#nate had a good influence on him

[krampuscrump]

a wip of my wayhaven oc Elias because I’ve been experiencing extreme brainrot since book 3 came out lmao

#this is his appearance in book 3 #I love him so much lol #he’s such a nerd #twc oc #wayhaven oc #wayhaven chronicles #also just wanna say #nate had a good influence on him #and it makes me want to cry everytime I think about it #I love them #so much #wip #sketch #ok bye #my art #oc art

[dancingtotuyo]

Part III

High Infidelity | Joel Miller X Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Summary: You and Joel hull the kids to the beach for a much needed vacation. Things begin to change.

Tags: Tommy x Reader, Joel x Reader, Tommy's Wife Reader, infidelity, emotional affair, slow burn (as much as you can get for 5 chapters), Tommy goes to jail, Reader has had a child

Warnings: Tommy being a shitty husband & father, Father's day celebration, cursing, consumption of alcohol, emotional affair/cheating, some physical boundaries crossed. Pining

Notes: Y'all know the drill by now, thanks to my loves @janaispunk for beta reading and @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin for beta reading and providing me with some authentic prison information and inspiration, and @saradika-graphics for the dividers!

Words: 5273

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Daily Clicks for Palestine & Other resources

It’s June before you’re able to escape to the shore. You make it in just over 4 hours. It’s good timing considering the multiple bathroom stops you had to make. It’s a small house that probably hasn’t been renovated since Joel was there as a kid. It sits two blocks off the shore on stilts that make you feel secluded from the people that pass on the quiet street below, and when you stand on the porch, the salty sea breeze caresses your body as you let your eyes close. You can just make out the crash of ocean waves. You can feel the breeze carrying all your cares away.  

Nate and Sarah excitedly explore the inside of the house. Their muted enthusiasm floating through the walls makes you smile. You’re thankful for this, thankful for Joel.  

The sliding door opens and then shuts. You don’t move. It’s Joel. You know the sound of his footsteps, the way he moves through the world by heart. He settles against the railing, arm pressed against yours. 

A smile spreads across your lips as your eyes open, landing on his. He smiles back. “Hard to enjoy the view with your eyes closed, Darlin.” His deep baritone rumbles smoothly. You see it in him too, the way the breeze carries away the wear and worry of the world. 

“It’s peaceful out here.” 

He nods. “Yeah, it is.”

“We should probably get back in there before the kids break something.”

Joel nudges you with his shoulder. “Don’t jinx us like that.”

“Our two? Unsupervised? That’s asking for it.”

“Our two?” A playful glint glimmers in Joel’s deep brown eyes. “My daughter is perfectly well behaved. It’s your little menace that’s the bad influence.”

“Oh my four year old is the bad influence?” You cross your arms, doing your best to keep the smile at bay. 

“For sure- got his dad’s streak for mischief. My Sarah is a perfect angel.” He sticks his tongue out at you. 

You roll your eyes, slapping his shoulder, but you don’t have a good response. He’s not wrong. Nathaniel knows how to get into places he shouldn’t. “I seem to recall an incident involving a ten pound bag of flour that says differently.”

Joel chuckles at the memory. Nathaniel was barely a week old when Sarah shrieked in the kitchen only for you to find her and the kitchen dusted in white powder. You had cried upon seeing it, postpartum hormones raging. Joel had cleaned your entire kitchen top to bottom. 

“She felt so bad for making you cry,” Joel laughs. 

“I think I scared her.”

The door opens again. Sarah and Nathaniel break out, rushing for your legs and begging to go to the beach. 

You spend the next several days lazing on the sand, reading more than you have in years as you soak in the sun. The kids run around chasing seagulls and other creatures. Joel helps them catch waves on boogie boards. You both take them further out to ride the waves. Sarah’s arms clutch around Joel’s neck, and Nathaniel does the same to you. They build sandcastles and Joel digs holes big enough to bury them both. 

At night, the kids are out by 8 o’clock if not earlier allowing you and Joel to sit out on the deck and drink. Your skin is warm from the constant sun. Joel’s cheeks are tinged pink on your third evening, his chest rosier. The salty air works at his hair, bringing out curls. You like this version of him a lot. You like this version of yourself too. 

Your feet sit in his lap as he massages your legs and feet, calves worn out from lugging your belongings across the sand and back. He stares up at the sky, twilight bringing the first few stars with it. You sip your homemade margarita, Joel’s specialty, from a red solo cup. 

“I shoulda brought my guitar. Only thing that could make this moment better,” he says. 

You hum softly, shifting in your chair. “Wouldn’t be able to massage my feet if you had your guitar.”

He laughs, so easy, so relaxed. You can’t remember the last time things felt this good. “Don’t worry, you’d still get your massage.”

“Why didn’t you bring it?” You cock your head to the side. 

“Wouldn’t fit in the car, miss over packer.”

You roll your eyes softly kicking at him. “We’ve used everything I packed. Speaking of which, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?” You take another sip of your drink. Joel finds a knot in your calf, working it out as you let out a slight hiss. 

Joel shrugs, carefully watching your reactions careful to inflict as little pain as possible. “Ask the kids.”

“It’s Father’s Day.”

“Kids like pancakes.” Joel sips from his own drink before returning to the knot.

“But you don’t.”

“Doesn’t matter what I like, Darlin.”

“Well, it does tomorrow.” You cross your arms. 

Joel sighs rolling his eyes. 

You narrow yours. “Don’t make me force it out of you. You know I will.”

He considers it a minute before deciding it’s a losing battle. “Those omelets you made for my birthday. I really liked those.”

You smile. “I can manage that.”

You sit in bed with Nathaniel the next morning to call Tommy. As early as possible is preferred, not that Tommy will care. He’s been blowing you off more, hardly talking when you call or visit, seemingly uninterested when you talk about Nate. It’s exhausting. You dread it, but you continue anyway. 

It takes a while before Tommy’s voice comes through the speaker. You force an exaggerated smile to your face for Nathaniel’s sake. Daddy is an abstract being to him. “Hey babe. Happy Father’s Day!”

“Oh… that’s today?”

You push back the annoyance rising inside you. “Nate wants to say hello.” You hold the phone up to your four-year-old’s ear.

“Hello?” he says. 

You can barely make Tommy’s pathetic response. He won’t even pretend for Nathaniel and that’s the unbearable part of all this. 

“Happy Day!” Nathaniel says, taking hold of the receiver before he dives into updating his stranger of a father all about their beach vacation. Tommy stays quiet the whole time. 

Rage begins to boil just under the surface. Before it can bubble over, Nathaniel says goodbye, shoving the phone into your chest and dashing out of the room the moment he hears Sarah moving around in the living room. 

“Tommy?”

“Look, I need to go.”

You're not sure what’s worse. The hurt or the anger inside you. “I love you.”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you on Friday.”

“Tommy.” It sounds like a scold. That’s exactly what it is.

“I don’t have time for this.”

“Time for your wife and son?”

“You’re the one who called me.”

“Are you actually going to call on Friday? Or am I gonna end up sitting next to the phone all evening?”

You get silence. 

“Tommy?”

“I’ll call.” And then the line goes dead.

You want to scream or yell or cry or all three. You settle for throwing a pillow across the room and giving yourself 5 minutes to cry. There may only be three months of this left, but you’re not sure you’ll actually be talking to your husband at the end of it, not that the two of you do any talking now. 

Wiping your eyes, you make your way to the kitchen to start on Joel’s promised breakfast. Nathaniel and Sarah sit at the table comparing sea shells. “Aunt Bonnie?”

“Yes baby doll?” You smile, kissing her head. 

“Which one would Daddy like on his card?” She points to a collection of about 5 shells. 

“Hmmm,” you crouch down to her level, looking them over. “I think he would like any of them, but this one looks like him.” You point to a blue-grey shell. 

She picks it up, inspecting it carefully. “It does look kinda grumpy like him.”

You laugh. That isn’t what you meant, but she wasn’t wrong. “I’m making omelets. What do y’all want in yours?”

The kids are digging into their breakfast when Joel walks out of his room, arms stretching above his head to reveal a little sliver of his tummy. Sarah quickly shoves her Father’s Day project under some magazines. 

“Look who decided to wake up.” You smile over your shoulder. “Morning sleepy head.”

“One day of the year I get to sleep in.” He mumbles, shooting a teasing glare your way. He clocks your red eyes before you can turn away. 

“Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!” Sarah yells, standing on her chair to give Joel a hug. He chuckles, pulling her into his arms, spinning around, and setting her back on the chair with ease. She laughs.

“Thank you, baby girl.”

“Happy Day!” Nathaniel grins at his uncle.

“Father’s Day.” Sarah corrects. Nathaniel simply shrugs like he’d said the correct thing to begin with.

Joel chuckles, kissing his nephew’s cheek. “Thanks, Bud.”

You track his footsteps over to your side of the kitchen as you invest your full attention on the omelet in front of you. You know he caught your tear-stained eyes. “Fresh coffee in the pot,” You say, keeping your voice even. 

You feel his full body heat behind you, a hand falls to your waist as he reaches into the cabinet next to the stove for a coffee mug. Something settles in your stomach. 

“What did my idiot brother do now?” He keeps his voice low so the kids don’t overhear. 

You shake your head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Darlin.”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Your head snaps toward him. He’s right there, face so close to yours. Always nearby. 

“You sure?”

You bristle a little bit. He drops his hand but stays in your space. “Not right now. We’re celebrating you this morning.” He smiles softly at you. “And I don’t want to burn your omelet, so scram.” You cock your head to the side. 

He waits a second, searching for any signs he’s missing something. When he’s sure he isn’t, he gives you a soft smile and a tender kiss on the forehead, and steps over to the coffee pot, leaving you feeling warm and hazy. 

The kids help clean up after breakfast. Sarah stands on a bench at the sink to wash dishes and Nathaniel waits patiently with a dish towel to dry the lighter dishes. You and Joel sit at the table, second and third cups of coffee in hand as you oversee their efforts. 

“I think I’m going to enjoy this next phase of parenting,” Joel says with a long, content sigh. 

You feel the easiness thrumming in your veins. Why couldn’t life always be this way? “Yeah if my anxiety about broken dishes or wet feet doesn’t get the better of me first.”

He chuckles softly, sipping from his mug as an easy silence falls between you. You watch the kids and Joel watches you. Sun pours through the many windows of the beach house. You’re not ready to leave tomorrow. 

“You wanna talk about it now?”

You sigh. “Not really. We’re supposed to be celebrating you today.”

“I’ll be able to enjoy myself more if I know what’s going on in your head.”

You keep your gaze focused on the kids, rolling the words around in your head. You feel emotionally exhausted by it all and you’re not even through the morning hours yet. 

“Darlin,” Joel kicks at your foot, smile on his face. “C’mon. We can talk about it.”

You set your mug down, turning toward him. “He’s just blowing us off again. I spent more time waiting for him to come to the phone than I did talking to him. He hardly interacted with Nate this morning.” You roll your eyes in an attempt to push away the tears pressing to escape. 

Joel reaches across the table, taking your hand. He runs his thumb over your knuckles. It grazes past your wedding band, almost taunting you now. 

“I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to either of you,” Joel says.

“You’d think I’d stop letting it affect me at some point.”

Joel bites his lip, eyes pinned to your ring finger. “He’s your husband. Needs to start acting like it,” Joel says gruffly. You catch the spark of something in his deep brown eyes, but you don’t have time to place it.

“We’re done!” Sarah exclaims with a proud smile, her shirt soaked through. 

You pull your hand from Joel’s, wrapping it around your warm mug as you laugh. “Thank you for your help. Both of you.” Nathaniel puts the dish towel carefully over the oven handle, shooting you the biggest grin.  

“Can we do presents now?” Sarah asks, curls bouncing with her. 

“Presents?” Joel says. “Y’all didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Don’t be silly, Daddy.” Sarah says, looking to you for permission. 

“I think now is a great time for gifts.”

Both kids run toward their shared room. They had been very excited at the promise of bunk beds. You ease out of your chair. “Not you too.” Joel shakes his head.

You shoot him a wink. “Suck it, Miller.” 

Flashes of your delayed Mother’s Day celebration jump between you. Joel had switched up the weekends and hadn’t been prepared, but had made up for it the following weekend. You hadn’t heard from Tommy. He never even mentioned it. 

You grab the small box from your suitcase, a small white bow tied around it. The four of you settle in the living room. You sit tucked into one end of the sofa while Joel sits at the other end, a bouncing kid on either side of him. 

“Me first!” Sarah says, handing her card and hand-wrapped gift to her father. 

Joel takes care, slowly reading the card out loud. His gift consists of a souvenir snow globe and a puca shell necklace. She picked them out with great care at the beach shop the two of you stopped in yesterday. He oos and awes over both. 

“You should put on the necklace!” Sarah says, standing up on the cushions of the couch.

“Maybe I want to admire it more,” Joel says. 

You bite back a smile. He’s already lost this battle and you both know it. 

“Don’t be silly, Daddy.” She grabs it from his hand, determination, and concentration painted on her face as she wraps it around his neck.

“Yeah, don’t be silly, Daddy.” You tease, shooting him a wink. He pokes his tongue out at you as Sarah almost chokes him in the process of securing the necklace. 

“Not so tight, baby girl.” 

“Oops,” she giggles. “All done.” 

She steps back to admire her handiwork, looking quite pleased. “What do you think, Aunt Bonnie?”

“Beautiful,” You smile, laughter evident in your tone of voice. “You look ready to hit the beach.”

“My turn!” Nathaniel announces, handing Joel a hand-drawn picture depicting their day at the beach yesterday. He goes into great detail describing everything he drew. Joel’s hand rests on Nate’s shoulder blades, head tucked toward him as he takes in everything the boy says with practiced patience and intentionality. 

It strikes something in your heart, a deep longing. That should be Tommy. But it also sends a deep sense of gratitude toward your brother-in-law for picking up where his brother has failed. You swallow back the tears, losing track of how much you’ve had to do that today.

“Thank you, Bud. I love it.” Joel kisses Nathaniel's head. 

“You’re welcome, Daddy.” 

Joel freezes. Ice rushes through your bloodstream. Your eyes meet Joel’s. What do you say to that? Neither of you knows the answer. 

“He’s not your daddy, Nate,” Sarah says, pulling out her older sister voice. “He’s your uncle.” 

“Oh yeah,” Nathaniel shrugs, unbothered by his mishap as he swings his legs back and forth, hitting the couch with his heels as he does.

“Aunt Bonnie, do you have the other gift?” Sarah asks, determined to keep the morning on schedule. 

“Yeah, right here.” You fumble around, finding the box tucked between yourself and the couch. Joel keeps his eyes on you trying to figure out what’s running through your mind, but he can’t. 

Sarah plucks the box from your hands before presenting it to her father. “This is from all three of us.”

She looks very proud of herself. Joel takes it with a smile, eyes flickering back to you briefly. You give him an encouraging nod. 

He loosens the bow, pulling off the top. The kids lean over either side of his body, excited for the reveal even though they’ve both seen it. He pulls it out, inspecting it carefully. A black watch face with silver accents and an olive green watch band. His eyes dart to yours. You smile at him. 

“You’ve been talking about it for years.” You smirk, sipping your coffee. “You were never gonna do it yourself.”

“It’s exactly what I wanted.” He shakes his head, a stunned chuckle shaking his chest. “How’d you know?”

“Found an old picture Tommy had stored away last fall.”

“Look at the back.” Sarah bounces with excitement. 

Joel flips it over. His brows knit together as he catches the inscription. Happy Father’s Day. We love you. Sarah and Nathaniel. 1997.

“Do you like it?” Sarah looks up at him with sparkling excitement. 

“I love it.” He kisses her cheek, thanking both the children. He wraps it around his wrist, buckling it into place. 

“Now you won’t be late anymore,” Sarah says, making you and Joel laugh. 

“We can only hope,” you say. 

Joel looks up at you with one of the most heartfelt smiles you’ve ever seen. His lips move silently. Thank you.

You nod in response. 

You spend the final day of your vacation on the beach until the sun has disappeared. Joel ends up running back to the house to grab the car so your two very tired children don’t melt down. You hurry through bath time, trying to get all the sand from hair and bodies. You’re sure you’ll be finding sand all over your and Joel’s homes for months. 

You provide goodnight hugs and kisses, but Joel takes bedtime duties. You’re cleaning up the kitchen, and packing up pantry items when the first lines of You Are My Sunshine drift out of the kid’s bedroom in Joel’s soft melodies. The kids' sleepy voices talk him into another lullaby and then another before their eyelids slip closed and their breathing evens out. 

The door clicks softly and you’ve already pulled the margarita pitcher and new solo cups. “See they talked you into the whole set list tonight.” You smile, filling the cups with the last of the margaritas. 

“It’s the last night of vacation.” Joel chuckles. He grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and the half-eaten bag of pretzels. “They asked so nicely.”

“And you’re a big softy.” 

You grab both cups, following Joel out to your spot on the deck. It’s cooler tonight, the breeze a bit stronger. You sit across from each other, feet propped in the seat of the other’s chair with the blanket spread across your legs. Joel sets the pretzels right at your knees. 

“Did you enjoy your day?” You ask, sipping on the day-old margarita. It goes down easier tonight, and your cup is filled to the brim.

“It was a good day.” Joel smiles at you, easy and relaxed. The world and your issues feel so far away here despite the day’s earlier events. “Probably the best Father’s Day yet.”

“Oh you mean it beats the raw banana bread from last year?” You’re laughing before the sentence fully leaves your mouth. Joel’s head falls back, chest vibrating with laughter. 

His hair curls more from the salty air and fits him, tanned skin, curly hair, Puca shell necklace and all. You wonder if you look like a similar version of yourself, the relaxed beach version. 

“Sarah trying to choke me with the necklace beats whatever it was you tried to bake last year.”

You stick out your tongue. The pretzel bag rustles as he grabs a handful. You take another drink from your cup. Joel Miller makes a mean margarita. 

“What about you? Did you have a good day then?”

You take an extra second to think about it before nodding. “Yeah. I can’t complain when it comes to well-behaved kids and the beach.”

“Nathaniel calling me dad didn’t throw you off, I hope.”

Your shoulders tense a little bit. “I think I’m the one who should be asking that.” 

“Kinda surprised it hasn’t happened sooner if I’m being honest.” Joel’s pointer finger slides along the lip of his cup before he brings it to his lips. 

You bite your lips, staring at the house across the street. “Same.” 

“Sorry, that was kinda a mood killer.” Joel’s hand rests on your calf. 

“It’s fine. You’re more of a father to him than his real dad.” You try to wave it off, but the facts are reeling in your mind like a movie. “Fuck, you were in the delivery room, and coached his T-ball team, and you’ve tucked him into bed more times than Tommy ever has.” You swipe away the moisture that’s gathered in your eyes, chasing them with another gulp of your drink. 

“Hey… maybe you should slow down there.” Joel leans forward, his feet dropping from your chair as he grabs the solo cup from you and the pretzels tumble to the deck. 

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” You reach for the cup, but Joel keeps it out of reach, setting it on the ground next to his. 

“I do.” He’s firm with you, grabbing your hands and tucking them between his. You can’t meet his eyes, embarrassment flooding your body. “What's going on in your mind right now?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Darlin,” He tugs gently on your arms. Your feet greet the warm deck as you're forced to sit up straighter. The side of your knee bumps against his. “You can talk to me.”

“I just want to enjoy our last night, Joel.”

“Can’t do that if I’m worried about you.” He tips your chin up, forcing you to meet his eyes. 

The street lights flicker off his warm eyes. You feel his touch linger under your chin. Extra warmth gathers in each place he touches. The words bubbling up in you, helpless to stop the thoughts circling in your head for months. 

“I’m not sure my marriage is salvageable. I don’t know if I’ll recognize my husband when he gets out. I don’t think he’s the same person-“ You can’t finish through the choked-out sobs. 

Joel lets out a soft sigh and before you know it, he’s tugging your pliant body into his lap, rubbing your back. He kisses your head. Your head finds the crook of his neck, fingers digging into the back of it. He’s the steady rock he’s always been. It does little to soothe your racing mind. 

You have so many questions and no answers. Tommy’s release from prison always felt like a distant finish line. Now, three months away, it feels like just the start. 

“No matter what, I’ve got you,” Joel says, hand cupping your cheek. “I’m here for you.”

How much longer can you continue to find solace in your brother-in-law's arms? How much longer will Joel play the part Tommy is supposed to? Supporter, parent, partner…

You pull back, fingers still wrapped around his neck. The metal of your wedding ring presses against his skin, but he’s used to feeling it. He doesn’t even think about it anymore. Your forehead nearly touches his. The pools of his deep eyes are endless. They’re different than Tommy’s. You don’t mean to compare, but you like it, soft and inviting after sleeping on rocks for years. You think you catch the hints of desire in them. You’ve forgotten what it feels like to be desired. 

There’s a fight, a push and pull between you. Who’s going to do it. His hot breath fans across your lips. Who’s going to be the one to finally cross the line you’ve been toeing for so long and drag the other one into exile with them? It’s a lush oasis in the middle of the desert you’ve been traveling. One move and you can dip your toe in. 

Joel gives in first, leaning in. Your eyes flutter shut with anticipation, another touch of his breath. His nose nudges against yours. You catch a whiff of the salt on his skin, and then, nothing, a mirage all in your head leaving you stranded in the desert. 

Confusion knits your brow before your eyes are open. Joel is still close, closer than a man that’s not your husband should be, but he feels further away than ever. 

His thumb nudges your bottom lip. He gives a weak smile in an attempt to cover his true emotions. “We can’t…”

He’s right. You hate yourself for getting so carried away. “I know.” 

Your hand drops from his neck. You might be sitting on his lap but he’s never felt farther from you. 

“You should go to bed.”

You think to fight him on it, but you decide not to. You stand up. Joel doesn’t move, thumb playing with the lip of his solo cup. He can’t meet your eyes and it feels like you might be losing him too. 

Before you can think better of it, you lean down, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Your fingers rake through his hair twice over. His eyes close and he lilts into you just the slightest. 

“Thank you, Joel. For everything.”

His Adam’s Apple bobs as you pull away. He keeps his eyes pinned ahead, fingers curling around the red plastic. He’s barely holding on to control. 

“Good night,” he says, voice gruff, never looking away from his fixed point. 

“Goodnight.”

Joel finishes off yours and his margarita before he falls into bed. It’s just enough to keep him buzzed as he runs toward rest. He can’t get the feel of you out of his mind, how close he was to ripping apart his whole family. 

He’s in and out of sleep when the door pops open. He assumes it’s Sarah. She probably had a bad dream, and tosses the corner of the comforter back. Except, the full size mattress dips lower than it should. He reaches out but instead of Sarah’s small frame, he gets a handful of your waist as the smell of you fills his nostrils. In the haze of sleep, Joel opens his eyes just enough to find you facing away from him. 

The bed isn’t big enough for his legs not to tangle with yours, not if he wants restful sleep. Your body doesn’t tense under his touch. You don’t say anything. Neither does he, but your body melts into him until he finds his arm fully around your middle, back flush against his front.

Joel Miller considers himself a good man, but a good man doesn’t yearn for his brother’s wife. A good man doesn’t give into the temptation to have her so close, to be with her so intimately. Tonight, Joel Miller doesn’t worry about being a good man. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but tonight, Joel Miller falls asleep with you in his arms and bed. Tonight, Joel Miller’s deepest desires come true. Just for tonight, he gets to pretend you’re his. 

You wake up to an empty bed like you have since Tommy went to prison, but something feels off about it. A familiar smell lingers under your nose, and unfamiliar warmth fills you even though the sheets are cold.

You let out a soft groan, eyes fluttering open. You stare up at the ceiling, convinced once again that something feels off. You turn to look at the clock on the bed stand but there’s not one there. The walls are a different color and you shoot up as it all comes flooding back. 

You almost kissed Joel last night. The way you tossed and turned before giving into temptation and crawling in beside him. He hadn’t fought you, hadn’t said a word but pulled you flush against him in the bed that was just a bit too small. You’d slept like a baby for the first time in years. 

Joel sits at the table with the kids as they shovel the last of the extra sugary cereal into their mouths. A special vacation treat. You expect Joel to ignore you or at least be standoffish, but he hands you a cup of steaming coffee with the same smile he always does, crow’s feet crinkling at the corners of his eyes as if nothing happened. 

You offer a smile in response. A silent agreement to never speak on it again.

You’ve been home for a week when it comes, a plain white envelope stuffed with something soft labeled with a return address you’re all too familiar with written in Tommy’s chicken scratch handwriting. 

You wait until Nathaniel is down for the night, but it throws you the whole evening. Letters from Tommy are more rare than phone calls. You’ve received one, maybe two since he was incarcerated. Considering he’d promised to call on after Father’s day and hadn’t, the mysterious letter makes you feel unsettled. What shoes are left to drop?

You run the envelope through your hands, thumb picking at the corner of the seal, uncommitted to actually tearing it open. You’re worried whatever lies within will only hurt you more. You can’t sustain more hurt. 

Finally, you dig into the corner, tearing it open. Your eyebrows knit together. White fabric is neatly folded and tucked within. You pull it out, revealing a square of white fabric, like a bandana unfurls and a note falls to the floor. As you take in the black and white drawing on the fabric, you gasp. It’s a drawing of the picture you keep on your nightstand. The moment Tommy met Nathaniel for the first time. Tommy’s arm is wrapped around you, Nathaniel in his arms with the biggest grin on his face. It’s a moment that’s seared into your memory. Seeing it portrayed like this brings tears to your eyes, the emotions from that day and the last 696 flooding your body. 

Before the tear completely blur your vision, you pick up the note. You can barely make out Tommy’s handwriting when your eyes are clear, but you manage. 

Baby,

You and I both know I didn’t draw this. My cellmate did based on the photo. You probably know that. They call them paños. I’ve seen a lot of the ones guys in here have sent to their girls. They’re pretty cool. 

I’m sorry. I wish I could be better for you and Nathaniel. I love you, Bonnie. 

Tommy. 

Tears stream down your face. Just like that your heart seems to forget the heartache of the last couple years. This proves that your Tommy is still inside him somewhere, fighting to come back to you. You’ll do anything to have your Tommy back. 

It doesn’t matter if you're grasping at threads. Your heart overpowers your mind. You’re determined that you can pull him back by those threads, maybe not now, but once he’s out. Once he’s out, you can bring him back. You’re his Bonnie. He’s your Clyde. You’re tied together. Your heart beats for him, but you don’t catch a piece of your heart breaking off from the rest. That part can't beat for Tommy. It’s attached to someone else. 

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#joel miller #the last of us #tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #tommy miller x reader #pedro pascal #tlou fanfiction #high infidelity (joel miller) #ppcu fanfiction #pedro stories #pedrostories

[loveebot]

could you possibly do y2k/street style reader? i love ur writing💕

thank you for the ask !! i have my four main !readers but if anyone has ideas for occasional side !readers then please send them in🎀🎀

y2k!reader

body glitter. juicy track suits in every color. lip gloss always on hand. butterfly clips. mini jean skirts/shorts. von dutch trucker hats. super popular on social media, so she doesn’t have a “real” job. barrettes. tooth gems. side part. thin eyebrows. rhinestones everywhere. high ponytails. baby tees. “yummy” by ayesha erotica. collects cd’s. platform sandals. g-strings. newsboy caps. layered hair. days of the week panties. had a slime business as a kid. tramp stamp. body gems. just iconic.

ㅤㅤ ㅤ۪ㅤ— ㅤ۫ㅤ๑ㅤ ۟ㅤ ˗ˋˏ 🛍️ ㅤ‧₊ ♱

w/ matt — you guys met at another influencer’s bday party and immediately hit it off. you’d complimented his tattoos and he’d complimented you—like in general. he’s definitely a little obsessed with you. especially when y’all start dating, he doesn’t like it when you go to parties without him cause he knows all the guys would be all over you. sometimes he comes to the parties with you, but you usually stay back for him. and obviously he apologizes for making you miss another party in ways that no one else could. at least, not as good as him.

w/ chris — he lovess your hats. when he leaves the morning after a sleepover and you realize another one of your vintage von trucker hats that you’d personally bedazzled was missing, you called him right away. “i…have no idea what you’re talking about, babe.” you could smell the lie through the phone, but you didn’t care, cause he’d be back by night, giving you both your hat, and a little something extra.

w/ nate — its so cute; he follows you around like a lost puppy. especially when you take him shopping. he’s just staring at you with lovey eyes as you throw piles of clothes into his arms, trailing behind you. you were usually on top, but when he matures a little more, he starts paying for everything and becomes a lillll more dominant. he does still occasionally he asks you to take control. but you like being his pillow princess.

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ .⁺ ⸝⸝

just me acknowledging that this is 100% inspired by multiple other writers on this app, specifically, starfxkr, princessbrunette (love her sm) and donatellawritings, and if any of the writers who use these type of !readers see this and feel that my interpretation is too close to theirs and they want me to take this down, i will.

󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠𓊆ྀི󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠⠀ׁ⠀ㅤ © ㅤ 𝓵𝗈𝗏𝖾𝖾𝖻𝗈𝗍 ︎︎︎︎ ︎︎︎︎ . ⠀ ୭ৎ ㅤ 󠀠󠀠󠀠𓊇ྀི

#loveebot ໒꒰ྀི • ﻌ • ꒱ྀི১ #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nate doe #nathan doe #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #y2k!reader #moodboard #aesthetic #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo smut #nate doe smut #nathan doe smut #matt sturniolo prompt #chris sturniolo prompt #nate doe prompt #!reader

[watsittoyah]

Mix tape (NATE JACOBS X BLK FEM READER)

In which Nate Jacob makes you mix tapes because his toxic ass can’t tell you how he feels…

(Track 01) In my city I'm a young god. That pussy kill be so vicious. My god white, he in my pocket. He get me redder than the devil 'til I go nauseous… -Often, The Weeknd

Warnings- oral sex (female Receiving)

(Next)

You were a straight A student. You didn’t step out of line, hell you didn’t even sneak out to meet boys. But that’s all about to change…

~~~

“What? Little Jade about to step on the field with the big girls?!” Your best friend and infamous influence, Stacey squeals as you two stretch out on the field.

“Shh! Don’t be so dang loud. I’m only trying it out because Tess said it would be fun.” You tell her. “First of all the word is Damn, and second since when you listen to Tess’ stuck up ass?”

Your eyes widen as you look back to make sure Tess, your step sister, didn’t hear her. “Shh! Why are you so loud?” You both laugh and Stacey lean in so no one else can hear.

“Since you’re all big poppin’ how about you come out tonight? I heard McKay’s fine ass is throwing a Halloween party and his parents aren’t even home. You gotta come with me, I want him to see me in my maid costume but I need my best friend there with me to hype me up. So you coming?”

Here you we go.

On the angelic side, you’d decline the offer. Grab a pizza with your family and pass out candy to a few trick or treaters while you watch some boring show on Netflix. And you’d hear about the Halloween party of the century the next day.

On the hot girl side you’d say fuck it, let’s go. And you’d have a ball, smoke some weed, shit you might actually get a guy to touch you, and not act like a priss miss.

So what’s it gonna be, Jade?

You snap out of your inner monologue and raise a brow. “What time is the party?” Stacey bursts out laughing. “Girl I know you’re not serious. I was just playing with you. I’m sure I can ask Monica to go with me.”

You frown at her and pull your braids up into a ponytail. “I’m not playing. What time is the party?” The smile on your best friends face melts away. “Jade, if you’re serious, then it’s happening tonight around ten. Please tell me you have a costume to wear? And don’t you come to this party wearing your first Sunday clothes.” You roll your eyes. “Girl shut up, I have a cute costume.” Stacey rolls her eyes at you. “Yeah I’ll be the judge of that, I’m coming over to your place an hour before then. And don’t even try to cop out last minute.”

“I am not going to cop out last minute. Damn.”

~~~

There is no way in hell you can go to this party? What were you thinking?

You were pacing your bedroom, on the verge of hyperventilating.

“I can’t do this. I just can’t.” You hear knocking and without even thinking you open your door and Stacey was standing there wearing a form fitted maid costume that cut down low to show her tits. “What’s wrong?” She asks while walking into your bedroom.

“I must be out of my mind, that’s what’s wrong. I can’t go. I don’t have anything to wear, plus what if the police are called? What if they find out I was at that party and that goes on my permanent record? What if they tell me I can’t get into a good college? I’ll be some bum on the street scraping up pennies off of the sidewalk!”

Stacey shakes you by your shoulders. “Jade! Chill! We’re going to a party not some drug run. Now let me see your costume. And before you say anything you’re going to this party.”

You pout and grab the little box you had stashed in the back of your closet. You pass it over to her and she opens the box.

“Where have you been hiding this? And can I borrow it?” You snatch the box back, putting it on your bed.

“It’s been in my closet since last summer. I bought it just in case for times like these but now I don’t think I can pull it off.”

“Go put it on.” Stacey tells you. You open your mouth to argue but she points to your bathroom and you take the box then march your crack to the bathroom.

Once the dress is on your peek out of the bathroom. “Jade, we got ten minutes before the party starts. And I’m all for being fashionably late but my future baby daddy is hosting this thing. Come on now.”

You step out of the bathroom and you’re tugging at the hem of the dress. It was a tight red dress that came mid thigh. It might have been longer if you didn’t have hips and ass on you.

“You look good! Now I know you still have those red thigh highs, because I haven’t took them for my closet yet.” Stacey goes into your closet and you take a deep breathe. Dressing up as a she-devil wasn’t your first pick but the costume was a laugh at the moment and it was on sale last year.

You tug at the dress and Stacey tsks. “Don’t you have a thong? I can see your granny panties.” Your eyes widen. “No, I don’t own a pair.” Stacey circles you and grins.

~~~

You feel uncomfortable not wearing underwear under the dress but Stacey tells you that it’s fine. But you’re nervous. This isn’t something you’d do. When Stacey is about to open the door you grab her arm. “What if I can’t do this?”

“And what if you can? Look, you look fucking amazing. Let loose for a change. If you could be anyone right now who would you be? Don’t tell me just take a deep breathe and be them. Alright?”

You nod and you take a deep breathe and you think about all those girls you’ve seen in those teen movies you’ve watched with Tess. You roll your shoulders back and Stacey opens the door. You’re hit with the smell of weed, bodies, and alcohol. Stacey takes your hand and you two enter together.

“McKay is over by the corner, and I see Cassie trying to get her hands on him. But watch this.” Stacey says in your ear as she guides you two over to them.

Remember me by Wiz Khalifa was playing and you see McKay glancing at Stacey. He then looks your way and your stomach was doing summersaults.

You won’t admit it to Stacey but Christopher McKay was fine as hell to you. But since she was your best friend you took the step back.

He gives Cassie a nod and he leans off of the wall and heads towards the two of you. “Hello ladies.” He greets as he yells a bit over the music. “Hey McKay.” Stacey says in her best sex voice. You turn your face a bit to keep from laughing and you see the punch bowl. “Is there water?” You turn back to ask and see Stacey pulling McKay towards the crowd.

“So much for sticking together.” You mumble as you move towards the kitchen. You see a few freshman dressed as gorillas doing body shots off of two junior girls dressed as bananas. You gently chuckle at that as you grab a small bottle of water, inspecting it.

Once you’ve seen it hasn’t been tampered with you crack it open and take a few gulps. Someone passes you a blunt but you pass and find some cheese puffs. You go to reach for some and your hand brushes against someone.

And that someone happened to be Nate Jacobs.

You knew Nate because he was your friend, at least until he found the gym and became a jock. After that, you both drifted apart and you moved to the upper east side of town.

Nate still had a special place in your heart seeing that the both of you looked out for each other when bad times had hit both of your families. Especially when that shit went down with his br-

“Jade Springfield?” He asks as he squints at you. “Nate Jacobs?” You mimic him and he gives a big smile which makes your heart leap. “How have you been?” He pulls you into a hug and you hold him close. For just that split second it felt like old times again.

“I’ve been good. Damn Jacobs you got tall.” You say to him with a smile. “And you stayed short.” He teases. You punch him playfully in the stomach and he laughs.

“Anyways, how have you been?” You ask him as he keeps his hands wrapped around you. “I’ve been good. Better now that I know you’re here.” The last part of his answer made your spine tingle a bit.

You clear your throat and step back from his touch. “Hey you wanna go outside? It’s kind of-”

“Loud? Yeah let’s go.” He takes your hand and you two head out to the back. As soon as you two step outside the music just stops and you allow yourself to relax. You two were on the back deck, you sit down on the steps and Nate sits down besides you.

“You still don’t like loud places huh?” Nate asks you. “You remember that?” You ask as you empty the water bottle. “Of course, I mean it’s been what almost four and a half years? But yeah, I remember.” He smirks at a thought and he takes a swig of beer. “That better be root beer, Nate.” You tease, bumping your leg against his. He rolls his eyes but smiles when he’s done drinking.

“Of course its root beer, Jade. Because that’s what teens drink of parties like this.” It was your turn to roll your eyes. “Smart ass. So I heard through the grapevine that you’re playing football.”

“I am, and I heard through the same grapevine that you’re cheerleading. When are you gonna come cheer for me?” He says in a flirtatious tone. “Alright that ‘root beer’ getting you talking reckless Jacobs.”

You notice he’s leaning in a bit closer. And you cross your legs. “You remember that one time in the fourth grade when Jason Bateman dared you to kiss me?”

“Oh god, yes and you punched me in the jaw. Your little first hurt.” You two laugh at the memory and you lean your head on his shoulder. “I missed this, Nate-Nate.” He scoffs. “Shit I haven’t heard that nickname in a long time, Jay-Jay.” You smile at your childhood nickname.

“Why did you have to become some jerk who forgot about me?” You ask him as he hands you the rest of his beer. You accept it and down the rest, wincing from the bad taste.

“I could never forget about you, Jade. Actually if I’m being honest when we were kids I had the hugest crush on you.” You lean away from him and turn so you’re facing him. “You’re lying.”

He raises his hands and laughs. “I’m not lying. I took that dare from Jason because I didn’t want anyone else kissing you. As far as I knew you were going to be my girlfriend in the fourth grade.”

The way Nate was eyeing your legs made your inner thighs throb. “I heard…you’re dating Maddie Perez.” You say instantly regretting that.

He sighs and you notice his jaw clenching. “She dumped me last week, so…yeah.” Way to go Jade, you tell yourself.

“Sorry, I didn’t know.” He nods. “No one knows that she dumped me. I just told everyone that we’re taking a break.”

“Why would you tell me then?” Nate shrugs and scoots in close to you. “Because I can trust you, not to tell anyone. And because out of everyone in this fucked up town, I actually like you. And I’m sorry I just stopped being friends with you. I was going through a lot and your parents were going through that divorce. Which isn’t an excuse, but-”

You lean in and hug him. “I know when you ramble you like that, underneath it means you need a hug. You know my number hasn’t changed. If you need someone to talk to I’m here.” He hugs you back and he inhales deep. “How has it been a few years and you still understand me better than anyone?” He asks. You lean back and shrug.

“We just have that connection, Nate-Nate.” You smile at him and he brings his hands to your hips.

The warmth from his hands made your chilly body feel good. And his cologne was making a small puddle between your legs.

Calm down Jade. This is Nate you’re thinking about. The same Nate that you would play with on the playground. The same Nate that you knew before the muscles.

The same muscles that you were sure you wouldn’t mind looking at under his criminal costume.

“A she-devil, hm? Seems like the perfect costume for you, Jade. I especially like these thigh high boots on you.” His hand seems to trail from your knee all the way up to your inner thigh. You bite your bottom lip and look pass his shoulder but he shakes his head.

“No, baby focus. I want those pretty eyes on me.” His hand reaches under your dress and he sucks in a sharp breathe. “You’re not even wearing panties?” You jerk your legs closed and move back.

“I’m sorry! I’ll go.” You were about to get up but Nate stops you. “You don’t need to apologize. I was just surprised is all, I didn’t except a snack ready for me to eat.” Nate eyes between your thighs this time and when he looks back up you find yourself leaning in.

He leans in close as well. Both of your lips meet and you feel yourself move, straddling him. He places his hands on your hips and he presses his erection against your cunt. You let out a moan and he bites your bottom lip. “Do you feel that?” You nod as he presses it harder against you. “I want this inside of you, right now. But only if that’s okay with you, Jay-Jay.” His hand travels up your neck and he brings your mouth close to his. “Use those words, pretty girl.”

“I want you inside of me, Nate.” You mouth as you kiss him again. He grunts as his tongue slides past your lips. He tastes like cheap beer, and some strong mint he probably ate before he got to the party.

He stands up with your legs wrapped around him. And he walks off of the deck. “Mm, where. Are, we going?” You ask moaning against his lips. “Just to my truck.” He answers as he kisses your neck.

When he gets to his truck his presses the key and the door unlocks. He places you inside and climbs in after you. “Get in the back, Jay-Jay.” Nate says to you as he takes off the top half of his costume.

You do as you’re told and he follows after you. He gets on top of you and he looks down at you. “Never thought I would have Jade Springfield in my truck.” He says with a smirk.

“Oh shut up, Nate.” You laugh but Nate wasn’t. Instead he gets down on his knees, spreading your legs apart and placing them on his shoulders.

“Don’t look away, I want your eyes on me.” He says as he leans down and flicks his tongue across your clit. Your legs jerk a bit which makes Nate smirk.

“Does my tongue scare you, Jay-Jay?”

“No.” You lie as he spreads your lips apart. “I think you’re lying. I think my tongue scares you and you like that.” He flicks his tongue across your clit slowly and your breathes hitches.

You move your hips to the rhythm of his tongue and you moan out while your nails scratch at his seat. You watch as his eyes flutter closed and the grabs you and pulls you closer.

“Oh shit, Nate don’t stop.” Your hands find their way to his hair and you grip his hair as you work your hips harder. He sucks your clit and your legs clench.

He continues to flick his tongue against your clit but he slides in two fingers, doing the here motion which causes you to moan out in tongues as he massages that sweet spot.

“N…Nate you’re gonna make me cum.” You whimper. He just keeps eating you out like your his last meal on earth. You feel your eyes rolling to the back of your skull with your back arching. Without warning you squirt in his mouth and on his seats.

You try to close your legs because it’s sensitive but he keeps going. “N-Nate it’s se-sensitive please.” He looks up at you and he twirls his tongue which makes you stutter out gibberish.

“Sure you’re not scared of my tongue, Jade?” He rolls his tongue and you feel your orgasm hit again. “Y, yes I’m scared. I can’t h..handle i- I’m coming.” You moan out as your hips move to your orgasm.

He gives one more good suck to your pussy lips and he leans up, kissing you so you can taste yourself on his tongue. “I could eat your pussy for hours, Jay-Jay. But I’ll do that next time. Right now I know you want this.”

He places your hand on his crotch and your eyes go wide. There no way that is fitting inside of you. Nate sees the fear in your eyes and he leans down kissing your neck. “I know it’s big, but I’ll be gentle. I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.” He sucks the side of your neck and you moan his name out softly.

You feel him move you back against his seat. And you hear his zipper unzip. You can’t see what his dick looks like in the dark but from the feel of it you know it’s bigger than the toys you use.

You hear something rip and in the street light you see it’s a condom wrapper. He moves himself closer to you and you know it’s going to hurt since he is your first but you both freeze when you hear a cop siren in the distance.

Nate moves back and you sit up to see the lights of a few cop cars.

Suddenly everyone runs out of McKay’s house and you two scramble to get decent. “I can take you home.” Nate tells you, but you shake your head.

“I’m not leaving, Stacey behind. Let me out real quick.” He opens the door and you climb out of his truck, looking through the crowd for Stacey.

You feel your phone vibrate and you answer it. “Where are you?” You hear Stacey ask in a panic. “I’m outside, where are you? I’ll find you.” You hear Nate say something but you take off running where you see Stacey’s car.

When you get in she was panicking. “Girl, apparently someone’s ex girlfriend called a noise complaint and got the party shut down…” As Stacey gives you the details you get a text from an unknown number.

Unknown-

Hey, it’s Nate. Maybe we can pick up where we left off. Not just tonight but from back then? 🙂

You feel a small smile on your lips and you go to answer but Stacey says something that makes you reconsider.

“..McKay says he thinks it was Maddie who called, since she heard that Nate was here..”

You feel the guilt in your heart and you give a wow that’s crazy for your comment and lean your head against the window.

Maybe meeting up with Nate tonight was a bad thing.

Boy was it ever…

#watsittoyah #nate jacobs #nate jacobs smut #nate jacobs x reader #Nate Jacobs x black reader #euphoria #Jade Springfield #mix tape x euphoria #euphoria smut #jacob elordi #jacob elordi smut

[st4rgzer]

Could you do like a Nate fic where they meet him for the first time? like shes is friends with the triplets and they introduce her to him for the first time. they hit it off and like flirt all night.

THE START OF SOMETHING (nathan doe)

summary: Nathan’s first time meeting you

genre: fluuuufff

cw: nothing

a/n: thanks for the request! i have loads more ideas so keep them coming :)

i’d met the triplets about 4 months ago, since then we’ve clicked almost immediately, being both influencers, we shared our opinions, shared music taste, and ever since then, i’ve hung out with them nearly every day. Two weeks ago they said their friend Nate was coming over, he finally was able to book a flight to LA and was arriving there next week. So I had about a week to stalk him. No, I’m kidding, but, I found his instagram, first of all, he looks like a puppy, and he plays hockey? how come the guys didn’t introduce me earlier.

After and hour of finding out some basic facts about him, my nerves eased up, given the awkward conversation i’d now know to avoid. So I waited a week, the triplets shared more stories of them with him as kids, it was heartwarming really.

At 3 pm, Matt and Chris went to the airport to pick him up while I stayed with Nick, preparing some snacks, and really just making everything welcoming for his arrival, after all, 5 hours on a plane is a lot, and he must be jet lagged, and if he’s anything like the triplets, he will be.

As the door swung open, I straightened my back and my face grew lighter with a smile, they boys were talking with him, Nick greeted him and Nate was left wondering who I was.

“hi- who’s this?” he acknowledged me with a grin before turning to the three brothers.

“im y/n, i’ve known the triplets for a bit now, nice to meet you” I said with a smile, I was normally very awkward when meeting new people and starting conversations, but somehow I felt a bit more comfortable talking with him.

“ohh nice, good to meet ‘ya” he said, flashing a smile at me. His distinct Bostonian accent was indeed much more prominent than the triplet’s, it made me want to giggle at every word he said. I nodded with a sheepish smile as the guys sat dispersed on the sofa, Nate being beside me. The conversation flowed, the four of them started catching on everything since they had last seen each other, it was nice to see, just nice people talking and sharing, my eyes seemed to land on Nate more then i’d like.

“so, y/n, where d’ya meet the triplets? hard to think these guys have any sort of skill in meeting pretty women, let alone find someone to stand them” he laughed with a silly grin, proud of his casual flirting, I laughed as well, that didn’t mean my face wasn’t flushed, I somehow thought he was being half serious.

“thank you” i sad eloquently “and we met at one of those influencer events, and somehow i’m now in their living room” I laughed, pursing my lips together to suppress another smile, he asked me more about myself, then the triplets did.

“well Nate, did you know she’s single…?” Chris said with his hands together in a scheming manner, I rolled my eyes on response, while Nate raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“no, I didn’t know that, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind then” he said, beaming a smile that I could easily melt at then and there. I looked down to hide the subtle maroon blush creeping up on me. He didn’t push it, seeing as I already had enough for the time being. The conversation flowed as regular, I chimed in time to time but not much, I learnt a lot more about Nate, like how he loves loves dogs, also, how he’s a literal cinnamon roll compared to how Chris acts.

We decided to go to Mcdonald’s for dinner, given that almost everything was already closed. Chris got in the drivers seat with Matt and Nick, Nate, and I, sat in the back.

“hey whats ‘ya number by the way?” he asked, pulling out his phone “or instagram, whatever works better” he said with a grin. I laughed and pulled out my phone to hand him my phone so he could put in his number and he handed me his, I saved my number as, “y/n🤭🫂” I thought it was cute, I smiled and rolled my eyes as I saw how he saved his on my phone, “future bf”, I think it’s safe to say both of us were not thinking of changing either names any time soon.

As we drove into the Mcdonald’s drive thru, Matt took our orders and drove to the second window, when we got our food, we were “supposed” to save it for when we got home, but all of us started eating regardless.

Nate tried to steal some of my fries, I flicked his hand away and he dramatically held his hand in pain “greedy much?” he joked, laughing when he couldn’t contain it anymore, Chris and Nick exchanged the same look, rolling their eyes, already predicting what was bound to happen between the two of us.

As the night comes to an end, I have to get back to my house, Nate tried not to look disappointed as I said my goodbyes, I hugged the triplets and arranged for us to meet up tomorrow.

“but like, do you have to go, i mean, do they not have extra sleeping arrangements with this big of a house?” he said with a head tilt, groaning at the negative response

“clingy much?” I said with a grin before waving goodbye again, laughing before closing the door and walking to my car, as I turned around I saw Nate waving goodby, I burst out laughing and struggled to unlock my car. As soon as i got home, I texted Nate.

“just got home, night, sleep well :)”

Maybe this could be the start of something

taglist: @dwntwn-strnlo @iha8you @gabbylovesreading @slaysturniolo @sturniolol @sturniololoverr @ifilwtmfc @ssturniolo @stvrniolo

a/n: sorry if its short, I had to write it directly on tumblr cause I can’t copy paste so i really cba😭🙏

#nathan doe #sturniolo triplets #nathan doe fanfic

[mattphobiia]

OPPOSITES ATTRACT.

this was now the beginning of my second year in university and although i knew the layout of the place well, everything felt more terrifying. i know that this isn't like shitty high school where everyone thrives off the drama created but i won't lie, these people are adults but seem more immature and worse than your average student in a school. there was this guy called chris sturniolo and we definitely had some heated arguments that nearly turned into physical fights and it didn't help that i was best friend's with his brothers, nick and matt. i adored them both but i had a stronger connection with matt due to the fact we both were awkward as fuck along with our matching crippling anxiety. i felt like i could tell him anything and he would never judge, but it wasn't one of those romantic crush scenarios. we were strictly best friends and we both liked it that way!

i await outside my porch, waiting to see that familiar car matt had always driven until i see it, making my nerves calm down for a minute until i saw that stupid face of chris, and my mood was brought back down again. i sigh, rolling my eyes in annoyance as i began to approach the car, slipping into the backseat with nick as we all began to talk, apart from chris. i mean, i did feel his cold stare dig holes through me through the rearview mirror but i make an effort to ignore it. so what if he didn't like me? matt and nick did, and i only wanted to talk to them anyway. unlike chris, i had way more in common with them both regarding hobbies and interests. for example, matt and i hated going to parties and loud events while chris seemed to live off that shit. none of us had ever smoked, apart from chris. chris was your typical "bad influence" friend, but he looked good doing it. yeah i hated him, but i guess he was attractive. it was mainly the hair doing it for me, his personality is definitely ugly as fuck, which made me giggle thinking about it.

"why the fuck are you laughing to yourself? goddamm weirdo." chris mutters, looking back at me with the dirtiest expression i had ever seen, which made my heart beat with anger.

"because i can. now turn around and stop looking at me with such a dirty face, clean your grubby ass up before talking to me." i reply proudly, chris only rolling his eyes before slumping back into the car seat while matt and nick chuckled to themselves.

matt finally pulled up into the parking lot, all of us procrastinating getting out of the car after a long enjoyed break from this shit hole. i keep my distance with chris, standing close to matt as our arms slightly touched together while we walked, it was our way of reassurance, a small intimate act like this definitely calmed us both down for the better. we began to approach the announcement board only to see that there was a lecture in the hall basically recapping our last year before we broke up, and i sighed with embarrassment. the university always had this tradition of sharing all of the students positive and negative feedback we get on our behaviour, whether it be fights, chatting unnecessary shit, or just anything embarrassing in the hopes to stop students from misbehaving but it never worked.

after the humiliating recap lecture of all of the students behavioural issues, matt and i sat in our secret area that barely anyone knew existed, chris and nate sat on the other side trying to avoid me. chris obviously would tell nate about me and how he seemed to hate me. nate was a nice guy but he tried his best to avoid me for chris' sake.

i lean my head against matt's shoulder, peering down at his phone screen while i watched him scroll through tiktok, like usual. chris always used the fact that since we were this close we may as well date, but it honestly wasn't like that. we just felt like we were siblings, and we would never date. i made that very clear to chris, but he still always found a way to make my blood boil even if he was just sneaking a smug glance at me.

chris and nate were mainly just talking about skating after they had finished their course work and getting high, but i wasn't surprised. i always wanted to learn how to use a skateboard, but always felt like i could never because i knew damn well chris would rather push me off a cliff than do anything like that with me. i mean, nate probably would but i couldn't be bothered to deal with him especially because of his bossy attitude. matt knew how to skate and would probably teach me if i asked, but he never really done it anymore as he already owned a car, while nick... is just nick. he would probably start screaming as he would go down on a ramp and fall flat on his face, which that would be funny.

"stop staring at me weirdo." chris shouts over at me, making me jolt upwards in confusion. turns out while i was zoned out, i was just admiring chris the whole time, fuck.

"shut up, whiny ass bitch." i reply, rolling my eyes in response as i lean my head back down onto matt, who was now playing a mobile game, not paying attention to his surroundings.

"i am not whiny, your annoying ass voice is though." he states, beginning to smirk as he bit the side of his cheek trying to hide his smile.

"at least i don’t have an ugly tattoo." i sneer, pointing at one of his tattoos on his left forearm, making him look down in disapproval.

"whatever, maybe get some tattoos to hide that boring personality like matt." he says, matt's head immediately snapping upwards with the mention of his name, glaring at chris before he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to nate who was chuckling at our interaction.

"ignore him." matt whispers, making me turn my head to him before nodding in response, leaning my head back against him. "he's only just trying to fuck around with you, don't let him win."

"i know, hes just... so fucking annoying." i huff, he only laughed while he lifted his arms, motioning for me to lay my head on his lap. "how do you cope with him?"

"he's my brother, first of all. but sometimes i do want to smash his face with a frying pan. he is a literal chatting machine." he says dramatically, the both of us beginning to laugh heavily while both boys looked over at us like we were fucking crazy.

i had just about survived all these long ass lectures, somehow matt and i being halfway across the classroom which made us both feel uneasy, but also having chris right behind me. i could tell he was staring me down and i hated it, but i managed. according to some girl called brittany, theres a party being hosted nearby and everyone was invited. when i told matt, i immediately knew his answer when chris just had to persuade him to go last minute, but i knew that i wouldn't want him to go through it alone. when chris says "he'll be by his side", he means that matt would just be alone in the corner while chris was getting absolute shitfaced and there was no way i would let him do that.

"well, if matt is going then so am i. you're just going to get wasted the whole time and leave matt feeling awkward. fuck that." i add, slowly stroking matt's arm before giving him a warm smile, which made him feel safe.

"whatever, go be with your little boyfriend like a clingy little loser." chris rolls his eyes in disgust, walking off as he slams the door shut to his room.

"for fucks sake, why does chris always think we are dating?" i shout angrily, leaning my head into his chest as he pulls me into a soft hug.

"he's jealous of our bond. hes just a fuck boy who loves to hurts everyone while i actually care about you. no, i dont want a relationship with you but i love you like my sister." he smirks.

"how cute, matthew." i smile, tapping the tip of his phone with my finger as he lets out a laugh. "wanna get ready now? for this stupid party?"

"i guess, i know deep down we are both dreading this." he sighs, wondering off to his room as he watched me nod before i quickly rushed into mine.

MASTERLIST / P2 , P3 , P4

a/n: this is only part 1, keep a look out for part 2🥴 LOOOL anyways work is so stressful rn so this could take awhile but i got alot of drafts atm sooo i may upload some of them:) hope all my followers enjoy these 🤗🤗🤗 also i dont rlly proof read them at all bc im lazy asf so my bad if theres any errors or if it dont make sense

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo

[brinleyparke]

Has anyone else noticed that the team has the tendency to treat Street like 💩?

After Hondo kicked him off SWAT, they all took Hondo's side. I get that it was wrong that Street lied, but he had a point. If Street told Hondo it was something with his mom, Hondo might not have let him go help her. Plus, it would have been too long of a story (bc they didn't know about his uncle), and Street didn't exactly have time to explain. Street did the wrong thing for the right reason. They were all way too hard on him, especially Hondo and Luca. I get Luca not wanting to give Street a free pass, but that doesn't mean he has to be a dick to Street.

Luca and Tan kept pressuring Street to write a letter to a loved one, but they didn't consider the fact that he doesn't have anyone to write to.

Chris accused Nate of manipulating Street and getting Street in trouble. She also implied that Nate wasn't as important because he wasn't Street's brother by blood. Then, she didn't even apologize after Nate died trying to help Street put a drug dealer in prison.

On Street's first day, they treated him like a suspect instead of a team member.

They forget Street is a damn good cop that knows how to do his damn job.

They didn't trust his judgment when he said Alfaro couldn't be trusted. They just assumed he was being childish.

When he's friendly to anyone female, they automatically assume he's trying to get in their pants.

Stris was toxic because Chris didn't give a damn about how Street felt. She'd make false promises or flip-flop back and forth about how she felt.

Whenever Street messes up wven the tiniest bit, it's a huge deal, and Hondo and Deac are yelling in his face. But when someone else messes up, they get a slap on the wrist, and it's over. Take 1x11, for example: Street saw a guy with a gun, so he pulled out his gun, leading the rest of the team to pull out their guns. The guy wouldn't put the gun down and said, "Come and take it," so Street came and took it. The gun fell and went off accidentally, and the bullet hit the ceiling. Street cuffed the guy. Hondo and Deac jump all on Street's case about how the bullet could have hit a civilian or one of the team. While that would have been unfortunate, what else was Street supposed to do? The guy didn't look like he was about to put his gun down any time soon. Was he just supposed to wait for the guy to pull out the gun and point it at them or grab a civilian as a hostage and point it at his/her/their head? But then, at the end, Hondo threatens a guy, and Street calmly and quietly reminds him about "the golden rule," which is to keep your cool.

Everything about 1x13 (Hondo even said it was ICE's op. SWAT was just the backup, the muscle. That means ICE, a federal agency, had jurisdiction. Therefore, Street was correct in saying that he could not tell the ICE agent "no" when the agent asked for the guy's ID. Plus, Hondo was right there and saw the whole thing happen, and he didn't say a word. But, of course, the media had to blow things out of proportion and say, "To hell with context," and suddenly Hicks is yelling at Street in front of everyone – not even just the team, but everyone. This episode pisses me off.)

Hondo left for Mexico while Street was in the hospital. He didn't even text or call to see how Street was doing.

They don't consider his past and how that influences his behavior. For example, they get mad at him for not trusting anyone, but they forget he has been abandoned, neglected, manipulated, used, and abused by those who are supposed to love him and take care of him and protect him. They also get mad at him for not knowing the importance of family and what family means, but they forget that he's never had a real family.

All of 4x07. Don't even get me started.

#s.w.a.t cbs #s.w.a.t. #swat 2017 #swat #jim street is a cinnamon roll #jim street #jim street deserves better

[sciderman]

I love the Cable hate recently because honestly that’s my favourite thing about Cablepool, the fact that Nathan truly is the biggest prick (and has the biggest prick) and only Wade seems to realise that, especially during the Cable and Deadpool run: the world sees Cable as strong and intelligent and cool, and Deadpool is calling him out for being lame and a dick. Meanwhile everyone in the world only sees Wade’s flaws, while Cable has heart eyes every time he looks at Wade.

Spider-Man (at least early on): “I could fix him.”

Cable, holding a collar and leash: “Grow up. I think the atrocities he commits are funny.”

NATE IS SOOO... i'm obsessed with his ridiculous mind. he should not have that much power. he should not have that much power.

nate does want to fix wade, but nate is so deeply flawed and controlling and hardly the barometer for you know. moral good. and i'm obsessed and constantly thinking about nate's backwards logic in justifying that wade is a good boy by consequentialism alone. it doesn't matter what wade's intentions are and whether wade had any say in the matter over anything - if, in the end, wade "behaves" it doesn't matter how much nate had to interfere and force wade's hand to get that outcome.

nate: "he did the right thing." everyone around him: "you literally fucking rearranged all variables around him so that he had no other option than to do the right thing." nate: "he did the right thing and i'm proud of him."

i'm obsessed with you nathan. full offence what the fuck is wrong with you.

i always say that's kind of just... that's why nate and wade just couldn't ever be healthy, and why peter and wade are just... healthier. because nathan wants control over wade - basically, wants control over everything. wade's intentions don't matter as long as the outcome is desirable. wade can't - wade can't actually turn a new leaf in those circumstances. because he's a disobedient dog, and he will growl and bite and kick if someone tries to control him.

and wade is so aware - wade knows nate is constantly exerting his will over wade's actions.

lord mama they are so fucked up... they are so fucked up...

i think that's why 9319 peter (my beloved) is so good for wade - because he pointedly - pointedly does not want to exert power over wade. he doesn't want responsibility over wade. wade has to make his own decisions. peter is hands-off.

wade isn't a child - or an animal that needs to be tamed. and peter's been all about this since the beginning.

peter knows that a man is the product of the choices he makes. i think peter kind of embodies the power of choice - peter makes the conscious choice to do good, despite his own wants and desires. he could be bad. he could be just like wade. and he knows it.

he doesn't intend to rob wade of choice. he knows how important it is. he knows how important it is that wade makes the choice for himself, to be better.

he doesn't want to take credit for wade's positive change. it's his.

and it makes peter's pride in wade just, all the more sincere. because he knows it's all him. it's all wade.

is peter frustrated that he can't do more to help? endlessly, yeah. but i think he accepts it - that he's powerless.

nate wants so badly to be wade's saviour.

and peter - i think peter's accepted or is learning to accept that he can't be. and kind of never wanted to be, in the first place.

i think it's why wade is kind of scared of the term "hero" - because he's never felt like the hero in his story. he's always felt like a victim of the narrative, or his actions were somehow influenced by someone else or the desire to impress someone else. he has very little trust in his own power of will.

it's a sore spot.

once again, wade attacking peter parker for something he feels guilty of himself. letting outside forces influence his choices rather than taking ownership of his own decisions

the original.. FUN fact. the original draft of civil war was so much more overt about this, actually. and i can finally share the panel. i can finally share the panel from the original draft of that post. it's wild. i don't really remember writing it, and i don't even have the rest of it. but bex saved this one panel and i think about it a lot. out there in the cosmos is an alternative version of that civil war argument that i guess i didn't go for. i think the uncle ben thing worked better. but. still. i love the red art. red is so sexy.

i think wade's whole outrage in civil war with peter was the whole discredit to wade's change. the second that peter put the tracer on wade, PAIRED with the confession that morning, made wade feel all kinds of "oh. i finally qualify for his love." feelings. and it made him angry. because it made wade feel like all the positive change he made wasn't actually for him, but peter's will all along.

god. i got so carried away here. but yeah. wade is all furious about this because it's something nate would pull.

long story short, wade's tired of being controlled, but he's still in the mindset that he's being controlled. by whatever. by peter. by nate. by the author (me) (he's wrong, by the way).

yadda yadda yadda, wade learning he has power. he has free will. he is capable of change, and he's not at the mercy of nathan fucking summers or the narrative all the time.

i think it's fun actually that wade has this perception of powerlessness and an absence of free will in his relationship with nate,, and peter is (unintentionally) teaching wade how he has power over his own life and power over other people and with great power c

#sci speaks #of course nathaniel DID gently nudge wade wilson down a path in 9319... gently... sure. sure. gently. #we'll say gently.

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x9 Thoughts

This one might be tied for favorite episode of the season for me. While I’ve been mostly willing to vibe with the jam-packed episodes, I approached 3x9 with a bit of concern; if it felt like the story was getting bigger instead of smaller here in the final third of the season, I was going to start to lose my patience. (To translate: I am an impatient person but I'm also a pretty long-fused person, and me starting to lose my patience would be akin to someone with a short fuse going fucking ham on someone.) Luckily, I felt like each thread here spoke to the other threads really neatly, like watching a cohesive conversation take place in multiple rooms. Magically. 

For this one, I'm gonna attempt some bullets that cover 3x9 itself, then I need to attempt to process this weird experience of MISSING TED (while also basically appreciating what he's doing, but missing him, but appreciating him, lawjefpawoijfapweoijafwepklajwef) that has me very :eyesemoji: about the next three weeks of my life.

Nate’s desire for connection and camaraderie didn’t overshadow his ability to recognize that Rupert was trying to manipulate him into a toxic night out! There will be consequences for pulling away, and he knows it, but he did the right thing anyway. I’ve seen some discussions and arguments re: Jade’s influence on Nate and whether we should attribute Nate’s backbone and ability to make better choices to the love of a woman, and whether that’s disappointing and belittling to both characters, but I think a lot of those positions (on either side) are too hard-and-fast. Nate has always valued the things he values, and his relationship with Jade hasn’t changed his values or the fundamental truth of who he is. At the same time, being physically and emotionally close to a person you trust feels really, really good. Why shouldn’t those good feelings have a positive impact on the reserves of strength you must draw on to do things like stand up to an evil asshole you hadn’t entirely let yourself notice is an evil asshole? Nate in all his multitudes has always been Nate; Nate who is in love is able to see himself more clearly. If we were all only allowed in our real lives to experience character growth purely independently, we wouldn’t get very far.

I’ve been thinking a lot about influence and obligation when it comes to Rebecca’s storyline, too. I was a little afraid, after 3x3 and the way she initially responds to Tish’s prophecies, that Rebecca would end up a lone actor, in a sense, tracking down clues and answers at the expense of fostering her actual existing relationships. While I’m still curious and nervous and excited about what all of it means, I really appreciate that Rebecca has shown up for people this season, especially here in the latter half. Rebecca is almost certainly being driven a little crazy by the unfinished parts of what Tish told her, but she isn’t isolating herself. In calling Roy out for his avoidant behaviors and lack of accountability for the press conference (and, of course, the way his work performance mirrors his decision to leave his relationship with Keeley), she demonstrates accountability as a boss and as a friend. I don’t need to see Rebecca conducting meetings or writing emails to know she’s working, but it felt really important to me to see her get upset with Roy, both professionally and personally, and break through his exterior. Ted, Trent, Phoebe, and even Keeley have chipped away at it this season, but the epiphany required Rebecca being Rebecca. And the energy between Rebecca and Roy is very !!!

I loved the way the Nate-Rupert-Jade, Rebecca-Roy, and Roy-Isaac(-Will!) interactions all reinforce the idea that no one has the full picture of what is happening in another person’s brain, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t act on truths as they are revealed, as difficult as it may be. 

As a queer person who is thankfully many years removed from the most stressful coming-out experiences I’ve had (although of course there are still plenty of moments of having to explain or identify oneself to another person—it never really ends—I consider myself “out” in that everyone in my life who I care about knowing knows I’m queer, and, so long as general safety is established, I feel able to explain it to additional people in most contexts without much or any stress), I really loved and appreciated Colin’s storyline here. Very little about my identity or place in the world resembles Colins, but so much of this episode resonated. We’ve already seen Colin describe his relationship to his sexual identity to Trent, and within that same conversation he spoke about not wanting to be a spokesperson with the pressure of publicly representing gay men. I absolutely love that the framing of the locker room scene respected those desires; he tells his teammates and coaches he’s gay, but we the public aren’t part of the several seconds that the literal announcement occurs. We get to see the freedom and relief the truth brings him, but the lessons of this episode are for the people around him. 

The downside of writing this a couple days after the episode airs means I’ve read a lot of discourse, but I don’t think this episode did a disservice to Isaac or Colin. The writers room in s3 included writers specifically experientially equipped to tell this story, and to me, it shows. It shows in the realism of Isaac’s well-meaning questions (which Colin wouldn’t have answered so graciously if Isaac wasn’t so genuinely curious and caring!), and the tiring ways that queer people are burdened with conversational “obligations” and explanations that are just different than what straight people deal with. Ignorance and awareness exist on an incredibly long spectrum, and for me this story was affirming, not traumatizing, beautiful, and yet it also included the exhausting imperfections that cloak even the most positive coming-out experiences. 

I’ve also been thinking a lot about Ted’s speech. Basically ever since Colin said the thing about Grindr in s2, I’ve been certain Colin would come out as gay to the team and reckon with being closeted in the context of the men’s Premier League. And literally since he made that little comment, I’ve been nervous about how Ted would react. I already knew he was a politically progressive person who identified himself as an ally, so I wasn’t afraid he’d have some kind of bigoted rejection reaction. But I did worry that his reaction would be sooooo cringe and try-hard and awkward that I’d legitimately run into issues writing and posting fiction about his obvious latent bisexuality on our home away from home, Archive of Our Own. And while Ted’s seven-layer-dip Denver Broncos analogy WAS cringe and try-hard and off-base, I absolutely loved how unflinchingly imperfect it was and how, despite those imperfections, his instinct re: the point he actually wanted to make was spot on and extremely valuable. If a white, middle-aged, (past-tense-ish hahahahahahaha I’m so normal about the word “was”) straight man who’s worked in sports his whole life had figured out the perfect thing to say, I’d have rolled my eyes at the screen. It felt realistic to me that he desperately wanted to find an analogy or connection point, immediately regretted it, and still—because of who he is when the din of his thoughts gives way actual clarity—managed to articulate that it’s very, very important that Colin’s community actually cares about who Colin is and that he was able to share this information with them. It’s the difference, in many ways, between being doomed to continue to feel like you have two lives (because you’re surrounded every day by people who look past something important to you or pretend not to see the differences) vs. knowing that even if you never come out to the entire world, you aren’t splintering yourself because you’re able to be your whole self around the people who actually matter. Anyway, the speech was imperfect and unwieldy, and that was the point, and his actual message was essential for everyone in that room to hear, and that was the point, and I will be capable of continuing to write fic in which Ted is attracted to men without his reaction to Colin haunting me. (I actually already have an idea for a future fic in which he reflects more, but that’s literally a story for another time.)

At this point in the season, I feel so curious about, um. What is happening. With Ted Lasso. The guy. In both s1 and s2, I felt about a millimeter away from him at all times, even when he wasn’t onscreen. This season, he’s so intentionally obscured. Getting to go to that museum in Amsterdam with him—and, perhaps even more importantly, the Yankee Doodle Burger Barn, and perhaps even more importantly than that, the back of that bus—was a relief and a reconnection point that was much needed, but I am absolutely FASCINATED and MYSTIFIED at this point in time at just how effective and maddening it is that I’m having a lot of trouble understanding how he truly feels about himself and the people around him. Like, I would obviously love to watch him be in love with Rebecca. But I would also love to watch him be in love with a place, or with two places, or with coaching, or with his partially-lost Beard, or with the words and images that have come to him in visions, or even with the unhealthy things that pull at him, like booze and stewing and obsession. Basically every episode—at least for me—contains some glimmer of connection, to his self or to one of his friends, and it’s always fleeting, and I’m holding onto the almost certainty of the fact that the decisions he has to make are going to require some kind of visible reckoning. Most of my nerves about the final three episodes of this show as we know it are related to these questions. 

As for this episode, I don’t think I’ve quite captured the FEELINGS I felt while watching it. (I also completely failed to go into Ted sharing his biscuits with Keeley and continuing his perfect streak of making it super weird whenever he shares biscuits with a non-Rebecca person. I LOVED IT.) This was the episode that made me the most audibly squeal-y this season. And the most curious about how Ted has managed to get so far into his own brain that I actually miss him on his own show! Very curious stuff. What are the next three Tuesdays going to do to my brain and heart?

#ted lasso #ted lasso s3 spoilers #ted lasso 3x9 #hot dork club #meta by me #ted lasso meta #ted x rebecca #rebecca x roy #ted x men x allyship x cringe x but not too cringe x lol #queer things

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

Six Seven Sentence Sunday

Beard had the team running warm-ups when he made his way down to the field, dragging and grumbling and generally looking like just about the sorriest bunch of campers he’d ever laid eyes on. They’d put on a real brave face through the first three ties — draws —, clapped each other on the back in the locker room and showed up to practice as happy little goldfish ready to swim their hearts out. The grumbling had started by the fourth and only gotten worse with every passing week, as had Jan Maas’ dire predictions (that kid had a heck of a brain for statistics, if only he weren’t using it to unsettle his teammates), while Isaac got more and more wrapped up in his head, snapping at ‘em to pull it together, did they want to spend another season in the Championship League? Winning might not be everything, but even Ted could admit a win would do ‘em a whole heck of a lot of good, prove they were still a fantastic bunch of athletes even without Roy and Jamie; just needed to find their footing.

Practice dragged by slow. Ted stood on the sidelines with his hands planted at his hips, shouting encouragement each time the boys fumbled the ball, the back of his neck prickling — Dr. Sharon had set up behind him on the top row of the bleachers with her notepad and her pens and a gaze that felt like it could pierce plain through his skull and into his brain. To his left, Beard stood with his arms crossed tight and a deep frown on his face; to his right, Nate drummed his fingers against the drinks table, splitting his attention between Will and the team like he was worried the wrong flavour of sports drink would compound whatever terrible influence the lavender detergent had apparently had on their play.

#fic: wrong answers only #the team is on their early season 2 tie streak and not happy about it #and ted is unknowingly enjoying his last few hours before being subject to the torments of the universe (time loop) #ted lasso

[2manythoughtz]

Reasons Why Nate Is The Most Misunderstood Character Of Euphoria

Nate is probably the most misunderstood character of all the series, people both adore and hate him, but why is that?

When you think of Euphoria the first characters that come to mind are Rue, Jules, Maddy and Cassie. While they’re all very well-defined characters, I think we can all agree that Euphoria is great at leaving a cloud of mystery around these people. So, while you take in their backstories and see what they’re up to, you might question their actions and their reasoning since they don’t exactly show you everything you want to know.

While plot holes and mischaracterization aren’t new to fans, what seem like small mistakes when talking about the main characters can later become big trouble for other secondary characters like Nate.

To refresh your mind, Nate is the youngest son of a very important and wealthy family, his great looks and athleticism made him one of the most popular kids in school. He’s the usual asshole jock you can find in any kind of movie, only in Euphoria you can see so many different shades of him that you end up confused and you don’t know what type of person he is.

Why is he so misunderstood in the series?

As I said earlier, he is your typical jock. He’s a douche who plays football, gets the girl, throws wild parties and is overall a pretty bad person. That is until we see his backstory and realize that something is wrong.

1. Sexuality

I’m gonna stop on this point for a while because I feel like no one ever cared/understood what was going on. Ever since we got our first look at Nate’s backstory, during episode 2 of season 1 “Stuntin like my daddy”, I think people have entirely misunderstood his character based on his sexuality.

As we get to see, his psyche is very dark and twisted because of his father’s influence from a very young age, though it was indirect it didn’t stop him from getting this obsession with sex. We can see this through his whole relationship with Maddy which is very sexual and almost obsessive, which to me feels like kind of an anchor to his heterosexuality. But that doesn’t mean that he is homosexual, differently from what everyone in the series seems to think as soon as they find out that he has dick pics on his phone.

So what is he? Truth is, it doesn’t really matter? I don’t think people should concentrate on the right label as the show is good at portraying the fact that sexuality is fluid. If you think about Rue, everyone was so quick to accept her and her relationship just because she’s the protagonist, Jules also gets acclaimed for her initial confusion but Nate gets immediately ridiculed and seen as this weird boy.

Another thing that I see a lot of people talking about is his obsession with Jules in the first season, which to me doesn’t sound like a romantic interest at all and it just goes so far as for the sexual part. They’ve only shared nudes and Nate was no stranger to receiving nudes from other people, both men and women apparently, so there was never something special between them. Yes, they texted a lot and he seemed genuine in getting to know her, but let’s all remember that it all started because Nate knew Jules had hooked up with his father and wanted to protect his family’s name.

I really like how in the first season no one really talks about his preferences that much because we’re all focused on his toxic side after he attacked Maddy.

The second season was a hot mess, that is no secret. I’m not surprised he went for Cassie, if you think about it really hard it makes sense. She is everything he liked and everything Maddy wasn’t. At least at first, in the end, we’re left with a lot of questions after the school play which makes fun of Nate being gay for no apparent reason. We’re left with this curiosity, is Nate really gay and hiding his preferences because that’s what he’s been taught? Or is he simply confused and still trying to understand himself?

2. Trauma

As much as everyone hates Nate’s ways, we must remember that everything happens for a reason. In his case, Nate’s father is the real reason behind his behavior. This is in no way a reason to excuse what he did in the series nor justify him, just trying to understand the reasoning behind his character.

Euphoria has done an incredible job of showing the different traumas that affected most of the main characters, it’s amazing to see how their childhoods impacted their teenage years regardless of how serious you think their problems might be. In this sense, Nate’s childhood is very well described.

Not only he had an emotionally absent father, but he’s only seen his dad being obsessed with having the perfect family while hiding away every flaw they might have. Nate is born with this unexplained anger inside of him that we later find out is passed down by his father, that alone makes it hard for him to grow up without anyone ever noticing it.

The rest of his family is messed up as well, but the father is the real reason for how he behaves. Nate finds out about his father’s sexuality through the recordings of his random hookups with gay men and trans women, this significantly impacts little Nate’s mentality.

Not only does he learn that his father is cheating on his mother, but he also tries to hide his preferences meaning that they’re wrong. Of course, we know that that is not the case, but everything is very well explained in season 2 when we see Cal Jacobs in his teen years having difficulties with his sexuality as well, but that’s another topic to look into.

Nate’s constant obsessive behavior is just a replica of his father’s desperate tentative to have a perfect family while hiding himself. One of the main reasons why I don’t think Nate is necessarily gay is that he is never shown to have a genuine interest in men romantically speaking, just trying to fill his father’s shoes.

3. Toxic Relationships

As I said before, he is in a very toxic relationship with Maddy in season 1 and in yet another toxic relationship with Cassie in season 2. That definitely goes to define his view of love and relationships, not only that but his only example of a regular couple is his parents who barely talk to each other.

Maddy can be labeled as his first love, he goes as far as saying that he would kill for her. But it is also shown that they argue a lot and have many differences that cause them to yell at each other and become physical and that only goes to reinforce his idea that with love comes anger and it’s ok as long as it’s not out there for everybody to see.

That is shown when Nate reacts violently to Maddy insulting him in front of his family and everybody standing there. But when faced with the question about his sexuality he breaks down because he doesn’t know what acceptance is, he feels like he has failed.

With Cassie everything seems to be perfect, she’s gentle and delicate and he thinks she would be perfect to be his future wife. But as their relationship develops, we can see that he quickly regrets his decision once he sees just how broken she is. She’s perfect on the outside but she may be worse than Maddy on the inside and I believe that will definitely shape his view of relationships in the future and he’ll think twice before getting with anyone.

This can also be proved by the fact that even if he and Maddy broke up, they kept meeting up and acting like a couple, even when he was with Cassie. To me, this shows that he’s not comfortable getting with new people and would rather stay with the old toxic ones.

As I said earlier, Nate seemed genuine in talking to Jules even if he wasn’t honest with her. When she finds out that the boy she has fallen for is none other than the school’s jock she is disappointed and scared which is understandable from our point of view, but I think that left Nate bittersweet. He knew he was blackmailing her but from his point of view as long as she kept quiet he wasn’t going to do anything to her, what might’ve developed into a friendship became a hate relationship.

Going into seasons 1 and 2, Nate never tries to hurt Jules again and seems kind of melancholic that they’re not talking anymore. That might be just another way for him to see that he is not fit for friendships with the other sex and keep his view of women as these objects for his pleasure and status.

4. Self-esteem issues

Throughout the series, we can see that Nate is not this big confident jock as everyone think he is. In fact, he is very self-conscious about himself in every way. We can get a first glimpse of this in the second episode of season 1.

Nate has been working out ever since he was a child to get the perfect body, he is ashamed of his insecurities and tends to hide from others. He doesn’t like changing with his teammates in the locker room, he doesn’t feel comfortable having people around him and he needs to be in control of the situation and also everyone close to him.

His sexuality of course is his number one insecurity, he doesn’t know how to hide it so he tries his best to focus on finding the perfect girl. As I anticipated before, his relationship with Maddy feels like an excuse to feel and show his heterosexuality even though we know he isn’t. As soon as that facade is over he doesn’t seem to care about anything, not Maddy, not Cassie and definitely not Jules.

His aggression, his jealousy and his need to protect those he cares about all come from the fact that he is insecure, he fears they will leave him and he’ll lose the only people he actually accepts. At the end of the day, he is still a teenager and feels just like most teenagers which is something I feel like most people completely forget and see him just as this grown asshole that only cares about himself.

In conclusion, while Nate is probably the most hated character in the series, he is so complex and has a lot of potential, it’s a shame that it was wasted in the end. There is so much more to say about him that I think was completely missed throughout the second season. There is so much people want to know about Nate’s future, is he going to hide all his life and play pretend like his father? Or will he break the cycle and finally be himself?

What do you think? Feel free to join the discussion with your personal thoughts! Do you agree? Do you disagree? Let me know!

#movies #tv series #series #thoughts #nate jacobs #euphoria #maddy perez #cassie #Jules #opinion #discussion #pop culture #sexuality #article #euphoria theories #Rue #let me know your thoughts #feel free to reblog

[quixot1sm]

can you talk about n in the hilbertverse

OHOHOHOH... i have a lot to say about him. theyre a deeply complicated person with a handful of mysteries to him that can never be definitively answered (i mean, i could probably tell you, but as far as hilbertverse canon goes it's up to interpretation...). and he has good reason for this! prepare for a lot of words because this guys a doozy

for starters: n, despite his innate kindness and will to do good, is alarmingly similar to his father. and not for nothing... n in his entirety was fabricated from the very beginning. seeking a blank slate and spurred by his own ego, ghetsis created a clone of himself that he could then mold into not only a reliable pawn, but also the spitting image of the first king of unova- a historical figure who had become more akin to a deity for the cult that had evolved over time into what is now team plasma. the actions he took to do so included but were not limited to: abandoning n as an infant only to return to him when he was ~8 to create both a distrust towards humanity as well as a dependency on ghetsis, only exposing n to pokemon who had been so heavily abused by humans that n couldnt understand them, and finally, telling n that he was the literal reincarnation of king harmonia.

(ghetsis, in spite of being raised in this cult himself, didnt care much for the semi-religious importance of his ancestor. but the legend was useful in garnering n a following when plasma expanded into the public)

but back on topic. because of his father's influence, n truly believed himself to be a perfect, infallible being that would shed light on a world overtaken by evil, and hes also terribly charismatic, and speaks with conviction. hes calculated, though he doesnt see living beings as tools for his use the way ghetsis does... and hes very dramatic, a romantic, and holds a strong belief in the concept of destiny.

after the climax of bw though, his understanding of the world shatters around him, along with his sense of identity once ghetsis reveals that ns life itself is a farce. what parts of n are real and which were instilled in him? which are him and which are his father? who knows... n certainly doesnt. he struggles deeply with determining reality, and a terrible self image, following this event and leading to present day. in fact, they felt so unqualified for any kind of responsibility or respect that he tried to shrug off his title of hero of truth to the first person they believed would be deserving of it. since this was nate though, that kinda failed.

n carries a lot of guilt, and consistently tries to "make up for" the things he did/believes he caused. one of these undertakings was a search for the dark stone after learning that hilbert was apparently killed while trying to find him. n continued this quest for roughly five straight years, stopping back in unova every few months to recover from such an arduous task and to share or gather updates to the situation.

during this time, n's idolization of hilbert as the only real thing in his life grew worse, until n regarded him in a nearly demigod-like status. to him, hilbert was the true hero, a self-made person who was able to win one of the legendary dragons' favor through his own work alone. in their mind, hilbert was organic where n was artificial, the epitome of idealism, so over time n's idea of hilbert morphed from a human to a concept. of course, n's delusions would once again be shattered, this time by a discovery in alola...

and thats the overview! but for some additional trivia:

n has never once cared about gender in their entire life and will go with any pronouns others use for him without batting an eye (but defaults to he/they when referring to himself)

his ability to "speak" with pokemon is actually a sort of telepathy inherited from king harmonia's initial encounter with taijirum. he doesnt hear words per se, but instead sees and feels the imagery, emotion and intent in the mind of the pokemon he's communicating with.

all his talk of seeing the future in bw wasnt literal. he was just very confident in his analyses of the situation unfolding before him. and to his credit he was often right

most of the general public doesnt know his face, much less the details or validity of what was happening in 2010, thanks to interpol's intervention. interpol does like to keep an eye on him though. just in case.

after returning to unova they spent a loooot of days and nights in the ruins of their castle, wallowing in the remains of the illusory world he had once lived in and sitting in the throne room that served as a reminder to the one piece of reality from that time he could cling onto. but, when weather made it dangerous or impossible, he moved to couch-surfing in the houses of those such as alder and rood. when n left again after bw2 though, hed return every few months and alternate between the aforementioned two and sometimes hilbert's friends.... even though cheren did not like him very much and only allowed it because bianca felt bad for him(/it's what hilbert wouldve wanted...)

hes not actually obsessed with ferris wheels. hes just as enthralled with any other combination of technology and architecture (ex. anville town, gear station, etc), but after bw ferris wheels hold sentimental value so they do have a special place in his heart.

they start wearing more colorful clothing over time as a token of his newfound freedom and slow-but-sure development into a member of human society. his favorite color is orange

their birthday is january 1st :)

#asks #anonymous #n harmonia

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i finished my lasso rewatch! at first i was feeling kind of confused that the penultimate scene didn’t feature ted -- that we kinda wandered away from ted to roy and keeley, then to sam, then to the nate reveal.

however! after thinking about it for a little bit, my read of this choice is: sam and nate were kind of on parallel but opposite journeys this season. sam learned how to listen to his own voice rather than getting pulled into the lure of fame, wealth, that kind of external validation that requires compromising your morals as someone in the spotlight. this was largely influenced by his loving and positive relationship with his dad, which is a big reason why he’s so grounded and has such good self-worth, even when he’s in challenging situations that make him feel insecure.

on the opposite end, nate has had such a painful life due to his father’s emotional abuse and coldness that he couldn’t resist the external validation of fame. i think it’s really clear in that nate/ted scene that a lot of nate’s anger and pain at ted is actually anger and pain at his own father, and well-justified pain. and unfortunately, due to his lack of a solid internal foundation, he falls to ~the dark side~ because that feels like the only way to keep getting the surface-level validation that he mistakes for true love & appreciation.

i think you could also kinda see sam’s brief, lovely relationship with rebecca and nate’s crush on keeley and the horrible culmination of that as paralleled situations.

anyway! that was just my read of something that originally made me go ‘huh, i wonder why they made that writing/editing choice!’. heartwrenching again, apple tv+’s ted lasso!

#also ... OH MY GOD WHERE IS SEASON 3 #dollsome's deep thoughts #ted lasso

[lunar-years]

I've had the theory for a while, based on the way he talks about her like she's not an active part of his life anymore, and because it would be an interesting parallel to Rebecca and Sassy/Nora, that Jamie probably stopped talking to his mother sometime in maybe his mid to late teens specifically because of his father's influence. The show's shown multiple times how good abusive people are at driving a wedge between you and the people who are actually caring positive influences in your life, and maybe he feels badly enough about the way he acted toward her when they spoke last that he's avoided trying to reconnect because he's afraid she hates him/ won't forgive him. And a reconciliation between Jamie and his mother could be an interesting parallel to the inevitable reconciliation between Nate and Ted (who we've seen Rupert actively trying to keep out of Nate's life)

"The show's shown multiple times how good abusive people are at driving a wedge between you and the people who are actually caring positive influences in your life." I agree with this so very much. I think Jamie's experiences with his father definitely led to him pushing away and isolating himself from the good people in his life, too. We see in s1 how he puts up barriers and uses bullying in part as a means of stopping anyone from getting too close to him. It really makes me think Keeley is the first person he's let see a different and more vulnerable side of him in quite some time.

Also, we do know Jamie and his mum were at least still close enough to go on a very memorable trip to Amsterdam together when he was 16-ish. But the way I see it, once he started really playing professionally and moved out, he started to distance himself from her in an attempt to cut out his past completely (cope with it by not coping with it, essentially, and his mum was the collateral).

I also think that by nature, the relationship probably involved a lot of secrets and things left unsaid between them; I have no doubt Jamie's mum knew James Sr.'s worst traits (and was likely a victim of his abuse herself, though perhaps not in the same ways as Jamie), but I struggle to see how his dad would have had such an influence on his teenage years if his very loving mother knew the full or even a small extent of the man's level of abuse towards their son. I do not think Jamie told her anything and he actually probably worked very hard to keep it from her. And I also think it's possible that part of the way his mum dealt with her own trauma was by not allowing herself to entertain the idea that James Sr.'s abuse extended to Jamie, too, even if a part of her suspected things weren't entirely right.

#asks #tw child abuse #tw domestic abuse #jamie tartt #ted lasso speculation #ted lasso #abuse and trauma are so complicated it could be a number of things but. #the couple of asks I got after the Amsterdam Ep like ‘Jamie definitely went home and told his mum about this!!’ I couldn’t agree with less #there’s some scenes that explore this in touch fic #but yeah. that’s the rundown on how I see it.

[spine-buster]

That Which We Are, We Are | Nathan MacKinnon | Chapter 2

gif credit @/divisionrival

A/N: We learn soooooo much about Sorcha in this chapter, and I honestly hope you all love her as much as I do!

Nate had showered that morning, and took his time picking out an outfit and getting dressed. He made sure to style his hair, spray on his good cologne, and put on one of his nicer watches. He even double-checked himself on his way out the door.

He didn’t know why he was nervous to have lunch with her when he was the one who had initiated it in the first place, but alas, he had butterflies in his stomach as he got into his car and plugged in his phone. Before leaving, he reviewed the email chain from last night – the one where she’d finally agreed to lunch. She was short and curt with her responses, much like she was when Shane was in the café. He hoped she was more forthcoming with her words over lunch, now that they were alone, without the influence of anyone else around.

He seemingly got to The Press Gang first, letting the hostess know his reservation and being seated at a table that was up against the giant old brick fireplace. Before Sorcha got there, the owner of the restaurant came out and spoke to him, shaking his hand with a firm handshake and asking for a photo. Nate politely obliged, thinking to himself that it was better this was done now rather than when Sorcha was there. He was sure – judging by what she’d written to him in her emails – that she would have shuddered at the whole thing. After the interaction, the waiter took his drink order and brought some water to the table.

Then Nate waited.

And waited.

And waited.

There was no way in hell he was getting stood up by Sorcha Saint-Coeur. No way in hell. Not because he was Nathan MacKinnon and who was she to stand him up, but because he knew she wasn’t capable of it. Sorcha was too nice a girl to stand someone up a restaurant.

At least, he thought so.

At almost the exact moment when his brain was going to turn on that thought, he saw Sorcha walk through the door, he curls bouncing and her dress swaying. She seemed breathless as she spoke to the hostess, but was soon walking behind her to where Nate was sitting. “Mr. MacKinnon, your guest has arrived,” the hostess smiled.

“Hi,” Sorcha said, her voice strong but, yes, completely breathless as she took her seat opposite of Nate.

“Hey,” he couldn’t help but smile. He knew he’d only seen her twice since moving to Colorado, but he’d never seen her so frazzled. For someone who kept strong and kept her cool in the face of seeing one of her high school bullies again, it was really, really cute.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I—”

“Can I start you off with something to drink?” the hostess interrupted.

Sorcha looked as if it took a few seconds to process what the hostess was even asking. She saw the water on the table and looked at her. “Just lemons for the water.”

The hostess nodded before leaving their table, and Sorcha focused her attention back on Nate. “I am really sorry I’m late. A meeting I was in about the new exhibit was running late, and I basically had to namedrop you as the only way to get out of it,” she explained.

Nate’s eyes lit up. “You namedropped me, huh?” he asked cheekily.

She immediately saw the look in his eyes and smiled too, albeit lips closed and trying her best to hide it. “Don’t push it. I hate being late to things, however much I was coerced into going to them by someone Googling me and finding my work email.”

It was Nate’s turn to bite his cheek. “Regardless of how much you were coerced, thanks for coming,” he said. “I uh, I really appreciate you taking your time out of your busy day. I can only imagine how much work curating an exhibit is.”

“How do you know I’m the one curating it?”

“Uh, I – the first time we saw each other at the café and I couldn’t remember you, I heard you talking about it with that waitress…”

“Oh, so now not only are you stalking me at my work, you’re eavesdropping on my conversations?” she retorted.

“No! No no no no no! I—” he tried to cover, shaking his head and repeating the words in rapid succession, attempting to stutter out a believable ‘I swear I’m not a creep’ speech when he stopped, noticing the smirk that overtook her face after she saw what a stumbling mess he’d turned into. His cheeks flushed red. He sighed, biting his tongue. “You got me.”

“It was easier than I thought.”

Nate noticed a stark contrast between the Sorcha from elementary and high school and the Sorcha that was sitting across from him. She was, well, beaming with confidence. It was oozing out of her in every word she said, in every movement she made, in every outfit she wore and colour of lipstick she chose. Instead of looking away when anyone addressed her, she would stare intensely into your eyes. Instead of barely speaking, most of her words cut like a dagger. Instead of retreating into herself when addressed by someone, she bright, vivacious, and effervescent. Every part of him was drawn to every part of her, from the first curl atop her head to periwinkle-coloured pedicured toes.

The waiter approached the table enthusiastically, placing a small plate of slight lemon wedges on the table. “I see your guest is here,” he smiled. “Should I bring menus?”

Before Nate could even nod his head, Sorcha took control of the situation. “You guys have Sober Island oysters, right?”

“We do! Just got some in fresh this morning.”

“Just shuck twelve at a time and bring them over for us,” she smiled at the waiter.

The waiter nodded at them both once more before leaving. Nate focused his attention back on Sorcha. “Who said I liked oysters?”

Sorcha shot him a look. “You’re from the East Coast, Nate. You like oysters and lobsters. I don’t care how long you’ve lived in Colorado. It’s in your blood.”

He couldn’t help but smile again. Her humour – her humour was another big thing that showed her confidence and how much she’d changed. “You need to tell me what you’ve been up to for eight years. You seem like a completely different person from what I remember.”

“I am a completely different person from what you remember. Even from what I remember,” she said, pouring herself a glass of water. “Elementary school, high school…I’m not the same person now as I was back then.”

“But that’s a good thing. I mean we all change,” Nate said. “I think if you or I hadn’t changed from high school that would be a problem. The fact that we have changed is completely normal.”

Sorcha stayed silent for a moment. It was as if she was fighting with herself on what to say next. “Why’d you invite me to lunch, Nate?”

“I told you. I haven’t seen you in almost a decade and it would be nice to know what you’re getting up to. We grew up on the same street, Sorcha.”

“You keep saying that but you always fail to mention how we lived completely different lives,” she said. “Like, is there an ulterior motive here? Some James Bond style spy mission to report back to people like Noah or Shane?”

“God no. Why would I tell anything about you to them?”

“Because they wouldn’t fucking leave me alone in high school,” her tone was harsh. “I know a lot but I don’t understand them and their choices and why they decided to bully me for years.”

“I’m not…” Nate shook his head, looking her straight in the eyes. “Sorcha, I’d never do that to you. I know I was a dick, but I’d never gossip about you to people you hate.”

Sorcha looked him in the eye, too, trying to find even a hint of lie; trying to find any little thing that would make her second-guess her decision to come and have lunch with Nate. But there was nothing. She could find nothing in him that made her not believe him, or make her second-guess herself. So she took a deep breath, calmed down, and made sure to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe becoming a hockey player changed him. She had no clue how it would, but maybe it did. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he said softly, accepting her apology. The waiter brought over their tray of oysters, setting it in the middle of the table, but neither of them grabbed at one yet. “You mentioned you got into the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design,” he mentioned, hoping she’d elaborate.

Sorcha hesitated once more before nodding, reaching out to grab an oyster. “It was really good for me, going to an art school. I was surrounded by people who had the same interests, same frame of mind, appreciated the same things…you know, all that stuff. But beyond that, nobody judged me. The friends I made there and that I still keep in touch with are some of the least judgemental people I’ve ever met. And it’s funny I say that, because art is all about interpretation but an important and vital part of it is also critique. So you would have thought they’d be judgemental, but they weren’t. They were so unlike everybody we went to high school with. And that’s why I loved it.”

“That’s—that’s good,” Nate said, sucking back an oyster. “I’m happy you found like-minded people.”

“I focused a lot on fine arts in my two years there – my painting, my sketching. I threw a couple of art shows with my friends and even sold some pieces at local markets through our little art collective—”

“You sold your art?”

“Yes.”

“Can I see it sometime?”

“Maybe,” she said. “Anyway, even though the fine art aspect of it was fun, I knew I wanted to pivot to art history. A professor at NSCAD put me in touch with their colleague who lectured at the University of Toronto. That professor took one look at my portfolio and put me up for a one-year exchange at the Florence Academy of Fine Arts in Italy.”

“Wait – you lived in Italy?”

Sorcha nodded. Judging by her smile, she was clearly still very proud of herself, and rightly so. It was a huge deal for a girl from Cole Harbour to go and live in Florence. “Yeah, I did. Studied art history there.”

“How was that?”

“The best year of my life,” she deadpanned, giggling slightly. “Italy’s a dream. Have you ever been?”

“Yeah, I’ve been with my buddies when we were over in Europe for a hockey tournament. Not to Florence, though. I hear it’s beautiful.”

“It’s stunning,” Sorcha confirmed. “It’s just the most beautiful city. And the people are so nice, and so…I don’t know, Italian. It was such a breath of fresh air, being there, living in a different country with a different culture. It made me realize there was a life outside of Nova Scotia that I could have, so I took full advantage of it.”

“Good for you.”

“Florence was such a dream. I could have stayed there for another year if I was allowed, but I wasn’t. I had to start the rest of the credits for art history, so I moved to Toronto and ended up living there for three years. I graduated in 2018, worked for a year, then moved back home, and I’ve been working at the art gallery ever since.”

It was an amazing story, one that Nate was genuinely happy to see Sorcha experience. She had gone through so much shit in school, it was nice to hear that she had found her people and succeeded outside the confines of high school. Not just succeeded – soared. She’d done better than anyone else he knew or heard about. Sure, his friends were successful, but nobody had sold art or lived in Italy. “That’s incredible,” Nate said. “You’ve been busy.”

“I like to think so,” Sorcha said before taking a sip of her water. “You’ve been busy too, I hear.”

Nate smiled. “I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about my being a hockey player.”

“I said if you boasted about being an NHL player I’d leave, but you haven’t done that,” she clarified. “Besides, I’m asking you. Despite hearing about you on the news every night, I’d like to hear about it directly from the source.”

So Nate told her. He told her all about living in Colorado; how at the beginning his parents and sister would visit a lot, and he lived with a teammate who Sid once played with who essentially watched over him and made sure he didn’t get into trouble – not that Nate would. He told her about the highs and lows of hockey, his gradual improvement, his almost constant training, and his hunger for more – how he was never satisfied. He told her about finding his own place, moving out on his own in a penthouse downtown and enjoying Denver as a city. The whole time, they slurped oysters and refilled each other’s water. Nate was surprised Sorcha was listening so intently. Sorcha was, too.

“Oh, and my dog, of course,” Nate added, not believing he forget to mention him.

“You mean your parents’ goldens? If I’m over my parents’ house I see them walking them sometimes.”

“No no, I got my own dog. He comes back and forth with me,” Nate explained. “Cox. He’s seven. He’s a German shepherd.”

Sorcha had been bringing an oyster towards her mouth but stopped when he told her. She laid down her arm and almost laughed. “You’re kidding.”

“No. Why?”

She tried to hide her smile. Like, really tried to hold her smile. “I have a German shepherd too.”

Nate’s mouth dropped open before he smiled. “No way.”

“Mhm,” she nodded her head. “Juno. She’s three.”

They spent the rest of lunch sharing pictures of their dogs and talking about all the weird and hilarious stuff they did. Another platter of oysters was ordered as Sorcha told Nate about how she had to hire a dog walker for the day while she was at work, even though she took Juno on walks at night, too. The waiter brought another pitcher of water as Nate told her how he had to put Cox in a special, high-end boarding kennel when he was on the road because Cox was a protection-trained shepherd who only knew German commands (Sorcha couldn’t stop laughing at the thought of Nate speaking German for his dog). Nate, for his part, couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe they both had German shepherds. What a coincidence.

When they were full from oysters, Nate handled the cheque. Sorcha thanked him, obviously offering to pay half, but Nate wasn’t having it. When they stood up and made their way out, Nate made the executive decision to walk her back to work, knowing it wasn’t that far. Even if it only took ninety seconds, Nate wanted to take the time. He wanted to spend the extra time with Sorcha.

But…why?

Why did he want to spend that extra time? Was an hour not enough? He was finding himself drawn to her much more than he was willing to admit to himself; much more than he thought.

When they approached the doors to the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia, Sorcha turned towards him slowly, smiling. “Thanks for lunch, Nate,” she said softly. “I had a lot of fun, surprisingly.”

“Yeah, no problem. Any time,” he nodded. “Thanks for joining me.”

Sorcha hesitated again, biting her bottom lip before speaking again. “If I don’t hear from you again, I—it was nice to see you, and I hope you know you make Cole Harbour proud. Everyone’s rooting for you.”

Nate appreciated the sentiment, but he was taken aback by the first half of the sentence more than anything. “What makes you think I don’t want to see you again?” he asked.

Sorcha stared at him. It took everything within her not to scoff at him. “Come on, Nate.”

“What? Come on, Sorcha,” he mimicked her. “Can I see you again? Maybe on the weekend or something?”

Sorcha kept staring at him. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I’ll think about it,” she said, stepping up.

“Sorcha.”

“Have a great rest of the day, Nate,” were her last words to him before escaping inside the art gallery.

Nate stood outside the door waiting, as if she would come back, as if she’d run back and say yes and they’d make plans for the weekend. But it was Sorcha, and of course she didn’t. So instead, Nate sighed, but his hands in his pockets, and walked back to where he parked his car.

***

“Sit,” Sorcha commanded, cupping her hand as a visual like her dog trainer taught her many moons ago. Juno sat obediently, staring up at her owner with her big eyes. “Wait,” Sorcha put two fingers up, watching Juno as she set her food bowl down in its holder. Sorcha waited five seconds, her fingers still up. Juno waited patiently for her released word. “Okay!” Sorcha said, watching Juno get up and walk over to her food. “What a good girl you are, Juno,” Sorcha cooed, scratching behind her ears as Juno began to eat her kibble, one by one – an oddity she mentioned to Nate earlier that day at lunch.

As Sorcha heard the crunch of the kibble, she rinsed the dishes in her sink and put them in the dishwasher. Tonight she’d have to choose what she wanted to watch while she cuddled with Juno on the couch – it would either be Normal People (for the billionth time), or perhaps Selling Sunset for some mindless entertainment. Just as she closed her dishwasher, the notification of a work email coming through filled her apartment.

If it was her boss Janet, she was going to go insane.

When she picked up her phone to see the notification, it was most definitely not Janet.

From: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] To: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] Subject: Lunch

i had a really great time at lunch. thanks for coming out. let’s do it again except make it dinner. friday or saturday?

Sorcha couldn’t believe what she was reading. The man really was relentless. Not in a creepy or overbearing way, of course, but relentless nonetheless.

From: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] To: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] Subject: RE: Lunch

Nate, I had a really great time today at lunch too. I appreciate you taking me out. I don’t think having dinner together is a great idea.

Have fun being back home.

Short, sweet, and to the point. That would settle it, surely?

From: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] To: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: Lunch

i don’t understand why you’re saying no. i thought we had a great conversation and good time. we can talk and catch up some more.

From: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] To: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

I’m not exactly the type of person to be seen out to dinner with Nathan MacKinnon.

From: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] To: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

what’s that supposed to mean? if you’re worried about anything, i promise nobody will bother us. PROMISE.

From: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] To: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

In Halifax? Fat chance.

From: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] To: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

i promise you. if it happens you never have to speak to me again.

what do u mean you’re not the type of person to be seen out with me? i don’t think that’s true at all. and i don’t know if you’re calling me out on that or calling out yourself. either way, don’t. i’m not the same guy i was in high school. i think u saw that today and lunch. neither are u. all that line of thinking does it make it seem like i’m too good for people when that’s the last thing in the world i want. outside of hockey i’m just Nate. i think u would appreciate that more than anyone.

Sorcha was biting on her lip so hard she swore she was going to draw blood.

From: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] To: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

Where are we going?

From: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] To: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

:)

i’ll let u know. but let’s say friday @ 7

oh and btw, if u get one ur artsy friends to pretend to recognize me so u never have to speak to me again, i’ll know the difference.

From: Sorcha Saint-Coeur [[email protected]] To: Nathan MacKinnon [[email protected]] Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Lunch

You’ve foiled my plan already, Nathan MacKinnon.

Sorcha couldn’t believe what she had just agreed to. Never in a million years did she think she’d run into Nathan MacKinnon and end up going to lunch and dinner with him. If someone told her teenage self this fact, she would have laughed in their face. Yet here she was.

Juno came around the corner, the sound of her paws on the hardwood floor the indicator. She walked over to Sorcha and stood by her side, looking up at her. Sorcha looked down. “What am I doing, Juno?” she asked.

Now more than ever, she wished Juno could talk.

#nathan mackinnon #nathan mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon fic #nathan mackinnon fan fic #colorado avalanche #colorado avalanche imagine #colorado avalanche fic #colorado avalanche fan fic #nathan mackinnon blurb #nate mackinnon #nate mackinnon imagine #nate mackinnon fic #nate mackinnon fan fic #nate mackinnon blurb #nhl #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl fan fic #nhl blurb #hockey #hockey imagine #hockey fic #hockey fan fic #hockey blurb #that which we are we are series

[hacash]

I'm nervous about Isaac reacting "badly" to Colin in the next ep. Not because I need unflawed characters, but weirdly kind of the opposite? A lot people are so "poor baby Colin never did anything wrong" already, and I'm afraid the second Isaac isn't perfect, fandom will lash out at him bc he hurt their precious white baby gay. Similar to the Nate dynamic, where they were both shitty to each other, but only Nate is treated as the villain, even though Nate apologized and Colin didn't AFAWK.

Yeah I do get where you’re coming from there. I noticed that even though they essentially had one or two crappy comments apiece, Isaac got described by some member of fandom as out-and-out ‘homophobic’ while Colin is more gently described as ‘influenced by/trying to fit in with a mysoginistic culture, though it’s deffo not his fault’. There’s a definite difference in approach. Much as Nate is obviously an incel, or a mysoginist, or a self-centred abuser, whereas Ted or Roy just make mistakes. The truth is everyone on this show is trying their best but also will sometimes fuck up, but there’s a definite tendency for fandom to judge characters of colour way more harshly than their white counterparts.

Anyway! Ultimately you can’t help people’s crappy worldviews, and writers/actors shouldn’t have to work around them either. I have no doubt that both Billy Harris and Kola Bokinni are going to knock it out of the park next week, I have no doubt that Isaac is going to fuck up a bit next week (much as Colin did this week), but I’m also certain that things are gonna come good in the end too. And it’s going to be great to watch. Hopefully fandom won’t spoil that too much for you!

#ted lasso #ted lasso speculation #isaac mcadoo