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penguin--rat · 15 days

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THE TERMINATION OF RT465-002 (dr ostrov belongs to @mayyak, ms schuhart belongs to @tarot-the-silly-one)

5.4. 19:30 This is my first time alone since the experiment started yesterday. I will keep this short.

Nobody seems ‘too disturbed’ yet. Only Dr. Ostrov left, but that was to be expected. Ms Schuhart is trying to stay professional. Unsure how long that will last. Neither of their participations are necessary, but if everyone who is to participate in this experiment quits, what then? Will I have to monitor it on my own? I’d handle it, but I would rather my colleagues grow a spine than for it to come to that.

Half of the subject’s heart + brain have been removed.

6.4. 23:10 Busy day. No time to write an entry. Dr. Ostrov still isn’t here. Ms Schuhart is still working with me. Considering requesting somebody to replace Dr. Ostrov if he doesn’t come in tomorrow.

7.4. 13:50 I have time to write my thoughts now. Dr. Ostrov did not come in yesterday, and I’m beginning to doubt he will come in today. Despite what I wrote yesterday, I don’t want to take an opportunity like this away from him. If he doesn’t come in today, a phone call would be appropriate – if not out of personal interest, then out of professional interest. Maybe a text message would be better than a phone call.

Ms Schuhart is currently working on a separate project. I believe she will return. Despite our differing views, I’d dislike for her to resign from this project. Should I thank her? No, that would hint to– Maybe “I know this is not easy for you. I appreciate your cooperation.” Would that be appropriate?

8.4. 10:15 My schedule is tight today. About ¾ of the heart was removed, as well as another half of the brain. I sent Dr. Ostrov a message, and found out he will not be participating in this any further. I’ll request somebody to replace him. Ms Schuhart is still working.

9.4. 17:50 I’ll take a break at the end of this week (12.4.). Not too long. Or – not a week. 8 days. The 7 days mark is important, and there might be development to observe, decisions to be made. Instead, I will – Tomorrow will be– I’ll take a break at the end of this week (12.4.). Not too long. Or – not a week. 8 days. The 7 days mark is important, and there might be development to observe, decisions to be made. Instead, I will – Tomorrow will be–

A break would help my productivity, but leaving for too long is unacceptable. What qualifies as ‘too long’? From my experience it varies. It’s natural for my colleagues to get caught up in work, but would it be weird to get caught up with this? Would they think so… Mm. I’ll ask Viktor about this.

10. 4. 18:30 Found a replacement for Dr. Ostrov. Ms Schuhart is missing today. I was not aware she held a fondness for RT465, and was under the assumption she disliked the subject, but I am not surprised. Sentimental ones like her always give out.

Perhaps somebody else from another department would be a better fit for this experiment? Somebody that didn’t know the subject – but would I be forced to quit this experiment then, as its primary handler? I don’t want my “worry over Dr. Ostrov and Ms Schuhart” to be mistaken as grief. If the latter desires, she can resign from this experiment herself, no? But as the one leading this experiment, it is my duty to do something about this.

I will stop writing down the time unless it is important, too (waste of time).

11.4. I suspect Petro Volkov would have been capable of participating/monitoring this experiment. Though he was a difficult man, he wasn’t bothered by ‘morals and ethics’. It pains me to flatter him, and it only pains me further to wish he were here.

Removed ¾ of the heart and ⅓ of the brain. + Ms Schuhart is back.

12.4. The subject’s ‘heart’ (a red clump) is thrashing, not really beating, but there is still a pulse. RT465 could have been our greatest work, had it not been– as it was. Had it been better. It’s a shame, even I can see that. Ms Schuhart + the other one are working as instructed.

13.4. An intern joined us today, but I sent it away before he could contaminate the project (vomit). Terrible. I worry that I underestimated the ‘cruelty’ of this experiment, and am ‘under-reacting’... Though I heard that that’s a natural grief response, too, I don’t want to be mistakenly accused of ‘grieving’ the subject–

I have not yet taken my break!! But I was right not to leave my coworkers (the intern) today, had he thrown up in the subject’s chest. But, when should I go? 3 weeks would be most practical. Any errors should become clear before then. Around the 25th? But that’s near the end of the month– the 20th? But that’s too soon…

14.4. My colleagues are working as instructed. Dr. Ostrov hasn’t returned to work at all since he left. Visiting him would be bad for my productivity. I’ll send him another message. That’s the right thing to do, I believe.

The experiment has been going on for 10 days. I’m happy :) Removed ⅓ of both heart + brain. Sometimes I think I see it twitching/seizing? Administer more anesthetic/Possibility the subject isn’t getting enough nutrition to heal properly.

15. 4. Busy day. Working on other experiments + this. Colleagues working as instructed.

16. 4. Busy day. Colleagues are working as instructed. Checked schedule. I was right, we’ll be understaffed at the end of the month. Break in may?

17. 4. The replacement for Dr. Ostrov resigned. I’m once again thankful for Ms Schuhart’s cooperation. However I’ve been thinking about having her off the experiment. It’s clear she doesn’t approve of this. Her disapproval could have a negative effect on the experiment, ex. She could refuse to work one day. And I don’t want to ‘owe’ her.

Her resigning by herself would be– worse. Three people resigning from the same experiment… bad!!! Don’t want this cut short. I could work on the experiment with only one assistant – I will request this. Unsure how to get Ms Schuhart off the project in a normal way. Removed ⅔ of the heart and ⅓ of the brain.

18. 4. Busy day. Ms Schuhart is working as instructed. No progress with my goal yet. Looking at HR rules and regulations. 2 weeks since this began. Considering removing another organ fully, ex. lung.

19. 4. Working on getting Ms Schuhart off the experiment. Only 2 people working on this would help me make the most of the budget, too…

RT465’s hair is growing long again. Why didn’t I fully shave it before this started? Cut the subject’s hair. It’s already growing again. Hate that, I have to clean it all up now. Some of the stray strands are sticking to its face – it's sweating. I’ll wash it off. So much to do, ugh.

Not much to share today.

20. 4. Effectively removed Ms Schuhart from the project. Her replacement hasn’t come in yet, so I’m alone today. I’d keep it like this but I need somebody watching over the subject when I’m sleeping, wake/call me in case of an emergency, etc. I’ll sleep here tonight.

DON’T FORGET: ⅓ of the heart, ⅔ of the brain, and an organ of my choice

21. 4. Busy day. The replacement is here, I have to teach him the ropes. He’s fine. Rude, but does his job as instructed. I shouldn’t have to remove him from the project. Unless he throws up. Blegh.

RT465 is having trouble. I’ll sleep here again tonight.

22. 4. The replacement is doing well. The subject is struggling more since its left lung was removed. I’m trying to believe in its ability to pull through, but it’s let me down so many times before...

Though it wasn’t a complete failure, it didn’t meet its full potential, either. It was trying, its last week alive, to prove itself. I’m thankful - had it not, this experiment couldn’t have taken place. There’s not much I can do to guarantee its survival. More anesthetic, maybe.

23. 4. Forgot to put in a request for a day off. Will do so tomorrow. The heart has fully regrown, the lung and brain are still missing pieces. My assistant wants to remove half of it again, or ‘at least a quarter’, but I want to wait until – what? Until it has a better chance of survival? This is its termination. ‘Survival’ is not the goal.

Removed half of the heart.

24. 4. I know that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t feel guilty over the termination of a faulty subject. If anything, I feel – relieved? That I was the one the subject latched onto. God forbid it was Temnova in my place. It’d have been terminated long before now had that been the case.

My assistant is acting strangely. Considering giving him a raise. Removed half of the brain. The lung is still growing. 2 more days until it's finished, at most.

25. 4. Busy day. Removed ½ of the lung, ¼ of brain and heart.

26. 4. Dr. Ostrov still hasn’t come into work. That reminds me I forgot to request time off. Not to mention that I’ve been sleeping here since the 20th, so almost a week. Not good for my back! I should go home soon, but we’re understaffed these days… I’ll take a week off after the experiment ends. That should be fine. Shows that going days without sleep + sleeping in a chair + ‘overworking’ myself have consequences on my human body + won’t have to worry about when to take a break from now on.

27. 4. That man won’t be getting a raise as he is a spineless coward that quit when we’re understaffed! Not just the experiment, but the job completely, leaving me alone in this. Like I’ve said many times I can handle it, but it’s unprofessional.

I’ll have to request another assistant now, but there’s no telling when they’ll come here/who they’ll be. Hate this. Hate him. Not even a month and it’s all falling apart. Even RT465 deserves a better termination than this! I shouldn’t have gotten Ms Schuhart off the project. Can’t ask her to come back now, though.

Won’t remove anything today. I won’t be able to write down detailed entries for the next few days for obvious reasons.

28. 4. Busy day. Removed ¾ of the heart.

29. 4. Busy day.

30. 4. Busy day. Still can’t believe my ‘assistant’ quit. Spineless. Coward. Removed ¼ of the heart (half of the heart is intact), ½ of the brain, and ¼ of both lungs.

1.5. Busy day. The replacement should have been here today, but she’s not. Should have time tomorrow. It’s been almost a month since this experiment began. I was supposed to have a ‘break in may’, but I’m not complaining. I’m happy to have an opportunity to study the subject on my own without outside interference. I’m only upset with that ‘assistant’ for leaving me. No regard for anybody but himself.

2. 5. Busy day. The replacement is still not here. Not removing anything today.

22:30 The replacement was here for an hour before leaving. I reprimanded her and insinuated that if she resigns from the experiment I will do everything in my power to fire her from the institute – which isn’t within my power, but she doesn’t know that. We removed ½ of the brain, ¼ of the brain, and I will, on my own, remove the subject’s right kidney.

3. 5. Happy to report my new assistant came in on time today, and that at least one person other than me knows how to do her job. She’s not rude like the last one either. This one should get a raise. Can’t lose her – can’t scare her away, either. Cut the subject’s hair today.

4. 5. Busy day. It’s been a month since the start of the experiment. The subject isn’t struggling as much anymore. Despite it all, I’m happy with its development. This milestone, a month, is the most crucial one; I can be stricter now! It’s survived this long, why not take out both of its lungs? Both kidneys, its liver?

Thank you, RT465. Back to work now.

5. 5. Busy day. Removed ¼ of both the heart and the brain, the right kidney, and ½ of the left kidney. My back hurts… Should sleep in a bed soon.

6. 5. Busy day. My request to give my assistant a raise for this experiment was approved.

7. 5. I’m glad this is the assistant that I received. She doesn’t speak wastefully, does what she’s told, and hasn’t complained about the conditions we’ve been given. I couldn’t have received a better one. After this experiment is over, I must express my gratitude. Maybe I could argue for a permanent raise for her? It’s not my department, but I can at least put in a good word for her.

Can’t forget to give her a break!! She can’t burn out. Next weekend, maybe, today is Sunday and she’s only been here a few days– god, no. She shouldn’t need a break – this is her job. She’ll get a day off when she asks for it.

8. 5. Busy day. So many of those these days. It’s better than no work, though. Removed ½ of heart + brain + liver.

9. 5. Learned that my assistant has every Friday off. Do I have an ‘every (x day) off’? I’ll have to check. Nothing else has happened today. My assistant doesn’t look too disturbed? Which is good. I hope I don’t come across as … ungrateful? Belittling? Words are beyond me right now. She’ll be here for a few hours, so I’ll take a nap.

10. 5. Busy day. I don’t like the look of things.

11. 5. Busy day. Removed the heart fully + ¼ of the brain.

12. 5. Busy day. The red clump has come back. It’s not that ugly, really, if you look at it from another angle.

13. 5. Busy day. My assistant is gone today. Won’t remove anything for her sake + the heart isn’t fully regrown. Things are looking worse.

14. 5. My fears that the experiment will be cut short aren’t unfounded anymore. The funding for this has been halved – as a penalty for so many people resigning, I guess.

If I have to work unpaid for this to continue, so be it, but my assistant surely wouldn’t do the same. This means nothing to her, but to me– I have to find a way around this. Even if she agreed to work without pay, the expenses of the experiment, the anesthetic we use to keep the subject unconscious– we’d run out of resources eventually.

This can’t end so soon. I was given no warning, how was I supposed to know? I never ask for anything, only this, for this experiment, and they cut it off! They’re trying to get me to resign from the experiment, I’m sure of it. Why? I’m only doing what needs to be done. I gave her a purpose! RT465 would be nothing if not for this experiment. She’d thank me if she could speak right now.

I gave this place my whole life. That couldn’t have been a mistake. I can still turn this around, I just need time. Can’t waste it writing nonsense – back to work. + Removed ¾ of the heart and brain, the liver and the right kidney.

15. 5. Busy day. I’m gathering the results of this experiment up in a ‘neat pile’ to present to my superiors. If they see what’s come of this, they’ll let it continue. They’ll see that this isn’t for nothing.

16. 5. Busy day. There’s going to be a lot of those from now on. I’m going to sleep here full time from now on, too. I have to give this everything I’ve got. Removed the brain fully.

17. 5. Busy day.

18. 5. Busy day. Removed the liver.

18. 5. Busy day. I hope I don’t have to take my assistant’s raise away. She really does deserve it. If only she had been here with me from the start… Removed ½ of the heart. RT465 is struggling, but it’ll have to manage if it wants to be of any help.

19. 5. Busy day. My assistant’s day off is tomorrow.

20. 5. My superiors are arguing that all that I’ve learned from this experiment could have been deduced from previous experiments; They don’t know shit. They’re not here. They haven’t seen that red clump in RT465’s chest, the cluster of fat, water, salts, and carbohydrates in its skull – they haven’t even looked at the photos I took for them! “Could have been deduced from previous experiments,” They’re not the ones getting their hands dirty. They haven’t stepped foot in this room, haven’t slept in it, haven’t done anything other than whine about the budget. They should be ashamed to call themselves employees of the institute. “Could have been deduced,” but we never would have known for certain. I’m doing us a favor.

Removed the brain and ¾ of the heart.

21. 5. Busy day. The assistant isn’t here today.

22. 5. My assistant is back, but it’s still a busy day. I’m tired. I've been sleeping only 3 hours a day at most, and only 20 minutes at one time. I’m looking forward to my week off after the experiment ends.

23. 5. Busy day. Removed the brain, ½ of the heart, the left lung, and ½ of the right lung. 24. 5. Busy day. I have to take away my assistant’s raise… I can tell she disapproves, as she’s been slacking off today. It’s fine as long as she doesn’t quit.

25. 5. Busy day.

26. 5. Busy day. My assistant’s day off is tomorrow. She was missing today, too. Didn’t even call in. Terrible work ethic. She’s just like my previous assistant, leaving me in my time of need, abandoning the institute… Can’t write more, work calls. Removed the heart. 27. 5. I’m not getting more funding. I’d have gotten it already were my superiors planning to listen to reason… but here I am, with a subject that refuses to die, with no way to kill it.

I should have known it’d end up like this. Like a fool, I was hoping for this experiment to last at least 4 months, but I took things too slow. Took too much time with things. Work comes first, pleasure second. I was stupid to mix the two…

When was the last time I enjoyed something? It’d be– Ostrov is nice, but he’ll leave eventually. He’ll realize our morals don’t align, and like the good man he is, he’ll leave me for somebody that’s better fit for him. Or I’ll take him down with me. Either way, we won’t last… I like game nights with Viktor, too, I suppose. Even if he is an insufferable winner. I enjoy these experiments too, but outside of work, what else? Is that all my life is? Two relationships that won’t last and work?

There must be something else. I must be missing something. This can’t be all that my life is.

Removed the brain.

28. 5. My assistant isn’t here again, but at least she called in to tell me she’s resigning from the experiment. I don’t know what I expected. At least now any doubt that this experiment is over has vanished. I don’t know how I should feel. Angry? Sad? Guilty? Relief, maybe? I don’t know. I put so much into this, only for it to come crashing down. Not even two months, and yet… There’s no reason to write these entries now. I started this journal because I wanted to keep track of Dr. Ostrov’s and Ms Schuhart’s reactions, for future reference, but now that I’m the only one here, there’s no reason to hide my apathy. Not like I was doing a good job at that, anyway.

I don’t know what I’ll do now. I can squeeze out another week from this experiment, but what would be the point? RT465 is – nothing. She can’t give me anything she hasn’t already. The only thing that I could do now is–

One last attempt. If she survives this, I’ll definitely get more funding for the experiment. If she doesn’t, then she’ll be successfully terminated, and I’ll have done my job right. It’ll be over either way. The point of this whole thing was to push her limits, anyway, so it’s not like I’m acting out of order.

If I get more funding, I’ll continue writing here. If I don’t – I’ll never look at this journal again. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll survive this. Even if it takes her a week, a month, a year to grow back together, I know she will. Whether my superiors allow her to survive is out of my hands. I’ve done nothing wrong.

Removed all of RT465’s organs.

#gabriela kozlova #nastyart #oc art #original character #fanfic #writing #original writing #pafl oc #AHHH IM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY SHARE THIS!!! i hope u guys like it :3

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