#nasty bronchitis that ending up putting me in the hospital | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crystalinn · 4 years

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I haven’t posted about this here yet, but boy howdy has my life been A Mess™️ of late.

TW: medical talk, high stress situations, mentions of blood under the cut

This is a very long post, so a mild TL;DR: ma’s sick and this is me for eternity now (loud noises in video):

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Picture it. November 10th (ish. Time is hard.). The motherbeast came down with a case of viral bronchitis. She got a few days off work to recover.

A couple days pass. She went back to work. Her manager sent her in the cooler for two hours.

An immediate downturn ft. a fall out of bed that took 45 minutes to fix, heavy panting, confusion, the whole lot. She went to the Express ER. They said “oh hey, your viral bronchitis has become full blown pneumonia. You’re goin’ to the Real Hospital™️ for two days. See if you respond well.” Turns out, she did, at first.

About a week or two of what seemed like solid improvement all came crashing back down when her return to work arrived. She went back to work... or tried to. She went to step onto the curb and gravity said no. She faceplanted the pavement, and the ambulance was called. A thorough concussion check later, and her manager drove her and her truck home. The next day, she went back to the Express ER, and they said “oh shit, your lung xray is worse than last time. Back to the Hospital for you.”

That stay was nine days long. She was tested for tuberculosis (which came back negative, thankfully), and had a PICC line installed. During said stay, she did get rather confused and agitated, as it was near the end of the month and the rent needed paid. She called me in the middle of the night, asking me to move her IV... despite me being at home. So that was a thing.

After she came home on the 4th of this month (December), I had to start administering her PICC line antibiotics, every 8 hours. Did y’all know that cefepime (a bigboi antibiotic) smells like someone doing unholy things to eggs? Sulfuric smelling bullshit, that. Had some hiccups there, what with massive air bubbles in the line and getting the infusion orb stuck on the line. We were supposed to be done the 25th. Then she went to her new primary care doctor, and it was extended to the 6th of January, which h.

Anyway, fast forward to the 23rd. Mum was out with a pal, getting some groceries, and some Miralax ‘cause... y’know, and she fell on her ass. At this point, falling down is like a glowing neon red flag. She came home, was a bit wobbly, but was generally okay. Her primary care doctor called after the home health nurses stole some blood to tell her that her potassium levels are critical. A friend/my ‘adopted’ brotherbeast, Frank, brought her a fuckton of bananas that night.

Now this is where it gets real fuckin’ spicy. The morning of the 24th, after we get done with the 7am orb, I gave her a dose of Miralax. She was fine, until the 3pm orb, when severe gut cramps showed up. Those lasted until about midnight when things... moved along. After that, shit went downhill fast. I put her to bed after orb times at 11 pm, and she kept waking up. As time went on, she got more and more confused. Like, she knew general things, in a kinda slow way, but she could not follow directions. On the morning of the 25th (fucking Christmas.), things had reached its boiling point. She was very confused, unable to focus, slurring words. I rang up a friend, Sandy (who has been a massive help this whole time of Fuckery), to get her to the ER. This triggered a complete meltdown. It took both of us to get her out of her chair, not to mention the sudden burst of confused crying and begging not to go.

We finally managed to get her there, and the ER’s like “yo this looks like a stroke, so we’re gonna keep her, do an MRI or three, and get back to you.” Turns out she was very dehydrated, currently has a UTI, and is still a bit... shall we say, fucked up. But, the MRI came out clean, but there was some issue with the PICC with like, a blood clot, but they cleaned it out, so they let her go on the 26th.

But just wait for it... I put her to bed pretty much as soon as she got home, ‘cause she doesn’t sleep in the hospital. Makes sense, right? I went to check on her at about 8, and she was unable to really comply with requests/commands/questions. I’d ask “what’s your name?”, I’d get her name (most of the time), but when I’d ask “when’s your birthday?”, I’d get her name again. Or the fact she lost her PICC line cap, and I’d ask her to hold the newly sterilized port so it wouldn’t touch anything, she’d say okay, take it, and immediately drop it. Repeatedly.

I broke down whilst on the phone with my dad because everything has been too much of late, and eventually put her back to bed to wait for the 11pm orb.

11pm rolled around... and well. I couldn’t get her to wake up. She’d react to me poking and prodding her by making noise and moving away, but she would not wake up. Not properly. So, I called the on call home health nurse to see if she could help, and she pretty much told me to just call an ambulance. Not wanting the expense because I live in Hell the US, I called my dad. He helped me try to wake her up over the phone, but she flat refused. I was left with no choice. So, I called the ambulance, and just before they knocked on the door, she sat up like “huh?” but extra confused. She almost didn’t go to the hospital because she said “nah, I don’t want to go” but one of the EMTs was like “nah, you gotta go.”

So, she spent about 8 hours in the ER, and they told me that they can’t keep her since she was mostly lucid, but they did float an Idea (a skilled nursing facility, at least until she got her ducks in a row) to her that was immediately denied, but with some prodding from me, she finally agreed. So they moved her upstairs from the ER to keep her until they can find a facility in the Blue Cross/Blue Shield network that’s reasonably local. The one that came to visit yesterday turned out to not be, and I’m pretty sure the dude kicked it back to the Case Supervisor to see if they can find another. But, after they moved her into her room, she’s cleared up quite a bit.

She’s still a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, a bit unfocused, and can get caught out in the grapes mentally, but she has improved a lot.

Oh, and another thing she’s been doing is fighting me re: eating since the first go around. Bread’s a texture issue, rice is hard to eat without teeth, and everything else “smells bad” (which, since she’s quit smoking as of that second hospital stay... I understand, but you gotta sometimes push past that.) I did manage bananas though. Thank fuck for those.

But, back to the plot: today (the 28th) was a decent day. Much clearer, less starts and stops in her speech. A bit more focused. She didn’t manage to sleep last night, so she was kinda tired. Had another MRI, but we won’t know about that until probably tomorrow (the 29th). Maybe. Had some PICC issues, though. The nurse got the cefepime running just fine, then mum had to use the bathroom, and when she came out, the machine started screaming bloody murder. After that, the nurse came back and tried to flush the line, since the cefepime was unable to run, and when she took the syringe off, the saline shot right back out... which ain’t supposed to happen. Hit me, the nurse, mum, the bed... probably got the windows too. So they’re working on that, and hopefully they figure it out.

Had my own woes at the hospital today, too. The sole of my boot fell off, so my ride/friend/adopted sister?, Sandy, went to walmart and got me some Heavy Duty Superglue, which I got it about half way stuck before we had to leave... then when we were pulling into the parking lot at home, the nurse in charge called to ask some questions about the PICC, the antibiotic, how long it’d been there, how long she was supposed to be on it, the pharmacy’s number, all that. So I went to get out of the car, my coke bottle fell out of my pocket, started rolling under the car, and I overextended. Fell right on my knees. They are not happy. Took a hot minute to get my dumb ass off the ground, without hurting Sandy, who is like 5′2″ and v smol. I am 5′6″ and... decidedly not. Plus the bonus rain.

UPDATE 12/29/2019: the diverticulitis has made a reappearance. It’s like everything is just It’s free real estate.

UPDATE 12/31/2019: Around 2 am this morning, she managed to roll out of bed and whack her head pretty good on something. They did a CT scan, and it came out clean. No concussion. However, now she has a sitter/keeper/minder to make sure she doesn’t do it again. It’s a good thing the nurses heard her fall, ‘cause despite being armed, the bed alarm didn’t go off. I know of all of this, ‘cause the hospital called me at 3 this morning, and boy howdy that’s a gut drop, let me tell you. But, better a CT ride and a bump on her noggin vs. the alternative. Sure is one thing after a-fucking-nother, ain’t it though.

UPDATE 1/1/2020: 2019 keep your problems challenge: she's had a major mental shift again, and now she's really groggy, really confused... So the hospital moved her to the ICU and called me for consent on a spinal tap, just to make sure they're not missing anything. Other than that, they've done x-rays and another CT, I think to check her spine, hips, the one leg she's been having issues with. The doctors also think that it may be the cefepime causing this altered mental state, and after doing some digging, boy howdy I sure believe it. Cephalosporins are some nasty fuckers.

So! That’s been my month and a half! I’d like to take a break now, please!

EDIT: Further updates found here.

#medical tw //#high stress situations tw //#mentions of blood //#honestly this is more of a log for me in a more concrete area than discord #but if anyone's interested in the Fuckening that is my life rn #have at it

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lifesobeautiful · 5 years

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12 Surprising Uses for Vicks VapoRub

There are two scents that remind me of being a sick kid: brandy and Vicks VapoRub.

Whenever I had a cold, those were my mom’s go-to remedies. She would make me a glass of hot water, honey, and brandy and then rub Vicks on my chest. I always felt instantly better (and slightly tipsy).

Vicks is an age-old mentholated topical cream intended to relieve head, throat, and chest stuffiness. It uses menthol to elicit a response from receptors in the nose and chest, making it effective for children with colds or chronic bronchitis. It has been around for over one hundred years and it’s one of the most widely used over-the-counter decongestants.

Lately, there’s been a lot of buzz about unique and unconventional ways to use this odoriferous ointment. You’ll be surprised to learn that Vicks VapoRub is a supposed treatment for so much more than just a congested chest.

Decongest Your Chest

The most common use of Vicks is to decongest your chest and throat area. When applied to the upper chest, it provides excellent relief of congestion symptoms.

For Your Cough

Applying Vicks to your feet provides nighttime cough relief. Generously rub VapoRub all over your feet and cover them with socks. Within moments, your cough will subside and in the morning, you’ll wake up a new, hacking free woman.

Achy Muscles

Vicks relieves sore, overworked muscles. It increases circulation and provides almost instant aid. Use a generous portion and apply it all over the aching area. Just be sure to warn your bed-mate.

Get Rid of Nasty Nail Fungus

Rub VapoRub on your toenails if you suspect you have a fungus infection. Within days, the nail will turn dark which means that the Vicks is killing the fungus. As your toenail grows out, the dark part will grow off and you will have fungus-free feet. Keep applying the ointment over a period of two weeks to fully cleanse nail beds of any remaining bacteria.

Stop Your Cat from Scratching

Cats are notorious for scratching every hard surface they get their claws on. To prevent Miss Kitty from ruining your doors, walls, and windows, apply a small amount of VapoRub to these areas. Cats detest the smell and will steer clear. Vicks can also be applied to your arms and legs if your kitty is prone to scratching you.

Pet Pee-Pee Deterrent

If your dog or cat is not yet potty trained, put an open bottle of Vicks on the area he or she likes to mark as their territory. The smell will discourage them from lifting their legs and wetting your rug.

Headaches

Rub a small amount of Vicks VapoRub on your temples and forehead to help relieve headaches. The mentholated scent will release pressure in your head and instantly relieve pain.

Humidify Your Sleep

Vicks VapoRub can be used in special types of humidifiers and vaporizers. Ensure your humidifier has an aromatherapy compartment before using. The humidifier will circulate Vicks throughout the air and keep you breathing easy all night long.

Paper Cuts and Splinters

To prevent infection and speed up healing time, dab a small amount of Vicks on any small cut or splinter.

Ticks and Bugs

If you get bitten by a tick, apply Vicks immediately. The strong odor might help get the critter to release itself and stop bugging you.

Reek-free Racehorses

Professional racers smother VapoRub under the nostrils of racehorses on race day. The strong stench deters the stallions from the alluring odor of the female pony and keeps them focused on the race.

Mosquitoes

Vicks wards off mosquitoes. Apply small dabs of Vicks VapoRub to your skin and clothes and mosquitoes will steer clear. If you do get bitten, apply Vicks to the area and cover it with a Band-Aid to relieve itching.

A Word of Caution

According to WebMD, there have been a few complications in children when Vicks is used inappropriately. A few children reacted negatively and ended up hospitalized when Vicks was applied directly under the nose. Though this is extremely rare and only happens to those who are sensitive to Vicks, consumers should use caution when applying it to the face or on young children.

Even though its strong stench may cost me a few friendships, I am definitely heading to the nearest drugstore to stock up on this little blue smelly bottle. After all, I never know the next time I’ll have a headache, or am heading to the racetrack.

Written by DivineCaroline, a place where people come together to learn from experts in the fields of health, spending, and parenting. Come discover, read, learn, laugh, and connect at DivineCaroline.com.

The post 12 Surprising Uses for Vicks VapoRub appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

This article was first shared from Dumb Little Man

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bitchi-chan · 7 years

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before you fall

title: before you fall rating: teen and above audiences fandom: haikyuu!! pairing: kageyama tobio/hinata shouyo

You walk past the city rather briskly, hands swaying with the autumn breeze. You bump into faces you do not recognize and mutter an inaudible remark of apology. They don’t seem to care, Kageyama, they never do. Because just like you, they have places to go. And time was never in any one’s hands, so you walk, and walk, and eventually run until the wind was blasting against your face.

You enter the building and this bouncy feeling greets you, along with the white walls and people dressed in uniforms with the same color. It makes you dizzy somehow, but your feet start to move without you realizing it.

Then you were there. Room 136, second floor. And you enter almost immediately. You run a hand through your black, unkept hair and breathe deeply.

There he was, sitting majestically on the bed with his orange hair going in directions. The same old hospital gown draped over his body making him look small. His body has become thinner and frail hands flipped through the pages of a volleyball magazine. But when he saw you, ah, Kageyama, you’d wonder over and over again until your brain short-circuits that “god, what did he do to deserve this.” His smile was wide and bright when he saw you, and his eyes shone with some light of hope or whatever. You don’t know, all you know was that the room had lighten up when he lightened up.

“Hey Kageyama!” His voice was hoarse, but still carried the same chime when he was still up and about, healthy and not bedridden by a lung disease you can’t pronounce.

Hinata Shouyou was dying, Kageyama, and you, you’re trying your best not to fall apart.

It was unexpected that his life would have to be cut short. It shocked everyone, it shocked you the most. You trembled, too, when Hinata was shaking and coughed maniacally during practice. You all thought that it was the weather getting to him, but you did not expect blood to spill from his mouth and him fainting from lack of oxygen.

You rushed him to the hospital, along with the team, and you prayed to a god you don’t believe in: let him be okay. It was like a mantra, and you couldn’t have thought of a better prayer because your head was filled with the image of the redhead.

Doctors couldn’t figure it out. Some said it was Bronchitis, others Tuberculosis, and perhaps Pneumonia. The rest claimed that it was an unknown virus. You restrained yourself from shouting at the doctors and nurses because Hinata’s family was there, and it would have been worse if you had thrown a fit right there. So you shut up, held it in and punched a wall behind the hospital after the consultation had ended.

Every time you would come to visit, you’d hear your heart beat out of your chest. He was always there, lighting up when visitors came to spend some time. But you were afraid - afraid that one day, he wouldn’t be there anymore, that one day he’s not healthy or sick and he had gone into the other wo-

“Well, don’t just stand there, idiot!” He cried out, a menacing grin written on his lips. Your thoughts were interrupted by his loud voice. You walk towards him, one hand in your pocket and the other grasping the bag of meat buns.

“I don’t want to be called an idiot by an idiot.”

You try your best to visit everyday, as long as time permits, you’d come to that room every single day. You’d talk about everything and anything under the sun, as long as he keeps talking. You’ll never know, your last conversation might be coming.

He started crying, though, when he recalled a time when everything was okay and he didn’t have to breathe problematically without a machine stuck to his nostrils. His sadness touched you, and you were inches apart from breaking down. But you held it in, because you have no right to break down. You were not dying like the redhead who deserved everything good in the world.

“I want to play volleyball with the team, swim at the beach with all of you, but most of all.” He sniffled, bringing his shaking hands to wipe off his tears. “I don’t want to see you with that pained expression, Kageyama.”

You felt a tear run down your cheek, but you quickly wiped it off and instead held Hinata in your arms. You cradled his cheek with your thumb and securely put an arm around his wait, his head resting against your neck. “Don’t do that to me.”

“Do what?”

“That - make me feel things.” He didn’t reply, he continued sobbing into your shoulder, and you breathed, breathed in his scent, savored it.

“Yamaaaaaa.” The redhead had his hand rested on his chin. His expression was that of a tabby cat, lazy and asking for attention.

“I want pork buns.”

“The store ran out of it, idiot, I told you that for the nth time already.”

“But-” Hinata rested his head against your shoulder, you suppressed a blush from creeping onto your face. “When someone’s dying, you have to give them everything they want, riiiiight?”

“Stop that, you’re not dying.”

“Mhm, now go get me pork buns.”

“No.” You looked at him questionably, and his lips had settled into a smirk. “Can I get you something else than pork buns?”

He shifted his position, sitting up properly. You looked at him and waited for an answer. It was just mere seconds when the redhead started to blush, his cheeks tainted red and his ears perked up. You wonder why the hell was he blushing furiously.

“What? Tell me what you want.”

“Ugh, no nevermind.”

“Spill it, I don’t do favors easily so now’s your chance.”

“But….” You click your tongue. Your patience was being tested, and you know damn well you’re not a patient person.

“Spit it out!”

“Okay!” He exclaimed, his cheeks were still flaming. “I want you to…. Give me a kiss.”

Oh.

A silence had settled upon you. Your heart rate got faster and you just want to swoop him by how adorable he looked. But you were frozen there, by shock and undeniable satisfaction.

And you leaned it and caught his lips with yours.

He tasted like grape vitamins and mint. His lips were chapped, though, but you couldn’t care less. He kissed back, Kageyama, and both of your faces were on fire.

Kageyama, did you know? That you loved him. You acknowledged those feelings, but you couldn’t tell him. You knew it was just a crucial time and just suddenly saying it would definitely confuse him. He won’t return your feelings, that’s what you always thought, you were a jerk to him.

But what if he loved you back? Would you spend the rest of your life regretting that you never acted on your feelings? Or would you spend it with hating yourself because you confessed to him when you know damn well he didn’t need that right now?

But time was ticking and life was short.

You decide not to tell him.

It’s for the best, that’s what you thought.

“Hey Kageyama.” It was several nights after you first kissed, but you never really admitted what you felt towards the redhead, neither did he.

“Yeah?”

“You wouldn’t forget me right?”

“What? Of course not.”

“That’s good to hear.” He smiled again.

“I wouldn’t forget even if I was dead.”

“Ew, necrophilia.”

“Now way in fucking hell, Hinata.”

He chuckles beautifully. His eyebags are getting darker and his cheekbones were getting more noticeable. You thought he was still beautiful though. Nonchalantly, you brush your fingers against his hair.

Then you caress his cheek, he melts into your touch. You fix your gaze unto his eyes, and he gazes back. You stare at each other for what it felt like forever, then you inch closer to his face, eyes still not straying.

His purple lips unfurl like a rose. You both lean in, and your lips are touching again, warmth enveloping around you.

Your heart beats against your ribcage as you deepen the kiss, biting his lower lip with your teeth. You hear him moan, making your skin crawl with excitement, the same anticipation moving along your thighs, pants getting tighter. You lick his lower lip, asking for entrance, asking for more, and he opens his mouth, letting your tongue slide in tomexplore his insides religiously. You snake your tongue against the roof of his mouth and he lets out this sexy moan that entices you to get deeper. His arms were latched against your neck, your hands on his cheek.

When you pull apart for air, your eyes meet and you both heat up, blood rushing to your face. But you stay there, his arms around your neck and yours against his cheeks, caressing his flesh with your thumbs.

“Shoyou, I…”

“Shh, Tobio.”

And you looked immaculate, clinging onto each other like that. And you prayed, and prayed and prayed that he would stay a little longer, or just lift his sickness permanently. You begged the stars to let you have him until you were gray and old.

At the funeral, you brought forget-me-nots, in contrast with the peonies and daffodils most people brought. You laid them down beautifully on his ebony-colored casket, the same shade as your hair. You didn’t shed a tear, even through the eulogies his friends and family spoke, even when you came up to the podium and delivered your speech, you did not let your eyes water.

You told everyone he was an idiot, clumsy and dense, and everyone tried their best to laugh through it, because it was true. But you continued, and told the crowd, the whole world that he was the first person to ever make you feel important, to make you feel loved. You told them that Hinata Shouyou was an incredible and spontaneous person who was easy to befriend but difficult to let go. And you told them, and yourself, to never forget this wonderful person, the ex-ace, your ex-partner and your perpetual love.

At the end of the funeral, Hinata’s mother gave you a letter sealed in a light orange envelope, you politely excuse yourself, went home and lay exhausted on your bed. Then you read the letter.

To: Kageyama Tobio

By time you read this, I would have gone now. But that’s okay! At least I’m not suffering from this nasty disease anymore. But, I would have preferred it if I’d stay alive and recover fully. Dreams are dreams, yeah?

It’s actually hard for me to say your name without me melting, it’s like my heart is all “gwaah!!!” and “woooh!!” when I do. But when you kissed me and held me in your arms the night we let our feelings burst, my heart felt light and I was able to say it. I never told you ‘i love you’ face-to-face and neither did you, but I felt it strongly with the way you look at me, and wished I could have said it to you, but I know I couldn’t especially during the time I was sick. You are the first person to ever make me feel like this and that just scares me, 'cause who would have thought that I would fall for my ultimate rival?

Tobio, I have loved you for what it felt like years. You have brought out the best in me, both inside and outside the court. Thank you for always keeping me company through my ups and downs during my confinement. I always felt you were tired from volleyball practices and school but you managed to squeeze me into your tight schedule. Whenever I’m sad, you always try to cheer me up (even if you suck at it) and you stood patiently with me even through my sickness, and with that, I am eternally grateful.

I would have loved it if I could stay a little longer and spend my days with the team, with my family, with you. But my time has come and we just need to accept it, right? I’ll watch you from over the clouds. I’ll protect everyone the best I can. So don’t do anything stupid and follow me - I am not even kidding. Promise me you’ll grow old until your arthritis is bad and your teeth can’t chew anymore. Hahaha! I’m kidding. But please, I want you to live a life without regrets. Live every day like it’s your last. Live it with passion, Tobio, even without me.

Kageyama Tobio, thank you for being my first and last love.

Yours forevermore, Hinata Shouyou

And you cried.

see more: http://archiveofourown.org/users/shsl_bitchi_chan/pseuds/shsl_bitchi_chan

#Haikyuu!#haikyu!!#haikyuu!!#kageyama tobio #hinata shoyo #kagehina

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newhologram · 7 years

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New’s Atlas Subluxation and chronic illness timeline

It’s in my nature at this point to document things and it’s smart to keep track of my healing post-procedure anyway, so I might as well make a timeline here and share the experience as usual :p

Feel free to ask any questions, it doesn’t bother me at all. We need to let patients be teachers too, I think.

So here is my atlas subluxation and chronic illness timeline with backstory leading up to the procedure before it gets super specific with dates. I will try to update this during my healing as much as I can to document changes. I’m putting lots of links to posts where I talk about things as well, but you can also go into these tags on my blog to find more information: #personal #atlas subluxation #fibromyalgia #chronic pain #chronic illness #invisible illness #narcolepsy #ulcerative colitis 1.16.17 Posted with info up until this day. 4.12.17 3 month update!

1989: Born December 29th at a 3 1/2 lbs. Taken out prematurely because there was a complication with the umbilical cord and I was no longer growing. I had to stay in an incubator for 11 days until I weighed enough to go home, which was 5 1/2 lbs. It’s unclear whether or not the subluxation was present after birth; it’s possibly that I could’ve been pulled out in a way that caused it, but we have the next event as a definite marker for when things started getting worse.

Summer of 1996, age 6: While playing with sister I accidentally fractured my collar bone. I went up into the air, I remember seeing the ceiling coming closer, and then I fell straight down onto my back pretty hard. I cried and cried and said over and over again, “I broke something, I broke something” until they took me to the hospital. I vividly remember how I shook when they put me on the table to x-ray me. The doctor cheered me up by pointing out the gas in my chest. But basically they were like yep, there’s a fracture right there. And they sent me home with a sling. I remember that it had dinosaurs on it and it made me happy.

1996~2000, age 6 to 10: Always sick. Daily stomach aches, digestive issues leading to restrictive diet, nausea, back pain, bad posture, fatigue, insomnia, nightmares, sleepwalking, always cold, chronic bronchitis, hypersensitivity to stimulus like sound, light, color, taste, smell, temperature, and even experiences whether positive or negative, auditory processing disorder making it hard to understand what people said, problems with being “too excitable” and having intense reactions to rejection which was hard because I was constantly bullied and controlled by peers for being “weird” and “different”. I struggled in most subjects, but especially math, and I could never really handwrite properly, even to this day. School in general was just very hard because I never felt well and couldn’t keep up with others. Crying on the floor meltdowns whenever there are loud sports games or if a friend goes home early from a sleepover or if a parent gets mad at me (or I think they are). These meltdowns persisted into adulthood. I was always just called dramatic for them.

2001~2009, age 11 to 19: Middleschool and highschool were even harder. I struggled in most classes except for creative ones. Health problems persisted: first sleep paralysis with hallucations episode at age 12 or 13 and often had episodes after school that would eat up my early evening and wear me out mentally, still had problems with bronchitis, ovarian cyst caused me a lot of pain and missed classes, then I started having even worse digestive problems. By age 15 I had my first upper endoscopy and colonoscopy where they discovered ulcers in my esophagus, stomach, and intestines. Feelings of isolation, unable to feel like I could connect with people, noticeable depression, loneliness. First vomiting panic attack at age 17. At 19 did a homestay in Japan; an amazing experience but made difficult by vomiting, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety leaving the house and exploring by myself and freaking out when I got lost.

2010~2016, age 20-26: Health problems begin to worsen in early adulthood. Age 21: I’m vomiting a few times a week and having a ton of other problems, diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Sleep and fatigue problems making it hard to work at my retail job especially while I’m in college. Age 23: suddenly the sleep paralysis and insomnia are impossible to manage and I go several months with very little sleep, getting worse and worse, every day having looong hard sleep paralysis episodes that leave me with horrible headaches and slurring like I’m drunk. I still go to auditions and work jobs I book as best as I can but get a narcolepsy diagnosis after a long process of sleep study and being yanked around by insurance not letting me actually see the neurologist for my diagnosis. Depression is getting to the point where it almost paralyzes me but I do my best. Health problems cause fights with family. Age 24: not long after the narcolepsy diagnosis: the pain and fatigue become excessive and debilitating and I get the fibromyalgia diagnosis. Condition worsens and worsens, a bump forms on my upper spine that causes horrific pain and distress. 2014 I’m in the ER/urgent care 4 times because the pain makes it unable to rest or stop vomiting for days on end (the most being 6 days where I lost 12lbs). I go to an Ayurvedic healing center because the doctors were useless. There is some improvement but I still struggle, at least I had a lot of good coping tools to keep myself a live, if only barely at times. In bed most days in horrible pain and exhausted by simple things such as getting up to use the restroom. Depression is horrible and a cloud of suicidal urges hang over me for almost 2 years because I feel like a failure who is ruining my family’s happiness by being sick and I feel an intense hatred for myself. I try to work a very mellow part time job at a perfumery but the pain makes it too hard and I’m eventually let go. Age 25: Depression persists but I force myself to start doing background TV/film work on a weekly basis. Making money helps calm me but it’s incredibly difficult with my health problems and I often vomit on set from fatigue and pain. I start seeing a chiropractor to help alleviate the pain and depression. It helps but I have to see him twice a week at first, then once, then every other week, but during a flare up it’s back to once a week. I also start seeing an acupuncturist which helps with organ function and eases some symptoms but I still have to see her regularly and the expenses add up and cause more problems with my family since I’m barely able to afford them on my own. Age 26: I get a part time job in retail to help supplement me while I do background work. With the skills I learned I’m able to manage things but I still suffer a lot every day and don’t sleep well because of the pain. Later in the year I stop doing bg work and get an additional part time job. I had accepted long ago that I would be in pain for the rest of my life and that all these tiny minimum wage paychecks I worked so hard through agony for would just go straight into managing my symptoms. I accepted that by age 45 I might be bedridden but at least I was doing my best now in my 20′s and I needed to accept whatever time my body had on this planet and do my best to be a source of light for others going through the same thing.

Starting the week of the December 18th, 2016, I have a lot of work days in a row and I’m slammed with auditions. It’s getting colder and colder, my pain is higher, I don’t have much time to rest. By Christmas Eve I’m in bed all the day with only short sporadic moments up to pee or try to soothe the depression with an activity. It’s so bad I can barely last 20 minutes at times before I have to stumble back to bed green in the face and weak.

This flare up continued until Wednesday, January 11th, 2017. 25 days of high pain and fatigue levels and going a few weeks only able to eat yogurt and a few crackers with one or two proper meals a week if I can. Lots of throwing up, usually two nights in a row, maybe a little break, and then back to it, just horrible persistent deep nausea. This is why I got down to 103lbs. Oops.

So, here’s where the timeline of atlas subluxation discovery and treatment starts:

12.18.16 ~ 1.11.17: Flare up from hell that wouldn’t end. It was suddenly back to the intense high levels I had back in 2014 when I didn’t know all these pain management techniques. Naturally, I was terrified and used every possible coping technique possible to get through it. Since it was so high I was just. Hoo. Each day was a rollercoaster. The pain gives me hella moodswings. Zip, zip, had to just keep it zipped as much as I could so I didn’t look like an asshole. If I had to work one shift I basically had to make sure I didn’t do ANYTHING beforehand to save those spoons and keep the pain from spiking, but I didn’t want to pass up auditions so I forced myself to a few. The pain got so bad I couldn’t even sit up in bed most nights. Missed a lot of work. Had to meditate like crazy to keep positive thoughts in the front of my brain but it was very difficult.

1.5.17: Barely clinging to positivity but trying my best, since I’m always in bed I work up the strength with a LOT of rest and pain management to play a little Pokemon. Meanwhile I’m trying to work on gross crunchy calcium in the back of my neck (yeah, it’s nasty) and this huge chunk comes off inside my neck, like just... a crunchy chip floating in there that I could move and scrape against my neck

UM. I YELLED and immediately posted about it and freaked out because by googling “hard crunchy back of neck floating” I discovered atlas subluxation. http://newvagabond.tumblr.com/post/155495266822/atlas-orthogonal-changed-my-life-migraines

1.6.17: Appointment with primary care physician to update her on my rapidly worsening condition and talk to her about atlas subluxation. She got flustered and was saying, “this isn’t something the healthcare system considers as treatment” and I was like WHY and at this point I was done being pushed around and I said many times, “Sorry, I just need you to hear everything that I’m saying” as I went over this whole page of notes I made for her about how this procedure could give me my life back. I lamb’d her into submission in order to get her to write several referrals to try to find someone. All she could do was refer me to the bone doctor and the neurologist.

GUYS IT’S LITERALLY LIKE, oh, your brain and body are breaking down because this one bone might be out of place? It’s that simple and obvious and we can find it in x-rays easily if we know what we’re looking for and there are already specialists who do this specific adjustment around the world?

Hmm... nahhh... nah... don’t even check there. Just treat this girl’s depression and pain with drugs FIRST, before we determine that it’s the organs themselves with the deficiency. We’ll just try that and see what happens, $50 please. I have been on 3 different depression/anxiety meds, zofran, xanax, ativan, tramadol, various colon steroids?? Just a ton of crap.

Even knowing I will need to pay an atlas doc out of pocket, I get so depressed that I can’t even bring myself to make a phone call for an appointment.

1.11.17: Crying and screaming level of pain, very weak, depression so intense all I could think while obviously very, very ill was “I’m the worst/I should die/I’m just a problem/I’m ruining my dad’s life/I’m an unreliable loser and all my coworkers and employers think I’m lazy and dumb/no one likes me because I’m too weird and always sick” etc etc. My dad almost took me to the hospital because the pain was just way too intense and making me lose my shit.

1.12.17, day of procedure: In the morning my dad called me and suggested we just do it, just call one of those specialists. I was in no state to make phone calls so he did it for me. He picked the closest one and called her. He said, “my daughter has fibromyalgia and she’s in bad shape” and the doctor said we could come in that day.

My post after the adjustment describing the experience with photos Even walking is different Other details about the visit Brain activity is high at bedtime but I can feel my body 1.13.17, day after procedure: Wake up sharp at 8am, do yoga. Got some pretty intense back and neck pains and fatigue but it’s different. I feel sore and aching like my body is letting go after holding onto something for a long time. I have an appetite. Talking about how this is the first doctor I’ve ever met who was just so confident in her ability to help me instead of shrugging and giving me drugs Reeling because everything is making so much sense and how our medical system is awful Prophetic dream? 1.14.17, day 2: Went to school, had fun because I could think properly. My dad took me to do errands after. I got really tired and had pain but it was still very different. We picked up some suggestions the doc gave me to help my body during the healing process. Thinking about how crazy it is that my body is going to be slowly adjusting and healing over the next year or so More thoughts as I feel my body change and think about what lead up to all this Hope and healing Already seeing a drastic change in sleep

1.15.17, day 3: Back to work at my retail job. Kind of difficult because I’m under strict orders from the doctor not to lift more than 5lbs as not to make my atlas go back out of whack. Lots of pain and fatigue by noon from having to use my body so much. But brain is still sharp, having fun with customers. On my break I start looking up atlas subluxation and how it affects a child’s brain development since I realize that this means that I grew up with a compressed brain stem. Unfamiliar feeling of peace and calm Sad thoughts remembering my childhood Suspicious of the medical system not recognizing this A thank you to friends and followers during this hugely important time

1.16.17, day 4: Day off. Pain levels got pretty high so I did my best to rest a lot. I was too tired to play more than a little video games. Noticing I look different in pictures Anon asks if the bump on my spine is gone More research, ebook with alarming symptoms that match mine Exposing a secret Text post talking about the pain and family members looking into this now/ Meant to be Stepping stones Having another look at my MRI More info 1.17.17, day 5: Very tired. Slept in until 9am, managed to do 5 pushups, yoga, and some light hula hooping. Had a good breakfast and got about an hour of editing done by 11:30 before I was just way too tired, so I napped until a little after 1 and had a small lunch. The pain wasn’t so bad, it was mostly fatigue. I ended up needing another 30 minute nap before I went to work. I felt kind of depressed but I’m not sure if it’s because of my worry about work. I worked today and I have to work tomorrow, I’m just worried 2 days in a row will be rough like it usually is. I still really wish I could just take time off completely and not force myself through these shifts. But I don’t want to lose my jobs. :( We’ll see. Epic upper body spasm while trying to make a snack 1.18.17, day 6: I slept really well despite waking up randomly at 3. I felt calm and warm without my heated blanket on for awhile, and fell back asleep easily. I ate a really good breakfast and lunch and work wasn’t too bad. I’m still very sore and aching, and having to move around so much definitely doesn’t help that. My mood was back up again, but I do feel a bit emotionally overwhelmed by all this information. I’m feeling anger and the urge to call my primary care doctor and ask her how she can even call herself a doctor. Wondering what differences my acupuncturist will notice Crooked glasses no crooked atlas yes Sharper brain at work Frustration and wondering how much worse I would’ve gotten Positivity is important but it doesn’t fix a spine by itself Happy to have answers but feeling a lot of sadness 1.19.17, day 7 and my follow up with the atlas orthogonal doctor: Follow up post here with “after” x-ray pics Thoughts on Snapchat Ashwagandha Lots of fatigue and also depressive mood swings keeping me in bed. 1.20.17, day 8: Fun day out with a friend, very much needed. She got me a gemstone for spinal alignment! Pain wasn’t too bad all day and by 5pm I was getting tired. VERY squirmy feelings.

Atlas noise is grossing me out Dear my body Reflection on my experience in the crystal store and how life has been the past 4 years being so sick Thinking about a classmate saying something kind of inappropriate 1.21.17, day 9: Bad depression and fatigue. Missed school and had a really rough time at work. 1.22.17, day 10: Mood improved a lot, felt okay at work and had a good massage. Super hungry. Sat at my desk for so long! But also so much wiggliness that I hate

1.23.17, day 11: I felt good so I vlogged a lot! I pushed it a little and had to rest a lot after though, oops.

Pain is high at bedtime, I need some kind of memory foam pillow 1.24.17, day 12: Acupuncture appointment went well, she was pretty amazed. Worked, pain came and went. Felt energetic. Even played OW when I got home. Depression is coming in smaller waves now but they’re still strong and can knock me over. Answering an ask about x-rays Another ask about fixing the atlas yourself Depression coping tips

1.25.17, day 13: A lot of depression first half of the day. It got better once I got to work. Pain got up there at night but I managed to get some OW in. Forgot to buy spicy patches but I have a new magnesium oil spray.

Brain reprogramming

1.26.17, day 14: Went to the market by myself and regretted it because I ended up in bad pain by 11am. Didn’t get much done the whole day, slept on and off like a toddler.

Thoughts on growing up Spoonie snaps: food and owies Night sweats pretty much gone 1.27.17, day 15: Another day of lots of pain and fatigue, but I managed to do a little bit and play some games. The impact of choosing not to suffer in silence Fatigue depression

2.6.17, day... omg idfk! I’ve been so wiped out I haven’t had the energy to sit at my desk and keep this updated.

Basically, things have still been a wild ride. I had a little over a week of high pain levels and fatigue but thankfully no vomiting, but looots of depression and badbrain. I’ve been doing my best to manage everything and stay on top of my self-care routine as usual. Each day is different and things are changing little by little.

Since so many of my updates/thoughts are in text posts I’ll just link them like I was already doing.

1.28.17 Chronic pain problem of trying to time medicating

1.29.17 I feel like I’m not allowed to rest One day I’ll be big and strong Recent snaps of pain management and finding comfort in cats and facemasks

1.30.17 PMS messing me up and such

1.31.17 Before and after x-rays and thoughts about my MRIs Got an adjustment at my regular chiro and it went great

2.1.17 Recent snaps of special spine pillow and such Missing gaming because too much pain ;(

2.2.17 Vlog teaser: working on medical marijuana vlogs! Advice for an anon Relating to a follower about overstimulation caused by a new pain

2.3.17 Spoonie actor visibility Snapchat story Heard back from the MyStrength people Intense flare with bad spine and rib pain and fever

2.4.17 Vlog about getting my handicap parking placard

2.5.17 Tonsil stones ; ; Morning depression Spoonies, Stay (about spoonie suicide) Intrusive thoughts, healing is painful, and on being a late bloomer

3.14.17

Time has gotten away from me. It’s hard to keep track of things. I’m having good days but more bad days. Lots of swelling in my upper neck now. Video here to show how big it gets http://newvagabond.tumblr.com/post/158336271242/this-is-what-i-mean-when-i-say-ow-my-upper-spine possibly because I didn’t rest and stuff, chiro had to do a lot

Depression was pretty bad too. And there’s been a huge weather change. It’s possibly that’s related to my flare up. Feeling hopeless.

Frustration at being told I’m lucky to be so skinny when I am skinny because of health problems Going to school in pain and realizing other people don’t have any idea what this is like Spine pain feels like spine is moving slowly, like braces on teeth Feeling pressured to work when my body is not well I wish I’d known it’s not normal Bad pain, acupuncture, experimenting with oils Threw up for the first time since January Being happy isn’t only for the neurotypical ER doctors hate us Malingering, teachers thinking I was faking Low spoons from having to keep up with people who have near infinite spoons

March got better towards the end with more frequent massage and me getting very serious about my Ayurveda self-care routine. Yoga deep stretch 2x a day, strict rest breaks, lots of ashwagandha, etc. Sleep became difficult again, both at night and during the day.

Neurological tics and SP Spine spoonie end of March Appreciate the time a spoonie gives you Emotional detox the past 4 years Low pain day despite stress and activity ?? didn’t have to medicate until 9pm Ashwagandha powder feeling changes Two days in a row of low pain and good brain function Survival is anything but typical More ashwa goodness Glass half full Suddenly back to being in bed most of the day Medical records showing just how incompetent my old docs were What does it mean to be strong? Spine swelling stealing my days I want a spinal implant Spoonies are always performing Losing friends when you get sick

Sesame oil and hot/cold pack life New vape cartridge for spine pain relief! Golden milk with ashwagandha every night!

Had a very busy week even with low pain days and got worn out after 6 days, high pain, but still great mood. I felt very positive and optimistic. Reality felt very strange with low pain. But I was back to my usual struggle the next week.

I still feel very much like the only way people will take my health seriously is if I push myself into collapsing. Also spine is so noisy when I do my yoga. I got my tax return and I’m so thankful because I was able to stock up on pain relief products! But I’m still kinda worried about the neurological symptoms I’m having.

I saw my new doctor and was really surprised.

4.12.17 3 month update and thoughts.

#atlas subluxation #chronic illness #invisible illnesses #disability #personal #teku #new's medical timeline

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sarahburness · 5 years

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12 Surprising Uses for Vicks VapoRub

There are two scents that remind me of being a sick kid: brandy and Vicks VapoRub.

Decongest Your Chest

The most common use of Vicks is to decongest your chest and throat area. When applied to the upper chest, it provides excellent relief of congestion symptoms.

For Your Cough

Achy Muscles

Vicks relieves sore, overworked muscles. It increases circulation and provides almost instant aid. Use a generous portion and apply it all over the aching area. Just be sure to warn your bed-mate.

Get Rid of Nasty Nail Fungus

Stop Your Cat from Scratching

Pet Pee-Pee Deterrent

Headaches

Rub a small amount of Vicks VapoRub on your temples and forehead to help relieve headaches. The mentholated scent will release pressure in your head and instantly relieve pain.

Humidify Your Sleep

Paper Cuts and Splinters

To prevent infection and speed up healing time, dab a small amount of Vicks on any small cut or splinter.

Ticks and Bugs

If you get bitten by a tick, apply Vicks immediately. The strong odor might help get the critter to release itself and stop bugging you.

Reek-free Racehorses

Professional racers smother VapoRub under the nostrils of racehorses on race day. The strong stench deters the stallions from the alluring odor of the female pony and keeps them focused on the race.

Mosquitoes

A Word of Caution

The post 12 Surprising Uses for Vicks VapoRub appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

from Dumb Little Man https://www.dumblittleman.com/twelve-surprising-uses-for-vicks/

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thoughtsfeelingsjustblah · 7 years

Text

1/14

I am stressed, and it sucks. It’s a long story, and I will post details below, will copy and paste what I put on Facebook.

But first, I have to say... I/we have been extremely good tenants. We’ve done everything right, we’re quiet, pay rent on time (when she comes to get it, as she did not give us her address, preferred to come get it whenever she felt like it). But, that rent was always waiting for her, whenever was convenient for her. We have made several repairs on our own (as she had originally told us to do, so it would save her money), we painted, fixed the place up. Added pretty gardens/landscaping. Our home is clean, well take care of. I put a LOT of effort into getting rid of the roaches that were here when we moved in, and you will NOT see one insect in this house now. According to HER, the past tenants were horrible, always fighting and tearing the place apart, disturbing neighbors, drugs, and supposedly even prostitution! IF that were true, you would THINK she would appreciate having US living here, wouldn’t you? She actually told me the names of the last 3 tenants, and told me nasty rumors about each of them. I remembered the names, in case ever needed (her trash talking was a bit of a red flag). I have contacted all 3 previous tenants, and ALL of them went through the same things with her. She was so nice, then like a flip of a switch she was a different person. An obnoxious, cold, callous, abusive psycho. There are stories of her breaking into the house on one of them. Another, she popped in unannounced, was mad that the tenants’ kids had toys on the floor and came in shouting obscenities, heaving toys across the room. Another lady has biracial kids, and she called those children n*ggers.

Anyway, now for some details... Posted on my Facebook last night:

OH it's been a long day. But, I will have to say this much.. If anyone in the Bristol area needs any plumbing done, call John at A PLUS plumbing on Anderson street. This is a good man and a good company. People like this man are so rare.

Ok, starting from the beginning but trying to condense the story. We had sewage backing up, tried to fix it with the help of a good friend, and tried about everything. We were trying to avoid putting the financial burden on our landlord, because she had been so sweet, I really liked her, thought very highly of her. And, she told us in the past that if we can fix things, she appreciates it, so we have tried to keep everything up DIY, for her. She began to angrily ridicule me about things she seen/read on my Facebook (ie; a picture I posted out boredom while waiting at the ER a week a 1/2 ago, she told me it's "an old picture from before" and asked me "why do you want people to think you are sick?" - I was sick in the past year, it's not that I want people to THINK i'm sick. I'm fine, now, other than having bronchitis when I went to the ER - but how is that even relevant to a sewage blockage and the landlord's responsibility to pay for necessary repairs?), accused that I was on FB planning "another trip to Virginia beach" - I have never been to VA beach, and I haven't planned to go to the beach in more than 3 years...again, not that any of this is relevant.

She told me that she seen Mark's phone, and if he can afford that phone that we can afford to get the sewage problem fixed (landlord responsibility). She had some of the most judgmental, rude things to say.....it was absolutely insane....... She went from a person I really thought was a great person, to a hate filled individual taking personal stabs in about every direction....... She made nasty comments about our finances.....just personal things that are frankly non of her concern. It took me totally of guard.

Said that we never thanked her for anything.. I have thanked her, I thanked her for having someone come out and fix the heat pump this Summer...... The heat pump isn't working still, we have had some VERY cold nights. We have told her, more than once, about the holes in the ceiling that leak when it rains, the water leaks under the windows... She asked if we or our friend Nathan would go up ON THE ROOF and put some sealant on it....would not have that fixed. But, I just smiled and kept my mouth shut, and dealt with it. Most people would not. But I respected her, really thought she was a good person.....so I just simply dealt with it.

I have an automatic call recorder on my phone. These conversations were recorded, along with the conversation between her and the plumber, when she told him we are "sucking her dry" and made disparaging remarks to him about our financial situation!! Disclosing information which she has no right to discuss. And, I would like to know how we are sucking her dry? We have worked on this house for her, never asked for anything other than the heat pump during the summer time, when I was still sick and having a hard time breathing in the extreme heat. I nicely asked if she could have it fixed, was NEVER demanding, actually I/we have been the complete opposite.Anyway, she told him WE have to pay for it. We couldn't do it (and it IS her responsibility - the fumes filling the house were dangerous, not livable conditions), just didn't have the money at the moment. Mark apologized for having him come out for nothing, and we just figured we would have to just deal with the fumes/smell, not being able to use the toilet, sinks, shower.....somehow.

A few minutes after the man with A PLUS plumbing left, there was a knock on the door. It was John. I said, "Oh did she decide to have you fix it?", He said, "No, but I felt guilty". And this unbelievably good hearted man fixed the sewage problem free of charge. There are NOT many people like this in the world.

The landlord had horrible things to say about previous tenants, much like the things she said to me, and to the plumber about us. Now, I understand why she couldn't keep anyone living here. There is always 2 sides to every story.

She told us we are to be out as soon as the lease is up. Not a problem! Will happily move. I liked this house, but it's not worth dealing with this trash.

Oh, and another thing. She told me I don't have any reason to call her, because I am NOT her tenant, Mark is. I reminded her that I am also on the lease, and she snapped back at me "No you ARE NOT"..... WTH, for real... Surreal experience, all the way around.

Also... Originally, after all the hateful things she had to say, she said that it was too late in the day, that she isn't going to pay for weekend service call. I called and found a plumber who could it today and it wouldn't be an additional charge. So, I called her and told her about it. She told me that we will have to pay for it, and went back to saying the same nasty things. I stayed calm (not an easy thing to do in this situation), and reminded her that it's her legal responsibility to make necessary repairs, that's when she told me she wants us out May 1st, when the lease is up.

-End of Facebook post-

It just sucks. I was happy here. I thought we had a sweet landlord. I thought we would be living here for quite a while. Yesterday, before this all happened, I was on the back porch looking out at the area that I had planned to have a big garden this spring/summer, planning it out. And then, all this changes everything. Even if she were to apologize (she did apologize months ago, after she snapped at me over not pulling all the weeds in the garden yet.....I was recovering from a heart attack, and every time I went outside in the heat I felt horrible, but I was trying!), I don’t think I could bring myself to continue living here after the the verbal abuse she was spewing yesterday.

I dread moving, because it’s hard to find an affordable home that’s decent. Because it’s hard to get a landlord to accept my cat. It’s hard to find a landlord who is willing to let me landscape, plant flowers, bushes and veggies. By the time we find a place, I won’t really have time to plant much, anyway! :(

I have to sort through everything in the basement and get rid of 1/2 of it. We had two apartments full of things when we moved here and combined our stuff.

I liked this house, even though it DOES have problems. I love the neighborhood. And up until yesterday, I loved our landlord, thought she was a wonderful lady. I don’t know what happened, why she suddenly has a hatred toward me and would want to say horrible things to me. I just don’t get it.

The thing about my health, making it sound like i’ve not really been sick... How cruel is that. She had seen me a few times when I was sick, and seemed really concerned, telling me that I looked awful, so pale and sick, said she worried about me. She KNOWS I had been sick. Within a time span of 5 months, I had bilateral pulmonary embolism, a heart attack requiring a stent placed in my heart, severe anemia for which I had to spend time in the hospital having multiple blood transfusions. DO NOT TELL ME I HAVE NOT BEEN SICK!!!!! I went through my own personal HELL. No, I am not “sick” now. I am still slowly recovering from it all, though I sometimes think i’m doing better than I actually am, and push myself to my limit and regret it later - but I *am* recovering. I NEVER make it seem like i’m sick when I am not. I was in the hospital Jan. 4th for shortness of breath and chest/back pain. EKG and other tests were done, and I was fine. I immediately answered those who posted on my picture, letting them know everything was good, i’m fine. So, how am I trying to make people think I am sick? A lot of health issues I have dealt with, I haven’t even talked about. Or if I did, it was after the fact. I only posted the picture (as I have random pictures in the past) our of boredom. She accused it was a picture I posted months ago, when I was in the hospital.

But then... She also accused that I was on Facebook making plans for “another trip to Virginia beach”. And I have never been to Virginia beach. I haven’t been to any beach in over 3 years.... I haven’t planned a trip because not only can I not afford it, but I stay to busy (and last year I was FAR too sick) to go on vacation!! The reason I was able to afford beach trips in the past, we had a group of people, everyone paying a part. My part was the cook.. Instead of money, much of the time, I would go along and cook and clean for the us all. She insisted that she seen posts where I was planning it, though. Delusional, apparently.

I’m mentally exhausted. When I am stressed over something, my brain won’t shut up, I obsess over it until I feel like i’m losing my mind. I don’t know if it’s PTSD or OCD, but it makes everything harder to deal with.

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