Viết cho ngày cuối cùng của năm ở Sài Gòn, trước khi về Nhà.
Mỗi ngày lại bắt đầu bằng việc mở máy tính kiểm tra kênh, lọ mọ pha cho mình một ly cà phê béo ngậy, để đánh thức các dây thần kinh lười biếng, đôi khi như muốn tạm tê liệt đi.
Tìm kiếm một âm thanh nền cho những suy nghĩ miên man. Những ngày như thế này, đã khá lâu, mình mới nghe lại nhạc Trịnh - dòng nhạc như đã tạo nên triết lý sống, nhân sinh quan, ý thức hệ căn bản của chúng mình. Vào tận cuối năm 2023 này, mình cũng đã hoàn thành 1 trong số những mục tiêu dang dở, bỏ ngỏ bấy lâu nay. Chiếc kênh nhỏ xinh này, cho đến nay, mang đến cho mình nhiều nhất là niềm vui sướng khi giúp đỡ được những người hoàn toàn xa lạ. Giúp giải đáp công việc của người, giúp nâng niu cảm xúc của người, giúp ru cho một giấc ngủ yên lành mỗi đêm. Vui khi đọc email cảm ơn và lời động viên của mọi người. Mình chẳng có gì để tỏ bày, ngoài một tấm lòng, để gió cuốn đi.
Miên miên trong tâm trí của mình mỗi cuối năm, luôn là ký ức về những người đã tạm khuất đi trong kiếp này. Gửi trong thâm tâm một lời thương nhớ, một ý nghĩ về họ; một chuyến viếng thăm nơi người nằm nghỉ, để mình và họ biết, ta vẫn không quên nhau.
Tự hỏi trong lòng, liệu khi dần có tuổi, người ta hay mình, có trở nên sợ hãi hơn, yếu đuối hơn không. Cả việc dễ dàng thỏa hiệp với những điều mình từng không thể nào chấp nhận nổi như là sự phản bội, dối trá, bất trung; hay không?
Chỉ mong ước cho những năm về sau, trái tim mình mãi kiên nhẫn với những điều mình tin tưởng và dõi theo.
- Sài Gòn, 28 tháng Chạp, năm Quý Mão
Trong trái tim con chim đau nằm yên
Ngủ dài lâu mang theo vết thương sâu
Một sớm mai chim bay đi triền miên
Và tiếng hót vang trong trời gió lên
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TGCF Thought: My Difficulty in shipping BEEFLEAF
!!Major spoiler for non-novel reader!! TL;DR available at the bottom of the post.
⚠️ Warning!! for beefleaf shippers who do not wish to read any negative thought about this ship, just ignore my post. Believe in your ability to scroll down!
Asking to remove the tags will automatically referred to this post.
Clicking (...) -> block saves you more time than typing a complain in my ask box.
Beefleaf is a highly popular fan-ship besides fengqing and when I’m not actively hate or against it (as I don’t like gatekeeping), there are several factors that make it difficult for me to accept them as a pairing and these factors are greatly influenced by the canon material itself.
Initially, Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan were besties, this notion made fans’ natural attraction to take their relationship further as a pairing. The canon source implies that them being besties is perceived more from Shi Qingxuan's point of view.
He Xuan's initial motivation for infiltrating Heavenly Court was to investigate the cause of his tragic fate. Later, after he found the source/cause, he was getting closer to Shi Qingxuan on his mission of revenge.
Over the course of their relationship as besties, it is a feint on He Xuan’s behalf. MXTX goes even further that she told us: He Xuan has great talent on acting (Yin Yu’s flashback and iirc interview).
Flashforward to Black Water arc, He Xuan’s main target for his revenge is Shi Wudu because he is the active player. The revelation greatly shock Shi Qingxuan who was greatly unaware of this. Even more regretfully, He Xuan never expected Shi Qingxuan's innocence. So while he was acting as his bestie, He Xuan had been harboring the same hatred for both brothers.
To the point that he wished Shi Qingxuan's innocence is a lie (“tell me this is not true!!”), this becomes a great dilemma for He Xuan. Until several times he refused to believe that Shi Qingxuan did not know anything about this switching fate.
So doesn't that mean He Xuan loves Shi Qingxuan?
Not necessarily, because you don’t have to be romantically in love for having moral standards not to condemn innocent people.
Let's put ourselves on He Xuan’s shoes; for decades (hundreds of years in their case) you actively pretended to be his best friend while thinking of getting revenge on him one day. You have harbored and nurtured such feelings for years, is it easy to just let them go?
Oh, you’re innocent? Then I forgive you (understandably, have a nice day)
If you think so, then you are underestimating He Xuan's feelings, pains and what he has been through all these years.
Now, moving on Shi Qingxuan; for someone you trust as bestfriend and suddenly he frankly reveals his secret that all this time he has held grudges and hates you. Even though deep down you know you're innocent, you will still feel hurt, confused, and blame yourself.
Thinking him as your trusted friend for all the time who suddenly says that "I actually hate you"/”we’re not friends” is a shocking moment for anyone (which also happened to Xie Lian & Mu Qing in the 33 gods & auspicious land flashback).
The conflict in the Black Water arc is very deep:
Shi Wudu doesn't want punishment to befall his brother because he knows that he is innocent.
Shi Qingxuan also felt guilty for He Xuan's suffering even though he just knows it at that time, because it was undeniable that his fortune had belonged to someone else.
He Xuan refuses to believe that Shi Qingxuan is innocent, as he has always harbored hatred for the two of them and used to watching Shi Qingxuan enjoying the life and fortune that rightfully belong to He Xuan all along.
So the conclusion of this conflict is; He Xuan killed Shi Wudu and abandoned Shi Qingxuan.
Yeah, beefleaf shippers, you can’t get He Xuan to just forgive Shi Qingxuan all together and let them be the new pair of Water-Wind masters or Earth-Wind masters.
He Xuan still stripped Shi Qingxuan’s divinity and abandoneddisgraced him as beggar as he wants Shi Qingxuan to feel the suffering that he went through before.
And Shi Qingxuan (who even though you repeatedly said he is innocent and don’t deserves it) willingly accepts his new fate.
Another MXTX’s interview even said that Shi Qingxuan doesn't want his damaged limbs to be restored (which of course really saddens me as I love Shi Qingxuan as a character too but), this further strengthens that Shi Qingxuan feels guilty and does not deserve his fortune and divinity and he accepts the loss of them which were not his in the first place.
We may disagree with this outcome, but this is what those two characters (beefleaf) decided.
Now these two canon breakdowns that:
He Xuan is straight since he had female fiancée at some point in the past.
Albeit his godhood allowed him to be genderfluid, Shi Qingxuan is more comfortable as a man than woman as we can see during Paradise Manor infiltration arc, he switched back into his male form despite still dressed up as a maid and he would be more powerful in female form because in this timeline he was still active as the wind master (not losing his godhood yet).
The problem of ‘beefleaf’ portrayal
As I said at the beginning that I don't like gatekeeping, I also don't necessarily dislike beefleaf as a pairing.
But so far I'm having a hard time liking this couple due to their portrayal of most of the fans which is mostly uhm… problematic.
Most fans like to belittle He Xuan’s revenge and put He Xuan feelings & sufferings aside.
They progress that during He Xuan's act of being Shi Qingxuan's best friend, He Xuan has fallen in love with Shi Qingxuan.
They made He Xuan abandon his revenge journey just like that.
Bearing in mind that He Xuan's revenge is not merely to relieve his anger, but also as an act of filial piety to his family who had also become victims of fate switching carried out by Shi Wudu.
That is the meaning of the scene where He Xuan brings Shi Wudu's head to his family's urns as an offering, in Black Water arc.
The Black Water arc generally still happens with Shi Wudu’s still paying for his sin, but as for Shi Qingxuan, beefleaf shippers are back on the route: “oh, you’re innocent? Then I forgive you” aka. understandably, have a nice day.
No, it doesn’t work like that.
What make He Xuan forgive Shi Qingxuan so easily just because he supposedly falls in love with him?
Shippers might put the revelation of Shi Qingxuan’s innocence early, before the Black Water arc was supposed to happen, so that He Xuan can forgive Shi Qingxuan much early.
Worse that he just falls in love without knowing Shi Qingxuan’s innocence first.
But this creates further problems when He Xuan has to punish Shi Wudu, Shi Qingxuan's beloved older brother.
“I love you, I forgive you, but I have to kill your brother.” You expect that Shi Qingxuan will just nod off?
Okay maybe not kill him but… natural reaction from Shi Qingxuan would be begging for forgiveness, or at least leniency on his brother.
Or worse, wishing that He Xuan to just abandon his revenge, which again, you belittle his pain.
You can't just simply choose: your lover or your dearest sibling? This will put Shi Qingxuan in a great dilemma. Which might be good for a drama, but very complicate to make it a happy ending.
Most stories like this actually end in tragedy.
Another take is by having Shi Qingxuan and Shi Wudu embroiled in family quarrel, which generally ends with Shi Wudu ready to take the punishment. However it generally also ends with He Xuan granting leniency.
“Well, he needs to pay for his sin, but I won’t kill him” like a husband comforting his distressed wife.
But for God’s sake, this is about He Xuan!! Not Shi Qingxuan!
He Xuan is the one who has the right to determine for himself how he will resolve his conflict with Shi Wudu, how much Shi Wudu will pay for his deed, he is the one who has suffered all this time, he is the main victim of this goddamn fate switching!!
And again, you belittle He Xuan’s suffering, of him losing his fortune, of him losing his divinity, of him losing his family!
Even worst that some fans babytrapping him and Shi Qingxuan!!
Yeah, they’re having baby, so He Xuan is not going to abandon Shi Qingxuan (and their unborn child) just like that (as in the canon).
“I have to take care of them, I can’t fail them/let them down, let's put aside this grudge for a moment for their sake…”
You belittle the tragedy of Black Water arc MXTX carefully made.
TL;DR beefleaf portrayals are mostly hardly believable, that’s what makes me hard to be convinced with their love story.
How can ‘beefleaf’ work better?
Let Black Water arc happens as in canon.
Therefore you value and acknowledge He Xuan’s past, his pain and his journey of revenge as it is.
And leave Shi Qingxuan with his current state post Black Water arc.
Therefore you respect his decision and acceptance.
Their romance does not happen in canon.
Doesn’t mean that their romance couldn't happen post-canon.
Their progress can be started from the post-ending. He Xuan has finished his revenge, has started to extinguish his hatred, has started to move on, to make peace with the past.
After his heart calmed down, make it a moment where his heart starts to ache for Shi Qingxuan, wondering what he is doing, thinking back whether they could start over.
As for Shi Qingxuan, it's very likely that he wants to avoid He Xuan at the moment. No matter how innocent he is, he had lived a life that was He Xuan's right, so his guilt won't just go away, he would be uncomfortable to face He Xuan.
This would be possible if it is He Xuan who opened his heart first. In the moment of their first meeting post Black Water arc, let Shi Qingxuan know that He Xuan has made peace with his past, that he is ready to move on, that he forgives Shi Qingxuan, offering Shi Qingxuan to let’s start over once again.
Let it happens slow, slow burn is beautiful.
Perhaps, Shi Qingxuan is ultimately willing to get his limbs restored.
And no babytrapping for God’s sake, let that happens after they truly reconcile.
Because that's the only thing I can see how beefleaf truly works.
So TL;DR you're free to ship beefleaf, but please make their progress more believable. Don't ditch/simplify the Black Water arc. Understand He Xuan's character & situation better. Don't underestimate his problem just for the sake of fluffiness. I'm looking forward for beefleaf content post-canon without excluding the after effect of Black Water arc and have them learn to cope it.
THE END
PS: If you still want Shi Wudu to somehow survive, do it.
But think about how to do it without putting aside He Xuan's pains and suffering as the main victim of his fate switching.
PPS: I’ll give you a free pass for ignoring Black Water arc if you write modern AU beefleaf.
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