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raycatz · 6 months

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I'm going to start eating glass

#my art #the gamecube is fucked and idek why #same with some of the corners on the TV but hey we're going to ignore thattt #I need to stop doing these the night before they're due #because I end up not sleeping and then when I'm in class I absorb nothing #thankfully the prof has old recorded lectures on the canvas page. I really should watch all of them #this is steven's bedroom from steven universe btw #my sister is taking the class with me #she modeled Sophie's room from Howl's Moving Castle #and we gotta fistfight /j because her render looks nicer than mine #I would not be surviving this class if not for her

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anglerflsh · 10 days

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wow ive been kind of off lately I should take a day to rest an[explosion]

#[.art]#self #complaining tag #I'm good. I needed to draw about it but I'm good. it's fine. whatever #love it when I barely ask you for money to Live outside of gifts and 30 a month. and then you withold the gift SOMEONE ELSE GAVE ME #that's fine it's totally not as if I told you I need that money before. and you decided I was a bit too mean #about you compiling a document I Need To in order to keep the room and board in the place I am living in. by the way #she proceeded to change topic completely to the weather and forget about anything ive told her on the clothes I have here #or about the courses I follow. she takes notes for my sister's classes but cannot be bothered to remember i dont have exams in april #that's fineeee it's fine. it's fine. I know my sistser needs the help and I don't. I would rather die than ask for her help anyways #you can at least pretend to forget about both of us equally instead of telling me I should graduate in two years because im smart enough #which I am not. by the way. At least when I will fail at something I'll have the opportunity to tell her I told you so thank god #dont get me wrong i know her giving me compliments is a good thing I just sort of wish the were things actually about me #and not about the idea she has about me being some kind of prodigy that's simply too lazy to actually be exceptional. anyways

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asteralien · 2 months

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richard's relationship with money is so interesting to me despite/because of how vague and nonspecific it is in canon. which only makes sense because the show isn't interested in richard's backstory at ALL and, it being an audio medium, it can't exactly give many context clues like wardrobe/style or what his apartment/house looks like. but it's like......... he doesn't have interests, he dabbles in money-making activities. i am practically forced to assume that his mention of being good at pool also = a side hustle. his estranged dad up and left him a house and a paid ride to college. at this point he's way better off than he's ever been -- after 18 years of living with two separate conmen and a mother who doesn't care about him in mediocre apartments, he's suddenly on his own with his future out in front of him, and....... he STILL takes very risky grade-changing jobs for money? like he bypasses getting a regular college job and goes straight to petty crime? and apparently "far worse" crimes??? it's such an interesting balance between craving the security of Having Money and being pathologically unable to get it in a "normal" "safe" way. he doesn't even do anything with it in canon, he just GETS it. he isn't even buying lucy's drinks himself!!!! obviously even richard has bills to pay (which is. very funny to me. sorry that i think 19-year-old college era richard is the funniest person to ever exist, gremlin who's only ever lived in an apartment with his mother, sister, and mother's rotating cast of boyfriends, suddenly has a whole ass house dumped in his lap on his 18th birthday in exchange for his whole ass father's wholesale abandonment of him, has to figure out how to pay utility bills on his own, maybe thinks about getting a barista job or whatever kids did in the 80s, record shop clerk job?? and then nopes past it and picks "exploiting a child genius" as a career path instead. what a fucking legend. i also think he murdered people for money a couple times but that's just me) sorry i've lost the plot of this post thinking about campbell county community college computers richard. imagine being the people at the 5 Cs in charge of hiring STUDENT COUNSELORS and seeing richard maxwell strut into his interview and thinking "yes this 18-year-old suspiciously home-owning kid who talks like a john hughes movie antagonist and is currently his kid sister's very much illegal guardian is the perfect fit for our emotionally and socially fragile 11-year-old resident genius. what could go wrong" and then they have to pay for nicholas adamsworth's therapy sessions for the next 5 years because richard maxwell was what could go wrong. fuck. "waylaid in the windy city" maybe be my personal favorite richard but pre- and mid-"eugene's dilemma" richard is definitely the weirdest and funniest

#richard maxwell #aio #richard goes home deliriously exhausted from his college classes and 14 illegal side hustles and has to help rachael with her math homework #'why does he talk Like That' because it was the 80s and he's a single father next question #no wonder he genuinely likes lucy she's a Good Kid who doesn't need him she just likes him #despite everything that's probably the most straightforward relationship he has #unfortunately on lucy's end she also requires several years of therapy after her category 5 richard maxwell moment #like EVERYTHING about eugene's dilemma richard makes simultaneously more and less sense #when you realize that he's got the background radiation of 'my estranged mom showed up out of the blue to make me take care of her/my siste #'and then she left me alone with my sister and no way to contact her if i needed help'#'and then my sister got taken away from me because she got busted for shoplifting several times in a row so now i'm alone again'#'i canonically hate myself for failing her this way'#'also someone almost kidnapped me in a creeper van the other day'#the fact that fotf created the Most Character of All Time without meaning to or realizing is so fucking infuriating to me #at the very least richard maxwell should have been a supernatural character. he could have shone there.#instead. here we are.

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ruanais · 3 months

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srry for not posting. Uh prob won’t post much these few months haha. Might go on a hiatus after the event :(

#ᨳ—rua’s gossip #There’s just too much #Classes #taking care of a kid #work #chores #studying #etc etc erc #I’m barely getting 5 hours of sleep :(#*sobs*#my younger sister would prob live with me until that matter is resolved

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silenthillbunni · 6 days

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☁️🌷

#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it #i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class #but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school #i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine #so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there #and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af #ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch #i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :((#i just wanna cry tbh #the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die #i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything #im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally #i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove #move*#what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc #im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :((((#well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3

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solar-halos · 3 months

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you think you know a fashion account and then they start posting pics of ai dresses… ick. this was originally gonna be me sketching out annie’s wedding dress in retaliation but that turned out to be kinda fucking hard so i decided to draw a career. here is enobaria. you can tell its enobaria in this pic bc theres fangs

edit: here’s a reuploaded version bc i forgot to give her a nose the first time

#ai art is not art #what fucking sucks abt ai fashion is at first glance it looks so perfect and pretty #but it’s like… too smooth? yk overall too perfect #but its so fucked bc there’s literally real materials that can create that exact silky smooth drapey effect #also i rlly wanted to draw cashmere but it turns out eyelashes are rlly fucking hard to draw #men too #which makes sense bc art is hard but like when i was doing it suddenly it was like i’ve never seen an eyelash before #same w her eyebrows i had to redo that like twice #also im taking an art class this semester for my ge reqs so we’ve upgraded to actual paper i stole from my sister :D #she is actually an artist (she made me a charlie swan pop art thing!!!) and lets me use all her colored pencils <3

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queenlucythevaliant · 1 year

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In Defense of Wuthering Heights

This is not an “I can make him worse” book. It’s a “we can make each other better in the face of tremendous pressure to do otherwise” book. I promise.

I’ve already written extensively about my love for Charlotte Brontë’s Villette and while I love lots of other Brontë books with all my heart, what I really want to do tonight is try to make you fall in love with Emily’s Wuthering Heights (generally the most divisive Brontë novel among modern readers) the way that I did.

The thing that a lot of people don’t know which I really think ought to be printed on all the dust jackets is that the Brontë sisters were the daughters of a revered. They were PKs and it totally shows.

So Wuthering Heights is not a romance; it’s a family tragedy. Specifically, it’s an astonishingly hopeful book about generational trauma.

Heathcliff is Mr. Earnshaw’s bastard son. This is never explicitly stated, but it is implied so heavily that it might as well be. To boot, Mr. Earnshaw favors Heathcliff over his legitimate son, Hindley. When Mr. Earnshaw dies, Heathcliff is immediately and violently cast out of the family and forced into servitude. Mr. Earnshaw’s hidden infidelity is Wuthering Heights’s original sin.

Of course, Cathy and Heathcliff love each other, but it’s a violent and destructive like-recognizes-like kind of love between two people who, on the one hand, absolutely should not be together and, on the other, totally deserve each other. They’re capital T Tragic and capital R romantic: co-dependent, sharp-toothed sibling-lovers who don’t understand their own relationship as kids because their father lied to them. That lack of understanding follows them into adulthood; they don’t really know how to make sense of what they feel for one another, but boy do they feel it.

Cathy tells Nellie “I am Heathcliff” and “He’s more myself than I am” and “whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same,” and it’s half a reaction to the fact that one of her brothers (Hindley) has cast her other brother (Heathcliff) out of the family with a vengeance and half a statement of the fact that although she doesn’t know what Heathcliff is to her, she doesn’t know how to live without him. And while Cathy’s love for Heathcliff definitely fills romantic roles once they’re adults, it’s doesn’t really read as sexual. To use Lewis’s parlance: it’s not eros/gift-love, but rather need-love in the most emphatic sense. It’s storge. Actually, it’s really posessive storge that thinks it’s eros. Hence the problem.

From the other side, Heathcliff is an outsider from the moment he enters the story. He’s an intruder and a presumed bastard. He’s coded as non-white, maybe Romani or similar. (Probably not actually African-black, but kudos to that one movie for at least making the attempt.) He’s… probably kind of a psychopath in that he displays cruelty to animals and then later on becomes a charismatic, manipulative monster. You can make a nature vs. nurture argument—Heathcliff is definitely on the receiving end of a lot of cruelty—but there’s also something Off about him and that too is othering. And after Mr. Earnshaw dies, Cathy is the one person who still loves him.

But of course, they can’t actually marry. On and off the page, that simply cannot be. Heathcliff runs away, Cathy marries Edgar Linton. They hurt each other badly in the process. Neither Heathcliff nor Cathy can escape the harm that Mr. Earnshaw began and Hindley perpetuated. Cathy dies, Heathcliff marries Isabella, and then things get really interesting.

Because the beating heart of Wuthering Heights, the place where you can profoundly see the fingerprints of the reverend’s daughter, is in the third generation. Cathy and Heathcliff devour each other in life and in death, but the children survive. They forgive. The patriarch died without knowing what he had wrought on his children, the second generation died in anguish, but the third makes it out. Or at least Hareton and Cathy II do.

Cathy’s daughter is named for her mother. Heathcliff’s son by Isabella Linton is named Linton Heathcliff. Heathcliff forces Hareton, Hindley’s son and the only one among the third generation not named for his parents, to live in the same debasement that Hindley once forced on him: he denies Hareton any education and forces him into servitude while simultaneously courting his admiration. In essence, Cathy and Heathcliff implore the next generation to go on living their parents’ tragedy and it. Doesn’t. Work.

Heathcliff tries to force them both into awful situations in which they must act out his trauma, his revenge, to go on perpetuating the pain and bitterness. And at first, it looks like they’re going to play their parts. For a time, they’re as awful to each other as everyone else is.

But then they change. Hareton tries to stand up for Cathy II while she’s essentially being held captive as part of Heathcliff’s 12-Step Revenge Plot. Cathy teaches Hareton to read. She laughs at him, but when she realizes that she’s hurting his pride she apologizes and learns to be patient.

“I didn’t know you took my part,” she answered, drying her eyes; “and I was miserable and bitter at everybody; but now I thank you, and beg you to forgive me: what can I do besides?”

And after this, they both stand up to Heathcliff. They say, “This ends here. This far and no farther.” Heathcliff is their dragon and they face him together. And when everyone else is dead in grand, tragic fashion, Cathy II and Hareton are left living.

But it’s not just that Hareton and Cathy II survive. They specifically un-do the failings of the previous generations. There’s a kind of atonement to it. They’re honest with each other, unlike Mr. Earnshaw. Cathy recognizes Hareton’s humanity, something Hindley never did for Heathcliff. Hareton lets go of his bitterness and resentment, while Heathcliff let his fester into cruelty and Elaborate Revenge. Cathy II is willful, like her mother, but she is also kind. Hareton is proud, like his father, but he is also compassionate. They forgive each other, while Cathy and Heathcliff only ever held grudges.

At the beginning of the book, Cathy is dead and has explicitly not gone to heaven; with the Brontës, you’ve gotta take these things seriously. Cathy is not in heaven and Heathcliff is a monster and they both seem to be damned, but they do not succeed in damning their children. And in that (I would say because of that), even Cathy and Heathcliff find peace after death.

I also do think that the fact that the story is narrated by Lockwood (weirded out by all of this) and Nellie (unreliable, cares deeply about everyone involved) can make it difficult to see the redemptive arc in the story as clearly as we might if it had an omniscient narrator, or if, say Cathy II was narrating. We're presented the Cathy and Heathcliff love story as this great, horrible, compelling saga (and it absolutely is), but then the following generation can almost seem like a footnote. They're adapted out of most of the film adaptations. But they're the whole point!

I do get why Wuthering Heights just isn’t to some people’s taste. Really. Some people just don’t go for Big Romantic Family Tragedy and that’s fine. But too many people come to the Brontës looking for Jane Austen or Elizabeth Gaskell and that’s just. Wrong. You’ve gotta at least read Wuthering Heights on its own terms before deciding that you hate it (not directed at anyone specific on here, but I do know people irl...). And you really ought to read it with an eye towards Emily’s faith. It makes a world of difference.

TL;DR- There’s a beautiful, very Christian center to Wuthering Heights and it’s one of forgiveness instead of revenge and kindness instead of cruelty. It’s a book about people who are destroyed by the sins of their fathers and those that manage not to be. In a way, it’s almost a fairytale.