#my mom wouldnt care unless it was something shes interested in too

[lunar-fey]

vent or whatever.

when y. when you dont get to eat dinner bc youre broke bc youre disabled and cant hold a job and your parents buy your food but they dont believe in things like "digestive disorders" or "dietary needs" so they basically tell you to either eat something that will make you sick or not eat at all bc they cant go to 3 different places to pick up food and skerples already cant eat the food everyone else eats (autism). and then they get mad at YOU when youre like okay. guess i will not eat then. because they are like ogh youre just being mean because you hate me stip trying to be special and eat it even though it makes you sick like the rest of us >:( like SORRY id rather not eat at all than eat something that will make me throw up. (me and dad have had extended arguments over this. he truly cannot understand this concept and thinks that everyone should eat things that they hate or that make them sick because its food and no one should ever be allowed to like. customize their food or get something else))

they did get me like some potatoes but 1. its like. 3 bites worth (none of us knew it would be that small) and it also tastes awful (i really didnt want to get anything but again they got really pissed at me for saying i just wouldnt eat then (not even like. in a passive agressive way i was just like. uhhh well i think im too sick to eat any of this. itll be fine) and looked like they were gonna cry about me not getting food. like idk but if you care that much about me eating then maybe stop picking the same 2 fast food places that you KNOW and have known for years that i cant eat at. maybe then you wouldnt have to feel bad or whatever. or maybe the real issue is just that you WANT to feel wronged by me + a refusal to accept that people can be sick for their whole lives bc you have been sick for your whole life but refuse to accept it. mom literally cant work and is on ssi bc of her disabilities but also disabilities arent real and no on has them and everyone can just try hard enough to overcome their symptoms. except her of course, because shes your wife. but fuck those kids tho. no matter how old they get they are still too young to have any type of medical problem, because kids are immune to medical problems and adults can simply will them away.)

anyway this time it was taco bell but also just because i want to get this off my chest too im adding it. normally they get like burgers and i can only tolerate mcdonalds burgers and bk to an extent (as far as wjats availble here. i knos everyone hates mcd burgers but they dont upset my stomach like everything else. idk why. they dont taste like a burger but whatever they do taste like is good to me. mostly i think they just taste like salt) and the sheer RAGE dad flies into every SINGLE time he asks what i want and i say i want a cheeseburger with no mustard. he LOOSES HIS SHIT. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE YELLS AT ME FOR IT. im like sorry man but if its got mustard im not gonna eat it. its disgusting. i dont want you to waste money on food im not going to eat. and he gets SO MAD. he doesnt WANT to save money; he wants me to be the perfect little military brat he tried to raise me as who never speaks unless spoken to or asks questions and does as hes told and eats disgusting slop and vomits and says thank you sir. can i please have more sir. and it AINT ME.

anyway if you wanted to know why im bad at starting conversations and you read this far uh. now you know. the ability to speak to someone else first got beaten out of me its not even anxiety i get so scared of getting introuble for starting a conversation that i black out and forget every single interest ive ever had. BUT if someone else starts for me im okay <3

[moralesmarkers]

i am steter trash so i wrote an au where stiles is a spark that lives in the forest because he killed his dad in an accident back when he was a kid and couldn't control his magic and his moms family was just made up of mages and he is the first one to actually be a born spark with loads of power so she raises him and teaches him everything she knows

and in this au sparks are being hunted and put down like animals so claudia builds a house in the forest with stiles where he can live and study magic on the land of their family and after she dies stiles moves there.

(and yes hes a lot older in this because it makes me antsy to write about eighteen year old stiles and adult peter. sorry. I'm a pussy okay.)

and stiles meets his gang! and scott is a dryad, lydia is a mermaid, jackson and danny are mermen (and jackson and danny are together by the way), i planned allison as a regular human that meets scott on a walk in the woods and falls in love with him later in the story because the hale fire storyline is still happening, and kira is an ancient kitsune who also lives in the forest and is good friends with stiles, and erica, boyd, isaac, liam, theo etc are not there yet but thats cause stiles is pretty alone.

he just minds his own business and takes care of the dryads and meets fairies (who live in the forest) and makes a deal with them that they'll stop screwing around with humans and stay in the forest and he'll protect them and take care of them because sparks are powerful and the fairies appreciate that instead of being afraid of him.

and stiles just does his thing for a couple of years until the fairies go a little bit too far and peter hale, who is stupidly a little too far in the forest on his patrol, gets caught in a storm they cause and gets lost in the woods, and he finds stiles' house and stiles takes him in and gives him dry clothes and then guards him back so peter won't get himself fairy'ed

and then a week passes and stiles is kind of anxious peters family will tell him to fuck off the woods (even though it's stiles' heritage to take care of the forest, the hales just live there) and then: the actual plot

a little apple dryad tells him scott found a dying fairy. this fairy apparently told scott in her dying breath something wolfish killed her, and stiles wrongly thinks peter and his family did that, and he goes to find scott to ask him about it, but scott is just gone. stiles can't find him and gets worried and checks his wards, and when he gets to the wards around the hale property, he meets laura. he asks her if she's seen scott, and she saw him going back into the forest, but stiles still can't find him.

laura leaves and stiles finds the ward to their territory broken, and it stinks like druid, so he figures it was this deaton guy because werewolves aren't sneaky like that.

stiles visits lydia (because he still can't find scott and lydia knows how to calm him down) and finds out jackson and danny saw a monster while making out under the surface of their lake and from then stiles knows that the hales have got nothing to do with this because what lydia describes Is Not a werewolf.

so he gets pissy, and then ultimately is enraged when he finds a dead stag this monster killed, and because he's pissy he visits the hales to tell talia he's rightfully going to kill their emissary for being a bitch and breaking his wards and letting some monster walk his territory.

and talia is all "what the fuck how do i not know you." and stiles is all internally "i see my darling peter kept his promises" and then he's internally like "wait fuck i'm not really in love with this guy am i" and then he's like "oh. OH."

and talia convinces him not to kill deaton because shes awesome and stiles grumpily agrees because... not agreeing would be a dick move and it would mean. War. Basically.

so the hales offer their help looking for scott and stiles finds this monster thing on his search and its a wendigo yay, and scott has been following this thing around for days now because he's a dumbass and wanted to help, and they bro out

and the hales and stiles kill this thing, which means magic action. and stiles is awesome. and everyone knows that now.

what follows is just steter get-to-know-eachother and the hale pack are the biggest wingmen (wingpeople) ever and there's fluff and magic and a lot of flowers because stiles is a person that can't for the life of him say the words "i love you" and gets incredibly anxious when people say "i love you" so he mostly displays his feelings for peter in hanakotoba, the traditional japanese flower language that kira taught him, and peter eventually catches onto that and they get together in a load of angst and fluff and they have sex. because of course they have loads of sex. bold of you to think peter can keep his hands off stiles for longer than a day and likewise.

and there is like a load of stiles/hale pack friendship dynamics because i love them all and then suddenly yeehaw. hale fire.

So paige has already happened in this timeline before stiles and peter met, and derek still meets kate and she does her scum thing and uses him. a bunch of hunters show up to the hale house, shoot them with wolfsbane bullets and gather them so they can burn together.

stiles wakes up in a rush because something bad is happening to his wolves but then his eyes fall closed again and he can't get out of bed for a solid time because someone freaking poisoned him and he's fevering and weak and everything is dizzy, but he forces himself up because something. bad. is happening. to his. wolves. he stumbles into his kitchen and almost dies right there and then, because the poison is wolfsbane and he feels like he got tons of it shoved down his throat by the person that poisoned him. his life starts flashing in front of his eyes and he fights back at it and vomits the wolfsbane out, believes it out of his system and when it's gone, he's just left raging.

because i hate kate, stiles loses control when he meets her at the hale house and kills her. he gets the pack and gets them out of the house, breaks the mountain ash circle and they leave. the hales can't go back to their house because the place is swarming with hunters

and peter and stiles figure out it was deaton who told kate everything she needed to know to set this trap and the mountain ash circle also stinks like druid, so deaton gets revealed as being the bad guy all along. stiles figures that he also poisoned him so he wouldnt interrupt, and that deaton wanted thalias alpha spark. the wendigo was a test and deaton put it there on purpose to see how strong stiles was and if he would care about the hales, because deaton knew stiles would feel the hunters killing them and ever since peter and stiles got together the druid knew he would have to murder him too to get the hales dead.

and stiles is just half feral in his wrath and the aftermath of the wolfsbane poisoning, and derek is sobbing and muttering about this being all his fault, and peter has two bullets stuck in his knees and has to be held up by his niece and his brother-in-law, and every one of them is shot and hurt and crying and talia does her best to comfort derek while shaking as well

and stiles just closes his eyes. takes a deep breath. and takes care of his family-in-law, because fuck if he isnt gonna marry peter after this. he takes them in, gives them clean and comfortable clothes, patches them up, lets them shower, yeets his living room so they have space for a big puppy pile, gives them food and water to drink and then draws a ward around his house that is strong enough deaton won't be able to find them unless he sells his soul to the king of hell.

when he's done with that, he locks the hales in and asks kira to take care of them and make sure they're okay while he's gone. she agrees and stiles goes and because he's angry and kind of more dark than i let slip until now so he just. slaughters the hunters that are left. and he enjoys it.

then he shows up to chris argents house, shocks the living hell out of allison because he's still covered in blood and ash, and goes talk to gerard, who is there for alibi purposes. he just flatly tells the truth and asks gerard how many times they've done this now. and the second the old man lets slip the hales weren't the first, stiles goes full Older Derek Hale Mode and slams him against a wall to threaten the living shit out of the man.

by threaten i mean he says that he'll kill him and there's nothing the guy can do about it, cause stiles will find him, no matter how far he runs. yknow bamf dark stiles shit. i am living for writing this scene right now bye

and then he looks at chris and allison. allison looks scared out of her mind and then she asks if thats true. if her family really did something like that. and chris has to look her square in the eye and tell her through gritted teeth that, altough he didnt know about this, yes, they did that to innocent people.

and stiles looks at chris and gives him a nod, because he knows the guy can get this right, he knows allison is strong and fierce and will be fine no matter what. he looks at gerard and sneers at him in disgust. then he leaves like the dramatic bitch he is, but not without ensuring chris will clean this mess up and make an alliance with talia.

he goes back to the house and the only one still awake is peter, and stiles breaks down completely, covered in blood from head to toe and scared out of his mind too. peter holds him, gently leads him into the shower, and helps him get cleaned up, washes his hair, picks out clothes for him, and they go to sleep together.

then, recovery. stiles organizes therapy for derek because lord knows the boy needs it, he nurses the hales healthy, shows them around in the house, they meet his friends, cora and lydia take a particularly special interest in each other, scott is sad because allison broke up with him but stiles visits the argents and talks to her a lot and they become friends too, and he knows scott will get over her eventually, just as she's getting over him.

and stiles shows the hales his life for a while until everyone is recovered, and then they go back to the hale house that he cleaned up already (because, uh, corpses had to be buried, floors had to be cleaned from blood and the smell of magic and mountain ash had to be erased)

and then peter proposes to stiles and they have a beautiful wedding by the lake where cora can talk to lydia, and derek ends up talking to scott quite a lot because scott is nervous and sweet and falls head over heels for the quiet werewolf, and guess who allison ends up with? nobody. because allison is fucking awesome and in the hunter business and she takes it upon her to start cleaning up the community and goes against hunters that are like her aunt just killing innocent people and a relationship with anybody would just be annoying. maybe she realizes she isnt even into relationships, i don't know that yet. aro ally would be interesting, dude.

And then in the end stiles goes to live with the hales and they mend their territory together so he can still visit his friends and he leaves the house to cora who eventually moves there as an adult so she can live with lydia. he and peter move out as well and they go back to town when stiles is ready, because he's lived so freaking long in the fear someone will hunt him down and kill him for his power, and now everything is peaceful. so he puts down his weapons, stops fighting, and lives happily ever after.

and has loads of sex with peter. just because.

#steter au #steter #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #peter hale #cora hale #cora x lydia #corydia? #cordia? #scerek #scott x derek #scott mccall #derek hale #aro allison argent #allison argent #talia hale #laura hale #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf au #somehow everyone is queer and/or a supernatural creature #well except ally she is queer but human #i love her bye

[numbaoneflaya]

You can count on me to pull up with a thousand of questions sbdhdh. A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ; A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ; A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ; A9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ;

A3.Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

Shawty got that stockholm syndrome in a way. She is…. Sometimes aware of it, though she wouldn't call it that any more. Maybe at first in the basement she was more aware, but now that she can come and go she thinks its a thing of the past. tries not to dwell on it. Kind of in a “well its literally not that bad its kind of fun its kind of romantic were just quirky <3” way, will get mad if someone insists she has stockholm or that the relationship is fucked. Will get enraged and upset on Vincent's behalf, probably cry and yell at you.

A22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I intended her to be fairly average, maybe kind of cute. It's generally the way she dresses/acts in public that draws attention, not her looks. I tend to make most of my ocs on the average scale besides a select few.

C5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

Good question…. Jillys morals are pretty simple- always be kind and nice, murder and hurting other people is bad, and you shouldnt lie. She sticks to those pretty strictly herself despite the situations she gets put in, often to her own detriment. But she doesn't always put a stop to those behaviors from the people she surrounds herself with, so she's sort of accomplice to bad acts of violence just by not snitching. So somewhat situational? She tries not to think about it.

D3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

Not comfortable! She hadn't seen a lot of it before her early twenties and was always sort of sheltered. dead fish are flushed down the toilet bcs they go to the ocean to live again, right? Thought cows and such all died of old age peacefully before they were made into burgers until she was like… twelve. 💀Won't kill mice and other critters despite her prey drive bcs she would feel too bad. And this is just for animal death, she's much more uncomfortable with human death. Also a thing she tries to ignore.

F3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

God no. She hates small spaces unless she's hiding in them and tiny homes have no room for all the shit she stashes! No room for zoomies, or climbing on the furniture, or wrestling around on the floor. It would be filled with junk within a week.

A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ;

A18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He's never had much to be jealous of, as he's never really been over involved in romantic relationships. They were usually mutually beneficial and somewhat clinical in nature. Hes also pretty sure of himself and his value as an asset and lover. If he finds someone who peaks his interest and they become an item though, he might get jealous if he catches them flirting with other people. Hell be peeved at first but know flirtation in business has its value, so to make himself feel better might flirt with someone else while they are nearby. Make a game of it, see who wins.

A23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

Appearances are crucial to him and spends a lot of time and money making sure he looks his best. He needs to appear above the rabble and impenetrable, dressing well and having immaculate posture and an air of both grace and otherworldliness.

B9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Definitely not one to find fart jokes funny. Very rarely laughs genuinely or full heartedly, he keeps all his expressions of emotion close to his chest. Sharp sardonic wit is appealing to him in the right circumstances, even a jab directed at himself can make him chuckle if it's well formed enough. Irony almost always gets him, even if its dark irony or gallows humor. Bit of a hard nut to crack. Would laugh enough that hed have to cover his mouth with his hand if he were to see Felix fall face first into mud, though. More often than not you can tell he finds something amusing by a gleam in his eyes and a slight squint.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Well he used to have a real moral code :/. Now I mean…. The ends justify the means. By any means necessary. He considers his family's needs first, then the good of the world, then any individual in the world. Has ordered executions of entire families, had babies stolen and sent away, sent armies to certain death knowing full well they would all die, commanded individuals be tortured for information, sacrificed many in what he considers to be a game of chess where he is the player and others are the pawns. He finds senseless violence and savagery to be unforgivable, but if violence has a sense and purpose to employ it, then he will do so.

H2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Nirn tends to be a very thoughtful and attentive person in general, just for the wrong reasons lmaoooo. But with a lover? He's going to be utilizing that to show them how much he cares and using his powers for good. Mention you like a certain fabric while shopping one time and then complain your favorite tunic has a wine stain in it several months later, he's going to be taking your measurements for a new one in your preferred material without a moment's notice. Very keen on picking up moods, expressions and tone. Also has a very good memory. He doesn't really think about it but gifts are how he shows his love. Also a great attentive listener.

A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ;

A5. Are they good at handling change in their life?

I would say so, yeah. Shes been used to things constantly changing since she was little and has had little to no control on outside influences. Shes also not one to over think about the past and lament, shes more of a one foot in front of the other, the only time is the present kind of gal. Of course large changes like becoming a warden were a bit more severe, but shes mostly able to think in the present as long as she has immediate problems to deal with.

B9.What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Slapstick is always gonna make her laugh as long as nobody gets seriously hurt, even if its her own ass tripping into a tree. Not a fan of scare pranks, 0/10 recommend trying to scare Thurwen. You will end up with a broken nose at best and an angry elf. Likes puns, but she's the one to groan at them and try and hide the grin spreading across her face. Gallows humor but only if its her in the gallows, otherwise doesn't find it funny at all. If a little kid calls someone a fartcicle she will be tears in the eyes giggling, which is hard when your warden commander and everyone looks toward you to be serious and mature gyshsdhdfsghsd.

C8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

She definitely holds herself to moral ideals and is very hard on herself, but has realistic moral expectations for others. She can understand self serving and people only wanting to survive and she will only give people a little bit of shit for it, no one's perfect. But then she expects herself to be perfect and berates herself constantly for not living up to the hero of ferelden warden commander ideals.

D1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

Atheist ever since her mom died when she was a kid, but now Shes in a weird mixed state ever since the urn of sacred ashes where shes like. fuck the maker, but Andraste is cool I guess. So respects/believes in the power of Andraste while thinking the maker is a piece of shit and the chantry sucks ass. Even she doesnt know what she really believes, but she did see the ghosts of Andrastes disciples and Shartan, used her ashes as healing salve, killed an old god, etc. So shes been in a weird place recently, crisis of faith/non faith pretty continual.

I5. Are they a good cook?

I mean…. She can cook basics. Shes been feeding herself and the alienage kids since she was old enough to walk so she knows how to get protein and make things edible. Does it taste good? Probably not. She didnt see her first spice till she was 17 years old, but she can skin a rabbit in seven seconds.

LA9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

She tries to excuse bad behavior of herself or others a lot, yeah fgdgdsfhdhs. Mostly she doesnt have to make excuses for herself because she can wholeheartedly be like “yeah i fucked up but whatever im sexy and large and awesome and everyone loves me 🙄whatever baby” and when other people fuck up shes pretty sympathetic even though they are not as large nor as sexy. Shes very used to forgiving and excusing herself its totally alien to her when she really fucks up and is suddenly like wait… valkya…. Did bad?? What is this feeling. Shame?? Guilt?? IMPOSSIBLE.

A13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

She hates those giant bugs in morrowind and valenwood a whole fucking lot but I wouldnt exactly place it as a phobia. Those huge mosquitoes and haorvers got no respect but she really hates the morrowind bugs ever since they knocked her over and jumped her while she was pants down peeing drunk as hell in the sand :/ never forgave. Never forgot.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

She was raised in a healthy household that tought the basics, prety much “harming others needlessly, stealing, torture, rape, dessecrating the dead, being selfish and not doing right by others, etc etc all basic bad things” are her morals. Her morality is basically treat others how you want to be treated. And if they treat you badly, then have fun beating the shit out of them to show everyone else not to fuck with you. Its a pretty nordic morality in that way. Her morality is also since she was ‘blessed’ with being so large and strong, that she has to also look out for the little guy who cant protect themselves. So If someone treats them how valkya wouldn't want to be treated, then beat the shit out of the person harming them to show them the little guys got backup. Her parents raised her to be a hero and thats p much how she sees herself, which has its benefits and its fuckin problems.

E8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

Fucking up Dem and Dariens relationship for sure dude :/ valkya always gonna be sulking over that one. She doesnt regret becoming a vestige, even though it would have made her so much happier not to be because it ended up saving so many people and the world. She regrets not spending more time with Naryu, regrets always having other life saving business she had to run off to, regrets not cherishing the time they had together. Regrets not telling Lyris how she feels, either. Regrets not being able to save as many people as she should have, regrets she wasnt stronger in coldharbor and didnt break out herself. But she tries not to think about it <3

G6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

When she was seven she once spent two months training to hold her breath underwater, because her cousin always held it longer and won the gold bet. She trained for hours almost drowning in the river until she could comfortably hold it for up to three minutes. During the next holiday when they all got together again the competitions were on and they both went under- her cousin won, holding their breath for four more minutes before they decided to come up. This was the first lesson she learned that shocked her world view- you always need to know your opponents capabilities. (after she lost 26 gold in the bets, her mother later had to inform her that her cousin was an argonian.)

#thank u beloved this was good to go thru while in class when i should have been paying attention gfhsdhds #valkya #jilly #nirn #thurwen #the ladies and the gilf #presented without evidence; valkya be stupit kinda :/ #HOW DO U DO URS SO FAST... SUPER POWERS

[mindthewitch]

Okay out of pocket and may be too soon to say but I think I'm getting better.

Heres a list of why I think that:

I'm opening up more

I'm actually able to contribute to convos on the spot(normally id have to think bc anxiety, and I still do if its someone important or an iffy topic)

Ive been happy since my last panic attack(which is like 2 weeks and its really weird)

Ive been more willing to get work done(but one day I was super tired and didnt do a thing which was also nice)

From above^, I didnt badger myself for not doing anything

I'm practicing self-appreciating humor

I'm trying to be more confident and tell myself that I deserve to be treated better

I'm not hiding my feelings as much(unless my feelings will directly hurt someone)

I'm not falling back on my trauma when things are hard anymore, im thinking about how much better things will be when I get through it

Confidence is my goal atm and then I'll move to healing(but theyre kind of one and the same)

I wasnt really able to be the kind of friend I wanted to be when i was sad(because I was too focused on my sadness) but im trying to help my friends more, be brighter with them, call them cute names, be there for them, because they deserve that and I havent given them what they deserve

On cute names^ , its really hard for me to call someone a cute name bc I dont want them to be uncomfortable but I'm saying to myself, "its a term of endearment, and I want them to know they are loved"

I am liking my body and myself more(which is SUPER weird bc I hate myself) and im trying to do right by myself by eating better and not wallowing in my own self pity(I'm on the chunky side and I would like not to be)

Though it still needs work, I'm more confident in my ability to have a (romantic) partner, although im not good at long distance or anything so I wouldnt be able to keep it up

^^^^I'm also working on taking initiative and texting people first, starting conversations, making (jokes) icebrakers, being more interactive in classes, taking risks

Talking to people I like(am comfortable with) and avoiding people I dont like(those who make me uncomfortable, I just think theyre rude, or I think they dont like me)

I'm actually interested in learning again

I'm still struggling with motivation but im making movements to change that

I'm listening to some happier music(I LOVE sad songs and rock and everything but I never really had any music to suit a happy mood and now I do, but that rock shit still makes me happy)

I'm trying to get around assuming that people dont care, such as with this post. I'm posting it to get it off my chest and "I know no one cares, but why should I care? Its my blog." Thats what I'm saying.

I'm trying to step away from bad habits

I'm trying to grant myself fun where I can

I'm still struggling with the juggling of life but I'm going with the flow a bit more

I'm trying to get less annoyed at the little things

I'm exploring more of the media that makes me happy

I am actively seeking out methods of making myself happy; researching faith, ways of coping, meditation, grounding, nature(and natural remedies), just being in the moment, taking that time to just stand there( I did this recently: I had just come out of barnes and noble where I made a purchase I quite enjoyed(see the leaning ladies), I had a London fog latte, and I was just standing in the rain talking to my mom and laughing)

I am telling my mom more things, seeking out her advice and help rather than trying to do it myself so I'm not a burden bc she has told me she gets annoyed when im ALWAYS sad.(but sometimes I think shes annoyed when im happy and shes not too)

I'm being more vocal about who I am, what I like, who I like, why I do or dont like something(of course only with people who want to hear it, I'm not just spouting shit, although that may seem like its not the case bc of this post haha)

#anyways #rant #im sorry #and thank you for reading #im thankful for everyone in my life whos willing to listen to me bc i know im annoying😂 #im talking about you too #the one person i know in-person and not on lé hellsite #thank you dear #and honestly tumblr has been a big help #i only started to get better once i got on here #there are so many different people and its just a great environment #and i love all 60 of my followers for putting up with my nonsense #self help #self healing #confidence #boosting #myself #taking care of myself #wow self love cringe #i always cringe when i compliment myself #anywho #thank you and i hope this can help someone

[windupnamazu]

💋 What traits do they like in other people? What traits do they not like? + 🎪 What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? (for lunya and whoever else you'd like!)

[OC QUESTIONS - accepting!] [answered]

i answered these for my arr wol quartet!!! 

💋: lunya looks for compassion and empathy in other people first, and not just through big acts like donating to an orphanage - are they willing to give up small things like taking less food at dinner so others can eat more? how well can they read others’ hurt? are they willing to apologize first? is it something they do naturally or because they want to be kind, or is it because they just want to look good in front of others? acting out of your own self-interest is the worst possible thing you could do when you meet her for the first time, and it’ll soil her impression of you from the get-go. she also cant stand people who hoard their wealth, or think that being born into money means they’re worth more than others

shes also fascinated by people who are knowledgable and passionate about their interests, and gets along well with anyone willing to share stories with her or has a friendly, competitive spirit that can drive them both forward.   

🎪: shes actually the person who sits at a table waiting with everyones bags and pays for everyones overpriced gift shop souvenirs sdnsnfdnds if she had to go on a ride she would love ferris wheels (they make her feel tall!) 

lunya is more of a carnival games girl i think! shes the kind of person who would somehow beat a rigged game and walk away with a giant plushie she’d have to carry around for the rest of the day. she’d also be one of those people at a test of strength who would break the bell.

my other three kids below the cut!!

💋: majj is used to being left behind, so he really appreciates people who are patient with his clinginess and can regularly express affection for him. he doesnt talk about it often but he really values people who are more level-headed than he is, because he knows hes too impulsive and wild, and he also knows it wouldnt work too well if he was with someone too similar to him.

he has issues with gridania as a whole and wouldnt date anyone from the citystate, and would probably not get along with gridanians in general unless they explicitly say they dont approve of its traditions either.

🎪: he would love love love drop towers and pendulum rides and rollercoasters with REALLY steep drops! the boy just lives on the edge and genuinely thinks he has nine lives to spare. he’s horrible at carnival games and they’d have to put a ban on him after almost taking someone’s eye out with a dart

💋: nyneve… is the kind of person who would fall in “love” with anyone who is remotely nice to her. or just anyone, in general, considering her most infamous pursuit was estinien. if she actually put thought into what she wants from a partner instead of chasing down every attractive guy she sees, she would want someone who appreciates and can keep up with all her eccentricities. she doesnt want to date anyone who doesnt have a spark to match hers. 

🎪: nyneve would go on EVERY RIDE, even the baby ones, and she would love every single one. she and majj would line up for kart races with a bunch of kids and they’d squabble over who won for an hour, even if the answer is “neither of them.” she would probably have a soft spot for carousels though, cause theyre very romantic and cute.

💋: theo wants a BIG, STRONG HUSBAND who can LIFT LIVESTOCK and also recite 24-stanza love poems to him and knit baby socks. hes the team mom and likes taking care of others, but hes old enough to be a Functioning Adult who can take care of himself and would want to be with someone who is the same. he wouldnt want to be smothered or be with anyone who sees his gentle nature as some kind of weakness.

🎪: theo likes... the chew chew train at disneyland? oh god wait i just looked it up and they got rid of it, i change my mind, he likes the winnie the pooh ride now (thats probably still around right???) hes too old and delicate to enjoy anything faster than that sdnndfsnfsd but the others could force him to go on the scary rollercoasters with them and the whole time his face would be like this

#gabi-hiyas #OH GOD THIS TOOK SO LONG ADFNNNNGFGNGFNHG #thank you elie!!! i love my children #mogmail #oc: lunya #oc: majj #oc: nyneve #oc: theodaux #dramatis personae #lunya lore #oc questions

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

#journal shit #christmas is family time right????

[arundolyn]

Feel free to hate me for this, but everything for Blazblue. I imagine you rb'd it for a reason?

i rb’d it cause i am Always Salty and it looked interesting tbh

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

taorag cause tao is baby

ragna/rachel cause rachel looks 12 and people are into it sexually + she treats him like garbage and its one sided

kagunoel is creepy

bang/litchi is weird cause bang is not really equipped for that kinda relationship with her esp cause of the stuff with roy and she wouldnt like. get over him that easily

kokonoe/kagura also cause like. “a woman wants to speak to you” “IS SHE HOT” kokonoe: hi kagura: never mind speaks for itself + so does “pay attention to who youre talking to before laying down your game” or whatever to that effect kokonoe says when she beats him even if its noncanon some win quotes are at least vaguely accurate sometimes

kaguhibi is Hm cause a) they might be related and b) hibiki only tolerates kagura

ragjin and ragnu and celirag and ragnoel etc etc etc cause theyre related you nasties

basically mori has a cast of 32+ (excluding mu izayoi and the kids) characters and barely anything is shippable and CERTAINLY not anything m/f cause its either weird or theres no chemistry

Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

makoto/kagura if thats even popular. she doesnt really like him like that anymore like she is Tired of him romantically

Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

not that i can remember but probably. i dont think ive ever followed any ragjins besides like. one. but if anyone it would be a ragjin

Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

ragna/rachel, ragjin, ragnu, and kagunoel are all equally all horrible to me

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

i dont think so

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

uhhh i think not. i never really ship much and nobody really convinces me to ship anything. i either am indifferent or dont like it unless i ship it already

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

how people baby hibiki as if hes not a grown ass man and also an assassin and also reduce ragna purely to anger and being stupid when he’s actually fairly intelligent (ive literally been told i wrote him too smart) and emotionally complex

Have you received anon hate? What about?

MY PALETTES FOR SOME REASON?

Most disliked character(s)? Why?

rachel cause shes just kinda garbage pedobait, plat for the same reason but to a lesser degree cause she at least doesnt say weird ACTUAL BDSM SHIT but i can actually like. tolerate her unlike rachel. nu for ever conceivable reason possible. terumi is just a bastard man im legally obligated to hate him. susan is incredibly overrated

Most disliked arc? Why?

MU BEING SEPARATE FROM NOEL IN CF THAT WAS SO DUMB NOEL LITERALLY JUST ACCEPTED MU AS PART OF HERSELF AND NOW SHES SCARED OF THE POWER SHE JUST RECLAIMED TO PROTECT HER FRIENDS? FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT. also everyone losing their memories in the embryo to cause unnecessary conflict AND everyone wanting to kill noel to cause even more unnecessary conflict cause mori obviously wouldnt let his fuckin waifu die so the tension is dead from the start

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

people tend to think celica and noel are really annoying i guess and like. idk i like them

Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

fsr people hate celica being the sister that raised ragna and co but like. it doesnt bother me. i dont care about celirag. its weird to me cause thats his mom and nobodys gonna change my opinion on that tbh

Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

plat and mu could really wear more clothes honestly

Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

it is GARBAGE. at least the eng fandom is. i know this opinion is shared by my friends but like. im sure it isnt by the freakos who draw porn of rachel so like. yeah

Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

translate your fucking novels mori and also the anime sucks

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

i know this is like. not made for games but in the anime id change that weird scene that totally deviates from canon where ragna agrees to destroy everything with nu or whatever? garbage. id also change nu being alive in cf cause she doesnt need to be and it wouldnt affect ragnas lifelink cause they didnt die at the same time so shed just be in the boundary cause like. im sure he’s almost died before when he was fighting and she wasnt smelted yet PLUS people keep pulling her soul out of the boundary like its nothing so. yeah. also the scene where ragna goes black beast for no reason just so the embryo has a purpose. i would change a lot

Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

instead of brotherly paradise getting TWO EXTENSIONS id extend the gag reel where kokonoe and relius bodyswap people instead of ragna deciding to save nu which makes little sense i would simply make him agree with hakumen and let him beat her to death. rip to mori and his waifus but im different

Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

not necessarily some ships just fuckin suck lmao

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

the fixation on the female anatomy in the game and fandom is so tiring. esp transphobic jokes about mai

What is the purest ship in the fandom?

tsubaki/noel/makoto tbh

What are your thoughts on crack ships?

i jokingly brought up kagura/mustang fma so like. fuckin go for it its all in good fun

Popular character you hate?

SUSAN

Unpopular character you love?

kagura.....................

Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

yes because im fixated on it but no because its a mess u feel

How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

RAGNA DOESN’T DIE AND NU DOESN’T LIVE

Most shippable character?

kagura is the bi-est. makoto is a close second i think

Least shippable character?

rachel looks 12 and people want her to fuck. kokorach is the only valid ship cause theyre both old and tired of everyone so they can bitch about everyone together

#man i am salty. #broken clover #ouija board

[touzokukana]

Errare human est Pt.2 (Reupload)

Pt.1 here

This is just a reupload from my side blog @havingfunwriting. 

Hello my loves! Here is a second part to the Ignis x reader! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

Your next days were as normal as they could get. You simply lived your life, you walked BJ, played with him. When you came to the park again, the one where you had met Ignis a few days ago, you occasionally remembered him. Sometimes you would pass his bench and wonder if he‘d come here again some day, but usually you didn‘t bother much. It‘s not uncommon to meet a person and to not see them ever again, you told yourself.

Boy, were you wrong with that…

A week after your encounter with Ignis, you were out in the same park with BJ again, two suspicious looking boys, one with messy blond hair, the other with raven-black hair, piqued your interest. Or rather BJ‘s. Curiously wagging his tail, he started to head in their general direction.

“BJ, stop.“ you murmured to your dog.

“Leave them be.“ BJ seemed to think about your words for a second, then decided that you were probably right and followed you to the nearest bench.

Meanwhile, the boys seemed to be hiding from someone in the greens of the park, loudly shushing each other, probably so they wouldn‘t be noticed by others. Well, they horribly failed. You didn‘t know what or who they were hiding from, but being a curious being, you stayed to watch.

You signaled BJ to sit in front of you. While pulling out a bag of doggy treats to award your good boy, you looked up and froze.

The two boys had gone into full hiding as a person approached. BJ nudged your hand, still expecting his treat, but you ignored him. Your eyes were still locked on the approaching person.

Could it really be him?

The bespectacled man with the ash blond hair moved through the park aggravatedly, seeming to be intensely searching for someone. You could only guess who he was looking for. Having sympathy for the two boys, you considered calling out to Ignis, you knew his name after all, but BJ took care of your problem for you. He loudly barked. Once. Then twice.

That got Ignis‘ attention. His head turned, searching for the source of the loud noise. Emerald eyes met your own as they lit up in recognition. BJ jumped up and wagged his tail in excitement, remembering the man who had more or less kindly given him some of his lunch the last time. You watched Ignis as he stood still for a second, his gaze elsewhere, hand running through his fringe, probably debating whether he should give up his search and let himself be distracted. His decision was clear when he started walking towards you.

Your eyes quickly darted to the boy‘s hiding spot. They had happily accepted the distraction as their opportunity to flee in the opposite direction. The blond haired boy caught your gaze and gave you a flashing smile and a thumbs up before he followed his raven haired friend away from the danger that seemed to be Ignis Scientia.

In the meantime, BJ had freed his leash from your hand and had started running towards the ash blond-haired man. The look on Ignis‘ face was hilarious, he actually thought your dog was so untrained that he‘d tackle Ignis to the ground, having more than just the necessary strength to do so. But BJ, being the sunshine he was, stopped a few feet in front of the man and motioned for Ignis to pet him. Looking relieved, Ignis crouched down to ruffle BJ‘s fur.

You were impressed. Not many people knew that this was the safe way to approach dogs, most just bent over and hovered over the four-legged creatures, making them think they were threatening them.

When he got back up again, he smiled at you. You returned the smile and got up to greet him properly.

“Hey, Ignis.“ you greeted, coming to a stop in front of him.

“(Y/n), what a nice surprise to see you again.“ You motioned for him to follow you to the bench you had been sitting on before. He obliged, BJ tagging along with the both of you.

“I must say,“ you said, „I‘m impressed. When did you learn how to act in front of dogs?“ Ignis chuckled.

“You must know, I have a friend who used to bring home strays more often than I would‘ve liked, but as I couldn‘t change the fact that he did, I researched them, fascinating creatures…And it‘s always very pleasing to learn new things, you never know when you might need them. The possibilities to use knowledge well are endless!“ He answered truthfully, barely trying to hide his excitement about learning new things, his right index finger raised as if he was giving you a lecture. When he noticed what he had done, he quickly dropped his finger and put his hands in his lap.

You didn‘t notice that though, you were way too busy admiring his words and his enthusiasm. It was so rare that you met someone who would like to learn and be knowledgeable.

He noticed your awe and suddenly seemed to be a bit uncomfortable, so he reached out for BJ to run his hand over BJ‘s golden fur once more, his other hand moved to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“That‘s nice to hear.“ you said after a while.

“By the way-“ you started. „Where you looking for someone before? You quite looked like it.“ He sighed. Had you hit a sore spot?

“I‘ve been looking for this friend of mine, the one who brought the strays with him, we had an important meeting and he didn‘t show up. But having missed it now anyway, I don‘t mind staying here a bit longer. Unless-“

“No, no, stay.“ You answered instantly, cutting him off in the process, feeling bad he thought you wanted him gone.

“So, tell me something about yourself.“ he said. „Maybe a little anecdote of your life?“

“Hm…“ you thought loudly, scanning your brain for something fun to tell the man who was looking at you expectantly.

“You know, I once cooked with my sister, and our mother didn‘t really want that, but she let us be. We, afraid ofher wrath, tried to be super careful, but we burned some frozen spinach at the bottom of the pot. We panicked and quickly cleaned it up, so our mother wouldnt notice we had messed up, it wasn‘t even badly messed up, but we didn‘t want to be ‚told you so‘d. A week later I noticed my mom had burned spinach as well, she basically always burned it, so when I told my sister a few months later, she burst out in laughter., telling me that she had never scrubbed anything faster than that pot.“ When you had finished your story, Ignis laughed. His deep voice echoed through the park, you chimed in with him shortly after.

When he had calmed down, subty wiping a tear of laughter away, he started to tell you one of his anecdotes.

“My friend once visited another country, and he was served the most delicious dessert there. He‘d like to eat it again, but he can‘t remember the ingredients, so I‘ve been trying to recreate it for quite some time. I have failed him so far, but I am determined to recreate it correctly one day.“

This turned out to be the second thing you had learned about him that day. One more thing you already admired, one more thing you already respected him for.

“This friend must really mean a lot to you…“ you said quietly, nervously putting a strand of hair behind your ear, somehow intimidated by him now. Ignis nodded, turning to face you. He took a quick look on his phone and his face dropped.

“Ah, my time is up, I‘m afraid. I have a meeting to attend to…But it really was lovely to talk to you again, (Y/n).“ He quickly (and elegantly!) opened his bag and took out a small card.

“Feel free to text any time you‘d like.“ he adds while giving his card to you.

‘Ignis Scientia, Royal Advisor to the Prince of Lucis‘ it read.

“I will.“ you responded, waving him goodbye as he was already getting up.

“Until we meet again.“ He reached into his bag once more and threw something that looked like the leftovers of a sandwich in BJ‘s general direction. The dog who had been still the entire conversation happily caught it.

“I feel like having you on my good side is a necessity.“ He said to your dog, chuckling.

After this, he turned and made his way out of the park as he had done the last time you had met. It was then that you recognized that it had been the same bench he had sat on the last time.

“You are a lucky one, do you know that?“ you playfully patted BJ on the head. He nudged your hand in response, his eyes gleaming knowingly.

Your eyes found the small card again.

‘Ignis Scientia, Royal Advisor to the Prince of Lucis‘ and beneath it a phone number. Your eyes widened in shock as you read it again. ‚Advisor to the Prince of Lucis“. Advisor?! PRINCE OF LUCIS?! And you had just told him a story about spinach…you suddenly felt very unsure of yourself.  Should you really text him? He as Royal Advisor had probably better things to do than listen to you and your spinach…

On the other hand, he had asked you for anecdotes, after all. And he had asked you to text him. Kind of.

Well, you thought, it‘s his own fault. He asked for it.

And with that thought you went home, determined to text Ignis Scientia, Royal Advisor.

#ffxv #ignis x reader #ignis scientia #my writing #dog #ffxv ignis #stupid anecdote

[archived--hell]

1, 2, 17, honestly all of them if you’re up to it

1 - already answered 

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

L O R D T jupiter fuck man got damn id die for jupiter 

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i have adopted characters before, but ive never done anything with them, and i have received characters Back from people but besides that nah

4. A character you rarely talk about?

HI PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ASK ABOUT THE GODS PLE AS E IM DYING

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

fuck uh.. honestly if its only semi popular would i do this bc being Well Known would be nice, yeah, but.. it scares me? idk but uh probably leo or aero, theyre two boys i hold close to my heart

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

:) eldur and leo kinda? idk i try not to make any of them look alike rip

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

YES! theyre actually all part of one universe called cooking with demons! i have a whole game planned out for the man cast kinda? but all in all its all set within one universe, with multiple different stories occurring within it jhfdksg

8 - already answered

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

unless specfifically made for them upon request, no. ive already tried that once and it lead to me losing any and all control i had over my characters. At this moment, i only “share” a few ocs with my boyfriend @coffee-burglar and even then, its taken almost a year to even be able to do that

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

uh, all of them are kinda complicated for me, but as of right now, that would go to leos full form. (if u want a ref hmu and ill post it, but it wont be my art)

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

like a ray of sunshine? yeah! angel and stitch would fit perfectly for that!

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

@coffee-burglar their oc chrome n koh,  or derek but thats bc im a hoe

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

aero, jhor, innis, leo are all trouble makers to some degree, leo being the most trouble some

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

uhhhh fuck what counts as tragic?

i guess id have to say leo or jupiter mostly, but eldur fits too

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

if youd let me i would yell about these fucks for hours on end, ive done it

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

the best but wouldnt enjoy it: Jupiterthe best and would absolutely enjoy it: colby

17. Any OC OTPs?

stitch/lavaaero/kohcolby/derek/inniswill/happiness aeyr/Eberictderek/Xhaztolleo/eldur

18. Any OC crackships?

jhfkdfsjghdfkjhgdkfjsgl i never talk abt it but will/aero is fucking A+

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

ah,, leo. i originally made him to project the worst in myself onto, and because of that ive made his life a living shit hole. but,, recently ive been hell bent on giving him a good ending, one where he heals, and lives his life ok, where he finally, finally has a chance to be happy and get help. its,, kind of been a tiny growing point for me? he just, means a lot to me because of that haha

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

uhhh all of their voice claims are songs n such but only a few of them actually sing in canon! heres the voice claims of the ones who do sing:

Aero - thats his voice, but hed probably more likely to sing Something Like ThisAngelStitch - this is her voice! but shed be much more likely to sing something a lot more upbeat, kind of like thisColby (its jeremy from bmc jghfdkg)

and one i dont have a voice claim for yet that does sing canonically is Sycamore! 

21. Your most artistic OC

!!!! oh thatd easily be will! hes nothing professional at all, but he does enjoy drawing and making diy type projects :0c hazels also artistic but with food :0c but what would you expect from a kitchen witch

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Hi My Names Skinny Penis And No One Has Ever Even Looked At My Ocs For More Than Two Seconds

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

lordt all of them would fit that, but the one thats changed the most? lordy thatd probably be will! he used to be a persona that was mostly only interested in dying and getting fucked, but now hes? evolved into a fully fledged character, and has even changed from being human lmao

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

jupiter, simply because he is The Biggest Comfort i have. hes,,, really important to me and i love him a lot

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

:) its bold of you to assume they dont all resemble me in some way. the most though? damian. lazy motherfucker with 200 emotional issues and no motivation to fix any of them

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

…yeah.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Nope, most tend to be born from ideas spawned by me n my bf concepting about my ocs, and what would happen if this thing happened? yknow?

28. Your most dangerous OC?

He has yet to be revealed >:)c his names icarus

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

INNIS, GOD INNIS WOULD AND HED PROBABLY DIE

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

secret: damiannot so secret: colby

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

uHHhhHh 

damian would probably have a very shitty coded blog theme (or default) and would genuinely only reblog shitty, abstract memes, and nice food recipes for hazel to make him

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

protagonist? if youre going for the scared baby, colby. if ur going for the stoic “thats weird but ok” one, innis or aero.antagonist tho???? Leo and angelica :)

33. Your shyest OC?

uh, a oc thats genuinely shy and not just anxiety filled? angel :0c shes had a very limited interaction pool with anything thats not other angels so she tends to shy away from others bc she really, really doesnt want to get into awkward situations

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Jupiter and leo!

35. Any sibling characters?

Jupiter, leo, angelica, damian, eldur

jupiter, leo, damian, and angelica are all related via their dad, while eldur is related to damian via their mom

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

uhh if im understanding this question right yeah i do! derek, koh, n a lot of others belong to @coffee-burglar ! ive just roped them into my universe dkjfhkdjgh

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Op All Of My Characters Are Inhuman

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

surprisingly? aero! hes got really good rhythm and can actually dance really well, its kinda scary

39. Introduce any character you want

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ill let yall have a choice, pick one

1.) Lust2.) Greed

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

fond?? uh,, not really. but damian does have a very important memory attached to him.

tw for suicide ment hjgkdfs

with damian, i created him after i tried to kill myself and was stuck in a mental hospital. i had just finished reaing the first shadowhunters book, and decided to try and draw the first demon(???? was that what he was?? im a dumbass and its been over 2 years) you met, which had bright blue hair and if i remember correctly, electric green eyes? but yeah. i made him to cope with all the mental stress i had while being forced to be in that hospital, and hes become very close to my heart because of that

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

!!!!!!!!! yeah!!! my boyfriends drawn damian and most of my characters bgjkfdhgkfdsgl but one i do hold close to my heart (bc at the time, i barely knew them) was when @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone drew aeyr! it made me really happy tbh. i still have it saved to my phone actually!!!

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

uhhhh,,, provided that they found a way to get anything involving earth and their beliefs itd probably be either angel or colby. angel enjoys learning anything and everything she can, while colby enjoys hearing about the Tea™ that comes with greek shit

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

lordt ok

i really just? enjoy making demons really, or anything that doesnt quite fit “conveniently attractive” in at least one form they have. (i also favor making guys bc im Gay)

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

how well theyre coming together, for so long, their stories have been little fractures and pieces that never fit together. Fragments. but now, theyre almost fully put together and its… wonderful to see

45. A character you no longer use?

a hi have.. one. their name was angel aura, a steven universe oc. i got rid of them because of too many.. bad things.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

not directly, but yes. it.. actually helped me give a lot of them a ok life, or at least a good ending

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

@coffee-burglar eldur, colby, will n a few others lmao

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

ELDUR GOD ELDUR PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS KID BACK TO HIS MOM

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

damian

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

ghjkfgkfdhgklfjhglkjdfhgslfjdgh give me a actual thing to talk about bc im dying op

#general oc tag #Anonymous

[lucozdes-blog]

finally !! here’s the intro guides to my children !! blease....plot with me. 

(lee taeyong, he/him, bisexual)  HEY, ISN'T THAT  [KIM JEONGMIN]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-THREE] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [SOUTH KOREA]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [FASHION DESIGN] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM  NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, twenty, she/her, pst)

jeongmin is a fashionista, from designing original pieces to styling. 

his current aesthetic: goth street looks. think seoul fashion week. 

he loves nothing more than styling his friends or anyone who asks for help; he works within your budget and closet. he knows how and where to find deals and just overall very resourceful. 

he’s all for the environment too, the studio is filled with a variety of recyclable bin from plastic to old garments. 

he works as a part time visual for a retail store, it’s only a couple hours three mornings a week when he doesn’t have class, it’s good to have some sort of income. plus they pay him well considering his major and eye for new campaigns. 

he’s the guy with a variety of hook up numbers on his phone, never by name but with an emoji and number next to it. he’s a hoe (no jk i love him) and finds validation with the amount of people he sleeps with honestly it’s sad i don’t think he’s ever been in a genuine relationship. it’s just angst n heartbreak so he’d rather just sleep with ppl. 

anyways, his goal? design for the met gala and BE IN the met gala to show all those celebrities how it’s TRULY done. 

hic current look: taeyong in the chain mv. 

(nam joohyuk, he/him, bisexual)  HEY, ISN'T THAT  [MOON HANJAE]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-FOUR] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [SOUTH KOREA]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [PERFORMANCE] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM  NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, twenty, she/her, pst)

my son whomst i BIRTHED 

part of the fuccboi squad...SHOUT OUT..shout out..aahhhh..was popping ooooo

he’s obnoxious and loud and dramatic and YET people love him thank you very much. doesn’t know when to stop honestly someone kick his ass. 

he’s been to school everywhere, studying abroad for high school, doing a year in england, a year at julliard and finally amsterdam, i’m just going to say he’s been here for 3 years and he’s going to graduate next semester. 

he’s a performance/composition major and the LEAD of the orchestra because he’s just that talented that vivaldi is shaking in his grave. a prodigy if you will because it’s not the only instrument he can play but his favorite. 

he comes from a home of socialites back in busan, his family dabbles in the arts. his family also decided his fate: arranged marriage. it’s a secret though, only haebin and haneul know about it. 

cue why he’s part of the squad, he went through people so fast, indulging himself in variety knowing that after he graduates he’ll be tied down and he hates the very idea of it. which is why he’s an ass and wont accept that he maybe really likes misun more than a hook-up, also the reason why he’s BEEN OUT OF THE GAME that the lads are noticing lmao 

anyways he’s a disaster but he loves his friends so much he just wants to Protecc

(kwon jiyong, he/him, bisexual)  HEY, ISN'T THAT [AHN DAEHYUN], THE [TWENTY-FIVE] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [SOUTH KOREA]? YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [ENT. BUSINESS] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM  NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, 20, she/her, pst)

he is the mom friend probably idk he’s always dd when the lads go out and does a run down of who’s where and if they’re ok before calling it a night when they go out 

he doesn’t party often, it’s honestly rare for him to go ALL OUT unless he knows he can handle it and he’s with minji who knows about his chronic fatigue syndrome 

it’s back and forth, getting rest doesn’t help him at all and so he’s taken up dancing as a hobby again, just one class where he can a good amount of exercise without stressing himself too much when he has too much on his plate

he’s all good now though, it’s part of him but it wasn’t as bad as when he used to be a trainee; daehyun was gonna become an idol if it weren’t for his health issues.

he moved to cali for a while to go to school there and check out an american industry but decided that entertainment business might be better for him, less stressful and he gets to manage and help people who wish to be part of it. 

anyways he sounds like a monotone dad when he texts but in person he’s more into conversations, a good time, and he really loves the lads. 

he’s also lowkey dating taemin’s sister but no one knows that lol.

(kim minseok, he/him, homosexual)  HEY, ISN'T THAT [CHOI JISOO], THE [TWENTY-THREE] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [THE US]? YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [PERFORMANCE] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM  NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, 20, she/her, pst)

BOY, JISOO PROBABLY IS MY ONLY CHAR WITH A WILDT BACKGROUND

he’s from san francisco, ca. comes from a wealthy family, his dad was the ceo and founder of a large company ( dont ask me abt what yet tbh i’m thinking about it ); however the company only became big because they launder money. maybe deal with extortion but you know. 

jisoo had it all though, he had the luxuries, he had the city, the parties, everything. only child, he was next in line to take over and actually? he didn’t mind at all if he kept living the way he was, and bonus points? his dad didn’t give a fuck about his sexuality. it was a dream. 

until his crazy ass mom destroyed everything. she killed his dad but was found innocent in court because she bought the judge, and the jury? all hired by her. he was in that very courtroom when she was found innocent and before he knew it, he was being dragged out by his dad’s old lawyer and best friend. he needed to get out of there fast. 

jisoo is the only one who’s allowed to touch his inheritance, his dad made it very clear that everything was to go to him. his mother still had a joint account and she still has enough to live off until she’s dying from old age but her new boy toy, 10 years younger than her kinda wants the company. 

jisoo knows his mom killed his dad, he doesn’t have the evidence but he’s going to bring her down through the law or without the law because she took everything from him and he’s still reeling over it, he still has nightmares of finding his dad’s body. 

and also, choi jisoo is an alias. no one knows his real name. (lol not even me, i’ll get back to you on that). 

he’s in witness protection right now, undercover as a student from florida. he figured he might as well take some fun classes aka acting, dance, and studio arts. he doesn’t care for it knowing his life is set out but might as well. 

(kim namjoon, he/him, bisexual)  HEY, ISN'T THAT  [ZANDER YU]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-FOUR] YEAR OLD [CISMALE] FROM [THE US]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [PHOTOGRAPHY] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM  NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, 20, she/her, pst)

well, well, well if it isn’t the jack kerouac wanna-be. jk. he’s really not a bad person. maybe.

zander is a photographer, never staying in one place too long. he actually just arrived from mexico city and amsterdam is going to be the place he finishes his second degree. 

he’s basically that indie boy from all the coming-of-age films, an enigma if you will. simply because they way he presents himself is charming, fun, friendly. he’s the type of guy you get a crush on just because of how attentive he is, how he makes you feel so interesting, how he looks at you and touches you. and he knows it. 

he can read people’s emotions, he knows exactly how someone will feel before they feel it simply because of logic and tactic. 

he’s incredibly smart, pretentious even but that’s part of the charm. he talks about music, books, movies. his travels. he makes people fall for him because it’s fun, it sends a rush through him knowing someone is willing to do anything for him and then...he’s gone. because he can’t do the same for you, he doesn’t feel anything for anyone. he likes the concept of being with someone, idolizing them and then leaving them and he does it in a way that you can’t really point your finger at him and blame him. 

he’s really good at pretending to be someone he’s not tbh. like i want to emphasize that because i want to play him in a way that you really fall for it you know. anyways YEAH. 

(josefine frida pettersen, she/her, pansexual)  HEY, ISN'T THAT  [LEONIE SCHÄFER]? YEAH, THE [TWENTY-ONE] YEAR OLD [CISFEMALE] FROM [GERMANY]! YEAH, I HEARD THEY'RE THE [SOCIOLOGY] STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF AMSTERDAM  NOW! LET'S HOPE THEIR STAY HERE IS AN ADVENTUROUS ONE! (dani, twenty, she/her, pst)

remember what i said abt a drunk josefine fc who ends up ranting abt how toxic capitalism is and why communism isn’t the answer like all those tumblr folk like to say? WELL HERE SHE IS 

she’s not a drunk lmao but if she’s at family dinners with the conservative side of her family, she GOES OFF she probably wouldnt go off at parties here unless she bumped into some asshole who wanted to mansplain something to her or whatever 

she’s no poli-sci major, she takes a class but it’s only for her to get educated and accumulate more knowledge to back her up in her actual major and just to be prepared for arguments 

i hate to say this bc wow cliche ! but....definitely noora vibes akhkjh i’m SORRY 

she really enjoys going to the weed cafes though, catch her in there with a book just enjoying her free time 

she has an accent !! considering english is her third language and french is secondl german obviously being the first. it’s cute rlly i was watching accent videos akljdhfj

still shes fluent in all three because it’s leonie why not 

her aesthetic would probably be better described by donna tartt but i’ll give it a go: cigarettes in her own special metallic case, long coats, boots, very formal/casual, billie holiday records, period drama movies as well as empowering movies, beige/dark browns and black, the smell of coffee beans, aesthetic instagram 

anyways uhh idk what else to add tbh if i think of anything i’ll mention it in the hc server on discord aklsjhdk

#tbt for newheros. #asjhdkjh idk what to tag it yet so !

[tumblunni]

AWW C’MON FFXIV

one of the biggest barriers to me getting back into it is just how SLOW the beginning is when you don’t have any friends to help you out like it legit took me a whole week of constant grinding just to reach level 15! FIFTEEN! IUts really fuckin slow even by usual mmo standards! and like.. all that slow is supplimented by huge amounts of quests and story and being required to do that main story in order to access goddamn ANYTHING, such as (for example) the additional hairstyle customization options you get at level 15 which I KINDA GRINDED SIX DAYS FOR, ONLY TO FIND OUT I NEEDED TO FINISH 8 MAIN STORYLINE QUESTS FIRST.

Like normally i would be HAPPY for an MMO that has loads of well made story scenes and ties progression more to quests than to grinding. But its just.. so unappealing to me?? Its That One Style Of Storytelling That Turns Me Off Immediately. I fuckin hate pretentious fairytale stylings. like not even when its told in the nostalgic writing style of a kids’s story or has a fairytale art aesthetic, those are some of my FAVOURITE THINGS. Nah when its the nostalgic writing style of fuckin specifically shakespeare and the only aesthetic is fuckin tolkein AGAIN. Like its really fuckin noticeable that the entire FF series has a bazillion original species in every other game but as soon as they made an mmo its Now Only Elves And Dwarves And Giants. And like.. the one anime addition of catgirls, and also making orcs/demons fuckin boring bishounen people with ‘all men are dragony and all women are 12 year old lolis with hair decorations’ as a fuckin species trait.o r I guess maybe the roegadyn are both orcs and giants combined and the au’ra got all of the leftover terrible traits..? And that’s 80 times more obnoxious when everyone talks like YE OLDE FUCKIN LITERATURE CLASSE AYE MY BOY YONDER DAWN DOTH BREAK OVER BIGASS FUCKOFF MOUNTAIN, HERE TAKE A STICK AND KILL 5 SLIMES like they literally fuckin sub ‘nightsoil’ for ‘shit’. this is an actual thing that someone thought would sound clever and fantasy-ish, instead of like an internet parody... And as far as I know the japanese version doesn’t even do this?? And neither did japanese FF12?? I FEEL SO LIED TO! Like these two worlds are still the most simultaneously cliche and overdeveloped ever, but i would at least enjoy my experience marginally more if the wall of text didnt stretch out every word to its maximum syllable potential..

BUT YKNOW DESPITE THAT DESPITE THAT BEING MY PROBLEM I AM NOW SAD AT FFXIV MAKING EXACTLY THE FIX FOR ME

They added a REALLY interesting and Dear God Relief feature where you can literally buy your way to the start of the latest expansion, story-wise. Which is a really great idea tbh, it kinda sucks to see ‘level requirement 80 must have beaten main story’ on this entire separate thing that you just bought. Kid me was dumb and didnt read all the conditions on old FFXI stuff... And I mean, anyone who complains about this being pay to win is being a dumbass, since all it does is promote you to the base level required for that storyline. Like the maximum here is level 60 with the equivelant job quests finished, so like.. there’s at least One Thing that makes you less than horribly underprepared compared to everyone else, but you’re still just a newbie wearing big boy pants. You can never pay to win for any level anywhere near the cap, it’s just pay to skip the more boring beginner sections. And probably get your ass kicked after cos all u hav is base equipment and none of the optional sidequets content or learned experience from the actual story...

BUT STILL I’M MAD BECAUSE there’s no way to do this without skipping the story!! your 60 levels of beginner quests are flagged as complete and you can never even see what you missed unless you watch someone else’s lets play i guess

and I know I just said that the story is really cumbersome and slow and badly written and cliche and i have no investment in anything but like that’s only 99% true, I actually WAS interested in the job training plotlines! a smaller self-contained sidequest with a cast of mentor npcs and story directly tied to your combat strength, rather than having to mop up loads of way underlevelled quests arbitrarily just to unlock the ability to actually exceed that level. gahhh Also i have a soft spot for the thieves guild- umm i mean the ‘seamstresses’ (or what was the actual joke about it? i think that was the discworld version XD) Mostly because they don’t talk like overly fancy pricks but also dont have too much of an over the top fakey oliver twist poor person voice. have I mentioned how its double annoying playing this game as a brit and hearing EVERYONE as some american guy doing the most stereotypical accent? Its a japanese game, why did you even do this!! srsly, this and ff12 have so many of the same dub fail. Oh, but also i like the thieves guild cos their plot is actually somewhat interesting, with the secrecy and stuff, instead of just I Am Mentor Man I Am Good At Job But Probably Tsundere Or Something For Six Hours. Also nice that there’s a full cast of this piratey crew and you get to interact with bossman’s admin guys sometimes, and get a general sense that he’s the comedic bumbler that’s only kept alive by their competance. (I call it.. the Plumeria Principle..)

Oh and lol also even if i could skip the story bits I hated, i probably wouldnt cos this thing is so fuckin Lore that i’d be completely lost... T_T But aaaa its tempting!! Cos I picked a bad starting town that had a plot and mentor npc that I didnt really care for, and now i really wanna switch to (weirdly enough) the one for gridania the land of the most boring elves and none of the job classes I want to use. She was just a really cool character! I can’t remember the pirate town equivelant tho, I just think that was my fave town aesthetic and fave jobs and stuff but the npcs were boring. I want elf mom!!! But seriously after fuckin SO MUCH WORK getting to level 20 before i decided i wanted to restart AAAA and then i wasted a bunch of my money on appearance change coupons to try and sate the restart temptation but then i realised No It Was Elf Mom I Miss so now i have a bunch of that cash shop content on that character and its impossible to transfer or somethin?? i couldnt even figure out how to send money between your own characters, which sucks cos some really nice guy gave me 30000 gold for no reason when i first started up the game and i legit DID NOT KNOW HOW TO USE CHAT YET so i was like running after him all WAAAAIT LET ME FIND THE KEYBOARD TO SAY THANKS xD But then i was just using that character to check out some of the other intro towns, it wasnt my main so i never used the money :(

so yeah anyway now I’m stuck here grumpy and debating whether i should buy this aaaaa and i cant even remember the name of the clearly-a-thief-but-dont-call-it-that class so i can pick the right thing to buy... And also i dont know if this only skips job training quests and not main story quests? or if there’s any way to recap main story quests at least? so it might not be as bad as I think. And maybe i could just pick whatever class I hate most to get all the exp in, and then i can have the level requirement to use my damn expansion but still go back and restart another job questline. and it’d probably be easier lol with all the boosts of having some other job high levelled! wonder if there’s a job with a terrible plotline that jus coincidentally lines up as a great thief supporter...?

#blunni thoughts

[movedtoprsmise]

🌷

I was tagged by two cuties @goldenmina and @haremofparkjiminsmh to do this tag thing. thanks babes 💘

Last…

-Drink: Dr pepper 😍

-Phone call: my best friend (@rnvntlve​) on facetime 💕 

-Text message: also my best friend! 

-Song you listened to: fucking Black Suit by Super Junior because i can’t stop listening to it LMAO save me pls

-Time you cried: on thursday (two days ago)

Have you ever…

-Dated someone twice: yepp 

-Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 

-Been cheated on: not that i know of lmao yikes 

-Lost someone special: of course, too many times. 

-Been depressed: yes. 

-Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah im only 16 and also not v interested in alc. BUT fun fact,, my friend got drunk at a party once that she was at w her gf and it was so bad she threw up in the front yard and tbh i still havent forgiven her dumbass gf for not stopping her from drinking.

Three favorite colors…

🖤black 💗pink & 💙blue

In the last year have you…

-Made new friends: yes! theyre so lovely 😣💘 

-Laughed until you cried: literally everyday.. im a mess 😂 -

Found out that someone was talking about you: not that i can recall 🤔

-Met someone who changed you: of course, yes. many people, for the good and bad. 

-Found out who your friends are: yeah~ ⭐️ 

-Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: ye.. my girlfriend 😍 

-Do you have any pets?: two kitties and one doggo 💗✨ 

-Do you want to change your name?: i used to want to but idrc anymore tbh 

-What did you do for your last birthday?: i had a “””sweet 16””” that was literally just my closest friends and I listening to music and eating bomb ass nachos and drinking homemade peach soda🍑. it was amazing and now im hungry.. 

-What time did you wake up?: i think it was around 7:30??? 

 -What you were you doing at midnight last night?: SLEEPING. my ass was exhausted rip 

-Name something you can’t wait for: this next tuesday (pray for me), to get my first tattoo, and to get my official driver’s licence 💕 

-When was the last time you saw your mom?: last night cause i havent gotten out of bed yet lmfao 

-What are you listening to right now?: Love by Taemin ❤️🤧 

-Have you ever talked to someone named Tom?: yes lmao im pretty sure i have an uncle named Tom 

-Something that gets on your nerves?: arrogance, rudeness, repetitive touches or sounds.. 

-Most visited website: tumblr 🙈 

About you.. 

-Hair color: naturally? chestnut. but its blonde-ish rn (i need to dye it ughhh 

-Long or short hair: idk my hair is like a good middle length.. not too long, not too short ☺️ 

-Do you have a crush on someone?: only you baby (((((;;;;; lol can i shut up 

-What do you like about yourself?: im gonna try to be positive and say that I like my eyes and lips. also my height is cool 😤 

-Blood type: B 

-Nickname: Billy or Bil(s) 

-Relationship status: taken 🌸 

-Zodiac: Taurus ♉️ 

-Pronouns: she/her; i wouldnt mind they/them 

-Favorite T.V shows: i dont watch TV but Big Mouth from Netflix is fucking hilarious and its my favorite rn, 10/10 would recommend if you’re a sarcastic piece of shit like me 

-Tattoos: none yet! 

-Right or Left handed: right 

-Surgeries: none 

-Sport: none ew im so not athletic pls send help 

-Vacation: mexico, cross-country roadtrips, the beach,, idk 

-Pairs of shoes: 4 

-Eating: nothing 

-Drinking: nothing 

-I’m about to: go find food~ 

-Waiting for?: tuesdayyyy⭐️🌈✨ 

-Want?: self confidence, nicer clothes, more motivation.. 

Which is better?

-Hugs or kisses?: i love kissing my gf but hugs are so nice 💘 

-Lips or eyes?: im a sucker for both but mostly eyes 💗 

-Shorter or taller?: uhh i like when people are taller than me!! -

-Older or younger?: what? idk?? either.. 😂 

-Nice arms or stomach?: neither my arms or stomach are nice so 🤷‍♀️ but if you’re asking abt muscles on other people,, i dont really care for them. whatever makes people happy lol 

-Hook up or relationship?: relationship🌻 

-Troublemaker or hesitant?: literally so hesitant it’s almost disabling 

-Kissed a stranger?: no. unless i gotta do it to meet BTS or some shit smh 

-Drink hard liquor?: neither, i dont drink 

-Lost glasses/contact lenses?: i lose my glasses all the time because im literally so blind lmfao help 

-Turned someone down?: probably 

-Sex on the first date?: lol no 

-Broken someone’s heart?: .. yes 

-Had a broken heart?: yeah 

-Been arrested?: nope 

-Cried when someone died?: of course 

-Fallen for a friend?: yep and now we’re been together for almost 4 years ☺️

Do you believe in…

-Yourself?: rarely. 

-Miracles?: yeah, i mean Park Jimin exists so… 

-Love at first sight?: maybe? idk 

-Santa Claus?: hes my man 😤😤 

-Kiss on the first date?: probably not but idk

this was so long oh my lordy. i guess ill tag @cutekookie @riley-mcsassy @jhopesun @kookmin-lady @luvisnotoverjims ? 💗

#tagged #this took me forever oh my god

[swampgallows]

i need help. i cant do anything. even in europe all i did was trail behind. i didnt book anything or research anything. i just followed along. everybody else planned everything and i just followed behind.

i dont know what will happen to me without coverage. i need to make calls but i dont know what will happen. i really need help and i really want to be able to do things without my parents. there is so much my parents dont know and that i dont feel safe telling them. there is so much i dont trust my parents with but they control everything. they dont even know i quit my job because i was going to kill myself. ir eally want to get help. and i really need to get help. and i feel like the only way i can truly do it is if im entirely removed from this environment for an extended period of time. i thought europe would be the thing to help me enough but during the last few days when i realized i was going to have to come back here i started panicking and getting sick. and since i got home my body has been rejecting even the most mild of foods (oatmeal, applesauce, eggs and toast) and i cant sleep for more than a few hours at a time, at random. and i cant focus on anything again, and i only managed to draw something for a little bit when my mom was at the hospital again. 

i hate that i cant do anything alone but i feel like when im by myself i’ll disappear. but even when im with people i fall out of existence and stop being a person. i cant be here. im struggling to be here any more as a person. 

i had canceled my wow subscription (i guess?) so it wouldnt charge me while i wasnt playing and i havent started it back up again yet. i opened hots but i didnt play it. i cant even play video games. 

i really need help. i really need to get somewhere where i can be away from this environment and get help or im just going to sit in my bed until i die. im dissociated more than im grounded  nowadays, even on the trip. if eel like unless im in a super safe and time-constrained situation (like a rave or at a restaurant?? or something) i cant be a human being. like i have to have a scripted event and i cant exist outside of it. i dont know what to do with myself unless im being perceived or something like that. 

i hate writing about this stuff on tumblr but it’s making me lose my mind if i dont get it out somehow. it’s just spinning in my head and all i can do is sit here. it’s 4 in the morning and i thought about cleaning my room to do something productive while not having to be a person, per se, but it’s 4am and it would be too loud. i thought about getting in my car and driving around a little while the streets are super empty but my mom is awake and sitting by the door.

im so fucking sick of my parents knowing about every single thing i do. i cant be a person independent of them if i cant do or say anything without them knowing. and even if i put up my middle finger and say like FUCK YOU IM DOING THIS like my sister does it doesnt matter, in the end they still control everything and they still KNOW. i still have to come back to their house to go to bed, and even if im gone for days they know im gone. my sister is looking into renting a place with her shitty chaotic boyfriend (even though she swore up and down that she would NEVER move in with him) just so she doesnt have to fucking live here. AND SHE’S 29 AND I’M 27 WE SHOULDNT HAVE TO STILL LIVE WITH OUR PARENTS BUT NO ONE IN MY GENERATION CAN AFFORD TO MOVE OUT WITHOUT LIVING WITH 9 STRANGERS FOR 800 A MONTH EACH, AND THOSE NUMBERS ARE NOT EXAGGERATED

it was such a relief when i was in europe to just not check in with them at all or have to tell them anything. not even ‘hey i’m here safe!’ fuck you. i barely even posted on facebook about it except for checking in to places on swarm, and not to tell them, but just to do it, because it’s what i’d do anyway. “thanks for the update” my sister wrote, like i was supposed to tell them sooner. it’s none of their fucking business. they are not part of the equation at all. i bought the plane ticket, i paid for my share of the hotel and hostel and apartment, AND i was planning to drive myself to nate’s house until my mother fucking berated me about it and dropped me off instead (they were using my car that week anyway). 

my sister is on a career path and so is my brother and im not. i havent tried learning coding again in a while. i really do not have anything to live for, im not in love with anybody and i have no dreams and i dont even want to get married really and i DEFINITELY do not want children, i still feel like a child, i feel too helpless and stupid to do anything, my art is WAY below the professional level and i couldnt even fulfill all the commissions i took, i barely even draw for myself. i dont do anythign for myself. i cant even take care of myself. im full of self-destructive impulses maybe because i feel like if it gets bad enough my parents will give a shit about me, or something, but they dont, or they cant, theyre incapable. i think about all the healing i have to do and all the trauma ive been through and how my mother takes even that away from me, using it to further her own self-flagellation about what a bad mother she is. even if i killed myself, my suicide would matter to her more as a means to further punish herself than as a loss of my life. and i know this because when i was hit by the car and didnt have the self-preservation to call for help or do anything, all she did was scream at me at the top of her lungs and then complain about what a bad mother she was that she apparently never taught us to call our parents.

i had to throw up when we were driving back to lax to drop cookies off and i thought i could make it. i puked all over myself, bad, in nate’s car, and he said, “you need to just tell me if you have to and i’ll pull over.” and i legitimately didnt even think of that. i am so accustomed to just suffering in silence and then getting punished afterward that i didnt do a solid for myself or for my friends by just giving a heads up about what was happening to me. i just let it happen and dealt with the consequences. and that thought really unnerved me. why didnt i say something? did i really think he would get mad at me for asking, for having the audacity to get sick? was i embarrassed??? well i was sure as fuck embarrassed for puking all over myself like a fucking infant, so why didnt i just say something? like who the fuck does that? i just sat there fighting it, thinking it would go away, instead of saying like “dude, can we pull over? i think im gonna throw up.” maybe i didnt want to be an inconvenience, or ruin the good time, or be needy, or draw attention to myself, or possibly make cookies late for her plane (she had more than enough time and it wouldnt have been a problem at all. pulling over for a minute wouldnt have mattered. we werent even on the freeway.) so why didn’t i even think to say something?

i was never like this. i was never somebody who didnt stand up for myself.

or was i? i dont know. i have avenged people in the past, speaking up for them when they didnt have anyone on their side, so why cant i speak up for myself? i didnt say anything when i was being molested, or raped, but i was just a child. but ive been ground down more and more to be more subservient, quieter, helpless, and the few times i try to defend myself or make a stand or speak up i end up saying a very wrong thing or being extremely rude or just embarrassing myself by saying something foolish. or i come off as aggressive. 

aggression.

i have nothing so i have nothing to ground me and nothing with which to assert myself. as time goes on i feel weaker and weaker, more and more feeble and like i need permission to be alive. i cant be open with my family about nearly any of my beliefs or interests, hence why i am so fervent and adamant them in spaces that i can be (like, here, for instance, blogging until i am blue in the face about warcraft and dumb rave shit). in person i feel foolish among other wow fans, who play the game better than i do and know more about the lore than i do, and i am made to feel like an imposter (FUCK YOU spellcheck i prefer the -er) or an idiot or a “fake fan” or like “wow you dedicate so much of your life to this and you still dont know a fucking thing, what a loser, what a moron”. and i feel that way about rave shit too. hanging around other DJs and shit who know so much more about their specific areas, things im not necessarily against knowing but havent really done the research on my own, i feel like i’m nothing, too.

i dont have any worthwhile qualities and especially nothing that i’m capable of doing to a lucrative or productive degree. i have a worthless art degree, speaking of which, after 5 interminable soul-crushing years at a university that ground me in its teeth and made me feel like i belonged as a smear on the pavement. and then i almost was that after being hit by a car during what was supposed to be my final semester. 

im just really not supposed to be here and i have nothing to offer. and i know nobody is “supposed” to be here but i dont even have the means to act like it or to make myself useful. i cant even be useful to myself. i cant even do the things i have an inkling of wanting to do. i just start hitting myself or crying even when i try to do the things that will make me happy. the amount of times ive been at my tables mixing away and then beating the shit out of myself at the slightest mistake and having to sit in the bath for an hour to calm down are innumerable. drawing isn’t as violent, unless im interrupted, in which case it becomes a heavy weight, like an anvil on my forehead, screaming about all the time i was wasting, and how i spent x hours on this and it still looks like shit or it’s completely pointless or “oh orcs again how fucking original you fucking cuntrag of course your favorite is the inexcusably evil and violent genocidal piece of shit character you constantly try to “fix” in your head and make excuses for because youre a broken worthless idiot addicted to abuse since being used is the only function you have in this world”

im kind of glad r/incel was banned because i was developing kind of a hate-read addiction to seeing screenshots on here. i never went to the reddit itself but being raised on that kind of mentality brought back a lot of feelings, and i was trying to train myself to just laugh at those posts, but so many people like that have ruined me in the past that i ended up feeling like i had a duty to “hear” them out. i was practically raised by men who would now be classified as “incels” and that rhetoric comprised a bulk of my understanding about sexuality, especially when my introduction to the entire concept of sex was through entitlement via rape. i thought letting myself be abused was some act of altruism, and that men wanting to possess me was something admirable and validating, especially since i was so ugly, that they in turn were being charitable by allowing themselves to be associated with me, that the least i could do was let them get some kind of pleasure out of it. 

sure i didnt know any better as a child but im still fighting these feelings as an adult. i cant even navigate my own feelings about men. the pirate wants to go to bar sinister again on saturday (with smee, luckily) but i still cant feel out if it’s a date or not, and i still cant decide whether or not i’m comfortable with it being a date, since i dont know what attraction is, i dont want to hurt the guy’s feelings, and i’d like to stay friends, and i dont want to make him mad, and i dont want to lead him on either, and i DONT KNOW WHY i am basically arguing with myself as to whether or not i should ‘let this happen’, that i should just allow something to happen to me, again, because i “pursued” this man enough to let him know i wanted to get to know him better and hang with him outside of just seeing him on the bus, but i do not believe i have ever consciously pursued someone romantically IN MY LIFE (and if i did i was the last to know i was doing it). i have never had the thought “I want to date this person” because i dont fucking know what dating is, i dont know what anything is, i dont fucking know anything, i am not someone who would intentionally make a “First Move” on someone in the way of “wow i want to kiss this person so i had better get to know them better” like they do in the movies.

ultimately i guess i cannot ever imagine someone respecting me and being reciprocal with me. cannot ever imagine someone wanting to be around me for me and not because of some ulterior motive, like that theyre in love with me because of some shit emotional labor they squeezed out of me or some naive infatuation theyve conjured up in their heads about how we’re going to be married someday even if i explicitly reject them outright on several separate occasions, or how they’re so emotionally stunted that me being a cordial human being and sharing a trace of interest with them (wow youre a girl, AND you play video games? AND you have hooves?) translates into a crush because they have zero boundaries or understanding of women. 

cause like, im a fucking disaster area. i dont even want to be around me. i cannot even look at myself in the mirror, my insecurity is volatile, i’m incredibly unstable and i have no self-preservation or means of independence. if you want to be dragged down in every facet possible, look no further: i am a living embodiment of trench foot. so because i deem myself having no value i dont see why anyone else could. which is why im comfortable with traces of platonic shit and why social media is perfect. it’s meaningful enough interaction to let me know that i, individually, have value, but superficial and ephemeral enough to know it’s not because anyone has any weird fucking obsession with or bias toward me. my art appears on their dash in a flash and if they like it, they like it, and that’s it. they dont gotta say shit, and it’s an entirely objective Unit of Value not based on any expected performance from me or my identity as a human being. Just, deemed worthy, and if they add their own addendum or something it’s because they’re contributing to something larger, not directly feeding into my ego/personhood. 

and in turn, on my blog i can provide whatever sort of content i want without expectation and at the end of the day even if it goes unnoticed, im not doing it for any means to an end so ultimately its impact is irrelevant. like, thank fucking god. my blog doesnt provide a service to people where they expect some kind of Product, and they can opt out at any time. as long as im not going around hurting people (and obviously i would never want to do that) my blog doesnt matter, and i dont have to matter. 

“you matter”. fuck off. maybe i dont want to matter. maybe im better off just being a transient, tied to nothing and no one to keep from burdening anybody or burdening myself by feeling like i have to be fucking “useful” all the time. 

for how truly invisible i feel all the time, it’s ironic how much i wish i could be.

#blathering

[evellyynn7]

That Night pt.2 of Meeting Mr. Wrong

            “It all started on a dark and cold night, November 7th to be exact.” I said very quietly almost regretting doing this. Dean was such a good listener, his eyes looked at me with such compassion as i told the whole story.

          “Lets do something crazy tonight guys!... unless some of you are gonna be little wusses” Steve was looking at us 3 girls, Nancy Wheeler, Barbra Holland... and me. He was of course mostly referring to Barb since she looked the most nerdy out of our bunch, he thought we would be at least a little bit easier to loosen up and i mean that in a dirty way too.

            Billy Hardgrove was there along with Tommy H and Carol. They of course were there to get lucky and wasted while my 3 friends and i were just trying to up our popularity status. “Hey here’s a clever idea, why don’t we play a little game to help these newbies ‘loosen up’ Billy said with a wink to me and his famous smirk. “That may be the only smart thing you’ve said all day Steve” joked. The others laughed and agreed while the rest of were nervous at first but warmed up to the idea while Barb was always against this ‘loosening up’ game.

           “Alright, fuck it, how do you play the damn game” i couldn’t believe i said that, i guess that was just all that naughty that’s been shunned away from my good girl act. “Oooo this pretty little girl has a naughty side?” Billy said this in a shocked but intrigued way. “C’mon Billy just tell us how to play the damn game” Nancy saw how i was learning to just go with it so she followed along. “ Okay book worm don’t get aggressive” Billy said this with less interest and more annoyance of Nancy. “Okay so newbies have to prove themselves to us by doing some dares that are given to you by yours truly” he winked and let out a puff while gesturing to his friends. Steve interrupted fast “So i’ll start with miss wheeler, i da...” Billy cut him off with anger in his eyes. “But my good friend forgot to mention the best part!, if you guys cant complete the dare then you have to strip one item each time” he seemed proud of his lustful command.

         After several halfly and fully covered dares, there laid 4 girls in either just a bra and panty or maybe they still had a sweater or jeans on. I was one of the girls in just a bra and panty but i never felt so alive and bad but i loved it not to mention i was far past drunk. I knew that barb felt uncomfortable the whole time and so did the whole group so they went easy on her and she just had to take off her coat. “Ok so this one is for Liv over there.” Billy said grabbing my hand while I lounged on the chair carelessly with my drunken and half covered gorgeous bod. His eyes lingered and he couldn’t hide his blushing and lustful eyes. This drove me crazy cause he was so handsome and sexy but i didn’t want to get to far, i just wasn’t ready for anything that big. I stood up very unsteady and barb saw that, she came over and told me that we should all go and that she would drive. “I think we all had enough fun why don’t we start heading home, you don’t look to well Liv.” “I’m fine i don’t need you to be a mom right now, why don’t you go you never fit in anyways, and don’t say that i don’t ‘look good’ for all i know your probably just jealous.” I knew right after i said it that i screwed up but it was too late. “ You know what, im done trying to be a good friend, i will go home and good luck trying to get home like that, maybe one of your new ‘friends’ can sober up before driving.” she left in tears running towards the woods. “Whoa whats up her ass!” Billy laughed and began kissing my neck but i just stood there in shock and a dazed confusion.

          Later that night Billy and i had made our way to Steve’s couch while tommy and carol took a spare bedroom and Steve led Nancy to his room. I had a feeling of what was going to happen but i was not in my right mind to fully stop it. He leaned in and starting kissing me slow then it suddenly turned harsh and passionate, i could feel his hands making there way up my thigh and i let out a small gasp. “Hey im not sure i wanna take this that far“ i mumbled against his lips but he ignored me and just kept going further up. I heard a faint scream and broke the kiss. “Did you hear that?” “Hear what doll, the only thing i wanna be hearing is you moaning my name.” he smirked then slowly went in again and then bit my bottom lip slowly. Little did i know that it was barb coming back to drive us home since she was actually a good friend who cared for us regardless and not just someone who was only trying to get in my pants. “ Billy i dont know about this” “Oh cmon your just shy but ill be gentle and then all youll feel will be pure bliss” he then lowered me on my back and made his way down by kissing me in every spot that sent chills to my body so i let go and just went with it.

          The next day Barb wasnt at school and nanc and i just thought that she was just mad at us but as a week went by we were beyond worried untill 2 days ago when we heard about her on the news, thats when our worried hearts turned into broken grieving hearts. The only good thing was that news report landed on a saturday and i could be a wreck the whole weekend and process things before heading back to school. Thats when things got crazy and people started suspecting her best friends and the sad truth was that i knew something others didnt, this slight piece of evidence could make everybody i care about turn on me.

                “And thats how it all went down Dean, I know i sound absolutely terrible but i want justice for barb.” He was looking at me with wide eyes and a dreamy gaze but i couldnt quite make out what he was thinking. “Wow olivia im shocked but so happy you told me, everything will get better from here on out” he gave me a reassuring smile and leaded me back to class and he happened to casually lay his hand on my waist and guide me, then whispered i think you sounded like a strong and beautiful girl for what you had to go through but im also gonna sound like a douche when i say this but im glad you didnt go after your friend cause it might have gotten you too and i wouldnt be able to meet the strong and beautiful girl standing right in front of me.” i blushed like crazy before walking into the class, once again all eyes were on me and Dean noticed so decided to do something about that. He walked in and said, “Every body should know that your classmate Olivia has helped this case tremendously and you all should give her a smile the next time you see her” “ i should be seeing you around miss hopper” he smiled and winked at you in a professional manner but you could tell it was far from that.

                  A week has past and your uncle hopper went away for a couple of days to solve this case with the winchester brothers, leaving you to watch El. Today she went to go hangout with her bunch while you stayed home and catched up on some vampire diaries. *knock knock* i was shocked to hear a knock on my door, maybe my uncle came back early i thought. I get up from my comfy spot and open the door to a pleasant surprise. “Dean!! how are you? we haven’t spoken in a while and i thought you were supposed to be with my uncle” i was confused yet happy since all my memories had been good with dean and i trusted him on something that meant so much to me. “ Well your uncle asked either me or my brother to check up on you and i happily agreed” he flashed his dazling smile and walked in. I sat on the couch and he sat next to me, for the past few hours we caught up and got to know each other on a whole other level, it was like weve always knew each other and time seemed to fly. I showed him my room and my personal things including some secrets. “ Ive always wanted to tell you this but i think your absolutely gorgeous.” he kept his beautiful blue eyes latched on me and leaned in for a kiss.I went in and soon enough we were naked on my bed over heated and satisfied. “You can spend the night” i said smiling at him with my fingers tracing his bare abs. “Im sure theyve got this covered for tonight” he smiled down at me and kissed my forhead, then we fell asleep in an instant.

              The next morning was amazing, waking up to a shirtless sexy Dean was priceless and epecially getting to watch his cute face sleep. He woke up with a smile and said “ Mornin gorgeous, how did you sleep, i know i slept well with you by my side” he pecked my lips “I could say the same” I got up to kiss him more passionalty and put some clothes on in the bathroom but as i was leaving i felt his eyes heavy on my naked body. I shut the door and got dressed but i stayed in the bathroom because i heard my uncle enter my room screaming his head off! Dean was shook and got up fast trying to defend himself while my uncle was saying “I cant belive you!! i practically told you to babysit her for a few hours and i come home to you naked in her bed doing who knows what! time to leave Mr.Wrong, youve helped enough. As i finished getting ready i walked out with shame all over my face and my uncle telling me to go for somebody my own age.

[thefirelordazula]

all odd numbers !!!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? How do Gorillaz make so much bomb ass music

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? No, as long as it didnt completely take over their life. Like if they need it every day to be happy then i’d be worried, otherwise its totally cool

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? I was on the internet, most likely tumblr and hunting down the songs used on sense8

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Most likely feel incredibly hurt and break up w that person. I could stay and try to work it out but i would have to care about that person way too much and i’d have to see that they were willing to make it work too and never do it again

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? my dogs tbh

11 answered already!

13: What time do you go to bed? really late, earliest i can go is probably around 1am unless i am extremely tired 

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? nope

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? I dont know who i fell hardest for, but one of the people who i really loved hurt me a lot and i hated them for a while. Now i just dont care about them at all

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? It’s not seeing, but every time i talk to sam @speedydanvers and aya @moonbow99 i get incredibly happy 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? my mom and dogs

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? I can definitely say i’ve been getting happier with time, so no

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes, so many times cause im an emotional bitch (most of those times were while watching sense8 tbh)

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? no, unless its in like a professional setting or whatever

29: Do you have a best friend? i have many best friends, some of which include @speedydanvers @i-sometimes-say-stupid-things and my 2 friends maria and ivanna who dont have tumblr

31: Who was your last call/text message from? call was my mom, text was sam

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? I think everyone i’ve kissed was either my same age or older

35: How many more days until your birthday? my birthday was like a week ago so like almost an entire year til my next

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? yeah ben and one of my friend’s brother david

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? probably

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? it definitely matters when one person is underage and there’s a vast difference between the adult person (i.e. someone is 14 and the other is 18+) but if it’s a smaller difference like 17 and 18 then i think its cool (especially if theyve been dating since they were both underage). When it comes to more adult people, I dont think it matters as long as they respect and love each other. Although I hate the tv trend of ugly old men having like really young and pretty women, like im tired of that trope and those girls deserve better

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? im still in hs so i dont think this applies to me

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? if both people end the relationship in mutual respect and there’s not too many conflicting feelings then yeah

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? I’m thinking about the old guy with younger woman trope and how much it sucks because although some of those relationships are great, most of the times it patronizes a lot of the young women, and it makes it seem like once women hit a certain age they are useless bcs theyre undesirable to men

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? I dont know if it was a mistake but i wouldnt do it again

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? yeah unfortunately 

53: What was the last thing you ate? i ate some sausages earlier

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Hopefully mexico

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls. most of the men i’ve had in my life are useless so i’ve distanced myself from them and now i only interact with like 3 and the rest are girls 

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? i dont know what counts as long, but recently i went to my friends house and shes like 25 mins away

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? nope but i probably would if they deserved it

63: What was the last movie you saw? Batman Vs Superman

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? Yo i think this is when i had my 3rd-4th grade bf. it was so cute and innocent, like i think he kissed me on the cheek once but mostly we played video games or hung out at each other’s houses

67: Do you curse around your parents? Yeah but i only started doing so recently 

69: Picture of yourself? just go to my face tag cause im too lazy

71: Have you ever been dumped? yep

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? not made out but definitely kissed

75 already answered!

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? nope

79 already answered!

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yeah a few times

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? not at all

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? @moonbow99 i guess this counts as us? so yeah definitely 

87: What is your astrological sign? Leo hell yea

89: Do you cook? pffft no

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? im in a relationship rn and i love being in one 

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? being a girl

95: Are you a player? nah, if i ever were to be with someone else it would have to be something agreed on

97 already answered!

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? yeahh

101: Hugs or Kisses? depends on the person, but if it comes to SO then kisses

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ew men

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? only if we cared for each other and i knew they werent happy w their current partner, or if they were really really really sexy

107: Your last kiss? this guy that i dated for less than a month before i left him for my current gf

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? nah besides like my mom on the cheek and dogs

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? hopefully my lovely girlfriend 

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? indeed

115: Ever made out with just a friend? not made out but kissed

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. I’ll skip this one since you didnt send any

#holy shit thank you for letting me talk so much about myself youre the best <3 #ask #bisexualcordelia