#my mom had to watch in horror as i ate all of the spring rolls and rangoon and dumplings as well as the general tso we got

[liukangmybeloved]

everyone else is fighting for second {Mortal Kombat (2021)}

SPOILERS FOR MORTAL KOMBAT (2021)

Summary: Canon Divergent AU. Crack & Fluff. The team develops into something of a found family, which happens to include Cole's actual family. They take a day off from fighting to go to the fair, where the biggest question is 'who is Cole's daughter's favourite in the team?' Besides her dad, of course. Kano is very competitive about this question.

A/N: 1968 words. I will take a meat-tenderizer and FIX the canon and make it SOFT. i love cole young and mk 2021, if you don't like that, you've been warned. everybody lives/nobody dies AU & kano isn't a traitor. also imagine there's just like.... more time before the tournament. enough to become a found family. like i said, fluff & crack. warnings for swearing.

If Cole had it his way, Emily and Kano would have never met. He would be perfectly happy letting everyone else on the team meet her, but he's yet to hear a single sentence leave Kano's mouth that didn't include some colourful variation of 'fuck', 'shit', 'wanker', or 'cunt'. So unsurprisingly, he wasn't exactly eager to let his teenager daughter near the man who Sonya had literally called 'scum of the Earth', but alas.

"I'll be on my best behaviour, pinky-swear!" Kano's grin was all teeth as he'd held his pinky finger up to Cole's glowering face, wiggling it a little when Cole made no move to finish the pinky-swear.

"If you say - cunt -" and the word sounds so uncomfortable coming from Cole, he damn well looks uncomfortable just saying it, "within a hundred feet of her, I'll get Kung Lao to cut you in half." And he gesutres over to where Kung Lao and the rest of their ragtag bunch of misfits; the man in question had forgone his usual weapon for a more modern, soft-brimmed sunhat, but his jaunty wave to Kano at the sound of his name still managed to be menacing. The Australian shuddered in horror at the mere thought; at least he took the threat seriously.

"You don't have to be jealous, man," the threat seemed to only have dampened Kano's jovial attitude momentarily, as he's got a spring in his step as he follows Cole to the rest of the gathered champions, "Uncle Kano's gonna set a fuckin' - flippin' -" he corrects himself as Cole shoots him a warning look, "great example." Sonya barks a loud, derisive laugh as Cole sees fit to remind him that he's not Uncle Kano.

"Emily's a good kid," Liu Kang assures, kind and sincere.

"Yeah, she never even believes me when I tell her Kano's a dirty, little rat," Kung Lao smirks in the face of Kano's sudden outrage, and Cole is pretty sure that, despite it being Emily and Alison's idea, to give the team a day of levity and to bond, this might be the worst plan he's ever agreed to.

"This is a day of bonding, not of infighting," Raiden's voice joins them, followed by the God himself only moments later, which is enough to unite all the champions in confusion at his choice of wardrobe for the day. While still sporting a majority of his usual attire, somehow he'd managed to procure a t-shirt with a meme of all things on it, a personalised meme!

"I designed it myself, I think it turned out pretty okay; whaddya think?" Kano sounded far too proud of himself, looking at the cartoon drawing of what could only be Raiden himself pointing awkwardly at Thor as depicted in Marvel Comics, who was pointing back.

"We are both Gods of Thunder," Raiden explained, pointing to his own shirt; Sonya had gone wide-eyed, unsure of how to react, while Jaxx was doing his utmost not to burst out laughing.

"I... didn't know you knew what a meme was," Cole admits, though honestly, once the shock had worn off of, it was rather charming.

"I didn't know you knew what a meme was," Kano fired back, equally confused.

"I have a thirteen-year-old, of course I know what a meme is -" but then it seems to hit him just as it hits Sonya and Jax, and the three of them turn to the pair of confused, cave-dwelling, internet-free champions. None of them knew where to begin trying to explain the whole situation, but thankfully, Raiden chose that moment to open a lightning portal, and they all headed through quickly.

----

The night that Cole and his family had gone home after everything had gone down, the fighting, Sub-Zero, and the man he's pretty sure is the ghost of his ancestor, Emily had looked him dead in the eye and called him a super hero.

And then told him that his friends were really cool.

This was a sentiment that his new friends seemed to share about his family.

Cole quickly comes to realise that family isn't something a lot of the rest of the team have nowadays; they have each other, but for a lot of them, that's mostly it. He sits on an invite to dinner that he'd already ran past Alison several days ago, before inviting Liu Kang and Kung Lao over, if nothing else, to repay the hospitality they'd shown him so early on.

Alison's rule was that there was to be peace on their property; no training, no fighting, but the team was welcome as long as they didn't bring trouble to the door.

So then it was Sonya and Jaxx, who brought dessert when they came over.

Emily once asked what Thunder Gods ate. Did they eat? Cole wasn't sure. He extends an invite to Raiden anyways, but it's politely declined. The next time, however, he took up Cole's invite, mostly for the company, and to thank Alison and Emily for their patience; having Cole away so often wasn't easy, he'd be the first to acknowledge that. Alison appreciated the sentiment, as did Emily, though she was also just bursting with questions for the God, and he did his best to answer what he could.

Then finally - finally - after so long spent with the team, of most of them coming to find comfort and serenity in his home on the occasions that they need it, Kano is invited to Sunday lunch too.

----

"I know us champions and our super powers are pretty cool," Kano says to Emily, the moment they step through the lightning portal and emerge into the sunshine and the noise of the fair, "but I'm your favourite, right? Besides your old man, of course," and he rolls his eyes a little at that, as does Cole, for very different reasons, while Alison shoots Cole a questioning look. Thankfully she still does not trust Kano as far as she could throw him.

For her part, Emily answers incredibly diplomatically, sounding much older than her thirteen years, and quite a bit like her mother;

"Kano, you're a grown man, my approval shouldn't matter to you," she sounds sincere, which is completely undercut by Kung Lao sliding into step beside Kano.

"Which means you're not her favourite," he teases, and Kano practically growls back, embarrassed, while Emily calls out to Raiden that she likes his shirt. He practically beams.

"Not a lot of people will really get it, though," she points out, and Raiden muses on that for a moment.

"But I get it, and it's mine."

"Fair point," Emily nods at that, as their strange group steps up to buy tickets.

---

Emily spends more of the fair of people's shoulders than she does actually walking, which delights her endlessly. Mostly she's up on Jax's shoulders, and charges her cotton candy for the ride, ripping a small chunk from the one Cole had bought for her.

"It's weird seeing you all look so normal," she says to Sonya, the two of them in line for the Dodge 'Em Cars alongside Liu Kang and Kung Lao. Sonya grins, knows exactly what she means, gaze turning to the two members of the Shaolin Order of Light, not that anyone would know simply from looking at them now. Where Liu Kang had found a pair of trendy, ripped jeans was beyond Sonya's imagination.

"You look cool, though," Emily amended quickly, "I didn't realise you all would come to the fair, but I'm glad you did," she's smiling brightly as they get closer to the front of the line.

"Who did you expect to come along today?" Liu asks, eyes wide and curious. It wasn't that he was as competitive as Kung Lao or Kano, but he still found the child's interpretation of their group to be interesting. She knows, in some capacity, what they're capable off; she'd watched her father slice, dice, and kill Goro after all. The fact that she could think so highly of them speaks a lot to her capacity for kindness, or perhaps her childish naivety, but Liu preferred to think it was the former.

Emily, however, goes quiet, seems to be a little embarrassed. She mutters something, avoiding eye contact with any of them, and Liu goes to ask her to repeat herself, but she interrupts him while doing so;

"I wanted Dad to have a day off," she admitted, before adding, "and... and Lord Raiden; I don't think he's had a day off this millennium."

"It's good of you to look out for them," Sonya tells her fondly, "our team can be pretty single-minded, but we needed this day off, I think." And she gives Emily a pet on the shoulder, and lets her steer the tandem Car when they finally get a turn.

----

"It's me, right? I'm your favourite," Jax asks Emily over lunch, not because he genuinely believes it, but because it riles up Kano, and to a lesser extent, the competitive Liu Kang.

"Jax is one bad day away from pledging his allegiance to Skynet, he can't be your favourite -" Kano grumbles.

"Dad's my favourite," Emily reminds them sternly, and Cole has to hide his proud little smile, before she adds, "and mom's my favourite too, the rest of you, well of course you're all badass as hell -"

"Is it Liu? 'Cos he's pretty and you're, yanno, a teenage girl," Kano scowls at the warrior who'd been attempting to just quietly enjoy his basket of fries. Both Cole and Alison are wearing similarly murderous expressions, and Kano raised his hands in mock surrender, dropping his gaze.

"Actually," Emily said pointedly, despite the embarrassed flush on her cheeks, though she was mirroring her parents intensity, "my favourite is Raiden because he's literally a God that shoots lightning out of his hands, and you're now my least favourite because you're a rat bastard."

"I taught her that," Kung Lao was grinning from ear to ear, and when he and Emily look to each other, they share a definitive nod.

"How come he's allowed to teach her words like bastard?!" Kano demanded to know.

"Because you're a bastard," Sonya interjects.

Kano is thankfully quiet for the remainder of lunch, sulking at his end of the table as chatter returns to normal, returns to talk of how everyone else had been enjoying the day.

----

At the end of the day, Kano shoves a large, stuffed kangaroo at Emily that he'd won at the booth where you had to knock over bottles.

"Didn't even use me eye or anything; lost an hour of my life and fifty fuckin' dollars," he was grumbling, while Emily was examining the prize.

"You won this?" She seemed endeared by it, endeared by the thought that he'd put the time into winning it for her.

"'course I won it, can I stop being your least favourite now?" He asked, and Emily tucked the kangaroo beneath her arm, giving him an appraising look.

"You can't buy my loyalty -"

"Wouldn't want it if it could be bought, I know that shit from experience," Kano interjected, crossing his arms defensively, ignoring where Cole was glowering at him every time he swore.

"But you put time in, and effort, so you're back to third with everyone else."

"As long as none of those bastards is beating me, I'm okay with that."

As they headed to the exit, to where Raiden had created a lightning portal for them all to go home through, Emily reached out and punched Kano lightly in the shoulder.

"Thanks, Kano, it's pretty sweet that you care so much."

"Don't tell the others," he grumbled back.

"We've been with you all day," Jax calls out, "we already know."

#mortal kombat #liu kang #mortal kombat 2021 #kano #kung lao #cole young #raiden #jax briggs #emily young #alison young #sonya blade #mortal kombat fluff #mortal kombat fanfiction #lkmb

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner Ch48: The Terrible Twos

Intro: It’s been four years since the Snap, and Jamie enters the terrible twos. The family take a little vacation.

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut! (NSFW) No under 18s. Naughty Toddlers and Tony and Steve behaving worse than the kids…

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist 

April 2022

By the 4th Anniversary of the Snap, it finally looked like society was moving on. There was still a lot to do, but some schools and Universities were fully functioning, TV shows and Movies were back in production, restaurants and shops seemed to have gotten back to some level of ‘normality’. Places weren’t as buzzing as they had been but it seemed like people were finally taking those baby steps forward, which was the mantra Steve continued to preach at his support groups.

If only it was that easy to follow your own advice. 

Steve, and the rest of the Avengers for that matter, would be lying if they said Thanos wasn’t still at the back of their minds. But nothing short of a time machine was going to bring any of those stones back. They had to learn to live with what still felt like their failure. And for the most they did, their lives had moved on. Tony, Pepper, Steve and Katie had become parents, so they had something to focus on. Natasha, however, was all over the place, focussing even more with Rhodey on trying to track down Clint. He had given his vigilante alter-ego a name- Ronin-the word literally meaning “wave man” and taken to be an idiomatic expression for “vagrant” or “wandering man”, someone who is without a home- or so Katie’s research told them. ‘Ronin’, was still leaving trails of death and destruction all over the place and both Steve and Katie had tried to coax Natasha out of pursuing him too much. As usual she completely ignored them and had also point blank refused to attend any of the support groups. In the end Steve had stopped asking.

He and Katie found most of their time taken up dealing with Jamie who had entered what the parents now knew why everyone dubbed the terrible twos. He was a nightmare, not necessarily due to bad behaviour but he was so boisterous and such a rough and tumble little boy thanks to the half of him that held the super serum and he was ridiculously clever too. He was constantly up to mischief, which was why now, one Thursday morning Steve was stood in the kitchen, an equal mixture of exasperation and fear flooding his system as he gazed up at his son who was once again sat on top of their large stainless steel fridge freezer, about a foot out of his dad’s reach. This was his favourite activity at the moment and neither Steve nor Katie had no idea how he kept getting up there. The soldier was currently torn between grabbing a chair to climb up to get him down and being rooted to the spot, not wanting to move in case the tot threw himself off which he was prone to doing.

“Jamie, please come on.” Steve sighed.

“No.” “I’ll give you a cookie if you get down.” Steve pleaded, cursing inwardly at the fact he was resorting to bribery. Jamie cocked his head to one side, clearly weighing up his options and then his face split into a grin.

“Nom!” he grinned and then in a flash launched himself forward.

“Oh, fuck.” Steve said, forgetting his language as he stepped back, catching the toddler in his arms, heart in his mouth. Jamie giggled as his dad’s strong arms caught him.

“Don’t do that!” Steve sighed, “Please.” he added weakly.

“Fuck.” Jamie repeated with a laugh and Steve groaned.

“No, we don’t say that.” “Why not?”

“It’s a bad word.” Steve explained setting him on the counter in front of him. “Only momma and daddy can say that. And even then we shouldn’t.”  He reached for the kitchen cupboard, undoing the child lock before he grabbed the jar and held out a cookie for Jamie.

“Fankoo Daddy”

“You’re welcome, but that doesn’t mean every time you climb something you get one.” Steve looked at him sternly.

Jamie looked at him, his mouth full and Steve knew he didn’t care one iota about the utter horror he had just put his father through. A fact further emphasised when the tot raised his right hand and held his forefinger and middle finger to his eyes, moving them towards his dad.

“Yeah, I am watching you, pal.” Steve arched an eyebrow at him, mentally cursing Tony once again for teaching his son ridiculous habits. “You done?”

Jamie nodded “Another?” “Not a chance.” Steve snorted, lifting him down off the counter and herding him into the living room. He distracted his son successfully for an hour and a half or so watching Frozen, his current favourite Disney film whilst he checked over his notes for the support groups he was holding later on that afternoon. Then he gave Jamie his lunch, meals being the most painless part of his routine as the kid ate anything you put in front of him, and they set off to meet Katie at the tower. 

Soraya, her secretary looked up smiling.

“Hi Mr Rogers, Hi Jamie!” she said, holding up her hand. Jamie leant over the desk in his father’s arms and gave her a hi-five.

“Hi Sowaya!” he beamed and she smiled back before she turned to Steve. “She’s in the office but you might wanna wait a few seconds before you go in.” Steve was about to ask why, when he heard his wife’s angry voice through the closed door and he grimaced. Someone was getting an absolute earful and he didn’t envy them one bit.

That someone, was Jack Thompson, Katie’s Finance Manager. As part of Stark Industries programme to help the older teenagers post the snap, Katie had given the go head for each major department to recruit interns to give them a spring start and a means to fund themselves. Only for the third day in a row now she had caught Jack ordering his intern to make coffees for the entire office. Not that it wasn’t part of an intern’s initiation, she understood that, but when she had drilled the girl a little more, it seems that was all she was doing, along with photocopying.

“That is not what the programme is about!” she blazed as she leant forward over her desk, Jack lounging in the chair at the other side. He raised an eyebrow at her and that made her bristle even more. “Sorry, I’m not sure what is amusing you about this situation.”

“Nothing, Mrs Rogers.” he shrugged back “I just think you’re overacting slightly.” “Oh do you?” she asked, her voice raising “Well here’s an overreaction for you, you get that girl some proper jobs and activities to work on or you’ll be out of here faster than my two year old can scale the fridge.” He frowned

“Which is fast” she clarified, realising that there were all sorts of things wrong with that analogy.

“Things were a lot different with your brother at the helm.” Jack looked at her. She frowned and crossed her arms.

“Well I’m not my brother. If you don’t like it, feel free to leave your resignation letter on my desk.”

Jack eyeballed her for a moment before he nodded “Understood, loud and clear.” “Good.” she said, standing up whilst he did the same. She smoothed down her white A-lined high wasted skirt and white blouse. Her black stilettoes clicked on the wooden flooring of her office and she opened the door and nodded out of it. Jack left, not even glancing around until a small voice rang out across the room.

“Momma shouted!” Jamie giggled gleefully. Jack stopped, looked at the boy, then to Steve who simply smiled at the the man before he stalked out of the room.

“Jerk.” Katie mumbled under her breath before she beamed at her boys “Hi!”

“HI Momma!” Jamie grinned, wriggling until Steve popped him down and he ran to his mom to give her a hug. Steve had a split second to perve on his wife, because damned she looked good in that office outfit, before Jamie was in her arms, his mom not caring if his shoes or hands were going to dirty her clothes. She placed a kiss to his cheek as Steve walked towards her dropping one of his own onto her lips.

“Yuk!” Jamie pulled a face.

“So what had he done to earn himself the full wrath of my baby momma?” Steve jerked his head towards the door and Katie groaned.

“Just being awkward when it comes to the interns. I don’t think he’s going to last much longer.” “Good.” Soraya shot. “He’s a creep.”

Katie grinned. “What’s my diary like for the rest of the day?” she turned to the young woman.

“You’re clear now until four and then you have a conference call with a couple of potential authors for SIP.”

“Why don’t you do it from home?” Steve looked at her, “You were here at seven this morning.” Katie pondered before nodding. Placing Jamie on the floor she headed back into her office and grabbed her jacket and her bag, before linking her hand round her son’s.

“If anyone needs me tell them to email or call my mobile.”

Soraya nodded “See you tomorrow Mrs Rogers. Bye Captain, bye Jamie!”

“Bye bye!” Jamie waved as Katie led him to the elevator, Steve holding his other hand.

“You had lunch?” Steve looked at her. She shook her head.

“It’s been manic.”

“Good, because neither have I. Thought we could grab something before I head off to the group.”

She grinned and leaned up to give him a kiss. “Perfect.” “Lunch?” Jamie piped up. Steve looked down at him.

“Buddy, you ate an entire bowl of spaghetti at home.” “But. hungry.” he pouted and Katie looked at Steve.

“He gets that off you.” she smirked and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Who does he get climbing the fridge off?” He asked.

“Again?” she groaned.

“Yeah, had to bribe him down with a cookie.”

Katie snorted. “Well I don’t know about the climbing bit but he definitely gets the negotiation skills from me”

“It wasn’t negotiation.” Steve said, as the doors opened on the ground floor “It was out and out extortion.”

Katie laughed as they stepped out into the reception, heading to the front doors which opened automatically.

“Let’s go to the deli round the corner.” she suggested and Steve nodded, positioning himself on the outside of the sidewalk as always, Jamie on the inside as they slowed their pace to allow their son to walk the block or so round the corner.

“Momma?” he asked tugging on hand. “Yes baby?” “I haff tuna?”

“If you want tuna, yeah.” she smiled at him.

At that point Steve, who had been watching the two of them, turned and almost walked straight into another pedestrian.

“Oh, sorry Ma’am.” he nodded to her at the same time Jamie uttered.

“Oh fuck.” Katie stopped dead and turned to look at him, her voice growing stern. “James Anthony Samuel Rogers, what did you just say?”

He looked up at her as Steve groaned, crouching down in front of his son “I told you that was a bad word.” he chastised the two year old.

“Sowee Momma,Sowee daddy.” he said, looking down at his feet.

“Thank you for apologising.” Steve ruffled his hair as he stood up. “Don’t say it again.” “Okay.” “Where did he hear that?” Katie looked at Steve and he hesitated for a moment.

“Tony?” he shrugged, a sheepish smile crossing his face as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

Katie narrowed her eyes “You’re still a terrible liar.” 

******

June 2022

“Now don’t go mad Spangles…” Tony greeted Steve as he shut the car door and headed across the lawn area to the side of the lake house. Instantly Steve narrowed his eyes.

“What have you done?” he asked, following Tony down a well-trodden path to the back of the house where a small play tent was erected.

“Nothing.” Tony said, as Steve followed him round to the back of the house. “Well, nothing bad, just…”

“Stop, or I’ll shoot!” Steve heard Morgan speak before she popped her head out of the tent, and held her left hand out in front of her. She was wearing a red glove with some form of battery powered light strapped to the palm. Before Steve could comment, Jamie followed, the same item on his right.

“Pew pew!” Jamie grinned, making the noise at his dad. Steve took a deep breath and scowled at Tony.

“Really?”

“Hey look, it was this or the actual gauntlets so,” he said and then Steve really did give him a glare. Tony held his hands up.  “I was in the garage tinkering and they saw them and wanted one of their own so...”

“Iron Man!” Jamie grinned up at his dad “Look Daddy, like Unca Nee!”

“And I suppose those just have to come back to my house with the pair of them tonight?” Steve narrowed his eyes at Tony. “You know, I can always refuse to babysit.”

“No you can’t” Tony smirked. “First off we had Jamie last night so you and Katie could have a night alone, and second off…” “Uncle Pangles!” Morgan threw herself at him, her arms wrapping around his legs “We can play tonight, I stay at yours!”

“…you can’t resist her Stark charm.” Tony smirked as Steve sighed, bending down to give his niece a kiss on the head.

Katie tried not to laugh at the look on Steve’s face as he recounted the incident later that evening as they sat out in the back round the fire pit torching S’mores with Emmy. Jamie and Morgan were fast asleep in Jamie’s room.

“Well Dad,” Emmy sat back and looked at him, her brown eyes flashing with mischief, “sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire…”

“What you got in mind?” He looked at her.

“You’re good at art, right?” she said and Steve nodded. “Let’s put it to use.”

So the next morning, as soon as the hardware shop opened, Emmy and Steve were in there gathering supplies for the Great Rogers Revenge plan, sharing a victorious hi-five whilst they loaded the trunk of the car up with their supplies. Katie told them she didn’t want to know what they were planning and she meant it, steering clear of Steve’s man-cave/art studio for the rest of the morning, calling Steve back to the house at eleven ish for a coffee and a slice of banana bread when Natasha dropped in. The two women could hear the pair of them giggling as they approached and they walked into the kitchen she was greeted by the pair of them holding up their finished items.

“Oh my God!” Natasha spluttered. There was a slight pause, before Katie and Natasha cracked up laughing as Steve and Emmy held up their masterpieces. They had painted the insides of two small metal trash can lids to look like replicas of Steve’s shield. A year or so ago, Steve had bought Morgan a small, plastic Frisbee with his shield design on it, but this was something else.

“I got the idea from a picture in my history books.” Emmy said, grinning “Some young kids in a Brooklyn street after the war, playing with the lids like they were shields…” “Perfect handles to hold them with, look.” Steve grinned, flipping his round “And they’re spray varnished too so the paint won’t rub off.”

“Cap!” Jamie shrieked as the sight of the items Steve and Emmy were holding.

“Wow!” Morgan looked up in awe “Uncle Pangles, is one mine?” “Sure is Kiddo.” Steve bent down and showed the two children how to grab the shield with their hands on the handles and once he was confident they had got it, they shot out of the back door and down onto the grass, Lucky leaping up from where he had been snoozing under a tree and heading inside out of the way.

“Just do me a favour and don’t show the kids how to throw them.” Katie sighed, watching as Jamie was busy holding his shield in front of him as Morgan aimed her faker repulsor beam clad hand at him.

Steve shook his head, grabbing a piece of cake. “No point, doesn’t work, they don’t have the same trajectory as my shield.”

“Yeah they kinda hover for a bit and then just fall over.” Emmy said, her mouth full of banana bread. “This is good mom.”

“Thanks Em” Katie smiled “Nat you want another piece?”

“No thanks.” she shook her head, “Ruin our lunch.” “Lunch?” Steve paused, the slice of cake halfway to his mouth.

“I told you last night.” Katie rolled her eyes “Me and Nat are off for lunch and shopping.”

“You wanna come Em?” Nat asked.

“Oh no.” She shook her head, “I wanna be here when Tony picks these two up.”

She fist bumped Steve and Katie shook her head at the pair of them.

“Well, I do not. Gimme two mins Nat and I’ll grab my shoes.” An hour or so later, Natasha and Katie were sat in a small Tapas Bar not far from Times square. They ordered their food and made small talk for half an hour, Nat filling Katie in on her latest attempts to find Barton (all failed so far) and the fact that Bruce was emailing her regularly, keeping in contact from the Gamma Lab in Seoul. She told Katie what Carol and the rest of the gang were up to, and although Katie knew from Rhodey, she let her friend talk and nodded, chipping in where she thought appropriate. It had been a while since she had seen the woman, who had at one point been a staple part of their Sunday evening dinners, but for some reason, over the last three months had stopped coming. Katie leaned back to shrewdly eye the woman in front of her.

“So, Steve and I are taking the kids away in a month or so, why don’t you come with us?” she asked. Nat pondered for a while before she shook her head.

“I can’t leave the compound.”

“Why not?” “If something goes wrong, I need to be there.” “Nat,”  Katie sighed, “it isn’t your responsibility. The Avengers, we’re not…” Natasha cut her off, “Don’t, please” she shook her head “It’s my job. If I can help in even the smallest of ways..” Katie bit her lip before she reached over for her glass of water. She understood that in all fairness, Steve had gone through his own phase of feeling useless not long after the snap but had found his niche for sure with the support groups. If this was how Nat was dealing with it then…

“Anyway, enough about that.” Nat changed the subject. “Tell me more about the delightful language my God-Son has been learning.” Katie groaned “ I told you about the whole, oh Fuck thing a few months back?” “Yeah?” “So, a few nights ago we’re sat at the table and he suddenly shouts ‘Daddy, fuck.’ So, of course Steve tells him off. But he doesn’t stop. ‘Momma, fuck, Emmy, fuck…’. Steve’s getting more and more exasperated, trying to tell him to stop, and wasn’t until he points to the table and shouts ‘need fuck’ we realised he wanted a fork for his pasta and not the spoon we had given him.” Katie grinned as Natasha laughed. “Honestly Nat, I thought Steve was gonna have a heart attack.”

“Yeah he doesn’t like that kinda language.” Natasha grinned biting into a breadstick.

“I wouldn’t mind but he taught Jamie that word, not intentionally of course.” Katie said “And then there was the jackass incident.”

“What?”

“Oh, someone pulled out in front of me at a junction. I forgot he was in the car so I slammed on the horn and flipped him off shouting ‘jackass’ out the window” she took another drink of her water “Didn’t think anything of it until we were leaving Tony’s later that afternoon. I wound the back windows down in the car so Jamie could wave. Only he doesn’t wave, he raises his middle finger and calls Tony a jackass”

Natasha laughed “well, he’s not wrong.”

“Funnily enough that’s what Steve said.” Katie grinned. “Mind you, what he did at the supermarket the other day tops it all.” she took a bite of her garlic mushrooms. “He’s sat in the trolley and loud as you like shouts ‘I got a woody in my pants’. The woman in the aisle next to us just looks at us and Steve starts trying to explain that he was wearing Toy Story underpants, I mean…”

Natasha spluttered out her calamari, choking slightly as she started to laugh, Katie grinned before she too chuckled. It was funny now she thought about it, to be honest Katie had found it funny at the time, Steve was the one that had flushed bright red. At that point her phone began to ring and she fished it out of her bag.

“Uh oh.” She winced and looked at Nat

“Stark?”

She nodded “Hi Tone…” “Oh don’t hi Tone me…” his voice hit her ears, “Your husband is a grade A…”

“I hope you don’t have Morgan in the car whilst you’re being so angry.” Katie jokingly chastised her brother

“A trash can lid. A god-damned trashcan lid.” “Yeah well you send our kid home with some of your shit, we’re gonna repay the favour, now if you don’t mind...”

She cut the call and saw that she had a message from Steve.

Game, set and match to Spangles ;-)

She snorted.

“Are they ever gonna stop this tit for tat with the kids?” Natasha asked.

Katie shook her head, smiling. In all honesty she kind of liked the friendly little feud they had going. It was all good natured, and she enjoyed the closeness of her family.  “Nope. Sometimes I forget exactly who the kids are. The pair of them act worse than two year olds.”

******

August 2022

“Did Em tell you about the bloke at the harbour?” Steve asked, looking at Katie. The two of them were sat on the veranda of the villa on Tony’s Island. It was the last night of their two week vacation and the family had spent the time playing in the pool, on the beach- Emmy and Jamie scouring the sand for shells and other mementoes to bring home. Jamie had been particularly taken with watching the fishing boats as they left and returned from the small harbour, Steve often taking him and Emmy down to watch when they brought back their catches of the day, the small boy engaging as enthusiastically and as well he could with his 2-year-old’s vocabulary and the locals had been nothing but gracious and kind back to him and his older sibling. Katie suspected it was for that reason that they had returned earlier that night with a selection of seafood which Katie had enjoyed preparing for them, along with numerous salads, potatoes and some local fruits for afters. The four had gorged themselves and the kids, after no protest at all due to them being exhausted were tucked up in bed leaving the married couple to take in their last night alone.

“No?” Katie looked at Steve.

“He kept asking me how much I wanted for her.” Steve smirked and Katie laughed “She thought it was hilarious too, until I offered to sell her for three lobsters and a couple of skate.”

“Oh I bet she loved that.” Katie looked at him, as he shrugged, drinking from his beer bottle. “Mind you, it is kinda freaky, just how much she’s grown. I mean she’s fifteen this October.” “Tell me about it.” Steve grumbled “We got all that stuff to come yet.” “What stuff?” Katie asked, eyeing him over her wine glass.

“You know,” he waved the hand that was clutching his beer “Boys and…whatever.” Katie snorted. “What you gonna do when she does finally bring a boy back to meet us?” she asked, swinging her bare legs up and placing her feet in his lap.

“Be waiting with a shot gun” he mumbled, his spare hand dropping to her smooth skin, fingers gently tracing up and down her calf.

“That’s a dramatic shovel talk.” Katie raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh I won’t talk” Steve grinned “Just hold it across my lap and look at him” “You’re terrible.” she sniggered as his hand gently continued its ministrations on her leg.

He chuckled and Katie glanced out over the bay, sighing slightly It had been a great few weeks, just one person really missing.

“I wish Nat would have come.” 

“She’s worrying me” Steve sighed.

“I know.”  Katie nodded “But there’s not much we can do other than be there for her.”

Steve took a breath, laying his head back against his chair as the warm sea breeze hit them. Katie glanced over at where he was sat, his skin slightly more tanned, the freckles that sprang over his nose during the summer were now even more pronounced although they couldn’t rival hers. His hair had been cropped short again, and he’d even sprouted the thin smattering of a beard over the last two weeks, although he’d told Katie sternly he wasn’t growing it out this time…“I’m Captain America at those support groups, and he doesn’t have a beard, remember?”

As Katie drank him in she noticed that over the years, whilst he had aged slightly, he hadn’t changed nearly as much as she had. A few more lines here and there but he still looked pretty much the same as ten years ago, bar his hair. All the studies, backed up by Banner’s research, estimated that Steve would age at a rate approximately fifteen to twenty years younger than the average person. At some points this worried her, as she knew that in fifteen years or so he would only look to be in his late thirties when they would both be realistically (going off the years spent living and not buried in ice…) midway through their fifties, but that was something she’d known before she had married him. And she supposed that as long as he didn’t care how old she looked it didn’t matter…

“Want a photo or summi’k” Steve asked, his eyes on his wife, as she was simply looking at him, clearly contemplating something. She smiled at the way his Brooklyn drawl dripped off his voice as it always did when he was relaxed. He cocked his head slightly to one side, smiling gently at her as his beer bottle rest against his leg. Deciding she wanted distracting from the ridiculous worry that had sprung up on her she grinned and moved her feet before she stood up. Taking the bottle off him she placed it on the table and settled on his lap as he smirked up at her.

“Summik sounds good.” She muttered kissing him hard. Their tongues began their usual dance until he pulled back and looked at her, sweeping her hair off her face. Simply put his wife was stunning. Her freckles which always became more pronounced in the sun spread across her nose and her cheeks, giving her an even more youthful look than normal. Her hair was now a few inches above her waist, having grown down from the shoulder length cut she had sported whilst they’d been on the run and was falling over her face in a mass of beach tangled curls, which he adored. Her figure, Jesus, he could look at her all day… curves across her hips, breasts…he’d been exceptionally pleased that despite her confidence issues that her body wasn’t what it used to be she’d been wearing a two-piece swimsuit, even if it was one that covered her midriff. He knew better now that to try and argue that he didn’t give a damned about the fact her stomach was slightly less flat than it used to be, or her hips were wider…he simply let her get on with dressing how she felt comfortable and lavished affection and praise on her every chance he got, because frankly, there wasn’t a think about his wife he didn’t adore. He questioned every, single day how he had gotten so goddamned lucky and it had been him she’d chosen to spend the rest of her life with.

“What’s wrong?” she frowned, noticing the contemplative look in his eyes.

“Nothing at all, baby.” he said, reaching down and pulling off the crochet dress she was wearing over her swim suit top and denim shorts “Just thinking I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you look so beautiful.” She grinned as his fingers moved to undo the string that held her top around her neck, causing it to fall forward leading her bare from the waist up. He simply admired her for a moment as her hands wound into his hair and she gave a soft tug, causing his head to tilt upwards to look at her. “Not even when we got married?”

“Hmmm.” he said, her lips hovering near his as she leant down, his hands creeping up her side “Maybe, but you weren’t my baby momma then.”

She grinned, she loved it when he called her that. Gently kissing him she pulled back and looked at him.

“I’ve not changed that much have I?” she teased as she pushed down on his crotch and he groaned.

“Nope,” he muttered before kissing her hard, grinding his hips up against hers.

“Take me to bed Captain.” she murmured into his mouth, at him with suggestive eyes which peered from underneath heavy lids.

“Yes ma’am” he grinned, and in a swoop he’d picked her up and carried her inside. ****

November 2022

“Did he go down alright?”

Steve dropped onto the couch, picking up one of the super strength beers Thor had send him as part of a pre- Christmas testing package, lifting his arm up so Katie could settle into him.

“Very well, actually,” he narrowed his eyes taking a pull of his beer. “Almost suspiciously so.”

Katie chuckled as she replaced her glass and dropped her head to Steve’s shoulder as she pressed play on the remote. The two of them simply stayed like that, the odd movement and hands stroking shoulders, thighs or knees as usual, comfortable in their own little world. They were about thirty minutes into the film when, Katie felt Steve’s head move off the top of hers and she glanced at him and saw the beginnings of a smile forming on his face.

“What?”

He looked down at her. “You know,” he said, a light in his eyes that she knew all too well, “It’s Friday, Emmy is out, Jamie seems to have gone down without a fuss…” Steve trailed off and raised an eyebrow at his wife. She grinned too, mirroring his expression.

“I like where this is going,” she smirked and within seconds, her legs had been pulled from underneath her drawing a giggle from her lips as she lay flat on the sofa, Steve hovering over her. Katie wrapped her arms around his neck as their lips met, and she was just beginning to thread her fingers through his hair when they both heard a shout.

“Heeeeeyyyyy!”

Steve dropped his head and groaned “I’ll go.”

He placed one last kiss on her lips before he stood up off the couch and headed into the hall way.

“You’re supposed to be in bed,” he said as he headed up the stairs, seeing Jamie stood in his doorway at the baby gate.

“No sleep.” Jamie’s response was a whine.

“Not an option pal” Steve shook his head, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Can’t sleep.” Jamie tried again, and Steve had to bite back the smile that was about to cross his face. His son had certainly inherited his, and his wife’s for that matter, tenacity.

“Did you even try?”

There was a pause and Jamie furiously nodded his head in a blatant lie.

“Sure you did.” Steve rolled his eyes “Well what do you think would help you sleep?”

“Story, daddy!”

At those words a smile spread across Steve’s face. Over the last six months, Jamie had taken a real interest in the tales he told him, so much so that they had swapped night time readings of chapters from books for Steve’s real life stories, most of them being pulled straight from the streets of Brooklyn or Manhattan during Steve’s own childhood or adulthood pre-serum. 

“One more.” Steve caved and Jamie shrieked with delight. “But!” he continued in a warning tone, “You have to be quiet.”

Jamie stilled immediately and clapped his little hands over his mouth before he turned and ran, diving back on his bed. Steve chuckled and made his into Jamie’s room, as the two year old climbed under his Iron Man Duvet cover (Thank you Tony for that one…) and peered up at Steve as he settled down next to him, his son setting under his arm, snuggling into the crook of his arm against his chest.

“Did I ever tell you about the time that I went to the theatre and-”

Katie didn’t wait for Steve to come back down, she knew full well that he would have been coerced into one more story. Their son had his dad wrapped around his little finger, and Steve at times found it simply impossible to say no. She glanced up at the clock, noting that it was almost nine… they could watch the film in bed. She turned the TV and lights off, she took the empty glass and bottle into the kitchen, let Lucky out for a pee whilst she made sure all the doors were locked before letting the now slightly older and slower dog back in.

“You staying here tonight Luck?” she asked, and the dog yawned, stretching as he rolled onto his back in the dog basket which was placed in the hallway under the stairs. “Take that as a yes then…” she scratched behind his ears before standing up and creeping up the stairs to the door of her son’s room, which was open enough for me to peek through. She loved Steve’s stories almost as much as Jamie did, if not for the same reasons. Jamie loved their action and adventure, often joining in with his own loud whoops and laughs, but Katie simply loved listening to Steve’s voice as he narrated. His tone would change from low and dramatic to loud and comical, and Katie found it simply adorable. A pure, unadulterated moment of love between father and son that made her heart swell every single time she watched or overheard.

“And then, all of a sudden this man appeared, in the alley way. And I didn’t have anything to protect myself with. So I picked up a trash can lid, and held it…right here, like a shield…” Steve said, drawing his arm across his chest. “Like Cap?” Jamie said, thrusting his Captain America bear at his dad.

“Just like Cap, yeah buddy…” Katie smiled to herself, Jamie was still too young to really understand about their history with the Avengers. He knew about who the Avengers were, well what he could grasp as a two year old thanks mainly to Tony and Natasha, but he had no idea about his dad’s alter ego. And for now, it wasn’t important, they were just a normal family and long may it stay like that. Katie watched as Steve continued to talk as he sat up on Jamie’s bed, his back against the headboard as his mini-me, led besides him, looking up at his father, eyes wide and full of adoration. These were the moments that brought out all of Steve’s best characteristics, and Katie simply loved him all the more for it. Smiling to herself she headed into their bedroom and tossed her clothes aside before she stepped into the shower in their en-suite.

Steve could read his son’s body language like a book, and about ten minutes after his super hearing heard Katie leaving where she had been stood outside the room listening, he could feel him starting to droop slightly, one small hand was fisted into Steve’s white t-shirt, the other was in front of his small face, thumb in his mouth as his index finger gently rubbed against that Stark nose. A few moments later he glanced down and in the dim glow of the dinosaur night light he saw his son was fast asleep. Gently, he moved and stepped off the bed, tucking the duvet up under Jamie’s chin before he stooped, dropping a kiss onto his head, his hand gently caressing the shock of blonde hair. With a last look back he closed the door to, leaving it open just a chink, and headed into their room.

Katie was just emerging from the en-suite wearing a bathrobe, long hair piled up on her head.

“He has you wrapped around his finger.” she grinned, sliding her hands up her husband’s chest.

“Oh, and you don’t?” he muttered, hands connecting at the bottom of her spine.

“You gonna read me a bed time story then, Captain?”

“I got a better way of getting you to sleep.” he murmured, dropping his lips to hers, and she grinned as he backed her towards the bed, “there’s only one problem.” “Oh yeah?” she asked, as his arms pulled her closer, his lips trailed down her neck, mopping up the speckles of water from the shower that remained.

“Yeah, this is in the way.”

He softly kissed at that spot beneath her ear, his hand dropping to the belt of her robe. She grinned as he pulled at the tie and gently shrugged the robe off Katie’s shoulders, allowing it to drop to the floor as his lips claimed hers again. He wrapped an arm round her back, tugging her onto her toes so he could take a nipple in his mouth and she let out a groan as she looked downwards, moving her hands to undo the chords on his sweat pants.

“Off.” she muttered, pulling at the bottom of his t-shirt. He released her temporarily so she could slide it up, before he pivoted and dropped them both onto the bed, trapping her in between his hands and legs.

A familiar warmth exploded along her lower abdomen as he kissed her, one hand on the side of her face, the other sliding to her hip and across her stomach, making its way slowly between her legs. She arched her back and groaned as he slipped two fingers inside her, feeling him smirk against her neck.

“Fucking drenched aren’t you, sweetheart?”

She let out another groan at his words, “Only for you.” A low growl rolled in the back of his throat as he slammed his mouth onto hers, shucking off his sweats as he began to kiss her chest, then stomach, before going down her legs.  He set his mouth to her, lapping at her, her sweet, salty tang so familiar yet so delectable, and as he worked her, it was all she could do to mewl softly, and grip one hand in his hair as she writhed at his touch. His tongue flicked strongly and he sucked at her gently, before upping the pace as she cried out gently, trying so hard to keep the noise down. Steve continued to tease and nibble and when he took her swollen clit between his lips again Katie let out a silent scream as her orgasm hit her hard, causing her knees to turn inwards, squeezing around his head, involuntarily. She fell back against the pillows with a sigh of satisfaction and looked down as Steve crawled back up her body, leaning forward, placing his hands on either side of her head.

“God you’re gorgeous.” he said, making her grin before he crashed his lips onto hers, the sudden action drawing a small grunt from her mouth. She reached down taking him in her hand and he took in a sharp breath as he pulled away from her mouth, sliding his fingers down her legs. He moved her legs apart and pushed into her with a low sigh of satisfaction leaving both their lips before he began to move, burying his face into her neck, nipping at the spot under her ear gently. She keened underneath him as he grew more urgent with his thrusts, her eyes locking onto his as he gripped her hands at either side of her head, leaning back down to kiss her fervently. He was hard, fast, desperate for hris release and she met each of his thrusts fervently with her own hips happy to give herself to him. 

“So good,” He praised in a low voice, dragging his face against her hair before he looked at her. “I’m close, tell me you are…”

Katie responded with a moan, “Stevie.” and then her legs shook and she came again, closing her eyes as she tightened around him, burying her face into his neck to stifle her noises as the spasms came involuntarily around him again and again.

“Oh, fuck, Doll.” he stuttered, biting his lower lip as his eyes fluttered closed before his rhythm stilled and he let out a soft groan as he came, the utter bliss consuming him fully. He fell forward, head dropping into the hollow of his wife’s neck to catch his breath, his body slumped on top of hers, his familiar weight pressed her into the mattress as they both came down from their high. Katie ran her fingers through his hair, pressing soft kisses along his shoulder as her nails gently scratched at his scalp, causing Steve to hum out a soft sigh of contentment as he lay still, enjoying her touch.

“Stevie?” she muttered.

“Yeah?” “How long do you think we have before Jamie realises he can climb the baby gates now?”

“I’m amazed he hasn’t already.” Steve leaned up on his elbows to look down at his wife “Why?”

“Because I think we might need to invest in a lock for our door.” she grinned “For when you’re reading your baby momma her bedtime story.”

Tags

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[lovemesomesurveys]

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? 44%.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Cancer and diabetes. 

Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say? My mom. We were talking about the story being covered on 48 Hours on the ID channel.

What's your favourite Mexican dish? I like burritos, especially from this local Mexican restaurant. It’s simple, just beans, rice, cheese, cilantro, sour cream and guacamole, but it’s so good. I like to have this gravy and cheese dip on the side for dipping, too.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, I’ve been to a hockey game once.

How far do you live from New York City? I’m all the way across the country on the opposite side in California. 

How often do you talk to your parents? We live together, I see and talk to them all the time.

Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I just used pads. TMI, but I say “used” because I don’t have a menstrual cycle anymore due to health reasons.

What was the weather like in your town today?  It’s supposed to be 77 F today. It’s slowly been starting to cool down. I need it to drop down more for my liking, though.

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot?  Yes, but for some reason whenever I’m asked this I can’t think of an example.

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? One.

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, my childhood birthday cakes were ordered from a cake shop.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? In the Tall Grass on Netflix with my mom and brother.

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Derek.

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but a few times a week.

What accent do you have? As a Californian I feel like I don’t have one, but I guess it would be a Californian one? *shrug* Like I said, I don’t feel like I have one but everyone does. It’s not distinctive like someone from Boston or North Dakota, ya know? Ha, I Googled Californian accent and it even says, “Their accent is indeed similar to General American, meaning it sounds to American ears like it isn't an accent at all. Everyone has an accent, however.”  Then it talks about how we pronounce certain sounds/words differently and some of our sayings and slang. Ha, it also brings up how if anything, non-Californians would probably think of a Californian accent being valley-girl or surfer dude, which yeah that’s true people do tend to associate us with that and words like “hella” and “stoked.”

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It’s a pumpkin cinnamon scent or something like that.

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? I’ve never had a job.

How about the worst? --

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, I have wavy hair.

What is your ultimate goal in life? I don’t know. 

Have you ever visited someone in prison? Yes.

What months were you and your siblings born in?  I was born in July, my younger brother was born in February, and my older brother was born in November.

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them?  Yeah.

What are your three favourite vegetables? Potatoes, spinach, and broccoli. 

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? I check Facebook and a few other social medias a few times a day.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? It gets stuffy now and then, but it doesn’t tend to last long. I haven’t had a real stuffy nose, like because of a cold, since earlier this year.

Who is your favourite comedian? I don’t have one.

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? White.

What did you have for dinner last night? Wingstop. 

What was the last concert you went to? Green Day back in 2009.

Are you an ugly crier? Yeah. I’m also just ugly.

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? It’s just Caress bar soap, it smells clean and soapy.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No.

Who do you live with? My parents, brother, and doggo.

What letter does your street name begin with? --

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I pluck them.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few months ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? Not a popsicle kind of gal, really.

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? My aunt. She was just checking in and seeing how I’ve been doing.

Do you have any injuries at the moment? Yes.

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? I’ve been to the optometrist numerous times, but I don’t think an ophthalmologist. 

Do you own any animal print clothes? No, not my style.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I’m short and “I wish I was a little bit taller.”

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? Hm, I don’t recall. My mom or brother always pick up my medicines for me, I haven’t gone in awhile.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? Yeah. My current binge-watch is Sabrina: The Teenage Witch (the one from my childhood with Melissa Joan Hart). 

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? Yep. Twice. Not a fun time...

Do you keep your files and documents organized in one place? Unfortunately, no. I’d like to be organized with that kind of stuff.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? I don’t bake anymore, but I used to like making cupcakes or cookies during the holidays.

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? Ha, no. I’m too awkward. There’s been times I thought it was obvious I was interested only for them to be like, “I had no idea.” 

What did you have for breakfast today? It’s 1:22AM.

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Savory.

Do you like chick-flicks? Yeah.

Have you ever taken an acting class? Yes, which is really shocking for someone as shy and awkward as I am. I actually took two while at community college.

What is your favourite kind of berry? I don’t have a favorite. I really only like strawberries out of the berry choices, but I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had any.

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? I’ve been watching some of my favorite horror movies. I plan on watching a lot this month.

How often do you use Youtube? Quite often.

Do you prefer Prince or Michael Jackson? I like more Michael Jackson songs, but I like some Prince songs as well.

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? Not sure about “the coolest.”

Are you ignoring anyone right now? I guess that’s what it’s called when you don’t respond to messages or make any attempt to contact or reach out to them. :/ That was never the intention and even now it’s still hard to admit that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing the past few years. They eventually stopped trying to reach out and I don’t blame them. I’m such a shitty person.

How do you usually style your hair? I throw it up in a pony tail or bun; not much styling going on.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope.

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? I’ve never worked at a store. I’ve witnessed it happening while shopping at stores, though.

When was the last time you used a stove? I just made my ramen.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Insects, seafood, stuff like bull testicles, etc. 

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m sitting on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? Zero.

What was the last pill or tablet you took? My pain medication.

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? Just down the street.

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? My mom.

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? “Even if you’ve slept plenty” ha, right.

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? Nope.

The age old question: dogs or cats? Dogs.

When was the last time you saw your best friend? I see her everyday, all the time. We live together. She’s my mom. 

Do you know any couples who resemble each other? No, but I’ve seen couples who do.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? Nope.

Are you tired right now? I always am. <<<

Do you like spring rolls? Yeah.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Lane.

How many purses or handbags do you own? Six. Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles?  There’s one uncle we don’t talk to for reasons, but otherwise yeah. I haven’t seen any of my aunts or uncles in awhile, some I haven’t seen in years, but there’s no drama with them. I have one aunt that I’m really close to, though.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yes.

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? I used a pen yesterday.

What's your favourite type of curry? I don’t eat curry.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? It happens. Brain fog.

Who makes you laugh the hardest? My mom and brother.

Have you ever had casual sex? No.

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Food.

What's the last letter of your middle name? Nah.

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope.

How long is your hair? Down to my butt.

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? The first pet whose name I picked was our dog, Scruffy, when I was about 4 or 5. I’m not sure how I chose that name. Do you drink diet or regular soda? Regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to.

Do you worry about your own health? Always. Yet, I admittedly don’t do some things I should be doing. I certainly could be doing a lot more.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? Uhh, I made plans to watch something on Netflix with my mom tomorrow haha. Those are the only kind of plans I make nowadays.

Can you smell anything right now? My ramen.

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? 15.

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? I got a new pair for my birthday from my mom. All the shoes I have were birthday or Christmas gifts, to be honest. I don’t recall the last time I bought a pair of shoes myself.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? No. Or any kind of juice, period.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yeah.

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? I’d like if it were cold enough to need a blanket. We’re still not there yet in California even though it’s almost mid-October. :(

How tall are your highest heels? I don’t wear heels. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? Good ol’ vanilla is the best, but I like strawberry, lemon, and cream cheese as well.

When did you wake up today? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, it’s 3:58AM.

Do you change your appearance often? No. I haven’t in quite awhile.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Why? Yes.

How many people do you work with?

What was the last thing you ate? Ramen.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? Probably attempt sleep.

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? Yeah, it’s frustrating.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

[asweethistory]

Castles of the Loire Valley

Devil’s Food Chocolate Cider Ice Cream with a Strawberry Syrup Swirl 

I Ate a Baguette at Bluebeard’s Castle (written for my Food Memoir Class)

I

We set up outside the crumbling battlement, on the banks of the La Crûme river. It was overcast, but not raining, although the tall and thick dark green grass was damp from some morning drizzle. The students spread out, and my best friend, Rachael, and I got comfortable, resting on a slight hill. Opening up the bags our host mom had handed us earlier that morning, we found one long baguette, some cheese, a tomato accompanied by two tiny salt packets, a small orange, and a full-size lavender-wrapped Milka chocolate bar. Even though neither of us actually ate the tomato, since being American we weren’t prepared to even conceptualize eating one as if it was an apple, I can taste the salt and acid as if I did. We knew our lunch made everyone else with their simple sandwiches jealous.

We crunched on baguette ends, watching white swans swim slowly past us. Trees hung towards the water, their branches doing what I wished I could do with my limbs. It couldn’t have been much more than 60 degrees, but the cool grass, low breeze, and gentle water made me feel like it was a carefree summer day. I wanted to roll down hill into the swatches of green and blue.

Our backdrop was Bluebeard’s castle, Château de Tiffauges; partly in ruins, it was situated less than an hour drive from our home base, Nantes, France. It didn’t seem anymore formidable than any other medieval castle in the countryside, but in 15th century France, Gilles De Rais, who is more commonly referred to as Barbe-Bleue, bluebeard, did many horrible things within its walls. Before lunch, we took a tour of the castle that focused on the preservation of medieval war machines, archery games in which we didn’t take part, and a short silhouette animation, which briefly explained, in terms appropriate for a younger age range, Bluebeard’s barbarism.  So we were able to lunch with no real sickly feelings.

Years later, I learned Bluebeard had been a knight who had fought in the same battles against the English as did Joan of Arc, had been awarded Marshal of France, and became incredibly reckless with his fortune. He built his own chapel and produced a 20,000-line play that required 500 extras, the costs of which necessitated the sale of some of his properties. Bluebeard sought to learn about alchemy and evocation, the art of rousing spirits, in order to save the state of his finances. After many failed attempts to summon a demon named Barron at the 12th century Château de Tiffauges, Bluebeard offered a child as sacrifice. A trial in 1440 revealed that Bluebeard had begun assaulting and murdering children during the spring of 1432. For eight years, Bluebeard, with the help of his cousin and body servants, abused, wounded, decapitated, disemboweled, and burnt the remains of over 100 children. Only under the threat of torture did Bluebeard confess. Charged with murder, heresy, and sodomy, Bluebeard was executed by hanging and burning.

As an eighth grader, I was bused up to the gates of the castle centuries later. This was the first excursion we took in the ten days we had in the country. By selling pizza and bags of chips, we students had raised half the money we needed to go on the trip. This journey to France was the first of three similar trips I’d take with my school between eighth grade and high school graduation. Each one brimmed with memories, but this first one, spent mainly in and around Nantes, included many independent firsts: First mushroom galette eaten outside on a cobblestone street, first Moroccan meal at a restaurant that included lemon sorbet served in the shell of the largest lemon I had ever seen, and first time experiencing a five-course meal.

II

This extraordinary meal, a couple days after the visit to Bluebeard’s castle, concluded our trip to Clisson, a picturesque town with a lovely river, parks, and Gothic architecture. We were told to meet at 5 p.m. at the fancy restaurant, and in the time before that a group of us left to explore. Rachael and I, a couple other friends, and French teacher-turned-chaperone stopped for lunch at a place with a balcony overlooking the water. We all ate spaghetti alla carbonara and drank cider purchased by the chaperone, who explained that it hardly had alcohol in it. Then we went off on our own — walking under bridges, crossing lime green trimmed lawns, and brushing up against climbing lilac wisteria. My modest point-and-shoot camera failed at capturing the light, sunshine, and subtle warmth of the day.

We passed by the 13th century Château de Clisson. Old looking but prettier than Bluebeard’s, we knew nothing of it, but its presence seemed to follow us wherever we walked. Perhaps its palpable aura was due to Jeanne de Clisson, whose third husband, Oliver de Clisson IV, was the wealthy owner of the Château bearing his name. Jeanne is rumored to haunt its grounds. After Oliver was executed without publicly demonstrated evidence, Jeanne decided to come after the French King. She not only raided castles, massacring those who resided there, but she also employed three warships, whose flagship, black with red sails, was named My Revenge. As a pirate, Jeanne, known as “The Lioness of Brittany,” hunted French ships, burned French villages, and aided British forces. All I knew though, lying beneath her castle’s gates as the waters of La Sèvre Nantaise passed languidly below, was peace.

Just as the sun was setting, we joined the rest of the students outside of a two-story stone home. As we waited the boys plucked snails off a low wall and taunted us. “This is going to be our dinner,” they said. “They harvest them right here. Why don’t you try one now?” Dinner did include escargot, my first, but it also included shrimp in puff pastry, a vegetable pasta dish, salad, a cheese course, and dessert, which for me was a large individual serving of crème brulee. Rachael had a whole apple tart to herself, although the crust was very, very thin. It was difficult to walk back to the bus.

III

The next day was lighter. Traveling west towards the coast, we reached Pornic, a seaside village. Clear water lapped at the stone walls beneath us, as I licked a cone of the freshest strawberry sorbet from a roadside stand. The smooth pink was refreshing and cooling, although the day wasn’t particularly hot. There was a sense of excitement being so close to water for us land-locked teenagers from New Mexico. The town itself was refreshing in a way, then, and our experience was continuously sweet. At a small restaurant nearby, my friends studied a menu that had no English translations. I could only pick out one ingredient on the crêpe list: pomme de terre, which means potato but literally translates to apple of the earth. The language barrier held firm and instead of the expected potato-filled pancake, Rachael and I received crêpes filled with hot cinnamon-scented apples. As eighth-graders, though, we of course welcomed dessert for lunch.

Continuing our exploration of the town, we walked the opposite direction from Château de Pornic, a symbol of the town closed off to visitors. We were more interested in the twisting and turnings of the old city’s streets anyhow. Originally built to defend the port, for a time, the castle was also known as Château de Barbe Bleue, one of Bluebeard’s many properties. It was in his procession until the time of his trial when it was confiscated. Its next owner, a lord, also lost the castle, this time due to the French Revolution. It lay in disrepair until the 19th century, when the architect François Bougoüin restored the building in the more Italianate style of Jeanne’s Château de Clisson. Having wandered a while, we stopped for something to drink. Outside of a bar with the castle high up in the distance, I tried, much to the horror of those around me, diabolo menthe, a bright emerald peppermint soda. It tasted exactly like toothpaste in the most enjoyable way. Another first, in another town with an enigmatic antique castle.

#loire valley #castles #bluebeard #jeanne de clisson #pornic #French History #ice cream

[kyleknight]

Parasomnia: Sleepwalking 1/2

oh yea babey we’re back to @xjawnx‘s demigod au. this part is getting a bit long, so I’m breaking it into two parts. warning for injuries and blood. probably should have put those warnings on some of the other bits too

~~~

“Did you actually get what you needed?” Awsten asked Otto.

It had been at least an hour since they left the farm. They had been walking in relative silence, since everyone was hyperaware of how their departure had been less than ideal. Awsten had been able to take them on one rainbow bridge early in their journey, but there hadn’t been enough moisture in the air since then to make any more. Which meant they had been on foot, under the summer sun, in the middle of Texas, for at least an hour.

“Yeah, I got it,” Otto said. “I put it in Jawn’s bag.”

“What? When?” Awsten stopped to turn and look at Jawn.

Jawn gave Awsten a look. “Probably when you were talking with Otto’s dad.” He opened his bag and took out something about the size of a lunch box. No, it was a lunch box. Jawn handed it to Otto.

“Is that a lunch box?” Geoff said. “I thought your dad—”

“My mom gave this to me,” Otto said. He unzipped the zipper holding it shut and held it open for them all to see.

Inside, the box was packed with sandwiches, fruit, snacks, juice… enough for the four of them to all eat and be full. Awsten gaped at it.

“Are you telling me you’ve had food in that thing the whole time?” he said.

“No!” Otto said. “I mean… maybe? It’s got a mind of its own. It puts whatever food it thinks I need inside.”

“But… there was a good chance that this thing had food,” Jawn said.

“Yeah, it always does,” Otto said.

Awsten struggled to resist the urge to yell at Otto for keeping lunch from them. Okay, no that wasn’t going to happen. “You’ve been keeping lunch from us!” he yelled. “I wasn’t gonna say anything because I felt bad for you! No more nice Awsten from now on!”

Otto rolled his eyes. “Gee, thanks. You wanna sit down right here and eat?”

It was kind of a shitty place for lunch, but they were all pretty hungry and none of them wanted to keep walking just to find a place out of the sun. The food was amazing, and as they ate, Awsten kept opening and closing the lunch box to see if it would give him the exact brand that he was thinking of. Eventually it did. Fucking nice.

They started walking again, which kinda sucked, but there wasn’t really a better way to travel to the mystery ghost town in the middle of the desert somewhere. As they kept moving, Awsten looked up at the sky and wondered briefly if his mom was watching out for him.

Then he wondered if she was sending those updates she promised to send to his human mom. He smiled, just in case she was showing her an image of where he was. Man, seeing Otto visit his dad was making Awsten miss her so bad. Next time they found a spring or something, he was definitely calling his mom.

The day passed slowly, uneventfully. The tension from the farm was soon gone, replaced by their usual comfortable camaraderie. Jawn pressed Otto for stories about growing up on a farm, and Otto entertained them for a while talking about all the ridiculous ways the animals had gotten stuck in various places and positions over the years.

“Must be nice, being a child of Demeter on a farm,” Geoff said.

Otto shrugged and smiled. “I mean, we never had a bad year. It was cool too, once I could start actually doing things. Making things grow and helping the animals out and all.”

“Hey, since you’re an actual cowboy, can you say ‘yeehaw’?” Awsten said.

Otto shoved at him. “Shut up.”

“YEEHAW!” Awsten yelled. “Ah’m Farmer Otto!”

“Gods, you’re the worst,” Otto laughed.

Quite unfortunately, the teasing was cut short by a dark cloud in the distance that was rapidly approaching them. Awsten drew his sword and stood in front of Geoff, useless and weaponless. He narrowed his eyes as he saw what was coming for them.

Stymphalian birds.

It looked like there were only half a dozen of them, but any number of those birds was bad news. Their sharp beaks gleamed in the late afternoon sun as they drew nearer to the group of demigods. Awsten winced, remembering his past encounters with those birds. He still had the scars.

“Stay together!” Awsten said, looking behind him at Otto and Jawn, who were also prepped for fighting. Jawn had his spear in his hands and was eyeing the birds with grim determination. Otto had his hunting knife.

Awsten spared a second to wish they had some kind of longer ranged weapon. For now, Jawn’s spear would have to do. And of course, he and Otto would be able to handle the birds once they were close enough.

The birds shrieked as they started swooping down towards Awsten. He couldn’t help his flinch. Because of it, his first swing with his sword went off course and missed his target. His mind filled with panic as the shrieks of the birds sounded loud in his ear—

But then someone was shoving him back, into Geoff’s chest. Jawn’s spear was a blur in Awsten’s vision as it sliced straight through two of the birds at once, dissolving them into dust.

“You okay?” Geoff said, helping Awsten to regain his footing.

“I’m fucking fine,” Awsten huffed. He pushed away from Geoff and concentrated on aiming at one of the evil little monsters. He swung his sword with a little more force than necessary, turning the bird into dust.

Okay, yeah he was feeling better now. Awsten checked on Otto, who wasn’t having much luck reaching the birds, but at least he wasn’t hurt. The remaining three birds flew up out of reach, shrieking at the demigods.

Awsten squinted up at the birds, nearly blinding his eyes with the direct bright sunlight. The birds split up, and for a moment, it looked like each of them were flying at one of the three armed demigods.

Until suddenly they veered off course and headed straight for Geoff. Two of them sent a small shower of sharp needlelike feathers shooting at Geoff.

“Oh shit,” Geoff said, trying to jump out of the way. He didn’t manage to miss all of the feathers though, and cried out in pain as they sliced his left arm.

“Fuck no!” Awsten yelled, swinging his sword right as Otto and Jawn both closed in to guard Geoff with their own weapons.

The three remaining birds burst into dust all at the same time.

Awsten was shaking. He looked around them, fearing that there was another swarm of the awful birds on their way. He didn’t see anything, but he still felt dangerously exposed out here in the open.

“Fuck, Geoff, how bad is it?” Jawn was saying behind him, carefully reaching out to hold Geoff’s arm.

Geoff winced and gasped as he moved his arm. There were eight of those horrible little feathers stuck in his arm. Awsten couldn’t stand looking at them. His old scars were flaring with phantom pain. He looked back at the skies. No birds, they were going to be okay.

“Okay, do you wanna sit down while I get these out?” Jawn said gently.

“We need to get out of the open,” Awsten said, sheathing his sword and peering ahead of them, hoping there was some kind of shelter coming up in their journey. Somewhere where they could take care of Geoff and maybe even rest for the night. Evening was coming soon.

“Awsten…” Otto began.

Awsten shook his head. “Otto, can you check your lunch box? See if there’s a bottle of water in there. I’m gonna make a bridge to get us somewhere safer.”

He looked at Otto, hoping to convey how he was feeling without words. This really wasn’t the best time to dig into his past with those particular monsters, just for the sake of explaining his desire to get the fuck away. Otto looked like he wanted to ask questions, but he was silent for a moment. Then he sighed and went over to Jawn to get the lunch box out of the bag.

“Geoff, are you gonna be okay for a minute?” Otto asked.

“Yeah,” Geoff said, although his voice was strained. Awsten still refused to look at him and the feathers in his arm.

Geoff was going to be fine. Eight feathers wasn’t that bad. Compared to— no, Awsten wasn’t going to think about that.

Otto pressed a water bottle into Awsten’s hand. Not that much, but it would have to be enough.

“Alright,” he said. He unscrewed the cap and reached out to grab Otto’s hand. “You all holding on?”

“Yeah,” Otto said after a second.

Awsten sprayed the water in the air in front of him and concentrated his power. The rainbow materialized at his feet. Awsten poured as much power as he could into the rainbow as it grew and pulled them off the ground, into the air. Higher, higher, high above the Texas landscape. Awsten fought back the momentary wave of vertigo and focused on making the bridge as long as he could.

Geoff gasped in pain again behind him, and Awsten flinched again, this time in guilt. He kept the rainbow bridge going, however, taking the demigods far away from the place where the birds attacked them.

The rainbow eventually had to drop to the ground again, and Awsten was relieved when he saw it was going to deposit them in a place full of shrubs and trees and piles of rocks that would offer shelter for the night.

Awsten turned as the rainbow ended so he could help catch Geoff before they all hit the ground. Unintentionally, as they landed on solid ground again, Awsten looked at Geoff’s arm. It was already soaked with blood. Fuck.

Geoff noticed Awsten staring in horror and he offered him a weak smile. “S’not that bad. Hey. Hey, Awsten. Nice rainbow road. Should play Mario Kart when we get back.”

Awsten groaned. “Jawn, better fix him up fast, he’s turning into a stupid gamer again.”

Otto chuckled as they helped ease Geoff down so he was lying against a nice smooth-looking rock. “I’ll kick your ass in Mario Kart when we get back, Geoff,” he said.

“Ha,” Geoff laughed. “No, you don’t.”

Jawn opened his bag of medical supplies and reached for the feathers still sticking out of Geoff’s bloody arm. “Alright, Geoff, don’t move too much.”

“Okay, I’m not going to be any help here,” Awsten announced loudly, walking away. “I’ll, um, set up camp, alright? See ya! I’m gonna get some, um, firewood!” And then he was practically running away.

He wasn’t far enough away when he heard Geoff yell in pain as Jawn started taking out the feathers.

#mani playing with words #demigod parx au #the real reason Im not posting more is bc Im tired as heck #stayed up too late working on the carknighters fic

[rinnnyxr]

-

1. I live on the Eastern Hemisphere. 2. My nails are painted a dark color. 3. There is someone else in the room with me. 4. It’s one of my relatives’ birthday today. 7. I ate breakfast this morning. 8. My favorite color is purple. 9. I have at least one sister. 10. I use Degree deodorant. 11. I live in a big city. 12. I hate the way my bedroom is decorated. 13. I would never have white walls unless there’s color in some of the furniture. 14. I still have braces on my teeth. 15. My birthday is in winter. 16. I usually read for fun. 17. I use Post-Its a lot. 18. I’m a vegetarian or a vegan. 19. I live in a really small state. country. 20. There is nothing to do in my town. 21. My parents are divorced. 22. I cannot stand when little kids curse. 23. I’m going out with my friends tonight. 24. I actually like staying at home sometimes. 25. One of my favorite things to wear is hoodies. 26. I follow sports, but I don’t play them. 27. My favorite color is unpopular. 28. I’m attending my first year of college this school year. 29. I hear a dog barking right now. 30. I have seen a dog and a catfight. 31. I drive a red car. 32. My laptop, or computer, is black. 33. One of my friends is really annoying. 34. I don’t smoke weed or do any other stupid drug. 35. I don’t have a job at the moment. 36. One of my friends has a baby of their own. 37. I have a boyfriend/girlfriend. 38. I go to parties often. 39. I’d rather use a fan than an air conditioner. 40. I watch a lot of YouTube videos. 41. I have a piece of jewelry that I wear all the time. 42. Sometimes I wish I can move far away. 43. I want to be a doctor when I’m older. 44. My siblings and parents fight all the time. 45. You can find my favorite animal at a zoo. 46. I brush my teeth three times a day. 47. My mom and I are really close. 48. I’m secretly really jealous of my sibling. 49. I love to take showers in the morning. It wakes me up. 50. I hate flip flops and I never wear them.

-

[1990]

Home Alone  Ghost Dances With Wolves Pretty Woman Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles The Hunt For Red October Total Recall Die Hard 2: Die Harder Dick Tracy Kindergarten Cop Back to the Future III Presumed Innocent Days of Thunder Another 48 HRS. Three Men and A Little Lady

[1991]

Terminator 2: Judgement Day Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves Beauty and the Beast The Silence of the Lambs City Slickers Hook The Addams Family Sleeping With the Enemy Father of the Bride The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear Fried Green Tomatoes Cape Fear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II Backdraft Star Trek IV: The Undiscovered Country

[1992]

Aladdin Home Alone 2: Lost In New York Batman Returns Lethal Weapon 3 A Few Good Men Sister Act The Bodyguard Wayne’s World Basic Instinct A League of Their Own Unforgiven The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Under Siege Patriot Games Bram Stoker’s Dracula

[1993]

Jurassic Park Mrs. Doubtfire The Fugitive The Firm Sleepless In Seattle Indecent Proposal In the Line of Fire The Pelican Brief Schindler’s List Cliffhanger Free Willy Philadelphia Groundhog Day Grumpy Old Men Cool Runnings

[1994]

Forrest Gump The Lion King True Lies The Santa Clause The Flintstones Dumb and Dumber Clear and Present Danger Speed The Mask Pulp Fiction Interview With the Vampire Maverick The Client Disclosure Star Trek: Generations

[1995]

Toy Story Batman Forever Apollo 13 Pocahontas Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Goldeneye Jumanji Casper Seven Die Hard: With A Vengeance Crimson Tide Waterworld Dangerous Minds Mr. Holland’s Opus While You Were Sleeping

[1996]

Independence Day Twister Mission Impossible Jerry Maguire Ransom 101 Dalmatians The Rock The Nutty Professor The Birdcage A Time To Kill The First Wives Club Phenomenon Scream Eraser The Hunchback of Notre Dame

[1997]

Titanic Men In Black Jurassic Park: The Lost World Liar Liar Air Force One As Good As It Gets Good Will Hunting My Best Friend’s Wedding Tomorrow Never Dies Face/Off Batman and Robin George of the Jungle Scream 2 Con Air Contact

[1998]

Saving Private Ryan Armageddon There’s Something About Mary A Bug’s Life The Waterboy Doctor Dolittle Rush Hour Deep Impact Godzilla Patch Adams Lethal Weapon 4 The Truman Show Mulan You’ve Got Mail Enemy of the State

[1999]

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace The Sixth Sense Toy Story 2 Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me The Matrix Tarzan Big Daddy The Mummy Runaway Bride The Blair Witch Project Stuart Little The Green Mile American Beauty The World Is Not Enough Double Jeopardy

-

amsterdam: messy hair, open-minded, old notebooks, the color black, smudged eyeliner, eye bags, gentle kisses, bruised knuckles, black coffee, sneaking out at midnight, starry skies, holding hands, blushing, wandering through cities /7

tokyo: soft smiles, looks intimidating, intelligent beings, mirror selfies, watching horror movies, rainy days, great sense of fashion, photography, writing poems, misty forests, fantasy books, the scent of vanilla, cats, green tea /6

london: powerful presence, conspiracy theories, astronomy, believes in fate, cares but doesn’t show it, late night talks, fuzzy socks, hot chocolate, genuine laughs, trying to be the better version of themselves, introverted /5

paris: oversized sweaters, roses, indie songs, coffee shops, longing after romance, nostalgia, ponytails, rosy cheeks, painted nails, taking polaroid pictures, pretty handwriting, playing the ukulele, thrift-shopping, freckles /6

I am: Amsterdam. 

[clubpenguinkiller]

all my copypastas up to date

Copypastas You don’t have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off. And while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the baby’s soft cartilage head into something a little more modern. It might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but let’s see where the dog is going with this. somebody once trolled me, successfully rickroll’d me im not the sharpest n00b in the thread… just took another one of my signature “dust baths” it’s like a regular bath only i roll around in a bunch of dust and sand and start screaming when it gets in my mouth and eyes. anyway don’t trust the government Oh, purple-moustached clever Waluigi. Thou art such a genius when it is thy time to attack Mario and Luigi! How thou attach springs to thy shoes, know I not! Why dost thou not have thy own video fame? Art thou enraged that thou dost not have one? Why dost thou fight the Mario brothers? Thou art negative and wicked when shooting fireballs at thy green plumber, thy foe! Why art thou always cranky? Art thy purple knickers in a knot? Perchance Alvin Earthworm annoyed thou with his Youtube video. Why art thou so tall and slim? Perchance a Power Flower fell in you mouth when thou wast a baby. Why dost thou wear a purple suit? I like thy violet outfit for its unique hue. Shouldst thy brother Wario and thou fight so repeatedly? Is Bowser the Dragon-turtle you fiendish companion? I dost wonder what it wouldst be like to be friends with Bowser and thou. Dost thou own the Vicious Petey Piranha Flower? Dost thou like the kind Princess Peach? If thou couldst own a Yoshi wouldst thou? Thou art so sly and crafty our slippery Waluigi. Dost thou fight Geno the Explorer dangerously? Why art thou not in Super Smash Bros Brawl? Perchance thou art sad for being excluded from that rough game. Why art thou so nimble when thou escape the police? Thy symbol is an upside down L. Oh, thou art sneaky, secretive and tricky, mine own Waluigi! Ohhh my god. Ohhh ,y god. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh THERE IT IS THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS. OH MY GOD. EAYEAYEYAYEAHEYAHEY EYAEAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAS. I FOOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. YEAH. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I FOUNDI IT FINALLY!!!!! YEAH!!!!! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I FINALLY FOUND IT. OH MY GODO. HOH MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. TAKE A LOOK AT HTIS EVERBODY. A LIVE SHINY PONYTA IN MY LEAF GREEN VERSION. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I FINALLY GOT IT. OH MY GOD my heart is beating 100 miles per hour. i was listening to my favorite band once again. Sum 41. No Reason. Live in Ontario 2005. after 25968 encounters I HAVE FINALLY GOT IT OH My god corre al gol, lo va a patear yyyy GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL!!!!!……QUE GOLAZOOOOO!!!! *churns butter very quickly I hope my last words are "see you in hell" spoken to my grandchildren at age 99 right before I cut out my tongue and live another 401 years 私は究極のミームだ I love everything about you Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum. stuffing your face as usual. I gotta have a good meal Garfield, you fat cat. You are so big and fat. Why are you so fat? I eat, Jon. it’s what I do it’s time to kick odie of the table dont do it garfielf, that’s our pet dog odie you’re going into orbit, you stupid mutt GAAAAARRRFIIIELD!!! time for a nap. I’m a cat who loves to snooze (echoing) garfield you lazy cat I hate alram clocks I’m am hungry I want some lasaga you’re eating us out of house and home, GARMFIELD enough with The Chit Chat let’s get some grub going GRUB TIME… where Are the 3-cheese pizzas I ate those food where Are the tacos shells ? I ate those food where did all the hamburger helper go *brup* You’re such a bad kitty that’s it I’ve had it with you that does it I’m done that’s the last straw grarfileld Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow [Chorus:] Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older But the media men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. [Chorus 2x] Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow. [Chorus] And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uU_eaXsPxOY "You'll never stop me!" I shout, running away. My body transforms into a small bee, and as I fly off, I turn around and shout, "You can't stop me! No one can stop me!!" I hit a glass door and fall to the floor. As I lay there, withering in pain as my small bee body dies a slow death, I whisper, "But I never said nothing could stop me." My body looses all movement as my lifeless corpse lays on the cold floor. A single tear runs down your cheek as you whisper, "Godspeed, honey man." HAPPY fourth of July! Hello! My name is Jeremy Frederick Wilson, but you can just call me… Bombittyboo! I know, yet again, I have not been dedicating, enough time to my vlog. However, today, I’ve created a new interpretive dance and poem routine! I hope this is the climax, the outcome, of all my creative juices, since my last interpretive dancing vide which was from over a year ago. Well anyway, this poem is in the format of an english sonet. I hope you really like it, and I hope you like it as much as me. Again, HAPPY fourth of July! I hope you all celebrate it carefully, and wisely! Well, here goes nothing! I hope you enjoy it! Oh so, so many years before today, our founding fathers with their many signatures, sculpted the greatest nation, as some say, one that too this day, still grows, and matures. This, our home. This, our country that we love. That we still celebrate, July fourth. The men who made us completely free of… British tyranny. Which reined south and north. Free from this! We join together in bliss. To honor all those, who came before us. But we do not just sit and reminisce. We look to the future, as we discuss. The bright prospects of our nation so dear. Which much proceed with strength, and lacking fear. Hey guys its Sam hi here with more tips for your everyday life, helping you out, bringing you wisdom. Hey im 27 I’ve been there I’ve done that I’ve been around the block. This next tip has to do with relationships. Love, romance, whatever you wanna call it. I’m gonna give you a surefire way to get her, your special someone, wrapped around your little finger. I mean they’re gonna be just.. Ooohh thinking about you all day. Here’s how you do it. You have to awaken the motherly instinct. You have to get your sweetie, your sweetie pie, to awaken her biological, uh, genetic motherly instinct. and it’s very easy to do. I’m gonna show you how to do it. Kay? You ready? Here we go. (gets on hands and knees) Mommy! Mommy! (smacking lips)Baby Sammy want milk! (slurping) Gimme milky! Mommy! Mooommy! Mommy mommy!! Mom! Mommy! Mommy Sammy want milk! (slurping) Baby Sammy hungry! Baby Sammy Hungry!! I want milk!! WAAAAAAH!! Gimme milky! Gimme milky! Gimme milk! Wah wah wah!! Baby want milky! Here comes the baby! Baby Sammy hungry! (crawling) Baby Sammy want milky! (approaching) Gimme milky!! Gimmy milk! Here I come! I want milk!! GIMME TIT MILK! GIMME TIT MILK!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK!!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK NOW! GIMME THE TIT MILK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯ I came here to have a good time but I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. It’s a metaphor, see? You crave that mineral, but you don’t give it the power to have an extra hour with the ball pit. Oh sad frog, if only there was someone out there who loved you, but my anaconda don’t noot noot unless you talk dirty to me and make me squart across the room. Even if the girl kissed the boy, your fave is problematic – John Green is the zodiac killer, Luigi is giving the death stare, and it’s actually blood orange. Free him! Not all starter kits are for stealing her look, but sometimes you have to eat Lay’s chips during peach time and submerge unnecessary color palettes in bluespace, covering them in text posts for the aesthetic. I told my bae to come over because my parents aren’t home, but girls don’t like boys, they like the selfie olympics. the way they just [clenches fist] olympic all those selfies. According to the science side, “The average skeleton fights in war for 31 days” very factoid, much statistical error. The average skeleton fights in war for 0 days. Skeleton Georg, who uses tumblr pro, wears a fedora, and has fought in the skeleton war for all eternity, is an outlier and should not have been counted. You’ll never see the last meme of 2014 the way Garcia Lopez de Cardenas saw it, but that’s none of my business. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall. [Muffled Flappy Bird Music Plays in the Distance] neopets is honestly a horrifying and disturbing look into the faults of late capitalism and the unfettered exploitation inevitable in unregulated economic systems like first you have the ridiculous inflation rate caused by the ease of which you can generate new neopoints. it’s like the post-WWI germany thing—if you keep printing money, it loses its value. similarly, as people play games, play habitarium, use the stock market, (basically any way of earning neopoints that doesn’t involve rsing from the NPC shops) they’re not actually exchanging currency cyclically like economies rely on—they’re just making it out of thin air. 10,000 neopoints today was 1,000 neopoints a few years ago. even avatar items that have been around for a while have soared from 300k to 3 mil. inflation is further worsened by a few things. one is that there are very few neopoint sinks (only notable examples are the main shops, wishing well, paid dailies, and slots) and only ONE that works even remotely efficiently. they had the save the wheels neopoint sink a few years ago to try to combat the problem, which only fucked things up worse. in order to incite people to sink their neopoints, they offered prizes to people who donated a lot. but the prizes themselves, both during the event and after, just encouraged people to generate more neopoints to donate and get prizes. it’s also awful because kids don’t play neopets anymore. in a capitalist system there’s always relative poverty, but the poor are disappearing. do you want to play a game where anything worth doing costs more than you could ever dream of earning? how is an 8 year old going to learn how to restock draik eggs? poverty in neopia is earning, like, 33k a day, and richness is incomprehensibly huge. we’re talking billions, trillions. wealth disparity is huge with no regulatory system helping out the lowest tier, and the rich get richer with bigger interest, bigger stocks, and more wiggle room with auction sniping the supply/demand is so integral to everything you do, buy, or take part in. you have things like codestones that generally stay constant (in the 3-7k range, with some inflating 20-40% around war time when people are training more because hello demand!) and things like junk items that you think could NEVER inflate because the supply is so high suddenly inflating 1,000,000% or more in a day due to a site event. and the staff actually have NO IDEA how to fix it. save the wheels? fucked up. portal plot? hilarious. there are rules against hoarding items just to raise the price, but how do you control that? bread costs less than rotten tomato salads. if you earn 16k a day (about average if you’re casual) it would take you 59 years to save up for a dark faerie wand. hell will eventually be sucked into the vortex of neopets.com and we will all despair and i will be richer than all of you In ancient Greek mythology, Pygmalion was a highly accomplished Cypriot sculptor. Though skilled at imitating the human form, and well acquainted with it's subtleties, he became disgusted by it when he witnessed the Propoetides prostituting themselves. These women were punished by Venus for their lack of worship with a coarseness of skin and a crudeness of nature, and were then forced into prostitution. Seeing this, Pygmalion the sculptor was repelled and could no longer appreciate women. Seemingly alone, Pygmalion sought to create for himself a perfect, pure, unsullied companion. He used his particular skills to this end: he created a statue bride. What you are about to watch is a mysterious video. It's origin is attributed variously, and almost certainly spuriously, to various abstract artists or surrealists. The truth is that what we are seeing, and what we perceive to be strange and disturbing, is actually beauty to it's creator. Perhaps what we are viewing is the work of a modern Pygmalion. To him, her toneless voice, the paleness of her skin and the comparative vibrancy of her lips may indeed be the very embodiment of a perfect woman... Consider the mind-scape of the creator. In whose mind does this appear beautiful? In whose mind is this pure, near worshipful? Are we missing out on his perspective? Who are we to be afraid or to judge them? He may well love her fully, perhaps more fully than any of us could ever hope to be loved. In the mind of her creator, she is a near goddess; the perfect representation, not just of femininity, but the peak of human potential. A perfectly satisfactory being. How does that kind of unconditional love feel? Well, how does she feel? Fantastic. The "Swing Daddy" of the piano, Artie Antlers was one of the early cabaret characters at Pizza Time Theatre. Artie sang with a deep soulful voice, and his style of music ranged from boogie-woogie, to swing, to early Rock and Roll. He often referred to himself as "moose-ical" and also played up the moose theme by making quotes such as "this Moose is loose". Artie was used in the early 1980s, and was the final culmination of the characters of Elkton John and Glen Camel who were mentioned in the original 1977 PTT Program but never put into production. He was originally announced in 19793, and debuted during the first half of 1980. He originally appeared at three of the earliest Pizza Time Theatre locaions - San Jose (Kooser), Concord, and Sacramento, replacing Dolli Dimples in the Cabaret (then known as the Piano Bar Lounge). Artie Antlers was voiced by Jim Cunningham, a jazz artist whose band "The High Time Octet" had been written up in national papers. Jim was hired by the ad agency of Foote, Cone & Belding and flown from Denton, TX to do the recording at Wally Heider Studios in San Francisco. The piano player on the tracks was a man who played for the Pointer Sisters, and the entire recording session happpened over the course of only four days. Artie dressed in a flashy blue tux, and originally had a black nose which was later removed. Mechanically, Artie was identical to Dolli Dimples (minus the breast movement) – the duo can be seen together at the factory here. Shortly after his introduction, Artie required a retrofit for his antlers which were originally made of wood and broke easily. A styrofoam version was created that was more durable and did not break from the characters movements. During the very early 1980s, Artie was used widely on PTT merchandise, appearing in print on items such as calendars and annual reports. He was also featured on items such as the “Chuck E. Cheese Cube” and other redemption items. Despite his prominent exposure and usage, Artie was never given a second showtape - in 1982 when Dolli Dimples was renewed for a second tape, a new character was introduced named B.B. Bubbles instead of new material for Artie. Aspects of Artie Antlers were used in ideas for new retrofits, such as a Davy Crockett style retrofit for Artie, and a lumberjack character retrofit for The King, however neither materialized past the concept art stage. sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve roasted you before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say i bullied you because you’re gay and have different skin. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt. i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from her royal hoodrat olive and all of her nasty friends. but you can gang up on me and make fun of me for being goth all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad screams if i forget to do my chores, and there are some days i don’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings. i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try asking the cutest guy in your grade out in the middle of the cafeteria only to find out he has a fucking girlfriend. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won. i’m a jaded teenage girl👸. i’ve been through shit💩that you wouldn’t even dream☁️🌜 of. you think💭 your life is hard?😁😣👿 try asking💬❓ the cutest😙😻 guy👱in your grade👦👱👧👩👸👲 out in the middle of the cafeteria🍔🍟🍕 only to find out😨 he has a fucking girlfriend👫💏💔. you don’t👎 know my life or my story📖📚 so keep my name👸 out of your nasty mouth👅💩. life is a battlefield💣🔫🔪 and it looks👀 like i’ve already won👌 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit I AM GAY! GAY! GAY! I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. I’M A SUPER SUPER GAY I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. Now once again, I would like to make this very clear. I AM GAY! GAY! GAY! I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. I’M A SUPER SUPER GAY I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. Thank you for your attention and I hope for your support. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanama….Hana, Hana, Hanamura. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanama….Hana, Hana, Hanamura. Teru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanamura! Hanamura! Hanamura! He’s a cook. He’s a cooooook. He’s a cook, cook, cook. Hanamura! Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Teru. Teru. Teruteru! Teru. Teru. He’s the cook. He’s the cook at the Super High School Level. Cook! Cook! He’s a cook. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! It’s Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hanamura! Hanamura! High School Level Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! He’s kinda plump, plump and round. Flirts with everyone. (guys and girls) (guys and girls) (guys and girls) He flirts with them all. Flirts with them all. And he loves his mom! Mom! Mom, happy mommy’s day. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hanamura! Hanamura! He’s Super High School Level Cook! He’s the cook at Dangan Ronpa! Super Dangan Ronpa 2! Goodbye, goodbye, despair academy! Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye to despair! Des-des-despair academy! Academy on a tropical island. On a tropical island. Trop-trop-tropical island of hope and despair! Hope and despair, it’s Teruteru Hanamura. Hanamura. The cook at Super High School Level! Cook, cook, calls himself a chef. Cook, cook, calls himself a chef. At the highschool, at the highschool, super highschool, super highschool. Super Dangan Ronpa 2! 2! 2! 2! 2! It’s Teruteru Hanamura! Hanamura, he’s a cook. He’s a chef. He’s a cook who calls himself a chef. Chef, at the Super Highschool Level. Level! Level! Level! It’s Teruteru, Teruteru, Hanamuru. Teratera Hanamuru. He’s the cook, the cook, at the Super Highschool, Super Highschool, Super Highschool. I'M WITH STUPID (TRANSCRIPT) SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick's houses are seen. Patrick's house is shaking. SpongeBob knocks on it. Every time he does it closes. He opens it himself. Patrick is cleaning frantically. He featherdusts SpongeBob] Patrick: NEED...FURNITURE! [makes a lamp post model out of the sand; he then makes a sand drawer, television, stool, and a couch. The whole time he is still frantically mumbling] SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement? [Patrick barks like a dog and continues to clean]Hey, Patrick! Patrick: Oooooooh, sweep sweep!! SpongeBob: Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing. But I can see you're busy having an episode. Patrick: [Stops cleaning. his face turns mad] You know something, SpongeBob? It's just all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. [imitates SpongeBob] "Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do! Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has anything to dust or to clean or to wipe! Or fabricate!!!" SpongeBob: But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate. Patrick: [Patrick snaps out of being angry and starts crying] I don't know what to do, SpongeBob. You gotta to help me! SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel. Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob; it's worse. SpongeBob: Darn, I like the funnel. Well, what is it, then? Patrick: Look! [Takes out a rolled-up piece of paper from his belly button] SpongeBob: Hey, a note! [A sixteenth note is shown] Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over, there's a letter! [The letter B is shown] SpongeBob: You're right! Patrick: And, I got this message from my parents! [Hands out a smaller letter] SpongeBob: Your parents? [Reads the note out loud] "Dear Patrick, your mom and I are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day. Please try to remember, but don't try too hard, or you'll hurt yourself like last time. Love, Daddy". Patrick: SpongeBob, my parents think I'm dumber than a sack of diapers. SpongeBob: No, they don't, Patrick. Parents just like to push your buttons. Like this! [pushes Patrick's nipples and his eyes elongate]Nauuugh! Patrick: [Laughing] That always cheers me up. [His eyes go back to normal] But not today. SpongeBob: Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb, then they must not know what dumb really is. Patrick: But don't they watch television? SpongeBob: That's what I'm saying, Pat! If your parents got to meet a real dummy, they'd realize what a genius you really are! Patrick: But don't geniuses live in a lamp? And besides, we don't know any dumb people. SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick! I'll be the dummy! When your parents see how dumb I act, they'll think you're the smartest guy ever! Patrick: Math is power! [Bubble transition to the next day. Patrick is in front of his mirror] Patrick: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... [Doorbell rings] Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...! Janet: Should I get the bullhorn again, Marty? Patrick: W, X, Y and Z! [Marty doesn't realize the door has been opened and knocks on Patrick's head] Hi Mom, Hi Dad. Marty: Son! You recognized us this time! Patrick: Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents? Marty: You never were a bright one. [Patrick groans. Marty laughs] Well, aren't you gonna show us inside? Janet: He probably forgot where it is. Patrick: Well I know where it... Marty: Oh, let me lead the way so we don't get lost. [Patrick, Marty and Janet hold hands] Huh? Hold hands now! [Inside the house] Ok, we're almost there! Let go on three. One...two...three! [Marty and Janet let go of Patrick's hands on three] Janet: Good job! Marty and Janet: Pats for Patrick! [Both laugh as Patrick looks annoyed] Patrick: I'll go get the beverages. [Patrick leaves, then comes back with a tray with three drinks on it] Marty: Wow, son! You put the drinks in something this time! Ah, son, you must've been working all night to put these together for us. Janet and Marty: We love you! [Both kiss Patrick as he looks even more annoyed and groans] Patrick: [Doorbell rings] Hooray, the idiot's here! I mean, I'll get it! [Outside, SpongeBob is putting on his karate helmet] SpongeBob: Protective helmet, check. Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary! Gary: Meow? [Goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob: What could go wrong? [Patrick's rock opens] Patrick: What a surprise! SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Hi. Marty: Hello there! Janet: How do you do? SpongeBob: Hi. [Walks to Patrick's parents] Marty: Put 'er there. [SpongeBob puts a doll on his hand] Doll: Mama! Mama! Patrick: He means "shake". [SpongeBob shakes his entire body]No, SpongeBob, no! Shake hands! [SpongeBob shakes both his hands]No, SpongeBob! Grab my dad's hand. [Puts both his hands and his left leg on Marty's hand] Grab it with only one hand! [Puts his left leg and hand down] Good boy! Now move your arm up and down! [He moves his shoulder up and down. Patrick giggles] Janet: So, SpongeBob. Do you live nearby? SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: No, SpongeBob. Show them your house! [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and reveals a blouse]No, not your blouse! Your house! [SpongeBob screams and runs over to his house. He runs into the shell and gets stuck] Janet: He lives in a fruit? Marty: That's unhealthy. Patrick: [Giggling] Hey, SpongeBob! You wanna stay for dinner? [SpongeBob babbles like an idiot. Later, Patrick, Marty and Janet are watching television while eating TV dinners] Marty: Does he always do that after he eats? Patrick: Only on Wednesday. [Pan over to SpongeBob pushing his nose to reveal his underwear. When he lets go, his pants pull up by themselves. This is repeated a few times. SpongeBob makes an alarm sound after that. Patrick giggles] Marty: [Starts giggling with Patrick]Uh, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken. Patrick: Yeah. And it would take more than some masking tape to fix that guy. [SpongeBob balances on his nose while making a fire truck siren sound. Makes other various sounds] Marty: Whoa! Is he gonna be okay? Patrick: Oh, that's nothing. [Dolphin chirping] You should see him in the morning prancing around yelling "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm rea!" [Rooster crows] He drives all the neighbors crazy! [Horn] Why, just the other day, our neighbor Squidward was--- [SpongeBob jumps backwards over Patrick, Janet and Marty while making an elephant trumpet sound, then he crashes on the floor]. ---was really no help for him. [SpongeBob makes imprints of himself on the walls while making horn sounds] I mean, look at the way he's dressed. Only somebody with holes drilled in their head would wear that stuff! And how about his shape! I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested, but never box-chested! [Janet, Marty and Patrick laugh. SpongeBob frowns]Hey, SpongeBob do you have any mascara I could borrow? [Makes his eyebrows sound like elastic rubber bands] Marty: [Chuckles] The boy wears make-up? Janet: What a card! [Everyone laughs, except SpongeBob, who's now very annoyed] SpongeBob: [Confused] Hey, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick: Aw, he said my name. Marty: Wow, how'd you train him to do that? [SpongeBob is mad. He bites Patrick's finger] Patrick: Ow! He bit me! SpongeBob: Patrick, meet me in the kitchen! Patrick: Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation. [Janet and Marty laugh] A dumb one! [They laugh again, as SpongeBob and Patrick enter the kitchen] So, what's on your mind? Oh, wait, I already know the answer. Nothing! [Patrick laughs very hard] See, that's funny. 'Cause your dumb! SpongeBob: Patrick, could you let up on the insults just a little bit? Patrick: Oh, were those too complicated for you? I'll try dumbing them down a bit. SpongeBob: Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb! [glances at Patrick's t-shirt, "I'M WITH THE DUMMY" with an arrow pointing towards SpongeBob] Patrick: That's just what I'd expect you to say. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are. [Patrick drools] SpongeBob: I'm only pretending to be dumb! It was our plan, remember! Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could see how stupid you sound right now, with your talk of imaginary plans. Tell you what. You've caught me at a good mood. I'll humor you. Go on, go out there and act "smart" for everyone. SpongeBob: Ok, I will! [Takes off his helmet] Patrick: [Puts on helmet] And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for ya! SpongeBob: [In front of Janet and Marty, clears throat] I have a confession to make. I lied about being stupid. I just acted like a fool so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more. I know how to talk, and eat, and do laundry. I even separate the darks from the lights. So what do you say we start over and try again? Hi! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants. And I am not a dummy. Marty: [laughs] Amazing! Three minutes in the kitchen and our son has taught him to talk in complete sentences. Oh, good work, son! Patrick: It wasn't easy, dad. SpongeBob: [sputtering] But... but, but, but, but, but, but... Janet: It looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man! SpongeBob: Now, listen to me! I'm not dumb! I have a brain! See, here's a picture of it! [He shows them a small picture of his brain] Patrick: That must be actual size. [All laugh] SpongeBob: No! It's normal size and fully functional, watch. [Writes on Patrick's chalkboard] 2 plus 2 equals 4. Marty: Hoho, son! You taught him math too! SpongeBob:Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Marty: And you taught him to sing! [SpongeBob is blabbering and sputtering] Oh, now he's short-circuiting! You must have taught him a little too much. [SpongeBob imagines them all laughing hard. Marty and Janet look at each other and laugh; then they all do the can-can. He imagines the three popping out of SpongeBob's pores. SpongeBob is inside Janet, who is laughing, inside Marty, who is also laughing, inside Patrick, who is also laughing, inside his eye. SpongeBob screams and runs through the wall outside, running all the way back home] Marty: You know, son, I've always known that when it comes to brightness, well, you're about a three-watt. But this guy! He's a wet match in a dark cave. He makes phone operators seem smart! [clears his throat] But more importantly, son, he's shown me what a sharp, quick-witted boy you've become. [Hugs him] Ha! I feel like I'm really meeting you for the first time. Isn't that right, Janet? Janet: You bet, Marty! Patrick: [His eyes widen] Janet? Marty? Who are you people?! Janet: Marty! I'm scared! [Doorbell rings, then the rock opens up. Squidward, Herb and Margie are outside his rock] Squidward: Excuse me. Does this lovely couple belong to you? They've been standing outside my house saying "Where's Patrick?" all day! It's driving me nuts! Patrick: Mom! Dad! Herb: Wow, son! You actually recognized us this time. Margie: And you remembered to get dressed today! [Patrick, Herb and Margie laugh] Marty: Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son. Janet: Oh yeah! [Both walk away. Patrick and his parents laugh as their rock closes over them] 👀👀👍👍👍👀👀 nice 👌👌stuff 👀👀👀 ✔️thats some ™™™ nice 👨🏻 stuff 👨🏻👨🏻 ® (cool ) 👌👌👌👌👌 niiiiiiiiiii👌ce 👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌 stuff that is some nice ✔️ass✔️stuff👀 ya got there ✔️ congrats 🎉 on the nice👍👍👍STUFF👍👍👌✔️👀✔️👀 👍👍 👀✔️™ nice 👌 shut the FUCK up 👎👀👎👀👎👀👎👀👎👀 bull SHIT bülł sHit 👎 thats 🚫 some bull shit👎👎 right👎👎th 👎ere👎👎👎right🚫there 🚫🚫if i do say so my self❌ i say so❌ thats fucking horrible right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ fucking ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) UGHHHHH❌ 👎👎 👎B0ОଠＯOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👎👎👎 👎 ❌ 👎 👀 👀 👀 👎👎BAD SHIT DO IT, just DO IT! Don't let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just. DO IT! Make. your dreams. COME TRUE! Just... do it! Some people dream of success, while you're gonna wake up and work HARD at it! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you're not gonna stop there. NO! What are you waiting for? ... DO IT! Just... DO IT! Yes you can! Just do it! If you're tired of starting over, stop. giving. up. >le maymay arrow is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee :^( BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just *gets crack pipe out* smoke some of that good 420 shit :) *rips a bong* AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E WHATA FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair cuz i couldnt and i CANT stop laughXXXXXX DDDDDD OMGOSH DDDDD XXXXX DDDDD DDDDDD LOOOOOOOLLLLL FUCKIN HOLY SHITTTT I CANT JUST STOP LAUGHING CAUSE HE HE HE HE HE JUST TO FUNNY MAN!!!1!11! GOOD MEME SORRY I MEAN GREAT MEME EPIC MEMEING /b/ro BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ZIMBABWE is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee :^( BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just gets crack pipe out smoke some of that good 420 shit :) rips a bong AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E I'm Squirting Pure Mio Water Flavoring Into My Mouth And Walking Around With Swiffer WetJets Taped To My Shoes I Don't Give A Fuck Damn About Society You Know What? I'm Going To Write A Song About How Bad I Want To Fight You, And Once It Makes A Lot Of Money, I'm Going To Buy A Plane Ticket And Come To Your House And I'm Going To Break All Of Your Electronic Devices, You God Damn Pincushion. Okay, first of all, FUCK your fandom and FUCK your bullshit fandom politics. I know you’re not going to like this but I don’t care and before you start thinking about flaming me my ask box has anonymous off so you’re going to listen to what I have to say. Monica would be a firebender, I think that’s one thing we all agree on. Now is where you’re going to hate me. Phoebe and Joey would both be airbenders. Now before you start flipping a shit let me just say this: go fuck yourself. Ross would be an earthbender and Rachel would be a waterbender. I KNOW THIS INTERFERES WITH THE SHIP. I DON’T CARE, FUCK YOUR SHIP AND FUCK YOU. And Chandler? Chandler would be a nonbender. I know it hurts but it’s true. I have watched every episode of the show and all of his actions lead me to believe the creators envisioned him as a nonbender from the start. Disagree? FUCK YOU. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!! love and waffles, Getting salt from gamer boys in my inbox. Listen up turd turrets, I WANTED to just play video games, I WANTED to just have fun, I NEVER wanted my gaming to be political or a struggle, I just wanted to play. But you wouldn’t fucking let me, you brought up my gender, you judged me based on it, YOU made it political. So now I WILL wreck everything with my fucking feminism, I am the feminist nightmare you fucking created. Witness me. you guys we gotta hurry i just got back from walmart theyre selling nintendo 3DS systems for $149.99 on sale plus every time you buy one you get a $50 gift card brings the total price down to $110 after tax NOW LISTEN we can flip those sons of bitches for 230 bucks a piece EASY they’re all limited edition zelda ones! HURRY hurry come with me! We can be rich and also i’ll get to keep one and we can play NINTENDO GAMES nintendo give me free stuff 14 years ago ⬅️📅today⬇️, the episode 📺✨”Band Geeks”✨📯🏉🇺🇸🎸🎷🎺🎤 of spongebob🌕▫️🐙🐚🐳 👔👖🍔🍟 squarepants came out😱📡. Our hero spongebob 🌕👔◽️👖 and his squad 🐙🐞🐚🐠🐟🐬🐳🍁 valiantly turnt up 🎉💥🔥💃 the bikini bottom bubble bowl 👙💘💭🍜🏉. Send 📲 this to 1⃣4⃣ other band geeks 👓👔. if u get 5⃣ back⬅️😄, it’s sweet 🍦🍩 sweet 🎂🍪 sweet 🍫🍭 victory 🎉🎊🎆 . If u get 0⃣😩 you are a #squilliam 🐙💢👎😰 Bring Tooth Ghost Pipe Hell Tooth Man To School With You. You Have No Other Choice. Bring Him. Feed Him Lies. He Will Crush The Nonbelievers. Listen To His Voice, Do You Hear His Song, O? Does He Cry? No. He Is Laughing. He Is Only Laughing. His Voice Is Fire. His Laugh Is Thunder. His Existence Is Forever. Fear Him. Love Him. He Is In Us all. Believe. Believe. Believe My OCHIN is gigantic, O.T.N is it's abbreviation It is mainly handled with things such as △○□× it serves combined use for men and woman Recently, a portable style that disassembles became possible All kinds of OCHIN have come into circulation Remove the portable-type OCHIN, so there aren't a lot of lost cases I advise you keep the lock nice and tight Furthermore, be careful because OCHIN as a so-called sex symbol is completely different Again, the above text is completely appropriate I actually met Guy Fieri at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that). Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?” Then out of nowhere Guy Fieri shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.” And I (being a big Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.” Guy was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Guy Fieri and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents. Our MURDERCUBE, who art intangible,
hollow-pointed be your name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thine will be Gun,
on earth, as it is in /k/
Give us this day our daily Nugget,
and forgive us our 9mm vs .45 threads,
as we also have forgiven our Nogunz brethren.
And lead us not into Taurus,
but deliver us from Kimber.
For thine is the ‘PING!’-gun,
The Mauser,
and the Glory
Forever, and ever
Amen Ave Nex Alea; War is the way of Man; Man is the means of war; the Murder/k/ube allows us war; our worship is our readiness. Saluto Nex Alea. You know who/what is “on fleek?” Jesus. My Savior. My Love. My Ultimate Hero. Jesus is on fleek. The Catholic Church is on fleek. It is on point. It points us to our True North – Heaven – Jesus. Our Blessed Mother is on fleek. She is on point. Her ultimate job is to bring us to her Son – Our Savior – Our Love – Our Ultimate Hero. Thinking of the slang, “on fleek,” I started to think about as a working Catholic wife and mom, what things are on fleek in my life. I came up with a top 5: 1. Father. Son. Holy Spirit. They are on fleek. 2. My Family. So extremely grateful to be the wife and mom in my family. Straight up on point. 3. My job. Even with some of the difficulties I have balancing it with being a momma, I am extremely GRATEFUL to the Lord that He has entrusted me with this responsibility. Definitely leading to my holiness – so, yes, on fleek. 4. The faith community to which we belong. First, the Catholic faith in general – 2000 years old. So on fleek. Then, the particular parish we belong to – St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Brusly, Louisiana. It’s a small little Cajun town right outside of Baton Rouge. The people are real, filled with love, and completely community centered. On Fleek. 5. The Saints. Those who have gone before us, filled with the Holy Spirit, the faith, and an incredibly awesome love of Christ and His precepts. They are like my “on fleek” gang of intercessors! On point, on point, on point. Мы начинаем наше космическое путешествие в те времена, когда трава была зеленее и музыка прекраснее, когда еще не было плохой музыки, дабы вернуть давно утерянную формулу хорошей музыки. Рассекая пространство и время, мы слышим звуки божественной музыки, в которой каждая нота находится на своем месте. Кажется нечто подобное испытывают люди когда слушают альбомы Sigur Ros, некое блаженное чувтсво. Это состояние невозможно описать, трудно уловить и легко потерять, но удивительно, на всем протяжении нашего путешествия оно все усиливается и усиливается. В окне иллюминатора пролетают все самые значимые музыкальные и исторические вехи в истории. Важна уже не конечная точка прибытия, а само путешествие, потому что стремление - вот самое главное в нашей жизни, достигнув определенной точки нам обязательно захочется продолжить путешествие дальше. Честно говоря я уже не знаю где мы находимся, достигли мы того самого места? И где это место? Скорее всего мы улетели намного дальше, за пределы пространства времени. Неужели мы так и не нашли формулы? неужели все напрасно? Наше путешествие - вот та самая формула, точнее одна из ее композиций, собранная из обрывков воспоминаний. Вычислить ее невозможно, но нам крупно повезло и мы стали редкими счастливчиками которым открылась одна из идеальных музыкальных композиций. Сможем ли мы когда-нибудь повторить это путешествие… возможно не скоро, но когда-нибудь обязательно, а пока нужно вернуться на землю и передать человечеству данные собранные нашими датчиками. Мы не настолько умны чтобы из полученных данных вычислить формулу, но зато у нас появилась одна из композиций сгенерированных этой идеальной формулой. Так правильно, ведь если бы человечество обладало “ключем” ни к чему хорошему это не привело бы. My baby he don't talk sweet, He ain't got much to say But he loves me loves me loves me, I know that he loves me anyway And maybe he don't dress fine, But I don't really mind 'Cause every time he pulls me near, I just want to cheer Let's hear it for the boy Let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy My baby may not be rich, He's watchin' every dime But he loves me loves me loves me, We always have a real good time And maybe he sings off key, But that's alright by me, yeah 'Cause what he does he does so well, Makes me wanna yell Let's hear it for the boy Oh, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy 'Cause every time he pulls me near, I just want to cheer Let's hear it for the boy Oh, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's hear it my man (Let's hear it for the boy) (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Pull yourself together (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Whoa let's hear it for my boy (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for the boy) (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's it for my man There lived a certain man in Russia long ago He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow Most people looked at him with terror and with fear But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear He could preach the bible like a preacher Full of ecstacy and fire But he also was the kind of teacher Women would desire RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine It was a shame how he carried on He ruled the Russian land and never mind the Czar But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar In all affairs of state he was the man to please But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze For the queen he was no wheeler dealer Though she'd heard the things he'd done She believed he was a holy healer Who would heal her son RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine It was a shame how he carried on [Spoken:] But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger for power became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about this outrageous man became louder and louder. "This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please" No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms Then one night some men of higher standing Set a trap, they're not to blame "Come to visit us" they kept demanding And he really came RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen They put some poison into his wine RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine He drank it all and he said "I feel fine" RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen They didn't quit, they wanted his head RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine And so they shot him till he was dead [Spoken:] Oh, those Russians... I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus. Don't u ever ever fucken send me any thing like this again. U r so ignored. U will be so sorry one day. But u don't even know it yet. That pride of yours u think u know everything but u know shit. Your have really pissed me off. One day u will say. Wow Mom was right but it will be to late for u then. Fucken no all. I will not help u with ur hair or anything else so done ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to throw u out off my property. You r the most disrespectful little bitch I know. Don't ever disrespect my 'Lord' to me again. U and Chris will be able to talk to each other in Hell. Hey nightcore-ers. This is Mod Angel. Recently I have gone through a complete change of lifestyle and want to be referred to Mod Priscilla Valkyrie the Fallen Angel. Anyways, I’ve decided that nightcore isn’t enough so I will also be posting breakcore and dubstep remixes that sound nightcorey Yep. This right here is probably one of the best things I've ever heard. Honestly, it is. Every song i listen to now in my waking moments is nightcore remixes, full albums especially but its hard to find mixes for them all so sometimes i speed things up myself, I admit, because I just really like it so much better when its sped up 3000x. I usually do it in my offtime and it also helps me be more creative and inventive in my musical style as an artist. It really adds something different to the music and makes it so much better. So yeah. That's my two cents as a proud nightcore listener/artist

#text post #rin rambles

[s-veronnie]

I was tagged incredible @ocegion and Thank you darling! <3

Answer the questions then tag a bunch of people!

1. Are you named after anyone?

 Start with the fact that my sister's name is Lyuba, the full name is Lyubov. She was named in honor of our great-grandmothers.   As you know my name is Veronica. My dad wanted to name me Vera, his mother's name. But my mom was against it because she didn't like that name.  So they came to an agreement calling me Veronica.  Look, V E R O (A) N I C A, this name combines the name Vera, but it is not this name, because at the end there is Nica (eng. Nike).  In Russian the second part of my name (Veronica) and English name Nike sound the same, so parents often call me Nike.

*my brain hurts*

2. When was the last time you cried?

 The last time I cried in the cinema when I watched the movie "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2".

3. Do you like your handwriting?

 Hmm, you know, when I do try to write nice, yes, i do. And so I have terrible handwriting, but I understand what I write. I like it when I write in English, hehe

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

 Сhicken!

5. Do you have kids?

 No, I have not. I think I'm not going to have children in the next 20 years. You know when you have a younger brother 5 years and when you are one of 4 children in the family.. the desire to be alone as long as possible only increases :D

6. If you were a different person would you be friends with you?

 Hmm, I'm not sure, to be honest. I think I'm a good, loyal and funny friend. But I also think that being friends with me hard because I am very talkative and a bit weird, so you should belong to me 24/7.   I think I would not want to be friends with me, but sometimes I could talk with me and hang out together.

7. Do you use sarcasm?

 Yes, of course. But usually it's only a defensive reaction...

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

 Yes, I have. My left tonsil is bigger than my right. And when I get sick with tonsillitis, it brings me excruciating pain. Frankly, this question is very strange :DD

9. Would you bungee jump? 

 No, I never had to do that.

10. What’s your favorite cereal?

 I don't eat cereal often, so I have no preference.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

 Yes, i do.

12. Do you think you’re a strong person?

 Hard to answer this question. I think that I am a strong person. But can always happen something that will break you.

13. What’s your favorite ice cream?

 Any, except chocolate. I love chocolate, but I don't like food with chocolate flavor.

14. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

 I think it's the face of a man, to be precise the eye. So I understand who the person is and what it can do.

15. What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself?

 If I understand correctly the question, it's my legs. They are very thick, although all other parts of my body are in normal form.

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

 Blue pants and dark blue shoes.

17. What are you listening to right now?

 Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood.

18. If you were a crayon what color would you be?

 Another strange question. I think I would be the color of shi.. sky.

19. Favorite smell?

 I love the smell of freshly printed newspaper!!!

20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

 My mom? I prefer text messages.

21. Favorite sport to watch?

 Volleyball!

22. Hair color?

 Light brown.

23. Eye color?

 I don't know how to describe my eyes. They are green and brown and amber. My eyes are the color of the swamp?

24. Do you wear contacts?

 No, I have perfect vision.

25. Favorite food?

 Meatballs with potatoes. Okay, that was an easy joke.   I think it is a pilaf. Not long ago, I ate 2 plates of pilaf in one sitting, oh.

26. Scary movies or comedy?

 Scary movies of course! Damn, I revised a really decent horror films. I want more!

27. Last movie you watched?

 Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2. Because these films now shown on TV.

28: What color shirt are you wearing?

 Blue! My favorite color.

29. Summer or winter?

Winter all the way (2). Well, you know in Russia even in spring the snow falls. Amazing!

30. Hugs or kisses?

 I also have never kissed, I don't think that's what I would have liked it. I prefer hugs.

31. Book you’re currently reading?

 I read nothing now. Though there is something... fanfiction count as a book?...

32. Who do you miss right now?

 I think I miss my childhood friends. Unfortunately, we took different paths.

33. What’s on your mouse pad?

 I have no mouse pad.

34. What’s the last tv program you watched?

 I don't watch TV. Firstly because I am constantly on the Internet, and secondly because all the TVs are occupied by someone else.

35. What is the best sound? 

 Heavy rain (2). When you live in St. Petersburg learn to love the rain! This is my aesthetics.

36. Rolling stones or The Beatles?

Hmm, I don't know? I don't listen to neither one nor the other.

37. What’s the furthest you’ve ever traveled?

 From my bed to the Institute, I think. Actually I don't remember.

38. Do you have a special talent?

 Um, yes? I can bend the thumb in half (I don't know how to describe it. Try to bend the finger in the form of " Г "). Maybe you can do that too, but in my environment, nobody else can.

39. Where were you born?

 St. Petersburg <3

tagging @weinsanedreamer55 don't know who I can

#THANK YOU SO MUCH #love love love!!! #it was very long it was worth it #thanks again #meow #sorry for my english #:)))

[genderqueersboy]

i was tagged by my mom karri @memesyoongi

i feel bad bc i always tag the same people asdhgk but @hoseokgotmehoshook @seokpie @heterphobia @hoseok8 @yoongbisexual

1. Are you named after someone?

not my first name, but my middle name lmao. my dad’s great grandma was named hinda which means deer in yiddish but they didn’t want to name me that so they changed it to Ayelet which means deer in Hebrew!

2. When is the last time you cried?

yesterday when i found out i have to skip my bts concert to be in the school play

3. Do you like your handwriting?

depends on which language we’re talking about alsdgkh;sd. english ehh, hebrew is pretty, korean looks like i had a stroke mid-sentence

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

do hot dogs count? fuck

5. Do you have kids?

umm no lmao kids terrify me bye

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

what kind of meta question is thishdl;ksdl

7. Do you use sarcasm?

all the time

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

ye

9. Would you bungee jump?

i dont want to die that badly lmao thanks

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal?

honey bunches of oats!!!

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

yes bc i’m a contributing member of society bye

12. Do you thing you’re a strong person?

i’ve been told i am idk

13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

mint chip 😍😍😍

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

makeup or their hair. i am a serial makeup complimenter 

15. Red or pink?

pink

16. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

i have like....rlly dark leg and arm hair and i’ve always wanted to be one of those blonde bitches rip

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

black skirt, black shoes, im sensing a theme here

18. What was the last thing you ate?

sour chews

19. What are you listening to right now?

tony montana agust d

20. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

SPARKLY TURQUOISE

21. Favorite smell?

properly selected febreeze

22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my dad, i needed to ask who i was named after againasdhlg

23. Favorite sport to watch?

basketball, i guess? i am not a sport

24. Hair color?

black/brown. i dyed it but it’s coming back 2 its brown roots so idk fam

25. Eye color?

dark brown

26. Do you wear contacts?

id accidentally blind myself if i did

27. Favorite food to eat?

really good greek salads and also sushi

28. Scary movies or comedy?

i cant handle scary movies. i watched a horror movie once and couldn’t shower w/o someone awake for months. also i thought someone was living in my closet

29. Last movie you watched?

the end of Holding The Man...good movie...

30. What color of shirt are you wearing?

dark gray and white hp shirt that says “i solemnly swear i’m up to no good”

31. Summer or winter?

spring

32. Hugs or kisses?

hugs bc ive never received kisses except from old people at shul who make me uncomfortable

33. What book are you currently reading?

After abel

34. Who do you miss right now?

umm fuckin min yoongi bc im no longer going to see his ass come march???

35. What is on your mouse pad?

nothing, im a boring hoe

36. What is the last TV program you watched?

htgawm

37. What is the best sound?

those background noises hobi makes during his part in cypher 4, u know the ones

38. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

The Beatles

39. What is the furthest you have ever traveled?

Sacramento

40. Do you gave a special talent?

writing, singing, convincing myself i don’t have a valid gender identity 🙄🙄🙄

41. Where were you born?

new york, USA

42. People you expect to participate in this survey?

yall can do what u want, no pressure

#this was fun!! #tag meme #jas junk