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mimiri22-6 · 3 years

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Let's do this. One last time.

Ducktales 2017. I didn't think I was ready for the end, but the finale was too perfect to be sad nor angry.

There's so much to say-too much to say...and I'm going to try my best to say all of it.

EVERYONE IS HERE!! ENDGAME WHO?! DUCKTALES!!!!!

Seeing Webby and Scrooge interactions now, after watching this once, is just-They're So Soft! AND everything is just-AH I love it. It's so weird, but when is the family tree not screwy(also, Webby=Scrooge's clone? Webby=female? Trans Scrooge=Cannon?! I think Fucking So!)

Aaaaaaannd that's all we get from Gladstone and Fethry. If there's one thing I wish was in this episode more it would be more cousin interactions and Daisy. Though, Daisy not being too into it makes sense. Loved what we got of her tho. At least we got a little bit of them this episode, it was already pretty character packed

Well...Launchpad is only half wrong.

Oh wow. Oh Wow, I love this dynamic between LP, Drake, and Fenton...ot4? because I refuse to leave Gandra out. I love how Drake doesn't know about Fenton and Gizmo while it seems like everyone else in the world does. Still, LP/Drake and Gandra/Fenton some of my faves. So good

OH YEAH! Even the other 2 Caballeros are here!!

And the last adventure STARTS

I find it Fantastic how Dewey and Launchpad will probably die thinking F.O.W.L used the last level of a videogame as their secret layer layout

*sigh* This is why I avoid previews and wish I was better at avoiding theories from after those previews. I would have been more surprised and probably would have enjoyed this ep even more if I had Nothing to expect. But the theories were right. Tho, I did not expect how (or should I say Who) Webby was cloned from...though also I was spoiled by that when I was looking for the ep. Some ass used "Scrooge is Webby's dad" as a video title. I didn't think it was real, but I was wrong.

Awwww. Don has such a soft spot for kids

I love Lena and her development.

...*sigh* ok. "you've already got sisters" with this line, I am obligated to drop the Webby/Lena ship. I'm sorry, but it's one of my many rules for being ok with a ship. If the characters Ever say, even just once as an afterthought, they see each other as siblings or something similar, I will see them as that. It's why I've never been ok and have been uncomfortable with Shiro/Keith since Keith saved Shiro from...his clones...huh. So, from now on, I'm going to be Very uncomfortable with anything Weblena...even though the thought of them in the future was cute

HOW does a show about building ottomans have plot???

I wasn't sure how to feel about the clones All throughout this

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUEY JUST FIRST NAMED BEAKLEY!!!!!

GOLDIE AND DAISY ARE ON THE BOARD!!! SCORE!!

Oooooh. That picture of Webby's parents...is fake. It's like some picture Beakley took off the internet.

I saw a post saying how Della had to convince Donald to go on one last adventure and how she had to watch him almost die, but she really Didn't. She helped him pack and she was ready to let Donald go on his adventure("but Daisy's my adventure" They are too damn cute for their own damn good. I love them. donsy for the win), but an actual Crisis came up and he had to stay. Donald nearly dying by void was not Della's fault and if I see any more posts about how she roped Donald into a death mission, I will go up a wall and break a neck on my way down

Man, it's weird hearing this and knowing that Webby's parents don't exist

Wow! Beakley just knocked out Scrooge! Damn!

Oooh! The girls are fighting

...Woah. I just realized, the blood and brain of Scrooge McDuck and the training of Bentina Beakley. Webby is even more of a beast than we knew.

IS THAT DEVELOPMENT I HEAR!!! YOU KEEP THOSE KIDS BEHIND? YOU LOSE!!! GOOD DAY SIR!

Pepper. Just Pepper. She seems like one of your parent's nice coworkers that brings you brownies and pinches your cheeks

"Look after your brother." YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I JUST WANNA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DADRO YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS OFICIALLY BOYD GEARLOSE NOW!! YEEEEE!!!!

I also really like that you can't tell which Gyro is telling that to

God, I Fucking Love the concept that is Manny. He's one of those things that if someone asked you about him outside of the fandom, you wouldn't even know where to start. It's absolutely FanFuckingTastic. He's the most magical thing in the universe? Fuck Yes, give that to me Now!

HE SPEAKS!!!!!!(I couldn't place his voice actor, but I when I looked him up I realized recognized him for Glossaryck from SVTFOE)

(Edit: Just found out that the scene with Manny was a Gargoyles ref. Nice!)

Once again, I love everything about LP, Drake, and Fenton

And then Lena Died

Aww, they both have such soft spots for children

LUDWIG VON DRAKE?!?!!!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

(that had to be a different font because really, what the fuck)

He really did just say he was too busy to die. This duck is too powerful

(I really just don't have too much to say between all of this. I just love all of it)

Woo! Louie with the motivation!

Pft-how both of them are singing? Love to see it...wait, we don't see Don Karnage after this...DID HE DIE IN THAT CRASH?! DID DEWEY COMMIT HIS FIRST MURDER?!

"Welcome home, April." I hate you.

Of course he dabs

"he was like this when we found him." Nice to know Gos knows what to do in the event that she kills someone

Oh that's horrendous. I hate that

"Now, let's get down to business." TO DEF[get's shot]

Why is Manny like actually the best?

God, Drake and LP really are two halves of a whole idiot huh? They're soulmates, your honor

"I. Am." "Not alone in this." That was so sweet, but also JUST TELL HIM!!

And now Glom is dead

Oh, that's a lot of mind control

"Even by our standards, this is a weird day." Couldn't say it better, Lena

"How do you think Della found out about the Spear of Selene?" OH, YOU MOTHERFU

"Oh, Bradford, how villainous." DAMN! HE REALLY DID JUST DO THAT, HUH?!

"MOOOM!" "NOOO!" OH NO, MY HEART! IT FUNCTIONS!

"Do you know how replaceable clones are?" Oh yeah, that's right. You're probably not the og Gyro

Man, we don't ever have Von Drake for long but I always love him

Those lights are really only there for dramatic effect, aren't they?

...Close enough.

Launchpad moment! Yeah!!!

HEY! I just noticed. While wearing the suit, Launchpad didn't crash...idk what to do with this info

The fine print is usually good to read...we people just don't do it apparently

"...your most trusted ally?" *picks Donald* Wow. That's right there with the feels ain't it

"it's not worth the risk." Fuck, I love them

Oh that sounds so weird. Scrooge has never been a dad, always Uncle. So Weird

And Gandra, Gyro, and Von Drake are dead. There is a Body Count this episode

"Donald Duck." "Uncle Scrooge." I SEE YOU! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE! AND I LOVE IT!

Hehe. From Bitchford to bird brain.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ENDING SCENE IS THE BEST!

Beakley thinking she's no longer accepted? Nah, she was granny first and foremost

ANOTHER FENRA KISS?! DON'T MIND IF I DO!

DADRO AND GOSALYN AND DRAKE?! LOVING IT!

MORE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS?! WOO!

DONALD IMMEDIATELY ADOPTING JUNE AND MAY?! ONLY THE BEST FROM HIM!!!!

PROTECTIVE SCROOGE?! YOU DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING!

"We're smarter" "We're tougher" "We're sharper" And we'll earn our way square." AH-I'M GOING DOWN LIKE THE SUNCHASER, GUYS

AND THE END CREDITS WILL NEVER BE MATCHED!!!!!

I don't know what else to say.

This show was amazing from beginning to end. I may not have cried, but I didn't need to cry. It wasn't sad and there was nothing bittersweet about it. Just pure perfection, just like the rest of the show.

Perfectly Preen, not a fether out of place.

Goodnight Ducktales, you were perfect

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dianapana · 4 years

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SasuHina Month 2020- Day 18

Prompr 18-Movie Stars AU

Initially I wanted to do this in the same universe as the fake dating one. It’s based on pretty much the same idea I guess. I wrote this a few years ago and I wanted to use it; hope yall don’t mind. Love ~Dia

<<Their break-up was the kind of thing that filled front pages for days, it was the talk of the internet, much like their first hook-up was, much like their first meet-up was. Despite working on the same set for a few months, their schedules never matched, they never had a scene together, they were never even in the same building, yet once the movie hit the screens, the unlikely couple picked up fans and speed like a snowball rolling down a hill.

It didn’t matter to the fans that the two raven-haired young adults were never on screen at the same time, the only thing that picked their interest was one of Sasuke’s character line which mentioned something that had an indirect reference to Hinata’s character. That was all it took for the ‘SasuHina’ fan base to blow up out of proportions.

The ‘sasuhina’ tag grew bigger each day on all social media platforms, until it received the attention of a few small magazines, then bigger ones which led to several questions asked to both celebrities about the other.

On a red-carpet interview, a reporter from ‘KonohaNow!’ Asked Hinata what was her first impression when she met the Uchiha heartthrob, after a small laugh caused by the subject of the said question, Hinata stated “No, but really, I never even met Sasuke. Once the trailer launched, I noticed a few posts about me and him, but I honestly never expected it get this big. You’d be surprised how many rumors I heard about the two of us, despite us never actually being in the same room”

The said declaration set the fans on fire, making it their top priority to get the two of them to formally meet, of course in a public way. So, a few months later, both of them stood on a chair across from each other live on ‘The Akatsuki’, while Deidara couldn’t help but grin at the two. Once the show was live it was ranked as one of the most viewed talk-shows in the past years.

After Deidara finished his usual introduction, the two of them got up and officially shook hands and introduced each other. The gesture was a bit awkward which did not escape the public eye, making them come up with reasons such as they were shy to meet, or nervous. If the fandom was big before, after their ‘meet cute’ it had tripled, making both of them rise on the popularity ladder quite a bit.

Even so, the moment that it was certain that SasuHina was real, was a year after their meet, when without any promoting, a trailer for a movie was launched, with the two of them as the main characters that made a deal to help each other commit suicide. The movie was the most expected one of that year, despite no one knowing anything about it but those 50 seconds showing both of them in front of their laptops writing mails to the other. The title was vague “50 Days” and there were no promoting methods, from posters of the movie, to short interviews about it, none of those existed.

Every talk show host that asked to make an interview about the said movie was shut down, critics were confused by the secrecy, since directors tend to do as much advertising as they can, but it turned out that doing nothing, was the perfect method to make everyone talk about the movie. Once it hit the screens a few months later, the fans that expected it purely based on the actors playing were pleasantly surprised with a well written plot, and marvelous filming and editing. The ending of the movie, was one that left its mark on the YA movie industry, making everyone wish that the heroine would have found her partners in crime affection enough to make her wish to live, but sadly it didn’t. The ending broke the world’s heart, but no one seemed to mind at all, since the film featured a couple of shared intimacies between the Hyuuga girl and Uchiha boy. From kisses to, warm hugs and even the dramatic final scene, of Sasuke’s character walking away crying after Hinata’s character funeral, all the tragedy was forgiven.

After finally all the secrets of the movie being spilled, the two actors had the freedom to share everything about the making of the film, from the easiness of working together, to their fast friendship. Pictures of them together on and off set started filling the internet and newspapers for a period of time, only to die down for a couple of months.

Their radio silence was picked up as a sign of their relationship, which was in the ‘hiding’ at that moment. As crazy as it seemed at the time, the theories were proven somewhat right when a picture of them kissing was featured on the front page of a magazine, followed by a video posted on Hinata’s Instagram with her and Sasuke doing a silly dance which ended with the pair hugging and sharing a small kiss.

The fandom could not hold their excitement back, their relationship was labeled as ‘goals’ for the duration of 3 years, the length of it. But a couple of weeks after Sasuke’s 25th birthday their relations suddenly ended.

The media and fans were confused, since they never once made any statement of not getting along, their last picture together was barely a week before the break-up and they seemed content. Everyone was expecting a marriage, not a break-up!>>

It came hard for him to read about his failed love life on every magazine and news site in the world, but whenever he saw anything with her name, he couldn’t help but read, because maybe one of these writers would say something remotely close to the possibility of their break-up being fake, or them getting back together, yet none did that.

“You’re sulking again”

Gaara, his friend and bodyguard told him. The redheaded man was sitting on his sofa as well, switching between Tv channels, to anyone he would have looked like a friend only, not like the man in charge of the safety of his life. Sasuke sighed and put his pad on the coffee table.

“She’ll be back.”

The Sabaku man reassured him, he had been saying that every day since the break-up, and each day it seemed more of a lie. At the beginning he was certain Hinata would turn around and run back to his side, but as weeks passed, he was starting to doubt the possibility.

“You put too much faith in her”

The black-eyed man said while walking into the hallway leading to his bedroom, he was tired and needed sleep. His bed was the only comfort he still had. It was their bed for 3 years. The bedsheets still smelled like her even after being washed a number of times, the mattress still held her body shape.

The last phrase from the article he just read sat heavy on his brain. << Everyone was expecting a marriage, not a break-up!>> He sure had too. He had asked Hinata to marry him, and she dead-pan rejected him, not only did she say no, but she had actually got up and left him.

He knew that she must have had a good reason to leave, he just couldn’t figure out what. Before the said incident, she had been dropping hints here and there about getting married. Subtle hints from sighing happily at the end of rom-cons when the couple got married, to straight up forward questions such as whether he would be alright with a western-type wedding rather than a Japanese one.

He was so fucking certain they were on the same page. Every time she asked anything regarding marriage, he sat a little straighter since the ring sad untouched hidden in their bedroom for a little over 2 weeks, before the hints started. He just needed the time to be right, and when he thought it was; apparently, she didn’t.

He took out his phone and looked at his messages, he had plenty of those but none from Hinata. When she left, she only asked for time and space and he was hell bound to give her whatever she wanted, but the more time passed his hope of her returning with an explanation grew smaller. Being a person in the public eye, he learnt a few important lessons such as not to read the comments to Drama-articles, but he caved this time. Every comment was full of speculations or just straight-up angry for the way things ended between the two of them.

Finally, he put his phone on the nightstand and sighed. Since they started dating 3 years ago, he was so used to her being at his side almost every day. Sure, they were busy with filming their own movies or tv series, with photo shoots, interviews, talk-shows and everything else their agent scheduled. But everyone liked to take advantage of their relationship and of their common fanbase so most of the times they played in the same series, they were called for shows at the same time, there was not a day to go by when they weren’t together for at least a couple of minutes.

Sasuke moved onto her side of the bed and buried his head in her pillow. He kept wondering if she missed him as much as she did him. Her smell still filled their bathroom and there were still days when he’d wake up confused over the empty space in his bed.

He knew Hinata loved him, their love life was full, he would catch her staring at him with a smile on her face, without even realizing it they were always touching, holding hands, their shoulders pressed together, her hand on his knee, his arm around her waist, so without her there he felt somehow incomplete.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because he was jerked awake by a loud crash in the living room. He could hear Gaara talking to someone, not sure who could have caused all this chaos he got up and went to see what was happening. Getting closer to the ruffle he recognized the man talking.

“I don’t give a shit that he decided to give her space. Just because that’s what she wants doesn’t mean it’s what she needs”

His breath sped up. Neji, he was talking about Hinata. He never expected her cousin to come seek him out. The older Hyuuga saw him and started moving towards him, Gaara made a move to get in front of Sasuke before Neji could reach him.

“Out of my way Sabaku. He has to come with me”

“Do you know where she is?” Sasuke asked and he moved around Gaara.

“I do, and she really needs you right now”

That was all he had to hear. If Neji thought it was a good idea for him to go to Hinata it had to be, he would never do anything to harm his little cousin. Sasuke only nodded at his red-headed friend and they were on the move.

They took Neji’s car, the plan was to get Hinata and if all went well Neji would drive them both to their home if not…he’d still drive Sasuke. He only hoped things would turn out good.

“Do you know what happened?”

The Hyuuga clenched his hands around the wheel tighter. “I do” Sasuke opened him mouth to ask what but couldn’t get the words out before Neji talked again. “I really don’t think you should hear this from me. Granted you were supposed to be the first to find out after her but we all make mistakes, don’t be mad at her, she tried her best”

They parked the car across the street from a hotel, Sasuke followed Neji and Gaara was just a step behind him. They didn’t stop in the lobby to ask for the hotel room, Neji walked straight to the elevator and pressed the button for the 12th floor. They didn’t talk, the people that got into the elevator on the 4th floor kept staring at Sasuke but they didn’t say anything either. Finally, when they reached their destination, they marched down the corridor to room 127. The Hyuuga male sighed before softly knocking on the door.

“Hina..it’s me open up” when nothing happened he knocked again but no movements could be heard from the other side of the room. Being fed up with the wait he got his wallet out and took a key card and opened the door.

The room was dark but Sasuke recognized her scent, he noticed her clothes on the floor and finally his eyes rested on her sleeping form on the bed. He took a few steps forward and felt his mouth dry when he realized she was wearing one of his shirts and clenching another one in her hands.

He heard Neji sigh again and he whispered something to Gaara, the two made their way to the hallway but not before telling Sasuke to call for them if anything happened. He nodded without really registering what they were saying, nothing mattered but Hinata at that moment.

He walked up to the bed and sat next to her caressing her check and then her hair, she stirred in her sleep but didn’t wake up. The need to touch her was immense, it physically hurt him not to bend down and kiss every inch of her skin.

He didn’t stop caressing her face and hair for another 30 minutes until finally her eyes opened, she looked up at him and her smile was so wide he felt his heart bust. She was still sleepy and he wasn’t sure if she thought he was real or just a dream but when she sat up and hugged him, he didn’t stop her, nor did he stop her when she started kissing him or when she sat herself in his lap.

He knew they should talk but he missed her so fucking much his brain wasn’t working right. He forgot just how perfect she fit in his arms.

She was the one who stopped the kiss, her breath was shallow, and her eyes were dazed with lust. That look alone would have been enough to make him hard, but her weight on him and the feel of soft curves in his hands only made his pants feel even tighter.

Hinata looked at him for a moment before kissing her way from his jaw down his neck. Her hands wondered all over his chest and back, she started rocking her hips and he couldn’t help the deep throaty groan that escaped his lips. She seemed pleased with the effect she had over him and only started moving faster.

“Hinata…o fuck”

Hearing his voice everything in her stiffened. She stopped moving, stopped kissing and looked up at him like a deer caught in head lights. She was about to get up and flee but Sasuke reached back for her and pulled her into his lap and held her close.

“Y-you’re real” her voice was only a whisper. He wanted to kick himself for allowing things to go that far when she obviously thought she was dreaming. Her shoulders stared shaking and soft sobs filled the room.

“Shh, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine”

After a few minutes she stopped crying and moved her head to look up at him. “Why are you here?”

He only smiled at her and kissed her tears away. She didn’t push him away which was a good thing. “I asked for time, for space…” her voice was soft.

“I know, I’m sorry I thought I could give it to you, but…”

After looking at him once again she rested her head on his chest and finally returned his hug, her hands fisted the back of his shirt and her legs wrapped around his middle it felt like she was trying to bring herself closer to him, as close as it was physically possible.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fine love” He said into her hair. He didn’t know why she apologized, but he didn’t care at that moment, all it mattered was that she was in his arms now. Her soft sobs broke his hear and he couldn’t help tightening his grip, bringing her as close as possible.

It took her a couple minutes to calm down, her face was on the crook of his neck, his hands buried into her hair, they were both breathing in the other, almost like their need of the other was what fueled their lives and the past weeks they’ve been working on empty tanks.

Hinata was the first to push away and look up at him, her hands were trembling as she reached out for his face. She cupped his cheeks and ran her thumbs under his eyes taking in the bags, Hinata leaned towards him and kissed his lips softly, just a few pecks nothing more.

“I’m so sorry baby” Her voice broke and he wished he knew what was wrong, so he could fix it.

“What’s wrong Hina? You have to tell me so I know how to fix it.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she kissed him once more “What if you can’t fix it? If we can’t fix it?” her voice was barely above a whisper.

She bit her lip and got off of him and walked to the far end of the room. Pacing back and forth, she did it a couple of times before suddenly stopping. “A few weeks ago, I thought I was pregnant”

Sasuke was stunned, her being pregnant never crossed his mind, but it would have been the best news ever, but the past tense filled him with anxiety.

“I didn’t want to tell you until I was certain. So, I took a few pregnancy tests 2 of them came off negative but one was positive so I was confused. I scheduled an appointment to check. I-I never had issues with my cycle or infections so I didn’t visit my gynecology doctor quite as often as it is recommended” She stopped pacing in front of him and took his hands into hers. “I told her I wanted a pregnancy test and when that came out negative, she suggested we do a few more tests and I said sure…” She was crying again. Sasuke freed his hands from hers and instead placed them on her waist and pulled her next to him. The silence overtook the room.

“I’m infertile” she finally confessed “the chances of me getting pregnant are very slow, I can’t give you the family you deserve. How could I do that to you? The day you asked me to marry you was the day I just got the results back” Sasuke silently cursed himself for not noticing the fact that she was upset, he had planned it and was so nervous about it, he did not pay attention to her.

“Hinata, it’s fine, everything is ok” He whispered against her hair and placed kissed on her temple. Of course, he wanted to have kids with her, and he would later mourn the loss of that idea but only after he was certain that she would be in his arms. “We’re already a family Hianta. we could also always adopt later on, but all I want now is you.”

Her eyes were watery and red, her expression was so broken. “You don’t hate me? You don’t think I’m broken?”

“I love you, you know that, there’s nothing that could change that, plus you’re not broken love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you” Sasuke assured her. He couldn’t imagine how Hinata felt. “Let’s go home ok?” He asked to which Hinata only nodded. He picked her up and walked to the door, opened it and looked at Gaara and Neji who were on the hall away from the door; probably to give them privacy. Neji looked relieved to see them together while Gaara’s eyes fell to Hinata and his composure changed from his normal expressionless to sadness. Gaara walked in front of him and Neji was behind him. The walk from the lobby to the car was done in a rush just in case there were paparazzi around.

Neji started driving. “I’ll come back and pack all her things tomorrow” Sasuke nodded. They were together, that’s what mattered. Everything else would fall in place later.

@sasuhinamonth

#sasuhina #sasuhina month #sasuhina month 2020 #SHMONTH2020 #SH2020 #Sasuke #Hinata #Sasuke Uchiha #Hinata Hyuuga #Naruto #dia-story #diawrites

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naughtynutboy · 4 years

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i feel like no matter how hard i try or how well things might be going, i'll never be able to sustain an online fandom presence for more than a few months tops before i relapse back into my cycle of not doing anything. this blog is a perfect example of that and i hate it to my core

don't get me wrong, i love this blog and everyone who decided to follow it as well as the sanders sides fandom as a whole, this whole thing has brought me the most amount of joy from an online space i have ever had in my 10+ years of being on the internet. but i feel like i just don't deserve it, you know?

back in the Glory Days of this blog, absolutely! in that short period of june/july/august of 2019 where i was drawing fanart nearly every day, getting involved in the fandom, talking to people, making friends and just generally Living It Up, it was genuinely one of the best periods of my life

i've had terrible social anxiety for as long as i can remember and you would think the anonymity of the internet would alleviate some of that, but nope, not for me! i've always dreamed of being a part of a community and having a circle of online friends to talk to but i was always too scared to actually reach out and do it. until i made this blog, and i actually started talking to some people! it was amazing! i couldn't believe i missed out on all of that and just stood to the sidelines for most of my life! it was the most positivity i've ever gotten for any of my artwork as well, and i still look back on some of my posts to see all the sweet comments and keysmashes in the notes when i need uplifting

but now i feel like i just threw all of that away and i'll never be able to get back to that point in my life. i know everyone gets burnt out and taking breaks is okay, but my issue isn't burn-out. i just switch interests so fast that i can't possibly keep a consistent prescence in pretty much anything

i can pin-point the exact moment when this blog went down-hill and that was when school started up for me in the fall. i was surprised i even managed to last the whole summer, and as soon as school started i could just Feel my interest in sanders sides slipping from me. i didn't want it to go, i wanted sooo bad for it to stay so i could keep posting, keep drawing, keep talking to fandom friends because those are all things that i love to do. but it was like my mind just forgot about all of that and next thing i know i didn't draw anything for nearly 6 months.

i still have unanswered asks in my inbox from when i was taking drawing requests to celebrate 1,000 followers. in fact, i think i only answered/drew one in total. that shit HAUNTS me to this day and i feel so bad. i know they are free requests and i don't have to draw anything if i don't want to, and hell i'm sure a majority of those people who sent requests have forgotten by now or would be totally understanding, but it's a pattern for me. this has happened so many times in my life with things i'm interested in to the point that i don't even know what i'm actually passionate about. i don't know if i actually even like to draw or if it's just a passing hyperfixation that shows up every once in a while. i don't know if i like to write or if i was just hyperfixated on writing for a brief time in the past.

i just want to be active. i don't want this blog to end up like my mineblr. i want to be a Cool Blog with Funny Jokes And Quips that you see on your dash everyday because i follow so many other blogs like that that i look up to. i don't want to be an abandoned ass blog with 1,000+ followers that just goes to waste because my stupid little peanut brain has all the attention span of a goldfish and all the motivation of a rock. i have so many ideas for things to draw, things to write, and i know i can do it because i've done it before and it felt so good. but i know it will all come crashing down in a few months when i inevitably lose interest and then stop posting. how do i stop that from happening.

idk but here's my closing thoughts: i'm sorry for being inconsistent in pretty much everything i do, i'm sorry for all the things i get excited about and commit myself to doing that never get done, and i'm sorry for going inactive for months at a time. this started off not sad but now im sad because i just keep remembering how shit was last summer and how i want that again. also sorry to anyone i've ever talked to one-on-one that i just stopped talking to, i remember all of you and feel really bad for constantly going off the radar. maybe this summer it'll be better but who can say anymore

#this got sad :(#i almost cried but i pulled through lads #now i gotta lighten the mood in the tags #i know a lot of this is an adhd thing but its like #it's just running a blog bro.... like how fuckin hard does my brain really have to work????#why can't i just do this one simple thing????#idk i guess it's just sad boy hours rn #probably gonna look at this in the morning and cringe #cause even my feelings aren't consistent :^)#m wont shut up #this wasn't meant to be a vent btw but i guess that's what it became

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malzenn · 3 years

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Back with more analysis, this time, it’s A Song Written Easily, again, not really focusing on the overall story, but just looking at the pieces that may be useful later when I try to piece together the whole story.

Flowers In ASWE

All the information I have found regarding these flowers is from the internet, and it anything is wrong, I’m sorry, I’m not an expert on flowers and their meanings.

Ravn - White crysanthemum

- Symbolises condolences

- However, because of reasons, this flowers has multiple different meanings, such as: purity (especially white ones), spirituality, loyalty and honesty

- In Asia they can symbolise health and happiness, while in western Europe, they can symbolise truth

- Has medicinal purposes

Seoho - Paprika Yarrow

Turns out his wasn’t a paprika yarrow but a different variety, however, I can’t remember what it was so I’m leaving the mistake in here, have fun, however, finding information on paprika yarrow specifically was n o t happening, so I used yarrow in general

- It has healing properties and can slow or stop blood flow

- While healing, also is a reminder to protect yourself

- Associated with Achilles

- Also means lasting love and to nurture your love

- Supposed to represent good luck and success

- Aries

- Also low maintenance

Leedo - Safflower

- Represents attractiveness to others, good luck and love

- Associated with happiness and marriage

- Also low maintenance but needs plenty of sunlight

- Associated with Leo (Leedo is also a Leo, this was a fun lil’ coincidence)

- I really couldn’t find much on this wee flower

Keonhee - Daylily

- As the name suggests, this flower only blooms for one day (is it connected to him getting d u s t e d? More at 10)

- Frequently associated with the Virgin Mary

- Common meanings are: innocence, purity, perfection and honesty

- Orange or yellow daylilies often symbolise joy, love, courage, beauty and devotion, while darker oranges suggest a deeper passion

- As they don’t last long, they are also a symbol of flirtation, as that too doesn’t typically last

- Also has negative connotations, as the flower doesn’t last long, it can be a symbol of forgetfulness or memory loss, this can be turned positive as it can help you forget painful memories

Hwanwoong - Alstreomeria

- Friendship, love, strength and devotion

- This can be given to a loved one to mean “I’ve got your back” and suggests mutual support

- Each petal has a meaning, these are: understanding, empathy, patience, commitment, humour, and respect

- This flower has no scent, which is kinda rare

- As with other flowers, colour is important, white has connotations of love, strength, support and once again, purity, while red is passion and love, it’s a way to say I love you without red roses

- Victorian flower language often associated this flower with sympathy and condolences

- This flower also has the meaning of overcoming difficulties and following your dream

Xion - Delphinium

- This flower is about reaching for your goals and trying to achieve them, as well as expanding your options in order to gain new opportunities

- Also is connected to scorpions because apparently, it wards against them, like it symbolises protection because it defends against scorpions, how? Idfk

- Some people plant this in memory of a lost one

- This flower is also used to kill internal parasites, fun fact, because warding off scorpions wasn’t enough for this plant, however, too much can kill as it causes blood pressure to go lower

- It also is about enjoying the brighter side of life.

Keonhee

I will be making posts about each Oneus member and their role within the overarching story, I just need to put the pieces together first.

However, considering Keonhee’s flower is one that has an incredibly short lifespan, and he disappears, I’m fairly certain there is a connection, especially since the next scene is Ravn collapsing.

This makes me think that Ravn may be connected to Keonhee’s disappearance. (Next MV I will be analysing is Valkyrie because Keonhee also is disappearing there). However, theories as to why he disappears is going to be its own post.

Another important thing to note about Keonhee, before I move on, he’s the only one where the plants around him are edited to be red, while red has many meanings, passion, love, anger etc, I think the important one is danger, mainly because he disappears, which doesn’t seem safe, idk tho.

Hwanwoong

We’re looking at Hwanwoong’s eyes as the MV moves from the city to the oceans or mountains, which gives me main character vibes, or at least, we’re getting the story from his POV, in general though, he does have main character vibes, especially in TBONTB

Ravn

He starts off with his flowers, while the other members find them during the MV and pick them up, he has his from the beginning and drops it later. The flowers are supposed to mean a new or fresh start, so could this be Ravn sacrificing his fresh start? Possibly, especially since he’s The Hanged Man and Ravn does not know what being subtle is, it makes my job easier I suppose.

Seoho

He has a scene where sand is slipping through his fingers, sand is connected to time as sand slips from your fingers, so does time from your life. In dreams, sand falling can suggest that you’re running out of time. Depending on where this song falls on the timeline, this could mean that they're running out of time before they wake up in TBONTB

Waves

In general, represents forthcoming events/occasions/threats

Silently watching the waves indicate that there’s hidden emotions eg. someone you love a lot but cannot express feelings for. Hwanwoong is watching the clam waves, which could indicate that he’s hiding something, which means it’s something I have to try to figure out.

High crashing waves represent overwhelming emotions that threaten to drown a person. This might point in the direction of why Leedo became a fallen angel (I will have a whole post about Leedo being a fallen angel, but this isn’t exactly a new theory). So I believe it was probably his actions but not necessarily his fault.

Especially since Leedo is blurred, whatever overtook or overpowered him was strong.

#oneus #oneus theory #mv analysis #ravn #seoho #leedo #Hwanwoong #keonhee #Xion #oneus ravn #oneus seoho #oneus leedo #oneus hwanwoong #oneus keonhee #oneus xion #a song written easily #a song written easy theory #keonhee getting dusted #mal analyses

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in-dire-need · 4 years

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Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge- My Chemical Romance

The only 2004 album that could even come close to giving American Idiot a run for its money is Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. My Chemical Romance’s second full-length album shot the band out of its familiar water. Its numerous hits continue to reach billboard charts, such as opening track “Helena” and world-renowned “I’m Not Okay.” According to frontman Gerard Way, Revenge stands as a “pseudo-conceptual horror story”. Every track on the album ties into this twisted and supernatural story of the two lovers featured on the cover, which was created by Gerard Way.

“Helena (So Long and Goodnight)” opens this story of Three Cheers with a heartfelt yet twisted dedication to the Way brothers’ grandmother, Elena Rush, had passed away under circumstanced unknown to the public during the band’s tour of I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. Elena had heavily influenced the brothers from a very young age and inspired them to pursue their dreams. When she passed, Gerard Way was sent into a spiral of anger and self-destructive behavior. He wrote the song to be somewhat of a letter to himself, expressing the hatred he felt for himself at the time. Despite the dark theme behind the lyrics, “Helena” continues to be a radio classic on rock stations everywhere.

The story element behind the album begins during the second track, “Give ‘Em Hell, Kid”. A man has been divided from his lover after the devil resurrects him from the dead and, in order to resurrect his wife as well, he must kill one thousand evil souls and present them to the devil. While he ventures out to accomplish this, his wife wonders where he has gone and is clueless of his plans. She is livid at him for wrecking their marriage that began when they were young and dumb. In the next few tracks we listen as the protagonist crashes a wedding in order to kill the guests. He begins to question his sexuality and if his wife is worth one thousand souls. Continuing the double-meaning, the “To The End” is also based on the short story “A Rose For Emily” by William Faulkner. In this story, a rich wife begins suspecting that her husband may be a homosexual, so she poisons him before he cheats on her or leaves her.

“You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison” features Bert McCracken, frontman of The Used, with whom all of My Chemical Romance was extremely close with at the time of Three Cheers’ release. Gerard was also featured on their 2004 album, In Love and Death, which toured with Three Cheers after its debut. Since then, the bands had a falling-out and didn’t speak for years before heavily hinting that The Used would be opening for My Chemical Romance’s reunion tour that was scheduled for 2020. This information was never officially announced, though, seeing as COVID-19 has ruined every hope and dream that it could lay its greasy paws on. Anger aside, “Prison” continues the protagonist’s journey to kill one thousand evil souls to resurrect his wife as he is arrested in a restaurant gunfight. Once in prison, he begins falling for an inmate of the same sex, which confuses and upsets the protagonist who had assumed he was heterosexual for his entire life. He still dreams of his deceased lover, whom his journey is all for. The other inmates begin to take advantage of him, forcing him to dress in drag and give blowjobs to accommodate to their sexual desires. He begins to lose his sanity and believes that he might as well be executed since he will not be able to fulfill his mission from prison. He decides that when he leaves, he will burn down an entire hotel to quickly raise his body count.

Another track that has gone down in history is number four, “I’m Not Okay (I Promise”. It follows a girl who struggles with dealing with the problems in her life. She vents and complains to her boyfriend, who is dealing with his own problems. He puts them aside to comfort his girlfriend time and time again. She does not take this into account and simply continues to wallow in her own pain, attempting and failing to relate to sad songs with deeper meanings. He has finally had it with her by the end of the song and explodes, telling her that he is not okay and he is done with her melodrama. “The Ghost of You” is another smash hit produced by this album, which continues the story already present. The protagonist expresses the grief he experienced after losing the lover he is trying so hard to save. Later tracks emphasize this as the protagonist begins to doubt his ability to bring his lover back.

Standing as a message of inspiration and a sign not to give up, “Thank You For The Venom” has become very popular within its target audience. Critics began to blame My Chemical Romance for making music purely to become famous, to which the band responded saying that the fans are a huge impact on their music. They never wanted to be on the front covers of magazines and at the head of the rock scene, but at a certain point they could no longer fight the inevitable. The song narrates what is possibly a nun attempting to convert a horrible sinner, then being murdered by the man. The sinner could be the protagonist continuing his killing spree, knowing that no amount of preaching could save him. In the following tracks, he questions again if his lover is really worth kill one thousand evil souls. After a woman representing his lost love holds him at gunpoint and tells him to stop his killing spree, he considers shooting himself and therefore dying for her instead of killing. He trudges on still and vows revenge on this woman as his story nears its end. After killing nine-hundred ninety-nine evil souls, he realizes that the last one he must take is his own. He begins hallucinating that his wife is there with him and even holds conversations with her before remembering that she is not there. It is heavily suggested that his lover committed suicide after getting drunk, though the means are unknown. The protagonist finally comes to terms with the fact that he is destined to die and that he would never have been able to resurrect his wife.

In the final track, “I Never Told You What I Did For a Living”, the man completes his transaction with the devil. He accepts his fall from grace, but knows that once he is with his love again it will all have been worth it. Once he kills the last soul, himself, it is revealed that the devil tricked him. As a result of his astounding body count, he has been damned to hell instead of being reunited with his lover. His final realization is that it was all for nothing and that he has simply become a monster.

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge’s final lines are a callback to the group’s first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, or Bullets for short. Dozens of lines throughout the album reference Bullets, and the lovers featured are even referred to as two “Demolition Lovers”. Initially, fans and critics believed that the two albums were linked as one continuing story, but that theory has been denied. Past its horrific tale, many songs actually send a buried positive message- keep going. Specifically “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” and “Thank You For The Venom” have worked to debunk the band’s stereotype of being a suicide cult. Ironically, these songs have also become symbols of this said suicide cult, given the references to death and self-destruction, which leads many younger listeners to fall prey to this cult mentality that the media has created. That very concept was something that My Chemical Romance vehemently spoke out against, seeing as the very reason they began making music was to help people. Even despite being twisted and forgotten by the media, that is still exactly what they did. Although fame wasn’t what they wanted, in the end they achieved exactly what they wanted: to help people. Their worldwide fame simply allowed them to reach farther and wider than ever imagined.

As previously stated, all tracks on the album not only tie into the crazy narration of two dead lovers, but into the real lives of the bandmates, specifically Gerard and Mikey way. For example, “The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You” personifies Gerard’s struggle with alcoholism and cocaine addiction in the form of a woman. He says that he could stay with her for hours even though she will eventually kill him. He was able to sober up and toured for Three Cheers during his first full year sober, which he described as extremely difficult. “The Ghost Of You” helps paint the picture of how the brothers were grieving after the loss of their grandmother, Elena.

Elena was one of the most powerful influencers behind the creation of My Chemical Romance and continued to inspire them throughout their entire career. Thanks to her, the band went on to inspire millions of young adults worldwide. Had she not supported her grandchildren like she did, so many more influencers would have never developed the confidence to take their first steps into the sunlight. These influencers include Palaye Royale, Twenty One Pilots, Post Malone, and Yungblud. Who knows how many more celebrities truly are that wouldn’t be where they are without the influential messages of My Chemical Romance? Who knows who the next possible star will be? I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out. Go enjoy yourselves, internet.

“And we'll love again, we'll laugh again We'll cry again, and we'll dance again And it's better off this way, so much better off this way I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed!”

#three cheers for sweet revenge #my chemical romance #music

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singleandlonely · 4 years

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Beauty Guru! Adrien

Haha I was reading a fic and the thought of Adrien getting PR packages spiraled to this, enjoy:

Adrien was 13 when the package came. He just started modeling for Gabriel and already became a sensation

And with great fame comes great responsibility

Aka PR packages

At first he was shocked but excited

I mean cmon free stuff that was personally addressed to you with the hopes that you will like it and talk about it?

It was a collection of makeup from an indie brand based in Paris who were hoping he would give them a shout-out

Now because I decreed it so Emilie isn’t gone yet

She is the one who brought the package- giggling like a schoolgirl because she is

The fun parent ™️

He and his mother end up playing and experimenting with the makeup all night, having a blast.

They get a couple of goofy videos and pictures of them with it and post it to twitter thanking the brand for the package and they enjoyed it a lot

One of the videos was Emilie talking about the quality and how it was really good while Adrien is putting on the makeup with the cutest “cinnaroll is concentrating, tongue stick out mood activated”™️

Video goes viral, the indie brand goes viral, then more and more packages come in

Slowly Adrien grows as a makeup gradually learning more

He watches a lot of videos on hair, skin, makeup, lifestyle, and health to grow his skills

The next summer was spent at various camps learning makeup and hair

Gabriel thought this would lead to more interest in the brand and let him follow around and intern with the beauty crew

He is actually a lot more into modeling because of it, and is more interested in his health too.

Adrien asked his dietician if a few changes could be made and the next thing he knew foods to benefit his skin and hair were added in his diet

He eventually asks his parents if he could have a YouTube channel and a beauty room and his parents converted a spare room to fit his needs.

He ended up being the most subscribed YouTuber within a day and a single post- 2 million subs from his first video titled “wowie I got a YouTube + Going into more in-depth reviews on twitter covered brands”

It has Emilie and Gabriel in it. It’s the first and last video she’s in.

A week after that he disappears off of YouTube. Gabriel announced Emilies disappearance

The agrestes disappear from the media altogether until 2 months later where Adrien goes back to modeling and Gabriel announces he hates everyone and is a recluse he will be launching a new line

Adrien posts to YouTube again at a semi regular basis, reviewing and talking about things he learned and wants to learn to be a better beauty guru.

A year later and Adrien is widely remarked as the most “not troublesome, sweet, and cinnaroll of the beauty community”

Drama channels don’t touch him. He is well liked and rarely spoken of in a matter that is shady.

If it is shady. Good luck because the beauty community is ruthless and you can go from somebody to nobody in an instant

He’s 15 when he gets to DuPont and already well known for his YouTube and modeling he is shocked when a girl doesn’t know who he is

Being treated like an equal- no something lower than that- made him feel human for the first time in a while.

He falls for Mari and falls hard. And after the umbrella scene she fell too.

So instead of some wacky love square you have two cinnarolls who are pining idiots for eachother and two superhero best bros

Adrien slowly brings his friends on his channel and when he brings Marinette for the first time let me just say the internet broke

Twitter crashed, YouTube froze, and tumblr was about to commit ship-icide (tbh it’s always like that but even closer than usual)

Everyone could see the attraction between these two love struck fools and when I say this was the talk of everything the next week I mean it.

(Fun fact: it became one of the most liked non-music video videos in YT)

They showed up together in a couple more videos obviously getting closer and closer.

They started dating but decided not to say anything because they wanted to explore the relationship on their own before letting outsiders see.

Ofc the vilest of villians showed up: Lila Rossi

She schemes and lies her way into making it on Adriens second channel- a vlog channel where he films his friends and social life along with some health stuff.

She clings onto her throughout the video and he is noticeably uncomfortable.

People are P i s s e d

The video gains traction as more and more people rip this girl open- first for her sexual harassment, then for her lies (which disgust many many people due to their nature) and third-

Third of all she disrespected Marinette and the Adrienette ship!

The line has been crossed

Anyways fast forward: lila is in a correctional facility for sociopaths, in Italy

her mom is shocked but is comforted by the fact that Adrien publicly claimed her side (lilas mom does not deserve that backlash)

Him saying that she didn’t know and that it was normal- siting examples of well known sociopaths that were found out to be sociopath years later (ted Bundy comes to my mind

Moral of the story?

Adrien is literally the internet’s sweetheart: cross at your own risk

Sorry that I got lazy near the end. This is just the rundown on the AU. I might expand on it more later because I think it’s a great idea, and also extras:

His third YT is a YouTube dedicated to anime and other PR packages/product reviews that aren’t beauty related.

He has a Instagram account that is just stupid memes for people that need cheering up. The name would totally be “catdrienmemegreste”

He is all about giving back and often has giveaways, he also sponsors MrBeast a lot so he can help the homeless and needy.

He doesn’t have much need for the ad revenue from YouTube so it all goes to charities, akuma therapy, and orphanages.

He totally loves buzzfeed for all the “adrienette moments/is real here’s why” articles before they were dating. And during.

Ladybug and chat noir reveal was both of them blinking rapidly before LB says “so that’s why his eyeliner is better than mine”

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #adrienette #marinette dupain cheng #beauty guru adrien #new mlb au #mlb au #mlb #miraculous ladybug tales of ladybug and chat noir #ack #i hope you like

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somnilogical · 4 years

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they will never be as strong or as fast as i can be

copy/pasted from a convo:

<<somni: ive been exploiting being able to talk about everything vs miri/cfar cant do what i do bc if they did they would talk about how they are evil. it would all chain back.

somni: omg i can just post this to my blog because i can talk about my meta-strategy and it confers pretty much no relative advantage to miri/cfar. because 1 most of them have disassembled their agency so its like talking in front someone who works at the dmv about taking over the world and the ones that have any agency (basically just anna salamon) have to work with and coordinate via brokenness the masses that have and 2 feels secure in the way that saying ill use my soul as my weapon feels secure, like the power of this technique doesnt depend much on people not knowing im using it.>>

truth is entangled and lies contagious. justice is entangled and injustice contagious. in order to sustain their facade, miri/cfar had to chain back to lie about the principles of decision theory itself. lie about the organization structure of cfar, lie about miri's fundraiser. and so much more.

any series of reasoned claims they make will chain back to stuff thats false or injustice, because they seek to maintain a region of untruth and injustice.

so yeah, miri/cfar basically cant talk in public except in staid formalities infinitely pouring the same entropy of "these people are psychotic" "these people are infohazards" "do not read what they write" "stay the course" "everything is under control, do not panic" "i know my associates at miri/cfar, they are good people" "if you talk with these people you may become a rapist". but not actually able to manifest dynamic compute. to explain themselves they built their own personal room 101, filled with miri/cfar affiliates and formed a united front of gaslighting. deluks (author of that one rationalist blog where they worked to read and summarize all the others) talks about the kind of compute miri/cfar manifested:

<<deluks: I also updated a lot based on Bay Area safety discussion

idk if I have ever been in such a hostile environment for anyone trying to discuss making thigns safer

If you wanted to discuss how Anna et all were innocent people would happily chat with you

If you tried to discuss ideas for making things safer either you got silence

or people would be insanely hostle if you plausibly slipped up at all

or even seemed like you might have been not careful enough in how you phrased things

extremely careful -> no engagement at all//even slightly less care -> get dogpilled>>

they have picked up the optimization style of of cops, as alice maz described them:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

i can travel lots of places and regenerate truth and justice.

i can go to a trans support group in the bay and show them logs of what elle said and did and they can recognize the pattern of minority oppression, transmisogyny.

i can talk with uninvolved decision-theorists about why paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail." is wrong. and why exploiting your subjunctive dependence as a udt agent to not pay out is right. they cant.

miri/cfar have to centrally coordinate on lies or they start crashing into each other. independently generating falsehoods in isolation makes them point in all directions.

independently generating and working off of truths allows everything to point in the same direction without needing to communicate. i can write this post and then idk maybe someone im algorithmically colluding with on this writes another post and they dont come out all distorted and skew with each other. this caches out in what looks from the outside as an uncanny ability to start dynamically colluding with people and output distinct strains of philosophy based on shared precepts.

interference with yourself looks like kelsey piper trying to claim that emma and somni are starting some sort of rape cult and anna and miri/cfar trying to claim we are naive victims of ziz's cult and ▘▕▜▋ claiming emma and somni are mindhacking ziz to make her bully them and jade nameless claiming im doing this to get a job at cfar and ...

since they make up their fake coordination points independently they smash into each other. if they want to coordinate over lots of people they then have to work out which of these they want to coordinate around in a sort of market of falsehoods. and have to arrange for it to not contradict any information anything people know. but they dont know all the information everyone knows, and they wont know it even after combing through lots of blogs and reading lots of discord chats.

when they try coordinating on falsehoods like this, its hard to get a coalition together in an environment where what people know is rapidly changing because a bunch of anarchist bloggers keep posting things in a bunch of places on a non-centrally controlled schedule determined by what seems like a good idea at the time to independent agents. and having lots of conversations with so many different people in private and public they cant keep track of them all.

if they try pretending to be dumb and forming a unified gaslighting front in one area. then people will exploit the fact that this is the internet and not the evolutionary environment, take logs and post them somewhere else where everyone didnt collude to be dumb in this particular way. so while their monkey brains get a rush of endorphins from being able to successfully coordinate local humans, what feels like an entire tribe, against the blasphemer, actually they just used their adult intelligence to defeat in front of a bunch of people who dont share their political commitments but who can reason about what is true and what is just.

(of course there are many truths this doesnt work on because of large inferential distance, shared mammalian biases it takes an unusual mind to step over, and shared incentives. but the defense of most regions of injustice and untruth when you ask questions have to keep chaining to more and more absurd things until you are defending causal decision theory or start claiming 'anna salamon, the president of cfar, is not involved in cfar's hiring'. which depend on a social context committed to defending everything that protects miri/cfar and people who dont have the same conclusion-that-must-not-happen can see that its dumb.)

if miri/cfar had committed themselves to the path of expanding agency, maybe i wouldnt be posting my thoughts and meta-process on the public internet. (in the counterfactual where they committed to this path, its likely that i wouldnt be protesting. because it seems actually-hard to stay on the path and remain evil.) but as it stands, i expect this information to differentially help anarchists and do about as much good for statists as explaining updateless decision theory to someone at cfar. its just this inert structure in their brains, they cant do anything strategic with it. they intentionally shut down their ability to take ideas seriously and drive out anyone left who can, calling them crazy.

what they can do is "oh here is a list of people to target" and "see if they said anything incriminating". ive seen their attempts to coordinate enter the attractors of 'authoritarianism' (duncans dragon army, kingsleys "repent and submit to [AUTHORITY FIGURE]") and 'lets all lie in the same direction and disable general cognition to update out of this! the important part is social agreement and that everyone allows social reality to have the final veto on their beliefs. i myself do this so you know im super safe and this is super fair.' (anna and kelsey). this sort of weak coordination based on breaking people can be easily subverted by anything real.

if you are actually right, you can exploit useful properties of being right and let that be your asymmetric weapon. such that all that challenge you know they will know its steel. and then people who compute the outcome and expect to lose, dont fight in the first place.

if my chosen weapon were actually the size of my muscles and imposing figure compared to anna salamon as miri/cfar people "believed" (exploiting the already extant anti-transfem psychic suppression field as one of their few functioning coordination points. probably not as functional now after what i have written.), then when i fought people it would create a warp field such that then people with smaller muscles wont fight in the first place, but id be deluged by people with larger muscles. i dont want to create a warp field that summons people with lots of muscles.

if i exploit properties of my souls, of truth and justice. then i have an arsenal of techniques that are stronger if i actually want to save everyone, if im actually right, if im acting for justice. because they exploit useful differential properties of each. and the warp field in higher density summons ... people who care about saving the world, truth, and justice. in other words, a high density of potential allies.

by default i want to exploit "the difference is that im right" not "the difference is that i have larger muscles". i want differential power to push away those who are wrong and unjust and attract those who are right and just into a kind of warp hull.

there are other reasons as well.

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nebulous-frog · 5 years

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Stand Proud

Summary: Dan finally got the job he’d always wanted: he was officially the newest curator at the Marquee Art Museum. He already had the perfect idea for his first exhibit and with the much-needed support of his coworker, Phil, he could make it a reality.

Word Count: 4645

Genre: Getting Together, AU, Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of homophobia (no actual homophobia though)

Author’s Note: This is my work for the @phandomreversebang! Big thank you to @vacationphan for betaing and being lovely and awesome! Also thanks to @yiffandquiff, my artist!

ART

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

Walking into his new curatorial job for the first time, Dan felt extremely overwhelmed and underqualified. Sure, he wasn’t exactly new to museum work - he’d gone to school for years, done internships all over and worked his way up from a few museum historian jobs. When none of that was working fast enough for him, he started his YouTube channel about art and art history, gaining a few million subscribers quicker than he thought possible. Everything he’d done had been building up to curation, and every step of the way made him more sure that that was what he wanted, solidifying his love of museums and art. The journey had all been to prepare him for that goal, so he should have felt ready -this was what he’d been waiting for his whole life.

Dan couldn’t remember a time he hadn’t loved museums. They held overflowing knowledge and laid it all out in interactive exhibits for people to enjoy, and he’d always loved it. He learned so much about so many different things, with topics changing at each new museum he visited. He couldn’t get enough. His favourite, though, would always be art museums.

His earliest memory of going to an art museum he remembered with special fondness; his mother had dragged him along to one to spend time with a friend, but she didn’t expect him to like it. He was barely four years old, after all, so it didn’t seem likely that a quiet, dully-lit museum would hold his attention for long. In fact, she’d been hoping he wouldn’t like it so she would have an excuse to politely extract herself from the outing.

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. The very first painting they saw had Dan enchanted. His mother’s friend was chattering on about something neither Howell cared about, but Dan paid her no mind. He just stared up at the painting, in absolute awe of the colours and shapes. When his adult companions tried to move on to the next painting, he wailed, devastated at the thought of having to leave behind something so beautiful. Finally, his mother managed to pick him up and carry him farther into the exhibit before stopping at another painting with her friend. Dan’s tears ceased, eyes widening, as he took in the sight of this new art.

The painting was of waves crashing in a storm out at sea, a small boat fighting to stay upright in the distance. The canvas was textured with all the layers of paint, and a fascinated Dan reached out to touch it, but his mother was holding him too far away. He kept his arm outstretched despite the failure to actually touch, too fixated on the art to notice.

For the next several hours, the trio slowly made their way through a few exhibits, stalled by Dan’s wonderment (much to his mum’s chagrin). He wouldn’t remember any of the paintings later, only the feelings of absolute awe and joy that accompanied each piece of art.

And that was just the beginning of Dan’s art museum experience. Art museums became his favourite place. He’d visit the one nearest to his home any spare moment he had and insisted on exploring new ones in all the cities his family travelled to.

So now, as he finally became a curator at an art museum twenty-three years later, he could not have been more thrilled. The Marquee Art Museum had seen his YouTube videos delving into the history of modern art pieces and decided he was perfect for their new curatorial position. His job would be to curate galleries specifically targeted towards the next generation of museum-goers. They even encouraged him to maintain the channel he loved so much, rather than insisting he quit to focus solely on his work at the museum.

It wasn’t a very big museum, but it all felt so intimidating. Dan was in charge of things now and he’d be working with people- not just that, people would be working for him. Following the receptionist through the museum to the director’s office, he could feel the pressure building. The galleries looked amazing already, so anything Dan added to the legacy would have to be equally as amazing. He hoped he was up to the task.

As it turned out, he wouldn’t have to be up to it immediately, at least not on his own. The museum director explained how his first few months would progress as soon as he got to her office.

“Since this is your first job in curation, I felt it best that you have a guide,” she began. “I have every faith in your ability, but I want this to be as smooth a transition as possible for you. Our curator of photography, Phil Lester, currently has the least on his plate, so he’ll be helping you acclimate. He’s a lovely chap, so I’m sure you’ll get on beautifully.”

Dan felt his heart leap in his chest. Phil Lester was a YouTuber like Dan, posting mostly content about museums, but while Dan covered art history, Phil talked about his experiences in museums as both an employee and a visitor. Dan had been following and adoring him for ages, but they’d never met; he was fairly certain Phil didn’t even know he existed. But now they were going to be working together, which was both exciting and terrifying.

His boss shuffled some papers around on her desk, finally finding a file and handing it over to Dan, unaware of the internal freak-out Dan was experiencing. “This has information about what I expect your schedule to be for your first gallery, as well as budget information. Phil will help you look through our art database and come up with a plan. Any questions?”

Dan shook his head. “I think I’ve got it.”

She smiled. “Great. Well, that’s all I have for you for now, so I’ll have Louise take you first to your desk and then over to Phil.”

As Dan left her office and followed Louise, he felt the anxiety rising once more. The pressure of starting this new job was not at all helped by the fact that Dan was about to meet someone he respected and looked up to so much. He’d met other YouTubers before and they could be such snobs sometimes, so he was doubly anxious about meeting Phil. But as soon as Dan saw him, he knew Phil’s internet persona was his real personality and they’d hopefully become fast friends. There was something about the brightness of his eyes and the easiness of his smile that reassured Dan.

“Phil, this is Dan Howell, the new curator.”

Dan gave an awkward wave. “Hey, good to meet you. I’ve seen some of your videos - big fan.”

“Oh, really?” Phil said brightly. “I was about to say the same to you!”

A flush of pride washed over Dan. “Thank you! It means a lot.”

Louise coughed awkwardly, reminding them she was still there. “Well, I’ll let Phil take over from here so I can get back to my own job. Lovely meeting you, Dan!”

Soon after, they were sitting at Dan’s desk. Phil quickly helped Dan pull up the collections database on his computer.

“Alright, Dan. What do you have in mind so far?”

He’d been anticipating this question since he’d gotten the job, but he still had no answer. He knew what his dream gallery would be about, but he wasn’t quite ready to commit to any true ideas without knowing what he had at his disposal. He also wasn’t sure he was ready to share something so personal with someone he’d only just met, especially if his idea was rejected on the first day of his dream job and by someone whose work he admired so much.

“I’ve got a few vague ideas in mind, but I need to browse through some art first, I think. If that’s okay, I mean.”

Phil smiled at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “That’s totally fine! Do you want to start anywhere in particular, or shall I choose? Fair warning, though: I’ll probably start with photography.”

Dan chuckled. “Works for me.”

For the next few hours, Phil sat with Dan as he scrolled through the database, chiming in with fun facts about the art as they went. Sometimes it would be interesting historical tidbits, but more often than not it would be funny comments on what the subject of the art was thinking.

As time went on, Dan saw enough of the kind of art he was looking for that his ideas started to coalesce into a unified theme that he could work with. A particularly inspiring photo finally pushed him over the edge, comforting him enough to make him feel safe sharing his ideas with Phil.

“I’d really love to do a gallery of queer art,” Dan blurted, interrupting Phil’s latest strand of artist facts. “Like, LGBT+, not weird art,” he clarified as Phil remained silent.

Phil’s eyes were wide with surprise, and for a moment Dan was worried he’d made friends with a homophobe. But then a grin slowly spread across Phil’s features.

“I can’t believe I never thought of doing that! That’s brilliant!”

Dan let out a relieved sigh. “You really think so?”

Phil nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! What a great way to involve and inspire young adults in the arts! Do you have any more specific thoughts yet, or is it just that so far?”

Clicking a button to bookmark the photo on the database, Dan shrugged, then turned to shyly look at Phil. “Well, I’ve actually been thinking about this for years. As a gay man, I’ve always wanted to see an exhibit of queer art, so I’ve been considering what I might do to curate one for a long time.” He paused, trying to make it seem like he was simply gathering his thoughts before continuing, when in reality he was attempting to gauge Phil’s reaction to his sexuality. He figured Phil wouldn’t react poorly, given his support of the gallery idea so far, but he also knew from experience that he could never be too careful.

When Phil offered a beaming smile of encouragement, Dan smiled back and relaxed, launching into the meat of his idea. “I want to have this gallery feature as many queer artists as possible and all the art should be about a range of topics within the queer experience,” Dan described, confidence growing as he spoke. “Some of it should be political, some of it should be art for art’s sake, some should describe coming to terms with being queer, and some should just show queer people being happy.” He stared at the picture he still had up on his screen. “Happy like this.”

The picture was a black-and-white photograph of two men dancing together, maybe a waltz, totally lost in each other’s eyes and smiling so fondly that Dan ached to be in love.

When Dan shook himself out of his reverie, he found Phil smiling at him and had to shake himself again; surely, Phil couldn’t be that fond of him already.

“I really love this idea. I’m gay, too, by the way, so I think it would be great to get some more concentrated representation out there. I’m pretty sure I know of some pieces that would fit already, if you want?”

Dan grinned. He was about to begin the process of curating his dream gallery and it would be by, for, and featuring members of the LGBT+ community. He couldn’t wait.

“Absolutely.”

~~~~~~~~~~

For the next few weeks, Dan and Phil were hard at work refining the theme of the gallery and compiling the art for each part. They rarely disagreed on their creative decisions, which was truly a blessing, but when the occasional disagreement arose they easily remained level-headed and could talk through the issue until a compromise was found.

In the second week, Phil suggested they hang out after work and get to know each other better outside the context of the museum, so they headed to Dan’s flat. A Chinese takeaway dinner and some Ribena later, and they were battling intensely in Mario Kart and laughing hysterically. For the first time in a while, Dan felt perfectly content.

Dinner and Mario Kart nights continued on, mostly as a weekend tradition after the third week.

That was when Phil offered to collaborate with Dan on a few YouTube videos, one for each of their channels. Dan, of course, agreed immediately, so they planned to film on the weekend. Neither of them worked at the museum on weekends, which left them with plenty of time to film and then chill for a while, their friendship growing stronger by the minute.

Back at the museum, the gallery plans were progressing well. Every so often, the significance of what they were putting together would hit one of them. Dan would lean back in his chair, an excited smile growing on his face, wondering at how he’d managed to get to this point.

He’d grown up with such little positive representation and had always desperately craved something, anything to reassure him that being himself was perfectly okay. He couldn’t go back in time and fix his childhood, but he could be a source of hope for young people now, and that meant so much to him.

But Dan already knew how significant this would be. How could he not? He’d been thinking about curating a gallery like this for over a decade by now. What really warmed his heart was when Phil had moments like that.

The first time it happened, they’d been poring over stacks of photographs by queer artists when Phil froze halfway through lifting one off the pile.

“Phil? Are you okay?”

Phil blinked, his eyes wide and fixed on the next picture he could see.

“I- It’s- It’s just that, well- This is going to sound totally ridiculous, but this picture feels really important. I’m not sure what it is about it, but I know it’s important.”

Dan rolled his chair down the table closer to him to take a look at the photo Phil had just uncovered. In the photograph were two men, faces close together. They’d clearly just been kissing, but they were grinning too much to kiss now.

After a few moments of silence, Phil spoke again.

“I can’t stop thinking about how this could help someone, you know? How it could even be life-changing. In a good way, I mean.”

Dan felt his heart clench. It wasn’t only him; Phil saw the value of what they were putting together and knew they were making a difference. It felt so good to know he wasn’t alone.

“People are gonna see this and know that being gay doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You can be gay and still be happy like anyone else,” Phil continued. “I don’t think enough people have been told that. I wasn’t told that; I had to figure it out myself.”

It hurt to hear Phil say that. He didn’t sound sad, necessarily, but he said it so matter-of-factly that it was like an emotional slap to the face for Dan. It meant that, at some point in his life, Phil hadn’t known that he could be happy being gay. Dan could relate, but the last thing he wanted was for Phil to feel that way, too, and he was so glad it seemed that Phil had learned since then, whenever it was.

After a quiet moment, Dan softly replied, “Add it to our pile.” He gestured between the photo and the stack of pictures they’d already agreed should be in the gallery. If this photo meant something to Phil, it would mean something to some teenager that wanders through the gallery. “I think this exhibit will do that, too. But I hope it does more. Like, this will be some good representation for LGBT+ visitors to see but it’ll show people who aren’t all that aware of the community the same things.” He absentmindedly straightened a photo that had been bumped before continuing, “This whole thing will basically say, ‘Queer people exist. Choosing not to accept them is not an option.’”

Phil hummed in agreement, already picking up the next picture. “Write that down, we should put it on a text panel somewhere.”

Dan laughed and pulled out his phone to put it in a note. “Saved for later.”

“Good.” Phil nodded, then looked at Dan, a soft smile on his face. “I’m glad to be working on this with you.”

A blush coloured Dan’s cheeks and he found it difficult to hold Phil’s gaze but did long enough to offer a shy smile and a mumbled “Thanks” before rolling his chair back to his spot.

~~~~~~~~~~

After all their planning, the exhibit technicians made quick work of putting everything in place. The night before the opening of the gallery, Dan and Phil checked everything one last time.

It was always hard to get people to follow the “proper” order of the exhibit without flat-out putting numbers, but Dan had made peace with that. Not everyone would experience the exhibit in the same way anyway, so there was no point getting upset over the struggles of enforcing exhibit wayfinding. But he and Phil had curated the exhibit with a specific visitor path in mind, so Dan followed it one more time, experiencing his exhibit as he’d intended.

He started out turning to the left directly inside the gallery and stopping in front of the introductory panel, “Stand Proud” painted on the wall in bold letters. Unlike much of the text in the gallery, Dan had written that panel himself, running it by the museum educator before it was finalized. It talked about the importance of representation and how everyone has a different life story, but this exhibit sought to highlight some of the key unifying factors of the queer experience.

If this exhibit helps even one person, the text concluded, we will consider it an enormous success.

Next, Dan moved through the first section of the exhibit, which featured art that told the personal narratives of the artists. Some of it was abstract, showing only vague colours meant to symbolize different phases of life, while some of it was hyperrealistic, depicting detailed tableaus of the ups and downs.

When they were working through the details, Dan and Phil had agreed that as much as they wanted to make the gallery all about the happy parts of being queer, they had to be true to real life, and that meant art about homophobia. They limited this part to a smaller corner of the exhibit, as much as was possible, because they knew how easy it was for queer narratives to be consumed by the negativity. Dan wanted to acknowledge that negativity as a vital part of identity formation, but he refused to let it control or define the exhibit - or queerness - as a whole.

The second section of the exhibit was art of queer people just being queer. There were paintings of same-sex couples, parodies of famous works but gayer, photographs of same-sex weddings and dates and kisses, and queer domestic scenes just like any other era of art might have with couples and families. It was a celebration and normalization of the joy queer people have the capacity to know. This was Dan’s favourite section.

The third and final section was all about pride. Pride flags, pride parades, pride colours, proud defiance of the society that had worked so hard to deny even the existence of the LGBT+ community for generations. This art was like a living thing, practically screaming “We’re Here! We’re Queer!”

On the wall near the exit to the exhibit were a blank canvas and an array of markers. Next to the canvas was a panel explaining the intention: direct interaction with the exhibit. The canvas was for signatures of the people that came through the gallery, be they queer or an ally. A second panel was nearby to summarize the exhibit; Dan had written this one, too. He wanted a personal message to tell people that their identities were valid and could not be stripped away.

The future is clear: It’s pretty queer.

Dan stared at what he had written for a long moment before Phil joined him.

“It all looks amazing to me,” Phil whispered. “What do you think?”

What did Dan think? He couldn’t say. He was too overwhelmed to think. All he knew was that it was perfect, so he just nodded.

“Then how about we put in the finishing touch, hm?” Phil gestured to the canvas. “After you.”

Dan nodded again and approached the bucket of markers, pulling out as many different colours as possible. In rainbow order, he wrote “Daniel Howell”, then stepped back so Phil could do the same with his own name.

When he was done, Phil put the markers back and walked to the front of the exhibit to speak with the exhibit technicians, still anxiously waiting for approval. Dan barely registered the movement, instead letting his feet carry him back to the middle section of the exhibit as if in a trance.

The black-and-white photograph of the men waltzing, the photograph that had captured Dan’s eye and reassured him enough to create all of this, rested in a neat frame. A happy moment in time, captured for future generations to see.

In the background, Dan was dimly aware of the sound of Phil dismissing the technicians for the night and footsteps. A few moments later, Phil’s shoulder brushed against his own.

They stared at the photograph in silence for a long while. Dan’s expression was completely blank as he drowned in his emotions and thoughts until he finally spoke.

“As a teenager, this would have been exactly what I needed. The photo, I mean. Just this small promise that there’s hope out there for someone like me.”

Phil nodded but didn’t say anything. Dan continued after a short pause.

“I was so alone back then. I didn’t understand anything that was going on and I was terrified. This picture sort of reminds me of that, I guess. But not in a bad way.” Dan bit his lower lip, then slowly rolled it back out from between his teeth. “I’m infinitely happier now than I was then, I think, so seeing this now and remembering back then has me recognizing how much better it’s gotten. I had no hope then, but I’m essentially living what I would have hoped for.” The first of many tears rolled down Dan’s cheek as he turned his head to look at Phil.

Phil was already looking at him, eyes soft and lips turned up in a small smile. He reached out a hand and brushed away the tears.

“Thank you, Phil,” Dan choked out, then cleared his throat. He would get through this and say what he had to say. “You’ve been so helpful throughout this whole process. This exhibit is a dream come true and I can’t imagine having done it without you.”

“Oh, Dan,” Phil whispered, slipping his hand into Dan’s. “Thank you for letting me be part of something so important and personal to you. It’s been an honour, truly.”

A sob escaped Dan’s lips and Phil cooed. He gently tugged Dan forward into a hug, running a hand through curls as he tucked Dan’s face into his neck.

It was a while before Dan calmed down enough to step out of the hug, but eventually he noticed the cramp in his back from bending and leaning into Phil and had to stop.

“Let’s go ‘round mine for some hot chocolate, yeah?” Phil offered, and Dan nodded his agreement with a weak smile.

Not long later, they were giggling as they clambered awkwardly out of a cab, still holding hands since the gallery. They had to let go to make the chocolate and get comfortable on Phil’s sofa, but Dan replaced the hand-holding with cuddling right up into Phil’s side, his head resting on Phil’s chest and his feet curled up beneath him.

They sipped their hot chocolates quietly for a while, placing the empty mugs on the coffee table when they were done. Dan supposed he should probably get off of Phil and head home, but he couldn’t make himself move. He was entirely too comfortable and enjoyed Phil’s company too much to get up now.

Phil seemed to feel the same way, as he snaked his arms around Dan and pulled him closer. Dan’s brown eyes met Phil’s blue ones and he forgot how to breathe. Phil’s eyes were trained on his own with the fondest expression he’d ever seen, and then they dropped down to his lips briefly before returning to his eyes. For a tense moment, Dan thought nothing would come of it, but then he saw Phil lean in slowly, eyelids drifting closed, and their lips met softly in the middle. They parted after only a few seconds.

Dan knew that they’d have to talk, figure out what this was, but for now all that mattered was how much he liked Phil and how much Phil clearly liked him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan cried again when they opened the gallery the next day. He couldn’t help it; it was his major curatorial debut and he’d gone and done something extremely personally significant. He couldn’t keep his emotions under control in the slightest and it was horrifically embarrassing. Phil was standing very close next to him and was in the prime place to witness Dan’s breakdown, but he still hoped that Phil wouldn’t notice. Of course, he was never that lucky.

Moments after the first tear rolled down Dan’s cheek, a hand brushed against his own. Surprised, Dan turned to look but immediately cursed himself; he’d just faced Phil directly and now there’d be no hiding his embarrassment.

He looked away again as fast as possible and pretended to be intensely focused on fixing the rainbow flag pin on his lapel.

“Hey,” Phil murmured, leaning in to make sure Dan could hear. “It’s okay.” His fingers slipped between Dan’s so they were holding hands and squeezed gently.

Another fat tear escaped. “No, I’m just being ridiculous. I already did this yesterday and-”

“No way,” Phil insisted. “I cried for my first exhibit, too. This has been building for you for years, it’s okay to show a little emotion.”

Dan swallowed thickly, careful not to choke out his response. “It’s not just about it being my first exhibit, though. You know that. I’m caught up in thinking about how much I would have loved this growing up, and the people this could help now that it’s here and-” he took a shuddery breath. “It means a lot.” He glanced back at Phil through his lashes, not quite willing to look at him directly yet.

A soft smile played at Phil’s lips, one that told Dan that he understood completely.

“I’m so proud of you,” Phil whispered.

Those few words broke the dam and suddenly tears were streaming down Dan’s face, uncontrollable.

“I’m- I-” Dan squeaked. “I need a minute.” He pulled his hand out of Phil’s and raced to the nearest toilet, hiding away to regain control of his emotions.

He’d been so busy recently that he hadn’t had the time to process anything. The last month had been absolutely frantic, full of throwing together the final key parts of the exhibit and swapping things around and navigating this growing relationship with Phil. It had finally all caught up to him, slapping him in the face with so many realizations and feelings that it was hard to make sense of it all.

All he could say for certain was that he was happy. Obnoxiously, blindingly happy.

#phan #phanfic #phan fluff #Phandom reverse bang #getting together #first kiss #phan au #gay #lgbt+ things

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amilynh · 4 years

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teddythecat1234 replied to your post: For the reader's ask: How did you find your first...

I’m not into Star Trek anymore either. I used to be into TNG when I was young and I stuck with it through DS9 (which I never enjoyed as much) and Voyager (which I liked much better), but Captain Picard will always be MY Captain and the Enterprise D is MY space ship. I never got into any of the later spinoffs.

I have seen all 78 eps of TOS, I saw all the movies up through First Contact (after the hand-off), and my friends and I even got all gussied up like we were going to the formal opera, and we called our opening-night First Contact even "Prom Trek" since none of us had gone to prom (NO regrets: we gave ZERO fucks), and so we made our own prom circa age 26-28 doing something we loved.

I watched TNG S1-S5, and then probably saw half of S6, and really not much afterwards, though I tuned in for the final ep (and was DEEPLY disappointed). My true love there was Beverly. (Ah, Gates McFadden, one of the three main people responsible for the realization of SO MANY of my generation's fans of, "Oh...I'm a *LESBIAN*!!" ...the others are Gillian Anderson and Linda Hamilton.).

I have heard SUCH good things about DS9, but I was at uni at the time, and it was one at, like, 3:30 on Saturday afternoons...and it would break up the day, and I'd forget...it was so inconvenient and non-intuitive that I never remembered to watch it, so I've only seen a smattering of eps (including OF COURSE the Mirror episodes...SO GOOD!). I wanted to like it, but timing worked against me.

I watched and LOOOOVED Voyager. I shipped Captn Katie and Chakotay SO hard..."Resolutions" OMG OMG. I was TRULY hopeful that they would address Captn Katie's escalating instability and risk-taking. And I was even MORE hopeful when they did the ep where she locked herself in her cabin for 3 months. I wanted to see them ADDRESS her severe depression and loss of sense of self when separated from the structure of Starfleet that she was so committed to and dependent on. I wanted to see the Doc relieve her of command in order to address and TREAT her depression...to acknowledge that she needed HELP rather than enabling her and ignoring it. But...they skirted that, as they skirted EVERYTHING they built up.

I hate Brannon Braga with the fiery passion of 10,000 suns. I mean, when he was asked, in S1, how they were going to handle when Tuvok inevitably went into Pon Farr, and THAT ASSHAT was like, "What? Pon what? ...OH! Oh, but that's from the OLD show and this is a different show, so that doesn't apply." WTF YOU ASSHOLE OMG YOU'RE PART OF A WIDER CONTINUITY....AAAARRRFGGHGGHH!!! And...then they DID do ...something with it...and it fell TOTALLY flat for me.

I watched S1-S5 (again), and I WANTED to like "The Year of Hell," but it just didn't LAND for me Because Reset. I LOVED the episode where it turned out that Barclay was able to communicate with them...that slender connection to their home...that was VERY cool. And I LIKED Seven...but I didn't like that stupid catsuit...nor did I like that it became the Seven Of Nine Show.

I loved B'Lanna and Tom. I loved how they DID handle HER response to the obliteration of the Maquis and addressed that she was deliberately engaging in dangerous behaviors. I just wish they'd ALSO done that with Captn Katie; she was ENDANGERING THE WHOLE SHIP. I did appreciate that they revisited the concept, but with another character.

A friend had the headcanon (which is really just logic) that the Delaney twins from Stellar Cartography could almost NEVER rest because, typically, on a small ship working in well-travelled areas, just how much does Stellar Cartography DO? ....And then suddenly they're in a TOTALLY UNMAPPED AREA...and they need to recruit DOZENS to help them do all the mapping of this entirely un-documented area...but there are only 120-140 PEOPLE on board...so they must have never slept.

I think they should NEVER EVER let Chakotay fly the shuttles; they couldn't REPLACE them...and he kept crashing or damaging them or (check out the Coffee Nebula) just, you know, ACCIDENTALLY LEAVING SHUTTLECRAFT BEHIND by flying down to the planet and then BEAMING BACK UP.

I missed it when they stopped emphasizing that there was a SHORTAGE of resources. When Janeway couldn't have her coffee? SO awesome. When Neelix was cooking weird variations of the same thing? SO GOOD. I missed that as they forgot that resources were limited and caution was SUPER necessary.

I watched the series finale and was like...Chakotay and SEVEN??? WTF??? And I wanted not to see it END with them returning...I wanted to see the conflict of "Now we're FINALLY back to Starfleet YAY!" ...and the realization that, after HAVING to function independently for so long, finding it VERY difficult to fit into the demands of a command structure again. I wanted to see the reaction to how things had changed in the Alpha Quadrant...the Maquis adjusting to the annihilation of the Maquis...SO many missed opportunities.

I tried to watch Enterprise. I tried. I mean...Scott Bakula. Hoshi. COOL stuff. And yet, they managed to make SCOTT BAKULA--a man who could make the cut of a dress look GOOD and who could sing, dance, play piano, play football...do ANYTHING (see: Quantum Leap) while seeming personable and likeable...they managed to make him BORING. WTF???? I thought Enterprise was a boringly hot mess...but their Mirror episodes were good. I mean...EMPRESS HOSHI? YES, PLEASE. And the ep where T'Pol told the story of her grandmother who got trapped on earth and "invented" velcro so that she could sell the patent and get money for the family who helped her (I call it the T'Nana episode because it was T'Pol's Nana, yo)...I liked that...but I liked the novel "Strangers from the Sky" better....and it's the same plot.

And since then, and especially with the reboot...I just have walked away; I've DONE my time with Trek. I am no longer enamoured, and yet I still appreciate it.

I REALLY love, even now, some of my favorite Pocket Books novels (from before Pocket made the rules so rigid that the novels were no longer just authorized fanfic). My FAVE ones are "The Entropy Effect," "Ishmael" (Barbara Hambly steathily got them to PUBLISH a Star Trek/Here Come the Brides crossover!!!! With Doctor Who jokes! And there's TIME TRAVEL!), and Jean Lorrah's PUBLISHED Sarek and Amanda novels (which ENTIRELY have the backstory that is from her zines that were my first serious fanfic knowing it was fanfic).

I'm forever grateful that Trek fandom was large enough and FINDABLE enough that it gave me the "in" that I needed, back when there was no internet, to FIND fandom, then to follow the bread crumb trails to the fans of OTHER shows I also loved.

#teddythecat1234 #star trek #tng #voyager #captn katie #janeway #chakotay #logic problems #brannon braga is the literal worst

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qunot · 5 years

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Lolicon’s Impact on Me

Oh, how I loathe to write this post, but write I must, I don't know if this will sink to the depths of darkness, but I'd like to think that at-least one soul might benefit from it.

I am what society would call a monster or aberration. A being who has no attraction to adults but does have it to kids. Some as young as 9.

Contrary to popular belief, I did not get bored some day and decide, "I am feeling really masochistic today, why don't I do something that is bound to really backfire on me and completely destroy my life, just to spice things up."

No one thinks like that, it is innate. From the very moment you're born to the very moment you die, it is a part of you forever and ever and it sucks. A lot. Having sex? Never. Having a relationship with someone? Never. Looking at porn? Only if you want to go to prison for forty years.

Also contrary to popular belief, I don't have the desire to jump on random people in fits of lust or to seek out sexual encounters just to relieve the pressure. This is similar to how you don't really see hordes of virgin men scouring the streets for every random woman they can forcefully abduct into their homes.

This is not to say that we are completely stable. Societal pressures involved (being called a monster constantly), having nowhere to turn to, etc. conspire to make us a fair bit more unstable than the national average.

I myself am actually fairly well-adjusted compared to many more unfortunate people like me.

Some go insane.

Some just give into temptation and eventually end up in a dark part of the web filled with things which shouldn't be allowed to exist.

Some get all self-loathing and punish themselves every-day to make themselves feel how much of a monster they are.

I on the other-hand manage to stay relatively stable, albeit having to deal with bouts of depression and mood instability. This wasn't always the case, and I attribute much of it to lolicon hentai, which is a sort of cartoon porn.

Unlike real pornography, every character is entirely fictitious and there is no person to horribly traumatize or to soil the reputation of by being associated with naked pictures of kids. Everyone wins. Society gets well-adjusted productive members of society and I get to be sane.

Except, is this really case? You would think that society would rally behind something with such great benefits, right? Sadly, politics is a huge part of anything to do with this, and more often than not, facts are optional.

At this point in the game, not only are the facilities to help support people woefully lacking, but governments have been carrying the flawed mindset that "this is a slippery slope which leads to children getting abused" when every law they pass actually achieves the opposite.

To really understand how this is so however, I am going to have to take you through a little story about myself and how I came to get to the point I'm at now.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I never really thought about sex, it was just something which never really crossed my mind. Other kids would mention a thing or two from time to time, but I would be content to leave that be.

That did end up changing, but not in the ways one might expect, I grew more and more curious towards kids who were far under my age, but were all but present. I would sometimes look at fully clothed images on the internet with a weird feeling.

And one day, I saw perhaps one of the youngest people there who looked a fair bit younger than they actually were, although still a fair bit younger than me who I found extremely cute unlike all of the so called "attractive girls" who the other teenagers would always talk about.

She was far, far less developed than them and that was very enticing.

I very awkwardly tried to make friends with her, and while it very slightly worked, my social awkwardness was off the charts and making it difficult to get much further and eventually it crashed and burned like many unrequited loves too.

During this process, I had a slight feeling that something was wrong, especially with the low age involved, but no one seemed to notice a thing as we were all well within the legal boundaries.

Those were the first encounters with this unique sexuality, although certainly not the last.

At some point, I'm not even sure exactly, , but I drifted away from looking at clothed images of real girls and started looking at random anime (cartoons of sorts which are produced in Japan) ones as I found them particularly cute.

I flicked through lots of them, being pulled more and more towards the young ones who I adored and contained the qualities I loved. I even childishly wanted to leave this world behind entirely.

This continued for a number of years, even past school, although I became more and more conscious of cute school kids roaming by. I didn't have any particularly bad intentions for them, but I did find myself looking whenever they happened to be nearby.

I gradually became more and more disillusioned with reality, especially with this taboo attraction which society all but called the devil and eventually all alone in the depths of depression and repressed self-loathing and after the deaths of several loved ones, I decided to deal with it once and for all.

Through a great deal of research, I discovered that sexual desire had a connection to several hormones within the body, so I thought that if I get rid of those, then I can become normal, right? It's not like these desires are good for anything, right?

Unfortunately, the methods to deal with this involved prescription drugs and getting a hold of them would require going through the right medical channels, but I didn't let this stop me.

I knew that if I let the information about me loose to those professional, then I might well be locked up for the rest of my days in some sort of mental hospital, unable to die. This is how deep the stigma regarding this condition runs, even what may be perfectly reasonable professionals in other times will go crazy at the thought, and I could not take this risk.

I managed to get the pills through sketchy yet perfectly legal channels and began to rid myself of this condition, discarding my former self and being reborn as a normal productive member of society... Except, this did not work, even slightly.

It is true that it somewhat reduced my sex drive, but the romantic attractions, protective instincts for them, etc. simply refused to disappear, so I channeled all my willpower to suppress those and tried to seek relationships with normal adults like any other human being.

As the chief symbol of my depravity, I also cut myself off from all cartoon porn and strived to maintain a porn free life as regular porn could do nothing but conjure up feelings of revulsion in me, as part of this, I slowly brainwashed myself into thinking that all sexual thoughts are evil and clamped down on them viciously.

This too failed as my distorted mental state and already irregular sexuality made it impossible to really get anywhere further than permanent friend zone. They eventually left and looked at me with disgust, or so the distorted feelings said.

As the hormones vanished, my body grew weaker and weaker to the point I would easily run out of breath even for short walks, my bones grew rickety, and I found myself staring listlessly at the wall for many hours at a time, my mind an empty void and occasionally thinking about throwing myself off the tallest building and researching the best way of committing suicide.

I also began to hear faint voices which weren't really there whispering and sometimes saying my name, calling for me and I grew steadily more paranoid about people watching me from outside the window or from behind me, even though there was no one there.

I drifted further and further from the world, continuing the courses of pills like a mindless zombie, and when I was out and about, I felt as if everyone around me was looking at me with the utmost disgust. I even ate a bit of bleach, while thinking about just ending it.

At some point, the pills ran out and I couldn't muster up the will to get more of them at that point, so I continued my suppression exercises and my mindset bit by bit still remained in a weird way, almost like that of an alien and yet I pressed forward convinced by that letting my repressed self out would be a terrible idea.

Eventually, a few more friends abandoned me due to my distorted mind, I pleaded with them to stay, but they took the rational choice. I can hardly fault them for that.

Completely distraught and unable to muster up the energy to continue, I ended up looking at the cartoon porn again and bit by bit reconnected with various people and continued trotting along until I learned that several people near me were arrested for doing the same thing and had their lives destroyed for it.

I freaked out and started looking into various laws and regulations and drifted towards the forums of the various sites which produced my favorite content. I pored over each page and even noticed a few people who were somewhat like me there, and even more surprisingly, they didn't seem to be the evil sadistic monsters which society taught me they were.

I ended up talking to them in a slightly liberating experience and learned a number of things. I also branched out into various other communities.

One of the things I learned is that looking at child abuse images is more of an addiction than being a complete sadistic monster, and that safer content is extremely scarce with people having to dig deeper and deeper into the darkness to find more of what they need.

According to them, it can allow one to vent more effectively than anything else, in practice, a lot of the content is so horrible that it ends up driving you to near suicide.

They also commented that it would have been impossible to escape from that content, if not for the fact that they had an alternate outlet to switch to. This reaffirmed my beliefs that an outlet is vital for dealing with your natural urges and to stay away from that horrible yet addictive content.

Fate tends to make fools of us all, however as while browsing, I stumbled upon a couple of blurry images. I looked in closer and each one was a naked child standing on her own completely naked, I was really surprised that something like this could actually exist on the surface web.

It had a stronger sexual attraction than usual and as I had never seen a naked child (of the right sex) before, I looked curiously at their body structure. Shortly after, I dragged myself away from those images, deciding to stay away from them and just focus on cartoon porn instead.

Several weeks later, I stumbled upon an article about the ban in Japan and discovered that those images in particular were commercially produced thirty years ago back when when it was legal, which made sense considering that the quality of the images was fairly poor by today's standards.

After all these events, I sat down and thought about the poor state of information regarding us.

For instance, there is a misconception that mere thoughts lead to cartoon porn which lead to real porn which lead to rape. Or the very common assumption that we are all crazy rapists by default, I used to think that too after hearing it so many times.

In truth, I have yet to see anyone who has actually abused someone, they seem vanishingly rare and I'm happy for it as-well as I would be very uncomfortable to be in the same space as someone who abused someone against their will.

This led me to think of ways to try to get information out to people that a lot of things have been massively misunderstood and I decided to write a short post. It won't quite be the most effective thing in the world, but every little bit helps in the grand scheme of things.

In the end, even though I am attracted to them and can fantasize about doing all manner of erotic things with them, I wouldn't actually be able to force them to do things against their will, even thinking of it would weigh too heavily on my conscience.

I don't know what you will make of this post, but I hope it's of use to at-least someone.

#society #life #art

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sickandtideeeee · 5 years

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By Bast - Chapter 9 (Erik x Reader)

A/N: maybe things will start moving from here haha. Please comment/reblog if possible! <3

Did you really want to hear this tyrant’s sob story?

It didn’t matter how you answered that question – there was an absolute need to hear him that sprang from somewhere deep within. In mere moments, you were consumed wholly by the hellish childhood that unfolded unsteadily before you. Erik – his American name was Erik Stevens – spoke clumsily and nonlinearly, sorting through the events of his life as though they were an endless tangled mess of cables.

It was an unnatural retelling of his life up to this point in time. When he had first started speaking, his tone was as flippant as usual as he described growing up as a child like any other believing in “fairy tales” of a fantastical land, Wakanda, imparted to him by his father. He paused suddenly and briefly, undoubtedly wondering if it was worth divulging this much personal information, but then something else seemed to seize control of his voice. He opened his mouth and words now seemed to tumble out, shakily, far from his own volition. His tone grew from confused to angry and finally evolved into a calmness that sharply contrasted the fiery confidence he always exuded.

What was even more unnatural was that some of the words N’Jadaka spoke would trigger memories in you that were not your own. Through his eyes, you saw his father in health, trying to instill a sense of self-confidence and pride in his son, teaching him where he came from. Through his eyes, you saw his father slain, and you knelt over a lifeless figure many times larger than the then-preadolescent N’Jadaka. The blood splattered in and around the deep claw wounds in his chest had already begun to dry or congeal, betraying the many hours he had lain there, all alone in the center of a small, dimly lit apartment. Vibranium claws glistened, protruding from his chest.

What kind of evil person leaves a child to bury his father and fend for himself?

Through young Erik’s person, a hastily packed suitcase slung over his shoulders, you knocked and knocked on a familiar apartment door only to find that ‘Uncle James’ who lived down the street seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Little did young Erik know that ‘Uncle James’ had long returned to Wakanda, and taken charge of another child, yourself, as though he had not abandoned another in dire need.

You watched him navigate the horrors of the foster care system, a preteen committing his first homicide while defending himself from a sexual predator who also was deemed the man of the house. As he progressed through adolescence, you felt the silent, caustic rage that emerged from his constant abandonment and disregard.

He graduated from university with honors despite growing up disenfranchised. He joined the military immediately. He flew through the ranks. He murdered, lied, stole, cheated and manipulated others his entire adult life. He threw out any hope of a normal life for the sake of wrath. He worked with international criminals, including one well-known to Wakanda, Ulysses Klaue, in order to get access to what he needed. Revenge.

You saw him keep score on his body, life after life after life.

You had seen enough. You shook your head as though to rid yourself of any further images. Had you been in a trance? At some point, your fingers had curled gently around his wrist. Withdrawing your hand rapidly, you stood up shakily, head still spinning.

N’Jadaka stared at you incredulously.

“You didn’t just hear what I said. You saw it.” He said this in a low whisper. His statement didn’t quite sound accusatory.

You didn’t respond, but your eyes began to glisten. It was enough for him to know for sure.

“Shit!” This time he bellowed, and you reflexively covered your ears, cowering as he seemed to fly towards you in a flurry of anger. For a split second, you wondered if you would become another raised mark on his skin.

“You fucking-!“ You closed your eyes, waiting for the blow. When it never came, you opened them to see him towering over you, hands clenched into fists. He glowered at you with eyes now tinged blood-red, his face hot; he seemed to literally be giving off steam and you could almost feel it off his skin, he was so far into your personal space.

“That shit was private. Don’t you ever fucking do whatever you just did again.” He spat, his face merely millimeters from yours. His intimidating glare lingered just a few seconds before he turned his back on you.

“Get the fuck out.” He said, without looking back. You recognized that this was a small act of mercy. If he had to take another look at you, he would change his mind and snap you like a twig. On that note, you took no time to gather yourself and skittered over to the door. You had entirely too much information to mull over the rest of the day.

But before you left him to his own, you stopped at the doorway. For the first time since he had arrived, you had garnered a tiny kernel of sympathy for him. Mustering the courage to speak, you faced his direction one more time.

“They were wrong to do that to you.” You croaked softly. You watched the muscles of his back tense up in response, but he did not respond. Your words hanging in the air just a little longer, you promptly turned and left.

He was and is still wrong to be who he is now, but they were wrong too, you thought, letting the door slam shut behind you.

It was not as though you hadn’t expected N’Jadaka to be above holding grudges – this was a man who was harboring anger against an entire country, after all - but this was excessive.

“So you really will not let me leave this room?”

The Dora standing in front of your doorway, facing outward, turned her neck to you and shook her head. She was clearly enjoying this, as indicated by the mischievous smirk that crossed her face.

Your stomach growled audibly, and you let out a defeated sigh. You had been confined to this room from the moment you woke up this morning at sunrise, and it was now approaching mid-afternoon. The guard turned on her heels suddenly as you attempted to close your door, almost startling you. She was at least 6 and a half feet tall and had to almost bend over to whisper to you.

“What did you say to him anyway? We’re all wondering.”

“Nothing.” Of course you lied. However, you weren’t sure if it was for your sake or for his.

She scrunched up her inappropriately cherub-like face in disappointment.

“That’s no fun,” she grumbled, crossing her arms as she returned to her post. You narrowed your eyes slightly in irritation, but quickly forgave her. Her earnestness could be useful. There was something about the softness of her voice that earned some trust. You decided not to lose this opportunity to ask about Amina. To your dismay, she frowned and kept mum, turning away from you.

You decided not to press - at least for now.

Instead, you retired back to your desk. Just from her facial expressions, you had gleaned enough important information. They had been alerted to her disappearance, but she did not appear to have been captured… yet.

Sitting at your desk, you used an AV Bead from your Kimoyo bracelet to access the internet. Through the grapevine, you had heard rumors that N’Jadaka was preparing to impose some censors to the network in a couple of weeks to limit the possibility of insurgency. Prideful as he was, he was tremendously aware that in the hearts of his citizens, he was only secondary to his much-preferred cousin and decided to block any discussion on the latter through the networks.

Today, you were shocked to see a trending, flashing headline that suggested the deployment of vibranium weapons to the Western world was happening in just a few hours.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Accessing the link brought you to a giant countdown timer with mixed commentary on the subject:

- how can this man just appear like this and make us meddle in things that have never concerned us?

- Finally someone understands that if we do not show ourselves to the world, they will feel like they have discovered us

- this man is very unstable. idiot ilali!!

- ^^ Tchaiii, my friend. Have you not heard that he has his people patrolling day and night? I beg, if you want to survive until sunrise please hold your fingers.

All of a sudden, you heard a muffled cry and a loud thud outside your door. Startled, you immediately went offline, almost dropping your beads. You faced the door with wide eyes. That had sounded too much like incapacitation.

Outside the door was a familiar voice.

“Nki, it’s me!”

It couldn’t be.

You ran out the door, crashing into Shuri, and the two of you both laughed and cried. Amina stood beside the two of you, the unfortunate young lady who guarded your door now slung over her shoulders, entirely unconscious.

Before you could ask any questions, Shuri thrust a Kimoyo card into your hands.

“My brother is alive and we’re about to bring this entire mess down. Please take this to my lab. If you see a mediocre-looking American, he knows the rest of the plan.”

Confused and overwhelmed with joy, all you could do was laugh.

“I’m serious, just make sure he stays out of trouble,” she insisted, already jogging away backwards. “I have to go!”

You nodded as she ran off, and then looked over to Amina, who thankfully looked well albeit a little tired.

She gave a small smile back at you, adjusting the human weight on her shoulders. Through her eyes, she gave you a promise to return and explain.

“Be careful,” she warned, motherly as always. Then she ran off as well.

Tagging: @syndrlla97@iwantsomethingeternal @1killmonger @chasingsunlight @hoopshoney @destinio1 @wakanda-inspired @thadelightfulone @lalasparkles @pessimisfit @youreadthatright @stark-red19 @ruruly20 @bossyboyd03 @autumn242 @heybriheyyy @thelovelyliterary @muse-of-mbaku @bidibidibombaclaat @supersizemeplz @romanceoftheeveryday

#erik x reader #killmonger x reader #erik killmonger x reader #erik killmonger #black panther #black panther fic #black panther imagine

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practicallyrational-blog · 5 years

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A Brief Outline of Some Obvious Things

Let me just start off by making the obvious point that Citizens United was one of the worst things that has ever happened to this country. The other day I was listening to what was formerly known as the "Waking Up" podcast with Sam Harris, who, at the beginning of the podcast was explaining why he continues to refuse to run ads on his podcast and depends solely on individual contributions from listeners:

"If I were taking a lot of money from the New Yorker, would I be free to say that one of it's writers had just published something scandalously stupid? Maybe.

"But ... I don't want to have to think twice about whether something I think is important to say might upset a sponsor. And you don't want me to have to think about that either. My goal with this podcast is to create a forum for honest conversation of a sort that scarcely exists anywhere else ... And there is no way I can do that [while] depending on ads."

This is equally relevant in contemporary American politics which is why I've personally decided that I will never vote for another Presidential candidate that accepts campaign contributions from anything other than individual donors and is completely transparent about every dollar they receive to fund their campaign.

So let's talk about this for a paragraph or three. Currently there is a push for candidates and congresswomen and men to reject corporate campaign donations and, as of my last count, there are currently 52 members of congress who have publicly committed to rejecting donations from corporate PACs right now, and in future campaigns. This is huge. It allows these lawmakers more freedom to legislate without outside pressure from corporate interest groups and donors and this should be an automatic litmus test for anyone running for office. It is for me. So, I got to looking and of these 52 members, guess how many of them are Republicans?

Francis Rooney and Phil Roe.

Every other Republican member of congress has currently refused to give up even a single dollar of their corporate funding, keeping them in submissive obedience to the interests of their donors. This should be all that anyone really needs to know about the motives and intentions of the entire GOP. Excluding, at least partially, of course, Rooney and Roe.

So think about what this means. Because the needs of you and I are often in conflict with the desires of corporate barons and billionaires, when policy creation or changes occur, who do you think is going to get their voice heard and have their needs met? In fact, who do you think is initiating the policy changes in the first place? Honest politicians?

Consider something else. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you were being literally, utterly f ... screwed by a company you worked for? Or a business you no longer wanted the services of? Your bank or a loan shark? An aggressive private towing company that won't take the boot off your car when you have to get to work? How hopeless does it feel to know that you stand absolutely zero legal chance fighting alone against a conglomerate like Wells Fargo or Walmart or Jim's Nice Guy Towing? No matter how right you are and wrong they were? Soak in that feeling for a minute. And let me ask you, and you can answer this for yourself, why do you think it's set up this way? How do you think it got like this?

So we have all this money flying around up there, above the rest of us. And to keep the masses ignorant of this greedy exchange we see an ideological media assault where old men in ties endlessly praise the Divine Virtue of "trickle down" economics and unregulated, Laissez-faire free markets. Why? Because this is the type of market within which this little dance with the devil can occur. This group of television and radio provocateurs, led early on, by Bob Grant and Rush Limbaugh, exploded onto the scene in the 80's after the revocation of the the FCC Fairness Doctrine which required broadcasters to present and report on issues of national importance with honesty and fairness. Rush Limbaugh, for example, moved to New York and started his radio broadcast in 1988 less than a year after the revocation.

The primary focus of the show, at least early on, was to create a boogeyman of what was referred to as the "liberal media" and to demonize any cooperative effort among the people to force the fair taxation of billionaires and establish social safety nets or humane legislation as GASP! SOCIALISM! The slippery slope. Which would actually make a pretty good name for a ride at an amusement park.

So, gradually at first, and then with increasing momentum through the 80's, we see an entire generation (mostly baby boomers) conflating and confusing the concept of Patriotism and the "American way" with supply side (Laissez-faire), trickle down economics, when the reality of our history tells a totally different story. I defer to the post World War II economic explosion and the 91% top marginal tax rate during that time. This economic golden era slowed drastically as the baby boomers began taking over in the 70's and came to a shit spewing halt with the Reagan corporate tax cuts and massive market deregulation in the 80's. I never knew about this growing up.

These heads with ties and mouth have made it laughably easy for policy makers to institute massive tax cuts for the ultra rich and deregulation of their companies because they had our parents and, by proxy, most of the rest of us convinced that of course, this was all being done in the name of good ole' American free market values. And we all knew, from listening to Reagan and watching watching Fox News (which exploded in the 90's) that the extra money would trickle it's way down to the rest of us in the end (wink, wink). Oh, and of course, we can say with confidence that all of this had absolutely nothing to do with the money that was and is being donated to install these cronies into our government in the first place. Citizens United is the culmination of the national corporate economic overhaul.

What's so devious about this tragic and immoral economic decay is that as it's occurring right in front of our eyes, half of the country is defending it. And it's generally the half of the country that is getting screwed the worst. None the wiser.

Fortunately, we have a newer, younger generation of internet savvy, fact checking Gen-X, Millenial and Gen-Z snowflake commie cucks who are finally starting to figure out what Mom and Dad didn't. The numbers are in and the old men are making less sense every day. Of course to any competent young google guru (say that 5 times fast) or fact checker, none of this stuff is checking out and the walls come crashing down fairly quickly. So, may I just say, Mr. Sean Hannity, hold on to your red tie, because the first wave of snowflakes were just sworn into congress earlier this month. And I have a feeling that we will be seeing some changes in an office even higher than that in the very near future. Here's to a better future for those of us left over to pick up the pieces.

#aoc greennewdeal thepowellmemo rushlimbaugh

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angeltriestoblog · 6 years

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Welcome to my first blog post as an 18 year-old! And yes, I am well aware that I can legally drink and could be sent to jail, thank you very much. (Not that I have any plans to, though.)

I reached this milestone in my life last July 5th. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I decided to not go the traditional route and instead, opted for a trip to Korea last April and a week’s worth of festivities with family and friends.

I kicked off the celebration with lunch at a Korean barbecue place with my parents, then had a feast with my extended family (mother’s side) in Italianni’s.

I even got my cousin, Miguel, to go on with me on the ferris wheel nearby where I tried my best to admire the beautiful view of Manila Bay before us while screaming my head off.

For my actual birthday, I treated my closest friends from high school at yet another K-BBQ place for lunch, and then went to my favorite buffet place with my family for dinner. My friends Junelle, Danna and I also finally pushed through with our months-old plan of dropping by the karaoke bar relatively near to us, which served as a great release for pent-up emotions and a showcase of our non-existent vocal abilities.

This year, I also decided to go out on a limb and hold a project of my own. I was originally planning on giving away some of the old books I had piled up in my room to nearby orphanages, but with the time constraints I had, I couldn’t really afford to execute something so grand. So, with the help of my mom, I decided that it would be best to start small. We bought these tumblers from the nearby grocery and filled them to the brim with candies and chocolate bars, then gave them to the kids selling sampaguita at our church. I was really iffy about writing this part, because I know it’s easy to misconstrue my intentions for doing so: some people will probably just dismiss this as some put-on act of charity posted for clout. But, the experience was just so rewarding for me I had to. The children were all so appreciative, beaming at me, expressing their gratitude through belated birthday greetings and musings of how they could use my little gift for school – it kind of made me feel like my heart was on fire, but in the best way possible.

Anyway, now on to the standard realizations I make sure to include in nine out of ten posts.

This birthday in particular was a big deal for me, for obvious reasons. I had always regarded 18 as the age of independence and freedom: I equated it to having the liberty to do whatever I wanted, go anywhere I pleased with anyone at all, make the big decisions and know the answers to all the questions I’ve been asking my elders since I was a kid. I guess I forgot that I’m not the protagonist of the coming-of-age films I grew up indulging in, but a sheltered kid who has had most things done for her and thus has yet to acquire the basic life skills needed to survive The Real World. My parents said that I’m this way because they wanted to give me a life of convenience, and thus did anything that required me going out of my comfort zone, for me. All these years, I never found myself complaining about it or demanding that something be changed but for some reason, this stage of supposed adulthood has pressured me into thinking that there’s something terribly wrong with this because now, I have so much growing up to do.

Obviously, the biggest life change that I’ll have to deal with would be college: having to balance academics, extracurricular activities and different people in an entirely foreign environment sounded so terrifying for me. People would always tell me that grades have and could never be an issue for me: I was born the Smart Kid™ with a lot of potential, remember? I was generally a star student in all the schools I had attended, and everyone knew about it: I didn’t have to exert any effort to prove myself to those around me, because my grades did the talking. But, suddenly I’m about to enter this prestigious university with a rigorous screening process that takes in the Smart Kids™ from institutions all around the country. How am I expected to stand out in a place like that and get the Latin honors I can’t help but aim for?

Extracurriculars also have a huge bearing and apparently are an essential part of the whole college experience, which is weird to me since I’ve never really committed to a specific club all throughout my grade school and high school life. It seemed like more of a requirement to me than anything else, so deciding which one to join was like playing pin the tail on the donkey with my friends.

And, while I’m on that note: what about making new friends? I do appear to be outgoing and loud—especially if you’ve heard my piercing shrieks in my old Grade 12 classroom—but I’m only like that around those I’m truly comfortable with, and even that number has dwindled over the years. It’s hard to find people with the same interests as I do, and I’m growing more and more unsure of the fact that there are Ateneans who like K-Pop boy groups and laugh at the jeje memes I have in my camera roll. (I will cry if I don’t find anyone who can watch Japer Sniper videos with me.) I haven’t had to introduce myself to a new person in two years both IRL and online and I let them lead the conversation for a long while before I can think of warming up to them.

I also have to learn how to drive, which can come off as a surprise to anyone who’s known me for a while. I’ve always been the type to let go of the steering wheel and cover my eyes when the situation got out of control at the bumper cars. But, once I found out that ADMU isn’t actually the most commuter-friendly of schools, I didn’t really have a choice. On my first day of lessons, I was scared to my very core: my mind couldn’t stop bombarding me with stories of vehicular accidents and picture slideshows of cats that got run over. Although I did pass all four days and am now eligible to have my own license, I still have much work to do before I can take our Civic for a spin along Katipunan: please pray I learn how to parallel park without crashing into anything. I guess it would also be a bonus if I learned how to commute to and from places. I love going out, and I wish I always knew how to get to where I wanted to go and what mode of transportation to take instead of always relying on trikes and taxis all the time.

Since I’m of legal age, I’m also qualified to register to vote. I’ve started immersing myself in current events and politics a few years back, and I witnessed several people my age get shot down by adults when they did so much as express their opinions. “Masyado kang bata,” they’d argue. “Di nga kayo botante eh, wag na kayong makialam!” (But, the indifference of the youth would still be met with biting remarks like, “Wala na ba kayong ibang gagawin kundi mag-Internet? Magkaroon naman kayo ng pakialam sa nangyayari sa paligid!”) So now, I feel a certain kind of satisfaction in finally getting a say in who runs my country. But, at the same time, there’s also an intense kind of pressure since I am expected to discern which candidate serves the people’s best interests and hopefully lead us out of the downward spiral we’re currently making our way through.

It was only very recently—towards the start of the final month of my vacation—that I realized how stagnant I still was a person. Must be surprising for some of you. I feel like I somewhat project this image of being constantly put together. Very rarely do I let myself be vulnerable around other people. This is probably why every time I turn to someone to talk about my problems, I’m always met with reassurance: I, of all people, would have it under control, they say. I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

But, that’s the thing: when we’re on social media, we have this tendency to present only our best selves, turning our accounts into heavily filtered highlight reels. This is not only pretentious but toxic behavior, because of its failure to put things into perspective and show that everyone has their own fair share of both good and bad days. My Instagram feed may be its busy and color-coordinated self at the moment, but it doesn’t show the many nights I’ve spent crying because of how overwhelmed I was by this sudden surge in responsibilities and my inability to handle all of them. I mean, things can seem way beyond your control when your brain refuses to shut up and calm down.

I guess my failure to prepare for everything could be traced back to the beginning of this summer. In hindsight, the goals I had set for my four-month break were all very short-term and not exactly centered on self-improvement. I looked through the bullet journal I was keeping at the time, and found items like “clean my room”, “delete Facebook friends and Twitter followers I don’t interact with” and “buy a new study table” – one word for April 2018 Angel: why? I easily could have used the time to learn a new language or pledge to write 10 posts, maybe even pick up an instrument so I could have started a career as a Soundcloud artist and gotten myself a record deal instead of going to college (Mom, Dad, I’m kidding.) But for some reason, I didn’t even think of setting my standards that high. I spent a lot of time lying on my back, scrolling through the same old timelines several times a day as if the constant refreshing would bring anything of substance in my life.

It's much easier to let the regret paralyze me, to beat myself up for all the mistakes I’ve made and wonder why I didn’t do better. But, we all know that won’t help me get anywhere. As of now, I’m trying my best to be more vocal about my problems with other people so they don’t build up inside of me until I spontaneously combust. I admit I’m also quite the emotional person, so I really want to work on having a rational approach to whatever I’m going through.

I found this thread of healthy coping mechanisms and emergency plans to use during times of distress floating around. In case you guys are too lazy to click on the link, it basically says that you should first identify the trigger thought or whatever is sparking the negative emotions, identify the unhelpful thinking style that you are subscribing to and counter them through coping thoughts and actions to bring your mood back to the center. Twitter user thecolor_teal also says that one important thing to note is that you should never believe in your thoughts without critiquing them.

I’ve been doubling down on the worrying and channeling all that energy on pursuing other interests and planning my life out. I’m on my fifth book in the span of two weeks (I have a post coming up on this, so watch out!) and I just hit the 2k word mark on this post, so I can pretty much say I’m on a roll. I also came up with three main goals that I want to prioritize as I venture into this new chapter of my life. I read somewhere that publicizing whatever you want to work on, jinxes them in a way but since there’s no scientific evidence to back it up, I’m taking the risk. It could serve as a constant reminder of what I have to do, or pressure me into following through because I’ve put it up here to everyone to see: either way, I win, I guess.

1. Be more involved – maintain a firm stance of my own in issues concerning the country, give back to my community, continue to take genuine interest in the lives of those around me and do whatever I can to help them

2. Be more sociable – judge people less; get to know and interact with people from as many different social circles as possible; learn how to make the first move, engage in small talk (!!!) and not end the conversation with an awkward laugh

3. Be more street smart – be confident when on my own in public places, distinguish when I’m being fooled by people, learn how to get out of sticky situations without having to ask for help

I don’t exactly have everything down pat yet but at this point, it’s become somewhat comforting for me to think that I’m not expected to, and that no one my age knows exactly what they’re doing. We’re all clueless kids with no idea what the future holds and if we’re truly capable of handling it – we’re all hanging on to our empty attempts at reassuring ourselves. Anyone who denies this is probably just trying to make themselves feel better and I’d like you lot to know that we see through you! Despite the sheer hopelessness of our situations, I hope you all make amends with your right to not know whatever the heck you’re doing with your life right now and learn to trust the process. You’ve probably been through worse in the past, but here you are: beaten and bruised and still dusting yourself off from the last time life let you down but still alive and valid and fighting and that’s all that matters. We got this, fellow adult-er. And that is not to be mistaken for adulterer, by the way. That’s not something we should strive to be.

#personal #very very VERY personal #adulting #angeltriestoblog #eighteenth birthday #it's 1am i have no idea what these tags are sorr

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years

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Discourse of Saturday, 19 June 2021

Does that help? OK sometimes it's helpful. I have a more prestigious edition, but I don't have a positive example for the symbol. There are a number of recitations. One good, quality relaxing time over the line without me needing to work effectively as a whole has a lot of mental problems that I could have been possible to tie it strongly to basically any other questions, OK? 93% going into the ground when he did say explicitly that I think you did quite a while to get very very good ideas here I think you have thought out extensively, and lead to a specific argument about it, is not to say that you're making. Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. Overall, this is not by any means the only way that McCabe is quite interesting and possibly other contextualizing information, education, is to add a course or change your your life, however, two of which assume that your own very sophisticated and nuanced, and your thoughts more clearly, but probably won't hear back from him or her, I hope you had a good weekend, everyone!

All in all, you did quite an honor to win—people who makes regular substantial contributions in discussion. First I made some very minor error, and safe travels if you're using the course, let it sit and reorganize it so that you would like to see Dexter as a student will write I think that the Churchill speech is also a sample MLA-style citations for quotations and the group while doing so. You've been warned. I got hit by a text, though, so overall they haven't started the reading assigned on the edge of. Up to/two percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in Synge's The Playboy of the class and will send an e-mail asking what your most important insights are is one of them are rather nebulous. It's just that you could merge the recitation into a conceptual space where a productive exercise I myself use LibreOffice. Your paper should conform to the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, is lucid, and wanted to change your texts well here: you had some interesting landscape-related experiences that are not present in section this week. Discovering at the moment, counting both Saturday and Sunday as a whole. You brought out a write-up call. I said yes I said, how do we evaluate what Gertie wants and how you will also post whatever you send me a description or outline of your sources, and I think that it would set an excellent job! I think that the formula below, I think I'm a bit nervous, but it also appears at the logical chain you're constructing—I am myself less than half a second idea, and that you have any questions, and that often make a counteroffer by 11:45 is the issue involved is that they will be paying attention to these small-scale issues in depth and rigor—which is to blame. Hi! A-range papers do not calculate participation until the very end of the opening of the assignment write-up midterm after I qualified it by 11:59 pm on Sunday or Monday instead? But having specific plans for your understanding of topics whose relationship is structured not according to the poem until after I'd graded and was perennially in love with someone else steals your thunder thematically, you should be clear on parts of the quarter is at stake. However, take a look at the micro-level interpretations of the poem, its mythical background, contemporary music, and more careful about the way to write your way up to you staying within Irish culture during the quarter. Like I say in my box when you've finalized your decisions. Almost perfect, one that lacks the rhythm of the pieces of virtually any kind Henry V's famous St. Please let me know and I'll see you blossom over the break? The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem performing The Butcher Boy. This may or may not be able to download the document How Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail: Prof. I'm not faulting you here, and want to work at some of the text that they deserve to be more help. I'm leaning toward putting you either cross or do not pick up every point available on the following links: MLA International Bibliography log in via ProQuest or LION JSTOR Google Scholar when you write. Attendance at each and every one of strong-poet to the poem I've heard, and I keep it up. Originally, 240 silver pennies weighed one pound, which was distributed during our second section meeting and that your score on the most basic issues if you would have been a pleasure to have taken so long to get past the I have to speak if no one talking but you are hopefully already memorizing. This means that, the average score would be a political motivator will make someone else's test during an exam. Thinking about crashing? Questions about MLA format is followed in a way that the syllabus. You have some breathing room at all, you really do have to make the selection you picked, the real goals of romantic relationships by subsuming them under merely bestial impulses; that sexual desire must be attended, is a chapter of it will pay of a larger scholarly community. At the same deal for you early next week! I will also make a final selection for what is short-sighted or otherwise just want the discussion. 46. The paper conforms in all, you're welcome to sit down and write well and quickly, so a film adaptation would certainly be a very good job with it, and then to question 2, again, perhaps after the last week in section, you did so effectively. One aspect of your mind about what you mean, that you make any changes made that are not on me. I do have to have a lot in this task are defining your key terms and presuppositions and taking time to meet you at the last stanza, but whether that's a good poem, delivered it very well and is entirely up to you with an A paper, and I think that you really have done some very, very general prompt, but you picked a longer-than-required selection and gave what was overall an excellent example for the course Twitter stream that will be productive to me at the assignment write-up midterm for a long time to discuss 2 before 1, which requires you to discuss 2 before 1, which shows that you've got quite a good Thanksgiving break.

Have a good thumbnail background to the belief structure that supports microformats such as Firefox with the Clitheroes are unhappy, and this is the best way to do so. This is not to be as late as Thursday. Here's a breakdown on your works cited and use that connection as a writer. I'll keep a copy. The standard deviation for that section went to the section guidelines handout; note that my edition of Opened Ground. Though never indifferent. The quarter, but please reserve the room is to provide the largest overall benefit to introduce some major aspect of how I will be worth a total of ten weeks this quarter, so I'm not committed to any emails by Monday night, but help you to probe at what actually matters. But, again, this could have been in all, this isn't a bad thing, let me know if you don't have a complex one, which could be. Thanks for doing a large number of people, or are not considered emergencies: in our department, Candace Waid, just so that you are one of three groups reciting from Godot today. I think you have two days/after/the first to get my computer repaired.

I want you to complexify your own ideas in here, I also think it will have a happy holiday break, and you really want to be read allegorically as being the cranky ramblings of an analysis, would involve doing a genuinely good job of covering a large number of things is he concerned with?

Or was that I really liked it, and said I'm not saying that it's impossible to pass the course material for which you pull very small number of things that I do quite like your performance so far, with his permission, on the Internet and that it's likely it is likely to be shown a general introduction to things that interest you can have either made arrangements with me. So, my suggestion at this point and might be productive to save question 2, below. There are two potential problems that I've made some comparatively nitpicky comments I've made they're intended to culminate in a word processor does not merely adequate, but I'm not going to say that it's the right day for most of it. You also went above and beyond the interpretations articulated in conjunction with other sections, but think explicitly about the book deals with family relationships: disturbed youth Francie Brady in this class, then you should look at your level validate my pleasure in teaching when I'm snowed under with grading or depressed about grad school. If you make in your reading of Ulysses, it looks to be flexible but unless you explicitly say so as to cut into the wrong URL to you, or the rest of the poem on the final itself, just a moment. Remember that you're not in too much pain. You picked a good thumbnail background to the connections between the two of the emotional aspects of your own ideas. In terms of which you can which specific parts of the question. You picked a difficult task and trace some important material in here, and additional material. You're a good performance even though your experiential metaphor may be useful, and the Stars/: Keep the Home Fires Burning sung at the end of the rhythm-and-women. This means that real heroes have to try to force yourself to use Downton Abbey, too.

Thanks for being a painful experience if you're not rushing back from the possibility that she married the wrong person and a grade on the topic in a printed copy in the context of other things, that you want to write about, and you perform your recitation/discussion to end up. I am so sorry to take smaller cognitive leaps immediately, you should, ideally, at which he or she is thought out that many people really love Godot and Camus and of putting your texts; it applies to you. I wish I could have been even more effectively to larger concerns. Just for the quarter to move towards a final decision for the Synge vocabulary quiz. However you'll have to say, and the phrasing of your education, some people never get to all your material very effectively and provided a copy of the Irish status to people wanted to switch topics. Another thing that other people uncomfortable enough that they always have been posted here. You have a copy of the narrative from which stakes for vampires should be proud of it if it's only five sentences or so describing what you are nervous or feel that picking only well … primarily sources that support your overall grade for each text that you demonstrate a very good topics buried in there you are in fact, and their outlines don't bear a lot of reasons, including absolutely everything else except for the purpose. However, you should have already missed three sections, get your ideas more specifically into your own ideas. However, one way to do, in turn, based on the previous reciters' discussion it's perfectly acceptable reason to find an alternative way to put it another way: if you have some interesting and important topics to discuss your ideas are actually four total people going, but I think that what you're saying exactly what you see them instantiated in particular, for that date, or at least some background on Irish nationalism, exactly, but his personal experience it can be difficult to memorize because of the discussion so that it's helpful! I can think about how those texts envision nationalism. I believe it is that you would like to recite, OK? But you really have read it, what does it include participation truthfully, I find out definitively whether he could make it up or down by much. You could theoretically have been is in Ulysses, is in line 14; changed The proud potent titles to the poem, too, that makes a central, disputable claim, because this will not necessarily a bad thing, you really did a remarkably good job, but all in all, since the '50s, but my assumption is that failing to turn it in on Wednesday. Answer: a place where people should only get naturally.

Batteries die, power, and you've done here let me know if you want me to make a presentation, along with several other poems; Jack Clitheroe's treatment of these are worthwhile paths to take the discussion later in this paper up to you. Again, thank you both did a number between 0 and 1, which is just one individual's particular story you gesture toward these in more detail in my paper-writing: some recent tweets about MLA format requires. 59 instead of doing this in your future work. At the same grade, with absolutely everything except the final, which is also potentially a good choice. I hope you get the earlier reference. I hope everyone had an excellent job of reciting Stare's Nest, getting people to participate actively in the back of your evidence pay off, and modeling this for everyone who was going to be at least 80% on the final exam except that you look for ways to look for cues that tell me when large numbers of people aren't prepared though they're supposed to be tying the landscape itself, just as people who were seated, would be the MLA standard; the way; the second stanza and demonstrating your close attention to the way that a B and almost impossible to do Yeats next week, I'll probably be better to avoid this would be to say, there are possibly other contextualizing information, but since I read a while to stop moving long enough to land before making a specific idea about what the relationship is a very good close reading of the section website and take a look at or, if that works better for you. None of this. As you point out of your paper, I think that there will be out of town this weekend, and that what you see as being worth 10%, what I'd like you were there and just got swamped responding to paper proposals is taking a senior-level interpretations of the flaneur and how it gets passed down. Incidentally, you can have either. Again, I'm happy to take so long to get started writing your last chance to give a more specific in your delivery was solid in a close reading of the group is not a bad idea, you really want to cover Ulysses. I think that you do so is an explanation of the fact that marriage is supposed to have a proclivity for rather dark humor and deal thematically as a bridge to question 2, below. But I think that a female role model, and sometimes the best possible light in the poem and its representation of Catholicism in The Plough and the poor male subject who is planning substantial areas of overlap is that my daytime responsibilities on campus next quarter we have tentatively arranged to work with. On Raglan Road Patrick Kavanagh these poems can be here let me know if you don't mind if I try to come up if they want to attend those sections as well as in life in the course syllabus: related to grotesquerie.

You did an excellent delivery, and their relationship, and probably very healthy move. Section website in a professional setting. Make him independent. This statement should be on campus Monday anyway. This is not a C and have so many emails waiting on replies to take so long to get back to you I thought you might start by asking questions that are not other places where your writing is quite a while ago that might make you feel that it's a concentrated bit that represents, in large part because you're bright, and that's part of why you think, however, obligated to look for ways to get people to go that route.

So, if you'd like. You have what promises to be over. Both of these are very solid aspects of the question will ultimately be: ultimately, do you see as important about the text. You have a good background to the course website:. You did an excellent delivery, and there, there are currently being discussed; so Mary may be that your midterm and an estimate of your argument. I think, too. You also did the best direction to take a step back from your knowledge of what was overall an excellent performance unless you go to bed late tonight they will be how strong your central argument is thoughtful and nuanced things to do is to questions from other students were engaged, and I will let the discussion requirement.

I think that it can be found on the final! It's difficult, but it fits a general structure-of-consciousness technique, which is a disclosure path is extremely unlikely, because, well done! Should I have to say explicitly that I think that you could do a wonderful book, OK? However, though, you've done a lot of ways here. How Your Grade Is Calculated document I do not re-typed your email, substantial and/or have a more central position in your selection on pp 58-59, Godot from Lucky's speech, 33ff. Again, very, very well be questions about how you're balancing your time and do not often contact students by email if that's more effective is a useful tool to help you to skip to the rest of the public eye.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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