#move past the shame

[allisonreader]

I don't know how to express what I want to at the moment...

At least not how to start off. How I truly want is to say something like "shoot me now" or "kill me now". Neither of which is what I really mean. Though curling up in a dark hole and crying sounds good about now.

I'm just being overly sensitive and distressed about having received two comments on old stories that I recently cross posted to AO3 that essentially accuse me of using ChatGPT or whatever it is to write them. Since I've seen them, I've been dwelling on them. Which feels so ridiculous, but I am. I don't know if I should have, but I responded to both explaining that the one thing was written like 10 years ago and the other probably about 20 when I was a literal child.

I still might go in a delete the comments on them.

Times like these are when I wonder if I have the right mentality to ever try to get anything professionally published one day.

It definitely makes me not want to post the couple of stories I was uncertain about posting already.

And it's not like the comments are completely unwarranted. The stories are definitely not well written, because they're OLD and I didn't want to rewrite them.

And now I'm kind of regretting posting them at all.

#I just needed to get all of that off my chest so that now I can maybe forget about them #it's amazing how just one or two comments that are neutral to negative can just completely undermine your confidence at times #just because I readily share my writing doesn't mean that I have lots of self doubt about it #I'm just going to go die in a hole of shame and embarrassment until I can forget those comments #I just need to think about the person who left me a series of #<3 #those are hearts right? #I'll move past it hopefully #I'm going to try really hard to not dwell on it like I know I have a tendency to do

[quietflorilegium]

“Stop worrying about the past. The past is for ghosts. We’ve all done things that we regret. It’s what’s ahead of us that counts.”

Anthony Lockwood, Jonathan Stroud, "The Screaming Staircase"

#jonathan stroud #the screaming staircase #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood #the past #regret #guilt #shame #moving forward

[seoafin]

it makes me so sad every time someone says they have a difficult time making friends because as someone who did not have a single friend until my senior year of high school i know the feeling painfully well

#we learn social dynamics as children in grade school but as i didn't have a single friend i didn't realize what it meant #to be able to nurture relationships and the time and effort that goes into it #it also did not help that i moved to asia for my middle school years and came back to white suburbia in hs #not to get too vulnerable here on a monday night but my mother at her most hurtful #always said i had a problem being vulnerable with others in a way that made them not want to be around me #and i do think she's right....i'm still learning what it means to be vulnerable with others #anyway this is my way of saying i'd be friends with you. and i know the feeling super well. #please don't be discouraged if you don't make friends your freshman year of college the majority of friends i've made #have been in the past year #there is no shame at all you just have to be patient which sucks ik but there is someone out there i promise promise promise #mt

[questionablemuses]

Adam would smash anyone, just throwing that out there. Bonus points if you get hints on his kinks he hasn't revealed yet.

#( personal headcanons. ) #( Sorry! been watching some smash or pass videos & his voice got in my head. ) #( he'll fuck anyone that moves past him. ) #( he has absolutely no shame if he's not in a relationship. ) #( scuse me while I trash him. -w- ) #muse; Adam #suggestive tw #( IDEK if i shoulda tagged that but whatevs. )

[dandyshucks]

i still feel a lot of weird shame about being a man-liker now (i used to not be into men as a general rule for YEARSSS because i'd had one too many bad exps with them in a variety of ways) because I worry it somehow makes me "not queer enough" or smth dsjfkl but . also ... I think the way I like men is in a very gay way. like there is nothing cishet about the way I like men fdsjkl and I'm not sure HOW that is, but the friends I've spoken to about this agree that the way i like men is in a distinctly gay way LFSDHFJKL

#I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW. like what exactly differentiates it. but apparently it is very true bc ppl have told me without prompting LMAO #i am ... bisexual? idk i dont put a label on my sexuality at all. i barely put a label on my gender fdsjkl i only do it when i have to #i am aspec in some way and i like ppl regardless of gender so . shrug. #it just happens that i am apparently in my man-enjoyer era right now FHDSJKL #also mandatory disclaimer: there is nothing wrong w being cishet or het or whatever fsdjkl this shame i experience is strange and personal #it is not smth anybody SHOULD experience fsdjkl #im trying to work thru it and move past it but woof dsfjkl it rly bites me sometimes #vent // #sort of LOL #dandy.cmd

[akkivee]

saw yr post abt the new encounter stageplay and wanted to ask what did u specifically refer to by “ramudas development thru bat?” it’s been a while since i read the manga and forgot…….

ramuda made a guest appearance in bat’s get together story as passerby strangely annoyed by jyushi’s presence lol. he’s the reason amanda goes missing in that track, but we find out in the fpmtr➕ manga, instead of acting on the thought to throw amanda away, he returns her bc he can’t stand the thought of discarding a doll that is loved, unlike himself. it’s what finally gets him to admit to himself he isn’t happy with his life

i posted that panel a whiiiiile back here lol so you can see it for yourself!!!

#vee got an ask #bat: if you’re dissatisfied with your life then start putting in the work to change it!!!! #ramuda after bringing bat together: *slowly realises he wants change* #it’s a shame we don’t get more of ramuda and jyushi lol #the story’s moved on way past this point and ramuda has his posse to make him feel that love amanda does #but i think it’d be very cute if ramuda occasionally and randomly showed weird favouritism towards jyushi lmao #like ramuda would get along very well with bat i think but it’d be very funny if he’s just hanging out with them #and in semi regular intervals would start offering candy to jyushi and only jyushi LOL #jyushi goes home and as he takes off his coat even more candy falls out his pockets that ramuda snuck in lol

[seratlantisite]

heart hunter really said marinette could be dating both kagami AND adrien if she had her shit together

#miraculous ladybug #i am glad they said marinettes fear comes from like. something specific and shes not going to be able to overcome it in a day #like its a huge and real problem and shes gonna have to do a lot of work to get past it #shame it just. you know. happened after kagami moves on #says Ser

[satanic-fruitcake]

every time i talk about stark know that this is what’s happening inside my head

#squishing him and biting him and shaking him in my teeth like a feral dog. btw #farscape #stark #whatever. i’ve moved past shame into something Else. #*katya zamo voice* ​something Worse. something more evil…. unspeakable… #your daily dose of idiocy

[magnificentmoose]

a few things from today:

spent an hour catching up with an old friend on the phone

took the bus to go get a delicious sandwich (jambon beurre w/ cornichons on a baguette)

wore my favorite pair of overalls and my otters holding hand socks

enjoyed the return of the longer days :)

#i am done feeling shame! i am enjoying things without guilt! i am ready to move forward instead of getting stuck in the past #i feel contented for the first time in a while and i don't know how long that's going to last but i'll take what i can get while i can

[sensitiveaangel]

the line from the bear where carmy says (paraphrasing) “you’re going to make mistakes — not because you’re you, just because shit happens” has genuinely become a personal mantra in my journey towards being less of a perfectionist

#the bear #i’m doing a lot of assisting work these days and recieving a lot of otj training through that. and its been so hard to #get past my shaming self-talk in that environment. i have genuinely found repeating that line to myself as a reminder so helpful #helps me stay present + reminds me that making mistakes and learning through them doesnt tarnish ur moral standing #i’m so glad that i heard it. #also can we talk about how impossibly difficult it is to move away from shame?? i’m making (nonlinear) progress but it really is HARD WORK #murmurs in the august breeze

[shivunin]

I think one of my resolutions this year will be to go through my list of unfinished projects, decide which ones I feasibly believe I will continue to work on, and then try to actually finish them.

#I have a 'shelved' folder for things i don't think i'll finish #so i can free up brain power that's occupied with trying to wrap them up #so nothing gets deleted it just gets moved away #but anyways i do want to actually write several of the things in my main folder #and i miss writing cullen for example #and the piece about salshira finding out josie is engaged T.T and the hawke in the fade fic #and anyways. we're going to get past the shame for not finishing them all and start fresh #that's the plan anyway #dixeram

[tdnoco]

Noco and Me

noco scratches a particular itch in my brain see, when i was in higschool i had a gay crush on my straight best friend. and even though we had been friends for Years, because of my crush, i would never hug her. it felt like i’d be... imposing myself on her. i was always worried i’d make her uncomfortable. that it’d be predatory or smth. i was so worried about being rejected and also so sure that i was stupid for even having these feelings for someone who was Straight, and yet also desperately hoping that i’d be wrong, and she Wasn’t straight after all. and that’s a big reason i like noco. if we look at that sleeping kiss scene, yes it’s a joke, but it was also one of my worst nightmares. that i’d accidentally let myself go, that i’d do something horrid and unconsensual. (i never did, and i also don’t believe that noah had any longing for cody before that scene.) but still, the scene represents that fear. A gay accident that feels like being Outed, that affects somebody “Straight.” i still can’t watch that scene without skipping it, without cringing, without feeling embarassed. but if you look at what happened to noah afterwards - he wasn’t punished. Cody didn’t treat him with fear or anger or anything. In fact, Cody doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t bring it up, he doesn’t demand apologies (though it would be in his right too). It seems like he genuinely doesn’t mind, that he understood it was an accident. He holds no ill will...and i don’t know. To me that feels so... kind. Maybe this betrays my lack of standards, but for this guy to just effortly brush off noah’s gay mistake and not be mean about it... feels so generous.  Noah is not barred from hanging out with Cody, he’s not ostracized. Nothing happens. In fact, Cody minds so little about this incident, that he falls asleep near/with Noah again. Like Cody just cares so little. Like - Noah isn’t uninvited from the sleepover even after the incident. And that just feels so welcoming. I don’t know - noco just really assauges my gay fears. Also because Cody like... looks/feels straight, I can project my own conflicted feelings of pining for someone I can’t have onto Noah. (who is just very easy to project onto in general)

#td noco #very personal #this is the post i come back with huh #i just needed to say it because i've been thinking about it for the past few days #this is also a reason i don't ship nXwen #because owen already likes noah #there's no shame in longing for owen who is so obviously bi #perhaps that says smth about me #that i'd rather recreate my past troubles #and give noco the happy ending i never got #then move on to smth more plausible #ehh #does that mean i'd stop shipping noco if i got some bitches #lmao #probably not #i like noco too much for that #and there's more to noco then just This #so i'd still ship it i think

[maranull]

gonna be a bit negative about bg3 for a sec, sr

act 2 is mostly a slog to get through and it's kinda making me not want to continue playing anymore? the whole gloom and doom thing is just not for me, and while some of the best quests are in this act, getting to them is a almost a bore

or maybe i burned myself out? though i was not really playing everyday, nor for huge chunks of time either. i dunno. i'm really not vibing with act 2

#personal #not maintagging this #it's a shame too #cause in act 1 i kept finding new things i missed in the first playthrough #but act 2 just doesn't feel enjoyable or interesting enough to move past or explore further #:/

[nachosncheezies]

Thinking about season 8 (my beloved 😍) and something in how the awkwardness and trauma and DISTANCE after resurrection was a perfect tool to keep everyone themselves. Mulder could've been overprotective, overbearing, overinvolved, borderline obnoxious about the whole pregnancy thing. I think that if he was there the whole time it would've been a very fine line to walk, story wise, to do that without taking away from Scully as an individual. Scully in the field, Scully being a rebel, Scully doing whatever the fuck she feels like. Not to say it wouldn't have been interesting if they had successfully navigated that interaction between his guilt complex/overprotectiveness and her fierce independence. But the tension between Mulder saying 'Scully no' and Scully saying 'Scully YES' and mulder saying '...okay Scully you are my partner I support you' but watching her like a damn hawk was something they had kind of resolved and moved on from after the cancer arc and esp after Emily. By taking Mulder out of the picture she was only mother henned by people she would always have said 'thank you for your concern, get rekt' to. They set her up to go through most of it without the one person she MIGHT listen to hovering beside her, and sidestepped trying to figure out who desk job Scully would be in a world where Mulder is still chasing monsters. They didn't have to figure out who monster chaser Mulder would be in a world where he wouldn't call his partner for backup when something really cool or scary was going on. Scully didn't take a desk job or play it safe. Mulder only had to go fetch her and send her home once, and it was after she had already conceded to her doctor (but then, just like we'd expect from either of them, she went back to the lab to help save her [other] partner. And he knew recognized it and recognized that this was her and said okay I'll get it done. It was good for a one-time. Probably not good for a whole season) We never had to watch them have that fight.

#and i'm kinda glad of it #i love the show as it is but we all know it's far from flawless and i have about zero faith they would have been able #to generate a 'scully slow down you're jeopardizing our child' situation between her and mulder without it either #taking them out of character #or making it A Big Thing which. the show never liked to spend THAT much screentime on that sort of thing #i'm half asleep and rambling out my ass but #i think it worked out well 👍 and potentially saved us a lot of annoyance and taking the two of them back #to rehash an older version of their relationship #which would have been a damn shame like i could talk about the groove they quietly found in s7 that the show never really talked about #the way all their cases just suddenly had an entirely different rhythm that implied scully was finally getting to go home at night #and have a life and mulder was still being mulder jetting off all over but they were COMMUNICATING there wasn't an air of ditching #and they were both still on The Files and still got to see their best friend every day and they just seemed so HAPPY #and it just worked!!! why rehash old drama and miscommunications when you've got two best friends who finally moved past 'situationship' #to embracing the ways they naturally complement each other and get to have bonus time (😏) at home after!! #nachos rambles #x files #txf #the x files #txf s8 #season 8 my beloved 😍

[dandyshucks-moving]

me on my own ding dang self ship blog: no that's too cheesy and embarrassing, i can't say that („ಡωಡ„)

#ITS YOUR SPACE!! JUST POST IT!! IM SURE YOU'VE ALREADY RBED ''WORSE''!! (yelling this at myself) #i typed out like three different posts in the span of five minutes before rapidly backspacing the whole thing and exiting out DHFJFMDL #only to return a minute later to type out smth else and repeat the process AUGH #i think the sleep deprivation is getting to me augghhh those mean emotions are bubbling up so big fjfkdl #me feeling like i need to delete my whole blog bc im worried im misinterpreting a character and for some reason thats a great shame upon me #LITERALLY WHAT!! BRO!!! what are u going on about... but the brain just keeps panicking me abt it fjfkfl #its not a crime!! ur allowed to diverge from canon!! u are taking canon and then moving the character forward into character growth!! #okay im going to skitter away again djfjdkdl brain is having fear issues the past couple days for some reason #dandyshucks

[timeisacircleofangst]

crows as song lyrics pt. 1

Kaz: If clarity's in death why won't this die?/ Years of tearing down our banners you and I/ living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts/ Give me back my girlhood it was mine first

Inej: And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences/ Sit with you in the trenches/ Give you my wild, give you a child/ Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other

Jesper: Time won't fly, its like I'm paralyzed by it/ Just want to be my old self again/ But I'm still trying to find it

Wylan: You can let it go/ You can throw a party full of everyone you know/ You can start a family full of everyone you love/ You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up

Nina: What should be burrowed under my skin/ in heart-stopping waves of hurt/ I've come too far to watch some name-dropping sleaze/ tell my what are my words worth

Matthias: All of my past, I tried to erase it/ But now I see would I even change it/ Might share a face and share a last name/ but we are not the same

read tags for reasoning

#alright time to get deep and emotional #I think this lyric from Would've Could've Should've represents Kaz because it shows Kaz's ongoing conflict with Pekka and how Kaz has #basically lived only to get revenge on Pekka. All he wants really wants is his brother and childhood back and the only way he knows how to #is to take Pekka Rollins down. Kaz has to learn to let go of his obsession with Pekka and learn to move on. #Peace by Taylor Swift represents Inej because it shows how in love Inej is with Kaz and everything she does for him. It shows everything #she would do for him if he could get over his trauma and put in equal effort for her. #This lyric from All Too Well reminds me of Jesper because since leaving a wonderful home with a good family Jesper has become a theif #and gambler. He wants to be his old self but he's too far gone and now he needs to find a way to live mixing his old and new life and #learning to find happiness and what he has now. #Matilda by Harry Styles is perfect for Wylan because it shows how he can let go of his past and is allowed to be happy with his newfound #family of the crows. Wylan doesn't have to be sorry about what happened to his father or ashamed. He's allowed to feel happy and loved. #The Lakes by Taylor Swift reminds me of Nina because Nina faces a lot of disgust and shame for falling in love with a fjerdan but she #doesn't care about what everyone says about her. She feels entitled to her love with Matthias and is ready to begin a new life where she #loves him without guilt. #This lyric from Family Line by Conan Gray is representative of Matthias learning that Fjerda and the Druskelle do not define who he is. #Even though Matthias will always be branded by his past he knows he is not defined by his past and is not the same as he was before. #anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk #six of crows #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #freddy carter #matthias helvar #shadow and bone #taylor swift #conan gray #harry styles #dree's posts