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secretsandpurplethoughtss · 8 days

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MCL Castiel: One Step into the Future

♥ pairing: Castiel x Candy (named Ella), Lysander x another Candy (named Crystal) - both female, using she/her pronouns

♥ wc: 6'768

♥ summary: Castiel's girlfriend is pregnant, and he is having a tough time with that because of his issues with his parents. He goes to Lysander's farm to reconnect with him (after growing apart when Lysander moved away) and hopes to sort out his issues with his former best friend.

♥ warnings: mention of negelect, fall-out (friendship), mention of death (parents), unhealthy relationships w/ parents

There were three things Castiel Veilmont was sure about all his life:

He’d become a famous musician.

He didn’t necessarily need many people around him to enjoy his life.

He would never ever have children.

As time passed, Castiel knew he was right about all these things. His band was getting more beloved by the day, and he loved every minute of the rockstar lifestyle. If he continued playing his cards right – following his passion, creating music, and having fun, Castiel knew that one day, he and his bandmates would sell out entire stadiums. Right now, they were just playing at festivals and doing small tours across the country, but their fan base and the clicks on their music videos kept growing. His professional life and also his private life seemed to be going well. He didn’t have many people around him (he always suspected this would be the case). Still, those he held close to his heart not only inspired him to create more meaningful songs but also encouraged him to be the best version of himself, a version he never even thought he could ever be. Castiel, of course, often found himself thinking about Zackary, his old bandmate, once one of his best friends, but his betrayal didn’t hurt as much as it did in the beginning. He knew that he and his band “Crowstorm” were thriving and were definitely better off now than before with Zackary, even if he was thankful for all the things Zackary did for the band in the past. Surprisingly, there wasn’t much of a mourning period after Zackary left: Jules replaced him almost immediately. Castiel and Jules knew each other as teenagers but hadn’t been in contact for years. She heard all about the drama that was going on with Crowstorm at the time and how Zackary tried to get Castiel cancelled and kicked off the group – and so, Jules reached out to catch up and to show sympathy regarding his situation. The two of them met up for coffee and talked for hours. He ended up introducing Jules to his other bandmates that night (Gabin and Leopoldine), and they played music together. Jules was not only excellent but also a natural fit for the band. Maybe even more natural than Zackary once was. There was no doubt in Castiel’s mind that Zackary always gave his all, but Jules was more playful and curious, letting them sometimes just explore their ideas for hours, and was okay with not making any progress on songs and albums in the name of art. This freedom made them better musicians, made their new albums more exciting, and although they dreamt of getting big one day and were quite serious about doing so, with Jules, the feeling of “just a bunch of friends having fun while making music” was found once again.

Even Castiel’s girlfriend, Ella, seemed to notice the changes in Castiel’s demeanor whenever he came home from practice or writing sessions.

“I know that Zackary was a good friend for a long time, but… I love how you changed with him gone and Jules in the picture.” Ella told him one night as he sat at the counter, watching her “cook” their dinner.

“Am I really that different? Or are you just crushing on Jules? You know she has a girlfriend, right?” he joked lightheartedly about Ella’s “obsession” with Jules.

“Very funny. You know you should quit being a rockstar and become a comedian! Then I wouldn’t be the only one who had to hear your smart jokes.” She rolled her eyes but still smiled as she stirred whatever she was making in the pot. “You did really change, though. You’re less stressed, you come home smiling and with flowers… and you’re just so inspired all the time now!”

Castiel nodded thoughtfully, reflecting on the stark contrast in his demeanor. He vividly recalled the days of seething anger and overwhelming stress, moments when he contemplated abandoning everything - the band, the music. But since Zackary’s departure, those thoughts had ceased to haunt him.

“You know… The inspiring part is also thanks to you.” He got up and put his arm around Ella from behind. He knew he was lucky with her – even if she was absolutely horrendous in the kitchen, and he fought his “fight or flight reflex” every time he was forced to eat one of her home-cooked meals. Even with that in mind, Ella was everything he not only wanted in a partner, but also everything he needed.

Life became… easy at some point. Castiel was good at the whole “rockstar” thing, even parts he never imagined he would be – like all the photoshoots, interviews, and social media stuff he used to hate. He liked his privacy, sure, but he naturally became more outgoing, easy-going, and less angry as he kept getting older and enjoying the life he was building. Though he wished he could not post so much on his Instagram account and people wouldn’t try to take pictures of him wherever he went, he was getting used to it all. He enjoyed the predictable moments with Ella and his friends, but he liked the surprises and “adventures” his job had in store for him. But as he settled into his life, there was a “surprise” he never in a million years expected: Ella was pregnant.

She told him over Facetime while he was on tour with Crowstorm… In the beginning, she wanted to wait for him to come home and tell him in person, but she looked and sounded so stressed during their daily video call that Castiel kept asking and pushing her about why she was acting so strange. “I know we talked about having kids before, but… we never came to an actual conclusion. You were never the biggest fan of having kids, but we’ve grown and changed since we last had this conversation… so I guess I’m asking you where you’re at right now?” she asked him.

Whenever the conversation about having kids arose, he told Ella about his worries about being a good father and not having any idea what a good father was actually supposed to be like. Not to mention how busy he and Ella were all the time – he knew very well what it was like to be the child of two busy people, people who were married to their jobs, who put their passion above their family. Growing up, Castiel often wondered why his parents ever decided to have him, when it was always clear to them that they’d never be around. His father, Jean-Louis, was a pilot before he was a father, and his mother, Valerie, was a flight attendant before she was a mother. They barely spent any time at home, and up until the age of eight, his grandmother looked after him, always coming around and cooking meals and helping him with his homework. Then she died, and Castiel was left alone, growing very independent but also always finding himself in uncomfortable situations, making excuses about his parents’ whereabouts whenever he did the weekly shopping at the store, ran into the mailman and the neighbors outside, or when someone important called the house phone, wanting to speak with his parents. Castiel spent his days in solitude and became an absolute loner – later in life, he often wondered if he would have ended up more social if he had grown up different, more normal, and more traditional. At some point, he stopped thinking about the “what could have been,” though.

Thankfully, his parents gave him his best friend, Demon, one Christmas. Castiel suspected they might have felt guilty about never being around but not guilty enough to make a change regarding their professional lives. As a kid, he would have loved to have his parents around more, but even then, he knew it would never happen, so he took the win: Demon became his family. The two of them would do everything together. He dropped him off every morning at dog daycare before school, trained him, took daily walks with him, and found himself taking his dog everywhere. Restaurants on rare occasions, he went out to eat, band rehearsals with his first band (old band), or even just to spend time at the beach on those hot summer days. When Castiel found out that he had a half-sister, who was six months younger than him, from an affair his father had while his mother was pregnant with him, things drastically changed. Violet, his sister, moved in with him because she couldn’t stay with her mother or her mother’s side of the family any longer, and suddenly, there was more life in the house he lived in than ever before. He had to learn what it meant to share his space – because he definitely didn’t even try to do so on those couple of days his parents were at home out of anger at them – and how to be part of a family that didn’t mean just his dog. And while Castiel became an exemplary brother, looking after his little sister – because Violet definitely needed to be looked after – he never believed himself to be a great caregiver or a possible father figure. Castiel’s family was so different from everyone else’s; he had such a vague idea of what an actual family was supposed to look like that the thought of having children of his own terrified him. Ella gave him time to process, and she promised she wouldn’t bring it up until he had time to think – the deadline was the day he returned home. He wanted to uphold his promise, but the tour was a great distraction, which he happily used for the following three weeks. The day he was supposed to go home and have a conversation with his girlfriend about what their family would look like in the future, he felt physically sick standing in front of the apartment building, unable to walk in and face the reality of seeing Ella pregnant. Although he had just gotten off the tour bus and he knew Ella was waiting for him in their apartment, he took a taxi to the train station. He told himself he wasn’t really running away as he bought a ticket to visit an old friend… Lysander.

Lysander and Castiel were best friends in high school but slowly grew apart after college. He knew this had a lot to do with Lysander’s parent’s death, the event changing Lysander into someone Castiel had difficulty recognizing from time to time. Lysander moved back home onto the family farm, the same farm he was running away from when he decided to move in with his older brother, Leigh, and lead his life in the city at the age of fourteen. All the plans Lysander, not only him, but the two of them had together were suddenly not important anymore: Lysander was desperate to connect with his dead parents and to please them even, or really, especially in death by overtaking the farm he used to hate growing up. Instead of a famous poet, composer, musician, or singer, Lysander became a farmer. Castiel was, of course, aware that he was a talented musician. Still, even he knew he’d probably never get on Lysander’s level because Lysander was special – a prodigy who walked away from the obvious path he should have taken. For years, he tried to convince Lysander to take back his own life, to live his life the way he desired to live it before he let his parent’s death control him, but Lysander never budged, and they just became angrier and more frustrated with each other. Castiel knew that Lysander wouldn’t have stayed in his life if it wasn’t for Ella’s twin sister, Crystal, the woman Lysander now called his wife. So, he and Castiel remained friendly for their partner’s sake, but their relationship didn’t feel like a friendship anymore. Castiel didn’t want to give up on the Lysander he once knew, and Lysander was furious with him for that. Surprisingly, even though they hadn’t talked (really talked) in a long time, Castiel found himself on a train to the farm, texting apologies to Ella for not coming home, for not being ready to talk to her about their future. Ella was furious with him, especially because she couldn’t understand why he would rather speak to Lysander, the guy who hadn’t been his friend, let alone his best friend for years at that point, than with her, his partner. Castiel couldn’t explain this sudden urge to see Lysander either, but he was somehow the person he needed at that moment – Castiel just hoped that Lysander wasn’t too mad at him to help him through this, and that Lysander didn’t completely change, unable to provide him with whatever he was looking for.

Crystal: Castiel, please tell me you didn’t actually run out on my pregnant sister!

Crystal: Is it true that you’re coming here for some reason?

He texted back and forth with Crystal, confirming that he was not only a colossal asshole but also an idiot for doing whatever he was doing. After five hours on the train, where he was either texting the twins (who were both pissed at him) or catching up on some much-needed sleep, he arrived at his destination, and Crystal was waiting for him at the station, clearly unhappy with the situation Castiel pulled her into.

“I’m guessing no hugs by your face.”, he tried to joke as he walked towards her.

Crystal was much more even-tempered than her twin, more logical than emotional. Yet, Castiel knew that he had majorly fucked up because he had never seen Crystal look at him or at anyone else before the way she was measuring him up then. “You should be glad I’m not putting you back on the train! Or punch you, for that matter...” she told him with ice-cold eyes and a dry tone.

She wasn’t a violent type or a person who made threats, so this was out of character for her. He made her act like this… She hadn’t talk to him this way even when he and Lysander fought.

“Where is Lysander?” he ignored the comment as he knew he deserved it.

“Working. Just because you decided to show up without even asking us first, doesn’t mean our world stops. If you’d ever visit us, you’d know that owning a farm is a lot of work, and we can’t really do anything spontaneously.”, she explained to him as he put his luggages in the back of the dark green pick-up truck. She was right about this – Castiel refused to visit them and to accept that Lysander and Crystal living on this farm was not just a temporary thing. He had no idea what the farm looked like, and he only had a handful of information about it because, over the years at family gatherings, he has overheard both Lysander and Crystal talking about running it.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel apologized to her as they both took their seats in the truck. Crystal didn’t start the car; she just looked forward, thinking hard about what she wanted to say to him.

“I understand that you had a difficult and very different childhood than most people get in life, but Ella and I also did not grow up under normal circumstances. I cannot comprehend why you would ever think she would not understand your fear of becoming a parent.”

Castiel, of course, knew that the Shepherd-Quinn children weren’t really raised by their parents but by their nannies, chefs, and other staff members. Like many children born into wealth, when it came to parental figures, they first thought of people who worked for them, then their actual parents. Still… this was different. The twins and their older brother, Xavier, had people to look up to, and they had parental figures in their lives – it just wasn’t the people who were their actual parents. Castiel had no one he could consider a parent or a parent-like figure.

“It’s not the same thing. I… I know that Ella would understand to an extent, but… It’s just not the same thing.”

“Well, Lysander’s situation is even more different. He had two very loving parents who raised him until he turned fourteen and left for the city. Even after he moved out, his parents called him daily and looked after him from afar.”, Crystal argued, still not starting the car.

“I know that! Crystal, I can’t explain myself, okay? I don’t know why it’s Lysander who I need right now, but it is!”

“Okay...” without looking at him, Crystal started up the car and began driving towards the farm.

Some sad song was playing on the radio, which further worsened his already sour mood, but Castiel was too scared to ask Crystal to change the station or to change it himself. During the entire drive, they didn’t speak – which was unusual. They have always gotten along and always had something to talk about: Castiel feared that he’d also finally lost Crystal, just like how he lost Lysander.

Even during the drive Castiel, could already see what both Lysander and Crystal liked about living in the countryside. While Castiel loved living in the city, he could finally recognize the beauty and the appeal of living in a small town like the one they lived in. Sure, the roads were bumpy, and some of the streets they’d driven on didn’t have actual roads, but there was beautiful nature all around them, with kids playing on the side of the roads and fat cats basking in the sun after they’d hunted down the dozens of country mice roaming around in the fields. Never in his life before did Castiel appreciate the simplicity of small towns, so he found himself ashamed of dragging them to filth in many arguments before with Lysander.

When they arrived at the Ainsworth family farm, Castiel was even more surprised because it did not look the way he had imagined it would. When they were teenagers, Lysander often told him how old and run-down the entire place looked, but it seemed like he and Crystal managed to renovate it into something straight out of a children’s book.

“This place is huge!” Castiel looked around with a wide-open mouth as he exited the car. “What crops are you guys growing here?”

“Carrots, corn, tomatoes, wheat, sunflowers, strawberries, grapes, and pumpkins. We also have some apple trees.”

“And you have bunnies, right?” Castiel knew that Lysander stopped eating meat when he took over the farm, feeling bad for eating the animals he was raising. Crystal was vegetarian before that. The two of them only had rabbits to sell because they found rabbits adorable. “Yes. Alongside our chickens, cows, sheep, goats, horses, llamas, our cat, Chubbs, and our dog, Belle.”

Castiel couldn’t start to imagine how much work it was to keep such a vast farm running and how many people Lysander and Crystal had to employ and keep their eyes on. Not to mention that, unlike Lysander, Crystal didn’t work full-time on the farm as she often drove into the city for performances – she was a relatively well-known opera singer.

“I am not sure where Lys is but let us go inside for now.”

Crystal showed him to one of their guestrooms. “Do you want to lay down for a while? You look tired, and Lys won’t be back in the house for hours…”

Castiel was itching to see Lysander and finally talk to him, but he also hadn’t slept well for a while, so he agreed to rest until Crystal came to get him. He slept in the soft, comfortable bed until 4 pm and would have slept longer if it wasn’t for Crystal waking him up.

“Rise and shine, Cas! Are you hungry?”

He was starving.

When they went downstairs into the kitchen, Castiel realized how authentic this house was to who Lysander and Crystal were. He always imagined it to be more representative of the previous owners, Lysander’s parents, but that wasn’t true at all. The colors, the furniture, and the decorations screamed of Lysander’s and Crystal’s taste. Although Lysander moved back here for his parents, it did seem like he made his new life here into something that was his own.

“You are gawking…” Crystal commented as she walked over to the kitchen counter, where freshly made, warm fennel carrot soup was on the stove. “Do you care for some soup and homemade bread?”

Castiel always knew that Crystal was way better in the kitchen than Ella, as Crystal had always been interested in cooking and learned to cook from their private chefs. He just never knew that it was a crime that Crystal didn’t own a five-star restaurant of her own – the bread she made from scratch, and the carrot soup she had given him was the best meal he had ever had.

“So, where is Lys?” he asked between bites, sitting at the long wooden table. Crystal has set the table for three, but Lysander was nowhere to be seen.

“Probably got distracted with something. He is horrible with time, you know that.”

He did know that about him and was glad that after all these years, there was something about Lysander that stayed the same.

“Are you guys… are you guys happy here?”

Crystal gave him a disapproving look regarding his question, thinking he was about to start another argument about their chosen lifestyle.

“No, no, no, I mean it for real… Is this life making you happy?”

Crystal eased back into her chair and smiled for the first time since Castiel had arrived. She smiled similarly to how Ella smiled, making Castiel’s heart tug as he thought of his girlfriend at home in their apartment. “You know this already, but I have never imagined living on a farm, much less running it. But this life… this was meant for us. And farm life is hard work, but we love it very much.”

“Lysander loves this?”

“Every second.” she nodded. “I am sure that a lot of it has to do with his parents and his childhood, but Lys is a sensitive soul, so he loves caring for animals and does appreciate seeing the results of his hard work. Plus, even you must admit that this place is beautiful.”

“It does have a certain charm…” he sighed, making Crystal’s smile more prominent.

“Finally! He caves.”

“Not fully…” Castiel put up his hands defensively. “But this visit was long overdue.”

“That is an understatement.”

Just as Crystal finished her sentence, Lysander appeared out of nowhere. He was wearing an ancient, flowy beige blouse and dark green overalls. He was wearing a giant sunhat over his white and black hair, and as he was walking towards them, he was peeling off black gloves from his hands.

“Hello there.” he nodded towards Castiel before leaning down to Crystal and kissing her. “It smells great in here.”

“Today’s dinner is carrot soup and fresh bread.”

“God bless you.” Lysander put his glowless hand over his stomach to signal his hunger. Then he walked over to the sink, washed his hands and arms, and even splashed water on his face. In the meantime, Crystal got up to pour him some soup in the baby blue-white soup bowl she had set the table with and to cut him a couple of pieces of bread.

It was still hurtful that Lysander and he now either greeted each other with a slide nod or with a handshake when, back in the day, they exchanged huge smiles and hugs, whenever they ran into each other.

“How is everything with the… crops and animals?” Castiel tried to make conversation, though it came out incredibly awkward. Lysander gave him a surprised look, probably because Castiel had never even faked interest in the farm before, but once Lysander composed himself, he answered honestly.

“Good. I think Precious will give birth soon.”

“P-precious?”

“Oh, right. Precious is one of our rabbits.”

“Oh!”

The conversation ended there because Castiel had no idea what else he could say. He was scared of accidentally causing an argument, and he didn’t know how to converse with Lysander anymore. Once Lysander sat down to eat, he and Crystal were more or less only talking about the farm business, and Castiel kept quiet, eating dinner and listening to them. Just from today, he understood that what Crystal said at the train station was not really to hurt him, but instead the simple truth: their lives didn’t stop just because he decided to come by, and they couldn’t really do “spontaneous” things, and visits, because running the farm was colossal work. As he continued to listen to them and eat the delicious food before him, he was amazed at just how normal this conversation between them seemed: they talked about animals that soon would need a checkup, ranch hands and their performances, and other things Castiel didn’t fully understand because he knew nothing about crops. This was their daily life, but Castiel had never even tried to imagine them like this because he was too stubborn to do so. Crystal and Lysander were in their element, discussing their farm and family business. Castiel wished he could have turned back time and been more supportive of them, especially Lysander. Leaving the city behind didn't seem like a mistake; he appeared at ease, and if it wasn't for Castiel's surprise visit and overall idiocy, Lysander might have appeared happier.

“Okay, well, we can discuss this later.” Crystal finished up the conversation once they had all finished eating and were just sitting at the dining table.

“I’ll do the dishes.” Lysander stood up, but Crystal gave him a stern look.

“No, you won’t. Not today… You two need to go outside and have a conversation. No hiding, no more excuses and distractions.”

Lysander looked bothered because he most certainly did not want to do what he was told, but nonetheless, he started walking towards the door.

“Go on…” Crystal nodded at Castiel, who also got up to follow Lysander outside.

It was already half-six, and the sun was setting with beautiful colors—pink, yellow, and purple. Castiel wished Ella would be on his side to show her how beautiful it all looked.

“So…” Lysander sat on the porch, and Castiel sat beside him. They didn’t look at each other for multiple minutes, both deep in their thoughts, not sure how to start the conversation. Castiel knew that it was the least he could do to start the conversation, apologize, and explain his behavior not just today but also for the past two years.

“The longer I spend here at the farm, the more I can see just how perfect it is for you and Crystal.” he admitted. This sentence surprised Lysander so much that he turned towards him with an open mouth and big eyes. Castiel understood this reaction—the way he had talked about the farm ever since Lysander decided to leave the city behind was vulgar, to say the least. “Did Crystal slip you some drugs when I was working?” Lysander asked, more serious than joking.

“No, I think I just… Now that I’m confronted by all of this, I get it more or less. Why you did it, why you enjoy it, and… that it’s much more you than I imagined. I thought you were lying to yourself all this time when it came to this place, and although I did have your best interest at heart, I just… I fucked up. I was too angry with you and this place to even consider how all of this might be good for you.”

Lysander stayed quiet for a long time. Castiel didn’t expect him to forgive him, but he did hope for a response – even if it was negative. Before talking about all the craziness of his future with Ella, he just wanted to address "the elephant in the room," and he knew that he owed an apology to Crystal and Lysander. He also desperately craved a cigarette, but he forgot the pack up "in his room."

"You really grew," Lysander commented with a hint of a smile. "When we were teenagers, you were so stubborn you would have never admitted to being such an idiot. You got better in college, but now…"

Lysander didn't finish the sentence; he just turned away from him and watched the view thoughtfully. Castiel knew Lysander was right, and that age and his life experiences made him more "mature." He was still quick to anger and too stubborn for his own good, but at least he learned to recognize his mistakes (though, this time, it was way too late) and how to apologize for them. He also learned how to let go, which he struggled immensely with. Castiel was often caught up in "alternate universes" he was creating in his mind, where things ended up working out differently, like his parents giving him more attention when he was a kid, his ex-girlfriend Deborah not choosing her music career over him, or Zackary didn't betray him, throwing away their friendship. Accepting things and moving on was hard for him, but every time he was disappointed in the past twenty-seven years of his life, he was forced to move on from these bad memories – otherwise, he would have ended up as a genuinely bitter and miserable man. For three years, Castiel couldn't accept Lysander's choice to become a farmer instead of a musician or artist. For three years, he destroyed their friendship because he was so sure he was right and too stubborn and hurt to listen to what Lysander was telling him.

"I still think that you're one of a kind. And it's a crime not to share your talent with the world, but I know that this is your choice and that it's not about me and the plans we made when we were young.

Not everything is about me, he reminded himself Castiel.

"Thank you." Lysander turned to him again, and his hidden smile was no longer hidden. Although Lysander had always been a hard person to read, Castiel knew that at that moment, he was proud of him. "This means a lot."

They fell quiet, watching the scenery in front of them. Castiel felt like an invisible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He and Lysander were not back to being friends. Castiel knew he had to earn back that friendship and that it would take time, but at least all the bad blood between them had disappeared. It was a clean slate, a fresh start.

"I have to ask…" Lysander was the one who broke the silence. "What is happening with you and Ella? Why would you run out on her like this? I know that the idea of becoming a father is terrifying to you, but…"

Castiel immediately felt his heart tighten. He had never run off before – he and Ella would always talk (and often scream) things out whenever they had problems. This was so unlike him, and it must have hurt Ella.

“I don’t know if Ella can ever forgive me for this,” Castiel admitted. “Hell, when I go home, she can punch me in the face, and I’ll gladly let her. I deserve this. I never thought I had it in me to act like such a scum and to hurt the woman I love, fully conscious of my actions.”

“Then why did you?”

“Because… I’m going to lose her. Whatever I decide on, I know that I’m going to lose her, and it made my entire body tense up and run because I can’t and simply… couldn’t even dare think about a future without her.”

“Lose her? Why would you lose her?”

Castiel closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing and not concentrate on his racing heart and tensed-up muscles. Even just talking about it felt like he was dying.

“Because I don’t know how to be a father, especially not a good father. If we have children, I will blow up our lives! She’ll see me fail, and not only will she hate me for my failures, but so will my kids… And if we decide against having children… let’s just say that even though we talked about it many times in the past, during that Facetime call with Ella when she told me she was pregnant, I could tell that she wanted this pregnancy and that she wants to be a mom. I can’t ask her to get an abortion; that’s just not right…”

“Castiel, you’re not going to be a bad father…” Lysander wanted to continue, but Castiel caught him off.

“You don’t know that! Out of everyone, you know the best that I don’t know how a family should function and what one’s relationship with its parents is supposed to be like! How can I become a parent when I don’t even know what parents are supposed to be like? And I’m gone A LOT, which will be even more so in the future! I’m lucky with Ella, but even leaving her behind is killing me, even though she keeps reassuring me about it! I can’t do the same thing to a child, but I don’t want to give up my dreams!”

His head started hurting because he “couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

“You won’t have to give up your dreams! Come on, Castiel, Ella is your biggest supporter! I’m sure that you’d be able to work something out!”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’d have no idea what the fuck I would be supposed to be doing!”

“Most new parents also have no clue… and… Castiel… Look, you are thinking about what’s best for your child already! Your child is not even born, but you’re already looking out for them! That’s what parenthood should be about! You do your best and want the best for your child! That’s all one can do! Someone who already cares for their kid, when they’re not even a baby yet, won’t be a bad father… And you’re forgetting about Ella! You guys are a team; you won’t be alone! And although she didn’t have the most “usual” childhood either, she had people looking after her, so if you have questions or worries, you can always go to her!”

With every sentence that left Lysander’s mouth, he felt calmer. He was so blinded by his fear until this moment that he couldn’t think clearly, but now…

“There are classes you guys can take, books you can read, and forums you can visit. That and teamwork will guide you! Plus, you can ask your friends who are already parents for advice.”

“True, but we don’t know many parents. Only Leigh and Rosalya…” he muttered to himself.

“Actually…” Lysander coughed into his hand awkwardly before giving Castiel a shy smile. “You also have Crystal and I.”

It took Castiel an embarrassingly long minute before he understood what Lysander meant by that.

“Wait…! Is Crystal pregnant?”

“Yes. We wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while, but because of these current circumstances…” Lysander teased.

“Oh my God! Congratulations!” Castiel jumped up and pulled Lysander up with himself. He gave him a big, very tight, and real hug. It has been a while since they shared a hug, let alone such a joyous and real one.

“Thank you…” Lysander whispered as he eased into the hug.

“Man! This is amazing! You guys are going to be parents!”

“I see Lysander broke the news…” Crystal showed up with two beer cans in her hands. “These are for you boys!”

Castiel rushed over to her, took the beers out of her hand, and put them down before giving her a big hug, too. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you, thank you… Although, if you would like to meet your niece or nephew one day, I suggest you ease up on the hug a little.”

Castiel laughed as he let her go. “Sorry, I’m just so happy for you guys! This is amazing! We have to toast!”

Crystal smiled and watched as Castiel opened the beer cans and handed one to Lysander.

“Would you like water or anything else?”

“No, no, I am fine. I don’t need anything.”

“Well, if that’s the case, congratulations to you both! You are going to be… wonderful parents! I can’t wait to meet my nephew or niece! And if they can hear me in there…” he pointed to Crystal’s stomach. “I’ll have you know that I’ll be your favorite uncle! I’m stopping with the stupidity and arguments as of today.”

“I’ll gladly drink to all of this!” Lysander raised the can, and they clanked them together before taking a ceremonial first sip.

“You two are… good now?” Crystal asked, measuring them up carefully.

Castiel wanted to say, “I hope so” or “We’re okay, but will get there,” but didn’t want to put words in Lysander’s mouth again.

“I think so,” Lysander answered with a slight smile. “It will be work, but having my best friend back is good. I missed him a lot…”

Castiel’s eyes immediately became wet upon hearing that, and he quickly blinked away the tears out of embarrassment. Even though he got over Zackary and the loss of that friendship, he couldn’t get over Lysander in a million years. Their friendship was exceptional and a once-in-a-million situation, even though they hit a three-year rough patch.

“Are you okay, Cas?” Crystal walked over to him and pulled him into a hug.

Out of everyone they knew, Crystal was one of the few who truly understood how much their friendship meant to them both.

“Yeah. It’s the dust…”

“What a liar!” Crystal chuckled.

“I’m sorry, it got very emotional!” he protested against “showing weakness,” even though he was amongst people he didn’t really mind showing his sensitive side in front of. “I could just hug the shit out of you for saying such things… But I don’t want to make your pregnant wife feel like a third wheel!”

“Oh, I was used to that with the both of you. Feel free to show off your “bromance” because I would not be a third wheel, anyway! Our child is always with me!” she explained.

“That’s true. At best, she’d be fourth wheeling.” Lysander nodded, still smiling.

“But before you two run off into the sunset… What about my sister?”

"We talked about that too… that's why Lysander told me you're also pregnant. I feel better and see things more clearly, but I have to go home first thing in the morning and talk seriously with her."

"Look, you know me, I am big on privacy, but I need to know if you will break her heart. I have always believed in the two of you, and I know that you love each other, but if having a child is a no-go for you and Ella wants to keep the baby…"

"Whatever Ella wants to do, we'll do, and I'll be at her side the entire time. But if we keep the baby, we'll have to sort out many things because of how hectic our lives are. And I'll probably panic a lot, but I won't run away anymore…"

“I am glad to hear that.” Crystal nodded approvingly. “I’ll text my sister that you’re not planning to make a run for Mexico under a new identity.”

“I would never!” Castiel laughed.

“Oh, she asked me to stop you if you’d bring up the idea. Pregnant or not, I would have locked you up in the shed!”

“Kinky…”

The three laughed, spending the night outside, talking freely and happily about life: Lysander and Crystal were brimming with excitement about their impending parenthood. Despite the challenges of managing a farm, they were hopeful. Castiel, too, was filled with hope, his band’s successes and bright future fueling his optimism. All of them talked without any restraints or resentment for the first time in three years – and Castiel could see his future clearly in that moment. The image of his kids running around the farm, playing with Lysander’s and Crystal’s kids on one of their visits, where Ella was of course also at his side, didn’t seem so scary anymore. In the future, Castiel would read enough parenting books and watch enough documentaries about raising children to be confident about his abilities as a father. He hoped this would be the case at least.

#amour sucre #corazon de melon #mcl #mcl new gen #my candy love #castiel #castiel veilmont #lysander #lysander ainsworth #candy #my candy love high school life #my candy love university life #my candy love love life #fanfic #fanfiction

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kinyeee · 1 year

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To any MCL fans. Does anyone remember who wrote NSFW fanfiction of Castiel, Nath and Candy in University having poly relationship???

I NEED TO FIND IT.

Please help, kind and horny people.

#my candy love #mcl #mcl castiel #amour sucre #mcl nathaniel #mcl fanfiction #fanfic #help i cant find it #it had many routes and option depending on what you would prefer #it was in University Life #revolving around possibility to cheat on Nath or Castiel??? i dont remember #it was a few years ago #possibly 2019

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joyxcelestia · 11 months

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Some of My Candy Love aesthetics of Iris Rheault with some face claim.

The positive Iris is portrayed as Abigail Cowen, an American actress and model.

The choice of the face claim are my opinion, that’s how I see Iris for the purpose of my Wattpad stories.

Edits made by me.

I hope that you like the aesthetics of Iris.

Have a great day❤️

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wickedwarte · 5 months

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Hey guys! I used to read a lot of "my candy love" fanfics here, but it seems like some were deleted or the authors' accounts disappeared, so please link me your favorite my candy love fanfics ❤️❤️

#mcl #mcl nathaniel #mcl kentin #mcl lysander #mcl castiel #mcl armin #mcl priya #mcl ryan #mcl fanfiction #my candy love fanfiction #my candy love #amor doce

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crstormzy · 11 months

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i'm on the edge of madness (writing castiel fanfiction with a thousand different mcl characters)

#i feel like i should do something else with my time but hear me out #it's HIM #there's so much i wanna write oh gods #mcl castiel #amor doce #my candy love #casnath #caslys #there's more than just these two but i don't know if the other ships even have names-#mcl crowstorm

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mcl-alloveragain · 1 year

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BLOG GUIDE! (About me, requests, masterlist.)

--- About me:

Hello!! My name's Dusia, I'm currently 19yo and I'm from Poland

My pronouns are she/they!

My LI is Nathaniel (but if Armin was in the game from the very beginning, it would probably be him lol, too bad I already fell in love with mr. student body president)

My main blog: @miraclestrawberry ❤️ I'm not very active there, I'm just letting you know in case you wonder who the hell answered your comment ajhahaga

I play MCL since 31.07.2015, but I abandoned the game after UL came out, because I was missing my best boys too much to enjoy it anymore. I came back because of Kentin's AL and I'm gonna finish the story... someday.

--- Requests:

I mostly write headcanons, because they are short and I'm still a bit insecure about my english, but I'm fine with drabbles as well and I'm gonna translate my fics at some point, so I think I can pull off one shots as well, it would just take me much more time. I love to write tho, so feel free to request anything you want!!

I'm fine with nsfw stuff as well (cause i'm horny af) but again, those requests may take me a bit longer because I'm not too familiar with nsfw vocabulary (I know basic stuff since I read some smut in English, but still...)

I'm not very comfortable with writing things about characters UL and LL exclusive, like Hyun, Rayan or Eric, because I simply don't know them at all. Priya is fine since she was already introduced in HSL. But I'm not saying no, so if you really want to read something about them, I'll try my best......

What I will NEVER write tho:

Anything that includes any type of sexual abuse or violence. Please don't romanticize this. When I'm writing nsfw pieces, my charaters are always adults and events happen with mutual consent.

I don't write BDSM. Simply because I know nothing about it and I don't want to distribute a false image of this type of relationships.

(list to be updated)

--- Masterlist:

~HEADCANONS~

[all HSL boys]

Your favourite ways to spend time with each other

[individual HSL]

Before the breakup [Armin]

~DRABBLES~

[TBU]

~SCENARIOS~

My scenarios for Armin's AL ep.2

~ONE SHOTS~

[TBU]

~FANFICTIONS~

[TBU]

--- Some other posts about my boys:

ARMIN🎮

Armin and Candy's break up songs

Candy's break up song

Playlist inspired by Armin's Alternate Life [ep.1]

CASTIEL🎸

My Favourite Castiel's Illustrations

KENTIN🐕

My Favourite Kentin's Illustrations

LYSANDER🖋️

My Favourite Lysander's Illustrations

NATHANIEL🐈

My Favourite Nathaniel's Illustrations

--- My MCL OCs:

[TBU]

--- UL/LL related:

[TBU]

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linory1 · 1 year

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Hi! First I want to thank you beautiful art that you draw and share with us through this app, they are absolutely fabulous. Each of his art is a sigh too much. Second, I would like to, with all my heart, ask you for permission to use your art on fanfiction covers.

I don't know if you use or check ask frequently, but until your posts/ reblogs haven't been for a long time, so… I came to try my luck

Making it clear that I will not, at any time, modify them or interfere with your traits as an artist, it is only for use on fanfic covers. I'm a story designer and also a fanfiction writer. Certain arts on the internet are absurdly beautiful (like yours) and allow us to create various plots for them (stories that, in some way, are derived from this visual stimulus) as well as use them on covers when writing with these characters themselves, like the Castiel, Lysandre, Nath… for example.

I ask daily for permission from various fanartists in the fandom (and other anime) to use their art with these copyright requirements and most of them allow it, as long as I properly credit and/or attach the creator's profile link to the cover. I'll do that with yours arts.

I fell in love with them and would love for you to let me use them. Your MCL fanart style is captivating and I would love for you to allow me in these matters. I would really, really, really love it.

Here is where I host these covers (for example, so fanartists like you can see how I do it): https://namicchin.weebly.com I apologize for the inconvenience and look forward to your response!

In my tag #namicchin & #namicchinedits there are some example covers here on Tumblr, it's quite common for fanfic writers (who are also designers to post to please the readers, etc), but if you don't allow me to show it here, just give me permission for me to use in my amateur covers. I WILL NOT PROFIT from your work, explaining beforehand. It's for personal use.

Hi!

Sure, you can use them for your fanfictions (except for the ones that are commissions)!

Thank you so much for your kind words! :) <33333!!!

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marycecilyy · 1 year

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Could you make a headcanon of the mcl characters, the classics (Castiel, Nathaniel, Lysandro, Kentin and Armin) and the tastes they have regarding girl's clothes and how they would like their partner to dress?

Hey, how are you doing anon?

I haven't done any fandom content in a long time. Even though one of the activities i have engaged the most recently is reading fics, I still feel kinda uncomfortable writing.

Honestly, my issue isn't lack of creativity. No, I have so many ideas, 50% of my day is spent daydreaming and inventing scenarios with my favorite ships. It also isnt bad writing, because when I'm writing in portuguese (my native language) I get all my ideas through just fine. The only thing that gets on my nerves is that I always get insscure about not being fluent enough to write fanfiction. I know it's bullshit, but I'm way too picky with my works and I'm never satisfied. Idk.

I wasnt like this before, but this kinda got to me over time. I hate it.

ANYWAY! I WASNT SUPPOSED TO GO ON A RANT ABOUT MY PERSONAL INSECURITIES!

I said all of this cause I wanted to clarify that I'm not taking requests for now. I want to overcome this, but I'm still figuring out how.

Xoxo babes love you

#writing block #personal #ask #anon

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mycandylavynder · 5 years

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Validation

He watches her sunkissed bun wiggle as she scribbles into her journal listening to whatever is blarring in her earbuds. He smirks as he takes a seat beside her.

"Hey!" She protests as he suddenly pulls the earbud out of her ear to have a listen.

He grins as he recognizes the guitar riff playing vehemently through the buds. "Born Ugly by Winged Skull. Nice. I'm glad you like the MP3 player."

Her scowl softens into a smile. "Yeah, I'm glad you gave it to me."

"So what are you working on?" He asks as he looks at the makings of a sparrow sketched out onto the page.

"Nothing, really. Just felt like sketching a bird. What are you up to?"

"Just got out of class so nothing much on my part either."

She nods, briefly distracted by the giggling group of girls slowly congregating around them. Half of them shooting lazers from their eyes at her while the other half shoots love hearts at Castiel.

"Uh, so, you want to get out of here?"

"Sure. Anything beats staring down your fan club." She says as she stuffs her journal back into her bag.

Cas leads Lavynder past the crowd of gawking girls, ignoring the lustful comments and hoping she doesn't hear the snide remarks about her. He peeks over his shoulder to make sure they werent being followed. "So what should we do?" He asks once he is sure they are safe.

"Hmm...I could go for some frozen yogurt."

"That sounds good."

"Yaya's Froyo, it is then?"

Cas nods, leading the way as they walk in silence.

It is a great day for a cold treat. The sun is warm enough to comfortably embrace her exposed skin but not too warm to turn icecream into a soupy bowl of sugary mess within a matter or seconds.

Cas holds the door open for her when they arrive and she immediately makes her way to the self serve station where she fills her paper bowl with the blueberry vegan option. Cas gets right to work too, generously filling his cup with strawberry frozen yogurt. They each pack on the toppings before bringing their froyo to the scale in the checkout counter.

Cas places his on the scale first before nudging Lav to add hers too. "I've got it."

She raises an eyebrow but doesn't protest as he pulls out his wallet. She knows it's no use once he makes up his mind.

After paying, they find a secluded seat in the corner that slightly shields them from the few prying eyes in the shop.

"Thanks for the Froyo. It's a nice treat." She says before taking a blissful bite.

"Don't mention it. I kind of owe you after that disaster date in your dorm."

She flashes a cheeky grin. "Yeah, you definitely owe me for that. Although it wasn't all bad...well, maybe not for you anyway."

He lifts his red brows. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean you did get to see me in a towel and you kissed me, albeit in front of your groupies."

"I guess you're right. You did fill out that towel nicely."

"Shush it," she cries as she leans over the table to playfully slap his arm.

Castiel just laughs and she smiles. It is nice to see him laugh like this, she thinks as she admires the slight crinkling of his eyes. She takes in his long red hair and his broad shoulders, trailing her eyes down his tattooed arms. He is leagues away from the troublesome punk she used to date in highschool, not just in looks but in personality. He is much more refined and mature than she ever remembered him to be. He has become so serious and mysterious. It is fun getting to know him again.

"What's on your mind?" He asks as he clocks the softness in her inquisitive stare.

She waves her hand. "Nothing serious. Just admiring how you have changed."

He leans forward while grinning smugly. "And how is that?"

She laughs at him and pokes his nose. "Don't give me that look!"

He smiles lifting his eyebrow. "Well? I'm waiting."

"Fine. For starters... You're a lot more focused and level-headed than you used to be."

"Yeah?"

"Hmm, you still have hints of your hot-temper though, but in a different way. Like if then you were a wild fire, now you're an inexstinguishable coal fire."

He chuckles as she throws here hands around to paint the picture. "Inexstinguishable coal fire, huh?"

"Yes! You're totally hot in every sense of the word! And it's crazy because I always knew you'd be a big deal and here you are, a very big deal. Maxing out venues, trending MVs, hella fans. It all looks really good on you Cas because it's clear you've worked really hard for it. Seeing you be so serious about your music makes me want to push harder in the art world. I want to be successful too."

"You will be. You've already shown how impressive you are by throwing that gala thing."

"You think?"

"Of course. Don't sell yourself short. You've always stood out. You just need time to let things fall in place."

She smiles, taking another bite of yogurt.

"Besides, you have changed a lot too. You aren't the doe-eyed little girl you were in highschool. You're much more sure of yourself. You still run around campus like a chicken with your head cut off, but you seem like you're less nosy now."

"Shut it!" She wrinkles up her nose as he laughs.

"I guess I finally learned a lesson or two. Especially after passing out."

"I hope so... I prefer my date to be conscious. And if you're going to rip my shirt again, it would be nice if it led us somewhere other than the infirmary." He says cheekily.

"Oh? And where exactly should it lead?" She asks in mock-concern.

He takes a spoonful of yogurt to bite back a grin.

"And weren't you the one who said 'choose your words carefully?'"

"I did. And I am." He says staring into her purple eyes as he takes another bite. She gives him a playful side-eye and continues eating her treat. And they quietly savor their yogurt for a while.

"Lavynder?"

"Hm?"

"You look sexy today." He says as he follows the trail of the charm hanging down from her black velvet choker.

Caught off guard she brings her hand in front of her face, giggling as she blushed. "Ah, stop being sillyl! I wasn't ready for that one."

He smiles at her, enjoying how cute she is. He wonders if he should keep hassling her, although he isn't lying. She is really sexy wearing a top that looked more like black lingerie than the satin lace-trimmed Cami it is.

"Seriously Lav, you can't wear that and expect-"

A phone starts ringing, startling them both.

"Oh, that's me. Sorry!" She says digging through her bag to grab it. She looks at the phone and adds, "It's Rosa. She's been having a really hard time lately. Mind if I answer?"

Cas shakes his head.

Lavynder answers, "Hello? Oh... Hey Leigh is everything ok? Oh...uh...Ok...um...Sure. I'll be right over." She hangs up the phone.

"Is everything alright?" Cas asks, noticing the change in mood.

"Yeah... I hope so. Do you mind walking me to Rosa's apartment?"

"Of course not."

They finish the last few bites of frozen yogurt before gathering their things to go. Castiel observes the drooping pout of her lips and the far off gaze in her eyes as they stroll the street. Should I press her, he wonders. But he decides it's best not to pry.

When they arrive outside Rosa's apartment she mumbles, "We're here."

He nods, his eyes still fixed on hers.

"Thanks Cas. I had fun." She gives him a weak smile.

Castiel pulls her into a hug, giving her a gentle squeeze before he lets go. "Text me, ok?"

She nods and takes a step up, watching the redhead trot away.

"Castiel?"

He turns around.

"Everything is going to be okay?" She says timidly. Her eyes are wide and glossy. It takes every ounce of self control for him not to rush over to hug her again and bombard her with a billion questions.

"It is," He responds. His voice is solid and warm.

"Thank you." She smiles, this time a little stronger. She finds the strength to finish the short ascent to the apartment building door.

Cas waves a salute before disappearing down the street.

#mcl #my candy love #my candy love university life #mcl castiel #mclul #mcl fanfiction #mcl castiel fanfic #mcl castiel fanfiction

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melodyalanaroster · 2 years

Photo

What If Alana Ended Up With Castiel?

Warning! One section of this chapter is NSFW!

Castiel Veilmont sat in his bedroom, bewildered as the realization of his own feelings came more into focus. Each bit of happiness he felt whenever she was near. The pain he felt when he had hurt her. The thoughts that came to mind when she stood before him in her short pajamas outside her apartment building. The extra amount of hatred he felt towards Nathaniel during the school play. Even her sister’s teasing made sense. “I’m in love with her.” He whispered to himself. Alas, it was too late. She had entered into a relationship with his sworn enemy. The very thought of harboring jealousy towards Nathaniel made his stomach turn. She was one of his best friends, she listened to him and showed him worlds that he had spent years being blind to... And she chose someone else. He thought of what he wanted to tell her, of how he wanted to show her his feelings, but as his thoughts turned more sensual, the reality that Nathaniel would be the one to touch her hit him. “She’s still my friend.” He choked. Castiel looked at his phone and smiled. His background was a picture of him, Lysander and Alana. “I have to get over this. She may never choose me. But I can’t let that end our friendship.” He muttered.

★

Alana’s mother was becoming sicker and sicker. The Roster Family wasn’t sure of what to do. There were a couple of hospitals that could properly treat her, but they were all out of the country. “I don’t know what’s going on! Her symptoms are a lot like aunt Cosima’s.” She wept. “Where are the hospitals located?” Castiel asked as they sat in Lynne’s apartment. “The closest one is in Glasgow. The best one is in Toronto.” She replied. “But, if she goes to Toronto, you’ll be all alone. Don’t you have family in Scotland?” He inquired. “Yeah. We’ve contacted my great aunt Sophie to see if that side of the family will take me in if we choose Glasgow. They live in a town not far from there.” She nodded. “That’s not too far away, I’m sure I could visit you, at least during summer or Christmas.” He smiled. “Really! That would be lovely! Alexy, Rosa and Armin are gonna stick to video chatting when they can. Nathaniel and I are gonna call each other every night too! But, having actual visitors would be amazing!” She cheered. “Ah, its a good thing you two were talking about that...” Nate began as he walked into the room. “Do you have an answer?” She asked with fear in her voice. “Your mother is being sent to Glasgow. Sophie has a spare room that you’ll be staying in while she recovers, and your cousins are already excited to have you. Oh, and you need to decide on which college you’ll be attending.” He explained. “Really! I won’t be alone! This is amazing! Plus, aunt Sophie is fun!” She cheered.

And just like that, Sam went off in to the Astarian military with Kentin and Alana was shipped off to Scotland with her mother.

★

Months had passed. Lynne’s and Alana’s time in Scotland had proven very productive. Carol Dubois was fired from being Lynne’s manager, and black listed by any organization related to the Roster family. Lynne’s condition had improved dramatically. Alana was even doing well in her studies. The time for her routine video call with Castiel had come, but on this day, she wasn’t in any mood to do much talking.

Castiel: “What’s wrong?” Alana: “Nathaniel and I broke up.” Castiel: “Seriously? What happened?” Alana: “The spark was no longer there. We decided it was better to be friends than lovers.” Castiel: “So, what are you gonna do now?” Alana: “Take some time to be by myself and eventually see about dating again.” Castiel: “Are you going to be okay?” Alana: -attempting to sound strong and hold back tears- “Yeah... Eventually.” Castiel: “Okay... But, if you need me, I’m here.” Alana: “Thank you Cass, that means a lot to me.”

When the conversation ended, Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. He quickly grabbed a notebook and began writing song lyrics.

★

“Today, we lay to rest, Sylvester Roster. He was a good cat. Always running around and keeping our Melody company. He did his best to be a fine mouser and was great at killing bugs that got into the house. He was a good cat and a great friend. Sylvester, you will be missed.” A woman with brown hair and green eyes who was wearing a black dress spoke. The family had gathered at a nearby pond to have the funeral. Everyone was dressed in black. “Thank you aunt Skye.” Alana blubbered as she stared at the cat’s lifeless body in the small wooden boat. It’s black and white tuxedo fur was dressed with a little bowtie around his neck. He laid on a bed of wild flowers and grass, accompanied by one of his favorite mouse toys. “Goodbye old friend. I’ll miss you! May we meet again one day.” Alana cried as she placed a white rose on top of Sylvester’s body. “Its going to be okay kiddo. I know you don’t wanna hear it right now, but it will.” A middle aged man with dark brown hair and hazel eyes put his hand on Alana’s shoulder when she stepped away from the boat. “You’re right uncle Rory... I don’t wanna hear it... But, I know you’re not wrong.” She wept. Rory gave the boat a light push. “Alright, Will, its time.” An older woman looked at one of the boys and nodded when the boat was a couple of feet away from shore. “Thank you aunt Sophie.” Alana looked at the older woman. A boy with light brown hair, pale skin and blue eyes held up a small bow and arrow, lit the arrowhead, raised it and fired. Within seconds, the boat was set ablaze. Rory held up his flute and played a mournful tune as the fire raged on and Alana cried.

That night, she tried to call Castiel, but he wouldn’t answer. “Please answer me.” She texted, begging him to respond. When he video called her, he looked a mess. Instantly, Alana set her concern for herself aside and worried for him. “Cass, what’s wrong?” She asked, through tears. He kept his eyes down. “How was the funeral?” He asked. “Tell me what’s wrong with you first. What happened?” She inquired, almost pleading. He looked at the screen, his eyes were dark and red, as if he had been crying. “Demon died today.” He choked.

★

Sam was on a video call with her sister. After Alana had finished explaining their mother’s condition, and updated her on how things were going with the family and her studies, Sam started asking her her usual questions. Especially ever since she and Nathaniel had broken up, Sam had begun asking her more and more about Castiel.

Alana: “Why do you keep asking about him?” Sam: “Because he has clearly been in love with you for years. Hell, his band is taking off and at least two of his most popular songs are about you.” Alana: “But, I thought he and I were just friends.” Sam: “Mels, you’re an idiot. When you were with Nathaniel, he was okay with being your friend. But, now you’re single... Maybe you can finally realize that he’s worth your time.” Alana: “But he can do much better than me...” Sam: “What if he doesn’t want to? Mels... I’ve known that he’s loved you ever since he stood outside our apartment building to ask for your forgiveness after the whole Deborah incident. I know you were focused on Nathaniel at the time, but when he saw you dancing with Nath, the pain in his eyes was extremely evident. Hell, at least three of the songs on the cd he gave you are love songs.” Alana: “I-I d-didn’t t-think of i-it like t-that...” Sam: “Look, I know you don’t wanna be in a relationship right now, but, please don’t string Castiel along for too long. He might be good for you... And, I know that, deep down, you do like him.”

When the phone call ended, Alana took the cd that Castiel had given her out and read over the lyrics to the songs that he wrote for her. Sam was right, at least two were love songs. The song “Out Of Reach” was the saddest on the list. “He likes me...” She gasped. Her thoughts turned to how she felt about him. It wasn’t as if she didn’t think of him romantically, or even sexually, at all. In fact, one of the first wet dreams she had had about boys she knew was about him. “Do I like him?” She thought. “Yeah, probably.” The little voice in her head replied. “Do I want to be with him?” She asked herself. “Most likely.” The voice answered.

★ “MELS! YOU HAVE A VISITOR!” Sophie called as Alana sat at her desk, working on her homework. Sophie was a slim, pale skinned, woman with bright red hair, green eyes and freckles. She often wore a blue and black tartan dress, and a white long sleeved undershirt. “Coming!” Alana called as she saved her work and descended the stairs. Standing before her was the man who she couldn’t get off of her mind. “Hey Alana.” Castiel smiled. “Cass!” Alana blurted out as she ran up to him and threw her arms around him. “Ah, I see Mels’ new boyfriend is here.” A girl smirked from the kitchen. “Freya, stop it.” Sophie scolded. Freya looked like a younger version of Sophie, except she had black hair and was wearing black skinny jeans, a My Chemical Romance shirt, multiple piercings in her ears, several rings on her fingers and black knee high lace up boots. “He’s not my boyfriend!” Alana blurted out, nervously. “At least, not yet.” The voice in her head chuckled. “Alana, you look different.” Castiel blurted out. He was right. Despite the fact that they continued to text daily and video chat every other day, she had made some changes over the year that she had been gone. Alana had reverted back to wearing glasses, and she had even gotten a couple of tattoos. The ones on her arms were floral designs that looked sligthly like roses. “Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna get those?” He asked, shocked. “I was gonna surprise you. I just got the ones on my arms yesterday.” She explained. “Sweetie, show him the one on your back! That one looks amazing!” Sophie cheered. “You have one on your back too?” He asked. “I was gonna surprise you with that one too... But, yeah.” She nodded as she took the spaghetti strap and bra strap off of her left shoulder and turned around. On her left shoulder blade was the Thunderbird from Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them with Sailor Pluto’s Garnet Rod from Sailor Moon. “I never thought you’d be the type to get ink. You look good.” He smirked. “I see you got more on your arms.” She pointed out. “Yeah. I still want more.” He replied. “Of course you do.” She chuckled.

That night, the Roster Clan had three more visitors. “Mister Murdock, Miss Walters, Miss Castle, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Sophie asked, shocked as the trio entered her home. “Gather your family. Miss Melody needs to be present.” Charlie ordered. “Lynne is still in the hospital recovering.” Sophie stated. “Which is why Miss Melody needs to be present. As the de facto head of the Roster Clan, she is entitled to the information we have, and is the one who has final say over what is done next.” Miss Castle stated. Charlie Murdock was a thin man with pale skin, short combed brown hair and dark eyes. He often wore a black suit with a red tie, and a pair of glasses with crimson lenses in his jacket pocket. Tatiana Walters was a slim, but muscular woman with fair skin, long brown hair, and brown eyes. She often wore a black suit with a green tie. Jessica Castle was a short, muscular, woman with peach colored skin, black hair, and purple eyes. Her outfit of choice was often a black suit, purple tie, and a Punisher pin on her lapel. “But, what could be so bad that you three need to speak directly to her? She’s just a young girl. She needs to be allowed to have her fun before she’s completely thrust into the role of our family’s head.” Sophie sounded worried as she spoke. “Its bad enough for us all to require the input of the head of the family before we move forward. Now, please, assemble the family.” Tatiana requested.

Several minutes later, every member of that section of the Roster Clan, and Castiel gathered in Sophie’s living room. “Is it okay for an outsider to hear this information?” Tatiana asked. “Whatever you three have to say can be said in front of Castiel.” Alana stated. “Are you sure?” Castiel asked. “Yes. If all three of them are here, then its something very serious... And, having you here will definitely help me stay calm.” She replied. “Okay.” He tried to smile. “Now, everyone, I’m sure you all are wondering why we have gathered you here. We have made several revelations that must be shared with you all. We request that you all remain silent until we are done speaking.” Tatiana began. “First of all, the illness that Lynne is experiencing is the same disease that killed Cosima Chevalier and is currently affecting both Viktor and Edgard Chevalier.” Charlie explained. “Secondly, we have concluded that it is not a natural disease, but the result of a certain poison in their systems. I’m sorry that we went around you, Melody, but we got Nate’s and Sam’s permission to test your mother. Which is how we have concluded that it is the same poison that was used on the Chevalier family.” Tatiana explained. “Thirdly, we believe that since Lynne was a target, that both of her daughters are targets as well. Sam has already consented to getting tested for this specific poison. We’d like to have Melody tested. If that’s okay with you, Melody.” Charlie added. “Why would someone want to poison Alana, Sam and their mom?” Castiel asked. Alana looked at Jessica, curiously. “You’ve been rather quiet Miss Castle. Care to share your thoughts?” She requested. “We know who wants the Chevalier line and your branch of the Roster line wiped out. For the Chevalier line, he has been committing the act himself. For the Roster line, he’s been paying an accomplice to do his dirty work.” Jessica stated. “Who?” Alana probed as she grabbed Castiel’s hand. Castiel looked at Alana, worried. “Achille Mekina.” Jessica replied. Almost everyone in the room gasped. Alana’s grip on Castiel’s hand became tighter. “Why would Verity’s husband want Cosima, Edgard, Viktor, Lynne, Sam and Mels dead?” Sophie trembled. “Because we’re all in the way of his desires. Our family is not formally classified as “aristocracy”, yet we are old and we have a certain amount of power to our name. He can’t completely destroy the family because we even have a coat of arms, and we’re spread out throughout the world. Mom emboldened both Cosima and Verity. Her freedom and desires made them both more confident. Cosima’s fiery nature is what made Edgard fall in love with her. While she was alive, he was more okay with Viktor growing up more normally. Since her death, Edgard has fallen in line with the aristocracy and forced Viktor to do so. Achille married into the Mekina family. He convinced Verity’s father, Cyrus, to give him Verity’s hand in marriage and demanded that she kill her free spirit. He’s demanded quiet obedience from both Verity and Severina. But, as he can’t completely stop either of them from associating with our family, he knows that they disobey him when he’s not around. Mom, Sam and I are the definition of what he hates in this world and we encourage his wife and daughter to be their true selves.” Alana explained. “Not to mention, as Edgard’s business partner, if Edgard and Viktor die, their company completely defaults to Achille.” Charlie added. “But Melody! You’re the most “obedient” of the main line of our family, how could you be a target?” Freya asked. Suddenly, a realization hit Alana’s mind like a tsunami and she tightened her grip on Castiel’s hand. “Jessica, has your team figured out who Achille’s accomplice is?” She asked as her voice wavered. “Yes we have.” Jessica nodded. “Who is it?” Sophie asked. “Achille Mekina was paying Carol Dubois to slip Lynne the poison. Verity helped us obtain the recordings from his office. He was promising her a high position in his group if she helped him as well.” Jessica answered. “I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Alana blurted out. “Abusing Sam and me wasn’t enough! Hiding her abuse from mom wasn’t enough! Attempting to use mom and me to get closer to the aristocracy was never enough!” She continued. Tears had come to her eyes and her voice was failing to maintain strength. Castiel let go of her hand and put his arm around her. “We have a lot of proof against both of them. We just need to test you, get Verity divorced, make sure your mother, Viktor and Edgard are healthy enough to testify against them, and submit the evidence in a proper court. We should be able to put them both in prison for the rest of their lives. But, it will take time.” Charlie assured.

When everyone had gone to bed, Castiel stayed in Alana’s room and held her as she cried herself to sleep. He knew that he only had a week to stay with her, but he didn’t want to leave her side at all. When his phone rang, he did his best to stay quiet. “Look, Leo, I will be back in a week. Zach doesn’t have to worry about it. But, right now, someone I care about is going through a really hard time and I need to focus on her.” He whispered. “Is it that girl you’ve written those songs about?” The girl on the other end of the phone asked. Castiel looked at Alana, lovingly. “Yes. It is.” He replied. “I figured. Zach was complaining that you left the country on a whim... But, if its for her, I understand it. She must be very special.” Leo chuckled. Alana squirmed in her sleep for a couple of seconds. “She is.” He smiled.

★

After Lynne had gotten completely better and the legal teams had plunged into the depths of the process to prosecute and convict Achille Pechman and Carol Dubois, Alana applied to finish her degree at Anteros Academy. “Are you sure you wanna leave Scotland?” Sophie asked. “As much as I love it here and as much as I love you all, I wanna go back to Amouria. I miss my old friends.” Alana smiled. “And she probably wants to go home to her boyfriend!” Freya laughed. “And what if I do?!” Alana shot. “So, you’re admitting that Mister Veilmont is your boyfriend?” Sophie asked. “I mean... We’re not... I don’t know..” Alana babbled. “He might as well be.” The voice in her head piped up. “Where will you be staying when you get there?” Sophie inquired. “Agatha doesn’t live far from the college. She said that I can live there while I finish school.” Alana replied. “Have you told your rock star that you’re going home to him?” Freya inquired. “Not yet. His band is gaining in popularity, so he’s a bit more focused on that. I’ll tell him when I get settled.” Alana beamed.

★

“Welcome home, Alana!” Castiel cheered. “Its good to be back.” Alana mused as she held him close. They were standing in the middle of Agatha’s back yard. It was an oasis of trees, flowers, lights, and fairies. Romantic music had begun to play. He took her hands and lead her in a romantic slow dance. “Cass... There’s something I need to tell you...” She stuttered. “What?” He asked, concerned. She looked into his dark eyes and blushed. “I... I..” She began as she bit her lip. “Come on you idiot! Tell him!” The voice in her head ordered. “Is something wrong?” He asked. “Cass... I.. Oh fuck it.” She blurted out as she cupped his face in her hands, stood on her tip toes, leaned closer to him and placed her lips on his. His eyes widened and his heart began pounding even faster. He wrapped his arms around her back and deepened the kiss as her hands slid to wrap around his neck. Their tongues intertwined with heated desperation. It was as if they had finally found something they had been searching for for their entire lives and they wanted to enjoy every second of it. Each time their mouths separated, they crashed back into each other with more passion. When the passion became too much to handle, Castiel stood back from her to catch his breath. “Alana, please say it. I need to hear you say it.” He begged. She nodded and took a minute to calm down. When she gathered her thoughts, she looked at him with conviction. “I’m in love with you Castiel. I’ve wanted to admit it to you much sooner, but I didn’t want you to think that you were just a rebound after Nath and I broke up...” She proclaimed as she bit her lip. “Alana...” He couldn’t help but smile. She looked at him nervously. “Cass...” She muttered. “I’ve wanted to be with you for so long... Do you have any idea how relieved I am to know that you want to be with me? I could write an album.” He professed as tears came to his eyes.

★

A familiar tune reached Alana’s ears. The memory of her favorite Disney movie instantly hit her. “Let it roll right off your shoulder. Don’t you know? The hardest part is over.” Someone sang. She walked in the direction of the music and found Castiel sitting in Agatha’s garden. “You remember!” She beamed as he continued to sing. “Our lives are made in these small hours. These little wonders; These twists and turns of fate. Time falls away; But these small hours; These small hours, still remain...” When the chorus came around again, Alana began to sing along, harmonizing with him. While Castiel did his best to not take his focus from his playing, he couldn’t help but smile. As the song came to an end, they looked at each other lovingly. “I’m not a fan of Rob Thomas... But, when you told me about your love of Meet The Robinsons, I wanted to learn that song for you...” He blushed. “And to think... I thought it was sweet when you showed me that you know how to play “Hakuna Matata” at the beach.” She cooed.

★

The school papers came out and social media was blowing up. “Has Castiel Found Love?”, “Crowstorm Heartthrob Wooed By Roster Heiress!”, “Lynne Roster’s “Sweet Daughter” Clearly Likes Bad Boys!”, “So Much For Quiet Obedience From Melody Roster!”. Castiel looked at them mortified, while Alana sat back on his couch and laughed. “Cass! Listen to this! “The second the aristocratic eyes turn away from Lynne Roster’s little Melody, she goes hog wild! Sporting tattoos, and now a rock star boyfriend, it seems like she just won’t stop! Is this just a phase? Or is this wild style permanent?” If those assholes knew me at all, they’d know that that sweet bullshit was just an act!” She read. “Alana, are you sure this is okay with you? It isn’t okay with me.” He stated. “Its not about if its okay with me. They’re going to do this no matter what I want. Its my job to make my mark and let the world know that I don’t give a damn what they think and want. I am the leading lady of my own life and I’m going to enjoy it!” She boomed. “I don’t like what they’re saying about us.” He muttered. “Cass, they don’t know or care that you’ve written songs about me since before your band was formed. They don’t care that its not the truth. They want their headlines. Its like when they run up to us, taking their pictures. All you can do is raise your middle finger in the air, say “Fuck!” and make it to where they can’t make a quick buck off of your face.” She replied. He put his phone down, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her repeatedly. “That’s my girl.” He purred.

★

“I can’t believe you’re with Castiel now!” Nathaniel boomed as he paced around Agatha’s living room. “And I can’t believe you’re THIS upset about it!” Alana shot as she stood in the kitchen. “You and I break up and you immediately jump into his arms?!” He yelled. “I didn’t “immediately” jump into his arms! He was there for me! When you and I were together, he accepted his position as my friend and didn’t force himself on me! When you and I broke up, I wanted to be single for a while. I was single for a few YEARS before Cass and I got together! And, I’ll have you know, he was there for me during the darkest point in my life! Something YOU couldn’t even be bothered to talk to me about!” She explained. “I’m sorry I didn’t always want to talk about your mom being sick and how worried you were! I’m sorry I didn’t always wanna talk about how Scotland was!” He sassed. “My mom, sister and I were literally being poisoned in an elaborate attempt to wipe out an entire branch of our family! I tried to tell you about it! I TRIED to tell you about what I was doing as the de facto head of my family! I TRIED to tell you how school was going! But you didn’t wanna listen! When we were together, I TRIED to be there for you to the best of my ability! But, you didn’t wanna talk! It felt like I had to pry your teeth out just to get anything from you!” She retorted. Nathaniel’s eyes widened at the revelation. “I know that, unlike Cass, you couldn’t travel to see me. I was well aware of that! But the time difference was only a couple of hours! Not to mention, it wouldn’t have killed you to text me more! Castiel made time for me, even when we were JUST FRIENDS! He texted me, he video chatted with me, he visited me! He’d TALK to me! Hell, Armin, Alexy, Rosa and even Lysander TALKED to me! Cass didn’t make moves on me while I was in pain! At most, he held me the night I cried myself to sleep when we were told about Achille’s and Carol’s attempted assassinations!” She yelled. “But you wouldn’t know that, because while I was actually working and being there for her, you were in alley ways or in random girls’ beds.” Castiel growled as he entered the room. “Shut up Castiel!” Nathaniel snarled. “No, I will not stand for you talking to her like that!” Castiel narrowed his eyes and stood in front of Alana. “YOU.” Nathaniel adjusted his stance and readied his fists. “If we’re going to do this, we’re gonna do it outside.” Castiel ordered. “NEITHER OF YOU are going to do anything! Nathaniel, if you wanna talk to me, the LEAST you can do is be civil about it! I wasn’t lying when I said I still wanna be your friend. But, I will not tolerate being talked down to, or treated like a common whore! I will also remind you both that this is Agatha’s house! And I’d like to keep it nice! AM I CLEAR?!” Alana boomed. Nathaniel and Castiel looked at each other as if they were ready to start a war. “I SAID AM I CLEAR?!” Alana yelled. “Fine!” Nathaniel spat as he left the house. “Of course.” Castiel sighed as he calmed down.

★

NSFW!

The curtains in Castiel’s apartment were pulled and slow music played as he laid on his bed, completely naked. He had placed a condom and a bottle of water based lubricant on his bedside table before laying down. “Are you sure you want this?” He asked nervously. Alana had a devilish grin on her face as she threw her shirt on the ground, undid her belt, slid her pants down her legs, left them on the floor and revealed a set of black lace lingerie. “I’m sure, Castiel. I want this. I want you.” She cooed as she got on the bed and knelt down to his crotch. “Alana...” He sighed. The innocence on his face almost made Alana forget that he hadn’t been a virgin since before he was with Deborah. The sweetness in his eyes made something in her stir. “I love you Cass, and I want to show you how good you make me feel.” She smiled. Before Castiel could respond, she already had him in her mouth, licking and sucking each and every inch of his length. He couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden warmth of her mouth surrounding him as his hand gripped his sheets. She looked up at him and giggled. “That was cute.” She winked. Alana began peppering his length with kisses and licking the head. “Alana!” He quietly moaned. His breathing became heavier as he enjoyed every stroke and flick of her tongue. When his other hand had begun to grip the bed, she laid down and kissed him. “Do you want this?” She asked, sweetly. “Yes.” He nodded. “Good.” She smiled. Alana straddled his hips and brought her hands to the clasp of her bra. “Thank god I picked the set that hooks in the front!” She thought. With a quiet “CLICK!” the clasp was undone and her breasts were released from their lacy prison. She could feel his length pulsing against her panties as her core became wetter and wetter. “Alana, get on the bed.” He requested. “Okay.” She nodded as she obeyed.

As the night progressed, Castiel and Alana didn’t get much sleep. Castiel did his best to have his actions show how much he had been dreaming and longing to make love to her for several years. By the time the night ended, she had climaxed so many times that he had to carry her to the bathroom to get cleaned off. “I love you my sweet Melody.” He cooed when he laid her back in the bed. “I love you too my darling Cass.” She breathed as he laid down next to her.

★

The night of Graduation Day, Alana’s family wanted to have a party at Agatha’s, but Castiel had promised that Crowstorm would play at The Snake Room. “We can do the party another day!” She cheered as Sam, Ken, Viktor and Severina stood in the street with her parents, Verity and Castiel. “But Melody!” Lynne whined. “Come on, Lynne. Let the kids have fun tonight. We can have a big graduation party later.” Verity smiled. “And Castiel did promise the school he’d play. We don’t want him to break a promise like that.” Nate nodded. “As Mels’ best friend, I’d also like to formally welcome you to “The Crew”. You’re one of us now Castiel!” Severina mused.

Crowstorm took the stage as the club filled with the cheers of graduates and their guests. Alana and her group stood up front, celebrating. “Thank you all for coming! You know who we are. And today, we’re starting with our new song, “She’s Mine”.” Castiel announced as he started playing. The song was about how, after years of hoping, he had finally won the heart of the woman who was out of reach, and how he never wanted to let her go. When the song ended, Castiel held his hand out to Alana, brought her onstage and kissed her passionately. As they parted, Alana couldn’t help but smile. “You’re right, Castiel Veilmont. I am yours.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve wanted to write this “What If” story for a bit. It doesn’t showcase the entire relationship, as it mostly really just covers UL, because if I did the entire relationship, I’d have to write multiple chapters.

This effectively screws Alana, in the main timeline, over even more... As, in the main timeline, Glasgow isn’t even an option for her and Lynne to go when Lynne gets sick.

Charlie Murdock was inspired by Daredevil. Charlie Cox is the actor who plays him in the MCU. He was first described in “Power, Lies, and Desperation” and is the lead Roster Family lawyer. He is a thin man with pale skin, short combed brown hair and dark eyes. He often wore a black suit with a red tie, and a pair of glasses with crimson lenses in his jacket pocket.

Tatiana Walters was inspired by She Hulk. Tatiana Maslany plays her in the MCU. She is a slim, but muscular woman with fair skin, long brown hair, and brown eyes. She often wore a black suit with a green tie.

Jessica Castle was inspired by both Jessica Jones and Frank Castle (Punisher) from Marvel. She is a short, muscular, woman with peach colored skin, black hair, and purple eyes. Her outfit of choice was often a black suit, purple tie, and a Punisher pin on her lapel.

Pechman was chosen for Achille’s family name. It means “man with bad luck” and is of German origin. I did take a bit of inspiration from RWBY for his story. Like Jacques Schnee, Achille found a family that has more prestige and power and convinced the patriarch to let him marry his daughter. Unlike Willow Schnee, Verity doesn’t turn to alcohol while her husband wreaks havoc.

Sophie is one of Alana’s grandmother’s two little sisters. Skye is her daughter. Freya is Skye’s daughter. Rory is Skye’s brother. William is Rory’s son. Freya dyes her hair black.

I must admit, it was very weird to write Nathaniel like that... I’m so used to writing his and Alana’s love story that, writing him as her ex, felt wrong...

The scene involving Sylvester’s funeral was painful to write. I thought of when I lost my cat, Luna in 2014, and the funeral I would have like to have had for her.

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andraaste · 3 years

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Seeing my two stories ranked # 1 and 2 Beemoov does something to me ☺️💕

(even though Wattpad rankings are constantly changing aha)

#eldarya fanfic #eldarya #mcl #mcl nathaniel #mcl castiel #lance #eldarya new era #beemoov #lance eldarya #personal #eldarya fanfiction #wattpad

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therealmrsnevillelongbottom · 3 years

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Whenever Beemov make a decision about their games...

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imagine1sweetlove · 4 years

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Song: Vises: Mothica (This’ll be posted in two parts since it’s long - Part A) WARNING - There is Content of Sexual themes, Alcohol, Abuse READ AT OWN RISK.

---

“W-Wait… I was just joking… She-She wanted to make me look bad so I thought I would play along..” Deborah stumbled out in shock only to be interrupted by Rosa.

“Oh come off it, there's no use trying to lie now. What do you really think we’re that stupid?” She said extremely pissed off

“Wha-What? No, that’s-that’s not what I-” She trails off then turn towards Castiel who has been silent this whole time “Kitten you-you gotta believe me” She said acting like she was about to cry but anyone could tell that it wasn’t real and as she looked around she realized that no one was falling for it and her tears quickly turned to anger.

“Ugh! You know what! Fuck you all! Who needs all you losers.” She yelled as she stormed off. As she was leaving all I could do was stare at her.

I can’t breathe, I thought that after exposing Deborah to the school and clearing my name would make things better. So why do I just feel empty? I haven’t felt this kind of emptiness since… since after my older brother's funeral, the whole reason I moved here. As I was looking around at all the students of Sweet Amoris High School, people who I thought of as friends and who I thought felt the same, many of whom had a regretful expression, I wasn’t sure anymore tho. And then there was Castiel, He’s face was one that could shatter a heart.

Rosa started walking towards me but I couldn’t think straight. I started to slowly back away shaking my head. I can’t breathe. I could see Alexy talking to me with Lysander nearby but it was like I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I can’t breathe, so I did what I could. I ran. I ran out of the school, I could tell that there were people following me but I didn’t care. I just had to find somewhere to breathe.

Next thing I know I’m falling to my knees. I try and look around and can barely make out the park near my house when I get hugged from behind. I would have freaked out if I didn’t recognize the perfume, Rosa. I turn into her hug and I can’t hold it back anymore. Next thing I know, I start crying. Tho I’m not sure why. Maybe it's because I feel empty, or my heart feels like it was shot but either way, she lets me cry into her. After what feels like hours but is probably only 20 minutes I calm down enough to stand.

“Are you ok Emmaline?” I look to my left and see Lysander, Alexy trailing behind him. I can only nod, not fully trust my voice. “Do you want us to walk you home?” He asked walking a bit closer as if he was afraid I would brake again.

“It’s ok Lysander, You should probably go check on-on Castiel tho, he needs his best friend right now. And I have Rosa and Alexy.” I said trying to sound convincing tho the look on his face tells me it’s not working very well. He takes one look at Rosa, who nods her head and puts her arm around my shoulder.

“ Ok, Rosalya text me when you get her home, please. And tell Leigh that I’ll probably be home late,” he says looking a little apprehensive but didn’t say anything.

It thankfully didn’t take Rosalya, Alexy, and I long to reach my apartment building after we left the park. And thankfully they didn’t force me to talk because I don’t think I could have without crying again. After saying goodbye and going inside my apartment I noticed that my Aunt wasn’t home yet.

The empty feeling still hadn’t gone away and as I was looking in the kitchen for something to eat even though I wasn’t that hungry I noticed the bottles of vodka in the back of the freezer. I thought for a half a second before grabbing the half-empty one. I looked at the bottle as I walked to my room and locked the door. As I walked in I turned on my laptop and started playing music then sat down on the floor next to my bed and opened the bottle, and took my first drink in a long time.

It’s been four days since what happened and I was thankfully able to talk Aunt Agatha into me staying home for a while. Yesterday she told me that she had to go away for a business trip and would be gone for four days, at first she was worried but I told her that I would be ok. So here we are, Auntie had left this morning and left my more than enough money to last me her being gone. Not long after she had left the emptiness came back. I looked at the clock as it just turned 2:15 pm. I decided to take a shower hoping that it would help.

Once I got out of the shower I put on a pair of white skinny jeans and a plain black t-shirt. I then grabbed my wallet, keys, and my hoodie and went to the nearest corner store, having just turned 18 during summer break I no longer need my old fake ID, not that I even have it anymore as my aunt took it day 1 of moving in with her. As I walked in I went straight to the alcohol at the back of the store, as I’m walking past the window to the back I noticed Rosalya and Leigh walking passed. I put my hood up and my head down hoping she doesn’t notice that I’m in here. I went to the fridge full of the little shot bottles and grabbed three of every type I could see. If I’m going back to school tomorrow I don’t think I’ll be able to make it without something in my system. I’m lucky enough that Agatha hadn’t noticed the alcohol missing from the freezer.

I'd decided that I'd had enough to hold me over. I walked up to the counter checking to make sure that the coast was clear. The cashier was a tad skeptical and of course, asked for an ID. I obliged and pulled it out for him to check once nodding in approval he rang up my drinks. I hadn’t even flinched at the price. I took the paper bag in my arms and started off in a direction. I wasn’t quite ready to lock myself in the darkness of my room just quite yet. The streets were kind of empty. Everyone was at school at the moment, well everyone besides me and Rosalya and her boyfriend, however, it’s normal for her to not always go to school. I shook my head not wanting to think about them at the moment. I clutched the bag tighter seeing a small park I used to go to when I’d visit my aunt as a child. Walking up to it I saw that no one was there… Kind of sad how things turn out. Kind of like myself…

I sat on one of the swings, I snagged a shooter from the bag and broke the seal with a satisfying click. Throwing my head back I felt the raw burn as it slid down my throat. I couldn’t care less at the moment. It was better than feeling nothing, and I’ve been feeling a lot of that recently. I bought enough to get me through the school day tomorrow since it was a Saturday, thank god it was a half-day, still torture none the less. I felt something well up but I pushed it back down with another shot. I felt myself fading a little more, with each drink that slid down my throat seemed to make the emptiness fade. Anger? Pain? I wasn’t feeling anything. Who’s fault was it? No one but my own, pathetic and worthless. My parents always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything and the person who I looked up to the most was now gone. No, one cares at this point… now that he’s gone… what is left for me to feel? The alcohol as it slowly consumes me…

I threw another one back before I stood up and began to stumble back to my apartment. It was getting dark and a single girl, tiny and defenseless was never a good option after dark. I clutched the bag to my chest as my vision blurred a little. Careful to avoid most people, since school was out I could run into someone, or at least have a higher chance. I’m not quite prepared yet, not to talk with anyone. I just can’t… Took a little longer than usual, I made it back and just collapsed on the stairway of my apartments. I couldn’t… I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. It made the emptiness come back in full swing. I pulled out some Gin and guzzled it down like it was my life force. It burned… good… I deserve this…

I heard something, no someone approached me from behind. Perhaps a passerby, perhaps a neighbor. I know it wasn’t my aunt, she was gone for another day and a half. A voice spoke, I froze… No, not right now, not yet. I’m not ready.

“Emmaline?” A sweet yet concerned voice said. “Emmaline!?” the female, that every other woman envied was hovering over my semi-conscious body. “What are you doing? What are you thinking!?” She snapped at me, worry evident in her voice, a slight twinge of anger held in there. “Why wouldn’t you tell me that something’s going on! Why won’t you speak to us?” I could tell she had tears, her voice cracked as she called Leigh over to help her carry me inside. I felt my body being lifted and I clutched my bag closer to me. The jingling from my keys could be heard as we ventured into the apartment. “Emmaline, where’s your Aunt?” Her voice once again cracked seeing me in such a state. I was too far gone to respond. I felt myself being placed on what I’m assuming was the couch. Leigh tried to take the bag from me, a glare shot his way. Retreating his hands he stood by Rosa, his lips pursed. “Are you going to school tomorrow?” She said quietly… unsure of herself.

I nodded my head not wanting to talk, more of trusting my voice to speak coherent words. Perhaps this was enough to settle them, to get them to leave, and let me wallow in my own self-doubt and destructive manors.

“Emmaline, talk to us what's going, honey?” Rosa asked me kneeling on the floor next to the couch Leigh sat me on. I could only look at her as my eyes got blurry with tears. Rosa got up and sat next to me as I cried into her shoulder. It wasn’t long before I fully lost consciousness.

Rosalya’s POV:

I saw her fall asleep and pursed my lips laying her down, covering her with a blanket. I stood up and walked over to Leigh and sighs. “I don’t know what has gotten into her. She’s… she just won’t talk. I thought it was her I saw in the store but she didn’t say anything so, I let it slide. I knew I should-” My voice cracked as I hugged Leigh tears falling. It broke my heart seeing her in such a state

“I’ll talk to Lysander. Perhaps he can talk to Castiel for you…” He said trailing off holding me, while I was breaking in his arms. He kissed the top of my head. I know he hated seeing anyone in a state like either of us. I nodded in agreement. I didn’t really want to leave her but I had things I needed to finish at home.

Emmaline’s POV:

It was about quarter 7, I woke with a splitting headache, Beautiful, a beautiful way to start the day… I vaguely remembered what happened the night before, talking to Rosa, and my drinks. I looked at the brown bag that fell out of my arms. I looked at the clock once more and decided to go to take a shower. Gathering my clothes for school I hopped in letting the hot water scaled my aching muscles. Hopping out I dried myself off and got dressed throwing my hoodie with the kangaroo pocket. I shoved a couple of shooters in the pocket hiding them as I downed two. I looked at the clock and it was about 7:30 at this point. Sighing I decided it would be time to start walking to school.

Thankfully the walk was rather uneventful, on top of the fact I didn’t run into anyone I knew. So otherwise a peaceful morning. The rest of the day, however, I’m not sure if it would go as smoothly. It was in between periods and right before lunch. I decided it time to take a couple more drinks. I took my bag with me into the restroom, locking myself into the stall. I had my headphones in my ears and my music played. I cracked open a Jack Daniels and threw my head back welcoming the burn that soon followed. Then a Gin, Vodka, Rum, I needed to feel it, So, I finished the 4th bottle. I leaned back letting everything flow in my veins. I breathed in deeply and sighed softly shoving a mint in my mouth hoping to mask the smell of alcohol. I closed the empty bottles and threw them in my backpack. Heading out of the bathroom, I think I was going to skip this next period. I just wasn’t feeling it. I pulled one ear but out encase a teacher caught me.

“Emmaline…” I heard a stern voice call out to me. It was a voice I know all too well… Castiel… I kept my head low and just kept walking. He grabbed my shoulder to force me to face him “Leigh told Lysander to come talk to me… He said that Leigh and Rosa found you practically half-dead on your steps. What the hell?” He demanded from me. I just couldn’t meet his eyes and turned away again. “No… Look at me!” He growled lowly and spun me again making the full vodka bottle fall from my hoodie pocket. He carefully leaned down and picked it up, turning back to me… I accidentally looked up and met his eyes and bit my lip. There was something there… In his eyes. Hurt? Betrayal? I couldn’t fucking tell and it was pissing me off. My voice was returning.

“Fuck off… You don’t fucking own me, and your not my fucking boyfriend...:” I snapped. This was it, anything that was left holding on to the void was here, like an imploding black hole. I was gone. “You don’t fucking care about me and you never fucking did. Don’t fucking try and pity me or get pissed like you know me...because you don’t fucking know me.” I turned on him with a small smile upon my rosy lips. My eyes hollow and soulless, I felt myself snap.

“What the fuck are you talking about Emmaline?! Why would you go and fucking drink yourself to this?! What does this fucking prove?!” He asked rather… Distraught? I didn’t fucking care anymore. I laughed…

“Well it didn’t fucking matter to you when she was fucking tormenting you, I wasn’t going to fucking watch you self destruct.” I laughed again and pushed him away. “And since I don’t seem to fucking matter to you since you know ROSA’S BOYFRIEND had to fucking tell his LITTLE BROTHER TO fucking TELL no… I bet BEGGED your sorry self to come fucking find my worthless, low and pathetic ass and “TALK” to me… Well you know fucking what? Fuck that, fuck you and fuck off! I don’t fucking care.” I spun on my heels leaving a stunned male in the hallway. Teachers walking out to see what the commotion was. I took off. I left this place. I couldn’t handle this not right now… My aunt is gone for two more days. Perfect. I kept running till I reached my place, as I came upon me building I slowed down.

“Emmaline!” I heard a voice from behind me, looking over my shoulder, about ready to yell at them when I noticed that it’s Lysander. I slowed down a little bit more to let him catch up as I walked into the building. It wasn’t till I was at my door when he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder and turned me around slowly. Looking up I noticed he was at eye level.

“Emmaline, what's going? Rosa was over at Leigh’s and I’s place last night scared for you and now blowing up at school? This isn’t like you. Please, talk to us.” Lysander said with concern in his eyes. I stare at him for a moment before nodding my head towards the door, indicating to go inside first.

After we got inside I sat him down and explained the reason I moved to Sweet Amoris, my older brother Jace’s accident, and how I started drinking to cope with his death. How I felt empty after due to him being a huge part of my life even though he was 10 years older than me, he practically raised me with our parents almost always being gone for work. How after moving in with my Aunt I started to feel better little by little. How when Deborah showed up and started making almost everyone turn against me, the empty feeling started to return till it got too much. I watched as Lysander silently listened to what I had to say, everything I had been through. When I was fully done I lowered my head trying to keep the tears from once more falling.

“Perhaps…” He started and looked at me with concern in his eyes “Perhaps instead of using alcohol as a way to deal with it, I know something I use is writing. Have you ever tried writing a poem or something? It may be a better way to cope with the grief you’re feeling.” He said, patting my head. For an odd reason, I found slight comfort in his actions.

“Alright, I suppose… I can try it…” I said hesitantly. He gave me a reassuring smile.

“I promise it’ll be okay, if you need anything let me know, I’ll do what I can for you.” He said standing as he walked to her apartment door. Looking over his shoulder he said, “again like I said, try poetry, it’s a great way to escape.” He said once more and then proceeded to leave gently closing the door behind him

“Poetry huh…” I said frustration apparent in my voice. I grabbed my notebook and a pen before heading out to a nearby park. Perhaps I can do this. I sat on a park bench, the sun shining over me. I closed my eyes and shivered. “I can’t believe it’s been this long already…” I said feeling my cheeks become wet. I looked down, staring at the paper before I took a breath and just began writing. Everything I felt, and was currently feeling, Every pain I had was being spewed onto this paper before.

“All these vices.…” I mumbled to myself and took a shaky breath. I shook my head and rubbed my face. I’ll have to admit it definitely came out more like song lyrics than a regular poem. I hadn’t noticed the person who walked up to me. It wasn’t till I felt a hand on my arm did I jump and notice Rosa.

“How are you feeling?” She asked softly, almost as if she was afraid to break me. I sighed and took a deep breath.

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” I told her. I stared at the notebook, the words written deeply into the pages. I watched as Rosalya was peeking over my shoulder. I was hesitant to let her read it but I guess since I wasn’t able to portray what I was feeling in words maybe she could understand through this.

“ oh wow…” She started off before hugging me tightly. I shuddered and leaned into her. I guess I missed this. “You should sing this. I know a place that allows open mic on Sundays, you should come…” I looked at her like she was absolutely insane.

“Are you crazy?!” I started, I looked like a gasping fish out of water. “I-I can’t do this in front of people…” She looked at me with a bright smile on her face.

“I know you’ll be great come on. Pleaseee?” she begged me slightly, I sighed and gave a small smile to her.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go…” I agreed and hugged her leaning on her shoulder. I guess, the stress of everyone… Turning on me again had become too much. “Thank you”

“Anytime Emma, now it’s getting late. How about you go home and I’ll come get you around 4:30 tomorrow.” Rosalya said, smiling brightly. After a quick hug from Rosa I started on my way home, I can’t believe I let her talk me into singing tomorrow, she’s going to be the death of me. I shook my head and walked into my apartment. I know I felt drained, honestly since it was already late afternoon, I may just head to bed. Which is what I did.

#MCL #My Candy Love #My Candy Love Castiel #MCL Castiel #Castiel #beemoov #Vices #Drinking #sad #love #alcohol abuse #song #poetry #mothica #mothica song fic #song fic #song fiction #fanfiction

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