#married people problems

[performing-personhood]

Starting to dramatically lower my scheduling preference standards

What's the point of trying to match my partner's business hours schedule if all he does when we're together is hyperfixate for hours on whatever Switch game he's grinding? Like, he can do that whether or not I'm there and his evening won't change in the slightest.

Working evenings and weekends (and holidays, and birthdays) is not what I want to be doing, necessarily, but at least I won't feel so damned invisible.

Thirteen years, and the only thing I love that he is willing to do with me is watch Star Trek. Sometimes. If there's a new season of a new show.

The other day he said to me, in vino Veritas style, "I know I'm not as interested in your stuff as I want you to be in my stuff." I said that was true and thanked him for his honesty and vulnerability. Despite myself, it gave me hope that maybe things would be different, that now that he's self-aware he'll do something about it. That hasn't happened, of course, but that's on me.

After my bestie left after her visit, I finally looked him in the eyes and said how badly it hurts my feelings when nobody is curious about me and nobody asks me any questions, because curiosity is a big love language thing for me. Hearing me say that about someone else seems to have gotten through because every day since he's remembered to ask about my day.

I'm grateful for that, but now that I know that's how to get through to him, I'm plotting how I can use this same strategy to wake him up about how invisible I am to him. When the opportunity presents itself, I'll be ready.

#diary post #relationship posting #marriage #married people problems #relationships with cis men #invisible people

[dollypopup]

'colin needs to grovel' 'colin should suffer' 'pen can't let him off easy'

please, his mother in law is about to be PORTIA, doesn't the man have enough curses in his life?

#colin bridgerton #polin #portia featherington #colin at the beginning realizing he's marrying into the Featheringtons: oh god i have truly met some insufferable people in my life #colin hours later full of spite and w/ approx. 0 patience for Portia's shit deciding he's gonna become The Problem: but also they've met me #Colin decides he's going to be the permanent thorn in her side and it's wonderful #don't get me wrong #but damn. . .pour one out for our boy #you KNOW he loves Pen because who the fuck else would deal with Portia of all people as a mother in law???? #'woe portia as your MIL upon thee' is like. . .THE ultimate curse #but Colin went 'it's rotten work but not if it's for Pen' #we should all be so lucky

[tiberius-kirks]

sdv question time, I've been curious

#sdv #stardew valley #personally i marry someone new each save but ive been wanting to make a new save to marry sebastian and leah again with the 1.6 update! #but i still havent married all the people i want to yet so it's a prioritization problem

[zeroducks-2]

-

Right, because antis doxxing people, sending death threats, destroying people's livelihoods and bringing them to self-harm ain't a thing, nuh huh sir surely a teenager getting bullied to the point of attempting suicide is not a real problem! It's just silly fandom things that give you brainrot! How cringe of people to worry about this! Surely the rise in puritanism, the anti-trans wave, the absolute state of dismay LGBT+ rights are in (and the even darker future that awaits) aren't directly linked to the internet version of fascist mace-bearers that make someone's life impossible just because they do something that they deem immoral!

We should all keep paying taxes and mind our own business and shake our heads at these stupid not deep things that have zero impact on real life, cause you know there is nothing more inconsequential than bullying, harassment and policing fandom spaces with puritanical scrutiny. Surely all of this doesn't matter and we need to get real problems am I right. Cause this doesn't affect tangible real life it's just cringe people being cringe on the internet about inconsequential things.

#HARASSMENT IS NOT A TRIVIAL ISSUE #BULLYING IS NOT A TRIVIAL ISSUE #TRYING TO POLICE FANDOM SPACES THROUGH VIOLENCE IS NOT A TRIVIAL ISSUE #does OP genuinely not see that most of the people who get harassment are queer and pay taxes as well #does OP think we're all kindergarteners tossing snot balls at each other #I fucking pay rent&taxes I work a 9 to 5 I'm married and I'm still capable to see and recognize that this is very much a real problem #but keep grumbling from the top of your mountain treating this like a non-issue I guess #it's not like websites keep pushing harsher and stricter censorship rules it's not like queer books keep being banned #let's pretend this is not an issue just to feel morally superior or some shit #nothing like getting HELLA PISSED OFF on the first of January amirite

[jamiesfootball]

Always lowkey simmering a Leverage AU in the back of my head hear me out:

Ted is an ex-insurance investigator who was able to get his son life-saving medical treatment because his first, original Crime Pal Beard was like ‘Ted if your company doesn’t come through with the coverage, we’re doing things my way.’

The company did not come through. The company did let him go due to suspicion of Ted’s involvement in the incident, but Ted will happily remind folks that no charges were formally pressed. Henry is alive and healthy and living with Michelle, who divorced Ted shortly thereafter (not just because of pre-existing marital problems, but because Ted wouldn’t tell her anything about why the doctors “””suddenly decided to do the procedure for free”””). Shortly thereafter, Ted fled the country.

What Ted learned from the whole experience is that there’s a lot of people out there, good people just trying to live by the rules, but sometimes things happen that are just out of their control. And well- if we’ve got the means to help the good people out when no one else will, then shouldn’t we try?

“We’ve got means,” Beard agrees. “And motives.”

They do things Beard’s way now.

#also Rebecca is a grifter who gave it up when she married into money and her name(s) echo mysteriously through the back alleys of London #“did you hear about this Secret Princess Lydia who went missing in the 90s?’ ‘yes Ted that was me’ #the woman is constantly dodging every half-told lie she made on a lark twenty years ago but she is amazing at keeping them straight #and Roy- Roy long ago took an injury that ended his career as a footballer before it started #and he fell into a bad spot as a hitter #and then he fell into a worse spot #and then he dug himself out for his neice that no one knows about (see: everyone knows about think mafia kid no one is allowed to touch her) #the problem now is he’s getting old #the hits hit harder and his speed isn’t what it used to be #(Roy Kent’s slow is still leagues beyond what these young wannabe punks can do these days) #keeley! she is a sneak thief. very charming. tiny. great with repelling down sides of buildings #loves money and shiny rocks and thinks Rebecca is the bee’s knees #and then there’s Jamie who is a 24 year old hacker with gaudy taste no knack for accents and a problem with authority #in this au him and ted have basically split Nate’s backstory #Ted’s dad took him to bars and taught him little tricks and mind games- nothing fancy just stuff an HR person might know #meanwhile Jamie’s dad took him to shady deals in bars because his dad was a fixer who’d put bad guys in touch with each other #jamie keeps a tracker running on his laptop with his dad’s whereabouts at all times #unfortunately he didn’t think that anyone else would bother looking for him- he’s not exactly a big time crook #but Ted and his crew have pissed off Rupert Mannion who is big time and who wants to hit back at Rebecca for making a fool of him #and Mannion’s people have identified that the way in to breaking their little crew is through Jamie #who’s name sounds so ridiculous people have assumed it was fake this whole time #anyways #thanks for reading #I will likely never write this but boy I have ideas 💡 #leverage au #ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #keeley jones #rebecca welton

[seariii]

My problem with the smash or pass game being held is *vaguely gestures at ace spectrum*

#the only that made it through was kotoko so what am i todo with the rest it feels unfair for me to vote #where i dont really think k shojld be voting #seari talks #ALSO THIS IS A PROBLEM I ALWAYS HAVE WITH THIS SORT OF GAMES #LIKE MARRY KILL FUCK??? THATS LIKE CAN WE CHANGE IT TO KISS?? #AND EVEN KISS I DONT WANNA KISS PEOPLE ON THE MOUTH??? #so yeah

[bbbrianjones]

ughh do like ???? my mum has been given at most two years to live and idk i don'teven like?????

#telling a bunch of random people on the internet abt my family problems but i need to tell someone otherwise i will BURST #im sure it is clear how close me and my mum are. she has done a lot for me. #it just hurts me that she will never see me get married or have children or other really big milestones. #that is the part that hurts the most #it just feels weird ?? like i think i'm still processing it.

[soldier-poet-king]

Will my suffering never cease

- went to good Friday evening service even tho it's not a day of obligation, didn't go yesterday evening to Maundy Thursday for a variety of reasons

- priest manages to fit homophobia and transphobia into his sermon. Not even gay marriage. Just unions, that let ppl share taxes and have hospital visiting rights. And big bad scary surgery. Like. Completely unrelated to the matter at hand. Says SO LITTLE abt the Passion, managed to talk for 10 minutes without really saying ANYTHING. Takes Pilate's 'what is truth' and instead of engaging in the long philosophical and theological discussion around that question, decides to use it as a rallying cry against wokeism and a godless progressive society.

- my two ex best friends were there. Ran into them. + One's husband, who I introduced her to a decade ago. Like I'm mostly over that, no longer shitty and resentful, fully know that it was partially my fault and born from my own terribleness at 19 and undiagnosed untreated mental illness. Still uhhh hurts tho??? As a reminder?

- music bad. Ok I'm petty. I'll give the trads (1) point. I don't like guitar mass. I will NOT agree with the trads in assigning moral weight to my aesthetic preference. It's simply a preference, which does not make any musical form inherently superior to the others. But the triduum really lends itself to Latin hymns and chants, in my heart. My other fave church music is traditional Black spirituals. I would greatly prefer either. But just. If it sounds like an acoustic version of a pop love song. I just. I can't. I KNOW I'm the weird about Jesus romantically girlie. But I am not vibin with this folks

Literally would have simply Walked Out. Hit da bricks during the homily. But was with my family so 1) cannot out myself 2) did not have house keys on me, so I was suck regardless

Anyway I said I wasn't going to do fun things today but I'm so upset and cranky and I did chores all day, I am going to catch up on dungeon meshi. Marcille is my best favourite cringefail girl I'm obsessed with her and surely the wlw neurotic fussy mage who loves her friends will not betray me like this

#the duality of fran #faith tag #also like #.highly unlikely that i was the only closeted queer person there #and obvs extra full of the triduum a lot of non regulars attending #so GLAD that they decided to make it such a lovely and welcoming environment for THE BIGGEST MOST SIGNIFICANT WEEKEND IN THE FAITH. #surely this will encourage people and make them feel welcome and loved and cared for #yes yes there's that flannery oconnor bit abt not judging priests harshly #but also. its one thing to have a bad homily #not discussing the philosophy of pilates question is fine. i get most ppl are not versed in greco roman thought #but the absolute just. whining reactionary social conservatism #ON GOOD FRIDAY??? #even going as far as to be like 'those few of us who keep the faith' #okay sir. this isnt some uwu im so special and faithful unlike all those abomination degenerate queers #gonna get gay married for tax purposes/green card out of spite #(green card both ways i can get u cad citizenship lmao) #remove my reproductive system. idgaf. uterus free to a good home. all it does is give me health problems anyway #tho that last one is less dysphoria and more just. it's a fuckin pain in my ass medically speaking #also the triduum is THEE celebration for the gay chrisitans. its john the beloved. its judas. its projecting for us ok

[performing-personhood]

I'm sitting here trying to sell off my pint glass collection, old beer shirts, and household items to make a couple hundred extra dollars.

I quit drinking in spring of this year, I told everyone it was because of my new antidepressant but it was also secretly about saving money on beer.

I cancelled all of my patreon pledges.

I've spent less than a hundred bucks on clothes this entire year.

I compulsively add coupons to my grocery store club card.

I limit my snack purchases to x1 $5 box of Little Debbies per grocery trip, and two twelve-racks of the cheapest sodas and seltzers that I can find per month.

I DO smoke cigarettes but I don't smoke at all during the daytime, and I go through maybe two packs per week.

Because I've been unemployed since my complete emotional breakdown in July of 2021 (and then remained unemployed because my widowed isolated father's cascading series of breakdowns in the time hence left me without the Spoons to process and move on from my failed 20-year career) I've gone out of my way to reduce my spending as much as possible to offset the income I'm not bringing in. I've made big changes to my lifestyle in the service of making ends meet.

Meanwhile, in the month of October alone, my (employed, breadwinner, half-pack-a-day smoker) partner spent $375 at various gas stations for beer and tobacco, and has made precisely zero changes to his lifestyle.

As the bill-paying half of the relationship, does anyone wanna tell me how the fuck I'm supposed to have this conversation? Ideally without my partner dissolving into a heap of familial-trauma-based insecurities and self-loathing??

#guess which one of us goes to therapy #hint #it isnt the cisman #shocking i know #fiscal issues #household finances #unemployed problems #married people problems #thanks inflation #imbalance #i am a little resentful #why are men

[jackysobsessions]

The two of them have the opportunity

#taylor swift #joe alwyn #paul mescal #normal people #connell waldron #slutty necklace #Connell waldron necklace #daisy edgar jones #eras tour #phoebe bridgers #After sun #the boys #matty healy #taylor and matty #taylor’s version #taylornation #i wouldn’t marry me either #champagne problems #headcanons #people pleaser #gorgeous taylor swift

[herotome]

hello :) i'm planning on making my own short visual novel and it got me thinking about the development stage of games i like! if it's okay, i wanted to ask how long has the herotome idea and its characters been floating around in your head, and what was the process of starting to turn it into reality? with my own projects i find i usually have a strong concept/feel/imagery that feels hard to pin down/expand upon and actually make practical haha. thank you!

Oh boy!! I love questions like this, but at the same time... my condolences lol, it's gonna be quite the hike

I first had the idea for Herotome back in... 2017. I guess 6 years ago now - and I've been working on it pretty much nonstop (aside from a... 1-2 year break back in 2018 or so).

I have tried to work with a lot of different team members who flaked, ghosted, fell through, or had some other manner of false start that ended up contributing very little to the game (but still cost me money ;;;)

I still had to keep going despite that.

I'd decided early on that I would be the "heart" of the game, and as long as I was still beating away, it didn't matter if other parts fell through. I would keep going.

I learned to write renpy code by myself, started doing all the writing by myself, did all the concept art...

Renpy code was the trickiest one - while it's not difficult to learn, it does take time to get familiar with if you've never coded before. I got code practice in with a game jam in 2019, wherein I made a short game and got to experiment more with variables and if/else conditions.

Ideas are very, very easy to have; my recommendation would be to start looking at your actual, practical skillsets - for example, if you enjoy writing, then start writing and keep at it! "Keeping at it" is perhaps the most challenging part, but I promise you it DOES start to take shape.

Alternatively, if you feel like you don't have any applicable skillsets (as most people do): start learning something. I had pretty much zero background in code, but I still did it myself because I had no one else to do it for me.

All this being said - you also need to have the determination to take breaks and not work yourself into burnout; because if you burnout real bad then the idea and the project dies. Might be resurrected if you're able to perk back up, but it's way, way better not to burnout in the first place.

Keep going in moderation. But keep going.

#herotome ask #I can go more into other aspects like... taking inspiration from outside media and researching story beats and such but I'll stop here for #now #I find that most people starting out will have problems with motivation #I certainly did!!!! I had many failed projects before Herotome #this was just the first idea I REALLY decided to absolutely commit to #I decided I would love and cherish and marry Herotome itself #and thats kept me going a great deal

[euseokz]

I feel like anyone upset over the boys being in happy healthy relationships just don’t get bitches

exactly !! just say you're bitchless and petty and move on like 😭 if anything i'm happy they're in relationships like why wouldn’t i be ?? people need to start remembering they don't own these idols in any capacity and they have the right to have their own private lives outside of work JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE !!

#! . . 📬 #☆ . . nonnies #oh my god i actually get so heated up over this topic and idk if its because i went into kpop when half the famous people i crushed on were #already married or had all at least had a partner at some point but i never understood the logic of fans having a problem with idols being #in relationships like #that's none of your businesses for christ's sake 😭😭 #as long as they do their jobs WHY DO YOU CARE

[mariathechosen1]

Was Anyone But You a good Much Ado About Nothing adaptation? No, not at all, but fuck it was fun!

#y’all know I have many thoughts about this play and these characters #but even though the movie didn’t completely live up to my expectations as an adaptation #I still really enjoyed it! #and I really despise all those people making posts about how sydney sweeney can’t act #idk it seems a little rude #my main problem is how they messed up the benedick and beatrice characterization and dynamic #I love that they played up the ex lovers thing (which is left up to interpretation in the play) #and i love love queer Hero and Claudio!!! #but their hatred of each other didn’t really pack the same punch as in the original #I suppose I wish they weren’t afraid to make the characters bigger assholes? #ya know- give them more flaws? #because right now the enemies part doesn’t really feel believable for big parts of the movie #They really could have leaned more into making Bea a bit of a cold and snappy mess (as she is in the original) #and Ben more of…ya know…actual human disaster who can’t commit #both of their characters in the play are driven by their desire never to marry and their distrust for the opposite sex #They included this a bit with Bea (her not believing in true love and all that) #but her break up with Jonathan (because he was too nice???) didn’t really convince me of it #They also keep insisting that Ben is a fuckboy but we never really see it demonstrated? #I personally don’t mind the fact that they changed up the whole ‘convincing them that the other secretly loves them’ bit #especially considering this is only loosely based on much ado #but I do think they made it a bit messy considering they included the gulling scenes but only as a joke #I wish they’d either leaned fully into the much ado plot or ditched it #I think what a lot of adaptations get wrong is that they’re either too afraid of leaning into their og media #or too afraid of seperating themselves from the og media #oh god I’ve reached the tag limit help #anyways- rant over #anyone but you #maria talks about things #much ado about nothing #beatrice x benedick

[purplethespian]

Waiting for Permission to Be Sick - Input Requested!

So, I got officially diagnosed with two chronic conditions last week. And the doctor explained to me the details of how these conditions affect my body, and what kinds of symptoms to look out for, and what I can expect life to look like going forward. And I got prescribed meds, and given detailed instructions for when to take them and any side effects I might experience and what to do to help myself feel better if I'm not feeling well, and all of that.

And I just. Haven't done it. I've started taking some of the meds, but not all of them, and like. There's no real reason for me not to? I'm just. Not doing it. Like I've looked up some products on Etsy to have like. Emergency medical info with me so that if I randomly black out or faint again in public, someone could see me and have info know what to do. And I've been looking at pins that say "I have an invisible disability" and aaaaaaaall sorts of stuff. Basically just window shopping for my chronic illness starter kit. But it's been over a week now and I haven't bought anything, and I seem to have convinced myself that I can't start taking my meds until I have all of my Items sorted out and prepared. And like -- there are some actual reasons for this, such as my schedule has been all over the place and my meds need to be taken at multiple times a day at certain intervals, and some with food and some without food, so I need to be able to have that stuff ready to go even when I'm out and about.

But I'm not. Actually doing the work to get everything sorted out and ready? I'm just window shopping. And today, I have been very tired all day because of the rain and because I did too much yesterday, and my head has been hurting because I'm still not over my concussion and I also probably did too much today, even though honestly all I did was go to one class and observe the whole time, and read a couple of emails. And I thought to myself, "well I guess I should take tylenol for my head, and I guess I can give myself permission to do that since my boyfriend is busy and can't tell me to take care of myself --- oh."

I have been waiting for someone to give me permission to identify as chronically ill! Even today I was like "I feel like I've managed to convince myself that I feel worse than I actually do, and I'm actually fine." Even though there would be no real reason for me to be doing that. And like. My head actually hurts! I really did and still do feel tired! And I've seen my test results, and I know that I have a chronic condition. It's been medically confirmed by a bunch of different tests, and multiple medical professionals have been like "yep you've got something wrong with you" (though using more professional and kind words, of course). All of this to say -- I have been waiting for someone to tell me that I am ill and it is chronic and that it is okay to spend money on taking care of myself and things that will make me feel better, even if it is only temporary like the excitement of buying a new pouch that says "This Bag Is Full of Drugs" specifically to keep my medical supplies in, or something to help keep me safe going forward like a medical alert key chain. The only question now is -- what do I do about this? How do I give myself permission to need help or extra accommodations or even just some medication when I never want to admit that I need or want help? I'm so used to being self-sufficient and doing everything by myself that I don't know how to be okay with more problems.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? What do you do? How do you learn to be okay with the fact that your body is not going to go back to the way it was before? I am only 22 and it's hard to accept that my life is not going to look the way I pictured it when I was 18.

#this post got a lot longer than i meant it to but it sort of turned into journaling halfway through #hopefully people still read it? #hopefully it was not too long to be worth reading? #it's just hard because like. i Already have dealt with a lot of problems in my life #and the whole reason i've been trying so hard to avoid getting covid and getting sick in general #among other reasons #is that i already have Ailments and i don't want more meds to worry about and things that have to be on my radar #and now with this diagnosis it's like yeah i have confirmation so at least the waiting to know is off my radar #but now i have more meds to worry about and more Scheduling that has to be done #plus i've already been pill shamed in the past by my older sister just for taking adhd meds #i don't want to get more shit from her for this #idk dude #just a lot on my plate and now there's more and it makes everything more complicated and harder #at least my boyfriend has been amazing though #he has been so supportive through everything and like he still wants to marry me and everything and it just feels really good #to have his support like that #i know people make jokes about someone talking about their partner and it's just their boyfriend matt #but my boyfriend matt really is my partner in everything and i love him #go matt #everyone applaud for matt #if you read this far into the tags i think you should get a cookie #and i hope you had/have a good day today #also though matt was like 'maybe you should get a cane for times when you have to stand up for a long time' and #idk if i'm ready for that #or if it's even necessary #idk #lots of things #too many things even #i'm tired of there being things #ALSO if anyone read this far and has any product recommendations that made their life easier please lmk

[nostalgia-tblr]

I feel like the "put Minor X/Y in the additional tags to avoid relationship tag clutter with side-pairings" isn't a great solution for a number of reasons, even though I am doing my best to switch to that when tagging.

How minor is minor? If it's not in the story as such but it's important for the character's motivations, for instance? I feel like a lot of people will interpret this as "the pairing is mentioned in passing" but between that and "this is the main pairing" lies many many options.

Nobody's going to filter for this sort of tag which will put people off using it, and while I am told this The Correct Way To Tag it's not common enough that people will know to filter it out.

Some people just don't read Additional Tags. This is their mistake/problem but since the purpose of this method of tagging pairings is only to help people avoid them (see above re nobody using this to find fics) it's more likely I'll get offended OTPers this way.

No but really what are we counting as minor? This is worth repeating.

My limited experience with this method has found that it's trickier for me to check my own Works to see how often I've written this or that pairing. AO3 filtering is AND not OR, so I can't bring up "X/Y, or any time I've put X/Y in Additional Tags in case there's not enough of it in the story to satisfy anyone looking for that pairing and only that pairing." This is a minor me-problem but it still puts me off a bit.

I don't have a better option though, so whatever I suppose🤷‍♀️It largely comes down to the issue of "am I tagging for people to find or for people to exclude?" that exists in theory for every tag but is mostly only a problem/dilemma when it comes to pairings.

#ao3 #you can have one pairing and tag that correctly and STILL have angry readers because X and Y don't end up together at the end #which okay i see your problem there but how else is the author supposed to tag the story? #“just use more tags to clarify” some people get mad if you use more than half a dozen tags and there IS a limited number you can use #and as mentioned some people just dont read them anyway #and i KNOW some people are just so picky about ships as to be antisocial in this context but i still have to deal with them somehow #i have one fic that COULD be tagged “minor Sylvie/Thor” but they are MARRIED and it's part of the plot so like... I AM DILEMMA'D HERE