Mon Horloge
It was 11:52pm when he started praying.
“Aphrodite,” Cogsworth pleaded to the moon hung high in the night sky, “tell me, I beg of you, if love is meant to heal, then why does it destroy those who chose it?”
Cogsworth rested his head against the cold granite wall; the palace balconies were his favourite place to hide. All Cogsworth did was hide.
It made no sense, not really, how life was easier as a clock than as a man. He could love so freely, he could love…no. He could not think of him.
From somewhere beyond the stars, Cogsworth swore he heard the goddess laugh and he knew.
Perhaps one day they could be more than fleeting glances, fleeting touches and fleeting whispers.
Before the spell had broken, perhaps, they would have been. But now?
Cogsworth knew better than to hope.
“Mon horloge?”
The grandfather clock from somewhere deep inside struck midnight.
“Leave Lumiere.” Cogsworth hadn’t meant it to sound so harsh.
“What has you wound so tightly?” Lumiere mocked, stretching out opposite Cogsworth - like a cat in the afternoon sun.
“Enough with the clock jokes.” Cogsworth ran a hand through his hair. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”
“You’re not.”
“Prince Adam asked me to be here.”
“Such a rule follower, mon horloge.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Lumiere grinned, “why not, mon horloge?”
“Enough Lumiere.” Cogsworth’s fingernails dug into his palms. He couldn’t do this, not now. Not with him.
“So boring, mo-”
“Stop Lumiere.”
“Or what?” Lumiere sat up, staring Cogsworth in the eyes. He loved those eyes. “What are you going to do? Tell on me?”
“I said stop it, Lu!”
A loud, longing-filled silence hung in the air. Cogsworth thought he saw the stars wink.
“What did you just call me?”
Cogsworth felt his face warm, “Just leave me-”
“I liked it.”
“This isn’t a game,” Cogsworth warned, “I won’t let you act like it is.”
“What isn’t?”
“You know what.” He refused to look at Lumiere, choosing to watch the sky instead.
Lumiere dragged his index finger down from Cogsworth’s cheek to his chin. His touch lingered, causing Cogsworth’s heart to race, before tilting his face to look at him.
“Why can’t it be a game? Is that not all love is?”
Love. Cogsworth allowed himself to dream, just for one second.
“Hush. You cannot say things like that, it’s not allowed.”
“Says who, Cogsworth? Who cares what the rest of France believes - hell, the rest of the world. Break the rules for once.”
“I can’t, Lu, I just…oh mon Dieu.” How was Cogsworth supposed to explain it to someone like Lumiere? Lumiere was a free spirit, he was not confined by space or time. He did what he wanted when he wanted and Cogsworth, Cogsworth would watch and dream.
“You would spend your life loving from a distance? I am not a candle any longer, mon horloge, you shan’t be burned if you move closer.”
Cogsworth was not sure why he did it, perhaps Lumiere was a bad influence. Perhaps Cogsworth was tired of doing what was expected of him. Perhaps Aphrodite had finally allowed it to be their turn. Face glowing in the moonlight, Cogsworth moved towards Lumiere. He moved closer and closer until their faces were inches apart.
“I think…I think I love you.” A lone tear trailed down Cogsworth’s cheek; it hurt him to admit it. He wished it didn’t.
Lumiere wiped away the tear, leaning his forehead against Cogsworth’s.
“It’s okay,” he whispered.
It’s not, Cogsworth wanted to say, but he was torn. He could not help who he loved even if his brain was shouting it was wrong, that he should find some woman in Paris and marry her. But that was not what he wanted, no matter how much he wished he did.
It’s okay to love a man. It’s okay to love me. We are allowed to love each other, mon horloge.”
It was 12:30am when Aphrodite began to smile.
It was 12:30am when Cogsworth took Lumiere’s face in his hands and pressed his lips against his.
A/N: I wrote this when I was fourteen years old and very confused about my own sexuality. I also promised a certain best friend that I'd let her read it for her birthday so happy late birthday @sackofpissandshit
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Ch 14- If I Can't Love Her
The castle seemed ever so much brighter since Belle had arrived. It had only been about a month, but every stirring creature seemed filled with a new wave of hope with each passing day. Unbeknownst to their new guest, every dawn was another day closer to freedom.
To Beast, every dawn was another day wasted. Another petal could fall at any moment- they had so little time left. He could feel his humanity slipping away with each day that passed. His mornings were hazy, as he had to forcibly remind himself of who he was. Stomach would growl with the angriest hunger. His mind filled with the objective to feed, to hunt, to stalk in the darkness of the unfamiliar castle. It was if he was seeing it with fresh eyes each day, until he'd remember.
On this particular day, it took a bit longer to refresh himself, find a fresh(er) set of clothes, and stand upright. This was worrisome, as he'd managed to keep this effect of the curse to himself, but he knew there would be a day when there would be no humanity left inside him.
What am I becoming? He thought.
As Beast made his way toward the door, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in a smashed mirror on the wall. He usually avoided such things, but now that he'd seen it, he couldn't look away. It had been some time since he really took a look at himself, at the gruesome body he inhabited.
Typically, he harbored a violent anger for himself that often lashed out and matched his monstrous form. But now, he was only filled with despair, a loneliness, a hopelessness of ever winning Belle's affection. In the shattered glass, he saw himself for what he truly was; only pieces of the man he used to be.
How could she ever love a hideous creature like me?
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Belle, on the other hand, adored mornings.
In the village, she typically would wake early to finish her chores on the farm. She'd feed the chickens, the horses, the sheep, fix breakfast for her and her father, then head to town to gather supplies, and a new book (or two) to read throughout the day. Once she was home, especially in the springtime, she'd curl up in the stables and read aloud to the animals.
In the castle, however, there weren't any animals to read to. At least, none that were willing.
Belle thought it strange that even the forest birds didn't fly near the castle. She'd watched the gardens from her suite window, and hadn't spotted a single wild animal since her arrival. Not even a singular mouse could be found in the castle. It was odd.
She didn't have many books in her bedroom to sort through, either. There were a few empty journals, along with some informational collections of foreign flora and fauna in a language she couldn't read. None of which were particularly captivating to her, though she attempted to read them nonetheless.
Dissatisfied with her reading selection, Belle decided that now was a good time to snoop through the chest at the end of her bed. Once she opened it, she was greeted by an array of dresses, perfumes, and other personal items. Everything was incredibly luxurious. From the gowns laced in gold, to the velvet boxes containing jewels and other treasures. But the best find of all was a leather-bound diary, wrapped in swirls of glittering gold detailing, sealed with a dainty lock on the outside.
The lock was unusual, as it wasn't sealed by a key, but by a carefully crafted indent of what she could only assume was a pendant of some sort. It looked similar to hearts, unfolded into four parts, much like a clover of four leaves.
Belle rushed to the writing desk along the wall. She'd seen something of that shape before. Though it wasn't a clover, but the charm of a heart-shaped locket, that unfolded into four parts.
Hands shaking with the excitement of something new to pour into, she quickly unfolded the locket and matched the shape to the one on the diary. Like magic, the lock clicked, and the side of the diary opened. Unlike most things in the castle, it wasn't made from magic, only creative engineering. And Belle was more than satisfied by her discovery.
Opening the first page, her eyes widened at what she'd found. In her hands was the personal diary of the late Queen, the prior resident of the East Wing.
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The Beast wandered through his castle, reminding himself of where he was, who he was, and tried to ignore the soft scurrying of invisible servants as they fled the areas in which he wandered.
It was normal for laughter and light to die once he entered a room, but he could feel the judging stares as the paintings and fixed gargoyles watched and surveyed his every move. Beast was almost insecure of it. Could they tell he was deteriorating more and more each day? Did they know?
Perhaps a meal will fix this feeling, he thought, as he headed toward the main dining room. To his delight, and expectation, lunch was already being prepared, and right on cue, an array of servants appeared to give him the latest on what was happening around the castle.
"Ah, your majesty!" Lumiere said gleefully as he waltzed across the room. "How wonderful to see you out and about! Your meal is being prepared as we speak and should be out shortly."
The man of wax surveyed the room. "Will...any other guests be joining you this afternoon?" He asked, meaning Belle of course.
Beast huffed. "Not to my knowledge."
"She seems to be settling in nicely! Madame Delile has decided on designing an entire new wardrobe, just for her. The girl insisted on 'nothing too fancy', however I doubt Madame will give her anything plain."
"Has she..." Beast hesitated. "Has she asked anything about me? Or the spell?"
Lumiere thought for a moment, and tapped his bronze foot as he did so. "No..." He responded in a sing-song voice. "But she did ask about the royal archives. Is there any chance that-"
"No. Absolutely not." Beast spoke with a gruff in his voice, and a low and defensive growl echoing from his chest.
An air of silence stood between them. They both knew what a risk it was, for if Belle were to dig too far into the castle's past, she may discover something she wouldn't want to find. On top of this, Beast was adamant about keeping his identity from her. On one hand, it was best she didn't get her hopes up of him being a prince and whatnot. But on the other hand, he didn't identify as his princely self anymore. The prince, in his mind, was dead. All that was left is the monster, the Beast he was.
After the moment of silence passed, Lumiere spoke with a quiet voice.
"Do you think she's the one?"
Beast sighed and his defensive demeanor changed to one of sorrow as he turned away from his confidante.
"Don't you get it Lumiere? There is no 'one'. That's the trick of this curse." He nervously rubbed his thumb against his forefinger, carefully watching his claw scrape his skin. "No one could ever love a thing like me."
The bronze-clad man's wicks began to dim as the fire that lit his candles faded out. The Prince was more than just his employer, as he considered themselves friends, family even. Lumiere had seen the horrors The King had put The Prince and his mother through, and had ever so slightly tried to guide him toward a kinder path as The Prince grew into adulthood.
He'd always wanted more for The Prince, and half blamed himself for the cruel behavior he had displayed so many years ago. Like an uncle who had failed to raise a nephew, Lumiere watched The Beast that stood before him crumble into the boy he once knew, and ached for the pain he must've felt.
The hope for Belle and Beast to fall in love wasn't for his own salvation, but for The Prince to find love and redemption. To show that people could change, and learn, and grow.
"My prince," He said, treading lightly on the title. "You must try. She is kind and caring. She is just as fair in her heart as she is on the outside. And you must show her the kind gentleman I know you to be."
"But I'm not-"
Lumiere cut him off as he began his rebuttal. "If not for yourself, then for the rest of us."
Beast shook his head and turned back around to meet the waxy gaze of his mentor.
"Fine." He sighed. "Where do I start?"
With a smile, Lumiere lit his flames once more.
"That's more like it!"
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