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talesofateenagedramaqueen · 1 month

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dearest diary,

today is starting off strong- lingering dreams and matching horoscopes and tarot readings, plans with friends and full body anxiety.

letting your mother talk to lawyers for you is definitely a cowards way out, the action of a youngest child who needs to grow tf up, but its easy to do bad things when you hate yourself alr-

OH. THATS THE POINT OF BOJACK HORSEMAN.

great show but its a horrible sign that I relate most to the fucking horse. if I were a man...well, thank the universe for that one small concession. im annoying enough as a woman, id be utterly insufferable (and even more off putting) as a man living rent free in- okay okay. im a mess. this is well established. there is no magic cure that's going to fix my shit by tomorrow. there's nothing I can do to erase the past few years of drowning in my own depression. the past few critical years where I was unable to hold it together or to even move forward. dammit, the teachers were right. though, given my...everything. personality, upbringing, mental illnesses plural, I think it might have always ended up this way. and there's no point on lingering on everything I have down wrong ever because there's so much of it jfc please don't cue the war flashbacks now. at 25 years old I must start from scratch except I was handed one of those shitty whiteboards that are never 100% clean. or, I guess this metaphor works better if im the one who waited too long and all the good white boards were taken first.

well, I overthink things and never take action (classic infp amiright?) but I also have adhd so sometimes im also impulsive. and im not patholgizing myself, truly im not, its just that I do weird things and its comforting to know that there's a reason why I am the way that I am. everyone else gets to go along life knowing why they do things that they do because their minds are so straightforward, even when they're overwhelmed by emotion they know which emotion it is that they're feeling. and we're all humans who act irrationally at times and have moments of "why did I do that" but not everyone is like " I don't understand why I can't just be normal."

anyways I think if I just stopped overthinking things but also spent more time in my own body it would, and I quote, "fix all my shit okay, maybe not all my shit, but definitely more." slow down, think, act.

right now I am forced to lean on my parents. I feel guilty that they're doing me a huge favor, but a more productive use of that emotion is showing my gratefulness. getting a job and helping them around the house, having a more normal sleep schedule, and taking a more active role with the gremlins will show how thankful I am. I need to prioritize getting a job and getting into a groove with cleaning. hoarder mess is theirs to deal with, everyday cleaning tasks I can help with. to work off my frustration, im going to start taking walks on the trail.

eat healthier. no diets cause they drive me insane.

look into hormone supplements specifically for PCOS, and make sure to actually take my thyroid meds.

its not all or nothing. no more procrastinating. a little bit each day.

I gotta like, romanticize my life though, or else its just not as fun. or worth it? I don't want to just go through the motions and I need to find motivation from something, somewhere.

"all that is done in love is done well" okay Vincent go off. when you're a mentally ill piece of shit I think doing things with love is the only thing you can do right. no, thats not it. sometimes all you can do is sit back and realize, there's no point in doing things out of hatred- no, thats not the point either. ah, well. its still a good motto to have.

I lost large chunks of myself haven't I? the passion, the interests, trying to cater towards everyone else but then being led by my own anger and darkness. but I've always admired the weirdos and the eccentrics, and especially the free spirits. I've seen the dark sides of everything I have loved, but its like yin and yang yeah? just because there's some darkness doesn't mean the whole thing is horrible now. there's still things left to love about it. im not going to find the perfect solution, god knows im going to make a million more mistakes, but=im gonna try harder. im going to do things out of love again. fuck toxic positivity though. lets bring emotions back! stop rationalizing everything! feel what you feel THEN make decisions about it. I need a little more optimism in my life, but I don't wanna fake it either. not everything has to be a big deal;!

todays goals are to get my clearances set up (for the most part). the room to clean of the day is the bathroom. the fun bits are going to be...creating a capsule wardrobe for work. I need ballet flats-wide-for interviews. but first, food for fuel.

this journey is going to kick me in my ass, but its been kicking me in the face the whole time so if you think about it, this is a vast improvement. and fuck! I really don't wanna fucking do this! I wish I didn't have to!! but it's all going to work out all right in the end so help me god-or-whoerver-pr-whatever-is-in-charge-if- anything-at-all.

*cue better son/daughter playing in the background*

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hegglespeggles · 4 years

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How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.

FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1. Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2. Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

3. Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

4. MATH THE SECOND

The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5. CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

6. Filling in the skeleton

I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a) You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

b) You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7. Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

8. Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

9. Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

10. Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps.

#mine #my stuff #studyblr #essaywriting #musicblr #game of thrones #study motivation #study #academic

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gg-astrology · 5 years

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How would a retrograde Mars in libra show itself? Its in my 6th house conjunct the descendant. I love the libra💕🍃⚖️ but i get confused about putting all these things together and how they add up. Oh its also opp my jupiter and trine my moon but its oke if you only answer the retr mars libraヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ" thank you in advance you’re the best🍋🥥 byeeeeee

Hey there! ❤️ Ooof thank u so much!! ❤️ This will be a little long ;u; I’m touching on the Libra Mars stuff but I hope this helps you out somehow ❤️❤️

🚫long post 🚫

Mars in Libra (rx) ⬇️

Ooooooooh, same as James Charles!! ( And prince William as well kjnkjkjjdnskjnk) – sorry that was the first thing that came to mind!! ;; Libra mars been coming up on my radar a lot lately?? idk why, but there’s been talks on astro twt about libra mars in bad positions as of late ;; – anyways, I hope you’re doing well hhhHH ❤️

Condition of Mars in Libra

Let’s start off with addressing the base-line of things. The condition of Mars in Libra.

I’m sure you might know this already but the planet’s will (what Mars want/why it’s there) and sign’s conditions misalign somewhat, with Libra being the domicile in Venus whilst Mars is more happily aligned with Aries. This makes the planet’s expression stifled/different from achieving it’s goals (it’s just– y know, working with someone you get along with versus someone you may not understand, it’s normal to have those)

It still– y know, go for it and stuff. But understanding that a detriment planet isn’t the same as a domicile/exalted planet makes assuming that everyone’s expression is the same as yours something to look out for.

A lot of the time, we just think we’re a little different. We don’t tend to notice the flags of our behaviors (until it’s too late) –what others are saying/warning us about or being unnerved by – so it’s good to be aware of that and moving forward in adapting healthier mechanism/working to constantly grow as well ❤️

Mars in Libra

Mars in Libra is kinda like – imagine Mars, bad boy trope stomping into an unexpected ball-room ceremony held by Libra. Mars is unexpectedly stifled, trying to ‘fit’ into the Libra’s atmosphere. Mars– completely out of place, bearing with it for Libra’s sake.

All the while being aware of how-to-be-polite and careful around others, all these Libra richies are judging them and their every word (already judging their demeanor). Trying not to show it’s weakness and feeling more and more paranoid/frustrated as time goes on.

With Mars in Libra – the natives learn how to adapt and use the will of the planet under the guise of the sign. So in this case – Mars learn the strategies and counter-attacks as a vehicle for it’s goals. It doesn’t like war, but it learns to use it in order to achieve it’s peace. Learns to assert while being passive, learn to use pleasantries, deception, persuasion and manipulation for an end-result that matters/meaningful to them. It calculate, judges, weighs the consequences and actions and justify it’s means.

Mars in Libra knows it’s not just fighting for itself– but for others involved as well, the consequences of their action or lack of action weighs down on them– sometimes decisions are harder to make, because they ultimately want to be ‘sure’ of the consequences– what each stages/steps entails before making a move on something.

Hallmark Traits

Mars in Libra can ultimately strive for balance– rather than harmony or peace, it can offend or create chaos in order to achieve it’s goals because of this as well (as a result of it’s goal). This desire for balance which is it’s base instinct – can often blindside the Libra Mars into it’s detrimental position and enhance some of it’s negative forward more often too.

Either for the self or for others– they can sometimes strongly negate or look away from situations that they have caused, justifying their own means and methods– whilst trying to fight for the ‘right’ of something without fully negotiating peace or harmony with others because of it (the will of Mars remember) – in the minds of Libra Mars– they would often push the field into being on the verbal or intellectual side rather than anything else. Lure the enemy into their terrain, or make sure there’s an ‘out’ somehow in order to escape if things go south.

Mars in a position of Libra – often negate out-right warfare unless they can win /achieve something out of it. The Libra waits for the enemies to come– and even then, it’s innocent facade helps it push it’s agenda forward whilst knowing it holds the power in the situation (no matter what the other side thinks/knows/is aware of it or not). It doesn’t have to be as ?? whatever this sounds like – it’s just how it works. Procrastination is also a thing with Libra Mars– as they often would rather lie in wait (again, waiting for the terrain to be in their favour) than actually go out, dominate, and lose the war.

Mars in Libra has strategies, and often time it also translates to obsessive quality to it’s creation, product, conditions. Thrust and parries in fencing is not the same as swinging a sword around in battles. Often, they can be their own worst enemies– as they sabotage themselves, by either waiting too long or not knowing how to confront properly before it’s too late.

With a strong need to come out winning– sometimes they act (or lack of action is) to the detriment of themselves. The obsessive need/desire for balance overwhelms their structure, and thus sometimes– confidence wanes and fails. Insecurity arises, and the Libra chooses to look away from it’s problems in order to wait and rationalize– see it’s options and opportunities to come again.

Mars in rx

With Mars in retrograde comes important lessons that we have to look at and solve within ourselves. Our expression of Mar’s will and power – it’s strength, assertiveness and confrontational abilities becomes valuable lessons we should focus on and learn to incorporate (over and over again).

Competitiveness shakes and wanes under the rx– we self-preserve in order to maintain or build up our ‘confidence’. Trying to mask it’s facade. This also makes the use of deception ( ‘im not competitive or confrontational’ ) to compensate/visage, we struggle to bring our natural (healthy) competitiveness back to it’s level (actually acknowledge ways we can be peaceful and direct at the same time)

The rx can sometimes signify karmic challenges we’ll have to go through – with Mars in rx position, we are tasked with learning how to either 1. not throw diplomacy away and go full out war or 2. be so stagnant, gave up, look away from warfare/trying to advance completely as well (would rather remain passive than ‘waste’ resources, lives, energy, time, others)

The latter point may be more natural– remember that it is about winning, but if the motivation/fear is overwhelming or ‘lost’ – then there’s no ‘reason’ for Libra to feel like it should continue fighting.

Inner self-awareness and motivation to it’s strength, as well as direct, goals, ambitions helps the cardinal air sign progresses (to an extent). If looking out for the self means sacrificing others (expectations/reliance on them) or if sacrificing others means saving the self (at what cost) – the two aspects (self - others) misaligning can cause turmoil, as well as stagnancy if it’s not something the Libra can ‘carry’ going forward ( self pressure + people’s pressure pressing down on them)

The Mars in Libra rx can have really stubborn resolutions, which is the majority of why it’s so hard for them to bounce back from things sometimes. When they are uncompromising, attached and obsessed with a certain idea themselves– it’s near impossible for anyone to change their mind/thoughts without enabling their self-destruction further.

The Libra goes back to their old battles, resisting the idea of it being a lost-cause and trying to find resolutions that would satisfy it’s desire for balance, victory and righteousness. Evading and non-confrontational tactics may become more asserted (once they find a motivation/direction) – deflection and defensive may be pulled up more. The Mars in Libra rx – creates a dynamic where ‘strategies’ become the determining factors in how they handle situations. And the desire to have balance/win it.

Mars in Libra has it’s own ways of handling things– and whilst the position itself is detrimental (just like Taurus or Cancer who falls in Mars) – the best way to help the Libra out is to acknowledge, focus and concentrate on the lessons it has to learn.

It’s like this with other retrograde positions as well, being self-aware and re-working the inner self is something that can help see how/why we’re different from others.

I know it probably sounds like I went a little hard on Libra detriments here – but I hope you can see how it’s strength shines through even when we talk about the challenges we’re supposed to look at.

Libra Mars definitely has it’s own character and traits that are very useful, so I hope this answer shows how it manifests and clears up somethings for you!! ❤️

OH and if you want to hear more about Libra Mars rx - Aries Jupiter opposition (in relation to James Charles)-- this astrologer on yt puts it in a pretty straight-forward way, what’s happening right now ❤️❤️

#astrology asks #libra #libra mars #mars in libra #mars #rx #libra mars in rx #mars in rx #mars rx #libra mars rx #anon #asks #long post

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k-bloggs · 6 years

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Have an embarrassing read at something i tried to write a couple years ago. back when i was happy lol

My First Blog. – 20/11/16

Okay, so here goes. This is my first ever attempt at anything like this really. I have written before in many different formats and styles but I don’t know what’s come over me lately but I feel inspired to write again and I know as well as anyone else this isn’t a typical feeling that comes along every so often so by fuck I am gonna’ grab it and take a chance and see where I end up. I literally just unlocked and locked my phone again there because I’m trying to have a proper focused dedicated mind to attempting this. I’m not even too sure what I’m supposed to do in a blog, what even is a blog? I don’t know but I know that I’ve wanted to start making a journal of things that are going on in my life but due the fact I am extremely lazy this may be very seldom so the next update could be quite a while so don’t expect anything too frequent.

Like I said I’m not even too sure what I am meant to be doing or how I am even meant to go about it, I am a firm believer in the fact that writing doesn’t have to be performed or practised in any particular way. That there is essentially no wrong or right way in how it is carried out or laid out, but I feel like I just want to do something a bit more productive with my life from now on. A long childhood friend has recently started doing animations and making his own videos and uploading them to YouTube and to be quite honest they are great, its so great to see something like that, the thing about Ryan Is that our friendship took a bit of a standstill when we were kids must have been between the ages of 8 and 10 at least. Ryan and his family were emigrating to New Zealand and as a kid yeah you see this as a big thing but you don’t realise the likelihood of seeing them as often is completely and utterly abolished due to the fact you have no idea how much it would cost to fly out there. Ryan must be around 18 or 19 now and I just turned 20 there this year, and its great to see we still have so much in common, to just spit it out and be clear after seeing that this is what he into it kind of inspired me to get back to what I love doing. I love writing. I’m not so much of a reader which is the weird thing, again all down to my laziness, if a book doesn’t get my attention within the first paragraph or so I find it very hard to stick with it or even go back to it if I do manage to finish a chapter. The same applies for the likes of articles and campaigns and any form of literature really. But I thought hey you know what it’s about time I started doing what I love and even more its about time I start love what im doing.

Just to be clear, this year has probably been one of the biggest milestones of my life. I finally did it, I finally got a girlfriend. Fuck. It’s still weird even saying that, so yeah I will leave the ultimate love story of the century to maybe the next blog or edition whatever the fuck you want to call this. This is mainly just for me to get to grips with the style that im going to write in, if I do choose to carry on with this (Which I feel like I will). If anyone reads this yeah, awesome im happy someone out there is reading my stuff but to be honest this if for me as much as it is for anyone else out there. I want to see what I can do and if this really is the best time to get back into writing, basically one side of me is saying yeah what the hell go for it you need something like this but at the same time as there always is, the polar opposite emotion of just fear I guess? Not wanting to pick something up again only to go off my track record and drop this 5 minutes later like I do with everything else? But hey its 7.15pm on a frosty Sunday night in November, what else am I going to do? Sit, procrastinate and wish I had of done something useful.

Not that im going off track because essentially there isn’t much to this article its just me spamming a lot of stuff down so who ever reads this can kind of of get a grip of where I am right now in life and basically why I’m doing this. So here goes, I dropped out of college for last week. For the second time…

Yeah im officially a two time college dropout, nothing t be proud of I assure you, but im just waiting for the opening credits to roll ad realise im in the first scene of a really shitty coming of age movie where im the older brother your parents don’t want you to turn out like.

But yeah, I left school at 16 and went to a technical college, basically an establishment which offers a-levels to people who didn’t get back into school or else didn’t want to go back to school. I studied a 2 year course in creative media production and honestly it was awesome, it was so fucking cool and the course didn’t have that many uninteresting or boring areas, but yeah you guessed it I was lazy didn’t do any of the work and just took advantage of the whole independent learning aspect of it and never bother showing up for class plus a whole pile of other steamy shit went on that year that we are just not gonna discuss at this moment in time. But coming towards the end of the second year when the course was gonna finish and In a couple months after that I would figure out if I got the grades to get into the uni of my choice I asked my teachers if they would be wiling to let me come back and repeat the second year of the course. They were more than happy to, they gave me exactly what I needed, a fresh slate and a chance to correct myself, and you know what happened? Yeah your right I totally blew it and fucked up again just hated the thought of working or studing in media for any longer. Like I loved making short films and writing screenplays and everything I even liked some of the assignments but basically I had it in my head I didn’t want a career from this anymore due to the fact it was something I loved so much and it was basically kicking my ass all day, all fucking week long. The only thing that got me through that repeated year of college was the girl of my dreams and we weren’t even going out yet. But as said before there is more to come with her, she deserves the whole word so the least I can do is dedicate one sole piece of writing to me and her and our story, truth is there are not enough words in the world to even begin to describe who she is and how she thinks and works and even jus to describe how she came into my life, yes a combination of letters on a page or screen may work for some people but no, not for her. This girl is a queen from another realm, she is a princess from a faraway kingdom, she is an angel from heavens further and beyond the highest clouds. She is the love of my life and that is the only way to explain her and who she is. But getting back to the educational fuck ups In my life, here goes the explanation to how I arrived here, 5 days after dropping out of another course. This time I was studying IT, you know trying to go down that route of career, thinking of my future and what not? Yeah that didn’t go to plan either, I basically rejected a full time promotion on good money and I hadn’t regretted anything as much in my life. Basically college was another fuck up and let’s just say I managed to get out and finished a bit earlier this time rather than waste my own time and anyone else’s. Plus, if I carried on with these next two years that would 5 years of studying A-levels just for me to be a whining little bitch about how I didn’t want to go to university. I am just at the stage of my life now, not where I am considering moving out and settling down but some things don’t appeal to me the same as they used to. Going to uni and living and experiencing that independence in life and finding a career path and devoting the rest of my life to something I may not even be happy at? Na, no thanks not for me. Not at this moment in time anyway. For right now I’m happy enough to keep my eyes and ears open for what all jobs are available for me and what foot to put next in front of me. Get a couple extra pounds in my pay check each fortnight and you know that might do for year or so. Maybe get back on the studying boat in a year or two and carry on with the IT. That is, you know if I don’t become like a stereotypical copy of a character you would expect to see in a ‘Community’ reboot.

I was watching a clip of Jim Carey giving a speech a couple of days ago and basically what I got from it was that he had returned to his old school or college or university or whatever in order to give a commencement speech or he was receiving his award or something anyway not really vitally important. What is important is what he said in his speech, basically his message he was getting across as in most motivational speeches, is the reinforcement of using fear to help you rather than to put you off, accepting fear and accepting that no matter what you will fail, but that’s okay and if it wasn’t for the fact that accepting it you wouldn’t have the drive to reach for greatness like so many greats have done before you, whether they have made it to great fame and fortune or if it was just the regular girl from a small town who made a life and career for herself because it’s what she wanted to do. Anyway, Carey says, “You will only ever have two choices, love or fear. Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” Basically what Carrey is telling us here is to embrace fear, don’t avoid it, stare down the barrel of its gun charge at it and conquer it, but never let it conquer you, never let fear become the objective always make sure it rises no more than an obstacle in your course, a mountain you must climb or a hurdle you must leap over. Defeating fear is never the final piece of the puzzle. Like walking in a straight line, you put your left leg forward and then do exactly the same with your right, repeat until you arrive where you need to be? Well, fear is that first big step. The first big step into a new world and a new environment and mind set and who knows what it’s going to throw at you. But you need to remember that it’s there to make sure you don’t triumph in whatever you set out to do, but you can’t move forward without taking that step. Then comes the next step, failure. And as stated before yeah, your gonna fail, your gonna fail and you’re going to fuck up and mess up and trip up, over and over and over again, this is the repetitive steps the same as walking that we take to go in a straight line, the same works with this. Without taking the same repetitive bullshit same old story steps in life, we will never reach the finish line that is success.

#blogging #cringe #first blog #wiriting

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sapphicwomanwithnopatience · 3 years

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just gonna answer these cus im a little bored and procrastinating on my job

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? - no, we are all very real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? - maybe a two. things do exist in the dark.

3. The person you would never want to meet? - trump... ill probably get sent to jail if you put me within reach of that man

4. What is your favorite word? - “as” its a beautiful structure for metaphors

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? - maybe ash. not very unique, not very standoffish, but one of strongest and most reliable forms of wood

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? - my hair got fucked up while i slept it was a little surprising

7. What shirt are you wearing? - red pullover

8. What do you label yourself as? - a demon

9. Bright room or dark room? - dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? - watching inkmaster

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? - i dont have one

12. Who told you they loved you last? - my mom

13. Your worst enemy? - societal expectation

14. What is your current desktop picture? - hyyh bts

15. Do you like someone? - no

16. The last song you listened to? - butter

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? - nobody? killing people isnt all that

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? - currently? that one mf in texas yall know who

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? - um? what

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) - my eyes. ive been told theyre bottomless.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? - id be hot. not really too interested in leading a life that isnt my own. id probably look in the mirror a little bit and then just about my day?

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? - im sort of a all-kill when it comes to art. i can hold my own in painting, drawing, music production, singing, writing, directing and envisioning. so i guess artistic prowess? idk im a biologist so its not common in my field.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? -im not afraid of much.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. -cubano

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? - im depositing it in the bank

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? -id love to say some place in asia but logically since i only speak spanish and english ill be going puerto rico

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? -michelob ultra. ik ik beer is gross blah blah idc i consume beer much faster than other alcohol and its refreshing so ill go with that

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? - mandatory therapy

29. What is your favorite expletive? - cunt (im not british)

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? - laptop

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - petition to let me erase more than one. its all or none erased, because all my experiences defined me. id need all of them or i wouldnt be me. if were erasing, get rid of it all.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! -this is not a question

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? - i see ghosts and i dont want them back. death happens when its necessary. dont cheat that.

34. What was your last dream about? - i dont remember but i know it happened

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? - i am a good

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? - yeah i broke my wrist once

37. Have you ever built a snowman? - no

38. What is the color of your socks? - not wearing ones rn but usually black

39. What type of music do you like? - anything but misogynist country

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? - sunset

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? - cookies and cream

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) - real madrid

43. Do you have any scars? - many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? - research scientist

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - less migraines

46. Are you reliable? - yes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? - you processed all that trauma yet?

48. Do you hold grudges? - depends on the offense

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? - i wouldnt

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? - someone asked me if id let them snort xanax out of my asshole

51. Are you a good liar? - great, actually

52. How long could you go without talking? - havent tested this but a long time

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? - bangs, not because i looked bad but because curly hair and bangs dont always mix

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? - all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? - im decent at a british one

56. What do you like on your toast? - i dont eat toast

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? - a succulent

58. What would be you dream car? - mercedez benz 1982 300D in yellow

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. - i sing and dance in the shower

60. Do you believe in aliens? -youd be dumb not to

61. Do you often read your horoscope? - not really

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? - dont have one

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? - i dont exactly think either are cool.

64. What do you think about babies? - hatred.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. - ?

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emanresusi-blog · 7 years

Text

Musings of schizotypals Pt. 1

L.G. - I have a sucky sensation inside. Now that I might break up (for my own mental health) with my boyfriend, I have a sucky realization. I have no friends. I have pushed people for years, stablished unhealthy relationships for years. Now everyone is gone, and I cannot retake relationships that I pushed away years ago. I feel lonely. C.B. - Maybe my impulses to criticize others are a way to avoid criticizing myself. I find myself wanting to tell people that no one cares about their stupid lives but now I realize that's just one of the negative things I used to tell myself. I stopped the stream of negative thoughts about myself. But the thoughts are still there, just waiting to be applied to something. I need to channel this inner critic into something more productive. I know it is a facet of who I am, just one that I misuse a lot. It must be able to do some good somewhere. Constructive criticism about myself and my behavior perhaps. I should meditate on this. I'm feeling good but strangely devoid of emotion simultaneously. Like, my outlook on life is a generally optimistic one at the moment even though I'm not specifically happy about anything. I told my friend that I felt like something more was developing in my mind towards her and she wasn't scared off, so maybe that's why I feel optimistic. At the same time, I feel oddly suspicious and paranoid about her as well. Suspicious of her motives in continuing to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and paranoid for her safety at times (she's blind and also the tiniest little bit naïve, in my opinion). Extending my locus of emotional openness doesn't come easily to me. I really bond with other people to the point that I feel a bit like I'm losing myself. I don't like that feeling, but I love bonding with individuals at the same time. I suppose I'm just a bundle of contradictory neurons wrapped in a skull lol A.C. - So I'm sat in my porch locked out bags packed after another of my alcohol induced binge dissapearing acts I know "only Self to blame" I was only out drinking and chatting nothing bad, but I guess I am selfish, selfishly anaware and selfishly inconsiderate with what I don't think through or when I act rash. Slowly I've become more of a loner and made a habit of losing things family, friends umm jobs, it doesn't feel normal or nice that I might just be a procrastinative, selfish/absorbed individual who can't really get any sort of balance in personal life. I care about making amends and living a normal family life it's just... I don't know. Everyone blames me and punishes me, I don't want a scapegoat for my mistakes but it's very confusing I think if I didn't do what I did I'd damage my self by suppressing it all inside would be worse that's not a justification just a thought. Maybe leading a stable life, to work full time, three kids and relationship is too much. S.C - I suffer from depression and anxiety...I feel sometimes that im different of others because i think i have a few particularities(including that i have only two friends).I often try to explain to some that i can catch thoughts & feelings from people that i know...In fact,from complete stangers too ...I just thought if someone here could uderstand me? And I would like to add that is it okay not to fear of losing my few friends?I am 14 and feel like a misfit..I can't recognize what i am and don't remember who i used to be. R.R. - I have a weird feeling that I'm gonna die soon. Lol. Awkward. 2 near death experiences for me and 1 for my mom. Meh. Now I'm walking around every day with intense anxiety, waiting for an accident to happen. 😢 C.S. - I'm not doing well. I'm emotional... I cried for like half an hour today and I usually don't cry. But I've been sick over something I can't talk about. Very paranoid and scared. Such ugly ruminating thoughts. Barely slept last night and I have such a headache but my mind won't shut off. For the first time in years I feel like punching myself in the head. I've been taking my pills regularly. I see the shrink on Thursday. Which means I have to get through two days of work... I've been mildly sick with a cold for the last week. Oh help! I just want to feel better. A.M. - Today I keep seeing characters from TV shows as people in public spaces (anyone else experienced this?) and there was a shadow man in my lounge. It's odd and not making me paranoid which is also odd. Usually when freaky brain shit happens paranoia activates. Side note; Who the hell puts dried apricot in a hot cross bun!? C.B. - Sometimes I have this urge to be rude to people I don't like. Or that I decide are, as narcissistic as this sounds, beneath me morally or intellectually. It makes me very nervous to confront people but sometimes I do it out of impulse. Like I have this parallel line of thinking that just criticizes the hell out of everything I see. I let it build up and then let it out when I reach a certain level of resentment at the world. Afterwords I feel no better. But it's like I have this good side and this bad side to me. The bad side is the worst me I can imagine: lazy, thoughtless, critical, apathetic, and cruel. The good side is the best me I can imagine: empathetic, supportive, passive, thoughtful. I realize that I internalize these values from my primary caregivers growing up, my mother and first stepfather. I can't see the value in my stepfather very well. Jung had this idea of the Anima and the Animus. One male and the other female. I've always identified my values with the feminine due to the fact that the only support I ever got growing up was from women. I never understood men. I never understood women either for that matter. But they were the people I tried to emulate growing up. I couldn't stand the thought of being like my stepfather or boys my age until I became a teenager. Then I copied my stepfather and began to hate a lot. To be cruel a lot. Because that's all I saw in him. These impulses must be that old behavior rearing it's head. I've always wanted to be my own person but I've never quite known how. L. G. - Okay so I am going to lay one of my biggest problems right now and see if you can help me even if it's just a Little bit because I have no clue :( I finished university last year. Everything fine. My father came to my room and asked me, "what do you want to do next year? you have to think it NOW" and clearly wanted me, pushed me to do oposiciones (this is how we call the process of studying to get a job in the public system). I did the course for oposiciones. I HATED IT. God damn how boring, bland, deadly! I cannot even study for it or understand what they do. But my parents are 100% into it and they don't even contemplate me leaving them. I have to act like I study on days like those because they are so into this, specially my father, who sees working in the public system as my only chance in life because I am schizotypal. You can ask me questions, I will answer if it hasn't been understood. Thanks for the help :) L.G. - This is a bit of a hard to ask question but I will ask anyway...do you have problems maintaining your personal care, etc...? Sometimes I do and my family makes shame of me :( although i think really I'm not that much of a disaster. I mean, now I take care of myself, it's not like when I was really bad where I wouldn't take proper care of myself. L. G. - Do you ever feel like you've got too much contained in your chest and feel like telling anyone about it? Like you had an urge to tell what's ailing you? I've got Friends to talk with but I have too much in my chest and everyone looks like a friend to me now... S.S. - Two things I learnt about myself recently 1 - I will never be able to do a 9-5 job. Because I am too impatient and get angry when someone tells me what to do. Also overthink everything and get bored with routine. The only thing I can do is my own boss and work from home alone.I need to be in control. 2 - I can't ever picture myself in a relationship. I recently met a woman a bit older than myself but we share lots of interests and get on well. But I'm beginning to feel smothered and under pressure to behave a certain way. I just want to be a free individual with no responsibilities. I wasn't born to be a pack animal, but to give others as much freedom as possible and for them to not bug me in return. C.B. - Anyone else feel really anxious when they talk to other people about personal issues? It makes therapy very difficult for me. I'm too nervous around my therapist to open up to him, to really talk about the issues I have. I always just spend the time in my "therapy mode" (where I act pleasant and nice and talk about minor issues to avoid the larger ones). I don't feel like anybody can really help me with some things, and that I would just be making whoever I was talking to feel bad. I want to be able to talk about my motivations, my relationships, my feelings but they make me feel pathetic. Sometimes I feel like less than a person, like I'm really just wearing a mask when I behave as a normal human does. Trouble is I don't know for sure who or what is under that mask. D.S. - Had an irrational mental breakdown in public again one of those crying and screaming in equal parts of anger, frustration and sadness... why am I so easily overwhelmed sometimes.. plus I look kinda scary afterwards.. the neighbors already peg me for weird as it is... all emotionally shutdown and stuff only secs later.. I dont know its always like that.. overemotional first and a few seconds later back to the void.. im done. Im turning 23 tomorrow and I just wish I could skip to my funeral instead.. yeah.. one of those days.. A.M. - Does anybody else wander through life aimlessly? Never really finishing things they embark on, barely following their interests and feeling as though they're waiting for something to shake enough life into them to align them with the dimension that is reality... Being a drifting alien is really getting to me lately, I didn't realise how meaningless I find everything or how far I have drifted from society. I am not referring to deppression btw. P.A. - There’s something that’s killing me inside and I would really appreciate getting it out in a post. I really hope I don’t sound like a total bitch. It’s to do with abandonment, which I hope some people here will understand. I feel so abandoned by my counsellor. It’s the closest relationship I have. I sent her a text a few weeks ago saying I was sad and I never heard back. It has been my psych ward “anniversary” and I thought she’d message me to ask how I am but no nothing. Now she’s just become a grandmother... I know because I’m friends with her son. They are all super excited and spending lots of time together. He is sending me photos of the new baby but it’s just making me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for them? I feel so bad and self-centred for feeling this way. I know this little girl will be spoilt rotten with love and I’m jealous, there’s no other word for it. I suspect this is triggering an ancient wound in me, a hole that I’ve never managed to fill. My friend wants to see me tonight but I’m just too upset to see him and I can’t explain to him why *hides under table* C.B. - Sometimes I feel like I am more comfortable being depressed than I am being happy. Being sad feels, I don't know, solid, constant, whereas happiness is a fleeting and ephemeral feeling. Because of this, I got used to lying to myself to make myself more depressed. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I used to love laying in bed and thinking terrible things about myself until I cried my eyes out. I guess I craved that sense of catharsis. These days, I realize that this isn't a healthy way of coping, but I still crave the cathartic feeling I used to get by working myself into a terrible place. I think maybe I crave intense release of emotion because I have a hard time letting go of emotions in the moment and I kind of bottle them up. I still crave that. It's odd, I suppose I'm working to integrate the disparate parts of my personality into a functioning whole. It's like the emotional part of me exists kind of parallel to the rest, separate but connected in form if not function. A.C. - I guess if you can't do anything consistently but your capable of being extremely creative which many are here. Your purpose in life is to create a masterpiece not stand in line and fit the system. S.S. - Got told I'm too much of a negative person earlier and that I should keep all my thoughts secret. But the truth is I only say about 10% of what's actually on my mind. I'm too truthful about my flaws. The last thing I wanna be is a fake who brags. I can't help who I am.

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meanderfall · 7 years

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//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6. Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8. Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25. Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27. Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28. Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29. Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36. Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45. How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47. Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

#aroacedrienne #about

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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David Levithan and Rachel Cohn’s writing advice to get you started in 2017

Woman writing notes in backyard (Blend Images via AP Images)

Image: AP

2017 has just begun, which means it’s time to make (and stick to) your resolutions.

SEE ALSO: MashReads Podcast: How to set a New Year’s reading resolution you’ll actually accomplish

If one of your resolutions is to write more, maybe finish that novel you’ve always meant to write, you’re not alone. And Mashreads has your back. We went to not one, but two of YA’s best authors: David Levithan and Rachel Cohn. Not only are they award-winning and bestselling authors in their own rights, but together they’ve collaborated on such amazing books as Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares, and its 2016 sequelThe Twelve Days of Dash & Lily.

Keep reading for Levithan and Cohn’s advice on writing, reading, and collaborating to get you started on all those writing resolutions.

How long have you been writing?

DL: I always date my writing career to a story I wrote in third grade, which is the first time I remember being proud of a word Id chosen. (It was in the middle of a chase scene all of my stories were chase scenes then but while the chase genre did not survive into my YA career, the wonder at finding the right way to say something endures.)

RC: Im going to be honest and admit that my writing ambitions took root when I was a teenager and completely in love with ABC News anchorman Peter Jennings. (I loved his Canadian accent and the particular flourish he gave to the word Nicaragua.) So, like many writers, I started out writing fan fiction: romances involving me and Peter Jennings, which I passed around to my friends. They kept asking for more, I liked the attention and eventually moved on to other kinds of story writing. (Never did have that mad affair with Peter Jennings IRL, though. Sadness.)

What’s the biggest obstacle you had to overcome early in your career?

DL: My horrible singing voice. Oh, you mean WRITING career.The biggest obstacle I had to overcome was IT IS NOT EASY TO WRITE A NOVEL. But I tricked myself into thinking I was writing a short story that got longer and longer … and thats how I finished Boy Meets Boy, my first novel.

RC: My biggest obstacle may have been all the people insisting of course I could write, but getting published was probably an unrealizable dream. To which I responded by placing my hands over my ears and proclaiming BLAH BLAH BLAH until they stopped talking.Very mature, I know. But tuning out all the noise saying how hard it was proved my most effective tool for just getting that first novel finished.

What is your process when you start a new project?

DL: Goat sacrifice. Only, Im a vegetarian, so the goat is made of tofu.Then I just sit down and write.I am not an outliner by any stretch.

RC: I hate that he can just sit down and write. My process involves 90 percent procrastination (cleaning, eating, shopping, staring off into space) and 10 percent just finally sitting down and writing. Sometimes I outline before and sometimes I dont; every book is different. For me, character comes first, and I try to tap into that characters voice by just writing random scenes, and seeing if it clicks, and if I feel like theres more story to tell. Then theres more procrastination and then I finally write. In the time it took me to do this process, David has written and edited five new books.

What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever been given?

DL: A high school English teacher told me to forget about fiction and focus on writing essays, presumably for the rest of my writing life. But even from this bad advice came a good lesson: Sometimes proving someone wrong can be an excellent motivating force.

RC: Write what you know. Sure, try that. But dont limit yourself to that edict. Its OK to totally make stuff up that has nothing to do with anything you know.Spoiler alert: Its also kind of fun.

What’s the best writing advice you ever received?

DL: Dont be afraid to fail, because nobodys going to see a thing you write unless you decide to share it with them.

RC: A book signed to me by Ellen Gilchrist: Keep writing remember its just typing, and love.”

What’s the best utility tip for writers (apps to use, products, practical process tips)?

DL: I use this revolutionary program called Microsoft Word. Its SO MUCH EASIER THAN A TYPEWRITER!

RC: A typewriters not bad, either. Wait, you meant more recent technology?I use the Notes app on my iPhone to remember random ideas and pieces of story or dialogue for books Im working on.

What’s the best advice for collaborating with another writer?

DL:Go along for the ride. Dont try to control the story, but follow it where it goes. Try to make your co-author laugh as much as possible. Use collaboration as an excuse to try different things.And, most of all, have fun.

RC: Trust is key. Understand that you both have a shared interest in and love for your characters, and you need to trust that what the other person does with those characters is the right thing, even when its not the choice you would have made. Or ply your collaborator with enough sugar and flattery to make them believe that any changes you suggest are actually their idea.

Besides reading, what are good hobbies for a writer?

DL:I dont know if editing counts as a hobby … but putting your own words down for a while and focusing on someone elses can be helpful.

RC: Any kind of theater or live storytelling. Listening to audio books.Exercise even if its just walking around the block to combat too much time sitting hunkered down at a computer and also give your brain a rest.(And often the time away from the computer will allow your brain to answer the writing questions that might have been slowing you down anyway.)

BONUS: Someone designed a notebook that can last forever