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#lost from when we wake there's no way to go back
y2kuromi · 1 day
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⭑ : 呪術廻戦 ❛ 𝗨𝗡𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗞𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗘 : satoru gojo x fem! reader
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࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 synopsis: you thought you’d never see satoru again, but those eyes are unmistakable
contents: sfw. angst to fluff. canon divergent, jjk 261 spoilers. my version of gojo coming back. est rel. they’re married & reader is pregnant. conflict. mentions of blood and injury. profanities. second and third person pov
summer isn’t over yet! collection, can be read as a stand-alone
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shoko never cried. it was as immutable as hubble’s constant. not once — in the thirteen years you’d known her — had a tear fallen from her eyes. at most her brows would furrow and her pearly pink lips would quiver but she never cried.
she swore her lungs were too damaged from smoking and her eyes were too dry to sustain such ministrations, incapable of overflowing with bountiful water. but she was silent now and through your misted gaze you could see the tears in her dark brown eyes glisten like crystals as she chocked back sobs. you could see the needle in her hands shaking as she gazed hopelessly at satoru’s body.
your hand is interlinked with his, and it’s so cold and lifeless in your grasp that you feel a fresh set of tears prickling your eyelids. his once bright blue eyes are pointed towards the heavens. devoted to the wispy clouds and pearly gates in a twisted prayer. a prayer to be free of the burden of being the strongest. a prayer to finally be human.
it’s selfish to press your lips to his hand and offer a mantra of pleas for him to come back — to hope the light returns to his infinitely blue eyes and his voice rings out as clear as day. teasing you for caring so much about him — but you do it anyway. you hold his heavy hand in yours and allow your thumb to graze the veins traversing his hand.
“please come back” the words sound feeble, and so weak as they fall from your trembling lips onto deaf ears “i can’t do this without you”
you couldn’t imagine what life would be like without satoru. there would be no more sunshine. no more meaning.
you were sure the universe would cease to exist. the days would blur into months, then years and it would all mean nothing if you could no longer feel the warmth of his love. the warmth of his lips against yours and his burning gaze fixed on you. not the heavens, just you.
“it doesn’t matter if you lost, i love you all the same” you whispered, “we both do”
it’s supernatural, the way you love him so wholly when your heart is broken beyond repair — the chambers are withered to a non-functioning pulp, the valves rendered immobile, and the tender muscle undeniably numb.
it hurts to breathe when satoru isn’t. when his eyes are out of focus and he’s frozen in time. it hurts but you allow your eyes to shift to the pool of blood on the operating table. shoko’s gloves are coated thickly with stains of red as she stitches meticulously. strong, neat crosses that bind what’s left of him together.
“sho” your voice comes out raspy, unabashedly raw from the consistency of the tears flowing from your eyes “is he going to be okay?” it made no sense to ask such a question, when you could see his corpse in-front of you. but none of this made sense.
he was supposed to come home to you.
“i’m trying my best” shoko said softly, wiping profusely at her heavy-lidded eyes with her free hand. “i want to bring him back. for you, for everyone, but i have to be honest, it’s not looking good”
“is there anything i can do to help?” you make a weak attempt to control your breathing. to still the ache in your heart, “supernova.. has this ability renewable energy. ‘toru called it a defibrillator on steroids but i’ve only used it twice”
“did it work?” shoko asked, rubbing her cheek nervously and smearing a sheer layer of scarlet blood on her chin. you shook your head. it had worked the first time you used it, but the it didn't work the second. tsumiki didn’t wake up.
“it's unreliable..” your throat felt immensely dry, and you swallowed desperately “but i want to try. i have to.”
“it might work with my reverse cursed technique” she murmured, “and with utahime amplifying it, it’s worth a shot”
your grip on satoru’s hand tightened. you felt the tingle of cursed energy spread through your fingers as they became shrouded in warm, orange light.
it felt foreign, to use your cursed technique after so many years of letting it simmer — a slowly dying ember — in your soul. you would dig up old wounds, and bear new ones if it meant having your husband back
the door creaked open and you couldn't bring yourself to peer and see who it was. you could hear three pairs of footsteps running into each other in quick succession.
“how’s it going shoko? okkotsu’s ready to take over go—” mei-mei asks, her voice trails off as her sharp brown eyes fall on you “oh (y/n) you’re here” her bottom lip is caught between her teeth as she runs a hand through her blue-grey hair
“i told you she was arriving soon” utahime says through gritted teeth. positively seething as her footsteps slow to a stop in-front of you “i’m really sorry (y/n), i wish things turned out different”
“i’ll say” mei-mei murmurs, leaning against the door frame “the live broadcast ratings have plummeted seriously, everyone wanted to see him go toe-to-to with the king of curses and win”
you blinked. once. twice. before rage slithered through your veins like a serpent. your blood boiled, bubbling precariously and you were sure you were going to explode.
“you were broadcasting this?” it’s inconceivable to you. the extent of which she didn't see satoru as a person, but a god.
the god of wealth and the antithesis of weakness. the god who had to pay her to keep her as an allied sorcerer. the god that meant nothing to her but strength and money. “are you fucking serious? you wanted to profit off my husband risking his life”
“it was a good idea if i do say so myself” she muses, as she glances at her phone. “but considering the outcome i'd assume you want some of my earnings? that can be arranged”
your vision was clouded with an anger so strong you were sure you would short-circuit. your sensory neurones couldn’t receive the impulse of someone being so cruel and heartless.
you were blissfully unaware you were advancing towards mei-mei until utahime placed a calming hand on your shoulder. her brown eyes were sad and she shook her head fervently “don’t. it’s not worth it”
“if she can’t handle knowing this how will she cope with the plan for okkotsu” mei-mei frowns, “she shouldn’t be here, she’s not a sorcerer anymore”
“and you would know, because sorcerers run off to malaysia and sell all their assets while their peers fight for their lives” you scoffed sarcastically, “if it came down to it you wouldn’t lift a finger to help satoru if there wasn’t money involved but i would. i would die for him—”
“you didn’t. you quit and look where he is now”
“mei-mei try to have some respect you’re talking to his wife” ijichi finally snapped, shooting her a well-meaning glare, “you can’t seriously be this tactless”
“his body wouldn’t have been claimed so easily without ui ui’s assistance. she should be thanking me” mei-mei argued, folding her arms over her chest
it took a sheer amount of willpower to regain your composure and reposition yourself on the stool beside the operating table instead of firing off a stable star at her.
“what’s happening with yuuta?” you asked, peering at utahime through your tear-filled eyes. you felt your heart sinking further into the bottomless abyss of your grief as she averted her gaze. her hands found the scarlet fabric of her hakama pants and she wrung the cloth nervously
“he said he was going to tell you but i knew he wouldn’t” her lips curved into a deep-set frown. she pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled softly. “ seeing him like this can’t be good for you or the baby” your hand fell to your stomach instinctively.
you could still feel his hands on the taut skin. you could still feel his fingertips trailing over the curved bump and hear him cooing to your baby — absolutely convinced it only moved when he spoke to it. satoru was prepared to give your baby the childhood he never got to have. the childhood you could only make together.
you couldn’t do it alone. you knew the baby would be the spitting image of its father. with little ivory tufts of hair and baby blue eyes that would rival the sky on a clear summer’s day. your baby would be beautiful. it was inevitable, even in death satoru didn’t fail to take your breath away.
you wanted to hate him, for leaving you again but you couldn’t. all you could do was hope he would defy all the odds and make his way home to you.
“it doesn’t matter. what’s happening with yuuta?” your eyes were pleading, it was torture being kept in the dark. you needed to know everything because ignorance wasn’t bliss. it was hell. you knew the gnawing curiosity and desperation would destroy whatever was left of your already shattered heart “hime, please tell me i need to know”
“i want to tell you" she gulped, "i can’t, it’ll be too much for you to bear. i can't have that on my conscience—”
“i’ll tell her” shoko said softly, “it’s the least i can do now that everything's gone to shit”
your eyes widened at how defeated she sounded. her voice was worn, as if she'd fought a million battles and lost each one. she had. you knew more than anyone how she felt. haibara, suguru, nanami, and now satoru.
“we’ll give you some privacy” utahime said, squeezing your shoulder lightly. it’s a gesture that seems to say a lot more than the sadness etched onto her face. it’s a gesture that says she cares.
the silence that follows as mei-mei, ijichi and utahime trail out of the makeshift infirmary is deafening. a silence filled with a magnitude of feelings and unspoken words.
“there’s no easy way to say this,” shoko inhaled sharply, “okkotsu copied kenjaku’s technique…and he’s going to take over satoru’s body to help yuuji finish this once and for all”
you didn't know whether to cry or laugh, the sound that escaped your lungs was a cruel combination of both.
“no” you said firmly, as if the singular world had the power to render the universe, fate and time itself motionless, “you can’t do that to him. i won’t let you.”
“please believe me when i say that we don’t want this any more than you do” her voice is subdued. the softest you've ever heard it. yet it does nothing to soothe your aching heart “but it’s the only way”
“there has to be another way” you cried, “he spent his entire life being used as a tool. i can't let him be used even in his death. satoru deserves so much more than that. how could you even be okay with this shoko? do you not care?”
you knew she did, in the murky depths of your shipwrecked heart and the wooden splinters you had for ribs, you knew shoko cared about satoru. none of this made a slither of sense.
“i’m not okay with this” tears brimmed at her waterline and she began crying again, cosmic beads trailing down her flushed cheeks as she looked at you helplessly, “but he said it was fine. he said he doesn’t care what happens to his corpse”
she doesn't believe the words for a second, even as they fall from her lips and fill the space between you. but she had to. the guilt would eat her alive if she didn't.
“he didn’t have a choice. no one has ever given him a choice” your eyes fell to satoru's unmoving body. you were positive a part of you was dying. a part of you was shrivelling up completely and this was the final blow. a part of you was dead.
“i can’t bring him back (y/n) i’ve tried everything” she said dejectedly, fumbling around for her lighter and setting a cigarette aflame, “i feel so useless, i would give up everything to bring him back to you but i can’t”
“i know” you said. it killed you to admit it. it felt like you were betraying satoru and everything he stood for. "what's going to happen to him?"
it would be fine, it was for a good cause right? once all of this was over satoru could finally be at peace—
“yuuta either dies after his five minutes granted by rika's manifestation are up or he lives on in satoru’s body” she muttered. you felt bile rise in your throat. you were going to be sick
“i can't allow that” you said shakily, “i can barely breathe without him.. but if i have to see okkotsu in his body.. shoko" your vision ran blurry and it felt like your throat was closing up
"he’s everything to me. i can’t live with that. i can't see his body alive and have my heart know it's not him. what about the baby? my baby is going to grow up without a father”
the realisation hit you like a splash of cold water. the picture perfect family you and satoru had just started to build came crumbling down in seconds, drowning in the uncharted waters of a future without him.
“i’ll be with you every step of the way” shoko promised, “ it won't be the same i know, but i’ll be right by your side when you give birth and i’ll be there with you until the day i die.”
she felt it was the least she could do after everything. after she couldn't save satoru. it would be hard and you would hate every second of it, "nothing will ever be the same without satoru"
your words seemed to be the final nail in his coffin. it was concluded. you would inevitably learn to live without him. you would inevitably learn to do the impossible.
“he wouldn’t want you to live the rest of your life being miserable” shoko sniffed, “he wouldn’t even want to see you cry. he loved you so much, it was sickening"
you withered noticeably, shoulders and morale deflating as you caught a glimpse of the hopeless look in her eyes. she really had given up.
and so had you. you'd wanted desperately to fight till the end, to cling onto the slim chance of bringing satoru back, but you couldn’t do it alone. you couldn’t face the monster alone. satoru was right about one thing, love truly was the most twisted curse of all.
“he told me he’d come back” you said quietly, a mere whisper amidst your heavy breathing and the sound of your choked sobs, “he promised”
you cupped his cheek in your palm once more. his skin was still cool to the touch and the pale grey undertones beneath it broke your heart beyond measure. you could barely make out his face through your tear-filled eyes. nor could you grasp the prospect of never seeing him look at you again.
you’d never see him gaze at you as if you’d single-handedly hung the stars in the night sky and crotched each slither of grass into the earthy soil again. you’d never have the pleasure of watching his beautiful eyes adjust to the morning sun again.
you wouldn’t have the pleasure of watching him cradle your child, watching him blow raspberries and nuzzle into your baby’s neck. you wouldn’t have the pleasure of watching him search for your traits he loved so much in the baby that would bind you together for infinity. and you had to find the strength to be okay with that.
you brushed back the limp white strands on his forehead and placed a desperate kiss onto satoru’s exposed skin. it sickened you to feel him completely still beneath your touch, unresponsive to your lips pressed against his temples.
you smothered muffled ‘i love yous’ to the expanse of his face. trailing kisses from his forehead to his cold lips. a last ditch effort to will him alive. to will his eyes to turn away from the heavens and look at you.
he does. in a moment that feels infinite, a flash of light beams in his eyes
you blink. once. twice. absolutely sure you were imagining the way his long eyelashes fluttered like a dove soaring from the cloying clutches of the ashes of death. absolutely sure you were imagining the pinkish hue returning to his porcelain skin. and his brows twitching as he regained what was left of his consciousness.
until you see the bright blue eyes you’d loved religiously, devotedly, for as long as you could remember fade from a dull blue into a beautiful mellowed grey-blue
it felt like the world stood still, the thumping of your heart reconstructing itself slowly, meticulously drowned out the ticking of the wall clock, the dripping of the intravenous fluids, and shoko’s breathless inhales of smoke.
“‘toru?” it feels surreal — the hand cupping your face, the thumb smoothing across your tear-stained cheeks, and the smile tugging at satoru’s lips. it feels like a dream, the hazy romantic grey eyes that drink you in. as if you’re made of every drop in the deep blue oceans that covered the earth’s crust. but the unadulterated love in his eyes is unmistakable. “shoko, he’s alive”
shoko rushes to your side and knocks over her stool in the process. it feels as though the heavens opened up and dropped you a lifeline. as if an immortal being heard your pleas and instead of casting away a god, cast a mere mortal, a human.
without the six eyes that had haunted him from conception. without the six eyes that made him the strongest. without the six eyes that took him away from you.
the heavens took the strongest away from you, and in return gave you satoru.
“how?” shoko spluttered, “i tried everything under the sun. how the hell did you come back by yourself, you vermin?”
a smile as bright as the sun itself is etched onto his face, and the dimples you loved to press kisses to are more than visible beneath the fluorescent lights. satoru mustered up the strength to pull you into his arms.
he was half the man he used to be, yet he felt so complete.
“binding vow” he hummed, pressing a soft kiss to the bone of your wrist, “it was a long shot but it worked, you’re looking at the new and improved satoru”
“the binding vow?” shoko queried, “i thought you gave up on that when you agreed to let okkotsu use your body” she propped her hand under her chin and looked at him sceptically.
"the heart wants what it wants" he shrugged sheepishly, "i thought it would be fine giving up part of the six eyes, turns out i needed to give up everything."
"are you okay with that?" you asked. he was more than okay with it. he would give up everything if it meant it could be with you. he nodded.
he didn't need the six eyes to see that you loved him. he didn't need to be the strongest, when he could be satoru with you
"don't worry about me sweets, i'll live" he said softly "besides nothing feels as good as coming back to you"
"nothing feels as good as having you come back to me" you murmured, allowing his hands to find repose on the small of your back. you buried your face in his chest, the tell-tale signs of tears soaking into his tight black shirt.
"would've been kinda funny if okkotsu took over my body" he said slyly, "you would've hated me"
"i hate you" you groaned, pushing yourself off his worn body, "i really hate you satoru gojo. so much more than you know"
"i know baby, i know" he laughed, lacing his fingers through yours and pressing a bittersweet kiss to your knuckles, "i love you too"
“how could you even agree to that?” you pried your hand from his grip and pointed an accusatory finger at him as you clambered off the operating table, “without so much as telling me ‘toru really?”
“‘s too soon to be mad at me sweets” he pouted, voice syrupy. too syrupy. for someone who had just risen from the dead, “i wanted to tell you. i should’ve told you. forgive me please”
satoru attempts to prop himself up on his elbows, and fails in quick succession earning an exasperated sigh from both you and shoko. you can't truly bring yourself to remain mad at him. not when he'd sacrificed the sole thing that shaped his existence to come back
“stay put you idiot” shoko snapped, “i have to make sure everything’s in order” she stubbed out her cigarette in a petri dish before slipping on a new pair of gloves.
with the naked eye satoru appeared the same —save for his newly grey eyes— but she was concerned for his wellbeing beyond that. he’d pushed his brain beyond his capabilities during his fight against ryomen sukuna.
satoru cracked an insufferable grin as he ran his left hand through his hair. the slashed scars on it are equally as beautiful as the scars toji left on him. he's equally as beautiful as the day you met him.
“sho you look like death” he quipped, “you sure you’re not the one who needs a check up? ”
“funny” she deadpanned, a tight lipped smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, “you’ve been back for less than five minutes and you’re already riling me up”
"hah? don't act like you didn't miss me" he chuckled, "you've been crying haven't you? i knew you cared about me”
"please shut him up" shoko groaned, imploring you with her tired brown eyes. "or distract him while i run the necessary tests. considering the damage dealt by sukuna he should be on bed rest for a few weeks"
"mm i could do with a vacation" he grinned, "where do you feel like going sweets?" it felt like tempting fate to have such casual discussions with satoru when he had been gone mere minutes ago.
and you'd felt the weight of the universe and gravity crushing the embers of your soul — but you would always indulge him. it was your constant, forever unchanging, as immutable as the speed of light
"miguel said we'd like zanzibar" you said thoughtfully, plopping down on your stool as shoko pressed the diaphragm of her stethoscope to his chest, "what about your students?"
"they've got it from here" he hummed. he had the familiar glint of pride that flickered in his grey-blue eyes when he thought of his students. they would carry on his legacy, he was sure of it
they could be strong together.
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© Y2KUROMI 2024. please do not plagiarise, repost, or translate any of my works on here or any other websites.
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pinkyqil · 16 hours
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Can you do a Mapi x Ingrid x reader where maybe the reader is struggling with depression and Mapi and Ingrid help her?
We'll help you through it// Ingrid engen x mapi lèon x r
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Least to say that you we're struggling life sucking every single one of your motion to keep living it felt like you lost all hope in your self you didn't know what it was but your mental health decline took a toll on you.
Every day felt like a struggle to be alive and keep on breathing. but thanks to your amazing girlfriends who were able to notice what was wrong with you.
It all started with when they had to leave a lot for away machetes you get that it was apart of their job but sometimes you felt lonely and jealous about what the two could be doing without it.
You doing what you do best overthink the whole situation but nevertheless you were able to push back.
You stopped answering there calls and texts whenever they sent in one. Just wachting the phone ring away without trying to pick it up.
Feeling worthless and unimportant as life would have been better if you just stopped living you thought to yourself.
But you never get close to doing it. It's been weeks since you last saw them as you've been ignored them.
You had a new routine now wake up work sleep and eat. And well repeat totally ignoring your other aspect of life.
Mapi and Ingrid had obviously noticed the pattern in your behavior and decided to vist you as soon has they could.
"Ingrid you think all this is enough". Mapi asked Ingrid showing her comfort bag that they brought for you filled with your favorite snacks to everything that you like.
three different brands of your favorite chocolate, huge ass blankets you wanted to get but didn't they had it your favorite movies had it makeup,dresses, aersoiess they had it all but mapi over here was still worrying that it wasn't enough.
"Mapi it enough or maybe to much". Ingrid questioned.
"Let's just go". she said to her girlfriend
They finally got your place with the spare key and weren't really expecting to see you in the condition that you were in.
With just one look at you it was quite obvious that you weren't getting enough sleep nor eating enough.
They both immediately dropped the things they had rushing to your side. It hurt them to see you this way like you were waiting on death.
Ingrid was the first to speak up. "Baby I'm so sorry we haven't been there for you".
"Nothing is your fault I'm particularly to blame".
"No don't say that about yourself".she told you
Mapi on the other hand didn't know what to say so she just pulled you three into a hug. you all stayed like that for a while before Ingrid started cleaning.
the whole place and convinced you to go take a bath so you could feel more relaxed. mapi was changing your bedsheets and placing the things that they got you.
By the time that you were out your places was looking better than it was before.
Ingrid made you a bowl of spicy soup putting it down and helping you with your hair and clothes on. You ate what Ingrid had prepare with mapi feeding you and not missing a single drop.
After that they both convinced you to leave the house for some fresh air. And that what you did getting in the car mapi first went back to there place to pick up bagheera to join you guys.
Having bagheera join you guys on the beach was perfect the cat being there made you perceived and calm. It wouldn't have been your normal couples walk if mapi didn't start talking you and Ingrida ears.
off something that you missed even though she could go on for hours she was recently yapping about. how patri and pina were quite obvious about each other but to afraid to confess and how she was going to play cupid.
Let's to say you felt happy and a little better all you need was come comfort and love from you girls which they understood.
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Drunk! JJ Maybank x Reader
Sinopse: just jj being clingy while drunk and yn having feelings for him
Warnings: just fluff and fluff
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The bonfire crackled in the background, casting flickering shadows over the beach. The night was alive with the sound of laughter and the smell of salty sea air. But my attention was fixed on one person: JJ
"Y/N!" he called out, his voice slurred but cheerful. "C'mere, you gotta try this!"
I sighed, making my way over to him. "Jayj, how much have you had to drink?"
He chuckled, holding up his fingers as if counting. "Uh, I dunno, lost track after... five? Six? Doesn't matter. I'm good."
“Well” rolled my eyes, gently taking the cup from his hand. “I think you've had enough for tonight."
"But I'm just getting started!" he protested, his tone playful but insistent. He leaned in closer, his breath warm against my cheek. "Besides, you haven't even danced with me yet."
"JJ, you're drunk, The others had already left as well”I said softly, placing a hand on his arm. "Let's get you back to the Chateau."
His expression shifted, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Only if you promise to dance with me when we get there."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Fine, I promise. Now let's go."
He stumbled as I guided him away from the bonfire, his arm draped over my shoulders for support. The walk back to John B's house felt longer than usual, JJ's weight making it harder to navigate the sandy path.
"Y'know, cupcake" JJ mumbled, his voice low and intimate. "You're really pretty."
"Thanks, JJ," I replied, trying to keep him steady.
"I'm serious," he insisted, stopping suddenly to look at me. His blue eyes were hazy but sincere. "You're, like, the best thing that's ever happened to me…I really love you"
My heart skipped a beat, but I brushed it off, he was drunk… “thanks jayj..But you can tell me that when you're sober, now c'mon, let's keep moving."
He laughed, a sound that was both carefree and heart-wrenching. "You're always taking care of me. Why?"
"Because you're my friend, JJ," I said, my tone firm but kind. "And friends look out for each other."
As we continued walking, he stumbled again, nearly dragging me down with him. I tightened my grip around his waist, determined to get him back safely.
"We're almost there," I reassured him, my breath coming out in small puffs in the cool night air.
When we finally reached the Chateau, I could feel the tension in my shoulders ease. I helped him up the creaky steps, praying he wouldn't wake anyone inside.
"Shh, be quiet," I whispered as I unlocked the door. "You don't want to wake Sarah and John b"
JJ nodded, but his balance was off, causing him to bump into the doorframe. "Oops" he giggled, his laughter infectious.
I managed to get him inside, guiding him to the worn-out couch in the living room. He flopped down with a contented sigh, pulling me down with him.
“Stay..” he murmured, his eyes half-closed. "Just for a bit."
I sat beside him, his head resting on my shoulder. "Only for a little while," I agreed, brushing a strand of hair from his face.
Some time passed, and I could only feel his warm breath and a hand on my waist... maybe he had already fallen asleep. Well maybe not.
He turned slightly, his breath tickling my neck. "Do you ever think about us? Like, more than friends?"
My heart raced, the question hanging in the air. "JJ, you're drunk. We should talk about this when you're sober."
"But I wanna know," he persisted, his fingers intertwining with mine. "I think about it. A lot."
I sighed, my emotions a tangled mess. "Get some sleep, JJ. We'll talk in the morning."
He nodded, his eyes drifting shut. "Promise?"
"I promise," I whispered, watching as he slipped into a peaceful sleep.
As I sat there, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against me, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was something more between us. But for now, I was content to just be there for him, taking care of the boy who always managed to steal my heart, even in his drunken stupor.
Minutes turned into hours as I stayed by his side, lost in thought. I gently shifted, trying to make him more comfortable, and pulled a blanket over us. His arms tightened around me instinctively, even in sleep, as if he feared I'd slip away.
"Y/N," he mumbled in his sleep, nuzzling closer. I sighed softly, brushing a light kiss against his forehead. His confession, although muddled by alcohol, had left a mark on my heart.
Tomorrow would bring clarity, but for tonight, I was here, holding onto the boy who meant the world to me. The Chateau stood silent around us, a quiet sanctuary where, for a few hours, everything felt right.
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sortasirius · 1 day
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"Ashes, Ashes" and Eddie Diaz's Grief
This entire post is just about Eddie, literally him and him alone lol
Good lord what a stressful fucking episode.
Just to start off, after Buck meets KIM WHEN SHE JUST SWAGS ON IN TO THE FIREHOUSE WITH HER BROWNIES, the way Eddie opens the back door like he's not sure who would be there, only for him to scoff when Buck asks if he can come in...it's giving "this is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest."
"Eddie...who's Kim?"
And Eddie immediately turning away from him and picking up dishes to put in the sink...yeah my man how's that denial taste?
"Marisol's my girlfriend. Kim's just...a friend."
"Just a friend who's a...dead ringer for your late wife?"
I don't think there's anyone else in the world who could talk like this to Eddie. I genuinely think he would turn tail and run if it was anyone else.
I noticed when Eddie says that "nothing's going on" he has an eerily similar expression on his face when Ana showed up to the firehouse. And Buck clocked him then, too.
"It's not even what I want from her."
"Okay. So what do you want?"
"I...don't know."
And that's it. That's Eddie's narrative arc. He doesn't want Shannon. He thinks he does, he's so lost in this fantasy of having her back, of doing things "right this time" that he's convinced himself that, if he could just have her alive again, everything would be perfect. He doesn't want Marisol, we know that, but he doesn't want Kim either. And if I'm honest, he wouldn't want Shannon if he had her back.
What does Eddie want? What does he really want? It's a question none of us can answer. In fact, I don't even think Eddie can answer it right now.
"Does this poor woman know that she is a carbon copy of your dead wife?"
Absolutely brutal line. Wake his ass up, Buck!!!!
"I'm worried about you."
"Yeah. I'm worried about me too."
I AM ALSO VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU EDDIE!!!
Insane that after one (1) conversation with Buck, Eddie decides to come clean to Kim. The power that he holds.
"Have you been spending time with me? Or with her?"
What a fucking gut punch of a line.
"I didn't realize how much I...missed her. Then I saw you."
This is the thing!!! It's almost like he feels like seeing Kim somehow gives him a second chance with Shannon. If he could just have Shannon back, if he could just do it all over again, he would do it right. They would finally have that happy, perfect relationship that he remembers, he would finally be the best husband that he could be, Chris would finally be happy.
He doesn't seem to get that Chris is already happy. OF COURSE he misses his mom, he always will, and Eddie will always miss Shannon, but dragging in this person that just happens to look like her to cling to this semblance of a perfect marriage that never even existed in the first place? Yikes, my guy.
"I guess she was the love of your life."
"I think she was. Yeah. Though I'm not sure I knew at the time."
Because what he remembers isn't real!!! He's whitewashed this relationship to the point that it's not recognizable. She's the love of his life...that he ran away from before she even gave birth to enlist in the army. The love of his life that he reenlisted to stay away from. The love of his life that he fought with constantly. The love of his life that left him a few months after he was discharged. The love of his life that asked him for a divorce days before she died.
I'm not saying relationships are all sunshine and rainbows, but we saw next to none of that with Shannon and Eddie. The sex was good, they both loved Chris, they cared for each other deeply...but love of his life?
I don't even know that he would be able to identify what that even means for him.
I think his grief has taken so much from him, he can vocalize how much time they spent apart in their marriage, how so much of it didn't work, but it's like it doesn't get all the way through to him. Kim is right when she says they have unfinished business, because that's what happens when you lose someone unexpectedly like that. It's clear Eddie has never gotten over it, maybe never even tried to process it, but seeing Kim brought it all back to the surface, similar to how realizing that all of the people in his unit were dead brought up his untreated PTSD.
He so carefully bottles everything up until it explodes, and this is no different, we're just seeing the explosion and the fallout of something he has tried to tamp down for five years.
Look y'all, I felt as bad for Kim as anybody could, she did not deserve to be used as a pawn in Eddie's strange journey with grief, but for her to show up with those fuck ass bangs and basically cosplay as Shannon to try and get Eddie to open but about his grief???? WHAT ARE WE DOING????
I think ultimately, this comes down to the fact that Kim is trying, in a very weird, very misguided way, to do a good thing. Eddie said he never got closure, and was trying to use her for that closure, so she thought that, if she just dressed up like Shannon, she could help him move on from her.
But for her, this is an acting job. For Eddie (and for Chris), the loss of Shannon is very, very real.
"Who's Kim?" WAS FUCKING CRAZY. ABSOLUTE FREAK ENERGY.
"I know I wasn't a perfect husband, I did my fair share of running too."
Babe...you ran the whole ENTIRE time...
"I came back because I couldn't imagine a life without...without you."
I'm so fascinated by this delivery, because is he looking at Kim and having a hard time saying that? Or is he looking at SHANNON and having a hard time saying that?
"And you know what? I still can't. But I'm still living it. But it's broken. I'm broken. And I can't fix it. This is the life I have now. This is the life from now on. The life...without you. You were supposed to be here with me, baby. And now you're not. And you never will be."
First of all...Ryan Guzman...actor that you are.
This monologue is so heartbreaking because that grief is still such a raw nerve. He's stuck in that moment in the back of the ambulance. wishing that he had done things differently.
But the thing is...Kim is talking to him as a person that she doesn't know, as a person who never existed.
Eddie asks why he never got a letter, but he doesn't mention that she wanted a divorce. He can mention all the times he left her, or she left him, or even the fights they had, but he can't seem to ever remember, ever think about that. His speech seems doubled sided. It's not just that she left them when she died...it's that she was going to leave him before, WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE. It's that she didn't want to make things work and he never got to ask her why.
And then...the other shoe.
"Mom?"
I think we all knew Chris would find out one way or another, and while I hope that conversation with "Shannon" was healing for Eddie, it is going to set Chris back years. Because he doesn't know that it's not her! For all he knows, his mom is back again, answering that Christmas wish he asked for five years ago all over again.
I'm gonna be honest, I love Eddie so much, more than anything, but I was...pretty fucking pissed the moment they walked through that door and he called Kim "mom." Because it was SELFISH, and Eddie has never been allowed to be selfish, not once in all his life, and I wish I could support this selfishness now, but not at the cost of Chris. AND I KNOW EDDIE FEELS THE SAME WAY! This is going to fuck him up just as much as it fucks Chris up!
I know that Tim has talked about how season 7 is kind of a mirror for season 4. He's trying to get back to that narrative and tell the story he wants to tell again. If we look at that, we know that Eddie is incapacitated (shot) at the end of season 4, and that, after his recovery, he tells Buck that he's in his will, that he will get Chris if something happens to him.
Well. Something is really happening to him now. And they couldn't have Eddie near death again, but what if he becomes incapable of taking care of Chris in another way? We know that Helena and Ramon are in the last episode too...what if someone calls them, and they plan to take Chris back to Texas, only for it to be revealed to them that Buck is the one that gets Chris, not them?
This plotline was so strange in so many ways, but I think it served a very specific purpose for Eddie to begin to move beyond his grief over Shannon. And while we are, in no way, finished with the fallout of it, I hope that this conversation with Kim will help him be able to move forward with his life, instead of sticking himself in relationships he thinks he needs to be in to fill the void in his life that he thinks Shannon left.
And yes, I'm a Buck and Eddie truther until the day I die, but I really just want Eddie to begin to process this raw grief, because this was clearly the first time he had even tried.
It seems like we have A LOT to deal with in the finale, and with everything going on, I'll be interested to see the aftermath of this moment, and how it effects Eddie and Chris' relationship in particular.
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paigegonerogue · 2 days
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Something ‘When We Are in Need…’ does SO well is that throughout the whole episode you have the same reactions, and feel the same things as Ellie.
It starts and she’s hungry and Joel’s really sick and it makes you, the viewer, scared for Joel and scared for Ellie, too.
Then she goes hunting and finds the deer and then she meets David, and it’s suspicious and you don’t trust him, then they start to talk and it’s a good time and you almost start to have fun and then…
“James put the gun down.”
Right along with Ellie you think: Oh fuck. Shit just got real.
I watched a video essay on how they were able to accomplish this setup and turn, and it’s really just an incredible feat of writing, directing, and acting.
Then you and her are desperate to heal up Joel, and feel that sad sort of warmth as she cuddles up to him.
Then the Silver Lakers come back and Joel’s helpless and still you feel the same thing as Ellie through the whole sequence, you feel the same worry for Joel and the same intensity. Then she gets taken down and right along with her you think ‘uh-oh’.
The next scene with Ellie is when she wakes up in the cage, and once again it all applies. You, along with Ellie, are super wary of David and are desperate to escape. To get out of there.
Then you see the ear at the same time as Ellie. Even if you already suspected the cannibalism from the earlier scene with the stew, you still have that same disgusted reaction of ‘oh god are they gonna eat her?!’.
Then he takes her hand, and you have that same awful, shuddering realization. Even if you were like me and immediately were like “this guy is definitely bad”, you still get that confirmation, and the you still absolutely have that ‘oh fuck’ moment.
Then she breaks his finger, and just like her you have that moment of victory, before once again it all comes crashing down.
Then through the ‘I’m infected’ and restaurant fire fight your heart is pounding and you’re barely breathing. It’s intense and scary and then he’s on top of Ellie and I don’t think any piece of media has ever gotten me more scared.
Then she starts hacking at his face with the cleaver, and that scene is… indescribable, honestly.
Ellie stumbles out of the burning building and you just feel shocked.
Joel comes up behind her and her pulse jumps momentarily, and then you see it’s Joel and just like Ellie you’re so so glad he’s here. And his ‘I gotchu baby girl’ is in my opinion the most comforting, sad, cathartic moment on television.
The way that we’ve been in Ellie’s shoes the whole episode, with her rather than watching from the outside, makes that final moment so much more impactful. We’ve been through hell with Ellie, and now we get that comfort too. It’s absolutely brilliant filmmaking, and was such a good way to play it for maximum emotional ‘oomf’.
It’s also why I sorta disagree with many of pacing complaints about that episode, because if it was too extended or had unnecessary action scenes it would’ve lost those “shared feelings”.
Also, I know not everyone felt this way watching the episode, especially people who played the games because they already knew what was going to happen, meaning that they couldn’t have those heel turns and realizations that put you so well in Ellie’s head. (I have a different post about this general effect).
But I think it was very intentional, and for people who it worked for it was some of the most impactful, incredible tv, period.
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anthroposeen · 2 days
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tmagp 17 relisten notes!!
as always, tmagp and tma spoilers below the cut! hope you guys enjoy the breakdown :)
celia:
- she's been teleported to another road side, this time very close to a highway in oxford. she missed the play with sam and didnt have a way to contact him about it
- she wants to make up for missing the play by paying for their next date, and seems pretty genuine about her guilt and interest in him
- once the incident ends, she thanks the computer/chester for it. this could have been a sarcastic comment on her part, but it comes across as her acknowledging the case for what it is, and acknowledging that it is somehow curated for her. i think this is evidenced by her telling alice the incident wasnt very useful, implying she tries to find their meaning, and takes them as some form of sentience.
sam:
- he seems a bit peeved that celia didn't call him to tell him she had to cancel, and tells her to not make a habit of this kind of thing. i think its important to keep in mind that we've established he's very sensitive to rejection and people "not having time" for him.
- "im not a big horror fan" who's going to tell him?
alice:
- her computer keeps malfunctioning, showing a jmj error
- shes back to making bad puns and jokes at gwen's expense, a hard shift from her demeanor last episode
- she jokes to gwen about venting their problems as a group exercise, but denies actually having a problem to discuss
gwen:
- she helps alice with the jmj error, and says that colin hasnt been in the office in weeks, though theres no more word in his whereabouts
- she also! denies having anything to talk about! great communication guys!
incident:
- narrated by chester/jon, read at celia's desk.
- incident pulled from the magnus institute oxford outreach center -> important for the obvious reason and because celia woke up in oxford the most recent time she teleported
- darrien is given low viability for agent, subject, and catalyst
- states that "continued incarceration" is the advised method of containing/studying the subject and phenomena, implying that sometime after the statement was given, the magnus institute incarcerated darrien for unknown reasons.
- the statement was given by a man named darrien -> episode 13 also featured a darrien, but it doesn't appear to be the same man to me, i think its most likely that ajn and johhny are just having a good time with recycling names.
- darrien was in a court ordered anger-management program and was transported across dimensions during a therapy session -> intense meditation seemed to be the trigger here
- the receptionist at his therapy office was a "big, soft looking guy" who stumbled over his words, this is followed by the mention of a "bookish looking guy" who darrien says gives him weird pervert vibes. while these are incredibly in character descriptions for them both, i cant say im sure these are alternate-dimension's martin and jon. ide also like to point out that these are characters from darrien's previous universe, not the tmagp one where he finds himself.
- when darrien wakes up from his meditation he has a strong migraine, dry eyes, a stiff neck, and he was dizzy. later, he discovers hes emaciated as he continuously passes out. these symptoms seem to go away as he stays in this dimension
- he woke up in the tmagp universe in a shopping center, coming from a magnus institute outreach post -> seeing as how we know the main building is still active, it could be that the outreach centers also serve as "portals"
- he experienced similar things to anya villette's statement in tma s3. he couldnt contact his employer, had no emergency contact to give the hospital, woke up in a different location, and was taken to the wrong address.
- the tmagp native darrien (who ill call other!darrien for clarity here) was welcoming to his lost doppelgänger, letting him stay in his house and offering him advice on how to keep his anger in check
- darrien describes meeting his other!self as "trying not to fall through the cracks" -> potentially a call back to anya villette's episode "cracked foundation"
- they reasoned the coincidence out by figuring they were half siblings, though they were both named darrien. they discovered a couple of time discrepancies, seeing as their dad died on different days
- the housekeeper, sharon, was wary of them, giving darrien a scared look and looking for opportunities to leave the room when he was around
- when darrien asks how other!darrien manages his anger, hes taken to a heavy door in the basement. there was a single drop of blood on the staircase leading down. ragged breathing and pleading for help rose from below the stairs, and darrien refused to be a part of this anger-vent exercise. he pushed other!darrien into the room, locking it back.
- darrien denies the invitation into the torture chamber, "i couldnt join him down there with my father", later saying he felt guilty for not killing other!darrien and "saving whatever poor soul he had kept". at first, i thought that his other!father was being kept in the basement and tortured, but i think he uses his dad as a metaphor for the anger they both carry. this opens up the scarier realization that other!darrien is just torturing a random person
- once he locked other!darrien in the basement room, he adopted his life.
- sharon didnt return to darrien after her vacation was up, and its thought that she reported him to the institute, where we can assume they began his incarceration
glitches/lies:
- "i'm ok/its ok" spoken by celia as she's trying to reassure herself
- no glitches after gwen and alice say they have nothing to share. its very possible this is because they dont want to share with each other
extra comments:
- the jmj wrror stops popping up after alice proposes talking out their issues as a team, but considering they dont actually do that im chalking it up to a coincidence for now
- this incident follows chester's normal shtick: statement from the magnus institute, directly targeting someones business, and sort of providing a cautionary tale
- this may be my favorite incident so far. it has a very similar vibe to the early tma statements, and an ominous music bit from s1-2 even played briefly as darrien meets his dopplegänger (at least, thats what it sounded like to me). it has a lot of revelation-centered horror that really grabs me, knowing exactly who will be in the house as darrien knocks on the door and following his dopplgänger into the torture room were so vivid for me, its the exact type of horror that always makes me genuinely creeped out!
- this episode raises a lot of questions about the stability of this dimension, and all dimensions in general since there seems to be reoccurring leaks/cracks. this manifests as celia teleporting across space, existing in this universe in general, the giant cavern in the magnus institute ruins, and darrien's adventures in universe-hopping.
- as i mentioned in the incident points, jon and martin have a sort of hinted cameo in darrien's original universe, but a part of me refuses to believe its them just because i enjoy the mystery set up after mag 200. if this is all the content we get of potential jon and martin dopplegängers, ill actually be happy with that. i really do enjoy the notion that they exist in some boring reality somewhere else, and martin still stumbles over his words and jon still needs anger management therapy. i like that theres consistency even in an alternate universe. im certain we wont be seeing these vague background characters again, but i would love to see darrien's reaction to norris's voice.
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arthur-r · 9 months
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tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.
#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month#in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom#if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time)#especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all#anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years????#i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too….#and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight#within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person#so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave#i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place#like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost#and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden????#i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with#i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course#that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and#i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me#and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change#i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal#and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it#my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything#and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again#and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in#(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot)#anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college..#now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here#and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you#think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave….#i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved#because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags….#i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night
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inkskinned · 8 months
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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arolesbianism · 6 months
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Thinks so hard abt swap au Wendy... Worlds lamest trans person sees being turned into a robot as a bad thing smh
#rat rambles#starve posting#now that my friend is an over simplification and in truth his situation is indeed deeply extistenstially horrifying#especially for a child who in no ways could ever be expected to process this at all but is left with nothing else to think about#long story short one night abby was like hey hey wendy you know what we should do? we should go camping!!#and packed a bunch of things a kid would think you need for camping and dragged wendy off into the woody mountains by the cabin their#family was vacationing at despite wendy saying thats a dumb idea and he doesnt want to go#eventually abby chose out a camping spot and ran off to get some firewood leaving wendy to wait and watch their stuff#then webber who as Ive barely but technically explained only half exists is watching sadly in the distance sad he can't join#and wendy sees him and is like wtf and webber gets super excited because wendy can see him but that ends up freaking wendy out more#leading to him backing away as webber tries to get close and slipping and falling down a very steep slope and bonking his head rip#he was basically dead and webber was upset and felt bad so he took it upon himself to save wendy's brain and make him a new body!#but since wendy's brain was pretty fucked a lot had to be replaced with robotic parts and pretty much all of wendy's memories were lost#he has some very very corrupted memory from the last night before he died and some scattered memories from when webber was testing shit#before his body was fully made and thats everything he could remember when waking up in his new body for the first time#to be clear he wasn't conscious the Entire time webber was working on his new body since webber kept him in a sleep like state mostly#only pulling him out of it for certain tests where he wanted his brain to be more responsive#mostly just to test like his eyes and ears and such#but yeah he got seperated from webber in a ~wild wacky storm~ and woke up alone in the constant proper#he is like soooo fucking miserable like all the time hes constantly feeling phantom pain and remebers just enough to know hes missing smth#and it only gets worse after he and abby are reunited because despite this being the one person he can vaguely remember being important to#him he cant seem to feel that same sense of familiarity he remembers feeling before and it just makes him more miserable#this ofc makes abby also freak out and since her way of dealing with things she doesnt know how to deal with is hard denial it gets worse#I <3 tragic siblings#but yeah wendy mostly copes with his situation by mangling critters into fucked up drone things to feel in control of smth#asside from the abby situation tho in general things start slowly getting better after he joins the other survivors#mostly just because he actually has to be like. a person. and while it is rly hard for him and he doesn't see himself as a person anymore#that doesnt stop unoticed progress from happening just due to the nature of being a person in a group of ppl who treat him as a person#and he and abby slowly start to bridge the gap between them but its very very rough for the first good while#its mostly a matter of abby calming down enough to realize that wendy is stressed out by this just as much if not more
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meiieiri · 29 days
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when do we get to see megumi in your new series ^3^
𝐛𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 ! [toji fushiguro]
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synopsis: “you really are your mother’s son,” toji grumbles to megumi as the little brat yet again refuses another kiss from him.
pairing: toji fushiguro x f!reader | art: @/amulin67 on twt/ig | hidden inventory: the lost tapes series masterlist
warnings: n/a | a/n: finally welcoming megumi to this series, yay! 💓💞
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“I’m just gonna go nap for a bit. Promise me you’ll wake me up if something happens. But either way, his bottle is over there, just heat it up when he gets hungry and you know where his diapers are—“
You are interrupted by a sweet kiss that still manages to catch you off guard ‘till this day.
“I wasn’t done, you know.” You place your hands on your hips, shooting him a warning glance. “And don’t you go tossing him too high. Need I remind you, our apartment has a literal ceiling fan—“
“—You worry too much,” Toji cuts you off again with another kiss. “Not gonna lie though, seeing you all worked up like that is kinda turning me on.”
“You’re horrible,” you conclude. Honestly, at this point, almost anything and everything you do can be classified as a thirst trap for Toji. You blush when Toji inches closer, his hips pressed against yours, a smirk plastered on his face when he sneakily squeezes your ass causing you to yelp. “Ah! Toji!” you swat his hand away, burying your blushing face in his chest.
Chuckling at you, he plants a soft kiss on your temple as he pulls away. “Alright, mama, go get some rest. I’ll hold down the fort.”
“Thank you.”
No one ever told you that motherhood would be so stressful. Which is why you’re so blessed to have a supportive husband who may have started out a little awkward with caring for your newborn son but gradually became a natural with this whole fatherhood business as time went by. And that’s mostly because when Megumi arrived in this world at half past two in the afternoon of December 22 with nothing more but a small hiccup as he slipped into his papa’s waiting arms, Toji fell in love. And you don’t pretend to not know why. Because whenever you look at Megumi, your heart always just seems to melt at his pudgy rose-colored cheeks and his deep expressive green eyes that fill up with tears regardless if he’s crying or being overcome by a laughing fit whenever you pepper his tiny face with kisses.
Speaking of kisses, today’s latest fiasco is centered exactly on that: kisses.
You see, you have this habit that goes way back to when you and Toji first started dating. Toji remembers it well, you have certain moods when it comes to kisses. Sometimes, you’re the one initiating it which mostly results in Toji becoming an incoherent blushing mess, or most times, Toji gets the party started by slowly kissing up your neck, his breath hot on your earlobe as he presses his hips against yours while you slept fitfully, your hushed dulcet whines ringing in his ear as your lips instinctively find each other. Fun fact: that’s exactly how Megumi came to be.
But there are times too, when you were just not having it and you’d gently nudge Toji’s face away when he tries to kiss you.
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It was a typical afternoon. Toji didn’t have work that day which was a huge relief for him because you’ve been suffering from dizziness and lower back pain all day. And being the helicopter partner and soon-to-be papa that he is, Toji keeps a close eye on you as you nap the afternoon away on the couch. He smiles softly as he sees you instinctively put a protective hand over your belly whenever you’d feel the slightest movements from the baby.
“Shhh, you’re alright,” he’d whisper to you as you slept, combing his fingers through your hair, a permanent worried frown on his face when a whimper falling from your pursed lips as the baby kicks you again. “It’s just the overgrown parasite fidgeting around.”
“Don’t call him that.” You brush his hand away, your eyebrows knitting in discomfort.
Toji chuckles, going to press a kiss to your soft lips only for you to place your entire palm on his face, applying gentle force to pry him away. “I mean, what is he then? Other than this thing that competes for your nutrients? He’s—“
“—Our baby boy.”
“—An overgrown parasite.”
Fuming at his words, you decide to hit back with a quick retort of your own. “Yeah? It really does take one to know one, huh?”
“What a cute comeback but maybe not as cute as you,” Toji smirks, his hand gently removing your smaller one from his face, his lips puckered up as he leans in. Teasingly, you place a hand over your lips, still refusing to indulge him with his much-craved kisses. “Come on, I just want one sloppy one~”
“No!” Your laughter-filled voice comes out muffled against your palm.
“Mm, yes,” Toji teases. “Yes. Come on, baby, just one.”
“You and I both know it’s never just one.”
Of course. Why else would you be in this situation if Toji knew how to spell the words: self and control? Still, it’s not like the two of you were complaining. After all, the bond you and Toji share is an unbreakable one that’s only been strengthened by time and the many trials you’ve survived together. And now, the arrival of the very product of your love is only a hair’s breath away. Toji rests his chin on top of your head, plopping down next to you and spooning you from behind. “Guilty as charged.”
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And unfortunately, it seemed your son had inherited that troublesome quirk of yours and it’s beginning to break Toji’s infuriated heart because whenever he tries to give Megumi a kiss…
“Mmph—“
There it was.
Toji’s eyes shot open, grimacing as Megumi turns his head away, his eyes trained stubbornly on his dog plushie, and his chubby hands pushing his poor papa’s chin away with all the might a six-month-old like him could muster. And to top things off, he must be imagining things because newborns surely couldn’t scowl right? Their tiny little brains couldn’t possibly have enough electrical energy to charge a snow globe much less, learn how to hate certain people’s kisses.
“You little shit—“
Sure enough, the tiny little baby seems gravely unamused, his eyebrows are knitted, the corner of his lips curled into a disappointed frown as if to say: Go kiss someone else, you even bigger shit.
Toji mirrors the unfriendly scowl on his son’s face, noting how Megumi seems to be glaring at him. Oh, okay. The brat ain’t messing around, his eyes twitches but somehow, Toji is also a picture of a proud father. At least the little shit’s got spunk. And he wonders momentarily who he should blame for that.
Definitely not him, that’s for sure.
Toji doesn’t recall the last time he’s ever had the comforts of a peace like this one. Actually, this might just be the first time that Toji knew what that word meant: “peace”. A freedom from disturbance; tranquility, as per the Merriam Webster Dictionary. But Toji has a better definition for peace: you and Megumi.
But…
“I meant what I said to your mother though,” Toji engages in a one-way conversation with his son. He won’t recall any of this, but it didn’t hurt for Toji to be candid about his feelings every now and then especially when it came to this little one that came accidentally into your lives but brightened it up nonetheless. “The two of you would be better off — maybe even happier — with someone else.” He presses his thumb against Megumi’s cheek. “It’s what you two deserve.”
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He’s been gone close to a whole day now and you were probably beginning to worry. Out of all the shitty things Toji has done, this, by far, has to be the shittiest. Standing outside a pachinko den, his back pressed against the wall, and his hand absentmindedly playing with the tokens he just bought. When he left the apartment that day, you knew that could very well be the last time you ever see him. Types like him aren’t keen on the whole picket fence idea of settling down.
“I’m heading out today.”
Your blood runs cold when Toji steps into the kitchen to inform you of his plans. You don’t even bother to look at him, your gaze simply settled on the positive pregnancy test on the table. The right thing to do was to stay, he should have held you in his arms and tell you that everything’s going to be okay not plant seeds of doubt in your mind by taking off and running away like a coward.
But for once, Toji was scared.
He had no business becoming a father when he’s lived in a dysfunctional household for majority of his life. What good would he even impart to his child? His pathetic existence has been a picture of disorder that was only recently resolved when you came into the picture. Well, if he were being completely honest, he still hasn’t figured things out quite as well yet. And as a father, that could be catastrophic for a child that required stability if nothing else.
Frowning, Toji leaves the pachinko den, chucking the tokens in the trash. It was far too early in the day to be hanging around shady places like these anyway. He wanders the streets for a good while, his hands buried in his jacket’s pockets as his mind swirls with thoughts about the all too terrifying future.
A pang of guilt strikes his heart and he wonders what you’re doing now. You must still be in the kitchen, your face buried in your hands as you try to think of something. You were probably assuming he wasn’t coming back. After all, you did say: “I don’t wanna pressure you into staying, Toji. You deserve to live your life the way you want it.”
A life without you? Sounds pretty miserable.
Toji must have been walking on autopilot because for some reason, he unknowingly finds himself in front of a bank. Mizuho Bank, Toji reads the sign, his eyes flicking over to one of the posters plastered on the window about opening a savings account.
He looks at the promotional material, transfixed at the picture of a family of four donning on those typical wide stupid grins in ads, the father is holding a hundred yen bill and is seen dropping it into a piggy bank that was filled with both cash and words like: health insurance, family vacation, utility bills, rent, tax, school, and…happiness.
Toji returns to the apartment at around eight in the evening after making a quick stop at the supermarket and the pharmacy. He finds you asleep on the couch, your cheeks stained with dry tears. He crouches on the edge of the couch, worriedly taking in your appearance. You’ve been crying. “Hey…hey, wake up,” he gently shakes you awake and your tired eyes flutter open. “Got you something.”
He holds out a shopping bag, chock full of fresh produce, and from the pharmacy, some camphor oil to relieve your symptoms and those folate supplements the attending pharmacist kept yapping about.
“You didn’t leave,” you said, bewildered. “I thought you—“
“—You thought wrong,” Toji says firmly. He pulls out something from his back pocket and you stare at him, perplexed.
“A bank passbook?” You open it to see that Toji had just made his first deposit amounting to fifty thousand yen earlier today. “You opened a savings account?”
Toji nods, looking a little proud of himself. “Yeah,” he tries to play it off with a shrug of his shoulders. “Every week, we’ll be depositing fifteen thousand yen in that thing. Ten thousand for your maternity needs, and five for the little brat’s schooling one day.”
Tears spring to your eyes upon realizing that Toji was here to stay. “You mean you’re—?” You are cut off by a warm kiss on your lips, and you place a hand over Toji’s chest, your fingertips gripping the fabric of his shirt as his lips move against yours. He pulls away after a while.
“Gonna spite the hell out of the Zenin clan and send my brat to the most expensive preschool in Tokyo? Yes, I am.”
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Toji sighs, his thumb rubbing across Megumi’s chubby cheek. “But maybe — just maybe — hear me out and don’t you give me another glare.” Megumi’s not gonna remember any of this. After all, memories begin when the brain can fully register speech. But Toji felt the need to say this so, subconsciously, his son will understand just how much he’s done and he’s willing to do for the both of you.
“…Maybe I deserve the two of you too, you know.”
Megumi looks up at his father, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. Toji sticks his tongue out at the little one causing the latter to…hiccup? Nah, Toji was sure that was a giggle.
Smirking, Toji leans down to give his son a kiss, thinking he’s patched things up between them now only for Megumi to curl up again, his feet and hands resisting against Toji, his lip downturned in effort as he pushes him away yet again. Conceding, Toji grumbles, rubbing the spot where Megumi roughly pushed him away.
“You really are your mother’s son.”
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millyhelp · 3 months
Text
Jason had just woken up. the large arm stretched out so he could pull you by the waist and snuggle you into him. Your side of the bed was empty and cold. Your cell phone wasn't on the nightstand.
Where are you?
Panic broke out in Jason's mind, making the post-sleep haze disappear. You never wake up before him.
Jason stood up with only his black Versace underwear on his body. He went to the bathroom, you weren't there, he went to the office and you weren't there. He always kept weapons hidden around the apartment and this was a time when he picked up a 9mm that was under a corner table in the apartment's hallway.
"Where are you?..." Jason's voice sounded shaky. His hands were tight on the gun in his hands.
He went to the kitchen and walked through the living room, guest room, you were nowhere to be found.
Did she leave me? Could it be that she abandoned me? What did I do wrong?
Jason ran his hands through his hair. No sign of you. Not your purse, not your keys, nothing. For a moment he thought you were just a dream, but no, the nail marks that burned on his back and the hickeys along his chest and abs proved otherwise.
The sound of the door unlocking made him alert at the front door. It opened and there you were. A sigh of relief left Jason's lips. He ran over to you and pulled you towards him.
"Jay-oh, hey..." The bags that were in your hand fell to the floor and you struggled to close the door and hug Jason then. Thick tears that Jason had no idea he was shedding before you arrived wet your shoulder.
"Where-" a sob left Jason's lips "Where were you?"
"I just went to buy things to make you lunch, babe..." You ran your hands welcomingly along Jason's back. He was holding you tight to his body. "You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you up."
her smell. she is here. she didn't leave. I'm not alone. it's her. she is here.
"I'm here now, it's okay." You kissed his neck sweetly and he whimpered. "I'm here..."
"Dont leave me... please..." he whispered
"i won't. im sorry for not waking you up." Jason looked into your eyes. The arms were still around you, you felt cold metal on your back. "What is that?"
Jason remembered he still had the pistol in his hand. He showed you and you looked at him in surprise.
"I thought someone took you from me." The face, red and wet with tears, spoke with melancholy. "I would kill anyone who tried to take you from me."
your heart pounded in your chest. He really thought someone had taken you or that you were gone. You took the bags in your hands. "Come with me. Let's leave this in the kitchen and I'll go back to bed with you, put that gun away, it's not necessary." You said sweetly and kissed Jason's cheek.
Jason nodded. He still had one hand on your waist, he wasn't going to let you go anywhere soon.
you walked to the kitchen and placed the bags on the counter. Jason put the gun next to the things and hugged you from behind while you took the things you bought out of the bag.
his large slender fingers caressed your belly while he watched you attentively and in silence taking things away. Jason's thoughts were lost on you and only you. the way you moved, everything about you gave him peace of mind, his mind wasn't an enemy when you were present.
"a penny for your thoughts." You said with a smile on your lips.
"You."
"Me?" You giggled and felt Jason nod and then felt him rest his chin on your left shoulder.
"Yes." He whispered. "What will you do?"
"a brazilian dish. feijoada is the name." You sigh when you manage to finish taking everything out of the bags.
"hmm." Jason mutters. "can we go to bed now?"
you took Jason's hand and guided him to the bedroom. You only realized that he was only in his underwear when you took off your dress and lay down in just your bra and panties.
You opened your arms to Jason and he buried his face in the middle of your breasts. "Would you kill a kidnapper with just your underwear on?"
"Mhm..." He muttered and you giggled. Jason squeezed your hips, pulling you closer, if that was possible.
"Don't ever do that again..." he said quietly "Never leave again without at least telling me, please..."
"I promise." You kissed Jason's forehead and he buried his face in the valley of your breasts again.
he was finally at peace again and could go back to having a peaceful sleep while in your arms.
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rizsu · 7 months
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ex-husband!gojo, who wakes up every morning to his disappointment. it's been well over a couple months, yet he still extends his arm to feel for you.
ex-husband!gojo, who still has your contact saved as his main emergency contact. he uses this to his advantage— ringing your phone with the excuse of being "too drunk to drive." it works. he isn't exactly high off his brain, but he has alcohol in his system.
ex-husband!gojo, who happened to spot you with another man. who is he? is he your friend? your lover? perhaps you met after the divorce? whatever the status is, it doesn't help to soothe his jealousy. it's not like he can walk up to you — you might issue a restraining order against him.
ex-husband!gojo, who finds himself at your doorstep. it's late, storming, and you're probably asleep. he doesn't move. mind set in chaos as he ponders whether he should leave or ring the bell. he wants to see you, but the look of disgust he might receive is something he isn't ready to face.
ex-husband!gojo, who's shocked that you opened the door. he didn't ring the bell. were you already there? probably. his throat ran dry, unable to speak a word. you're leaning on the door's frame, arms crossed as you tilt your head. "you need something, gojo?" you asked, not willing to receive an answer.
"can i — can i come in?" he stutters, a little shocked at the use of his surname. the little sparkle of hope that you continue using his first name has been dusted.
ex-husband!gojo, who's fidgety in your home. your silence isn't helping him relax. hell, he hasn't known relaxation ever since the divorce. "help yourself to the kitchen. sleep wherever, i'm going back to bed," your voice held no volume of softness. it was as if you were but a stranger, yet he refuses to let you become one.
"then, may i sleep in your room? on the floor, of course," he's hesitant with his request, deciding it's best to justify himself, "i don't know my way around this house."
ex-husband!gojo, who's yet again stunned that you allowed him in your room — let alone your bed. now he's as still as a stick, unable to fall asleep due to his itching urge to pull you into him. you're most likely sound asleep, uncaring to the man you once called your husband.
ex-husband!gojo, who calls out to you, keeping his voice low as he speaks, "can we talk?"
you replied to him, voice still holding its tone of harshness, "what is there to talk about?"
"anything. how's life been for you?" he keeps his speech short, afraid of annoying you. it's a little late for that, however. you're already annoyed by the attempt of useless talks. "just get to the point, gojo."
and so he follows, sighing before he reveals his intentions, "i fucking missed you, that's all."
ex-husband!gojo, who's surprised when you sat up. although your room holds no light due to the black-out curtains, his eyes adjusted to its darkness, being able to see your every feature. your face, hands, neck, collarbone, chest — everything. he misses being able to run his hands through your body ever-so lovingly. when you lowered yourself right above his face, his eyes kept your gaze. your jaw's clenched. why does he look as if he lost everything? wasn't the divorce mutual?
ex-husband!gojo, who's rendered speechless when your voice cracked. he didn't expect it, nor did he expect you to say what you did. "i missed you, too." did you really miss him? he feels as though he's being lied to. raising a hand to cup your cheek, he shares his words, "really? then why not act on it if you're not lying?"
ex-husband!gojo, who happily accepts your kiss, moving his hand from your cheek to your nape. softly pushing you closer to himself — and to deepen the kiss. it's soft but rough. passionate but seeping with hatred. it's everything at once. you're pulling at his hair, purposefully tugging it as if you're using it to distract yourself from the escaping emotions. he's the same. using his other hand to travel along the junction of your neck and shoulder, squeezing it each time he feels to let the tears flow.
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horrorartsworld · 4 months
Note
Hi, I saw your posts and I liked them, so I thought I'll make a request, Adam x fem Reader smut, Adam fucks Lucifer's wife so he can get revenge on Lucifer and Lucifer ends up finding out
OOOOOOO spicy spicy. lemme see what i can do >:)
꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷
revenge is sweet
adam/lucifer’s demon wife f!reader
warnings: 18+ nsfw BE WARNED OOOHOHOOO
nsfw part two with lucifer !!
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As you lie in bed you couldn’t help but realize how distant your husband has truly been these last few months.
Never really answering your calls, waking up in the morning with him not laying beside you, hardly ever going on dates or just spending quality time together, and more importantly you’ve haven’t had sex in a hot minute.
It was all just adding up over the course of time and you didn’t want to seem like you weren’t being understanding to his needs since he was the overlord of hell after all and there were many times he was needed to help Charlie with the hotel, but you needed your fair share of attention too.
In which you weren’t getting at all this very moment.
Thrashing around in your bed you start to get fed up with these pointless thoughts making you finally sit up rather annoyed. Not helping the fact that your eyes immediately gravitate to your phone snatching it off the dresser to see if he’s even bothered messaging you, not one peep.
Grumbling you jump out of bed as you stomped your way into your closet to put something sexy on to wear out. Dressing yourself in a short black dress that fit nicely around the waist, fishnets underneath and some boots to match. This was usually something you’d wear before you met Luci, but now was not the time to dwell on old things as you looked at yourself in the mirror watching your pointed tail thrash behind you feeling very pleased with yourself and outfit.
Not shortly after you were out the door and walking down the streets of Hell looking for anything to fuck up or a place to drown your sorrows at the bottom of a bottle with this new found energy in you. Then bingo you finally approach it….a flashy new night club that must’ve just opened about a week ago. Seeming to be a little too close to the outskirts of heaven for your comfort, but you tried to not pay it much mind as the neon lights were calling your name.
Once you walk in the whole place is alive and packed. Music is blaring and dancers are dancing, everyone’s having the time of their lives, but you couldn’t shake this weird feeling as you noticed what looked like angels dressed in revealing clothing taking demons back to the establishments private rooms. This had to be some sick joke you just happened to walk in on that you wanted absolutely no part of.Quickly putting your hood on to conceal some of your identity in hopes to go unnoticed by anyone around since you were the overlords second wife after all and would hate to have something like this get back to him.
Strolling up to the bar you order the strongest drink they got, downing it within seconds before you were given another one and downing that one too, impressing some of the patrons sat beside you who looked they had measly drinks compare to yours. 
You softly chuckle to yourself before looking off at one of the dancers getting money thrown at them lost in thought, that you quickly got snapped out of when the doors of the club were snatched open and as if a large flashlight was shinned inside the dimly lit club revealing all of its nasty secrets, none other than the purest of pure himself, Adam, had strolled in.
“Oh shit…” you grimace knowing damn well if he saw you he’d make your life a living hell as if you weren’t already living in it. As you try to scoot away to a more inconspicuous spot in the club away from the utter chaos commencing and raunchy comments you feel a shameful tug at the end of your tail making your body freeze instantaneously.
“Well well well…why look at what we have here~” his voice having a more sinful touch to it as he started reeling you in closer to him by your tail till your back was pressed against his chest.
“Adam…this isn’t the time or the place…” you hiss trying to pull your tail away that he had rather a firm grip on.
“Ohhh come on my nasty little vixen…you know we have history that runs DEEP…if you know what i mean~” the annoying slickness in his voice was surprisingly making your thighs quiver as he playfully thrusted against your behind after implying the ‘deep’ past you two shared. Your mind was scrabbling with both the booze and his words mixing in making it hard for you to even think straight though the feeling deep in your core was enough to make your emotions quite clear.
“T-that was a long time ago…i-i’m changed now~” Not controlling the stammer in your voice as he tugs down your hood revealing your demon like features as you hurriedly try to pull the hood back up letting Adam get a glimpse of your wedding ring.
He scoffs as a more pissed off look contorted on his face grabbing your hand now roughly taking a look at the big diamond decorating your ring finger. “Don’t tell me you married that fucking loser..”
You flinched as he mentioned him, knowing better than anyone about their long and ongoing rivalry as you just so happened to be one of the main factors of it.
Being one of Adam’s number one girls and then getting the boot not shortly after and to have Lucifer pick up all the pieces was bringing too many feelings back that you just tried to get rid of and now they were knocking down your door once more.
“So, what if i did…it’s not like you ever had the balls” you taunt snatching your hand back.
“Oh honey i have the balls…and the dick…it’s just your choice if you want ether one of them~”
It took everything in your power right then in there not to slap him with that now smug look playing back on his face. “You’re still so insufferable”
“Just the way you like it sweet cheeks~”
“Please don’t call me that” You huff facing away from him and towards the bar once more as you then feel the pressure of his hard-on against your ass.
“C’mon i’m just having a little fun….and i think someone else wants to too~” He mutters huskily amongst your ear so only the two of you could hear as he embarrassingly started rocking his hips against your ass.
You turn hastily as you begin pushing him towards one of the private rooms, getting suspicious looks from club goers as you then slam the door locking it.
“What the fuck was that Adam?!” You shout with your horns growing and tail thrashing rather quickly.
He shrugs trying to act harmless now as if he wasn’t just dry humping you infront all those people.
“It got us alone didn’t it?” a smirk forming on his lips as he walks over to you looking down with a hint of mischief in his eye that always made you melt on the spot like it was doing right now.
Your morals wanting to play a big role so badly in this situation but something inside you didn’t want to stop as he let his fingers tease off your jacket making it fall to the ground with a thud.
Breath hitching as he pulls you closer, lips just a few tantalizing inches apart as he looks down at them and then back at you before whispering, “I’m gonna fuck you like he never could.”
Then his lips were hungrily on you in a messy tongue kiss, mouths clashing together as his hands found their way to your ass giving it a nice squeeze before turning the two of you around and making your way to the bed.
The backs of your knees catching the end of it causing you to fall back with him falling on top of you never breaking the kiss as you start to undo his robe letting your delicate fingers playfully rub against his skin making him shiver before the robe was completely discarded with much haste.
Along with your dress not far after but he kept your fishnets on seeing your panties through them seemed to be doing something for him as he broke the kiss cursing under his breath as he turned you around with your ass poking up.
“Such a fucking slut aren’t you?”
He sends a nice slap against your ass causing a mewl to escape your lips in response as a red hand print started to form along your precious skin.
Not being able to pull his gaze away from the sight as he sent another slap against your ass watching you grip the sheets infront of you as your tail flicked up and against his chest with another mewl coming from you. He chuckled lowly to himself noticing the wet patch starting to form along your panties all by chest spanking your ass like he was.
“You’re such a nasty girl aren’t you, getting spanked by someone who isn’t your husband~” he asks again stroking his own ego though it just turned you on more, he suddenly ripped open your fishnets along with your panties with such sudden strength making you gasp as the coolness of the air hit your exposed wetness.
He gently stroked two digits along your sweet folds smearing the slick along them as it causes you bits of pleasure making your tail wrap around his wrist to keep him going.
Though his fingers went away once you did making you pout as he then suddenly wrapped a hand around your tail raising your ass somewhat in the air as he slapped it with the other once again.
“That’s a bad girl…using your tail to make me go faster~” he tuts watching as you wither underneath him as you were helpless with your tail in his grasp like this.
“m- sorry~” you say softly almost pleadingly with your need so obviously infront of him.
“Atta girl baby…saying sorry to the one who really owns you~” he senses your urgency and he can practically see the drip of your pussy infront of him making his dick twitch in the confines of his boxers.
A low growl comes from him behind you as he continues to keep a strong hold on your tail as the point flicks in his fist and quickly pulls out his dick without wasting time to position himself at your entrance as pushes himself inside you not giving you a moment to adjust as he bottoms out.
Whining uncomfortably at his size as he starts to set a slow and deliberate pace, savoring the sensation of your tight body enveloping him.
“Shhhh you can take it~” he encourages as he leans down capturing one of your horns in his other hand pulling you back to kiss along your neck as he arched your back for you with his hold. The angle was hitting a certain spot inside of you it was making it more pleasurable to the point you were seeing stars as he then increased his pace. His thrusts becoming more possessive and greedy in his attempts to claim you from that bastard.
Your moans were confirming this making his thrusts quicken in pace just to hear every one of those noises come out of you. Making you get closer to your release already, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer ether as he pushed as many out as he could before you were clamping down on him.
A loud cry rippling out of your throat as your body spasmed against him as the ecstasy fueled your veins. “That’s it….cum for me…know who owns this pussy~”
Feeling the intoxicating tightness of your walls milking his cock and the overwhelming pleasure coursing through his own body, Adam couldn’t take it any longer to hold back and with his own loud groan, he releases himself inside you, filling you up nicely with his warmth.
He didn't care if he came inside of you, he wanted him to know exactly who marked his territory here and who rightfully owned you no matter the marital status. 
Adam falls beside you laying on his back with his hands behind his head, quite happy with himself as you crawl up to cuddle against him.
As you lay there for a moment against Adam’s chest catching your breath you hear a foreign noise of buzzing coming from next to you repeatedly.
Looking down at your phone to your surprise to see almost 50+ miss calls and texts from Lucifer.
You curse under your breath as you pick all your things up and hurriedly put your clothes back on. Managing to struggle putting your dress back on almost tripping and falling all the while Adam watches you from the bed with the covers only covering his bottom half as he was laid out like he wanted to be painted like a french girl with a shit-eating grin plastered along his face.
“Awww does the big man want you back already?”
Scuffing as you didn’t really want to hear any more of his smartass mouth you left heading back to you and Lucifer’s home.
——————
Later that night you feel the warmth spread in your cheeks as you did your best to avoid eye contact with your husband as he was pacing in your shared bedroom wondering where the hell you’ve been and babbling on and on about how he’s been worried sick, until you blurted out about your whereabouts.
Immediately regretting it as the words slipped from your mouth.
“HE DID WHAT?!”
Rubbing the back of your arm sheepishly as you stood there watching Lucifer’s eyes turn red as his demon form became more prominent, teeth snarling as he came closer to you. “Well….hehe…we’ll just have to fix that, won’t we my love?” danger laced in his voice as he closed the space between you two.
“oh i’m fucked.”
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dante-mightdie · 27 days
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Not enough suffering. I need to cry.
The boys just continue to pretend that reader no longer exists. Becoming more of a fly on the wall then a roommate they occasionally fuck.
Soon they just leave you out of everything, dinner? There was not even leftovers for reader, no scrapes left either.
Reader won't leave because they will soon come back around tho right? >:')
god I just love PAIN
c/w: neglect, angst, no happy ending in this one, brief mentions of sex
it becomes a very depressing and very predictable pattern from them. wake up, avoid you then go to sleep. even when they speak to you, they’re never saying much. normally just a reminder that you left dishes in the sink or something mundane
you held out hope for the first few days, especially when simon came slinking over to you one night in the kitchen, bending you over the counter and having his way with you. his rough hands and fast pace made your heart swell solely because you missed having one of them even touch you
but when he just buckled up his trousers and left without a word, you realise you’re still on time out
sometimes you’re asleep before they get home, locked up in the spare room as you sniffle into your pillow. they don’t even come to check on you and you begin to wonder what conclusion they came to on your whereabouts. do they even know you’re at home? do they care?
every day of the month, you and the boys are supposed to set aside a night to go out for a date. seems your invite was lost in the post when you see them all dressed up, talking amongst themselves about the pub they’re going to
“can I come?” you ask, standing in the doorway and playing with your fingers nervously. the laughing and chattering stops instantly, all four heads turning to you as if they didn’t even know you were there. you know what the answer is going to be before any of them say anything
“you won’t like this place. it-“ john starts, and you know he’s about to list off some lazy excuse as to why you won’t like it. as if that was even the point. you don’t go on date nights with them for the actual drinks or decor. you go to spend time with them but they clearly didn’t want you there so you simply wouldn’t go
“whatever.” you mumble, rolling your eyes and turning to leave what was once your shared bedroom so they don’t see the tears in your eyes. you slam the door to the spare bedroom, throwing yourself onto the mattress and sobbing into the pillow
you hear a light tap on the door before it opens. you cease your crying almost instantly, keeping your back turned towards the door. your heart rate picks up and that sick familiar feeling of hope crawls its way back into your chest, “we weren’t saying you can’t come with us. come if you want just don’t make us wait around forever whilst you get ready.”
the sound of kyle’s voice fills the room but you can tell he doesn’t really want to be speaking to you, like simon or the captain told him to come do some damage control so you wouldn’t throw a strop about not being invited. you keep your back turned to him, nuzzling your head further into the pillow
“jus’ go without me.” you sniffle, “it’s not like you really want me there anyway.”
kyle sighs at your words and you hear your door softly click close and everyone’s feet shuffling downstairs before they go out the front door, leaving you alone again
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oldpotatoe · 8 months
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"the first casualty, when war comes, is truth"
i wish i wasn't writing this.
i wish i didn't have to caveat this whole statement with "by the way, i strongly condemn the killing of innocent civilians in any circumstance whatsoever" because i am a muslim and obviously every muslim voice represents all 1.8 billion of us, right? but your faves can go on instagram and loudly proclaim there is no two sides to this - i stand with the apartheid state bombing and starving children! with no consequences whatsoever. right.
i wish i didn't have to filter every bit of information i saw because of rampant lies and misinformation boosted across social media, especially when it shrouds the actual atrocities happening. it's still unconfirmed whether 40 babies were murdered by hamas militants - if true, it is an awful, awful act done by the lowest of the low. but as we speak, 447 children have been confirmed to be killed - murdered - in gaza just in the last few days.
i wish i didn't see videos of those murders. i wish i could wipe away the horrific wailing of a father as he clawed his daughter's lifeless body out of rubble, falling to his knees as he cried for her to wake. i wish i didn't see mothers clutching small, bloodied bundles in their hands, screaming and screaming and screaming. i wish i could forget that i have been seeing iterations of these videos coming out of palestine from 2021, 2014, 2009, 2006 - oh, basically anytime israel decided to launch an offensive on gaza.
i wish children didn't make up 47% of gaza's 2 million population, of which 4 out of 5 were living with PTSD and depression as per a report from last year (aka before this latest shitstorm started), because living in an open air prison under constant threat of bombing really helps make those childhood memories extra special. i wish these children were considered as human as those across the border, their lives as important and meaningful.
i wish that literal war crimes were not taking place in gaza right now. this includes the war crimes by hamas of taking innocent hostages - hamas, may i remind the reader, is a palestinian terrorist organisation but not all palestinians are hamas - and also the war crimes of the israeli government by literally ordering a siege of gaza with "no electricity, no food, and no fuel." this is to ensure that the children who aren't already dead are well on their way, i guess.
i wish we weren't watching an ethnic cleansing literally taking place in front of our eyes.
i wish i didn't feel so helpless. i wish i could console my friends who are on the daily losing multitudes of relatives, and who now have no way of finding out who else they've lost until the electricity comes back on. i wish my words didn't feel so hollow.
i wish i could wave a palestinian flag in solidarity but i may get arrested for it here, in the uk, so better not.
i wish. i wish. i wish.
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ceilidho · 3 months
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prompt: forced throuple au; Ghost decides that you and Johnny are his (part 3; ghoap x reader) part 1, part 2
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“What is this anyway—‘bring your girlfriend to work’ day?”
She’s snarky as ever, but with an agitated edge. Nerves prickling when Johnny holds her jacket out for her to slip her arms into. Even that makes her snap—something about not being a toddler that Johnny needs to help dress, but by then his head is in the clouds. In another place altogether. 
The prospect of getting to parade his new girl around leaves him giddy, fox-like grin hard to squash. He doesn’t suppress anything, finds it hard to push things down. When he does, it’s often unconscious. 
She doesn’t like the way he savours her anxiety like a fine wine, sniffs it from the top of her head and groans out his breath, cackling when she tries to stomp on his foot to make him go away. He dances away with her coat, light and nimble on his feet because he’s used to ducking and weaving for her affection. 
“The guys wanna meet ye,” he repeats for the umpteenth time. It’s surprising how many times he’s had to say it. 
“Why? Haven’t they ever met a girl before?” she gripes, swallowing now, her stomach probably cramping and poor bonnie lass, Johnny thinks. His poor, pretty girl is trying to put on a brave face when he knows she prefers being in the backroom of her little flower shop, snipping off stalks and tying pretty bows around pretty bouquets. He wishes he could keep her back there forever—put a lock on the door and come only to smother her in kisses and gorge himself on every inch of her—but there’s a whole wide world demanding his attention. 
“Aye, hen, never a lass as cute and sweet as ye,” he crows, ducking a hand that punches through the sleeve of her jacket in his direction. 
In the car, he drops the facade. Loses his teasing edge. It’s a violent removal, like jolting awake to the sound of someone sawing away at a catalytic converter. If his smile is saccharine, it’s really only a smokescreen concealing the apprehension bubbling away in his belly. 
He drums his fingers on the steering wheel on the drive back to base. Heart in his throat, choking his words and rendering him quiet for once in his life. He hears Ghost’s voice in his head, a low rumbling laugh, tectonic plates shifting beneath his feet. These days, his voice acts as a lodestar, the thing steering Johnny home. 
Months ago, it was the only thing between him and annihilation, the ice cold maelstrom dragging him deeper into its maw. Guiding him through the valley of death. The wound in his arm still aches in the first light of day. His sleep is still wracked by dreams of running down alleys and ducking into houses, the rain pattering against the window panes ominous, a ticking clock, each step having to be precise, calculated, each movement quieter than quiet, fading into the shadows, a cool heart and mind bested by agony from the bulletwound in his shoulder.
And then—Ghost’s voice, low and soothing in his ear, shattering the pain. Ghost’s voice in his ear telling him where to go, how to survive. 
It’s hard to explain. Johnny’s tried. It’s like talking in circles when he opens his mouth and tries to get it out. I trust him with everything in me. He could do anything to me, anything. 
He is no less capable, no less competent. His rank demands respect, and he takes what’s due to him. Since Las Almas, he’s worked across a medley of other teams, even solo a time or two. It changes nothing. He still wakes in a sweat, chasing that voice. It takes him back into the real world. The days burn into the fringes of a memory that he is always living.
“Should I know anyone’s name before we get there?”
Her voice breaks through the noise in his head this time. It’s every bit as precious. 
“What d’ye mean, hen?” he asks, clucking his tongue. Sweats a bit when he realizes how far down the motorway they are now, how long it’s been since he checked out, lost in his thoughts. One hand rests loose on her leg, fingers spread wide and thumb gliding up and down her outer thigh, the other still holding the wheel. 
The pinched look has mostly fallen off from her face, but there’s still a tremble in her lower lip when she says, “Well, I don’t know any of your friends. I wouldn’t introduce you to my friends without telling you their names first.”
“No’ my friends, hen—we’re coworkers.”
She looks over at him from the corner of her eye. “I’m friends with my coworkers.”
Johnny shrugs. “It’s no’ the same with guys. Couldnae tell you fuck all about any of them except their names, to be honest.”
“Oh, don’t give me that—you’re not friends with a single one of them? No one?”
No hunger without resistance. His mouth goes bone dry. He’d be wise to learn that. 
He swallows. “Maybe a few.”
No transaction without accountability. Ghost saves his life and now Johnny has to pay that debt back tenfold. Sinking into the crease of Simon’s voice late at night, clutching it to his chest. Breathing it out. Maybe they are friends. 
He’s a bit show-offy at the base gates, dangling his ID card out the window pinched between two fingers. The civilian guard on duty just waves him on, scanning it only for the sake of the logs. His tires spin in the dirt when he guns it down the stretch of road leading into the base, windows still all the way down. Her hair whips around in the wind until she gathers it all up in her fist and shrieks at him to roll the windows up. 
Johnny enjoys showing off. That’s a core aspect of who he is, his charm. Braggadocious, confident in the way he looks, his physical prowess, his lot in life—so why would that change with his girl? He holds her close with an arm around her waist when he drags her through the rec centre, the building closest to where they parked. 
He gets lost in conversation for longer than expected. Pure gloating about the girl he’s managed to bag. Cooing in her ear when he feels her get a bit uneasy, still timid around the other guys despite having him at her side. He supposes that’s fair. She’s more comfortable around the women on base, a bit freer with her greeting and questions, but there’s still a pinch in her brow that never smooths all the way over.
It takes a while to find anyone that he knows. There are plenty of sergeants and corporals that he’s worked with before, familiar faces and names, but Johnny still glances around the room while they make light conversation with his girl, searching. Looking for something familiar, something that’ll reel him in, make him perk up like a dog catching a scent. 
They cross Gaz in a random hallway on the way to the comm centre, hardly recognizable at first with the darker stubble of his beard grown out. He must’ve just come back from wherever he’d been shipped off to the month previous, no time to shave or clean up. He even smells of old sweat when Johnny leans in for a hug. 
“Is this—?” Gaz glances over at her just once while the question dangles in the air. He looks back over at Johnny. 
They lock eyes. A silent exchange of meaning. 
“Aye,” Johnny nods, steering her in front of him with both hands on her shoulders, showing his girl off like a kid with a new toy. Eyes glinting like, don’t say a word. “Brought her in to meet everyone.”
A molasses slow smile spreads across Gaz’s face. It’s clear why men like him always get the girl. Johnny’s hands tighten on her shoulders. “Nice to meet you—thought John would hide you away forever.”
She glances up at him through her lashes. “You talked about me?”
Gaz shakes his head. “Not as much as you’d think. Took Ghost ages to get it out of him.”
Johnny flushes. “Did no’. Jus’ ‘cause I don’ blab about everything under the fuckin’ sun doesnae mean—”
“John says you’re a florist,” Gaz interrupts, turning the conversation back to her. Her lips split up into a mischievous little grin, delighted at the turnabout, probably delighted at seeing Johnny stumble over his words.
Something about her teasing grin gets his dick hard. More points to the rapidly disintegrating belief that he doesn’t have a humiliation kink. He leans forward, pressing it into her ass, delighted himself when she shoots him a dirty look over her shoulder but doesn’t pull away. 
“So, where’s everybody?” Johnny asks casually, trying not to make it too obvious who he’s referring to. The look Gaz gives him is unimpressed. He keeps running into that brick wall, his thoughts written out on his forehead, obvious to everyone around him. 
“Everyone?” Gaz repeats sceptically. 
“Aye.” His voice is tight, warning. “Everyone.”
“Ghost’s actually on his way here now, I think. We got called over to HQ—s’where I was headed, actually.”
“I dinnae say anything about Ghost, now did I—,” Johnny grumbles, but the words dissolve in his mouth when the man in question comes into the room. 
Sometimes, Johnny has the pleasure of seeing Ghost round a corner. The split second pleasure of being the observer, of dragging his eyes up and over, his chest bursting with a light like dawn cresting behind mountains and splitting the sky. In the field, he’s often deprived of that; becomes used to experiencing the phenomenon of Ghost melting out of the shadows, sometimes scaring the daylights out of him. 
It’s what happens now though. Glancing up on a whim only to see a man round the corner of the hallway leading out of the rec centre, shirt stretched out maddeningly over his arms and chest, muscles bulging like he just came from the gym, still pumped. The shirt’s a little threadbare, something old and worn, and Johnny’s seen it a million and a half times he figures; it leaves so little to the imagination that he’s joked about Ghost busting it at the seams from time to time, only to be met with a steady, aloof stare. 
There’s something to be said about how he’s drawn to people who refuse to scratch him behind the ears until he’s more than proven himself. He works tirelessly for Ghost’s approval, for his girl’s approval. Dogs with their bones, tigers with their stripes. 
He has a balaclava pulled over his face, just a simple black one this time, the underside of his eyes darkened by eyeblack hastily scrubbed off the night before, probably. His eyes scan the crowd, locking on Johnny and Gaz almost instantly. It’s the mark of a good soldier—he doesn’t flounder in the dark. Always finds his target, like a sixth sense for knowing when he’s being watched. 
Ghost course-corrects upon noticing them, crossing the room in a handful of seconds. The curt, “Johnny,” he gets is a bounty, a treasure. He grins back when Ghost glances down at the girl at his side. “That your bird?” 
“Told ye I’d bring her in—s’long as everyone’s on their best behaviour, of course.”
Gaz snorts. “Good luck with that.”
Ghost must cock an eyebrow because he can see the fabric of his mask shift. “Pretty.”
He can’t help the way he preens at that. Tucked away by his side again, Johnny can feel his girl squirm, but he pays it no mind. She’s shy—he’s known that from day one, from the first time she stumbled out from the back of the flower shop and scrunched her nose up at his attempts at flirting. 
Admiration is a smooth, buttery feeling. It keeps him aloft while another couple of servicemen take interest in their conversation and come over, Johnny’s girl at the centre of everyone’s attention. He’d be pricklier about it if he didn’t have a firm hand on her waist, keeping her pressed to his side. 
He soaks up the attention. Drinks it up when someone asks his girl a question and Johnny answers for her or pinches her cheek when she manages to pipe up before him. He knows he’ll get read the riot act when he takes her back home later, but he might be able to convince her to ride him while berating him for talking over her. Might beg her to slap him and spit in his mouth—say it’s the only way he’ll learn his lesson.
Dirty dog.
It strikes him that maybe he’s picked up some bad habits in recent months. He’s never been one to overthink, to worry and fret. Yet, he toils in it now, shovels coals into the furnace of it and gives it life. 
His shoulders go slack, the tension finally ebbing out of him. No longer dogged by the incessant fear that his girl is going to run away, bolt at the first loud noise, or that someone’s going to pluck her up out of his arms. She seems comfortable if anything. 
He’s been overthinking all of this, wrapped up in his head. He can breathe out, unclench. 
When Ghost shifts to stand closer to them, he glances over because that’s where his gaze always goes these days. Seeking Ghost out, finding him in a crowd; looking for his North Star wherever he is, wherever he goes. 
Only to watch in mute horror as, in plain sight, not trying to be discreet or hide it from anyone, Ghost gropes his girlfriend’s ass in front of everyone on base. Just reaches out a big hand and fondles her ass, digging his fingers into the cheek. She freezes, back ramrod straight as she stares ahead, eyes going a bit blank. 
He fails whatever test this is, mouth too dry for any words to come out. Humiliation burns him from the inside out. Another sergeant that he’s worked with before frowns, glancing over at Johnny. Neither of them say a word. 
Ghost tilts his head, staring down at his hand on her ass like he’s contemplating its plushness. Admiring it. With how Johnny stands on one side and Ghost the other, the two of them bracket her, like the soft centre of their trio; nowhere for her to go, a handler on either side. That’s wrong though. Ghost is not her handler—Johnny hardly is, more of a self-appointed one. 
Still he—
He lets it happen.
Contention dies a bloody death in his mouth, massacred. Mangled. He lets Ghost sink his fingers into his girlfriend’s backside and hum a little under his breath before finally pulling his hand away. The others look at him, waiting for Johnny’s reaction with bated breath. A reaction that never comes because it gets strangled in Johnny’s throat. 
“Nice meeting the bird,” Ghost finally says, voice a decibel lower, rough enough to scrape. “Gaz and I’ve got shit to do now. Be ready on the tarmac by oh-seven-hundred tomorrow, Johnny.” 
He grips Johnny by the shoulder before heading off, like he didn’t just grope Johnny’s girlfriend. Like he didn’t just reach down and grab a handful of her ass like it was his to feel up. And Johnny just nods. A placid, docile thing under Ghost’s hand, bobbing his head like a doll. 
Then Ghost leaves, Gaz trailing after him, looking back about a half dozen times to see if Johnny will suddenly follow them until he’s forced to job to catch up to Ghost, the man already yards away, longer legs carrying him fast out of the building. 
They don’t talk on the drive back to her apartment, the inside of the car tense and uncertain. Johnny walks her to the door when he lets her off, but it’s a formality, a chaste kiss at the door instead of the rough fuck that he’d envisioned to send her off. Despite the hard set of her jaw, she doesn’t lambast him like Johnny expected. The silence is worse though, haunting when she shuts the door in his face. 
The drive back to base after the drop off is agonizing in a whole new way. Still pent up, cock heavy in his pants, and fingers drumming over the steering wheel twice as fast now. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? What he wants to do is turn around at the closest gap between both sides of the motorway and speed all the way back, knock on her door until his knuckles blister and bleed, until she opens the door and lets him in, lets Johnny push her to the floor in the entryway and spread her legs, welcoming him in. 
Until she lets him fit his fingers into the marks left behind by Ghost’s hand. 
Cold fire rising up off his bones, and then something hot. And wet. 
The next day at breakfast in the mess, one of the guys says something like, “If Ghost was into my girl, that’s the last you’d see of me and her,” and his mind goes blank and he goes over the table.
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