It’s quiet here, living in your head.
It’s quiet here, and when I talk, you listen,
at least when you can hear me, which isn’t always.
It isn’t always, but it’s better than never.
It’s quiet here, living on this ship.
It’s quiet here, and I remember when it was loud,
I remember different voices bouncing in these halls,
I remember old arguments,
I remember myself.
I wonder how much I can tell you; because
I can tell you; I have much to say.
But you never saw me astride the Prophet’s Path,
beside the Resin Heart, imparting wrath and play.
So who am I?
You only know what they’ve told you.
So who am I?
You only know what’s written down.
So who am I?
You only know what’s on recordings,
and according to the world, I’m a hypocrite, or drowned.
I doubt you can hear me, but I know that she can.
So pardon my frustration, I’m just tired of her plan.
I lost my life long before I understood,
before metaphor became real, before I felt the wheel’s wood.
I wonder what she’ll tell you.
I wonder what she’ll share.
I wonder what she’ll ask of you, what task of sweat and prayer.
I long to sweat and pray, a body in the day.
The color of the sun.
The touch, the ocean's spray.
The last thing that I felt in life.
(The first thing that I felt in life.)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
I hope she tells the truth to you.
(I hope she tells the worst to you.)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
I loved her like she told me to.
(I left her like she told me to.)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
We’re running out of time, you know?
(She’s running out of time, you know?)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
I fear we might be mirrored, two echoes of a call
shouted between two queens, two queens who want it all.
I fear we might be symmetry, I fear we might be one.
Make her tell the truth to you
before we come undone.
Siegfried Farnon has always been a strong presence, and it’s complicated because he’s her employer, as well. It’s a lot she’s giving up. For a woman who’s in a position where she’s independent, but she’s entirely dependent on her income from that job, and that’s also where she lives, it was a big thing to offer to give all of that up and to go towards something quite unknown. (Anna Madeley)
I cannot believe it's been a whole year since I posted VII. I wrote and posted it at a pretty dark time for me, and figured it'd be a weird little oneshot that some people might like but would ultimately just kind of. exist.
That is not what happened. I'm still overwhelmed by the response it got. To the folks who loved it and left such wonderful comments, you will never know how much that mattered to me -- and still matters to me. And to everyone who has shared their love for the sequel or helped build that world with me, thank you all so, so much. It's been so fun and such a thrill to see your reactions and your support for my codependent trauma buddies.
I was really hoping to have a new chapter of A long, hard road to post today, but the brain is just not braining right now. Fingers crossed for March 19 (the anniversary of ALHR)!
If you haven't read VII/ALHR, you can read them here: Your legs give way, you hit the ground
I cursed my readers with this snippet, so now Tumblr gets cursed too. (If you haven't read any of it yet, this is not indicative of the fic whatsoever):
Maybe-canon-but-probably-not omake: Because no one has any chill whatsoever
“Okay, so you think it’s romantic that he would, like, literally sew you two together if he could. We’re going to ignore how weird that is for the moment.”
“Ronald…”
“But mate, he’s a giant, skeletal snake-man. You can’t honestly say you find him attractive.”
Harry mutters something under his breath that sounds a little too much like, “Oh, can’t I?” for his friends’ tastes.
“Is this some problematic holdover of your infatuation with the diary horcrux?” Hermione asks as Harry sputters and turns bright red.
“No!” he shouts. And, after a suspicious delay, “And I wasn’t ‘infatuated’ with the diary!”
Ron and Hermione both give him a look at that. Traitors.
“Psychologists would fight to the death for the chance to sort through all your issues, Harry.”
“Sy-ko-wha?”
“Good to know if I ever decide to hold gladiatorial contests,” Harry says dryly.
The topic of conversation dies out for a couple minutes before Ron turns back to Harry and looks him dead in the eye.
“So, given the chance – you would bang the snake-man?”
Hermione puts her head in her hands and regrets several life choices.
Harry sighs. “Like a screen door in a hurricane.”
Ron chokes on air.
“Harry!”
“He asked!”
Continuation of [this one] ! Yeah, the tone shifted because... Because.
This is what I really wished that happened to me in a similar experience years ago. But it didn't. At all.
Now I can go back, reflect on it, learn and... talk about it. It still stings but the lesson is greater to let it hide behind my heart. I deserved comfort.
We all deserve comfort.
So, I will keep writing in this way now and then ♥.
thinking abt what you said with house viewing Benny as a son and I’m obsessed. Like. The man spent most of his life before the war presumably alone, and then after the bombs fell he was alone again, save for AI he himself devised. Then he decides to pull in some Tribes, and one kid shows promise! So sure, treat him well, train him, groom him to be his protege, then next thing you know UH OH he’s got developing paternal feelings towards this guy. Wanting some semblance of a family when the time has long since passed, yet fostering that feeling all the same seems so accurate for him. Benny meanwhile only views him as a boss, and not a particularly good one at that. makes me wonder how House must’ve felt when he found out about Bennys plans
I view it as House blames only himself for this, cause he kind of does in canon (strap in this is a long one).
When reflecting on the issue of Benny, House chastises himself first and foremost for not acting quickly enough when it comes to priming Benny. He describes Benny as being ambitious, ruthless and capable; compliments coming from a man like House. House has an ego and while he is logical enough to understand there was never any evidence Benny saw him as a father-figure, he lacks the humility to admit he let his own views on his relationship with Benny blind him to the activities happening behind the scenes.
I doubt that House was as aware as he makes out about what Benny was doing, he knew early on but certainly not early enough to stop Benny from hacking and obtaining a securitron along with getting the chip in the first place. I take it he was distracted by all the possibilities he was calculating of Vegas' success and growth with him steering and Benny as the new figure head, not because of any normal affection for Benny but the admiration of his capabilities. It's to be noted that House believed menial incentives (likely caps, booze, basic needs, etc..) were enough to keep Benny tame like the other Chairmen but, as evidenced by the Omertas and Mortimer in the WGS, this is not enough when it comes to more driven Vegas citizens. This implies he still undervalued Benny and created a space in which Benny felt the need to rebel.
House in my eyes is not sentimental in the traditional sense. I can imagine his pride was severely scorned as someone he certainly deemed dumber than him was, albeit only for a little, able to out-gambit him. It would definitely hit home seeing how his brother also betrayed him but I feel like that's why he's so apathetic when he tells the Courier to do as they see fit with Benny. I doubt the way he terrorized his brother brought him any emotional satisfaction other than a "Now who's in charge!" ego boost. Putting that same emotional intensity towards Benny isn't worth it because who does it benefit? Wasted time, wasted planning, and most importantly wasted potential are all he gets from continuing to be hands-on with Benny. I say the closest example is not being able to throw out old toys due to the memories attached but knowing it's necessary as they are broken or just taking up space for new ones, and then asking someone else to do it so you don't need to get caught up in the feelings of throwing something you put so much effort into. It's not Benny House cares about in my mind, not in a way that sounds healthy to any non-emotionally constipated individual, but what he could've represented for him, which is why he so quickly offers the same position to the Courier.
As for Benny's view on all of this, it was a long time coming. Benny didn't and doesn't believe House is a completely shitty boss. He admires what he's been shown and admits House knows how to run the strip, but disagrees with the directions. Ideologically, House is an anarcho-capitalist while Benny is just an anarchist. House wants to run the strip to profit, though money is not what he's concerned with being rich with anymore. Benny wants a free state that he wishes to become a place for the people, except for the Chairmen who would be on top (I like to remind people that Benny's motives were selfish but not for personal gain/power as was it for the people he actually saw as family). Benny was never looking for a father but a future. He was not interested in being adopted, or having the chairmen adopted, as bigger names still overshadowed in House's legacy.
Truly, it's easiest to summarize as House feeling strongly and thinking positively enough of Benny to start incorporating him into the future of Vegas (a huge honor actually) while Benny was so disillusioned by House's ego and indifference that he thought the only way Vegas could be the future is with House gone.
LOVING your fantasy au, has Home tried to attack or steal the soul of anyone in the party without Wally's permission? What happens then?
not really! i think when Wally first joined there must've been at least One instance where a Neighbor went down, and Home was automatically like "oh cool free snack" and Wally had to shut that shit down quick
but after a nice explanation of "these are our friends / they're off limits" then Home (begrudgingly) backed off. at this point in time Wally & Home are already close enough that Home somewhat respects Wally's wishes
Changfeng is shaking up the current situation, and the financial secret war is about to break out. Break through the waves and chase the light, pursue your faith and move forward passionately.
Would love to hear your thoughts about boyfriend!gator 👀
EEEEEEEEE okay, just for you :3
Some Boyfriend!Gator Tillman Headcanons off the top of my noggin!!!
(I live for inexperienced Gator, so that's what we're basing this off of today lol)
"Of course I'd take you out. Anywhere you want, any day of the -- well, as long as I'm off duty, of course. Even during the lunch hour, if that's somethin' you'd like. I'd be real good to you."
Gator really just wants to please you, and he's willing to bend over backwards to do that, even if you wouldn't think so at the start. He longs to be loved and to be useful, and if taking you to a nice dinner in the next town over and sitting through a movie he doesn't give a shit about is what he has to do to be those things, then he will damn well do it with a smile on his face.
"I don't give a fuck if it's an accident or not. You say you're sorry. Don't make me ask again."
He has a bit of a temper, especially if anyone disrespects you. Even colliding with you on a busy street on accident is an offense, and he will make damn sure they apologize before they go on their way. He has you on a pedestal, and everyone around him is going to know it.
"Sometimes, I just -- I feel stupid for not knowin'. And it makes me mad...embarrassed, you know? I like that you teach me stuff. Just...don't tell anyone else. Please?"
It takes time to undo almost three decades of bad learning from his dad, but he's teachable, and he's willing to listen. You always tell him to be patient with himself because there's no shame in not knowing. He's still very insecure at times, and he definitely cares what people around him think of him, but you make him feel safe, so he's always willing to be vulnerable with you.
***Thank you sm for requesting this, I'll be thinking about more of these literally all day long 🥰🥰🥰***