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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 5 - Meat Page 7

==>

Okay, time for Rose and Dirk to talk delicious politics or something.

Heh, customary show-end riots.

Rose, stop causing all of us undue alarm.

Ascending? Is she going to fade out into a concept or something???

Oh shit, Dirk’s doing something similar. Some sort of inevitability once God-Tier is reached or some such.

Dirk has a solution to the problem in the works. That’s... well, Rose already cautioned that that could be ominous. I hope it doesn’t involve decapitation. Or robot bodies, or turning her into an omniscient cueball or something.

==>

Okay, stage play time. I can see a weird-seeming text color choice for Caliborn down below, hm. Time to read down to there...

Ah, the classic finale-callback thumbs down. Nice.

...yeah, reinforcing the point he was trying to make a little less explicitly with his earlier finale of Homestuck that Lord English had really just, sort of, trapped them in this narrative that their ultimate reward would be to escape, realizing it never really mattered too much compared to their own long lives and happiness or something.

==>

Epilogue TWO?????? D:

Okay now it’s, like, Andrew commenting isn’t it.

Oh shit, it DOES suck them up and trap them? Huh. That explains how Jade was dealt with, I’d forgotten. Also because it was one of the huge goddamn unanswered fucking hugepoints that made it seem like a slap in the face when we were told it didn’t matter and-- yeah okay let me just keep reading.

Huh, broken glasses.

And, phew; the ages it takes is from an OUTSIDE perspective. Let’s see what it is from an inside perspective...

==>

Jaaaane!!! :D

Okay let’s read about Janey.

Mhmm, that’s not that surprising... Dirk knew that Karkat was going to run against Jane, but Jane didn’t, even though Dirk was ostensibly “working” for her. There’s definitely a plan here. Maybe it involves Jane and Karkat smooching publicly at the end. ...No, that’s just my wishful imagination talking, isn’t it.

Oh my god she’s screaming into a pillow at hearing she has competition. That’s adorable.

YES, JANE. UNDERESTIMATE KARKAT. YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM LIKE EVERYONE ELSE (though probably platonically). It does upset me that they’ve taken this long to really get acquainted, though; I’ve argued for years that their personalities are naturally compatible as the straight men for all their friends’ bullshit.

In fact, Jane is pretty sure that Karkat Vantas would probably literally burst into flame if too many people happened to look at him at the same time, like a vampire walking out into the sun.

Yes, but he’d get over it. And be a flaming president or something.

In fact, Jane cannot remember a single conversation she’s ever had with him that wasn’t about the economy. She thinks back to one time at John’s eighteenth birthday when Dave engaged her in a rigorous and rather one-sided debate about deregulation and the failure of “neoliberal austerity measures” until Karkat had to come over and put his hands over his roommate’s mouth to make him stop talking.

Oh my FUCKING god, it’s true. Dave’s appropriately liberal in the modern, Krugman-esque, statistically grounded way. Karkat has my vote already.

She’d be happy to accept a graceful, temporary defeat and let Karkat play president for a couple of years. After all, unlike her, he was not immortal.

Hey fuck you. Also, why the FUCK haven’t they used one of the myriad likely ways to extend Karkat’s lifespan basically indefinitely yet??? Heck, JANE could probably do it with Life powers if she crawled back out of her own butt! We already know the Condesce could extend other trolls’ lifespans with weird troll powers so Life powers are almost certainly enough to suffice. >:(

Ohhh, so maybe Jane is just, like... slightly traumatized by trolls? And thus a little tiny bit predisposed against trusting them cause of the Condesce? :(

Interesting how she views her past reliance on / pursuance of Jake as something that made her “weak” specifically.

Okay, I’m getting a slightly uncomfortable vibe that Jane is willing to almost play at seduction with Jake falsely to get his endorsement on--

And she’s willing to do more than that, too.

Okay FUCK, JANE. GET YOURSELF UNDER CONTROL. I’m starting to believe the shittalking the others have given about you! You’d better shape up by the end of this epilogue or what have you.

==>

Okay, trapped John can hear the other three through the walls of their prison or something.

Conversation and musings, conversation and musings.....

Wait, Jade LIVES with Dave and Karkat in that SAME HOUSE and they didn’t even mention it??!?? What is even up with their thing.

Heh, John’s thinking he really could have used a nice kismesis riling him up to better himself. That’s what they’re for, really.

There there, John.

==>

Oh my fucking GOD, Jane rolls with supply side economics??? TAKE. HER. DOWN.

And Jade is just... here? Huh.

Yeah they DEFS weren’t listening.

JADE: especially when JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths.....

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. JADE IS SO INTO EITHER OF THEM THAT THEY CAN’T TAKE IT, CAN THEY. THAT’S FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GOD

Her tail swishes from side to side

SINCE WHEN DOES SHE HAVE A FUCKING TAIL HOW IS THAT SUDDENLY CANON

I’M NOT MAD IM JUST SURPRISED

Wasn’t that something that the ask-responses from Andrew said she canonically DIDN’T have or what the fuck

Since I guess it wasn’t confirmed IN CANON he just decided he liked it enough to offer it here or???? I DON’T KNOW????

Wow why am I all worked up by this all of a sudden. It’s just transferring from her earlier line isn’t it.

three of her bras

Okay no nevermind Andrew’s just fucking with us.

...Even though this can probably still be considered canon. Which only makes how he’s fucking with us work even better, really. I mean, why WOULDN’T he lob this at us on the ten year anniversary and watch us squirm, really. There’s no incentive not to.

--oh wait wait never mind reading further these are just bras from different days she threw over the couch. PHEW. I thought for a second that we were dealing with dog anatomy stuff that would REQUIRE multiple bras on her. Jesus. I wonder if Andrew intentionally phrased things so some people would think that for a minute.

JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype

Pffffff

Wait, is it that Dave and Karkat’s relationship isn’t quite full-hearts sexual and Jade is incessantly shipping them?? :O

because that’d be hilarious too?? --*reads*

YESSSS JADE BEING SUPER STAT WHIZ WITH HER SUPER PARTOMNIDOG SPACE BRAIN YES

The thing about Jade Harley is that she’s not as good at personal things as she is at other things. Like science, or mastering fraymotifs, or kissing, the last of which she has definitely put a lot of levels into over the past few years because, well, what else are you supposed to do with immortal godhood once you hit the age where the dog hormones start kicking into overdrive?

f uck

dog hormones

i’m wheezing

Alright, Jade’s springing a thorough relationship talk on them. That’s cool. Also she’s throwing statistics in there and I LOVE that now that Jade is older we’re reinforcing just how scary science smart she is, I can’t wait to see other people roleplaying her properly because of it too.

...Yeah Jade would definitely date a chess couple

Jade sighs and crawls closer. She takes one of Karkat’s hands in hers.

JADE: i think wed all work good together

AAAAAAAA :D :D :D

JADE: and i think weve been dancing around that for years now JADE: i wanna try dating for real KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFF OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS PERFECT

Jade being

literally the thirstiest person in this ENTIRE CAST OF CHARACTERS

to the point that everyone’s calling her out on it

in something that’s virtually goddamn canon

holy fucking shit I love everything. I love life. Living in a universe where this hilarious shit happens is fun.

....pFFFF JADE DIDN’T KNOW OBAMA WAS REAL THIS IS AMAZING

Ooh, dueling god-tier powers for petty reasons.

OH NO DICK DRAWINGS ARE LIKELY IMMINENT

THAT OR A CHART

OR BOTH

...yeah her hair would get everywhere, wouldn’t it.

yes make fun of ship names some more

What Jade leaves in her wake is not quite the emotional scorched-earth situation that she was going for, but a few of her needles have definitely gotten under some skin. Dave and Karkat both stare after her, silently caught in their own private rationalization spirals.

So this whole time Jade’s been all “JUST KISS ALREADY” and they’ve been all “what no” and now she’s just laid it all out in the open and left them to it. Yeah that sounds about like what would’ve happened.

Aaaand of course, since this is Dave and Karkat, they just choose to stall some more and play video games. Jade really DOES complete this relationship with her pushing them to accept reality and stop downplaying their own feelings and self-esteem and all. But that’s what I thought would happen BEFORE I even read any epilogue stuff so I’m biased.

==>

Pff, Vriska time.

You’ve now got two bitches of either gender at your side

Vriska, shame! Don’t use that kind of language!!

Yep, this version of her didn’t learn her lesson and is still pretty much completely delusional.

Alright, Real Terezi™ is still flying out in the abyss trying to scoop Vriska out of this jam, cool, cool.

Flailing and spinning, screaming, not being able to see the final event or whatever-- someone save her already we know it’s gonna happen!

JOHN: Emerge from the juju.

Oh. Well, that’s uncomfortably in line with earlier presumably-discredited theories. About John saving Vriska from the black hole the Green Sun left in its wake and all. :|

Yawns too wide and snaps in half? The moment he was dreaming about?

==>

Oh hai Jake. This really IS the perfect time to get to see some attempted-exploitative discomfort between Jane and you. I mean that! The narrative timing is pretty hilarious.

The sunset has turned the head offices of Crockercorp into a shimmering glass monolith—a beacon, if you will, of the future, visible for miles in every direction.

Jane probably likes to think about it that way at least.

Wow, Jane REALLY sounds like she needs to be knocked down a peg or seven.

The whole place is candlelit, and Jane is reclining on her desk, sprawled out like a lounge singer on a grand piano.

OH MY FUCKING GOD JANE STOP BEING A SLIMEBAG!!!! D: D: D:

Thank you, Jake, for coming through and tanking this.

This is not really the kind of conversation you initiate if you’re looking to extract a sexual deal out of someone. It is, however, the kind of conversation that you might have with a childhood friend who has become somewhat emotionally estranged from you.

THANK FUCKING GOD. Jane has been saved from herself for the moment.

Okay I see a whole bunch of paragraphs of black text down below just as these two are likely coming together for a kiss. Uh oh.

...Yep, kiss there. And, uh...

Okay whew, most of it is Jake privately soliloquy-ing to the narrative about the circumstances leading up to this. I can deal with that.

...Oh my god he keeps thinking of Dirk while getting in close to Jane. This is gonna blow up in his face isn’t it.

Reading on....

--Ah, yeah, he just realizes he’s more into Dirk I guess. Ouch. Ouch, Jane.

DIRK: Were you nice to him? JANE: Well, I... DIRK: I told you, you can’t be nice to Jake. JANE: ...

PPFffffffffff

DIRK: Why don’t you leave Jake to me?

Now ain’t that telling?

Ooh, getting down to plot business with Rose.

==>

Back to John. I see a bit that says “Listen” there, is he going to hear Vriska screaming? Or is Terezi going to pick her up? Since, like, I mean she has the jetpack and has been searching for her longer and stuff.

Yep, big ol’ LE tantrum. Though alt!Calliope seems at least as much at fault for the end of the universe as him, if not moreso.

Ah, right, Andrew wanted us to THINK he’d hear Vriska screaming just so he could troll us like that. Makes more sense, anyway.

Huh, the Juju just pops away.

OW. Down a spare Rose, just like that, huh? Probably part of why main Rose knew what the plan was supposed to be for all this.

Ah right, can’t use your Green Sun powers here, Jade.

OW. Another quasi-doomed side-character death.

Yep, you have to make a tough, leaderly decision and let go. :C --Oh crap, you saved her body. Are you gonna put the ring there or what, I’m not sure where that’s going plotways.

Pff, the whole fight going south just due to John losing his glasses... that’s pretty funny from a perspective.

Oh huh, real ghost Tavros gets nuked.

Oh shit, Meenah’s going in! Don’t die, I actually care about this version of you!!

--Ah, thrown out and fate unclear, that’s a bit better than clear death.

Hm, Davepeta vs English round two? I wonder what the purpose of all of this really is, anyway, beyond just a sense that some only implied-wrapped-up things are being actually wrapped up? This whole Meat arc? Is Candy going to be ultimately more important to everyone, as was part of the point, or? Huhhm.

Final Round!!

Hammer buffet!

Slight obligatory feelings allusion via hammer!

Oh no! VORE!!! D:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wrow you almost got vored to death

Phew, avoided

Ow, another decapitation. There’s a killing blow and being trapped forever in a black hole for LE to look forward to, though. Weren’t there theories about him being trapped forever at the center of that black hole or whatever? Huh. I mean there WAS the garbage disposal that his metaphorical Jigsaw-head gets stuck in early in the comic after all.

Alright, Davepeta sticks him in there? Cool.

Yeah, you just had to remind us that he’s going to be plunging into his dead sister’s gaping hole, didn’t you? >:|

Davepeta. How they were so unfettered and brave. How they sacrificed themselves by flying right into the black hole like...

Like a fucking piece of garbage, you can almost hear Dave saying. May God rest his soul.

Yup. Closing another callback. Why is it silent, though? Did the black hole stop sucking now that it’s gotten almost everything but John, or is it just his blackout? I mean, is the end of everything just a thing that “happens” (which is still pretty fine, Paradox Space had a pretty good run), or did it just stop, or is it yet to be resolved or re-John-creates-Paradox-Space’s-beginning-because-hes-the-only-thing-left-constituted if he inexplicably doesn’t die from his heroic wounds or? And Terezi definitely didn’t go flying around Paradox Space’s dying remains just to get sucked in too, right? I definitely haven’t seen the whole picture yet I guess.

==>

Alright, back to Rose... actually this post’s getting long so I’ll cut here and keep going in another post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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gruntadminloch-moved · 6 years

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((I hope that once Loch's done getting Guzma affirmation and is done worshipping threading @entomolo-gist he"ll be up to doing other stuff.

Truthfully we've done a few tags and. Just kinda left them in drafts for later tagging and cleaning. So i think it's more my body's fault for being really bad with being able to use my laptop comfortably in any position than it is my muse--i want my proper threads and asks to have icons and tags as often as possible since I know how much I write and, as someone with adhd, seeing an uninterrupted wall of text sometimes makes my head go 'nah not today' pff. And tags. . .if i don't tag a post when i post it i will never remember to go back and tag it. /o\ plus you have to use html in asks on mobile instead of rich text and i have to make sure it actually shows up right and uuuugh

But. Yeah. I might try and do a 'two tags scheduled a day' rule? Something easy enough on me. Or i'll try and make a week's worth and leave like an open weekend or something. . .or i won't do anything because scheduling breaks me out into hives ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

EITHER WAY. Thank you all for being patient while my muse gets his fill of attending to Guzma and being affirmed and gently nudged into making choices of his own, and while i take multi-hour walks for pokemon go despite my back pain and multi-hour naps.

I'll do discord tags too hopefully o/ they're easier/faster but i also feel like i lose track of them easier?? Because i'm like "oh yeah that's right there i'll get to it later uvu" and then i dismiss the notification because unread notifs make me a bit anxious and then I forget to open it again and i'm busy doing other shit. . . .

BUT. YEAH. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE 👍🏾

(Idk how many of you are rtah fans but i'm going to rtx next week!! So if anybody's in the austin texas area. . .maybe we could meet up for a bit haha IT'LL BE DISAPPOINTING I'M TERRIBLE AT SOCIAL INTERACTION but it'a still nice to be like. "Hhhhhhh internet aquaintance. . .is in front of me and physically exists. . . .#blessed. . . . . .even more quality in person. . . .im love. . . . . . . ."))

#ooc | out of commands #BUT FOR NOW IT'S BEDTIME.#when i wake up i'mma shower and go pick up my meds as long as it's an hour where the sun is kind of up and the busses are running #perhaps i can get a food??????? but i shouldn't spend money lol #there aren't any pokestops or gyms over there i mean there's like 2 #but 2 is not enough #unless i ait at the park and spin the gym but tbh i'd rather sit at the waterfront or city hall. . . . .#maybe the city pokego group will be meeting somewhere and i'll try a registeel raid again #ANYWAY. PLANNING IS FOR TOMORROW #GOOD NIGHT.

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clown-bait · 7 years

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29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU)

Alright I’m just going to start posting this anyway since I have so much of it already written. This is my first venture into writing so go easy on me. Im normally an artist not a writer. I’ll intro my OC too she’s a grungey stoner girl going through some big changes. Those changes being that she’s slowly turning into a nosferatu style vampire. She “Dropped out” of bartending school, dumped her abusive ex and moved to Maine where she found out that every monster in the world had the same idea. Eventually she moves in with everyones favorite clown and feelings start to happen. This chapter is just intros really smut and romance is coming. Mostly a parody humor fic with horror and romance thrown in. There is lots of gore, NSFW, drug use, alcohol, death, swearing, and violence. So you’ve been warned. Chapter 1 The Contract She had been there for a month now. Somehow she was still alive, and living amongst monsters. “You know…It’s not that bad mom, the house is a bit old but it’s charming you get used to it after awhile.” as she says this a chunk of the Old Well House’s ceiling falls onto the ancient dining room table. She flinches a natural reaction left over from humanity’s days as a prey animal but she recovers quickly mostly unfazed. “Visit? Oooooh no, no, thats not a great idea. Roommates are a bit quirky you wouldn't like them.” she said into the phone. Quirky was a massive understatement. She opened the fridge and let out a groan of frustration at the severed head and arm sitting on top of her tupperware. “that son of a bitch” she whispered “Hey mom call you back, kitchen trouble. Love ya.” she hung up the phone and shouted “ALRIGHT WHO’S IS THIS?!” her voice echoed through out the old decaying house. She was met by heavy breathing and guttural grunting the kind you would hear in a horror movie sound clip. She turned to the doorway towards the owner of the sound, a hulking behemoth donning a butchers apron. He’s covered in old blood soaked handprints and his signature mask made of the leather from a human face. “What the hell Leatherface you have your own fucking fridge for this shit” she stated unafraid. Now one would be wondering at this point why is this girl so relaxed? Why has she not died of a heart attack or been murdered by these horrible housemates. This clearly wasn't your average college drop out living situation, not by a long shot. No my friend, this is the story of a human who literally lived with her monsters and in the process became one herself. But the only thing you need to know right now dear reader, is that Lucy Smith never turned down a good deal. It all started when she wanted to get out of the city. Adam and our dear Lucy had just broken up after being her high school sweetheart and boyfriend for 5 long years. It happened at the end her second to last year of college, he had become an absolute monster and she was done with his shit. Lucy wanted to get away. Away from everything that reminded her of him and the life they had shared together. “I’ll go to the other side of the country,” she thought “as far as possible I’ll go to fucking Maine.” When she found the house it looked abandoned. “Fucking hell this must be a fake ad or something. No way this place is inhabitable.” she groaned but there was a small sign in the window of the house on Neibolt Street that read “Room for Rent” in badly drawn red ink. “Wellp I got nothing to lose anyway, either I die via whatever serial killer is squatting here or the drinking will get me later.” She had next to nothing other than a car, her belongings and enough money for three months worth of rent. This really was her only option. As she walked by the sun flowers haphazardly planted in the front yard in some sad attempt to make the house look pleasant, the front door creaked open on its own. “Yeah I’m definitely going to get murdered.” she mumbled. Lucy stepped cautiously in the doorway “Um hello? I’m here about the room?” something scuttled on the floor above her, it sounded like the pitter patter of children’s feet. Lucy’s heart began to pound her blue eyes wide now and her senses heightened. “Anyone?” she called out into the decrepit house. Lucy made her way to the window and picked up the for rent sign clutching it tightly to her chest. She was an avid horror fan, and she was no idiot. This house screamed ghost murderer she began to step further into the house when suddenly the door slammed shut. “FUCK” she shouted trying to pry it back open but it wouldn't budge “ALRIGHT ASSHOLE” she yelled “I’m fucking done with this game! You going to discuss the room with me or not?!” a door in a different room had creaked open and Lucy could have sworn she heard the faint sound of bells. “This isn't funny bitch” she yelled nervously searching for an exit “be brave be brave be brave” she whispered to herself. Down the hall she heard footsteps from something large they seemed to be dragging across the floor. Fucking hide you idiot her brain told her she quickly and silently bolted to the kitchen, almost on the verge of tears now cursing herself for even getting into this situation. She frantically searched the room for something to hide in and a half open cabinet caught her eye. She made a dash for it when she hear the jingle again this time louder and coming form the basement of the Well-house. She reached for the rotting door and screamed when something grey and furry leapt out at her. It smelled almost dead and its eyes were lifeless and faded. The creature was a very pissed off dirty grey cat. “Holy shit little guy” she managed to say. The cat darted off into the house and Lucy let her guard down slightly breathing a sigh of relief, only to turn around to meet a twisted smile with long fangs and glowing yellow eyes. Suddenly the demon clown shot a gloved claw out around her throat. Lucy passed out from sheer terror, dropping the for rent sign on the ground next to her. ___________ Lucy awoke to voices, they were twisted and clearly agitated. Their tones were enough to make someones skin crawl. Her thoughts were foggy and her head ached from hitting it on her way down. She moved to rub it but she found she was tied to a chair, she thrashed a bit in a sad attempt to escape. the girl knew knew it wouldn't work. She was frail and malnourished looking, a text book punk kid in flannel and a stupid t-shirt that had a skeleton hand holding up the cliche devil horns. She wasn't getting out of this. The voices began to sound clearer now she had yet to open her eyes but she could hear what the owners were saying. “We can’t just kill her we need the money.” “She’s fucking human Tiff, just let the clown and the big guy fight over her meat!” “We’re about to lose the house babe! This is the best place we've had in years!” “You know the rules no regular humans allowed in our society.” “Leatherface is human!” “PFF barely,” “Will you two PLEASE stop bickering for 5 seconds!” “Oh you wanna finally join us Jingles? Because you've been sitting there drooling for the past five minutes while we've been trying to figure out what to do about YOUR house.” “DO NOT CALL ME JINGLES, DOLL!!!” Lucy opened her eyes, light stung them at first and her vision adjusted. She gurgled out a moan of pain and the room suddenly went silent. Across from her were two dolls one a pretty blonde girl doll with dark makeup the other a boy haphazardly stitched together in a terrifying way. “What the fuck” she mumbled turning to look behind her, she heard heavy breathing that coming out so deep they almost sounded like moans. The monster towered over her and most horrifying of all he wore the skinned face of a dead woman. Lucy quickly turned away to finally find the other inhabitant pouting in the corner, the evil clown from earlier. He was tall, lanky and had a giant forehead with fluffy orange hair twisting around like cotton candy. The clown was staring right at her with a terrifying hunger in his eyes, like he could smell her fear from across the room. She tried to soak it all in. This isn't happening this isn't real. Oh god I'm going to die here she thought. Then, something deep within Lucy’s mind snapped. She began to laugh. Her laughter was a mix of hysteria and horror it was insane and manic. “Wellp I’ve finally lost it.” she thought to herself as her cackling died down. The monstrous flatmates stared at her slightly confused by her reaction. “Well that the first time I’ve made that kind of impression. Thought makin' them laugh was your thing jingles.” the boy doll mused The clown let off an inhuman warning growl and the doll grinned wickedly. “Y-youre all r-real.” Lucy stuttered starting to slip into insanity. “Careful who you say isn't real around here toots, Jingles over there tends to get real triggered about that subject” the male doll quipped “Are you done insulting me yet? You disgusting excuse for a child’s toy.” the clown hissed “Not on your life chucklefuck.” “Chucky! Can we please focus on the girl!” the dolls female counterpart snapped “Sorry pumpkin, they've been having a bit of a dispute ever since the clown left a huge pile of drool outside the fridge yesterday morning” she turned to Lucy who now was a mix of terrified and utterly confused. “I was very hungry and couldn't decide what to eat!” the clown pouted “YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE PANTRY FULL OF DEAD CHILDREN IN THE SEWER DO YOU EVEN NEED TO EAT ANYTHING ELSE?” Chucky shouted back at him. “Wow that hurt. I don't just eat children you know” the clown mocked being struck in the heart followed by a sharp glare. The silent behemoth behind Lucy had decided enough was enough and banged on the counter next to him. All in the room went quiet. The female doll sighed “Well if you two are going to be children about this I’ll make the decision for us. Alright look hun. We’re in a bit of a pickle and we need an extra roommate or Penny here is going to lose the house. Then well all be shit outta luck, especially you sweetheart. So I’m givin ya two options” she looked at the grumpy killer clown who huffed and finally nodded giving the female doll permission “One, you take the room. You will live here as the fake owner so the town doesn't try to reclaim the house and tear it down. Or two…. you die.” “And if I don’t want either?” Lucy questioned giving in completely to this new terrifying situation she was in. All the inhabitants in the room smiled wickedly. The clown stepped forward and grabbed Lucy’s chin forcing her to look into his golden predatory eyes, they were slightly out of alignment as if he was barely managing to keep control of himself “You can try to run kitten, but in a house full of monsters” he grinned his smile sadistic with a sprinkling of insanity “I promise you wont get far.” he inhaled sharply as if sniffing a freshly cooked meal before taking a bite. Lucy swallowed her fear and insanity pushing it down deep within her. “I’m a fucking survivor and I’m not going to die in some rotting haunted house.” She thought to herself. The clown growled and shoved her face back roughly as if offended by her sudden burst of bravery. “How much is rent?” she stated cool and suddenly collected.She wasn't really but the girl was no stranger to putting on a brave face. The group turned to the clown who was suddenly put on the spot “….$450” “Fuck that. Does this crackhouse even have running water?” she spat. “Watch your filthy little mouth!” the clown growled. She had obviously hit a very sore spot. A weakness she smirked. “$300” she haggled. “Just for that remark, five” the clown sneered in her face again, he was so close she could feel his breath on her nose. “You cant go up you fucker” “How much is your life worth to you little human” “About 300 bucks a month, clown.” “Four.. not including utilities” he smiled like the devil himself. She broke. “Look if you don’t kill me then my ex probably will. Im dead either way. Probably safer with a bunch of monsters than with that psycho, so $350 with utilities and I wont call the cops and make sure people stay away from your place. You all obviously want to remain here in secret so I keep my mouth shut about what you are and you give me a cheap place to live and start over. I honestly don't give a shit if I'm living with demon dolls and cannibals. I just want freedom from my old shitty life and my old shitty ex.” she stared back into the clowns eyes in pure defiance. Blue and gold bore into each other in some unseen battle. Few have ever done this to him before and were allowed to live. Finally the clown broke the stare he was a bit thrown off. “I’m not a cannibal I'm not even human you disgusting Leech.” he mumbled. Clearly the demon clown had a pride issue. “Wait call the cops? Ah shit Chucky you forgot to take her phone???” the Tiffany yelled at the male doll. “You didn't fucking tell me too! I thought we were going to kill her like we do with all the humans that wander in here!! Didn't see the fucking need but apparently were all going soft because Buck Tooth McForehead over here is worried about foreclosure!” “You idiot! You never listen to me!!!!” she screamed and lunged at him. The clown rolled his eyes at them, apparently this happened a lot. “Can you guys please take this to the bedroom, since I know where this is going and I really don't want walk in to find you making up on my sofa again.” Leatherface who had been mostly silent had moaned and covered his eyes clearly grossed out at the thought. “FINE were leaving! Tell us when you two kids make a damn deal instead of eye fucking each other for hours” Chucky shouted from the floor his wife’s hands around his neck. “Ew what the hell man we weren’t…” Lucy began but was cut off by an eruption of anger from the clown. “GET OUT.” the clown roared.They stood up and Chucky took his wife’s hand in his and Tiffany gave Lucy a wink as she left. “what the hell was that-“ Lucy started. “Ignore them” the clown interrupted once again. “Ok but like what did he mean by-“ “Ignore them” She turned her attention again to the tall murderous, inhuman apparently, clown. Who was clearly extremely annoyed with the whole situation. “So we have a deal clown?” “Pennywise” the clown said. “PennyWhat?” “I have a name and its Pennywise… The dancing clown.” “You dance?” “Not the point.” “Can I see?” “No.” “I thought clowns liked to preform.” “Are you finished?” “Maybe.” Lucy fired back at him. The clown was not used to this amount of sass from such a small frail looking thing. She could certainly run her mouth. It reminded him of a very specific boy that had smacked him in the head with a baseball bat all those years ago. He knew he was going to hate this human, but he had little to no choice in this. The Well-house was apart of him and desperate times call for desperate measures. He decided to wait to kill her when she tries to move out. It'll happen eventually anyway, after all this human will be living amongst monsters, horrible abominations true living nightmares! No normal sane human would be able to last long in this situation. And then he will enjoy feasting on this small thing’s flesh. Biting into her pale skin hearing her cry out in fear when he turns on her. Oh yes her sweet, delicious, beautiful fear. He'd inhale her scent and burry his nose into her bleeding flesh licking the wound in her neck. Those big blue eyes wide in terror as the filthy leech rose up finally floating. Her short platinum hair swirling around her frozen face. Beautiful, intoxicating, delicious, alluring, all mine, mine, mine, MINE- he woke himself from his trance his eyes had drifted apart and he was drooling immensely. She was staring at him waiting for him to say something. He mentally cursed himself for those strange thoughts that had just drifted through his head. “You uh…. you ok there? It looks like you left earth there for a bit” The clown sighed and growled more turning to his giant flatmate. “Untie her and bring me some ink Leatherface, lets just get this over with” Pennywise said exhausted. The giant equally concerned and confused grabbed a knife off the kitchen wall and cut her free. Lucy’s first instinct was to run but she glued herself into the reality of her situation. The behemoth walked over to her still holding the knife and she suddenly felt the fear come back. What if the clown had lied? The giant grabbed her hand roughly. Shit she began to panic as he pressed the blade into her hand and cut. Pennywise was now sporting a devilish grin seeing his flatmate to be squirm and whimper under the blade. He suddenly had an old looking contract and a quill in his hand which he laid out on the table in front of her “Read it and sign it Leech” he sneered “Really? Im signing it in blood? Really?” “You’re being difficult and childish just sign the damn paper.” “Why do you keep calling me Leech anyway?” “Because you're sucking me dry with this $350 a month deal, sign the paper.” “Do I get to at least remodel my room?” “SIGN THE PAPER” “Bite me clown. I want to know the fine details.” “Careful what you wish for little Leech it just might come true.” he muttered. “That a threat Penny?” she fired backThe clown glared at the nickname. “You know, you’re cute when you're mad” she chuckled reading the document. “Interesting requirements you got here. Don’t know what the hell this whole community council thing is and all these weird secrets but eh its cheap living can’t complain.” she dabbed the pen on her open wound and scribbled her name on the line. “Congratulations were flatmates.” the clown growled snatching the paper and walked off towards the basement. Lucy turned to Leatherface and chuckled. “I like him, he’s fun. So you guys gonna take me on the grand tour?” the giant still very confused with the whole situation nodded silently and Lucy followed him out. She didn't quite know what she just agreed to and this definitely wasn't the change she had in mind. All she knew was that she had wished for a new start and she sure as hell was getting one.

#pennywise #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise x oc #monster roommate au #pennywise the dancing clown #pennywise the clown #it 2017 #im sorry this is so goofy and dumb

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idristardis · 7 years

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WIP Week - Day 5: Canon-Verse WIP

It’s a little bit of a bending of the “rules” to say this is canon-verse. Technically, there’s nothing saying this isn’t canon, as we don’t know what happened to Merida or anyone else from Dunbroch after she went back there during the Only You episode of OUAT...but we don’t explicitly know anything about that time...so I’m creating canon of my own in the very wide window left by the show.

This is the beginning of Chapter 3 of The Planets Bend Between Us, which is available on my tumblr in the “my fic” tag, and on AO3 by clicking here.

I will finish this fic some day. I swear it.

For now, enjoy this fragment!!

“I think you’re full of shite, Harry.”

The amused voice of one of her brothers – Hamish, Merida thought – brought her up short. She’d snatched a brief bit of time to herself in between the day’s council meetings and dinner and had gone for a walk in the colonnade that edged the castle’s inner garden.

It was one of her favorite places in the castle or grounds – tied with the stables, though both were a close second to the training fields. Normally, it was fairly empty and quiet in the colonnade, which is why she liked it – it gave her someplace to go and sort through her thoughts when taking Angus out or running through practice drills wasn’t an option.

Today, she simply didn’t have enough time for a ride, or to go down and take part in drills, much though she’d like to. She didn’t even have long enough to go down to her ‘thinking rock’ overlooking the training fields. Council sessions had run long and she only had a handful of moments before it was time for the evening meal.

An after that particular council session, I’ve plenty of energy t’burn, she thought to herself.

So. The colonnade it was.

But today of all days, it would seem that she wasn’t alone.

“Pff, you didn’t see ‘em together,” Harris responded, his voice floating clearly to where Merida stood. She couldn’t see either of her brothers, but could guess that they must be around the corner. The spot was blocked from her view, but she could hear their conversation clearly. A momentary pang of guilt set in when she considered her eavesdropping – but then she remembered how often they used to do the same thing to her when they were younger and her remorse fled.

Staying out of sight behind one of the large stone pillars that supported the colonnade’s arches, she waited, with eager curiosity, to hear what her brothers would say next.

“Oh? And what exactly d’you think you saw?” Hamish asked, a note of skepticism coloring his tone.

“Well, he’s been followin’ her everywhere like a lamb followin’ after it’s mother, and makin’ moon eyes at her somethin’ awful. We all know exactly why he’s lingerin’ about the castle – and it isn’t that so-called trade alliance,” Harris answered.

“I still think ye’ve got no proof,” Hamish replied.

“And I think he’s got the look of a man who has a proposal itchin’ t’burst out of ‘im at just about any moment. Mark my words, he’s on the brink of offerin’ fer her hand,” Harris retorted.

“So what if he does?” This from Hubert, who’d remained quiet until that moment.

“Well, I can think o’someone who’d not take too kindly t’that idea,” Harris said.

“Ye mean other than Mer?” Hubert asked, amused.

“Ye know very well who I’m talkin’ about. Ye ken as well as I do that –” Harris started, but Merida would never hear the end of his sentence, as heavy footfalls and a discrete cough sounded from behind her, making it impossible for her to follow the conversation any longer.

She turned, and upon seeing who her visitor was, forced herself to plaster an approximation of a polite smile on her face – though she feared it came across more like a grimace. “Prince Jurgen. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

The prince, a tall, thin, sallow-complexioned man with long dark hair and lips that seemed permanently fixed in a slight pout – even when he was smiling, which was disconcerting – bowed formally to her before speaking. “Truly, your highness, the pleasure is all mine.”

Merida made a valiant effort to repress the shudder that raced along her spine, but it was a near thing. Thankfully, the prince seemed not to notice. She tried again. “You flatter me, sir. And you keep me in suspense. What is it that has sent you in search of me?”

Jurgen inclined his head slightly. The movement was meant to be deferential, she was sure, but somehow it came across as obsequious and slightly smarmy instead. “I was hoping I might escort you to the great hall for the evening meal, and perhaps interest you in a walk this evening after it.”

“Ah,” Merida blinked. “Of course.” She regretted the loss of her private stroll around the colonnade, but there was no polite way to refuse him. He offered his arm and she took it, pondering his solicitous behavior as they began to walk towards the hall.

His request for an after-dinner walk was not entirely surprising – in the time that he’d been in Dunbroch, Prince Jurgen had been making a distinct effort to spend time with her outside of the (rather protracted, Merida thought) trade negotiations, and had turned up more than once where she’d not expected him. He’d spent one afternoon lingering in the corner of the great hall, quietly observing her as she dealt with petitions from her subjects. Another time (or two), she’d come across him in the stables either heading out for a ride or returning from one as she’d been spending a precious few minutes of quiet time tending to Angus. He’d also spent a fair few days at the training fields, either watching her archery practice or participating in the larger drills with her men.

And all that was on top of the nightly meal in the great hall where he was treated as an honored guest and seated at the head table with Merida, her mother, the clan lords, and several other members of the royal council. It isn’t unusual, she mused, in all likelihood he’s just tryin’ t’grease the wheels for a better trade deal by ingratiatin’ himself as much as he can.

Still, something about the prince’s near omnipresence over the past few days continued to niggle at her as they walked, and then suddenly, clear as a bell, the fragments of her brothers’ earlier conversation rushed back into her memory. Particularly Harris’ assertions that some unknown “he” had the look of a man who was about to propose, and that said man had been following his intended around like a moony-eyed lamb.

Oh. Oh no.

#ouat #ouat ff #merintosh #wip week #fic: the planets bend between us #my fic #siiiigh #i miss working on this #i've got it all plotted out #it WILL be done #someday

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obsxbjoo · 7 years

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mundorkday heyo

Preferred name: tbh I’ll respond to any noise you make in my general direction but Inc is totally fine as well !!  Preferred pronouns: any ?? any,,   Timezone: MST (UTC -7 or smth) ey -yodels at the top of the Rocky Mountains-

Preferred writing style: 

hahah is it news that I don’t have a preference ?? tbh I’m super cool with any format, para, sms, dialogue or otherwise !! I actually find it a mote easier to respond to styles that are naturally shorter but thats jus bc I feel like it’s less pressure and I don’t have to fiddle with words for nine billion years pFSFSFSSS but I love em all the same !! just,, might respond faster to shorter ones just because its easier for me haaa

Preferred writing genre:

boy I’d love to try anything at least twice hahah //shot exploring different themes is always a treat in my experience ?? wherever the inspiration takes us ! I just believe that putting a muse into different situations can showcase different sides that wouldn’t have otherwise come to light !! does the usually distant or socially awkward muse have a chivalrous streak ? is the quiet one actually good with comforting people ? does the tough one have a way with children ? does the small one LOVE CHEESY GARLIC BREAD CHIPS ?? it’s always a discovery and I think it’s pretty great pFFFS,,, explorinn find the new things I’ll admit tho I’m all for them crack and dank memes 

Genres you’re less interested/would rather not partake in:

as a minor I’m neither interested in nor willing to write smut or excessively sexual content :’> anything else is really fair game !!  

Any other writing preferences?

ah I guess ?? I usually prefer small text but really it doesn’t matter either way hahaha anything else is pretty Aesthetic but also time consuming so I’m like ?? wow ?? amazing but also ahahah I’m so lazy so um yeah I’m pretty minimal on formatting,,

Favorite color:

right but listen here every color is beautiful in its own right like yeah some are drab some are neon some are pale and others aren’t and that is honestly incredible *DEEP BREATH* tl;dr how do you expect me to choose

 Favorite/lucky number:

uuuhhhhh,,, well idk the number 9 or 1 / 11 appears a lot in my life I guess hahahaha 

A song/show/drama you’d recommend:

a friend of mine would like me to promote Scorpion (cbs) and I’ve seen the first two episodes and it’s pretty great so far ?? either way I’ve peeked into quite a few different corners of music/show/drama tho but at the sam time I know like nonE AHAH,,, tho for real you can get me into pretty much anything ?? I always find something to appreciate pffs 

Fill in the blank: “You’re always free to message me about ___!”

yelling ?? idk man for real I’m a huge chatterbox and I always want to talk to people haha !! really feel free to start a conversation with me about like,, most anything tbH,, if it’s a topic I’m not familiar with you should 100000% tell me about it ?? I’d love it :00 ( also we can always just hold a conversation in just screeching I’m down for that also )

 If you could choose a species in Obscura that you’d like to be, what would it be? Why?

geeeee all the species r pretty cool ?? tho bein a vampire or a werewolf is to u gh so like I honestly don’t think I could pull it off hAHAHA,,, tbh a beast blooded would be mighty cool !! I’d totally want to be a dragon :‘DDDD

 What is your ultimate weakness; what makes you feel all soft and squishy inside?

um,,, tbh ships ?? and not even just the romantic kind like give me familial ships,, friendships, hateships, platonic ships ???? I’ll just m elt inside hahahaha wow I’m super lame.,, just some kids just having to deal with each other’s existence in their lives is honestly the best,,, angst also makes me cry and hurt forever but I love it 8")

 Write the first thing to come to mind in caps:

tHATS NOT WHAT THE FROG COLOR IS 

Three random facts about you: HAHAHAH whoops I absolutely,,, s UC K at these pFF ok um,, um lessee other than the fact that I’m lame

a pair of magpies were going to build a nest in this smol conifer right up against a window in our house and like ?? yo you could see the beginnings of the twigs getting threaded through there and I was like :000 !!! hype ?? wow they chose this place to be home and I was so ready 2 take pictures of ugly baby dinos I mean cute baby magpies since it’s like I could sit on the arm chair that’s up against the window and I could have full vantage of the lil nest ??? as I was saying, hype !! bUT THEN MY MOM TOOK OUT A FRUIT KNIFE THE ONE WE CUT WATERMELONS WITH AND SAWED OFF THE WHOLE BRANCH AND THREW IT TWIGS AND ALL INTO THE TRASH AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHG -sobs softly- im just sorry for the poor magpie pair,,, I’m sorry we wasted all your hard work,,, ( mom’s explanation: this is my house so I’m not going to let them build a home on my home I was here first !! ) tho like I don’t think the magpies moved out tbh I saw the other day they were perched on our tree so ???? I’m just sad I missed out on the great pictures sob it was like a fairy tale ( I tried to talk my mom out of it by saying about how a pair of magpies were considered auspicious n all and I’m disappointed it didn’t work ?? I made a pretty good argument I feel ;v )

right so like last week we had a few slices of raisin bread from T&T ( our local Asian food supplier in the form of a supermarket eyyy ) and I was like,,, wow ??? dude how great would raisin bread french toast be like wOW !!? I’ve never made french toast before and tbh we’re like rice everyday ™ and honestly the inside of our fridge has never seen cheese or cream or pasta ( ok look I know uncooked pasta doesn’t go in the fridge but I was making a point ) and certain other western-type foods are rare guests ( a tragedy rly because I love that stuff ) bUT ANYWAY !! I was thinking about french toast and going,,, woah,,, woah woAH ??? we might actually have all the ingredients ?? we always have eggs, and… oh, half and half…? aw… we don’t have that— oH but you can make it with milk and butter ??? gasp i actually think we have like 1 stick of frozen butter from waaaay back and I’m sure it’s saved there omg this’ll work. we don’t have nutmeg but… I distinctly remember getting vanilla extract and my mom says we have cinnamon ?? I didn’t even know we had cinnamon !! wow this is going to work imma make it for breakfast tomorrow it will be great !! so cue tomorrow, I wake up earlier to get it ready ( lmao since usually I wake up like 5 mins before transit comes and toss stuff into my backpack and leave ) and,,, and it turns out we I overestimated what we had in our fridge aHAHA,,, what I thought was a stick of butter was actually yeast and there was ?? no sugar ?? I could not find sugar,,, we didn’t have milk either and I was v disappointed in myself bUT !! I still made it using soy milk and brown sugar ( it was super hard I was chiseling it with a spoon ) but luckily I did manage to dig out the vanilla extract + the cinnamon was def there, as were the eggs and salt was around. of course, had to use vegetable oil instead of butter to grease the pan as I’d planned but !! it totally turns out great and was a p good success considering a first attempt hahaha,,, topped it with bananas, crumbled walnut and maple syrup and it was great :^))))))

ummmmmmmmmmmm wow those turned out long hAHAHA,, uh no other interesting stories are coming to mind right away but like ?? I guess one time when I was a kid we were in Toronto I think and I,,, rushed some pigeons ( like when u try to make people flinch right ?? yeah ) some pigeons that were in a courtyard and like,,, ok so there was a lady eating subway and she was a respectable business lady or smth bUT SO THE FLOCK OF PIGEONS ALL TOOK OFF AND SHE ( understandably ) SPOOKED AND DROPPED HER SUBWAY AND WALKED QUICKLY AWAY AND WOW I FELT SO BAD AAHHAAHAAAaaa,,, either way the pigeons descended on the subway and it was never seen again,,, I still feel rlllyyy bad abt it I’m so sorry for like ruining that woman’s day sobbbbb

ohey and we come full circle aHahah,, one story about birds, another story about food, and then a story about birds and food aahhaahaHAHAA,,, pretty accurate reflection of my life tbh,,, I’m all about birds and food

oH,, oh,, ‘nother story came to mind which involves a rly majestic nosebleed but uh hmmm let’s save that one PSHH

#warning because wow is this a heckin long post !!#「 ooc. 」#obs: munday #aka listen to me fail at talking about myself + asdflsdfj edition :')#is this a week late or is it on time? no one will ever know

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