#literally cannot have shit in this place

[eriophorumcallitrix]

ignore this post I’m venting my disappointment in the tags abt twitter LMFAOOO

#dude do you have any idea how fucking awful it feels to go on a social media site and have your favourite character just be constantly #shit on? like I’ve gotten attached in an autistic way to this fucker and now it’s legitimately made my mental health for the past few days #TANK. I used to go on twitter and see people be normal instead of being bombarded with hatred from every angle #and not to get me started on the fact that bad refuses to fucking say anything #like okay man! just let the hatred fester and let people who actually liked you turn on you because you made a stupid ass decision #it’s literally just a hostile fucking environment on one end and the other is in radio silence #im still so attached and I fucking hate it #I hate the motherfuckers on twitter and I hate bad being so goddamn silent #I hate the people defending him in places where he’s wrong and I hate the people who take every chance to twist his words #I love my mutuals who are sensible people #but I cannot fucking stand everything else #and sorry for being so upset when im shamed out of a special interest and what used to be a safe place for me #you motherfuckers have EVERYTHING. you have the numbers. the popular ships. you have people who will defend you #literally cannot have shit in this place #our fav is treated like shit and yours is praised to the high heavens #in and out of game he’s constantly fucking disrespected #can you even imagine how that feels to someone who gets so attached to a character and his dynamic that it influences their mental state #or is it just easier to play the Saint who is never wrong and will never be #I fucking hate what bad did and I’m disgusted that he’s still friends with that fucker #and I am still attached to his character and story #the shame is legitimately overwhelming #fuck it all. really and truly #and most of all fuck qsmptwt I cannot stand you motherfuckers #my mutuals and oomfs are obviously exempt from previous statement

[ruporas]

special operatives (silly interaction beneath read more)

[ID: Digital Art in color of Trigun Maximum, characters included are Wolfwood, Elendira, and Legato in a casual meeting situation. The piece consists of orangey yellow lighting and purple shadows. Wolfwood sits on the left side, facing Elendira who’s on the right. He’s seated on a plain wooden chair with one knee up and he’s holding the strap to his Punisher in his left hand while his right sits against his thigh, He has an irritated expression as he speaks to Elendira. Elendira is sitting in a fancier seat, her right arm rests against Wolfwood’s propped up knee, her left hand holds her suitcase. She’s sitting cross legged with an amused expression. Legato can be seen in the back at the center of the image in his mobile body case, one of his eyes shown to be glaring at Wolfwood. End ID]

[ID: Sketch, uncolored comic. Elendira says to Wolfwood, “I’m not telling you to dedicate yourself to him, but just accept the situation at hand. We could get along better if we were on the same page.” Wolfwood responds, “Don’t peg me me for an optimist. I’m not dumb. But, I’m also not going to just live in resignation. Plus, I don’t have any interest in getting along with ya.” Elendira coos, “Aw, you sure? I have a wonderful shoulder to cry on when the weak people you’re trying to protect eventually dies in the coming months. Though, I guess it’s fine. Someone like you might just die before then anyway...” She snickers in her hand while Wolfwood is speechless and just glares. Legato is faintly drawn in the back, glaring at Wolfwood, muttering “worthless” repetitively. End ID]

#trigun #trigun maximum #nicholas d wolfwood #elendira the crimsonnail #legato bluesummers #YES they were together in scene canonically for only 1 Measly chapter. Yes legato dipped like 2 seconds later but listen #trigun has such a fun cast and such a vague sense of time that i love to just throw in whatever Chances of the gung hos meeting outside of #canonic time... i mentioned before but i do think ww just runs into them on occasion from town to town #this illust would have to take place after the remembrance of july though ofc since that was when ww first saw elendira... which is still #the funniest ww ever bc he was so Shocked. LIKE AGHAST... BC IT WAS ELENDIRA THE CRIMSONAIL. he was starstruckk it was so cute #elendira of all people deserve that kind of reaction though im glad that they hyped it up with ww of all people. bc its like wow even ww is #kind of intimidated! even though he gained his grips like 5 seconds later to talk back to her. which is why i think theyd have a funny #dynamic. and legato is just there. he does not care about them but he also hates them and it's fun to think about how that'd extend to #wolfwood after knives specifically left the gung hos up to him and then explicitly didnt say shit after giving ww a special little mission #it also is just like. legato is pretty passive in trimax until someone is actively betraying knives or when its vash #and ww also does not give a shit about legato bc he also is like. vaguely aware he'd lose in a fight. so all i make them do is stare at each #other passive aggressively. TRISTAMP on the otherhand is ridiculously insane for making legato genuinely hold enough aggression towards ww #to literally activate his character arc in the season sgmkdsgm cannot wait for final phase where legato not only deeply detest vash but also #bears a similar aggression towards ww. actually im not sure whether i should be Excited for that or not but it would be an interesting #ruporas art

[soullessjack]

tumblr is a cesspool of bad fandom opinions but spn tiktok is another ring of hell entirely because like. what do you mean “lucifer would’ve been a better father to jack than dean.” what do you mean “mary was just as bad if not worse than john.” why are you calling people pedophiles for wanting a grown man just because you think he’s mentally stunted because he wears Velcro shoes. do you understand what you are saying. are your brain cells active and functioning properly

#the dean hate….. the mary hate... I cannot abide by it #mary is just this fandoms skylar white if I’m being so completely serious and honest #cal.txt #spn #supernatural #spn tiktok #spn fandom #dean winchester #mary winchester #jack kline #if I have to see one more ‘deans not jacks dad’ edit I will eat fire and shit lava #that takes up the majority of jack edits too 😭😭😭😭😭 #dean&jack girls we are losing so hard #I never expect media literacy or nuance from tiktok of all places but come onnnnn guys why are you even here #this is literally the gray area of morality show!!!!

[professorsparklepants]

Had an extremely long, plotty dream that took place in Tajikstan. It was very detailed and very Muslim women centric with interesting aspects of local culture at the front of the plot.

Then I woke up and remembered that I don't know anything about Tajikistan.

#literally yesterday if you asked me to list -stan countries i would have forgotten it #that is how littke i know about tajikstan #where did this entire plot about a second generation american going to her grandparents place in the country to be a teacher #& clashing with local culture while being a devout muslim and dating a boy who fell for her when she visited as a child #even COME from #there was a plot point about local embroidery???? #i cannot express enough how much shit my brain made up out of nowhere #dream journal

[charmallows]

every day people misunderstand steven universe future and every day i have to pay for it (being very annoyed)

#like at this point ppl just misinterpret it on purpose just to argue....cause its ridiculous // #number 1 steven defender til the day i die. these mfs cannot keep giving him shit #like. maybe its not that deep but just SAY you do not care about real mental health struggles and get the fuck out #if you cant even handle your precious little angel steven having an understandable reaction to literal trauma #then maybe you just didnt understand steven in the first place. #no you dont like classic steven more than future steven you just Dont Like Steven #by treating him like a different character when he does something you dont like you are PART of the problem #the point is that you do not root for him. youre not SUPPOSED to root for him when he is actively breaking down #youre faced with his struggles and you hope for his recovery. you FEEL for him. like GOD #its fine to not like suf but dont blatantly read it in bad faith just because you dont like it #dont pretend its trying to say something its obviously Not #sighs #su #charmaaallow

[bunkernine]

society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.

#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing #its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well #further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans #wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up #dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their #departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why #leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never #too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran #and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally #going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic #is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13 #in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or #possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD! #anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman. #but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr. #but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i #forgot he died 🧍‍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo #is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.' #OK! #but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.

[ujunxverse]

password protected all my blogs except @/oiwxa. i am done with enhypen and i'm solely focusing on writing for txt.

#ujutxt #can't delete all those blogs in case i miraculously decide to come back #but for the most part i've just privated them so i don't have to constantly get idk #notifications #they're not even reblogs it's literally just likes #like i'm done lol #will just be writing for txt #that's it #tbh i'm also genuinely done w kpop save for like casually listening or following a few groups #genuinely cannot be bothered to write for en- like i don't care abt them at all now #twas good while it lasted and wrote lots of stories that are quite frankly my favs of all time in my entire fanfic writing journey #but at the same time #that era is done #jidaigeki even though it's my brainchild #is scrapped #she is gone #also the en- fandom is so shit now lmao it's literally like #the moment groups become too big to fail they attract theh worst kind of people #the community went from really good to a shitshow #like i thought we were getting to a place where writers transition from smaus to longer form but ig not

[nexus-nebulae]

ok but genuinely why is Literally Everyone I Know just perfectly okay with the complete degradation of quality of like basically EVERY product you can find anywhere like i literally cannot find a bookshelf at all currently because they're literally not made well enough to hold ACTUAL BOOKS

#like every single bookshelf i have found made within the last few years i can't even put half a shelf of books on it without it bending #My bookshelf CRACKS if i put my bigger books on it #like. i really fucking like big old books. i fucking LOVE looking at them #i have like three old dictionaries and a set of encyclopedias and a Shakespeare collection and now a Lovecraft collection #and i literally just do not have any sturdy place to put them at all???? they're on the floor in my closet??? #i cannot find anywhere that sells furniture that isn't made of particle board i fucking hate it #literally everything is either walmart quality or too fucking old and heavy to move like where is the normal fucking furniture #what happened to product reviews and shit. what happened to consumers having literally any input into products #nobody tells these companies they fucking suck and need to get their shit together

[anaalnathrakhs]

it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD. #EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY #OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH #i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion'' #they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them #so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child #they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table #just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase #i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either? #i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them. #i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to. #but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset #quiet at home #and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places #and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway? #keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine? #try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened? #i dont know how to live like a normal person #literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X. #go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book. #because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped. #everything hurts holy shit #broadcasting my misery #vent #ed tw

[rotisseries]

well now u have to explain ur beef w spirk to me

AKAJDHFJS OK. so back in march when EVERYONE was running poll tournaments, my lovely mutual @tallytals ran a sun and moon duo one, @sun-n-moon-showdown. spirk was one of the contestants (so was merthur btw jayme got mad when they lost), but, so was MY pick, MYYY submission, the CLEAR winner, joe and nicky from netflix original action movie the old guard. tals' poll accidentally got pretty popular, so naturally spirk starts sweeping it's polls, meanwhile I'm over there just fighting for the joenicky agenda, because they were not the most popular pairing involved, so I'm campaigning like crazy I'm reblogging their polls to MY poll tournament sideblog for more attention and I'm CALLING IN FAVORS. I'm hitting up more popular mutuals to ask them to rb the poll for me (hella. hi hella if you see this do you remember that) AND I sent an ask to this old guard blog that I knew was relatively popular in the fandom, THEY bring attention to it, SO NOW THIS FANDOM THAT HAS BEEN A LITTLE DRY FOR A FEW YEARS ARE ALL GOING NUTS FOR THIS POLL LIKE THE BAND GOT BACK TOGETHER FOR A REUNION TOUR. there was strategy involved in this. the blog was organizing people and telling them to go mass vote for the less popular pairings in the other polls so joe and nicky would have easy competition. we should've won. we deserved it. BUT. IN QUARTER FINALS. WE ARE UP AGAINST SPIRK. IT IS A HARROWING TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. MY BLOG WAS A WAR ZONE. IT IS SO SO SO CLOSE. LITERALLY NECK AND NECK. WE LOSE BY POINT. 10. POINT TEN!!! PERCENT!!! IT IS LITERALLY 49.2 to 50.8!! I COULD FUCKING KILL A MAN

AND WHAT MAKES THAT LOSS SO BRUTAL. SO GUTWRENCHING. IS THE SPIRK FANS DIDN'T EVEN TRY. THEY RODE THE COATTAILS OF POP CULTURE KNOWLEDGE TO THE END. JOE NICKY VOTERS. WE WERE OUT THERE QUOTING THE VAN SPEECH. FROM MEMORY. YOU ARE A CHILD. AN INFANT. YOUR MOCKING IS THUS INFANTILE THIS MAN IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. HE'S MORE TO ME THAN YOU CAN DREAM. HE'S THE MOON WHEN I'M LOST IN DARKNESS AND WARMTH WHEN I SHIVER IN COLD AND HIS KISS STILL THRILLS ME EVEN AFTER A MILLENIA. HIS HEART OVERFLOWS WITH A KINDNESS OF WHICH THIS WORLD IS NOT WORTHY OF. I LOVE THIS MAN BEYOND MEASURE AND REASON. THIS MAN IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. HE IS ALL AND HE'S MORE. <- QUOTE FROM JOE ABOUT NICKY. FUCKING INSANE. EXTRA INSANE THING I FOUND OUT FROM ALL THE PROPAGANDA!! THE MOON HAS EXTRA SYMBOLISM BECAUSE JOE IS MUSLIM!!! I DON'T REMEMBER THE SPECIFICS BUT IT WAS IMPORTANT!! AND THAT JUST SERVES MY POINT. JOENICKY VOTERS WERE BRINGING ACADEMIC TEXTS THEY WERE BRINGING COLLEGE LEVEL COURSEWORK AND WHAT DID SPIRK BRING??? "oh guys don't forget your fandom history!!" THIS!! IS NOT!! THE FUCKING!! FANDOM HISTORY POLL!! IT IS THE SUN AND MOON POLL!! BLUE AND YELLOW COLOR CODING DOES NOT A SUN AND MOON COUPLE MAKE!! THEY BROUGHT NO EFFORT NO PROPAGANDA THEY JUST THOUGHT THEY DESERVED TO WIN BECAUSE THEY ARE ENTITLED. AND THEN THEY DID. THEY WON QUARTER FINALS. AND SO NOW I WILL MAKE SURE TO VOTE AGAINST SPIRK IN EVERY POLL I EVER SEE. INCLUDING THE FUCKING FANDOM HISTORY ONES. THEY DESERVE NOTHING

#sp*rk lost semi finals to someone else luckily and then there was a redemption round and joe and nicky got 2nd place #but like. that's not the fucking same. we should've sweeped unconditionally #there were other pairings that did not deserve to be there and be winning. but sp*rk was just especially brutal #cause they were bringing literally zero effort completely unconcerned #and then they got MAD!! there were sp*rk voters sending in asks MAD about how the rest of us were bitching about sp*rk not being sun/moon #BUT LIKE. DID THEY BOTHER TO PROVE IT. NO. NOT JACK SHIT #we were like “hey it SUCKS that they're winning and they don't even have a reason” and they were like “we have reasons😡” #AND THEY PROVIDED NOTHING!!! #I got sooo heated that whole time<3 I remember threatening to kms in front of everyone forever changing the trajectory of their lives <3 #I sent in asks to the blog. THAT GOT PUBLISHED. that would've gotten me blocked per the “keep it friendly” rules #if not for mutual privileges #anyway I hope sp*rk fans choke and die everyone watch the old guard on netflix #ask #booksandpaperss #hi elli! #cannot believe canonical queer sun and moon couple with extra religious symbolism lost to blue and yellow shirt fanon #because of numbers. disgusting #anyway march was fun<33

[anotherpapercut]

The only time I was ever scared to request a book from the library was because it was a book that had an Erotica version and a non erotica version and I had to specify that yes I was here specifically For Porn and the lady did not even blink she was just like alright I will see if it's in the budget :D so I am now unstoppable

(it was not, in fact, in the budget, but they helped me get it from an inter library loan so it all worked out.)

I think the people saying they can't request queer books are caught up in the same kind of "I can't do this, I will be judged" mentality that I was with the aforementioned erotica, but instead of being fucking normal about it they have to idk. Make up this huge insurmountable wall that doesn't actually exist but if they pretend it does then it isn't THEIR fault that they can't do this thing. and I think also they need to go outside

first of all this is a very sweet story second yes exactly this

they don't want to actually bother to put in any effort into making changes in the place they live because they've resigned themselves to it being bad so they say there's nothing they can do and they don't try! I see this literally all the time both with union organizing and in my city in general

does this place suck?? YEAH!! should we lie down and let these motherfuckers run things?? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

sometimes doing The Right Thing involves doing something that makes you a little bit anxious. that doesn't mean it's not worth doing! at a certain point you're going to have to grow up and make an effort lmao

#likeee i literally cannot stand when people are like 'well i have anxiety' #bitch im on 4 anxiety medications and i STILL have daily panic attacks #but i do this shit anyway because i care about other people #if my library really had 0 queer books id be at board meetings fighting it #because i refuse to sit back and let this happen. im not allowing future generations to grow up without these things #that would make me a selfish person lmfao. i would like to leave this world a better place than when i came into it #and i personally am prepared to fight for that. especially when it involves almost 0 effort lmaoooo

[lesbiansanemi]

Can Twitter finally just fucking implode I am so sick of hearing about that stupid ass website

#I also just fucking hate it and want it to die anyways #I’ve always hated it due to the insane influence it got in the publishing industry that makes it damn near impossible for some ppl to get #published or involved in the industry at all #like if you’re not on Twitter 24/7 or don’t have the right Twitter connections you literally cannot land a publishing deal el oh el #it was also the shift of so many writers having to do MOST of the marketing for their books rather than the publishing houses #which was ridiculous #like I dunno I literally don’t have the time/energy/socialization or networking skills to try and land an agent via the right fucking tweet #and I think it’s fucking stupid that that was a thing that started happening at all #ppl shouldn’t be pitching fucking books on TWITTER writers shouldn’t have to be public figures on Twitter for the sake of marketing #so I hate that stupid app and want it to fucking die so that new part of the industry goes down with it #like that is actually the main reason for my indescribable rage for Twitter #I hope it dies. and I hope I can stop reading shit about Elon musk for like two fucking minutes #also y’all sound fucking stupid with your ‘Elon is actually THIS dumb’ shit #because like yeah obviously he’s an idiot don’t get me wrong #but he’s not accidentally running Twitter into the ground just because he’s stupid #he’s deliberately trying to kill it because he never wanted to buy in the first place and wants it to become a write off #like yeah he’s still goddamn dumb but he’s NOT doing all this to try and make Twitter profitable el oh el #anyways. I’ll be quiet now y’all are just being annoying about this #kaz rambles

[gentlesounds]

ngl alhamdullilah for everything but I genuinely feel like emotionally I’ve hit rock bottom

#like the strangest thing about being an adult and having so many fucked up life experiences is that I’m happy for everything but my brain #literally cannot process shit normally anymore. and it was making me think about how my therapist was like you’re so beautifully self aware #that when your highs are high your lows become so low and that was the first time I felt validated over my feelings fr like I’m not insane #I just feel everything so deeply and two things can be true at the same time and it gave me resilience but fr. from the bottom of my heart #I’m so tired. I’m putting all my energy in the next 5 months to just leave this place and become a new person

[hella1975]

life’s falling apart except im being very howl pendragon about it in that im keeling over and becoming a giant goo monster and my hair changes colour and im sobbing inconsolably

#I hate my degree I’m this fucking close to transferring #just spent two hours crying and doing integrals #like literally sniffling as I took notes it was acc pathetic #if I fail these resits then that’s it im done i quit #im already shit compared to my sister and I’m already fulfilling every small town stereotype despite fighting it #which is almost worse than the people who didn’t fight it and just embraced it despite hating it #bc that means I literally just cannot escape this fucking town and it’s mediocrity #but I just actually don’t care anymore #I’ll be a drop out if I have to #I’ll do an english degree despite having no clear career path in mind #I’ll stay at the same uni if I can so I still have all my mates #and I’ll pretend the future is not a looming inevitable thing out to get me #im very aware that a lot of this thought process is coming from a place of immense dread and stress #and I’m also due on #so I probs WONT drop my course lmao #but omg I’ve never properly considered it the way I am rn im acc so miserable with it it’s killing me #hella goes to uni

[deviantartidentitydisorder]

i cant believe my social skills teacher said she had nothing to say about my parents. what the fuck

#this is what i fucking mean. #how did they brainwash every adult in my life to think *i* was an evil child?! #yourew telling me you have nothing to say about my parents even though i was showing up with self harm on my face smelling like cat pee #and cat shit and literally you let me come into your classroom to sleep or have melt downs in a safe place and listened to me talk about ho #thy were treating me they CALLED you DIRECTLY MULTIPLE TIMES *WHILE I WAS IN YOUR CLASS* and you have NOTHING to say! #???!??!?!?!! #NOTHING?! #and then i asked are you in contact with anyone who still works there who might be of help and she was like erm no! #I HAVE LOST. ALL TRUST IN YOU! BYE! #I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT!

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#my brother sending me photos of my entire family spending the holiday together w no commentary whatsoever #makes me foam at the fucking mouth bc its crystal fucking clear that literally anything i say will be gauged for reaction&judged on a scale #of 'is she over it? has she finally come to her senses? is she still throwing this fit?' #&yet somehow im the one in the wrong even though standing on my principles has cost me fucking everything #but sure yeah its my parents who still get to spend time w everyone who are really the victims here. #i get to choose between having no family&letting trash back into my life but They are the ones whose hurt Really matters here. #glad they all got to spend christmas together. #glad that after everything i had to do in my life for their fucking family they all get to do family vacays now #bc apparently i am the one struggling the most financially in the family right now #a fact that tears my soul apart in ways i cannot even describe. #there are so many different types of fury warring in me right now lmao. i love the holidays season. i hate the holiday season. #photos of my parents smiling feel like my own personal ghosts of christmas past. #its like i can hear the screaming&shit breaking&hands being thrown all over the fucking place like its all happening in the other room. ♡ #who wouldve thought my mom smiling would give me ptsd flashbacks lmao.