#i dont know how to live like a normal person

[10yo-anon]

《 Sick days. 》

Satoru Gojo x F!reader

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

⚠️: slight silly type of hurt/comfort!! Yay! :3 (possibly ooc! Satoru), DIALOGEEEEE!!

WC: 896.

A/N: NOOOOO MY TUMBLR DRAFTS DIDN'T SAVE PART 2 OF DARK RED. I WAS HALFWAY FINISHED. IM USIBG THIS LIL DRABBLE TO COPE. AT SKEWL RN MAKING SKEWL DOODLES TO 💪

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

Day 1.

It wasn't often for Satoru to get sick. You know what? Scrap that. It was rare for him to get sick. Maybe once or twice every year. possibly due to him being a sorcerer.

And if he does get sick, it would be a simple cold that would only effusive his immune system for a few days! Unfair!

If you were honest, you kind of liked it when he would get sick.. he gets more clingy, begging for attention and being twice as affectionate as he was physically and emotionally than normal.

But now it doesn't look like just small cold when you see Satoru laying on the couch, groaning, instead of rushing towards your bedroom like he always does whenever he gets back from his missions and responsibilities.

"Satoru, you're back!—..are you okay?" You ask as you walk over to him, sitting on the soft arm chair.

"Huh?.." He tilts his head up to look at you before quickly sitting up, " baby, you're here— yes, yes I'm fine.. duh." he scoffs, "why are you asking? Concerned for your little ol' boyfriend, huh?" He attempts to distract you.

"Maybe because your face is all red, and I doubt its from blushing." You respond sternly, ignoring the last sentence he spat out.

"Its noth—" Before he could talk back, your hands cup his face, in which he subconsciously leans on. "Satoru.. you're sick." You frown. When he realizes you were concerned, his hand goes up to wrap around your wrist. "You know I'll be fine, besides, I'm sure this will go away sooner or later!" Though sweet, His reassurance pisses you off, how could he not care for himself! He should know better!

"Im not sure this will go away 'sooner or later', your temperatures too high." You kiss his forehead. "Nuh uh! Promise, im finee, besides, I dont need your help anyways." Is it possible for you to take your actions and words back?

"Oh, is that so? Fine then, Satoru." You huff before leaning away. "Wait— I don't mean it like that!" "Dosent look like you don't." He crosses his arms. "Fine then, maybe I do think I don't need your help." "Fine." You sigh out before turning away, walking back to the master bedroom to take do your night routine. "Fine!" You hear him respond back at the living room.

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

Day 2.

You wake up from your peaceful slumber, greeted by the pillow wall you made with the reason: "so your fever won't infect me." And Satoru's back. He would always wake up earlier than your, but given his state, it was understandable.

You wanted to help but after your small petty fight with him and his words, your ego won't let you.

You stretch your arms and hop out of bed, (not before you silently place a soft kiss on top of satoru's bed head.) the least you could do was to continue with your morning, and cook food for the both of you.

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

Is it possible for him to take his actions and words back?

He wanted to slap himself sooo bad.. not only did he make you angry, but he didn't even get his "goodnight" and "I love you", he couldn't cuddle you up the whole night because of your stupid idea of a pillow wall, (he knows your reason wasn't the only reason.) But now he had to wake up from his shitty slumber with a raging head ache. He didn't want to play this petty game anymore, but his ego doesn't want to lose. And he started it anyway.

He yawns and walks to the kitchen in search for you, but he only saw breakfast waiting for him and a note saying you went out for errands. Couldn't his day get any worse?

Grumbling curses to himself, he walks to the medicine cabinet you handmade and personally decorated for whenever he came back needing to get bandaged. His hand rummages through the cabinet, gauze.. syringes.. anesthesia...ah, pills!grabbing whatever packet of pills he saw first he sits back at the table seat, eating the delicious warm meal you left for him and swallowing down the pills with water soon after.

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

You take your shoes off, putting the bag of groceries on the counter before going to the bedroom to freshen up.

Your fight with Satoru was only a waiting game to see who breaks and loses, who gets their ego eaten by the other.

Surprisingly, Satoru was nowhere to be found, not until you feel arms wrapping around your waist from behind before he pulls you to his warm chest, leaning down to nuzzle his head on your neck, his warm skin touching yours.

"M'sorry. Im sooo sorry.." you hear and even feel him whine out. "Can't do this anymore.. take care of me, pleasee.."

"Oh, Toru." Maybe this is what happens when even your white blood cells have an ego.

You turn your body to face his slumping one. Barely balancing as he depends his weight down on you, until you both fall down the bed, him on top of you, successfully trapping you before smothering your face with kisses as you giggle from the ticklish feeling.

"Satoru! Stop!" You teasingly push him away. "Hey! You want to help me, don't you." "Mhm, well, yeah—" "then let me continue!" "This won't even help!" "I don't know about that... making you happy is actually taking my head ache away.."

"You geek."

《⊹🎧‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚‧ 🎧⊹》

A/N: so yeah, i got to rewrite dark red part 2 AGAIN. Before english period started i checked my drafts, and it wasn't there. So i wrote this lil drabble for the whole english period instead of writing notes just to cope 🤗

#☆— 【 fanfiction !! 】 #im sorry #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #satoru gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo x reader #satoru x y/n #satoru x you #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo fluff #satoru fluff

[sulfies]

In your heavy bleeding au, does Desmond remember his bleeds or does he just black out during the whole process? Also, does he have certain triggers?

Love all your au stuff btw owo

Im glad my au is infecting everyones brain muhahaha

to answer, when I draw Desmond with yellow eyes and fainting like a damsel I think in my head its one fo 2 things:

1) he is having such a heavy bleed(hehe pun) his body shuts down and all he can do is to live thru the bleed basically, he would not be able to tell its a bleed even if someone told him it was one(they cant tho since he is stuck in the bleed in his head) so he just has to ride it out. It probobly disorients him quiet a bit once he gets out of it for hrs maybe in some cases days.

2) he is having visions from apple and its such heavy knowledge his human brain kinda goes overheat mode.

In the end you can determine yourself (since its an au nothing is set in stone lol) if he remembers or not but for myself:

I think on 1)

he doesnt remember all details, after he is out of the episode he probobly remembers who the bleed was about and some context but not all, but some stuff lingers for few hours sometimes days as mentioned. maybe he finds hard to switch to the language he uses the most or his emotions carry over, like if it was about altair right after he lost his ranks, he feels some petty anger towards Malik he cannot explain but he can figure out it was cocky-altair memories probobly due to context clues. They are probobly like dreams(or nightmares) in a sense where the more he tries to remember the more he forgets about details…

for 2)

He is just not that smart enough (sorry Des ur no Altaïr…)to explain what the apple showed him but he probobly does remember in a sense; if its things like a remedy, a basic invention or instructions that he can learn from a yt video normally he can muscle memory to make em. its more like “how tf did u do that” “uhhh i have no idea” withing a limit lol so he cannot invent phones bc he probobly cant even make a phone in modern day

——————

for his other heavy bleeds where he is not passed out with eyes all gold I think some of the same rules as 1) apply where he doesnt know he is in a bleed, especially if he is bleeding as someone bc at that moment he thinks he is that person, but someone could snap him out of it if they tried (usually if he is bleeding ezio and actual ezio shows up he can make Des snap out of it but its not foolproof) and afterwards he probobly remembers most of it (to his horror) bc he did actively and physically live thru it. Like w the fic where he thinks there are guards after him but its a bleed, after he learns it is he still remembers them and sees them

but again I think the fun part is u can kinda make Des suffer in anyway you want (again…sorry Des…)so no rules are set in stone, so if you dont want him to remember anything after bleeds you are free to do so and ill probobly break these guides aswell lol

————-

for triggers hmm i think anything you want could be a trigger lol but it doesnt have to be “triggered” to happen. I think like that other fic when he first time-travels and lands in Italy or Levant he would most likely have a bleed where he thinks he is someone else sooner or later bc the enviroment shocks him and confuses him (as time travel does) so something that “shocks” him can send him into an episode but he could also be totally fine in another scenerio

in my hc w the fainting ones, they are similar to seizures w how they come and go (I do not get seizures so my research is very limited) so sometimes he can guess it will happen few seconds to min before but he cannot stop them and sometimes it just gets him by suprise, for the ones where he doesnt faint he again has no idea when it will happen and most likely cannot tell it will, those ones are probobly more affected by “triggers” but they dont have to be as I said above

ty for askingg sorry to give an essay as response lol

#take a shot everytime i say bleed to experiance your very own bleed #dont #im sorry desmond lol ı swear I do love you thats why I gave you a harem of assassins #assassin's creed #asks #heavy bleed effect au

[anaalnathrakhs]

it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.

mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.

#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD. #EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY #OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH #i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion'' #they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them #so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child #they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table #just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase #i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either? #i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them. #i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to. #but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset #quiet at home #and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places #and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway? #keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine? #try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened? #i dont know how to live like a normal person #literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X. #go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book. #because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped. #everything hurts holy shit #broadcasting my misery #vent #ed tw

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

phone calls my detested

#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao #i had to write down a little script for myself... #i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call #fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize #I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY #do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say #she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck #youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake #i had to rev myself up for the call too #put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence #phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing #my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking #absolutely unprompted #i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call #theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3 #no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being #fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead #i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant #perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant #i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze

[silenthillbunni]

.

#1st ​my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner #so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively #nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way #but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop #i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together #nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done #then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth #when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?' #'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting' #i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room #but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive #so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner #she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to #but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything #she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of #idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone #and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao #i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden #nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd #like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library #i wnna show my mom what books i got #it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality #why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks #anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to

[coffincoitus]

I don't want to live in this country anymore <3

#sorry to overshare... and i dont even know if it's appropriate to talk about this so casually #but i rly rly dont wanna go thru this shit again gdkshdks #id just gotten inside when it started #one of the ppl who died was a fellow student #i didnt know him personally but there were pictures circulating and i cant stop thinking of how insane that is #it couldve been someone i know and thats how id have learned that they were dead #i cant leave tonight bc it's not safe yet but im going back home tomorrow whether classes are canceled or not #and i cant think of a single reason to ever come back lol!!! it's not worth it!!!! not even for a diploma!!!! idc!!!!!! #it's not normal to live like this!!!! i refuse to participate!!!!!@@@

[yaoianime]

Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️ #sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

[perenlop]

"omg adults who watch bluey or pokemon are so cringey thats not normal, what freaks, they should get a job already instead of posting dumb headcanons online" real quick how do you feel about autistic adults or adults with down syndrome. or adults who have mental disabilities in general. particularly ones who have been into "baby shows" and never let go of them.

#and also most people who say this shit are like 90% more likely to not be normal about autistic adults #even if they are also autistic #and im basically just trying to say... you uncritically say stuff like this and its a slippery slope #''oh!!! oh i dont mean THOSE i mean uh. uh. they dont.... count........ because they uh....... uh.'' #sorry man everytime you go off about how adults who like kids stuff are abnormal freaks i think about my brother #who is 24 years old and needs a caretaker because he cant live on his own #and most of the stuff that makes him happy are shows like thomas the tank engine or sesame street #also like hello....... one of the most common experiences for an autistic person is not coping with change #and for most autistic people i know including myself that usually includes stuff like the kind of movies you watch #and even as we do branch out a good amount of us do linger on the old stuff for comfort #which is the case for myself

[raspberryjellybrains]

its been a billion years since I posted anything meaningful about mcga but I'm thinking about Alex helping Magnus with clothes.

I think Blitzen would love to help style Magnus, but I think he might accidentally end up being a bit overbearing, albeit with good intentions. He wants to help, but would probably end up tripping over his own fashion opinions more often than not, and Magnus would want to make his friend happy too much to actually voice his own opinions consistently. But Alex would understand that identity through fashion is something slow to be discovered on your own. It's not instant, it's a slow process of trying things and finding out what makes you feel good physically and emotionally. You can't pressure a person finding their own style, especially someone who's never had much room to do so and will likely feel guilty about making that room. She's gone through the process, and she'd probably be more than happy to help someone with it too.

I'm thinking about them going around to different stores and finding that Magnus likes second hand and low-end boutique stuff more than anything. Alex letting him onto her etsy account and buying his first piece of jewelry, taking him around to all of her favorite stores where she's greeted as a friend. Yeah, they could do all this in Valhalla, but where's the fun in that?

I think Magnus would like earth tones and dark, muted colors. He would avoid synthetic materials for their unnaturally soft textures and blue would make rare appearances. Alex would parade him around in his first pair of White Guy Khaki Shorts in five years, glowing with a silly sort of pride and Magnus feeling something kindle back to life in his chest at a growing collection or flannels, just like his mom. I'm imagining Magnus learning what it's like to live with his body, rather than despite it, and feel comfortable with himself in his surroundings for the first time since he was a little kid, taking a hike in the woods. And I'm thinking of Alex holding his hand the whole time.

#feeling sooooo sos normal rn #and i dont mean to make this post and trample the people who feel clothing has no bearing on their comfort or self perception #i just want to talk about how much it can mean to someone trying to find who they really are and come to terms with that person #and when i say style i dont mean aesthetic or fashion. i simply mean personal preferences for comfort and look (if that matters) #your personal style can literally be cheap graphic tees and basketball shorts and if that makes you happy then have fun!! live your truth!! #this is just me noting that magnus seems to almost intentionally avoid clothes except to mention discomfort and i think he should get a #happier relationship with his outer appearance than he has especially considering the royal fuckery thats happened with his bodily autonomy #and confidence within the context of the series #i might be crazy and projecting but i just want to give him something kind. as a treat. #and alex does seem to enjoy sharing her passions with those she cares about!! its quality time without any kind of social expectations #regarding the nature of their attachment. she can just spend time with someone she likes doing something she likes no strings attached. #im sure its qlso fun to gently heckle things throughout the process with someone whos gonna just nod along 💀 #im thinking way too hard about this #but im gonna hit post and know. i am still thinking. #magnus chase #alex fierro #mcga #mcga headcannon #raspberry rambles

[sapphroditewrites]

workin on a little gift for the holidays for y'all bc i'm so damn slow with the affair au (which i've weirdly started writing backwards? it's funny how that helps sometimes, but it's helped a lot)

it's not gonna be super polished and spit-shined like i usually try for, but it's something i was hoping to get around to every year, if that doesn't spoil the surprise lol

#it'll def be shorter than usual but then again #every time i say that it's never fucking short so i dont even know why im trying to speak that into existence #it's like i literally cannot shut up even when writing amazing it's a real talent that i have #plus im also trying to finish my hawkeye cracked video so i at least pushed one out this year #LMAO #goddamn well hopefully now that i'm moved out #i can save up for a beefy PC with better processing power for editing #and better storage #bc lemme tell ya an ipad is not great #and i need my mac memory for..... ok fine the sims dont judge me please i have an addiction #which is impressive of me to maintain bc whenever i buy an expansion pack #fucking TD locks my card and i have to call to confirm the purchase #do you have any idea #how humiliating that has been #literally for over a decade #even with the sims 3 #they just. constantly have done that #and i have constantly had to admit that yes #yes i am doing that. yes again. yes it's that much. yeah but this time it has cute hair cuts i like. #or yeah it's tiny home living . how do i explain that like a normal person. i talked w an agent abt the chickens for five minutes.

[imblocking-you]

As a Kaleidoscope of Death enjoyer, I'm really having fun with the vibes the Dreadful Night world is offering

#dreadful night #kaleidoscope of death #// maple #manhwa #listening to rain and river asmr too really sets that chilly camping in the mountains tone #what is one with bada's partner (i forgot his name) he's so sus #like he wants to help but the way he goes about it makes you think otherwise #ch 17 not killing hyungshin but giving him a death flag triggering statement smart but also cruel 😭😭 #the full immersion and when the chills start OH YK ITS GETTJNG GREAT #i love reading horror over watching precisely for this reason bc you dont just follow a story #you flesh out a world in your head and you get to live in it as well #your consciousness stands among the characters while the plot plays out in your head #and when it's not just horrow but they're aware of exactly what's going on and are trying to play it smart #but there's still an air of wonder of what's about to transpire #LOVE IT #ch. 20 i keep forgetting his name 😭 but PARTNER DAMN WHAT A POT STIRRER YOU ARE #wait no sorry for judging you #ALSO this has got to be brain expanding for hyungshin like how a normal person should act learning it's a game #being annoying and curious and shit unlike partner here who is oddly calm about everything 💀 #he moves so strategically it's annoying bro is the embodiment of never let them know your next move #also the way they incorporated sex here 😭 crazy #but i love the vibes so 🤷‍♂️ #im glad we're all acknowledging that partner is truly blackhearted #cunning x perceptive is hiking up in my ship list lowkey #and a character trait i'm starting to like is 'ambiguously something' LMAO #ch. 22 this is a whole 180 from kod couple's dynamic #well granted they're in diff circumstances but still the personalities presented are very interesting #keeps me on the tip of my toes love these type of stories

[reinabeestudio]

you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh

#you ever get so annoyed that you draw ur irl self instead of your epic swag yass slay pretty sona #i didnt stop shaving for any statement btw it just drains me to do it & i havent been in the mood for months LMAO #i think i'm so used to the comfort of being surrounded by ppl presenting however they want and calling themselves whatever #sometimes i forget how. binary everything still is where i live #note that aint trans btw. i was afab & i dont fully identify as that currently but i have no problem being called a girl #and due to Health Reasons(tm) i get hairier than one would consider 'normal' for a woman (among other things) #(listen we all know gender is a nuanced spectrum but im not in the mood to talk about it in the tags of my own blog lol) #that + short + fat + voice breaks sometimes + mostly wears 'gender neutral' clothing. been mistaken for a prebuscent guy sometimes #(i say 'gender neutral' but its just regular ass baggy shirts and pants/jeans. 💥) #and if y'know me personally youre prolly reading this like 'what'. and yeah thats my reality sometimes LMAO #and im spanish so things are Extra gendered >8'D #i dont even bother explainin my gender to family its just not worth it so i take the she/her and move on #usually i dont talk about these irl things bc whatever but it's starting to irritate me lol #like. do i have to fuckin shave just to not be misgendered. fuckin christ dude #i need to get my yearly haircut btw. i dont like long hair on myself. its getting warm & it makes me sweat i hate it 🧍‍♂️

[lanshappycorner]

Sometimes I look outside my scope of mutuals and I'm like.....I'm glad I'm not them (whole essay in the tags)

#im going to ramble about a very touchy subject here but it pertains to 🐉♠️ which i am very open about shipping #apparently its Problematic or whatever 😭😭???? according to Some People #you know ive been thinking abt this for a while now but people really like spouting rhetoric abt how this or that is problematic without- #-really considering the specifics of why things are bad. things being bad are not the same as things possibly being uncomfortable #like people have an aversion to adult/minor ships or incest ships because these are real and tangible things that happen and are disgusting #i do feel like people have freedom over what they want to consume/create in fiction although those topics are an ick to me and i avoid it #but also you have to understand people dont like it primarily because of the realistic aspect of it and how it connects to reality #not a one to one but because reality already has these preexisting issues we naturally have an aversion to it #you cannot apply the same logic to like a dragon man x human ship because a dragon man is not going to scoop you from the sky #the ramifications of shipping an immortal and human are nonexistant and do not pertain to reality and cannot be judged on the same scale💀 #well beside from the logic 🐉 is old in body but his mind develops in the way a fae would. and he is described to be young in fae #so up until now i assumed the normal assumption was to say that he is around ~18 in fae yrs by how he interacts with others in his yr #🐉 is like old in the way where hes lived for a long time and understands the passage of time #but hes processed it through the lens of a young person hence why he can come off as immature despite how old he physically is💀 #like are we playing the same game?? if he was a well adjusted fully developed adult with a complete understanding of the world and stuff #like idk trein. none of the events in ch 7 would be happening. its kind of like a huge part of his character that despite his physical age #he IS still learning as he IS still young #i could go into a analysis of his character but thats for another time </33 #anyways i see people . primarily young people. telling their mutuals you can or cant ship this and that #and im like its okay to not like ships if you personally find it uncomfortable but to police ur friends...for ships that arent even 'bad' #its insane to me...how do u live like this? #people really need to start thinking about the nuances and why things are the way they are in regards to fiction #instead of buying into that weird pr*ship/ant*ship thing 😭 ive always hated it its so dumb. my university professors wouldve hated it #theres no nuance like...none. personally i also think its why people have low reading comprehension these days too tbh #life is about looking at various viewpoints and coming up with your own opinion #not 'picking a side'💀 learn to form your own opinions. talk to people around you about it. do not constrict your opinions to black/white #its an extremely dangerous mindset to have even outside of literature and it makes you very susceptible to dangerous ideas/propaganda #anyways what im getting at is learn to have educated discussions with others and come up with your own opinions instead of picking a side #btw there is no right/wrong side in literary discussions. there is no good/bad side either. whatever you come up w someone will disagree #thats why its important to just believe what YOU believe in (and not parrot others💀). and also be open to change

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

k i thiiiiink i'm gonna close my inbox for a Bit bc there is... so much in there... and more gets buried with each new ask & i Want to get to them all! but there are ninety-five (95!) asks in that box rn. and i know from experience that if i don't take care of it that number will build to ungodly levels, and then it'll get so overwhelming i won't be able to get myself to answer Any <3

#its just that i want to respond to Most with scribbles #and since it takes me so long to do anything #especially lately with... everything that's happening... my Motivation and Energy has been more drained than normal #and 'normal' is already at Low Levels! #but yeah and i just Want To Get To Everyone #there are some real good asks in there! #but then each new one is like Oh I Wanna Do That #YALL ARE GIVING ME TOO MANY TASTY RECIPES!!! #i cant bake 95 cakes at once!!!! #all of this said affectionately ofc #i never imagined my lil art blog's inbox would ever reach double digits #let alone nearing triples! #i just need to take things a bit slower than usual. implement some personal moderation yk yk #absolutely unprompted #do i know when the box will reopen? nope! #in all honesty it might be a couple months... idk idk. idk! #my life is very uncertain and stressful and will be for At least until november #mid-november probably. late november. perhaps even early december... #depends on how quickly i get settled in my New living situation or how fast i empty the inbox #cause im moving late october... i just dont know! #everything is kinda falling apart! but its fine its fine . i will work on asks and art #*will graham voice* this is my escape #there are several that im excited to get around to! #mainly a couple'a Lights Out ones but there are Others as well... #if you were planning on sending an ask. uh. sorry! #im grabbing your tongue and shoving it back in your face. hush. #edit: AND i wanna respond to some replies cause those get sooo neglected #its like my brain says 'you can either respond to replies or asks. not both. die' #and i have to be all 'thanks cool thats totally reasonable! perish'

[dirt-str1der]

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu

#Yakuza loveblog #i dont talk about nishikiyama enough because im kazamapilled and hate him a little bit but im also kiryupilled and love him so much so you #see my problem? like i adore when nishiki is just. better in every way than kiryu and nobody ever sees that because theyre all too busy #sucking kiryus cock like okay nishiki had the rest of his life planned out when he was twenty and he was an extremely successful criminal #and getting himself noticed in many many circles then kiryu steps outside and gets into a street fight immediately and the entire tojo clan #surrounds him to throw cash at him like nishiki was actually doing so well for himself before his life was ruined. nothing is his fault #like i love just accepting that nishiki has one hell of a substance abuse problem and nobody cares enough about him to talk to him about it #and kiryu thinks its normal because hes the only one who can see that nishikis doing some great work out there so he must be doing #everything right. inconceivable that nishiki has any sort of ‘problem’ hes the real screwup and kiryu knows he makes life harder for himself #but he refuses to change because hes convinced that thats the only thing hes good at. like i believe that nishiki has a coke snorting #mechanic in game like harry db and without his coke buff he cant do as much damage like with it his output is on par with kiryus whos just #been blessed since birth by the violence gods. anyway kiryu is the only person in the world who thinks that nishiki is great do you get it #nishiki has lived his entire life in kiryus shadow and he doesnt care that kiryu has a natural charisma that he will never have. he has to #get out there every single day networking and socialising and hustling and nonstop landing interviews with cool magazines to get his name #out in the world while kazama takes kiryu out and drags him by the elbow to meet people like this is my son kiryu who has every disease and #everyone claps and cheers like i cannot stress enough how on top of the game nishiki is compared to kiryu. he has a car. kiryu doesnt even #have his own lighter. they are not on the same playing field and yet nishikis always trailing behind him because opportunity is always #knocking at kiryus doorstep whether he likes it or not and nishiki gets fed scraps and nothing else and hes the one with ambition he wants #the view on top and most importantly he wanted his brother there with him but nobody ... likes him ... nobody likes nishiki nobodys in his #corner he onky had kiryu and when he lost him it was quite literally him against the world. it always made me laugh how at the end of yk1 #harukas paying her respects at nishikis grave when the only time he ever cared about her was because he wanted her little pendant and he #(actually fucked how alone nishiki was he didnt even have his own fucking men to rely on he was basically working alone with someone he knew #was using him like ??? he was fucking desperate) anyway i really love to think that kiryu being nishikis only friend and the last person in #the world who thought kindly of him (barring like ... kashiwagi) was grieving terribly over his death and haruka being a sensitive and #sweet little girl took the initiative to ask about nishiki and i think kiryu would tell her stories every night of the kind of stuff he and #nishikiyama would get up to when they were her age. he would tell her how amazing nishiki was and how he always looked out for him how he #took care of his sister and how he would always be the one to remind them of impending birthdays and the like. nishiki cared about the #little things .. and he made kiryu want to care about them too but theres just something different between them because nishikis always #been a better person than him .. and he would tell haruka in a voice that sounded like he was begging her to understand that nishiki wasnt a #bad person.. though he did bad things he was a good man and he still wishes with all his heart that he could have done more to save him ...

[niishi]

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

#im so glad i learned i had autism #bc...... other ppl control so much of our existence #thinking im a bad person my whole life when in actuality #i was always rejected for my sense of justice #and only accepted if i mirrored triggering behaviors #if i was doing what everyone else was doing it was fine #but if i spoke on my sense of justice i would get rejected #so id try to mirror and it always felt bad #like really bad #i was telling my mom yesterday that #her my dad brother and sister have all done things that #would keep me up at night sick with guilt for the rest of my life #and how i cant fathom how they can live their day to day lives without being burdened with extreme guilt #and she said she just doesnt think about that stuff #i feel guilty for a girl i was mean to once in 2nd grade still to this day #i know every instance in which i hurt someones feelings without a reason and i feel guilt about all of it still #it hurts me so much that id rather fight with ppl who think that behavior is okay #rather than mirror it #but i would mirror stuff sometimes bc it's like “will this make me normal?” and the answer was no #it just made me copy behaviors of bad people who dont have remorse #and that had huge negative effects on me #im glad to know that im not an evil person