#listen I’m not even clowning on the podcasts

[readbyred]

You're writing for the new TD? That's fun! I cannot wait to see more of it 🫶 Would it be possible for if you wrote about contestants that have no dating experience and ask their fellow contestants for flirting advice and strategy? I think this would be especially fun with contestants like Zee, Priya and so on! Thank you if you're writing this! 👐

I already like you anon, that’s a good req. I’ll do a part two if u want, with all contestants even. But for now I have only a few cause some just fit the prompt more/I have an idea for them. So those will b: priya, zee, axel, scary girl, ripper, chase. If you think I have a fav team - you’re totally right haha

Also I hope I understood correctly. If not I can redo it. Like, the character is into sbd (reader) and they ask their friend for advice, yeah?

-> Priya

We all know that her whole thing is being prepared, setting goals and reaching them. Whether it’s Total Drama or med school, she has it all figured out. But there was never any camp or class on having a crush. That’s why, when she realises that she has one, she goes to Millie for help. She has a way of looking at having one as if it’s a task she needs to accomplish, a challenge to win. Needless to say - it didn’t do much. Her crush might not even know she likes them at that point. So to stop herself from making things worse, she confided in her best friend. Millie, as a fan of traditional values above all, thinks that being kind and honest about her feelings is the way. To help Priya overcome her nerves, she proposes that she should get used to her crush by being around them in a group setting. Also, as she states, chivalry can do wonders. After a few days Priya did get more comfortable around her crush, even if only a little. Any time they need help - she’s there! Even if it’s just opening doors. As they get more comfortable with each other, she’ll even propose training them. After all, Millie said that the power of true classical romance can conquer all

-> Zee

As much of an easy going guy as Zee is, he does get a tiny bit worked up about his crush. There never was much of a desire to get into a relationship. Although he is a private person, he does mention some of his feelings to Chase and Ripper. Ah, my sweet summer child. That poor guy had no idea. As soon as they hear him mention having a crush, their eyes light up and they have him sit down, so that they can tell him EXACTLY what to do. They swarm him with incoherent advice, talking one over the other. They see this as their way to show off their incredible game. Of which they have arguably none. They make a ‘game plan’ for Zee, but half of it goes over his head. The other half of information still deals massive damage though. So every time he talks with his crush he pulls those weird moves that do nothing but confuse both parties. He mixes up the pick-up lines, makes multiple failed attempts at the yawn-thing and doesn’t even really get how those things are supposed to improve anything. Imo he’s too chill to really go all out and try to win sbd over in any dramatic way. And acting like somebody different is against his own beliefs. So he only ever listens to their advice if he thinks that it will make his crush happy. That’s for the best to be honest because Chase would be projecting his feelings for Emma and living through Zee’s situation. And I can see Ripper totally quoting some date coach he watches, like, build your crush up and then destroy them to show them who’s boss, don’t smile at women to make them think they have to work for it, compare them to other people. Thankfully it doesn’t work bc it’s Zee we’re talking abt, he wouldn’t. So, good on him. And his crush.

-> Axel

My girl definitely takes her time to realise she might need help. At first she would be trying to impress her crush with her survival skills. But showing up with wild animals half cooked on a stick or leaving trinkets at their shoes might not be the best idea to get her point across. This girl’s like a cat fr! I feel like she would maybe ask Nichelle since she always seems so confident and Axel is one of the only contestants that isn’t intimidated by her fame. Asking her might sound like a good idea, but uhm,, it’s very hit or miss. She doesn’t actually have much dating experience and just like with being athletic - she’s better at talking than at doing. But if anyone can advise Axel how to approach people- it’s her. The key to get to know her crush. She advises Axel to approach it like a task, like learning a new role. Observe, maybe ask their friends or them is she’s not sure about something. Ask them questions about themselves too. It’s not too romantic but it works.

-> Lauren

I’m not sure how badly the things would have to get for her to ask anybody for help. Her methods are… uncanny to say the least. She’s not above tormenting her crush for the hell of it. Actually, it might be her favourite thing to do. But it doesn’t get her far. That’s where Priya comes in. Since they became friends she would feel a bit more comfortable asking Lauren about the whole… situation. She’d be glad to help (despite having very little experience herself) but I can’t imagine Scary girl jumping on the chance. After some time she would give in though, if her crush gets too scared of her. Priya would try to get Lauren to open up more and it’s probably terrifying for all parties involved. But in the end she does convince her eerie friend to at least try to hint to the person that she’s interested in them romantically and will NOT hunt them down for sport (most likely). It’s Scary Girl we’re talking about so it’s about as romantic as it gets

-> Ripper

Just like he said, he has tons of experience and kissed a lot of girls. He’s just… unused to caring about one person. Yeah! Bc, yk, usually he keeps a rotation of hot chicks. No need to get all worked up over one girl that he could very easily have. Still, he does ask Chase for advice. Because he’s a bro and because he’s more so the type to get with someone long term. So, perhaps if his crush proves to be worth it, he might need help with starting his first serious relationship. Ripper’s idea of getting his crush to like him back is to get rich and/or famous. Then they will find him hot. If he’ll have money then he’ll be attractive and cool. Right? Well, Chase does entertain the idea but also tries to get his bro to rizz his crush a little earlier than after they all leave the show. It’s not like he has to ask him long, Ripper has a collection of lines straight from his favourite alphalpha pick up artist podcast and is ready to use them. Chase mostly just hypes him up. But also advises him against things like, yk, farting or talking about human waste (which should be a given but isn’t). Though Ripper is on the fence about it I can see him listening to the advice depending on how his crush reacts to those things. Also Chase tries to be his wingman. Which completely blows his cover, if his crush didn’t know Ripper liked them before - they sure will after Chase gets involved

-> Chase

Now, Chase has definitely been in a relationship. But realistically speaking it could have been his first and only one. And though he’s great, objectively his crush might not jump on the chance to be with him. Like, he’s not rly, yk, emotionally mature. Also, like, he did pee himself/right on the sidewalk on a date bc he couldn’t hold it and that seemed like the best option. Would sell his crush for pizza too. But! He is persistent. And strangely charming in his own failboy way. Still, if puppy dog eyes and following his crush around doesn’t work then he will ask his bros. It will either go great or very very badly. Because Zee could genuinely have some decent advice. And it’s not that Ripper can’t get good ideas. But I feel like he would get really focused on proving his experience with girls and not on actually helping. All in all at least Chase isn’t shy about his feelings, because the flirting advice he is given varies in quality. But at least his crush will know how he feels ig

#listen I’m not even clowning on the podcasts #I listen to some on yt myself even if I can’t really say I need all advice #like yk for dating bc it’s rly gendered #I’m more so expanding on the satire that is his character like ik he’s a parody of the type of guys that often even the hosts of these shows #disagree with #x reader #fanfic #imagine #x y/n #total drama x reader #tdi x reader #td x reader #Priya x reader #axel x reader #zee x reader #scary girl x reader #chase x reader #ripper x reader

[rosesradio]

i know we were all disappointed by vol 2 when it comes to our fan theories and things about will being vecna’d and stuff…but you gotta admit, dragging all that main character will potential into s5 and spending more time on it than we would’ve gotten in vol 2…i just hope the payoff is worth it 👀

#putting on my clown shoes and hoping the duffers can write 🤡 #also i'm sorry i’m listening to this podcast they were on and it sounds so vague (ik it’s to avoid spoilers) #but it sounds like they don’t even know what’s happening in their own show 😭 #we’ll have to see #stranger things #will byers #not tkk

[chemicallywrit]

Audio Drama Sunday!!!

Again this is far from comprehensive because I am a feral podcast monster, but here’s what stuck out to me this week! Mostly spoiler-free, unless you count vibes as spoilers!

🗡️ Cry Havoc! Ask Questions Later managed to have a happy? Ending? Honestly the way it managed to be a hilarious historical sitcom with an ending that chilling was MASTERFUL. Great job writers, y’all are fantastic. It is obviously not absolutely true to what we know about Roman history, but it is true to the spirit of it in a way that’s really satisfying for me personally.

🦀 @thesiltverses oh MAN. The way this story says again and again that you cannot earn your way out of being trampled by a system that doesn’t care about you hits every. Single. Time. And what are you going to do, try to remake that system? There are always going to be people who can’t handle that and fight against you, to their own detriment. This story is fantastical and exaggerated, but it’s always so real at the same time.

👁️ @hellofromthehallowoods is trying to kill me, straight up. I have no idea what Halloween will bring for this show and i’m dying. It’s very difficult to predict storylines on Hallowoods and that’s something I love about it. Will this pair break up? Will this pair die for their cause? Will this pair find each other again, even through death? Shoutout to the great guests this episode, I always enjoy seeing who Mx Wellman invites into the world.

🔎 @knovesstorytelling okay look, y’all, I have never read Northanger Abbey, so I don’t know why Kit’s being told to pack her bags and get out, and I am so UPSET. What’s going on????

📉 Within the Wires is back!! And my WORD, the juxtaposition of this season being motivational tapes while listening to the current season of The Dream about life coaches?? I am transfixed and horrified, let’s GO.

🎟️ @longcatmedia Mockery Manor. I love these clowns so much. I love that Bette is really smart and really dumb at the same time. Everyone’s acting is top notch, but I’m especially a fan of Karim Kronfli in this show. Everyone knows he’s got the range, but it’s so fun listening to him be this fussy little guy.

👻 One of the shows I’ve been catching up on is Ghosts in the Burbs, a deceptively spooky and delightfully witty single-narrator ghost show. I’m listening through the Lilith arc and….woof. WOOF. I know how it ends and it’s still terrifying.

🩸 IT’S HEMOPHOBIA DAY, omg, everyone please check out Hemophobia, I am so excited for Hemophobia. It’s sitting in my queue staring at me with that creepy-ass logo art. I’ve talked with CSW about this show and heard the trailer—religious trauma horror with amazing sound design and an amazing cast??? You kidding???? I am drooling over here. Join me, won’t you?

🧟‍♀️ This week is also the premier of The Dead! As soon as that feed appears I’ll be putting it everywhere, and I’m so excited to show everyone the first series. You’ve heard of snakes on a plane….

💐 On my end, as Re: Dracula continues its march to the finale, this week I find myself recording Inn Between and The Dead. I am still trying to make rent ahead of my new job’s first paycheck, so if you liked this post or the other things I do, would you consider sending me a ko-fi?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I will be listening to Hemophobia very quietly and very scared by myself in the dark. Until next week!

#audio drama sunday #audio drama #audio fiction #fiction podcast #freaking podcasts

[c0l0re]

Hello, Jon. Apologies for the deception, but I wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself.

I’m assuming you’re alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. (slightly strained) I wouldn’t try too hard to stop reading; there’s every likelihood you’ll just hurt yourself. So just listen.

Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

I am at least 90% sure I know who this is and I have only one thing to say in response:

Jurgen Leitner?

Stupid idiot motherfucking Jurgen Leitner goddamn fool shithead idiot avatar of the whore biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town cowboy motherfucking Jurgen Leitner

Stop pinning me when I talk about Jurgen Leitner I hate him so much why does he have so many fucked up books just set them loose is he dead is he a bastard

Man has such a visceral effect of me not even in the room never seen the man's face and I know he has the world's shittiest beard get away from me

If I wanted to get into heaven and god said Jurgen Leitner's waiting inside I'd piss on god's feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

If I have to deal with Jurgen Leitner speaking one one in person on voice in podcast not only will I close the tab I will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all of the times where he is mentioned or alive

I don't even know why I hate him so much he just collects books but I am mad because I am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory because if he's just some rich shithead who's a fan of creepypasta and wanted an irl version I'll go ham

better have a book that can kill a man because if he doesn't I'm gonna make him

paypal.com/ifuckinghatejurgenleitner

crusty old man

I will punch Leitner and his sad frail old man twig bones will simple flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all that's left is one final book he kept on him as all times simple titled "now you've fucked up" in ancient Yiddish

I am not breathing I am hyperventilating at this point

I hope there is a date given for when Jurgen Leitner died or will die so I can make it a reminder on my phone and every day once a year I will see it and to anything but pay respects to man who owned so many fucked up if true books

:)

#colore asks #deranged queer crew #the fuck elias crew #< i am so certain its one of you fuckers /aff #also let it be known that i wrote that entire thing from memory. this isnt even the first time ive done it #stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

[artifactseeker-myr99]

Okay so I’m back on my bullshit I’m not done talking about Cellar Letters

I did mention how I found the podcast through “Nine to Midnight” in the first place

And I can not put into words the sheer glee and how huge my grin was that Harlan Guthrie is voicing a police officer, I was actually considering to pause, go back to Malevolent, and reference whether he used the same/ similar “officer voice”

I’m weird, I know

Anyway, love it

And the shenanigans of Nate confessing and the officer going “let me just find a place to turn this car around” I almost fell off my stool laughing

And. AND. Reason I’m typing this post now

Type officer’s first name is John

I’m… snort-laughing, yup

No but seriously, even without these details Cellar Letters is an awesome podcast and despite the difficulties understanding season 1 I’m so so glad I stayed

I haven’t the foggiest what the fuck is currently going on, like, why things are happening to Nate

But things are indeed very much happening and I’m along for the ride!

Y’all I did the excited autistic clapping thingy when Officer John said he’s going to help Nate researching and looking into stuff, I had hoped the officer would stay a side character and not just a random one-off

I’m happy I ditched my Storage Papers re-listen (aka catching up again) to give Cellar Letters a shot, although yes I did clown on the concept similarity

I also need to catch up with Amelia Project and WTSF, and Juno’verse

#the cellar letters #cellar letters podcast #cellar letters #malevolent podcast #mentions anyway

[tybaltsjuliet]

1, 3, 19

01. the character everyone gets wrong

sandy from grease and i will die on this hill. “oh, sandy changed herself for a man-” and danny was trying to change himself for a woman, but people only remember sandy doing it because of the leather pants!

what i think people tend to ignore, or miss, is that by the point of the “sandra dee” reprise, sandy is not happy. like, even if you are willing to accept that sandy *was* happy as the good girl, once - and i fully am willing to accept that; i do not think a fondness for cheerleading and pastels speaks to a void in her soul - by that time, she is not! and it is not just because of danny being kind of a dick to her. there’s a *reason* sandy’s change starts with a reprise of rizzo’s song that was mocking her, and it is because pretty much everyone, bar frenchy, is a dick to her. (i feel like this is a little less apparent in the movie, but in the original production, the t-birds are right there cackling along with rizzo during “look at me, i’m sandra dee,” and even patty simcox gets catty about sandy behind her back!)

so, by this point, sandy is alienated, and lonely, and an object of mockery, and she wants things to be *different*. here’s another point that got home better onstage than in the movie, in my opinion - because, originally, the “sandra dee” reprise comes RIGHT ON THE HEELS of “there are worse things i can do” - and rizzo sings that song, not alone after sandy walks off, but directly *to* sandy. just before the song, rizzo snaps at her, “now wait just a minute, miss goody-goody! who do you think you are? handing me all this sympathy trash! since you know all the answers, how come i didn’t see zuko here tonight?” and all this after sandy has done nothing but show riz a little kindness and sympathy over her situation, and try to remind her that she does not have to go through it alone.

being a good girl, a nice girl, has gotten sandy nothing and nowhere, with anyone, for the whole two hours’ traffic of our stage. who can really blame her for wanting to change?

now, obviously, this is all pretty watsonian, and sandy is one of those characters where there’s tons of great discussion to be had about the ways misogyny *does* influence the way her story is presented. but there are a lot of other interesting things to unpack in her, too, and it frustrates me that everyone just stops at the most obvious part.

03. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

gods, just one?! mentally rifling through the disney princess takes alone has already exhausted me. that said, i might have to hand it to one of the particularly devoted ambassadors of this website’s jedi defense squad, who insisted that the jedi were A Beautiful Culture requiring no reform whatsoever, and A Wonderful Found Family to the children they brought up, and Committed No Mistakes.

like, come on, now. even if i leave all my personal religious baggage at the door, there are nine movies and a massive extended universe because THE JEDI FREQUENTLY COMMIT MISTAKES. anakin skywalker was not an inherently rancid nine-year-old; he was a case study among many on why the jedi needed fixing!

19. you’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

i’m kind of mad that i still like frozen as much as i do. it wounds my pride in otherwise being the haughty and pretentious flavor of disney adult.

i’m not mad that i am properly getting into ASOIAF, because i am loving these books. i *am* mad that the only reason i first put on my clown shoes and walked all the way to westeros in them is because rhys ifans hot. it’s almost as embarrassing as the number of times i’ve watched anonymous.

but the really embarrassing skeleton in my closet is that i have written more pages of HP drawerfic since i started listening to the shrieking shack podcast than i wrote any fic for it at the height of the fandom way back in ye olde FFN/livejournal days. and that’s terrible.

#;answer games.

[arcticdementor]

To fully grasp the current situation in San Francisco, where venture capitalists are trying to take control of City Hall, you must listen to Balaji Srinivasan. Before you do, steel yourself for what’s to come: A normal person could easily mistake his rambling train wrecks of thought for a crackpot’s ravings, but influential Silicon Valley billionaires regard him as a genius.

…

“What I’m really calling for is something like tech Zionism,” he said, after comparing his movement to those started by the biblical Abraham, Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith (founder of Mormonism), Theodor Herzl (“spiritual father” of the state of Israel), and Lee Kuan Yew (former authoritarian ruler of Singapore). Balaji then revealed his shocking ideas for a tech-governed city where citizens loyal to tech companies would form a new political tribe clad in gray t-shirts. “And if you see another Gray on the street … you do the nod,” he said, during a four-hour talk on the Moment of Zen podcast. “You’re a fellow Gray.”

…

“A huge win would be a Gray Pride parade with 50,000 Grays,” said Srinivasan. “That would start to say: ‘Whose streets? Our streets!’ You have the A.I. Flying Spaghetti Monster. You have the Bitcoin parade. You have the drones flying overhead in formation.... You have bubbling genetic experiments on beakers.… You have the police at the Gray Pride parade. They’re flying the Anduril drones …”

…

Those who try to downplay Balaji’s importance in Silicon Valley often portray him as a “clown.” But Donald Trump taught us that clowns can be dangerous, especially those with proximity to influence and power. In the nearly 11 years since his secession speech at Y Combinator, Balaji’s politics have become even more stridently authoritarian and extremist, yet he remains a celebrated figure in key circles. 

…

Increasingly, Tan has also pursued another key Network State goal: attacking journalists. Balaji portrays the press, especially The New York Times, as the chief enemy of the Network State ideology.  He accuses the venerable paper of upholding something called “Woke Capital.”

…

“So long as you aren’t running a corporation based on hereditary nepotism where the current guy running the show inherits the company from his father’s father’s father’s father, you’re more diverse and democratic than the owners of The New York Times Company. You don’t need to take lectures from them, from anyone in their employ, or really from anyone in their social circle—which includes all establishment journalists.”

…

“Do not hire PR,” tweeted Balaji on April 4, days after Tan’s P.R.-wrangled Times profile. “They want to ‘train’ you to talk to journos. But journos hate you! So this is an obsolete model. Instead, just hire influencers. Build your own channel. And go direct.”

#gil duran #new republic #balaji srinivasan #garry tan #san francisco

[iamsuperbi]

i’m extremely late to this but ah well, here’s my take on all the counselors 1/9

My “The Quarry” HCs (1/9)

Ryan Erzahler

- He/him pronouns but he doesn’t mind it/its.

- He is bisexual, on the aromantic spectrum.

- He has autism.

- Basically raised his little sister Sarah on his own before his grandparents took them in.

- Always assumes the worst out of people until they prove they won’t hurt him, but even then he’s still suspicious.

- He loves listening to Dylan’s music even though it’s not his taste because it makes Dylan happy

- Post-canon, he only follows Kaitlyn, Laura, Abi and Dylan on social media. It’s not until Kaitlyn forces him that he follows the others.

- Growing up his mom was absent and not great when she was there, so he’s always had a small fear of women.

- Absolutely terrified of clowns, will actually shit himself if he sees one.

- Doesn’t get crushes easily and always assumes he just finds them aesthetically attractive.

- Unironically listens to and enjoys Weezer. It is his deepest darkest secret. Not even Sarah knows.

- Chris taught him everything he knows about sailing.

- He loves to do digital art - he and Abi bond over it.

- He had been going to Hackett’s Quarry Summer Camp since he was a kid, and was practically raised there.

- Dylan always gives him whatever interesting or pretty rock he finds at the lake, and Ryan always pretends to not care. As soon as he gets to his cabin he puts it into his bag for safekeeping.

- Secretly the funniest guy on Earth but his humor is so dry no one can tell he’s joking.

- Has a tongue piercing, and different cute charms for it that Sarah asked him to get.

- Used to have earrings but forgot to put them back in one day and just never did again.

- Post-canon, he dives into self-defense classes and gun training.

- He hates Jacob lowkey but won’t tell anyone out loud. But he always rolls his eyes whenever he hears Jacob’s voice.

- Wants to start his own podcast but is worried people will find him boring. Finally does it when Dylan and Kaitlyn offer to do it with him.

- Sends really obscure, random shit in the middle of the night to the group chat. It freaks everyone else tf out. Except Laura. She sends the same shit.

- His chat name is ‘resident cryptid’ after Emma called him that once. It’s a badge of honor for him.

- He feels immense guilt over Dylan’s hand, and finds it hard to look at him when he doesn’t have his prosthetic on. This makes him feel even more guilty.

- He’s insecure about his voice because some people like to make fun of how slow he talks. He only feels like he can really speak when he’s around the others.

- Deserves all the hugs. A nice nap maybe. Not a headcanon but still true.

#the quarry #ryan erzahler #ryan the quarry #radioheads #the quarry rylan #the quarry headcanons

[fraznik]

Okay I’ve had this account for a lil bit now and I wanted to just kinda introduce myself now that I have some mutual followers just in case anyone ever wanted to know general stuff about me!

I’m getting kinda old so I’m just gonna put it in bullet format, lol

Name: Fraznik, Kaleigh

Age: 24

Pronouns: she/her

- married to a man 😔 but, previously only into women and still a strong ally, this is a safe space for LGBT+ friends 🩵

- digital, multimedia, and plush artist(the plush are still bad but I am working on improving my skills!) I also do tattoos but only on myself 😂

- storage facility manager(unfortunately I am forced to be a slave to the capitalist hell of the US to pay bills but I hope n pray that eventually I’ll be able to just be a regular starving artist)

- Jesus freak but in the way that we’re supposed to be, I just do my best to show love and kindness to others. THIS IS A RELIGIOUS SAFE SPACE. It’s one thing to discuss differing beliefs and to respectfully disagree, but I will NOT try to make converts of anyone or be hateful towards others for their beliefs and I will absolutely NOT tolerate people doing so on my posts, regardless of the religion. Period. 🩵

- diagnosed autistic at 19 and working on figuring out whether I also have ADHD, or if I just have something else going on in my noggin(after being misdiagnosed with bipolar ii so like who rlly knows). Also have been dealing w/ chronic fibromyalgia for several years, oftentimes debilitating. This is a safe space for neurodivergent friends as well as friends with other disabilities- ableism in any form will not be tolerated on my posts. UPDATE AS OF 11/13: I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia on Nov 10, so a new thing :’))

- biggest dreams: #1, to have a little plot of land and have a homestead where I can grow food and maybe have some livestock and just try to be as self-sustaining as possible! #2, to be able to make a living from sharing my art, plush, and maybe one day(if I’m brave enough LOL) tattoos!

- LOOOOVE The Chosen from Angel Studios. So so so good even if you’re not religious or a Christian. It’s cinematically beautiful and the music score is PHENOMENAL. 🤩

- clown lover

- still obsessed with MCR in 2023

- fave movie of all time is Scream (1996), I can, do, and WILL talk about how it changed the horror genre AT LENGTH if anyone ever asks and YES it’s a hyperfixation and YES I’ve been obsessed since I was way too young.

- loves true crime podcasts (Morbid and Rotten Mango especially)

- always listening to the Midnight Sun audiobook and not even embarrassed about it. Only “Chapter 10: Theory” can put me to sleep at night 😔

Also last but absolutely not least, because it’s current events and I want my stance known, I am PRO PALESTINE. I just try to educate myself & do my own research, and share resources and good information where I can.

That’s basically it I hope u all have a lovely day 🩵

#just like some general info #intro post #scream 1996 #midnight sun #autistic adult #late diagnosed autistic #autistic woman #fibromyalgia #jesus freak #jesussaves #digital artist #neurodivergent #disabled #safe space #tattoo artist #multimedia #multi medium artist #mcr #my chemical romance #small artist #artist #twihard #twilight sewerposting #twilight #team edward #true crime #plush artist #the chosen #rotten mango

[msommers]

I would love more Maeve + Superstore thoughts, her friendship with Jonah sounds amazing

(i forgot about this in my drafts for too many days bc i’m a huge dummy don’t look at me here we go slamming post lmfao) oh boy, the tags were a 30 second long goof experiment but i'm always prepared to extend that for any scenario. let's make up some absolute nonsense for the lulz and cuteness.

literally do not ask me why posh brit accent maeve is working at a store in missouri because i don't have time for it and that's not part of the "everything here is for fun" theme.

one of her running gags is that she’s always talking about concepts for stories and tropes that she wants to explore/deconstruct, but anytime she’s asked about progress she’ll have some wild explanation for why she didn’t get very far into writing. there have been at least two rr martin comments made about how long it’s taken her to finish her first book. jonah, amy, sandra and cheyenne have all read some of her short stories/misc chapters of the first book because they’re here favorites full stop. final two seasons are for sure the “oh [bleep], maeve published her book and it’s really taking off” arc for her.

cheyenne is the little sister that she never had, they have matching nails and accessories all the time. maeve often does her hair for her because it’s fun to them and gives them chat time.

she did sandra’s hair and make-up for her wedding 🥰

was genuinely intimidated and putoff by dina for a good while but i cannot be talked out of believing that they wouldn’t have a c-plot in a later season episode of maeve making dina look as hot as can be and trying to teach her how to flirt without being so blunt. is she successful with that last bit?? not really, but she gets to dress dina up and also receive some good advice on not taking people’s shit along the way so that’s fantastic (garrett’s dying in the background and that’s all part of the plan tbh)

obligatory b-plot of maeve having to explain bisexuality and polamory to the breakroom clowns because most of them can’t understand her love life. probably came about as a result of another running gag where maeve talks about one of her dates and it doesn’t add up with her former comments much to the confusion of her coworkers, and then she has to whip out the lecture because she gets accused of straight up lying or fooling around on her partner.

once accidentally made people think she and amy were going on a date because she told justine they were "going out for dinner tonight" and it started an entire Discussion behind their backs (she does, in fact, put out the offer to amy before leaving work. gotta shoot that shot, maybe amy’s feeling a little curious that night who knows a girl can dream)

she and jonah instantly connected and became great friends. they share a specific optimistic outlook in the way that they can see the world for what it could be instead of what it currently is and it’s something that brought them together, then kept them close even through the rough times. she loves his commitment and dedication to any cause that he undertakes, his efforts are inspiring and keep her going whenever her own start to waver. she is absolutely obsessed with how he consistently finds a way to put his foot in his mouth during any conversation, the yin to her yang as maeve’s known for being able to spin a web as quickly and for as long as necessary. their shared need to be validated and praised goes a long way between them because they’re annoyingly nice to each other all the time. they’re those two at the breakroom table talking animatedly about their latest interest or topic they picked up from a podcast/news article/reddit post (toxic masculinity, current politics, feminism, some obscure piece of history or a cryptid of the week, etc). he’s endlessly patient with her and she’s beyond thankful for it. flipside is that she unironically loves listening to him go off on his Woke Rants and gets bullied about it but doesn’t care, she’s there for him through the relationship struggles and does her best to give advice while not stepping over the line (might toe it once or twice but. what can you do, she’s a drama lover). she might have been late because beauty routines but she was also there each step of the way for the union work, besties get it done. maeve sweet talks them and then jonah goes on a righteous rant it’s a win/win.

i think it’s entirely possible she and jonah dated because of how well they get along, but i don’t see it lasting a crazy long time. maybe two, three months at the most (perhaps it’s mostly bc i’m an amy/jonah hoe and they belong together forever but whatever, don’t perceive me). a scenario where they’d both decide it’s better they stay friends and they get away with it without much weirdness, aka maeve’s fine and jonah or the coworkers makes it awkward sometimes before it settles. i do in fact think he’d be the first love interest of maeve’s that i can see her using “baby” as the primary petname because like,,,it’s jonah. you get it. if they dated, she has a photo taken of them from one of their dates taped up in her breakroom locker and it stays up there until she leaves the job bc she adores it so much.

insert bit where maeve makes a threesome joke with her + jonah and amy, and there’s a pause Just long enough with everyone looking between each other that it appears genuine consideration is there but the camera cuts before anything else is said. the world may never know what happened after that

everyone keeps trying to make drama between her and amy because they’re both close to jonah, but i fully believe maeve would adore and respect her far too much to reach any level of rivalry. she’d be in awe of how strong of a woman amy is between raising her children and working her ass off so successfully, and i imagine a lot of their bonding would be maeve persuading her into taking time for herself or them having girls’ nights (whether by themselves or with some of the others).

put the tabby obligated “they have two hands” joke here about maeve/amy/jonah. i haven’t put any thought into if it’d work out or if the other two could be into that sort of relationship but i’m legally and morally obligated to bring it up on the principle that it’s My Thing.

#ch: maeve sommers #i don't know what else to tag this as so i simply won't #days later tabby here: i have vague memories of writing these things super late at night so that's prolly why it was forgotten #between that and dnd the day after lol #a whole load of rambles and y'know what that's tabby all over so i'm leaving it like this #we're not here for neatly organized or fancily worded thoughts #thank you for the ask!!! it was so fun n cute

[arttheclown]

so i’ve been listening to the RE/SPAWN podcast again (which i recommend to anyone who likes spawn or has any interest in getting into it; the hosts go over the series in 5-issue bundles, summarize them & offer their analysis) & i think i finally figured out one of the many reasons i struggled with the series from issue 88 to... maybe about 185? (everything after issue 100 & the 1000 clowns arc is a blur for me tbh)

i understand from a character development standpoint that they couldn’t keep al stagnant & he’d already gone through a lot of repetitive storylines by that point (resenting terry for “stealing” wanda, wanting revenge on wynn, arguing with cog, problems with his homeless friends, etc). i also understand spawn is a horror comic & there are going to be dark themes - that’s why i started reading it in the first place, besides my interest in violator. but i think the reason the horror aspects worked better earlier on versus this time period was because A) early al still had human responses to things, therefore making him a protagonist we can identify with & root for and B) he had a likeable supporting cast backing him up who gave their own thoughts & reactions to the weird, sometimes downright awful shit going on.

so when you suddenly write out that entire supporting cast, strip your main character of his humanity and endearing qualities & and then dive deep into gruesome horror / torture porn territory... it doesn’t really land, especially when spawn is suddenly transformed into an anthology series where al is the only character left to latch onto & we can no longer relate to him (outside of his resentment for truly heinous individuals, of course).

that type of horror might appeal to some people - i understand this. additionally, i’ve seen people who prefer to interpret al as a cold, brutal avenger who says little & communicates mostly through action. but i’m not one of them for a myriad of reasons & if you read spawn from the beginning like i did, the tonal shift is very jarring and even off-putting.

kudos to derek & colby (RE/SPAWN’s hosts) for helping me articulate my thoughts into words because that particular era of spawn was so difficult for me to get through and i KNEW i didn’t like it but needed help pinpointing Why beyond “this writing is bad”

#spawn #sid speaks #spawnposting #im going to put this in the main tag for once actually #bc fuck it i want to share my thoughts to whatever small fandom might read them

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

8/1/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Isaiah 64 - 66

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm China. Today is the very first day of August, welcome. So great to be here with you today. Wow, we are in the 8th month of the season here. So exciting, so wild. I hope it slows down and we can just enjoy it because I feel like I'm going to say it. I feel like we're going to blink and it's going to be the holidays and I feel like it was just the holidays, but yeah, maybe we don't talk about we just enjoy one day after the next and just be present in what's in front of us. We don't have to feel the feelings of, oh, my goodness, it's almost or it's already or it's only or whatever. You can just accept it for what it is. All right, good. Weird. Today we are continuing the book of Isaiah. We are in chapter 64 - 66 this week we are in the New International Version.

Commentary

I love that the Lord uses the analogy of him comforting his people the way that a mother comforts her child. And that just really spoke to me because the way that I comfort Reagan, the way that I feel about my daughter, I'm like, man, if this is only a sliver of how the Lord feels about us, wow, that is overwhelming to think about. That is overwhelming to even try to describe what that would be like. And again, like we had talked about yesterday, I'm okay with sitting in the unknown of what that fully means, but the sliver that I do comprehend, it's vast and it's deep and it is all consuming and covering and it just reminds me, okay, if I have this much capacity for my daughter and this much love and grace and care for her, like, mine has limits. Like there's times where I'm like, I need a minute, I need a break. Nap time, please come right now. Bedtime. Please come 30 minutes ago. But the Lord doesn't have that towards us. He doesn't have this. Wait until you go to bed so you're not talking to me anymore or wait till you go to work and you don't talk to me for 6 hours. He doesn't have any of that. It's more of like, hey, I would love for you to invite me into this. I think that's what he says. I think it's more of turn towards me. I would love to talk about this together. Come to me. I would love to give you my perspective on what you're seeing here. I'd love to give you my eyes. And I don't know, I feel like that just is so beautiful and so powerful.

Prayer

So Father, I just thank you for your heart towards us. And I thank you that you are constantly revealing who you are. And I thank you that your word is living proof of who you are and how you feel towards us. And I pray that will just really sink in deep for us as we are reading about your redemption and your hand towards your people. And Lord, we just thank you for this and it's in your name we pray, amen.

Announcements

I'm sure by now you know where the place of connection is dailyaudiobible.com. If you're on Facebook, you can go to facebook.com/dailyaudiobible.chronological, you can connect with other DABCer's other Double DABbers. I don't know how many you can work your way up to, but you can connect with other DABCer's for sure there. And if you have prayer requests and things that you want community to call in and pray over you and encourage you in, you can call in at 800-583-2164. You listen to the app, there's a way for you to record your prayer requests and those get sent in here and you get to play the end of everyday's podcast. That is all for today. I'm China. I love you. They'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line

Hi, this is Greg from Washington, Clown for Christ, and I'm calling for I believe it's Abraham from Mexico called in. I felt it was important to call and give you a word that Brian said on Daily Audio Bible proper. He was reading out of Romans and Paul was saying that we're saved by faith and faith alone and not by following the law. It isn't that we're not supposed to follow Jesus commandments, but that's an outpouring of our love for Christ, for God, for the appreciation of the Holy Spirit. But it's a hard posture, and so the heart posture is what you have. Remember, feelings are just their feelings. They're like a light on a dashboard. And feelings can be affected by many things, including the evil one who can affect us and speak to us. And it's easy to hear something and think the wrong thing. So remember, even if you don't feel like you have faith, you ask for God for that faith. It's there. Grab onto it and remember what the word of God says, that your loved and your salvation is by faith alone. Amen.

Hi. This is Melissa from North Carolina. I'm calling in to pray for Simone and her niece that she thinks of like a daughter. I pray that God would just keep that baby exactly where it belongs and that it would come to full term and be a healthy delivery. And I pray that God gives his peace to the mom and the dad and the baby so that it is a stress free time and that baby gets to just stay in the arms of God until it is time to come into the world. In Jesus name. Amen.

Good morning, DABC family. I absolutely love it here. My brain works better when it goes in order. I absolutely love what chronological, and I love China and Jill. Thank you both for blessing us so much. I'm calling in for this is Pamela Refined by the Fire from Pennsylvania. And I'm calling in for a woman I'm very sorry. My brain doesn't do well with names. But you called in about your son who you found out he saw on the autism spectrum high functioning Asperger's. And I called in and told you about how I worked with my son. I just want to encourage you. Asperger's isn't something to dread or to try to fix or to just have negative emotions about. It's a beautiful gift where God has given the person individual gifts that he superpowers. My son is superpowered in photography and technology. No one ever had to teach him anything. He picked up the camera and suddenly created beautiful, unimaginable photos. When he was 13 years old, he brought in pictures of photos of flowers in the neighborhood because I couldn't get out of bed. And it blessed me so much. You see, our children have gifts, just like God gives us. And we need to cherish the gifts. I've said before, enjoy what you can, endure what you must. These are diddies that God gives me. So I'm encouraging you to do that, sister, and love and enjoy your son for the gifts and the blessing that he is. I love you and I'm praying for you. Bye bye.

This is Carol from Houston. I just found out one of my dear friends, Cathy, is in hospice and not expected to be here long. I just pray her suffering will soon end and I pray for her sisters and all her friends. I just love her dearly and am going to miss her greatly. Thank you.

[bruhlsbees]

tom foolery || clown!daniel x fem!reader

summary: the one where reader fucks a party clown

pairing: clown!daniel x fem!reader

word count: 9,429

warnings: cheating (reader’s husband is off cheating and reader sleeps with daniel), grey!daniel character, drinking (reader and daniel), car sex, daniel gets his clown makeup over reader (it's a messy situation), breeding kink, breastfeeding/lactation kink, oral sex (f receiving), squirting, unprotected sex, degradation, spanking, spitting, slapping (y'all know the big 3), bondage, roleplay?? (i mean he's a lit birthday clown), 18+, nsfw, minors dni

a/n: y'all thought i was joking with this one, huh - thanks to everyone who listened to this weird idea and helped me hash everything out (and yes i left this open-ended bc if for some reason this goes well i will do another part) and this is probably my most smuttiest of smuts written so just throwing that out now

For the majority of the ride to your best friend’s house all had gone well: your son was asleep in the backseat and you were listening to a podcast that you had just recently discovered. It was the calm before the storm - the facade you would have to put on of being the perfect white picket fence housewife.

You didn’t hate being a mother, but you did hate the social gatherings that came with it. The baseball games, holiday parties at school, birthdays - what made it worse was the obvious fact that you were that mom. The one with the failing marriage that nobody wanted to bring up.

It was common for you to show up to most of the social gatherings alone. Your husband either at the office or on a work retreat that kept him from making an appearance. Honestly, it was probably for the better - given how shit his attitude was the majority of the time.

So when you were interrupted from your semi-alone time to bask in your thoughts to a call coming through from him, you were left with a bad taste in your mouth.

“Hey, are you at the party yet?” Your husband questioned through the van’s speakers, although it seemed like he was preoccupied with something else in the background. It sounded loud, like he was out in public.

“No, almost there though. Maybe five minutes away,” You replied, sighing gently, “I wish you would come to these once in a while. I hate doing this alone.”

He hummed in thought, as if pretending to listen. You thought maybe, maybe, for once he was actually listening, but to your avail, it wasn’t any different.

“And did you get the present? You know I’m out of town all weekend so I can’t just come and drop it off if you forgot aga-”

“Yes,” You whined, not wanting to hear another lecture by your husband about all the things you were doing wrong. “It’s right next to me, I didn’t forget it.”

You paused for a moment and tried to listen to the background noise of where he was at. It didn’t sound like he was in the car, nor in an office. Curiosity got the best of you and you finally let the question slip.

“Where are you even going to be this weekend?”

“Work stuff,” He rushed, “Remember? I told you all week. Department is going out of state to a retreat on communicationation between co-workers.”

How fucking ironic.

But he hadn’t, though. No matter how much he wanted to gaslight you into thinking he had, you knew that there wasn’t a peep about it from him. Your lousy husband was avoiding you all week like he always did leading up to a weekend away with his mistress. Late nights at the office and early mornings going in. You weren’t stupid, you knew he was seeing someone else - you weren’t quite sure how long it had been going on for, but long enough for you to grow tired of his shit.

“Momma, are we almost there?”

At the sound of your son’s voice, your gaze went from the road ahead of you and to the rear-view mirror, staring at him as he woke up. Smiling weakly, you nodded your head before your attention went back to the road.

“Yes, buddy, just a few more minutes.”

Your son rubbed his eyes and yawned, sitting up in his booster seat and grabbing one of his books that he kept in the car to keep himself occupied the remainder of the ride, ignoring the conversation between you and his father.

If you were more analytic about your husband’s life that he hid from you, perhaps you would have gotten out of the marriage sooner, but that was just it, you hadn’t. And when your son came into the picture, it made leaving that much harder.

“Look, I gotta go,” He cleared his throat before exhaling - as if he were growing tired of the conversation. “I’ll be back home Monday.”

You nodded your head, laughing to yourself as your hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, your knuckles going white. You didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye before the call dropped, just as you were turning onto the road that your son’s friend lived on.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

You couldn’t pinpoint which was worse - the screaming children or the awful clown music. Your best friend had hired a party clown for the occasion and while you weren’t terrified of them, despite growing up in the age of Stephen King’s IT, you found them to be incredibly annoying.

The clown - Dandy - was a hit with the kids, which proved your best friend’s point of being a good distraction for the kids while the adults could breathe. While the kids were entertained by the balloon animals and lousy clown puns, you were in the kitchen, checking to see if maybe you could see where your husband was based on his Snapchat location - but alas, he had turned it off.

“You really just gotta get a divorce already.”

Jumping slightly, you looked up from your phone and watched your best friend waltz into the kitchen, holding two slices of cake in her hands. She smiled and handed you one, leaning against the island in the middle of the modern-style kitchen.

You happily took the cake, tucking your phone in your pocket before leaning against the sink, staring ahead at her, “I know, it’s just-”

“Hard? Tell me about it,” Your friend laughed and shook her head, stabbing in her own slice, “I still have to explain to Ava everyday why Mommy and Daddy don’t live with each other. Sometimes I think maybe I should have just sucked it up and stuck with it. At least until she was older.”

While you couldn’t agree completely with her guilt, you both had known each other long enough to meet in the middle. You could both agree that your kids came first and were both willing to sacrifice a lot for them...but she was able to get out, still keep her life relatively the same and be happy. Sometimes you wondered if she realized how jealous you were of her.

“She’ll understand in the future though and she’ll know that you were the one who stuck around and not him,” Swallowing your bite of cake, you tilted your head to the side, “Where is he even at?”

Laughing sarcastically, your friend shook her head and rolled her eyes, tears welling in her eyes, “With his other family. The one he seems to be more invested in nowadays rather than the first.”

Your lips pulled into a tight line, nodding before your eyes fell down to your plate, stabbing at the slice of cake, unsure with what you wanted to say next. You knew of the current situation, but weren’t sure how far you should be inserting yourself into their business. It was, after all, their relationship and not yours.

The fading musical tune brought both of you from your cake and to the archway that led to the living room, kids stampeding out of the room and outback to crack open the pinata. You let out a chuckle and shook your head, another party - another stupid pinata.

“Maybe we can string him up - the ex.” You suggested, a smirk at the corner of your mouth while your friend turned, looking at you with a humorous expression.

“Like in that one movie? What was it, Cat in the Hat?” The two of you laughed, both shaking your head while she moved to throw her plate away going to head outside. She stopped, though, when she noticed you not following. “You coming?”

“In a minute,” You explained, nodding her off to head out without you, “I’m just going to finish my cake and then I’ll be out. Don’t let him get too feisty with the bat. He’s been big into baseball recently.”

Your son was passionate, that was for sure, he reminded you of your husband in that sense - but sometimes even the six-year-old had more strength than you could imagine. The last thing you wanted to have happened was him accidentally hitting one of the other kids and you getting a lecture from the other parents about ‘disciplining your child’.

But you knew your best friend wouldn’t let that happen - and off she went to be the ‘perfect host’, her tone switching from her normal neutral voice to a more peppy version, trying her best to fit into the role she was meant to play.

When the chaos outside was muffled by the screen door closing, your head dropped back down to your almost empty plate, finishing off the rest of you slice before moving your fingers to the plate. With one swipe you coated your index, middle, and ring finger in the frosting, sucking on the sugar. With your fingers in your mouth, your brain wandered back to your phone, bouncing back and forth as to whether or not you should message him.

No, why even bother, he’ll just send you to voicemail and never call you back.

Bubbling in your own thoughts, you blinked at the frustrated tears and bit down gently on your fingers, attempting to stop yourself from quiet before you saw the assortment of rainbow figure crashing your self-pity moment, stopping in the archway with a flask in his hands.

“Oh, shit, sorry - I thought everyone had gone outside.”

It was a lot to take in - the clown. It wasn’t that him being a clown made you uncomfortable, but him finding you on the brink of tears with your fingers stuffed in your mouth. Pulling your fingers out of your mouth, you quickly wiped them onto your jeans before clearing your throat, avoiding his gaze while you tossed your plate away in the trash can next to him.

“You’re fine, I um, sorry- did you need something?” You took a step back and looked up at him, your eyes glancing down at the flask in his hand, “Or did you just need a moment too?”

The clown, Dandy, chuckled weakly and shook his head - his poorly dyed red hair hitting his cheeks as his head moved. Moving his ungloved hand up, he tucked some of the curls behind his ear, taking the strap of the uncomfortable party hat and pulling it off his head, setting it on the counter before screwing the lid off his flask.

“Just finishing up the act,” He joked, tilting his head back to let some of the booze fall down his throat. When he finished his generous sip, he looked back at you, extending it out to you, “You want some?”

If any of the other parents saw your exchange with Dandy, you knew you’d be ridiculed, lectured by your husband for ‘making the family name look bad’, but Christ did you need it.

Dandy wiggled the flask in your direction, as if taunting you to take it and take a sip - and it worked. You extended your hand out and took the flask, tilting your head back to drink from the tin flask and let whatever it was he had in there hit your tongue.

You gagged suddenly at the taste of Jack Daniels, coughing as you lurched forward, holding the flask back out towards him to take back. He did, laughing and shaking his head, tucking the flask back in his suit pocket.

“Don’t drink much, do you?” He assumed, watching as you wiped your mouth and shook your head, catching your breath before letting out a sigh.

“Not, that!” You answered, cringing at the taste that was still in your mouth, “God, how much do you hate your life to be drinking that?”

You had only meant the question to be sarcastic, a playful tease at his choice of drink, not a direct hit to his personal life. But Dandy didn’t take it that way, behind the painted on smile, his lips fell to a sadder, smaller, smile.

“Well I’m a party clown aren’t I? Gotta get by somehow.”

Frowning, you opened your mouth to apologize but stopped when he held up his hand, his smile returning, “It’s fine, I know what you meant.”

Moving around you, Dandy went and took your original spot, propped up against the sink counter, his long legs crossed over one another. Turning around, you watched as he played on his phone, probably checking the notifications he missed while performing at the party.

He was cute, you’d give him that - but the get up was awful. It was something you knew you’d seen at Halloween City in the adult costumes section, and you wondered if maybe that’s where he got it. It was the standard yellow and blue split shirt, with the fake sewn on patches and red buttons down the middle. His pants were also the standard yellow color, with rainbow polka dots covering them. And the shoes! Were his feet really that big?

You hadn’t realized how hard you were staring at him, your neck craned forward as you tried to examine the costume more before catching his hand waving at you to grab your attention, your neck falling back and eyes lifting up to him. He held his phone in one hand and dropped the other to his side.

“Can I help you?” He questioned, although he sounded more amused than anything. When your cheeks went pink, shaking your head, looking away to try and pretend like you weren’t just obviously staring at him, he laughed. “They’re not actually that big. The shoes just make my feet look bigger. Pretty standard shoe size, I’ll admit.”

Nodding, you bit down on your lip before the sound of children squealing caught your attention. You turned and saw the kids diving for the candy, parents snapping photos of them with grins on their face. You should’ve been out there - not drinking whiskey with the fucking party clown.

“I should go.” You explained suddenly. Glancing up at him, you tried to ignore the slightly disappointed look on his face before he nodded back, understanding.

“Yeah, I should load my stuff up into the car anyways.” Dandy mumbled, pushing himself off the counter to follow loosely behind you, letting you have your space as he went to the living room to grab his party trunk and haul it out to his car.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

“And you’re sure you can handle all the kids? I don’t want you to be overwhelmed.”

Holding your son in your arms, bidding him a farewell for the evening, you nodded after your friend reassured you that she could handle it and kissed his head, smiling as he squeezed you tightly before running off with the rest of the kids.

“Okay, well, just call if something changes. I don’t mind staying over or if he starts to get too much I can come get him,” You explained, picking yourself up off the ground and pulling your jeans down. “It’s not like I’m doing anything tonight.”

She let out a laugh and shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest as the two of you headed outside to the front porch, “Take a break for the night, husband is out of town and you got the place to yourself. Who knows, maybe if you call the clown he’ll come and keep you compa-”

The swift punch to her shoulder sent you both into a fit of giggles before she playfully punched you back, the two of you shoving one another until you both fell silent, pulling one another in for a hug as you departed.

“But for your sake, I’ll be sure to call - but I highly doubt I’ll need you to come back.”

You took a step back as you began your descent down the steps, crossing the sidewalk towards your car that was parked on the street.

“Seriously though! I’m sure Dandy would love some company!” Your friend teased from her spot on the porch. You waved her off and laughed, shaking your head as you unlocked the minivan and climbed in, settling in before starting the vehicle up and driving off.

It didn’t take long for you to get out of your friend’s neighborhood, back onto the main busy road that led from her neighborhood to yours. Thankfully traffic had already died down for the day, making the drive easy on you and your clouded thoughts.

You half debated on calling him again, to see if he would answer - but you knew that if on the off chance he did pick up, you wouldn’t feel any better than you did now. It made you wonder in moments like this why you even let him get to you, did you still love him? Part of you thought maybe you did, maybe you were holding off on the hope that the man you married would one day come back.

At this point you were crying, the tears dripping down off your chin and onto your neck, cursing under your breath as you quickly wiped them away. You knew that you couldn’t stay focused on the road right now, which is how you found yourself in the middle of a rest stop off the side of the freeway.

When you parked your car in one of the empty spots, your head fell forward with a sigh, closing your eyes tight as you collected your thoughts. You just needed to catch your breath, tell yourself you were okay, and head home.

Your stomach grumbled and your eyes opened, glancing down at your stomach that you held before groaning. You wished you had stolen a piece of cake before you left to hold you over for the ride, but you also weren’t expecting to make a rest stop to cry.

Reaching for your purse, you pulled out your wallet and a couple dollars to go inside and get a snack. When you looked up from your purse though, you noticed a familiar rainbow figure standing beside your car, smiling at you.

Jolting back, your head hit the window, causing you to groan before you held your head, unbuckling from your seat and getting out of the car.

“What the fuck man-”

“-I’m sorry! I should have waited until you got out of something before I came over.” It was Dandy, the stupid clown from the birthday party and still in his getup. What was he even doing out here?

“Might want to add a bell or something to your costume. Jesus, man, what are you doing?” When the back of your head numbed down, you let out a sigh and dropped your hand to your chest, crossing your arms.

Dandy didn’t seem to be too aware of your social cues that indicated that you were probably less than thrilled to be chatting with him, and continued on with his own thoughts, pointing at his car.

“My car broke down. I was wondering if I could maybe get a lift or something? I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t remember you from the party.” He explained, shuffling in his spot. Dandy didn’t mean to be a bother to you, but he was desperate, that and his phone had died.

You debated on turning him down, letting him fend for himself - but he looked so pathetic standing in front of you, the evident frown on his face behind the painted on smile. If you were to leave him out here, with a dead phone and car, you knew the guilt would eat you alive.

Remembering the dollars in your pocket, you squeezed them in your hand before motioning to the car, “Sure, fine. I’m going inside to get something to eat though, so don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

Not caring that he heard the door lock, you stuffed your keys into your pocket and continued on, heading to the vending machine that was inside to grab a snack. When your eyes met the options, you scanned over the options before deciding on the granola bar, buying an extra one for the clown.

When you made your way back to the car, your steps slowed to a stop when you saw him standing at the front of your car, a weak smile on his face as he held out a purple balloon animal.

“I don’t have much money on me. But I still wanted to thank you.” He explained, handing you the balloon animal.

It was a sweet gesture, a little silly for your taste, but you could understand the sincerity of it. You weren’t going to turn down something he had worked on for you while you were inside. Smiling, you thanked him quietly before extending your hand out to offer him the extra granola bar.

“Here, take it. I got it for you.”

He stared down at the granola bar in your hand and didn’t move for a moment, as if hesitant to take it. When you waved it in his face, much like he had done with the flask from earlier at the party, he laughed and took it, thanking you.

“Come on. I’d rather not get eaten alive by the mosquitos. You can tell me where you need to go in the van,” You instructed, making your way to the now unlocked van and climbing back into the driver’s seat, setting the balloon animal in your purse to keep from popping. Not long after Dandy climbed in the passenger side himself, stuffed in the seat uncomfortably before you let out a laugh. “You can adjust the seat.”

Moving in a hurry, Dandy bent forward and grabbed the bar to scoot the seat back, his long legs extending out with a sigh. You shook your head and peeled the wrapper to the granola bar open and took a bite. Looking out the window, you watched as the sun continued to set for the day, ignoring the crinkling that came from Dandy.

Turning your head, you watched as he struggled to open his granola bar - his greasy fingers from the party not allowing him to grab onto the wrapper and peel it open. Holding your own in your mouth, you reached over and took his from him, peeling it open with ease before handing it back to him.

“Thanks...is that some mom trick or-”

“-My fingers aren’t covered in paint.” You stated flatly. You ignored the pained expression that came from Dandy as he quietly took a bite from the granola bar, looking out his own window.

The silence began to eat at you, knowing that you were being too harsh on the guy who was already having a shit night. Probably a shit life, just like you. You watched as the time ticked by, minute after minute, until the radio screen turned to an incoming phone call from your husband.

Dandy stared at the screen, watching as you let the call ring until it went to voicemail. “Was that important?” He wondered, eyes falling from the screen and over to you. You shook your head and sighed, finishing the granola bar before throwing the wrapper in your purse.

“No, just the husband. Probably a drunk call to inform me of all the other things I’m doing wrong as a mother while he’s stepped away from his mistress,” You blushed at the sudden revelation to the stranger sitting beside you and cleared your throat, “Sorry, just forget it.”

Shaking his head, letting the red mop on his head tossle, he shrugged his shoulders and sank in the seat, “Doesn’t sound like that great of a guy.” He noted, letting the silence fill the van again.

You knew he was right, whether you wanted to admit it to him or not. Your husband was a shit guy, some days you felt like he was the worst of the bunch, but he was still your husband, and maybe that’s why you felt so inclined to tell the clown to shut up.

But you didn’t.

“Life isn’t perfect, I can attest to that,” Dandy began, clearing his throat and sitting up again in his seat, “You think I wanted to be a clown? Almost forty and going to kids parties for my income?” He laughed and shook his head before continuing, “I can play the part really well. At least I’d hope so after all the acting classes I took, but the entertainment world didn’t want someone like me - least not the movie business.”

You knew a few things about acting, doing it yourself almost daily. The forced smiles, fake laughs, hell - even in the bedroom when you faked getting off just to make your husband happy. All of it was to please everyone but yourself.

“I’m not sure what to think of having a literal clown give me advice,” You paused for a moment, letting your shoulders sink before you gave in. “I get it...this life, I’m sure you’ve seen enough moms like me to know that some of us just get stuck in this life. Having kids makes leaving hard. So you fake it until you make it, even if it means going to bed unsatisfied.” You blinked away your tears and shook your head, gaze lowering to your hands as you furrowed your brows to keep calm. Glancing to your right once you felt the nudge against your arm.

“Does he make you unsatisfied?”

The bold question sent a cackle out of you, the van ringing from your sudden cry before a grin took the place of your frown, matching the real one on Dandy’s face.

“Bold of you to assume he leaves me unsatisfied. What makes you think I don’t get off to him every morning and night?” You dared, your body shifting and turning towards him more. You bit back the smirk that was creeping on your face and watched as Dandy shrugged.

“Just stating the obvious. Seems you gotta let loose a bit. Wouldn’t even take a drink at the par-”

“A kid’s party,” You reminded him, “I’m not going to get drunk at a kid’s birthday party.”

“No kids around now. So just humor me, does he let your wildest dreams come true?” At this point you knew that Dandy was just pulling your tail - but he was there and listening to you, something that you hadn’t had from a man in who knows when...so you humored him back, going along with it.

“Fine, I’ll play whatever game this is,” You retorted, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. “No, he doesn’t. Been married almost seven years and the only thing I’m getting is my clit scratched at. You wanna talk about acting, I should have my own fucking star in Hollywood with that act.”

Dandy laughed at your tease, pulling out the flask from his pocket and taking a sip, passing it over to you. This time, you took it without hesitation, taking a generous sip before sighing, settling it on your thigh. The burn was still there, but this time it was easier to keep down.

“I tell him one time that I wanna try something and what does he do? Goes and fuck the first woman that’s willing to open their legs to him,” You glanced at Dandy who gave you the look of ‘enlighten me more on what you mean’. Shaking your head, you chuckled weakly and took another sip, passing the flask back over to him finally. “It’s nothing crazy, just...wanted it to be a little rough. Have him manhandle me, treat me like some whore and then afterwards tell me that he loves me.”

At this point you could only hope that maybe this was all a dream. How did you go from a kid’s birthday party to picking up the party clown and talking about your sex fantasies? What a pathetic excuse of a-

“Well, I can’t say I’ll tell you that I love you after, but I know how to throw a girl around if you’d let me.”

Looking up, your eyes wide in shock, you lost the words to say at his offer. Was he serious? Was this clown really telling you that he’d fuck you?

“You’re joking...dude, I’m married!” You retorted, as if that was the real excuse.

Rolling his eyes, Dandy leaned forward closer to you, his face only inches from your own.

“And so is he. But where is he? Not fucking you.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and kept your gaze locked on his eyes, noticing the specks of honey in his irises. You knew this was wrong, in all senses this was completely fucked up, yet for some reason you were pulled to do so.

“This isn’t some hard commitment. You obviously need a release and so do I. But if you don’t want to, I’m not gonna force you to do anythi-”

He was cut off by the sudden kiss from you - your morals out the window as your lips meshed with his, ignoring the taste of the paint, granola, and whiskey. You felt Dandy grab your face, holding your close as he finally kissed you back, grazing the bottom of your lip with his tongue.

Pulling back from you suddenly, Dandy dropped his hands to your shoulder, keeping you back while he caught his breath.

“Listen...I’m down for whatever it is that’s about to happen, but I just need to know what you want me to do.” He explained, chest heaving from the kiss. Your mouth was parted and had paint around your mouth and chin.

“I-I don’t know…”

“If you want me to be rough, I’ll do it. I’ll do what your husband can’t, but if you don’t want this, tell me now and I’ll get out and forget that this ever happened,” He moved his right hand up to your face and grazed his knuckles along your jawline. “But I need to know.”

This was your chance. To tell him no. To continue with your good karma of being a good wife despite having every right to not be. The angel on your left shoulder was screaming at you to kick him out, but the devil on the other seemed to win, and you found yourself agreeing to Dandy’s offer.

The two of you fell back into the trunk of your minivan only seconds later, stumbling through the rows of seats until you landed on the baseball equipment back with a grunt. You pulled away from his lips to turn and shove the bag off to the side. Dandy, on the other hand, wasn’t fazed by your departure from his lips and planted kisses along your neck, the red clown smile coming off his own face and smearing onto you.

You let out a moan when he bit down on your sweet spot, leaning into his kiss before finally pushing away from him, his lips pulling off your neck with a ‘pop’. When you sat back, Dandy now hovering over you, you could only smile at him, your mouth red as if you did a poor job of applying lipstick.

“You look like a clown,” He teased, looking down at your lips before leaning forward to kiss you, both of you smiling in the kiss until he pulled away, kissing across your face before his lips found your ear, “Are you going to show me what tricks you have up your sleeve-”

He was cut off by you grabbing his neck, shoving him away from you until he fell onto his back, you crawling on top of him to pin him down.

“Do you have to make everything about this a joke?” You mused, your hair falling forward and letting it tickle his nose - a laugh escaping from you as he crinkled his nose. “I mean, it’s bad enough you’re a literal clown.”

You were taken back when he sat up suddenly, grabbing you by the waist to pin you back down as he climbed over you. While you tried to focus more on how he made you feel versus the paint smearing across you, you still couldn’t help but groan at the sticky feeling of the face paint smearing against your face.

At that point you had almost wished you would have let him go and clean up like he offered before you two did anything. But you were desperate, so desperate. It would take more than clown makeup to stop you from getting your guts scrambled in the back of your minivan.

With his lips back on yours, you felt his tongue push through your teeth and into your mouth, swirling with your own as you tasted the mix of birthday cake and whiskey off his breath. Gathering his hair into one hand to keep his curls from falling into your face, your other moved down his shirt, towards the growing bulge in his pants until your hand wrapped around his dick through the fabric of his costume.

“Wait!” He breathed, pulling back from you suddenly and onto his knees, catching his breath as he leaned back on his heels, “Do you have anything?”

You weren’t entirely positive with what he meant at first, your brain still fuzzy from the kiss until it finally clicked with you. “What? Like protection?” You questioned, laughing a little as you sat up, only for your smile to frown when you realized he was being serious. “Does it look like I have that?”

His mouth fell open and he stumbled to get words out before shaking his head. Dandy mumbled something under his breath before reaching over and grabbing his coat from the back seat, digging through the side pocket.

“I might have something-”

“Were you expecting to get laid on the gig?” You interjected, a smirk toying on the corner of your mouth as he looked at you, a scowl on his face. He ignored you and kept digging.

You watched as the rainbow scarves came out of his pocket. One by one a different colored scarf flooded the back of your minivan. It must have been a gag in his show he never got around to at the party. You figured after the sixteenth scarf there’d be no more, but it kept going.

A quiet sigh escaped your mouth as your shoulders shrank, looking around the trunk as you waited for him to find whatever it was that he thought he brought with him. You weren’t sure what to do at that moment - should you have offered to help?

When you thought he was finished, watching as the string of rainbow stopped, you pulled your shirt off, readying yourself only to see the string of rainbow pick up again. You were a mother, so your patience was rather strong, however in the moment - seconds away from getting fucked by a party clown, you had had enough.

“Oh my god-” You leaned forward and grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks, “Forget the protection, Dandy, just fuck me already.”

You pulled him in for a kiss, your lips pressed against his hard. You moved to sit in his lap as your hands cradled his face, holding his hair back and out of his face. It felt crunchy from the spray hair dye he must have put in his hair for the gig. The red hair dye staining your hands as his chocolate locks came through.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to-”

You pulled away from him, holding his face steady in your hands to keep his eyes on you. Annoyance bubbling inside of you with all of his worries. “Dandy, yes, I’m sure. I just need you in me.” You explained desperately, your lips finding his once again.

“Daniel,” He mumbled against your lips, pulling away from the kiss to look at you, “Daniel - my name is Daniel.”

You looked at him and nodded, repeating his name before you fell back again, propping yourself up on your elbows. Letting out a sigh, you pushed your hair out of your face before bending your legs so they were spread apart.

“Daniel, are you going to come over here and fuck me or are you just going to do another one of your silly clown gags?”

You were still practically all the way clothed, the only thing missing was your shirt. He leaned forward on his knees and hooked his fingers around your jeans, tugging them down while his face pressed against your skin, leaving wet kisses down your stomach, thighs, and stopping just above your knees.

His makeup had smeared down your body now, his alvina skin peeking through the makeup. At this point you had sat up to unclasp your bra, pulling it down off your shoulders and tossing it with the rest of your clothes. When you leaned forward to grab onto his yellow polka parachute pants, he stopped you suddenly.

While his left hand grabbed at your hair, gathering it up into his fist before leaning your head back, his other hand was fondling your breast, pinching and pulling at your nipple before slapping your breast, grinning at your gasp.

“Why don’t you open your pretty mouth up, yeah?” You blushed at the switch in his demeanor, but still complied, opening your mouth slightly and up at him.

But that wasn’t enough, he shook his hand and squeezed your nipple again, this time harder until you gasped, your mouth opening wider before he leaned forward and spit into your mouth. You flinched at what he had done, ready to spit it back at him before your mouth was suddenly gagged.

If it weren’t for the squeak you probably would have assumed it was one of the dozens upon dozens of scarves he had pulled earlier from his pocket, but the ball shape in your mouth that left your jaw sore indicated that it was something more familiar.

You bit down on the clown nose, listening to it squeak before moving your arms up to remove the gag, finding it silly before Daniel’s hands grabbed at your arms, stopping you from moving before smiling at you.

“What do you think you’re doing? I didn’t say you could take it out.”

Your cheeks went red as you felt him stroke your face before he pulled his hand back and cracked it against your cheek, you biting down on the nose and letting it squeak. You enjoyed it though, the mix of pain and pleasure. It took you back a bit, only because you had figured Daniel was like your husband in the sense of not going through with what you said you liked being done to you.

When you felt his fingers graze your stinging cheek you leaned into his tough, your eyes lulling shut before he leaned forward, kissing your hairline. His fingers dropped from your face and reached down to grab your wrists, pulling them together before using some of the scarves to tie your wrists up.

When your wrists were bound behind you, Daniel pushed you back gently by your shoulder, watching you fall onto your back with a ‘thud’ before finally beginning to peel his own costume off. He made sure to take his time, kicking off the absurd clown shoes that were three times too big for his feet and shimming out of his pants.

It was a process already, taking off his costume, but cramped up in the back of a minivan was a whole other process of its own. He could hardly get his shirt unbuttoned, fingers fumbling to get the tiny buttons through the tight holes. When he finally did, however, he sat up on his knees with a huff, his hard dick sticking up - red and already leaking with precum.

“Are you going to be a good girl and take my dick?” He questioned, hand pumping at his swollen cock as he took in the sight of you gagged and tied up. He smirked when he noticed the drool spilling around the clown nose that was in your mouth. You nodded, moaning in response as your thighs squeezed together.

Moving towards you, Daniel dropped his hand from his cock to pull your legs apart, squeezing your thighs before his right hand moved up to your ass, giving it a good squeeze and bringing his hand up and back down, striking your bare cheek that made you flinch.

You whined at the sudden impact, but felt yourself get even wetter. You bit down on the gag and ignored the squeak that came out of it, sighing as Daniel gently caressed your ass to numb the pain. He brought his hand back to his dick and ran the tip up and down, swirling at your clit until your toes curled and your thighs went to squeeze together.

“Ah, ah, ah,” He caught your leg that had moved and pinned it down with his free hand, keeping you wide open while the tip of his cock hovered at your entrance. “You said you were going to be a good girl and take my dick. Are you going to be naughty now?”

You shook your head and moved onto your back, letting your spine relax from it’s previous twisted position to look up at him. Your knees rested on his sides and watched as he leaned forward, spit falling from his mouth and hitting your clit. Whining, your hips bucked forward a bit, wanting more until you finally got what you wanted.

“Oh, are you getting needy now?” He smiled when you nodded, bucking your hips again until you felt his hand leave your leg and fall to your clit, his thumb tracing circles that left you arching into his touch. By this point you were beyond ready for him to fuck you, you were getting fed up with his teasing, and he noticed.

In one swift motion Daniel thrusted in you, grunting at the surprising tightness of you around him. He had guessed that with you having a husband and a child you birthed, you wouldn’t have felt like a fucking virgin.

“Fuck, I thought you said you had a husband? Does he not even fuck you?” He pulled out of you slightly to ram into you again, sending you forward, your tits bouncing as his rhythm continued. “And you had a kid?” He laughed and shook his head, squeezing your hips, “By this rate, I’m going to be filling you up with my own. Would you like that? Being round and full with my kid?”

You could feel yourself tighten around him, squeezing at his dick while he continued to fuck you. Despite the warmer air, your nipples were standing hard, longing for attention as you laid on your tied arms, wishing you could play with them yourself.

Daniel must have gotten the hint when you rolled your shoulders, pressing your breasts together to give at least some sort of relief to the tingling feeling on them. He smiled and leaned down, pressing his mouth around your left breast as he continued to rut in you, his tongue swirling around your nipple before his teeth latched on. He looked up at you and smiled, your nipple in between his teeth before he pulled back, letting go with a ‘pop’ before moving to the other.

By now just like the rest of your body your breasts were painted over with the light pink paint that came from Daniel’s mouth, dark red marks from his teeth peeking through the spots where the paint hadn’t stuck. You were growing needier by the minute, your own orgasm building as your nails sank into the flooring of the minivan.

“I bet you want me to untie you, huh?” He laughed when you nodded and shook his head, grabbing your legs to wrap around his waist as he picked up his pace again, “When you finally come around my dick I’ll untie you, and on your second I’ll pull that gag out of your mouth,” He leaned forward until his chest pressed against you, “I want to hear you say my name when you come the third time. You understand?”

And you did, Christ did you - but the thought of not one, not two, but three orgasms, you weren’t sure if you were going to be able to handle it.

Kissing your cheek sloppily, Daniel smiled and leaned back up, carrying on with fucking your brains out until you were practically choking on the gag, tears welling in your eyes as you clenched around him. It wasn’t much longer before your legs squeezed around his waist, coming undone around him.

“Well that didn’t take long,” He teased, pulling out and flipping you over to untie your wrists. When the scarves fell from your wrists, Daniel pulled them around and rubbed them, making sure they were okay before letting them fall to the side.

Pushing himself back, Daniel fell to lay between your thighs, pulling himself up so his face was nestled in front of your dripping cunt. “How long has it been since you came like that? Certainly not from your husband.”

You wished you didn’t have the gag in your mouth, so you could bite back at his remarks. You knew what he was doing, breaking your husband down to build himself up. It was working too, knowing that your husband never pleasured you the way Daniel had in just a matter of minutes.

“Be a good girl and keep your legs open. Can you do that for me? Or are you still stupid off my dick?” He smirked when you glared down at him before diving forward into your cunt, lapping up your wetness that had spilled out from you, his tongue swiping up and closing down on your clit; his left arm wrapped around your leg and his other in between your thighs, his fingers diving into your soaked pussy, the squelching noises from your wetness filling the van.

It didn’t take long for your new found freed hands to grab onto his hair, nails scraping at his scalp that made him moan, vibrating against your clit. Biting down on the gag, your squeezed your thighs at the sides of his head, heels digging into his back as you began to shake.

“Mmm, still so sensitive are we?” You nodded and let out a whine, grabbing his hair and tugging it to bring him back to you as he pulled away. Tutting, he bit down on your thigh and slapped your cunt, “You’re not being a very good girl. Do you want me to tie you back up?”

You didn’t, the last thing you wanted was to start back at square one with him - lose your privileges of screaming his name when he came inside you. You loosened your grip on his hair and watched him smile up at you.

“Good, there’s my good girl. Are you gonna come in my mouth? Let me taste you before I fuck your brains out again?” His fingers sank back into you, hitting the sweet spot as you sat up to watch, your hand resting on the back of his head. You were close, so close.

What came next shocked the both of you - clenching around his fingers, pulling at his hair, your legs began to shake violently until you were gushing out, squirting onto his tongue and fingers. You felt your eyes spinning and you could only focus on the black stars that clouded your vision, falling back onto the floor of the van.

When he pulled away, you had almost expected him to stop then, run back to his car and lock himself in from his own embarrassment - but he didn’t. When Daniel came up from in between your thighs, a grin was spread across his face, your wetness dripping off his chin and onto your thighs.

Reaching down, he pulled the gag out of your mouth finally and squeezed your face in one hand, massaging your jaw before leaning forward, “I want you to taste how fucking delicious you are.” He announced, his mouth finding yours.

You moaned against his mouth at the taste of yourself, your chest tightening as he moved his hand away from your face and down to your thigh, squeezing it as he settled in between your legs again, throwing the leg he was grabbing around his waist.

When he snagged your own tongue between his teeth, pulling it into his mouth, you groaned at how he was sucking on it, lips pressed hard together until he pulled back finally - letting you catch your breath.

“Are you going to scream my name?” He asked, sitting up and on his knees. He kept his one hand on your thigh and moved the other up your stomach and chest before settling on your throat. He wrapped his hand gently around, squeezing it until you squeaked out a ‘yes’.

“Good, good…” He breathed, lining himself up to you. At this point his own dick was throbbing, precum leaking from the tip and head painfully red. You knew he had been holding back his own orgasms, but you were shocked at his ability to hold off this long.

His first thrust back into you was hard - clenching around him almost instantly. You were still so sensitive, yet the fill of him back inside of you made your stomach coil and your third orgasm begin to build. You wondered if you would be able to even come again...would he be mad if you didn’t?

You were snapped from your thoughts by him squeezing your throat, your eyes widening and your hands coming up to grab his wrist. As much as you wanted to say you trusted the guy, he was still nothing more than a stranger to you.

“Say my name, sweetheart, can you do that? Do you even remember my name?” He let out a low chuckle and leaned forward, brushing his lips against yours but not kissing them, teasing you until he heard you say his name.

“D-Daniel…” You mumbled, wincing when his next thrust snapped his hips into you, the pressure of him sending your stomach flipping.

“Say it louder.”

“Daniel.”

“Louder!”

“Daniel!”

He seemed satisfied with your scream, your face red from the heat and intensity of your fuck fest. His grip loosened around your throat and you gasped for air, feeling him pull you up as he sat down, his back against the door of your trunk.

You weren’t sure if you could ride him just then, but he seemed to help you as much as you needed, guiding your hips up and down onto him as your nails sank into his shoulders, chin resting against the top of his head while his attention fell to your breasts. The attention he had been giving them all night left them sore, yet a familiar tenderness that you hadn’t felt in a long time. They weren’t swollen as if they were hurting, but something else.

It had been a pleasant surprise to him, tasting the milk that came from your breasts. It soothed the dry throat that he had since the lack of whiskey to ease his worries. This, however, was much better than any drink he had tasted.

When he pulled away, you looked down and noticed the stray droplet of milk on the corner of his mouth. Moving your hand, you swiped the drop onto your thumb before watching him suck it clean off. You panted in the moment, watching as the honey irises darkened until his pupils took over. You wondered if you had the same lusted look glazed over your own eyes.

Daniel released your thumb from his mouth and leaned forward again, kissing you deeply as he pulled you flushed against him, pinning you to him as his arms wrapped around your waist, keeping you steady as he thrusted his hips quicker up into you, his orgasm finally approaching.

“I-I’m gonna com-”

“-Yes, please, Daniel, please come in me. Fill me up, make me round with your babies.” You felt your head beginning to spin again, clinging to him desperately as your cunt clenched around him, his rhythm slowing until he was grunting into your neck, his own body shaking as his come shot out and deep in you.

You weren’t far behind, your legs wrapping tighter around him until you were coming undone around him, whining in his ear that sent him almost ready to fuck you into a fourth orgasm, but he knew that he couldn’t do that to you. At least not this time.

Daniel let you fall back, holding you still up as you closed your eyes, brushing your hair out of your face. He smiled up at you and tucked your own hair behind your ears, moving your hair back behind your shoulders and peppering your collarbone with gentle kisses, moving up to your neck to kiss at the bruises that he may have left.

His tender care for you afterwards left a smile on your face, the paint beginning to crust onto your skin as you brushed his curls off his own face and tucking behind his ears. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, pulling back to meet his gaze.

“I hope I didn’t hurt you too much.” He grieved, his hands moving to caress over your body, massaging the joints that felt tight under his hands. You shook your head, smiling weakly at him before kissing his nose.

“No, you didn’t. Not at all.” The two of you sat still twisted together on his lap, him still deep inside of you while you caressed one another. You enjoyed the feeling of his soft skin along your fingers, counting the freckles that were covering him. They were beautiful, just like him.

“I don’t mean to cut this short, but we should-”

“-No, you’re right. I...let me just get up.” You pushed off him slowly, groaning at the weight of him leaving you before falling back, sighing as you collected your thoughts before getting dressed again, passing him his clown costume for him to put back on. The two of you looked like a mess, it being quite obvious to anyone who saw you two what had just gone down.

While you waited for Daniel to finish getting ready, you pulled out your phone to check to see if you had any missed notifications - and the number on your screen sent a shiver down your spine.

32 texts.

17 missed calls.

9 voicemails.

They were all from him, your husband. He must have gotten pretty pissed when you didn’t answer the first time. Your eyes scanned quickly over the texts and you felt the tears beginning to prick your eyes. What have you done? What have you done?!

“Is everything okay?” You heard Daniel ask from behind you. When you pulled your gaze from your screen, you noticed your hands trembling, the tears slipping down your cheeks. You shook your head and let the sob escape.

“No!” You cried, looking back at him. You looked him over and shook your head, closing your eyes tightly, “No, my husband! He’s coming back. Tonight! Oh god, if he finds me like this I’m never going to-”

Daniel quickly placed his hand over your mouth, holding you steady as he shook his head, trying to calm you down. “Stop it, you’re fine. He’s not going to do anything. I won’t let him.”

You could admire his bravery, the chivalry he had towards you - but that was just something he didn’t get. You could sit there all day and say how your husband was, but until someone dealt with it themselves personally, they could never understand how it truly was.

“Daniel...please, I’m sorry, but I need to get you home or something before-”

“Just forget it, okay? I can wait here tonight and I’ll find someone in the morning to give me a ride. You need to get home and wash up,” He instructed, turning to open the trunk up. “Come on, let me help you out.”

As you climbed out of the trunk of your van, you stumbled onto the pavement and caught Daniel’s grip, regaining your balance before looking up at him. He wasn’t looking at you, however, but at whatever it was behind you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you turned and looked at what was behind you, your mouth falling open at the sight of him.

Your husband.

#clown!daniel #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #daniel bruehl #daniel brühl imagine #daniel brühl smut #daniel brühl x reader #daniel brühl x you #daniel bruhl x reader #daniel bruhl x you #daniel bruhl imagine #daniel bruhl smut #cw clowns #tw clowns #clowns

[nat-20s]

Part 2 of post-canon Wonderful! Au because it is extremely fun for me to write!

~*~

Martin: Hello again, and welcome back to, uh-

Jon: -the shitshow?

Martin: No! At worst this podcast is like, the audio equivalent a messy living room. If there’s no worms or clowns or, or evil bosses that are actively trying to kill you, it’s not a shitshow.

Jon: You are aware that comments like that are the reason that we have conspiracy theorists, right?

Martin: Hey, I’ve read a fair amount of those conspiracy theories, and a couple of them have been weirdly bang on.

Jon: Martin, love, no, please do not feed into their suspicions. Once again, as general disclaimer, this show has no larger narrative. It really is just us having a nice time.

Martin: Seriously, though, what about our discussions of beekeeping or the feeling of discovering a new favorite album has got people believing we’re secretly vampires? Or from a parallel universe slightly to the left of this one? Could you imagine?

Jon, dry enough to chap lips: Hardly.

Jon: Though I will say, any of the theories that involve one or both of us being supernatural creatures are my personal favorites.  I’m fascinated by what people are picking up on there, considering we are two perfectly normal human people.

Martin: Well, you are preternaturally handsome.

Jon: Oh god, shut up! That was terrible! First of all, even if that were true-

Martin:-it is. To everyone listening, my husband is very very good looking. I’d say he’s a trophy husband, but it turns out he’s also smart and loving and funny and strong and kind-

Jon, somehow blushing out loud: Will you stop it! As I was saying, first off, this is audio only, they have no idea how I look-

Martin: -you sound handsome-

Jon:-secondly, my husband outshines the sun, so if anyone should be accused of being preternaturally handsome, it’s certainly him-

Martin crosstalking, pleased:- christ, being on the receiving end of that is awful-

Jon: and finally, weren’t you last week saying something about an embarrassing old men in love quota? It’s wildly unfair of you to deplete our entire allowed supply in one comment at the top of the episode.

Martin: We actually got some feedback on that. Some of it was like, “no quota, we love love”, which is very nice, but trust me, it would result in an unlistenable show, and I’m the one that has to edit it. Most of it was closer to “old men? Aren’t you both in your mid-thirties lol?”. We are, but you know how people have the sentiment of “age is an attitude” when trying to encourage 60 year olds to go ziplining or whatever? Turns out, they’re right, and we’re in our 70s yelling at kids to get off our lawn.

Jon: Speak for yourself. My all white hair and deeply limited ability to care about popular culture makes me an absolute paragon of youth.

Martin, laughing: Of course. Especially by calling it “popular culture”.

Jon: Check the tik tok, it’s the preferred vernacular of The Youths, of which I am one.

Martin, still laughing: Yes, dear. Anyway, now that we’ve said nothing of import for a good three minutes, we should get on with the actual content, huh? Got any small wonders?

Jon: Yes?

Martin: Want to elaborate on that a little?

Jon: I do. There’s. Um. I swear there was something.

Martin: Want me to go first and come back to you?

Jon: Please.

Martin: My small wonder is the third area of feedback we got about last week. Specifically, it’s a five star review from Caitlyn S. that simply says, “I Can Not Stand Them” followed by a heart emoji.

Jon: Thank you Caitlyn. We also cannot stand each other, heart emoji.

Martin: Now it’s your turn to speak for yourself, I can stand you plenty. Actually, I would say I more than stand you, I rather like you a lot, heart emoji.

Jon, fond: Someone’s in a mood today, huh?

Martin: What can I say, it’s the first day of sun we’ve had in two? Two and half? Weeks. Forgive me if I feel like everything is a bit lighter.

Jon: No forgiveness necessary. Actually, that’s my small wonder, the first day of sunshine after weeks of grey, and, more specifically, how it makes my husband obnoxiously effusive with affection.

Martin, not genuinely wounded: Obnoxious?!

Jon: Only for others to witness, darling. If we weren’t recording right now, I would be personally responding to it with some very enthusiastic kissing.

Martin:…

Martin: So that will take us to our ad break.

Jon, laughing: We don’t have ads. Even if we did, this isn’t live.

Martin: What I’m hearing is that you think we should sacrifice artistic integrity-

(Jon snorts)

-and the genuine flow of conversation, before, might I add, we’ve even done our first things, in order to participate in some, ah, distinctly non-sexual but still amorous activity?

Jon: I didn’t say that, but I’m not opposed to it either.

Martin. In that case, listeners, if you hear any sort of audio differences as I talk about my first thing, no you didn’t, why would you, because we’re definitely not going to take a 5 to 15 minute break right now.

[THERE IS A DISTINCT OUT OF BREATH QUALITY TO THEIR SPEECH AS THEY BEGIN DISCUSSING MARTIN��S FIRST THING]

#tma #jonmartin #post canon #jon sims #martin blackwood #this part inspired by someone saying imagine the red string brigade for this podcast #and the thought tickled me SO MUCH #wonderful! au

[spngeorg]

Episode 55: 3.11 Mystery Spot

Aah, the one where Doris the average human waitress kills Dean Winchester at least twice! A pig in a poke. Yet another mirror for Chuck's Process encapsulated in a single episode... A message appropriately delivered by God's own little messenger, Gabriel. Heck, there’s just too much in this episode to tidily sum it up in one little blurb paragraph, yes?

So many memes have come from this one little episode, too. Clowns or midgets? Yesterday was Tuesday, but today is Tuesday, too! Heat of the Moment (I still feel like checking the calendar every time I hear this song, just in case). Do these tacos taste funny to you? You mean we can’t even go out for breakfast? Sam Winchester cries his way through sex, etc. You think you’re being funny but you’re being really, really childish. Dingo ate my baby crazy. What do you want, a Pulitzer? 

I think my main takeaway is that the fandom lore states that Tuesday is Sam’s least favorite day after this, but I’m nominating Wednesday for Worst Day for him... that was the day he didn’t get a do-over for, you know? At least not until suffering through six months of Robo Sam hunting the Trickster in scary Travis Bickle fashion...

This week’s supplemental reading:

The Superwiki page for this episode

My tag for this episode

With a special focus on these posts:

s12 meta rewatch from April 2017

Lizbob’s thoughts on Dean’s role in this episode

s15 meta rewatch from October 2019

a small cabbage sums up why the series finale is so unsatisfying after reflecting on this episode and its message

since I mention it in the podcast, my Sam vs Reality tag

a brief homage to Doris

a brief visual demonstration of the color washing out of Sam’s world 

Listen now on AnchorFM, or wherever you enjoy podcasts!

#spn podcasts #spn 3.11 #spiders georg of the tnt loop

[interact-if]

Umm hi 👉👈 I realized that most of the asks you guys get are about games and rec lists. You guys deserve so much recognition for the work you put in this blog, so I wanted to ask if I can do a little get-to-know-the-mods thing? If that's okay!

1. Besides writing, what are your hobbies?

2. Do you have a niche interest right now?

3. Any fave songs/artists/bands?

4. Any fave movies/tv shows?

5. On a scale of 1-10, how likely would you survive in your wip's world?

You can totally ignore this if you guys want, no pressure. Anyway, much love to all the interact-if mods! You guys are incredible! ❤

We saw this ask and we went 👀 👀 👀 so we’re happy to answer! Thank you so much for the fun ask!

 We also rated our survivability in all of our collective games, since Mars isn't an author! Fun stuff! Spoilers, though: it’s really not looking so great for me (Dani) but that’s fine!!!  😌

1. I’m a photographer as well as a graphic artist (but not like. A painter/drawer kind of artist!) and, on a general level, a maker and a tinkerer!

2. Fountain pens! I only write with ink, and only with fountain pens, and I use bottled inks/converters!

3. I’m pretty eclectic with music, but my top genres are alt rock, indie, indie pop, etc, as well as top 40s and some rap.

4. I feel like this is the hardest one for me to answer? Favorite movies/shows? Avatar: the Last Airbender has been a favorite show of mine since I was a little kid, but I have a harder time thinking of shows I would call a favorite in recent years. There are shows I’ve liked, and a lot of shows I’ve watched. But I’m picky! And demanding! It takes a lot to earn a place in Dani’s Trophy Case of Favorites. 😌 I would say I quite liked A Quite Place (movie), and I liked Us (movie). When it comes to TV shows, I have a hard time being pleased with them if they don’t end well. As a result, I have a penchant for a good limited series/miniseries (because they’re stories that have an end in mind and the plot reflects that, dagnabbit).

5. Heh. Okay.

In The Goodfellows? I think I stand I chance. I can exercise my sparkling wit and lovable personality to the best effect. I’m gonna give myself an 8/10 survivability rating. Even if I don’t have the right skills, I can go crying to the person who does and they’ll save me. Maybe.

In Creatures’ Cradle? I’m super $**!%d. 😌 1/10 survivability rating. And that 1 is me being nice to myself. The day the apocalypse breaks out I would probably be patient 0. I am self-aware. I would not do well in an apocalypse. Zombies care not for aforementioned sparkling wit and lovable personality, and I have all the muscle of a boiled spaghetti noodle. So it’s a no go.

Greater Than Gods (Cruz): Well. I’m going to be optimistic. And say that I have the wisdom not to do things I shouldn’t do and not to rock boats I shouldn’t rock. I’m going to give myself a 7/10 based on insider information, but also based on reckless optimism!

Vardir (Cruz): Cruz says this is a lighthearted game, so 10/10 LOL.

When it Hungers (Roast): I’m giving myself a nice, mediocre 5/10. I think I could put my mind to work here; I joke that I’m the village idiot, but I’m actually pretty smart! Unfortunately, I’m also curious, and maybe a little bad with authorities who won’t answer my questions. So I knocked off a lot of points due to the fact that I’d probably poke the metaphorical bear. So it’s a real coin flip as to whether I’d really make it or not.

Orthall Bay (Nines): Considering the genre is “horror” and the game intro includes the words “monster” and “maim,” I’m giving myself a whooping, enthusiastic 3/10. Yes, folks, I am that confident in myself! Once again, I can’t charm the socks off a monster (or can I?), so one of my greatest weapons is snatched from beneath my feet. Alas!

1. Beloved I’m a college student in the middle of a pandemic... i can hardly even write LOL i do draw at times which u can see in my personal blog (nothing too good really) and i used to do karate before things went to shit <3

2. Nothing niche I believe? All I do is leave Netflix as bg noise every day n play popular videgames (genshin)

3. Porter Robinson <3 I love Bea Miller a lot as well but lately I’ve been feeling Porter a lot

4. The Good Place <3

5. My WIPs:

Greater than Gods: Highly situational, the world GtG is set in is as broad as the real world LOL so I don’t have an universal answer. But keeping it vague, and knowing my own personality, I feel like 5/10. depends on my luck.

Vardir: 10/10 no one dies in Vikgade, unless you’re a hunter but I wouldn’t be a hunter <3

Others’ WIPs

I'm gonna give myself a solid 5/10 in all other WIPs because y'all aren't writing lighthearted stories either. I feel like as long as I avoid the role of the MC I will be mostly fine. I hope. But as Dani said I'm also prone to fight the wrong person and dig my own grave so 😌

1. Well, writing is a very, very, very, distant hobby since Words Hard, but I like to crochet and sculpt a little! Anything to do with fiddling with my hands and I’m good to go. And like, debatable but graphic design is my passion [insert clown emoji here since Tumblr said No]

2. Oh yeah a bunch! DnD yelling at people, thinking of arson, crocheting, rock climbing and simply vibing. I got into podcasts a few years ago and I’m always looking for more recs, so if you have some, hmu 😤

3. Pls,,,,my music taste is,,,so weird do not let me expose myself with lack of consistency but uhh. Current songs that are stuck in my head include; Cult of Dionysus , Achilles Come Down and The Last Shanty  

4. If you’ve ever spoken to me before, I probably yelled about Pacific Rim to you or at you. Plus I love all The Mummy films and really enjoyed Castlevania (s3 excluded, we do not perceive that) as well! 

5. Ah, mod survival simulator pt. 3

Alright, let’s go!  I don’t have a WIP because again, words hard, but like, considering how feral I am when not tryna seem professional hm... 

The Goodfellows: I wanna say a solid 7/10 because I’d hardcore vibe with the Traveler and probably instigate so much nonsense. I can also bribe with blueberry cake so maybe. 

Creature’s Cradle: maybe a 4/10 and only because of pure spite keeping me alive long enough to smack someone. I’ve prepared for hypothetical  zombie apolcapyses and I won’t hesitate to bap, but will be bapped back because I’m weak as hell. 

Greater Than Gods: a toss up between 2/10 and 7/10! I can vibe and be chill but I also have terrible impulse control so... 

Vardir: hm....I think pretty good survival rates all around? If you ask me to fight then like, okay sure, your knees are mine. So maybe a 8/10? 

When it Hungers: .......8/10 just because I’d refuse to die if I can be a cool creature. Living for the aesthetic can and will drag me outta hell. But I’m also clumsy as hell so I’d probably crash as a porcelain or hold a rooster and perish (aka, real rating is a good 3/10) 

Orthall Bay: 2/10, nope. Nope I’d be taken out in a heartbeat. Monsters can go pspsps and I’d head straight into the dark creepy forest like a fool if someone comes @ me. Half the time I’ll just assume it’s sfx makeup and vibe until it’s too late. 

god, never put me in a universe where I cannot squawk like a bird and throw pebbles from a window. Oof

Anon, you're so sweet! I give you a forehead smoomch <333 As for your questions...

1. If I'm not writing, I'm usually watching video essays on Youtube. My go-to channels as of right now is Disrupt and Aperture! I just really like their videos. Aside from that, I recently got into podcasts. Currently going through Hello From The Hallowoods and Shelter and Warning, which are made by queer creators!

2. Oh oof, there's quite a bit so I'm just gonna put down one thing. For some reason, I really got into collecting tiny astronaut things? I recently bought this astronaut desk light, and I've got a package coming in for the miniatures I ordered. No purpose for them other than I think they're neat <3

3. I'm a bit private with my music taste (even tho I have Spotify connected on Discord lmao), but there's 5 songs that I'm currently obsessed with. I keep replaying them over and over again. Just squeezing all the serotonin I could get outta them.

4. I can't really say I have a fave TV show or movie because I can't really just pick one, but my current fave is 9-1-1 and Resident Alien. 9-1-1 because I just really love the found-family dynamics and how the show tackles sensitive topics, and Resident Alien because it's lighthearted comedy. My all-time fave movie is Flipped! I have the book too and I like rereading from time to time <3

5. You're in for a doozy, anon, because we're rating each other's games <333

The Goodfellows: 7/10

Listen. Shenanigans with the Traveler. I would get up to so many of them and that is what'll get me possibly bodied, not the actual environment itself <3

Greater than Gods: 7/10

I like to think I have enough common sense to uhhh not recklessly flip stones that should not be flipped <3 I'm a cautious and skeptic person irl so I think I'll hold up well? Then again, it's a vast environment change and while I can adapt pretty quick, I wouldn't like the lack of control in the unknown.

Vardir: 10/10

Going off what Cruz said, Vardir is lighthearted and focused on personal growth so I think I'll be okay! Self-growth here I come, babey!

Creatures' Cradle: 8/10

Maybe I'm overestimating myself, but I think I'll be able to survive in a supernatural post-apocalyptic world! Ah, but it depends on the motivation though. I like the idea of rebuilding communities and eventually societies, but the survival turmoil would be a constant battle I'd have to overcome. If we're talking survival itself though, I think I'll do well.

When it Hungers: 8/10

That's probably my wishful thinking but I think I'll be fine. Maybe. Possibly. Don't like the idea of being regulated by an organization so if I was a non-human creature that could pose a problem but I can roll with it <3

Orthall Bay: 6/10

Assuming I'm not playing as MC, my chances of survival uhhh changes quite drastically. Not enough to guarantee an untimely demise, but certainly enough that it would constantly keep me on my toes. I think that's the safest answer I can get without spoiling anything lmao

Thank you so much for asking! It's super sweet of you <3

1. Too many :'D I knit, I sew, I do carpentry (well, learning), I bake, I'm hammering away at HTML and CSS, my job kind of encourages learning new things and I take that to picking up new hobbies!

2. My time is kind of consumed with school work and work work and WIP work so not a lot of time to pursue niche interests right now. I've been watching a lot of horror game playthroughs, true crime youtubers, and an adorable show on Netflix called the Repair Shop <3

3. My taste in music is "what am I vibing with atm?" I've been listening to a lot of 80's music atm (don't @ me), but also Lo Fang and Kaleo, and whatever spotify recommends me on my discover weekly which is usually complete chaos.

4. I love the Mummy even though it hasn't aged 100% well (I'm a librarian, of course it's one of my gotos LOL), Legally Blonde, Leverage, Jumanji (the original), I'm....very bad at having recent tastes... and very bad at remembering my favorites when asked.

5.

The Goodfellows: I'm a creature of comfort, 5/10 if I can just luxuriate in town and not actually interact with the story sfjkdbsdkf

Creature’s Cradle: I'd like to think I have a 50/50 shot XD 5/10, I want to think I'd be decent at a zombie apocalypse but ultimately would suffer an early fate.

Greater Than Gods: 10/10 if I'm just vibing, less so if I'm involved in the actual story XD

Vardir: I'd still suffer without technology but I can also knit for a living in this world so I'm down 8/10

When it Hungers: I feel like I could vibe here, there's tech if dated, hot showers, telephones are around by now... might still get bored. 7/10 though it'd be cool to be another creature....I should make a 'what creature of snv are you' quiz!

Orthall Bay: 7/10 idk I feel like after the first monster of the week I'd just skip town XDDDD I'm the worst protagonist, I see danger I just leave.

#mod talk #long post #interact if: asks