#like... gosh what am i DOING here?

[liverpool-enjoyer]

.

#for the first time im genuinely considering changing my major #n by considering i mean 'rlly want to but know deep down i cant' #cause like... i have NO IDEA what else i would do #like not a damn clue #so its either my current career path (which i have reason to believe im genuinely not cut out for) or... idk nothing??? #well i'd hafta do something #but idk what #its jus that after a LOT of thought ive come to the conclusion that me being a nurse will do so much more harm than good for other ppl #i made the most careless mistake last week that cost me a rlly valuable clinical experience at a SUPER reputable hospital #im the only one in my class who made that mistake #the only one stupid enough #like... gosh what am i DOING here? #im literally the least qualified person to be a nurse #im cold #im standoffish #i HATE being around people #when i told my friends n family i was going to nursing school they were shocked n WHY SHOULDNT THEY HAVE BEEN? #when you think of a nurse you think a someone whos kind. whos reliable. whos hardworking... im not any a those things #n its not even me being self depracating its an honest to gosh fact #oh also my grades fuckin suck lmao #like i literally know for a fact i got lower grades than every single other nursing major last semester #plus i was never going into nursing to help ppl #i went into it so i could sleep at night knowing ive done a 'good thing' #so yeah #ive put myself on a career path im not in any way cut out for #n i cant quit cause i have literally no plan b!!! #yay #idk what i was made for but its not this

[marshmallowgoop]

no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)

#detective conan #case closed #amv #my amvs #eye strain #heiji hattori #harley hartwell #conan edogawa #shinichi kudo #funimation english dub script #video #happy two-year anniversary to 'no thoughts just heiji hattori'! #while it's not my first amv (it's maybe my... fifth?) #it was the first one i made with davinci resolve and the amv that really got me into editing amvs for real #it's the amv that made me believe i could make amvs 🥺 #and in remastering it i deeply understood how ambitious it was! i thought i did a lot of audio mixing for 'messed up' #but that's not even close to all the audio mixing i did here--cannot believe that i did all this for my first big amv project #it took about 20 hours *just* to remaster! #which is something i've been meaning to do for a while now so i'm very happy to finally share the results! #to make this a 'remaster' and not a 'redo' the only changes i tried to make were to the source footage and audio #video now uses almost entirely hd remastered footage from my blu-rays or netflix rather than my dvds #but oh gosh was it *hard* not to touch anything else! i'd do so many things differently now #but this video will always be really special to me (and i can't believe i did it at all tbh!) #i hope seeing it in hd is fun too! i'm so blown away by all the love this vid's gotten #and that it helped increase interest in funi's old english dub is amazing and 100% what i was trying to do with it! #thank you everyone for all the support <333 i wouldn't be the video editor i am today without this vid or your encouragement for it <3333 #like the original the sources used are mostly from what funi dubbed (but mixed in hd by me!): eps 48-49 57-58 77-78 117 and 118 and movie 3 #but i also used episodes 141-142 174 189 239 263 277 291 293 345 479 491 517 and 522 #and ova 3 and tv special 6 (episode one) and movies 10 and 13 and ops 27 31 and 33 and the funi 5.2 dvd blooper for the one line lol #i'm sorry i've been so absent lately! i hope to be more active now... and there are 2 completely done amvs that i'm just waiting to post...

[emilylprentiss]

jemily + work song by hozier

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #jemily #criminalmindsedit #jemilyedit #tvedit #tuserkei #userkayjay #usercats #userjean #cargopantsprentiss #cm gifs #i really dont remember who to tag for - im trying to remember who ive seen reblog my jemily stuff before fjdksf sorry?? #ALSO this took so long to do and GUESS WHAT i still dont really like it #i realized i didnt want colored text until it was Too Late so here we are #will i ever like anything i make?? probably not #im posting this at 6 am bc i dont care anymore gosh diddily DANG IT ill take the 10 notes and be happy I GUESS #*mine

[redvelvetwishtree]

What I've been asking for a while now!! You all love watching animes and reading and watching stuff with such themes but can't seem to understand it now that it's really happening.

Given how obsessed western media and Israel were with the "bUt h@m@s" narrative this time, it makes it plenty obvious that ham@s is no longer the t€rr0r1st body that Israel once empowered and enabled it to be. It's just people/freedom fighters wanting their land back after they've experienced decades of similar barbarity it appears.

And how anyone thinks Palestinian people will come out of the current massacre, mass murder and cruelty all chill and cool is beyond me. Do you seriously expect they won't want to avenge their loved ones after the stuff Israel did to their families??? The school year in Gaza had to be ended because all kids were DEAD. Entireeee family lines have been wiped out. Their hospitals, refugee camps, bakeries, schools everything has been turned to dust. Their internet and phones were cut off while aid was refused entry and all of this is stuff you can read without crying, and feeling sick I haven't listed the stomach turning shit yet.

Oh btw are you all still seriously believing that Israel is out there doing you a favour by t@rgEt1ng h@m@s? They're just killing and slaughtering and destroying so they can expand their colonized land later (this has been said by Israeli politicians and people). Also, they don't care about hostages from their country so before demanding their release from h@mas, talk to Israel.

And what happens when they're done getting rid of h@m@s which I know they're not doing that but still? Palestinians will thank them and carry on with their lives? What have you all been encouraging and celebrating Ukrainians for? Why doesn't that same logic apply here? You don't expect one ounce self-defence from Palestine later??? After alllll that was done?? Get your brain checked.

#i am so so done #all the pro israel axcounts that interacted with my posts recently are still using h@m@s and ant1 semiti$m #that's all they say nothing else #idk how blind and unaware one can be at this point #it really doesn't take any effort anymore to see what Israel is doing #they love usinf h@m@s in the news coz you all buy it readilu #just like how germany bought whatever h1tler #just like you all bought what bush and tony blair said about the iraq and afghan war #you all have no excuse given the abundance of evidemce out there #also how do you all propose Palestinians go on from here? #what has you stance been on Ukraine? #gosh i am so frustrated idk what to write to make people understand #palestine #free palestine #gaza #free gaza #gaza strip #middle east #israel #fuck israel #ukraine #russia

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!! #but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me. #and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just— #sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

[spirking-and-smirking]

Me when i remember im not a grown man

Me when i remember everyone sees me as a girl even my friends because they cant help it because even tho they except and love me nearly all of them (or atleast the cis ones) cant see past the fem appearance and they do the thing where they try to affirm me by saying "the right things" but it feels fake and awkward and i just want it to be real i just want to be real. and i get to the point where i cant even remember my own personality because im trying to please everyone.. but that's probably more autism related and idk why i would try to please everyone because

*stops because im not gonna allow myself to call myself an asshole bad person etc*

Anyway i hate self improvement wdym lucie you're not gonna call yourself bad names? congrats

🫠🫠🫠🫠😭😭😭

HOLY SHIT I REACHED TAG LIMIT IM BONKERS

#its bed time #i go sleep now 😕😕😕 #lucien talks #and sometimes i hate all my names because i can not be contained i can not be contained by a name but the name becomes your brand and every #one has there impression of you that they think of when your name is said #and the impressions people have of you cling to the name and they cling to the name and weigh it down until its a stranger #and i was not ment to be put in a body. not any body. im not saying i wanted to be amab im saying i dont want to have a body #and i do not hate my body. i just dont want one im not supposed to be here im not supposed to be here #and i do not hate my mind but i do not trust it and i wish i knew my soul because i think then i would be free and i would just be light #light.. like my names mean #i was ment to be light #im not supposed to be here #and i know i sound incoherent and insane but i was not made for this. there is more there is more there has to be more #please understand please tell me i dont sound insane please tell me.this is fine and i am fine and i am loved please #and please know that while i started this rant with something about gender it truly has everything to do with just being perceived and #truly not really about gender #that i can never explain me and noone can ever truly know me and there's no special telepathy #and you love me so tightly but we will be completely understood #and thats all anyone wants #that is all anyone wants #*you can love me so tightly #and i dont know why i feel so alone no matter how hard everyone tries to love me #these friends i know so well!! and love and they love me! but there will always be an aspect of superficiality #and it cant be helped #but gosh i love i love i love #and i love too much for this body #let me be light #and i dont want to be remembered for they what if they remember the body what if they remember the superficiality #what if they do not remember the light

[7goodangel]

Like other users here on Tumblr, I'm also blocking and reporting what seems to be bot accounts every day.

So just want to remind you that if you recently joined or have a main blog that's empty, please do something on that main blog that makes you look like a Tumblr user. It should help from being accidentally blocked and/or reported.

#7rambles #just... gosh had one blog that was just “hey i am here to look at art” and I was like “OK you chill!” #just... do something that is not just leaving defaults on since the bots are starting to do that too... #I have been watching the ebbs and flows of trends for bots over the last month and man each week they do a different tactic #like I can not really say what tactic they are doing now since by the time most people read this... #... they would already be onto the next tactic! #so yeah even if you do not use the main blog for anything except as a way to track your side blogs ... please do something with it #in the end - many might not hop onto your main blog to see if there are likes or follows that make sense... #...just a quick glance at the blog title header banner and icon

[kindledrose]

thinking about martyn inthelittlewood (<knows next to nothing abt martyn inthelittlewood)

#IT'S THE CRANE WIVES SONGS OK. i just know which songs are him-core because of cherrifgire's series yknow #also tumblr keeps recommending me beautiful art of him kissing men. like what am i supposed to do here #i know he had something Very Homoerotic going on with ren in 3l. and that cleo hated him in dl (?) and that he's a listener (??) #other than that uhh. yeah that's the extent of my actual knowledge about him #i keep getting him mixed up with joel though. gosh i need to watch some different life povs so badly #terra is rambling

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[themyscirah]

Can feel my brain chemicals bubbling as I think about Artemis

#shes been here for FOUR issues and i adore her already you dont understanddddd #also the ginger bit does NOT help lmao. i mean okay her ginger is one i headcanon into like a ginger/brown kind of mix that would maybe just #get more sunbleached and stuff as opposed to being like. traditional ginger etc #but IM ginger so it is one of the ingredients in making my brain bubble teehee. we're twinning fr. #i dont cosplay but i could be her. get me a wondy costume and ill do it ahdjahdhs #what am i saying. oh yeah i think shes neat : ) #paying off my pain at the first half of the messner loebs run by finally getting to the bit i care abt #anyways shes ticking a few of my special character boxes. some that havent been seen with dc comics for me yet. that being redheaded woman #with at least one of my major character flaws. #gosh what was i saying. i dont remember. anyways the art sucks and the writing isnt how i think most characters would behave at all #but by god does she compel me. <3333333 #blah

[confetti-critter]

The night is young and I am free to do whatever my heart desires but unfortunately I have once again found myself trapped in the Time Prison and so I

#the good old 'I don't feel like doing anything including doing nothing and I want to go to bed but I know I'm not tired' #WEH. #I'm enjoying typing but I don't want to commit to practicing typing for real so I'm just making excuses to type more #I was looking at custom ESC keycaps because I was thinking about that whole community of ppl obsessed with keyboards and like I get it I #like the clicky clacking and keyboards can look so pretty but some of those key caps man wtf. #why would you want 3D transparent donald duck ESC key from temu what is wrong with you #saw a set of key caps that were little kittys with little kitty ears n I was like fuuuuuuuuuck #49.00 USD probably 100000 CAD+shipping goto helllll #I was thinking about what if I had like confetti keycaps and a custom kittycake esc key or like an actual little cake and matching desk mat #or even just a new cute mousepad cuz mine is old as fuck and I spilled vegetable cream stew on it once #and then I was thinking like sighhh and wouldn't it be cool to have arcade carpet on the stairs leading down to my basement hovel and #rainbow lights along the ceiling corners and what if I painting my bedroom like I wanted to do and sighhhhh #I haven't been wasting my money buying shit like that but I'm thinking about it again. #but the same thing stopping me from doing anything at all is stopping me from wasting my money which like that's good I guess??????? #gosh I really like typing why did I stop doing daily typing practice #oh yea The Thing Stopping Me From Doing Anything At All #meow meowm meow meow meow #ok I really gotta tear myself away from my computer and brush my teethses and try going to bed #I already played minecraft earlier it's fine I didn't do NOTHING tonight it just feels like I did #and tomorrow is another day #and next week is a short work week thank fucking christ almighty #literally cuz its easter sunday and he was in that tomb but he escaped or whatever he did #thanks jeezy boy #you maybe shoulda milked it for like half a week at least #moved the big ass boulder like have an inch at a time #*pause for laughter* #that s from my new stand up comedy routine do uiuop like it djfskll;askjdgflksjdflksajdflksjdf the dsjalkjfolidasfgjoiweljsdalkjflskdjflak #meowww #I am the only one I know on here who 'talks' this fucking much about absolutely nothing #I do all this and my poor followers can click read more and spend time reading alllllll this garbage

[wayward-wren]

Classic Who explores ideas, New Who explores morals

classic who is like 'i see this trend, lets explore what might happen if that trend continues and let the audience figure out what it's talking about and come to their own conclusions.'

new who is like 'this trend is BAD and i'm going to PREACH A SPEECH about why it's going to RUIN EVERYTHING' and it's so much more exhausting

#wren rambles #doctor who #this brought on by me watching orphan 55 #which had SUCH a fun concept #and then absolutely FACEPLANTED with the doctor moralizing at the end #like yes doctor who has ALWAYS explored topical and political issues #but never is there a definitive I Am Telling You This Is Right message #whereas now I just had to sit here and watch 13 preaching at me? #ughghg #explore the idea but don't shove it down my throat #classic who had an episode (Ice Warriors) exploring climate change as one aspect of the story #talking about how all the plants were removed and that messed with the atmosphere etc. #but that was just a SMALL PART of the whole episode and it was never outright condemned (it was made clear it was BAD and the root problems #but that was never the BIG ISSUE the Doctor Lectured His Companions about) (not that victoria or jamie could do anything lol) #plus this feeds into my issues with 13's run (which started during 12's somewhat but less so) #where the Doctor is painted as the Narratively Right one #where when she says something that's what the narrative wants you to BELIEVE #which coming from Two and Three's run is WILD #because Two is chaotic and murderous when he thinks he's right #and he's manipulative and deceptive at times #and Three is selfish and pouty and rude #and don't get me wrong Thirteen has her issues and I lvoe them #HOWEVER. she's pretty much always RIGHT she's the Word Of God when it comes to moral things #and this more than anything is my biggest issues with Modern Who #mostly 12 and 13's eras #so i hope we move out of that somewhat in the new era but i'm not super holding up hopes (especially after star beast) #maybe one day i'll write a proper full article about it but GOSH #i don't watch this show to be preached at. I watch it for a fun/tragic scifi romp and also to see interesting ideas explored #and reflect the climate of the world and how society influences media #explore the idea of climate change turning the world into a post apocalypse! that's such a fun idea and topical!

[mythvoiced]

-. and some more about jiang cheng, he really just does... not win. like, i mean, sure it doesn't get worse i guess, because at the very least the story gets some kind of resolution, but the story is a resolution for wei wuxian, jiang cheng is and remains a secondary character.

he doesn't have villain to unmask and a mystery to solve and a love interest to finally get together with.

i'm not insinuating he needs any of those things, but he also doesn't really get a lot, unless my memory betrays me, other than being 'forced' to realize that his vengeance towards wei wuxian is misguided and misplaced - even though it's completely understandable that he'd feel this way towards him at all, considering, WELL, IYKYK.

he has a future to build, that is true, a nephew to perhaps raise a little gentler as the story goes on, but his prospects aren't as dreamy as, again, wei wuxian's. and maybe jiang cheng doesn't need all of that to be happy, or at least content, or start on a proper path of healing, but isn't it still relatively maddening for him that wei wuxian yet again seems to be simply... more deserving than he is?

sure, that'd be an odd thing to hold onto all the way from his teen years, especially considering what wei wuxian is put through, but things do stick with you, you know?

jiang cheng is by no means fragile, okay, but... he's a good man too, at the end of the day, at the bottom of his heart. doesn't he deserve a lil tenderness 🥺 a little winding down 🥺 a little no more having to fulfill expectations or live according to what is needed in an heir, in a brother, in a figure of authority 🥺

#the grudge;about #gosh i'm tipsy i don't know i'm just feeling a lot about him right now it's stupid #FOR SOMEONE TO PRIORITIZE HIM TO MAKE HIM THE MOST IMPORTANT #FOR HIM TO BE THE FIRST PERSON SOMEONE WANTS TO CHECK ON #TO BE SOMEONE'S 'FAVOURITE' OR 'FIRST CHOICE' IN ANY WAY--- #gosh he is killing me #i wanna add him officially to mythvoiced but i'm too numb to fill out an about doc lmao #i mean i'm still gonna do it bc that's life baby but i'm SOOO... BIG SIGH #LIDRGJKLSNGFG it's just a google docs page to throw some words onto at the end of the day like #talk about first world problems like god fucking dammit #i don't often get that thing of 'what am i even doing here' when it comes to dumblr #bc it's just... dumblr. it's silly ol' dumblr it's just rp it's just writing #there's no harm in it so what does it matter what i am doing here it's just for fun #it's a fun thing it's a lil hobby it's just a thing it's a thing #so it was weird when it hit me just now the 'what am i even doing here' #but maybe i'm having a bad night SO MORE JIANG CHENG THOUGHTS~

[sysig]

Striped (Patreon)

Bonus:

Obviously I bought it! The collar is Slightly odd with a stitch down the center, like a very shallow V Neck, and it’s quite big on me lol, but it’s very workable! And so soft, like you wouldn’t believe. Very comfy!

Also, pretty sure I’ve talked about this before, but here’s a refresher: I always pick up any Lalaloopsy from any second-hand shop I find them in, being out of production and so inexpensive and so cute - I’m a casual collector ♥ I never expect to see them, so I’m always so excited when they’re there! I actually managed to get three this time, not only with their original clothes, but also their shoes! (Why are they always missing their shoes?) And you’ll never guess which ones, what they were wearing:

It’s Rain E. and Storm E., with their black and white striped shirts!

We match <3 <3

#Doodles #Lalaloopsy #I've never seen so many striped articles of clothing in one place - let alone with so many Extra Details! #Way too complex for my simplistic character design lol I am but a humble cartoon #The skirt in the shirt section was truly the perfect comedic setup like - I literally couldn't make that up it's too silly! But it happened! #There were even a couple more striped shirts that didn't make the cut here! Mostly the long-sleeved ones #Like there was one that was Mostly striped but then had a?? red plaid jagged-cut collar/upper half?? Very confusing lol #The button accents on the shoulders were nonsensical but cute - I just like buttons #Obviously lol ♪ Gosh what a lucky shopping day that was! #I even found a tool to help with one of my side projects :D And got divine inspiration without having to purchase to unlock! Lol #Still haven't used the divine inspiration but I've got it so that's the important part lol #Also - I am still masking in public :0 It's not something I drew here because it's not as visible to me since it's on my face #So I just - forget lol #It's also not as expressive but that's mostly secondary to it just not registering lol #I mean heck I wear my rainbow bracelet literally every second of the day and how often do I remember to draw it on myself? #As clearly evidenced here lol and no that wasn't on purpose! I'm just a forgetful lol #Anyhow :3 Onto the grey dye next >:3c #I've been needing to stop by a fabric shop anyhow I've got Yet More Projects!

[foxgloveinspace]

oh my god you gave permission to send vids and i lasted all of 30 minutes before needing to send something 😂

BUT!!!

iv crying 🥺🥺🥺 the love for iii these last few shows has melted my heart and clearly the bands too

https://x.com/vesseltoken/status/1734391886901616999?s=46

i cannot suffer alone with this one i’m so sorry

Well, as I watch this and suffer. here, sleep token official instagrams account second to last pic…. Our boy AdamRosssi knows what we want, haha.

🥺🥺🥺

Oh no……

#just. one photo of vessels hand close up hahahaha. #hihi!!! #friend Exie!! #(your new tag❤️) #welp. you’ve fucked me up good is what you’ve done here. #(also I do not care how many asks you send me in a day ok. I mean I do think there is a limit #so like. if you hit that that might be uhhh. something haha. gosh I’ve never hit post limit before?? wow) #(oh like. tumblr has a limit on how much you can post in a day and I think there’s a limit on asks too. if you didn’t know #idk how long you’ve been on tumblr now that I think about it… I’m assuming a while cause I figure you used to be a trc blog but I am unsure #hahaha. I have a feeling we where/are in different sides of the trc fandom tho🤣🤣. if you didn’t know I uhhh… used to write Ronan x Gansey #fics😅😂. I have some ideas for future ones too maybe but we’ll see.) #so you def know about post limit and I just… over explained.. but now I can’t delete the tags cause they lead up to trc talk #I’m so glad the guys know we care about them. idk I’m not very emotional #these tags.. dang. the adhd fingers strike again. *blows off my fingers like they are old timey smoking guns*

[britneyshakespeare]

last night i started rereading david copperfield. i've read so much new literature this year, i wouldn't say im "burnt out" but i feel like im cycling through things so fast that i... i dont know. i dont feel like i get to have them melt into me as satisfyingly as they used to although that might also be a product of how i feel about my overall *life* right now, idk. deep stuff but anyway.

i havent read a novel in almost four years. i have been too ashamed to pick them back up and i left off in the middle of the professor by charlotte bronte, which i always felt ashamed for being unable to finish. someday ill reread the beginning and finish it, but yadda yadda yadda i hate that nagging feeling that i HAVE to do something. reading should not feel like a chore. which is also how ive felt about my reading plays at such a quick rate this year. not that its a CHORE, like im not enjoying it, but like it's a daily task im distracting myself with to get some temporary pleasure and im cycling from one to the next at an almost monotonous rate. i can't keep living in my imagination like this. hiding from the world and pouring myself into new ones.

i always figured id want to reread david copperfield someday, too. it's one of my three favorite novels ive ever read (not that ive read SO many novels, but still). i think of it often. and i dont think of it like it's a highly literary or intellectual novel. i think of it like an old sitcom or a newspaper strip. like a victorian peanuts or full house. i've never forgotten a bunch of the characters' catchphrases and i've continued to slip them into conversation with people who don't understand them just to overly-explain a joke that only i'm really going to find funny. because that IS the kind of person i am.

ive only read the first four chapters so far. i just cant wait to get to aunt betsey's place, to be honest. i didn't even think about this part... this is the first novel i'm reading since i became an aunt. i never had a character in the book i related to *too* much; i had certain things in common with dora and i loved her, but we weren't one and the same. but my niece is only two and a half months old and i already feel like oh yeah. oh yeah i'd take this little girl in after she ran away from her abusive boarding school. i'd provide for this girl. i'd raise her with my neurodivergent friend that i live with. i would do ANYTHING for her.

#tales from diana #diana rereads david copperfield #may as well make that a tag now #two reasons i thought to reread david copperfield now: #besides as i mentioned i wanted to re-enjoy an old favorite bc ive been cycling through new things so much im getting tired #1) i was going through my old tag from when i reread sense and sensibility like two months after i read it the first time #(after i already went through my tagged/david-copperfield and relived my posts i made from when i first read it) #and i was like gosh it's really been five years EXACTLY since i first read it #i started it in november 2018 and finished in january 2019 #wow. like wow #and 2) ive mentioned it on here before but i keep thinking about mr. dick's affinity with king charles i #how i understand what he means now when he said all of king charles' sorrows were poured into his head #when charles was beheaded in 1649 #yeah it really is one of my favorite little novels of all time. so much charm and so many ppl in it to love #i told dan when i read it the first time 'i laughed. i cried. i got thrown into debtors prison' #he liked that #also after i read david copperfield the first time i started calling him dan'el. like dan'el peggotty is called #i never stopped doing that lol. #dan doesn't understand that i contain all of mary queen of scots' sorrows but thats ok #i didnt even think about it before reading it but yeah i am absolutely going to be my niece's aunt betsey #your sister betsey trotwood who disappointed me on the night of your birth