#like they used q but ONLY q in tbh like they didn’t want to acknowledge he was in any show besides tng

[milfleeta]

picard s2 ended like three days ago and i’m just now remembering q is supposed to have a kid

#** #like they used q but ONLY q in tbh like they didn’t want to acknowledge he was in any show besides tng #odd choice bro

[mascwhump]

Chapter 22 - Site Bravo

NSFW. EXPLICIT.

CW: dubcon touching, noncon drugging, forced pill taking, needles, minor blood, manhandling, creepy/intimate whumper, and just straight up smut tbh

Tag list: @whatwasmyprevioususername @milk-carton-whump @whatwhumpcomments @mnmlover2002 @ashintheairlikesnow

-

A few hours passed before Charlie heard the door unlock. He tore his eyes away from the ceiling and let them drift toward the door. Basil's small frame slipped in, carrying three plastic bags.

"Basil? I was almost positive that you were dead," Charlie said as he sat up.

"N-No, I was just reassigned here," he replied, setting the bags down on the desk.

"Where is here?" Charlie asked.

"I can't say, I'm sorry. I have to go," Basil replied, quickly exiting the room.

Charlie scratched his head as he moved to inspect the bags. Inside one was a meal, another had a few essential items, and the last one had a set of clothes. Charlie ate the meal ravenously before organizing the rest of the items. Not long after, the door opened, and none other than Mallory entered the room.

"Where's my team?" Charlie demanded.

"Hello to you, too. They're just fine. In fact, they're in the rooms on either side of you," Mallory said, straightening his sleeves.

"Where are we?

"America. This is my new compound, provided to me by your lovely government. We're calling it Site Bravo," Mallory answered.

Charlie twisted back to face the desk, placing his elbows on it to rest his head. Mallory approached him and placed his hand on the back of his head, causing him to flinch.

"Don't worry, love. Things are how they should be again. Although, I will admit, it was fun seeing what it's like in your position for once."

"How did they even know where to find us?"

Mallory tapped on his collar. Charlie sighed heavily into his hands. He hadn't even considered the fact that there might be a tracker inside of it.

"I'm moving the majority of my operation here. It's a much more advanced facility, and that means our research should increase tenfold."

"And I'm assuming you plan to test your stupid fucking research on us indefinitely."

Mallory sat down on the edge of the bed.

"We're expanding our testing. Right now, we have Q-179, T-77, also known as the truth serum, and C-282, the control serum. There's two new ones in the works right now, and the next one should be finished by next week. I have some good news for you, though. They no longer expect me to eliminate you. They're happy allowing me to keep you as healthy test subjects."

"Is that still all I am to you, a test subject? What you've done to me- to us, is beyond what could possibly be needed for your tests. You're obsessed with me. I'm absolutely more to you than a fucking test subject."

"Do you really care that much about what I think of you? It sounds like you're the one obsessed with me."

Charlie put his head down. He sighed deeply against the cedar desk. Mallory was next to him again, running his fingers through Charlie's messy hair.

"Come on," he said quietly, "I've got a welcome back present for you and your friends."

Charlie's blood ran cold. He moved robotically, as if someone else was in control of his actions. He followed Mallory down the narrow hallway and out a set of doors. They entered a large empty room with high ceilings, about the size of a basketball court.

"This will eventually be an indoor shooting range, but for now, we'll use it for this," Mallory said.

Soon after, the others were filed into the room, only restrained mentally by the rifles the soldiers held. They stood in a line against one wall. Charlie brushed his hand against Ethan's to acknowledge him. Another solider entered the room, holding a plate of cookies. The team exchanged confused glances as they were each passed a cookie.

"A welcome back gift," Mallory said. He took a cookie himself, and that lowered their suspicions.

"This is pretty good," Adrian said, mouth full.

"I only hire competent cooks," Mallory said. He noticed Crow wasn't eating the cookie.

"Don't worry, they aren't poisoned or anything. See?" He said, taking another bite of his own.

Crow finally ate his, and once everyone had finished, someone they hadn't seen before entered the room, rolling a cart with drawers. He wore a black bandana on the bottom half of his face. He nodded to Mallory before quickly exiting the room.

"So, now that I have you all here, I have to ask- how did you find Charlie and I?" He asked.

"The metadata from the video you sent," Adrian spoke. His eyes went wide, and he began looking around frantically.

"Ah, I see," Mallory sighed, "Didn't think about that."

"Adrian, what the fuck?" Crow hissed at him in a hushed tone.

"I didn't say that!" Adrian yelled.

Charlie froze once he realized what was happening.

"You put truth serum in the cookies," he said.

"No, just one of them," Mallory replied.

"You bastard," Crow spat.

"Shut it," Mallory hissed.

Crow opened his mouth to speak again, but the way the color drained from his face indicated that he couldn't. Charlie and Mallory realized it at the same time.

"Oh, excellent. You got the control serum biscuit," Mallory said.

"No," Adrian growled. Crow moved toward Mallory, but stopped in his tracks when ordered to.

Mallory clicked his tongue as he smirked. His eyes darkened, and Charlie clenched his jaw.

"First off, Crow, not a word unless directed. You and you, restrain Rex and Adrian," Mallory ordered to his soldiers.

"It's Deke," he spat. One of the men forced his arms behind his back and secured them with handcuffs before kicking his legs. Deke snarled as he dropped to his knees, his dog tags clinking together. Adrian put up a fight, managing to land a punch to one of them before another stepped in and got him on the ground and in cuffs.

Mallory opened one of the drawers on the cart and pulled out a bottle of pills will no label.

"Crow, make Charlie take this," he ordered. Crow walked over to him, and Mallory dropped one of the beige tablets in his hand.

"What is it?" Charlie questioned.

"Don't know. Can't be good if it was in this drawer," Mallory replied.

Crow approached him slowly. Charlie's back was already pressed against the wall.

"I'm not taking it," Charlie said, speaking to Mallory, but looking at Crow.

"Too bad. Do anything to get it down his throat, Crow," Mallory said.

Crow tapped on his jaw, and Charlie shook his head. He gritted his teeth. Crow eyes were filled with sorrow as he gripped Charlie's jaw in an attempt to force it open. He turned his head away and tried to move, but Crow pinned him with one hand on his chest.

"Stop this! This is insane!" Deke yelled. He was met with a blow to his shoulder with the butt of a rifle.

"Maybe he'll open his mouth if you pinch his nose," Mallory suggested.

Charlie struggled and squeezed his eyes shut right as Crow gripped his nose, cutting off his air. He could only hold his breath for thirty seconds before his mouth dropped open. He gasped for air as Crow shoved the pill to the back of his mouth, then covered it with his hand. Charlie had no choice but to swallow.

"Well done," Mallory spoke, "It was just a vitamin, by the way."

"You motherfucker!" Charlie yelled, pushing past Crow.

"Grab him," Mallory said quickly. Crow took Charlie's arms and held them behind his back.

Adrian began struggling against the soldiers' hold.

"Get him out of here," Mallory hissed. They picked Adrian up and dragged him out of the room as he began to yell numerous threats.

"Such a waste. Oh, well. I didn't really have anything for him to confess to, anyway."

Charlie was attempting to rip his arms out of Crow's grasp. Mallory watched in amusement.

"This is ridiculous," Ethan spoke.

"Oh, really? Come here," Mallory responded.

"Don't fucking touch him," Charlie spat.

Ethan approached him slowly, and Charlie could see that his hands were shaking. Mallory pulled him toward him and whispered something in his ear. Ethan pulled back, eyes wide. Suddenly, Mallory reeled back his fist and hit him square in the face, knocking him down instantly. Deke and Charlie began to yell as Ethan hit the ground, blood escaping from his nose.

"Take him to the infirmary. Fuck it, get Rex out of here, too. I don't need any more distractions," Mallory said.

Deke kicked and threw himself at the soldiers, but stopped when the barrel of a rifle was in his face. They shoved him out the door before dragging Ethan out after him. The three of them were alone.

"Soon, you'll all learn that you're not going to get away with those kinds of things," Mallory said.

"Fuck you. What the fuck did you say to him?!" Charlie yelled, his hands balling into fists.

"Nothing. I suggest you shut up before you're met with the same fate."

"Do it, you coward!"

"Hm, no. That'd be too generous."

Mallory set his phone on the cart, open to the app that controlled the collar. He didn't press anything, and Charlie knew it was a warning. He stopped struggling, and Crow loosened his grip. Crow moved away when Mallory motioned for him to. Mallory gripped his shirt to pull him down, then whispered something.

"What's with all the secrecy?" Charlie questioned.

Crow turned and approached him slowly. His face was turning pink, and Charlie backed away until he hit the wall again.

Crow stopped directly in front of him and looked him in the eyes. Charlie gasped when he felt him rest his hand between his legs.

"Wh... what are you doing?" He breathed. He gripped Crow's arm as he started rubbing his hand against him.

"St-Stop," Charlie stammered. His heart was racing, and he could feel that Crow's was, too, from the pulse in his wrist.

"God, Charlie. You're such a whore. You're not even trying to make him stop," Mallory teased. Charlie broke out of his daze and moved Crow's hand away. Mallory laughed.

"What, you don't like him touching you like that?"

"No... I-I mean, not while he's... not acting on his own free will," Charlie said.

"I've read the rest of his journal. Trust me, he wants to. Go on, Crow."

He moved his hand back, despite Charlie's hold on his wrist. Charlie slowly released his grip as he rubbed him and moved his hand slowly up his tatted arm. He hadn't realized that his eyes were closed until he felt Crow's other hand tangle in his hair. He could feel his blush as he began to get hard, and found himself pushing against Crow's hand.

Crow suddenly tensed, and Charlie opened his eyes to see Mallory had stuck a syringe in his neck.

"What the fu-"

"Shh. It's just a reversal," Mallory said.

After thirty seconds or so, Crow relaxed.

"Come on," Mallory said.

They followed him out of the room. Charlie felt the hairs on his neck and arms stand up. They ended up at his room. Mallory opened the door, motioned for them to go inside, and shut the door. They stood awkwardly as they listened to Mallory walk down the hallway.

"Um, hi," Crow finally spoke.

"Hi," Charlie laughed.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay."

"So-"

Charlie gripped the front of his shirt and pulled him down to him.

"Charlie?"

He reached for Crow's hand without breaking his gaze. He slowly moved it back between his legs as he bit his lip. Crow leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Charlie wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He kissed him again, this time with more force.

Crow picked up him, and Charlie wrapped his legs around his hips. They grinded into each other as their kisses became sloppier; their tongues becoming entangled. Charlie moaned softly as he ran his fingers through Crow's hair. Crow pulled away and started kissing along his jaw.

"Wish this fucking collar wasn't on," he growled.

Like magic, the collar popped open. Charlie pulled it from his neck and tossed it away.

"Room's fucking bugged," Crow said.

"I don't care," Charlie breathed.

Crow kissed his neck and bit it gently. Charlie leaned his head back against the wall as small moans escaped his lips.

Crow moved him over to the bed, and continued to kiss his neck as he lied him down.

"Fuck me," Charlie moaned.

Crow straightened up and slid his pants from his hips. He gripped the top of Charlie's shorts and pulled them off, along with his boxers, in one movement.

"There's... there's lube on the desk," Charlie said, "I don't know why, but it's there."

Crow swiped the bottle from the desktop and flipped open the top. Charlie watched in a daze as he let it drip down onto his cock. He put a bit on his fingers and rubbed them over his hole.

"Fuck," Charlie breathed.

Crow leaned over him and guided himself in with one hand. They moaned in unison as he entered, and Charlie pulled him down to kiss him again.

Crow rocked his hips slowly at first, steadily increasing in pace. Charlie gripped his own cock and stroked himself

"You're so fucking tight," Crow murmured in his ear.

"Ah... don't, hhh, fuck, don't stop," Charlie moaned.

He hated how close he was already. He wanted this to last forever. Crow left love bites along his neck as he traced his fingers beneath Charlie's shirt, eventually pulling it over his head.

"I’m close,” Crow breathed. He gripped onto his hips, allowing him to go deeper.

“Fuck!” Charlie cried out as he came, lines of cum landing on his abs. A few seconds more, and Crow pulled out, stroking himself until he finished on Charlie’s chest.

They were both breathing heavily. Charlie grinned ear to ear as he pulled Crow down to kiss him again.

“I should shower,” he murmured against his lips.

“Can I join?” Crow asked.

“Yes,” Charlie giggled.

Charlie stepped in first and rinsed off. They took turns lathering up with soap, and kissed in between.

“Are we telling anyone about this?” Charlie asked.

“Fuck no. We’ll never hear the end of it,” Crow said. Charlie laughed as he shut off the water and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. He left the bathroom to retrieve their clothes, and jumped when he noticed Mallory sitting at the desk. He quickly picked up Crow’s clothes and threw them to him in the bathroom.

“Have fun?” Mallory asked.

Charlie ducked down behind the bed to slip on his clothes, only popping back up when dressed. Crow stepped out of the bathroom and folded his arms.

“Why are you here?” He questioned.

“To take you back to your room,” Mallory replied.

As they left, Crow looked over his shoulder and smiled at Charlie. Charlie returned it. He lied down on the bed, and let out a content sigh. Mallory was back a minute later, and picked up the collar from the floor.

“Sit up,” he ordered. Charlie sat up, and Mallory took note of the hickeys on his neck before snapping the collar back on. He looked annoyed, but Charlie didn’t care.

“I’m surprised you allowed us to do that,” he said as Mallory turned to leave.

“I have my reasons,” he said, walking out the door.

Charlie lied back down and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes, and for once, he was able to have a refreshing nap.

#whump #nsfwhump #dubcon tw #easton’s unnamed story #oc #whump oc #whump story #nsfk #slash #Basil returns #creepy whumper

[sparklingpax]

Hmmmm... Starscream, and Leonardo!

Hi!!! Yes!! I can definitely do these two <3 And aaaa sorry I left this tab open and forgot about it >///<

///

Starscream (I'm assuming from TFP?)

First impression: (Given that I was like, 5 or 6 when I saw TFP, cut me a little slack on the simplicity of this jdsjsdsdj) "The King of being Sly" and also "sharp claws, sharp claws, so COOL!! OWO" Interestingly enough, I had no particular feelings for him as in 'hating' or 'liking' his character, I just liked his claws and the Way he moved and talked :3 So.....well, I guess contradicting myself two seconds ago that would classify as: I liked him when I saw him, and also acknowledged fully that he was So Evil but that was ok >:)

Impression now: PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS BEFORE EXCEPT NOW I LOVE HIM AS ONE OF MY FAVORITES OF THE SHOW AJSDJSDKFSj Starscream hhh 💖 Also I still adore his claws and figure <3

Favorite moment: Oof, there are many to choose from....

THE HIP THRUST DANCE THING FROM PATCH BECAUSE WHO DOESNT LOVE THAT MOMENTS SDHSDJ

Every time he used his claw fingers as weapons of some kind

Every single time he did that epic thing where he jumped off a surface and near the ground, transformed, and bolted straight back up into the sky, leaving a clean, perfect trail of smoke...AHHHH

The Entirety of the episode "Thirst" because Starscream (and KO) and their dynamic was just *chef's kiss* 💝

Idea for a story: I know these have been written before but like. Any kind of scenario where Starscream gets to enjoy some recreational activity, maybe where he just goes on a nice, long flight on a clear, sunny day--maybe even goes to another country...just flies around in peace, stops and sits on a rock somewhere and watches a city of people down below, contemplating life.........sure, he reminds himself how easy it would be to go down there and destroy everything because he is more powerful than those puny humans could ever be!! And yet.....he just sits there and watches those people walk around and live their lives, intrigued for even just a little--after all, Lord Megatron didn't give him orders to destroy that city, now did he?

........SORRY ITS CHEESY, maybe even slightly ooc, but jsJSDH o///o I want Scream to be happy :3

Unpopular opinion: Probably not unpopular, but I've seen some people say that Starscream's character was inconsistent and written badly,,,,and I,,,,,disagree so fully with that???

But that's kind of it, and I don't think that many people think that, so.....I'll leave it at that--

Favorite relationship: Hmm......Starscream and Knockout dont come for me please I said this already but they have the perfect dynamic AA

Favorite headcanon: As you can tell by my story idea, that Starscream has recreational activities he tries to do when he can, and that they include Just Flying Around in Peace amongst other things (idk where I saw that one but I did see it somewhere and I love it ok--)

///

In conclusion, Starscream q///q 🥺💗💖💕✨

///

Leonardo (TMNT 2012)

First impression: OK so my first episode of TMNT 2012 was actually the last five minutes of "The Enemy of My Enemy" because I was just flipping through channels (and I was a third grader :D). I got that bit where he and Mikey were talking and Mikey was like "It's like when I found out that Leprechauns aren't real," to which Leo just stares at him and says, "You didn't know they're not real?!" (as Raph and Donnie sign frantically for him not to say that) and instantly, Mikey looks horrified: "LEPRECHAUNS AREN'T REAL???"

You might be asking why this is at all significant for my first impression of him....well I decided right then and there that Leo was a Dork and I liked him a lot.

To this day, I can't make sense of this or why that one scene there made me think that, but well, I can't figure myself out anyway lmfao--

So long story short: I liked Leo on sight, and maybe three or four episodes later, I cemented that opinion for sure in my mind, and also found him highkey attractive o///o 💙 In fact, he was my favorite for a short period of time ^w^

Impression now: LEO MY BELOVED 🥺🥰💕

He's officially my second favorite now!! I stil think he's adorable, but like adorkable kind of cute ;w; BUT I also see him as a great leader, a good character with meaningful development. He remained attractive to me and I've always thought he was cool.

TMNT 2012 WAS SO GOOD AAAA I LOVE ALL FOUR OF THEM TBH >w<

Also he was and still is the definition to me of That Friend everyone calls responsible who Is Kind Of but sometimes you find that friend trying to eat three hotdogs at once and reconsider that and I Know this makes no sense but I stand with this idea lmfao

Favorite moment: BATTLE WITH SHREDDER IN TE SEASON 2 FINALE (which had a sad ending and it makes me sad every time I watch it but also GO LEO GO, SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF)

-"Imagine if they knew who they were working for!!" *proceeds to Kraang Impression accurately* "..." and then he just laughs nervously and they return to planning an infiltration to TCRI

-LEO FANBOYING OVER SPACE HEROES WAS ALWAYS THE CUTEST qwq 🥺💙💙✨

-and many other because there are 6 seasons and I'm forgetting a lot of moments I'll be sad later I didn't remember at first--

Idea for a story: Hmmm.......Leo attending a Comic Convention and disguising himself as a human, because that would be funny but also lowkey cute >w< And!! It would be just him....idk, but it feels like something fun and that would result in him being a Happy Turtle~

:))

Unpopular opinion: Um...........I didn't love those outfits/battle armor/whatever those were that he (or the other turtles tbh) had for both the forest thing in season 3 and then the black ones they had for the end of season 5; like it was only in a few scenes and it wasn't awful by any means but.....eh......

Favorite relationship: His dynamic with Master Splinter as the eldest and most responsible son, and then the dynamics with his brothers, especially with Raph because they fought a lot, but by the end of the series, they kind of saw eye to eye most of the time....that was just so well-written imo, I enjoyed it :D

Favorite headcanon: Ok, at the moment I can't recall one I've seen, so I'll just tell you one of mine: Leo actually likes onsies (those pj things) and owns a few because they're comfy and kinda cute :D but he's kind of embarrassed of this because he just knows his brothers will never let him hear the end of it if they were to find out, especially Raph--

///

Thanks so much for the ask!! :)

#kuni talks #kuni answers #asks #things #Nice things #character asks #ask game #:3 #:)) #Tfp #transformers prime #starscream #tfp starscream #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #leo #Leonardo #tmnt 2012 leo #For fun #<3

[skania]

I haven't watched the new Evangelion movie (and don't have plans to) but they really didn't do anything with Rei?? She was one of the most iconic characters of the show, and I appreciated her and Shinji's dynamic (shipped them only tbh). I'm massively disappointed. So she and Shinji barely interacted?? :(

Oh anon, where do I even begin! The thing is that, after the ridiculous amount of focus she (and Shinji) got in 1.0 and 2.0, and the effect she continued to have on his character on 3.0, you’d think we’d get some sort of acknowledgement of this and closure on 3.0 + 1.0. It seemed logical, like the very least Anno had to deliver for the narrative to come full circle and feel wrapped up.

Alas, going by the (confirmed) leaked script and the impressions I’ve read, Anno really doesn’t know what to do with Rei once she develops and it shows lol

HUGE SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE AND ITS ENDING BELOW THE CUT!

Basically, all of Rei’s meaningful screen-time goes to Rei Q, who despite whatever 3.0 set up... does kind of end up being Rei III. This would have been fine and dandy, except that Rei Q is still used as a tragic tear-jerker and literally bursts right before Shinji’s eyes after confessing to him. I kid you not.

This confession is, by the way, seemingly never acknowledged in the movie. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that Rei II herself and her arc with Shinji are hardly acknowledged. To the point that Rei II and Shinji reunite in Unit 01 and... there seems to be nothing emotional about it. Rei just apologizes that she couldn’t make it so he wouldn’t need to pilot again and Shinji thanks her and tells her that he’s ready to take it from there. Rei smiles and lets him take the reins and that’s it. Apparently. Because we can’t have nice things and, you’re telling me Shinji spent two movies bonding with this girl? Literally almost ended the world to save this girl? He had a mental breakdown over the fact that at the end, he didn’t actually get to save this girl? And now he’s finally reuniting with her and finding out that yes, he DID save her soul? Nope, none of that matters anymore because Shinji’s had Character Development and nothing phases him anymore. Plus he has to go fight his dad.

Hilariously enough, it seems that 3.0 also gets retconned. After everyone and their mother blamed Shinji for saving Rei in 2.0 and starting an impact, now it seems that Misato herself acknowledges that Shinji did the right thing and that they all would be dead if he hadn’t saved Rei. HILARIOUS.

Then we get another pseudo instrumentality scene, which is of course led by Shinji and Rei but by this point it honestly feels more like they’re just using Rei as a plot-device rather than anything. She has long, fluffy hair and looks utterly adorable though, so I guess that’s something?

Then by the end Shinji acknowledges that he liked Asuka at one point but tells her goodbye (she’s moved on and the movie ships her with Kensuke), then he tells goodbye to Kaworu (after comparing him to his dad) and Rei is the last person he parts ways with... which I guess has the potential to be very touching depending on how they handle the scene, but I have seen no one dwell on it yet so I’m assuming it isn’t actually that touching. He explains to her what kind of world he wants to create, apparently encourages her to live for herself, Rei accepts this with a smile and goes on.

And - get ready for this - Shinji ends up with MARI.

With MARI. In what is obviously simply Anno trolling the fanbase (and particularly, us shippers) because he can. In either case, it seems that Adult Shinji sees a slightly grown-up AU Rei with AU Kaworu in the Eva-less AU he creates and where’s he’s gone to live off his happy ending with Mari.

Anno making up things as he goes, not knowing how to handle his own emotions and changing everything at a whim at the slightest mood swing is literally the Eva curse and Rebuild is the very embodiment of this.

This man had NO idea what to do with Rei after 2.0 and it shows. The fact that he couldn’t even give her character arc a fitting send off and instead just literally recreated it with Rei Q before exploding her to bring back God Rei as a plot device is so bad that it’s almost comical.

#fandom: eva #I'll still like Rei's scenes because I love her #but consistency and coherency? there is none #anons #asks

[trepidatious]

(   natalia  dyer  &  alexandra daddario   )   bopping  along  to  vanilla twilight  by  owl city  is  vienna schuyler  ,  the  twenty-one  year  old  cisfemale  thrown  back  to  their  sports journalism  days  with  none  of  her  memories  .  voted  most  likely  to  break  into  area  51  ,  vienna  was  known  for  being  passionate  &  bashful  ,  go  figures  you’d  always  find  them  on  the  ice  rink  ,  but  grew  up  to  be  tranquil  &  withdrawn  .   ✎   kaya  ,  22  ,  she/her  ,  pst  . 

P A R A L L E L S

mia thermapolis ( princess diaries ) , hyuuga hinata ( naruto ) , casey carlyle ( ice princess ) , amy antsler ( booksmart ) , nadine franklin ( the edge of seventeen )

T R O P E S

shrinking violet , grew a spine , adorkable , homeschooled kid , geek , she is all grown up , extreme doormat , the confidant , eyes always averted , nice girl , shy finger twiddling

1 9 8 8 - 2 0 1 0

          born in albany, new york to philip and danielle schuyler, the schuyler twins had been the center of their parents’ world from the moment they took their very first breath. they never had to want for anything and their childhood was often spent in upstate new york, visiting a family cabin during the holidays. it was those winter adventures that inspired vienna to pick up her first pair of skates, wanting to join the teens who’d she see skating across a frozen lake. at first she stumbled through, barely being able to keep herself upright, but by the end of the holidays she had mastered how to glide across the frozen landscape. after that it was only a matter of time before she started begging for lessons which inevitably lead to small competitions and private coaching.

          after developing a familiar routine on and off the ice, her parents getting transferred to bellevue, washington caused the schuyler family to move across the country and a seed of doubt to be placed in vienna’s head. while at first apprehensive that her ice skating career would never get to see the light of day, her nerves were quick to dissipate once she joined a local rink and continued her budding career as a skater. homeschooled so she could have time for her private coaching, vienna never got to socialize with others her age, often sticking to the sidelines and offering shy smiles to her fellow competitors. instead her downtime was spent alone, although sometimes in the company of her twin, as she binged movie franchises from star wars to lord of the rings.

             by the time she was a freshmen in high school, most of her summers were spent in san diego for a weekend, attending comic con whenever the dates didn’t coincide with her skating life. socially inept with no skills other than skating, vienna’s parents made it a point for her to attend a university like them, not believing that their daughter’s skating career would be enough to keep her afloat despite the success of her international junior career. vienna found herself reluctantly agreeing, being too timid to argue and chose to join rvu knowing her old coach from new york had moved down to california.

            a wallflower entering university, attempting to make friends and being in a school setting had felt like a rug being pulled right from under her. in her classes she was hardly acknowledged, only having her presence known whenever she was paired up for a group project. without the private tutor she was used to having her whole life, class settings were often spent with her lost in thought, filling her mind with daydreams of the future and random thoughts about whatever film she had watched the night prior. even when confronted outside of class, she’d often have a soft tone with whoever she was talking to, her eyes cast down as if she was only a few minutes away from stuttering. when you did notice her, it wasn’t uncommon to find a beginning of a blush forming on her face, a nervous smile becoming her default expression whenever interacting with someone.

            stretched thin with her studies and unable to qualify for the 2009 u.s. nationals championship, it was common knowledge within the skating community that vienna would still continue training during the current cycle of competitions instead of participating. skipping most of the major international competitions, she instead put her energy and skills into having a set of polished routines ready for the 2011 circuit. but with her degree being in sports broadcasting, espn had invited her to be a co-commentator for the 2009 world championships held in los angeles. with the conversation being about a topic she knew like the back of her hand, her commentary came fluidly and her usually bashful nature was nowhere to be seen as she observed the performances before her. with that attempt successful, it was no surprise that she was invited to vancouver to once again commentate on the competition.

2 0 1 0 - 2 0 2 0

            graduating from rom valley university in 2010, she became a paid intern at espn, attending different competitions whenever she wasn’t competing in them. the internship only lasted a year, with her putting her broadcast career on pause to focus full-time on the 2014 olympic circuit. the next few years passed by in a breeze with her getting silver at the 2013 u.s. nationals and sixth place in the world championship, earning the united states a third spot in the olympics. during the 2014 u.s. championships, vienna placed first in the short and free programs, winning the national title and securing a spot on the u.s. olympic team. the rest of her career followed similarly, with her once again competing and placing in world’s as well as winning a bronze team medal in the 2018 olympics.

            before the throwback to 2010 happened, vienna had taken another pause in her competitive career, having suffered a stress fracture that put her out of commission. however, as a now internationally decorated medalist, she found herself returning to her broadcast roots, once again commentating at the different competitions and being interviewed on numerous talk shows. throughout her years post-graduation, she had kept in touch with a few people but for the most has kept to herself, preferring her own company over any amount of people. now able to turn on her charisma in situations non-related to skating, she had found herself content with where she was in life, with her days of smiling bashfully at the ground long gone, instead being replaced with confidence.

Q U I C K  F A C T S

unfortunately she’s one of the few who DOES NOT remember anything after 2010

all the self-growth and confidence she developed post-graduation??? long gone and home girl doesn’t even realize it sdfghj

definitely still a bashful mess who is avoiding eye contact whenever possible but hey, she’s definitely approachable and currently lacks the ability to be rude to anyone

doesn’t realize the whole marvel cinematic universe becomes as big and major as it is now so if anyone spoils anything she’d either think they’re an oracle of sorts or a secret writer for the mcu

she’s the biggest nerd and fan girl like i saw a few actors/oscar winners on the taken list and if any of your muses were a part of a marvel, lord of the rings, star wars, etc ( if it was at comic con then consider her a fan tbh ) she would have lost her shit being like “i went to school with this person omg” or “my friend is the scarlet witch!!!”

knows random facts about the stars and outer space and probably used to tweet at nasa a lot

her favorite barbie movie is the rapunzel one solely bc homegirl is staring and singing about the stars sdfghjk

probably asked her acting friends to be an extra in whatever movie they’re in

she says it as a joke but one of those “ get me in the movie. jk.... unless ????”

believes aliens are real and probably talked about it in 2010 and in 2020

like her theories about area 51??? and the government???? she could talk about them for days tbh

avoids drugs like the plague. will not even be anywhere where there’s weed smoke bc she’s scared it’ll pop up on her drug test bc she’s a paranoid dumb lil bean

probably doesn’t really drink that often but when she does it’s tito’s vodka

big nerd who speaks sindarin, can read aurebesh, and can somewhat speak togruta despite the limited amount of words that are known

named after the billy joel song and proud of it

ANYWAYS PLS PLOT WITH ME !!!!! my discord is medieval 4loko gang#5402 but feel free to hmu on here <3

i have a stats page here and wc page here !!!

but also come check out her pinterest board here

#again:intro #honestly?? i hate this #but what can u do dfghjk

[pvssipower]

( naomi scott, 20, she/her ) class is in session for DREW MONROE. the student file says they’re a VAMPIRE belonging to house FLARION and currently a TENTH year. we see here they are UNDISCIPLINED and DESTRUCTIVE, but they’re also PERCEPTIVE and STRAIGHTFORWARD. we wish them good luck in the new school year, where they’ll learn POTIONS/ALCHEMY AND TRANSFIGURATION.

background ( tw for death, murder, kidnapping, cults, dissociative identity disorder. )

joseph and rebekah monroe met in arcanas and even were some of the school’s sweethearts. they graduated, got married, achieved a bunch of prestige and money both in the magical world as well as the human and had a beautiful daughter which they named: DREW. 

except-- all of this is true, up to the part where they had her. 

for what is worth. drew thinks she was born into this family, but she doesn’t know the reality that when she was a child-- the people who claimed to be her parents actually murdered her biological one and kidnapped her to raise and shape her as their own. 

[ this was literally done out of spite in some bigger plot the monroes had against drew’s bio fam, don’t fucking @ me ] 

being raised by the monroes wasn’t the best-- while they gave her what she needed. they were really strict and cold. it didn’t help that growing up drew was prone to outbursts ( that sometimes would end up in setting things on fire ) and was rather rebellious and mischiveous from a young age. there was no way for drew to know what was real and what was not, she was raised as a vampire and a monroe. arcanas was never in the picture as they decided to homeschool her, she didn’t even know about the school’s existence until she was around 13 when her parents put their bigger plan in motion. 

they left her alone for days and when they came back... they were worse than before. in their little time away they had turned off their humanity and done fuck knows what with a bunch of other alumni/followers. the first thirteen years of drew’s life-- from the moment she was kidnapped to the way she was raised and kept in the dark about everything else-- was the first step. now the second step would commence; she’d get introduced to the life they wanted for her. to the cult ( because lbr, they were a cult ) they had built over the years. and when she was old enough, the third step would be done: kill her to stop the aging and force her to shut down her humanity. 

so how does the school come in? 

WELL, someone had already tipped in that the monroes were fucking crazy. so one night, they came in to try and retrieve the child to bring her in to a safe haven. of course, dear ol’ joseph and rebekah didn’t go down without a fight. ( second set of parents killed in front of her salad, let’s go ) haha.. jk... unless. 

shout big fucking out for jude montague who protected her through this rough night and pulled the 13 year old kid from getting caught in the crossfire that was the monroes vs arcanas. it was him who brought her in and walked her through her first arcanas breaths.  mind you, drew was hella shook, especially as once she arrived in the middle of the third year-- news have spread like wildfire.  the girl with the parents that went cucko. that made choices on their own. they were evil-- and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, did it? it didn’t help that because of the sudden change, drew kept mostly to herself... surely, this didn’t last for too long. 

personality: 

an opportunist. really, she noticed how much shit was smeared all over her name she said ‘gotta use this for something.’ the chaotic bitch that somehow doesn’t always get suspended.. or arrested. down with anything. will randomly burst in your room at 3am. party hard. probably tells first graders to grab another bus for the lols. ( it only actually happened once, okay? the rest are rumors. ) a bit of a fuckgirl, listen-- idk what happened here. i said you’re gay, and she said okay, but i’m also this. speaking of: she’s rather friendly even if there are people who still think she’s a blood thirsty ( haha irony ) psycho who will snap at any moment. she has friends, for the most part, either because they noticed she wasn’t as bad, were too naive to notice, or wanted to see her snap. by the way, surprisingly, she’s not really into throwing hands and tries to ignore or walk away instead. BUT. 

that brings us to.... 

headcanons: 

i did say people started noticing she wasn’t some psycho... haha, well, the opinions are still mixed. and certain incident didn’t help her care, at all. three years ago, she was at a party when some bitch from lumina that liked to shade her was too much and drew killed her...... sike. okay, she didn’t, but she did plummet her down  in a totally not sexy way, and wouldn’t have stopped if some of her friends hadn’t pulled her away.  to the surprise and dismay to some, she didn’t get expelled. but the stigma came back again. like i’ve mentioned, it happened three years ago-- we don’t like to talk about that. especially because... drew doesn’t remember.  she would’ve thought this was the alcohol, but this hasn’t been the only time it’s happened. while it’s not always-- she seems to forget pieces of time, and it’s been freaking her out. it also doesn’t help that she’s slowly starting to become paranoid because of this. but in this house we don’t acknowledge stuff so haha guess she’s ignoring that shit :))) 

in a few words to that one: i’m going for some dr. jekyll/mr. hyde kind of thing here. 

while her name is drew, and i have been refering to her as that so far-- she’s mostly known as MONROE and gets called by that. ( to the point that if she gets drew she might go ??’?¿¿¿?¿’¿ who -- unless you’re special. ) do people even know her name is drew??? we just don’t know.. 

someone: who the fuck is drew? drew: some bitch, idk. 

because, lo and behold, she has a nickname, surprise, surprise. some other incident ( yeah, this bitch has many ) and that’s no other than PIG SHITTER. it started because of some story about pigs and her making a typo. so yeah, pig shitter somehow stuck and hey, guess what? she got on the fucking train. opportunist. 

TLDR: chaotic neutral vamp/fire hoe with a side of mr. hyde.  goes by monroe or pig shitter to 99% of the school population. some people think she’s bad kind of crazy, some others good kind. really good at potions and transfiguration tbh. has probably never had good romantic relationship yeet. 

how did your muse become their species? were they born or made?

- she was born.

at what age did your muse join arcanas?

- recruited at 13. 

was your muse recruited or did they enroll on their own accord?

- recruited.  what would your muse do if they found out that the zanzara orb was stolen from the armory?

- become the “.....anyway” meme. 

I PROMISE THIS INTRO WILL FINISH. 

like this post if you want to plot with this bitch. we can go from 0 to 10 real quick. 

-the lumina bitch she plummeted down in a totally non sexy way.  -flings pls. ( i do want the homoerotic sexual tension. fight me. ) -S Q U A D. - enemies. -frienemies.  -someone she got lost with in a pig farm. idk.  -this is my crack character anything goes. 

#arcanas:intro #intro #about

[metalbatandzenko]

All of them. All the questions.

oof

1. Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I have sliding doors on my closet so it’s one open one closed.

2. Do You Have Freckles?

Nope!

3. Can You Whistle?

Nope (:

4. Last Song You Listened To.

I...don’t remember lmao, I think it was 6 Inch by Beyonce

5. What Is Your Favorite Color?

I don’t know if I have one tbh.

6. Relationship Status.

Currently juggling seven reply guys bc rona has everyone acting out of line, but single.

7. What Is The Temperature Right Now?

46º

8. Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Yes sdkjfhdlkf

9. How Many Followers?

215.

10. Zodiac Sign.

Aries/Aries/Cancer.

11. What Is Your Eye Color?

Brown.

12. Take A Vitamin Daily?

No.

13. Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yes, usually it’s Mitski or songs from musicals because you know. Former theater kid.

14. What Books Are You Reading?

The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch.

15. Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“As in earlier days” from the poem The Walk by Thomas Hardy

16. Favorite Anime?

OPM is the only anime I watch. Being Japanese American and fem aligned means having. Not great associations with anime tbh.

17. Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried in front of someone

WAIT YES I DO

It was November 23rd and my little cousin and I watched Over the Garden Wall. Both of us cried at the end.

18. Do You Collect Anything?

I have a knife collection and an old rock collection from when I was younger. I also unintentionally have a major makeup collection. My lipstick collection is borderline embarrassing. In my defense it started in 7th grade.

19. What Did You Have For Lunch?

I uh. I didn’t have lunch skfjhdsljfh

20. Do You Dance In The Car?

I do!

21. Favorite Animal?

Dude I fucking love crows.

22. Do You Watch The Olympics?

Some of them! My mom was really athletic growing up (as in one of those kids that plays a sport every season in high school), so she watches a lot of them. We tend to watch figure skating (which I know little about but have strong opinions on), gymnastics, synchronized swimming, track, and judo.

23. What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Usually I’m in bed by 11 but I don’t go to sleep until 2am. Recently I’ve been getting to sleep at 7am.

24. Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

It is currently three in the morning so no akslkjsahd

25. Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Ocean. I grew up in Northern California near the coast, and now I’m in a landlocked state. And you can kind of feel it, you know? The air doesn’t smell like salt and redwoods, the mountains aren’t there to hold up the sky so you just feel it pressing down on your chest. I miss the ocean.

26. Favorite Tumblr Blog?

I don’t know if I have a favorite. erikkillmongerdontpullout is funny and insightful, and I love dostoevskydocs’ poetry compilations.

27. Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

I grew up somewhere with access to really good tap water, so I’ll go with that.

28. What Makes You Happy?

Writing, spending time with friends, the feeling of dappled sunlight through the tree canopy.

29. Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

30. Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

With :)

31. Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs but I love cats too!

32. If You Were A Crayon What Color Would You Be?

Moss green!

33. PlayStation Or Xbox.

Xbox.

34. Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean. I don’t trust lakes.

35. Do You Believe In Magic?

I believe in the supernatural, I don’t know if magic’s the right word. It’s more like a belief that there’s something more to the world than what we’re able to perceive. 

36. What Color Shirt Are You Wearing?

Charcoal grey.

37. Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes! I can also make my tongue into a clover.

38. Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

A bit of both. I can be pretty frugal when I’m by myself but I inherited the need to pay for everything for my friends from my mom, so if my friends are around, I will try to muscle my way into paying for everything. This is usually unsuccessful bc my friends are in the same boat.

39. Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yes. I’ve got a pink water bottle on my bedstand.

40. Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

I mean. OPM lkjshdflkjdh I’ve been hyperfixating on it, but I also am pretty obsessed with OTGW (I have been for years).

41. Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

No but I’ve had a few land on me.

42. Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Depends on the person. Overall, I’d say no, but my friends have significant sway over me.

43. Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yes.

44. Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

I actually do. But only for short flights. Anything longer than 4 hours makes my body really hurt.

45. Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Moana.

46. Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds!

47. If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

Orville Peck or Carseat Headrest.

48. Are You A Picky Eater?

Nope!

49. Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Yeah.

50. Do You Fear Thunder/Lightning?

No, I actually love them. I sleep best when it’s thundering.

51. Do You Like To Read/Write?

Yes to both. I’m a Creative Writing major so dkljfhljkdf

52. Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yeah! Though not as loud as some people, my ears are sensitive.

53. Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents. I’m not a big fan of the smell of pumpkin, and wrapping presents is a tradition for my mom, brother and I. We’d put on some music, drink some hot chocolate, and wrap as many as possible. Then my brother and I would smuggle some wrapping paper to our rooms and wrap our mom’s gift.

54. Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Somebody that I Used to Know-Gotye (listen the song still slaps)

55. What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winter/Spring transition. It hailed for 15 minutes straight yesterday.

56. What Are You Craving Right Now?

A popeyes 5 piece spicy chicken meal with fries and ranch. Can you tell I’ve thought about this?

57. Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

I don’t wanna.

58. What Is Your Gender?

Nonbinary, but vaguely girl adjacent. 

59. Coffee Or Tea?

I think coffee. I drink more tea, but I also drink exclusively green tea and chai (like the traditional chai made with milk not the chai teabags) and I really am not a black/white/earl grey tea person.

60. Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

OOF Yeah I do

I’ve got a thousand word readers response to “The Other Boat” by E. M. Foster, a one thousand word journal about WWI, a reflective journal check in and a powerpoint I have to make for Sense and Sensibility for Brit Lit and I also am tutoring a few of my classmates

In my biological anthropology class I’ve got a Unit Exam and a few lectures to watch

For my internship/Teachers Assistant position I’ve got 17 10 page rough drafts to read and give in depth comments on as well as a portfolio I have to assemble for next year’s TA bc I’m transferring, phone meetings with the 17 students who wrote those rough drafts, and I’ve gotta compile some resources for my professor

I need to finish my memoir for my independent study and I have to present. my nonfiction memoir. to my classmates. on Zoom. I’m one of two people doing a nonfiction memoir for their independent study the rest are doing fiction, poetry or a literary analysis paper so like. My classmates are gonna be talking about their fiction piece and then I’m gonna be giving a 15 minute reading and Q&A about a piece that focuses on my trauma and being hate crimed so that’s fun.

I also gotta get some stuff done for my school’s lit magazine.

61. What Is Your Sexuality?

A known bisexual™

62. Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

I try to but I forget.

63. Favorite Pokémon?

Togepi, Blissey and Togekiss.

64. Favorite Social Media?

I hate to say it but it’s tumblr.

65. What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

If it’s longer than six stories, I’m not watching it. Unless I know they’re gonna be fun or we’re really close then I will.

66. Do You Get Homesick?

A bit. I’m still really homesick for my hometown tbh because that’s where all my family except for my parents are. I’m really close with my extended family, so being isolated from them feels like there’s an emptiness at my side.

67. Are You A Virgin?

No.

68. What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Redken Frizz Dismiss. I got those big fucking bottles you can get at Ulta where it’s like a gallon of shampoo so I haven’t had to buy any in over a year.

69. If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

I’ve slept in my car before and I will do so again most likely. Also $60 is too much to spend for a motel room.

70. Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes. Though I’m much closer to my mom than my dad.

71. Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Idk shit about movies tbh.

72. Do You Miss Your Ex?

One of them yes, the others no. But the one I miss I also acknowledge is someone who had their place in my life at the time and helped me through some rough shit, but no longer has a place in my life. I appreciate the hell out of him though, and we’re on good terms.

73. What Is Your Favorite Quote Right Now?

I’ve got two!

“I don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth” –Ophelia, Hamlet

and

"Suffering feels religious if you do it right." –Chelsea Hodson

74.  What Eye Color Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown. Especially the almost black-brown eyes.

75. Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Yes to both.

76. What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Chocolate covered pretzels ljhflfsd

77. What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Toon Blast and 2048.

78. Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Holy shit I hate this question. Yes, of course I would. I don’t know why mentioning that the person is homeless is relevant. Homeless people are not somehow less worthy of CPR?? What the fuck.

79. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

...yes

80. Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

I’ve briefly skimmed over someone’s page after meeting them but I don’t lurk.

81. Do You Like Meeting New People?

Depends on my mood.

82. Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

I hate my hands so this was pushing it.

83. Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed.

84. What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Corrected papers, walked my dog, did some writing.

85. What Do You Wear To Bed?

T-shirt and shorts.

86. List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

Dude I can’t do that I have too many, I’ve been buying makeup for 7 years and I used to work next to a sephora

My makeup routine pre-rona was:

Sephora brand moisturizer

Milk Hydrogrip primer

Fenty Pro Filtr Hydrating Foundation

Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer

Anastasia Brow Definer

Glossier Cloud Paint

Fenty Sunstalkr Bronzer

Fenty Liquid Flyliner

Fenty Flypencil

Fenty Full Frontal Mascara

Fenty Glossbomb

It’s...an expensive routine.

87. Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night to early morning.

88. List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

I answered this one and I don’t want to reanswer it tbh ldkjfhds

89. Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I genuinely can’t remember any of my dreams right now. I remember a snippet of one where I was in a cave and I looked at the wall and I could see water running down it, reflecting in the torchlight but that’s literally it.

90. Favorite Soda Drink?

I’m a big pomegranate person, so Italian soda’s my go to.

91. What Sounds Are Your Favorite?

The sizzle of meat hitting a hot wok, rain, hail, thunder, the crunch of dry leaves. I also love the sound of Simone de Rochefort’s laugh. It’s so good.

92. Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.

93. How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty.

94. Name Something That Relaxes You.

Skyrim ldskjfhd

95. What Tattoo Do You Want?

I really want to get my family’s mon on my ribcage and my mom’s Japanese name somewhere. I don’t know how my pain tolerance is but if I can handle it, I’d want to get at least a partial sleeve.

96. Favorite YouTuber?

Polygon and Watcher.

[murphystartedthefire]

Conageddon: Richard Harmon’s Panel + associated stuff

Disclaimer from the last post: So it’s just my luck that immediately after posting my Richard/Luisa recap, a whole bunch of the Conageddon panels including that one became available online! I definitely encourage people to check them out!

Unfortunately the people who taped them missed Luisa’s solo panel and Richard’s solo panel. So I will still share what I remember and notes from those.

SUNDAY RICHARD PANEL

- I'll admit *I* actually missed the beginning of this because I was in the auto line for Bob with a friend. (”How’s Richard treating you?” were in fact the first words Bob said to me, which made me feel The Betrayal a bit, lol. Also side note, I went so blank on anything to say to Bob that I had to get up and ask a question at his Q&A later just because I thought of something after the fact.)

- Anyway uh... I did finally get over there, and he was wearing this.

- Via twitter learned one of the first questions was whether Murphy sees himself as a bad guy. He answered that Murphy does think he’s a bad guy, but he as Richard doesn’t think Murphy’s a bad guy. ;__;

- Asked if he could only use one word for the rest of the day, what would it be? He went with “cute” because you can use it a lot of different ways, say it sarcastically, etc. It became a running joke in response to things for the rest of the panel, he would just deadpan in an annoyed voice, Cute.

- His next project is a guest role on a show he didn’t name but it’s already on the air and has some of the same writers from “Continuum”. (Can anyone figure this out? “Van Helsing” maybe?) They offered him a multi-episode part as a villain and human trafficker involved in bad things.

- Someone asked a question about Murphy's relationship with alcohol, we've only ever seen him drink a little or when he was getting trashed in the bunker. SPOILER: Murphy being "drunk" a lot is something that we’ll see in season six. Then Richard -- green mustache and all -- actually went into a serious riff about how he drinks socially in real life but tries to avoid doing it for the wrong reasons, out of anger or sadness, and it sounds like that’s where Murphy is and that’s not a healthy coping mechanism for him.

- Someone opened a question saying Murphy is her husband’s favorite character and he proudly calls himself an asshole. Richard was like “your husband has good taste, and he [Murphy] is an asshole, nothing wrong with that.”

- Honestly the real gem of this panel was the long answer to the question of whether Murphy could be more stable if they were in peacetime again. This was the response I summarized on twitter as "talking soberly about mental health and the importance of seeking help while wearing a green mustache." Because it was very moving and I’ll try to remember the gist of it -- he was talking about how he likes to think Murphy could fight his demons because he is a fighter, in reality he probably needs therapy, but his answer as an actor is always that Murphy is more *fun* and interesting to play when he's dark. His demons are part of him, he's not a happy person. He went back to the "vial of poison" metaphor he’s used before, like Venom it feels good and keeps him alive when he lets the poison in.

- ...But also thinking about mental illness consciously as a part of Murphy especially since season 5, there's a responsibility that comes with talking about it. (Actually one of the con staff jumped onto the mic and was talking about how important therapy was to his family and Richard was like “yes, thank you for taking what I said that way.”) He likes Murphy the way he is but he never wants to give off the idea that real people are beyond help. He was very emphatically like: help is out there, life is worth living right and being happy, and Murphy isn't beyond that but he can't get it because it's a TV show and it's more fun for him to be fucked-up.

- An audience member commented about how well Murphy seems to work and have an interesting relationship with every character on the show, from someone like Emori who he has a long relationship with to Abby who he only had a couple of scenes with. Richard appreciated that and said he's always liked that about Murphy, that you can throw him in with anyone and he's a great accessory. “Leaving Emori out” (thanks, question-asker) who is his favorite person to play off of? He answered Bellamy. He repeated what he's said before about thinking if Murphy was going to die, he (Richard) would want Bellamy to kill him. Bringing it full circle from when they both wanted each other dead, now it would be different but Bellamy would still have to be the one to put him down.

- I remembered something else! He talked about McCreary and how he would’ve liked to do more exploring the parallel between him and Murphy, which he acknowledged they didn’t go that far with. He thinks that Murphy saw and respected him in a weird way. They have the same kind of poison running through them, but for Murphy it’s something he really is trying to keep under control.

- He talked about how he always saw Murphy as very smart. Even from the beginning when he was described in the script as an idiot, he didn't want to play him that way. He's not educated but he's a chess player -- however, sometimes he gets impatient and jumps ahead moves. An audience member said they thought Murphy would make a good FBI agent or something in the real world, but Richard said he could just as easily be unemployed because he’d never get past a job interview.

- Audience member compared Murphy to Loki (mythical, not the Marvel one), but Richard said the figure he really based him on in the beginning was Lucifer -- I can’t remember the whole answer, but being like the fallen/cast-out one who was alongside Bellamy and then wanted to overthrow him. And then later Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z. ;)

OTHER RICHARD STUFF

- Like I said in another post, twitter user murphybeiiamy/Noemie had sold me her Richard Harmon VIP badge even though I was on a low budget since no one had offered her the ticket price for it. I am eternally grateful for that. I did witness the Memori Beer Pong thing in person. Other things included were the meet & greet which has its own post, solo photo and selfie... boy am I glad I chose to go for those on the right days, ‘cause I don’t think Emori + Insane St. Patrick’s Day Richard would’ve meshed as well as this: 

- I also got the Jealous Emori sequel to my UD photo op. They were so game for everything! They had taken their “honeymoon” picture shortly before this and left the flowers on for the rest of the session. *g* I should thank Lindsey Morgan again for the completely unnecessary wrapping-her-leg-around-me pose, because it’s the first thing they noticed in the picture and made sure to replicate it with Richard’s leg. XD

The next day I told him that I really appreciated everything he said on the panel about mental health and I feel the same conflict about just wanting Murphy to be okay but thinking then he's a better character *because* he is fucked up and that's why he's identifiable. I gave him the Murphy playlist, his eyes kind of perked up and glanced over at Luisa when I said I'd given her one too. I warned him his had more dark & sad songs on it than hers did (tbh I think his turned out better), and he was like that’s GOOD, he wants all the sad songs. So yeah... he seemed to be legit into it as a gift and I believe and hope he will also listen to it. <3

- Finally, if you made it to the end of this post, please watch this video of Richard Harmon and Chelsey Reist doing Jameson shots and casually donating $1000 between them to CURE Childhood Cancer. I love my chaotic-good son.

#the 100 cast #john murphy #richard harmon #the 100 #conageddon #that boy's a fighter

[dylanobrienisbatman]

Spoilers for the new season of The Magician’s under the cut, because i just wanna rant about my thoughts for a second!  Spoilers for The Magician’s Season 4 incase the cut doesn’t work for some reason, because it doesn’t on mobile sometimes! 

.

.

.

.

.

.

(just to be safe!)

Sooo Wickodi(23) seems more or less confirmed, by the cast and also by the trailer with that perfect little shot that I’m obsessing over. 

And according the cast, it’s being done in a very specific way and it’s got me SUPER emotional. 

According to Arjun and Stella, Wickodi(23) (mentioned in full here), their relationship is going to grow and evolve as a way of helping them both heal from their trauma? And specifically it is mentioned that it’s going to help Julia learn to express herself sexually and heal from her PTSD from Reynard, and I’m just really emotionally about that. 

Another show that did something similar was Reign, and it was my absolute favourite storyline in the entire series. (Spoilers for Reign, if you didn’t watch and are planning too?? sorry???) After Mary was r*ped in the siege on the castle, she couldn’t even sleep next to Francis because the sound of his breathing triggered her so badly she was terrified. The show did an exceptional job of showing her PTSD, and specifically showing how it could really affect a woman sexually, and they handled it exceptionally well. Slowly but surely, through the very tender love and affection from another man, Prince Conde, Mary becomes comfortable being with a man again. It starts very very slow, she doesn’t like to be touched, she doesn’t like to be near a man, but because of this beautifully done relationship between her and Conde, she is able to slowly regain the confidence and trust she once had not just with another man, one who truly loved her and would never hurt her, but more importantly with herself, her own body. That plot line has always stuck with me, and to the end of the show I wished that she and Conde would have ended up together, because that relationship was so meaningful and profoundly different from anything else I had ever seen on TV, and from the sound of it, from Stella and Arjun, that seems to be the direction they are taking Wickodi(23) and I’m just SO SO happy about it. 

As soon as we meet Penny!23, we can see that he has this like, all consuming extremely deep love for Julia. So much so that, even knowing that she isn’t his Julia, and that in Timeline 40, he and Julia were not in love, he chooses to leave his own Timeline and come back with her, because he’d rather be with some version of her that he can now get to know and love differently than never have any version of Julia ever again (uhhhh BOY I relate. I could talk about how much I love Julia Wicker all day, every day, for the rest of my god damn life). He calls her his soulmate. He doesn’t even really know her, at all, and he threatens Josh Hoberman when there is event he slightest suggestion that The Quickening might be something dangerous, saying that if he’s anywhere near Julia, well..... I wouldn’t wanna be Josh tbh. They’re fighting Quentin!Beast in Timeline 23 Fillory, and when Julia goes to fight Q, he grabs her hand, and stops her, because he’s worried, because he wants, needs, her to be safe. 

And when he comes back to TImeline 40 with them, and Julia just says very kindly that she isn’t his Julia, reminding him that she doesn’t have the same feelings that his Julia had, he smiles, and very gently, very kindly, tells her to give it time. 

All of Penny’s relationships, with his friends, and the romantic relationship with Kady, has been a lot more forceful, on both ends. He and Kady are both angry forces of nature, who sort of collide and grow into this perfect storm of love and anger and fear and loss, and their love is so true, but also so harsh, at times. The words “i love you” are often smacked down between them. I always wanted them together, but I also always sort of felt like, somewhere, sometime in the future, they both were going to need a softer kind of love. They loved each other so fiercely that Penny’s death drove Kady to use heroin again, and ended her up in rehab, because her love for him was so all consuming she couldn’t see the light on the other side of the grief. They were both going to need a love that didn’t feel so overwhelming, and then we see Penny!23 and the way he loves Julia, and that was the kind of love I was looking for. Something pure, and deep, just like him and Kady, but also softer. Sweeter, somehow. Like it wasn’t fought for with teeth and claws. Like it was just.... natural and easy. I ship everything on this show, like alllllll the things pretty much, and I loved Kady/Penny, but Wickodi feels easier, and it feels nice. 

And I think that for Julia, thats going to be such a HUGE deal. We haven’t seen her in any romantic relationships, except for the boyfriend she had at the very start, who was magically made to forget her and then never seen again, and we haven’t seen her sexually involved with anyone after Reynard, unless I’m forgetting something. And of course, she doesn’t need a sexual or romantic relationship (shes the “hermione granger of brakebills” and a literal god. girl DEFINITELY don’t need no man/woman/person/etc.), but it’s not bad to have one. In fact, sometimes it’s really a nice thing to give a character who has been through so much a love story that is just.... nice. (Ehem, Raven Reyes x Zeke Shaw in S5 of The 100 anyone??) And from the sound of it Wickodi(23) is going to be just that, and that just makes me really happy. 

This show has done, in my opinion (and I am not a sexual assault survivor myself so of course, my opinion here should be taken with that in mind), an exceptionally good job of handling Julia’s assault. Every character will (and SHOULD!!!!) handle sexual assault trauma in different ways, and so choosing to have Julia go through the process the way she did, where she is still able to touch her male friends and isn’t afraid of all of them, but is still clearly traumatised and horrified by what happened to her (unlike Mary who was traumatised and horrified, and also terrified of men, and refused to be alone with any of them ever), was a really interesting narrative choice. 

Choosing then to have her battle internally with the fact that the God Magic she received was originally his, and what that meant to her, how it made her feel, and the fact that, Julia Wicker, who, in season 1 blatantly told Quentin that magic was the most important thing to her, to the point where she was doing scary spells with Hedge Witches and had to go to rehab because she thought there was nothing she could do but try and get over the need she had for magic, gave her magic away. She looked at Alice Quinn, who needed it just as much as Julia had always needed it, and gave it to her, without question, because Julia would have rather been without magic than have magic from the trickster god who assaulted her. It showed just how much Reynard had traumatised her, just how much it had impacted her. She wanted nothing to do with him, even when that something was the only spark of magic that any of them could find anywhere. 

The show never shied away from her trauma, and I think the choice to now explore a relationship where a big component of them falling for each other is going to be helping each other heal, and specifically helping her heal from that trauma is such a great choice, I think. It shows an awareness that sexual assault doesn’t, and shouldn’t, cause survivors to never have a positive experience with sex and sexuality ever again, and it shows that sometimes, it might take time, and it’s going to take a person or a relationship that really makes sex and sexuality feel like something different than what happened to them. 

The choice to make a new relationship between Penny!23 and Julia about this mutual path to healing, peace, and love, to make it a journey they take together towards becoming more whole, while acknowledging and not shying away from the fact that a big part of that for Julia in the storyline they chose for her is going to be relearning how sexuality and sex feel to her now, and exploring that and her body with someone she trusts and who loves and cares for her, really shows an awareness from the writers and the storytellers on how sexual assault storylines should be handled, and I’m really excited to see them tell this story. 

Of course there is always they chance that they’re going to do something dumb and make it bad, but so far this show has always done a great job of handling different really big issues in really insightful, nuanced ways, and that sort of makes me trust that they’re going to do their due diligence and tell this story with respect. 

Also, I can’t imagine Penny!23, when he looks at Julia the way he does, being anything but soft, and kind, and loving with her. 

I just wnated to kinda rant and word vomit all my thoughts about this out onto a post and share it, because I read the few posts I’ve seen about this choice (mostly just the posts w/ the interviews), and it just made me really really happy that they’re taking my two favourite characters down this path, towards a storyline, and making it a ‘ship, that, if done well, has the potential to be one of my favourites on this show, and maybe on any show. 

(adding this gif because WHAT a first kiss man. AUHGS:LKFHLKA)

#rape tw #penny x julia #wickodi #penny!23 x julia #the magicians #wickodi23 #penny adiyodi #penny!23 #julia wicker

[quinnmorgendorffer]

🔥 idk whatever just rant at me lmao

Okay, just to be ~different~ let’s do a different ship than what I’d normally complain about with you ;)...but we’ll stay in the same fandom.

Do you know how much it sucks to hate the only lesbian/wlw/whatever relationship on a TV show?

While Bri/tana was a million times healthier than K/laine, that’s not saying much at all. I mean, B/laine tried to rape Kurt and got pissed off that his boyfriend didn’t need him anymore. 

But, alas, like K/laine, they had a promising start (I’d say theirs was slightly more promising just because I was already over B/laine as a character by the time they got together) and, because gay, they were often praised despite some really unhealthy and unnecessary bullshit.

First of all, Santana manipulating Brittany into cheating? Ummmm, not cool? Some people want to claim, I’m sure, that Brittany knew what she was doing (the show and a lot of her fans try to switch frequently between her being a complete, innocent child and her being a full grown woman who says stupid things on purpose?), but that doesn’t make cheating okay. One thing I hated about almost every ship on the show was how cheating was often used as either unnecessary drama or to set up a ship. From F/inchel making out in the second episode to the emotional cheating with W/emma to all the drama that was Q/uick...it really puts a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t like the reliance on it for drama and I don’t like the idea of supporting a couple that started with cheating, which is something that every endgame ship had. While I love Tartie, even they had cheating problems, but at least they didn’t start as a result of cheating. Ugh. Anyways, I hate it.

Second of all, Brittany released a sex tape of them??? Without Santana’s consent??? What the fuck???? And Santana says that it still follows her and it shows up in her searches. What the fuck??????? That could literally ruin her entire life and Brittany was trying to release it to “teach” her a lesson? Bullshit. That’s majorly fucked up.

Thirdly, while I can’t blame the ship itself, they royally fucked up the coming out and like...ugh. Brittany stopped talking and...yikes.

Fourthly, Brittany also outted Santana in s1. Anyone in the hallway could’ve heard her, and Santana looked clearly uncomfortable with it, but w/e.

Fifthly, while using “Mine” was a dumb move, I thought their break-up was mature and well-done. Bravo to that. While I hate the unnecessary drama for something they made endgame (and was clearly going to be endgame, just like I knew, despite all hopes it wasn’t, that K/laine was endgame), it at least made sense and didn’t involve any cheating. It ended before any possible cheating could happen, which I thought was a good move. Letting Brittany go before Santana cheated on her or before anymore pain from the distance hurt them was a good move on their part. But then Santana got jealous for her dating someone else and purposefully tried to sabotage it. While it was also immature and awful with Artie, at least she was also just trying to get together with her, but she was the one who broke up with Brittany and she refused to just acknowledge that and ugh. Awful.

I could come up with a whole bunch more tbh but this is already long enough. LIke I said, it’s loads healthier than K/laine, but it’s not a healthy or necessary relationship soooooooo yeah.

SEND ME A “ 🔥 “ FOR AN UNPOPULAR OPINION.

#long post #lol brittana #lol glee #sorry y'all don't hate me #loosellps #bite me in the ask

[greywindys]

Gorillaz | 2017 in Review

Ayyy happy new year!!! Relative to the entire year of waiting that was 2016, 2017 was a pretty packed year for Gorillaz and consequently, for me as a fan. To sum it up in three words- They came back! (Finally, someone let them out of their cage?) And there was a surplus of content- good, quality content. But there were also some letdowns. Which release falls into which category depends on who you ask. Like, pretty much every move Gorillaz made this year was met with both applause on one side and boos on the other. If I had to pick a word of the year for them, it would be “polarizing.” However, polarizing isn’t always bad, and there were many well thought out conversations, theories and fan content that resulted. Add in some scandal and disorganization and you’ve got a pretty wild twelve months. Under the cut I list some notable and memorable momentz.mp3 of the year, mostly for my own records but anyone is welcome to read.

Hallelujah Money (1/19/17)

Gorillaz started their year off with what was probably the most polarizing move of the year. Some backstory: January 2017 we still had no idea when the album was coming out. Actually, we didn’t even know IF the album was coming out like, we basically didn’t know wtf Gorillaz was doing. Then, on the day before the US inauguration they drop the video for Hallelujah Money, a video punctuated with Orwellian imagery for a song that sounded like a funeral march. Benjamin Clementine took a prominent role while 2D took a backseat (a trend that would persist throughout the singles) and, after the initial excitement, fans began to complain. “What happened to the fast paced music Damon promised?,” “Where is 2D? This doesn’t feel like Gorillaz?,” “Why do they need to make their music so political?” This only drove other fans to passionately defend the song. There is still no consensus on this song/video other than the agreement that “it makes more sense in the context of the album.” My personal take is that whatever point this video was trying to make is obscured by their backtracking in the form of bleeping out any mention of Trump’s name on the album. Go big or go home. And at this point in the year I think we can say it- Trump fucking sucks, okay? Trump sucks.

Dylan leaks the album (Mid-March 2017)

This is like, probably my favorite story. By the time March was upon us, we knew the album was coming soon but we still didn’t know when. The album was like a cryptid, rumored but never found. And then Dylan happened. Now to clarify, he didn’t leak the entire album and he didn’t do it on purpose but he did leak more than we were ready for. After the tracklist leaked, fans began googling the songs on video sites like youtube and dailymotion. When one fan google’d “Saturnz Barz” on vimeo, they were met with a mysterious password protected video. A couple tries later (the password was “2017″), they had access to “Saturnz Barz” one month before the album came out. And they found more- “Charger,” “Busted and Blue” to name a few. All of which were uploaded by Dylan Byrne, a lighting  technician connected to Gorillaz who apparently didn’t know his private videos could still be found on search engines such as google. The fandom collectively lost its mind, some with excitement over the new music, others with indignation at fans who dare “disrespect Damon and Jamie” and that those listening to the leaks were going to be responsible for Humanz flopping. It was wild. Oh yeah, and I downloaded the leakz and Humanz didn’t flop. 

Giant content drop of 2017 (3/23/17)

I use this particular picture of 2D here because I that we, on some level, were all 2D by the end of that fourth week in March. I’m using the “Saturnz Barz” video release date because that’s when it all began. I distinctly remember waking up on that day expecting to listen to a Damon Albarn interview and some new tracks on a UK radio show but by the end of the day we not only had new music (4 tracks, specifically) and the interview but we were also blessed with the perfect “Saturnz Barz” video which featured the band in the starring roles, gave us “the bath” meme (though that’s more of a curse now) AND an upcoming announcement of a “secret show” set to take place the very next day where the live band would play the entire new album. I think this was also the period where we finally learned the album’s name and release date. It was so much. Too much, but a good too much. Everyone felt alive. Phase 4 had officially begun.

Mocaps (April 2017- present)

Gorillaz debuted many new ways to depict the band this year but by far the most hilariously amazing method was through motion capture, abbreviated “mocap.” 2017 was in many ways the year of the mocap, specifically, 2D and Murdoc mocaps. Mocap Murdoc and mocap 2D graced us with the weather, Deezer ads, app videos, multi-lingual announcements, and even walked us around the Demon Dayz tour. My personal favorite moment was 2D telling Murdoc he fed a stray cat a kinder egg. I also want to give a special shoutout to Murdoc’s wonky eye. There was a time when we were all trying to find meaning in it. Was it an artistic choice? Had Murdoc gone blind in one eye? Was he possessed? The truth is none of the above. It was just, in the true spirit of what the mocaps models came to represent, wonky. I don’t think we all truly gave the mocaps the credit they deserved. In my eyes they are on the same level as the puppets AT LEAST. And I maintain that their potential has yet to be truly realized- Mocap carpool karaoke? Mocap SNL skit? The possibilities are endless.

Murdoc and 2D answer fan questions....live (4/20/17)

This also falls under the umbrella of the previous moment but I think it deserves its own mention because this was like, peak mocap utilization. Fans were allowed to submit questions that would them be answered by Murdoc and 2D live while we all watched. Their VA’s not only improvised these answers but also finally got the change to live out their personal headcanons. This interview was the first time we ever saw wiggly Murdoc. Much essential information was learned in this half hour event- 2D knows how to make theremin noises! Murdoc said “meme” and “twerk”! 2D sold the geep! Cyborg Noodle has taken to cycling! A lot of you seem to think I’ve been critical this phase which, while totally true, it also makes me think you possibly weren’t aware of this blog at this time because I love this interview and died when it was first released. And then I continued to love each and every subsequent awkward interview they had with actual human interviewers. The first quarter of the year was great (for me).

Reddit AMAs with the entire band, Noodle, 2D (2017)

I wasn’t an active fan during previous phases but my impression is that they didn’t have as many q&a’s with the band as this phase. The characters were very accessible this phase and, as I’ve mentioned above, at first this was great! But nothing good it forever. The Reddit AMAs, while highly entertaining, soon came to contradict past events and even past answers to earlier interviews. For example, we learned during the band’s AMA that Cyborg Noodle was NOT actually cycling somewhere in England but decapitated and being used as a pot in Noodle’s room. What was the truth? Later on, 2D had his own AMA which was cute but yielded significant nit-picking and criticism from fans including myself. For me,personally, the 2D AMA was the turning point. I didn’t mourn the loss of Cass Browne with other fans until that AMA. The difference in writing was and is glaring. For that reason, I didn’t pay much attention to the Noodle AMA but from what I saw, similar debate over her characterization (or lack thereof) took place. Tbh, I can’t picture a Noodle that types out “YAASS GURL!!1″ (or w/e it was) unironically but...I’m happy it brought joy to some fans. That all being said, regardless of writing quality the AMAs did a great job of engaging the fandom and initiating some interesting conversations.

Fans miss 2D so much that he gets his own impromptu video (6/8/17)

By far the most frequent concern over Humanz was the “lack of 2D.” It was on Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter, pretty much all social media. Despite this, no one ever expected Damon and Co. do acknowledge this let alone actually respond to it. Then, out of nowhere, 2D makes an announcement on the Gorillaz app and there it is- “Sleeping Powder” an exclusively 2D music video by 2D, starring 2D and some dorky dance moves. It was 2D’s “Dare.” The song was cute and even had its place on the tour set list. And that’s the power of 2D. And everyone was happy until people started joking that “Sleeping Powder” was written in a day and was still better than all of Humanz, and others chastising everyone for “making Damon feel bad enough to write a new song.”

Strobelite (8/6/17)

I’m not going to get into “Strobelite” too much. If you were there, you know what happened and what it led to (a certain liked Youtube comment and the later, Noodle’s answer during her AMA). “Strobelite” was also hyped up as a the band’s first official mocap video (despite “Sleeping Powder’s” release a month earlier) but unfortunately, was underwhelming to a significant portion of the fandom. Reasons included but were not limited to: no Russel mocap, very little plot, very little Murdoc, rumored cut scenes that DID involve Russel, and, yes, controversial shipping fuel. I don’t think “Strobelite” charted nor do I remember it being involved in any promo. I actually don’t know what happened to “Strobelite” outside of the, um, for lack of a better word,the discussion it spawned. There were also many theories about what Murdoc was doing at the bar. To this day, we still have no answers. What’s the plot for phase four again?

Gorillaz in Media (2017)

This isn’t exactly a singular moment but I want to highlight it anyways because the length to which they went to make this phase an immersive experience deserves a lot of credit. Not one but two apps were developed, one of which gave fans access to the band’s home and hosted events such as live listening parties so that fans could potentially meet. The other provided new content, art and access to secret concert locations. BUT THEY DIDN’T STOP THERE. With one of their sponsors they were able to construct actual, real “Spirit House” models for fans to walk through. Additionally, the band is accessible through their own music mixes on Spotify, Noodle has an instagram, G Magazine etc. I’m going to fit in the amount of sponsors they had under this category as well because, as annoying as they were to some, it did give us some cool new animation and ads (”We Got the Power” comes to mind, along with the Lenz ad). They put in work, they really did (though the topic of social media  #justice4MurdocTube).

The Super Deluxe is never released...until it is (September 2017-November 2017)

I forget when the original release date was but what I do know it that it didn’t happen. Phase four slowed down in the latter half of the year, and I think this made everyone hyper-aware of what content was yet to come and that content was the Super Deluxe with *bonus tracks*. But then it never came. It was delayed until October, then October came and it STILL wasn’t there. Finally,in November, orders began arriving and songs were ripped and uploaded. Reactions ranged from elated to disappointed to simply confounded that the the entire thing cost around $400. You could say that it was very polarizing.

Honorable mentions

Humanz being released (I know, why isn’t this on the list? I decided against it because it leaked a week early  so by the time it WAS released mostly everyone had already heard it), Demon Dayz fest streamed live, “Garage Palace” surprise video drop, G Magazine, G-Foot pop up shop steal fanart, Fans strike the fear of god into the Gorillaz team for forgetting Russel’s birthday, Humanz revealed as the fourth album title, Gorillaz announce a TV show, probably more that I’m forgetting.

Anyhow, what a year. I like to stay vague about my personal life here but to keep it simple, despite everything happening the world, on a personal level, it was a good year. I did a lot of growing, got some really great feedback at my field placement, tapped into some new hobbies and recently adopted two cats, brother and sister, whose names I’m still deciding lmao (leaning towards Oberyn and Elia). So yeah...here’s to that. I hope 2018 treats us all well <3.

#personals. #not tagging this because it reads more like a journal entry than anything else #but it is the #endofyear #post for this year eh so anyways #long post

[colorisbyshe]

tbh maybe this is because I'm still trying to learn about it without wanting to break every window in my house but so far QPR just feels like an excuse for cishet fucks to call themselves the q slur, to distance themselves from their heterosexuality, their straight privilege and their inherent homophobia + transphobia by/and to somehow make it seem like they're LGBT, and considering all the cases it also reads too much like a pedophilia thing.

I think a part of it ties back to the “A lot of vulnerable people who are confused/stressed out by internalized bigotry and relationships in general because they are young/inexperienced flock to ace concepts” as well. Like, what you’re saying is spot on as well as criticisms of this being a primarily white phenomenon where people don’t know how to handle lifelong sets up that aren’t the nuclear family even though like… culturally the nuclear family isn’t ~the norm and shouldn’t be seen as the default.

But there’s also a lot of younger people and mentally ill people and traumatized people and confused people who latch onto concepts like QPRs because it’s a way to kinda deal with the fact that relationships–platonic, sexual, and/or romantic–are fucking confusing. And they only get more confusing because I think a lot the ways people interact with each other is changing because of the internet–friendships with literally NO physical contact as as normalized and as valid as very physically intimate ones. So maybe more sheltered/reclusive/isolated kids who have only HAD online friendships or more distant relationships are suddenly with people that they wanna hug! They wanna be close to! They wanna spend all their time with! And it’s a new fucking concept meanwhile most other people who are maybe older or who have new friends are just like… used to intimate things like sleepovers or even kissing (mostly drunk but whatevs) or emotional intimacy.

And then we throw in media depictions where friendship is lesser than romance, inherently. Friends get left behind for partners. There are characters who are literally only humanized through their romantic relationships, no friendships/family to be found. And a lot of friendships develop into romance to add drama or people ship friendships (and freaks even ship family). So… platonic relationships must seem liek one dimensional, flaccid, and temporary to these kids (and young adults) who just… maybe don’t know better.

To have an intense emotional relationship with someone and not desire sex with them seems… inexplicable to them. It seems more than platonic. But… it’s not.

They don’t have enough real world experience to know that, in a lot of cases, the only difference between certain friendships and romantic relationships is–romantic, unquantifiable feelings. Legit, that’s… about it. Typically, romantic feelings are conflated/entangled with sex. But that’s… about it.  And that’s hard to parse for younger, more inexperienced people.

They don’t get that romantic relationships can be short, lack passion, and be fleeting while friendships can be lifelong, passionate, and constantly present.

It’s only when you get older and you have friends where you’ve known them longer than any of their partners or they confide shit in you they haven’t told their partners or you’ve experienced things with them that their partner will never understand that you realize… the lines are fucking blurry.

So, yeah, I think there are a lot of cishets who use concepts liek QPRs to say they’re queer, to excuse age gaps, and all this other fucked up shit.

But I also think there’s an element of people just… not knowing better and in a LOT of cases there’s a level of just… denying your feelings. Admitting you have romantic/sexual feelings for another person, especially someone of the same gender or someone who you already have a friendship with, is fucking scary. You risk a lot by acknowledging that. “No homoing” it with a QPR label is sometimes a level of denial. Or there’s people with trauma who have been abused in romantic relationships and want to avoid that label without recognizing their abuse didn’t come from calling it romantic, it came from… being with an abuser.

So, there’s a lot of possibilities. But literally of them kinda prove that not only is the label QPR unnecessary, it’s actively harmful, even if you call it quasiplatonic instead of queerplatonic.

Friends can have romantic feelings for each other (it’s only when it’s mutual and agreed upon that it becomes a romantic relationship). Friends can be emotionally and physically intimate. Friends can live together. Friends can stay together for life. Friendships can outlast relationships, even marriages.

Friendship is not “less” than romance. It can even be more than romance.

It’s just… different. And every friendship and evrey romantic relationship and every person’s boundaries on what is/isn’t romantic is different.

Creating a third category to act like you’re super special for opting out of both just proves that you don’t understand these concepts or are refusing to acknowledge them… it doesn’t change them.

#QPRs #qpr #ace discourse #Anonymous

[diamondarmored-blog1]

Just some stuff from yesterday’s post nothin’ special particularly--

@corditeheart  Idek, it's so small that people think one comment speaks for the entire fandom

INCOHERENT HOWLING NOISES. I can’t even comprehend this mindset. Clearly I am still a summer child who knows not the struggle of fandom veterans. I was relatively late to the party and it’s still my firm opinion that people can do what they want as long as it’s not in an attempt to overwrite someone else. I sort of assume everyone else feels like that as well, so it’s never occurred to me to take one comment as law.

@ahmyhotdog I can only speak from where I've been. Most people in this fandom are nice. This is true. I've met way more nicer people than not nice. But I think part of the issue is if you don't want to people with certain people for whatever reason then a lot of others just don't seem to play with you as well? Or it could just simply be once you find people you enjoy playing with you just end up not looking for new muns to play with.

That’s true, actually! So it could be partly down to misreading peoples’ motivations for doing that? I would usually assume it’s because our headcanons don’t mesh, though I will say that’s happened to me elsewhere. I don’t think it’s the fault of the collective though, I think there are just arseholes wherever you go. Idk, I hear “x is a bad fandom” and I think of Bloodborne (INB4 SOMEONE IS A BLOODBORNE PART TIMER AND TAKES OFFENCE... @ them, come on, man, you know exactly what I mean here. BB is a mushroom cloud on the horizon for everyone else). 

@eruditorem I’ve heard things but honestly ive never seen anything and everyone has been so welcoming??? so idk either. also i dont pick my nose, i pick my butt. i  mean... wait-- dont reply to that

Mostly adding this so everyone knows Bri picks her butt

@legendaryturk Hmm.  Well I'm kind of newish to the fandom at least for RP, and I think...things just go in cycles?  I've seen ups and downs in various fandoms - not just 8, but also ffvii, doctor who, mgs, and tons of other fandoms I've RPed in.  overall I'd say ff8 has been mostly welcoming to me? it's small, and tumblr being the animal it is, people may just flock toward others who share similar writing styles or fanon. Idk, if I find I have something in common with another mun, be it writing style or fanon ideas, I'll kind of squee with them over it, but I *never* do so with the intent of excluding others, kwim? that said, there are times where I feel like muns talk around me and there's a joke I'm not in on, but, I think that's just the beast that is tumblr, and not fandom related tbh.

You were in MGS tho//// / ?!?!?/q/1/

That part about not doing it with the intent to exclude is so important tbh. So far, I’m getting the impression that most of it is misunderstanding. I can’t imagine anyone I’ve come across so far being deliberately dickish in that way. Eg, there’s one person I can think of who doesn’t really want to acknowledge me, but that’s okay, cos I know they’re a heavy Seiferx[redacted] shipper and I’ve already said I’m not, so I’d not be much use to them. We still follow each other, though, and I can’t think that they’d be all like YOU CAN’T SIT WITH ME if I spoke to them.

@diosleighrp  There's douchenozzles in every fandom who try to dictate what other fans can and can't do. It's quite unfortunate, but there are just entitled brats everywhere.

I can’t say much about this, I haven’t had it! Idk why. Maybe I’m too babbymode for the haters to have found. I have had it elsewhere though so I know what you mean and you’re right, they are definitely lurking somewhere. They’re lurking everywhere. 

@lionseed Just like American politics, it's the small angry voices that get the most attention for some reason. Sometimes there's a bad experience, and people take that as proof the fandom is shit.

MMMM and there’s always people with a bad experience to talk about because nowhere’s perfect, so I guess it’s partly on the reader to be on it enough to realise that. I would like if people within the fandom wouldn’t say that about all currently participating members though :( Obviously people can talk about their experience, good or bad, but their experience is with a person, not all of us. 

@underplater Okay, so. I will say that what I've personally experienced with the ff8 fandom is a lot of, "oh wow, I really like your blog and your take on the character you're doing. That's wonderful!" "Oh awesome, do you maybe want to do something with her/him/me?" "Uh... Maybe." Which... Means no. And then people are always all, "You just keep doing you, dear, it's wonderful," but no one sends in memes or replies to stuff? And it just.. I always feel like I'm pressed up against the glass, looking in.So I'd say my experience with the ff8 comm has definitely been that it's very insular and hard to for me, personally speaking, to break in on. ... Sorry, I'm fairly sure this was about my comment earlier? I think I was the one who used insular.... Unless, of course, I guess the problem could be me? But if it is, I wish someone would tell me so that I could drop the muses and just stop cluttering up people's dashes.

JJKASHDJASHFGGHFJDSJJHH this hurt me to read and is the main reason I’ve made time to do this reply post rn. I couldn’t remember who said what, to be honest with you and it surprises me that it was you, purely because you’re always one of the first people to come to mind when I think of “the FFVIII community”, you seem like a valued part of it to me, even if you’re not one of the most active. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT THE PROBLEM. I can’t really say with 100% certainty what *is*. With the meme thing, I think it depends what it is. If someone reblogs one of those “send me x and I’ll tell you about y”, I try to send it, but if it’s a starter or something that feels thready, I won’t unless I have an idea to back it with, cos it doesn’t feel any different to writing an actual starter for me. I’d rather do that, but I won’t do it uninvited/randomly because that’s putting pressure on someone who didn’t ask for it. If a lot of people do the same as me and don’t mention it, then that could be a big factor because people can well end up waiting for each other to approach without realising it. It might also be something to do with you having multiple blogs (particularly Reno) and that altering your perception. The reason I say that is because I had the exact same thing myself, I had a male muse in a fandom and everyone loved him - mostly everyone wanted to lowkey do him tbh - and I had a female one who got comparatively zero attention because she wasn’t as accessible to such a wide audience. Ellone in particular is a complex character and it’s a sad fact that people tumblr-wide aren’t always into the idea of paying attention to something before they interact with it. Reno is much more easy to interact with in a casual way, since he’s had more exposure in source material and is widely regarded as being a fun, not-serious character (though I acknowledge he very likely IS, and I know from experience that you will have put a lot of thought into him - I love Reno and anything that gives him some substance). He attracts people from further afield, people who might have only seen Advent Children or only know him through fan works. Ellone doesn’t have a movie or much fanfic, and she’s not really subject of the most popular speculation (lbr - by that I mean “who she’s sleeping with”), so she doesn’t have that far a reach. Your Ellone is so valuable to the whole community, you have a hell of a lot to share in your headcanons and your ideas. I haven’t seen you use Julia too much yet, but I’m sure she’ll be that way too. I think you should pick one of those ideas, pick someone who seems like they could pull it off and tell them about it, because I’m so sure 90% if not 100% of us would thread them with you. That’s all I do tbh!! I’m always prepared for someone to say no, but mostly they’re happy to have been approached with an idea to use as a starting point. PLEASE DON’T DROP THEM. You’re not cluttering up anything. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s sad to see you inactive on her whenever you are, tbh. I don’t think you realise how essential she is. I know it’s a small, slow fandom, but anything you post raises the overall standard for the sheer fact you did it, and it had your characteristic level of consideration put in. Course, I’m probably biased, cos I think I can tell when people work more behind the scenes than out front on their muse and the related background and I appreciate that, always have.

@misplacedxheroics .... I'm hoping this is permitted that I comment, as it was my blog where you read this post. I'm only addressing what I've experienced in the community, not trying to speak for everyone here. In my personal experience with VIII, more often than not, I see a lot of the insular behavior mentioned. Several blogs that start up are made to feel so unwelcomed that they leave or close up shop. Then there are the pass/agg anons, the ones who attack strong female characters (OC or otherwise) and 'correct' headcanons for canon characters. Whoever the person is, I have to believe it's just one single person. But anons have begun to reach out and outright tell people who they can or can't write with, which is baffling. And lastly, I'm guilty of this, and I'll own it -- We also become so comfortable and so familiar with who we write with we don't try out other players. There's also the overlap of muns playing with 'private' blogs. To me, the word 'private' tells me I don't have access to them. So what's the bother in following or engaging if everyone who writes muses that are in the fandom closed off to the rest of us? I can't say how the fandom should be run, I know I'm the least liked person in this fandom but this is my experience. A very polarizing, cold and unwelcoming experience.  We need to communicate more among one another, set clear boundaries and maintain community and unity, imo.

I think private is just a word people slap on a blog to make it look legit these days, or as a get-out clause if they find themselves followed by some kind of My Immortal Eldritch horror. Least, that’s what I’ve seen in my travels. Private blogs seem to favour their existing friends, but be open to others who will bring them ideas. I had one blog I called private and that’s because I kept getting people saying “wanna rp?” and I’d be like “yeah okay” and they’d literally say “alright you come up with an idea then”. ? / / //???? Also... I’m trying to word this in the least mean-sounding way possible because I’m not one to shit on anyone’s parade, but if I’m really honest with you, I had to unfollow you on an older blog because you were posting vagues about people so often. I don’t mind when people vent, but it got to the point where it was almost every day someone was on blast and I felt like I’d walked in on a family argument. You can do what you want with your blog, it’s on me to unfollow if I don’t like it, so I did. But. Any oversensitive person seeing it probably assumed you meant them and that might have something to do with you finding it difficult to connect with people. You follow that up by slating the entire fandom when it’s not exactly a fandom problem, which makes people less likely to approach you as you’ve already indirectly blasted them. I’ve had people tell me more than once that you’ve posted something about me without naming me; notably when you made a point of reblogging that one anti-Xu post from an inactive account after saying you hate people who disagree with you “on purpose”. I had just posted a silly Xu support one liner that got a few reblogs. I don’t really have a fig to give whether it was about me or not, but it’s a good example of how a vaguepost causes negative ripples. If one person assumed that was about me, another ten probably guessed it was someone else. I was welcomed to the fandom with a couple of how-do-you-dos and an anon telling me to stay away from you or you’d bully me into deleting. That was the first of several. Then you got that anon telling you to stop sending me hate when you hadn’t (what basis did that have?), and one of your friends for some reason assumed I was the one who had sent it and demanded that “anon” show IP proof, which gives the impression that they’d been led to believe it was me for some reason. I know you said you didn’t understand the logic behind me saying that, but we’re both running Statcounter, you know as well as I do how it works and what the implications are of saying that. It’s also how I know the anons I’ve had that I’ve mentioned are not all one person. Maybe it really was a totally out-of-nowhere thing that person said, but when you combine it with the vagues and the assertions that there’s a split in the fandom that no one else (so far) has detected, it causes bigger problems than it would on its own. I’m not trying to put you on blast, this ain’t a callout post and I haven’t taken any of it to heart - it’s no big deal to me - I’m just trying to offer an outsiders’ perspective because I read this as you being honestly oblivious to it, and if I didn’t I’d either have to ignore your comment or lie to you, neither of which I think you’d appreciate - and I assume since you made the effort to drop in despite not following me that you would want a response.

#ooc. #in which charlie tries not to sound like a massive axe wound but probably ultimately does #you try being me and talking serious talk #the tone never feels right #tbd. #tba.?

[bellameblake]

what're your thoughts on the magicians finale?

I’m going to put this under the cut because i’m going to end up rambling i think and also a lot of the finale is really heavy topics

So i have a lot of feelings about this finale and take a whole lot of issue the more i think about it tbh these are my takes on things (please dont come at me or anything everyone has different opinions and experiences) 

first, julia. once again any choice she had was taken away from her. julia deserves so much better than being used as the gods pawn and than having her decisions made for her. I don’t know if Penny 23 made the decision he did for her because its what he thought his julia would want or what. he has known this julia all of 5 minutes when you think about it. i was so happy to see she got magic back seeing as that was her biggest point on not being human. now this goes into my other thoughts on the finale with q. the fact that she only got her magic back or the ability to do magic because q died. as if the pain of q gave her the ability to do magic. yes i know magic comes from pain but what i mean is the writers made it that q’s ‘sacrifice’ benefited julia by being so incredibly painful she was able to do magic. julia just lost her best friend she wasn't there but she knows him through and through. 

oh boy Q. I saw theories he would die but i really didn’t want to think about it. frankly i had hoped the writers wouldnt be so fucking stupid. killing the main characters isn’t good writing i dont care what their reasoning is. honestly its giving me flashbacks from the 100 s3 clarke and lexa. the 100 writers killing lexa just after her and clarke got together there is a whole host of issues there but the comparison with the queer ship being killed is too much. im waiting for the fandom to implode like the 100′s did and still is. there are some things fans and fandom do not come back from and honestly, this is it. the clear and present disrespect. killing q when the entire fucking season was all about q getting el back at any cost by any means and then THEY DONT EVEN GET TO TALK NOTHING NO MOMENT NO NOTHING NOT EVEN A LOOK?? 

can you imagine el waking up in the hospital say a few days after alice had told them all what happened and i would assume it was margo so happy he was alive but had to be the one to tell el that q was dead. can you fucking imagine fighting to come back and the last time el saw q was after he realized what he ran from that he wanted to be brave to have a shot together and he was brave and did fight to let q know he was still fucking there. then he wakes up no monsters to be seen and no q too. it breaks my heart. (im making myself cry to be honest.)

Q was the reason i started watching the show in the first place. i stayed for the other characters particularly fen. for writers who say they care about the side characters they sure dont mean it do they? my case in point being having fen and josh overthrown 300 years before el and margo return fucking off-screen. are you kidding me. now maybe s5 will show more of that idk. 

I hated the last bit where penny says to q that’ everything all falls away and you are just you’ is so hurtful. the implications that death/suicide somehow fixes everything for everyone! NO! that his death that q going through the door means he is free of his mental illness is so incredibly wrong to imply. because thats the thought right? that death will end all the pain thats the point and they just flat said it. and to top it all off everyone gained something from q’s death. they gained their lives free of monsters. julia’s pain gave her the ability to do magic. alice and q got together for .3 seconds and now she has no one again she lost q again. its all so wrong how they left the characters with the loss of q (to make it realistic well way to turn this into fillory folks this place turned out to be not what i thought it was) 

speaking of how the characters lost q... how they filmed an alternate ending and the cast didnt know that this was truly the end... i havent looked into it to see how much is really true and whats going on i have tried to distance myself from a lot of it but if its true that is so incredibly rude and unprofessional and such a dick fucking move. to me that is wrong and completely breaks any trust. i was glad this was planned with jason for a decent amount of time and not sprung on him but still it was sprung on everyone else and no. 

i haven’t cried that hard over a character’s death since jasper jordan in the 100. and q was given a much better and acknowledged send-off. Q knew doing magic could do that in the mirror world. then as soon as he is with penny he starts to question if it was sacrifice or suicide. its all wrong to me that it had to come to this as if q saying he would die to get el back isnt some sort of contemplating death? i have a lot of questions on this and none of them will be answered as to its purpose and what it all means because its based of anyone's perspective of the character's arc itself. 

i could honeslty go on but i wont... im not happy q is dead and not coming back. im really pissed that queliot the most popular ship on the show (i dont think im wrong on that?) never had a damn fucking chance in the light of day that isnt in one single episode of 50 years. i wanted with all my shipper heart for queliot to talk to have anything to just be and end up with less than nothing. to kill a character with mental health issues someone a lot of the fans relate to in that manner then i think at least handle the issue so poorly in the aftermath by actually discussing what it was and then saying the last time we see him oh dont worry all the bad stuff is gone and you can just be yourself . 

#suicide tw #suicide // #// suicide #// death #death tw #death // #i dont even know how to tag this and i didnt even cover half of the characters #like i said i could go on #anonymous #amy gets mail

[keeplovinanyway]

Vidcon Day 1

Just a private little something I’m sharing with those who wanna know! <3

It‘s 21:35 on a Saturday.

In fact, it‘s not just any Saturday, but it‘s my first day of Vidcon Europe, in Amsterdam, on the 8th of April in 2017.

I came back from my day at the convention center about half an hour earlier. My mind is so full, my heart is so full, I‘ve cried but then stopped again because it all is SO MUCH.

I‘m gonna try to get it out into words here, write it all down, recount the day, in an attempt to feel less overwhelmed and more like I‘m going to tackle all of what has happened.

Earlier today, it was 08:10, and I had just arrived at Vidcon. I know this, because I posted it all on my instagram, yeah, that helps a little to relive it all. Thank god I did that.

So, I arrived, and I felt AWESOME. There weren’t many people in the entrance hall and at the registration lines. I went and left my coat at the wardrobe, and then I went to Hall 1, which is where basically everything’s happening.

The hall is huge. It has a glassy, convex (idk) ceiling, very high, so it feels really light. They had booths and everything there. You could see the area where the meet & greets would be happening, separated with a low barrier. There were five lines where you’d queue up later, all still empty at this point. On the right of that, straight when you came into the hall, there was a queue for everyone to pick up their wristbands for the m&g’s. There were quite a few people there, but it was fine. I was just standing there for a little while, taking in the atmosphere, and I was so excited for the day.

Only about 5 minutes later a friend of mine arrived (the lovely Josi), and I didn’t recognize her immediately, but she went up to me and then we hugged and talked. We’ve only met really briefly before, and I thought she was so sweet then, but after today I feel like she’s really become a friend.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. So, she came to me, and we started talking, really easily. In English first, and then just switched to German like that, and then back again, and that’s kind of how we spent the whole day, talking sometimes English, then German – unless there were others we were talking to, of course. In line we did in fact start to talk to the two girls before and behind us, and they were really sweet as well. I can’t quite remember what we talked about – I think one of them was from the US though, I think I remember that, and the other one from the Netherlands? They were super nice.

We finally got our wristbands, and immediately went to the m&g area right next to us and started queuing for Hannah Hart. It was 8:54 (according to my insta) then, and the queuing had started at 8:30. There were a couple people already there, all sitting on the floor in a line, and we joined them. It weren’t that many though.

In line again we started talking to a girl behind us, she was from Edinburgh and really lovely as well.

The time moved really quickly, and at 9:30 both Hannah’s m&g started, and a panel at the end of the hall. We could see the big screen of the main stage really clearly, as well as the actual people on the stage as tiny humans. The panel was called The Power Of Community and Tyler Oakley, John Green and Kati Morton were on it. I really, really would have loved to go there, but then I’d have missed Hannah’s m&g. So I watched from afar, (longingly), and prayed for the queue to move slower.

It went quite quickly then, in fact. We were getting to the front of the line, and Hannah was hugging everyone so sweetly. Two girls, one of those who we’d met and Josi, went before me, and I filmed both of them meeting Hannah. She was so sweet to them, especially Josi, who shared something special to her with Hannah, and I felt really warm witnessing that.

Then it was my turn. I went up to Hannah, and she was kind of turned away, but then she turned to me and hugged me, asked for my name, and pointed out my shirt (“It’s all fun and gay till someone loses their rights.”). And then, I didn’t quite realize it happening, she turned away again and suddenly someone handed her her phone, and she pointed it at my shirt and I think she asked where I got it, and I started babbling on about how I let it ship to Germany and it was expensive, and then she showed me her phone and it was a video and I was startled and laughed and said “oh it’s a video, that’s so rude!” and she actually took a picture then instead, because, tbh, I think that video would have been a bit uselessly with what I rambled on about. Soooo she took that picture and put it on her insta story!! And then, maybe (god it happens all so quickly), we hugged again, and I went off to the side, gushing with the other girls about what just happened.

It is crazy, something like this. I feel very calm in the moment, because, you know, those are just the people I know and love, there’s nothing scary about it! But before and afterwards it hits me that this is something big, and I get really shaky and excited. Kinda useful, how that works for me!

After that, we went really quickly to the panel I talked about earlier. We’d only missed half an hour, so only half the panel. But they actually did questions from the audience for the second half, so we sadly didn’t really get anything of what they talked about.

We were sat quite far ahead though, dazing happily at the stage, probably. At one point, Josi and I waved at Tyler and he saw us and did a little smile of acknowledgement in our direction, and it made me feel soooo happy, just knowing he knew we were there!

After the panel, we quickly looked around the rest of the things in Hall 1, discovered the merch stand and I bought a shirt from Hannah, and then went off to see another panel in the Auditorium, which was located in a different area. As it turned out, that’s also the only place that really has Wifi, so sitting there I just updated twitter a little, downloaded my picture with Hannah and posted that (it’s so cute!!! and she liked it!) and so on. The panel was Being True To Your Voice and the people on it that I knew were Mamrie Hart and Ricky Dillon. Unfortunately, the panel felt a little bit stiff to me, in the way the people interacted and the questions were asked. After the natural flowing conversation from the Power of Community panel before that, it felt a little forced. So I kind of just did use that time mostly for updating the Internet with everything. I also saw that Kati Morton tweeted about doing a little inpromptu meetup in the Europe Foyer (there’s just a bunch of tables), up until half an hour after the panel ended. So after it ended, I immediately went there, while Josi met up with my friend Lena (who we had briefly met before already) to go to a m&g together. Kati was really lovely, I joined her on a table of about 15 people, and sat down directly next to her because that’s where still most of the room was available. They just talked about random things it seemed, and when I sometimes joined in, Kati would acknowledge it in the sweetest ways, like put a hand on my arm or my knee, she’s really lovely. After about 25 minutes she took pictures with everyone there and was so, so wonderful.

I then had a little bit of time where there was nothing to do. It was 12:30, Lena and Josi were at the m&g still, and there aren’t any other close friends. So I got myself a hotdog to eat (I was SO hungry) and wandered around the hall for a while. I managed to actually suddenly have Wifi in the middle of the hall, right before the m&g area, and it went on and off but I used it to quickly be updated again. Lena and Josi saw me standing there and we talked for a while over the barrier, but then I walked around again, once again just enjoying the atmosphere. I’d just been considering going to the supermarket and getting some food for them, when they finished. We walked around the area a little, signing and looking at the huge wall where everyone can write on, and  went to the merch stand again. Then they bought food for themselves in the hall, and I bought icecream, before we had to leave to make it to another panel, Kickass Women Doing Kickass Things, once again happening at the main stage area. Hannah Hart, LDShadowLady, Jenn (ugh idk her last name or handle) and Hannah Witton were on it, and they were all incredible. The area was PACKED, so many beautiful people there, and the four of them were so dynamic and wonderful in how they interacted! Hannah Witton moderated the panel beautifully and naturally, I really enjoyed that. They talked about really great things as well, it was so interesting.

Me and Lena left the panel a little earlier though, when they had just started taking audience questions, and made it to our m&g lines. I queued for Mamrie Hart, and the line was really long, because I got in at the last moment possible to catch as much of the panel as possible. Mamrie seemed to be taking her time with everyone which is AWESOME because it’s so much nicer to be actually able to talk to people when you meet them! But for me it was kind of unfortunate, because half an hour later, I really wanted to attend a Q&A on the mainstage.

But for now I was sitting there in a line, and once again started talking to people there. The girl behind me was who I talked to first, she was from the US but lived in ireland right now, and she actually told me that she needed to work on some things, so after we talked for a couple of minutes, she started doing that and I chatted with the two girls before me in line. As it turned out, they were Germans as well, and we switched to talking German then. Especially one of them had a lot in common with me – also being named Laura, being 22, studying psychology! And the both of them were girlfriends and had met on tumblr, and were in a long-distance relationship for two years, kind of similar to my girlfriend and I. It was really nice talking to them!

It became 15:30 then, and the line was still sooooo long, and the Vlogbrothers Q&A with John and Hank Green had just started, so I made the decision to leave Mamrie’s m&g and go to the Q&A instead. I would have loved to meet Mamrie, but I don’t think I regret the decision either, because it was just so awesome to hear those two talk in real life. I really, really enjoyed it!

We were sat in third row quite to the middle for the Q&A, and Tyler’s Q&A was half an hour after theirs ended, so we just really quickly got some even better seats in second row exactly at the aisle, so he would easily be able to see us. The seats actually filled up really quickly, so I am glad we went about it this way. Unfortunately we couldn’t save a seat for Lena, who wasn’t with us at the Vlogbrothers Q&A either.

Then the Q&A started, and I was so awed to see Tyler right in front of me in real life. I probably gazed really lovingly at him the whole time, because you know, just being my heartfelt self. Lisa (his manager for those who don’t know) did the Q&A with him; I think she took tweets for it, but maybe they were questions she thought of themselves. In the beginning I thought it were really standard questions, but then it got a little more casual and deeper (at the same time, yeah, cool isn’t it) and I enjoyed myself soooo much. For the last 15 minutes I think they were taking audience questions, and they were really fun as well!

Tyler interacted with the audience all the time really well though. He always pointed out little things he saw someone doing, or hairstyles he liked, or children in the audience, and even managed to make inside jokes with us in this short amount of time. It felt very much like just hanging out with us, and I think the audience felt the same way.

Something Tyler said that meant a lot to me was, that he found us all so chill and polite when meeting him, and that he loved that. I value that a lot, and it also pleases me, because I always thought it might be true that we in countries that don’t have English as their mother language are more calm about approaching English YouTuber’s. Because we can’t build this huge fandom and hype it all up with our friends; our friends don’t get YouTube, usually!! So I’ve always wondered if we’re calmer because of that, and it seems that is true.

Another moment that stood out was when Tyler gave advice about what to do as someone who’s part of the LGBTQ+ community, but can’t come out for various reasons. The person asking the question asked it very general, but I somewhere thought that this was a really special question to them – and I feel like Tyler definitely took that question to heart, be it for the person who asked or for everybody else. For both, probably. He was very sweet and talked really long about it, talked about holding on, about not giving up, about being valid to yourself. I so nearly cried during that part.

The best moment of it all was, though, really at the beginning. Tyler saw me, and he didn’t just smile at me, but pointed at me and said “hi!”, and I grinned so so hard and then gripped Josi’s leg and she held my hand for about ten minutes until I’d calmed down enough, I LOVE HIM, that made me so happy. It’s such a small moment, and I know this, but just knowing he saw me, recognized me, acknowledged me in this crowd!!, when he is so loved by so, SO many … I will never stop to feel special for that.

Not the only moment I nearly cried, though. That happened a couple of times, I just randomly teared up, just because I felt so damn happy to be there. The energy in this place is amazing, everyone’s so happy and excited and friendly, everyone loves the same thing – I can be my whole nerdy self and no one fucking cares. I feel so blessed to experience this, and I value those moments where I took the time to really take that in.

Well, let’s move on now. Tyler’s Q&A ended, I was still dazed, we got food again and went to the Europe Foyer to attend The Amazing Meetup Is Not On Fire, a fan meetup for Dan and Phil (who weren’t there). Lena and I weren’t all that keen about it though when we arrived, and so we actually went outside instead, sat on some stairs in the sun and enjoyed having Wifi for once. Josi wasn’t too pleased (sorry, love), but I was really happy to have a bit of a more quiet time. While I do want to seize all the opportunities, to me that also means always doing what’s best for me in this moment, and after this whole very emotional day, I’d already been very tired and exhausted. Social interaction is wonderful to me, but it also exhausts me, always. So this time to wind down a little with just two friends, to catch up on the Internet and twitter, I really valued that. I felt very happy sitting there!

After a while we left again, to go to the Saturday Night Featured Creator Show. That was just a lot of people performing on stage, moderated by two YouTubers. I was really tired and not that excited about it, because, well, all the input and the interactions. It was 19:30 at this point. But we went there, and I was pleasently surprised by the first 40 minutes at least! Kati Morton talked again, it was really moving and special and she cried and was so lovely. I cheered her on a lot, because she fucking deserves it. Then there was a person I didn’t know talking about loving herself, about body positivity; again, really moving. There were a few other people and then there was some stuff that I just wasn’t that interested anymore, so at around 20:40, Lena and I left.

Well, and now I am here. In my tiny, tiny hotel room, in the city of Amsterdam, all alone (finally oh god), and I feel so, so much better after writing all of this down. This felt like a huuuuuugee pile of emotions and thoughts and memories in my head, and remembering all if it in such a structured way, well, this is great.

And maybe some of y’all enjoy it too, even though it’s so fucking long.

I am really tired (god, I wrote 50 minutes on this), and really excited for tomorrow. I should write something like this tomorrow as well. We’ll see. I’ll do what’s best in the moment. :)

I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE <3 :)))))))

Good night!

#mine