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mrsgiovanna · 3 years

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The Beguiling (Hades! Don Giorno x Persephone! Fem! Reader)

This concept has been on my mind for the longest time. This is loosely based off the lore of Hades and Persephone, set in a modern mafia AU, with Giorno as Hades and the reader as Persephone. 🥺💖🐞

TW: Kidnapping, yandere themes, manipulative behaviour, disordered relationship dynamics

Word count : 6.3k

“The truth of the matter I believe to be this. There is, as I stated at first, no absolute right or wrong in love, but everything depends upon the circumstances, to yield to a bad man in a bad way is wrong, but to yield to a worthy man in a right way is right.”

- Plato, Symposium

Being the Don of a mafia is a difficult task, being so far removed from everyone and everything else. Some would even say, its like being part of an entirely different realm…

Extremely beautiful but entirely unapproachable, Giorno didn’t appear in public very often, the burden of running the organization had brought many threats to his safety. Granted, he was able to thwart any plan to even remotely harm him, but one doesn’t have time for such annoyances when you wield as much power as he did. Taking over something so big at such a young age changes a person, and Giorno was no different, he was always seen as aloof and calculating, but there were other dimensions to his character that he was painfully aware of, but would not reveal to anyone else… yet.

“Don Giovanna, are you ready to go? The driver is ready for us,” his consigliere spoke in an even, respectful tone while addressing his don.

“Yes, we can leave, have you informed Fugo of the change in our plans?” Giorno’s voice was monotonous, soft and polite, but conveyed no emotion. The task at hand today was not a pleasant one… he hated having to deal with defectors and had avoided it up until this point. This case was different… the defector in question was your brother. You had always held a special place in his heart ever since he encountered you upon taking over Passione. You were always kind towards him, and all your conversations had brought about a sense of peace within himself. Nonetheless, he dismissed it as a simple juvenile crush, and continued with his mammoth task of remolding the diseased organization, excising the ‘tumors’ to allow for a healthier, better, stronger Passione to emerge. Sacrificing his youth, his personal life and precious friends in order to attain his dream, he was not going to let anyone destroy everything he had worked so hard to create.

As the years went on, there were many times that your path had unwittingly crossed with the young don’s which only intensified his feelings for you, but given the nature of his lifestyle, he tried to convince himself that loving you from afar would be good enough, but Giorno’s resolve- unshakeable in every other scenario- was quickly waning in this regard.

Meeting with your father was painful, his demeanor reminding Giorno of a shadowed figure from his past who had changed his life forever.

“He’ll have to be dealt with, you understand this, correct?”

“I’m aware of this, Don Giovanna. I… I’m willing to take any punishment you see fit… please keep my daughter out of this… I can stake my life on her innocence in all of this,” your father spoke emphatically, desperate to protect you, appealing to the don’s humanity. Giorno furrowed his eyebrows, surely your father knew he wouldn’t harm you in any way- was it normal for people to be this terrified of him? The sharp slam of a door and a greeting from a honeyed voice snapped Giorno from his thoughts.

“I’m home, I hope you’re hungry, I’m making octopus salad, squid ink risotto and I’ve got chocolate fondants for dessert… oh goodness! Don Giovanna- I’m sorry… I, um…” you stuttered embarrassingly as your gaze landed on the blonde’s handsome face and shifted to the ground immediately. Before Giorno could answer you to try and quell your discomfort, your father interjected, sending you away from the room. The young don was completely awestruck by your ethereal beauty, as if you had been crafted by the gods themselves, descended to create joy in an otherwise dull world. He made a silent promise to himself- he had to have you as his own.

“(Y/n), please give us a moment piccolina, I’ll come to you as soon as we have concluded our meeting,”

“Of course, please pardon my interruption,” with a small nod of your head, you took your leave, wanting to start making the dishes you had just rattled off. As you busied yourself with your preparations, your mind kept returning to Giorno, he was always calm and pleasant, but you hadn’t seen him with that kind of expression before. The fact that you hadn’t seen your brother in days didn’t bode well with today’s events… you hoped he was okay, but you experienced first-hand how aggressive he could be, something, you were told, he had shared with your mother. You didn’t have much of a relationship with her as her job had taken her away from the family a bit too much. You understood now that you were a young adult, but your emotions still vacillated between acceptance and resentment when you observed the families of your friends.

“You know… because of the difference in our ages, you’ve always told me that you cared for me as a father would care for a son, as a result, our relationship has always been cordial… its allowed us to speak frankly as we have always done in the past,”

“Yes, Don Giovanna… this is true.”

“Please, I’ve told you many times before, call me Giorno…”

“Alright… Giorno,”

“Good, good, see? That sounds better already. As I was saying before, if your affections for me run that deep… accept me as a son-in-law and allow me to marry (y/n) and you will never have to worry about her safety again. Nobody would ever think to harm her if they have to contend with me first,”

“What? Are you asking for permission to marry my daughter? I don’t think she has even considered something like that… you’ve barely spoken to each other…” your father was battling to make sense of Giorno’s request, if one could even call it a request.

“I don’t think you understand the situation you’re in… your son has singlehandedly created a colossal mess; we’d be in the middle of a turf war if it wasn’t for the quick thinking of my consigliere. That’s not to say other people wouldn’t want to exact their own personal brand of justice. I can guarantee you though, if she’s under my care, none of those things will ever reach her.” Just as the consigliere was about to speak, perhaps, an attempt to rationalize with the don, a sharp sideward glance from the latter had left all suggestions unspoken. The silence in the room was palpable… uncomfortable, until it was broken by Giorno.

“I’ve loved (y/n) for as long as I’ve known her, the best place for her would be with me, my strength is unparalleled… this is probably a lot to take in right now, I’ll allow you some time to come around to the idea, I’d hate to have to take her by force, but, if that’s what it will take…”

“Are you threatening me Don Giovanna?” asked your father with a restrained bite to his voice.

“Of course not, I’m merely making my intentions clear, my reach spans well beyond anything you could ever imagine… well, I’ve said all I need to in this instance. I’ll be back for her in three days, I trust you’ll be able comply with my suggestion. I’ll be taking my leave now.” With a flourish of his cerulean blue coat, Giorno and his consigliere left your home. Your father cursed his position, but there was little he could do about it. Finding you blissfully tinkering in the kitchen, his heart broke, knowing already that this was one of the last times he would be seeing you like this… or at all.

“You don’t agree with what I’m doing, do you, Lorenzo? You know I’m good at reading people, although you’re not even trying to mask your disdain,” asked Giorno, breaking the silence on the drive home.

“Well, if I’m allowed to speak freely, I don’t think you’re going about this in the right manner. She’s going to be terrified and resentful because you’re effectively abducting her, so in brief, I don’t agree with this at all,”

“Fair enough, and for the record, obviously I’m aware that she’s going to hate me… at first anyway, but she’ll come to understand eventually. Anyway, what’s done is done, in three days, I’ll be bringing home my goddess.” Giorno turned his attention to his phone and with that Lorenzo had backed off, knowing from years of serving Giorno that there was no talking to him when he resolved to do something.

“Father, you’re so quiet… did something happen?” you asked, part of you not wanting to know the answer to that question.

“It’s a mess, but don’t worry about that, I’ll handle it. There is something that I have to speak to you about though… it’s about Don Giovanna, he would like to see you in a few days, nothing serious, just be sure to keep your schedule open for the day,” your father explained, only divulging half the truth of your situation.

“He wants to see me? Do you know why? Have I done something wrong?” you were curious as to what Giorno could possible want with you.

“Of course not dolcezza, he just wants to have a chat with you, I think he’s just making sure that you’re alright… that’s part of why he was here today.

“Oh, alright, I’ll be available. Anyway, dinner’s ready, once you get washed up, we can eat,” you glanced up at your father to see his face contorted in grief. “What’s the matter? I know you don’t like talking about things that have to do with your occupation, but you’ve been like this ever since Don Giovanna left,”

Being too much for him to bear, he pulled you into a vicelike embrace, almost as if you would disappear if he let you go, which was not entirely false. “Aww, it’s okay dad, everything will be fine, come on, the food’s getting cold, you need to eat,” with that, you both ate in a comfortable silence as you always did, before you both retired for the evening.

While you tried to prepare yourself for your “meeting”, your soon to be captor was busy creating your sanctuary, or rather, overseeing the creation of your sanctuary- there was no reason why your surroundings couldn’t be as beautiful as you were, his aim after all was to get you to fall in love with him. Large, glittering mirrors with gilded frames adorned the walls of the hallways that lead to your room. Inside, was everything one could ever hope to have; an extensive closet filled with things that were made especially for you, various trinkets and baubles carefully selected for you, state of the art electronic devices, albeit with restrictions on the amount of things you could access… just for the time being though. If you were to start off as a bird in a cage, it should be a bejeweled cage worthy of a rarity like you.

As it got closer to the time you’d be seeing Giorno, your nerves started increasing exponentially, you knew that under normal circumstances, having to meet with someone like him without knowing what the subject matter would be was intimidating, but this feeling was something else altogether. As if something in your gut was telling you to cancel- to run- but you dismissed those feelings, and prepared yourself for the engagement.

“Buonasera cara, you look especially charming this evening…” he greeted you with a velvety voice that masked the true nature of him being there.

“Buonasera Don Giovanna, thank you for the compliment,”

“Shall we leave, (y/n)?”

“Um, okay… I just need to fetch my things and let my father know that I’m leaving…”

“Alright, perfect, actually, would you mind if I followed you? I’d like a quick word with him before we leave,” his expression was so charismatic, you felt guilty for not inviting him inside immediately.

“Of course, I’m sorry, please do come in.” you say as you stepped aside to make room for Giorno to enter. You lead him to the study and went to fetch your coat and purse to go, giving yourself a onceover in the mirror to make sure you were presentable and with that you kissed your father on the cheek and left.

The restaurant that you and Giorno went to was completely empty except for a single table set up for you both and the staff that were going to serve you, you found it odd, but dismissed it as one of the nuances of leading a mafia, privacy was of utmost importance. Ever the gentleman, the young don pulled out your chair for you and seated himself across from you.

“Thank you for agreeing to see me (y/n), I appreciate you taking the time to do so,”

“Of course, although I have to admit, I’m a little confused as to why I’m here,” you say with a nervous titter. The waiter brought a bottle of wine to the table, probably preapproved by Giorno already, and with a small nod, it is poured out into the awaiting glasses for the two of you.

“You will understand soon enough cara, come, lets toast to something… ah! To new beginnings…” he suggested with a sardonic smile.

“New beginnings? Okay… to new beginnings, salute!” with a confused smile and a delicate clink of your glasses you both took a sip of your wine. As the night went on, you were having a wonderful time, however, it seemed like your alcohol was getting to you faster than usual.

“Are you alright, cara, you look a bit out of sorts, come, I’ll take you home,”

“Thanks Don, I… I’m sorry I don’t know-” before completing the rest of your sentence, your consciousness faded and you fell into a strong pair of arms. Giorno sat you back down and made a quick call to his driver before picking you up again and placing you in the awaiting car to take you to your new home. As he gazed lovingly upon your face, he knew that the road is going to be a tedious one, but you would love him one day.

Your head pounded incessantly as you tried to open your eyes. The sensations on your skin were unfamiliar- soft, silken, so inviting, lulling you back into the deep slumber you were trying to break. Was this a dream? Your eyes finally opened to an unfamiliar room, you gathered the courage to sit up in bed, still unsure if you were in a dream or not and tried to rub the sleep out of your eyes. Looking around the room, feeling a sense of panic enveloping your very existence, you ran towards the large, ornately carved door to try and leave the room, but it was locked. The windows, it seemed, were crafted from reinforced glass as they would not break regardless of what was thrown at them. Left with only one option, you began to cry out for help, surely someone would be there, it was too well kept to be an abandoned building.

Listening to the commotion from outside the room were the guards and servants tasked with making sure your requests were fulfilled, but more importantly, they needed to ensure you were safe and didn’t escape. Giorno had a way with people, a charisma that both scared and enchanted those around him. Disobedience was not even a fleeting option for those who served him, partly out of fear, but mostly out of devotion to the young don. Giving each other a knowing glance, your guard decided to call his boss to come and subdue you before you had hurt yourself.

Your throat felt raw from the shouting and hyperventilating, your skin shimmered, veiled in a thin layer of sweat and your eyes shifted this way and that, trying to spot something you could exploit to leave the room while your captor was away. It dawned on you that as terrifying as it was to be in that place, it would be even worse if you had to face whoever was holding you there, choosing rather to contend with the fear of the unknown, than putting a face to your jailor. As if even thinking of something willed it into existence, your worst nightmare materialized as you heard the door being unlocked.

“Tesoro… please stop, you’re hurting yourself,” your eyes widened when you heard the velvety voice addressing you with such tenderness.

“Don… Giovanna? Where am I? What are you doing here? Please, I need to go home, I don’t know who brought me here…” you could barely articulate yourself with your shaky voice.

“I know that you’re extremely scared and confused… there’s so much I need to explain to you… but please, first, let me look at your hands, you are hurt, I can take care of that,” it was only after he spoke that you saw the bruises blooming on the delicate skin of your hands and arms. You still stayed rooted to where you were, but Giorno inched closer, materializing GE to heal your injuries. His heart stung when you silently grimaced at the pain of his ability rejoining the blood vessels that had broken, but he hated seeing your beautiful skin being marred like that.

“Don…”

“Please, call me Giorno…”

“Okay… Giorno… can we go now? I need to go home, if we stay any longer the people who put me here might come back or send others, I…”

“Tesoro… this is your home now… the person who brought you here was me… what is the last thing you remember from yesterday?” The young don circled around you and sat you down next to him at the foot of the bed.

“Why? Why did you bring me here? Are you insane? I can’t stay here, I… don’t understand what the hell is going on! I need to call my father,” seeing you start to get agitated again, Giorno pulled out his phone and motioned for you to take it.

“Here, call him, he has already agreed to this arrangement. You’re not safe my love, I’m sure you know about the recent transgressions courtesy of your cretin of a brother. People are angry and want revenge, and unfortunately you’re in the direct line of fire. So it was decided that you would come and live with me, you’ll find all your belongings here already, mixed with things that I believe you would like. I will give you anything your heart desires, lavish you with all the love and attention I can. All you need to do is stay here… near me… nobody can challenge me…”

You heard the words, but nothing was making sense to you. You decided to take up your captor’s offer to speak to your father, who confirmed his entire story. Feeling dejected, empty and completely alone, you sank to the floor as violent sobs wracked your body. Seeing you in this state filled Giorno with dread as he lifted you off the lushly carpeted floor, but he knew he would be able to get you to love him eventually. This was this the initial shock; he was willing to wait for you to acclimate to your surroundings.

Thus began your life of isolation… your routine, if you could even call it that, consisted of waking up in your palatial room, begrudgingly having breakfast with your green-eyed abductor and sulking around for the rest of the day. Giorno put a lot of effort into making sure that you were comfortable and tried to interact with you as much as his schedule would allow him to. Initially, all of his attempts to speak to you were ignored, you wondered if the awkward silence even bothered him at all, but he always had a peaceful expression on his face. If nothing else, he was very patient with you, and at times you tested his patience on purpose, goading him to anger, in those times though, he simply left you alone in your room, not allowing you to leave for a few days, instructing your handlers to confiscate your electronics, not even offering you a sliver of human contact… you needed to think about why you were in that position after all, so there could be no distractions whatsoever. Those isolation periods would thankfully not last long enough to tip you over the edge though, and like a ray of sunshine after a storm, he’d come to unlock your doors and add color back into your world. You always were more affectionate towards him after a few days on your own, which, you reasoned, was due to the lack of any interaction at all as opposed to having any genuine feelings towards him. Giorno wasn’t picky though, he accepted your gentle touches and embraces all the same, one day… soon… you would undertake those gestures solely on your desire to do so.

Surely enough, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, you had warmed up to him, settling into an oddly satisfying domestic life with the don. The more of yourself you gave to him, the wider your world had gotten, until you eventually had free reign over the entire estate. You soon had come to realize that if you had just played your part, and listened to him, complied with his simple requests, his kindness towards you was limitless. Giorno had remained as attentive as ever, picking up on every little change on you from the subtle change in the color of your blush to the miniscule changes in the length of your hair after its trimmed, nothing escaped his well trained eye. He beamed when you started to wear the clothes and jewels he bought for you, seeing it as a sign that you were slowly starting to accept him. The truth of the situation was that you had, against your better judgement, fallen in love with this living deity.

“Giorno… the weather’s warming up quite beautifully, why don’t we train outdoors from now on instead of working out inside?” you suggested while you kneeled on the bed behind a seated Giorno as you undid his elaborate hairstyle and brushed out the product from his hair before he took a shower.

“Hmmm… alright bella, I suppose we could do that, I’m sure the fresh air would do us both some good,” as he got up, he bent down to place a chaste kiss on your forehead before heading into the shower. For a fleeting moment, you thought about your old life, you had earned back the liberty to speak to your family, well, your father, and some friends, but the fractured relationships weren’t the same. Pushing those negative feelings to the back of your mind, you waited for Giorno so that you could both go to sleep, but your heavy eyelids fell shut. His patience with you was never more evident than in these moments, never once overstepping your boundaries or initiating intimacy that would make you feel uncomfortable. Emerging to see your sleeping form, he pulled up the covers around you and climbed into the other side of the bed, facing you, he clutched your hands in his, allowing himself to close his eyes as well.

“We’ve managed to locate her… you aren’t going to like this though,”

“Just tell me where my daughter is, I’ll decide the rest,” your mother spoke bluntly to her partner.

“She’s living with some mafia boss; I think he’s her boyfriend or something. You never see her out on her own, she’s always with him. I’ve got people watching your husband’s house, she’s only been there once, with the cocky bastard in tow. The security at his place is insane, worst of all, we think he’s a stand user,”

“Stand user? Don’t make me laugh, that means nothing, we’re stand users too, every ability has a weakness that can be exploited,” your mother lit a cigarette and took a long drag, musing on what her first move should be. After a moment of contemplation, she had her sights set on her old marital home, deciding that your father would be able to provide the most complete description of what is going on. She portrayed a nonchalant exterior, but your mother was very worried for your safety. She had a powerful stand of her own, in fact all the members of your family were powerful stand users- except you. Your mother worked closely with a foreign organization dedicated to studying supernatural phenomena as such, most of her time was divided between her travels on behalf of the organization and work that she would need to do onsite at their headquarters in Washington. Over her lifetime, she’s found herself in many precarious positions, so she decided it would be safer if she stayed away from the family in an attempt to keep everyone safe… upon hindsight, that was a fatal miscalculation. To describe her mood after speaking to your father as livid, would be an understatement.

Not wasting a moment, your mother called her associate and made her way to the don’s villa, hell-bent on taking you back from his dark clutches.

“Bella, are you ready to go?” Giorno called to you as he pulled on his coat while you put on your last accessory. You never turned down an opportunity to go out, even though your outings became slightly more frequent, you were completely captivated by discovering the different facets to Giorno’s personality. As much as he was fervently observing you and curating an ideal world tailored to you, you were learning a lot about him and the circumstances that fashioned him in this manner.

“Yes tesoro, sorry for keeping you waiting… what is it?” you were met by a wide-eyed Giorno, and it hit you… Tesoro… the name trickled so effortlessly off your lips, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t really thinking…”

“Don’t apologize amore, as long as it’s you, I don’t mind…” he softly replied, as he stroked your cheek with the back of his forefinger. You heard a faint clatter accompanied by the ring of Giorno’s phone, informing him that there had been a security breach. The soft expression on his face was gone, as he gripped you with a protective arm.

Before you had time to ask him what was going on, you heard your name being called out by a voice you barely remembered, one you didn’t think you’d hear again.

“Mother?” your voice was a whisper. Your mother looked at you, disdain skewing her features before turning her attention to Giorno, whose grip continued to tighten around you.

“(y/n), I’ve come to take you away from here, it’s obvious leaving you in the care of your father was a mistake. And you, step away from her this instant, you will regret it if you don’t,”

You hadn’t noticed the swarm of black suits that had surrounded you all, ready to pounce at Giorno’s command. His intense gaze had not left your face while your mother spoke, searching for the slightest tell indicating you might have known about this, but you were just as perplexed as he was… the guilt of him doubting you twisting his features even further.

“It’s alright, stand down men… while you really have a nerve of breaking into my property, I feel that this can be solved amicably, I’d hate for (y/n) to have to contend with any discord between us,” he spoke with a calm, even voice but that didn’t match the fury brewing in his eyes.

“Amicable? You take my daughter away from her home and you still feel like this is something that can be talked out of? You really are a piece of work!”

“Better to be the overbearing lover than the neglectful mother…” Giorno’s tone was dripping with cynicism as he handed you to one of your awaiting guards.

“You sick bastard!” your mother cried out. As if being pushed back by a glowing force that you couldn’t quite discern, the young don was thrown backwards. You hated feeling so powerless. Giorno sat up and smiled mockingly, before launching into an attack of his own you assumed, as you saw a similar golden glow envelop his body, and the bodies of the security personnel backing him up.

“Please, stop it! All of you!” you wanted to run out between them but you were restrained by your guard. It didn’t take long for Giorno and his men to restrain your mother and her associate, taking care to leave them largely unharmed while you were still present. Giorno had made one fatal error though… blame it on overconfidence or his need to constantly check on you, he had turned away and left himself wide open for a last ditch attack from your mother as she broke free. At that very moment, your body moved itself before you could even think, and faster than you ever thought possible, pushing him out of the way with only a second to spare, as the attack hit the very spot he had stood on just a moment before, shattering the marble flooring on contact. The room was enveloped in silence, Giorno motioned for his guards to leave the room, as did your mother to her partner.

“(y/n) … tesoro mio… are you okay? You… you saved me…” he said as he kneeled next to your shaking, winged form, combing his hands through your hair as he tried to get a look at your face. You looked up to see Giorno with a wide eyed golden figure hovering over him, approaching you was your mother, with a luminescent humanoid woman matching her footsteps.

“Tesoro, it seems you’re a stand user after all,” mentioned Giorno, still gazing at you, this time with an expression you hadn’t seen from him before. Completely overwhelmed by the recent events, you sat for a moment, trying to regulate your breathing with the exercises Giorno practiced with you when your anxiety overwhelmed you.

“So these are what stands are… they look terrifying…” you say, finally managing to normalize your breathing and take command of your senses once again. “where is my stand then? I presume these two figures belong to you and mother.”

“Yours is different amore… are you able to walk? Come with me…” Giorno lead you to one of the mirrors so you could see how your stand manifested; you had large wings that had sprouted from your back, your eyes glowed colorlessly, and you had luminescent geometric patterns running down your face and body, akin to the patterns you would find on a circuit board. “You have what is known as a phenomenon stand, this means that it changes your body rather than manifesting a separate entity,”

“I see…”

“We can figure out the extent of your abilities another time, for now I need to see those injuries,”

“Excuse me? You’re not doing anything further with her, I’m still serious about taking back (y/n),” interjected your mother sarcastically.

“Are you trying to anger me on purpose? I loathe having to repeat myself. Do not mistake my unwillingness to kill you this very instant on anything other than respect for (y/n),”

“Likewise…”

“You’re both so selfish!” surprised to hear you raise your voice that much, both parties were stunned to silence.

“I’m a person with my own will, I have feelings, thoughts, desires, dreams… but neither of you bother to consider any of that… Giorno, you essentially abducted me, under the ruse of protecting me, I’m sure you would have found a way to keep me safe while I lived my own life, if it was that important to you, but you weren’t interested in that… if you had just approached me like a normal person, I’d still have fallen for you… well I guess now we’ll never know … And you… mother- I use that term liberally- abandoned me… abandoned us, I don’t care what the reasons were, you left me to grow up without a mother, and now you come here and ridicule me with this dramatic display of affection,” your voice began to crack but you wouldn’t let them see you cry, not so soon after finally finding your voice, so you left them there and went off to your special spot in the far corner of the estate. You knew that Giorno created that little piece of heaven for you strategically, as it was visible from his study, but it served as your safe place, and it was what you needed right now.

Giorno’s mind was clouded and he felt an uncomfortable suffocating sensation in his chest. Glancing at your mother it was apparent that your emotional outpouring had affected her as well.

“I think its best if you leave,”

“Wait, Giorno… perhaps this approach wasn’t the best way to do this, I underestimated you…”

“For the sake of curiosity, what do you propose?”

“That’s going to depend on how you answer my next question…”

“For someone with as few options as you have, you’re incredibly brazen,” shot back Giorno, clearly becoming tired of the conversation.

“I spoke to her father before coming here… he told me about my son… is… is he dead?” speaking earnestly this time, your mother steeling herself for what the young don would say to her. He observed her intently, debating whether it would be safe to divulge any information to her.

“That’s classified information,” he said, knowing full well that the idiot was alive somewhere, unable to be a threat to anyone again, unfortunately he couldn’t divulge this information to anyone. If she was smart enough she would be able to figure it out for herself, any more than that he could not offer.

“I understand… Fine, I’ll back off, (y/n) can stay here… but I need to speak to her, to explain everything, when she’s ready though…”

Giorno contemplated for a moment, feeling oddly moved by the change in your mother’s demeanor, he found himself agreeing with her, “Fine… I’ll allow it, but I can’t have you here, never again, if you need to see her, we’ll come to you… if that’s all, I need to check on (y/n)” Your mother took her leave, thoughts of the bizarre events of the day dominating her thoughts.

You listlessly played with the water in the fountain you sat beside, eyeing the way the sunshine made the droplets that fell from your fingertips look like gems. Hearing the scrunching sound of grass being stepped on, you knew that Giorno was approaching you. Unwilling to turn around to face him, you continued to look at the water.

“May I sit with you?” his voice was tender and didn’t match his imposing figure. Looking up his striking face, framed by golden waves, you nodded wordlessly.

“Talk to me cara…”

“What do you want me to say?”

“What’s on your mind…”

You paused, thinking carefully before starting to speak. “There’s so much on my mind… I… I just can’t understand you. You bring me here under the most dubious circumstances, but treat me like I’m the center of your world. I want to hate you for taking me away from my world, but I’ve never felt as loved by anyone in that world as much as I do here with you. How can you look at me with eyes so gentle now, when those same eyes were ready to kill not even two hours ago? How am I supposed to make up my mind about you when your every action contradicts the next?”

“It’s simple bella… I love you… you’re above the rules I set for everyone else… my one weakness is you, I’m sorry, I just don’t know how else to be, it’s either everything or nothing. Perhaps, forget about what you think and focus on how you feel… You know, we aren’t that different, the two of us… so many parents between us and barely enough traits among them to make up one good guardian, having to basically raise ourselves, so much pressure from such a young age, being scared of what lurks in the dark, experiencing so much physical pain, you just become immune to it. I have to admit, I was jealous of that brave assault by your mother, I don’t know if anyone would do the same for me… except you of course… you almost died to get me out of harm’s way… and just when I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I do…”

The gentle way he cupped your chin, as if you were made of crystal, and the swirl of emotion in his eyes, compelled you to act on your impulses, kissing him passionately, releasing some of the pent up emotions and frustrations that have been building up for the longest time. His free hand curled itself around your waist, while your hands tangled themselves in his hair. Resting your forehead on his, you hear him murmuring affirmations of his love for you.

“I love you too, Gio,” the words just rolled off your tongue as if you were always meant to say them. Giorno, seemingly moved by your placid declaration, buried his face in your hair, inhaling the floral scent of your shampoo that he loved so much. What you didn’t see was the sardonic smile blooming on his handsome face. He always was a master at deception… although, it couldn’t be classified as deception if most of what he said was true… could it? He didn’t want to play the sympathy card today, but it was the only way he could firmly cement your place with him for good. Pulling away for a moment, looking at the love-struck expression on your face as you softly move your hand from his hair to his chest, he could see that you were finally complete- entirely devoted to him… there was no room for guilt this time.

#giorno giovanna x reader #giorno x reader #Hades!Giorno x Persephone! Reader #Hades x Persephone modern AU #yandere jjba prt 5 #yandere giogio #yandere giorno #giorno giovanna #giorno #yandere jjba x reader #kidnapping #manipulation

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

Text

𝑀𝑦 𝐺𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑃𝑡.2 (𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎×𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟)

Part One/ Part Three / Part Four

Pairing: Badboy! Park Seonghwa (Ateez)/ Reader (Female)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, College Au.

Summary: Y/N has no idea what to make of the mysterious Park Seonghwa. Does he really like her or is he simply playing with her?

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

Flipping the light switches off, Y/N typed in the security code into the pin pad before closing the door behind her, the faint beeping from inside letting her know that the alarm was functioning properly. She honestly wondered at times about if anyone would ever think about robbing a coffee shop. Granted it made a lot of money during certain seasons, but unless you actually work in one, you probably wouldn't think so. Yet it was surprising to know it could make as much money as any famous fast food restaurant. Well.....with those sky high prices, it made sense.

She stopped and checked to make sure she had everything in her bag, not wanting to risk having left her keys inside and find out until she reached her apartment. Satisfied by the confirmation, she began her walk home. If it had been fall or winter, she would have seriously considered taking a bus, even though it wasn't that far away. But it was summer and thankfully there was still an hour left before the sun finally set. She truly believed she was lucky to have found a place to live that was close not only to her workplace, but also her school, even if it was a tiny studio apartment. She felt proud to say it was hers.

Feeling something tug on her sneaker, she looked down and realized one of her shoes was untied. She bent down and began tying it up again, carelessly placing her bag right next to her on the street. She was so focused on her task in front of her, she failed to notice the looming figure in front of her.

"You know anybody could just whisk away your bag and run at this moment?"

She snapped her head back up and saw Seonghwa standing in front of her, an amused smile on his face. He bent down and picked up her bag, dusting off the dirt that had gotten on the bottom part of it in the process.

"Tsk. Tsk. And here I thought you were a more.... what's the word? Meticulous person."

Y/N gave him a questioning gaze before standing up, quickly grabbing her bag from him.

"Not even a thank you?" Seonghwa shook his head.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you went home." Y/N said, clearly confused as to why he'd be there still.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at her.

"I thought I told you back in the shop that I'd see you later?"

Y/N recalled the moment, it did seem weird to her that he'd say that.

"Well doll, it's later......and I wanted to see you." He explained, a slight smirk tugging on the corners of his lips.

Y/N let out a tiny scoff.

"Why?"

Seonghwa blinked at her response.

"I thought I made myself clear the other day Y/N. I like you."

Y/N blushed slightly at the memory of him confronting her back in school. She was hoping the shadow from the building in front of her casted enough to hide it from him.

"And I said there would be plenty of time to get to know each other.....well I'm free right now and obviously so are you. So why don't we get something to eat? My treat."

He grinned at her, obviously not expecting her to turn down his offer. Any other girl wouldn't say no to Seonghwa. But Y/N wasn't any girl, and she wasn't about to say yes to someone she hardly knew. Especially not when he acted so strange for her liking.

"No thank you."

She quickly responded and took a step to walk away from him, but his hand reached out and stopped her from moving any further.

"Why not?" He asked.

Y/N tried to think of an excuse, any quick excuse to get out of this.

"I'm not hungry." Was the best thing she could think of.

The loud grumbling of her stomach was a dead giveaway of her fat lie. After working 8 hours straight with only a bowl of cereal for breakfast and a muffin on her only break, of course she was borderline starving and needed something in her stomach before it began eating itself. Her hands clutched her stomach, hoping to silence the obnoxious noise, but ultimately just making it more obvious.

Seonghwa looked down at her figure and snorted softly.

"Seriously, I know a really good place here that sells burgers and shakes. Are you really going to say no to free food?"

At this point she could either tell him to fuck off and stomp away home, but ultimately she'd leave even more hungry and would still have to whip up something on the stove that would take approximately half an hour or more. Or she could accept his offer, but it'd mean interacting with him, not that it was necessarily a bad thing, but she honestly didn't know what to make of him. He's been straightforward with her all this time, but how was she to know he was being serious? For all she knew, he could just be playing with her. After all, isn't that what all bad boys are known for?

Guess there was only one way to find out.

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

Y/N looked around at the 50's themed diner she was in:

Black and white tiled floor that was so clean it almost looked slippery. Cherry red leather seats, either in the form of booths, tables or chairs on the front white counter that stretched at least 40 feet. An array of old records hanged on the wall, whether or not you could actually play them on a record player or if they were just flimsy decorations would forever be a secret. An old juke box was stationed in one of the corners of the counter currently playing The Beatles, its color combination of yellow and blue not quite appealing to the eyes. And of course, a pinball machine was placed near the entrance for kids to waste their quarters on. They even had a light blue 1955 convertible Chevrolet Bel Air for people to go take pictures of or with. At this point it wouldn't have surprised Y/N if waitresses came out of the kitchen in roller skates and started singing songs from Grease or Hairspray.

It became an even more ironic thought when she saw Seonghwa walk back to her with their food. Dressed in a white shirt, distressed jeans, black combat boots and black leather jacket with his hair slicked back, he could almost be a modern day Danny Zuko and for some reason, that thought made her bust a tiny giggle.

"What's so funny?" Seonghwa asked as he sat the tray down in front of her.

"Oh....nothing." She was not about to get caught.

Seonghwa looked at her funny, but ultimately decided not to pry.

"Here you go."

He slipped her food in front of her: a burger the size of her two hands and a 32 ounce chocolate shake with whipped chocolate and a cherry on the top. A well sized platter with regular fries and curly fries made it obvious that they were going to share them. She didn't mind though, the portions were so big she doubted she'd even finish half of it.

She dug into the food, her stomach thanking her for finally putting something in her body. She was so hungry that she didn't care if she was eating like how she usually ate when she was at home, messy and slobbish. She was halfway through her burger, when she caught Seonghwa just staring at her. That's when she started to feel self conscious. She quickly swallowed what was currently in her mouth and grabbed a napkin to wipe the corners of her mouth.

Seonghwa giggled at her.

"Don't worry about it. It's pretty refreshing to see a girl not care about how she looks like when she eats, and to actually eat. You have no idea how many girls I've brought here who only get salads and nothing else."

He cringed slightly at past memories of awful dates that make him wanna kick himself for even thinking they were attractive. He blamed himself though. He tended to only look at pretty faces and end up regretting it when he found out they were all self-centered, shallow, and prissy girls that just made his blood boil.

"Maybe that's why I like you. You're different."

He didn't even realize he said that out loud until she whipped her head up at him. He was stunned that he accidentally let that slip, but he was able to play it off coolly.

"How......how can you..... we've never even..?" Y/N couldn't even completely form her question but Seonghwa knew what she was referring to.

Sighing softly, he began:

"Well I'm going to sound like a total creep now but that's inevitable. It was a few months back, when you had changed majors and had to be transferred to our class..."

Seonghwa ignored the usual reprimand of the professor, telling him he was late again. As if he didn't do it on purpose. He just hated this class. It was undoubtedly one of the most boring subjects one could possibly take. He began to stare off into space, not even bothering to listen to what was being said.

He looked around at the familiar faces he saw in class, the same people from last year. Until a head of (insert hair color) hair caught his eye. She was definitely not there before. Seonghwa tried to think if he had ever seen her around before, but couldn't quite remember.

Unknowingly, he found himself staring at her more and more each time they had class together. He found out she had a habit of tapping her pen against her cheek when she was trying to concentrate, she kept everything in her bag organized and hardly socialized with anybody.

One time he followed her to her locker, just to briefly see what was inside of it. You can always tell a lot about a person based on how they decorate their locker. But Seonghwa only saw a few pictures of what he assumed was her family, few friends and a lot of sticky notes with motivational quotes written on them in various sharpie colors, with either stars or diamonds as decorations.

That just peeked his curiosity even more in trying to decipher who the mysterious girl was, and his curiosity turned to fondness for the girl, so he had no choice but to admit that he was attracted to her and wanted to get close to her.

"Wait. Is that why you were staring at me in class the other day?" Y/N asked after he told her all that.

"Took you long enough to notice too. You were so oblivious to it that it was kinda funny." He chuckled.

Y/N looked back at that moment and realized she still had so many questions left.

"But then why did you look angry after I looked away?"

Seonghwa shifted his position, sitting up straighter so he could look at her.

"Why? Cause you looked at me with such a bitch face and even rolled your eyes at me. I was kinda angry and hurt that you did that given how I feel about you." He explained.

Y/N looked at him confused.

"I did not roll my eyes at you."

"Uh....yeah. You did. You looked at me as if I was a bug or something." He corrected her.

"Well..... I was tired and hungry! I'm not in control of my actions or emotions when I'm in that state." She tried defending herself, feeling somewhat embarrassed that she had no control over her facial expressions.

"Yeah, I've noticed. You weren't all that happy 25 minutes ago when I asked you out on this date." Now it was Seonghwa's turn to roll his eyes at her previous behavior.

"This....this isn't a date!" Y/N exclaimed.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Oh no? Do enlighten me then. What is this?"

Y/N thought about it for a moment.

"We are just 2 individuals, having a meal together and conversing." She stated.

"Why are we conversing though?" Seonghwa continued to pry.

Y/N hummed.

"Because you said you wanted to get to know me better?"

Seonghwa smiled at that.

"Sounds to me like a date then."

Y/N mentally face palmed. She practically walked into that one herself. She sighed as she picked up one of the fries and dipped it into her milkshake before eating it.

"And now I've learnt one more thing about you: we have similar tastes in eating."

Y/N watched as he mirrored her actions and dipped his fries in his strawberry milkshake. Y/N decided to just finish eating as soon as possible so she could go home early. The sun was starting to set and she didn't like walking home in the dark, even if rarely any crime happened in this neighborhood. She was planning on not saying anything else, but then something popped in her mind that made her ask:

"Wait a minute! The day after the.....incident." She began.

"You mean when you were a total bitch?" Seonghwa teased.

"Haha, funny." She threw a fry at him, causing Seonghwa to laugh even harder.

She had to admit though, he had a cute laugh.

"Anyways, the day afterwards, I heard 2 girls talking in the bathroom about you. They said that you were pissed off at me-"

"I kinda was." He interrupted her again.

"Let me finish!" She cried out rather annoyed.

Seonghwa bit his lip as he stifled another laugh. He found it adorable when Y/N got agitated.

"They made it sound like you were going to beat me up. Something about 'giving it to me'" She held up her fingers in quoting signals.

Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to decipher what she meant. Then it hit him.

"Oh! No. Trust me, I wasn't going to beat you up. As for 'giving it to you' "

He mimicked her quotation signs, causing Y/N to glare at him for teasing her again.

"I was referring to the notepad you dropped. Remember? I gave it back to you?"

Now she face palmed literally as she realized she hadn't thought about that. And here she thought she was dead meat for sure.

"Was that why you were avoiding me the rest of the week? You actually believed I was going to fight you?"

Y/N swirled her milkshake with her straw, unable to look at Seonghwa in the eyes anymore.

"Y/N? I'm talking to you. You really believed that?"

The authority in his voice made her look up at him, his expression showing offense and indignation at the thought that she actually believed him capable of such a thing.

"Why would you think that?" He continued his interrogation.

"Well..... I don't know! Ok? Maybe cause I've heard so many rumors about you. You don't exactly have the best of reputations at school. Everyone says how you're...."

Her voice trailed off, afraid to finish her sentence, afraid to offend or hurt him in anyway .

"That I'm a delinquent? A criminal?"

Y/N blinked when he said that, as if he could read her mind.

"I know what people say about me, I'm not blind nor deaf to their gossip." He stated, not at all unfazed by what he often heard.

"So does that mean none of it is true?" She couldn't help but want the answer to her question.

"Well depends. Have I gotten into a lot of fights with other guys? Yes. Do I have a temper at times that gets me in trouble? Yes. Have I fucked a bunch of girls just for fun? Definitely. Do I smoke or drink often? I'm not denying it."

Seonghwa reached into his pocket and took out his lighter, twirling it around in his hand a few times so Y/N could get a glance at it before putting it back in his pants.

"But have I ever vandalized, stolen or done anything remotely illegal? No. Have I beaten someone up for no good reason? No."

Y/N listened to his words very carefully. She was amazed how he was calmly telling her all of this.

"And I most certainly have never even thought about lifting a finger against a woman. Especially not one I'm interested in." He confessed abruptly, causing Y/N to gulp her drink a little fast, nearly making her choke.

"I'm sorry." She apologized.

Seonghwa chuckled softly.

"Don't be. I get why you'd be scared. I just wish you'd get to know the real me......"

He reached his hand out and lightly brushed his finger on the top of her knuckles.

"Kinda like how I want to know you..."

The physical contact sent a weird feeling down her body. It was chilly, yet warm at the same time. She wanted to reach out and lace her fingers in his, and she would have, until a high pitched voice interrupted them.

"Seonghwa! Is that you?!"

They looked over to see a purple haired boy waving his hand in the air, as if his loud voice didn't make his presence already known. A pink haired boy was standing next to him, looking embarrassed as his friend jumped up and down. Having had enough of that, he pulled the boy by his arm and ran over to Seonghwa and Y/N's table.

"Hi! What a coincidence to see you here! Why didn't you tell us you would be here? You could have joined Yeosang and I. He promised to take me out to eat." He pulled whom Y/N assumed to be Yeosang closer to him.

The purple haired boy spoke so loud and fast Y/N had a hard time understand what he was saying.

"Promised? I was threatened." Yeosang replied, causing the other boy to let out a loud laugh, making Y/N think of a hyena.

"Hyung, where are your manners? Aren't you going to introduce us to your girlfriend?"

Seonghwa blushed and cleared his throat. It was the first time Y/N saw him get flustered and it was definitely funny.

"Y/N isn't my girlfriend-"

"Oh really? Great! Cause she's cute."

The boy wasted no time and held his hand out to her.

"My name is Wooyoung, I'm single, Bi, and I have a driver's license." He winked at her.

"For a moped." Yeosang corrected him.

Wooyoung sent a glare towards his friend.

"Y/N, these are my friends: Wooyoung and Yeosang. They go to our school, but you've probably never seen them cause they're a grade below us."

Y/N nodded and waved awkwardly at them.

"Yeosang, Wooyoung, this is Y/N. She's not my girlfriend, but she's off limits. Ok?" Seonghwa made sure to lock eyes with Wooyoung, silently warning him not to step any further into his territory.

"So if she's not your girlfriend, does that mean she's a fuck bud-"

Yeosang stepped on Wooyoung's foot, causing him to bend over in pain. Yeosang however smiled sweetly as if nothing happened.

"Anyways, it was nice seeing you Hyung. We wouldn't want to take up more of your time. Besides, we'll be seeing you tomorrow at Hongjoong's party. Right?"

Seonghwa nodded.

"You know I never pass up an opportunity to party."

"Will you bring Y/N with you?" Wooyoung asked, hoping she'd come.

Seonghwa looked over to Y/N, who tried to think of an answer.

"Uh... no thanks. I wasn't invited so-"

"Who cares? No one needs an invitation these days. It's a frat party anyways, a bunch of strangers end up coming in the end." Wooyoung insisted.

"I'll....think about it." Y/N knew she wouldn't.

"Ok! I'll take it as a yes. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Taking a hold of Yeosang's hand, Wooyoung made his way over to another table, the pink haired boy already looking exhausted at the thought of spending at least 2 more hours with his highly energetic friend.

Y/N smiled softly at them. They were definitely an odd pairing, but they seemed to compliment each other.

"It's getting late. Want me to take you home?" Seonghwa asked her.

"It's fine. I can walk. It's not that far." She refused.

"I insist. I want to make sure you get there safely." He insisted.

Y/N smirked at him.

"Are you really concerned for my safety or do you just wanna find out where I live?"

Seonghwa's mouth dropped at her insinuation.

"I don't..... ok you got me there."

She chuckled at his reaction, but ultimately got up.

"Ok. Fine. Take me home. The worst you can possibly do is murder me and throw my body in a lake."

Seonghwa shook his head and picked up his jacket. He made sure to hold the door open for her when they went out. Y/N didn't even notice he had stopped walking until she heard him whistle behind her. Turning around, she saw him standing next to a black Harley-Davidson motorcycle. She raised her hands and gestured him to explain.

"I told you I was taking you home."

He tapped the seat.

"So come on. Hop on doll."

He began taking out the spare helmet for her to put on. She walked back to him and placed her hands on her hips.

"You kept it parked here the entire time?" She asked him.

"Uh huh." He responded.

Her face was full of shock.

"Did you know that I would say yes to coming here with you?"

"Well not exactly 'knew'.......more like....hoped."

He winked at her before placing the helmet above her head, making sure to strap it tightly.

"Safety first."

After putting on his own helmet, he got on the motorcycle and waited for her to get on. She awkwardly threw her leg over the seat and hesitated to wrap her arms around him. Seonghwa huffed and simply grabbed her wrists to put them on his stomach.

As soon as he started revving up the motorcycle, Y/N tightened her grip around him. Even through his shirt, she could feel rock solid abs underneath it. It made her wonder what he looked like without a shirt. The thought temporarily distracted her from the worry of actually riding in a motorcycle for the first time.

Sensing her fear, Seonghwa grabbed one of her hands and gave it a light squeeze.

"Don't worry doll. I'll keep you safe."

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*part 3 coming soon*

#ateez #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #ateez scenarios #ateez school au #badboy!seonghwa #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #ateez angst #ateez seonghwa scenarios #ateez seonghwa fluff #ateez seonghwa fanfic #ateez seonghwa angst #park seonghwa fanfic #park seonghwa fluff #park seonghwa angst #park seonghwa scenarios #ateez yeosang #ateez wooyoung

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jaskierswolf · 3 years

Text

Happy Birthday to my dearest Disney Spouse @dani-dandelino! You’ve been such a rock for me and I absolutely adore you ❤️ I hope you enjoy this little modern Jaskilion AU that I wrote for you! 🥰

Thank you @funkylittlebard for beta-ing!

____________

The thunder rumbled outside the window, the rain hammering down on the pavement as headlights flashed intermittently. Storms had never been Dandelion’s favourite so Jaskier had insisted they build a pillow fort as a distraction. That was how Dandelion found himself caught under a mess of couch cushions and blankets, his head in Jaskier’s lap. There were fake tea lights stationed around the cramped space, lighting up the den with flickering orange light, fairy lighting pinned into the cushions above their head. It was cosy, made even cosier by their matching onesies. Jaskier had a tiger, and Dandelion had been forced into a lion version. Normally, he preferred to wear something a little more refined and he’d never really seen the appeal of onesies, but Jaskier had pouted at him and he’d been putty in his hands, and he had to admit that it was comfy.

The fort had been a good idea. He could barely make out Jaskier’s face in the dark, but he could see enough to know that his boyfriend was smiling down at him.

“Sweetheart?”

Jaskier’s hands didn’t stop running through his scalp, and his boyfriend hummed under his breath. The same song that had been playing at the restaurant where they had their first date. Dandelion wondered whether his boyfriend remembered.

“I love you, dearest.”

“I love you too, dear heart,” Jaskier replied, a soft happy sigh to his voice. “Did I tell you about the incident at the dog park today?”

Dandelion smiled, Jaskier had told him twice already, but he knew that the actor was trying to distract him from the storm, so he shook his head. “You know, I don’t believe you have?”

Jaskier cackled. “It was fucking brilliant, I was out walking Roach, because Geralt’s out of town on for an interview, and Valdo bloody Marx just strolls up to be with that rat that he calls a dog…”

Dandelion closed his eyes, focusing on the soft tenor of Jaskier’s voice, listening to every cadence, every hitch in his breath. He knew the words by heart at this point, but Jaskier’s voice soothed him. It washed over him like waves lapping at the sand, constant and ever-changing. The heat of the sunrays against his skin, warming his soul right down to the tips of his toes. Dandelion would be able to pick out Jaskier’s voice from even the largest of crowds. He was so attuned to the melodic tenor that had become the soundtrack to his life, that Dandelion could hear Jaskier long before his boyfriend came into sight.

The actor was a natural-born storyteller, they’d often joked that the brunet had to sit on his hands to stop himself from waving them around like he was trying to land a plane. He was funny, flirty and brilliant. Dandelion was completely smitten. They’d met on set, as most people in the industry did. Dandelion was the writer and showrunner for a rather delightful show about monsters and monster slayers, heroics and heartbreak. Jaskier was playing a charming young bardling and Geralt, his witcher friend and love of his life.

Dandelion had been completely blown away by the natural chemistry between Geralt and Jaskier, but once they’d wrapped Jaskier had texted him out of the blue and asked if he’d like to get dinner. Apparently, he’d been pining over Dandelion since day one, and when Dandelion had assumed he was laughing with Geralt over some flirty inside joke, Geralt had actually been teasing Jaskier about his crush.

The blushes had all been for him.

That had been three seasons ago and now they were living together in their studio flat in London. It was a luxury that Dandelion had never expected when he started writing as a child and later on as a teen starting to write, some honestly questionable, fan fiction… and now here he was, a showrunner and lead writer on his very own TV show with his cute actor boyfriend.

It was beyond his wildest dreams.

“Lion?” Jaskier’s hand brushed against his forehead, sweeping the hair from his face. “Are you even listening to me?”

Dandelion grinned sheepishly and repeated back a random part of the story, but by Jaskier’s pout he knew he’d gotten it wrong. “I’m sorry, darling, I was just so lost in thought about your beauty and your voice is so ethereal, so radiant, so….”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flattery will get you everywhere,” Jaskier giggled. “Ooh shall we watch a movie?”

Dandelion rolled over and sat up so he was pressed against Jaskier’s side. Jaskier giggled and wrapped his arm around Dandelion’s shoulder. He was always astounded by how strong the actor was under the puffy costumes he wore on set, with arms almost as muscular as Geralt’s, broad shoulders and thick thighs. God, he was so weak. Dandelion himself was tall, taller than both Geralt and Jaskier, but he was slender like the flower he named himself after.

“The Lion King?” he asked, trying his best to sound pathetic and whiny so that Jaskier would give in. His boyfriend preferred The Little Mermaid, but it was stormy and Dandelion was stressed so really they should get to watch his favourite film.

“Hmm,” Jaskier replied, sounding a little too much like Geralt for Dandelion’s liking. It was a rather annoying habit that Jaskier had picked up having spent so much time on set with his co-star, honestly without Dandelion’s smooth words in his mouth, Jaskier was a bit of a mess.

“Oh come on, Jask, my darling, light of my life and—”

“I’m not pretending to lift you up like Simba.”

Dandelion grinned and launched himself at his boyfriend, knocking them both to the ground. “Pinned ya!” Dandelion giggled, rubbing his nose against Jaskier’s.

Jaskier made a show of rolling his eyes but pulled Dandelion into a kiss. It was nothing they hadn’t done before but it still had his heart racing and the world seemed to spin.

The world really did seem to spin as Jaskier flipped them over, knocking the electric tea lights flying and one of the blankets of the roof caved in around his boyfriend’s shoulders. Dandelion giggled and took advantage of Jaskier’s distraction as he tried to free himself from his blanket cage. Their positions were flipped again and Dandelion pressed a kiss to Jaskier’s forehead.

“Pinned ya, again,” he said, trying to mimic Nala as best he could. He even gave Jaskier his best doe eyes.

His boyfriend pouted up at him, bottom lip quivering, fringe knocked almost completely off his forehead, so Dandelion really couldn’t help pressing another kiss there. It was just so large.

“Stop it,” Jaskier grumbled and swatted him out of the way so he could mess with his fringe.

“Never, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too, dear heart.”

“Do you love me enough to watch The Lion King?” Dandelion teased, brushing a thumb along Jaskier’s cheek. “My gorgeous, beautiful boyfriend.”

“I love you enough to watch nothing but The Lion King for the rest of my life, darling.”

Dandelion’s breath caught in his throat. The rest of life was a long time… that was, well that was a big commitment and… “That almost sounds like a proposal.”

“Ah, umm, well..” Jaskier stammered, his face flushed a deep red, dipping down beneath the zip of his tiger onesie into the thick chest hair that was only just visible.

Dandelion pulled back, sitting on his ankles, still straddling his boyfriend’s waist. “Jaskier…”

“No. No, no, no… it’s not. I wouldn’t….”

“Oh.”

“No! I mean… not like that, umm… I. Well, I had a plan?”

Dandelion felt his eyes go wide as his entire world stopped, narrowing down to just this wonderful idiot beneath him. “A plan?” he squeaked.

Jaskier stammered and stumbled over some nonsensical words until Dandelion leaned down to kiss him, hands cupping Jaskier’s face, brushing along the line of stubble that was starting to grow. His boyfriend melted into the kiss and hummed happily, fingers landing on Dandelion’s thighs.

“I love you, my dear,” Dandelion whispered against Jaskier’s lips, “and I would watch nothing but The Little Mermaid with you for the rest of my life…. if you asked.”

Jaskier scoffed. “You wouldn’t.”

Dandelion cocked his head. “Metaphorically speaking.”

“Oh… Oh… Oh shit, fucking cock. Wait here!” Jaskier all but shoved him off of him, and Dandelion went flying into the remaining cushions and blankets, knocking their pillow fort to ruins.

Dandelion was left, stunned, in the middle of the living room. He shielded his eyes from the sudden bright lights, having adjusted to the dark of the pillow fort. The room suddenly felt very dark and very empty. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, twirling the ends between his fingers. “What the fuck just happened?”

Jaskier was clattering about in their bedroom, a familiar stream of curses followed his boyfriend. It was usually endearing but there was an anxiety in Dandelion’s chest that seemed to weigh him down, taking away the colour that usually filled his life. He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

He’d ruined everything. Jaskier was packing his suitcase. He was probably already calling a cab, maybe booking a room at a hotel.

A loud clash of thunder made the building shake and Dandelion squeaked, throwing a blanket over his head. “Fucking, bloody storms, fuck!”

A hand on his shoulder startled him. He felt Jaskier’s legs wrapped around him and suddenly there was a second person under the blanket. Blue eyes lit up in the glow from Jaskier’s phone torch.

“Hey?”

Dandelion swallowed. “Sorry.”

“I just had to find something, I couldn’t do this without it.”

Dandelion chewed at his lips and pressed his forehead to Jaskier’s, breathing in the honied chamomile scent of his shampoo. He’d been overdramatic again. He should have known, but sometimes it wasn’t always easy.

“Dandelion, I. Umm… well I never learnt the speech I had prepared, but… will you watch only The Lion King with me for the rest of my life?” Jaskier whispered, his voice cracking at the end, and Dandelion felt a tear trickle down his cheek, only then realising that he was crying.

Even in the dark under the blanket Dandelion could see the open ring box in Jaskier’s hands. He wasn’t kneeling on one knee, legs still around Dandelion’s back as they sat opposite each other in the ruins of their blanket fort.

“Only if I can watch The Little Mermaid with you?”

“Metaphorically speaking?”

Dandelion laughed, a sobbing mess of a laugh, and he pulled Jaskier into a kiss, wrapping his arms around Jaskier’s neck. “Yes, you stupid idiotic fool. Bloody hell.. Yes.”

“God, I love you,” Jaskier whined and crashed their lips together once more.

#the witcher #jaskilion #jaskier x dandelion #julian alfred pankratz #wolfie's witcher writing

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galacticlamps · 3 years

Text

Tagged by @the--highlanders ! Thanks!

How many works do you have on AO3?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

76,200

(oh what a nice even number - I should try to mess that up as soon as possible, shouldn’t I?)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Aw man is this intentionally worded to be really hard to answer? I get that it says ‘written’ and not ‘posted’ but then what constitutes a ‘fandom?’ I definitely wrote fics for stuff I was interested in long before I even knew the word ‘fic’ - I did it throughout my childhood, and then in high school, and while I didn’t do it as much in college, it still happened from time to time. So a lot of the books/movies/tv shows/plays/musicals I wrote things for aren’t really fandoms, and frankly, I had to check my old folder just now to even remember some of them existed. I’ll just list the ones that I know for sure had fandoms, since that’s more fun (and embarrassing), right?

Obviously Doctor Who, classic and modern, Torchwood, Sherlock Holmes (ironically more of these seem to be about the books, but yes, I will admit, some for that tv show too), Les Mis, a couple different Marvel comics & movies, Good Omens, hell, I even found a Night Vale fic in there just now.

And I know there are other older things not even in that folder, some of which never made it to a computer at all, so if I had to ballpark a number I’d probably say around 25ish but really, who knows?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Across the Gap

On the Spot

Expectations

Shards of Memories & Fragments of Glass

Itemized

(this was fun, I’d never noticed Ao3 even had a stats page until now lol)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I take a long time to do so but for the most part, I usually get around to it. The rare exception would be if I first saw the comment when I was super busy/distracted and then felt like way too much time passed before I noticed it again, that it might be awkward if I said something at that point.

I do genuinely enjoy hearing what people think, but I’m also weirdly terrified of making anyone feel like they have to reply to my comments. I know that’s probably a little strange, but it’s actually a large part of why I made this Ao3 account in the first place - my original one, from high school, is followed by some long-time friends of mine who aren’t interested in this fandom, some of whom are involved in art & writing professionally. The thought of anyone like that reading something I wrote out of friendliness or even just curiosity and potentially having to pretend they liked it for the same reasons stressed me tf out, so I like having this virtually anonymous one because I can relax knowing that anyone who reads or interacts with something I wrote has probably done so only because they wanted to, rather than feeling obligated, and there’s no pressure on them to be nice to me about it if anything I write or post annoys them - so I really hope nobody who does just know me as an anonymous blog has ever worried about offending me by not replying to something, trust me, I’m perfectly happy with it!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I’ve really written any angsty endings? I guess the answer would have to be Reckless just because it involves the characters arguing about sad/weighty things and there isn’t really any solution to those issues - but even then I think I ended it with a kind of acceptance that stops it from really qualifying as angst? I also set it in the the same universe as other fics, so maybe that doesn’t even count as an ending? Am I that bad at ending things on angst? Lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Obviously none of the fics I’ve posted are crossovers but I’m trying to think now if any of my WIP’s are - I’ve definitely poached setting/premise ideas from other media, but in terms of actual crossovers . . . I’ve got a few cross-era or cross-Doctor, a few involving Torchwood, but that’s already the same universe, so the only thing that’d qualify as a true crossover would be some vague pieces of a fic where Jamie, Zoe, and Two end up on the Enterprise, since I think the 60s series of Star Trek and Dr Who feel kind of compatible, don’t they? In fact, aren’t there like officially licensed crossover comics or something? Or did I make that up? Idk, and the ideas are very loose, so it’s not much of a WIP either

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, never

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’ve never written smut, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that could change soon. There’s a longish multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on for a frankly embarrassing amount of time, and the plot does call for a sex scene at one point towards the end, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on how - uh, I guess the word is explicit? - it should get. I know I could easily do a fade to black/implication thing, but it’s kind of a source of contention and anxiety for the characters, so to skip over writing the actual scene and just revisit them afterwards rings of “and they slept together and now everything’s fine!” which feels kinda cheap to me - in this context, anyway - and not the right payoff for a long fic that’s otherwise more of an interpersonal drama/slightly a period piece, if I had to place it in a genre. I feel like my aversion to actually writing the scene might just be prudishness I should get over, or maybe just self-doubt, because I know I’d rather have a well-written, funny, character-development-supporting sex scene than nothing at all, but since I’ve never had any interest in writing a scene like that before, I don’t know if I can do it well, and I also don’t want to ruin a fic I’m otherwise proud of by doing it badly... ugh I have to figure this out

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I seriously doubt it

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, it’s gotta be Two & Jamie. I’ve shipped things before with varying levels of investment, but I’ve never been able to use the term ‘otp’ in a literal sense until I came across them, and now it’s already basically gone out of fashion, go figure!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m not sure if I have one? My WIP doc is huge, but I don’t actually intend to get around to finishing everything in it, so I’d like to think that anything I’ve currently singled out to complete can actually get done.

That said, I do have a few AU’s that I don’t really plan to finish, but it might be cool if I could. Two of them are for all the main + some supporting characters of the Second Doctor’s era - one’s a modern day school teachers AU, and the other is a typical fantasy/fairy tale AU. Another is just Two/Jamie, based on Doctor Faustus (specifically the Marlowe play version) but right now there are two different versions of the ending coexisting in my head. I’ve written parts of scenes & some gen. backstory for all of those ideas, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try to finish them, or what form a finished product would even take - a series of one-shots set in the same universe? one long multi-chapter fic with some kind of overarching plot? And the amount of context/worldbuilding a big AU like these would require might not make them very appealing fics for people to read, so maybe it is better if I just keep them to myself, since in my head I already know what’s going on in those worlds lol.

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had a creative writing class since middle school, and since then I’ve only ever shown creative writing to others in a fandom context, so it’s been a while since I’ve discussed it or gotten critical feedback. I suppose when I work in other arts or even academic writing contexts, people usually say I’m kind of insightful or at least detail oriented, which might just be another way of saying I overthink things, but I like to imagine I’m decent at finding little points of interest to expand upon.

What are your writing weaknesses?

If you’ve read this far I feel like you must know what I’m about to say: I do not know how to be concise.

Usually when I’m writing a fic, I put down the dialogue first on its own, leaving out the action of the scene and whatever plot/context led there, even if I’ve already figured all of that out. But then when I go to add those things in, they’re always longer than I wanted them to be. I don’t mind writing something long, but I don’t want my fics to be a slog to get through either, and there can be a point at which the stuff I’ve added for context overwhelms the stuff that I wanted the fic to be about in the first place, so it becomes a structural/proportion issue too. I haven’t completely given up on any fics because of this yet, but there’s one I’ve been struggling with for a couple months now - probably because I’m even second-guessing myself on which scenes need to be written out and which can just be referenced like a recap. Hopefully I figure that one out soon.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

((this is karma isn’t it? i posted a fic last week with two words of gaelic in it and was worried about that and now this is karma))

In general, I don’t want to do it. I feel like you’ve gotta have a really good grasp of a language to write dialogue & speech patterns for someone who’s a native speaker, and since I’m far from fluent in any language the characters I write for are, I wouldn’t feel confident writing any significant amount of dialogue in, say, Gaelic.

As a sidenote, though, I kinda love it when other people do it, particularly for Jamie. Irish (Gaeilge) and Scottish (Gàidhlig) are both languages I’ve wanted to learn for a long time, because my family’s fresh out of living speakers of either & I think that’s a shame, but I started with Irish and at the moment I’m still very much learning it. As different as they are, it still helps me understand parts of lyrics or texts that I come across in Gàidhlig fairly frequently, so when it comes up in a fic I get to feel like I’m being responsible and practicing, and it’s great when I can actually understand what’s being said.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m gonna go with Harry Potter even though that’s probably not a perfectly accurate answer - it’s almost certainly the first thing that has a fandom that I ever wrote for, but it was in a notebook when I was a kid and never something that I even typed on a computer, much less posted online or shared with other members of a fandom. But even then, I’m sure it wasn’t the first pre-existing fictional universe I ever set an original story in, because I did that a lot when I was a kid, it’s just hard to remember those clearly or on any kind of timeline.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m very partial to Across the Gap, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that ranked first on the kudos thing above - but I’ve also got a soft spot for So Merrily We’ll Sing. It’s so self-indulgent it feels silly saying ‘it was so easy to write!’ but I guess having a fic that’s already just 100% headcaonons and fluff tied together by a song you really love does prevent it from being much of a labor (I also managed to refrain from making that one unnecessarily long, so that’s another win there)

tagging @terryfphanatics and anyone else who wants to do it - sorry I’m bad at remembering whose tumblr goes with whose Ao3 account, but I really would be interested to read this if anyone else feels like answering them!

#oh boy that was long #sorry #also sorry if the 13 is really big for some reason #i dont know how it got that way so i dont know how to change it #it doesnt look like that when i edit the post only when i save it #not fic but fic talk

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unforth · 3 years

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Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!

Howdy! *waves*

You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).

Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.

Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.

These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.

1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.

(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)

My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.

Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.

2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.

Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.

Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1

Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)

Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.

My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)

Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)

3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.

(art is by Starember)

Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)

Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing

Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.

Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).

My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.

Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).

4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.

Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao

Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!

Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."

Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.

Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.

Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).

My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.

Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.

That's their dynamic.

(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)

5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.

Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia

Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.

Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.

Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.

Spoilers: it's not a veneer.

Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.

My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.

Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.

6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.

Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people

Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff

Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.

Hijinks ensue.

And so does a political nightmare.

My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...

Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?

Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...

Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.

Hijinks ensue.

And then it murders you with feels.

The live action streams from YouTube - here.

(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)

Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?

(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)

#unforth rambles #i'm not gonna tag the fandoms because i give my own opinions #some of which aren't all THAT positive #i think it's best if I don't just dump that into the main tags

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zoyalais-moved · 3 years

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You Forget to be Clever

World: modern setting, assassins au

Ship: Zoyalai

Word Count: 1281

asassins au as requested by @storm-dog-pirate <3

want one?

AO3

Zoya was never one to complain about a job, but this was low on her list of favorites. It wasn't on the list at all, really.

She never did like masquerade balls.

But at least this time she wasn't expected to dance- no, this time her mission was simple, and this time, she was alone.

The hall was shrouded in dim, golden light that fell from the many hanging chandeliers, and red and gold silk was draped across the walls in a style she couldn't name the origin of but found rather appealing. Her mark was dancing, she'd been told he liked to dance. How exactly she would get him off the dance floor and alone for this mission, she wasn't certain.

Zoya watched his form as he led his partner through the steps, half his face hidden by a mask in the shape of a red fox, ears perked up in calm alert. She cocked her head at him, curious. She hadn't been told much about her mark, just that he'd interfered with their agency's plans one too many times and had since become a nuisance.

Morozova hadn't said it outright, but she suspected there was more to the story.

How much can I learn before the posion stops his heart?

Not much.

She glanced at the large clock hanging on the wall behind her,a great, ever-expanding thing that must've needed two or three men just to bring into the hall. Nearly twelve.

I'm running out of time .

Which was not an option. Zoya wasn't just the best assassin- she had killed the best. She had reached her standing through nothing less than raw determination, and a hardened heart. And this man would not be the one to bring her down.

"May I have this dance?"

The voice was calm, the barest hint of teasing beneath the polite request, and it made Zoya frown as she turned to face it's owner, a refusal already on her tongue.

She froze when her eyes met a pair of bright hazel eyes, peeking out behind a red snout.

So eager for death, little prince, the voice in her head mocked. Zoya let a smile spread across her red painted lips, adjusting her purple dragon mask and letting him take her gloved hand in his.

"It would be my pleasure."

She watched the crowd as Lantsov watched her, the way all men did, no doubt. It was a good thing her dress dipped low and the slit in the silver fabric gave a good view of her legs as she walked.

She would need to get him alone soon.

"Are you enjoying the party?" He asked, hand settling at her waist as he pulled her close. Zoya frowned when she realized he hadn't actually been studying her form, his eyes caught instead on the cuff at her wrist, the one that concealed her weapon- Genya's greatest invention yet.

"A bit disappointed, really," she said, draping her hand over his shoulder, pulling him closer.

"Not in the company, I hope?" He asked good-naturedly, but a smile threatened to pull at his lips as his eyes moved on from the cuff and latched onto her own eyes, as though he found this whole charade very amusing.

"More in the place," she admitted, letting her lashes flutter- averted eyes, touch of a flirtatious grin, leaning closer- playing with men was her favorite pastime. "Though I suppose that could change."

His brows were hidden by the red mask, but she could tell a single brow had been raised.

"If, say, I were to show you some of the nicer parts of the house?" He offered, grinning slyly. There we go, Zoya thought. She didn't have time to waste, and it seemed she wasn't the only one in a rush.

"Perhaps," she allowed.

"And then," she didn't notice the gleam in his eyes until he had spun them around and dipped her, causing her fingers to tighten on his shirt, holding onto him. His lips brushed against her ear, his next words a deliberate whisper. "you could complete Morozova's mission?"

It was a good thing he was holding onto her because Zoya froze completely.

He chuckled lightly, straightening and bringing her along with him, resuming the dance as though nothing had changed. As though her heart wasn't beating wildly in her chest, fear gripping her body.

"I'm not sure I understand," she tried, but the words must've sounded hollow, and when his eyes met hers again, she had a new description in mind for them. Clever . Clever as the mask of the animal he wore.

Saints, she should have asked Morozova for more details. More time.

"Well you aren't the first to try and kill me," he said, almost thoughtfully, "just the prettiest."

He punctuated his words with a wink, grinning.

Zoya wanted to scream.

The only reason he would be so calm… was if he had anticipated the attack.

Which meant she was the one in danger now. She glanced around the room as subtly as she could- there, two guards, one short and the other large and threatening, both of them watching her.

"He doesn't trust you," Lantsov added, sensing her shock.

That made Zoya look back at him. She eyed him warily, still refusing to give herself away.

"Morozova, that is. If he did, he wouldn't have set this place to blow up in-" he glanced behind her at the clock before adding, "six minutes."

"What?" Zoya stopped completely, her heart dropping to her feet. A couple bumped into them from behind and Lantsov smoothly turned them back around. He was gently leading them through the steps, Zoya hardly aware of her own movements.

"The clock," he explained, eyes softening ever so slightly, "it's connected to three bombs that had been ready to blow at the strike of twelve."

Her gaze dropped to the smooth tile they were dancing on before snapping back up to his, eyes narrowing.

"He'll be dead by midnight, I'll make sure of it."

"Of that, Nazyalensky, I have no doubt."

"Liar." She said simply.

Lantsov sighed, sounding almost disappointed.

"Why would you invite this many people if you knew the floors would go up in- what, six minutes? You wouldn't endanger them. You wouldn't endanger yourself."

"Five," he corrected, "and obviously not, I plan to die fat and happy and bald, and not dressed in such finery. Preferably many decades in the future."

"That isn't a choice for you to make," she snarled.

"Yet you were so ready to make it for me," he mused, an edge to his words.

Zoya swallowed, her gaze running from the clock, to the ground, to Lantsov. Back to the clock.

It had been five minutes to midnight when they started dancing. The numbers hadn't changed.

"You disabled it," she said quietly.

"I did it myself, actually."

"Then why am I still alive?"

Lantsov watched her for a moment, and she realized the music had stopped- not stopped, ended. The dance floor was clearing up, but she couldn't move, and he made no effort to abandon it either.

After a moment he stepped back, taking her hand, her cuff gleaming as he raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of her knuckles.

"Because now, when I ask you to meet me in three days at the wearhouse down the street, I know you'll agree."

"Why would I do that?" She asked, her voice not holding the venom she'd intended.

"Curiosity," he offered, stepping away, eyes gleaming, a clever man concealed by a clever fox, disappearing into the crowd as he walked backwards. "And the shared desire to take down Morozova."

#[lowkey I hate this]#[but also i might continue it]#[this is genuinely my worst sorry am <3]#my writing*#m:fics #sh:zoyalai #lit:tgt #lit:tnd #tgtfic #tndfic #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky #zoyalai #king of scars #grishaverse #userwidd #tuserannie #usersultanah

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elmidol · 3 years

Text

Rogue Order - Chapter 2 (of 4)

Summary: You are a barista in the coffee shop that Armitage Hux goes to every morning. He’s polite, however has never cracked a smile. One day, you decide to try to change that by giving him a little treat. Things wind up going much better than planned.

Read on AO3

Chapter 1

Pairing: Armitage Hux/Reader

Rating: M; This chapter contains nsfw content (masturbation)

for @terry2227

notes: Modern Day/Coffee Shop AU; outline for fic was written by terry2227

Chapter Two

Taking multiple orders and enjoying the sight of freshly fallen snow the previous day had indeed aided you in selecting which flavor of coffee you would serve Armitage when he arrived in the morning. The discussion of hot chocolate had not faded into the background as expected. Instead it had inserted itself repeatedly, encouraging you towards a semi-sweet flavor. You readied the ingredients before Armitage was set to arrive meanwhile your co-worker, Remi, took care of other matters in First Rogue.

You opted to grab a sugar substitute to help prevent a sugar rush then subsequent crash while he worked; from there you ground up a semi-sweet dark chocolate into a finer composition along with some ginger and cinnamon. The cardamom and cloves were pre-ground, and the salt and white pepper were also easy to secure. Mixing the ingredients together did not take very long. You put them all into an airtight container, shook it, and then set aside the container until Armitage was visible through the large window.

Armitage Hux was running behind schedule by four minutes when he entered the coffee shop. It was time that he hoped to make up during the drive into the city. Thus he did not spent much time speaking with you as he otherwise might have. He walked up to the counter and opened his mouth to state the usual when you spoke first instead, informing him that you had already selected the flavor, if he did not mind. Armitage closed his mouth, pausing. He had forgotten that this had been prearranged the previous day. Clearing his throat, he nodded and asked the price of the drink. You stated the amount that he paid for his usual. Aware that it would be rude to press the issue--and not having the time to do so--he withdrew his wallet from his pocket, took out the cash, and handed the bills to you.

His eyes tracked your every move as you turned your back, changing places with your coworker in order to prepare his drink. Armitage considered the fine powder that had been premixed. This you measured out into roughly three tablespoons that you deposited into his cup before pouring in some of the shop’s freshly brewed coffee. You poured in a minimal amount of dairy-free creamer, mixed the drink again, put on the lid, and brought the cup over to him. “The flavor?” he asked whilst sliding one foot backwards in retreat.

“Chocolate chai. It shouldn’t be too sweet,” you responded, earning a nod of acknowledgment from Armitage. You found yourself holding your breath, wondering if he planned on tasting the coffee in front of you. He was late, which you knew. It was little surprise when he offered a small wave with two fingers then headed for the door. Your mood threatened to devolve into a semi-melancholy state, however he called over his shoulder that he would tell you his opinion the next morning. That set your heart fluttering like he often did merely by walking into First Rogue. You rocked forward on your feet, drawing up on your tiptoes then rolled back into a proper standing position.

Remi was not oblivious to these actions, and she shot you a knowing look when the door to the coffee shop closed behind Armitage’s retreating form. Unlike another of the baristas that you worked with, Remi was not one to push boundaries or make public the fact that you were obviously smitten with a patron of First Rogue. You liked that about her, appreciated it more in that moment than you ever had before. Once the shop emptied, the pair of you could gush about things, could giggle like school girls or whatever might come to pass. In the meanwhile, she was satisfied to offer that look then return to her work as you did the same, a smile spreading widely across your face.

On the other side of town, at the turnoff to exit and head for the city, Armitage glanced at the chocolate chai coffee with interest. He had not yet taken a sip despite finding that, in the closed quarters of his vehicle, he quite enjoyed its scent. Armitage considered the fact that he should try at least a sip before the beverage chilled. He waited until he approached the next red light then cradled his hand around the cup, tugging it upwards and out of the holder towards his mouth. Its scent was more appealing as he brought it closer. Saliva gathered, forced him to swallow before he took that first drink.

The warm liquid pooled over his tongue, toying with his taste buds. There were layers of flavor. Hints of sweetness coupled with spice along with the more familiar taste of First Rogue’s coffee blend. The chocolate portion, which he had initially believed would be sickeningly sweet, had a light bitterness to it that he found to be palatable. Armitage took a second sip within seconds of the first then a third. He replaced the drink into the holder due to the light changing from red to green. Though he had recovered only two of the four minutes thus far of time, he decided that he would make the most of the day. This drink in particular soothed his mood. He would have to remember that. Perhaps keep a series of notes for the various flavors that you experimentally handed to him—if, of course, you were interested in continuing this trend.

Armitage glanced again at the clock on his car’s dashboard. It struck him that you had been attentive to his interests alongside his usual order. He, on the other hand, knew your name and profession. Your schedule, although that fell under profession in his opinion. He did not know much else about you, which he had never much given thought to. When you had questioned him regarding hot chocolate, he had failed to inquire about the same. This was the first time he felt that perhaps he had been rude to you. Were his manners always so lax when he was not at work?

He could recall your face, the general shape of it and the color of your hair, however if he tried to place color to your irises, he was left second-guessing himself. This was not a desirable position. Reliance upon a faulty memory could doom a business deal; Armitage prided himself on memorizing each detail of a transaction along with the faces, names, and basic information of those involved. He did admittedly take for granted such items when it came to his personal life—was that what you were, a part of his personal life? It was more intimate in nature than simply to say that you worked at a coffee shop that he frequented. You were no colleague of his, yet before this moment he had not considered you as an individual that would potentially reach the role of casual acquaintance. To refer to you as a friend or companion would be premature and far too intimate given the limited amount of information he held.

This would be remedied the following morning, during which time he could deliver his impression of the chocolate chai coffee. Depending on how much work he finished over the day and what arrangements he completed in the evening once he was home, Armitage would decide if he would return to his regular drink or not for a stretch of days. His usual order assisted in preventing headaches, of which he frequently suffered due to stress that was work related though equal parts because of Brendol’s interference with his life. He grabbed hold of the coffee at the thought, drank a more generous amount than previous, and noisily swallowed the liquid, not enjoying it quite as much as mere moments ago. He ran his tongue across his lips then sucked on his tongue as though that would resummon the flavor that had barely had time to caress his taste buds.

---------

When midafternoon rolled around and your shift came to an end, you did not leave First Rogue as you might otherwise have. Instead you grabbed one of the smaller tablets of paper that was available to you along with a pen then moved to a table near the window. The light was not too glaring despite the way it reflected off gathered snow. Judging from how Armitage had requested his usual the previous day, you were aware that there would likely be mornings where this would be repeated. In the meanwhile, composing a list of the coffees you wished to present to him—for as long as he would allow—would offer you things to look forward to. You could have more flavors prepared or else ensure that you had all ingredients. This way you could select one of the flavors based on Armitage’s disposition when he walked into First Rogue.

Should he state that he enjoyed the chocolate chai coffee, you would have to introduce him to a cafe mocha. You would make more fresh chocolate powder and make whipped cream. Due to this, it would have to wait until you knew his opinion—and you would have to ensure that he was interested in having more flavors ahead of time. Not that whipped cream would not be used if he decided that he was not.

If he was inclined to sample a more sweet drink, you were excited to serve him a caramel macchiato. It was a more basic flavor, true, however that simply made it more readily available on days when you were not forewarned what mood he would be in. Vanilla syrup—sugar free and non—as well as caramel sauce were in large supply in First Rogue. As was gingerbread coffee, you reminded yourself. With a hum, you scrawled that onto your list.

Ristretto would be closer to his usual drink. You flipped the sheet of paper over to start a page of more ‘basic’ drinks that you could give him when he did not want to stray too far from his norm. Espresso Romano if you could confirm that he enjoyed the taste of lemon.

“I wonder if he would ever want any food.” You tapped the end of the pen against your mouth while furrowing your brow in thought. Where you had suggested food pairings to other customers, you had never broached the subject with Armitage. Would he be put off by the idea?

As you considered this, you found yourself curious as to what topics in general would be open for conversation. This man may not spare you a second glance in a romantic view, however he was clearly comfortable for casual conversations. Though perhaps that was generous? You had spoken more than he had on each of the occasions. That might be his personality, you reminded yourself, not to be easily dissuaded. You would begin with something more light, albeit branching away from First Rogue related content.

“Not work either.” This you stated under your breath. There were no customers that would eavesdrop. The only patron inside First Rogue was one of the regulars, an older woman who dropped by to have time for herself before she was set to pick up her grandchildren from school. You rested your elbows on the table, cupped your chin, and glanced at the woman. With this you were reminded just how simple it was to socialize. Armitage Hux made your heart race in your chest, however you spoke to him regarding his coffee order. Just the same as you spoke to this woman, whom you had also conversed with about her family and hobbies. She enjoyed sewing, reading books, and had three drama series that she loyally kept up with.

Armitage kept to a tight schedule, which meant that he might, too, watch a regular program. The news perhaps. It was a good starting point. You would watch the nightly news and select a topic to speak with him about when he arrived at the coffee shop the next day.

------------

Unsurprisingly, Brendol had indeed soured Armitage’s mood by the day’s end. He lowered himself onto the couch in his home. The television droned on, some news report that he was hardly paying attention to. Instead he worked to think of something else—someone else—to assist in improving his demeanor. Within his mind he began to map out the contours of your face. Each angle carefully studied until his crude rendition was as close an approximation as he could make it. The next morning he would take an extra moment to improve the accuracy of future recollections.

Armitage conjured up the flavor of the chocolate chai coffee, the slight spice that had rolled over his tongue. In the past he had thought little of you beyond your occupation. With the peppermint coffee and the discussion of hot chocolate, his view had shifted to a certain sweetness. Now there was spice, which caused him pause. Did that spice translate into your personality?

Throbbing in his head jerked Armitage back into reality. The newscast reported the weather for the week. The morning would see roughly an inch worth of snow. It was the weekend that would be more quarrelsome with temperatures rising a fraction only to plummet, the likelihood of ice high. His original plan for the weekend had been to go into the office for additional progress on a new project that he would be undertaking the following month. This had been one of the issues that Brendol had harassed him over—not that he worked more than necessary, however that he should have done more and been more innovative in his career. Nothing ever pleased the man, not truly.

With the weather report, it was clear that his plans would have to be altered. Armitage started to compose a list of what materials he would be required to bring to his home over the next two days. Only when Millicent, a small tabby cat two years of age, slunk out from the covered bed in the corner for attention was he properly drawn out of thoughts from work, not visiting them again until the next day.

In the morning, Armitage was more preoccupied with his visit to First Rogue after readying for work to think of business or Brendol. He patted Millicent on the head on his way out the front door, locked up, and began to rehearse what he might say if you should ask him why he stared at your eyes; he would note their color this time. Tiny flakes of snow descended from the sky at random intervals. They wet his eyelashes so that he was forced to swipe a hand along his face when he entered the coffee shop. As he lowered his arm back to his side, he scanned the counter. One of the other baristas was taking an order from the man in front of him.

He wondered if you had scheduled to take a day off; he was relatively certain he knew your schedule—it struck Armitage that this might be strange, however he ignored the notion.

Entering First Rogue behind a familiar redhead, you felt your smile growing despite being four minutes late for your shift. You had sent Remi a fast text, and she was covering for you. The owner would not mind much; there were more times that you remained in the store extra than you arriving late or leaving early. This was, for you, a nice thing about the town. Its community was one you had grown fond of over the years; a portion was transient due to the local and city schools, while the more steady populace were supportive of one another in good times and bad. Due to this, you were already in a good mood. Seeing that he had stalled, observing his head turn in search of someone—in search of you—was pleasantly surprising.

“Good morning,” you chimed, earning the privilege of watching Armitage jump in startlement. He twisted around, drawing backwards a step and tightening the muscles in his face in an obvious attempt to conceal his emotions. Not for the first time, you wondered about his personal life and what had led him to be like this. Then paused, realizing that he was doing something he had not in all the time you had been in contact with him. Armitage Hux was staring into your eyes. Heat seeped into your cheeks, spread throughout your body. “Are you in the mood for a new flavor?”

“Hmm.” Though he hummed out that sound, feigning consideration, there was a sense that he had already made up his mind on the matter before he had walked into the shop. “For today and tomorrow, yes.”

You nodded then walked around him. Armitage turned to follow you with his gaze, walking forward as the other male patron of the establishment grabbed his drink and headed for the door. Remi shifted back to the register to assist Armitage in paying for the coffee--she knew to ring him up for his regular beverage, as you covered any difference with the tip he so often left otherwise would pay it on your own—which allowed you to walk towards the ingredients that you had readied. Two days in a row, you mused, which meant that you wanted to leave a good impression so as to not dissuade him from continuing this pattern.

“Did you see—” you began in unison with him saying: “The weather this...weekend...” You had stopped abruptly, whereas he trailed off. You looked over your shoulder at him, nodding encouragingly so that he would resume where he had left off. “Does it prevent many of your regulars from coming into the shop?”

“Err, I suppose it depends on how bad it gets.” Your hands were in constant motion, readying and preparing all that you needed to put his drink together. “I live close enough that I can come into work even if it’s for a shorter shift. We’ll close only if it’s too hazardous, which I don’t think will be the case here. How about you? Do you have work?”

Vertigo was not an immediate threat, although you did notice that you felt slightly lightheaded over the fact that Armitage had been the one to strike up a conversation, even if it did have to do with First Rogue. It was the sort of topic you had been intending to bring up. The pair of you were on the same page with that, and you each, as far as you could tell, enjoyed conversing with the other. Remi, meanwhile, had busied herself with tending to two other customers that had entered the shop; one was another regular and the other a new face.

Armitage slipped one foot in front of the other, keeping pace with you as you darted about behind the counter while carrying out the final steps of making the beverage, whatever flavor it happened to be. Coming from others, he might not have welcomed the question or else been indifferent to it. From you, on the other hand, he found that he was pleased you had asked. “In a way. I am not on the schedule, however I do plan to bring a few items home with me. I may spend the morning here, if that is alright.” He gestured towards the corner by the window and hoped that you noticed he was indicating two tables rather than one. They were smaller, square, and allowed only for two chairs each.

You looked in that direction whilst walking towards him with the coffee, which you handed to him. “That shouldn’t be a problem at all.” It suddenly struck Armitage that he had not checked his watch the entire time since your arrival. He did not know if he was running late or not, and was not stressed about the matter—perhaps that would sink in later, after he moved into his car. For the meanwhile, he inquired as to what flavor you had given him today. “You should try it and guess.”

A snort escaped him, and Armitage felt his mouth shifting into a smile that he more often than not concealed from the world. Genuine. Amused. He lifted the coffee to his mouth to hide the expression, felt his face heating a little and knew that it was covered in a slight rosy flush. Your cheekiness had been unexpected. There was such a contrast with your attitude compared with Brendol’s. Where Brendol made Armitage want to hide away, you were a breath of fresh air. Brendol was vexing. You were…

Armitage took a sip as you had suggested, his eyes locking onto yours. You did not glance away; in that moment, he realized that you had for so long. You had been more shy with him. Not timid, however less bold. He had offered no reason for you to be kind to him, yet there it was. Your eyes wide and your lips parted. Your breathing was not as level as it had been before he had smiled. Your chest rose and fell, your breasts--Good lord, he nearly choked on the hot coffee.

“Gingerbread,” he said, his voice low, his mouth still warm from the drink.

You were trying to recover from the shock of seeing his smile, which had been far better than you had imagined it would be. His reaction to the coffee flavor was not negative. Nothing was ruining the moment. Except when he stated that he had to get going to work and would see you in the morning. There was little to say to that. Not that you trusted yourself to speak. Surely your voice would crack. You gave a wave of your hand, staring after him and not caring that Remi and even some of the customers were watching you.

For Armitage Hux, the incident remained with him for the entire day. He found himself distracted on more than one occasion. The taste of gingerbread coffee--not his favorite of the ones he had been given—and the sight of you staring. The image of your breasts. The end of the work day did not arrive fast enough. He greeted Millicent, set down the items he had brought home in preparation for the weekend, and headed for the bathroom. Once inside, he closed the door to prevent his cat from interrupting.

His hand went to the front of his pants. Armitage closed his eyes, conjuring your face in his mind’s eye. Now he knew it better. The various angles, the different expressions. The way your pupils had dilated as you watched him smile. He thought again of your breasts. His cock throbbed, hardening and making his breath catch. He worked open his pants, slipping one hand inside and withdrawing his erection. He stroked himself, twisting his wrist as he moved at a languid pace.

What did you taste like? The question was posed as he jerked his cock, as he thought again of your smile, of your desire to please him and offer him new flavors of coffee. He wanted to spread your legs open and fuck you. To watch you squirm as he worked his fingers into you, opening your wet cunt so that he could fuck you.

Armitage’s breathing grew even louder. He growled, the sound rumbling through him. He moved his hand even faster, flicking his wrist, thrusting his hips forward and fucking his hand though he wished it was you. The image in his mind changed in scenery. You on his bed instead of the coffee shop—though, he had to admit, bending you over the counter and risking being seen through that large window was suddenly an exhilarating prospect. Yet on his bed, screaming his name as he made you cum.

“Fuck!” His entire body trembled. Armitage let his head fall back, felt it hitting the door, which gave a light thunk at the impact. He teased his slit, toyed with the sensitive flesh at the head of his cock with the pads of his fingers, and then resumed fucking his hand in earnest. The sounds of him masturbating echoed in the bathroom. Yet what he heard was the moans—your moans—in his head. What did they sound like?

You should try it.

Your voice, a teasing lilt. “Fuck,” he growled again, shuddering as he came, his cum spilling over his hand. He opened his eyes and stared at his reflection in the mirror. At the flush in his cheeks, which was darker than what he had worn as a result of your reaction to his smile.

He wanted to see that reaction once more. Wanted to take you out of First Rogue so that his fantasies could include other locations more naturally. Or perhaps to alter them from fantasy into reality. It was not merely sex that he craved from you either. In truth, you were the highlight of his day the majority of the time. He looked forward to seeing you each morning. Armitage thought of sharing coffee with you after the pair of you fucked. Hot chocolate was another option—that would entice you, would bring a smile to your lips, wouldn’t it?

Running a hand along the length of his face, Armitage decided that, come the weekend, he would pursue this, would pursue you in earnest. The poor weather was proving to be a sort of blessing in disguise.

#rogue order #armitage hux x reader #hux x reader #armitage hux imagine #hux imagine #hux fanfic #modern day hux #star wars modern day #gift fic

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nocompromise-noregrets · 3 years

Note

Re tags: This may be completely off base, but to me I see x reader fics as being massively different to canon character fics (or for that matter, OCs), because the author is primarily writing SPECIFICALLY for the audience (because x reader is inherently about the reader), whereas character writers are more interested in writing something that appeals to themselves. I also find x reader fics far further down the road of objectification, which could be one of the reasons I also find them squicky.

I agree - there's been an enormous sea-change in fandom attitudes over the last ten years or so, I think. Although I'm writing for my audience as well as for me, I'm not doing it with the express intention of my audience imagining themselves as part of the story, nor do I read fic with that intention. If readers identify with my characters then that's awesome (I am eternally delighted that people seem to identify with my Sigrid, for example) and if they want to imagine themselves as those characters, great! But for me, I don't want to be in the story, especially not when it involves intimate relationships, because I am as ace as the day is long and although I'm happy to read smut, I only want to read it when there is absolutely no implication that I as the reader might be involved. I'm also not comfortable with the objectification thing (let's face it I can barely look at a picture of the actor upon whom I am afflicted with an enormous and rather incapacitating crush without feeling weird and creepy - I know, I have issues XD ). Also, with the fics I read and the fandom I'm in, I would be so very anachronistic in any of them (with the possible exception of some modern AUs), and anachronism is one of those things that yanks me right out of a story.

I don't think I even realised that 'x reader' was a thing until I came back into the Tolkien fandom last year, and although it puzzled me greatly at first (and squicks me out on a personal level), I think, on further reflection, that it shows how fandom participants have grown in confidence since I was first kicking around 20-odd years ago. Back then, if someone wanted to imagine themselves in a story they had to write a self-insert character, which tended to be about a 50/50 split between original characters who fitted in the world, and characters 'thrown' into the world of the story. And these were largely frowned upon by the rest of fandom, who were busy writing "proper" stories using the characters from canon and "proper" original characters who were absolutely not self-inserts and "not a Mary Sue" and so on and so forth - there was definitely the impression that original female characters in particular would put people off reading a fic. Other more qualified people than me have written far more eloquently about the Mary Sue thing and the ageism and misogyny involved, but there was quite a bit of shaming going on, and then everyone strongly denying that what they'd written was a Mary Sue. And now - now! Alongside self-insert characters, people are writing stories where the readers can directly imagine themselves in the world of the story and taking part, and screw anyone who looks down on them. And I think that's great! I wonder whether the "old ways" of fandom have become less important, or less strictly enforced - there was definitely a certain amount of conformism going on when I was first kicking around, and I had to unlearn an apologetic habit or two when I came back.

So fandom has grown in confidence and is much more prepared now to say 'screw you this is how I am and what I want to read/write' on all fronts - and I am happily doing that with regard to some of my pairings. It's the same concept as 'ship and let ship' and 'your kink is not my kink and that's okay', and both of those tenets are central to my fandom experience.

But 'x reader' fic is very definitely not for me. I am very old, very set in my ways, and very ace, and I would far rather read stories where I can identify with the characters and follow their adventures without having to think of myself in those situations. I need that distance from it all. Plus the narrative conventions such as 'y/n' and 'your hair colour/eye colour/etc etc' are very jarring to me and are another thing that yank me out of the reading experience. Which is why, as I said in the tags to that other post, I'm afraid I read 'y/n' as 'back-button' and/or 'this post is not for me'. :D Like I said, I am old and set in my ways.

Everyone's different, in other words, and that's what makes fandom such a rewarding place to be.

Thank you! That was very thought-provoking, and has helped me unpick my thoughts and feelings about the whole thing. <33333

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sooghostwriter · 4 years

Text

Secretary Do

Member/Pairing: Do Kyung Soo x OC Genre/Type: Mature, Romance, AU, fluff. Warnings: None. Word count: 10, 885

Summary: Kyung Soo is appointed to be the secretary of the new CFO, Yoo Eun Seo. They fall into a easy, trustful companionship. But Kyung Soo is a bit weak for women like her.

He wants to give her everything she deserves. Every sensation she deserves. Anything that she could need. After all, he is her secretary.

Chapter 1

Kyung Soo looked at the tidy desk with pride. The office looked great. The new desk and shelves were very modern, the color palette was very appealing and the new set of couches looked perfect for a nap. He liked it, so he wished his new boss would feel the same.

At 9 O’clock he was standing outside the elevator on the 7th floor waiting for Yoo Eun Seo, the new CFO.

How she became the CFO was a very common story. Her father was the owner of the company, but she was the youngest of three, so she had a bit of freedom since one of her brothers was the one involved in the family business. She dedicated herself to build a company by herself. A very successful company that sells recycled plastic and oil to other countries. She had become famous for it. Some tabloids called her the queen of garbage, a name that he found very inappropriate for such a refined young woman. Although they were the same age.

Kyung Soo was the secretary of her brother. He worked for him for three years. Three long years where he had to behave not only as his secretary but also as his mother. He was very irresponsible, childish, and in complete honesty, not very good at his job. Kyung Soo had a strong suspicion that he didn’t like his job. And two weeks ago, all of a sudden he quit his job to move away to Japan with his girlfriend. Kyung Soo thought that this was probably a good opportunity to quit and try something else. But his boss convinced him to stay.

“I want to bring my daughter here, she is the best option, I already convinced everybody on the board, now I have to convince her…and if she says yes, I want you to take care of her”

“It would be my honor sir”

“Oh, and Secretary Do, when I say taking care of her I don’t mean as you did with my son…she is way more adapted to life, after all, she has already succeeded, by taking care I mean, help her adapt to this environment, stand behind her all the time giving her a hand whenever she needs it, teaching her how to deal with all of us old men, you understand?”

“Very clear sir, I say with humility and confidence that I will be able to do so” He didn’t accept because it was the CEO asking him to do it. The idea of working with her sounded delightful. The first female CFO, someone already successful, smart, and mature. He wanted to be the right hand of someone like her.

A week later, his boss was texting him that he and his daughter were on their way. He changed his weight from one foot to the other slightly nervous and waited for the ding of the elevator.

She arrived covered in a long coat with a handbag in one hand and a briefcase in the other. Her dad greeted Kyung Soo and then introduced him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mister Do, I’ve heard a lot about you” He only bowed, at a loss of words for some reason. Mister Yoo urged them to go inside so he could introduce her to her team.

As she greeted everybody, Kyung Soo stood in silence behind her, checking everybody’s reaction. They were very hopeful regarding her arrival at the company, and the charm and eloquence she showed during that five-minute greeting probably sealed the deal. He saw only happy faces.

After that, they went to her office and she asked him to close the door so they could talk. She walked around the office, looking at everything with a smile on her lips.

“I guess you are the one to blame for this renewal” She commented standing behind her desk with her hands on her hips.

“Yes, I thought it was needed”

“It was, it looks perfect, thank you very much, now, would you sit here with me so we can talk” She pointed at the couch, asking him to sit in front of her, already owning her office.

“This is my first time having a secretary, a personal one I mean, and I have to be very honest, in the beginning, I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but my dad, among all the things he said to me, trying to convince me to do this job, he promised me that you were going to be my lifeguard in the process of adapting to this”

“He asked me to support you and guide you here” She smiled sweetly, probably thinking about her father.

“I’m terrified of coming here, it was never my plan, but family is family, Do I have to save something? or my brother, despite all, did a good job”

“Despite all, he did…a job” She chuckled and Kyung Soo felt a bit embarrassed, after all, he was her brother.

“Yeah, he was…anyway, so I don’t need to fix anything?”

“No, but we are working against time”

“Ok, then let’s get to work, let’s dedicate the rest of the week to catching up with the financial situation here so we can start working for real on Monday”

“Of course Miss Yoo, I had everything ready on the folders behind your desk” She bowed at him, smiling, and got up and sat behind her desk. Seeing her there gave him a sudden burst of determination.

“Mister Do, May I ask you to call me by my name?”

“No, I can’t” She chuckled again, probably expecting that answer.

“What about Miss Eun Seo?”

“Everybody will call you Miss Yoo here, Miss Yoo you are the CFO” She took a deep breath, resting on her chair.

“Yes, I understand, this is not my company, there are basic rules here”

“I’m sorry”

“No, don’t apologize, I understand, then Miss Yoo it is, how should I call you?”

“Your father calls me Secretary Do”

“You like that name?” He took a lot of pride in being a secretary so he nodded with a smile.

“Then Secretary Do it is, I hope we can work as a team, not as a child and her father” She commented, apparently aware of the behavior of her brother. He couldn’t avoid laughing at her comment.

“I would like that, a team” She offered her hand and he shook it giving her a strong grip, just like hers.

+++++++

Kyung Soo checked the calendar on his iPad and noticed that this was the third month anniversary of working with Eun Seo. It was six in the morning and he was ready to go, fixing his tie in front of the mirror. That morning he chose a simple yet elegant suit because he had plans. Mister Yoo had invited him and his daughter for dinner.

When he went to pick her up at her apartment, he had to wait for 15 minutes for her. Normally, he would pick her up at 8 o’clock, but today was different. Since they had plans for later, she told him that they needed to arrive early to the office to not lose any time since the end of the month was just around the corner, and they were packed with work. Apparently, she had some trouble getting out of bed an hour early. She finally appeared at the door in a rush, half of her things outside her bag, only one sleeve of his coat was on, and with horror, he noticed a hole in her tights. She got inside, her breathing ragged, immediately apologizing for her delay, confessing that she had fallen asleep. During their 30-minute commute to the company, she did her makeup as Kyung Soo told her their plans for the rest of the day.

“Before we go in, you need to change those” He pointed at her legs. When she saw the straight line down her knee to her ankle she cursed loudly, touching her leg as if that would fix it.

In these three months, Kyung Soo noticed that Eun Seo was sometimes a bit of a mess. The couple of times he visited her apartment it was chaotic, to say the least. Even a bit dirty. Without asking for her permission he hired a weekly cleaning service and when he informed her she rolled her eyes but thanked him nonetheless. She was a bit chaotic regarding her clothing too. She would often come with wrinkly blouses or holes in her stockings, so he made sure to buy a pair and keep it in the car and take her clothing to the laundry.

“There’s a new pair in the pocket behind my seat, change once we are in the parking lot” She thanked him like she always did when he came to her rescue. When he looked at her through the rear mirror to make a comment about her being messy, he saw her already busied on taking off her damaged garment. His throat tight up at the sight of her skirt rolled up her thighs, and her hands fumbling with the hooks of her garter, taking her stockings off. The thing that made him feel the guiltiest was that he didn’t look away immediately. He stared at her until she rolled the first stocking down her leg. In the last months he had found himself looking at her more often, but nothing bad. Nothing more than looking at her dainty hand signing checks, or her lips resting in the hem of her cup of coffee. Nothing that made him feel guilty, until now. This time it made him feel very guilty, and also, very attracted to her.

As they parked, he got out of the car and gave her privacy so she could change. The hot air of the underground parking lot helped in no way to clear his mind.

During the morning they moved around the building from meeting to meeting, and after lunch, they stayed at her office calling everybody for their respective weekly reports. It was Friday and Eun Seo was craving free time. As much free time as a CFO could get.

In her three months at the company, she had to work almost every Saturday, and on Sundays, she had to prepare for Mondays. But this Saturday was going to be different. She was planning on having a good time, maybe waking up with a hangover. First time in years. So she needed to have everything settled by six. Kyung Soo was aware of her plans, so by five, he came to her office clapping slowly.

“Everything is done, the people from marketing are a bit late with their part, but they promised to have everything ready on Monday, I also made them promise me that they are not going to bother you this weekend, any stupid question should be addressed to me” She rested half of her body on her desk, already feeling some relaxation.

“Thank you Kyung Soo” She mumbled from her resting position.

“I’m going to go wash my teeth and we can go meet my dad” She didn’t move immediately, and they were probably running a bit late, so Kyung Soo came and lifted her from her desk by the shoulders urging her to move.

Her dad chose a restaurant not too far away from the company and they met there. The three of them went to a private room where the food was already served. Her dad didn’t like to wait. She and Kyung Soo exchanged a smile and sat next to each other. The first 20 minutes of the dinner were only her dad asking her how she felt at the company. She didn’t lie to him. It wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t terrible. She hated every single man on the board, except him. She despited having to ask permission for every financial decision that she had to take, especially when the people from the board were only interested in instant gain, rather than long time investing. She knew that this was all white noise for her dad. Nothing was going to change. But at least she was going to bother him with some nagging. She finished her soliloquy with a bit of a bad temper so obviously, her dad had to comment on that.

"Kyung Soo, don't you find her a bit intimidating?" He said giggling, and if it wasn’t because that man was her father, she would have left. Kyung Soo left his chopsticks on the table, cleaned his mouth, and answered very politely.

"I think she is Mister Yoo, but not to me, I don't feel intimidated by her, but the rest does, and that's very important for her position, after all, she is the new one, the daughter of the owner and also a woman, people should be intimidated so they don’t go around walking over her” Her dad laughed uncomfortably and she felt her chest burst at his deliberate answer. She knew Kyung Soo was comfortable working with her, but it was nice to hear it.

“Thank you Kyung Soo, that's a really nice thing to say” He gave her a quick smile and came back to his food.

They finished their meal, and Eun Seo enjoyed it quite a lot. Mostly because Kyung Soo was there and sided with her every time her dad said something that could be a microaggression directed at her. She didn’t blame him though, an old dog can’t learn new tricks.

They walked her father to the entrance of the restaurant and waited until he left so they could get into the car.

“Now what Miss Yoo?"

“I’m not drunk Kyung Soo, I want to get drunk”

“Where should I take you?” She had no idea. She didn’t have a favorite bar like most people.

“You lead the way” He nodded with assurance and opened the door for her.

He took her to a small bar in the next neighborhood. It was small and it was packed but Kyung Soo assured her that the food was great and no one from the company would be there. She served the first glass of soju, and drank it in one go. Kyung Soo was shocked, and chuckled in disbelief.

“You really think I’m intimidating?” She asked, suppressing a burp as a result of the alcohol.

“Not to me, but people comment that you are” Eun Seo was unaware of this so she asked him to explain.

“People are a bit intimidated by you, and I use this word because I think is the most appropriate… you haven’t been hard on them, or disrespectful…I think they respect you a lot for that, but you must know that there is a peace in you, you don’t lose your temper, and I think that makes you hard to read, they don’t want to try you...now, all this comes from the workers, managers are another story”

“Managers are good licking the boots of the old geezers at the board, I’m not worried”

“Miss Yoo, try not to call them like that too often, I’m scared that someday you are going to use those words in front of the people at the company, or worse, at a meeting” She drank another glass of soju and promised him to be more careful.

“What about my work, what do you think about my performance in the company up until now?” He served her another glass and drank from his coke before answering.

“I think it has been great, during these three months you organized a lot of the mess that your brother left” He looked at her with wide eyes, realizing his words.

“Kyung Soo, I don’t care if you speak badly about my brother, you are not lying, he was never good with numbers, at least not good enough to be a CFO”

“How did he end up there then?”

“Because he is a man, and he is the son of the CEO, my older brother was smart becoming a lawyer, he didn’t have to deal with this, but passed the responsibility to my brother, and now I’m carrying it” Kyung Soo rested his hands on his knees, adopting a slightly submissive attitude and asked her if he could make a rather personal question. She told him to go ahead.

“Why did you accept this job? You were the CEO of your own company, and you were doing amazingly, how could you leave that?”

“I didn’t quite leave it, I’m planning on going back, my partner is just covering for me, two years here, until my dad retires and then goodbye, that’s the deal we reached, and I accepted it because he is my father, and this is a family business, or at least it was…when my dad came asking me for help, I had to say yes, obviously I asked him for a bit of time to think about it, I was just torturing him, of course I was going to accept... and can I be honest with you Kyung Soo?”

“Of course, I mean, if you want to”

“Well, I liked it, I liked that he had to come to me asking for help in an emergency, I liked that his dear son who was so perfect showed his true colors…when I told him that I wanted to study business administration my dad told me, you know you can’t work with me right? The company requires a certain level and I can’t get you in just because you are my daughter” She liked how angry Kyung Soo’s eyes looked after she told him that.

“I never wanted to take revenge, after all my father still paid for my studies, he just looked down on me, I worked my ass off to develop my company so I could rub it in his face, and I did, his friends kept congratulating him for his amazing daughter, he never liked that, not because he didn’t want me to success, but because I prove him wrong…I really try not to be bitter about it, I just try to be bitchy about it, but you know” Kyung Soo shook his head in disbelief, and muttered something under his breath that she couldn’t catch.

“During these two years, what do you want to achieve?” He asked her, sitting straight.

“Nothing, just do my job perfectly, bring more gains to the company, and then leave”

“Then I will help you with that” She raised her glass and Kyung Soo did the same. She took his promise seriously. She believed him. Since day one Kyung Soo had been helping her with anything she could have imagined. But not only running errands and taking care of her schedule. The first day at work he gave her a walk through everybody’s personalities, who was trustful, who was insufferable, how to treat certain people, what not to say, etc. Kyung Soo was good at analyzing people. And he was one of those people who everybody trusted, and everybody liked, so it was nice to have him on her side. When she needed to ask for something a bit hard from another management, Kyung Soo offered himself to do so, because no one said no to him.

“I know you are not drinking, but please let me serve you a glass” He grabbed one from the table and offered it to her, receiving her symbolic thank you for being there with her.

With a bit of embarrassment, she began showing signs of drunkenness after only one bottle. Kyung Soo noticed it and commented on it with a cute chuckle.

“I’m so sorry Kyung Soo, I’m not good with alcohol, I never learned how to drink” She wasn’t a bad drunk person. She got a bit sleepy, a bit more talkative, if she was left unsupervised with her phone and her credit card she could make a ton of unnecessary online purchases. But just that.

“You didn’t learn how to drink at university? I created my resistance there” She released a yearning sigh.

“No, I was too focused on studying, I didn’t go out a lot”

“You didn’t?”

“No, I had to study, I had to be good and also I’m not the best at creating bonds, I have a couple of friends but drinking sessions and all that, I can’t deal with those”

“You are dealing well with our current drinking session” He passed her a small plate with the meat he was grilling.

“I like working with you, I don't like men a whole lot, but you are ok”

“Thank you, I understand your discontent with us, I'm glad I'm an outlier for you” He hid his smile, behind his glass and ate his portion of meat in silence. She liked it.

When the food was gone and Eun Seo had a bit of trouble getting up to go to the bathroom she decided that it was time to go.

“You want to go home or to a second location”

“Thank you, but I feel like going home” Kyung Soo paid with the company’s card, telling her that it was her welcoming party, and walked her outside the bar into the car. He opened the door of the back seat but Eun Seo asked him to sit in the front seat since they weren’t in working hours.

“Also, If I sit in the back I’m going to fall asleep” He wasn’t going to say no to her soft voice and her wobbling legs so he quickly opened the front door for her. When he got in, she was snuggling in her seat, wrapping herself tighter in her coat. He immediately settled the heating and drove carefully so she wouldn’t get dizzy.

“Tomorrow I'm going to sleep until late,” She said, followed by a mischievous giggle.

“That's all you want?” How could her father ask him if he thought she was intimidating when she looked this cute seated next to him, drunk and fed, dreaming with sleeping past 10.

“Yeah, that’s all I want” She sing songed moving her shoulders to the rhythm of her voice.

“Eun Seo, poor thing, you have worked hard all your life” She jolted in her seat, looking at him with an amused grin.

“You called me Eun Seo!” It was a slip of the tongue, but she didn’t care too much, he knew that it wasn’t going to offend her.

“You are drunk it doesn't matter”

“I like it” She said, proving him right.

He dropped her at her house and told her to call him if she needed something tomorrow. Although he knew she would never do that.

On his way home he kept thinking about their car ride to her house. He wasn't very sure of why he called her by her first name. It was a slip of the tongue, for sure. He was surprised that it happened. He was always very careful with the way he referred to her. Even if it was a mistake, when he did it, it felt great and her reaction was even better.

When he arrived home, he drank a can of beer, kind of needing a drink after watching Eun Seo drain those tiny glasses of Soju. Maybe he could get drunk and sleep until late like her.

He drank three cans but didn’t feel drunk at all. He remembered Eun Seo and her quick tipsyness. The memory made him smile the entire time he spent preparing to go to bed.

Although he wasn’t drunk, the three beers made him very sleepy, and as soon as his head touched the pillow, he began dozing off. But his head didn’t let him go to sleep in peace, not before reminding him about Eun Seo sitting in the back seat, taking off her stocking.

He cursed and turned around, tuning down any male primal reaction he was having.

+++++++

She got used to having a secretary quite quickly. She was organized and was used to take care of her things by herself, but having fewer burdens in such a demanding job was ideal. He was great at organizing her schedule and taking care of little details regarding her life.

"Miss Yoo there was a birthday saved in your calendar, I sent a bottle of wine as a gift" She didn't look up from her papers scattered over the desk.

"Thank you Secretary Do, who was it? What day is today?" Kyung Soo checked his iPad puffing his cheeks.

"September 12, his name is Pyo Joon Soo" She jolted on her seat looking at him with horror.

"What?! Oh no Kyung Soo, What did you do?"

"What? What is it?" She dashed to his side, moving her arms, grabbing her face and Kyung Soo's arms.

"He is my ex, we broke up some months ago, you need to stop it! Can you?"

"I'm on it," He said, pulling his phone out of his pocket, and walking outside her office. He knew how to stop it.

She didn't have time to worry about it during the rest of the morning since that day was filled with meetings and interviews. Kyung Soo followed her around but didn't touch the issue until it was time for lunch. She left the conference room first, hungry, and as they got inside the elevator Kyung Soo gave her the good news.

"Miss Yoo?"

"Yes, Mister Do?"

"I took care of it" She took a deep breath, resting her hand on her chest.

"Good, thank you"

"I'm very sorry," He said, bowing.

"Don't bother, you were doing your job, I should have erased that date, I'm glad you stopped it though, I don't want that idiot having wrong ideas"

"Something bad happened?" Kyung Soo thought it was normal to ask that since they were talking about it.

"Yeah, he broke up with me when I told him I was taking this job, he believes he is better than these capitalist monsters," She said making air quotes. He only knew his name, but already didn't like him.

"Do me a favor and erase that date from my calendar?”

"Already did it" Of course he did, she thought.

"You are amazing, Secretary Do" She invited him to lunch to thank him.

Sometimes she noticed how similar they were. If Kyung Soo thought that she was intimidating he should see himself. Several times people would appear at his desk with something for her, probably more work. If she was too busy, one of his blank stares was enough to make them turn around and try again later. His voice didn’t help him either. Overall, he had a sweet look. His three-piece suits were always on point, with sober colors and even more sober ties, his gelled-up hair was never bothered by the strong wind, so he always looked handsome and respectable. But when the situation warranted it, he could get very serious, his low voice could cut and his serious frown made people recoil. Everybody respected her based on fear and admiration, the same went for Kyung Soo. It gave her a sense of pride, how everybody went 'Secretary Do` always with a cheerful voice, followed by a smile and a bow. She had her back well protected by him. A scenario without his guidance and support sounded terrifying. Finding him at the company was an amazing surprise, a help that she was going to miss when gone.

If Kyung Soo was like a disappointed father for her brother, for her it was like an older sister. A bit bitchy, always correcting some bad manners and giving her side eyes once in a while. Never to offend her. She allowed him to be like that. Not with her words, but with her response. When he was bitchy, nagging her about her wrinkled blouse or her messy apartment, she would match his bitchiness. When he gave her side eyes, she would stick her tongue at him and they would laugh about it. But when he corrected her manners, she listened. She wasn’t the boss anymore. She needed to follow some rules.

One thing that Kyung Soo liked and didn’t correct about her behavior was the way she was handling the finances of the company. Based on her studies, her father’s business was 10 years behind. Very outdated. No investing, no savings, no worker bonuses.

A shame.

When she told this to Kyung Soo and how they could change it, he was on board.

“We lost a lot of workers every year because the pay is not good”

“I noticed that”

“Before your brother, your uncle tried to change some things, mostly related to investment, but he hit a wall with the board, he got tired and quit” She knew that, her father never told her why her uncle left, but the newspapers did.

“The same is going to happen with you” She appreciated the reality check, although a bit of positivity couldn’t kill.

“Kyung Soo I'm not going to let this job atrophy my brain, and after all, this is my family's business, but I ran the numbers, this company is not going to be able to survive the next economic crisis”

“Miss Yoo, you with your own business could cause us issues if we don’t keep up with new technologies too”

“I can’t achieve all that in two years”

“But you can do at least one thing, right?” Kyung Soo walked out of her office in a very dramatic move. In her opinion, the main goal was to invest and save. But since she had to convince the board, the idea of investing could appeal to them, just so they could make more money next year. She began running some numbers on her computer for the rest of the morning until Kyung Soo came in to tell her that it was lunchtime.

Over a plate of lasagna, Eun Seo told him about her plans.

“I’m glad you have a clear idea because your father called for a meeting with the board at the end of the month, you could show your proposal there” It sounded good to her, they still had two more weeks to work on it, and she was good at working under pressure.

+++++++

She didn’t have the opportunity to finish her proposal. Two big emergencies happened in a span of one week. One of the biggest clients and investors of the company was involved in a fraud scandal, and one of the countries that supplied them with most of the raw material was under an environmental emergency, decimating the production.

The results were immediate loss in investors and the impending delay in their production which will result in fewer sales, and the need to finish several contracts with buyers. That brought losses to the company, and in their business model, which always translated into layoffs.

There were so many ways to avoid that.

“We need to sort out your finances, we need to raise our prices if necessary”

“But that would make us lose against our competition” It was terrifying to stand in that room. Three women, eight men. She was one of those three women, but it was as if she was the only one. They were all mad and completely close to any idea that could help the employees more than the employers.

“Our revenues are enough to protect our workers,” She said, looking at Kyung Soo for some support. She found it immediately.

“But each one of us would have a 20% discount on our salary” The mocking laughs were the ones that hurt her the most. She wasn’t trying to be funny, having to fire 15 people wasn’t either. The only funny thing was these pigs getting testy for a couple of bucks. The more talkative ones expressed their disagreement, with no clear explanation of why it was a bad idea, only a lot of shouting. Her dad looked at her from the other end of the table with an unreadable face. He wasn’t mad, he was uninterested, which was worse. She remained silent until they stopped mumbling. She was going to reinforce her idea, and insist on how it was the best they could do. She had the reasons, she had the numbers. Her dad interrupted her, telling her that they would vote for the 20% discount. The only people who agreed were HR management, commercial management, her dad, and one of the investors. The rest were all against it. Each one of them made sure to state how inadequate her proposition was and she heard all of them. They were worthless and unhelpful, but she needed to invest that energy right now. She stood there for around 20 minutes until the last pig gave his last statement.

“Well, since all of you gave me their opinion, and my proposal was rejected, I guess HR has to do their part now, but before we end this meeting, I would like to state something, your overhead isn’t worth more than your workers, none of you has more needs than them, but we do need them, the four months that I have spent here had taught me how badly managed this company is, and there are several changes that we need to do so in the future when this happens again we can face these issues as if they were a spring breeze, but for that, you need to trust me and let me do my job, now if you excuse me, I need to go and talk with one of our suppliers and postpone one of their pays” She bowed at them, hearing their uncomfortable mumbling and their flimsy justifications. She grabbed her things and walked outside the conference room with Kyung Soo following her steps.

She had never looked so beautiful as in that moment, the exact second she left the room with her head high and her steps hard against the floor. He followed her closely. Ready to receive her rage. But she kept quiet and serious.

She got inside her office without saying anything to him. He kept looking at her through the glass walls and could only see her back as she stared out the window. He knew she was suffering inside. He knew her enough to know that she was sad and frustrated. He wished he could do something, but he knew that it was impossible. The only thing he could do was hire those workers back. That would make her feel better.

He could hear her if she was feeling bad and she needed to vent, cry, maybe break something. He could get her a baseball bat and a car to smash its windows.

"Kyung Soo, I'm going out for some fresh air, be back in thirty" She interrupted his thoughts, walking past his desk. He didn't have time to ask her where she was going. He got a feeling. Not a bad one, but a weird one. He stood up and followed her. She didn't take the elevator but the stairs and walked up 5 floors to the ceiling. Eun Seo sat on the benches facing the west putting on her sunglasses as the sun wasn't completely hidden. Kyung Soo stood at the door and waited for her. The working day was about to be over, so the place was empty, giving her the privacy she needed. Crying, and screaming, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. But there was a lump in her throat, reminding her what just happened. She couldn't believe that by now, 15 people were jobless. Not because of her, but she couldn't protect them either. That company turned her into a toothless lion. She had no power since other people took the final decision. Her lower lip began shivering and she didn't stop her tears from falling, after all, it didn't matter anymore.

"You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering" She gasped when she heard his voice, but didn't try to hide her face, which gave him some hope. Maybe she would accept his help.

"I can predict all your necessities, but I can't read your pain, so please, seek for me when you need to vent out. I can lend you my shoulder, go for drinks with you, or distract you" He offered as he sat next to her. He had so many ideas on how to distract her. He wished he could distract her now.

"You followed me" She tried to suppress a cry but didn't succeed.

"I'm not going to apologize Miss Yoo"

"You say you can't read my pain, but you followed me and you are offering comfort, I think you read it pretty well"

"Are you going to accept it?"

"How are you going to distract me?" He bit his lip so his mouth wouldn't betray him. I could kiss you, he thought, hug you, touch you, devour you. But those were only thoughts.

"I can distract you later Miss, now you need to cry some more" He slid closer to her as if offering his body. She could cry on his shoulder, grab his hands, or rest on his lap. Whatever she needed. She only remained seated next to him. He was so close, she wished he could hug her, that would help her a lot. But that was incredibly inappropriate. So she remained seated, sobbing in silence. It broke Kyung Soo's heart to see her like that. He was so invested in her that seeing her burning her tongue with her morning coffee worried him, so the current situation felt like a nightmare. He could end it easily though. Take the initiative and hug her. Just an innocent friendly hug to support his dear boss couldn't be illegal. Maybe it wasn't too professional, but who cared about professionalism when the woman you like is going through something alone? He didn't care. So he did it. He turned to his left, passing an arm around her waist as the other cradled her head against his shoulder. She resisted at the beginning, professional as always, but he didn't lose his grip.

"This way is better" He said, tightening his hug. With a shaky breath, she finally let go of her resistance and allowed herself to be held by him. She didn't hug him back, trying to keep some prudence, but still molded to his chest, resting her head on his shoulder. She kept crying, but it felt so much better to cry over someone's clothing. Kyung Soo gave her some time in silence. He only held her. He was very tempted to kiss her head, but he was better than that. Slowly she calmed down, her breath was still irregular, but she wasn't sobbing anymore. She attempted to move, but he didn't let her. He liked to be like that.

"Stop beating yourself up, despite your best efforts people are going to get hurt"

"But that can't be the answer, that's a simplistic way of thinking" He chuckled, hoping she wasn't calling him a simple man.

"No, but I'm hopeful that is going to get better at some point, that's why I'm going to support you until you can make that change, and I hope that the next time this happens, you cry too, and the next too, I hope you remain human in this work, I've seen several people change" She moved her face from his shoulder and he allowed her to do so this time. She cleaned her eyes with the back of her hand and took a couple of deep breaths before speaking.

"My dad asked me to come and my heart obliged me to do it, I wished I was back at my company, but damn it, I still like this...my mom told me once that it didn't matter what I did with my life, I was going to end up behind my dad because it runs in our blood, to become a CEO, to be successful, I thought I had already done that at my company, but I was wrong, I'm tied to this capitalist thing"

"You say it like it's a bad thing...but it's not, it’s not a bad thing if you turn it into something that you are proud of, or at least happy with it”

“I know, it’s just…” Eun Seo closed her eyes tightly, biting the inside of her lip, containing her anger.

"When your employees are overworked your business model is defective, If they are overworked and not getting paid what they deserve, the business model is useless, our company is in the top five of the country's most successful companies in terms of how much money we make a year right? Then how the hell we are firing people now for a couple of accidents”

“Because of management”

“Exactly! So now 15 people are going to lose their jobs, and it’s not that the revenue for what we do is not greater than the costs of what we do, or that the thing we do is not viable, it's just that these shitty people don’t know shit about profitable, ethical and long-lasting business, they only care about making money today, not tomorrow, not next year, fuck them, next meeting I’m going to trick them in to accept my investing proposal and saving proposal so I can leave in peace” Whenever he thought or heard about her leaving in a matter of years he had the urge to ask her if she was planning on taking him with her, he would follow like a puppy.

“Let’s do that then, you know I’m going to help you” She released her lower lip from between her teeth to smile at him. A brief one, before she bit her lips in anger again. Fully conscious of what he was doing and with his authorization, his hand went under her chin and with his thumb he pressed and pulled down the skin of her chin, pulling down her lower lip, looking for a wound.

“What?” She was surprised, but didn’t move her face away from him.

“I saw you before, biting the inside of your lip in anger, I was checking how bad was the damage”

“How bad is it?” Since she was stolid under his touch, he went on and caressed her lip, examining it better.

“Not too bad, is not bleeding, stop biting it though, what do you want to do now? No work-related, it’s enough for today” She pondered for a while, but he already knew her answer. Go home.

“Take me out for drinks again, I need that, I had a great time that night, and I slept like a baby” How dare he pretend that he could predict her after knowing her for some months.

“Also, I’m sorry I cursed so much in front of you”

“Don’t apologize for that Miss Yoo” She grinned and moved away from his touch. She wasn’t rejecting it, at least it didn’t look like that, but he still hated to have to take his hand away from her.

Kyung Soo delivered again, taking her to another of his favorite bars. That night she drank a bit more, mostly cocktails, and he took care of her, drinking his coke. Before leaving she took a short nap on his shoulder and he had to piggyback her to the car and then to her bed. He left her on top of her bed dressed but covered by her duvet. She looked happy in her drunken dream.

If he were drunk too they could have shared the bed and the next morning he would have used the excuse of him being so drunk that he fell asleep there by accident.

Just lying next to her was enough, he lied to himself.

He wanted more than that of course. Help her put on her pajamas, or cuddle under the duvet with her.

+++++++

It took her three weeks of working until four in the morning to develop the flawless business plan she was planning to implement in the company. She spent a lot of that time practicing her speech too. Steading her voice, coming up with her passive-aggressive sentences, preparing her answer for every single possible question they could ask.

The meeting was going to be held that Monday morning. He and Eun Seo met that Sunday to go over the proposal for the last time. He was able to help her relax by mocking each one of the members of the board even her dad. When he noticed how she was cleaning the tears that her laughter brought to her eyes, he felt so incredibly accomplished.

He picked her up at her place, with coffee and a new pair of stockings just in case. Everybody in her department knew what was going to happen that morning, all of them cooperated in the development of the project so the whole office was expectant. Before they left for the meeting, she promised them that she would give all she had to represent them in front of the board. Kyung Soo loved that, how she always positioned herself at the same level as everybody. She considered herself another coworker but was conscious of her position as a leader, so her priority was always to protect them and represent them. Inside the empty elevator, she stood next to him, their arms touching. He dared to think that she was seeking him, his support. With a bit of braveness, he moved his right hand to her back and left it there.

“Relax, I’m confident about what are you going to present, and also if they close the door in our faces, we try again, and again, this is not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” Eun Seo took a deep breath and released a long shaky sigh.

“You are so right, yes Kyung Soo, this is the first step, we can do this, and if we fail, we try again” He patted her back and retrieved his hand once the elevator arrived at their floor. When they arrived her father and the rest of the managers were already there.

“You arrived early” She said to her father.

“I’m looking forward to this meeting, and I promise you that I’m going to support your proposal, your words are stuck in my head, we need some changes here”

“Dad, you know that you need the approval of the rest of the board” Kyung Soo stood next to her, ready to take her away if she got a bit feisty with her father.

“I know that Eun Seo, no need to remind me, but you should know too that I know how the brain of these people work, after all, I’m one of them, I know how to change their minds”

“Good, that could be helpful” Eun Seo bowed at him and went to her seat. Kyung Soo sat behind her as the rest of the members of the board began to arrive at the conference room. The words of her father kept playing in his head. He was offering his support, which was good, but behind that support, he felt a lack of confidence in the work of his daughter. He was expecting her failure, so he could come to the rescue. It filled him with anger, Eun Seo was clearly a great CFO, and she was going to prove herself.

When she stood up to stand at the podium and present the business model, Kyung Soo’s back went straight, and he sat on the edge of his seat. She addressed the audience, her voice loud and clear filled with confidence. As she spoke, he could repeat her speech in his head, since they went over it so many times. He felt his heart in his throat, a mixture of feelings taking over his body. He was so incredibly nervous, nothing could help him predict how this meeting would end. But also, seeing her there made him feel so proud. He was delighted with her image. Her suit that he helped her choose, simple makeup, and her hair down. She looked so striking, fearless. He couldn’t understand how her father didn’t see that. How no one could see that she was a safe card for this company?

There was an innocence in her that Kyung Soo loved. Not an innocence that translated into weakness, but rather a personality trait that gave her a uniqueness to deal with whatever life put in front of her. She always gave orders followed by a please and thank you. She was never rude. She never lost her temper. She learned everyone’s names in a couple of days. She was considered with him too. She never called him during the weekends. Only if it was a very urgent matter. She always invited him to a coffee and asked about his well-being. He called that innocence. She hadn’t picked up the acts and behavior of her older colleagues. She was still pure, untainted regarding this business. He wished she could remain like this.

He wished he could be there with her watching her climb the ladder but remaining truthful to her own ethics and values.

He wanted to be there helping her, in any way she wanted. He had a fantasy with her, a daydream where he pulled her close after a long day, running his hands through her dark hair, listening about her day. He wished he could give her love and security in his embrace. Especially now, when she was under the scrutiny of all these pigs, as she liked to call them.

But of course, he was fully conscious that she didn’t need any of that from him.

He was in the middle of his daydreaming when she locked eyes with him, giving him a nod. She was done.

The small audience erupted in low whispers, commenting with each other. Kyung Soo scanned the room, checking their reactions. Most of them were nodding and smiling. A bunch of them were serious, but welcoming to her proposal.

“Thank you, Miss Yoo, personally, I feel very positive about this proposal, as she said, we need to upgrade our business model, so let’s proceed with our voting, hands up who approves for our company to implement this new business model as it was proposed by our CFO” Kyung Soo counted ten hands up, ten out of 12. He looked at Eun Seo, and he found her looking at him with a controlled expression. But he knew she was happy, he could see it in her eyes.

Mister Yoo called for a round of applause and then some of the members gave her their words, and considerations regarding the plan and asked some questions they had regarding her long-term plans. One of the pigs, Kyung Soo allowed himself to use that word in his head and raised his hand. One of the two men who voted against the business plan. He saw her square her shoulders and he did the same.

“I must recognize that the presentation was very good, and looked very pretty on the wall, but, implementing it is a whole other issue, so I hope Miss Yoo lives up to the expectations, for example, Miss Yoo, that time we had to fire some people” Kyung Soo felt disgusted when he heard him call his colleagues ‘some people’.

“I heard you had a bad time doing so, something happened at the rooftop right?, this is not your start-up, this is a huge company, so you have to be brave” Eun Seo chuckled bitterly.

“Well sir, yes this is not my start-up, I'm very aware of that, but what my small company and this one have in common is that it would be impossible to have what we have now without the work of our employees, the only thing that makes us great is our workers, so yeah, I was frustrated when we had to let go 15 of them, 15 of our workers, not just some people, let’s all remember that my car, your house, this modern building are possible in big part thanks to them, so I don’t think is braveness what I lack but maybe I have too much heart, and I will try to change that, thank you for your advice” Kyung Soo felt his eyebrows twitch after hearing that man speak, but Eun Seo response was perfect. One of the investors who voted in favor of Eun Seo’s proposal before tried to ease the tension.

“Well put Miss Yoo, we are looking forward to our future with you as the CFO” Her dad patted him on the shoulder and stood up, walking to her daughter's side.

“I have big hopes too, now if you gentlemen don't mind we need to cut the meeting short” Eun Seo bowed to the members and walked in his direction, he met her halfway ready to congratulate her but she interrupted him, whispering to him.

“Could you act like we have things to do? you know, business to take care of, I don't want to leave with them” He immediately pulled a bunch of papers from his binder and began mumbling about something. They apologized for staying behind and didn’t leave the room until the last person left.

As soon as they were alone, Eun Seo stood up and quickly walked outside the room. Kyung Soo cursed under his breath. She wasn’t happy. They got inside an empty elevator and as the doors closed, she stomped angrily, making the elevator shake. He wasn’t very fond of a shaky elevator so he stood behind her, trying to calm her down, trying to find out why was she so mad.

“Can you believe what that pig said? How did he know that I cried on the rooftop? How could he talk about our coworkers like that? How dare he imply that I’m not brave? And also, what the fuck it means to be brave? Tell me, I am not brave because I worry about people? Because I worry about people that didn’t deserve to be fired? Tell me Kyung Soo, what the hell does it mean to be brave?” The thunder in her voice and the anger in her eyes clouded his mind. It was scary and beautiful. She was furious, and it made him furious. How dare that guy make her like this? To offend her like this. Why weren’t more men worshiping her as she deserved? With her storms and calms, with her tenderness and violence. He couldn’t be the only one noticing it. Her braveness, there was no doubt about her braveness. He wanted to be brave too.

“Eun Seo” He called her name as his hands held her face. Everything happened in no more than five seconds, but his brain slowed it down, for his enjoyment or to give him the chance to back off. His entire body was buzzing, and he was overly conscious of his hands. His thumb caressed her red cheeks.

“This is being brave” Kyung Soo leaned in and brought her lips to his. She inhaled sharply and his pulse raced, a little less brave now that he was doing it. His heart came to a halt, his breath caught in his throat. She didn’t answer the kiss, but he didn’t move either. He just rested his lips against her, trying to feel her warmth and softness. He was finally doing it. He had imagined this so many times. In so many ways.

Eun Seo wasn’t only not answering, it looked like she wasn’t breathing either. He caressed her face again and moved apart, meeting her dark shocked eyes. His hands moved from her face, resisting his order for a second. He took a step back just in time as a couple of people were getting inside the elevator. Eun Seo stood awkwardly next to him, her eyes still blown wide and avoiding his eyes that couldn’t move away from her. They went out of the elevator and walked to her office, but Eun Seo stopped outside the coffee room and gave him a look. She got inside and he followed her, not thinking about what she wanted.

“Why did you do that?” She didn’t sound mad, which was a relief, but there was shock in her voice.

“Because I like you”

“What? Secretary Do!”

“Yes, and also because I was so..I got this rush after hearing you in the meeting, I just wanted to kiss you, I wanted to distract you, I know how you get after every meeting” She tried to interrupt him, but he still had some things to say.

“Eun Seo, don't listen to what they say, you don't have to change that heart of yours”

“Thank you, but I wasn't planning on doing so” She looked at her feet embarrassed, although her voice was cheeky as always.

“Good, I’m glad”}

“But Secretary Do! That’s not the thing, how could you do that? It was so irresponsible and in the elevator?! There are cameras in there” He had the blame there.

“I'm so sorry, I didn't think about that, is not going to happen again” He bowed, being honest.

“Of course is not gonna happen again!” She gave him a look that he was sure was the exasperated and angry look of a woman who had been attacked in the elevator by an unprofessional secretary, but to him…it just made him like her more.

It was embarrassing. He thought he was better than that.

To his despair, although if he was honest he kind of deserved it, Eun Seo didn’t talk to him during the rest of the week. Only when it was strictly necessary. So only when it was job-related.

She had lunch at her office by herself, and one time, when she was getting inside the elevator, she turned around and gave him a look that was clear.

Wait for the next one.

So he took a step back and saw the doors close, hiding her annoyed face.

After thinking it through, spending nights without sleep, and feeling her coldness, he decided that quitting was probably the best. She probably didn't trust him anymore. So the first thing that he did that Friday morning was give her his resignation letter.

She grabbed it, read the words on the envelope, and looked up at him, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not accepting this, don’t be stupid, why are you giving me this?”

“It’s clear that you are uncomfortable with my presence”

“And I’m not allowed to be slightly uncomfortable after you kissed me? Can I have some days to deal with it, why are men always so dramatic?” Kyung Soo was a bit disconcerted. She was mad at him now for another reason, one more.

"You don't want my resignation?”

“How the hell I’m going to manage without you, look, I’m not going to pay the price because you did that, or because you feel guilty now, just…Can I have some time? Also, this is very unprofessional, this is not the moment nor place to talk about this” She went back to her computer and Kyung Soo went back to his job.

He wasn’t yet sure if she was rejecting him or not, but at least she still wanted him around her. Even if it was only for work, it made him hopeful.

+++++++

He was doing grocery shopping that Saturday morning when he got a call from Eun Seo.

“Do you have plans? Can we meet later?” He crashed with the cart in front of him, not being able to believe what he was hearing. He even checked if it was really her number calling. It was.

“No, I don’t have plans, nothing, where do you want to meet?”

“I don’t know, you tell me, send me the location and I will be there by eight”

“Ok, sure, yeah, I will choose a good place” He was sure he was talking rather loudly with excitement since a couple passing by kept staring at him with amused grins.

“I will be waiting, and Kyung Soo…this is not a work outing thing, ok, bye” She hung up and Kyung Soo stared at his phone in disbelief for a minute until an old lady asked him if he was fine.

It took him the rest of the afternoon to find what to wear. Since she said that it wasn’t a work outing thing, he couldn’t wear a suit, which could have been his safest option. Now he had to choose a look. He noticed that he needed to buy more than suits and black t-shirts and sweatpants. He found a blue sweater at the back of his closet and called it the day. That, paired with a pair of jeans was a look.

He drove to the restaurant where they were planning to meet, 30 minutes too early. When he walked in, Eun Seo was already seated at one of the tables, drinking from a glass of beer. She had arrived early too.

With a hand on his chest, he hid behind a wall and gave himself a moment to think what that could mean. He arrived early because he was too anxious and expectant about this date. He also wanted to see her, talk to her, drink with her. That’s why he arrived early.

Maybe she wanted the same.

He took a deep breath and walked to her, hoping that his brain wouldn’t betray him and he could be able to talk with some sense.

“You arrived early too,” She told him when she saw him.

“I wanted to see you” Eun Seo gave him a fleeting smile and signaled him to take a seat. He wanted to ask her why she arrived early, but that would put her on the spot, and he didn’t want to be that selfish. They ordered food and a drink for Kyung Soo and as soon as the waitress left, Eun Seo broke the thin ice.

“I have been thinking about what happened on Monday, Why did you do that? Did I lead you in some way?” She went straight for it. Eun Seo was someone who in general was quite shy and only showed herself when she needed to be the strong one, so mostly at work. She was treating this like a meeting with an investor.

“You don't even notice how charming you are, how attractive you are, you didn’t lead me, no, I just fell for you” Eun Seo’s face washed blank with confusion as if his words were hard for her to understand. She closed her eyes, shaking her head.

“I didn't dislike it, I’m sorry if that was worrying you, it’s just… It was a lot, and it scared me a little bit” That was what made him anxious the most, scarying her, made her feel insecure with his presence. That’s why she didn’t want to get in an elevator with him.

“I'm sorry if you felt attacked by me, it was never my intention, I didn’t want you to feel invaded or disrespected by…” She jolted on her seat, interrupting him.

“No, not scared like that Kyung Soo, it’s just…” He had to interrupt her now, so she didn't have a hard time explaining something she wasn’t sure about yet.

“As long as you are not scared of me, you don’t need to explain yourself if you are not ready”

“Thank you, and I'm not scared of you, I could never” They were interrupted by the waitress bringing his drink and a plate with dumplings. Since the issue about her not being mad or scared of him was settled, Kyung Soo raised his glass, inviting her to make a toast. She did the same with her glass of beer and locked eyes with him when their glasses clinked. Eun Seo ate a dumpling and had a sip of beer before talking, looking a bit more relaxed.

"What you said before kissing me, that it was brave, that you kissing me was being brave is very true I think... But I don't have that braveness in me, recognizing my feelings for you could bring backlash, for both of us, and I'm not ready for that, I'm not as brave as you think I am”

“It’s ok, I understand that and I can wait, but not forever” Eun Seo gave him a quizzical look.

“Are you giving me an ultimatum?” She finished with a chuckle.

“Yes” Her mouth was wide open, incredulous.

“How long do I have to make a decision?” She asked, mocking him. He looked at her, holding her stare with a glare, and they both broke into laughter after a couple of seconds. This time Eun Seo offered her glass for a toast.

“I'm not giving you a date, but, just don't overthink it”

“Yeah, I guess you are right” She answered with a dumpling in her mouth.

Now that everything was clear, he didn’t regret kissing her. It was probably the worst way to approach someone that you liked and respected, but she had forgiven him. Surely that didn’t atone his sins, but it gave him some peace of mind.

He was sure that he would have done it sooner or later. After all, time always exposes what you feel for someone.

TBC

#exosnet #exowritersnet #d.o #Kyungsoo #do kyungsoo #kyung soo fanfic #exo fanfic

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lambourngb · 4 years

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Get me out of here - places to go when canon is complicated

It’s Day 3, time to celebrate those stories that I turn to when I can’t deal with canon, or when I don’t have the emotional energy to untangle all the emotions I have for what’s going on in canon. Alternative universes, the safe harbor for us. Below are a mix of rewrites of canon, remixes of canon, or out right not even set in Roswell- to fill every type distance you want from canon- from near to far.

The first story I’m reccing is a long one,- so pardon the very long review below.

my love is a life taker by @jocarthage (267,600) So one day, Jessi popped into discord to share a dream she had about timetravel and being able to save yourself in the past basically, particularly Alex getting to give his baby-self a hug, and we all went, “holy shit that’s a cool fic idea please write it!” and really reality sucks right now with quarantine and whatnot, so what better thing to do than follow a WIP? I can’t tell you how badly I needed to something to look forward to as I was staring down a milestone birthday with all my plans in tatters, and this story filled the void.

Okay- now about the actual story itself, the world building about time travel in this is incredible but easy to absorb. Jessi dumps you straight into the action in chapter 1 with Alex, at 28, assassinating an Iraqi intelligence agent in 2009 that averts a bomb that was planned on US forces. You learn so much about both the story-universe and Alex here- one, that even dressed in mask and killing someone, Alex is kind and uses morphine as an overdose and has arranged for his victim’s family to be compensated, you learn that time agents can only visit places they themselves have visited during that time, and Jesse Manes had dragged his son, who was ‘time aware’ to every place of war and ruin on the planet before he was 18 and that, Alex’s victim, even as he’s dying, recognizes what a shit childhood Alex had but that Alex doesn’t.

The next part is where Alex’s time crystal malfunctions, instead of returning him to 2018, it takes him to 1998 where an 8 year old Michael is getting beaten by his foster dad and Alex, out of his time line mysteriously, visible to only Michael, saves him, but only temporarily. We all know with abusers, until you’re out of the house, it’s just a matter of time before the next beating. However, with one act, Alex at 28 starts putting into action (even though he doesn’t recognize it at the time) the steps to save his own life as he works to save Michael from his childhood. Each mission, each jump through time, Alex meets Michael, always a year apart and only for 1000 seconds, or almost 17 minutes. Jessi takes you through some of the darkest points of US foreign policy, only as Alex takes control of his life, he also starts to change the missions, and change the world. The details of places, people, food, etc are authentic from the author’s experience, if you don’t click on the links at the end of the chapters and disappear down google-rabbit holes about the events in history, well- you’re made of stronger stuff than I am. There are lots of heavy subjects discussed, but there’s always care and honesty behind the intent. The way Michael grows, the way Alex grows, and of course the journey to the present time when they could be together? It’s like pining on steroids but it’s so wonderful. I wish I could pull out one thing that I loved in particular in this story- but it’s impossible, only to say that I love that I could disappear completely within the confines of ‘my love is a life taker’ knowing that I would be kept safe by the author, that goodness prevails.

 when I’m oceans away by @neapeaikea (28,000) this is a post-2008 shed canon-divergent AU where Alex Manes, after the best/worst night of his life bolts from Roswell and leaves Michael behind. 10 years later, on the hunt for a child conceived at Caulfield, Michael walks into a youth home in California and finds Alex. A few things, I love that this author writes an Alex who didn’t join the Air Force but still lost a leg, I don’t really enjoy disability erasure in modern AUs (I’m better at looking past that in historical or sci fi aus) . It’s pretty clear after five minutes that the connection between the two men is still there and strong despite anger, secrets and guilt. The teasing and flirting between them is great but so is the acceptance of baring their vulnerabilities. I loved the care they take with each other, and the tie in to an alien child is just so perfect.

Crucibles (series) @ninswhimsy (9,000)- I’m cheating and naming both here, but obviously nin had her finger on the pulse of fandom, by writing crusade-set queer stories before The Old Guard ever boomed into a fandom from the movie. I was lucky enough to trade DMs over the ideas of holiness and the body, and how Alex would have treated himself, certain of his doomed soul, and how Michael would have responded in turn. It’s no secret I love everything Nin writes, but this series stuck in my mind. I will be drifting off to sleep, and think about Alex walking through the ancient city of Aleppo, ready to be done with his burden and Michael there with soft palms and scented oil, and boom! I reach for my kindle to re-read it.

no regrets if we walk this new road by @andrea-lyn (97,000) This author has written so many amazing AUs, some quite far away from canon events like her Mummy AU or her Avengers AU, but I have to say, I have a very soft-spot for this rewrite of season 1 for a lot of reasons. I mean, it’s 2020, so my appetite for Cop!Max is definitely at an all-time low, so the idea of exchanging his job with Kyle’s was extremely appealing. At least Kyle is a POC holding the badge, not a white man like our canon. Anyway, politics aside, this story is special to me for the scorching good Isobel/Kyle relationship that develops, the way Isobel sharpens herself into a lawyer (not an event planner) and how Michael rounds his own edges off in turn by becoming a teacher (and being secretly married). Each deviation from canon made complete sense once you alter the way Rosa’s death affects the pod squad, and how they covered it up ripples out toward Liz, Kyle, etc.

 Layer on layer, down on down by @dotsayers (9,440) I love sci-fi tropes, especially time-loops, but they are incredibly hard to write (I know, I abandoned mine a while ago) so this story stands out because of just how well done the execution is and also the angst. Michael in a time loop about Caulfield, like how great/agonizing is that? The plot is so good, how it ties into Caulfield and why it happens in the first place, like wow. The care, and the hurt, and the fatigue that Michael has in this story, oh you just want to wrap him in a blanket. There’s a tiny throwaway line about how one of the first things Michael learned to do in foster care was to make himself heavy and unmovable- and you instantly picture kid!Michael not wanting to be removed from a house - like my heart broke! The structure of the story, with the background of his just how much he loves Alex but how badly it hurts to see him die, really makes this study of 1x12 special. Along with all the angst, there’s tiny gallows humor lines, so am I weird, that I laughed through a couple of these scenes even as Michael kept dying?

Petty pace by @aewriting (11,600) Aewriting has a couple of stellar AUs, so trying to pick just one was difficult, but I rather feel this story is sadly underappreciated it (mind the tags). It was a remix of @iwontbeyourmedicine ‘s fantastic ‘Freaky Friday’, where the humans and aliens swap roles. Alex in the role of Michael basically was something I had never pictured until Ly wrote that story, and now feel utterly changed by it, especially with this backstory- the idea of Jesse Manes bringing a foster child home? Incredibly well done because there’s an off the charts level of menace in this story. The way Jesse watches Alex, who at first mistakes it for how a pedophile might size up a victim, but then catches on quickly that it’s so much worse in a lot of ways. And Alex is such a loner in the beginning, even as he reconnects with his pod siblings Liz and Maria, he’s still planning on keeping his head down and leaving Roswell far behind. Like freedom is literally the only thing he can conceive of for himself, no real dreams outside of that until Michael slips under his defenses. I probably could have saved this story for angst day- because the second half of the story, if you don’t sob while you read it, then I dunno. It’s helpful to read Ly’s story right afterward as a reminder that things do get better for Alex ten years later. In a lot of ways this story is sadder than canon (though there’s no murder of Rosa/4th alien), I’m comforted that at least Alex has Liz in the aftermath, alike in heartache in a way that Michael didn’t have because of the pact he and Max made about Isobel in canon.

Unexpected tidings by @bestillmyslashyheart (24,800) Another rewrite of canon, that explores a couple of very interesting questions, like what would it look like if Michael never made it back to Roswell as a kid but met Alex by chance in 2008? Imagine the cornerstone of the Lost Decade love affair revolving around the mundane questions of a long distance relationship that wasn’t built on the pain of the shed or Rosa’s death? Marlo writes an amazing take on this, that is both real and deep with the normal couple problems, before introducing that spanner in the works of oh yeah, aliens are real. With Michael on the east coast, and Alex finishing off his service in Roswell, Project Shepherd still entangles Alex with Liz bringing him in on the secret in hopes that with his hacker skills he can track down the third alien child that Max and Iz remember so they can warn him. As interesting as the current plot was, I found myself absolutely revitted the slow piecemeal reveals that Marlo doled out about Alex and Michael’s relationship over time. (I also while rereading this recently got very nostaglic for season 1 Alex who didn’t trust Jesse as far as he could toss him.)

Don’t Punish Me For What I Feel by @winged-fool (3,600) Tarsus IV AU - another wonderful author with a catalog of great AUs, both sci-fi and dark, and honestly it was difficult to narrow it down to one. This story, well in 2009 I was a hard core Trek movie fan, so when I saw a trek-fusion story appear, I knew I would love it just on that basis. The thing is, this gave me Michael as the Captain, a surprisingly rare role for these space fusions, even though genius level repeat offender Jim Kirk and genius level repeat offender Michael Guerin seems pretty married in my mind as a connection. As a Tarsus-like story, all the tags are well earned by the story that Alex finally shares with Michael. It hit on so many levels, the hurt/comfort level for sure, but also to have a story where Michael is this stalwart protector of Alex was really nice to find.

this isn’t the ‘holiday best friends championship’ by @usbournejez (6,090) alright to leave this on a lighter note, my final AU rec is this masterpiece by Kieran that was part of Malex Secret Santa gift fics- and what a gift it was to all of us! The way she writes established Malex is first-rate, because she always includes their canon-levels of snark/sharpness but it’s never directed at each other and that’s something I love. Here we have Alex, where we learn in just a few short lines, is a huge control freak but has the extremely big emotional handicap, and that’s his love/fondness/deserve to caretake Michael. Emotional cactus Alex who is soft for Michael? Love it. There are small drops of angsty backstory peppered in this, but really that just fuels just how sweet and wonderful the main theme of the story- which is Alex might hate the whole world at large, he loves, protects and worships Michael (and vice versa). As someone who can bake cookies, but that’s about it, I was still enthralled with the baking details and this story has never failed to encourage me to eat dessert before dinner basically.

#rnmcreate2020 #malex fic #roswell new mexico #malex fic rec #malex #MALEX FEELS #michael guerin #alex manes #fandom positivity #worship our great authors in this fandom #can we pretend it's Wednesday?#a day late and a dollar short #working on today's now!

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kny-secret-santa2019 · 4 years

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From: @3rdgymbros

For: @knybits

message: hi, lovely, merry christmas! i was watching mulan and this was the result - i really hope you like this oneshot! i’ve been a big fan of your blog, and i love the creativity and effort that you put into writing scenarios! thank you for all your hard work!

— pairing; tanjirou kamado x reader ( modern au )

— prompt; want to help me get my parents off my ass about not having a date?

The matter of you finding a date for the annual family Christmas party begins to obsess your Grandmother. She won’t let the matter rest until your Grandfather and Father both take up the refrain; and once the men of the household are of her own mind, Grandmother immediately goes through the list of prestigious family connections. One such date includes the eldest son of an abalone cannery millionaire. A prospective date is suggested and your protests dismissed entirely.

“Only one date. If you like him, you can have another,” Your Grandmother says, with an impatient wave of her blood-coloured nails, the scent of Schiaparelli and mothballs wafting about her.

It’s unbearable. You lock yourself in your room and refuse to come out, anger and fear drumming through your body. You throw yourself onto the bed and listen as your Grandmother beats her small fists against the door.

“Do you want to be an old maid?” She screams.

“Yes!” You howl in return. Outside you hear whispering, and you know that your mother is there.

It’s unbearable. You’re only in High School and already your life is being squeezed into a box, all those rules and expectations laid out for you, and you’re expected to play along like the good daughter that you are. No one cares that you’ve been acing all your classes, that you’ve been nursing a secret hope that you might win a scholarship and go to England and study law when you graduate.

At last you’re left alone, and you hear the tiny shuffling steps of your Grandmother, supported by your Mother, fading away down the corridor. After a while, you get up, and, opening the window shutters wide, observe the slender branches of the Mexican lilac pushing up beneath the sill, wondering if it will hold your weight.

It’s not easy to reach the tree without falling from the window, but at last you grasp a strong branch and you swing yourself forwards, your sneaker-clad feet scrabbling for a hold against the trunk. Almost at once, you hear a loud crack, and falls with the branch the short distance to the ground. Your knee is scraped and you feel your shoulder throb with the beginnings of a bruise, but nothing more, and scrambling up, you run off through the main gate of the family estate.

An hour later, with nowhere else to go, you find yourself in the Kamado family bakery, pouring out your sorrows to a sympathetic Tanjirou, who nods in response at your story, as your tone rises to a high, fevered crescendo, and how your face wrinkles in distress at the impossible situation that your family has forced you into.

You pause for breath, and look around the Kamado family bakery. Nezuko, a baguette in her mouth, mans the cashier and counts out change for a waiting customer. Bells of all sizes, from tiny jingle to massive cow, chimes out entrances from hooks on the back of the door. The combination of scents envelops you: vanilla and cinnamon and warm chocolates with hints of lemon and cherry. As you sip on your frothy latte, you inhale the pockets of aromas, each one a comforting embrace of all that is good in this upside-down world.

Tanjirou slides a cream éclair over to you; you moan at the sight of the chocolate-covered confection, a specialty of the bakery, and your favorite dessert. “It’s on the house,” He says, smiling warmly, and a twinge sadly. “I wish I could do more to help.”

You seep deeper into your chair, letting his words roll over you. Tanjirou’s always been a good friend of yours, helpful and eager to please, and when he smiles, oh, when he smiles, it’s almost as if the sun itself is unfurling its rays and bringing light to your dreary existence. You have to battle back a blush, along with the realization that this little crush on your classmate isn’t going away anytime soon.

A plan slowly begins to form in your mind. You almost feel guilty for what you’re about to propose, and you promise yourself that you’ll buy all your bread from The Kamado Family Bakery for as long as you live.

“You can.” Propping your chin up with the flat of your palm, you motion Tanjirou closer. “So. Want to help me get my parents off my ass about not having a date?”

Tanjirou smiles, his face wrinkling into the lines of one used to joy and gentleness. In your chest, your traitorous heart thumps all the harder, a shoe knocking about noisily in the dryer. You swallow. Hard.

“Sure! What do you have in mind?”

This is the first thing that you think: that this whole situation seems like something right out one of Zenitsu’s trashy romance novels. This is the second thing that you think, somewhat in a daze, with cheeks painted red: Tanjirou cleans up well.

You make a beeline for Tanjirou as he hovers by the door, a paper bag clutched uncertainly in his hands, even as an uncharacteristically timid smile graces his lips; but as your attention is currently being occupied by your Grand-Aunt, who has forgotten your name for the third time in a row, and it’s your Mother and Father who, as one, both move intercept him, cutting through the crowd to greet him. Though, you suppose, it’s better your parents than your Grandmother, who is bound to be watching the boy you’ve brought home with an eagle-eye from her place of honor at the head of the table.

“You must be Tanjirou,” Father says, his face impassive as always, giving nothing away. “( Your Name ) has told us about you.”

“I-It’s very nice to meet you!” Tanjirou says in response, a little too loudly, and his cheeks color pink as everyone in the room turns to look, sizing him up from the top of his hair, plastered to his brows with very strong hair gel, all the way down to his neatly polished shoes. He bows, stiffly and formally. “This is for you!”

“You brought bread?” Your mother asks, taking a peek into the proffered bag. She inhales the yeasty goodness and her eyes light up. “Everyone here loves the bread your family bakes! Come, let me introduce you to the family.”

The tension drains out of Tanjirou’s frame, his expression morphing into one of pride. Mother takes him by the hand and circles the room, making introductions. Every set of eyes smile at him. Father nods discreetly at you before stepping into the kitchen, and you heave a silent sigh of relief. You catch Tanjirou’s eye as he moves about the room, and you smile and nod encouragingly, trying to push calm energy at him.

Step one, passed.

Step two is getting through dinner.

Although you already know how extensive your family is, every year you still find yourself marveling at the sheer amount of people currently occupying the family dining room. The glow of fairy lights adoring the walls gives the large dining room unworldly appeal. The sound of laughter, chatter and greetings competes with the Christmas music playing from the speakers.

Everyone sits down to eat almost immediately. The table is an impressive expanse of solid burl wood, topped with glass. Each place setting bears a napkin starched white, silverware, and a stiff card embossed with individual names. Blessedly, your seat is next to Tanjirou, and directly beside your Grandmother, whose beady eyes always seem to linger on the boy at your side. Her wrinkled lips are pursed into a thin line, and she only nods as Tanjirou introduces himself once again.

You’ll never be able to please her, you think bitterly, staring down at your silverware and your rainbow-hued cup, filled to the brim with sparkling juice. Still, you do feel a tad guilty that it’s because of your hare-brained scheme that Tanjirou is currently in this mess, and so, under the table, you brush your hand against his own. You hope that Tanjirou feels you in that moment, a mix of gratitude and apology wrapped in that one touch.

The moment is fleeting, but the warmth of his smile grounds you and wrings the air out of your lungs all at once. You close your eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation, how the butterflies in your stomach seem to flutter to life at this one simple touch.

Juicy, garlicky meatloaf, creamy scalloped potatoes, blanched greens with slivered almonds, French bread, and salads full of bright colours and textures are placed on the table and passed around family style. The conversation is pleasant but not heady. The star would definitely be Tanjirou, who gracefully answers every question thrown at him; though you do end up stepping in as soon as you catch his face twitching as he forces out a lie – good, honest Tanjirou, you think, would make a terrible poker player.

How did you and ( Your Name ) meet?

We’re classmates. She invited me for dinner.

How old are you?

I’m 16.

Doesn’t your family own a bakery downtown?

Yes, the Kamado Bakery!

The bread there is so good, my daughter stops there every day after school.

Thank you for your support, my dad would be really happy to know that you like his bread so much!

As the conversation tapers into a lull, your mother stands, slips into the kitchen and brings out dessert on a silver tray. There are slices of fruit cake, mince pies, and a chestnut log cake donated by the Kamado Bakery.

You spear a fork into your second slice of log cake, tasting thick, velvety chocolate coating your tongue. You let out a long hum of satisfaction. Various faces around the table are also glazed over with satisfaction, as they refill their plates.

Your Mother turns to Tanjirou then, with a smile and friendly eyes. There’s no doubt in your mind that she fully approves of Tanjirou. “Why don’t you come back again tomorrow with your family? Stay for dinner?”

Until, finally, your Grandmother speaks up, for the first time in the evening. Her voice is completely serious. “Would you like to stay forever?”

You choke on your next spoonful of cake.

#tanjirou kamado #tanjirou kamado x reader #tanjirou x reader #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kamado tanjirou #submission

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paradiselostbythedashboardlight · 3 years

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Quarantine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Wrote 430,943 Words of Prose in a Year

As we are coming up terrifyingly fast on a full year of quarantine with no end to the pandemic yet in sight for most people, I’ve been taking some time to reflect on the last year of my existence in a state that most people now refer to as quarantine. Since March of 2020, I, like most other sane people in my country, have stopped traveling, going to stores, seeing all but a limited group of other humans, and begun having recurring nightmares about being in crowds without a piece of cloth over my nose and mouth.

Suffice to say, it has been a bit stressful.

The other thing that I have done since COVID-19 began rapidly spreading across the globe last year is write over 430,943 words of fiction.

The number seems insane to me still. That is (approximately) one Gone With The Wind, one entire Lord of the Rings series, or the first four Harry Potter books. That is still sadly not yet War and Peace (but who knows… the pandemic isn’t over yet).

So now that I am looking back, I find myself with one question: how did this happen? Why did I do this? What does this mean about my life this year?

Since apparently I answer best by writing a lot, let’s begin at the beginning. Let me tell you a story. I’ll keep it short, I swear.

Part 1: Blast From the Past

In March of 2020, I was still in the midst of an academic semester. There was a long academic document to write and a class to teach. However, as quarantine abruptly robbed me of most of my usual commitments, I was suddenly thrust into the position of having more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. Consequently, I decided to break out the Nintendo Switch I’d gotten for Christmas and revive a childhood interest in video games.

And boy did I. I played the games I owned for all they were worth. I played them during the evenings when I had no social engagements to attend. I played them during the Zoom meetings I was already struggling to pay attention to. By the end of March, I had finished one game, and it had set the wheels turning in my brain.

Here’s a fact about me: I don’t usually tend to write or read a lot of fanfiction about things that I consider really really good. Basically, fanfiction for me has always been an impulse born from incompletion or imperfection. I see no need to add to a perfect story (although I happily consume and create fanart). But for something enjoyable and yet slightly unsatisfying? That’s fanfic territory, bud.

So by April, I had developed a sort of epic fanfiction for this video game I was playing. It was one of those magnum opus kind of ideas, a grand retelling of the story with a huge sprawling plot and Themes (™).

At first, it was merely a thought experiment that lived only in my head, a sort of entertainment to ponder in the hours before falling asleep. What changed? Well, a friend of mine decided to also write a fanfiction on the same video game and she kindly consented to let me read it.

Suddenly, I was ravenously hungry to read and to write and to share and to consume. I wrote a hundred thousand words of this fanfic in April and into early May, sending each chapter to my friend and being spurred onward by her kind comments.

The fic became a gargantuan endeavor full of strange little challenges I set for myself. It was a canon-divergence, requiring plotting, worldbuilding, a darker and grimer tone. For some reason, I decided to write each chapter from a different character’s perspective, making the final product into a series of essentially short story character studies which together formed a plot.

By the end of May, the story was published for the world to see. It was well-received, although not particularly popular by fandom standards. And that was the end. I had gotten out my pandemic crazies, the semester was over and now I could move on. I had made my peace with the source material, plumbing all of the little details that I wanted to examine and creating a narrative that I found satisfying.

It was over.

Part 2: Summer Lovin?

Except that it wasn’t.

Confession: as I had been posting my giant fanfiction, I had also begun to explore the fan community itself, mostly curious to see some nice art and gather a bit of demographic info about what was popular within the community. As a result, I found a fanfic recommendations page. Among the recommendations was one author who kept popping up and i finally decided to give the fic a read.

Woah. It was good. Like, really good. Like, professional quality writing and themes that seemed designed to appeal to me. I devoured everything that the creator had posted in a week and then subscribed to eagerly wait for more.

As June rolled around, I realized that I had a problem on my hands. My great big gen masterpiece was finished, but this author had gotten me hooked on something else, something with a nefarious reputation online: shipping.

The term du jour for this seems to be “brain worms” so let’s just say that reading other fanworks had given me some brain worms. Inspired this time not just by the source material of the game, but now the fan community itself, my mind began to develop another idea.

I wrote the fic, about 11k, in a single afternoon of frantic writing. When I finished it, I knew it was one of my strongest pieces. It had just come together, a combination of all the thought that I’d been brewing up and a stylistic execution that just worked with the story I wanted to tell.

I posted it on a new account. Shipping seemed vaguely shameful to me still and my mom reads the other account.

To my surprise, the fic blew up. It got so much more attention than my long fic ever had. Even more significantly, a fan artist actually drew a gorgeous comic of the pivotal scene, completely out of the blue! I was essentially thunderstruck. Honestly, it was probably the first time in my life that I’d ever received so much positive reinforcement from a piece of writing.

While I’d written short stories for undergrad workshops, they’d never been particularly good and I’d never gotten particularly great feedback on them. I’d applied and been rejected by more MFAs and literary magazines than I could count. I’d pretty much resigned myself to writing for an audience of me and me alone (which I don’t mean to sound tragic about, writing for you is great and fun!)

But receiving so much support and praise and feeling like I’d made other people happy or sad or moved? There’s nothing better.

This makes my decision to write another fic for the ship sound vaguely cynical, the action of a person driven by an addiction to praise. I mean, no lie, aren’t we all a little addicted to approval?

But my next fic was another long one, an 80k passion project modern AU that I dreamed up while spending a slow summer alone with my books and only able to leave the house for long rambling walks in the woods. The premise was essentially about characters attending a five year college reunion, something that I myself had missed due to COVID in May of the same year. The fic quickly became a way for me to process thoughts on a lot of topics in my life ranging from relationships to politics to mental health to classical literature.

This fic was also received with far more attention than I was used to and, as a result, I finally joined the notorious Twitter dot com where I found people talking about my fic unprompted, eager to follow me and like my every random thought.

I can’t say that this process was not without its ups and downs. Fandom has changed, in many ways for the better, since my last engagement with it during the 2013 Supernatural days on Tumblr. While fan friendships are often idealized or demonized, they are pretty much like any other human friendship (okay, maybe a little bit more horny on main). There is potential for amazing connection as well as pettiness. But in a year where many people suddenly had no social spaces that were safe anymore, I’m glad that I found a new line of communication with the world.

So I kept writing fics for the ship, producing a lot of work that I am genuinely proud of and making connections with other people who enjoyed it enough to leave a comment.

To conclude this section, I was in fandom again. While I had not seriously engaged with a fan community since around 2014, I was back with a vengeance. And I had discovered an important truth about what unlocked my ability to write more than I ever had before: community support.

Not simply the kudos and the views. It was the comments. The discourse. The discussion. To add and contribute my thoughts and ideas to a greater network of thoughts and ideas that fed off of one another.

Often I had seen people complain about there not being enough fanworks for particular media or characters. Now I knew the secret. The comments and the community created the works. If I commented on other people’s fics, the more likely they were to write more. I made a resolution I have tried to keep, to comment on any story that I legitimately enjoyed reading, even if I had no particularly intelligent thing to say about it.

Part 3: A Novel Idea

By late October, I had produced a considering oeuvre for my ship of choice and was enjoying slowing my pace as I planned a few future projects.

Remember, though, how I mentioned not having engaged with fandom for the past 5 years? Well, that didn’t mean I hadn’t been writing.

For the past 4 years, I have won NaNoWriMo and completed 4 novels of over 100k each in length. These projects have been massively fun and improved my confidence with executing stories at the scope that I desire.

And so in November 2020, I settled down to write another novel. November is always a sort of terrible time write a novel if you work in academia, but this year, I had more time than usual. I set out to write a comedy fantasy novel, something mostly lighthearted and full of hijinks in order to pretend away some of the quarantine blues (which by this point were well established in my psyche).

This year in particular, I was reminded that writing a novel is… harder than fanfic. That seems like a very obvious point, but I’d written novels before. Suddenly, though, I was realizing how much a novel requires you to set up the world and the characters, while fanfic can be pretty much all payoff all the time.

While the fanfic flowed in wild creative bursts of energy, the novel required diligence of another sort. I wrote 2,000 words every day for two months. It was a grind. Sometimes, it was a slog.

And sometimes it just wasn't good. The thing about writing your own novels is that the first draft is way more likely to be not good. You’re balancing a lot and it’s easy to let a few balls that you have in the air drop for a chapter or two, with no recourse but to go back and edit later.

I finished the novel by writing a final speedrun of 6k on new years eve, ending my 2020 with another project under my belt. No one has read it. Not even I have reread it.

I’m still glad that I wrote it. I’ll write another one next year. No one will read that one either.

Sometimes, we write for ourselves and no external validation is necessary.

Part 4: Where are they now?

January of 2021 is somehow now behind me, which is terrifying. I’m still writing. Mostly fanfic, although occasionally I go doodle around with some original ideas that are more conceptual sketches for the next novel.

As for the fanfic, I think I still have a few more good ideas left in me, but I will probably leave it behind before the year is out. That feels a little bittersweet, a sort of temporary burst of fun and friendship that I wonder if I’ll ever experience again.

Coming to the end of this reflection, I suppose I should make a summative statement about what it all means.

In the end, it might not mean a lot. There are some small takeaways.

It turns out that encouragement makes you write more! Who knew? Also, more free time makes you write more! Wow!!!!

The point that I think this reflection exercise has shown me, the point that I think matters more than any other, is that writing is a way to process my thoughts. Even if it is through the lens of ridiculous video game fanfic or novels about sad wizards, my writing is my way to make sense of my own mind.

And sharing that is special. If you share it with online strangers, with your family on Christmas Eve, with your close friend who has become even closer and dearer to you since she let you read her work, or just with your mom (the one personal legally required to read your damn novel if you want to share it). To share writing is to give someone a little peek at your beliefs about the world.

And right now? When we’re still isolated and bored and scared and in desperate need of distraction? Binge some TV, play Nintendo, read a book. Take in other people’s thoughts.

But put down your own somewhere as well. It’s a conversation.

And for once, it’s a conversation that doesn’t have to take place on fucking Zoom.

#writing #personal rambling #fanfiction

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