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protecticarus · 5 years

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a prompt by @easywayouthuman!

I’m so sorry it took me approximately a century to get to this (I usually pick my prompts from my inbox). I hope it’s any good. I went with the vibe of the song, but it’s not really a song fic, if that makes any sense?

merry christmas you guys! xx

Amanda furrowed her brows and stared at her brother. Her brother, who was basically a Grinch 364 days a year, was currently busy making sure the Christmas tree in his shitty little apartment, along with the other decorations and food, looked perfect. He had gone all out this Christmas. And all for the quirky detective who didn’t seem particularly interested in the tree, or the holiday at hand in general.

Amanda gave one final look at her brother, currently shooing Vogel away from the most delicate decorations and moved to sit next to Dirk on the couch.

“Hey, Dirk.” She greeted.

Dirk’s head snapped up immediately and a smile was plastered on his face. “Hello, ‘Manda!” He chirped.

Amanda handed Dirk a glass of eggnog, which Dirk only looked at with a curious expression.

Amanda laughed and placed the glass in Dirk’s hand. “You looked like you needed something to take the edge off.” She explained.

Dirk sniffed the eggnog. “There’s alcohol in this?” He asked.

Amanda snorted. “Yeah, Dirk, there’s alcohol in it.”

Dirk hummed and looked torn. Then he shrugged and took a sip. His face immediately scrunched up in surprise at the taste. Nevertheless, he took another sip, now a bit more confident.

Amanda laughed lightly. “There you go.”

“Thank you! It’s terrible but it makes me feel warm.” Dirk retorted.

Amanda rolled her eyes affectionetly. “That’s alcohol for you.”

A sudden crash from the other side of the room interrupted their chat. They both turned to watch as Todd screamed at Vogel for breaking a bauble. They both giggled.

“I’ll go save Vogel from Todd. Or Todd from Vogel... Either way, those two need to be away from each other for a while.” Amanda said and patted Dirk on the back before walking over to separate her brother and Vogel.

During the day, Dirk kept watching his friends. Amanda took Vogel away from Todd and the tree and walked him over to the rest of the rowdies on the other side of the apartment. Todd sighed frustrated and cleaned up the shards of bauble on the floor. Dirk smiled, enjoying his time with his friends, but a deep melancholy still lingered at the back of his mind. Upon hearing about Dirk’s lack of experience with Christmas, Todd had taken it upon himself to give him a proper, normal Christmas. But Dirk was distracted. This year had been hard. Hell, his whole life had been hard, but the unexpected return to Blackwing had really taken a toll on Dirk and he felt like the trauma kept creeping up on him in these quiet moments.

Deep in thought, Dirk kept sipping his eggnog and contemplating the year up to that point.

Suddenly Todd appeared in his field of vision and his train of thought was broken.

“Dirk?” Todd said.

“Yes, Todd?” Dirk replied very loudly, taking another sip of his eggnog.

“Didn’t you hear me? I was calling for you.” Todd explained.

“Oh. I must not have. Sorry. What did you say?” Dirk asked.

Todd shrugged. “Eh, it was nothing. Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes, of course! Must have been lost in thought.” Dirk replied nonchalantly.

“Are you having fun?” Todd asked.

“Sure.” Dirk replied, less than convincingly.

“Sure? It’s Christmas! You should be having fun.” Todd said.

“I’m sorry, Todd, I just haven’t exactly celebrated Christmas since I was a boy, I don’t have your affection towards the holiday. And to be totally candid... I’m more looking forward to the new year.” Dirk explained.

Todd sat down next to Dirk. “Yeah? Why?”

Dirk sighed. “I don’t know. I feel... Uneasy. This year has been... Hard, I guess. I just know that next year will be different. I don’t know if that’s good or bad but right now, I just want different. I need different.”

Todd nodded sympathetically. “I know these last few months have been really hard for you.” He said.

Dirk shrugged. “They have been hard on all of us. Wendimoor and all.” Dirk said and sipped his drink again.

“Well, sure, but Blackwing... That’s definitely hardest for you.” Todd pointed out.

Dirk gave a loud laugh. “Oh, yes. That bloody hellhole.” He said.

Todd looked surprised at Dirk’s words accompanied by inappropriate laughter.

Dirk laughed again. “I might be slightly pissed.” He said in between giggles.

Todd looked down at Dirk’s hands holding a now almost empty glass.

“Is that Amanda’s eggnog?” Todd asked.

“Indeedy.” Dirk replied.

Todd sighed. “That thing is more brandy than anything else.”

“That’s one of them harder liquors, eh?” Dirk asked, in an even harder accent than his normal one.

Todd blinked a few times. “Dirk... Have you ever drank alcohol before?” He asked.

Dirk pondered on this for a moment. “I think I sipped some beers whilst at uni. I have never been drunk though.” He explained and then hiccuped.

Todd laughed. “Oh God help me.”

“Can I have some more please?” Dirk asked and offered Todd his glass.

“I think you should take a break. Maybe have some water before you drink any more.” Todd said and took Dirk’s glass from him, placing it on the coffee table.

Dirk sighed. “Fine. But water doesn’t make me feel warm.” He complained.

Todd contemplated whether or not to say what he wanted to say next, but decided to go for it.

“Did you decide to drink now because of all the crap that’s made this year hard for you?” Todd asked.

Dirk groaned. “No. I didn’t even know what drunkedness feels like. Is that a word?” Dirk mumbled.

“Okay. Just asking. And no, it’s not.” Todd replied.

“Amanda said I looked like I needed it.” Dirk added.

Todd sighed. “She might’ve been right. But don’t make a habit of it, okay? Drinking doesn’t erase your problems. You’ll still have to deal with them. And be hungover doing it. Take it from me.” He said.

“Promise.” Dirk said and crossed his heart.

“So, did you like any part of Christmas?” Todd asked.

Dirk gasped. “Oh Todd! I love that you tried to make Christmas for me. I know you did most of this”, Dirk said and gestured around the obnoxiously decorated room, “for my benefit and I appreciate it so much. I’m just tired. I just want to feel normal again.” He said quietly.

Todd patted Dirk on the back. “You will feel normal again, okay? Next year will be different, right? You’ll be fine. And I’ll be here to help.” He assured Dirk.

Dirk just stared at Todd, his eyes shining. He looked emotional. “You will be, won’t you?” He repeated.

“Yeah. Of course. If you couldn’t get rid of me because of all the time traveling and shit, there isn’t much that could rid you of me.” Todd laughed.

Suddenly Dirk launched himself at Todd and wrapped his arms around Todd’s neck. Todd was taken aback but quickly recovered and hugged the detective back.

“Thank you, Todd.” Dirk whispered, his eyes filling with tears.

“No problem.” Todd replied.

“No, really, Thank you.” Dirk pressed.

“Really, you’re welcome.” Todd laughed.

Dirk sighed. “I love you.”

After a moment of silence, it suddenly seemed to dawn on Dirk what he had just said and he quickly untangled himself from Todd and stood up, slightly swaying on his feet.

“Dirk, hey, calm down.” Todd laughed and took Dirk’s hands to pull him back down on the couch.

“Alcohol is the devil.” Dirk mumbled.

Todd laughed again. “I know.”

“I didn’t mean to say that.” Dirk added.

“It’s okay. I know.” Todd replied.

Dirk looked confused. “Know what?”

“I know, Dirk. And it’s okay.” Todd said.

Dirk stared at Todd for several seconds before speaking up again. “It is?”

Todd smiled. “Yeah. Totally. I mean... Me too.” He replied.

Dirk’s eyes widened. “You too?”

Todd nodded. “Yeah.”

Dirk smiled like the sun and his eyes watered.

“Should I fetch you guys some mistletoe?” Amanda called from the kitchen.

“Fuck off.” Todd mumbled and blushed.

“Cheers.” Amanda replied and chugged the rest of her eggnog while the rowdies laughed.

“I’m not an expert on Christmas so correct me if I’m wrong: it’s okay to kiss on Christmas even without mistletoe present?” Dirk asked.

Todd laughed. “Yeah, Dirk, it’s fine.”

Dirk lifted his brows in a question.

“Oh. You want- now?” Todd asked.

“Why not?” Dirk asked.

“Well, you’re drunk off your ass for one.” Todd chuckled.

Dirk moaned. “Accidentally! And I’m fine. Sober me wants to snog you all the time too.”

“All the time, huh?” Todd teased.

“You know what, maybe I should just get some more of this eggnog-“

“Oh come here you.” Todd laughed and pulled Dirk to him and planted a kiss on his lips.

After a moment, they pulled away, both smiling brightly.

“You know... I am enjoying Christmas after all, Todd. And I have a feeling next year will indeed be better than this one.”

if you have any ideas for fics, send me prompts! my inbox is always open! x

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just-here-for-tozier · 6 years

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it's long but worth the read

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency is a story about a normal orphan: Okay so at first this may seem like a bit of a stretch but I stayed up all night last night just thinking about it and holy shit does it make a lot of sense. So let's start with the obvious one: Blackwing represents the orphanage. After his parents die (more on that later) Svlad gets sent off to an orphanage and he hates it there. So do the other kids. He feels like the people that are supposed to be taking care of them don't understand them. They make them do things they don't really want to/can do and punish them when they don't do it. In real life it probably means they send him to bed without dinner or even slap him and this translates to the electrocuting in Blackwing. It's said in the show that it's been fifteen years since Blackwing closed but I think that, in real life, it'd been fifteen years since Svlad entered the orphanage. The Spring family: I think that the Spring family represents his actual family. He, his mom, his dad, and, wait for it, their dog. Svlad's mother got ill/had an accident and was rushed to the hospital where she later died (more on that later) and his father, unable to deal with the loss, killed himself. The family dog, in the show represented by Lydia, was shipped off to some other family while Svlad goes to the orphanage. The soul-swapping thing represents how Svlad's best friend was the family dog, and she seemed almost human to him. The time travel aspect is him finally coming to terms with what happened. It's all a loop. It was always going to end that way and there's nothing he could've done (especially considering that he couldn't have been older than two) Farah and Todd: Farah and Todd represent his new family who, after fifteen years, adopt him. Farah is how a boy that ever really had a mother would see his mom. As a hero. A fighter. The one that gets shit done. Farah/his new mother is the protector. Todd on the other hand is the father. At first he doesn't really get along with Dirk/Svlad but eventually he comes around and learns to love him. Todd/his new father helps him with homework and things like that which is why he is the assistant. The Rowdy 3: The Rowdy 3 represent two things that are an interesting combination that still fits them very well. They represent both Svlad's constant longing for a family that loves him unconditionally (the way the Rowdy 3 love each other) and what he could've been. The Rowdy 3 are also orphanage kids (at least Vogle is, the Rowdy 3 are the only family he's ever had) but they went down the stereotypical path of anarchy and destruction. It's what Svlad could've/can become and it scares him. He constantly feels the pull towards them (represented by the feeding thing) but doesn't want to go with them. Amanda: Amanda is one of the first friends he makes outside of the orphanage. She's nice, a little weird, and seems like a decent kid at first. I think pararibulitis is just a disease and doesn't hold that much power. When he's just met her, she gets along great with her parents (also represented by Farah and Todd) but when the truth comes out that they lied to her, she runs away and goes into a life of crime (once again represented by the Rowdy 3). After that, Svlad doesn't feel the pull as badly anymore. The Men of the Machine: So I said I'd come back on how Svlad's mother died and this is it. She either got in a car crash or became extremely ill and was put on life support. Rainey was the name of the doctor that used to be in charge of what happened to her but when Rainey kept annoying Svlad's father, he requested a new doctor. Enter Gordon Rimmer. A simple doctor who thought he was amazing (aka the whole Lux DuJour thing) who eventually decided that Svlad's mother was beyond saving and a decision had to be made. They ended up turning off her life support (aka the Machine) which finished her. The bald Men of the Machine represent the nurses at the hospital. The Kitten Shark: The orphanage had quite the mouse problem so they got a bunch of cats. Ever since he was little, Svlad has seen these cats ripping mice in half and brutally killing them (like the Kitten does) Blacwing's constant attempts to get the subjects back is the idea that they all carry in them to rebel against their new families and just go back to what they know. And then he does end up going back and season two starts. Personally, I think season two is all a dream or a delusion. Obviously season one was an upscaling of his adventures with his new family. When they can no longer have him (because his new dad/Todd gets extremely sick and they don't have the money to take care of their son and pay the hospital bills) he gets sent back to Blackwing and that's when he cracks. Obviously we start S2 with more Blackwing, once again representing his time there, but then he escapes into a car. And what's so interesting about that is that, for an orphan, cars are absolute freedom. When his new parents picked him up at the start of last season they probably did so in a car. That's when it truly starts. They get found by Hobbs and Tina, two cops that don't seem too strict. I think they are two workers at the orphanage who really don't mind when the kids break a rule or two. Suzy Boreton and the Mage are both workers that are horrible towards the kids. Friedkin is first used to represent the head of the orphanage until a new one takes over, Ken, who's way less chill towards the kids. Priest doesn't actually exist. He is made up by the kids as a code word for what happened to someone. He is death. So instead of saying that their family is dead, they say they were taken by mister Priest. Therefore he is their reason for being stuck in Blackwing. The few Blackwing subject who weren't brought in by Priest have parents who are in prison or abandoned them but aren't dead. Panto and Silas actually represent Svlad's homosexuality which the people that run the orphanage are strongly against (which becomes the feud between the families). And all of this is just his illusions while in the orphanage until he finally fully breaks. And that is when they go to Wendimoor. He created Wendimoor in his head, with all the characters that come with it that I haven't mentioned yet. Beast is a little kid who gets really attached to Svlad, Wygar is a security guard at the orphanage, Wakti is a teacher at the orphanage. Once they're in Wendimoor, every single main character represents him. Amanda is his want for knowledge, which he gets from Wakti. Todd is his need for adventure and closure. And Dirk is how he is in the real world. Secluded. Alone. Down. Okay let's backtrack slightly. The house within the house is what he sees while he's in the orphanage versus what it actually looks like. Since he's trapped in his own head, he sees bright colors but a very sinister threat. But the actual orphanage is run down. Dirty. Very obviously ominous. Amanda and Todd's powers are even more representation of how Svlad handles ill people. Amanda was already ill when he met her, which is why she is the first to learn magic. Todd, however, only became ill later on, which is why he learns it later. Once again the Cardenas family is his own family. The mother who dies in a car. The father who dies because of the mother only this time in a different way. Last time he killed himself because Svlad's mother died. This time, Svlad's brain begins to see it more like it's all his mother's fault. Leading me to think that maybe she was drunk driving and that's why she crashed. Arnold represents a trusted person that gave Svlad away to the orphanage. And Svlad Cjelli himself is the boy. He created Wendimoor. Dirk Gently is The Boy. Project Moloch being in a coma is once again representing how Svlad is to the real world. Distant. The season obviously ends with the boy ruling over Wendimoor again but all our main characters going home. I think it concludes Svlad's struggle to get out of his own head. He successfully escapes but Wendimoor is still there in his head. The Rowdy 3 and Amanda taking in Beastie tells me that the little kid that grew fond of Svlad also went into crime. Amanda, Todd, Mona, and Dirk finally starting up the agency is Svlad entering the real world for the first time as an adult. The agency is the job he got when he was too old for the orphanage. Assistent is the psychologist that helps Svlad escape his own mind. Hence him helping Dirk escape Blackwing. Panto and Silas finally being together is his acceptance of his homosexuality Tina and Hobbs are two kind workers (like I said) and they stopped the Mage/wildly less kind worker by starting a law suit against him. It cost them a lot of money and time (the injuries and hospital) but eventually they did it. All of the projects that we know of represent a part of Svlad: Dirk Gently represents him for the most part. His wanting to learn, his homosexuality, him as a person and his place in the world. Bart is how he wants to just let go and follow life where it takes him. Do what feels right. But deep down he knows that could lead to a lot of destruction. The Rowdy 3 are his call to crime and need for a family Mona is his adaptability and how he wants to fit it and will change himself to do so Moloch is how he is in real life during S2 All the projects apart from Bart being free at the end of S2 represents how he finally put away his destructive behavior to live a normal life as an adult in the real world. With the people he loves (friends he made on the job, represented by Todd and Farah) by his side. So Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency is the entire history of a young orphan boy who, in the end, gets his happy ending.

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ellestra · 6 years

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Leaf on the stream of creation

We start we Suzie’s version of the story in which she is the hero and everyone else is trying to destroy her happiness. They need to stop. Or else. Not sorry you lost. She defeated Rowdy 3 but they managed to crack the crystal in her wand. This made it malfunction so Todd could buy time venting at her (I loved Todd protecting Amanda). And then shooting her with the air gun. And then The Beast and Todd took the wand from her for long enough for Amanda to open the portal again and for Dirk and Mona (and even Friedkin) to bring project Moloch to Wendimoor. This was a team work. She lost because of all the people who worked together to save the world from her. The family they built for themselves could stand up to Suzie’s selfish lust for power and control.

Yes, Moloch is a boy again now that he’s back in Wendimoor and his name is Francis (Pollock, male, no longer infant). Just like I hoped he did bring everyone back and it's perfect. Silas and Panto are back together. Their families are now welcoming each other and everyone is happy. Even Farson who is back with the Wood folk and The Boy is there with Wakti just like she prophetised.

The take over was long in the making but in the end, poor, stupid Hugo Friedkin understood what Ken with all his reading couldn’t. He learnt the lesson Riggins has been trying to teach him all last season - the Projects should not be contained. They need to do what they need to do. And thus Friedkin and Ken basically switched places on the good and evil scale. And only Mr. Priest seems happy with this ending.

Now supervisor Adams is the evil one leading Blackwing and trying to collect the subjects. He’s taking control of things. Bringing order to the Universe. We started the season feeling bad for Ken and now he's someone the Bart feels the need to kill while Friedkin made heroic sacrifice to save Dirk, Francis and Wendimoor and now he's at the backstage of reality. And he finally gets it. How things change.

I liked that Friedkin gets a redemption of a kind. This is a show in which the Universe rewards people for realising who they are and the role they need to play. He understands he’s was the bad guy, the villain in this story. He realises he was stupid and easily manipulated. And then when presented with a choice he makes the right one. Good for you, Hugo Friedkin, but I still haven’t forgotten about Estevez.

But I don’t want to believe this is the end for Ken. He has never been perfect - he used to work for bad people if they paid right before Bart. And then he was abducted by a crazy killer and his life became chaos and death. He barely survived and then spent months trapped in a cab with just dog as company and occasional visit from men in hazmat suits torturing him with electric shocks. His need to take control of his life and the crazy around him is understandable. Dirk and Bart have wished the same. So hopefully he will see the error of his ways. Or he’ll become another Suzie.

Bart has killed again but the most heartbreaking is that she lost her friends. She started looking for her friend Ken but now that she has found him he is no longer her friend. Panto might be back but she can’t stay. And Ken has become someone she can no longer trust. She wanted to stop killing but she ended up slaughtering armies anyway. And now she’s hiding in Blackwing more alone than ever. But even thought Bart just learnt that not killing when Universe asks can lead to even bigger body count she still let Ken live. Let’s hope this means redemption for him. On the other hand - you can't lock Bart in. Locks don’t work on her. Not even in Blackwing.

The things that came to real world from Wendimor: all the Kellum Knights weapons and armour (unknown metal), their bodies, Mage's body, Air Gun, The Beast and 2 wands (Amanda has Suzies but Mage's is still out there). I wonder which of those will lead to horrible and unpredictable consequences.

Now Amanda has come to her powers. She can open portals and go to the backstage of reality. She believes in herself (Todd on the other hand is back on anti-pararibulitis meds). The leader of Rowdy 3 is planning on using her visions to track all of the chosen by the Universe and helping to save it from falling apart. The Universe is frying at the seems and just single people working apart are not enough. It might have something to do with Blackwing keeping them locked up for too long.

The other evil Mage is dead. But the only person who could stop super powerful, dark wizard by herself is severely wounded and so is Tina and Hobbs. Good thing that Moloch not only sends Todd to help them but also makes him and AmbooLents. And for now Blackwing has decided to let them go so Farah is no longer wanted and Tina and Hobbs just had to sign NDAs. They can all recuperate and play cards in peace. And she gets to keep her badge. And she and Todd and Dirk can have their Holistic Detective Agency (Cases Solved With Arguable Efficiency). With Mona hiding in their stuff (she really like being that stress toy).

Everyone gets happy ending - except for Suzie (she did that to herself) and Bart (who seems to have lost hope) - but it’s not really the ending, isn’t it? The Universe is coming apart at the seems and the debug functions of reality are more needed then ever. Ken may think he can control it all and bring order to the Universe but he’s not going to make anything better (see were craving control has taken Suzie). He’s just going to make Amanda’s job more complicated. Still it’s probably significant that both of them chose grey as their colour.

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maddestprincessinabox · 6 years

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All I want for Christmas is Dirk Gently Season 3

Sometimes little things, little decisions that you take can change your life forever. For me, that was pressing play on this show that Netflix kept suggesting me: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. I like detectives so I just played it, with no expectations at all, and it ended up becoming my favorite show at the same time that it saved my life.

2016 was the worst year of my life, so far, I had lost any will of living, been having dark thoughts, had no idea what to do with my life, I was scared of my exam degree, I felt like a disappointment to my family, I felt that no one understood the situation I was going through and, finally, nothing made me happy anymore.

Until this. I was hooked up with the story immediately: what the hell could a dog, a shark, and a hotel guy have in common? Dirk. I love who dun it books, and movies therefore but this was the complete opposite, instead of making things clearer it made them even more weird! A girl who kills but can't get killed? How does that even fit the story? And 4 guys in a van called the Rowdy 3, that didn't make any sense.

But the thing was that as weird as the story and the characters were, you could totally identify with them. First, I felt like I was like Todd, he had lost the hope of a better life, he didn't have friends, he owed people money, and yes, Brotzman is possibly the coolest name ever. Then there was Amanda, a girl who didn't leave home because of her disease, aka me. I even felt identified with Bart, not because I kill people, but because of how socially awkward I am. Without mentioning Farah's OCD. In season two I even felt identified with Suzie Boreton, a woman who wasn't happy with her life and tried to changed that but it didn't work.

I think this was the first show I finished watching one night and binge watched it again the next day just because of how amazing it was and how much I had loved it. Between the first and second season I had my professional practice and it was literally hell, but all that kept me going was to watch the new season of my favorite show. Finally, I DID IT! I also started going to therapy then and it was a good choice. I finally passed my exam and celebrated my freedom watching the first season for fourth time.

You can't imagine how happy I was when it came back, a new case, new characters, new clues, a whole new world. I was literally watching it with a huge smile on my face.

Just when I thought I couldn't love it more, I did. This season brought more to the table. More fearless and powerful women to my screen, which is something that as a feminist and a girl am incredibly grateful for. Not the typical women characters you'd expect, but women with issues but who tried their best to save the freaking world (and also Wendimoor). Girls who don't need men to save them, but instead they're the ones to save them. Honestly, one of my favorite scenes was the short one where Farah asked Hobbs about his pens. That’s because I have my pens specially organized and my sisters always borrows them and disorganize them and she doesn't get why I get mad. And the truth is that no one in my house gets why. For them I am weird. And I probably am, and I'm not afraid or embarrased to say it. This show has thought me that these kind of things which society calls weird or special is what makes us who we are.

My point is this show makes us, the outsiders feel identified and it makes us embrace our own weirdness and get together to beat the evil in this world. A show who has the power to do that shouldn't be cancelled. It should have even more than 5 seasons! Where it can keep teaching us and showing us through such amazing stories and worlds how important we are and why we shouldn't let society rules let us define us. We are leaves in the stream of creation.

I also wanted to mention that I'm thankful to everyone who made this show possible, even if this is the end, I wanna thank you for making me and all your fans smile while watching this beauty you created and for being so nice to us even if we are just strangers to you. From the deepest of my heart, THANK YOU. Thank you for saving my life.

Please, concede this fan's wish. It's all I ask for.

#Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency #Season 3 #Christmas Wish #Please

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victorluvsalice · 7 years

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AU Thursday: Holistic Coffee Shop Returns With A Vengeance

Mostly because guess who has FINALLY watched the first season of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency! (Well, mostly -- as of this writing I'm one episode away from finishing it, but as I know more or less what happens thanks to YouTube clips. . .) So yeah, mind's like all full of this “supposedly a happier universe but we’ll see when we’re done with it” AU, so let's have some new, updated ideas for it:

-->I feel like, since my brain is already all gung-ho for involving the Bergsberg/Wendimoor stuff in a potential second installment (thank you Season 2 sneak peeks), the first installment should feature the Spring case from the first season. I believe @dont-offend-the-bees already suggested this younger version of Todd is working multiple jobs to help his sister -- he could be juggling part-time positions at the hotel AND the coffee shop before shit goes down. (Alice probably gives him joking shit whenever he comes in still wearing the bellboy outfit.)

I even already have an idea of how to involve Victor, at least, in the shenanigans: HE finds Lydia-in-Rapunzel instead of Todd, and is the one to see Lydia acting strange in Rimmer's house. Maybe Rimmer also comes into the coffee shop every so often and Alice thinks he’s a creepy weirdo and thus is only too happy to help investigate his ass? (Dirk is basically going to have all the assifriends this time :p)

-->Had a thought about the Rowdies coming in to trash the coffee shop (perhaps instead of going after Todd's apartment?) -- but before they can do too much damage, Alice vaults over the counter and PUNCHES MARTIN IN THE FACE, screaming for them to get the hell out of her shop. They're sufficiently startled to actually flee (later coming back because holy cow they’re impressed and also want some coffee). Unfortunately, this takes a sad turn when Dirk tries to hug her in gratitude ("You are my new favorite person!") and she nearly attacks him too -- turns out she's having one of her episodes and saw him as an enemy. Victor manages to talk her down enough so she can take her meds and hide out in the bathroom until she's okay again.

-->I'm also thinking maybe Victor's present during Amanda's ill-fated shopping trip -- he happens to be picking up groceries at the same time, bumps into her, they chat for a bit, and he accompanies her to the check-out. He attempts to help when she has her attack (calling 911 and trying to stop the assholes filming it), and even tries to stop the Rowdies when they show up, frightened they're going to hurt her -- Martin holds him back with his baseball bat (not threatening, just using it as a barrier). And then he gets examined pretty minutely by the Rowdies, who can tell there's something special about him, though they're not sure what. (”Like us?” “Kissin’ cousin, I’d say.”) He grabs her groceries, and they let him ride with them to take her home (Victor contacting a panicking Todd so he can meet them at the house). He picks up the nickname “Live Wire” in the process, because of his anxious energy. (Alice needs a nickname too, though I haven’t decided what it is yet.)

-->I’ve decided that Victor’s anomaly-power should be like the Dirk Gently version of the Rowdy 3′s -- he can transfer energy from place to place, but he can’t really use it to help himself. Technically he can store the energy within himself, but he feels overloaded and jittery whenever he does, like he’s had a large mug of coffee with a shot of energy drink. His purpose is to be a connection, after all.

-->Related -- Blackwing and Victor figure this out after they starve him for three days and then shove someone in there for him to “feed” on. Victor is Not Happy.

-->On the plus side, Victor can do something about pararibulitis attacks -- he’s not as effective as the Rowdy 3, and he tends to get an echo of whatever it is the victim’s feeling at the time, but he can at least calm the overdose of sensation by sending it somewhere else.

-->ESTEVEZ AND WEEDLE ARE SURVIVING THIS AU. ZIMMERFIELD TOO HOPEFULLY.

YES, WEEDLE THE FBI GUY HIS DEATH WAS HORRIFIC

I mean, most of the deaths in Season 1 were horrific, good God, but I feel like Weedle got one of the particularly bad ones. Estevez’s might have been the most unnecessarily cruel (he was SO CLOSE to surviving the season), but MAN. (I want an AU where Fred-in-Weedle’s-body is just knocked out rather than killed, and Estevez finds the mouse they stuck Weedle in -- injured, but somehow clinging to life -- figures out it’s him, and uses them as a test before they try the soul swap on Lydia, getting Weedle back into his own skin; Weedle repays the favor by visiting the station during the CIA raid, managing to sneak around Friedman’s guys, and getting Estevez out of there and to a hospital before he succumbs to his wounds. Then the two of them go on the run as pissed-off-ex-cop/FBI buddies determined to avenge their partners and help take down Blackwing.)

Er, anyway, yeah, this is STILL supposed to be a lighter AU, so let’s keep the law enforcement deaths to a minimum this time around. (Maybe we can even save Nathan -- I admit, I care slightly less about him thanks to him being a more active jerk, but still. Dude didn’t really deserve to die.)

-->Would like Victor and Alice somehow involved in the time loop shenanigans but not sure how they could be. I just like the idea of them showing up on the security footage in the Perriman Grand, to the absolute bafflement of their past selves -- and then time travel happens and they’re running around the hotel and Victor spots a security camera filming them and says a bad word. XD (Much to Alice’s absolute shock, at least until he points out the camera.)

#coffee shop au #Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency #how did this go from a cute three-sentence coffee shop Valice AU to THIS?#everything really is connected #of course Victor is going to go after a lost dog #he probably tells Rapunzel she's a pretty puppy and gets her water from the coffee shop #later he is very embarrassed when he realizes he was basically baby-talking Lydia #I just have a lot of feelings about Weedle #I mean after watching the episodes I see the FBI guys were kind of jerks but #damn it you guys saw what happened to him #justice for weedle zimmerfield and estevez #and nathan though he's still a jerk #but then most are the main characters are kind of too so #finishing it off tonight!#queued

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princessparadoxical · 6 years

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The livestream kept cutting out due to shoddy Australian internet (curse you, Malcolm Turnbull) but I honestly lost track of the number of times Dirk was tempting fate? Saying the universe doesn’t work a certain way only for the universe to actually come through when he least expected or wanted it?

I never thought one of my fondest wishes would be for Dirk to be able to finish a diner meal without something needlessly dramatic happening, and yet. Please. Let him drink a milkshake or eat some pancakes without getting metaphorically twatted in the face by the cosmos. He’s useless as a detective if he’s malnourished and sleep-deprived, lordy may.

“I stopped existing a while ago” is morbidly funny, but even then I just wanted to cry. Psychic vampire banter at its best and most heartbreaking. But at least there’s light down there, because I’d been having nightmare visions of them all spending two months in complete darkness and silence and it was doing a number on my personal sanity.

I know that we’d already established Susie’s villain status but christ, selling out her own son to the police and then trying to use him as an excuse to not kill someone is some pretty brutal whiplash. “But what if someone gets hurt” isn’t going to fool anyone, Susie. You’re attractive but also you killed a dog and also some people so eh, please leave town now.

Dirk trading away police evidence for the #aesthetic is the most hilarious thing ever, but also can we please have a minute silence for the loss of the collarbone shirt. Samuel Barnett looked fine as hell in it. I’m going to miss it deeply. The end of an era. Let the mourning begin. Get the twitter trend happening.

Collarbones.

I didn’t like Todd agreeing with Dirk when he called his powers “stupid flighty bullshit” but I’m willing to cut them both a bit of slack, it’s been a long and stressful week, there are dead bodies everywhere. But this is a version of Dirk Gently that I can imagine standing on the roof screaming “you utter bastard” while shaking his fist at the night sky (like in the novels). It’s a tragic development.

Why am I so charmed by Panto calling her “Bartine” though?

Farah’s phone has to be bugged. It’s the only thing that makes sense with this particular storyline.

I’m assuming that the water cleaned Amanda’s face because she’s suddenly 35% less eyeliner and it’s taking a while for me to come to terms with being able to see her face again. Her “I am the consciousness?” conversation sounded like it should’ve been taking place when they were both getting stoned after a first-year college philosophy class. She’s trying to roll with the punches but they just won’t fucking stop coming.

... but also the Moloch symbol was clearly visible and I’m now a deeply concerned bean. Does this mean that Bergsberg is in danger? Wendimoor? Blackwing? What has been woken?

... but also I’m here for Amanda being the new Forest Witch.

I fully understand why Panto is beginning to crack, even if I’m worried about what it means for the holistic detective squad. He’s in a world he doesn’t understand, with people who have locked him up, trying his best to save his world even when it’s full of people who want him dead. His only friend is a piranha in the stream of creation. This has been a rough week for him, all things considered. He and Bart need a million more doughnuts and another dance party.

Dirk’s impression of himself was simultaneously the best and the worst thing ever, and we already know that his current accent isn’t the one he was born with so I’m assuming that it took a long time to develop from 1940s Gay British Pantomime to what he has now. But oh hello cracks, you keep getting bigger and bigger and I keep getting more and more worried. Is he sleeping yet? Eating properly?

The boy confirming that “at first the dreams were a gift” makes me so much more suspicious of Mona. I still adore her but the actress confirmed that the character is easily manipulated and I’m wondering whether she’s acting of her own accord or if she’s serving a higher purpose.

Hobbs’ concerned face when they were loading the boy into the ambulance was pure enough to cure cancer and also world hunger. Why can’t I just like assholes? Why do I always fall for the nice ones?

Someone needs to do a video edit of the Rowdy 3 coming through the portal set to The Boys Are Back In Town.

The fact that the Mage was so out of his depth in the scene with the wall mural throws out a lot of my previous theories? He looked threatened and actually scared and I’m not sympathetic in the slightest because he’s the major villain of the season. But I hate it when villains are unsettled because it always makes them 100% less predictable and more dangerous. That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted.

“I wanna fuck everybody here” oh man, I have never related so much to a single line in my entire life, how are they all so dang attractive?

And that’s why it was important that Hobbs deputized Farah, because he’s going to be out of commission for a few episodes (living in denial is a blast and a half, I can highly recommend it) and Farah’s finally going to show the world what she’s made of. Which is sugar and spice and fucking guns.

Rule one of questing, you guys: DON’T SPLIT THE FUCKING PARTY. Have none of you played Dungeons & Dragons?

I adored the Todd/Farah interactions and I’ll fight anyone to defend them.

Dirk on the dance floor looked like a cat having static balloons rubbed all over it, he was that uncomfortable. But also that conversation on the dancefloor was like someone went onto AO3 and pulled out everything we ever wanted, it was so nice to see them all having a nice time even if it took actual fucking sorcery to get them there. Max confirmed that it was indeed a love spell and oh, you beautiful tropical fish, it’s almost enough to make up for that final scene.

You could tattoo “it’s a lot of moving pieces and I’m getting overwhelmed” to my face and I’d thank you at this stage. But I’m fully here for Farah trying to explain away the boy’s violence with “he’s had a traumatic time” and Dirk rolling his eyes so hard they could be seen from space. Dirk’s had a lifetime of experimentation and trauma and christ, his coping mechanisms aren’t the best but you don’t see him trying to strangle anyone. Give the sunshine bean some more credit, guys.

The only thing giving me comfort right now is the thought of Friedkin’s face when he discovers that yet more subjects have disappeared into thin air.

Get wrecked, Friedkin. You weren’t even in that episode and I’m pissed at you.

#dirk gently #dghda #my contributions #I'll have more thoughts later but holy shit

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princessparadoxical · 7 years

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The livestream kept dropping out and now I know what a pararibulitis attack feels like because my heart stopped several times (though sincere gratitude to sharkcats for literally saving my life on this front). But here are some things I’m thinking about this episode, sweet jesus dicks in my mouth, what a wild fucking ride and a half that was.

I screeched at the screen when Silas was trying to lie to his mother. Even with the very existence of Wendimoor at stake, he couldn’t bring himself to say that he’d killed his beloved. He said that Pantos tripped on a rock and his head exploded which wow, there’s being a bad liar and there’s being Silas. And “there’s no such thing as Dirk Gently” is excellent because it suggests that the prophecy knows who Dirk truly is. It didn’t tell them to find Svlad Cjelli. It didn’t tell them to find Project Icarus. It told them to find Dirk. But I love Silas and would happily fight someone to protect him.

Within ten seconds Dirk and Todd are fighting over Mona, and within ten minutes Todd’s being demoted over Mona. It’s hilarious, but also super-ominous. I don’t think Max is going to go for the whole love triangle cliche but still, why wouldn’t Todd be stressed and intimidated by the sudden introduction of a childhood friend who has the same experiences as Dirk? Who maybe understands Dirk in a way that Todd never could?

Why was Todd asking for a phone call at the police station? Who the fuck was he going to call?

... what if he was going to panic and call Estevez though.

“This is easily the best interaction with a police officer I’ve ever had” yes Dirk, because the other two died.

Dirk in handcuffs after being free for a fraction of a second. Presented without comment.

Dirk saying “I love you” for the first time on screen. Also presented without comment.

It’s highly likely that Todd’s “I need you to help me find Amanda” and “we’re all being punished” is going to be the start of Dirk’s existential hellspiral into holistic anxiety and depression and rewatching this episode in a few weeks time is going to be very painful.

I appreciate how relatable Susie was for the majority of the episode because it really hammers home how utterly human she is, and I feel like that’s going to be one of the most tragic parts of her character. She does some housework, fixes her hair and produces a metric fucktonne of money and literally all of us would do the same. It’s a fundamentally comprehensible thing that she does. She finally responds to her son in the way we all wanted her to respond. She’s one of us until the precise moment when she’s not.

I did not at all enjoy seeing Amanda covered in blood. I did enjoy seeing her and Vogel continue their road trip. And Vogel baby, I know you’re missing your older brothers but you’re plenty scary enough by yourself if you need to be. Please never change.

Dirk has a colourful jacket again and it’s not what he would’ve chosen for himself, sure. But he’s wearing a mutant hybrid of his Blackwing uniform and a gift given to him out of the kindness of Hobbs’ heart and that’s probably a very good representation of where he’s currently sitting emotionally. He’s just gained two new friends on top of getting two old ones back and therefore he doesn’t care as much that he’s still marked on his jumpsuit as government property.

“A government prison for psychics” is Blackwing in a nutshell though, I don’t give a single solitary shit how good Riggins thought it would be.

Ken had one scene and literally stole the entire episode. Much in the same way that he hopefully steals Blackwing. But I’m hoping that in the same way Amanda can virtually throw Vogel at people who piss her off, it’ll turn out that Ken can throw the rest of the Rowdies in the direction of the CIA and watch as they wreak havoc.

So I’m assuming that if Priest hadn’t turned up, Martin could’ve just... killed Friedkin? Flat-out murdered him? Is this a thing that was going to happen on-screen?

The entire fucking scene with Friedkin and Priest. I just. I don’t have words to describe how much I adored their dynamic in a hideously villainous, entirely magnetic kind of way. Friedkin was so shaken up after Martin fed on him, much in the same way that he was shaken up after being attacked by the Rowdy 3 in Very Erectus, and he instigated the conflict both times and fully deserves all of the trouble he’s in but it explains so damn much about why he’s doing what he’s doing.

Priest was responsible for bringing in thirty of the original forty-two subjects and I’m willing to bet cold hard dirty cash that he captured Martin, Gripps and Cross (and can you imagine how traumatizing it would’ve been if he captured a much younger Vogel too). He knew how to deal with Martin. He’s so confident in his ability to inflict violence that he can say to Friedkin “ethics is not a priority” and “I’m no good” because he knows damn well that Friedkin’s shaken up enough that he’s susceptible to someone more forceful (and I’m down for a power struggle between Priest and Ken over ultimately control of Blackwing).

It’s unlikely as all hell but christ, what if Priest was the one to collect Dirk during Blackwing Mark I? How terrifying would that be for a small child? Where is this angst fest?

Boy oh boy, “I’m just a gun, Friedkin... I don’t do anything unless you pull the trigger” is a hilarious counterpoint to “don’t take the shot” because Friedkin saw his shot to be in charge... took the shot... and now he’s so far out of his depth that it’s not even funny. I don’t know what the moral of the story is here beyond “some shots just shouldn’t be taken”.

The Lux Dujour poster on the wall like surprise bitch, bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

And I’m officially calling it now; Susie used to be a first-class grade-A bitch before the accident. Her now-deceased manager said that the accident was the best thing that happened to her and I know he was an asshole, but that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t be right about this. Her son said that he’s not scared of her any more. Her new behaviour is different enough that her husband is commenting on it with “none of it is going to fix what happened... you can’t change who you really are”. I’m thinking that if the accident wasn’t her fault, it was at least some sort of cosmic retribution. And I don’t know how i feel about the whole disability-as-karma trope but I’m also willing to give Max the benefit of the doubt and see where they’re going with it.

But speaking of Susie curing her limp. It was utterly heartwarming to see her on the trampoline and it begs the question; could she theoretically cure Todd and Amanda’s pararibulitis? Or could she make it worse? Because lordy may, that could be a clusterfuck and a half if she turns out to be the Bellatrix to the Mage’s Voldemort.

That ending rivals the ending of Watkin where Gordon Rimmer beats Sammy’s head in with the guitar. This is a villain coming into their own. This is our introduction to someone with depth and complexity beyond what we’ve been shown so far and it’s chilling because they were so close to being sympathetic in so many ways. “The silence is nice” is going to haunt me for the next week at least, holy shit. The final scene was a literal “kick the dog” moment. Max, no. Max, why.

And I’m going to spend the next week paranoid that the Mage is lurking behind me because of terrifying holistic reasons.

#dirk gently #dghda #my contributions #this... got away from me a bit... as usual #over 1000 words but eh it's like 2pm here I'm fine #everything is fine

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ellestra · 6 years

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State of affairs

This flashback took us to what Dirk already figured out. The day Arnold sold his brother to the men in black and project Moloch created Wendimoor because he wished so hard to to be somewhere safe far away from here. And this is after he made the perfect breakfast to apologise. Also we still don’t have a name for project Moloch. I wonder if it’s Francis Pollock.

Friedkin has really lost it. His subjects keep disappearing and now the person responsible has changed shape and can be anything. But the answer was always the gun. It was obvious the moment it was laying there so conveniently. Mona can, literally become anything. Still, Mona just wants to help people so we all should ask ourselves how stressed Hugo is that she spent all this time as his stress doll. (I haven’t forgiven Friedkin for detective Estevez but I do pity him - he is way over his head and he has just been usurped.)

Ken is so much better at handling the projects. He can find ways to talk to them which is something Friedkin usually fails at. Mostly because Freidkin just doesn’t understand, gets frustrated and then violent. However this trait has just became useful as everybody is going to Blackwing. He might not be the brightest person around but shooting has never been his problem. So don’t just stand there Hugo.

Ken’s takeover is basically complete. He’s so much better at this than Friedkin - he even figured out project Moloch and why Wendimoor connection to this world has become closer. He is running the whole thing and he even took Friedkin’s chair. And when Hugo finally realised that Ken has taken over it was too late - he already gave Ken all the power. And people who work at Blackwing prefer the new boss too.

Priest is at high alert and in urgent need of his friend Ken’s expertise. Bart is coming and he’s the one who survived being alone with project Marzanna. Priest knows Bart well. He knows how she works. He knows she can’t be stopped and guns would just worked against them. He has Ken as bait instead. They can’t shoot because Bart is there and she would just destroy them in retaliation so they have to let them pass. If Bart wants to go nothing can stop her and Priest knows better than to try.

He could fight Panto but Panto is under Bart’s protection and attacking him would cause retaliation so Priest lets him go even after he gets cut. He might be good enough to take out Farah who took out Panto but even Priest cant fight Bart. But he knows he and he wants to save himself and his people. Kellum Knights don’t know Bart and her protection doesn’t extend to people around her. They do die when bullets start flying. This is why she has left Ken behind. And now all that is left is making sure bad people die. This is what she does. She is the ultimate weapon.

BTW Marzanna is Polish folklore and actual pronunciation is more like Ma-ZHAN-na as ‘rz’ is like ‘j’ in French and both ‘n’s need to be said separately). She is an ancient goddess associated with winter’s death and rebirth and dreams. In Slavic rites the death of the Goddess Marzanna at the end winter, becomes the rebirth of Spring. It’s still a custom to make Marzanna doll (from straw or paper) and throw it burning into a river on the first day of spring - it’s called drowning of Marzanna.

The Mage didn’t kill Farah. Nor Tina. Not even Hobbs. He was planning to but first he bobbed him into mindless helper. And left Farah and Tina to be his entertainment. Little torture for fun. Fortunately for everyone Farah was not loosing for a second time in one year. No matter how many time they got shot. That was incredibly badass but then Farah is the only person who has managed to harm universe’s assassin. She is epitome of badass. Let’s hope someone will find them all an ambulance.

And finally we see Todd getting on the Wendimoor makes pararibulitis superpower train. Amanda has learnt from Wakti and now she can teach her brother how to use his pararibulitis to make his pain real. To materialise his pain and control it. And he is way behind her in everything but that connection they share means he can help her with the portal too. They are stronger together and they can help each other if they work together. He has finally become the brother she can count on supporting her when and how she needs him to.

But hurry up guys - Kellum knights are already there trying to kill project Moloch. He is now the only hope. All the peoples of Wendimoor have been killed and Suzie’s takeover of the Valley of Ingelnook is complete. Wakti is dead and so is Silas and Panto and their whole families. The only ones standing between Todd and Amanda and Suzie are Rowdy 3 and the Beast. And hope that Dirk can bring the boy and fix everything. It’s all or nothing now.

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