#like in a I Understand what you wanted to convey here but that didnt really happen
Note
your shading is AMAZING specially when its conveying organic forms..... do you have any tips for people who dont know wrf going on (with shading)
ok so HI. hi. my old tutorial pisses me off so i will make a new one
i made a guy whose sole purpose is to be shaded so dont worry he likes it. and his name. his name will be mr. Boob. mr boob does not have to be blue
theres probably way better explanations of how to do it but unfortunately trying to "emulate" shading does ask you to somewhat understand ur character in a 3d way. like what would the 2d shape be if you "sliced" it? mr boob is made of so many circles. his tail also does a kind of weird perspective foreshortening thing because its pointing at you. is this being conveyed
you obviuously dont have to draw a horrendous grid on your characters skin to do this . BUT it helps you put down (or at least envision) the lines of the form shading :
dont worry about cast shadows or the shading color because this is FORM SHADOW time only. think about what surfaces of the character are obviously facing away from the light source and put down the "separation line" of the shading based on that. thr most important thing is that youre trying to separate light from dark
im going to pick the first one for cast shadows bc it will be the most obvious to me
ok so. his ears and snout are blocking other surfaces of his body from the light, which means a shadow is cast!!!! bam. i saw someone describe cast shadows as what the light's pov "can't see." his entire body is putting down a cast shadow on the ground too
im impatient so i blended the form shadows now. its usually the easiest to just NOT blend cast shadows as a way of conveying that they are still cast shadows. but you can still blend them if you want to show "distance" between the obstruction and the surface its blocking. but its just a way of saying form and cast shadows should not be treated the same even if their softness coincides
im going to lump reflection and ambient light together because theyre like. similar. reflections dont just happen in mirrors
since the sky is blue, making the ambient lighting, i tinged mr. boobs existing shadow to be a bit blue. (*this is kind of important because it can help you decide a shading color, which should USUALLY be based on the environment) (unless your character is just in the transparent void then it doesnt matter)
since the ground is pink, i made pink light bounce off of him. pointed and labelled. i dont rlly know how to go more in depth than that
contact shadows are literally shadows formed from direct-touching contact. very little light can reach in there, even from how reflections disperse, which means youre free to use the darkest color available (black). in this case mr. boob is making contact with the floor. because he is sitting on the floor.
i touched him up a bit and wow!!!!!!!!!! look at mr. boob!!! he is so beautifully sculpted.
and one more thing
thats right. i made mr boob PINK. hes fucking ruined now. just kidding i would never say that to him
what im trying to convey here (its the easiest with really light colors) is a transitional color. this can also show subsurface scattering depending on how you use it which is fun to look at. the mistake i made on my last tutorial was "Just pick a warm saturated color!" which is really wrong in examples like Blue mr boob. because it would be weird to use a warm color to transition from blue to blue.
if you have a character that isn't bright enough then obviously the shadows wont be as visible. its BEST to bring more attention to highlights and reflections to reveal the form a bit. they play the biggest role with darker colors
thats all i can think of. fun things to look up:
structuralization + contour lines + foreshortening etc. 3d lingo
form shadows
cast shadows
ambient light
contact shadows
subsurface scattering
im also just speaking out of my ass otherwise. i didnt look up any of these terms until the end now im inferring and hoping i got them right
and remember every time you shade mr boob will be rooting for you
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Decennial
(2,396 words)
Evan and Gregory, now age twenty-two, celebrate the tenth anniversary of their meeting in the comfort of their shared apartment.
Its already the afternoon when Evan meets Gregory at the couch in their shared apartment, smartphone in hand. Gregory glances up from whatever he was watching on TV, quickly grabbing the remote to pause the channel.
He doesn't even have a chance to greet him before he notices Evan's face. Worry quickly creases his brows, and he moves to get off of the couch. "Evan? Hey, what's wron--"
Evan tries to convey that everything's fine with no words. Because it's true. He just can't muster any up right now. When Gregory seems to understand enough, that's when Evan thrusts his phone into Gregory's line of sight.
Gregory shifts on the couch, taking the phone and studying the screen to no avail. Hes pulled up the calendar on his phone, the date reading March 4th, 2045. Gregorys brows furrow, then, "Uh. I dont understand."
Evan would have rolled his eyes if he weren't so emotional right now. He scoffs, tapping the screen and mumbling "The date. Look at the date."
It only takes another moment for Gregory to understand. Evan can almost see the gears turning in his friends head in the moments before he gasps sharply. "Oh!"
Gregory doesn't look away immediately, just taking it in as if it surpises him. "Its ten years since we met today."
Evan nods at that. A small smile stretching on his face when Gregory finally turns to look at him.
But he should know by now -really, it's been ten years after all- that Gregory knows him. Probably better than Evan himself.
"What's with that look?" Gregory questions, seemingly noticing how Evans smile doesnt quite reach his eyes. "You look sad."
Evan shakes his head immediately. "No-- that's not it." He replies, feeling a bit more fit to speak. "Its just..."
"Ten years?" Gregory prompts, and Evan nods. Gregory seems to get it. He sighs a bit, and Evan can tell hes not alone in reminiscing. "Jeez. Thats..."
"...A long time ago." "A big number." They say at the same time.
Evan joins Gregory on the couch, taking his phone back. Ten years. Ten years since he met Gregory. Ten years since Evan had been that little ball of anxiety. Ten years since the best thing that ever happened to him.
Nine years since their first holidays together. Eight years since they started high school. Four since they graduated. Three since they started college.
One year since they got their first apartment together.
Evan chuckles all of the sudden, loud as a jet engine in the seemingly silent room. "Do you remember what we always wanted to do as kids?"
Gregory only has to think for a moment. "You mean what we made a reality?"
"Yeah." Evan replies. "We got that apartment. Not exactly the college dorm we imagined, though."
"Psh. Are you kidding? Our apartment is way better than any dorm we could have gotten." Gregory scoffs. "We would have like. One room to our name, and we would have to share."
Its Evan's turn to scoff, this time. He smiles, the memories coming back easily. "You're acting like we didnt basically share your room when we were thirteen."
"You were always there." Gregory agrees, but Evan knows by now that Gregory doesn't mean it in a bad way. Never. That's one of the things that have changed since they met. Evan doesnt assume the worst first, and ask questions later anymore. "You got that right."
"Thank god we had Vanessa to tell us what to do." Evan says. "We would be lost without her."
Gregory snorts, shuffling on the couch. Evan glances over, and strangely, being here, in this moment, even though its nothing differnet from what he and Gregory do every day, reminds him so much of when he and Gregory would just hang out together on his bed. Drawing, watching videos, talking and laughing... all of it.
"Its a good thing she told us to get an apartment while we still could." Gregory says. "We would have burned down the entire dorm."
Evan giggles at the thought. It wouldn't be the first time he and Gregory would make a mess in the kitchen. He still remembers how scared he was as a fourteen year old, when he had burned some of the food meant for Vanessa's 'Welcome Home' dinner Gregory insisted they make. The Fazbears house had stunk of char and smoke for days afterwards.
He was terrified at the time. If he had ever done anything like that at his old house...
He shakes that thought away. He does that often. Thinking back to his time alone with his father and brother. His biological ones. It's been a challenge, shutting down his brain when it tries to recall the memories.
Its another thing that's changed. As a kid, he knew nothing about helping himself and his anxiety. He didnt want to. He never saw himself as worthy of deserving relief, and it was so subconscious, little Evan never even realized it.
Now, it couldn't be more different. Hes never been healthier.
Who knew all it took was a best friend for life?
He looks over at Gregory. Who's still recounting some of their old childhood memories. Evan doesnt talk to Michael anymore. The damage he caused is too much to ignore. Evan... Evan doesnt want to see him anymore. Despite Michaels wake up call, it had been all too late. The damage had been done.
Michael missed his chance. Evan had decided that a long time ago. Maybe he should have had his change if heart earlier if he didnt want Evan to find the brother he always wanted in someone else.
Because that's what Gregory is. Its nothing new, they were having these revelations when they were only teenagers. Probably even earlier for Evan. But Evan never stops thinking about how much Gregory truly is his family.
That suprise and shock of the kindness hed received from Gregory from little Evan ten years ago is hard to shake when all hed been taught his whole life is how to hate himself. How he deserved to be treated badly, because if he hadn't been the way he was, he could have made himself worthy. A respectable man. Tough. An immovable rock. Real men dont show their emotions, or even experience them. Real men can defend themselves. Real men start to toughen up at the ripe age of twelve.
Evan is twenty two, now. So is Gregory. This life they'd built for themselves, with such a bright future... little Evan never would have even dreamed of. Little Evan had thought there was nothing there for him. Little Evan had thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. That he had been doomed from the start. That his nature nipped his figure at the bud before it could begin.
This life theyve built for themselves. When Evan had ran to the Fazbears as soon as he'd turned eighteen with only a bag of clothes, a binder full of drawings, and yellow bear to his name. When he'd shared the room that felt like his own as well growing up with Gregory. When they'd spent those few months together until getting into the same college and choosing an apartment.
This life theyve built for themselves. That Evan would have only seen as a fantasy when he was eleven.
Theyve changed so much. It always shocks Evan every time he sees an old photo, or really remembers what it had been like pre-Gregory. Evan is growing out his hair, now. Before, all hed ever had was a months overgrown generic slickback. But he gets to choose now. Like how he paints his nails. Gregory has never really cared about his appearance, but he saw a photo of his Dad as a college student and immediately went to go replicate the blue streaks in his hair when it was time for himself to go off to college.
Evan almost laughs sometimes when he thinks about how much Gregory really is just an older version of who he was when he was twelve. He's different, like Evan is, but he's the same as well. A constant.
He knows hes the same, as well. Just with longer hair, bolder clothes, and the power of experimentation. Gregory has never been one to care much about his clothes, but to Evan, its everything. To be able to wear what he always wanted as a kid. To not be confined to whatever annual clothes his Father would buy him from the back to school section. Its freeing.
It's in that moment that he thinks back, really thinks back to his life pre-Gregory, and the contrast of the before and after.
It's all too much, in that moment. The memories and the sentiments and the nostalgia. In true Evan fashion, he cries about it.
Gregory has long since learned how to differentiate Evan's tears between his emotionality and a genuine issue. So when Evan begins wiping silent tears away, he just smiles one of those smiles he does, and pats him on the shoulder, pulling him in for a side hug.
Its digging a hole in Evan's chest, this feeling. It's not bad. But it's not exactly good either. It's some kind of a loss, but a hope as well. Remembering how much he loved back then. As much as he loves right now.
"I--" Evan stutters, sniffling. Gregory hands him one of the many boxes of tissues they always have on hand in their apartment. "It... It feels like we need to celebrate, somehow. I mean... ten years is big."
Evans mind floats to a cake. Or a two person party. Or a collaborated drawing. Evan's mind floats to many things. Many options. Ten years is big, right? Something that big needs a big party. Something big to commemorate it.
But Gregory just hums, and lays eyes on the thick shelf of DVDs they have tucked by the wall right by their TV. "How about a movie night?"
Evan's about to interrupt, say something about the milestone, but Gregory continues. "Do you remember all our favorites as a kid?"
Evan stops himself short, almost scoffing, because of couse he does. How could he not, when he and Gregory had stayed up so many times to watch them together, alongside stifled giggles and ice cream straight out of the carton? "Of course I do."
Gregory gets off the couch, crouching by the bookshelf and picking out a select few movies. Evan catches the titles on the packaging from all the way were hes sitting. Every single one of them is special to him.
Gregory deposits the movies on their coffee table, three DVDs spilling out onto the glass surface. "Then I can't think of a better way to spend the night."
Despite Evan's attempts, he cant either. Despite watching these movies almost regularly with Gregory even now, opening the casing feels different in this moment. It feels special. Evan feels like hes thirteen again.
Before starting their marathon, they make a huge bowl of popcorn, pouring caramel on it just how they liked it as kids. As they continue to now. Evan gets the carton of ice cream out of the fridge, handing Gregory his spoon and taking his own.
All they need is a throw blanket and they're ready. It's the exact setup they've done for years. Starting ten years ago today. This tradition has lasted this long, and it will outlive the milestone.
It feels so familiar, Evan cant stop thinking. His emotions are dialed up to eleven tonight. It only increases when the sky darkens outside their windows. He remembers coming home from school with Gregory and just. Immediately piling onto his bed with snacks and pillows and turning the lights off before they'd dive into another movie. Only going to bed when Freddy forced them to.
Because that's what it was. Thats what it still is. Home. All Evan feels right now is home.
They laugh at all the same parts. They cry as well. They cheer. They point out the same things. Nothing has changed.
Sure, ten years is big. But Evan can't think of a better way of spending the anniversary than continuing to do what hes loved to do with Gregory throughout the years. This doesnt mark the end of an era, or a big change. It marks how long hes had the gift of his brother. His family. His real family. The fifteenth mark will, as well. So will the twentieth.
All the tenth mark says is hes had ten years worth of joy and growth. and He'll continue to do just that.
After the third movie, Evan takes a quick look at his phone. The numbers 12:03 look back at him from his lockscreen, a picture of him and Gregory. The date has switched to the 5th.
"You're my brother." Evan says suddenly to Gregory at the beginning of the fourth movie. Gregory pauses in stuffing his face with popcorn to look over at Evan's earnest face. "You know that?"
Gregory chuckles wetly. It seems Evan isn't alone in the sentimentality tonight. "Only since we were preteens."
Gregory pulls him into that same side hug he always does. "You're my family." Gregory tells him sincerely. "You always will be, too. Hell would freeze over before our family would ever say you aren't one of theirs."
Evan chuckles, eyes misty, because he knows its true. He can imagine his family's reactions so vividly. "I know."
They only sink further into the hug after that, the movie continuing on. Theyve long since stopped with the thank yous. Not since they got it through Evan's thick skull that they arent doing him a favor. They just love him.
It's in that moment that Evan realizes that tomorrow is another day. And there are more after that and after that. Theres more milestones to reach, more years to spend with his brother and their family, and he cant wait to experience them.
But right now, he's content continuing a ten year long tradition as a mundane celebration for a non-mundane achievement.
It's not mundane to him at all, anyway. It means the world to him.
Besides, he can't imagine a world where his family doesn't throw a suprise party for him when he and Gregory visit them tomorrow.
ao3 link
#after writing so much about how gregory affects evan in the present i wanted to do something different.#especially since this is the 10th work in the series!#so this fic takes place in the future. in my little universe gregory and evan continue to live together for a very very long time.#i imagine after so long of in their heads adopting evan#and also gregory and evans mutual feelings of being family and eachothers siblings they would just.#not beat around the bush any longer. i think everyone knew in their minds#but when evan hightailed it to the fazbears when he turned 18 they all actually sat down and were like#okay so we agree that evan is ours now.#anyway their lives continue to be good and they have eachother and experience life with one another.#they feel emotional in this fic over it being a decade since they met but there are no hard feelings over their current life.#just reminiscing over their childhoods :) especially since its so special to evan specifically as a turning point in his life#he feels more intensely over it#i wanted to write somethinf different with them and here we are#i make myself emotional over my own incredibly specific au#pandas writes#flashlight duo#flashlight duo modern au#flashlight duo oneshots#gregory and evan#this is classified as the future with them being kids as the present in the universe btw#oneshot#nostalgia#the fazbears#fnaf gregory#evan afton#au
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homophobia issue …
first of all,,, im bisexual!! so if anyone has a problem with that, please get off my blog. i will not be tolerating homophobia of any kind.
i really, really didn’t want to have to come out in this way, bc the situation is so bad right now. i really didnt expect enhablr to be facing this kind of a problem.
when i first heard about the issue, i was thoroughly shocked. like completely.
before anything, ill let you all read the definition of homophobia.
“discrimination” “dislike against the community” this. disrespect falls in the category of homophobia as well.
now to address the issue at hand. i wasnt directly involved in this problem. some of you may even be wondering why im making a post about it.
but as a part of the lgbtq community, i think id like to speak what i feel about this.
the situation we heard about was that an enhablr writer, had written dni: lgbtq in their account, which literally anyone would be surprised or angry at, especially if you belong to the community.
OP’s friend, who had recently become my mutual, was defending OP’s actions, which made me think of unfollowing them and i wanted to unfriend them. but then i found out it involves religion.
religion is a very sensitive topic for everyone and could go wrong in multiple ways. i respect all religions and beliefs.
so i texted OP’s friend, asking about the situation at hand, in case it was a misunderstanding.
i am aware that the quran forbids acting on gay feelings. it teaches you to not accept the gay ‘Lot’. (i have done my reading on this topic so i rlly hope im not saying anything out of line. if i am, please forgive me.)
but as far as i know, and have heard from my other islamic friends, the quran also tells you to respect and love everyone, no matter what they are or identify as. respect and acceptance are two different things. islam doe not encourage lgbtq, but doesnt tell u to NOT respect people of every kind.
if what they say is correct, then being on tumblr and reading and writing fanfictions is very much considered as haram as well.
in the above conversation, i texted them wanting to hear their side of the story as well. OP’s friend constantly used the word ‘opinion’ along with ‘belief’.
now, opinion and beliefs are two different things. opinion is something that YOU FOLLOW on your own will. belief is something that your religion teaches you to follow, against your will or not. you can notice OP’s friend has used the word opinion quite a lot.
OP’s friend had received an ask and this was their response.
‘everybody has their own opinion.’
again, the word opinion is used here, which conveys to us that they’re not wanting to interact with lgbtq community on their own accord.
i tried to explain that most of us get enough hate for being a part of the lgbtq community, and seeing dni:lgbtq, doesnt make it any better.
now, about OP.
when OP was answering asks, most of their answers were very mixed up,
in the third picture, you’ll see ive highlighted a sentence.
they say THEY DONT LIKE lgbtq. usage of first person is used. “i don’t like what they’re doing” which conveys their opinion on the community.
in the first picture, they claim that if tumblr was only lgbtq people, they’d never stay. how mean is that?
second slide, ‘escaping them’ escaping us????????? what does that even mean.
there was another pic, (that i cant add rn bc tumblr has an image limit), where they said “why do people have a problem w us saying dni lgbtq but no one has a problem if people say dni homophobic?”
… are they being for real.
i genuinely dont think they understand the situation properly. they keep saying the same thing, and mixing up opinions and beliefs.
the replies under OP’s pinned post were terrible. people said things like “im so sorry. what they’re doing is so fucking messed up.” we wouldn’t call out people for no reason just like that???
extra info: OP had written a suggestive niki fic before too.
people of the lgbtq community are humans too. it doesnt make us any different from everyone. please stop treating anyone differently, we are all of the same bone. spread positivity and happiness, not this negative energy.
please feel free to dm me if you’d like to rant abt anything! im here to listen anytime ❤️
please reblog this!
tagging mutuals: @haknom @amakumos @soov @soobnny @dazed-hee @chiyuv @delcakoo @dearheemain @kimsohn @goldenhypen @wonieleles @jaeyunverse @haerinz @hanniluvi [my head is poundinggggg rn so im sorry if i forgot anyone!]
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Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER
in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!
(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)
"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"
i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.
(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE
"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"
CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice
"The man damn near shits his pants"
AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)
"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"
I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE
"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."
proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin
the entire earring scene
i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy
he xuan scene
canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”
my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.
ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.
this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT
"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."
i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.
"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"
hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)
"Sure it will."
i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.
its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."
you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE
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was trying to write a post but it just wasnt coming out how i liked it or conveying what i was thinking about the jist of it was that i was thinking about how i used my art as my only tool in isolation to think about things that people tried to teach me was ''wrong'' like being trans or having acne but of which i never understood why it was ''wrong'' as a kid, so i ran off to my secluded corner to draw up what i was thinking about and how i really struggled wanting to show what i was seeing because there was no tutorial or online tips or refferences on how to do things, i didnt have any icons i was looking up to because they were isolated and hidden from me for the exact same reason, so for a long time my art felt like it was me trying to ''call out'' into the darkness to an idea i could just barely see on the horizon but couldnt get to through the murky depths of isolation and being told that art has to be a certain way and people need to look a certain way in it
to finally getting to a point where i seemingly managed to grasp that idea and shine a light onto it and have the depths disappear and everyones voices fade out until all i could see was the image clear in my head, and i was able to draw what i wanted because i finally ''understood it'' --- and this is about a lot of things in my art, like discovering i was trans or letting go of my fear of having self harm scars or acne scars or gaining weight, or even just random bullshit like having red cheeks or crooked teeth or weird looking knees. like i grew up rooted in so much self hatred and around people who were so mean and judgemental and i felt like i couldnt even fit myself into the little box of expectation placed before me and my friends that even when i ran away to my art i felt like i was trapped by the will of the world around me with nowhere to go and no way to communicate my sadness, because above all else i really do think all i wanted when i was younger was for people to be happy and to be happy myself, but i felt like i was being strangled by the thoughts and ideals of those around me to even the smallest degree, like a passing judgemental remark about someones self harm scars or crooked teeth
so now that i can draw that and communicate a positive love for people, that everyone is amazing and that nobody is ''wrong'', that love ive had since i was a kid for the world around me and everyone i met, it feels really good!! i cannot explain how much it means to me that people let me draw this way and respond psoitively to it and are moved by it because it feels like ive been locked in a box all my life not knowing what to do or what i was thinking about, and someone finally opened up the box and let me out and showed me what it all means. does that make sense? i feel like my art was a gateway to recognizing my own identity and who i am and to tell me that its not Wrong to be a certain way, that the people i was raised around were not telling the truth, that i wasnt a failure or doing something wrong when my teeth yellowed beyond my control or acne started showing up on my skin, that it wasnt wrong to have mobility aids or be suicidal or gain weight
like when i look back at my old art i see younger me who was struggling with a lot and just wanting to understand what it all meant, and as i grew up and put my art out there i was shown that the world wasnt a mean and cruel place, that it didnt have to be, and it really allowed me to open up and draw more. this post makes about as much sense as my draft but i just wanted to say all of this to say THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me because it really does mean more than you will ever know in so many ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if youve been here for a while you may have even seen how much happier i am now and how my art has developed as i got happier and its all because i know now that the world doesnt have to be cruel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you !!!!!! (^ old art i drew as a 15 year old as a thsank you)
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one of my favorite details about liam is the fact that he is very nice!!!! but he does NOT seem to get manners
his whole motive thruout season 2 is that he wants to save the others. from the looks of it, he doesnt CARE about the revenge part that much. like yeah itd be nice to stop the guy that physically harmed and killed you bc he did that, but thats an afterthought really - and i didnt interpret liam trying to kill airy even as an attempt at revenge so much as an extremely irrational and extremely stress-induced method of trying to make sure his friend + the others DIDNT get sent to the plane. his main priority is repeatedly that he wants to stop this from happening to anyone else. the only time he mentions himself is when saying that he 'cant live the rest of his life not knowing WHY this happened' (thats paraphrased) but that is immediately followed up w concern for this happening to other people
ofc, he also thinks he literally Has Nothing so the lengths he goes to to save the others CAN be interpretted as not things he would do if he thought he could go back to normal but at that point, thats just extremely specific speculation and i dont think thats supposed to be whats conveyed. some situations wouldnt even be necessarily related to him not having anything, so much as related to helping the others. he still throws himself into everything after "remembering what its like to have a life again." even when he realizes that he doesnt HAVE to have lost everything, he still cared and wanted to help the others more
i think he wanted closure, yeah, but he really did want to save the others. the scene of him helping julien is there for a narrative reason, after all (though i dont wanna get into that bc id go on a tangent about narrative choices in ONE). hell, hes the only one to try to get charlie out of the way of the stakes! (not that the others didnt try, but i feel like the intended take-away of liams general nature is fairly clear)
anyway, liam is nice!! he cares a lot abt others and doesnt want bad things to happen to them, and hes ok with bad things happening to him if it can help them.
but he does NOT understand a lot of social etiquette, or the concept of being polite.
my favorite example of this is the whole discussion abt going to go see bradley. when the restaurant gets shut down, liams first thought is to go 'sooooo. you dont have work, right?' when liam realizes he cant pay for the laptop, he just kinda. 'i dont have any money.' and stares at bryce like a cat looking at your plate of sandwich meat, waiting for you to inevitably give them some
this isnt even ONLY after the 7 months, theres hints of this trait before then! when amelia is talking abt stone making her team when the challenge, he just goes 'yeah sorry.' then talks abt how texty won their teams challenge, pointedly when texty is RIGHT there. liam doesnt even say goodnight back to owen! (this ones less impolite than the others but i think its silly to include)
it should be noted tho, that while this ISNT present before and after the plane, it DOES show up more prominently afterwards, and this could very much be the stress! but looking at WHY its more prominent afterwards also feels like it points more towards this just being How He Is.
all of the things hes kinda impolite abt? are things where he is TRYING to be nice, or arent unkind inherently. hes going to talk to bradley? well, doesnt bryce want to come? driving him there is more efficient anyway. oh you have work? well now you dont! so now things are easier! staying here isnt gonna make the restaurant reopen anyway! (liam also probably does NOT have the same weight associated w jobs that bryce does, since liam hasnt had a job in a capitalist society in 7 months. its probably still subconsciously there, but not at the forefront when the plane is still out there). i crashed your car? well, i think the lives of others matters a little more. you can get a new car, but if something happens to airys contestants WHO KNOWS whatll happen to them
a lot of it, i think, is made more extreme by stress and trauma, yeah, but these are patterns in logic that seem to already discard manners as being that relevant. and i, autistic, chose to view that as something hes just Like. hes not a dick and he doesnt ever mean to be! but also if someone can do something fairly minor to do something more important, why does he NEED to be polite abt it?? whats the POINT you get the same message across! and thats assuming he even REALIZES these things are "impolite," based on a lot of his interactions w vryce, i legitimately dont think he realizes how he acts could sometimes be considered 'impolite'
where bryce is knowingly kind of rude sometimes and doesnt care (though is STILL kind, he is just more blunt and uninterested in sounding nice, which i could do an entirely different essay on the autism of), liam seems to not really notice manners, nor does he think theyre very important to consider, and i just. really love that about his character :)
this is the kind of guy that, if you stubbed ur toe, hed probably not say 'oohh, sorry :(' and hed just be 'dang, that sucks' and move on
#hfjone#liam hfjone#yes im maintagging this bc i like my liam analysis#i LOVE characters who are kind but dont acknowledge manners#i point at a character i like and go im going to give you the highest honor i can bestow and its an autism diagnosis#also the reason i care abt this is because i see a lot of ppl write him as concerned abt how he comes across and being a bit shy abt it?#and like!!!! thats ok#different interpretations of the same character can exist!!!#esp w a character whose actual personality is fairly muddled by the events of the story#but i also overanalyze characters and have noticed this trait of his and i think id like to see it in more interpretations#bc its how i see him and i think its very fun!!! though that could just be me :)#idm the other interpretations of liams personality i just wanted to throw this one out there bc i think abt it a lot#and i dont think it changes much but as an autistic i enjoy interpretting liam this way :)#anyway. liam autism forever 🎉🎉🎒🎉🎉🎉#hfjone spoilers
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your blog has inspired me to give sleeping beauty another chance. (no offense but) i disliked aurora greatly for many years because it just seemed like she didnt deserve the same level of adoration as a princess as others who were more active in their stories, while aurora was just born, was a ditzy princess in the forest, fell in love after 2 minutes, fell asleep for half the movie and then got what she wanted anyway... but.... reading your passion for the movie, the story, her character, and the creation of the movie ... I'll give it another go and go in with an open mind.
This makes me so happy! Aurora is definitely a character that requires more thought than someone like Belle or Moana, where everything about them is handed to you and nothing is left to the viewer to deduce, and I understand how that's unappealing to some people...but it genuinely makes the connections people do have with Aurora all that much more personal and special. I would view the film, without abiding by anything you might've heard negatively about her, and just observe her interactions with her aunts, how sophisticated she is, the lyrics of I Wonder, think about how deep the rooted need for love is for her, someone who's been secluded her entire life from humanity. Think about how, even though she isn't in many scenes, she's so important that every single person in the film has a goal that's directly rooted to her and the entire universe of this movie exists on her shoulders. Think about how special and important of a person she must've been for that. I would listen to her glorious voice and think about all the differences it conveys and I would really think about all she's giving up when she discovers she's a princess and leaves her love behind for royal duty. If you approach the film realizing she's a complete individual that makes decisions motivated by her own constitution and expresses herself in a way no one else does, instead of just thinking she's a carbon copy of the princess archetype, I really think she'll endear herself to you! And if not, the good part is the three good fairies are impossible to dislike, there's a lot of funny business with the Kings, Maleficent is a cultural icon for many reasons, and Phillip is one of the best princes to ever come out of Disney. There's the classical score, which is like going to a symphony orchestra, and backgrounds and animation that were made by the most talented team when they were at the height of their abilities. There really is so much for you to enjoy here, but I wish you all the best in this viewing experience and send three good fairies to keep you company throughout the film's runtime!
#ask#anonymous#this really makes me so happy because without my relationship to aurora i don't know what i'd have#she's given me my best friends my greatest interests and passions and a lens through which to observe the world in
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I am...baffled and disappointed.
I was watching a fansub of the first few Onepiece episodes, and was completely thrown off by them translating nakama as "friend". Like, no? That is not right. Just leave it as nakama please it's so much less offputting than Arlong going "Nami is my friend". That absolutely does not work.
Then on a whim I decided to google what fansubbers would still be using nakama, only to find at some point the fandom became absolutely poisonous about not only the term nakama, but leaving japanese in at all.
"It's a deliberate troll of old fansubbers!" "They just didnt' know how to translate it so they left it in." "It means friend/comrade/crew and they should just have used the REAL word!" "They thought leaving Japanese in made them edgy and cool"
Like...y'all realize YOU sound like the assholes here? Then of course there's the people who are like "You should never leave the japanese in the translation!" purists who I just don't understand. Misconception of words aside, because that is their OTHER argument, if you want it purely english, watch the dub maybe.
There ARE untranslatable concepts, and what I remember is fansubbers used to put their heart and soul into trying to convey the concept instead of literal translations. And sometimes, leaving the original term with a translation of subtleties works better. If you are mad at the fandom for assigning it further meaning beyond that (which I never really...picked up on? Nakama has different meaning for everyone, it's not a one-stop "closer than family" term?? Literally never heard anyone say that except for the people complaining that people say that), then I don't think you like fandom at all.
#personal opinions ahead#whine whine whine#it's just another arm of purity culture#which just makes me wish for sanity in this stupid-ass world#does it lead to hilarious things?#of course#but how joyful was 'keikaku means plan' for people?#how much fun did people have?#was anyone actually butthurt over it? not that i saw#i am just so tired#dubs are like nails on chalkboard for me personally#if you like them absolutely power to you but i do not#and translations like this give me the same 'unable to get into it' thrown off feeling#these are not english shows and they should not feel like it#if the subber had used different words for different situations i could have forgiven it tbh even though i prefer nakama#but arlong??? does not do friends#not like that at least#these bad guys are not yelling about their 'friends' when they are talking/belittling their crews#same thing about things like 'nii-san'#yes it literally means older brother but it's used in many other situations#and just putting the name in instead doesn't convey that#and saying 'bro' works in some situations but not most#just leave it in as a title like god damn#learn a little bit about a language you don't know why don't you#ugh rant over i guess
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HI
my brain is really kicking me, these days so I haven’t at all been able to write comments for ur fics but I REALLY WANTED TO TELL U IVE BEEN READING UR RECENT FICS AND I REALLY LOVE THEM THEYRE SO GOOD like?????? the way you write ur character and story is so beautiful 😭😭😭😭 just read ur soul mate fic and ???? SO. the way you wrote that concept was so. Beautiful to me. I like soul mates trope but at the same i didnt jam with it? fjjfjfjf anyways. IM SO. I love ur writing n the way u write the characters it’s so *chefs kiss* INOUE ORIHIME IS SO <3 TO ME. i Hope i do get to write the comments I want on ur fics because HELLO I need to convey how much they make me scream n occupy my mind 🥺🥺🥺🥺♥️♥️♥️💕💕💕💕💕
seriously!!!!! thank u so much for writing + sharing ur stories !!!!!!!! ur an absolutely gem to the bleach fandom <3
hello!! thank you so much, this is such a wonderful and kind thing to say, i'm so happy you've been enjoying my fics!! :D 💖 i definitely understand not having the capacity to comment sometimes, so don't be so harsh on yourself! even the smallest comment makes me happy and your ask definitely put a smile on my face, so thanks so much :') i love hearing from people!
i've never been super sold on soulmate AUs as a concept in the way they're typically written either because i don't believe that there's one person that's meant to be your preordained romantic partner for life. it's very limiting and takes away characters agencies + the choices they make (which is a very boring thing to say, i know, since this is a popular trope in fandom after all😂). instead, if soulmates were to exist, i see them as ambiguous. here's this person that's tied to you, through your soul, but what they're supposed to mean to you is your choice, defined entirely by your relationship with them! that ambiguity gave me a lot of room to work bleach canon and characterizations into the story in a meaningful way while also staying true to my own beliefs about love and relationships! of course, bleach lore has a lot of heavy implications about reincarnation and the idea of love through lifetimes. the best part about orihime's confession, though, is how there's a mix of destiny and choice – if she was born into another life where she met ichigo, she would choose to love him all over again. this notion of love as a choice is so attractive to me, because destiny/chance might have brought you two together but how you define your relationship is entirely on your terms! and honestly, the way ichigo and orihime share this idea of rejecting/shattering fate, and orihime's own symbolism with the heart gave me so much interesting material to work with! the fic was a gift for my friend mango, who wanted to see me tackle a soulmate AU (and make it angsty), and i hope i was able to bring all of this together in a good way that makes sense for the story and the characters.
anyway, you didn't ask for all that, but i rambled anyway. thanks a lot for taking the time to send this, inoue orihime is very <3 to me as well!
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Just wanna say its 2023 and I still want it to be said that if Boruto and Sarada end up together we can literally never say shit about SNS again because they were right, unfortunately we gotta admit that it was true, that the only reason Naruto and Sasuke didnt end up together was because their both dudes, Im not a SNS shipper but the truth is the truth at that point.
And before anyone says ‘nuh uh, Boruto and Kawaki are supposed to represent Naruto and Sasuke so that doesnt count’
You are partially right in that, Boruto and Kawaki are definitely heavily marketed and referenced Naruto and Sasuke in many ways.
However lets not overlook that Boruto and Sarada shared that connection first and still does in many ways, I’ll give several examples.
Note: there are MANY official arts featuring them with their fathers that look more like family photos rather than shipping material [kinda weird to have their dads constantly watching them being lovey dovey if that was the case, looks more like two brothers hangin with their kids that reminds them of themselves than two fathers watching their children be inlove]
The context Im pointing out here is how Sasuke and Sarada point out Naruto and Boruto dont understand what its like to be in their shoes, just Sarada was less aggressive but her point still stood that unlike her Boruto KNEW who he was and where he was delivering to and if she was in his shoes she’d gladly make the effort to bring her father the food, but unlike him she doesnt know her dad nor have any clue where he is or has been all this time. So the situations are different but the context is the same, them calling the other out for their ignorance.
Worst part is all this is STILL not even half of what all exists but you get the point, Boruto and Sarada may have alot in common with NS more than SNS atp [for obvious reasons as Kawaki was introduced] but the fact remains they were HEAVILY SNS coded and still are to an extent, it was very clear from Kishimotos original writing he intended for Naruto and Sasuke to pass the torch to the new generation with Sarada filling Narutos role and Boruto Sasuke’s, ending 14 literally has Sasuke and Naruto watching them from the Hokage mountain, at the end of the Boruto movie which Kishi wrote had Sasuke looking on proudly at the kids professing their newfound dreams.
You’d think this would’ve been obvious when Sarada decided to follow Narutos path and Boruto decided to follow Sasuke’s it was very apparent that the two were meant to succeed their fathers and continue on the close Uzumaki/Uchiha friendship [Kushina/Mikoto, Hashirama/Madara, Obito/Kushina, Naruto/Sasuke] it was NOT implied to be romantic, they were entirely marketed as the new Naruto and Sasuke, a blush or two doesnt = romance when Naruto and Sasuke have blushed for eachother as well, which leads me to the point of this post.
If BoruSara is canon theres really nothing else to say about SNS because they’d be right, even if that isnt the intent or message they are tryin to send the fact remains thats exactly what they’ll convey, that Naruto and Sasuke 100% would’ve been endgame if not for both being males, because the fact that they have been so heavily foreshadowed as taking over their fathers role, sharing a similar bond and many similar moments, theres no way to deny that the only reason these two are pushed together romantically is because their boy and girl, you could probably argue at that point that Naruto and Sasuke actually were as well if thats the case with Boruto and Sarada.
At the moment their relationship has been completely platonic, they are close friends, teammates, and rivals just like their fathers were, and nothing about their relationship is explicitly romantic just like it wasnt for their fathers as well.
However, if they DO turn Boruto and Sarada’s relationship into a romantic one and confirm all those scenes, interactions etc were indeed part of their romantic development, you cannot argue the same couldnt have been true for Naruto and Sasuke anymore, not even the fact that they see eachother as brothers is a factor anymore since Sarada said the same and still ends up with him, theres no argument anymore.
Listen everything I’ve mentioned is exactly why I dont think BoruSara will be endgame, but Im realistic enough to not say it isnt a possibility at all, so if the worse case scenario happens and they are indeed canon we gotta concede that SNS fans were right, the only thing that held SNS back was bein men, sad but true.
It still baffles me how some SS fans even ship BoruSara considering it literally mirrors the two main ships they were against, NaruSaku and SNS, and yet now their shipping the split image of those ships...truly makes you wonder...but thats another topic for another day.
Point is I dread the day this is actually confirmed because if Kishi and co thought the outrage was bad before its gonna be 10x worse if they pull that cuz it’ll prove everyones suspicions right that there was homophobia behind the scenes, alot of ppl claim to tolerate BoruSara since its the closest they’ll get to SNS but deep down if it was actually confirmed they’ll be outraged because lets be real, although some of them may settle for it in theory doesnt mean their actually ok with the ‘homophobia’ being confirmed, they may even come to resent the ship for ‘stealing’ what SNS had and should’ve been.
The NS shippers who see this as compensation for Kishis ‘betrayal’ will be fine in this case since theres no negative cannotations for them if their canon, it’ll just prove to them that NS should’ve been canon but Kishi ‘sold out’ but is now atoning for his sins and ‘fixing’ his mistakes.
Not even makin that up thats literally what they think BoruSara is, Kishi ‘fixing’ his mistakes despite him never once saying he regretted his endgame ships, only the fandom views it as a ‘mistake’ while Kishimoto proudly speaks on every ship with no remorse, he didnt even realize he had caused such controversy, man lied to his own wife just to appease her, thats not something you’d do if you felt you made the wrong decision, instead he would’ve apologized but nah, he just flat out said NS was never a serious consideration for him, he already had his endgame decided and he stuck to it.
So to say Kishimoto is ‘fixing’ his mistakes by making BoruSara canon would mean he’d have to regret his endgame pairings which he doesnt, hes made that abundantly clear in numerous interviews that he was proud of his decision and deliberately ignored everyone who pushed for NS even his own wife, so why ppl think Kishimoto is trying to ‘fix’ a mistake he doesnt even view as a mistake is baffling to me.
Anyway I’ve said my piece, I’ll come back to this subject if the worst case scenario happens but hopefully that doesnt happen and they stick to what they’ve set up, a platonic close bond between friends, teammates, family, and rivals.
#boruto#boruto anime#boruto next generations#anti borusara#anti-borusara#anti bsa#reason im not tagging anti sns because this isnt meant to be anti towards them but bsa#Im actually defending sns in this post not condemning it#basically im saying you cant condemn one but be fine with the other#if your against sns you should be against bsa#and if bsa is canon then it does confirm that sns could've just as well been canon and only werent cuz their guys
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Hi! I really love your work— do you have any advice for someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience drawing human forms/anatomy? I dont really know where to start 😅
Thank you!!!! ^_^
So first off, bear with me, I'm going to point you to some of my old old art. In general, any 'progress'/tutorial type stuff i post goes into the "wip" tag: freebooter4ever.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/wip
The rest of this discussion is going under a cut lol
I've been drawing since i was a kid - as my grandma likes to tell it i would sit quietly at the card table next to her and make her draw with me because "everyone can draw, grandma". Sometime around high school i got it into my head that i needed a 'class' to understand anatomy, as if it was just this magical thing i would suddenly understand. (college was useless) The truth is i didnt start getting better until recently, when i gave up trying to 'learn' anatomy and just started studying bodies. That sounds weird, but i don't know how else to describe it? If someone told me ages ago that i could learn anatomy the same way i self-disciplined myself into being able to pull out computer science concepts at the drop of the hat, i feel like i wouldn't have wasted so much time but anyway...
Check out any doodles before my mchanzo era for drawings that i did prior to getting serious about practice studies: freebooter4ever.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/mchanzo. Terrible anatomy. Atrocious. (with one exception that i still like which is a poster on sasha bees' wall hey bees if you're reading this) 2016 ish.
THEN 2017 i lost my job, moved away from pittsburgh, missed my DJ friends, watched a documentary on netflix about st*ve aoki (after watching everything vaguely DJ related on the streaming service lol), and the aoki drawing era begins: freebooter4ever.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/steve%20aoki. I joke that the way I learned anatomy was by becoming obsessed with a DJ who contorts himself into very strange positions and has photographers that take photos of him from LITERALLY every angle and who tends to walk around half naked an unusually large amount of time but like...that's literally what happened. Not that im saying you have to start drawing half naked DJ's...just find a subject you dont mind drawing hours of studies from and it makes it a lot easier.
When I'm doing 'studies' I tend to do two separate drawings. Initially I literally just 'study' what I'm looking at - I put it in photoshop and trace the lines that I see. I don't OUTLINE it, there is a huge difference. A lot of times the lines that stand out are not the outlines but rather a dominant shadow or sharp edge. After I feel like I've got a good handle on it, I do another drawing of the pose freehand. Then I take the original photo and put it underneath that drawing and check where I've messed up. If I'm completely off I throw it away and start again, lol. If there's a few errors I fix them. More and more lately I find that the freehand drawing is fairly accurate with anatomy unless it's an unusual or challenging perspective. I break this down more in this post using joe as an example: https://freebooter4ever.tumblr.com/post/633653906052923392/its-been-a-while-since-ive-posted-one-of-these
Those study drawings rarely see the light of day. I just delete them when I'm done because i didn't have an...aim...? For the drawing. They just were to learn.
The doodles that I post on here? Some of the simpler ones are practice sketches from gifs - i will have a gif running next to my drawing and will try to draw what i see, freehand. Some of the more complicated drawings/portraits are from photos - but there's usually something i see in the photo that i want to convey? Like light? or a specific part of anatomy? I dunno, i make shit up as i go.
AND THEN there's my favorite, when i have done all this practice and i can do shit like drawing characters from my imagination. Like kenny hugging his cat. These don't have any reference - im just relying on my memory of anatomy i've drawn in the past.
I dunno. Dont let bad anatomy get you down, just keep trying. My anatomy hero - a sculptor ethan idolized and i idolize by default - even said himself that he doesn't feel like an 'expert', and he's in his 40's and has been doing this shit for decades. Just draw!!! The more you do it, the more you'll start to see what you like, and how you can make it how you like even more. I still think my anatomy is bad, im still embarrassed by it. But i also know i've gotten better because i can see it now.
ANYWAY this is long, im exhausted, i have to go to bed now :) and i was serious about scheduling an abs livestream. Maybe this weekend if im ambitious.
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So how do I convey i to words that I want a very unstable person to stop texting me because all they text me is trauma dumping, highly problematic behavior at their work that they enable and I keep telling them is fucked up and that it needs to be reported but she always replies with how “no one here has a filter or boundaries so it’s ok” and it’s not and I legit had an hour rant at her about how everywhere has rules and boundaries and how those cant be broken for so many reasons and she didnt take me seriously at all. Like shes a walking talking hypocrite and hr violation who is also a massive creep who oversteps her boundaries especially with me and like i just dont want her to go to my work again and be a fucking psycho. Like the time i was telling her to respect boundaries she was no joke fiddling with a switchblade the whole time. I fucking hate her. Im trying to think of a way to just send one last text to her and be like “you stress me out too much. I really dont need this in my life right now. You dont want a friend you want a therapist but is anti therapy because you don’t understand what therapy actually is you fucking moron. Go get arrested for malpractice and hr violations.” But you know without her going to my house or work and getting stabbed.
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I noticed that you get quite a few comments from Sakura fans who are unhappy with the way you portray her. I think you're closer to her canon character than any of their fanworks though. I really think Sakura coerced or manipulated Sasuke into giving her a child somehow. We know she can be mean and manipulative, as seen by every one of her confessions (including the fake one to Naruto). The way she tried to kill Sasuke was also cowardly and manipulative. Naruto had just told her that he wasnt giving up on Sasuke even though the promise he made to her no longer stood, but she still wanted to kill him. She really doesnt see Sasuke as a person, she couldnt even try to understand. In Chapter 3 she tried to get Sasuke's attention by talking shit about Naruto, but he defended Naruto. She even tried to "steal" his first kiss and thought about him peeing in front of her so that she could see his dick. She always jumped on him no matter how many times he made it clear that he didnt like it. And SS was deliberately written to be a bad and dysfunctional 'couple' in Gaiden. I think Sakura can actually be called abusive when she frightens Sarada into shutting up, shouts at her for asking valid questions about her weird 'relationship' with Sasuke and destroys her house. She's still insecure over other women and possessive of Sasuke in her 30s. She specifically covered Karin's face with her own picture to fool her daughter and she spoke badly about Ino to Sarada, so Sarada stops Ino from getting close to Sasuke. Sasuke was actually extremely unhappy to see her after all those years. He shouted "why exactly are you here!?" with a frown. He basically said he and Sakura are only connected because of Sarada and he was reluctant to say even that. He only called her his wife in front of Sarada and then Sarada has a flashback to that moment when she thinks about what kind of relationship they have. Naruto's not even her friend anymore, he knew nothing about her life, thought Karin could actually be Sarada's mom and that was the first personal conversation he had with Sarada. What does it say about them that Kishi made sure to let us know that Sasuke never even kissed her and he rejected her before he left. He looked miserable in his family photo and family dinner. It can't be a coincidence, Kishi could have drawn a happier expression if he wanted to convey a happy family. In your story Sasuke neglects Sarada because of her connection to Sakura and I think that might actually be true in canon as well
I think these are good points.
I can forgive some of Sakura’s distasteful behavior pre-Shippuden because of her age. But she had no development at all. The way she and Sasuke are in Boruto, at least as far as I can see, is just... no. That is a toxic dynamic. It is hella gross, and the way both of them treat Sarada is reprehensible (which of course is a huge and important part of the plot of SEA).
The forehead poke, so beloved of sasa stans, is deliberately a way to keep her at a distance--just as Itachi always used it with Sasuke.
The disdain sasa fans have for any kind of anti-sakura heterodoxy is also just weird to me. There are many characterizations of my fav characters that irk me in fanfic. So I don't read them? And I don't understand intentionally reading things that make you unhappy?
I've been fairly kind to Sakura in my stories until this one. I wanted this particular fic to draw on the toxic traits of all the characters, though, and her character as it developed after Shippuden ended was extremely toxic.
So I am perplexed and, honestly, somewhat entertained by the animus sasa fans have for the story. Like, OK, boo, we get it, you are mad. Noted. Oh, you're still mad. Mmkay, dumpling, hope you feel better soon lol.
Then some of them decide to take on the worst traits of their idol and go all out crazy on SNS writers like it's holy war and they're cleansing the world of evil. By being incredibly snide, by harassing writers, and just all around making poor decisions because someone writing a fanfic they did not pay to read failed to give them what they wanted.
All that to say, thank you, I agree with you. Sorry for the tangent on your comment, you unleashed the beast 😆
Thank you for reading, and also thank you for discussing your viewpoints.
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Hi!! I just wanted to let you know how much the Head Filled with Demons series means to me. My Dad also died a couple years back from COVID and he was a full time caretaker for my terminally ill mother, so when he died I’ve been her caretaker ever since. It was so isolating, I lost all my friends and had to leave college and work because keeping her alive took up my entire day every day. Things are getting better in the regards my Mom is in long term care at a facility because she outgrew what I could do alone, but I just resonate with the story beyond what I ever could have imagined. Every detail is like it cuts through me, not in a triggering way since I’m finally at a point where I’m starting to heal, but in a way that’s validating and kind of helps heal me because it provides a way to relive my experience if I had a support system at the end of it.
O hope this comes off as the compliment I mean it to be!! Your story really spoke to me and I would love to be added to the tag list for the series! If you ever need someone to talk to about your struggles or your parents, idk how much this means coming from a stranger but as someone who has lived the same experience I’ll always be here for you.
Our experience is incredibly unique. Everyone expects their parents to die before them, but never like this. Never before their time, slowly through illness yet still not leaving you any resources or time to prepare. It’s something no one else could ever understand unless they lived it and so if you ever need comfort in someone who understands I’ll always be here to provide that if I can.
My name is Mimi, by the way!! I hope that you have an absolutely beautiful day and I’m going to probably binge some more of your writing :)
Mimi you beautiful angel❤.
First and foremost I am genuinely sorry that you had to experience that grief. Grief in any form whether it be a death or even a disconnect from a parent thats no longer around but still alive just cuts deep. When I lost my father no one explained anything to me.
I was told that you get two weeks to "properly grieve" and then you gotta get back out there. After those 2 weeks passed I remember constantly thinking "What's wrong with me? Why am I still so sad?" After 6 months, it just spiraled from there because I felt so alone. Everyone went back to their lives and I was just sitting here like "How can the world continue being normal when NOTHING is normal anymore?!"
After 2 years and some personal experiences I learned that what I was feeling was normal and worked to be more vulnerable when it comes to those things. I told myself I wanted to share those feelings because I never wanted someone to feel as empty and alone as I did.
It's been almost 10 years since I lost my father and I still miss him. Some days it still hurts just as bad as the day we lost him. Some days I just break and that's ok. All of that is ok.
I hope you know how amazing you are. Not just because you took care of your parents but also because of the strength you had to and still have to utilize everyday when it comes to those responsibilities as well the emotions you have to carry when it comes to everything involving your parents and a society that isnt quiet up to speed when it comes to grief.
Now please forgive me if some of that went off on a tangent or didnt make sense lol because of my PTSD sometimes I struggle to convey what I'm thinking. Writing these fics here has actually helped alot with that and having people on here validate and reiterate that I'm not alone in how I feel or think❤.
I'm always here if you need to talk as well and I appreciate you so much for reading my writings and your compliment.
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week 3
Last week the client stated he liked my story boards but said that with the next few I should work in black and white so its easier to see. Since I also learnt grey scale painting last week i though I could put that to use here, i set out to make the storyboards as visually desciptive as i could without spending an absurd amount of time on them.
I also adjust concepts again keeping critique in mind, the client didnt like the player being non human, called it immersion breaking. Unfortunate in my opinion, but it is what it is and made sure that not only is the player human but also, sitting.
with these story boards i wanted to practice my grey scale painting more and very clearly convey the lighting and mood. also got to practice writing, anatomy, lighting and enviroments again. though im still having trouble using perspective grids i feel like I am improving alot.
prey POV > hunted POV
hunter POV
Client noted that he liked the raptor story board but voiced concerns about accurcy of dinosaur as it would be hard to make an accurate dinosaur. bit conflicting for me as he was exited about dinosaurs and muscle simulations a two weeks prior.
He wasn't too intrested in the hunter POV, he suggested having the bear be a normal un altered bear. I dont understand the logic behind that the whole draw is that the bear has some sort of affiction that connects him to the deer that have gone haywire and they are comunicating some how and hell bent on maiming the player, its supposed to be weird and raise questions for the player. When things arent answered imediatly people keep thinking about it and thats a good hook. I also dont think its a good idea to demonize real animals like they are just vicous machines, not great for conservation efforts and also not true. But he didnt really care for the idea anyway so its scrapped.
gave hints at slenderman as a character design for the prey POV. So i decided to take inspirations from creepy pastas like slender man and the Rake. But i feel its worth mentioning you cannot out slenderman slenderman. not only is the design boring and uninspired nowadays. Tall lanky men have een done to death in the horor scene and i would very much like to have some actual character design in my portfolio that arent just exhausted horror tropes like "tall man" and "woman with long black hair" or rip offs of games like five nights at freddies, Bendy and the inkmachine, poppy play time or resident evil seven. Especially now that movies and games are bringing inredible designs to the table like Jean Jacket from Nope or the aliens from A Quiet Place.
I am very passionate about character design and this genre.
So avoid looking like already existing properties and create something new and interesting. I will do this by looking at already existing properties taking inspiration, boiling them down to thier bare essentials and then making my own thing keeping in mind what i gathered.
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Okay. Feeling really fucky over this. Hoping someone has insight for me.
My best friend is, yk, like me. Very inconsistent on how they feel about a lot of things to a strange degree. Has a lot of conflicting ideas and opinions. Anyway so as it turns out they ultimately dont see what we are to eachother the same way I do. I feel a bit... used? And lead on by the idea that after all we have been through and all we have been for eachother that we are just friends and theres nothing else we could call it.
Going into this I had known they didnt need to be in a relationship right now, I was aware of that. I just figured after 2 months of us continuing to get closer and become what is in many ways partners that maybe it had changed. Its not like we talked about it before really, so I felt safe assuming things may have changed. I still consider them ultimately to be my friend but there are many parts of them I see differently and I feel kinda pushed back and restricted by the idea that what I have with those personalities couldnt be considered anything serious despite it very much so being something, and that something being very significant to me.
I'm struggling to find a way to encourage them to allow some of their personalities to express themselves and feel how they want towards me individually and also understanding that if I were to be officially dating those personalities that things would still be complicated for them as a whole. We both are also very avoidant when talking of our disordered behavior which makes it... a lot harder to convey what I mean. I'm hardly sure a word of this makes sense right now to you guys.
I'm just nervous because after them telling me that ALL of this is just a friendship to them, I'm supposed to act like thats all fine and continue on like nothing's different. They'll probably decide to come over again tomorrow, and I wont want to make anything awkward by trying to say anything so I'll keep it all in and ugh. I just wish that conversation had any closure but I'm too fucked up by circumstance and everything else going on around me and now I'm just stuck in the middle of this. Not knowing where its going to end. I figured this would be an easy conversation because I thought they would think like... "yeah its cool to call this a relationship if thats what it is half the time even if the other half we are friends. I am okay with it being both things and thats what it is so might as well call it that" but thats just really not at all how it went. Now I'm just kinda lost here and I dont want to say anything that'll ruin anything. But I also feel very discontent at where things have left off.
#woah uhm#idk how to express what I need help with exactly here#mostly just figuring out how to talk to them about it all#idk. I just genuinely dont know what to do#and I feel super incoherent#ugh#okay but also am I crazy?? or are they?? or are both of us?? or neither???? im so confused!!! aaaaaa
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