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#like im sad for him but also like. for years ive been asking why shes dating him
soldier-poet-king · 11 months
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Can we have ONE extended family Saturday dinner w/ no politics, religion, pride flag discourse PLEASE
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yourmommygay · 3 months
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Let's trust him.
Idea: This is set just after Liam brings theo back and is set in Scott's house when they find out he's back.
Pairings: theo raeken x plus size!reader, Malia tate/hale x reader (siblings. Malia is 2 years older), Scott mccall x reader (platonic), Liam Dumbar x reader (best friends)
Warnings: swearing, mentions of blood and violence.
Be prepared this is a kinda long one.
Cody christain is just majestic.
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Me, malia and Scott had just returned to Scott's after receiving a message from Liam asking for us to come back. As I stepped out of my truck and closed the door I heard my sister growl, I didn't understand why, I just shrugged it off and walked over to Scott who was walking up the path to the front door.
We entered the house and I heard hushed whispers from towards the kitchen area, I identified the voices of Liam and hayden aka my best friend and his girlfriend. As I rounded the corner I saw him, theo. My ex boyfriend standing behind my best friend and hayden who was holding the katana.
"What's going on here?" I asked worried as to why he was here. Liam looked sad almost guilty but still confident all at once. Scott stepped towards Liam with a angry glint in his eyes.
(Skip to later. Also im adding more speach cause its been a while since ive watched teen wolf and i cant find it anywhere as i live in the uk)
"Scott I don't trust him" malia said to Scott and I don't blame her, he manipulated us all, made us believe we could trust him, shot malia, made me fall in love with him just so he could get closer to the pack, manipulated Liam into trying to kill Scott then trying and sort of succeeding in killing him. "I know you don't malia, but Liam thinks he may be able to help us, he remembers stiles" Scott said trying to calm down the situation.
"I remember stiles, Lydia remembers stiles, y/n remembers stiles and so do you. We don't need theo, Liam needs to send him back. He tried to kill you scott" malia rambled getting angrier by the second. "What do you think y/n?" Scott asked looking straight at me, I looked over at theo and saw his eyes. He was listening in to the conversation and he looked scared. "Malia has a point he did try to kill you." I pause. "But so did I and malia and Liam and Peter and Kate and Chris and Jackson and yet you gave us another chance and trusted us. I say we give him one more chance, if he does something we don't like or agree with put him back" I respond.
Scott nods and tells Liam "y/n's right, but he's your responsibility. You watch him, got it?" Liam nods and looks over at me "can y/n help? She's theos weakness remember".
(Flashback to before they sent him to his personal hell)
"Y/n your everything to me, I didn't mean to involve you in the plan. I didn't mean to fall in love with you, at first I thought maybe it was easy but then you actually treated me the way I wanted to be treated, with love and care. God I'm crazy about you y/n, if anything happened to you I'd lose my mind. Your the only thing that keeps me calm and anchored" theo said trying to plea for my forgiveness.
"I can't be with you theo, not anymore. Your not the person I thought you was. If you can change then maybe at some point eventually but right now I'm pushing myself to just talk to you, I don't think I can trust you" I turned and left theo standing there looking like a kid who just dropped their ice cream.
"Fine catherine goes with but if he gets to close to her stop him" Scott and malia both say St the same time making me smirk. I have a feeling they will be together soon enough, there's always been something there. I can tell.
(Time skip again)
I'm walking behind hayden and Liam by theo but not next to him as I see Liam and hayden being a cute couple. Hayden says how she trusts liam I nearly make an audible sound of adoration towards the teenage couple as they kiss theo says "oh do you want me to leave you two alone to have some couple time?" He then holds up the chains "Oh wait I can't" he says annoyed. Liam rolls his eyes and me and hayden giggle at the boys. Liam yanks on the chain connected to the handcuffs on theo's wrists.
As I'm walking theo looks at me. "Hey" he whispers knowing that even though the teenage couple infront of us are talking that if he spoke loud enough Liam would hear him. "Hi" I whisper back. "I heard what you said to Scott back at the house, thank you for sticking up for me" he whispers smiling at me, not a smirk like before, a genuine smile. "I didn't do it as a favor for you." Amd just like that the smile is gone.
"I did it for me, so I can kill you once we have finished with you" I smile and him then jog to catch up and walk next to hayden.
(Time skip again. I'm sorry)
"Scott was right, I'm sending you back" Liam said to theo, we had just returned to the little shed thingy and saw a ghost rider dead in the cage with the gate open and theo sitting on the floor. I hadn't looked at theo yet I just know he's sitting on the floor, I finally look over at theo then turn to Liam and whisper to Liam "leave me alone with him, I'll fine out what happened" Liam looks hesitant but I nod and he and everyone else walks out leaving me with theo.
I sit down next to theo sideways facing him. I cross my legs, sigh and put my hands in my lap. "What happened theo?" I ask. Theo looks at me with tears in his eyes and blood on his face, "my sister would pull my heart out, over and over and over and over again. Then suddenly you appeared and she started pulling your heart out then she would make me pull it out, I couldn't. I couldn't hurt you again so I always had to watch you die." He said catching me of guard. "Theo I meant about what happened here. Is-is that what you witnessed in your personal hell?" I ask putting my hand on his knee. He nods then says "it was uh, Mr Douglas. He came in here, killed the ghost rider. Ate something from in his brain that let him use the whip" theo says then he clears his throat and sits up more, still leaning on the wall.
"Mr Douglas, as in the new teacher?" I ask in disbelief. Theo nods again and I nod. "Theo I have to ask, did you try to stop him?" I ask scared of the answer. "Yeah I did he uh, he pushed me against the wall and then faced the ghost rider" theo said and I knew he was telling the truth cause they couldn't lie to me. I nod and pull theo into my chest hugging him catching him by surprise but he quickly wrapped his arms around me and buried his head in my neck.
"I missed you" I confess. "I missed you so much more and I'm so sorry I broke your trust and I promise I will try to prove myself and change, for you. I'll be better for you" theo said looking me in the eyes. I smile and nod then kiss theo quickly before calling Scott and Liam and the others back in.
I stand up as they enter and say "He's telling the truth, he had nothing to do with what happened here. In fact he tried to stop it from happening but he couldn't. Scott can I talk to you outside?" I ramble, Scott nods and we walk out the little shed thingy. "Scott, he's just told me what he went through down there. I think we should at least give him a chance to be better. To prove to be better. He isn't the same as before, believe me. I was his girlfriend and there is a look in his eyes that wasn't there before." I explain.
"What did he go through?" Scott asks, I shake my head "I can't say exactly as its not my place if he wants to tell you he will but I will say that if anything would change him. It would be what he went through. Can we please give him one more chance and just put at least a little bit of trust in him?" I say.
Scott nods and says
"Okay, let's trust him"
A/n: I hope you like this, it took me about an hour to write as I kept getting distracted. Anyway let me know what you think about this and I'm sorry that I couldn't really remember much from the episodes but I tried my best. Anyway, remember you are loved and you are wanted. I love you and I hope you have a nice morning/evening/night. Bye bye.
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cupoftaae · 1 year
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Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ boys never grow up. chapter 3
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Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.
Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.
Pairing: taehyung x female!reader
rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)
word count: around 2k!!
chapter warnings: so much angst, some fluff if you squint. tae is really sad and reader is kind of mean in this chapter (but shes just confused its ok!) some suggestive talk but nothing major. i think thats all?
A/N- hey everyone! thank you for being so patient with this chapter, I apologize again for going offline for like 2 months, school and work is so crazy but Im glad to be back and writing. Enjoy chapter 3 and check my page for the previous 2 chapters. I will make a masterlist with each chapter soon.
"Honestly if you ask me, hes not doing you any favors. hes holding you back, he works from home and expects you to stay there with him, like a child who depends on their parent. its pathetic. I dont know why hes so defensive over you, He probably has a crush. Hes not very good at hiding it-"
you stared off at the wall behind your boyfriend, Kaito, as he rambled about the previous days altercation. you agreed to meet him for breakfast at the cafe down the street despite you trying to find an excuse out of it that wasnt: "I need to talk to Tae".
you had tried to communicate with tae as soon as you walked out of your room but he was afraid you were mad, and made up some lie about meeting with a friend. you know tae isnt meeting up with anyone. perhaps kaito was correct about the whole 'he depends on you' type thing, because since you guys had agreed to be friends with benefits, he isolated himself to just you. it was slightly concerning considering the fact you two are no longer exclusive, yet he remains emotionally attached.
"What do you think?" he spoke up, taking a sip of his still steaming coffee, while yours remained untouched.
shit.
"about what?" your eyes grew large, hands resting in your lap as you met his confused and slightly irritated gaze.
"about moving in with Chae? I just said it?"
you scoffed under your breath and looked out the window, shaking your head. he was still talking about this? you think he would learn and know better after last nights scene which was caused by this very topic.
"i dont....I dont know kai. Ive got a lot on my plate right now, and she hasnt even reached out to me about that so" you shrugged and looked down at your mug.
"whats going on with you?" he began, eyes scanning over your slumped frame. "you are a mess lately, you dont listen to me when I talk, you havent been keeping up with homework, youre always busy."
you sadly fidgeted with your coat sleeve, realizing everything he was saying was true.
"you know your grades are dropping in Ms.Daniels class right? you never submitted your final scene for the semester and she keeps bugging me to tell you about it, even though you should be keeping track of it yourself, Y/N"
you sighed deeply before nodding, feeling tears at the brim of your eyes. " i know" you mumbled.
"you are becoming distracted. dont let him do that to you. hes 23 years old and he is acting like that? keeping you from being successful just because he dropped out of college himself?"
you felt like your heart had been stabbed by your boyfriends words. You loved tae, he was your best friend, you spent all night in tears over how guilty you felt about this whole situation. you loved him, more than you had realized, but within those thoughts you also came to the conclusion that all you two had was sex. there was no dates, there was no true quality time together that didnt end up with you both making out. You wanted better, you wanted a relationship, which is the one thing Tae didnt want, and you know he would never date you.
Maybe that was it, all these harbored feelings which longed for something he would never give you. but you have kaito now, and its not fair for you to allow Taehyung to cling to your feet while also pursuing a relationship. what were you thinking? about to give up a relationship with a man who actually will give you want you want for some playdate? get yourself together y/n.
"you are right." you swallowed and wiped a tear, looking up at him. he frowned, "im not trying to hurt your feelings, im just saying what I think can help"
"no, no, angel." you reached over to hold his hand. "I need to start focusing on me and less on him. You are correct"
"can I ask you something?" Kaito mumbled, his thumb running over your knuckles.
"hm?"
"were you and him ever together?"
you laughed, shaking your head while trying to think of exactly how to word it. "no. we were never together in any kind of way" you offered a reassuring smile as he nodded.
"ok, im just trying to figure out why he could be so obsessed with you" he laughed
you hummed, "me and him have been friends since we were little, we do everything together and I think since he moved away from his parents, i remind him most of home?" you shrugged.
"maybe. or he likes you" he laughed again.
you bit your lip and shook your head. "no, I dont think so"
"ive seen the way he looks at you." he went on, sitting back. "im a man, y/n, I know these things".
"what things?"
"you know...like when a guy is 'intruiged' by a girl, wants to 'be' with them." he gestures. "to be honest he does seem like the kind to just try and get what he wants then leave" he added on casually, eating the last bite of the shared muffin in front of you.
you were in shock. Is that what all men did? did taehyung only see you in that way?
"and...how do you see me?"
kaito looks back at you and smiles, "i see you as the most beautiful girl, who I love immensely and would do anything for"
your cheeks blush, sitting back in your seat as your hands fidgeted.
"do you wanna just spend the day together? you dont have to go back tonight, id imagine things are....tense, back at the apartment" kaito suggested, standing up and tossing trash away.
spend the day and spend the night with kaito? but what about taehyung? another missed opportunity to finally talk with him.
"sure" you mumble. "but I do need to head home first for a few hours so I can finish some homework, can you pick me up around 6?" you ask, getting up as well.
he kissed your forhead. "ill be there"
-
Taehyung had been sitting by the lake while he attempted to read "The Catcher In The Rye", a book you previously suggested to him. He didnt understand this type of literature, it wasnt for him. He was never the type to sit and read, but oh how he wanted to be like you.
he lied and told you he was meeting up with a friend from high school, which he knew you wouldnt believe, considering he doesnt have any friends. He just wanted an excuse to avoid you and whatever angry words you had to share with him.
he realized a few things last night, 1, that the chance of you feeling how he feels about you, was literally 0 now. and 2, he needs to get his shit together. It would be hard to just throw away how he felt, especially with what Dahyun said last night. but he knew nothing would come from this. tae needs to focus on tae.
He never regretted his college decision, but he regretted devoting his time so young with some fucking business corporation. If he could chose to do anything, it would be an artist, or something like that. He would love to teach art to younger children. He loved kids and the freedom of expression, the freedom of just being and living. He wished he had motivation to go after what he wanted like you did. Perhaps he believes reading books you enjoy will somehow change him.
or not, considering hes reread the same page 4 times. he looked up to view the water. the way it rippled slightly with the wind. His attention was then caught by a much older man sitting just on the other side of the lake with an easel and canvas, painting. he smiled to himself as he began to think of all the possibilities his life could go in. Since the pandemic, hes kinda been at a stand still. Now the world is open and, truthfully, if he tries hard enough, he could do whatever he wanted. maybe he was too dependent on certain people in his life.
he looked down at his phone to check the time, seeinng you had texted him. He nervously opened the message which contained:
bumblebee: hey, staying over at kaitos tonight. im home rn so do you want me to cook something for you and leave it for dinner? lmk."
he scoffed. you seriously think he cant cook or fend for himself. Hell, you start a kitchen fire ONE TIME and suddenly you cant make dinner.
his eyebrows furrowed. he didnt care anymore if you were gonna spend time with kaito. you were not his to claim. you dont care so why should he? he wants to just forget about everything, the friends with benefits, the dream, YOU, everything.
you had stopped typing on your computer to read his response,
tata: no, thank you though. have fun!
you rolled your eyes, considering throwing together some miso soup and putting it on the stove for him. you knew he was still angry, you hadnt even been able to talk or sort it out, but he was trying to pull some act on you.
you left him on read before getting up and cooking, knowing he would end up eating it anyway.
Taehyung had stood from his spot and brushed the grass stain off his jeans before walking back home. He hoped he wouldn't have to talk to you, but the minute he walked in proved it would be harder than he thought.
you were stood in the kitchen, hair pulled back in a clip and you were applying lipstick through the reflection of the microwave.
you both saw eachother, speaking at the same time.
"is that my book?" "you made soup?"
you both smiled. "you read the book while you were with your friend?" you mumble, screwing the cap back onto your lipstick and throwing it into your overnight bag.
"yep" he pressed his lips together. "he had to, uh, leave early and I wanted to enjoy the nice air today so I stayed out longer. Brought it to keep me busy."
you crossed your arms and looked at him, nodding.
"hm, what do you think of Holden?" you asked.
his eyebrows raised as he looked at the book in his hand.
"uh, I mean. Hes a great guy" tae shrugged nonchalantly.
you scoffed. "no he isnt, hes incredibly flawed, and you did not read that book taehyung"
he looked toward the floor, accepting defeat. "Ok...but look" he walked further into the kitchen as he explained himself. "I cant get into it, I dont get any of the books that you recommend, like cmon what the hell is the 'bird that flew over the cuckoos tree'???"
"its 'nest' tae, and of course you cant get into it" you laughed to yourself. "they arent meant for you."
he put the book down on the table and looked up sadly, confused. "what does that mean?"
you sigh "it means you are childish"
"oh" he looks back at his shoes, deciding not to say anything further.
"you just like simple things, things that dont complicate you. stick to mangas and shit." you spoke, checking your bag so you have everything ready to go to kaitos.
you didnt mean to be rude. but you were fed up. here he is being all attached and in your space again, not even addressing or apologizi-
"look im sorry" he spoke up, voice raspy as he clears it.
you stand to look back at him, eyebrows raised.
"im sorry for being awful last night, it was so out of order and I understand I am quick to act like that and Ill do what I can to avoid it. Im sorry I made things weird, im sorry I embarrassed you and your boyfriend, im sorry for all of it. I am sorry that you feel like you cant talk to me, and im sorry for reading your book, or not? reading it? Im sorry that the reason I was so off yesterday is because I had a dream where we were intimate and it made me feel gross and disgusting because not even 5 hours later your boyfriend was in the room. im sorry that im too involved with you, you are my best friend and you are only that. I wont hold you back anymore, have fun at kaitos and text me. or dont, i dont care. Thanks for the soup." he spoke flatly, taking a breath as he finished then walking casually to his room as you stood there frozen, unsure of what to do or say.
"what the fuck?" you whispered to yourself, trying to unpack everything he just said. A dream??
you clutched your head and sighed. everything is such a mess. you finished throwing stuff into your bag and grabbed your phone, wanting kaito to pick you up an hour earlier, you needed to get out of the apartment and free your mind of whatever the fuck is going on. you needed to just have a nice time with your boyfriend.
taehyung leaned against the door to his bedroom and watched you leave with kaito. once you were gone, he shut the door and threw his hands to his face in shame. he really just let everything go there.
He wanted to rip the bandaid off, he wasnt sure it was the best way to do it but....kinda too late now. He wasnt sure what you would think of him now, but his conscience is now clean and he can do what he has been wanting to do: move on.
A/N: whew. the plot thickens. !!expect chapter 4 to be out friday!! comment to join taglist!
@taebangtanbabe
@turnthepageandbeburnt
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spacedlexi · 2 months
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you said that you "need 2 characters to deeply care for each other and positively impact each other for me to want to ship them" so which of the twdg canon ships do you actually think work/make sense? and by canon ships i mean like actual established relationships, implied relationships or perhaps a character that was crushing on someone else before death.
me immediately blanking on every relationship in twdg upon reading this ask
the only one i stand behind with conviction is clemvi. idk if you need me to explain why i feel like ive done it a million times by now 👀 but yeah theyre the only relationship i "Ship" in regards to the quote where i see them as a match for each other and think romance makes sense for both parties
as for some "in defense of"s
i'll defend javi and kate. my only Real problem with them is how they handle david in it like girl can you at least take off the wedding ring before we kiss 😭 my brother still thinks youre his wife (plus they did push it Really hard.. but like.. narratively i understand why they did. family is a running theme of the series and javi and davids relationship is like the main conflict). but like. kate and javis relationship Makes Sense. she had a shit husband (who wanted to go back to the army anyway). her and javi already had the beginnings of Something before the outbreak even happened. she was left with javi to take care of 2 children that werent even biologically hers (i enjoy the complex family dynamics in twdg as a whole). and together theyve been surviving for years as a family unit. i think javi having feelings isnt up for debate, its more just will he act on those feelings or will he respect his brother? and like.. fuck david am i right? kate was Not happy in that relationship and deserves better, and javi cares about her. but also the pressure from their dad to get along after hes gone. it all works for me even if it couldve been executed better
and i .... sigh .... Understand gabe and clem. BUT!!! i think they have different feelings towards each other and its an important distinction. gabe definitely has a huge crush on her, shes cool as hell, but i think her feelings in return are fueled by hormones and the fact that she hasnt been around anyone her own age since DUCK (sarah was 15 at the time). like. does she think hes cute? yeah. but he can also be kind of a huge jerk sometimes and acts recklessly. i think its those moments that snap clem out of it lol. seeing this response in S4 felt vindicating im taking it as sad loner clem having a hormone induced crush. like girl yes or no?? this is the most direct option??
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personally i dont like them together because i Hate tropes where the more mature girl half has to teach the immature boy half to grow up and be capable and thats somehow romantic. ESPECIALLY in clems case where she is literally already raising someone like her hands are full ok. her assuaging his ego makes me 🤢 girl you dont have to take that second gun just because he was gonna cry about it if you didnt. its just not romantic to me. also i think its soooo funny that clem uses the same tactic on gabe that she does on aj in S4 with the "i need you to watch my back" to stop him from complaining about being left behind at the gate LOL. also i just think he loves his dad too much who clem hates more than anyone on earth so like.. theres that
uuhhh who else... alvin and rebecca are fine. like i have nothing to say about them but i believe their relationship and think they wouldve been good parents to aj. hmmm.... i guess thats it for the ones i have defenses for?? the others just like.. exist. like im neutral
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baylardo · 7 months
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voyager novel lore that lives in my mind rent free good and bad:::::::::::::::
kathryn gets Basically Killed(?) in String Theory by a nacene thats been posing as her sister phoebe and her final moments before death have her envisioning Chakotays face and she has this internal hmmmm moment of questioning why she's seeing him as a comforting face as opposed to like her father or mark (((((its really awesome please read String Theory ive never felt so fulfilled reading these hegging books lmao)))))))
harry kim's romance life makes me sad and he third wheels b'elanna and tom for a time and eventually he proposes to libby and she declines and also libby breaks up with him and eventualy he gets a new gf nancy and eventually she is revealed to have a terminal illness and also is pregnant and also doesnt want to keep baby and also goes into a coma and also they take the baby out of her and incubate it and also nancy gets healed and chooses to leave harry and their unborn baby lol so harry's left a single dad with barely any ties to earth and thats awesome CHEERS!!!!!
also author oc character alien biology bonds herself to harry's unborn daughter and i feel so normal about that momcore hahahahahahaha rubbing sweat off of my brow shes so not maternal as a character shes a cocky pilot girl i have normal thoughts about her and harry kim together (not canon U___U)
kathryn and phoebe fight a lot during kathryns brief time on earth in Protectors and it sours their relationship and kathryn leaves earth for 3+ years without either one attempting to amend things/apologize and this is all awesome because kathryns already died and come back to life at this point lmao GROW UP
after tom and b'elanna go through this bombastic scheme to lie to their friends and family involving belanna and miral "dying" in order to protect miral from prophecy this is the last straw for julia paris defending/forgiving her son for lying so much so she decides she needs to get custody of their children bc theyre unsafe in their care and b'elanna ends up hating her mother in law for it and tom goes to family law court and tom ends up winning and keeping his kids and its "kids" bc belanna's pregnant with their son at this time anyway they end up naming him MICHAEL which i guess is julia's father's name??? if i remember correctly lmao,,,,,, anyway i thought that was poor taste for the ordeal she put them through for no reason haha
the emh realizes he loves seven but through some long chain of events he has to erase his memories of her and him together (sad) she tries to rebuild their friendship afterwords ;___;
belanna asks kathryn if her and chakotay are ever going to have children and kathryns like "no lmao" and chakotay gets visually sad about it and then its never brought up again *PUNCHES WALL*
theres a scene where kathryn and chakotay skinny dip in an alien planet lake together at night like they slip out to go swim naked together IM FINE IM FINE IM FINE. that book also has chakotay admiring natty kathryn in her element on a planet doing scientific research and yknow just yearning looking at her and thats sooooooo cute
threshold gets mentioned by harry kim in the LAST voyager novel thank you amen
the doctor gets to meet again/interact with/say goodbye to kes in String Theory in a WAAAAAAAAAAY more poignant way. that trilogy is awesome i cant hype it enough LOL. kes also has a baby in that one,,,,,,,,,, and it also goes on to explain Fury,,,,,, and janeway in Night for that matter but thats really my only neg on those books is it gives explanation behind kathryn's melancholy and i thought it was unnecessary and also the books end with kathryn being unable to remember anything from the trilogy and thats cringe to me lmao bc u get a pretty epic JC nugget in the second book (((first bullet lol)))
i love infinity's prism - Places of Exile id recommend reading it if you are me and you love exploration of "JANEWAY GIVES UP" as a plot. :) one of my faves. its short and sweet, you get a JC (unborn) baby with a name and everything please clap. this book got me to actually like neelix/kes lmao A FEAT. i also get to indulge harry/b'elanna, even if its a little Toxic in this one U____U;;;;; kes and neelix have triplets named after characters who die/are dead in the book lol
ONE mirrorverse story for voyager has chakotay as captain and janeway as engineer, they are lovers, janeway ends up being evil and works for belanna (has some very wlw vibes lol) and hates humans. they (JC) end up killing each other. <3 janeway calls chakotay "chuckles" in it. the idea of engineer mean grouchy janeway is so BIOYIOYIOYIONG AWOOOOGA to me.
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cybermeep · 2 months
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as to not taint the humor of the millipede post, i say this separately and as its own sort of weird entry thing; today was not all that nice. if you somehow wish to read emotional ramblings then feel free below i suppose. this will all probably be very embarrassing & stupid & gone at a certain point
at first, it seemed to be fine; by all accounts, i felt normal. i was happy, content, neutral, what have you. near the end of first period, i felt a sudden and all encompassing sort of emotional pain which is hard to explain besides a knife in ones gut. i try to shrug it off, go back to normal; i listen to instructions of my teacher before i ask to sit outside. i proceed to bawl my eyes out silently.
and you may ask, WHY? and i ask the exact same thing! i have no clue why i suddenly break down like this, but i do, and its heavy and uncomfortable. i sob out of both guilt and intense emotions unable to be placed anywhere definitively. i sob because i don’t know what else to do, as trying to hold my emotions in has seemingly only made me sick thus far in the day.
i continue to cry for an uncomfortable amount of time i won’t disclose. a teacher who i enjoy greatly sits beside me in the hall; without even having to say the words aloud, i answer him. i talk quietly of things i remember and talk of how upset i feel; not mad upset, but sad upset. he seems confused on what too much of something would be. ive been wondering this for months. he asks if it was possibly seen as something more intimate. i say this could be likely and i feel far worse; i feel awful, actually. he runs off because hes a busy man. i think about our conversation and i feel overwhelmingly distressed. i feel sick. i feel as if ive ruined everything by accidentally implying something different then what i may mean. i dont enjoy the vague way certain events occur. i hate being vague, i hate not being able to read between the lines of things; vagueness scares me to a point of distress and acute worry, which is probably hypocritical.
i have to resort to one of the stupidest things ive imagined in a long time in order to not feel the overwhelming & all encompassing feeling of wanting to [REDACTED]; imagining myself as stanley from the stanley parable and being lectured about how this action would quote make the timeline collapse in on itself or quote ruin the game by the narrator. i can imagine his voice clearly in my mind saying STANLEY, YOU CAN’T SELF-IMMOLATE STANLEY, THAT WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR! something stupid like that. its odd that it helped.
i was fine, although i then proceeded to not be fine. got asked if i was okay. answered truthfully and said no. an acquaintance prompted me to talk about it with her, then simply.. left. had to find the girl she enjoys being with. she said she would find me later and talk about it; i really didn’t want to talk about it. i moved to put on my headphones then realized it was stupid & was already on the verge of tears again at simply the discussion from before & feeling like a circus animal being heavily scrutinized and laughed at under intense gaze. i get to class but i am overwhelmingly unable to do anything but cry.
i get to go to the library, but at the detriment to my friends. i text one and tell her i won’t be at lunch as im dealing with emotional distress and don’t want to quote, be a debbie downer. i am saddened at my actions; i wish i would’ve just went and talked with them, but i also don’t wish that i did because i hate distressing those i care about. i didn’t want to put more on my friends plates. i’d deal with it myself
of course, nothing is ever sound & calm for long; the area which i feel comfortable crying in is overtaken and i move uncomfortably. i am asked if im okay. i lie blatantly to a girl ive known as an acquaintance for years. i feel bad for lying; i don’t want her to worry about me. it wasn’t important, anyway. eventually i regain my composure and get back to class. it ends and i move on; as per usual, my mood fluctuates and i soon find myself worried sick and leaving her classroom.
i stay after although i know the chess club is cancelled for this week. i don’t like the change. its not as if im mad at the change, i just so desperately wanted to believe the days i dealt with before actually still accumulated to something i enjoyed. now the one thing i enjoy is off to not occur for next week, either; giving me very little to look forward to, if anything
i sit in the airlock. i write in my notebook a list of things someone would do before self-immolation. hypothetically, of course. maybe four or five things on it are actually things one would care about. one is to play a DLC, another is to finish a novel; one is to stay in order to see the cicadas arrive & to visit the cemetery in the spring like someone (fine, me!) mentioned weeks back that i wanted to do. its uncomfortable how the novel i enjoyed dearly was not one of the important things on the list.
it takes quite a lot to kill me, i think. kind of like a tick.
i’ll be fine; i always am. i think ive gotten better. im slowly feeling more and more sane again, although the stress puke is still prevalent. as ive lived on, its gone down to a point where i just gag; don’t puke. i enjoy documenting when i do feel things like this, strangely enough. having an archive of my life makes me feel sane. its also interesting to look back on.
thanks if you read this somehow, even after the warning of how stupid it would be. i appreciate you, hypothetical reader. i enjoy your hypothetical quiet company
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leclerced · 3 months
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HI! How are you??? im sorry ive been completely m.i.a,, its been a very busy holiday season, ive missed you 🫶🏼 please catch me up on how the universe played out i would love to know 🫶🏼
-👩‍🦯💋
hiii honey! i've missed you!! i hope it was a good busy and that you had lots of fun!! we haven't talked about them in awhile, and i haven't fully settled on what will happen in the fic universe, but i have a ton of thoughts! i'll tell u some of them
so i did the max fic, haven't posted any other fics. kind of got wrapped up blurb wise because i don't get asks about them very often. i think the last thing we talked about was how they spent winter break this year visiting each other's families and then holed up on a private island!
i think i might do daniel or oscar next, i honestly have not decided. i'm thinking it'll be over the course of a season, started with max and then at the next race, i'll bring in someone else, or do max again because they're comfortable with him? he wins and lando tells max to meet them in his hotel room later that night or something. and after that, he invites daniel or oscar.
we talked about oscar being boyfriend, but i've lowkey been contemplating max and daniel too, max because he's first and daniel because we talked about her being a seb girl so i was thinking she could be a redbull fan in general, and found danny in his redbull days when he was seb's teammate. it would become a running joke that she's dating a mclaren driver but is a redbull fanatic. also makes sense why she likes max so much.
i won't do a lot of angst, i liked when we talked about oscar becoming boyfriend and bunny is always sad because oscar leaves or sends her back to lando if they're alone and i love that idea a lot so i'll probably write that but may not be with oscar! that'll be like the most angst i write though, just mutual pining and them thinking the other is only in it for the sex.
it comes to an end at the end of the season when he basically tells the others involved that no one else is fucking her next season, lets them have one last night with her each then is like, "alright now she is my girlfriend and if i catch you flirting with her next season i will run you off the track, so don't."
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ankhisms · 1 year
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ok ep 49 live reactions and final overall series thoughts
good lord theyre going to just blast the entire world with a beam i guess. no wait the tv tower my god
i do love the zect trio team with kagami misaki and tadokoro it was a nice moment when they asked kagami if he was going to move straight forward and kagami said yes and then they defied their orders to arrest kagami and are with him now like YESSSSS
NOOOOO THEY HAVE TENDOU TWO AND THEYRE GONNA USE HIM FOR THEIR PLAN. HASNT HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH HAVENT YOU TORTURED HIM ENOUGH
hiyori getting her little apron waaaa
is kagami really dead. did kagami really just die. ok thank fuck hang in there kagami
STOPPED THE END OF THE WORLD WITH A SINGLE FLOWER THAT SYMBOLIZES HIS SISTER. GO TENDOU GO
OHHHHH THEY DONT ATTACK TENDOU WHEN THEYRE TOLD TOAND THEY TURN BACK INTO HUMANS
TENDOU TWOOOOOOOO
very good moment when all the zectors came to tendou
kagami and tendou doint the finishing blow together was also good ❤️❤️
im so sad about tendou two like. what a miserable life. im so sad
letting the zectors go ....
GO AWAY DAISUKE OUT WITH YOU BEGONE FROM THE CAFE FINAL REUNUON FOUL MAN
hiyori biking through the ginkgos im just so happy shes safe and living her life to the fullest AND JYUKA CALLS HER ONEECHAN THAT MADE ME SOB
god damn it kagami becoming a cop. absolute betrayal
OH HIS DAD IS ALIVE I GUESS?
AND TENDOU JUST FUCKS OFF TO FRANCE FOREVER ALRIGHT
alright final thoughts:
im very bad at ranking what my top 5 or top 10 kamen rider/toku in general shows are because almost all the shows ive seen have things i think are good and fun and i love them and enjoy them in different ways yknow! i dont think kabuto would be in my top 5 if i ever made a list, but i did really honestly enjoy kabuto. it took me a long time to watch it i think i mightve started watching it in 2021? maybe towards the end of the year im not sure but i know its been one ive been watching for a long time and i am very fond of the characters and i know ill continue to be fond of them in the future for sure, i had a fun time watching the show and seeing what bizarre nonsense happened to the cast
im not about to act like i understood kabuto overall and i know thats a common thing to say about the show which makes sense after watching it like lmao yeah i see why people might not like this or say it makes no sense because a lot of it didnt make sense to me either but the thing is throughout the show and especially towards the end i could like see the outline and vague shape of themes but i felt muddled in being able to fully understand those themes and feel like i didnt really in the end 100% get what those themes might have been trying to say beyond messages about humanity having the capacity for good and changing for the better and of course messages about family and love with tendou being so devoted to both kagami and his sisters. there for sure is a part of the show near the end where it feels like everything just kind of goes off the rails and things are just happening rather than any semblance of plot, but i did like the last episodes and the last battle was especially good, the one year later ending was a little confusing but overall i felt like the ending fit the show well enough. kamen rider kabuto is a show that i have watched and tendou is unkillable and although he is insufferable i do love him
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Do I know you?
(Set In an Au) Bree was J.D's Best friend,so she was very concerned when he seemed really distant. "Hey Jason, You okay..?" "Yeah..Its Just" He took a Deep Breath. "Im moving....today" "Your WHAT?, You cant!" Bree said. "Its my dad who says were moving, I don't decide, im so sorry Bree" His voice was on the brink of tears, which was the first time, he felt like this since his mom died. "Okay, Just please don't forget me" Bree said finding herself crying now. "I wont" J.D reached over, wiped the tears from Bree's eyes, cradled her face and kissed her. It was both of there first's. "Uh thanks Jason.." "Now i wont forget about you"
4-5 ish years later, Bee had forgotten about J.D and his Kiss. Now at 18 his life was full of trying to be a popular girl, (despite being trans) parties, football games and sleeping with jocks. J.D however had move back to Boulder, Colorado and was looking for the girl who had been his best friend and first kiss. He really missed her, He tried dating someone else..(but she kinda blew up, him off )but he didn't feel the same spark. It took him a minute, he almost didnt recognize bee but when he did, his heart stopped. Bee was so much more attractive then when J.D left him. He had spotted Bee talking to some girls, but he had never been one to care what people said about him. So he walked up to him and practically dragged him to an empty classroom. "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!" Bee protested as J.D dragged him. "LET GO!" Same ol' Bree J.D thought.
J.D plopped Bee on a desk, and started taking of his own trench coat and shirt. "Damn~! and Dude, I love hook-ups but i don't even know your name" "You don't?" J.D looked Sad "No,Sorry" "Its Jason.." "That dosnt ring a bell.." "I was your first kiss" "No, that was a sweet little kid, your a super hot man. "Well thank you, your not so bad yourself darling~" Bees face lit up like red christmas lights. "Wow uh heh um" He had been apologized for his body a million times but he was so attractive and made Bee feel good about himself. "Awww, Did i make you blush~?" J.D teased. Bee nodded, the memories of J.D had came flooding back to him and he prefered this J.D much more. J.D leaned down and started making out with bee, running his hand under Bees shirt. It was so much more mature then their first, but Bee also liked it more. "So do you rember me now~?" Bee nodded "Jason, i uh really liked it but" "But what?" "I have a boyfriend" "Thats okay.. Meet me at 12 am, Same house as last time i was here." He said, kissed Bee again then left.
Bee entered J.Ds room through his window "Heyyyyy Jason~" Bee sat on the foot of J.Ds bed and started taking off his clothes. Blush rose to J.Ds cheeks and he turned his face so he couldn't see Bee. But he looked just a little. "Bree-uh what are you doing?" "Two things, Since were friends..can you call me Bee?" "Yeah of course..why?" "Im trans." "Okay then Bee~ " J.D said running his hand through bees hair. "Whats the second thing?" He asked Bee. "Well uh i thought you wanted Sex." J.D shook his head "No, i mean not yet,well uh maybe. But I thought we could get rid of your boyfriend" "Jason, We cheat on each other all the time, I can just be with you" "No Bee, I want to Be with you, like in public, and everything, ive been waiting for years. Plus im Good at getting rid of people." "Okay Jason, i trust you" Bee leaned in and kissed J.D
Bee Led J.D to his boyfriends house and to their room. "Oh hey Bree" His boyfriend Said groggily. J.D didn't allow more talking. He pulled out a knife, slit Bees boyfriend wrists and shot him. Then Bee started sobbing "JASON, WHAT DID YOU DO?" "I Got rid of him." J.D picked up Bee, spun him around a little, and kissed him. "Welcome to Being my Boyfriend.
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un-pearable · 2 years
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ALRIGHTTT season 9 thoughts. this one wont be nearly as long as last time because honestly i dont have too much to say
um first things first i cant believe they killed the ultra dragon offscreen and nobody even made a comment on it. okay thanks ninjago writers. like i guess it died how it lived (aka completely irrelevant) but also.......... wow thats pretty brutal
jay losing his mind and completely giving up on life at the beginning of the season was really funny. i feel like this sums up lloyd & jay at the beginning of s9 pretty well
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this frame made me laugh really really hard. is it really that funny? ... ok honestly yes yes it is
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... and other important intellectual discussions that were had
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also the old tea lady is so funny. if shes dead im sad about it but this is ninjago so there is an at least 67% chance she will come back next season. its no wonder she and wu got along theyre basically the same person
i was also DELIGHTED by the fact that we got not one but TWO scenes of people who really deserve to be run over by a truck getting run over by a truck. the only way this couldve been improved is. okay because comedy comes in threes right. and, as much as i love him and as much as i know this is entirely 10000% not his fault, this season's garmadon really deserves to get run over by a truck. frankly. im not sure if it would help lloyds mental state any but who knows maybe he'd find it a little cathartic. but i am very pleased with what we got anyways.
regarding the oni thing with them being shapeshifters, i have a few questions. 1) can garmadon and lloyd and wu do it. i hope so. canonically im leaning towards no but in my heart i want it to happen at some point. 2) ok so you can shapeshift into other people / things / stuff that already exists. so my question is: can you mix and match. can you give yourself pointy teeth. can you make yourself a furry. im asking the real questions here.
the ninjago timeline continues to elude me. i feel like i make this comment every single season but its true. the old tea lady implies that garmadon and wu have been living for a very, very long time, but also they were young adults at the same time the elemental masters were. my questions are infinite and my answers are few. between how old lloyd is and how old the elemental masters are and how old wu and garmadon (and misako ?????????) are and how all of this fits into a coherent timeline, i havent the FAINTEST CLUE. the writers arent even trying and they werent from the beginning. in fact i would honestly argue that the timeline is the most confusing aspect about ninjago, which is saying a lot because frankly this show is very, very, very very very confusing. all the time.
if possible, ive become even more annoyed by the writers' inability to let lloyd lead for more than five minutes. theyre allergic to changing the status quo, frankly, which is why we're rehashing the entire first two seasons i guess. like literally we are rehashing it entirely except making tumblr user iratusmus more annoyed along the way. mainly because they've taken out what makes garmadon an interesting villain and made him bland and boring and im annoyed. but we've already gone through that. OH YEAH BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT
anyways so what i was trying to say is that now that wu has returned, we're walking back the past three seasons of lloyd and his kind of character development in regards to leading. because, like, s7 kickstarted an arc where lloyd is now put into a position of being the leader which he isnt prepared for and doesnt really want, but a responsibility he has nonetheless. they dont really resolve it by the end of the arc - lloyd's barely even relevant in the climax and his decisions as a leader certainly arent, but we're left assuming that this will get resolved next season... right? and the writers skip most of that by giving us a 1 year timeskip, but then give him a leadership crisis anyways so whatever i guess we're still going to do that, and then after we sort of resolve that, wu shows back up again with the ninja and immediately starts dishing out orders and lloyd goes back to not being the leader and its just. well. what was the point of all that then? but also as stated previously, thats mostly just these past two seasons in a nutshell. what was the point of all that then. because we are, again, rehashing. the first part of the series. but whatever.
im also still sad about the noticable lack of oni teeth on garmadon or lloyd but like. whatever. fine. im not bitter (<- bitter)
so yeah thats my season 9 thoughts. coulda been worse, probably. it was fine. i miss lloyds old hair. thas about it
ah, the good ol ridiculously overpowered plot device that gets wordlessly shelved when they arbitrarily need them not to use it... we will miss you greatly (until the latest season finishes pulling off whatever bs its heading for given the sets)
... i have heard much about s9 jay and ngl im excited. he's fascinatingly messy as a character im looking forward to it. he deserves a bit of a breakdown i think. good for him. lets him pioneer a whole new way of being annoying. quoting someone from the tags of one of my jay posts but yeah being annoying is a character win actually.
it IS that funny asdkfjksdfj. the shot composition on this show is either painfully bad or utterly hilarious and kudos to the storyboard artists having to work within the lego constraints either way. the return of garmadon's sewing skills... ty. wu deserves his thematic counterpart in mistake. he also deserves to finally learn how to make good tea. the fact that hitting people with trucks is its own whole trope is just delightful. congrats to movie knuckles for joining their ranks.
they SHOULD. you are asking the important question its a damn shame they didn't capitalize on it. lloyd deserves to have one of those goofy episodes where someone finds out they can shapeshift and gets stuck in increasingly confusing and hilarious forms. he also deserves to fuck with his friends and change minor things and pretend he's always had them. what do you mean the tail's new.
i'm an annoying cole leadership truther but yeah,, yeah. at the very least commit to it. if you're aiming for lloyd to be the leader all the time rehashing the exact same arc over and over is both boring and?? squandering it?? there is SO MUCH potential for arcs beyond the initial can-they-lead and i know we're allergic to change in this writers room but cmon. once again a very comic-y trope and it does not work here just as much as it does not work there, though I do think going yj1998's route of having an episode dedicated to an over-the-top election full of sloppy handmade promotional merchandise where the fans get to vote for what team member they want would be an undeniable win. especially bc it would definitely go exactly how yj1998's did where a bunch of people voted for impulse despite him not being on the ballot. i want to see ninjago fandom rally around dareth as team leader it'd be great.
i definitely lost the plot there. anyway uh. fanart ideas aside. extremely correct. you are right to be bitter im right there with you. the loss of lloyd's hair (and the symbolism of him and garmadon sharing the same mold) is immense.
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petorahs · 1 year
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Mmmh for me personally its because some characters seemed to regress. Yes yes, the death of a close friend can do that, but I think Yukari felt especially nerve tearing to me. Girl you had so much focus in the game and your resolution was hrartwarming and then you make a 180 and crash and burn??? When I see people complain its usually "Yukari" from what i personally saw. In itself I dont hate the Answer. I like the concept and in itself I like the story, I also like that it devlves into every characters past and their drive, but I guess for me it wad def the infighting and Yukaris behavior. But then again it has been 500 years since I played The Answer. Maybe as an adult I will see things differently. I can just remember that it felt for some characters like a very welcome addition and closure to the storx while others acted like theit development in the main game was eradicated for pointless drama.
But that is just me I don' t mean to offend you QAQ
BWAH hey there im only just getting to this because real life has been holding me hostage. thanks for shooting me a message!
yeah ive been seeing the "character regression" argument a lot. usually also by those who've last played the answer when they were like... 12 (like my friend!). which is wild to me as someone who's played like a month ago. but anyway. I have to agree that the infighting and drama had to be there to serve a narrative purpose but there's another reason why I felt it was necessary.
tw // suicide allegory mentions
it was also there to show the fallout of a friend group after one of them decides to kill themselves.
i appreciated that the answer showed one of the most realistic writing i've seen from a video game. when the friends fought over whether to redo makoto/minato's death, it felt like a gut punch. would you bring back a friend from death, or respect their choice? did they really have a choice? it's especially sad when you consider that the characters don't have player foresight and genuinely didn't know the causation of makoto's death. their last memories of him was him sacrificing his entire life for the sake of humanity (which they remembered last second), and of passing him by the school hallway sometimes. to them, nothing outwardly could have indicated anything was wrong. then he died. who wouldn't be distraught? who wouldn't ask 'why'? or feel a little guilty?
in regards to yukari's "character regression", we do have to ask ourselves: what was her character development in the main story anyway? how characters in persona 3 develop 90% of the time ties back into the theme of death and accepting loss. aki with shinji, ken with his mom (+shinji), mitsuru with her (admittedly not even close) father, heck, even the social links deal with death like sun and moon S.Links.
in yukari's case, it was her father. how she accepts his death is by learning of the truth behind it, and deciding what to do from there. it goes kinda like: her feeling depressed that her father's gone -> hating the dark hour -> learning that he was the one that created the dark hour -> feeling guilty about it -> learning the truth again -> her resolve to end the pain that is the dark hour to honor her father's dying wish.
grossly simplified, but that's the gist of it!
that's in the journey. knowing all of this, it's perfectly in line to believe she would act the way she does in the answer. none of the events in the journey really equipped her with the means to grieve a death like makoto's.
you can notice that yukari takeba's crucial character pivot moments happen when she has concrete reasoning behind death of a loved one. a post-mortem letter. a video tape (faked). another video tape. she's very girlish in that items like these to remember people by are important to her. something to touch and to hold and to feel close to the loved one as she sits in her room... something to guide her. an answer.
yukari had None of that for makoto. he simply disappeared from their lives no explanation, left them all in the dark. all they had to do, or could do, was suck it up and live their lives as best they could (none of them could). she was so eager to 'move on' from makoto's death because since they eradicated the dark hour, everything should be fine, right? no more persona bullshit. but then she's called back to the dorms and comes face-to-face with what she was running from... it's easy to see why she caved in on herself. acting all cold and dismissive, it was all a coping mechanism towards her grief over makoto.
and to undo/mitigate that grief by bringing him back to life... by actually giving him a choice or at least knowing why he made that choice... and somehow finding another way out... who wouldn't jump for that chance?
because yukari takeba is nothing if not pragmatic, and able to seize what she wants no matter the cost. even at the expense of the friendships she already has.
(the resolution, of course, is that said friendships she already has is enough. even at your lowest point,... a shoulder or two to cry on is enough. it always is.)
that's why i think yukari's character was refreshing in the answer. it always is really, i love yukari a lot! the writers didn't care to make her a palatable 'waifu' and makes her be at odds with the other characters (even the protag!) and because of that she is best lovers arcana girl out there.
i find that none of the character writing in persona games are done haphazardly. especially in p3 where things are never black-and-white. i also played as an adult and i can see why teens playing the answer the first time would feel annoyed by the characters a lot. initial feeling-based judgements like that can carry on to the present and who am i to convince majority of the playerbase otherwise lol. seems hard to.
god i could go on and on about yukari and literally anything else about p3 but this has been long enough LMAO mb. also no offense taken, man! and don't take me as really debating you on this but rather comparing notes yknow? because of that i'd like to hear you or anyone else's thoughts whether they're disagreements or otherwise. because if there's anything p3 or more specifically the answer taught me, is that disagreements between friends really isn't the end of the world but how you progress :thumbsup:
have a good day o7 and thanks if you made it this far
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wooahaes · 2 years
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follow up to the fire emblem ask 😵‍💫 yes i found another blog who likes fire emblem and seventeen ! i won everyone !! ps sorry for the mini rant i got excited
anyways … let me tell you that the conquest route of fates was something! (i got sad) and then third dlc route revelation, writing was confusing but eh its dlc im not mad. i’m trying to find a way to get birthright soon so i can finally play that path.
ALSO TELL ME WHY I ALSO KEPT UNITS AWAY FROM OTHERS SO THEY COULDNT PAIR 😭. like i play as a f!unit so i kept her away from everyone but like one character so they had to be together. i personally did chrom and sumia just bc everyone said but i also chrom has funny supports and i heard his support with sully is sweet.
i actually talked to one of my moots abt someone making a video game based smau, they asked me to do it but im not at that level yet… but then fire emblem popped into my head. like the class system is so cool and usually connected to the type of person the characters are! i kept trying to see which members of seventeen + other idols would fit into each class role. sorry i got carried away 😅
hi lovely <3 no need to be sorry! i like talking abt stuff that makes ppl happy
god yeah i can imagine. i remember getting sad over birthright too :( i played through most of conquest and revelations tbh but its been like. at least a year or two so my memory's pretty foggy lmao i just remember not liking jakob
im always like "stay away until i get ppl married and then u can pair up however tbh" (still pairs married couples or parents w their kid bc i think them working together is cute).
god... i feel bad but im not a huge fan of sumia as a unit. some ppl say she's great but she always goes down so easily for me. i cannot imagine playing the game on classic. chroms support w sully is v sweet tho! if i wasnt trying to get lucina some specific skills from olivia, i probably would have pushed chrom with sully. they arent optimal according to a lot of ppl, but their supports would make up for it <3
ngl with this playthrough though ive had my f!unit like. sticking around multiple men to get the supports up to A so that i can figure out who i wanna romance......... homie i didnt expect for so many of them to have cute supports??? gaius's is cute (im p sure he calls the mc "bubbles" regardless of gender but i like his nicknames for ppl dsfkhdsf + his sweet tooth is endearing to me), stahl being the kind of person who looks out for people is sweet, lon'qu slowly growing more used to f!unit and being kind of endeared by her... and also henry just being the weirdo he is ksfdhdsf like ??? how am i supposed to pick. i mentioned it but i managed to get inigo (my favorite slutty man /hj) last night and his supports w f!unit are also kind of cute? just him going from a skirtchaser to trying to be more conscious of everyone else around him and taking care of ppl... ugh hes sweet <3
also last night i realized that olivia sparkles. like ??? girl straight up sparkles. i love that for her dskfhsdf also someone asked me if u have the option to be gay in awakening and im like NO bc god i love cherche and sully... and also lissa... and also maribelle... theres so many pretty women :(
ooo a video game based smau would be so fun... if i could do it, i would since theres like. so many games w so much potential there. i've had a vague idea for a life is strange-esque au (mc with powers dealing w that, basically) and since im already writing a one-shot w felix... idk, it just feels like a fun idea to play with. my go-to would be 3 because its the only game w a viable male love interest, sorry warren and whatever the guy from 2 was i love 3 the most and like ngl a smau would be an interesting way of doing it...
ooo do you have any thoughts on who would be in what role? i'd love to hear them! i talked with an anon about it a while back but i'd have to go find those asks bc i admittedly can't remember anything we picked out rn :(
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angustully · 6 months
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if you like to read about other ppls drama and problems
feels sad to say this and reflect on it during my 7 hr bus ride home today but i just dont feel like i had a good quality time with my friend quinn this weekend.. it was a short visit for sure so i wish we couldve spent more time together but also i got on the bus this morning feeling completely fine that i didnt have to stay any longer. which makes me feel so shitty but its like.. my friend is going through a breakup and basically has been for months now since june im pretty sure which for me personally its like my friendship kryptonite. when a friend is having relationship trouble of any kind i have no idea how to be a supportive friend because unfortunately yes i am the "break up with them" friend. and right now all i think he should do is ACTUALLY separate himself from her and set some fucking boundaries and not talk to her for a long time, instead of what he did over the weekend which is go to a party he knew she would be at because theyre still friends with all the same people and then also basically ditch me in the middle of rhe party to be with her all night when he knew i didnt know anybody but him and the host. sooo yeah idk that kinda sucked. the thing is too ive been friends with him for 5 years now and ive like hardly interacted with the girlfriend shes nice enough but i dont know anything about her just that she seems to also be going through some shit right now which is why i think they broke up (and should stay broken up!!!). but before rhe party on saturday quinn was like "is it gonna be weird for you to see my ex at this party?" and i almost laughed because like. why the fuck would i care gjdkdh do you hear yourself?? no the only weird part was you acting like i wasnt there after 2 hours. luckily im so charming and easy to talk to and managed to meet some of his friends hes been telling me about for years (and yet hardly bothered to introduce me to anyone) and it wasnt the best night but it wasnt horrible either. and i feel for him i do but at the same time we have completely different personalities when it comes to this shit bc when i am done with someone not even romantically but like friendships too i am capital D done, i dont want them back in my life and i want my space from them so i can actually think about what happened and move on. instead he got so drunk i had to drive us home when ive never driven a car in chicago before and he was just being maudlin about the fact that him and his ex werent leaving together. and then he asked me 800 times if i had a good time at the party and every time i lied and said yes but what the fuck else am i gonna say, that im too old and have always been too lame for parties with loud music and weed and more than 6 people in attendance? i want to help my friend i can tell hes really not in a great place right now but i also dont think he wants to be helped he just wants his fucking girlfriend back and he cannot see that that will do him no good now or in the long run. fucking christ i dont know. rocky horror was fun. the queers there all loved my orville peck costume so that was nice. and i was one of three winners of the costume contest and as a prize they gave me a button that says GIRL DICK 🤠👍
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blackvail22 · 7 months
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9/25/23
10:25am -
i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.
my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...
a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.
i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!
im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!
10:17pm
news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol
yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!
i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance
im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?
i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.
am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.
i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.
im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.
i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.
i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.
being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane
like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?
okie song song time
this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me
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ketamine is NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART (ty rat priest)
ladyfag is a kute venue w lots of kute boyz and u n ur friend dance on stage cuz why not. the dj puts the lights on u and ur friendz n sweat drip drops from ur head down to ur body and it feels holy. dirty magazine party is nxt and there's a human carpet who is coercing people into his kink to step on him like a carpet n gets mad when u ask him if he's ok so u get on him with ur 5 inch platforms and jump ttwice. cobra snake is snapping pix of everyone and the girl who u met a vivienne westwood last week tells u she likes ur kitty kat ears and u blush. u meet a girl that looks like the reincarnation of SOPHIE and spiel ur lil spiel ab how she changed ur entire life n stance on music/started ur party life. she asks to kiss u after and u let her. <3
ugh sigh eek ugh sigh eek meh blah ugh ooof. mi head is spinning and the come down from molly is never fun. found myself being v suicidal. wrote this cuz i wuz eating chicken wings and sad.
"im sucking the meat out of my teeth from the gaps in between. i used to pull my teeth when they started becoming loose and make sure they fell out the same day, i did it cuz i wanted the tooth fairy to make my wishes come true, to be in a loving family, to be happy. there's a gap from this tooth i pulled when i was 12 or so, it healed unevenly , so every time i eat meat it gets stuck in between ."
i've been talking so much lately i've lost my voice.
u leave dick appointment hungry af from burning all the calories dancing and almost k holing but u mentally pushed urself out of it, didnt think that was possible but ketamine is not for the faint of heart or mentally weak. kiss ur friend goodbye n r craving ur fav hangover food. u walk to the bodega and ignore the weird unwarranted comments from touristy men with boring flannels and cargo pants who just seem so fascinated every time they see someone who looks like a lil lolita goth. IDK why these tourists r hangin in bushwick, plz go to midtown or the upper east side so u can compare credit scores. u walk back to ur apt and BOOM. right underneath ur 400 dollar new new rocks u feel a MF LIFT and on top of that u hear a DEATHLY SQUEAL. yep. the sound of black metal REEEEEE's on loop. [also, EW if u ONLY ever cry while listening to dying fetus , get help. ] u just accidentally stepped on a fucking rat. but they just ran away underneath a car. yr convinced the rats here r superhuman or something like they have GOT to go to mandatory rat church or something underground with their sundays best and all give their tithes n offerings to RAT PRIEST to get this anti kryptonite. alana from broad city talked about RAT BASTARD [which is personally one of my greatest fears, never forget how i fking lost sleep for 2 whole days when i found a tiny mouse in my apartment a month ago, one time seeing it run across my clothing rack in the middle of the night, me responding by SCREAMING and running down my second story floor barefoot and out tha door] but id like to get to know RAT PRIEST. what does he wear, what do his sermons consist of, why do i even think hes a he. ive come so far as a nonbinary person and even helping build an anti-christian club at my christian college,writing a MF poetry book ab my deconstruction of God our Father into God our Mother. i hate the patriarchy and how its framed my sense of power insuch a male perceived worldview. speaking of men.
i am DONEEEE dating musicians and BOYS FROM UPSTATE!!!!!! ive been gaslit by 3 of them this year and its barely june?!?! why pollute something so beautiful n pure like music with a fragile ego!? ive never understood how that could happen…but imNOT stupid. tha softest boys are tha softest manipulators. DUH. i get having energy restless AF to create, express N give but how can U allow the round of applause n medal to corrode tht inner beauty?? or hold urself in so much pride they r stuck in karmic loops. but im no better cuz i never seem to learn either believing they actually think im special too. ive given sm love n attention away from myself lately n these ways of communicating w these kinds of ppl dont feel genuine when u are left empty handed. but NY was never a great place for ppl to date anyway. u find like minded ppl who connect to and they have reservations n avoidances. but falling in luv n getting hurt always happens without a warning.
PLZ PLZ PLZ RAT PRIEST dont let me fall for another musician!! ill bring u 12 bacon egg n cheeze's on cinnamon raisin TOASTED lightly with a side of coffee LITE N SWEET. PLZ RAT PRIEST i know ur there, omnipotent being. that sees the smol ones underneath ur the fluffy clouds u lay on in haven, i kno ur listening. PLZ RAT PRIEST, luv is worth going into a furnace of 1,000 flames for!! i just want pure luv. and if it's in u, u'll b the only boy ill ever be on mi knees 4 EVER again. [kross mi heart hope 2 die.]
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dunadaan · 2 years
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bruh i dont think the highest dose of lexapro is gonna ease the anxiety of living at home with my dad...i wish i had the courage and the means to just up and leave and never talk to him again. i know my life would be better for it and i’d be so much happier. but i’ve always been the soft one. my older sister cut him off bc she’s always been independent, and she also never had to worry and never cared about me or my younger sister and just fucked off. my younger sister lives with my mom and wont see my dad except for his birthday and christmas- it used to be every other weekend but he blew up and finally went over the edge to the point where he cant see her without court ordered therapy which he refuses to do.
which just leaves me, the daughter left behind and the one too scared but desperate to leave. but ive lived in this house all my life, i dont want to leave my cat. i dont want to be guilt tripped and i dont want him to be alone, but i cant be his emotional support. i genuinely dont care about him but also i do. i feel like if i leave and ignore him he’ll kill himself and honestly maybe he needs to. im always gaslighted into feeling like i’m the bastard and he’s the victim and woe is him. i just listened to him scream and smash a printer for the last 10 minutes and then storm into my room and scream at me for being the one to make it not work in the first place. . every moment he’s in the house and awake i pray he doesnt come in my room. i freeze at his footsteps and the sound of his truck pulling up. my day is over at 4pm when he comes home bc i have to basically hide and avoid him. conversations with him are impossible and usually devolve into politics or something that sets him off instantly.
knowing that he’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder has helped me understand his actions a lot more but it doesn’t make me feel any safer or feel pity towards him. more the opposite- he chose to quit taking medications and it cost him everything. honestly like.....sorry if this makes me a bad person but it would be easier for everyone if he just honestly dropped dead. yeah i’d feel sad for a while but christ the burden of having to keep up with him or talk with him or pretend to care is so stressful. i shouldnt have to literally stop breathing every time he walks by or screams or cusses. like i’m 25. i’m an adult and yet still feel like i’m 5 except there’s no one here to protect me but me. i could ask to stay at a friends house or something but it would just make him blow up at me and want to talk which i dont want either. its better to sit still and stay quiet and talking back never works or defending yourself bc he’s always right. it’s better to just sit in the dark and pretend you don’t exist and pray he doesn’t remember i’m home.
it’s also why i’m scared to leave college. i have excuses not to be home, and work doesnt keep me busy when im home, but homework does. idk.........my trip to spain next year cant come soon enough. 
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