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livingemkayde · 10 months

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ch i. chaser

joel miller x f!reader x unrequited!tommy miller

chapter one of chaser

warnings: 18+. minors please dni. smut. semi public (kissing) and if you count the bathroom inside a bar. unprotected p in v. dom!joel. a bit of an age gap that's implied but never touched on much (reader might be 22/23 ish and joel is maybe 35/40 in this). no use of y/n!

a/n: lil teeny teeny tiny one shot that i've been thinking about alot and needed to get down on paper! cant help myself when it comes to a cliffhanger ending. Hope you enjoy hehe <;3 (not related to my dbf!joel mini series at all! but working on the fourth part soon 😀)

if you would like to read more of mine: masterlist!

Getting fucked against the door of a bar bathroom was not on your plans for the night — but your panties were ruined at his first glance. “Fuck, knew you'd be perfect,” he says into your ear, grabbing at your ass. You hear him pump himself a few times before rubbing the tip of his cock through your weeping folds. “Gonna ruin you,” he moans when his tip catches your entrance...

"Cheers!”

You throw your glass towards your friend, Olivia, sitting across from you in some dingy bar in downtown Austin, Texas.

"Cheers," you say back to her — kinda half heartedly — you don't know if it's something you should be cheersing about.

"C’mon — live a little?" She pleads with you.

"I know, I know. I'm just — I don't know — nervous?”

"It's normal to be nervous. I think it'll be something good for you though," she says while peering around the bar.

You down the shot. It's the first of many. Even though you know you have your interview first thing tomorrow morning.

"There she is!" Your friend says enthusiastically, while you grimace at the bite the vodka leaves in your throat.

"I need a chaser — fuck," you manage to get out before coughing and leaving your stool and her behind.

Babysitting.

Well, the ad really said nannying, but, you're a glorified babysitter.

Fresh from college with an English degree under your belt and you're — babysitting.

Not really what you had in mind for your post grad life, but you needed the money, desperately. And at least this way, you didn't have to work 12 hour shifts for minimum wage. And you could hang out with a cute kid for a couple hours.

You were nervous, but after looking for a job for so long, and finally getting a call back, you needed this.

And it was your friend, Olivia, who dragged you out to a bar to celebrate your interview — not even job.

You approach the bar, leaning against it to whisper into the bartender’s ear that you needed a chaser, your hands finding the wood while you dig your nails in there.

You thank the bartender graciously, bringing the cup to your lips while turning around simultaneously.

When you move to walk back towards Olivia, you bump into something — no — someone.

"Sorry, darlin’,” a deep voice draws your eyes from your chaser sloshing around a bit in your hand to dark eyes looming over you.

You look up and see a handsome man — maybe a bit on the older side — but you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t think he was hot. But this is not the time for anything. Not with a very, very important interview looming right around the corner.

You try to brush it off and move back towards Olivia.

“‘S alright,” you mumble out when your eyes meet his, he stands a good head over you, his Carhartt jacket fits snug around his biceps – he just looks…good.

You give him a small smile goodbye, but he catches your hand.

“Can I get you ‘nother?" He asks, his eyes twinkling under the soft string lights attached to the ceiling of the bar.

Maybe you're so entranced by his broad stature, or his dark drawl, or the glint in his eyes, but you don’t really register what he's asking.

"What?" You reply back dumbly.

He chuckles a bit, the warm sound of it overtaking your breath.

He gestures down to your hand where your chaser stands half spilled.

“Your drink,” he says with a smirk on his face.

He waves down the bartender and asks him to give you another.

When it comes, he takes the cup out of your hand and replaces it with a fresh one. When his fingers brush, yours, your heart skips a beat.

"There," he says finally — while his other hand squeezes your forearm. The skin under his fingertips burn.

You don't know what's gotten into you, maybe it's the shot already rooting itself in your system, or the thought that this could be your last night of fun — but you look at him through your lashes and ask — tentatively —

“What did you say your name was?”

Hook.

“I didn’t, sweetheart,” he looks at you, his arm stretches out to brace his hand against the bar — caging you in.

“Oh — sorry. Thought you might've…never mind,” you reply sheepishly, showing him a smile.

“You wanna know my name?”

“Only if I get to ask you two questions,” you play with the cup, leaning closer to him, “and I'm not sure you're ready for that.”

Line.

“Think I might be,” he leans in, whispering to your ear over the roar of the crowd. “Gimme your worst.”

Sinker.

You raise your glass in his direction, prompting him to give you his name.

“Joel.”

You don't know why that name sounds extremely familiar. But you chalk it up to being slightly drunk and his musky scent filling your nostrils makes the tell tale stickiness between your legs blossom.

“Joel,” you test on your tongue. Something about this guy is intriguing to you. Maybe it was all a game at first but when his eyes flick between your eyes and your lips — you aren't sure if it's a game anymore.

“Nice to meet you,” you say. He flashes you a gruff smirk.

“You buy all the girls you ‘bump into’ at bars drinks?”

Joel’s closer — if possible. He smells woodsy and he can't keep his damn eyes off your lips.

“Nah,” he smiles, looking back into your eyes, “Just the pretty ones.”

You shouldn't blush as hard as you do.

Somewhere between all the looks and flirting your hand finds his chest, resting above his heart.

“You think I'm pretty?” you reply with a teasing look.

“Don’t get cocky now,” he bites back.

Honestly, whatever you were thinking about before Joel was thrown out the door at the sound of his rich drawl. Now all you can think is him — the whiskey on his breath, his hands finding your waist, and him leaning down — closer.

You look down to his lips — surrounded with gruff facial hair that you really want to run your fingers through. You don’t care about anyone else at the bar. You don’t even remember you came here with Olivia. Not when he stalks forward, leaning in so you whisper into his ear —

“Kiss me?” in a hushed tone only he can hear.

He leans back a bit to stare at your face, a knowing smirk already playing on his lips.

“You only had two questions.”

Caught a fucking live one.

“Kiss me,” you rephrase — a declaration, a statement, or even a demand — not a question.

“There you go,” he growls before ducking his head down to kiss you. It's a little rough — his movements. But he's gentle with his lips. Joel grabs your face with one hand, the other finding purchase on your hip while squeezing hard.

You moan into the kiss which has you blushing. You didn't mean to sound so desperate for a man you just met. You get even louder when his thigh slots itself between yours — your skirt hikes up a bit, his jeans rutting against your core.

You feel him smirk against your lips at that.

“Joel—” you whimper when he ducks his head to place heavy kisses on your neck.

“Bathroom,” he groans before giving you a quick peck and stepping away from you with a darker look in his eyes. Your thighs clench in anticipation.

You let him saunter through the crowd towards the restrooms.

Fuck, what is happening? You're not even that drunk. He just tastes intoxicating and a bit sweet to your surprise and you want more. You know what will happen if you follow him in there, and there's really no hesitation as you down another shot, chug your chaser and disappear into the crowd.

You knock on the door to the bathroom and it opens almost immediately.

Joel pulls you inside, pressing you up against the door until it closes. He's on you immediately — pulling down the straps of your top, exposing skin, hiking up your skirt to reveal panties.

He groans when his fingers feel the wetness through cotton. You moan into his mouth.

“Been watchin’ you all night,” he whispers into your ear, you snake your hand down at his words, feeling him through denim — your fingers threaten to tug at his zipper, “Pretty girl…”

“Fuck — please —” you whine at the feeling of his length but he cuts you off.

“Say my name,” he says — already tugging down the zipper on his jeans, freeing himself, and pushing your panties to the side with his other hand.

“Joel — jesus —”

He flips your body with strong hands on your hips.

You bet you look fucked out. Your shirt, halfway pulled off your body, with an open mouth and eyes dusted with lust as you moan out a name you just met ten minutes ago.

Joel presses you against the door, your hands find purchase in the wood, clawing at the flat plank.

Getting fucked against the door of a bar bathroom was not on your plans for the night — but your panties were ruined at his first glance.

“Fuck, knew you'd be perfect,” he says into your ear, grabbing at your ass. You hear him pump himself a few times before rubbing the tip of his cock through your weeping folds.

“Gonna ruin you,” he moans when his tip catches your entrance but he pauses there.

“Please, Joel —” you whine and he sinks in more. The stretch leaves you speechless, you whine incoherent nonsense to him. He groans and fights the urge to dive in.

“Beg me,” he mumbles.

“What?” You can't really hear much over the ringing in your ears.

“You want it? Beg,” he demands through gritted teeth.

That's new.

But you aren't complaining by any means.

“P-please I—” You're flushed now.

“You what?” He inches out this time, you moan at the loss.

“I n-need you — god — please, Joel.”

“Fuck. You want it like this? Up against the door? Where anyone can hear you?” He slides back in, almost enough.

“Yes — yes, please. God, please,” you beg, balling your fists and biting your lip.

He complies, surprisingly, sinking into you without hesitation while mumbling a small needy under his breath. You almost scream at the feeling and he has to cover your mouth with his hand in response.

The stretch is almost too much. But somehow it feels nice to be pressed against the door — the pressure getting to an all time high. You could be screaming — saying anything and you wouldn't be able to tell. Everything seems fuzzy around his girth when he starts pumping in and out of you.

With each slam of his hips you get pushed further into the door, your cheek resting against the wood while his hand wraps around yours, pinning you down.

“Fuck — so fuckin’ tight,” he groans into your skin.

You aren’t gonna last long — you make that much known — whimpering to him over your shoulder.

“Joel — I’m-I’m not gonna —”

“I know baby, I know.”

He cages you in — chasing after his own orgasm.

“Doin’ so good for me,” he groans, “Made for me.”

That sends you over the edge. You get impossibly tight around him and he clamps down on your mouth when you cry out in bliss. He doesn’t let up. Even when you relax around him — spent.

“Jesus,” his hips stutter as he moans into the back of your head with an open mouth.

“Inside — please,” you whimper through your overstimulation.

You moan at the feeling of his hips punching faster even though he’s dead silent, chasing his high.

You think he might pull out and you really want him to stay in.

“‘M on the pill — Joel,” you moan but he pushes you harder into the door, squeezing your hand tight when he comes inside you.

You can feel the hot stickiness of it roll through you — coating your walls. He only lets out a few grunts and moans — mostly stoic behind you.

When Joel pulls out, he spins you around and kisses you. You aren’t sure how you don’t slump to the floor. But a buzzing from your phone knocks you both out of it.

Olivia.

You answer quickly.

Hello?? Where the hell are you?

“Sorry Liv! I got caught up in the bathroom. Give me a second,” you give him a knowing look but he waves you off, fixing your shirt and pulling down your skirt.

When you hang up, he kisses you again.

“I gotta go,” you mumble to him reluctantly. He’s still running his hands along your body — his lips ghosting your shoulder.

“Friend?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I see you again?” he says.

You almost let the unconscious no, sorry slip from your lips but you think about it. You really do — and you want to see him again too.

“Yeah,” you echo, giving him a small smile before handing him your phone to put his contact in.

Joel shoves it back into your hand after typing it in. He opens the door, motioning for you to step out first.

Hm. You note.

Gentleman.

“Thanks,” you mumble. You’re about to leave, but he catches your arm, spinning you around before landing a soft kiss on your lips one last time.

“See you soon,” he whispers.

Miller.

The name stares back at you — etched into the mailbox.

You rub your hands on your pants to rid them of the sweat. You have no idea why you’re so nervous. You didn’t get good sleep last night, the hangover creeping into your early morning, making you run a bit late.

But fuck it.

You needed this job.

And people like you. Right?

You hope that much as you make your way to the front door. You also hope this family will be nice — and you pray to god you get the fucking job.

You knock tentatively and hear a small voice mixed with a gruff one, coming to the door.

You do see Joel soon. Way too fucking soon.

Because he stares back at you when the door swings open, accompanied by a young girl.

He’s speechless.

You both are.

ch ii. wild things

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rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me · 10 months

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i love to imagine the boys with a friend who’s parents own a ranch, or just being on a ranch. it feels like it’d be adorable chaos.

Dally is afraid of horses. he can’t stand them BUT cause he always wants to seem all tough and cool and whatever he always helps feed the cattle (which happens to be at the top of a field and you can only take the horses there. over time he warms up to the horse he normally takes and after a while you can see him just riding it around the ranch for fun. he’s still afraid of all other horses though

Darry would do anything that needs strength of course, like carrying feed bags n stuff. he’d be great help. he’d also probably make snacks for everyone at least 4 times a week. darry just loves to bake ok? leave him be.

Two-Bit is probably my favourite. he doesn’t mind horses and will go out to the stables every once in a while, he likes to brush them and braid their manes. his favourite are the dogs though, im imagining you have maybe 3 dogs? something like a collie, working dogs yk? either way you can find two running around with them, then lying in the grass while they attack him with hugs n stuff. UGH I CANT TWO IS SO ADORABLE.

you won’t see soda during a day at the ranch. the first day he was there he claimed a horse and every time he’s there now him and this horse spend the day together. he takes it out on a walk or whatever it’s called, brushes it and feeds it a few sugar lumps. at the end of the day don’t be surprised to find them in some field asleep, both of them, soda probably uses the horse as a pillow.

Ponyboy isn’t a big fan of being out on the ranch all day but he won’t mind it so much if there’s a big tree somewhere. he’ll sit under it and read a book or he’ll paint the view. he enjoys that more than the being out doing work or being out on the horses. though he might pop into the stables to draw some of the horses, maybe to a field to draw the cows too.

Steve spends the day on the tractor or something. need the grass cut? steve’s on it! need a field ploughed? steve does that too. Need to bring some feed up to the cattle really far away? you guessed it, steve! he just loves driving, but i do think he’d spend some time with two and the dogs, as well as some time with the cattle. i feel like if it was the time of year where there’s some calves on the ranch he’d be out there, and he’s really gentle with them too which shocks most people since he’s so energetic.

and johnny,, i’m sorry i can never think of anything for johnny i just don’t really like him 😭 but he and pony would be similar, he’d sit under a tree and watch everyone, or maybe he’d be trying to figure out a book. i think that if you asked for a hand with anything he’d be on the job though. maybe he’d make y’all some lemonade if it’s a hot summer day, you never know.

i have a lot of thoughts and i just love them.

If there’s one thing I’m passionate about, it’s cowboys and ranching. Take a seat, get a drink. This is gonna take a while

Dally’s problem with the horses is that his cool, tough guy act doesn’t work with them. They don’t care who he thinks he is, they’re just horses and they act how they wanna act. This man makes friends with one horse, totally horse girl style. It’s gonna be that one trouble horse that nobody else could bond with. Dal gets to where he can feed that horse sugar cubes out of his hand and the horse chews on his sleeves. Anyone else gets close to that horse? They’re gonna get kicked to kingdom come. But not Dal. He likes the cows. Will not offer to help milk if that needs to be done, but is willing to feed and likes to pat their heads, right between their ears

I just wanna say, I regularly carry 50lb bags of chicken feed by myself and those suckers are awkward to carry. If you lug feed, you’re strong. Also. DARRY IN A COWBOY HAT. DARRY IN A COWBOY HAT. He’s the most helpful around the ranch, honestly. Does most of the cooking. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He’s up with the sun and likes to stand on the porch with a cup of coffee and watch the cattle move around the fields. Listen, that man could bake for me any day. I’d buy him anything he wanted if it meant a chocolate cake waiting for me at the end of the day-

Two-Bit is my favorite and you’re literally so right. He’s into the horses, but he hates sitting in the saddle all day long. He’ll do tack though! Loves to saddle them up and kiss their noses as he slips the bridles over their faces. I freaking love farm dogs. He’d go nuts over a heterochromatic-eyed collie or one of those big mastiffs. Especially one of those cattle dogs. Aussie cattle dog? They’d be besties. They’d roll around in the grass all day and trail after him when he comes out to work during the day. He’s a big fan of the cows too, especially the little ones. The thought of him carrying around newborn calves is swimming around in my brain-

Sodapop does nothing but horses all day long. I don’t know if you know it, but that picture of the guy asleep with a cow and the cow has its head on the boy’s chest? That’s Soda and his horse. They’re inseparable and they do some crazy things. Sodapop dotes on that horse like it’s his baby. He leaves early to take the horse out, comes in late cause he was finishing with brushing out his horse. When he talks, it’s about the horses. He’s a horse girl and that’s it, y’know? He’s living his best life on a ranch! Maybe not as into the cows, but when he’s not with the horses, he’s hanging around Steve

Ponyboy doesn’t like the cows, doesn’t like the horses. Two’s got the dogs, so there’s not a lot left for Ponyboy. Yeah!! He sits under a tree, perches on a fence and watches the ranch. He reads most of the time, hiding in the shade and from whatever work someone’s gonna make him do. He makes a few pictures, Soda with his horse, Two-Bit under the squirming dogs, Steve on the tractor. They find themselves pinned up to the fridge for everyone to admire. He’s got a real touch for the horses though? He’s good at calming them? But he just doesn’t like them too much-

The ranch is the perfect place for Steve because the ranch allows for endless tinkering and fooling around with machinery. Boyo loves the tractor. He comes in to mealtimes, smeared in grease and grime. You’re constantly having to remind him to wash up before he takes a seat at the table. He likes the dogs! Probably befriends one of them and brags to Two-Bit that the dog likes him better. And, ugh, yes. Him and the calves. He’s really good at bottle feeding the ones who need to be. He’s got callouses, but he’s got the most gentle touch and honestly I want to kiss him so badly it hurts.

Johnny likes the horses, but most of the time, he’d rather hang out under a tree with Ponyboy and listen to the youngest Curtis read a book. He’ll do horse tack I think, but he’d rather watch them. Like Dallas, he’s a little afraid of the big animals, but won’t admit it. He likes the little dogs and the little calves and foals and stuff. Doesn’t like doing cattle runs. Will help though! Likes to help around the house and with the chores. I can totally see him sitting on the porch, watching a sunset and just letting it soak into his bones. There’s something about country sunsets, dude. Defo the lemonade maker though, defo on the lemonade.

#dillo’s replies #some us watch the sunset too

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geminid · 9 months

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just a bit of a rant about being a fan i guess

the idea for my artbook was smth i put together as long ago as 2018 and actually back then it was intended to be sort of my departure from the FE fandom as a lot of ppl i’d known since the start of the fates fandom in 2016 were also moving on and i wasn’t having the best time in the fandom. In true cringe comedy, I’m still here though, and superbright is becoming a real thing and I’ve thought a lot about it serving its original intended purpose: my last hurrah in this fandom.

truth is, i still love leokumi. i still have comic ideas and AUs and art concepts i wasnt originally skilled enough to do before but could now. i also rly enjoyed engage and i want to draw more fanwork for it too. and i wish this felt like enough i guess? that i love smth and want to draw it? because it was enough for a long while? but now im just lost because honestly ive had a miserable time in this fandom and all that misery is catching up to me. ive probably gotten worse as a person thanks to fire emblem fandom because i used to actually tweet on main and try to make friends and now all i’m capable of doing is hiding and keeping things to myself. i cant make connections and i can only be quiet because i led myself to believe that this was the only way to protect myself from everyone else (and it rly never worked bc id still regularly get stupid and rude comments on my posts). i cant bring myself to bug people who arent into my ships with my ship content either so i just have to. exist with them i guess. exist quietly. churn out art once in a while i guess. simply being and not much else.

i want to try to fix this though like. should i take a break? let everyone forget i existed? should i remake my accounts and take the gamble that a lot of my “mutuals-but-not-really-friends-yet-im-trying-tho” won’t follow me to my new account? what do i do with any art i make in the meantime since art is my main hobby and theres no way im not drawing? do i try to leave the fandom even though all of this could happen all over again somewhere else? what would you do in this situation? i cant seem to figure anything out besides that im miserable and i think it sucks that this is the result of what should have been 7 years of my love and dedication for a video game.

anyway this isnt smth i can burden an individual with so its typed out here to burden everyone equally. did anyone else read the alcry*t forging bonds where leo says he can use brynhildr to turn lcryst to slime. i wish i were reduced to slime. no more neck pain on account of having no neck and i would be cute like those dragon quest guys

#text post #nids being dumb

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starclast · 5 months

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Entering gravity falls 📌

Soooo...I've talked about before on how did I first encounter certain games/series or entered certain fandoms and such but...honestly? Out of everyone...how I came to actually enter to gravity falls fandom is (for now) certainly the *weirdest* of them all 😅

To be honest with you, I wasn't interested at all in gravity falls when it was first airing. I was in my, what could be called, *you cant watch cartoon shows, that's childish* face...😑 Back then I kind of knew about gravity falls and had seen some little bits here and there but not really knew anything about it. And the fact that I thought the art-style was *childish* too didn't help me at all to get interested in it. Years passed and my knowledge about it grew...a tiny bit (if knowing that Bill Cipher would bring the apocalypse seems like a tiny bit to you 😶), buuut I was still pretty uninterested so any spoiler that crossed my way just didn't hit hard me at all 😑

More years passed and then I stumbled my way into itchio, where I started to look for games I could play. Then I saw it for the very first time, the fangame: Swooning over Stans ✨✨✨ And then I was like *...What??? Why does these two look so simi-? Oh wait, they are twins. huh...Wait a minute, this one looks familiar to me*. I read that it was inspired by gravity falls and though it didn't click me at first, at the end, I remember that indeed there was a series called gravity falls and so I...kept scrolling 😶 Yep, I still wasn't interested in it or anything related to it aaaand it stayed like that...until last year.

One afternoon I was bored, like BORED to death and nothing, nothing remotely interesting seem to be in my way 😑 Sooo since I didn't anything better to mind, I said to myself: *why not try out that gravity falls fangame? At least it will be good to pass the time* And so, I did.

At first I was jus planning to try out one route, Fords route, to be more specific, because he was the one who got my attention out of the two, and then...it caught me 😆 It wasn't like I fell or find it interesting instantly, but the art-style, humor and characters started to appeal to me more and more as I kept playing (and even though I was spoiled already for some of the stuff that there were mentioned, my mind didn't relate them or kind of forgot about it all together so... My first playthrough wasn't perfect at all, but overall I had an incredibly more enjoyable experience than what I first expected, so I decided to keep playing! 🤗

I tried out Stan's route then, and though I didn't got a perfect, I still had a lot of fun!! Soooo...I kept tryin until I made it 😅

I only made two OCs while playin. First was Misha for Fords route, and then Ann for Stan's route. Their designs came to me surprisingly easily, actually, and though they are pretty simple, I quite like how they look! 😄

After the game, I obviously wanted to draw some fanarts and such...but I struggled a lot because it quite differed from my usual style of drawing (specially the head shape, eyes and nose 😅) But well, as you can see, I managed to do it!!! 🤗🤗🤗

In the end, I liked the game so much so that I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see the series it was based on and till this very day...I don't regret that decision 🤩🤩🤩 So yeah, thank you very much to everyone who worked on this project and gave me an opportunity to finally get into gravity falls!!! ...Though it was in a kind of weird way, haha 😅

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mrpsychokiller · 10 months

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okay but for real i dont know what to DO about it but i think i have like real attention span problems.

like i literally just cant pay attention to anything, even things i want to do and want to pay attention to. i cant play videogames, watch shows or movies, read books, draw. nothing. i procrastinate extremely with starting anything, even these things i actively want to do i just cant bring myself to do them. and it stresses me out every second on how i SHOULD be doing them but i never do.

everytime i start doing something i just get distracted and stop. i stop paying attention to whats happening in the movie, i pause the game, i look at the words on the page without reading anything. even without outside distractions ill just lose myself in thought. i then just get bored extremely easily as my difficulty to pay attention just makes me get frustrated and uninterested and then i give up completely on doing what i was doing 30 minutes later.

but i am also decisively addicted to my phone. i will stop what im doing to check my phone for no reason and then get distracted scrolling. i may try to turn off my phone but i just get stressed or find other ways to get distracted and just give up and grab it again in the end. its effectively hard to draw because i need my phone to make digital art but ill just stop drawing to check other apps

i just dont know what to do!!! this literally sucks so bad and stops me from doing anything, both things i need to do and things i want to do. i feel horrible and stressed and bored and guilty all the time and i dont know how to fix this. im going insane

#this is decisively too long it was longer i had to cut it down. i just dont know how to express how i feel #and im embarrassed of expressing these things cause i feel they mean im dumb or lazy or just another chronically online teenager #but i dont WANT to be like this and it keeps bringing me active distress #of course me being mad i cant play attention to videogames doesnt sound like a serious problem but this has always fucked me up #i went so bad in school because i just couldnt do my assignments or my homework #i couldnt bring myself to start them and couldnt focus to get them done #and that almost got me kicked out of school! that almost ruined my life!#i just dont know. this sucks

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party-gilmore · 5 months

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Check ALL The Warnings In The Tags If You’re Ducking Below The Read More.

DISCLAIMER: This is a post about me specifically and my broken fucking brain. I am not trying to make any sweeping statements about colonizer guilt or “activism burn-out,” of which others have made EXCELLENT points and i am not trying to draw away from those conversations at all. This is specifically about how my panic disorder and suicidal ideation are making it difficult for me to safely manage my level of involvement and interaction online, at the expense of the ability to actually put in the work for change out in the real world.

OKAY.

Last post on mobile. Tumblr is officially deleted from my phone. we are on Set Amount Of Time A Day - PC/Desktop only for a while.

To be very clear the point of this is not looking for sympathy or trying to be guilt trippy, just trying to get a hold of where my head’s at and let y’all know I’m not gonna be around so much but that I’m okay. Or least, this is me TRYING to be okay.

i CANNOT let the doom-scrolling keep affecting my ability to actually do anything that might actually help. The way i’ve been interacting on this site, trying to Stay Informed but blurring that line and crossing into constantly seeking more and more details that i NEED to admit i can’t handle, whether it’s the level of detail or the constantness of it or both…

the paralysis and anxiety and panic and - there’s an actual word for when you keep vividly imagining the absolute worst possible outcome but i can’t remember what it is, probably something else starting with “doom” - anyways the point is i clearly don’t have the ability right now to:

a) have any kind of ready access to The Horrors without making it… LITERALLY constant in my life. i don’t have the control to take it in measured doses, i need to recognize that if i have any kind of access all the time it WILL be a 100% deep dive nothing but the fucking trauma and abominations being inflicted on others in detail from the moment i get up until i finally clear my head enough to sleep for a few hours. which yeah i KNOW Palestinians in Gaza don’t GET that luxury it IS 24/7 all the time for them and I wouldn’t be complaint about that at ALL honestly if it weren’t for the fact that right now CLEARLY i do not have the fucking ability to

b) stop that from paralyzing me from any Real Action. It just locks me up. It SHOULDNT i should be able to compartmentalize that shit because physically for now i am fine my family is fine but instead i just fucking sit there , blankly staring as I scroll through atrocity after atrocity after atrocity that powerful governments are supporting, feeling like i cant do shit cuz it’s just getting worse and worse, then guilty that i feel like giving up, then GUILTY that i feel guilty because who am i trying to guiltrip here who CARES if I feel guilty when i’m not in the same situation they are they have it so much worse and they keep on going what would YOU do in that situation huh if you can’t even handle THIS - then that kicks of the vivid imaginings of me and my family experiencing that kind of slow death and dismemberment and being crushed by rubble then of course because we’re in america close to dc my brain jumps to nukes and how we’re in the zone JUST far away enough from DC for it not to kill us outright it would be slow and horrifying and painful and could i bring myself to at least get in the car and make it up to them so we could at least die together or would it be alone and afraid like all these people around the world are going through, that Palestine is going through, that my government is putting them through -

anyways it’s that spiral that keeps me sitting and scrolling and sitting and scrolling and wallowing in - what i genuinely thought was me just being a shitty fucking person but i realize now was actually genuinely - an anxiety attack (that’s the one that’s slow and creeping, right? panic is the fast sharp one) like an actual physically can’t shake myself out of “i forgot my brain was fucking broken, the adhd meds aren’t gonna magically fix everything” anxiety attack. Every goddamn day.

And let me be very clear again about my point here my point is not to try and guilt trip or garner sympathy my POINT is -

I cant do the kind of shit that actually helps anyone, in real fucking life, if I keep sending my brain into lockdown panic “All Is Lost, You Suck, Just Fucking Die” mode.

I want to be better, do better, be stronger, not have to look away at all. But I can’t trust myself not to fucking…. wallow in the goddamn despair of it all right now. So I need to take that option away.

Because who’s it really for, honestly? All the sharing and the posting? There’s a limit to what actually helps. The people following me have already made up their minds, one way or another. Sharing more of the same old shit isn’t going to actually CHANGE anything. Once youre through the new information of the day, the shit people actually need to know that they might not already… it feels like it’s just fucking… performative bullshit. like it’s all about making sure people SEE you still sharing all of this stuff. Oh look i’m still involved see how involved i am see how i’m still reading and sharing and posting all this stuff arent I a Good Activist?

What does any of that matter if it’s breaking my brain so much I can’t actually do any activism???

I would rather be considered weak and selfish by strangers on the fucking internet who don’t see me sharing as many posts as they think I should, but who ACTUALLY KEEPS WRITING the emails and MAKING the calls and SEEKING OUT events and disruptions and protests that maybe i can actually PARTICIPATE in

Than to keep showing off how i’m not “Looking Away” online but then spend every night sitting on my couch doing Fuck All about it, locked in a perpetual doom scroll through my For You page, imagining my flesh slowly burning and melting off as I hoist my whimpering dying dog’s body into the back of my car and desperately try to reach my parent’s house in time to say good bye and all go together, then shoving all that down into a flimsy box at the last minute to be able to smile at my mom and act like I just swung by to help with the floors instead of absolutely needing to see her and my father alive right now and touch them and fucking hate myself for indulging in that when Palestinians can’t so much that i force myself into an even deeper doom scroll next time as penance because how dare i look away for a MOMENT i can see them i can live i NEED to MAKE myself look at what’s happening-… rinse and repeat.

#thoughts of death #some suicidal ideation #mostly the worst bit is the last paragraph i might’ve gotten a little carried away with explaning my most common imagined death scenario #via Nuke #uuhhhh what else description of a hopelessness spiral #that i’m TRYING to fight it’s not going great but i’m TRYING #i think that’s about it. i swear despite these tags it’s a HOPEFUL post. it’s just i gotta be more realistic about how utterly FUCKED my #ability to stay sane about all this is in order to actually TAKE the steps i need to take to do something USEFUL about it #OH and brief but descriptive mention of dog death for those particularly sensitive to it

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abimee · 1 year

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11 for althaea, particularly if you think you'd get along, and also if there's any other ocs you think would be interesting to bring up!:)

what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

I think Althaea is a lot nicer than I am not for any particular reason besides that Althaea would never really, dislike anyone? She would never have any qualms with people and people being rude to her dont affect her, while i'm more a grudge-holding person and someone who is often a bit mean if I believe i'm being disrespected myself. I think Althaea is also way louder than I am, cause I imagine she often shouts/says her words loudly, and is often screaming in joy, while i've been routinely told I am ''really quiet'' and ''keep to myself'' a lot.

Physically Althaea is in act older than me at the amaurotine equivalent of 42 years old, and she's also taller at amaurotine equivalent of 6'5!

Taste-wise as well, Althaea has a fascination with butterflies and maggots, while i'm personally more into tarantula and spiders :]

As for similarities, I often draw on myself from the past for when I write some of my more personal OCs, so Althaea has that obvlivious kindness I had as a kid where i easily just walked up to anybody and asked them ''do you wanna be friends?" and then just hung out with them, even complete strangers at the beach or neighbors I never met. She's also a bit altruistic in a way like me where I like to spend my time doing what other people enjoy and helping them purely for the joy of doing it, and we both have a deep sense that everyone has the capacity for goodness in them and that all ''bad behavior'' has a root cause that can be corrected to help the person become better themselves.

I think me and althaea are also on the same pathway of ability to intake knowledge where there's only so much we can understand before everything gets ''too complex'' and the very concept of it becomes unintelligable to us, and its a lower ceiling compared to others, so we often only grasp fundamentals of topics or concepts and cant comprehend more complex readings or ideas.

We both also have a love and appreciation for insects and other little animals, and we both hope that others can understand that everything in the world deserves to live and exist and that assigning a bugs life on a ''should live'' and ''should not'' basis purely for purpose related to humans is a bit silly way to see things, especially because most people argue that certain bugs ''shouldnt exist'' purely because they ''dont have any purpose'' seen to them and are just ''scary/sick/weird'' (MOSQUITOS AND WASPS)

ALSO! me and althaea are both agender :]

I thiiiiink me and althaea would get along? I might get annoyed by her sometimes or brush her off but Althaea again has a hard time coming to dislike anybody, and her kindness and altruistic need to seek out what i want and what i need help with before she asks anything for herself makes her a bit hard to turn away, and I think if we both like, went on a walk around in the woods it would be really fun and she would tell me about all sorts of bugs :] or we could go swimming together and she could tell me about fish and we can get the dry skin eaten off our legs by minnows

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mondaymelon · 6 months

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Re: SKZ comeback teasers - I SAW and I'm so o|< kind of glad I'm calmed down from the mania of buying every single skz related thing for a year now (given that these mfs release like a comeback every 6 months im actually JFKSNFKSNFJE TAKE A BREAK?? YOU'RE LITERALLY RECOGNIZED NOW?? TAYLOR SWIFT LITERALLY VIBED WITH 5STAR-) but yeah im still very updated about their song releases 👁👁

I've been well actually!!! (semi-well/lh)haven't found a map but like, studying is boring but i have to feed something to the braincells, went back to doing crochet, bought a display tablet for myself with the money I saved up (have yet to draw on it, bc studying), went to that HSR restaurant event (since my country participated in the time to feast collab; did I mention I'm a dan heng kisser now - i swear the pipeline is rlly from xiao to heng'er. ntm people voted that they're both ISTJs 🧍‍♀️)

Re: Vampires - there's an old old thing i read (off another fanfic, i think) where like vampires have soulmates and if they feed off their blood it's like the soulmate, if human, wont feel pain (quite the opposite) and they their blood would taste like smth nostalgic or anything that temporarily reconnects them to their human self - or anything that would feel... whats the word... euphoric??? Idk maybe my brain hallucinated like half of the concept but here you go

-lost children anon

NO. BRING BACK THE MANIA. WALLETS DONT MATTER WHEN IT COMES TO S T R AY K I D S. HO O

ahem. YEA YEA FR IF TAYLoR SWIFT VIBES TO THEM tHAT MEANS THAT ARE A FEDERAL BAnGER GROUP 1!!! i dont know if im allowed to say theyre like "undderrated" considering how many fans they are but they really deserve sooooooOOO much more!! love them so much ehehehhe

dunno if ive asked you this before but who's your bias, if you have one?? me personally i gotta love jinnie and.. yea. my bias wrecker is probably lee know. NOT THe AIR FRYer DUO HEPL 😭😭

ahhh yeay!! glad to hear youve been doing well lmao because honestly none of the people ik have been :) we are but silly little people on a silly blue and green orb doing silly things (OMG ANON yOURE SO OOOOO COOL WHAT THE FUCK GOING TO AN HSR CAFE SOUNDS SO FUN TAKE Me WITH YOU PLE A S E ) and yes. dan heng is justified. hes so pretty. like what.

WE ARE ALL dAN HENG KISSERS HERE!! DAN HENG NATION RISE UP!!!

hehehhee anonnnn thats a verrry siilly idea... i might just still it (DEVIOUS CACKLING JUHEHEHEHEEEHEHHEHEHE AND YOU CANT STO PME AMUHAHAHAHAHHA)

#★ ˎˊ˗ melonrambles!#★ ˎˊ˗ inbox.#★ ˎˊ˗ lost children anon!!#AHAHAHAHAH #AHAHHAhAHA #YES #CRY #SOB #SCREAM IN ANGUISH #THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO #AGAINST MY OMNIPOTENCE!!#IN THE WISE WORDS OF YUI: “ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY AND CUTE MELON!!!!!”

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in-my-feels-probably · 1 year

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hey love!! congratulations on hitting 800 followers, Im so proud of you! hope you’re having a lovely day! 🥰

Im gonna enter this celebration RIGHT this time lol, so this sort of extends from my previously attempt (again, so sorry about that, got too excited and ahead of myself to see when the post was made, silly me!!) which was a romantic ship with Jon Snow!

for the info about me, Im 5’0” tall, deathly pale (often looking ill, actually), with grey eyes and blue curly hair. I’ve got the roundest face of all time (seriously if you ever need to draw a circle you just let me know and I’ll faceplant against a piece of paper for you), very short arms, and a dumptruck if I do say so myself (average sized person squished into a smaller body and the fat depositing in my favour tbh). personality wise, I’ve been known to be very ditzy and forgetful (trauma 🤪), but Im incredibly optimistic empathetic, protective, creative and easily frightened. Im a petty bitch and Im not afraid to say it, I WILL hold a grudge and be very passive aggressive to anyone that’s hurt someone I care about but I do so with comedic timing which makes it acceptable 😌

my name’s Heather and my pronouns are she/her, I hope that’s enough info but please let me know if I’ve missed anything!!

hope you have a wonderful week and congratulations again, you deserve it so much, you are such an incredible talent!! 💗

hi my love!

thank you for participating again :)

i had to go back and read the first blurb i did to make sure i don’t rephrase anything, so i’m sorry if i repeat anything i’ve already said. (also omg, hard same on the round face thing, i also have a very round face. and the looking ill part made me laugh, im also really pale and generally unhealthy so i look sick a lot too.)

jon is very much a brooding individual. not negative necessarily, but definitely pessimistic. he’s been beaten down, and tends not to see the brighter side of things. i cant blame him, but it could make being around him a little bit difficult if you don’t function in the same way as him. youd balance him out, and he’d appreciate the little bit of joy you’d bring into his life. especially since you’re short, you’d be his little ball of sunshine, even if you don’t consider yourself to be that. you’d seem like that to him, and it would be a nice change of pace for him.

i don’t know what it is about him, but i think he has a bit of a mischievous personality that he doesn’t get to show often. he doesn’t have any reason to. but you’d bring out this side in him that’s childlike, and curious. he never really got to be a kid, and he’d feel comfortable enough around you to let loose a little. he’s incredibly protective, so he’d never put you in harms way or let anyone mess with you. but i think after a few pints of ale, he could be convinced to play some sort of prank on you.

maybe sam accidentally broke something of yours, and you were upset. you weren’t genuinely pissed at him, but you weren’t letting him get off free. maybe you did something equally as harmless, like throwing off his schedule or hiding something of his, and he gets sick of it. so he goes to jon, and jon is appalled by the idea.

“you’d have me play a joke on her? i do value my life, you know. her bad side is not one i want to get on.”

and sam would whine, telling him to grow up and be a man. he’d convince jon to go along with some sort of prank, maybe scaring you since they both know you scare easily. they’d wait behind a column, knowing you’d come that way and have ti pass them. they’d jump out, yelling.

you’d scream, moving into a fighting stance, when they’d both burst out laughing. you’d recognize that it was harmless fun, and you actually enjoyed that jon was having fun for once. but at the same time, there was no way you’d let them get away with it without getting them back.

“very mature,” you’d say, clutching your chest with a scowl on your face.

jon would laugh, bringing you into his arms. his cheeks were warm and rose tinted from the alcohol.

“i’m sorry, darling,” he’d say, clutching you tightly to him while trying not to laugh. “i had to. it was funny, you have to admit it.”

you’d hug him back, but glare up at sam, who’d take that as his cue to scamper off before you decided to do something rash.

you’d give jon a squeeze, before pushing him away. “asshole.”

“love,” he’d whine, and you’d find it so difficult to not smile at his tone.

you remained with a blank face, staring up at him with narrowed eyes. you may have been small, but you were scary. and jon took one look at your face before raising his hands in surrender, taking a step back.

—

hope you enjoyed this! thank you again for your kind words, and for participating again. i really appreciate the support :)

you gave him a smile so calm that it struck fear in his heart. “you should be afraid, snow. very afraid.”

“shit,” he murmured, before shrugging and linking his arm with yours. “i’ve accepted my fate. do me a favor, though…go after sam before me. id like to be prepared.”

#800 followers celebration #800 followers #followers celebration #jon snow #game of thrones

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caseythebunnyboy · 1 year

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Howdy!

Thank you so much for the drawing! It's amazing. I love your art. I apologize for bringing down the mood I know it bothers you not but last thing I want to do is make you sad! From now on I will only grace you with pure nasty truly deplorable thoughts from a lonely cowboy and my day to day life (aka more deplorable thoughts)! I'll fill you in (full pun intended) as my work will keep me busy soon. I'll describe myself more so you can have a general picture of me :] I'm 6'2 I have no clue on my weight but I am a large man. My thighs and calves are like tree trunks. My hands are incredibly calloused from working for 6 years nonstop. I am very skilled with my hands and fingers tying knots all day and playing the banjo (you can take a man out the south but you can't take the south out of the man) and I have no better way to describe it other than my hands are huge. I have short-ish curly hair and I have a tan almost all of the time when it's not winter. If you want to know anything more about me I am more than happy to oblige your request.

I must admit that while it may sound a bit creepy. I lay awake at night I have thoughts of you. I make up scenarios in my head. I look at your kink list and see how similar we are and can't help but imagine using you in thousands of different ways. Tying you up. bending you over and pounding your little boycunt over and over again until your brain is mush and you're full of cum. Then I untie you and hold you in my arms. Singing to you softly as we drift off.

I'll leave the fantasy there but I hope to hear from you soon. 🤠

thank you so much! but wuh 🥹 please dont feel restricted to only being horny on here! im fine with people talking to me about other emotions, since i know people arent just horny 24/7. its fine!! i wont hate you forever if you show any other sign of feeling that isnt being sexual, i promise.

(rest of the response is under the cut because again, dont wanna clog peoples dashboards 😵‍💫)

i shall also paint you a picture of me in exchange!

im 5'4, last time i checked i was 81 (?) kg, i dont remember the specifics but i was around that weight. my thighs are also big but in more of a marshmallow pillow-ey way than a tree trunk way! my hands are very small, clumsy, soft and frail, with my entire hand from palm to my longest finger (the middle finger) being around 7 inches 😊 the only "toughening up" they got is when i would practice my countrys martial arts, i still practice every once in awhile but very occasionally so they never made my hands calloused 🥹 iam... not skilled at all with my hands. my arm starts shaking and hurting if i draw for too long with no breaks 😵‍💫 i have black fluffy-scruffy hair that can never calm down or stay in one place, and my skin is just naturally always tan since im a person of color 🐇

if youd like to know more about me, id also be happy to oblige! what i want to know about you, is if youve ever cum to the thought of me, hehe 💜 just curious! you dont need to answer if youre not comfy doing so 💜💜 and also! can you claim an emoji and put it at the end of your asks? so i know its you and so you can have a little hashtag, like how 🗝️ anon has one!

anyways! i hope to hear from you soon as well! youre so sweet, cowboy anon 🥹 id love to kiss you all over your face, but thatll just have to wait 🥲 see you soon! (hopefully 💜)

honestly, it doesnt sound creepy at all to me... would it be creepy for me to say im flattered and slightly aroused that you think about me so often? if so, then i guess we're both "creepy", hm? 💜 and jeez, id actually really like that. i love people who can be rough and fast during sex, but the moment its all over theyre back to being sweet and caring 😊 would love to doze off on top of your chest, humming along to your song after you finish breeding my boypussy over and over 💜💜

also side note, ever since i read your ask i cant stop thinking about how nice it would feel for your rougher hands to rub and touch my softer skin... the contrast between their textures would made my head so much dizzier whenever you grab my parts 😵‍💫😵‍💫 make of that what you will...

#casey ★ answering #'casey you do martial arts?' yes actually 😭 been doing my countrys signature martial arts for 2 years now #not very good at it though ill admit 🥹#anyway cowboy anon my beloved kisses you

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sw1mmy · 1 year

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2022 thoughts

With 2022 coming to a close soon, ive been doing a lot of reflecting on the year. I would say overall its been a year with some pretty high highs for me, with some pretty mediocre stuff thrown in to balance things out. I just kind of wanted to get my thoughts down, I dont really expect anyone to care all that much about this post but it's my blog and ill do as i please lmao.

I turned 30 at the beginning of the year, which honestly didnt bother me so much. What did, though, was the amount of people I knew. Ive always been extremely shy and awkward (in my opinion) but I really wanted to start this new chapter of my life trying to meet new people. I'd definitely say I met this goal, ive met a lot of amazing people this year, it's honestly kind of overwhelming. I feel like I can either be way too withdrawn or too overbearing in conversation, so i just want people to know how grateful I am they choose to associate with me.

This is especially true when it comes to DJing. I had been into it during 2020 and did little private streams for like 3 people max, but giving it a go on twitch really panned out well for me and i honestly love doing it. Im happy people seem to be into what im bringing and im eternally grateful to Mina and Jami for DJing with me. The Normal for Girls streams are absolutely the highlight of my year if im being honest. I've never had so many eyes on anything ive ever done and while it was kind of scary, it also felt amazing to be involved with something so many people seemed to have a blast with. im looking forward to doing even more in 2023.

As for other art stuff, I cant help but feel a little disappointed. I really wanted to do more actual music production, but its been a struggle for me to get any ideas im actually satisfied with down. I posted a few things on my soundcloud this year that i honestly felt embarrassed by after a while and took down; id really love to play more music for fun and have that lead into producing come next year. Drawing is also something I havent felt too happy with. I know people have told me otherwise but I feel completely inconsistent stylistically and mechanically im not where i want to be. I would really love to push myself to get into painting more next year; its something ive messed around with a little bit in the past but id like to give it a more honest shot while improving my knowledge of anatomy, perspective and things like that (i am happy that people do like my art when I post stuff of course, I just want to give people something better to look at that im more satisfied with lmao)

There's a LOT more I could talk about lol, like how me and Tristyn got a nice new apartment this year, how I went down to virginia, got to play arcade games i had been dying to play as well as meeting Chi, stuff like that. But I feel like ive rambled enough lmao. if youre down here thanks for reading all that and i hope we both have a great 2023.

#please forgive me for talking about myself

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qwizzers · 9 months

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so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

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hanagatana · 10 months

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/vent

i genuinely enjoy learning and putting new knowledge and/or skills into practice, but it often feels like im stuck in the same place and not moving anywhere. this feeling of stagnation is honestly daunting and bc of my anxiety and short attention span i find myself thinking that im never gonna make any significant progress.

like yeah im trying my best but actually no im not. i could do so much more, read more, study more, draw more, i could come up with the idea for my thesis, i could learn to draw faster, but i didnt. i never have enough evergy for any of that. everything i do just feels half-assed, undercooked, lazy - both my academic studies and art.

not to be overdramatic but i have no idea what to do with my life at this point if i cant find my passion in the academy (which is already a major fucking failure for me) And im also unable to make anything remarkable as a creator. ive spent so much time studying yet havent actually acquired any useful skills because i was distracted with art and games and fandoms (and all of this during the pandemic when ive been sitting in my room for 2.5 years straight). and the exact reason why im not a great artist (or a writer. i could be one) is that ive actually tried to study too. it seems im terrible at balancing more than one thing at a time lol

it is extremely fucking depressing to think that ive wasted so much time for nothing. not an academic, not an artist, not a writer, unemployed, a virtually useless person. i wish i could at least bring joy to other people with the things i do but like. im not sure if anything i do is good enough to make someone just a tiny bit happier. my art is forgettable. im not even too good of a friend.

going numb & crazy yipee

#i wanted to post a focalors drawing actually but accidentally went insane x3 #also my head hurts from um. stress and crying i guess #ALSO my youtube recommendations are boring and they are my only way to distract my mind from destructive thoughts. this girl isnt winning

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ppnuggie · 2 years

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hi hi congrats on 300 followers!!! (Imo you deserve a million but i mean everyone starts somewhere)

This ask is for the 300 follower special!!

personality :: for this part I'll put good and bad personality traits that I have

Good// I've been told that in general I'm a really nice person and that I care a lot for others,,which i do,, I'm very protective over people that I care about and love,, and will not hesitate to throw hands with somebody who disrespects them,, even if I clearly can't win in a fight,, I'm very open to people that I care about,, and I share a lot with them,, I always try to be there for people,, whether they're a good friend or not

Bad// I've also been told that I'm really gullible and will believe just about anything anyone says,, which is also true,, I tend to let myself be used as a doormat for other people,, I'm also a really needy / clingy person,, another thing is that I'm really touchy person,, not sure if that's a good or a bad thing but I put it here anyways,, especially to people I love I always feel the need to be around them and or touching them in some way,, not in the weird kind of way but touching them like holding their hand,having a hand on their shoulder, Etc,, one last thing is that im really quick to trust people,, it has faded over the years with lots of people coming and going,, but even so I am really quick to trust people

For likes and dislikes,, im not sure if you mean 'what i like in a person' or 'things you like in general', but im assuming you mean things in general

likes :: rainy days,, especially when its dark outside,, reading books about things that interest me,, binging movies/tv shows,, playing video games,, talking to my best friend for hours about literally nothing,,the smell of diesel fuel- (im not joking),,watching youtube,,drawing,,the smell of new alcohol markers,, reading tf x reader fics,,hugs,, and cuddles <3

dislikes :: when someone leaves the faucet water purifier on,, being disrupted when im focused on something,, people talking when im trying to focus,, losing my concentration,, when someone takes wayy to long to respond,, people judging me for how i look and the things I like,, not being able to be myself,,yelling,,and when someone is mean to me or my loved ones

fandom :: Transformers!! Either tfp or bayverse u can pick:)

any sort of gender preference :: male please!! Thank you:))

Also just some facts that might help: i wear glasses that always slide down my nose,, i almost never wear shoes in the house,, and i have a big bumblebee plush from g1 that i always carry with me :)

tysm !! 🥹🥹 im slowly gaining some <33 but hopefully ill reach my next goal ,, 500 followers 😎😎 also i wear glasses too but they slide down too 😭😭 i dont wear them unless im watching smt on tv tho 💀💀 i just cant see too far away ,, heres your matchup thoo !! tysm for being a follower of mine and supporting my content 🥹❤️🙏 i went with tfp with this as well :D also i do like the smell of gasoline too 💀💀 ion know why but i do ,, not that i actively participate in smelling it 💀😭

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 :

- ratchet

- breakdown

𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐒 :

- ratchet

• whilst ratchet comes off as disinterested or grumpy most the times ,, he does have a slight interest towards you

• he does like that you care a lot for everyone at base ,, but he doesnt say anything about it

• occasionally he’ll spare you a genuine smile or two ,, not much for pda but in private moments he doesnt mind your hands all over him

• he’ll let you set on his shoulder or rest against his helm if it makes you feel better <3

• he doesnt play video games ,, but he can agree that he does love rainy days on earth ,, the soft raindrops bring him comfort and peace

• he can also relate to the losing concentration part 💀 he cant stand it

- breakdown

• hes more loud then ratchet is and more energetic then the old medic

• but it isnt much of a bad thing ,, he does tone it down when hes around you ,, taking notice of your dislike towards yelling

• he’ll definitely play games with you in his mass displaced form tho :D !!

• and for rainy days ,, he’ll take you on drives so you can experience it ,, he’ll drive slow and smooth ,, play soft music and just enjoy both of your guys’ comfort

• he will also binge movies with you ,, he is interested in what you humans come up with for entertainment anyways

• he doesnt mind touching either ,, he really loves it 🥹 he loves your affection a lot <33 so you dont gotta worry about that

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎 :

soft rain pattered against the window ,, rolling down and away from your view. the sky was a dark grey ,, the sun nowhere to be seen. warm air blew through breakdown’s ventilation ,, keeping you cozy in his alt mode as he drove slowly down the empty road.

he found out that you had enjoyed the rain ,, and soon grew to understand why. he even had a special place in his spark for the weather on earth. even if he wasnt much a fan of the cold or super hot days ,, he didnt mind the rainy weather. not only didnit provide a nice free shower but also time with you.

soft melodies played out his radio ,, strolling down the black road and going who knows where. the scenery was calm and peaceful ,, the moment you two shared would definitely be cherished.

#🏷.300 follower event

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