There's just something about Haechan and his attitude towards his career that makes you want to root for him.
He debuted at 16. He wasn't as famous as the rest of the group then. He was the youngest. He's yet to establish his role in NCT. He even admitted recently that during the early days of NCT, he was just happy to be there.
He's extremely talented. Despite that, he went through comebacks where he has little to no lines in songs, and barely any exposure in their choreographies, especially in 127. He was a vital part of Dream, tho, so it was bearable.
Heachan being reassigned as a main vocalist in 127 and debuting in an NCT U vocal group with a YYJ ballad was just a thing waiting to happen. He's born to be a singer. His parents are both musically-inclined. He grew up with respected musical influences that shaped his identity. He's also a great dancer with technical training pre-debut, and he was the best rapper among his fellow trainees during their training period. It's just natural that with time, he'll get recognized for his talents.
That said, the time came earlier because Haechan, aside from being naturally gifted, is also a hardworker. This shows whenever he's in a recording studio, during dance practices, or when they're shooting their music videos.
According to their producers, Haechan is usually the Neo who finishes recording in the shortest span of time. That makes sense because he enters the studio having figured out what to do with his parts.
Haechan is very goofy and playful most of the time, but the shift in attitude whenever he enters the recording booth is undeniable. You'll really find him the most serious when he is recording.
He records his parts knowing what he already wants to do with them. It's actually rare to see him ask the producers what he's going to do with his parts. He'd rather ask for opinion about a change he wants to do to his part which I think speaks volumes about him as an artist.
This also reflects on his dream as a singer-songwriter. He's a very goal-oriented person who knows what he has to do to succeed. He's very proactive about a future solo career that I just wish SM would give him more oportunities to grow individually. So far, he only has one OST to his name. It's a good thing that he released 2 of the songs he made during The Link concerts, but I hope in the near future, they will be available on music platforms. The songs deserve to be heard by more people.
He's also very diligent about dancing. He's trained in ballet, jazz, contemporary, and sports dance. I bet it was hard to incorporate a more ballet/contemporary training in kpop compared to a more urban hiphop training but he made it work beautifully.
He is also one of the members who easily memorizes choreographies. Although he's in three active units, meaning he has more choreographies to remember, he doesn't slack off. He's one of the Neos that the mebers go to when recalling choreographies.
He's also seen in a lot of their music video shoots practicing the dance steps during his free time. With a schedule as grueling as his, he might not have the time to practice as much as the rest of the group is. His dedication to his craft is immense because you will never catch him slacking off despite this.
I'm aware that for some, recording seriously and practicing choreographies during your free time might be a bare minimum, but to me, it speaks about his work ethics and his whole perspective about his career.
He's relatively one of the most successful members of NCT at this point, just basing on the fact that from an average member, he's carved a place in the group that only he can fill. He's also built and grew a stable fandom even though he only had opportunities for solo promotions in 2022. He's one of the most popular now (and his selling power good lord). All these and he remains humble (that sometimes I just want him to be more vocal about his achievements cos I always get the urge to push him to the mic and give a speech whenever they win on music shows). He works just as hard, if not harder, as when he was a trainee.
He's such a great person to root for and look up to, and he's inspired me to work harder for myself in more ways than one. ð§¡
GENRE/CW: smut, brotherâs best friend trope, fluff, slight angst, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cunnilingus, penetration, breeding, usage of nicknames, themes of jealousy, mentions of mark (brother) and other dreamies, mentions of yunjin from le sserafim, Imk if i missed anything!
WORD COUNT: 10k words
SYNOPSIS: mark was an overprotective brother and he didnât fail to show it, warning all the guys to stay away from you, his best friends were no exception. so, how will you make it work when you return back after graduating school, only to find that your crush is paying more attention to you than ever? it most certainly doesnât help that itâs lee donghyuck, to whom, you are strictly off limits.
WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni
A/N: hihi, my loves <3 i finally wrote a fic for the loml hyuckie <3 all likes, comments, reblogs are highly appreciated! it keeps me motivated! iloveyou all and happy reading <33
The music blasting from the speakers, reverberating around the room full of university students, the wretched smell of alcohol mixed with cigarettes lingered in the air as your sharp eyes adorned with perfectly winged liner focused around the room, greeting everyone who was shocked to find you at the party.Â
It felt good to be back.Â
Leaving for a boarding school wasnât on your bucket list, yet it was an opportunity you couldnât miss, the school being a prestigious one with a degree that would only be helpful in the future, which left you no choice but to disappear for three years, only to suddenly reappear today, straight making an appearance at the party.Â
âTold you, your celebrity status is still intact,â Yunjin winked at you, her being the only friend who was stubborn enough to not break contact with you, and you loved her for the same.Â
Raising your brow at her, you took another swing of beer which you had loosely gripped in your hand, âitâs not mine, it all belongs to my brother,â you said, âI donât want this attention, especially when itâs only valid because Iâm Markâs sister who had a glow up over my time of not being in the town.â
Your brother was well known in the universityâthe same university which youâd be attending soon along with the people who also attended the same middle school as you, however, his reputation preceded him as he, along with his friends, had turned into the group all girls desired to be with, yet they never let anyone stick around for long.Â
Settling down wasnât their forte.Â
People snogging around every corner of the house wasnât a sight you were willing to witness, granted you had a long flight and were tired. Not having any ride back home was another factor which made you approach your brotherâwho wasnât locked up in a room with some girl for once.Â
âI wanna go home,â you huffed, standing next to Mark, who was quick to excuse himself from the conversation he was having.Â
âI canât drive you back, Iâm buzzed dude,â he says, âmy baby sis is all grown up,â he looks your way, patting your head before you step back, disgusted at his overly affectionate big brother act.Â
He acted as if everything was normal when in reality, he was the one who always deprived you of every single thing, not allowing you to go out, not allowing you to meet boys, and most importantly, not letting his friends interact with you.
âEw, drink this and sober up.â You passed on the water bottle in your hand to him, âhow am I supposed to go back? Should I take a cab?âÂ
âNo, thatâs not safe. You wait here, Iâll get my friend to drop you off,â he asked you to wait by the front door.Â
The shock on your face was evident, yet it was better to get a ride with one of his friends rather than fending for yourself this late at night. With a nonchalant nod, you walked away, waiting by the door.Â
It wasnât hard for Mark to find his group, they were sprawled across the sofa as if they owned it, surrounded by girls sitting around them; or on their lap.Â
âWhoâs not drunk here?â He asked, straight up eliminating Jeno from the list, who was taking big gulps from his can, his Adamâs apple bobbing up and down, âminus Jeno.â
Haechan was quick to ignore the girl who was leaning down to kiss him, eyes tired yet lined with the perfect amount of eyelinerâa look he went for whenever a party was concerned.Â
âI am sober. Driver duties, why?â He asked.Â
Even though there was nothing but truth in his words, it would be hard to accept it, provided that his eyes were the perfect shade of brown which harboured the ideal amount of brightness during the day, and just the exact amount of intoxication at night.Â
âI had one beer,â Jaemin said, sitting with a bored expression on his face, probably not in the mood to entertain the girls at the given moment, unlike Jeno and Renjun, who basked in the attention of them.Â
âY/n wants to go back home,â Mark explained, grabbing another can of beer, âand I obviously canât go to drop her off.â
âY/n? Is she back?â Hyuck asked, playing with his silver rings before unbuttoning the top of his black button up, exposing his chain clad neck and clavicle, which was valid given how hot the room was.Â
âYeah, she came back in the afternoon today. Jaem can you drop her back home?â Jaemin chuckles at the offended look Haechan threw his way.Â
âOf course man,â Jaemin agreed.Â
âHeâs drunk too, in case you overlooked that, Iâm the sober one right now,â Hyuck said, pointing out the obvious.Â
âYeah, dude thereâs no way Iâm letting you go alone with my sister,â Mark laughed, âlord knows you canât keep it in your pants,â he added.Â
Hyuck was quick to raise his eyebrow, scoffing, pushing his tongue inside his cheek, âand he can?â He asked, pointing at Jaemin.Â
âHe knows where to draw a line, unlike you, and sheâs my baby sister, Iâm not risking anything,â Mark explained enthusiastically, as if it was a joke, because it caused an uproar of laughter, which only infuriated Hyuck more.Â
âI know when to stop,â he said, annoyed.Â
âYou didnât know that when you fucked principalâs daughter,â Jeno provided.Â
âAnd when you did so in his office, with cameras installed,â Renjun not so helpfully added.Â
Hyuck agrees that they were right to a certain extent, but their lack of trust was always something that bothered him. If there was someone who actually didnât know where to stop, that would be them, because he did not appreciate the insults thrown his way.Â
It also didnât help how he genuinely wanted to see you, but now his mood was ruined, courtesy of Mark.Â
Mark then proceeded to list out a few more things as to prove that Hyuck wasnât fit for being anywhere close to his sister, âI donât trust you with her,â he shrugged, asking Jaemin to drop you off and ending the conversation.Â
Meanwhile, it had been a solid seven minutes and twenty six seconds since you started waiting for Markâs friend to come and pick you up, and you made sure to put the time into good use by observing your surroundings yet again.Â
In the farther right corner, you spotted your old crush, Park Sunghoon, who was in your ethics class. He never paid attention to you, granted your brother made sure to warn the whole school population that you were off limits.Â
You couldnât deny, it was good to see him happy and you swore you noticed him giggling too, talking to your old classmate, who you remember, was called Moonâone of the beauties of your school, before he pulled her into a sweet kiss.Â
Your observation was cut short when one of Markâs friends, whom you had not seen in the past three years appeared in front of you with a small smile. Na Jaemin, he was charming from the bottom to the top.Â
âWelcome back, Y/n,â he smiled, voice slutry, which came naturally to him.Â
You offered him a smile in return, shamelessly checking him out, he had gotten buff. You were not expecting him to come here, but then again, your subconscious wanted to see that one boy whose eyes reminded you of honey.Â
You wondered how he looked now. Does he even remember you? A sigh left your glossy lips as you admitted that you still might have a teeny tiny crush on Lee Haechan after all this while, and deep inside, you wished to see him again.Â
With a smile, you followed him to the car as he engaged you in a conversation. It was probably the first time he had been given the permission to interact with you, and even he couldnât deny, he loved to see the development, the confidence that you had come back with.Â
While you were getting back home, Haechan was fuming with anger, kicking the pavement as he had left the party, his mind formulating ideas for a plausible revenge against everyone. He was rebellious, heâd give himself that, yet in the depth of his heart, he meant well, not wanting to hurt anyone intentionally, only for the sake of having unharmed fun.Â
It wasnât as if his friends were any different, so why should he be the one whoâs labelled to be the worst of them all? This time, he wanted to hurt someone on purpose, the someone being Mark Lee.Â
Solution? Get as close to you as humanly possibleâwhich would also mean that heâd have to work to get a place in your heart. But he didnât mind it, especially when he had liked you all this while.Â
Mark wanted him to stay away? Tough luck because Hyuck wanted you.Â
Thinking about you reminded him of when you first met through Mark, he had priorly informed everyone to stay away from you, despite the fact you were in fifth grade, almost isolating you from the world. However, it wasnât enough for Hyuck to stop greeting you with his gummy smiles, which caused you to smile back at him too.Â
Thatâs the most exchange you guys have had over these years. Hyuck was gonna change that, and so, he found himself walking towards your house, knowing well that Mark wonât be around to stop him, and your parents would be deep asleep given that it was past midnight.Â
Climbing up your room wasnât hard, especially when he was aware of the ladder kept in your backyard, but being silent after entering your room through a window was tough.Â
The lights were dim, just how you liked it when you slept. With a few steps, Hyuck reached your bed, eyes fixated on your sleeping figure.Â
A small, genuine smile graced his face when he noticed the small pout on your moisturized lips. Adorableâthatâs how he perceived you, yet there was no denying how much you had grown up to be prettier than ever, and he couldnât help but caress your cheek with his thumb, even the slightest touch making you stir in your sleep, causing him to chuckle.Â
He had to have you.Â
You werenât sure if it was a dream or had Hyuck actually visited you at night, though, the latter idea seemed nothing less than a delusion. Maybe it was your brain playing tricks with you, but it wasnât your biggest concern at the given moment as you wanted nothing more than to freshen up and eat.Â
What you did not expect was to see your mom catering the four boys sprawled across your living room, the guy in your dream wasnât anywhere to be seen still.Â
âGood morning, sweetheart,â your mom sweetly pulled you in her embrace, gaining the attention of your brother and his friends, who were sitting together playing some video games.Â
âGood morning, mum,â you smiled, having missed her while you were away for school.Â
âYo, I almost forgot you were back for a second,â Mark commented as your mom asked everyone to sit down.Â
You looked at him with a sour expression, âyeah, right. Cause there was no one to tell you that youâre wearing two different designs of socks,â you pointed out, getting a snigger out of Jeno, who passed you a sweet smile when you looked his way, averting his gaze within a second, a habit of all his friends who werenât allowed to stare at you.Â
âOr that youâre wearing your T-shirt inside out,â you scrunch your nose as others see a very clueless Mark trying to get everything in order, your mom also amused by the sudden liveliness in the home, âno, but how are you this unaware about yourself?â You mused.Â
Mark didnât get to reply or whine when the front door opened to reveal the guy of your dreams, quite literally.Â
Lee Haechan came into the room as if he owned the place, your eyes fixated on his messy hair as he said hello to your mother, who was more than happy to see him here.Â
Hyuck was her favourite out of all Markâs friends.Â
Other guys were quick to apologize to Hyuck, you wondered why, and Mark had apparently apologized on text last night for crossing the line.Â
He looked carefree and unbothered, so you didnât ponder upon it much till he sat down next to you for breakfast, finally looking in your eyes.Â
You blinked once, focusing on his eyes which looked like they had honey swirling around them, his skin was tanned to the prettiest shade as he passed you a small smile, âhey, Y/n,â he acknowledged your presence, lips almost upturned into what seemed to be a smirk.Â
For a second, you couldnât quite focus as you were too enthralled observing the beauty marks scattered across his face, his plump pink lipsâ
Yeah, that thought shook you awake, âhey, Haechan,â you greeted back, thinking that calling him Hyuck might just be too friendly.Â
âSo, are we on for our trip tomorrow?â Jaemin asked, cutting your interaction short.Â
âWait, what trip?â You asked, knowing that your parents were gonna be out for a business trip too, and you werenât one to enjoy being home alone in such a big house.Â
âDidnât Mark tell you?â Your mom asked and shook your head, throwing an accusatory look his way, âThey all are having a stay in at Hyuckâs beach house.â
âAnd me? Am I supposed to be staying alone for whatâhow many days?â You asked.Â
âA week,â Mark informed, unaffected.Â
âIâm not staying home alone for a whole week, mum, this isnât fair.â The distress was clear on your face.Â
âCall your friends over then,â your mom suggested.Â
âFor a week? Weâd rather go out for vacation too,â you pouted, not noticing the stare of two boys.Â
âJoin the trip with Mark then,â she recommended, placing the fluffy pancake on your plate.Â
âWhat? Why? No,â Mark protested and the room bursted into a web of chaos with everyone discussing it.Â
Only Hyuck was silent, his eyes still on your face, admiring your side view shamelessly, but also careful not to give out his intentions in front of Mark.Â
âItâs a boys trip, mom. Yâknow? Boy stuff,â he winced, trying to explain without explaining that all they planned on doing was drink, smoke and invite girls over, âguys, tell them?â
âYeahâheâs right,â they all agreed, not maintaining eye contact, looking at each other awkwardly.Â
âOkay, since the beach house is Hyuckâs, why donât we let him decide?â Your mom sighs, looking at Hyuck.Â
Now that the sole attention is on him, he tries to act clueless with a helpless look on his face, especially when you are looking at him with big eyes, lower lip jutting out in a pout.Â
Then he looked back at his friends, who clearly wanted the girl to go, minus Mark at least. Lastly, he looked at your mom, who only smiled, and that was enough of an excuse for Hyuck to say with the sweetest smileâ
âOf course, Y/n and her friend are always invited.â
âHe said yes,â you were on the phone, explaining the whole situation to Yunjin, knowing well that sheâd be more than ready to accompany you for your rendezvous.Â
âHe what?â She exclaimed, knowing that the boys would never take your side, especially in front of Mark.Â
âI know, mom sorta helped cause Haechan never says no to mom, itâs like heâs her favourite child or something,â a humorous laugh left your lips.Â
âWell, he will be once he becomes your boyfriend,â Yunjin gushed, âweâll make sure he notices you this time, weâve got a whole week to make it work.âÂ
You had rushed up the stairs and into your room as soon as the decision had been made, followed by the loud complaints of Markâwhich you did not bother to hear, calling Yunjin to fill her in with the situation instead.Â
She was packing as you were speaking.Â
In all honesty, it never crossed your mind that you would actually want to seduce Haechan, provided that he was Markâs friend, which would lead to fights you definitely didnât wish to be a part of, but you were an adult, so Mark held no authority over you.Â
Thereâs nothing wrong with having a little fun after all.Â
âIâm not giving you a ride,â Mark deadpanned when you got back downstairs, your mother looking at him with disappointment.Â
âIâll take a cab then,â you rolled your eyes.Â
âNo need, youâre taking two cars and itâs enough to fit you all,â your mom finally said, âwhoâs driving?âÂ
âMe and Mark,â Hyuck replied, voice innocent as you turned to look his way, âMark is taking the bigger one.â
âIs that so? All boys can go with Mark then. Wonât you give a lift to Y/n and Yunjin, Hyuck?â Your mom asked, knowing he wonât say no.Â
She was good at persuasion, unknowingly giving Haechan the full opportunity to be with you, which is exactly what he was aiming for in the first place.Â
Haechan only nodded earnestly, eyes almost shining as he looked back at you, âof course, you can ride with me,â he said, ignoring the glare thrown his way by Mark as your name rolled off his tongue, âY/n.â
As if his voice and gaze wasnât enough for you to stop breathing in a room full of people, the subtle smirk on his lips successfully had your knees buckling with anticipation.Â
Never in a million years you had thought that youâd be riding shotgun in Hyuckâs car, with him driving and humming along to songs under his breath. You had worn the shortest skirt you managed to find in your closet and the little trick had worked as you saw him staring at your legs when you first came downstairs, announcing that you and Yunjin were ready to leave for the trip.Â
Not only did it grab the attention of the boy you had been targeting, but also it garnered attention of Jaemin, who at least tried to act respectful by gulping and looking away.Â
Hyuck on the other hand believed that he should blatantly stare at the things which are to be admired, including your legs.Â
It didnât take long for you guys to load your bags into his car, as the other one left ten minutes before you guys. Yunjin wasnât a fan of long drivesâtwo hours in your case, so she put on her AirPods and closed her eyes the second she got into the back seat, also to give you privacy with Haechan.Â
He drove with one hand, the other resting on his thigh. The rings and chain adorning his body caught your attention for a second too long. His hands were definitely bigger than yours, veins popping out whenever he gripped the steering wheel.Â
The aura around him was too strong, as if he was a magnet ready to pull everyone towards him, you were no exception.Â
âLike the rings, darling?â He asked, eyes on the road with the corner of his lip upturned.Â
The question successfully broke your train of thoughts. It was probably the first conversation you had with him, excluding the usual greetings.Â
And he kick-started it by calling you darling.Â
âTheyâre pretty,â you replied, not letting the nickname phase you, despite heat creeping up your neck.Â
His smile widened at your answer and he swiftly got a ring off his finger, passing it to youâagain, without even looking your way.Â
âTheyâll look prettier on you,â he says ever so smoothly, and you bite your lips, trying to stop the smile from widening as your fingers brush against his, taking the ring and inspecting the design, âdonât wear that in front of the boys though, theyâll flip.â
An amused chuckle left your lips, something which Haechan did not expect, âwhy? Still scared of Mark and his empty threats?â You asked.Â
He pissed you off too much with his donât come near my sister or Iâll make your life a living hell threat to others, and you were bitter about it.Â
âNow, why would I be scared of Mark?â He scoffed.Â
âBecause youâre one of his friends who arenât even allowed to look my way,â you said as a matter of fact, breath hitching the second you felt his fingers on your thigh, the warmth of his palm juxtaposing the cold metal of his rings.Â
The car was stopped at the red light, âIâve always looked you in the eye, sweetheart,â he whispered, confirming his statement by turning his head and staring right into your eyes, the tension palpable as your gazes locked, the look being too alluring for you to break the eye contact.Â
His whole demeanour changed in a second when his serious expression morphed into a sweet smile, the kind that makes you melt right before he shifted his focus back on the road as if he hadnât just provided you a sliver of hope about him being interested in you.Â
He, however, didnât bother moving his hand which was gripping your thigh lightly, his fingers were long and looked exceptionally pretty on your skin. You couldnât help but look out of the window, trying not to let your thoughts get out of hand.Â
It certainly didnât help that he was singing explicit romantic songs with all his might while your best friend was sleeping peacefully in the backseat.Â
Haechan loved every single reaction he got out of you, your little shivers when he caressed your thigh, your breath hitching for the very same reason midway a conversation, and your sweet blabber as you he initiated a conversation.Â
âHow was school?â He asked after a while.Â
The conversation flowed smoothly after, the ride wasnât long after all, his hand caressing your thigh throughout the journey, and you wished for it to be longer.Â
The beach house wasnât a house apparently, but a mansion with how grand it was. Meaning, everyone would easily get their own rooms. Markâs car was already parked as they reached earlier, but you saw Jaemin coming out when he heard the sound of Hyuckâs car, helping you take the bags inside with his ever so charming smile while Yunjin and you silently gushed about the beach view.Â
Others were busy preparing for the party that was to be held at nightâwhich was news to you.Â
The interior was in the shades of black, white, and greys, matching Haechanâs personality in a peculiar manner, given that he was filled with colours of all sorts.Â
You and Yunjin selected the adjacent rooms on the first floor, the balcony giving you a pretty view wasnât something youâd want to miss out on. Haechan occupying the room which was right in front of your room is another thing which boosted your excitement.Â
The next few hours flew by as you rested on the beach with Yunjin, soaking up warmth of the sand with the cold ocean waves reaching your toes. It felt peaceful.Â
âSo, what are you gonna wear to woo Haechan today?â Yunjin asked, sipping on her iced beverage.Â
The sun was about to set, your eyes never leaving the sky which displayed all shades of red, yellow and orange, âwhat do you mean?â
âI mean that thereâs no way they wonât be inviting girls, it was supposed to be a boys trip after all to get their dicks wet,â she said as a matter of fact.Â
You winced again, not having it in you to watch your brother surrounded by girls.Â
âAnd if Haechan was flirting with you, then itâs your chance to flirt back now, given that Mark would be drunk beyond the point of recovery. Not to mention how youâll have to do something so he doesnât stray off and give attention to other girls,â Yunjin listed out.Â
She was right, it wasnât like you were going to get this chance again, âred dress or black dress?â You asked with a playful smile and she squealed, rushing you into your room to help you get ready.Â
The music was blaring by the time you applied the last swatch of lipstick, smacking your lips for the colour to blend in perfectly, complementing your skin tone ever so perfectly. Yunjin doing the same beside you.Â
You werenât sure how they managed to gather all this crowd for a party, granted you guys didnât even live here, yet who would question these boys, an online invite and people would come running to attend their parties.Â
Which was the case at the given moment as well. The second you stepped out from your assorted room, you found Jeno practically eating a girlâs face off with how passionately they were kissing right beside the door, the music blaring in the background as you tried to overcome the initial shock of seeing your brotherâs friend going what youâd consider wild.Â
Making your way downstairs, you put on your best confident expression, your eyes immediately looking around, trying to find a certain black haired guy.Â
Yunjin stopped you, pointing at the corner of the room where Hyuck was sitting with girls surrounding him, Renjun right next to him, a scoff of disbelief leaving your lips when one of them oh so comfortably sat down on his lap, his arm wrapping around her waist so naturally.Â
Yet you couldnât deny just how effortlessly attractive he looked in that black button up, the first few buttons undone to reveal his chest. The eyeshadow enhancing the look of his eyes to appear more slutry than they already seemed to be.Â
Great. This is what you came on this trip forâto see Hyuck tilting the chin of a random girl, shoving his tongue inside her mouth.Â
This wonât do, you averted your gaze, going straight to get alcohol, any kind would do, you just needed a boost of confidence to work upon your plan. Yunjin knew exactly what you were up to, winking at you before wandering off in the crowd.Â
âNot dancing tonight?â Jaemin asked, standing right next to you as he poured himself a drink.Â
His presence made your job easier, especially when he looked so good tonight. His dark hair was a little messy, sleeves rolled up as he was clad in all black, a simple chain adorning his slender neck.Â
Perfect bait to get a reaction out of Haechan.Â
If heâd bother to look your way, that is.Â
âTalking to me tonight? Not scared of my brother anymore?â Your lips curled up, amused.Â
That earned a laugh out of him, âheâs locked up in a room as we speak,â he said over the music. Translation: he was busy fucking someone and he wonât be here to monitor your moves.Â
Your nose scrunched, not wanting to think about your brother doing the deed. Jaemin walked alongside you as you took up his offer to dance, but also made sure that you could see Haechan clearly with your spot.Â
His eyes turned your way for the first time tonight the second you started moving your body along to the rhythm. The distance was fair, yet it felt as if you were the only person in this room and he was the only spectator to your actions.Â
Jaeminâs hand came to rest on your waist, your body in sync with his moves, the proximity close and a blissful expression on your face.Â
Again, you subtly looked Hyuckâs way, only to find his eyes darker than ever, not straying away from you for even a second, the girl on his lap long forgotten as he couldnât find a reason to give her his attention anymore.Â
Not when you were dancing with Jaemin, not when your dress rode up, revealing your thighs, not when Jaemin whispered in your ear and you giggled, getting closer to him.Â
He couldnât stand it, the muscle in his jaw clenched, his tongue pushed against the inside of his cheek with annoyance bubbling up in his body.Â
You turned around, only to find Haechan missing from the spot he was sitting at. All of a sudden, you excused yourself from Jaemin and made your way around the room, to find him again and you failed to do so.Â
The roomâs atmosphere got stuffy as the night progressed and you made your way upstairs to your room in need of fresh air which was very well provided by the grand balcony.Â
Just as you twisted the door knob, getting inside the room, you gasped as Hyuck closed the door behind you, pushing you against the wooden surface of the door, his scent taking over your senses seamlessly as you breathed in deeply.Â
âHyuckââ you whispered, hyper aware of how close he was to you, his body pressed against yours in a way you could feel his torso muscles. His face tilted ever so slightly, just enough for your noses to brush against each other.Â
The position alone sent you into a state of frenzy, and he didnât even let you finish speaking out his name as he chuckled darkly.Â
âDidnât know you were into Jaemin, darling,â he whispered, causing you to gulp down the nervousness, which was of no use as your knees felt even weaker with his slender finger tracing your cheek, stopping right by your lips, âdancing with him while wearing the ring that I gave you.â His thumb caressing your bottom lip, parting it ever so slightly, âdoesnât really sound fair to me now, does it, baby?â He asked, stopping his actions and looking your right in the eye.Â
You couldnât show him how affected you were with possessiveness laced tone, âI donât see how itâs unfair, Haechan,â you smiled sweetly, keeping your hand on his chest.Â
âWrong,â he said in a beat, âhis intentions arenât pure,â he provided.Â
You chuckled, turning your face to the side for a second, âwhat about your intentions?â You dared to ask.Â
His hold on you tightened, âyou wanna know my intentions?â He asked, voice so low it gave you goosebumps as he moved even closer to you, his lips on the verge of touching yours.Â
They never fully touched, your hand becoming a barrier between you two, âmaybe some other day,â you whispered, the expression in his eyes unreadable, âsomeday when you donât come here with tainted lips after kissing god knows how many girls,â you smiled tightly, pushing him aside, the alcohol only providing you with unadulterated courage.Â
He pulled you back, hand wrapped around your wrist so his torso was pressed against your back, which vibrated with his chuckles, âdidnât know it bothered you that much, pretty,â his lips touched your earlobe.Â
âIt doesnât,â you seethed out, trying not to sound breathless as you shrugged out of his hold, âbesides, we mean nothing to each other. I wonât stop you from snogging anyone and you canât stop me from dancing with anyone.â
Thatâs all you said before slipping out of his grasp, rushing in and closing the bathroom door behind you and breathing in deeply. The feeling of his touch still lingering on your body, he was jealous as you were and he was so close.Â
So close to kissing you.Â
Hyuck leaned against the door on the opposite side of you, âwe mean nothing to each other?â He scoffed under his breath, the image of Jaeminâs hands on your waist coming back to his mind. He was wrong to pay attention to someone else, he admits, but now he was determined to give you all his attention.Â
âYouâre mine, you just donât know that yet,â he says, knowing you wonât be able to hear him, âall mine,â his tone was possessive still as he walked out of the room.Â
The boys woke up all hungover the next morning, while you and Yunjin snuck out of the mansion before others woke up, only to avoid Hyuck, which was almost funny given that you were here to get his attention.Â
Regardless, you sat in this cute cafe you found nearby, explaining the whole situation to your best friend. The slight smirk on her face gave away the fact that she was proud of you for not giving him attention last night. Itâll only make him want you more, she had said.Â
Mark called you right after you finished your meal, âwhere are you?â He asked, panicked, âdonât tell me you got kidnapped,â the horror was clear in his voice and you rolled your eyes, not understanding how his brain worked.Â
âI literally left a note on the fridge that Iâll be out for lunch and shopping, Mark,â you explained, almost laughing when you heard him say oh. He was standing right in front of the fridge apparently.Â
âRight, have fun,â he said, hanging up the call.Â
He wasnât the best brother but he did care. At times, more than he needed to.Â
âOkay so hereâs the plan,â Yunjin started to explain. She loved giving out ideas and they always worked, which is why you found yourself in the swimsuit store, purchasing the one which flattered your body in the best manner.Â
âAnd donât lock your room at night. Knowing Haechan, he would definitely give you a little visit after seeing you pull that stunt.âÂ
The sun was setting and you were almost back at the mansion. You enjoyed the day and it was a great plan to get Hyuck out of your head, even though it wasnât possible despite the fact that it had been only two days since you came back and met him again.Â
Tonightâs plan was to have a bonfire by the beach, grill meat and have a good time. Mark had finally accepted and asked everyone to tone down and make the trip more family friendly, hence the bonfire. Â
The place was empty when you got back in, and you saw the boys setting up the barbecue when you changed into your dress before making your way to join them.Â
âRemember the plan?â Yunjin asked and you nodded, loving the feel of cold sand beneath your foot.Â
Hyuck was the first one to notice your presence, his dark eyes fixated on your figure as you walked towards them, Jaemin being the second one as he smiled your way, to which you smiled back sweetly.Â
You still had Hyuckâs ring on as you approached the place where Hyuck and Jaemin were grilling the meat, Mark was sitting down and playing his guitar while Jeno and Renjun sang along to the song, Yunjin being a great singer also joined those three.Â
âCan I have a taste?â You asked, looking at Jaemin with hopeful eyes.Â
The weather was cold yet the burning stare of a certain someone had you feeling all kinds of warmth, yet you didnât look his way.Â
âOf course, say ah,â Jaemin said, eyes shining as he held the piece of meat for you and you gladly accepted it, your lips touching his fingers in a caress, the juicy taste making you hum out in pleasure.Â
In a second, you were turned around, âthereâs something on your lips,â Hyuck muttered, expression stoic as he brushed his thumb on your lower lip, âall cleaned.â
You would have laughed at the jealousy had his action not been so intimidating, as if he was warning you not to do this.Â
âThanks,â you said, voice extra sweet before you looked back at Jaemin who was confused at the exchange, âcan I have more?â You asked.Â
âHere.â Hyuck shoved a plate in your hands before Jaemin could even reply, âenjoy your food,â he said, smiling but his eye twitched in the process, making you bite your lower lip to contain your laugh yet again and you sat down finally.Â
âDo you think the water would be cold right now?â Jeno asked no one in general, his intrusive thoughts winning. Â
âWhy? Wanna take a dip?â Mark asked with a laugh, eyebrows raising once he realized that Jeno was serious about it.Â
âItâll be fun,â he said as everyone laughed around him.Â
âThereâs no light out here, Jeno,â Renjun said.Â
âItâll be fun.â
âThe waves are strong too,â Mark reasoned.
âItâll be fun.â
âOkay, his vocabulary is limited,â Hyuck said, sitting by you as Jaemin handed over the plates to everyone, Mark sparing a glance to make sure Hyuck didnât sit too close to you.Â
âWe can go one hour after eating, just dip our toes in,â Yunjin suggested and you guys agreed as Mark resumed playing his guitar.Â
âHave more, Y/n.â Jaemin smiled, giving you more pieces to eat from his own plate.Â
Haechan didnât remember the last time he felt so pissed over something this small, he couldnât help but roll his eyes. It had been two whole days since you made your comeback in his life but those two days were enough for him to want you, granted he did have a crush on you for the longest time, only now it wasnât just your sweetness he was attracted to.Â
âThank you, nana,â you beamed, the nickname only infuriating Hyuck more while you could see Jaemin blush faintly and you truly wondered how all these goofballs pulled girls so easily.Â
âNana,â Hyuck mocked under his breath, Yunjin noticing the atmosphere and slightly pushing you towards him.Â
âYouâre doing brilliantly,â she whispered, âhe looks like heâll blow up anytime now.â
It felt nice, sitting in front of the bonfire while listening to others singing. You knew you were trying to make Hyuck jealous yet it was hard not to stare at his face, which basked in the glow of fire. He was already looking your way, noticing how you still had his ring on, which only tempted him to pull you on his lap, yet he knew it was impossible with your brother monitoring his every move.Â
âLetâs go into the water,â Jeno repeated, as Mark smirked.Â
âOn the count of one, two,â he said, and didnât even finish before your eyes widened as your brother came to pick you up in hopes of throwing you into the cold water.Â
Mark was escapable. Jeno on the other hand, not so much and it didnât help how they both had lifted you up despite your thrashing and whining and ran towards the water.Â
âMark I swear Iâll kill youââ you warned and Yunjin had the time of her life recording this whole scene.Â
Renjun continuously reminded the boys to stay safe while also doing godâs work by providing you with the flashlight set on the highest setting from his phone.Â
Within a second, you were screaming and thrashing as the boys dropped you into the cold water, laughing and doing the same with a horrified Renjun before rushing towards the mansion, especially Mark, leaving you all cold.Â
Hyuck rushed to close the flashlight.Â
You were wearing white, and the water only made your clothes look transparent, which is why Hyuck was taking his jacket off, but yet again, Jaemin was quick to wrap his leather jacket around your shivering frame.Â
He was glad that you were covered but the annoyance was clear on his face, the amusement long gone even with you muttering and plotting Mark and Jenoâs murder with Renjun.Â
Nor did he enjoy the sight of Jaemin taking you back to the villa, acting all protective as if he was your knight in shining armour.Â
âYouâre making it so obvious that youâre jealous,â Yunjin quipped, noticing how everyone walked ahead of them, rushing to the mansion.Â
He laughed out, ending it with a scoff, âI have no reason to be,â he said, voice calm, âsheâs mine anyways,â he shrugged, determination clear in his eyes.Â
âWow, youâre not even scared to admit it out loud? What if Mark hears?â She asks and Hyuckâs expression sours.Â
âHe wouldnât approve. Thatâs a given but thatâs not enough to stop me,â he shrugged yet again.Â
âOkay Mr. Someone is stealing your girl as we speak though,â Yunjin pointed out, a fake sympathetic scowl on her face.Â
Haechan hated feeling this way, the feeling where things do not go his way. He hadnât felt this way sinceâforever. He had everything he wanted, but not you. Mark being a hindrance is something he considered to be normal till some extent, but Jaemin? Thatâs unacceptable.Â
âIâll take care of it.â
It was one in the morning and you were wrapped up in a blanket, sitting down near the balcony to observe the spectrum of stars which you could have sworn were shining.Â
Being thrown into the water wasnât the best experience per se, but you knew it would soon turn into a funny memory you guys would look back at someday in the future. Yet, it wasnât something you were thinking about much, granted you had better things to ponder about.Â
Lee Haechan.Â
You well expected him to show at least a sliver of reaction, some sort of outburst during the evening, however it never came. Either he was plotting revenge or he simply didnât care enough. Or he was trying to keep it in, your mind tried to reason with you.Â
You sighed, getting up and closing the sliding doors of the big balcony in hopes of getting a cozy sleep. You needed that warmth after all. Just as you dropped the blanket on the bed, the door swung openâwhich shouldnât have happened, given that you were sure you had locked it.
Haechan entered the room, closing the door behind him and you couldnât help but stand at your place, shocked at his sudden appearance, âhow did youââÂ
âItâs my place, I can get in and out anytime I want,â he replied, voice smooth, giving you goosebumps as he walked closer to you.Â
He was clad in sweatpants and a white T-shirt, the attire was simple, yet he made it look a hundred times more attractive than the usual.Â
âOh,â you breathed out, the dim lights of the room caused his skin to glow a beautiful shade of golden.Â
There wasnât a single ounce of jealousy on his face, rather, he looked content with the setting, settling down and sitting on the corner of the bed, his dark eyes staring at you, the silence louder than ever.Â
âUhm, soâdid you want something?â You asked, wincing at your tone as you suddenly felt conscious under his gaze, slightly aroused too, not knowing what he was actually here for.Â
He clicked his tongue, looking away for a second before his eyes settled on you for the second time.Â
Hyuck gave you no time to process anything as his hands grabbed your wrist, pulling you to him in a single hard tug, which had your body stumbling forward and right on his lap.Â
He held on to your waist, helping you stabilize your balance, âwhatâs wrong, princess? You were so confident, getting cozy with Jaemin, huh?â He raise his brow, letting the possessiveness show on his face, the I donât give a fuck facade disappearing.Â
Your breath hitched with the movement of his fingers on your waist, his thumb rubbing circles on the part where your top had ridden up to expose your skin.Â
âHe was just being nice,â you breathed out, shivering slightly.Â
He rolled his eyes at your statement, a scoff leaving his lips before he leaned in, earning a gasp out of you. His nose caressed yours, and you were scared to move, his lips hovering above yours.Â
âJust being nice my ass,â he clicked his tongue yet again, and suddenly you were hyper aware about the fact that you were breathing in the same air, âyou wanted to know my intentions, right, princess?â He asked, âthen listen, I want you all to myself,â his tone was raspy, your fingers digging into his shoulders for support, âdonât think I didnât notice your subtle glances towards me, especially when you were with Jaemin,â he chuckled and you gulped, looking elsewhere.Â
He was quick to grab your chin, making you look right in his eyes, âtrying to get me jealous, darling? Well, good for you, it fucking worked.â
âHyuckââ you whimper, your body heating up as you realized you were sitting right on his crotch.Â
âShh, bad girls donât get to talk,â he shook his head, disappointed, ânow what do we do about this? Maybe Iâll just have to claim your body to make you understand that you donât need to make me jealous to have all my attention,â he suggested.Â
You could feel the wetness down in your lacy panties and he hadnât even touched you. Something about the way his voice came out so luscious, something about the way his touch made you feel like putty, something about his eyes made you feel mesmerized.Â
âTell me, baby. Can I mark you mine?â He asked and you felt your heart flutter, his voice was gentle when he asked for your consent, and you couldnât hold back from wanting him anymore, nodding gently, âuse your words, love,â he urged, lips parted.Â
âYes,â you whispered, grabbing on to him as he bit your lip, eliciting another gasp out of you, a teasing smirk on his face.Â
âYeah? You sure you can handle it?â He asked and you tugged on to his collar, impatiently pulling you to him.Â
âLetâs find out,â you mumbled.Â
Without any more delay, you closed the distance between you both, his hand coming to rest on your nape, tilting your head to kiss you passionately, his tongue brushing over your lips, parting them with ease for your tongue to graze the tip of his own.Â
The room felt misty as you continued to kiss, his kisses getting more possessive by second, thinking about how no one else should have you, that you belong to him. He picked you up with ease, putting you underneath him on the bed, his kisses trailing down as you took a deep breath.Â
âYouâre so fucking beautiful,â he mumbled midway kisses, some were long, especially the ones around your clavicle and neck region while the others were feather soft, driving you insane to the point of no return. It only ascended when his fingers finally lifted up your top, exploring the expanse of your skin with teasing touches.Â
Your back arched as soon as he caresses the area under your tits, before cupping them fully, leaning back to get rid of your top altogether. You couldnât shy under his gaze, the way he looked at you only boosted your confidence, as if he was a predator hungry for a meal and you were his precious prey, all ready to be devoured.Â
He had no time to waste, his mouth working fast to lean down, swirling his tongue around your hardened nipples, noticing how you react to his each touch, fondling your other tit, hearing you whimper and beg for more, his name chanting on your lips out of sheer pleasure.Â
âItâs so fucking cute how your body reacts to every little touch of mine,â he whispered, biting your earlobe in the process, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he stuffed his pretty fingers inside your shorts, chuckling when he realizes how soiled your lacy panties had gotten, âfuck, I wanna taste that pretty cunt,â he says, taking off his T-shirt before doing the same to your shorts, dragging your panties down alongside it.Â
You found yourself drooling at the sight of Hyuckâs muscles, he had started going to the gym and the results were clearly visible on his body, but you were ripped out of your thought train when he bit your inner thigh, causing you to clench around nothing, giving you kisses and licks all over, but not touching the part where you needed him the most.Â
âPâplease,â you cried out of frustration, and he immersed himself, licking a big stripe of your wet cunt, genuinely loving the taste as he hummed with satisfaction, holding your thighs open with his strong arms, âoh god,â you moaned out, causing him to smirk against your wetness, pressing sweet kisses to your clit.Â
It felt like heaven when you were being destroyed by the demon himself.Â
Hyuck was hard, his thick cock barely containing itself from splitting your pussy into two, but he wanted to see you fall apart on his tongue first, âyour cunt,â he said, licking it to make a point, âbelongs to me,â he whispered and you nodded.Â
âItâs yoursâall yours!â
âThatâs my good fucking girl, youâre all mine,â he said, his tongue prodding at your entrance, fucking your pussy, which gave you more pleasure than you had ever felt through your life.Â
It didnât take long for you to feel your lower abdomen tightening, your fingers tugging on his silky black roots as he ate you out like a madman, as if he was drunk in the essence of your pussy. With a cry, you found yourself falling apart all over his tongue and he lapped it up, coming to kiss you right after, letting you taste yourself in his mouth. He knew youâd be overstimulated, but thatâs exactly what he was aiming for when he finally pulled out his cock. You knew heâd be thick, but you underestimated him still, knowing well his cock wouldnât fit in your cunt.Â
âGonna claim you mine,â he whispered, intertwining his fingers with yours as he positioned himself on your entrance, âfuck, youâre all mine,â he said, kissing you deeply to absorb all yours moans as he pushed himself inside you.Â
Your wetness helped him, yet he had to thrust in a few times to bottom out and could feel yourself clenching around him uncontrollably, loving the stretch and also the fact that he was twitching inside of you.Â
His fingers grabbed your hips in a tight hold as he started pistoning into you at a pace which you hadnât expected, and you were sure you looked crazy with how your eyes were teary, your hair a mess and your lips swollen, courtesy of the boy who groaned and slapped your cunt, fucking you deeper.Â
âThatâs it, baby, youâre taking me so well,â he praised and you let out broken sentences which he couldnât comprehend, you were too gone, pushed into your subspace to the point you simply let Hyuck do all the work, moaning and whimpering for him, trying to keep your noises at bay in case anyone wakes up.Â
Just when you both were about to read your high, he stopped fucking you, making you whimper out in distress, only to have you flipped with your ass up and head down on the pillow.Â
It didnât take him a second before he was entering your cunt again, fucking you from behind in hopes of giving you the brutal backshots you deserved, to fuck you in a way that youâll be ruined forever, not even wanting to go back to another guy for their cock.Â
This also gave him the perfect opportunity to spank your ass, the hurt only making you clench around him harder.Â
âFuckâIâm soâso close,â you sobbed, voice coming out muffled and Hyuck rubbed your clit to stimulate you further.Â
âGo on, baby. Give me everything,â he urged and you both finally let go, groaning and whining as he filled you up with his cum, mixing it with your juices.
It felt as if the universe had blessed you with the highest amount of unadulterated pleasure one could have, and your eyes closed shut as Hyuck lay down next to you, breathing in and out just as quick as you to regain his strength to breathe properly.Â
âY/n,â he whispered, more gently this time, pulling you into a sweet kiss as you smiled into it, finding it amusing that he was the same guy who brutally fucked you not even a few minutes back, âyou really are mine, yeah?â He said, caressing your cheek.Â
âYeah?â You asked in a whisper and he nodded earnestly, getting a washcloth and helping you into the bathroom, feeling proud when you couldnât stand up properly.Â
He was sweet. Sweeter than you had ever expected him to be and thatâs why you found yourself kissing him again, and again as you both washed up in the shower, turning it to the point you both couldnât help but giggle, his forehead resting against yours.Â
âI really do like you, baby,â he whispered.Â
âI really like you too, Hyuck,â you replied, feeling happier than you had ever felt, spending a while in his embrace, talking and kissing and eventually, falling asleep in his arms as you both smiled faintly, even in your deep slumber.Â
Hurt.Â
Thatâs what your body felt the second you blinked open your eyes. Images from last night revisiting you as a montage, a small smile lingered on your face, discarding the fact that you were disappointed, not having Hyuck by your side when you woke up, but then again, it was still better than getting caught by Mark.Â
With the support of the bedside tables, you managed to stand up on your wobbly feet, stablizing yourself before going into the bathroom to freshen up, you needed that long bath to soothe down your muscles.Â
Now wrapped up in your bath robe, you passed by the door, only to hear the sound of someone arguing. Curiosity got the best of you as you walked back, twisting the knob to open it just the right amount for it to not be noticeable, gladly the door opened seamlessly.Â
âStop playing with her feelings,â Jaemin whisper-yelled, and your heartbeat rose when you saw how it was directed towards Hyuck.Â
âWho the fuck even said Iâm playing with her?â Hyuck asked, his voice full of exasperation and anger.Â
Jaemin scoffed, you hadnât seen that expression on his face, ever. âSo youâre just gonna go around fucking her right after Mark told you, specifically might I add, to stay away from her. What are you trying to do here? Take revenge by proving a point?âÂ
Your heart dropped hearing that sentence. Sneaking around made sense because Mark would, without any doubts, be against this setting, but what revenge was Jaemin talking about? When did Mark ask Hyuck to stay away from her, specifically at that?Â
âThatâs none of your business,â Hyuck replied, teeth gritted, âbesides, werenât you the one begging for her attention by putting up your good boy act? We arenât that different, Jaemin,â he mocked, âyou only want her cause sheâs Markâs sister.â
Your lip wobbled at his confession, he hadnât agreed to Jaeminâs claims yet he hadnât denied it either and suddenly you didnât feel comfortable, all the positive energy drained as you rushed to get dressed, to get out.Â
You trusted Hyuck too easily, and you knew youâd have to confront him about this, but you didnât feel like doing it now. You wanted to go back home, alone, to deal with your inconvenience which would bother you for a while now.Â
So you did what you had to do: run away from your problems.Â
You texted Mark that youâd be taking his car, also mentioning it to Yunjin that youâll be going back home, as you rushed to get dressed up and sneak out of the place without Hyuck knowing, and you were successful in doing so, sighing as soon as you started driving back.Â
Hyuck thought you were sleeping in, and he couldnât enter your room with everyone being awake and roaming around, especially when Jaemin knew what you two had done last night.Â
The reminder only made him smile, as cliche as it sounds, he had never felt this way with other girls, your little confession only made his heart beat faster. You liked him back, and thatâs all that mattered.Â
âYo, why did Y/n leave? Sheâs not picking up the calls either?â Hyuck heard Mark ask Yunjin, who knew exactly what was up.Â
âSheâs got some work to take care of, you donât have to worry about it,â Yunjin patted his shoulder before making her way out to the beach to call you again. She knows you want space, but she also knows you like it when she checks up on you.Â
Now, that was news to Hyuck, his eyes widening as he rushed to open the door to your room, only to find you werenât actually there.Â
âFuck,â he mumbled, getting his phone out and calling you, only for it to get declined, âno, fuck,â he groaned, thinking about if he upset you in any way, yet he couldnât understand why youâd leave, especially when you were so happy when you went to sleep.Â
Or maybe she heard you talking to Jaemin, his subconscious spoke up, making him lose his mind and punch the wall next to him, running down the stairs to follow Yunjin, calling out her name which caused her to pause and remove her sunglasses.Â
âWhere is Y/n?â He asked, breathing heavily.Â
âAre you playing with her feelings?â She asked instead of replying to his question, âcause if thatâs the case then I donât care if weâre staying at your mansion, Iâll have to kick and break your baby making machine.â Her smile was threatening.Â
âOh god, thatâs not it!â Hyuck was frustrated, âIâve liked her since we were kids, I'm not joking around,â he said earnestly, âis she upset, why did she leave?âÂ
Yunjin watched the boy with amusement in her eyes, âyouâre so dumb actually. If you like her enough then why arenât you running after her right now? Get in your car and get your girl, shoo,â she dismissed him and Hyuck didnât wait to chat about how she shouldnât shoo him away, rather, he ran to grab his car keys, not paying attention to Renjun who asked why he was in such a hurry.Â
Hyuck didnât want any miscommunications whatsoever, it had been an hour since you had left, and itâll probably be impossible to cover that distance in a short while so he decided to drive faster and get to your place.Â
âY/n, baby, please listen to me,â he muttered to himself, trying to call you again.Â
You werenât dating. It had barely been a week since you came back, a few days since he had started to get to know this new side of you and he didnât want it to stop, not when heâs genuinely liked you for so long, minus his fuckboy ways of course.Â
Mark had tried to call him a few times too, sensing that something was up, yet Hyuck didnât pick up those calls, focusing on driving till he finally reached your place, relieved to see Markâs car parked there.Â
He knew there was an extra key under the third potted plant on the entrance, and thatâs exactly what he took and opened the door. The living room was empty, which caused him to rush up the stairs to find you in your room, his chest heaving up and down.Â
The sudden voice startled you, your mouth going dry at the sight of Hyuck.Â
You couldnât avoid him after all.Â
âHyuck, is everything okay? What are you doing hereâwhy are you here?â You asked, pretending to be okay.Â
âDid you hear us in the morning?â He asked, eyes softer than you had ever seen.Â
You opened your mouth to speak, but stopped, gulping down your emotions before staring at your feet, âI did,â you whispered, âbut itâs fine, Hyuck. The sex was greatââ
You didnât look up while rambling, and it was cut short when Hyuck pulled you into his embrace, warmth spreading all over your body with how he held you close to him. He couldnât remember the last time he felt so broken seeing someoneâs face, and he couldnât handle that it was because of him that you felt this hurt.Â
âThatâs not true,â he whispered, holding you tighter, you could feel tears forming in your eyes.Â
âNâno oneâs ever approached me because of Mark,â your voice came out muffled, and Hyuck leaned back slightly just to look at your face, his thumb wiping the stray tear that cascaded down your cheek, âi felt like no one wanted to befriend me for me, all girls wanted to get to him through me and all the boys were so scared,â you laughed pathetically, knowing that your story wasnât even sob worthy, âbut you were the only one who still talked to me, even if it was just greeting me, asking me about my day,â you let out your breath.Â
âBaby,â Hyuck cupped your cheeks.Â
âYou were the only exception, Hyuck. Maybe thatâs the reason Iâve always liked you so much. So tell me, was it all a joke?â You asked, eyes serious.Â
âIt wasnât,â he shook his head, gulping down before explaining it to you, âit happened at the party when I offered to drop you home but Mark was against it, thinking that I would use you to only fuck you, but that was not my intention I swear,â he says with a frown.Â
âSo thatâs what you did,â your voice barely came out, it sounded broken.Â
âGodâno. No. I could never do that to you,â he felt helpless, trying to word his sentence properly, âIâve liked you since we were kids, and I was heartbroken when you switched schools and cities. But I just got so excited when Mark told us that you were backâI wanted to see you, talk to you, but Mark only gave me a reminder that I couldnât have you.â
You listened to him, your heart undoubtedly fluttering with how earnest his eyes looked, how the distress of being denied of you flashed clearly on his face.Â
You really wanted to kiss him.Â
âAnd when he gave all those permissions to Jaemin, I couldnât help it. I never had revenge in my mind Y/n. I like you too much to hurt you, and I know weâre not even dating right now, but I donât want anyone to ruin it for us even before our story starts and I swear to god Iâll fight Mark if it means that I can have you,â he breathed out, cheeks flushed as he had confessed to someone for the very first time.
You broke into a smile despite the tears in your eyes, âyou promise?â You held up your pinky finger.Â
He laced his pinky finger with yours, tugging it so you stumble slightly, and he takes it as an opportunity to pull you into a deep kiss, his soft lips caressing yours in a possessive hold, promising that heâll take care of you.Â
âGood, cause I was going to be really upset if you didnât,â you mumbled against his lips.Â
He chuckled before saying, âdonât ever run away from me, yeah?âÂ
You nodded, hugging him back tighter as you felt your anxiety calming down, your smile widening as he kissed your forehead, easing out your worries and you were sure you wanted to give it a tryâyou wanted to give you both a try.Â
Yet another problem lingered in your mind.Â
âSo, about Mark,â you winced, knowing itâll be disastrous.
âShh, weâll think about him later,â he mumbled, but the peacefulness wasnât here to stay for long as a loud voice boomed up, indicating that Jaemin had snitched.Â
âLee fucking Donghyuck, I told you to stay away from my sister!â Mark shouted, your eyes widening as you both looked at each other.Â
âFuck, hide!â
Despite the chaos of hiding in your closet, you knew that Hyuck would always be your exception.Â
hey! uh hey... this might be weird but um happy new year! well, uh that's not the weird part, no the weird part is that um... like... i don't know man. i've recorded this like twenty times already, since uh eleven fifty? i think? i actually wanted to send it before the countdown but um... here we are. yeah i'm not sending this one either. it shouldn't be that hard to confess to the person you like right? not that a phone call is that romantic either but dude... i just can't stop thinking about you. and it's driving me crazy like i can't keep it to myself anymore man. oh shit is that two minutes...oh fuck um no cancel. delete...delete! DELETE DO NOT SEND DO NOT--
JANUARY 1ST, 00:05AM
hey um don't listen to the voicemail you just got from me! i um said some stuff that ... look man i'm a little drunk right now and -- MARK GET OVER HERE -- haechan dude i'm literally on the phone. no it's a voicemail... dude if they picked up i wouldn't be having this conversation with you. stop, dude, come on... no hyuck move--
JANUARY 1ST, 00:10AM
ok um hey, it's me again. uh mark. it's mark. mark lee. i'd appreciate it if you didn't listen to the uh... the two other voicemails i left. i just wanted to call and say um happy new year! you've been on my mind lately and oh... is that weird to say? man that makes me sound like some kind of pervert. uh ignore that then, i mean... i just... can i see you tomorrow? i um... i need to talk to you about something. nothing uh super serious! like don't worry i just... AGAIN? THAT WAS NOT TWO MINUTES I'M NOT DONE YET I--
PAIRING: lee haechan x fem!reader | mcâs best friend johnny, haechanâs roommate mark (+ kinda emotional support boy when mc acts like a loser)
GENRE: non-idol au, strangers to friends with benefits to lovers, getting together, smut, angst, fluff | requested | bonus part
SUMMARY: nobody ever got under your skin, not until Haechan came in your life and changed everything.Â
WARNINGS: smut, protected and unprotected sex (condom first and then mc is on the pill), multiple sex scenes, oral sex, fingering, car sex, riding, fingers sucking, face sitting, rimming, anal, mirror sex, a bit of exhibitionism (as a fantasy), praise, teasing (as in degradation but itâs not hard stuff), handjob, morning sex, kitchen sex, toys (vibrator), overstimulation, (no bdsm but) switchy dynamics, sa doesnât happen but there are a few references to pushy behaviours, mentions of a past car accident and death of a barely mentioned character | I hope I didnât forget anything but if I did, let me know! | kinda implied that both haechan and the reader are bi because in this house we only support mxf bi4bi couples (joking⊠unless) do whatever you want with this information.
A/N: finally writing hyuck as a loser male wife (kinda) my life is complete!!! Itâs been months and Iâm back with a request, I know it took long to write it but I hope whoever requested will like this. Iâm still not sure about the present tense but idk Iâm trying out new things. I would really appreciate if you could support my work in any way, feedback makes me happy and motivates me to keep writing. If you can, reblog so it can reach more people or come and chat in the ask box to let me know your opinion! Love you, enjoy!
It was Johnnyâs fault. Itâs always his fault when things donât go as planned.Â
Itâs his fault if right now you are jumping around Haechanâs bedroom trying to look for your clothes while the clock is running fast, and you are running late.Â
It was Johnnyâs fault for setting you up with Haechan out of all his friends.Â
âCan you please help instead of just staring while I slowly transcend into madness?â
Haechan rolls his eyes, still laying in bed, crumpled-up sheets all over his body. âDamn, all of this for a pair of panties?â
âFor all my clothes. What the hell did we do last night?â You groan, throwing your head back while another exhausted sigh slips from your lips.Â
âDonât know,â he shrugs, shaking his hair out of his face while a small smirk curls his lips, âfucked you so hard you forgot?â
âShut up!â
Haechan sighs another time, eyes rolling in the back of his skull before he stands up and actually starts helping you find your things. You hear him giggle at your muttered curses under your breath but at least heâs helping, studying the room to put your outfit back together.Â
But when you finally are done, he doesnât shut up, heâs not half asleep like he usually is when you sneak out of his place on your tiptoes like a thief.Â
âYou know, I donât even get it,â he says, crossing his arms, eyes fixated on you even if you can only see him with your peripherical view, too occupied putting your panties back on.Â
âWhat?â
âWhy youâre always in a rush. I think this is the first time I wake up with you. I donât bite, you know,â you can hear the sarcasm in his voice and this early in the morning, with those implications, you find it slightly irritating.Â
You scoff, âI wouldnât say that.â
âIt happened once,â he exhales loudly, a hint of annoyance in his voice, âthey looked extra soft.â Thatâs always his justification when you bring up the one time he bit you during sex, his eyes falling on your chest before you swiftly cover it with your arm.Â
âOkay, enough. You are a sleepy head and I have things to do, thatâs why.â
Yeah, thatâs why. Itâs got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you wouldâve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesnât know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse.Â
âWhatever,â he replies, believing in you, slightly disappointed over the fact you implied heâs lazy and sleeps too much. âWe could eat breakââ
âNo!â You scream. âFuck,â you shout again when in the rush of reacting to his absurd proposal you almost zip your panties â or better the skin of your mound â in the zip of your jeans. âI just told you Iâm late.â
Haechan doesnât get you. He thinks he never will. And you can see it in his eyes and the way heâs looking at you. It makes no sense for you to sweat while youâre dressing up again. He also thinks he knows so little of you and has no faint idea of what you could be late for. But he doesnât ask. He might not have rules written, but somehow that feels like crossing some of those lines that are in between you like invisible strings.Â
âMy purse, my purse, where the hell is my purse?â
He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, âCouch, probably. You always throw it there.â
You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits? You scroll that out of your mind and run a hand through your hair â the flat press that now looks like a mess â before walking past him. Itâs so irritating to have him there while you have to escape.Â
âWhy are you following me?â You ask exhausted, turning around to meet him standing right behind you; youâre face to face, and considering he spent half of the night inside you, you shouldnât find it so weird to have him so close, but it is, so you take a step back.Â
ââCause this is my house?â
You huff, âyeah, of course.â Your purse is on the couch where you always throw it, and youâre quick to grab it before heading to the door.Â
âAre you sure you donât ââ
âNo, gotta go. Bye. See ya,â you stop him, waving a last goodbye with a barely visible movement of the hand.Â
The door closes behind you and you finally start breathing normally again.
This is all Johnnyâs fault.
It was Johnnyâs fault.Â
If only he didnât drag you out that night with the lame excuse that you needed to unwind and meet new people.Â
It wasnât totally wrong. Letâs say you arenât the best at making decisions, especially romantically, and you were still caught up with your ex... or whatever he was. You two werenât together anymore, technically. Practically? WellâŠ
But you didnât want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasnât even that good, currently heâs the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didnât end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole.
âCan you please donât run, I canât keep up with you,â you scream, trying to reach your best friend, Johnny, hurrying in your steps, praying you wonât break your ankles.Â
âYou still insist to wear those heels when you canât walk in them,â he jokes, laughing at you, watching you huff and bend over to catch your breath.Â
âItâs not them, itâs you for being so tall, why do you take such big steps?âÂ
Johnny only rolls his eyes before pointing at the bar door with his head, âShould we head in? Need me to carry you or your small legs can drag you inside?âÂ
You frown, glaring at him, âI hate you.âÂ
Johnny smiles, handing out his arm so you can intertwine it with yours and then you step in.Â
The inside of the bar is cosy, the brown of the wood and the shelves make it warmer, and the music playing in the background is a nice company sound that wonât overshadow the talks. You donât have time to look around much more, Johnnyâs hand swiftly wraps around your wrist, and then he starts dragging you somewhere, and you can only activate your brain again to focus on him if you donât want to fall in the middle of the place like a bag of potato.Â
âDude, you finally made it, youâre late.â A boy you donât know exclaims from the table and your eyes follow the line of five heads sitting next to him.Â
âSorry, it was her fault,â Johnny says. Lies, cause you were on time, he picked you up late, making you wait ten minutes under your complexâs porch.Â
You are about to complain but suddenly all the eyes are on you, and you are too conscious about it to do anything else other than stare back at them with an awkward shy smile and a small wave of your hand.Â
âHe picked me up late,â you still manage to babble out cause thereâs no way that will be the first impression of you. You surely have some flaws â many flaws, Johnny would say â but being late itâs not one of them.Â
âYeah, we know,â another one replies, glaring at your friend.Â
âHaechan,â Johnny replies with a scowl to him, and you try to note to yourself thatâs his name. âMove, we need to sit, too.âÂ
You wouldnât have minded sitting at the far end of the bench, not even if you were at risk of falling down every two seconds. It wouldâve been better than being squeezed between Johnny and Haechan. But even if the position is not the best, once again because Johnny takes too much space, after more than an hour you got along with all of his friends, you learned that most of them were dating, or busy with something, so you couldnât quite get why Johnny brought you there. The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense.Â
âSo, how do you know Johnny?â You ask, turning around to look at him while a small smile curls your lips.Â
Haechan smiles, or smirks, itâs almost a chuckle, you canât quite describe it. âAt the gym.âÂ
âAt the gym?âÂ
He rolls his eyes, swiftly licking his lips, and lifting his hands up in defence, âI tried, okay? Itâs just not for me.âÂ
âOh, no, sorry if it came off rudely,â you apologise. âYou didnât seem interested when they talked about it before soâŠâÂ
âCause Iâm not,â he laughs wholeheartedly, and his face softens, making you take a breath of relief, well, good, you didnât fuck it up for once. âWe got close soon and then we started knowing each other out of that hell.â
You laugh at the way he talks about the gym, not that you disagreed, Johnny tried more than once to drag you there but youâre loyal to your Saturday and Sunday morning runs outside or on your treadmill.Â
His eyes fall on yours again, and he briefly studies your features before speaking again, âWhat about you?âÂ
âOh, he was actually my brotherâs best friend, then they fought, and we became inseparable. My brother is still mad but thatâs not my fault.âÂ
Haechan laughs even though a frown hardens his features for a second, something about your tone seemed off for a split moment, but he shrugs it off and tries to joke about it, âUsually that ends with dating.âÂ
Your eyes widen and your head moves from side to side. âOh, hell no.âÂ
âJohnnyâs a dream for a lot of people.âÂ
âYeah, weâre fine as friends,â you confirm again, the mere idea of seeing Johnny as something else making your stomach convulse. You are sure heâs a perfect boyfriend, husband even, to somebody else. Â
âOh, already taken?âÂ
âNo, weâre friends, heâs my soulmate in another way. And I donât do love.âÂ
Haechan stares at you, his eyes moving on your face, the small nervous twitching of the corner of your lips, and the frenetic playing of your fingers with the crumbs on the table. âNo?âÂ
âItâs just not for me. Not in aâŠâ you stop, trying to find the words. You donât have a reason, you just never fell deeply for someone. You surely care for people, and you love your friends, but your relationships never left a deep mark on you. Youâre fine with yourself. âIâm good on my own.âÂ
âBad experiences?â He tries to guess, thinking heâs going to hit the target.Â
You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. âNo, Iâve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.âÂ
He chuckles, and something crosses his face but you donât catch it, it looks like the smirk of before with a glint in his eyes, but itâs too quick, and you donât know him at all to read his micro-expressions that well.Â
âYou?â You ask, feeling a push of curiosity that makes you want to learn more about him. His lips move, but you have no time to carry on the conversation since the others arrived.Â
Back then you didnât know where that night wouldâve led you. You had no idea that the person that wouldâve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnnyâs fault.Â
Youâre sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didnât happen. You two didnât even exchange numbers, you canât even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friendâs arm.Â
Whatever led you here started a few weeks after, probably even a month later, when Haechan had already slipped out of your mind, long forgotten, categorized with those people that if you saw somewhere you were sure you already knew, but couldnât remember when, why, and how.Â
But with him, that didnât happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you wouldâve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him.Â
âLook whoâs alive,â Haechan jokes, looking at you up and down, eyes lingering for a bit longer on your exposed thighs, the pink skirt youâre wearing giving him a good view of your skin. Â
You chuckle, âwhy would I be dead?âÂ
He shrugs, before calling the bartender and ordering you a drink. âDonât know, you disappeared,â he whispers, looking at you.
âI didnât know we wanted to keep contact,â you say, meeting his gaze and drifting away immediately, itâs a subtle movement, enough to make it seem like the stocked bottles of different types of liquor are more interesting than him. You never react like that, thereâs something different in the air tonight and youâre not sure you want to get drunk on that feeling.Â
âYouâre right,â he whispers, and your legs brush for an instant as he sits better on the stool. âI find you interesting, so I was looking forward to seeing you again.âÂ
âReally? After a five-minute talk, I already have that effect on you?â You tease, staring into his brown eyes while you sip on the drink that arrived.Â
âYou talked all night, to be honest. You seem fun to be with,â he defends himself, but you see in the way he acts that heâs confident, your teasing didnât make him uncomfortable or anything, and you donât know where your bickering-flirting method is going to take you. âYouâre friends with Jonny, after all.âÂ
You shake your head, placing the glass down, and then fix your skirt. âSo following your logic you should be charming and attractive too?âÂ
He lifts a hand to stop you, âNever called you charming or attractive, do you think that of me, honey? Want me to think you are?âÂ
Youâre stunned and a bit taken aback because you werenât expecting that answer, and you donât even expect your body to light on fire. Itâs not really about the words, itâs the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And itâs also in the way his body talks, itâs addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face.Â
You shake your head when you realize that you still didnât come up with an answer, too lost in his details to think about a comeback, and youâd like to die when his melodious laugh resonates from his chest.Â
âShould we order another one to ease the tension?â He doesnât give you time to fall down into the deep end of your regrets and embarrassment, heâs smiling at you tenderly, and you smile back.Â
Thereâs something different in the air, and youâre sure about it, just like you feel more and more like you shouldnât get drunk on that feeling.Â
But you donât have a choice when the night drags longer and youâre no longer sitting at the bar but youâre dancing in a corner of the club with his hands all over you. You donât know how you got there, words turned into teasing, teasing turned into something bigger you didnât know how to deal with (he is good with words), and to bear with them you thought dancing wouldâve drawn his quirky remarks out, but Haechan was also good with his body, and once he had you wrapped around him, you didnât know how to stop.Â
You had lost sight of Johnny, but you couldnât care about him. Technically you had to go home with him, but you werenât sure you wanted to.Â
âFuck, girl,â he whispers, âyouâre good at this.âÂ
You roll your eyes, but a laugh rolls out from your chest. âDonât call me girl, it sounds so condescending and you sound like a creep.âÂ
âSorry, prefer other pet names, or is your name fine?âÂ
âMy name is fine.â Your name shouldâve been a neutral thing to keep him away from your heart, at least â even if he actually isnât, he is already deep inside your panties by now. But unfortunately, even the way your name rolls out of his lips makes your heart lose a beat. But you blame it on the night, on the alcohol, and on the fact heâs teasing you, whispering it right next to your ear as if heâs casting a spell on you.Â
You need to breathe some fresh air because Haechan is becoming too much. He was already all over you and you arenât used to this.Â
When you open the door of the bar and lean against the wall, the cold of the night envelops you before his warmth washes over you again.Â
He doesnât talk, though. Even if your eyes are closed you can feel he is staring at your face, fearfully at your lips while they puff out white clouds of air.Â
âShould we take this home?â Those words seem so loud in the quiet of the night, just a few cars passing by and some people stumbling out of the club.Â
You donât reply, your head turns around to stare at him; heâs serious, partially drunk, but serious. And you are in desperate need of a good fuck. Well, you hope it will be a good one, or probably no, maybe you wish it will be terrible so you can rant about it with Johnny and he will make sure you and Haechan never cross paths again. But right now, youâre not thinking with your brain, and you want him, hoping it will be good, and who knows, maybe you can find your perfect distraction.Â
âYour place?â You ask straightforwardly, meeting his eyes.Â
âOh, Markâs at home,â he says, âmy roommate.âÂ
You sigh, you canât take him home either. âWell,â you say, rubbing your neck and looking away, âmaybe next time, then.âÂ
âWait,â he stops you by a hand, âhave you ever done it in a car?âÂ
No, you havenât, and soon you also find out why youâve never done it.
âWill you please stop cursing?â Haechan rasps, pulling your panties down, trying to block your leg from kicking him in the face.Â
âI donât think this is the best place we could â fuck,â the words die in your mouth when, after rolling his eyes and gutturally groaning to shut up, his lips close around your pussy. Itâs a harsh suck on your clit that gets you silent, head rolling back on the backseat. You think that he might be uncomfortable kneeling between your legs, halfway down and halfway up in the space between the front and back seats, but you honestly donât care, thatâs his problem for choosing this out of all the places, not that you had a better alternative, at least the car is clean, unlike the club bathroom.Â
Itâs not the first impression people would go crazy to have about themselves, but fuck, Haechanâs good at this. Itâs like he has a mission, and probably thatâs to make you come in the shortest possible time.Â
âWhy are you so loud?â You ask. Itâs not a complaint, you like hearing him moan against your skin, and as embarrassing as they should be, you enjoy the slurp sounds heâs making while his mouth keeps working wonders on you. But your pleasure-haltered voice doesnât come out how it sounds in your brain and Haechan growls in annoyance.Â
âWhy are you still talking?â He scolds, pulling away from you, and the sight of his face covered in your wetness makes your stomach twist and your hips buck searching for more. You need him back right where he was, immediately. âGood, these are the only reactions I want from you,â he comments mockingly with a snotty grin on his face before he leans down and resumes where he stopped.Â
This time no more words but curses and moans come out of your mouth. Your head falls back slack, and your fingers graze the backseats of his car, trying to hold onto something as the knot in your stomach tightens more with every lick on your sensitive core.Â
âTaste so good,â he hums against you, his hands push your legs up for what he can, and his fingers dip into your soft skin, gripping strongly to keep you in place. The cold of the rings adorning his digits makes you shiver and youâd do anything to have them inside you, but it feels so good that you canât even beg for that, too focused on what heâs already doing with his lips and tongue.Â
âHaechan,â you whisper when he quickens his movements and parts your lips more, starting to also tease your entrance with his tongue and making you feel more exposed. You should be more bothered about the cars â and people â passing next to you in the parking spot, but given by your whimpers and moans, itâs clear you donât care. Truthfully, itâs like you have completely forgotten where you are, not even the painful reminder of the safety beltâs buckle pressing right against your ribcage seems to remind you that youâre in public and anyone could hear â and for now see too, since the windowpanes arenât fogged by the heat of your bodies yet.Â
âMhh, mhh,â he sings in response, opening his eyes to meet yours, looking at you with so much intensity you feel your knees tremble and your thighs close around his head. âNo, no, no, babe, let me do my job.âÂ
You groan; the teasing, almost condescending, tone of his voice fuels a fire in you, and the orgasm chokes you up. You curse when your climax breaks through your body and leaves you gasping for air while Haechan continues pleasuring you through your high. His hands cup your ass, kneading it, while his tongue plays with your extra sensitive pussy for some more before he pulls away and stares at the mess between your legs with a proud, playful smirk curling his reddened and puffy lips.Â
âSo, was it worth it for you, spoiled princess?âÂ
You scoff, brushing your hair back and some sweat off your forehead, while you try to close your legs because suddenly you feel too exposed to him. âYou canât deny the car is a shitty place.âÂ
He laughs and then shakes his head. âSo shitty you canât take some more for me?â He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants.Â
âIf youâre also so good with your dick I think I can take being cramped up in a sardine can some more,â you joke, struggling to sit up because your legs feel like jelly and you canât believe he made you feel that good with his tongue only. Your first time together? And it looked like he genuinely loved giving oral? Was all this luck a sign of something tragic imminent?Â
You scroll your thoughts out of your mind when you feel the sound of the belt unbuckling and his jeans hitting the floor of the car.Â
âFucking worst idea ever,â he curses as he realizes that he canât fuck you with the denim mid-thigh.Â
âI told you,â you retort, and youâd be entertained to watch him curse and struggle some more, pondering if he should just get rid of his shoes too and be naked while anyone could knock on your window and signal you to the police, but you want him too badly and you canât wait any longer, so you propose a thing, âSit here, Iâll ride.âÂ
His eyes light up and you can see the weight being lifted off his chest as he nods and promptly sits in the middle seat. You stare in silence as he pushes the boxers down his legs too before grabbing a condom and rolling it down his length. You could cry because also his dick looks perfect for now, and you donât go around saying it often, but itâs literally the perfect size, it wonât hurt you and yet it will fill you amazingly, you just know.Â
âEnchanted?â He tsk with a bragging tone, winking while he runs his fingers through his hair.
Your eyes roll in the back of your head, but your pussy clenching is your honest reaction, heâs too hot and uses it to his advantage a bit too often, he canât keep getting away with it. So, you go on with your lie, trying to appear unfazed, you shake your head and climb on top of him, luckily you decided to go for the mini skirt and not the long pants tonight, so you donât have access problems. You move your hand to grab the base and lift your hips, only when you feel his tip prod at your entrance you start sinking.Â
âOh, shit,â you moan and your head rolls back when you bottom down completely. You donât move right away, letting yourself get used to his â in fact â perfect girth and length, feeling his hands wrap around your waist to keep you from falling clumsily.Â
Haechan lets out a shaky moan too, and his eyes are closed still when you lift your head and focus on his face, but they snap open when you start moving on him.Â
âFuck, eager?â He groans, biting his lips to donât be too loud, not that it would do anything when youâre moving so fast on him, your ass smacking hard against his thighs, the sounds filling the vehicle.Â
âWanted to fuck you since I saw you standing at the bar,â you confess nonchalantly, and he thinks you canât be real, but he has no time to dwell on you and the way you are because youâre taking his breath away. He canât even lie, he wanted you too since the same moment, if not since the very first night, so having you here feels a bit unreal.Â
âYouâre so hot,â he whispers, eyes moving on your body, watching your boobs bounce with every thrust through the skimpy top, and your thighs, fuck your thighs, he wants to squeeze them and hold them, and so he does, moving his hands there and massaging the flesh, eliciting more moans from your parted lips.Â
Your hands clench on his shoulders, your nails dig into his skin, and he lets out a groan but it surprises you when you realize itâs a moan of pleasure and not pain. Your lips twitch in a smirk before your tongue runs on them. âLike the pain?âÂ
He glares at you, moving his left hand on your ass, slapping it harshly, smirking in victory when a choked moan falls from your lips and your cunt clenches around him. âYou too, it seems,â he winks.Â
âFucker,â you slur out, narrowing your brows, and picking up a different rhythm, grinding your hips on him with force to distract him from your right hand creeping on his neck until it reaches his hair and pulls at it with a tug.Â
âShit,â he moans, thighs flexing under you at the unexpected wave of pleasure he feels rushing through his bones. âI hate you.âÂ
You donât reply, you donât need to, itâs clear he doesnât, and heâs loving it. So, you give him more, leaning in to leave small bites on his neck and collarbones. You donât let your teeth sink in his golden sink much, your goal is not to leave ugly blooms of purple and red for everyone to see, you want to feel the shivers on his skin and the hisses hitting your earlobe every time you graze his sensitive skin.Â
You pull back with a cuss when another smack lands on your other asscheek, and Haechan chuckles darkly at your surprised face.Â
âWhat, babe? Itâs the art of giving and receiving,â he says, trying to sound cocky but his breaths are short and heâs clearly fighting himself back to let out all the moans youâre eliciting from him.Â
You groan, and you almost lean in to kiss him, you donât think it through, your body moves on its own but right when your lips are about to crash you stop, seeing eye to eye. âI hope youâre having fun, then,â you retort, but your voice is shaky â he blames it on the sex â and your heart is almost pumping out of your ribcage, but he doesnât notice, he doesnât even notice your trembling hand as you try to fight off the anxiety that being so close to him, to his lips, to his eyes, gives you.Â
âSo much fun,â he snorts, pulling you closer to him by the waist and you have to pull back swiftly, gasping for air. The car feels suffocating, and when you turn around for a split second you canât see whatâs outside, glasses steamed up.Â
âWorried about people that could see us?â He teases you, bringing your attention back on him with his thumb on your clit, smirking proudly when your eyes widen and your thighs tremble, and you have no idea how youâre â not only supporting your body up â but still fucking him.Â
âWorried about going home with a corpse in the car,â you mutter when he starts moving his finger on your clit, and presses his hand on the small of your back, and you can almost feel the metal meld in your skin for how hot your body is.Â
âWant to kill me? After the best fuck of your life?â He pouts, starting to move up into you, knocking the breath out of your lungs.Â
âYou wish,â you spit out, but oh god if heâs right.Â
âThen I guess youâre not gonna come.â He forces you still down on him, the strong grip on your waist almost painful. Â
âWhat?â Your eyes snap open, and your hands have to hold onto his shoulder because your legs canât hold you up by themselves anymore.Â
âChanged your mind? Itâs good?âÂ
You groan, throwing your head back when he resumes the strokes. âIt is good, I just want to slap you for no reason.â Because you are too good, and I might already be addicted and I donât like how this sounds.Â
Haechan grins, loving the way you look like a mess in his arms but still talk back and do anything to pretend that itâs not that good. Heâs getting off to that, your blissed face, your low, needy moans, your trembling thighs, and your dripping wet pussy making a mess around him. Heâs getting off to you, and your stubbornness that makes all your weaknesses so fucking attractive.Â
âHaechan,â you slur out, letting your head fall on his shoulder while your whole body tenses up. You donât warn him, the orgasm runs through you before you can even process it, and Haechan doesnât need words anyway because your cunt clenching around him and your nails digging into his back again trigger his own release too. Your moans blend together and bounce around the car while your hips move in messy thrusts for a while more before coming to a stop, slowly letting the quiet of the night around you slip into the car and remind you two what you had just done.
âFuck,â you breathe out, forcing your torso up, and gulping while you look around and hope you werenât too lost in the pleasure and didnât hear police sirens or something.Â
âDonât worry, nobody ever walks around here,â Haechan chuckles, watching the expression on your face change into confusion, leaving the fear behind. âWhy do you think I always park here if itâs free?âÂ
âOh,â you whisper. âSo, you bring a lot of people here. Nice to know,â your comment is sarcastic but you canât deny the small veil of pettiness and jealousy behind it.Â
âHonestly?â He says, shutting down a moan of disappointment when your body leaves his, and you try to look for your purse to find tissues to clean yourself. âI never brought anybody here, not for sex at least.âÂ
You shouldnât be relieved, but you are, and you shouldnât. So you shrug it off and turn around after you pushed the dirty tissue into the empty envelope that used to contain it before. âAnd for what then?âÂ
âOccasional smoking weed sessions,â he confesses. âWhen one of my older friends used to drive me and my roommate here, and we escaped those nights with some other friends. Iâm not saying nobody ever passes by, but trust me, they donât care âcause they probably will do the same.âÂ
You hum before staring at the door handle as if it will open on its own.
âWant me to drop you home? It got late,â Haechan asks now that heâs finally put together again and looks at least decent, the flush on his face is still there and his hair is a mess, but heâs covered.Â
You shake your head and bite your thumb before your hand lays on the handle. âNo, Johnny will drop me home.âÂ
âOkay, great. Are you alright?âÂ
You laugh and look at him with a grin on your face. âPlaying boyfriend after you fucked me next to a wood?âÂ
âOh, shut up!â He yells, pushing you out, and then following you. âJust wanted to check.âÂ
âWell, I can walk on my knees, so I guess Iâm fine, thank you for your concern, Mr perfect dick.âÂ
Haechan scoffs, rolling his eyes and walking to the other side, opening the driverâs door and getting halfway in. âFuck you, Miss Iâm not fucking in a car.âÂ
âGoodnight to you, too, Haechannie. It was lovely making a new acquaintance,â you joke, and you canât hold back the smile when he starts the car and drives away all while holding his middle finger up for you to see after sending you a flying kiss.Â
When you turn around and hug yourself in your jacket to shield yourself from the cold, you curse at your first step.Â
You very much canât walk without looking like you just learnt how to stand on your feet.Â
âFuck you, Lee Haechan.âÂ
The rules arenât exactly written anywhere in your house, it wouldâve been weird if someone ever entered and found your â10 things to donât do with your fuckbuddyâ, not that many people are allowed in your apartment. That is another of your thousands of unwritten rules, itâs not like you donât have friends, you are pretty chatty with everyone and get to know people easily, but your house is your safe place, and only a few are allowed in. Haechan isnât one of that. It isnât because you arenât close with each other, by now it had been six months since you started this and well, you got to know each other pretty deeply, but you are terrified that your rules arenât his.Â
You know how to move when you go to his place, you have your ways to donât turn this amazing sex into a catastrophe of broken hearts and shed tears; the rules are simple and clear in your mind.Â
Rule number 1:Â never sleep over.Â
Sleeping in the same bed is romantic. Even when there are no feelings involved, even when no âI love yousâ can slur out of someoneâs mouth.Â
Sleeping in the same bed is dangerous.Â
You can appear a bit cold and distant, but unfortunately, you arenât. And as much you tell yourself to donât catch feelings, you may never know what happens when you fall asleep side by side and two arms start keeping you warm. Sure, you could sleep in the same bed and still stay away from each other, but what if⊠yeah, you donât even like to think about the possibility of things that arenât in your plans to happen.Â
Better safe than sorry.Â
But that rule doesnât last long. Haechan is a little too good and you always finish a little too late, so most of the time either your legs donât allow you to stand on your feet (let alone drive back home), or it is too late and there are no more buses.Â
So, rule number 1 became what used to be rule number 2: if you by mistake sleep over, leave before he wakes up.Â
This one is pretty easy to follow. Haechan is more gone than you in the morning and as soon as you hear the first ring of your alarm you are on your feet, ready to go on with your routine. Washing your face, fixing your hair, and finding your clothes so you could be out of there as soon as possible. You wouldâve dealt with the other hygienic things back at home. You often thought about carrying a small bag with you with your toothbrush, a towel, and some other things, but that felt too domestic. Even if you had to bring it from home, the idea of brushing your teeth at his place, washing your hair, taking a shower, and walking around his house with only a bathrobe, made shivers run down your spine. Too romantic.Â
Rule number 3:Â never invite him over.Â
Itâs not only for sex-related problems, itâs also because you donât want him to get too deep into you. You had spent a lot of time to make this house your home, and you are sure that if you let him in after the doorstep, he wouldâve got to know you, and you donât want that to happen. You are close, but not too close, and you want to maintain the line clear.Â
Rule number 4: no kisses. Â
Strictly no kisses outside of the bed. Your initial rule included also kisses inside of the bedroom â or whatever surface he fucked you against â but after the first kiss he stole from you, well, screw another rule. It is also quite impossible when, for some reason, you two got so primal with each other. It isnât a fucking session with him if you donât spend at least five minutes making out while your hands roam each otherâs bodies leaving marks behind. Embarrassing, you think every time those flashbacks assault your mind when you are out of the sex haze.Â
Rule number 5:Â keep it private.Â
This also was never spoken but it seemed like Haechan got it too. It isnât to protect the relationship or some other bullshit, you simply canât stand peopleâs opinions about you and your life. Also, what is the point of people knowing you two fucked? Thatâs too personal and invasive. You donât want to deal with their comments or their misunderstanding of your and Haechanâs friendship. After all, you two are friends before anything else and you act like friends, but as soon as people know something more is going on, their first brilliant idea is to make up crazy theories of how you two look like such a hot couple and would be perfect together.Â
And then there are some more, random rules you make up along the way every time you feel he is crossing some lines or you are.Â
It might seem strange that thereâs no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, itâs not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. Youâre not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits?Â
Unfortunately, it never crossed your mind that they are not Haechan.Â
Youâre not sure when it all started. What youâre sure about is that you never planned for anything to start. The fuck in the car had been, unfortunately, really good, but you truly believed you could live without his dick. But maybe there was something else of him you couldnât live without, and you had no idea about it yet.
âSo, uhm, you know Haechan, right?â Johnny mutters in a low voice while you two are walking back home after you convinced him to go out for a run with you instead of going to the gym.Â
You sip from your cup of coffee and stare at him with a question mark painted all over your face, is he dumb?  âMhh, yeah, you got us in touch?âÂ
âLike him?âÂ
The coffee almost spurts out of your mouth, but you still try to keep your composure and only choke silently on the sip that youâre swallowing. âHe seems like a cool guy.âÂ
Johnny snorts, âA cool guy, really?âÂ
âWhat do you want me to say? I barely know him.â You donât like the smirk that crosses your friendâs face, you know what kind of grin it is, the smirk of a man that has a plan you know nothing about, and you donât like not being aware of what is going on. âJohnny?âÂ
âWell, you could get to know him better?âÂ
Your eyebrow rises and you almost stop walking, your brain running too fast trying to keep up with your friendâs bullshit. âWhat do you mean?â
âHe asked if I could give him your number, wanted to be sure it was okay with you.â
âHe asked about me?âÂ
Johnny hums, slurping loudly on his straw. Arenât straws banned? Why does this place still sell them? Just so he can get on your nerves? You are brought out of your straw-hatred thoughts when he speaks again.Â
âTold me you talked the other night.âÂ
âTalked,â you snort before coughing. âI mean, the music was loud, and we could barely make a conversation, but yes, he seems⊠fine.âÂ
âHe seemed interested.âÂ
âWell, give him my number, Iâm sure he wonât text me anyway.âÂ
You got Haechan wrong. So many times actually, because every time you expected he would do something, he would always surprise you by doing the opposite and you werenât sure it was a good thing.Â
When you got home after parting your ways with Johnny, the last thing you were expecting was to get out of the shower and see the notification on your phone from an unknown number.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
hi, itâs haechan. guess you remember me cause johnny gave me your numberÂ
thanks for giving him the consent btw
we were so busy last night that we didnât think about thisÂ
You hate to admit it, but you stare at the phone a little too long, why is he so polite about it? Damn, is your bar set so low? Is it really that bad that 90% of the men you met wouldâve sent you a dick pic as the first message or a âwhat would you if I was in the shower with youâ text? Probably it is.Â
You quickly shake your head, biting your thumb, and get up from the bed, swearing because you already left a wet patch on the duvet.Â
âI canât answer naked,â you whisper, opening the chat and already thinking about what to reply. âI mean, it could come in handy if he asks for nudes but⊠what the fuck am I talking about?â You curse before throwing the locked phone in the middle of the bed and rushing to the closet to grab some new clothes.Â
When youâre all done, in black sweatpants and a white long-sleeve shirt, hair dry, and skincare applied, you slump on the bed and face what has a big chance of becoming your new toy.Â
you
hi! yes i canât really forget you
âOh, jesus, are you kidding me? Thatâs cheesy. He will never get that I mean I canât forget about his fingers, tongue, and cock, right?â You huff, throwing your head back, trying to think of something else.
you
hi! yes i rememberÂ
âThere, so we donât sound like a pathetic loser,â you hum happily, pressing send. And with that, you mightâve avoided that, but heâs trying to win the race of the best pathetic losers because he replies in less than a minute.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
great, feared you forgot about me againÂ
anyway, how are you?Â
You stare at the phone, not because you want to make him wait â you really couldnât get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they wonât disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply â youâre truly shocked because, damn, a small taste of you and he is already a sore loser, and youâre not ready for a half-assed small talk conversation.Â
Your fingers start typing anyway.Â
you
good, went on a run with j
you?Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
stayed humble and played with some of my friendsÂ
âOh, heâs a gamer? Thatâs why heâs good with his fingers,â you let out before you can think of what youâre saying, and also ask yourself since when you started talking to yourself so much. Maybe Johnny is right, being alone is fucking you up.Â
you
did you win?Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
of course, babe
do you know whom youâre talking to?
A loser.Â
You think but you donât write it.Â
A loser.Â
You think of yourself when reading the message, you can hear his honey-like voice whisper âbabeâ to your ear and your core starts throbbing as if sheâs been left starving for years.Â
you
haha hope you had funÂ
Dammit. Since when do you suck so much at holding a conversation? Why arenât you flirting back? Wait, is he flirting?Â
Another groan leaves your lips as you plunge even southern on the bed and lock the phone again, hoping he lost interest in you after that dry-ass message and you can go back to your toys and your ex â update, the sex ranking fell down after Haechan, he wasnât even good for that anymore.Â
But Haechan surprises you, he always does. When your phone dings again you expect to find Johnny congratulating you for being a dumb bitch but instead your jaw falls on the floor.Â
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
sure did
btwÂ
can i take you out tomorrow? johnny told me you stop working at twelve on friday so it shouldnât be a problem
dinner out? iâll come to pick you up at 7Â
âWhat the fuck?â Your attempt at donât look like a crazy single 40 years old woman that fell into madness by being only surrounded by her cats didnât last long. âWhat the actual fuck?âÂ
Is that a date? He asked you how youâre doing for some sort of niceties before dropping the question just like that? Why is Johnny so nosy going around telling your business â mental note; talk to Johnny about shutting his mouth.
you
fine but i can drive thereÂ
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
no dw, itâs a surprise, iâll drive you
you
thanks, i promise i wonât make you wait
+ xxx xxx xxx xxx
canât wait to see you ðÂ
You snort, fucking loser, before going to his contact.Â
âpathetic loserâ was added to contacts.Â
Haechan surprises you even on your first date, or whatever you could call that. As sweet as he seems, you deep down â precisely between your legs â hope it is a dick appointment, but since you arenât with your car you arenât so sure about that, he for sure isnât entering your place that night.Â
You are punctual, already waiting for him outside of your house, and immediately entering on the passenger side when he stops on the sidewalk.Â
âAm I late?â Haechan asks when he sees you step in so promptly.Â
âNo. Why wait, though? See that the first time it was Johnnyâs fault?âÂ
Haechan chuckles before giving you a brief look, studying your red dress, the heels, and the small bag, and then starts the car again. âItâs always Johnnyâs fault.âÂ
Yeah, you totally agree.
âSo, where are we going?â You ask, hating the silence thatâs filling the car. After the small talks, you stopped conversating, and even if it wasnât awkward you didnât want your brain to travel to places.Â
âI told you, itâs a surprise.âÂ
âI donât really like surprises,â you confess, turning your gaze to him, leaving the city behind you. Â
âDamn, you bite back,â he whispers, and you blink in surprise.Â
âAm I too honest?âÂ
âDonât know, I donât know you yet.âÂ
You think for a second that you should end this as soon as possible, he seems too sweet and even if you donât do it on purpose, you know you can come off as too edgy at times. Not everyone likes being told things to their faces or having set boundaries they couldnât cross, but you mean no harm, you just want your space protected.Â
âIt wasnât supposed to come out harshly, Iâm sorry,â you say, trying to meet his eyes and when he stops at the traffic lights, he turns to stare at you. âIt was kinda a âget to know meâ information and I sounded like a bitch.âÂ
Haechan laughs, shaking his head, fingers tapping on the wheel, probably to release the tension in his muscles. âI wasnât offended, I just wasnât expecting you to be so upfront. People⊠lie.âÂ
âI hate liars,â your voice comes out just like before and you curse under your breath. Â
âAnother âget to know meâ information?â He questions, his voice playful while a gentle smile curls his lips.Â
You roll your eyes, shaking your head. âAdd it to the list, it might be helpful if you donât want to end up on my blacklist.âÂ
The biggest surprise Haechan gifts you is that⊠he is not an asshole.Â
You expected he would say something during dinner to make your pussy dry, brain dead and stomach convulsing with the urge of puking, but⊠he didnât. Nothing dumb, insensitive, tone-deaf, cringy, or creepy came out of his mouth.Â
Even when he flirted, he knew how to do it right. He was so fucking good at it, being so subtle he left you speechless and warm, making you dizzy, and, after the tenth eyebrow rise and lick of his lips, even wet.Â
And he was funny. Quickly going down the memory lane you could recall that the only man that genuinely made you smile so much was Johnny.Â
And well, youâre not quite sure how to feel about this.Â
The only thing you feel is the disappointment when he drops you back home and you know you wonât get a good fuck out of that â amazing â night.Â
âSo, did you have a great time?â He asks, rubbing his hands together to warm them while he turns his torso to stare at you, and you see his eyes linger on you a bit more, probably wanting to take in for the last time how beautiful you looked that night, not that he ever stopped reminding you. Â
âYeah,â you whisper, almost shily. âIt was fun, and the food was so good.â Yeah, the food. Not you. Absolutely not you. Never you.Â
Haechan smiles, nodding. âGlad you had fun; Iâve never been there, so it was a shot in the dark.âÂ
âMhh,â you hum, staring at his lips, thinking how badly you want them on you before shaking your head. âIt was a good shot in the dark.âÂ
âYeah, sometimes I donât make a mess,â he jokes, and you let out a laugh too. Good for you, you think. You always make a mess, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.Â
âWell, itâs⊠kinda late,â you start saying, rubbing your arms with your palms, and tapping your heels, hoping he would make a move and drive you to his place, as if he could mentally get you and know that youâre insane and there are only five people that can set foot in your house.Â
âYeah,â he mumbles, looking at you. Probably thinking the same, itâs only logical for him to expect you to be the one to make the first move, your place is right behind you, and you only have to ask him to go inside. But you donât. And he doesnât even think about kissing you, of course, he doesnât, you didnât even let him kiss you while he was fucking you, heâs sure you would slap him if he only moved closer now.Â
ââKay,â you sigh, undoing the belt and placing your hand on the handle, âIâll go in. Thanks for the night, the drive, the food, and the laughs.â A tender smile is sitting on your face when you say that to him before making your way out, bending to say goodbye again, just in time to get the thin veil of slight disappointment and sadness in his eyes.Â
âThatâs what matters,â he smiles. âWe can do this again. If you want to,â he adds, panicking, almost as if he had asked to marry you just to regret it two seconds later.Â
âYeah, we can,â you smile. âItâs pretty chilly out here, so,â you shrug, âgoodnight?âÂ
âCanât wait to see you again, then. Goodnight,â he says before waving at you.Â
You see he waits for you to get inside before his car starts again to head home and you find yourself grinning like a fool when the door closes behind you. Â
Yeah, heâs definitely a loser. Â
You could call that the start of your friendship, but surely not where the benefits started. Actually, the whole sex thing took a toll for a few weeks where you only got to know each other and hung out casually. You canât lie, you were sad about it, and you thought you screw it all up that night when you didnât let him in; nothing couldâve gone wrong for one time you let him in, right? He wouldâve fucked you into the weekend, making you see heaven, and then you couldâve kicked him out of the house, right? But you didnât, and now you are here, absorbed in your torments, trying to find a way to get back to where you started, possibly without ruining your friendship, of course.Â
You know the chemistry between you two is still there, but itâs like heâs holding back. You surely arenât; flirting shamelessly with him, sometimes even in front of your â now common â friends (no need to worry about Johnny, he knows you can flirt with plants when youâre in a peak of insanity and good mood, nothing of your remarks is ever serious â it is with Haechan, but he doesnât know â you just have zero skills of keeping your tongue inside your mouth and your thoughts inside your brain).Â
So, you understand that you need to make a bolder move, the dinners and the meets up around town arenât working, and your move is Johnny and another night out at the club.Â
It works. After dancing together almost all night in a corner of the club, you find yourself pressed against a wall while his hands run on your body and his lips â shily â kiss your neck, and you know you got him.Â
âYour place,â you slur, pushing him away, and grabbing his hand to drag him to get your jackets.Â
âBut Markâs at ââÂ
âAs far as I am concerned, Mark can listen to us all night, I donât care. Weâre not fucking in the car.âÂ
âYour place. What about your plaââ he tries to argue but your glare when you turn around and youâre now face to face stops him.Â
âYour place, now.âÂ
Heâs good at following orders, or maybe youâre just scary when you want to, but whatever the motive, all that matters to you is that after a fifteen minutes drive â the longest of your life â and a few minutes walk from the car to the apartment, you have Haechan buried between your legs, eating you out as if thatâs what he was sent on earth to do.Â
You wish you could care about trying to keep it low and donât moan loudly for Mark, but when Haechan slips two fingers in you and starts sucking on your clit with more strength, his poor roommate slips out of your mind completely.Â
âFuck,â you moan as your head rolls back, rubbing against the pillows of his bed, and your legs part unconsciously.Â
âYouâre so embarrassingly wet,â Haechan notices, standing on his elbow and licking his lips clean with a flick of his tongue. âBet even Mark can hear how wet you are,â he mocks, quickening the pace of his fingers inside your cunt, causing the lewd sounds of your wetness to be even louder.Â
âShut up!â You groan, slamming your hand next to you on the mattress before your fist moves in a ball and traps the sheets between your fingers.Â
Haechan grins, and a chuckle rolls from his lips while his eyes skim your face, meeting your eyes that are â pathetically â trying to glare at him. âYouâre so pretty like this, you know?âÂ
Another annoyed grunt slips out of your mouth, and you move your head to the side to avoid seeing his face.Â
But Haechan clicks his tongue and pulls out of you, making you whine and move your hand to bring his fingers right where they were. Heâs faster than you when he sits up and cups your face with his clean hand as his fingers plunge back into you with no warning, cutting the air in your lungs and causing your eyes to flutter shut.Â
âKeep your eyes on me,â he orders and you unwillingly open them again, locking them in his. âThatâs it, pretty girl.âÂ
The way those two words roll from his lips shouldnât make your stomach twist, but they do, you prefer blaming it on the way his fingers are pumping in and out of you, brushing against your sweet spot and driving you closer to the climax second after second.Â
âIâm...â you mumble, chest lifting erratically because the eye contact is driving you more insane than his hand in you, â...close.âÂ
The grin that appears on his face is so slappable but you have no strength to lift your hand and do anything, and Haechan can see it in your eyes. Thatâs how he wants you, speechless.Â
âCome for me, babe,â he urges you, pressing his thumb on your clit and moving it in circles.Â
âFuck,â you rasp out, your hand reaches his wrist, and he shakes his head, tsking.Â
âNo, youâre not pushing me away,â he says, but he doesnât move your hand away, you are not even trying to push him off, well, you are, but the attempt is laughable and embarrassing.Â
âToo much, too much,â you cry out, voice coming out muffled by his hand still wrapped around your chin. âHaechan, please.âÂ
âCome, we both know you can take much more, donât play with me,â he growls, leaning in to trap your lips in a messy, heated kiss. âBe good and come for me, would you?âÂ
You moan and hum against his lips, your hand around his wrist tightens the grip but not to push him away, to hold onto him while his fingers move even faster in and out, your hips buck up and your feet press against the mattress while he keeps you down. You feel like you canât breathe when the orgasm breaks through and you see stars, shaking under him as you feel the grin on his face as he muffles your whimpers in his mouth.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â you cry out, slapping his hand away when he doesnât stop moving after your high dimmed down. âHaechan, fucking stop.âÂ
He laughs deeply and stands away from you, his fingers slip out of you but soon after theyâre inside his mouth as he licks them clean while staring straight into your eyes.Â
âYou will drive me insane,â you mutter low enough only for you to hear and Haechan raises a brow, silently questioning you to repeat, but you wonât tell him that. âFuck me,â you request instead, sitting and grabbing the hem of your shirt to lift it off your head, throwing it around the room.Â
âHey, I wanted to undress you,â he pouts, watching you unclasp the bra that meets the same fate as the shirt soon after.Â
âToo late, shouldâve thought about it before.âÂ
He rolls his eyes but doesnât move from his position, too busy staring at your naked form. âFuck, youâre so fucking beautiful.âÂ
Your eyes roll back in your skull while a heavy sigh leaves your lips. âGreat, can you fuck me, please,â your voice is venomously nice, and gets him on top of you in a second.Â
âThough it was too much? Are you sure you can take it?âÂ
âIf you donât fuck me, Iâll ask Mark to do it and will make you watch while youâre tied to a chair.âÂ
He whistles with enthusiasm, raising a brow, âThat sounds pretty hot, you know? But I donât think Markâs the type to enjoy these things. Should we ask somebody else?âÂ
âIs there anything that is actually a threat to you or are you so horny that anything is a possibility?âÂ
âDonât know,â he whispers with a light tone as he leans in and starts kissing your neck, moving down until his lips wrap around your hard nipple, sucking harshly enough to make you hiss before he keeps talking, âisnât life boring if you donât at least try everything once?âÂ
Your stare could burn him alive. âI swear this is the last time youâre fucking me.âÂ
âOh, shut up,â he groans, kissing you to silence you. âAnything legal and not dangerous.âÂ
âI donât care about that,â you almost scream. âJust fuck me, now.âÂ
âAsk nicely,â he coos, caressing your cheek with the back of his index finger and you glare at him.Â
âMark.âÂ
âFine,â he rolls his eyes and before you can say another word he slips into you. Your teeth trap your lower lip to muffle a high moan to be heard in the entire house and your nails dig into his back. âGave you what you wanted.âÂ
âNot yet,â you whisper through gritted teeth as your body gets used to his size. âFuck me.âÂ
âAs you wish,â he replies, adjusting better between your legs to find the right position, and after a few seconds, heâs thrusting into you. This is ten times more comfortable than the fuck in the car and you canât believe itâs happening again. âYeah, definitely like you better like this,â he comments with a cocky smirk, his eyes are still on your face, and his hands are holding tight on your hips.Â
âLike you better when you fuck me and keep your mouth shut,â you bite back. You donât know why you two get so heated up during sex â fair, two times is not enough to draw conclusions and come up with statistics, but to you, itâs clear this is the way you two talk to each other when things get spicy â when you talk normally, youâre not like this.Â
Haechan rolls his eyes and grunts as he pushes with more vigor inside you, swiftly pushing your thighs against your chest with his body, and blocking your wrists over your head. His lips crush messily against yours, trapping them in a rough kiss.Â
Your eyes roll in the back of your head when he hits the sensitive spot inside you, and your legs immediately wrap around his waist to keep him close to you. You havenât died yet â obviously â but this feels like the closest thing to heaven â you doubt youâll go to heaven, to be honest â but anyway this; his hips rolling against you so perfectly, his hand on your hip and the other around your wrist, his lips on your neck and collarbones, and his cock buried deep into you, this is a taste of heaven, the higher you ever felt and probably will ever feel. And it feels humiliating that heâs got you like this after the second time together, but you donât want to fight the feeling.Â
And you donât. You moan, even letting out chants of his name shamelessly, and he has to remind you with an amused grin that youâre not alone. Mark is right next door and as funny as it might be, Haechan is not sure he wants to share you in any kind of way, no, not even the way you whimper and squirm under him.Â
âKeep quiet, babe,â he hushes you, kissing you again, and you have no strength to push him off. Maybe you can get used to his kisses, after all, itâs just sex, and for some spell, Haechan turns everything he does into sex, so a few heated kisses while he pounds into you until the bed squeaks wonât make you fall head over heels for him.Â
You nod, eyelids fluttering as you try to focus on him. His brown hair is falling on his forehead, and thereâs a cute, sexy, frown in the middle of his forehead, while his eyes are staring into yours, and you feel the knot in your stomach tug strongly, making your breath cut short. He is so intense, itâs like he can reach so deep into you and discover parts of you that are still untouched.Â
âHaechan, fuck,â your voice gets higher when he pulls your hips closer to him and changes angle to fuck into you better, âI wonât last.âÂ
He snorts, âGood.âÂ
âNo, no good, IâŠâ I want you. I want you all night. I want you all over me until your smell consumes mine. You want to scream but itâs too pathetic. You never went this far for some sex. But nobody ever felt this good either.Â
âI can fuck you all night,â he chuckles while his thumb finds your clit and starts torturing you even more. âDonât believe me?âÂ
You groan. You do. You just know. Heâs been sent by the gods at this point and youâre sure you wonât find flaws in him anytime soon, but you canât. You canât stay the night. You canât let him get so deep into your skin so soon.Â
âCome,â he urges you, âdonât hold back.âÂ
Your jaw tenses before going slack when he flicks your clit just right, triggering your orgasm. Itâs intense, running into you from head to toe with so much force that you have to slap your hand on your mouth to avoid waking Mark up. You think Haechanâs close too, you can hear how his moans got lighter and whinier, but once again, he surprises you.Â
You donât have time to complain when Haechan pulls away, leaving you empty. He turns you around, lightly slapping your asscheek to order you to get on your knees while your shoulders stay flat on the mattress, you wouldnât have the strength to stand on your arm even if you wanted to.Â
âWant one more?â He asks against your ear, teasing his tip against your soaked entrance and brushing it against your throbbing clit in quick motions.Â
You hum, nodding against the pillow, âPlease, please, fuck me again.â
You almost feel the smirk against your face before he fills you once more, stretching your sensitive pussy, making more of your cum drip out of you.Â
Your eyes fall shout, a raspy, low moan slips out of your lips, this position is making you feel him even more as the first orgasm has enhanced your senses. You feel like a puddle under him.Â
âYou feel so good, baby,â he groans, throwing his head back as he picks up the rhythm of before, holding onto your hips so tightly his nails sink into your skin, making you hiss in pleasure. âSo warm and wet for me.âÂ
You hide your head between the pillows, biting back the moans, wondering why Mark didnât push down the door already because thereâs no way heâs not hearing all of this. But for some reason, the idea of him listening turns you on even more.Â
And itâs like Haechan gets it. He leans back against you, brushing your hair away so his lips can be right against your earlobe. âWhat are you thinking, babe?âÂ
âMa-mark,â you slur through ragged breaths, ânot him, not like,â the words die in your throat, afraid he might misunderstand, âwhat if he knows?âÂ
Haechanâs laugh hits you straight to the core, itâs deep and mocking, and you clench harder around him. âOh, honey,â he whispers, and his voice feels like honey, thick and velvety, âI think he knows.âÂ
You shake your head, trying to convince yourself he might be a heavy sleeper, but your body is following another direction, feeling excited just at the idea, so you push your ass up.Â
âYou canât keep quiet, youâre so fucking loud itâs like you want to get caught,â he taunts, smacking the side of your thighs, smirking when your muscles tense in response. âWant him to know Iâm making you feel this good?âÂ
You deny with a movement of your head, but words fail to come out because you feel on the edge again and you donât know how much longer you can last.Â
Haechan clicks his tongue and then presses his chest against your back. âLetâs see if this can keep you quiet.â The last thing you expect are his fingers pushed into your mouth, but after the first surprise, you donât even complain. Your mouth wraps around his three digits and you start to suck on them eagerly, receiving a moan of approval from him. âFuck, youâre so fucking hot.â He knows he wonât last when your eyes flutter at the compliment and you start sucking on them even harder, he can only think about you taking his cock instead.Â
âFuck, fuck,â he mumbles, as the images in his fantasy and the one in front of his eyes start having the best on him, hips starting to lose control, âIâm close.âÂ
You start fucking back into him, and thatâs the last thing he needs to come. His moans are higher, and when you turn your head to the side you see his trying to hold them in, biting his lips and gripping your hips tighter with the hand that is not in your mouth.Â
The sight of him losing his mind is enough to make you lose yours. Youâre in ecstasy as your orgasm pervades your body.Â
âShit,â Haechan growls one last time, his fingers slip out of your mouth and he pulls out of you before heâd like to, squirting some of his cum on your ass and thighs. âOh, shit, Iâm sorry.âÂ
You barely realize what heâs talking about, but honestly, you donât care. For what youâre concerned, after the fuck you had, he couldâve come all over you and you wouldnât have minded.
âItâs fine,â you breathe out. Your eyes fall shut as you focus on your erratic breath, feeling him slump next to you without any other words.Â
âAre you okay? Was it too much?â He asks, and at first, you think heâs bragging but when your eyes meet, you realize heâs being genuine. So you nod and beam at him as the only reply you can give him at the moment.Â
You lie in silence for a bit, your bodies are not touching and you can only feel his heavy breath calm down with yours as you both wait for your body to cool down again. You donât wait to be fully recovered to stand up and slip out of the covers, too afraid that sleep will take over you and block you at his side.Â
âWhat are you doing?â He questions, staring at you with an arm under his head.Â
âPutting my clothes back on,â you reply with a lift of shoulders as if that wasnât obvious. You try to search for a bin where you can throw the tissues you used to clean yourself but you canât find any, so you remind yourself to search in the kitchen before leaving. Â
âYou can wear something mine.âÂ
âI would have to hand it back next time we see each other, I can survive in this a bit longer.âÂ
âYouâre sleeping with those clothes?â Confusion blooms on his face as he watches your shaky hands struggle with the zip.Â
âNo, Iâll change myself into my nightgown.âÂ
A frown almost connects his brows before he voices out his doubts, âI donât have it here.âÂ
âIâm leaving,â you say with a hint of annoyance, he thought you were sleeping there, really?Â
âLeaving? You can stay.âÂ
You donât answer immediately, grabbing your phone to book a ride home, and then reply while shoving the phone in your bag. âNo, thanks.âÂ
âDo I have to drive you home?âÂ
âNo, Iâve already called a Uber.âÂ
You see Haechanâs mouth move but nothing comes out and he only stretches his limbs. âI think that might take a while to arrive, though. Itâs cold outside.âÂ
âItâs spring,â you say, walking to the mirror on wobbly legs to make sure you look decent, fixing your air and clothes.Â
âItâs still cold. At least wait in the living room,â he proposes, now sitting on the mattress as he doesnât take his eyes off of you.Â
âIâll be fine,â you smile, turning around, and holding your bag on your shoulder. âI survived walking in a wood at night when I was fifteen, I can survive waiting under your buildingâs porch.âÂ
âYouâre always so â so,â he sighs, shaking his head, giving up finding an adjective to describe you.Â
You chuckle, âAlways? And you donât know me yet.âÂ
âIt sounds like a threat,â he says, running his fingers through his hair.Â
You open the door, and take a step outside, only showing him your face as you wink, âOh, it is.âÂ
Probably there was some magic in the air â the polluted air of the city made some kind of magic happen â but from then on, Haechan stopped holding back. He wasnât shy when he texted you âhouse empty, wanna come over?â leaving no doubts about what was going to happen if you said yes. You found it funny how he treated Mark like his parents, especially after you were sure he heard you fuck that night, but of course, you said yes.Â
pathetic loser
dinner at that trashy fast food place with the arcade and then dessert at my placeðÂ
And you said yes.Â
pathetic loser
iâm busy this friday but marksâs out saturday so we have the whole day to ourselvesÂ
And you said yes. p.s: he made you come like ten times, so it was worth it.Â
pathetic loser
wanna skip the group hang out and fuck around?Â
And you said yes.Â
You kept saying yes until you also started asking, and he obviously didnât decline. It flowed and usually, you didnât like to leave things unnamed, but you were terrified that if you asked, âwhat are we?â he wouldâve run away scared or, worse, confessed with his big brown eyes and that fucking glint they had inside.Â
You didnât need him anyway to know what you were. Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, sex partners, or any other name you want to give it, you were that. Nothing more and nothing less.Â
It still wasnât your typical thing. You two never sat down and discussed anything, your dear boundaries were nowhere to be found, or better, they existed, somehow he respected them, but you never said them out loud. Not that it was hard to get them, when you never invited him home, never leaned in for a kiss, and never stayed over, he knew your limits and that he had to respect them.Â
So, everything worked perfectly fine.Â
Until your rules started to be broken one by one before you could even notice, or better, before you could care to fix all the changes that were happening in your life because of Haechan.Â
pathetic loser
hey
me and the boys are going on a trip to the coast this weekendÂ
wanna come along?Â
you
who are the boys?Â
pathetic loserÂ
yes, johnny is comingÂ
You roll your eyes at the screen before tapping a reply.
you
didnât ask that : /Â
but yes, need some time offÂ
you will pick me up, right?Â
pathetic loserÂ
youâre so pretentious
donât you think i should propose to you to come pick you up like a gentleman?Â
you
fine gentleman, pick me up at my place, see you this friday!Â
pathetic loserÂ
i canât stand youÂ
Itâs Johnnyâs fault. Itâs his house on the coast, his parentsâ, to be precise. Itâs his fault if right now you have Haechan so close and canât make a move because whatever is going on between you two is a secret.Â
Youâre still not sure why it wasnât Johnny the one to invite you there, you wonder if maybe Haechan slipped and confessed to him that something is going on between you, but youâre sure that Johnny wouldâve already bragged to you about how he made the âperfect matchâ or how it was thanks to him you were finally getting laid, surely after screaming at you because âwe never keep things a secret from each otherâ.Â
Youâre brought out of your thoughts when a ball hits you and you lift your head to see Mark running to you, mumbling apologies as if he had stabbed you.Â
âIâm fine, itâs just a ball,â you smile to reassure him and lift a hand to cover your eyes because the sun is annoying you. Unfortunately, the sun is not blinding you enough for your wishes because you can perfectly see Haechan playing volleyball a few meters in front of you. Youâre sitting on the sand, a sundress on you, while the others left you to play. You werenât in the mood, too busy letting your thoughts get the best of you, a mix of lewd images of what you wouldâve done to the man you couldnât drift your eyes from and sadness looming over your head like a cartoon cloud.Â
âHey, want something to drink?â Youâre still so caught up that you donât realize Haechan is talking to you. His blouse is big and covers his body, only leaving his arms exposed and a small portion of his chest â he doesnât like to show much of his body â and you get lost in his sun-kissed skin another time, but when he calls your name, you shake your head and cough, trying to play it cool.Â
âYes, what?âÂ
âWeâre grabbing something to drink, want some?âÂ
âOh, yeah, some tea.âÂ
âGot it,â he says as if heâs accepting a commend and waves you goodbye before running to the others and you follow him with your gaze until he gets out of your line of view.Â
You sigh, fanning yourself because even if luckily today the weather is not too hot, you still canât stand the heat sticking to your skin. Youâve pondered before about jumping in the sea and freshening up, but if just seeing the others having fun had brought back too many â painful â memories, youâre not so sure you can take having âfunâ in person. Â
âHereâs your tea,â Haechan says after a while with a bottle in hand, once again pulling you out of the tornado of melancholia that was drowning you.Â
You smile, lifting your head and grabbing the drink from his hand. âPeach? How do you know itâs my favorite?âÂ
âYou told me,â he replies, sitting next to you, a bit too close, but you donât scoot over, you like the way your legs brush against each other and also the fact he decided to sit with you and not with your group of friends near the volleyball net.Â
âDid I? When?âÂ
Haechan laughs at the surprised expression that creates a cute, small crease on your forehead and says, âthe few times we had a serious conversation that didnât include dirty talking?âÂ
You roll your eyes, open the lid and take a sip of the cold liquid, immediately feeling better. âYou make it sound as if we donât hang out normally.âÂ
âWe do,â he replies but itâs like heâs not done, as if thereâs something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, âbut you never say anything about yourself.âÂ
You chuckle nervously, fingers fidgeting with the cap of the bottle. âWhatâs to know about me?âÂ
âEverything. Youâre a secret.âÂ
You can hear the bittersweetness in his tone, and if youâd stare for a second more, you would also catch it in his eyes, but you dismiss him and the things heâs silently telling you with his body. You sneer under your breath and shake your shoulders before words roll from your mouth. âSecrets are exciting.âÂ
He nods, pressing his lips in a thin line to hold in a groan of disagreement. âWhen you know them and you have to keep them away from the rest of the world.âÂ
âYou want to keep me away?â You joke tenderly, meeting his brown eyes, even warmer and more welcoming now that the sunlight is reflecting in them.Â
He laughs, shaking his head. This time heâs the one diverting his gaze, the next words that are about to come out sound too vulnerable in his head and he doesnât want to imagine how heavy they will sound out loud. âIâm just saying, I would keep some things of you only for me to know.âÂ
You hum, nodding while staring at the sand, showing nonchalance even if thereâs a circus in your stomach. Maybe you can give him something without breaking another one of your rules, but you soon realize that he already knows the small things about you that you told him to get to know each other. He knows where you work, he knows you have a brother, and you know he has two and a sister. He knows you once found a grass snake in a park and took it home because you wanted a snake pet and your father almost threw you outside (affectionately, no kids or animals were hurt, you just had to give it back to nature). He knows your birthday and your favorite color. Isnât that enough?Â
âThereâs nothing to know about me.âÂ
âOh, yeah, youâre boring, arenât you?â He mocks with sarcasm and his head falls back in annoyance. âYou donât strike as the bland type of person so try again.âÂ
âI just donât get what you want to know. Ask me questions and Iâll answer.â And Iâll lie, thatâs what you truly think.Â
But Haechan shakes his head, gulping down another mouthful of water. âNevermind, you donât get it.âÂ
No, you donât get it, or maybe youâre pretending not to get it, that he wants to know you. He wants to learn by watching, by studying you, but you always slip away, you donât let him close. He doesnât care about questions, this is not a quiz for him, but maybe thatâs the fun of you. He has to work extra hard. And he will.
 âItâs pretty here.â Haechanâs voice fills the night air, itâs chilly outside, and youâre sitting on the small sofa under the porch. Thereâs nobody but the two of you at home, the others decided to go out and visit the small coastal town at night, but you were too tired to drag your feet any longer, and honestly, you thought you were all alone.
You hum, moving to the side to leave him some space next to you. âWe used to come here during summer,â you let out, and itâs impossible to control the smile on your face when you remember your childhood with your and Johnnyâs family. âI always sat here at night, I liked the quiet of the beach and the lights of the towns of the coast. My brother didnât get it,â you chuckle, shaking your head, âhe was too busy playing with Johnny. Even when they stopped being best friends, it was like something shifted in summer. Something about this place feelsâŠÂ different.âÂ
Haechan smiles, heâs not staring at the view, his eyes are locked on you. He thinks that you are different here. He canât say you two arenât close, but itâs clear you never let him too close, and heâd like to know why. He knows exactly where your relationship stands, itâs just sex, and heâs fine like this, really, but he wonders if you only do it to protect your heart from unwanted inconveniences or if you donât trust him enough to let him in. He often thought about prying it with Johnny, but he knows that as soon as your name will slip out of his lips, Johnny will twist everything, and probably that would drift you even further from him. You never had a conversation but itâs clear you both want to keep this between you.Â
âIt feels like the world stops here,â he says instead to donât let the conversation die before moving his gaze away, hearing you hum an affirmative response.Â
It really feels like time has stopped, and thereâs undefined electricity running between you, itâs the same as always and itâs different at the same time.Â
âJohnny didnât tell me about this,â you breathe out; you know it could end in a catastrophe, but you need answers. âDid he ask you to invite me, or did you do it?âÂ
Haechan doesnât answer right away, you see him gulp and you fear the worst. There it is, the confession you donât need, you donât want it, because he is the best sex you ever had, nobody ever made you feel like that, he completely unplugs your brain and for a few hours, you can leave all your problems at the door, and also because after all, heâs a good friend, and love would screw this all up.Â
âHe told me I could invite some other of our friends,â he replies, âand I asked about you, and he told me I could ask. He was going to invite you, but I did it first,â he explains, playing with a loose string of his shorts that are barely covering his thighs. âWhy?âÂ
You shrug, itâs the only thing you can do, a breath of relief would be too obvious. âNothing, I was just wondering. Usually, he organizes these things with me.âÂ
âOh,â he whispers, âI think that initially it was supposed to be a boysâ thing only, then Mark brought up Minjeong and here we are.âÂ
You know he doesnât mean it that way, but that âhere we areâ makes shivers run down your spine. Because here you are. This is the closest thing to breaking rule number 3 and 4 and so many others. Itâs just the two of you, watching the sunset while the sea plays its melody just for you to listen. This is romantic. Heâs not fucking you shamelessly under the porch where everyone can see. You are laughing together, passing a bottle of soju, and sharing touches that feel too intimate. You canât break any more rules.Â
âI was thinking â oh, shit,â Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. âWow, fuck, needy tonight?âÂ
You donât reply, your lips move down to bite his neck while your hips start grinding on him.Â
âCalm down, damn, Iâm not going anywhere,â he chuckles, wrapping his hands on your waist now that the shock is gone, âand donât mark me, you donât want the others to find out, right?âÂ
No, you donât. Or maybe you do, maybe itâs time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel youâre going down a slippery slope and you donât like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you canât, deep down, you donât want to.Â
âItâs only been a week,â Haechan mumbles through the kiss. âYouâre so needy.âÂ
âCan you just shut up?â You argue, pressing your hips down on him, smirking when you feel his dick start to press up against you. âSo, you do want me.âÂ
He snorts, âOf course, I do. I wasnât rejecting, I was just pointing out â fuck,â he whimpers breathlessly when you bite his lips and his nails dig in the exposed skin of your back, your crop top leaving so much bare.Â
âWant you,â you say as if you have to make it any more obvious.Â
âItâs a bit too public, donât you think so?âÂ
You shake your head, moving a hand between your bodies to open the button of your shorts but he stops you again, forcing your hands behind your back, catching you by surprise.Â
âIâd love to fuck you right here, in front of the sea and the sunset, but if one of our friends comes back before time, weâre fucked with no way out, so⊠can we take it inside?âÂ
You nod, mumbling a faint positive answer, thinking of getting up and running upstairs, but Haechan has no intention of breaking the contact. He lifts you up after freeing your hands so you can secure them around his neck and then pushes the front door open.Â
âLetâs give it a turn of keys,â he says, twisting the keys in the lock so youâll have extra time if by the time theyâll come back you wonât be done. You wait patiently, enjoying the way it feels to be in his arms, and let him carry you on the second floor where the bedroom you share is. Was it a great thing or a curse, you still canât tell, but for now it seems like a good thing.Â
When you cross the doorframe, the clothes are on the floor in less than a minute and your bodies are already tangled in the bedsheets, hands running on each other with eager and soft whimpers filling those four walls.Â
You donât keep track of how long you spend kissing â or eating each other â but youâre sure a few minutes pass by of you just grinding against each other while your tongues and lips meet in a mess.Â
âFuck,â Haechan whispers, his hot breath puffing against your warm, wet, now plumper, lips. âComâere.â He lays on the bed, patting the space next to his face and you stare at him with confused eyes. He sighs, âOn my face, honey. On my face.âÂ
âOh.âÂ
He quirks a brow. âYou were so eager before, what happened?âÂ
You shake your head, moving closer to him, planting your knees at the sides of his chest. âI was, I mean, I am, I want you.âÂ
âSo? On my face.âÂ
âI â I donâtâŠâÂ
Haechanâs eyes roll back and a heavy annoyed groan comes out of his mouth, âOh God, donât tell me your ex never done that?â
âHyuck, he would rarely eat me out while I was laying, do you think he would make me sit on his face?âÂ
âAsshole.â Â
âHaechan!âÂ
âHeâs an asshole, you know it! But Iâm not, so come here and sit on your throne.âÂ
âYou didnât just call your face my throne?â Your tone is a mix of annoyance and incredulity, but you actually found that too hot to handle.Â
âI very much did. And now, do I have to drag you or will you fucking sit?âÂ
You gulp, nodding swiftly, but your legs are slower at moving next to his face and he doesnât like your hesitation. You yelp when his hands grab your ass and your thigh and pull you right where he wanted you.Â
âWas it that hard?â He asks teasingly, almost growling so close to your skin, before winking at your flustered face.Â
The sight of him under you, and his breath colliding with your pussy, make your knees tremble already. âNo â no.âÂ
âGood. But you still didnât listen,â he says sternly.
âI did, Iâm on your face,â you defend.Â
âAre you sitting?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âWhat are you waiting for? Do I have to do everything tonight?â His tone is getting lower, and the edge of anger in it causes your pussy to clench around nothing.Â
âBut I will⊠I will break your neck.âÂ
âAnd I will die like a man,â he insists, challenging you with a glare.
âNo, itâs ââÂ
His mad, animalistic, growl on your pussy when he forcefully slams you on him makes you choke on a moan and throw your head back while your hands automatically grab the headboard to hold onto something. Haechan tends to always be messy when he eats you out, he never does things you donât like, but he has to make sure you know heâs enjoying it, so heâs always a bit messier and louder than he has to be. But this time heâs taking his everything to let you know how badly he wants you. His fingers are planted on your skin, his nose is pressing right against your clit while his tongue moves to leave kitten licks that quickly turn into open-mouthed kisses.Â
âFuck,â you moan, hands clenching tight around the bar, and head falling down to see him. His eyes are closed and heâs having the time of his life as he sucks at your clit and lips with eagerness.Â
âYouâre so hot from here,â he mumbles, stopping only for a second to catch his breath before he resumes his movements. His pink muscle moves down, teasing your entrance, slurping up the juices that are dripping out of you, and when your thighs clench around his head in response, he groans gutturally.
You think you hurt him and try to pull up, but he forces you down with strength.Â
âDonât fucking move,â he growls, glaring at you, and you can only hum in reply, feeling your body melt under his skilled movements.Â
When Haechanâs lips dare to move down on your sensitive rim, you jolt, but heâs fast at keeping you in place, his hands on your thighs as he presses them down and sends you a daring glare.Â
âHae â I donât thinkâŠâÂ
âYeah, exactly, donât think,â he snarls, the movements on you getting sloppier and louder, making you start to grind against him unconsciously.Â
Moans choke you up as he explores new things with you, sending you into a new dimension. You canât fully comprehend youâre sitting on top of his face while he messily eats out your pussy and your ass. You canât believe heâs moaning under you, holding you tight, one hand busy touching your ass while the other wonders on your upper chest caressing your waist and your boobs.Â
You feel high and drunk on him. So much you can barely mutter a warning before you come, shaking on top of him, your movements are frenetic as you reach your peak while cries of his name slur out of your mouth with low moans. A tear almost slips from your eyes when Haechan doesnât stop right away and keeps stimulating your sensitive spots, itâs too much and you collapse on the other side, trying to catch your breath.Â
Haechan chuckles, licking up your juices before rubbing his nose against your neck. âFuck, Iâd eat you out for days,â he comments, rubbing his hands on your stomach. âYouâre so pretty when you moan and squirm, whether on top of me or under, and you taste so good.âÂ
âYou never let me pay you back.âÂ
He giggles, kissing you, âyou donât have to.âÂ
âBut maybe I want to,â you pout. You canât deny that you live for how much Haechan loves giving you oral, but you enjoy sucking him off just as much. You love how he lets you have control, how husky and warm his moans are, and you love when his hands weakly wrap around your hair⊠well, he only let you do it once but you had the time of your life and that never happened when you went down with your ex soâŠÂ
âHave you ever tried anal?â He asks out of nowhere, surprising you.Â
âWith someone? No. By myself⊠maybeâŠâÂ
He raises a brow while a smirk curls his lips. âMaybe? What kind of answer is that?âÂ
âI did,â you confess, feeling shy all of a sudden. Â
âUh,â he coos, poking your side playfully, âhad fun?âÂ
You lick your lips, shrugging. âFine, I did. I think I like it, but it might be different with, you know, a real person.âÂ
âWould you try?â He asks timidly, looking at you with puppy eyes. As if he has to beg to make you do something, as if he doesnât know you would try anything with him.Â
âYeah, why not.â
âGood, fuck,â he kisses you after letting out the breath he was holding in. âWanna fuck your ass,â he whispers against your neck, but you can feel the ear-to-ear smile on his face, âwanna be your first time.âÂ
Youâd dwell on how cheesy that sounds a bit more if only it wasnât for his hands groping your ass and squeezing hard while he ruts against your thigh like a pup in heat.Â
âYouâre pathetic,â you mock playfully, tugging his hair back, eliciting a broken moan from him. Â
âAnd youâre hot,â he breathes out, moving on top of you to shush you with a kiss while his right arm falls under the bed to search for something. âBeen thinking about this all day. You looked so pretty in that short white dress.âÂ
A small smile paints on your face, but it drops when he keeps rummaging in his bag next to the bag. âCanât you get up to get, I guess, the lube?âÂ
âNo,â he almost growls. âWant you.âÂ
âIâm not going anywhere, come on, need you to fuck me.âÂ
âYouâre so impatient,â he groans, âbut I got it!â He lifts his hand, showing you the small bottle of lube and you snicker at his proud smile.Â
âYouâre such a loser, youâre lucky youâre with me because anybody else wouldâve been out of the door by now.âÂ
âAnd they would lose the best dick of their life, so, dumb decision,â Haechan says before his lips crash on yours again. âAnd youâre not that dumb, right?âÂ
You shake your head, already feeling your breathing get shorter when his lube-covered fingers start playing with your rim.Â
âYou looked so, so fucking hot in that short sundress, fuck,â he moans, pulling away to sit between your legs, he pushes a finger inside and you bite back a moan. âWanted to press you against the handrail and fuck you right there on the restaurant balcony.âÂ
Your head rolls back, thinking of that afternoon. The tension between you could be cut with a knife, and there was something thrilling about the way you couldnât keep your eyes â and hands â off each other and still had to keep it a secret.Â
âYou shouldâve,â you breathe out, choking on your words when he starts fucking you with another finger, curling them inside and stretching you to get your hole ready for him.Â
âYeah? You wouldâve liked it?â
You nod, staring into his eyes with a teasing glare. âMaybe I shouldâve sat on top of you,â you stop to swallow, eyes squeezing when he brushes his thumb on your dripping pussy and starts teasing it, âon your lap and tried to â to keep it cool.â
He smirks, tilting his head before he pulls his fingers out. âI think youâre ready for me. You always are, right?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
You are, but when his thick cock pushes into you it still takes your breath away. Your fingers and your little purple toy canât compare to him, they donât fill you like this, and they donât feel so good.Â
âThatâs it, baby,â he whispers, rubbing his thumb on your waist in circular motions, âtaking me all like a good girl.âÂ
You bite back a groan and throw your head back, breathing deeper and longer before you reach his hand and beg him to move.Â
Haechan sneakers, âonly if you keep telling me your little fantasy.âÂ
âI â I donât think I can,â you confess; heâs barely moving into you, only making circular motions brushing against your sensitive spot, and you already feel weak.Â
âIâm sure you can,â he smiles, âI didnât fuck you dumb, yet.âÂ
Your holes clench at his words and you gather your sanity to keep talking. âSitting on your lap, trying to â trying not to fuck up and down on your dick,â you force out when he keeps his promise and starts moving in and out, gripping your hips tight to angle you just how he knows you like it best.Â
âYou think you can resist it? Stay on my dick without moving?âÂ
âYe-yes.âÂ
He laughs, throwing his head back as he starts snapping his hips faster. âYouâre so confident, baby. I would love to see it all fall down.â
âBut if I did, they would find out.âÂ
âYeah, and think about it, Iâd bend you over the table while everyone watches you get fucked dumb. Would you say no?âÂ
You nod, failing to give him a stronger verbal answer. Â
âLiar,â he spits out, grabbing your thighs to push them up. âEvery time I fuck you with Mark in the other room you moan even louder.âÂ
âThatâs not true.âÂ
âOh, no?â He tsks, cupping your cheeks. âHoney, you love putting on shows. Or is it just for me?âÂ
âFor you,â you confess, voice muffled by the pression heâs applying on your face.
The smirk that curls his lips is smug and cocky. âThat little dress was for me?âÂ
You nod and his smile grows bigger before it turns into a pout.
âI didnât get to take it off.âÂ
âYou were supposed to â fuck â to fuck me in it,â you mumble, catching your breath when his hold on you loosens.Â
âNext time,â he groans, âor maybe tomorrow.âÂ
You donât reply, only cry out louder when you come unexpectedly, taking you both by surprise.Â
âIâm â Iâm sorry, it â shit â it felt too good, I,â you donât truly know how to justify yourself because you donât know why youâre so sensitive tonight.Â
âShut up,â Haechan stops you with a kiss, âI know you canât help it when youâre with me.âÂ
âYouâre so fucking annoying,â you retort, rolling your eyes.Â
âBut you love it,â he smirks. âCome here.â He pulls out of you, slapping your thigh as he orders you to sit up. âWant me to fuck you hard?â
You nod, crawling to him at the end of the bed on your own, cupping his face to pull him in a rough kiss as your fingers slip in his hair, and his hands reach your asscheeks, shamelessly parting them before he spanks you hard.Â
âCan you take it?â He asks against your lips, rubbing his thumb against your jaw before he brushes it on your open mouth, staring into your eyes.Â
âYe-yes,â you say but your voice is shaking. When his hand wraps around your neck to tease a kiss that he never gives you, you frown, and he snorts.Â
âYouâre so cute, you know?â His patronizing tone makes more wetness drool down your thighs but you still find the strength to push his buttons.Â
âAnd youâre hard, you didnât come once, yet. Shouldnât you fix this?âÂ
He doesnât reply, he pushes you onto the bed, making you face the only mirror in the room, itâs not extremely close to the bed but youâre sure it will do for whatever he has in mind.
âI think youâre so pretty when I touch you, kiss you, tease you,â he whispers against your ear, âfuck you,â he fucks into you without warning, and you gasp, âitâs a shame you donât get to see it. To watch your pride slip out of you every time that Iâm inside you.âÂ
Your head rolls down when he starts fucking into you faster than before but he shakes his head, clicks his tongue, and pushes you up with a tug on the makeshift ponytail. âYouâre not running away from me, babe,â he says. âYou might not let me into your true self but I have you turned inside out when youâre under me.âÂ
You blink your eyes, staring at him through the mirror, feeling small because you feel like you canât keep up with his gaze. Haechan has control, he does have you in the palm of your hand, now, only when he fucks you, and you canât care to mind.Â
You want him to fuck you until thereâs nothing more in your brain. You want him to know all the small things that make you feel good. Because nobody before him even wanted to know them, to own you like this, and you donât want him to stop.Â
âLook at you,â he whispers, biting your earlobe, âis it so terrible to not have everything under control?â You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if heâs mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. âYou donât have to worry about anything.âÂ
âWith you,â you cry out, shaking a tear away and gritting your teeth when he hits you deeper and you feel your body on fire again.
âYes, with me,â he says. âYou donât have to think about anything when youâre with me. Iâve got you.âÂ
You almost scream because you hate how much comfort you feel at his words, they donât sound sexual, not even now that his rutting into you at a fast speed, fucking your ass with so much force that the bed is squeaking and the slaps of your skin against each other fill the room. Even now, something about him makes you feel in the right safe place and youâre not sure this is how youâre supposed to feel while being railed by your friend with benefits.Â
You shake your head, forcing your eyes open as you stare at him in the mirror. âHarder,â you whisper, sinking your nails in the crumpled sheets under you.Â
âHarder?â He mocks. âAre you sure?âÂ
You nod, pushing your ass up, trying to provoke him into giving you more.Â
âIf you say so.â His hand moves hesitantly on your neck, he doesnât apply pressure, he just keeps you in his hold as he fucks into you with rhythmic, deep, and breath-taking thrusts. A low grunt escapes from his lips when your eyes roll back for a moment and you start to be more vocal, mouth staying parted and chest rising swiftly as you gasp for air.Â
You are a vision. And he could get lost in that.Â
âYou â fuck â feel like heaven, baby,â he groans, âand look so pretty with no thoughts in your brain.â His voice hits right beside your ear and sends shivers down your spine, the eye contact through the reflecting surface makes you melt, tighten the knot in your stomach and almost come on the spot.Â
Haechan chuckles, kissing your cheeks in a mockingly delicate motion. âWere you about to come again, honey?âÂ
You shake your head, lying blatantly because you know that if you give it to him, he wonât shut up. But he knows you were.
âYes, you were,â he taunts with a sharp laugh. âWhat did I say about holding it back?âÂ
âBut I â I canât, fuck,â you cry out. âToo much, canât take another one.âÂ
âYes, you can,â he orders. âCome for me, and then Iâll show you, youâll come again.âÂ
The last thing you want to do is listen to him but heâs a sneaky piece of shit that knows you too well, and when two fingers rub against your clit and two others pass from your neck to your mouth, forcing you to suck them, your orgasm explode before you can even try to fight it.Â
âI fucking â ugh â hate you,â you cry out, still shaking from the pleasure, writhing under him, shaking your head when he cleans his fingers on your chin.Â
âThe mess on your face is nothing compared to the mess between your legs. You know, right?âÂ
Yes, you do. You can feel your pussy drip an embarrassing amount of cum, and you know how much your hole is clenching around him. But itâs not your fault.Â
The sounds that come from his mouth are pure condescending mockery as he smirks down at you. âCanât answer me anymore?âÂ
Youâre about to open your mouth but he shuts you up with an open hand on it. âI donât want to hear you. I donât need to hear you to know youâre going dumb on my cock.âÂ
You muffle something but itâs in vain, and his eyes glint when you give up in two seconds.Â
âYouâre right,â he groans, âsomething is different about this place. You never let me have so much â fuck â so much control over you. You never let me fuck you this good, like you deserve.â
Youâd like to complain. Because if he thinks that your past fucks werenât this good, heâs dead wrong. But when your eyes lock, you get heâs still talking about something else. Itâs not about the sex or the many orgasms, itâs about you. You didnât talk back, you didnât roll your eyes when he called you âprettyâ or âbeautifulâ, and youâre not running away even if heâs all over you. You get lost in his bites and kisses on your shoulders, on his hands on your skin, and his words filling your brain.Â
âWouldnât fuck you in front of the others,â Haechan grunts. Heâs picking a brutal pace and you feel like you could break, but moans are still coming out of your mouth, hoarse and needy. âThey donât deserve to see you like this,â he groans, slipping a hand under you, reaching your clit, and making you yelp. âThis is only for me. This is mine to see.âÂ
Your eyes roll back. The possessiveness in his voice shouldnât make you feel things, but it does, it gets your inside to twist and your heart to race and your cunt to clench around nothing even more. You feel like your chest could explode when he keeps repeating that youâre his and his only and you can tease everybody else as long as you want but no one will ever make you feel like he does. His pace on your clit speeds up, while his head falls in the crook of your neck, and then his hips still, the orgasm hits you at the same time and your bodies freeze as the pleasure buzzes through your bones, his hand falls from your mouth and you gasp for air while he collapses on top of you.Â
You start breathing in synch, and you enjoy the sensation of his chest on your back, but that doesnât last long. Heâd love to stay there some more, but your friends might come back in minutes now, and he truly doesnât want anyone else to even get a glimpse of you like this. So he rolls to the side, turning his head to stare at you while he dares to caress your back with his hand. You never let him do it, he had tried, he thought aftercare was essential and that after everything he put you through you deserved more than just a simple âare you okay?â followed by your positive answer before you slipped to run back home or if he was lucky only in the bathroom before you came back to sleep next to him, as far as possible.Â
But this time you donât glare at him, and you donât move away, you move closer, not much, but for you is a lot, and you keep your eyes closed while your left hand searches for his body shily, you donât touch him, itâs just a brush of your fingers against his stomach, but it makes his heart jump in his throat.Â
âI thinkâŠâ he whispers, stopping when your eyes flutter open, terrified he ruined something, but you donât talk, âI think we should shower, so we can be asleep when they come home.âÂ
You smile, stretching and covering your mouth when you yawn. âIf you carry me,â you mumble. âI canât walk.âÂ
He chuckles and then sits up. âItâs my fault so, yeah, Iâll carry you.âÂ
Nothing changes after that small summer trip. You go back and start being stressed once again and the only relief you have is Haechan. Some days are so stressful that you beg for him to come pick you up at work so you can eat something outside and then head back to his apartment to fuck.Â
Yeah, to fuck.Â
That is always the original plan, the only thing you need him for. You feel bad for some time treating him like a living dildo, but isnât it what you two are for each other? You know thereâs respect, and care, not love, never love, but other than being friends, when you meet up alone thereâs just sex.Â
Thatâs what itâs supposed to be.Â
But then those things turn into⊠something else. You think it started one night when you came to his place but couldnât jump on each other because he got a phone call he couldnât decline, and you had to sit on the couch. You couldâve been a tease and started masturbating in front of him but that thought didnât even cross your mind. You sat there, grabbing the remote to turn on the tv, hoping to catch something to keep you entertained, and you did. It was one of your favorite movies and when Haechan ended the call and sat next to you, you both had forgotten why you were there.Â
Just like right now. Itâs a Friday night and you came to his place to spend an evening together. No, you didnât break any rules, itâs just a simple movie night. After you found out you both have an interest in films you couldnât stop thinking about it, so it was an excuse to watch and discuss some movies together.Â
âHi,â Haechan opens the door, and he looks wrecked. You panic seeing him because it looks like he fought with a bear with bare hands, heâs sweating, and his hair is a mess, and your heart clenches in your chest⊠is he fucking â âI cooked.âÂ
Oh, he cooked.Â
That made perfect sense, but it doesnât make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up. You mentally slap yourself and smile as big as you can before making your way in. Suddenly regretting that you canât slam him against the couch and ride him until you both pass out.Â
âLast time chips hurt your stomach, so I made fries, and some small pizzas,â he exclaims, disappearing in the kitchen before showing up again with his hands full. âI hope you like this.â Haechan almost passes out when he sees the smile on your face, itâs so big and he swears he never saw you smile like that, but the moment of happiness doesnât last because that smile disappears after your thanks.Â
Itâs another mental slap to yourself and your heart for beating so damn hard. Itâs just snacks, anybody would have done that, right? Except you know damn well itâs not true. Your ex never cared about the few things your stomach hated and kept you up at night. Sometimes even Johnny forgot you couldnât eat chips for God knows whatever reason. And it is annoying to fry and turn on the oven when he couldâve just opened a bag and eaten.Â
Haechan is a good person. You justify. He is. You know it. Heâs kind, good with kids, doesnât know how to cook but he tries (for you), and when you tell him something makes you uncomfortable, he always tries to fix it as soon as he can, heâs perfâ
âWe should eat before it gets cold, then,â you almost scream, scaring him because you were dead silent in your thoughts for too long.Â
And Haechan thinks he will never get you. But itâs fine like this. You are to discover, and he likes it. Itâs thrilling, and every small step deeper into you feels like the biggest of the rewards. But he wonders when, and if, he will ever reach your core.Â
For now, itâs fine like this, as you sit on the couch with the food in front of you and the movie you picked starts playing on the screen.Â
After those movie nights, you should leave. You never set them too late for that reason, so you can drive back home before midnight. Itâs easy to do, youâre just a bit tired but your legs are not shaking post-orgasm, your heart is not jumping out of your ribcage and youâre not leaking cum.Â
It is easy.Â
Yet, you stop doing it.Â
âWhy donât you stay?âÂ
You should leave. Just like you did that one time he woke up with you and asked you to stay for breakfast. You were late. And right now, you canât be late, but tomorrow you need to be home before nine because you have something important to do. Itâs an easy lie to tell, he doesnât know anything about you anyway.Â
âI donât know,â you whisper and Haechan looks taken aback. Of course, he is, thatâs not a typical response of you. You wouldâve screamed something at him, acting like a dog when someone crosses its personal space, barking left and right (not the nicest comparison he had told you â yes, he did â but you couldnât get mad cause he was right). âI donât have a toothbrush or my towels.âÂ
You realize that you broke another rule when Haechan stares at you with wide eyes and mouth agape. Thatâs the reason why you canât stay. And the way those words came out of your mouth shows that youâre almost â he learned he has to be careful with you â sad for it.Â
âI have a spare one,â he says before you can go back to your true self, âit can be yours.âÂ
That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, youâre reminded of all the lines youâve crossed. You didnât bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesnât keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there. Â
You know it doesnât, it feels weird, romantic, and domestic, and fuck it, you never left any of your belongings in your ex-boyfriendâs apartment. Yet, you canât bring yourself to take it out and throw it away.Â
Itâs because you might need it.Â
Yes, you might need it.Â
Thatâs what you tell yourself.Â
Things start going downhill when you break rule number 3.Â
Technically you didnât break it.Â
You didnât exactly invite him over.Â
A phone call at midnight while drunk-you slurred out incomprehensible words and sobbed like a child to whom somebody just stole their favourite teddy bear canât be considered an invite, right? In your defense, when he hung off the call, making you sob even harder cause you thought you fucked it up another time, you werenât expecting the bell to ring ten minutes later. And when you dragged your body to the door, you didnât expect to find him standing there, his nightwear only covered with a jacket, his hair a mess, and his breath short, a clear sign he rushed to your place.Â
âAre you okay?â Haechan asks worriedly, shaking your shoulders to make sure youâre alive and not a creation of his imagination.Â
If you were your usual you, you wouldâve slapped him. Wasnât it clear that you are not fine? But youâre not there tonight, so you say something else.Â
âIâm sorry,â you sob, tears streaming down your face as you feel guiltier than ever, âI didnât know who to call.âÂ
If you were your usual you, you wouldâve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechanâs eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight.Â
âWhat happened?â He asks, trying to appear calm but heâs not calm at all. You are vulnerable, you. And out of all the people to be vulnerable with, you chose him.Â
âIâm an asshole,â you mumble, letting your body fall into his arms, face hiding in the crook of his neck while you let go to a nervous cry.
âHey, itâs alright, Iâm here now. Should we sit?âÂ
You nod, but youâre not really giving orders to your body when he drags you to the couch and lets you cuddle up next to him, shushing you and rubbing circles on your back.Â
âI never do anything right,â you mutter, holding yourself closer to him, hoping youâll disappear into him and wonât have to face another day.Â
âI donât think so.âÂ
âBut you donât know me, you⊠if I only⊠if you only knew all my flaws you would run away, even if between us was just sex.âÂ
Haechanâs face twists in pain as he looks down at you, only seeing your hair because your face is still pressed against his chest. âCause itâs not?âÂ
âWeâre friends, but youâŠâ your words die in your mouth, trying to give an order to all the things that are running in your head. âI try to fix things and then they go wrong, and how do I stop being a bad person? How do I stop hurting everybody?âÂ
âWho did you hurt?âÂ
âI mean⊠I am hurt, but I⊠is he manipulating, or am I truly a bitch?âÂ
Haechan canât follow you, he wants to be a support, but you arenât giving him clues about anything that is going on and heâs terrified of crossing boundaries, especially now that he has you so close and honest in his arms. This feels more intimate than all the sex you shared, and itâs scarier.Â
âWho are you talking about?â He dares to ask, losing the hold on you when you sit up, moving away from his body, not much, your legs are still pressed together, and you search for his hand for comfort.Â
âMy ex.âÂ
âYour ex?âÂ
You nod, biting your lips just to prevent another terrible sound to roll out. âI started thinking⊠about us and why we didnât work out, and⊠there were so many things that didnât sit right. I donât think I was crazy over him, but I⊠Iâve always respected him. He surely wasnât the love of my life but fuck,â at that you break down again, turning your face to the side because even if youâre in the middle of a breakdown you canât be so vulnerable to Haechanâs eyes. âWeâve been together for a year and a half and only now, because I asked for more closure, he told me he used me just for sex. And as the dumbass pathetic mess I am, I⊠we⊠we used to fuck.âÂ
Haechanâs jaw tenses as he listens to you, itâs probably not his place to syndicate since you two are using each other for the same reason, but itâs mutual and consensual. He coughs and then speaks when you donât explain more. âAfter?â
âWhat?âÂ
âYou went back to him after the breakup⊠to fuck?â Â
âYes,â you cry out, voice coming out in a yelp. And you know you look like a mess, tears and snot staining your face, but you canât control your emotions anymore. You feel stupid. Every time you let your sentiments have the best, life proves you shouldnât do it.Â
Haechan sighs, taking you back in his hold, letting you go off in his embrace. He doesnât talk, not sure of what to say, and let silence pass by, lulling you, and drawing circles in your hair. Only when youâve calmed down a bit he talks. âWhy are you the bad person in this?âÂ
âCause he told me Iâm insufferable. He said he loved me at first but⊠every day with me was âkilling himâ or whatever. Because I⊠I like things done a certain way, I like order, I⊠I canât let my life go into shambles, Hyuck. Iâve lived the worst days of my life because I had lost control, I feared I wasnât going to make it out alive only because I wasnât mentally there anymore, because I wasnât in control. I let people walk over me and put myself last. I canât go back there, I canât.âÂ
âYouâre not insufferable for being honest. Youâre sincere about what you feel, not the type of person that hides behind honesty to make fun of others or to push them out of their comfort zone. I mean, surely sometimes itâs a lot when you want to have so much control over things, and how badly you react at times when a minor thing doesnât go as planned. But I think that there are some flaws the people that love us should learn and comprehend, and either decide itâs not a weight for them or be frank and break up. Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and thatâs fine.âÂ
You sniffle, knowing heâs right, but also feeling that nobody seems to be able, or willing to even try, to carry the baggage you carry with you.Â
âWould you date me?â That was the alcohol talking, and the heartbreak, and Haechan knows it. But he doesnât know how drunk and heartbroken you are. He doesnât know if this is a tricky question, if you wouldâve remembered it the next morning and instead of taking it as a friend supporting you, it wouldâve caused you two to drift apart. He doesnât want to lose you, so he circles around it the best he can.Â
âYour value is not in the people who would date you or not, not even in those who did, like your ex.â
âYes but, isnât this the same? I am using you for sex, Iâm doing the same.âÂ
âItâs not the same. We want this, and weâre friends. Iâm here, supporting you. I donât think he supported you that much while technically you were dating, am I wrong?âÂ
âNo, youâre right. I shouldâve seen the signs.âÂ
âWeâre all good once things are done, but we canât blame ourselves from the past. You were in love, it doesnât matter that you werenât madly in love, you never disrespected him. While he made you believe he loved you, and in reality, he stopped feeling that and still used you. So, whoâs the asshole here?âÂ
âHim,â you whisper with a shaky voice.Â
âGood, thatâs my good girl,â he praises, caressing your cheeks and wiping the tears away with his thumb. âSee, you can see things clearly after the storm.âÂ
You hum, a small smile plastering on your face before you cuddle closer to him. You take a deep breath, inhaling his perfume and you feel at peace. âYou know I like you, right? Like, I respect you and care for you.âÂ
Haechanâs smile goes from ear to ear, deep down he does, but he wouldâve never expected you to say it out loud. âI know, even if you run away from my bed as if I bite you.âÂ
You laugh, hiding your face against his chest and your fingers tighten around his shirt. âIâm sorry.âÂ
âItâs fine, Iâm used to an empty bed anyway, so itâs not much of a difference when I wake up and donât find you there.âÂ
Your head rolls up, chin pressing between his sternum as your eyes meet his. âMind not waking up to an empty bed tomorrow?âÂ
âMh?âÂ
âCan you please stay the night?â You ask shily, voice quivering. âI know Iâm selfish, but I need someone with me.âÂ
Haechan smiles, âItâs not selfish, thatâs what friends do.âÂ
Thatâs what friends do.Â
Cleaning your smudged makeup and tears.Â
Giving you water and an aspirin.Â
Helping you clean your body and even apply moisturizer.Â
Taking care of your hair.Â
Putting you in clean nightwear.Â
Whispering a song to your ear to make you fall asleep.Â
Holding you close the entire night, so you donât have nightmares.Â
Yeah, thatâs what friends do.Â
You know Haechan has aâŠÂ sparkling personality. Heâs chatty, outgoing, and friendly with everyone. Heâs not so different from Johnny, so you two get along well because you grew up with your best friend starting conversations even with walls, it doesnât annoy you when Haechan does the same.Â
Well, it didnât annoy you.Â
Other than that, Haechan has this tendency of flirting with pretty much everyone â of age, and that doesnât give signs of discomfort â not so different than you, so you couldnât get mad at him for that, right? Those flirty remarks are jokes, silly things that fit into the moment and that he says just for funny purposes, right?Â
You arenât so sure about it. And you arenât even sure why you care so much. That sensation at the pit of your stomach every time he talks with someone else, touches them, or winks and smirks, is not normal. You know heâs going to take you home and fuck you all night, giving you exactly what you ask for, so why do you feel like this?Â
âThis place is dope.â Markâs voice rings loudly in your ear, and his body touches yours as he messily sits next to you on the bench, dragging you out of the intense staring competition you were having with yourself, Haechan and his new friendâs body.Â
âYeah, Johnny always finds the best places,â you force out, gripping the empty glass in your hands tighter and obligating yourself to look around and not go back to Haechan and that fake blonde girl that is all over him.Â
âSeems like someoneâs having fun,â Mark laughs, looking in front of you and you curse mentally because you know who heâs referring to, and right now you wish Haechan wasnât having the time of his life. âJohnny made a match for himself and for Hyuck too, the only one missing is you.âÂ
You chuckle, looking at the floor, sighing deeply before you decide that itâs better to divert the conversation from you. âWhereâs Minjeong?âÂ
âOh, sheâs at home, actually Iâll leave in a few minutes cause I have to go to her place,â he says with a smile on his face and you think itâs cute how he reacts when sheâs brought up. Heâs so madly in love and she is too, when they come along they make you wish you had what they had, for two seconds, just two. âAlso doing Channie a favour, you know,â he winks and then chuckles, but you donât find the implications funny, and your stomach twitches in discomfort.Â
Did Haechan ask him to leave the house empty or is he just being playful? And what if you wonât be the one Haechan takes home?Â
âI donât think heâs going home with her,â you say, barely hiding the bitter tone. Itâs not an opinion, youâre manifesting because you canât bear that thought, but Mark is not on your track and he snickers again.Â
âThink theyâll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?âÂ
You force out a laugh while replying, âGod, I hope not.â But youâre dying inside and you wish Mark would leave so you can run outside, slap yourself, go back inside and find somebody else to fuck that night and put your dumb brain â or heart, but youâre not ready to accept that just yet â to sleep.Â
âI think he will last until home, heâs not a fan of doing it in unpractical places, dirty or too risky.âÂ
âIs the car risky?âÂ
âYes,â he replies as if heâs shocked by your underestimation. âPeople know what goes on even if they canât see, and then it moves and fogs and itâs⊠embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, heâd rather go home with his balls blue.âÂ
Oh.Â
Oh.Â
âToo much information,â you joke, shrugging off how your body heated up, and Mark apologies through laughter before standing up.Â
âSorry again. Man, Iâm used to making fun of him with him and got carried away.âÂ
âItâs fine, Iâm a grown woman, sex doesnât traumatize me,â you reassure but your dumb heart is beating weirdly faster in your chest, and the awareness that Haechan never done it with anybody else, that he also broke one of his unspoken rules for you, is driving you insane.Â
Now youâd like to get up and drag him by the hair and ask him if he would fuck her in a car but you donât, you canât. So you say your goodbyes to Mark and then stand up to walk to the bar, some alcohol will do.Â
âHey, pretty,â a manâs voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention.Â
âHi,â you reply back, trying to bite back the bitterness of your voice, whoever that man is, he isnât the man you want to reach your side.Â
âAll alone here?âÂ
You roll your eyes at his lame pick-up words and at the hint of the smirk you can hear in his voice. âIâm with friends, just need to cool down for a bit.âÂ
âOh, all dating and all over each other while they forget about you,â he jokes and only then you turn around. Partially true, but being left alone by your friends had never been a problem, you always found someone that wanted to dance with you, even right now you have this man â a handsome man, with black hair, tanned skin, and a somehow not creepy smile â hitting on you but he isnât the man you want.Â
âIâm not actually,â you lie, you donât even know why. You couldâve said yes, flirted with him a bit more, ground against each other for a while before going home, to his place, wait, to his place? What if he was a murderer? And with what car? You shouldâve called a Uber, or worst, slept over. But soon you realize his bed isnât the bed you want to fall asleep into after some draining orgasms. The idea of even being at his place makes your skin crawl and you push down a groan when two brown eyes, auburn hair and bronze skin fill your thoughts instead.Â
âThen why are you alone? Youâre too pretty to be wasted here, sitting all by yourself. I could hear your thoughts from there,â he says, pointing at where he was sitting before.Â
Your face twitches in irritation, you donât like being called pretty, not with that tone at least, and not by men that arenât Haeâ anyway, you donât like it. It feels like mockery and when it comes from menâs lips it feels like theyâre trying to box you up there, as if being pretty is all youâre worth but at the same time, they canât compliment you with words like âbeautifulâ or âgorgeousâ because then they would boost your ego too much and they cannot compete with confident women.Â
âAnd what were my thoughts, Harry Potter?â You joke, trying to hide the bitter tone with a forced small smile.Â
He snorts, shaking his head, and shifting closer to you. Your first reaction is to move away but another body on the other side stops you from going far.Â
âI donât recall Harry Potter being able to mind read,â he whispers, and you feel his breath collide against your neck, and his fingers graze your thigh. âAnyway, I could tell you were begging for attention.âÂ
You gulp. You donât like this anymore, you didnât like this in the first place, to be honest. But him being all over your personal space without your consent is making you uncomfortable and for some reason, you canât react like usual. Maybe itâs because heâs not doing anything, or well, not something so evident that wouldnât make the whole club call you a crazy attention whore for accusing an innocent man.Â
So, you sit quietly; if you donât talk back, heâll get tired and will leave, thatâs what you pray for. You just have to wait for a miracle.Â
And just when youâre about to lose all hope, and the man moves even closer to you, a fit of cough brings you back to earth.Â
âHoney,â Haechan calls, âsorry, the line at the bathroom was endless. Should we go?âÂ
It takes you a while to realize heâs talking to you, but once your brain registers his voice, you let go of a breath of relief, and when you turn around you meet the pissed-off expression of the man next to you.Â
âWhoâs this?âÂ
âHer boyfriend,â Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. âNeeded something, sir?âÂ
Haechan is clearly mocking him, staring at the stranger with a challenging glare and moving closer to you, almost to shield you from him.Â
âNothing, have a great night,â the man mutters angrily before walking away.Â
âYou too!â Haechan screams and then turns to you. âAre you alright? It seemed like he was crossing some lines.âÂ
Youâre still shaken, and only mumble some hums as a reply. Itâs not really because of that man but mostly because you werenât expecting this from Haechan. Or worse, you werenât expecting your heart to react when he called himself your boyfriend.Â
âIâm fine,â you whisper before briefly looking around, this is getting too much. You donât give him time to check another time that youâre up and walking speedily to grab your jacket and storm outside. Haechan doesnât get it, for the nth time he canât predict anything of you, and he feels guilty because maybe he read you wrong, maybe you were willingly flirting with that man and he fucked up everything. But he still runs after you, and thatâs, one, not what you expected, and two, not what you needed.Â
âIâm sorry, I didnât know you were flirting back with him,â he apologizes, running after you, grabbing your wrist, and forcing you to turn around.Â
You sniffle, looking at the ground because this is so pathetic and itâs already the second time he catches you crying and you canât bear how vulnerable you have shown yourself to him â yes, that is too many times for you. Bottling up feelings and emotions is your top skill after programming everything like a mastermind to make sure everything would flow perfectly and everyone would have a very specific image of you, so why the hell are you a mess every time he comes around?Â
âI can go talk to him and explain it to him ââ
âNo,â you stop him. âI⊠Iâm a bit overwhelmed because I⊠I wasted a night out, I couldâve stayed at home and written a little or gone on with my favourite series, but you knowâŠâÂ
âFleabag?â He taunts, tilting his head as he tries to meet your eyes.
âYeah,â you whisper, running a hand on your neck. Â
âYou already know it by heart, it would be your tenth rewatch,â he jokes but when you look at him with your lips awkwardly pressed in a thin line, his eyes go wide. âOh God, you started it again?âÂ
âIâm sorry,â you cry out, âitâs my comfort show, and then the other day I fucked up again, I needed to see myself being a total failure in someone else and Fleabag is always there for me.âÂ
Haechan chuckles, shaking his head, still staring at you with an amused expression. âItâs fine, itâs fine. Need a hot priest too?âÂ
That should make you laugh â oh, how much you wanted that â but it only makes you let out a chocked sob because fuck, he surely doesnât carry a rosary and the bible is not his favourite book, he canât say mass, but you feel like Haechan is your hot priest. Heâs fucking you up in ways nobody else ever did. Fleabag at least had God and morals to come between them but you, what do you have? Nothing.Â
âIâm sorry,â he says, pulling you in a hug, âno hot priests, no judging for your fixations. How about you tell me what is going on?âÂ
âNo,â you reply, hiding in his hold. It should be easy, embarrassing but easy, to slur out that youâre a mess because you feared he wasnât going to pay you a bit of attention, surely you shouldâve turned it into a confession of how dick-addicted you were and how badly you needed him â vulgarly, his cock â after an entire week of absence, but itâs not easy to be your usual â or past â self when you feel like you are missing him more than you are missing what he knows how to use best. âYou should go inside, sheâs waiting for you.â So you place the weight on him, hoping he wonât take you home because you canât do another night like when you called him in the middle of desperation.Â
You donât catch his expression, a held-back smirk mixed with eyes full of surprise, but that would be the look on his face that youâd see if youâd stopped staring at the cobblestones on the sidewalk.Â
âAre youâŠÂ jealous?âÂ
Your head is not facing the ground anymore, with a snap so fast you know itâs a miracle you didnât break your neck, your eyes lock with Haechanâs. And then you laugh, hysterically. Itâs a fake laugh and he gets it, he can see you panic, he saw it in your eyes that brief moment they intertwined, and he knows.Â
You are jealous.Â
And you know he knows it, so you have to fix this mess.Â
âFine, I wanted to fuck you tonight, itâs been a week and Iâm kinda needy, and seeing you with her got me mad, but not jealous. Do you know when youâre horny, you think youâre close to getting some relief and then something happens and what you have in mind doesnât happen anymore?â You ask, and you see in his face that heâs barely following the words youâre spitting out before you can betray yourself. âBut itâs fine, my toys are still working, so I can use them instead.â
âAre you walking home?âÂ
Oh, so he doesnât care about anything you said? He didnât believe it, right? Fuck, now heâll think you love him.Â
âYes.âÂ
Haechan shakes his head, before grabbing your hand and pulling you to the opposite side. âCome on, donât make me drag you.âÂ
âIâm not going back inside,â you say, trying to pull away and he stops, sighing.Â
âHoney, Iâm taking you home.â
Oh.Â
Oh.Â
Youâd fight if you werenât a mess, you surely would do it and tell him itâs not necessary, but you need a ride back home so thatâs the only reason you say yes. You donât hope you will break rule number three again and he will fuck away this sadness youâre carrying around. Why are you even sad? Heâs there, right at your side, driving you home after you cried like a child in the middle of the street, comparing yourself to a fucking tv series character, an insane character, by the way.Â
âDo you think I talk to myself?âÂ
âWhat?â He almost swerves when you talk after five minutes of straight silence.Â
âLike Fleabag, you know. The thing she does when she talks to us?âÂ
âI donât know, Iâve never seen you turn around mid-conversation to stare at a spot behind you or to your side to talk to a camera, so I guess no.âÂ
You sit in silence, blankly staring at the street in front of you. Oh, you do. Not the camera, not really, but you are slowly transcending into the madness of that old cat lady that Johnny always talked about.Â
âIâm insane,â you cry out.Â
Haechan laughs, turning to stare at you for a split second, and smiling again at your devasted face. âI just think youâre drunk.âÂ
âI didnât drink,â you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. âGot two small glasses of something that wasnât even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.âÂ
Shit.Â
Fuck.Â
âShe was hot.âÂ
Think fast. Think fast. Think fast.Â
âYou shouldâve gone home with her. Can we go back so I will go home with her?âÂ
âI take it back, you are insane, not drunk,â he giggles, caressing your thigh when the car stops at a traffic light.Â
You groan. Why is he so unfazed by your weird tactics? Why does he laugh so tenderly even when heâs teasing you? Why does it feel like he holds so much love in his voice, words, and touches? âIâm sorry, it was a shitty night and Iâm⊠overstimulated. Not sexually, but mentally. Everything feels doubled.âÂ
âThatâs why Iâm taking you home.âÂ
Your brain has many things to say but you keep your mouth shut, you already messed up enough tonight and youâre not sure you can live tomorrow with the consequences of these minor errors already, so adding more to the list wouldnât be a wise thing.Â
When you arrive home you donât move. You should jump off the car to slump in your bed not even changing yourself â once again going against one of the thousands of rules you have in order to survive in the insanity of your sanity. But you donât want to leave his side. You like being around Haechan, even when you donât talk, even right now that you feel on the verge of tears again and you canât blame your hormones, while the music plays from the radio.Â
And Haechan gets it. Your usual self? Out of the car in a second; the first times you two hung out you barely gave him time to stop before you were under the porch of the complex you lived in. He once again has no idea whatâs going on inside you, but he knows he canât leave you alone. He doesnât care if you use toys, but for how shaken you look, he knows the only thing youâll pick up will be the phone to call your ex, and he doesnât want that. You donât deserve to be hurt, and your ex doesnât even deserve to hear your voice.Â
âWanna come to my place?â He asks, breaking the silence, staring at you while youâre lost with the gaze in front of you on the quite empty road of your house. âYou have everything there anyway.â
You have everything there anyway.Â
His toothbrush that became yours.Â
His white t-shirt that became yours.Â
A new set of towels he had bought just for you.Â
His favourite mug that became yours.Â
A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else youâre not ready to face yet.Â
âYeah, letâs go home.âÂ
Haechan shouldnât smile this big when those words leave your lips and you slump in your seat letting go of the tension, but he does. He knows youâre drunk, he knows youâll go back to being your distant self in the morning, and probably he wonât even find you there when he wakes up, but he likes this new side of you so he wants to enjoy it while it lasts.Â
Home.Â
He loves the way it rolls from your lips and how that house feels like home when youâre inside.Â
Apparently, your new plan is to give Haechan a heart attack, cause when he wakes up in the morning and, not only still finds you there, but finds you cuddled up on top of him, he feels like dying. He is not even sure you are you, maybe heâs making you up and all of this is a dream.Â
Now that you are awake you feel the same. You are in his bed, wearing his shirt and pants, itâs nine in the morning, your clothes are not scattered on the floor and the sheets arenât a mess. Why? You know why. Unfortunately, you werenât drunk enough the night before to forget how embarrassing it had been, but you wish you could find another reason.Â
âOh, hi,â he cheers when you enter the kitchen after ten minutes of contemplating whether running away now was a good idea or if the more you acted weird, the worst it got. âHeadache?âÂ
âNo, luckily no,â you reply, running a hand on your face and sitting on a chair. âWhy are you cooking, trying to blow us up?âÂ
âOh, youâre back, I was starting to worry,â he laughs at your snarky remark, shaking his head.Â
You donât reply, only drop on your arms, resting your head on them against the table as you watch him move around. He might not be a good chef, but you love the way he moves, itâs like his body always makes sure to remind you of all the years he spent doing ballet, and even if he hates it now, youâre glad he did it.
Heâs hot, even in the morning, even with his eyes still sleepy and hair a mess. But you feel like something of the crazy, pungent, chemistry that used to buzz between you stopped doing so. Or maybe this is a friend moment without the benefits? You canât tell, and you just want to get back on the benefits again because the whole friendsâ thing is turning romantic and you donât like it.Â
So, your feet move quickly, making you reach him in a second and wrap your arms around his body.Â
âWhat are youââÂ
âShh,â you shush him, moving your hands lower on his abdomen.Â
âOh, sure, of course, you werenât just hugging me, fuck,â he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you donât get it.Â
âWant you, Hyuckie,â you pout against his ear, and you can feel him shiver in your hold.Â
âNot now,â he murmurs, reaching for your hand to move it away.Â
âThen when?â You ask, slipping your hand into the rubber band after you slapped his away. âYou never fucked me in the morning, you know?âÂ
Haechan gulps and turns off the stove, hands losing their grip on everything they touch while your hands kept teasing him more and more.Â
âWhen we had all, mhh, day to ourselves,â he murmurs, squeezing his eyes as he tries to donât give in to you.Â
âFucked me in the evening, at night, and in the afternoon.âÂ
âYou slept till noon of course I couldnât fuck you in your sleep.âÂ
âWell, couldnât or wouldnât, you still didnât, and I need you to do it now.âÂ
Haechanâs breath falters when your fingers wrap around his dick and start moving to get him hard, head reclined low as he tries to hold in the moans youâre dragging out of him.Â
âCan you get hard for me?â You whisper teasingly and Haechan groans, glaring at you.Â
âNow you think I canât get hard?âÂ
You chuckle at his voice and also because you can feel his cock hardening in your hand with each stroke on it.Â
âGood,â you hum, starting to kiss his neck and when his head rolls back and he searches for your lips on his, you pull away.Â
âOh, cool, went back to phase one?â He says and you can hear the bit of anger in his voice even if heâs trying to hide it.Â
You donât know what to reply, you can turn it into something sexual, so he wonât get mad and keep this thing going. You donât even know why you pulled away. Well, yes, you do, but why are you so afraid all of a sudden?Â
âFuck me first and then maybe later youâll get a kiss.â This will do, coming out sultrily it only sounds like dirty talk and hides your insecurities. âYou left me hanging for too long to get what you want so easily.âÂ
And Haechan falls for it, groaning again and leaning back on your shoulder while his eyes are shut and from his lips start to come out more moans.Â
âFuck, youâre so good,â he whimpers, fucking back into your hands.Â
You smirk, finding yourself staring at his blissed face a bit too long, but he looks just so beautiful like this, with his long lashes resting on his full soft cheeks, and his plump lips parted to let out soft, raspy whimpers.Â
âWanna come?âÂ
âIn â fuck â in your mouth, please. Use your mouth.â
Your hands leave his dick, and you take two steps back.
âTurn around and take your pants off,â you order and stare at him following your instructions in the blink of an eye. When heâs done, you get on your knees and donât waste time taking his hard cock in your mouth.Â
âShit,â Haechan groans, throwing his head back and wrapping his hands in your hair, he doesnât force your face down, leaving total control in your hands, he simply likes to hold on to you somehow.Â
You go for a steady rhythm, not fast but not slow to tease him and waste more time. Youâre dripping and you need him inside you soon. And for your luck, it doesnât take him long to come. After all, you know him and what drives him crazy. So one of your hands fondles his balls while the other wraps around his base, and start working on him while your tongue and cheeks focus on his tip. You also know that he loves hearing you moan around him, and watching your eyelid flatter as you stare up at him, and he never told you but when tears start spilling out of the corner of your eyes, his cock throbs harder.Â
âMhh, fuck, fuck,â he rasps out, followed by chants of your name as his knees wobble and his hips buck up while he comes in your mouth. His eyes roll back when you pull away with a pop sound and then swallow everything without breaking eye contact. âYou drive me insane,â he mutters, running his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply. Â
âFuck me,â you urge, standing up again, his words flying over your head. âPlease.â
Haechan nods, shaking his head to try to shake the post-orgasm haze out of his mind. âCome here,â he hums, pulling you closer, moving his hands on your body to undress you of the pants and underwear before lifting you on the countertop.Â
But thatâs not what you want.Â
âNo,â you huff, squirming in his hold. âFrom behind, please.âÂ
Thatâs not what Haechan wants, when you fuck in that position is because you want it particularly hard and thatâs not what he wants to give to you, not now. Heâs still trapped in that sense of what was different from the night before and heâs not ready to bear with your shift to your old self again. But when he looks into your eyes, he realizes that spell is already far gone, no more tenderness or heartfelt conversation, just sex and greed.Â
But you are still there, and it never happened before, and this is better than nothing, so he gives you what you want.Â
âBend over,â he says, helping you off the kitchen and waiting for you to get in position. He would find the view hot, incredibly hot, your ass pushing back up into him, your wet folds pressing against the tip of his cock, your hips swinging in desperation, and it is hot, but he canât enjoy it fully; if it only wasnât for that small twinge of pain in his heart.Â
âPlease, fuck me,â you beg again when he doesnât push in right away, too lost at staring blankly at your back.
âAre you in a rush? Somewhere to be better than here?â He bites back, itâs a bitter tease, not a sensual one, and his voice trembles, and so do his hands on your hips.Â
âI need you, please,â you grunt, throwing your head down, âplease.âÂ
Haechan swallows the gulp in his throat and pushes into you. Heâs always delicate when he thrusts in the first time, he knows youâre wet and ready to take him but heâs always careful and you wish you didnât find it so attractive, but you do. Nobody ever cared for you that much during sex, well, nobody ever cares for you that much in general.Â
And when he starts moving in and out of you, your heart loses another beat. He fills you up so nicely, you hate to compliment every part of him but fuck, heâs perfect, he fits perfectly and you feel him everywhere, itâs like he was made just for you.
âFuck,â he groans when you clench down on him. âWant it harder, babe?âÂ
âYes, please.âÂ
His hips start snapping against you in a fast rhythm, causing your bones to hit the hard surface of the countertop, but you donât care, you even find the slight pain more exciting.Â
Haechanâs groans fill your ears, as the grip of his hands on you gets incredibly tighter. Itâs rough like you asked but not how youâre used to. You donât dare to turn your neck to get a peek at him but you know his brows are knitted and his eyes are dark. This doesnât feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, itâs like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting.Â
âHaechan,â you call out his name, and only for a second his grip softens, but you donât continue, you donât even know what you want, or if you want something.Â
âWhat?â He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. âIs this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?âÂ
Your eyes squeeze shut as you feel a tear streak down your eyes and you shake your head swiftly, trying to hold onto something. âNo, it is,â you breathe out. âYou are, fuck, you are enough,â you cry, hissing when he slaps your ass.Â
âYeah? Then what do you want? What do I have to do to make you happy?â
âKiss me,â you mumble, pushing your head back, trying to reach for his lips. âPle-please, want you â umh â you all over me.â
And when he leans in, kissing you with eagerness, itâs like the gloomy cloud that was shadowing over you dissolves in the air, his grip turns delicate, and his face relaxes, while his hips slow down until they come to a stop. Haechan doesnât pull away and you donât care youâre almost struggling for air, feeling breathless, gasping against his lips makes you feel alive more than ever.Â
âFuck,â he groans, pulling away with a gasp. He stares at your face for a moment, watching a tear roll down your cheeks, and heâs tempted to wipe it away with a gentle touch of his fingers, but he doesnât give in to temptation. If you werenât in yourself the night before, heâs not in himself right now, and he feels that he might want to see you cry, cry for him.Â
Another guttural sound rolls from his lips when he drifts his gaze away and pushes you flat on the countertop with force, picking up the same rhythm as before, snapping against you so fast that your heart starts racing faster in your chest thatâs raising up and down in a frenetic rhythm.Â
âToo â too much,â you whimper, letting your shoulder relax when you fear you wonât be able to keep your body up much more.Â
Haechan snickers, moving a hand down to knead the flesh of your ass harshly as he leans closer to you. âReally? Thought you asked me to fuck you like this.âÂ
You nod weakly, muscles of your neck sore, and you close your eyes because you feel more tears threatening to spill out, itâs a mix of physical pleasure and mental â emotional â pain you canât deal with.Â
âI wouldâve fucked you differently,â he almost growls next to your ears, and you know heâs mad. âNice and slow, probably wouldâve even eaten you out but you asked for this and Iâm giving you this,â his voice almost breaks and his hips falter, his heart is beating so loud in his ribcage you can feel it against your back. âWant me to stop?â And here he is, as always, no matter the pain you put him through by playing a game of hide and seek inside your true self where he canât grasp anything real, his voice still turns soft, weak, almost shy, as he makes sure this truly is not getting too much for you. Because you hit left and right with your sword and your blinded eyes but he wonât ever hurt you even if heâs clearly the one bleeding.Â
âNo,â you sniffle, opening your eyes to try to glimpse at his, but the position doesnât offer you a great view. âWant you, please. I â I need you, Hyuck, so much.âÂ
He nods quickly and then starts thrusting into you, this time he wonât stop until you come, but he pushes your body up against his because he needs you. He needs your scent to be all over his skin, he needs to remind himself youâre not a dream even if you continuously slip from his fingers, he needs to remind you and himself that heâs the only one that has you like this. He is the best you ever had and thatâs a little consolation.
âFuck, youâre squeezing me,â he whimpers, forehead frowning while sweat starts pearling his skin as he looks at your ass bouncing on him. âGonna come?âÂ
âYe-yes, please,â you beg, and you donât even know why. You donât have to ask for his permission to come but itâs like you want him to end this moment.Â
âHold on just a bit more, Iâm close,â he replies, âwant to come with you.âÂ
You nod mindlessly, letting out louder and whinier moans while your hands desperately search for some kind of contact and your legs shake as your orgasm builds up with more violence inside you.Â
âBe a good girl and come with me,â he orders and you feel one of his hands reach in front of your body until it finds your clit. He groans loudly when your pussy clenches hard around him and your body tenses up while your orgasm washes over, leaving you with your mouth parted but too breathless to let out sounds. Haechanâs not silent, he curses your name and some swear words while his hips keep ramming into you as he pumps his cum in and out of your hole.Â
âShit,â he comments, pulling out of you sooner than you wish he would, leaving you empty and cold.Â
You think heâs behind you, but when you turn around struggling, you see heâs not in the kitchen anymore and you collapse on the floor, legs too weak and trembling to hold you and your heavy heart up.Â
Youâre not sure how many minutes pass while you sit naked on the floor of his kitchen with your hands in your hair wondering where did you go wrong. You just know it feels like an eternity and when you hear footsteps approach, you quickly jump on your feet to cover up and donât let him find you like that. Â
Once you pulled back up your clothes, and heâs back in the room, you donât know what to say, and you donât even feel like staring at him.Â
âYou canâŠâ he starts but then stops and when your eyes lift from the ground, you see heâs turned around, turning on the stoves again.Â
âI can?âÂ
âNothing,â he mutters. âYou know where everything in this house is. Do whatever you want.âÂ
âAre you â are you mad?â You chuckle nervously, shaky fingers fixing your hair behind your ears.Â
He shrugs, shaking his head, âIâm not, I just know you wonât do what I propose, so if you want to eat, take a shower and grab some new clothes, do it. But if you want to leave, itâs fine, too.âÂ
You bite your lips; you know your typical answer would be easy: leave. But right now, it feels like the wrong one. You canât bet on it, but Haechan seems sad, even angry, and the cold wall between you and his back is making you feel guilty for something you donât even know. You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like?Â
âIâll stay for a bitâŠâ you whisper and when he turns around with wide eyes you add, âif itâs fine for you.âÂ
âYeah, I told you, everything you decide itâs fine for me. Want breakfast?âÂ
âYeah,â you say.Â
âAnd maybe new clothes?â He smiles, tilting his head to the side, warm dispersing on his face again.
âYour closet?âÂ
âMy closet.âÂ
The names you start slurring in bed donât belong to Haechan. Honestly, you havenât seen Haechan in over two weeks now. That morning you needed him to prove you something, only to be proven the complete opposite. Things with him werenât going where you planned them to go in the first place.Â
And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser.Â
You think you are stupid and childish, and you hate yourself.Â
But you still donât pick the best solutions. Actually, you donât pick solutions at all, you just fuck things up because youâre not used to them going right.Â
You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friendâs nights out because you canât face him.Â
You feel like you cheated on him. No, there wasnât written or slurred speech anywhere that you two were exclusive but you two were exclusive. Haechan never fucked someone else behind your back, and he also most of the times implied he didnât because, since you two did it raw, he wanted to make sure he was only active with you.Â
And you⊠you crossed a line you shouldnât have crossed.Â
You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied.Â
You should pick up your phone, call him over and explain, youâre still in time to fix this in a way he wonât hate you forever, but you donât.Â
You go to work, come back home, slump on the couch with food and movies, or stay out running until you can barely feel your legs, stand under the shower as if the bill wonât crash you at the end of the month and then go to sleep, or try to, while you fight with your brain and heart and the emotions none of the three of you knows how to cope with, just to do it all over again the next day.Â
Itâs an endless routine where you try to push him out, but it doesnât seem to work.Â
It had always been easy to delete people from your life like this. One cut, one push out of your protected zone, and they were long forgotten.Â
So why is it so hard with him?Â
But you still donât pick up that damn phone, not even when a month passes by and Haechan reaches for you, apologizing.Â
[Monday]
pathetic loser
hey, itâs been a while i just wanted to check if everythingâs alrightÂ
[Wednesday]
pathetic loser
will you be there at johnnyâs dinner at his place?Â
maybe we can talk there?Â
[Friday]
pathetic loser Â
i didnât ask johnny but i guess you wonât be there so i just hope youâre okayÂ
You donât reply, only stare at those texts trying to force yourself to grab the phone and call him because he deserves that more than a dry reply in a text. But you donât know what to say, and youâd probably hope he wonât answer the call, so youâll have an excuse to say youâve tried but he didnât reply. And when you try to come up with something that can explain to him this whole situation and at the same time donât tear you apart, another week passes by.Â
[Thursday]Â
pathetic loser
i wonât bother you again i promiseÂ
i just wanted to apologize if i did something that made you uncomfortable that night/morningÂ
i donât know what it is but itâs fine if you donât want to tell me, after all you donât owe me anythingÂ
it was just sex anyway so itâs fineÂ
i will stop hanging around with johnny when i know he plans with all of us so you donât have to avoid him tooÂ
he misses you, please donât let some sex come between your friendshipÂ
anyway back to us, i know i sound like a loser but i had fun and i hope you donât regret this totally, sorry if i messed something up i didnât do it on purposeÂ
iâve written too much so yeah hope youâre fine, have a great life (you can block me if you want to, if you didnât already)Â
You donât reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you canât breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery.Â
It was supposed to be just silly, superficial, and fun sex, how did it turn into this?Â
Haechan didnât mean to mess something up.Â
But Haechan doesnât know that the only thing he messed up with is your heart.Â
It takes you a while, but you get over him and get back to your daily life, the real one. No more depressing couch-sitting-eating sessions or extremely exhausting workouts to burn your brain down, no more avoiding social life and crying yourself to sleep.Â
Johnny didnât understand what happened, he felt like there was something going on between you and Haechan, but you never told him anything and you wouldnât keep that a secret to yourself, right? Not from him at least. But even if he didnât know the reasoning he gently, and friendly, dragged you out of the house without asking many questions, he just wanted you back.Â
And you were back, a bit less chatty and loud, with a lightly dimmed glow in your eyes, and with a tongue that stopped flirting with every breathing being, but you were there.Â
Haechan had disappeared, he was true to his promise, and you never saw him in the mixed-groups group hangouts, so moving on from him had been easier.Â
You donât hear his laugh anymore, you donât laugh at his jokes, you canât feel his hand secretly and gently rest on your thighs under the table, he canât rest his head on your shoulder when the alcohol kicks in and he is too wasted, you donât have someone to dance with or run away back home when your social battery dies.Â
You donât have him.Â
And it sucks.Â
But you try not to show it. You are trying to move on, and even if you hate how tortuous it feels this time and how you still look for his dumb-looking, slap-attracting, handsome, kissable face, you are trying.Â
You are also failing.Â
When the seventh drink of the night reaches your stomach, youâre not even sure youâd be able to answer if someone asked whatâs your name. And you hate that a name is still loud and clear, ringing in your mind like a permanent reminder that maybe, just maybe, you are not getting over him.Â
So, you drag your legs up and feel your head turn, everything is spinning but you need to find someone that will drown him out. You canât keep going on like this.Â
âHi,â you mumble when you reach the bar and sit clumsily on the stool.Â
âOh, hi, babe. Look what we have here,â the man replies, studying you.Â
âWanna fuck?âÂ
âOh, you go straight to the point, and I wouldnât say no if only you didnât look completely out of yourself.â
âIâm not,â you reply, shaking your head â terrible idea, everything spins faster, and you have to squeeze your eyes to find balance again. âI just had a few drinks.âÂ
âA few?âÂ
âYeah. I can take you home,â you wink, caressing his arm with two fingers and the stranger chuckles before shaking his head. Â
âI think we need to find somebody that knows you to take you home. Are you alone?âÂ
You shake your head. âYou could take me home. Iâm good, I give amaaazing blowjobs.â
âI donât want to doubt your abilities, but youâre drunk,â he says, starting to look around, hoping to be lucky enough to make eye contact with someone you may know.Â
âCome on, I need this. Is it because you think you canât take me?â You still insist, pressing your finger on his chest in an accusative tone.Â
He snorts, âI can take you, but sober. Hey,â he calls someone, waving his hand and at the same time trying to keep your body up with his other one.Â
âWhat the fuck are you doing here?â Johnnyâs voice is clear and too loud, especially when he groans your name angrily after you try to avoid him.Â
âDo you know him?âÂ
âHeâs my bestie,â you say, rolling your eyes. âMy bad, bad bestie. He made me meet someone that broke my heart, donât let me go with him, pleaseee.â
âMan, she needs aspirin and a bed.âÂ
Johnny nods, grabbing your arm and pulling you from the sit, âYeah, I can see. Thank you for not taking advance of her.âÂ
âShould be the norm,â he smiles. âTake care. And maybe talk with whoever broke your heart.âÂ
âNo,â you reply angrily, crossing your arms on your chest. âIâm mad at you,â you say to Johnny, trying to walk away from him but you need his support to donât wiggle around like jelly. âYou first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because Iâm not sober to you and him and why I canât have nice things?âÂ
Johnny stares at you as if youâre crazy; he had seen you drunk but never like this, so miserable, and the fact he has not even a faint idea of how and why you are like this, doesnât sit right with him. âWhy donât we sit in a corner and talk?âÂ
âI donât want to. I want Haechan,â you slur out, collapsing on the sit and resting your head on his chest, but the music is loud and Johnnyâs not sure he heard right.Â
âYou want who?âÂ
âHaehan,â you mumble against his shirt.Â
âOkay, I donât know who or what you want but we need to go home, come on. Please, drag your feet to the car, Iâll carry you inside your place but please, letâs just make it to the car.â
Johnny has to carry you to the car in his arms because you are a boneless mess and he doesnât want to end the night at the hospital because you broke your ankles on those damn heels; mental reminder to gift you heels you can easily walk on even when you have more alcohol than blood running in your veins.Â
The drive back home is a blur in your brain, youâre sure youâre not sleeping, but your head is spinning and at some point, you start shedding some tears and mumble chants of a name, Johnny supposes, but he canât get it right. Your voice is low and groggy, and sobs come through every whimper that escapes your lips.Â
âMy place or yours?â He asks, hoping you can give him an answer, but you answer other doubts instead.Â
âHyuck,â you whisper, and Johnny finally has all the puzzle pieces to put together.Â
When you wake up in the morning with a throbbing headache and your stomach turned upside down, the last thing you want to deal with is your best friendsâ stares and glances he throws at you as if he knows something you donât know he knows.Â
You donât ask him any questions right away, your brain is too far gone to deal with it, but after another aspirin and a coffee, you feel like youâre ready to face him. Except youâre not quite ready for whatâs to come.Â
âWhy are you looking at me like that?â You ask, rubbing your temples while you rest your elbows on his kitchen table.Â
âHaechan,â he replies with a smirk on his face as if he finally got you right where he wanted you, cornered. And well, you feel like you are, and maybe you shouldâve waited a bit longer cause your acting skills are not at their best right now, but you take another sip from your cup, shrug, and then reply nonchalantly.Â
âWhat about him?â
Johnnyâs eyes roll back as he huffs loudly. âDo we really have to do this?â
âDo what? You bring him up out of nowhere,â you say, but the calmness of your voice is being betrayed by the nervous bouncing of your leg and Johnny gets it immediately, and thatâs when he shoots his arrow.Â
âYou love him.âÂ
âWhat?â You almost spit the coffee out while you stare at your best friend with wide eyes, hoping to see a reaction, hoping that this disgusted him to the point he will get up and focus on cleaning the table and insult you instead of twisting the knife in the wound thatâs called âme and Haechan.â But heâs impassive, and itâs written all over his face that heâs not buying it, or anyway, he wants to dig deep into all the secrets you kept from him.Â
âYou love him,â he repeats, and those words coming out so slowly from his mouth make shivers run down your spine.Â
âI donât,â you reply sternly, getting up to clean the spilled coffee and keep yourself busy. Â
âYou do. You slurred his name all the way back home and I thought I was crazy until you said Hyuck and hell no, thatâs him.â Johnny reaches you and now you also feel physically cornered by his big body â why the hell is he so big? â and physically disgusted because you did what? And why couldnât he leave you in somebody else home? Slurring his name to a stranger wouldnât have been as embarrassing as what you did.Â
âSo? Are you going to answer? Or keep denying?â He presses you again, and before he can scold you as he usually does with an annoyed call of your name in a stern tone, you snap.Â
âWe used to fuck, okay?â
âYou did what?â Johnny almost screams at your face, and you push him back to walk to the living room.Â
âDonât be surprised, you literally set us up.âÂ
âWhy the hell didnât you tell me? What happened to our friendship and our rules.â Johnnyâs voice cracks as he tries to accept that you, his best friend, sister of another mother, and partner in crimes, really kept all of this behind him. Â
âOh, screw rules, all those fucking rules I never know how to respect,â you huff, falling on the couch and holding your head in your hands. And Johnny has to rub his temples because all of this is insane and surreal to his ears. Â
âYou donât know how to respect them? You. Miss little rules?â
âShut up.âÂ
âWait⊠your rules about sex? Are you talking about all that crap you believe wonât make you catch feelings?âÂ
âIt never made me catch feelings. It always worked. Clear boundaries, good sex, and everybody on their way.âÂ
Johnny smirks, kneeling in front of you so you canât avoid his gaze anymore. âYou broke them.âÂ
âI didnât,â you mutter, and you want to slap his face because why is he having so much fun seeing your breakdown?
âYou did. You just told me; you got mad when I mentioned them, and you wouldnât get mad unless something didnât go as you planned.âÂ
âNothing happened,â you retort, leg bouncing progressively faster as you feel your heart race and your body burn. Â
âNo, you broke them.â
âI didnât.âÂ
âYou fell in love with him.âÂ
âDonât,â you stop him with a glare that doesnât scare away the smirk on his face. Instead, the look in your eyes, the way your lips are twitching, and your continuous nervous movements are everything Johnny needs to let him know heâs right.Â
âYou fell in love with Haechan.âÂ
You almost scream when those words roll from his lips, you hate hearing that thought, that fear that has been lingering in your brain every night for a month now. âShut up, donât make things up. I broke the rules of not telling you we fucked.âÂ
âOh, no, girl, I know you. Youâre fidgeting with your fingers, and your voice is shaking, youâre straight-up lying and you can sell that bullshit to anybody else but not me, so spill the fuck you have to spill or else weâre going to have a long day.âÂ
âThereâs nothing to know. We started fucking, and then stopped, but Iâm in my unlucky month and I donât find anybody thatâs good enough to satisfy me. And thatâs why Iâm breaking rules, I like to have fun, but I donât like to try so many people and fuck with every person I see, you know I hate it.âÂ
âThen why are you doing it? Your toys are not enough anymore?âÂ
âYeah, Iâll stick to them,â you cut it short, trying to avoid his eyes because you know you will fall. Johnny has this power of dragging things out of your mouth, youâre lucky he didnât get the tiniest hint of what was going on between you and Haechan or he wouldâve made you face some painful truths a long time ago.Â
âIf it was so good, why did you stop?âÂ
You shrug. Fuck.Â
âThatâs not an answer.âÂ
âI donât know, he wanted to see new people and we just stopped.âÂ
âReally?â Johnny asks with a teasing edge to his voice, clearly mocking you. âHeâs not seeing anybody.âÂ
âMaybe he didnât tell you. You didnât know about us, and we were both friends with you, so. Or maybe he didnât find another one, just like me.âÂ
âHe seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.âÂ
Now itâs your time to be shocked. He asks about you? He doesnât hate you after the way you treated him? Youâre still in his mind? No, why would any of this matter? Why do you care? It doesnât matter. âWhat?â Well, it shouldnât matter.Â
âIf everything was alright or if something happened to you.âÂ
âJust checking on people is normal.â You shake it off with a nod and raise of shoulders, but something inside you is burning. Itâs that flame you think you put out and yet found a way to spark up every time you donât think about it.Â
âNot asking if something happened,â he says before walking around and studying you. You are avoiding his gaze and are a raging ball of nervousness, you werenât even like this with your ex-boyfriend, let alone with your few hook-ups. And then something else clicks in his brain. âDid you cut him off without a word?â And when you donât answer, and he calls out your name with urgency, you canât lie anymore.Â
âMaybe,â you reply with a loud groan, your head falling backwards with force, hitting the backrest so hard you hurt yourself even if thereâs the cushion dividing you from the hard surface. âMaybe I did.â Â
âWhy?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
âYou donât know?â He shouts, throwing his hands over his head.
âJohnny, please, I donât need a lecture right now, okay? I know I was rude, and an asshole.âÂ
âNo, youâre in love, itâs different.âÂ
âNo, Iâm not.âÂ
âWhy are you lying? You never called your ex-boyfriendâs name while you were wasted, you never broke any of your rules for him, it took you nothing to move on, and the only reason you got back was because you wanted revenge and because you needed to fill your life with something. You never cared for him nearly as half of what you care for Haechan, so why lie, and why lie to me?âÂ
âI donât want to,â you sniffle, suddenly feeling your brain spin again while your nails sink into the fabric of the pants Johnny gave you.
âTalk to me?âÂ
âNo, to love him.âÂ
There it is; the loud confession. That confession you didnât even do to yourself alone in the darkness of your room. Itâs still bouncing against the walls of Johnnyâs place in plain sight under the bright daylight and it pierces your ears and your heart.Â
Fuck. Youâre screwed.Â
Your eyes lock with Johnnyâs and your brain would like to lie and mumble some nonsense but your heart canât keep bleeding without being taken care of anymore. So, hot salt starts streaming down your face silently and your head faces the ground while two strong arms wrap around you.Â
Youâre screwed.Â
When youâve cried all your tears in Johnnyâs arms, and you feel like you can try to put it down to words you do it. Maybe with Johnny by your side, it will be easier.Â
âI donât know what the hell he did to me.âÂ
âThatâs a nice start.âÂ
âIâm not saying I didnât consider the possibility of this going down a different path and starting to allow feelings in butâŠÂ like this? Iâve never felt like this before, not even when I fell first, and Iâm not even sure Iâve ever loved somebody before if this is how itâs supposed to feel.âÂ
âThen why donât just let yourself go for once? You donât have to always have everything under control.âÂ
âBut Iâm scared. I hated seeing him with someone that wasnât me. The mere idea of him being with somebody else now makes me sick. This is scary.âÂ
âLove can be scary at times, but thatâs what it is.âÂ
You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. âBut what if itâs wrong? What if⊠God, Iâm doing all this and Iâm not even sure he likes me back.âÂ
âWell, if itâs right, you know, right?âÂ
You shrug, you thought it was right so many times before, and then it never was but this felt different, everything about Haechan hits different, it truly was like an arrow straight to your heart purposefully made to hit you straight to the core and cut you deep.Â
Johnny sighs, you already talked too much today and faced the truth, he knows he canât push you any further.Â
âIâm not saying you have to take him back but⊠sometimes you can take the good things life gives you without tearing them into pieces. It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.â
Going back to the coast feels like torture, especially when both you and Haechan forgot to ask Johnny if the other was there and found out only when you hopped out of the cars and locked eyes after months.Â
No, you didnât pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die.Â
But when your eyes jump into his again, and cheesily, it feels like the time had stopped, youâre not so sure whatever was, or is, going on, is destined to die.
Itâs awkward when you donât know if you should greet him or not, but luckily in the mess of everyone greeting each other, you lose him in the âcrowdâ of friends. Fortunately, most of them found somebody to bring along so there are double of people than the last time. Unfortunately, that leads you and Haechan to the same room of this summer. Of course, nobody knows, and youâre not quick enough to retort when Mark decides like this after sorting everybody else in other rooms, and Johnnyâs not there to save your ass â probably he wouldnât.Â
The tension can be cut with a knife and you feel like your head is exploding while you two make your way to the room and then start to put your things in place.Â
âI can sleep on the couch,â Haechan says, breaking the suffocating silence.Â
âNo, itâs fine,â you almost choke on your words, unprepared, non-expecting he would talk to you first, âwe did worse things together,â you chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood but you only get a forced snicker back before he turns around and gives you his back again. You know that wasnât the smartest answer you could give, but you donât know how to ease the tension and the heavy weight of guilt in the pit of your stomach.Â
You want to talk, that should be the right moment to do it, to apologize, at least. But youâre tongue-tied.Â
âIs there even something to do here during winter?â He speaks, still giving you his back, and it takes you a while to understand heâs addressing you.Â
âUhm, yes,â you reply. âThe city is nice, and there are mountains just forty minutes away from here so⊠usually with our families we used to ski.âÂ
âGreat,â Haechan hums, standing up, brushing his hands on his pants to flatten the creases of the fabric, ânever done it before. Guess Iâll take a look around town. Last time I didnât get to visit it,â he smiles before walking out and you feel the ground collapse under your feet.Â
You wonât survive three days like this.Â
You hated spending time in that house during winter when you were a child, the sun didnât shine bright enough, the sand was wet and sticky, and you didnât know how to ski, also you never got why your family spent so much money on that sport when they clearly werenât as rich as Johnnyâs parents, and no one of you was good enough for it to even be fun.Â
Now nothing changed, the cloudy weather over the sea is depressing, and watching your friends have fun is not making you feel any better, you still donât know how to ski, and you have a lump in your throat as your brain runs faster than you, screaming how you put yourself in this situation.Â
The tea in your hand is not hot enough, you wasted too much time stealing glimpses at Haechan and his new crush to drink it when Johnny served it to everybody after all of you came back from the â for you terrible â ski session this afternoon. You didnât do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You shouldâve stayed at home, it wouldâve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung â apparently, that was her name â laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now itâs not going better, sheâs sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them.Â
You never had that with him, and the jealousy mixes with bitterness, until you realize that the arrangement you had didnât include any of that. So why did you want it so much? Why do you want to be her so badly right now?Â
You sigh, running a finger on the mug in front of you, staring at the brownish liquid as if by magic youâre going to see your future in it, but you think itâs better like this, youâre pretty sure the picture would be a tragedy anyway.Â
When the talks get irritating, you decide to go back to your room, not even saying anything, youâre not sure about what they want to do, it was in the air to eat at a place downtown but you didnât pay their talks much attention. You decide to go for a shower with the hope it will relax you and wash away some heaviness, but nothing much changes once youâre out and dressed up in clean clothes. It only gets worse when you open your room, and Haechan is there, laying on the bed with a hand behind his head and his phone in the other.Â
You pass in front of him, not saying a word, silently putting back in your purse your shampoo and conditioner, and other things you carried with you. He doesnât talk either. It has been like this the whole day, barely acknowledging each other and now itâs getting too heavy. You owe him an apology, not to make things get back in place, they never will, but because he didnât deserve it.Â
âIâm sorry I pushed you away,â you say, turning around, âIâm sorry I avoided you.âÂ
Haechan lifts his head, a small frown connecting his brows for a while, almost as if heâs trying to get what youâre referring to, and when he does, the muscles of his face relax. âItâs fine.âÂ
âNo, itâs not. I didnât want to⊠to leave you like this.âÂ
âIt doesnât matter, you had all the right to stop it,â he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you donât hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. âI donât cry for sex.âÂ
You hum, but you study his face to understand if heâs serious. Was it just sex for him? Were you just sex for him?Â
âIâŠâ you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and youâre playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. âI have to tell you something.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âI⊠I loââÂ
âHaechannie!â Wonyoungâs voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. âWe are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, weâll have dinner together.â You shouldnât find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way sheâs looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right?Â
âYeah, Iâd love to. Be there in a minute.âÂ
âAh! Youâre the best, baby,â she cheers, running to leave a kiss on his cheeks and then walking out.Â
âYou were saying?â He asks, turning his attention on you, shaking his hair out of his forehead.Â
You shake your head, gulping. âNothing,â you smile, itâs forced and fake, and if heâd look closely, heâd see a tear at the corner of your eyes, but he doesnât. Heâs looking at you with his head slightly tilted in mild concern, but you know itâs just for niceties.Â
âIt seemed serious, though?âÂ
âIt was just another apology you donât want,â you breathe out in a bitter chuckle, rubbing your hands on your thighs while your gaze meets the floor. âI lost track of myself during the time we drifted apart, Iâm sorry it⊠it fired back to you.âÂ
âOh,â he says, âitâs fine, seriously. I just care that youâre fine. You are fine, right?âÂ
You hold back a sob and smile, feeling tears at the corner of your eyes. âNever been better.âÂ
âGood,â he smiles. âYou coming?âÂ
âNo, Iâm tired, Iâll go to bed like a child that has school tomorrow at 8.âÂ
Haechan laughs and then grabs his jacket. ââKay, donât take all the bed. You still have that bad habit, donât you?âÂ
You chuckle, giving him an apologetic look, âI have a bed too big for me only, Iâm not used to sharing.âÂ
He nods and then opens the door. âLeave a small patch for me, and donât have too much fun all alone,â he winks.Â
You smile and then wave him goodbye.Â
If crying yourself to sleep was fun, you were about to have the funniest night of your life.
âBeen a while, isnât it?âÂ
The last thing you expect to find in the morning is Haechanâs face looking down at you with a teasing smirk while you rest too close to his chest.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say, sitting up in the blink of an eye, trying to rub the sleep off your face and scoot away from him.Â
Haechan scoffs under his breath, painting that bitterness with irony, âItâs nice to know you didnât change.âÂ
You chuckle awkwardly and then jump off the bed.Â
âNo, definitely didnât change,â he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldnât do it months ago, he doesnât see how he can do it now. After all, youâve never been his. This isnât different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. Youâre up, putting your hair in a ponytail, rushing to the bathroom to wash up, and he knows you wonât even come back into the room, but run downstairs to have breakfast.Â
You are long gone and he doesnât even know how and why he lost you. Maybe itâs better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on.Â
But moving on from you seems something impossible to do.Â
From that moment on, you two decide you can go back to at least be friends and hang out in the same group again. Itâs not exactly like before, but itâs better than silence and distance.Â
Or maybe not.Â
You canât stand that Haechan doesnât sit next to you anymore, heâs always on the other side with Wonyoung, and you canât bet on it, but you fear that his hand is now resting on her thigh and you hate it.Â
You donât show it, not with words, but your body is a neon sign flashing that you donât want to be there, especially when everyone leaves to take on the dance floor and youâre left with your thoughts.Â
âWhy are you always alone?â Mark asks. âDonât get me wrong, I love Minjeong, but I can still see youâre beautiful and hot, why are you the only single one?âÂ
âThe only one?â Thatâs the only thing your brain registers, making you stare at him with eyes too wide to make it pass like a normal reaction.Â
âWell, it seems that even Hyuck found someone that can stand his annoying ass,â he jokes, pointing at him and Wonyoung.Â
âOh, I didnât get they were official,â you whisper, your lips quiver, making it look like a smile but itâs pure sadness.Â
âSo it seems, heâs quite private over this.âÂ
You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldnât hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does.Â
âWhat about you?âÂ
You shrug, rubbing your arms. âIâm the problem, thatâs why Iâm single.âÂ
Mark chuckles tenderly, sitting next to you. âSo, youâre heartbroken.âÂ
âMaybe.âÂ
âWas it serious?âÂ
ᅵᅵIt wasnât even started.âÂ
âOh, well, isnât that better? Maybe it wasnât even love,â he attempts to lift you up, trying to see it from another perspective. âA lot of times what we tend to consider love is not it. Itâs just a lie, something else dressed up as a feeling that is not that deep.âÂ
Yeah, you wish it was it.Â
âYeah, surely,â you reply, by now there are no emotions in your voice. âI donât care, I moved on. I just hate sitting here while looking miserable.âÂ
âWhy donât you go talk to someone? I think that girl at the bar is looking at you?âÂ
âMaybe,â you whisper, not even caring to follow his finger to see the girl that is, in fact, looking at you. âSorry, I need to go to the bathroom before hitting on people I donât know,â you joke, smiling at him and letting a laugh follow.Â
Mark copies you before his hand touches your arm and pats it gently. âIt will be fine.âÂ
You nod before pulling your lips into another forced smile. You hope so.Â
You donât walk toward the bar, your want to even find someone that can take you home is nowhere to be found, and you sit in a corner to stare at Haechan from afar. He canât be in love with her, right? But then again, why shouldnât he?Â
That torture lasts for a while, and when you think you paid the price for your sin, you grab your things and exit. Sure, you intend to go inside again, Johnny dropped you there, but not now. You need to cool off, and shut your brain. You donât know how, your method was Haechan but now he is the reason why your mind keeps running a thousand miles per hour.Â
Youâll find a way, you always did.Â
âYou shouldnât do that,â Haechan says, leaning next to you against the wall.Â
A grin curls your lips, and you partly open your eyes to make sure heâs real and not made up by your mind. He is very much real, with his denim jacket that doesnât keep him any warm and his â now black â hair falling on his face, while his eyes look at you with too much concern. âI tend to self-sabotage a lot,â you whisper, huffing out the air, âyou should know it.âÂ
âYeah, not like this.âÂ
âHey, I was smoking it!â You scream when he slaps your hand, not hard to hurt you, but hard enough to make the cigarette fall to the ground.Â
âSince when?âÂ
You roll your eyes, watching the cig on the floor becoming completely useless now that heâs stepping on it, and then you shrug, âI donât smoke, some guy offered it to me, and I wanted to see if it has any kick.â
âWhy?âÂ
âWhy do you care? Iâm not your problem.â Your eyes are not on him, staring straight into the night that falls upon the road in front of you, but you can feel his stare burning into your skin. Also, heâs close, and youâre not used to having him this close anymore.Â
He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesnât faze him. âYou said you were doing fine; it doesnât look like it.âÂ
âIâm just tired, I want to go home, thatâs it.âÂ
âYou barely talked, danced, or did anything the whole night,â he points out, rubbing his chin and raising a brow.
âOh, so you donât only have eyes for your girlfriend,â you spit out before you can realize it.Â
âGirlfriend?â He tilts his head, and his lips twitch into a barely visible smirk.
âYeah, the fake blonde.âÂ
Haechan laughs, âJealous, babe?âÂ
âNo. And donât call me babe. Iâm not your problem and Iâm not your babe.âÂ
âSheâs not my girlfriend,â he says resolutely.Â
âOh, well, âcause sheâs all over your dick so it looked like.âÂ
Another laugh rolls from his lips, this time louder and without a nervous grin hidden behind. âYou are jealous.âÂ
âIâm not,â you retort, frowning.
âYou were the one all over my dick, and you decided to stop that.âÂ
âI wasnât like that. I was on your dick, having the best orgasms of my life, but I never humiliated myself in front of you doing silly voices, calling you Haechannieee, or touching you as if you were about to be kidnapped by the aliens and I wouldnât have had the chance to see you ever again, or looked at you with those eyes that could â well, you get the picture.âÂ
âOh, I do. You are so fucking jealous and itâs kinda turning me on, I have to admit,â he teases you with a smug smirk on his face. Â
âShut up, asshole,â you smack his arm. âGo back to her.âÂ
âNah, the aliens are kidnapping me, I guess sheâll have to spend the rest of the night alone.âÂ
You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there.Â
âCome on, Iâm hungry,â he urges, pushing you with more force.Â
âWhat are you doing?â You ask, gesturing nervously with your hands and looking back at the club that was disappearing behind you.Â
âTaking you to our favourite hamburger place, I could eat you right now for how starved I am.âÂ
âI wouldnât complain,â you wink shamelessly. Â
âNot like that,â he says. âIâm not sure you deserve it after the way you behaved.âÂ
You huff but follow him, keeping up with his fast steps, until you reach his car and jump inside. Itâs been a while since youâve been there, and when you stop and think about what happened in the backseats your body heats up, but you try not to think about that, and instead turn on the heater and the music how you like. Haechan only laughs lowly, and you know he doesnât mind, after all these months he knows you can pass as bossy sometimes, and like things in a certain way, so he lets you.Â
âI told you Iâm sorry and you said it was fine,â you retort, not letting his remark of before go unnoticed.Â
âYou just donât read me, do you? Like, fuck, you are hard to read but Iâm an open book and you truly think that shit didnât hurt?âÂ
âI think it hurt you thatâs why I felt like shit, and thatâs why with each passing day I couldnât bring myself to talk to you. I get scared when things go well, and itâs not right, itâs not healthy, and I know I hurt you, but Iâm sorry, I truly am. You can ask Johnny, he knows it.âÂ
âYeah, I know he knows.âÂ
âYou know he knows?â You scream. It is always Johnnyâs fault.
âI know he knows,â he replies with too much calm for your liking. âHe had to spill something when I thought you hated me, and I couldnât sleep thinking about what I couldâve done wrong. He told me you didnât hate me, that you are dumb and donât know how to deal with anything in your life that doesnât follow exactly the path you traced, and I thought âoh yeah, seems fitting of her, not surprisedâ and moved on⊠well, tried to.âÂ
âOh,â you gasp.Â
âOh?â He snorts, shaking his head. âAll you can say?âÂ
âDo you want me to spend the whole ride saying Iâm an asshole?âÂ
Haechan laughs, âIt would be entertaining but I will save you from humiliation.âÂ
âThanks,â you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because youâre back with him by your side.Â
When you arrive at what used to be your place, you sit at your table while he orders your usual. For him, a double cheeseburger and for you, the big friesâ portion with a sauce that only that place makes â that you wouldâve shared with him but only if he begged well enough.Â
âI missed this,â he whispers after a few minutes when youâre both halfway through your order. Â
âThe burger? Yeah, I missed this sauce, God, I will find someone that sells this.âÂ
âI missed this, dumbass,â he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. Itâs like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still donât know what causes it, but you love it.
âOh, I⊠I missed this too,â you mumble, diverting the gaze and cleaning your mouth with the napkin to keep yourself busy.
âWow, wow, wow, wait, you? Getting a tiny, little, small, fainty, invisible bit sentimental?âÂ
âStupid! You make me look like a heartless bitch.âÂ
Haechan raises his brows and cocks his head to the side.
âDonât look at me with that face. You know Iâm not.âÂ
âYou are.âÂ
âI broke my rules for you!â You confess in the heat of the moment, raising your voice, the last words coming out in a squeak.Â
Oh, shit.
Haechan is confused and you donât know how to save yourself.Â
âRules?â He asks with a frown as he stops midway with his hamburger in hand.Â
âItâs nothing,â you shrug, grabbing the cola and bringing it to your lips.
He swallows, shaking his head to try to understand if he got it right. âYou had rules?âÂ
âI didnât.â You try to focus on the fries now, but even the window looks tempting, itâs near and you could easily escape from there and ghost him agaiâ
âSo, maybe you are not a cold, heartless, emotionless, impenetrable, untouchable, person after all?âÂ
You sigh, rubbing your neck, and giving up the escape plan. Like the old times, you can give him what he wants without actually giving him what he wants, right? Just a small peek into yourself and then heâs out. âI let you sleep in my bed, only three people had the honour, Johnny, unfortunately my ex, and you.âÂ
Haechanâs lips curl up and his nose twitches. âYou are the sweetest person for breaking your rule.âÂ
âThatâs not a rule,â you lie but this time he falls for it.
âThen what were the rules?âÂ
âJust eat, and then letâs go home. Youâre so curious for no reason.âÂ
âYeah, you shared too much tonight, would never want to stress you,â he jokes before stealing one of your fries and send you a flying kiss.Â
âThanks for the food,â you say when you both reach the door of your apartment. He usually wouldnât come out of the car to walk you to the door of the complex, and even less he would reach the apartment door. But you didnât stop him when he followed you in the elevator, you didnât even flinch, almost as if that was how it was supposed to be.Â
âNothing,â he smiles. âIt was fun, talking and you know, just us, like the old times.âÂ
You chuckle tenderly, nodding while trying to find the courage to ask one more thing, âWant to come in?âÂ
âI donât have a toothbrush at your place,â he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place.Â
âI should have a new one in the cabinet.âÂ
Things go back to normal after that. Youâre not sure itâs healthy, considering you didnât confess your feelings, arenât sure he feels the same, he had to be honest with Wonyoung without making any names because you two still want this to be private, and the only confrontations you had on your detachment were those two talks. But itâs fine.Â
The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose.Â
But you didnât. Some fears still linger inside of you and sometimes are stronger than others times.Â
âFuck,â you mumble, âdo you really have to push me against the metal bar?âÂ
âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry,â Haechan laughs, pulling away from the kiss.Â
âDonât laugh! This furniture is a menace to society, you need to find something else to put in your entrance,â you say, rubbing your back.Â
âIf you werenât horny like a bunny and waited at least to the couch to jump on me, I wouldnât push you against it,â he says, wrapping his arms around you and starting to walk into the leaving room.Â
âI canât stand you,â you whisper through the kiss, struggling to get him out of his clothes, but after a while, almost everything is scattered on the floor of his living room and you two are rushing to his bedroom.Â
âIs it softer for my princess?â He teases when he pushes you down on the mattress and hovers over you.Â
You roll your eyes but still hum. âI have the back of an 80-year-old, you need to respect that.âÂ
âDoesnât look like it when I fuck you all night,â he laughs.Â
âShould we test it?â Youâre done playing around. After a dinner out, and an hour driving around town, because you wanted to see the city lights, you needed him. The flirts were unbearable and also it had been the longest week of your life.Â
And Haechan doesnât make you repeat it twice, his hands reach your panties and slip between your legs, meeting the wetness thatâs collected there. He doesnât even bother to pull your underwear down, he pushes two fingers into your welcoming warm entrance and starts pumping in and out right away.Â
âFuck,â he breathes out, staring in awe between your legs, âyou take me so fucking well. Missed my fingers? Thatâs why you sent those photos the other day, âcause yours arenât enough anymore and you were hoping I wouldâve rushed here to fuck you.âÂ
You curse, âDonât act as if you didnât start it.âÂ
He scoffs, âIt was just a hand pic, needed to know your opinion about the new watch and rings.âÂ
âAnd the thighs picture?â You try to sound menacing, but his fingers are making your voice tremble, and picturing those images in your mind doesnât help you either.Â
âLiked the new grey shorts? Theyâre pretty, right?âÂ
âFuck off, Haechan,â you gasp, and he laughs deeply.Â
âItâs so easy to mess with you,â he coos, leaning in to leave a peck on your lips. âWas the jacking off video enough to make it up for the teasing?âÂ
âNo,â you cry out. He couldnât play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside, everywhere. Â
âIs this enough?âÂ
âYes,â you moan, opening your eyes to meet his. âJust â fuck â go faster, please.âÂ
His lips curl upward while his two fingers start moving at a faster speed, you almost come on the spot when he presses a hand on top of your stomach and moves his thumb in circles on your clit. Your whimpered âtoo muchâ gets shut down when his lips fall on yours and start kissing you. You feel lightweight, entire body reacting to his touches and kisses, playing you like a violin. His mouth is delicate and addictive and you find yourself thinking nobody ever kissed you like that. You canât put a name on whatever âthatâ is, but you love it.Â
âWhy are you kissing me like that?âÂ
âLike what?â He whispers, huffing air against your wet lips and staring straight into your eyes.Â
Like you mean it.Â
âNothing, just ââ your lips meet his again while your fingers tangle in his hair and his free hand runs on your smaller back, pushing you flat against him. âFuck.â You feel his digits deeper and your brain starts spinning faster while your boobs rise fast trapped in the lingerie that is still on your body.Â
âHyuck,â you cry out, reaching his wrist to slow his movement since you feel too sensitive.Â
âIâm not stopping, babe. Youâve been thinking about this for days.âÂ
âI â I know but ââ
He shushes you again with kisses while he moves your hips so he can hit exactly where he wants, making you scream out when his fingertips start slamming quickly against your sweet spot. You are breathless and you feel your stomach tighten while your legs spread to give him space to give you everything.Â
âCome for me, come on,â he encourages, pressing delicate kisses on your rising chest and whispering praises.Â
Your scream pierces the bedroom of his apartment when one twist of his wrist makes your high explode. Your nails dig deep into his arm in response as the sensations feel overwhelming when he doesnât stop right away, making sure heâs getting every last drop out of you.Â
âHyu-hyuck, enough â enough, please,â you snarl, hips bucking up in erratic motions that make him smirk proudly.Â
âI have a surprise for you,â he says before licking his fingers clean after he pulled out of you reluctantly. He loved making you come with his fingers only, watching them move past your pussy, while your cum coated them and dripped down his wrist and your ass, he loved how he could be all over you.Â
You donât reply but you feel itâs something to be afraid of since heâs looking at you with a devilish grin on his face.Â
âWanna see it?â He smirks, jumping off the bed and shoving his boxers down, finally giving you a sight of his hard throbbing dick.Â
You hum lowly in reply, forcing your eyes up from between his thighs and following him with your gaze as he walks to the closet and roams through something before he comes back to you with one hand behind his back.Â
âYouâre scaring me,â you breathe out.Â
âIâm sure youâll love it.âÂ
Your mouth opens in surprise when he pulls out a small wand vibrator. Itâs not the first time you use a toy, though you never had a vibrator of that kind, youâre just worried about what he wants to do with that.Â
âYou wonât edge me, right?âÂ
âWhy not?â He asks, starting to jerk his hard cock, collecting pre-cum and making it fall on your lower stomach. âYou look so pretty when no coherent words come out of your mouth and your eyes are empty⊠well, filled with lust and me, but empty of anything else.âÂ
You groan, about to lift your torso but he pushes you back right away. âDonât move,â he orders sternly, caressing your inner thigh as he slowly drags your panties down, leaving you bare, and then pulls you closer. His cock brushes over your pussy, but thatâs not where you need him.Â
Haechan laughs, seeing the desperation in your eyes, finding it funny youâre truly thinking he wonât fuck you. âHoney, I need this pussy just as much as you need my cock, I wonât disappoint you,â he groans and then drives his hips back to align himself to your gaping entrance.Â
âWhy do you always make me wait,â you cry out.Â
âBecause it wouldnât be funny otherwise,â he clicks his tongue, wrapping a hand on the base of his dick and then smearing your wetness everywhere on your pussy, but he doesnât slip in. âShould we try this new toy before?âÂ
You huff loudly, rolling your head back and the laugh that resonates through his ribcage makes you want to slap him but youâre left breathless once again when the vibrator starts buzzing right against your clit.Â
âShit,â you curse, fingers gripping the sheets tightly and toes curling. âHaechan.âÂ
âYeah, thatâs my name,â he taunts, playing with the different speeds and you know thatâs not the first time he had the toy in hand, he doesnât need to try it, he just wants to drive you insane, keeping you on the edge as the rhythm keeps changing and the fat tip of his cock is still pressing halfway into your cunt.Â
âPlease,â you beg, opening your closed eyes and struggling to even breathe out that single word as he keeps messing with you.Â
âPlease, what?â He leans down, heâs so close your noses almost touch and his breath hits your lips. âUse your words, babe.âÂ
You inhale deeply, breathe breaking in the middle when he goes back to the higher frequency and you come on the spot, stilling as the rushes of pleasure invade your body and put a proud smirk on his face.Â
âWas that what you wanted?â He questions, kindly lowering the vibrations and pushing just a bit more of his tip into you.Â
âNo,â you cry out, âwant you.âÂ
He quirks a brow, caressing your cheeks gently and kissing your lips. âWill you ask nicely?â He says, but when you only part your lips to let out sinful sounds and barely shake your head, he snaps. âIâm sorry, maybe I wasnât clear,â he fakes a sweet tone before he growls and slaps your clit, âask nicely.âÂ
You gasp, feeling sparks rush through you when the spank hits. âPlease, Haechan, please fuck me. I â I need you to fuck me. Iâve been â shit â thinking about you all week, wanted to â to feel your body and â nggh â your touch, please.â You feel on the verge of tears as the vibrator keeps going on your clit and the man between your legs is barely inside you.Â
But maybe thatâs enough for him, maybe you did great and he will give you what you want.Â
âHow much do you need me?âÂ
Or maybe not.Â
âSo much, so, so, so much. I dreamed of you, day and night, mhh,â you swallow a moan, fighting against another orgasm. âFuck me âtil I forget my name, please?âÂ
Haechan moans, bottoming into you in a second, finally giving you what you deserve.
âOh, God,â you gasp out when he fills you up, feeling overflowing with emotions. âPlease, fuck me,â you donât waste time begging again. You need him to move, to send you into the spiral of emptiness and fullness only he can push you into.Â
âI leave you starving for a week or less and you go completely crazy,â he mocks, picking up the rhythm he knows you love while he keeps the toy in place. âMy greedy baby, arenât you?âÂ
Youâre deep down that spiral because that sweet, condescending tone and the possessive pronoun donât make you mad but instead, they make your heart jump to your throat and your heat clench around him.Â
He smirks when you donât reply and angles your hips better so he can reach where he has you trembling.Â
âYouâre making a mess, fuck,â he groans, drifting his gaze from your face to look between your legs. âYou love this toy. Picked a nice gift, havenât I?âÂ
The teasing, bragging tone of his voice would make you talk back to him but you canât say much. The intermitted buzzing of the toy and the never-ending pounding of his dick are driving you wild. Your head is rolled back and you donât even care to shut down your moans, fuck the neighbours, after you two heard them fuck for three hours straight last week this was fair payback.Â
âHyuck,â you cry louder when he changes the rhythm again and this time the vibration builds up slowly before crashing down, kinda like waves. âYouâll â fuck â too good.â
âIâll what, babe?â He grins. âMake you come again? Drive you insane?âÂ
You nod, jaw slack because you feel like you canât breathe in enough air. And when the nth orgasm breaks through, tears erupt down your face. Haechanâs gentle enough to pull the toy away, probably not cause itâs a genuine move of heart but only because heâs too lost in your blissed face.Â
âFuck,â he curses, shakily moving his fingers to caress your wet cheeks. The last time he saw you cry wasnât a great view, and it was because of an asshole, but this time he is the reason for those tears, and they look so beautiful on your pretty, overwhelmed face. He thinks he loves when you get so vulnerable with him, he doesnât even care that you only get like this during sex, he still has that power over you, and knowing you, this is already the biggest sign of trust you can gift him. âYouâre so pretty, you know?âÂ
A dumb smile paints on your face as your hands reach for him to pull him closer. You feel like your brain is melting and your bones are ashes but you want to feel that skin-on-skin contact more. You want him all over you, deeper into you, seeping into the smallest creases of you so that you canât wash him away for days.Â
Haechan moans your name in a heated kiss when you clench around him. âTaking me so fucking well, thatâs my good girl,â he praises, pushing back again on your lips. âMy good girl.âÂ
âYours,â you whimper through moans and sobs.Â
âYeah, mine,â he whispers back, changing the angle of his thrust so he can hit your sweet spot better and exactly how you like. But right now is just too much for you, between your clit being endlessly stimulated, his cock hitting deep into you and his lips and hands on your body, youâre sure you canât drag this longer.Â
âDonât you fucking dare pull away, hands off,â he scolds, swatting your hand away when you try to get between him and the vibrator.Â
âItâs too much,â you whimper, âI canât anymore.âÂ
âYes, you can, babe. Just one more,â he whispers against your lips, kissing you softly to calm you down. âCan you take one more for me?â He still checks, slowing his movements and slowing down the speed of the wand.Â
You hum, breathing out a choked positive answer and he smiles happily, picking up his ministrations inside of you and on your lips. âGood girl,â he praises, âtaking it all, taking me so well. I ââ he stops, panic flicking behind his eyes but yours are closed and youâre too lost to feel the same rush of fear into you. âIâm so proud of you.âÂ
Your eyes snap open when he starts fucking you faster, turning the vibration at that high setting and never changing it until you wouldâve been done. Curse spill from your lips, but Haechan catches them all inside his mouth. He doesnât do it to keep you silent, Markâs not home anyway, he does it for another reason. Almost as if heâs addicted to your lips, or you.Â
âHyuck,â you breathe out.Â
âI know, baby. I know,â he coos before sticking his face in the crook of your neck to smear wet pecks on your skin. âCome with me, okay?âÂ
You hum, shaking your head in quick motions and trapping your lower lip in your teeth because you know your moans would be screams by now, and before the neighbours might mislead this beautiful sex for a crime scene, you try to keep it under control. Haechan is not as careful as you, his velvety, deep moans slip freely and you canât blame him, your pussy must be gripping him tighter than ever before and be just as wet, the lewd wet sounds are a clear indication of how turned on you are.Â
And something between all that makes you both reach your climax, panting and squirming against each other before you go slack on the mattress and he collapses on top of you, thoughtful enough to turn off the toy and threw it at the side of the bed.Â
You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate.Â
âYou amaze me sometimes,â he whispers mindlessly, letting his hand run on your back, reaching your hair to brush some strands, following their natural pattern.Â
You chuckle, âFor taking your cock so well?âÂ
He snorts, rolling his eyes and leaning closer to you; the temptation to kiss you is strong, and weirdly enough you still havenât moved back, but he knows he canât risk it. âFor taking everything I give you so well.âÂ
âFair.âÂ
You stay there for a while more, waiting for your bodies to recharge a bit but the more he holds you in his arms the more you feel sleep take over you. But you both know you canât sleep in those conditions, so Haechan breaks the magic.Â
âShould we order something to eat and in the meanwhile take a bath?âÂ
You stretch, and hum. âIf you carry me to the bathroom.âÂ
Once he has ordered food and youâre both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechanâs body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you.Â
Thereâs nothing sexual about this, heâs delicately cleaning you with the sponge while you talk about stupid things and make jokes.Â
Itâs warm. And safe. And special.Â
Itâs different.Â
From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this.Â
To a home, not a house.Â
To a place to come back to thatâs full of life and love.Â
To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends.Â
You truly believe you could get used to this.Â
But all the fears you have to face still appear like an insurmountable wall that menaces crashing on you.Â
Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he canât reach you through call, when you still donât answer his texts after five days, he knows he wonât write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again.Â
Heâs mad, furious, even, and once again, he canât understand you.Â
You were back together, better than before, closer than before, and now, youâre gone without a word another time.
He doesnât bother to text you to warn you, heâs pretty sure if you knew he was coming, you wouldâve escaped to the other side of the world, leaving no traces behind. So heâs standing at your door, ringing the bell with no patience, and huffing loudly.Â
When the door opens and you murmur a curse after blabbering Johnnyâs name because you were expecting to find him, your eyes widen.Â
âHaechan?â You whisper, throat dry and hand shaking on the knob.Â
He doesnât say anything, he pushes you to the side and enters the place.Â
âHaechan, I can ââ you start, but his glare stops you.Â
âWhy do you always ruin everything good?â His voice is shaking and so are his lips, quivering even now that heâs not talking anymore.Â
And youâre frozen. Youâre not ready for this. You didnât prepare a speech before, you donât have an explanation about your personality and you two. You spent the last five days working and worrying because things went wrong once again because you let him too close and now he is there, waiting for an answer you were never able to give yourself.
âI said,â he starts, âwhy do you ruin everything good?âÂ
âI donâtâŠâÂ
Haechan groans loudly, throwing his head back and turning around because he canât stand your face, your tears rolling down your cheeks as if youâre the victim in this, and probably partially you are, but why canât you let him in? Why canât you explain it to him? Whatever is bothering you and making you stab him repeatedly. He just wants to know why before he lets you go, but it seems you donât even know how to do that.Â
âYou ran away from us another time and you canât give me an explanation?â
âIâm scared, okay? Whatâs between us is⊠is not going where I planned it to go and itâs becoming so much. I just donât know what to do,â you try to explain, trying to keep your composure and donât shake like a leaf.Â
Haechan scoffs in disbelief, but the truth is that heâs feeling an abnormal amount of pain just looking into your eyes. âWhatâs there to know? I thought we were fine. I⊠I came back to you as if nothing happened, as if you didnât leave me without a word. I hurt an innocent person all because I wanted to be with you, in any way, I donât care. I didnât even want apologies or anything, I just wanted you and I thought we were doing fine but to you, fine is never enough.â
âIt was enough, it is. I â I think itâs too much. I donât know how to deal with this. With you,â you reason, and itâs hard to look into his eyes when you can see all the pain youâre causing. Â
âI thoughtâŠâ he stops, backtracking on his own words because none of this makes sense. You never show signs of discomfort when youâre together, you used to bicker much more at the start than now, so your words sound crazy to his ears. âWhy canât you tell me this when I do things that are too much for you?âÂ
âBecause they arenât too much when they happen. I like what we have.âÂ
âThen why do you run away?â He canât keep his voice low, and those words come out in a scream full of bitter incredulity.Â
You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you canât give him an answer, just a useless apology. âIâm sorry,â you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know youâre being honest, youâre not lying or putting up walls. Itâs just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself. Â
âNo, youâre not,â he retorts, voice lower. âIt happened twice, Jesus Christ, twice. You can go back to your ex, the one who treated you like shit, but you canât at least warn me when you need some time alone.âÂ
You shake your head, pressing your lips flat to hold in the cries. âI donât need some time alone. Iâm confused and overwhelmed.âÂ
âBy what?â Haechan urges again, nervously moving in small steps on the spot, feeling like he could explode at any minute.Â
âEverything. All of this is new to me and I⊠Iâm trying to be a better person. Iâm trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and donât fuck everything up, but I canât. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and⊠and I donât know what to do.â
Haechan is confused. He thought that what you had had never been better than this, so why is it so different for you? Why are your points of view so far from one another and distorted? Maybe that is the problem, after all, you are too different from each other, not compatible, and it will never work. âBut I donât get you, Iâve tried, I swear, I did, but itâs like â itâs like thereâs a wall and I canât get past it.âÂ
You groan, throwing your head back, but you know that if itâs difficult for you to explain it must be ten times harder for him to understand. âItâs hard for me.âÂ
âBut why? I thought I was better than your ex, why are you pushing me away?â He knows heâs not perfect, but heâs never done anything to hurt you, moreover, he always tried everything to protect you and make you feel good, and that went beyond sex. He thought it was clear, but apparently, it was all to waste.Â
Youâre short of words, struggling to come up with an answer. âBecause, because, fuck, Iâve never felt like this before. You fucked me up in a way no one else ever did. Itâs pathetic the way you make me weak. The way⊠the way my walls come crashing down when Iâm with you.âÂ
âOh, really?â Itâs a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and itâs even followed by a click of the tongue.Â
Your voice falters as tears break free from your eyes. Of course, he doesnât believe you. Of course, he canât know how much you showed of yourself, parts of you nobody else has ever seen. âThey do. You simply donât pry in, you donât push me to my limits to make me let you in but the door for you is wide open. I feel⊠Iâm vulnerable.â You stop, taking a deep breath. âWhen Iâm with you, Iâm vulnerable.â
Haechan shakes his head, thinking you canât be serious. The only time you have been vulnerable was because of your ex, and the other times you opened up, well, heâs not so sure you told him anything true. âAnd yet I still donât get you, and Iâm starting to think Iâll never will because⊠you act like a child running away when nothing happens. What do you do when things go wrong?âÂ
âI donât know,â you cry, sliding down on the floor, covering your face with your closed fist. You donât let things in your life go wrong, because they already went wrong years ago and you canât even risk for a tragedy to happen again. Thatâs why you need rules, order, and peace. âIâve never had something like, something likeâŠÂ this,â you confess, looking at him. âIâve never had someone like you.â Haechan. The opposite of what you needed until now to survive. There were no rules with him, no order and no peace, but strangely enough, all his opposites didnât bring you war. Yet, that doesnât calm you, something about all of this feels like a bomb to you and he still doesnât understand you.Â
The heavy sigh that comes from his lips makes you look away. âSo, you run when things are good? Will you keep leaving me? Do I have to come running to you, looking for you, not knowing if you want me or if I should leave you space?âÂ
âI donât know.âÂ
Haechan almost yells. âStop saying that, itâs infuriating.âÂ
âBut I truly have no idea. I just told you. I could tell you about me, but why would you want to listen?âÂ
âBecause I love you?â He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. âFuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I canât keep doing this any longer. I love you. I donât know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I canât have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because thatâs what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They donât run away.âÂ
âYou â you love me?âÂ
Haechan takes a deep breath, and a tear rolls down his eyes as he hums, nodding. âAnd you donât have to say anything, I donât care if you donât love me back, but thatâs why I hate when you act like this because you donât let good things come at you in life, I might not be your happy event butâŠâÂ
âBut?âÂ
âGrow up.âÂ
Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you canât believe youâre hearing them from him. You know that wasnât his initial thought, but he doesnât backtrack.Â
âGrow up because you need to learn how to deal with this shit, whatever it is, whatever is making you act like this. Excuses and apologies are not enough. You might not hurt people on purpose, but you still do and IâŠâÂ
âNo, please,â you scream when Haechan starts walking to the door swiftly, opening it before you can even make him out. âDonât leave,â you cry, struggling to stand on your knees. âDonât leave me, too.âÂ
He stops and turns around gulping but shaking his head.Â
âI need to be alone,â his voice is broken and heâs clearly holding back tears, and youâd like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didnât care about them as you care about him.Â
âI canât keep defending you,â Johnny confesses while he stares at your crying face. You called him sobbing, muttering a few words, but he didnât need more to come rushing to you. He didnât even need you to explain, he knew. Haechan had this over-dramatic way of reacting, posting sad Instagram stories with depressing and heart-wrenching songs, and everything led back to you. Also, he had told him he âbrokeâ everything with Wonyoung and Johnny saw how you two were close once again. So, you mustâve fucked it up once again and that was why you two were here.Â
âYou donât have to,â you weep, hiding your face in his chest, and wrapping your arms around his broad back, deeply hoping he would crash you with his arms and you would stop suffering for all your poor decisions.Â
âYou canât keep sabotaging yourself,â he says, caressing your scalp in circular motions, knowing that always makes you calm down. âI canât keep seeing you like this.âÂ
âI was never like this.âÂ
Johnny sighs, âYou might not cry but if you think that I donât know your fucked up coping mechanism, youâre wrong. And we know well itâs not only about love. Everything good that happens in your life you have to turn into a curse. Why?âÂ
âI donât know.â You know it well, and weirdly it isnât even in your power.Â
âYou had an offer of a job you loved and you lost it all because you thought you were undeserving and played humble, and letâs not talk about the days before the interview you spent feeling sick because you thought you werenât good enough for it.â
A broken sniffle rolls from your lips.Â
âDo we have to go back to the school years?âÂ
âNo, thanks.â You donât need a reminder, the years of tears and stress that you doubled for the standards you set for yourself are still weighing on you, so you donât want to go back there mentally.Â
âAnd love⊠why do you think you donât deserve love?âÂ
âI donât think I donât deserve it. I never felt something so strong and Iâm afraid. What if⊠what if weâre both not ready to settle down and be serious with this? What if it will break my heart?âÂ
Johnny chuckles, âAnd what if heâs the love of your life?âÂ
âOh,â you whisper, your heart speeding up just thinking about it. The long-term scared you, that was why you ran away. You love how you feel good when youâre with him, but youâre terrified it wonât last and once the spell expires you will be left in the ashes.Â
âThe only certain things in life are taxes, if youâre not a rich asshole, and death, but everything else? Itâs a shot in the dark. Donât you think some risks are worth taking?âÂ
âBut it will hurt.âÂ
âAnd isnât it hurting already?âÂ
âOh.âÂ
Johnny smiles, caressing your cheek. âWhy are you so worried about the future? You canât make it perfect. You canât have control over everything, little bird.âÂ
âDonât call me little bird,â you say, emitting a sound mixed with a sniffle and a chuckle.Â
âYou are. And you still didnât learn how to fly. But if you donât fly, how will you live?âÂ
You sigh, rubbing your hands on your face before biting your nails nervously.Â
âListen,â he says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and gently whispering your name to make you look at him. âI know why you want to have control so badly. I know why you think that if you plan it all before, think about all the things that could go wrong, and torture yourself into thinking that you can have power over the wilderness of the world and destiny, nothing else will go wrong, but itâs not like this. We both know it.âÂ
You sob louder, knowing exactly what heâs talking about, eyes dropping to the floor as guilt plunges your heart again. âI couldâve saved him.âÂ
âNo, you couldnât have. Some things are just not in our power. I blamed myself too, so many times. But I swore to him I wouldâve protected you over anything, and if that anything is yourself and your fears, I will protect you from you.âÂ
You wish you could feel better at his words, but they only make more tears stream down your face. âIf I didnât call him, if I⊠if I had someone to come home with this wouââÂ
âIt wouldâve happened,â Johnny stops you. âYouâre not that powerful, little bird. Iâm sorry,â he chuckles, wiping your tears away. âNone of us is. And itâs all about luck, and just occasionally about merits. So, if life sent Haechan to you, donât make him slip away.âÂ
âBut every time I followed my instinct things went terribly, I feel like I carry so much bad luck around me sometimes.âÂ
Johnny only hugs you for a while, caressing your back and lulling you in his arms. âWhen you were a kid and let the sea carry you too far away?âÂ
âMy father almost died.âÂ
âBut he didnât.âÂ
âYes, but then⊠you know what happened.âÂ
âAnd it wasnât your fault. After that you never let emotions carry you, you never let someone deep into you because you think everyone could betray you, and unless you have everything written down you donât do a thing. You hide it quite well, you almost seem normal from the outside.âÂ
You laugh lightly and hug him tighter. You donât feel better, but maybe heâs right, maybe this is your chance to change your life and stop living in fear.Â
âSo, what do I do?âÂ
âYou let Haechan in, maybe explain something to him so he puts his mind at ease because I think that both Adele and Taylor Swiftâs discographies are about to end, he seemed rather depressed in his stories.âÂ
âAnd if it goes wrong?âÂ
âAt least you tried.âÂ
A heavy sigh rolls from your lips as you stare blankly at the floor, nervously biting the inside of your cheeks and, once again, trying to think faster than life, maybe if you change your plans, it would count as if you still made them, right? Or maybe this time there is no plan, and itâs right like this.Â
âI only promised him one thing, and Iâm not going to take my words back, little bird. He wanted you to live, to be free, and to be loved. On the way to you, he called me, ranting furiously about how he wouldâve killed your stupid boyfriend if he saw him somewhere because nobody could hurt you. He only wanted someone that was right for you. Iâm sure he would love Haechan, and who knows, maybe Hyuck is truly sent from above.âÂ
When your closed fist crashes against Haechanâs front door to knock on it you feel like you could pass out. You keep torturing the inside of your cheeks, chewing the flesh nervously, while your right foot nervously bounces against the cold floor.Â
You slightly jump back when the door opens and your eyes meet with his.Â
âWhoâs â Oh, itâs you,â he whispers and he almost sounds disappointed, you wouldnât bet on it, but his eyes are not looking at you like they usually would and that makes you regret even more that you came.Â
âCan we talk?â Your voice is weak and hardly comes out, vocal cords shaking like your body. âNo, we need to talk. Please,â you add to donât sound too rude, itâs the last thing you can be, given the position youâre in.Â
Haechan sighs, rubbing his face and then moving to the side to let you in. The house is dark, the only light comes from outside, and dead quiet.Â
âWhy are you here?â He questions, crossing his arms and watching as youâre about to sit on the sofa. You stop halfway and gulp, standing up again and clinging to your purse. âYou can sit.âÂ
You do, fixing your clothes and looking down at the floor.Â
âSo? I donât have all day,â he urges and the coldness of his voice is the tenth bad sign thatâs screaming you shouldnât do this.Â
âAbout us.âÂ
Haechan chuckles, itâs a bitter laugh, trapped in the back of his throat while his eyes roll to the sky and his head shakes. âUs? Now you decided thereâs an us?âÂ
You bite your lower lip and clench your fists. âPlease, just let me explain.âÂ
âSure, canât wait to hear some other bullshit youâll have to tell me before disappearing forever,â he says, sitting in front of you, and the distance feels unbearable. You had never seen him this cold, not even when you went back to the coastal town this winter.Â
âListen, Iâm here to talk like adults, okay? Can we please stop being childish and put the pride away for just an hour? Then Iâll leave if you want to.âÂ
He hums, heâd love to add that he doesnât want you to leave, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to talk.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say. âFor everything I did to you. Trying not to hurt myself I only hurt you and I didnât want to.âÂ
He babbles something under his breath, shaking his head, he canât even be mad at you for long and he hates it.Â
âAnd I donât want you to forgive me, but I think I owe you my honesty, and a bit more of me, you knowâŠâÂ
âYou donât have to.âÂ
âNo, I do, because you let me⊠you let me in. You talked about your family, about your struggles, how you moved here on your own and I said a few things and I even lied.âÂ
Haechanâs face cannot be read, probably a fragment of stupor crosses it or maybe disappointment, but then he scoffs. âWhy am I not surprised?âÂ
âI didnât â I didnât think we would ever get here,â you confess. âYou were supposed to be just sex, Haechan. To be honest, I didnât even want you to be that. Johnny dragged me to that bar and here we are.âÂ
He gulps, moving his eyes up and down your figure, and then takes a deep breath. âWe donât have to be anything, I just wish you wouldnât cut me off like this all the time because it hurts. I care about you and the idea of hurting you, even involuntarily, kills me. Itâs pathetic, I know, butâŠâ he sighs, rubbing his temples, âbut itâs the truth.âÂ
Your heart jumps and you canât believe his words. So is this how it feels when the person you love the most is about to give you up? âBut I do.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âI â IâŠâ you choke up on your words, fighting the tears back. âI want to â I donât know why it is so hard.â No, you know why, because the last time the words âI love youâ slipped from your lips you were bent on a deathbed, beginning your other half to stay alive, to donât leave you in the madness of the world at fifteen, promising him from then on you were going to listen, to stay in track and never break a rule, but it was all in vain. And now confessing that something as strong as love ties you to someone that wasnât in your life since forever makes you shit yourself.Â
âYou donât have to fake it if you donât feel anything. I know I crossed a line, I know what our rules were and Iâm aware I broke them so no, I wonât blame you if I lose you,â Haechan says, stopping probably to gather the courage to add the last words, âI know I already did.âÂ
âNo, you didnât,â you say. âLet me talk, please?âÂ
Haechanâs not sure, taking time to consider his options, but then nods, humming lowly. This might be the last time he has you like this, if he didnât listen to you now, he wouldâve regretted it forever, staying up at night thinking about what you had to say.Â
âRemember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?â Haechan nods, even if he doesnât get its correlation with you two. âI lied. They never fought; my brother died,â your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, âIt was all my fault.âÂ
âWhat?â He blurts out, eyes wide and mouth open. âI mean, Iâm sorry, God, it wasnât supposed to come out like that but⊠IâŠâÂ
You chuckle, shaking your head. âItâs alright, I wouldâve reacted the same way if you pretended your brother was alive and well.âÂ
âIt didnât happen recently, right?â Heâs afraid all this time you left, it was because of that, maybe you were going through a loss and he wasnât by your side. Â
You shake your head, playing with your fingers. âI was fifteen, and he was only twenty.âÂ
He mentally takes a breath of relief knowing it was in the past, but he doesnât feel any better, itâs clear itâs still hard for you to talk about it even if seven years went by. âBut⊠unless you didnât kill him, how can it be your fault?âÂ
âIf only I didnât call him, if only I listened to my parents and never⊠never dated him or went on that trip, my brother would be here today.âÂ
Haechan tries to talk but you stop him. âBut thatâs not why I talked to you about this, I mean, I still have to talk to you about this. I hope it can make you understand why⊠why Iâm like this.âÂ
The man in front of you swallows, and you can read it in his eyes heâs not so sure anymore he wants to dive deep into you, but itâs the only way he can at least try to forgive you.Â
âI know it sounds crazy but, when I was a child, I was reckless and only trusted my instincts. I loved living to the fullest, you know? I always tried new things and nothing really scared me. I was like this even with people, I always saw their good, but sometimes the good never even existed.âÂ
Haechan doesnât talk, he only looks at you, listening attentively. And that makes you relax a bit, that was one of his thousand virtues, he always listened and emitted this sense of calm. Â
âI was like this even as a teenager when I didnât know men are shit since the day they are born.âÂ
âHe was, he turned seventeen when I turned fifteen and we werenât together until then, but I was⊠a child at heart. I didnât feel ready to try a lot of new things and he always pressured me into them. My parents didnât like him, but I was headstrong and didnât listen. Anyway, we dated for a while and everything was fine, until one day he asked me to go camping with his friends. I was so happy, it was my first night out with people I wasnât super close with and we were under the sky, in my mind it was going to be the most romantic night of my life until it turned into a nightmare. My parents didnât want me to go, so I had a fight with them and my brother took my defences, saying that I had to make my first experiences and if something happened I could always call home, so they gave up. But I was still mad at them and didnât want to call them when things went wrong, proving they were right wouldâve killed my pride, so I called my brother. I knew he wouldâve never said anything to me.âÂ
âDid he⊠force you?âÂ
You shake your head. âNo, but they were doing drugs and mixing it with alcohol and I was afraid, I only knew him and two other girls, but never was in touch with his friends and they were all starting to get too violent, and I didnât like the jokes, the jokes about me. They started mocking me, for being too naïve, and pure and he didnât say a word to defend me, he even laughed with them, straight to my face. And then the alcohol made him confess he hated how we still hadnât fuck because I wasnât ready, and after that, I snapped. I was terrified he was going to find a way to make it happen somehow that night and I didnât want to be there. I had nobody to defend me and I couldnât stay there. So I grabbed my things while fighting with him and ran away, in the middle of the wood, crying and heartbrokenâŠâÂ
âSo you called your brother?âÂ
You nod, wiping away the tears. âHe came rushing, and he wanted to address them but I just wanted to go home, technically to Johnnyâs place, I didnât want to see my parents and we had this plan we wouldâve kept it a secret from them.â
âSo you were already friends with Johnny?âÂ
You nod. âWeâve always been, thatâs why I tell you that I could never be attracted to him, he has always been like my second older brother, and now heâs the only one I have left.âÂ
âYou donât have to go onâŠâ Haechan says, seeing how much youâre shaking and how weak your voice is.Â
âNo, I do, I need to. I trust you,â you confess, and the beam behind his eyes dims your tension. âWe were driving to Johnnyâs place, it was late at night and it also started raining. I know it wouldâve happened even if he wasnât mad because we were in the right, he was driving well, but if only I didnât call him up he wouldâve been at home and not in that damn crossroad.â You canât go on and you lower your head while you try to gather your thoughts and stop your body from shaking. You feel Haechanâs hand reach yours and you hold it tight after the sofa hollows as he sits next to you.Â
âThe last thing I remember is his hand on my thigh while he caressed my hand to calm me down, and the static, deafening sound in my ear of the crush, the pain and his hand slipping away.âÂ
âSo, you were there?âÂ
âYeah,â you whisper. âHe didnât die on the spot, he suffered for like a week, he even woke up, barely had time to talk one last time to all of us and then his heart had a failure and they couldnât save him.âÂ
âIâm so sorry,â he says, contemplating hugging you but it feels out of place, so he only keeps caressing your hand. âAnd you?âÂ
âBroken leg, broken arm, a minor brain trauma and something else but Iâm still here, and heâs not. And why? Because I decided to follow my dumb heart.â
Haechan feels out of place but after what you heard he canât keep quiet. âI⊠I think he loved you too much to blame you for something that wasnât in your power.âÂ
âI know, I swear. I went to therapy, and I know itâs not my fault, I accepted his death and I know he wouldâve thrown himself in the flames for me, but I canât let go of this fear in my everyday life. Not having control drives me crazy and with you, I lost it so soon, it never happened before.âÂ
âI donât know what to say,â Haechan confesses, heâs still holding your hand because it feels like the only thing he can do. But other than that? He canât protect you from your fears and he doesnât know how to give some control into your hands, itâs not in his power either.Â
âI love you,â you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. âAnd thatâs the shitties confession ever, and Iâm so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I⊠I canât keep losing good things in life because Iâm afraid of taking risks. I canât erase you, Iâve tried, but I canât.âÂ
Haechanâs mouth is wide and heâs not sure if he went completely insane or if those words came out of your mouth for real.Â
âI canât move on from you. And I donât need all the big answers I was searching for to give this a reason, I love you, itâs simple as that.âÂ
âIâŠâ he tries to answer you, but he feels his heart racing and head spinning, you just said you love him, twice.Â
You stand up and start walking back and forth. âIâve never been so honest, but I canât stop thinking of you, dreaming of you, even. And I canât believe I love being with you so much. God, you were supposed to be just a one-night stand and here we are, you washed over me like a rouge wave and...â you chuckle, eyes glistening as happy tears wet them â... I canât even care if it made me drown. I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and donât have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.â Â
You canât read his expression, your heart dares to say heâs happy, surely shocked and probably thrilled, but your brain is still the annoying douchebag that makes you feel he doesnât want you back.Â
âAnd I know Iâm hard to be with but if you want me, if you feel like you can take me for who I am, I promise that I wonât disappear ever again and I will let you in.âÂ
Haechan chuckles and then raises his head to smile at you. âYou are the wildest rollercoaster Iâve ever been on, you know?â You hum, smiling sadly. âBut I canât get off.â Your eyes light up at his words and your heart starts beating again as if it has been brought back to life.Â
âSo you donât hate me?âÂ
He shakes his head, standing up to be face to face. âI donât think I can.âÂ
Your smile lights up the room, and Haechan leans closer. âSo, can I kiss you or are we breaking another rule?âÂ
You chuckle. âWe are. I think this is the only one we never broke, we never kissed outside of sex.âÂ
âOh, so this one has to be specialâŠâ he caresses your cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, rubbing your skin with his thumb and then leans in, ââŠto us?âÂ
You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. âTo us.â When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings. Itâs soft, and thereâs still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know itâs going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips.Â
Haechan hits different. Haechan is like a high-speed train and a bullet to the heart. Haechan is like jumping in the void with no parachute on hoping wings will grow from your back to keep you floating. But itâs good and it makes you feel alive, a feeling youâre now sure you had forgotten a long time ago.Â
And maybe, after all, you have to thank Johnny for this.
Mark would be in AWE when you were wearing a lingerie underneath your outfit. He'll be stunned for a minute when you revealed that you're wearing a lingerie instead of your daily bra and underwear. He'll be the type to trace the details, and just gasp in awe. Also compliments you nonstop, "You look so, so good babe," "God, you're such an angel," "I can't believe you're my girl," something like that, ALSO has self-control so it's either the lingerie stays on or he'll be careful to undress you. (He'll take his time to appreciate your body.)Â
Huang Renjun
Sweet Renjun would be caught off-guard when you show up in your room wearing a lingerie. He'll be frozen in his seat for a like a minute that you probably started getting awkward because of the silence. BUT once Renjun came back to his senses, he'll stutter his way to showering you compliments, but you can see that he's avoiding eye contact to you because he can feel himself heating up. Also would ask permission if he can touch you, and you'll happily nod at his request. I think he's also the type to be amazed at the details of the lingerie and how it fits your body perfectly.Â
Lee Jeno
Contrary to popular belief, I think that Jeno would also be caught off-guard when you wear a lingerie. He'll be a shy puppy! Eyes wide and locked onto you. When you asked him what he thinks, Jeno would ask instead how do you feel. Of course, you'll say that you feel confident about your outfit and I think that will assure Jeno! He'll proceed to compliment you nonstop, his body wandering around your body, gentle when he touches the fabrics. Somehow, he ends up accidentally tearing your lingerie due to his hands, but promises you he'll buy you another set.Â
Lee Donghyuck
Oh Haechan is SMUG about your outfit. He's confident and he's probably staring at you like he wants to devour you or something. He'll compliments you nonstop but he'll be the type to observe you, like literally he'll come near you and just gazed at your body and how the lingerie fits your body like a glove. Haechan is also the type to make you spin around slowly just so you can put on a show for him, and he can gaze at your body more. Also will pull you onto his lap because he wants to admire you more closer.Â
Na Jaemin
Lets out an exaggerated GASP when he sees you in your room wearing a lingerie. Wants to hug you so bad BUT he knows that he might ruin the fabric so he just gaze at you at a close distant. Will say that you look so beautiful every second, making you laugh because Jaemin would act like he fainted because of the sight of you. His hands are probably on your ass already, and he showers you with lots of lots of kisses not only on your lips but also on the visible areas of your body. (The lingerie stays on!)
Zhong Chenle
Another smug one because Chenle bought it for you! How he was able to determine your size is up to your imagination. I feel like the first time he saw you wearing a lingerie is when you two are shopping and he really PULLED you to an expensive lingerie shop, grabs the sets that he thinks suits you the most and would make you put on a show in a private dressing room! He just sit there on the chair as you pull the curtain to reveal the lingerie. He doesn't compliment you but you can see in his expression whether he likes the set or not. Bought you more than five sets probably.Â
Park Jisung
LMAO Jisung will be surprised and will be REALLY shy about it. You wanted to surprise him and it took you a lot of courage to do so. So you two will stand there in an awkward silence. You're waiting on what will Jisung do next but poor chick is just frozen there. You have to step in first, and as you come nearer, he'll probably look away, feeling himself heating up. But it'll take him a few minutes to finally look at you, a genuine smile on his lips as he tells you that you look pretty and you don't need to wear lingerie for him. He rebuts it immediately, saying that if you love wearing it, then you should! it's just, he was just surprised.
genre/warnings: bff2l, suggestive, lots of sexual innuedos but no smut, fluff, a teaspoon of angst, mc & hc are oblivious to each otherâs feelings and jaemin calls them out on their bullshit, mutual pining
summary: Cupid is not on your side, it seems. Heâs made you fall in love with the worst possible person ever, AKA your best friend, AKA the man who still eats tootsie-popsâwillingly. And frankly, it feels like the damn candy has a better chance of dating him than you ever will.
word count: 11.1k
a/n: inspired by down for you by kehlani, boyfriend by ariana grande, and serial lover by kehlani. another oldie but i kinda like it⊠kinda. as always, feedback is appreciated!
Itâs safe to say that Cupid is your mortal enemy (Or immortalâwhatever. Nonetheless, you arenât the biggest fan of him.)
You donât know why, but for some inexplicable reason, he always makes you fall in love with the wrong people. Such as Lee Taeyong from eighth grade, or your failed relationship with Kim Jisoo from your biology class in high school â a pretty girl, but you were as compatible as Mentos and Coca-Cola. Hell, there was even Jung Sungchan from senior year, who you naturally drifted away from during an exam period. Theyâre all chapters in your book now, but youâre currently stuck on the one about your best friend, Lee Haechan.
It seems like youâre Cupidâs mortal enemy, too. You and Haechan are always side by side, down one anotherâs throats, thereâs no way his arrow could have hit you and missed Haechan.
Perhaps, itâs a hole you dug yourself in. Via mutual friends, when you were seventeen, you met Lee Haechan â jock, senior, and the most beautiful boy youâve ever seen. There was an instant connection between you two, all it took was a convo at a party about coincidentally both failing the same math exam, and you quickly became friends and close enough to pour out your heart into little rants whenever there was something personal bothering either of you, and you needed an outlet. You liked him because he understood you. He was patient witth you. You see, you arenât the best at communicating how you feel, and he never makes you feel bad about it.
You remember breaking up with your then-boyfriend, Jung Sungchan, and while you werenât heartbroken since you saw it coming and all the love had evaporated by then, you were devastated that you no longer had someone to kiss. That being your main concern made Haechan laugh. He thought it was the most you thing ever.
âCan I kiss you, then?â you asked, a little grin on your face, although you were very serious. It wouldnât be the end of the world, kissing your best friend. He has pretty lips, and it isnât like itâll mean anything, you think. Itâs just one kiss.
Haechan scoffed, biting off the last remaining piece of his Tootsie Pop off the stick. Youâre kidding, he thinks. Why would you seriously want to kiss him? And after breaking up with your now ex-boyfriend? The woundâs still fresh. âYou wouldnât dare.â
To Haechanâs surprise, you dared.
He tasted like chocolate, exactly like a Tootsie Pop, as expected of him. You didnât mind, though. You never do. It was fun, you liked the way Haechan held you in his lap and kissed you back with fierceness, and he still kisses you with that same passion, like thereâs no tomorrow.
And thatâs the problem.
Fast-forward four years later, youâre still best friends with Lee Haechan, only this time youâre in college, and have the fattest, most gigantic crush on him. Somewhere along the way, those lines between love and friendship were blurred. Itâs impossible to pinpoint when, but you fell deep and hard for your best friend.
And the worst part? You doubt heâll ever reciprocate those feelings.
One kiss turned into more than you can count on your fingers and toes.
Should you continue making out with your best friend who doesnât reciprocate your romantic interest in him? Probably not.
Are you still going to, though? Absolutely.
âY/n, Iâm going to kill you,â Haechan states as he stumps inside the dining room. His hair is tussled since heâs just waken up from a nap, but you like this raw side of him. He looks gorgeous, and despite him basically threatening to murder you you still want to kiss him.
âRomantic,â you deadpan, training your eyes back on your laptop. It takes everything in you not to stare, but if you want to keep your feelings low-key, you need to follow a couple of rules.
âI know you took my Tootsie Pop. Where is it?â
You smirk a little, but it quickly fades into a line. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
Okay, so maybe thatâs a lie, and you both know it. You arenât the only other person in the house, but Jungwoo, Haechanâs stepbrother, is asleep and wouldnât cut his nap time short to do something as stupid as stealing the last of his brotherâs favorite candy. That leaves you. As his best friend, youâre the first person to know Haechan turns murderous over those stupid lollipops, and that heâs the last person to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop. In your personal opinion, theyâre not even that good. But heâs loved them ever since youâve known him.
âWeâre best friends, y/n. I know when youâre lying,â he remarks, and doesnât give you the chance to answer before he persists, âwhere is it?â
Thereâs only one way out of this.
Run.
Haechan follows almost automatically, and in spite of being barely awake he obviously has the upper hand because heâs always leaned more towards the sport-y side. This doesnât deter you though, because you have a getaway plan.
In your attempt to somehow outrun a man that used to do track and field, you make a beeline for the backyard door. Heâs not going to outrun you in the grass in slippers, you think as you turn to see if heâs caught up on you. Youâre in the lead, albeit barely, with your body almost being in arms reach. You try to pick up your speed, and once you reach the door you hurry to turn the knob. Except, thereâs one, itty-bitty problem.
The door is fucking locked.
And you already know you wonât have time to open it, so you cave in to defeat, whirling around with your hands up in a surrendering pose. Your planâs backfired; youâve been caught.
âOh, Iâve got you now,â Haechan says cockily. He has youâhook, line, and sinker, and at this point you arenât even upset. You canât be upset. His eyes are on you, and his body is close to yours, dangerously so.
âOkay, you win. Happy?â You mumur.
âNot until I get my Tootsie Pop back,â he shakes his head, ânow where is it?â
Smiling, you shrug. Of course, you know where the candy is, but heâs either going to have to win or pry the answer out of you.
Then, he steps even closer, and your heart starts pounding in your chest twenty times faster than your feet were against the hardwood. This isnât your first rodeo, youâve made out with your best friend countless times, yet the anticipation gives you a rush, like youâve never done this before. It makes you feel like a teenager in love all over again â seventeen, young and head over heels in love with the man closest to you.
Heâs back you into the door, and you canât keep your eyes off his lips. Beautiful, plush, soft, and your eyes flutter shut as you prepare to feel the same skilled pair against your own, closer, and closer, and closerâ
Crunch.
âI fucking knew it!â Haechan yells, jolting your eyes open. You arenât even given the opportunity to register the situation before his hands are digging into your back pocket, retrieving his fortunately unharmed Tootsie Pop.
It feels like heâs gone before you can even blink, and realizing heâs slipped back into the hall, you begin to follow him into his room. âHey!â you yell, and he doesnât say anything, just looking up at you from his gaming chair with that damn candy hanging from his mouth, âwhy didnât you kiss me?â
âWhyâd you steal my Tootsie Pop?â
Okay, that was stupid, yes, but there was a particular goal in mind which was reached, even if for a short-lived moment.
You frown, âI wanted your attention.â
Haechan shakes his head, laughing. âCâmere.â
Somehow, those words never fail, making you melt and slip into his lap effortlessly every time. Youâre like Jell-O to his voice, to his touch, to his whole. Youâre a goner, some would say, and a part of you is alright with never coming back if it means you get to feel all the weird, Cupid-y emotions he makes you feel.
At this point, you donât think youâll ever stop kissing Haechan. In the time that youâve been together, youâve both been in relationships, hence putting the make out sessions on hiatus. They were never really long though, because youâd break up with them and inevitably find your way back to one another in the end.
His fingers guide your chin up, and once more your eyes flutter shut as his lips unite with yours. Haechan kisses in a manner that contrasts with the soft feeling of his lips. He always starts off gentle, but thereâs a hunger that overcomes him as he stands up and pushes you against his desk, rough yet graceful and holding you so firmly, like youâre glass, but he wants to break you. And when he shatters you into all those tiny pieces, you donât care. You want him to glue you back together and do it all over again. Heâs intoxicating, heâs an addictive drug, but he tastes like candy, and you canât stop coming back to him. He feels like home, the place where you belong. The place where you can be one-hundred percent, authentically you, safe and whole, more than the general perception than you. And fuck, does he kiss like the damn devil himself.
You were silly for ever believing it would only be one kiss.
Jungwoo thinks that for people who are trying to keep their not-so relationship-y relationship under wraps, you two are very loud.
Speaking of which, and despite the nature of your relationship, you and Haechan havenât even discussed your label. You know that you arenât friends with benefitsâyou havenât crossed that line, but to be honest, those lines have been starting to look blurry for a whileâbut you also arenât in a relationship. You see other people, you fuck other people, and when other people ask if youâre dating, you both deny it immediately. Youâre just best friends, you both say each time like some rehearsed line, even if it breaks your heart to hear him friendzone you.
Karina and Mark even have an ongoing bet about you two. Karina is one-hundred positive thereâs something going on, whereas Mark is probably the only person in the world that wants to give you guys the benefit of the doubt.
âFor heavenâs sake, I canât get any type of sleep around here,â Jungwoo rasps, leaning against the doorframe, âI really hope you guys donât do this shit when Dohwanâs here.â
His judgmental eyes practically bore into your soul, and you thank heaven that you donât have to worry about keeping this secret from Jungwoo, even if he would probably appreciate it more if you did. He finds you in a rather interesting position, straddling Haechanâs lap as you press kisses into his collarbone.
Itâs all Haechanâs fault, really. Three years ago, Jungwoo made the mistake of walking inside Haechanâs bedroom without knocking, accidentally finding you two making out in a very touchy way on his bed because a certain someone didnât think to lock the door. Not only did you ruin his quote-unquote innocence, but his perception of you forever, and ever since that ordeal, Jungwoo has never opened his stepbrotherâs door without knocking. This time, it just so happened to be wide-open.
You bite your lip, feeling bad. Kim Dohwan is Haechanâs halfbrother of whom he babysits whenever available (and you like to tag on, because dealing with children is stressful and Haechanâs already stressed enough), and on weekdays Jungwoo has to wake up from his nap earlier to pick up the kid from school and bring him back home, then leave for work. You were too loud and disrupted the poor guyâs nap time.
âOh,â Haechan says the syllable blankly, not too sympathetic, âdid we wake you?â
âOf course not, I usually wake up at 2pm and take extra longs showers to start my day,â Jungwoo deadpans, âbut whatever. Iâm heading out. Donât forget to go grocery shopping today.â
âNoted,â you and Haechan say simultaneously, gazing at one another and stifling giggles when you catch each otherâs gaze. Jungwoo smiles at you, then flicks off his brother before parting.
When youâre both all alone again, a few seconds pass before Haechanâs eyes do that thing where they twinkle every time something catches his interest (or perhaps thatâs the in love side of your brain making you see things.)
âHey, you coming to Chenleâs Valentines Day party Monday?â You donât know why heâs even asking, you follow Haechan everywhere he goes like a lost puppy. Maybe heâs discreetly asking you out. âUnless youâre actually busy, by the way, I hope you know youâre going. And maybe youâll find some single pringle interested in a relationship. You canât just kiss me forever, you know.â Oh. Well that eliminates that thought.
A part of you is yelling at you to decline, to lie and say that you actually have a dick or pussy appointment scheduled for the 14th, yet another is weak, in spite of you being aware of how this works. First of all, Valentineâs Day parties are mainly for single people who donât have anything better to do, and each time one of you go to one, you end up meeting some stranger and hooking up with them. You know thatâs more than likely what heâs going to do, and you arenât strong enough to watch him flirt with other people.
You know how to put up a good front, though, so youâll fake it until you make it.
âWe can do a lot more than kiss,â you suggest with a wink.
Haechan grimaces, âNo thanks. Now get off my lap.â
You frown, but climb off his lap nonetheless. âWow,â you drag dramatically, âYouâll make out with me for what feels like hours, but sticking your dick in me is where you draw the line?â
âPrecisely.â
You gasp in faux offense. âOh, come on. Sex doesnât seem so bad. Like, think of it as my pussy giving your dick a nice warm hug.â
Haechanâs at a lost for words, his face bright red. How do you even come up with this stuff? âOh my god, are you coming or not?â
You joke, âI thought you said sticking your dick in me was where you draw the line?â
He shoots you a glare so sharp youâre sure that if you were still on his lap, heâd be barely resisting the urge to shove you off. You donât miss the way his cheeks heat up, though.
Haechan groans exasperatedly, leaning back his gaming chair, âY/n, seriously!â
âFine!â resisting your best friend is literally impossible, you conclude, because you have officially caved in to his requestâor, more or less, demand, rather, âfine, fine! Iâll go!â
âGreat,â he grins with satisfaction, beaming with his thirty-two teeth, and you even see little gleams of smiles in his eyes, âanyway, Dohwanâs gonna be here soon, so letâs get ready to go shopping.â
You furrow your brows. You have a solid twenty minutes left, and all you really need to do is slip on your shoes.
âI need more Tootsie Pops,â Haechan adds, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense.
And you roll your eyes. âWeâll get you some more Tootsie Pops, but you better not ditch us for the candy aisle!â
âOf course, not,â he smiles, not even trying to sound or appear convincing. âIâd never leave you guys.â
Thatâs exactly what he does.
You arenât even remotely surprised, though heavily disappointed when he announces in the middle of the thankfully empty cereal aisle that heâs going to find Tootsie Pops, managing to run off before you can even protest.
Gripping the shopping cart, you avert your gaze from the Cinnamon Toast Cruch boxes to his figure, almost missing him jog onto the following aisle. You shake your head, a small smile tugging your lips. If it were the end of the world, Haechan would stock up on those candies before he would even think to consider water.
âAuntie Y/N,â you arenât quite adjusted to being addressed as an aunt, but you arenât against it either. You have the image all put togetherârich, thriving, and the kids adore you, âdo you love my brother?â
That was perhaps the very last question you expected the six-year-old boy to ask you. Your eyes are a little wide, but itâs a kid, you remind yourself, so you shouldnât be worried. But shit, then again, if a first-grader can figure it out, youâre fresh out of luck.
âWhy do you think that?â You crouch down to be eye-level with him, having a feeling thereâs some misunderstanding here. Dohwanâs bright for his age and doesnât let anyone forget it, but youâll be damned if heâs sniffed you out.
He makes a face. âI saw you kiss him, just like mommy and daddy do. And my mommy and daddy love each other veryââ he stretches the vowel, and you canât but giggle, ââmuch! Thatâs why they made me!â then he gasps, and you fear what it means, praying he doesnât ask what you think he will. âWill you and my brother have a baby, too? I wanâ a new friend!â
On second thought, you think youâd rather he wouldᅵᅵᅵve asked you what you thought he was. You nearly have a heart attack in the middle of the aisle, yet still, Dohwan gazes up at you with his innocent, sparkly eyes. You assume itâs in the blood; Jungwoo doesnât have them, and he isnât blood-related to Haechan, but Dohwan partially is, and the twinkle is promiment.
Calmly, you reply, âDonât you already have a lot friends?â
He does, you both know it. You vaguely remember pulling up to his sixth birthday bash and being in shock of all the little kids jumping and flipping on the Spider-Man bouncy house. You havenât been surrounded by that many children since, hell, probably since kindergarten.
âYeah, but I wanna be a big brother,â he folds his tiny arms and pouts, âItâs not fair Hyuck and Woo get to be big, but I donât!â
With minimum success, you manage to stifle your laugh, stretching out your arms to bring the little boy in for a hug, âYouâll be big one day. Trust me, you donât wanna rush it.â
âAnd strong like Superman?â
âAnd strong like Superman,â you reassure, all smiley and convincing. âNow letâs go check up on your big brother, heâs taking too long.â
Dohwan rocks from side to side as he walks, murmuring some Nickelodeon TV show theme song, and you push the cart until youâve reached your designation.
Quickly, you regret acting on your impatience. The scene taking place at the back of the aisle is anything but comfortingâHaechanâs talking to some girl, whom of which is literally throwing herself onto him, and you canât help but notice the way he wallows in the attention. For fucks sake, all the attention you give him and he doesnât even give a fraction of it back! Then here comes this random girl from your campus.
Sometimes, you think about how you could do everything sheâs doing right nowâtwirl your hair around your finger, be touchy with him, giggling girlishly at everything he says, funny or notâand yet he wouldnât bat an eye, because youâre best friends and nothing more. Kissing each other breathless is already normalized between the two of you, whatâs a little flirting.
Sometimes, you wish you hadnât kissed your best friend that day. Youâre both too comfortable, everything is too weightless. I love you, Haechan says it back without a thought. Câmere, he calls and pulls you onto his lap or cuddles you to death. Fuck, heâon very rare occasions when making out goes a little too farâgroans into your ear, groping you a little. Scratch that. It may be weightless on his end, but it isnât on yours, and everything has an everlasting effect on you.
âAuntie?â
When you look down at Dohwan, your gaze is so, so tired. Your eyes do the talking; you canât move your lips.
He hugs your leg. âI love you.â
His face is pure, innocent, but he reads you so perfectly. The corners of your lips turn up, and you ruffle his hair, âLove ya, too. Letâs go get your brother, alright?â
He bounces eagerly, and you both begin to stroll down the aisle until youâre beside Haechan. Youâre in a selfish mood today, so you think of some remark to make in the process.
âNice Tootsie Pops, Bowlcut,â you mask your tiny emotional breakdown with a joke, âHi, Faith.â
âHope,â she corrects, evidently annoyed by your presence, though she doesnât state it outright. âMy name is Hope. And⊠bowl cut?â
âInterchangeable,â you dismiss her correction carelessly. In all honesty, you already knew her name, but youâre feeling like a bitter bitch currently, âand yeah, in high school Haechan had this hideous bowl cut that heââ
âShut the fuck up,â Haechan grumbles, âthat was four years ago!â
âAnd Iâll never forget,â youâre smiling blissfully, nostalgic. âAnyways, whatâcha two doing?â
âWe were catching up, itâs been a minute since Iâve seen Hope here,â you hear Hope snicker at this, and something about it is extremely off-putting. He turns to her, âSo, Iâm in a bit of a time crunch. Could I have your number?â
Ouch. Right in your face, literally.
She giggles some more, typing her number in his phone, and you try to focus on Dohwan so that you donât cave into your desire to knock her upside the head. Thereâs already so much on your plate, you donât need an assault charge.
She smiles, all bubbly and giddy. You know jealousy isnât a good look, but itâs still pissing you off. âSee you around?â
âSee you around,â Haechan replies. She hugs him, not forgetting to shoot you a look from across his shoulder as she does, and only once satisfied does she turns on her heel, sashaying away.ï¿Œ
âDidnât know pussy was on the shopping list,â you sneer, relieved once sheâs finally gone. Her presence was suffocating.
âYeah, yeah, whatever,â he rolls his eyes, âat least Iâm actually trying, I donât know what youâre going to do when Iâm cuffed down andâholy shâI mean crap! Youâre so quiet, I forgot you were here,â Haechan jumps, only noticing Dohwan when he pokes at his leg. âAnd donât you dare make a cuff joke, y/n. Not in front of the kid.â
You yell in that defensive tone which is a tell-tale sign youâre lying, âI wasnât gonna!â
Haechan gives you the look.
The weâre-best-friends, I-know-when-youâre-lying look.
And that look is utterly withering, so you decide youâre accepting defeat. âOkay fine, maybe I was thinking about it, but I wasnât actually gonna say it. Not with him around.â
Haechan snorts, like you said something funny, but in reality he just doesnât believe you. âYeah, alright. Letâs finish shopping.â
You donât argue, but thereâs a lingering thought in your mind as you push the cart, rattling around in your brain still.
When heâs cuffed. Hmm. You canât speak for him completely, but you both know how that one goes. When you get into a relationship, you think the person is great and they serve as a nice temporary distractionâthat is, until youâre bored and realize no one will ever compare to Haechan, and especially not in the kissing department. So you break up, and then you go back to making out with Haechan, solidifying your suspicion that no one will ever replace your best friend. Itâs the reason you donât do relationships anymore, you feel bad for using people when you know it isnât going to change a thing. It never does.
As far as your knowledge extends, things arenât too different with Haechan. You and him donât push things, you donât pry too deep. Thereâs some unspoken boundary, and you know when to drop things. Thatâs why you both say the same thing each time you ask one another why you and whoever it was that you were previously seeing broke upâit wasnât working out.
Like a moth to a flame, Haechan always finds his way back to you too, because apparently youâre the only person that can keep him tied down. You donât think thatâs the case, though. Your problem is youâre in love with your best friend, no matter how hard you try to suppress the feelings. His problem? You canât be sure, but youâd guess commitment issues.
Whatever it is, and as selfish as it may sound, you want it to stay. He isnât yours, but you like the comfort of knowing that he isnât anyone elseâs, either.
If Cupid had a human counterpart, it would be Na Jaemin in reincarnated form. He may not have wings nor a bow and arrow, but he does have dedication and a gigantic mouth.
âI canât believe you called me over here for this,â you stand in an effort to leave, but Jaemin pulls you back down by your wrist, so you sigh, accepting that youâre stuck in the cafe and in the middle of a Jaem-terrogation.
âNot so fast, Sonic. You still havenât answered my question. I donât have all day, you know, I have other peopleâs business to be in,â he admits unabashedly, and you snort at his honesty.
Jaemin is an extremely shameless, extremely straightforward individual. He knows what he wants, how to get it, and the only time heâs afraid of letting someone know what heâs chasing for is when it interferes with his goal of obtaining said desire. He loves all things drama and gossip, and these are the lengths heâll go to squeeze information out of you. No wonder heâs one of the writers for the campus newspaper.
âI donât have feelings for Haechan,â you fiddle with your fork. âAnd even if I did, why would it matter? Haechan doesnât have feelings for me, either.â
âForgive me, but youâre a fucking dumbass,â Jaemin concludes, and you gasp in dramatic offense. âWhy would I be here if he didnât like you back, y/n? You know that he hasnât had anyone over in two weeks? Thereâs like, three things at the top of Haechanâs list of shit he needs to survive, and thatâs you, Tootsie Pops, and sex. Yet heâs gone two entire weeks without it. He likes you, really fucking bad.â
âGolly gee, Haechan hasnât fucked anyone in two entire weeks. He must be head over heels in love with me,â you deadpan, ignoring how Jaemin rolls his eyes in response. âBe serious, Jaem. He literally got this girlâs number the other day. The man said himself that he doesnât want to stick his dick in me. Thereâs nothing going on.â
Okay, so maybe Haechan is a raging sexaholic. Maybe heâs been a little horny recently. And maybe contact-full makeout sessions have been a reoccurrence in the past two weeks, but none of that matters, and he typically has extreme self control. Fresh as yesterday, he was definitely trying to get into Hopeâs pants. Itâs weightless, everything between you. It means absolutely nothing, and youâre trying to come to terms with the possibility that it never will. You wish your friends would accept the fact, too.
At least they donât know you and Haechan make out, and have been for the past four years. Theyâd be insufferable, and you two would absolutely never hear the end of it.
âY/n, please. Your biggest competition is those damn Tootsie Pops.â
âAnd if you told him that he had to live without me or the candy, heâd choose them over me any day.â
âActually, heâd tell me to fuck offâand stop asking him stupid questions. You canât tell me Iâm wrong because Iâm speaking from experience,â Jaemin grins, âI pushed the question until he gave me a proper answer. He chose you, by the way.â
You groan into your hands, âUnless you have some other evidence to provide besides this stupid question and him not getting laid in two weeks, youâre wasting my time here, Cupid.â
Jaemin sighs, âI thought I could pressure you into admitting your feelingsââ
âI donât have feelings for Haechan!â
ââthat you deny having, but I guess taking the high road doesnât work. Donât worry, I still have plan B. I mean, you should be worried, but itâs whatever.â
You blink. âPlan B?â
He ignores you, standing up and preparing to take his leave. Youâre still curious about whatever his alternative, backup plan is however, and he doesnât look like heâs going to tell you.
âJaemin!â You shriek. âWhat are you talking about?â
âFebruary 14th, Chenleâs party,â he answers vaguely, swinging his bag over his shoulders. âBe there, or be square. Whatever that means.â
He exits without another word, leaving you dumbfounded and with a sudden dread in your chest. They donât⊠know, do they? No, of course not. How could they? Youâve been keeping this secret for nearly four years, and the only people that know are Jungwoo and Dohwan.
Great. Another reason to dread the fourteenth, and despise Cupidâand his human counterpart, your actual mortal enemy.
âI know you like Regina George, but the dress code is Cady Heron.âï¿Œ
Bummer. You didnât exactly plan on attending as a sexy bunny in fishnets and knee-high boots, but you donât intend on wearing a Party City outfit, neither. Itâs only the 6th though, so you still have a week and some change to outfit plan.
You frown, âWhy the change? None of his past parties have had much of a dress code.â
âBecause Chenle is also stuck babysitting his baby brother on Valentineâs day while his parents are having a date night,â Haechan answers. âIâm not saying you have to dress like a prude, but donât dress like a slut, either.â
Ignoring the insinuation behind his words, you donât miss the fact he said also. âWhat do you mean also? Donât tell meâŠâ
âExactly what you think. Dad is whisking my stepmom away on a romantic evening date to only God knows where, and Jungwoo is busy with his girlfriend, so me being the sole single-pringle in the family gave him the bright idea to have me baby sit,â he explains, though he doesnât seem burdened by the task. âI donât really mind, though. Itâd be one thing if I planned on getting some pussy that night, but no oneâs smashing at a party where thereâs children. I hope not, at least.â
You wince at that. You hope not, too. Itâs a setback that you have to re-plan your outfit, but on the plus side, Haechan can and will help you decide this time, even if you have to force him.
So thatâs where you find yourself a couple hours later, your bedroom a mess as the aftermath of the meticulous care youâve put into your self-styling. Youâve narrowed it down to two outfit selections; option A, the white crop-top with the cute pink pants; or option B, the pretty and red mini-dress with stilettos. Itâs a little embarrassing that hours of your indecisiveness have led you to this conclusion, but you want to choose the perfect outfit thatâs also not overbearing.
âAnd I have to help you why?â
âBecause youâre my best friend, and thatâs what best friends are for, duh.â
Haechanâs favorite thing about your place is you have all his utmost favorite gamesâand that literally everything there is like a piece of you, from the decoration to the smell of your perfume bottles you keep in your bathroom. Heâd never tell you that, thoughâso he wasnât too enthusiastic about being interrupted from his video-gaming session. But then, he realized he gets a special preview of your Valentineâs day outfit, and Haechan loves the way you dress, probably an abnormal amount. Slutty or prude-y.
âThen whatâcha waiting for? Strip for me, princess,â he demands jokingly. It isnât normal for you to feel bashful by anything a guy says, but everything is so different with Haechan. Itâs the littlest, simplist things that drive you over the edge, that make you want him in ways you probably, scratch that, definitely shouldnât.
And all the questions, assumptions, and rumors regarding your nonexistent relationship with Haechan arenât exactly unwarranted. You two flirt and touch an abnormal amount, and while itâs common knowledge that Haechan is a touchy person, and youâre a natural flirt, people say itâs extreme between you two.
That makes you laugh. When it comes to the tension between you both that people speak of, you wish you could see what they see.
âYou want to watch me strip?â Youâre genuinely surprised, only the other day he seemed repulsed by the thought of you naked. âThatâs new. Iâm guessing you havenât gotten laid in a hot minute.â
Haechan rolls his eyes, silently confirming what Jaemin told you at the cafe, but you shake the thought away, refusing to let it spur you on. It doesnât mean anything. âAnyways. Youâve got nothing I havenât seen before, baby girl. Now, you gonna strip or what?â
âIâm stripping, Iâm stripping! Relax, Liam Payne!â Itâs really nothing he hasnât seen before, because Haechanâs seen naked girls, and heâs seen you half-naked before, so neither of you actually care. You peel off your top, slowly and in a strip tease sort of way and look him in the eye, giggling once you catch him shaking his head. You donât repeat the movement with your shorts though, simply taking them off and picking up your new shirt to slip it off the hanger.
Successfully discreet, Haechan wallows in the sight of you half-naked for as long as he can before youâre slipping on the crop top and the pink pants. Now that he thinks about it, he bought you those pants, and darn do they make your ass look good. Then he realizes heâs thinking about your ass and taking not as discreet looks at it, and shakes the thought away.
âSo?â Your voice cuts through the silence. âWhat do you think?â
He needs a moment to gather himself and recollect his thoughts, because he feels like turning on Destinyâs Childâs Bootylicious and if spoke his mind he would definitely say something heâd regret. Like, I could fuck the shit out of you. He doesnât think he should say that.
âWhat do you mean, what do I think? I bought you those pants, Iâd be damned if I thought you didnât look good in them,â Haechan supplies, making you roll your eyes in response.
âVery underwhelming reaction. I wanted you to fall out on the floor and pass out for a few seconds with your hand on your chest,â you pout.
âDefinitely not doing all that,â he chuckles. âBut you do look good enough for⊠somebody to do it. Anyways, itâs stripping time again. Get in that dress for me, princess.â
If he doesnât stop with the pet names youâre going to combust. You hide it though, taking off outfit option A and putting on option B. You feel confident in your appearance, with or without him, but the way Haechanâs practically gawking at you does boost said confidence.
âWhat about this one?â
Okay, so Haechanâs one-hundred percent biased in his decisionâor maybe he isnât, since he didnât buy this outfitâthough nonetheless, he loves this dress on you. In his personal opinion, youâll look good in anything you wear, but the way this particular dress hugs your figure perfectly is a bonus. He knows all eyes are going to be on you the moment you step inside Chenleâs house, and maybe heâs going to have to keep you and Dohwan close to his side.
Rather than replying verbally, Haechan walks forward and pulls you into a kiss. His hands dip around your waist, skirting the area until heâs gripping you like heâs afraid of letting go.
And as always, you melt into his lips. Like ice to the sun, or wax to a flame. Itâs the umpteenth kiss in your whole lifetime, but Haechan always makes it feel like the first time. Like two love-struck highschoolers, except with a lot more experience. Haechan kisses you like he loves you, and you hate it. You might even loathe it.
His fingers slip down your hips, to your revealed thighs, like he just so happens to know thatâs one of your weak spots. Luckily youâve learned some of his weak spots too, and not really thinking, you donât hesitate to aim for his most sensitive one - his neck. You canât get used to how beautiful he sounds as he moans, your lips pressing into his sweet spot and leaving undoubtedly a mark.
âFuck,â Haechan moans, âyouâre my kryptonite, you know that?â
âA kiss is all it takes for you to fold?â You gasp out with a smirk.
âShut up.â
Your grin widens. âMake me.â
Just as he leans in, about to pin you down to your duvet and kiss the life out of you while youâre thinking that maybe this is the tension people speak of, his phone rings in his back pocket. It feels like snapping out some trance or spell, like a reverse Cupidâs arrow, and he instantly backs off of you.
He takes a look at his phone screen. âI um, I gotta take this.â
Biting your lip, you nod. âOkay.â
âYou look great though,â he comments, and you smile thinly at him as he slips from between your fingertips yet again.
It seems that youâre left all alone, pathetically wet, and wondering if that person on the other line is Hope - but you try to shake that thought off.
Sighing, you flop against your sheets. Love is some extremely cruel, extremely rigged game that only lucky people win, and it seems that Luck has sided with the evil that is Cupid. Youâve been dealt cards, and Haechan refuses to show you his hand. All you can do is watch it play out.
Haechan knew that something was dangerously off when Jaemin bought him a brand-new bag of Tootsie Pops without being asked, and invited you over for a movie night with the guys, offering to open up with you and Haechanâs all-time favorite movie, Mean Girls. He even offered to play The Kissing Booth next! Everyone else instantly protested of course, but the fact he offered in the first place is borderline suspicious.
Sure, Jaeminâs not the devil or anything, depending on who you ask. Heâs⊠kind, and he can be a sweetheart. But Jaemin does nothing for free, and Haechan canât shake the thought that this is planned bribery. And it isnât hush-money. Jaemin doesnât buy silence, he buys words.
By the time Jaemin asks Haechan to help him with the popcorn, heâs ninety-nine point nine percent sure that something is definitely wrong here. Yet still, he follows him into the kitchen.
âAlright, whatâs up man?â Haechan wastes zero time, wanting to get to the bottom of all this. âI know you want something out of me. Thereâs no other reason you would offer to play The Kissing Booth, or buy me Tootsie Pops for free.â
Jaemin scoffs, but he doesnât try to front, âGlad you know. Since weâre on the same page, letâs address this thing with you and y/n.â
âThatâs what this is about?â Haechan grumbles. âIâve told you, I donât have feelings for her!â He whisper-yells.
Jaemin has heard that far too many times for it to be convincing. Heâs positive that even Helen Keller herself could tell you two are hopelessly in love. Takes one to know one, he thinks. It seems the three of you must be blind, because you and Haechan are oblivious to your feelings for one another, and itâs painfully obvious.
âAnd Mary wasnât a virgin,â Jaemin says ironically, making Haechan roll his eyes. âIf youâre not in love with her, then explain what the hell is going on between you two. I know that sheâs your best friend or whatever, but you donât act like it at all. From a fresh perspective, someone would totally think youâre in love.â
Haechan hates that heâs right. It doesnât make sense the amount of times youâve gone to public places and had cashiers refer to you as a couple, or elderly people ask you if youâre together. Because youâre not. Youâre best friends, and even if Haechan wants to be more than that, thatâs his label. And heâs sure heâs stuck with it for life.
âYouâre fucking Hope to distract yourself from your feelings for y/n,â Jaemin adds, and itâs a statement, not a question.
âIâm notââ
âYou are,â Jaemin interjects. âHead over heels, in love with a girl you think doesnât reciprocate your feelings, and youâre also being an ass to her, whether you know it or not.â
If Haechan was in a situation where he needed to simplify the reason you two click so well, heâd say chalk it up to compatibility and say itâs because youâre like a mirror of one another. Which also means he knows you, better than anyone else even, and he knows neither of you do the whole catching feelings things anymore. You like to fuck and flirt, and fuck some more, to avoid the fact that you love too hard. If you fuck people whose names you donât even remember, it doesnât mean a darn thing that you two make out.
No one really knows about that part yet. But they do know that you like to fuck, and thatâs why Haechan thinks that if heâs an ass, then that means so are you. What the fuck is he doing that you arenât?
Even if he is an ass, what is he supposed to do? Heâs only recently realized that damn, he actually does have feelings for you, which is where Hope comes along and yes, he is fucking her to distract himself from you. So what? Itâs not like itâs working, heâs still stuck on you, obsessed with the thought of you, craving your touch and the sound of your voice. He still loves you, and itâs so scary because no matter what his friends say, he thinks they donât know you or your relationship like he does. They think they do, but they donât.
âIâm not in love,â Haechan lies through his teeth, âmaybe Iâm in like.â
Jaemin snorts. In like? Thatâs the stupidest thing heâs ever heard. Not in love his fucking ass. âYouâre in denial, thatâs what you are.â
Haechan grumbles, trying desperately not to raise his voice so that the others donât hear him from the living room, âEven if I did like herâand Iâm telling you, I donâtâit wouldnât change anything because she doesnât like me.â
âYou two are the same breed of oblivious and stupid,â Jaemin takes the popcorn out of the microwave, pouring it all into a bowl. Heâs even laughing, much to Haechanâs confusion, but heâs apparently unbothered by Haechanâs lack of confession, âbut fine. Lie to my face. I still have a backup plan.â
âA back-up plan?â Haechan repeats, lost.
âI just thought it would be nice of me to try and get you to confess before I have to work a Valentineâs day miracle, but unfortunately you two are a match made in heavenâboth terribly stubborn,â Jaemin says vaguely, not really answering Haechanâs question, âso I guess weâll all know the truth at Chenleâs party.â
Jaemin exits with the popcorn bowls before Haechan can even part his lips to ask another question, and he stands there, shocked and unsure of how to react. Heâs concerned, though. Jaemin has something cooking (besides the popcorn), and he isnât sure what, but itâs Na fucking gossiping blabbermouth Jaemin. That means it canât be anything good.
So apparently when you and Haechan had that heated makeout session the other day, you left a trail - or in other words, you marked his neck the fuck up.
You hadnât noticed because he covered it up with concealer, but youâre in the middle of another one of those when he stops you, preventing you from repeating your mistake.
âYou canât do that. People will see,â Haechan frowns. You wonder whatâs the problem with hickeys. Is he embarrassed? No way. Haechan? Embarrassed? About hickeys? He has much bigger fish to fry.
In contrast, youâre over the moon. Even if he isnât yours, marking him up makes you feel like he belongs to you. Plus, other people will see, and theyâll know that he isnât theirs, either. Haechan also has a beautiful neck, you realize as you stare at his skin. It makes you wonder if thereâs anything about him that isnât beautiful.
âWould that be so bad?â You ask. âYouâd look sexy all marked up by me.â
Haechan groans, âDo you ever think with your head and not your pussy?â
âI wish my pussy was my head. My headâs just so full of you,â you sigh dramatically.
Itâs rare for Haechan to blush, but you somehow manage to make him full-on flush sometimes and you take that as an achievement. Itâs partially the reason you love flirting with him so much, heâs so reactive. His reactions are cute sometimes.
âBe serious for 5 seconds,â he whines, and you giggle.
âI was serious,â you insist, âbut fine, Iâll think with my head since yours is clearly not working. No oneâs gonna assume theyâre from me, Hyuck. Just tell them theyâre from one of your hoes.â
âI know, but itâs not them Iâm worried about. Itâs, umâŠâ he trails off.
Youâre confused, blinking. If not your friends, then who on earthâoh, for fucks sake.
âItâs Hope,â you utter tonelessly.
âYeah, uh, yeah,â he wonders why you suddenly sound so dry, and then the whole grocery shopping thing seeps back into his mind. You obviously donât like Hope, and itâs not just you, really. Lots of people donât like her. But Haechan needs a pretty face to compete with the image of yours in his head, even if it isnât winning. âShe kinda likes me, andââ
âDo you like her?â You donât mean to ask so fast. It slips, like your mouth has a mind of its own.
Haechan shrugs. No, he doesnât like her. He likes you, but he thinks that maybe he can somehow convince himself itâs the other way around. So he replies, âMaybe.â
Fuck. You try not to appear suddenly devoid of life, forcing a cheery smile. âThatâs⊠nice,â you lie through your teeth. âLet me take this opportunity to have one last kiss before I possibly never will again?â
Haechan snickers, to silently say as if. He isnât wrong for it, either. One kiss is never one kiss with him â never has been, never will be. Thereâs a reason you both bonded over bombing a math exam.
D-day rolls around, and youâre eyeing your frame in your full-length mirror, smoothing your palms over your dress as you give yourself a quick once-over before the clock strikes 7PM. You look like that bitch, and everyone in that party is going to fucking know it because youâre going to walk in there like that bitch. Fuck Cupid. You donât need his stupid bow. And fuck Haechan, too. Heâs your ride, but heâs gonna ditch you at some point in the party like he always does. Itâll be no different now, and this time, youâll be the first one to leave.
The chime of the doorbell jolts you from your mental slumber, and you quickly reach for your purse then head towards the door with a heavy heartbeat. You know heâs already seen you in this dress, he chose it for fucks sake, but thereâs something else that gets your heart racingâno. You canât think about him. Fuck Haechan, remember? Heâs no good for you.
âHere goes nothing,â you mutter to yourself, palm on the doorknob, âyou can do this.â
Haechanâs sucks in a breath the moment you open the door. You look gorgeous. You always do, but in this particular moment, you look better than you ever have before. Those corny romance sayings usually make him laugh with mirth, but heâs genuinely convinced you look better everyday that he sees you. All dressed up like this, or not.
âYou look so pretty, Auntie!â Dohwan beats him to a compliment.
You bend down to ruffle the boyâs hair, âThank you, Dohwan. You look very handsome.â And then you look at Haechan.
He looks handsome as well, unfortunately. Jet black hair, exposed forehead, and his outfit is black with red hearts in the center of the shirt. You try not to pay him too much mind, but your heart and the place between your thighs donât seem to agree with your mind. He catches you looking at him, and feels a twinge of anxiousness in his heart. Get it together, man, he tells himself. Lee Donghyuck doesnât get nervous looking at pretty girls. Lee Donghyuck doesnât hesitate about his actions, either, wondering if he should hold your hand, he doesnât rethink what he should say. It all comes to him naturally.
âYeah, you look beautiful,â he settles, mentally cursing himself for being unable to think of anything else. He blames you. Ever since you first snuck in his mind, youâve been living rent-free there, and make it hard to think about anything else sometimes. Thatâs why he thought that needed distractions.
If you could relay the message to your heart, youâd tell it stop beating. Instead, you mask your emotion, smiling. âThank you, likewise. Now câmon, we gotta get there by 7:30!â
Haechanâs saddened by the dismissal, but you donât catch his face as you walk to his car.
If you ignore him, you can do this.
Haechan cannot do this.
Something isnât right. It wasnât right the second he noticed you gave him a simple, rushed compliment, not bothering to make some sexual remark that usually makes Haechanâs cheeks feel like fire. You didnât even kiss him before you got in the car. And Haechanâs sure youâve been avoiding him like the plague, scurrying off and getting lost in the red and pink sea before he could even ask you if you wanted to check out the drink menu.
He doesnât know where you are, and that haunts him. Turns out Chenle is paying Yangyang, Ten and Jisung to keep the kids entertained on one end of the house, whilst the adults do adult-y things on the other. You could be with someone else for all he knows, hell, you probably are. He was practically fuming when he saw some people staring at you as you walked in.
âUh oh, I think y/n divorced Haechan,â Chenle jokes, and a choir of laughs follows suit.
Haechan grumbles, âA guy canât miss his girl best friend?â
âOf course, you can,â Chenle drawls, âbut everyone knows sheâs more than just a friend to you. Like even if you arenât together, thereâs no way you guys donât have feelings for each other.â
âRight? And theyâre so cute together, too. A literal match made in heaven by angel Cupid,â Jaemin agrees, speaking as though Haechan isnât right there.
âYouâre dating y/n?â gasps Karina, overhearing Jaemin much to Haechanâs dismay. Oh, great, sheâs as much as a blabbermouth as he is. The whole worldâs going to think Haechanâs dating you in five minutes or less.
âNo!â
âYes, he is, spread the word,â Jaemin says, already knowing he doesnât have to tell her. Karinaâs mumbling I knew it under her breath before jogging somewhere.
âYou know,â Haechan starts, downing a shot because if heâs not at least tipsy heâs going to die at this party, âsheâs been making me watch murder documentaries with her and Iâve definitely picked up a thing or two. Iâd be careful.â
Jaemin scoffs, âPlease. Youâre going to be kissing my ass and the ground that I walk on by the time this partyâs over.â
There it goes. Haechan wonders whatâs so special about tonight that Jaeminâs been hinting at vaguely. Itâs been keeping him on his toes, but he doesnât ask because he knows Jaemin, and he isnât going to tell him a thing. The one time this guy wants to keep something secret.
An hour flies by, and Haechan still hasnât seen you. Heâs looked for you, and refuses to believe his eyes are somehow missing you, even though youâre in a crowd. He literally went up the stars and gazed over the railing for a better view, and you were no where to be found. Youâve refused to answer your phone, too, and Haechan doesnât know what to do. He would just start talking to some random chick, but thatâs not what Haechan wants. He doesnât want some random chick. He wants to be with you. Hold you. Touch you. Kiss you, with no shame, no fear, in front of everyone, and he isnât in denial about it. He wants you.
And Jaemin is fed up.
âAlright, Iâm tired of you moping around drinking like a divorced man. Letâs go to the kitchen,â Jaemin suggests. Or commands, but still.
Haechan quirks a brow. âWhere thereâs nothing but more drinks?â
âTrust me, Iâm not letting you drink anymore tonight. You have a wife and a kid to drive home,â Jaemin jokes. Usually heâd deny any sort of relationship with you that isnât best-friendship, but Haechan simply shakes his head, following his friend and roommate into the kitchen.
Then he sees you, and his jaw doesnât just drop, but it falls flat on the ground, bounces a little, and comes back down. Youâre clinging to Chenleâs side with a confused face, equally as surprised to see him, though not very delighted.
âWhatâs going on?â
âWhatâs going on?â
You stare at one another.
âStop copying me!â
âStop copying me!â
Jaemin and Chenle stare at one another, then stare at you two staring at one another, and stare at one another again.
âI hate to interrupt your⊠stare-off, but thereâs a reason we brought you two here,â Jaemin interjects, making you two finally split gazes as you stare at him, confused.
âWhich is?â
âWhich is?â
You glare at him. Jaeminâs success was short-lived, it seems.
âDrum roll, please,â he says, and Chenle begins tapping against the counter, âDohwan!â
Suddenly, Dohwan pops up from around the corner. Heâs on the completely wrong side of the house, and while heâs under adult supervision, you still wonder why heâs here.
You blink. âWhatâs he doing here?â
Jaemin smirks. âIâm glad you asked. Dohwan tells me heâs witnessing some very interesting sights of the two of you. Go ahead and tell us what you saw, kiddo.â
âI saw Haechan and Auntie y/n kissing, like mommy and daddy do!â Dohwan shares, grimacing in disgust. If you werenât practically fearing for your life right now, youâd probably laugh at his reaction.
âAnd how often do you see this?â Chenle adds.
âUmâŠâ the kid ponders, âevery time Auntie y/n comes over. I heard them say they wanted to keep it a secret from me, but theyâre not very good at it.â
Haechan shoots you a panicked look, and youâre wearing the exact same one. By the time you realize that this is what Jaeminâs been hinting at this whole time, itâs much too late. Your secret has been exposed to the worst people ever, and now theyâre definitely going to think youâre dating. ï¿Œ
âThank you for your input, Dohwan,â Jaemin smiles, then turns to look at you and Haechan. Youâre both frozen and stiff, unsure of how to respond. âSo, anything to say about this?â
âIt doesnât mean anything,â Haechanâs quick to say. You hope no one catches the way your face falters with hurt for a split second. âIf you want me to be honest, then fine, I will. Yeah, we kiss. Weâve been kissing since high school, but it didnât mean anything then and it doesnât mean anything now. We just, I donât know, do it for fun.â
Chenle deadpans, âSo you just kiss for pure, innocent fun.â
âExactly,â Haechan nods. âIt means nothing.â
It means something to me, you think to yourself, and when you notice the silence in the room, you gaze up to see everyoneâs eyes on you, Haechanâs a little wide. Oh, fuck.
âI said that aloud, didnât I?â
âYep,â Jaemin grins. He was right. âIs there something you want to share with the class?â
Stupidly, you decide to look at Haechan, and heâs re-lost his composure, frozen up and stiff all over again. Your heart is pounding harder than it has been all night. Itâs partially the alcohol, but you can feel it in your veins and all around you. It wonât leave you alone, and looking at Haechan, itâs faster, as if to say heâs the one I want.
So you choose to make another decision that you might possibly regret, but you have to get this off your chest. It isnât news to anyone but Haechan anyways.
âDonghyuck,â you start, and he knows itâs getting serious because you just said his government name. You literally never call him by his government name. âI know we agreed to keep things platonic, and for it to mean nothing, but I want you. Like really, really bad. I think Iâno, everyoneâs right, I really am, extremely in love with you. If you donât feel the same I understand, I just had to get this off my cheââ
You arenât given the chance to finish before Haechan swoops you in his arms, reaching for your waist as he pulls you into a kiss. Thereâs a chorus of cheers from Chenle and Jaemin, followed by a shriek of disgust from Dohwan as he covers his eyes, but you two arenât trying to hide anymore, you want to scream from the rooftops that youâre in love. Yes, the infamous Lee Donghyuck and y/n know more than flirting and fucking. Youâre in love, drunk off of a sip of it and the taste of Haechanâs lips, and god, has kissing your best friend never felt better.
âLetâs give the newlywed couple some privacy now,â Jaemin says with a grin. Gosh, he really is the spawn of Cupid, but you have to thank him. This wouldnât be happening if it wasnât for his stupid âgotcha!â plan. âYou two work this out.â
The three of them pile out, and you and Haechan part from one another to breathe. You stay in comfortable silence for a moment, his hands slipping into yours.
âYour hands are sweating,â you comment after a while.
âItâs hot.â
âItâs the middle of February.â
âSo? Global warming is real, you know,â Haechan shrugs, refusing to acknowledge the fact that his hand is sweating because heâs nervous. Heâs accepted that you make him feel all warm inside and his heart feel like mush, but he still isnât used to not hiding the way you make him feel.
You laugh but donât press things. âNewlywed couple, huh. Canât be, you still havenât popped the question.â
âYeah?â He laughs, too. âThen will you take my hand in marriage and take me as your illegally wedded husband?â
You hum, pretending to contemplate, âHmm, I donât know. You sure you donât wanna marry a giant cardboard Tootsie Pop cutout? Or what about that girl? What happened to her, by the way, I thought you said you liked her.â
Haechan groans, not really wanting to think about her right now, âNo more Hope. Ironically, sheâs a lost cause. I had to cut shit with her because she canât comprehend what a fling is. She wanted a relationship, and you know, I lied to you when I said that I might want her. I didnât know you liked me back until, like, now, so I was just saying shit in hopes of convincing myself I could stop liking you. That planned failed, though.â
His words lift a massive weight off of your shoulders, and you finally feel like you can breathe now. Take that, bitch, you think with a smirk. She was giggling in your face so hard at the grocery store, but youâre having the last laugh.
You tilt your head. âWhat about the Tootsie Pops?â
âYeah, sorry but I canât give them up as easily. Would you mind a Tootsie Pop bouquet?â
Gosh, this is the man you love. You roll your eyes, but smile as you reply, âYou know, youâre like a Tootsie Pop.â
If Haechan were a dog, his ears would perk up right now. âHow come?â
âIâll never know how long Iâll be able to kiss you without wanting to fuck you,â you lean in his ear to purr, voice tickling his neck. You eye it and his lips, and lord knows you canât wait to finally be able to mark him up again.
âYeah? Wanna go home, put Dohwan to sleep, and let me take this dress off you?â He grips at your waist, his hand resting there with the burning urge to dip lower. He bites his lip.
âThought you drew the line at sticking your dick in me,â you joke.
âThat was when I was in denial about wanting you,â Haechan whispers, âbut now I can admit to myself that even though you amazing in this dress, I wanna take it off of you. Your bodyâs perfect.â
âI kinda hate the scar on my thigh.â
âDonât. It provides depth to your character. It makes someone wonder how you got it, the story of how it happened,â he answers, ever so deeply.
âPoetic,â you snort, âcanât tell if youâre giving me Bruno Mars or John Legend vibes more right now.â
Haechan rolls his eyes, smiling. âYou said youâd never know how long youâd be able to kiss me without dying to fuck me, right?â
âI never said dying.â
He ignores you, âThen letâs put it to the test, shall we?â
Your lips wind up pressed firmly to his, with your hands on his cheek and his palms on your hips yet again. Itâs fiercer than ever, Haechanâs kissing you like he doesnât want to let you breathe, like he wants to stay in this moment with you forever. He kisses you with love and lust, with passion and desire, with emotion and no more fear in his chocolate-y eyes. You donât regret kissing Haechan that day. It took a while, but it brought you to this moment where you can finally call him yours. And that one more kiss stuff is bullshit. His lips are yours and vice versa, and as youâre by each otherâs side, youâll never stop kissing him. And heâll never stop kissing you.
âTheyâre here!â Karina suddenly bursts into the kitchen, pointing at you and Haechan. âLook! I told you they were dating!â
Oh, god. You totally forgot about Karinaâs stupid bet with Mark. Mark looks entirely devastated and surprised, devastated because thatâs twenty-five bucks gone from his wallet, and surprised because he genuinely believed you and Haechan have been best friends this whole time. Technically, he isnât wrong, but youâre not sure if you want to interrupt to tell them that.
Mark whines, âOh, câmon! I really thought you guys were just friends.â
âPay up, loser,â Karina smirks, and with a pout, Mark pulls cash from his pockets.
Haechan looks at you, and while you donât say anything, you can tell youâre both thinking the exact same thing. The whole campus is about to know you two are dating. Karinaâs for sure going to tell everyone she knows, hell, probably even people she doesnât know, and thereâs a ninety-nine point nine percent chance of Jaemin raining your business on everyone in his latest report for the school newspaper.
You canât say that you care, though. This is what you wanted, to unashamedly love Haechan, to be able to state it proudly in front of everyone, to let everyone know, to claim him as yours and yours only. So fuck Cupid. Fuck his bow, fuck his arrow, because this relationship is all a product of you and Haechanâs hard work and dedication.
Who needs Cupidâs bow when you have tasty lips and Tootsie-Pops?
âYouâre telling me youâve been in love with me for the past four years? Oh, youâre a soldier. I would have given up in the first month.â
You snort. Part of becoming Haechanâs girlfriend is the process of telling one another the secrets youâve been keeping, such as how long you can been in love. Haechanâs been in love with you for a solid year, he thinks, maybe two, but itâs been almost four years for you, on the other hand.
âIf only it were that easy,â you sigh. âTrust me, I tried getting over you by getting under other peopleâhow Jessie Reyez of meâbut that didnât work out, obviously.â
âYou are too much like me,â Haechan shakes his head. âWhat made you think we should anyways?â
âYou mean, four years ago, or now?â
Haechan shrugs. âEither. Give me three reasons.â
âOh, brace yourself. I could do a presentation on this. One, we know each otherâs McDonaldâs orders. Two, like you said, weâre very alike. When have we ever argued over pizza toppings?â You reason. âThree, I canât imagine kissing anybody else. I mean, weâve basically been practicing on each other for the past four years. Iâm the reason you can kiss so good, it would insane for you make out with other people. Four, I have a fat ass and sometimes I catch you staring atââ
âI said three reasons!â Haechan cries, face blooming red as a rose.
âI could go for a fifth,â you grin, âweâre both terrible at math.â
âDamn right we are,â he mutters. âBut thatâs what makes us⊠us, isnât it? The only reason weâre dating right now is because we couldnât resist kissing each other after one time.â
Heâs right. It practically only took one kiss to fall in love with Haechan. Heâs giving you major Dua Lipa vibes right now.
âI know youâre thinking about that Dua Lipa song right now.â
You smirk. âYou know me very well.â
He tilts his head. âAnd what else are you thinking about?â
âThat you look like all I need,â you say in tune, making Haechan laugh. âAnd I just want to feel your skin on mine.â
âThen we should do something about that, right?â Haechan smirks back.
Youâre kissing the smirk right off his lips seconds later, and this is where you decide that you just canât get enough of him. Even if one kiss is all it takes, youâre greedy for more, and more, and more, until both your lips are swollen and youâre both gasping for air.
Request: "Hyuck as bf with a noona!! but he's dom in bed and a sunshine in front of others hahaha"
Pairing: bf!Haechan x f!reader
Genre: Fluff, Smut, romance
W.C: 1.5k
Warnings: Explicit themes, DOM!Hyuck, sub!reader, Noona gf and younger bf, nipple play, kissing, crying, begging(not literally), Hyuck being sarcastic as usual and Mark as third wheel lol.
Networks: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity
Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated. Enjoy a little fic on my Hyuck.
MINORS DONT INTERACT UNDER THE CUE! ð
His Noona.
You have been always referred as his noona. He has always been a nerdy and bright student all his life and you are always standing proudly beside him with a bright smile on your face for his success. Well whatever he achieves, his first intention is to go to a bakery shop to buy a cake and then your favorite flowers and hurriedly make a run to your apartment to give you the news and celebrate.
You have adored him, well also admired him a lot since then. His bestfriend or his only hyung, Mark Lee who was your classmate made it possible to you to meet him first time. one day when you were hanging out with in Mark's house. Haechan also came who bought some snacks and when he entered the door, his eyes locked with yours.
First he was so awkward and smiling at you timidly but the moment you smiled, as if something inside him shifted.
"You are so pretty, Noona." He sat beside you and leaned back into the sofa. When you felt his presence beside you and his compliment made you smile, you turned towards him, his eyes were already on you.
"Aw...Hyuck, thank you. I'm glad to get such a compliment from my little one."
He smirked at you and you already know that something stupid was going to spit out his mouth. Before he could speak a single word, you pushed a slice of pizza into his mouth.
He grumbled at your action while chewing it and you laughed at him loudly.
The thing you didn't notice was that his lustrous eyes with a little smile in the corner of his lips were staring at you.
He is a bright sunlight in the trio of you, him and Mark. The younger one is sometimes so cocky and sarcastic that he won't let anything to get slide without making a stupid remark.
You have babied him a lot. You always look after him like he was your little brother and when you gradually became his bestfriend. You both were like inseparable ones. You also got to know about his clingy side. Him whining for your attention all the times and then when you push him away jokingly, he would give you a hurt look.
Sometimes you are really surprised with his sudden change in mood.
"Don't tell me you are sulking because I didn't take you to the cafe." You raised your brows at him from across the room.
As soon as he nodded, your eyes went wide.
"Mark was busy yesterday and when I thought to go to your place, you were not there."
"You know my place?"
"Yeah. I have once followed Mark." He stayed proudly, leaving you in disbelief.
"Don't say anything more. You are creeping me out."
He laughed when you cupped your cheek and turned towards the laptop.
Even if he is making up the fact that he got to know your address being a stalker behind Mark. He is actually more than that. To your oblivion he has been all around you for a while. He knows everything about you, things which you yourself is unaware of.
As the days went on, you both grew closer together and Mark got to get a hold of the tensions between you both. He is always being aware of Haechan's feelings towards older girls and he was quite shock when you two get along with each other and started being best friends.
He didn't know about you and seeing you were so friendly with younger guy surprised him but when one day you both confessed to each other and of course keeping the older one as third wheeling in between. He was sure that both of your life was going to take a turn.
Even though Haechan is younger but you can still feel his possessiveness and dominance over you. You didn't mind the sudden change of his moods and you used to shrug it off as a way of ignoring but this sparked an intense energy in him.
"You didn't tell me that you are going to attend the party. I could have come along with you. Or are you just keeping something secret?"
You frowned at the thought, "what secret? And it's just a reunion party with my friends. What to tell you about it, nothing."
"Y/n." After you both have started dating, he calls you by your name but still he uses the word Noona very often but hearing your name in this sudden tone made you gulp. "Is Renjun coming to the party?"
And you know why. You nodded slowly when he suddenly smirked and cockily walked away.
His actions and other activities were still similar from his teenage days and let's add his possessive tendencies over his girlfriend and that's you.
If he is laughing with his friends group, of course he is the mood maker of the group and the one to annoy everyone with his sassy little comments. But a single remark about you will snap him out. He won't show it in front, maybe he will.
One day he grabbed Renjun's collar when he addressed that you could be his girlfriend instead and it would have been better. He snickered when he saw the reaction on Haechan's face.
Apart from the bubbly Haechan, the sunshine. There's something else to notice about him that is his other side, Hyuck.
Just the opposite to his appearance in public.
Even though he looks like a lovely guy when hanging out with you or spending time with you in the living room. You can't really match the two persons â- Haechan in public and Hyuck behind the closed doors of bedroom.
"Haechanâ"
"It's Hyuck...noona." He chuckled when he hovered on top of you. Your throat already being rough with earlier activities and hearing him calling you Noona made you clench around nothing.
He was enjoying the sight of you being so impatient and your hooded eyes staring at him, literally begging at him.
"Aw...Noona...won't you scold me?" He flicked a nipple making you moan and squirm under his hold. You shook your head as your hands were already tied to the headboard.
"Use your words." He leaned forwards and whispered in your ears, "Noona..." he breathed out the word, goosebumps spread over your body and you whined for him.
His breaths hitting against your heated and over sensitive skin and getting bruised by his attacks with hickeys and kisses.
You previously like earlier days in the relationship were a lot nervous about him in sexual activities. Even if you are the older one but you can't take control over him because you are so shy about having the intimacy with him. But, don't worry because the menace was waiting for this exact opportunity to get hold of and finally he got it when he got to know that his only Noona who is daring to everything is nothing but a shy and sub to him.
"Hyuck...please I can't." Tears slid down from side of your eyes and he kissed the tearline before putting his attention on the breasts. Your body arch into his warm and torturous mouth but filling you up with the pleasures.
"Have patience, Noona...don't wanna get punished, right?" He snuggled his face down into your chest.
You shook your head roughly and soon you felt him teasing your entrance but he quickly pushed down your hip still to the bed and laughed at your whines.
You cried with the unbearable pleasure and his laughter filled the room.
"Please..." you mumbled something after it but his rough kiss muffled the words into his mouth. The intense yet a sweet kiss filled with passion, love and longing made you yearning for more when he broke it apart, saliva lining both your lips.
When you will be distracted, he would take it as the chance to finally enter you and push himself inside of yours into every corner, stretching every inch of your skin until you are begging and crying for him to stop.
It makes you wonder sometimes how he is the younger one and you the older one.
"No more Haechan please...please..."
"Yes, Noona?"
He will act as if he can't hear you but oops he is not having any intention to stop when he got the taste of you and feeling so good when you are tightly wrapped around him.
And he will repeatedly call you 'Noona' to make you come for the nth time that night.
synopsis: at this point of your pathetically unrequited crush on your popular friend, it didnât faze you when you found out that he wasnât going to be at the same NYE party as you. but when he suddenly turned up to come find you, did you start wondering that maybe you werenât the only one with harboured feelings.
pairing: mark x reader
genre: friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff
word count:Â 2.3k
warnings: swearing, drunkenness/mentions of drinking and partying, the word sex was said once
note: lmao the way iâve literally had this idea in my wip documents since like last year⊠anyways, hereâs a little soft boi mark to start off your year <33 happy new year everyone!!
It didn't really make much sense.
Well, according to the resident drunkards Haechan and Chenle that is, being sober on New Years Eve.
Or any house party for that matter.
"It's literally free alcohol Y/N, why not make the most of it?" Haechan protested, cracking open another can of Jack and Coke, letting out a satisfied hum after hearing the bubbles fizzing up to the rim of the lid.
"Cause some people want a functioning liver by the age of thirty Lee Donghyuck," You rolled your eyes at the tipsy boy, clicking your tongue in disapproval as he downed the alcoholic drink in his hand, "And actually be able to recall all the not stupid things I did the night before."
"What? Like accidentally telling our little Markie boy that you're head over heels for him?" Donghyuck fired back, shaking the last droplets of the drink into his mouth before chucking it in the kitchen bin, "He's not even with us tonight!"
Unfortunately for you, the little devil man dressed as your best friend was right. Mark Lee was nowhere to be found at the party, though you couldn't complain as you were already notified of his absence last Wednesday.
You and your group of friends sat basking in the sunlight outside on the picnic benches of the park, taking in the rare appearance of the sun within the rainy week.
"What do you mean you're not coming to Lele's?!" Donghyuck squabbled, letting his burger fall onto the wrapper with a thud.
Mark merely shrugged, guiltily scratching the nape of his neck, "Johnny had already invited me two weeks ago and I said I was gonna go, sorry guys."
You frowned at the boy's statement, swirling the fry that you had stolen from Jisung's tray into the ketchup tub.
Though Mark was an important member of your high school friend group, it was hard to align your meet ups with his hectic schedule. Sometimes you couldn't seem to understand your crush in question, how he managed to juggle his school work alongside the university basketball team, internship plus a somewhat abundant social life was a mystery in itself.
Mark Lee was a relatively popular figure at your school, good looks, a chill and caring personality and godly talented at everything he did. It was no surprise that his inbox was flooded with invitations all the time let alone the holiday break.
Despite this, he always made sure to keep in touch with you, checking in with you about how your day had been or if he's lucky to squeeze in an ice cream run by the beach with you, which you very much appreciated and made your heart swell just a little bit too much than the average person, not that he ever needed to know.
As if he sensed your disappointment within the group's chaotic wails and cries, Mark reached over to give your hand a little squeeze, sending you an apologetic glance.
It was things like this which made up your hopelessly harboured feelings for the Canadian, making you think that it wasn't just you that had pathetically pined over him but being the nice guy that he was, probably treated others the same way.
Jaemin and Renjun though seemed to argue otherwise, whining to tell the clueless boy about your feelings, saying that there's no way that he wouldn't like you back before you quickly shushed them, snapping to keep their delusions in their heads.
"Hello? Earth to Y/N?" A voice broke you from your thoughts, causing you to peer up from your seated position on the couch, eyes trailing up the body of a boy to meet an amused Jeno.
He held out your phone, his cheeky grin growing exponentially the more you stared at his hands in confusion.
"Lover boy texted," He finally explained, nonchalantly chucking the device onto your lap, "Figured you'd want to know."
You grumbled, throwing the nearest pillow at the boy in which he barely dodged as he chuckled at your embarrassment, slipping off to the kitchen, most likely reporting the incident to his best friend.
Rolling your eyes, you unlocked your phone to find a couple missed calls from Johnny, unsent message notifications from Yuta and Mark's little message.
markie: hey :)
you: hi!! how's johnny's?
markie: too loud, yuta kept tryinhg to kisss me and johnny keeps bullyibg me
markie: so i left
You giggled at his poor attempts at coherent sentences, covering your mouth with your hand to avoid the potential teasing from your friends.
You've seen Mark drunk a couple times, mostly at Johnny's parties after finals week. He was a cute drunk, clinging onto your figure rambling on about things which you couldn't quite decipher, in turn making him an easy target for the playful teasing from his seniors.
Which now that you thought about it, explained the random notifications from Johnny and Yuta, the two culprits behind most if not all of Mark's misery.
you: mark, are you drunk?
markie: no, im repsinsible heh
markie: you're still at lele's right?
As you started to type your response, a loud groan was made from the left of the couch, causing you to switch your attention from your phone screen to Donghyuck sitting cross legged on the timber floors with Renjun, who was holding the infamous vomit bucket in front of his mouth, disgust ridden over his face.
"How much did he have tonight?" Jisung asked, almost horrified by the older boy's pitiful state from across the room. His eyes quickly darted back to the array of party mix lollies and the lukewarm pizzas displayed on the dining table, as unidentifiable contents threatened to spill from Donghyuck's mouth.
"We've already lost count," Jaemin resonated from the kitchen, his voice slightly drowned out by the rushing water, "Lele's isn't doing much better either, he's currently occupying the toilet bowl instead of the bucket."
You shook your head, silently chuckling at your best friends' suffering.
you: i am
you: lele and hyuck's drunk as fuck
you: they're currently hurling their guts out
you: one using the vomit bucket, one using the toilet bowl
markie: those idiots hahahah
markie: btw could u come outisde for a sex
markie: *sev
markie: fuck
markie: *sec
you: pfft and u said u weren't drunk
you: also, ur outside?!?!?
markie: shut up im fine i djust cant type rn
you: lol whatever u say markie
you: i'll be out in a sec
You sat up from the couch, quietly squeezing past the crowd formed around the unfortunate boy and up the stairs.
Slipping on Jaemin's drunkenly bought La Coste slides, you swung open the door. A shiver slivered up the small of your back as the cool breeze hit your bare arms, a contrast from the warm stuffy atmosphere from inside.
You spotted Mark standing by the gates of Chenle's house, the dim street light illuminating his facial features, making him look more ethereal than he already was. With a little smile tugging at the corners of your lips, you began making your way towards him.
The sound of gravel shuffling from underneath your feet caused Mark to whip his head around to face you, he was pretty certain that most of the alcohol in his system had disappeared on the walk from Johnny's house but why was it that as soon as he saw you happily skipping down the path, greeting him with the sweetest smile that made him feel so euphoric?
"I can't believe you came!" You exclaimed, bringing him into a warm embrace.
His reply came in the form of a shy laugh, tickling the back of your neck with his breath.
He held you in his arms for a few minutes, with only the occasional squawks from inside breaking the comforting silence.
"Can you believe it's already the new year?" You whispered in awe, pulling away from his body to face him.
"Yeah dude that's insane, it feels like this year went by so quickly," Mark replied, adding his favourite form of endearment to the start, "Do you think you're ready for it to be over?"
You pondered for a few seconds, reflecting back on all the events that occurred within the past year before shrugging your shoulders, "I'm not sure."
"Don't get me wrong, this years been great but I feel like due to school, work and whatever, I wasn't able to fulfil all the things I wanted to do."
Mark nodded his head at your words, resonating with every word.
You always seemed to have the right things to say to him, always so understanding about his hectic schedule but never failing to let him know that he was missed whenever he couldn't make his friend's gatherings. It was things like this which caused the gradual course of his feelings for you.
For a while, Mark believed that he had made his crush on you subtle, not overly flirting or showering you in gifts in front of your friends. But one friendly reminder from Jaemin about his drunk habit of becoming a koala and latching onto you as if his life depended on it, broke his oblivious bubble. He quickly realised that many people had caught on, with some making it more obvious than others.
"I'm telling you, she likes you back bro!" He remembered Johnny exclaiming a few hours back with Yuta nodding enthusiastically as he half hazardously sipped on his beer.
Mark, Johnny and Yuta were situated in the secluded areas of the host's bedroom, with the party hammering hard downstairs. He wasn't too sure how he had ended up on his bed getting lectured by his two teammates about love pestering him to confess his feelings.
"C'mon, just text her saying to meet up," Yuta encouraged, handing him his phone to unlock, "You saw what happens when Johnny and I have our phones."
Mark pinched the bridge of his nose, remembering the sheer panic he had felt when the older boys dialled your number on their phones a few moments back, threatening to spill his secret before he had lunged at their figures wrestling to press the red hang up button.
"You literally have the best excuse to kiss her tonight," Johnny huffed, flopping down on his bed with arms crossed, "It's New Year's Eve."
"No way dude," Mark flatly responded, slapping his phone against his forehead, "What if she doesn't like me?"
"As if a girl would ever reject you," Yuta snorted, nudging the sides of his arms with his elbow, "Now hurry up and text her you fool."
And here he was, standing in front of you in the middle of the gravel pathway, with his face flushed.
Though whether it was due to the alcohol or whether it was the thought of kissing you tonight, he wasn't too sure. But taking into account his palpitating heart in his chest as he waited anxiously for midnight, it seemed to lean towards the latter.
"Sorry for rambling on," You scratched the base of your neck, hoping you didn't talk his ear off.
Mark frantically waved his arms around, shaking his head.
A muffled shriek awfully similar to Chenle's interrupted your conversation, startling both you and Mark as you whipped your heads back to the house. It remained quiet for a few seconds before a range of shouts counting down from ten resonated shortly after.
You giggled, turning around to focus on Mark's smiling face once again as the both of you joined in.
"Three," Mark cleared his throat, wiping his clammy hands on the sides of his ripped jeans.
"Two," He grabbed onto your hand, taking in your sweet smile and the way you reciprocated his touch, clasping your fingers around his, your rings clinking with his.
"One, Happy New Ye-"
The moment his lips hit yours, it had felt like all the daze of the alcohol was wearing off. Regaining consciousness of the way his lips perfectly moulded against yours and how he slipped his tongue into your mouth, tasting the watermelon lollipop you loved so much. Gripping onto your waist and tugging you closer, his heart began to mirror fireworks, matching the way the real ones sparks crackled and thundered in the background.
Pulling away from your touch, the confidence he had going in had simmered down as he gingerly met your eyes once again.
"What was that about?" You whispered, your eyes carrying a sense of wonder.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that without your permission, but you just looked so beautiful and I've had a crush on you for god knows how long and I just couldn't help it. God what am I saying, you can slap me if you want-"
You cut him off by pressing your lips against his once again, jerking him forward by his hoodie strings.
"You kissed me," Mark's eyes widened, awestruck by the sudden gesture.
"I did." You replied, fidgeting with the hems of your shirt as you added, "You said that you liked me."
"I did," Mark confirmed with a shy smile, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
"Does that mean you like me too?"
You could feel your cheek heat up as you dipped your head in response, making him beam at the small motion as he brought you into his arms, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck.
"Happy New Year Y/N," Mark kissed your forehead, his hands resting on the top of your shoulders as he gazed into your eyes adoringly.
SYNOPSIS working at an internship has you drained every day, and 5'oclock couldn't come any sooner. youâre hungry, craving korean fried chicken, and might be a bit tipsy. so you use your last bit of money to order some food with your roommate, but who knew the person delivering it would be so handsome?
THEME fluff crack one shot
CONTAINS mullet!haechan, delivery boy!haechan, gender neutral reader, overworked and tired reader, roommate!doyoung, , mentions of jungwoo, hint of fluff, reader and doyoung get drunk, reader and doyoung get sad but nothing serious, setting is in south korea, it's a one shot so it's fast paced lol
WORD COUNT: 2k
Your head was throbbing, and your feet were burning.
You couldn't believe how tired you were, but you were glad it was the weekend. Meaning? You were able to sleep in, drink, and 'pig out' with your roommate Doyoung, who was working in the same internship as you, only he seemed to be in a better headspace than you.
The first thing you did when you got home was take a shower and have a little cry session. That is until you got shampoo in your eye, and took it as a sign that maybe your crying session was over.
After winding down with some tea and whatever movie was playing on live TV, you hear the keys rattling against the door to your shared apartment, and in walks Doyoung with his book bag in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other.
A smile was spreading on your lips, seeing your roommate making your day a bit better. "Hey," You began, your head leaning against the couch for support. "How was work? What do you have there?"
Doyoung let out a breathy laugh before speaking. "Oh the usual, other interns trying to hit on me," He shook his head. "I bought some beer after work. Figured we can start the weekend properly."
You smiled.
A few drinks in, you were feeling the effects. You weren't a lightweight, but you haven't eaten anything all day. At the mention of that, Doyoung scolded you before walking away to call your favorite fried chicken place that you mentioned you were craving.
You thanked him, very grateful to have a roommate like Doyoung. You've noticed how different your work experiences were from each other, and you blamed it on his outgoing and positive attitude. You weren't exactly a ray of sunshine, but you could also maintain the attitude Doyoung had ... on certain days.
"I'm telling you, ____!" Doyoung slurred his words, the effects of the alcohol hitting him only 10 minutes after ordering the food that was expected to arrive in almost 20 minutes. "Only 6 more months of this crappy internship, and we can go anywhere we want!" He exclaimed, his long arm wrapping around your shoulders with his hand patting the right one.
All you could do was throw your head back and laugh. "Anywhere!" You exclaimed in the same tone as he did, your glass shots clinking together as you downed whatever tequila bottle you found in your kitchen.
You weren't a constant drinker, neither was Doyoung. But when you both drank, it was a bit heavy. Nothing you both couldn't handle though.
14 minutes.
An agreement was made and you both decided to cut back on the drinking until the food got here. It was unlikely that whoever delivered your food would care if you were drunk, seeing as they don't get paid enough to care. However, that wouldn't be a good first impression you would have made.
While snacking on saltine crackers, you and Doyoung began to talk about plans for tomorrow. You suggested shopping, he asked for what. He suggested baking, you pointed out that the firefighters wouldn't appreciate that.
"How about just playing video games with Jungwoo?" You suggested, and you couldn't help but see Doyoung's eyes light up at the suggestion. He liked hanging out with Jungwoo, and he liked playing video games. It was the perfect combination really.
7 minutes
You spent a few minutes choosing something to watch when the food gets here, whether it be something you both will actually watch, or something you have on in the background as you both mindlessly scroll on your phones and occasionally send each other a TikTok.
The ultimate and final decision was to have something on in the background, to no one's surprise. There hasn't been anything good on TV for years, and it doesn't look like there'll be something good anytime soon.
"You know," Doyoung began, and you tilted your head towards him to signal that you were listening. "I'm thinking about quitting my internship."
Your head shot up. "Why? I thought you liked it there?"
He hummed and burped into his hand. "I tolerate it. I don't think they see me as a potential candidate; just eye candy." Doyoung muttered as he began to twiddle his fingers.
He wasn't wrong. You've noticed a majority of the women at work drooling over him, only choosing to put them in their group projects because they wanted something to look at, not because they saw genuine potential in him.
"You have potential," You comforted him, your hands finding his hair as you began to play with it as a way of consoling him. "They don't see it. It's like you said, it's just six more months. Don't quit, but don't pressure yourself to keep going and overworking yourself for people who only see you in that way." You smiled at him, and he smiled back.
The doorbell rang, and both of your heads shot towards the door.
"Thank goodness, I'm starving."
You heard Doyoung behind you, and you took it upon yourself to grab your wallet and head towards the door. As soon as you stood up however, everything was spinning. You grabbed onto the wall for support, hoping that whoever was on the other side of the door wouldn't notice the state that you're in.
Upon opening the door, a bit too wide, you were met with a rather attractive man. He was pretty and attractive. Is that even a thing? Of course it is.
His eyes were wide, they had a bit of a sparkle to them. His hair was short on some sides, and long on other sides. His lips were pink and hydrated, you wanted to ask for his lip routine.
"Order for Doyoung?" He spoke, knocking you out of your trance.
Right, you're not supposed to be checking out the delivery guy. You're just supposed to take the food and think about him while you lay in bed at night.
"Right yes," You spoke, rummaging around your purse for whatever form of money you could find. After paying, you attempted to take the food. You couldn't trust your vision, seeing as when you attempted to grab the bag of food you were way off. Your hand was practically just swinging around the air, and you weren't sure if he was feeling annoyed or amused.
He let out a small chuckle. "How about I just put it on the table right here?" He extended his arm out to the small table by the door, instinctively looking past you and into your apartment. His smile faded.
"Thank you," You slurred a bit, so you cleared your throat. "Me and my roommate aren't exactly in a sober state right now. Probably should've waited." You finished, your whole body being supported by the door that was pretty much now wide open.
His smile returns. "Roommate?" You nodded rather quickly, not out of hopes that he'll potentially ask you out, but because your movements were a bit hard to control on account of your drunken state.
"Doyoung," You both heard behind you, the only person looking at your roommate being the handsome stranger on your doorstep for a bit longer than he probably should have been. "I ordered the food, thank you!" He exclaimed, his words also slurring and jumbling into each other.
"Haechan," He spoke, and you swore you felt your heart beat faster once figuring out his name. "You're welcome." Haechan finished, his attention now towards your drunken state once more.
Cute, he thought.
Haechan cleared his throat, snapping you out of admiration towards him. "What's your name?"
You thought for a bit, wondering if it was a friendly gesture, a conversation starter, or his attempt to begin flirting. Or none. "My name is ____." You said, your words becoming a bit more clear as your way of trying to look cool in front of Haechan.
As if you weren't grabbing onto the door of your shared apartment for stability.
Your mouth spoke for you before your brain could process what you were saying. "Can I have your number? You're kind of, well, attractive, and pretty. I'm not sure if that makes sense."
Being drunk was a blessing and a curse for you.
Blessing? It was a good stress reliever.
Curse? What just happened.
There was an awkward moment of silence, and for a second you thought he walked off as his way of rejecting you.
Rather when you looked up, he had his arm stretched out with a piece of paper and something written on it. He had a cheeky smile on his face. It wasn't cocky or anything, rather a satisfaction type of smile.
"Text me if you can," He began, and you took another look at him. His shirt said a different name than the one he gave Doyoung earlier. Donghyuck. Haechan. Nickname? Maybe. "I'll be waiting for your text."
You barely had time to process what happened before he grabbed your hand, placing the paper in it with a smile. He walked away, and you couldn't help but watch him walk away.
Behind you, you heard Doyoung grab the bag of food with food before sighing. "Have to do everything around here don't I?" He whined, and you slapped his shoulder.
By the time you looked back, Donghyuck was gone.
After two hours of eating, scrolling through your phones and TikTok sharing, you finally built up the courage to text him. Add the alcohol and your roommate's relentless and constant pressuring, you hurriedly pulled out your phone and typed in New Message on your phone.
xxx-xxx-xxx : donghyuck? haechan? which one do people call youu?
You threw your phone almost immediately, already assuming the worst, such as he gave you a fake number. Or maybe he was already taken, and this number is the one from his partner.
Doyoung was no help either, teasing you by saying that Haechan probably blocked you by now, that he's laughing at you in a group chat, or that someone paid him to do this.
You were sober enough to throw a pillow at him and walk to your room, much better than you could've a couple of hours ago. It was almost 2 in the morning. You were full and on the verge of a knockout, so you bid each other a goodnight, both of you equally dreading the mess you'll have to clean up in the morning.
While laying in bed, scrolling on your phone, you received a message.
xxx-xxx-xxx : you can call me wtv you want :)
Oh?
That sentence alone made you blush and kick your feet as if you were back in high school, and you came down to reality once you realized what you were doing over a man you've only known for a few hours. Not even 24, not even 12. 8 hours at most.
The texting went on for a while, messages filled with mindless flirting and usual getting to know each other questions. You opened up to him rather easily, talking about your internship and how much you hated it. Haechan couldn't relate about the internship part, but he did hate his job. The hours were bad, they mixed up with his college schedule and management didn't care. He was in the process of looking for a new job, today being the day he put in his two weeks.
xxx-xxx-xxx : looks like i caught you just in time
donghyuck : lucky you
donghyuck : bet you'd be even luckier if you accepted this date ive been dying to ask you on ever since i met you
You heart stopped, in a good way of course. 10 hours into knowing him and he was already asking you out on a date. Honestly, you didn't even mind. With a man like him, you couldn't let another person want him the way you do.
xxx-xxx-xxx : finally! tmrw at 7? promise I'll be sober this time
And with a date scheduled, you could both sleep comfortably, knowing what was going to come in just a few hours. To be fair, it was almost 5 in the morning once you two decided to finally get some sleep.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: hello, i wrote this one because of pure boredom. hope y'all enjoy the mess, lovelots. reblogs and interactions are highly appreciated.
â¬Â !! MARK LEE
at first, mark did it for fun, but now, he can't seem to stop painting your back with his cum as he watches it messily flow down your body.
"SHITâ MARKâ I'M GONNAâ" you moaned out loud, on all fours gripping the pillows and sheets as you felt the wave of an alluring climax approaching you.
"hm? are you now, baby boy?", the way your walls contracted tightly around his cock sent mark into an overdrive of bliss and pleasure, and you could feel it by how his hands tightened their grip on your waist as he barebacks you â thrusting at a rougher and wilder pace you've barely felt before. "go on, pretty boy, let go for me, yeah?" he whispered as he neared his orgasm, "show me how good my cock feels inside your tight little ass."
he continued to fuck deep into you, watching you scream his name like a cheap little whore as you plead him not to stop, bringing you closer and closer to the brink of your orgasm.
soon as you came hard, mark couldn't resist the tightness of your hole clenching around him - the tightness of your walls urging mark to pull out as he cummed all over your stomach, both of your cum releases mixing.
you were still recovering from the prior orgasm, your legs quivering, when you felt mark pulling you by your legs closer, much rougher this time. he inserted his cock back inside you, the head of his cock kissing the sensitive flesh of your prostate that sent you to the edge once again, and it brought tears to flow down your cheeks.
with a devilish grin painted on his face, he kissed your tears as he thrusted relentlessly again.
renjun is obsessed with your abs and he's not shy about it. he loves them so much that he can't resist cumming all over them whenever he gets the chance.
the bed was shaking like crazy as renjun pounded into you, making the headboard slam against the wall. you were completely spent, your body limp and exhausted from all the intense fucking.
"you're so fucking perfect, puppy" renjun moaned as he kissed your shoulder and squeezed your chest. "your body was made for me."
you could barely even respond, too focused on the intense pleasure building up inside you. suddenly, you came hard, your body convulsing uncontrollably as your cum spurted everywhere all over your stomach. grinning, renjun moaned as he watched you orgasm hard in front of him - it was such a turn on seeing you go dumb chasing your own release.
renjun couldn't control himself too as he continued to groan loudly, thrusting hard to reach his own climax.
finally, he pulled out and shot his hot cum all over your abs, making a mess all over your toned stomach. "god, you're so fucking hot," he breathed as he massaged your abs and spread his cum around.
you drifted off to sleep, feeling completely spent and satisfied, as renjun whispered sweet nothings into your ear and cleaned you up.
his breeding kink is high at all times, jeno would cum deep inside you and enjoy the pleasure of fucking it back inside over and over again â regardless whether may it be his fingers or his girthy cock, he just wouldn't let his hot cum spill out of you.
a series of whimpers left jeno's mouth as you ride him - drool seeping through the sides of his lips as he moaned your name shamelessly. "more please, my prince," jeno mumbled as he gripped the sheets underneath him, his cheeks flushed with a tint of soft pink all over it and his forehead sweating more and more. "daddy's close, little one - please don't stop,"
you couldn't even form coherent words to talk back as your high comes to a close - a whimpering mess is what you are right now as you ride his cock with abandon; loving how his cock stretches you in all the right ways. jeno grabbed your waist so hard, his fingers digging onto your flesh so tightly that you're sure to wake up with bruises the morning after - but you don't care.
jeno came hard, your name spilling out of his mouth as he rode his orgasm. his cum started streaming down your thighs as you proceeded to bounce more - eager to follow your awaiting high, and it didn't take long for you to cum all over his stomach.
but things weren't far from being over. jeno's grip on your waist tightens, commanding you to bounce more and keep going. "don't you dare fucking stop, little boy," he sterned as he flips you on all fours.
he nibbled your earlobe as you trembled from the overstimulation, "i'm going to fuck you all night long, baby boy," he said, his thrusts coming in deeper, not letting his cum escape out of your hole, "i won't stop 'til you're full with your stepbrother's cum."
he's a messy guy when he cums; haechan is shameless and doesn't care about cumming everywhere. as long as both of you get off, that's all that matters to him, even if he leaves a mess behind.
you ended up in the practice room, not the most private place, but it didn't stop you two. against the mirror, haechan pounded into you relentlessly - hard and fast. "damn, baby boy, you feel so good."
haechan grabbed your neck with one hand, and the other around your torso as he continued to fuck you. "h-hyuck, i'm gonna cum," you whispered, searching for bars to hold onto.
he released his grip on your neck and played with your cock, rubbing circles until you came all over his hand. the clenching of your hole made him dizzy, and he pulled out to cum, not caring where it landed.
as the both of you halted to catch your breath, haechan chuckled, "i do consider myself an artist," he said, pointing to his cum he painted on the practice room mirrors. you rolled your eyes, and he pulled you closer. he pushed you down to your knees and pulled your hair to look up at him, "do you prefer me painting on your face instead?"
jaemin was all about cumming in your mouth and throat; making sure you swallowed every last drop of him. he wouldn't let any of his cum escape your mouth, or else he'd just have to fuck your throat again regardless if it's swollen or not.
you took all of him in your mouth, sucking him fast before he had to go back to the practice room. "you fucking whore," he said as he grabbed your hair. "so goddamn needy for me and my cock that you came all the way here for it."
you massaged his balls, causing him to groan and lean back in his chair. your head bobbed faster and you used your hands to fill in the spots your mouth couldn't reach. the sound of you gagging around his cock filled the room, and jaemin lives for it.
jaemin grabbed your hair to stop your movement as he pushed your head down on his thick cock, keeping you in place. you groaned around him, your throat not able to handle it as your nails began to sink deep into his thighs, leaving crescent-shaped marks on his skin.
"oh, what do I have here?" jaemin said, holding back his moans. "my little slut can't take all this cock? such a shame, my boy." he started thrusting into your mouth without any sign of mercy, not caring about the tears streaming down your cheeks.
jaemin moaned loudly as his warm cum filled your mouth, the salty taste coating your tongue. he pulled away and you coughed, his cum barely escaping your lips when he forcefully pushed his fingers in your mouth. "swallow, now."
⥠warnings: dom!jeno, sub!reader, public sex, grinding, making out, public sex, cream pie
Jeno:
Wanna come out on a ride with me?
Sitting in your room, doom scrolling through social media looking for something to do rather than listen to your roommate, Jaemin fuck his girlfriend all night. Your mood changes when you get the text from your boyfriend and spring up from your bed taking the chance and replying to him in an instant.
Throwing on whatever you could find and heading out the door with your bike and keys, thankful you didn't have to deal with the porn star moans any more. Grabbing your bike from the closet next to the door and your bag quickly heading out the door letting out a sigh of relief as you were met with silence.
Walking down the hallway trying your best to be quiet so as to not disturb the people sleeping. The cold weather was a shock to you coming from the heat of inside to the bitter feeling leaving you shaking waiting for Jeno to arrive.
Not a sound could be heard, nothing but the sound of the wind whistling and leaves dancing in the subtle wind. Lights on the side of the road flooded the sidewalk for anyone walking past. It wasn't long until you heard Jeno shouting on you as he turned around the corner and saw you standing on the sidewalk with your bike leaning on the bench next to you.
"Evening beautiful"
No matter how many times he calls you that name you will never get used to how it sounds coming from him. The tight fabric of his cycle clothes clung to his body accentuating every curve of his body. Every curve and dip of his abs were on show causing butterflies in your stomach. Jeno was built like a Greek God, it was obvious that he would get stares from other people which you didn't appreciate very much. Littering his neck with dark marks on his neck when you got home showing people who he belongs to.
Eyes trailing down and noticing his problem, he was achingly hard for you. Jeno has been so hard for hours and nothing could be done about it as he really didn't get along with Jaemin nor did he want his roommate, Haechan to hear your beautiful melodic moans. His cheeks were tinted a pink colour as he could see you staring before you snapped out of your daze getting on your bike trailing behind him.
Riding down the streets of Seoul taking in the sights as it was one thing you never got to do as daily life was so fast paced. You had no clue where Jeno was taking you as he wanted it to be a surprise showing you the new scenic route to where he took you both on your first date.
The climb up the steep hill left you both breathless but for the view it was worth it. Leaving your bikes at the side of the trash can next to a bench overlooking the skyline of the city. Before you could sit next to him Jeno pulled you so you were sitting in his lap feeling his very prominent boner. Something in the atmosphere changed when you both had your helmets and glasses off, it was more love drunk
Maintaining eye contact with Jeno watching him with a passionate gaze as he leaned further back on the bench letting his crotch rub against you making you feel every inch. Watching you through narrow eyes as your hips started to rub against him in a constant rhythm letting his arms drape against your waist pulling you closer to him.
"Such a beautiful sight Darling, aren't ya?"
Both of you were face to face, millimetres away from him watching your figure with dark hooded eyes. Jeno said no word to you he just watched....
Moving your hands up his body feeling how his muscles tense under your touch groaning quietly. Holding his face in your hands rubbing your thumbs against the apples of his cheeks before leaning in kissing him intensely. You can't help but moan out in pleasure feeling Jeno's lips on yours battling with him for dominance before fully letting him take over giving all your power to him.
It wasn't long until you were both trying to rid each other of clothes but it was hard both being in skin tight fabric. Pulling away from the kiss seeing how red Jeno's lips had became in such a short amount of time. Getting up from his lap to bring his shorts down just enough to pull his cock out of his underwear. Fully taking off yours before straddling his waist once again kissing him once again playing with the dark hair at the bottom of his neck.
"Still okay about this Darling? hmm?"
The nod of the head was all Jeno needed to keep going with you, pulling your underwear to the side before rubbing the head of his cock up and down your folds smirking as he watched you squirm. Gripping onto his shoulders harder to the point your nails were leaving marks as he entered you stretching you out fully.
"My princess is so tight, only for me huh?"
No words came to mind, it didn't even register that he was talking to you. You could think about nothing else other than his thick cock inside of your cunt letting you feel every vein and curve before rocking in and out of you slowly. The slight pain soon turned into pleasure erupting moans from you still fighting the pleasure not wanting any passers by watching nor hearing you both.
To anyone passing by it looked like something out of one of their best dreams. Riding your boyfriend whilst having a great view of the city whilst the trees blew in the wind.
"F-faster, please"
Whimpering to your boyfriend begging to feel his thick cock rub against your gummy walls and that spot that made you see white. The pain in your thighs was getting too much looking into Jeno's eyes looking like a hurt puppy as you shake like a leaf trying to hold yourself up.
"Shhh, I'll make you feel good Princess. Hold onto me"
With that being said you hold him as close as you can feeling his heartbeat locking your arms around his neck looking into his gaze with hooded eyes. Jeno dug his heels into the dirt below him using it as leverage rocking his hips into your cunt deeper. It was getting too much for him as well as your cunt was squeezing him just the right way. You could tell he was holding back on coming to let you cum first.
"I'm close Nono..."
The man kept the same pace making sure not to stop just before you reach your peak. Sweat was dripping down your bodies making the atmosphere on top of the beautiful mountain more needy...
"Go on princess, cum for me"
"Make me proud"
"I'm here baby girl..."
Jeno's words took you over the edge letting the orgasm take over your body finally getting to release. Your whole body started to shake violently for the few seconds of euphoria. It was Jeno's favourite sight seeing you fall apart on his cock knowing that no one else can give you as much pleasure as him.
He followed shortly after doing his best to keep quiet but he couldn't. Leaning his head back as the ribbons of cum shot up inside of you gasping for oxygen as he came down from his high. Jeno held you close as you both came down form your orgasms giving you as much time as you needed to calm down.
"Haechan" is THE perfect stage name and I need everyone to back me up on this.
ð¿ Donghyuck â Haechan â Fullsun
Haechan's real name is Lee Donghyuck. It is also the name he used prior to his debut when he appeared in various events and content as a part of SM Rookies. When NCT 127 debuted, fans were confused as to why an unfamiliar "Haechan" was debuting whereas Lee Donghyuck was not.
"Haechan" is a stage name chosen by Lee Sooman himself. Before "Haechan", his nickname for him was "Ayi" because Donghyuck was the youngest among the trainees then. We kinda owe him his current stage name because it is just so fitting, and LSM's a genius for that. He chose this name because in Hanja, it means to be upright and shine brightly.
Haechan stayed true to his name. He even took it one step further. He coined the nickname "Fullsun" which is the direct English translation of "Haechan". In Hangeul, "hae" means sun, and "chan" means full or to be filled.
It is worth mentioning that all his names share almost the same meaning, from Lee Donghyuck to Haechan to Fullsun. In fact, in Hangeul, "dong" is the word for east while "hyuck/hyeok" means bright or radiant. Not only are his stage name and nickname related to the sun, but his real name also means something bright or radiant from the East, much like how the sun rises from that direction.
ð¿ The Fullsun Brand
The best thing about having "Haechan" as his stage name is that he embodies it so perfectly. This is undebatable, and no one can bring up another Haechan who is more Haechan than Lee Donghyuck because as far as we're concerned, he's the only one in the Kpop industry with that name. All thanks to Lee Sooman who kinda gatekeeps the stage names of SM Artists he named.
That said, it's not even only a stage name at this point. Haechan/Fullsun is a whole brand.
It is endearing whenever the Neos associate the sun to Haechan. The Dreamies point to the sun and refer to it as Haechan whenever he cannot be with them due to conflicts in schedules. Ilichil has acknowledged him as The Sun and during his hiatus due to an injury, Mark even initiated they lie down to the shape of a sun to let Haechan know they miss him.
Haechan has incorporated the Fullsun (and Sunflowers) branding in official merch and safe to say, it works extremely well, judging by his new title: Sold-Out Boy.
| More on this.
ð¿ Fullsun and Sunflowers
He named his fandom "sunflowers" because he is Fullsun, and sunflowers look up to the sun.
| More on this.
ð¿"Haechan brightens up the mood."
~ Xiaojun during NCT 2020 promotions
He is NCT's mood maker, no doubt. Haechan is an ENFP (before he recently revealed that he's already an ISFP) and he brightens up any room that he enters. This is very evident in their video content, whether it is within SM or at variety shows.
The result of Haechan's Hexaco test on Mental Camp analyzed by actual psychologists shows that he is extremely extroverted (but conscientious at the same time).
Given his bright personality and wit, he is usually assigned to emcee their brand content. He is also very competitive when it comes to games that automatically puts him at the center of attention.
Haechan also brightens up the mood during serious situations, and not just during times when they have fun. He's always the first to cheer up the members with a "Fighting!" whenever they are shooting MVs or practicing their choreography.
Being extroverted means he's also very empathetic. Although you see him lifting up the mood with jokes most of the time, he's entirely different regarding serious matters (such as during NCT 127's "To You" series with his message to Jungwoo).
He is a constant support to the Dreamies, as one of the older members. He's the maknae in 127 but his qualities as an eldest child and as a pillar to the Dream carries over to his hyungs in Ilichil. He cooks for them whenever they're tired, he has these silly little antics with Doyoung where they can lean on each other when they're exhausted, he brings them to healing trips and restaurants, and his maturity shines through in their career conversations.
Like the sun, Haechan radiates warmth to the fans and the members which makes his name even more perfect
ð¿ "Haechan shines like a sun."
~ Winwin during NCT 2020 promotions
ð¿ The Sun is a Star
Repeat after me: THE SUN IS A STAR!
Yes, he is a star through and through, and he shines so much on stage. He the main vocalist whose voice is so unique that it literally feels like the sun peaking through the clouds when you hear him for the first time in a song. His voice is a breath of fresh air. Not even exaggerating, listening to a newly-released NCT album is just counting how many times you get goosebumps whenever the fingerprint main vocal comes through. His voice is so distinct that even in a chorus of a hundred voices, you'll be able to pick up his. "The sun shines in a sea of a thousand stars" might very poetic description but I can't find any words better to describe it.
Not only is he a talented vocalist, he is also a captivating dancer and performer. Much like the sun, his presence demands attention. Said this to a friend as a joke, but now that I think about it, it's kinda true. When he's on stage, he's like the sun being the center of the Solar System. Once he captures your eyes, the other people on stage are just there orbiting around him.
ok hear me out.. a contract/arranged marriage with any enha member, cliche stuff like yall not getting along n stuff plus yall prolly hate eo's guts. however one day, you got caught in some situation with a guy (idk ur ex or smth) which caused them to be jealous n yea yall fluff things out ð€ð€
sign me up. | lee heeseung
lee heeseung x fem reader
synopsis : heeseung may have gotten a bit overboard when he saw your ex.
includes : 1.3k words | angst | little fluff towards the ending | haechan appearance! | abusive past relationship | heeseung is not jealous ⊠sorry heâs more ⊠angry :)
extra : first heeseung work!! | i literally change the scenario last minute because i find angry tuexdo heeseung quite hot <3 | little fluff because they like to argue | yn is petty but heeseung doesnât care | bad employees talking shit about heeseung ð | heeseung saves the day!! | this picture of heeseung as a reference ⊠MADE ME FERALð¢ð¢
(p.s no iâm not normalizing abusive relationships.)
likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3
[below the cut]
youâre staring at your untouched plate of food in front of you. the low volume of chattering and jazz music playing, it made you be in a sea of thoughts.
the fabric of your dress made you feel queasy, questioning as to why youâre the person being told to do this. it felt weird. the atmosphere felt weird overall. it didnât feel right to be in this situation.
your sweaty fingertips lingered around your bare thigh.
the lights reflected on your white plate.
the smoke of the food disappeared into thin air without you noticing.
you didnât want to spend your night like this.
you didnât like the feeling of someone that you utterly hate your guts with, in front of you.
unwavering and eyes just wandering around in boredom, no one dared to speak.
your eyes were filled with hatred with every second spent with your husband. your husband that you were arranged for marriage with. you couldnât reject - you couldnât even say no because both parents wanted this opportunity to raise their reputation for their jobs. sometimes you hated being rich and just want to be born in a normal life.
you hated lee heeseung with all of your guts because how cocky he is as an individual. with being born with a silver spoon, he doesnât shut up with his mouth and likes to irritate you because heâs âalways rightâ. if someone doesnât like his idea, he would immediately fire him.
in the evening of 7:00pm, heeseungâs mother arranged dinner for the both of you just to spend more time as a husband and wife.
âyouâre gonna have to eat the pasta one way or another.â
you rolled your eyes at your husbandâs words. âyou couldâve said no to your motherâs request. i know you dont wanna be here either.â you shrugged.
you looked at heeseung as he wears a hardened expression at the mention of earlier.
âitâs my mother, i canât just say no to her.â
you scoffed at his words. you find it ironic how he doesnât say no to his mom but says no to his wife.
when you walked into your bedroom, there was a tuxedo and a matching dress on the bed. you sighed. you admit that itâs a beautiful piece, you just felt like it didnât belong onto your body.
âoh but when i have a say in something, you say no?â you tilted your head to the side, acting confused towards heeseung who seemed bothered with your words. âwhat a reliable and caring husband to have.â you sarcastically spitted.
âi am considerate with your words. youâre just making reckless decisions and not understanding my perspective.â heeseungâs fist curled up on his lap. you noticed how intense he was staring at you but you didnât falter.
âyour perspective? all iâm saying that as your wife, i should have the privilege to work alongside with you!â
âmaybe if you think before speaking you probably would!â
there was nothing but tension as you eyed heeseung without flinching. you became quiet as you realized that youâre in a public environment. it would be pointless to argue here.
heeseung mentioned earlier on how you talked back to his employees and rejected their ideas to make your own ideas stand out to the lee family. you canât blame yourself, you were just helping your husband not fall into their tricks and make his branding fall into shambles.
youâre well aware of his reputation among his workers. heâs not very well liked because of his attitude. although you felt a bit bad for the bad mouthing, you also agreed on some of their pointers but you kept your mouth shut.
âi was just helping..â you rolled your eyes, leaning back to your chair with your arms crossed and your mouth pouting as you speak.
âlook y/n i know-â
âwhatever,â you interrupted his words. you didnât want to hear what he was gonna say.
you stood up after you pulled your purse to your shoulder. âiâm going to the restroom.â you didnât look at heeseungâs eyes and walked straight to the restroom with your heels clinking away.
heeseung eyed you with the tip of his tongue touching his lip. he took a deep breath in as you shamelessly walked away. he knows how petty you can be during an argument.
however, he canât help but let his eyes linger your body a bit longer than usually as you disappear from his sight.
as you finished washing your hands and drying them out, you walked outside with your head cooled off.
ây/n.â you turned around only to be shocked from seeing someone very familiar.
âhaechan?â you called out softly to make sure itâs the right person youâre looking to.
the male figure smiled upon your calling.
then your heart dropped.
your intuition was correct. your ex is under the same building as you. itâs been two years since youâve maren haechan especially when you decided to break up with him because he was starting to become violent towards you. as selfish you are, you immediately called it off which obviously pissed haechan off.
âi knew my mind wasnât playing tricks.â haechan started to take a step closer to you as you were busy staring at haechan at how physically he has changed, making you worried.
you cursed at whoever made the hallway from the dining area to the restroom so far.
âhow are you y/n?â you shivered at the way he said your name. with much venom. you hated the way that heâs smirking at you when he saw that you became frozen.
you gulped. your eyes trailed to the floor in front of you so you try to walk as fast as you can without your heartbeat dropping to the floor.
flashbacks from your relationship occurred in your head. thoughts of haechan hitting and verbally abusing you made your body be in cold sweat.
before you can take two more steps, you felt your wrist being tugged forcefully. as your body instinctively turned around, it all went too fast when your head was pounded to the concrete wall and a hand choked around your neck, making you cough and gasp for air.
you became dizzy as the pain began to consume your head. you lowered your head, trying to redeem consciousness as you kept your hand on haechanâs grip whom never wants to let go.
âyou bastard!â
then hand from your neck disappeared. your body slowly slide down to the wooden floor as you heard multiple gasps around you.
you try to look across at what was happening and you were too shocked to process your husband currently beating the living shit out of your ex.
âdonât fucking touch my wife like that you hear me!?â you heard heeseungâs voice being laced with nothing but anger and viciousness as his body was on topped of haechan, gripping his collar and eyeing him with every death stare. âyou deserve to go to jail, you fucker!â you heard another groan from haechan
you noticed a bit of blood on the corner of haechanâs lips before coughing on air.
a staff came up to you, giving you their immediate attention. âare you okay?â they asked gently as you nodded continuously. âyes..â you breathe out.
ây/n-â heeseungâs hands softly gripped your jaw, making you turn to him. you can obviously hear how worried he sounded and how angry he looked. âare you okay? what did that fucker do to you?â heeseung stared at the redness of your neck, indicating how rough haechan was to you.
âiâm sorry..â you whispered, trying to look up at him but you eyes kept closing because of the pain. âiâm sorry about earlier..â you whimpered when heeseung gently pressed on the spot that your head was badly hit in.
although you may have hate heeseungâs guts but heâs the only person who understands your struggles with being born as a silver spoon. sometimes both you go have deep conversations late at night alone in your bedroom, whether he talks first or you.
âno shut up, donât mention about that right now.â you can hear the irritation of his voice that always never fails to make you giggle.
âweâre going home and iâm making that jerk rot in hell.â compared to heeseungâs harsh words, his hold on you was very gentle and delicate. his hand was holding your waist as his other hand was around your head, making sure that he doesnât touch the injured area. your heart was beating fast because everything happened too fast - seeing your ex for the first time in 2 years and heeseung being in your arms in less than a minute.
âyouâre cute when youâre mad.â you suddenly confessed as you dug your head to his chest in order to not look at haechan being escorted away from the staff. heeseung noticed as he kept your body close to his. you didnât say anything, and he knew. he just silently lets you do what he wants and it makes your heart flutter whenever he does this to you.
with heeseungâs brave soul, he continued to stare at haechan until heâs out of his sight. you slowly fell asleep in heeseungâs warm arms protecting your figure until the ambulance arrives.
âdonât worry y/n, iâm here with you.â were the last words that you heard before falling asleep in his arms.
if my wishes came true, it would have been you | mark lee
PAIRING ⧠nct's mark lee x female reader
WORD COUNT ⧠12.0k
TAGS ⧠idol!mark x idol!reader, exes!au, exes to lovers!au, really quite angsty, happy ending, fluff, non-linear narrative
PLAYLIST aka SONGS BY YN ⧠the 1 by taylor swift ; 21 by gracie abrams ; i miss you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams ; champagne problems by taylor swift ; in between by gracie ambrams ; somebody by hwasa and loco ; i know it won't work by gracie abrams, dancing with our hands tied (acoustic) by taylor swift
SUMMARY ⧠persist and resist the temptation to ask if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? (alternatively, every single time you and mark get a chance to talk about your breakup, it never goes as planned)
-
MAY 2021
"NCT are here."
You hum along to the track blasting in your left ear through the singular airpod. It's the first day of your comeback promotions, and while you should feel confident from the many months you'd practiced the song every single day for multiple hours, no amount of time could ever erase the nerves you feel each comeback day.
You're already finished with your hair and makeup, being the first to sit in the chair to give your members some time to wake up from their naps in the van. Though you should all be bright, awake, and preppy for your comeback stage, the reality was that all of you were obliteratingly tired from the near all-nighter in the practice room. Your makeup artists are true magicians for the way they cover up all signs of tiredness even under all those harsh, bright stage lights.
"Unnie, did you hear me?" your youngest member Kali poked your arm incessantly.
"Kali, stop," you whine, pushing her finger away, "I heard you."
"So why didn't you react?"
"Why should I?" you sigh, pausing the track on your phone.
She pauses for a while, choosing to craft her words before replying too hastily, "We should still go and say hi. Haechan is asking if we wanna film a TikTok with them."
"You know they only post with SM idols," you remind her.
"You were in SM too. It's just for fun," she mumbles, "You know how many idols feature on Haechan's private account. Please come."
"You're up to no good, Kali," you squint at her suspiciously, watching the room carefully to see if anyone had overheard. It wasn't really a big deal; all your managers were well-informed, just like your members, and your stylists were basically your friends.
"I already talked to our manager and Haechan talked to their manager," Kali wrapped her fingers around your wrist delicately, but pulling to encourage you to stand up, "Let's go."
The walk to the hallway where the NCT members agreed to meet the two of you wasn't exactly a long one, but the rumblings of nerves bubbling in your stomach made it feel like a million years. You weren't stupid; you knew exactly what to expect and you wouldn't put it past your maknae to meddle in a time like this.
"Oh look, they're here already," Kali was biting a grin behind her words as 3 figures came into view. Haechan gives you a warm smile and a famous bear hug before he was shoved away.Â
"Noona," you resist a pout as one of the boys you had been taking care of since you were younger wrapped you up in a big hug, "Haven't seen you in so long. Missed you."
"Missed you too Ji. You grow an inch every time I see you," you also resist the urge to ruffle up his perfectly styled purple hair out of fear of getting hunted by his hair stylist, "I like this purple on you."
He gives you an appreciative grin and somehow you still see him as the tiny, shy boy running energetically around the halls of the company building after being chased by his fellow trainees. Jisung moves on to greet your member, who was still in conversation with Haechan.
It's definitely not that you dread having to face Mark Lee. It's totally not the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend. Or the fact that you're still in love with him. Or the fact that he's still in love with you. No, none of that.
Totally.
"You look really pretty, Y/N," he begins slowly, taking in your appearance in front of him, having not seen each other for a few months.
Mark Lee stands in front of you stoic, hands by his side and feet together. It's almost like he's fighting his instinct to wrap you up in his arms like he's done most of his life because you sure know you're having to fight that instinct too.
"Thanks, Mark. I like your blue hair," you smile softly, "How are you?"
"I'm good. Amazing, even. I guess," he's mumbling, running his hands through said hair you just complimented and you can tell he's nervous, "I love the song. And the whole album. I can tell which songs you wrote. You always make me so proud."
Ouch. It stings your heart whenever he says things like that. How could you have let go of someone so sweet?
"Thanks. Congratulations on your first album and coming back with Dream."
"Ah, thanks. I fought so hard to come back to the group and I'm really happy they finally listened to me," he began, "You know how much I love them."
"Yeah, I know."
You're barely meeting his eyes, but when you do, it feels like he's hesitating in his words.
"Mark-"
"Happy birthday by the way," he rushes out, "For yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't text. Or call."
"It's okay," you reassure him, knowing that that was probably easier for you both that he didn't.
"How did you spend your birthday?"
"The members got me cake. Coffee, my favourite," you recount, "I did a live for a bit, but other than that we were practicing all day for today."
"Oh, I'm sorry. That really sucks," he frowns.
"You know how it goes. I'll have more birthdays to celebrate anyway-"
"But you didn't celebrate last year either!" he protests.
"Maybe next year, then," you pull your lips into a tight smile, "It's okay Mark. Don't worry about it. I'm not really fond of my birthdays anymore and 22's not a big deal."
He sighs while looking at you, "You deserve to celebrate your birthday no matter what. I hope you can find some time to do something for yourself."
You chuckle lightly, "That'll be hard to come by. I don't know how you've done it with multiple groups all these years, Mark. I've only been debuted for three years and it's never got any easier. You were really stretching yourself thin, huh?"
"I guess," he's playing with his fingers, so you know he has something to say.
"Just say it, Mark. Whatever you want to say."
You can read him like a book and you've always been able to. It's not your fault that the book is wide open, as compared to the way you've always been- shut, bound, and locked.
"I just wanted to say I miss you. That's all. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Thanks to the secluded hallway that Haechan had found and led you to, the coast was clear enough for you to close the distance between you and Mark even just by a bit more. His breath hitches as you place a hand on his arm.
"Thanks for caring, Mark. I miss you too."
He smiles at you softly and the two of you are so engrossed in each other to notice that Kali, Haechan and Jisung had disappeared a while ago. You know it's time for you to go back though.
The worst part of the whole situation wasn't the breakup itself. Of course, the breakup hurt both of you for a long time and you don't even think you're recovered. It did happen over a year ago, but that wasn't the worst part.
The worst part is knowing that every time you meet again, walking away hurts more each time. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do but listen to your heart break with each step you take away from each other. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do about the fact that you still love each other more than anything else in this world.
-
2014
Mark Lee was known to be SM's golden child. In the future, he'd be known as the most over-worked in the company, due to his talents and resilience, but now, he's just Mark Lee, second to you.
You'd done everything before Mark. You were born first. You moved to Korea first. You beat him joining the company by 6 months and you beat him getting announced as part of SM Rookies just by 7 days.
None of that mattered because it was always just you and him together, wherever. Sure, you trained and practiced separately, but lunchtimes, downtimes, company gatherings- it was always the two of you attached to the hip. There was really nothing the company could say- the two of you were barely 15 so what was the worst you could do?
"How long do you think it'll be before your debut?" the two of you are lying down on the grass in a park a few minutes away from the building. His hands are rifling through the blades, yanking them up every so often, while you made daisy chains quietly.
He hums in response, "I don't know. Soon I hope, but I've only been here for like just over a year. Realistically, I'd say like 2 years. Don't tell anyone I told you, but I heard Johnny hyung talking to the manager about some kind of project that the company has been thinking of for a while. Something about having a group with infinite members!"
Your eyes widened at the thought, "Wow, really? EXO debuted with 12 and I thought that was a lot!"
"Yeah, right? But there are only like 9 of us in SM Rookies right now. How many do you think they'll start with and how am I going to get lines in a song if there's so many of us?"
You nudge him, "Well, with your awesome talent and writing skills of course. I can't wait to see what ends up happening to you guys- oh yeah, by the way, how's that new trainee you guys are training with? Donghyuck, right?"
"New?" he sat up with wide eyes, twisting his body to look at you, "He's been here for like 5 months and it's been the worst 5 months of my life! He's just so infuriating. His voice is amazing, sure, but he never listens and is always talking and hanging off me! I told him that he makes me want to leave the company."
You laugh at his frustrated expression, "Ha, you'd never leave the company. You'd never leave me behind. Plus, I bet you'll be best friends in a few years. Opposites attract and all that."
"Hm, but you and I are quite similar. Don't you think?"
There were definitely some traits that you shared to both be enduring the same path. Resilient, hard-working, brave, and enduring were all ones. After all, it's a big leap of faith to train to have the chance to be an idol just at 12 or 13 with no guaranteed future.
When it came down to it though, you'd like to think that there were also traits you each had that weren't always necessarily opposites all the time, but traits that complemented each other.
Mark liked to talk; you liked to listen. Mark was optimistic and would always be the one to cheer you up on your particularly moody days. You were Mark's calm through it all. Mark loved to rap; you found your passion in singing. Mark liked carrots and would take them off your plate in the cafeteria and swap them with his peas. Mark's hands were calloused from his guitar-playing, while yours were smooth and soft when he held them.
"No, I think we're the perfect example of opposites attract."
"Well then that's why you're my best friend," he grinned over at you while you slid a daisy chain bracelet onto his wrists, "Forever and whenever."
"Always," you grinned.
-
AUGUST 2021
"What are you doing here?"
"No happy birthday Mark?" he teases, holding a bouquet of flowers and a grocery store plastic bag in his hands on your doorstep.
"Come in before anyone sees you," you pull him inside your dorm, sticking your head out the hallway to see if it was empty, "How did you get here?"
"Relax, Y/N. My manager drove me and I was in all this," he pulls out a mask and a beanie from his pocket to show you.
"Oh, good. Happy birthday, I guess, but what are you doing here?" you question him again, looking at the contents in his grasp.
"Well, it all started when Hyuck said that we were throwing a birthday party for me. Then Jisung invited Kali and obviously, you too. And your members, of course. Then you said you couldn't come because you're busy," his eyes dart to the episode of Modern Family on your TV and the blanket lazily thrown on the couch, combined with your pajamas, "So I didn't want to come to the party anymore."
"But all my members are at your dorm," you frown, "There's still a party?"
"Yeah, I guess. Gives Jisung an opportunity to spend more time with his crush, which I'm sure Kali appreciates."
"So they're hosting your birthday party," you hum, "Without you? And you came here to what? Check that I'm busy?"
"I know you're not busy. Erin told me so, which I suspected anyway. I know it's kind of rude for me to come to force you to spend time with me when you didn't even want to come to my birthday party in the first place, but I thought I would try." he shrugs, "Is that okay?"
Mark is adorned in a white T-shirt and grey joggers. He's clearly not dressed for a party and your member clearly told him that you're staying inside and moping to your comfort show while you try to avoid your ex-boyfriend on his birthday. Plan failed, you guess.
Here's the thing: you've always been the worst at saying no to Mark. The one time you did, the world crashed around you. You would've thought it would have got easier to say no to him after already experiencing the worst-case scenario, but looking into his slightly pleading chocolate eyes shows you otherwise.
"Of course, Mark. You're the birthday boy," you finally say after a period of silence where Mark felt like his heart was thumping out of his chest.
"There's no one else I'd rather spend my birthday with," he hums lightly, even though his words are loaded, "Here, a big bouquet for missing last year too."
The tradition started on his 15th birthday in 2014. Even though it was his birthday, he had got you a bouquet of flowers to thank you for being his best friend of one year and making him feel all the more comfortable in his first year in Korea. You were his dance partner, his classmate, his fellow English speaker, and his best friend. He got you flowers again the next year, then the year after, and again and again for being his partner through everything.
The last birthday you shared with Mark before the two of you broke up was his 20th birthday in 2019 and he had prepared his own bouquet that year, choosing all your favourite flowers and colours and wrapping it all up himself. Mark was selfless like that- thinking of other people even on his birthday.
"It's beautiful," you examine the flowers- pink and red camellias and carnations, white primroses, pink peonies, red roses and baby's breaths. Taking that flower language course with Mark back when you were both 17 comes as a regret now, with the messages he's sending you through the bouquet. You hope it's just a coincidence.
"Anyway, I brought us- or I made my manager buy us- some Oreo ice cream, peanut butter chocolate, some ramen, and chicken and mushroom pastries," he grins as he pulls each one out of the bag, "And I brought cake, obviously."
You hold yourself back from saying what you would say every time he presented your favourite pastry from your childhood home to you- 'you know the way to my heart'.
"I haven't had one in so long," you gasp, taking it from him and preparing your plate already, "Thanks Mark. Why are you so considerate on your own birthday?"
"I like to celebrate the people I love on my birthday too. I wouldn't be me without them," he plops himself on the bar stool at your breakfast bar while you sigh hopelessly. He'll never leave your heart alone, "I wanted to soften the blow too."
You turn to him slowly, "Soften the blow?"
He sees the panic in your eyes and lets out that melodious laugh you've always loved, "Oh, nothing like that. Nothing to tell you. I just wanted to bribe you to talk to me on my birthday. I thought after over a year you might be ready to talk?"
"About what?"
"Us."
You thank the manufacturers of the heavenly pastry slice that only takes 90 seconds in the microwave. You set the plate down in front of Mark and take the seat next to him.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Are you still my best friend?"
"Mark, come on," you began warily, knowing the difficult conversation you were about to have.
He meets your eyes and you feel the pain reflected in them, "When we decided to give our relationship a try when we were 16, we pinky swore that no matter what happens, we'll always be best friends. Always. Right?"
You find the power to break his gaze and stare down to your hands on your lap, "We did."
"So, why can't we go back to being friends? I know, I know when you broke up with me, you said that you don't think we could stay friends. I understood, of course, and I wanted to give you some space. Well, at least initially, but it's been over a year now and I really miss us. Your friendship meant everything to me even if I can't have you as my girlfriend." his tone is heartbreaking in the way that it's vulnerable and pleading.
"I told you when we broke up that breaking up was the hardest choice I'd ever have to make. It blew the choice to leave SM out of the water. I didn't want to break up, but it felt like I had no choice," you explained slowly, "When we first started dating, I knew I already loved you, but growing up together and debuting and going through everything I went through really taught me what real love in real life looked like and I could never have predicted at 16 how I felt for you at 20. Mark, you're everything to me, I hope you know. I said I didn't want to be friends when we broke up because how could I have lived with myself seeing you and talking to you still knowing I had you in the way that I did and knowing I loved you that intensely but not being able to show it anymore? How could I live with myself still having you around knowing I let go of the greatest thing that's ever happened to me?"
Mark Lee was brave at 16 when he kissed you for the first time and asked you to be his girlfriend against all the bans and rules. Mark Lee was brave at 18 watching you walk away from everything you both knew at SM Entertainment and for not running after you to stop you because you both knew it was for the best. Mark Lee was brave at 20 hearing you sob through the phone while you were halfway around the world because you just couldn't do this anymore. Mark Lee is brave at 22, taking your warm hands in his, and Mark Lee is brave when he lifts your chin up to meet his gaze and asks you this:
"Why can't we just get back together? This year apart is hurting us more than it's benefitting us."
People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- that the eyes say everything someone can't say. Your eyes are filled with tears, yes, but also love and fear and all the emotions in between.
The problem was that your brain always rules your life, keeping your heart's true desires always suppressed deep within.
"Mark," you trail, before he cuts you off.
"I don't see the problem, Y/N. Both our companies knew we were dating and you're not a rookie in the industry anymore. I mean, we dated through your whole rookie era! I acknowledge everything you said and felt when we broke up and I wanted to give you time to work through those emotions, but I'm asking if anything has changed. Has it?"
"I've never stopped loving you, but I'm still scared Mark. I'm even more scared now as your career grows," you say quietly, "I don't want to hurt you. If anything gets out, it won't just hurt you or me, because I could take it if it only hurt me, but it's our members, Mark. You know how fans feel about idols who date and it's never ever as simple as 'if they're a true fan they'll be happy for me'. That's not how the industry works."
He squeezes your hands, "Then we'll get better at sneaking around! You know the boys love you so much and they know how much our relationship meant to me and they'd never ever get in the way of that. Or we can just text and call and I don't even have to see you in person when it's risky. I just want the chance to tell you that I still love you every single day as I promised."
There it is again, the sound of your heart breaking at the most loving boy on the planet.
"Will you let me think about it? At least about being your best friend still? I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer right now on your birthday," you murmur. The confessions from Mark came as no surprise, but he never fails to leave you speechless with no clear thoughts in your brain and your heart always full.
"I'm just asking for a chance. Just for anything you can give me," he smiles finally, "How about we eat all this and continue your Modern Family? It's still my favourite show, so I couldn't dream of a better way to spend my birthday."
"I'd like that."
-
2015
"I'm debuting," Mark barges into the near-empty practice room, huffing and panting like he just ran a marathon, "Y/N, oh my God!"
You're sat cross-legged on the floor with your phone propped up in front of you. Your eyebrows are stitched together tightly, indicating that you were probably either criticising yourself on a recording or trying to learn a choreography. The moment you realise that it's Mark, your whole body unclenches and you relax as you pause the video. You don't comprehend the weight of his words until he says them again.
"Y/N, Y/N, I'm going to debut!" he's practically screaming in joy as he belly slides towards you and crashes into you, wrapping his arms around you.
"Oh my God, Mark! Really? Tell me everything right now!" you squeeze him back, pride bursting in your chest.
When you both joined SM, you came with the obvious dream of being an idol entertainer. Sure, the company can make all these empty promises to you at the start, but with the way the industry works, nothing is really ever truly for certain. For you, the company had not given you any time scale or idea of what direction they wanted you to go in. You weren't even really that hopeful, considering the company just debuted Red Velvet one year ago, but you were still enduring.
However, it was almost time to debut a new boy group since it had been 3 years and counting since EXO broke into the scene. You were always certain that Mark was always a part of that plan.
"So, do you remember last year when I told you about the infinite boy group idea? It was true! The company gathered all the male trainees and showed them their idea- it's called NCT and it's so cool, trust me! So it's like they're going to debut groups within NCT like different members in each group!"
"Mark, that sounds amazing. Which group are you going to be in?"
"Uh, they said all of them?" Mark frowns in confusion, "Like the first is going to be this unit where members can switch out anytime and it only has a comeback whenever it wants to, and then the second one is like a normal permanent group which I think I'll be with Hyuck and the hyungs, and the third one is a group where we graduate once we hit 20! But I don't think that one's fully confirmed with members yet."
He's running out of breath explaining it to you and his eyes are going crazy so you just laugh and hug tighter, "That's a lot of information, but it still sounds amazing. See Mark, I told you that you're going to be the most important person in this building! You're literally the best."
Mark nudges you so that you break away, "Psh, shut up Y/N. It's still a few months out anyway. We're going to be writing and practicing the debut song for the first unit really soon though."
"And I'm so proud of you," you tell him sincerely, knowing that there are not many people who you can say have worked harder than Mark to achieve their dreams, "Do you feel scared at all?"
He swivels his body so that he's sitting in front of you and he starts playing with your fingers like he always does, "Naturally, I guess. Debuting is a whole new world and being an idol too, but this is what I've been working towards so why shouldn't I be more excited? I've been waiting for this day, but I guess it's human nature to have fear of the unknown."
"It's definitely not wrong to not be scared. I'd be over the moon if they finally tell me I'm going to debut," you sigh dreamily.
"And you will! They can't keep you hidden here any longer and you know that the company loves you so much! You've given everything for them so you deserve it all back," Mark is now rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, "I can't wait until we achieve our dream together. No matter how long it takes, we'll both be standing on that stage together as idols. It's so close now, Y/N."
You smile softly at the boy, ever the optimist, "I can't wait for it too, Mark. Don't let the fame get to your head so quickly and don't forget me when you're famous okay?"
"You're so silly," Mark laughs, "You'll always be my best friend- wait scratch that-"
"I won't always be your best friend?"
"No! You will! But this is literally the best day ever and I have all this adrenaline and energy right now and if I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will, but all I'm saying is that I've been by your side for nearly 3 years now and you're literally my other half and it's so goddamn obvious that I like you so much and I really want to be your boyfriend. Okay, exhale Mark."
Your eyes widen at his confession and you slide away from him in shock, "Wait, really? You like me? You want to be my boyfriend?"
He looks at you like you just grew two heads, "Y/N, that's literally exactly what I said. Do you like me back?"
Shyness begins to creep out of you while your whole face flushes red. You've never been the type to be shy around Mark, even in the times his words and actions make you feel giddy.
"Mhm, you're my first real crush that developed when we met. I thought I'd grow out of it, but it kept getting stronger the closer we got," you admit.
The first day that Mark Lee walked into the practice rooms and got introduced to the trainees, you thought he was the cutest boy in the world. He was dorky and shy at first, but when he performed in front of you, he turned into a completely different person that made you fall for him even more.
The two of you were the same age and he was your deskmate in Korean lessons. Though Mark had grown up speaking Korean, he had never lived in Korea speaking it almost 100% of the time, so the company thought it would be good for him to join your lessons, especially to get training for the language he would be using as an idol.
The two of you became very fast friends and by the end of the month, you were chasing each other in the cafeteria and sharing food in corners with your own inside jokes.
His face breaks out into a grin, tackling you into a hug, "Aw, my little Y/N likes me back!"
You roll your eyes playfully and shove him off your body, "First of all, I'm 3 months older than you, and second of all, you have been spending way too much time with Donghyuck."
"Yeah that little devil rubs off on people," he sighs, "Whatever. Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"
"Wait, wait, wait. We have to consider the implications! Especially if you're debuting soon! Are we going to tell the company? How is this going to work?" you bombard him with questions, playing your part as the realist in this friendship, "Is this a good idea."
"I mean, half the hyungs have secret girlfriends so we can ask them for help and at least it helps that you're in the company with me so if they do find out it's easier to protect the both of us," Mark replies, "I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this, believe it or not. You keep me up awake at night sometimes."
"You're so cheesy," you mumble, turning away to hide your blushing face, "But I guess I do want to be your girlfriend- but what if we break up? I don't want to lose you as my best friend!"
"How about this then," he extends his pinky out to you, "Let's pinky swear that even if we break up and this relationship goes horribly wrong, we'll be best friends still. Forever and whenever."
His words are dripping with sincerity and it surrounds you like a blanket. There's no one in this world that you trust more than Mark Lee when you entwine your own pink around his and smile at him, "Always."
Your pinkies are still attached a minute later when he's looking at you with a goofy smile.
You glare at him, "What's going on in that big head of yours?"
"If we're dating, then does that mean I can kiss you?"
The thought of kissing Mark had admittedly crossed your mind more than you could bare to say out loud. You wanted to play it off cool- shove him and roll your eyes or something, but truthfully, you really did want to kiss your dorky best friend Mark Lee.
"I mean, I guess," you shrug, "If you want to."
"Ha ha, I do," he starts leaning in closer and your heart is beating faster.
This was it. You were going to kiss your best friend-turned-boyfriend in the middle of a practice room. He was going to be your first kiss too!
Mark's face is so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. You can tell he's never done this before with how slowly and nervously he's advancing, but you can see the hope in his eyes.
Your eyes flutter shut. Your lips are almost touching, just ghosting over each others.
"Wait!" you groan as he opens his mouth, "If I'm your first real crush, then who's your first crush overall?"
You smirk, "Jongin-oppa. Duh."
-
2022
This was the biggest concert of your career. Playing the Olympic Stadium had always just been a distant daydream - something to dream about just to amuse you or occupy time. You'd never thought that you would actually live to see the day when that dream came to fruition.
It wasn't even a realistic dream. No girl groups had ever played their own concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium, but your group was going to be the first.
Cameras were pointed all around you backstage as you prepared to go on for your opening.
"Leader, give us a pep talk," your bandmate Yana whines while nudging you. You gather in a circle, pretending you're not deafened by the noise of your fans screaming just past the partition, where they're waiting in anticipation.
The 5 of you lean closer, putting your heads together and your hands in the middle. Before that, you make sure to look at their faces carefully and examine each member's expressions.
Jian is a year older than you, but she's nervous as hell and can barely get any words out. You're not worried because she's proven time after time that she's born to be on stage and that she completely transforms in front of an audience showering her in love. Yana seems nervous too, but she's better at hiding it and it comes out through rambles of sometimes unintelligible speech. Erin is gripping her microphone tightly with a poker face, probably recalling all of her raps in her head quickly, even though you know it comes second nature to her. Your youngest, Kali, seems the most excited. That kid is the most fearless idol you've ever met and you're grateful for someone like her on the team.
As for you? Well, you're a mix of all of your members. It's coming up to a decade now since you started training and you still have to take everything that this career throws at you one by one. The feeling backstage is not exactly overwhelming- it's more pride and joy and excitement to be out there and perform the best concert you have to give.
"No one can ever take this away from us. We're the first freaking girl group to host a show here! We've worked so hard for this and we absolutely deserve it. Everyone out there is here for us, so we should give it our all and play the best show ever. Don't let your nerves get to you. Just relax and be the amazing and talented performers I know we all are," you breathe out, "I'm really thankful for you guys and I'm so happy to have you by my side with me for this. We're exactly where we should be. I really love you guys so much. Let's kill it, yeah? 3, 2, 1, Fighting!"
Your members release a chuckle and you all wrap your arms around each other in a group hug. Soon, your cues begin in your in-ear monitors and you break up to take your positions on the platform that will lift you up to the stage.
The concert starts off without a hitch. Everything is perfect and the energy you get as each song progresses is nothing like you've ever felt. The sea of fans is expansive and blinding and you still have to check you're not dreaming every few moments. You eventually settle into the stage and the concert slows down a bit with your solo performances.
Your company had encouraged you all to perform something of your own choosing and while you had a vast repertoire of songs tucked away on your GarageBand, they were mostly unfinished, too personal or waiting to be adapted to your group to go onto your future albums. The song had to be something that would only ever be just for you, but something you could bare to release into the world for everyone else to hear.
Okay, so maybe you let your emotions rule you and get the best of you. Maybe the song you chose was the wrong one to invite your fans to insert themselves into. Maybe it was too personal to sing a song about Mark Lee in front of the biggest crowd you'd ever played in your life, but when else could you?
The baby grand piano is gleaming in the centre of the stage and your blue dress is sparkling from the way the lights hit the crystals adorning the whole slip. You're admittedly more nervous about this, but you think it's more to do with the fact that you know Mark Lee is in the stadium, somewhere.
Your company had warned you that if you wanted to sing this song, you had to do a little speech before that would throw them off your scent, "Hi guys," you pause for their screams, "I know you guys enjoyed Kali's energetic dance and Jian's amazing original song! For my segment, I thought we could have a little chill time and not to dampen your spirits, but I wanted to show you guys this heartbreak track that I wrote after watching too many sad rom-coms. I really hope that none of you guys can relate and if anyone ever breaks your heart, just send them my way, okay? I hope you guys enjoy it. This is '21'."
You let out a deep breath and remind yourself that this was the right choice. Your fingers glide over the keys perfectly like it's muscle memory from the year you've been working on the song. You send a prayer to higher beings that Mark won't kill you as you begin the first lines.
"I missed your 21st birthday. I've been up at home; almost tried to call you, don't know if I should. Hate to picture you half-drunk, happy. Hate to think you went out without me. I'm sorry if you blame me, if I were you I would. Thought you'd see it coming, but you never could. I still haven't heard from your family, but you said your mom always loved me."
Mark celebrated your 21st birthday with you. Public dates were not a thing in your relationship, but this man made every effort to make the best out of your situation. He kicked out your members from your dorm after enlisting their help to decorate the place top to bottom in rose gold banners and balloons. After taking cooking lessons for weeks previously, he had then covered your dining table with expensive cloth and filled up two glasses with wine to go with the steak that he had perfectly cooked all for you. He then took you to the couch and serenaded you with a love song about how much you mean to him and how thankful he was for you. On top of all that, you had boxes and boxes of presents to unwrap that were all thoughtful, beautiful, or meaningful. Mark Lee was the perfect boyfriend.
For Mark's 21st birthday, you were sat cross-legged on your sofa with your phone placed on the table in front of you, face up. It was as if you were waiting for him to be the one to call when you were the one who broke his heart just a few weeks earlier and asked to not be friends.
You were drinking the wine that he poured for you on your birthday and you were half-drunk, punching in his number on your keypad, because even though you deleted his number, you already knew it off by heart. There was just something in you that refused to carry it through. You were a coward and Mark Lee celebrated his birthday without you for the first time in 7 years.
"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue. You were the love of my life since I was young. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under. I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again. I'll be the love of your life inside your head. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under."
Later on that night, you're lying wide awake and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you and Mark had decided to plaster all around your ceiling when you were bored one day. The crowd seemed to love the song thankfully and it was easy to get their energy back up. People placed meaning into everything idols did, so you weren't surprised at the people who were making guesses about your love life and the subject of the song. Whatever, they'd never get it right, anyway.
Your phone ringing cuts through the silence and you curse, hoping it won't wake up the other girls in the dorm. They're probably dead asleep from the high-energy concert anyway.
"You're still up?" his voice is grainy through the speaker.
"You're the one that called. Did you not want me to answer?" you quip back, "It's the adrenaline, I think."
"Thanks, Mark and thank the boys for me too, okay?" you instruct.
"Mhmm, of course," he replies, "That song you wrote was good, you know. But you might've as well called it 'Mark'."
You're laughing softly at his comment, "I should've changed the number, I know. But shut up- if you know it's for you, then why don't you follow my words? I said don't call me tonight."
"I've never been good at following rules when it comes to you," Mark sighs, "Plus, there's not a lot of times I can just call you up like this. At least I had something to say to you."
"You can always call if you want."
"Would you always answer?"
You pause to think, but Mark takes that as confirmation.
"Have you thought about what I said? 6 months ago when I asked if you wanted to be friends again? Or even get back together?"
"That question keeps me awake every night," you joke, "But today, when I was just looking out at the fans and greeting the idols that came backstage after the concert, it really made me think about how much I wanted to be doing all of this with you. I've always regretted what happened between us because it wasn't a choice I wanted to make. There are no words to describe the way that love manifests in front of you from the fans. I always find myself wishing you were still here by my side."
"Hm, cryptic. Is that an answer to my question or do I have to wait another 6 months to call you up and ask again?"
"How long are you going to keep asking?" you uttered, the feeling of disappointment taking over your body as you still couldn't find the courage to finally give in and allow yourself to be happy.
"Until you say yes again."
-
JULY 2020
The world was still shut as you knew it, yet you were halfway around the world from the place you grew to call home. Your company was generous to give you two months off to spend with your loved ones, and you chose to spend some time cooped up in your parents' house and your childhood home because even though there were so many quarantining requirements to get between the two countries, you hadn't seen your parents in almost 3 years.
Of course, you missed your members, but you lived with them and would continue to see them nearly every day for as long as you could keep your career going. Of course, you missed Mark, but it's not like you could go and see him anyway with the tough restrictions imposed on the Korean citizens.
There was also one big- scratch that- giant problem looming over your and your company's heads. The bane of your existence and public enemy number 1 Dispatch had dangled over your heads the threat of releasing the photos they had grabbed of you and Mark abroad in Vancouver at the start of the year. It wouldn't have been damning evidence considering it was the only photo set they had acquired of the two of you, but you were holding hands with your eyes clearly in view.Â
Your companies had threatened to sue, of course, but Dispatch has never been scared. Then, your companies tried to play the guilt-trip card and interrogate them on why they would care to do such a thing when the world was suffering enough as it is. Alas, nothing got through to Dispatch. Eventually, your companies surrendered to pay a preposterous amount to get rid of the problem and it probably didn't even make a dent in SM's savings, but it surely hurt your growing but small company even if SM took the majority of the bill.Â
It was completely eating you up and tearing your insides to know that because of your slip-up with Mark, the trainees in your company had to get their debut pushed back by a good probable few years.
Mark had been the perfect boyfriend, supporting you through your change to your new company and your short training period before your debut. Mark had been there to metaphorically hold your hand as you got to know the other girls and make lifelong sister bonds out of it. Mark had been there to cheer you on in the early mornings when you were doing your first few stages. Mark had been there when your first comeback did even better than your debut and propelled you to the top of the industry.
So why, oh why, were you thinking about whether being together is good for everyone involved? There you found yourself in a dark room, the phone next to your head as soft cries and hiccups escaped your lips.
"Baby, please tell me what's wrong. I hate when you cry and it's really hurting me that I'm not there with you right now. Do you want me to come there? Cause I will! I'll say I'm sick or something." he's rambling through the phone and you can hear that it's raining heavily in Seoul.
"Mark, you know that I love you right?"
"Of course I do," he coos gently, "And you're my once-in-a-lifetime great love. I love you too, baby. What's wrong?"
You don't even believe the words that come out of your mouth when you whisper them, "I can't do this anymore Mark. I think we need to break up."
"What? Y/N, this is not funny," his voice instantly turns serious.
"I'm sorry Mark, but I'm serious," you're sobbing at this point and you're surprised he can even still understand you, "I really don't want to do this but-"
"So why are you doing this? Look, let's just talk when you get back, okay? You're coming home soon, right? Or I can take a flight there, but baby, don't make these rash decisions- we're just missing each other."
"The guilt is eating me up, Mark," you confess in hushed tones, "I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. And every time I'm with you, I feel only this sense of anxiety about being caught together that I can't shake. I love you so much, Mark, but I don't know why I feel like this."
"Y/N, we've dealt with so much over the years and we've fought through everything together! We can work through this together, I promise. Just give me some time to think about what to do and everything will be okay-" he's crying now too and it breaks your heart to hear it because he barely ever cries, "I'll get the company to pay yours back what you paid to those assholes. Come on, baby."
"Mark," you whimper, "I ruined the company. I don't want to hurt my members either. Even if we admit to dating, imagine the hate that my group will face! I don't want to let them down any more than I already have."
"I'll tell the fans to not hate- Y/N just tell me what I can do to stop whatever this break-up idea in your head is. We're meant to be, Y/N. We're each other's perfect match."
"I don't love you any less, Mark. Please remember that. I need to do this for my members and for my company that took a leap of faith in me. I don't want to walk away from you, but I don't see any other choice. I don't want to hurt you or your members either. I can't be seen with you."
His voice is small and strained, "You're breaking my heart, Y/N."
"And I'm never going to forgive myself for it."
-
EARLY 2018
This was definitely the hardest decision of your life and it wasn't one that you took lightly either. It was something you had been thinking about for over a year and more intensely when the company started to press you on extending your exclusive training contract.
Herin Seo had entered SM just before you did and she lived and trained with you. She was your best friend outside of Mark and it broke your heart when she left the company only after 4 years in 2017. There were only a few months left on her contract, but she was desperate to get an out and an idol survival show finally gave her the motivation to break free.
Right now, she's taking the seat in front of you after setting down your favourite drinks from your favourite cafe that she still remembers, "Iced vanilla matcha latte for me and an iced oat latte for my best friend."
"Well better be soon because I'm leaving in 5 days," she pouts, "I'm sorry I could only come to visit for a short time."
"It's okay. I'm glad to see you anyway after all these months," you grin, "How's settling back in Manchester?"
"I mean it's always been home but it took me a few months to really get to grips with the fact that I wasn't leaving after a week like I did when I would visit during my training. It's really weird to know England is now my permanent home and that I'm going to start school again there," she looks outside the large window that overlooks the river, "I really really miss Seoul."
You take her hand and muster your best comforting smile, "I'm really sorry that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to."
"Ha, it's not your fault Y/N. I mean, you're in the same boat; what are you planning to do with this contract thing?"
You sigh at the age-old question that's been plaguing your mind for months. In fact, your meeting with the company to decide your future was tomorrow and you still had no concrete idea of what you wanted, "I really don't know Herin. SM has been everything I've known for 5 years and everyone I love is at the company. I don't even know how to switch agencies or what happens at other agencies. At the same time, I know they're planning for a group soon, but I have this feeling that I can't shake when I think about it. I look at Jimin and Minjeong and my sweet baby Yizhou and I don't think I'm what the company wants."
"But they've invested so much time and money into you!" Herin furrows her eyebrows, "Surely they're building a group around you, Yizhuo, Koeun, Lami, and Hina! We were a pre-debut team! They can't just disregard all of you guys, right?"
"I wouldn't put it past them," you're fiddling nervously with your hands, "They've been good to me, but they're a business at the end of the day. I'm so torn up and I was thinking you could help me. How did you know that you wanted to leave the company?"
She thinks for a while before answering your question, "Well the survival show was just the reason why I left before my contract was up, but I already knew that I wasn't going to stay on and re-sign. For me, it just felt like I had more to give, but the environment I was in wasn't letting me grow anymore. I felt like there was nothing more I could give to SM. Even though Idol School didn't work out for me, I was still glad that I went."
You nod along to her story, "I haven't told anyone about this Herin. Mark's been bugging me about my terms for re-signing my contract, so I don't think it's even fathomable for him for me to leave."
"It's about you, Y/N. This is your story, your career, and your decision. There are going to be a lot of people that are going to be hurt or angry, but they will never understand what you're going through. Especially not the people who already debuted," Herin advises, "Look, talk about it with Mark tonight, and don't leave it until after your meeting because that might hurt more, but if he really loved you and wanted what's best for you, he would trust in your decision."
"You're right Herin. Thanks for being there for me."
So, you called Mark later on that night to come over. You had cooked up a few dishes for you to share and asked your dorm mates if they could give you a few hours for some alone time. Telling Mark was definitely going to be hard, but you couldn't imagine the conversation with the girls, who were going to be the most hurt. You remember when Herin left- you weren't angry, but you were overwhelmingly sad about the thought of the girl you started your journey with not being there anymore. That was when you started to question if you should still be there too, but you were scared to instill this thought in your other younger trainees that maybe thought they still had a chance.
"Hi baby," Mark is beaming when you open the door to him. He quickly shuts the door behind him with his foot and wraps you up in a tight hug, making sure to plant a kiss on your lips and then all over your face, "I missed your gorgeous face so much- oh my God the apartment smells so good! What did you cook?"
"Just some beef and rice," you lead him over to the dining table with the food set out already.
"Oh my gosh, you're so amazing," Mark smooches your cheek affectionately and takes his seat on the table. You had lived at the dorm for your whole time at SM and along the way, Mark had chosen his own seat at your dining table for when you had dinners inside, which was almost every date you shared.
You start with small talk, letting him eat and enjoy his meal before you inevitably break a little bit of his precious heart. You hadn't seen Mark for a few days since he was busy with some schedules, so he tells you all about the boys and what they've been up to recently. They're working on the biggest project NCT has ever done so far- a full 18-member release- and it's going spectacularly well. The album itself was a few weeks out, but each unit had been dropping some songs along the way.
"Babe, the company is throwing a release party when the album drops in a few weeks! Isn't that so exciting? They actually asked us what food we want at the party so we're all going crazy. I think Hyuck asked for a fondue fountain, so I'm dying to see if they'll actually give that," he's chuckling, halfway through his plate, "Do you have any special requests?"
Okay, deep breath. Now's the time. It's all or nothing.
"Actually Mark, I invited you over to talk about something," you begin and the smile on his face drops at your warning tone, "Please don't be upset with me."
"Ah, what's wrong?" he's pouting and you have to look away to get the strength to say what you need to. If you looked in his eyes any longer, you would find some reason to convince you to stay just for him.
"My contract meeting is tomorrow," you gulp, "I'm going to leave the company, Mark."
The sound of his chair scraping against the floor makes you cringe, "What? Y/N, what? What do you mean you're leaving the company? Where are you going to go? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I just made up my mind today, Mark. I'm sorry I didn't confide in you, but this was a decision I had to make for myself," tears are welling up along your lash line, "I spoke to Herin today and I realised that the only thing making me stay any longer was you."
"But you're so close to debut!" he's arguing pleadingly, crouching beside you and holding your hand, "Babe, I can't imagine this company without you."
"I'm not Mark. You know that I'm not any closer to debut than I was when I joined 5 years ago. You're indispensable to this company, but I'm really not," you expressed, "I don't want to leave and I love you, your boys, and my girls, but I think this is what's best for me."
"But where are you going to go?" Mark sniffles, "I love you so much Y/N, but what's going to happen to us?"
You shake your head at his insinuations, "No, Mark. Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to us and I'll make sure that whatever company I join will know about us and protect us. I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me for this."
He stands up and wraps his arms around you from above, "I'm sorry for reacting this way Y/N, but there's nothing for you to be sorry for. I trust you, okay? I love you and I want you to do what's best for you. I know I can't make decisions for you, but I'll try my best to support you however I can."
You look up at him with adoration dripping from your eyes, "I love you, Mark. We're going to be okay, yeah?"
He brings his head down and connects your lips in the most love-filled way that your heart explodes in that familiar overwhelming feeling that Mark always seems to do to you, "We're going to be okay, baby."
-
LATE 2022
The world was playing a sick joke on you- it really was. There was no way your whole career wasn't just some April Fools' prank or that you weren't just the main target of some joke show.
You always prided yourself on being close with the company's staff and higher-ups. As a leader of your group, you felt that it was integral to your success that you were able to communicate your wishes and worries to the company and this gave you more creative freedom too. Apparently, the company too was getting more comfortable with you.
"What did you just say?" your eyes were incredulous, peering towards your sheepish CEO, "That's actually the worst idea I've ever heard in my life."
"Look, Y/N, you wanted a feature on your song," your CEO chuckles at your response, "I think this is an amazing idea."
"You're literally giving Dispatch a green light to release those photos. Do you want me to email you a picture of me and Mark making out so you can just tweet it from the official account?" you counter, "Why in the hell would having my ex-boyfriend feature on my solo debut title track be anything short of a terrible idea?"
"Mark is incredibly famous and incredibly talented," she begins, counting with her fingers, "You have high standards. We have a good relationship with SM Entertainment. Your fans love shipping the two of you together since you're in the same age group."
"He's also my ex-boyfriend. Is that not extremely problematic? Everyone will hyper analyse every interaction we have or have had and then they're actually going to figure out that we dated." you ponder, "The worst part of this all is that I know he would say yes if his company lets him."
"Exactly- he's your ex-boyfriend, not your current one. By all logic, he's now just another fellow idol or colleague that you can collaborate with. Anyway, SM will definitely say yes; look how many of their idols are in relationships or at least feature on tracks."
"This is all Crush and Joy's fault," you groan, looking at the pleased expression on your CEO's face knowing that she had won the argument.
When your company proposed the idea of having a solo debut to you half a year ago, you had vehemently declined the opportunity, citing it wouldn't be beneficial to your group as a whole and that you wanted to be known for your group and not your individuality. Your members, on the other hand, had different ideas and talked you into at least hearing out the company. You had really only agreed to the debut when they told you that they would give you full musical freedom and the help that you personally requested. It only seemed like a good idea when you realised that someone in the group needs to be the one to start doing solo activities so the rest of the group can follow suit. You've always known that Jian has been curious about acting.
So you find yourself swiveling in your chair in the studio, waiting for Mark to find his way to the room. It's your first time working together for your solo debut and the last time you had spoken to him was a text he sent you asking if you actually wanted him to feature on the track before he gave a response to his company. You begrudgingly replied a yes because even though you still didn't think it was a good idea, you couldn't imagine yourself working with anyone other than Mark. The industry was crazy sometimes.
The knocking on the door snapped you out of your thoughts and you jumped up to open it to Mark Lee holding two cups on the other side.
"Hey pretty. I got us some coffee," he pushes a cup into your hand and you move aside to let him in, "How are you?"
"Don't call me pretty," you mumble as you turn away to hide the blush starting to appear on your cheeks, "But I'm okay. It's getting busier with the holidays coming up, so you know how that is, but the company thought this time was a great time to work on my debut."
"I feel you," Mark grimaces, taking a seat on the other spinning chair, "Don't tell anyone but Dream is actually having another comeback. It's going to be out just before Christmas."
"Another one?" your eyes widen in shock, "But you just released 2 Baddies and I know you definitely have a repackage soon!"
"Yeah, it's hard to be part of both units," he sighs, "Cause our new album will be over 6 months out from Beatbox, but only 3 months from 2 Baddies. Whatever, you know I love what I do."
"Doesn't mean you don't get tired," you cross your arms, "Now I feel bad having you on this track. You are way too busy, Mark! Why didn't you or your company say no?"
He shakes his head to reassure you, "Nah, trust me Y/N; you're exactly the break I need from the boys. Besides, I've never had the chance to formally work with you, so why would I give up the opportunity when it comes? We always made a great team back then."
You smile fondly, thinking about all those times when you and Mark were young teenagers and would huddle up in the practice rooms writing songs together and creating melodies on your guitars.
"I guess we did. Anyway, have a listen to this track. It's just something I wrote a while ago, but it always seemed unfinished so I thought that a feature would complete it," you hand him a pair of headphones and gesture over to your laptop with the track already loaded up, "If you like it, you can do your part in the second verse, but otherwise we can start from scratch."
You watch his face as he listens to the song and you're endeared to find out he still carries the same habit of letting his face do all the talking whenever he's listening to something new. His head is bobbing up and down as he nods along to the song and you can easily tell which parts he likes.
"So, what do you think?" you inquire.
He has a grin on his face, "I love it! Honestly! It's a cute song about a crush, I guess?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to go with any song that's lyrically strong for my debut. This song's pretty unassuming and you know how important it is to the companies to have a general public-friendly song," you shrug. They didn't really explicitly give you guidelines, but you knew what the company was really looking for- a hit, "Can you work with that beat? I'll send you the song of course and you don't have to rush or anything."
"I'll see what I can do," Mark teases, "Can I get an insider sneak peek at the rest of the album? You know, feature perks and all of that."
You flush even redder than when he complimented you earlier, "I'm going to be so honest Mark, the whole album is about you. Every song I've written is about you."
He shrugs casually, "I would've figured. You're a big inspiration to my writing too. Is that a no, then?"
You decide that there was no point shying away from Mark's request, considering that he would end up hearing each and every song whenever your album came out anyway. Plus, the two of you were artists and you understood being each others' muse- good or bad. Mark had seen you in every vulnerable state possible. Showing him your songs that you were comfortable enough to release to the public anyway was nothing to you.
"You can listen."
You don't bother giving Mark any explanations for any song- he's the one that lived through these experiences with you. You leave him with your tracklist on the laptop and tell him you would leave him for a few moments to grab some lunch for the two of you in the company cafeteria. You were hoping it was going to be a quick trip down and back up, but you had run into a producer you were also working with on the album, and that gave Mark at least 5 songs worth of time alone.
What you hadn't expected upon returning was to find Mark crying softly, his sweater paws rubbing at his eyes.
"Mark? Are you crying?"
Your surprise caused him to jump up and frantically wipe away his tears, "Ha. That's a really sad album, huh?"
The guilt continues to eat you up from the inside out, "I'm not going to release all of them, I think. A few sad songs and fill the rest in with inconspicuous tracks."
"Well your songs are beautiful anyway," he gives you a pained smile, "You're an amazing writer. I just wish I wasn't the cause of your pain."
"Hey," you scold softly, bumping his arm with yours, "Don't say that. You were nothing but amazing to me. You made me so happy. It was just the circumstances around us."
He chuckled bitterly to himself, "If we weren't famous- if this industry wasn't so vicious, I would still have you?"
"Mark," you warn, but he cuts you off.
"Have you thought about what I asked you?" he interrupts, "It's been a year, you know? I still miss you."
"Mark, it's not that easy," you counter, "Nothing's changed!"
"It's either you want to be with me or you don't. Don't skirt around it and just tell me the truth, okay? It would really make working together easier if I know where we stand. I won't stop fighting for us until you tell me to stop, so tell me what you want, Y/N," Mark pleads, standing up to face you, "I'm sorry for springing it out of nowhere, but I need to know. I can't move on until I know to let you go."
You hate yourself for what you did to Mark. He was the boy that taught you how to love and how to love patiently, sincerely, and passionately. He was the boy that held your hand and rubbed your back when you cried and the boy that celebrated every success with you. He was the boy that told you how proud he was of you, even every time you felt like the world was collapsing around you. He was the boy who would lay kisses on your forehead and whisper sweet nothings in your ear whenever you faced another setback. He was the boy that made flowers bloom out of your heart from his kind gestures and the way he showed you how much he loved you. And if nothing else, Mark was the boy that made you happy.
"Mark," you meet his eyes and melt all over again, "It's you, Mark."
Mark wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you tighter. The other hand reaches up to your face to brush your hair out of your face and cradle your cheek as he brings it up to his own face. Your noses are almost touching as Mark lays it all bare for you, "Do you love me or do you not, Y/N?"
"I do," the feeling is cathartic when you finally tell him and when he finally presses his lips in a searing kiss that sets off all the fireworks in your heart. The feeling of Mark is familiar, but the kiss is longing and hopeful and you can't get enough.
You're both panting when he breaks the kiss and he rests his forehead against yours as he laughs softly in relief. He's been waiting to do that for over 2 years.
"I need you back, Y/N. It's been the worst 2 years of my life," he whispers against your lips, "Please come back."
You smile when he opens his eyes. They're that shade you grew to love all those years ago and they're sparkling like the day he first asked you to be his girlfriend.
Nothing's changed in your environment, that's for sure. What you're also sure about is that each time you see Mark again, you feel a little braver and more courageous. Each time Mark tells you that he loves you even though you shattered his heart like glass, you feel like his love can get you through anything. Maybe you needed those 2 years to see what you were missing or maybe you were just stupid.
Whatever. All you know now is that even 2 years on, Mark Lee is still begging for your love and your brain is losing out in its battle against your heart. It might've taken you two years, but now you see that all you need is Mark Lee by your side to get through the torrential storm that was heading your way and that you were going to get out on the other side to a bright and sunny sky, as long as he was holding your hand and leading you.
You place a kiss on his lips that tells him all he needs to know, "I'm here, Mark. It's always been you. You've always been the one. Always."
ð¬ð®ðŠðŠðð«ð²: you miss Mark, but heâs busy with work and youâre busy with school, so your relationship lives through a computer screen.
ð ðð§ð«ð: fluff, established relationship, semi-secret relationship, mark sings you to sleep :(
ð°ðšð«ð ððšð®ð§ð: 2.3k
ð/ð§: soft boyfriend mark is the only mark that matters. iâve had this in my drafts since 2018...
11:48 pm
12 more minutes until youâd get to see him again.Â
You sighed as rays of blue light danced on your skin. You hadnât heard from Mark in 2 weeks. His schedule had gotten so hectic preparing for the Dream comeback and the 127 tour, he hardly had time to think, let alone call you. Markâs absence was difficult, but it was understandable. He was doing what he loved, even if it meant being sleep-deprived, overworked, and under-appreciated. You hated how the idol life took its toll on him, but he constantly reassured you that he was fine.Â
With bags under his eyes, ever-so-slightly slumped shoulders, and a jitter in his fingers, he told you he was fine. So you told him you believed him, even though it split your heart in two to watch him suffer. You never wanted to pry because it might stress him out to really talk about his feelings, so the time you spent together was treated like an escape from reality; An escape from fame for Mark, and an escape from academia for you.Â
Mark would tell you about a funny thing that Haechan did in the dorms, or read you a poem he had written while in the car heading to dance practice. Your favourite was when he would bring out his guitar and pluck haphazard melodies as you watched him through the screen. Then Mark would ask you about your day, and youâd tell him about the quaint little cafe you stumbled into after an exam, or the squirrels that you fed at the bus stop on your way to school.Â
The few times that Mark would actually tell you about his NCT activities, heâd rave about how amazing tour practice has been, and how he wanted you in the crowd with him. On those days, youâd have to remind Mark that you couldnât be anywhere near his professional activities because the chances of one of you slipping up and giving nosy fans or intruding journalists a reason to speculate Markâs romantic life were too high.Â
Then youâd fall into a suffocating silence until one of you changed the subject.Â
11:58 pm
2 more minutes until youâd get to see him again.
Your heart melted into the floor as you tussled with the wires of your earphones. Shouldâve just bought those Airpods, you thought to yourself. You opened up your laptop, hands shaking as you navigated toward the Facetime app. A green dot appeared next to your laptop camera, and you stared into your reflection. You analyzed the background presented on the screen with a sigh. Your room was a mess. Worse than it usually was. You pushed yourself out of your desk chair, practically sprinting around your bedroom trying to make it seem presentable. Mark had seen your bedroom in every manifestation, from organized to sloppy, but it had never been this bad.Â
You tossed the dirty clothes laying on your bed into a hamper before adjusting your duvet. Your textbook sat open on your pillow, reminding you that youâd have to finish whatever chapter you were on once you were done indulging in fantasyland with Mark. You threw your bookmark into the bind of the textbook before slamming it closed. Reality could wait until tomorrow morning. The stuffed panda Mark gave you leaned on your headboard, greeting you with its permanent smile. Mark won the stuffed animal for you at a carnival in Chicago when he was on tour. He told you that the moment he saw it, he knew he had to win it for you. 45 minutes and $60 later, the panda was looped under Markâs arm for the entirety of the tour until he was finally able to bring it back home to you.Â
12:00 am
Your ears perked at the unmistakable melody ringing from your laptop.Â
[Mark <3 is calling]
Your feet carried you to your computer in what felt like half a second. You plopped down onto your chair, fixing your hair before putting in your earphones and navigating toward the answer button.
âYeobooooo,â Markâs voice flooded your ears, allowing a riptide to form in your heart.
âMaaaarrrk,â you reply as the corners of your mouth began to upturn. You felt your cheeks warm up at the sight of Mark. He was dressed in an oversized grey hoodie, with flat hair, and his round glasses. You loved when he wore his glasses. Youâd always teased him, calling it harry potter cosplay, but he was undeniably adorable.Â
âOh, God, you donât even know how much Iâve missed you. Iâve been talking about you so much that Johnny actually banned me from talking about you,â Mark chuckled, â$2 fine every time I mention your name,â Mark explained. You felt your heart flutter knowing that Mark missed you as much as you missed him.
âTell me about it. My friends groan whenever I bring you up when weâre hanging out on campus. Iâve been insufferable without you,â you sigh.
âGlad to know weâre in the same boat.â Markâs hearty laugh warms your ears. âHowâs school?â he continues.Â
âItâs fine. Just the usual; tests, quizzes, labs, annoying professors, blah, blah. Howâs idol life?â You ask.
âSame old. Dance practice, recordings, youtube content, variety shows, same as it always is,â Markâs reply matches yours, embodying the mutual frustration with the repetitive monotony of your lives that you both feel.Â
âI get it. Itâs nice seeing you for a change, even if Iâm technically not actually seeing you. I like hearing your voice.â You fiddle with your earphone wires.
âYeah, I wish I could reach through the screen and just be there with you. Iâve really missed seeing you in person. Hearing your laugh, the way your nose crinkles, how warm your hugs always are,â Mark trails. You couldnât help but smile at his words. You missed him more than youâd ever missed anyone.Â
âYeah, it sucks a lot. You know, at one point I started listening to those ASMR phone call things on youtube that your fans make of you. Theyâre actually quite well done,â You confess, opting to stare at your laptop keys instead of Mark.
âASMR phone calls? I didnât even know those existed,â he replied. He sounded more amused than weirded out. Mark was never judgemental, especially when it came to you.Â
âOh, well you do now I guess.âÂ
âI guess I need to record one of our phone calls so I have something to listen to as well,â Mark joked.
âIâve sent you like 200 voice recordings in the past, though,â you laugh. Whenever something happened at school and you didnât feel like typing, you would send Mark voice recordings of you detailing the events that had occurred. Mark always preferred those as he felt as though he were having a real-life conversation with you.Â
âOh yeah. I hadnât even thought about that. Iâve just been suffering without your voice for no reason.â Mark pushed up his glasses. âHey, is that the panda I got you?â He says as he leans further into his laptop camera to peek more into your bedroom.Â
âOf course. Iâve kept it on my bed since you gave it to me. It still sort of smells like you,â You say as you get up from your chair and walk toward the panda.
âProbably because it was in my suitcase for like 2 months before I could give it to you,â Mark laughs. You give the panda a squeeze before walking back to your chair, placing the panda on your lap.
âI like it. It feels like youâre here even when youâre across the world,â You gaze at the panda once more. Noting how its right ear has started to flop down with time.Â
âWhen do I get to see you?â Mark asks, adjusting the hood of his sweater.
âIâve got three more weeks until the semester ends,â You say as you glance quickly at the calendar hung above your desk.Â
âIâve got three more weeks until the tour starts,â He sighs.
âSo that gives us⊠2 days?â You squint.
â2 days,â Mark confirmed.
âIs that enough time?â Your fingers start to tinker with the leg of the stuffed panda.
âIf youâre willing to be a night owl, then it should be perfect,â He replied, running his hand through his dark hair.Â
You and Mark hardly ever hung out during the day because of the risk of fans or sasaengs spotting you in public. So youâd usually hang out through the middle of the night, hanging out in parks, taking walks through your neighbourhood, or sneaking him into your house so you could watch movies together. It wasnât ideal, but just being with him was enough.Â
âI think itâll work,â you smile.Â
âOh! Do you wanna hear something Iâve been working on?â Mark perks up, looking around his desk for a moment before locking eyes with something off-screen.Â
âOf course.â You straighten your posture in your seat, anticipating whatever Mark has stored for you. Mark reaches over until his body is out of frame. He returns with his acoustic guitar in hand.Â
âOkay, itâs a work in progress, and I donât really have any lyrics for it, but I thought the melody was cool.â Mark begins strumming the guitar, closing his eyes as he allowed the melody to float from his fingers.Â
It was beautiful. The melody was soft and sweet, a contrast to most of 127âs songs. He began humming along to the guitar, possibly singing what he imagined the lyrics should sound like. The song was pretty, even through the slightly muffled audio from your earphones. You leaned your head into your hands, watching him get lost in his music. It was amazing to watch him. You could only hope to find something that made you feel half as passionate as Mark was with music. His sleepless nights were worth everything in the world if it meant he got to create music.Â
âHow was that?â He asks, opening his eyes to gauge your reaction.Â
âIt was perfect, Mark.â
âReally?â He raised an eyebrow at you. He was always so hypercritical of his own work.Â
âYeah, I really loved it.â you nod, âDo you know what you want the song to be about?â You continued.Â
âYeah. I think I want to make it a love song about a boy who meets a radiant girl that he canât stop thinking about,â Mark looks at you expectantly, holding back his signature ping-pong giggle.Â
âWould it be a stretch to assume that the song is about me?â you raise your eyebrows at him.Â
âNot a stretch at all. The song is absolutely about you,â Markâs smile seems to warm the atmosphere of your room.Â
âSo, would you release it with the group?â you glance at the mini NCT poster decorating your wall.Â
âI think I would want it to be a solo song.â He tilts his head, quirking his eyebrows.Â
âA solo?â your voice perks.
âYeah, I mean if that ever happens again. I feel like it would be refreshing compared to the concept that I currently have going on.â Mark motions with his hands.
âI agree. The duality of man,â you joke.Â
âAnd itâll be like our secret special song or something. Only we would know that itâs about us,â He continues.Â
âWell, us and the rest of your bandmates would know,â you say.Â
âRight,â He smooths out the sleeve of his hoodie.Â
âI really like watching you perform, Mark.â you lean closer to your camera, watching the way Mark becomes bashful under your gaze.Â
âThank you,â he whispers. His eyes remain locked on his keyboard as he scratched his forehead. He always got awkward when you complimented him.Â
âIâm really proud of you, Mark. Even if the company takes you for granted, I see the effort you put into everything, and all I can say is that I think youâre phenomenal. Youâre so talented, Mark. Everything that you do leaves me in awe,â You continue.Â
Mark pauses for a moment, allowing your words to sink in, âI love you,â he replies.Â
âI love you too, Mark.â You smile.Â
âDo you wanna hear something else?â Mark asks, reaching for his guitar once again. You nod. You bring your knees to your chest, allowing your head to rest on them as you wait for him to start playing his next piece. You spent the next hour joking around, trying to come up with the most absurd lyrics as Mark strummed his guitar.
3:02 am
Your snores peppered Markâs ears as he watched you through the computer screen. Youâd fallen asleep accidentally about 30 minutes ago, but he didnât have the heart to end the Facetime call because it meant he wouldnât be able to see you again for a while. Mark placed his guitar on the floor before reaching for his phone. Your upper body was still in the frame as your head was leaning onto the desk. He could see the soft rise and fall of your shoulders through the pixelated screen. Mark always thought you were adorable when you slept. Your cheeks always puffed up and your mouth would twitch occasionally. Mark opened his camera app, laughing to himself as he zoomed in on your sleeping face. He snapped 3 photos before he started looking through them. Mark laughed again as he clicked on his favourite photo, making it your new contact photo. He sent the same photo as a text message to you, as a fun surprise for when you wake up. He closed his phone, opting to look at you once more. She looks peaceful, he thought to himself. The stress of school-work or exams didnât matter to you when you were in slumber, and it made Markâs heart swell. All he wanted was for you to be happy. Mark takes off his glasses, placing them down as he lays his head on his desk, mimicking your position.