#leave me alone or be fucking nice to me

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

guy who so desperately tries to find god. who wants to have faith in a higher authority to guide him out of the hole he's in. from the weight of guilt from simply existing, as the person he is. but every time he thinks he's answered his higher calling it turns out he's made the Morally Incorrect choice and his path to goodness and holiness was the road to the devil all along

#now trusting god will give you a way out? there's your real crime!!! #guy betrayed by the protestant promise of a direct connection with god. but is also somehow. joan of arc. #see he never achieves actual martyrdom tho bc he's not allowed to stay dead lmaooo #sam somehow the most unintentionally catholic AND protestant character of all time #dean the atheist who sees religious predestination as the curse it is from the get go. framed as the narrative's Real Moral Authority #but also in the process reifying patriarchal familial power n authority. very very important Value of the Church #i don't think it's that deep. the show's attempt at critiquing christianity. but the way it reinforces christian cultural values??? #'religious predestination and absolute faith in a higher authority...bad' #nice nice ok tell me more? #“so you should put your faith in family. in your patriarch (big brother)” #????????? #the thematic incoherence of it all. it's like the world's stupidest puzzle box to me. i can't leave it alone. #sam = maybe i can find god thru following my destined path. wait oh shit. #cas = maybe i can find god thru rebellion and seeking my own destiny. wait oh shit. #dean = god is fucking dead and me i also feel not so good #the “guy who so desperately wants to find god parallel” <- me coming out as a secret sastiel fan #both of them...finding god in de-[sniper on the roof kills me in one shot] #spn bible studies #j.txt

[graciousdragon]

OH MY FUCKING GOD

I JUST WENT TO MY LOCAL HOT TOPIC THAT I'VE BEEN GOING TO FOR LIKE. 5 OR 6 YEARS NOW RIGHT??

I GOT SOME MCR STUFF BECAUSE. OF COURSE. IF YOU'VE SEEN MY RECENT POSTING HABITS YOU KNOW. THE BRAINROT IS REAL

I WAS TALKING WITH THE CASHIER ABOUT THEM BECAUSE HE WAS ALSO A FAN AND HE FUCKING SAYS "you wanna know a fun fact? this is the hot topic the lead singer used to work at! :D"

FUCKING WHAT

GERARD WAY USED TO WORK AT MY LOCAL FUCKING HOT TOPIC?!?

AND AFTER I LEFT I LOOKED IT UP TO MAKE SURE HE WASN'T FUCKING WITH ME AND YEAH. HE WAS RIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK

SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS THIS IS LIKE. WORLD-SHATTERING INFORMATION TO ME AND HE JUST DROPPED THAT SHIT SO CASUALLY WHAT THE HELL BRO. I NEEDED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS SOMEWHERE

#rys.txt #tw caps #caps #LIKE. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? #I KNEW THEY WORKED AT A HOT TOPIC WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER BUT I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT ONE #ok. its ok i'm normal now (i'm not) #on another note. why are all hot topic employees like the nicest people on this earth. at least they are at mine #they always greet you when you walk in and ask if you need help and if you don't they leave you alone which is nice #and then when you check out they're always really chill and don't rush you and if you're buying or wearing something they also like they'll #talk about it with you #like. i know you have to be nice to people for a retail/customer service job like that but it always feels really genuine from them #same thing goes for spencer's employees too they're also like that #idk its just really nice for someone like me who's scared shitless of social interaction with strangers. it makes me way less anxious 👍 #anyways. light and love everyone 💖 i'm gonna go recover from learning that information now #my chemical romance #mcr #gerard way

[sky-is-the-limit]

Fucking mascs with their fucking eyebrow slits and fucking toned arms like fucking bend me over already fuck

#and their fucking manspread and fucking nice hands and fucking pretty eyes fuck #like leave me and my uterus alone unless you're gonna ruin my ability to walk #just saw the finest masc on tiktok and I'm losing it #wlw #masc #femme4masc #lesbian #bisexual #wlw nsft #wlw ns/fw #masc lesbian #butch

[hella1975]

11pm in manchester airport plane landed at 10pm after being DELAYED AND ANNOYING AND EVERYTHING WRONG WITH RYANAIR for over an hour. when is my train home from this godforsaken city you ask? 5am. good job im stuck in arrivals where there are no coffee shops or even regular charging ports haha. so glad to be spending the next six hours sat by the squeaky baggage claim machine. thank god my mum was sympathetic about it right haha… right????

#YELLINGGGG GET ME OUTTTT OF HEREEEE #WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO DO FOR 6 HOURS 😭 #like yeah if i could amble about duty free coffee shops for a bit like i originally planned I’d be golden a bit bored but fine #BUT THIS??? THIS LOOKS LIKE THE BACKROOMS IVE BEEN HERE ONE HOUR AND WANT TO END IT ALL #WHY IS THIS AIRPORT LIKE THIS 😭 MANCHESTER THIS IS WHY NO ONE WANT YOU FR #called my mum like ‘I’m not being dumb right there’s no shops or anything after arrivals it’s just the exit’ #bc if I leave arrivals I am NOT allowed to re-enter so I won’t even get this dogshit area that is at least indoors and covered #so I’m NOT chancing that shit #and she was SO FUCKING UNHELPFULLL she literally was just like ‘I dunno’ & when I complained she went ‘what were you expecting? a hotel?’ #LIKE GIRL THE REASON IM HERE ON MY OWN IS BC THE FRIEND THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY AT THE AIRPORT WITH ME HAD TO MAKE OTHER PLANS #BC HER PARENTS LITERALLY WERENT OKAY WITH HER STAYING HERE FOR SO LONG LIKE THAT #IM LITERALLY A YOUNG GIRL ALONE IN THE AIRPORT FOR THE NEXT 6 HOURS AND NOT EVEN THE PART OF THE AIRPORT YOURE SUPPOSED TO WAIT IN #THAT’S WEIRD. YOU’RE WEIRD #I DO NOT KNOW THIS CITY. LIKE THAT IS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL I DO NOT KNOW MANNY AND IM ALONE AND IT’S NIGHTTIME. WHAT THE FUCK AND HELL #AT LEAST BE FUCKING NICE OH MY GODDD #anyway. just saw a jesus i bet on losing dogs edit. what was that about

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

okay i was gonna make a post about how migraines feel like taking constant minecraft damage except your health bar is infinite, BUT UH. @staff WHY IS MY DESKTOP DASH COMPLETELY FUCKING REARRANGED. PUT IT BACK THIS SUCKS

#EXCUSE ME??? EXCUSE ME!!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! #ITS LITERALLY BORDERLINE UNUSABLE WHY IS EVERYTHING MOVED AROUND? #AND ITS CLUTTERED AS FUCK? #like im not claustrophobic BUT THIS NEW LAYOUT IS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM #i hate this!!! i hate it!!!! #usually updates are like 'well we moved some of your furniture while you werent looking' #and like yeah its disorienting #BUT WITH THIS ONE THEY REBUILT THE ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE WHILE I WAS PASSED OUT #THIS IS NOT MY HOME WTF #the desktop dash was so nice! it was spread out! it was simple! #it felt cozy and welcoming! #THIS DASH WANTS ME GONE #tumblr update #absolutely unprompted #every day tumblr starts sliding towards the reason i completely quit instagram #which used to be my main site #that reason: cluttering #too much stuff in my face all the time #why does this site keep making Worse and Worse changes like leave it alone!!!! #cosmetically its fine!!! if its not broke dont fix it! #everyday i wake up and theres fuckin Something. damn #i hate this i hate this i hate this #PUT IT BACK. PLEASE! #maybe im overreacting but im genuinely so unsettled and disheartened by this #now i gotta fucking relearn the entire dash and get used to this squished n squeezed n cluttered Bullshit #tumblr: we want to welcome the new people! #tumblr: *starts alienating their (loyal) main/og userbase* #why.... just Why.... there is no good reason for this....

[merakiui]

azul has that single dad on vacation vibe nailed to a T in that new card and i’m going insane. i will be his wifey so he never again has to be a single dad on vacation

He's literally this:

But it's okay because he makes it look so good. orz I will also be his wifey so that when he has his next vacation trip he won't be alone. <3 anything to make dilf Azul happy hehe!!! >:3c

#twisted chit chat #there's the most terrible itch to write summer smut fics for the cast of the event... #those summer outfits have me in a chokehold #i want to write a silly fic where ace and floyd have a competition to see who can rizz up the most people on their tropical vacation #but floyd takes it too far and it goes from a rizz competition to seeing how many people you can kiss/fuck in a day #and poor riddle doesn't want to lose because the loser has to drink whatever alcoholic beverage of the winner's choice #and everyone assumes riddle will lose so they're all planning to make him drink this huge margarita #that will definitely give him a horrible hangover so he tries to rizz you because you seem nice enough to reject him #but maybe you like his sincere awkwardness hehe #it's a very silly plotless idea but the cast swearing on 'whatever happens on this tropical vacation stays at the tropical vacation' #is a fun mindset that they all agree upon #maybe it's a fic where they celebrate after they've graduated so it's one final trip of silly antics before they all have to focus on life #omg maybe they're drinking and daring each other to do silly things and everyone (except for jack) is dogpiling on riddle with absurd dares #like 'i bet you can't get that person's number' or 'i bet you can't get them to fuck you' T_T leave riddle alone everyone!!!!! #i have too many ideas in my mind orz #i'll stop rambling before these tags become far too long ;;;;;

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[peribytes]

THE BITCH IS BACK, BABES !!

#NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #THE ANIMAL IS OUT OF HIS CAGE. THE ANIMAL IS FREE. #FUCK THAT PLACE. SHITHOLE OF A PLACE #i have a word or two for my doctor and it starts with F and Y #i got no help. zero. whatever they said i have already learned from the internet. lol. #also my anxiety was so bad in there i lost 4 pounds from a poor appetite. #and they gave me fuckin. lithium #my parents were SO MAD when i told them over the phone #anyway #i'm home and i couldn't be happier about it #just the thought of being trapped in that place makes me wanna vom <3 #oh yeah i was put in the detox unit instead of the one for mental disorders or whatever it is #my dad was very mad i was put in with the alcoholics and drug addicts but they were very nice people #i was able to come out of my shell and have conversations with them pretty easily #that is the ONLY positive thing i can say about my entrapment #i missed you guys so much. i really missed my family #god and now they're gonna call me tomorrow morning to talk about whateverthefuck #and i gotta call my doctor in a week #god i don't wanna talk to these people anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE

[aninkwellofnectar]

there is truly no gut-wrenching betrayal worse than when a creative friendship dissolves and you have to peel back the layers of gaslighting, condescension and passive aggression to uncover how deep the sneering dismissal for your work went with this person. being called a hack to my face would literally have been far kinder than to be equated to a male writer who writes sexual assault for shock value behind my back 🤪

#from my writing desk #if you think that low of me and my writing fuck off and leave me alone #don't lie to my face so that you can piggyback off of me and call it 'community' #this is literally why i cannot deal with faux niceness. you are not kind. you are a coward and an asshole. #i've been trying very hard to repress my anger about this but it still flares from time to time #ig i am not someone who ~rises above quite so easily

[rapidhighway]

trying to feel happy in life but I have a father

#literally if he could never speak to me again that would be soo awesome #just leave me alone omg #he even came to me today liek ooh i want to hear about your problems what's stopping you from finishing your assignments how can we fix it #and i just said i dont know cause he's going to discredit everything i say and whatever problem i have he doesn't actually give a shit #but then i ended up saying something about stress and GUESS WHAT #of course he wants to know what problem i have just so he can berate me for not dealing with it and actually im faking it all anyway #im so fucking tired man #aough #and i was having a nice day

[heresiae]

So, it happened, Mother and Sister finally broke me and I don't want to be involved in any way anymore in their fucking war (not sure if it's a was when only one of them has declared it, but anyway...)

And yes, I am still deeply upset that Mother abused psychologically Sister since she was 7 (we have 6 years of difference and I stopped living regularly at home since I was 14, I was not there to witnessed it) and Mother often manipulated me in reinforcing the abuse with me none the wiser (Sister told me everything only a few years ago), but the point is, I still love my mother and she's the only parent I have left.

I love my sister, nobody is more important in my life than my sister, I would kill and die for her, but she's over 30 now, refusing therapy or direct confront with Mother and I'm tired to be in the middle.

To say it in Italian, Hanno rotto il cazzo (literally, "They broke my dick", English is not very good for this kind of phrases... you're missing out, you know? Translated would be, "I'm sick of their bullshit").

So, Mother wants to drop down unannounced to Sister because she's refusing to answer her calls and also ripped her a new one a couple of weeks ago when Mother was pushing me again? Good, but she will not stay with me and I will not keep her plan a secret.

Sister is angry at Mother for various reasons? I will not coddle her anymore. She either confronts mother or her feelings with therapy but that's enough.

I'm tired. I exhausted by years and years of two neurodivergency never diagnosed or even considered. I'm about to be 40. The future is bleak (especially the environment). I'm single, so I'll probably end up alone if I don't get the energies to go back on the dating scene. I'm not able to keep my house anymore or the discipline to exercise at least once a week.

They either sort their shit out or they don't. I don't care. I'm done.

#why is my family like this #I just want to live quietly #I swear there is more drama in my family than a soap #I and don't even know the half of it #I still can't forgive Father to opt out like that and leaving me alone with this shit #hey lets have an heart attack and jump the gun leaving my family to deal with my 300 radios and a lot of unresolved feeling #nicely done dad #fuck

[fantasticalleigh]

severe weather and hail storm/ tornado watch today... :/

you'd think i'd be used to this by now since we get a couple severe storms and tornado watches like this every spring

BUT IT'S FEBRUARY

last year we had such high winds in my area that pieces of everyone's roofs were flying around the neighborhood

i heard a loud scrape and looked out my window and saw a large piece of siding had come off our roof and landed in our neighbor's yard

and then another time (also last year) a MASSIVE tree branch fell right atop our front porch. we literally could not exit out the front of the house because of how big it was! my heart stopped just to hear it come down but by some freaking miracle it didn't even scratch our windows.

first world problems, i know :/ i'm just on edge whenever this happens. the storm isn't expected until 6 pm i believe but it's always so eerie when the sky turns yellow before it starts. i hate it.

#leigh speaks #fucking SEVENTY DEGREES since yesterday #and snow expected tomorrow morning too #this is gobsmackingly bananas #i'm full of dread lol #i tell you what tho those window rennovation and roof restorer companies make bank in our neighborhood #they're always ringing the fucking doorbell and offering free evaluations and they're so nice but LEAVE ME ALONE lmao #i guess i'd rather deal with this than flooding again

[girlyteengirl16]

i hate when people tell me i need to forgive and forget. how about i shove a fucking knife through your head.

#fuck off #kys fr #i fucking hate you #go away #i hate my therapist #i hate everybody #why can’t you be nice #why can’t everyone just stfu #leave me alone #trauma #mentally unstable #mental illness

[pottedfairies]

sorry to my friends but my phone has been so full of photos of clouds and flowers that all my messaging apps offloaded and stopped working so i deleted them (to make more room for flower&cloud photos) and tbh my phone has been sooo quiet and notif free and i feel so at peace. im getting a nokia and a regular camera after this im done with smart phones that are also evil

#like i keep my phones for like 4+ years bc (in no particular order) theyre #a) fucking expensive bc its a computer in ur pocket #b) a waste to get rid of smth that still works just for an upgrade ?????? #c) an ecogical and humantiarian concern as well to get new phones every year #its also very nice to message friends only when EYE want to message them. how it used to be. no more constant access to me. leave me alone.

[hella1975]

the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me

#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me #(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc) #and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty #so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days #we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing #when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue #was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that #and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers #im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them #like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary #and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses #(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it #and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me #and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them #so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant #it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse #and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table #or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO #hella slaves to capitalism

[deeisace]

..

#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much. #like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols' #they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot. #basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it? #and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually. #if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)