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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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2022: a year in review

all right all right let’s do some REFLECTIVE JOURNALING about this year!! this has been a year of major life upheavals for me, some of them chosen and some not, and to be honest i still feel like i’m in the middle-to-late stages of a major transition rather than comfortably settled & looking back on it all! but that’s okay, that’s okay. it’s still good to pause, take a breath, and reflect on this year.

i decided to do a separate post about what i want to prioritize or focus on changing in the coming year... so this long journal entry is just about what was hardest about this year, what was most joyful, and what some of my favorite memories were looking back on 2022.

what was hardest or most challenging about this year?

changing careers was by far the toughest thing i’ve had to weather in a while, and that includes the pandemic year(s). every part of that change felt so disruptive to my life, my relationships, and my routines. it really shook my understanding of myself, and if i’m being honest i still have a hard time seeing any silver lining to this experience apart from the financial flexibility my new job has afforded me. which isn’t nothing (more on that later), but also doesn’t totally feel like it makes up for the cost.

sigh ok let’s reflect. the drawn-out process of trying to get my old program extended was so disheartening, especially with all the pushing and prodding i had to do to get the deans to even care enough to send the requisite emails. then the very positive meeting we had with the foundation followed by the swift, no-explanation rejection of our proposal a couple months later was such a disappointment. like, i built that program from the ground up! i believed so much in the work i was doing with kids and i loved going to my job every single day. i had a clear sense of purpose & i felt professionally competent in my role. it wasn’t a perfect job (i still had too much unstructured time and too little real demands on my time/energy) but in terms of the blend of teaching, mentoring, and program design work, it was the closest to my ideal i’ve ever gotten. watching it all just get flushed down the drain because people didn’t care enough to send in the right paperwork at the right time, or because institutional priorities at the foundation had shifted and they wanted to clean house of old projects, or whatever, just sucked. blehhh. i’m no longer actively grieving it, and i DO feel like i was thoughtful and deliberate about giving myself good emotional closure in the final weeks of that last semester. but some part of me still feels pretty bad and sad about how it all went down, and even though i loved my time in that job the ending soured the experience a little. so yeah: that sucked.

and then of course... as you know if you’ve been reading along with my public diary this fall... the job change itself has been pretty depressing. my hope was that even if i had to work in a field i didn’t care about as much, i could at least gain professional experience in a new role that might push me in different ways and challenge me to learn new things. that hasn’t been the case. let me pause here and say that i understand how fortunate i am to have a flexible job that requires very little of me & compensates me really well for it. the change in my financial situation has changed my entire future. it’s now financially feasible for me to pay for IUI cycles and raise a kid on my own. plus i’ve been able to finance a cross-country move, get a bigger place in an area i love, and replace basically all of the slowly-falling-to-pieces stuff (furniture, clothes, appliances) i’ve had since i graduated college over a decade ago. that’s all good! and i’ve now gotten through the phase of the transition where i cried every night after work (and sometimes at work lol) because i felt such despair over what i’d done. so that’s… good. that’s fine.

but hoo boy. i really hate my job. and more disappointingly: i hate the person i am in this job. in my old job i got to think about other people all the time—what they liked and what made them anxious, how best to motivate and connect with them, how to tap into their strengths and help them develop their weaknesses, etc etc. i thought about myself a lot too, but largely in the context of my relationships to other people. i thought about how to be a better listener, or how to slow my knee-jerk jump to judgment, or how to manage my own insecurities in ways that would help me more effectively build connections with kids. i thought about my values and how i could enact those values in my daily interactions with others. i was people-focused! and now i’m self-focused. all the time. like, i still have interactions with friends and family, but at work i’m just by myself 95% of the time. by myself and, because I don’t have enough to do, thinking about myself-my priorities, my needs and desires, my little plans, etc etc. me, me, me. i do feel way more connected to family since the move and that’s providing me with some interpersonal joy and meaning. but i just. bleh. if i sit with it for too long, i have to confront the fact that i don’t like myself very much right now. or I guess like, i don’t like a person who would be content living like this. but i also feel kind of stuck, for reasons i don’t fully understand. i keep dragging my feet on putting together this teaching letter and i don’t know why. i feel like the longer i stay in this really me-focused space the harder it is for me to jolt myself out of it. sigh okay more on this later, when i move onto thinking about things i want to change or prioritize moving forward.

phew! that was a real downer! let me talk about a more positive change in 2022!

what was best and most joyful about this year?

i’ll do two: one big life change and one big perspective change.

first, the big life change. i left texas after ten years and moved to washington state. it was a big scary decision and it felt like it happened very fast. there were lots of logistical headaches involved (including some very costly lease-breaking and moving stresses), but on the whole it’s been such a positive change and i’m so happy i did it. i’ve said it here before but: this was the year i learned that you can just up and change your whole life. you can just do that. anytime you want. i think that is valuable knowledge that i really want to hold onto in the future. you’re not stuck where you are, and if you’re not happy or you need a change, chances are that you can figure out a way to make that happen for yourself. i love the area i live -- it’s further outside of seattle than i was expecting, but i love being so close to the water, i love being able to afford a big place, and i love living in a beautiful area where i’m within walking distance of at least four parks or trails and within easy driving distance of probably a dozen more. the natural beauty is stunning and even after four months i still gasp quietly to myself every single time i walk to the crosswalk across from my complex and see the mountains (they’re just right there). the rain doesn’t bother me nearly as much as i expected (it turns out that if you have the right clothes you’re just... fine? it’s fine?) and so far i’m handling the short, often overcast winter days pretty well.

but obviously, the best part of ALL is just being closer to family, especially my sister. i get to just casually hang out with my sister multiple times a month, something that we NEVER thought would happen (or at least not for many many years to come). i get to have my siblings and SIL over for dinner & just hang out with them all evening. plus i have somehow lucked into having a hockey-going fandom friend here (la) AND one of my best college friends + her girlfriend here... and i’ve somehow convinced my best friend and her partner to move here this summer, so then my life will just be, like... the best. i’m so happy about it. i mean i’d like to eventually make new friends too haha but for now it’s just really, really nice to have a small but very loving built-in social network to cushion the transition.

as i’ve been reflecting on it... i think i was a lot lonelier in austin those last couple years than i realized. and it was mostly my own fault! i just wasn’t as good or diligent about re-investing in my relationships after the pandemic, and i just kind of got used to other people periodically reaching out instead of me taking the steps to really strengthen the friendships that were important to me. i regret that!! and it makes me sad because i love my austin friend group, especially my grad school friends, and i was really, really happy there for such a long time. but idk, i just let things slide! i maybe derived a little bit too much of my social energy from my job and kinda counted on habit to maintain my out-of-work relationships. and re: the city itself, i think i just kinda let myself slip in a post-pandemic funk where i was so stuck in my routines i stopped trying new things or going new places. i really needed to change my whole life. and i did it.

i haven’t fixed everything yet. i still think some things in my social life & in the way i’ve been acting in my friendships is a little out of whack. i feel like i’m not doing a good job of reciprocating thoughtfully and lovingly in my relationships with others, or of communicating to people (through actions, not just words) how much i value my friendships with them. i think that’s partly, again, because this year has just been such an obsessively self-focused year for me.. due to the job search, the move, the lingering pandemic emotional funk, the bleh feelings about the new job and that disconnection-from-core-self i’ve been feeling, etc etc. but i think patterns of behavior that started out as situational (‘i’m thinking obsessively about me, me, me because i’m dealing with big life transitions’) can all too easily become habitual if i’m not thoughtful about interrupting them. so: that’s another thing i want to think about as i look forward to the new year.

okay and then the second best/most joyful thing about this year was the perspective shift i’ve experienced around parenting. i think even as recently as the late spring and summer, i was still feeling really really unsure about having a kid. i never doubted that i wanted to parent someday, but i felt all this uncertainty and reluctance around actually taking the necessary steps. i feel like i was really focused on what i’d be giving up (free time, flexibility, ease of travel, energy for creative pursuits, whatever) and it was hard to weigh those against an uncertain future. from that vantage point, all i could see with any clarity and certainty was what i’d be losing, and i could only very hazily imagine the kinds of things i might be gaining. so i felt like i was dragging my feet a lot, moving forward without feeling ready, still going back and forth on timelines, etc etc.

and then... i don’t know. something shifted. i can’t pinpoint how or where—maybe during liz’s wedding week? maybe as i was settling into the new place & delighting in being so close to my siblings? but suddenly i was just... ready. i’m ready. i’m one hundred percent ready. i mean i know you can’t ever be ready for the realities of parenting, but i do think that you can have that moment where things just click, and you’re like, yeah, i want to do this. i’m all in. i have never in my entire life experienced ‘baby fever’ and i’m certainly not experiencing it now lol. but at some point this fall, something crystallized for me. i want my life to include motherhood (whether i get there by giving birth to a child, by fostering, or by adopting). i want that to be part of my human experience. that’s been unexpectedly joyful for me—that click, and the sense of clarity and purpose that comes with it. it’s kind of funny to me that i spent so long dragging my feet... and now i’m literally counting down the days (13!) till my next cycle starts and calculating out how many IUI tries i can fit in this spring with my travel plans. but you know what?? i’m glad i waited for the click. i feel really good about it.

favorite memories from this year:

finishing a 50k story that i think is the highest quality thing i’ve ever written and feeling so proud of both the product & the incredible amount of work that went into the process. flying to kansas & driving to iowa to surprise my sister on her residency match day. the incredible symposium my kids put together, including the panel that was so moving and so lovingly done it made multiple audience members cry. that beautiful goodbye luncheon with my kids, where i got to listen to them talk about what they were proudest of and what they most admired most about each other. getting to experience the beautiful, beautiful dream week that was liz’s camp wedding... god that was just the most joyful, life-affirming, soul-expanding experience imaginable. fourth of july at K & N’s place with all my grad school friends, spending spent the afternoon drinking lukewarm beer and pressing bags of melting ice to our faces in a futile effort to cool off. some truly incredible summer sunsets. my favorite hockey guy re-signing with the team in the most dramatic way possible. walking the neighborhood loop i’d walked for six years with the dogs one last time, and then just standing there in the dark, looking out at the lights of the big fields with the moon over them, feeling excited but also feeling the bittersweet grief of losing a familiar place. starting a silly delightful little hockey podcast with two of my favorite fandom friends. visiting my sister in seattle to look at apartments and floating for hours with her on the lake. finding the secret woods with my brother. driving to my new house shortly after moving in and hearing the gps say ‘welcome home.’ getting to host lots of beloved friends and visitors in my spacious new place. wandering costco with my brother sometime in that first week, both of us cracking up and making up bits. being in the same time zone as my best friend and getting to see her every single month. playing twenty questions with liz on a long road trip except all of the things we were guessing were deep cut inside jokes from ten years of friendship. obsessing over greens and then at last finding the right one. my parents coming for thanksgiving and changing all the lights without me asking them, meaning i had to change them back lol, which i understand & accept as a gesture of love aha it’s very very them. going to the fertility clinic with my sister and spending our whole lunch afterwards looking through sperm donor profiles and laughing about it. hosting christmas eve dinner at my house for my siblings and SIL, then driving to my sister’s after her shift on christmas day and just getting to lie around on her couch eating indian takeout and talking about our dream gardens. picking a donor. feeling the click. walking out of my complex on a clear day, looking up, and holy shit: mountains.

#year in review #2022 #end of year journaling #my year in review #idk what my past tags have been lol

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jessreallywantsitall · 11 months

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Trigger warning: blood & miscarriage

It might be strange to even share this but I need to get this off my chest. None of you know this but since March Lauren and I have been trying to get me pregnant through IUI at a fertility clinic in a hospital. We've done two rounds of treatments and we found out on Sunday that I was pregnant.

Yesterday I started bleeding. It wasn't a lot and I didn't have any other symptoms that accompany a miscarriage like cramping. It was very scary. I called the hospital where we had been doing the treatments and they assured me this could very well be more implantation bleeding or hormonal bleeding. If it didn't get worse and I didn't have cramping I didn't have to be concerned. Well, it got worse and I started having painful cramps. This morning the hospital was still hopeful this could be heavy hormonal bleeding since I wasn't passing any clots and I wasn't saturating pads with blood (not enough blood loss to indicate a miscarriage). Although the volume of blood hasn't increased, I am now unfortunately passing clots, too. I have no confirmation and really won't have any until I'm seen by a doctor (if the bleeding continues I will call again tomorrow) but it feels like this is the end of it. I've been crying on and off today, not sure how to feel. It's still all very early so I didn't feel an extreme attachment to the pregnancy but the thought of having to cancel our 8 week ultrasound and go through the IUI again makes me want to curl up into bed and not wake up for a few days. It was only 4 weeks and 2 days but I was very happy to be pregnant. We've been waiting for 2 years to start our treatments and to finally be pregnant felt so amazing.

Miscarriage is so common. A lot of early miscarriages aren't even recorded in data because it can be mistaken for a late period and yet it is reported that 10%-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. So, it's common. It doesn't have to mean anything other than bad luck or an embryo that wasn't good. No need to be scared for further treatments or fertility issues. These facts don't comfort me much now but I have to keep reminding myself of these things. My mom had a miscarriage at 6 weeks with her first pregnancy. Then two pregnancies that resulted in me and my brother. It's totally doable. Right now, I'm just sad and scared.

Lauren suggested we contact a doctor to get an ultrasound or a blood test since we haven't seen any improvement but the thought of someone touching me.... I've never felt uncomfortable with any of the fertility exams or the IUI procedures but right now I don't want anyone near me other than Lauren. She's been so supportive and respectful of my feelings and my body. I know she shares my feelings (she has read this and it's posted with her permission) and we're just trying to support each other. All we can do is hold each other and wait.

#welcome to my weird world #if you're not a place to read something sad maybe skip this one #things are still unsure but I just don't have a good feeling about it

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gaylorsnation · 1 year

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For a follow up to the post you just made (amazing btw!), where does Karlie having Josh’s baby come in. That’s where I get hung up with believing Karlie and Taylor are still together. Having a child is huge. I just can’t see them being together after having a baby. Thoughts?

I have the feeling that they were just supposed to be married and never have kids, but investors were also concerned about who is going to inherit Josh assets. I’m 100% sure Karlie got pregnant by and in-vitro fertilization.

If you believe Kaylor late-stage: I don’t want to speculate about the kid since he is a baby but if Taylor an Karlie we’re together at that time, my guess is that Taylor donated the egg to Karlie. This is a THEORY beyond the reality. Because I’m a true believer they broke up and probably they are back together in good terms as a relationship of something as friends or dating again, but seriously how many lesbians have intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF).

And I was thinking when Taylor passes away who is going to be her heirs. Actually I thought Taylor will be pregnant (also as in-vitro) with Joe, but we didn’t see that happened lol.

On the other hand is the fact that probably Karlie doesn’t have a kid and Misha Noonoo (wife of Mike Hess, Josh boyfriend) could be the surrogate mother of the child. Misha and Mike got married at the same year as Karlie and Josh.

#gaylor #lgbetty #taylor swift #karlie kloss #kaylor #taylor karlie #joshua kushner #Misha Noonoo #Mike Hess

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medlineacademics · 1 year

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Unveiling the Secrets of Andrology

The study of male reproductive health and medicine is known as andrology. In contrast to gynaecology, which focuses on the health of women's reproductive systems, it is a relatively new subject and has only lately been acknowledged as a specialist medical study.

The earliest accounts of male infertility were published in the early 20th century, marking the beginning of andrology. The profession didn't start expanding quickly, though, until the 1960s, when advancements in science and medicine made it possible to better comprehend the physiology and pathology of male reproduction.

The American Society of Andrology, the first organisation devoted solely to andrology, was founded in 1973. Similar organizations were then founded all over the world, including the Asian Society of Andrology and the European Academy of Andrology.

Andrology now includes a wide spectrum of disorders impacting male reproductive health, including erectile dysfunction, hormonal imbalances, and testicular cancer, in addition to male infertility. Today, men with these disorders receive comprehensive therapy from andrologists who collaborate closely with urologists, endocrinologists, and other medical professionals.

How will Andrology Course help in understanding Male Infertility?

A thorough grasp of the origins, diagnosis, and treatment of male infertility can be obtained by enrolling in an andrology course with a focus on male infertility. The testes, epididymis, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and prostate gland will all be covered in the course's discussion of the anatomy and physiology of the male reproductive system. The many causes of male infertility will also be covered, including hormone imbalances, hereditary abnormalities, and lifestyle choices like smoking and obesity.

The curriculum will cover the various methods for assessing male fertility, including genetic testing, hormone testing, and semen analysis. Also, it will discuss the many methods of treating male infertility, such as prescription drugs, surgical procedures, and assisted reproductive methods like intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilisation (IVF).

Students can obtain the knowledge necessary to accurately diagnose and treat male infertility by enrolling in an andrology course with a focus on this difficult medical condition. Also, they will learn the most recent methods and research in the industry, which will help them keep abreast of new developments and give their patients the finest care possible. Generally, anyone interested in a career in male reproductive health or fertility medicine can benefit from taking a male infertility course.

Current Trend

In India, Andrology Fellowship programs are becoming increasingly popular among medical students who wish to specialize in this field. An Andrology Fellowship is a postgraduate medical training program that provides advanced training in the diagnosis, treatment, and management of male reproductive and urological disorders.

The duration of an Andrology Fellowship program in India varies from one year to two years. The program typically includes both theoretical and practical training in areas such as male infertility, erectile dysfunction, penile prosthetics, andro-oncology, and male sexual dysfunction. During the fellowship program, the trainee works under the guidance of experienced Andrologists and Urologists in a clinical setting, gaining hands-on experience in diagnosing and treating patients with male reproductive and urological disorders.

The National Board of Examinations and the Medical Council of India (MCI) both endorse the Andrology Fellowship Programme in India (NBE). Many medical schools and hospitals across the nation, including the Post Graduate Institute of Medical Education and Research (PGIMER), Chandigarh, Christian Medical College (CMC), Vellore, and All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), New Delhi, offer the curriculum.

Candidates must have obtained both their MBBS and a postgraduate degree in urology or general surgery in order to apply for an andrology fellowship programme in India. For them to practice medicine in India, they also need a current medical license. Typically, a written exam is used to choose candidates for andrology fellowship programmes, which is followed by an interview.

Candidates can work as andrologists or urologists in hospitals, clinics, and fertility centres after finishing an andrology fellowship programme. Further specialization in fields including andro-oncology, male infertility, and erectile dysfunction is also an option for them. Also, certain andrologists may decide to participate in the development and study of fresh medications and treatments for urological and male reproductive problems.

Medical students who want to concentrate on male reproductive and urological health should take advantage of India's andrology fellowship programme. Pursuing an Andrology Fellowship can offer a satisfying and exciting career path for medical professionals interested in this discipline because there is a growing need for Andrologists in India.

Are online courses for the Andrology program available?

Yes, Andrology online courses are available. Students will gain knowledge about male reproductive and urological problems as well as their treatments through these courses. Due to their accessibility from anywhere in the globe and flexibility, online andrology courses make it simple for students to learn at their own pace. These courses include a variety of subjects, such as male infertility, erectile dysfunction, andro-oncology, among others. Medical students and other professionals who are interested in learning more about andrology may find these courses to be useful resources even though they may not offer the same hands-on training as a conventional fellowship programme.

For more details, visit: www.medlineacademics.com

#Andrology Training #Fellowship in Andrology

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shannartsii · 4 years

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Day 11: Friendship

This is late (• ▽ •;)

#sky children of the light #shannart #thatskygame #sky cotl #my art #skytober2020 #skytober #friendship #late post iui #ive been busy (• ▽ •;)

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emma8895eb · 3 years

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As a single women that will be 26 and has always wanted kids and to be a mom . Lately I’ve had a fear I may never have that chance as I’m getting older and you can only have kids for for so long. I was on Tiktok and women in my similar situation was able to have kids via IUI ( Intrauterine Insemination). She really helped me understand I can be a single mother by choice. I mean say Tom Felton, Taron Egerton Tom Holland or Richard Madden came along and wanted to have kids I definitely wouldn’t say no. Anyway thanks for coming and reading my long post have a fabulous day ☺️!

#tom felton #taron egerton #richard madden #british #singlemotherbychoice #intrauterine #dreaming #tom holland

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shelbywanders · 3 years

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Chapter 23: Infertile

So...let’s start from the beginning yeah?

February 2018, we found out the best news, we were expecting! With my past history, we thought for sure we would be trying for a while. So the fact that I was staring at a positive pregnancy test after just a mere two months trying to get pregnant was unreal. But 9 extremely long, tiring and definitely taken for granted months, out popped the greatest gift I’ve ever been given; my Adeline Mae!

She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, I know that sounds so cliche. She came out looking like her daddy’s clone (go figure) except for that sweet little button nose & I just couldn’t believe that we had made something so damn perfect.

I won’t get into the details of being a new mum and all that jazz in this post, but of course, there’s a lot that goes on in the first year. But one thing that started to get on me and my husband’s minds pretty quickly was growing our family. When Addy was around 6 months, we decided it was time to start trying again. We always talked about having our kiddos close in age and at the time, we wanted lots of them. I had a hard pregnancy with Addy, but that didn’t change my feelings about wanting that big family I always dreamed of having with the person I loved. I have three younger brothers who are 10, 8, & 7. I’ve grown to love how close they are in age and wanted that for my kids too. Me and my older sister are 4 years apart and while we’re super close now, there came a time where we weren't. We’ve always envisioned ourselves with kids just a couple years apart, and get all of our baby making years out of the way so that we can then stop, relax and watch all our kids grow up together. Of course, plans don’t always exactly go as planned.

I exclusively breastfed Adeline until she was 20 months. When we started trying, my periods had returned but weren’t regular at all anymore. So I started my TTC journey a bit different than I did back in 2018. OPK’s became my best friend and little did I know how many I would go through the next almost two years and counting. But they did help me learn more about my cycle and I grew accustomed over constantly peeing on things every day.

We were super excited in the beginning, it always is. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s exhilarating. The two week wait is exciting as you anxiously wait to pee on some more sticks. The first few times of getting your period, of course it’s a let down, but you keep on keeping on because surely...it will happen soon! Until it doesn’t...

Around Addy’s first birthday which was around 6/7 months of trying I started to get that aching feeling that was new to me. Why isn’t it happening? Shouldn't I be pregnant by now? What are we doing wrong? In our grand plan of our life, I was wanting to be pregnant by Addy’s first birthday and that came and went. Sex wasn’t much fun anymore, I was tired of having to buy more ovulation tests and tired of squinting at clearly negative but also wait, is that a line? tests over and over again. But of course...we just kept trying, praying that next month will be our month.

December came, month 7/8. I was so busy creating orders for my small shop and we weren’t hardcore tracking. We did the the deed once, the day before my birthday. Two weeks later, I realized I was late. Two days late actually. What?! This hasn’t happened before...grabbed the nearest test to me and finally. Finally. Two pink little lines. A faint line, but a line nonetheless! We were pregnant!!! I remember running to the store to get more tests because I have to see the progression, ya know, peace of mind. I stopped in the kids clothing section and spotted a cute “Big Sister” shirt and grabbed it. I wanted Addy to wear it out and see how long it took my hubby to notice what her shirt said. Unfortunately, she never got to wear that shirt and it’s stashed in the bottom of her dresser three sizes too small now.

To keep it short and sweet, we lost our squishy baby that should’ve stuck around for 9 months and created a family of four just a couple of weeks after finding out. Instead, it started a whirlwind of emotions that I didn’t even know I could feel and a fight that we’re still battling to as I type this all out. Maybe one day I’ll make another blog about the miscarriage and all the feelings that came with it, just not in this post.

At this point, here we are entering 2020 grieving the loss of what would’ve been. We picked ourselves up as much as we could and kept on going. Trying. Praying. Crying. Trying. Praying. Crying. We hit a year TTC in May 2020 and I felt a new level of hopelessness. Chapter 23: Infertile?... But how? I’ve gotten pregnant easily in the past, I’ve carried a baby, my body has done this before...what is wrong? 13 months TTC and we had the talk. The talk about trying to find answers and get some help. I set up a costly consultation with a fertility clinic in June. Our insurance doesn’t cover anything so of course, it was a big decision we had to make. While waiting for my cycle to start so that we could start fertility treatments, I had my first chemical pregnancy. So that was another heartache...moving on.

August 2020, I have my first medicated cycle with my RE. I was on Clomid 50mg, triggered with Ovidrel and progesterone supplements after ovulation. The first cycle was perfect. Absolutely beautiful. I was ecstatic! My body responded so well to the meds and I ovulated at the perfect time and everything seemed great. Didn’t get pregnant, which sucked. $1200 in the hole, but hey! The meds worked. Let’s try again. Second cycle, same thing. My body didn’t respond at all. Nothing. Cycle cancelled...$1200 done the drain again. At this point the holidays were quickly approaching and our wallets were struggling so we put a hold on fertility treatments and we haven’t done any since. The month after we stopped, I had another chemical. That felt like a big ol’ screw you.

Hold tight, you’re almost caught up! We’re nearing the end of 2020, thank GOD. That hellish year needed to leave STAT. January 2021. New starts, new chances. I had an appt with my primary to talk about what I have been suspecting to be the problem of our infertility struggles. And that’s when a diagnosis came around. PCOS. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s one of the most common reproductive conditions in women and one of the leading causes for infertility. It runs in my family, my symptoms matched, I just couldn’t see it being anything else. As for Addy? I truly think we just got lucky. Blessed. I will never question it. I’m beyond grateful because I cannot imagine not having her right now. I started on Metformin a couple of weeks ago, a drug that helps treat PCOS. I also started a diet and have lost about 15 lbs so far! My motivation is because after this we will probably start doing IUI’s and I want to make sure I’m in good health so that are chances are as good as they can be. But of course...we are praying and hoping that it doesn’t come to that and by some miracle, we get pregnant naturally again before we go down that road.

So there it is! You’re caught up. I didn’t go into many details on individual experiences because I knew this post was already going to be long. I just felt like a little synopsis of our TTC & infertility journey was needed before I continue writing about my experiences! I’ve felt pretty alone, even though I have people around me who care and love for me but they just haven’t gone through this so it’s hard to relate to anyone. I find writing to help. Getting it out there even if no one reads it. I am absolutely determined to make 2021 beautiful and I believe in every inch of me that our rainbow baby is coming to us. This month. Next month. Maybe at the end of the year. But I know it will happen...I can’t lose hope even if I wanted to. I’m hoping by sharing our journey, we can all find hope within each other. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. Our wishes will come true. Our prayers will be answered. As they say...even miracles take a little time.

xoxo shelby

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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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gooood morning. it’s day 7 post IUI and I am crampy again this morning, although for some reason I wake up each day feeling very sure of one outcome or the other even if nothing’s objectively changed (and it’s all still way too early). yesterday I felt like surely there was Something Happening because I never have symptoms like this so far before my period… and today I feel like there isn’t anything going on and I’m almost certainly just bloated from a fiber-rich diet. it’s all just magical thinking but it does pass the time.

I am hoping that if/when I have to do this again I’ll 1) be a little more used to how the wait period feels and 2) more aware of which symptoms are probably just lingering side effects of the trigger shot. but lord am I ready to get this show on the road!!! michelle is connecting me with a recent ex of hers who is also doing the lesbian single mom by choice route & just had her baby two days ago and I’m excited to talk with her down the road once uhh things have settled a bit for her lol. I was saying to liz that I’ve been working through some tangled feelings lately around what having a kid will mean for my visibility & understanding of myself as a lesbian… so one thing I want to prioritize is talking with other queer women who have gone the same route. you are never too old to need models I guess! discussing it with liz was kind of interesting… she was saying that she doesn’t think motherhood has to have anything to do with my sexual/gender identity at all if I don’t want it to, and I surprised myself with how much I was like: but I want it to! I want this choice to feel deeply embedded in my understanding of myself as queer and deeply entwined with the version of cis-ish womanhood (emphasis on the ish) I’ve carved out for myself. it’s important to me that pregnancy (if it happens for me) and parenthood not be a wholly separate endeavor but something that’s intimately bound up in these other parts of myself. idk I still haven’t quite untangled the feelings enough to write about them! but this articulation will work as a placeholder for now lol.

let’s see let’s see here’s the day…

change into painting clothes, start laundry, eat breakfast and read 20 min, finish painting

switch laundry

empty & reload dishwasher

switch license plates

clean up kitchen

gym for 35 min

shower/get ready

schedule dentist appt

45-60 min walk with dogs, maybe on our other nearby forest trail? or on the loop trail?

30 min writing sprint at some point

dinner with siblings & SIL

read 30 min before bed

early bedtime as ruthie has been waking me up very early

#daily processing

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hopelesslyhopefulforyou · 3 years

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Sorry, I've been taking a little mental break from all this ttc posting and constant thinking.

Work has been so stressful lately so I've been distracted, but apparently I'm supposed to test Monday? Quickest 2ww of my journey so far.

We had two appointments in the last two days: one with hubby's urologist about this vericocele surgery, the other with our reproduce endocrinologist about out treatment plan.

Good news is, both of them agree the surgery won't help anything with our treatment so we are moving onto the next step (and hub will get the surgery sometime August or September) but our doc suggested we don't waste our time with a 4th IUI if I'm not pregnant right now.

So next cycle will be prep work for our IVF.

Terrified and excited and hopeful.

I can finally see us on the other side of this, holding our baby and raising them and loving them.

So no more meds next month, just appointments to get me prepped, taking time to relax, and then the cycle following I could potentially start my IVF meds and get this thing going mid-July.

#ttc #ttc with infertility #trying to conceive #ttc after loss #ttc after mc #ttc rainbow baby #ttccommunity

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imnotwolverine · 4 years

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The marriage pact - Puppy kisses

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 10 | Part 11 Puppy kisses | Part 12 >

Disclaimer: none, just fluff

Author’s note: This is my 100th post! YASSSS!! I love you all so much my darling readers; puppy kisses and much love to you!

Word count: 1.350

(Link to my Masterlist)

Dear readers,

Do you remember your first kiss? I do. I was fourteen years old, it was late summer, life was simple and expectations were high. I was a dreamer and I had completely indulged myself in anything fantastical. Any rom-com available I had seen, any prince-saves-the-maiden story had been on my reading list and honestly; I thought I was ready.

Was I though? Apparently not really. At least not to get what I expected would be that picture perfect first kiss. Sure, it was a wonderful day, a date at the zoo, he was a year older than me and he would hold my hand the whole time. We’d eat small bites in the sandy dunes, the wind whipping in our hair. And then he’d lean over, just like in the movies. But, unlike in the movies, we weren’t quite prepared for the following; his hair getting stuck in my braces and..well..you may know that I was absolutely horrified, my cheeks tomato red and the whole moment terribly ruined due to my shaken nerves.

He brought me home, ever so galant, and there was that. I didn’t even want to try again when we said goodbye at my doorstep, because.. I was simply too embarrassed. In fact it took me a whole year before I’d even think about giving love, puppy love, another try. With the same boy, actually. And the more I now think about it, the sillier, but also sweeter the memory has become, all little annoyances and fears having faded to the background. And now all that lasts are those adorably sweet puppy kisses.

Did you have a nice first kiss dear readers?

An ever curiouser and curiouser,

Ali

IVF, IUI, at-home insemination or just some natural insemination after a “fun little night at the club”. Reproductive lawyers, medical safety, parental rights, sperm donor agreements. The terms were buzzing like a dark misty cloud of concern through my muddled brain, my tea long gone cold on my night stand and my legs getting painful from sitting crouched down on my bed for so long.

Somewhere I wished I could talk to my mom about this, to anyone about this, but I felt ashamed. So terribly ashamed. Why was something that seemed so natural and simple to everyone else, seem so terribly difficult (and expensive) to me. Pushing away my laptop I sighed, long legs finally getting a stretch as I pushed myself off the bed, my arms reaching above my head as if I were a large cat just waking up from a nice slumber.

Did you know a cat can have up to five litters a year? That’s so..many..babies. Ugh! ALI, cut it out! No more baby thoughts.

Sulking visibly, I walked over to my desk, looking out over the late afternoon sun, my mom working in the garden, dad’s feet sticking out from beneath a deep blue umbrella, shielding him from the October sun. Why was everything so damn hard? I sighed and let my eyes drift further, the Cavill house some 100 meters further up.

Would Henry be at home right now?

Henry, Henry, Henry. Was he too good to be true? Weren’t we just once more living this late-summer fantasy like we had quite a few times before. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend for more times than I could count on one hand, nearly two hands. And every time life got in the way. Would that happen again? I felt the melancholy in my heart grow, my eyes slipping back to a sheet of paper that was laying beneath my finger tips.

The pact.

Rainbow coloured and handwritten, both our names neatly placed on the bottom line, some first attempts at personal signatures scribbled beneath it. “In the case of neither one of us were to be married by the age 35 (thirty-five), we vow to marry each other. Signed. Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill. Alice Mary Taylor.”

How silly we..-

*BZZ BZZ*

I looked up from my thoughts, eyes roving towards my phone.

Henry bear: Hey! Look out the window! ;)

And so I did, my eyes first looking back at my parents. Was he in our garden? Nope. On the road towards our house? Nope. And then I noticed something move behind the windows of his parents’ house. The attic. Where I knew he still had his room. Waving happily - which was really silly looking for a 38 year old man - he finally managed to attract my attention. I burst out in a fit of chuckles.

Oh Henry.

With mild exaggeration he blew me a few kisses, and like the old days I reached out for them, catching them and placing them carefully by my heart. Nothing much had truly changed, had it?

*BZZZ-BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZ*

And now he was calling. Shaking my head in slight disbelief, an amused smile still stuck to my lips, I answered.

‘Hi.’ I grinned.

‘Hey.’ I could hear the smile in his voice, the timber much deeper and grown-up then it had been all those long years ago.

‘Whatcha doin’?’ I asked, my eyes looking back at him through his attic window.

‘Reading your blog actually.’

‘Are you now?’

‘And I can remember that kiss terribly well.’ He chuckled. I could see from the far distance that he was very amused, pearly whites shining in the afternoon sun. ‘Mhm.’ I hummed. Then he continued; ‘And just for your information; I truly didn’t hate it. If anything I loved you more for it.’

‘But.. I practically ran away.’

‘Maybe a little yes.’

‘Sorry about that Hen.’

‘It’s okay Ali. We have more than made for up it through the years.’

‘Hennn..’ I admonished, the humour dripping through my voice. He was right though. We had gotten pretty good at kissing..and everything else too. Oh Henry…

He hummed, pleased, then clicked his tongue.

‘You were actually the first girl that gave me any kind of real attention. I mean, I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to girls.’

‘I guess we both were a tad awkward in our teenage years..’ I agreed.

‘Or just well ahead of the crowd.’ He chuckled.

‘Really though, what did it do to you, seeing your classmates hit on girls..and you know..succeed?’

‘I got super insecure, honestly. I mean, my first real kiss was outside a school dance and the girl was already running away before the snog was over...’

‘And then I practically ran away too..’ I sniffled. ‘Sorry Hen.’

‘Hahah..yea..poor me. But at least I knew you well. The kiss may have been a touch awkward, but I was crazy into you. I wanted more than just some physical affection. I wanted you.’

I felt my breath choke and without further ado, he continued; ‘I may have to confess that when I had to do my first on-screen kiss, with like an entire crew around and my nerves flaring up high..I thought of ..eh..gosh this is embarrassing...’

‘Our first kiss?’ I teased, trying to not let the butterflies take the overhand. Somehow I was glad we were so far apart. I could feel the cute giddiness of that first love between us all over again. Perhaps it was even love once more.

Was I in love?

‘I thought of you..yes. Though not of our first kiss. Or our second or third kiss. I eh..’ He looked straight at me, the long distance between us suddenly not feeling so far anymore. I could practically see the shimmer in those blue eyes.

‘..Our first time?’ I gulped, remembering every gentle caress and eager cloth tug far too well. We had been 16 and 17. And where our first kiss might have been awkward, our first time? Heck. It still brought me tingles.

‘Yes.’ He said huskily.

Oh yes..tingles. I shifted slightly, squeezing my legs together almost involuntarily, breath choking, the phone line on both ends quiet except for deep, focused breaths. In..and..out..in..and..

‘Can I come over?’ He rasped.

‘Yes please.’ I muttered, feeling those same darn butterflies flutter wildly through my belly.

Was I in love?

Good question.

General tagsquad: @harrysthiccthighss @tumblnewby @magdelen69 @thereisa8ella @mary-ann84 @darkbooksarwin @summersong69

Fluff lovers squad: @star017 @perhaps2remember @pterodactylterrace @witchersqueen @desperate-and-broken @toomanyfandomsshreya @deliciouslysassyarcade @pamacs-macs @cavilladdict @scorpionchild81 @lebguardians @sofiebstar @amberbabem @mis-lil-red @aestheticqueenb @misslalaland-blog-blog @ilieherecharmed-fics2readnrec @michelehansel @henryfanfics101

Want to be added to or removed from the tag list? Shoot me a message!

#henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fluff #henry cavill x author #henry cavill x OC #fluff #puppy kisses #memories #the marriage pact

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sinfulrainbows · 4 years

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The Pregnancy Miracle Review

As a lady who needs to get pregnant there are numerous manners by which you can discover the subtleties on the most proficient method to get pregnant. The data gave is accessible in different manners and some of them may not be reasonable to your circumstance. The Pregnancy Miracle is a digital book, composed by Lisa Olson, who is sharing data about how to get pregnant normally after she has pursued for a long time. Aside from being an author, Lisa Olson is a nutritionist and a health consultant, implying that the data gave won't just be significant yet in addition valuable to you.

youtube

This digital book gives you and different perusers an every common answer for your fruitfulness issues. The arrangements are sheltered as well as quick in the event that you have been attempting to consider. The book contains the how to, what to on different things with the goal that your pregnancy is delicate and safe. Interestingly, the data is given in a straightforward way subsequently you will have a simpler time pondering it and doing the arrangements that you have been given. It covers a wide region of data that will make it simpler for you to get ready and get pregnant.

The book is reasonable for a wide range of women, particularly those that need to get pregnant normally and not utilize any sort of medication, medical procedure or fruitfulness programs. The individuals who are in their late 30's or 40's and need to consider will likewise get helpful hints on what they ought to do to be pregnant. The book likewise handles various conditions that have kept women from considering and offers answers for them. A portion of these conditions incorporate endometriosis, ovarian pimples, high FSH levels, PCOS, Fibroids of the uterus or uterine scarring and numerous others. In the event that you have any of these conditions, you ought to get this digital book to discover the answers for you without turning to IVF, IUI or medications. This doesn't mean it is confined to the individuals who are experiencing barrenness; you can likewise peruse the book and gain proficiency with a ton about pregnancy and other pertinent subtleties, for example, stomach related and hormonal issue.

On the off chance that you don't know about it you can peruse the pregnancy Miracle Review that is posted online by various individuals. A portion of the audits are composed by the clients themselves while others are composed by specialists in the field. The best thing you ought to so is to search for legit and trustworthy Pregnancy Miracle Review in light of the fact that there are a lot of these audits that are out to deceive the clients. The best way to locate the best survey is by experiencing various them and perusing the data gave in each. By doing this you will likewise be presenting yourself to more data that will help you in settling on the choice of obtaining it or not.

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ladywithoutababy · 4 years

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What IVF Class is Like

This seems like a good place to start because I think I can write about it without too many feelings. IVF class is someone else’s problem. It’s something you can just show up for, and listen, and only tear up a couple times (as opposed to constantly).

It also seems like a good place to start because committing to IVF feels like the first time we’re actually “trying” to have a baby. One of the many weird things about TTC (trying to conceive, and I promise I will never use that acronym again because it makes me think about the thousands of crazy and sometimes toxic TTC forums) is that you don’t really know what trying means. Are you trying to have a baby when you:

have unprotected sex?

have unprotected sex with someone you’re married to?

have unprotected sex, on purpose, around when you think you’re ovulating?

have unprotected sex on purpose when you KNOW you’re ovulating?

get sad when you get your period at the end of the month instead of a baby?

are devastated when you get your period at the end of the month?

go talk to a fertility doctor?

get tested to make sure your eggs and his sperm are working as expected?

do a round of IUI?

do three rounds of IUI?

Well reader, I guess it’s that last one. Now that we’re signed up for IVF, I think you could say that we are definitely, objectively, actively trying to have a baby. (But we did go through every single one of those phases above.)

Anyway, here’s what IVF class is like for those of you who are thinking about going to one.

Our fertility doctor is with NYU Langone (which has been a mixed but mostly negative experience; I’ll write about that separately), and for this organization, IVF class is mandatory before they’ll let you do IVF. As with most fertility-related adventures, they gave us zero information ahead of time, so we had no idea how many other people would be there or what would happen in IVF class. They only do these classes in two different time slots, both overlapping with a normal work day. We chose to go from 8:30-11:30am (and had to go on a non-ideal day because this was the only day available in the month of December, and we talked with our doctor about starting IVF in January). Yes, that’s right, it’s 3 hours long. Sure, why not.

We arrived at the east side office of NYU Langone, signed in, and sat down. The receptionist ignored us like she always does (check in happens on a kiosk). I heard someone else go up and ask about the class, and she sent them upstairs. So I got up, told her that’s what we were there for, and she sent us upstairs. I do not know how long we would have sat there if I hadn’t told her. [The last appointment we had (on the west side), we sat in the waiting room for an hour and when we finally got up and asked the receptionist for an update she said “Oh, I thought you left.”]

When we got upstairs, we entered a mostly-full conference room that had maybe 12 other people already in it. The room was very hot and my husband, wearing his winter layers, got sweaty immediately. They apologized for it being hot and said it gets hotter the longer you sit in there.

No one was asked to introduce themselves, which was simultaneously reassuring and very awkward. We were all left to avoid eye contact with each other and quietly wonder who the most upset person in the room was. Was it the woman whose husband didn’t come with her? Was it the woman who indicated she’s tried fertility treatments before? Was it us, because I was so mad at the receptionist not proactively helping us? Who can say.

A VERY nice and thorough woman took us all through a powerpoint presentation, which took about an hour. I loved it, because this was the first time in our ~year of actively working with a fertility doctor that someone actually explained to us, in detail, how IVF works and what you can expect. I think I only teared up once during this presentation, when she made a kind suggestion that whoever picks you up after your egg retrieval procedure (in which you need to undergo full anesthesia and then have a day of recovery) bring you a nice present. Another first: someone actually acknowledging that this whole deal might be, you know, physically and emotionally taxing for the woman involved? [I asked my husband after the presentation what he’ll bring me when he picks me up, and he said a Tesla. Right answer.]

After the presentation, a few people asked questions, and then a nurse came in to demonstrate how the different hormone injections work. (I’ll do a separate post about all of those later.) This wasn’t a big surprise to us because during IUI, there was one time where my husband had to inject me with a subcutaneous trigger shot. It didn’t hurt at all but he almost passed out. He’ll get better with the dozens of required at-home IVF injections, I’m sure.

After that, the nurses (? unclear if the first woman was a nurse or not) sat with each of us individually to help us with our paperwork. IVF requires a LOT of paperwork. (More like In Vitro Documentation, am I right?) Some things to consider - and commit to legally before starting - include:

What should happen to your eggs if they are not viable?

What should happen to your eggs if they have a mutation that may or may not affect a potential baby?

What should happen to your eggs if one, or both of you dies?

What should happen to your eggs if one, or both of you becomes permanently mentally incapacitated?

Do you want your discarded eggs to be donated for research? What kind of research?

If the doctors determine that it’s necessary for one specific sperm to be manually injected into your egg, do you want that? Do you want that even if it’s not necessary? (Who in their right mind would choose this?)

Do you want to do genetic testing on your eggs before IVF? They strongly recommend it; it costs another $3k and is not covered by insurance.

When the nice woman pulled up next to us, she said “I want to start with you guys because you have an unprecedented amount of things already done.” (Meaning we’ve already done a lot of the tests, procedures, paperwork, etc because we went through 3 rounds of IUI.) I was unreasonably proud and hoped the other couples could hear her. She helped us finish the paperwork - if you don’t go through it with them in person you have to get it notarized - and then patiently answered the couple questions I had. It was really nice getting to ask informed questions, now that I actually understand how the process works.

The biggest question: if this works, when will we be pregnant? Here’s the timeline:

On day 2 of my period in January (probably around mid-Jan), I will start taking hormones and getting monitored. The hormones happen basically every day, the monitoring happens every other day.

Around day 14, I will go under anesthesia and they will retrieve as many eggs as possible. My husband will give a “fresh sample” (they always call it that), and they’ll attempt to fertilize some eggs.

They’ll send some cells out for testing, and freeze the eggs in the meantime.

2 weeks later, we’ll get the results and will know how many normal, viable eggs we have to work with. It could be 10, it could be zero.

On day 2 of my period in February, I’ll start doing more hormones and more monitoring.

Around day 12, we’ll schedule the “transfer”, which will probably happen around day 18-20 of my cycle.

So if this works (there is a 40% chance at my age), we would be pregnant around late Feb / early March.

And that’s what IVF class is like.

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marriedandttc · 5 years

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One of the themes for this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week is Infertility Uncovered - an opportunity to speak about the realities of infertility, raise awareness, and shed an overwhelming stigma.

So, here’s Our Story

💕

Stephen and I began trying to expand our beautiful little family in January 2015. I had previously been on Depo-Provera for two years, which has a reputation for taking a while to leave the body. Because of this, we assumed it would take about a year! Six months to wear off and up to six months to conceive, a pretty average time frame.

Except... after a year nothing happened, even though my body regulated quicker post-birth control than we expected.

In January 2016 (22 & 25) we made our first appointment to get help. That discussion with my primary care physician left us literally laughed out of the exam room with messages of, “You’re too young.” “Just relax.” “You are trying too hard.”

I was absolutely gutted but we took comfort in the fact that the doctor was not concerned. They’re the ones that spend years of post-education doing this, not us.

In June 2016 (22 & 25) we had been trying for 18 months (well past the one year required for an infertility diagnosis). I made a second appointment, this time with an OB/GYN! Unfortunately, this experience went similarly.

The doctor insisted that we were too young to be having problems and it would magically happened if I suddenly quit worrying. They shoved an unnecessary Pap Smear on me and sent me away.

In October 2016 (23 & 26) I was prepared to try again, 22 cycles in. I made an appointment with a second OB/GYN at the same office we previously used. At this appointment I came armed with a notebook containing a year of cycle notes, OPK tests, intercourse tracking, and symptom spotting. I was determined for someone to see the problem that was so blatantly obvious to me.

This appointment brought the most infuriating response yet. The doctor barely took note of the information I provided and simply told us, point blank, “You are the last appointment of the day and I’m running late for a family dinner so I’m going to make this brief. You are too young to be worried about this. The birth control you were on can take years to expire (even though the proof it already had was in her hands). I could run some tests and send you to a specialist in Sioux Falls but they’re too expensive for you, and it will take lots of time. You will walk in here pregnant by Christmas.”

There was no time for discussion, consideration, or compassion. We were dismissed with blatant disrespect so she could get to her family dinner.

It was at this point I knew we had been failed by the medical community.

We had nearly doubled the amount of time required to pass before we were entitled to testing and treatment. I had done everything I could from home and it wasn’t working. We needed help and took every necessary step to begin - but we kept getting turned away based on our age and assumed financial status as newlyweds.

My spirit was shattered and I gave up on ever receiving infertility testing, let alone treatment.

In February 2017 (23 & 26) a friend pushed me to try one more time. I was hesitant and dreaded the appointment but figured it was time to try being 26 cycles in.

This time we went to not only a new doctor but a new office entirely - and that’s when everything changed. Dr. E walked into the room and asked us to explain why we were there today. I sucked in a large breath of air determined to spit out over two years of tracking and information to plead our case before he could cut us off. I was red in the face, breathless, and overwhelmed when when he kindly said, “Something here is not right. I’m prepared to help you as soon as you are ready to get started.”

I could hardly wrap my head around the words coming out of his mouth.

Unfortunately, this is when we ran into our second type of stigma.

Being an overweight woman.

Since I had never confirmed I truly ovulated after a positive OPK we began by doing hormone panels. The doctor thought they were fine but perhaps I wasn’t ovulating properly. We put my body through four months of Clomid and one month of Femara with ultrasound monitoring and timed intercourse in an attempt to get pregnant.

During this treatment there was no consideration given to my husband, I was the one being prodded, poked, and pestered at every turn. It was worth it in the search for answers.

In July 2017 (23 & 26) a full 32 cycles into trying to start our family we finally went into a full fertility workup. Both Stephen and I did two pages full of tests to dig deeper into what was happening - and our worlds were turned upside down overnight.

The results of my tests came back within normal ranges as expected, but the same could not be said for my husband. What we saw was a severe case of male factor infertility.

With these results we immediately got transferred to a reproductive endocrinologist 200 miles away.

The following month we would have our intake appointment where Dr. M let us know the only option for treatment is IVF (an advanced reproductive technology). Unfortunately, we were remarkably far away from the parameters for IUI.

One cycle of IVF runs anywhere from $14,000 - $20,000+ out of pocket because our insurance offers zero coverage.

This is the financial restrictions everyone believed we couldn’t overcome.

But in September of 2017 (24 & 27) after 33 cycles of trying to have children we went through our first cycle of IVF. We had 21 eggs, 16 embryos, and on transfer day had one early stage blastocyst and one morula to transfer. While these results were disappointing we held onto hope.

Eight days after our transfer we found out that the results were negative and our first IVF cycle was a failure.

Over the next year we fundraised, entered grants/scholarships, and invested every extra cent we had into paying off our failed loan.

Thankfully we were able to undergo our second round of IVF in February 2019 (25 & 28). This time we collected 14 eggs, had 5 embryos, and on transfer day had two morulas to place.

Again, the results were far from what we wanted but hope prevailed. Eight days after our transfer we found out it was another failure.

Today we are 52 months and over $37,000 into trying to conceive.

Despite the hurdles we have dealt and the inevitable struggles that come with it we are proud of the foundation we are building and the expanded family that will surely follow.

A lot of people think that infertility is a state of mind - we need to stop thinking we are infertile and instead focus on being fertile.

But I disagree.

I believe in acceptance of infertility. It’s not a dirty, bad, or negative word. It’s the reality of what we have been going through. It’s a word that reflects endurance, strength, and durability. Infertile people can be parents - we are capable, and we WILL.

It’s not a matter of if, but when.

And that’s totally okay.

#InfertilityUncovered #NIAW #NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

#NIAW #National Infertility Awareness Week

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