#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

[dearestkong]

introduction (i am not going to live like this anymore)

hello, I’m 空 (kong).

it’s currently midnight on a school night. i have six hours of screen time, an unfinished to-do list, crushing inertia, and a university application waiting for me in a few months’ time.

i’m a good student, and i have high ambitions. yet for the last few weeks i’ve basically worked the bare minimum to keep up appearances, while living in a hole of dysfunction and self-hatred. not working, not reading, not speaking or relaxing. just festering.

i can’t do that anymore. i love myself too much to let this be my future.

so welcome to my blog: project Get Out Of This Hole No Matter What!

i’m a high school student doing my a-levels (humanities).

i speak english and chinese fluently.

updates will be posted to the #kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ tag.

this will not be a “normal” studyblr. i won’t post pictures (i’m a minor, i don’t want irls finding me). it’ll be more like a diary, or a confessional.

to live fiercely, to inhabit my ideal. to give everything i can to the girl i love the most. that’s all i want. and it’s going to be hard.

but i can do it. i have to.

i don’t have any other choice.

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #studyblr #study motivation #self improvement #student life #studying #study blog #study with me #study study study #student #studyspo #study aesthetic #studyinspo #motivation #it girl #girlblogging #girlhood

[dearestkong]

thursday 25th april

sleep: 10-6 (8h)

screen time: 2h 30m

wins:

first time stepping into leadership role🫀

way too much history pre-reading✏️

10min full body stretch and 1 hour of pilates🫁

scheduled project meeting✏️

made posters for school event 📂

school ceremonial dinner⭐️😇

HEATED gossip session🫀

losses:

my entire body aches from practice yesterday🩸

the feeling of loneliness from yesterday is enveloping me and I don’t know why. it’s not like there’s nobody by my side or anything, it’s just that I still feel so empty. i think it’s a subconscious form of homesickness 🎭

which is scary… exams are soon, kong! No time to waste moping around

stayed up past my bedtime doomscrolling 📵

☆彡

still not sure if the pilates was a good idea.... muscle aches still there just more in my abs

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #girlblogging #self improvement #study with me #studyspo #student life #study study study #studying #studyinspo

[dearestkong]

thursday, 18th april

sleep: ~7 hours (1am-8am) (NOT ENOUGH)

screen time: 3h 15m

wins:

analysed sample papers ✏️

took my dog out for lunch 🫀

spent a sick and twisted amount of time essay drafting (3+ hours???????) ✏️

final day of online course ✏️

30 mins of history recall ✏️

began reading the library books I borrowed for research ✏️

Started thinking about packing (dying noise)

losses:

Fighting my own attention span because why the fuck did an UNFINISHED ESSAY take me 3 hours 📵

☆彡

i love my dog so much and she has given me more happiness than I can thank her for. also we're back to the neko atsume screenshots because it's who I am

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #girlblogging #self improvement #study with me #studyspo #student life #study study study #studying #studyinspo #glow up #chaotic academia #productivityboost #100 days of productivity

[dearestkong]

🐜☕️trying something new // tuesday 16th april

okay airing out my tiny wins every day on this blog has been Fun and all but I still feel like shit so switching tactics. this is my to-do list for today; i'll reblog with an update again before going to sleep and reveal how much was completed.

second day of online course ✏️

chapter 7 notes for history ✏️

finish reading book 4 extended project ✏️

go for half run half walk 🫁

screen time under 2.5 hours 🫀

☆彡

my outfit today is so fucking cool -> ergo I can't fail. Sometimes I wish I wasn't an anonymous faceless blog because my fits go so hard and I think my face is pretty but I'm trapped and bound by fear of digital footprint

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #studyspo #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study study study #study with me #studying #studyinspo #chaotic academia #glow up #work hard

[dearestkong]

🫐🪿 5% is better than 0% // sunday 14th april

achievements for yesterday because it was bad but I kept going

ran some errands

spent 30 minutes on fully focused research

worried and fretted about my project for the whole day but worrying = thinking about it and thinking about it = planning. so I am not going to beat myself up about this.

revised a tiny bit of every subject in an end-of-day wrap-up and now I don't feel so lost

finished a great book

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #studyspo #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study study study #study with me #studying #studyinspo #discipline #glow up

[dearestkong]

saturday, 16th march

sleep: 10:30-7 (8.5 hours)

screen time: 5h 16m (I can’t defend myself)

wins:

- morning study/walk. bought bakery bread and fruit

- notes for class 2 and one piece of homework done

- emailed an academic for my extended project

- homework for class 3 completed

- glammed up for a school ball 😇

losses:

- noontime ROT!! only did 2 out of 3 tasks

- actually revolting level of screen time

- did not help someone and was eaten alive by guilt

☆彡

got a huge huge running start to the day and then kind of fell off but had a comeback. anyway I feel pretty (!!!!) and got back late from the party so … i’ll sleep now

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyspo #studyblr #100 days of productivity #self improvement #student life #studying #girlblogging #chaotic academia #dark academia #study study study #study abroad #study aesthetic #studyinspo #study with me

[dearestkong]

tuesday, 2nd april

sleep: 12:30-10:15 (around 9h)

screen time: 1h 59m

wins:

- watched a movie with my friends

- went thrifting and found a Beautiful top

- bought sakura matcha at gorgeous cafe that I will never financially recover from

- cracked open my textbook. wrote like 5 sentences. Better than nothing

losses:

- woke up late and feeling like I’ve wasted the day

- procrastinated because I’m a coward.

- here is what I did while procrastinating: read my old book, started a new book, beat the snake game on google, beat the snake game in another mode, scrolled Tumblr, scrolled reddit, scrolled the fucking scp wiki, read my old essay feedback, made dinner, made a picrew of myself

☆彡

have you ever cried over how bad jet lag was? Because I have! Multiple times lol I feel like a failure because I can’t wire my brain to sleep at the correct times

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study motivation #study study study #study with me #studyblr #studying #studyinspo #studyspo #chaotic academia #productivityboost #productivity challenge #100 days of productivity #academic validation #light academia #lifeblogging

[dearestkong]

thursday, 28th march

sleep: 12-6 (6 hours)

wins:

- got my end of term grades and I’m proud of them

- reading groups + future leadership… Rahhhhhh

- i’m reading hamlet for school and i think i’m in love with him. I’ve loved characters before but I’m actually IN LOVE with hamlet and it’s become a joke with my friends that whenever we analyse his lines my heart flutters.

- kind of losing my marbles but in a cool chilled out way

losses:

- sleep deprivation is catching up with me. I napped 3 times in the school day

☆彡

writing this in the airport. chances are i won’t post tomorrow because I’ll be travelling HOME!!!!!!!!! thank you everyone who’s reading this stupid little blog and I think it actually has made me better a Little bit. holy fuck this panna cotta I’m eating is delicious

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study motivation #study study study #study with me #studyblr #studying #studyinspo #studyspo #chaotic academia #light academia #study abroad #study aesthetic #get motivated #discipline #100 days of productivity #work hard

[dearestkong]

monday, 29th April // my weekly tracker

sleep: 10pm-6am (8h)

screen time: 2h 54m

wins:

set up weekly tracker🫀

leadership responsibilities.. lots of public speaking and organising💪

test today after final blurting + essay practices✏️

homework (essay planning)✏️

power hour: history/maths revision✏️

ate well today!🫁

losses:

need to learn how to actually REST and not just fake scroll-for-five-minutes rest📵

☆彡

hit 100 followers a few days ago ,, thank you everyone who reads these.

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #girlblogging #study with me #self improvement #studyspo #student life #study study study #studying #studyinspo #glow up #becoming that girl #lifeblogging #100 days of productivity

[dearestkong]

monday, 18th march

sleep: 1:30-7 (5.5 hours… i’m dead)

screen time: 5h 5m (literally nearly the same as the time I’ve slept)

wins:

- the academic i emailed replied and was very kind and helpful

- great meeting with my project supervisor

- tried rollerskating

- cried because a lot of people love me

- did most of my homework for the next day but the wifi shuts off at midnight so i kind of failed with that

losses:

- doomscrolled my way into sleep deprivation

- relapsed after coming back from school. I would have kept going if i wasn’t so embarrassed that my housemates would take notice.

- after that everything just hit rock bottom LOL i wasted so, so much time and had to work til midnight

- Pretty sure something’s wrong with me

☆彡

really sorry to anyone reading, if you were expecting something motivational. just need to keep going, i guess. can’t do anything else.

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study with me #student life #girlblogging #self improvement #study aesthetic #study motivation #study study study #studyblr #studying #studyinspo #study abroad #study blog #studyspo #chaotic academia #dark academia

[dearestkong]

saturday, 30th march

sleep: ??? (in jet lag hell)

screen time: 3h 8m

wins:

- ate MAPO TOFU and went to the fucking ART GALLERY with my loved ones and it fixed me

- unpacked my suitcase and spring cleaned

- history wider reading

- drew up a battle plan for the easter holidays

losses:

- i haven’t seen my family for weeks and the 1st thing we did when I got home was argue. it’s like a tradition LOL… kind of bittersweet in a way

- interrogated by my mother vis-a-vis the many many relapses. had the “it’s all about self-discipline/do you need to speak to a professional/you gave yourself this problem” talk for the 1000000th time. Can’t really make a joke about this. sorry gang

☆彡

battle plans set. we’re at war from here on out!!!! i’m going to work hard

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study motivation #study study study #study with me #studyblr #studying #studyinspo #studyspo #chaotic academia #discipline #glow up #school #study abroad #productivity challenge #productivityboost #100 days of productivity

[dearestkong]

🐇🍎mini diary // thursday 11th april

today's achievements. still sick but fatigue is receding

finished an excellent book and wrote 1000 words of scathing response to a mean Goodreads comment before I realised I was being insane

Organised past essay feedback

Did an entire chapter of mechanics work and didn’t kill myself

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #decided that on atypical days I won't hold myself to the same standards of winning/losing #I will do these mini diaries! like post it notes on my blog #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study motivation #study study study #study with me #studyblr #studying #studyinspo #studyspo

[dearestkong]

saturday 27th april

sleep: 9pm-7am (slightly less than 10 hours)

screen time: 5h 27m

wins:

long morning walk with the girls🫁

fruit market + pastries + lattes🫀

reading for my extended project✏️

analysis homework✏️

UNDERSTOOD MATH CONCEPT WOO✏️

blurting revision for history✏️

losses:

WASTED SO MUCH TIME ON MY PHONE actually screaming and crying right now. 📵

☆彡

It’s okay because my screen time was lower than my forest study time (5h 55m) so that makes it not too bad right?? right?? (said though floods of tears)

#kong's diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #girlblogging #self improvement #study with me #studyspo #student life #study study study #studying #studyinspo #chaotic academia #study abroad

[dearestkong]

friday 26th april

sleep: 11:30-6:15 (around 6h45m)

screen time: 3h 8m

wins:

history: reading and blurting revision✏️

reading for my extra project ✏️

tutored some little kids 📆

ran 5k after school 🫁

knew my limits 🫀

losses:

embarrassing moments,,, so many today 🏃‍♂️

cancelled plans and rotted in bed without changing or anything.. talk about a crash 📵

☆彡

never thought of myself as someone who's good with kids but I'd literally jump in front of a vehicle for the ones I work with. love them so much. Also I wasn't very on it with regards to sleep but that changes NOWW

#kong's diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #study motivation #studyblr #girlblogging #self improvement #study with me #studyspo #student life #study study study #studying #studyinspo #chaotic academia #100 days of productivity #film production in 2024 #lifeblogging #becoming that girl #glow up

[dearestkong]

tuesday, 9th april

sleep: 10-7:30 (9.5h)

screen time: 4h 26m

wins:

out of the fog of illness and did my best

finished reading/annotating the last 150ish pages of my englit text

extended project: did admin and organisation, preparation for successful start when healthy

++ took a 2 hour nap in the afternoon

losses:

doomscrolling

still coughing, still tired

☆彡

daily updates are back! so scared for no reason all of a sudden. time seems to be running too quickly, I'm suddenly afraid that all the people I respect dislike me. Trying not to be too hard on myself

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study study study #study motivation #study with me #studyinspo #studyblr #studying #studyspo #study blog #study aesthetic #chaos academia #light academia #becoming that girl #glow up

[dearestkong]

wednesday, 3rd april 2024

sleep: no clue. <2 hours

screen time: 5h 33m

wins:

- morning walk (6km)

- did like 60% of the notes I’ve been putting off for days but experienced a mindset shift and WE R GETTING THERE!!!! NO FEAR!!!

- dinner w my favourite aunt

losses:

- Procrastinated (unfinished to do list)

☆彡

Partied a little too hard

#kong’s diaryᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ #girlblogging #self improvement #student life #study motivation #study study study #study with me #studyblr #studying #studyinspo #studyspo #chaotic academia #academic validation #light academia #discipline