#kimya | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dearratthey · 10 months

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Under the blankets like a child hiding from the fictitious monster that lives in the closet, Kimya sat. Criss crossed on her plush white sheets, one hand gripping her pajama pants desperately searching for comfort. Her other arm rested against her chest as her teeth ravaged the nubs of her fingertips as there was no more nail to bite down. She had ripped off her acrylic nails just to bite them. The points of her fingers throbbed with her quick heartbeat.

She resented this. So childlike. Infantile. It disgusted her in the back of her mind but the compulsion was too strong for her to stop.

A sharp gasp escapes her as she bites too hard into one finger and tears a chunk from a layer of skin by the hangnail. A film of blood begins to pool from the side of her nail and her eyes laser focus to it, watching it eventually form a full drop and spill slowly down the side of her finger. Her breath shakes as she tries to force herself to breathe through her nose. It makes her lungs feel heavy like lead.

Her eyelids flutter out of control till she squeezes them shut and puts her face in her hands. Finally she opens her mouth and yells out a loud growl of a whine. Anguish and defeat and genuine rage communicated so concisely in a string of random noises. No better than a toddler that can’t get what they want. Eyes open like an old house’s shutters and suddenly the blanket is off her head. Her overhead light now overstimulating to her strained eyes.

“Why? Why would he do that?”, she spits. The first ‘why’ brought acid to her lips but the second held a voice crack that struck her like lightning.

Embarrassing; her brain comments.

Lincoln came home shortly after Kimya; she didn’t notice. Too busy stuck in her head. Rationalizing is so, so loud. In parallel, he also thought he was alone. He sat himself down on the worn sofa that came with the duplex house when they moved in. Leftover from previous owners aplenty. Kimya noted it was disgusting but beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to needing furniture. Elbows rested on knees, his hands hold his tense face. Lost in thought as well, eyes darting around the room but not seeing the interior of their humble little living room. Thoughts moving a million miles a minute as flashes of images arrange and rearrange in his mind. Why was he wrong before? He’s never encountered anyone as flighty as Cori and it kept his thoughts very occupied as of late. He may as well be a detective in a cheesy cop flick with the cork board of images and documents all attached by strings of red yarn and old rusty tacks; papers and the like scattered on the floor stained with a whole pot's worth of coffee. Luckily for Lincoln, being a very composed man means this stays in his head at the least.

The only thing that could break him from his perplexing trance was the muffled sound of a deep groan and something he could hardly make out. His body tensed, eyes acting accomplice to ears to trace to source of the sound. He thought maybe Elijah was back to his dramatics or playing an online game and yelling into the mic again. But no, he couldn’t be home, it’s too obvious when he’s there. Elijah’s presence changes the air in a room. Plus he’d be whining louder than what Lincoln was hearing now, explaining to a 10 year old why they weren’t playing the game in the most efficient way possible. Lincoln almost rolls his eyes just thinking about it.

He thought harder, body still frozen in place, then more mumbled talking followed by a glass voice coming to shatter.

Kimya.

“God, what now?”, the words escape under his breath as he stands. He waited; for what he didn’t know. Maybe to hear crying if any. He wasn’t very equipped at comforting emotional people, not to mention Kimya’s tendency to not be very keen on accepting the comfort.

There was no sob he could hear.

Soon, a light knock on the door, stuttered and unsure. Kimya’s body grew rigid as she was now very aware of herself in the physical plane.. Her spine stretched to perfect posture as her eyes locked onto the inside of her bedroom door.

“What!?” The word barely escapes her bear trap of a mouth and with more contention than she admittedly anticipated. A scoff could be heard through the door though it still did not open. Her shoulders droop slowly back down to a slouch. At this moment she’s no different than a dog, scared, hair standing up all down its back.

“…Come in…” eventually she speaks again. Moments after, Lincoln enters her room, still stood respectfully (uncomfortably) in the doorway, her plush carpeting brushing the edge of his foot. The air stays thick with silence.

“I thought no one else was home.”

“Yeah, well, me too.”

They both had the habit of talking like a viper with poison on the tongue; a defense mechanism perhaps. Neither of them meant it nor did the ice the other spits affect them in any real way. Fake recognizes fake.

Silence again.

This is where, if he was here, Elijah would jump in with some stupid comment to break their faux tension. But he wasn’t so the two shared their silence a moment longer.

Lincoln’s gaze was locked on Kimya, crisscrossed on her bed, hair frizzy and unkempt from the blanket rubbing all over it. He examined her closely, grasping for any information he could possibly ascertain without having to ask out loud. His eyes locked onto hers but Kimya’s eyes were set, almost unblinking, at her hands. She looked tired, he thought, hurt.

Kimya was the one to finally cut the silence, eyes still frozen to her hands.

“My hands are shaking.”

More silence

“…okay…”

She let a sharp breath escape, had she forgotten how to breathe?

“They won’t stop fucking shaking.”

She keeps her eyes locked onto her red hands.

Lincoln doesn’t respond right away. He brings his eyes slowly to her hands, as if her noticing would set her off. He saw the little trickle of blood dried on the side of her finger. He saw her new set of acrylic nails laying in a disorderly pile on the carpet. He saw how she had chewed any millimeter of white nail she had off on every finger. And he saw her hands were in fact shaking.

Being a thorough man, he brings his eyes back to hers only to find that they weren’t even looking at her hands. Maybe physically, yes, but she was a million miles away.

“Kimya…” he breaks the flood of silence at last, “you know, you don’t need to-“ he pauses for a moment, considering his words. “-you can tell me things. You know?” He swallows the spit that fills his mouth and it goes down like a rock. He could’ve just left her alone to wallow but something tugged at his brain and his heart to see her so obviously deflecting the point. She was like an annoying little sister. Lincoln resented this feeling; it was letting someone too close without plan or expectation. It was dangerous. He couldn’t help it.

Kimyas body tensed once again and for the first time since he walked into the room, she brought her eyes to his. Her hands lowered into her lap and her eyebrows knitted together to study his face. Is this a joke? No. Lincoln’s not that much of a jokester. Her eyes held an ocean of sadness in them as she looked at him. They studied the man’s visage, trying to discern whether he was to be trusted. Her heart weighed her down further into her mattress. Was he expressing real concern for her? Her eyebrows softened but her gaze stayed intense on his icy eyes. She knew he could be trusted superficially. He hadn’t betrayed her yet, and besides the trio all knew the stakes for ratting on one another and up to this point, it has never crossed each other's mind.

She looked down to the floor.

“It’s not that serious”, she lies.

“I’m not going to sit in the other room and listen to you wail. Be an adult, c’mon.” His voice was stern and harsh but caring. He meant what he said… but he also knew not knowing what’s wrong with her would eat him alive. She looked at him again for a long, long time. A few times, her lips parted but she couldn’t get a word out. Lincoln crossed his arms across his chest loosely and leaned his weight against her doorframe. He turned his watch to his eyes dramatically to lighten the mood a little. In any other situation she would’ve found it silly.

“He doesn’t like me. He lied.” She turns away from him again and lets out a dry laugh, her eyes wide and pointed down to the bed. Without the laugh it would’ve come out as a cry. Lincoln’s face softens ever so slightly, eyebrows raising the gentlest amount. His microscopic movements displaying his practiced control. She glances up to him quickly, then back down to her sheets, wringing her blanket in her sore hands absentmindedly.

“Do you… do you know Rachel McMiller? She’s a suck up so she’s in all the clubs...” A sneer crosses her lips “… so you probably know her.” Flashes of anger and hurt and rage and disgust pass between her eyes as she gathers her words.

“Anyway- whatever- she’s uh,” she pauses to let another dry laugh pass her chewed lips. “She’s dating Finn right now.” It leaves her mouth like a hairball from a cat’s. Her breath stutters as she turns her head back away from him. Suddenly she felt like a dying animal being circled by a vulture; exposed and vulnerable. She loathed it.

Lincoln’s face softened further and he felt the pang of her pain strike him momentarily. He dropped his arms to his sides, still leaned against the doorframe. It was quiet again for a moment but eventually, Lincoln opened his mouth again only to be interrupted by Kimya’s meek voice.

“He said,” she clears her throat. “He said that thought she was a pretentious suck up.” A misplaced grin sat frozen on her lips as she spoke. She drops the blanket in her hands and fidgets with one of her rings.

“He used to tell me that she asked him to study a lot and he always turned her down… because me and him study, you know? But…” her face scrunches up ever so slightly.

“I just- I thought-“ her body loses its fight and tears begin to form on her waterline. She turns to him, eyes wide like a sad kitten malnourished and abandoned by its mother.

Lincoln leans away from the doorframe and sits on her bed next to her, leaving a foot of space between them.

“I understand”, He cuts her off. She doesn’t flinch as he takes his place on her bed next to her. She looks at him earnestly, without speaking. They stare at each other, quiet once again fills the space though it’s a welcome and full of comfort now. They have a thorough chat without words as their eyes lock. She leans her body over and lets out a long sigh, her forehead making gentle contact with his shoulder, tangled hair falling forward with her. A few tears stream down her face, he feels a few pass his bare arm.

“Lincoln…” she holds her position and he stays unmoving. He keeps his body rigid to support her leaning on him. He looks down at the top of her head leaned against him quietly. Eventually his hand raises and plants itself firmly on one of her shoulders. Again, she does not flinch. Her tears fall faster. “It hurts Lincoln…” she squeaks out no louder than a baby mouse.

“I know,” he replies gently. His mind races, grabbing for the right thing to say. He so badly wants to start planning to kill Finn; or at least beat the shit out of him. He shakes the thought, not worth his time. Kimya wouldn’t like it either. He’s so angry for her, because she won’t be. Cori flashes in his mind momentarily and a gear of sympathy turns in his heart. He continues, “but you know… Rachel is not going to be able to handle him the way you do.”

He doesn’t really know what he’s saying but it feels right. A sad laugh falls against his shoulder before she responds. “There’s no way she’ll ever love him like I do.” A malice rests on her words. Lincoln smiles sadly and bites his tongue once again. “You’re right” his words are firm, tangible. She leans up to look at him, his hand falling from her shoulder. Her eyes are red and glossy but her breathing is no longer heavy and staggered.

Kimya studies Lincoln’s face with a distant bittersweetness before leaning back into his chest, his heartbeat soft in her ear. A different air of sorrow hangs around her; it’s palpable.

“You make me miss my brother sometimes.”

“Oh.”

Seconds pass.

“I think I’d rather have you here, though.” She glances up at him, his eyes locked onto hers. She sits back up on her bed. Lincoln stands. There’s an understanding between them after this moment.

She wipes her tears into her skin, residual make up smudged around her eyes.

“Now get out of here no one is supposed to see me when I’m ugly” she laughs weakly.

He lends a gentle nod her way and grins.

“I’m tired of looking at you anyway.”

The door shuts behind him and she’s alone again. She lays on her back, eyes glued to the popcorn ceiling. A small smile sits atop her lips and eventually, sleep washes over her like the tide to the beach. She needed that. They needed it. Lincoln sits in his own room, contemplating their interaction. The duplex is at peace again.

#oc #oc writing #Kimya #Lincoln #Finn #my writing #trying to be braver about sharing my writing #I don’t think this will get any attention I’m just proud of it #makes me miss rp so bad #i love my ocs

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cagdasyatirim · 2 years

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KENEVİR NEDEN YASAKLANDI?

👉1. Bir dönümlük kenevir, 25 dönümlük orman kadar oksijen üretir.

👉2. Yine bir dönümlük kenevirden, 4 dönüm ağaça eş kağıt üretilebilir.

👉3. Kenevir tam 8 kez kağıda dönüştürülebilirken, ağaç 3 kez kağıda dönüştürebilir.

👉4. Kenevir 4 ayda yetişir, bir ağaç ise 20-50 yılda.

👉5. Kenevir, gerçek bir radyasyon temizleyicidir.

👉6. Kenevir dünyanın her yerinde yetiştirilebilir ve çok az suya ihtiyaç duyar. Ayrıca kendisini böceklerden koruyabildiği için tarım ilacına da ihtiyaç duymaz.

👉7. Kenevir ile yapılan tekstil ürünleri yaygınlaşırsa, tarım ilacı sektörü tamamen ortadan kalkabilir.

👉8. İlk kot pantolon, kenevirden yapılmıştır; hatta “kanvas” kelimesi kenevir ürünlerine verilen isimdir. Kenevir ayrıca ip, halat, çanta, ayakkabı, şapka yapımı için de ideal bir bitkidir.

👉9. Kenevir, AİDS ve kanser tedavisinde kemoterapi ve radyasyon etkisini azaltma; romatizma, kalp, sara, astım, mide, uykusuzluk, psikoloji, omurga rahatsızlıkları gibi en az 250 hastalıkta kullanılmaktadır.

👉10. Kenevir tohumunun protein değeri çok yüksektir ve içindeki iki yağ asidi de doğada başka hiçbir yerde bulunmamaktadır.

👉11. Kenevirin üretimi soyadan bile daha ucuzdur.

👉12. Kenevirle beslenen hayvanlar, hormon takviyesine ihtiyaç duymaz.

👉13. Plastik ürünlerin tamamı, kenevirden üretilebilir ve kenevir plastiğinin doğaya dönüşmesi oldukça kolaydır.

👉14. Bir arabanın gövdesi kenevirden yapılırsa, dayanıklılığı çelikten tam 10 kat fazla olur.

👉15. Binaların yalıtımı için de kullanılabilir; dayanıklı, ucuz ve esnektir.

👉16. Kenevirle yapılan sabunlar ve kozmetik ürünler, suyu kirletmez; yani tamamen doğa dostudur. Amerika’da 18. yüzyılda üretimi zorunluydu ve üretmeyen çiftçiler hapse atılıyordu. Ancak durum şimdi tam tersi. Neden?

👎-W. R. Hearst, 1900’lü yıllarda Amerika’da gazete, dergilerin ve medyanın sahibiydi. Ormanları vardı ve kağıt üretiyordu. Eğer kenevirden kağıt yapılırsa, milyonlarını kaybedebilirdi.

👎-Rockefeller, dünyanın en zengin adamıydı. Petrol şirketi vardı. Bio yakıt olan kenevir yağı da, elbette onun en büyük düşmanıydı.

👎-Mellon, Dupont şirketinin ana hissedarıydı ve petrol ürünlerinden plastik üretmek için patente sahipti. Ve kenevir endüstrisi, onun pazarını tehdit ediyordu.

👎-Sonra ise, Mellon ABD Başkanı Hoover’in hazine bakanı oldu. Bu bahsettiğimiz büyük isimler yaptıkları toplantılarda, kenevirin bir düşman olduğuna karar verdiler. Ve onu ortadan kaldırdılar. Medya aracılığıyla, marihuana sözcüğüyle birlikte keneviri, insanların beynine, zehirli bir uyuşturucu olarak kazıdılar.

Kenevir ilaçları piyasadan çekildi, bunun yerini bugün kullanılan kimnyasal ilaçlar aldı.

Kağıt üretimi için, ormanlar katledildi.

Tarım ilaçları ile zehirlenme ve kanser arttı.

Ve derken dünyamızı plastik çöplerle, zararlı atıklarla donattık..

Alıntı. . .

#kenevir #ot #abd #türkiye #kimya #orman #ambargo

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