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cosmicjoke · 2 years

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Hange’s Sacrifice and the Culmination of Levi’s Loss and Grief

I think it can be said, without question, that the person within the Survey Corps that was Levi’s closest friend, was Hange. More than any other character, it was Hange that we always saw Levi with, it was Hange with whom Levi shared the same goal, it was Hange who Levi was partnered with the most, and Hange who, out of all his comrades, remained with him the longest, held out the longest. Certainly I think, whether you’re involved in any kind of shipping wars or not, it can’t be denied that with Hange, Levi had a closer personal relationship than just about any other of his comrades. And truly, I think, this is why it was her death, and the circumstances surrounding it, which really served as the tipping point for Levi. Which really plunged him into a state of near crippling depression. I say near, because as we know, Levi still found the strength, somehow, to keep fighting, even after she was gone. But God, it was maybe the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, and that’s saying a lot, considering the amount of loss and pain he’d suffered up to that point.

To really understand just how heavy a burden, just how acute the pain of Hange’s loss on Levi was, I think it’s also necessary to look at what happens just one chapter before, I believe, when Levi is at last able to make it to his feet after being severely injured by Zeke.

We see the panel of Levi pulling himself along the deck railing of the boat the alliance is using to sail to the Azumabito port. He can barely stand, needing to grasp onto the railing, needing to lean his weight almost entirely against it just to stay on his feet. Subsequently, I would point to this exact panel whenever anyone makes the absurd claim that Levi could have fought with his comrades during the battle with the Yeagerists back at the port. No, he couldn’t have. He was barely able to fight during the final battle against Eren. But I digress. Anyway, Armin finds him and naturally expresses alarm at his being up and about, taking hold of him and telling him he should lay back down, to which Levi replies that he’s slept enough. And then he says something that’s really crucial to understanding his character, I think. He tells Armin “Besides, if I sleep much longer, all of you are going to forget I even exist.”.

What this tells us about Levi is just how much of his sense of self-worth is wrapped up in his ability to help people. If he can’t help people, from Levi’s perspective, he might as well not even exist. This truly is a heartbreaking revelation about the way Levi views himself. That he sees himself as worthless if he isn’t able to help others. It also recalls Kenny’s dying words to him, just before he went into his speech about everyone being a slave to something. He said to Levi “What are you, a hero?”. And indeed, that is the thing Levi is a slave to. It isn’t a dream of Levi’s, to be a hero, the way it was to say, Reiner. It isn’t self-serving, it isn’t to boost his own ego or standing in the world. Levi, because of his great strength, and because of the harsh and desperate circumstances of his life growing up, understanding the fragility and fleeting nature of life, feels an incredible responsibility to use it as a sword and shield for others, to protect others, to fight for others and preserve their dreams. He knew he had these abilities which were far beyond that of any other person, abilities which, for a long time, he didn’t understand the purpose of, until he was able to make his first friends in Furlan and Isabel, and he understood finally what his strength could and should be used for. Because he had this thing that nobody else seemingly did, an immense power, and so he felt it was his responsibility to use it for the sake of the people around him. He was doing this as far back as his time in the Underground, where he fought to protect not only Furlan and Isabel, and their dream of living on the surface, but other delinquents and orphaned children who sought refuge and protection under him, as part of his gang. Levi always understood his strength didn’t make him better than anyone else. It wasn’t something he ever bragged about, or felt made him superior, or more deserving than others. It wasn’t something which fed his ego, or gave him a sense of self-importance. He never saw himself as a savior. For a very long time, he didn’t even know what the point of him having his strength was. He just knew he had it, and after meeting Furlan and Isabel, understood that he could use it to keep others safe. And so eventually, in his mind, possessing this thing which nobody else had, being, in a sense, privileged to have a strength no one else had, Levi felt he owed it to others, to use what he had to their benefit.

And so, every time Levi fails to protect those around him, every time he’s unable to save another person, and they die, Levi feels the weight of that loss tenfold, because in his mind, to save them, to keep them safe, to keep them alive, was his responsibility, was his duty, was what he owed to them, with his great strength.

Now, maybe one of the truest examples of how Levi doesn’t see himself, or wish himself, or dream of himself as a hero, but rather simply is a hero, is that, in AoT’s final arc, he’s robbed of the very thing which allowed him to embody that role to begin with. He’s robbed of his strength, and rendered a physical liability even, needing to be carted around and taken care of by others in the midst of extremely precarious and uncertain circumstances. And yet, even with his strength gone, the very thing which he felt made him responsible for others in the first place, he continues to feel that way, continues to feel as if he owes it to the people around him to fight for them, and protect them, and save them. He doesn’t sit around lamenting that his strength is gone and feeling sorry for himself because of it. He doesn’t wallow in self-pity at being robbed of the thing that made him capable of protecting others, that made him special, even. Instead, he pushes past his physical weakness, forcing himself into action, even when he can barely stand, because he continues on in feeling he owes it to those around him to fight, to lay his life on the line for their lives. It isn’t Levi’s strength, then, that compels him to fight for others. It isn’t Levi’s strength that engenders in him the value with which he regards life.

Rather, it’s Levi’s heart.

He was never a hero because it was easy for him to be one. He was never a hero because he was strong. He was a hero because he understood the value in other people’s lives, and no matter his own circumstances, no matter his own abilities, or struggles, he felt he owed it to people to protect that life, to give his in exchange for theirs.

And so now we come back to Hange, and how her death, and the circumstances surrounding it, brought Levi the closest to his breaking point that we ever saw.

It’s been pointed out by others how, when Hange flies off to intercept the colossal titans, in order to give the alliance the chance they need to get the plane airborne, while all the other members of their group watch on as she fights for them, Levi isn’t able to. His eyes are fixed on the ground, a stricken expression on his face. He only looks up for a brief moment when the people around him begin to cheer, and for an instant, hope comes into his heart, that maybe Hange, somehow, miraculously, will survive and make it back to them. Only the hope is short lived, as they make it onto the plane, and Hange continues to fight, separated from them. Again, the rest of the team watches on as Hange at last succumbs to the burning heat of the steam coming off the titans, bursting into tears as she falls from the sky, and once again, Levi is unable to watch, rooted to his seat on the plane, his eyes fixed to the floor. He can’t bring himself to watch his best friend’s sacrifice. He can’t bear to witness what, to him, is his failure to give what he owes to her.

In the moments before Hange leaves, Levi calls out to her, and the obvious implication is that he’s doing so in an attempt to convince her to stop, to stay, likely with the intent to take her place, and give the alliance the time they need. Only Hange cuts him off before he can even get the words out, telling him she needs this, that this is her moment, her chance to finally live up to the role of Commander that she’s been struggling for the past five years to fulfill. Her chance, at last, to live up to the ideal that Erwin set, an ideal which, poetically, Levi himself gave Erwin the chance to embody by telling him five years earlier to “give up on (his) dream and die”.

Levi had already sensed this possibility, when Hange expressed to him her fears of what their fallen comrades would think, seeing where they were now, and where Hange herself, specifically, had lead them. Levi tells Hange that she sounds like “him”, meaning Erwin, and expresses his own dismay at the similarity, wishing her to stop, to not make the same sacrifice to duty that Erwin had made. He can’t bear to lose another friend to that. He can’t bear the burden of another failure to protect the people he cares for. And yet, shortly after, that’s exactly what happens. Hange makes it clear that she won’t be stopped, that this is what she needs, and Levi can do nothing but support her in her decision, allowing her to leave with an affirmation of their ideal, telling her to “dedicate your heart” as proof of his belief and respect in her, and what she now dies for.

But this truly is the bitterest of pills for Levi to swallow.

Just hours before, he pushed through his own physical frailty and weakness to rally to the cause of humanity, overcoming his own limitations to simply stand up and prepare for battle, to lend his arm to the fight and the protection of his comrades. He continued to feel, despite having every excuse in the world to sit this one out, that it was his duty and responsibility to fight, to give whatever he had left to his friends and fellow soldiers, and to humanity as a whole, only to have that determination thrown back in his face, as he fails yet again to protect the life of his best friend, unable to do anything as she gives her life up for the cause.

Levi’s body language following Hange’s sacrifice really says it all. Never before have we seen him so outwardly dejected and despairing. He sits with slumped shoulders, very nearly curled in on himself, as if in shame, and a visibly pained expression etched into his features, brow furrowed in what seems a struggle against tears. With Hange’s death, the weight of all his losses finally begins to bend Levi, threatening to break him. He is bowing under the weight of his anguish, brought to the brink of hopelessness, and doubt. He is struggling to find the will anymore to continue on, to find the purpose in it.

There really couldn’t have been a heavier burden for Levi to bear in that moment, then to once again have to accept another friends sacrifice, and his own inability to save them, when already he felt as if his weakened state threatened to make him useless. Hange’s death could only serve to reaffirm those feelings in Levi, that belief he holds that, if he isn’t able to help people, he may as well not even exist, so immersed is he in the notion that he owes his life to others, to their hopes and dreams. Levi has never lived for himself, he’s always placed the lives of others above his own, always regarded the value of others lives as above his own, and yet, he alone remains alive out of every close friend he ever had. The weight of that burden would be enough to break just about anyone. Any man lesser than Levi would have succumbed in that moment to utter despair, and given up.

But Levi didn’t. He didn’t give up. He kept fighting, right up until the very end. He saved more lives. And he gave meaning to every, single one of his comrades sacrifices. And after, he continued on still, in their memory, living out the life they had given their own to realize, continuing to bear the weight of their dreams on his shoulders, to make certain what they gave wasn’t given in vain.

#Levi Ackerman #hange zoë #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #SNK analysis

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corner-stories · 4 months

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when it's dark in a cold decembre (but i've got you to keep me warm)

Jean Kirschtein. Mikasa Ackerman. Kiyomi Azumabito. Holiday Visits. Awkward Family Dinners. Cuddles. Doggies. 4191 words. (ao3.)

Vancouver is a change of pace. Having grown so used to winters in Montreal — or even his hometown of Trois-Rivieres — arriving at YVR to rain instead of snow leaves him confused.

At least Mikasa seems to find amusement in the poor Quebecer getting soaked in the drizzle.

A rapid transit line takes them from the airport to downtown, then an Uber driver takes them the rest of the way. As the vehicle crosses the Lionsgate Bridge, Jean’s eyes are affixed to the window and towards the rainy city outside.

At this time of night, all he can see is artificial lights — buildings with glass exteriors standing amidst the ocean and coniferous trees. It’s just enough to let him see the outline of the mountains. Above it all are clouds in a dark sky.

The car drives deeper into West Vancouver. The houses lining the roads are built with an emphasis on style and aesthetic, most of them looking to have been designed very recently with walls made of stone and glass.

Mikasa had told him that her Auntie was wealthy, and as the car passes by a house with more driveways and outdoor entertaining space to do with, the sentiment rings true.

Soon enough, the car arrives at the destination.

The house Mikasa grew up in differs from the gray homes adorning the streets. When Jean sees it, his eyes go to the vinyl siding and the rugged roof tiles, attributes that make the craftsman home feel like an island in the ocean of stone and glass houses.

Jean hoists his bags over his shoulder as the Uber driver takes off down the street. Mikasa walks from the street to the curb, comfortably taking her boyfriend’s hand as he looks at the house.

“You like?”

Jean nods, unable to take his eyes off the bulbs adorning the eaves. “I like the lights.”

“Auntie likes them, too.” She then squeezes his hand and begins guiding him towards the house.

Jean follows, keeping his eyes on the ground and watching her boots step into the puddles on the pathway. The rain is lighter here than it is at the airport, but it’s still enough for water droplets to collect in his hair.

The two climb up the steps and Jean mentally goes over the backstory Mikasa had given him regarding her aunt. Kiyomi had grown up alongside Mikasa’s mother in Tokyo, and despite being cousins they acted a lot more like sisters. They even moved to Vancouver together to study. They had kept in touch even when Makoto married a local man while Kiyomi moved back to Japan.

It was no surprise that Kiyomi was the one who stepped up after Mikasa’s parents passed, gladly taking the nine-year-old in and giving her shelter in a time where she had none. She even decided to move back to Canada permanently to be near her niece.

Despite coming from wealth, Kiyomi kept herself busy as a tenured professor at a local university. Giving lectures on international relations seemed to be her second priority on top of providing for Mikasa. Academia appeared to run in the Azumabito-Ackerman household.

As Jean keeps reciting the lore in his head, he turns to Mikasa and asks a last-minute question.

“So… is there anything else I should know?” His voice is just slightly tinged with his signature wit. “You know, before the point of no return?”

“Just be yourself,” Mikasa insists as her boots touch the top of the porch. “Besides, you both like sassing me and old school Celine Dion, in her mind you can do no wrong.”

Jean makes a noise that’s in between an awkward laugh and a nervous chuckle. “That’s one way to look at things…”

When the doorbell rings, what immediately follows is the sound of several dogs barking their heads off — one even sounds like a howl. Through the pane of glass in the door Jean can see two fluffy creatures with legs rushing to the door. After they yelp at the door for a few seconds, a person descends the stairs and gestures for said creatures to quiet down.

Unsurprisingly, the act of wagging one’s finger at two rambunctious dogs does nothing to quell their screams.

Nonetheless, the door opens and the pair of tired traveling grad students are greeted to the sight of Mikasa’s Aunt Kiyomi.

As to be expected, the older lady is smiling from ear to ear and immediately steps forward to embrace her niece. Mikasa herself gives a gentle grin as she hugs her Aunt back.

“Mikasa!”

“Auntie.”

Jean gives them their space as they reunite. In the space between the doorframe and the door, he gets a better look into the house, taking note of the wooden floors, the warm lighting, the spotless walls. The whole place is impeccably clean, even with the two dogs running around.

Speaking of which, Jean also gets an eyeful of the canines standing behind Kiyomi — one is a samoyed with the doofiest grin he’s ever seen on a dog, and the other is husky with an abundance of fluffy fur. The husky in particular is letting out dramatic weeping noises as it looks at the visitors at the door.

When aunt and niece separate, Kiyomi sets her eyes on Jean.

“And is this the boyfriend I’ve heard so much about?” she asks. “Jean, right?”

Jean gives a nod and a polite smile. “That’s me.” He reaches out and shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you, Miss Azumabito.”

Kiyomi is a head shorter than both Jean and Mikasa. Like her niece, her hair is dark, but she keeps it neatly combed and tied into a proper bun.

The only woman looks him up and down, seemingly content with finally meeting him in the flesh. She even seems flattered by his formality. “Please, call me Kiyomi. And come in, you two must be soaked.”

Jean and Mikasa enter the home, bringing their luggage with them. He’s only been in Vancouver for an hour and he’s already relieved to get out of the downpour.

As Jean shakes the water out of his hair, Mikasa kneels down to the two dogs of the Azumabito household. She beams sweetly at both the husky and the samoyed, both of which are excited to see her return. The husky in particular is wagging its tail so hard that its rear end is shaking.

Back at McGill, Mikasa had spoken at length about her dogs back at home. Back at their apartment, there’s a photo of both the husky and samoyed as puppies pinned to their refrigerator.

Seeing the dogs in the fluff is significantly more enjoyable than seeing them in photo form. The sweet look of heartfelt joy on Mikasa’s face is also a bonus.

“Yes, yes, I missed you, too,” says Mikasa as the husky kisses her cheek.

Kiyomi immediately proves to be a cordial host. She takes Jean’s jacket without being prompted, hanging it up on a nearby coat rack. She then reaches for the luggage and grabs the first two bags she can find.

“It’s been raining all week,” the older lady says. She takes a pair of backpacks to a nearby closet.

“Has it?” asks Mikasa.

There is an irked, gravelly tone to Kiyomi’s voice as she replies. “Unfortunately.”

Mikasa lets out a hum, which is her way of laughing. “That’s a Vancouver Christmas for you.”

Jean chuckles as he rubs his freezing hands together. Now free from the constraints of his parka, he kneels down to get to Mikasa’s level and looks at the pair of dogs.

“Hey, I’ve heard a lot about you two,” he says, petting the head of the cheery samoyed. “So… which one’s which again?”

Mikasa gestures to the husky lovingly licking her cheek. “This one’s Mochi…” She then points to the white fluff ball. “...and this one’s Miso.”

Jean can’t help but chuckle, a throaty one that makes the corners of his mouth turn up.

Somehow, he’s getting the feeling that he’ll enjoy the holidays here.

…

Dinner is a simple affair, though Kiyomi uses it as an excuse to break out a bottle of red from the cellar. Christmas may be a few days away, but her beloved niece returning home is a good reason to celebrate. She serves dishes that Mikasa has had throughout her childhood, only occasionally having to scold the dogs for putting their paws on the table. Evidently, Mochi absolutely drools in the presence of Kiyomi’s katsudon.

And true to Mikasa’s words, Kiyomi is a fan of old-school Dion, as the singer’s Christmas album proceeds to play on the house stereo.

Jean sits at the table and listens to aunt and niece catching up, taking note of the way Mikasa’s eyes light up as she speaks. Sometimes they’ll slip into Japanese in the middle of the conversation, only exchanging a few brief sentences before returning to English. It happens so smoothly that Jean can tell it’s just one of those habits the two share.

And suddenly, he now knows how Mikasa feels when he switches into French with other francophones in front of her.

A part of him is hesitant to chime in, as the flow of the conversation feels so fast. He’s also worried that he might spoil the joy of the reunion.

So he spends the time petting Miso under the table while Mochi tries to steal some bites of okonomiyaki. At least the samoyed has begun taking a liking to him.

Mikasa recalls to her Aunt Kiyomi exactly how she and Jean met. The story involved a social gathering for McGill grad students, as well as alcohol and a karaoke machine. Sometimes Jean thinks about how different things would have been had Mikasa not spilled wine on his shirt at the start of the party — he would have probably spent the night drunk singing instead of watching her trying to fruitlessly clean his clothes in the bathroom.

Considering how many of his colleagues at the School of Architecture were attending the party, Mikasa had most likely saved his reputation before he even had one to destroy.

Mikasa is in the midst of explaining her thesis to Kiyomi, detailing how she made the choice to specialize in plant pathology. Recently, she’s been studying a virus that has only been affecting flowers that thrive in cold weather.

Jean loves it when she gets like this, so wrapped up in explaining her work that she’s talking more than she usually does. Truth be told, he can’t comprehend enough botanical science to truly understand what she’s talking about, but the fact that she can talk about trees and flowers like an artist talks about the Sistine Chapel is enough for him. Seeing the way she lights up as she talks about what she’s dedicating her life to is all he’ll ever need.

Plus, Mikasa always seems tuned in when he goes on and on about architecture mumbo jumbo, even the stuff that he knows for a fact will bore people to tears. (“No one cares about the history of the pillar,” Sasha’s voice echoes in his head.) The least he can do is be an attentive boyfriend.

“It’s nice to know that all those years away from home have done you good,” Kiyomi says, pouring herself a little more wine.

“It has,” Mikasa assures. She then looks down and sees Mochi resting his chin on her lap with a loving look in his eyes.“But I can never stay away for too long…”

Kiyomi looks amused. “Have you ever considered getting a dog?”

“We have,” Jean finally speaks up. It’s telling of him that the one topic he’s more comfortable chining in on is pets. “But it’d be a hassle while we’re both still in school.”

Nonetheless, Kiyomi looks interested and listens intently.

“We did dogsit for our friend Historia once — she’s got a terrier mix, we watched it for about a week,” Jean continues, then lets out a chuckle. “The poor guy would weep every time we crated him for the night, wouldn’t sleep unless he was in the bed with us.”

Mikasa lets out a polite hum, reliving the memories of the two stressed grad students trying to curb a terrier’s energy inside their apartment. At least the little one was calm once he was allowed to sleep in the realm of the humans.

“And our bedroom still has some of Donut’s dog hair in it,” Mikasa adds.

Kiyomi spends a moment politely laughing along.

“Oh, speaking of which,” the older lady starts, eyeing the man currently petting the samoyed under the table. “Jean, I prepared the guest bedroom for you.”

It does not take long for both Jean and Mikasa to understand the implications. Jean is suddenly plunged into a mix of embarrassment and confusion, a sensation that makes him pick up the fidgety mannerisms of a twelve-year-old boy.

“Ah… thank you?” is all he can muster. Awkwardly, he scratches the back of his neck.

Meanwhile, Mikasa’s sweet smile disappears from her pretty face and in its place is a glare directed at the hostess.

“Auntie, I was under the impression that my room would be available for us,” she asks in a tone that’s the slightest bit stilted, perhaps to cover up her clear agitation.

“Oh, certainly, Dear, it’s available for you,” Kiyomi explains simply. The way she says ‘dear’ is both motherly and condescending. “I’ve cleaned it and everything.”

Mikasa starts to look more and more frustrated with every passing second. “I meant for both of us.”

“Not in my house.” Kiyomi then reaches for the bottle in the middle of the table like nothing is wrong. “More wine, anyone?”

Then just like before, Mikasa and Kiyomi slip into a tongue that’s foreign to Jean's ears. This time, instead of speaking Japanese for a sentence or two, the two engage into what can respectfully be referred to as a “passive aggressive debate.”

Jean hasn’t learned enough Japanese to discern exactly what the two are saying, but the subject matter is enough to bring a blush to his cheeks. He didn’t anticipate that the concept of he and Mikasa sharing a room — despite sharing so much more back in their apartment in Montreal — would be such a hot topic in the Azumabito household. Apparently, Kiyomi had put a lot of thought into making sure that her niece and her niece’s boyfriend didn’t get too close.

Mikasa’s tone is composed, focused, the one she uses when she has to babysit freshmen undergrads all day. Yet it is laced with just enough persistence to prove that she’s not backing down without a fight. On the other hand, Kiyomi remains placid as she explains her point, continuing to act like there’s nothing wrong with her silly little rule.

Suddenly, Jean’s wondering why he passed up on his mother’s offer to spend the holidays with her in Montpellier.

To quell the uncomfortable knot forming in his stomach, Jean begins petting another dog — Mochi this time — and reaches for the bottle of red.

“Some wine sounds nice, actually.”

…

Once dinner and the debate is over, the two jet-lagged grad students decide to retire for the night. It’s only 9 o’clock but it feels so much later than that.

The outcome of the conversation has caused Jean to unpack his luggage in the basement guest room, whereas Mikasa is forced to do the same on the top floor.

The last time Mikasa had stayed in her childhood bedroom, she was taking a break before heading onto grad school. She can remember the months she spent preparing to move across the country for a second time — the tables she waited to earn extra cash, the lessons she spent with a tutor to get a better grasp on French. Montreal was going to be a whole new beast compared to Toronto — where she had completed her undergrad — and every reminder of that was a sign that she needed to prepare.

That era of her life was roughly two years ago, yet Mikasa feels like it’s a millenia away.

Despite Kiyomi’s rule regarding her niece and her niece’s significant other, at least the bedroom is clean and cozy. Although the pictures and art on the wall have been removed, the sheets are clean and the blankets are soft, more than enough to help Mikasa survive the night.

So alone in her room, Mikasa lies on a bed and reads a book, her usual habit whenever she needs to fall asleep. With the sound of rain hitting the roof and the two dogs napping at the foot of her bed, she almost feels like she’s in high school again, preferring to spend hours in her room just snuggling with Mochi and Miso.

As Mikasa turns the page, she hears a light knock. Mochi immediately lifts his head from the cushions and watches the door open. Jean peaks in with a playful, almost boyish look on his face, knowing well that what he’s doing is a little mischievous.

He steps into the room calmly, having changed from his traveling clothes to something a lot more comfortable. He’s wearing a pair of pyjama pants that Mikasa bought for him on a whim, as well as a flannel shirt that he’s buttoned sparingly. His hair is damp from a shower, ashy brown locks draping messily over his face. The stubble on his jawline and chin looks a bit thicker, more like a short beard.

Knowing Jean, Mikasa wonders if he’s trying to entice her, as he knows exactly what she thinks when she sees him looking so disheveled.

“What are you reading?” he asks, stepping barefoot into her room. He sits on the edge of her bed and starts petting Miso, who predictably reacts with a doofy grin.

Mikasa looks away from her book. “One of Sasha’s romance novels — she lent it to me.”

Jean catches sight of the muscular man on the cover and raises an eyebrow. “Sasha reads romance?”

“When she can,” Mikasa answers. “Vet school’s been taking up a lot of her time.”

There is a beat — Mikasa continues reading and Jean continues petting the dog on the bed. He then notices something that brings a smile to his face.

“You’re wearing my shirt.”

Mikasa is nonplussed as she turns a page. “I know.”

Nowadays, Jean’s green button-front shirt finds itself in Mikasa’s care more often than his. He doesn’t seem to mind though.

Mikasa changes the subject with ease. She looks up and affixes her gaze to his. “How’s the guest room? Cozy?”

“It is.” He nods his head, then his voice goes warm. “Not as cozy as this though.”

Mikasa is quick to close her book and give him a knowing look. “Don’t get any ideas. I wouldn’t want Kiyomi to toss you onto the street.”

Jean puts his hands up in mock defeat. “Trust me, I wouldn’t want that either.”

Putting her novel away, she straightens her back and sits up. “I’m sorry you had to see the argument.”

“It’s fine,” Jean shrugs. At least he’s good at taking things in stride. “What’s the holidays without some family bickering, huh?”

Mikasa lets out a sigh and looks down. “Unfortunately.”

In hindsight, attempting to argue with Kiyomi in Japanese was somewhat pointless, as Jean most likely knew that they were talking about thanks to their mannerisms. Some things in the world are just made to transcend language barriers.

“But hey, I don’t wanna rock the boat.” He’s trying to keep a positive undertone to his voice. “I just wanted to say goodnight.”

He moves on the bed a bit to sit next to her, gently cupping her face with his hand and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Mikasa closes her eyes and lets the gesture send a warm sensation throughout her entire body. The unease she had dealt with at dinner starts to fade away.

With his palms still touching her cheeks, Jean presses a kiss to her lips. It’s gentle, sweet, and makes her want him to stay.

She puts her hands on his as they remain on her face, gently deepening their kiss as her forehead brushes against his. He’s warm, so warm.

Mikasa’s hands trail down to Jean’s shoulders, then to his chest — her thumbs start hooking into the hems of his shirt.

But before anything more can happen, Jean pulls away. She can see the flustered look on his face as his breathing goes unsteady.

“I should go,” he insists, quickly buttoning up his shirt.

Sensing the urgency Mikasa nods along. She then remembers that Kiyomi is still awake and currently relaxing one floor beneath them.

Also, if they are to engage in any intimacy during the stay, she would rather do it without the dogs in the room.

Jean takes her hand and kisses it, a last gesture before he leaves.

“See you in the morning, mon amour.”

And when everything said is done, he leaves. Standing from the bed, he gives the dogs some last pets before walking out of the bedroom. He makes sure to give Mikasa one last assuring look before he is truly gone.

Once the door is closed, Mikasa takes in a breath and rubs her face. Her palms are sweating. When she opens her eyes she is greeted to the sight of Mochi and Miso staring at her with their unblinking gazes.

Her first instinct is to glare back. “Don’t judge me, I’ve seen you two dig up a hornet’s nest.”

…

It’s 5AM when Mikasa wakes. The room is warm and so is the bed, yet when she reaches to the other side to only feel nothing it might as well be cold as ice.

After opening her eyes, she spends a few moments staring at the ceiling and thinking about how tired she is. She may be on vacation, but parts of her are still in grad student mode. Her body has yet to comprehend that she’s not going to spend the day TAing or going over research notes.

When Mikasa gets up, she notices that the dogs are no longer sleeping at the foot of her bed. With the bedroom door ajar, she surmises that Mochi and Miso have transitioned to sleeping in Kiyomi’s bed, as per usual.

Being jet-lagged, Mikasa feels awake, but the kind of awake where one can either function for the day or go for a few more hours of slumber. She contemplates going for an early morning run to ease her nerves, then looks to the window to find that last night’s downpour has intensified.

Vancouver is always rainy, but the kind of rain that makes it impossible to go outside feels truly constricting.

Then an idea pops into Mikasa’s head, one attached to consequences but possible enough to pull off. She has to be careful though, so as quietly as she can she slips out of bed and steps onto the floor.

The carpets dampen the noise of her footfalls as she makes her way through the hallway. When she sees Kiyomi’s bedroom door slightly ajar, she takes in the sight of her Auntie sleeping in between the world’s fluffiest dogs. Smartly, she makes sure to close the door.

Mikasa descends the stairs to the first floor, moving past the furniture and framed photographs before approaching the basement entrance. The lower portion of the house is as cozy as the rest and when she arrives at the bedroom at the end of the hall she slips in without any hesitation. She makes sure to lock the door behind her.

The guest room is warm, Jean’s belongings are scattered about. On a nearby chair is the shirt he had been wearing in her room and on the desk is one of his sketchbooks — he’s quite fond of traveling with at least one. The open page is filled with doodles of Mochi and Miso.

Jean is fast asleep on the bed, bare-chested and breathing gently. His eyes are closed and his hair is strewn in every direction.

Mikasa doesn’t waste any more time. She slips under the sheets, her body easily finding his, and begins peppering kisses against his shoulder.

With the sweetest touch, she trails her lips up his neck and onto his jaw. His stubble is soft and tickles her face. He lets out a hum, as he’s used to being woken up like this. His eyes are still closed as he shifts slightly, letting Mikasa easily pry herself under his arm. Soon she rests her head on his chest, where she always likes to be. He’s warm, warmer than her room upstairs.

With all his strength, Jean manages to open his eyes just enough to see his girlfriend snuggling against him. The room is dark, but she can still see the sleepy smile on his beautiful face.

“Couldn’t stay away?”

“Not a bit.”

Mikasa relaxes into him, letting his heartbeat become a gentle lullaby. In the sheets his hand finds hers and holds it tight, one of her legs hooking around his. She is content to drift off to sleep just like this.

She’ll deal with the consequences later.

#Jeankasa #Jeanmika #jean kirstein #mikasa ackerman #jean kirschtein #kiyomi azumabito #modern au #grad student au #snk #jkholidaysspecial2023 #jkholidaysspecial

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dorn-queen-of-thorns · 8 months

Text

" A wind of change"

Prolog for " Our future signed in letter"

Time to move on

Paradis the year 857 late summer (1917)

The young woman stands there with a chilled look. She has been invited to the Queen's country estate today by Queen Historia and Diplomat Kiyomi Azumabito. Rather, she was persuaded to do so and brought here. The former members of the alliance will arrive at Paradis in 24 hours and both heads of state are both hoping that Hizuru’s last direct descendant of the shogun will find a capable marriage candidate among them.

The two servants eagerly take the measurements from the 1.78 m tall woman, who has grown a little since the war against Eren Jaeger. She doesn't like the fact that she is taller than all other women. She looks bored with her silver-gray eyes that don't radiate a bit of joy.

The servants have received an order from Diplomat Kijomi to dress up the young lady standing in front of them. The servants are constantly teasing her with their needles, giving her instructions to keep still, and asking questions about which color or fabric she prefers. They dress her up nicely like a docile doll. Ugh!

She doesn't understand why everyone is scurrying around so excitedly and talking in a tour when everything seems dreary to her. How much she misses the quiet of her garden in which she mourns after her memories and in which she can dream of better times. Her oasis of refuge where nobody is welcome, well almost. One is already dead, murdered by her own hands and the other someone she left injured; and until recently she thought that someone had died too. A stab goes through her heart.

You seem to have a lucky hand for men and you seem to treat them wonderfully, she thinks sarcastically about herself.

The background noise of her surroundings brings her back into her reality.

Bored, she listens to the chatter of the two servants, which only consists of gossip:

- " Have you ever heard? Rainer Braun is one of Alliance returnees. According to rumors, he has a weakness for the queen ... "

- " No, not possible. The poor will be disappointed to find out that the queen is already under the hood. But such a liaison would be too complicated between Paradis and Marley. "

- “Or not, it could have been a sign of peace between the two nations. But we still have our second candidate. Rumors say, that one of the Alliance members has a weakness for Miss Mikasa ... This would strengthen the bond between Hizuru and Paradis and create a strong alliance. "

The young Ackermann is not at all interested in the political talk between the two of them. Mikasa just blows a strand of her black hair off her face, bored. She can guess who it is. She expects that Jean will ask for her hand and she has known for years that he is in love with her, but has never been able to find anything romantic about her former comrade and friend. Now he thinks he has a good chance in the hope that she would agree to a marriage out of weakness. Far from it ... Eren is still on her mind ... and also her captain . She never really got off with Eren and her guilty feelings towards Captain Levi wear her down over time. There has never been room for Jean except a feeling of family camaraderie, at best friendship.

The conversation continues:

- “You don't mean the captain, are you? Diplomat Kijomi finds sympathy and prefers him ”, the servant escapes a giggle.

At the mention of the captain she feels deep guilty feelings that cannot be shaken off and she ever regrets talking to him about his request on Falco’s back. She wonders how he would react if he saw her now. She has to admit that she misses him very much. At night she cries for Eren and the captain in her sleep. Again and again she has the dream where she lives in the vastness of nature with someone who has the characteristics of Eren, but also of Captain Levi and leaves her confused after waking up.

She thinks the captain would send her away disappointed for leaving him with Eren's head in her arms.

She feels nauseous at this grotesque sight she has presented to everyone. She's not proud of what she did. But she had no choice, did she?

She had to give Eren an acceptable burial and peace ... Peace that she seeks and wants for herself too.

Other snippets of conversation:

- "Oh, what are you thinking again? Well , he looks good, but who would get involved in such a little stinky boot? No, I mean Officer Kirstein! According to the newspaper articles, this turned out to be a really handsome young man. A leader at that! He would suit her. "

Both servants look expectantly at Mikasa. At best, she reacts in frustration. Mikasa is slowly losing patience. There is no way she can take this conversation any longer. She hates being talked about, but nobody asks for her opinion, even though she stands in front of them. Surely they interpret her silence as a silent admission. The only joy she feels is that she will definitely see Armin again in 24 hours. The second member of her self-chosen family with a little luck and a lot of hope also her former superior.

Armin's letters show that he married his Annie and that they are both expecting their first child in six months. At least one of their trio who has found happiness and peace.

But you don't really count yourself that lucky. Don't be silly, Mikasa! She tells herself.

I don't want any of this, why doesn't anyone here understand me? Tears of anger well up in her.

"Are we done here?" It comes out of her. The servants put everything aside at her request and grant her wish to dismiss her.

As she disappears out the door, she hears a disapproving fragment of conversation:

- "What's the matter with her? She doesn't seem to appreciate the luck, that will drive her again, tomorrow ?! "

Mikasa turns around and looks in disbelief in the face of the cheeky servant.

“You're talking about luck ?!”, she exclaims angrily , “no, you were lucky that I saved your ass and that Armin saved your ass one more time by clearly advocating peaceful, diplomatic solutions. Paradis and the last nations that Paradis could have been dangerous ... How lucky is it to have to live with the burden of having killed a loved one whom one could not save from oneself? “She holds her hand to her forehead in frustration. Her tears run incessantly, “how lucky it is to have left someone who just asked to stay with him and the others. If that means happiness, then it is MY HAPPINESS every night thinking about it and crying myself to sleep ... "

Mikasa says goodbye with the door slamming ...

24 hours later:

Mikasa has to sadly discover that not all members of the former alliance have appeared on Paradis.

Captain Levi, the two Marley children and Onyankopon are missing. That the captain did not show says so much about him and her depression pulls her into a deep hole. She hoped to be able to exchange a clear word with him, the need to open up to him is huge in her and she wanted to apologize sincerely to him. Crap!

She sits there, dressed like a doll, feeling out of place, although she is sitting next to Eren's stone, his final resting place. She would like to go back to her garden or be alone with Eren with her thoughts ...

To find some comfort, she pulls Eren's old scarf up to her nose and listens to the conversations in a depressed state. Everyone exchanges old memories with her about Eren. She knows it's meant to be kind, but it doesn't help her much.

"Are you okay, Mikasa?" It is her friend Armin, he and the others look at her with concern.

"It's okay ..." she says thoughtfully, she feels Jean’s pitying look on her and she hates it. She wishes someone else would care for her like that. She sighs in frustration.

Armin watches her , but only says: “I see. Are you coming with us to Historia? It's her daughter's birthday today and we wanted to talk about old times again. "

She doesn't like the idea of visiting Historia and her family at all and notices that in the 3 years she has never seen the queen's daughter. It's almost as if Historia's daughter is a state secret. Everyone is talking about her, but no one has caught a glimpse of her so far, which makes Mikasa extremely skeptical or is the daughter just kept secret from her eyes for a specific reason?

Don't think about that , Mikasa! , she thinks. "Go ahead! I'll be back later, ”and she waves to the others and looks into the distance.

Why didn't you come back with the others? I didn't mean it that way, and she cries into her scarf.

"Mikasa?"

Shit Jean! The hair on the back of Mikasa's neck stands on end and her former comrade crouches down in front of her and comes uncomfortably close to her.

She still perceives someone close to them . It is the former titan shifter of the car titan Piek Finger, who stands a little apart between Mikasa and Jean and also the abandoned group. Apparently she doesn't really know whether to follow Armin and the others or wait for Jean and Mikasa.

Jean timidly takes one of her delicate hands and wipes a tear from her face.

What the hell are you doing ?, Mikasa feels like everything inside of her is cramping together.

"Mikasa, I'm so sorry for you ...", Jean begins, "you shouldn't have been alone here for 3 years and you shouldn't have to be now ..."

She can feel Jean’s gaze on her. She feels that she is starting to sweat and she is uncomfortable with it.

"I wish for you that you find peace and that you can let go of your past and I am always there for you ...", Jean continues. He has to take a deep breath.

“My concern, why I am here, Mikasa. I've always worried about you and I still do. I want to ask you if you like to marry me? "

Mikasa expected Jean’s plan. Standing before a fait accompli hits her with a cold fist in the pit of her stomach. She glances at Piek.

From Piek’s facial expressions, Mikasa can tell that she feels similar to Mikasa, although probably for different reasons.

Mikasa looks at Jean again, who looks at her expectantly. “Oh Jean, that's so nice of you. But please give me two days to think about it! “, Mikasa, you‘re wretched liar! Ugh!

She can see from Jeans facial expressions that he has not expect this answer. Does she see any signs of hurt vanity or grief?

Mikasa is sorry for Jean for rejecting him and now feels guilty about him.

Piek answers: “Come on‘ Jean. Give her some time ... “The mood of the young Marleyr seems a little brighter than it was before. At least it gives the impression to Mikasa.

"Get ahead of you two. I'll be with you in 20 minutes, ”she exchanges a look with Piek, but Jean doesn't notice anything. Mikasa believes that Piek is silently thanking her.

Mikasa is now all alone, she feels that she is not ready to move on and soothingly puts her hand on Eren’s tombstone. A flock of seagulls flies overhead. She looks after them in the distance.

“What do you mean Eren? Should I follow his request or should I rather wait for someone else and take my time? ”As confirmation she sees a seagull separating itself from the group and slowly flying towards her. The bird carefully tugs at her scarf and wraps it around her neck.

When the animal rejoins its group, Mikasa looks after it.

"I guess I can wait a little longer and will have to give myself time," she says thoughtfully and leaves the stone. But instead of following the group, she takes a different route. She wants to go to her home, to her garden. There she can be to herself and no one will disturb her there. When she gets there, she throws herself into the tall grass. Finally she is for herself, finally she is alone ...

Weeping, she falls asleep in the grass, hoping for a cure and better times.

Two hours later…

She feels like someone carefully touches her shoulder, drowsy she thinks to see her former captain above her. A nice dream …

Not yet fully awake, she says: “ Captain ?! "

But she has to realize that it is Armin's ocean blue eyes. He looks at her in surprise, at best he would have expected that she would take him for Eren.

Mikasa is shocked to see what she was actually saying. Frustrated, she holds her hand in front of her face. That can't be true now, can it ???

“No, it's Armin!“ Someone else is here. It's Annie. Great ...! Mikasa looks over at Armin's newlywed wife, startled.

“Mikasa, we've been waiting for you all afternoon and we're worried about you,” Armin speaks gently to his childhood friend. Annie sits down next to them and takes Armin's hand.

Mikasa sees the young couple and their bond. If she had acted differently 3 years ago, she might have had the same.

She can still clearly hear his words “ Stay here with me! “ And a feeling of deepest sadness and remorse comes back to her.

Why couldn't he ask for her hand today instead of Jean? Why can't she let go of Eren? She feels tears start to flow and she can't stop them.

“Mikasa, what's wrong? “, Armin asks her empathetically and Annie also shows her compassion, although both women had a rather hypothermic feeling towards each other.

"I turned Jean down ..." she tells both of them.

"Doesn't surprise me ..." Annie says dryly.

"Annie! That doesn't really help her now… ”, and he carefully takes Mikasa's hand,“ is there something else? ”From Armin's look, Mikasa feels that he already knows enough about her.

"Armin, what should I do? I can't marry Jean ... I don't want him ... ", she looks to the side, depressed.

"Would you like someone else?", Mikasa senses that Armin is hinting at her former superior.

Damn Mikasa! What you want is not right! It doesn't work! She thinks.

She answers Armin with a nod and continues, "He said the words ' Stay with me ‘!"

Armin's eyes widen in surprise and knows who she's talking about, “when? Where? "

Annie can't hide the surprise on her face either.

Mikasa looks at the evening sky, which is red over the three. She clearly remembers the situation when she was alone with him on Falco’s back before she decided to put an end to Eren’s madness.

"He asked me to do so when I was alone with him on Falco’s back before I killed Eren….", The tears begin to suffocate her and she holds her hands in front of her face as if she can hide something from the others. As her tears slowly fade, she continues, “but it doesn't seem to matter anyway. I just disappeared with Eren 3 years ago without saying goodbye and he will have found someone better than me. Today has to be enough for me as an answer ... "

"That's not true!", Annie interferes in the conversation. Mikasa looks at her in surprise.

“Annie, is right! You know, he's still badly injured and his wounds just wouldn't heal. Mikasa, he didn't have the strength to come here. Otherwise he would have come back to you with us today ”, Armin tries to encourage her.

Mikasa pensively tugs at a blade of grass, “what should I do? I wanted to apologize to him today and now I can't tell him the words… ” Mikasa's cheeks turn red at the admission.

"Is it that so important to you? “, Armin looks at her understandingly. Mikasa nods silently in confirmation.

“Just write to him a letter !” He suggests.

"Write?", The idea could have come much earlier, "but what if he does reject me of disappointment or at best simply ignores me ?" Mikasa's thoughts roll over and thinks that he will reject her.

"Then at least you will know his answer to that. But I don't think he reacts that way ... “, Armin has a knowing smile on his lips. He also knows his former captain well and he knows that he is attached to his former subordinates, especially Mikasa ...

Mikasa's behavior today ultimately confirmed that Mikasa felt the same way.

His girlfriend is playing thoughtfully with the blade of grass. “I need help with that,” she mumbles. Her writing and grammar is not the best. She can barely read and write, and the writings outside the wall are even more difficult for her. She has learned it, but it is not easy for her.

“I'll help you with it, it's not difficult. In fact, the two scriptures are very similar. I think it will be better if we learn the new scriptures with you, it will also distract you from your own grief. What do you think? ”He asks her.

Mikasa's eyes start to shine, "would you do that?"

Armin holds her hand with both hands, "we'll start with it tomorrow if you want!"

Mikasa looks at the couple, "Annie, are you agree, if I would spending so much time with Armin?"

Mikasa feels that she should ask for her consent. There is no way she wants Annie to misunderstand anything. The young Marleyr smiles at her, “No, it's okay for me. I also need some time for myself and this is the opportunity for me. I don't have to feel guilty about not being there for Armin ... ”and her hand wanders to her stomach.

Mikasa recognizes the gesture and smiles at her, "I understand!"

Armin and Mikasa meet the next day to implement her plan and it is not at all easy for Mikasa to deal with the new font again. She tried years ago, but only half-heartedly. What she regrets now. Armin is patient with her and repeatedly gives her courage and praise.

"Oh Armin, that doesn't work that way! What should he think of me? Is that a 10-year-old trying to write to him? Although a kid would probably do better… ”, Mikasa is frustrated with her own attempt. Her writing is scary and full of errors ...

" Thats why I'm here. Take your time. You don't have any pressure behind you and you don't have to finish the letter today ”, his words of courage to speak.

“Do you think he would wait that long for me?” She asks Armin, uncertain.

"I can already imagine that with him," Armin looks thoughtful, "but you will only get an answer to that", and he points back to the letter that has begun. Mikasa understands the gesture and it tells her not to give up. Sighing, she goes on with her work.

On the second day, however, Mikasa has to suspend class with Armin. Jean is waiting for her answer and she has known from the start how to answer his request. Now she is losing the courage to ... But just agreeing to a marriage out of fear of his hurt feelings does not seem right to her. She also has to be pure with such a life decision and she definitely is not. She goes to the hotel where all Alliance members have quartered. It occurs to her that Jean’s mother lives in Trost and that he probably lives with her. She'd better choose the direction to Trost.

She meets Piek on the same way . She wants to go see Jean. It occurs to Mikasa to use Piek to convey the message.

That's not nice, thinks Mikasa. But it would also finally be a way for Jean to let go of her and Piek would be the perfect reason for that. Unlike herself, she is small and sweet as sugar with her wild, black, curly hair. Even back then, when everyone was sitting on Falco's back, Mikasa felt how both of them had established a bond with each other.

Piek's temper is a lot happier than her own. She could get Jean out of his grief ...

"Piek, wait!" She calls out to her. The little woman looks at Mikasa in surprise. Mikasa sees the concern reflected in Piek's face.

“I have to talk to you about Jean…”, Mikasa, embarrassed, takes a strand in front of her face, “you heard what Jean asked me to do. What do you think about the whole thing? "

Mikasa sees how the blush builds up on her cheeks in Piek's face. HIT!

Piek seems shy and embarrassed towards her. Mikasa has to take a deep breath. She is not proud of her request.

Mikasa pulls her scarf over her nose, "I want to ask you something ..."

Piek finds her voice back, "for what?"

“I would like to ask you to tell him that I cannot marry him. Unfortunately, I don't feel the way he would like and there is definitely someone who has such feelings for him and will be there for him …" , Mikasa looks at Piek expectantly.

Piek takes one of her hands, relieved, “ don't worry. I'll tell him about it. ” When Piek wants to go on her way, she gives Mikasa one last look. Mikasa has the impression that she wants to express "thank you".

It's time to let go and move on! , she thinks of Jean and ultimately also of herself and her own past with Eren. With this sad, but also liberating thought, she goes back to Armin the next day. He's already waiting for her with a cup of tea.

Armin looks at her relief to some extent, "Are you okay ?"

"Mhmm, I asked Piek to convey the message to Jean that I will not agree to his request," remembering this aromatic drink she has to think of someone else again. She tries to cover up her own blush with the cup.

" Understand. So you also noticed that Piek wasn't happy when Jean asked you? "Armin comments on the subject.

“Jean should be caught if he receives my refusal and Piek could be the right one for the job. Each of us has to move on and let go, ”says Mikasa calmly.

" And what about you? Will you move on? ”, Armin looks at her expectantly.

Mikasa looks to the side, embarrassed, and pulls her scarf up to her cheeks, which cannot completely hide her blush, "maybe ..." she says shyly.

In response, Armin smiles, "then we should continue with your letter."

It took a good two weeks until she had an acceptable letter in front of her. But unfortunately, apart from a few politeness phrases, it doesn't contain anything. Depressed about her work, she loses her courage for her project.

“Armin, I can't do that! I can't send something like that to him, there is nothing special in it ... Just superficial stuff ... “, Armin takes a look at the short letter. He sees how much effort she has put into her neat handwriting and reads the sentence "You are often on my mind…"

This sentence says a lot about her. Does she even realize how much she‘s going to say with it?

He carefully takes her hands, "Mikasa, please just have a little self-confidence. In truth, you two are not the most talkative, but rather the quiet listeners. The captain knows that too and, unlike him, you have the courage to take the first step. This says a lot about you and if his words were honest and sincere with you three years ago, he will appreciate it. No matter how much you've written. "

Mikasa's eyes brighten a little, "do you think so?"

" Believe me! At the end of the day, you have certainty for yourself and can close it if he turns you down. But I don't even think so… ”, he encourages her.

Tears of emotion come up in her, "Armin ..."

The next day she goes to the post office with Armin to send the letter. Reluctantly, she stands in front of the mailbox. If she throws it in now, there is no going back for her.

Armin notices that she is struggling with herself. He waits patiently. He knows she's afraid of the answer. She stands in front of the mailbox with a trembling hand and just can't let go of the letter.

"Armin ... Is it the right thing to do?"

"What would happen if you didn't send the letter?", Armin watches her patiently. She thinks, “nothing would change. I would probably ask myself if I would miss this opportunity and regret never daring to take this step. I don't want to end up with someone I don't know, just not have to be alone in the end ... "

There is a thoughtful silence between them.

"What would Eren think of that?", Mikasa looks at Armin doubtfully.

Both of them grieve at the thought of their best friend. It hurts that the third of her trio is missing. She looks at Armin sadly, “at least we still have each other. He has no one in London after the 13th and 14th Commander both died years ago. I'm just sorry for him how things happened. ”Her cheeks turned red at her admission.

"Is he that important to you?", He smiles at her empathetically.

Mikasa looks at him with sparkling eyes and nods in response to his question.

Armin lifts his arm and touches her hand with his hand, “then just let go. Believe me, everything will be fine. "

This is the last nudge she needed to send her letter on its way in the hope that everything will change for the better.

#levi x mikasa #rivamika #levimika

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kindredspiriit · 6 months

Text

epiphany excerpt / jean kirstein

From chapter seven of my Jean Kirstein fic, epiphany

Set during the first Marley visit, right before they all get wasted lol

I’m late. We were supposed to meet at seven and I’m late. This maze of a fucking house is the cause of it. If there weren’t so many hallways I would’ve never gotten lost.

Eventually, we met up with Kiyomi Azumabito. We were currently at her residence, and we were having a meeting to discuss some sort of game plan. You know, to try and get Marleyans to hate us a little less. But unfortunately I had lost track of time, and only left my room the moment I was supposed to be with everyone else. Through my panic, I completely forgot about the whole tour Kiyomi gave us, so I made about four wrong turns.

After quite literally having to follow the sound of Sasha and Connie’s loud ass voices, I made it to where I was supposed to be. As I stumbled down the stairs, I noticed Eren sitting at the bottom.

“Shit, how mad is Levi?” I asked, knowing I would never hear the end of this.

“I don’t know. But Jean is keeping Kiyomi occupied, so you don’t have to worry about her.” Eren replied coolly. Once I reached him he stood up, and reached out to grab my hair. I had done it up in two low pigtail braids when we got here. I’m not really sure why, but something about being in a different country made me want to try something new. Holding onto my left braid, he chuckled, and twirled the stray pieces that weren’t included in the style in his fingers.

“What?” I asked, completely ignoring him playing with my hair. Which he stopped about as soon as he started. I was confused as to what topic of interest Jean Kirstein and Kiyomi Azumabito would have in common. “What are they talking about?” “You.”

I laughed dryly, “Real funny, Eren. Now come on, let’s get this over with.” I began to walk over to the door we needed to cross, but Eren didn’t follow. “What?” I repeated, my tone whiny as if I were a child.

He let a small smile come over his face, and he shook his head. “You’re so oblivious, Lina.” With that, he walked towards the door and held it open for me. Now that the group knew I finally made it, I couldn’t ask any more questions. I had to push down the interrogation bubbling up in my stomach, threatening to spill out at any second. I gave him a weird look, and stepped into the room.

#attack on titan #aot #epiphanyjk #jean kirstein #wattpad author #jean kirstein fic #wattpad #eren jaeger #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein x oc #shingeki no kyojin #jean kirschstein #jean kirschtein x reader

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alfavictor · 9 months

Text

Absent Plans

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan

Warnings: None, Rated T because its SnK.

Relationships: minor Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Reiner Braun & Annie Leonhart

Summary:

“Don’t keep me in suspense, Armin. I’m sure you have a plan. You had one to corner me.”

Annie regretted what she had to do when she got to Paradis, but she did what had to be done. She had hoped that the scouts would never have to make the same choice. Annie’s thoughts before the attack on the Jaegerist Port.

They made an odd group, Annie mused. Two groups, an ocean, culture, and centuries apart, once comrades, then enemies, and now as of a day ago, reluctant allies. She had saved, spared, and tried to kill them all at one point or another. Still, she was glad to have the backup after seeing the port.

“We have no choice but to kill them all with our first strike. That’s the only way we can secure the flying boat” Annie laid out the situation. It was better in a way; it had been so long since she had been part of a straightforward military operation with clear enemy combatants. Away from the treachery, lies, and sneaking around that had dominated her experience on the island.

“To pull this off, everyone has to be in sync. Our titan power with your firepower. Understood?” A simple plan straight out of a Marleyan military textbook. Titans to create a foothold supported by infantry for a crushing first strike.

Expecting quick acknowledgement, Annie looked around curiously when silence greeted her. Not a single one of the scouts could meet her eyes. Connie of course, was the first one to speak up, voice quivering with a mix of frustration and desperation., “Just hold on a second.”

“What's the problem?” Annie replied tersely. Connie simply sighed and looked at his boots.

Mikasa stepped in. “They’re holding all the Azumabito hostage. We need to keep them out of the line of fire.”

Annie bit back a scoff. “You expect us to care about that? We won’t protect people who attacked our homeland just because they’re your distant cousins.”

“Slow down Annie. If the hostages are killed, the rest of the plan falls apart.” Pieck cautiously interjected. Annie blinked. She hadn’t thought about the mechanics needed to get the flying boat operational, so focused on getting back home and seeing her father. And when the conversation drifted to Onynakopon, and the group began discussing the necessity of the Azumabito, Annie let her mind wander. Pieck didn’t know the scouts, but she had spent three years training with them. And she knew that their hesitation about the plan didn’t stem from saving a few hostages.

Were they scared? But they’re a bunch of principled, fearless idiots. They chose to join the survey corps, fighting titans with swords for a chance of a better future for what they thought was the entirety of humanity. They’re giving up an ensured, total victory to work with people who have betrayed, lied, and killed their friends to do what they feel is right. What could get them so hesitant?

When Annie realized, she almost laughed at the absurdity. How naive could they be?

“I get it.” Annie spoke up, the group turning their attention on her. “But to confirm, you’re asking us to protect the Azumabito technicians from the Jaegerists long enough to get the boat plane ready to fly.” A couple of hesitant nods to that. Annie’s tone turned mocking. “And let me guess. You want us to hold the enemy off for this unknown amount of time? Without killing any of them?”

Jean, as always, ignored the cutting tone and took her question at face value. “Yeah, I don’t want to kill any of them. Hell, we trained with most of them, fought alongside them in the Survey Corps all these years.”

Did all the Paradisans turn stupid in the last four years? “Then I’m sure you’ve got a plan. Think you can fill me in? You must have a bright idea to keep all those Jaegerists away indefinitely without killing them?” Annie rhetorically asked, knowing this sentiment was nothing more than a desperate wish.

Annie turned to Armin, the mastermind of the Survey Corps. “Don’t keep me in suspense, Armin. I’m sure you have a plan.” Armin met her eyes, blue orbs once full of dreams now turned heavy. Bitterness turned her speech acrid and falsely soft as she crossed her arms. “You had one to corner me.” Armin looked away, his eyes filling with an emotion Annie couldn’t quite identify.

Annie knew her anger wasn’t exactly fair. Her betrayal had come first and had been the most cutting. She had barely been convinced by Armin’s laughable excuses all those years ago in Stohess. But she had chosen to spare Armin, had chosen to spare the boy with kind eyes and dreams of seeing the ocean, and she had paid the price.

“Hold on. We know this is a long shot, but we’re doing this to save lives!” Connie had always been the loudest, the most outspoken, the one with the least filter between his heart and his mouth outside of Eren. “You’re telling me we’ll have to gun down a bunch of our friends to save the world? That’s so messed up!” Connie’s face had become stricken at the end of his outburst, glazed in a mix of horror, fear, and anguish.

Annie's throat tightened uncomfortably, and a deep sense of dread settled heavily in her chest. She had seen that expression before. She’d seen it on Reiner and Bertolt’s face on the rooftops of Trost. Maybe it had been etched on her face as well.

Annie closed her eyes, willing herself into control. Instead unbidden memories that she had seen countless times welled up.

A freckled face that had only shown kindness to her, now filled with fear and confusion. Pleading, begging, and crying.

“What are you doing!? Annie, I thought we were friends?”

“Please, please! I don’t want to die here. Please don’t kill me!”

“...we haven’t even talked about this!”

Inhuman, desperate screams as the titan tore him apart. Broken remnants of his body strewn across the cobblestone in the ash covered city.

“I’m sorry.” Annie breathed out. I’m sorry Marco. I’m sorry I killed you. I’m sorry Armin. I’m sorry for being a traitor, a liar, a monster. I’m sorry for not being the person you all thought I was. Now, she couldn’t bear to meet the eyes of any of the scouts. “This will be a pretty ugly operation. We can’t expect you to take part in this.” Annie’s words were no carefully longer considered, she simply said what felt right, whatever made her chest feel slightly lighter. “We don’t even have the right to ask you to make that choice.”

They were good people, and she was not. “You’re not like us. If it had been you in our place, you probably would have chosen differently than we did that day. You wouldn’t have breached the wall,” and killed Armin’s only family, a traitorous little voice reminded, the one that held onto every single one of Armin’s words for four years.

If a Marleyan instructor had heard her, they would have cut her from the Warrior program for sabotaging a good operational plan to save the conscience of the Paradisan Devils. If her father had heard her, he would have beat her until she knew to never show mercy or kindness again.

To her surprise, Reiner's voice broke the silence from beside her, and he stepped forward. “None of you need to join this battle. Stick with Gabi and Falco, stay at a safe distance and observe. You’ll have to defend yourself if the Jaegerists spot you, so be prepared to fight. But for now, just stay out of it.” Annie glanced at Reiner, whose face was set with the guilt of past actions but also a protective resolve.

Maybe Annie shouldn’t have been surprised. Out of all of them, Reiner and Annie were maybe the only ones who could understand, the only ones who were both at a time Marleyan Warriors and Paradisan Soldiers, both Titans and Titan fighters, no matter how ill-suited they may be at the role. How laughable that they were now the glue that might hold the group together. It should have been Bertolt. Sweet, shy, attentive Bertolt, who always listened to each side. Who was friendly without a hint of malice. Not Reiner, who couldn’t seem to decide between wanting to see all the Paradisans live long, happy and fulfilling lives or seeing them all dead for the glory of Marley. Not Annie, who would do anything to accomplish her mission and return to that house in the woods to the man who had only acted like her father once.

This plan was objectively terrible. The part of Annie that had been bred into a specialized weapon for Marley—the one that saw all life, including her own, as disposable—protested. But it felt right, and Annie couldn't find it in herself to speak up against it.

Of course, the scouts knew it too. “...And let you guys kill each other while we sit back and watch?” Connie questioned. Just be selfish for once in your short lives idiots.

“Would that work? Could Titans even win this even without infantry backing them up?” Jean followed. Take the way out. Don’t force yourselves to make this choice. None of you deserve that Annie pleaded.

As General Magath and the commander of the survey corps—Hange, if memory served—approached to persuade the scouts, Annie felt the return of dread, its weight settling once again. And when Armin spoke for the group and agreed to fight, her stomach plummeted. They would all be damned now, just like her, Reiner, and Bertolt. She looked once more into Armin’s eyes; she always seemed to return to them. Perhaps a habit built out of years of using his voice as an anchor in a lonely, dark prison. They were filled with desperation, yes, but now a tinge of resignation, an acceptance of what type of person he was about to become.

It was cruel, Annie decided, that kind, good people would be forced to do the same things people like her had done. Her father’s mantra echoed through her mind, a persistent reminder that “What must be done, must be done, no matter what. Complete your mission.” Yet now, instead of offering its usual comfort and resolve, the mantra only fueled her exhaustion; the weight of its truth felt heavier than ever.

A/N:

Finally got the motivation and passion to write a fanfic after a decade of reading and hundreds of AruAni fics. I feel like this scene found in S4P2E10 is really overlooked from a character development standpoint. If you didn’t watch the OVA, this is really the first time that Annie shows some level of regret over her actions, and Reiner turns his regret into actual actions to try to benefit the scouts. Yes, I took dialogue from the sub, dub, and manga translations. At some points, I felt that the dub had better translations than the sub (the figures of speech feel a lot more accurate and less awkward), but I wanted to keep the iconic “corner me” line that the sub has, leading to this mish mash. Also loved the potential for some AruAni development, because while I think Annie would understand why Armin tried to trap her, there would be some feelings associated with Stohess that would need to be worked through. I found literally 0 fics about this scene, so I decided to write one myself. It was honestly really helpful already having a framework of dialogue to work off of, really just allowed me to think about the characters.

Honestly, after looking at the OVA, I kind of wished SnK had a better way of integrating character centric episodes into the main storyline. I feel like a lot of fans missed the OVA even though they provide critical characterization for Levi, Annie, and Mikasa. Annie’s OVA especially made me rethink her character, she really goes from psychopathic killing machine to someone who deeply regrets her actions in the span of the first 30 seconds. Once again, this is where the sub and dub diverge in characterization. The dub version of Wall Sina: Goodbye has a more regretful tone (Annie immediately questions how many more people she would have to kill) while the sub is more of a statement, that Annie knows that she’ll have to kill plenty of people to finish her mission. Also, the dub version of Marco’s death lines are quite a bit more impactful in my opinion.

I wanted to really focus on being able to characterize everyone realistically. I’m going to be real, it’s been a while since I’ve watched the entirety of SnK, so characterizations of Connie and Jean are a bit rough around the edges. The main thing about Annie that I wanted to show is that she’s got conflict that’s buried deep under the facade of getting the mission done. I feel pretty confident about her regretting killing Marco (just look at her face during that scene, plus she has nightmares about it). I’m less sure about any of her other regrets. I also wanted to show that she admires people with principles, that underneath her cold exterior there’s a person who wants to be kind and do right. Really this was inspired by an AruAni oneshot I read, I think the author described it similarly. I think this is shown in canon by her admiration of Eren (suicidal blockhead and all that), her interactions with Marlowe in season 1, and of course the classic “good person” discussion with Armin in Stohess in S1 and the Boat in S4P3. And given that's the foundation, why not extend a bit of the admiration to the rest of the scouting corps? I hope that the self-criticism I wrote wasn’t too much.

I had intended this to be more AruAni centric, but I realized that the conversation really didn’t line up with that goal, and I didn’t want to force a romantic moment where it didn’t fit. So now we have something that can be read as platonic or romantic (I see it as romantic lol).

I’m thinking of following this up with an Armin PoV chapter of him apologizing to Annie about trapping her, maybe a couple days after the Rumbling. This would more heavily lean into the pairing since it’ll just be the two of them. I’m a bit hesitant to tackle this given it’ll require some truly creative output, and I have no idea whether I can write reconciliation well, but I want them to be happy and this currently ends on quite a bitter tone.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I’d love any and all feedback you have.

#aruani #aruani fic #aruani fanfiction #armin x annie #armin arlert #annie leonhart

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dcsertrose · 7 months

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Here's a rough outline I have planned out for an eremika x jjk crossover

Mikasa's storyline is similar to Yuta's. Basically she's this german/japanese prodigy special grade sorcerer who comes from a powerful clan ( The Azumabitos who were massacred by Toji ) and she's the only survivor being raised by her paternal aunt Kuchel in Berlin.

Eren gets into an accident when they're playing as kids and she accidentally curses him without realizing. His soul is tethered to the scarf he gave her as a birthday gift.

Timeskip to her teen years, Gojo reaches out to her on a business trip ( the higher ups have been keeping tabs on her ) and with his help she exorcises Eren so he can find peace 🥺

She then moves to Tokyo and enrolls in the school, meeting Yuji and co, later getting romantically involved with Megumi. Broody men are her type.

I had this idea that the reason she's so powerful is bc she's a descendent ( and funnily enough a doppelganger) of one of Sukuna's brides who was a powerful priestess — cue the angst with her and Megumi later down the line once he gets possessed by Sukuna himself.

#eremika #eren x mikasa #aot x jjk crossover #mikasa ackerman #angsty tragic eremika is a requirement #eren's attack titan is her shikigami #she's a badass sword wielder #fic brainrot

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fromriches-tosin · 8 months

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an interesting thought I had, what do you think would have happened if Reiner and Jean had met by coincidence when the Scouts when outside the island for the first time?

I have a WIP based on that premise! I think I mentioned it before, but the idea is as follows:

The Scouts stay in Marley until they manage to capture Eren and stop him from attacking Liberio. The Marleyan army is aware that something is amiss, so Levi and the rest try to keep it as low-key as possible when they attempt to smuggle Eren out of the country (which wouldn't be easy even if Jeager weren't pissed at them for thwarting his plans).

Jean is tasked with keeping tabs on the Warriors; gathering intel when they are on the frontline and monitoring their every move once they come back from the war. Jean is good at blending in with the crowd and pretending to be a tourist, so he can walk around in broad daylight without attracting unwanted attention – at least until Reiner comes back from Port Slava.

There's an event to celebrate the victory which the Warriors attend – and which turns out to be a masquerade ball. Jean uses this opportunity and attends the party as well, hoping he'll learn something more about the shifters and the army's future plans. That's when the troubles begin.

Even though Reiner doesn't recognize Jean, he does notice him. Aaand immediately tries to hit on him. Now, Jean had discovered the truth about Reiner's sexuality when he was spying on the Warriors, but he didn't expect Reiner to make a move on him (tall, lanky Jean in a lace fox mask, come on). That evening, Jean ends up running away like Cinderella when the clock is about to strike midnight. Maybe he even loses a shoe in the process.

Anyway, the day the Scouts are supposed to leave Marley is drawing near, and the Azumabitos prepare a ship for them. Unfortunately, the Marleyan army is still on alert. Reiner is sent to inspect the docks and gets wind of what is really happening. When he gets too close to where Eren is being held, Jean reveals himself and stays behind to give the others the time to escape.

Jean tries to convince Reiner that he is the only Scout in Marley – a spy sent to keep an eye on the enemy state. Reiner, naturally, doesn't believe a word he says and wants to raise the alarm, so Jean tries to keep him occupied until the Scouts get away. Reiner is pissed, oh-so pissed. There he was, thinking that this tall, mysterious guy he caught staring at him in the crowd a few times was interested in his dick, not his criminal record...

Reiner punishes Jean for his attempt at flirting with him (to cover the Scouts' tracks) by taking him on a very awkward coffee date where he embarrasses the hell out of him by acting like they are a couple (and threatening him with violent death), and then... Okay, no more spoilers. :))

#thanks for the ask ✨#reijean #reiner x jean #veecanons

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claudemblems · 2 years

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I Dedicate My Heart...To You | Levihan

I promised @/glassesandswords a few months back that I would write a Levihan piece during their Marley Vacay and I finally finished it 😭 If you're seeing this, I'm sorry it took so long!! I ended up cutting out the first half and just focusing on the last scene since it can stand on its own. I might eventually go back and write about their other adventures in the city of Marley! For now, please enjoy some Levihan confessions by the sea <3

“Ah, Lady Kiyomi sure does have a lovely estate, doesn’t she?”

Hange and Levi strolled beside the Marleyan shores bordering the Azumabito estate, the evening sun casting a deep orange glow as it sank below the horizon.

“It’s not half bad,” Levi admitted. He closed his eyes, letting the wind ruffle his raven hair. “It’s a good place to get some peace and quiet away from all the noisy brats.”

“By ‘noisy brats,’ do you mean the kids?” Hange asked, smiling.

“Well, no one else is making a ruckus in the streets about ice cream.”

“Well, it is their first time seeing what all the outside world has to offer.”

“I wouldn’t mind them getting excited if they weren’t causing a scene," Levi said, not bothering to hold back his sigh of disapproval.

“Says the person who made us run from the authorities after saving a random kid.”

“Shut up.”

Hange’s laughter echoed like church bells through the air, the sound almost as natural and serene as the soft crashing of waves on the shore.

Levi knew he’d been grumpier than usual during their excursion, but someone had to be the responsible adult. In truth, he really didn’t mind standing back and watching Hange and the kids run about carefree, laughing and smiling wherever their curiosity led them. If anyone deserved to relax, it was them. They’d been through hell and back since the walls first fell. Sure, they’d had their moments of joy, but even in those moments they were always bracing for the worst. A moment’s peace could and often was rudely interrupted by their harsh reality. Danger surrounded them, anywhere, everywhere, and constantly. But this time, with the threat of titans far behind them, Levi watched his fellow scouts finally drop their guards, eyes looking upon the world with hope. He wished that someday soon they could live the remainder of their lives like this: unafraid, fulfilled, and happy. Those brats deserved it.

Especially Hange.

Levi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, his heart skipping a beat in his chest.

The ocean breeze gently lifted the edges of Hange’s hair, the flyaway strands framing her face as if she were a piece of art. Everything about her was so carefully crafted, from the upturned corner of her lips, her long, silky brown hair, and her chocolate eyes that shone like sunlight. It was a sight so perfect, so captivating. Levi wished that he could capture this moment in time and save it forever. Is this why people like to use those cameras? He’d once thought Marleyans had some odd tastes and even odder interests, but maybe he was finally beginning to understand them.

“Levi?”

Levi nearly jumped as Hange’s voice quickly pulled him out of his thoughts. “What is it?”

He could sense the smile that she wanted to give him, but for some reason, she held it back. Was she stopping herself from teasing him, or was it something else?

“You were staring at me,” she said.

Though Levi didn’t react outwardly, inwardly his heart began to pound against his ribcage. Heat spread to his cheeks, and he had to keep himself from clicking his tongue at her. She might actually tease him if she realized he had gotten so flustered.

“You’re imagining things,” he answered coolly, fixing his eyes on the sea. But even with his back turned, he still felt her gaze on his. It drove him crazy, how she could affect him like this. Hange was single handedly unraveling the man who never brought his emotions out into the open. She was dismantling the cool, uncaring persona he’d worn for so long. She was drawing herself closer and closer to him, and he was letting her, even though he’d grown so afraid of getting attached and one day having to let go.

“Oh, I am?” Hange mused, tapping a finger on her chin. “Sorry. Maybe I was the one staring.”

Thump. Levi’s heart was doing that dastardly thing again. Beating. Faster. Harder. All without his permission.

“W-What did you say?”

He was expecting some sort of quip to fall from her lips, for Hange to break out into an unrestrained fit of laughter. But she didn’t.

She blushed.

Levi stared at her, mouth agape. Am I understanding this right? There’s no way Hange would say something like that to me. Dang it. I know everything she says is unexpected, but how am I supposed to respond to…this?!

“Ah…sorry for saying something like that so out of the blue. I really don’t have a filter today. Perhaps it’s because this little vacation has proved to be so exciting? Anyways, it’s starting to get dark out. Let’s head in—”

Levi gripped Hange’s wrist, holding it tight but keeping it loose enough for her to walk away, if she really wanted to.

“Levi?”

“You can’t just say something that serious and then walk off.”

“Well…what else am I supposed to do? It’s nothing, right? Just a slip of the tongue. I’m tired anyways. Maybe it’s just—”

“You never say things you don’t mean, Hange.”

The blush on her cheeks deepened, and Hange bowed her head, desperately trying to hide the sight from Levi. “I’m not that good at being sincere.”

“I’m not either, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.”

Hange’s wide eyes snapped up to meet his, and her heart fluttered upon seeing Levi’s flustered countenance. With his free hand, he covered his face with his palm, sighing deeply into it. “After all these years of being friends, the one time you do me in is when we’re on a vacation in another land at someone else’s house before everything possibly goes to hell.” Levi let out a soft chuckle, running a hand through his now messy strands of hair. “Tell me, Hange. Was that really a joke, or is it something that came from your heart?”

Hange considered her words for a moment, battling between coming clean and brushing the whole thing aside. But seeing Levi’s desperation, his pleading to know if there was truth to be found in her words…could she really deny him of the truth of her feelings, now?

“With everything I do, I dedicate my heart,” she declared, briefly glancing back up at Levi’s eyes. “I’ve dedicated my heart for humanity, for my fallen comrades, but to a single person…I think I already have.”

Levi’s heart pounded against his chest, threatening to leap out. “You’ve dedicated your heart…to me?”

Hange pursed her lips as she fought back her sudden shyness. “Well…we’ve been by each other’s side for so long, and we’re the last ones left. I can’t say I haven’t thought about the future, either. Our future. And how it might be nice…to continue to experience life at your side.”

For the first time in Levi’s life, he found himself at a loss for words. This is how Hange felt about him? Since when? For how long? But more importantly, why?

“I don’t think I’m the kind of person you’d want to live out the rest of your life with. I’m unpleasant, I can’t stand a dirty house, and after all these years of fighting, I’m not sure that I can easily settle into a life free of obligations. Do you really want to be woken up at five in the morning because I’m making the bed with you in it?”

Hange flung her head back, bursting into laughter. Levi could only observe her reaction, trying to will the bashfulness to leave him. But now he’d just insinuated not only living in the same house as Hange, but sleeping in the same bed! What was he doing? He’d never been good at expressing his feelings. Perhaps he should have kept them to himself—

“Well, if you clean the house, then I’ll cook the food! The kids have always complimented my culinary prowess~”

The two turned their gazes to one another, their once wild blushes now just faint shades of red. The uneasiness in the air had given way to a sense of relief, and the anxiety gripping them had turned into confidence. As they looked for answers in each other’s eyes, the sun dipped lower and lower below the horizon, stars just beginning to peek through the deep orange sky.

“Well, how about it, Captain? If we make it out of this war alive and neither of us are still with anyone, how about we get married? We’ve dedicated our hearts to humanity. Now it’s time to dedicate them to someone new.”

“Idiot,” Levi whispered, gently taking Hange’s hand in his as he began to pull her back to the Azumabito estate. Despite his rough words, if you looked closely enough, you could spot the tiniest of smiles forming on Levi’s face. With the soft whistling of the wind and the lapping of waves on the shore, they walked on slowly together, relishing in the feeling of their fingers intertwined. “My heart’s already yours. You don’t even have to ask.”

#claudemblems writes #look I'm obsessed with the dedicated hearts thing okay #I want them to dedicate their hearts to each other #aot #levihan #levihan fic

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pandasan-power · 1 year

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Post-canon SnK headcanons. Contains spoilers for the end of the manga, please read at your own risk!

(DISCLAIMER: Please do not take these seriously lol)

Mikasa's partner/husband is Jean. She spends a few years mourning Eren and Jean is always there supporting her. They end up getting together at some point and having kids.

Jeankasa's first-born kid, regardless of gender, is named Eren.

Everyone else (mostly) has a kid named Eren too.

Mikasa tries to distance herself from politics but always ends up getting roped into disputes. She'd rather just be a housewife.

Jean is the next leader of the Survey Corps but after a coup he gets kicked out.

Falbi are the first couple to have a kid and it's unexpected. Falco doesn't really handle it well.

Falco has a job related to peace talks and Gabi uhhhh... Gabi probably sticks to military stuff.

Levi marries a woman he meets in Marley who's a friend of Onyankopon's. Initially he's very against the idea of having kids, but his wife points out that it would be a huge fuck you to Zeke, and that (eventually) convinces him to be a dad. Everyone is shocked when they find out.

Connie has a thing with Nicolo. They hook up after Connie starts working at Nicolo's restaurant.

Annie and Armin get together, rush into marriage, have an unexpected kid and things proceed to go tits up. Armin is very mentally unstable for most of the rest of his life.

Annie works as a martial arts instructor and passes on the teachings of her dad. Armin becomes a marine biologist after he steps down as the Survey Corps commander and passes the job on to Jean.

Reiner remains single because he doesn't think he's worthy of someone else's affection. (And his crush is taken.) He's a nurse? Idk I like nurse Reiner.

Pieck never marries. She spends her days working as an archivist for Marley.

Yelena survived and was arrested and sent to jail for war crimes. While in jail, she discovers she's pregnant, escapes and runs off to a far-away country. Her kid is either Eren's or Zeke's (I haven't decided which lol) and she keeps them hidden.

The kid walking up to Eren's tree at the very end of the manga is Mikasa's descendant and they're looking for Eren so they can awaken the powers of the Founding Titan and revive him.

Falco and Gabi eventually reclaim the Survey Corps from the Yeagerists and end up being in control of most of Paradis's military.

Onyankopon is a hairstylist? Also I see him getting married but maybe not having kids.

Historia's husband is killed during another uprising attempt but Historia and her daughter are unharmed.

A few decades after his death, Eren becomes a meme.

Eventually the idea of titans becomes a conspiracy theory and many people don't think they ever actually existed (or at least not in the way they did in canon).

Paradis eventually becomes completely uninhabitable -- as in the entire island, not just the hill. However, a handful of people escape to the underground and reside there. The underground is accessible through Eren's tree, and many inhabitants are related to the main/secondary characters.

Mikasa's descendant discovers the underground civilisation and gets to know the people living there.

Eren is chilling in paths in place of Ymir Fritz and gets a surprise when someone who looks kinda sorta like Mikasa shows up (don't ask me how they're able to use paths, maybe it's the direct contact with the Founder).

Maybe eventually, once it's destroyed, Paradis is treated as though it never existed and is erased from the history books. Similarly to Paradis residents being brainwashed into thinking the rest of the world is gone.

Mikasa passes on the Azumabito mark to her kids and they pass it on to theirs.

Mikasa's descendant never visited Paradis because it was destroyed before they were born, but they would always read their (great?) grandmother's diaries and letters and wished to go one day.

The dog seen with the kid is named Sasha. All dogs owned by Jeankasa's family are named Sasha. This one is Sasha V.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK spoilers #AoT spoilers #Shingeki no Kyojin spoilers #Attack on Titan spoilers #SnK headcanons #Sorry for all the babies ever after stuff but I think it works in this setting #Especially given the whole neverending cycle thing #Also I know [redacted]'s husband's identity ultimately does not matter but I'm giving him an identity until proven otherwise god dammit

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melishade · 11 months

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Is it possible we could get more of the ratchet timeline because let's say he studied the human biology after raph's encounter with dark energon, would he be willing to share his medical expertise with the humans ?

TFP Ratchet: Azumabito Clan

*dusting off TFP Ratchet Timeline* You're an old one.

But Ratchet would decide to bring up the dark energon as a way to counteract it in the even that Megatron decides to screw everyone over and go crazy again. Also there's a possibility of dark energon being in the Colossal Titan so that's something Ratchet would want to watch out for.

Ratchet would probably bring in the incomplete syn-then formula too. Sure, it causes side effects of aggression to the average Cybertronian, but to have it as an energy source to power the 3D gear is brilliant. Hanji would experiment with it for days. They really need to keep tabs on her!

#attack on prime #transformers prime #tfp #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #aot #send me asks #asks #ao3 #ratchet #tfp ratchet #tfp megatron #megatron #hanji zoe #hange zoe #tfp ratchet in aop #maccadam #macadam

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ly0nstea · 10 months

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Where I think the characters would realistically be 10~ years after the Rumbling (because i need to iron out ideas for my fic)

(note in this situation, the negotiations with paradis fell through and the alliance are essentially running an insurgence group to fight the Jaegerist regime funded by the Hizuran government (ran by the azumabito))

Mikasa and Jean break up a few years into their relationship, after that they only speak when its relating to fighting Paradis and avoid each other beyond that.

Connie develops a severe savior complex, pushing his body past its limits to save everyone he can, he also stopped using lead bullets and had armin develop a less lethal substitute.

After his and Mikasas break up Jean became rather isolated, connie had isolated himself so he could train at all hours of the day, and there was always a level of discomfort between jean, armin, and mikasa that jean was a replacement to eren that he couldnt handle, now all he really does is fight, though he doesnt feel the same passion for it like Gabi or Connie do

Armin is the de facto leader of the alliance, he's also the brains, the head engineer, and person everyone defers to when unsure

Annie spent the first month or two after the war being bedridden because her body had become completely reliant on her titan healing to keep her alive in the crystal, after that she never found her fight and spends most days wandering aimlessly or laying in bed

Annie and Armin are together only really in name, armin doesnt have the time to spend with her because he's always working

Reiner is the emotional pillar of the group, and for a while it was the only thing stopping him from putting another gun in his mouth, he's taken countless bullets to stop pieck, annie, gabi, and falco from getting hurt

Gabi developed increasingly like eren, not being vengful, but just as much living for the fight and idealising martyrdom after colts sacrifice, she wants to die a hero

Levi becomes a grumpy old man fast

Pieck is the 'mother' of the group because she's the only one that doesn't forget to eat because shes too busy to think

Falco doesn't do much, he just generally helps people out, he's the closest thing levi has to a primary caretaker and he helps pieck keeping the place clean. He doesn't fight anymore.

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corner-stories · 5 months

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handwriting

Jean Kirschtein. Mikasa Ackerman. Chemistry Notes. Lacrosse Games. Shiba Inus. High School AU. 2870 words. (ao3.) | part 1

The pressed forget-me-not rides in Mikasa’s textbook, the one with flowers doodled into the margins. It stays there as she attends her final class of the day, then heads off to soccer practice.

She forgets about the note and the flower as she runs down the field, chasing the ball as she scrimmages with her teammates. She practices assists with Historia and shooting drills with Mina at the net until the sun disappears on the horizon.

When Mikasa heads home, she enters the house on the west side of town. She calmly greets her Aunt Kiyomi in the living area, as well as the Azumabito household’s resident Shiba Inu. The dog screams in delight upon seeing its favorite human. Mikasa turns down her Auntie’s offer to watch a movie together and retires to her room for the night.

After changing out of her clothes and into something more comfortable, she flops down onto her bed and wonders how difficult sleep will be tonight. As she rests, the dog pushes its way through her ajar door and hops onto her bed, immediately making itself comfortable amongst the cushions. Mikasa doesn’t protest and lets Panko Ackerman-Azumabito rest his head against her thigh.

But before Mikasa drifts off to sleep, she remembers the flower she slipped into her textbook.

Hopping off the bed, Mikasa goes to the backpack on the floor and digs inside. Panko can only sit up and watch in confusion.

When Mikasa procures her textbook, she goes to her desk and finds the flower and note.

It hasn’t changed since the moment she saw it fall out of her locker. It feels so small as she holds it in her fingers, as if the stems or the leaves could wither and rot if she does something wrong.

That same feeling of curiosity fires up in her head, the one she experienced when initially finding the flower.

She can’t even fathom who could have sent the note. She barely talks to people in school, reserving most of her words for answering questions or communicating with her soccer teammates.

She’s not even sure which class she shares with the person. She doodles in her textbook during all of them.

Mikasa holds the note in the light and looks it over again, trying to find some trace of identity aside from the phrase “I heard you liked flowers” scribbled onto the lines. But alas, she can’t find it.

She reads the message over and over again, committing it to memory, everything from the hue of the pen to the intricacies of the handwriting.

Questions dance fervently in her head.

Who sent this? Why did they send it? Why didn’t they sign the note? And why a forget-me-not?

Then after a moment, Mikasa lets out a sigh. She slips the note and flower into her journal and tucks it away into her desk drawer.

When she goes to sleep that night, her dreams feel blank and grey.

…

Jean tries not to get hung up on his gesture. To be frank, he had not put any thought into what the aftermath of his gift would be.

What is he to do now? Keep watching Mikasa during study hall? Pray that she somehow figures it out? Or go under a rock and die?

With the feeling of despair currently making his chest feel like an empty hole, Jean highly considers option three.

The seconds after seeing Mikasa holding his pressed forget-me-not turns into minutes, then hours, then a whole day passes and he still can’t shake the sight from his head. He swore he saw her smiling, even if it was just for a little bit.

At least when Jean wakes up the next morning, the initial shock is gone. He doesn’t feel as torn and sick as he did the day before, but still he barely touches his breakfast while going through his daily existential crisis.

After heading to school, Jean is thankful to have a reason to distract himself. He’s never been a slacker, but today he makes his chemistry notes extra thorough as an excuse to not think about that one certain thing. He doesn’t even joke around when Sasha falls asleep beside him.

The hours and classes drag on, then soon Jean heads to the fateful study hall that started it all.

As he navigates the hallway, the nervous knot in his stomach returns. With a sigh, Jean pulls his green hoodie over his head and places his headphones over his ears. He blasts the first song he can find to drown out the noise.

When he enters the room Mikasa’s in her usual spot, except instead of drawing in her textbook or going over her homework, her glassy eyes are scanning the classroom.

The knot in Jean’s stomach gets worse, much worse. He tries not to look like a deer-in-the-headlights as he scrambles to his seat.

Throughout class he doesn’t even spare a glance at her, fearing that doing so would lead to dire consequences. He’s probably put her on edge now, as she’ll be extra vigilant in order to find out the identity of her secret admirer.

So to not rouse suspicion that the big dumb lacrosse player took the time to press a flower for a girl he liked, Jean goes over his chemistry notes like he’s trying to find the cure for cancer.

…

The days go on and the lingering thought of the flower in her locker begins to fade. Mikasa keeps herself occupied with other things — soccer practice, SAT prep, or the university brochures that her Aunt kindly placed on her desk.

Kiyomi is always observant, but either she hasn’t noticed her niece being preoccupied by something else or is too kind to bring it up.

Around this time of year, in the midst of spring, Mikasa gets particularly glum. When she feels the remaining chill of winter melting away, it’s hard for her to feel entirely happy. The anniversary of her parent’s death — which happened barely a month after her ninth birthday — has been igniting her lingering grief for nearly a decade.

At least Mikasa wakes up one morning to find an intricately prepared bento box in the fridge. The note on it reminds her to bring it to school. Kiyomi has always done this, leaving ample amounts of food in her niece’s vicinity to counteract Mikasa’s habit of not eating when she’s sad. It’s always nice to know that Kiyomi cares in her own way.

One day Mikasa is standing near the net during soccer practice. Beside her Sasha — the team’s left winger — and her current partner for working on assists.

As they work together to slowly kick a line of balls into the net, Sasha chats to Mikasa about whatever’s on her mind. Their interactions are usually like this, Sasha being a motor mouth while Mikasa nods along with her usual stoic, emotionless expression. Whether they be at practice or eating lunch together, it’s always the same. At least Mikasa can find comfort in the routine and familiarity.

Today Sasha is telling her friend about the depths of boredom that can only be experienced in the throes of AP Chemistry. When the brunette brings up her habit of snoozing in class, Mikasa begins to wonder if anyone in her generation is capable of getting any sleep.

Then suddenly, Sasha passes a ball with a little too much force and Mikasa ends up kicking it high into the air, something she was very much not intending to do. As it goes flying she can already tell that it’s going off the intended trajectory.

Unsurprisingly, the team’s star striker causes the ball to soar with breathtaking speed. Mikasa and Sasha watch as it heads towards the running track surrounding the sports field.

The ball gets dangerously close to hitting some poor unsuspecting person trying to get a few laps in. It lands just in front of a guy in a green hoodie, causing him to curse and stumble back.

While Mikasa feels horrible for the deed, Sasha lets out a laugh and clutches her stomach as she guffaws.

“Whoa! Looks like it’s raining balls, Jean Boy!” Sasha exclaims in utter glee.

After sharply elbowing her friend to quiet down, Mikasa gets a better look at the person on the track. It’s the guy in her study hall who brings his lacrosse stick to class at least three days a week.

“Sorry about that!” Mikasa calls out to him.

When their gazes meet, Mikasa immediately notices a sense of nervousness taking over Jean’s disposition. At first he seems annoyed with Sasha, which is unsurprising for most people who know her, but the second Jean looks at Mikasa his face softens and he begins to look sick.

“Uh… it’s fine…” he stammers out. Awkwardly, he grabs the ball that almost struck him head on and kicks it back to the field.

She’s noticed him acting like this in class once or twice before, sometimes being surprisingly quiet and reserved out of the blue. He usually chats with his seat mates during the hour — to what extent Mikasa doesn’t know, but it’s a lot more than her. Seeing him huddle to himself does feel a tad bit peculiar, but perhaps she’s reading too far into things.

When the ball returns to the field, Mikasa runs to grab it off the ground, then says — “Thank you.”

Jean manages a smile despite his unease and gives a friendly wave.

“You’re welcome!”

…

A week and a whole lacrosse game later, Jean returns home with his mother and does not hesitate to let himself rest. After tossing his dirty uniform in the laundry hamper, he takes a quick shower to rid himself of the dirt and grass on his skin. At least tanking that body check was worth it, since protecting Connie Springer ensured the team’s winning goal.

Once he’s clean, Jean heads back to his room and lies on his bed. He’s exhausted from the game, but before nodding off he manages to read a handful of texts sent to him while he was busy. His teammate Thomas is congratulating him for providing the game-winning assist, Connie applauding him for surviving a body check from the absolute unit of a defender on the opposing team, and the final is a message from Sasha regarding something completely unrelated to the whole-ass lacrosse game she just watched him in.

‘Oh Sasha, never change for anyone,’ is the last thought on Jean’s mind before he truly falls asleep.

As per usual, Jean heads to school the next morning. Except instead of heading straight to art class to dick around until the bell, he’s making a stop at his locker to pick up the fabled chemistry notes that Sasha so kindly begged for.

Despite his somewhat messy penmanship and the single staple haphazardly holding the papers together, at least the notes are thorough.

As Jean traverses the crowded hallways, he wonders when Sasha will actually start staying awake during class instead of mooching off him to pass. One should expect more from a senior on the verge of graduation, but one should also expect that the inner mechanisms of Sasha’s mind must remain an enigma.

As Jean walks, another text tells him to head to the soccer field to make the transfer. Due to the abundance of emojis following the message, he does what he’s told.

After he exits the schools’ north building, the warmth of the sun grazes his skin. As he traverses the student parking lot, he’s suddenly thankful for a reason to be outdoors.

When Jean arrives at the field he walks on the path between the bleachers and the running track. After scanning the area for Sasha, he looks forward and suddenly realizes that he’s in proximity of the last — or perhaps the first — person he wants to see.

…

As a handful of her teammates scrimmage on the field, Mikasa remains at the side to warm up. With a few dynamic stretches she can feel the blood flowing in her veins and her muscles beginning to activate. Morning practices are not her favorite, but it’s a good distraction from her usual post-winter blues.

Once she finishes her final stretch and gets onto her feet, she glances up to see a person she doesn’t often see at this time of day.

Jean’s hair is scruffy as he walks near the bottom of the bleachers. His disposition is uneasy, just as it has been before, but he manages to approach her with a boyish smile on his face — the kind that is subdued, shy, but ultimately genuine.

“Hey, Mikasa.”

She tilts her head to the side and furrows her eyebrows at him. “How do you know my name?”

“We’ve gone to school together for the last four years,” he explains, his tone turning dry. “And we have study hall. And weren’t you in my bio class last term?”

Mikasa tries to think back to where or when she would have seen his face. At this point in her high school career, everything becomes a blur the second she’s finished with it. Only a select few things have managed to linger with her.

But nonetheless, she nods her head slowly and pretends to know what she’s talking about. “I think so.”

There is a beat, and Mikasa can’t help but notice that Jean’s nervousness returns. His resting face often looks mean and sullen, yet somehow — standing in front of her — Jean has suddenly adopted the mannerisms of Panko in a veterinarian’s waiting room.

He runs a hand through his hair and avoids her gaze. “Uh… have you seen Sasha?”

Mikasa gently tilts her head towards the field. Jean looks over just in time to see Sasha doing passing drills with Historia near the net.

“Coach threw her in at the last minute,” Mikasa adds.

Jean clicks his tongue. “Ah.”

As Mikasa reaches down to adjust her shin guards, Jean slips off his backpack and rummages inside. What he takes out is a handful of papers with various paragraphs and chemistry equations scribbled onto them.

For a guy who worked somewhat diligently in every study hall, Mikasa has never noticed how messy his notes could be.

“Could you uh… do me a favor and give these to her?” Jean asks as he hands over the papers. “Sasha seems a little…”

He pauses, then looks to the field just in time to see the girl in question tripping over the ball.

“...preoccupied.”

Just like before, Mikasa nods slowly and takes the papers. As sleep-deprived and tired as she tends to be, she’s not too unkind to refute a simple request.

“I can do that.”

Jean gives her a slight grin as he slips his backpack on. “Uh… good game last week, by the way.”

Mikasa raises an eyebrow. “You attend the girl’s soccer games?”

Jean nods like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“Yeah, for Sasha mainly, but you’re all good,” he lauds. His smile towards her gets just a bit brighter. “You’re a better midfielder than most dudes on the lacrosse team, that’s for sure.”

Mikasa lets out a hum, which is the closest she can get to laughing. She finds something humorous in Jean’s ability to applaud her while simultaneously shit-talking the guys he plays alongside. She’s tempted to start attending the boys lacrosse games just to double check his claims.

“I suppose that’s a compliment?” she asks, her tone getting just a bit softer.

Jean gives her a nod. “It is.”

For a brief second, Mikasa glances down to her cleats. They’re muddier than she thought they were.

“I’m not good at taking those,” she says in a voice that’s more like a whisper.

When she looks up again there’s a sense of sincerity in Jean’s eyes. She’s only realized now that they’re hazel. The hue goes well with the ashy brown tones of his hair.

“Then you better learn,” Jean tells her, and his voice becomes warm and gentle.

Mikasa’s grasp around the papers tightens as a rush of warmth surges to her face, but she doesn’t know why.

Jean’s smile persists, and when he voids her gaze again he seems to be having a short, private moment to himself. Mikasa can practically see the gears turning in his head, but she can’t quite pinpoint what he’s thinking about.

When he looks at her once, he manages a polite nod.

“See you at study hall, Mikasa,” Jean says, and the way her name rolls off his lips feels so effortless.

Jean turns around and walks away from the field. For a few moments, Mikasa remains where she is and watches him leave until he is a speck between the bleachers and the running track.

Once he’s gone, she folds the notes in her hands and walks to her backpack at the bottom of the bleachers. She has no choice but to stash them somewhere until Sasha’s done rolling in the mud. As she sits down to put the papers away, her eyes glance upon the scribble-like penmanship on the pages.

Her heart skips a beat when she recognizes the handwriting.

#jeankasa #jeanmika #mikajean #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein #mikasa ackerman #sasha braus #kiyomi azumabito #high school AU #snk #Panko is the real MVP of the story

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theotherackerman · 7 months

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COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan, Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon, A Song of Ice and Fire

NOTES: Check that trigger warning as always. We time skipped. This chapter takes place one month after the previous chapter. This chapter is very eremika heavy and driven. It's also a lot fluffier than I imagined it will be. Also timeline wise, we are drawing close to the close of summer.

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of attempted suicide, murder, and war.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: NOW, I FEAR I HAVE FALLEN FROM GRACE

The Seven Kingdoms seemed to believe that they were the only affected by the Long Night.

This was not true.

It was the entire world.

Ice covered the Free Cities, the Ten Kingdoms that the Azumabitos would later rule, and the kingdom that Tyburs would eventually rule.

Even the great dragon city of Valyria was covered. The dragons tried to fight back with their dragonlords.

But the Long Night came for them all the same.

It did not care if one was rich or if one was poor.

The Night’s King was the true villain.

He had once been human.

His first crime being falling in love with the Night’s Queen.

She was beautiful. She had hair the color of snow, eyes as blue as the sky. Her skin was alabaster.

The moment the human who would become the Night’s King saw her, he had to have her for there was no one more beautiful.

And he deserved her for he was a King. King deserved only the most beautiful of women.

So he tried to win her heart. So that winter he sat out to do just that. He would always watch her dancing under the moonlight. Every night, he waited for her.

But there was nothing he could do to make her love him.

First he tried with a dress made of the finest silks and thread spun from gold.

The Night’s Queen laughed and went off into the night.

He left her jewelry.

“I do not need jewels,” she told him before leaving him.

Then he brought her gold coin.

She laughed at him once again. “I do not desire your earthly possessions. Besides, I could never be with someone like you. You are something death can touch. I am something you cannot begin to understand. You will grow old while I remain young and beautiful. Your heart still beats, mine is frozen. I will never be yours.”

So she left the man.

She stopped dancing under the moonlight.

The man grew angry.

He sent his men to find a way that he would not age, to find out how the Night’s Queen existed.

The men brought back an answer. He would have to complete an unspeakable act but it would give him what he wished.

So the King did it.

“What did you do?” The Night’s Queen asked him.

The king’s form had changed. Horns grew from his head, like his crown. His skin was made up of ice and snow. His men had also changed, becoming more monstrous. There were bones where their skin should be.

“I have done what you wanted. I have also given you children. Do you see now how much I love you? Do you see what I did for our love?” he asked her.

“You have doomed us all. I cannot love you and you do not love me. I am not a possession. The blood you have spilt will lead to our destruction.”

And the Night’s Queen ran.

She ran to the North, into the mountains where wild dragons resided.

—----------

Mikasa turned the page in the book.

Nothing. It went onto another story about a girl and an ice dragon.

What had happened to the Night’s Queen?

Had she been defeated by Lightbringer like the Night’s King?

It was late.

Levi would be returning any day now.

Things were not good between Mikasa, Annie, and Sasha.

Mikasa had gone to them the moments after the dragon had hatched. She told them everything about her mother, about Kiyomi, and about how the dragon hatchling came into being.

They were angry.

Angry that once again, she had kept things from them after they had agreed to speak to one another about everything. Yet Mikasa continued to keep secrets. They had shouted at one another, Mikasa’s grief still flowing through her. Sasha and Annie were hurt from her actions.

She was so damn selfish.

Now she had a dragon hatchling who was terrorizing her. The long curtains that reached the ground had been burnt on the bottoms.The hatchling, who she had named Rhaena, spent a lot of time in her hair, hanging on the back of her neck or sitting on her shoulder. When she had walked into a meeting with the Minor Houses, they had stared at the hatchling before moving onto the business at hand.

It had been almost a full moon cycle since Mikasa had been attacked, Levi was still at the capitol. He was to escort the princes back with Vulcan. Added protection for the princes after everything that had happened. It had taken two weeks to get everything in place, then it would take two more for them to reach the North.

To be completely honest, Eren Jaeger was the last thing on Mikasa’s mind. When she wasn’t dealing with the Minor Houses, she was making sure supplies were on the correct routes. If that was done, she was checking on the rebuilding after the fire from the Fritz Loyalists. If everything was complete, she was trying to figure out what her mother had done and what a dragon having three heads meant.

Levi had been no help on that. She had written to him about the dragon hatching, the voice she heard.

Your father used to be obsessed with that phrases. Kenny doesn’t know what it means either. Maybe it’s why you have three dragons under your command. I’ll have Hange look into it. That was what Levi had written her back. Hange had looked into it at the capitol and found nothing. However, Hange was coming to the North. Levi had told Mikasa if she was comfortable, perhaps she should tell Hange everything. They knew more about magic than anyone else.

The suggestion of telling Kenny had crossed both Mikasa and Levi’s mind. But would the man reveal what he knew? Unlikely. If Hange could answer the questions Mikasa had, she would tell them.

Rhaena was chewing on the burnt curtain.

“Stop that!” Mikasa remarked as she got up off her bed.

Rhaena growled at Mikasa as Mikasa got closer.

“Daor!” Mikasa commanded as she tried to pry Rhaena’s mouth open.

The hatchling growled again and snapped at Mikasa.

The curtain was out of Rhaena’s mouth at least.

Mikasa was beginning to feel like she had a child.

A child who could breathe fire and had very sharp teeth.

“Lykirī, Rhaena. Be calm. You’re safe. You cannot eat the curtains.” Mikasa petted Rhaena’s head.

The red dragon seemed to almost purr.

“Gevī, Rhaena.”

Mikasa brought the hatchling with her to the bed, allowing Rhaena to sleep on her pillow.

“Let us hope that Levi returns tomorrow. We need more flight practice,” Mikasa told the dragon as Rhaena curled up, falling asleep almost instantly.

Mikasa sighed.

Of course the hatchling had no trouble falling asleep while Mikasa tossed and turned most of the night. She could still see images of the attack, her mother ending Kiyomi’s life. It was all she could see. She found herself sleeping and dressing only in tunics and breeches. Not wanting to be caught unarmed, there was a dagger under each pillow. Her sword was right next to her bed.

Anytime she was out of the castle, Meadow and Kayda became her shadow while Rhaena stayed on her shoulder. She would not be caught like that ever again.

As she blew out the candles for the night, she looked at the drawer when she kept Eren’s letters. She had read them. He did seem truly sorry for the way he had acted, he was worried about her. But was it enough?

She hadn’t allowed herself to think about it until this moment.

They just felt like words on paper. Her parents had died, he thought she was ill. Those were the simple facts. It was to ease his mind. So many people only thinking about themselves, including herself.

Where did that leave her?

It left her in a place of anger.

An anger she disguised from the Minor Houses and the smallfolk.

Mikasa had been raised to be a queen. She knew how to speak, how to walk, and how to make them think everything was fine.

She was fine.

She didn’t feel guilt. She didn’t feel anything.

Or that was at least what they saw.

And it was what Mikasa told herself every night.

She was fine.

She could run the North while her aunt, uncle, and cousin helped the king.

And when the nightmare returned tonight, she’d tell herself the same thing again.

—---------------------------

“Kirimvose,” Levi said as he sat across from Eren at the fire they had made.

“Kirimrose?” Eren said wrong.

“That's not even a word,” Levi said as he pinched the bridge of his nose."Kirimvose! Key-RIM-voh-say.”

“Key-RIM-oh-say,” Eren pronounced the word wrong yet again.

“Key-RIM-voh-say. Not Key-RIM-oh-say.”

“I’m never going to learn Valyrian at this rate,” Eren sighed as he leaned back, his back resting on the ground while he still sat on a fallen log.

“It means thank you so you need to learn it. Kirimvose,” Armin pronounced the word perfectly.

“How do you say Hello?” Zeke asked Eren.

The whole ground had committed to learning Valyrian on their trip North. Hange already knew a large chunk. Jean knew some basics.Zeke, Porco, Pieck, and Armin had no trouble picking up the language. Reiner had given up weeks ago. Bertolt had followed Reiner’s lead. Colt, Gabi, Falco, Connie, and Eren were all currently struggling with the language.

“Rytsas,” Eren answered.

“At least you’ll be able to greet her when we get there,” Zeke nodded.

“If he remembers it,” Jean snorted.

“Thank you, Jean. You’re being rather helpful,” Eren rolled his eyes from his spot on the ground.

“What’s her title?” Jean asked.

“Dārilaros,” Eren answered.

“What does it mean again?” Gabi asked from across the campfire.

“Heir. Crown princess or crown prince,” Hange answered.

“So Zeke would have the same title if he were from Valyrian,” Connie added.

“He has the title anyway. It’s just saying he is a crown prince, he is the heir,” Levi said as he pinched the bridge of his nose again. “It’s another language.”

“This is why I gave up after the first week,” Reiner laughed.

“Why is Valyrian so hard to learn?” Gabi asked.

“It’s because you’re not used to it. It’s not that hard. It’s not spoken by anyone other than the Ackermans here. King Grisha knows some but not very much. It’s almost a dead language on this continent,” Levi explained. “Some speak it in the Free Cities.”

“Do they speak the language of the First Men in the Free Cities?” Colt asked.

“The Old Tongue?” Hange looked up from the book they were reading by the fire. “I don’t think so. I always thought the Old Tongue was only spoken by those in the North.”

“Giants speak the Old Tongue,” Falco piped up.

“Giants don’t exist,” Gabi argued.

Levi snorted, “Giants exist. They live in the mountains past the wild dragons in the North.”

“No, the giants died in the Long Night,” Gabi argued.

“No. They didn’t. Why do you think they wanted to build a wall there? They wanted to keep things of magic over there,” Levi argued.

“Why didn’t they then? And why hasn’t anyone seen one?”

“The Stone Deceiver,” Hange said as if that explained everything.

“I have no idea what that means,” Bertolt said as he stared at Hange.

“No one does,” Hange replied ominously.

“Can we continue Valyrian now? We’ll be in the North before we know it,” Eren muttered.

“You know you could just order us to. You are a prince in case you forgot,” Pieck grinned as she used her knife to cut off a slice of apple.

“I’m not ordering Lord Levi to do anything. Do you not see what sits behind him?”

Vulcan raised his head and showed his teeth. For a moment, Eren thought the dragon was smiling at him.

“Zaldrīzes rȳbus, lo mērī udrirzi Valyrio eglio ȳdrassua,” Levi replied.

“What does that mean?” Eren asked.

“A dragon only listens when you speak in High Valyrian.”

That may be the case but Eren knew that Vulcan knew exactly what was being said. There was no doubt about that for Eren.

The dragon lowered his head, resting behind his rider. It made Eren miss Fenrir. But the wolf had to stay in the carriage for the most part. They went out for short walks in the early morning and then Fenrir was put in the carriage. The same with Vivica. Midnight was stuck in his cage until they reached the North. Midnight was not happy about that. He let Eren know it every time they opened the carriage. A second carriage followed with all their belongings.

They would reach the Ackerman castle before they knew it. Eren didn’t know how to feel about it. Mikasa hadn’t written him back but he hadn’t expected her to. He was a bit disappointed by it though.

He had no one to blame but himself for his troubles with Mikasa. He wasn’t even sure that learning Valyrian was the right answer. He didn’t know the right answer. He didn’t even know how to act around her.

How does one act around their betrothed who had lost so much in such a short amount of time who you repeatedly treated badly because you wanted to push them away and now you who have to live in the same castle?

Eren ran his hands over his face and into his hair.

—-------------------------

“Dracarys!” Mikasa yelled at the three dragons who were currently stationed around what would quickly become a large fire.

Meadow, Kayda, and Rhaena released fire on the wooden structure.

“The autumn equinox is not for a few weeks,” Sasha said as she walked over.

Mikasa turned towards her. “It’s the wood that was burnt but not fully burnt from the fires. We replaced any piece that was damaged.”

“I should have known.”

Mikasa simply nodded as she turned back towards the fire.

“Did you name her?”

“Rhaena.”

“Valyrian name. Should have known.”

“Named Kayda from my mother’s language, I felt as if I should name this one in my father’s,” Mikasa said simply.

“Good name.”

“Thank you.” Mikasa clasped her hands together.

“Your sword and daggers are done. Whenever you wish to wield Valyrian steel.”

“Thank you.”

There was an awkwardness that hadn’t been there between them before. Neither knew what to say because there was nothing they could say to one another that would make it better.

“Rhaena, māzīs,” Mikasa called to the dragon.

Rhaena ran towards Mikasa before jumping into the air. Her wings stretched out, Rhaena flew until she landed on Mikasa’s shoulder. The dragon then proceeded to hide under Mikasa’s hair.

“Is that why you’ve been wearing your hair down?” Sasha asked.

Mikasa nodded, “she likes to hang onto the back of my neck.”

“Do her claws bother you?”

Mikasa shook her head. “At first. I have gotten used to it. It makes it easier to smuggle her in and out of the castle without anyone seeing her.”

“So you’re keeping her a secret for now then?”

Mikasa nodded again. “I should go make sure arrangements are in order for Levi’s return.”

Sasha nodded.

The two women walked in opposite directions.

Neither catching the other looking back.

—-------------------

It wasn’t that Annie was actively avoiding Mikasa.

Yes, she was angry with her.

But it was more of avoiding her father. He was visiting the castle yet again.

The good thing was Mikasa had not released Annie as her lady. As long as Annie was Mikasa’s lady, her father could not force her to the capital.

Annie spent most of her time in the training yard, practicing her weaker skills. Then she tended to things within the castle. She spent her spare time finding out where her father was and making sure their paths did not cross.

She was eagerly awaiting Levi’s return so he could throw her father out.

—----------------------

The castle was waiting in the distance. Levi touched down first. The carriage, the guards, and the princes were close behind.

Mikasa was awaiting her cousin’s arrival.

Vulcan roared.

It was echoed back by Meadow and Kayda.

Home.

They were finally home.

Levi had missed his bed.

And he may have missed his cousin a bit as well.

Sometimes, Levi didn’t know if Mikasa was his younger sister or his daughter. He felt like she somehow was both at the same time. Maybe that was what bothered him about how Mikasa had responded to her parents’ death. They were just blood but they hadn’t been around. It was him, Kuchel, and Kenny who raised her. They taught her Valyrian, how to ride a dragon. What had Yui done but given birth to the woman?

Vulcan landed next to Meadow and Kayda in the garden.

Levi jumped down from the dragon. He quickly removed the saddle. Then Vulcan headbutted Meadow. Then Vulcan repeated the action with Kayda. Levi shook his head as he walked away from the dragons. He handed the saddle off to one of the guards waiting outside of the garden.

He made his way to the front of the castle. The carriage was just pulling up. The guards and the princes were dismounting from their horses.

“Princess Mikasa! Or dare I say, sister,” Zeke said as he hugged Mikasa. The prince picked her up and spun her in a circle. Mikasa’s eyes were wide as Zeke sat her down on the ground. “I would offer my condolences for your family but I imagine you have grown sick of hearing it. So instead, I will say I am happy you have allowed my brother and me into your gracious home.”

“House Jaeger will always be welcomed anywhere House Ackerman is. I thank you for your condolences,” Mikasa nodded.

The wolves were released from the carriage, Fenrir made his way over to Mikasa. Mikasa gave him a pet on the head. The wolf’s tongue hung out of his mouth.

“Rytsas, dārilaros,” Eren greeted Mikasa.

Mikasa’s eyes widened.

Levi was proud of the prince. Eren had pronounced it correctly and not forgotten his words.

“Ydra ji valyre?”

“He’s learning to speak Valyrian. He is not fluent,” Levi informed Mikasa.

Mikasa turned towards him.

“We all have,” Armin said.

“They’re very bad at it,” Levi scoffed. “I didn’t teach them anything that will help them understand when we’re talking about them in front of them.”

“That’s rude,” Pieck scoffed.

“Rooms?” Hange asked. “I’m sure Midnight would like to get out of his cage.”

“There are guards waiting to show you to your room,” Mikasa informed them.

“CORN!” Midnight yelled from his cage which Falco was carrying.

“How did you clean him on the way here?” Mikasa wondered.

“It wasn’t easy. We had to lock the carriage and make sure he didn’t escape,” Armin answered.

“We? Falco and I had to do it!” Gabi yelled.

“It is too early to be yelling,” Reiner muttered.

“It’s the middle of the day,” Bertolt reminded him.

“It’s still too early.”

“Let’s get to the rooms,” Colt said.

The guards and the princes followed the Ackerman guards.

Levi watched them walk away before he spoke to Mikasa. “I received a raven from Annie and Sasha.”

“So you know how Rhaena hatched then and what my mother did?” Mikasa asked, not looking at her cousin.

“Yes,” Levi answered.

Mikasa nodded.

“Where is the hatchling anyway?”

“Hiding under my hair.”

“‘She bonded to you?”

Mikasa nodded. “I told her to serve and she responded. I don’t think I could ride her.”

“She won’t be big enough anytime soon. So that doesn’t seem to be the answer. Is Meadow still listening to your commands?”

Mikasa nodded again. “I haven’t told him to serve. I fear his reaction. I don’t think he would kill me. I do think that he may hurt me or at least scare me.”

“Best not to take the risk. Anything else I need to be aware of?”

“I haven’t summoned the flames or even tried since that night. I haven’t seen the ice at all.”

“I meant in general but I suppose that’s important to know as well. We’ll announce that you have another dragon soon. For now, keep her hidden. I will see what Hange can find out. I brought them to the North for their knowledge. They’re continuing Erwin’s research.”

“Any chance they know what the dragon must have three heads means?”

“I’ll have Hange look into it as well. Where did you hear that?” Levi asked as an eye peeked through the side of Mikasa’s hair.

“In my head when Rhaena was born.”

That was strange. It was not the first time that Mikasa had mentioned hearing a voice. Levi didn’t think Mikasa was going mad. He knew she was grieving, he knew she was hurting. She wasn’t mad. She seemed to understand what exactly was happening.

“What did you name her Rhaena?” Levi asked.

Mikasa looked down, “my father told me stories about her. She was a queen of Valyria. Her husband was usurped and the man who killed him tried to make her marry him. She had him beheaded instead and took the throne for herself. She rode into battle against other dragonlords who came for the throne.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be queen,” Levi teased her.

“I don’t. I just…I named Kayda for my mother, I named Rhaena for my father.”

“How are you…”

“I’m surviving. I have this anger inside…I didn’t even know I could be this angry. Then some days the anger fades and I just feel…empty. I wonder why they never told me anything. I try not to allow myself to think about it. I am just trying to find answers.”

Levi watched the dragon hatchling come out and sit on Mikasa’s shoulder. The hatchling nuzzled up to Mikasa. Mikasa stroked the dragon’s head.

“I wish I had more to give you.”

Mikasa nodded again.

“Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?”

Mikasa nodded yet again.

So the two of them departed to Levi’s office.

—----------

It was not surprising that Eren and Zeke had been moved to a different level of the castle.

Eren and Zeke had a room each with a combined sitting room outside of their bedrooms.

Across the hall, Jean, Connie, Reiner and Bertolt had smaller rooms with a sitting room outside of them.

Pieck and Gabi had two larger rooms and a sitting room.

On the other side of them, Colt, Porco, and Falco had their rooms and sitting room.

Armin had a large room with no sitting room at the end of the hall and Hange had the same on the opposite side.

Once Eren and Mikasa married, they'd redo the room assignments.

Eren fell back on his bed while Fenrir ran around with Vivican. Both Zeke and Eren had their bedroom doors open. Midnight had flown out of the window the moment the crow had been freed from the cage.

Zeke had started unpacking.

Eren had not.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be here….he did. He just…

His thoughts were interrupted by Gabi and Falco dropping off a trunk in the sitting room.

“Why is this so heavy?” Falco wondered.

“Didn’t seem that heavy to me,” Gabi scoffed.

The two exited the sitting room.

Eren got up and looked at the trunk.

“Zeke, your trunk is here,” Eren said as he walked away.

“It’s not mine. All my things are in here already. That’s yours,” Zeke replied from his room. “You brought it down to the carriage the night before we left. I saw you. Father yelled at you about leaving your room without guards.”

Eren frowned. He didn’t remember any of that.

Opening the trunk, Eren jumped back once he saw what was inside.

The war hammer.

He slammed the lid back shut and carried it into his room.

—-----------------------

Niccolo had arrived in the late afternoon to begin preparations for dinner.

Sasha was in the forge when he passed by.

He slowed. “Good afternoon, Lady Sasha.”

Sasha looked up from the helmet she was shining. “You can just call me Sasha, Niccolo. How are you?”

“I am well. And you?”

“I am also well. Are you here for dinner then?”

Niccolo nodded, “I am. I am heading that way to begin.”

“I look forward to seeing you tonight,” Sasha smiled.

Niccolo smiled back.

His whole day was made.

—----------------

Armin had expected to see Annie again.

A part of him had worried about living in the same place as her. Would she be fine with it? Would she ignore him?

Then Armin ran into Annie while climbing the stairs.

He was carrying a trunk and hadn’t seen Annie when she was coming down the stairs. Clearly, she had not been paying attention either.

Armin almost fell back a step but chose to drop the trunk. In a split second he saw Annie falling backwards, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her towards him. Weapons fell out of the trunk as the trunk rolled down the stairs.

They froze there for a moment.

At first they just stared at one another.

Time seemed to have stopped just for them.

Then they both realized they were holding onto one another.

Armin released her. “I should pick those up. Are you…?”

“I’m fine,” Annie muttered as she stepped back.

Armin swallowed and just as he was about to speak,Bertolt came down the stairs.

“Lady Leonhardt, I was hoping to take a walk around the gardens if you wouldn’t mind showing me around,” Bertolt asked.

Annie stared at Armin for a moment. “Yes, of course,” Annie replied before descending the stairs.

Armin just watched her leave.

—-----------------------

Dinner was uncomfortable.

Armin gripped his fork in a deathgrip. No one else seemed to notice but Eren knew Armin’s body language. He was not happy.

“Armin? Is everything…?”

“Everything is fine, Eren,” Armin replied before unnecessarily stabbing the meat on his plate.

Mikasa sat on the other side of Eren. She hadn’t spoken to him, Sasha, or Annie. In fact, she didn’t even look in any of their directions.

Instead, eyes poked out from her hair.

There was something alive in her hair.

He couldn’t see what it was.

It just stared at him, watching.

What could Mikasa possibly have kept hidden in her hair?

He knew she wore her hair braided most of the time but it was down.

As Eren raised a fork to his mouth, the nose came out.

Scales. Red scales.

Was that a dragon in Mikasa’s hair?

Mikasa was too busy discussing something with Hange who was on the other side of Mikasa.

Eren ate the meat off his fork.

The nose disappeared back into Mikasa’s hair but the eyes were still reflecting the candlelight.

Eren picked up piece of meat again and put it onto his fork. He held it up.

It was almost too fast for Eren to get a good look but the dragon blew fire onto the meat. Then it snatched the meat off of Eren’s fork and retreated back into Mikasa’s hair.

Eren froze.

The eyes were back staring at him.

Mikasa didn’t seem to notice or she didn’t care.

It wasn’t long after that Mikasa excused herself from the table and left without sparing a glance in his direction.

Eren’s appetite disappeared.

—-----------

Mikasa knew that Levi had brought Hange here to help. So she used dinner to talk to them about what had happened.

“Bloodmagic and fire magic are what House Ackerman used. That’s what was torn from your mother’s journal. Bloodmagic can be addictive. It can twisted a person’s mind in ways no one can truly understand. It’s also what fuels the bond between the dragons and their riders. Not all blood magic is dark and evil,” Hange had explained.

“Would kinslaying be used for bloodmagic?” Mikasa asked softly.

Hange nodded, “it would be a powerful blood sacrifice but it would have horrific effects. Is that what you think happened?”

“I…I don’t know. Has Levi told you?”

“Yes, he did. I brought some books from Zeke’s library and others from the capitol. I can always write for more if I can’t find answers in these.”

“I fear there may be no answers. I hope you’ll excuse me. I’m going to take my leave now.”

Hange nodded.

Mikasa stood from the table and began to walk away. Something made her look back. She saw Eren’s body slump down into the chair and push his plate away. Something caught in her throat. She hadn’t meant to ignore him. She hadn’t meant to be rude. She just hadn’t thought of him. Guilt bubbled up in her stomach. She shook her head as she walked away.

She never did the same thing at the same time due to not wanting anyone to catch on her routine. It had been easier when she was meeting with the Minor Houses. Levi’s return guaranteed that she wouldn’t be doing that anytime soon.

Not being as busy meant that the grief had time to burrow in.

The anger always came first.

Sadly, that didn’t equal the fire showing itself again. It should have been as simple to summon as when she told her dragons to breathe fire. Instead, it was unreliable.

Then there was the anger that she felt towards Sasha and Annie.

Sure, they were hurt but Mikasa was the one going through the pain. She wasn’t dead. Her dragons wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t as if she was going to try again to end her life. Mikasa ran hand through her hair as she exited into the side yard of the castle.

Rhaena came to sit on her shoulder. Kayda and Meadow flew overhead. Mikasa wondered how they always knew where she was now. It was as if their bond had strengthened.

People smiled and waved as she passed them, regarding her. She wondered how many of them had added to the rumor that she was pregnant with Eren’s bastard. Because no one knew the true reason Mikasa had been sick for the fortnight while she was unconscious, they made up their own truths.

Worst of all, Mikasa had to hear it from men who reported to the man who might as well be her older brother. Mikasa was glad, however, she didn’t have to be there when Levi dealt with those same people. She knew he would not be happy about such gossip happening.

People thought she was pregnant when she hadn’t so much as been kissed in the nineteen namedays she’d been alive. She knew she would always be a pawn, never to marry for love. She was for alliances, for land, or whatever else. Her title of heir being taken away, her aunt being deceased should have changed all that. Levi had told her he would cancel the marriage. He didn’t care but Mikasa couldn’t dare to disappoint anyone else.

Deciding she walked far enough away from the castle, Mikasa turned around and walked back. Kayda and Meadow landed and followed her the whole way. She locked Rhaena in her room while she ran to the library to get more books to look through. She wasn’t sure what she was even looking for.

She was in the stacks when she heard someone else come in. She thought it was going to be Levi or Hange.

As she stepped out into the main path, Eren was standing there. Fenrir made his way from Eren’s side to her. Mikasa patted the wolf on the head.

“Hello,” he said simply as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hello,” Mikasa repeated.

“Sorry. I didn’t know you were here. I can go,” he offered.

“It’s fine.”

The silence was awkward. She didn’t know what to say, clearly he didn’t either. So they just stood there until Eren finally looked away.

“Were you looking for anything?” Mikasa finally blurted out.

“Depends on how good you are at keeping secrets,” Eren replied.

“Depends. Is it going to get me executed?”

“It’s possible.”

“You’re not going to usurp?”

“Fuck no. I don’t want to rule. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“So what is it?”

“There’s this war hammer….”

“Go on…”

“I brought it here. The thing is I don’t remember loading it into the carriage or even going down to where it last was. It seems when it's out of the trunk, I’m the only one who can lift it.”

Mikasa didn’t know anything about a war hammer besides one the Tyburs were said to possess. It was said to control the Others in the books but there was nothing about whether only certain people could lift it.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll find many answers here. I know I haven’t.”

“Were you sick or did something else happen? You….you look too skinny. Zeke said I shouldn’t say anything since you’re grieving,” Eren looked back towards the door.

Mikasa sighed as she leaned up against one of the bookshelves. “I was unconscious. Whether I was truly ill or not, I do not know. I just know my mind was somewhere else.”

“Did someone make you unconscious?” Eren asked as he took a step towards her.

Mikasa shook her head. “I would tell you the whole story but I’m not in the mood to have someone else be angry with me.”

Eren frowned as he studied her.

“What?”

“I’m trying to understand why someone would be angry with you.”

Mikasa stared at him.

“You look far too much like Levi when you stare at me like that. It's a bit unnerving.”

“You are angry with me most of the time it seems,” Mikasa deadpanned.

“I am not angry with you. I am angry with myself. I…I didn’t want to drag you into this mess that is me. I didn’t want people attacking you because you’re associated with me.”

“Bit too late for that, isn’t it?” She scoffed as her hands balled into fists at her side.

“That was exactly what I was trying to avoid,” Eren took another step towards her.

“I am so sick of everyone else around here deciding what is best for me! I can take care of myself! I have a dragon. Not to mention that I’ve spent most of my life learning a sword, a dagger, archery, and whatever weapon Levi could put into my hands. The only reason you drew first blood is because I let my anger get the best of me!” Mikasa threw her hands up. The fire was coursing through her veins again. The anger towards Eren for the way he treated her, the way he made her seem like a fool was bubbling up. “You didn’t speak to me. You didn’t look at me. You left without a word. I got upset, yes. But then I talked to my ladies about it. You would have known that if you wouldn’t have been a coward and left! Then you played me like a fool at the capitol. Do you know what they say about me?”

Eren just stared at her.

“They say I have your bastard in my womb, that I wasn’t sick. They whisper about me. I have to hear it from the minor houses. I have to deal with the rumors while you do whatever you please. You decided what was best for me. Why did you write me those letters? Why did you learn Valyrian? Because you didn’t do it for me. You did it to clean your conscience.” Mikasa began to head towards the door.

As she passed Eren, he grabbed her arm and stopped her.

“Tell me how to make it right,” his eyes searched her face.

The tears were welling up in her eyes.

He brushed a stray hair from off her forehead.

“I don’t know,” she gently removed his hand from her arm.

Mikasa left the library.

She made sure not to look back at Eren.

——————-

When Eren arrived back in his room, he was not expecting to see a drunk Armin on the floor while Zeke, Jean, and Pieck all stared at him.

“Now they’re going for another walk around the garden. How many walks around the garden does one need?” Armin asked before he raised the bottle up to his mouth.

“Perhaps you should just tell her how you feel,” Pieck shrugged from the chaise she was taking up.

“Pieck, you are in the circle of trust not to judge or offer advice,” Zeke scolded.

“Oh fuck your circle of trust. You have the romantic insights of horseshit,” Pieck answered. “You’ve fucked with half the kingdom,” she motioned to Jean.

“I’ve only fucked you lately,” Jean muttered.

“The coward on the floor cannot tell the woman he’s been fucking for years that he’s in love with her and that one,” Pieck pointed to Eren. “Just walks away. Your circle of trust is not filled with intelligence. Maybe if for once you’d think with your head and not your dick, you all wouldn’t be in this position.”

“I am fine with having the romantic insights of horseshit, thank you very much,” Zeke replied before swiping the bottle from Armin.

“What did I just walk into?” Eren asked.

“Annie is taking her second walk around the garden with Bertolt. Armin came to talk to you, you were gone. I offered him alcohol. Jean and Pieck stopped by. Where have you been?” Zeke asked.

“Library.”

Jean snorted.

“You can read?” Pieck teased.

“Funny. That joke never gets old. I’ll be back,” Eren said as he turned and left again.

This time, Eren wasn’t walking away. He was walking towards something.

——————

Mikasa was not expecting a knock on her door. She wasn’t expecting company. Rhaena was asleep. The hatchling slept like the dead sometimes. Surprisingly, this seemed to be one of those times.

Another surprise was Eren and Fenrir waiting on the other side of the door.

“Can I come in? I thought since everyone thinks you’re carrying my bastard, Levi wouldn’t kill me for coming here. Can’t cause more of a scandal since you’re already carrying my child,” he teased.

Mikasa stepped out of the way and let him with Fenrir into the sitting room.

“That’s what it was!” Eren exclaimed as he pointed to the small red dragon asleep on the table.

“What? Rhaena?” Mikasa asked.

“She stole my food! She was in your hair!”

“She did? I’m sorry. She’s…she’s only a moon cycle old.”

“Where did she come from?”

“It’s a long story.”

Eren sat down on one of the chaises in the sitting room.“I’ve got time.”

Mikasa sat down on one of them across from him.

“So where did she come from?” Eren asked again.

Mikasa sighed as she sat down on the chaise across from him. Then she began her story. For whatever reason, Mikasa found herself telling Eren everything. What had happened the night she began ice and fire, what she saw after everything went black and she was in that world, what her mother had done, and how Rhaena had come into being.

Eren didn’t say anything. He just sat there and listened to her. He would nod for her to go on as if he wanted her to know that he was paying attention. There were a few times Mikasa started crying but she pushed on. She didn’t stop and Eren didn’t stop her.

She explained her fears about what all this meant for her, how she truly did believe people would be better off without her. She told them of Annie and Sasha’s reactions, how she hadn’t talked to Annie in weeks. Her first conversation with Sasha in weeks had been earlier that morning.

“I’m a monster,” Mikasa whispered as she looked down, her face in her hands.

Eren reached over and gently pried her hands from her face. “You’re not a monster,” he reassured her.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just so angry,” her voice cracked.

“You have a right to be angry. You are carrying a lot of grief, Mikasa. I’ve seen enough people die….I saw Erwin die. He died because of me. You don’t think that makes me angry? He was a great man and he died because I decided to go out one night. I couldn’t just stay in my room. It was my fault. But I can’t give up. You can’t give up. If we do, those who died for us, died for nothing,” he held onto her hands, forcing her to look at him.

“I hate her, Eren. I hate her more than I ever loved her. I hate my own mother. That makes me a monster,” Mikasa confessed.

“She wasn’t your mother, Mikasa. She gave birth to you and left. If you ask me, she’s the monster.”

“She had a reason.”

“I don’t care about her reasoning. If she really wanted to protect you, she’d tell you what was going on.”

Mikasa pulled her hands back. “I suppose you’re right about that.”

“Of course I am.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes.

Eren laughed.

Rhaena flew over from the table and landed on the floor between the two of them. The hatchling studied Eren, cocking her head to the side as she watched him.

“She is deciding if she likes you or not,” Mikasa teased him.

“And if she doesn’t?”

“I imagine she’ll burn you.”

“That’s comforting,” Eren muttered.

Rhaena walked over to Eren, smelled him and flew back onto the table. Fenrir lifted his head from his spot on the floor.

“She has decided she will not burn you for now. She decided you could live for now.”

“Thanks,” he muttered in the direction of Rhaena.

Mikasa laughed.

Eren looked over at her and grinned.

—-----------------------

There were several things Levi had been prepared to see when he walked into Mikasa’s sitting room. The candles were still burning and the door left just slightly ajar. This was not one of them.

Mikasa was curled on her side, asleep on the chaise.

On the floor, Fenrir was curled up with the hatchling dragon curled into his side.

Eren was asleep on his stomach on the other chaise.

The hatchling was the only one who lifted their head.

Levi held a finger up to his lips.

Rhaena lowered her head back down.

He walked out into the hall and found a servant. Moments later, the servant returned. Levi ducked back into the room, with two blankets in hand. He covered Mikasa and Eren up before blowing out all the candles. He lowered the oil lamps to the lowest setting.

Then he left, locking the door behind him.

It was evident that the two of them had fallen asleep talking. If this was how the two of them were to make their peace, it was not for Levi to decide. In fact, it made his life a little bit easier.

#wmmtb #my writing #mine

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