#just realized it's been over a year since i last kissed anyone. and that barely counted đ
fuck dating apps i wanna meet someone the old fashioned way (we both accept an invitation to investigate a haunted house that one of us would rather die than abandon)
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heyy love, could you do an aaron hotchner x fem bau reader where they dated in secretly for a while but then he broke up with her. the reason he broke up with her is because he is her boss and that always was something that made him feel doubtful about their relationship. itâs up to you if you want to end it with an happy ending.
thank youu
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Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader || Main masterlist || Spotify
Thank you so much for the request, dear anon! Such a lovely one and I was so happy to write for Hotch! mwah <3
summary: You suspect that you've been in love with Aaron Hotchner since you first laid eyes on him three years ago. Now you're on your way to Idaho to go on your first case together since he broke your heart two weeks ago.
word count: 4.5k
warnings/tags: Angst and fluff. Boss/employee relationship. Hurt/comfort. Heartbreak. Kissing. Sharing a bed. (first time I write for Hotch, so please bear with me) Haven't proof read yet. I don't know if I really like how it ended up tbh, but maybe it's just because I was really tired while writing it..?
You keep your gaze on the pages of the book, despite the words keep blurring together and after having read the same paragraph four times over, without even having registered what you have read. Youâve given up on actually getting any reading done, but you donât want anyone talking to you right now and you still have almost four hours left before you land in Idaho. So you keep eyes glued to the book, hoping that the act of pretending to read will deter any unwanted conversation.    Â
You can feel his eyes on you, not all the time, but you feel how his gaze occasionally lingers on you. Itâs subtle, almost imperceptible, but you sense his presence nonetheless. Â
Taking in a deep breath you look up from the book to steal a glance in his direction, catching his eye for a brief moment before he looks away. Thereâs a flicker of something in his expression, a hint of longing that mirrors your own. But just as quickly as it appeared, itâs gone, replaced by the stoic mask he wears so well as he continues his conversation with Derek.Â
The last two weeks have been painful, filled with a whirlwind of emotions and unanswered questions since Aaron had ended your relationship, before it even had a chance to really begin. Itâs been three years since you joined the BAU and from the very beginning you had felt drawn to Aaron Hotchner in a way that defied logic and reason, like there was a connection between you that transcended the professional boundaries of boss and subordinate.Â
A silly crush is what it had started as, but the more you got to know him, the more you realized that what you felt was far more than just that. It was a deep, undeniable attraction, a connection that went beyond the surface level. And as time passed, that initial spark grew into something more profound, something that stirred your soul and filled your heart with warmth.Â
Sometimes you had let yourself hope that he felt the same way, that the moments of shared glances and unspoken words between you held a deeper meaning, but you had never dared act on it, or let yourself get your hopes up too high. The reality of Aaronâs position as your boss and the boundaries it imposed had always stood as a barrier. The unspoken rules of professionalism, the fear of risking his or your career and the harmony of the team had kept your feelings hidden, buried beneath layers of duty and obligation.Â
It was three months ago that things had changed between you. It had been a moment of vulnerability, a shared confession during a late-night conversation with the raw emotions of the aftermath of an exceptionally harrowing case that had laid bare the depths of your emotions, and the longing that had simmered beneath the surface for so long had reached a point of no return.Â
He had kissed you that night and it was sweet and tender, yet charged with unspoken desire and desperation. It was a moment of surrender, a brief glimpse into a world where the barriers between you could be broken down and the feelings you had both been suppressing could be allowed to flourish.Â
The next couple months had been a whirlwind of stolen moments and whispered confessions, each one deepening the bond between you in ways that words could never fully capture. There were secret meetings in secluded corners of the BAU office, stolen kisses in the quiet of the night, and shared glances that spoke volumes without a single word being uttered.
But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, a shadow began to loom over your newfound connection. Aaron had started to act distant and reserved, his once warm and affectionate demeanor now replaced by a noticeable aloofness. And two weeks ago on a night where the both of you had stayed late to finish some reports he had told you that it all had been a mistake, and that the two of you should maintain a strictly professional relationship moving forward.Â
His words had cut through the air with a sharp finality and landed like a heavy blow, shattering the fragile hope that had still lingered within you. Aaronâs eyes had been averted, unable to meet your gaze as he spoke the words that shattered your heart.
You steal another glance at Aaron, watching as he maintains his composure in conversation with Derek, his mask of professionalism firmly in place.Â
You turn back to your book, the words still a jumbled mess on the page. You canât pretend to read anymore, not when your heart is heavy with memories and unspoken words. With a sigh, you close the book, making Emily, who is seated across the aisle, glance up from the case file she is reading with a questioning look.Â
You offer her a faint smile, attempting to convey a sense of normalcy despite the turmoil swirling within you.Â
âYou okay?â she asks as she sets aside the case file. You appreciate her gesture, knowing that Emilyâs intuition often went beyond words.
You take a moment to collect your thoughts, the weight of unspoken emotions pressing down on you. With a small nod, you offer Emily a reassuring smile, though it doesnât quite reach your eyes.
âYeah, Iâm okay. Just a lot on my mind,â you reply softly, the words carrying a weight that belie their simplicity.
Emily nods in understanding, her gaze holding a sense of sympathy. âHeâs an idiot, by the way,â she says with a wry smile, and you feel how your heart stops for a second, panicking at the thought of Emily uncovering the truth of what has unfolded between you and Aaron.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you stammer, the words tumbling out before you can stop them, your heart pounding in your chest as you wait for Emilyâs response.
Emily just smiles at you as she picks up her file again. âWeâre profilers, itâs not hard to read between the lines,â Emily says with a knowing glint in her eyes, her smile reassuring and understanding. âAnd youâre not as hard to read as you think, itâs clear that you have been dating someone, you have been looking like a smitten kitten for months, itâs been really cute to see, by the way, but something has changed recently. Youâve been distant, and often lost in thought sulking,â Emily continues, her tone gentle yet perceptive.Â
Itâs not like it really surprises you, given how perceptive Emily is, and how deeply youâve been feeling the shifts in your relationship with Aaron, but you had still hoped that you could have hidden your feelings from colleagues.Â
âSo, yeah, whoever he is that has you feeling like this is an idiot, youâre clearly a catch,â Emily says with a reassuring smile, her words carrying a sense of warmth and understanding.
You feel relief wash over you, though Emily has sensed that youâve been heartbroken, she hasnât figured out that it is our boss that has been the course of it.Â
âThanks, Em,â you say, offering the dark haired woman a tired but grateful smile.
Emily returns your smile. âIf you ever need to talk or just... not talk, Iâm here,â she offers, her voice warm and reassuring.
âI appreciate that,â you say, and you do really mean it, but you know that youâre not ready to talk about any of this yet. âBut I think Iâll try to take a nap first, hopefully clear my head a bit before we land.âÂ
âMm, sounds like a plan,âEmily responds with a soft chuckle.Â
Grabbing the blanket from the empty seat next to you, you lean back in your seat, engulfing your body in the soft, fluffy material.Â
Before closing your eyes you cast one last glance at Aaron, his profile etched against the soft glow of the cabin lights. The memories of stolen moments with stolen kisses floods your mind, mingling with the ache of his recent rejection. You feel a pang in your heart, a mix of longing and sorrow, as you turn away, curling up in your seat, closing your eyes to the world outside.
You pull the blanket closer around you, the soft warmth of the blanket envelops you, cocooning you in a sense of comfort and security, providing a shield against the turmoil of your heart. The gentle hum of the airplane engines lulls you into a state of relaxation, the rhythmic sound serving as a soothing backdrop to your thoughts and emotions.Â
As you feel yourself drifting further into the realm of sleep, your senses start to weaken, the sounds of the airplane cabin fading into a distant murmur and you barely register the tears gently sliding down your cheeks before you drift off.Â
¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡Â
Youâre softly pulled out of sleep by the gentle touch of a hand on your shoulder. As you slowly flutter your eyes open, the soft glow of the cabin lights illuminates the figure beside you.
âHey, sleepyhead, weâre about to land,â Derekâs voice is warm and filled with a hint of amusement as he gently rouses you from your slumber.
You blink a few times, the remnants of sleep still lingering in your mind as you adjust to the reality of the present moment. With a small smile, you offer Derek a nod of gratitude. Slowly, you sit up in your seat, the blanket slipping off your shoulders as you get ready for touchdown.Â
As the plane begins its descent, you feel a mix of emotions swirling within you - longing, sorrow, and a hint of resignation. The turbulence of your heart echoes the turbulence in the jet cabin as you start dissenting onto a lower altitude.    Â
As the cabin lights dim in preparation for landing, you look up to find Aaronâs eyes looking in your direction, his gaze briefly meeting yours before he looks away, a shadow covering his features in the soft glow. This would all be so much easier if he would stop looking at you all the time.   Â
You take a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions as the plane continues its descent. The mix of longing and sorrow in your heart feels almost suffocating, but you push it aside. You have to focus, have to keep your head clear for the sake of the case, you are a professional and you are not going to let your emotions cloud your mind. As the wheels touch the runway with a slight jolt, signaling your arrival in Idaho, you
And as the team disembarks from the plane and makes their way to the awaiting SUVs, you feel a sense of resolve settling within you, happy to no longer be confined to the limited room of the jet cabin and as you step out into the crisp evening air, you release a sigh of relief.Â
You watch Aaron walk ahead of you, his posture rigid and his expression unreadable as he walks to one of the cars and you beeline for the other. You keep your gaze fixed outside the window for most of the car ride, watching the landscape pass by in a blur as the car speeds towards its destination, a little sleepy town about an hour away.Â
As you and the team arrive at the local police station, you can feel the tension between you and Aaron simmering just beneath the surface. The case at hand requires your full attention, and you push aside the turbulent thoughts and emotions that threaten to consume you as you focus on the task at hand.
Throughout the evening and early night, you work alongside the team, profiling the unsub and piecing together clues to hopefully catch the unsub before they strike again. The familiarity of the work, the rhythm of profiling and investigating grounding you in the present moment, making you go into a state of laser focused professionalism. You find a sense of purpose in the work you do, a reminder that you are more than the turmoil of your emotions.
But as the night wears on, the team regroups at the hotel to get a few hours of sleep before continuing the investigation in the morning. You find yourself standing outside the small hotel, looking up at the dark, star lit sky and as you turn to head inside and join the rest of the team, you feel your heart do a little jump in your chest as you see Aaron standing a few feet away, his gaze fixed on you, his usual stoic expression faltered, his brown eyes softening as they meet yours.  Â
For a moment, the world around you seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you standing in the quiet night, and suddenly, you know that the decision you have made to the hard choice youâve struggled with for the past two weeks is the right one.Â
 Without saying a word, you walk towards him, a mix of uncertainty and determination coursing through you. As you come to a stop in front of him, he opens his mouth to speak, but you raise a hand to silence him. âNot here,â you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper, and you gently take his hand, leading him towards a secluded corner of the hotel grounds.Â
As you come to a stop, you turn to face him, the dim light of the night casting shadows across his face. With a heavy sigh, you search his eyes for any sign of the man you once knew, the man who had kissed you with such tenderness and held you with such care, for the man you think mightâve even loved you. You had loved him, had long before he kissed you, and you still love.
 âAaron, IâŚâ you begin, trailing off as you feel all the words in your head leave you as you look into his eyes, remembering that night he had kissed you for the first time. It had been a late night just like this one, it had been the first time you had ever called him by his first name.Â
âLetâs sit,â he says, his voice gentle yet strained, as he guides you to a nearby bench. You both sit in silence for a moment, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between you. Finally, Aaron speaks, his voice raw with emotion. âIâm sorry for hurting you, for leading you on, for... for everything.â His words are filled with regret, and you can see the pain in his eyes, a pain that mirrors your own.Â
He reaches out his hand, hesitating before resting it on yours. His touch is soft and hesitant but filled with unspoken longing and you feel how your heart skips a beat, how you have missed the feeling of him touching you, even if itâs just the slightest of touches.Â
âI never wanted to hurt you,â he says, his voice now barely above a whisper.Â
âBut it did hurt, it hurt so, so muchâ, is what you want to say. But as you look into Aaronâs eyes, filled with regret and vulnerability, you find yourself unable to form the words, the intensity in the warm, chocolate brown depths of his gaze rendering you speechless. You see the conflict within him, the turmoil of emotions swirling beneath the surface, and you feel the need to avert your gaze. Â
You look down at his hand on yours, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver down your spine in the balm night air. For a moment, you allow yourself to savor the familiar sensation, the connection that still linger between you despite the circumstances.
Aaronâs hand tightens slightly around yours, a silent plea for understanding. âYou deserve so much better than that,â he murmurs, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand.
You take a deep breath, the words forming in your mind before you speak them out loud. âMaybe I donât want you to decide for me what I do and donât deserve,â you say, looking up at him again, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling within you. Aaronâs eyes widen slightly at your words, a mix of  crossing his features.
It seems like itâs his turn to be lost for words, which for some reason seems to give you a bit more courage. You fill your lungs with another deep breath before opening your mouth. Â
âIâm quitting,â you declare, your voice firm and resolute. Youâve been struggling with making the decision, but as you look at Aaron now, face lit up by the soft moon light you know that it is the only decision for you, you are never gonna be able to let him go if you keep working for the BAU. âIâm turning in my resignation letter when we get back from this case.â
Aaronâs eyes widen in shock, his grip on your hand tightening even more as he processes your words. The weight of your statement hangs heavy in the air between you, the unspoken implications of what this means for both of you settling in. You can see how a myriad of emotions flicker across his face â surprise, concern, and perhaps a glimmer of something else that you canât quite place.
âYou canât do that,â Aaronâs voice is firm but filled with a mix of concern and resignation, his gaze searching yours for any sign of doubt
You canât help but feel a pang of hurt at his words, itâs not like you had expected him to be happy about your decision, but a little, and probably naive, part of you had hoped that he would acknowledge that it would be the solution to how the two of you could be together, hoped that he still wanted that. But youâre not leaving the BAU for the slim chance that you can be with Aaron. Youâre quitting because itâs become clear to you that it is the only solution. If the only time you can push aside the pain of being around him is when youâre actively investigating a violent crime case, you have to let him go, and you can only do that by leaving the BAU.Â
âYes, I can⌠I have to, I think,â you say firmly, yet you feel your heart breaking a little by the thought of leaving. âI need to do this for myself. For my own well-being,â you continue, your gaze unwavering as you look into his eyes. âI canât keep pretending that everything is okay when itâs not.âÂ
Aaron remains silent for a moment, his expression unreadable as he processes your words. Finally, he sighs, a hint of resignation in his voice. âI never wanted it to come to this,â he admits, his voice heavy with regret.
âI know,â you reply softly, a tinge of sorrow coloring your words. âBut we both knew the risks when we started this.â
âI should never have put you in this position,â Aaron says, his gaze dropping to the ground as he speaks. âI should never have kissed you that night. Ilet my own feelings cloud my judgment, and I hurt you in the process. Iâm your boss, and I took advantage, and I-I hurt you, andâŚâÂ
âNo, look at me, please.â You reach out and gently cub his cheek in your hand, making him meet your gaze. âAaron, it wasnât just you. I wanted it too, I wanted to be with you,â you confess, your voice breaking slightly with emotion. âI wanted to take the risk because I thought it was worth it. And maybe it was, for a while. But we canât keep going like this, Aaron. Itâs not fair to either of us.âÂ
Aaronâs eyes search yours, a mix of emotions swirling within their depths. âWhat are you saying?â he asks softly, his voice filled with a hint of desperation.Â
âIâm saying that I need to let you go,â you say, your voice barely above a whisper. âI need to let go of this hope that maybe someday we could find a way to be together. I canât keep holding on to something thatâs only causing us both pain.â Tears gather in the corners of your eyes as you speak, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. But despite the pain, you feel a sense of clarity wash over you, a sense of liberation in finally speaking the truth.Â
Aaronâs eyes soften, his hand coming up to gently grasp yours thatâs still cupping his cheek. âIâm so sorry,â he whispers, his voice filled with regret and sorrow. You offer him a sad smile, tears finally spilling down your cheeks as you lean forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling away.Â
âMe too, Aaron,â you say softly, your voice filled with a mix of love and heartbreak. As you stand up from the bench, you turn to walk away, the weight of your decision settling in your heart. But before you can take a step, you feel a hand grasp yours, stopping you in your tracks. You turn back to see Aaron standing before you, his eyes filled with determination and a hint of something you canât quite place.Â
âI...I canât let you leave without saying this,â Aaron begins, his voice wavering slightly. âIâve been a fool. Iâve let my own fears and insecurities cloud my judgment, and in the process, Iâve hurt you. But I canât let you go without telling you that I love you. âÂ
Your heart skips a beat at his words, the depth of his confession washing over you like a wave. For a moment, you feel a flicker of hope ignite within you, a spark of possibility that maybe, just maybe, thereâs a chance for the two of you. âBut what does that mean, Aaron?â you ask softly, your voice filled with a mix of hope and trepidation. âWhat are you saying?âÂ
Aaron takes a deep breath, his gaze unwavering as he speaks. âIâm saying that I donât want to lose you. I donât want to live with the regret of letting you slip away. I want to fight for a future where you are a part of my life. I know it wonât be easy, I know there are risks and complications, but I canât let you go without at least trying cause I love you.âÂ
Tears stream down your cheeks as you look into Aaronâs eyes, the sincerity and love shining within them filling your heart with warmth and longing. Taking a step closer to Aaron, you reach out to cup his face in your hands, meeting his gaze with determination.Â
âI love you, too. I think Iâve loved you from the moment I met you.âÂ
Aaronâs eyes widen in surprise, a mix of emotions flickering across his features. Without another word, he closes the distance between the two of you, his lips capturing yours in a kiss filled with passion and longing. The world falls away as you melt into each other, lost in the moment of shared love and desire as the man you love kisses you under the moonlight.
The kiss deepens, becoming a promise of the future you both want to fight for, a pledge to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way, a balm for the weeks of heartbreak. And as you break apart, breathless and filled with emotion, you feel how your entire body shivers, already missing the feeling of Aaronâs warm lips against yours.Â
âYouâre freezing,â Aaron frowns, quickly shredding himself of his suit jacket and draping it around your shoulders before wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. âLetâs get you inside.â
You nod, your heart swelling with hope and love as he takes your hand in his, leading you back to the hotel. Hotel might be a little generous; itâs more of a bed and breakfast, with so few rooms that the team had to pair up and share, but it was the only accommodation in town and it is not like you and the team arenât used to having to share rooms from time to time.Â
It turns out the rest of the team has already paired up and hit the hay, leaving only one room since youâre the last two to arrive. âLooks like you and Iâll have to share a room,â you say, a small smile playing on your lips, an hour ago you would be horrified by it, but now youâre absolutely thrilled about it. Â
âYeah, looks like it,â he says with a soft smile on his face as you get your keys before taking your hand in his again and leading you to your shared room. Â
As you step inside, the warmth of the room envelops you, melding with the warmth of Aaronâs touch as he pulls you into his arms, his lips finding yours once more in a sweet, tender embrace. In the dim light of the hotel room, with the moon casting a soft glow through the curtains, the emotions swirling within you are no longer suffocating, but freeing, as you surrender to the love that has bound the two of you together.
As you finally break apart and look around it turns out that the room is a twin room, with two beds divided by a bedside table. It makes sense that your coworkers didnât leave you to share a room with a shared bed.Â
You share a knowing look with him before the both of you start to quickly get ready for bed, itâs late and youâre both exhausted and there is only a few hours till youâll need to get up again.Â
You share one last kiss before moving to your respective beds, but as you lay there, the distance between you feels unbearable. The man you have been pining over for three years has just a little while ago told you that he loves you after weeks of heartbreak and he lies so close yet you canât even touch him? Thatâs ridiculous!Â
âI canât do this,â you whisper, your voice filled with longing as you look at Aaron.
âI know,â he replies, his voice just as filled with yearning as he pulls his covers to the side letting you slip into the bed with him.Â
You settle into his arms, feeling the warmth of his body against yours, and you feel as if youâre finally coming home. The walls that had been built between you are crumbling down, allowing you to embrace the love that has always been between you.
As you snuggle closer to Aaron, his arms wrapped tightly around you, you feel a sense of peace wash over you. The turmoil of the past weeks fades away, replaced by a deep sense of contentment and love.
âIâm never letting you go again,â Aaron whispers, his breath warm against your ear, and you know that he means it. And you know that you never want to let him go either.Â
With a smile on your face, and your heart full of love and hope, you drift off to sleep in the arms of the man you love, knowing that no matter what challenges lie ahead, you will face them together.
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Hi!! I always see fics of Charles being the one who isnât believed heâs in a relationship (and i eat it all up cause itâs such a fun trope đ) but what if itâs the readerâs turn. Like sheâs a normal university student who always talks about her boyfriend but her friends and her fellow students just donât believe her so Charles decides to surprise her and just be the proof. Thanks in advance!!
Daydream
Charles Leclerc x engineering student!Reader
Summary: You are living the dream ⌠except no one actually believes that your boyfriend is really your boyfriend
You walk into class after the winter break with a sun-kissed glow and a new watch on your wrist.
Your friend Matteo notices it immediately and lets out a low whistle.
âWow, that has to be the most realistic looking fake Iâve ever seen! Where did you get it?â He asks with a grin.
You roll your eyes but smile back. âItâs not a fake. Charles gave it to me for Christmas.â
Your friends barely give you a chance to get the last word out before they burst out laughing. You feel your cheeks flush in embarrassment and annoyance.
âOh sure, Iâm certain that your very real boyfriend, Charles Leclerc the Formula 1 driver, just happened to give you a âŹ340,000 Richard Mille for Christmas,â your other friend Livia jokes.
âCome on guys, Iâm serious! Charles and I have been dating for months now. We met when I was interning with Ferrari last year,â you insist.
But your friends just keep chuckling and shaking their heads in disbelief.
âIf you were really dating an F1 driver, you would be posting cute couple-y pics all over Instagram. Thereâs no way anyone in that position could resist showing off a little,â Matteo argues.
You let out an exasperated sigh. You and Charles agreed to keep your relationship out of the public eye for now to avoid media scrutiny. But your friends just see this as further proof that youâre making it all up.
âMaybe heâs embarrassed to be seen with an engineering student,â Livia quips.
That stings a bit, even though you know she doesnât mean for it to.
You slump down in your chair, absentmindedly fiddling with the exquisite watch on your wrist. You hadnât realized it was worth so much when Charles gave it to you. The way his eyes lit up when you unwrapped it on Christmas morning was priceless. He was so excited to spoil you in any way he could. And now your friends think itâs just a cheap fake.
Charles is always doing ridiculously romantic things like flying you out on a private jet just so you can spend any free weekends together and sending you bouquets of roses bigger than you are. But no one believes that heâs really your boyfriend. To them, itâs all just part of an elaborate scheme youâve concocted.
You met Charles when you were one of ten engineering graduate students selected for a prestigious internship with Scuderia Ferrari. You spent six months working in Maranello, learning from some of motorsportâs brightest minds.
Charles took an interest in you immediately. He would come by your workstation in the aerodynamics lab, peppering you with thoughtful questions about your projects. You would discuss aerodynamic principles and simulations for hours. Even ex-team principal Mattia Binotto said the two of you had a visible âsynergy.â
Your internship had since ended but your relationship with Charles continued. You tried to play it cool at first, not wanting to seem overly eager. The day after you went back to study in Milan, he asked you out to dinner. Your first date lasted five hours as you talked endlessly about everything under the sun. You were amazed at how you never ran out of things to discuss.
Over the next few months, you grew closer and closer. Charles would take weekend trips to Milan just to see you, even if it was only for a few hours. He told you that you grounded him and reminded him that there was more to life than racing.
When he asked you to be his girlfriend after inviting you to the Monaco Grand Prix, you were shocked but ecstatic. You knew then that your hectic schedules wonât make it easy but Charles is unlike anyone youâve ever known. He makes your heart race faster than a V12 engine.
Youâre shaken from your reminiscing as Matteo waves a hand in front of your face. âEarth to Y/N! Come on, tell us where you got the watch. I want to get one too! It looks so identical to the real thing that we could probably sell it to some suckers on eBay.â
You shake your head with a huff. âForget it, Iâll tell you all about my âfakeâ boyfriend another time.â
For now, youâre just counting down the days until you can see Charles again.
No matter what anyone else may think, the two of you know that your love is real.
***
Youâre humming along to your playlist as you drive Charlesâ Purosangue on the winding roads leading to Milan. The SUV handles like a dream and youâre thoroughly enjoying the feeling of having 715 horsepower under your feet.
Your own trusty Fiat had broken down while visiting Charles in Monaco over the weekend. He insisted you take the Purosangue for the almost four hour drive back rather than waiting for a rental. You tried to decline at first, anxious about driving such an expensive vehicle. But Charles wouldnât take no for an answer.
âI donât like the idea of you driving all that way alone in some random rental car,â he argued. âThis will be much safer and more comfortable for you, mon amour.â
You finally relented, unable to resist when he turned on the charm. Charles gave you a lengthy tutorial of all the carâs features before sending you off with a lengthy kiss and plans for your next visit.
As you pull into the Politecnico di Milano parking lot, you realize just what a scene youâre about to cause. The other students are used to seeing you in your almost ten-year-old Fiat, not a glittering metallic Ferrari.
Sure enough, jaws drop and whispers follow you as you step out of the driverâs seat. Matteo quickly spots you from across the lot and comes jogging over eagerly.
âNo way! Is that ... is that a Purosangue?â He gapes. âWhat are you doing with that?â
âFunny story actually. My car broke down when I was visiting Charles in Monaco last weekend. So he let me borrow this while mine is in the shop.â
Matteo stares at you blankly. âVisiting Charles ... in Monaco?â He throws his head back and laughs. âYour dedication to this bit is honestly impressive, Y/N. But thereâs no way that the Charles Leclerc just gave you his Ferrari to drive back to Milan.â
You sigh but youâre determined not to let Matteo get under your skin this time. âBelieve what you want. But I had an amazing weekend with my boyfriend before heading back to reality today.â
You head into class, Matteo trailing behind you, still shaking his head in disbelief. Livia immediately jumps up when she sees you.
âShut up, is that really a Ferrari outside?â She gasps. You nod nonchalantly and take your seat.
âY/N here is trying to convince us that her boyfriend let her borrow it over the weekend,â Matteo says with an exaggerated eye roll.
âYou do realize those start at âŹ390,000 right?â Livia says. âWhy on earth would Charles Leclerc of all people let you drive his brand new ultra luxury SUV around?â
You throw your up hands in indignation. âMaybe because heâs my boyfriend and he wanted to help me out! Why is that so hard for you guys to believe?â
But instead of listening to you, other classmates join the conversation and chime in with their own theories about why you suddenly have a Ferrari.
âMaybe she rented it to play a prank on everyone,â suggests Liam.
âNo way,â Eva argues. âMaybe she got a big inheritance? Some distant rich relative died and left their fortune to Y/N?â
You groan internally. But before you can respond, your professor walks in and instructs everyone to take their seats.
Through the lecture, you catch people whispering and pointing discreetly at you. By the time class ends, you just want to go home and video chat with Charles about your frustrating day.
As you pack up your things, Livia comes over. âSo have you thought about what youâll tell people when they see you getting out of that Ferrari for the foreseeable future?â She asks.
You blink at her. âThe truth? That Charles loaned it to me while my car is in the shop,â you say slowly.
She pats your shoulder. âCome on Y/N, the joke was funny at first but now itâs just getting sad. No one actually believes that youâre dating Charles Leclerc and driving his cars around. Just tell us where you really got it so we can all move on from this weird fantasy life youâve constructed.â
You stand up abruptly, shoving your notebook in your bag. âItâs not a fantasy,â you spit sharply. âItâs my real life and Iâm sorry you canât accept that. But I donât need to convince you or anyone else.â
You storm out of the classroom, blinking back frustrated tears.
Pulling out your phone, you text Charles.
I miss you. My friends still think Iâm making this all up. I canât wait to see you in Spain next race.
Charles texts back immediately.
Not as much as I miss you. Donât worry about what other people think, we know our love is real.
And you looked so hot driving my car đ
You smile down at your phone, comforted by his words. You may never get your friends and classmates to believe your relationship, but as long as you and Charles know the truth, thatâs all that truly matters.
Sliding back behind the wheel of the shiny Ferrari, you feel your stress melt away. Who cares what anyone thinks? You have an amazing boyfriend who trusts you with his most prized possessions. And someday when you and Charles are ready to share your love with the world, everyoneâs jaws will drop in disbelief.
For now, youâll just enjoy the ride.
***
Itâs nearly time for summer break and youâre sitting outside with Matteo, Livia, and some other friends, soaking up the sunshine.
âWe should all go backpacking around the Greek islands in August!â Suggests Livia. âWe could start in Athens, then ferry to Mykonos, Santorini, and end in Crete. Whoâs in?â
Everyone voices their enthusiasm for the idea. Then Matteo turns to you. âHow about it, Y/N? Take a break from your âboyfriendâ and come adventuring with us common folk.â
You take a deep breath and stir your coffee, debating on how to break the news. âThat sounds amazing but I already have plans for the summer.â
âOh yeah? Going home to see your family?â Matteo asks.
You take a deep breath. âActually, Charles and I are going on a vacation for a few weeks.â
Your friends erupt into laughter.
âA holiday? With Charles Leclerc?â Livia giggles. âGirl, your fantasies are really taking off lately!â
You frown in annoyance. âIâm serious. Charles chartered a yacht and everything. I wish you could see how excited he is for our first big trip together. Heâs been planning it for months.â
Livia pats your hand gently. âSweetie, we know youâre probably feeling financial pressure with school and all. You donât have to lie about going off on some glamorous vacation. If you canât afford to join us in Greece, just say so.â
You stare at her in disbelief. âThis isnât about money. Charles and I have been looking forward to this since the start of the season! Iâm sorry that our relationship is still so unbelievable to you.â
Your aggravation must show on your face because Matteo holds up his hands appeasingly. âLook, Iâm sure whatever you end up doing this summer will be great. But clearly this whole Charles charade has gone too far. Itâs time to come clean.â
You stand up abruptly, grabbing your things. âI donât need to come clean about anything. My relationship with Charles is real, whether you choose to believe it or not.â
You storm off fuming. Your friendsâ outright refusal to even entertain the notion that you could be dating Charles is so patronizing and demeaning. Do they really think so little of you?
That night, you vent to Charles over FaceTime about the conversation.
âI just donât get why itâs so hard for them to believe me! I know weâre not exactly a super conventional couple but itâs like they think Iâm delusional,â you sigh.
Charles gives you a sympathetic smile. âIâm sorry theyâre being like this, mon cĹur. But try not to let it upset you too much. We know the truth about our love. Thatâs what matters.â
You nod, cheered as always by his encouragement. âYouâre right. Iâm just so excited for our trip! Sailing around the Mediterranean with you all to myself? Itâs going to be a dream.â
Charles grins. âOh I canât wait either. The yacht has a hot tub on deck under the stars. I want to make sure itâs just as magical as you deserve.â
You spend the rest of the call discussing your vacation itinerary and plans for when your families will join you in Sardinia.
Charles reassures you again not to worry about what others think.
âSoon weâll share our love with the world. But for now, letâs just focus on us,â he says softly.
By the time you hang up, your frustration has faded. Matteo and Livia may not believe you but in a few short weeks youâll be cruising the bright blue Mediterranean with the man of your dreams.
The day finally comes for your trip to begin. As Charles helps you aboard the sleek yacht, you forget all about your friends. They donât know him like you do. And they definitely donât know how he kisses you goodbye at the airport or the special way his eyes light up when he says âI love you.â
This vacation will be everything youâve been dreaming of. And you know Charles will do whatever it takes to make it unforgettable.
As the yacht pulls away from the marina, the only thing on your mind is the blissful weeks ahead with your love. Everything else fades blissfully into the background.
***
You walk with the group of engineering students through the halls of Maranello, thrilled to be back at the Ferrari factory. You did your internship here last year but walking around still feels surreal.
As you pass the simulator room, you hear someone call your name.
âY/N! Hold on a second!â
You turn and see Gianni, one of the simulator engineers you befriended during your internship. He jogs over holding a sleek black ring.
âCharles left this after his session the other day,â he presses the familiar band into your palm. âCan you get it back to him?â Gianni asks.
You grin, turning the ring over in your hands. Charles hates taking off his Oura fitness tracker but has to for simulator runs.
âOf course, Iâll give it back to him when Iâm in Monaco.â
You turn back to your friends, expecting this to be the final push they need to believe you.
But Livia just rolls her eyes. âCome on Y/N, he is obviously in on this whole charade. I bet you convinced him to play along!â
The other students nod, chuckling. Your smile disappears.
âWhat? No, Gianni and I really worked together when I interned here! This isnât some weird prank,â you insist.
Matteo pats your shoulder condescendingly. âItâs alright, you donât have to keep pretending with us. We get it, you want people to think youâre dating Charles Leclerc. But itâs getting kind of sad now.â
You clench your fists in frustration as the group moves on. Why are they being so stubborn? You clearly know people here and have a real connection to Charles.
When you pass the aerodynamics lab, your mood lifts a bit. Your favorite team leader, Fabio, is there working on computational fluid dynamics simulations.
âY/N! So great to see you back here!â He greets you warmly and pulls you into a friendly hug.
You chat with him for a few minutes, explaining about the visit. As you say goodbye, he adds, âTell Charles I said hi when you see him this weekend!â
But Matteo just scoffs as you walk away. âLet me guess â heâs in on it too?â
You donât even bother responding this time, too irritated. Why should you have to convince your so-called friends of anything? You donât owe them proof when theyâre clearly set on ignoring it.
As the tour concludes, Livia pulls you aside, her expression serious.
âLook Y/N, weâre a bit worried about you. All these stories ... it just seems unhealthy. We think you should talk to someone,â she says gently.
You gape at her. âUnhealthy? Because I mentioned my boyfriend a few times on a trip to his workplace? You guys are unbelievable.â
Livia frowns. âCome on, itâs more than that and you know it. The jewelry, the car, the traveling ... itâs all an elaborate fantasy life. We just want whatâs best for you.â
You feel anger bubbling up inside you. Livia reaches for your arm but you jerk away.
âYou want whatâs best for me? Then start believing me! I love Charles and he loves me. I donât need therapy just because you refuse to accept the facts,â you snap.
Livia looks taken aback. You donât wait for her response, just turn on your heel and stalk away fuming.
You pull out your phone and call Charles, needing to vent. When he picks up, the sound of his voice instantly calms you.
Charles listens patiently as you recount the horrible field trip. âIâm so sorry theyâre being like this, ma belle,â he soothes. âBut you handled it well. Donât let them make you question yourself.â
You sigh. âI just wish they could see how happy you make me. I hate that our love seems so unbelievable.â
âItâs their loss for not seeing what we have,â Charles replies. âSoon everyone will realize that I only have eyes for you.â
You chat for a while longer, feeling reassured. Your friendsâ doubt used to make you sad but now it mostly just angers you.
You know the truth. This weekend when you fly to Monaco and fall asleep in Charlesâ arms, what Matteo and Livia think wonât matter one bit.
The only thing that matters is the love between you and Charles.
And one day, both of you will make sure the whole world knows that itâs as real as it gets.
***
Itâs Friday morning and youâre stuck in your Principles of Advanced Aerodynamics lecture, anxiously watching the clock.
The Italian Grand Prix weekend starts today but your professor refused to excuse you from class early. Which means youâre missing out on precious hours with Charles before free practice later today.
You resigned yourself to not seeing him until tonight when the classroom door bursts open.
And there stands Charles, looking unfairly handsome in a Ferrari branded polo and jeans.
âSorry to interrupt professor,â Charles flashes a charming grin. âBut Iâm going to need to steal Y/N away for the weekend.â
He shoots you a playful wink and your heart melts.
Your classmates erupt in excited whispers as they realize that the Charles Leclerc is standing in front of them. Your professorâs lips are moving but no discernible sound comes out.
The professor struggles to find words for a moment. âYouâre ... youâre Charles Leclerc!â He stammers.
Charles smiles humbly. âYes sir. And as Iâm sure you know, the free practice for the Italian Grand Prix starts today. Iâll need to have my good luck charm there with from the very start.â
He extends his hand to you.
You grab your bag, legs wobbling as you make your way to the front. Charles wraps a supportive arm around your waist.
âYou see professor, Y/N is my biggest supporter. My results improve dramatically when sheâs present. So surely any Ferrari fan would agree that she must be trackside all weekend?â Charles urges charmingly.
The professor nods mutely before seeming to find his voice again. âYes, of course! We certainly want the best results for Ferrari here at home. Y/N, youâre excused for the day. If you give me just a moment ...â He rummages through his bag with shaking hands and pulls out a Ferrari phone case.
âWould you mind?â He asks sheepishly.
âNot at all,â Charles smiles, taking the case and scrawling his signature across it with a provided permanent marker.
Your professor looks ready to faint. âThank you so much. Enjoy the race weekend. Forza Ferrari, sempre!â
Trying not to laugh, you quickly gather up the rest of your things. Your friends watch wide-eyed as Charles takes your hand.
âReady, mon amour?â He asks.
When you nod, he sweeps you into his arms and kisses you passionately in front of the entire class.
âI missed you,â he murmurs against your lips.
You cling to him, dizzy from the kiss. âNot as much as I missed you. I canât believe you came here just to pick me up.â
Charles caresses your cheek. âIâll always come for you. Now letâs get going to Monza. I want to show you how much I appreciated your good luck texts before practice.â
He keeps your hand clasped firmly in his as you make your way outside. When you glance back through the windows, your classmates are still staring after you in stunned disbelief.
Once youâre in the familiar 488 Pista, you finally let out the laugh youâve been suppressing. âDid you see the looks on everyoneâs faces? I thought Professor Mancini was actually going to faint.â
Charles grins. âI know dramatic gestures arenât usually my style but I wanted them to see once and for all that youâre mine.â
He lifts your intertwined hands to his lips. âNo more doubting our love after today. And I meant what I said â youâre my good luck charm, Y/N. Having you here this weekend means everything.â
You smile up at him softly. âIâm just happy I can be here to support you.â
He kisses you deeply, still parked outside of the Politecnico, not caring who sees. And you know without a doubt that this amazing man and your once-in-a-lifetime romance are completely real.
The rest of the day flies by in a blur of excitement. In between practice sessions, Charles takes any chance he can to steal moments alone with you in his driverâs room.
His tender kisses and whispered reminders of his love send your heart racing faster than an F1 car.
***
Itâs race day in Monza and youâre walking through the paddock hand-in-hand with Charles. His physio and press officer trail behind you both as Charles waves to the cheering Tifosi in the stands.
Suddenly, you hear voices calling your name.
You look over to see Matteo and Livia leaning over the fence, trying to get your attention.
âY/N! Weâre so sorry we didnât believe you!â Livia shouts.
âPlease come talk to us!â Yells Matteo. âWe feel awful about everything!â
You stop short, conflicting emotions swirling through you. Charles senses your hesitation and squeezes your hand supportively.
âWhat do you want to do, mon cĹur?â He asks. âI can try to get them paddock passes last minute if you want to talk.â
You bite your lip. Part of you wants them to witness first-hand the depth of your relationship with Charles. To show them just how wrong they were to mock and belittle your love.
But another part of you is still hurt by their stubborn refusal to believe you all this time. Do they really deserve VIP paddock access after the way they treated you?
âI donât know, Charles ... they were so patronizing about our relationship for so long. Iâm not sure they deserve the reward of paddock access after demeaning my feelings,â you reply.
Charles nods thoughtfully. âI understand. Itâs completely up to you, of course. But it could be nice for them to see up close just how real our love is. Watching us together will help it finally sink in.â
You feel a smile tugging at your lips. Charles does make an appealing case ...
âAlright, I canât say no to that adorable face,â you laugh and kiss his cheek. âBut maybe keep them waiting a bit first as payback!â
Charles grins mischievously. âI think that can be arranged.â He pulls you in for a passionate kiss, dipping you backwards dramatically.
The crowd erupts in cheers and whistles, a wild and beautiful sea of Rosso Corsa.
When you come up for air, you see your friends watching open-mouthed from the stands. Charles winks at them over your shoulder before leading you away, his arm curled firmly around your waist.
Several hours later, Matteo and Livia finally receive their paddock passes. They rush over to you right away, profusely apologizing again.
âSeeing you and Charles together in class was unbelievable, but this ...â Matteo trails off, darting around at the bustling paddock with wide eyes. âYou really are dating an F1 driver!â
You exchange an amused look with Charles. âYes, that is what Iâve been trying to tell you for many months now,â you laugh.
Livia hugs you tightly. âIâm so sorry for ever doubting you. But after today, weâll never question your relationship again.â
Charles wraps an arm around your shoulder. âI hope after witnessing our love up close, you will see there is nothing Y/N wouldnât do for me, just as I would do the same for her.â He gazes down at you tenderly and you feel your heart skip a beat.
You and Charles both laugh as your friends turn red. âWeâre really happy for you two,â mumbles Matteo. âHopefully we can all start over now.â
Charles smiles kindly. âOf course! Y/Nâs happiness is what matters most to me and I know how important her friends are to her.â
You feel yourself falling even more in love with this man and his endless patience and compassion.
The race keeps you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. When Charles takes the top step on the podium, you and your friends scream loudly enough to be heard in Milan.
That night at the celebration, Charles gives a sweet toast about how your love inspires him.
Matteo and Livia watch with tears in their eyes.
âWow, when you said your boyfriend was romantic, you really meant it,â Livia whispers.
âI told you, Charles is one-of-a-kind. Iâm so lucky to be his and to be loved by him.â
Charles comes over and pulls you into his arms, nuzzling your hair. âIâm the lucky one, mon ange.â
He stops and takes both of your hands, gazing into your eyes intently. âI never want you to doubt what we have, Y/N. You are everything to me. My whole world.â
Matteo shakes his head in wonder as he takes in the pure love clearly shining in both of your eyes. âWeâre so sorry we ever doubted that what you have is real. Seeing you together, itâs obvious your love is straight out of a fairytale.â
You grin up at Charles, your heart overflowing. With his kisses still lingering on your lips and surrounded by friends who finally believe, you feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Now everyone can see your love just as clearly as the two of you always have.
***
Today is the day youâve been working towards for years â your graduation from the Politecnico di Milano with your Laurea Magistrale in Aeronautical Engineering.
The auditorium is packed with proud families as you line up with your classmates, dressed in formal robes and caps. Charles insisted on coming, despite it being right before the start of a triple header. And having him here means the world to you.
When your name is called, you grin widely as Charlesâ cheers rise above the polite applause of the audience. He gives you a standing ovation, not caring that he is blocking everyoneâs view.
His pride and support brings happy tears to your eyes. You blow him a discreet kiss and see him pretend to catch it, pressing his hand to his heart.
After the ceremony ends, you rush straight into Charlesâ arms. He swings you around then kisses you deeply. âIâm so proud of you, mon amour! All of your hard work has paid off.â
You hug him tight, overwhelmed with emotions. âHaving you here today, supporting me every step ... itâs the best gift I could ask for.â
Charles strokes your hair tenderly. âI wouldnât have missed this for anything. But I do have one more surprise ...â
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope with the unmistakable Ferrari seal.
Handing it to you, Charles bounces excitedly on his toes. âGo on, open it!â
With shaking hands, you open the letter and read the words offering you a position as a Junior Aerodynamics Engineer with Scuderia Ferrari.
âCharles, what ... how ...â you stammer in shock.
He smiles widely. âEnrico Cardile was very impressed with the work you did during your internship as well as your thesis.â
You continue staring at the letter. âBut I donât want special treatment just because Iâm your girlfriend. I want to earn a position at Ferrari on my own merits,â you say uncertainly.
Charles grasps your hands. âMon ange, you know I would never influence the teamâs decisions. They want you because of your skills, not our relationship. I only asked if I could deliver the news as a graduation gift when I found out.â
You bite your lip. âItâs just ... I donât want anyone thinking that I didnât earn this.â
âListen to me,â Charles quickly gets serious. âYou are the most talented, driven, and intelligent person I know. Youâve worked relentlessly for this and Ferrari recognizes that. Please donât doubt for one second that you deserve this.â
His sincere words dissolve your concerns. Heâs right â you interned successfully with the team already. You can do this.
You throw your arms around him again. âThen I accept the offer! Iâm going to be a Formula 1 aerodynamicist!â
âYou will be incredible, Y/N. I canât wait to see you thriving there. Youâre going to change the world with that beautiful mind of yours.â
You cling to him, overwhelmed with emotions. âI couldnât have done any of this without your love and support. You gave me the strength to keep pursuing my dreams.â
Charles tips your forehead to his, eyes shining. âAnd you gave me the gift of true love. My life is so much richer with you in it.â
He kisses you until youâre both smiling too widely to continue. Taking his hand, you turn to look out at the gathered families, classmates, and professors mingling around.
Just months ago, no one believed your relationship with Charles was real. But here you stand, ready to take on the world together.
Your storybook romance has grown into an unshakable partnership.
As Charles squeezes your hand, you know that the next chapter of your lives will be even better. You canât wait to build your future with this amazing man â both on and off the track.
***
10 years later
You take a deep breath as you walk into the familiar lecture hall at the Politecnico di Milano. Looking out at the eager young students, you remember sitting in their place not so long ago. Back when you were just starting your engineering studies, never dreaming you would one day return as a guest lecturer.
Charles insisted on coming with you today and you scan the room until you spot him sitting inconspicuously in the back row, trying his hardest not to draw attention to himself. He gives you an encouraging thumbs up.
âGood morning, everyone. For those who donât know me, I am Y/N Leclerc â Head of Aero Development at Scuderia Ferrari and former student right here at Polimi.â
As you start your lecture on the aerodynamic theory behind Ferrariâs latest championship-winning car, you easily slip back into the familiar rhythms of university life.
Discussing complex simulations and wind tunnel testing with these eager minds reminds you of the days you were in their shoes.
You can hardly believe itâs been 10 years since you sat in this very room, never imagining the incredible journey ahead.
After joining Ferrari, you and Charles found ways to balance your personal and professional lives through compassion and communication.
Winning your first World Championship together was a euphoric blur of champagne and ecstatic team celebrations. Being the first female Director of Aerodynamics in Formula 1 was daunting but Charles never stopped believing in you.
When he got down on one knee after winning in Monza and asked you to be his wife, it was one of the happiest moments of your life. Planning a wedding while chasing championships was no easy feat but your passion for racing and each other kept you going.
Now, five championships later, youâve settled into a blissful rhythm as partners both on and off the track. There were tough times and painful losses but coming home to each otherâs arms helped erase the remnants of any bad day.
As you wrap up the lecture and open the floor to questions, a female student raises her hand. âAs a woman working in F1, whatâs the best advice you can give aspiring engineers like me?â
You smile, thinking back on your own self-doubts starting out. âDonât be afraid to take up space and make your voice heard,â you tell her. âFormula 1 needs more brilliant women like you. If you love the science and the cars, pursue this career fiercely no matter what anyone says.â
The student thanks you excitedly and you make a mental note to talk to Charles about establishing an engineering scholarship for female students.
After the lecture finishes, Charles comes up to greet you with a tender kiss. âYou were incredible up there. Iâm so proud to call you my wife.â
You kiss him back, still just as dizzyingly in love as that first date all those years ago. âI couldnât have done it without my biggest cheerleader here supporting me.â
As you walk hand-in-hand back to the car, you think about how far youâve come together.
A storybook romance, successful careers, and most importantly, an unbreakable partnership built on love and trust.
When Charles said your love would overcome any doubt, you never imagined how right he would be.
But now, as the Italian sunlight glints off your matching wedding bands, you know the best is still yet to come.
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for you i'd wait forever
pairing: bradley "rooster" bradshaw x reader
summary: bradley breaks things off with you before a deployment because he doesn't want you to worry about him (4.2k)
warnings: some swearing, bradley's commitment issues, happy ending i promise!
a/n: okay so from what i gathered from my googling is that tapping out is typically for new military graduates (i think?) but this idea was so cute so pls forgive the inaccuracies i have no idea what i'm doing at all <3 and also pls forgive me for the utter lack of writing since the beginning of the year, these last few months have been brutal (creatively and otherwise) but i am hopefully back!!! xx
Bradley thought he knew the tolls of being in the Navy. It was tough on not only him, but the people in his life. For the most part, heâd always put his career first. His life had always been on a set track, and although there were plenty of setbacks, he forged ahead until he got where he was today.Â
And then he met you. Fell in love with you. Finally knew what it meant to have someone in his corner who was just his. Who knew him for him only, not as Gooseâs kid, or Mavâs protege.
For the first time in his life, he could actually see himself spending the rest of it with you. Marriage, house, kids, grandkidsâthe whole shebang.
That was his first mistake. The more he thought about what life could look like with you, the more he thought about what your life could look like without him. What would happen if something happened to him and he didnât make it back from this next mission coming up in a few weeks.Â
He thought about his mom and how she lost his dadâher husband. The man she thought sheâd be spending the rest of her life with.Â
Bradleyâs thoughts grew quite grim after that. Countless what ifâs and thinking about every possible outcome and he eventually made up his mind. He had to break up with you.Â
He didnât want to. Not by a long shot. You were probably the best thing that ever happened to him in his thirty plus years of life. But deep down, he knew that it was the right thing to do. He was about to leave for six, seven months, with little to no contact with anyone who wasnât Navy. That would definitely take a toll on your relationship. Youâd never been through something like this before, and there really was no way to prepare you for what it would be like.Â
You would worry about him every single hour of every single day, he knew that for a fact. Bradley barely remembered what it was like when his dad was away because he was so young, but he did remember how worried his mom was all the time.
Looking back, he understood now. He didnât want that for you. The worry would hold you back from other things you wanted to do in life, things that brought you joy and gave you purpose.Â
With the mission creeping up on him faster than he wouldâve liked, he knew he had to do it sooner rather than later.Â
That was how Bradley found himself on your doorstep right now, pushing down his guilt by telling himself over and over that breaking up with you was in your best interest. He hadnât called beforehand to tell you he was coming by, so when you answered the door and beamed brighter than the stars when your eyes landed on him, he almost wanted to chicken out.Â
âHi!â You exclaimed, immediately pulling him into a warm hug. His arms closed around you out of instinct, thumb rubbing over the sliver of exposed skin at your waist, nose nudging its way against your neck the way he always did when you embraced him.Â
He inhaled the scent of the lotion you loved to use, that flowery one that sometimes made him sneeze. You always said youâd buy a different one the next time you went to the store, but you always forgot. He didnât mind it at all though. A small bout of allergies was nothing compared to the inevitable smattering of apology kisses you pressed to his face when you realized youâd forgotten.Â
Fuck, this was going to be way harder than he thought.Â
Your hands made their way up his biceps to cup his cheeks, eyes darting around his face. âWhatâre you doing here? Oh my god, did we have something planned? Iâm soââÂ
âNo.â He gave his head a shake, offering you a smile. âNo, we didnât have anything planned. I justâŚwanted to see you. To talk to you.âÂ
âCome in, come in, I was just about to start dinner,â You hummed, escaping his embrace with an arm hooked through his to tug him over the threshold. âTrying a new recipe I found the other day, not sure if itâll turn out good or end up being a shitshow, butâwell, you can help me be the judge of that, I guess!âÂ
âIs it okay if we talk first?âÂ
If you were confused, you didnât show it, just changed direction seamlessly, making your way to the couch instead of the kitchen. You sat down, patting the cushion next to you for him to settle on and he did, rubbing his clammy palms against his thighs.Â
âIs everything okay?âÂ
Everything was far from okay, he wanted to say. Instead he inhaled a deep breath before his next words.Â
âI wanted to tell you Iâm shipping out in a few weeks.âÂ
Your face fell a little, but you nodded thoughtfully. âOkay. What do we do? Is there anything you can tell me? Like, whatâs the best way to get in touch with you, whenâs the best time, that kind of stuff? Or is sending letters better? Sorry, I feel like Iâm asking a lot of questions. I donâtâIâve never really done anything like this before, soââÂ
âI think we should break up.â He blurted.Â
You hesitated before answering, blinking at him like youâd somehow heard him wrong. âWhat?âÂ
âItâs hard having someone overseas for a long time, even more so when itâs a partner. It was really hard on my mom, and hard for me having to watch her worry like that for months, and IâI donât want that for you.â He said quietly, not daring to meet your eyes until he gave his poor excuse for an explanation on why he was doing the one thing he swore he wouldnât do to you.Â
The moment heâd realized heâd fallen in love with you, heâd promised himself he would never abandon you, never break your heart or your trust, and here he was, doing that exact thing. It was tearing him apart inside.Â
âI donât want you to have to go through all that, so itâs just better if weâthat we break up now. Before I go.âÂ
âWhat are you doing?âÂ
âIâm sorry. Itâs for the best.âÂ
âWhy are you doing this?â Your voice broke just after the last word, swallowed up by a hitched inhale of a breath that had his resolve wavering just the slightest bit. He could barely look you in the eyes the whole time, and nowâŚhe didnât think he could stand the sadness and hurt flooding every single one of your beautiful features.Â
âAll the worrying and the uncertainty of not knowing whatâs happening, I donâtâit wouldnât be fair to you. I care about you too much to put you through all of that.âÂ
You were silent for the longest time, eyes glued to the floor as you processed the information. He thought you were about to start crying with the way your brow creased, but when you finally looked back up at him, your gaze had hardened. âDid these last six months mean nothing to you? Youâre just gonna throw everything away because whatâyou donât think I can handle it?âÂ
They meant everything to me, he wanted to say. You mean everything to me.Â
If he was really being honest with himself, it was him who couldnât handle it. Still, he forged on, thinking it best to just rip off the bandaid. He could live with being the asshole if it meant sparing you from the terrible experience of him being god knows how many miles away for months.Â
âIâm sorry. I wish you nothing but happiness, Y/N. You deserve better than anything I could ever give you.âÂ
âYou wish me nothing but happiness?â You chuckled humorlessly, shaking your head. Bradleyâs eyes tracked you across the room as you paced back and forth, guilt ridden expression on full display. All he wanted to do was take all of it back; to kiss you senseless and tell you everything was going to work out, but he couldnât. Heâd burned the bridge, cut the rope. Broke your heart. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world. He probably was. âScrew you, Bradley. I mean it.â
âIâm sorry.â He repeated, for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was all he could say.Â
âGet the fuck out of my house.âÂ
âY/N, IââÂ
You rushed at him, pushing, shoving, sending him stumbling step by step towards the front door until he almost crashed into it had he not managed to pull it open a split second before you shoved him outside. Heâd never forget the look of betrayal in your eyes right before you slammed the door in his face.Â
Bradley forced his feet to take him back to his car, then to drive away before he could have a chance to even try and make things better. Heâd most likely end up making things much, much worse. Though he didnât think it could get any worse with the way he was feeling about himself right now. You were angry at him, and you had every right to be.Â
But had he lingered at your door only moments after, he wouldâve heard the thump against the wood that was you sliding down to the floor and the sob that escaped your mouth.Â
All because of him.Â
-------
Bradley was happy to finally be coming back home after ages away, but then he realized itâhe didnât have anyone to tap him out this time. His mind jumped to you first, but there was no chance in hell youâd be there for him. Youâd probably moved on months ago. Forgotten about him. And with Mav away on another deployment, he really had no one.Â
His chest ached the longer he stood at attention, jaw clenched tighter than he meant it to be as he watched the rest of his squad get tapped out by their loved ones. Coyoteâs parents, Fanboyâs sisters, Hangmanâs nieces and nephews, Phoenixâs girlfriend. They were all emotional reunions, and Bradley was happy for them, he really was. But it sucked being the one with nobody there for him.Â
He wasnât expecting the soft tap on his arm when it came. He thought it was a mistake at first; someone elseâs family bumping into him accidentally, so he didnât move. But when the hand didnât leave its place wrapped loosely around his bicep, Bradley knew it really was for him. He turned around, squinting against the blinding sunlight to see whoâd come for him.Â
âHi.â You said softly, hand dropping back down to your side. He couldnât help but let himself take you in, eyes drinking in every single achingly familiar detail of you until you shifted nervously under his intense gaze. You looked so beautiful he almost felt dizzy, just like he remembered but at the same time somehow even better.Â
âYou came.â He said, disbelieving. He could still hardly believe you were actually here.Â
âI promised you I would.âÂ
âBut thatâthat was beforeâŚeverything happened. Why are youâwhatâre you doing here?â The last thing he wanted to sound like was ungrateful, because he was quite literally the opposite, but his mind just couldnât wrap around the fact that despite him breaking your heart seven months ago, you still remembered what youâd promised him in the very beginning of your relationship.Â
âWhat does it mean to tap someone out?â You asked quietly, tracing a finger along the planes of Bradleyâs bare chest. Your legs were tangled under the covers, both of you still basking in the aftermath of getting reacquainted with each other again after Bradley had been out of town attending a weeklong training exercise.Â
His skin was still damp with sweat, but you didnât mind one bit, too busy exploring the expanse of muscle shifting under his bronzed skin again. âIn military terms, I mean.âÂ
He chuckled, hiding a content smile into the hair at the crown of your head. âThatâs a weird question.âÂ
âHumor me, Bradshaw.âÂ
âYes maâam.â Bradley stroked a rough palm down the smooth skin of your arm, taking a few beats to come up with an answer that would make sense. âTapping out is a super long standing tradition in pretty much all military units, I think. It comes at the end of a mission, when weâve come back to base.âÂ
His arm repositioned itself under your head as he scooted closer to the warmth radiating from your body, nose nuzzling deeper against you just so he could engrain the smell of your lingering fruity scented shampoo into his memory forever.Â
How you still smelled so good even after yourâŚphysical activities just before this was beyond him, but he loved it.Â
âAn aviatorâs loved ones are usually the ones to do it. Friends, family, those kinds of people. When you tap out your aviator, literally youâre releasing them from formation. But I guess itâs kind of a gesture that meansâŚyouâre home.âÂ
Your wandering fingers stilled against his skin, lingering right above his heart. âCan I ask you something?âÂ
âGo for it.âÂ
âWho usually taps you out?âÂ
Bradley remained silent. It was an innocent question, he knew that. Heâd told you a little bit about his parents, and you were just curious. Still, it sent a pang of sadness through his chest whenever he thought about what it wouldâve been like if they were still around today.Â
He cleared his throat, sniffing once. âUsually Mav. Or sometimes one of my squadâs family. If no one can, I just gotta wait til everyone else is done.âÂ
âI wanna do it.â
âWhat?âÂ
âIâm gonna be there next time you come back from a mission. To tap you out.âÂ
âI appreciate it, honey, I do. But you donât need to.âÂ
âI want to.â You said firmly, pulling away from him to prop yourself up on your elbow and look him in the eye. You looked damn serious too. He raised a quizzical brow. âYou said that to tap someone out means to tell them theyâre home. I want to be the one to tell you youâre home. Here. With me.âÂ
Bradley opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then snapped shut when no words came out. He really was at a loss for words. No one had ever done that before. Sure, Mavâs offer was always a good one to fall back on, but Bradley had never had someone he cared about as much as he did about you telling him they were going to be there for him.Â
The next best thing he could think of instead of saying anything at all was to kiss you. So he did.Â
He pushed himself up towards you, sliding a hand around the nape of your neck and pressing his lips against yours. Not bruisingly hard, but enough to let you know he was all in. The other hand curled around your shoulder, splaying across your back to bring you back in closer to him, until your chests were flush and you could feel his heartbeat thundering under your palm.
He was home. You were his home.Â
âI told you Iâd be here to tap you out, and I meant it.â You said simply, holding his gaze. âI keep my promises, Bradshaw. Even after the way you left things.âÂ
Red hot guilt crept its way through his chest like vines, bringing all the memories of the last time you saw each other right back up to the surface, even after how hard heâd tried to shove them all down. If there was one thing he regretted in life, it was how he left you that night. He didnât think heâd ever forgive himself for that one.Â
âI donât even know what to say, Y/N, IââÂ
âThen let me say something.â You blurted, wringing your hands. Bradley nodded instantly, still too dumbfounded to reply. âIâve been thinking about what I wanted to say to you today for months. I donât even know if I should.âÂ
âYou should.â He encouraged, nodding quickly. Heâd always wanted you to be able to speak your mind with him. âDonât hold back. Let me hear it.âÂ
âOkay. Okay, well first of all, youâre an asshole, Bradley.âÂ
He nodded again. He deserved at least that much. âI am. Absolute asshole, I know.âÂ
âBut I never stopped loving you. Even though I was angry and sad and confused as fuck as to why you would do that to me, I still loved you. And eventually, I realized that it wasnât anything I did wrong. You were scared. Of losing me, of me losing you. So you decided it was your responsibility to pull the ripcord before you crashed and burned.â Bradley winced slightly at the comparison and you grimaced at your own poor choice in words. âIâsorry, I didnât mean it like that.âÂ
âItâs okay. Youâre right. You didnât deserve that.âÂ
âYou said you didnât want me to worry while you were gone, well, I did that anyways.â You chuckled, like you were remembering a fond memory instead of the constant state of anxiety youâd been in. âBut instead of worrying that the man I love might not make it home, I was terrified that if you didnât come home, Iâd spend my whole life replaying our last conversation in my head. Wondering if there was something I couldâve said or done so you wouldnât have given up on us so easily.âÂ
âYou think that was easy for me? Sweetheart, walking away from you was one of the hardest things Iâve had to do in my whole life.âÂ
âSure seemed pretty easy.â You scoffed lightly, only a tad spiteful. A low blow, you realized, when Bradley stiffened for a split second, but you held steady.Â
âIt wasnât.â His reply was immediate and firm as could be, but somehow, that didnât make you feel any better. âYou have to understand, breaking things off was the last thing I wanted to do. But I couldnâtâI thought that if I didnât, youâd wait for me.âÂ
âI wouldâve waited, Bradley! I did wait for you! For you, I'd wait forever because I love you, but you didnât even give me that choice. You made the decision on your own instead of talking to me about it. That was what hurt the most.â Â
âIâm sorry.â Bradley said quietly, reaching out to take your hand. His fingers laced through yours almost tentatively, feeling so familiar but so foreign at the same time. There was a point in your life where you never thought that concept would apply to Bradley. âI never shouldâve left like that, I wish I could take it all back.âÂ
âI think I understand now why you did it. I understand that fear that comes with the experience of losing a loved one like that. But Bradley, youâre not responsible for my feelings. And I donât care how scared you get, Iâm not going anywhere. From now on, we work things out together, no matter what you think is best.âÂ
âFrom now on? Does that meanâŚ?âÂ
âYouâre my home, Bradley Bradshaw.â
Bradley took your face in his hands and he kissed you, long and hard, pouring every ounce of pent up feelings heâd been bottling up for the past seven months into it. Pain, fear, love, hopeâall of it. You were never one to believe in such emotion being able to convey itself through a simple physical action, but now you could honestly say you understood it.Â
Your hands spread across the broadness of his back, fingers pressing into the crisp starch of his uniform like you were afraid of letting him go , even though he was home and everything was okay now. Losing him the first time made you angry. You didnât even want to imagine possibly losing him a second time.Â
He drew back, only far enough to press his lips to your forehead, hands still holding you close as could be. âThank you for coming.â
âI donât make a habit of breaking my promises.âÂ
âCâmon, I wanna introduce you to the squad.â He said softly, lacing his fingers through yours. The way he all but bounded over to the group of aviators a little ways away was almost boyish, as was the excitement in his voice when he approached them. âHey everyone, thereâs someone I want you to meet.â Bradley announced, sliding a hand around to the small of your back.Â
Everyoneâs eyes turned on you, conversations petering to a gradual stop as they looked between you and Bradley. You shifted nervously, suddenly feeling unsure with all the attention on you, but Bradleyâs thumb rubbed along your skin, soothing you just a bit. âThis is Y/N. My girlfriend.âÂ
The tall blond reacted the quickest, snapping loudly before aiming a finger in your direction, along with a shiny smile. âWait, I know you! Youâre the one in that photo Rooster keeps tucked in his helmet. Lemme tell you, he looked at that picture every damn day, it was likeââÂ
Bradley let out a very forced laugh, aiming a not-so-subtle daggered glare at the other man. âOkay, Hangman! Thatâs okay, I really donât thinkââÂ
âYouâre a real saint, taking this one back. If I ever pulled the shit he did, my car wouldâve been keyed to all hell when I came home.â Hangman chuckled, giving his head a shake.Â
âHangman. Shut. Up.âÂ
âDonât tell me to shut up, you shut up!âÂ
âYouâre the only one talking!âÂ
âAlright, alright, youâre both grown men here,â The dark haired woman sighed, turning towards you. âAt least, I hope so.âÂ
You chuckled at that, casting a glance over at Bradley to find him already looking back at you, the back and forth with Hangman already long forgotten given the way he was smiling at you, like you were the force that made the world go round. Taking you in under his arm, he dotted a kiss to your hairline as your fingers came up to intertwine with his again, watching you interact with his squad like youâd known them for years.Â
It was everything he ever wanted. And now that he had it, heâd never be dumb enough to let it go again.Â
His mind drifted back to his parentsâ fateâ how they never got to live out their life together. How there was no guarantee about anything when it came to Bradleyâs own fate with you.
And sure, it was scary to be so uncertain about the future, but youâd both climb that hill together when the time came. For now, Bradley could let himself be content. This second chance at a life with you wasnât one he was planning on taking lightly, not by a long shot.Â
âLetâs get off this damn carrier and hit the town! Drinks at the Hard Deck, last one there buys the first round!â Hangmanâs drawling voice drew Bradley out of his thoughts, just in time to let the words sink in.
You, on the other hand, stifled a giggle at the sight of seeing a group of full grown adults scatter as fast as Bradleyâs friends did. Watching Hangman nearly shove Coyote to the ground upon seeing their cars were parked next to each other was something youâd never not get a kick out of.Â
But Bradley, he didnât seem as worried about it all. In fact, he walked leisurely with your hand firmly in his, swinging both of them between the two of you as you made your way to your own car.Â
âArenât you worried youâll be the last one there?âÂ
âIâll buy the round, I donât care.â He shrugged. âI wanna spend some time with my girl.âÂ
âYour girl.â You hummed, giving his hand a squeeze. âGotta say, Iâve missed hearing that.âÂ
âIâve missed saying it. Weâve got a lot to catch up on, honey. Starting with, do you or do you not have a voodoo doll made in my image that you stabbed with pins when I was away because I broke your heart?âÂ
You scoffed, letting out a not so attractive snort. âBradley, I mean this in the most respectful way possibleâwhat the hell are you talking about? Where would you even get that idea?â
âIâuh, I had a dream about it? A few weeks into deployment.â He admitted sheepishly, cheeks burning red in embarrassment. You pressed your lips together, trying not to laugh. âYou donât, right?âÂ
âDonât be ridiculous.â You replied, giving his chest a firm pat. You didnât have a voodoo doll of him, of course, but playing along was worth it just to see Bradley squirm.Â
âWait, wait, wait, but you didnât say no.âÂ
âI didnât.âÂ
âSo you do?âÂ
âI didnât say that either. But if youâre not sure, Iâd watch yourself the next couple weeks.âÂ
His brows furrowed in confusion and a bit of fear as he watched you walk away from him with some bounce to your step. âIâŚreally donât like the sound of that. Hang on, get back here. Explain, please!âÂ
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Untitled - Han
Paring: !childhood friends to lovers! , perv!han jisung x afab! reader
Genre: Â idol! Au, smut
Synopsis: You finally reunited with your childhood best friend after 10 years! But, you didnât notice how much he changed since you last saw each otherâŚ
Warnings: smut, rough sex, dub/non-con, somno, dirty talk, teasing, kissing, fingering, groping, use of sex toys, voyeurism, manhandling, overstimulation, unprotected sexÂ
Word Count: 2.5k words
A/n: This was requested by someone a long time ago and I decided to post it now. This does contain CNC (aka consensual non consent) & if thatâs something youâre not comfortable with please DONâT READ THIS!!!
One late night, you and Jisung were in a convenience store. He was up late in the studio working on a song with Chan. On his way home, he thought he should stop by and grab some food. You so happened to be there wanting the same thing. The aisles were really small and you had barely any room to walk around. You accidentally bump into him and he looks at you with a confused look.Â
Then it hit him.
You both used to be childhood friends and practically grew up with each other. You were also neighbors at one point and used to hang out all the time. Sadly at the beginning of high school, you had to move away. You both lost contact with each other and havenât spoken since then.Â
âHey, do you remember me? Han Jisung? We used to be neighbors and would hang out all the time.â
In that moment all the memories you shared with him came back. You were shocked, to say the least. Who wouldâve thought you would reunite with Jisung in a convenience store of all places?
âOH MY GOD YES! I do remember you, Jising how have you been?â
He was so relieved that you remembered him. It's been over 10 years since you last saw each other. Even after all this time, he can still recall your beautiful smile.
âIâve been good and I took your advice and focused on music! I am now a part of an Idol group. Thank you for always motivating me to become an Idol.â
âAww of course! I still canât believe you remember me telling you to go for it. That was such a long time ago. I was just a kid and would just be saying whatever really.â
"Well, how could I forget someone like you? You were my best friend - I was too shy to talk to anyone else."
Both of you shared a laugh. Jisung usually stuck to his close friends and found it difficult to make new ones. As he mentioned, you were his only true best friend.
âWell, I knew you would love pursuing a music career! I recently moved back here for school!â
âĄâĄâĄâĄ
From that point on you and Jisung talked the whole night, he even walked you home. You exchanged numbers and would hang out when you both could. One thing led to another and he asked you officially on a date. You both knew you had feelings for each other.Â
You and Jisung got into a relationship not too long ago after that. Itâs only been about 5 months and still very fresh and new. Sadly, after dating for 2 months, he had to go on a tour with all the members. So the majority of your relationship was long-distance. You still were learning so much about each other at this point.Â
However, people can change in the span of 10 years. Although Jisung was still the same kind-hearted and witty guy, you knew something was different about him.Â
Jisung became such a pervert for you and you didnât even know it.Â
It only took you guys reconnecting recently to realize how obsessed he was with you. Before you started dating, he would sometimes come over to your apartment late as a surprise. Given how often he was at your place, you had given him a spare key.Â
One night he left the studio early and went straight to your place because he missed your company. He entered your apartment and kept calling out your name. He was confused when he didnât hear you give a response back. He saw that your bedroom was opened a little bit and you were moaning out loud. He was taken aback by what he was seeing right now. He always would think of you in a sexual light but this was too much for him.Â
Your legs were spread open as you used your dildo. You let your imagination go wild and imagine Jisung was the one pounding into you. You were so horny you even moaned out his name.
He felt so hard after seeing all the things you were doing to yourself. He also felt really bad because he knew he was not even supposed to be here right now. He just wanted to watch a movie with you like he always does before he goes home. Jisung always loved watching movies with you, especially the cheesy romance movies. You would both make fun of the actors and how bad their acting was.
Instead, he was outside of your room stroking his cock to your moans.Â
He was imagining that he was making you feel this good. He tried to not make a noise so you didnât suspect anything. It wouldnât even matter anyway because you were too busy in your own world fucking yourself to the thought of him. He eventually came at the same time that you did.Â
Jisung realized how perverted he was jerking himself outside of your room without you even knowing. He quickly cleaned up himself and left your place before you noticed. He never told you about that night.
There are a lot of things he doesnât tell you.
Sometimes you would send him some scandalous photos of yourself to see if you look good. You would ask him so you can get a guy's perspective on it.Â
However, he would secretly save them on his phone and beat off to them later. He always tells himself he will delete them and will never do it again. Yet, every time he is horny, he keeps on going back to those photos in his folder of you and gains so much gratification from it.
He was so obsessed with you that every little thing you did would turn him on. The way you put him in a trance from just your moans alone was insane. All he can think about is the first time he caught you getting off to him.Â
Now ever since you have been dating, you guys see each other less since he recently went on tour. All these nights you guys would spend without each other was so hard for him. It was so bad to the point that he would sometimes hide in the hotel bathroom and jerk off to your pics and videos he still had saved of you.Â
This was so embarrassing for him and he already felt like shit doing all this behind your back. But, he was too far gone give a fuck about it now. He always thinks about how disgusted youâd probably feel if you ever found out about his secret collection of you.Â
He just misses being with you in person instead of calling on FaceTime. It was getting frustrating for him and all he wanted to do is fuck you.Â
However, tonight was his last straw and he couldnât take it anymore. He has been back from touring for about a week now. He took some time to recover before seeing you. He knows the moment he sees you it's going to be over for him.
Unfortunately, he had to be in the studio tonight with Chan and Changbin making some new music. It really sucked because today you and him were supposed to hang out after he was done working. But at the last minute, Chan told him he needed his help on this song he was thinking of making. The whole time Han was thinking about your moans from all the times he would touch himself to you.
He kept on getting distracted and barely gave any help to Chan and Changbin.
âHey Jisung, are you okay? Youâre normally not this quiet.â Chan said.
Jisung knew that he wasnât ok.
All he wanted to do was go to your apartment and fuck the shit out of you. He has been pent up for too long now. You and him only had sex a handful of times and you have been without each other for 3 months.
âYeah, I'm just a little distracted right now. Sorry, but I donât think Iâll be much help tonight.â
âHey, itâs ok! I know how tired you may feel after the tour so you can go home tonight. Have a good night!â
Jisung nodded his head and quickly left the studio. There was only one thing on his mind right now.
You.
He went straight to your place and opened the door with his key. He noticed you were asleep, lying on your side. Under the covers, you had your vibrator in your hands, and you were passed out on the bed.
That alone made him so hard. The thought of you using it and moaning out his name is driving him crazy.Â
He started taking off his clothes leaving himself in just his boxers. He gets into bed with you, wrapping his arms around you. You were barely awake but you leaned back against him not even realizing he was there with you.Â
He started grinding against you and became hard for you. He couldnât hold back and started grunting out loud. At this point, you started to wake up. You felt afraid as the room was dark, making it hard for you to realize that it was Jisung. In your drowsy state, you half-awake, you thought he was an intruder.
You start to panic.
âHey, who is there? Get the fuck off of me-â
You started hearing a buzzing sound.Â
It was your vibrator and he started to push it against your clit to try and make you stop talking.
âShh sweetie itâs me. I am sorry you just got me soo fucking hard and I canât take it anymore.â
You were in a state of shock and disbelief. You have never seen Jisung like this before.
âMhmm I know youâre but I already came and I am too tired to do it again. Canât we just do it in the morning?â
If only it was that simple.
Jisung's patience was running thin and he decided to not hold back anymore.
He covered your mouth and whispered in your ear and saidÂ
âIâm sorry baby, but tonight I am going to take what I want. And right now I need you to just let me fuck you.â
At this point, you were squirming around and yelling at him to stop it. You really werenât in the mood for all this. He kept getting agitated and started putting his hand around your neck and began choking you. As he did that he started marking you and biting your neck and shoulders. With his other hand, he started to pump into his cock and get off to your cries and whimpers.Â
âYou're squirming so much for me baby and I think it's so cute. The more you struggle, the harder youâre gonna get me"
You couldnât believe what Jisung was saying to you right now. Your perception of him completely changed now. You thought he was sweet-hearted and nice and not such a creep and pervert.Â
He couldnât take it anymore and started lowering his boxers and took out his cock.Â
You can already feel the precum that was escaping him and how needy he was for you. He started slowly pushing it in you. You gasped out so loud even though he was covering your mouth.Â
You forgot how big he was.
He also put his hands under your shirt and held onto them as he started pounding up into you. He also had the vibrator on your clit too. He started leaving hickeys all over your neck. He didnât care what he was doing at this point he was marking where he felt like it.Â
You were still whining and crying from how hard he is fucking you and the vibrator on your clit wasnât making it any better.Â
âStop making so much noise sweetie, I already feel bad as is.â
You started crying at this point because all you want for him is to stop but he just keeps on going. He says such sinful stuff in your ear that you donât even know how to feel at this point.
He started laughing at you crying from his dick,
âAww baby, are you crying from how hard Iâm fucking you? Youâre so pathetic canât even take a couple of hard strokes.â
You didnât know why but for some reason when he said that you started to tighten up around him. That alone made you feel wetter.Â
He noticed it.
âMhmm look at you becoming such a good girl for me. I knew deep down you secretly wanted this.â
You kept shaking your head, displaying that you were against this.
That just made him more hard and started fuck you harder and harder. You started to become so dizzy from all this stimulation.Â
Jisung was at his breaking point.
 All this overstimulation started to become overwhelming for you. You wondered why he wasn't pulling out, as he usually does when you both are close. However, this time, he continues without stopping, still thrusting into you.
â I am sorry but tonight, I have to finish inside you. I have been waiting for 3 fucking months. So how about you be good to me and take what I give you ok darling?â
At this point, you couldnât take it anymore.Â
He took his hand off your mouth as you both came at the same time. You didnât give a fuck at this point you were practically screaming out his name as he pumps his load into you. Both your moans were so loud you wouldnât be shocked if your neighbors heard you.Â
Jisung fell back beside you and pulled you into him. He put you on his chest and wrapped his arms around you. He started kissing you all over and said
âSweetie, Iâm sorry for the way I acted out tonight. I just missed being with you these past 3 months. Especially being inside of you. Fuck I missed that soo much and having you moan out my name.â
You nuzzled into his chest and said âYeah it's okay and I missed you so much too. Next time just tell me whenever you're in the mood. Tonight you really scared me. I hope you donât act like this again.â
âFine, Iâll never act out like that ever again and I am truly sorry if I hurt you.â
However, you both knew that wasnât true and he would always come to take what he wantsâŚ
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Already over.
Main Steven Grant x F! reader. ( + Marc Spector x F! Reader)
Part 2. Sleepwalking.
Warnings & tags. ANGTS!! Cheating kinda but not really?, hurt, and all of thaaaat.
Word count. 3.4k
Summary.
We been talking for hours
About how we shouldn't talk for hours on end.
Kissing after a conversation
About how we'd probably be better off as friends.
Same time here next weekend
Say, "We won't do this again"
Make me fall where I stand
Only like you can.
It had been a while since Steven and you had accepted your positions in Marc's life. Both of you were external parts of something larger, like small protrusions on a road that led nowhere.
You decided to understand it when you realized the burden Marc had to carry. Khonshu had taken hold of his psyche and shattered it as he pleased, although he was aware of his dissociative identity disorder, he had started to lose control a long time ago and this resulted in Steven finding out in the worst possible way. It was as if life itself had decided to break him in every possible way.
Hadn't he suffered enough already? Steven and you weren't going to take away the last thing he had.
The love of his life. Layla El-Faouly.
You envied her in different ways. Living a life of adventures with the man of your dreams sounded like something out of a book. She was a strong woman and the first in Marc's life, and therefore also in Steven's, but if there was something that broke your heart in half, it was knowing that she was happy with him.
It would be a lie to say that you weren't happy with Steven. He gave you all of himself and loved you in a way he never tried to hide. But for years now, you had been the one picking up the pieces of two broken people and putting them back together. And then, there was Layla, who didn't even know about the existence of her husband's alter ego, enjoying the best part.
The carefree part that stood above all the atrocities of daily life, simply having a nice date or the official title of his wife, with a ring and legal documents.
"Do you miss working at the museum?" Steven's fingers traced your waistline, occasionally pausing to press on the moles peeking beneath the fabric of your short shirt.
"You have no idea how much." You could never tell him how much you appreciated that he didn't lie to you. You knew he comforted Marc by telling him that life was perfect just the way it was.
You were face to face. You admired Steven's face in front of you.
Anyone would think that once the issue of his fake sleep disorder was cleared up, he would look less tired. Although there were still hundreds of nocturnal missions, and Khonshu destroyed the mercenary's body until an exhaustion beyond description, now Steven could sleep a few more hours, the ones where he used to force himself to read until the letters danced before him.
Nothing had changed at all. In fact, you could swear that the dark circles under his eyes were becoming more noticeable.
"I love you, Steven." You said suddenly, resting a hand on his cheek. His skin had always been so soft and delightfully warm.
You brought a smile to his face, the one that momentarily makes you forget that both of you feel that time is running out.
The one that makes you forget the slight resentment you have towards Marc.
"I love youâŚ" He whispered before leaning forward, just enough to brush his lips against yours, a gentle touch as his hand rested on your waist, and his thumb traced circles on your bare skin.
He wasn't lying; Steven never lied.
You spent the rest of the afternoon kissing and chatting about what had happened during the week you couldn't see each other. You asked about Layla as you always did, he shrugged, and you wondered if he felt the same resentment towards her that you felt towards Marc.
"The idea of vegan hot wings is stupid," you laughed as you bit into the vegetable in your hand, the one that was trying to deceive you and pass for something else.
"The sauce tastes good!" Steven laughed with you, playfully pushing you with his shoulder. To hell with sitting face to face in restaurants; if your bodies weren't close enough, neither of you were comfortable.
"It's a fraud."
"It's delicious." Seeing you take another bite was enough to feel that he was right without you explicitly saying it.
"Do you want to come to my apartment later?" You sucked your thumb to clean the sauce from it. "Yesterday, I accidentally stumbled upon a garage sale and bought the dumbest movie I've ever seen, I got it for us. It's called Rubber, and it's about a homicidal car tire."
Under any other circumstances, Steven would have laughed with you, but he gave you that look that you already knew too well.
"I'm sorry, love." Suddenly, the fake wings didn't look so appetizing. "Marc is feeling better."
Ah. That.
That was the signal that he would be spending the night with Layla.
"That's fine." You nodded immediately, and you also felt disgusted with the food in your hand.
How much longer could you go on like this?
After a few seconds of silence, you cleared your throat. You had some time to come up with a change of conversation.
"What happened to your hand?" Your index finger touched Steven's injured knuckles.
"Marc didn't keep the suit on long enough; the larger wounds healed, but the rest didn't." He never lied, although this might be the exception. A minor injury to prevent a bigger one; he wouldn't ruin his life over a trivial matter.
You nodded slowly, planted a kiss on his shoulder, and continued with your attempt at a date, which was going perfectly until you remembered where you were standing.
The truth was that the night before, Steven had had a fight with Marc, one of those that hadn't happened since they threatened not to switch bodies back to each other.
"Are you two together, Steven?" He was about to explode, about to go crazy. This was the last thing he needed right now, adding more lies and involving more people.
"I already told you, no!" Ever since you considered the possibility that Marc might find out, you had decided that if it was a panic situation, you would opt for the most efficient plan: Deny, deny, deny, deny.
"Don't lie to me, not to me!" He never yelled; he was the calculating, quiet, and careful type, but even he had a breaking point, and if Steven was going to shout, then he would too. "Do you think I'm stupid, Steven?"
It's funny because he hadn't had any doubts until a few weeks ago, so maybe he was a bit stupid, but he wouldn't say it out loud.
"No, no, butâŚ"
"But?"
"We're not together, Marc; she's my best friend." The second part was at least not a lie. He exhaled heavily and mentally thanked for being in front because dealing with anger, panic, and fear without having control over your body was a nightmare he had experienced before.
Why did he ever buy so many mirrors? Marc's accusing gaze followed him around the apartment.
"And you like her," Steven completed, another thing that wasn't a lie.
"If I lose Layla because of you two, I swear I'llâŚ"
Adrenaline rushed through him; he lost control of his hand, which ended up against one of the mirrors, breaking it into a thousand pieces. "Marc!"
The other didn't say anything, he watched from the reflection of some glass pieces as Steven's hand now bled, and tears filled his eyes. His body was used to large doses of pain, but emotionally, he wasn't used to seeing himself bleed or handling loud noises well.
"We. Are. Not. Together." It was the last thing he said as he stretched his fingers and watched the blood flow between them.
Marc was no longer in the reflection. He didn't want to object.
"Will I see you the day after tomorrow?" You could still see him tomorrow, but the idea of him coming to your place smelling of Layla's citrusy perfume always disgusted you. It was as if an extra day would be enough to erase any traces of her from his body.
"The day after tomorrow, without fail." Steven knew; he didn't question you. He placed a kiss on your forehead.
"I love you, Steven."
"I love you, sweetheart."
Receiving calls or visits at midnight was always terrifying, especially when you knew your partner was constantly at risk, and this time was no exception.
The strong knocks on the door woke you up, and knowing it could be no one else but him, you opened the door without hesitation. Clad only in Steven's shirt that barely covered your thighs, with messy hair and half-closed eyes because the hallway light bothered you in the darkness.
Marc's tearful eyes met yours, along with the strong aroma of whiskey that Steven had told you about before, the one that stung his nose.
"Are you okay?" It was the first thing you said as he analyzed you from head to toe. He hated you, hated that you looked so good in the middle of the night, and hated that he felt a sense of ownership just from seeing you in a shirt that was originally his.
He didn't answer, he walked straight into your apartment, and you could only step aside to let him pass.
The way he walked past the sofas to sit on the floor was frightening; you had spent time with Marc during bad moments, but you had never seen him like this. You didn't say anything, didn't press, you just walked behind him and sat down beside him on the cold floor.
Your mere presence was enough for his eyes to fill with tears again.
"I didn't know where to go," he whispered, breaking your heart into a thousand pieces with just a few words.
"Oh, Marc." You knelt beside him to have better access to his body, and within seconds, you had your arms wrapped around him, holding him close. "I'm here, calm down."
You didn't get more words from him for a while, just sobs and those annoying chest contractions you get when you try to breathe through crying. You could even feel the fabric of your shirt damp at the shoulder level from his tears.
"I'm scared." His voice was broken, trembling.
"I'm here." You repeated as you held him tighter.
He didn't have the strength to tell you. He was afraid of you. Afraid of the dreams where he saw himself with you, afraid of the way his heart raced the few times you crossed paths, afraid of losing Layla because of his feelings, and afraid of change.
He was terrified of the mere idea of his life changing completely again.
You played with his curls and stayed on your knees until they hurt, with him in your arms whimpering like a little kid.
"Let's go to bed, Marc." He didn't resist, and you led him by the hand.
Nor did he object when you helped him get rid of his clothes just so he could sleep a little better. He almost felt guilty about how comfortable he seemed to be in your bed.
You hugged him from behind, your two hands resting on his chest where you could feel the beating of his heart and the rise and fall of his breath. Your cheek enjoyed the warmth of his back.
When you woke up, there were no traces of Marc anymore.
"Meanwhile, Osiris' wife, Isis, searched tirelessly for his body and thenâŚ" The way you were looking at the ground while walking had caught Steven's attention for quite a while, but he didn't confirm his suspicions until he noticed you weren't participating in his narration as you always used to do. "Lovey?"
"Huh?"
"You seem distracted today."
"I'm sorry, I, it's justâŚ" You cleared your throat while forcing a small smile on your face.
"Do you like it here?" He interrupted to finally point out an area in the park that seemed perfect for your plan. You immediately nodded with that fake smile, and both of you sat down carefully on the grass. You placed the book you had been carrying in one hand aside.
Steven handed you your ice cream and kept his own in the other hand.
"Can we talk?"
"Nothing good ever comes out of that, I've seen it in movies." Steven tried to joke, but hearing those words come out of your mouth made him sick to his stomach. Slowly, he rested his head on your lap.
Your hand, as if drawn by a magnet, went straight to his tousled curls. He closed his eyes and smiled; you had always compared that gesture to a puppy seeking more affection.
"We can't keep doing this to Marc, love." Your voice broke as you gave him those caresses he loved so much. "Nor to Layla, it's not fair to them."
Steven was looking at you again, with a terrified expression and a slight pout on his lips.
"And is it fair to us?" he snapped. Needless to say, both of you had long stopped paying attention to your sad ice creams; they were already melting into the grass.
"If Layla finds out, we'll ruin Marc's life." You tried to be the rational one between both of you, but with Steven's puppy eyes fixed on you, it was almost impossible to think clearly.
"And if we end⌠this, mine will be destroyed." Well, he had a point. "Please." His two hands went to your cheeks and pressed them gently, his forehead now resting against yours. "We can't. You can't." His lips claimed yours within seconds, and you could only respond as if life were slipping away.
Whom were you fooling? You were selfish enough to give in. After all, every night you created scenarios where Layla found out and left Marc, knowing that it would destroy him, but in your scenarios, you were there to comfort him, to prevent him from falling apart.
"I love you, Steven." You didn't get a response, but you didn't need to hear it; feeling the strength with which he held you was more than enough.
You were all he had, and he was all you had.
Life was better when you both pretended to have a life that wasn't yours. When you fantasized and made plans for a future you would both do anything to have.
"What do you think of that one?" You both looked like kids with your foreheads pressed against the glass that separated you from the kittens.
"They say the orange ones are crazy, lovey." The fact that Steven was just as interested as you in this fed your good mood entirely. "How about that one?"
"I like his or her fur." You pressed your index finger against the glass to try to get the attention of the kitty that was completely distracted playing with another.
"Love, love, love." He nudged you with his shoulder, making you laugh, so you looked at the opposite side, another part of the store.
You gasped.
"THAT ONE?" You had to cover your mouth when the tone of your voice caught the attention of other people in the place.
There was only one cat in the area reserved for senior cats. You knew it was harder for them to get adopted compared to the kittens, it was as if he was destined to be there.
"It's just a baby." You pouted slightly as you pulled Steven's hand, both walking straight towards the spot where the little cat was staring at you.
He was white, although half of his body was covered in black spots, reminiscent of a cow's fur. When you got closer, you noticed that the tip of one of his ears was missing.
Love at first sight.
"Hiya, mate." The guy next to you was as enchanted as you with the animal. "Uhm, what do you say?" He tilted his head towards the glass. The meow completed his performance. "Look how curious, he says he's looking for new parents."
You laughed, genuine happiness coursing through you. You didn't give Steven time to react before jumping into his arms; he lifted you a few inches off the ground in the middle of the hug.
You didn't care about drawing attention. In fact, having witnesses to your love made it feel more real, reminding you that it wasn't just a product of your imagination.
After he kissed your lips, you could feel the ground under your feet again. You couldn't stop smiling.
"Come on, let's fill out the form." Steven's heart was about to burst with love at any moment.
The instructions were clear: fill out the corresponding paperwork, a few days of socialization with the cat to make sure he felt comfortable with you, and by the following week, he would be yours.
"We'll come to see you, okay? And then we'll go home."
"See ya, buddy." Steven said his goodbye too. "Next week, you'll have the best home, the comfiest bed, and the best parents, I promise."
"What's wrong, Marc?" There was something scary about the idea of being alone with him without him being intoxicated or injured. You were taking off your scarf to leave it on a sofa while he watched you from his table, leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest.
It was impossible to read his expression because Marc always seemed tense.
"She knows."
Your heart sank in seconds, and you looked at him in surprise.
"Ah?"
"She knows," he repeated. You swallowed hard, and for a moment, you thought this was one of those silly dreams that sometimes distorted your reality.
"Knows what?"
"Please, don't treat me like I'm stupid." His tone of voice was enough to make you tremble. You immediately looked at the bathroom mirror.
Steven had told you that while one had control of the body, the other could be reflected in different surfaces, but of course, that only worked between them. No matter how much you looked, hoping that Steven would appear to save you, it didn't happen.
You didn't even know if he was aware of what Marc was doing.
"I don'tâŚ" Your voice died down slowly, and you refused to get closer to him. "What does she know?"
"About you." He took a step closer, and you felt immobilized. "She thinks you're my lover, like any sane person, she knows nothing about Steven."
You swallowed the lump in your throat as tears filled your eyes.
"You have to tell her, Marc, explain to her sheâŚ" He interrupted you in seconds; the way he raised his voice made you flinch.
"'She will understand?' Is that what you want to say?" He was getting closer, and you felt like he was taking your breath away. Why were you suddenly so afraid? "Yes, I'll tell her every damn thing that's wrong with me so that you can be happy."
Ouch.
"I-I'm saying it for you, Marc." Tears were already streaming down your face, and you mentally cursed yourself for the mere idea of showing so much weakness. "She has to know, it's best for you." And it was, of course, but you were resorting to your last resort to not lose Steven too.
And maybe, not lose Marc either.
"You don't know what's best for me, you have no idea." His sarcasm cut deep as he took the last step to confront you.
"Please, please, don't do this." You pleaded through sobs; your hands ended up on his cheeks. "Please." You pulled him closer to you.
He seemed to relax under your touch, at least for a few seconds. Your heart stopped when one of his hands rested on your waist.
"Don't make this harder, you're killing me." He was also begging, even as his forehead pressed against yours.
"We can get through this, Marc." You sniffed. "I promise, we canâŚ"
A kiss. A desperate and painful kiss silenced your words; it was the only one Marc and you would share.
"Go," he whispered against your lips, still planting small kisses on them. "Please, I beg you, go."
And that was the final nail to seal the coffin between you both.
His hand made you take a step back, a very gentle push.
"I'm choosing her." He knew you better than he'd like, knowing that you wouldn't stop insisting unless he caused you permanent harm. Besides, how could he convince himself he wasn't in love with you if he didn't do this?
You looked at him incredulously, not believing his act, but there was nothing else you could do.
This time, you begged that Steven was present to hear everything that had transpired between you both because you wouldn't have the strength to end it after this. In fact, you didn't even know if you'd have the strength to live without him.
You didn't say anything more, you didn't look back at him, and he didn't change his mind. You left his apartment, leaving your scarf on his sofa as a final reminder of your presence in his life.
sorry, i got tired of happy endings
Part 2. Sleepwalking.
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Cruel Summer (Thomas Shelby x Reader)
Summary: Y/N tries to move on after seeing Thomas with another woman. Thomas comes back after weeks wondering where Y/N went.
Based on this anon ask:
âHello! Can you please do Tommy is jealous that Y/N is moving on after having a crush on him for years but he was too focused on Grace? He realizes that he loves Y/n more than Grace after seeing her with another manâ
Word Count: 2718
TW: drinking, alcohol
(Sorry it took me sooo long! Hope you all enjoy!)
ââââââââââââ
Itâs been weeks since I slept after finding out that Tommy was with Grace. It shook my nervous system in ways I didnât expect it to. I shouldnât care as much as my heart actively does. I stopped going outside to water my plants. I stopped eating breakfast and lunch. The only thing I could hold down was tea. It took many days to feel like a person again. The night I caught them kissing at the derby my heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. I hadnât seen Tommy since that day, and I swore to myself that I wouldnât plan on it. I ran out of that stadium and never looked back.
Strangely enough as one door closed another began to open. Thomasâ brother John had knocked on the door to my townhome one early morning. I answered the door in my pajamas, with my hair messy and wild, sipping a cup of tea out of one hand. âJohn?â I asked him, looking ahead of him to see if anyone else was with him. He stood there with a perfectly dry-cleaned suit on and his hair slicked back.
âHave you seen Tommy around?â He questioned; his demeanor was so serious that it almost felt like an interrogation.
I turned furious in an instant. âYou really think Iâve seen him? I havenât been out in weeks. What makes you think heâd be with me?â I shouted.
âAye come off it. I didnât mean anything by it. Last time I saw he was off to the woods for some gypsy thing. No one's seen him sinceâŚare you okay Y/N?â John asked sincerely.
âIâll be fine Johnâ I mumbled, looking down at his shiny black leather shoes. I took another sip of tea before I felt Johnâs hand on my cheek, slowly lifting my head up with his thumb so out eyes would meet.
âI know yer notâ He sighed. I shook my head slowly and he rushed himself through the door, making his way into my kitchen. âYâknow Y/N if i had known any better I would have come by soonerâŚjust havenât seen you aroundâŚi thought youâd be coming by the betting shop any day nowâ He admitted.
âJohn, I barely make it out of my bed most days what makes you think Iâd even make it to the betting shop?â I hissed.
John smiled, then realized what i said and how severe it was. His demeanor changed into a melancholic look, and he walked over to me. âDonât tell me thatâ he said with his lips trembling. âWhy have you done this, Y/N what happened?â John questioned me.
I looked down at the floor and then back up at him. His brown eyes stared me down until something came out of my mouth. âI justâŚsaw him with herâ Tears started to form in my eyes.
âOh, fook me Y/N, him? You have feelings for him?â John asked. âYou deserve so much better than my sorry excuse of a brother. He may be my brother, but he has flaws Y/N. Flaws that you are nowhere nearâ He told the truth and I believed him for once. I always knew Tommy had big dark secrets. I just didnât know how bad they were and maybe that was for the best. âWeâre going out tonight. You and me, eh?â John insisted, holding my hand as he spoke. I smiled for the first time in a long time. I wasnât ready but with John i felt like i could take a leap. âPut a nice dress on, Iâll pick you up at 8â John said and kissed my cheek. I blushed involuntarily as I watched him walk out of my townhome confidently. He always had this charisma about him, all of the Shelby brothers did. It was effortless to them.
At around 6:30pm I started getting ready. I put on winged black liner on my eyes, and slipped on a tight black dress with lace trim.
At exactly 8pm just like he said, John arrived in front of my house to pick me up. I decided to walk out of my home and saw John get out of the car immediately. He raced up to the passenger door and opened it for me. âYou know I wouldâve knocked on your doorâ He stated.
âI figured, but I was impatientâ I smiled back at him.
âWell you look absolutely stunning tonightâ John complimented. I nodded in his direction and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.
âSo where are we going?â I asked him with a smile.
âYouâll see very soonâ John stated and shut the door once i got in. He drove us to a bar that i had never been to. We went in and he got us drinks right away. I sat quietly in a booth with him as we giggled about old times and drank beer to our hearts content. After a few hours John cursed out of nowhere. âFook me I forgot to pick up Arthur from the Garrison. Lindaâs gonna have my arseâ He groaned as he got up from the booth.
âI-Itâs okay John I can go with youâ I sighed. Maybe John was right. Maybe Tommy didnât dare show his face in this town anymore.
John nodded at me and went up to the bartender to pay his tab, then we went back to his car and drove to the Garrison. John turned the car off and turned his attention to me. âAre ye sure you want to come in?â He asked politely.
âIâll be fine Johnâ I placed my hand on his and gave him a small smile. He held my hand for a minute in return before letting go and getting out of the car. He walked to the passenger side and opened my door, letting me get out before he slammed the door shut. We walked into the Garrison with our hands intertwined and John yelled out for Arthur. He was drunk off of his face, sitting at the bar and laughing with a random man Iâve never seen before. And by the looks of Johns confused face, neither did he.
âAlright Arthur come with us. Donât wanna keep that Linda waiting do weâ John spoke, trying to coax Arthur out of his drunken state.
Arthur looked at John and back to his drink then guzzled his entire glass of dark liquor in one go. âIâm waiting for Tommy. He said heâd be backâ He slurred.
John groaned audibly, âArthur, Y/N and I are taking you home. Tommyâs not coming he-â
âHe whatâ Thomas spoke from the barâs entrance. My stomach turned and I no longer felt happy from all those drinks like I did a minute ago.
Thomas and I exchanged quick glances before his gaze went back to his brothers. John stood in shock for a moment but it quickly faded to anger. âYou donât get to just leave us without an explanation Tomâ He growled.
âI never left. Did I Arthur?â Thomas asked and walked up closer to the two brothers.
âAye. Heâs been out with his woman I reckonâ Arthur raised his empty glass in support but Thomas grew furious.
âNever said anything like that you drunken bastardâ Tommy growled.
âYou didnât have toâ John huffed and walked towards me. He motioned to go out the door and i nodded my head in agreement, taking his hand once more.
âWhere the hell are you two going?â Thomas roared from behind.
âWeâre leaving for the night. You enjoy Arthurâ John smiled before leaving the bar with me. I walked out of the garrison with John and felt myself crumbling. I walked the cobblestone street to get to his car and stopped.
âJohnâŚI need to go homeâ I croaked out.
âY/N Please tonight was supposed to-â He pleaded.
âJohn I need to go right nowâ I huffed, nearly running to the car at this point.
I made it to the car and opened the door myself, hopping in as fast as I could. John got in and slammed his driver side door, turning the car on angrily.
âI didnât want this to happenâ He sighed.
âWhat?â I asked grumpily.
âJust all of it. Fuckin Tomâ He growled.
âJust take me home, Johnâ I mumbled. Completely over seeing Thomas in person. I just wanted to climb into a hole and die.
The ride home was silent. Nothing but Johnâs breathing and cursing under his breath. It took us 15 minutes until I finally made it home. I made it home and rushed out of the car, slamming the door and storming into my townhouse after unlocking the door. I closed the door behind me and locked it, making sure no peaky ever got in.
I stepped into my kitchen and ran to the cupboard beside my refrigerator. I opened it and took out the bottle of red wine that had been sitting there for months. I went to fetch a bottle opened from the drawer beside it and heard a loud knock at the door.
âLeave me alone Johnâ I shouted and proceeded to open the bottle of wine. I twisted the cork and it popped out of the bottle. Then yet again another knock. âI told you to leave me alone!â I yelled. I sighed deeply and got a wine glass out of my upper cabinets, pouring wine into my glass and taking a large swig.
Suddenly the knocks on my front door grew louder and i couldnât take it anymore.
I cursed under my breath and stomped to the front door, unlocking it and about to curse out the person behind the door.
âI told you to leave me-â I yelled until I saw who the person behind the door was. Thomas Shelby in the flesh.
âYou can hate me all you want but do NOT get revenge by using my brothersâ He argued with his baby blue eyes and perfectly styled dark hair.
âI wasnât getting revenge anyone. It's something called moving onâ I huffed and tried closing the door on him. Thomas held the door open and stared me down.
âThen why go out with Johnâ He asked me with hurt in his eyes.
âItâs none of your business, Tom. Go homeâ I stated and tried to close the front door again, but it was no use.
âWhat the hell are you doing, Y/N?â Tommy asked angrily. I wanted to curse him out but instead I took a deep breath and stepped outside on the front stoop with him and shut the door behind me.
âThomas Iâm trying to move on. The same as you did weeks ago with that blonde girl. Iâm tired of you being in my lifeâ I huffed and nearly cried. Just a minute later rain started to pour onto us. I felt cold drops trickle down my shoulders and looked down at them sliding down my arms.
When suddenly Thomas asked me, ââŚWhy donât you want me in your life, Y/Nâ This time with a fallen face and broken-down demeanor.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I wasnât prepared to tell him anything about what I saw those past weeks ago. âYou need to go ThomasâŚI-I canât handle this right nowâ I croaked and tried to pull myself together.
âIâm not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going onâ He raised his voice and stared at me deeply with his light blue eyes. The rain had trickled down his head by now, making his dark hair completely wet and straight. He looked good and it just pissed me off even more.
âI never kissed anyone in front of you! Never fucking likedâŚanyone other than you. And then you go off with other people disappearing for weeksâ I cried out and avoided his gaze.
âI didnât think you wanted me. You ignored me every time we all went drinking. Thatâs why I went for Grace, but she was using me. Trying to find our guns. Trying to end our company. Thatâs why I had to leave. I was off the gridâ Thomas explained. I sighed and sat on my front steps. Not caring if the rain made me wetter, I just needed to think properly.
âI can't let you go Y/N. Not like this. Nothings started between us. Iâve never got to tell you how I feltâ Thomas spoke from behind me.âY/N look at meâ He ordered. I turned to face him, and he stepped down a stair, sitting beside me with his body turned fully towards me.
âI rather die than hurt you. I wish I never did. I donât want to lose you Y/Nâ Thomas confessed. I stared at him completely breathless, my hair dripping wet with rainwater. Thomas placed his hands on either side of my face. My eyes closed as I fell into his caress. âPlease Y/Nâ He begged. I started to cry softly, and he wrapped me into his arms. Hugging me with an urgent tightness. Iâve never felt so comforted by anyone like that. âTell me what you wantâŚbe honest, me or Johnâ He gave me an ultimatum. My cheeks flushed a vibrant red color as I left his embrace and stared into his inviting gaze.
âYou really donât know who I like do youâŚâ I asked him.
âI really donât Y/NâŚyouâre driving me insane right now. Waltzing in with himâ He spoke with frustration.
âMe? Like you didnât drive me to insanity weeks ago? Youâll be fineâ I laughed in his face as the rain fully poured down onto us.
âI need youâ He spoke, his voice much deeper than it was before.
âAnd I need a mental vacation but we donât always get our way Thomas Shelbyâ I sighed and placed my hands on the stairs, holding myself up.
âWhy are you doing this? You just figure when one person finally moves on that you can just come back, and everything would be normal again? You donât understand how miserable I was because of you. John had to get me out of bed just to be a person again. And you think you can come over once and propose an ultimatum and make everything fine. Iâm sick of it Thomas Shelbyâ I confessed with anger making my blood boil.
âY/NâŚIâm sorry. For everything. I didnt know what happened to you. I didnât even think you cared. No one told me where you went and i had to lay low. I wrote millions of letters i never got to send. I promise I will make everything up to you. Just tell me who you want the mostâ He pleaded and shuffled closer to me.
âItâs never been JohnâŚfrom the start you were the only person I wantedâ I admitted. Getting near his familiar ocean blue eyes was enough for me to become lightheaded. He placed a hand on my wet cheek once more, staring back into my soul like he saw right through me. Rain drops trickled down his forehead making his jaw look even more chiseled.
He carefully placed his thumb on my bottom lip and swiped over it softly. âIâd really like it if you were all mineâŚpermanentlyâ Thomas growled.
âIâve only been waiting for monthsâ I mumbled out before he leaned in close and kissed me roughly like he yearned for this moment for centuries. The rain came down so hard i couldnât think straight. I kissed him back. Tasting a mix of my own salty tears and rain water diluting them. I locked my lips against Thomasâ with him repeating back the same way. We shared sloppy, compelling kisses that didnât stop until we both had to come up for air. When we did, Thomas pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.
âIâve wanted you for so long Y/Nâ He breathed.
âMe too.â I smiled. âLetâs go get warmed up. I have wine waiting insideâ I offered.
âSounds like a dreamâ Thomas spoke and stood up off of the stairs, grabbing my hand and pulling me up in one go. The night ended with us lying in bed without clothes, overly drunk and tangled in the sheets. His big arms holding me tight as we drifted off into a good nightâs sleep.
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decided to break it
toxic baby daddy!ghost x reader
part 4/?
synopsis: babies change everything, and neither you, nor simon handle change very well at all.
wc: 2.2k
cw: afab!reader, angst, hurt with no comfort, language, break up fic, abandonment issues, no gendered language, discussions and depictions of pregnancy. no use of y/n ever.
authorâs note: im back <3, more tomorrow, or perhaps later tonight if i feel up to formatting on this hell site. for kitten, shia, nori, đŠđżâđź anon, and everyone else who cheered me up when i felt super down post-holidays
new to baby blue? start here.
"Fuck." You murmur, maybe for the fourth time since the 15 minute timer had gone off on your phone. The word doesnât seem heavy enough to sum up how youâre feeling, but you give it a few more tries anyway, âFuck, fuck, fuck.â The word 'pregnant', however, is the heaviest youâve ever seen, latching onto your limbs and skin and dragging you to the floor beneath you. âPregnantâ stares you in the face from the stick in your shaking hands, punctuated with a little smiley face you can barely see through tears. In the back of your mind you kind of wished you'd gotten the kind with the little ambiguous pink lines, just so you could pretend you didn't understand what two lines instead of one meant. Just for a little bit. Alas, the pharmacist recommended the slightly more expensive test, the kind that gives you a week estimate. The kind that tells you you've been fucked for 3-4 weeks now.
Every emotion you'd been feeling up until then cedes to white hot panic. It's hard to breathe in your little blue bathroom.
You wonder what he'll say.Â
No.Â
You dread what heâll say.Â
Itâs nothing you two have ever talked about, not in the cold blackness of night, when heâd sat in your arms with his face bare to you and murmured every gory detail of his upbringing to you and not a goddamn therapist. Not the following morning when youâd sobbed your terror of the future, and losing everything you had into his lap. And certainly not when you had mutually decided you were âgetting seriousâ.
And now you have to. You have to tell Simon youâre pregnant.
There's a pit in your stomach when he comes by that night, mask off and eyes warm, considering like they always are. You get swept up in how it feels to be near him, to have him crowd into your space, soaking your senses in his scent, his warmth. He kisses you gently, so soft it makes you want to cry. He used to say he wasn't capable of being like that. Not with you. Not with anyone.Â
Instead of sobbing into his chest like youâre desperate to, you chide him about wearing his boots in the house. You take the time he needs to unlace them to memorize what being with him feels like in this moment, the last time things will be easy.Â
He levers up and nudges his boots over to yours, where they sit side by side. Tears choke your voice again, and youâre praying itâs just a pregnancy thing rather than a âyou being an unstable wreckâ thing.
âSit.â You turn to the kitchen, setting your kettle on the stove and turning the knob to high. He hunkers down on the worn cream leather of your couch. You linger in front of your stovetop as long as you can, fussing with the mug Simon uses almost always, an ugly misshapen pink thing youâd made at a beginner ceramics class four years ago. Itâs chipped at the lip, rose coloured glaze cracked, exposing the beige clay underneath it. Your hand glances over boxes of tea, back and forth over colourful labels that may as well be written in gibberish for all the luck you're having reading them.Â
It feels like there's no air in the room, like the secret under your t-shirt is taking it all, vacuum sealing your room until your chest burns and your head feels like it's going to pop. You tear open a brand new box of earl grey, stuffing it back onto your shelf when the tea bag is sat securely in the cup.Â
"What's wrong?â He grouses from the couch, and itâs only then that you realize your shoulders are hunched up around your ears.Â
âI..â your stomach rolls and sweat begins to bead on your forehead. You can hear him stir in his seat behind you, shifting forward so he can peer at you from your living room. Saliva gathers in your mouth, and oh god, maybe you actually will throw up, itâs too early for morning sickness right? Unless the stupid tests were wrong and now youâre going to cover your countertops in the stew you had for lun-
âHey.â Simon is standing behind you now, his hands gripping your shoulders, shaking you lightly until you whip around to face him. The kettle is screaming now, filling your home with that shrill, high shriek of steam from the boiling water whistling through the appliance's tiny spout.Â
Somehow itâs still quieter than your pulse pounding in your ear.
âIâm pregnant.â You choke out, if only to stop yourself from retching over Simonâs socked feet. God, itâs like time stops, then it splits and cracks in clean halves. Into before and after he knew. Before and after his concerned expression crumbled into disbelief, before and after he schooled that disbelief into placid nothingness. And itâs not like youâd entertained the delusion that heâd be happy about it. But the silent hang time before he reacts is this terrible, hollow, unknown that tears up your insides and relishes in the shiny, red viscera.Â
A gruff, quiet "Are you sure?" is what you get from him, when he finally recovers, and you try so hard not to let it bother you. It's a shock. A surprise. A loud bang in the middle of a serene night, a cannon going off in your face, a gunshot into the sky when you thought the race was an hour from starting.Â
You try to give him a bit of grace. Still, the pit in your stomach grows.
Now it's a bit of a sinkhole.
"Baby, I wouldn't be telling you if I wasn't sure." You move to snag your fingers into the fabric of his shirt, to tug him close so you can hold each other, support each other, but he take a small step backwards, letting his palms slip from your shoulders.Â
The sinkhole is a cavern, yawning wide, open and empty.Â
You toss your hope and love inside.
âI needâŚsome time.â He mutters, slinking out of your space, out of the kitchen and back into your entryway.Â
'Time to fucking what?' you think, but hold back. You know Simon. You love Simon. And you remember where he's come from. What he's come from. You realize a second too late you should be following him, and when you stumble over the kitchen threshold, heâs tying up his boots, his broad back facing you. You try to peer around him, try to get a look at his face, desperate to gauge where heâs at. But when you notice heâs knocked your shoes over in his scramble to get away, to be anywhere but here, you stop moving..
âY-yeah. Okay. Just..uh, get back to me soon okay?â you stutter, and wrap your arms around yourself, like you know Simon won't. Not with the way his hands are shaking.Â
He doesnât even respond this time.Â
The soldier just stands. He opens your front door. And walks out. Leaving you in your entryway. Water past its boiling point in the kettle.
You donât see him again until youâre four, nearly five months along, the bump under your clothes now impossible to hide. When you stumble into your home, exhausted from working, heâs in your living room. Sitting there in his mask at your tiny dining room table. Like no time has passed at all. Like he should be there. You realize you never did get your spare house key back.
âGet out.â you spit, blood boiling under your skin.Â
"I know you're upset-" He begins, like heâs about to deliver a practiced speech.
"Get the fuck out!" Your tone is caustic, and you hope it burns him, hope it strips off all the facade on the rotting structure he is underneath.
"I never meant to leave it so long. This." He won't even say it. Can't even refer to you, let alone your baby. He stands up and becomes this big, dark mass in the bright space of your living room, black mask, black shirt, black boots, just a huge black hole that sucks up every good feeling youâd had in his absence, every ray of light thatâd shone through the dark gloom heâd left behind. Nothing escapes his pull.Â
He peers at you from the gap in his mask. The stark white skull stretched over his face mocks you, maliciously whispers in your ear; âDid you think you knew him? That he was honest with you? Open to you?â
And you had. You did. You thought you were making progress, building some semblance of a future, falling in love.
It makes you sick to your stomach to think of it.
"You want to apologize, take the fucking mask off Simon." Your voice breaks, and part of you hopes he hears it for the plea it is. Hopes he understands what youâre asking of him. Hopes he feels how bad you missed him, under the hurt and pain and bitter, bitter loneliness. If he would just take it off, just pull the stupid fabric over his face and show you he was still yours under there, that heâd make a mistake and heâs ready now, then maybe the two of you could fix it. This.
Instead, his silence, his stillness cracks open your ribcage and pours black ink over your heart.
Humiliation and anger simmer on your tongue. What comes next is shockingly easy. "Oh you can't do it, huh? Can't be a fucking person with me, huh?" You shove at his chest, and he takes it, staring at you with pain in his eyes. Like this is hurting him.
"I shouldn't have waited so long, but I-" he steps towards you and it feels so good to rip away from his touch. To step back from his advance.
"No!â You shout, and your face is so hot, skin ablaze with righteous anger. âShut up! Three months? Are you out of your fucking mind?"
And yes, one month of that was deployment, youâd known that, youâd talked about it, together. One month of no contact. One month of sand and heat and blood. But the other two months had been that white hot panic you'd felt on your own, in that tiny bathroom with the peeling blue wallpaper he'd promised he'd help you strip and replace. The other months had been missed calls, and ignored texts and you getting bigger under your sweaters because unlike him, you couldn't just take a break from the situation.
âGet the fuck out of my house!â You shove past him, deeper into your home, spinning around so heâs closer to your entryway than you are. âDonât you ever show your face here again, do you hear me?â Youâre screaming now, much to Ghostâs visible discomfort. Good. You hope your nosy ass neighbours call the cops. You hope they physically remove his pathetic ass. You hope they embarrass him. (It isnât very likely, of course. But God, could you dream).
âYou can't just keep it from me.â He steps closer and you lament that he has you on the backfoot. Itâs your space, your home and yet it feels as though youâre the one whoâs out of place, off kilter and uncomfortable. You glare at him.Â
âItâs mine too.â
âItâ he says, and that bothers you. Irks you. Him calling your baby an âitâ.Â
âGive me a fucking break, it wasnât yours when you left me, you couldnât wait to get your sorry ass out of here when I told you. Now you wanna play daddy? I donât fucking think so.â You dig your fingernails into the meat of your palms, leaving aching crescents in their wake.Â
âAnd you know what? Maybe itâs my fault for wanting to be with someone who is so fundamentally fucking broken that he couldnât fucking bear to show me his goddamn face until Iâd begged him. Maybe Iâm the idiot for thinking you could ever be capable of love, of decency. I needed you. And you abandoned me, Simon. You are a fucking monster.âÂ
The word hangs in the air, hovering between the two of you where it canât be taken back, and it sure as hell canât be forgotten.
âYou are good at distancing yourself, you are good at killing your feelings. Keep doing that. Stay the fuck away from me and my kid.â Youâre panting when you finish, and everything hurts, one of your hands is bleeding, your eyelids prickle with the pain of unshed tears, your throat feels strained and tight. He nods once, jerky and quick, before he takes an unbalanced step back. Then another and another, his eyes never leaving yours, like heâs looking for something, anything other than hurt and hatred.
But thereâs nothing else to find.
He turns, opening your front door and trudging out, heavy footfalls bracketing short moments of gut wrenching silence. It feels final. But it doesnât feel good. Not like you thought it might.
Heâs halfway into his SUV when you scramble out your front door, shouting over your porch railing to him in your driveway. âAnd get rid of my fucking keys!â He stares at you, standing stockstill, before he gets in the driverâs seat and pulls away.
whew, nice to post ghosty-poo again
series masterlist here
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forlorn
adjective: unlikely to succeed or be fulfilled; hopeless.
you believed riki when he promised you that he would never put anything, or anyone, above you. you believed you would see the day that he would bend on one knee in front of you, the day he would stand in front of you and speak his vows. you cherished every brush of his fingers as they tucked hair behind your ear, or swiped stray ice cream off your lip. you felt warm under his soft gaze, his pupils so dilated as he looked at you that his eyes were almost black.
every kiss, every embrace, every time you held him until you both fell asleep, you swear you hadn't ever experienced such love before. riki made you feel like you were worth something, he was your hype man at every turn and your number one supporter. without fail, he gave you hope every day. it was a love you never wanted to tarnish or lose... and life isn't fair.
you should have known, riki being a world known idol with so many schedules meant that as he got more and more popular, the less time he had to spend with you. it started off with texts and phone calls both during the day and night. it was photos of the set that he made you promise to keep secret, and being the first to know his new hair color that kept the spark alive, and the muffled, whispered nightly phone calls that always resulted in one of his members yelling at him to go to bed. and of course, he would get one day every week or so to spend some time with you, sharing well deserved one on one time together.
it was about a year later when you realized that something was changing... you remember, riki had just dyed his hair black, and he had to have been 2 inches taller since the last time you'd seen him. your head was buried in his chest when you hugged him... you hugged him, yet... he lazily draped an arm around your back and patted it like you were an old friend. he wasn't smiling, he looked blank faced... and you knew how exhausted he had been because of his insane schedule, so you brushed it off, maybe today was just a bad day to have a date...
and then the texts stopped flat out, the calls no longer came in, nor were they answered. you more often got updates on your lover from his fan pages rather than himself. it was more than disheartening to witness your supposed soulmate slowly begin ghosting you. but maybe you had pushed him too far...? maybe you had to lay off for a little bit.. he's clearly stressed.
your birthday passed and all you got was a 'happy birthday' text from riki, who when you promptly responded to hoping for conversation, left you on read. his birthday rolled around and you gave him a call, only for him to hang up after 3 minutes of mostly silence on his end. the call left you in tears... was this it? this couldn't be how it ends...
the last proper date you two went on those years ago, when he placed that daisy in your hair with a grin, "i'll bring you daisies every anniversary, and i'll buy you the biggest bouquet of them i can find!" he says before he wraps you up in a bear hug. all you can do is giggle into his shoulder, your head booked perfectly in his neck.
and the last excuse of a date you went on... all you could really see was his side profile, the bottom half of his face.. he didn't even look at you, and even if he had, his bangs covered his eyes. he barely had a grip on your hand and told you to lay off the affection. he didn't want a scandal...
even if you didn't want to admit it yourself, this relationship had been stretched beyond its limit months ago. you were tired, tired of sobbing because of him, tired of recanting his empty promises in your head over and over until they burned into your brain. he couldn't even be bothered to text you at least once a week, it was once a month if you were lucky, he didn't ever call you, and you hadn't had a date in well over a year.
as you sit on your bed, your hands tremble as you stare down at his contact card, that 'call' button dauntingly staring back at you. would he even answer...? what would you even say...? swallowing, you gather your courage and finally, your thumb taps that godforsaken button.
it rings... it rings twice... it rings three times... four... five...
"hello...?" a gravely and deep voice picks up the phone, and it's one you barely recognize... of course it's riki, but not the riki you knew.
"hey, babe... is this a bad time..?" your voice shakes b it thankfully you don't falter your words quite yet.
riki heaved a sigh, "no, why?"
your stunned by his dismissive tone, why was he acting like you were wasting his time? "i just... wanted to see you again..."
"y/n, you know we can't just see each other." he says in a flat and irritated tone, twisting an invisible knife to your heart, "besides, i'm flying out to america soon."
"huh? for what?" you straighten, confused by this unexpected news that riki treated so casually.
"god, for tour! don't you pay attention?" riki snapped, "what do you think i do for a living y/n? do you think i can just drop everything to see you just because it's what you want?" even if he's not here with you personally, it feels no better than if he were to berate you in person.
"i.. sorry i..." your words have failed you as tears brim your eyes, "i-i missed you, so..."
"you always do.. it's all you ever talk about! come on, give me a break. it's always about what you want, but why can't you understand that i have reasons i can't be around! i had to sacrifice a lot to get where i am right now, and all of that is thrown away if anyone finds out you exist! i gave up my childhood for this, y/n! and i've only known you for 3 years!" riki unloaded on you, but he didn't ever start to scream, he just sounded so... frustrated and disappointed. and all you can think of is that all you told him was that you missed him... and it ended up here.
"so the answer is no, y/n, i'm not taking you on a date, not for a while." he stated, an audible groan escaping his lips.
with tears now silently barreling down your face, you swallowed the lump in your throat, "then how about not at all..."
there's a resounding silence from both of you as you desperately tried to stop yourself from sobbing, and finally after an excruciating 20 second silence, he speaks.
"what...?"
"don't take me on anymore dates. you dont do anything for me anyways... is that your way of telling me this is over, riki?" you can't keep your voice stable and there's an audible crack and finally, a cry, that you quickly attempt to muffle with your sleeve.
"...i guess so." is all he has to say.
"...so it's over...?"
"yes... it's over..."
no more words are spoken as you pull the phone away from your ear, and press that taunting red button, the dial tone indicting the end of the call.
it was foolish of you to think that riki could put you over his career, his honey sweet words careening through your mind as you attempt to muffle your sobs with a blanket. the pain you felt through your body as you recalled the way he didn't dare to look at you the last time you saw him, the way he refused to kiss you or even hold your hand. you couldn't even see him... you didn't see riki anymore.
you saw ni-ki.
~
first post since i've been back, i hope it lives up to expectations! đ
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Shadows DanceđŚâ⏠(#2)
Azriel x Reader
Summary: A letter is received with information about Sarah. (Y/N) makes a life changing decision.
Warnings: very lightly implied assault
Word Count: 2.1 K
1 | Part 2 â
Azriel and I are up in a flash, heading into the houseâCassian, Mor and Feyre already gathered around him.
âWhat is it?â I asked as we approached, a look of concern on his face.
His eyes met mine, jumping to Azriel before landing on me again. My High Lord stepped forward a look on his face I couldnât placeâŚfear? Dread? Angst?
âWhat is it, Rhys?â Azriel asked, his shadows whirling around me protectively.
âThis just appeared. Itâs made to you, (Y/N), but addresses to all of us,â He speaks, reaching out to hand me an envelope, my name written in a script I didnât recognize to be from anyone I knew.
I flipped it over, it was unopened yet Rhys seemed to already know what it said on the inside. His urgency left me feeling nervous and I forced my hands not to shake as I opened the flap and slid the letter out.
I read the short letter quickly, my head snapping up to meet my High Lords pained gaze.
âWho did this come from?â I breathed, letting Azriel take the letter from my hands.
âI donât know, (Y/N),â He said, voice strained.
âWhat doesnât say?â Feyre asked gently, stepping up to her mates side. My eyes met hers, then Cassian, Mor and back to Rhys. But my throat felt like it was close up and I felt the tears welling in my eyes.
I tugged harshly on the bond, silently begging Azriel to speak for me.
âThe letter is regarding Sarah,â He said, his voice sounding rough with emotion. There are soft gasps and he continues. âIt sates sheâs been held prisoner since she went missingâthat sheâll be set free but the person that has her wants to meet with us to discuss the requirements of her release.â
âRequirements?â Cassian snarls, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows drawn into a scowl.
âAz,â I grit out, feeling his attention completely on me. My initial shock of emotion replaced my anger. Anger so strong I felt my body shaking with it.
âHey, sh,â He speaks through the bond, grabbing my face. âBreath.â
âI canât.â
âYou can. Breath for me, my love,â He says, shadows comforting me by caressing my skin, easing me into taking a breath into my lungs.
âWe will get her back,â He speaks allowed this time and I feel something in my chest loosen. âRequirements be damned.â
âWhen are we supposed to meet?â Mor asks.
âIn two days,â Rhys answers. âGo retrieve Amren, fill her in, weâre all to attend this meeting.â
âRhys, I will kill whoever this is. If sheâs been hurt all these yearsâŚďż˝ďż˝
âMy dear, (Y/N) the kill will be yours to make. Letâs see what this is all about but make no mistake Sarah will be coming home.â
ââââââââ
Two Days Later
I didnât sleep. I could barely eat. I didnât want to talk to anyone. I sat in silence at the window of mine and Azrielâs room, overlooking the city belowâa shadow perched in my shoulder.
All I could think about was Sarah. How she had looked the last time I had seen her, so excited to get changed for a night out with everyone for her birthday. Her 16th birthday. So young. So full of life. It had been when I went to see if she was ready to leave that I found her gone, room empty, her new dress still hung in the bathroom.
My sweet girl, my sister who was basically my daughter. A child my mate and I raised together with our family, suddenly ripped away from us without a trace as if she had never existed.
It hurt.
I hadnât realized I was crying until that shadow slid against my cheek, wiping my tears away before wrapping itself around my hand. I cried and cried until my throat burned and my eyes felt swollen. At some point strong arms wrapped around me from behind enveloping me and cocooning us in dark wings allowing me a safe space to let out my emotion.
Sobs turned into soft cries then barely there sniffles. Az rocked me in his tight embrace, kissing my head and filling our bond with nothing but love.
I hated that I couldnât control my emotions long enough to ask him how he felt, after all Sarah was practically his child too.
âSh, you donât need to worry about me,â Azriel spoke out loud and I pressed my face into his shoulder, taking a deep breath of his scent. âRhys and the others are ready? Are you?â
I look up at him, my eyes meeting those hazel orbs and I nod, letting him wipe away my tears. âLetâs go get our girl back.â
ââââââââ
âThereâs nothing here,â I growled angrily.
It was hours later. Arriving at the spot given in the letter before searching the forest for hours, the boys even took to the skies. Nothing.
âDo we know if the letter is real?â Amren asks, arms folded, silver eyes narrowed into slits.
âWhat? You think someone would send that letter toâŚto what? Get our hopes up? To mess with us?â I asked, I hadnât even considered that possibility but why? Why after all these years would someone just now torment us with this?
âThe letter is real,â Rhys assured, sending a look my way.
âHow do you know?â I ask, nearly pleading, feeling as if he knew more than he was saying.
âThe letter was sent with a vision attached, when I touched the letter I saw her. I saw Sarah, of course sheâs older now but it was her,â Rhys explains and my jaw drops open.
âWhy wouldnât you tell me? Can you show me?â I asked, stepping forward.
âI didnât want to get your hopes upââ
âShow me,â I demanded, staring up at him. âPlease, Rhys. Please, I need to see it. I need to see her,â I begged, ready to drop to my knees if I needed to.
âOkay,â he nods, âOkay.â
Then large hands are reaching forward, grasping onto the sides of my face. My eyes fall shut, a flash of white then I see it. I see Sarah and a sob escapes from my mouth. I feel as if my knees will give out but Rhys holds me steady.
She looks exactly how I always imagined her to look in her adult age. Moving gracefully around a field, flowers pinned in her hair, flowing blue dress fitted to the curves of her womanly body. She looks back as if there is someone else there and then sheâs smiling. A smile that I had missed dearly.
The vision ends there and when my eyes finally open to meet glowing violet I realize Iâve been crying. His thumbs wipe them away before he hugs me tightly.
âOh, I do hate to break up at such a sweet moment,â A voice echoes around usâthat voiceâŚI know that voice.
Everyone is on alert. Rhys is at Feyreâs side in an instant and Azriel replaces him at mine. His shadows locking us together.
Then thereâs a man standing there in front of us. Tall, broad, dirty blond hair slicked back and I recognized him instantly. I know everyone else does too. Azriel jerks at my side, shifting so heâs half in front of me.
âJarekâŚâ I breathe.
He turns to me with a leering smile.
â(Y/N), it's been ages,â He says with a sneer in his voice thatâs less than friendly. But could it be anything else with the reason weâre here.
âJarek, is it you that sent us a letter to meet?â Rhys asks, taking a step forward, his place as High Lord. âYou took Sarah?â
âIâll fucking kill you,â Cassian sneers. Jarek laughs, a loud obnoxious thing that makes me nauseous.
âRhysand, keep control of your dogs,â Jarek rolls his eyes, folding his arms behind his back. Rhys holds a hand up and Cassian falls back a step with a growl.
âYes, it was I who took, Sarah,â the blonde male nods, dull eyes finding each person in front of him, landing lastly on me. His lip curled up angrily. âI worked my ass off for you people for years, decades. Day and night, I spilled blood for you all and I was never accepted into your little group. I loved you all, especially you, (Y/N) and you all played me. Used me. Took me for granted. Didnât even bother to find me when I left, tired of the mistreatment. Tired of fighting for the girl I loved and chose aâŚa bastard born.â
âEnough!â I snarled. âWhere is my sister? Why did you take her? She wasnât even born when you lived in the Night Court. She had nothing to do with any of it.â
âI took her, (Y/N), because she was easy to get to. It was easy to find her alone in the night court, to court her in secret, convince to keep it quiet and make her to fall in love with me. I took her because I couldnât have you. I took her because I knew it would kill you everyday not knowing where she was. You broke my heart so I took yours.â Jarek smiles then, a curl curve of his mouth that made me sick. âYouâll be happy to know after the first three years she stopped fighting, she was in love with me after all. We even have a child togetherââ
I was lunging toward the male, dagger in hand before I could decide against it, tearing out of Azrielâs gasp hell bent on killing this man for what he had done to my baby sister. She was a child. So sweet and innocent and he hadâ
Before you could reach his hideous, smug face you were ripped away, grabbed away and winnowed to the other side of the forest opening. Azriel holding you tightly against his chest.
âCalm, my love, we need him alive to tell us where Sarah is.â
That was enough to calm me.
âJarek, what is it you want from us? These so-called requirements for giving us Sarah backâand why now? After all these years and having a child together?â Rhys asked, his voice strong and powerful.
âIâve become bored with her.â I snarled again, Azriel tightened his hold on me. I could feel the anger and hatred radiating from my family.
âIf you are so bored why not just let her go?â Rhys asked, fists clasped in front of him in an attempt to not tear this horrible male to shreds.
âBecause, Rhysand, whereâs the fun in that?â Jarek asked, a beat of tense silence before he continued. âI want (Y/N).â
Azriel goes tense behind me and Iâm frozen in place. Me for my sister?
âNo.â Rhysands answer is quick and firm.
âSee, I already knew youâd say that. Thatâs why my one and only offer is you give me (Y/N) or Sarah and the child die today,â Jarek snarls, shoulders squared back.
âWhatâs to stop us from killing you here and now?â Mor asked, the first sheâs spoken since his arrival. The answer is so simple to Jarek that he rolls his eyes.
âGo ahead. But if you do youâll never see Sarah again,â he shrugs.
It's silent. Everyone is silent. And it sounds as if every creature in the forest has gone silent.
I winnow out of Azrielâs hold, I can feel him stumble as I disappear.
âNo!â
âIâll goââ A chorus of protests cut me off but I ignore them, I ignore my family and focused on the man in front of me, leering at me.
âIâll go but I need to see her first. I need to see her with Azriel now before I go anywhere,â I demand.
âDone.â Then with a snap of his fingers another male appears and sheâs thereâbeautiful as ever with a child clinging to her. She looks disheveled, tired and scared.
âSarah!â I rush, her head snapping in my direction.
â(Y/N)!â She snatches the child up and lurches forward melting into her sister's embrace. âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry,â she cries against my shoulder.
âSarah, my sweet girl,â I cry, pulling back to grab her face, taking in every detail but before anything else can be said between the two of us the other male had grabbed me in a tight hold pulling me away.
I watch as Feyre winnows to Sarah and the child, appearing next to Azriel in an instant who looks in utter pain.
I fight against the near painful hold on my arm as Iâm dragged to Jarek and passed off like an object. I feel a stinging pain on my arm and i donât have to look to know heâs marked me, binding me to him.
âTime to go,â He smiles at me, grabbing me with his arm. My eyes scan over my family, landing on Azriel.
âIâm sorry, my love. Take care of our girl.â
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âś tingly feeling ; lee heeseung.
info. fluff ; lee heeseung x gn!reader
warnings. physical touch / cuddling.
listen to. it takes two by fiji blue.
[â§] âsee, this is nice, isnât it?â a muffled voice says against the skin of your neck. itâs funny how much youâve become used to the feeling of his lips grazing over your skin. you could barely look at him early into your relationship and you think youâve come a long way. especially since your boyfriend could have anyone in the palm of his hand just by smiling. or those damn eyes.
âi suppose,â you tease, taking your hand to run your fingers through the locks of your boyfriendâs hair, his head tucked at the crook of your neck and his body half draped over yours. his arms tighten around your torso as he presses a soft kiss on a spot on your neck, and you giggle. a little under a year ago, you wouldâve slapped yourself for giggling, reprimanding yourself for letting a man make you giggle. but lee heeseung always had that effect on people anyway, and you were no different.
well, except for the fact that you were the one he chose to love. and frankly, he wouldnât have it any other way.
âwhat do you mean you suppose? i know youâre comfortable right now,â heeseung lifts his head from where it rests against your neck and shoulder, lightly tapping his forehead onto your cheek. you only laugh, tightening your hold around the boy that lays halfway on top of you, patting both of your hands against his back and shoulder and pressing a kiss onto the top of his head.
against the sound of your oscillating towering fan in the corner, you can hear the morning birds chirping outside the window you decided to leave open the night before in hopes to cool down the stuffy summer air. the chirping was what woke heeseung up from his slumber next to you as you finished up one of your assignments before turning it in. as soon as he watched you click the bright blue âsubmitâ button and the webpage celebrated with animated confetti, he was shutting your laptop and forcing you back down onto the pillow. âthis is your punishment for not letting me wake up in your arms.â you only rolled your eyes at him, but allowed him to take up his rightful place over your body.
âno, yeah, youâre right, iâm enjoying this because youâre being a big baby right now.â
âhey!â he huffs, and his grip on you loosens as he props himself up to interrogate you. you donât think you itâs possible to not get flustered by the way he hovers over your frame. even if heâs whining right now. so, you yank on his shirt again and he gives in, returning to the position he had been in. âwhat do you mean âbig baby?â
âiâm saying you need to be cuddled as much as i do and that iâm glad iâm the only one that gets to see your clingy, cute side under your wholeâŚhusband materialâŚapparatus.â
âoh, you think iâm husband material?â heeseung raises his head from your chest again to quirk an eyebrow at you and you take your hand to push his face back down to its original spot.
âhee, you already know i do, you dork,â you pout, and he only laughs against your neck, only for you to join him when you realize how content you are right now. content in this moment, in this place, in his arms.
no matter how asleep your leg is.
â. authorâs note ;Â ayo guess who's back! it's been so long sinc i last posted, and this is so so short but i currently am in finals week and just need a break so i wanted to post something here! i'm still very much working on my wips rn but i keep losing motivation and getting inspo at the worst times (like i said i have finals this and next week) so thanks everyone for the patience! i'm obviously not a consistent writer just because my personal life doesn't allow for it, but posting stuff every once in a while is just something i want to continue to do because i don't want my writing to just be stuck in my google drive! anyway, hope y'all enjoyed this very very short thing that i ended up posting as a blurb because i couldn't find a good wip to put it into lol <3
â. taglist ; @soobin-chois @koishua @iwonzzi @enhacolor @chrysbibi @acaiasahi
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Pandora's Box II (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)
(Not my gif. Credits to the creator!)
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Author Masterlist / Author Taglist / Part I
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Pairing:Â Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Summary:Â Reader doesn't know what to think after the kiss between Spencer and Cat. Insecurities about their marriage surface in both Reader and Spencer. How severe will the consequences of what Cat did be?
Word Count:Â 4.1k
Warnings:Â Most of Spencer's traumas are only mentioned (Hankel, Dilaudid, Diana's illness, etc.). Angst and a lot of inner thoughts (I mean it: a lot). But not despair, my friends, happy ending.
A/N:Â Hello! Here is part two of Pandora's Box. Thanks a lot for all your comments, likes, and reblogs on part I.
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Spencer's POV
Cat did it again. No. Scratch that. I did it again.
I'm still seeing her eyes full of betrayal. God, how did I let this happen? How I was not able to think of something else to do. I'm so stupid!
I thought about running after her to stop her and convince her to go home with me. But I know (Y/N), and it would have been worse to insist when it was clear that she was shocked and hurt.
That leads me to now be in our shared bed, staring at the ceiling as I sink into my own mortification. Emily and JJ called me several times during the night, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just texted them that (Y/N) was fine, but I screwed it up, and she hated me now. I don't know why I thought that would stop the calls. It was the opposite, but I decided to ignore my phone from there. I knew that (Y/N) would not call or text me either. Besides her getting rid of her cell phone, I was the last person she wanted to talk to.
How do I fix this?
The more I thought about it, the more complicated it became. We were not only talking about me kissing Cat Adams. It was more than that. And even if (Y/N) didn't go further saying how bad she was feeling, she slipped a hint. And it hurt. It hurt to know I was hurting her. Maybe Cat was right. I was not made to have a normal life and be loved like that. Perhaps I didn't deserve her.
Spencer, stop it! Don't fall into Cat's game. She wanted this to happen. She wanted to ruin your marriage, I repeated myself.
The funny thing is maybe I ruined it first.
Tossing and turning, I couldn't find a way to fall asleep. That brought me to the months I spent in jail when I barely slept an hour in a row. Endless nights were I missed (Y/N) 's body next to me. Nights where I swore to myself that if I made it out of there, I wouldn't waste another minute without making her my wife. So I did it. The very day I was released from Milburn, I got down on one knee and proposed to her. No ring involved, just a promise to spend the rest of my life with her, loving her and raising a family.
Two years since that, and now I think about the things I promised and what I have fulfilled. I feel terrible realizing that I have failed her.
Tiredness got me at some point, but my brain didn't stop working. I dream about (Y/N). It was a sweet dream that turned into a nightmare when she told me it was over. That ours was over.
I woke up sweating and screaming.Â
I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let my incompetence makes me lose the best thing that had happened to me in life.
After showering and getting dressed early in the morning, I went to our habitual coffee shop and bought her favorite coffee and donut. I stopped by her dad's and left a bag with the treats and a note. A tiny gesture compared to the mess I had made, but I needed to tell her I was there even if she didn't want to see me.
-
Reader's POV
I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't.
After explaining the previous day's chaos to my dad - partially though, because I didn't want to give in to the embarrassing details - he let me stay in my old bedroom.
Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Spencer kissing that psycho over and over again.
I could see how his hands held her head, his eyes closed, lost in the sensation. Their lips moving in unison. His body pressed against hers.
Has he ever kissed me like that? Yes. He has. That is precisely the way I liked to be kissed.
When we started dating, Spencer was so shy at first, but he freed all the passion within him over time. I always wished to be the only one to see and feel him like that. And I really thought I would be the only one with that privilege. It seems I was wrong.
Why does it hurt so much? I mean, Spencer wouldn't do that to me, much less with that crazy bitch, right? I could bet he did not even want to do it.
Maybe it's the fact that there's a fucking Jiminy Cricket in my ear telling me things between Spencer and I aren't going well, and this shit is another proof that there will always be something interfering between us.
It terrifies me to think this could lead to the end of us, but I can't deny the idea has been on my mind for a while. It's true that we have never talked about it. It's true I have tried to deny that Spencer's absence affects me more than I let on. Has he noticed anyway? I'm afraid to know.
The next morning when I got to the kitchen, I saw my dad making coffee. Over the counter was a paper bag with my name written on it. It's Spencer's. I would recognize that handwriting anywhere.
"You don't have to open it," my dad told me, sensing the internal debate in my head. "I just brought it inside so you can decide if you want to do it or not."
It wasn't the only decision I needed to make, though.
Curiosity got the best of me. Inside the bag was my favorite coffee and donut. Of course Spencer knew it. Tucked in the coffee cup holder was a note.
'My love. Don't think this is me hoping that with just a coffee and a donut, you would forgive me. It is just a way to tell you I'm thinking of you. We have so much to talk about, but I won't push you to do it until you're ready. Please, only remember that I'm here, and I love you. Always yours, SR.'
Tears clouded my vision. I love him. That's not in discussion. But to be with someone is more than to feel love. It's about giving and receiving. It's about comprehending and being comprehended. It's partnership and complicity, things that have been away from us for a while. I will not blame Spencer for that because I have much to do with it. I should have said something. Is it too late now?
I took the lid off and sipped the coffee. I was thinking of him too.
-
Spencer's POV
Three days. The longest days of my life. Am I overstating? I don't think so. Because even if we had been apart for longer than three days, these circumstances made it worse.
The anxiety was killing me. Those days I went to work by inertia, unable to concentrate or be useful in any way. It was hard not to go over the last few months in my head. The signs, the unsaid things. The looks of disappointment when at any moment, the phone rang, and I had to leave.
Prentiss caught me deep in thought that afternoon.
"You okay?"
"Uh - yeah. I just got distracted. Sorry," I apologized. Emily shook her head and sat beside me.
"We both know it is more than that. Do you want to talk about it?"
I sighed, leaning back in the chair. I had the question on the tip of my tongue.
"Do you think fifteen years is a long time?"
Emily raised an eyebrow, trying to decipher the question's implication, but I knew she understood why I was asking.
"Well, I guess it depends on what you compare to," she ventured with a reassuring smile.
"I mean, doing this job. I had spent my whole adult life in the BAU. And don't get me wrong, I love my job-" I trailed off.
"But?"
"I love (Y/N) too, and I'm not good enough conciliating this job with my marriage. I can't make it work as JJ does," I confessed.
"If it is the case, having some time off should work to return some balance, but something tells me it's not the biggest problem," Emily asserted. Of course she did. She knew me better: it was more than the lack of time.
I chuckled bitterly.
"We have been only married for two years, and I feel I have failed her too much already. I mean, I was the one who said I needed to slow down after everything that had happened in Milburn. (Y/N) has been by my side in so many hard times. She was the first one I told about my addiction. She was there after the Anthrax episode. She took care of me when I got shot in Texas. I ran to her when they told me about my mom's Alzheimer's. Then jail happened. What else would she have to put up with? JJ's confession and being kidnapped by a cult. And now Cat again? Fuck, she saw me kissing her! The same woman who framed me for murder. How twisted is it?"
"She loves you too much," Emily pointed, trying to get me out of my rabbit hole.
"And I love her, but I always find a way to show otherwise, uh?" I mocked myself. I really felt like I was screwing up over and over.
"Spencer, none of those things have been your fault."
And maybe Prentiss was right. That didn't exempt me from my blindness, though.
"But it's been enough to have done something about it. Emily, I couldn't bear to lose her."
I could feel the lump forming in my throat.
"Spencer, she knows you love her. She married you for who you are. You just told me she has been with you in the toughest moments. You won't lose her."
How can she be so sure? I knew things never last long. I have seen people leaving me before.
"You know? It breaks my heart when I have to leave every time. (Y/N) always says she understands my job and never has demanded something from me. Still, I know she worries as hell every time I'm in the field, and I know there have been moments when she needed me, and I couldn't be there for her. I'm her husband! I promised to be there for her! Having more time could help, yeah, but I'm tired of this rhythm. I'm tired of being on the tightrope. I'm tired of the Tobias Hankels, the Cat Adams, the Mr. Scratchs-"
I had to stop my rant because I got out of breath.
"Well, if this is the matter, I think fifteen years is a long time then," Emily told me with a knowing look, patting my shoulder.
As a cue, my phone got a text:Â 'Are you in town? Can we talk?'
-
Reader's POV
Not two minutes had passed since I sent the text, and Spencer had answered, asking me when and where we would meet.
I figured it would be a complicated conversation, so I suggested it be in our apartment after work that day.
It's not like I wanted to torture Spencer for three days before to talk to him, but the events with Cat triggered a series of thoughts I didn't want to admit before. And the truth is, I wasn't sure how to deal with this. In fact, standing in front of the door and about to open it, I'm still not entirely sure what to say, just sure we can't keep putting this conversation off.
"Hi," Spencer said when he saw me. He was still in his work attire; only the tie was missing.
I returned a tight-lipped smile, stepping into the apartment.
I turned after closing the door, and Spencer just stood there, fidgeting with his hands. He was nervous, and so did I.
"Coffee?" He offered. I shook my head.
"No, thank you."
"O-okay," he mumbled, moving to the living room and gesturing to the couch for us to sit on.
Now we were both seated, maintaining a safer distance between us. Someone needed to break the silence. Spencer cleared his throat before speaking.
"About the kiss, (Y/N), I'm so sorry-" I cut him off.
"Spencer, not that yet. You need to start telling me what happened. It still confuses me how we ended in your old apartment with Cat Adams there."
Spencer nodded and recalled the events of that day: since the moment Penelope called him when we were at the coffee shop to him and Cat at the threshold, kissing.
After hearing the whole story, I couldn't understand how someone could set up something so elaborate to annoy someone else. Well, I don't know why I should be surprised; we were talking about Cat Adams, after all.
"Okay. So you thought a family and I were in danger. And she demanded a kiss. And you thought that would help," I filled. Spencer sighed, looking at his hands on his lap.
"Honestly? I didn't think anything. I felt trapped and knew I had no leverage on her. The opposite, actually. She was in control. I let her have me at her mercy," he confessed.
Spencer at Cat's mercy. Well, it wasn't the first time.
"You didn't seem troubled kissing her," I said bitterly. "I know it sounds childish, but you haven't kissed me like that in what? Months? It felt like I was nothing in your life, Spencer. It was like I didn't even exist and was watching a movie."
My voice cracked a bit while saying those words. Even imagining that I might not exist to Spencer made my stomach churn. It was worse to think I had already been losing him for a while or that perhaps he was never mine.
"(Y/N), that's not true. I -" Spencer tried to rebut quickly. I could feel the guilt in him.
"Spencer, it's okay. I can understand you were under pressure. But it was the way I felt. What would you think if your wife made out with the person who made her life a living hell for a long time?" It was a rhetorical question, though, because I would never do that to him.
"I know. And you might not believe me, but I was thinking of you. You were in my mind at that moment. Cat told me to do it as if she were you," he acknowledged. That didn't make me feel better. I let him know that.
"And you complied. That's the thing, Spencer. It's not the kiss itself; it's the fact you did what she told you. Again."
Spencer averted his gaze from me. He was embarrassed, and I hated being responsible for doing that, but he needed to know. I was done keeping things to myself.
"That makes me realize you're still caught up in her twisted game. Cat will never stop tormenting you, and I don't know what else I can do to help you. And it hurts me because I feel I'm not enough, Spencer. I'm not enough to really be by your side and be who you need."
Treacherous tears began to run down my cheeks. That was the admission I didn't want to reveal. After all these years, I thought, at some point, I could be in tune with Spencer's life. That's why I never said anything. I yet harbored the hope of living up to his expectations all this time.
"Don't say that! It's not true!" He argued, scooting closer to me on the couch, no longer afraid of proximity. "You are everything and more that I have ever needed and wanted. God. I love you, (Y/N). If anything, it's me who feels not worthy of your love. And I'm sorry, you are the most important person in my life, and I haven't shown you that."
"Then why do I feel then we are falling apart, Spencer? It's me imagining things?"
Spencer shook his head, a tentative hand reaching mine. I doubted for a second, but I welcomed his touch.
"It's my fault you're feeling this way. Believe me; you didn't do anything wrong."
His fingers stroking my hand resembled the way his touch always comforted me. In other circumstances, I would have believed nothing had changed between us.
"Are you sure? It's like we're becoming a couple of strangers. And I cannot understand if something about me bothers you or if I am simply indifferent to you. You don't trust me the way you used to."
I retracted my hand to protect myself from the pain it would surely follow when Spencer acknowledged I wasn't the person he wanted anymore.
"I know I have been pushing you away, but it's not because I didn't trust you. It's just I have been putting so many of my problems over your shoulders that I didn't want to overwhelm you. I'm sorry for not being honest with you," Spencer said, maintaining eye contact as if he wanted to imprint his apology on me. My lips quivered, and I was doing everything to not cry.
"Spencer, I'm your wife. It is supposed we lean into each other!" I complained. How was it possible he still did not understand he is not a damaged good and deserves understanding and support.
"And you always have been there for me. But what has happened the times that you have needed me? I am away most of the time, which is unfair to you. I'm your husband, and I should have been here."
His voice broke at the end. And it hurt me because that has happened more than once, but I decided not to say anything before.
"Spencer, I knew your job when we married," I reminded him. It was the truth. I knew what I had signed for. Spencer shook his head nevertheless, blinking back tears.
"That doesn't mean I don't do anything about it. I just let it pass. And it was wrong. You were uncomfortable enough to tell me you were worried or disappointed because of my job."Â
I looked away as I listened to Spencer describe my behavior over the past few months. It was hard to admit that I feared what it would mean to us if we discussed it. It seemed childish, perhaps, but like a scared child, I didn't want to feel vulnerable, saying it affected me.
"But it's what you do. It's your life. You chose to be a profiler, and you save people every day."
That was far more important, wasn't it?
"But I chose you too. And you are part of my life too." Now he had hunched before me, gently placing his hands on my knees. "Do you remember what I told you when I proposed?" He asked, smiling fondly.
Of course I remembered. After living apart for three months because Spencer was in jail, the moment of our reunion was one of the most emotional things I have experienced.
"Besides telling me you loved and wanted to marry me?" I replied - a blush creeping my face at the memory.
"Yeah, that too. I told you I wanted everything with you. I told you I didn't want to spend another minute without you. You make me whole and feel alive (Y/N). That's far more important than catching monsters and consuming my life for them."
Grabbing one of my hands, he brought it to his lips, planting a loving kiss. His gaze never left mine, and I could feel like my heart skipped a bit.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a whisper. He returned a smile, tucking a hair strand behind my ear.
"That I'm done. Fifteen years is more than enough, and if this job continues cracking the good things in my life, I don't want it."
I wondered if I was listening wrong or if my mind was playing tricks on me. I needed clarification.
"What? Are you saying-" Spencer cut me off, nodding his head.
"There are so many things we dreamed of doing together. Do you recall our plan to stay a whole winter in a cabin in the woods? Or the trip to Greece? The idea of moving to the suburbs?"
"Do you still remember all that?" I asked in disbelief. That seemed a lifetime ago. We had so many plans and ideas, but I thought this would only form part of an unfulfilled desire, of our youthful and innocent desire to achieve something different from what we were used to. I often felt those plans were a way of escaping from our daily life full of pain, ghosts, and fears.
"Of course I do! And it's not because I have an eidetic memory. If I didn't, I would remember it anyway because I still want those things. With you."
Stroking my cheek with his palm, Spencer looked at me intensely as he didn't want to miss any of my microexpressions. I felt bare before him, but it didn't feel odd or wrong. If anything, it felt like he was seeing into my heart and soul. I have missed that.
"Spencer, you don't have to. You are a profiler, and you save lives. Your life has been the BAU," I reminded him. I didn't want him to be doing this just because we were in a rough patch and for it to be something he would regret for the rest of his life.
"It has been, but I don't want it to continue to be. It's a job (Y/N). One that has given me a lot of satisfaction but also a lot of pain and has consumed me. I want that to change. I want us to be able to make plans and stick to them. I want that family we talk about so much. Sure, if it's something you still want," he pointed out carefully. My eyes widened.
"You say, kids?" Spencer nodded eagerly.
"Yes. Kids. Little you's and me's running around in our new house. Whom I want to rock to make them sleep, who I want to teach them things, take them to the park, and play with them," Spencer enthusiastically described. It had been a long time since I had seen him that way. I couldn't stop my lips from forming a smile. "Do you still want that?" His excitement changed to the expectation to know my answer.
"Yes, I do," I acknowledged, my eyes filling with tears at the thought that this could be a reality one day. Spencer beamed.
"Then let's have the rest of our lives like we want them to be," he offered. It was like we were saying our vows, like the day we married.
"Are you sure? Spencer, I don't want you to feel like you have-" Before I could say anything else, Spencer gently placed a finger over my lips.
"Hey. It's been a long time since I was so sure about anything. Baby, I love you. I want us, always. Will you accept this fool man, who is madly in love with you, as your husband again?"
His eyes were full of hope, illuminated by the glow of the lighted lamp in the living room. The man hunched before me was the love of my life. The man I chose to spend the rest of my days with. I could feel the sincerity in his gaze, the transparency of the shared longing that made me fall for him years ago.
"I do," I whispered, leaning down and tenderly cupping his cheeks. "May I kiss the husband?" Spencer chuckled, nodding and leaning forward until our lips met in a passionate kiss. Spencer's hands moved up to hold the back of my head as my arms flew to the back of his neck - our lips molding like they were meant to be. The time stopped, and nothing else mattered. I was there with him, and he was there with me.
That kiss sealed our complicity and love's declaration. A kiss that Cat Adams would never have the privilege of experiencing despite the many Pandora's boxes she tried to open.
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Spencer Reidâs Taglist (some of them don't work): @dreatineâ @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @tvandfanficâ @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 Â @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @thebloomingeagle @pauline5525mgg @maltamurdock @disaster-in-waiting @pebble-has-a-mirgraine @anamiad00msday @chlochlosworld @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @miaxx03 @leahblackk @missabsey
Pandora's Box Taglist (some of them don't work): @isisjen @marimorena06 @starlightskiss @wittlewowa @ladyofhellhounds @blogs-imagines-fanctionstories @logibearhockey1 @flowersownme @callsignwidow @regulus-black-223048 @l0v3e1i @lovejules888
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fragile heart - kwon soonyoung
ex!soonyoung x fem!reader
word count: ~5.5k (look... i wish i could tell you)
kinktober masterlist
warning(s): smut under the cut!! (mdni), pwp, angst!!!, lovers to exâs to lovers????, mentions/flashback? of the breakup, mentions of arguing, lots of crying, a lot of struggling emotionally and mentally, they're just heartbroken for a good chunk of this, soft sex????, make up sex, unprotected sex, creampie, a little praising, reader is called good girl & pretty girl & baby, soonyoung spits in readers mouth, cuddling after sex, let me know if i forgot anything! - don't mind grammatical errors/typos (i tried)
you and soonyoung had been together for a little over two years, romantically at least, youâve known each other for far longer. so when you two had broken up three weeks ago it threw all of your friends and family for a loop. what couldâve possibly happened between you two to make you go from madly in love to strangers in the matter of seconds?Â
it was simple really, well it wasnât but you liked to think it was. you and soonyoung had been happy together ever since the beginning but recently, following his return from a long business trip, everything seemed to change. he was more distant with you, albeit his work schedule was hectic but he normally made time to at least sit and have dinner with you, so it was strange when he would text you a âsorry not making it tonightâ minutes before you were to pull dinner out of the oven. it broke your heart really, four weeks he spent abroad attending business meetings with his colleagues only for him to come home and barely offer you a small âi missed youâ with a kiss on the forehead. it was sweet at first, you thought, until that's all you got. the âi love youââs were few to none, the skinship was nonexistent and you were lucky to hear his voice over the phone as he would drift off to sleep.Â
when the time came for you to confront him about what was going on you were met with nothing but agitation and irrational words thrown at you out of anger (from soonyoung). the fight didnât last long, and sure you couldâve picked a better time to bring it up, but it was the first time you saw him in person since the night he came home. all of the tears and yelling still rung in your ears as you remember how he slammed the door on his way out of your apartment, the sting of the breakup finally settling in when you had realized what youâd done.Â
a lot of people liked to speculate that it was soonyoung that broke up with you, with his easy to anger self, but in reality it was the other way around. you were just so tired of waiting around for him to come to his senses, and it was hurting you to have your heart neglected the way it was. so in the heat of the argument you had thrown out your thought on breaking up.Â
âweâll maybe we shouldnât be together anymore if you're gonna be more in love with your job than you are me!â you hadnât realized what you had said then, not even when his face fell for a second and the room went quiet. Not even when he cleared his throat and mumbled out a quiet âmaybe we shouldnât.â before he got angry again, not at you but at himself, for letting it get as bad as it did. it took him leaving, the sound of his tires screeching out of the parking lot for you to fall to your knees, silently begging him to come back.Â
fast forward a couple weeks and you find yourself sitting in your car, shaking as you pep talk yourself into getting out and going up to soonyoungâs apartment, where you would hopefully retrieve all of your stuff without having a breakdown in front of him. with a quiet âyou got this.â you finally step outside, locking your car you make your way to the front door, punching in a code that unlocked it.Â
soonyoung didnât bother changing his code, hoping that you would show up one day and tell him it was all a joke, that you still loved him and wanted him back. yet you never came. he would never admit to anyone how much he missed you, how badly the break up hurt him, his pride being too big for him to ever show any type of weakness like that (unless it was in front of you).
he wanted to text you, call you, see you, but he couldnât bring himself to face you. he had a thousand things he wanted to say, all drafted in his notes, and all of them starting of with an âi love youâ cause god knows he didn't say it enough in the weeks leading up to your breakup. He knew he fucked up, he knew exactly what he did. he let his work consume his life, sure he was doing it so he could get that raise his boss has been teasing before the holidays set in, but he failed to let you in on his plan.Â
he failed to love you, failed to take care of you and your heart and now heâs paying the consequences. the nights have been long and sleepless for him, and everytime he stared up at the fading glowing stars on his ceiling (that you two put up as a joke when he first moved in there) he couldnât help but cry, thinking about how heâll never have you in his life again, not even as a friend.Â
that's actually where soonyoung found himself now, laying in his bed staring at the fake stars, his cheeks covered in dried tears. when he woke up an hour ago to see a text message from you he felt ecstatic. he jumped up immediately and opened it with a smile on his face only for it to fall instantly, his heart sinking to the bottom of his stomach. âI want to come pick up my stuff please.â was all it said and after sending a quick âof courseâ soonyoung threw his phone across the room and sobbed into his pillow.Â
it felt like hours passed while he waited for you, he thought of every possible thing he could say to you, wondering if he should say anything at all. maybe he should just drop to his needs and beg you to forgive him, or he should run down the street to the flower shop he would go to for your anniversary gifts. maybe he should start on making the apartment at least presentable for you, the past weeks having been hard on him and he neglected to take care of his apartment. dirty dishes scattered the kitchen, last night's dinner sat out getting stale on the living room table and his room had piles of dirty clothes sitting everywhere. just seeing the state of his apartment he started to cry again because it made him think about how he treated you the same way. god he felt awful.Â
you knew the layout of sooyoung's building like the back of your hand, you could navigate it blindfolded with a full bottle of soju in your system (like you did that time you both came back wasted from mingyuâs party and soonyoung thought it would be a good idea to cover your eyes while you both stumbled down the halls giggling and whispering to each other). even after the countless times youâve been to his apartment, you still found yourself getting off at the wrong floor. you stand in front of the elevator for a little while, a dazed expression on your face, you didnât want to be here but you had to see him. you had to get your things you kept telling yourself but it was all a ruse, you wanted an excuse to see him, to make him see how bad off you were without him and hopefully, maybe, make him realize he actually did love you more than his job. you hoped he would drop to his knees and beg your forgiveness (that you knew you would give him too quickly), hoped he would hug you and kiss you and tell you heâll never let you go again.Â
the elevator opened again behind you, a resident stepping off and walking around you, effectively snapping you out of your daydream. watching the figure walk away you wondered if they were going home to a loving boyfriend or husband and that's when your eyes began to sting. cursing quietly to yourself you turn and catch the elevator doors before they fully close, you promised yourself you wouldnât cry while you were here yet while you stepped back onto the elevator you had to swallow a sob.Â
with a deep breath you push the top floor, the dread finally settling in when you realized you were only two floors away. your leg began to bounce as a pit formed in your stomach. you were really about to do this, years and years worth of memories that had been built in that apartment were about to be packed away into a garbage bag that you were just going to throw in your storage unit and never touch again.Â
there's not enough words in the world for you to use to describe how much you hate all of this. as you stepped into the familiar hallway the world seemed to slow down a little. you remembered the first time you ever saw this place, you were terrified because he lived so high up and you still werenât over your fear of heights then. it was almost like a ghost had touched you as the memories of soonyoung dragging you up onto the roof where an expensive patio set and fire table sat. the echoes of his laugh rang in your ears as he danced around with you telling you to keep your eyes on him and that he wasnât going to let you fall (a quiet promise that if you did fall he would be there to catch you). it hurt to think about that now, how bittersweet the memory was as this would be your last time ever stepping foot in here again. and while you walked down the hallway, closer to his door, you let a single tear fall.Â
his door was unmistakable, a worn out welcome mat sat in front of it along with a ceramic tiger that his friends had gifted him when he moved in. it was cute, how he still had it sitting out there despite the poorly glued on leg that broke when his friends got a little to rowdy while rough housing (yet he refused to throw it away and get it a new one âit was the first gift i got for the new place, it means a lot to meâ he would say anytime something happened to it and he had to glue it back together).Â
with a trembling hand you finally knock on the door, three little knocks, soonyoung said he could always tell it was you at the door based on how your knuckles rapped against the thick wood. just as you knocked you felt an immediate feeling of regret, maybe you werenât ready to do this, maybe you needed more time. and just as you were making your mind up to just run away the door swung open.Â
soonyoung stood there almost like a deer caught in headlights, his eyes had dark bags under them and his hair was sticking up in all directions. he was still wearing the clothes he had on from yesterday, he was too lazy to change and now the sweats were extra baggy and the shirt fit a little looser than normal. the two of you just stood there, staring at each other for a long time, neither of you could come up with anything to say.
âhi.â soonyoung finally mutters, his voice hoarse from crying all morning. with shaky hands he pushes the door all the way open and steps far out of your way to welcome you in. you don't trust your voice as you step into the apartment, kicking your shoes off and slipping your house slippers on, they were fluffy tigers to match the pair that he was already wearing, they put a bitter taste in your mouth but you couldnât bring yourself to not wear them as you looked around at the state of his apartment. âare you hungry? thirsty?â he steps past you into the kitchen to quickly put dishes in the sink and throw garbage away so canât see the extent of how bad it was, how bad he was.Â
âiâm not hungry.â you mumble, which only puts a frown on his face but he knows better than to push you to at least have something. âbut water would be nice.â you really didnât want to have water but you could already feel your throat drying up as you fought the tears. despite the condition it was in, the place was still very much him. expensive artwork from around the world decorated the walls, brightly colored blankets and pillows littered the black couches, and it smelled like apples and cedar which happened to be his favorite candle scent that you bought him for christmas four years ago and you always makes it a big deal to buy him a new one every year since.Â
âhere you go.â he breaks you out of your trance as he hands you a glass of water with four ice cubes in it, just how you like it. you couldnât help the way your lips twitched into a smile as you whisper a quiet thank you before taking a sip. a surprisingly calm quiet had settled over you two as you stood there and drank the water, soonyoung looking at the ground as he wiggled his toes around to make the tigers on his feet move.Â
âwhen did you get a tiger print rug?â you snorted quietly, finally realized the bright orange rug that sat under the dining room table.
âoh, seokmin bought, said it reminded him of me while he was out shopping with his mother.â soonyoung played with the hem of his shirt nervously. âis it stupid? i feel like it's too bright for the place and it just doesn't-â you cut him off.
âno!â you clear your throat to calm your voice. âno.. i donât think its stupid, its very much.. you.â you offer him a smile, a genuine smile (something you haven't been able to do in weeks). it seemed to help calm all of soonyoung's nerves though as he smiled back at you and for a second he forgot that you two were broken up. however reality came crashing down on him like a tidal wave and his smile fell, a lump forming in his throat. you noticed his change in demeanor and you remembered why you were here in the first place. âright⌠i need to pack up my stuff.â you whispered.Â
gently you hand your glass back to soonyoung who just holds onto it and watches you make your way down to his room. his heart was racing as he thought about how close you were, how you were within his reach yet so far away. this was the moment he had been waiting for, he wanted to make things right with you, tell you he really did love you, yet his feet wouldnât move. it was like he was glued to the floor as he stared down the empty hall, his bedroom door wide open yet the only thing he could see was your shadow.Â
âdamn it soonyoung, get it together.â he whispers to himself as he finally steps forward, making his way to his room where he gently sets the glass on the coaster that you bought him after he ruined a nice wooden table from cupstains. it broke his heart to see you pulling things out of his closet to fold up and set on his bed, memories of you rummaging around and putting his clothes on played in his head. he allowed himself to live in the past for a little bit, not wanting to believe the present was real as he sits on the end of his bed watching you with love still in his eyes.Â
it was hard for you to tell if he was looking at you or through you because everytime you would turn around to set something down he wouldnât move an inch. it worried you a little, the bloodshot eyes, the dark bags he had under them indicated he wasnât sleeping well, and it was hard to miss how he looked at you, even if you didnât want to admit it. and so you donât. you will yourself to keep pushing forward, ignoring the eyes that seemed to be permanently glued to you (which they were, even in a crowded house party soonyoung's eyes were always on you. if he was a compass you would be his north pole, he was always drawn to you and no one else). Â
âyouâre staring.â you whisper while setting a shoe box down, a pair of heels sat inside for when you would go out clubbing or to an event that required you to dress up for.Â
âiâm sorry, is it making you uncomfortable cause i can stop.â his eyes were wide, he wasnât expecting to get caught, he didnât even think he was that obvious (not that he could think about anything else with you in front of him).Â
âno itâs noot, it's just⌠distracting.â you sigh quietly, moving to sit on the bed, allowing the pile of clothes you accumulated to sit between you two.Â
âdistracting?â he tilts his head to look at you, his eyes scanning every inch of you, trying to burn you into his memory before he forgets what you look like (not that he ever could, even if heh somehow got amnesia he could never forget you).Â
âyes.â you chew at your bottom lip, fighting really hard with the urge to spill exactly how you feel to him. it was always so easy to talk to him, the conversations came easy and they flowed for hours, even if you were having a simple conversation about gold fishes. it's just how soonyoung was, he could make anything into a four hour long discussion and it would never be boring. âiâm trying so hard to keep it together right now and having your eyes on me⌠it just makes me forget about why iâm here.âÂ
âthen i guess iâll never take my eyes off you, not if it means youâll stay here a little longer.â his voice cracked. he was scared he said the wrong thing when you didnât respond to him and just as he was about to ask if you were okay he heard a little sniffle come from you. ây/n?â he questioned worriedly, your name almost sounded foreign coming from him yet it was somehow comforting (for the both of you). when he realized you were actually full on crying he began to panic, he fell to his knees in front of you and gently grabbed your face, whispering what happened.Â
âiâm sorry,â you whispered, a quiet sob following. âiâm so sorry i ruined us.â you begin to cry harder as he hushes you quietly, his own tears beginning to blur his vision.Â
âoh no baby you didnât ruin us i did.â he mumbled as he tried to wipe away all your tears. âi let my job consume my life, i neglected to take care of you the way i should have as your boyfriend, and i failed to make you feel loved.â tears began to fall down his face. ây/n i am so sorry, iâm sorry for pushing you away, for not telling you i loved you enough, for not making time for you, for everything.â he whispered as he rested his forehead against yours. the both of you quietly cried in each other's presence for awhile, it felt nice for you both to finally get all of that off your chest, and to be in each other's grasp.Â
âi forgive you,â soonyoung couldnât help but look at you with wide eyes, more tears threatening to spill after he finally managed to stop crying not even a minute ago. âi already forgave you the second you opened the door.â you couldnât help but laugh through your tears. smiling and laughing quietly with you soonyoung lunged forward to kiss you hard on the lips, weeks and weeks of emotions flowed through him into you with just that one kiss.Â
âi love you y/n,â he kisses you again, âso much,â and again âand iâll tell you every single second of every single day for the rest of our lives to make up for lost time.â and again, this time a lot more passionate than the rest as he moves forward, gently toppling you over onto the bed without breaking the kiss.Â
it felt surreal to be kissing him again, it almost felt like the first time all over again as you gingerly wrap your arms around his neck, tugging him closer to your body and tangling your fingers into the hairs at the base of his neck. it didnât take long for the kiss to get more heated, your tongues swirling around one another as your teeth knocked together gently, the fight for dominance quickly turning into a desperate act to try and taste more of each other.Â
âgod iâve missed you so much.â soonyoung groans against your lips as he finally pulls away enough to allow you to breathe. there was a thin line of saliva that connected your mouths and heh couldnât help but lean forward to lick it off your lips, a smirk playing on his face when you nip at his tongue.Â
âiâve missed you too, more than i think you could ever imagine.â and with that you're tugging him back down to kiss him again, your hand settling farther up in his hair so you can have a better grip when tugging it. this kiss was a lot sloppier than the last, with a trail of drool dripping down your chin as soonyoung tries to push his tongue further into your mouth, wanting to feel every inch of you that he can.Â
you make a quiet noise when he runs his tongue a little too close to the back of your throat for your liking but you let him continue to explore, much like what his hands are doing. they originally were originally holding onto your face and when he laid you down they had moved down to rest on the sides of your neck, now his finger tips are teasing under your shirt, begging to feel the smooth skin underneath.Â
âcan i?â he whispers, taking another break to breathe as he tugs gently at the end of your shirt.Â
âyes.â you breathe out quietly. itâs the only thing you can really say before he's delving back in to kiss you, his cold hands pushing up under your shirt to map out your body.Â
you moan quietly into his mouth when his hands finally come to rest on your boobs, giving them a little squeeze through your bra. it was easy to tell just how sensitive and touch deprived you both were by how easily your bodies reacted to each other. the second you had moaned soonyoungâs hips bucked against your lower stomach where you could feel his already hardening dick. soonyoung groans quietly at the friction befores he's pulling away from your mouth and pushing up to sit on his knees.Â
âwhere are you going?â you pant quietly, watching him in a daze.Â
âiâm staying right here baby, but these clothes arenât going to do us any good soo be a good girl and strip for me real quick.â he was always soft with his demands, even now as he desperately threw his shirt off and kicked his sweats and boxers to the floor. despite the thousand times heâs seen you naked his breath still hitched when you layed back down on the bed, your legs spread open for him and your hair framing your face like a halo. âyou never cease to amaze me with your beauty.â he whispers before settling between your welcoming legs that wrap around his waist instantly like they always did when he was taking too long.Â
he smiles at you before leaning down to kiss you again, the angle making his dick push against your wet folds. soonyoung groans at the feeling as he starts to gently rock his hips back and forth, your juices making it easy for him to slide in between your lips. it was delicious how the vein on the underside of his dick dragged along your clit, dragging out quiet whimpers and moans as you rock your own hips trying to get more friction.Â
âiâve got you baby, don't worry.â soonyoung mumbles into your mouth before kissing you again. one of his hands reaches down between your bodies so he can grab ahold of his dick. with a couple jerks of his hand and a grunt heâs lining himself up at your entrance before he's slowly pushing into you. he takes his time, not wanting to hurt you as your pussy stretches around his dick. the stimulation was a lot for him to handle as he pulled away from the kiss to rest his forehead against yours, his eyes screwed shut and his mouth wide open at the feeling of you squeezing around him. âoh fuck.â he whispers, heâd never get tired of the feeling of being inside of you. your velvety walls hugged him perfectly and the tiny whimper you let out when he finally bottomed out was like music to his ears.Â
âsoonyoung,â you whine, the feeling of being so full was overwhelming as your heels dig into the small of his back. âitâs too much.â it's never been to much for you in the past, but in that moment with all the emotions youâve been feeling and the lack of having him inside of you for almost two months, the burn of the stretch was slightly to much for you to handle as you wrap your arms tightly around his shoulders and dig your fingers into his back. you just needed to feel him closer and you would be alright.Â
âshhh pretty girl, i got you.â he mumbles, he gives your waist a reassuring squeeze before he's rubbing your hip gently. âjust relax and let me take care of you.â he kisses the tip of your nose before heâs slowly and carefully moving his face to nestle into the crook of your neck, allowing you to pull his body fully flush against yours.Â
âfuck,â you gasp quietly when his dick shifts inside of you after pulling him to lay against you. the burn was a dull ache now so you experimentally rock your hips causing you and soonyoung to moan in unison. âplease.â your voice shook from the pleasure.
âplease what baby?â he whispers against your neck as he kisses it gently, his breathing a little labored as he tried so hard not to cum right then and there.Â
âplease move.â you whimper, digging your heels into his back harder to try and push him deeper into you.Â
âsince you asked so nicely,â he smiles against your neck. while still laying against your body, soonyoung begins to rock his hips. his thrusts are slow and deep as he takes his time to map out every ridge inside of you with his dick, listening to every sound you make so he can burn it into his memory forever (not that it wasnât already burned into his mind, he just liked to memorize you over and over again).Â
âneed more youngie,â god that nickname drives him nuts when you use it in the bedroom, it's so innocent and sweet yet the way your pussy squelched right after you said it wasnât. âplease.âÂ
âfuck, you know i canât say no to you baby.â he groans as he moves so hes hovering over you again, one arm on the bed and the other still gripping your waist. âiâll give you whatever you ask for.â he grunts quietly before he picks up his speed, his hips slapping against yours violently as he zeros in on your g-spot,
your toes curl and your head leans back deeper into the pillows as you let out a string of whines and moans, your head going completely fuzzy from the pleasure. it was crazy how well soonyoung knew your body, even after so long apart from each other. and it was even crazier how he remembered exactly what to do to make you fall apart in seconds.Â
âopen that pretty mouth wider for me baby.â despite the relentless rhythm of sooyoung's hips rutting intoyours, you still managed to listen and open your mouth wider for him, you even went as far as sticking your tongue out (your body knew exactly what he was getting ready to do.) âgood girl.â he groans loudly before he's taking his hand off your hip to grab your face, holding you still long enough for him to spit onto your waiting tongue. letting go of your face he watches you swallow his spit through hooded eyes, another loud groan leaving him when you stick your tongue back out to show him that you swallowed it all.Â
soonyoung moves to rest his other arm against the bed, encasing you fully before picking up speed again. he was glad that he didnât share a wall with his neighbor as the headboard began to slam against it, chipping away more of the paint (not that he cared, the little dent in the wall was two and a half years in the making and he was determined to not get his deposit back when he moved out of there).Â
âclose,â you gasp out between moans. âso close, please,â you moan louder. âdont stop.â
âi wasnât dreaming about it.â he groans before leaning down to kiss you, effectively swallowing all your moans as he reaches down between your bodies to rub at your clit with his thumb. the pressure was building up quickly in your lower stomach as you clenched harder around his dick, moaning louder into his mouth and scratch your nails harshly down his back (soonyoung always loved when you scratched him hard enough for it to sting, it reminded him of just how good he fucked you).Â
âsoonyoung!â you gasp loudy, a whiney moan leaving you as your orgasm comes crashing over you like a freight train. soonyoung continued to rub at your clit as his thrusts became sloppier, his own orgasm creeping up on him as he knocked his forehead against yours to rest it there.Â
âfuck.â he almost whines as his hips still inside of you, his cum painting your walls white. in the middle of your post orgasm haze you were able to see sooyoung's face clearly, his eyes were screwed shut and his mouth was wide open as he pant quietly trying to catch his breath, and despite the eyebags and the dried tears you couldnât help but thing that he was the most prettiest person you had ever seen.Â
you two stay like that for awhile, relishing in the fleeting pleasure of your orgasms while trying to regain your composure. with a quiet hiss soonyoung is pulling out of you and collapsing on the bed next to you, his arm going to slide under your neck so he can gently tug your head into his chest.Â
âi love you.â he whispers, his heart racing quickly as he braces himself for what you could possibly say next. sure you forgave him and you two just had sex but that doesnât mean you still loved him.
âi love you to soonyoung.â you tilt your head up to look at him, a soft reassuring smile on your face when you noticed his eyes looked terrified before they looked excited. with a huge smile on his face he's gripping your hair gently so he can tug you up to meet him halfway for a kiss.Â
âwill you be my girlfriend again?â he mumbles against your lips.Â
âi thought us having makeup sex was us getting back together?â you laugh quietly as you kiss him again really quickly. âbut yes, i will be your girlfriend again.â soonyoungs pout turned to a smile real quick before he's rolling you to over so he can lay on top of you.Â
âi love you, i love you, i love you.â he sighs happily as he snuggles into your body, mumbling that he wants to stay like this a little while longer before you guys have to go wash up.Â
even after you two talked through everything later that night over dinner, your heart would still drop when he would have to leave for a business trip, scared that you would start this cycle all over again when he would get back. but soonyoung made it a part of his routine to call you everyday just to tell you he loved you (he very easily could've just texted it but he wanted you to hear him say it). and everytime he would come home from his trips he'd go straight to you, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and his suitcase in another.Â
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Silk Thread
Kinktober Masterlist
Pairing: soft!dark!Matt Murdock x F!Reader
Warnings: Breeding kink â soft!dark!Matt, unprotected sex, creampie, possessive tendency and behaviour.
Author's Note: Happy Halloween!! đť
Going out with a bang. Literally. I can't believe this is the last Kinktober prompt đ I hope that you guys enjoyed what I had to offer for this past month!! This is definitely not the end of my smutty slutty Matt phase (which had gone on for well over a year), but until next time when I have more depraved thoughts and ideas for our little hoe đ¤ P/S: I do have a face-riding prompt to write coming next month so ... đ
GIF Credit: @mrssylargray
When the inky darkness of the night draped itself over the New York sky, you often found your eyes drifting over to the window, where the fire escape was. You kept the window slightly ajar in the hope of finding your frequent visitor standing outside, casually letting himself in. It was an open invitation, and he hadn't taken it on since over three weeks ago.
Matt came and went. He never stayed, but he always left something behind each time he stopped by. Love bites on your chest and neck, carefully hidden by your hair, high-neck tops or scarves. The ache between your thighs that you could feel for days afterwards for no one could satiate it. You never knew the next time you'd see him, and he always made sure you would miss him long after he was gone with something that only you knew.
There was something different about tonight. You jolted awake to the feeling of Matt nosing at your neck, kissing and sucking on your sweat-clasped skin. He spread your thighs, which were pliant to his handling, and slotted himself in between. You could feel the familiar hard length poking at your thigh, seeking release in your tight cunt. You didn't know what got into him or why he was here after ignoring you, but the marks he was leaving on your skin felt too good to stop, and the thoughts soon escaped your mind with each breathy moan he drew from you.
You reached for a condom from your bedside table, but he stopped you with a hand on your wrist, deepening the kiss by pressing you into the bed. It struck you as unusual because Matt had always been careful about it, which was why you always had something ready. His deadly reticence gave away nothing. Matt continued to prolong the silence as he gave himself a few pumps before breaching your entrance with his cock. You gasped at the intrusion, squirming in his hold, your mind sensing something was off. Yet, your body had already submitted to him, reducing your thoughts to how good he felt in your weeping core. You could feel the mushroom tip when he pulled out all the way, just to plunge into you again. The thick girth, the smooth skin and protruding veins were all in their naked glory, and you could feel it all. The foreign feel of his bareness punched the resistance out of you, rendering you pliant with his thrusts. His hands caged your wrists, making it impossible to escape. You tugged on the shackles, and a broken sob escaped your lips. Matt answered your with hard thrusts of his hips, pistoning into you like he had no other choice.
"Did you have anyone else while I was gone?"
His grave tone was very telling, yet all the same confusing to you in your docile state. You muttered between breathy moans, for he continued to punish you with his hard thrusts.
"Nâ NoâŚ."
There was only him. You didn't care for anyone else.
"Then why am I smelling another man on you?"
You broke through the stupor at his stern and reprimanding tone. You looked at Matt, eyes wide, to see the furrow of frustration in his brows, the frown on the beautiful curves of his lips. All with his hard, deep thrusts into your greedy cunt. You realized he meant it, every word. He exuded control, even in this situation when he was supposed to let go, forget, lose himself in you, and allow you the same things.
The scent he mentioned that had you scrunch your nose with a mild aversion was strong, repugnant, and belonged to Jude - your colleague. You went out for happy hour with some people from work, and Jude felt more than friendly with you after two drinks. He draped an arm over you, and despite your polite and firm rejection, he kept pushing for something more until your mood was soiled, and you left abruptly.
You figured Matt caught a whiff of the other man's cologne, and he was not happy.
"No, no, there is only you. No one else."
He pulled out, which made you whine at the loss. Your hips jutted up to find his cock, begging him to spear into you again. You groaned in frustration, swatting a hand on his firm chest. He kept teasing you with the tip of his cock, barely touching your folds, driving you crazy, and you couldn't take it anymore.
"Please ⌠I missed you. I need you."
You wouldn't cry, but at that moment, you felt like you could. All in the name of his cruelty.
"Prove it."
That was all you needed. With one leg hooked over Matt's thigh, you maneuvered him onto his back to put yourself on top. From your new point of view, he was divine. Hair ruffled, unseeing eyes shone with a hint of mischief and please, full lips parted and inviting for all the troubles you could find yourself in. You wiggled your hips, finding his cock with one hand before sinking down on his girth until he bottomed out inside you. The wide head reached your end, nudging at that spot inside you that made your brain fuzzy. You couldn't help but shudder, revelling in the feeling of him going deeper than before. After a long moment of soaking it all in, you started bouncing on his cock, settling into the familiar rhythm you missed. A hand grazed your thigh until it dropped onto your hip, helping you to meet his upward thrusts. The tingling sensation raced across your spine, making you arch into him. Matt drew your breast into his mouth, sucking on the supple flesh sloppily. His tongue flicked over the hardened nipple, teasing your frazzled nerves with his skillful mouth. The composition of needy moans pouring from your throat was silk in his ears, hauntingly beautiful. It made him ache for you when he couldn't come around. You brought his hand to your chest, giving the scarred knuckles and long fingers a squeeze. He understood your wordless beseech and started playing with your bosom in his rough palm.
Matt pulled his skilled mouth from your breast with a pop, his unsighted eyes hooded and dazed with lust.
"Look at you. So desperate for me. Use me to get off."
With your current position, he went impossibly deep. He pressed a hand to your tummy, feeling the little bulge there every time you lowered until your folds met the heavy base.
"Take me so well. You want my seeds deep in your guts, don't you?"
You couldn't manage an answer, only pathetic whimpers. Matt's words stroked a fire in your lower belly, spurring you to pick up the pace.
"I'll pump you so full of my cum, you'll feel me for days.
You threw your head back, feasting yourself drunk with his bedroom talk.
"I'll fill you up until you're swollen with my child. Others will know you belong to me."
Your eyes snapped open as you faltered, and your pace gradually slowed. There wasn't a hint of frivolity on Matt's face in the way he planted his footing on your mattress so he could fuck up into you. Your heart was torn between the sheer exhilaration from his want to possess you in that way and your uncertainty about the same thing. But you didn't have a choice in the matter as Matt locked you in place with his hands on either side of your hips, pulling you down onto his punishing thrusts. The only way you could go was up and down.
The squelching of your cunt on his cock was sinful; your juice created an obscene, messy ring at the base, coating his balls in your arousal. Your walls squeezed him tightly, and a corner of Matt's lips lifted in a complacent smirk. He knew when someone was afraid, and you were far from it. Even though you didn't say it, deep down inside, you were excited at his promise of putting a child in you. He wanted to mark you in every way possible out of fear that you would slip away from his grasp. What he didn't know was that every atom of you had already belonged to him.
You believed him and his threat, punctuated with hard thrusts. Matt's face contorted in a euphoric determination with deadly focus as an indication of how much he meant it. Matt was jealous, which showed in the way his arms were shackled to your body, chaining you to him while he rutted into you, taking you, claiming you as his. Not even the bounds of your bedroom could stop him from letting anyone who dared to make an advance toward you know that you belonged to him. You would be swollen with his child, and that would be enough for when he wasn't around.
His possessiveness over you and the fact he wanted to pump you full of his seeds made your core flutter, milking him for all his worth, forcing him to fulfill his promise. You wanted to feel his spent leaking out of your folds as you dozed off from exhaustion so he could fill you up again when the morning came. You locked him between your thighs, your walls clamped tight onto his aching shaft, begging him for the hot fluid you deserved. Matt came with a broken grunt, spilling deep in your guts, triggering your own release. His warmth spread in your core, painting your inner walls white with a generous blessing, and you could feel it trickle down due to your position on top. Matt put you on your back again with a swift and effortless shift, with his cock still inside. The movement stirred at the spongy spot inside you, ripping a sharp cry from your throat. Matt found your hips with his hands, angling your bottom so his cum would stay inside. There was so much that it overflowed, the white fluid seeping through the snug space between his cock and your abused cunt.
Matt pulled his softening cock out and ran two fingers through your wet folds, pushing his cum back inside you. You stayed like that for a long moment, Matt's hands stroking your clammy skin softly, bringing you down from the high. Matt placed a kiss on your sensitive clit, tasting his essence and yours, satisfied with how his seeds had stayed in their rightful place.
He gently placed you on the bed again, pulling the ruffled duvet over your naked body before getting off; the mattress dipped with every movement. Tears stung your eyes as you could hear the familiar rustles of clothes. But this time, you didn't let them fall to your cheeks. You grasped at his wrist, putting a stop to his automatic routine. You wanted to have him to yourself, even if it was just one night.
"Stay with me. Please."
Matt could pretend he didn't know what compelled him to stay, but he knew it was you. The sheer vulnerability in your voice. The little quiver that you tried to hide. Every little thing about you. It was strange to see you slip through his reserved demeanour, reaching for something you found within him. Something that made you want him. After what he had done moments before, Matt would condemn himself for lying to you, for not securing his place in your personal space. He deserved it, Matt thought, with a little uncertainty and his hope high. He deserved you.
Abandoning his clothes on the floor, Matt climbed into your bed again. Once he settled down underneath the duvet, you gravitated towards him, putting a tentative hand on his torso, afraid that he would deny you of something so small and insignificant. But he didn't push you away, and you quickly succumbed to the fatigue, much easier and better with his warmth.
He would leave once you fell asleep, Matt told himself. But he, too, surrendered to your warmth and safety, something he thought he would never find in anybody else. When the morning came, Matt would find himself drifting closer to you, his limbs tangled with yours. And for the first time in a long time, he would feel peace instead of the constant need to run, to hide, to conceal himself. Matt would stay then, and many nights after that, for he was in no rush to be anywhere else but beside you.
*Likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!*
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â˘Morning Afterâ˘
â¨Pairingâ¨: trucker!Ari Levinsonxblack!reader
SummaryđŞ: Itâs the morning after the New Years Eve office party, and Ariâs not proud of what he did
â ď¸: a couple bad language words, mentions of workplace harassment, violence (man-man), implied nudity, implied c-warming, mentions of negative self-talk, overthinking, rest is all fluff and softness
*DISCLAIMER!: although collage was made by me, I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP of pictures used as they were all found on Pinterest*
Ariâs the first to wake slowly blinking his eyes as they adjust to the newly orange-yellow glow filling the bedroom. The warm air from your nostrils tickling the side of his neck as you cling to him - still connected from your intimate night that carried into the early hours of the morning. A tired smile curls along his mouth peeking down at your pouted lips and angelic features still lulled away in sleep.
Youâd more than likely fuss at him later once you saw the wildly disheveled state of your hair, but heâd gladly take it happy that the both of you were back to normal. For the most part that is.
The crunch of that initial punch along with your creep of an ex co-workerâs bruised and bloodied face flashes in his mind remembering the party. How he was so blinded by rage he couldnât hear or see anyone but Leon, the man that dared hurt Ariâs goddess of a wife.
Hand gliding along your back, a sliver of guilt begins to spread through his chest. Not at what he did - part of him even wished he didnât stop when he had him on the ground - but the fact he couldâve hurt you. Being so laser-focused, if you tried pulling him away he doesnât know what wouldâve happened. If he wouldâve just ignored youâŚor worse.
Were you afraid of him now?
You didnât seem that way last night, but once you finally awoke remembering the party yourself, what would you think then?
A small whimper leaves your body at the loss of fullness that was your husband, as he carefully detangles himself trying not to wake you. He pulls the bedsheet higher to cover your bare back after you snuggle deeper into his pillow, unconsciously sighing having his scent again.
Putting on his boxers, his feet lightly pad to the living room in front of one of the wide windows pointed towards the city bustling with life and people on the go. His mind sinking deeper and deeper while he stood there with arms crossed against his muscular chest.
Sheâs gonna leave you. She hates you now. She sees you as a monster. Youâre a terrible person.
So consumed, he doesnât realize heâs been out there just standing in front of the window nearly gnawing his thumbnail to the tender meat below. Or that youâve since woken up, brushed your teeth, and are now sliding in front of him wearing only his white tank.
Your arms wrapping around his middle and lips on the center of his chest finally break him of his trance as he looks down at your giddy smile. âMorning bubbas.â
âMorning gorgeous,â he chuckles kissing the top of your forehead.
âWhat are you doing out here?â
âJust..uhâŚlooking.â Your hands move to his hips leaning back to look him in the eyes. That familiar, uncertain glint making concern settle in the pit of your stomach while your forehead creased.
âYouâre lyingâŚwhatâs wrong?â
âItâs nothing.â
âAri, what did we just talk about last night? We tell each other when somethingâs up from now on, so tell me.â
Gripping the edge of the counter, he sighs trying to place his many thoughts into one sentence. âIâŚI was thinking about last night. Everything that happened.â
âOkay. And what about last night?,â you ask rubbing along his back. His gaze falls to where your other hand still sits on his hip breaking your heart at how hurt he appeared.
âWhat I did,â he quietly confesses. âHow I didnât want to stop.â
âAri you were angry, but you did stop. Itâs okay-,â
âI couldnât hear youâŚI could tell you were saying something when I was over him, but it was like dull noise. And then I think of if you still had my arm what-,â
Your shushes as your palms caress each bearded cheek is enough to stop his rambling, but you can still practically hear his mind going a mile a minute with different scenarios.
âHey donât go down that road, okay? Everything wouldâve been fine.â
âBut we donât know that for sure,â Ari whispers with eyes beginning to redden.
When that first tear drops, it takes all you have not to join him. If ever there was a moment you wished to get inside his mind it was now. Youâd erase all the extra noise drowning out your voice so he could truly believe what you were saying.
See for himself that he could never harm you.
âBubba listen, just because you had a moment doesnât mean thatâs who you are. I know youâd never purposely hurt me.â
Ari just stays quiet, gazing at you with those soft eyes as your thumbs trace along his cheekbones.
âI just donât want you to look at me differently. Or start being afraid of me.â
âNo, baby Iâd never,â you coo giving him the biggest hug you could, as if trying to transfer all your love - your own heart even - to the man in front of you. Heâd told you in the past how he had a bit of a temper in his younger pre-teen to teen years, getting into a handful of fights for stupid reasons. You didnât think he thought of himself as a terrible person from it though.
âYouâre the sweetest, kindest man Ari Levinson with a huge heart and gentle soul to match. I saw that the moment we met and still saw it last night. That anger was just you acting off your protective instincts papa bear.â
Hearing his soft chuckle as the corners of his mouth curl upwards warms your chest that he could be starting to feel better. Even if only slightly.
Clutching your wrist, he bends down to peck your waiting lips before resting his forehead against yours. Strands of his coconut brown hair tickling your cheeks.
âI love you,â he whispers. âSo much.â
âLove you too,â you smile. His soft lips fall on yours again occasionally nipping and smiling in between for the next few minutes before youâre both standing in comfortable silence holding each other close. Neither of you wanting to be the first to let go.
â˘
Settling into the vanilla scented water, Ari leans back far enough to dip his head in leaving his hair damp as he drains the excess down his back. Youâre next to enter the elongated tub wrapping your legs around his hips from behind so your front is almost pressed into his sculpted and freckled back. His larger hands smooth along your shins while you squeeze a good amount of his milk and honey shampoo in your hands before lathering it into his hair and scalp.
You have to bite your lip to hide your giggles hearing his little moans as you massage and lightly scratch along his skull.
âFeels good?,â you ask to which he moans again giving you your answer.
âRemind me to thank your parents for blessing you with those hands next time we see them.â
âSure, like that wonât be an awkward conversation waiting to happen,â you both chuckle.
After rinsing and repeating, next is to condition his silky mane where you notice he becomes quiet again.
âDidnât fall asleep on me did you?,â you jokingly ask trying to keep the mood light as it was seconds prior.
âNo..not yet at least,â he softly laughs. âI justâŚâ
He wasnât sure if now was the right time to bring it up - nor how you would react - but he wanted everything on the table. All the possibilities of what your ex-coworker did had nibbled enough at his brain and imagination. With a short sigh, Ari affectionately squeezes your calf as he turns to peer over his shoulder at you, âI understand if youâre not ready to talk about it now or even tomorrow..but at some point I wanna know what he did sweetheart.â
The moment Leon entered the building and shifted your entire evening for the worst, you knew this conversation would have to follow. Especially having a protective and concerned husband like Ari.
â..I know,â you whisper.
Enough time had passed that you felt you were ready. At least you thought so before letting your mind wander back to all those months ago. Slightly leaning up to remove his wash rag from its plastic hook, you busy yourself with washing his back in small circles wishing for that uneasy feeling in your stomach to finally leave you be.
Having dealt with it before, Sophia explained to you how it was tied to anxiety - no doubt stemming from your incident.
Carefully turning his chiseled body as to not splash soapy water onto the rug and floor, he pulls you onto his lap where you try to proceed with gently rubbing the cotton cloth and shower gel against his neck and chest, but he grabs your hands stopping you instead. Discarding the cloth in the water behind him before kissing your wet knuckles then your forehead. It was his silent way of saying, âIâm here. I got you.â
âWell, I guess everything started a little before we met. He was transferred from a sister office, and placed to work with me on an account. At first, things were fine and he was just the friendly co-worker. Heâd bring in donuts, bagels, ask our coffee orders. Looking back though, part of me thinks he was doing that to earn our trust so when heâd eventually show his true colors, weâd second guess ourselves. I probably seem paranoid thinking that though.â
Droplets from his hand falls to the still water below as he tilts your chin to look into his sympathetic eyes. âNo, not at all gorgeous.â His loving gaze never fails in warming your cheeks and sending tingles through your chest.
It was the closest you could come to blushing.
âMaybe a couple weeks after, he got a little handsy when walking past me - touching my shoulders or arm you know? I know some people are just touchy like that so I brushed it off. Then it seemed like right when you came in the picture, he amped things up.â
Your mother did always warn you as soon as you were with someone, guys would come out of every crack and crevice seemingly wanting you. Itâs like they had some sort of antenna alerting them another manâs territory needed to be challenged.
âHeâd mention us going to eat or for drinks sometime and I declined. I tried to be nice about it-,â
âIn that instance fuck being nice. No is No. Doesnât matter how you deliver it,â your husband states meaning every word from his semi-stern tone.
âWell, he seemed to take it and didnât bother me anymore for a little bit, but then..â
Ariâs hands rub along your back as you take a breath surprisingly starting to feel the emotions of that day all over again. âThatâs enough sweetheart, you donât have to-,â
âBut I want to though.â Gently nodding, he sweetly kisses your forehead and waits until youâre ready to talk. Both of you ignoring how cool the water around you had become and your wrinkled hands and feet.
âOne night I was walking out the door and he followed behind saying how he had a question about an account. So we walked to my car - whole time Iâm answering the questions and heâs listening..or so I thought. Then he randomly mentioned how I smelled good and before I knew it he..he caged me in against the driverâs door.â A couple tears fall to your cheeks that Ariâs more than happy to wipe away for you. âHe tried to kiss me, and I shouldâve ran or did something but I just froze. I was basically a deer in the headlights until I could feel his breath on my neck a-and then I finally pushed him away.â
Wrapping you in a tight hug, he steadily rocks you back and forth letting you sniffle into the side of his neck until you were calmed down enough to speak again. A muffled, âIâm sorry,â tumbling from your lips onto his skin breaks his heart that youâd think you did something wrong.
âSorry?,â he asks pulling away so he could hold your face between his strong yet careful hands. âYouâre not to blame for his behavior gorgeous.â
âI know, but I shouldâve said something earlier. And that night I shouldâve been strong enough to fight, scream. Do something! Even Wallace offered to go to our manager for me because he saw some of what he was doing and knew I was uncomfortable, but I said no.â
âAll because you were scared, which is a normal response,â he adds. âYou might not feel it, but you are strong. For pushing him away. For saying something after. And so so brave honey. You know how proud of you I am?â
âYea?,â you weakly smile.
âHell yea!â Your light giggle is music to his ears as he leans in to repeatedly peck your plump lips until heâs had his fill. Noticing you shiver, he stands pulling you up with him before he bends down to let out the bath water.
âI guess we stayed in a little too long huh?,â he chuckles.
âJust a little.â
âHow about we try this again with a shower, then stay in bed the rest of the day?â
You nod as he pulls the curtain shielding you both from the rest of the bathroom and turning the shower head on. âWith snackies?â
âOh of course!â
And just as he said, you both spent the rest of the day, and well into the night, wrapped in your white comforter snuggled together. A mix of bags and boxes of your favorite snacks scattered around you and warmth filling the both of you happy for the small, impenetrable bubble that was you and Ari.
A/N: Iâll be honest Iâm not 100% on the ending, but then again maybe itâs just me being hard on myself (which is a common occurrenceđ). Anywho, I hope you guys like this little follow up, and youâre having a great weekendâşď¸! Iâve been needing a bit of extra comfort so donât be surprised if you see more Ari fluff on your feed from me lol
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Hey - you said repeaters welcome so here I am đ
If youâve watched Scenes from a Marriage, I need ya thots /HC for Levy:
BEST FRIEND.
Jonathan Levy x f!reader.
Warnings: mentions toxic relationship, mentions cheating, does this count as cheating too?, angst, smut, fluff, swearing.
Requested by: @boredzillenial
Author's Note: bestie the gif u send is so MWAH cheeky beefy oscar isaac ass đ¤ if u dont mind, i added in a small story line because u swear this man deserves better. mira fucked him up smh (tbh i have no idea what im writing have mercy on me)
Summary: you're Jonathan Levy's best friend, always been in love with him even after he got married. But then it crumbles down and you proved that you treat him better.
MINORS DNI
My immediate thought is like: oh childhood besties with Jonathan instead of the usual teacher-student relationship. I think it adds more drama, you know?
Imagine being so in love with this man for years, but he's blind. He marries Mira and to add salt to the wound you were his best man, or rather best woman. Holding in tears because you thought to yourself 'Surely, I'd move on.'
You two grow up, still closer and you watched him make a family of his own while you work a decent job and end up drinking at the end of the day. Partners come and go, but none of them made you feel the same way Jonathan did. And Jonathan barely did shit.
You knew it was wrong pining for a married man, but you hoped some day Jonathan sees that Mira treats him like shit. You didn't want to upset him since you're his best friend. The one person who knew everything about him even after setting boundaries since he got married.
Were you surprised when Jonathan calls you over and tells you Mira cheated on him? Of course not. You called up a babysitter for Ava and went to hit up a bar, drowning in his sadness.
"What does she have that keeps you... I don't know... loving her? What's so different that you keep crawling back to her."
He couldn't reply. Jonathan stared at you, remembering all the times you two talkedâ the ones where he's always ranting about his married life, the struggles and the stress. You always just sat there and listened to him. You never straight out voiced your opinion about Mira.
"What else do you think of her?"
"She's a bitch. I mean seriously, you two have a daughter and she pulls this shit. Anyoneâ and I mean everyone can treat you better than she does."
You always did speak the truth when you're drunk. So this was different.
"You packed her shit too. If I were you, I would've burned everything she owned. Did I ever tell you of the ex boyfriend I had? Changed his shampoo to hair remover."
"That's a bit extreme."
"Your face is a bit extreme."
You always knew just how to make him laugh, even with childish insults. No words were exchanged between the two of you, Jonathan stared at you, scanning your features. Something about you was different. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he's just barely tipsy.
Next thing he knew, he kissed you. He realized that he loved you more than a best friend normally did. He was in love.
Even if it took your whole lives, you thanked whoever the fuck made him realize he loved you (me).
In the middle of your kissing session, he pulls away only to take off his glasses, even touching the lenses despite wanting to keep it fingerprint-free.
His daughter's asleep, baby sitter's gone. You two stumbled into his house, lips locked. Jonathan wasted no time getting you into his bedroom (well, him and Mira's bedroom) and taking your clothes off.
Not only was this the perfect revenge, this was a perfect moment. Your wildest dreams finally coming true.
Jonathan fucksâ no, he makes love. He's slow, making you feel good. He's definitely a giver. He peppers you non-stop with kisses. You leave scratches and marks on his body. The pleasure is too much. You were happy that night.
The next morning, breakfast in bed and a kiss on your forehead. Clearly, he didn't regret anything from last night. Jonathan really realized he loved you and you loved him.
Let's just say that you practically lived in his house at this point. Mira comes home to find Jonathan fucking you on the kitchen counter.
"You slut-!"
"You can't say shit, you cheated on him you fucking cunt!"
You successfully landed a harsh slap across Mira's face before getting pulled away by Jonathan. He carries you back into his bedroom and he cups your face with a smile.
"Did it feel good?"
"Yeah. Been wanting to do that since she broke the mug I gave you if I'm being honest."
Jonathan kicked Mira out, and you two spent the night making love to each other. Jonathan was rightâ everything Mira hated about him, you loved. You were absolutely better than her.
Their divorced finalized, and Jonathan got full custody of Ava. You moved in and brought life to their dull house.
For your birthday, he bought you a piano... an expensive one at that. He loved hearing you play.
He's the type to pick you small flowers every day and you have an album filled with pressed flowers. Before you go to work, he would slip a sticky note in your bag and you would find it while working and can't help but smile.
You make his lunches. He's always liked your cooking. You were definitely levels up from pathetic dinner tupperware spaghetti.
You even pack Ava's lunch for school, making notes like
Have a good day, sweetie! I love you â¤ď¸
For Jonathan, it's always confessions of love. Even if at this point you two should be married.
Love you for as long as the stars shine â¤ď¸
He can't help but smile like a fool during lunch. Even brags about the food you make.
He was in the middle of a lesson when he realized he wanted to marry you. As soon as class ended, he sprinted to Tiffany & Co. and bought you a diamond ring that suited you.
He was just utterly in love with you. One day, playing your piano, you looked ethereal that he grabbed the ring and got down on one knee. He just loved you too much.
You two spent the rest of your days more and more in love than that day in the bar along with your children. He couldn't ask for anyone better. You were the one for him, no one else.
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