#just hearing us talk about our own experiences and telling her she was trying her best and that's what matters

[gender-euphowrya]

had a trans meetup today and a mom who recently learned her kid was trans and was clearly in distress about it came to ask for advice and all and ough my heart

#i Love moments like these THATS WHY WE HAVE THE MEETUPS #so we can help each other and anyone who needs it #she accepted her daughter she was just having a hard time with using the right pronouns and name #and she was so worried that she would be making her kid miserable by getting it wrong #idk something about people coming together to help each other like that #she was almost crying with joy when she left after we had reassured her like she felt so much better #just hearing us talk about our own experiences and telling her she was trying her best and that's what matters #something something my existence is making someone else's easier #and she was like. really sweet she kept apologizing like SORRY i'm probably using the wrong words and being so rude... #and we were like noooo don't worry we know you're new to this it's ok you're doing your best

[ghelgheli]

i would actually like to hear more of your thoughts on whipping girl, whenever you feel ready enough to talk about it. i've only ever heard positive recommendations for it. i was thinking of reading it. i've read one or two introductory 101 texts on transmisogyny as well as some medium/substack posts, and always looking to read more as a tme person. ty!

thanks for asking! I'm gonna try to be concise because I'm stuck on my phone for the month, but here are my thoughts on whipping girl:

serano is at her strongest in the book in three areas: manifestations of transmisogyny in media (e.g. how trans caricatures pervade movies), the history of medical institutions developing a pathology of transsexuality (like the diagnostics of blanchard et al. or how trans people seeking healthcare were and continue to be forced into acting out prescribed expressions and manufacturing memories), and the construction of her own transition narrative (telling the reader what it was like for her to grow up desiring femininity in a way that confused her, the experience of crossdressing, the effects of hrt for her)

whenever she's just sticking to this, I think she effectively communicates a lot that the unaware reader could benefit from—even many trans women/transfems/tma people who are otherwise in tune with the history of medicalized transsexualism and our popular depictions could probably benefit from her own personal narrative, by nature of how variegated our experiences can be.

unfortunately I think the book fails at its primary—stated—goal, which is to theorize about transmisogyny. in the big picture this is a bifurcated failure:

on one branch of her argument, she remains committed to there being something biologically essential/innate about gender. this manifests thru multiple claims: that we have "innate inclinations" toward masculinity/femininity and "subconscious sex" rather than what I believe, which is that the latter are constructed categories imposed on different matrices of behaviour/expression/desire in different cultural contexts; that there is "definitely a biological component to gender" (close paraphrase) after a discussion of how she believes E and T tend to affect people (thus equivocating gender with dominant hormones!); that we have such a thing as "physical sex" which is the composition of our culturally decided "sex characteristics" (don't ask me how the dividing line is drawn) even as she says we should stop using "biological sex" as a term; that there is "no harm" in agreeing that "sex" is largely bimodal with some exceptions; that social constructionism is necessarily erasure of transsexual experiences in early childhood... altogether she is unwilling to relinquish arguments about the partial "innateness" of femininity/masculinity and gender. this is at tension with her admission on several occasions that these are neither culturally/geographically nor temporally stable concepts! but that doesn't seem to be a line she can follow thru on.

on another, intertwining branch, she engages in what I think is a deep and widespread mistake in the theorizing of transmisogyny: reducing it (mechanistically) to what she calls effemimania* or essentially anti-femininity. it is her stated thesis at the start that masculinity is universally preferred to femininity. she doesn't offer a definition of either term until one of the final chapters, where she defines them as the behaviours and expressions associated with a particular gender. but I think this reduction just misunderstands transmisogyny. it is even in tension with an observation she makes early on, that trans women are often punished for their perceived masculinity! but again, this is a thought she seems unable or unwilling to follow thru with.

my problem with the thesis is that masculinity and femininity do not float free of gender—it is not possible to speak of their valuation in the abstract. anyone who grew up as a masculine cis girl and never "grew out" of that "phase" can attest to the violence wrought upon expressions of masculinity from women. and this applies doubly so to the subjects of transmisogyny! not only are we punished for any perceived bleed-through of masculinity from our supposed "underlying male selves", those of us who are willingly masculine and thriving as mascs are punished for our failure to conform to the rules of the normative womanhood that is imposed on us (just as we are punished for any willing femininity as "false" and predatory upon cis womanhood—observe that transmisogyny is reactive degendering in every case!).

on both branches serano makes only perfunctory remarks about the intersections with race, class, and colonialism. "sex" as such was made to only be accessible to the "civilized", most of all the white european! for a racialized person and particularly a Black person navigating gender the waters are just not the same; the signifiers of sex neither available in the same way, nor granted the same medical legitimacy. what is the "physical sex" of someone who is de-sexed altogether? how can gender have a "biologically innate" component when its expressions between the bourgeoisie and the working class are at total odds with one another? this all goes for the masculine/feminine distinctions as well. what sense is there in the claim that we have innately masculine/feminine inclinations when globally (and transmisogyny has been made global!) what is feminine and masculine can be very nearly mirrored? nor is "masculinity is always considered superior to femininity" innocent of obviating race. transmisogynoir adds yet further degendering thru the coercive masculinization of someone as a Black woman—masculinization as punishment, again!

and as a final point, the account fails to be materialist. there is no attempt to place transmisogyny in its role as an instrument of political economy or, as jules gill-peterson might say, as a tool of statecraft. it is just a psychological response to the way the world is, as far as serano has anything to say about it. but how did the world become that way, and why?? serano's solution, the abolition of what she calls gender entitlement, is naive to the fact that gender entitlement is necessary to the maintenance of the capitalist state, which is structured thru patriarchy and built on colonialism. it is not possible to reskin this into something innocuous!

this is why I cannot recommend whipping girl as a work about transmisogyny except at the most shallow level. it could be a helpful critical read, but imo, it is just wrong about transmisogyny.

#ask answer #whipping girl #text

[sayuri-of-the-valley]

On how Crowley and Aziraphale felt during the kiss (but mainly Crowley here):

Ok so first, the main idea for this huge meta is that a LOT of us noticed how the music from the kiss scene is similar to the nebula one, right?

Second, a lot of us also correctly noticed the parallels between the kiss and how it was to taste food for the first time for Aziraphale: bc of his reactions, the hand on lips, the similar way MS acted both scenes, the little inhale etc. So how was it for Crowley?

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss is practically a puzzle to solve on its own, so it's fun to analyse it, but basically, in a few words, Aziraphale kissed Crowley and he discovered he was physically starving for him, longing for him, yearning for him, for his kiss, and he had no idea. Just like with the ox. And now he needs to gorge himself in him but he can't. Great amazing heartbreaking chef's kiss someone give MS an Emmy.

But there's already so much amazing meta out there about Aziraphale x Ox ribs x The Kiss that I want to focus on Crowley here, and on the music.

So back to the music. The song in "Before the Beginning" and the song that plays during The Kiss (I Forgive You + Don't Bother) are so similar. They're not *exactly* the same, but they're totally reminiscent of each other. The viewer is immediately reminded of those chords that played in the opening scene. It's no coincidence that the fandom was talking about this fact only minutes after first watching those final fifteen minutes. This is an obvious intentional choice for storytelling reasons (David Arnold is a genius).

I have no expertise whatsoever when it comes to music, so I asked our friend @otsanda to see if that made sense and not only it does and she explained it, but she also uncovered so much more hidden meaning in all of it (musicians are amazing), so check out her meta about the music that not only serves as evidence to what I'm proposing here but it also has so much more juicy information in it 💖.

Back to the point: WHY thought? Why choose a similar song? Why intentionally COMPOSE a similar song for that moment?

Hear me out. WHAT IF, by reminding the audience of the creation of the nebula, they meant to convey to us that, for Crowley, kissing Aziraphale gave him the same feeling that creating his stars did?

THAT'S what the music is telling us. THAT'S why it makes us remember "Before the Beginning". It may sound cheesy, but Crowley may have literally seen stars when he kissed Aziraphale. He couldn't react accordingly (just like Aziraphale couldn't), bc it was an overwhelming and extremely sad moment (the music is also telling us that) for both of them. They knew it was ending . They were both having a moment of huge revelation that was fated to not come to completion. Crowley was right, it was too late.

It makes sense to show Crowley's feelings through the music, bc he was the one who started the kiss, and also he was wearing sunglasses in that scene, it's different from a character like Aziraphale that has all his million expressions for everyone to see at all times. And they've been doing this ever since s1 with the Queen songs that play in his car or in the background.

So my point is: the same song being used there makes me wonder if kissing Aziraphale finally gave him what he lost. His purpose. What Aziraphale was trying to give back to him by taking him back to heaven. There's no need for Heaven. Just kiss him, Aziraphale, and there he'll find the stars you want to give back to him. There you will one day see that smile on his face you saw Before The Beginning. Neil Gaiman and David Arnold I am in your walls 😭

This is what may lead us to see this happiness in Crowley again (not the action of kissing itself, of course, but what it represents to their relationship, them being together, them being an Us).

As @otsanda said: from the music we can interpret that that moment was a Revelation for them. Almost a religious experience. Crowley found his purpose again. What he'd been missing the whole season (or even his whole life since the Fall, but we've seen him especially depressed this season).

I'm not even getting into the poetry of how one can interpret the parallel to the angel's reaction to the kiss as carnal, and the demon's as religious; that would be another whole essay but let's just agree that it's incredibly beautiful. (Let me be clear that I mean here Aziraphale's reaction is carnal specifically for Crowley, and Crowley's is religious specifically for Aziraphale, not religious as in "worshipping god")

"Do you ever wonder what's the point?" Crowley asked in s2e1. The point, for him, is Aziraphale (if you've seen The Good Place you know what I mean). I hope he figured this out with that kiss, even as heartbreaking as it was. Even if it was a (temporary) separation kiss. (I hope Aziraphale figures this out with time too, that he's more than enough to make Crowley happy, that Crowley doesn't need Heaven, or stars, that Crowley needs him.)

Maybe that's why Crowley didn't leave and kept waiting outside until the very last moment.

Aziraphale and Crowley both bit the apple at the end of s2. There's no turning back from that Knowledge now.

Edit: I just have to add here this brilliant colour analysis of the nebula scene by @halemerry. And it's pointed out that during the nebula formation there's a moment when it looks like two people embracing. And the fact that a similar song is used in the actual Kiss scene I just... I have no words

#good omens 2 #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens kiss #my meta #good omens meta #before the beginning #i forgive you #don't bother #crowley #purpose #knowledge #music #david arnold #reactions to the kiss #the angel's carnal reaction vs the demon's religious experience

[muxshwriting]

too sweet

Bob Floyd x reader

summary: he’s just too sweet for the world || warnings: general navy warnings (trauma, crashes) || word count: 818 || masterlist

You're sitting at the bar, nursing a beer. Your hair is falling in front of your face but you can't be bothered to tuck it back up again.

A young man with gelled hair and slipping glasses slowly makes his way over to the bar, leaning over to order another drink of his own before settling into the stool next to you. You don't even glance at him but you suppose he takes your silence as an invitation.

"Are you alright?"

You frown, turning to face him. "What?"

The man's eyes widen and he stutters out a reply, "You're sitting by yourself and you look a little sad. Are you alright?"

"Trust me man, I'm fine by myself."

He nodded. "My name's Bob."

You turn to look at his properly, intending to tell him to leave you alone to your misery. But you catch one glance at the look of pure sincerity and kindness in his eyes and stop yourself. "I'm Y/N."

Bob nodded. "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Baltimore but I live in San Diego at the moment." You gesture to the beachside bar you're at. "... Obviously." A small smile graces your face and you see Bob's own grow.

You continue talking, actually enjoying spending time with Bob and letting the tension drip from your shoulders. Talking is easy with you but the more you learn about Bob, the more you want to walk away. See, he's such a nice guy, the best kind in fact.

He's the kind of guy who shouldn't have to deal with someone like you. You're an unreliable friend, always running the risk of being called away by the navy. It was the whole reason you couldn't hang on to your high school or college friends, everyone moved to different parts of the country and you were constantly moving. You would make friends one place and then have to move somewhere else, often being stationed overseas or at different stations.

But there was nothing to stop you from enjoying this night with him. It didn't have to mean anything. You were two strangers at the bar, being company for a night and then never seeing each other again.

"Robert?" You check. "Has anyone ever called you Bobby?"

Slowly, he shakes his head. "Not until now. It’s always been Bob."

"Well, Bobby, I’m gonna change that."

Bobby seemed to register your words as he finished his beer. "Um… I should go." He said quietly, standing up.

"Why? You got a girl waiting for you at home?" You tease him slightly in good nature .

"…I got church in the morning." He shifts from foot to foot.

"Oh." Bobby really was too good for this world. "Ok. It was nice meeting you."

In the coming weeks, you push the sweet guy out of your mind, focusing on work and relishing the longer days as summer drawls in. It’s never a quiet day at the Navy, especially at Miramar. People are always getting hurt, either minor scrapes or the rare occasion of a mechanical failure. Being a medic meant your days were never the same.

Your colleague radio's in a bird strike involving two aviators and you stand in the triage room, worried what kind of injuries are going to roll in. Luckily, the two aviators walk themselves to your room and seem alright as the sit down in chairs. You double take as you see the man's face.

"Bobby?" His name falls from your lips before you can stop yourself. "Sorry."

"Hey Y/N. I didn't realise you were navy."

"I guess it didn't come up in our conversation." You smile wryly at him before refocusing on your task.

Their both fine, no concussions, nothing more than a few bruises and a the mental weight of their experience.

"I’m guessing you’re an aviator then?"

"WSO."

"Even better. Pilots are always cocky." You joke. Phoenix makes a sound of argument as you correct yourself. "The male pilots are always cocky." She smiles at you. "You're great."

"Thanks." She says to you. "I'll try and keep us out of trouble."

You nod gratefully at her. "You better. I don't want to see either of you in my triage again, you hear me?"

Bobby tips an imaginary hat at you. "Yes Ma'am." Phoenix walks out of the room but he hangs back. "Can I take you out for another drink sometime?"

"Bobby- You're a really great guy but I don't think you really know me and my life." You try to reason with him but he doesn't care.

"I'm trying to get to know you." He replies. "I don't care about the problems. We're navy, problem solving is kind of our job."

You laugh under your breath at him. "Alright Bobby, I'll get drinks. You busy tonight?"

You're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape.

taglist: @aoi-targaryen

#bob floyd x reader #bob floyd #top gun maverick #top gun #muxsh #muxshwriting #too sweet #lewis pullman x reader #lewis pullman

[cuddl3s4shur1]

•𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒•

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Earth 42 Miles x F! Y/N

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏: 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍, 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎:Miles owns a business to help with his job as The prowler, he gets a new assistant thats trying to end his marriage .

𝐀/𝐍: I was scrolling on tiktok and let’s just say , I got some inspiration. Lowkey got bored towards the end also it dosent have the much spanish which is ny fault

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆:Cussing,Spanish might be a little choppy ( blame google) IM TRYING YALL IM TRYING For the story HE US AGED UP

Inspired by : Obsessed-Movie and Some random TikTok I saw .

You were at home relaxing ,I mean you couldn’t do that much sense you were 6 months pregnant.

You are waiting fir your husband to come home . You haven’t seen him all day since he goes to work so early.

You hear keys jingle at the door , who could it be…. It’s your husband. He smiles as he sees you getting up to greet him. “. ¿Cómo está mi mamá bebé descalza? (Hows my barefoot baby mama going )“ he jokes to you . “Im doing well baby daddy “ you joke back to him.

“ Cómo te fué en el trabajo ( how did it go at work)“ you ask him as you penguin walk to the couch.

“it was good but rico is on a family vaction, así que tengo que contratar temporalmente a alguien( So I have to hire someone temporarily)“ he tells you

“ok well you know , contratar a alguien que sepa hacer el trabajo (hire someone who knows how to do the job)“ you tell him.

he nods and heads to the bedroom as he stsrt to undo his tye.

You continue to relax , the baby starts to kick your stomach “baby come get your daughter “ you laugh .

“ Qué está haciendo ella ahora(What is she doing now)“ he asks , he walks out of the bedroom in sweatpants and a tank top and sits on the couch next to you .

“Digamos que le gusta patear (Let’s just say she likes to kick)” you say . “Sound like she might like track , cross country or soccer “ he says “I’m thinking soccer, she kicks really hard “ Yall both laugh.

“I need a break from work, you know how i said we are temoraroy hiring people“ he asks you . “Yes babe“ he tells you . “Hiring today was horrible I don’t think people was reading the qualifications for this job like at all “ he tells you , you start to chuckle.

“What happened,” you ask him .

“So this guy comes in , he sits down so I’m like “do you have any experience with research and finance “

So he like “to be honest no, mi mamá dijo que están contratando y no me quiere en su sótano (my mom mama said they hiring and she tired of me living in her basement )“

so I’m like dang ok . “Do you have any experience with cleaning because we have a janitor job” I tell him

“yeah my moms she made me clean and wash dishes , she made me wash the floor and the walls“ he told me

“Ok , I’ll contact you in two weeks to let you know about the  janitor job” I told him

“Yo man thanks “ he said then he walked out .

“Baby , that man was so honest” he says he also made me want to laugh.

“That was definitely something“ you tell him

“I'm going to start with our dinner, tonight we are having chicken with rice “ he says and smiles . “Yum” you tell him

“Voy a ser chef’to(I’m going to be a chef) “ he laughs

“Mhm, tengo mi propio Gordon Ramsey( Mhm , I got my own Gordon Ramsey )you joke

“No no, Soy mejor que eso(I’m better than that)he says .

“oh is that so ,Yo seré el juez de eso(I’ll be the judge of that) “ you tell him.

“Cariño, recibí una llamada del tío( Baby I got a call from uncle), he probably talking about business “ he says . “That’s fine you can answer “ you tell him.

Miles starts talking with his uncle , basically talking about business and other stuff . You usually work him , since you guys are duo “Mrs. Prowler and Mr. Prowler. From then till now , you have experienced all of that job has for offer and you don’t have want that while your pregnant.

He hangs up the phone and really starts cooking . “Baby I got an assistant “ he smiles . “Uncle Aaron chose her and the assistant starts tomorrow “ he says . “That’s good that means you don’t have to worry about hiring “ you say

“Yup and that’s what I like ,Estoy de vuelta en el negocio, cariño(Im back in business baby). “ he says you smile.

“Alright business man how’s the cooking going “ you ask him .

“My bad , ill start now ,No puedo matarte de hambre (I can't starve you) “ he jokes

“At least you know “ you told him.

He cooked and you guys would eat dinner together .

But little did miles know that tommorow he got an assitant from ....

Hell

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @not-aya @html-nae @khamanix

#prowler x reader #the prowler #miles morales prowler #prowler miles morales #atsv prowler #prowler miles #prowler miles x reader #prowler miles morales x y/n #prowler #earth 42 miles x you #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles morales x black!reader #earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 miles #earth 42 miles angst #earth 42 miles fluff

[ov105]

Noise

After dealing with some well-expected writer’s block, here’s the follow up to Hush! It may or may not be a disappointing follow-up for some. I just think it’s aight, though. Nothing too fantastical, but nothing disappointing. I hope you enjoy it as much as I pictured it. 

4,673 words of Park Sieun

Enjoy!

"Yah, that wasn't your first time, wasn't it?"

Sieun asked a little louder after her earlier whisper as we continued down. I just scoffed.

"Eh, no, I mean, not yours either."

"Well," Sieun went shy. Like a flower closing at sunset, shrugging, "When I said it's been a while, eh."

"What?" I quizzed. She went quiet, queasy even, juggling in her head whether to spit out what was on her tongue. I just brushed it off. I couldn't exactly be mad either and badger her about it unless I wanted to end what we'd agreed up there. We also needed to get out of campus.

It was a bit of awkward silence as we entered into the somewhat cold air. By this time, Sieun would've taken her grip off my elbow, but she hadn't. She sighed as we made the street to the gate.

"So, by a while, I've only had sex once."

Sieun waited this long just to tell me that?

"So, what's the deal?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought you wouldn't take it well, somehow," Sieun warily replied, and why would I feel indifferent? It's not exactly a surprise. There are worse.  

"So where'd you pick that up, then?" I asked her, referring to the obvious.

"Manhwa, porn, and some reading," she replied, "and you know, smut."

"Ah, everybody has read at least one," I replied cheekily. Though now, I was the one being questioned by Sieun. Asking me about my own experiences, though mine, in comparison, was not superior, leaving out the bad experiences that made the rest seem like a fairytale to some. She said she felt a bit anxious, though I wasn't lying that it's been a while since I was even nervous. I was not planning on being too much to handle, though I've been told if I just pushed, I might. I was just vanilla.  

Getting on the bus was a little more populated than the library. Luckily, I didn't recognize anybody, nor Sieun, though we sat there as if we weren't planning to fuck almost the whole night. She just had me put my left hand on her thigh, sandwiched between her thighs as she crossed her legs, but it came at the cost of her bag sitting atop it too. Believe me, however, when I say I've seen hands in between legs at earlier hours, some doing further, and others thinking I couldn't hear dirty talk through my headphones just before the songs changed.

It was a quiet ride. Both of us glued to our cell phones, typing away one-handed with my right, my left hand being the restless fingers that made Sieun close her legs further—trying to deter me from teasing her too much in such a risky setting, only going so far as a lip bite and a message from her to "stop playing around."

Maybe she just didn't want me preempting.

Getting off, we made our way through the back of her building. She typically didn't bring her dates in. Not that, at least the ones I've heard of, made it past the bus station. It was just her living alone, save for the weekend visits of her siblings, though we wouldn't be making our way up if that was the case. Opening the door, she seemed to have second thoughts while she looked around quickly from the doorway, then back at me, as she beckoned me inside. Locking the door, it was her show now.

"S-so, yeah, here it is," Sieun said shyly with a smile, her arms in a gesture to present her apartment. It wasn't a chaebol heiress' stable, not by a stretch, but it was enough for an adulting student.

"Just settle in here," she said, opening her bedroom. Then again, nothing unglamorous. I followed her as she placed her bag on the table. I had just put mine down beside a corner of the bed. I bent down to fiddle with something when the lights switched to the nightstand lamp alone, casting a warm orange glow over the dimmed room as Sieun closed the door.

"Stand up."

Sieun put her hands on my shoulders and said, while we stood before the mattress.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to try this."

Try what?

A single push, followed by her trapping me with her whole body as she climbed on the moment I landed. Oh, that's what she wanted to do—crawling until she was right on top of me. Now, in her bedroom, a place where we weren't to be bothered or paralyzed by shame, her hands moved like lightning, planting her lips and hips firmly on me as our hands snaked around without a care in the world—groping, grabbing, kissing—making out like it was the end of it.

Slowly sitting up, we didn't even break away from each other. Save for the moments when our clothes started to come off. As each one began to pile up on the floor until we only had our underwear, our fingers began making their way down. However, she had the headstart as I was busy trying to figure out her bra, luckily, getting it off without her noticing. Timing it, I pulled her leg closer to me. She was a bit surprised.

What I did next made her freeze, moving my lips down and into her neck—sucking hard enough that I felt a shudder, making her grab me. Uttering gibberish that I was unable to understand, so I just continued. Switching left and right as I felt her eyes dart upward and close, resigning herself to a fate that she, in her own words, had dreamed about. I hoped I was up to the task. Making a mess of her neck as her moans started to rise, but still kept a soft tone, as if she was singing.

She was slowly grinding herself on me, with every touch from my fingertips seemingly sending a shock in her system. Her nipples, which I'd lightly pinched as I groped her tits, made her breath shake, so what more if I sucked on them. Knowing how awkward it would be, I told her to turn over.

As Sieun lay down, I continued where I had stopped. Not even matching her gaze as I knew she watched me slowly inch my way downward. Taking my chances, I flicked her nipple with my tongue, a soft moan, then my lips wrapped and tugged at her tit. Sucking even harder made her louder, just as I had thought. Her flesh became softer. She was melting. She was just half-naked, though. Now I could make out what she said.

"Fuck, yes, just keep going."

Then I got my first look at her face—tiny, cute, dainty—scrunched up into a grimacing mess. It made my boxers feel tighter. The excitement got to my head as I licked down her flat stomach. Her trousers came off far easier than her bra, pulling them off along with her panties—another one for the pile.

So there Sieun laid. Naked, with her legs closed, expecting. I just had to keep control of myself. Suddenly, the bed seemed a lot smaller, though there seemed to be enough space for us not to become uncomfortable.

"Well?" Sieun asked, an eyebrow up.

If she thought I was unimpressed. I wasn't.

Opening her legs, I started to kiss her left thigh, only grazing past her pussy as I moved to the right. Sieun shifted as I pretended to leave hickeys on her thighs. Sticking my tongue out as I traced her labia with it, barely missing her clit as I went down the other way. Empty moans left her mouth as I did so, taking swipes tracing up and down her pussy, making her shudder before rounding up and sucking at her clit, making her burst into a moan that was loud enough to fill the room.

Having struck gold, I reached further. Licking Sieun's clit, again and again, the earlier nervous shifting quickly became a growing shuddering that signaled she was just about to lose her grip. There was something in the way she moaned that made me want to just hear her cum, so I kept on. Retracing what I already did to keep scrambling her head, merely reciprocating what she had done to me while at the library. Luckily, she had the luxury of moaning, and with how loud she was getting, I completely understood why.

Rolling my tongue around her clit, Sieun bit her lip, squealing and moaning as I felt her nails digging and grabbing onto the bed. I wasn't counting, but it didn't take long before her legs began to shudder too. From there, I drew circles and sucked on her clit, sometimes softly, sometimes hard, only pulling my tongue away when she seemed to come close to an orgasm.

Grabbing onto her legs, I kept my tongue in constant motion as I listened to her, which switched in pitch faster than hopping frequencies, from low growls, whimpering, mewling, squealing, moaning, and even yelling. Fighting to keep her own body in control as her back was already arching, and with everything else, it looked messy—an exorcism rite of modesty—and could only go further from there. But after one thunderous yell, which she'd shut up by swinging her mouth over, she said.

"Fuck, you eat me out so good," before continuing, "even I can't do this alone."

"You close?" I asked.

Sieun bit her lip as she met my eyes. A naughty smile curled on her lips before she spoke.

"Make me."

"Alright."

Going back down, I pulled a new trick to make it as intense as possible. I readied my middle finger by releasing my left hand from Sieun's leg. Slowly inserting it into her while I was going all in with my tongue, and let out another cry as the appendage split into her wet walls, no doubt aiding in the ease with which it slipped in. Hooking my finger upward, she threw her head back as I gently massaged her with it, stopping momentarily to find the spot that made it work, rubbing it along with my tongue at her clit.

Dramatic as it looked, Sieun was now quieter, her labored, heavy breaths replacing what had been moans. Though her body shook and rattled, her legs closed around my head, only to part, probably realizing it wasn't her wrist between her legs. Meanwhile, I was just enjoying the final lull, listening to her scrambled breaths and occasional moans, the futile scuffling of hands on the bed, and the jerking of her hip, surprising me as my finger and tongue got the best of her.

"F-fuck," she stammered out. The next thing I heard was a squeal. Then, Sieun yelled.

Holding on to her leg, she jerked as her pussy suddenly tightened around my finger. My lips almost lost her clit—an unnecessary gesture by now—as she exploded right before me, her back freezing for a second in an arch before plopping down. So I perked my head up to see the mess I made of her. She was barely holding on—a petite woman's body writhing from her orgasm. Eyes shut, chest rising and falling, mouth gasping for air. The orgasmic high, in all, lasted a minute. It took her another before she breathed herself back into consciousness. An atmosphere of silence replaced the thundering of moments ago.

Sieun's eyes snapped open as she sat up, looking straight down before meeting my gaze. I sat across from her, looking like I hadn't driven her to orgasm just now.

"You're good."

I just shrugged.

She then put her hand on my legs, rubbing it on my thighs before she called me, putting her lips on me and bringing me down slowly. Almost effortlessly, even.

"Alright, my turn."

Repeating the same way I kissed my way down earlier, the difference being my boxers came off faster. Sieun didn't need to do much work beyond that. With a tight grip, a few strokes, and a swift series of licks were all it took to be ready. I was much less nervous this time, though the sensation when her breath brushed my tip still made me shudder a bit. However, as her mouth was about to take my cock, Sieun let go of it. Instead, creeping upward until I was between her legs. She just left it there.

"Sit up."

So I did, with one hand on my neck and the other stroking my cock. I kept my face close to hers while Sieun tried to tease and make out with me.

"Don’t you think we're making out too much?" I quipped.

"Hey, come on now, let's not rush," she replied.

She put her lips back on mine, though this time, she darted her tongue out.

"This isn't a one-night stand, no?" I asked.

I sighed. She knew I knew the answer already.

"Nope."

"So? Why the rush?" she responded.

Sieun just chuckled before closing the gap between us again. Keeping up with me in two places at once, tongues matching and her hand corkscrewing my shaft. Seeing me shift under her sure stoked her ego, but like me, even when she said otherwise, I knew she had done her homework. As she began to slow down, I knew what would come next.

Asking me if I had any rubber, I just told her where it was. Shy enough to still hand me my wallet and hand it to her myself. Switching positions where, in any case, our heads would be on a pillow. As she returned to the bed, she got it from me, tore it open, and unrolled it down my cock. Straddling me, I was under her with my legs open. She gave me one more kiss before pushing me down.

"Here I go," Sieun whispered as she poked my cock up to her pussy. Seeing her throat contract as she swallowed, she looked at me as she stopped holding herself up and sunk downward. She was tight, fitting for her petite frame, straightening herself and giving me a better look at her face, eyes shut, some tinge of pain. Still, the deeper she went, the revival of pleasure. Our faces, mouths slightly ajar, suspended as I felt her warmth go lower on my cock. I could feel my moan building up as she took me all in. She let out a shaky breath while I shifted and pulled my legs back. I was inside her.

Giving herself a second to catch up, Sieun stared at me before slowly lifting up and back down. She did it again a few times, rushing with no regard. Though her expression and body seemed mismatched, the former tried to absorb it all in, almost telling the latter to stop. However, it only wanted to ride deeper. She was forcing herself to take in every last inch she could. Then she stopped, eyebrows furrowing as she met my gaze, and a rush of breaths came from her.

"You okay?"

Sieun nodded.

"You feel good."

She uttered before continuing on short hops, rendering me frozen for a second as the weight of her crashing down on me struck the match. I only remembered being in the middle of things when I felt her hands bearing down on my chest while she leaned forward a bit; amateur move. She was enjoying herself quite a bit.

Sieun was on top now, but I had no promises for later. Not that there were any.  

Grabbing her hands out of my chest, I put them away and placed mine on her thighs. She quickly grabbed on and wrapped her palms around my wrist. Pulling my legs back a bit more must've hit the spot or given her some confidence. Her song began to rise from the low hum they had been to an alternating mix of sighs and full moans, all while giving me a fantastic view of her riding me. I would be lying if I didn't think it was a beautiful sight, even in the dimmed shade.

Picking up her pace, she took her hands behind her, rising higher now while bringing herself down deeper on my cock. Biting our lips as I felt her tight walls squeezing me while I stretched her out nicely, it seemed. No pain. Just pure pleasure emanated from Sieun, catching her eyes looking ahead before they rolled back and shut her eyes. Relaxing but electrified at the same time as my cock kept striking a spot that had her grip weaken then tighten.

By that point, my hand had slid upwards. I held Sieun just below her hip while she switched off whatever safeties she had left in her head. I thought she was about to cum then and there. Not unusual, though far too early for me. Rummaging her hair a bit, she sighed, grit her teeth, then said.

"Fuck, you feel so good!"

Smiling down at me, mirroring her for a second before she went moaning back into the sexed-up mess she was becoming. She didn't even slow down.

I was huffing as I threw my head back. Beginning to zone out while the repeated knocking on my hip matched those of the headboard. Just a few sounds that, at least, signaled to her she wasn't killing me. But behind the consciousness that I wore, behind my face, I was almost out of it. A loss of cohesion just tells how good it felt.  

I only snapped back when she began grinding on me, a muted groan leaving me as Sieun approached my face—kissing me, so much as a peck, cutting it short and leaving me hanging. I sat up.

"Should I keep going?" she asked.

"Oh, shut up," I replied, putting my lips on hers. Chasing what was taken from me. Sieun waited the entire time until, "Yes, keep going."

I sensed a smirk from her, then continued as she held herself with an arm around my shoulder. It was a slow burn. Any faster would make her drain stamina, having nearly run herself dry, grinding her hips in a rough, rolling motion, which contrasted nicely with her earlier bunny antics.

"You sure manhwa taught you this?" I whispered into her ear.

"I rode my pillows," Sieun answered bluntly, "just like this."

I knew she had to pick it up somewhere.

"So what was that earlier?"

"Oh," she chuckled, "I don't know," shyly responding, "maybe you just make me that horny."

"Sure I do," I replied, with some sarcasm.

"You still don't believe me?" she whined.

I just huffed.

"I do. Your confession was just," I paused, "new."

"It’s the thought that counts," she replied, eliciting a laugh.

But it wasn't as if I had her hooked earlier. I just needed to catch her off guard. After a bit, I told her to switch and lie down on the bed. Just as she grabbed the pillow, aping where I had been when she rode me a bit too hard. The difference was that I could hold her. Taking her to the edge of the bed where I was, she still had her hands on the pillow. She put her legs around my waist as I positioned ahead of her, but before she could talk, I cut her off and thrust in. A loud moan left her as she pulled me down.

I didn't know if she squeezed her walls or just the way I was inside her. Sieun felt much tighter. As I thrust deep, a long, mumbling string of words left both of us. Feeling her hips rise along as I repeated, settling into a slow, erotic pace.

Now I understood what made her go too fast earlier. I shudder when it's too cold. I didn't know that being too tight elicited the same. Gritting my teeth as she grabbed my hands. Now it was her trying to keep me from running away. Pulling me in close, then a peck before saying.

"You feel so much deeper like this."

"I know."

Sieun didn't tell me to speed up. She could probably tell I was just as taken aback by it all. Taking a deep breath before I relaxed—and not cum—enough to keep moving. Only going slow, as it might've ended things prematurely. She looked like she did not mind at all, and while she made out with me half of that time just settled things. Couple that with her switching gazes downward before giving me that damned look. She liked it all right. It wouldn't last forever, though.

Sitting up, I grabbed her legs, and with her looking a bit bewildered, I thrust as deep as I could. It was perfect, with my crotch rubbing against hers. Sieun could only moan so loudly as I repeated it, covering her mouth with a palm as she tried to get it under control. I had no intention of letting her do so. Starting to slowly thrust with her legs held high above, each stroke hitting deep, leaving her with a scrunch on her face while taking it in.

Frankly, it could've gone for longer and looked much better when it wasn't me imitating it.

So I let go and kept thrusting the way I did before, just deeper. Sieun seemed to like it more when there weren't too many surprises, her body adjusting to the pleasure and settling down on her own as I took my hands off, placing them above her hips as her legs closed me in again.

I was thinking of switching. I knew it wouldn't mean too much if I might as well cum now. Any faster, and I could lose it. My own pace collapsed into a dogged attempt at fucking Sieun. Both of us are just ordinary people, even if we tried. She looked like she was on the same verge too.

"You want me to pull out?" I asked her.

"No. Let's switch."

I just sighed, stopping, then pulling out, "Okay."

I thought she was going on all fours, but nope. Teasing me for a bit, I was able to slap and get a grip on her ass, where her thighs rounded up to a dainty package. I was just about to put it in. She got cold feet and pulled away.

"Save that for later," Sieun said, "I want to ride you."

So I lay down. I was switching places with Sieun, now further away from the headboard, only pulling forward with my toes dangling off the mattress. I seemed to have given her an inkling that I loved how she rode so carelessly.

Getting on top of me, she didn't waste much time before we were in the same position we took a few minutes ago. My cock sat just ready to enter her, the difference being she was squatting this time. Odd, but whatever. However, that was not before she threw a wrench into things.

"Oh, one more thing, let's keep this lowkey, okay?"

I nodded and was about to say something when I felt my tip disappear and slid upwards into her. A breath left my lips as the words slipped back into my throat. Sieun, on the other hand, was just indulging herself by now. Typically, I would've just driven it home with her on her back, but this was Sieun. She wasn't a campus crush nor a random girl that charmed me on the train ride home. Besides, I wasn't the one to say we should save some things for later.

However, just as quickly as she started. I noticed her knees. They were shaking, but she was trying to fight through it with her arms in front of her, like a frog. I thought it was silly. Though with how tight her pussy was taking me out, I put the complaint at the back of my head. It felt like she was choking me as the clock ticked downward, both for her and me. She sang the same descending refrain that would destroy me by its chorus.

It never helps that she attempted to gyrate once or twice, almost taking me out.

Putting her legs down for the more usual flair, she began to bounce in a familiar manner. The same way that made her almost cum earlier. This time she looked to finish what she started, riding in long, deep strokes that let me feel every part of her own as she took in mine. Her face began to warp as she took a more dialed-in pace this time, the grip on my wrists telling me not to let her go. Though all the same looking—and feeling—like the perfectly messy cowgirl that only dreams could conjure. The words that left her mouth by this time were the same, though there was an added command, a calm tone barely audible amidst her moaning and squeaking.

I have heard it before. Coming from Sieun, however, it read like a letter of last resort.

"Fucking cum in me."

Just then, telling by her fingers, she let out a loud squeal. Fighting through herself, she suddenly squeezed hard on my cock as she pulled upward. As she sank, it was my turn. Gripping tightly onto one another. Throwing my head back, I joined her. Shutting my eyes and letting out a groan as I felt my orgasm. Another jolt from mine to her. The volume of it as if she hadn't blown me already, and if there wasn't anything, we might as well have been done for. Her mouth hung loose as her moans trailed off, only to rise again as her hips rose shallower and shallower. Her body was both stiff and soft, as with mine, as I filled up the condom. I couldn't tell her, but I knew my toes were curled the whole time. I knew it didn't last long, both the sex and our orgasms, but it seemed like forever.  

Sieun was practically forcing air into herself. Eyes blank. Unmoving. It looked like she had passed out for a few seconds.

"Fuck," she said, "I'm fine, but damn."

"Yeah, me too," I replied, dropping my head on the pillow.

Feeling myself softening up, she removed herself. She remained atop me, then slipped her right hand to face her as she dropped down, kissing me before she rolled beside me into a cuddle. Meanwhile, I got rid of the condom and just laid it aside.

"That was one great fuck."

"Yeah," I sighed, "That's one way to spend Friday night."

She just laughed.  

"It's even better than the manhwas," Sieun responded. I didn't know that it was a compliment or a lame insult. Whatever it was, I was now in her pages, playing, at the moment, a more significant role.

"Yah, Park Sieun, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Well," she replied as she sat up, holding her reply until she jumped off the bed, "It just means you fucked me well."

"Oh, so I'm your fuckbuddy now?" I asked as I picked up and threw the condom in the can. Luckily it went on the first try.

"Not really. I mean, didn't I already tell you?" She seemed genuinely puzzled that I was still asking. I asked her again, sighing before turning to me as she closed her cabinet, then threw a towel at me, "we're dating now."

"Dating, huh? Alright," It was a strange first date.

That's the closest to a signature I could give.

"So, you want to grab tteokbokki after this?" she asked.

"Alright, after you wash up?" I told her.

"No," Sieun replied as she opened the lights, now a shadow.

"After we wash up, maybe you got another condom there?"

If only I knew our first date was all about sex. I would've brought more. I just said I did and picked another one from my bag. Giving Sieun another round in the shower, one that had her trying to find a grip on the tiles.

Yes, we shared a big bowl of tteokbokki after.

#stayc #stayc sieun #kpop smut

[speedycoffeedelight]

An Animalistic Disaster

Summery:Where you reveal a bit of your past and go on a shopping trip with the girls (And Pentious).

Masterlist

CH-14 :Past memories and a shopping trip

Tw: domestic abuse.

"When I was six, me and my mom went to live with mom's brother, my uncle and aunt. They had a daughter and a son, Melody and Skylar.

Melody was younger and more timid than me. I gradually realised that Melody was almost like a puppet to her parents. They gave all their focus on Skylar. Which would make sense since he was a kid then. But they took it too far.

They would never try to discipline Skylar. It was clear her parents had a soft spot for him. Skylar understood that very clearly and would abuse that."

You sighed, remembering what used to happen in that household.

"Skylar would scream and hit Melody whenever he wanted and if we as much as raised our voice on him, he would cry endlessly in front of his mom like we hit him brutally. Before you say anything, he would only do that whenever his parents were around to hear, so that little shit knew what he was doing.

And of course his mom would believe him every fucking time. So since I couldn't make him behave, the best course of action was to lock myself up in my room so he couldn't get in and cause trouble for me."

"That sounds horrible...." Charlie gasped.

"That's not the end of it." You sadly smiled. "I haven't even told you why I'm hated."

"I hated how they treated Melody from the bottom of my heart. I would speak up for her since she couldn't.

She would often seek refuge in me and stay in my room away from everyone. I read her my different storybooks, showed her my favourite shows and shared my experiences. Gradually she began to think for herself. She began to stand up for herself. Her parents hated that.

They blamed me for corrupting their sweet child with my venomous company. They were mad they couldn't control Melody like before.

Their scolding and hitting got worse from then. There were times we would stay locked in my room for hours while her mom kept shouting all shitty things she could say about me. She even told Melody, A child, to live with me instead of them if she liked me that much."

"Please tell me you guys did something about that later..." Vaggie almost pleaded.

"When things got worse and I couldn't take it anymore, I finally told my mom one day after she got home from work. I didn't want to tell her at first before cause I didn't want to make her worry. My mom and aunt had a huge argument then. Later finally, we rented a small house for ourselves."

'But what happened to Melody?' Angel quickly asked and Charlie translated it just as fast. Everyone had the same question in their mind.

"She...stayed back. I asked her to come with me but she smiled and shook her head. She said she wanted to stay and make that place better."

'Ya gotta hand it to the kid. She had some real guts to stay in a family like that'

You nodded at what Husk said after Vaggie translated it.

"She really had. We did get to see each other from time to time in our family gatherings and such and kept in contact through texting and calling sometimes. But I'm glad to say our bond ever wavered no matter how long we are away from each other "

You said with a small smile looking at everyone.

"Melody has learned to be her own person since I left despite still being in those harsh conditions. And even after all this time, I've never gotten close to her parents for this reason."

You finally finished talking and looked at them for their reactions. Charlie almost immediately tackled you into a hug.

"I knew you were great person! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Thanks for what Charlie?"

"Nothing don't worry about it!"

Charlie was relieved that you were actually a good person. She doesn't have to feel guilty for defending you. She hugged you tighter in happiness almost choking you.

"C-charlie, can't breathe-"

"Oh sorry sorry"

She quickly let you go and smiled brightly at you. "You're a nice person (Y/n)." Vaggie gave you soft smile.

Everyone in the room was thinking the same thing. The earlier suspicion on you vanishing in an instant.

"Yeah well anyways" you scratched your neck while blushing from all this attention you're getting plus seeing all their eyes on you. "We should eat dinner and go to sleep. I plan on going shopping tomorrow. I want Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty accompanying me since they turned human."

"We get to hang around in the human world?" Niffty said excitedly. You chuckled noticing her enthusiasm.

"Yes you can plus we'll be doing job hunting for you guys. We don't know how long it'll take to find a job so we should start searching from tomorrow "

"Awesome!"

With that, you all slowly went around cooking while chatting, making jabs at one another. Angel was almost thrown into a cooking pot by accident but Charlie noticed it immediately. Other then that, everything was fine.

After sleeping again in previous positions, you woke up to Vaggie calling you this time. You smiled at her and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

After you finished,you went to the kitchen to see Charlie cooking this time with her tongue out a bit upwards as she was flipping pancakes very carefully. It was honestly quite adorable to watch. Vaggie was about to call you but you put a finger on your mouth, making Vaggie go quiet.

You slowly tiptoed behind Charlie making Vaggie look at you confused. Just as Charlie finished flipping a Pancake, you went 'Boo' in her ear playfully. But you didn't expect what happened.

Charlie let out a surprised yelp as she let go of the pan. A bright golden light engulfed her as something fell to the ground in a thud.

As the light disappeared, there was Charlie again, but in her sheep form.

'Oh no, oh no, oh nononono! I'm not getting stuck in this form again!'

She started to scream in panic with sheep sounds and ran around. Vaggie quickly tried running after her to try and calm her down. She picked up a very scared Charlie and held her close as you looked over with guilt.

"Hun calm down, breathe." Vaggie patted Charlie as she looked looked up at her girlfriend teary eyed. "Try to see if you can become human again okay?"

Charlie nodded and calmed her nerves as she tried to imagine herself as human again. After some time, a golden light engulfed her again as she again reappeared as human in Charlie's arms.

"Vaggie, I'm human again! I'm human!" She said shaking Vaggie. "Yes, I can see that...but what happened? Can we turn to our human and animal form at will?" Charlie shruged, not knowing. You came forward looking down.

"I'm really really sorry Charlie. I didn't mean for that to happen.." you said meekly.

"It's alright... It just gave me a little shock that's all" Charlie said nervously laughing. "But at least I turned back again."

'What happened? Why are you all looking so shaken?' Husk said stepping into the room alongside Angel and noticing the pair on the floor holding each other as well as you looking at them apologetically.

After Vaggie told him his eyes were wide open. 'Wait, no shit? That actually worked? Let me see if I can try.' Husk and Angel both tried to imagine themselves as humans but nothing happened. 'Guess it only works with those who already transformed..' Angel sighed.

"Make sure to let others know about this and oh-" Charlie's nose picked up a burning smell. "MY PANCAKES!" She quickly ran towards the pan to salvage the food before it's fully wasted.

You volunteered to eat the slightly burnt pancake as an apology and after that, it was time to go shopping. You, Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty all dressed up in your clothes. Vaggie gathered all the animals before going.

"I'm leaving my front door open in case you all need something. But for this reason, I'll need you all to stay close to the house as well to guard it." You said looking at all of them.

"Especially you Alastor, you're the only one that can do something if a burglar comes by." Since you saw how Alastor could fight even in this form in the woods, he was the best option.

'Yes, yes, I know you can't do anything without me. You girls can go ahead without worry. I'll keep watch." Alastor said in a bored tone but inside he was fuming with pride that you relied on him the most.

"Now then, we shouldn't take too much time. Be safe you guys. You're free to go." With that you went to get the car ready as your three companions waited patiently.

Sir Pentious was about to slither back to the cabin but stopped seeing Cherri head towards your car. Being confused he quickly followed her. Cherri jumped into the car's open trunk while you weren't looking and Pentious did the same.

'Misss Cherri what are you doing here? We're supposed to be back at the cabin!' Pentious whisper shouted.

'Wha- Hey what the fuck man. Don't creep up on me like that!' Cherri was a little spooked seeing Pentious behind her. She thought she was being discreet.

'And I'm going to the town with them! I can't wait till I've transformed see what the world is like now since I'm the last. So I'm hitching a ride!'

'But isn't thiss a bad idea? What if sssomeone sees uss?'

'Oh quit your yapping. You can leave if you want.'

But he could not even if wanted since the trunk closed on them followed by the car starting. Cherri had a grin on her face and Pentious had a look of worry.

Niffty decided to sit next to you on the car and Charlie and Vaggie sat behind. While driving, you started some songs for everyone to enjoy.

All three of them were enjoying the sight of human world as they were practically glued to their windows. Especially Charlie since she spent her entire life in hell. Even though they went outside in your cabin, it was nothing compared to driving through various places like this. The sight of them made the corners of your lips turn up.

"By the way Niffty, did you get any powers like us?" Vaggie asked suddenly remembering.

"Not really, no. Me and mr.Alastor tried really hard to see if I had any type of powers but nothing worked." Niffty answered while her eyes were still glued to the window. "But I can turn into a dog again at will now!"

"I see..oh and (Y/n). Can I request something..?" Vaggie asked sheepishly.

"Hm,yes? What is it?"

"Can I get some glasses? I think my eye sight has lessened.."

"Oh yes sure! We'll get your eyes checked then!"

Finally you reached your place. You parked the car and you three finally stepped outside. Suddenly Niffty started sniffing the air with her ears moving.

"Niffty? What's wrong?" Charlie asked concerned. Niffty didn't answer as she stepped behind the trunk and opened it.

"Uh-huh! Found you! I knew I heard some weird sounds coming from the back!"

"What? Who's there?" You went to stand beside Niffty and found Pentious and Cherri red handed.

You quickly pulled the hood down and looked around see if anyone was starting at you. Having a squirrel was fine but people might report you to the police if they saw you have a snake in your car, thinking you're a poacher. And the worst thing is they'll take him away to who knows where.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here? You guys should be at the cabin!" You hissed through your teeth at them.

'What? Taking a stroll couldn't hurt! Plus this dumbass followed me here himself.' Cherri said looking at Pentious. 'I wass only trying to ssee what you were doing!'

You sighed. You couldn't leave them both here. Who knows what they'll start doing if they're left alone. You don't want to have any more trouble in your hands. Rummaging through the car, you found a big shopping bag that you usually use for groceries.

"Jump in here and not a single peek from either of you got it?" You said holding the bag in front of them.

'Got it!' Cherri grinned as she jumped inside and Pentious followed. You gave the bag to Niffty.

"Niffty can I ask you to take care of this bag? Make sure none of them peeks their head out of try to come out okay?" You requested her with worry. "Can you do that for me?"

"Mam,Yes Mam! I'll make sure of that!" She copied military style and gave you a salute making you chuckle a bit.

"I'll hold onto that then"

After that was over, you guys went to buy foods and two extra mattresses for now. Then you guys went to buy clothes. They didn't buy much since they could just wear your clothes for the most part as you suggested and bought personal items. You'll have to spend more money on the boys clothes when they turn human. And finally on Vaggie's glasses.

After a successful trip, you four bought some ice creams as you headed towards your car. Cherri did try to sneak out a couple of times but Niffty made sure she couldn't. Some people on the street thought the three of them were cosplaying and wanted to take selfies  but you quickly declined.

You also collected some informations on the places looking to hire right now. You decided to sort through them later. You led them through a shortcut to reach the parking lot faster. You spent more time than you planned on getting sucked in the fun hanging out with them.

All in all it was a successful shopping trip. That was until you turned a corner while walking and bumped into someone making you spill your ice cream over them.

"I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" You quickly yelled out looking at the shirt that now had a stain and some bits of ice cream falling to the ground from the shirt.

"Oi look where you're going bitch!" The guy yelled out pushing you away from him. You would fall to the floor if Vaggie didn't catch you in time. "Careful!" She yelled out.

As the guy started to come closer Charlie moved in front of you defensively. "She said sorry already! So please stop this!" She pleaded as you stood up again.

"Fuck no. That bitch ruined my shirt and now she'll have to pay for it!" The guy shoved Charlie aside and grabbed your collar making you look at his face.

Niffty was standing behind Vaggie still holding onto the bag as the scene transpired in from of her. She started growling unknowningly as she took a step ahead.

Sir Pentious and Cherri were listening to everything that was transpiring outside.

'Shit, something very bad is happening outside!' Cherri said looking a bit nervous.

'It sounds like (Y/n) is in trouble..' Pentious said as they both peeked out of the bag just as you were grabbed by your collar.

'(Y/n) no..I can't let anything happen to her!' Pentious said as he jumped out of the bag. Niffty finally noticed him. "Pentious you're not supposed to be out!"

'She helped us all these time, fed us, took care of us. The least I can do is protect in danger!'

His body began to grow bright yellow. Vaggie who was about to jump onto the guy, stopped and looked behind her.

The man's disgusting breath hit your nose like a tornado. He raised one hand to hit you as you quickly prepared yourself to defend. But a hand came from behind you, catching the attackers raised one.

"I don't think it's in proper manner to hit a lady."

A.N: So I've realised that I should probably make the chapters longer otherwise there's gonna be a huge number of chapters by the time I'm finished.

So yeah, heads up for that! (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠)

Also I didn't tell here before, but I'm planning on a QnA if I reach 1k votes and kudos in ao3 and wattpad. I already reached 1k on wattpad and now for the ao3 (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

You guys can ask the cast or me any questions during that. But of course, no telling spoilers.

Tag list: @legostars @glowinthedarkbones1150

@darifes @aria-tempest

#hazbinhotel #hazbin hotel #Charlie x reader #Vaggie x reader #husk x reader #angel dust x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #sir pentious x reader #cherri bomb x reader #niffty #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #Charlie #Vaggie #husk #human charlie #human vaggie #human niffty #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #alastor x you #hazbin alastor #alastor the radio demon

[gatheringbones]

[“Later in the day, while Heather and I were making the bed and talking about the chores we needed to get through the next morning, she used a male pronoun in regard to me. “Well that’s gonna be weird, huh?” I said. “Not saying ‘he’ for me anymore.” “What do you mean?” she asked. “I mean I want to transition. I want to become a woman… fully.” She paused and fell silent. I think the revelation that I was a transsexual truly hit her in this moment. She slowly started to comprehend that this didn’t mean I’d simply be cross-dressing around the house. It started to hit me, too. I wanted to transition genders, and there was a lot more to that than just hormones and surgery. Neither of us fully understood what it meant yet, or where to start.

The next day Andrew and James met me at the studio to talk about plans around the album and the future of the band. Jordan came, too, as he was again filling in as our manager. Until then, I’d been telling them that I was writing a concept album about a transsexual prostitute—the metaphor behind the feeling of having whored myself out to a record label was thinly transparent since James, Andrew, and I were all processing our own post-traumatic stress disorder from the past couple years of music industry hell. Previously, I’d been able to sneak a few subtle metaphors about my dysphoria in here and there. But an album focused entirely on it? I didn’t know how to explain that, and the new songs were not sticking with the guys.

James could make out a few lyrics to the title track through his in-ear monitors: “You want them to see you like they see every other girl / But they just see a faggot.” “Hey, man,” he said between takes. “Are you saying ‘faggot’ on this song? It sounds like you’re saying it a lot. Are people gonna be cool with that?”

I realized that the reason the words weren’t connecting with them was that they didn’t have the context. So I came out with it. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted them to understand. I couldn’t hold back the momentum of the day before. Once the truth was spoken, it could be contained no longer.

“It’s about me, and how I’m a transsexual. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time,” I told them. Once I started explaining it, I couldn’t stop. It was like an out-of-body experience where I saw myself, but was powerless to hold back the flood of words. “I want to start living as a woman, and to be referred to as Laura. This is something I’ve thought about a lot and isn’t going away, so I might as well embrace it.”

No one knew what to say once I finally stopped rambling. The three of them just sat there in the studio control room, looking down at their feet or at whatever lit-up piece of audio equipment their eyes could find, focusing anywhere but on me. We’d had some heavy conversations over the years—emotional moments where we’d told each other off or outright quit the band—but nothing compared to this. Andrew’s usually warm smile was locked in since I started talking, and it looked like it was going to melt off his face. His skin flushed red, trying not to flinch. There was nothing any of them could say. I broke the silence by asking them to come smoke a joint with me. We got high standing in a circle in the open back doorway. “OK, well,” I said. “I guess that’s all we’ll do today. How about we try again tomorrow?”

We shared the most comically awkward group hug, a horrible mess of pats on the back and overly extended stiff arms. They left, and I locked the door behind them. Oh fuck, I thought. I called Heather and told her that I had just come out to them. It felt unreal to speak these secrets aloud, hearing myself verbalize thoughts that had only ever existed in my head.

The guys had an hour and a half back to Gainesville to think about all that had just been unloaded on them. James has since told me that as he sat there stoned on that long drive home, a lot of memories over the past 15 years suddenly started to make sense for him. My lyrics, my behavior on tour; one by one, he had tiny flashes of realization about me in this new light.”]

laura jane grace, from tranny: confessions of punk rock’s most infamous anarchist sellout, 2016

#laura jane grace #trans literature #currently reading

[wandussyfantasy]

Hey buddy

I have a request for Leigh Shaw and GN! Reader w peepee :)

Reader and Leigh have been a friends with benefits type of thing. Leigh also made it clear about no feelings since she wasn't over losing matt and she just needed a distraction. It isn't until she hears that Y/N has been going on a date with Becca, another widow from grief group.

Leigh then confronts reader about it and she realises in that moment that she has feelings for them which she tells them and then walks away. Ghosting them until they confront her at her home while Amy and Jules are out. They tell her how she has ruined their growing relationship with Becca by making them realise that they have always felt the same. Resulting in Leigh bringing them in for a passionate kiss and reader then asking if they can take her on a date.

Thank you awesome dude.

Love Me or Leave Me

Summary: You and Leigh have a special arrangement that gets disrupted when she finds out that you have been dating her friend, Becca.

Pairings: Leigh Shaw x NB!AMAB!Reader

Word Count: 6,749

WARNINGS:

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT READ & DO NOT INTERACT!!!

smut, gn!reader amab, powerbottom!leigh, fingering, dirty talk, fluff, agnst, car hookup, fantasies, teasing, foreplay, and creampie.

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.

“‘What is grief, if not love persevering?’” The nerdy grief counselor reads out to the group from his notebook. “How can we relate this line to ourselves and our own experiences with grief?” 

You sigh and look over to see that Leigh is just as unimpressed as you are with the new counselor. The one that usually led this group had to move to another state and so the organization has been trying to find a replacement. Unfortunately, the only people volunteering their time to help people with loss either haven’t experienced it themselves or are fresh out of college with psychology degrees they have no clue what to do with. You clear your throat and scratch behind your ear before you fake a phone call and leave the group. “I am so sorry, it’s my mother,” you excuse yourself as some regulars in the group try not to snicker. You walk out to your car and without much thought, you move it to a more secluded spot in the dark parking lot and swipe through a dating app as you wait.

Leigh knocks on your window a few minutes later. “I thought you wanted to give this guy a chance,” she says as she climbs on your lap. 

“I did, until he started quoting a comic book character,” you kiss her to trigger the physical response you needed in order to feel something other than the annoyance and the pain of your loss. She is grinding against your bulge to help you harden. It doesn't take you long, it's been almost a full week since the last time the two of you have met up for this since you went on a short trip with your friends. “You look very pretty in this dress by the way,” you compliment her as you dip your fingers in her panties to rub her clitoris. 

“Shut up,” she says, she thinks you only like it because of the easy access you'll have to her. But then again, that's why she chose to wear the dress in the first place. Leigh wasn't much for wearing dresses unless there was an occasion. Her mom was curious as she left the house and although this is the time Leigh normally attended the group, she began to wonder if her daughter was using that as a cover now and hoped that she was going on a date. You kiss as much of her exposed skin as you can while you finger Leigh and as much as she is enjoying the way your fingers know how to move, that's not what she is looking to penetrate her. She pulls your head up from her chest and kisses you hard. “Fuck me already,” she whispers impatiently. 

“Alright,” you say as you unzip your pants and pull out your dick. “So bossy,” you grumble as you penetrate her. “But fuck, I’m not complaining,” you grunt as soon as her warm walls envelope your thick cock. Leigh holds onto the seat as she rides you until she realizes that something is missing. 

“You have a condom on right?” She asks through breaths as she continues to move her body up and down on your lap. 

“Uh,” you try to figure out the best way to tell her that you don't have one on and the best way at the moment as your brain is clouded with lust is, “No.” 

She doesn't stop moving as she hits you upside your head. “Why not?!” 

“You told me to fuck you already. It's not a big deal, I'll pull out. Oooh this feels so good.” You say as you continue to meet your hips with hers. You start to kiss her body and get even more turned on when you realize she doesn't actually mind that you're fucking her raw. 

“Do you use them when you go on dates?” She asks as she slows down. Pregnancy wasn't her concern. She doesn't want to contract anything, she's gone this long without ever getting anything, she wants to continue that streak. 

“No,” you start out plainly just to mess with. This time she stops moving completely and looks at you with wide eyes. You break into a smile. “I don't sleep with my dates. It's only been you since we started this arrangement. I'm clean, I promise. I got tested weeks ago.” 

Leigh sighs as she wraps her arms around the back of the seat. You move your hands from her thighs to her ass. “Don’t scare me like that again, it's not funny.” She moves her hips in a small circle motion and you moan as you tip your head back as you promise not to do that again. With your neck exposed to her, Leigh does something she never really does. She leans in and starts to softly kiss your neck until she reaches a spot that depending on the shirt you'll be wearing after this, may or may not hide the mark she is about to leave. 

As you feel her sucking on your skin you start to pound into her as you're getting so close to finishing. “How close are you?” You ask as you pick up the pace.

“Almost… almost there,” she pants out as she grips onto you. 

“Where should I…?” you ask as you feel the build up of your impending climax. The answer that Leigh almost gives, surprises her and puts her over the edge as she imagines the way it would feel like to have your cock pulsing inside of her, filling her up with your semen. It's been so long since she's felt that. It was a surprisingly extremely rare occasion with her husband. Since he didn't want kids and was on and off depression medication they rarely had sex without a condom and even if they did, he almost never came because the medicine made it difficult for him. As she orgasms her walls clench around you almost as if they were trying to milk you. Her body is tempted to feel your release in full as she has felt you cum inside of her a few times with the condom on. But she wasn't going to feel it tonight. She pulls herself off of your cock, impressed that you held off your release and she grabs a napkin from the passenger's seat, you typically ate something on the way to the meetings. She covers the tip of your penis and uses her other hand on the base to help you cum. You groan as you empty into her hand. 

“I'll see you later,” she kisses your cheek and exits your car. 

Later that month, Leigh is meeting with Becca for tea before Leigh’s next class. The young widow is still teaching at her mother's women's health studio and Becca attends a class when she can to stay fit and stay connected with Leigh. The two have grown closer as Leigh finally started to let people in, slowly but surely, and Becca has learned to respect Leigh's need for space. 

“So, I've been seeing someone,” Becca starts as she stirs her tea slowly with an anxious smirk as she tries to contain her excitement. 

“Really?” Leigh is surprised, she didn't know that Becca was dating. 

“Yeah,” Becca starts and waits for Leigh to press for more information and once she does, Becca's act falls apart as she spills all of her secrets. “So, you know Y/n, from group? That guy that lost his mom? He's also in some indie band that in my opinion is totally underrated and-” 

“Isn’t Y/n nonbinary?” Leigh cuts Becca off, she didn't like it when people misgendered others, especially not when it's you. 

“Yes! Oh shit, did I say 'he'? Damnit,” she shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I'm still learning this whole gender and pronouns thing. Anyway it's Y/n. We've been on a few dates lately and I think it could turn into something. That's if I don't screw it up. Ugh, I hope I don't. I really like him- them! I like them.” Becca hangs her head. “I swear, I'm not doing this on purpose.”

Leigh remains quiet as she processes this information. She had your tongue inside of her just this morning when she accidentally broke a rule and spent the night at your place. Now she's finding out that you're dating her friend? ���It’s fine, I think. I don't know. My sister knows more about it than I do. She says that some people don't mind the mess ups as long as you respect their preferences and don't use the wrong pronouns intentionally.” Leigh says to comfort the girl sitting across from her, giving herself a hard time. 

“Ok,” Becca relaxes her shoulders. “But um yeah, what do you think? Is it bad that I'm going out with them? I mean, yeah, we sort of met at the group but we didn't start talking until we matched on a dating app. I completely didn't recognize them on their profile until we met in person.” Leigh asks if you recognized her on the app and Becca laughs. “They did! They said that's why they felt comfortable asking me out like an hour after we matched and they thought I recognized them too. We had a laugh about it. They're really great, I think the two of you would get along if you wanted more friends.” 

Leigh plasters on a fake smile as she tries to ignore the pain this conversation is causing her. She cannot believe that you started to date Becca without telling her when you knew the two of them are friends. “How long have you been going out?” 

“Oh we’ve been going on what he calls 'intentional dates' once a week every week this month but we hang out all of the time. Except when either of us is busy, which they tend to be. But it's okay, they send me cute messages when we're apart. We haven't been physical yet though, we kiss a lot but when I try to make it more, he stops anything from happening. Oh no, you don't think he might be gay do you?” She has a hand over her chest as she worries about what the lack of a physical connection could mean.

Leigh shakes her head as she sips her tea. “No, I'm sure they're trying to be respectful. I mean, your husband died while serving in the military and they have a band that hardly anyone has ever heard of. It can be intimidating,” she reassures her friend while subtly correcting her. Leigh wonders how often Becca messes up when it comes to how you identify. Leigh never fucks that up and doesn't know how people do. Right now, she can't even figure out what you see in this girl. Sure, Leigh knows you're dating around. But as far as she knew, they were meaningless dates that never got anywhere. She didn't consider what it would be like if you actually found someone that you were interested in. Leigh picks up her phone and sends a risky photo she has been debating for sometime on whether or not she should ever send it to you and adds the message, I need you tonight.

“You are so right, Leigh. They don’t know about how bad my marriage was before my husband died. Maybe I should make the first move!” Becca suggests and that sends images to Leigh’s head that upsets her. She doesn’t want to share you with her. She doesn’t want to share you with anyone. Especially since the two of you have been talking about maybe having more sex without a condom. She wanted to feel you coming inside of her but now she can’t have that if you’re seeing someone exclusively. She probably can’t have you at all if you continue to date Becca. Then Becca gets a message and her grin disappears. “Awe bummer, they canceled our date for tonight,” she frowns. 

“Oh no, did they say why?” Leigh sips her tea as she poorly hides her enjoyment. 

“Yeah, they have band practice. They’re going to let me know when they can reschedule.” She sets her phone on the table. “You don’t think they might be pulling away because they’re intimidated by my dead husband right?”

Leigh shakes her head, “Becca, you’re overthinking it. Have they ever given you reason to worry they’re not being truthful?” 

“No,” Becca says as she thinks about it for a moment. “Well, other than the mark he had on our first date. It was like right here and I thought it was a hickey but he said he got it when wrestling with one of their bandmates.” 

Leigh clenches her jaw as she remembers making that mark. How could you lie to her friend like that? To someone who is so trusting and sees the best in people. Then she gets a reply from you stating that you’re free tonight and will make dinner so they have something to eat after. The both of you know it’s against the rules to share a meal so close to having sex. Since the arrangement was friends with benefits, it wasn’t against the rules to share a meal and they have shared many friendly meals. She has even had you over for a meal with her mom and sister a few times. But when it was shared after having sex at night, it left the option of her falling asleep and spending the night again. Which she already did last night. After the first time that happened and she woke up comfortable and in your arms, she freaked out and didn't talk to you for two weeks and that's when it became a rule. It has only happened a couple times since but you always make sure you're up before she is. 

Leigh knows she's breaking many rules with that picture and request, and she knows that you know it as well. The fact that you don't seem to mind it at all gives Leigh a warm feeling inside. She is the person you would rather spend your time with. “What’s that smile for? Do you have a hot date tonight?” Becca asks as she finishes her tea. 

“What?” Leigh breaks from her thoughts and drops her smile. “No, I just, no. Um look at the time, we better get to the studio. I'm the instructor, I can't be late to my own class.” Leigh gathers her things and Becca follows as she gets ready to leave as well. 

When Leigh arrives at your apartment, she is wearing the sexiest outfit she could find in her sister's closet. Jules was more than happy to lend the outfit and bit her tongue in asking too many questions, she was having fun dressing her sister up. It was another rule broken. Never dress up for sex. It's just sex, come as you are. She was starting to worry that she has broken too many rules by now. No more than one meeting within 48-hours. No sleepovers, unless absolutely necessary. No nudes. No meals together after sex. No jealousy. No preventing the other from getting into a relationship, unless absolutely necessary. No feelings, just sex. But the look you have when you open that door says it all. You don't care about the rules anymore. She wonders if you ever have. 

Leigh greets you with a kiss, it's slow and deep. Unusual to the heated rushed ones you're used to. But you don't mind the change. “I have to say, that picture was quite the surprise,” you start as you guide her to the bedroom. 

“So was your tongue this morning,” Leigh says as she bites her lip. “I thought you deserved a gift as a thank you.” 

You hum, “Well, I didn't need one but it is very appreciated.” You walk her towards the bed with your hands on her hips. “You look stunning tonight, you rule breaker,” you have your lips on her neck as the two of you fall on the bed. 

Leigh lets out a soft giggle in acknowledgement. “You noticed?”

“Of course I noticed, you practically gave me an exam on the rules before the first time we slept together. Well… technically the second time. The first time was an oopsy that got us to the rules.” You lightly remind her as you continue to kiss her body. You love her tastes and her sounds and the way she knows your body like no one ever has before. “What drove you to this?” 

“Don't worry about it, let's just focus on making each other feel good,” Leigh says as she reaches between the two of you to stroke your cock. You don't argue or question her. You rock your hips into her hand until you have to pull away from her to undress. Leigh rises from the bed as you sit next to her and start pulling your pants down. Once your shirt is off, Leigh stands in front of you and when you're not paying attention to her she lifts your chin with her finger. “Watch me,” she says as she kisses your lips. 

You are surprised by her again. Leigh starts to do a little strip tease for you. Pulling her clothing off slower than she ever has before. The way she sways her body around and removes the clothing is unpracticed and a little goofy but you don't laugh, you sit there and stroke your penis as you watch her. You lick your lips as you think about being inside of her again. There isn't anything else on your mind but being with Leigh right now. 

However, Leigh is stressing herself out. She can't tell if you're enjoying her little routine or if you think she is being ridiculous. She rushes the ending of her little performance, thinking what Becca might do in this situation. She isn't sure, she doesn't know if Becca would be a slow and patient lover or a fast paced “let's get this over with” lover. Maybe she has kinks and fetishes. Maybe she's vanilla… Leigh can be pretty vanilla. Did you like that? Did you find her boring? Is that why you continue to date even though you have a sexual relationship with her? “Fuck, that was hot,” you whisper as she presses her naked body to yours, breaking her from her spiraling thoughts. You crawl back further on the bed, pulling her with you, and lean against the headboard. “I should have woken you up with a morning cunnilingus ages ago if this is the thanks I would've gotten,” you kiss her and Leigh smiles for a second until she reminds herself why she is acting this way. 

Leigh is on a mission to make you see that you don't need Becca when you have her. No feelings. The rules echo in her head. This is just sex and friendship, nothing more. She tries to remind herself. At the moment she can't figure out how she ended up in this arrangement in the first place. Maybe it was something to do with that thing Becca mentioned to her about being touch starved. Maybe it was finding out that Matt had an emotional affair with his colleague. She could blame the arrangement on being a young widow and not wanting to give her heart to someone yet. Gosh she was a broken record lately. No wonder you were looking for something or more so someone more stable. 

Your lips bring her back to the moment as you travel her body. “You’re so beautiful,” the compliment warns her heart, you don't normally compliment her so much. And under different circumstances, she might have left and not called you for a week but she loves how soft you're being with her right now. She hadn't realized how sweet you are until the thought of losing you started to become a reality. 

“Let’s take it slow tonight,” she whispers as she lets go of the manic energy she came in with. 

“Okay,” you caress her cheek as you agree. She leans into your touch as you do. You move your fingers under her chin and guide her into a slow kiss. She melts against you as your lips move together. You swiftly move the two of you so that you're on top of her. “Lay on your stomach,” you say. Leigh makes a face. “Just trust me.” 

“Alright,” she flips onto her stomach and pulls the pillows under her arms to prop herself up comfortably. The mattress creeks as you leave the bed to retrieve the massage oil and Leigh lifts her head up. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m going to give you a massage,” you say as you return with the oil. You straddle her legs, your cock laying against her soft bottom, rubbing the oil on your hands before you start to spread it in her back. You are slow and careful with where you apply pressure. Leigh has never been given a massage as part of sex before and she wasn't sure how she felt about it yet. She couldn't deny that it felt good though, you really seemed to know what you were doing. As you rub her shoulders, you start to kiss her neck and as you move your hands lower, your lips and body follow. 

You take a moment to rub and massage her butt cheeks then move onto her thighs. She started to hum as her body was a little sore from the classes she had to teach earlier. Leigh hadn't realized how much she needed this massage until she had your magic hands on her. Then as you're rubbing the back of her thigh, she feels your tongue inside of her and she lifts her head up again in surprise. She had gotten so lost in the other sensations that she forgot for a moment what the two of you were doing. 

You only move your tongue inside of her for a minute or two before you return your focus to the massage. “Lay on your back now,” you say as you are now standing in front of the bed. Leigh flips over again, relaxing into the mattress in a way she never has before. You grab her left foot and start kneading it with your thumbs, following it with circular motions. Leigh wasn't someone that liked her feet touched in a sexual context but it's been forever since she's had a foot massage and the way you were doing it surprisingly wasn't turning her off. She's grateful when you don't kiss her feet. 

You grab the towel you had brought with you and wipe the excess oil off of your hands. You crawl your way back up Leigh's body, stopping for a moment to kiss her pussy. You trace patterns on her skin with your tongue that send chills up her spine. She worries that it's about her too much and that she isn't doing anything to pleasure you but her thoughts leave her mind again as you latch your mouth on her breast with your fingers inside of her. She moves her hands from her sides to touch you as you continue to make her feel everything. She starts with running her fingers through your hair. It was longer than when she met you since you wanted to grow it out this year. She wasn't sure how this length would look on you but as it's grown, she hasn't had a single complaint. Then as your mouth moves across her chest, her hands move down your back. She can't massage you nearly as well as you had done for her but she does what she can and you appreciate the effort. 

When you're done paying attention to her breasts, you pull your fingers out of Leigh. You trace her lips with the coated fingertips until you dip them in her mouth and she licks them clean. Your dick twitches at the sight. You kiss her on the mouth as you line yourself up at her entrance. You move the head of your penis up and down between her wet folds to prolong the action and then you reach for the condom on the nightstand. 

“No,” Leigh stops you as she covers your hand with hers. “I don't want anything between us tonight,” she says. Always wear a condom, no matter what. 

You nod, “Okay.” 

You press into her entrance slowly and it's like she's feeling you for the first time. Like really feeling you. Not just riding you to get her climax. This isn't a drunken decision like the actual first time. This isn't just something that the two of you are doing to pass the time. This is real. The two of you are making love. This isn't fucking. This isn't just sex. It's slow and intimate and passionate. It's something that she wants for as long as she can have you. Leigh doesn't want to lose you to some other girl. 

As the two of you make love, she decides that she isn't going to be afraid anymore. She is going to tell you how she feels about this arrangement and she hopes that you'll feel the same. As she gets closer to her climax her mind is wiped clean, not a thought haunts her as she chants, “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” over and over again. Anticipating her walls squeezing your penis so close to your own orgasm, you start to pull away from her, planning on having her finish on your mouth. But Leigh has other plans as you pull away, she locks her legs around your back, keeping you inside of her. 

“Leigh, I won’t be able to hold off,” you warn her. 

She kisses your mouth, “It’s okay, I want you inside.” Her words trigger the two of you to share the most euphoric orgasms either of you has ever had in your lives. You've never released inside of someone without a condom before and the feeling was like nothing you've ever experienced before. As for Leigh, she is enjoying every pulse of your penis as you empty your balls into her. 

“Fuck, Leigh. What's gotten into you?” You pant out the question with a laugh as the two of you calm down. Once you start to soften, you pull out and roll next to her. Leigh is quick to roll on top of you, laying against your chest as you catch your breath. 

“Nothing, just a thank you,” she replies as she snuggles against you. Holding you as close as she can. No cuddles or snuggles or any physical touch unless it's related to sex. Leigh tries to get her brain working again so she can tell you how she feels but she's also enjoying being in your presence and relaxing in the moment. 

Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of time before your phone starts going off. You grab it from the nightstand and sigh with a frown. “I’m sorry, Leigh. I have to take this.” You kiss her on the lips while you pull away from her. Leigh wraps herself in your blanket as she watches you leave the room. You hop on one foot at a time as you put your basketball ball shorts on and answer the phone. “Hey cutie, what's up? Yeah, it's going great. Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't tonight. But maybe we can do something tomorrow night?” You say as you walk away. 

Leigh scoffs, she couldn't believe what she was overhearing. You had just came inside of her and you were making plans with Becca. Bubbly, positive, happy, pretty Becca. Not complicated and upfront with her feelings, Becca. Perfect widow, Becca. She gets out of the bed as she becomes blind with rage. She feels so used. Clearly breaking the rules wasn't enough to keep your attention. You still wanted her and not Leigh. 

She angrily grabs her clothes off of the floor and when you return she is almost fully dressed. “What's wrong, Leigh?” You say as you notice how upset she is. 

“You!” she snaps. 

“What?” Leigh storms past you and you follow her. “Leigh, talk to me, please.” You try to get ahead of her before she can get to the door but the apartment is small and she has it swung open before you can push it closed. “Leigh, please, tell me what I did wrong!” You beg as you continue to chase her. It didn't make any sense, she was holding onto you. She let you cum inside of her. She sent you that picture. She was so happy five seconds ago. It couldn't have been the call, you've taken them a couple times before. One time she even answered the phone for you and sucked you off while you chatted with the girl. This doesn't make any sense. 

“You had to start dating my best friend! Didn't you? What? One widow wasn't enough to have on your roster? You had to have two?” She shouts as she spins in front of you. 

“Oh shit,” you stand there dumbly as you realize she knows about Becca. “Leigh, I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be a big deal. And best friend? Really?” She narrows her eyes at you. 

“So not the point,” she starts through gritted teeth as she stops and spins to look at you, “she is still my friend. That's so low of you to put in this position!”

“Shit,” you shut your eyes as you understand where she's coming from now. “Leigh, please, come inside and let's talk about this.”

“Are you going to stop seeing her?” 

“What?”

“It’s a simple yes or no question. Are you going to stop seeing Becca?” She asks again. 

“I don't know,” you deflate. “Becca is the first person, other than you, who seems to get me. We connect well and she's sweet and considerate and goofy and if I'm honest, I kind of like hanging out with her. It's not easy dating these days.” 

“Do you want to get serious with her?” Leigh asks. 

You haven't really given it much thought. You were just enjoying your time with Becca right now. In a similar way you were enjoying your time with Leigh. “I don't know,” you shrug. “Maybe? But what do you care?”

“What do I care? Do you really think I'm so heartless?” Leigh says back. “I care because I’m in love with you! You fucking idiot!” Leigh freezes and her angry expression drops as her blood runs cold in her body. She doesn't give you a moment to respond or even process. Leigh gets in her car and leaves. This time, you don't chase after her. 

Leigh knew she wanted an exclusive relationship but she didn't know how deep her feelings ran. Is she ready to be in love with someone? She isn't sure. Not after the rollercoaster that was Matt and his secrets. You and her were a secret and you kept it so well. Can she even trust you? Do you trust her?

Her phone ringing snaps her out of her thoughts for a second. She knows it's you. She can't answer. This is not an easy situation by any means and she needs to distance herself from you. Figure out how she really feels and maybe you will do the same. There's a chance she could lose you for good. Lose you to Becca. But that could be a good thing for both of you. 

Your phone calls don't stop for the rest of the night. The next day it's text messages and the day after, it's nothing. You finally go silent and Leigh is both relieved and terrified. She has no idea what you're thinking right now. She has no idea how you feel. She cannot believe she said those words to you. What was she thinking? She wasn't. 

The next week she receives a few messages from you, asking to talk, but she never responds. Leigh isolates herself from everyone she knows just in case you try to go to them to get to her. She doesn't hang out with Becca because she cannot stand to hear how great things are between the two of you. Or how horrible things are. Either way, she doesn't want to know. When her mom and Jules try to ask her what's wrong, she avoids the subject and they figure that she's having another “Matt episode” and they leave her be. 

Leigh decides to visit her husband's grave and think about the life they could have had. Would she be in his arms right now while he thought of another woman? Would he have left her for this woman? Or was it a crush that would have faded? Would he ever come around to the idea of kids? Or would that have been their breaking point? Did they get married too young? Did they move too fast? She has so many unanswered questions about their relationship, and he isn't here to help her figure them out. Not that him being here would have been much help. There are so many questions surrounding you and instead of talking to you, she's hoping that ghosting you will keep you away. 

Another week goes by and this time she doesn't hear from you at all. More silence. But there is no peace in it. She can't keep going like this. She wants to call you but she's scared. At least this way, the only person that gets hurt is her. You and Becca can be living happily ever after with each other and she will try to find something simple and easy. The weekend that her mom is away at a retreat and Jules is spending the night at her current girlfriends house, Leigh invites Drew to go out. She drinks and dances and flirts until she finds someone to go home with. It gets hot and heavy and she sloppily makes out with this person, trying to get their clothes off. Except, it doesn't go past the intense kissing because she breaks down into tears. She falls apart in the strangers apartment and they are nice enough to allow her the space to let it out. She ends up passing out there and they let Leigh sleep it off in their bed and they move to the coach. They drop her off at her house early the next morning. 

“Leigh,” your voice is broken and you wake to her slamming the car door shut. Leigh’s face is a mess from sleeping and crying in her makeup but that's not what you're thinking when you set your eyes on her.  You startle her as she climbs the porch steps. “Oh,” you say as you put two and two together. Leigh's hair and outfit are all out of sorts and you remember seeing her like that after a night with you. “Okay then, I'm clearly wasting my time here,” you rise and stretch your stiff limbs, sore from sleeping next to the front door, and wipe yourself off. “I’m sorry, I'll leave you alone.”

Leigh watches you in shock, you're standing in front of her. You're a mess and you're here. She has images in her head of what you would look like by now. Clean and happy and waking up to a nice warm breakfast with Becca. Not here. Not waiting for her all night. “What are you doing here?” The words come out harder than intended and she wants to rewind but it's too late. 

You scoff, “Making a fool of myself, clearly.” You start to walk away but Leigh reaches for your wrist to stop you and you do. It's been far too long without her touch and even this little bit is more than enough to get you to fall apart. 

“I’m sorry, I panicked,” she says in a small voice with her head down. You sigh as you fight against your better judgment. She has a hold on you that you didn't realize was there until you almost lost it. Or maybe you have lost it. You don't know yet. “I’m not good at this. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.”

You aren't sure if she means that she's not good at ending things or if she's not good at fixing them. You look over at your car and think about the night you ended things with Becca. You still weren't certain if you felt the same way about Leigh or if you had those feelings for Becca so you had to see for yourself. You continued to talk with her after the whole thing with Leigh but you kept your distance. Then you finally took her on a date, ready to end the night in bed with her but throughout the evening you noticed how you had to force yourself to continue a conversation or even pay attention to one of her stories. It was natural with Leigh. When you tried to sneak a taste of her food she got weird and territorial about it, surprisingly Leigh never did. Whatever you thought you had with Becca before Leigh's confession was gone and you realized that the only person you wanted to be with was Leigh. So when you dropped Becca off at her apartment and she tried to kiss you, you stopped her and told her that you had a complicated thing with someone else and that you couldn't continue with Becca anymore. She took it very hard. She was in tears and she couldn't believe that you had strung her along the way you did. You tried to tell her it wasn't like that but it didn't do any good. It was hard to end things with her but it was what was best for the both of you. 

Now you have to work it out with Leigh. Well, either you work it out or you have to let her go. “Just talk to me, Leigh. You tell me that you love me and then you run away. I've been worried sick for weeks and you wouldn't talk to me!” You pull your wrist out of her grasp and pace between her and the front door. Pulling on your already messy hair. “Then I come here and wait all night for you to let me in and you're off fucking someone else!” You stop in front of Leigh with red eyes and tears at the brim. “Am I stupid for being here?”

“No,” Leigh says as a wave of sadness hits her. Her lips quiver and she drops her shoes to grab your shirt to pull you close to her. “No, you're not stupid. I'm so sorry,” you let her lean against you, but you don't wrap your arms around her yet. Leigh sighs, happy to feel you again. “Gosh, I've missed you,” she whispers into your chest. “I didn't have sex with that person. I tried to but I didn't want to. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ghosted you. I should have stayed. I'm sorry. Is it too late?” She pulls back enough to look at you. 

Looking in her eyes, she is being sincere and vulnerable and you've never fallen for anyone harder than you are right now. You know that things won't always be easy with Leigh. But she is worth it. You wrap your arms around her and bring her into a warm embrace. You feel your heartbeat against you and it heals the cracks in your heart. “No, it's not too late.” You hold her. “But I do think we need to start over.”

“Okay, yeah,” she nods and sniffles. “Whatever you want. I'll do it. I just want to be with you,” she holds you tighter. 

“I just want to be with you,” you say as you step back and pull her into a passionate kiss. It didn’t matter to you that she had a bad morning breath with a hint of whatever alcohol she consumed the night before. And your morning breath didn’t affect her either. In fact, she wanted more of you. But you pull away before she can deepen the kiss and rest your forehead against hers. “Will you let me take you out on a proper date, Leigh Shaw?” 

“Yes, I will,” the two of you kiss again.

The End.

#smut #leigh shaw #leigh shaw smut #leigh shaw x reader #leigh shaw x you

[homunculus-argument]

I've learned to be neutral about other people being religious, but my own experience with it was definitely coloured by my issues with my dad. He was a proper Edgelord Atheist, loathing religions as a whole and christianity in particular, never hesitating to remark about how stupid and backwards or primitive it is. My mother didn't care either way, she only talks about god when she talks about gardening. So he was the only one in the house with any strong opinion about it. And yet, me and my sister were babtised, put into a christian daycare for a while and then put into christian religions classes at school.

I always loathed religion classes as a kid and didn't know why, I hated hearing about it and having to put up with it and always felt like the teacher is just insulting us by lying right at our faces, about something that surely nobody actually believes for real. My childhood best friend was put into the non-christian option despite of coming from the same kind of a vaguely culturally christian background as I did, and I envied her intensely for it. I asked repeatedly to get to go to the non-christian classes as well, and was told "no", because my mother didn't think that letting your kids do that was an option even though my friend's parents clearly had already done it.

I had a serious Edgelord Edgy Atheist phase in my teens, and was wrangled into going through confirmation anyway because Everyone Else's Kids Are Doing It Too. The aforementioned friend got to go through a non-religious version of the same thing, which I had not even known was an option, so I didn't think to ask for it. Being wrangled through jesus classes as a 15-year-old bag of spite who was only marginally self-aware enough to avoid physically wearing a fedora, I was not a pleasure to have in class.

My father was physically present in the house until I was 14, until my mother finally accepted that this man's presence might actually cause physical harm - his drunken attempts to cook almost caused a fire, and he drove drunk with me and my sister on board once - and he reluctantly agreed to be removed from the picture. His absence at home made no impact nor difference in our daily life, the man who sleeps in the spare room just wasn't sleeping in the spare room anymore.

We saw him frequently enough after that, he visited us for family events and joined us for outings. At some points I tried to bond with him, over mutual interests and passions, even tried to prompt him to join me on snide remarks about religions that he used to make all the time, but he would not. He refused to bond with his children even over mutually hating the same things. It slowly occurred to me over time that the reason why christianity had played any role in my life was because he had never, at any point at all, moved a finger to stop it. Harmless or not, he had no instinctive desire to move his children away from things he considered bad. He had hated it enough to make it known that he hates it, but genuinely just did not care enough to consider not letting him children grow up in an environment he loathed.

My father died when I was 17, and I never really mourned him - not out of hatred, but because his death had hardly even altered the empty absence that was his presence in my life. I had grown up with religious classes trying to tell me about a loving god, and I had not understood why I had hated it, why I felt betrayed and lied to. My relationship with the christian god I was taught to understand has been exactly the same as my relationship with my father.

Desperately shrieking into a void that is so vast that not even my own echo would answer, and knowing for certain that the dead silence I'm hearing in return is the complete, absolute absence of a loving Father.

[teacuppigdog]

Reasons not to be a lighthouse

So, I want to talk about the lighthouse, and what it means for Stede to be the lighthouse.

I’ve seen fanart that frames the lighthouse/kraken imagery in a light vs dark, oppositional way. Like Stede is a light that needs to rescue Ed from the dark. And jarring with that use of the imagery made me realise that I see these symbols completely differently, not in opposition but in parallel. To me it follows that if the kraken is Ed at his worst, then the lighthouse is Stede at his worst.

It’s easy to see the negative attributes of a kraken (frightening, violent), but the negative attributes of a lighthouse are less straightforward (yes, you can get smashed on the rocks, but what exactly does that tell us about Stede?).

When I considered it, it brought to mind the apocryphal tale where two nations are in contact by radio at sea. They each demand the other divert to avoid collision, going back and forth until one country says “This is the biggest, most heavily armed warship in our country’s big and heavily armed fleet. We demand that you divert course or we will fire upon you,” at which point the other country says “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”

A lighthouse is not going to divert course to avoid a collision. It’s going to stay exactly where it is, and if you don’t divert course to accommodate for it, you’re fucked. A lighthouse is a perfect metaphor for obstinance, for inflexibility. Stede can be bad at taking other people’s perspectives into account and adjusting accordingly. At his worst, he can’t even take in that other people’s perspectives may differ from his in the first place.

We see this with his family. He wants to uproot their lives and go to sea. He presents his dream as a present to Mary, and assumes she will be just as thrilled as he is, because he’s too wrapped up in his own excitement to connect with Mary as a separate individual. The dialogue then explicitly tells us how Stede is unwilling/unable to hear Mary expressing her perspective/experience:

Mary: "You know I hate the ocean. I said so just the other day." Stede: "What? When?" Mary: "When we were standing by the fucking ocean."

Mary isn’t upset that Stede has an interest in sailing, she is upset that Stede has no interest in actually knowing her, merely trying to fit her into his own interests. The scene where Mary repeatedly tries to get Stede’s attention and he ‘Mmm’s without looking up from his book also show us how he does not respond to her attempts to communicate. It’s telling that when she presents her anniversary present to him, Stede does not know Mary paints. (Honestly, I would find it completely in character for Stede if she had mentioned her painting to him several times in the past, but he just hadn’t taken it in because it’s not what he’s interested in.)

Which takes us to the consequence of this inflexibility: the lighthouse is isolated. Stede is so inflexible at times that he cannot forge the back-and-forth communication required to actually connect with other humans.

We also see this at the start of the show with his crew. I think the underlying reason that the crew wants to mutiny is how Stede cannot see things from their perspectives or accomodate for them.

Stede went into piracy with no experience, and decided to impose his own views on how to do things on his crew, without seeking to first learn from them about an area in which he has no experience. Throughout the first few episodes we see Stede trying to push his crew into being the people he expects and wants them to be, rather than trying to get to know them.

In the first episode, in the ‘talk it through as crew’ call and response, we see Stede (frankly, quite patronisingly) trying to push the crew into adopting his perspective and participate the way he wants them to. We hear Stede narrate "I pay my crew a salary. Same wage, every week, no matter what. Course, it took them a while to come 'round to the idea", and while Stede probably thinks he’s doing what’s best for them and they just can’t understand that, consider what difference it makes to the power dynamics if the results of everyone’s work are shared versus if they are completely dependant on Stede. Consider how Stede is disbelieving when Lucius says he’s the only crew member who can read ("That's not. Is that true?"), dismissing this input to the point that a couple of episodes later, when he tries to replace Lucius with Frenchie, he is surprised to discover Frenchie cannot write.

When Stede decides that the crew should vacation in episode two, he says explicitly "Your time is yours to do with as you please" and "There's literally no way to mess this up." He then almost immediately starts telling the crew what they can and can’t do, responding to their methods of unwinding with "That is NOT what I was talking about!". You’re not allowed to spend your downtime roughhousing, becasue Stede does not enjoy roughhousing. Stede’s preconception of himself as a captain is that he is accepting and he listens, but the actuality of his captaining style is that he tries to push his crew into complying with his preferences.

In the third episode, Stede is completely unwilling to learn from his crew – most of whom have visited the Pirate Republic before – about how things work there. When Lucius tries to advise him (repeatedly) he dismisses it (repeatedly).

If the kraken represents a toxic masculinity aligned with aggressive and threatening behaviour, then the lighthouse represents a toxic masculinity aligned with is mansplaining, blind confidence and the assumption of authority.

In episode four, their meeting starts Stede and Ed’s arc of mutual character development. I think it’s a crucial moment in Stede’s development when he excitedly presents Ed with Stede’s preconception of who Ed is – a picture of Blackbeard from one of his pirate books – and Stede actually sees and takes in Ed’s response. Stede listens to Ed. And after having listened, Stede adjusts his course. While Stede’s perspective is firmly that being Blackbeard would be great (he says that he’d give up everything for just a day of being Blackbeard), what he says to Ed isn’t encouragement to keep going, insisting that surely Ed’s life is amazing. Instead, it’s: "Look. I can't believe I'm saying this, but have you ever considered retirement?" This might be the first moment in the show where Stede is considering things from someone else’s perspective. And that’s the start of him being able to reach past his previous isolation and actually connect.

Stede still struggles at times with seeing past himself for the rest of the show, but episode four is a turning point. It introduces his capacity to change and a new willingness to learn.

For the rest of the show, we see Stede succeed when he stops trying to be the isolated beacon that gives detached direction, when he can see past his preconceptions, connect and adjust, and we see him fail when he can’t. In episode five his moment of triumph is rooted in a moment of connecting with and listening to Frenchie. When Frenchie expresses his experience – “I was in service for a minute so I now the lay of the land and trust me, servants, they see everything. This lot, they're not so fancy” – Stede actually takes it in, and that gives him the idea to ask Abshir for the information that Stede builds into his passive aggression bomb. In episode six Stede comes pretty close to explicitly naming the problem and solution himself: "I'd like to apologise for my behaviour earlier. As total as my theatrical knowledge may be, I did forget the most important thing: company!"

I think what takes the crew from where they started at the brink of mutiny, to the intense loyalty they have by the end, is not a change of heart on their part, but Stede changing. Stede softening his dismissive streak, starting to genuinely rather than superficially listen to his crew and to respect their input.

When Stede feels he needs to be the lighthouse, he feels he must be the guiding light all on his own. He can’t have his guidance questioned, because then he’s failing in his role.

I think this sense that ‘knowing best’ is supposed to fall entirely to him is one of the reasons why he feels so guilty about leaving Mary: he is supposed to be her guiding light, so surely without him she must be lost? Surely, without his light, his family have been smashed up against the rocks? It is his sense that he has failed in his duties at being his family’s lighthouse that makes him falter at the crucial moment when he leaves Ed. Stede seeing that actually, his family are just fine at finding their own direction (and Stede finally, finally, listening to and allowing himself to be changed by Mary) is what shows him that he doesn’t have to be the lighthouse.

I don’t think he returns to his crew as a guiding light. I think he returns ready to adjust course as he goes, with his crew’s support and collaboration.

#ofmd meta #stede bonnet #our flag means death #ofmd #I was going to add another section about how Ed is the counterpoint to this #how (as others have explored in excellent meta) Ed is too flexible to others in contrast with Stede not being flexible enough #and how I understand that with the overall lighthouse/kraken symbolism #but I think that might be a whole other meta because this is already pretty long #my ofmd meta

[just-a-random-dead-thing]

~Lost and found~ (Larissa Weems x student!reader)

The reader is 19 in this fic!!! The show makes it clear they have students well above the age of consent.

Sorry for the longer than expected wait! Mocks are a bitch and a half! The reader is a snarky little shit in this chapter btw- The chapters will be getting slightly longer as I get more comfortable with the story but please let me know if you would prefer shorter chapters.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2 (1.2k words)

Thank you for all your kind words about the last chapter <3 I hope you continue to enjoy my shitty angst!!!

Lastly thank you once again to @thefangedman for the editing to make the story make any semblance of sense. You should check out their Tiffany Valentine fic! It's amazing!!!

Static takes over my senses. I slowly come round from my near death experience at the hands of my own Headmistress - ‘my duty is to protect all the students within these walls’ my ass. The glaring lights start to bother my shut eyes, begging me to open them and rejoin the living world. I'll give it 5 more minutes. I haven't had a nap like this in years.

Just as I'm getting comfortable, I hear the tapping of heels on a wooden floor, pacing back and forth. From what I can piece together, Weems accidentally impeded my ability to breathe; I passed out and she has dragged me to her office because she's too embarrassed to tell the nursing staff what happened. Hmm... I should have some fun with her. Fake amnesia seems like it'll do the trick. I mentally smirk, thinking over the horrified reaction I'll get to see on her face.

I flutter open my eyes to play into the act of just having awoken. I stare at the ceiling, hearing her rush towards me. "Mx/Mr/Miss L/N, how are you feeling? It appears you... umm, passed out in the corridor."

I turn to face her, sitting up on the leather sofa I'm lying on. I rub my forehead, slightly obscuring my eye as a confused expression crosses my features.

"...I'm sorry but who is Mx/Mr/Miss L/N, and who are you?" Her face, like I thought, is priceless - she even backs away slightly.

Her voice quivers as she talks, an unfamiliar tone in the usually confident woman.

"S-shit...no no no. This can't be happening, I d-didn't. God, what am I going to do-" with this, she grips my face in her hand, the other removing my own from my forehead, grasping it gently as our eyes meeting in perfect alignment. The only difference is her eyes are glazed over with tears that will fall any second, "I am so sorry, Y/N..."

God, this was meant to be fun, but it's just depressing.

I swear, she has an ability to suck all the joy out of anything I do. I roll my eyes at her, but in reality a small part of me feels regret. Regret over my actions, regret over leaving her in this state, but alas, I repress this thought and lean into the anger. I rip my hand out of hers and shove her away from me.

"You're so annoying! I can't even prank you after you nearly murder me without you sucking the joy out of it. Also- thanks for being too scared to take me to see the nursing staff, or even an actual fucking doctor incase God forbid you got into trouble. I could have gotten actual brain damage-"

I am interrupted mid-rant when she embraces me, her face buried in my neck, now fully sobbing. Fuck. Why do I always have to be such a blunt asshole? I need Noah to translate my words into nice ‘feeling protecting’ ones, he's good at all the dumb emotional stuff. Normally I am at least okay at faking, and I can get by, but everything just feels so foggy. No matter how hard I try, I can't concentrate on finding the right words.

I feel awkward as her hot tears sear into my skin like a mark of shame. I bring my hand to her head, undoing her usual pristine hairstyle. I run my hand over her scalp and the nape of her neck, gently scratching her skin. She calms down slowly, relaxing more into me more. My hand slows with her tears, until both cease and we remain there, unmoving for what feels like eternity. Neither one of us knows how to proceed, not wanting to ruin our brief moment of peace and unspoken understanding of what the other needs.

It has to end eventually however, and I am the one to do so, saying words I never thought I'd utter to this woman in my life. Before I can gather what to say three simple words cross my mind, "...I am sorry."

No. I will never apologise to this woman.

Instead I simply remove all venom from my being. I render myself completely vulnerable to her, a spider without its fangs, completely defenceless. "I don't think before I speak. As you know I'm not exactly great at the whole communication thing. So understand, I did not mean to hurt you. I just struggle when taking others emotions into account and instead I chose to be selfish by lashing out at you, it was immature of me."

The air felt thick as I tried to regain my lost stoicism. I feel shame and pity for both of us. I pry her away from my body as I stand, desperately needing to leave, but my legs buckle beneath my weight as everything goes blurry - fuck. I must have hit my head harder than I thought.

Before my body can meet the welcoming ground, I am snatched by a set of strong arms. She turns me to face her once more, before gently setting me on the settee. She turns away from me walking towards her desk as she speaks, her voice still not quite back to it's typical happy/mildly aggressive cadence.

"I had the nurses come to see you here, because I know you don't like the nursing wing of the academy. They said you'd have a mild concussion from hitting your head, and told me to observe you, which is why I didn't put you in your dorm. I know you think of me as being too proud to admit when I am wrong, but I want you to know I will never put my pride before the health of you, or anyone else in this academy."

God, what is wrong with Weems, I think I broke her. She's being too emotional - in the sad way, normally she's just angry. I swear, she speaks exclusively in passive aggressive niceness. I lift my head to properly meet her eyes.

She has taken her seat pride of place behind her desk, having almost the same power behind it as when a queen takes her throne. I begin to verbalise my thoughts.

"Are you on your period? Or are you too old for that... when does menopause start? Oh wait, could it be perimenopause? Oh god, are you pregnant? Can you still even get pregnant?" I become horrified as the last thought even crossed my mind, that poor child.

I notice Weem's equally horrified expression contorting her features, "Mx/Mr/Miss L/N just how old do you think I am exactly? I also don't appreciate the invasive line of questioning, but for your information, no, I am not pregnant."

I shutter slightly feeling her peircing gaze wait for me to answer her. "I want to say, 54...?" Oh God, she looks like she's about to slap me. "54! I beg your pardon, Mx/Mr/Miss L/N, I am 44, and I do not appreciate you aging me a decade! I should give you an extra detention for this alone."

I look at her, wondering if she has been seriously affected by my words, merely her vanity showing as per usual, or if this is her failed attempt trying to be more humorous while scolding me. I run my hand through my hair and let it fall over my eyes.

"I don't give a shit how old you are! You still cried like a baby either way, get over yourself, you're not 2. So what? You nearly murdered someone, we've all been there. You aren't special, so don't expect sympathy from me!"

Weems stands once and strides towards me. I am not interested in her lectures about manners and etiquette, so I leave quickly through the nearest set of doors and out into the corridor, taking a sharp right into the closest room to me.

Grabbing the chair beside me, I barricade the door, allowing myself to slide down it and contemplate all that's happened thus far, while also figuring out an excuse. I look around the room, only now realising I've locked myself within Weems' bedroom.

"Shit."

================tags================

@the-bagel24, @suckerforcate

#larissa weems x reader #larissa weems #student x professor #wenclair #oc #morticia x gomez #enid sinclair #wednesday addams #marilyn thornhill #mortica addams #gomez addams

[b3achysurfer]

I really wanna talk about this scene where “Logan saves Ashlyn” because I really believe it’s more than just that

I’m gonna be referencing mostly episodes 34, 35, 43, and 44 just in case you want to do your own digging 😋!

for starters I kinda bugs me when people brush this whole scene off as ‘Logan saving ash’ because 3 things:

1.) Logan saving Ashlyn didn’t really feel natural! mans was allllll the way in the graveyard, he was scared, it was dark, and he didn’t have any prior experience with using guns. but he still somehow did it in 1 shot. I honestly feel like that bit was so that he can’t be excluded from the later celebration and so that him being left behind had a purpose.

2.) ASHLYN WOULDVE SURVIVED WHETHER OR NOT HE MADE THE SHOT!!!!! if anything we’d probably learn a lot more about the phantoms if Logan had never shot his gun.

3.) I feel like Logan making the shot was suppose to distract us from the important lore aspect we see during the scene. we already know red loves throwing in foreshadowing and small hints for us. Especially when these hints get covered by other scenes so that we only notice them after we get the new information and we re-read old chapters. We can see an example of this in the same episode when Taylor offers to go see why Aiden was screaming and Tyler quickly takes action instead and sends her upstairs. it’s obvious that going back outside was the more dangerous option which is why Tyler told her she shouldn’t do it. But at the time many people brushed this off as Tyler caring about his sister as much as any brother would, and a part of his ‘jock/I’m bigger and better than everyone’ attuide seeping through. then later on in chapter 49, we learn about Tyler’s promise to always take care of Taylor and their mom, and we see how their safety is always his priority even if it’s to much for him. Taylor’s frown makes a lot more sense after we get this context.

Anyways what I’m trying to say is that I think Logan saving ash was suppose to draw away our attention to the whole reason he was even able to get the shot in the first place.

Ashlyn is convinced she’s gonna die here and this is her last effort to live. So very strong emotion. But pay attention to her voice box thing. It’s black and has the red streaks around it.

The phantom immediately pauses, as if it understands her. Also, it’s aggression vanished as soon as she spoke. This being LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL HER pauses and starts to question her!! In some twisted way Ashlyn can communicate with phantoms, or at the very least they can tell there is also a connection between her and them. This is literally so important and it’s not talking about enough. Even though no one has ever tried speaking directly to the phantoms before this, I do think this trait only belongs to ashlyn. For starters we already know that she has the strongest connection to the phantom world, and she’s the only one who can actually hear them. Her parents also said that they saw the phantoms after ashlyn was born. This is important for later on.

The only other time we ever see the black text bubble is here when Logan is mad (chapter 42) his shadow has also changed to his phantom world-self. Notice that even though his actions are connected to the phantom there is no red streaks next to his text box?

The fight obviously shows again that they affect the real world because their emotions and phantom and blah blah. This is all stuff we know. But hear me out! View their actions as if they are part phantom.

Ashlyn’s commanding them to do something while feeling strong emotions. Her text box is black with the red streaks again. Just like it was during the scene that ‘Logan saves her’.

And just like the phantom, all of them freeze and their violent behavior disappears. The fact that it’s all in sync and they all stop immediately shows that they didn’t just stop because their friend told them to. They stopped because Ashlyn’s commands have some strength to them. And remember earlier when I said think of them as part phantom? It makes sense why her commands would work, because it’s frozen a phantom before.

AND LOOK!!!! THEY SOUND JUST LIKE THE PHANTOMS! The fact that this guy doesn’t react to that statement means that his organization already knows this. They already know that the kids are partly related to the phantoms. Ashlyn’s especially.

I guess this can split into two ideas:

1.) Ashlyn’s becoming part phantom the fastest. And I don’t mean that she’ll eventually become a full phantom but idk how else to phrase it. Her words can already be understood by phantoms and they have enough impact to confuse and stop phantoms in place. The phantom tilting their head at Ashlyn was kinda like ‘how did you do that?’ .

2.) Ashlyn’s connection gives her semi-control over phantoms. This could be a skill she has to develop over time but the fact that her words were able to break that main cast out of their anger and brought them back into reality shows that they CAN listen to her commands. Either she’s not strong enough yet to control real phantoms or she can only stun them, ash was still able to communicate with the phantom.

That scene is such an important building block that people just brush over. I just don’t see a lot of people talking about the fact that Ashlyn can talk/control phantoms in a way. Or maybe she can’t and all of this means smth else but it’s still so important.

Also before ppl jump on me for saying Ash would’ve lived w/ or w/o logan:

Aiden was literally two seconds away from getting to ash. Plus the phantom was stunned. We don’t know if this hesitation would’ve lasted long or not, but it would’ve been enough time for Aiden to crawl to the top of the roof or for Ashlyn to kick it away. Ashyln was also in shock though so I’m not sure she would’ve been able to do much. But if Aiden saw the phantom on her he would’ve went crazy bro. Do not touch his girl ❌🙅‍♀️❌ All jokes aside though, we definitely would’ve learn more about the connection between Ashlyn and phantoms if Logan didn’t shoot. Not blaming him or anything but I’m just saying.

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANKS FOR READING!!

#school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #schoolbus graveyard #sbg #sbg theories #sbg posts

[sirfrogsworth]

Actually, I might have too many reasons.

I'm afraid it has been a really difficult few years for me and my family.

Our beloved corgi, Otis, developed a terrible condition (degenerative myelopathy) that made him lose the function of his back legs. Once his quality of life diminished passed the point where he could no longer experience joy as a dog and only had hardship and suffering to look forward to, we had to put him to sleep.

In February, despite taking painstaking measures to stay safe, my entire family contracted COVID and I also developed a kidney stone at the same time. Unfortunately, my mother was on medication that made her immune system pretty much useless. She died a horribly lonely death in the ICU. The last time I got to speak to her was over the telephone, with a nurse holding the phone up to her face. She was confused and scared and could not breathe despite being on two different breathing aids. All she could do was ask if my dad and I were okay. She was more worried about us than herself. Then they had to put her mask back on and she kept trying to talk even though I couldn't understand her. All I could hear was the fear in her voice. I tried to tell her how much I loved her one last time, but I have no idea if she could hear me.

She lost consciousness soon after and never woke up. Eventually her heart gave up and she passed. I only got to see her once briefly through a glass door. Her body was still alive, but she was already gone at that point. Just an unconscious vessel attached to machines.

My father has kidney failure and heart failure. He is being kept alive by dialysis 3 times per week. He hates going and it wipes him out every time. We hope he has a year or two left, but it's impossible to know for sure.

I am his caretaker even though I am also disabled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Narcolepsy. I do my best to make sure his needs are met. My brother has been almost no help at all. A few friends and my aunt come by every once in a while to help with chores, but it's pretty much just me alone taking care of the both of us.

I have no idea where I am going to live if my dad passes away. I have no plan. I have no energy to make a plan. And that fear makes it hard to sleep many nights.

Then I was having these horrible stomach issues and lost nearly 30 pounds (in a bad way). The discomfort got so bad at one point I became suicidal. My dad feared for my life and so he called the police and EMTs. They admitted me into the hospital. After 2 days in the ER, being stuck in a small room because they had no other place to put me during COVID, I was finally admitted to a psychiatric ward for observation. Weirdly my stomach issues started improving and my suicidal thoughts passed.

I'm honestly not sure if I would have taken my own life if I had not been admitted. But I will say those two days in a tiny ER room did not do much to improve my mental health. It is sad that in this country with all its resources, there is no such thing as urgent mental healthcare. They just stick you in a room and make sure you can't hurt yourself as you wait in line to get the actual help you need.

Thankfully I was able to adjust some medication I was taking and resolve my stomach issues. That seemed to relieve me of my dangerous thoughts and I have been okay in that regard ever since.

My dad had a serious infection in July that placed him in the hospital. He lost the ability to walk, his heart stopped briefly, and he started having horrible hallucinations. At one point I wasn't sure if he would ever return to reality. Nothing he said made any sense. Thankfully once they treated the infection and he got decent sleep he returned to lucidity. But he had to go through brutal rehab in order to walk again (with a walker and only short distances).

He was in hospital and rehab for over a month. After what happened to my mom, I promised myself that my dad would not be alone in the hospital. So, no matter how bad I physically felt, I pushed myself to visit him and be at his bedside every day and all day until they kicked me out. It was grueling for both of us, but I don't know if he would have recovered if I hadn't been there. Partly because I kept his spirits up, but also because I was able to get him better care as an advocate. I had to push to make sure he got the tests and medication he needed and saw the doctors that could help him. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

The only bright side of his hospital stay is that we rediscovered our love for St. Louis Cardinals baseball. We bonded over it and ended up watching every game. We were very sad when they were quickly eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. But it was a magical season as two fan-favorite players were playing their final season and they had amazing and emotional sendoffs. (Albert Pujols and Yadier Molina) It is my hope that my dad has at least one more baseball season left in him.

My health took a serious downturn earlier this year. It happened on the very same day that my best friend Katrina came to visit from Florida. I got so sick I could barely appreciate her presence when she was here. I had been looking forward to seeing her for a very long time and my stupid chronic illness ruined it. I was counting on that visit to give me a mental health boost.

I recovered a few weeks later, but my health has never been the same. I had to adjust to a new normal and adapt and find ways to take care of my father despite being further impaired.

I also lost my last creative outlet--writing. I enjoy researching and writing long and humorous political essays, but since my health declined further, I have not been able to write like that ever since. I'm really hoping I can regain that ability, but I'm unsure if that will happen.

One of my best friends is trans and I have many trans friends and followers and I am just really scared for them right now. The laws that are being proposed and passed are unjust and cruel. I have never witnessed such an effective campaign of hatred in my lifetime. I mean, I know there has always been hatred of the marginalized in every era of modern human existence, but this seems to go beyond just the conservative hate-mongers. It is not couched in subtext and dog whistles. It is overt and very "out loud." And I'm seeing people who claim to be progressive join in this hatred.

They are suddenly super worried about sports they never used to pay attention to. They think bathrooms are suddenly dens of danger despite trans people existing long before this concentrated hate became popular and bathrooms being perfectly safe beforehand. And now people believe that helping trans kids with proper healthcare is akin to child abuse. They think accepting trans kids is "grooming."

I see Twitter and Reddit threads filled with transphobia and it often brings me to tears to see people openly and comfortably hate the people I love so much. They hate people who have no tangible effect on their lives. People who just want to exist and be respected.

I just don't know how people can hate my friends so much without even knowing them.

Also, I'm just... really really lonely. All the time. It feels like a constant punch in the gut. I miss seeing and hugging my friends. I miss romantic companionship. And I've got a 20+ year streak of being sexually frustrated and am completely unsure how in the world to address that.

And finally, I decided to watch The Handmaid's Tale which is just full of rape and sadness. I figured I'm already horribly depressed, so a show probably isn't going to do much more damage. But it is still a tough watch.

That's the major headlines of my depression.

I'm just trying to survive and find little ways to cope. Mostly I am leaning on my support system and amazing best friends to keep me propped up and functioning.

Best I can do right now.

#trigger warning #depression #sad things #transphobia #rape mention

[0rb0t]

Don't mind me, just talking about Shadow as being on the autistic spectrum, and how his portrayal in the games and anime (before 2010s era) reflected this even if it was never outright stated.

(TIME FOR A CHARACTER ANALYSIS ABOUT SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG)

    When I was in high school, I struggled a lot in social situations, I'd go completely stiff and just watch people. I had a "resting bitch face", I never really could have conversations and seemed to just fixate on things. I'd make observations that irritated people. I'd ask "why" a lot. (Asking why or even asking 'obvious' questions seemed to make people think I was questioning their judgment, or that I was challenging them. But no, I just didn't understand and wanted clarification. I still run into this a lot and I wish people would stop assuming I have ulterior motives. I just wanna understand stuff better cause it doesn't connect for me. Even if it seems obvious. I'm the genius that asked my mom why she was crying at her dad's funeral when I was 11. It's not that I didn't understand why Grandpa was gone, I knew he passed away, but it hadn't really landed for me, and my brain registered my mom's sadness before it registered the why.)

    I didn't like small talk (still don't) and would rather every interaction have a specific purpose. You'd never catch me at a party and I didn't think drinking or drugs looked fun or interesting. The act of rebelling didn't interest me either. The few interests I did have were something I'd always go back to, and I couldn't function without them. (For me, drawing has always been a huge part of my life and if I didn't have a pencil or pen and paper, then I couldn't hear. I know, very weird. If I were doodling or just even had my sketchbook open, I could study a lot easier. In High school, my teachers started telling me to put the sketchbook away, and my grades plummeted because my attention did, too. Trying to tell them just kind of led to the same old "well everyone else can't doodle so you can't either". I wasn't in any of the special ed stuff because I guess I masked too well.)

    Sonic 06 and Sonic X have the same characterization for Shadow, especially in Japanese, and I think that's honestly the best he'd ever been-- he's quiet, he's reserved, he observes and he doesn't like to "waste time". Not because he's edgy, not because he's a jerk or too serious, but because he struggles in social situations and he's more introverted. He doesn't want to be the centre of attention, he doesn't enjoy any of that. Shadow also behaves like an adult, and I'm sure a ton of us on the spectrum have heard that before, that we're very mature for our age. In reality, we can't relate with our peers and have very fixated interests that don't really expand to other things. Limited interests and we just wanna do stuff tied to that. We know so much about that one thing or those things, but those things won't get you ahead in school. Unless you're LUCKY and your fixation is math, oy vey! (My fixation was etymology. I loved learning and knowing where words came from. Useful for 2 seconds in English class, quickly loses its usefulness in a skill-oriented world.)

    I don't even think he's naturally boastful, at least he wasn't since SA2 (when he was an antagonist), but Sonic brings out a competitive side in him. Sonic brings out the childhood-self that he lost to trauma and being sealed away. Shadow never got to be a normal kid/adult. He has always had expectations placed on him. I think Sonic really brings out a side of him that even surprises himself. It's why he will even say very often "What am I doing?" or "This is such a waste of time!" but he won't STOP… Because he's having fun and doesn't know how to describe his own feelings. Shadow's the type who'll say "I'm fine" no matter what state he's in when you ask if he's okay. My spouse is like this actually-- I can often tell when he's feeling down, but he doesn't know how to describe emotions beyond functional things like "i'm healthy" or "i'm unhealthy", so he'll say he's fine even if he's having a melancholy day. I struggle with understanding my emotional responses, but not necessarily identifying them. A lot of people on the spectrum do struggle with identifying their emotions beyond empirical things. "Do I feel sick? No? then I'm fine" Shadow is exactly like this. And because his expression is so neutral, sometimes intense, he gets mistaken as being angry or too serious. In reality, he's just standing there. He's not gonna expend energy smiling when he's got nothing to smile about. Why force yourself to emote for people? Especially if it feels unnatural.

    Another thing about Shadow being autistic is if he's got nothing to say, then he won't say it. If he wants to leave, he'll leave. Good luck stopping him! But for many actual people it's not an option to leave. We can't just teleport out or skate at lightning speeds like he can, so we have to just sit there and do little coping or self soothing methods to keep ourselves in the moment and calm. We don't often see Shadow stimming in traditionally understood ways, like lip biting or rubbing his arms or fidgeting with his fingers-- but he often stands with his arms crossed. This CAN BE a stim. Feeling the weight of your arms on top of each other, it allows for you to be aware of your own body. I fold my arms a lot in public, because I'm usually playing with the hem of my sleeves, or I'm rubbing my arms or squeezing them. Shadow doesn't seem to do any of that but he's rarely seen without his arms folded.

    When his arms aren't folded, he stands so still and just stares at people. He looks completely out of his element. He doesn't seem to have a relaxed stance--until the anime, where he's shown standing with his hand on his hip. Rouge also does this, leading to the popular headcanons that Shadow is unintentionally imitating Rouge-- his masking leads him to identify the most 'normal' person in the room and copy their behavior in order to blend in better. Unfortunately it rarely, in my experience, leads to people NOT thinking I'm weird. Sometimes I'll even start imitating speech patterns or accents and BOY. I don't even realize I'm doing it until it HAPPENS. So embarrassing. But Shadow absolutely imitates everyone around him. We can see him do this even as far back as Sonic Heroes--that scene where he's nodding or shaking his head to whatever Rouge is saying. The scene where Sonic starts getting competitive and Shadow starts kind of imitating his posture and his way of speaking to become competitive with them-- I don't even think he realizes he's doing it. But it also makes sense with his NAME.

    His name is Shadow. I think of Peter Pan, where Peter's Shadow can sometimes get away from him. Usually it does everything he does, but sometimes it gets away and does its own things, and Peter has to catch it. Wendy sews the shadow back on in Hook. I think Shadow's name is referencing that as well, that just like a shadow, he mimics those around him. He's watching over them, but also copying them. Learning to blend in.

    Another moment I adore is in SA2 (and Sonic X) when Amy Rose hugs him from behind. According to the 2010s era and early IDW, you'd have expected Shadow to push her away or yell DONT TOUCH ME or whatever. But no, he actually just goes REALLY RIGID and doesn't even say anything. It isn't until Amy realizes her mistake that Shadow turns around to look at her, smiling like 'What are you doing???' But in Sonic X, they changed this scene further into autistic territory--

    Shadow doesn't even TURN to her. He goes rigid, yes, and his eyes widen and he just stands there looking towards the audience like 8| He's completely OUT OF HIS ELEMENT. He prepared for the mission, NOT to deal with random people HUGGING HIM. He's probably not been hugged since Maria over 50 years ago. We don't even know if Maria hugged him much because Shadow has always seemed pretty touch-averse. I love GIVING hugs and I love receiving hugs but only from people I'm REALLY close to. I don't even like getting hugs from extended family. My spouse? VERY touch averse. He'll get hugs from me but hugging and touch are just not his thing. Shadow is not a huggy person, but he does tend to hold hands.

    We know he grabbed and held Maria's hand, running with her-- but we never actually saw that until Sonic X (2003) he can be seen running with her away from the military, and he's holding her hand as he leads her. In Shadow the Hedgehog, Maria often grabs Shadow's hand when telling him things. This is also a grounding method to bring the person into the moment. For me, I feel like I can focus better on what my spouse is saying to me when he holds my hand and it's crowded or busy. Even in our home, if he wants to tell me something, I recommend that he hold my hand or touch my arm so I can focus on him better. This happens with Shadow.

    Sonic doesn't tend to hold peoples' hands. In Sonic X he usually just picks people up, but we do see him grab Elise's arm in 06 and run with her. But holding hands? Not really his thing! Shadow does do it more often though. In Sonic X S3, in the episode, Molly's Dream, Shadow's immediate way of leading Molly away from danger is to grab and hold her hand. He even keeps holding her hand until she lets go. It speaks to me the sort of childlike behavior he may still be exhibiting, but not that I'm trying to say that autistic people are more like children. From my experience on the spectrum, I am more childish than my peers. I still react like a kid might to things, and I don't really think like an adult is expected to. I am mentally behind my peers as well, I think my emotional maturity is lower? But it's hard to measure that without a doctor. It's not just about laughing at fart jokes or knowing to pay bills, it's like, how I problem solve is more creatively aligned with kids than it is adults. This is both great and terrible, depending on the situation. A situation that requires math and stuff cannot be solved my way. A situation that involves encouraging kids to try again or be nice to each other, well it's very useful because I can communicate with them on their level (I was a teacher in South Korea for over half a decade, my brain was great for being a teacher but not great for other things).

    I think Shadow really gets misread as a mean guy a lot, but he really isn't. I also don't really enjoy the headcanons that imagine him as very outgoing and whimsical when he was on the ARK, and I especially don't like headcanons that infantilize him-- I really don't like headcanons where people infantilize autistic people. We've seen Shadow when he loses his memories a few times. In Heroes, but also in S3 of Sonic X-- his personality is still the same. He's still reserved, he's still quiet, he still struggles in social situations and prefers getting to the point rather than dilly-dallying. I'd argue that he was exactly like that before the incident on the ARK, too. It's just that the incident caused his inner peace to be destroyed. His precious person, Maria, was no longer around and he lost everything all at once. He doubled down on the one thing that made sense: Revenge. But even after all of that was sorted out, he's not gonna just magically be a different person. He's still reserved, he's still serious, he's still "get to the point". If he played FFXIV, he'd only focus on main quests, and never do side quests. He'd never spend money on cosmetics, probably. He's likely a person who values gameplay over story. If the game is broken or the mechanics aren't utilized well, that's probably more what he'd be fixated on than whether the story was good or not. He'd skip through dialogue because he reads fast, even if the dialogue is voiced (my spouse does this and it drives me nuts. SHADOW I BEG OF YOU PLEASE DO IT FOR ME, DISABLE THE VOICE ACTING IN OPTIONS SO I STOP HEARING THE FIRST UTTERANCE OF A WORD EVERY TIME U MASH THROUGH THE DIALOGUE)

    Trauma affects people in all kinds of ways. I don't think all autistic people are like Shadow, because autism is a spectrum and no two people present exactly the same, although there will be similarities. Shadow's trauma happened at a time where he barely knew himself already, so that's why it was so easy for him to fixate on revenge, and then he'd be content with dying afterwards because he figured he had nothing left to live for. Finding out he was wrong was the best thing that could have happened to him.

    I was really saddened when SEGA decided he was an edgelord who hated everything and had no friends because that's such a horrible read of this nuanced character. In my personal headcanons for Shadow, he's actually very into plants and flowers, because Maria loved the planet so much. And eventually he learns to love the planet because of nature. Shadow's never going to be a people person, in fact he probably still doesn't care much for people as a whole, but that doesn't mean he won't step up when they need his help. Which is why his line in Sonic 06 is still so poignant. "If the world chooses to become my enemy, then I'll fight like I always have." Basically, it really doesn't matter, I've made my choice, I know who I am now and I get to make those decisions. No one else will shake the foundations of who I am.

    And because he knows who he is, he doesn't feel the need to repeat it and boast about himself. He's confident, not arrogant. He can be smug and competitive, but that's playfulness, not cruelty. He's quiet and may just straight up walk away while someone is mid-sentence, but that's not because he's evil or intentionally being a jerk-- it's just how he is. He needs to work on it if he wants to have friends, but his friends already understand him very well. They know that he's like that, and from what we saw in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, occasionally they forget it's not personal. I'm happy to see them admitting "oh no, I completely misjudged you, I'm so sorry!" because it's been way too long since we've heard the main cast apologize to Shadow for assuming he was a big jerk on purpose.

    Knowing the restrictions on how Shadow is written have been lifted, I'm really hoping we can get more of how he's meant to be, the reserved, socially awkward but well-meaning hedgehog we love. Autistic Shadow FTW!

    

(our experiences and headcanons

may differ, that's okay.)

#character analysis #character meta #shadow character meta #shadow the hedgehog #long post #sonic the hedgehog #sth shadow #shadow autism moments #he's just like me fr fr #sonic headcanons #shadow headcanons

[wheels-of-despair]

Live A Little | A Worth It AU | Ralph Penbury x You | Masterlist

In This Edition: You and Ralph venture out of your cabin! Words: 1.3k

You wake to the sound of angry whispers.

"It's not proper!"

"Those kids have been through Hell together!"

"They're not married!"

Ralph's eyes open. You hold your breath and listen closely, watching each other beneath the covers and not daring to move a muscle.

"And?"

"And it's despicable! Having to share a room with… with…"

"With my niece, and the boy who saved her life?"

"I thought you said his sister was on board! Send him there, or back to the lounge!"

"My girl wouldn't leave that boy to get on a boat and save her own life, and you think she's going to let him go because you said so?"

A proud smile spreads across your face. You knew Aunt Molly would always be on your side.

"Ugh!" The other woman groans in frustration, and you hear the door open.

"If you think for one minute that I'm--" Molly shuts the door, and your eavesdropping is abruptly cut off.

"She's got it wrong," Ralph whispers. "You're the one who saved me."

"Aunt Molly is never wrong," you smile.

"Then perhaps we'll have to agree to disagree."

"That won't do," you argue, reaching out to cup the side of his face. "Because we saved each other."

You're already close, but you both move your faces forward just a tiny bit for a kiss.

The door closes again.

"Food's here, kids! I let you sleep through dinner last night, but I draw the line at missing breakfast."

Aunt Molly sits on her bed and tells you about how the other survivors are being treated by the generous crew and passengers of the Carpathia while you eat, but you find it hard to concentrate. You do notice that she makes no mention of the argument with her roommate… whose few possessions have disappeared.

Molly leaves again when you've finished eating, and you and Ralph return to bed. You've never been so exhausted in your life. You're grateful for your tiny bed, and the boy you're sharing it with.

There are no windows in your cabin. The only marker of time is whispered words on well-timed bouts of consciousness with Ralph. You remember getting up to eat once more, and to visit the lavatory. You have a vague memory of Molly suggesting that you switch beds, now that Hettie had found other accommodations, and guiding you and Ralph to the slightly larger mattress.

You'd continue to sleep inches apart anyhow.

"Should we go find Victoria?" you ask, during one of those rare occasions you're both awake at the same time.

"No," Ralph sighs. "I don't want to see her."

"I don't want to see anyone but you," you breathe.

"Likewise," he says.

And then you both drift off again.

"I can't stop dreaming about it," Ralph admits another time.

You know exactly what he's talking about. It haunts you too.

"What would you like to dream about?" you ask.

"You," he answers.

"Perhaps if we concentrate on happier things, we'll dream about them?"

"It's worth a try," Ralph sighs. "I want to see snow. Real snow, not just a flurry. I want to be in a warm house, with you, looking out the window at the falling snow. At Christmastime."

"That sounds wonderful," you smile, closing your eyes and trying to picture it. "I'll make us hot cocoa... we can bake cookies… maybe it'll be so hot, we'll have to take our clothes off…"

"Mm…" Ralph hums.

You both drift off again, hoping to experience the romantic scene you've set instead of the horrifying vision of the sea swallowing an unsinkable ship.

It's not until after dinner, delivered by Molly, that you feel truly awake again. Your aches have subsided. Your brain isn't foggy anymore. Your body still wants to remain in bed, however, so you lie there on your back next to Ralph, looking at the ceiling.

"I think I'll enjoy being on solid ground again," you muse.

Ralph doesn't respond. You turn your head to see a worried expression on his face.

"Ralph? Are you alright?"

"Do you still want to marry me?

His question makes your heart stop. Is he having second thoughts? You turn your gaze back to the ceiling, rather than stare at him in fear.

"Of course I do, Ralph. Do you still want to marry me?"

"Absolutely, but… do you think your parents will allow it?"

"I'd like to see them try and stop us," you respond without even having to think about it.

Ralph looks taken aback by your comment.

"I love you, Ralph Penbury," you smile, squeezing his hand and gazing at him in adoration. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Whether it's an hour or a lifetime, I want it to be with you. And I don't give a damn what anyone else has to say about it."

Ralph's eyes begin to water. He leans over for a kiss. It starts sweet, but soon turns desperate. Passionate. Something you haven't felt up to in days.

"I'm so happy I met you," he breathes.

"So am I," you smile, cupping his jaw and staring into his beautiful eyes. You can't imagine spending another day without him.

"Let's do it," you suggest.

"Do what?"

"Let's get married."

"Have we not just established we're going to?" he asks.

"Now."

"Now?"

"Let's get married now," you clarify. "They can't object if it's already done."

"Do you mean it?"

You nod.

"But… weddings take months to plan."

"Do you want to wait months, Ralph?"

His brow furrows, and you can see him weighing his options.

"You'd be willing to forego the dress, and the flowers, and the church? Your family being present? All those traditions? For me?"

"I don't need any of that, Ralph," you smile. "All I need is you."

"Are you sure?"

"Ralph, please don't think that I'm trying to pressure you into this. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. We're both tired and hazy still. If you want to--"

"No," he interrupts. "Are you sure you want me?"

The unsure look on his face pains you. How can he not see that he's your entire world? You lean forward for a deep kiss.

"Now who's mad?" you ask, pulling back with a smile. You cradle his face in your hands. "Of course I want you, Ralph. You're the only one I've ever wanted. And I'll still want you tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. We don't have to do this now, if you're not ready. I'll wait forever for you."

Ralph stares at you for a moment, then laughs.

"I love you," he says, leaning over to pepper your face with kisses.

"I love you too, Ralph," you giggle, lying helplessly under his attack.

"Well, my love, shall we find ourselves a minister?" he asks when he finishes.

You grin and roll out of bed. You visit the lavatories and fix yourselves up the best you can, and set off in search of a holy man. A steward directs you to the person you're looking for.

You had no idea a wedding could happen so quickly. All the ones you'd attended back home had taken months to plan, like Ralph said. Hundreds of guests, many of whom the bride and groom probably didn't even like. Thousands spent on venues and decorations and dinner for hundreds. So much commotion, the people it was for barely had time to speak to each other.

And then there was this. A quiet ceremony in a dark corner of a ship's library, days after an event that would surely be one for the history books. In the clothes you'd been wearing for days. No fanfare at all; just you, the man you love, and the man reading scripture who would happily sign the necessary papers for a young couple who chose love in the face of tragedy.

It was perfect.

#writings of despair #ralphtanic #ralph penbury #ralph penbury x you #ralph penbury x reader #ralph timewasters