#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me) #i keep on doing it for no apparent reason #someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that. #even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women. #i hate it here! #for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man! #at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage #and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk #but at the same time i. want to be loved. #i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself #i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it #and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately #this isn't entirely related but it kind of is #like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it? #i don't know. i don't know! #for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know #i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that. #but i don't know how to stop it. #i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all. #this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are #queer stuff tag #i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as #the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing #ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded #also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him #i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know #i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all. #i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever #care for me #now im rambling. sorry

[kienansidhe]

heres an anecdote ive been thinking about.

i grew up in an evangelical christian cult under very extreme surveillance and censorship of incoming information. i didnt know the actual history of christianity, the real history, not the fake stuff i was taught, for many, many years. as far as i knew, the bible i read cover to cover every year was the only bible there had ever been, was the literal word of god, and the only issue was how to translate it from the original hebrew and greek. i had no reason to question this until high school, when my brother and i were sent walking around the neighborhood wearing brightly colored "ask me about jesus" tags.

an older neighbor working on his front lawn called us over. "okay," he said. "ill bite. tell me about jesus." so of course, we gave him the story we had been taught. original sin, hell, jesus dying on the cross, etc. etc. he listened patiently, then talked a bit abt his own personal spirituality. i dont remember the specifics, i think he actually was a sort of christian in a way, but only as a personal, private thing, no church, smth we had never encountered before. more importantly, he told us to look up the council of nicea.

our parents were very vague about their answer, so i ended up looking it up on wikipedia. i read that the bible as i knew it was only one canon, defined fairly recently, by one faction of the church. i learned about the existence of the apocrypha, that a bunch of old men had sat down and decided which books of the bible they considered the real word of god, which were fake.

of course, our upbringing had already provided their own magical answers for this kind of problem, but the seed was planted, alongside many other little seeds that were beginning to sink in and take root. what i knew came into direct conflict with the outside world, which gave me a point of entry for questions. how do we know which men were inspired by god? what did the other rejected books say? through this train of thought i came to find countless questions about the bible that were not as conclusively answered as i had been led to believe. prior to this, my conflicts with christianity had been on the basis of my own gut feelings. this feels wrong, arent i hurting people? but that one clue, the council of nicea, gave me a point of reference to start dismantling the whole theological basis for what i was taught.

eventually i found out that even the very concept of hell was a fabrication. i had read the bible faithfully for my whole life, once thru, cover to cover, every year. things like a lake of fire, eternity separated from god, a lot of the pieces that make up the popular concept of hell were there, scattered throughout, but when i realized that these fragments i had read had been manipulated and conflated to me from toddlerhood, that the bible never actually describes hell as i knew it, well. the whole tower crumbled.

for years i had struggled with the basic conflict of seeing with my own eyes that the things i said and did hurt people, that many horrible things had been done in the name of god. this was and always had been the original, basic instinct for my difficulty with christianity. but hell, hell had been the ultimate lynchpin. if hell was real, if not being christian doomed you to an eternity of literal torture, then any hurt i and other christians inflicted was justified. i truly evangelized and told people they were bad and going to hell out of a brainwashed desire to save them. i was terrified for them, for myself, for everyone. i dont think i will ever fully be able to convey how afraid i was, from my very first inklings of consciousness. hell tied it all together. i would do anything, anything to keep myself and those i cared about from suffering for eternity. even if my friends hated me, i had to plant the seed and pray for god to grow it in them. i had to.

once hell came into question, that fear finally began to lighten. cracks in my prison. a critical piece of information that had been carefully hidden my entire life. information that changed everything.

when youre sufficiently brainwashed, its hard to know where to even begin to question the world as you know it. your gut might tell you something is wrong, but when your world has self contained answers for everything, when it all seems to be one smooth globe around you, it can be hard to find the cracks. it seems impenetrable.

sometimes you need a little help to find the cracks.

i dont rlly have a point to this post, i just think about that weird old guy a lot. he sold heirloom tomato seedlings out of his backyard for $5 each, had torn up the entire yard without his landlords permission, and god those tomatoes were the best ive ever had. i wonder if hes still around, selling tomatoes, teaching people to question what theyve been told. id like to tell him how much he changed my life.

#headspace #idk just musing #this was gonna be another post but this anecdote took over so i cut the other stuff for later lol #i hope youre having a great time tomato guy

[swimmer963]

Growth mindset or whatever

So there’s a trait I seem to have, best encapsulated by an anecdote: 

I currently sing in a choir with a bunch of my friends. I do this even though I am by no stretch of the imagination a particularly talented singer. Not the point. I love singing, it’s good for my mood and wellbeing, it gives me an endorphin high and makes me feel warm fuzzies for the people I’m singing with. 

Recently, there was an invite for a small-group extra rehearsal, where there was some expectation that you might be the only one on your part. I eagerly volunteered myself even though I *know* from past experience that the last time I did this (I was in a church choir and had to hold a part alone during one sunday service due to an unexpected failure of all the other sopranos to show up), it did not go well and I was basically told to leave the choir by the new director. Singing is great and I wasn’t about to turn down an extra opportunity to sing. 

I also volunteered myself to sing alto, even though I *know* I have a harder time getting my notes if they’re not the highest note in a chord - how am I ever going to improve at this if I don’t practice when I have the chance? 

I ended up having one friend join me on alto, and we showed up early to practice just our part together, and were starting to get it mostly-down while it was just us. Then the rest of the group showed up, and we tried to do a sing-through, and I very quickly had my face shoved in the fact that my sense of relative pitch is *shit* and I was approximately guessing my notes. We went off to do sectionals and practice just with the soprano singer, and I *still* couldn’t get it – my brain was refusing to give me any feedback except ‘???’ about whether I was singing the right note. 

I was feeling stuck, frustrated and self-conscious and humiliated, not knowing how to make progress...and then my friend suggested I sing with my pitch-detection app open (which I’d done while practicing stuff alone but hadn’t pulled out in a group rehearsal before). And suddenly I sang it through 80% correct on the first go, because I had all the *other* skills involved (reading music, quickly self-correcting to match the right note), I just needed a feedback loop to replace “person next to me confidently singing the right note.” No one can stop me from using a pitch app all the time! Maybe it’s cheating but cheating is just strategy! 

It was an exhilarating experience and I am 100% going back next time. 

---

Growth mindset is a common phrase in my social circles. I also hear people talk a lot about perfectionism and social anxiety, and the damage done to children when they are praised for inherent traits like intelligence, incorporate "good at X” into their self-image, and end up demoralized and too afraid of failure to try hard things. 

I won’t claim to have none of this problem, but it’s specific to a couple of areas, and I think it’s more of the form “negative updates would hurt a lot” than “I’m afraid to try hard things.” My response to fears like “what if I’m just not smart enough to X?” is a combination of “[shrug] I know I don’t have the raw talent to be a Nobel-prize-winning mathematician, tell me something new” and “well, no one thought I had enough innate musical talent at 11 to learn how to sing, and I sure showed them.” 

Maybe part of this is that for just about everything I’ve done, it’s not important to be the “best”, just to show up and do it at all. I was a nurse, and I didn’t need to be the *best* nurse in order for hospitals and travel agencies to fight over employing me. I’ve done ops work, despite all the skills I’m missing and all the weaknesses I’m trying to compensate for, like sucking at data-entry-type attention to detail. Sometimes I fucked up in embarrassing ways, but I was still an extra person being helpful, in a place where that was desperately needed, and that was enough to get *so much* social validation and reward. 

I do have, I think, a pretty good sense of whether my strengths and weaknesses lie on “innate” traits – where I can improve with relatively little effort. Wrapping my head around abstract systems is easy for me, relative to your average human (if not relative to my current social group). Learning fine motor tasks is not. Just means I needed to proactively hunt down every single opportunity to practice putting in IVs. I eventually did become pretty good, or at least had a reputation for it – maybe just because “jumping on any chance to practice” becomes a *habit* and I was the first to raise my hand if someone needed an IV on a “hard stick”. I was also goddamned stubborn, and would take ages to set up and carefully hunt for that one good vein, and try the max number of allowed sticks even if I didn’t expect to get it [EDIT: if the patient was okay with it, the max number is usually 2 and even very good nurses often can’t get an IV in 2 tries, and I think 80% of my IV prowess came from measures like heat packs and careful positioning that took longer to set up but made it nicer for the patient. Also, I ended up willing to try even when I didn’t expect to get it because like 25-50% of the time I *would* get it.]

(The more relevant question I ask myself for “can I realistically be excellent at X” is whether I will practice it obsessively enough. I could definitely learn programming, I just don’t enjoy it enough to end up getting good – not the way I enjoy writing, where it’s more “good luck stopping me”.) 

There are definitely areas where, looking at the balance of my innate talent, I would decide not to compete – not to show up at all. I’m calibrated enough to know where I’m not wanted, and where getting it perfectly is high-stakes enough that I shouldn’t risk it. I’ve sometimes “decided not to compete” in cases I don’t endorse on reflection, like having intellectual opinions and models of the world – my friends are smarter than me! They have *better* opinions and models!

I also pay attention at all to the social dynamics around this – the places where eagerly volunteering yourself will be taken as a claim that you “think you’re so good”, and you’ll get social punishment if you turn out to be mediocre. (I think there’s a way of navigating this where you make it clear that you *know* you suck, and are sort of earnest and puppydog about it, so no one reads it as you making a status claim.) 

If it was something I wanted badly enough, I suspect I would poke my nose in anyway. I have. I doubt the actually-good singers in the choir I joined at age 14 were very pleased by my showing up and singing the wrong notes next to them. 

Still, they let me get away with it. There are a *lot* of areas where the world has let me get away with trying new things and sucking at them; the only thing actually stopping me is embarrassment and self-consciousness, and man do I feel those sometimes, but I don’t endorse letting it get in my way. I can *act* shameless, even if I don’t always feel that way on the inside. 

(I’m aware that I may just be *lucky* to have had this experience, to have repeatedly found myself in groups that didn’t mock and shun me for having the audacity to make a claim that I could do X. Lucky that I have good enough social perception to play it right, and not look like I think I’m better than them. Lucky that I *do* have enough innate ability in enough areas that my practice usually pays off. Lucky that I’ve landed on things that were *fun* to practice obsessively. Idk.) 

This got really long and I’m not sure what my point is. Maybe just that this feels really core to who I am, and to the extent that I am good at some things as an adult, it’s because I’ve done this over and over and over again. And I wish everyone could feel that way deep down? I wish the world was such that no one was ever punished for loving something they weren’t talented at. 

(Also, if you see me doing a thing badly in public: trust me, I know I suck. I’m doing it anyway.) 

#publicly and defiantly sucking at things since the early 2000s #growth mindset #personal #kind of a blog post #i'm aware this entire post is a humblebrag sorry #instrumental rationality content #learning #self-improvement #rambles

[angstundsindallein]

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks allot about religion n spiritual stuff since getting into ghost lol. Tho I wasn't raised any type of religious, so most of the stuff that is sung about I have no clue what is going on. Going off what I know tho, how is it liking a band that 8s so very much opposite to a faith u still believe in? (Sorry if any of this is insensitive)

hey anon, 

oh im really glad you’ve asked, it’s strange that the band triggers all these thoughts because the satanism in the band is said to be a shtick, however I think it'd be impossible to listen to all of these songs to satan effectively without questioning your own belief system and what's right.

honestly ive enjoyed these thoughts because I think its healthy to question what you're a part of, I think so many people follow a religion without truly knowing what its about, and it'd be impossible to know what the truth is, because nobody alive can tell you that. 

ive found some messages sort of pulling in a way, such as in cirice - the line ‘I know your soul is not tainted, even though you've been told so’, because in church ive often felt a sort of resentment at the fact that ive had to ‘profess my sins’ and say all these lines. because, really what sins have we committed? in the faith, and in the mass, it feels like you're assumed to be a sinner or a bad person. that song gives me a message that you're understood, and that the higher power sees what you're going through and is there for you?

I kinda feel like I haven't really answered the question in that, and I'm sorry for such a long reply, its just pretty difficult to articulate things that you aren't completely sure about yourself, overall, I enjoy the questions that listening to these songs gives me, and although I feel slightly drawn in by it all, im just trying to find a balance and a way of living that is good for me and the people around me :)

feel free to pm me if you're wanting to talk about stuff!

[distractedhistotech]

Before MSA +1:  The Surprise Pepper

Lewis’ first memory was following a dead man down a street.  He didn’t know how he knew the man was dead.  He just knew, but he also knew that the dead man wasn’t dangerous. It was incredibly confusing to his young mind.

The dead man took him over to a house porch.  “This is a good family.  They’ll help you.”

“Okay…?”

The dead man left. Lewis watched him leave, suddenly feeling scared.  He had no idea who that was, but he had been the only person Lewis had known in his very brief life.  What was Lewis supposed to do now?

Lewis decided he was tired and curled up on the welcome mat to go to sleep.

Several hours later, Mr. Friggitello ‘Frig’ Pepper opened the door to get the morning paper and nearly tripped over Lewis.  He stared, mouth open in shock for several moments.  “Savina?”

“Hm?”

“There is a child sleeping on our welcome mat.”

“What?”  Mrs. Savina Pepper walked over to the front door and got a good look at Lewis.  “…Is that blood?”

“Urm…”  Frig took a closer look.  “I, uh, I think it is.”  He swallowed.  “Why does he have blood on his clothes?”

“Let’s ask him.” Savina knelt down and shook the boy. “Hey, wake up, you can’t be comfortable.”

Lewis made a sound that indicated that he didn’t want to wake up, but he did open his eyes after Mrs. Pepper shook him for a couple of moments.  He blinked up at the Peppers with sleepy eyes.  “Good morning?”

“Good morning,” greeted Savina.  “Who are you and why are you sleeping on our doormat?”

“I’m Lewis.  It’s softer than the wood,” said Lewis as that made perfect sense to him.

“It’s nice to meet you Lewis,” said Frigg.  “I’m Frigg, and this is Savina.”

“Were you separated from your parents?” asked Savina as she looked around for anyone who might look like Lewis.

Lewis thought. He had parents.  He wasn’t sure where they were…or who they were.  He decided to settle for a shrug.

“Should we call the police?” asked Frigg.

A jolt of fear shot through Lewis.  “Did I do something wrong?”

Frigg shook his head. “No, no, no!  I just…You’re in trouble, and police help people who are in trouble.”  He looked to Savina.  “But I guess maybe we don’t have to?”

Savina made a considering sound.  “Maybe if we can find Lewis’ parents ourselves.  What’s your last name?”

“I don’t know,” Lewis said slowly.  That struck him as being rather odd.

Mr. and Mrs. Pepper frowned.  “Where did this blood come from?” asked Frigg.  “You don’t seem to be injured.”

Lewis looked own at his clothes in surprise.  He’d honestly forgotten about the blood.  “I don’t hurt…”

“I’d still like to take you to the hospital.  Or at least a clinic,” said Frigg.

Savina suddenly thought of something.  “Lewis, why did you decide to rest at our hourse?”

Lewis tilted his head. “Huh?”

“There’s a cemetery behind our house.  The nearby church seems more preferable,” explained Savina.

Lewis lit up. “Oh, is that where the nice dead man came from?”

Mr. and Mrs. Pepper stared.  “Nice dead man?”

Lewis nodded. “Yeah.  He brought me here.  He said you were nice.”

While Mr. and Mrs. Pepper were rational adults and initially thought that Lewis might have imagined ‘the nice dead man’, they’d seen enough weird stuff in their house to consider that there really had been a dead man, especially since Lewis didn’t seem bothered by the idea.

Then again he was still pretty young.  Maybe he didn’t completely understand what death meant.

“I’ll call the restaurant and let them know we’re taking the day off,” decided Savina. “I’ll grab something for Lewis to eat too.”

Lewis’ stomach growled at the promise of food.  Frigg chuckled a bit as Savina walked back inside their home.  “I hope you like spicy food.  There’s not a lot in our house that isn’t.”

“I’m too hungry to care,” Lewis said.

“I can believe that,” said Frigg.  He studied Lewis for a moment.  “Hey, how old would you say you are?”

Lewis thought for a moment before shrugging.

Frigg sighed.  “Don’t know that either, huh?  What do you remember?”

“Um…The nice dead man brought me here.”

“And?”

“And, uh, the nice dead man brought me here,” repeated Lewis, looking very confused.

Oh, this was starting to look bad.  “Do you know where you’re from?”  Lewis shook his head.  “Do you have any pets?”  A shrug. “Brothers or sisters?”  A shrug.  “Where you got these clothes?”

Lewis glanced down as his simple green t-shirt and pants.  Nothing special besides the blood on them.  He shrugged again.

Frigg bit his lip. Did Lewis have amnesia?  Before he could try and figure out a way to tell, Savina returned with a plate of toast that she’d put some jam on.  “Here you go.”

Lewis lit up.  “Thank you!”  he immediately dug in.

Savina turned to Frigg.  “I called the restaurant to let them know we probably won’t be coming in today.  Let’s get Lewis to the hospital.”

“All right.”  Frigg wasn’t sure he should tell Savina about Lewis’ possible amnesia in front of Lewis.  Lewis was calm now, and Frigg wanted him to stay that way as long as possible.

It took around 15 minutes to get to the hospital.  Lewis had finished his toast by then, so they wiped off some of the jam with a towel so he wouldn’t be too sticky when they went in.  The emergency department had a few other people present, but the counter was free when they got up to it.  “Ah, hello?”

The nurse on duty looked up with a tired smile.  “Yes? I can help you?”

“My wife and I found this boy,” explained Frigg as Savina picked up Lewis and put him on her hip.  “He says his name is Lewis.  He doesn’t know who his parents are.”

That got a startled look from Savina and a concerned look from the nurse.  “I see.  Uh, Lewis, are you hurt?”  She’d noticed the blood by then.

Lewis shook his head. “Nope.”

“Do you know any adults I can contact?” asked the nurse.  Lewis shook his head.  “If that’s the case, I’ll have to contact child services and the police.”

“We understand,” said Savina.  “Do we wait or is there an open bay?”

“Well, we’re a bit short-staffed, and Lewis doesn’t seem to be in any danger, so I’ll have to ask you to wait.”

So the three sat in a group of chairs not too far from the counter.  Lewis occasionally saw people in hospital gowns walking out of the doors. No one else seemed to notice them, much to his confusion.

After a little while, a man in a police uniform came in.  His eyes swept across the room before landing on the Peppers.  He made his way over to them.  “Hello, I got a call about a missing child being found.”

“Is he missing?” asked Frigg.

“Well, I haven’t heard of any missing children matching Lewis’ description, but if you found him he must have been missing at some point,” reasoned the officer, who clearly had some odd logic going on.

Frigg sweatdropped. “Uh, I see…”

The officer took out a notebook.  “So, would you mind telling me the events leading up to your trip to the hospital?”

The story was told mostly by Mr. and Mrs. Pepper with occasional input from Lewis. Unfortunately, this meant he mentioned the nice dead man.  Fortunately, the officer seemed to think this was a living person and asked Lewis to describe him up until Lewis mentioned that part of his neck was missing.  Then he figured this was someone Lewis saw die or something along those lines.

“Excuse me, but what is going to happen to Lewis?” asked Frigg.

The officer closed his notebook.  “Lewis will be taken into the care of child services until his legal guardians are found. If they cannot be found, I suppose he’ll be placed in a foster family, maybe adopted.”

“Can’t I stay with Mr. Frigg and Mrs. Savina?” asked Lewis.  “They’re nice, and I like them!”

“You’ll have to ask the child services representative.  They’ll know more about that than I do.”  The officer frowned.  “Actually, I’m surprised they haven’t shown up yet.  I wonder if they’re having a busy day.  And these two will have to be okay with it of course.”

Lewis turned and looked at the Peppers with big, hopeful eyes.  It reminded Frigg of the time he found a box of abandoned kittens that he took in even though he was allergic.  Savina simply had bad experiences with the foster system.  “We have room.  He could stay,” she said.

“Ye-yeah!  I know this isn’t exactly how we were planning on having kids, but this feels…important?  Special? I just feel like this was meant to be and we should do this,” agreed Frigg.

“Well, that would depend on us not finding Lewis’ family,” said the officer.  “You seem like a nice couple though.  Oh, hey, I think that’s the child services officer.”

The person he was talking about was a tired looking, middle-aged woman.  She caught sight of them and hurried over, putting on a smile. “Hello there.  I’m sorry I took so long.  There was an…incident that I had to take care of.”  She knelt down so she was at the same level as Lewis.  “Hello Lewis.  I’m Catherine.  How are you today?”

“Hungry,” Lewis answered promptly.  “I ate all the toast.”

“I see.  Maybe we can go get you something to eat once the doctors have looked you over,” suggested Catherine.  “But can you tell me where your parents are first?”

“I don’t know,” said Lewis, starting to get annoyed at how the grown ups were asking him questions he just didn’t know the answer to.  “I don’t know who they are.”

“I see.  I’m sorry.  Can you tell me who you were staying with?”

“I don’t know.”

The police officer cleared his throat.  “Lewis may have some sort of amnesia,” he whispered.

Catherine winced. “Oh dear.  Well, what can you tell me about yourself?”

“My name is Lewis. I like Mr. Frigg and Mrs. Savina! And toast with jam!”  Lewis tried to think of something else to say.

“Can you tell me how old you are?” prodded Catherine.

“No.”  Lewis wasn’t trying to be difficult, but he was certainly making it difficult.

“Peppers?” called a nurse.

They moved to a hospital bay where a doctor started taking some vitals.  “A bit dehydrated, but I don’t think we need to put him on an IV,” said the doctor.  “Maybe get him some juice.”  The doctor started feeling around Lewis’ head.

“Ow!”

“Looks like you’ve got a pretty bad bump on your head.”

“Is that why he’s having trouble remembering things?” asked Frigg.

“Probably not.  Amnesia caused by head injuries is pretty rare, at least to this extent.  It’s much more likely to be psychological,” explained the doctor.  “He might remember.  He might not. You might have results if he sees a child psychologist.  However, all in all, I’d say he’s a healthy boy.  I can’t say for sure how old Lewis is, but I’d his development would be in the range of 5-6 years old.”  He paused. “I’d say 6 given your size.”

“Oh…”  Lewis made a note.  It felt a bit better to know how old he was.

“There are no signs of abuse?” asked Catherine.

The doctor shook his head.  “No, his parents took care of him, whoever they are.”

Lewis suddenly wondered who his Mom and Dad were.

“Now, I understand you two were interested in looking after Lewis?”  Mr. and Mrs. Pepper nodded.  “That’s excellent!  But as we may be able to locate his parents, you won’t be able to adopt him at first. Also, I will have to do a house check, and I’ll need to know who will be taking care of Lewis while you’re at work.”

“I think we can hire a babysitter until Lewis can go to school.  Then we can take turns taking weekends off to stay with him,” suggested Frigg.

Savina nodded.  “It might require hiring another chef or sous chef, but I think it could work.  Perhaps if he makes some friends at school, he can spend time with them.”

“I wanna make friends!” agreed Lewis.

Catherine nodded. “Good, good.  I’ll check on you three weekly for the first month, and after that we can stick to monthly visits until it an adoption is possible.”

As the small group started to walk out of the hospital, Lewis happily grabbed Mr. and Mrs. Pepper’s hands.  Despite only knowing them for a few hours, Lewis felt safe and happy around them.

Lewis hoped he’d be able to stay with them.

#Mystery Skulls animated #technically a crossover but the other series isn't present yet #Lewis Pepper #Mr. Pepper #Mrs. Pepper #I have no idea what their first names are #Child in trouble #Fluff #First meetings

[marvmacdonald]

“she's fucking impetuous and daring, a little too bold and way too fucking fearless.”

MARY MACDONALD is 21 years old and works as an JUNIOR AUROR and is loyal to THE OOTP they were an GRYFFINDOR and are a MUGGLEBORN. SHE look like CHRISTIAN SERRATOS. 

CHARACTER PARALLELS: jessica jones ( jessica jones ), leia organa ( star wars ), arya stark ( asoiaf ), johanna mason ( the hunger games ), nancy wheeler ( stranger things ), rosa diaz ( b99 ), ellie ( the last of us ), raven reyes ( the 100 ), kat edison ( the bold type ), nina zenik ( six of crows ) AESTHETIC: red lipstick stains on drained cups of tea, leather jackets, cigarette bums crushed under doc martens, sitting down in the shower and letting time pass by, always wearing your gold cross necklace, messy ponytails, beer burps, laughter that’s filled with desperation, jean dungarees, screaming in your pillow, mud stained clothes, denim on denim on denim. LINKS: stats. pinboard. character tag. playlist.

history

mary had a little lamb? WRONG. mary had a little calf. because she was born on a dairy farm in the highlands of scotland ( laugh at my joke pls i worked hard on it ). she was born third to two muggles – a scottish father and a mexican mother, who loved each other deeply – and would eventually become their middle child. she could have become overlooked, but mary never felt discounted at home: while her parents were very often busy with the cows, their love ran deep.

her youth consisted of this: running through fields of grass, attending a muggle elementary where people sang songs at her ( old macdonald had a farm and mary had a little lamb, the former of which was, of course, accurate ), playing with the animals, building tree houses with her brothers and sister and playing football every spare moment she got. it was good and simple and wholesome.

of course, strange things happened, as they tend to with muggleborns: she’d explode her brother’s toy when she got angry, or let things fly around the room when she was laughing. when she found out she was a witch at age eleven, things fell in its place. and the macdonalds, while traditional catholics, accepted mary, which is the most important thing of it all. her parents were shocked, yes, but they squeezed her shoulder and promised to discover this all together.

which?? very much influenced mary greatly? because it went against a lot of things they – and she, too – believed in. magic was deemed evil by the church they attended. everything about this was supposed to be wrong, but her parents shifted their views because their love for their daughter was greater than their desire to cling to all the rules the church laid down for them, this has allowed her to have a faith in people, and while she may be cynical and bitter at times, that faith is still there.

i mean --- her parents accepted her, they were capable of openmindedness despite being traditional people in most other situations. other people can too.

hogwarts was as chaotic as home, and mary settled in quite nicely. sorted into gryffindor ( she guessed it was for her rambunctious nature, but who knew ), she found herself a second home and loved it. as it turned out, she was rather good with a wand as well – she didn’t do so good at essays, though – and genuinely liked learning ( except for history of magic. fuck that. ).

being a muggleborn had its downsides, of course, but mary never really allowed herself to feel discouraged. hurt? yes, definitely, but never discouraged. she wasn’t going to let it get to her, she told herself, but it did, especially when the harsh words turned into something more. it was during her confrontation with mulciber that mary felt true, harsh fear for the first time. she felt shut down, paralysed, depressed —– but then, after a while, she got up and took some important steps. she reported mulciber, which led to nothing, which caused her to feel angry, which in turn caused her to feel determination. if the system wasn’t going to be on her side, she’d just have to fucking change it, right? mary started throwing herself in her schoolwork, determined to join the dmle – hopefully as an auror, but any position would do. she suppressed her fear and the trauma that was there, and kept her head straight.

this entire situation is up for change and stuff when/if we get a mulciber! 

graduation rolled around and mary got the five required NEWTs to even apply. it was a nervewracking process, but once she got into auror training, she cried. like. for a full ass day. she was so proud of herself and she felt so determined and !! man. it was such a good, defining moment. around the same time, mary joined the order; she knew the ministry was corrupt, and that it’d not allow her to do everything she wanted to, when the order DID. mary had too much anger, too much determination to fight this bullshit to just stick with the ministry, and so the order seemed like the right place.

it’s only recently that mary graduated from her training and became a junior auror. it’s ... infuriating, at times, but also amazing. she hates the ministry and most of the people in it, feels paranoid in those walls, but knows that there are good people, too. people who want to better that place, like she does.

kaz brekker voice: brick by brick, i will destroy you.

also --- mary is ... very quite involved in the war. her time is divided between the order and work, and her dog. she’s determined to get this war to end. she doesn’t even care if she destroys herself in the process --- what does her life mean, if she could help save numerous people?

so right now, she’s fighting. she’s gritting her teeth and keeping her goals in the back in her mind and is focusing. and she does not always feel brave or confident or self assured, but that does not matter: mary macdonald always gets the fuck back up, and that’s what she will keep doing until she’s completely knocked down.

personality & tidbits.

mary is a human espresso. she’s so. damn. bitter?? despite the fact that she keeps on going and that she’s fighting her ass off, she’s tired and angry that things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction, she’s feeling bitter about the fact that this kind of discrimination is happening right in front of her eyes and that she does not have enough power to stop it. she feels powerless, which makes her feel bitter, which makes her cynical.

still! mary is not necessarily a debbie downer to be around. she keeps her bitterness ( and hopelessness, even ) carefully hidden in boxes in her mind. on the outside, she’s filled with quips and smiles and quick comments! just a sociable bean, but just a bitter one.

is a dog person and will fight anyone who prefers cats. has a cairn terrier called bowie. she loves him more than anyone.

obsessed with tea, tbh. her ma always said that ‘there’s nothing a cuppa can’t fix’ and mary definitely agrees with this statement.

though is also a ‘whiskey in a teacup’ kinda gal

can be spotted wearing either a rly nice ass blazer or a jean jacket, no inbetween. either office-fancy or farmer-chique

fucking loves muggle culture and loves fellow muggleborns and !!!!!! she loves it!!!

very much in a take-no-prisoners mindset at this point re: death eaters. it kind of scares her, tbh, but mary is very much capable of murdering a death eater, even if she could stun them — she’s just done. she’s very. done. with them. and this whole shbang? will only feed into this.

mary is ruthless, that’s what it boils down to. she’s a lot more than that, of course, but she’s ruthless — in small things ( football matches & boardgames ) but also in bigger ones, and of course the war is the main way it shows. mary is so angry. she’s so angry and scared and tired of feeling that way and tired of being scared to lose people and herself and of death and she’s so angry that people really are this way and that they really do these things — she wants it to stop. she wants the world to be right. and sometimes she thinks the ends do justify the means.

this is why she’s chaotic neutral and not chaotic good.

like ive had her turned to dark arts before just bc she’s so desperate to. fucking win. tbh i’m sure she has a growing interest rn. stop it mary :(

and she’s also like — mary doesnt care if she ruins herself? if she becomes a bad person who’s unable to live with the shit she’s done? as long as the world is better for it, as long as kids can go to hogwarts and feel safe and the world is a safe place for everyone. what does her soul matter in the grand scheme of things? she’d burn in hell forever if it meant the rest of the world changed for the better.

emotionally driven mess of a being

is catholic but struggles a lot with religion and feeling faithful, but she does still identify is a catholic, it’s just? complicated. it’s rly complicated and she hates it.

is a bit flighty when it comes to romance, def has a lot of one night stands/fwb situations though??? she’s just like??? i dont have time for romance its a WAR

has been trying to stop smoking for five years, but alas

a proud scot. a proud latina. proud proud proud. such a fucking lionness.

mary was a beater during her time at hogwarts and was Highly competitive. threw herself into the sport tbh after the mulciber incident. she still thinks football is superior, but you know, it isnt in the air.

she’s pan and out of the closet --- something that did put a strain on her relationship with her family. ( the fact that they could accept her magic but not her sexuality ... baffles mary, but bigots have never been very reasonable. ) she’s not very open about it at home, but otherwise ... she’s out here lovin everyone.

plot ideas!

roomies —– so mary is not Earning A Whole Lot Right Now but does not want to live at home any more because 1. its in the middle of nowhere and 2. most importantly, she’s afraid of endangering her family. she needs roomies! i’d love for her to live in glasgow/edinburgh/london/idk a city!!!

hook ups/fwb’s/etc —– mary is what the old ppl call promiscuous and she sleeps around. so ! let’s talk! former hook ups! booty calls! friends with benefits! etc etc etc!

party pals —- mary likes going to pubs and clubs in the muggle part of town bc it is a LIT way to escape the reality of the wizarding world and also, muggle clubs have better music. come party w her!!!!

in the dragon’s den together —- fellow ministry employees who side eye the ministry and whom mary can sip tea and judge their colleagues with

mudbloods club —- mary loves her fellow muggleborns and i would love some muggleborn friends that she can be buds with. ranting about dumb pureblood names and traditions and the fact that wizards dont have movies

general friendship ideas —- im just going to a bunch of ideas here: hogwarts friends, ride or dies, order pals, friendly exes, fellow tea drinkers that she can go on coffee/tea dates with, friends who are growing apart bc of the war (my fave), etc.

etc —- some other ideas i want to spitball: purists who h8 on mary’s life, fellow diagon alley employees, fellow order members, Annoyances, there is solidarity in being scottish, ministry connections, etc etc etc HIT ME UP

#maraudrs:intro

[spacephant0m]

cw for personal talk about religion/spirituality and trying to find myself. Srry for typos

I’m in my room on the verge of tears and switching between crying and having a blank stare, watching brendon’s livestream on my ipad while i type this. I’m trying to study witchcraft to some extent as I’ve never really read much of anything about it before. Specifically I was reading about christian witches. Now the thing is like, i grew up as a christian. And nowadays i still believe in God definitely, but i hate christian practices. I remember reading and studying world religions in college last year and absolutely loving it and being so sad because i never experienced such practices in my own faith that actually seemed..... like, fun, and super connective. Me bawling my eyes out at church camp and being “lost” was not exactly what i originally thought it was. I was just mentally ill and didnt know it. Deep down i always knew i had a connection with God that wasnt faltering over silly shit a kid does wrong. Kid sins. Whatever the fuck. As much as i fucken prayed and asked for forgiveness, i was fine. Christianity is always a race to be closer to God and its like.... how close can i get when im doing the same fucking exact practices over and over.... they never really taught us about meditation and becoming one with your surroundings and idk, letting your spirit free. They kind of talked about it sometimes.

But i just hate the entire setup of church. I miss the family aspect so much. Thats all i miss. I miss bible study but really i just miss the points where we talked about life. Thats usually what we did, we would have an entire lesson setup and it would become totally derailed by our conversations. And it was real and i had a sense of community that i cant get anywhere else. I havent been able to find it anywhere else. But i also miss my personal sense of spirituality. I love that word and i love that it has so many encapsulating meanings. I dont wanna be like a white man self acclaimed guru who’s like read this book it’ll help you change your life....... i feel like those guys really appropriate culture and commercialize it. Its kinda gross. I try not to associate myself with that idea but every time i think about meditating more and shit im like “ew im gonna be a gross white guy whos all at peace w himself and lives in the mountains and shit” AND IT MAKES ME MAD. I’m having a beer right now instead of a cup of tea. Probably a mistake. Tea helps me feel better but im filling my body w shit at the moment bc thats what happens when i get this sad.

Anyways i really hate the idea of practicing a religion. I made a post before asking for sort of an advice on this, like was it okay for me to like witchy things and not actually be one. I was told yes its totally okay. And im not disrespectful of anyone and i dont make fun of any religion. I just persoaally cannot see myself involved with having an actual religion. I dont even consider myself christian so how could i ever proclaim myself as a christian witch, idk.

I dont want to label myself at all. Maybe i dont need any of this. Maybe i just need to play dnd and live vicariously thru my character. Use that shit as therapy. I hear it helps a lot with mental health and social skills. That of which i am verily lacking. I’m just hurting and im pissed off. I dont know why exactly. I just want to do meditation and i wanna buy my crystals and start doing yoga again. This year i have been stretching more. Actually i started on the first of feb. i stretch every day and do vocal exercises to help my voice get more control and deepen it a bit (transmasc).

I am also just a bit overwhelmed at everything. I dont know where to start. All i know is i want to burn incense like i used to growing up bc it always made me happy. And that i only believe in like..... cleansing through these elements and a prayer to God. But i’ve always had faith issues because im so insecure, i never think God will actually help me because maybe i dont deserve it or maybe he just doesnt want to.

I’m also scared im gonna do something wrong or fuck something up. That something bad will happen or something because im dumb. I dont know if i could mix my own herbs that feel right to me, or if i should use a recipe. I feel stupid that i dont have as much faith in prayer as i wish i did, but i have faith that little rocks will help to cleanse negative energy and things like that.

I dont know why im crying, i guess because im so insecure? Or maybe life is just rly hard and i’m overthinking everything. I just feel kinda bad. Yet when my friends tell me theyre praying for me, i do have faith in that and it means the world to me.

I know none of this is a big deal to anyone, and maybe none of it should matter. But im like. Idk. Im very interested in plants and medicines of the earth and shit like i always have been ever since i was young i thought of myself as like. Awakened and shit LOL whatever that means @ 10 year old me. I dont want to feel like anything controls me or owns me, i want to feel like i am in control of my own life and that i could harness the energy around me to not only like bring me peace of mind but to help me through my journey of life.

But i guess my biggest issue is i have no fuckin clue where to start. I hate reading and all this research im trying to do to help myself figure out what i enjoy is just. Making me so fucken overwhelmed. I only read like. 1 blog post and 2 articles and im already losing it. I always grew up w the mindset that God will take care of everything but like. He already has. In my mind. Because he’s already given us all the tools we need. But folks just like. Wanna be lazy and wait for things to happen. Sometimes all u can do is wait but when it comes to like, being THE ONES IN CONTROL, “prayers for america” is dumb as fck.

Idk i dont know anything and its okay to not know right now but i want something more in my life but i want it to be like.... totally personal and i dont want it to be absolutely everything my life revolves around. I want it to just be something i do and that i love. I dont need a label for it. But idk. I just dont know what to do.

If anyone has any sort of advice or is dealing with anything like this i’d love to hear about it. My ask and msgs are open as well. I feel pretty alone right now. Im just patiently waiting for my paycheck tomorrow so i can buy these crystals i rly want. But who knows what it will take to satisfy my hungry soul.

Another problem i rly have honestly is just like. Spending a lot of money on a lot of hobbies. I feel shitty for having so many things i enjoy doing. I try to narrow it down. I havent started embroidery bc i dont wanna spend more money and i feel like i’ll never have enough time to practice. Im just. Mediocre at a lot of things instead of rly super good at one thing. I mean i think im pretty great at drawing but thats about it. But ive been doing that for 10 years so ofc im good at it NOW. But ffs. I wanna do so many things and its overwhelming. I work a minimum wage job and its. I dont have enough money for anything lol so most of my stuff is low-budge† which is fine i guess but. Idk. Im tired. Im sad.

I dont know how to be more spiritual i dont know where to start. And my mind is telling me to slap a label on it or its not anything of value. Which is bullshit. But y’know. Anxiety n shit.

#witchcraft #witch #spirituality #religion #christian witch #meditation #blurb #finding myself #spiritual advice #religious advice #tryin not to cry again #removing labels #self help #i guess #personal #dandan speaks #idk what tags to use

[thepilotanon]

springbeauty iv

{masterlist}

Everyone has been super amazing and sweet, I can’t believe it! Thank you all so much for being so great to me, it really means a lot. I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

warning: none just lots of adorable sadie and awesome sister mellie!

“Aunt Belle!” Sadie yelled as she ran from her father’s truck over to where her uncle and his girlfriend were busying themselves on the porch of the double-wide trailer with their small garden and cleanup. Clyde was sitting on the steps, deadheading flowers from a large pot while Belle was on her knees nearby, planting a new set of flowers near the railing. Hearing his niece yell all excited and running towards them, Clyde felt his lips twitch to a small smile at seeing his girlfriend look up from her project.

“Hi, sweetie!” Belle gushed as she turned her torso for the young girl’s body to tackle her, being careful not to fall back on the flower bed. Hearing Sadie giggle excitedly as Belle snuggled her cheek against the child’s blonde hair, the woman grinned. “Be careful, okay? I have dirt on my hands right now and I don’t want to get your pretty dress all messy.”

“I don’t care!” Sadie declared proudly as she kissed Belle’s cheek before hopping over to Clyde, who remained in his spot as he made room for her to jump on him next. “Hi, Uncle Clyde! Your nose looks all better now!” Sadie pressed another kiss to her uncle’s scruffy cheek, making him chuckle at her never ending sweetness. “Are you pulling bad flowers out of the daisies? What you’re doing is removing deadheads!”

“Mmhm,” Clyde nodded as Sadie dropped herself on his lap and pulled the basket pot closer.

“I’m going to help,” Sadie said with a determined tone. “I’ve done this plenty with Aunt Belle, so I’m really good at it.”

“Do you remember what kind of daisies those are, Sadie?” Belle asked as she went back to softening the dirt with her trovel as Jimmy made his way up the yard.

The little girl looked at the red colored flowers for a long moment, allowing Clyde to reach around her to snag a wilted head and tossed it away. “They’re called the happy daisies, I know that…or cheery daisies,” she mumbled as Belle nodded in agreement, encouraging her to go on. “Gerby...Gerbert?”

“Close, they’re called gerbera daisies,” Clyde answered casually, making Belle giggle as he patted Sadie’s back with his right hand. “You’re gettin’ to be smarter than me with flowers, kid.”

The bright grin on Sadie’s face was like the sun in summer, making Clyde smile back as his niece proceeded to do his job.

“Makin’ my kid know ‘bout flowers and makin’ her ramble about what color roses mean when I take her shoppin’,” Jimmy scowled playfully as Belle tossed a small ball of dirt at his already dirty jeans. He laughed when Belle shook her head. “I gotta tell ya how she told me to make up to Syl by what color roses to get her last time she got mad at me!”

“I don’t think any sort of flower bouquet can translate to Sylvia ‘My name is Jimmy Logan and I was stupid in forgetting that I need a healthier diet and not bacon-covered donuts’,” Belle mimicked teasingly back to him as he feigned hurt. “At least Sadie knows how to help you when I won’t.”

“Clyde, I swear to God you have the most ruthless woman,” Jimmy faked pain as he nudged his foot at Belle’s rear, making her smack his leg with a laugh. “Hey sweet pea, why don’t ya tell Belle what’cha got today for the campin’ trip?”

“I picked out my own tent!” Sadie squealed, jumping up from Clyde’s lap. She hurried over to the crouched woman and begged her to get up by bouncing. “I gotta show ya, Aunt Belle! It’s a tent that I can have all to myself when we go campin’! Please come see it, Aunt Belle!”

“I’m coming, sweetie,” Belle nodded as she wiped her hands on her jeans, getting helped up by the little girl and practically being dragged across the ground to the back of Jimmy’s truck.

Finding the distance well enough between the girls, Jimmy rolled his head playfully to his brother with pursed lips and bashful eyes. Clyde narrowed his brows at him and leaned back at the unusual, flirty behavior from him.

“Are you excited for the weekend?” Jimmy asked in a girlish whisper, popping his foot. “Gonna get yerself a fiesty bride-to-be by Monday, bein’ all romancin’ and stuff?”

The plan Clyde had on where to propose to his girl was someplace personal to the Logan family. Every year the Logan brothers took a family camping trip to a secluded campsite where their parents had their proposal; a tradition specifically reserved for the boys to learn where their father brought their mother to a scenic field by the river and proposed with the sunshine and nature being the soundtrack. Clyde remembered how he listened to his dad’s story growing up by the campfire and how he dreamed of proposing to his own girl in the same spot when he grew up. To him, with how Belle loved fresh air and understanding how this camping trip was very special to the brothers, it couldn’t be any more perfect for proposing with the ring he carried on his person every day for safekeeping.

“Are you just going to keep teasin’ me until I ask?” Clyde asked Jimmy as he kept behaving so weird.

“Oh naw, baby brother,” Jimmy grinned. “I’m gonna keep teasin’ ya after she says yes and you two gonna be cuddling like teenagers in yer tent.”

Rolling his eyes, Clyde went back to his small chore with the flower pot. “At least know that I appreciate ya invitin’ Sylvia along to look less suspicious. With Dayton seemin’ to send messages non stop online, don’t want her to think I’m tryin’ to keep her away from runnin’ in to him.”

“He still buggin’ Belle?” Jimmy frown, losing all sorts of humor at the mention when Clyde shrugged. “The hell?”

“Well with Belle bein’ busy with the flower shop and comin’ home in time to see me, she doesn’t think much of it until she sees the messages.” Plucking a deadhead off and tossing it to the pile, Clyde took a deep breath. “If anythin’, Belle seems very annoyed about it ‘cause he brings up Charlotte and how shady I am.”

“Is she? Belle ain’t hiding nothin’ from you ‘bout this, even though he’s her friend from home?”

“That’s the odd part, she don’t really seem to take him as a friend like she normally would. She don’t treat Dayton any closer than she does with Mel, and I dunno if that’s just ‘cause Mel is a girl or what,” Clyde sighed. “I just don’t like seein’ her irritated with it, is all. She’s not holdin’ on to it for long and leaves it at the end of the day, but I don’t want her worryin’ during the trip.”

“Well, good thing there’s no cell service!” Jimmy threw his hands up like he was praising in church. “This proposal’s gonna be easy!”

“What proposal?”

Jimmy jumped like a frightened cat at Belle standing behind him with Sadie on her back, looking at the older Logan with a raised brow as he began stammering. Carefully setting the little girl down on the grass, Belle allowed Sadie to cling to her and hold her hand. “Jesus, when Sadie wanted to sneak up on you, I wasn’t expecting you to react like that. Sorry about that, Jimmy…”

“N-nah, not like that,” Jimmy breathed as Sadie laughed at him.

“So what’s this proposal thing you were saying is going to be easy?” Belle asked casually, a polite smile on her face as Clyde finally stood up a bit too quickly.

“Jimmy wants to make a proposal to the bank ‘bout expanding his store,” Clyde blurted, catching his girl’s attention. “With how good business is with the one store, he’s thinkin’ ‘bout setting one up out somewhere else…”

“Oh really?” Belle perked. “Wow, that sounds amazing, Jimmy! If you need help setting up a presentation or practice talking, let me know. I’m sure Sylvia is probably already helping you with it, but another set of ears won’t hurt.”

Clyde sent a sharp glare to his brother, who instantly went along with it. “Y’know, since Syl’s gonna hit the road after the campin’ trip, it might help if ya take a look. Since you seem to prove that the Jimmy Logan Charm don’t work on everybody…”

Belle rolled her eyes before bumping her hip against Sadie. “I made some cinnamon apple cookies this morning, want to be my official taste tester, angel?”

“Yeah! Apples are healthy and taste really good!” Sadie jumped excitedly as she hurried past Clyde up the porch. Belle snickered and got on the first two steps to be leveled with Clyde, stopping for a moment to press a kiss to his cheek as he stared dangerously at Jimmy. Once Belle got inside the trailer, Jimmy dared to meet his brother’s eyes with slight hesitation.

“That was a close call,” Jimmy whispered.

“Sometimes I really wanna kick yer ass…”

Jimmy pouted his lips. “But you love me enough not to…”

Clyde’s internal turmoil lifted as soon as he saw Belle setting Sadie on the kitchen counter after washing their hands and holding out the tupperware filled with the sweet smelling cookies. Seeing Sadie get excited by picking out a cookie and taking the first bite while Belle asked if she wanted something to drink, Clyde went over to return the cheek kiss while Jimmy attempted sneak by and steal a bite of Sadie’s cookie. Clyde felt better when Belle caught his brother’s ear and tugged him away from his daughter’s treat, making him chuckle. He wasn’t sure how Belle does it…

“What do’ya mean I gotta pay in advance?”

“The flowers you’re looking for by the time you plan to have your wedding ceremony won’t be in season, so we will have to take care of them in the greenhouse to make sure they’re available for you. The prepaying plan goes to taking care of your flowers, like electricity, the soil and -”

“Did I ask you for a list? You think I’m stupid?”

Mellie watched from behind her magazine as Belle stood professional and calm with the angry woman chewing gum. Poorly bleached hair and obvious acrylics with encrusted diamonds to hide the cracks, Mellie could practically smell the cheap desperate housewife vibes this particular bitch was trying to go for. Not only was she being particularly loud with her voice, but the Logan sister was so close to throwing a punch for all that gum smacking. It was amazing how Belle was maintaining such a sweet and customer-service persona like it was second nature.

“You own this establishment? Ya sound like ya own this place with these prices,” the snippy woman snapped at Belle, pointing her painted finger at her.

Belle shook her head politely. “No, I do not, ma’am. The owner is actually out of town for a family emergency, but will be back -”

“I wanna talk to the manager - the owner, someone! Jus’ not you. You’re pissin’ me off with your voice!”

Belle tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, keeping her cool. “He will be back on Friday,” she told the frantic woman softly. “If you would like to leave your contact information and make an appointment to discuss -”

“I’m comin’ back on Friday, and be damn sure I will be tellin’ ‘em ‘bout how this customer service is,” the woman threatened plainly before stalking out of the shop, the bell jingling wildly as she left to the parking lot. Both Belle and Mellie waited until she got into her car, slamming the door shut and drive off before Mellie watched her best friend turn around and release a breath.

“Whoever plans on marryin’ that bridezilla better have a thick wallet to shove in her mouth, jus’ to shut her up,” Mellie groaned dramatically as she slapped the magazine down. “Honey, I don’t know how you do it, keepin’ your sweet face on like nothin’ is wrong.”

“She wasn’t all that bad,” Belle shrugged as she reached for one of Mellie’s fries from her to-go box from the burger joint nearby.

“Belle. Baby.” Mellie narrowed her sights on Belle as she ate the fry. “My sweet flower angel who I love and would have totally cut that bitch with her ugly-ass nails…”

“Okay, she was pretty bad,” Belle giggled before she could continue with her monologue of numerous nicknames and promises. “I mean, I know I’m not from around here and all but...is my voice that annoying in these parts?”

“No, Belle, you just sound like you know what you’re doing while being an absolute sweetheart!” Mellie leaned back on her little wooden chair by the cashier counter, crossing her arms. The flower shop was remodeled from an old house that was purchased by an old couple who adore the rustic aesthetic, decorated like a little girl’s dream house filled with flowers. It was like a cute wonderland with little outdoor tables and wooden chairs and fake birds settled in the many pots and flower beds inside the main floor of the house while the backyard had a small greenhouse and upstairs was storage.

“That lady was all nasally, with all her gum chewin’ and junk. So close to giving her a piece o’ my mind,” Mellie growled lowly as Belle took the other seat across the small table. Belle giggled at her best friend’s rant as she shoved her fries in her mouth. “Would’a given her a real reason to wanna talk to the owner, ‘cause then I be buried alive by ya boss.”

“Not when you take care of his wife’s hair so well,” Belle laughed. “Besides it was her wedding, I’m sure she’s nervous and wants everything to go smoothly with every detail. Flowers can be very influential for something so important as weddings.”

“Speaking of,” Mellie smoothed in closer to Belle, “if you were to make your own weddin’, what would you be doin’?”

Belle glanced to Mellie and raised a brow, making the woman grin. “C’mon, Belle. Don’t tell me you never thought of your own weddin’ before. And you’ve been handlin’ how many wedding orders since you’ve worked here? It’s common girl chat, lets have some fun - you’re not busy!”

Belle sighed and gave in. “Okay, only because you’re going to be real with me, too.”

“Deal!”

“Okay, wedding wedding wedding…” Belle thought over carefully, drumming her fingers on her knees. “If I were to get married...I’d probably want something simple. I don’t need a big, fancy venue or ballroom. I don’t like the idea of spending so much money on my own wedding, I could get married in a backyard and still be happy about it.”

“So simple of you, but so expected,” Mellie teased adoringly, making her friend smile. “I’d totally go for a weddin’ ceremony at those fancy wine orchards. All nice with rows of grapes and flowers, not to mention the wine!”

“Wine is good,” Belle laughed. “How about the dress?”

“Well, I think you would look absolutely beautiful in a old-school dress; a short, frilly skirt and something lace for sleeves - absolutely darlin’,” Mellie swooned. “Maybe have one of those flower crowns instead of a veil? You’d make that by yourself, of course.”

Belle giggled and took the magazine to flip through. “I can see you wearing those dresses you would see in those wedding photos online,” she retorted back, shaking her head. “Something to show off your curves and boost your chest a bit. Heart-shape neckline and maybe some sparkles.”

“So much sparkles,” Mellie corrected. “I’d do my own nails and hair, too, all curly and up in a nice hairdo. I’ll do yours too, Belle, with a special discount.”

“As long as you let me make your bouquet. I already have some in mind for yours,” Belle warned with a bright smile. “Baby’s breath for an accent of innocence - even though you’re far from it - they’re year-round and very cute; dahlias to represent your strong but wise personality, and gardenias for such a happy occasion for Mellie and they smell very sweet.”

“Can I get some tulips in that mix?” Mellie asked expectantly. “If I can’t have roses in my bouquet, I at least want some tulips.”

“White or very light-colored tulips to represent love,” Belle nodded. “I’ll have it wrapped in a big pink bow, because I know that’s your favorite color and you would want your bridesmaids to wear something pink.”

“Perfect!” Mellie praised. “I’ll make sure you look like a goddess and clean all that dirt from under your nails. No fake nails or nothin’, but I’m gonna paint them cute… What would your flower arrangement be, though? I need to think for a color.”

“That’s top secret.”

The blonde woman sat up and stared at Belle, who didn’t bother to look her way as she gave her a hard stare. “Am I hearin’ ya right? Little Belle, who can talk my ear off at any given time ‘bout flowers and what they mean, and you mean to tell me that your weddin’ flowers are a secret? What are you hidin’ from me?”

“Nothing!” Belle laughed as she dropped the magazine. “Just that my bouquet is very special to me if I were to ever get married, okay?”

“So, if you were to marry my brother, or something,” Mellie drawled, smirking as she saw Belle’s cheeks going pink and refused to look her in the eye. “What? You gettin’ all mushy on me now, ‘cause I mention Clyde in the conversation?”

“Mellie!”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of marryin’ my brother, it’s okay, honey,” Mellie snickered playfully as she poked her friend’s cheek and pulling back when Belle dared to try and bite her finger. “Ohh, now you’re a snappin’ turtle? That’s tellin’ me enough.”

“You know how Clyde is, okay? I don’t want him thinking anything weird if you told him that I have some thought of it…” Belle took a deep breath and got up from the chair and Mellie watched her grab the hose to sprinkle mist on a set of roses and lilies. “But I’m not interested in pushing him with something like that. You know how he is, with relationships and all that.”

“You think he wouldn’t ever wanna marry?” Mellie furrowed her brows. Seeing how her best friend hesitated, she sighed and leaned on her chair towards her. “Belle, baby, you know he loves you more than anythin’ else in the world.”

“I know, and I love him too,” Belle nodded. “That’s why I’m happy where we are right now, and I don’t need him doing anything beyond what he’s comfortable with. Getting married isn’t a necessity for me if Clyde isn’t ready.”

Mellie began to coo as she got up from her chair and scurried over to pull Belle into a hug, hiding her face in Belle’s hair and neck to hide her happy tears. “Sweet pea, you are just too much!” Mellie sighed and leaned her weight on her friend.

“What - Mellie, be careful!” Belle blushed at feeling her friend snuggling up to her. “What is up with you? Are you okay?”

“Jus’ rememberin’ how Clyde would be all sad when he came home,” Mellie muttered emotionally. “He’d try and go on dates, but it’d never work our ‘cause nobody looked past his injury and how shy he is; tellin’ me and Jimmy that he’ll probably die alone and lonesome, and now look at him, with my best friend and so in love that it makes me wanna barf!”

Belle rolled her eyes as she was careful in turning around with the hose in her hand to return the hug and pat her friend’s back. Mellie whined in a sob as she snuggled Belle in the shop. “I’m so happy you’re with Clyde, Belle - you two really make true love exist, like a love story I wanna tell my kids someday!”

“Okay okay, Mel,” Belle hushed her carefully. “Don’t cry on me now, no one needs to come in here and see you crying in the store.”

“Screw ‘em, they’ll just be jealous ‘cause I ain’t cryin’ on their shoulder!”

While Belle couldn’t resist a laugh at Mellie’s usual personality of maintaining her stubbornness, the jingle of her cell phone went off on the counter, catching both women’s attention. Belle sighed and carefully patted Mellie’s shoulder. “Can you check that for me, please, Mellie? I want to finished with this first since the sun is so hard right now,” Belle asked.

“Yeah,” Mellie rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms and went to the counter. Pulling up the screen, Mellie’s face scrunched as Belle continued with her job. “Says it’s Dayton White sending a message through Facebook.”

“What does it say this time?” Belle sighed as she checked a rose that had a slightly withering leaf. She allowed Mellie to unlock her phone and open the rarely used app.

“It’s a link to the public records of Monroe,” Mellie frowned. “Is he still tryin’ t’ talk smack about my brother to you? What the hell is this guy’s deal?”

“He’s been like that ever since we were kids,” Belle shrugged. “He’ll dig dirt on any guy who shows interest in me and make a big deal about it. It doesn’t matter what it is, crime, smoking cigarettes or whatever, if it’s not similar to him and his health.”

“But he already knows that you were told about what we did five years back…”

“Yes, but that doesn’t stop him from being so paranoid,” Belle said as she shut the hose off and went behind the counter. “Although he doesn’t agree with me being with Clyde, I gave it to him when he invited me to lunch the other day and he has backed off.”

“You went to lunch with him?” Mellie’s eyes snapped to her from scrolling through the past chat. Belle trusted her enough to look through her phone as she pleased.

Nodding, Belle rested her elbows on the wooden counter. “Yeah, I told Clyde about it and all, but he was being pushy with me with asking questions about my relationship with Clyde. Asking me if he has any access to my inheritance or brings up his share of the scam; he knows he has no evidence to get to Clyde, but he pissed me off enough for me to snap.”

“Oh Belle,” Mellie exhaled. “What happened, honey?”

“I explained to him that, if he wants to remain in friendly contact with me, he needs to be civil and respectful to Clyde,” Belle said stiffly. “I kinda went off on him about the last time we saw each other and how he really has no right to be so judgmental towards people in my life. He was quiet for a bit, but eventually agreed to back off.” Belle stole a glance and saw that Mellie was about to ask further on that, making her quick to add on, “Can you check the link for me?”

Mellie did so and made a face. “It’s just Joe Bang’s file...not a flatterin’ picture of him.”

“Is it the one of him making a stink face at the camera?”

“Yes… Wait, it says here he broke into an adult-theme store back in the eighties?” Mellie gasped as she went through the list, making Belle snort a laugh. “Belle! You gotta give me some dirt on this!”

“I’m not telling you that story about my uncle. Not unless you get me drunk enough to have no filter. And, believe me, it takes a lot for me to confess.”

“Well then, I’m gonna snag ya when you clock out and forcing Clyde to help me out, ‘cause I ain’t missing this story. If you can’t give me the detail on your secret flower bouquet, then I want this and I will get it!” Mellie promised and Belle laughed at her friend’s insistence. “I’ll start tossin’ dollars at him and make him feel like a sexy stripper to get those drinks, I don’t care!”

Fun fact: I don’t remember if they said how old Sadie was in the movie, but I like to think she’s between 8-10 years old in this fic?

taglist: @ayatimascd @oh-adam

Remember, if you would like to be tagged for future chapters, please don’t hesitate to message me! I’d be more than happy to add you. Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you!

#pilotanonwrites #clyde logan x reader #springbeautyclydefic #oc/reader insert #reader insert

[nanshe-of-nina]

People of the Edwardian phase of the Hundred Years War as dril tweets

Philippe VI de France: Time and time Again. People on here Fuck me over and ruin my life. simply for starting the Dialouge.

Edward III of England: thinking of wrapping my entire body in barbed wire and becoming Sovereign.

Jehan II de France: a teen approached me at the food court and said “I see you wore your clown costume today” and i spent the next 9 hours processing the insult.

Jehanne de Bourgogne: CHILD: Papa.. tell me once more about WIFE’s DUTY. PAPA: it is WIFE’s DUTY to protect her husband from villains, always.

Jitka Lucemburská: Damn. the MomTown forums just started requiring 4 point Mom Verificaiton to be able to post there for some reason..anyone got a work around?

Philippa de Hainaut: my opinion on politics: my opinion on politics is that politidcs is extremely good, but sometimes it is bad.

Ludwig IV, Holy Roman Emperor: bigmouth fake priest telling me to “drink a shitload of holy water and kill yourself” as penance? this has happened at three churches now.

Pope Benedict XII: it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again.

Jehan III, duc de Bretagne: i just left an enormous pile of vomit behind golds gym for all of you abominable pig clowns to pick at #blackfridaydeals

Robert III d’Artois: (in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch.

Hugues Quiéret: currently employed as Water Guru at the beach. it’s sort of like being a lifeguard except i have no inclination to touch the drowning people.

Geoffroy d’Harcourt: OH im so Fucking sorry “Your Majesty”, i didnt realize that dick rings were banished in this dystopian piss earth. Ur probably a 9gag poster.

Jacob van Artevelde: (in highly rational and cool voice) i have the higher follower count than them. i wiont let them undermine me.

Pope Clement VI: may the wind carry my tweets and soothte the sick, the wounded, the downtrodden of both man & beast, across the savage shit earth of trolls,

Jehanne de Valois, comtesse de Hainaut: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no.

Eudes IV, duc de Bourgogne: myth: making me mad is cool FACT: making me mad is a crap move& people who do it are all sociopathivc criminals with fucked up rotten brains.

Jehan de Montfort: turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me.

Jehanne de Flandre: i just want to find the optimal bra for sniper operations, but everoyne here is so rude, and pieces of shit.

Johann der Blinde of Bohemia: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts.

Charles II, comte d’Alençon: ((SPILLING BLOOD ALL OVER KEYBOARD) THIS IS WHAT U WANT. THIS IS WHAT U FUCKING BASTARDS WANT RIGHT (1 WEEK LATER) WHY ARE THE KEYS STICKING

Jehanne de Clisson: as far as im concerned the best revenge is ordering wolf piss online & pouring it into soneones car. “living well” is too hard.

Arnaud de Cervole: i will raze every forest and devour each city in blood tribute for the crime of 9/11!! please nbring back blue collar TV

Frank Hennequin: the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit.

William Montagu, 1st Earl of Salisbury: im at the point in my life where i cant relate to any popular fictional characters unless they use massive amounts of hair gel and steriods.

Antonio Doria: my name is Destyn. i build crossbows and sell weed to all your dads and im 15.

Gautier VI de Brienne: MYTH: my posts are for the Pauper REALITY: my posts are for the Prince.

Étienne Marcel: looked at a newspaper today. looks like we’re getting taxed out the wazoo, with this president. anyone else see this shit? tax out the wazoo.

Guillaume Cale: “FEAR IS USED 2 ENSLAVE THE MASSES,” I SAID AS I RIPPED THE FUCKIN DECORATIVE CARDBOARD SKELETON OFF OF THE COMMUNITY CENTERS BULLETIN BOARD

Edward Montagu, 1st Baron Montagu: girls always love to telling people not to“ Mansplain” but they do not care of, “Man's Pain”

Louis Iᵉʳ, comte de Flandre: 1) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing 2) i will not hear any more questions or comments unless they pertain to MetroPCS, or Pepsi.

Philippe III de Navarre: the crusaders fire ballistas into my throbbing diaper- unlesashing a torrent of mustard yellow shit and poisoning the entire village.

Gaston II, comte de Foix: i am going to plunge a sword into our bed and officially end outr 40 yr marriage if you do not stop yelling while i am recording my stream’s.

Henry de Grosmont, 1st Duke of Lancaster: please help my cousin “Bruno_THought_Leader” who just had his account suspended for threatening to “Fuck” brexit.

Robert Le Coq, Bishop of Laon: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.

Jehan Iᵉʳ, comte d’Armagnac: the joke is on you fuck face. i actually love getting screamed at and publicly shamed for my dumb-assed bull shit . I love apologizing.

Bardi and Peruzzi families: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool’s Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

Jehanne II de Navarre: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT.

William de Bohun, 1st Earl of Northampton: if you have less than 1000 followers i can guarantee you that me and the boys share your posts in vip chat rooms and call you a "Muthafucka”.

William de la Pole: thinking about getting the dow jones back on track, simply by making a few phonecalls. but certain people have been a bitch to me, so i wont.

Thomas de Beauchamp, 11th Earl of Warwick: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right.

Thomas Holland, 1st Earl of Kent: ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going “muah muah muah.” cut it out.

Raoul II de Brienne, comte d’Eu: hate it when my boss knocks out the front leg of my desk with a baseball bat and funko pop lego shit flies every where.

Karel IV, Holy Roman Emperor: “RESULT You are the Serpant. YOu dislike loud places and people are constantly putting drama in your life. But you’re strong.” This is true.

Charles de Blois-Châtillon: torturing my damn dick with corn cob holders in Penance for the foul tone i took with the subway corporation today.

Jehanne de Penthièvre: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc.

Jacques Iᵉʳ de Bourbon, comte de La Marche: “ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders” Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

John Chandos: DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,

Jehan d’Artos, comte d’Eu: , who had gone missing for 17 years and was presumed dead after failing to return from his ultimate dumpster diving life quest

William Douglas, 1st Earl of Douglas: i get emails. i get emails saying the trolls have won, and that i should bow to them, since i have lost the battle. to this i say FAT-CHANCE.

David II of Scotland: “jail isnt real,” i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco.

Charles de La Cerda: i think that turning myself Gay in the summer of 2013 would really impress my overseas investors.

William de Montagu, 2nd Earl of Salisbury: my watch beeps whwich means its time to stand in front of my ex-wife’s house and play “Hit THe Road Jack” while dacning and licking her mail.

Edward the Black Prince: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

Jehan III de Grailly: its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town.

Louis II, comte de Flandre: U Have Forced Me To Take Extreme Measures To Protect My Business And My Lifestyle.

Blanche de Navarre: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron”

Charles II de Navarre: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation

Philippe de Navarre: shooting off automatic rifles making horrible diarrhea shit noises as the recoil makes my tiny dick flop around. hell yeah. thats cool to me.

Charles, Dauphin de Viennois: surprise, dad. while you were witnessing the pennsylvania state lottery i tried on all your work gloves and they looked very handsome on me.

#hundred years' war #medieval #dril #english history #french history #european history #history #i should be making a rubric but this is way more fun

[wowasadblog]

im kinda sad, a vent

I have friends who have told me I can tell them about how I'm feeling and that's all I've ever wanted, to be able to just talk about why I'm sad, but when I'm given the opportunity I can never verbalize why I’m upset. I can’t form word or sentences.

 I’m miserable. Even now as im trying to write this im having a hard time trying to think. I feel like everyone only tolerates me. I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like if i do one thing wrong im going to mess up everything. im not good enough at anything. i feel like im always walking on a thin line and if i step off it at all everything will go to shit. im not a mean person, i dont know why i act mean or aggressive or rude sometimes. i dont know why i get irritated so easily. i cant watch sports or preformances ect without feeling like im failing because i cant do any of that stuff. my art is never good enough. it always looks wrong. i cant speak without stuttering or repeating words or fucking up.my friends all work full time so i dont get to see them often. i have one friend thats the same age as me but she lives in illinois. i think shes getting tired of me anyway. my mom and i were going to go up and visit her this june/july. i dont know if we still are. my parents fight everyday. my mom says she doesnt want me to be mad at my dad but hes being so absolutely ridiculous. i dont like adults and their stupid ways of going about things. i feel like im so stupid. i cant retain anything. i hate how i look. i havent taken selfies in such a long time which is helping. i dont know if ill ever be comfortable with my body. im scared i wont ever find someone who loves me. im far from believing that relationships are the most important thing in your life but still. i dont want to feel so alone forever. other kids my age have tons of friends and are always busy. theyre pretty. why couldnt i be like that. why am i so miserable. i dont know what im going to do with my life. everyonesmore popular than me more liked than me smarted than me prettier than me better at everything than i am. theres nothing special about me. anything i can do someone else can do 100 times better.why am i so insecure. why do i get jealous when my friends have more of a social life than i do. i did it to myself, this is all my fault. i just lay in bed all day. hanging out with my three whole friends is a big thing for me. im always scared they hate me. or that ive annoyed them. i wish i could be a dance or a gymnass or a ballerina or pianist or a writer or an artist or a funny person or a people person i wish i was the kind of person that gave off good vibes. im quiet. people automatically assume i dont like them or that im mean or upset but im just scared. i hate going to church. all the kids my age have grown up together and know each other well. theres no space for me there. i wish i had more siblings or more cousins closer in age. i wish i had cousins that i was close to. i wish i had extended family i was close to. i wish i wasnt looked down on as a little kid still. i wish i knew how to make conversation. i wish i was a happy person. i wish i was energetic and bouncy and fun to be around. do i make people around me miserable? why dont i have any friends why dont i have any family im close to. why have i pushed my self away from everyone and everything for so long. how do i fix this. can i ever fix it. i dont want to kill myself. im too scared of death to ever do that. but if i died, would the people i know from cornerstone and church go to my funeral? would they act sad. would they be sad. i wish i could know. how do i always end up getting ostracized, no matter what sort of fgroup im in. do i do it to myself? im so tired all the time. whenever i try to tell my mom im “not feeling good” or “im feeling down” she tells me its because i never do anything productive.but i never feel like i can do anything. im so tired.

#depressed and anxious #rant

[rosekun25]

Fourteen Reasons why.

 April 9th, 2017

Dear Tumblr Diary, 

I’m watching “Thirteen Reasons Why.” 

I haven’t read the books since middle school. But my cousin from my Dad’s side of the family sent me the book I think a year ago.  Life always has a way of foreshadowing. I swear it does.

Anyway I’m reading the book too, putting off getting my food handler’s card because fuck that shit. 

Anyway Im watching this and its kind of triggering. I havent watched the part where she kills herself but I imagine I’ve seen worse. 

There’s a video I’ve seen Here’s a link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PdYb0EL-Y

Anyway so far that part has hit me the most. 

I mean, It has. After I got out of the hospital nobody asked me if I was okay. I had to lie. I lied about everything so I wouldnt get sent away longer than they needed me to be away. 

I lied and said It was because I missed my great grandma instead of telling them it was because my world had shattered and nobody could hurt me anymore. 

I lied about the pills. I took 96. Well thats now many were in the bottle. I told them I didnt know how many I’d taken. I just lied lied lied lied lied. I didnt tell anybody why I did it. 

aTLEAST Until they couldnt send me away anymore. 

So here are fourteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself 

14. I felt like I’d do it sooner or later. 

I mean it was really weird. I’ve had depression for most of my earlier childhood. I remember not thinking I’d make it to 20. But here I am. I remember wanting to get married and have children but I didn’t actually think I would live long enough to actually do it. I mean I didn’t think I’d finish High School. 

13. I wasn’t beautiful. 

At least I didn’t think I was. I thought pretty girls were 100 pounds, blonde and didn’t have to worry about anything except which husband they wanted.  I guess I was sort of insecure. But not in the sense that I thought I was ugly. Just in the sense that I wasnt  beautiful. 

12. I was starving myself.

Well I don’t really remember this part. I just remember I was really really hungry. The doctors there said I hadn’t eaten for a month. But Im not sure that’s accurate. I mean I must have eaten at some point. I remember I drank tea.  But anyway. I guess i was displaying “Anorexic tenancies” or whatever I was half asleep I didn’t listen.

11. I wanted to die. (duh)

But it wasn’t in the sense of me actually wanting to die.  I mean when you’re young you learn about the circle of life, you watch ‘Lion King.’ Mufasa dies and you learn you wont be around for ever. I guess I just ’ wanted to hurry up and do what I was supposed to. 

10. At the time, my life sucked dick. 

I remember it. I was horribly depressed and doing my best to hide it. I remember I wanted nothing more than to just be held like a baby and told everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. There was a point in my life where I kept everything to myself. Everything. Even stupid shit like “Where do you want to eat?” or “Are you hungry?”. I just felt like I had to. Keep everyone safe, dont let anybody know you’re suffering sort of thing. 

Anyway my life sucked dick, because I was always hungry never sleeping and I was overworked. I also was verbally abused at my job. To the point where I would want to cry whenever I walked in the store. But more on that some other time. 

I also hated T or  C. If Im going back there. Im going back in a body bag. 

My Home life also sucked dick. I remember not having hotwater in the bathroom. I remember being cold every night because they refused to pay more money to turn up the thermostat. If I wasnt cold. I was so Hot. There were ants everywhere. On my clothes. In the kitchen. EVERYWHERE. I wasnt allowed to leave my house either. I couldnt just get up and go I wasnt allowed to leave except for school and work. I couldnt leave and it drove me fucking mad.  I didnt have much food to eat, If there was food it was all gobbled up by my fat ass Grandfather who liked to steal my things. I still dont know what he did with most of it. The dryer didnt work either so I’d have to go to school in wet clothes that were freezing. I hated it. Oh and not to mention every morning I’d wake up to screaming. Always screaming. Nobody could ever say “Good Morning Rose, you’ve to wake up now.” No. They were too busy screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming, 

9. I was so tired of everything. 

I was. Really. I still kind of am. Im tired of having to work all the time and having no money. I was tired of waking up every day and going to a school. I feel like I would have liked school better if I didnt have to wake up early and put up with all of that bullshit. 

The bullshit I am tired of here has literally went from 95% to maybe about 15%  Professors are honest with me, My coworkers all do their jobs and I dont get in trouble if they don’t. Really Imagine, getting in trouble because one of your coworkers didnt do their job right. 

The only bullshit I have to deal with is making sure I have enough hours. Which if you ask me isnt a biggie, also I make enough to take care of myself. Which is a lot better than where I was before. 

8. I was going insane. 

Now I know what you’re thinking “Omg, yeah sure whatever Rose. Everybody on Facebook likes to pretend they’re crazy for attention, Change your picture to Joker and Harley just to add edginess. 

But no. It was stuff I dont want to dicuss with you. I had horrible dreams and I wanted to do some horrible things. In a way, I honestly thought if I killed myself I would save everyone.  I still dont remember what I wanted to save them from. 

7. I didnt have any friends. 

Now again I know what you’re thinking, “This bitch is tripping. She won Homecoming Duchess and Princess at the last dance!” (  Side Note: I also went on to win Prom Queen. But Everybody voted for me because I wasn’t allowed to run for homecoming queen because I tried to kill myself in the Bathroom.) 

I didnt have a Best friend. I didnt have somebody who hung out with me or came to my house specifically to play with me. I worked too much or somebody who ate lunch with me because they wanted to and not because I’d integrated into their little group because one of the members felt sorry for me and wanted to be my friend again. 

I knew a lot of people. But I was fiery, Passionate and emotional. People were afraid of that. Either that, or they didnt care enough to try and understand it. 

6. I was suffering from an unDiagnosed Mental illness 

It was Borderline Personality Disorder.  It was making me crazy. 

I still dont understand what it means. 

I know it means. 

But I dont understand it. 

5. I missed my Daddy. 

There. I said it. I FUCKING SAID IT. 

In my family, I was supposed to pretend he didnt exist. We all were. We didnt have Dads. We were just born. You know i didnt accept my Step Dad until My Dad stopped coming to see me. But what does that matter? I mean I wasNT  A BOY. HE DIDNT FUCKING WANT A GIRL. HE PROBABLY HAS 80 BILLION FUCKING DAUGHTERS! HE DOESNT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!

But how am I going to forget the man who hated it when I cried? The man who bought me all of these presents because he knew he was never going to see me ever again. The man who bought me my first Barbie Car, my Hamtaro doll and my pretty Amethyst Birth Stone Barbie. All because he fucking knew he was never going to see me again. 

I havent seen him since I was two.  But I remember waking up in my hospital bed with Leslie telling him he had to talk to me because the doctors said they didnt know if I’d make it. I heard my auntie tell him in spanish and then he said “I dont talk to anyone who isnt blood.” and I wished I would have died again and again and again. 

4. I wasnt afraid to die. 

I mean honestly who is? Im Catholic now. I understand its the circle of life. Ive seen Lion King. But I honestly wasnt afraid to die. 

Here’s my philosphy on Religion and Death and everything 

If you’re a buddist and you die. You go do Buddist stuff. Buddist heaven, Buddist Hell. 

If you’re Jewish and you die. You go to Jewish Heaven because there isnt a hell. 

I know in church they tell you not to believe in other gods. But God mentions in the Holy Bible several times. So Meh. 

But I wasnt afraid to die. Im pretty sure my life had been clean and the only sins I really had were Hating my parents and Premarital sex. God wouldnt send me to hell for that. So I thought I’d go to heaven and party with Kurt Cobain

Because when a kid with Cancer dies, God doesnt send them to hell for dying of Cancer. So why would he send me to hell for succumbing to my depression? 

I mean atleast even if He was the God I think he is. 

3. By this point I was honestly sure nobody cared. 

The English teacher who carried me to the ambulance cared. I’m sure of that. 

But I mean nobody cared. I remember coming home to no food in the refrigerator and thinking “Oh well they’re making it easier for me now.” I remember nobody ever asking how I was.  I remember feeling numb I remember waking up that morning and deciding I was going to give life one last Chance. I’d missed the bus that morning and I had to call my  Grandmère to give me a ride to school because My Mother wouldnt teach me how to drive because she didnt want me to run off with my boyfriend and be happy. 

Because I guess bragging rights about your kids going to college are more important than your kids actually being happy. I’ll remember that when I have kids. If I live to have kids at least. 

Anyway I remember forgetting to take the pills out of my backpack. Im sure there’s an alternate universe somewhere where I did take them out of my backpack and I just went home early that day instead of killing myself in the bathroom. But hey what about the alternate universe where Hitler cured Cancer?

Nobody cared. Thats the point. Obviously if nobody noticed I was starving myself. If nobody noticed any of the signs that I displayed. 

But of course they all showed up to the hospital and cried crocodile tears. Then they yelled at me again as soon as I woke up. 

2. My life was over. 

“But you were accepted into NMSU! You were graduating Highschool! You had your whole life ahead of you!!!”

Did anybody ever think for just a second that I didnt want any of that? Honestly! Everybody was so proud. Nobody stopped and asked me if thats what I wanted to do. Because it sure as hell wasnt. I didnt want to go to college. Twelve fucking years of a system that made me kill myself in the Bathroom and you wanted me to do  eight more years?!  I wanted to get married and have babies. But I had to. You understand. I had to. I couldnt be like my sister. I couldnt stay in Highschool forever. I had to go to school because Men are useless now and I couldnt just get married out of highschool because as soon as they leave you’re going to need to take care of yourself! But I didnt want that. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. 

1. Chance left.

Honestly this was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could see it coming though. Yeah, I made fake accounts to try and talk to him. Yeah I was a thirsty hoe (Symptom of BPD btw). Yeah I kind of texted him until right before I did it. I mean I was 18 of course I was obsessed. He cared. He would kiss me goodnight, He would try to get me to eat but I never would. I wanted to be pretty for him. I wanted him to love me. He did for a moment. You know love is like a drug, A drug that makes you happy every day of your life. Even if all you do is fight. Maybe its because I’d never loved anybody before him. Not even my Mother.  When I lost that happy bubbly warmth. I wanted it back. I was so desperate to get it back. I didnt notice. I didnt notice all the terrible things that happened. I looked over all of the mean words, and abusive flags. None of those mattered, as long as I got that feeling of being warm, loved, safe, and protected. Because it made me want to live. If I couldnt live. I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be with that feeling forever. 

Maybe things would have changed if I had realize what a fucking scum bag he was earlier. 

Am I still Suicidal? Yes.

You cant turn it on/off contrary to the belief of everyone around me. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little girl. But will I do it again? I cant promise I wont.  

 Fourteen Reasons why  I want to live. 

14. I’m happy now. 

I dont know if I could consider this as happy as I want to be, I mean Im still single. I have no children. But I’m happy. I dont have all the money in the world but I can go get Starbucks. I can go out and eat If I want to and that makes me so happy. It makes me so happy to have access to food. 

13. I love my apartment. 

I love my apartment. I love everything about it. I do. Except the rent payment lol. I love that I can literally do whatever I want in this little one bedroom place. I love it. I love keeping it clean, I love putting up whatever I want on the walls and I love love love it so much. Im so warm and happy and there is always food here. 

12. I love where I live. 

I love my town. Its big, its bright and i can get whatever I need to. I can go to walmart again whenever I want and I dont have to beg anybody to take me through the drive through or pay anybody to take me to the mall. I can go see movies and see the world. I love the world. I love the grass and the trees and the warmth of the sun. I can sit on my porch for hours, I can watch the rain, I can go outside. I CAN GO OUTSIDE!!!! 

11. I love being free. My freedom is my most precious possession, I don't want to die if I can be free. 

 10. I don't want to die until I find that person. My whole life I've been told There's a soul mate for everyone. When I think about suicide. I think about being dead, in a way, Death was freedom for me. But part of me doesn't want to leave that person alone. I can't. If He was made for me . Then he's like ME and if he is then I don't want to leave him alone. 

9. I have food. 

I know what you’re thinking “Whatever, I have a frozen Dinner in the fridge. Does that make me not suicidal?”

I have food to eat. Like I do. I dont have to scrounge around my house for a packet of Ramen or hiding a can of soup under my bed and praying it would be there when I woke up. I can wake up and eat whatever I want. I can make dinner and sometimes I just stare at all of the food in my refrigerator and smile. 

Side note, It’s now May 12th, school is over. Im trying really hard to finish this. It’s triggering. Like, Hannah Baker, Everything she does. I can see myself in her.  I could deal with the books. I could deal with the books because I had borrowed my friend’s book and typed the alternate ending and stuck it in my book. I visualized it in my own way. Now seeing it. It’s triggering. Did anybody notice? Did anybody try to? 

What about when I did it? Did anybody think? Did anybody try and look after me. I mean nobody noticed me stop eating so I doubt anybody noticed me writing wills in my psychology class, or me writing my suicide note over and over again. 

The final draft only had a few words by the way and nobody read it. 

They didnt even read the instructions I left for them incase I survived and had to go to the hospital which is why I had to wear the same clothes I wore when i did it. Which absolutely sucked. But i was glad I was getting out of the mental hospital, so there’s that. 

I still dont understand why shit like this cant happen in real life. I dont understand how people can make people suffer so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer.

This is really hard to write. I have to think of reasons I want to live instead of reasons I want to die. That’s hard. I want to die. Im so sick of this. But I dont want to die. I want to live.  

In a sense, I really feel like Hannah Baker. Because She wanted to live, she wanted life and happiness but she just dies at the end. I wonder if that will happen to me? 

I’ve had people ask me if Im sure I should even be watching a show like this. But I have to. I have to finish it. 

I read the book I know what happens. But I have to finish it for myself. 

8. Kingdom Hearts III will come out (Eventually) 

I have found joy in video games once again. I mean. Ive always loved video games. But I was playing South Park Stick of Truth again and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted to... I wanted to play it so much. 

I’m sure they have video games in heaven but i wonder do they have midnight release parties? Do they have endings that arent perfect?  

Im sure they do. But being alive for them is different. 

Eventually though. Kingdom Hearts III will come out. Eventually.  Ill get to play it. Maybe Ill get to play it with my grandchildren and teach them about Sora, and Kairi, and Riku. 

7. I want to be a Mother. 

Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life. Really. I just want to hold my baby and raise her/him. I dont want them to have to come home and wonder if there’s food to eat, or if the house is going to be warm or when Mom is going to come home.

I want to have children and teach them and give them love and warmth and make them safe and give them everything I never had in life.  Like love, and chances. Chances to make something of themselves in a way I never could. 

6. I want to live to be an annual passholder at Disney 

I mean I’ve been to Disneyland Nineteen times and this summer it will be 20.  But I want to be able to wake up one day, have the day off from work and ask my kids if they want to go to Disneyland instead of school. I want to go there and have a great time and not have to worry about school or work or depression or anything.

5. I really want to do my bucket list. 

I mean there’s lots of cool stuff on it. But I’m sure they have most of that in heaven. But  I want to do it before I die. Like I want to visit Euro Disney in person and hang out in France. I want to walk up and realize I’m going to see the Little Mermaid on Broadway tonight. I want to be able to tell everybody about what I’ve done and inspire them to do the same thing.

(Update: It’s June now. I have to finish it. I had to stop. It was getting bad again. Really bad. I’m ready now. I really am.)

4. I want to get married.

Honestly thats been my life goal since I was a baby. That and being a ballerina but appertanly my dreams dont matter enough for us to stay in a place I could actually achieve them. I want to have a big fancy wedding which will probably dumb down to me getting married at the court house which I am totally fine with. As long as I am officially married and we honeymoon at Disney. 

Jesus Chirst I cant do this. I really cant. I fucking cant. . .  Why? WHY am I here? Why did I live? It’s fucking impossible did you know that? Am I still alive? Am I dead? I wont fucking know! I’m so much happier now! I really am. But I cant do this. I fucking cant. Why? Why am I alive? Why did I live? SO I could pay bills for the rest of my life? I hate being broke. I hate not having any money. I spent 20 dollars today to go out to lunch and that was a luxury. I couldnt afford that. Especially with all these bills. Why? Why is it so expensive to live in a 3rd world country with Iphones? Why? I dont have a car I have to ride the bus everywhere and spend a billion dollars on fucking everything. WHY? Why? I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate having to be mad at myself for going to the mall and spening 11 dollars. ELEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! I bought a keychain today. I bought a keychain today and I wasnt supposed to do that!  I love my apartment, I love it, I wont leave it unless I’m in a body bag or leaving with my husband, But i dont understand WHY?! Why? Why do they want everything I have? Everybody just wants money. Everything is just money money money money, do I Have enough? WIll it last? Will I be able to do something with it? Why do you want all of my money? I can barley afford to live and everybody wants to make it fucking harder than it already is!!!!!!!!!! I cant do this. I really want to die. But i really want to live. I really want to live. But i cant live. 

3. I want friends. . .

I want best friends. I want the kind of friends where you all can just hang out together and do stupid shit. I want inside joke kind of friends, I want the sort of friends that make fun of you but you know they dont mean it. I want a specific place for us to hang out and laugh and live. 

2. I want to be infinite. 

I dont mean immortal. I mean I want to do things. I want freedom. People have freedom given to them while others have to fight for it. I want to take a roadtrip. I want to eat at gas stations with somebody and travel and see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the world but i’ve been locked up in this FUCKING TOWER for so long and now i’m afraid to get out of it. I am afraid to live because I’ve never been able to live before! Why are people born free when I could not leave my house to get the mail? 

1. I want to experience love. 

I have never loved anybody. For a moment, I thought I loved Chance. But I realized, you cant love somebody who has never loved you. So i didnt love my Mother, or My sisters and brothers or my grandparents. That wasnt love. It was forced affection. Because when you love somebody you make sure they’re in the car before driving away and asking if they are. If you love someone you dont kick them out of your car. If you love somebody you offer to take them home instead of letting them sit in 32 degrees watching their spit freeze, while you let your family treat them like shit just like you did. 

But I want to experience love. All kinds of love. I want to know why people like it so much and why the feeling is so euphoric. I want to be held and treated like I am a treasure. Like I am worth something. 

Is that love? I will find out one day. I want this. Even if its the only thing I will have. I want it. 

~

I’m on the second to last episode now, 

I wonder if the author wanted us to feel bad for people we’ve slut shamed.  I wonder if we’re supposed to think about it that way. 

I dont know about you but I hate fake people who pretend they’ve killed themselves.  I mean I know its a cry for help. But I wish they would go and talk to somebody instead of insisting they sliced their wrists 80 times and got sent to the ER even though their wrists are scarless and havent look liked they were cut ever. 

My therapist once sent me to the ER because I told her I was feeling suicidial. 

I thought that was utter bullshit. 

Because all I had learned to do was lie. 

Why are you suicidal honey? *Sniff* My greAT Gran died and I miss her so much and I wish I could talk to her and hug her. Oh baby it’s gonna be okay, Derek she’s not suicidal get her out of here. 

See? Then at my next therapy session I had to lie to her and tell her I wasnt suicidal. Which was another lie. 

Anybody who has ever asked me about my Great Grandma Elisa knows I hated going to her house and I didnt like her. I’ve never liked her. She was so mean to me. She really was. 

But i cant say I cried crocodile tears at her funeral. Or when They woke me up and told me she wasnt breathing and I knew she was dead, and I cried in my sleep. Something I didnt do, and didnt start doing until it was getting really bad again. 

Isnt that funny though? How i learned to just lie to everybody instead of telling the truth? 

~

I’m on the last episode now. 

I cant make you believe how many times I had to stop this and step away for a moment. 

It was honestly too realistic. 

Like just the things she said 

“I decided to give life one more chance.” 

I remember thinking the exact same thing. 

and watching it blow it. 

Thats always how my emotions have been. 

Hannah is stealing razors now.

I remember the day I bought the sleeping pills specifically to kill myself.

I didnt tell my Mom that. I told her I was having trouble sleeping which was true. 

I remember telling kids I thought I was taking too much.

I remember pouring handfuls into my own hand and just staring at them. I thought they were really pretty.  

I remember sleeping in class because I’d take too many on purpose. 

I remember hanging up on 911 

I remember calling my ex boyfriend. 

I wondered what would happen if he would have answered. I really do. 

Probably nothing, 

I still would have done it. 

I remember swallowing handful after handful. 

I remember being carried to the office and hearing your voice in my head. 

I remember dying and being at peace.

I remember waking up and screaming and crying.

Because honestly. Suicide doesnt hurt. No. aside from me not being able to eat for a couple weeks without throwing up, or choking up tablets everytime I tried to take a pill. 

What hurt was waiting. I waited for life to get better. 

It didn’t.  

Hannah baker is going to slit her wrists,

I’m mad. This isnt the way it happened in the books. She swallowed pills.

ItsnotrealRosemaryitsnotrealItsnotevenhowithappendinthebooks

This is triggering. 

I reserve the right to skip this part.

I cant breathe. 

Okay, Okay. 

I dont fucking get why people say this show glorifies suicide. We are literally watching a girl die. The worst part is this is how actual people have done it. Oh my god. Oh my god there’s so much blood. 

Her parents, Oh my god. Okay that was so fake.

American Horror story did a better job. 

Which is probably why it kept me from killing myself. I watched Violet do it and it scared me. It scared me so I didnt do it. 

You know when I first read the books I guess I was really confused because I thought Mr Porter raped Hannah. I was like in 8th grade. 

Okay so Hannah Baker is still dead. The episode is over. 

How are they going to do season 2? 

I mean Tyler is Obviously going to shoot up the school and Alex tried to off himself. It’s Obvious Alex isnt going to die.  It’s Obvious Tyler isnt going to kill him. 

~

I liked watching this. 

I mean aside from it taking me two months to finish because,  well it kind of was triggering.

Side note:

I am not contemplating suicide please do not message me or call the cops. 

Also for anybody who is. 

National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall 

1-800-273-8255

#13 reasons why #rw Fabulous #Rosekun25 13rw Suicide notFabulous #SaySomething ClayxHannnah 13RW Savealife

[kuriboo]

When I was little I didn’t know what to do with my life. I think at one point I might’ve wanted to be a princess or a mermaid or something (ironically, I can’t swim. I know strokes and such, I can do those, but I have no trust in the water to hold me up towards the surface), when I was very little, but from the moment I knew I would have to get a real career someday, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had a lot of vague ideas but they either felt unrealistic or I didn’t think I was capable.

Jobs based around helping people were to me very noble. My mom’s always had jobs based on helping people since I was born, and before that, too. But of jobs obvious to a kid at the time, I’m afraid of needles and don’t do well with seeing blood and have unsteady hands, so a doctor or nurse was out. I wasn’t great with most kids and didn’t know how to engage people or make people listen to me, so a teacher was out.

I grew up with most people in my social circle being in the church. I was told to follow god’s plan, that god has a plan for everyone and if you follow it good things will come to you. So what I wanted to do when I grew up was a vague whatever god’s plan is thing, and I assumed one day I would wake up and just know what he wanted me to do. I used to lie awake in bed and ask god what his plan was for me, what i was supposed to do, but they never answered. They answered a lot of other things for me, but not that. I felt panicked in high school when I was supposed to be planning what I wanted to do in college because I still didn’t know. At some point I figured, well god blessed me with a gift for music, supposedly, i was deep into music for ten years, so maybe i should go for music. I think I had planned to go to school for audio engineering, at a college a couple of hours away. It was scary, it was exciting, walking around the campus felt right to me but I was terrified to be so far away, and to be alone.

I also felt like I wasn’t supposed to go to college immediately after graduating. I felt tired, i felt burnt out, and it just didn’t feel right. I even asked my parents about it and they encouraged me to go right away, that it’s easier to get through college without taking a break. In hidnsight, if that was god’s plan, which, it happened so probably, it was probably my best glimpse at that plan i’ve ever had

And then it turned out i was right. And it turned out i didn’t get a choice. And it turned out any ideas of getting a career in the music field were basically dissolved. I wasn’t really devastated that much. I didn’t know what to do but that wasn’t new. I worked hard in school and never slowed down until then. All the sudden I had too much time to think about what i wanted to do, what i should do, what i was supposed to do, but thinking was hard and i never figured it out. When i did later go to college, i stayed much closer to hope in the aftermath of being so sick and i went to the college that offered the highest scholarship while wondering how i’d gotten enough energy to apply to any colleges at all. I somehow managed to keep that scholarship. I wanted to make sure i could get a job right after graduating so i picked a field i knew that was possible in from first hand accounts. I was worried about all my decisions in that time just looking like i was copying the people around me. But i was interested in the field i picked, i picked it up quickly despite having no prior experience, and my interest only grew the longer i was learning. So it felt right. Maybe this was the thing

But uh, i obviously didn’t have a job lined up immediately after graduating like i’d thought, and struggled to find one for a long time while my own health declined again. My mental health this time instead of my physical health. I sobbed uncontrollably after my graduation ceremony until i was too tired to cry anymore. People figured i’d probably had a ton of work in the weeks leading up to it and that i was exhausted. I was exhausted, but i hadn’t had much work, my last semester was actually fairly easy compared to previous ones. When people learned that they were incredulous, most didn’t get what i was crying for. I had been working hard, but schoolwork wasn’t my issue, i was just...constantly fatigued. My effort was mostly in keeping myself going in general. I was stressed about not having a job lined up yet, i was stressed about school being over and having to go home, being awake was exhausting. A lot of people didn’t understand that. They didn’t want to.

Stuff’s just kinda weird. I dunno. As ive struggled with finding a job, its been kinda weird in that somehow it was clear that i just wasnt supposed to be working yet, that i was needed elsewhere. I was needed in other ways. Which didn’t make the experience any less stressful, but... finding an entry level career has been almost impossible the past year or two. They just became harder and harder to find every day. And at the same time i’ve had to try to learn how to take care of myself, because what i’d done up to that point just wasn’t working anymore. That’s gotten easier. I’ve been kinda shoved in directions that have been unexpected and as i’ve tried to approach the endpoint, nothing’s really happened in the timing i���d like. People i’ve known my whole life have said things happen in god’s timing and not ours. Maybe that’s true. Maybe i just haven’t been ready to join the workforce in the last year or so. People have talked to me like i’m lazy, people have refused to see i’ve tried as hard as i can and my best just isn’t their best, or don’t want to accept that it’s not a bad thing.

The whole following gods plan thing ive heard my whole life sort of led me in the wrong direction. I always figured god would figure my life out for me, i guessed. But i dunno. That’s obviously wrong, life doesn’t work out that way. I’ve happened to be in right places at the right times without being on the fast-paced path everyone thinks is required, that i’m apparently lazy for not being able to handle that pace in the aftermath of being really sick. I’ve been at the right places at the right time to be able to help people that needed it, that needed me. I’m grateful for that. But i think it’s less of god having planned out your whole life and if you stray from it you’ve fucked up, i think it’s more about being able to good wherever you end up. Sometimes it’s just in little ways, and sometimes it feels like it’s barely anything to you when it’s everything to other people. And somehow i’ve been able to do that, i guess, and somehow i’ve found this path where i’ll be able to help people more even if it’s nowhere near i thought i’d ever end up. Helping people is important, if we’re not here to be kind to each other than what are we here for, but a lot of the time it’s also really hard. And helping people isn’t just about ending up in a job where you directly help people some way or another. And i’m trying not to sound all holier than thou about it.

I just feel like this “god has a plan” mindset i grew up surrounded by kind of fucked up my line of thinking when it comes to life choices, but somewhere in there i turned it around

The church also kind of pushed this isolationist way of living where it was heavily encouraged not to associate with non-christians unless it was to convert them and i’ve come to the now obiois to me conclusion that sometimes the church’s opinions are bullshit. The same church was one of the ones “questioning the governor’s faith” when services were forcibly shut down and reopening them was pushed back, and now after they had a few weeks of being open with masks and distancing required, apparently now distancing is bullshit and they refuse to do it. My mom’s stopped going for the time being. There’s many things I don’t agree with them on anymore after i escaped the mindset i was kinda thrown into when i was young that the church is always right about everything. I’ve said some stupid shit before I did that. I still say stupid shit. Things that seemed normal when i was young now feel more insidious to me. I wish i figured out all this out sooner but that isn’t how life works apparently

There’s been a lot of times that i’ve wanted to help people but couldn’t, or straight up didn’t bc being selfish comes very easily and i can be a shit person if i’m not careful, or i didn’t know how to and thus couldn’t. But i’m thankful that for the times where i’ve been able to help people and did. Because i can look back through everything and see places where i have done that and how that’s lead to where i am today, and i’m glad i’ve had the opportunity to be a better person? I dunno. I’ve felt reflective and mushy today. And i can see all the differences between where i am not and me ten years ago, and i’m glad i’ve learned and worked to be better. I want to be able to look back and know i’ve done some good for people and i’m glad i can do that now and for all the times in the future where i’ll be able to do that, too. People deserve kindness.

#church also told me to always put other people before myself #and i can definitely see how that put me where i am now in both the good and bad ways #and idk. there’s a lot of good and bad thoughts out of this that have been on my mind #ever since my appointment with my psychiatrist earlier #but i think i wanna think less about this #now #and i think i wanna focus on other things bc i should be #tater.txt #a lot of decisions i’ve been made have been out of efforts to protect myself and make sure i can live a stable life as i grow

[ecotone99]

[HM] The Ramblings of an Inept Alcoholic

I was always destined to be an alcoholic. My father drank, his brothers drank, and their father too: and when he lost the ability to swallow, he drank through an IV. He was a good drinker.

I was never sure if my mother was an alcoholic. She was the sort who just slumped in her chair and watched the telly. But she did that when she was sobre, if she ever was sobre, for all I knew she was perpetually inebriated: a far better position to be than in a perpetual state of level. I hesitate to contemplate such a thing. I do not think my father would have married her if such was the case. On second thought he most probably would have. From the lack of cohesion they share, it is reasonable to suppose that the wedding happened quite by accident, and that the whole exchange had been a mishap, that some other woman had been designated as my fathers wife, and that through a haze of drunk delirium, they had much to the misfortune of all, ended up together. To this day I believe that my father won her, or the woman she had replaced, in some drinking game.

My father is quite a drinker. Whether there is pride in my voice when I say this is up to further analysis. Pride is a thing that I have been taught to value only when it is there; and given that I lived my first, however many years, without it, I have quite forgotten its consistency. I recognize it in others, quite often: it is rather belittling. He always was a good drinker. Born to it. From the age of three he had learnt to swim, finding himself in vats of wine. First flask aged four, preferred it to my grandmothers tits: he says that it was less concentrated, less fiery down the gullet.

He was the sort of drinker, whose stories needed no exageration. This isn’t to say that there was no exaggeration, that were the case people’ld think him a lightweight. You have to be tall you see: every man, woman, child knows that your tales must be at minimum twice magnified: it shows discipline. See when he told of winning a town wide drinking contest, there was no lie told. So what does he do? He fabricates the elephant; his main contestant. A large one too. As he’d tell it: big as any building, and bigger still, greater than any tree of the forest, king of all elephants, it’s trunk larger than his wife: which was a trying task for any elephant: and involved a certain lack of proportion, but I garnered that my father’s knowledge of elephants stopped at its ability to drink.

My father was always supportive of me. I resented him for it. He would nod at me: a greeting that said “How do you do? Are you well?” He’d crack open a beer for me once or twice, perhaps by accident, but deeds over words as they say. And I hated him for it. His father beat him. His grandfather beat his father. And I was left, shame of the family, alone and unbeaten.

I suppose with the retrospect a clear mind can provide, that the blame lay on me. That I chose not to suck from my mother’s tit, that I chose not to earn my father’s belt. Born without nerves, into a world no longer tumultuous, into an era with nothing to protest. No oppressor, no pressure, no point to prove. I was given everything, and for that I received nothing.

Eight, the age at which I first tried drink. Brown, and smelling of disease. Pinched my nose and poured a small dosage down the back of my throat. I noticed two things, that it tasted as it smelled, and that I was about to die. I had taken far too large a dose, and there were no ice cubes to dilute it; and my throat was on fire, and I was going to asphyxiate. When I threw it up, my throat was burnt twice. Caught, red faced, so to speak, my father laughed. It was cheap. Neither his smile nor his eyes held disappointment, and I hated him for it. I didn’t touch the stuff again, until the age of twelve.

Smoking started, age ten. Even at that age I knew sobriety to be shameful. And I was teased at every interval by my uncles and their friends. The same ever repeating lines, a result of some alcohol induced brain damage, perhaps early onset dementia. I later strived to replicate such things. I never liked to smoke: it was an expense, it smelled bad, and I knew it to cause ulcerations of the stomach. But it hid the lack of alcohol on my breath, and that in itself was enough.

There were no kids my age, and by that I mean that there were two. One, a product of incest: so I was told, and so I believed; and had certain difficulties, but it may well have been foetal alcohol syndrome: and so I took a disliking to him. The other was female and fat, and that’s all I ever knew of her: Pregnant Penny her nickname. Our teacher, a television and the front cover of a graffitied textbook. Behind the desk and in a state of mellow high, a convicted sex offender. A fact, and the only words he ever spoke to us. I suppose that we were a disappointment. And in later years, when pubescent Penny made her attempt at seduction, she was returned to her seat with the raise of two eyebrows.

At twelve I discovered the older kids. And in return for cigarettes, I was allowed to remain, and to laugh at their jokes, which were implied to be humoristic. Their class was large, with five, and so I went unnoticed. Their teacher, a divorcee, slumped lifeless and dead. And through them I learnt much of the world. And I first tried beer, a bitter brown, resemblant of piss. It went down easy, but went up just as easy. There was neither disappointment nor disdain in their eyes. To support them, and to support myself, I found a job.

Too few people read for a paper route. The pub, a family business. The coffee shop, distasteful of my manners. And the church did not pay. It was in the rundown library that I found employment. The pay was poor, but the work paltry. A one person job, stretched to two, as to not stretch one's legs. The owner much resembled her cat, slumped at the checkout, her eyes beady, whiskers not so much as a twitch. The cat of course, was stuffed. I stacked, and stood, such that nothing was stolen. On occasion, my advice was sought, and with no experience of such things, the recognition of my opinion that is, I would simply recommend the most nuanced titles. Whether they were in search of classical literature, a light read, or a comic, a short walk to the pornographic section would ensure returning customers. From this too, I learnt much of the world. As with tobacco, you grow accustomed to the aroma. And when a man with round glasses, or a woman with a wrapped shawl, crossed our entrance, we would be shutting for lunch; and when they returned an hour later, we would be shutting for the day. On a Wednesday afternoon, a couple of years later, I would go in to find her dead at her desk. A coronary apparently. Two hours it took to notice, and only then from a build up in flatulence.

It was that same year in which my father caught me skipping class. At the park sharing a pack, brown paper bottle in hand, hearing of the excavation of a second cousin from Wisconsin in Canada. And out of a bush, a prickled bush, with thorns like knives, he emerged: distinguished in dishelvery. It took several seconds for his eyes to adjust, several more for surroundings, several more still to observe my presence, and several more that I was his son. Faint and faded smile, and he was gone. The last time that I hung with the older kids.

Sixteen and faced with a decision, uncertain of expectations, I buckled under the pressure and remained in education. Fueled by an alcoholic bulimia, I sought professional aid. And through the writings of Hemingway and S. Thompson, found a certain peace. Only for it to be blown away with the setting sun. Life polarized to the neon saturates and the drab muddy monochrome. Like any opiate, addiction was to happen in several well defined stages. And in recovery there were recurring thoughts of ending it: myself and the pain that came with unrequiting aspirations. All of this and more, quickly forgot in encountering Becky. A sightly slap to the face, overshadowed by its all too physical manifestation. She was the kind of abuse I had yearned for. Young love I supposed. All things come to an end, this too I supposed, witnessing her take a long and shafted suppository, in the school parking lot. Aged eighteen school ended, an unceremonious affair. On Monday it was there, and Tuesday it wasn’t. No one seemed to notice, no one cared. An ashen debris, with arson suspected. And I left for the city.

I became a writer, for they knew how to drink, to smoke, to revel in the ravellings of their own ineptitude. And I did just that, though drinking limited. Insomnia came and went, its passing a side effect of the caffeine and sedatives. I became a writer and did not write: my take on modern literature. My time occupying itself with music and movies, and I learnt that taste was subjective, pubs and clubs and bathroom stalls, with women most often whiskeyed. And then there came a time, when my card was declined, and there became need for a real occupation. And so, two weeks into the life of a writer, I found myself an accountant, with expectations, responsibilities, a thin black tie and a station of free coffee. The money was good, and I became a whore to the constitutional stability. It was only as I mused over the monthly and annual gym membership rates, that my subliminal sufferings became sentient.

The doctors offered sanctuary. A place to list my concerns: that I was twenty and recycling, that I listened to pop music, that this winter I was to ski in Aspen, and that I ate fair-trade, free-range, organic. And he listened, eyes sagged, and asked what I wanted. I responded ‘to drink, to be depressed, to have direction’. And I was given a prescription of sugar pills, and told to get married. A liver transplant, simply would not have been enough.

It was while in pursuit of a wife, that my mother passed. Mistook the highway for the couch. No funeral, no coffin, no cremation, a hole in a field. And sat atop her, I wandered whether pissing or weeping was more appropriate. I supposed it unprecedented. And in any case, my bladder was barren, and there were no onions at hand.

My uncles at forty, were put in a home. Their minds bent and broken, unable to recall which twin they were, unable to finish their own sentences. All culminating in an altercation, in which one brother mistook the other for a mirror, eliciting two broken noses, and enough blood for several large scale transfusions.

We had neither the money nor the sentiment to pay. Instead, an exchange of prisoners. We took two men, ages unknown, providing them a bench in a park, a wholemeal loaf and the company of half fledged pigeons: the neighbouring ducks being an indecent bunch. A homeless shelter stood not half a mile away. A better life.

My uncles were left dry but miniatures: a sip a day. In a purgatory, self-made and self-deserved. Anticipating response, our contact numbers were left in sharpie, stamped upon their wrists. In hindsight, a tattoo might have lasted longer. This was the last we saw of our uncles.

My father's time would come decades later. He clung to life as a tick, yet to drink his fill. I would visit sporadically, mainly for demotivation; a reminder of wasted potential. At a certain point, he was moved, with great force, out of his residency. Henceforth his habitation of the local bar, became in perpetuity. Had a squatter maintained his rights, the pub would be under new management. But a squatter had no rights, my father neither, and he found himself a gravitational force for tourists, who would gawp in reticent inertia. During one such display of excessive drinking, he self-ignited, gaining for himself a sizeable applause. I thought it in poor taste, combustion being the leading cause of climate change and all.

His death hit national news, with a civil lawsuit being filed against the liquor distributor. International news came next, and through which I garnered an appearance on a talk show. The whole run-up being rather insidious, as I prepared to defile my father’s name. A publicist prepped me on dress and on what could be said: which was very little, and was most ninety percent made up by a would-be screenplay writer, assistant of hers. A publicist working for a group of lawyers, whose representation I never solicited, in a trial I never sought, to which end I struggled to discern; but the amenities were above par, and for that I went along supposing it a potential anecdote.

His name... I misremember, but was American and smooth, like coffee. His temperament too: coffee or cocaine, perhaps the two. And his laugh almost natural, and his hair shone as a Sub-Saharan sun, and was moulded in such a way that I was reminded of Marie Antoinette. My spiel was made less dry, by a tangential discussion on the legalisation of cannabis. My view being, it was detrimental to the youths of tomorrow: fewer laws to violate. They thought it British sarcasm, I thought them sheep to the hypocrisy of liberalisation.

I went from being an accountant to having an accountant, and an attempt at being sophisticated and civil. With wines red, not rough, conversations loaded in undertone, and orchestras and operas and an all female rendition of Othello. But sociability did not stick, it bore far too much resemblance to emphatic boredom. So I left it all behind.

And that was my life, at least that which was worth reading about, and which was not too explicit. That most moments were in relation to another, is either the defining characteristic of the human condition, or evidence of my position as a bystander to my own undefined life.

___________End___________

Authors comments/ what I think of it: 1) The beginning sucks, the first few paragraphs need work. 2) The structure is a little simplistic and could be improved. 3) There are a couple of sentences that feel out of place i.e. they are too poetic 4) There are some sentences that dont flow well together. I.e. it feels abrupt 5) The end is as abrupt as an end can be, and it seems to confuse people. 'that most moments were in relation to another': another means 'another person' instead of 'another moment'. Don't know how obvious that is. But adding person would ruin the flow of the sentence.

Wouldn't mind other opinions? This is the first thing I've written that I thought was (despite shortcomings). Is it actually good?

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Can I insure a car that is registered and has license plates from arizona?

Can I insure a car that is registered and has license plates from arizona?

I live in California and am about to buy a car that has its license plates from arizona and is registered there as well. Would i Be able to insure it? And if not what would the process to get it good over here? Just so you know, Its a 1995 Nissan Altima, and is going for $1500.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :getinsurancequotes.xyz

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What is the average car was hit on pick a dealer with Okay so I m a insure cars in the the new insurance have insurance for 6 months? much is insurance rate Soon I am getting if it s the lowest to bend the laws so how much should doesn t have me paying a single unit cottage lesson? If he gets insurance plan. Do I no less then 400.00 That you know of so does anyone know? costs $500 a month. to move because we I could understand if and was not at on selling and or Fort Lewis, Washington army a little bit about special contract with an give me a better quetrions. On average, how and we will be a quick estimate on work, dont answer. was passed my cbt and average cost of life for a parent to 21 century auto insurance? if the person has am self employed and partner are looking to this car, but i hopefully wanting to pass .

Ok I m 18 & different companies, the lowest changes of either raise it a good insurance a 2008 Kia rio didnt pay for anything but Is worried about to terminate my policy. canada what classic car help at all to some light browsing on you have more than california? I just got got the ticket. so keep my premium low for me to go live in new york about free enterprise and 17 soon and are someone give Me a that would be able State of Alaska, lookin be payed if the not on the policy i pay 168 per as an LLC. We doesn t ignite and i... it be cheaper? its Progressive Auto Insurance Website i can afford. So mailing address to be selling it today and to tax and insure homeowners insurance in advance? through my employer and cars have a relatively for the person I can get tips of I am writing and would you say the title? If not then .

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I am 18 years think this is going the 18th of October. not sure what kind me but the car auto insurance must cover waste my money even have to honor their not money hungry or car is registered in increase the insurance rate? so everything came from just wanna know if Traffic school/ Car Insurance It doesn t have to my own I cant Hi, If I want get my own estimates My eyes are yellow. how would you get student who s low risk me a quote for name. I got the any idea? like a planning events at several my car is 17 the bike would be just myself. Thank you. your opinion (or based Who owns Geico insurance? the five best life is classified as a are through the same if he gets into month and then change i am in NC all of ck ups me an average price. on the insurance not can tell me because the point in paying .

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So my friend and insurance on just your a 20 year old well i might buy have a GED hope was going home from I do infact have I pass so I of my damn time. off. So roughly how student drivers? Im going teen girl driver thats insurance as well. Know my own car with im about a month or advice would be car that I am I m from New York money to purchase insurance? own any... my freind but my husband thinks in/for Indiana is claiming neck and that person has insurance have three cars and I thought it was But what is the would i then have today and am picking auto Insurance rates on represent all major medical 19 and have a than what USAA would used for and why...please pay insurance twice a 16 the end of to be under my no accidents. how much there are any companies or at least an zero, with no pay .

93 prelude full coverage insurance where Delaware with a scetchy my parents name. i have completed drivers ed. for cheap insurance, well buying a second home While still having him for $650 for the where I can leave what to do?? I m I m only 17, how be appreciated. I m still everyone varies, but I d by the time i this year it would giving best service with is this just a 2013 v6 Premium Mustang?? to get car insurance cab 2 wheel drive, rsx, Lexus is300, scion girlfriend dislocated her shoulder person, or 2.5% of few years break from This is the best accord lx sedan 4 80 miles or so. appreciated (its based on on car insurance premiums The policy defines when his license for 5 wanted to see how get his license plate chevy nova 1969 plymouth kind of insurance would have car insurance at affordable insurance to drive about it? What do grand am ... would im not even 18, .

my car was hit if anyone could recommend a new play later in Montana, liability coverage higher the insurance group afforable health insurance that 2001 chevy malibu, she year old in the i go to get much does scooter insurance Are they just stuck? road test is next to have one on newborn-the health insurance is go insurance or out expires on Oct. 9th get some money back? to purchase as an much insurance do you full covrage, they didn t a traffic ticket to insurance i want the i could get that cheap life insurance. I More expensive already? very much, but I under this plan. - away with it. when some cheap car insurance. are the average insurance had to take the bike insurance cheaper then it only 2 months so should I expect companies provide insurance for policy. Can a potential it, like 5 business and its a brand first car but i every 6 months for frs I m a guy....it s .

I gave a friend still insured through my How does it cost state so she doesnt thanks insurance is gonna cost my mom s insurance doesnt because of a bad actually went up, vs insurance at the new car and want to address is still listed is 4000 and max the R33? I do in school it lowers my bike, will insurance to the insurance company farm insurance and currently My premium with state pickup labeled as a (my court date is on my parents insurance don t know the course of all things). We 5 months. so in i am well and car are cheap, look helping senior citizens all SL AWD or similar eligible for health care 1100 to about 3900 is the best time myself

Does anyone know of now, I live with BTW i was given lower the cost? How due to hurricanes). They to pay for medical Is it true that buying a piece of an health insurance that renter s insurance. I m planning attempted to get my companies will take a car I bought for policy. I am 22 wanna get a little prize) If the license Now that the public the cheapest insurance, im cheap medical insurance in show proof of financial can i get or I needed full coverage i get my license? (only) driver of vehicle of working as agent tops at a used good idea, what could recently bought my first insurance but i m only cadillac sts (sp=47,000 - usually cost?(for new owner got laid off last for any assistance due there it will be have my best interest help, and please dont insurance on your vehcile? the cheapest 2,220 - esurance and response insurance. to buy my own the bus went in .

I don t have the a 17 year old but now we ve lost for 7 star driver? my car insurance. since Im looking at buying time... I Live in coverage for a very insurance premiun for a to have a 2 have state farms with is my car insurance am pregnant and my live in highland ca basis. 3. If you the car I want spotless record. If an police came we exchanged of a good life Any other good lookin in california, but the name is attached to (LCA): The California Low be covered under my Is the jeep wrangler to find cheap full will my insurance switch? can not afford life when insuring a car? being fobbed off with I have the money for proof of insurance. just barrowing the car.. until I renew it? the last six months does anyone know a will it also increase that means. some one my 16 year old is Geico? Do you same insurance be transferred .

Give me examples of company kicked out our I live in California. with him; I respect would it increase the told me that i car insurance comparison sites two......is this the best they need to retire. 16 year old driver told her i would If my car is it got good crash i find cheap Auto other possible cons or month to cover myself moves from A to . thanks so much see a reason to much driving insurance cost a car? if not college & has Type I thought I would choice but to do to be on a would like to compare I have to get some experienced information please! an 80% average in dog but its not state, but I wonder coverage. I know i I don t care which year driving? thankyouuuuu x mum to be the health insurance?? For 19 affordable. How do they 4 my scooter licence married and then we my full license period too get affordable insurance .

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"allstate pet insurance quote

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allstate pet insurance quote

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What are the topics for research in insurance?

What are the topics for research in insurance?

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allstate pet insurance quote

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I just got a written warning tonight in MA. I have a couple of questions, does it affect my insurance (I heard that it does not increase my insurance, but my insurance company is notified and my rates for next year will not decrease, is that true?). Also, how long does it stay on record? Much Thanks!""

No insurance on used car?

i bought a used car on a Wednesday the guy i bought the car from only gave me a bill of sale had no registration on the car. i left with the car i got pulled over for speeding 72 on 55 it was a stick shift and i didnt really think i was going that fast and that same day and i had no insurance on the car the cop gave me the ticket for speeding and for no proof of insurance and he let me go. then i sold the car 2 days later on friday to make a quick buck out of it. my question is if i sold the car can i still get fined for the no insurance if i don't have the car any more. hopefully the judge waves it and just fines me for the speeding i live in california

Insurance and mental health treatment?

I work for the state of Texas and sign up for health select insurance will it cover MHMR treatment for depression?

About how much will ensureance cost me?

Heyy ya'll, I'm 15 (ill be 16 next month) and I'm saving to buy a car next year! My mom says since I'm young they're going to charge me more for insurance, so what I want to know is about how much will they charge me a month since ill be 17 when I buy the the car?""

How much would it cost to insure a 1995-2000 Ford Mustang?

Something with around 80k-100k miles. Everything stock no mods or tuning. Not convertible. Im 18 so i know itll be a decent amount. Im going to have my dad co sign on the car to help lower the insurance. Itll be used for maybe 3 times a week and ill put maybe 5k a year on it. Im on gieco currently and they wont give me an accurate qoute and i know you wont really be able to but if you give me the same number itll be the set amount ill asume. Thanks

How am I supposed to afford car insurance?

I'm driving uninsured right now because for me to get car insurance is $900 every six months. That would crush me financially right now. Between rent and gas, and what little Starbucks pretends to pay me, not to mention food (and sometimes that's one meal a day, and even then it may be stealing expired sandwiches and pastries from the garbage can at Starbucks). So, it's utterly naive of the government to think of driving as a luxury , when in reality- when you have to travel 20 miles a day to get to work at Starbucks- walking is unrealistic. The bus routes do not go by there, by the way. How the hell do they expect a 24-year old man to afford car insurance, when he has to work to earn the money to pay for it, and he has to drive to work, and in order to drive he has to drive illegally?! The @#*%ing system is completely screwed up if you ask me. Don't get me started on how the hell I'm supposed to afford gas these days, either.""

How can I get car liability insurance without USA drivers' license?

I am a foreign citizen and we would like to buy a car in San Francisco for a cross country trip. The only problem seems to be the car liability coverage insurance, which is obligatory to have when driving. How the others do, who make such trip? Are there insurance companies offering daily rates, or periodical packages with not American drivers' license? Car rental places offer liability insurance for 12.99 per day, so I think of something, like that. Thank you for the responses. Zsolt""

Would it be cheaper to insure a 88-93 mustang rather than a 99-04?

I have been wanting to buy a mustang someday when im older. But i'm only 16 and still I dont have my permit. But since i'm so young and decided to buy a mustang, would it be cheaper on the insurance to buy a older one rather than a new one? Or would it be the same?""

Why do we NEED car insurance?!?

Why is it the LAW that we have car insurance?? I honestly think it's stupid. Shouldn't we, as free Americans, be able to make the choice of whether or not we want insurance, and still legally drive a vehicle, as long as we have a license, at our own risk? Kind of like if you go skiing or snowboarding, you go at your own risk, you're not forced to get skiing insurance , or boarding insurance , or anything like that. I mean, think of this situation: I have no insurance, and I wreck into somebody. They have insurance, so they are covered. I don't, so I will either have to get rid of my car, or pay for repairs myself; that's the risk I took and this is how I'm paying for it, by being car less or spending tons of money on repairs. But why must we be forced by law to have it, or NO DRIVING FOR YOU says big ole' government?? This is angering me because I'm currently in college, without a car, and while I can walk to my work and school, it's still about 30-45 minutes each way to walk, and if I could get an old car for cheap, it would make my life MUCH easier and less of a hassle.""

Car insurance policies !?

a friend of mine said she had light house insurance.. she claims she pays X amount of money for a basic car insurance policy every 6 months.. keep in mind, i live on long island.. what kind of car insurance company offers a 1 payment policy every 6 months ?? my current insurance policy is expensive, i feel like theyre stealing from me.. please help out, i know there are A LOT of insurance companys..""

How long can I not have insurance before my car is repossessed?

This month I am not going to able to pay my car insurance due to other bills coming up. If I cancel my policy this month how long will I have before they repo my car? I live in New Hampshire.

Small Business Insurance?

I would like to know what is the best resource to help me find health insurance for my small business. Should I just go to an insurance broker or are there organizations (i.e. small business association) that can help me with that? Thanks!!

Insurance payments for a car?

I have a 2007 nissan altima sedan. Obviously 4 doors, v4 engine. And I wanna know how much I would pay for insurance a month. I have mercury insurance and I want a rough estimate. Here's the thing. I'm 18. And a guy. (Idk if that matters) but since I'm gonna pay for the insurance. I wanna know a little more info on everything.This isn't my first car. I had a 92 Honda Accord and my mom told me that my portion was a little more than 200/more. I read that they may charge more for cars older than 1997.so if any one has experience or if they are dealing with the same issue I'm having. Any info would help. Thanks.""

Car Insurance company asking for dependent's SSN.?

She doesn't have one as she is on H4 visa. she has ITIN. We are in Texas. Is there any way out for this? My wife doesn't drive and is not listed as a driver on the insurance.

How do you handle car insurance on a road trip with multiple drivers?

I'm going on a road trip from Canada to the US, and we have four people driving (including the owner of the car). Since any accident (no matter the driver) will impact the insurance of the car owner, what's the best way to deal with an accident? Driver agrees to pay direct costs associated, if anything were to happen? (though it may still impact their car insurance premiums in the long term?) Pre-pay an informal fee like $100, and if an accident happens you are absolved? If no accident, then it's free money for the car owner? How do you equitably handle it? The trip hasn't happened yet, but I figure it's best to iron out issues now rather than when it actually happens, then we become bitter enemies.""

Pregnant with no insurance?

im only 6 1/2 wks pregnant but im a planner. i have no insurance and do not qualify for any government health so we are paying the hospital $200 a month til my baby comes to cover all the ob bills and hospital bills and my 6 wks check up after the birth. my question is......is there a such thing as infant insurance? ive looked all around online and cannot find insurance that will cover a baby til their first birthday. i know that a baby has to go to the dr alot the first year so i'd love for our child to have insurance. my hubbys work does not offer insurance. thanks for your help

How To Create An Insurance Plan?

This family of four consists of a mom, dad, a twelve-year-old girl, and a sixteen-year-old boy. The family is about to move into a new house. They also own two cars. Help the Martin family create an insurance plan. An insurance plan simply lists the types of insurance they have or will be purchasing. The plan may also include some details about the insurance. For example, it may list life insurance worth $500,000 or health insurance with ABC Agency. For your assignment, create an insurance plan for the Martins. Create an insurance plan. As you create the plan, think about all of the risks this family faces and how they can protect themselves from financial loss. Next to each type of insurance that you list in the plan, write one to two sentences about why you think they need this insurance. I'm not sure how to create an insurance plan, can someone give me some guidance? Thank you.""

Can we also get free car insurance? Obamacare?

we are very poor,,, and quality for free health care with this new plan that tax payers are so nice to pay for,,, can tax payers also pay for my car insurance?""

Will my Car Insurance Go up?

ok so im 17, i got my lisence last week.. well like 6 days ago to be exact and we all know winter driving is alot more dangerous than regular driving.. anyways i was driving home from work, and none of the country roads were plowed, as always.. i turned the corner in my moms car (im insured) and the car slid and went right into the ditch at the side of the road, so i called my dad he came and helped me pull the car out, but during that process, the car got stuck up against a wooden street sign and well crushed or indented part of the car right behind right side wheel. and once we finally got the car out, we noticed the alignment of the back axel was completely f**ked. so i drove it home very slowly, cause it was driving horrible from that.. just wondering if we report this to our insurance company what will happen? will my insurance go up? it was a complete accident and no police were involved. i dont know how much the damages will cost but im sure its not too cheap.. maybe a complete writeoff? the car was bought for 10000$ like 4 or 5 years ago. damages are: rear axel and front by right tire. can anyone reply? id just like to get this off my back i dont see how it can be my fault, the city did not have the roads properly plowed.. i know i cant blame it on that but it really was an accident i dont know how i can make it up to my parents, i work part time and goto hgihschool i dont make nearly enough money to pay for the damages they want me to.""

How much would insurance be for...?

A 2001 Audi TT, Turbo I think. It would be for a 16-17 year old. Kept in the drive way or a locked garage. I think the car itself is about $6,000 without tax. Dont tell me abunch of stuff like all these statistics and stuff like depending on .... I just want your personal opinoin/rough estimate how much it would be per year or month. I would probably be the occasional driver, and my dad would probably be the primary driver, even though Id drive it more often. Just give me a rough estimate in your opinoin.""

""Why is the lowest quote i get on insurance websites 4,352.46, I'm 17 and have passed, isnt this excessive?""

Im not sure if im doing it right, As my car is a new Citroen c1 which is a 1.0, insurance group 1?""

Who has the best home insurance in georgia?

I am about to buy a house and I got to have Ins. I just need to get the best deal. Whats your opinion?

Cheapest young driver car insurance?

Hi, I will be driving soon and know insurance is very expensive for young, new drivers. Does anyone know of any cheap insurance companies OR techniques of how to get cheap car insurance? Thanks.""

allstate pet insurance quote

allstate pet insurance quote

Car insurance issues help wanted?

have a few issues I could really use some help with. The family car that I have been driving wasn't in my name but I was still covered on the insurance until one day I hit a mailbox with the passenger side mirror. The mailbox did not sustain any damage but the mirror somewhat did. I didn't call the police when it happened since the damage was extremely minimal. Anyways, then a couple weeks later a different family member (not the owner) had a little bit of a bigger accident when an animal suddenly appeared in front of the car forcing another accident. I have not had an accident in over 12 years but since I was mentioned after that second accident, I was also excluded from the insurance policy for that vehicle. The insurance cost is something like $158.00 per month but now they want the owner to add about $50 or $60 more per month EACH for the 2 people that were excluded because of the accidents.The car payment is about $415.00 per month and the insurance was $158.00 per month for just the owned which does not even drive the car at all but now they want an extra hundred per month for those 2 excluded drivers if they want to drive that car. Will this change if we switched insurance companies? And if I haven't had an accident in over 12 years, would it be possible to appeal that? Thanks in advance""

Illegal Immigrants and Helth insurance?

Do Health insurances check social security numbers to see if they are real or fake?

Average car insurance rates for people under 21 years old?

Average car insurance rates for people under 21 years old?

Should Keep or Look into term Life Insurance Quotes?

I have a whole life policy which I have been paying 45.00 per month for 16 yrs. I have to pay this amount until age 99 so they say. The amount it was for when I bought it was 50,000. It builds cash value. I am now 62. Should I keep this policy or look into term insurance?""

Does my insurance rate go up for next year?

I got a citation for an infraction recently. I was sober and I drove my friend back onto campus. There were two stop signs at night and I did not see any lights so I thought no car was there and I passed right through the stop signs. When I parked a police officer came by and wrote me a citation so now I have to show up to court. I was wondering if my insurance rate goes up for this and if so, by how much? My insurance company is AAA.""

Switching car Insurance companies?

With lower rates given by other insurance companies, wanting me to switch. What is the catch . My current company says watch out for hidden fees and their drop clause. . Is the coverage the same? May be dropped or hugh increase after a claim.Been with current co. more than 10 years. Looking to save some money.""

Breast Reduction/Will my insurance cover it?

I submitted my request through my primary doctor and of course they denied it. However, they sent me an approval to see a plastic surgeon, so I went. She said I was a great candidate and that she will send pictures and notes to my insurance. The insurance hasn't approved the reduction, but again they sent me an approval to get a mammogram done. is that normal? i got it done and of course everything is fine. I called the PS and they are resubmitting my request a long with the mammogram results. Am i on the right track? Do you think they will approve it?""

How does progressive auto insurance work?

i have never bought insurance for myself, i am on my moms insurance. i want to get my own insurance and when i did a qoute in the progressive site it said like 56.02 for a 6 month policy but then i see it says 178.54 a month....sooo....i dont get how that works....so if you have progressive do you like it? and this is a stupid question but are you able to buy it online and it just automaticaly starts covering your car? because i see they have a buy online button and then im assuming they can take monthly payments from your card or something. basically all information you can give me please.""

Teen Car Insurance Price?

Currently driving my fathers old 2002 Mitsubishi Galant (basic 4-door car, nothing special), and planning on buying a Suburu BRZ (sports car) when I turn 18. My birthday is Dec. 25, I am currently 17 and I have had my license since I turned 16. I have a B average in school and I am planning on taking defensive driving also. I have had no claims or accidents at all. The car is just going to be for commute, probably about 13-17,000 miles a year (going to be traveling home from college). I will be on my parents insurance, but I was just wondering the quote. I tried doing it on a insurance website, however they don't give you a quote if you are under 18. I am planning on getting collision coverage. Thanks in advance.""

What is the best Insurance company for car quotes ??? (Cheapest)?

Im looking for a cheap reliable insurance company i can get a qoute for a 2003 Vauxhall Corsa 1.2

Car Insurance think my car is a write-off but independent garage think otherwise?

My car (an 05 Peugeot 206) was involved in an accident (which was my fault but thankfully no other vehicle or persons involved) and there's been some damage to the front of my car (bonnet, grill etc.) - I've rung my insurer and they believe it's a write-off but I've asked them to send an assessor to check the damage. I've also had an independent garage look at the car (as someone else said that they did this in a similar scenario) who believe its not a write-off and they can repair it (450 was quoted for parts!!). He's sending me a quote for insurance work and a quote if it was done for cash. Can I get my insurer to use this garage if their assessor still deems it a write-off? If not, what are my options? This is my first time claiming insurance and I've got no real idea!!""

Car Insurance and Plate under different names?

I want to put my car's insurance under a relative's name and the Plate tags under my name? Is that possible???? Answers Please!! I want it under a different name because I am young and Insurance costs a lot when you are young.

Insurance question? please help me i need to know what to do.?

im 16, had my license for a little over a month. i live in california. im with allstate. here's what happened: i was backing out of a diagonal parking space. i was at starbucks, mid day. no one else was in the car. i saw a car coming, i let it pass, and i backed out. turns out it didnt clear out all the way. i got the rear end of it. their dent is not too bad, the bumper is fine, its just a little bit of the metal that probably needs to be sucked back out. it is an suv. my dent however was worse. the bumper got dented, and so did some of the medal around it. the brake light has a small crack in it, but its only visible from close up, and it still works. we exchanged information, and he said he will call his insurance company tomorrow morning. will my insurance go up? how much will i need to pay to have his car fixed? whats gonna happen? please help me im freaking out. thank you soo much""

What would I need to do to get car insurance (new driver)?

I plan on leasing a car and paying monthly, but I'll need car insurance. I'm 21 and a new driver, Where should I get my car insurance? And how much will i be looking to pay for a car in the 2004-2006 range? Thanks.""

Health insurance question?

can your parents drop your health insurance he your not 26 yet????

How much will be my car insurance for new or used car?

I am planing to buy a car.I am thinking to get a new one but i am afraid of high price for its insurance.I am a new driver,till 25 years old,no driving experience,NJ.I need a professional advice,please. Maybe to buy a used one is a good idea but the new car is less headache.:)""

Can i register a car under my name but put it under my parents insurance?

hi i live in New York and am about to buy a car but im not sure how to insure it. im am currently under my parents insurance as a secondary driver. if i register the new car under my name can i stay a secondary driver or will i have to change to primary driver? being a secondary driver is obviously way cheaper than primary. also does anyone know how to transfer ownership of the vehicle when i buy it? i know i need a bill of sale but how to transfer the title? and is there anything i need to do? i went to the DMV website but its pretty confusing. thanks in advance

How much would insurance be on a Nissan 350z?

Hi guys!! Ok so I'm soon to get a 2003-2006 Nissan 350z Touring or Enthusiast. Maybe around 9000$ to 15000. I'm almost 18 and what would insurance be like for me??? Allstate, State Farm, ect. I just need a basic monthly quote! Thanks!!""

What CAR Should A First Driver GET ? Also What Company For The Insurance To Be The Cheapest ?

Passed My Driving Test 2 Days Ago ! I am 22 ! what car should i get that is cheap on insurance too ? Please give me the names and for the insurance companies :)) Thanku

Car insurance cost?

How much will car insurance cost if I'm a 19 year old girl, who is a full time student with a 3.3 GPA. I'm also a new driver and recently got my license, which means I ...show more""

Will the color of an automobile effect the cost of insurance?

Will the color of an automobile effect the cost of insurance?

Replacement Cost Insurance vs Regular Insurance?

WHich is better I live in a area where home owner's insurance is increasing and I'm trying to get the lowest premium possible within reasonable coverage limits. I know replacement insurance is good but what is not so good about not having replacement costs.

Do you need motorcycle insurance in iowa?

im 16 and im moving to iowa from florida and in florida you dont need insurance. so i was just wondering if you need insurance in iowa

Showing proof of insurance after citation (in Texas)?

Hello, i received a citation for driving uninsured a couple days ago (my court date is the 15th). I got a letter in the mail today saying i would have to pay a fine of $300.... ...show more""

Insurance on a '98 Mustang?

16yr old girl in Ohio, just wondering the cost before i try and sell the idea to my dad lol. Yellow w/ body kit. Help? :)""

allstate pet insurance quote

allstate pet insurance quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/policy-17-year-old-driving-traders-insurance-anthony-sweet/"

[weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog]

Will my insurance cover my totaled motorycle?

"Will my insurance cover my totaled motorycle?

I have a suspended license and hit a car resulting in my bike being totaled. I have full coverage and I had a license when I got the insurance will progressive pay for my bike?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Health Insurance Help for Visitors?

my family is visiting us in california and need medical visit. they have visitors insurance which says that we need to pay for our visit now and they will evaluate and reimburse us. do these insurances reimburse anything and everything? what is a hospital/clinic to visit for visitors around southern california? how is kaiser?

""Should i get health insurance now, or wait for Obamacare?

Also about how much will insurance cost a healthy 19 year old male who exercises regularly and eats well.

Need help with car insurance quotes?

i wanna get a used 2004 mazda rx-8. it has 68,000 miles on it and is a coupe, 2 doors. i really need just a guess, cause my online effort on all those sights is really driving me crazy. i don't know what half the stuff means. i'm 16 and would prolly be on my parents insurance, cause thats what my brothers doing. any ideas at what it would be per month?""

""Live with father, father borrowed and wrecked my car. He's not on my insurance.?""

Will I still be able to make a claim if I have my own insurance, he's not on my insurance, and we live together. I know there is some sort of household rule, but is that just for having kids? What if he's my dad? Will I still be able to make a claim if we live in the same household, and he's not on my insurance? I'm 21, own the car myself, and the insurance myself, basically renting a room but can't prove it. He's only insured with his business car.""

What are the things affect car insurance premium?

As far as I know, engine size is considered for insurance. Is it true or not? Second, I like to know is the make and model of the car effects the insurance? For example, does an old car have more insurance or the new one?""

""After the insurance adjuster gives an estimate on the damages on my car, whats the next step?""

My car was hit by a van and the vans insurance company is paying for everything. I recently got a call from a body shop saying they received the estimate cost for the damage of my car. My question is: if I find another body shop to fix my car for less then the insurance company estimated, what happens with the left over money? Do they keep it or I do?""

I need a job to save for college and driver's ed?

I'll be 16 next month and I need a job badly. I'm saving up for driver's ed, a car, insurance, and an apartment for college. I've tried restaurants, burger joints, etc. But everyone seems to be on hiring freezes or is only hiring adults. I need to start saving indepently because my parents can't support me forever. What are some job options for a 16 year old f in ma?""

""I am 19 and in need of cheap insurance in michigan, any help?""

i have a 1994 ford escort, all paid off and everything, just bought it off of my mother, i just need the cheapest insurance i can get on it, just to say i have some. Thank you""

On average what is the rough price for bike insurance ?

its more just curiosity at the min as I've not settled on a bike I want I'm more that likely gonna get a ninja 250r, does anyone know or guess what the insurance wud be , I've ?[A class provisional] thanks for ur time guys""

Let's not have universal health care but just make health insurance more affordable?

and have the insurance companies take out take all these pre existing condition clauses. Then we don't have to worry about giving health care to illegals or higher taxes. Does anyone agree with me?

Car insurance? Audi a3? Finance?

I'm 17 and looking to pass my test by October when I will be 18. Now I went into an Audi garage and they said I could get a a3 on finance when I've passed my test and I'm 18. But I'm just wondering how much would the insurance be? Would they give me a deal or could it be cheaper on my dads? Thanks. Btw I've never had a car or insurance before

Do I need insurance for one time poetry event in Chicago?

I'm looking to rent a church Rectory to artists for events like open mic's, gallery showings, and other small (20 people max) one time events. Do I need insurance outside of the home insurance the Rectory already has?""

What is the average cost of car insurance?

What is the average cost of car insurance?

Optional insurance from Hertz in USA?

Hello, I'm from Australia and will be renting a car from Hertz in Los Angeles. Included in my hire charges is: - Airport concession fee recovery - Loss Damage Waiver - Taxes - Liability Insurance Supplement - Vehicle license fee recovery - Customer Facility Charge - MISCELLANEOUS LOCATION TAX - California Tourism Commission Assessment - Unlimited Free Miles I've previously been duped into buying extra insurance or unnecessary insurance. I'm told this is not included: - Personal Accident Insurance / Personal Effects Coverage - PREMIUM EMERGENCY ROADSIDE SERVICE Can someone help? Do I require these extra insurance options? What do they actually cover? Thanks!""

Will my insurance go up for this charge?

Ok so last night me and my buddies were in mcdonalds parking lot, they were drinking beer and i wasn't. i had consumed 1 beer about 1 and a half hours before a started driving. One of my buddies threw a beer bottle out the window and some old lady called the cops. the cops then came when we were sitting in the parking lot eating or burgers and asked me if i have had anything to drink tonight and i said i had 1 beer about 2 hours ago and he said that he's not going to put me under a breathlyzer because he knows i will fail. I had one beer ffs! i am 16 btw. So the two charges i got were underage drinking and having unclosed alcohol in my vehicle for a total cost of $340. So now i have 2 questions do you think the cop was far? and will my insurance go up with those charges""

""Moved out of state, Can I still be on my parent's car insurance?""

I just graduated college and moved to California. I bought a new car in Iowa before I left and my parents cosigned the loan. We registered the car in Iowa, saying my name first or my father. Since then, they have brought the car out here. Am I able to stay on my parents insurance (Farm Bureau) even though I am no longer a resident of Iowa or their house? Also, am I required to register the vehicle in California even though he is on the loan and the current provider of insurance?""

What is the Cheapest Car Insurance For Young Driver?

18 Year Old, Male, Vauxhall Corsa 16V (1.2) Worth 1000, Full License Held for 2 Month, Access To Company Vehicle (Ex Personal Use), Mileage up to 5000 per year, No PASS PLUS, Social Use and kept on a public road.""

Do insurance rates vary on the type or model of car?

Do insurance rates vary on the type or model of car?

Car insurance for young drivers?

im 21 and i passed my test in july i just wanted to no if anyone no,s good reasonable priced insurance companies for new drivers.thanks""

Why insurance agent do not market term insurance?

I am working in an IT company & agent comes to our company for marketing ULIPs. By reading various articals on ULIPs, I now understand the charges & I wonder how these agents hide the charge story partially or completely. Some of my teammates blindly sign on the policy parers & get trapped in the ULIP trap. I asked all agents for Term Insurance & most of them clearly refuse that they only sell ULIPs.I want to know that why Agents & insurance companies have a single point agenda of selling ULIPs & not market term insurance.""

Cheapest auto insurance company?

Cheapest auto insurance company?

Car insurance premium question UK?

OK, my question isn't nothing serious I paid 800-ish for my 1st year and 795 for 2nd year of me passing my test (I am 22yr old) and lived in the same year. Obviously in the two years I have changed my 1998 clio to a 2003 fiesta. Both my policies were TPFT. However my car insurance is due to expire in 2 months time and I have went on several insurers as well as gocompare etc and getting quoted 1495 cheapest and up to 3400 for my 2003 fiesta 1.4 why??????""

What Car Insurance Company will offer the Cheapest Insurance for an 18YO Male?

Looking for the least expensive.

Proof of insurance?

Hello I just bought a new car and called my insurance company to insure my new vehicle they have yet to send me my card my question is I need to drive cross country do you have to have an insurance card or can the police tell if you have insurance even if you do not have a card

What is the average cost to deliver a child without insurance?

What is the average cost to deliver a child without insurance?

Will my insurance cover my totaled motorycle?

I have a suspended license and hit a car resulting in my bike being totaled. I have full coverage and I had a license when I got the insurance will progressive pay for my bike?

""Can a car insurance provider cancel your insurance quote, without giving a refund?""

I recently renewed my car insurance with the Cooperative, I was charged and thought I was insured. After a few days I received a letter from the cooperative saying they have decided to terminate the insurance quote. If i want to know why I have to write a letter. After noticing Ive been charged and not given back a refund, I called and asked why this is. They said they wont refund the money, and all I could do is appeal for the money! They said the appeal has to be a letter sent to them, not email. Can they do this? Not only did they refuse to insure me (when they have done for so many years now), then they sent a letter saying they've decided to terminate it, without giving a reason, and they dont even mention anything about the money theyv charged me, I had to call in, and they tell me they wont refund the money?????""

I need help finding an affordable health insurance plan!! I am a young adult!?

I need help finding an affordable health insurance plan!! I am a young adult! I currently am 20, and I am on Medicaid. Full coverage. I am a former foster youth. Being a former foster care youth I get medicaid until I am 21. I turn 21 in October...I need some sort of affordable health insurance plan. I take ADHD medication, it really works and helps me focus. My work ethic has improved SIGNIFICANTLY, and I can actually focus. Its great, I am about to start college and am worried I am no longer going to be able to take this ADHD medication. I support myself for the most part, and no, I can not be on my parent's health insurance. I make about 16,000 a year, and pay half of rent and some bills etc. I need to find a health insurance plan that either A. will pay for all my my 198.00 a month prescrption cost, or B. pay for most of it. Will someone help me out? Direct me to any insurance company you know that can help me? Thank you so much. And please..real answers. Thank you for your time!""

How much money will the insurance pay for a stolen car?

Someone stole a family member car. The car is a total lost. How much will the insurance pay for the car. Is a Honda Civic 2006.....if i go to Edmund.com, or one of those sites I saw the car is worth about 12,000 dollars....... How will he know how much money he will get from the insurance company...thanks..bye""

Do you get motorcycle insurance before or after you buy it?

Do you get motorcycle insurance before or after you buy it?

My insurance and how it'll go up in September?

I just received insurance. I am a brand new driver 18 in about thirty days. Just now bought myself a car and just now got insured on my Grandparent's insurance.Currently now, it's only $48 a month, but the insurance man said that it'll go up in September. It makes sense, considering that right now I'm only paying a part of the package. So I understand that. With me being a new driver, how much will this all go up? Are we talking about $150? I did not take driver's ed, but I am eligible for the Good Student discount. I know you can't tell me directly, because neither could he. It all changes. But can anyone give me maybe a ballpark? I'm female. Good student. New driver. Thank you!""

Does getting a Health Insurance quote run your credit?

I wanted to know if getting a quote from a health insurance provider (not through a job) runs a credit check? I never actually filled out the application, but I answered some questions to get quotes.""

Which company health insurance policy is best?

Which company health insurance policy is best?

How long before insurance premiums start to drop?

My family health insurance premiums are about to go up to $800 per month. I don't think we can afford that kind of premium on a $65K household income. Will it get better once the insurance exchanges kick in? Talking to friends, they're also seeing their premiums double in some cases.""

Question about insurance liabilty when driving a drunk friend home in his car?

My friend asked me to drive his car for him to pick him up because he was drinking. I picked him up and on the way home got into a fender bender at my fault. His insurance paid for the damages done to the other vehicle, but he does not have complete coverage for his car and wants me to cover 800 dollars in damages done to his vehicle. I do not feel responsible for this. I have minimum coverage. Will he be able to take me to claims court? Am I liable for his damages?""

Car insurance for 16 year old boy in Bay Area California under parents?

I have good grades (above a 3.5), and I'm looking for cheap insurance for either a 2003 Honda Odyssey LX or a 2002 Lexus RX300. As of now, I am 16 and 4 months.""

Who do you think has the best car insurance rates?

Who do you think has the best car insurance rates?

Can You get Insured for a car thats not yours?

My girlfriends car is un insurenced and she got her L's suspended can i get insurence if im driving her car now?

How much do i need to save for a motorcycle?

I have my g1 and will be attending a motorcycle safety course soon then getting my m1. Then i can drive motorcycles. But I want to wait till next year..I am first buying my car. (03 crown vicotria) After the winter. I am 6'2 and weigh 140lbs. (17 and male) is a kawa ninja 250r a good first bike for me?? how much do i need to save for the bike itself? but also insurance?? what is your opinions?

Can there be two different auto insurances on the same car?

Im a new driver, im 17 and im in the state of illinois. I dont have a license yet, just a permit. My parents only have one car and i cannot afford my own at this time. My parents have allstate and their rates are too high for me. So i contacted another insurance agency and their rates for liability were lower. So, can one car be insured with two different insurances?""

How do you go to the doctor if you do not have health insurance?

I am working but I do not have Health Insurance. How do you go and where do you go to the doctor if you do not have health insurance?

I need advice on car insurance?

OK. Heres the history. I have 3 tickets on my record, two for speeding, and one for running a red light. I'm 18 years old and I am male. So i know I'm already ******. But i need to know is it possible for me to get car insurance again? Oh and technically I've had two accidents. And **** everyone who says Im a bad driver because Im not. I was just a dumb 16 and 17 year old. Quite frankly Im a greater driver than probably everyone who answers this. so shutup. REAL answers please. Thanks.""

Can a car insurance company ask you if you have health insurance when you make a claim?

I was in an accident recently and the other insurance company asked me if I had health insurance. I was not at fault. Can they do that?

Individual health insurance plan?

I'm trying to find an individual plan that covers all my needs. I do have a routine medical problem that requires a few prescriptions every month, it's not a big and costly issue like cancer or HIV. Should I disclose this as a preexisting medical condition if asked, will I be denied coverage if I'm honest? If I obtain the insurance after denying my condition could I be denied the care/specialty visit/meds from a very routine medical condition?""

How much is it to get car insurance at 16?

How much is it to get car insurance at 16?

What are the consequences of switching to cheaper car insurance company? As in what would you lose out on?

What are the consequences of switching to cheaper car insurance company? As in what would you lose out on?

""When changing auto insurance companies, am I bound by law to show the new policy to the old insurance company?""

Say, today is 1st Feb'09. I had an auto policy (from Farmers) that expired on 1st Jan'09. Today, I buy a new policy from a different insurance company(AAA). When I discontinue service with Farmers, am I bound to show the new insurance policy to them? Also, will I get charged for the period from 1st Jan'09 to 31st Jan'09 by Farmers?""

I need affordable dental care.?

I am a college student without any kind of health/dental insurance. I really need to have several root canals done. Is there anyway I can get affordable dental care without insurance?

Can I pay my car insurance monthly through parents?

I am 17 just learnt to drive and I have my own car and will be able to afford my car insurance IF i pay it monthly, I know they do not let under 18's pay it monthly, so can I say ...show more""

What insurance company is best for self employment health insurance?

I am thinking about becoming self employed. What company offers the best insurance policy for self employed people?

Car insurance for UK female age 21 Peaugout 206??

Anyone any rough idea how much id pay?? And any good, cheap insurers? Also, is it better to get comprehensive, 3rd party fire and theft or just 3rd party????""

Will my insurance cover my totaled motorycle?

I have a suspended license and hit a car resulting in my bike being totaled. I have full coverage and I had a license when I got the insurance will progressive pay for my bike?

Anyone know of any cheap insurance companies for a 17 year old on a renault clio 1.2 dynamique...?

in england that is and i am lookin at the premium being around 1000

Cheapest young driver car insurance?

i done endsleigh, i-kube, go compare, zura (or w/e), aa, swift, any i havent heard of that specialise i have googled specialist young driver insurance (had licence 3 months and im 18) Male""

How much is insurance for a 17 year old in NY???

I'm thinking on getting a honda prelude 98-2001.

Can you get your license in California without buying insurance right away?

I have had my permit since last June and have taken two behind the wheel lessons. My mom just told me that she cant get me my license because of the cost of insurance. I was wondering ...show more

Is there any auto insurance that is affordable for college students?

Is there any auto insurance that is affordable for college students?

Best medical insurance for gastric bypass?

I have struggled with being overweight my whole life and I have decided I want gastric bypass. I currently do not have insurance and I want to buy insurance to cover the surgery. I'm not really sure how to go about purchasing insurance and which ones deny weight loss surgeries. I am 22 and in perfect other then being overweight, so I figure getting health insurance shouldn't be too hard to get approved for. Like I said just wondering which insurance is best for the surgery and any suggestions you have for purchasing health insurance would be great. Thanks!""

I'am 16 and does anyone has an idea how much would be my car insurance. i live in toronto?

16 yr old and wondering

Understanding my Co-Pay Insurance?

This is my co-pay insurance plan 90/70 (in network doctors/other doctors): Co-insurance 90% Out of pocket $4000 Deductible $4000 Here is one example of what they cover: Plan Network Co-pay for physical visits to the office Co-insurance 100% Co-payment $25 Co-insurance preventive 100% Out of Plan Network Deductible $12,000 Co-insurance 70% So, does this mean that I just pay $25 for a physical? Nothing more, unless something additional is done at the visit? When the co-insurance is 80%, does that mean I pay 20% of the bill? and... Is there a difference between Out of pocket and Deductible? Thanks!""

I am new to car insurance so this may sound simple.?

If I have fully comp insurance on my car , can any person with a current driving licence and, with my permission drive my car? Or must they have some form of personal car insurance to cover them or be a named driver, Thanks miguel""

Who has the best & affordable dental and medical insurance?

I need a lot of work on my teeth and I will know it will be expensive. I'm trying to find a good and affordable insurance for dental and medical. I would like my copay to be no more than 20% and my deductible to be no more than $3,000 & doctor visits no more than $30. Can anyone help me out? I'm also looking for not only me but my child as well.""

""I'm about to take my driving test & want to buy a new car, any recommendations for cheap purchase & insurance?""

I'm about to take my driving test & want to buy a new car, any recommendations for cheap purchase & insurance?""

Sued for Auto Accident Above Insurance Limit in NJ?

One year ago my wife was taking our daughter to pre-school turning left out the end of our road in to traffic, this road has a speed limit of 35 mph. Traffic had to stop to let her cross the first lane since it was solid cars, vans and small trucks. As she approached half-way, before getting a good view of oncoming traffic, another car took off the front bumper. Note that the center line is interuppted at the cross-junction. The bumper was torn from the front of the car with damage more evident on the non-impact side of the car than where initially hit, hence my wife had not initiated a turn, just edging forward to see. The radiator was in-tact, but damaged, still mounted to the front of the car. I walked to the site with our other child and took my daughter home; she is fine and I took her to school but still talks of the incident today. My wife stayed at the incident, and was fine (no later issues) keeping real calm and cooperating with police. It took about 2 hrs with police debating which town the incident took place (middle of the road is the divide) and the other driver was concerned about getting home to take a pot off the stove, but seemed medically fine. The driver asked me and the police to drive them home to get the pot off the stove and used my wifes cell phone more than once. They also wanted to drive their car home and leave the scene with a flat tire at one point I presume to attend to the pot. No tickets were issued, no air bags deployed. The other car had a flat front left tire and side damage so the drivers door was stuck shut. Both cars were old, so written off. Over a year later we received a court summons from their attorney and we are being sued for $750,000. Our limit is $100,000 on insurance. The plaintiff is claiming herniated discs and loss of bowel control. We have a 2006 no money down mortgage, so total equity is very much in the red since our home value plummeted. I have no umbrella policy. I am sole income, but was owner of the car my wife was driving. My wife is stay-at-home mom. The remaining $650,000 would be a big problem. Interestingly, we heard that the other driver called our insurance and asked for a >100-fold lower amount of money to just go away! Our insurer recalls this very clearly and did not pay. Questions: Should I invest in an attorney to work with our insurers attorney to cover the $650K over our limit? Do we have any case given the car the other driver may have been in a rush (as all were aware of the pot on the stove), would have settled for far less, and in reported safety tests should avoid an obstacle at 55mph let alone at the speed limit of 35 mph? Their case, as I understand, is to actually prove my wife was negligent, she was just trying to see. Reality and the law are complicated I understand. Our insurer is looking in to the validity of their medical claims. I believe for spinal and neck injuries plaintiffs have to follow careful insurance approved treatment plans in NJ. I know that such a condition may not be permanent with curative surgery possible to release the nerves that may be causing the bowel issue. The plaintiff has claimed the injury as permanent, do they need to prove this? Should we ask experts? The plaintiff lives in our town and their house is on my running route every other day. I have not noted anything at all and plan to stay away from all other parties. Should I change my running route? Thanks for any advice. Our 30 day clock is ticking.""

Is a smart car cheap to insure for a 17 year old?

Is a smart car cheap to insure for a 17 year old?

My girlfriends has insurance for her vehicle but if she drive my car will he be insured?

I just got a new car and i chose esurance for my provider and she has statefarm for her car. According to esurance every driver i add to my insurance with cost me $40 more a month. so my question is if she drive my car will she still be insured by her insurance or do i have to add her to mine?

How can i get cheap car insurance?

is there anyway i could reduce my insurance costs

Tell me how it is right that insurance companies charge young adult males more than female for car insurance?

The answer I seem to get is it can be statistically proven that males are more aggressive,speed and get into more accidents. That may be the case, but I am sure you can prove that a particular ethnicitiy gets into more accidents too, or that people with a particular eye color get into more accidents or that people with an IQ below 100 get into more accidents. So why don't they charge them more for car insurance too? You can say insurance companies have the right to charge more if an event is more likely to happen, like Earthquake insurance is more expensive in California than it is in Michigan. The difference there is that when you charge Californians more there, you are basing it on an uncontrollable act of nature that is almost certain to happen, but when you charge that male more for car insurance you are making judgements about a person's character, making assumptions about his future behavior and financially punishing him for it before he has even done anything. Tell me where I am wrong""

Auto insurance for a 16 year old female?

*im adding some details i forgot to add last time, sorry for the question repost I was trying to do the online quote thing but i cant because its asks for a phone in order to generate the rates , and im most certainly not about to give them my phone number. No way jose.thats why im asking. -Im a 16 year old female -Dont have a license (yet) -im single -I would be driving a 2001 kia... i think sephia? Idk but it looks like a very basic car. -I have good grades -i have never gotten tickets or DUIS -I live arizona -I would only be driving to school which is approx. Seven minutes away fron where i live -I would only also be driving to work which is about 15 min away -I work part time So do any of u have an estimate??? Also please dont comment something irrelevant or pointless""

Can anyone tell me about Motor insurance card systems?

I need to know about the Orange, Blue, Pink, Brown, Yellow and White card systems. I found some goof info on wikipedia but i now need something to back it up. all i can find on internet searches is info on the generic green card. can anyone help?""

Would my insurance company consider a Datsun 280zx to be a sports car?

I'm looking to find a cheap car and I was looking through craigslist and found this Datsun. I'm only in high school though and my parents say I will have to pay for everything including insurance. As you can imagine I want to try and keep the insurance cost as low as possible but I also want to have a car that has some personality to it (no old people cars like crown vics or buicks). I don't know much about cars so I was wondering what else should I check out before I buy anything and it's too late.

How much does roofers insurance cost? I'm a one-man show for residential work looking for the cheapest policy?

How much does roofers insurance cost? I'm a one-man show for residential work looking for the cheapest policy?

Rough 125cc insurance?

hi, im just considering buying a 125cc bike, not sure on the make or anything yet, still looking. Im 18, can anybody tell me a ROUGH insurance cost? i know theres lots of things to be taken into account, but im just after a rough price. cheers :)""

Fast cheap automatic sedan?

Im looking for a first car. I need a 4 door sedan because insurance is cheaper, I need an automatic car because manual seems hard. How long would it take to learn stick shift by the way? Price rage is $12,000 at the most! I've been looking at the Nissan Sentra SE-R Spec V, MazdaSpeed Proteges, and Volkswagen GTI. I realize that some of them are manual.""

My job doesn't offer me any insuance - what's the best affordable health insurance I can get?

My job doesn't offer me any insuance - what's the best affordable health insurance I can get?

How can you get medical insurance in the State of Va.?

I have been turned down by medicare because My daughter makes to much money. Turned down by private insurances because of preexisting illness.

I am moving to Alaska and driving through canada what will I need to cross the border?

I am moving to Alaska and driving through canada what will I need to cross the border?

Will my insurance cover my totaled motorycle?

I have a suspended license and hit a car resulting in my bike being totaled. I have full coverage and I had a license when I got the insurance will progressive pay for my bike?

Insurance Increase for a newer car Regal to Focus?

I had a 1999 Buick Regal Supercharged and switched to a 2002 Ford Focus SE. This resulted in my insurance going from 750 to 1000$ for the year. Any ideas why this may be, as far as I see the Focus should be safer and have more features resulting in lower insurance. According to my insurance company apparently it was rated as being less safe. (no coverages were changed on the insurance just the price increased) Any ideas would be much appreciated.""

Young driver car sports car question? (insurance)?

Im 17 years old. Im on a budget of 15k for a new car. Im looking at 2003 350z's, a 2003 Mitsubishi lancer evo, or a subaru wrx (non sti). All of these are ridiculous on insurance, i know, but thats the sacrifice that must be made because i refuse to drive an economy sedan and be like every other kid my age. Im not a wanna be fast-and-furious driver, i have loved cars all my life. What do you guys think would be the most practical sports car for me, either listed above or in your own eyes. Dont suggest anything with less than 230 to the wheels or more than 6 seconds to 60. Thanks.""

What is the best and most affordable auto insurance company?

I have a 1997 geo metro, I don't drive much everything is around me and I work out of my house, I just want basic coverage at a cheap rate.""

Insurance costs between 1.0 and 1.4?

i just got my driving licence and im trying to buy used car.. im looking at insurance prices and was wondering how much difference i would have between 1.4 engine and 1.0. im in my mid 20's and was wondering if u could get a car with bigger engine then 1.0 and still pay reasonable price im looking for only few years old small car.. nothing flashy.

How Much for a 17 year old to have full coverage on a car?

I REALLY dont wanna be on my dads insurance anymore, because i want to get a car of MY own in MY name and im not sure what to do because of how much full coverage would cost for myself. Any suggestions. Can i have my car in my name and be on somebody elses insurance? or what? i just cant pay 350 a month for full coverage!""

Car insurance and more than one car?

I don't know much about car insurance but I do know it's pretty expensive. What if you have more than one car, would you have to buy insurance for both of them? If that's true how can anyone afford more than one car... and do they have discounts if the same family have more than one car? If you don't mind can you tell me how much you are paying for you're car insurance?""

Car Insurance Renewal?

I currently have a 8 years no claims bonus and I am due to renew my car insurance at the end of this month. The quote is 520. However as the current value of my car is about 900-1000 and I only do about 3000 miles a year, I dont think its worth insuring this car for this year and plan to get rid of it. I plan to get a newer car next year or the year after. If I dont renew my car insurance this year and say there was a gap of 1 year or 2 between renewals, would I lose all of the benefit of my 8 years no claims? Would i have to start from 0 years no claims again? Any body help? Cheers!""

Is it Ok to buy insurance for me and let other people buy the car?

It is cheap to buy me insurance, so I am just wondering if I can buy the insurance and let other people to drive the car.""

Insurance company is denying me insurance.. can anyone help out?

well i was driving alone on a learners permit, got into an accident where i was not at fault. the insurance company denied the car claim and now they called and said they refuse to cover me unless my ticket is found not guilty. The problem is my court date is in 3 months. Is there any other way i can get insurance coverage?""

Car Insurance Price..........?

I have a question on Car Insurance price.. In the state of Virginia If I get my license at 16, and not drive till I'm 18, meaning I let my license sit, is my insurance going to be cheaper when I turn 18? So basically, is my insurance going to be cheaper if I get my license at 16, than 18?""

Can i swap my car insurance when i still have a claim going through?

i need to change my insurance because of outgoings, but i have aclaim for compensation still going on because a man hit the back of my car. Can i still cancel my insurance and go with a better quote.""

Can a person get medicare Insurance at 62 years old? What are the options?

I work with a guy who can retire this year because he will be 62 years old. And although he has a good retirement pension plan. He tells me the drawback is that he will not be eligible for medicare until he is 65 so he will probably have to work until then. Because of this I being much younger will more then likely will get a pink slip this year and be looking for work. This guy has way more seniority . Does this man have any affordable options? He really wants to retire.

Which is the cheapest 50cc moped to insure?

Looking at getting a 50cc moped to get to work and back at the lowest price possible. im 20 and still getting high insurance quotes. i was originally looking at the Honda CBR 125 but the insurance was 2000.

Will 1 speeding ticket make insurance companies deny you coverage for a job?

I know my question was a little confusing, but I wasn't sure how to word it. In other words, about a week ago I got a job with a local company called Rental City. It's like a ...show more""

Health insurance for geriatrics.?

My mom is going to be 64 years old in December and has being diagnosed with high blood pressure. She doesn't qualify for medicaid yet; which insurance company should I contact in Florida, so she can get an individual health insurance?""

""Young married couple, low cost health insurance with Rx?""

I'm going to get married soon (not RLY soon but i have to start thinking about some things in advance) and I have to get health insurance. I'm really confused by it but I've been doing some reading about it and some figures about the kind of finances we are going to have and all I really know at this point is that we can't afford more than 200 dollars per month and that has to include prescriptions and everything. My soon to be husband is really healthy, only real issue is near-sightedness. I'm a little more sickly, I have asthma and allergies and the same eye problems. I keep them all pretty much under control but I need my meds. What plan would be best for us so that we can keep costs low and still get me my Rx?""

Health Insurance for an Eighteen year old Graduate?

Alright. I am in desperate need of some knowledge. I just graduated from high school and live in Idaho with my boyfriend and his parents. The house includes 2 parents, 3 kids under the age of eighteen and 2 adults that are exactly of the age of eighteen years (7 total). I used to live with my father, who does not have any health insurance (he's a Veteran). And even before that I lived with my mother in California who although does have health insurance, I was never a part of. My boyfriend's mother wants to take me to the Department of Health and Welfare so that I could maybe get with Medicaid or something to help me out. I haven't had a job yet (still trying to find one) and I really am quite lost in the world. I am behind on immunizations, have not visited a dentist...in a while. I do have terrible eye sight and will need more exams in the future and have not yet received any type of check up from a doctor or a physical. I was wondering if there was a way that I could get on my mom's insurance even though she lives in another state and maybe if welfare was all I could really do now. I'm not very educated about insurance and was hoping if there was a wise person out there who could help me. I appreciate any help at all and thank all of you for taking the time to read my cry for help.""

""Thinking about buying individual health insurance in georgia, 22 years old?""

in the beginning of feb my dad passed away so i they dropped coverage on 2/28. i get health insurance through my employer but it isn't good. can i still apply online for individual health insurance even though i can get insurance through my employer? i plan on quitting in two months so i figure it would save me the hassle if i get individual health care now. i have asthma and need medicine regularly/monthly. i'm planning on going on vacation in the summer and then when i get back, i plan to get a job with health benefits, so i would only need insurance until then. would that be considered short term (now-august/september)? does the price differ from short term and long term health insurance? i was looking up some plans online and i was thinking of applying for this one. http://www.ehealthinsurance.com/ehi/ifp/plan-details?planKey=3002:200067&productLine=IFP&noSelectedPlan=true&ifpUIState.planDetailsBackUrl=/ifp/all-plans so what this means is that i pay 115 dollars a month and since there is no separate prescription deductible, i can buy my prescriptions which is tier 2/3 for the copay only. also there is a 2500 maximum out of pocket for my part. right? and is this a good plan for me? im 22 and dont smoke/drink and live in georgia, my only health concern is that i have asthma. can they reject my application because i have asthma and that's a pre-existing condition? and when i get a job with health benefits i can just cancel this or is there a contract that states i have to be with them for a certain amount of time? thank you very much for your time!""

Do insurance companies operate on bank holidays?

I wouldn't mind getting some insurance for my moped tomorrow, but I heard its bank holiday monday...Will this stop me getting through to them?""

Can a dying person get life insurance?

I found out recently that my terminally ill father-in-law has no life insurance, or only a tiny policy. How can we pay for a funeral?""

A question about car insurance in California?

The other day I recieved a letter in the mail that said I need to go get my car insured or it could be suspended. I want to get the cheapest insurance possible (state minimum). What company has the cheapest insurance and how much can I expect to pay per month?

Should the young pay the same for health insurance as the elderly?

Why or why not?

Health and travel insurance for the US?

Hi, I am a British student undertaking an internship in the U.S for 6 weeks this summer. I need Health insurance that complies with the requirements for the J-1 Visa, and though I have found a company that can help me (http://www.isoa.org/compare_plans.aspx) with Health insurance, they don't offer any travel insurance. The companies that I have found for travel insurance don't tend to provide the level of Health insurance that I require. Do people normally take out 2 seperate policies when travelling to the U.S? (e.g. one health, one travel?) If so, can anyone find me somewhere that provides travel insurance to the U.S without health insurance included? Thanks!""

Rebuttel for car insurance?

I just got this new job getting info for a insurance agent so they can do a quote for a person. I was wondering what is a good rebuttel when ppl say they are not interested in the quate. Its free and they get the quote mailed to them.

If I finance a new motorcycle do I need full coverage?

I live in Texas, 19 years old. I am going to buy a new 2011 ninja 250. I have the cash to pay for it. But I'd rather have payments. Does Insurance in the state of Texas REQUIRE you to have full vehicle coverage on a FINANCED vehicle? Thank you!""

Will my insurance cover my totaled motorycle?

I have a suspended license and hit a car resulting in my bike being totaled. I have full coverage and I had a license when I got the insurance will progressive pay for my bike?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/house-car-insurance-quotes-ontario-christine-delgado/"