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detective-crescend · 3 years

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break up with your girlfriend (i’m bored)

There is a game that Klavier Gavin sometimes likes to play.

‘Likes’, however, may not be the appropriate term.

It isn’t a nice game, or one that makes him feel like a particularly good and decent person. And yet, when he wins—which he almost certainly does, on all but two notable occasions—the rush of chemicals that his victory incites within his clearly damaged mind will cover up all but the most persistent cries of outrage from what remains of his decaying moral compass.

It is a private challenge, it is a weakness he has long since conceded to… it is played like this:

There are plenty of people in the world who would love Klavier Gavin simply for what he represents. Conversely, there are people who will despise him for those very same reasons.

When the small voice in the back of his mind begins to speak too loudly—the one that sounds so very familiar, calm and leveled while it interrogates his every action—when he, in turn, begins to doubt himself, Klavier will search out the nearest member of the latter group. The more this individual seemingly dislikes him, the better the effect. And, having identified someone who must dislike Klavier more than he dislikes himself, he will do whatever is necessary to change that person’s opinion.

Sometimes it is as simple as attention and kindness, gifts and persistence; sometimes it is through a display of vulnerability or chagrin that is only somewhat manufactured for the moment. Though Klavier’s motivation for doing so is horrifically selfish, the goal is to be perfectly genuine in his search for their affection. It needs to be; only once his target has offered up their adoration can he tolerate himself once more. If it is a false version of Klavier that they are idolizing, it only strengthens the voice’s position inside his own mind.

The point of this game is emotional intimacy, not physical. Klavier has never been in the game of intentionally breaking hearts. One of the cardinal rules that he has set for himself, then, is that his appointed convert must be maintained as a friend, not a lover. In actuality, the majority of the rules pertain to limits and boundaries—monetary, time, distance, and attitude—or to create clear definitions of what constitutes a win or a loss of the game. It is important, Klavier feels, to keep things consistent among matches and, therefore, fair.

But, although Klavier has flourished in this diversion since his now distant childhood, he had also never encountered a contender quite like Apollo Justice before.

It wasn’t that Apollo was particularly difficult to read or to predict what it might take in order to shift his perception—on the contrary, Klavier had known exactly what needed to be done to achieve his goal almost immediately upon meeting the man. Whether or not Klavier is capable of it, however, is where the debate hinges.

There are rules that will need to be broken, for one thing, along with a set of small, concealed truths that must be unearthed—things that Klavier had long since been in the habit of burying below several layers of his own psyche. As of this moment, there are only two that Klavier has managed to excavate and examine with any sense of composure.

The first, that Apollo has beaten him so thoroughly in Klavier’s own game that their exchanges have ceased to be a game at all. Instead, they have taken on the frantic and impetuous nature of an entirely different emotion. Klavier’s desire to win Apollo’s affection had ceased to be a simple desire; it now felt like a need, pulsing bright and warm from somewhere so deeply within him that he had long since stopped believing it was possible to feel this way at all.

The second truth—both far more recently understood and infinitely more frightening—is that the aforementioned need may, in fact, be love.

It is not as pleasant an emotion as he had once anticipated, more like gnawing hunger that rumbled when Apollo was absent and roared with an open maw when he was nearby. It made Klavier indecisive and introspective in an entirely different way than the voice in his head, made him overthink every word he spoke and every thing he did when Apollo was nearby. It made him impulsive and greedy, wont to push his luck at every opportunity he could possibly take.

And, as luck would have it, this emotion was ruining any chance he could have with Apollo in the process.

“I am performing at a local studio tomorrow,” Klavier is attempting to begin one afternoon, in the immediate aftermath of a trial he has just lost. Though he’d meant the words to sound suave and unintentionally cool, the force of Apollo’s indifferent gaze strangles the words into an awkwardly insistent rush. “Would you like to come, as my guest? You may bring Fräulein Wright as well.”

Before him, Apollo’s dark eyes narrow, his hands still in the process of packing up the strewn remainder of his courtroom notes. “What kind of performance?”

“It is for a streaming service, ja?” Klavier replies, grinning through the nerve induced flips his stomach has been performing since the moment he opened his mouth. “They invite artists to come for an interview and to cover a song of the audience’s choice. There is usually free food and drinks.”

“So no Gavinner’s music?” Apollo looks skeptical.

“Nein, I promise.”

Another moment of cautious consideration is given before Apollo eventually, reluctantly, nods. “Trucy’ll kill me if she finds out I said no. Text me the address and time.”

Of course, it isn’t until hours after the requested message had been sent that Klavier thinks to check the status of the polls online that will decide the theme of his performance. One glance is all it takes to know that his invitation could be nothing but an absolutely terrible idea.

The damage, however, had been done.

As such, Klavier wakes the next morning with his emotions an odd amalgam of dread and anticipation that carries through the remainder of his day. By his arrival at the indicated studio—far earlier than the time he had provided to Apollo due to the ever-necessary addition of hair and makeup—Klavier is certain he has thought of nothing else the entire day other than Apollo’s arrival.

“Trucy couldn’t come,” Apollo says later, looking exceedingly uncomfortable in clothes other than his courtroom ensemble. It is the first time since the Guilty as Charged concert that Klavier has seen him in anything so casual; he had forgotten that, in the absence of hair gel and when wearing something that is not a shocking scarlet in hue, Apollo looks good. Good enough that Klavier is far from the only one casting surreptitious looks as they walk together from the lobby to the studio.

Those small glances are enough to send his imagination into a tailspin that, consequently, causes his response to be just moments too late to sound entirely casual. “But you still came.”

“I already said I would,” Apollo replies, ignoring the delay with a dismissive shrug. “It would’ve been rude to bail at the last second. Anyway, Trucy made me promise I’d record your song. When is it, by the way?”

“Twenty minutes—I won’t keep you for too long, ja?”

The problem is, during a performance, Klavier is practically incapable of any sort of critical thought at all. Years of practice have led to a near Pavlovian response to the appearance of a camera in his face; at just the glint of a lense reflection, any doubts or worries he had previously been wrestling with will be delicately tucked away to make room for the public persona Klavier presents to the world.

The same thing happens, here. Within moments of the interview starting, Klavier forgets about his apprehension in having Apollo present for this performance. By the time he eventually starts to sing, he’s forgotten about Apollo sitting just beyond the camera in a plastic folding chair all together.

The song picked for him to sing is almost certainly a joke, intentionally selected due to his recent and rather outspoken declaration of bisexuality. But Klavier has never been one to back down from a challenge or to let anyone know they’ve gotten under his skin. His take on Ariana Grande’s morally bankrupt classic is stripped down and irrevocably smoky, just the sound of Klavier’s voice and an electric guitar with absolutely zero changes to the lyrics, as was expected.

Klavier is not singing to Apollo, precisely—as far as he is aware, Apollo does not have a girlfriend from which to break up with—but a song will always sound better with some sort of emotion attached to it. Klavier has long been in the habit of searching any lyrics that are not his own for a handhold that he can grab on to relate to; here, the idea of wanting someone unavailable, no matter the cause, is an easy enough choice.

And things go seamlessly for the majority of the song. It isn't until nearly two minutes in, just as Klavier is finishing the bridge, that his gaze slips past the camera he has just recently glanced up into, and finds Apollo’s eyes wide and locked upon his. Perhaps it is not entirely professional, to maintain uninterrupted eye contact with the opposing counsel as the lyrics “you can hit it in the morning like it’s yours” are murmured seductively into the microphone bent towards one’s face. The suspicion is confirmed when, thirty seconds later, the song’s end is met by an uproar of applause from everyone except Apollo, who stands and leaves the room altogether.

“Stop messing with me,” Apollo shouts in the parking lot when Klavier has finally caught up with him. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, I don’t know what sort of advantage you think you’re playing at, but stop.”

#day 2 of the ‘write everyday challenge’#idk who the dude singing this cover is but he’s got a nice voice #was going to try to finish this but we’re on day three now #so…. take it #idk where I was going with it anyway #sometimes i write things

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padawanlost · 3 years

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Why is faking a surrender so terrible? Would it be better if Obi-wan just let the general execute him? To be honest if I don't commit genocide or do other atrocities like slavery(which I am not denying the republic but did) yet I still do small things like the fake surrender to win I don't see how I am some how a terrible person as long as I am saving lives and winning a war against terrible people I don't see what would be bad?

Continuation of the other anon. I am only ok with someone doing small things like that to win because why would it matter. I am sorry maybe I am too cold on this but if I am in a war against someone that is actually evil I don't see how doing the moral high ground all the time will benefit me besides potentially making me look better in my grave.

Dude, i’m not going to explain to you why a war crime is a *crime*. Just figure out what an war atrocity is and maybe you’ll understand why humanity collectively decided that shit is bad and it should be stopped and prevented from ever happening again.

Just to put things in perspective: What if Dooku had pretended to surrender, and we he was arrested blew himself up with half of the Jedi Temple (Obi-wan Kenobi included). Would that have been okay too? or it is only okay to hurt people we don’t like? Palpatine tricked the Jedi Order to get what he wanted. Is that okay too? Or is it wrong only because the audience knows he’s the bad guy? Better yet, Anakin walked into the Jedi Temple under false pretense and slaughtered everyone. At the time he believed he was doing the right thing and that he had no other choice. That he was acting for the greater good. Was that okay too? Because he was ‘good guy’ doings a ‘little’ wrong thing for the greater good.

It’s not about being cold. It’s not an emotional matter. it’s a moral one.

We don’t get to decide to deserves to die and who doesn’t. we don’t get to decide which crimes are okay for ONLY CERTAIN people to commit. That’s not how any society works. The idea that some beings are exempt from society rules is called corruption. If a certain action is a crime, those committing them are criminals regardless of how much you love them or what their original intent was. We may understand, we may sympathize, we may even agree but none of that erases the fact they committed a crime.

It’s not about looking good. We don’t say war atrocities are crimes because we want to look good. we say it because they are crimes committed against innocent people by people who thought were the good guys. That’s why the idea that the ‘good guys can do it’ is morally bankrupt because everyone think they are the good guys. The imperial officers thought they were saving the galaxy, same as the Jedi.

Of course, I’m not say they are same because they are not. But both sides made mistakes and recognizing these mistakes doesn’t mean they are both equality bad. Like I said, understanding the reasoning behind the actions helps understand the action itself and what drove someone to commit a crime. But it doesn’t mean a crime wasn’t committed.

As an Anakin fan, I absolutely love him, sympathize with him and understand why he acted in such way. At the same time, I also understand that killing and torturing people is wrong regardless of how much I love him and want him to be a great guy/character. it has nothing to do with how I feel about him.

#ask #anon #sw meta #gffa politics #jedi order #jedi politics #txt

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ebp-brain · 5 years

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thoughts on “gay panic”

Here’s my two cents on the notion that no one should use the term “gay panic” to mean “I’m gay and panicking” because of its violent history: I respectfully disagree.

I know the history of the term–the appallingly homophobic legal strategy of the “gay panic defense” that claims a perpetrator of a homophobic and/or transphobic hate crime lost control due to the victim’s sexual and/or gender identity. This legal strategy has been used to justify, and mitigate the sentence for, homophobic and transphobic hate crimes, and is still sometimes used today. It is unequivocally an appalling and violent practice.

This is actually why I am not disturbed—why I am in fact cautiously hopeful—to learn that the phrase “gay panic” is being used in a very different way: because the reclamation of a term used to describe a violently homophobic and transphobic practice can help undercut the belief system behind that practice. Specifically, this much more benign use of the term “gay panic” helps rewire the psychological link between queerness and terror. It does not end violence or deny trauma; rather, it works to diminish, even trivialize, the morally bankrupt but culturally powerful notion that someone’s sexuality and/or gender identity is panic-inducing. Let me say again: this does not mean pretending no queer people are subject to violence. It means refusing to treat a transparently homophobic and transphobic legal defense with the gravity that gives it its continuing psychological and cultural power.

I want to break this down into smaller parts.

1. I am, frankly, pleased and relieved that many young queer people don’t know about the “gay panic defense.” Is it important to know our history? Yes. Is it important to know when that history continues into the present? Yes. Does not knowing the history of a term signal a certain amount of privilege? Possibly, though it also signals a failure of various school systems to educate students on queer history. What it also means, though, is that there are a significant number of queer folks, many of them on the younger side, whose primary association with the phrase “gay panic” is “I’m a disaster gay and I’m freaking out because that queer person is so attractive!” They hear the words “gay” and “panic” together and they come up with the sweetly self-deprecating conclusion that they are the ones panicking. They didn’t grow up believing that the words “gay” and “panic” are inevitably linked by someone else’s homophobic and/or transphobic panic. Should they be aware that many people did and do grow up that way? Yes! But I don’t resent them for their feelings of safety and comfort in their identities. I want them to feel safe and comfortable.

2. I don’t think the term “gay panic” is actually, in and of itself, a slur. The legal strategy of the “gay panic defense” is an abhorrent practice. But we are talking about language here: is the term itself so contaminated by its violent history that it is scorched earth, never to be inhabited again? There’s something about slurs hurled in schools and on the streets that can make them conjure a visceral gut-punch reaction; they have been shouted during acts of intimidation and violence. I may not agree that slurs cannot be reclaimed, but I understand the logic. But I’ve never heard of anyone saying “I’m in a gay panic right now because of your sexual and/or gender identity” while beating someone up. The violence of the legal system is real and terrible—that is, again, not up for debate here—but the term “gay panic” (or “gay panic defense”) seems qualitatively different from a slur because it is, basically, a bullshit rhetorical attempt to make hate crimes seem psychologically justified. The term is meant to obscure violence, to distance the perpetrator from the crime, to deny guilt. It’s a trick of language.

3. It is therefore the ideal sort of term for queer people to play our own tricks on. We must not deny that many queer people live in terror. We must also remember that our goal is to reduce that terror. Language shapes cultural attitudes; the words we say affect what we believe. They are not an alternative to direct political action or learning about our past and present; rather, they are part of action and of learning. The way we use language matters. I’m not saying “whatever, ‘gay panic’ is just words; it doesn’t matter how we use the term.” It does matter. That’s the point.

4. You may disagree with my analysis of the phrase and argue that it is a slur, that it is itself a violent term with the capacity to evoke centuries of trauma and oppression. You may certainly feel discomfort or fear upon hearing it, sense the specters of trauma and terror creeping closer, remember that you are subject to the violence of strangers. I certainly have no business telling you that you don’t or shouldn’t feel this way. Nor do I have any right to, say, post the term on your blog to upset you or somehow shove it in your face despite your discomfort. However: queer people may feel differently from each other. We may not agree on what words are acceptable, or on how we want to use language. This does not necessarily correspond to some sort of sliding scale of privilege, in which all the people with more privilege think one thing and all the people with less think another. It may instead correspond to differences of opinion on the most effective form of political action. For me, seeing the term “gay panic” used to describe something silly that originates from queer people themselves, some enjoyable flustered response upon noticing someone else who is publicly, gloriously queer, saps some of the power of the “gay panic defense” by trivializing the alleged “panic” and by rerouting the associations between the words “gay” and “panic.” This works not because the “gay panic defense” is irrelevant history but because it is powerfully relevant in the present moment. It works not because the violence itself is being trivialized but because the pretense that there’s some legitimate psychological phenomenon justifying that violence is being scoffed at and given exactly the amount of respect it deserves. Furthermore, we don’t wait to reclaim negative terms only after they are no longer in use; we wrest them away from people who hate us and make language our tool to dismantle that hatred. We steal the weapons in the middle of the battle and break them in half.

To sum things up: I do not need you to agree with me. We can be queer people who don’t have the same political strategies. That’s fine. I do think it would be helpful to remember that if some queer people don’t know the history of a violent term, that represents not only a failure of education and/or initiative but also the hopeful possibility that that term, and the violence to which it is linked, looms less large in the consciousness of many queer people. I also think it would be helpful to consider that others may read a post like “don’t use x term” as an opening of the door to a discussion. It’s fine if you are too drained of energy and resources to do the work of educating people, but surely “don’t use x term” is itself an act of educating people that might suggest to readers that you are in fact knowledgeable and prepared to further educate them. Finally, I want to repeat: queer people may disagree amongst themselves about political strategies. In a place like Tumblr, which runs on reblogs, dialogue, and continued interaction between people and ideas, it seems to me that disagreement should generate thoughtful debate, not an immediate pile-on to shut down those who disagree, to literally stop them from saying what you don’t want them to. I do not mean you should put up with homophobia and transphobia. This argument does not apply when Tumblr users are being blatantly, purposely homophobic and transphobic. I mean that when queer folks disagree amongst ourselves on how we use language, the continued use of that language to hash things out is the most useful response.

#cw homophobia #cw transphobia #cw gay panic #gay panic #discourse #queer language #queer politics #thoughtful disagreement in good faith more than welcome

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remazdo · 5 years

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It’s about time I shared this...

On July 3rd I was minding my own business and looking though my Facebook feed, as I am prone to do in times of great boredom, when I stumbled across a news article titled “Trump dismisses need for climate change action: ‘we have the cleanest water we’ve ever had, we have the cleanest air’”. Now normally I do not engage in drama on the internet, I like my quite little corner where I can read and watch everything that is happening, but this time it was different. You see, when it comes to things that have to do with environment, I can feel rather passionate, so I shared and added my own little bit at the top that said

“Cleanest air and water compared to where? Venus? Titan? Flint, Michigan? O___o does anyone know where I can get a copy of these reports?”

I should have known better, I received a few funny comments, and then received the one that prompted the writing of this particular post you are reading now.

“Our Country is one of the cleanest I’ve ever been to. Yes he’s absolutely right if the rest of the world was as clean as America wouldn’t have that problem why don’t you go protest in China”

I was taken aback. It wasn’t that this person wasn’t known to say things like this, it was that I am not accustomed to being the start of or even being a part of such internet drama. I felt something inside myself, something my ancestors probably felt when the faced something they knew was wrong and that something had to be done. The feeling led me to do the one thing I never thought I would, I responded...

“This is very true, and I’m not disputing that fact. I’m actually very glad you brought that up. My point here is that the segregation of countries is causing us to miss other important things. I live in California, and the LA aqueduct drained lake Owens, the dust particles from the now dry lake bed are a carcinogen and particles of that lake have been found in lung cancer patients as far away as Russia.

The point I’m making here is that if one country has bad air, we all have bad air. It doesn’t matter the distance and toxins do not obey borders. Everything in this world is cause and effect, reactions even. If you strike a person in the solar plexus, he will double over. You can then strike him in the face or throat easier because you know where it will be moving. If we stand by as an attacker strikes at us and don’t react then aren’t we giving up? Chemicals, toxins, carcinogens. These are our attacker. By not trying to do something, even if it’s uncomfortable or hard to do, then we are going to be beaten. We need to as a species defend ourselves from the threat. And segregation will only make it harder to do. I’d rather be ready for a fight then pretend one won’t happen.

That being said, I do agree with you that America is one of the more clean countries. I just think it could be cleaner.

also, I want you to know that I’m not trying to upset, I just like a good debate and I love hearing everyone’s side of things. It’s the philosopher in me. I would actually love to talk about this topic further when I’m not heading to work if you are up for it.”

I felt the way I responded would have helped steer my point home, and hopefully prevent the online arguing I am so adverse to...unfortunately that is not how these things tend to go. His response was as follows.

“no debate. It’s liberal fools that destroyed California with open borders. You stated it your self segregation of countries. It’s what keeps out disease. Keeps people safe. You and your ideas are what is killing the American. Dream. Don’t protest here, move to China and do your whining. See how far it gets you.”

The feeling got stronger, I felt like fighting against injustice, standing shoulder to shoulder with my brothers and sisters to save the planet, I heard the ancestors screaming in my ears. I spent the next two days writing a response, but Facebook wouldn’t let me send the whole thing, it was to long. I shared it with two close friends, and they suggested I post it someplace where it may actually do some good, and that leads me to here. I hope you all enjoy the following.

“I really would like to keep this from becoming an argument and keep this strictly scholarly, but I would like to make a few points. The first being that I am not a Democrat, I am republican. But that doesn’t change the fact that I am also a tactician, a science major, and a martial artist. Being those things means a few things. The first of those is that I stand for what the definition of republican means.

Republican: adj.

having the supreme power lying in the body of citizens entitled to vote for officers and representatives responsible to them or characteristic of such government.

I will be adding links below anything in quotations to my sources to allow for citation.

“The core beliefs of the Republican Party are centered on the idea that each person is responsible for their own place within society. The party believes that the government’s role is to enable the people to secure the benefits of society for themselves, their families, and for those who are unable to do so for themselves. Republicans believe in limiting the Government’s intervention in the work of the individual towards prosperity. The government should only intervene when society cannot function at the level of the individual. This also means that the party believes in keeping the government as close to the individual as possible, and should be focused mainly on the state and community level, not centered at a federal level.”

https://www.republicanviews.org/what-is-a-republican-republican-definition/

Now that I believe I have put my political stance in order, let’s move on.

From a tacticians point of view, the only thing we have to loose by repairing the environment is money and time. I would rather prepare for a possible problem and be proactive then pretend it is impossible that it could happen and be reactionary. Preparation is always better then procrastination. To quote Issui Sensei, “During a state of order you should consider and prepare for war and in a time of disorder you should think for the best way to bring about peace.” If you believe we are in a state of order, then you need to be ready for and open to anything that may happen that brings disorder. If you believe we are in a state of disorder, then you shouldn’t be arguing with everyone and should be open to new ideas and thoughts in a hopes to find a way to bring about order again. Anything less then that is ignorance and arrogance.

Next, from a scientific perspective. I am not one that just excepts things blindly, if the president says we have the cleanest air and water, I would like to see the report. That is all. If he said we had the dirtiest water and air, I would want to see the report. The fact is that I don’t just except climate change because. Scientist tells me its real, except it because I myself have done the experiments in my own home and have see the results. I am not excepting the word of someone else, I am excepting my own word on it. That being said, if you could provide me with tangible data that said we are not dooming our species, and it was from a trusted source or from multiple sources, then I would be willing to except it as truth. It really is that simple. If you want to change my mind, it is possible, but you need data, reports, and proof.

Now from a martial artist viewpoint. I think I covered that in my other post, but I will go over it again. If you get into a fight you do everything you can to survive, you punch and kick and bite. It’s my life or theirs. That is what we have here. Not between to people, but between all humans on earth and the threat of extinction. I will fight, and it doesn’t matter where I fight, because no matter how much better America is compared to someone else, it can always be better then its current state. No matter how good you are at fighting, there is always someone better out there, and you can always train harder and be better then yourself. So no matter how good America can be, it can always improve.

Okay, now let’s dissect the “killing the American Dream” statement you made.

The historian James Truslow Adams first defined the American dream in 1931 by saying "The American Dream is that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement." And it is protected in the Declaration of Independence where it says “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Here it clearly says all men, not just Americans. It is an ideal that is meant to be without borders and self evident in all people. If you call yourself American then you have to believe in this common ideal.

https://www.thebalance.com/what-is-the-american-dream-quotes-and-history-3306009

However, we are seeing this ideal being terribly twisted for personal gain and profit. People’s liberties are being taken, and their rights are being infringed upon. The follow pictures in the link below are examples of those rights being infringed upon. If you can look at these people and tell me that you would be able to do what they are and it wouldn’t be against your inalienable rights then my point is moot, because you will have proven to me that this is the normal way all humans should be treated. But if you wouldn’t willing live the way these people are being forced to live, then you will have to agree with me that it isn’t American to do so, and anyone doing this to another person is not only morally bankrupt, but also un-American. “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” “Whatever is hurtful to you, do not do to any other person.” “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I think these words have lost their meaning today. And if you say my thoughts here are liberal brain washing, I would state that these ideals are in fact republican based off of the definition above.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BzOctt1ne_x/?igshid=1c05wg1vwiabz

It is true that people spread diseases, it is also true that animals spread disease as well, especially livestock. So if we are to shut our borders to the world, it would only make sense to provide better regulations to livestock as well. Yet that threat is also being over looked. It’s also important to note that my argument was not against border control, but for the well being of our environment. I know that climate change is real, and not because I saw it on the news, I in fact do not watch the news. All the news is propaganda. All news agencies are owned by the same companies. Instead I do my own research rather then just repeating something that some face on the television told me. If people could just get rid of their personal biases, try to work to helping other people, helping the planet, helping life, then we would have a great America again. But while America spends more money on the prison system then the school system, women’s bodies are seen as property of the state, the melanin content of a persons skin dictates your worth in society, or those in need at the steps of the temple are cast out to die in the streets America will never be as great as it could be, no where near. Nowhere in any of the documents for this country does it ever say that hate and segregation are the way to me things better, it only talks about unification and good will towards all men. And THESE are what it really means to be American, Republican, and human. We should be setting the example, not just ignoring it till it goes away and blaming others for not doing enough. America is supposed to be better then that.”

I would like thank anyone who was able to make it through this lengthy post, it was something I felt I needed to put out there into the world.

#Social #politics #climate change #social change #climate activism #activisim #environmental activism

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olusegundare · 5 years

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Words’ of Faith is Not Positive Thoughts

Introduction

Religionists and non-religionists the world over believe that what one allows one’s heart to dwell so much on would eventually become part and parcel of the person’s life and it will sooner than later define the person. What one repeatedly feeds one’s mind on and remembers would form the major part of the person’s life. Thought is defined by Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary as something you think of or remember; all the idea present in a person’s mind.

If one repeatedly feeds one’s mind on positive things like success, how to be successful, how to make it, how to break new grounds, how to make positive impact in one’s neighborhood and generation, how to do exploits in one’s chosen field or the field that one intends to go to among other things one shall actualize this with time if the person’s life is spared.

This repeated thought in the person’s heart will define the person; it will start influencing the ways and manners of the person.

On the other hand, if the person keeps feeding his or her mind on things that are bad and ugly, evil things, sinful things, failures, setbacks among other terrible thoughts, this will also overtake and silence any good thought that may have been in the person’s mind before and would form the bedrock of the person’s actions and reactions with people in the world.

Faith has been defined by Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary as trust in somebody’s ability or knowledge; it is trust that somebody or something will do what has been promised.

Words of faith therefore are the utterances made base on the trust one has on somebody’s ability or knowledge. Words of faith are the utterances made on the trust that somebody will also do what has been promised. The “somebody” being relied on by those who speak words of faith is God and his Jesus. Words of faith do not rest with the speakers alone, but it solely rests on the one who has promised.

How Words of Faith Come

1. They come through believing in God through Jesus Christ: A person who has not believed in the Lordship of Jesus Christ can barely express the word of faith. Believing in Jesus is pivotal to using and uttering word of faith by anyone whomsoever. Have you believe in Jesus Christ? If you are yet to believe in him, this is yet another opportunity for you to reconsider your stance and give your life to Jesus Christ. You must repent you’re your sins and forsake those sins and ask God to wash you clean from your sins by the blood of Jesus his son.

“Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19)

Do you wish to utter words of faith on situations in life? Then you need to give your life to Jesus Christ.

2. Come through hearing the word of God: words of faith come through your listening to the word of God. The words which are being spoken to you by the disciples of God would help you in building your faith, because it is for that purpose that they have been sent.

“So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” (Romans 10:17)

3. Come through faith in Jesus Christ: when you believe on him, Jesus Christ, you will know that what he has promised he will do.

“For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.” (Romans 10:11)

4. Come through reading the scriptures: those who read the scriptures know the mind of God and would be able to speak the word of faith without wavering in their hearts.

“Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.” (John 5:39)

5. Come through seeing God in action: when you see someone in action you will be convinced either to continue to trust in him or not. Elisha having seen God in action when following his mentor, Prophet Elijah, this gives him faith in the Lord when returning and he could use the word of faith coupled with what was on him to cross river Jordan.

“He took up also the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and went back, and stood by the bank of Jordan;

“And he took the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and smote the waters, and said, Where is the Lord God of Elijah? and when he also had smitten the waters, they parted hither and thither: and Elisha went over.” (2 Kings 2: 13-14)

6. Come through having biblical supports (or backups) to your utterances: Prophet Elijah using biblical supports could offer acceptable sacrifice to the Lord which the prophets of Baal cannot do.

“And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the Lord that was broken down.

“And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, unto whom the word of the Lord came, saying, Israel shall be thy name:

“And with the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord: and he made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two measures of seed.” (1 Kings 18:30-32)

When you have biblical supports to what you are doing then you will be able utter the words of faith with utmost confidence in him, knowing he cannot deny himself.

7. Come through believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ: this is pivot to using the word of faith today. Believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the fulcrum on which the words of faith stand.

“And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.” (Acts 8:37)

8. Come through in the efficacy and potency of the blood of Jesus Christ: Some may say that the blood of Jesus has neither efficacy nor potency because they have not experienced terrible things (arrows of the wicked ones) from the demons but those who have received terrible arrows from demons and who after calling on the blood of Jesus have seen God in action in their lives and on the situation know that the blood of Jesus has power to heal, overcome and silence the devil quenching the darts and arrows of the enemies.

“In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:14)

How Thoughts Come

The followings show some of the ways which thought come

I. Through hearing: what one hears repeatedly will be continuously recycled in one’s mind, therefore, the author of the book of proverbs says,

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” (Prov. 4:23)

II. Through seeing: eyes are vital organ in the body and on the formation of thought. Some children have become morally bankrupt children in the society because of what they have been seeing their parents or elder ones do. They have by this considered such ways of life to be normal in life. In the Yoruba mythology, it is believed that when a king dies, the chief servant on seeing the king’s death would also kill himself. This happened to the chief servant of the first king in Israel, when he sees that King Saul has died he also killed himself.

“Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it.

“And when his armour bearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.” (1 Sam. 31: 4-5)

III. Through Experience: experience is defined as the things that have happened to you that influence the way you think and behave. What has happened to people in the world have a way of influencing their thoughts either positively or negatively. A lady who has given her whole heart to a guy for long but who continues to cheat on her which leads to their break-up. This would affect the lady’s thought of becoming involved with other men, for she would be thinking that is how all men are. Her thought has been negatively influenced by what she has passed through.

IV. Through Disappointments: disappoint is failing to satisfy the hope or desire or expectation of someone on something. When someone meets with disappointments severally one’s thought would be formed through that means.

V. Through Reading: there are so many books all over the world which encourages positive thought, taking one’s mind off negative thought to be able to achieve something one desires in life. When one reads continuously these kinds of books it is certain that with time such would become part and parcel of the person’s life and ways of thought and reasoning. When this happens there is every tendency that some people will begin to misconstrue this to mean it is words of faith. Through what was read to king Herod when Jesus was begotten he could form his opinion against the child that was begotten.

“And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born.

“And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judaea: for thus it is written by the prophet,

“And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel.” (Matt. 2: 4-6)

Daniel through what has been written by Prophet Jeremiah he knew the time for Israel’s yea Judah’s deliverance was nigh and his orientation was changed, his thought changed. (Daniel 9)

VI. Through Parental Influence: it is a well known fact that the first point of contact for children to learn from is their parents or foster parents. Parents have lots of influence in thought formation in the lives of their children. In the Holy Bible we read of how Timothy’s grandmother and his mother influenced him in this way of faith.

“When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” (2 Tim. 1:5)

VII. Through Peer Groups Influence: peer is someone in the same rank as another person. These people do have enormous influence on one another. One critical example in the bible was the incident recorded in the book of second Samuel chapter 13. Jonadab the friend of Amnon, King David’s son, influenced Amnon negatively by teaching him how he would have carnal knowledge of his step sister.

“And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.

“And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her.

“But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.

“And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister.

“And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.

“So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand.

“ Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon's house, and dress him meat.

“So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes.

“And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him.

“And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.

“And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.

“And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.

“And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee.

“Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.

“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.” (2 Sam. 13: 1-15)

So many people have had their thoughts eroded, corrupted through the friends they keep.

Those it Has Defined Their Lives

Those Who Positive Thoughts Have Defined Their Lives: the numbers of people whose lives have been influenced by positive thoughts are many and that is why some people misconstrue positive thoughts to be the same thing with uttering the words of faith.

Children psychologists have researched into why the actions-reactions of some children are as they are, why their interactions and relationships with people be as it is and they discovered that the words those children listen to when they were kids, what they watch and how their parents and elder siblings react to them are some of the foundation laying stones upon which their actions are formed such that it becomes extremely difficult if not near impossible for many after forming this to change their ways of lives later in life.

Some scientists have used positive thought to attain their goals in life and because some of them bear the name that could be found in the bible some people have thought those people must be Christians but being in oblivion that they were not. As such some people, preachers will be using their words as illustration claiming that they were Christians like us and could be emulated. They however failed to know that those people use positive thoughts to attain their goals in life which could be seen all over the word to be real at the moment because unbelievers too do use positive thoughts to attain their goals in life. God is not a discriminatory God, he has given unto us all some things free which only needs our assessment irrespective of whether the person is a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ or nay.

“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matt. 5:45)

Some things God has given freely to all and that is the power of thought. God did not take it off anyone who lives in the earth and that is why he has not enforced anyone to become saved, he wants anyone who will be saved to willingly do that, to do that out of his or her own volition but not as if the person has been forced to do that.

Many discoveries have been made in the world which is through positive thoughts of those people despite being unbelievers in Jesus. In the same vein is “dream”, physiologists and neurologists believe that dream is a part of life, and that sometimes if one has not dreamt one will be drowsy in the morning such that the person would want to go back to bed again.

As God has not denied people of the world right to dream and through which the supernatural does talk and interact with the people of the world so has he not deny all in the world the right to thoughts either positive or negative.

The scientists and some of those who have special discoveries in the world on meeting with some brick-walls on what they wanted to do will start using the power of the positive thought to keep themselves up and going and with time it has been proved times without numbers that such positive thoughts do work for them such that what they have in mind achieving they will achieve it.

There is a saying that “if you can imagine it (reason it or think about it) you can achieve it but this is only true for those who use positive thought it is not applicable in the words of faith.

Those Who Words of Faith Have Defined Their Lives: there are ample of people in the world whom words of faith’s utterance have defined their lives. These kinds of people achieved what no one can imagine through the words of faith they uttered.

No one could have thought that the axe that fell into the river would float again but through the word of faith uttered by Prophet Elisha this happened.

“And the sons of the prophets said unto Elisha, Behold now, the place where we dwell with thee is too strait for us.

‘Let us go, we pray thee, unto Jordan, and take thence every man a beam, and let us make us a place there, where we may dwell. And he answered, Go ye.

“And one said, Be content, I pray thee, and go with thy servants. And he answered, I will go.

“So he went with them. And when they came to Jordan, they cut down wood.

“But as one was felling a beam, the axe head fell into the water: and he cried, and said, Alas, master! for it was borrowed.

“Therefore said he, Take it up to thee. And he put out his hand, and took it.” (2 Kings 6: 1-7)

Hardly could it come to the mind of anyone in the world that someone who has stopped menstruating could still give birth to a child again, but this happened to Sarah the wife of father Abraham. It was when the woman was 89 years old that she took in and when she was ninety years old she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.

“Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?” (Gen. 17:17)

“And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.” (Gen. 21:5)

This was written to show that positive thought could not achieve this except the word of faith that has been spoken to their lives by the visitor they received earlier.

“And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.

“Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.

“Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?

“And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?

“Is any thing too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.” (Gen. 18: 10-14)

This word in the above verse eleven that, “and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.” Shows that she has stopped menstruation and that was part of the reason why she laughed that could this be possible? It is the eggs that are released by the ova from the fallopian tubes that would be fertilized by the sperm that entered the uterus of the woman but when the eggs have ceased to be released what would the sperm fertilize? Think about it for a second, when a tap stops running how would you collect water from the tap? How would the people of the house drink from the tap that has ceased to flow? How would someone who has entered the bathroom turn on the tap to take his shower? This would not be possible. Such was the case with matriarch Sarah, her tap has stopped to flow but yet the words of faith says she should not look to the tap that has ceased to flow but to rather look unto him who hath promised and who shall make do of what has been promised. She and her hubby shifted their hearts off the physical, off the status of the woman and they continued to utter the words of faith on their situation and the situation changed and she gave birth to a male child through whom the generations of people were and are blessed.

No positive thought would have stopped sun and moon from movement but the words of faith stopped them until the people of God could perform their enterprise on the enemies of God.

“Then spake Joshua to the Lord in the day when the Lord delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon.

“And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.” (Josh. 10: 12-13)

What Thoughts Deal with: Thought has to do with people’s minds, the capacity to which the mind can go as well as achieve things. Therefore, it is said what can be thought about could be achieved, but this is not so with words of faith.

What Words of Faith Deals With: Words of faith on the other hand does not rest with the person, words of faith is relying on the obtained promises of the one who promised. The words of faith are being said repeatedly or otherwise based on the person’s reliance on the knowledge she or he has with the one who promised that the person will surely do that which he has spoken to the person about. The person being relied upon here is God.

Words of faith again do not come from man’s repeated thoughts alone, they come through reliance on Jesus Christ, he is the one who brought salvation into the world and faith in his name. A word of faith’s fulcrum is Jesus Christ. If this fulcrum is removed as it is absent in the positive thoughts it will become ordinary words, just some other words that can be spoken by anyone.

Who Uses What?

Believers in the Lord Jesus Christ use words of faith while those who do not believe in Jesus Christ use positive thought. They may call it power of the positive thinking which has no direct association with the words of faith in Jesus, as it could be used by anyone even those who do not believe in anything in the world.

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michaelfftv · 7 years

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I may have fucked up my life and it’s all Bill Murray’s fault. I know it’s fashionable to blame Donald Trump for everything these days- and that trend will undoubtedly continue to grow, but, to be blunt, I don’t worry about Trump.

I mean I certainly understand that I’m going to suffer some terrible repercussions from his election, but at this point, it’s water under the bridge. I did my best to keep him from being elected, but the stupid, greedy, sleazy, immoral and apathetic people won and now we can all suffer the consequences. So fucking be it.

Which doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on life. I’m certainly not going to dress in sack cloth and ashes and bemoan my life or the stupidity, immorality, greed or sleaziness of the people who elected Trump and his pack of shit brained fools. That would be a waste of my valuable and precious life, and besides, karma is going to go pitbull and tear the throat out of those greasy shitbags soon enough.

No, it turns out that even after Trump was elected, the sun came up and the wind blew through the trees. I woke up breathing pretty much like any other day and was forced to decide what I would do with that day. and by extension, what I would do with the next week, month year and remainder of my life.

It’s obviously a decision each of us makes every day- either consciously or by default. And just because an alleged pedephile with the IQ of dog sperm is running the country, doesn’t mean that we have to pack it all end. It’s not game set and match.

So what next? That is again, obviously, dependent upon who you are and what you believe. If you believe in God, arguably it doesn’t matter which path you take, because he’s got your back no matter where you go. As God was alleged to have said in the Book of Genesis- as rewritten by King James, “And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.”

Which- if you are a person of faith, pretty damn sweet. However (long dramatic pause)…. not all of us can rustle up that kind of blind faith no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we would like to be comforted by by said alleged god.

Which pretty much leaves me and ye of little faith standing on the side of the road, looking far into the distant and hazy horizon thinking, “well, what next?”? Or, as Jack Kerouac said, in cribbing the Lord: “Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car at night?”

To be clear and as truthful as possible in this post truth society, I don’t have a car, let alone a shiny car, but I do have a dusty, dinged up bright red pick up truck, which brings me back to Bill Murray being an asshole.

My thought at this point is that I should pack up my bright red pick up- or at the least jump on a train- and- as Huck Finn would have it- head out for the territories. Which is pretty much what I have always done.

For my own personal life narrative goes something like this: I believe that we’re born and we die and that I can’t do a damn thing about either of these conditions, but as the great sage Eddie Vedder once said, “I know I was born and I know that I’ll die, the in between is mine.”

Which brings us to the parable of the grasshopper and the ant.

THE ANT AND THE CRICKET

During the wintertime, an ant was living off the grain that he had stored up for himself during the summer. The cricket came to the ant and asked him to share some of his grain. The ant said to the cricket, ‘And what were you doing all summer long, since you weren’t gathering grain to eat?’ The cricket replied, ‘Because I was busy singing I didn’t have time for the harvest.’ The ant laughed at the cricket’s reply, and hid his heaps of grain deeper in the ground. ‘Since you sang like a fool in the summer,’ said the ant, ‘you better be prepared to dance the winter away!’ This fable depicts lazy, careless people who indulge in foolish pastimes, and therefore lose out.

This was, of course, a favorite parable of the nuns who raised me and every CEO who ever wanted to harness my energy, at minimal pay so that he might enrich his own personal coffers. The ant represents all the good boys and girls.

The cricket, of course represents all those artists and bad boys and general near do wells you so admire but never emulate in life. Those who go through life starving and scraping by and acting irresponsibly so that might, you know, enjoy life now instead of waiting till they’re nearly dead and/or in heaven- which may or may not exist.

Most of us struggle with this dichotomy. I myself spent a large part of my being a good ant. I worked for a large insurance company- and was fantastically underpaid by said wealthy company for a long time.

I also worked for myself. And even though I was calling the shots, I worked- for a very long time as an even more industrious ant. I worked my ass off and rendered unto Caesar and tried to be fair unto everyone- until it because very clear that the whole ant thing was a very large con game.

In writing of man’s need for certainity, conformity Maria Konnikova in her work The Confidence Game: What Con Artists Reveal About the Psychology of Trust and Why Even the Most Rational of Us Are Susceptible to Deception, writes that:

Human beings don’t like to exist in a state of uncertainty or ambiguity. When something doesn’t make sense, we want to supply the missing link. When we don’t understand what or why or how something happened, we want to find the explanation..

Which is why man- as a whole, is so gullible. Man and women will believe damn near anything- no matter how ridiculous the explanation, so long as the explanation serves to calm their anxious soul, serves to smooth their furrowed brow.

Oh my, we’ve stumbled into Donald Trump Territory again haven’t we.

But then it’s always been a con game. Sort of like the Plantation owners reading verses to the slaves so as to justify their enslavement. “Colossians 3:22:Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.”

Sort of like when the banksters bankrupted America in 2008 and the government bailed them out and left the vast majority of us hanging…..

All of which is actually beside the point. Because if the question is, should one check out of society and chose to live a simple life rather than live as a rat on a treadmill counting the days till his or her first heart attack, then the answer is simple.

We should all check out and do whatever in the hell makes us happy and fuck our governmental and corporate masters.

But life never is that simple is it? Because it’s never about just us is it?

We want to believe we are the star of the show, that we are a rugged individualists. We buy wholesale into the saw that America is the land of the individual. As one writer would have it in outlining the common trope known as the rugged American, “America has been the land of the individual, and most Americans have thought of themselves as individualists. We still speak favorably of individual rights, individual initiative, individual responsibility, individual opportunity, and individual achievement.”

Which, of course is why, “the American criminal justice system holds more than 2.3 million people in 1,719 state prisons, 102 federal prisons, 942 juvenile correctional facilities, 3,283 local jails, and 79 Indian Country jails as well as in military prisons, immigration detention facilities, civil commitment centers, and prisons in the U.S. territories,” because we are the freest people in the entire solar system.”

No, the truth is that we are a nation of conformists and we hate people who go their own way. We claim to admire them, but our entire society is constructed to keep people in line because man is a conformist and American’s are no different The government is not an expression of our ideals, but an institution we have created to generate the illusion of safety we require to sleep through long winter nights. It’s in our nature, our DNA. We are programed to conform because there is safety in conformity and profit, or so most Americans actually believe.

I trust that you appreciate that the above tale of the cricket and the ant is from Aesop’s Fables . And do you know what I learned this day from my research? Aesop was a slave. “a slave and storyteller believed to have lived in ancient Greece between 620 and 564 BCE.”

Of course there have always been those who- no matter what the odds, decide to go their own way-buck the system. They gain their freedom through cunning, wit or sheer determination. Aesops, for instance, was such a man.

While Aesops served as a slave under not one, but two masters, named, Xanthus and Iadmon, “the later gave him his freedom as a reward for his wit and intelligence. As a freedman he supposedly became involved in public affairs and traveled a lot—telling his fables along the way. King Croesus of Lydia was so impressed with Aesop that he offered him residency and a job at his court.”

In fact there are scholars who maintain that the fables served as both morality tales and as a means of subversive, hidden speech, a means of speaking truth to the power during times of political repression.

Of course, playing both ends against the middle can always be a tricky thing- as evidenced by the fact that Aesop was executed, apparently as an act of appeasement to the gods or some offended government….

Such lessons have always been lost on some throughout history. There have always been those who, despite history’s lessons, take to the open road nevertheless. They go in search of wisdom, riches, fame and enlightenment-satori. Some go because they simply cannot stand not to go: Melville famously wrote in Moby Dick.

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

Indeed. Is it possible to say that you have lived until you have obeyed the urge to flee? Those who have quietly taken to ship comprise a respectable society- if not a large one.

One such kindred spirit was W. Somerset Maugham, who in 1944 published, the Razor’s Edge- which was twice made into a movie. The lead in the second movie, filmed in 1984, was, of course, played by Bill Murray in a rare early dramatic role.

The Razor’s Edge epigraph reads, “The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard.” In paraphrasing this epigraph- taken from the Katha-Upanishad- Maugham says of the mendicant seeking enlightenment, “Its a toss-up when you decide to leave the beaten track. Many are called, few are chosen.”

The actual quotation is “Arise, awake, and learn by approaching the exalted ones, for that path is sharp as a razor’s edge, impassable, and hard to go by, say the wise.“

Which is a release and relief when you read it.

As Americans we think that we’re entitled to whatever we want when we want. We’re then shocked and angered when things turn against us. If, however, we’re smart enough to head out on the road knowing that freedom is a motherfucker, then we can adjust our expectations accordingly; put on our game face, bring our A game.

The Razor’s Edge tells the story of Larry Darrell, an American pilot traumatised by his experiences in World War I, who sets off in search of some transcendent meaning in his life. … His rejection of conventional life and search for meaningful experience allows him to thrive while the more materialistic characters suffer reversals of fortune.

The book, it is said, owes much to Maugham’s Asian walkabout. His travels allegedly included a visits to Shri Ramana Maharishi’s ashram in 1938. Maugham, some say, foresaw the West’s fascination for Eastern culture—which would not reach its zenith until some two decades later.

***

I have known many crickets in my life. Some I have known personally, and others I have met through their stories and other works of art.

Many of the crickets I have known are well known, the usual suspects. The Beats, the Transcendentalists, Thoreau, the rock stars of my youth prior to rock and roll being co-opted by Madison Ave and tied to every roll of toilet paper sold in America….

And, of course, there was Joseph Campbell. The man who after reading tales of hero quests in countless cultures throughout time, encapsulated those tales in a common template which serves as the basis for nearly every tale of bravery and conquest ever written by man, or filmed by Hollywood.

I love Campbell’s explanation of the hero-quest, the hero leaves the safety of his society- normally after being ostracized or failing to conform with his society. The hero then goes out into the world where- by engaging in battles and trials, he gains wisdom. Ultimately, she or he returns home to his society bearing hard earned gifts and wisdom which benefit the society.

To Campbell, the cricket is a hero, not a slacker.Maugham as well:“You see, money to you means freedom; to me it means bondage.”

But of all the crickets I have ever met- for whatever reason- none have suckered me as badly as Bill Murray’s portrayal of Larry Darrell in the Razor’s edge. I have seen both movies and read the novel. For whatever reason, the 1984 movie and Murray’s appearance live in my head.

And I went many places and had may adventures and arguably have gained some wisdom. But I am alo now faced with the question- should I go back, can I go back. Is it too late, after spurning all appearance- for the twenty years or so, of a normal life, is it possible to go back and hide heaps of grain deeper in the ground?

Because here’s the problem. Early on in your life you’re going to make the choice to be an ant or a cricket- either consciously or by default or through inertia and apathy. What no one will tell you though is that there comes a point in time- far sooner than you will appreciate, when you can no longer go back.

And so I went, for years, for decades. And winter now approaches. Larry Darrell: “It’s easy to be a holy man on top of a mountain.” Which is true enough. It’s also a very tough gig to be a holy man in America, in Milford Ohio, in 2017.

Maugham’s hero aso says that, “I found out there’s another debt to pay – for the privilege of being alive.” I’ve been chewing on that for a long time now. Do we owe for our birth? Do we owe to others? To whom and what?

Specifically, in my case- what do I owe to my sons, especially my schizophrenic sons. Do I work every minute for the rest of my life to help provide for them- or do I still owe myself a life? Is there a balance, and if so where is the line and who gets to draw it? Me, them, the church, the government?

Maugham: “Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy.”

Which, at the end of the day doesn’t really answer the question. Which is too bad, because I don’t have the answer either. Which is really too bad- because I very much need the answer. Because if it isn’t too late, it’s getting close to too late for me.

All I know for certain is that if there is an answer out there, it lies on the road. If I have learned nothing I have learned that there is no wisdom and objectivity like the wisdom of the road.

I know there are also wise men and women out there. So I’ll go in search of both and I’m no coming back until I have the answers I need. I know there answers I need and the people I need to meet are out there. Again, as Maugham has written; “Almost all the people who’ve had the most effect on me I seem to have met by chance, yet looking back it seems as though I couldn’t but have met them.”

So I go. I go to speak to the road, to speak with cranes and eagles and geese and deer and wise men and wise women and holy men and we shall see. Most of all I’m going because I can- I know I owe myself that.

“I don’t think I shall ever find peace till I make up my mind about things,’ he said gravely. He hesitated. ‘It’s very difficult to put into words. The moment you try you feel embarrassed. You say to yourself: “Who am I that I should bother myself about this, that, and the other? Perhaps it’s only because I’m a conceited prig. Wouldn’t it be better to follow the beaten track and let what’s coming to you come?” And then you think of a fellow who an hour before was full of life and fun,and he’s lying dead; it’s all so cruel and meaningless. It’s hard not to ask yourself what life is all about and whether there’s any sense to it or whether it’s all a tragic blunder of blind fate.”

And so I go and I’m not coming back until I have answers. Maybe not the answer, but answers that let me sleep at night. I’ll see you then. Maybe I’m a fool, maybe not.

It’s interesting to note that after the Razor’s Edge and flying home from Nepal to do Ghost Busters; which was Murray’s price- his tradeoff- for being able to make TRE- he quit acting for four years and moved his family to Paris. He studied philosophy at the Sorbonne.

Maybe in the end, the only true suckers are those who never take the time to seriously ask themselves what this life is about. Maybe those are the people who need to comfort themselves with self serving parables.

Maybe I’m insane. Time will tell. More later.

Questions Pt. 1 (or, Bill Murray Is An Asshole). I may have fucked up my life and it's all Bill Murray's fault. I know it's fashionable to blame Donald Trump for everything these days- and that trend will undoubtedly continue to grow, but, to be blunt, I don't worry about Trump.

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