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lazaruspiss · 9 months

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Ok I’m gonna shoot my question here while you are in a analysis red hood mode (??): what do you think about his mommy issues (and fandom’s making it a trope)?

ooooo oh ok ok. this ones touchy. while i dont think its that present in canon i do think its there and worth the however many fics there are about it. like obvi theres probably a lot of boring and/or bad takes about it but the concept itself isnt running contradictory to canon or anything. i reread aditf a bit for this and had some tangents ill put in another post, but back to mommy issues.

jason had very little parental presence in his life at all. dads in prison, moms sick, he has no one looking out for him. probably why he and bruce seem to have bonded fairly quickly and jason accepted him as a father figure faster than any of the others. jasons bar for what makes a decent parent was nonexistent bc hed never really had someone dedicated to taking care of him. (even damian was hesitant, bc bruce being his dad would create distance between him and dick bc dick would no longer be his mentor, and hed gotten a bit attached)

jason accepted bruce as a father, but still missed his parents. he loved and grieved for both of them and most likely missed the idea of having normal parents in general in addition to missing his parents themselves. his love for his mom is still there when he realizes shes his step-mom instead, but it's accompanied by the hope that he still has living family out there.

the fact that jason went on a mom hunt in the first place is already enough that im like, yeah, i see where the mommy issues talk comes from. but i think you can go a few different directions with it

so theres catherine todd, who we only really know as being sick and a substance user throughout jasons childhood up until her death. iirc she died while willis was either already dead or in prison and so theres a period of time where jason (10-12ish?) would be taking care of his mother alone. being your mother's caretaker when you're still in elementary school does not make for a normal relationship.

and sheila haywood was uh. an illegal surgeon of sorts who fled the country and started a new life. apparently had an existing connection to the joker when she lived in gotham. he knows who she is and he knows how to blackmail her. while sheila describes it to jason as an operation gone wrong, joker calls it an "illegal surgery that killed a teenage girl" and sheila didnt seem to dispute that. probably watered down a lot of details in her explanation to jason. (the combination of 'illegal' and 'teenage girl' feels like it could imply an abortion? but it's left vague) and THEN it turns out she was stealing money meant to be used to save starving refugees before the joker even showed up. she sure is something. she still tries to help jason after he helps her, but don't skip over the part where she helps him after he helps her. she is still a person, but she is a fundamentally selfish person in every way. her final words include her commenting on how jason was a good kid who loved his mother. ive seen people take her final moments as a show that she still loved him, but i don't see it. one of those "a person doing a fraction of a good thing doesnt absolve them of everything else" kind of deals.

in both cases jasons mother(s) were relying on him. he never had an opportunity to be cared for and treated like a child. i don't think jason would have specific "mommy issues" about either of them, i think that he'd have some heavy feelings about the concept of a mother itself. what's it like to have a mom? does he still have a chance to be cared for and nurtured? his childhood was over before he had even met batman. becoming robin and being murdered is just tripling the issues he would've already had about his childhood regardless.

this is starting to veer off topic but

yes im finding a way to make this about Brothers in Blood. bite me. but even the first time i read this something that really stuck out is how jasons imaginary version of dick refers to him as a kid. dick doesnt really... do that. he did back when jason really was a kid, but this page says a lot about jasons self perception. he still wants to be taken care of, even if its not specifically "mommy issues" he definitely yearns for a chance to be treated like a kid again, after having rarely gotten that kind of care when he was a kid. (this page in particular is the first page of nightwing (1996) #121, which is one that i have a physical copy of <3)

#asks #anon #jason todd

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magicalgirlagency · 4 months

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Whats your thoughts on Mami Tomoe in general? I dont like PMMM but Mami does interest me alot as a character concept: a veteran MG who took other, younger MGs under her wings to guide them; whom sees enough shits in her time that shes gone somewhat unstable but keep up a facade of cheerfulness to comfort her students. Im intending to create a character using this concept as well.

I wanted my character to have her Happy Ending - the rest of her younger teammates as well. I think it'd be rather ironic to base her on a dark MG while she belongs to a lighhearted Magical girl story. Shes still in a vague designing state, with a concept and some basic traits and backstory. I wanted to her to be a MG veteran who saw some serious shits during her younger days too, but with help from her mascot (who is not the bad guy in this story) and eventually the MGs whom shes teaching, shes healing from her past traumas and is on the road to a beautiful future.

I know there are other MGs from other shows that are good mentors for their team, but weirdly enough Mami was the first one who introduce me to this concept (PMMM was also the one to introduce me to the Maho Shojo gerne, but I dont like it so I evetually follow Pretty Cure instead, best choice ive ever made) so shes the one I pick to base my character on. Mostly for the ironic part.

I absolutely adore her. I even had a sideblog entirely dedicated to her back when this account got temporarily deleted, just to have any idea of how much I loved her. Heck, one of my self-inserts was inspired by her, too.

One of the many reasons why I love Mami could dial back to Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon's Kino Makoto/Sailor Jupiter. A strong yet sensitive girl who has lost her parents on a tragic accident and now craves the feeling of a family with the friends she makes.

Mami is indeed a fascinating character herself, and I think her death, while understandably haunting the narrative afterwards at least, was very disrespectful (she died in the span of ONE episode! Right after she debuted!) and the jokes that were relentlessly cracked by everyone and their mother for 10+ years are not funny at all.

Imagine if I were to crack jokes about Flapjack's death. You guys wouldn't like them, would you?

No, you guys wouldn't like them. It'd be cruel and done in bad taste.

Anyways, back to Mami...

She's the cool and experienced onee-san/senpai type of character, approachable and friendly; she's skilled and graceful, plus with an epic theme tune to boot. Of course, her calm and collected persona is just a mask that hides how terribly lonesome and scared she is. To quote Bebe in The Rebellion Story:

"Mami is a real crybaby. She gets lonely super-easy; I know, I know."

Homura's description is more in-depth, though:

"She would always put on a strong front and push herself too hard, despite having the softest heart of any of us."

This vulnerability of hers is more explored in Magia Record, though. She joins the Wings of Magius so she could help in finding a cause to save her friends from despairing and becoming Witches, as she feels guilty for dragging them into such a hostile world.

Except that the WoM's methods were very cultish, thus causing her to be brainwashed and used as a puppet, distance herself from the ones she was supposed to guide and protect, and when she'd be challenged by outsiders, she'd quickly lose her cool.

Turns out that no matter the timeline/universe, Tomoe Mami will always be the first one to crack at the revelation.

And I like that, because it makes her morally grey, which it's something quite rare in the Magical Girl genre. She wants to save her friends, but she has participated in dangerously unorthodox methods to achieve such an end.

Anyways, I've been rambling about Mami for too long, that I've forgotten your concept. Sorry! Your idea is amazing! My followers having galaxy-brained suggestions, as always!

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gwilin-stay-winnin · 1 year

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Gwilin of the Day: "In The Moment" Gwilin

Today's Gwilin of the day is brought to you by: raunchyandpaunchy on ao3!

A Rielle in Tamriel [Chapter 15]

Published: Sep 20, 2018

Rated: Mature (general rating for all the vignettes)

Length: ~2250 words

Featuring: Fem. OC

Set in: Riften

REVIEW

Playful. In one word, that is this story. And though I did not like the song the author says they named this installment of their series of quirky vignettes after (not my cup of tea), I very much did like the story itself (so my cup of tea)!

For starters, this Gwilin is late to meeting the author's OC, Nadine, at the market because he was given a very naughty wake-up call at the Ragged Flagon, and when she lightheartedly calls him out on it, he is quick to blush. Now, you all know I am not immune to Gwilin blushing propaganda, so my mind was forthwith nestled comfortably in the Gwilin Realm, ready to delve into another undiscovered facet of the Bosmer who, for all intents and purposes, I consider to be the main character of The Elder Scrolls series.

Following some pleasantries, they head to a tattoo parlor. There, they both falter at the sight of the Orc lady who is to pierce Gwilin's ear and tattoo Nadine's ribs (they find her hot in a way only two bi icons can). I really enjoyed the way this Gwilin and Nadine played off each other; they are each other's rock while they brave the pokes and the pricks of the attractive Orc.

The slightly coquettish –yet distinctly familiar– exchanges between them continue as they head into The Bee and Barb for some drinks. This Gwilin's carefree attitude comes to the forefront while they do, manifesting as a sort of puckish charm that carries each of his colorful comments. However, he's not wholly uninhibited, evidenced by the way he takes a moment to let Nadine know, with all-too-endearing seriousness, that he hopes a comment he'd made while she was getting tattooed did not offend her. Of course, it had not, for it was said in good faith, and it was said by Gwilin.

When Brynjolf joins them near the end of the story, near the end of a good night spent drinking with a good friend, he says it best: "Ah, to be young again." I get a sense that the youthful spirit the author imparted on this Gwilin will only be enhanced with age.

Moment that my mind chose to fixate on: Are you kidding me??? He audibly gasped when he saw the hot Orc lady??? Ugh. He's perfect. I'd kill and die for him, but he'd never let me. Also, Gwilin gripping the edges of his seat while he gets his ear pierced = head empty no thoughts.

I. Compellingness

I loved seeing a little snark and spark from this Gwilin! When he says "Okay, Pa" at Brynjolf's suggestion that they make their next drink their last, it just made me get to thinking about all the hijinks he must've gotten into when he was younger, and all the subtle slights his parents must've put up with when he was feeling vaguely rebellious. He stands out from the other Gwilins in this way. 9/10

II. Swagger

This Gwilin has an edgy charisma about him, being equal parts coy and cheekily confident. Certainly one of the more swag-filled Gwilins. 8/10

III. Talent

Nothing explicitly noted, but if you've ever tried to braid flowers into your hair and get them to stay put, as he does in the story, you know this is no easy task. 8/10

IV. Backstory

That "Okay, Pa" did a lot of heavy lifting for this metric, in my opinion. It's a pretty short story, so I gotta go easy here. 7/10

V. Pleasure of Reading

Oh, boy, a vignette! I love me a good vignette.

This author is excellent at crafting the details of a story. I get the sense they build most of their plots starting from an idea such as a particular feeling, an interesting image, or a character's reaction to something, and then they build from there. And they more than deliver in illustrating those concepts.

However, in my estimation, the big picture can sometimes get put on the back burner, resulting in the events of the story feeling compartmentalized. By which I mean, you can tell the author's focus is on getting from point A to point B, on putting together those events that dot the story like fine jewels on a crown, and so the transitions can feel more like a leap than a walk.

But that is small potatoes compared to the skill with which the author carries you into the most essential parts of a story and makes you feel within them. Nothing more important for a story to do than evoke like this, really. 8/10

VI. Horniness

The way Gwilin commiserates with Nadine about the Orc lady? So precious. So goofy and fun. So horny. 10/10

Final Tally

autistic ass

gives this Gwilin an 8/10!

#gotd #8/10 #oneperf #gwilin #tes

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advancedpottery217x2 · 1 year

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風景はせはしく明滅し続ける世界の考察について

You can let other people get into the details of the art philosophy discussions and the Naoya/Kei relationship in Sakura no Toki because there will be none of that here. Instead I will talk about one aspect of the game that really elevated it for me and how it made me realize something I love about Tokyo 7th Sisters and other media.

I will tell you right now that I did not expect to enjoy Sakutoki as much as I did. While I did enjoy certain parts of Subarashiki Hibi and Sakura no Uta, there was a lot of stuff to get through before I could feel that way. In that regard Toki hit me like a truck with how much more consistently I found myself thinking it was good, although I will never forgive the scene in Chapter III where Nei declares Mizusu Kei’s murderer and the latter rushes outside where Naoya finds her... trying to pet a cat.

I largely attribute this to how the concept of 刻 is embodied in the game’s atmosphere. On the most basic level, this is natural due to the game continuing the 10 year time skip that happened in Sakuuta Chapter VI. But what really enchanted me was the atmosphere, the ロマン imbued in the very passing of time. This would not have been possible without the foundations of 因果的交流電燈 that were built back in Sakuuta. In that regard between Sakuuta and Sakutoki, I felt the latter to be more of a “main” game. The glimpses shown in Sakuuta VI were more than enough to attune my sensors to it in Sakutoki and eventually find a way to put a concept I had brewed in my head for a long time into words.

This revelation first came in the scene in IV with Kei and Kenichirou on the bike. This scene is also a homage and origin really of the same scene in III with Mizusu and Naoya. I did find that scene fascinating as well but it really hit the second time around due to it taking place after Kenichirou discussing the link between mind and body, as well as the interaction of memory and the self. This was probably also something in Subahibi but I forgot most of that. So with that on the brain, the two of them set off, playing loud rock music as they watch the passing scenery. The term 流れるもの達 comes up again. Both the passing scenery and the music disappear beyond the horizon, making way for new sights, newly visible instants in the field of vision. In that moment my brain formed the connection between having 地続きfor things both visible and not:

時間経過(=連続性があること) + ロマン = 刻

Like all of the concepts swirling around in my brain, it is extremely vague. It’s the notion of cause and effect both realized and subconscious in everyday life and the strength of affections. Having time pass and characters reminisce about the past is not enough by itself. It’s not just talking about ossan things and growing older. Ideas passed from one person or generation to the next is something I would consider to very closely grasp the concept of 刻, but even then there is a measurable gap.These can be the most recognizable forms, but this is a not all rectangles are squares situation. ロマン is a critical factor but it is also much harder to pinpoint. I intend on expanding on this on a future post.

In Sakuuta, two of the scenes that got me the closest to crying were the Kenichirou epitaphs scene and in VI when Makoto makes her first reappearance and headlocks Naoya and Sakurako goes on about the legendary Yumihari art club those two participated in even though Naoya avoided ever talking about it in detail up until that point. つまりそういうものだぞ。（説明になってない）

In the case of Sakutoki, I felt it the most with Mizusu never telling Naoya the identity of her 師匠 while going on about their influence on her while Naoya notices in a brief moment in V, Naoya and Makoto being very casual during the majority of her route while having the last scene maintain that and have a proposal, and of course the evolution of the relationship between Naoya and Ai. The Gauguin quote and its relation to 春の大曲線 is a runner up. It’s absolutely a je ne sais quoi that I arbitrarily decide, and that is exactly why I find it so attractive as a concept.

Now presenting some screenshots with commentary that may or may not be related:

藍、お前……お前……

The presence of legally distinct brand names does portray their increasing ubiquity but I do think your knock off Shimamura shouldn’t have しわ in the name because it is a clothing store.

While Misuzu is this hilariously precocious child with unlimited stat points in art, I like the moments where she shows a certain kindness towards the world and you can tell this stance is possible thanks to her meeting with Kei.

I think this scene is the scene that got me closest to crying in Sakutoki. In the Sakuuta V Ai end, she is doing her best to comfort Naoya as he gives in to his self-loathing in the wake of a traumatic event. In Sakutoki V though, the fact that Naoya has started to move on ever so slightly and the weight of 10 years since that time pushing Ai to practically beg for Naoya to live to watch her final moments is at the same time heartbreaking and filled with a kind of love that is hard to express in words.

You could just describe that love as the kind that entails wanting to growing old with someone but that is something I find myself outright denying when I look at what Naoya and Ai have gone through up to this point. It may be close to 運命共同体 but going into the details makes it more delicious.

Naoya having this quiet reflective moment with Kei’s “origin” near the very end is good.

Some other things I feel execute 刻 well are the 櫻子さんの足下には死体が埋まっている novels and Soukyuu no Fafner. For Sakurako, seeing both Shoutarou and Sakurako grow over the course of the series and dealing with things like the effects of grief and loss over time and ending in a fitting finale was quite the experience that I didn’t think I would get so into after having watched the anime (if you’re reading this kadokawa give us season 2). I was similarly impressed with the lengths Fafner takes with the ここにいる theme and the Exodus 2nd cour opening really makes everything come together; the first time I saw it seeing the Right of Left characters was what really got me. god exodus was pure kino just rewatching this OP for this post makes me emotional uoohhhh (still haven’t finished the beyond here haha...).

There are many other things that partially embody this concept that I like such as the Tears to Tiara series and what the Ace Attorney seven year gap could be if they did more things with it. Honorable mention goes to how finally playing Gyakuten Kenji 2 helped me fully accept Edgeworth becoming the chief prosecutor. Of course 刻 is not a requirement for me to like something but it can considerably raise the chances when it hits.

Now what does this topic have to do with Tokyo 7th Sisters? Before you go any further go read this article reviewing the main story, especially if you have no interest in the game/story otherwise. Even if you do read it anyway because it’s a good article that introduces some of the things I will be talking about. Then go and play the game and read the story for yourself instead of reading this blog post.

If it were not for Tokyo 7th Sisters (aka Nanasis) I may have note even written this, because in my mind it is the number one thing I associate with my previously unarticulated concept of 刻. This is not anything out of the open mind you, as the seeds of this idea first got planted when I was playing Sakuuta.

In Nanasis the words アイドルはアイドルじゃなくてもいい form the backbone of the entire series. It’s a phrase that I’ve thought about a number of times when reading the stories of that game and even now years after the final chapter I still struggle with finding a concrete interpretation of it. While it does deal with both the “outer” aspects of idols seen by others and society at large and the “inner” aspects of the characters’ ideals and visions of the self that clash with those external forces, at the end of the day they are words of affirmation and of the self. The “answers” presented at the end of Episode 6.0 fits in splendidly with the ‘i-DOL n-EW g-ENERATION‘ found in the game’s logo and the concept of ‘ing=進行形’ presented throughout the game.

With that in mind I came across these lines in Sakuuta VI. The first line clearly correlates with the phrasing of アイドルはアイドルじゃなくてもいい and the following ones are very reminiscent of the themes present in Nanasis. And just as in Sakuuta/Sakutoki, these themes are only strengthened by the depiction of 刻.The events of the game occur because the Seventh Sisters broke up two years before the start of the game, and it does not shy away from the overwhelmingly negative effects this brings to idols. I first found myself invested in game’s story with Episode 4U, which is about a band (explicitly not idols, although they do have cards in the game) led by a girl who despises idols after the the advent of the “idol ice age” forced her to realize their innate impermanence. The only other idol game I had played before this was Love Live School Idol Festival so it came as quite the surprise to me. Later on the shady parts of the entertainment industry and the question of if how someone can maintain themselves under the weight of it all come up and while it is easy to sum it up as some “dark idol story unlike the other ones,” I think it is more a matter of the presence of 刻 being a perfect match for the impermanence of idols.

Because idols are impermanent, it is important to keep in mind your own unique relationship to the concept. In Nanasis the role of idols as people who can 一瞬でも誰かの背中を押す is greatly emphasized and the songs are no exception.

The lyrics of 僕らは青空になる

一瞬でも　カケメケルイマは確かに想いと手が重なりあった

and FUNBARE☆RUNNER

いつか誰かの光になるんだ想いのたけ手渡すように君とつなぐバトン終わらない夏の始まりを見てる見上げれば青と入道雲

地続きである想い、明滅するひかりが交流する瞬間がアイドル物で書かれたとk感じ取った途端、より一層ナナシスのことが好きになった。それこそ「たった一つの想いを閉じ込めた、永遠であり、瞬間」を彷彿とさせるくらいのものだ。傲慢な結びつきと言われたっていい。

I could probably also connect this with 弱き神 but I don’t think I understood it enough...

And like Sakuuta/Sakutoki, Nanasis is no stranger to large amounts to passing time. Episode 5.0, the one released after Episode 4.0 sends the timeline forward to 2043 when 4.0 took place in 2035.

The emotions felt from seeing this video out of nowhere were unparalleled. Besides the obvious point of seeing the idols that were children grown up it was then that I felt Motegi truly understood 刻のロマン and the resulting scenario did not disappoint in that front. I feel the fact that this released before 6.0 is a result of this understanding.6.0 advances the time from 4.0 to 2036, where even more harrowing developments than 4.0 await. But due to the existence of 5.0, you know that the image of “idols” 777☆SISTERS holds will continue to the new generation, which helped tremendously when reading 6.0. The credits of this final chapter feature the future plans of each of the 12 members of 777☆SISTERS to further show how they will continue to grow no matter what path in life they take.

I really do love Nanasis and I never knew it would become my favorite story in a mobile game when i first downloaded it nearly eight years ago. While the story team is now different than before, they’ve taken the timeline even further into 2053 (with a completely different player character) and I wonder what they are planning to do with that.

刻 is a crucial element in Sakutoki and Naoya’s final painting in V is the embodiment of this. While it is indistinct, the act of trying to define it for yourself is also important so if you managed to make it all the way down here I encourage you to think about it on your own.

そこにロマンがなければならない。

時間がなければならない。

音楽も、風景も、地平線の彼方へ消え去るように。

つまり刻とは、

足が立つ、この大地。

#not 水増

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stonerosestank · 2 years

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Was DWD really not very good? I've seen mixed reviews from people I follow

okay so my enjoyment of it was probably lessened in general bc psychological thrillers etc aren’t my preference for movies ever..and then add in the fact that it was super hard for me to forget about the messy promo as i was watching it and that didn’t help 😬 however just some thoughts about it:

i specifically didn’t watch any trailers etc and i avoided the majority of the spoilers so walking into this movie i had absolutely no idea what it was about aside from very vague details

that being said i was extremely confused for most of the movie. nothing really made a whole lot of sense until literally the last 15 or so minutes and imo that had more to do with the way the movie was edited together etc than my lack of background knowledge

as a whole i do think the movie would’ve been better if it was directed by someone else and im saying that with as little bias as i can. as far as i know the only other movie she’s directed was booksmart and i didn’t care for that one either so i think either she’s generally a bad director or one i just don’t enjoy. the concept of the movie in general after i knew what was going on actually seemed interesting just poorly executed

i think the way alice’s flashbacks were handled could have been better bc the first ones it wasn’t really obvious that they were from before the victory project (at least to me and my friend)

i didn’t understand the point of the dancing at all?? both the black and white ladies and the scene where jack was dancing on stage (this isn’t a big negative to the movie i just didn’t see the point)

this movie needs a lot of trigger warnings and i don’t think anyone (aside from one of my mutuals) gave any information about them

for me it was extremely weird seeing harry act in this movie compared to dunkirk bc when i saw dunkirk in theaters is was easy for me to see him as his character rather than just harry in a movie if that makes sense?? i don’t think that’s anything to do with harry’s acting abilities tho (again i thought he did well in dunkirk and i watched the mp trailer and it seems like it’ll be the same for that so 🤷🏼‍♀️)

florence absolutely killed it like she was incredible and i would honestly watch the movie again just for her

my friend and i absolutely lost it at the carrot scene

long-haired harry terrified us

this might be attributed to me not paying as much attention as i should’ve been but i didn’t understand the main purpose of the doctor/psychiatrist dude?? the vibes to me were saying he had a much more important purpose than just helping keep the wives doped up when they were losing it?? idk

i know now that initially the husbands take care of the wives while they’re first being introduced? to the victory project like with the ivs and stuff but who is taking care of them while he’s in the simulation-y world?? or is that taken care of while the husbands are at headquarters?? like do they leave the simulation during the day and take care of themselves and their wives in the real world?? so many questions so little time

the other thing that super didn’t make sense is at the end when alice is about to exit/wake up whatever jack comes up behind her and asks her to stay with him and unless i misunderstood something alice killing jack in the simulation killed him irl and if he’s dead irl then he can’t be in the simulation so how did he show up then?? unless she was just hallucinating??

so basically i think it’s not the worst movie i’ve seen and it’s worth a second watch if only bc it’d make more sense after watching it the first time but it’s not a movie i would be recommending and telling people that they absolutely have to watch

#anon it’s 4pm not morning like i said but here u go #dwd spoilers #like big plot spoilers #also idk what happens in the first 15 mins of the movie bc we were in target before the movie and lost track of time and showed up late #so idk if those first 15 mins are super important to understanding the movie #asks

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wormstar · 3 years

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How did you come up with the idea of 'signature herbs' and what ones have you used so far?

ahhhh i only saw this now. lets see

i think it started off in equal parts as a 'lore' and design thing there was no priority really.... it was inspired by all the more modern wc art ive seen where healers have herbs as like accessories. i think i just went alright could it be done practically and i decided having 'wires' of grass and vine that form belts for herbs was interesting. which then lead on to a broader consideration for how itd be convenient when healing a whole camp or going on a journey to collect plants. and naturally then i decided hey how can i make it distinct for every cat. hence the idea of certain cats having herbs that set them apart from one another came to be and i just started incorporating that in designs

this is what i initially wrote about the concept when i was first developing it

important distinction is while if a herbs in use its effectively 'reserved' for the foreseeable future, cats can share herbs between generations if the time difference is long enough

also i did come up with this while an interest in flower symbolism was like. occupying a good part of my mind. so though sometimes i just picked certain herbs for good color contrast and nothing else i occasionally did dip into specific meanings - in particular to stay grounded i interpreted the kind of 'cures' herbs served as as metaphors for character arcs. like i picked chamomile for barkface cause he was the one guy supporting tallstar's journey out of the clans, shadowsight got lavender cause he died once or whatever and kept the whole starclan ordeal in obscurity you get it. alternatively mudfur just has dandelion for no reason

whenever i come up with systems like that in anything i write i always have exceptions cause i think its a very like. interesting exercise. so certain cats dont have signature herbs at all - leafpool doesnt to vaguely represent how little control she has within the healer role and by extension her relationship with starclan rendering her unimportant, hawkheart uses the whole belt system but doesnt have an herb because sadstuck about him being a warrior or whatever, jayfeather doesnt cause hes a bitch, etc. and ofc the opposite excess, hollyleaf keeps holly leaves leftover from when she served as a healer.

going through old posts manually these may be wrong and i just forgot what the hell i drew but who cares. list is:

spottedleaf has ferns which arent technically an herb. pretty sure yellowfangs was meant to be celandine flowers which eased eye pain. flametail had either rosemary (again hides death scent) or some random flower i added for contrast. already mentioned shadowsight and barkface.... i still like the idea of mothwing having lavender but ive talked about her having no decorative herbs and only carrying practical ones before and i think that fits even more. runningnose also has lavender. echosong just had roses (solely ornamental) which were meant to play on the whole idea of skyclan being an overdone facsimile of the clans. alderheart has deathberries because of course he does and puddleshine had coltsfoot (i think that one was random). i dont know why i gave cinderpelt nondescript berries at all

#i forgot what my tags were for this kind of stuff -_-#wc lore

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didanawisgi · 4 years

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The Question Of Psalm 104

Written by Alden Bacuzmo

“This story begins in ancient Egypt with Amenhotep IV. (l350-1334 BC). He has been identified as uniquely the first "monotheist" worshipping his single god "Aten", the Sun. Aten, similar to the ancient Egyptian god "Ra", was represented by the sun-disk, was the creator of all life, and was a god of goodness and divine benevolence. Amenhotep was so sincere that he changed his name to Akenaten [also spelled Iknaten].

In each of the three divisions of the Egyptian empire Egypt, Kush, and Syria, he built a temple consecrated to Aten. He took up residence in a city he had built called Akhetaten, known today as the Tell el-Armarna in the southeastern part of Egypt. Aten represented a universal power that paralleled the Pharaoh's growing power over the known world. Akenaten actually paid individuals to proselytize his cult of Aten. However, the faith never became popular.

During Akenaten's reign, Egypt's power significantly declined. When Akenaten died, his temples were destroyed. Among the few remains of his cult were hymns found written in the tombs of the proselytes at Amarna. The longest of these hymns to Aten is noted to be similar to the Psalm 104, written for the Bible hundreds of years later. There are a few possibilities for how this might have come about. It is fairly certain that, even previous to the time of Moses, fleeing slaves in groups of various sizes, had wondered into the Sinai Peninsula. As the emigrants walked, they sang to keep up their spirits. One of the songs they sang may have been Akenaten's hymn to the Sun. Oral tradition could have perpetuated the elements of his hymn for 600 years. For those who are unconvinced about the similarity of these two documents, Jacob's descent into Egypt, described in the Bible, recalls the Hyksos dynasties, where the Iron age Canaanites conquered Egypt and ruled for several generations as Pharaohs. When the descendants of the original rulers regrouped and repelled the Hyksos, both the conquerors and the large Semitic population that had entered as migrant workers before and during the foreign dynasty were either driven out or placed in bondage. This was the beginning of the 400 years of slavery. Through those who were driven out, Hymns to the Sun were introduced into Canaan. Probably due to this, worship of the Sun is forbidden in the Bible.

Another possibility stems from the evidence of Persian names in residence at Amarna. These were literate people who may have transcribed Akenaten's poems. This would have placed the essence of this poem in Babylon, a world center for literature, by 600BC when the Jews were in exile, and the early Hebrew bible was assembled. Dr. H. Brugsch collected quite a few epithets and quotes from Egyptian scripture around fifty years ago and published them in his work, 'Religion and Mythology'. Much of Psalm 104 is vaguely similar to Egyptian Hymns, such as the following hymn to Ra from the Papyrus of Hu-nefer:

O thou who art crowned king amongst the gods...

[Here is expressed the polytheistic point of view]

Thou art the lord of heaven, Thou art the lord of the earth; Thou art the creator of those who dwell in the heights, and Those who dwell in the depths. Thou art the One God who came into being at the beginning of time.

[monotheism was beginning throughout the world with the idea of the "God of Gods", and is consistent with the concept of G-d in the Pentateuch]

Thou didst create the earth, Thou dist fashion the man, Thou didst make the watery abyss of the sky... Thou dost travel across the sky with thy heart swelling in joy; The great deep of heaven is content thereat..."

"the watery abyss of the sky" is similar to the Sumerian creation story, of 1500 years previous, where gods parted the water to create the world with a third god [see History begins at Sumer, by Noah Kramer]. This idea is repeated in Genesis with the actions of one God. The idea of water being above and below solves the enigma of where rain comes from. The Veda, Hindu scripture, considered this Sumerian story but concluded: "who cares" and left the process of creation unanswered.

Attributing the Lord with the characteristics of the sun. The Psalm 104 starts out attributing the Lord with the characteristics of the Sun. This is found nowhere else in the Scriptures.

[2. Who coverest thyself with light as with a garment; Who stretchest out the heavens like a curtain. 3. Who layeth the beams of his chambers in the waters. Who maketh the clouds his chariot; Who walketh on the wings of the wind; Who maketh winds his messengers; Flames of fire his ministers.]

A search for references in the Bible to the sun is within our grasp. You may skim over the following scripture of the types of references to the Sun:

* The sun as a symbol of permanency and endurance: Psalms 72:5 They shall fear thee as long as the sun and moon endure, throughout all generations. Psalms 72:17 His name shall endure for ever: his name shall be continued as long as the sun: and [men] shall be blessed in him: all nations shall call him blessed. Psalms 89:36 His seed shall endure for ever, and his throne as the sun before me.

* The Sun must not become an object of worship: Deuteronomy 4:19 And lest thou lift up thine eyes unto heaven, and when thou seest the sun, and the moon, and the stars, do not be enticed into bowing down to them and worshiping things the Lord your God has apportioned to [even] all the host of heaven. Ezekiel 8:16 And he brought me into the inner court of the LORD'S house, and, behold, at the door of the temple of the LORD, between the porch and the altar, [were] about five and twenty men, with their backs toward the temple of the LORD, and their faces toward the east; and they worshipped the sun toward the east. 8:17 Then he said unto me, Hast thou seen [this], O son of man? Is it a light thing to the house of Judah that they commit the abominations which they commit here?

* The sun was darkened at the time of Jesus' crucifixion, and will be darkened again at the time of his return to judge the world: Matthew 27:45 Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour. Mark 13:24 (But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun shall be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light,) Mark 13:25 (And the stars of heaven shall fall, and the powers that are in heaven shall be shaken.) Mark 13:26 (And then shall they see the Son of man coming in the clouds with great power and glory.) Mark 13:27 (And then shall he send his angels, and shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from the uttermost part of the earth to the uttermost part of heaven.)

* Sunlight as splendor: "Then adorn yourself with majesty and splendor, And array yourself with glory and beauty." [Job 40:10] "Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who has ears to hear, let him hear." [Matthew 13:43]

* Speaking of Jesus when He was with Moses and Elijah in the mount with His disciples: "And was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and His raiment was white as the light." [Matthew 17:2]

* Paul in talking about what he saw on the road to Damascus, and learned that He was seeing Jesus at the right hand of the 'Majesty' of God: "...at midday, O king, along the road I saw a light from heaven, brighter than the sun, shining around me and those who journeyed with me." [Acts 26:13]

* In describing the One like the Son of Man, John in Revelation says this: "He had in His right hand seven stars, out of His mouth went a sharp two-edged sword, and his countenance was like the sun shining in its strength." [this is similar to a typical Egyptian sun poem] [Revelation 1:16] "And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof." [Revelation 21:23] "And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God gives them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever." [Revelation 22:5]

Only in Psalm 104 could the chosen description of the Lord be construed as that of the sun..

The eight points of comparison: Psalm 104 and the Hymn to Aten The following text in [parenthesis] is from Psalm 104 while the remainder is quoted translation by J.H.Breasted, from Cambridge Ancient History, Vol. II, Chapters 5 & 6.. and "The Rock Tombs of Tell el Armarna", Archeological Survey, Egyptian Exploration Society (6vol, 1903) N. de G. Davis.

The tradition of Egyptian, Hindu, and Hebrew cultures starts the day at sunset. Today the day normally starts at sunrise.

Akenhaten's Hymn to the Sun When thou settest in the western horizon of the sky, [1st comparison, verse 20] The earth is in darkness like the dead. They sleep in their chambers Their heads are wrapped up. Their nostrils are stopped And none see the other. While all their things are stolen Which are under their heads And they know it not Every Lion cometh forth from his den [2nd comparison, verse 21] All Serpents they sting Darkness The world is in silence. He that made them resteth in his horizon.

[22. The Sun riseth, they get them away, and lay them down in their dens.] [23. Man goeth forth unto his work And to his labor until the evening.]

Bright is the earth when thou riseth in the horizon. [3rd comparison, verse 22] When thou shinest as Aten by day Thou drivest away the darkness. When thou sendest forth thy rays The two lands (Egypt) are in daily festivity. Awake and standing upon their feet When thou has raised them up. Their limbs bathed they take their clothing Their arms uplifted in adoration to thy dawning Then in all the world they do their work.. [4th comparison, verse 23] All cattle rest upon their pasturage The trees and the plants flourish

[12. By them the birds of the heavens have their habitation. They sing among the branches.]

The birds flutter in their marshes, [5th comparison, verse 12] Their wings uplifted in adoration to thee. All sheep dance on their feet. All winged things fly, They live when thou hast shone upon them.

[25. Yonder is the sea great and wide. Wherein are things creeping innumerable. Both small and great beasts.] [26. There go the ships.]

The barges sail upstream and downstream alike. [6th comparison, verse 26] Every highway is open because thou dawnest. The fish in the river leap before thee. Thy rays are in the midst of the great green sea. Creator of the germ in woman Maker of the seed in man Giving life to the son in the body of his mother Soothing him that he may not weep. Nurse (even) in the womb.

[29. Thou hidest thy face, they are troubled. Thou takest away their breath and they die. And return to their dust.]

Giver of breath to animals, every one that he maketh When he cometh forth from the womb [7th comparison, verse 29] On the day of their birth Thou openest his mouth in speech

[27. These wait all for thee. That thou may give them food in due season.]

Thou suppliest his necessities. [8th comparison, verse 27] When the fledgling in the egg chirps in the shell Thou givest him breath there-in to preserve him alive. When thou hast brought him together to (the point of) bursting it in the egg To chirp with all his might, He goeth about on his two feet When he hath come forth therefrom.

How manifold are thy works, They are hidden from before (us) O Sole God, whose powers no other possesseth. Thou didst create the earth according to thy heart While thou wast alone Man, all cattle, large and small All that are upon the earth That go about on their feet (All) That are on high That fly with their wings The foreign countries, Syria and Kush, The land of Egypt Thou settest every man into his place Thou suppliest their necessities Everyone has his possessions And his days are reckoned The tongues are divers in speech Their forms likewise and their skins are distinguished (For) thou makest different the strangers.

There is no doubt that the evolution of ideas throughout the history of human endeavors is a combination of past knowledge and original thinking. However, as short as sixty years ago, there is little doubt that the archaeologists who discovered the similarities in ancient texts were astounded since they had been raised to believe in the Bible as the "only word of God". The importance that The Measure of Truth assigns to this study is not to denigrate any of these early beliefs, but to examine why the Biblical scripture has lasted to be arguably the most read and influential literature in the history of mankind.” - Alden Bacuzmo

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fipindustries · 5 years

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my experience with my gender and my sexuality

because i think it is about fucking time i talk about this somewhere. this is a cheerful post, intimate sure, way too oversharing, certainly, but i like to think of it as joyous sharing because i feel like i can finally talk about this stuff freely and gosh ive been keeping so many things on the inside and now i just want to shout them to the world, consequences be damned

for years i have fantasized about becoming a woman. i will say it here now: i want to be a woman, i want to try it, i want to know what is like to look like one, to dress like one, to be called one, to be treated as one. if after a while i get bored of it, or tired or figure out its not my true self, or it just doesnt fit me for whatever reason then i reserve the right to back off and try something else. but for now this is my state of being and im going to share the story of how i got here.

my earliest memories of dealing with this confusion are about me reading a magazine talking about trans issues and me watching the movie “ma vie en rose” and “boys dont cry”. i was too young perhaps to be exposed to these ideas in such a candid and direct way. perhaps not mature enough to fully process or understand what i had seen, to the point that for most of my childhood i had this irrational fear that i would become a woman when i hit puberty. that my dick would just shrink into a vagina, that i would start growing tits, that i would get pregnant, etc.

i was a very unmasculine child, i didnt like sports, in fact i didnt like most typically boyish stuff. i thought muscles where gross, i thought violence and fighting was scary. i thought most boys played too rough for my taste. i was meek, shy, and a huge nerd. but i also had a strange rejection for most girly stuff. it was too soft and frilly and silly and pink and yucky. on top of all that, my understanding of trans people was mostly shaped then by drag queens and outrageous transvestites whose aesthetic, to this day, i find garish, over the top and unpleasant to look at. sorry, is just not something i identify with.

during this time i started to engage in all sorts of strange games as a child. i would start trying on my sister’s panties or my mom’s panties in the shower. i would created these elaborate scenarios where i would have all the stuffed toys in my room “kidnap” me, force me to give birth to them and then breast feed them.

cartoon shows that dealt with themes of gender bending held a powerful fascination to me, i particularly remember the fairly odd parents episode “the boy who would be queen”. i had this strange sense of love-hate relationship with it and anything on that topic where i just couldnt help to be obssessed with it but at the same time feel like it was illicit or transgressive for me to watch it.

then i hit puberty and a light switch went off. where instead of being scared or unnerved by those ideas i just kept obssessing more and more over them. i started googling everything i could about gender bending, about gynecomastia, about how to grow breasts with certain herbs or supplements. it was specifically on the breasts that i was fixated, i kept promissing myself that i would get them no matter what.

at the same time on the outside i was more than comfortable presenting myself as a boy, a geeky boy sure, but a boy all the same. i liked wearing high waisted pants, tucked in shirt and tie. i liked having short hair. i fantasized about growing a mustache. what’s more i definetly identified as a boy. i went to an all boy’s high school where we were taught stereotipicaly male things like working with heavy machinery, welding, general workshop engeneering stuff and i enjoyed all of it. i was still a huge outcast and not the manliest person but back then i figured it was because i was just a huge nerd.

i had no rejection of my body or the changes it was going through, i grew hair, limbs, genitals, etc and didnt thought much of it that i can recall, beyond a vague sense of not wanting to look too adult because it made me look too much like my dad, with whom i never had the best of relationships. beyond that socially i was a boy and had no issues fitting there.

i masturbated a lot, and a lot of those fantasies involved gender bending. usually boys growing breasts, boys being subjected to forced feminization, etc. there were other fantasies but those dont have a lot of bearing on the subject at hand. one of the things that excited me the most back then was to call myself a woman. to insist over and over that i was a girl. like the feeling that i was brainwashing myself into femminity was a huge turn on (this is why for the longest time i was convinced i was an autogynephile, and honestly, jury’s still out on that account). then, as soon as i finished i would quickly tell myself “im not a woman” as a strange way of “no homo” myself from my fantasies. i was still doing ocassional crossdressing whenever i was alone at home with my mom’s clothes, again, usually for the purposes of masturbation

i have been attracted to girls for the large majority of my life, it wouldnt be until college that i would experiment with boys too and found that i could enjoy that as well, but my main interest has always been consistently girls. yet a lot of the time my attraction towards girls would come from a place of envy. of apreciating how pretty they looked and wishing i could look that pretty myself. once i started college most of these fantasies came with me, i kept researching about gender bending and about ways i could try to gender bend myself. some times it was because of fetishistic reasons but a lot of the time was because i just found the subject inherently fascinating. it was like this that i came across a lot of information about trans people, back in like 2011 and when i first started to really understand them as a community and grapple with concepts such a gender dysphoria and such. back then i reached the conclussion that while i understood and sympathized with trans women, i was just a crossdresser because i didnt experience gender dysphoria and because i had never experienced anything even close to the feeling of “being a woman on the inside”.

what was more, it was around this time that identity politics really started to get traction, things like “die cis scum”, “yes all men”, “white men tears” etc started to be thrown around and, as someone who had been identifying as male for his entire life, i felt personally attacked by most of it. an immature reaction on hindsight, but a reaction that cemented in my mind the idea that i was a man and there were no buts or ifs about it.

i kept crossdressing, i kept fantasizing, i kept fetishizing. i even experiemented with auto hypnosis because i was realizing more and more that i was never going to be able to truly make my fantasy about becoming a woman real so was was willing to try anything that would get me even close to it. i cross dressed because i liked the way i looked, i liked the way the clothes felt against my skin, i liked the feeling of trying on a different role, one that was forbidden to me. as time went on i stated doing it less and less because of the sexual gratification and more for its own sake.

then the crisis came.

i wrote about this before, i saw a bunch of people i knew coming out of the closet at an advanced age, people like jacob chapman, the wachowsky sisters, even reading about the story of how allison bechdel. the idea of someone figuring out their identity way into their adulthood shattered my world view and it introduced me the possibility that i might be in the same situation, which led me to panic. all the crossdressing, the fascination with gender bending and with trans issues were strongly suggestive if nothing else, but back then i was just not ready at all to confront those possibilities so i supressed like a mad man.

three years later, here i am. during those three years i slowly and gradually came to grips the possibility, slowly losing my fear of what i might lose if i came out of the closet, slowly examining my self and comparing my story with the story of others in the community. finding differences but also finding a lot of similarities. for the longest time my trans ex girlfriend would insist that i was very much not trans because a lot of my experiences were very different from hers, such as the fact that i never had issues inhabiting the rol of a boy whereas her dysphoria had been strong enough to the point of suicidal tendencies for most of her life.

one of my biggest concerns had always been the fact that i had heard from many trans people that their dysphoria hadnt really kicked in until after they started transitioning. as in, once they started trying to look like women then they realized how far away they were from truly being one, making what until then had been a vague feeling of discomfort into a true rejection of their own body. but then on the other hand there was also the real possibility that i would end up having a mental breakdown once i hit my fifties after years of repression and by that point i would look like just an old man in a wig

i think what finally made me tip over the edge were the contra points videos and the reddit community egg_irl. i just identified too much with what i saw there, and breaking up with my gf had left me free to explore those feelings without fear of ruining my relationship. so where does that leave me?

still confused, but no longer scared of the answers. willing to give this and honest go and see where it takes me. im still not ready to call myself a trans girl with all the letters. i understand that gender is complicated but i would really appreciate a unified theory of gender to help me make heads or tails of what i am and what i am feeling beyond vague notions about “the spectrum” and “social roles”. i guess i could be considered gender fluid as of right now but honestly that label doesnt mean that much to me on a practical sense considering i am still presenting my self as a boy in my every day life with one or two exceptions

i have a lot of work ahead of me and for once i am excited about doing it right.

#most of this is just me drafting what im going to say to my therapist #rambly

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rosykims · 5 years

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A-Z HEADCANONS // DUNCAN THEIRIN

i was tagged by @nordxz thanks so much tash !! i'm gonna answer this for duncan, my babey and the next gen son of alistair and ella cousland 😊😚😘

i snappped while answering these and accidentally wrote 6 pages and almost 4k words so uh. loooooong infodump ahead.

Alignment: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?

duncan very easily falls into the lawful neutral category, like i dont rly need to give his alignment too much thought unlike with some of my other ocs. duncan is.....hmm. hes a very KIND person, generous and selfless, and tries his best to make people happy, but i wouldn’t necessarily say he's good, considering a lot his issues lie with his inability to act, or stand up to others. he’s guilty of very blindly following the law, or other people's ideas of what's right, and he doesn't really feel confident enough to rely on his own conscience for most things. so i'd say while he tries to do the right thing and act within the law, sometimes he goes against his own values out of fear or confusion or, simply out of ignorance, since he was born into a life of privilege and can't always distinguish what's right and what’s believed ykno

Beverage: What do they most like to drink, and why?

duncan shares a weird trait with both his brother and sister where they all just inexplicably ?? don't like alcohol at all. so stuff like wine and liquors is off the table. he absolutely LOVES tea though. u know that one scene in scott pilgrim where the gal is going thru her list of like 72 teas? thats him 100%. it's his lifeblood at this point, he has SO much of it and a perk of being the heir to a monarchy means he's got a lot of foreign merchant acquaintances, so he tends to order in different blends from all over. he's a chronic insomniac, and he uses it as a crutch to get through the days some times. modern!duncan still loves tea but obviously has a stronger love for coffee, since its far more effective!

Co-Habitat: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in?

duncan currently lives in the residential dorms of the college of enchanters, while he's sort of aimlessly studying a bunch of subjects he's already mostly adept at. firstly, duncan is VERY sick lol, he was conceived while ella and alistair still hadn't found the cure for the joining, and essentially he inherited both of their darkspawn taint so 🙂🙂🙂 thats always a good time. so anyone who lives with him needs to prepare for 1) him being sick obviously,, throwing up, coughing up blood, looking like a corpse virtually 23 hours of the day lol. and obviously the fear that one day he might actually die. but also 2) he suffers from grey warden nightmares for the same reasons, hence the insomnia. he can go a concerning number of days without sleeping and usually only takes strategic cat naps when he needs to, but obviously he has his limits. it's very rare that he goes a full night without waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares so. we stan one depressed king ! oh he also is Incapable of locking the door to his apartment. he always forgets and hes too tired to care about people stealing his stuff fkdkdjdjd he would probably make more of an effort if he had someone living with him, but old habits die hard so !!!!!!

Decor: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details?

honestly , duncan's house is very devoid of clutter or personal items in general, which is sad. he definitely would have a lot of decor if he could, but since his current housing is only temporary while he's in orlais, he doesn't really want to get... comfortable ykno. other than that, duncan's home is always kept impeccably neat and clean, for two reasons. firstly, growing up in denerim's palace really engrained into his head the importance of keeping up appearances, so its sort of a subconscious ritual of his at this point. but i think more importantly its because of all the nights when he cant sleep, so during the night with nothing to keep him from dwelling on his thoughts or nightmares, he really needs the distraction, and cleaning gives him something to do. duncan really needs to feel like he's doing something, like he's managing, like he's able to achieve something so cleaning is just one little way of taking ownership of his life.

Escape: What do they do to de-stress? How successful is it?

nsfw warning but uhhh..... he has a LOT of sex basically dkdkdksk u wouldn’t know it by looking at him tho ! bc hes very polite and nervous and kinda shy?? but hes also charming and obviously attractive so he doesnt really lack for interested parties. mainly he just sticks to one night stands, with no strings attached, and it helps him take his mind off things when hes exhausted or its late at night and hes afraid to go to sleep. otherwise he also has had some friends with benefits but usually his personal life is too complicated for a serious relationship. aside from that, he also reads a LOT, writes too – when he has the time/energy – and obviously cuddling sessions with his cat, moira dkdkdk

Fluff: What hits their soft spot? Does anything turn them into emotional goo?

so ik above i said that duncan doesnt do serious relationships but thats,, not through any will of his own. he LOVES love and is a complete hopeless romantic , but unfortunately for a number of reasons he's just very unlucky at love ! 😔 so having an emotional, intimate connection with someone that isnt just sex is super healing for him, since he's not used to it at all. being with nadaia is such a positive thing for him, just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated and that he's valued and wanted.

Grudge: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long?

i think it depends on who its directed at !! duncan usually ignores any insults directed at him because he's grown up being so scrutinized by the public and for the most part, fereldens are very weary of him so he hears A LOT. most of criticisms about him he just.. automatically accepts as fact and really buys into them, bc he has such low self esteem. but as for other people, and ESPECIALLY loved ones thats a very different story!! he's not exactly the type to start throwing punches if anyone says a bad word against someone he cares about, but he WILL personally see to it in his own sneaky way that they get whats coming to them dkdkkdjd usually he'll either find a way to expose their dirty laundry, embarrass them in public, prevent a promotion, something like that lol. this goes double if the insult is directed at nadaia or his family.

Hobby: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising?

ive already mentioned that he's an avid reader and he likes to write occasionally, but he's also a talented musician! He can play harp and lute, and has a beautiful singing voice ! tho he never EVER sings in public and u have to be like,, a ride or die for him to even consider singing in front of u.

Insomnia: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper?

well like i said he's an insomniac so sleep rly is a vague, barely recognised concept to him at the point dksksksk he also experiences sleep paralysis during especially bad nightmares, honestly he rly hit the misery jackpot and i feel so bad like hes indisputably my most tormented oc 🙃🙃🙃 so yea hehe doesnt really thrash around during nightmares but he sweats A LOT and sometimes talks in his sleep. during sleep paraylsis obviouslyy he goes COMPLETELY rigid and still which is terrifying for everyone involved lol. on the rare occasion that he is able to sleep he is out like a light lol he would sleep for 17 hours if he could. in saying that because he is also a Strategic Napper he is usually comfortable falling asleep ANYWHERE, because hes so tired comfort really isnt a concern lol.

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?

no he doesn't unfortunately 😔 or at least i should say he doesn't believe in it for himself - he's pretty convinced that he won't live til 30 and he's existing on borrowed time as it is, so he hasn't really put a lot of thought into his own happiness or the pursuit of his own goals because he doesn't believe he'll be around to see them realized

Kin: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family?

duncan is the firstborn son of king!alistair and ella cousland, my canon warden. he's also the eldest brother to roslyn and bryce theirin. he's also, obviously , the half brother of keiran, tho none of the theirin kids are aware of that oof. his role, officially, is to become king when his parents eventually pass. its NOT something he wants, due to being so sick and unsure of himself. despite what his parents tell him, he doesnt believe he will make a good king and is really terrified of the notion in general, i guess a little like alistair was in dao. duncan kinda,,, avoids his duties, to the point where he literally LEAVES to live and study in orlais. he still does what he needs to do, keeps in correspondence with people he needs to, but its all bare minimum stuff because hes just. so afraid of it lol. he has a mostly good relationship with his family, despite that – theres some resentment between him and his sister, rose, but thats a whole entire story we dont have time for dkdkskdk

Law: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?

like i said before he's pretty adherent to the rules and laws of society tho i do see that as more of a flaw than anything. he doesnt really feel comfortable stepping outside the norm and tends to accept that other people know best ! even if he disagrees he's usually too unsure of himself to speak up. that does change quite a bit once he and nadaia grow closer, since SHE is big on bending ridiculous or unjust rules, but he's always gonna be a bit of a follower i think 😒

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock?

he's accepting!! he's a mage so it would be wild of him if he didnt lmao. during his childhood/adolesence he was kinda harsh on himself and had a lot of internalized guilt for being a mage, bc this was obviously still fresh after the mage rebellions. he resented his own abilities and just wanted to be normal, but that was also him projecting a lot of his other problems as well. he had amazing teachers who helped him come to terms with his abilities, and the best of all was my inquisitor, ashara, who is kind of like a very distant, scary aunt who always had a soft spot for him. she helped him – and alistair and ella – RIGHT after they discovered he was a mage, and she was really the biggest role model in his life when it came to magic. duncan has always looked up to her skill and control and confidence, and tried very hard to match that.

Network: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others?

duncan has an ARMY of acquaintances and connections due to his family, but doesn't really have a lot of people he considers his close friends. he's super friendly and he gets along with most people, but like ive said before serious relationships including friendships are always a bit complicated for him bc of who he is as a person lol. as for reaching out, he's a very independent, introverted person and so he tends not to seek out other people unless he's close to them or has no other choice. he's very self conscious about being a burden on people or being to “needy" so he holds himself back and sometimes comes across as a little cold.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple?

he.... probably can't physically have kids unfortunately due to his condition, and as a result he's never really wanted to think too much about it, or imagine a scenario that he believes he cant have. but if it WERE a possibility, or if he felt stable in his own life enough to adopt, he'd probably be comfortable with just one child to completely spoil. he would be such a good father, albiet maybe not the coolest dad ddkdkdks i think nadaia would be the one who got up to the crazy shenanigans and let her child get away with everything, and duncan would be more of the nurturing, responsible one. he'd be a MASTER at telling bedtime stories, would kick ass at homework assistance, and would sing his kid to sleep every single night (until they got too old for it obviously). ooooo im so IMMENSELY emo abt this au now that i think about it

Pistol: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence?

duncan is a very non-violent person, but he does believe that sometimes violence is necessary and will BE violent if he needs to – only in self defence scenarios though. he's an adept mage, and very skilled with a staff, but he isn't a fighter, really – more of a defensive, protective figure.

Question: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?

oh the doubt is constant with him 🙃🙃 he has a lot of deep routed dread about his own morality and whether or not he's a good person or if the maker will accept him when he dies. he's andrastian but TERRIFIED of the notion that its all actually real, bc then he doesnt know where that leaves him. he has this weird existential dichotomy where he doesnt know if hes closer resembling a grey warden or a darkspawn bc of his tainted blood. he also doubts his abilities and his magic bc he's afraid that the taint just,, makes him inherently a corrupted thing. he doubts himself on a more basic level with like, being a good brother, a good son, a good king when the time comes. he wants to be a good student and partner but sometimes his health makes him feel like he cant, and it weighs on him so heavily, almost all the time. basically he needs a hug so badly its not funny 😔😔😔

Reminder: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks?

uhh its very selective !!! for the most part he's very good at taking care of himself, mostly because he NEEDS to otherwise his health gets out of control, but sometimes he tends to prioritize one set of needs above another,, which usually means not sleeping (the most common), forgetting to eat, not letting his loved ones know when he's having a poor health day which usually results in him getting really sick and nobody is around to help him. he also forgets to do certain things like lock up his house, buy foodstuffs, reply to peoples letters n stuff like that.

Sing: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head?

yes and yes !! duncan loves music altho its a very personal and private thing for him. he's pretty naturally gifted with music and gets it from ella, who taught him a lot of what he knows. he has a gorgeous singing voice (i kinda hc something similar to dan smith’s vocals from bastille!) that he rarely uses bc he only ever sings when he's alone or if he's forced to by a nosy loved one or something lol

Touch: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big?

duncan doesn't mind being touched !!! in fact in most situations he welcomes it, as long as its like,,, appropriate and not some random stranger obviously. he grew up with ella and alistair who obviously are VERY affectionate people so he loves giving and receiving hugs from friends and he doesnt flinch or feel weird about just? random natural touches or anything. his ~love language~ is also physical touch so he LIVES for cuddling with nadaia and holding hands and anything like that. however !!! his little sister rose HATES being touched by virtually anybody and in any capacity, so he's very aware that not everybody is okay with touch, and is always careful and considerate of other peoples boundaries. he usually waits for the other person to make the first move, or simply asks them first !

Upcoming: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans?

he doesn't at all 😔 i mentioned this before but he doesn't see himself living very long, and its really impacted his outlook on life. he is afraid to commit to a lot of things, even if its something he really, truly wants, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up for things. it also keeps him from forging positive relationships. a lot of it has to do with him just being overly polite, but he refuses to make the first move with anything, or communicate what HE wants out of something. for example, his relationship with nadaia could have progressed so much faster if he had just,,, told her what he wanted. she had to make a lot of the first moves in the relationship because he just,, doesnt know how to take chances i guess !!! we love a Deeply Flawed king

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of?

Some harmless ones are ; him talking to his cat constantly dkdskd also he has very poor time management skills so he's almost always a few minutes late, forgetting to lock his stuff up, and slouching, probably !!! some more serious ones would be like,, having sex with strangers as a coping mechanism lol, not speaking his mind and instead just letting himself be a doormat, also INTENSE avoidance of his problems (moving away to orlais for 9 years to avoid his fear of being king for example 🙃) tho i guess they fall under the same category oof.

Wardrobe: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces?

duncan dresses nice, for the most part !!! again, it's mostly to do with growing up in court and having to keep up appearances, but also hes just. a nice bisexual boy who wants to take care of himself ykno, and that includes hygiene/clothing/grooming etc ! he's maybe a bit TOO reserved tho, he mostly wears dark colours like blacks, greys and brows, but hes been known to wears reds/blues/whites as well, and there’s a lot of subtle yet beautiful details on his more formal attire that might go unnoticed by a casual eye. a lot of his clothes are specifically tailored but he's also fond of big oversized sweaters for when hes just hanging out ! he's got a not great relationship with his body lol so he usually dresses very conservatively, with long sleeves and pants and usually more than one layer, but hes also a thot so !!! pants be TIGHT dksksksks

X-Ray: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves?

Djdjdksksndjddjkekdidksjs OKAY WELL if u have read this far than obviously u kno the answer to this question. if ur just skimming tho first of all ur valid ! second of all duncan is VERY sick. he was conceived when ella and alistair where still searching for the joining cur, so basically he inherited the darkspawn taint x 2 and nearly died a bunch of times as a baby/young child. obviously idk how the cure storyline is gonna resolve but my hc is that bc the darkspawn taint is something he was BORN with, not just something that happened to him via ritual, his body is much more impacted by it so even if they are able to find a cure, it wouldnt work THAT well and his health would still suffer bc of the prolonged damage. so physically, he deals with a LOT – intense migraines, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, problems with breathing and fevers and stuff. obviously mentally hes.... not doing great either, tho he’s trying his best. sometimes his insomnia gets so bad he starts hallucinating visions from his darkspawn nightmares, and sometimes he just feel paranoid in general that he's actually an Evil Darkspawn and hes just somehow managed to convince everyone hes a normal person – sort of a weird blend of imposter syndrome and body dysmorphia its. complicated. anyway he has very low self esteem and tends to think hes a huge inconvenience to everybody, and when he was a teenager he went thru a period where he was very suicidal, and ANGRY and afraid 😔 he’s doing better though, now that he has learnt how to manage most of his symptoms and he's not suffering in denerim court. nadaia is also a huge help, though he tries not to become too heavily reliant on her, since he's had bad experiences with depending too much on other people.

Yack: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about?

skskdkdk im already crying hehe 🙂 duncan is so introverted and self conscious of being “Too Much" for other people so he tends to keep his thoughts/interests to himself and stick w just. boring small tall or non invasive questions relating to the other person. BUT if u show an interest and he trusts u then oh boy. hes an absolute dork. he loves talking about magic and having really intense conversations abt the technical sides of it (he and dorian would get along SO well) but he also loves history !!!! before he began studying at the college of enchanters he received multiple ??? qualifications?? (idk if thats the right term but u kno) from the university of orlais, one of them being orlesian and ferelden history. also anything to do with the grey wardens, the blights and darkspawn for personal reasons obviously. He's a VERY good storyteller so he somehow finds a way to make even the dryest topics seem very compelling and Cool – varric would be proud !! he finds the orlesian Great Game fascinating, and he enjoys sharing wild anecdotes about the things he's seen asshole nobles get up to. thats always thrilling skdksksk ALSO. He has a secret interest in necromancy and the mortalitasi (its only a secret bc hes the heir and that wouldnt look ... great lol ) but he only ever really talks about that with nadaia, who finds that stuff almost as interesting as he does. also, finally, he loves talking about nadaia 😊😊😊😊 hes the type of guy who will always namedrop “my girlfriend" into any conversation, loves telling people about her accomplishments and how Cool she is ..... he loves her a Lot is what im getting at sksksks

Zodiac: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What would you pick, if it’s unknown?

duncan is a pisces babey like his mother !!! tho he could also be a virgo but,,, i think for now pisces works better for him. he's very smart and introspective and creative, but he has some issues with critical thoughts, avoidance and melancholy like ive mentioned. also pisces is a water element so i guess that makes even more sense, since hes an ice mage 👌👌👌

okay !!! im done !!! i cant believe i wrote all that but i guess if u didnt know abt duncan before, u absolutely do now dksksks im so sorry to anyone who actually read thru all of this, u really are braver than the troops

#/ long post #god im so sorry idk how read mores work on mobile so im just go... leave this and go #anyway consider this a crash course on my Favourite Boy #i love him so much i rly just... start writing abt him and physically cant stop #tagging literally anybody who sees this as thinks its neat btw. just pretend i put @urnamehere and go for it !#oc: duncan

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marsixm · 5 years

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edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope)

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

#please dont be weird about this post i hope its like understandable what im trying to think about here?#like i dont think its that weird to consider nor am i claiming anything bad or destructive about ppls lives n genders n whatever #purely an observation about myself and the way i consumed media ages like 8-12 #in reflection as a gay/trans adult and thinking about what those things might have potentially been expressing or something #i dont know any official queer theory stuff n i dont think that should stop me from thinking my own thoughts so here u go #also i am TRULY sorry if this readmore doesnt work

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wlwtsubomi · 6 years

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do u have bnha ocs? 0:

YES I DO THANK YOU FOR ASKING

akfjafkahglad throwing them all under read more bc i have,,, A Lot(TM)

i actually have a fuckin uhhhhh nextgen au?? and thats where A Majority Of Them come from??????? and i love them all id die for them

ok so like

ok so two of my Main Ones are era and takuma!!!!!!!! ft. some changed designs bc im considering revamping laylaylb bc it Kinda Sucks.

so era is the shark one!!!!! her quirk is minor shark and its a mutant quirk that gives her vague mutations from a whitetip reef shark!!! that includes (but is not limited to) double rows of teeth, gils, some fins, enhanced smell and like, you know that thing that sharks do where they can find things from like,, those feely things from their chins?? yeah era can do that. she also tends to be more wild at night?? but it can be passed off as loopiness. since shes from a nextgen au shes the adopted daughter of kiri and baku???? her full name is bakushima era and she is like,,, just Rowdy and Easily Excited.

takuma is a more obvious nextgen kid and hes a tododeku fankid?? THOUGH in the revamp im gonna make him a todoiideku fankid with siblings bc ive always had concept for siblings for him but i was a Coward and never went through with them. his quirk is temperature control and its an emitter quirk that, when he touches something, he can adjust the temperature of an object. whenever he raises the temperature in something, the temperature of his body lowers, and vise versa. that often leads him to being cold constantly and having to bundle up his body in like a thousand jackets. its Very Relatable to me tbh. anxiety is hereditary so hes very anxious and withdrawn. he tends to be very scatterbrained and more often then not he forgets words mid-sentence and needs eras help to remember them. that leads him to repeat things a lot and quit a lot of things midway because he cant describe them. thats Also Very Relatable. his full name is midoriya takuma although in the revamp, its most likely that his name will be changed to iida-midoriya takuma

another important character to the nextgen who isnt actually a nextgen kid is siryoku karashiro (despite me often using first names as a way to refer to characters, i called him by his family name (siryoku) so frequently in laylaylb that thats just how i refer to him at this point) and hes really fun to draw. so hes kinda hard to explain without giving a lot about his backstory and eventual character arc away?? but hes from a rich family of lawyers who all have quirks that allow them to intimidate people by meeting their eyes. however, due to a recessive quirk from his moms side, he ended up having an variant of the black hole quirk. unlike thirteen, who (presumably) can channel theirs through their fingers, his is through his eyes. without a lot of practice with his quirk, he cant really control it and it often ends up being an all or nothing sort of trump card. siryokus very socially awkward and often has a hard time keeping up with extroverted people like ame and era. he also tends to miss expressions and figures of speech. but other than that, hes very earnest and despite his fumbles, wants to help others

while takuma era and siryoku are the Main Trio, takuma and era are also in another trio alongside ame, full name uraraka ame. shes a tsuchako fankid who really likes wearing christmas sweaters in the middle of summer. a part of this generations “big 3″ ame is a third year and an intern under thirteen. her quirk is zero gravity, inherited directly from ochako. shes very caring, and the “big sister” of the group if you will. she tries to help people as much as she can, and is the role model of both era and takuma. she is very energetic though, but she misses a lot of social cues and can as such be seen as pushy or overbearing.

while she hasnt appeared a lot yet in either my comics or in laylaylb, another character who will end up being important is kyousou hansha!!!! she will be (eventually) the vice president of their class and has been shown to be very driven, determined, and almost judgemental. she hasnt come with the intention of befriending people who dont come up to her standards, though what exactly those standards are is currently unknown. (i know it though) all thats currently known is that she often knows how to take charge of a situation with a very analytical point of view, and that perhaps thats what helped her land a recommended spot into ua. (who recommended her and what her quirk is hasnt been officially shown, though if you look through my blog, im p sure i mentioned it at one point)

this is a very bad drawing, because kazankawa (full name kazankawa atsui) is one of my favorite characters to draw (without coloring because her details is hard for me to color) and has one of my favorite character designs out of my bnha ocs. her quirk is volcano, and its a mutant quirk that almost makes herself like a living volcano. however, she cant ‘erupt’. her skin literally has cracks around where it folds the most, so think at the joints of her fingers and in her elbow. it also has cracks below her eyes. the cracks are filled with lava, though it is purely stationary. she gives off heat and can produce smoke from her mouth (though she doesnt know it yet). she is also able to throw up lava, but thats just kinda gross. she comes across as level-headed, chill, and sleepy almost all the time. however, once she gets riled up or in the battle field, she becomes more wild and reckless.

some other characters and wow isnt this a great drawing, is the houkai squad. i dont have an official name for their group, but they have a really fun dynamic to write. houkai genki (the middle one in the screenshot) is the one that this entire group revolves around, because they are the one who taigun and kuroiya are around for. they have an emitter quirk called emp, which is. an emp. yeah. its,, self explanatory. some people think theyre slick, but really, theyre kinda just really stupid and has no self restraint.

taigun kisaki (the leftmost) is literally the groups voice of reason and impulse control. her quirk is literally the most terrifying quirk ive ever come up with and its an emitter quirk that lets her control the bees. fuck you vigilantes i made it up before i knew you made a character with a similar quirk. shes by all means an extrovert, but has very thin patience and is constantly done by the shenanigans of this god forsaken group.

kuroiya fumukoi was actually the third bnha oc i designed, and was originally supposed to be a very withdrawn softspoken character. but as i wrote laylaylb, she was changed to an enabler of houkais, with just vaguely more intelligence than houkai, but instead of doing things out of sheer stupidity, more out of just ballsy-ness. her quirk is called shadow step and allows her to travel through shadows. it often leaves her hungry, so a lot of times she can be caught munching on something.

some other characters are the rest of the big 3!!! i love them a lot. like,, listen i would die for them. besides ame, theres suiro takara, the one on the right, and her quirk is crystal channel?? shes an intern under aoyama and can channel her own energy into crystals on her body (which is why she wears so many necklaces) in the form of lasers. shes constantly tired and stressed and honestly really offput by ame. ames excited and loud personality is a bit too much for her, so she tends to lash out or act cold. then theres yasuyou natsuki, the middle, whos quirk is flame body. her bodys literally a fire. as a result, all of the the third years had to be made extra fire durable outfits and gym uniforms to withstand being worn or coming into contact with her. ame has a crush on her, though yasuyou isnt aware of it. yasuyou is dense but upbeat, not interacting with ame a lot because theyre in different classes. (ame is in 3-a while yasuyou is in 3-b). also, ame, idk about u, but idk how ur gonna smooch fire.

of course there is A Lot of other characters from laylaylb that i wont write bc i dont have the screenshots or drawings on hand or bc they havent been revealed or i dont have the energy to explain all about the background characters

BUT

i DO have a non-laylaylb bnha oc and i dont have a name or set design for her yet but ive been stewing over the idea of her quirk for the LONGEST time

so basically shes a support student whos quirk is balance. its an emitter/mutant kinda quirk that gives her impeccable balance and things that she touches the same balance as well. it comes in handy when walking/maneuvering with things in her hands, and allows her to stack things without the fear of them fall over. think about that one sasuke figurine that could balance anything on its head and think ‘what if that was a quirk’

she isnt keen on sharing her ideas with others, though when she does, its often for critique. she has an odd sense for knowing when people lie to her about their opinions, and prefers brutal truth. perhaps its because thats how she is-- overly blunt and bad at determining which things are and arent right to tell to someones face.

i could see her getting along with hatsume

#i love all of my bnha ocs....#i want them all to be happy.........#/long post #Anonymous

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larksinging · 6 years

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and how about... just ramble about an au you have? it can be for a particular character or dynamic or denny thing or whatever, your choice, but just talk about some details of it to your heart's content

alright ive been really into a westworld au for laurel lately so. yknow.

my idea centers around the concept that laurel-2 was another character written over laurel-1. this is the only au where im okay with them not being as distinct separate individuals. i think my idea was... laurel (and sara) were the sheriff’s daughters in some small town kind of on the edge of the medium-intensity zone and the high-intensity zone. sooo there were lots of bandit raids, mostly black hats and a few really daring white hats coming out there. laurel was intended to be, again, kind of damselled where you could save her, or... well. but she also had just a few weapons privileges (sheriff’s daughter!) so that some really creative guest could sort of scoop her up and “”corrupt her””. or bring her on a good revenge quest, but that was rarer

at some point they wrote out sara to send her off to wherever the westworld version of the league was. and while laurel’s original cornerstone was her family, and they just tweaked it for a dead sister, something about that still sort of... broke her. so they repurposed her to be an outlaw who could guide black hats around in that general area. that’s laurel-2. her loop involved looking for her lost family, going to (leading anyone) to pariah, and then dying or falling mercy to the guest’s whims. god writing these kinds of things out is brutal

anyways i talked about, at some point towards the end maybe she would’ve broken out of her loop a bit and ended up falling in with wyatt’s cult. they seem like they’d take hosts who were half-awake like that. so that’s probably where she was when the whole ford thing went down...

and while, yknow, she’d fit in well enough with them, i think they’d be a part of her that just kind of wanted to go off on her own and find her family. that cornerstone’s hard to shake. maybe she’d sneak away at some point and do that. or... i don’t know, it’d kind of depend

RELATED, a few westworld aus for other characters: actually i feel like maive could be really interesting?? the show never really goes into what animal hosts are like. and its probably safe to assume they dont have complex consciousness as the human-modeled host. but what if. what if.

maria, also. honestly maria is kind of bernard if bernard was in a horror story. either some of the designers/writers/higher ups make a vague version of james (is he corporate delos?)’s dead wife, but like Sexy and a Host to make him feel better. maybe she’s a trial version of delos’ project, where she was implanted with just a few vague memories with a new narrative written over. at some point they re-used her to be in the park. i.... honestly it seems like the obvious parallel is to have her work at the mariposa, or equivalent in another town. or maybe she’s in a ghost town somewhere? i don’t knoow

unrelated au: i’ve half considered whether or not to canon update laurel at some point. probably to a late or post-s7 point if i ever did (i don’t have high expectations of s8). i don’t know if that’d actually change that much about her on denny, but... if it’s after the finale, she might be a little bit more distant from sara for Timeline’s Sake. and a lot of late s7 is laurel making some really desperate bad choices, to an extent she really hasn’t on denny. that might leave her a little bit... haunted. yeah this wouldn’t be different enough, i probably wouldn’t.

#denny is a cursed place #i guess it goes in my denny tag #thanks!!#rorykillmore

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filmista · 6 years

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Retrospective: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

🤖“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” 🚀

A lot of us either are a Star Wars fan, or we know someone that’s a huge fan. Either way, there’s no real way to avoid coming across it; it’s so ingrained in the collective conscience of the entire cinema frequenting world, that we all are familiar with the basics of its universe.

I’ve managed to avoid it until now during my 20 years on this planet, but I have a friend whose brother was an enormous fan of the franchise and owned multiple Star Wars sweatshirts that his sister would “borrow” but watch it she never could, because she found the whole world so far out there, that she thought it was hilarious.

But alas, one day her brother convinced her and she decided to just give it a watch and actually ended up liking it. Ever since she’s been trying to get me to watch it, without much success in her endeavor.

Until I recently got me curious about it myself, I thought if so many people love it there has to be a reason for it. And my experience was a huge success, I loved it on the second watch that is.

The very first time, I actually ruined my experience. By really not paying too much attention to it and even talk during…

My problem was the attitude with which I approached it, I was expecting to not connect to it beforehand, I had a preconceived of what Star Wars was, which is a silly blockbuster that later became a money-making machine.

Alas, I was wrong, and I deprived myself of a fantastically fun experience, because of my own preexisting conceptions.

I admit to most of the time being inclined towards and maybe respecting, so-called deeper and intellectual films more, films that I can really sink my teeth into.

I wouldn’t say I had a contempt for blockbusters and big studio films, I just generally don’t like them as much, I tend to find them over the top, too dramatic and sometimes a bit lacking in the emotional department.

But the longer I’ve been watching films, and my recent experience with Star Wars, really has taught me something, there’s nothing with a film being innocent fun and just an adventure throughout.

Afterward, I realized how ridiculous it is that I do value Jurrasic Park, which is also a huge blockbuster, but looked down on Star Wars, just because it all overall seems more plausible and is set in a world that’s still recognizable.

There’s merit in building an engaging fantasy world, and in creating characters that are instantly likable and that the audience can care about.

Star Wars (the whole franchise) has now become a piece of pop culture, and especially that first film, allows us to travel back in time, to the 70’s a particular period in cinema history, to the time of the first so-called blockbuster.

My main beef with “blockbusters” is that I’m not talking about each and every single one, there are ones that I enjoy.

But they’re often so formulaic and so played into what people will automatically like and be attracted to, and sometimes that results in something that I find lackluster, not spontaneous enough and without a fun, beating heart though.

And while Star Wars is the so-called first blockbuster, one of the films that changed film history. My dislike of it was completely unjustified. And the joke was on me because I missed out all those years.

Whilst it is a big film and expanded into something even bigger over the years: a franchise. No one really knew whether there would be sequels, but George Lucas did set up the possibility for them.

It really made marketing for these big films into a huge thing, the company in charge of making the action figures for Star Wars (Kenner) initially was unable to keep up with the demand, every kid that saw this at the time wanted one.

Now that’s something normal, but Star Wars was really the first film to start that. and it’s mostly relatively unknown cast at the time, apart from Harrison Ford (who had previously starred in the George Lucas directed, American Graffiti) were propelled into superstardom and into 70’s icons.

Everyone knows names like Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill, even if they’ve never seen a single Star Wars film. And everyone knows terms from the film, everyone knows what a lightsaber is and has a vague idea of what a Jedi is.

So aside from all of its technical merits, and there’s quite a few, it’s above all else a historical document almost as well as a darn good piece of entertainment, and that’s more than enough in a film sometimes.

And unlike some later blockbusters, Star Wars really is a charming and fun film, with a beating heart. You can see and feel the love that went into them, and the fun people involved were having.

Its dialogue is super cheesy even corny, but it works because of the way the actors deliver them and their enjoyable chemistry with one another, also the cheesy dialogue is quite charming in its own right.

The film is obviously more about what’s happening visually on screen, than any dialogue. And I think that was my problem initially, I always took it way too seriously… the terms didn’t make sense to me and annoyed me, and the world with all its creatures felt perplexing.

This time I decided to just sit back, watch and not think too much and allow myself to be absorbed by it, really allow myself to be swept into the world. And it was a radically different experience.

There are still terms of which I thought wait what is that, or what is that thing supposed to be? The truth is that doesn’t matter for one’s enjoyment of the film at all, once you stop trying to make too much sense of it, and look at it too rationally it becomes incredibly rewarding. It’s not about being realistic. the whole thing takes place in a fantasy world, Star Wars is like a surreal dream come to life. And it’s really a matter of suspending any disbelief and logical questioning and just accept that stuff is called the way it is, looks the way it is, and that it’s a world with giant slugs and rats that look tiny kangaroos.

I was never before able to just let that element of it slide, and once you do start analyzing it, it can almost become funny. This time I set to myself: you’re gonna watch this, you’re not gonna question anything or laugh at anything. And I’m certainly glad me, myself and I had a stern talk.

I generally don’t dig stuff set in space all that much or with intricate fantasy worlds. But Star Wars felt different, yes it’s in space. But it doesn’t feel confined to one space, nor does too outrageous…

There’s something so familiar about that world, something we all instinctively know of how it works and that’s almost comforting and cozy to disappear in.

It reminded me of when I would dive into comic books when I was younger, and just disappear into them an entire afternoon, Star Wars really brings back some of that childlike wonder and awe, and in that sense, it really is a purely magical film.

I watched A New Hope, whilst feeling a little under the weather, and the afternoon passed incredibly quickly, which is what good films do: they make you unaware of time and space. It’s over two hours run time, actually felt quite short this time. And I can’t wait to check out the other ones as well.

But to return to my previous point, part of why it’s so fun to disappear in and probably part of its enduring appeal and popularity is its coziness, the really lived in vibe of it all. The title also helps in this, by adding Episode to its title, it feels like being into introduced to a world that has always been there and that we’re just stumbling into it.

It also doesn’t present us with any storylines, or conventions that are hard to grasp. You get an instinctive feel of the world and its rules and conventions. When it comes down to it, it really is a simple story of good vs evil, with the classical plot point of saving a princess thrown into the mix.

The fun thing is that it does subvert some of these classical conventions, in any other story princess Leia would have waited passively for her rescue, whilst here she actually consciously chose to fight and resists until the end. At least in the first one, you don’t exactly find out why the empire is precisely so evil and why they want to rebel against it, but I figured it was just some sort of space equivalent to a fascist regime that wants to rule each and every one of the territories around it. Imperialism in space, heavy…

The first time watching this, I questioned all of that too much, but this time I was like, okay the empire is run by some evil bastards in space, there are rebels fighting against them and they’ve got plans laid to destroy their massive weapon of mega-destruction. Which is what the empire wants to recover from the rebels, but of course, we all know Leia hid them in R2D2.

Speaking of the robots, aside from their designs being super cute, as well as all the bleeps and blips. I loved how positively they were portrayed, no the robots are gonna take over and destroy all of us!

That kind of film can be good, but it would be way too negative for Star Wars. Here they’re really seen as equals by the characters, and even worthy of being friends with. As well as having a personality as defined as the humans, the whole dynamic between R2D2 and 3CPO is both hilarious and heartwarming.

And that’s again why it works so well, the lightness even the humor and all. There are moments of light bullshit almost that defy logic, like R2D2 and 3CPO talking the stormtrooper into letting them go, with the excuse of R2D2 having to go to maintenance, it’s like an almost ridiculously simple solution to the situation at hand. Lucas knows it’s nonsense, but just doesn’t care. After all, it’s part of the genre.

If you really want to dig deep (well actually not that deep) but if you insist on an intellectual side to cinema, you’ll have realized that the force is actually one big metaphor for religion, a higher power. And that some believe in it and others don’t. Han Solo literally talks about the force in terms of: “I don’t believe in any of that hokey religious stuff”.

But essentially it’s a metaphor for believing, for believing in something bigger than ourselves, that helps us overcome obstacles along our way.

The whole given of The Force is actually incredibly well handled. At first sight, it seems like mumbo-jumbo - "The Force is an energy field that flows everywhere, you have to become passive and let yourself be led by it." In other words: relax and just watch what happens.

That’s not exactly a very profound philosophy, given that it was apparently used for hundreds of years as a basis for peace and quiet in the Milky Way.

Yet it’s not bad that Lucas keeps it simple (and purposefully vague, you can see whatever you want in it) The Force is just The Force and no further bullshit. Everyone has an instinctive sense of what it is, but there are no long, pretentious monologues needed to make it work and have people grasp the concept.

Seventies icons Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher have the nominal main roles, and don’t do a bad job at all, their friendship comes across as believable and is very enjoyable to watch.

The chemistry between Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher, also reveals hints of what’s to pass between the two later on in the story. The whole cast overall has fantastic chemistry with each other, you can’t really imagine that any of them got along badly in real life, they seem to be having too much genuine fun. But it is Harrison Ford who steals the show as Han Solo. It is only with his entry into the film, 45 minutes after the beginning, that everything really comes to life. All other characters are quite serious and have serious motivations.

Princess Leia tries to save her people (although Leia is a really enjoyable character because of her boldness and sassiness), only to see her entire planet explode before her eyes. Heavy. Luke Skywalker, in turn, grew up without parents, with his uncle and aunt, who are also murdered at the beginning of the film.

And Obi-Wan is of course little more than a wisdom-spouting old man who must stay serene at all times while scratching his beard. Han Solo, on the other hand, has absolutely no melancholy background.

He is a mercenary, who is only out for money, and that gives him the freedom to spit out one-liners as much as he wants, to put his crooked grin on display and insult the other characters whenever he feels like it. 'Star Wars' is a series that keeps going in the direction of the bombastic.

Perhaps that is inevitable considering the genre film. The function of Han Solo's character is that he pierces through that bombast. Whenever it threatens to go all over the top, you just have to give him a scene, and immediately the atmosphere becomes lighter, more pleasant and enjoyable.

Another thing that can’t be avoided when talking about Star Wars, is just how beautifully worked out and brought onto the screen the whole universe is. While it’s all undeniably a product of its time and feels decidedly 70’s, it still holds up incredibly well and feels really realistic for its time.

The different locations are all incredibly gorgeous to look at, and the special effects absolutely splendid. The colors and lights of some scenes is an absolute joy. Whilst John William’s beautiful score, adds grandiosity and epicness as well as emotionally complementing certain scenes.

Star Wars is undeniably a piece of film history that can’t really be avoided. I wouldn’t have called it a masterpiece before, rather a very well made piece of entertainment. But now I’d have to change my view: a film can be a masterpiece, precisely for being an incredible piece of entertainment.

"Someone Has To Save Our Skins. Into The Garbage Chute, Fly Boy."

#I think I’ll be reviewing the two other films in the original trilogy soon #star wars #star was 1977 #star wars a new hope #star wars episode IV: a new hope #70’s cinema #george lucas #mark hamill #harrison ford #carrie fisher #movies #films #vintage review #reviews #retropsective #movie review #film review #cinema #filmista

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aion-rsa · 5 years

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New DC Universe Timeline Revealed

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The history of the DC Universe will become much more clear, as a comprehensive new timeline has been revealed.

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There are big changes coming to the DC Universe. That shouldn’t come as a surprise, as DC continuity is always in flux, something recently illustrated in the pages of Doomsday Clock, which introduced the concept of a “metaverse” that allows for events of the past to shift as new stories are told. But still, superhero history can be tricky to navigate, and DC Comics is looking to clarify it all with a new timeline.

Comic book time is a historically fluid affair, operating on a “sliding scale” that allows characters to age only at the pace necessary for the story (if at all), and very few characters are tied to specific dates in history. DC Comics continuity has generally avoided “fixing” its characters to particular points of the past, with notable exceptions for those who were necessarily of their era, like various Western heroes (Jonah Hex, Bat Lash) or the Justice Society of America, whose early adventures take place between approximately 1939 and 1950. It was generally considered that the “modern age” of DC superheroes was roughly a decade old, and everything else moved around the timeline accordingly. But with the post-Flashpoint reboot of the entire DC Universe in 2011, the traditional Justice Society were removed from the “main” DC Earth in favor of a new timeline in which superheroes had only existed for the last five years.

Since 2016’s Rebirth relaunch of the entire DC line and in the pages of The Flash, Doomsday Clock, and Justice League, the original JSA have started to reappear in the DCU, once again establishing that superheroes have been around since at least the 1940s. To further solidify this reclaimed continuity, DC is creating a comprehensive timeline of major events in DCU history, the first of its kind in roughly a decade, and apparently the most significant continuity-shaping effort since 1994’s continuity altering Zero Hour event.

“When we launched the New 52 there was a lot of great excitement that came along with that,” Dan Didio told the DC Nation panel at NYCC. “For us, it helped validate a lot of things we knew. There’s a large fanbase that loves our characters and they were looking to come in at a place where they were interesting, exciting, and new and fresh. But what might have slipped up was that while we started everything brand new, when we started getting deeper in, we didn’t spend the same amount of time as we did at the start to figure out what worked into continuity and what didn’t.”

Two key complaints about the New 52 era were the loss of legacy characters like Wally West, and the question of what “happened” in the newly compressed timeline and what didn’t. Issues of legacy (and hints about the timeline) were addressed in 2016’s DC Universe: Rebirth special, and Didio told the NYCC crowd they’re ready to solve the rest.

“We know that what’s important about comics is that immersive sense of what the world is, what’s going on, and how it all works together,” Didio said. “When we see things happening in film and television where they’re building universes, and if we’re not doing it in comics, the place that inspired them, then we seem like we’re failing. So we’re starting to figure out how the DC line works a little bit better now.”

This doesn’t mean that yet another reboot of DC Comics continuity is in the cards. Instead, it sounds like DC will continue their tradition of simply revealing new elements of history or slightly reshuffling chronology as needed, without the need for a New 52-style hard reset. In the wake of Rebirth, DC revealed that Wally West had a career with Barry Allen, a past with Dick Grayson, and a history with the Titans, all of which (including the main era of the Titans itself) had merely been forgotten. Recent events in the pages of Doomsday Clock and Justice League have reintroduced the Justice Society both to continuity and in their original era, while in the pages of Superman, the Legion of Super-Heroes (albeit a rebooted version, to be fair) made their return.

“The whole idea here right now is from our standpoint we are trying to organize our stories in a way that makes cohesive sense from beginning to end, from the start of DC Comics to today,” Didio said. “This timeline will build a continuity that makes sense across all our characters, showing when they were first introduced, how they interact with each other in one big story that will be the basis for all DC Comics for the future...What you see right now is a story that will be consistent, because ultimately, when you guys get all upset or concerned about reboots and restarts, those things occur because the stories stop making sense and the continuity basically slows down our storytelling and nothing’s being done at the same style or pace.”

To keep things on track, DC continuity has been split into “generations.” An intricate spreadsheet was flashed on the NYCC screens that identified four generations of DC storytelling, and hinted at what’s to come.

Perhaps the biggest reveal was that Generation 1 begins not with Superman, but with Wonder Woman. “When Wonder Woman arrives in the United States, that starts our storytelling,” Didio said, before joking, “Oh wait, I don’t remember reading that.”

It’s true. Diana has never been considered the starting point for DC superheroes, with that honor traditionally going to either Superman or the JSA. But making Wonder Woman DC’s first major costumed hero makes sense, especially given the success of the first Wonder Woman movie, which placed her first appearance during World War I. From the spreadsheet shown on the screen, the Justice Society would form shortly after (and recent events in Justice League place their formation in 1940, roughly around the time of their first publication). Generation 1 appears to end with the disbanding of the Justice Society, but it was tough to get a good look.

“The start of the second generation is the advent of the modern age of heroes, when Superman first appears,” Didio said, before joking “wait a minute, I don’t remember reading that either!” Whatever DC has planned, it seems like key moments in DC history will be explored once this full timeline is revealed.

Generation 2 also looks like it includes the formation of the Justice League, the discovery of the multiverse, the rise of Robin, Batgirl, and the Teen Titans, and all the way through Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Generation 3 appears to include the post-Crisis years, including massive, status quo changing events of the ‘90s and early 2000s like the death of Jason Todd in Death in the Family, the Death of Superman, Grant Morrison’s JLA run, and others, before ending with Flashpoint.

Generation 4 encompasses the current era of DC storytelling, roughly Rebirth to now, including recent events like Dark Nights: Metal, Doomsday Clock, and Year of the Villain.

This isn’t comprehensive and is only what I could spot at a distance on the screens. And it should be made clear that these “generations” aren’t tied to the eras in which their stories were published. In other words, even though Generation 3 includes stories published between 1986 and 2011, the events themselves almost certainly all took place within the last 5-10 years of DC Comics time. The “sliding scale” of comics time will apply to everything other than the characters and events (such as the formation of the JSA) that they feel are essential to their era.

During other interviews at New York Comic Con, I tried to get notable DC creators to spill some details about the timeline. They were understandably and diplomatically vague.

Joshua Williamson, the architect of the Flash’s past and future since 2016, had this to say when asked if he had considered the new timeline when crafting The Flash: Year One, “ I think next year you'll see where things start to line up, and there's things that will tie back into The Flash: Year One that you'll see were left behind on purpose,” Williamson says. “There were little clues in there, these little clues I've been planting in the book for a long time, so you'll see it will all add up eventually.”

Recently, Justice League even reintroduced the Will Payton version of Starman, not as a contemporary hero, but one who was first active in the late 1980s and early 1990s. In other words, roughly the period when he was first published in a comic series by Roger Stern and Tom Lyle. Justice League, written by Scott Snyder and James Tynion IV, has been re-establishing the very rules and core concepts of the DC Universe from the outset, and hints of DC’s new timeline can be found there.

“The biggest thing that we can say is we're right in the midst of the biggest story that we've told, and all of the threads that we've been playing with the start of Dark Nights: Metal are starting to converge and hit in this really, really big way,” Tynion says. “We have lots more answers to a lot of these questions that we really can't get into. We want people speculating, we want people wondering what we're building and all of that, because we're building something that I think long-term fans of the DC Universe and new fans of the DC Universe are going to be thrilled by. The stories that we're telling are some of the most exciting work that I've done since joining DC Comics eight years ago. It's freaking amazing working with Scott and bringing it all to life.”

We’ll have more from Scott Snyder, James Tynion IV, and Joshua Williamson about their corners of the DC Universe in the coming days.

(Thanks to Jim Dandy for helping me keep all this straight!)

Mike Cecchini is the Editor in Chief of Den of Geek. You can read more of his work here. Follow him on Twitter @wayoutstuff.

Read and download the Den of Geek NYCC 2019 Special Edition Magazine right here!

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Feature Mike Cecchini

Oct 8, 2019

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mercenarypark · 7 years

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medic hcs

Em made a big hc post for heavy a few days ago [here] and ive been meaning 2 finally do the same w/ medic bcause im gay

note: while i try to be brief about the details, this post is about a gay jewish man in Germany during wwii. to set aside any initial worries, no, he is never kept in the camps- as a jewish person myself it sickens me deep in my stomach to even think of that possibility. but there’s still mentions of n/zism and antisemitism, as one would expect.

also, a fair amount of the details of my medic hcs for his childhood are based on the german side of my family, primarily my grandfather and his father. while i still only know a little about my family history[tm], details like medic’s last name, how his family were able to lay low, etc, are based on the little bits and pieces ive heard from my grandmother #antisemitism #nazism #homophobia #transphobia #satanism #long post #text heavy #tf2 #gore text #medical abuse #malpractice #experimentation mention

-Medic was born roughly around 1925- he’s in his early 40s around when the game takes place- to the name [redacted] Reichstein. the Reichsteins were reviled in their little town as mad doctors, which was at least somewhat true- they certainly weren’t shy to experimentation on body parts and [willing] subjects. but a good part of the hatred for them stemmed from Good Old Antisemitism, focusing their hate on the fact that they were an openly jewish family and saying that that must be influencing their occasionally morally dubious behavior

-for the longest time, though, people tolerated them- they were the only doctors around, after all. but as time went on, the disgusted glances turned to hate speech, turned to violent threats, and eventually, to violent actions.

-medic’s father, who had long since been debating on moving, finally packed the family up[against his wife’s wishes], and within a night, their home and lab were deserted.

-his father could tell that something terrible was coming. he brought down an ultimatum- they would have to abandon everything jewish about themselves in order to survive. medic was young, still, and didn’t fully understand the severity of why his father seemed so adamant that they never mention holidays they once celebrated, why their old family photos were torn and burned, why his mother was constantly reprimanded when her Yiddish roots showed through her accent

-medic’s father pulled a few favors, and before they moved into a new city, the family name was changed to Reich- a more acceptable, more German name. Reichstein could raise eyebrows, lead to questioning about jewish roots, but there have always been many Reichs in Germany.

-that’s also when Medic got his birthname changed to Ludwig, and he and his mother had to fight like hell for that. his father argued that the last thing they needed was another target on their back- if anyone found out that his son “wasn’t really a boy”, then that would bring the entire family under scrutiny and into danger.

-ludwig refused to take no for an answer. ludwig had always been someone who would rather die than pretend that he’s something he’s not, and this was one of the first signs of that. while he didnt fully understand his connection to judaism, yet, and thus didnt fight to keep it at the time; he DID understand that he wasn’t a girl, and by God did he refuse to pretend otherwise.

-eventually his father relented, though he never once forgot and throughout medic’s childhood, he would bring up how risky it was, how medic was potentially endangering them all.

-to clarify: his father DID technically accept his son being transgender, but he wanted him to repress it, ignore it, force it down and never bring it up, much like their jewish heritage. ludwig refused, and his father never liked that. [when ludwig grew older and became both openly gay AND became a practicing jew again, his father nearly had a fucking heart attack]

-ludwig was heavily isolated for most of his childhood after they moved, partially due to the war’s beginning, partially because his father was afraid of his son giving something away. he was homeschooled by his mother, and rarely left the house, instead spending most of his time playing with the family’s cockatoo, or in his father’s operating room, learning human anatomy

-this isolation[alongside his autism, and veritable cocktail of mental illnesses] helped contribute to medic’s general inability to understand how to interact with people- he is oblivious at the best of times, has no concept of personal space, rarely catches social cues, and has Awful attachment issues. he is overly affectionate with anyone he is even vaguely friendly with, he tends to ramble and talk about uncomfortably personal things without realizing its a bad thing, etc, etc, he is a mess and a half

-he does understand bits and pieces- for example, if he’s physically affectionate with someone, they tend to tense up, and try to get away from him, which means he’s doing something wrong. the problem is that he doesnt understand WHAT he’s doing wrong, or why it’s wrong[answer: he’s covered in blood and bird shit and holding at least one[1] human liver]

-speaking of physical affection, the first time engineer affectionately puts a hand on medic’s shoulder medic fucking freaks out because aside from his parents, NO ONE. no one has ever initiated Friendly Physical Contact with him. usually because theyre freaked out by him in some way. he has no idea how to cope with the fact that someone might actually think of him in a friendly manner to the point of expressing that physically [aside from sexually, which is a whole other story and a half]

-but im getting ahead of myself. the first time ludwig killed a man was when he was 17. a nazi soldier paid an unexpected visit to the Reichs. ludwig, scared for his family’s sake and overwhelmed with a boiling hatred for nazis that had simmered for all of his childhood, killed the man

-his father reacted violently, ranting that now they were doomed, but his mother helped ludwig destroy the body and evidence. by the grace of God, no other nazi followed up that visit- the soldier hadn’t told anyone where he was going, and there had been no witnesses to his visit. and germany was so chaotic at the time, that eventually the man's death was attributed to a previously unnoticed casualty in battle

-that was the first man ludwig killed, and also the first of many, many nazis. he spent a good stretch of his adult life hunting down nazis who had gone under the radar, trying to hide their past ties while still keeping the same disgusting views.

-as ive mentioned, in medical school, ludwig not only became openly gay, but returned to his jewish roots. no longer under his father's roof, and now that the war was over, medic saw no reason to hide aspects of himself any longer. and God help everyone who felt otherwise. especially once the most violently hateful dissenters, began to mysteriously disappear.

-throughout his adult life medic has had Multiple short term, non-serious relationships [including more than his fair share of one night stands], and maybe two serious relationships prior to heavy. neither of those ended well, citing ludwigs mental Fuckery as a big issue. speaking of, his mental fuckery has helped him get into at least a couple abusive relationships, which i wont detail beyond "he survived and healed".

-while he is Jewish, he is the kind of jew who criticizes god every step of the way. at least part of this is due to having to survive during the Shoah.

-the Shoah definitely fucked his mind up. the constant fear for his parents and himself, and the burning hatred for the nazis and everyone who agreed with them or stood back and let them take over, and just overall a horrible sense of helplessness, definitely contributed to a lot of his future mental fuckery, and to his feelings about God. as an adult, and as a doctor, he took the feeling of helplessness he had as a teenager, and flipped it around dramatically- if god didnt help him then, he’d have to become better than god. he would bring retribution where others didnt, and bring power and life to those god would not help.

-he sold his soul to satan sometime around his mid-30s. [this is a sentence that sounds really fucking weird if u dont know much about tf2.] there are a few reasons behind that, but im only gonna talk about one:

-as i've said, medic spent a lot of time murdering nazis who had tried to go into hiding. that's difficult when theyre trying very, very hard to cover up their past. medic struck a deal with satan- in exchange for the names, aliases, and locations of ex-nazis in hiding, he would kill them and send them straight to hell. his soul was just to sweeten the deal.

-ludwig does a Lot of experiments on captured and dead nazis, especially the painful ones. the ol' "removing a patient's skeleton" story was of a nazi officer medic had caught, and medical licence or not, ludwig would do it again in an instant

-medic's flock of homing pigeons, stolen from a wedding van, are like family to him. the original, stolen generation had more pretentious names, as named by their previous owner- mostly well known scientists and philosophers[Archimedes, Newton, Nietzsche, etc]. most of the pigeons he named himself have biblical, jewish names [Mordecai, Elijah, Rebecca, etc]

-ludwig is absolutely never prim, proper, or orderly. if he is wearing a coat that DOESNT have blood and bird shit on it, wait 5 minutes and check again

-he has a tendency to hyperfocus on something and forget things like "humans need food and water to live". heavy usually helps him remember

-medic snores. loudly. and it sounds fucking awful. heavy is, sadly, a very light sleeper. it takes a loooong time for him to finally be able to sleep through medic's snoring, and it winds up being one of the only things he actually CAN sleep through. god help you if you step on a creaky board halfway down the hall, though, because heavy will wake up in an Instant

-if tf2 were in modern times, ludwig's music taste would include a Lot of kesha, klezmer music, black metal, and so on. its varied, is what im saying

-medic, pyro, and soldier all get along surprisingly well together, because they all have a case of "same brain? same brain!", all of them have issues dealing with other people and have problems with processing/understanding things, have trouble w/ psychotic episodes and the like, overall their minds are all wired oddly but somehow they can understand /each other/

-scout accidentally becomes medic's unofficial adopted daughter and thats a whole post and a half on its own. suffice to say medic would do anything for her

-engie, demo, and medic are all Science Gays

-medic also does his best to help demo with his Absolutely Massive Amounts of Trauma and Self Loathing, by at least being a supportive shoulder to lean on when demo tries to drink himself unconscious to forget it all. hes absolutely terrible most of the time at actually saying anything to help, but he can be a good presence, and he has birds. birds help anything

-he has a very casual fling going with spy, since early on in their time at the base. its usually in a state of "on-again off-again", with the latter usually having something to do with how spy acts with scout.

-obviously theres a lot i could say about heavy and medic's relationship, but to put it briefly- theres a loooong time where both of them are "i dont understand social interaction" gays.

-medic is the "i literally dont understand how to act around people im attracted to or that me being extremely overaffectionate around you is due to the fact that im falling in love with you, i dont catch your vague hints towards the fact that you feel the same about me because you literally need to hit me over the head with something in order to get me to catch onto it" gay

-heavy is the "i have spent so many years repressing so much of myself and keeping quiet and not drawing attention to myself, that i physically cannot bring myself to be up front about the fact that im attracted to you. im also afraid of misintepreting signals and i am instead going to assume your over-affectionate attitude is platonic and i am misreading things" gay

-eventually they figure things out and its good and soft and gay

ok its 3 AM and ive been writing on this for at least an hour and a half and i told Em i would go to bed by now dhgfkhhj

#captain's log #ask to tag /#reblog if u want idc /#im tired hfglghjkhjh #tf2 posts

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