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whumpofalltime · 8 months

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friends, enemies, lurkers, we've made it to the

Whump Of All Time Finals!

What's the whumpiest whump of all time? Help us decide!

Find links and propaganda under the cut. Quarterfinalist and later match-ups are untagged, so your votes and reblogs matter! Make sure you click through to the main blog to find the run-off poll to crown third place, as well!

ROTK:

(spider attack, rescue)

"The Lord of The Rings, when Frodo gets bitten by a giant spider and left for dead by Sam at the end of The Two Towers, and then when Sam finds him in The Return of the King being held prisoner and whipped by an orc."

The Young Blood Chronicles (Save Rock and Roll's music videos, Fall Out Boy):

(link)

"Everyone gets bloodied, bruised, beaten up, tortured, rescued, limbs are amputated - it's brutal. Alone Together is particularly strong."

sorry for being late, but you want YBC propaganda? then you're getting YBC propaganda. I know you're a FOB fan, but I will be writing this for the benefit of those who don't know what YBC is, for better propaganda purposes! and yeah this is gonna be LONG. sorry.

So! The Youngblood Chronicles (shortened to YBC) is a series of 11 music videos made by the band Fall Out Boy, for their album Save Rock And Roll (you know this album, it's the one with My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark on it). The whole thing is quite short, less than fifty minutes long (even shorter if you don't count the uncut version's credits!!), and every single music video has some element of whump in it. This propaganda is gonna break down each individual music vid, and at i'll also talk a little bit about the irl context the album was written in, and why even THAT can be a little bit whumpy if you're insane like me!

(note: i'm going in the original release order over the uncut order, hence why i'm starting with MSKWYDITD instead of The Phoenix)

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark: Arguably the least whump-y out of all of them, but man, seeing all of Fall Out Boy's discography and memorabilia be burnt while people are dancing around the destruction? Man, when you know the real life stuff (the reception the band had in 2009, leading to them to take a three year hiatus)... and at the end, you see four guys bound in the back of a van!! And that van is getting burnt!! Burn everything you love and burn the... ashes.

The Phoenix: NOW here's the first of MANY whump tastes you'll get. Patrick Stump, the singer/cutie of the band, gets kidnapped, tied to a chair, has his hand CHOPPED OFF and mailed to his bandmate/best friend Pete Wentz, then gets tied down and utterly tortured by women who are laughing at his misery the entire time, getting prodded and stabbed by tools for... well, you'll see. By the end of the video, Pete and the other two members of FOB (Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley) have been kidnapped by these mysterious women too, with Pete specifically getting kidnapped by the blonde woman he was in bed with when Patrick's hand got delivered to him. If you enjoy cute boys getting tied down, covered in blood, and writhing around like worms while getting tortured... well you'll enjoy all of YBC but specifically you'll enjoy this!! I did :D! The war is won, before it's begun, release the doves, surrender love...

Young Volcanoes: Good news, FOB has been reunited! Bad news, by the women who dismembered Patrick! And now all the band members are tied to chairs, hooked up to IVs full of god knows what types of drugs, and blindfolded (all except Patrick). They are then forced to drink, snort hard drugs, and are force fed Patrick's organs! Yep, all four of them are forced to eat their lead singer's guts, and are so fucking drugged up they don't even realize what's happening (and now you know what the women were doing to him in the last mv, and you even get a nice little shot of the hack job of stitching him back up)!! Patrick hallucinates everyone having fun, but of course, at the end, all of them are knocked out because of the drugs. Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?

Alone Together: This is the song the OG propaganda mentioned, and for good reason. All four of them are shipped off into little personalized torture rooms, and, well, tortured! Pete is able to break out and even steals the hook from the girl who was torturing him, but little does he know that'll be his own undoing... also, in general, this song has some whumpy elements, specifically the line "my heart is like a stallion/they love it more when it's broke-in"... but notice how easy it is to hear "broke-in" as "broken"! At the end of the video, Pete is at least able to find Patrick (Joe and Andy have NOT been having a good time, either!! But sadly, they aren't found by Pete, but Pete DOES find Big Sean), and is even able to attach the hook to the stump (ha!) where his hand used to be. But something is clearly wrong with Patrick now. His eyes are yellow, and as the song ends, we hold on him, sneering and twitching. This is the road to ruin - and we're started at the end...

The Mighty Fall: First off if you say this is the worst song off of SRAR I will hunt you for sport. OKAY ANYWAYS, chronologically this comes after MSKWYDITD, and yeah, the four guys are the members of FOB. Pete is able to free himself with Patrick's new hook hand, and is able to get the other three out while Pete is hacking up a lung from the fire they just barely escaped. But they're not done getting their shit rocked yet. A gang of children show up (the leader being the kid Patrick waved at right before he was kidnapped back in the Phoenix MV), and proceed to separate them and beat the living shit out of them. The leader kid who's chasing Patrick plays something on a boombox... which triggers Patrick to go yellow-eyed again (from here on out i'll call it "going Youngblood" or "Youngblood self"). It was confirmed in the commentary track that ANY music would cause him to go Youngblood. And knowing Patrick IRL fucking loves to create/compose music... yeah! Take something he loves and turn it into something that drives him insane!! I'm normal!! And also the irl parallel you could draw to his solo career doing the same thing to him (on a less uh Dramatic level but you know)!!! Ouch!!!! Big Sean is able to save Patrick, but at the cost of his own life (and a killer rap verse... HELL YEAH I'M A DICK GIRL, ADDICTED TO YOU). Oh, how the mighty fall in love...

Just One Yesterday: The last vestiges of comfort you're gonna get for a WHILE. The four are separated, getting even more beaten up, Pete vomits up a snake, Andy gets his shit rocked by a homeless guy, Joe has to use white sheets as a makeshift tourniquet bc his leg got fucked up in The Mighty Fall MV, and Patrick is picked up by a kind stranger (hi Foxes! you have a very pretty voice! PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL!). And finally, finally we get a hope spot. Fall Out Boy is reunited (the part where Andy just grabs onto Patrick's arm, in disbelief they're both alive... augh!!! AUGH!!!!), and for a moment, it seems they've been delivered to a hospital... before Foxes' eyes go completely black, looking at Patrick... and turns on the radio. She's able to trigger the Youngblood. And now Patrick is gone. The other three scramble into the hospital, Patrick not far behind, determined to kill them to stop the noise in his head. If Heaven's grief brings Hell's reign, then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday...

Where Did The Party Go: Patrick, now fully consumed by the Youngblood brainwashing, is now stalking his bandmates in a hospital. Patrick is seeing visions of the hospital as an abandoned party, Andy has to painfully disinfect the wounds he's gotten, Pete is able to call for the police, and Joe... oh, poor Joe. He barricades himself into a room, but not well enough. Patrick finds him, and kills him, slitting his throat with the hook hand, showing no remorse at all... until Andy and Pete find them. The Youngblood wears off, and Patrick looks to what he's done, and is horrified at what he's done to his friend. And, bad news for him, the police are here, ready to arrest the murderer. All Andy and Pete can do is watch as tears roll down Patrick's eyes. And for the extra IRL context, this was the first song written for the album that made Pete and Patrick realize they had to get FOB back together... so lets match that with a music video where the member who helped get the band together in the first place dies. By the hands of the kid he found. Let's fade away together, one dream at a time...

Death Valley: Joe gets... uh, a little comfort? I mean, he thinks he's getting sent to heaven but goes to hell, buuuuut I think doing drugs in rock and roll hell with Tommy Lee is actually a pretty sweet deal, better than the deal the other three got! Pete and Andy are being interrogated while Patrick is in a jail cell. We find out that the cult that kidnapped them, Silence the Noise, is lead by Pete's girlfriend from WAAAAY back in the Phoenix MV, Courtney Love. And at the end of the MV... Patrick is bailed out of jail by Silence the Noise. They have him again. And this time, they're not gonna let him walk out until he's fully under their control. 'Cause tonight it's just fire alarms and losing you...

Rat a Tat: Silence the Noise has Patrick, and they utterly brainwash him, A Clockwork Orange style, with electroshock stimulation to keep him from looking away or closing his eyes, until there is nothing left. Patrick Stump does not exist anymore. Only the Youngblood, pliant under the control of Silence the Noise, tasked to destroy what he once loved; music. Andy dies at the hands of the cult, and now Pete has to protect a briefcase, the thing that got them into this mess, and keep it away from Silence the Noise, all while his best friend hunts him down. Are you ready for another bad poem?

Miss Missing You: THE WHUMPIEST OF THE WHUMP. What if we were best friends but you've been driven insane and I know the only way to stop you is to kill you and it was my fault you got into this mess and I was the one who gave you the weapon that will be my own undoing. What if we both died at the same time. What if we died, both of us failing the mission we had before us. What if that was a reference to one of their first music videos. What if this song was originally written for Patrick's solo album but he realized it was more of a Fall Out Boy song so it was scrapped until now. What if there's a legit argument to be made that half the lyrics for this song was written by Patrick. What if we were both boys. Grips walls, yeha i'm normal. If you don't watch ANY other music vid, watch Miss Missing You. Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Save Rock And Roll: And our final track gives us a final bit of comfort. Patrick is able to overcome the Youngblood, and gets into heaven, where all of FOB is finally, finally reunited. God (aka Elton John) gives them new instruments and brings them back to earth, so they can do what they love; play music together. Which just so happens to release people from the control of Silence the Noise! But, because we can't have nice things, a cult within Silence the Noise got a hold of the briefcase, and summoned a spirit that starts to kill everyone. FOB stands together, and blasts the evil spirit, the blood coming up to the gates of heaven and covering Elton John in it. And... that's how it ends. No true resolution. Just Elton John covered in blood, as the song fades out. Oh, no! Wherever I go, go! Trouble seems to follow! I only plugged in to save rock and roll!

UH. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH. but i really wanted to express just how much WHUMP they manage to fit into less than fifty minutes, all backed by an amazing album colored by the three years they were apart. colored by how they grew, colored by how bad the hiatus was for Patrick specifically, colored by how Confessions of a Pariah got Pete to reach out to help him, and this album came out of it, Fall Out Boy came back out of it, and now here we are, ten years later, with the title track being performed every night for their concert, with all the band singing the final lines together, and the line you are what you love, not who loves you hitting every single night.

SORRY. LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY. thanks for letting me rant.

#final round #tournament poll

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magemelonart · 5 months

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probably should have mentioned this before— but now is a better time than ever.

I am having a lot of difficulties right now concerning my hands and arms. I may have a form of neuropathy or carpal tunnel, possibly a pinched nerve. anything I do just hurts after doing so for a prolonged periods of time. i can't draw and I can't lie down without them going numb and/or hurting (because they are going numb)

Its not blood flow, it is not blood clots or bones or anything like that. The doctors I've seen have said it's a nerve issue. to add, my middle fingers on both hands as well as my ring on my right are numb at the tips. just. Numb. The needle feeling. All the time. It gets crazy infuriating and there are points I'm just trying to work through it and I can't feel the pencil in my hand. At one point, the numbness was so severe that brushing my teeth and holding up my hand to do so would make my entire forearm lose feeling.

With that being said... Art is immensely difficult and infuriating right now. I've had to completely drop drawing things I drew for months to something else completely without much support at all, and it's been fucking hard!!! I always feel burnt out/tired and I don't feel fit to attend college. I'm nearly 20 and I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into failure because I can't imagine having a job and committing myself so greatly to something because ive been taught that half-assing it has always succeeded, while hard work is never if ever recognized.. i just.. ugh.

I would really, really love some support. I apologize if this is begging, but I've been so silent about it for so long that I don't know how much I can do it. Thank you so much.

#artists on tumblr

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houseoffourcats · 10 months

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What Do You Need to Know Right Now? Pick a Deck and Find Out!

If you enjoyed this, please check out my Etsy page for more in-depth and personal readings!

1. Tarot of the Divine

Four of Swords Reversed - The Devil - X of Cups

The central card here - literally and figuratively - is the one Major Arcana card in this spread, namely the Devil. This read is primarily about a struggle between you and your most harmful or counterproductive tendencies.

You’ve been extremely burnt out and given yourself no time to rest, so you’re looking for other ways to cope. Because of stress, your impulse control isn’t as good as it could be right now. The key here, though, is that you’re actively struggling. You might not win every day against procrastination, addiction, self-injury or whatever it is that you’re using to self-soothe. Instead of shaming yourself for that, you should adopt a harm reduction approach, starting with the ways it’s affecting other people (if at all). The good news is, there are a lot of people who care about you, and they’ll be there to cheer you on through the difficult times.

Do what you can with what you have - including outside support - and you’ll come out the other side feeling proud of yourself and fulfilled by the life you’ve built.

2. Rider Waite Smith Tarot

IX of Cups - III of Swords - IV of Wands

What stands out here is that we have multiples of three, except they’re out of order. This speaks to the idea of rebuilding from a loss, and that things won’t necessarily be the same as they were even if they turn out well.

You’ve suffered a loss or betrayal that’s shaken the foundation of your happiness. It may have been recently, or it may be a lingering wound that’s affecting your ability to move forward and trust others. You remember what it was like to be in a good emotional place, and you want it to be as it was. It’s not as easy as just moving on or getting over it, though. What you need is a major victory in your life to give you something in the present to celebrate and build on. If nothing else, you have the chance to redefine yourself now outside of the relationship, job, or other situation that fell apart on you.

Easier said than done, though. You might have to try a bunch of things to figure out first what distracts you from what happened, and then what holds your interest enough to get good at it. When you come out the other side of it, you’ll be, if nothing else, less isolated than you were even at the height of the good times you remember from before.

3. Owl House Tarot

The Empress - King of Pentacles - V of Cups

A theme that stands out in this reading is motherhood, between the figure of the Empress and the person featured in the V of Cups being the main character’s mother.

You’re going to need to be the “mom friend” to someone in your life who’s going through a major loss right now. In more gender neutral terms, someone you know will need a nurturing, stable presence in their life who can validate what they’re going through. They won’t in a place to move forward yet, so hold off on giving them advice for a while. You may have to take care of them in a more direct sense - bringing them food or inviting them out to places if they’re self-isolating, for instance.

It’s important to draw on your own experiences of loss here. What helped you? What would’ve helped you that you wanted but didn’t have when you were grieving? If you know what the person in your life would want you to do, of course you should do that. If on the other hand you need to back off for a while to take care of yourself, be kind in setting boundaries. The main thing is to be acting from a place of empathy and patience.

—

Thanks for your time! I hope you enjoyed this. If so, please check out my Etsy page for more in-depth and personal readings!

In the meantime, here’s Mina, tired after a long day of having to be a cat:

#tarot #tarot reading #tarotblr #pick a deck #pick a pile #bonus cat picture

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the-crying-king · 1 year

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On my way to work today I drove past my job and went to the hospital

For so long now ive been in so much physical pain, my chest was so tight and my heart hurt. The breathing was getting harder day by day. I started getting dizzy or lightheaded at work thinking I might pass out or vomit. I have regular panic attacks but this felt like a constant panic attack and I couldn't take the pain anymore.

I didn't realize holding an amorous amount of mental stress for a long period of time could cause so much physical damage. Its just stress right? Life is stressful, everyone deals with stress shut up, right?

If you're feeling burnt out.. please please let yourself relax. Your studies aren't worth the pain. Your job isn't worth the pain. Take care of your mental health the best you can

#burnout #tw hospital #personal stuff

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rianafying · 3 months

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i’m starving and i’m hungover and i’m in trouble. my sd card got corrupted and i might lose all the work i’ve done in january, which is a LOT of work. i just need to talk to my friends. the timing is bad because they’re either at work or asleep rn. i’m about to throw up.

it’s fine i reached them, after they woke up. spoke to friends, i feel better emotionally. but worse physically because it’s been so long since i’ve had some food. any food. there’s so much shit i need to buy but no money to buy them. i’m scared that one of these days i’ll have to resort to ebegging. i don’t want to do that. because im not even doing that bad but i feel terrible. and im prone to heavily catastrophizing every situation im faced with. somehow i have linked this sd card failure to the downfall of my career that i have worked so hard to build. if you dont have catastrophizing anxiety, you dont know what it feels like to imagine every single worst possible outcome and believe it to be true. but somehow throughout my life, it has been. what i feared kept coming true. but fearing it and being paralysed by it, didn’t help my case. apparently it’s in my brain chemistry to do this and also to have chronic pain. apparently there’s something wrong in my hypothalamus, pituitary gland, amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. they’re are all fucked up and feel wayyy more pain than is ever necessitated. i feel like im spiralling out of control at a faster rate than i can reel it back in. for most of my life ive been getting wounded more than i could heal. and now im limping my way through life, and hating almost every second of it despite trying so hard not to.

i had a full breakdown today, worse than other breakdowns. i feel super defeated. people are being nice to me. somehow that is making me feel even worse. things keep going wrong. there is no escaping tragedy.

day 3 of this same journal entry. i’m officially out of money. even my coins. i have a little bit of usd in my absolute emergency fund, but i really don’t want to have to touch that. i have a week to go before i get paid a bit of money. which will still not be enough because i had to use afterpay to buy some necessary stuff at kmart, and now i have to pay it back. things rlly are tough out here. thinking i should not fix my laptop and instead spend that money like normal. like use it to get by nicely for a while. then what? at what point will i be able to get a real regular job? i found out for sure this month that i can’t make it to work on 25% of days due to my illness. so what work could i do. rlly upset about losing the images on my sd card. i haven’t permanently lost them yet, but, it’s far too expensive to recover. i was considering recovering the data when im in bangladesh but i dont think id trust the data recovery service in dhaka anyway. they’ll probably fail at the task and also ruin my card. things are so wrong rn. my microwave, my pan, my passport, my myki, my financial situation, the burnt skin on my face, my psoriasis and arthritis, my hair situation, my multiple severe nutritional deficiencies and chronic pain, my various mental illnesses, my awful dirty room, my inability to work on any, let alone every, one of these problems. i just get paralysed and bed rot for days. this is officially too much for me. it’s too many things to deal with. i’m not built for even half of this. how can i give up without like kms, like what’s another way to give up? because bed rotting isn’t cutting it. i could really use some help. when i asked for help, my uncle said to visit my friend in sydney, or to visit bangladesh, neither of which is going to actually help my situation, because ill be miserable regardless of where i am, until my problems have been resolved. and both of these things are expensive as fuck, like, what’s a girl supposed to do. i don’t wanna go on a $200 trip to sydney when my sd card requires a $400 data recovery. that’s just the tip of the iceberg that is my situation.

no amount of talking to people, or going on trips is going to solve my problems. which is painful for me to say because i’ve been dying to do something fun for once. not that i don’t have fun in melbourne i do, but that’s cause i try to enjoy work, and romanticise the life i already have. and because im not yet a local local, i can still experience melbourne like a tourist. with fresh eyes. anyway, yeah, im deleting bumble because its stupid, let’s be real im never gonna go on a date w a strangers plus i dont even respond to people because im obviously not ready to actually give this a chance. not yet at least. costar says i let my need for stability stunt relationship growth. but i’m okay with that, or at least i would be if i had any stability. right now i feel like i have the short end of every stick. no it feels like i have no stick at all. the universe or god or whatever is out there is giving me a huge middle finger and laughing at my suffering.

they say that i’m overthinking or that even if there is a problem there’s a solution. what’s the solution to not having enough money to solve my problems? by the time i might have money, these problems will have caused critical damage. what’s the solution to the weight i carry around from never feeling safe or loved my whole entire life. what’s the solution to the mother shaped void in my heart. what’s the solution to the fear of losing my sibling and friends. i cope, and i deal, but it never really goes away. even now as i’ve hit my weekly rock bottom, i’m trying to list things to be grateful for, to see the glass as half full. but i can’t lie, the glass is not half full. i’ve been running on a nearly empty tank for as long as i can remember. even if i somehow manage to get my tank full, there’s like holes in it that can never be permanently patched. i destroy everything i touch, i let down everyone i know, and i keep getting chances. i don’t need another chance. i need a break. i don’t want to prove myself, unless it is to prove that i fail.

i’m told that the broader focus of my life during this time is to clear away built-up structures that have been holding me back. excess is not always abundance. i’m supposed to decide what's worth keeping and what to pass up. apparently my sense of well-being relies on my willingness to seize new opportunities, which is a commendable move for someone who will only settle for all or nothing. “use this moment to streamline your aesthetic by getting rid of excess that no longer gives you pleasure.” this could not be more on the nose. fine i’ll pack some stuff up and head drop it in a donation bin. it will clear up some space in my room too. this might be good. give me some literal and also mental space to work with. also on the nose is “make sure you're not doing that thing where you over-intellectualize your experience, and then convince yourself that you know all the laws of the universe.” okay i get it. thank you for spelling it out for me. maybe now i will finally listen. i’m certainly being spied on. most of life is out of my control but i choose joy.

i couldn’t attend the invasion day protest today because i was on the phone talking a loved one out of killing herself. i shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s not like i had a choice in that scenario. i’m told that in most scenarios, there is no such thing as “fault”. if my goal was to shift blame, i could use all the words in the world to make myself innocent, but that’s not what i want, that’s not what i’m familiar with.

i think that maybe i would like to have a fresh start. i dont know what a fresh start would even look like. to go back in time a couple of years? how many years? at what point was it fresh? go back to when i was born? be born to different people? be a different person? a fresh start to me would be one in which so much is different from how my life is right now, that i don’t know how it would even be mine. this is who i am, all the terrible things that make up, well, me. and a fresh start wouldn’t be me, or it wouldn’t be fresh. i’m stale and im crusty, to the core of my being.

maybe i just need to go on a walk.

#personal #journal entry

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shoeshoesho · 1 year

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March 17, 2023

i haven’t written in a while. I haven’t felt this bad in a while. I cant really put my finger on it. And to be honest now that i should be writing about it i find myself too tired to even dive in. Im tired of being tired. Im tired of being upset. Without even discussing the issue, the buddhist way would sound like this: Be less self centered. Everything that happens, happens. We are the creator of this reality that is in pain and anguish. We paint this landscape we feel. i feel bad at my job. I feel attached to this identity of my job. I tally my mistakes and reason with my own myself- why don’t you just quit? I feel tired and burnt out. I think to myself. Is that just an excuse for your mistakes? Or are these just excuses. Maybe, you are bad at your job? Maybe its ok to be bad at your job. Maybe if you accepted that you were bad at your job that you would be happier. Free-er.

Maybe if you let go of this. You could finally be happy doing a half ass job at your work. I ask myself why cant I be an effective person? Why do i make the mistakes i make. What self help books can I get. Or am i just. not good. at this. job. IT pays well. I bought a house. Im sitting here on my rug with the fire. alone. Was it all worth it in the end??

IS this a millenial soul reaching out for some sort of unordinary lifestyle? Should i be doing something i really love doing? What are all the answers, where are all the fucking answers.

Ive never had the confidence to do something unconventional. Ive always been so scared. So scared that if i didnt have it all, i wouldnt be happy. So now that i have it all, am i?

I feel pathetic. and i find myself hating myself. I think im tired. Tyler says im always tired. He says ive been tired for as long as ive known him...

What does that say? Is that even related to this job?

I think im getting better though. at dealing with the dissapointment.

Today me and tyler were both hanging on a string. I think i was doing ok and he snapped at me. and then we were both not ok. He had a bad week and all his plans fell through so he was upset and moping around the house. I tried to go somewhere with him but then we both lost it in the car. I found myself feeling very similar to how it was in the beginning when i worked at dominican. When he had (and still doesnt really have) the capacity to deal with me being so upset. We could not be more opposites in terms of dealing with work, and stress. I needed someone to council me to sooth me. To want to understand. I wanted someone to ask me what exactly happened and what the situation was. I wanted him to tell me it was ok- but to actually take a look at the situation.

I know he thinks he doesnt need to look at the situation, because he believes in me and thinks im over reacting overall. But i just see him brushing it off completely. In fact, he probably is cause he fucking hates talking about work. IT triggers him into some sort of spiral. talking about my work, his work. Hed rather not address it at all and act like it doesnt exist. All these work problems.

In many ways hes right though. It doesnt matter. If you treat it for what it is.. it shouldnt make me worried. In fact, i shouldnt even be talking about it right now. I shouldnt bring it up because its not importaint in our lives. Unfortunately for me i still think work is importaint to me.

Maybe i need to put efforts in something more personal. Something that could actually help me feel good about what i do. I said this today but im having hard times remembering it. We count all our mistakes but none of the good things we fix. I think maybe i could count on my fingers all the mistakes ive made this year and last year. but i never even counted all the good things ive done in my job. I dont give myself that ever.

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whumpinthepot · 2 years

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Whump introduction post!!

General: Hey, my name is Breezy (Or you can call me by my handle, sometimes I go by Tote or Tomo, some people know me as Mott) I am an adult, mixed race, and non-binary!

Dream job: I would really love working with dementia patients or children, I just genuinely love caretaking and been interested in going to school to become a special education assistant for preschoolers.

Blog established: I’ve had this blog for a good few years now, and used to post a lot of prompts but lately ive been burnt out on my own so I mostly reblog and support other creators, but hoping to create my own content again soon.

Reason for URL: Its a spin-off of my main blog @mottinthemainpot but ive been wanting to create a new handle and start fresh lately since ive had some of these url’s since I was a teenager.

Fave Whump Tropes: There are a lot of tropes that I enjoy under certain circumstances but some of my absolute favourites are Lab Whump, Mind Control, Prison Whump, Giant/tiny, Defiant Whumpees. Things that are different from the norm are always good too, I like to see people challenge their narrative and stray away from what’s expected.

Projects you're working on: I have a long running project named “The Sadist and The Slave” TSATS for short but I wrote it when I was a teenager and a lot has changed since then. Since its been on hiatus while I sort some irl stuff out ive been working on a project called “Rats Race” that takes place in the Boxboy Universe. Its less strenuous to work on while im in such a busy time of my life and it’s mostly just for fun until I can go back to TSATS!! Rats Race is about a soldier/freedom fighter who fly’s a bit too close to the sun if you know what i’m sayin’ they get a bit too confident if you catch my drift >_>; oh and I also have a small story ive been wanting to work on with a very shy tiny human (A borrower) who is kept as a pet by a cute bimbo who runs a G/t blog and uses the tiny human as a model to gain followers…

Anything else you'd like to add: A lot of the things I say and post should not be taken too seriously I am dicking around probably 80% of the time. I’ve been trying to gain the confidence to post some writing but its hard to put myself out there… If anyone wants to know more or is interested feel free to shoot me a message or comment on my posts, I love chatting with people. If anything catches anyones attention I would love to add you to a tag list, just lmk <3 or if you have a drabble you think I would like feel free to send it to me!!

#whumpmasinjuly #wij2022 #wij day 1 #introduction post #whump introduction #breezy’s post #my post #bbu #lab whump #wru #prison whump #wij22day1 #whump #tiny whump #tiny whumpee #g/t whump #rats race #hamster #tsats

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mooifyourecows · 1 year

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HI MOO IM DONE WITH FINALS AND THE FALL SEMESTER AND I FEEL LIKE I CAN FINALLY FUCKING BR E A T H E FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS.

this was the first semester i was balancing work with school (long story, but ive been in college for three semesters total and i’ve never had a job before) PLUS i gained a social life for the first time in like. literal years and obv i wanted to maintain that too so ya boy was struggling. then towards the end of the semester i had two people really dear to me in the hospital for surgery (they’re both okay now and recovering, no worries there but it was Very Stressful), went through a really bad almost breakup w my Person (known em for 7+ years so it was Rough. still working on that front but it’s a bit better now). the stress nightmares and sleep paralysis i’ve had??? bare minimum sleep for over a month.

BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAT. I PASSED ALL OF MY CLASSES. EXCEPT FOR ONE CLASS WHICH I FAILED SO FUCKING BADLY BUT I DID EVERYTHING EXCEPT TWO ASSIGNMENTS AND THE TEACHER IS JUST GENERALLY AN ABSOLUTE BITCH. BUT I CHECKED W MY FINANCIAL AID AND IM NOT LOSING MY SCHOLARSHIP OVER IT SO WHO FUCKING CARES. A+, B+, B, C-. DAMN IM GOOD. (and also so very emotionally burnt out but goddamn i just need someone to tell me they’re proud of me at this point i’m so tired 😭)

in celebration i’m gonna go drink some sparkling grape juice and play animal crossing. maybe take a sleep paralysis free nap but we shall see <3

Wooo!! Congrats on passing your classes! (except that one but psh we don't talk about that one) I'm super proud of you!!! 🎉🎉🌈🖤

Sounds like you've had a rough year but you made it through! Huzzah!! I hope that you have a very relaxing final few weeks of 2022 and that 2023 is so much kinder and easier 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

For now, celebrate with some good food and rejuvenation time and have sweet peaceful dreams 🌈

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tomorrowillbeyou · 1 year

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10 14 37 48 52 55 for math ask game

HII OMG THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!!

10. do you have any least favourite theorems?

ok for some reason i can't STAND the triangle inequality. every time i see it im like NOT THIS GUY AGAIN and i literally have no reason to feel that way its so irrational but i hate her so much 💔 im sorry triangle inequality

14. do you think you're good at math? do you expect more from yourself?

hmm that's a . tricky one to answer. i think ive always been a little hard on myself because one of my best friends growing up was literally the smartest like as in international olympiad competitor style LOL so i felt inadequate in comparison but at the same time i never felt like i would never be able to do something, i feel like i know deep down very strongly that if i work hard enough i can eventually understand something i don't yet. in terms of creativity and problem solving and stuff like that i do kind of expect a lot more from myself though but like.. i think that will grow over time fingers crossed . also im mega autistic so the whole being rigorous thing is like literally what i already had to do in my regular life or i would get scared of being misunderstood haha. king of overexplaining. anyway this became too long.

37. have you ever used math in a novel and entertaining way?

ough i am a little confused what this is asking. but in many different ways yeah . at school we used to do stupid shit like calculating the number of dots on my blazer or making up ridiculous maths pick up lines or trying to come up with the weirdest proofs or create the fastest growing function stuff like that. ive also helped run kids maths challenges where you kind of have to do that kind of thing . i think i just have a very silly and nonserjous approach to the whole idea of maths like the whole point for me is to have fun with it and mess around so Yea. idk if that's what the question means though

48. has math changed you?

that's another difficult one to answer bc i feel like it's always been really ingrained in my life so it's definitely shaped me as a person for my whole life and i can't imagine the person id be without it but like .. there wasn't really a time before i liked it and then i started liking it and became a different person iykwim. i guess when i became burnt out at the beginning of this year that changed me by making me feel incredibly depressed and lose my sense of identity entirely ahamfhkjrd but were good now!!

52. do you have favourite math textbooks? if so, what are they?

I CANT LIE A TEXTBOOK IS JUST A TEXTBOOK TO ME.. if it gets the job done and isn't super obscure and confusing im chilling 👍👍👍there are probably some really good ones out there but all the ones ive encountered have just kinda been textbooks tbh

55. where is your most favourite place to do math?

welll i guess my favourite place to do most things is in my bedroom at my desk bc that's where i feel most comfortable and private anskdjdk but sometimes if i take a bus while im really struggling with something it helps me get my ideas in order i guess it's the change of scenery or something... on the other hand least favourite i could go on for hours literally anywhere where i have to be around people without headphones in ..my misophonia swag... OH ALSO i like under the stairs in one of the lecture theatres here bc nobody ever goes there and i can blast thursday through my headphones and dance while working on problems sjdksjf but i only go there if i don't have time to go home in between things

#ask #THIS GOT SO LONG AJDKEJFKR I HAVE A LOT TO SAY SOMETIMES 💔

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pulsedemons · 22 days

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real question, looking for advice if anyone's got any, asking for jobs advice. been unemployed for over a year now . (not straight thru, had a few lucky months at a bowling alley)

under a readmore for dashboard courtesy. it got long and yeah im pissed about the situation. bitching here and there, especially near the end

&rbs are off, if you have an answer please put it in the replies <3 . please read the whole thing before that though

what's a good way to consistently make at least enough money to help around my house with small bills and groceries (a hundred, two hundred a week maybe?), when im stuck walking and biking everywhere, &my handmedown laptop will threaten to blow up if i try to run anything too powerful

if you suggest me something that sounds like some kind of a scam i will delete it though

& nowhere's hiring around me (i live surrounded by a bunch of schools, they like to hire as many freshman to college aged part timers as possible out here) and when they ARE & ive applied, i get emails back saying someone else had better qualifications or something.

the yardwork, babysitting/dogsitting etc etc scene in my area is dominated by the kids in my area, too. everyone's already got someone doing that stuff, i checked. figure it's because people never pay kids much, i imagine it's the same with the companies around here

and when somehow i do land an interview i make sure i smell nice look nice i sit up straight. etc. i talk as clearly & confidently as possible, got a good firm handshake. and i still manage to flub it.

i'll call twice a week at minimum asking to talk to a manager, to follow up with my interview and get told they'll call me back & i get ghosted. i call em back again and it's always the same shit

trying to sell my art, trying to make myself marketable has always made me queasy, &besides being supremely burnt out right now, i don't have an ounce of artistic consistency in my body. i am NOT in control of how it comes out looking. i considered commissions and like. i'll do it, if anyone's interested. but i'm worried they wouldn't go well

like im gonna keep hunting !!!!!! im not giving up my local search, im not. super fit. im willing to bike around 5miles at this point, even in the TX summer, even at risk of injury. im sick to death of being broke and having nowhere to go and nothing to do.

i don't have anybody "irl" to talk to, either, no friends in my immediate area to ask about this.

no close friends in my immediate area at all, actually. i can count the people i was in school with growing up on one hand. and everyone's moved away to other states besides my girlfriend, & she lives 30mins away & has her own job & shit going on. can't ask her to drive me around all the time

it's all starting to feel hopeless. like, i haven't given up completely, im not JUST complaining about it. i'm still working on finding something

& im lucky enough to have a mom that isn't mad at me or anything. i'm lucky she loves me enough to have put up with this with me for so long. i'm lucky enough to not be life-or-death levels of desperate

(which is why i won't make a donation post unless it's important)

but she doesn't have any advice for me, either. she has hundreds of facebook connections in her industry.

sometimes shit's tight, sometime's the fridge is bare & we apply to food stamps, the lights turn off & my aunts, or one of her friends helps us out. but she keeps a roof over our heads. & she's always got ten to twenty people putting her name in, when she's out of work

but i don't have that. &im hanging onto my last thread here for dear life

#vent post #<- more or less just for blacklist #delete later #maybe . i don't know. i don't like complaining about my personal shit online too much #& if i had anywhere else to go with this. i swear to god i would #long post #it's long enough on desktop so on mobile it will probably be abysmal

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firefox-97 · 1 year

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genuine thought i have been thinking about this for years; i do not know if i hold schizoid personality or not and am a reclusive shy person. ive often said aloud some things i feel to be true that have felt related to having it. im really not keen on going and talking to someone about it. and frankly probably doesnt dysfunction my life very much. tho...im thinking about; a year after having a job (for a year, im done now) and i feel fundamentally changed and maybe more socially inclined, but also more aware of my boundaries around that? i have a thing with new friends specifically of being overall pessimistic or...rather, preparing myself for the end of it, from the beginning. (like, this will not last because it cant last.) and i also dont ever anticipate friendship or initiate conversation with others (it takes me knowing someone a long time and seeing them often for me to do so); and a lot of this comes from my learned pattern of behavior, is essentially how i am as a person and not "how i was before", and also is actively dysfunctional to my social being (which i dont really have.) im pretty shallow about friendships now for this reason, and pretty shocked when anyone expresses that they enjoy having me around or will miss me (mostly from people i dont know well but sometimes from long-time friends).

i dont know if what ive been doing is 'masking' and if so idk in what context (neurodivergency-wise); part of it is when in the context of a job i genuinely want to do well, and genuinely believe in a kindess-based, anarchist-based way of 'serving' others at a cusomter service position, paid or otherwise. its not forced, but its something i feel i cant help but enact. im not the best at being social and putting an air of joviality but i still would respond to people and i still have morals about helping others for nothing (part of this comes from my whole pattern of self which includes being self-sacrificing with no return/reward emotion). either way the result is that, in the days after quitting i am more tired than i have ever been. idk if burnt out exactly, but definitely. sleeping a lot, not being motivated, etc. im not usually an ambitious busybody anyway, but im keeping at bare minimum here. everyone puts up a front at work to some degree, but the nature of that is complex. i do it with coworkers as well as customers, which is doubled. its just something im thinking about.

#p1rsnl

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mintyvoid · 2 years

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tw suicide ideation, lots of wanting to die talk + depression stuff

i just get really frustrated with wanting to die but not being able to do it - while being expected to want to live and try when im done and too tired to anymore

like i have felt that life is a chore for a majority of my life, even as a kid I wasn't super motivated to pursue living. While i had things that I wanted to aspire to, I had the inkling that i either would never actually achieve it or have an extremely hard time doing so (and was right).

i still tried though (and constantly failed to live up to any expectation, mine and others), out of obligation and otherwise. I enjoy learning and trying things, but struggled to due to the ~undiagnosed autism~ and accessibility.

and the longer time went on the less and less enjoyable and more frustrating living became. I gave up trying to make friends and just let it happen- and waited for the inevitable of them eventually ignoring me. school left me extremely burnt out and completely hopeless that I would ever succeed. and working did the same.

but always the response from professionals is 'but you're young! you have your whole life ahead of you'

what life? what life when i struggle to do anything, when I can't find support to not feel like garbage.

or "well if you don't care, you should be able to do anything cause you don't care right?"

ive never understood this assumption. I most of the time have zero motivation or drive to live, it does not make me want to do anything. How does not wanting to do anything equate to being able to do anything?

it's like im not taken seriously, because i don't self harm, i don't have any plans to actually kill myself. And that somehow automatically means I can do things.

no one believes me when I say I can't force myself to do things or trick myself.

no one knows what to do when I tell them mindfullness doesn't do anything, being positive daily doesn't do anything, having structure in the form of a job i don't want to have doesn't do anything.

i can't speak to any professional short term because I can see everything they will say coming, its meaningless to me now. Every book i've read is just more of the same and none of it helps.

I've been sayin this for more than 5 years and no one believes me, thinking that i'm over exaggerating or not trying hard enough or long enough.

there are so many others that are able to get better with meds or therapy or luck and I have none of that. and it's just so tiring, im so fucking tired and tired of people asking me to try more only for another treatment plan to fail, only for me to find a new low.

i've gone from stubborn, to hesitant, to accepting, to desperate, to utterly done.

yet i have sooooo much life ahead of me.

#minty ramblez #depression #tw suicide ideation #tw depression #depresso shot

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neurotichousewife · 2 years

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Do i quit my nursing degree?

I've already had a year out. About to start my first placement after coming back. And i had a full on breakdown and have ended up calling in sick because i couldnt convince myself to leave the house and go.

Ive worked in care for 9 years. Was a young carer before that. I worked as a paid student nurse at the begining of the pandemic and a carer in elderly care in the later stages. God i am so tired. Staffings getting worse and worse and I'm burnt out from my care job. And honestly the thought of essays and lectures makes me want to throw myself out the window.

I told myself get through the last year of uni.

Then your qualified and fine.

But ive spent my year out working in care. And i dont think i can do it any more.

There are different types of nursing.

But the thought of going back to placements i enjoyed makes me want to cry. And i didnt even realise that untill i wrote it down.

How would i cope if im qualified ?

If someone said hey tommorow your qualified working full time on this ward, would i take it ?

God i dont know. Honestly at this point probs not. Again the thought makes me want to cry .

I feel sad and disapointed in myself for not being strong enough.

For wasting the skills ive been taught. For 3 years of work. And the thing is, i was an ok student nurse. So isn't it kinda my duty to finish the degree and be a nurse ?

I used to be so excited about uni and nursing.

I nearly dropped out in my first year, but it drew me back in and i figured it would get better. And the next placement i found intresting and cool. But i still struggled though it. I still was incredibly stressed, tired and had panic attacks. I was intrested in the area it was in and it linked back to my last degree. But so do so many things.

And again. If i could work on that ward tommorow as a nurse ? No. I honestly just dont want to and i cant quiet explain why. It sounds childish. I dont want to. But it is what it is.

i have so many health problems. I kept collapsing. That's why i took a year out in the first place. I am alot better but i may still faint occasionally.

My mental health varies. But is heavily dependent on my enviroment. And honestly at work right now, my mental health is worryingly bad. I highly doubt its gonna magically get better. Particularly if i push myself to stay.

Its a long rant into the void. But its helped my brain vaguelly sort its shit out atleast

#nursing #nursing student #dropout #mental health #covid

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the-course · 2 years

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Hard Work vs Hard Mentality

It was a blast opening up the shop and having within in minutes of opening 3 jobs to do. I had a single color job but had to print 3 different logos. A left chest, back logo and sleeve. Sounded super simple but was asked to design all 3 with having maybe a couple hours under adobe illustrator LOL. Excitement instantly turned into anxiety and a time crunch. Luckily 2 days before the job was suppose to be finished my designs got approved, then it became game time. it was 150 shirts for an event going on in bend. 1 color white ink on royal blue & black bella canvas 3001 shirts. After dialing in my burn time on the screens and successfully washing them out i figured this would be a breeze. I got perfect screens and this was suppose to be the hardest part?! Easy money.

I had no understanding that i would be touching these shirts 3 times.... Zero concept of push/pulling ink, how hard to press on the squeegee and the difference between a 110 mesh screen or a 156 when it comes to pushing thick white ink with a consistent coat or print flash printing on dark garment. Cure time forget it.

I finished this job at almost 5 am the day it was due. My first job gave me so many things to look into and learn and started ASAP. I read tons of forums on technique, watched countless videos on youtube but i ve learned without the physical practice you will end up with muddy prints that half wash out or dull colors by not using an under base coat. What the heck is a choke ?! luckily God has been preparing me thru easy one color jobs but he has also forced a 4 color and introduced me to %100 polyester garments that need additives that low cure ink. Ive melted countless zippers and have burned tons of grey hoodies ive kicked my registration off by inches before but i continue to learn and expand my knowledge in this trade. And absolutely love it

Now the mentality..... Not only im i running the shop but also learning the business side of this stuff which has been the hard frustrating part. Sponsoring adds to get jobs .... Getting to many jobs at once..... How to market myself in a healthy way without getting burnt out. The doubt on the slow days. The hype on the long days. Its a massive rollercoaster. I just continue to grind. I surround myself with successful business owners and starting business owners and we figure it out. The key for me lately is just relying on God to pay shop bills and bringing the people into my life and business that should be here. He has brought me many people of all walks of life into my little world of figuring it out.

My number 1 supporter being my wife and knowing my kid thinks i do cool things with shirts. She has countlessly encouraged me not to give up but press in harder. She has gotten me tons of new jobs thru social media and handing out my card. I ve got 2 brands i personally play with and she marketed them and sold just about every hoodie ive created.

In the end of the day my hope is to create a warehouse for after school programing. A skate church in door for youth and a place youth can come and feel safe and drink sugar and just be a kid without the pressures of everything going on. Its a big hope but if my mentality for this out works my physical labor then this will happen.

Let the rollercoaster begin.

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