#its when she has no control over them

[biitchcakes]

The two women relax and talk, listen to Phoebe Snow records and drink tea. Jessica finds herself opening up to the vivacious Lindsay, being drawn out of the gloom that has been her only companion these past weeks.

( personals DNI . )

#i love lindsay mccabe so much #this is one of my favourite bits ever #i know i say that a lot but truly i think of this like #an insane amount - just believe me on that #them just talking and drinking tea and listening to phoebe snow #for fkin HOURS #THE WAY IN THE VERY FIRST PANEL #the medicine jess is taking supresses her pheromones #its when she has no control over them #and lindsay is the only woman to not be disgusted / horrified by her #this whole thing is coded as hell #it is very near and dear to me #also love how jess sits #love that she knows stoker already #( a e s t h e t i c . ) #( c h . s t u d y . ) #( c o m i c s . ) #( e d i t s . ) #( v i s a g e . ) #( l i n d s a y m c c a b e . )

[jfkisonthemoon]

they honestly couldve done so much with junpei beheaded/dismembered and im disappointed that it ended up just being mira. so much of his character and his relationship with akane is characterized by his lack of bodily autonomy, and him being openly beheaded during the nonary games would be the ultimate example of this. its perhaps the most brutal death in the game, and it never really gets explained or developed beyond the one puzzle that we get with it. junpei has been shown repeatedly to be subject to akane's plans or follow her blindly and i just think that would have been a really interesting angle to approach his beheading from. junpei has willingly signed up for nonary games in two different timelines just because he knew he would see her. he was infected with a deadly virus trying to find her. he grew desensitized to death as he took underground jobs to try and find her. his safety always comes second when shes in the picture, and his beheading wouldve been a prime opportunity to 1. exploit his willingness to let himself die/be injured for her and 2. make akane confront the fact that her confidence that junpei will always follow after her is not necessarily a positive thing.

#zero escape #additionally wasnt mira supposed to be asleep?? like i know she didnt get the forget juice but didnt she still get knocked out? #but also!! none of her other kills were like that! none of them were dismembered and she didnt touch junpeis chest #so even that reasoning doesnt make sense #kinda feels like a copout to keep the shock of junpei being disrespected in such a way - to have his very body turned into a puzzle #a puzzle that akane is forced to solve!!! without knowing that what shes looking for is his head - him! #theres so much potential there and they just didnt do anything #im not even saying that akane should have somehow been responsible for that death - only that not having her really grapple with it is such #a missed opportunity #i still fucking LOVE the imagery of it though. i really think its the epitome of the representations of his lack of autonomy #he loses all of vlr. quark. 45 years of his life. because akane decides this is best for him. he dies repeatedly trying to find her. #because she believes that she knows what will keep him safe #and turning junpeis body into a puzzle posthumously is a fantastic example of his lack of control over his body #its like hes literally become a doll. hes jumpydoll - not junpei. hes subject to these games even after he has died. #he gets no peace. no respect in his death. not when hes in these games. not when hes in the shadow of akanes whims and games. #i still love the imagery. i think it was one of my favorite parts of ztd and is honestly now a core tenet of my Junpei Understanding #but i was disappointed in the lack of narrative weight that specific death had. for him to be one of the first dead? for it to be in such a #brutal manner? like come ON. the character analysis for junpei and akane and their relationship is RIGHT THERE. all you had to do was put i #in the game #but nope. #they just handwave it as something mira did. #and dont bring up the details ever again because. plot point solved? #anyway. ive been thinking about junpei imagery and bodily autonomy a lot. obviously. #zero escape spoilers #mak no peeking #marydontlookatthis

[nyatbinary-81]

@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.

#my art #this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3 #sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants #the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants. #the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open #on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks #even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them. #i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it #for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness #and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3 #ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon. #ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues #(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice— #—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier) #anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple #(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.) #and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop #OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot #andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe. #if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft #OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT #i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it. #i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing #me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major #me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again #au Good what can i say

[strawberrycircuits]

do you ever think about how even though chell is the only living being in aperature, the robotic facility is somehow more alive than her. all chell has done is the rigorous testing originally designed by the scientists for robots they deemed unfeeling and unthinking, but now that they are gone we can see turrets that were built for destruction composing beautiful symphonies based on a love they were never thought to originally have, p-body and atlas have moments of interaction that show how much they can care about each other in their limited capacity for communication, and even glados slowly comes around on caring about chell. free from those who would do them harm, aperture has outgrown its original limitations and become something greater than it was ever designed to be

I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME ARE YOU KIDDING ME. the idea of chell as a contrast to apertures humanity is SO INTERESTING TO ME because the facility is just positively teeming with life and humanity-- glados and wheatley joke, they have emotions like relief and happiness, anger, jealousy, insecurity-- they lash out when angry and cower and beg for mercy when terrified and, when really and truly confronted with what theyve done, they feel remorse. the turrets beg for their lives and forgive and the personality cores display charisma and arrogance and enthusiasm and for the 400 billionth time everything SINGS to you and chell exemplifies little to none of that. when shes hurt or terrified or remorseful she doesnt show it, she just trucks right on because she has a single goal in mind and by god is she going to execute it. and the idea of the human character being the cold, calculating, goal oriented one who doesnt show fear doesnt show remorse while all the robots are the ones loving and losing and realizing their own personhood makes me so jdflsjksjdfgdfgdkjfgksjdfioesruto435609568039485234i3t][er[;]23[4p][234;r23[4]5p45;6][7456. like. while the facility forces the devices to grow beyond their capabilities and intended functions it forces chell to grow beyond her humanity into this fearless, tenacious specimen that knows what it wants and isnt going to let mortality stop her. i think im goign to throw up

#aperture outgrowing its limitations also makes me nuts because those limitations are very much still there #glados has full control over the facility and yet has to answer to it when it claims shes too corrupted to continue functioning #wheatley is in constant fear of repercussion when theres no one around anymore to even doll out those consequences #personality cores long for things that their structure will never allow them to accomplish (aside from. space core i guess. lmao) #(ALTHOUGH SPACE CORE HAS A LOT OF LINES WHERE HE SUGGESTS HES GETTING BORED OF WHAT HE WAS MADE #TO DO. WHICH WAS ENJOY SPACE. SO ONCE AGAIN THERES ANOTHER INSTANCE OF APERTURE DEVICES #GROWING BEYOND THEIR INTENDED CAPABILITIES) #like! they are the facility and yet they are still trapped by it nonetheless. the scientists might be dead but theyre still #a looming presense because they were always supposed to be a looming presense in the minds of the machines they created. fuck. #also i dont think chell is literally inemotional i think shes actually a strangely forgiving person considering. everything #otherwise why save glados from the bird why reach out for wheatley in the end. yk #im normal. about this 16 year old game series.

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨ #and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah. #thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help— #so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control… #b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato) #so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date… #at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration… #…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig. #oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far… #i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience. #help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m. #anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

[cosmicmakos]

imagine gently tracing your f/os scars while you're both relaxing in bed, any insecurities about them fading away as they relax more and more

#hakushaku would be hesitant to let me touch the scar on her neck at first #but over time as she got more comfortable and felt less ashamed w what happened that day she would let me #in the other series she has an eye injury and after a while will take her eyepatch off around me since she isn't disgusted by it anymore #my favorite war criminal <3 has plenty across her body but the ones that make her the most insecure are the ones from her cybernetics #when she first came back they were sensitive and she hated them being touched but by the war they were healed #she'd normally let me trace any scars without watching but the cybernetic-related ones make her watch me to see my reaction to them #she thinks i'd be disgusted by them and in turn her but i would tell her its the exact opposite #they don't make my opinion of her any different - they're just scars and she can't control them #shieldmaiden of my heart would think the scar on her cheek and lip makes her look more brutish and unattractive #i'd tell her they make her look handsome while i traced the scars across her body #there are more characters but i once again wrote plenty w just these 3 oops #f/o imagines #imagine your f/o

[fellhellion]

one of the most interesting dimensions to shiori and juri's relationship for me is the fact reciprocation isn't the point of tension between them. their feelings for one another aren't at ALL unrequited. the issue that plagues them beyond juri's arc about begining to unlearn her own self hatred, is the gaping maw that is shiori's lack of self worth <- the thing that drives her to hurt juri. in no world can shiori healthily reciprocate juri's feelings until she stops hating herself.

#god im so mentally ill about her GOD. #tunes talks utena #they make me crazy insane because it was ALWAYS requieted #shiori wouldnt feel such joy at seeing her picture in the locket or such panic when asking why the nebulous 'it' has to be this way #if it wasnt mutual. it IS mutual. but thats not the point of tension between them. its the fact shiori is scared that if they ever left the #purgatory of never touching the love between them. it would change - leave even. its the fact that she finally FINALLY can drag juri down #into the dirt with her. where shiori has never stopped chasing juri's shadow and feels so inferior to her. #its the fact that gay love isnt permissable within the system and shiori isnt willing to abandon that system for juri #its the fact she hates herself for this love and she hates herself for not being good enough and she loves the fact this feeling #offers her control over juri when shiori felt she was untouchable. its the fact shes always loved juri and the only foil she would #ever have polished was juri's. its kissing boys where she wanted juri instead but better to have juri's eyes on her than nothing #GOD she is mentally ill...my girl my beloved blorbo

[this-should-do]

venting dont mind me xp ✌

#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die #either by my hand or my mothers #i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering #so i either leave or i die #i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return #every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others #and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples #at least one of which includes me #why cant life be easy #when is it .y turn to tbrive #in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy #everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything #maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again #but no who would see would understand #my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face #i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say #shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely #say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her #that i ddi it to hurt her #i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan #contentness and love and adoration for my family #or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick #i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead #i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it #i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms #i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance #i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin #ill just be quiet #im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time #the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

…

#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry #like #i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating'' #so i KNOW i have no right to be angry #and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc #but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this #i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?'' #and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored #but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go #i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that #and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress'' #it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her) #i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH #and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo #i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something #i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs #which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore #(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure) #and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can #so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo #and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon #but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm #(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that) #anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown #it's not this random girls fault #she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days #(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)

[rxttenfish]

broke ground and started working on the second chapter of caecilian because i am Unable To Help Myself (and also as a little treat for myself for doing some other stuff and making progress on that)

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #miravi.txt #right now the big discussion is: comparing their living spaces #which is very fun to have miri's contrasted against aaravi's #mostly because miranda's is obscenely clean and tidy but not out of any actual intent from miranda herself #and moreso its a factor of her total lack of control over her living situation #while aaravi's is intensely messy because of her own depression + isolation #and because of her singlemindedness when it comes to what she focuses on and when #its fine if her place is a mess since its just a place for her to rest when shes not doing the slayer thing #with very few comforts of home (because that tends to freak her out for trauma reasons) #when you put them together you have aaravi actually getting invested in where she lives and taking care of it #and wanting it to be comfortable #and you have miranda abruptly able to control her environment and be able to determine for herself what it looks like #miri actually very sincerely does end up with a joy of cleaning #as its a positive alternative to her destructive urges. they both serve the need of giving her control over where she lives and how. #and its a calming and repetitive motion where she can directly observe the outcome of her work and feel good about it #and aaravi has someone who she just wants to hang out with and slow down around #miri acts as a calming presence that also in turn makes her feel safe enough to relax #and it makes her protective in turn and wants to provide miranda with creature comforts to hang around with #ofc this is all in the future and after the events of caecilian but #you know!

[khalesci]

thinking about how dany and cersei foil each other

#♛ ooc. ⊱ ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #cersei thinking the 'younger and more beautiful queen' in her prophecy is margaery #when really in all likelihood its dany #bc margaery didn't take anything from cersei really? her son's attention and the adoration of the people maybe. #but that's mostly cersei's own behaviors backfiring bc she didn't *have* to lose either of those #but dany will quite literally take what's left of the kingdoms from her and depose her entirely. that is her goal. #then there's dany always stressing and worrying over whether she will go mad like her father (and it's not happening at all) #meanwhile cersei never questions how much alike the mad king she is becoming #with her obsession over wildfire her growing paranoia and her need for control #cersei will be the mad queen. not dany. #also the foil of them as mothers #dany losing her one living child but having three dragons #possibly two boys and a girl like cersei's children if viserion turns out to be female / the dragon adjacent to that #but dany rules with a mother's love. she gives it to everyone. #and then there is cersei who does love her children but struggles to love them the *right* way #bc she doesn't know how. she has been taught that love is control. #for her the more she controls their children and 'saves' them the more she shows them she loves them #when really she is suffocating them and pushing them closer to their own demises #so many things actually!! #pissed we'll probably never get a proper confrontation between these two bc george will never finish that last book #obvs this applies to my cersei as well so just pretend I posted this on my multi too sfadjsfdjlk

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other #meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20 #tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are #few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is #get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?' #and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went #on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.) #etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves #like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more #chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already #nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them #up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t #finish my sentence #and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves #so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me #then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear #and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning #during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the #door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh? #and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her #why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking #basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore #cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come #back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open #ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me #GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan #im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just #gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean #im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other #LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!

[andragoras-in-vanity]

isekai is such a popular genre right now, and its taken a clear shift from 'i got isekai'd and now im a fantasy hero!' to 'i got isekai'd and now i get to live a quiet and happy life in the countryside/as a librarian/pharmacist' and obviously a lot of it is just......someone wrote this to kill time and draw boobies, but Parallel World Pharmacy was so good???? i cried so many times, and i love the shift in tone the genre has gained with stuff like that

#Maybe because i wish for the same thing but only if my dog and two best friends can come too #but that one and grace of the gods is just devastatingly gentle #its not a power fantasy its just im tired and hurt anf i want to thrive instead of survive because our society doesnt make me happy #but someone or soemthing takes mercy and kindness on them #but that one was especially profound with regards to his sister while maintaining the control of 'end this disease with a physical punch' #and we lack that kind of control we want that kind of control over literally anything in this life #also it was so pretty #not unique but still very soft visually speaking and funny but not taking away from the content #and again the characters are kind #dont get me wrong id totally like reincarnated as a slime too but thats mostly for the non gendered shapeshifting #also dragons and i wanna befriend the orcs and wolves #but id probably end up a goblin in that one.... #anyway isekai when done well is so healing even when it has almost no plot #i love intense anime but god some of the gentle and beautiful ones are all i ever need #and i crave fantasy so much i adore magic and creatures and demons so much and the softness of some of these plots #but idk that one grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into the bricks #i didnt actually like ascendance of a bookworm all that much i kond of found parts of it annoying and i didnt love the artstyle #but i did absolutely love the fact she was disabled whether they called it disability illness or magic #she was for all intents and purposes disabled in the same way i am and it was heartening to see how much love they had for her #and how good her family was ngl i cried about her father and i wish mine came even a little close to that but thats a DIFFERENT topic #dont ask me about yakuzas guide to babysitting #i dont like the realizations that one gave me #but the more that come out in this genre the better it is and the more representation will drop into it hopefully in all directions #for gender and sexuality as well as disabilities #because this subgenre is so well equipped for disabilities especially because its soft and slow and so full of love #ranking of kings isn't isekai but i think it could open door for fantasy in general too because its a light genre even when its serious #its just ...pure and light and ready to welcome hardships without trauma #the characters are always kind and the setting is new and magic affords accommodations other genres dont #magical mobility aids that dont erase the disability will always be infinitely more interesting to me than heavy machinery that #that you have to strap into but that also means finding other accommodations too like having bojji read lips instead of getting an implant

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#truly i have too modes. so fucking busy i cant breathe. cant think without a muddled lag. feeling motion sick as i walk #a path ive walked a thousand times over. or not busy enough. without thr pressure i revert to a liquid state and spill across the floor #i cant seem to do anything. at least when im busy i cant feel how miserable i am. at least for a little while bc i have to focus #idk how to find a balance. it always seems to be all or nothing. outside my control but directed by my control #ugh. after the month ive had the misery's caught up with me. also i havent been sleeping enough #i felt horrible all day in the lab ans i was like. i mean maybe its low bloodsugar? but then when i went home i felt 1000 times better #which is. ya kno understandable but not great #idk i can just feel the anger leaking out from under my skin. ive made the system unlivable. now im suffocating on the echo of pain #and i feel bad bc it must b all over my face. bitterness simmering in my words #i met with my boss today for a delayed meeting of a delayed meeting and showed her some preliminary data. she was excited and asked what i #felt abt it. and i dont feel anything abt it. nothing. i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont fucking care #set my datasheets on fire. burn them to ash. i wouldnt feel anything #and im sure some of that sentiment came thru bc she later texted me to reiterate how cool the data is bc no ones done a study this #extensive ans i dont kno how to reply bc again i dont care. theres no breathing enthusiasm back. that dim light has been extinguished. i #look forward to never having to think abt it again. #whatever the more pressing issue is that i cant get my brain to function enough to save me from the other problems i have boiling over #just me sabotaging potential future happiness from where i sit unhappily in the present #annoying. ugh i need to sleep. #unrelated

[arolesbianism]

Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)

#rat rambles #starve posting #maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person #and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer #but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him #and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption' #like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person #like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me #like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person #it just made him a more miserable person #and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development #and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity #I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out #but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that #shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened #its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff #mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it #which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards #which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion #this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control #and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt #its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation #and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation #and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope) #the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked #I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet #her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell #so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head #I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk

[crockersbian]

vrisrezi isn't fucking abusive and people who say it is probably jump to callouts every time they lose a friend

#'but she blinds/explodes her!!!' these actions were not done out of a desire to control the other person you nincompoop #they DEFINITELY weren't done out of a desire to stay together #'but they hated each other afterwards!' THEY WERE LITERALLY ENEMIES WHO MAIMED EACH OTHER AFTER THEIR FRIENDSHIP DISINTEGRATED #& THEIR DYNAMIC EVEN AT ITS *WORST* IS STILL THE MOST STRAIGHTFORWARD AND NON-MANIPULATIVE EITHER CHARACTER HAS #if anything they're. remarkably enabling when allied #the whole point of their arcs in relation to one another is reconciliation its- #it lets vriska off the hook a bit too easily in the retcon timeline but that isn't fucking abusive thats not what the word means AAA #you could say that vriska left terezi permanently maimed and as the higher caste bears responsibility for that? i guess??? #but given they didn't really CONTINUE that shit until they got meteorstuck despite having pleanty of opportunity but like #terezi literally took that L and turned it into a W. that power dynamic very rapidly ceases to exist #fellas is it abusive for a relationship to both have a roughly equal amount of power 'over' the other member and for them to have gotten #together out of a long-standing emotional attatchment that while corrupted by Society is altogether roo #rooted in positive affection? and for them to literally not hurt each other at all once they come to that conclusion??? #either verbally or physically???