#its the worst lb for a reason

[zeravmeta]

skadi falls short as a character to me solely because i feel like they just didnt commit when they made her an antagonist. like she was doing some pretty awful stuff in lb2 with the whole farming humans thing BUT the entire time they try to paint her as sympathetic for it, which like. on one hand the actual lore surrounding her being a sole god survivor and pushed into the role of a ruler could make that work but i feel like they should have just had a moment where skadi is absolutely hardcore about it. the one moment at the end of lb2 where she says "tell me how many humans are in panhuman history, i want to know how many i will kill for my 100,000 humans" is about as close to that as they got for hardcore skadi but i feel like she should have had at least 1 more Big Antagonist Moment. like maybe if theyd gone the olympus route at least a little bit and had skadi try and save humans because she recognizes humans as important but doesnt actually understand why and holds them below herself as beings to control then that could have pushed her just over the line of approval and more significantly differentiate her LB from both sin and olympus. this is not a "skadi is bad lets everyone complain" post this is a "i am rotating and stretching and compressing scathach skadi properly in my mind and am pondering what is ultimately just an undercooked character" post

#she just needed 1. 1 more Big Antagonist moment to be on moths level of LB antagonist #that said i kinda feel like skadi is lowkey a victim of just how lb2 Was which. well #its the worst lb for a reason #zerav meta #fgo #fate grand order #skadi #skadi is frustrating mainly bc i feel like shes So Close to being really good. but is then just like ok #like i dont like what they did with her (in the last bond profile) but i feel like the hate and badness is a little exaggerated

[perenlop]

love how indigo and unova both end with ash going “wow, what a fantastic experience” with a full theme song drop as they reminisce on their adventure over the battlefield in the sunset like those weren’t the worst written leagues in the series

#ok done with unova league. thought id do that in a day as i did chores just to get it over with #im glad im now on the n arc which i actually like #ok so now that im all refreshed on the unova league…. yeah still dont know which one is worse #like on one hand. stuff actually happened in the unova league and we got a couple of good battles as opposed to one #we actually see who wins even if ash doesnt battle him. and the overall animation is of course better bc more resources #but on the other hand. knowing that its trying so hard to emulate indigo (which they literally ditched and changed up all the worst ways #that they had handled it) just bc it was nostalgic. even though it makes absolutely no sense for where the characters are at at this point. #idk it kinda makes it feel worse? like indigo was awful and i hated it but at least that has the excuse of being their first try #and having a lower budget and sorta having a decent reason for ash to lose even if its contrived #like. there was a reason they couldnt show too many battles #echoed voice #like by all means indigo’s technically worse but on principle of trying to copy it at all? wtf best wishes #i know bw was a soft reboot at first but i dont see why that meant that they had to try and copy os all the time. it just holds it back #and the league is the perfect example of that. im not saying it had to be this grand epic event where ash is a badass who wins one sided #its even worse bc at this point they were literally dropping some of the os copying so why bring it back at such an awaited arc?? #idk. back to my original question of which is worse? they balance each other out idk #pokeani lb

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Bios: Honey Di Napoli / Honey Lucifarian (2021)

The Patient Zombie Honey Lucifarian

Same pic as Honey hasn't changed much.

The fifth of the seven, the always tired Honey, obviously, isn't the most energetic woman in the world, but she's energetic enough to choke someone out, including teams and stables full of people by using the power of Sloth. Once she knows you're tired enough to give in, she'll turn you into a zombified version of your former self.

"Oh, so Kirby didn't eat him alive."

Name

Full Legal Name: Honey Oriana Di Napoli

First Name: Honey

Meaning: Simply from the English word 'Honey', ultimately from Old English 'Hunig'.

Pronunciation: HUN-ee

Origin: English

Middle Name: Oriana

Meaning: Possibly derived from Latin 'Aurum' 'Gold' or its derivatives, Spanish 'Oro' or French 'Or'.

Pronunciation: o-RYA-na

Origin: Italian, Spanish

Surname: Di Napoli

Meaning: Means 'From Naples' in Italian

Pronunciation: dee-NA-po-lee

Origin: Italian

Alias: The Patient Zombie, Honey Lucifarian

Reason: Damien went a bit too far with creating Honey, accidentally 'murdering' her before 'reviving' her to make the 'Zombie' known as Honey Lucifarian.

Nicknames: Hon, Ori, Ana

Titles: Miss

Characteristics

Age: 26

Gender: Female. She/Her Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: Italian-American

Ethnicity: White

Birth Date: October 20th 1995

Symbols: Goats, The Colour Blue (of lighter shades)

Sexuality: Lesbian

Religion: Atheist

Native Language: English

Spoken Languages: English, Italian, French, Spanish

Relationship Status: Single

Astrological Sign: Libra

Theme Song: 'My Own Worst Enemy' - Lit (2013-2015), 'My Own Worst Enemy' - Get Scared (2015-)

Voice Actor: Angie Harmon

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Asbury Park, Monmouth County, New Jersey

Current Location: Unknown

Hometown: Asbury Park, Monmouth County, New Jersey

Appearance

Height: 5'6" / 167 cm

Weight: 150 lbs / 68 kg

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Ginger

Hair Dye: One front strand dyed light blue

Body Hair: N/A

Facial Hair: N/A

Tattoos: (As of Jan 2021) 6

Piercings: Lobe Piercings (Both)

Scars: Appendix surgery scar

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: Social Drinker

Illnesses/Disorders: None

Medications: None

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Allies: (As of Jan 2021) Damien Lucifarian, Vi Lucifarian, Billie Lucifarian, Geia Lucifarian, Eli Lucifarian, Sara Lucifarian, Yeray Marino, Flo Marino, Bano Marino, Judi Marino, Rino Marino, Nat Marino, Mac Marino, Ros Marino, Zac Marino, 'Monster' Mike, Sakurako, Ash Thunder

Enemies: (As of Jan 2021) Kirby Kingston, Eddie Kingston

Friends: Viola Nye, Bienvenida Marino, Pelageya Winter, Elinor Herbert, Saraid Grady-Sullivan, Natividad Marino, Xanthia Winter

Colleagues: The AEW locker room / Too many to list

Rivals: John Silver, PAC, Marko Stunt, Jungle Boy, Riho

Closest Confidant: Barbara Di Napoli

Mentor: Damien Lucifarian

Significant Other: None

Previous Partners: None of Note

Parents: Kevin Di Napoli (46, Father), Novella Di Napoli (46, Mother, Née Capitani)

Parents-In-Law: None

Siblings: Enrico Di Napoli (23, Brother), Barbara Di Napoli (20, Sister), Walter Di Napoli (17, Brother)

Siblings-In-Law: None

Nieces & Nephews: None

Children: None

Children-In-Law: None

Grandkids: None

Great Grandkids: None

Wrestling

Billed From: The Underworld

Trainer: The C.R.C Wrestling School, Damien Lucifarian

Managers: Damien Lucifarian

Wrestlers Managed: None

Debut: 2013

Debut Match: Ida Llewellyn VS Oriana Gould. Oriana won via submission

Retired: N/A

Retirement Match: N/A

Wrestling Style: Submission Artist

Stables: The Lucifarians (2014-)

Teams: Post

Regular Moves: Roundhouse Kick, Diving Crossbody, Diving Elbow Drop, Suicide Dive, Step-Up Enzuigiri, Springboard Clothesline, Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker, Sitout Suplex Slam, Slingshot Somersault Senton, Naptime (Arm Trap Swinging Neckbreaker)

Finishers: Dirt Nap (Arm Trap Triangle Choke), Lullaby (Fireman's Carry Dropped Into A Knee Lift)

Refers To Fans As: The Slothful, The Slothful Ones, The Apathetic, The Apathetic Ones

Extras

Backstory: The often lazy but willing to participate Honey Di Napoli was raised in Asbury Park, New Jersey with a dream to see herself as a champion at WrestleMania, but upon seeing the way women are treated in American wrestling, specifically the treatment from the McMahon run company, she left to train in the C.R.C wrestling school and ended up meeting Damien and the other girls while there, and through multiple training sessions with the budding stable she decided to join the group. She became 'Sloth' and is the last to have joined the group before they headed to Canada and then ended up in America.

Trivia: Nothing of note so far

#D.U.D.E #Lucifarian #original character #Di Napoli #C.R.C Wrestling Promotion #C.R.C Wrestling School

[astrojaxsaga]

Starting this blog up to start having accountability. Mostly for a focus on weight loss since that has been my goal for a long time.

I guess this journey started back in like 2017, when I got back from my study abroad trip in Europe. I was feeling a lot heavier than I had ever been, and it was mostly due to stress in college and being out on my own with my boyfriend (now husband 😍). We often made meals at home but weren't making very balanced choices. So for a few years I gained some weight, then at the end of undergrad decided I wanted to get more fit.

At the start of 2018 (which was the hardest year of my life so far), I had been tracking calories consistently and was able to get down to a very reasonable weight. Granted, the last 10 lbs really only came off because my dad had died and it was 100% due to grief. Again, worst year of my life ever. Then I started grad school and that came with its own challenges.

At any rate, after 2018 and the start of grad school when I felt pretty fit at 130lbs, I have since gained quite a bit. Covid, pressure from work, financial stress, the absolute fucking difficulty of trying to get an assessment for ADHD as an international student with no general practitioner abroad, it has all been a lot. And I have realized recently that I have a lot of anxiety that I don't often know what to do with, and my grad program is very pro-"Friday beer time" which I love. But I also don't have the ability to stop drinking when I start, and I've been using it as an emotional crutch. I think thats the main reason I have been struggling to lose weight is alcohol.

This blog is mostly to track my progress as I go down the rabbit hole again. I am both at my strongest, yet at my heaviest, and so I am looking to continue the good habits I have and maybe challenge myself to eat better (i.e., drink less). Today we will try to do better.

[breesays]

This will be our year --

Moving and transitioning and ending and searching. Spicy popcorn and texts just to check in. K.Flay and drawing with the right pens and making up words. Fizzy water and Lorde and ace community immersion. Thinking of the worst responses possible and keeping them to myself. Anna Banana workouts and binge reading and lemon gum trees. Yellowcard's "end" lasting exactly as long as my marriage. The Crane Wife and roles and relationships. Done lists over to-do lists and taking back nostalgia and seaweed snacks. The trivial and monumental, interwoven. Fall Out Boy's best album and again feeling like I NEED to be at certain shows. Hearing "Space" at WWWY. Watching lives fall apart and be stitched back together again. Realizing I have so many more questions than the ones I am asking - how can I be the next Barbara Walters? Planks and patio projects and tingling in my toes when the gummies hit just right. Facing the Instant Pot and failing a little but also making it work, a few times. Glass Animals and Goldfinger for Des and counterspace after the downstairs neighbors that gave me PTSD. Book club(s) and 6 pack of peaks and having friends to send sad text messages to. My 20-lb cat sleeping on my chest and framing mantras and having a few morning dance parties with Des. From "I made the mistake of reading your blog" to scrivener to hold my hand while we fall asleep. Booking The Warning and listening to Nosebleeds and feeling sleepy at The Hollywood Bowl during DCFC. To groupchats and moms club(s) and buying a dining table. Olivia Rodrigo and Paramore and Kesha and also wasn't 2008 a great year?

When I wrote this: It's my birthday. I'm celebrating but still also kind of mourning and my kid had a winter show today where he performed 3 songs from Grease (which is maybe the most I've ever seen of Grease) and it was the cutest thing I've ever seen and then got my friends into a show I didn't care to see but wanted to be out, doing something. I also knew there were words, sentences bubbling up inside of me. Eat a grilled cheese, talk about life, get home before you spill over. Too bad we couldn't find the warm floor of an abandoned basketball court to watch for shooting stars. In this smog? Well, we're optimists.

I've embarked on a personal project to go through all of my 3200+ LiveJournal entries. It's self-indulgent, I know. It's not without purpose. I'm writing a book about all the relationships I've navigated while not (really) knowing I'm Ace and I wanted to make sure I got the timeline and the sentiments correct. It's easy to be a badass in retrospect - but I don't want to lie to make myself look better. I've loved with my whole heart, with one ankle bearing the pressure of a door plenty of people had try to -end scene- me with.

Two things can be true? Actually, ten things can be true.

Can you believe how many lives we've already lived, inside of this one?

PJ already has 7000 words. He always said he said he felt small compared to me. The reason for his tall tales. I've been courted and carried and loved and weaved into the fabric of other beings and yet this shitbird from Missouri - he opens me up like its arterial. He's dead, and I'm still bleeding. I don't know what the LESSON is here. Worse - maybe there isn't one. Maybe I just feel bad until I feel better.

Overall, though - I guess this is progress. I'm feeling my feelings, even if they seem overdramatic, irrational. Future me is going to be back here, searching - so I give her this: You were sad. Your friend cup was overflowing and everyone wanted to celebrate with you, but you didn't have the energy (or money) to plan anything. You were going to a lot of shows. Reading like a fiend. Getting Desmond into OK Go. Forcing yourself to workout for the endorphins. You love where you live, in Studio City. The giant window, the patio, trees, the hummingbirds - the smallest things make the hugest impact. You have so much to look forward to.

Celebrate your friends birthdays because they are not guaranteed. Reach out, reach back, reach wherever and tell people that they matter. Spread your wings, take up space because this is it. This is it.

#breesays #writing #parenting #relationships

[eukaryotesrool]

Antelope

Alrighty, I'd like y'all to imagine an antelope, envision it, NOW.

Good? Then continue.

(Antelope overload)

Did you imagine a hoofed animal? Perhaps in grassy Africa? Grazing? Perchance, like the charming fellows above?

Well, all of the above are antelope! So what is 'antelope'? A family? An order even? No, and no, though, its related to a family in that it is a collection of genuses, but it's what's called a wastebasket taxon.

An antelope must be part of the family bovidae and NOT be a goat, sheep, or other cattle, the EXACT rules are a touch shaky because, well, antelope is (I believe) a polyphyletic grouping, meaning the group neither posses the common ancestor of all members of the group (which would be paraphyletic) or the common ancestor AND all descendents of that ancestor (which would be monophyletic, which makes something a true clade).

But there's still some meaning to the word, 91 entire species of antelope roam Africa, India, Central Asia, the Middle East, and even a small part of Eastern Europe.

(Illustration from The History of Four-footed Beasts (1607))

In much of ye old Europe the antelope was strangely viewed as a mighty beast of prey, with horns of razor and the heart of a wolf.

(Coat of arms of the Dule of Abercorn)

This design was used largely for heraldry, and still sticks around today, I think it looks neat.

Now, lets go over specific antelope, I've chosen based on very good reasons.

Best scientific name

(A kob)

Some scientific names repeat themselves, such as Vulpes vulpes, those ones are easy to remember, some species names are used as a common name, such as Arcticitis binturong

Then you have...

THE KOBUS KOB, near perfection, the generic name is very similar to the species name, and the species name is also a major common name, tremendous bonus points because it sounds funny

Even more bonus points because there's a subspecies called the Kobus kob kob, perfection, no notes.

The littlest baby

(So cute, squeeeee!)

The royal antelope, known scientifically as Neotragus pygmaeous, it's one of a large (unlike them, hehe) number of 'dwarf antelope' but the royal antelope is the littlest among them.

Standing up to 10 inches (25 cm) tall and weighing in at (at the upper end) 6.6 lb (3 kg), that footlong hotdog you had for lunch is longer than this lad is tall!

(A wittle baby royal antelope)

Little is known about these jungle-dwelling cuties, they mysteriously wander hidden in foliage.

The weirdest

(Such a silly guy!)

The saiga (Saiga tatarica) I mean, just look at him! This antelope lives mostly in Russia, making it an oddity in geographic location too!

Their strange downward curved nose is mysterious, and seems to serve many purposes, keeping warm, filtering out dust they inhale, and, of course, an amazing sense of smell!

They even communicate with loud nasally roars!

The most antelope-y

(Such antelope, much cute)

Thomson's gazelle (Eudorcas thomaonii) will always be the masoct of antelopes, the true antelope, to me.

It's still exceptional though, the fourth fastest land animal, running up to 50-55 MPH (80-90 KM/H) cheetahs (the fastest land animal) are their main predator. They're also sometimes called tommies!

The biggest baby

(They tall)

The fittingly names giant eland (Taurotragus derbianus)!

Standing between 7.19 and 9.55 feet (219 and 291 cm) tall, females weighing between 660 and 1320 pounds (300 a and 600 kg) and the larger males weighing from 880 up to 2650 pounds (400 to 1200 kg)!

My Favorite!

Yes, that's the royal antelope, it was love at first sight, okay? They're perfect! The saiga and Thomson's gazelle are the runner ups.

The most threatened

Sadly, there are several terribly threatened antelope, the hirola, or Beatragis hunteri is the worst off, considered critically endangered by the IUCN, there is only two levels worse than that, extinct in the wild, and truly extinct.

Less than 500 remain, none in captivity. Neither humanity nor nature have been too kind to this critter, hunting, habitat loss, disease and more have devestated this poor creature, the lowered elephant population causes bush enchroachment, harming the hirola, giving a good show of the domino effect of extinction, but its not all bad.

August twelth is hirola day! Human's have begun manually trimming brush, to keep the habitat of the hirola (and other species) in place, if they did go extinct it'd be the first time a mammalian genus has gone extinct in mainland Africa in modern human history, lets try not to lose the record we have going.

I have hope.

Sadly, the saiga is, yet again, a runner up, it too is critically endangered, along with other antelopes.

#TaxonOverview #animal facts #animals #cute animals #wild animal #animal photography #animal fact #antelope #Antelope facts #gazelle #zoology #Please point out any typos or erroneous information

[lunatriense]

yang’s beacon outfit wasn’t the best but like. at least it gave her SOME personality outside of just whatever tf is going on now. the only good outfit out of the main cast now is probably ruby’s. weiss’ for whatever reason is just. blue? and her hair, lord that braid weighs 90 lbs on its own. blake’s is meh. why does she have more purple than yang tho? and her ungodly amount of zippers and her skin tight suit like …it just looks bad. I also don’t like her bob either. yang’s is the worst of all tho, obviously.

and I could go on for days how good yang’s intruder outfit is. it’s literally her best outfit and looks just so perfect for her. matches her personality so perfectly too.

I hope if volume 10 gets the okay that they’ll just say everything else after volume 3 has just been some horrible “glance into the future” BS and they give the girls better outfits that actually look good and redo the entire story lol

Yeah, Yang's main Beacon outfit isn't bad, it's fine, it's just not incredible line intruder. And yeah, the other girls have gotten worse too; I actually like their Mistral outfits, and while Blake's Atlas outfit is completely ridiculous bondage gear, as a kinky bitch I have a soft spot for that, but not in the goddamn tundra lol. And yeah, her bob really doesn't work for her.

It would be awesome if they retconned everything since mid-v3 (when Ozpin introduced maidens and all) but they won't. The only hope of that — and for rwby as a whole — is a reboot from another company, whether that's continuing Ice Queendom or doing a totally new one.

#rwde #answers

[sarasa-cat]

Today: one win, one lose. A lot of hours wasted. Oh well.

(What was I expecting ordering a bargain basement posh product from Amazon Basics?)

The win was actually a trip win: My body feels almost back to normal. I woke up before my alarm at a pleasant hour — not too early, not whoooa oh too late. Banged out 4400 words of text at record speed (loving this clickity clackity mechanical keyboard lololol) that helps orient/reorient a major writing project. Well, technically, TWO (2) writing projects.

The lose that wasted so many hours of time? So, I have this Cintiq pro that is small — only a 16” one — which is extremely light weight. Like, 4 lbs 4 oz, maybe? Something like that, it’s been a week since I looked at its specs.

It is really really really REALLY REALLY difficult to find a vesa-plate monitor arm thinger with the specs and positional flexibility I need that is capable of holding something lighter than 7 or 8 lbs. THE PROBLEM.

Eventually someone on reddit claimed that they had luck with an amazon basics product that is essentially a reworked Ergotron arm. And it is only US$100. So, fine. Ordered. Waited for it to arrive. Set it up. AND despite the thousands of reviews with a 4.5 star rating, THE FUCKING THING DID NOT WORK.

Well, so I searched 1 star reviews and it seems there is a quality control issue with this product and lots of people end up with an arm that is all locked up (stuck and not fixable) for all of the joints that move in various directions near the vesa plate. after hours of fucking with it — bc the screws it came with didn’t fit so I needed to get different (shorter) screws for my cintiq — I confirmed that I indeed had one of these zero quality control fuckers. You cannot tilt the monitor (cintiq in this case) left or right or up or down. The mechanism the vesa plate is attached to points up to the ceiling 5evah. Which makes it useless for a normal monitor. For a cintiq I can get the lever arm to drop the whole thing into my lap but that is NOT ergonomic. BAD FOR THE NECK! And hard to draw from the shoulder.

Back in the box, processed a return. Risking a replacement but if that one is also a bust I’m giving up on this and back to the drawing board.

Honestly, I am this close to saying ARRRRGGG and purchasing a big fucker cintiq with cintiq’s mounting system and either selling my 16 or using it for travel because it is really very laptop sized and portable and can be used in one’s lap (which is what most people used it for, at least prior to the pandemic). But for ergonomic reasons I need something on a mount that I can swivel around and tilt and move based on how my body feels.

I just don’t spend enough hours per week in digital land to make me feel justified purchasing the big fucker from cintiq but I cannot afford to be taking off 2, 3, or even 6 to 12 months at a time to let shoulder RSI (yes, my fucking shoulder. The final year at daygig destroyed it. When it was at its worst I really did need 9 months of time off to get it workable.)

But also, I don’t spend much time in digital land for my art process BECAUSE I cannot do it comfortably and ergonomically given my set up and/or equipment.

So fuck.

All that said, once I get a highly ergonomic situation going for digital art, I suspect I will switch a lot more of my process to digital. Tbd. I just don’t know.

I need a new shoulder. Honestly, it hurts right now from all of the fucking around with nonsense that did not solve my problem and it did not hurt this morning or all of the past month.

Who needs a bank account with savings in it. (Yes, I am self employed so I cannot ask boss for ok and expense this to some corporation but instead must fuck around every spring with annual taxes to sort the nonsense out)

#off to price out other potential solutions and re-measure my very tricky workspace #that wasn’t designed for this sort of equipment #fml

[gayspock]

ok so tbh i really need to prep for this interview im fucked with. let me lb peacekeeper wars instead. part 1

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIDBUDGET HELLAURRR

sorry im always blown away. i remember watching so many treks, and then seeing their movies after and foaming... those were obciously MUCH bigger leaps in terms of, like, production but its like... GOD I NEVER REALLY REALISE HOW THE USUAL SHOW LOOKS UNTIL THE SHIFT LOL HELP. i should really be more observant o_o

but THIS... WTF... BUDGET... SO SCARY

th

NEVERMIND EIYW9IFPAEK[GK[PSDPO THE. RYGEL SWIMMING ABOUT IS MAKING ME SCREAM. DOES ANYONE REMEMBER UHM. THE windows screensaver ? the aquarium? hes so that.... I FORGOT HE WAS LIKE SOME SORT OF UCCKING WET BEAST. also the transition of him in the water to above the wter is so funny

diagnosans are so cool i wish we got them more

ALTHOUGH ALSO GRUNCDGHDLDIK WHOSE NAME I CANNOT SPELL... SO FUNNY HE JUST POPPED BACK UP. DONT GIVE US AN EXPL-

SORRY

I JUST SAW

SIKOZUS' NEW

LOOKIMHAVING ... A CATEGORY 10 WOMAN EVENT. IIS OCCURING ON MY SCREEN

ANYWAYS i want to say: like.... for the record, im kinda disappointed that they did fix john and aeryn's predicament so fast. its fine- its FIINEEE- like... its just the cheap cliffhangers are kinda so tired lol. its hardly the worst in the world, but its annoying- although WELL AT LEAST WE CAN GET ON WITH IT, SO LETS NOT FUSS....

BUT actually no i mean. i am also annoyed they fixed chianas blindness soo easily too like COME ON GUYS!! COMMIT TO THE THINGS YOU DO. SHEESH

ALTHOUGH this whole recap is so cute i love it when they do stuff like this - o rat least, when they do it right like here with john .... johns one of the few who could carry like this

THAT BALD CUNT WAS ON EASTENDERS

WHY ARE THEY KIRA NERYSing RYGEL THIS IS SO... YOURE LYINGGGGGG. BE QUEIT. i assume theyre jsut trying to avoid complications- want aeryn in on the action and stuff- and rygel is always out of the action - but omg...

also its so nice they managed to pick stark up. i love his involvement here. but kill yourselves for cutting his hair it was so beautiful

"I heard the key to these things is being relaxed" d'argo youve had 1.5 failed marr- SORRY I CANT FINISH THAT JKOKE THATS TOO MEAN SORRY DARGO ITSNOT YOUR FAULTL

also is this actress officiating them the same one who played the sebacean lass who tortured her at the end of last season

actually i WILL also say: i love the slight revamping to everybodys prosthetics. noranti and the scarran lady both have slightly different looks . chiana's hair is also so nice

SORRY BUT SIKOZU IS SERVING SO BAD IM THROWING UP I AM SO OBSESSED SORRY IM EASYYYY. i said what i said in my last post- i wish they could have used her better, because i do actually REALLY like so much of her but ARHGH execution iwse hell on earth innit

hang on. fucking hell i dont know why- i totally forgot that... this would be wrapping EVERYTHING UP, do you know what i mean? i assumed itd be closing up just the immediate things for some reason- but oh christ, we're going back to the early s4 stuff. thats kinda funny bc i did not care for that LOL. but i'm game nonetheles.... will jool be back? smile.

"is he propositioning me?" CHIANA AOIDJAOSIFASFIAFJ

"however 😏it vibrates" MATE PLEASE

also sorry i didnt say anything but why is greyza so pregnant. girl i dont want you here osrry. although shes funny shes fucking mister eastenders . bald ass head.

HONEY YOURE POINTING A GUN AT TH E BABY! [cut to rygel] IS SO FUNNY

CAN THEY JSUT GET MARRIED

also so sad i said i love sikozu and her new look and i want to know more about what my girlie is up to but is she gonna do fuck all here LOL.... OH WELL.

i love it . peacekeeper infighting . you guys. <3 rip each other apart<3

ALSO GOD OWULD SCORPY AND CRICHTON QUIT IT. GIRLS GROW UP.

ALSO WAIT- so chiana's power is just... full-on, now? no price to pay for using it? BOOOO.

d'argo and aeryn bonding... SHUT UP I NEED MORE OF THAT. WHERES THE BROSHIP BETWEEN THEM, HUH. WE NEVER GET THAT EITHER.

hii 1812 omg hiiii- DONT TELL HIM TO SHUT UP JOHN I'LL KILL YOU SORRY I DONT MEAN THAT

omg hiii jool wow wee i didnt- ALRIGHT UHM. HI JOOL. GIRL HE'S ENGAGED

im sorry but the jokes theyre pulling with rygel actually are making me laugh. "theyre having MY baby." THE WAY HE SAYS IT LIKE THAT IS MAKING ME LOSE IT.

ALTHOUGH i will also say. as much as i have enjoyed this so far i dont really care that much, again, for the actual plot-plot... like all this with pikal, and with the temple stuff from the beginning of s4- i thought those eps were weak, and whilst i am open to more involvement with them, their approach here is as equally uninspiring. like, so what...? reuniting them will be able to bring peace? even if more complication arises, i feel like thats such a boring concept LOL. like- do you know what i mean? but fine thyeyre making it up with everything else

"crichton is your inferior." SIKOZU, GIRL FJSPOGKSPGKSDGPKDS PLEASE...

SORRY BUT

ALSO I HAVE SAID ALL IVE SAID ABOUT SIKOZU YEAH BUT LIKE. SIKOZU/SCORPIUS IS SO FUNNY. again i like sikozu as a character, and i think her insights arent unimportant- BUT HELL, HER AND SCORPY ARE SO FUNNY. LIKE COME ON. PLEASE. BFFR. I LIKED THIER DYNAMIC, IS THE THING - at least in s4 i did.... but a romance between them, or any sexual relationship just doesnt work. please.

okay the eidelons (googled their name) are going to get fucking decimated now arent they

i mean like i said i dont.... I DONT THINK ITS EVEN A GOOD CONCEPT TO ENTERTAIN. SHUT IT DOWN <3 ^_^

is jool about to die

imagine if jool just dieshere it'll be a little funny after everything she comes back and just-

jool?

hi sorry... UHM. EHRM. AWWWKWAARDDDDD

JOOL GIRL ARE YOU OKAY DOWN THERE LOL

dont SHOOT MOYA'S ASS COME ON NOW BE POLITE

"but im prEeGGNANT"

jesus fuCKING CHRIST HE JUST RIPPED OUT HIS HEAD RODS EEK OH EEKE SCORPY ARE YOU WELL

see okay i already didnt care about the eidelons being, like, the solution to the war - it doesnt make sense - but also like... i dont like the implication that humans were sebacean's ancestors, which im pretty sure thats where thats going. sorry. its annoying. what i loved so much about farscape is HOW much humans are like... rempved from everythin, theyre so nothing... theyre not some big, significant race in the universe. theyre not, like, the moral fucking centre like in star trek. i know one of my LEAST faourite doctor who fan theories is th at the time lords come from humans- like come on, man? i dont care about explaining why they look alike! its NOTHINGGGG to me.

i also hate how "small" it makes the universe. i hate coincedences and i hate people bumping into each other. ts so fucking limiting, man. SORRY. circhtons isolation is so hard hitting bc hes so far gone from everything and anything hes ever known and should never be able to return to where he was from. just leaae it

bUHM

UHM, IS DARGO AND CHIANA OKAY

UHM HELLO HEY GUYS

HEY GUYS ARE THEY FUCKING OKAY

LIKE JOKES ASIDE WE DID NOT EVEN SEE THEM SO EHRM . LIKE I MEAN WE DIDNT- DID WE? I MEAN- NO WAY THEYRE FINE.. HUH

"You will die, when I order it." "okay :<" HELP

OKAY DARGO BABY IS OKAY OHGOD- OH OH MY GOD THEYRE ALIVE I KNEW THEY HAD TO BE FUCK OFF.. FUCKING CHRIST

I LOVE THE WAY THEY FUCKING KEEP PUTTING DARGO INTO SPACE. THE BILLIONTH FUCKING TIME. ITS SO FUNNY SORRY. LET GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!

the scarran emperor should just get this man. theres no way

im sorry I DONT CARE FOR THESE GUYS ITS SUCH A WEAK ASS CONCEPT. certainly i love the idea of negotiation and peace- but just some fuck random negotiator, please, i dont care. im fine with peace negotiations as resolutions - god, yes - but when its between parties that are actually engaged and dont have some ambiguous powers ... like cmon you cant fucking just magically fix INTERGALACTIC POLITICS. LIKE THIS. like come on be for real. "the secret of peace" - please....

OH THANK GOD CHIANA AND DARGO ARE- HELP THATS SO FUCKINH GUNNY... THATS- THATS JOTHEE?????? YOURE LYING. THATS SO FUNNY.

ALSO THERE-

YEP

I MEAN IT WAS OBVIOUS THE EIDELON(?) owuld jsut die but againe ven FUCKING.... entertaining it i cant STRESS how much i didnt care like come on be REAL . BE FOR REALL. -_-

guys what the fuck did you do to stark GUYS COME ON . LEAVE HIM ALONE.

ARE Q E STOPPING THERE

OKAY

END OF PART 1

I DD NEJOY THAT I MEN I DID HONESTLY HELP

#Egg.txt #FARSCAPE LIVEBLOG

[k3p13r]

Who is Matthew?

I’m glad you asked:

He is a lanky guy with a frame that probably couldn't move a desk out of the way. His style tends to border on accent pieces capturing the focus of whoever is looking at him rather than full, extravagant outfits. His favorites of which are jean jackets over graphic t-shirts, an occasional chain on his belt loops, windbreakers, or any other form of sweater. Not much can be said about his collection of jeans, high-tops, and assorted vintage movie shirts. Being a bit of a poser, you could ask him about what he liked best about the Back To The Future shirt he is wearing and he would simply shrug. He has never seen it.

Matthew has wavy hair that conceals exactly how long it truly is. If one were to run a flat iron through it, the flattened curl would be drastically juxtaposed with the rest of his hair. That being said, they still reach the nape of his neck and his eyebrows. Matt's hair in itself is unruly and hard to tame, but the worst part is his refusal to put any sort of gel in it to try and tame any flyaways. He has a certain hatred to having his hair feel crunchy- he never has explained why.

An accident in the past caused the unfortunate loss of his eye-but after mourning over it, he decided it isn't the end of the world. He has been given the option to get a glass eye in its place, but his embarrassment over the loss of it in the first place leads to him just wearing eye coverings instead. Rarely will he show people the socket, but he will entertain the occasional child who asks him to do a pirate expression. Matt has become quite good at the accent.

With a surprisingly warm hazel eye contrasting against his rosy complexion, Matthew usually doesn't worry much about his skin. It is too oily or dry- yet it still breaks out occasionally due to a plethora of reasons.

Fun Facts:

- He enjoys synthpop, general 70's disco, and classical.

- He has an irrational fear of getting his face dirty.

- His favorite fruit is strawberries, but he dislikes strawberry cake and ice cream.

- April teases him a lot about his inability to socialize too well, but he remains steadfast in his ways regardless.

- He cried watching Finding Nemo.

- His favorite eye covering is the default white eyepatch, but he will wear a pirate patch if prompted to.

- He once went to a concert for one of his favorite artists, but ended up at an alternative music festival instead.

- He wishes to live in a big city like New York City despite his fear of dirt.

- He is bisexual, just doesn't have much experience in either aspect.

- No, he hasn't heard of your anime character with an eyepatch.

- He tried to learn Spanish. It did not go well.

- He misses his cat a lot, but his apartment complex doesn't allow pets.

- His birthday is on June 23rd, 1999

-He is right handed

-He is 6’1 and 150 lbs

-His left eye is the one he lost, usually having it covered

Personality:

Matt is and always will be relatively on the quiet side. His mind is always full of thoughts, be it regarding past issues or current annoyances; he will never stop thinking. However, this doesn’t render him antisocial - he just has a very low battery. This means he will be very decisive on who he wants to be around, and will make it clear when he does not want company. It’s never anymore fault, really, he just finds that if he isn’t assertive about it, they will never understand.

His upbringing, despite an eventual climb into the comfortable middle class, left him in a perpetual state of a scarcity response. An uncomfortable feeling fills him everytime he has no choice but to ask others for help, be it financially or materialistic; therefore, he rarely ever asks anyone for even a fry off their plate. This, and the loss of his eye make him a very self-conscious person with a tendency to self ridicule and criticize. It’s the main cause of his inner torment, though past trauma itself resides within him as well.

He is quite creative, finding the time to express himself through painting and writing. It isn’t often that he will buy himself new art supplies, but he sure does fill up the sketchbook he has to the absolute maximum before treating himself to a new one.

In regards to his relationships with people, he has figured out his sexuality. Though being bisexual doesn’t help much with his crippling fears of commitment and vulnerability. Not even he knows what prompted them to begin in the first place; what’s worse is that he is aware of their existence. He just needs help getting over them. Matt finds it hard to warm up to people, accidentally pushing them away time and time again. This isn’t because he is mean or rude to the people he encounters - he just seems indifferent. So they just decide to give up talking to him entirely instead of taking the time to figure him out. That is totally fine by him.

[Disclaimer: Matthew is still a heavy work in progress. His backstory is being tweaked regularly and this page itself may be removed from pinned eventually for a newer one]

[perenlop]

i know pokeani isnt exactly avant garde and full of originality but jesus so much of it’s humor just relies on repeating the same joke over and over again even within the same episode

#im glad i skipped the last episode bc the one after that is literally so boring and annoying #i kid u not the repeat the exact same line and joke like 8 times in the same episode and theres nothing funny abt the line #its just the repetition thats the joke. but they dont even change it up like a slight wordor something its just the exact same line #in the exact same cadence #over and over again #doesnt help that the voice acting sounded so much worse in this episode for some reason like everything felt sloppy #its not a contender for worst episode ever or anything but man its pokemon filler stock plot at its most dull #man this compared with the hoenn tag battle episode. i think tag battle episodes are just inherently cursed and none of them are likable #echoed voice #pokeani lb

[faminedbitch]

i used to be 134 lbs. i wasnt that skinny but i was skinnier than i am now. my stomach was flat, i wasnt hungry a lot, and even people would tell me how thin i was. i didnt take it for granted at the time, but i definitely wanted to be less. now im 141 lbs and the worst ive been in a while. i dont even know how i got like this. i eat one meal a day but im not losing any weight. the worst part is you can see it in my face. i have a double chin aLwAys and my face is so round. omg i hate this. my gw is only 20 pounds down but im acting like its the hardest thing in the world. people have it so much harder than me and i can barely do that 20 pounds. can i even lose 20 pounds in 2 months ? i feel like thats pretty reasonable. i need help 😫

#thinspo #thin #pro ana #pro 4na #eating problems #disordered eating thoughts #food #food problems

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Bios: Honey Di Napoli / Honey Lucifarian

The Patient Zombie Honey Lucifarian (2020)

The fifth of the seven, the always tired Honey, obviously, isn't the most energetic woman in the world, but she's energetic enough to choke someone out, including teams and stables full of people by using the power of Sloth. Once she knows you're tired enough to give in, she'll turn you into a zombified version of your former self.

"If anything I envy how long most corpses stay asleep."

Name

Full Legal Name: Honey Oriana Di Napoli

First Name: Honey

Meaning: Simply from the English word 'Honey', ultimately from Old English 'Hunig'

Pronunciation: HUN-ee

Origin: English

Middle Name: Oriana

Meaning: Possibly derived from Latin 'Aurum' 'Gold' or from its derivatives, Spanish 'Oro' or French 'Or'

Pronunciation: o-RYA-na

Origin: Italian, Spanish

Surname: Di Napoli

Meaning: Means 'From Naples' in Italian

Pronunciation: dee-NA-po-lee

Origin: Italian

Alias: The Patient Zombie, Honey Lucifrian

Reason: Damien went a bit too far with creating Honey, accidentally 'murdering' her before 'reviving' her to make the 'Zombie' known as Honey Lucifarian

Nicknames: Hon, Ori, Ana

Titles: Miss

Characteristics

Age: 25

Gender: Female. She/Her Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: Italian-American

Ethnicity: White

Birth Date: October 20th 1995

Symbols: Goats, the colour blue (of lighter shades)

Sexuality: Lesbian

Religion: Atheist

Native Language: English

Spoken Languages: English, Italian, French, Spanish

Relationship Status: Single

Astrological Sign: Libra

Theme Song: 'My Own Worst Enemy' - Lit (2013-2015), 'My Own Worst Enemy' - Get Scared (2015-)

Voice Actor: Angie Harmon

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Asbury Park, Monmouth County, New Jersey

Current Location: On the road / Asheville, North Carolina

Hometown: Asbury Park, Monmouth County, New Jersey

Appearance

Height: 5'6" / 167 cm

Weight: 150 lbs / 68 kg

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Ginger

Hair Dye: One front strand dyed light blue

Body Hair: N/A

Facial Hair: N/A

Tattoos: (As of Jan 2020) 6

Piercings: Lobe piercings (both)

Scars: Appendix surgery scar

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: Social Drinker, Doesn't smoke or do drugs

Illnesses/Disorders: None

Medications: None

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Allies: (As of Jan 2020) None

Enemies: (As of Jan 2020) None

Friends: Viola Nye, Bienvenida Marino, Pelageya Winter, Kirby Rhydderch, Elinor Herbert, Saraid Grady-Sullivan, Natividad Marino, Xanthia Winter, Seren Mathieson, Mavourneen Llewellyn, Eadburg McWilliam, Queen MacEntire, Ida Scott

Colleagues: The AEW locker rooms / Too many to list

Rivals: John Silver, PAC, Marko Stunt, Jungle Boy, Riho

Closest Confidant: Barbara Di Napoli

Mentor: Damien Lucifarian

Significant Other: None

Previous Partners: None of note

Parents: Kevin Di Napoli (45, Father), Novella Di Napoli (46, Mother, Née Capitani)

Parents-in-Law: None

Siblings: Enrico Di Napoli (22, Brother), Barbara Di Napoli (19, Sister), Walter Di Napoli (16, Brother)

Siblings-In-Law: None

Nieces & Nephews: None

Children: None

Children-In-Law: None

Grandkids: None

Great Grandkids: None

Wrestling

Billed From: The Underworld

Trainer: The C.R.C Wrestling School, Damien Lucifarian

Managers: Damien Lucifarian

Wrestlers Managed: None

Debut: 2013

Debut Match: Ida Llewellyn VS Oriana Gould. Oriana won via submission

Retired: N/A

Retirement Match: N/A

Wrestling Style: Submission Artist

Stables: The Lucifarians (2014-)

Teams: Post

Regular Moves: Roundhouse Kick, Diving Crossbody, Diving Elbow Drop, Suicide Dive, Step-Up Enzuigiri, Springboard Clothesline, Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker, Sitout Suplex Slam, Slingshot Somersault Senton, Naptime (Arm Trap Swinging Neckbreaker)

Finishers: Dirt Nap (Arm Trap Triangle Choke), Lullaby (Fireman's Carry Dropped Into A Knee Lift)

Refers To Fans As: The Slothful, The Slothful Ones, The Apathetic, The Apathetic Ones

Extras

Backstory: The often lazy but willing to participate Honey Di Napoli was raised in Asbury Park, New Jersey with a dream to see herself as a champion at WrestleMania, but upon seeing the way women are treated in American wrestling, specifically the treatment from the McMahon run company, she left to train in the C.R.C wrestling school and ended up meeting Damien and the other girls while there and through multiple training sessions with the budding stable she decided to join the group. She became 'Sloth' and is the last to have joined the group before they headed to Canada and then ended up in America.

Trivia: Nothing of note so far

#D.U.D.E #Lucifarian #original character #Di Napoli #C.R.C Wrestling Promotion #C.R.C Wrestling School

[nothingtasteasgoodasskinnyfeels]

controversial opinion (maybe)

i’m going to preface this by saying that this is my personal experience with medical professionals. recovery is great. happiness is a great. a healthy relationship with food and a balanced lifestyle is great.

eds are considered mental health disorders. it’s considered extremely detrimental to have your worth so intertwined with your weight that you refuse to feed your body the things it needs to survive. with that being said, doctors, physician or psychiatrist, don’t seem to care about its roots. when they treat you for an ed, their focus seems to be only on feeding you, and not on fixing the cause of your ed on a personal level.

it seems like any doctor i’ve come in to contact with couldn’t care less about how much gaining weight actually affects someone. last summer i went on SSRIs and gained TWENTY lbs in one summer. because of this, it resulted in my mental health declining more than ever before. sure it ever so slightly numbed the other feelings but it certainly made my body image worse.

for three years i had managed to maintain my weight. sure, i wanted to be skinnier, but the number on the scale didn’t go up. and once it did, it was over. it was almost comical. within maybe a week my clothes stopped fitting me. it was the worst think i’ve ever gone through. anyways, i expressed this to my psychiatrist, about how much this was affecting me, as well as other side effects, and she urged me to stay on these drugs that had effectively ruined my body and were starting to ruin my life.

it’s almost as if there is a hierarchy to the reasons you wanna kys or are depressed. if you have a traumatic past you’re at the top of the pyramid, but if you have an eating disorder you’re laughed at.

when i told her that this medication she put me on was making me want to die and ruining my self image and increasing my social anxiety, she told me to stay on it, simply because it was doing those things through weight gain.

excuse the ramble. i just wanted to say you’re valid. it does not matter why you feel the way you do, but what matters is that that is the way you feel. here if anyone wants to talk 🩷

#@na vent #⭐️ve #⭐️rving #tw ed but not sheeran #weight loss diet #tw 3d vent #⭐️ ing motivation #ed diet tips #purge tips

[shwarmii]

i just moved three boxes (two light and one heavy-for-me) to my car to take to the storage unit after a break and i AM SO BRAVE

context: i am still in the process of moving (un-moving? i am here, in a new residence, but i am surrounded by boxes and shit ugh) and i was very kindly gifted a storage unit by my parents since i down-sized so much (and my dad is a hoarder so he was very "YOU CAN'T GET RID OF YOUR BREAKFAST ISLAND CHAIRS JUST BC YOU NO LONGER HAVE A BREAKFAST ISLAND" even tho i got the three plush chairs for a total of $20 bc thrifting yay). but i couldnt supervise the movers (bc i was so wiped i was gonna throw up or faint if i didnt lay down and let them do whatever) and they apparently read like.. 2 or 3 of my labels and none of the rest. so they ignored so many that instructed them to put things in the storage unit. and i dont feel comfy calling them for a discount bc they had to deal with so much regarding me and my disability already (mainly: that i didnt finish packing before they got there. yeah. i did 2 or 3 all-nighters in a row just before they came, worked for weeks, and still couldnt do it all. best i could do was make them piles of the remaining stuff and go "please help")

but yeah, im quite disabled and sickly and i have muscle weakness, and i am spent FOR A DAY after a carrying a single case of Arrowhead water from my car to my personal cart to my apartment, so you can imagine the havoc a medium-to-large Costco Box of board games is apparently causing me

(read more is just more of me complaining about boxes, ft. me breaking down how my internalized ableism skews my pov of how difficultly heavy things are by using my little sister for comparison)

i was so shaky after, it sucked so bad. im so glad my storage unit has carriers by the door so i dont gotta haul that shit long-distance anymore. my body is so disregulated, jfc, that box felt like it might as well have been 50 lbs but i know for a fact it was on the heavier side of "light". bc my little sister helped me out with the worst of my heavy boxes a week or so ago (aka: my book boxes. bastards were the heaviest thing by far bc i have a concept art book collection and those books are weirdly shaped and hardcover and even just five of them is heavy enough for me to struggle. though, in my defense, i had a physical therapist test my muscle strength and she openly said "Oh, god, that's not good" lmao rip) and like.. my lil sister is an athlete, sure (and built like a model jfc she is so tall and dainty, hOW?? shes got muscle mass but its so stretched out that she looks like she doesnt have much. but bitch works out for fun, runs at least a mile every morning before college classes, and does sports and dance for shits and giggles. and also she's STEM. beauty and brains. jfc, i love her, her future partner better worship the ground she walks on, i swear. but yeah, her favorite way to show love is acts of service and she likes doing physical labor, so when i asked for help all hesitantly and ready to bribe, she was like "Okay!!✨️" before i even finished and rejected any form of payment that was more than a starbucks frap. she's back in college on the other side of California now anD I MISS HER COMPANY.. AND ALSO HER MUSCLES...) but she truly carried all my book-boxes like they weighed as much as a handheld-basket of laundry

and i even asked her "Is that an okay weight? I can grab another cart, we can take as many breaks as you need, would you like a water, thank you so much for doing this, are you okay??" and she just laughed like a mix of Santa Claus and the blonde girl from Utena (/positive)

she was so fine with what she was carrying. the only reason she agreed to a cart was to make shit faster with less trips, but she didnt care about the weight of the boxes themselves. she even said "These aren't nearly as bad as you made them out to be!" (as bad = me telling her I couldn't lift them. i had to make the boxes and tower then ontop of one another and put a book in individually at a time. after they were filled, i could not lift those boxes at all). she openly found these boxes easy to deal with. they were about Office Depot File Cabinet size bc i worried using a BIG box for books would be truly unliftable. but yeah no she was fine. my sister was very open about it even and did a couple of tricks for the comedy of making me go "EY EY EY, BE CAREFUL, DONT HURT YOURSELF" and fuss over her

so. like. i know she'd be able to carry this board-game box i am currently struggling with, probably even one-handed if it wasnt for its awkward size of it which would necessitate she use two hands. and you might go "shwarmi, your sister is probably not an accurate representation of a person's strength, im sure those boxes were heavy, books are heavy, so are board games" and im like:

the book-boxes were likely heavy but mangeable for most people. the board game box was definitely heavy-end-of-the-"light" weight-spectrum. also, my sister is a great barometer for me because i am in F-tier, maybe D-tier on a good day, and she is A-tier. she is likely not S-tier, she isnt a body-builder, doesnt have obvious muscle definition, no a six-pack, no evident biceps or calfs, nothing. so most people are B- or C-tier. so she is actually a good litmus test for me, personally, because i see the strain on a B-/C-tier person and i spiral into thinking they feel like me when they DONT. so seeing my sister have no problems or strain beyond "this cart that your storage unit supplied sucks to steer!" makes my dumbass go "...ahhh, i see how different me struggling versus a B-/C-tier person struggling is now that i see my sister's limits and think of her proverbial Strength Stat as ridiculously high". i have a few other friends (and a brother, who teagically lives far away from me boo) who pride themselves on their strength that similarly make me do a double-take of "OOOOOOH.. oh, okay, my frame of reference has been righted, okay"

really brings to light a reminder that i still have a SHIT TON of internalized ableism. it is very hard rn to not kick myself for only doing three boxes in one trip today. my dumbass really wants to go "DO A NORMAL PERSON AMOUNT OF STORAGE MOVING" but, my comrade, i am not normal. i am disabled. i very physically weak. there is a reason why my loved ones and i make frequent jokes comparing me to "sickly Victorian ghost children" (hence why my @/playbychoices account had that John Mulaney quote as its blog-title for so long). i can do these three boxes today. hopefully, i can do the equivalent or more tomorrow, but i also could have another week-plus long flare-up like i did this past period before today. so. today. just three. very sadge. but alas, the way things do be

anyway

praise me for this stupid fucking board-games box. the other two were easy, even for me. one was even the same awkwardly medium-large Costco box but just had lighter shit inside. but the board game box??

shit sucked. im sitting next to an a/c with an ice-cold drink and my feet up, trying to get my likely-POTS-raddled body regulated back to a mangable level

but still

shit sucked

#shwarmi #me #diary dump

[kgescoba]

I’ve been on and off with my physical and mental health for years. And its more and more frustrating each time. I am tired, tired, and tired off my bullshit. This first half of the year has also been one of the worst for me. I’m kinda tired of just wallowing in my own pity tbh. Feeling bad and horrible about myself and then doing fucking nothings. I’m ridiculous for that honestly. But it changes today. I can’t keep this pity party going. I’ve always been so good at everything else like academics, cleanliness, responsibilities but for some reason I’m always my last priority when I should be my top priority.

My friends and I are going in a trip in January 2024 hopefully and I’ve set my first few goals to hopefully be completed by that time. Since its August, that gives me roughly 6 months to get shit done which I believe is a decent amount of time to get many things in order if I stay consistent and disciplined.

Honestly speaking many of my goals are for superficial reasons but they are also for my health. I think goals can be for both reasons and people shouldn’t feel bad if their goals are just because they wanna look better honestly. If you’re bettering yourself in anyway and its for you then i always so go for it but sometimes the internet can be very judgmental sadly. I believe in my goals and that they will better me in many ways. I’m going to do everything in my strength to manifest them and make sure they come to life.

So what are my goals? Well theres many and in different points of my life.

First off, and my most important is mental health/selfcare. I have been having the worst year and part of that is my own depression and self-pity. I need to work on that very much. While theres no specific goal for this one per say, I want to take a bit of time everyday to help myself relax and soften my mood. This could be done in many different ways. Some of the things I plan to do is to do morning yoga/pilates, daily diary entrees in my journal, 30 or more minutes of daily readings, and hot girl walks. Also, my other goals will likely also help my mental well-being too which is a plus. Mostly tho, I know I will be in a better place mentally by the time we go on our trip. I also plan on being on social media a lot less. Comparing myself to others in different positions as me is not beneficial to me and the way I see myself. I’m opting to use social media that I feel helps me more and that would be my Pinterest, lemon8, my ipad tiktok acct, and this tumblr. I’m setting limits and getting off anytime i feel overwhelmed.

Next goal is ofc more physical health/activity. My goodness am I not well in this category. I lose breathe by walking up like three steps and it is honestly so embarrassing to me. I am young and I should not be this tired at my age. My specific goal in this aspect is that I will lose 30 lbs by the time of my trip with my friends. I know that the time frame I have set for myself is more than enough. To attain this goal I will be obviously being more physical. I have decided that I will be going to the gym 4 times a week and do cardio everyday. Ofc I will have rest days but I still plan on going on walks or doing a bit of jump rope those days. I will be weight lifting too. It is not going to be an like weightlifting weightlifting but I do believe it does help greatly in a weight loss journey. Next, I will also be changing my eating habits. While I don’t eat “bad” food, i do have bad eating habits. I miss meals or only eat once a day, or drink coffee for breakfast. I also don’t drink enough water. For me, the best way to help myself here is by cooking more at home and actually having lunches or breakfast ready for me to grab and go. I hate calorie counting so I will not be doing that as I feel it sets me back most of the time. But I will be eating intuitively, making sure i add more veggies and stop buying so much takeout. I do like planning my meals as well and I love grocery shopping.

Moving on, next goal is working on my financial things. Imma be honest, I am broke af. I work a minimum wage job and I am full-time in Uni. I also love shopping like omg. I see something cute and I need it. Realistically tho, this overconsumption is not good and I need to stop that. I have so many things that I know I do NOT need more. I don’t need clothes or shoes or bags or stationary or plushies NOTHING. I quite literally have everything I need to be content. So I will definitely start controlling my spending and make wishlist. I also recently invested in a nespresso to hopefully save some money on buying coffees. Making my own meals will also help not break the bank. I want to start saving atleast $30 per check and send it into my savings. I also want to pay off my credit cards. I think I have about $1600 in credit card debt right now and I am sure I can pay that off in no time if I set my mind to it. My method of paying it off will be taking $50 every time I get and paying that to the card with more interest while paying the minimum amount for the other card until I finish the first one. I used this method to pay off my chase card and it worked wonders so I know I can do this. This method ensures that I am atleast paying off $100 a month to one of the cards. Once I am out of card debt, I’ll have funds that are just for myself.

Lastly, we have skincare. I unfortunately have back acne and some dark spots on my face. I really need to fix that. Changing my eating habits and getting more physically active will definitely help this goal, but I also want to strictly start sticking to my skin and body routine. I do have a skincare plan that I have seen help me but I do not stay consistent. Unfortunately sometimes I don’t shower or do my skincare and it does set me back. So from now on I will be following my routines strictly. I have an app that sends me reminders of when I should be doing my routines and as annoying as the notifications will be, it will help me. That way can attain clearer and healthier skin.

Now the biggest issue is making sure I stay disciplined. Its gonna be my mind set that needs the most work. I’m helping myself by reading self-help books and listening to some very useful podcast. I am also going to do everything confidently with NO DOUBTS in my head. I don’t care what my parents or siblings are gonna say. They can suck it. Not only that but I know that all my cute besties and my sweet boyfriend are going to support me through this because they always are. They’re my rocks frfr and they help me in so many ways without even knowing it. I am going to change and I am becoming the best version of me. No one can take that away from me ever. While I plan on keeping this private, I will share this with one specific bestie cause she is the most helpful in keeping me consistent teehee.

I love myself the way I am but I know I can and will be better in every way.

08.13.23 gaby

#diary #motivation #bettering myself