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#its so nice to get that email notif

productofaritual · 6 months

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Sometimes I'll be hesitant to leave kudos or a comment on an older fic.

But then I'll remember how I feel every time someone leaves a comment or kudos on any of my works. Every time someone bookmarks, every time I get even a couple more hits. And I go for it

#LEAVE KUDOS. LEAVE COMMENTS #IT WILL LITERALLY MAKE THE AUTHOR'S DAY #I CAN ALMOST GUARANTEE THAT #And if not it will at least make them happy #im talking from experience folks #its so nice to get that email notif #i swear #ao3 #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #fanfic writing #ao3 writer #fan fiction #ao3 fan fic #ao3 fanfiction #ao3fic #ao3 author

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captainbobbin · 9 months

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I have a couple messages in my inbox, both here and on ao3 - I'll be responding to each and every one of them shortly! My apologies for not responding to comments and asks for the last week or two, moving house has had me so busy 😖 but I promise I read every comment and the words jingle around into brain and really fuel me to keep writing!! Ily guys and I'll have more written goodies (or, baddies, for certain fics) on the way very soon....

#text post #🥺 kind words got me feeling a kind of way #i mean. they always do! but its so so nice to get the ao3 email and tumblr red notif haha you guys are too good to me #more fics and art out very soon!

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bamsara · 2 months

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A03 Questions Tag Game

I got tagged by: @kagedbird I tag: @onethirdofimpossible, @coffincrows, (first two that come to mind) and anyone else who wants to do the game

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

At the time of writing this post, currently 30 fics. (Not including any fics or written works that are not posted to AO3)

2 – What's your total AO3 word count?

1,066,633

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

Formerly: Don't Starve, FNAF, Dragons Dogma, Invader Zim

Currently: Cult of the Lamb

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

Solar Lunacy, Celestial Omens, Bytes of Lunacy, The Rehabilitation of Death, Saturday Insomnia

5 – Do you respond to comments?

I try to but I also get very nervous responding because I often don't know what to say back and I feel like it's almost rude or disrespectful to respond to a comment, esp the very nice ones that are long and in-deph with just a keysmash or a bunch of emojis, but I do read every single one since I have email notifications on for them

I'd like to sit down and respond to many but I really don't want to make it awkward so pls dear god readers forgive me

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't like unhappy endings. I enjoy angsty stories but I like when it's at least ending happy to me

7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not posted? Solar Lunacy

Ongoing? TROD

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? Most adults (in my experience) know the 'don't like don't read' rule and know basic online etiquette. I've gotten some for discontinuing a fic or switching fandoms though

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't write or draw NSFW! I like to make some suggestive themes sometimes, but I'm a very ace person, it's not something I do often. (I do have a current running goal that if my friend reaches their donation goal for their medical bills that I would give NSFW a shot, but again its not really my cup of tea)

10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nah I haven't written any cross overs, but I do draw them sometimes. Recently I've been spinning a Alice in Wonderland x COTL crossover in my head.

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep. I've had people copy and paste my work, go in with a thesaurus to change a few words (like changing 'angry' to mad, 'upset' to 'sad', and so forth) to try and avoid detection and re-posted my written work under a different title name. AO3 staff took them down for violating their policy against plagiarism though

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I wouldn't mind it so as long as I'm asked before hand, though not on anon so I can actually work with the person to prevent any mistranslations or mishandling, and that I don't want my work posted to other websites

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

I think I did when I was a teen but I cannot remember now

14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?

Eh I don't have any favorites, just ones I really focus on for a long while

15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Pass.

16 – What are your writing strengths?

I can sit down for hours or several days and work on a writing wip completely in the zone. I cant do it on command but its at least something I can do

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

Spelling and grammar, and sometimes long running sentences. I just kinda write, theres not really a goal for it to be perfect though so as long as the story gist and vibe is right, im fine with it

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it before but only minor, had a friend help me with it (one or two lines of dialogue) Aside from that, I'm not comfortably fluent enough in anything to do it again without assistance

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

Soul Eater, when I was wayyy too young to be posting anything on the internet. My fanfics I wrote are still on fanfic.net to this day

20 – Favorite fic you've written?

It's inbetween TROD and EE&E right now

#sara shush

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beom-pyu · 1 year

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nights ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ huening kai

huening kai x fem!reader , tags; established relationship , tiniest bit of angst , nsfw , emotional hurt/comfort , cute bf!kai , misunderstandings , he's had a long day, okay?!?! , u make it up to him tho!!! , kai luvs u , fluff , this is so soft i can only write soft stuff HELP , kai almost cries :(( , you call kai "angel"

warnings: smut (minors dni!!) , insecure kai , riding , unprotected sex , cumming inside , slight dom reader? u take the lead , marking (hickies) , praise praise praise , tit sucking , cockwarming

a/n: hiiii!! its been so long since i've posted a fic! currently wrapping up this semester :3 but thank you all for 350+ followers!!! i know it may seem small but all of your support really makes me so sososos happy and im so thankful for u all! now here's some cute bf kai for ur enjoyment hehe

wc: 3.2k+

“i am literally on the verge of quitting this damn job,” you groan with your phone pressed against your ear, lying horizontally on the couch in one of kai’s shirts and panties as some random drama plays on the t.v. in the background.

this has been going on for weeks—your lazy boss has been assigning you and your coworkers extra reports so he can go on vacation, leaving your entire division working overtime almost every night. you are both stressed and drained, fed up with your higher-up’s mistreatment.

“i hear you. how did we end up with the worst boss to grace this earth?” your coworker, sakura, whines into the mic in agreement.

the sound of keys at the door seizes your attention, pulling your phone away from your ear for a second to check the time. 9:15 p.m. kai’s schedule must’ve ended earlier today.

“hey, sakura, my boyfriend just got home so i’ll text you.” you give kai a small smile and wave as he enters your apartment, his exhausted eyes brightening at the sight of you. he slips his shoes and jacket off quietly as to not disturb your call while you and your coworkers say your goodbyes.

once you’ve hung up, you motion kai over to your spot on the couch as you try to sit up, giggling once his entire body flops directly on top of you. he buries his head into your clothed stomach, mumbling out a discernable sentence into your belly as his arms come to wrap around you.

“what was that, angel?” you laugh out as he mumbles something again before his head turns to the side, his eyes closing as your fingers tangle into his hair.

“said i missed you. and you smell nice,” he speaks sleepily, nuzzling his cheek against your shirt. you let out a chuckle, gently running your fingers through his hair.

“i missed you too, angel. how was your day?”

kai simply whines in response to your question and you take that as a good enough answer—you understand right away, tapping his cheek so that he can raise his head. he looks up at you, his fluffy hair bouncing a bit, falling into his eyes. your heart flips at the adorable sight.

“rough day, hm?” you ask as you push his hair back and he nods with a little pout, his head flopping back down.

“so busy,” is all he replies with and you automatically understand, your fingers massaging his scalp. “just gonna rest my eyes…”

and you’re sure he’s already falling asleep as he goes dead silent in your hold. you chuckle at your teddy bear of a boyfriend before your phone dings with a notification. you grab the device and you immediately have to suppress an annoyed groan at the email from your boss. you’ve already clocked out and he’s still assigning you more work.

you open your messages to text sakura.

you: he just emailed me another report to finish this week

you: like, can’t he do it himself???

you feel kai nuzzle himself further into you, shuffling around a bit before going still again. your hand is still mindlessly playing with hair before you get another notification.

sakura: and guess who just called me back in.

you: no way. is he being serious rn?

sakura: yup. completely.

sakura: he must’ve lost his mind

sakura: if he even had one to begin with

you: he’s literally so annoying wtf

you: i can’t stand him

you: idk how much longer i can put up with him tbh

“can we watch a movie?” kai suddenly mumbles, his voice muffled against the fabric of your shirt. you smile at his sleepy tone, your fingers stilling in his hair.

“i thought you were tired?” you inquire playfully.

“wanna spend more time with you,” kai speaks nonchalantly—but you’re sure your heart explodes in your chest at the simple words. you love him so much.

“let me go get some snacks and you pick the movie.”

it takes a good 2 minutes to finally get kai to move off of your body—complete with a few whines and grabby hands—but the mission is successful nonetheless. you toss your phone onto the couch before heading into the kitchen, rummaging around in the cabinets for popcorn.

it takes much longer than you intended, already hearing a movie begin to play on the screen as you pour the freshly popped food into a big bowl, grabbing some drinks out of the fridge as well.

kai gives you a stiff smile as you walk back into the room, arms full of snacks. you shoot him a questioning look, but his eyes are already glued back onto the t.v. screen. it is pretty dark, so maybe you didn’t see correctly—but you are sure you saw tears in his eyes too.

“you okay, angel?” you ask as you set the popcorn and drinks out on the coffee table, your eyes flickering over to him in between every movement. he looks over at you quickly before nodding slightly.

“mhm. just sleepy.” he offers you a faint smile before turning back to the movie. you feel a little uneasy at the response, but he did say he had a hard day and you don’t want to push him any further. you take a seat next to him, pulling your legs up to your chest before grabbing your phone to see if sakura has texted you back.

“babe…?” kai starts, slow and unsure. you lift your head from your phone to give him your attention, taking note of the way his hands wring in his lap, his leg bouncing anxiously.

“yea?” you ask, tossing your phone to the side to turn your body toward him. his eyes flicker up to yours nervously before darting away.

“i—nothing. nevermind,” he awkwardly laughs, shaking his head slightly as he tries to focus back on the t.v.

worry fills your body at his actions—if there’s one thing you knew about kai, it would be when he has something on his mind. and you can tell there’s something on the tip of his tongue by the way his leg continues to bounce, his mind clearly off somewhere far away.

you pout a bit, moving to straddle his lap, successfully gaining his attention. his eyes shoot up to yours and it’s only now that you can clearly see the slight glossiness of his orbs, tears pooling in his waterline.

“angel, what’s wrong?” you ask, your hands immediately coming up to hold his face. kai rarely ever cries, especially around you, so your gut churns with concern as he bites his lip and looks away from you, hands clenched at his sides.

“i’m sorry,” kai mumbles out, looking down at his lap. you let out a tiny noise of disagreement, your thumbs grazing his cheeks in an attempt to comfort him—yet he still continues to avoid your eyes.

“why are you apologizing?” you raise a hand to brush some of his dark hair out of his face. kai shakes his head again, his locks falling right back into his eyes.

“i’m sorry for being annoying—i just had a rough day and… i didn’t mean to be clingy and make you uncomfortable. i’m sorry, i won’t do it again. just—just don’t leave me, please.”

all of kai’s words rush out in a single breath, his voice slightly cracking at that last sentence, his body trembling slightly. you struggle to keep up, your brows furrowed in confusion.

“kai, angel, look at me,” you speak and despite his initial apprehension, his head lifts at your words. his eyes are shiny with tears as you cradle his face. “what are you talking about, my love? where is all of this coming from?”

“you… you left your phone unlocked when you got up—i didn’t mean to snoop but i saw your texts…” his voice is quiet and filled with sadness as he explains. your eyes widen as realization dawns on you, letting out a sigh of relief. this time kai’s head tilts in confusion, a pout settled on his lips.

“kai, i was ranting about my boss. you know—how he’s been making me work overtime lately?”

you watch with fondness as his cheeks redden, lips pursed shut. you can’t help but giggle as his hands shoot up to cover his face, covering your hands with his own.

“i’m so stupid,” his muffled voice sounds from behind his large hands. you laugh a bit—just because he’s so cute—moving your hands to pry his own from his face. an embarrassed smile rests on his lips and you are quick to peck them, once, twice, before leaning back.

“you’re not stupid, angel. it was just a little misunderstanding,” you giggle and he whines, his hands covering his face again. “come here, cutie.”

his harmonic laugh fills your ears as you lean in close to gently move his hands out of the way, kissing him again. you feel his body slowly unwind as your lips move against his, your hands replacing his own as you cup his cheek, pressing your body close to him.

when you separate, he’s out of breath, his hands hovering at your sides as you gaze down at him lovingly. you notice how perfectly placed you are in his lap, slightly rolling your hips down onto him—his lips part at the action, his chest rising and falling quickly.

“just relax, angel. let me do the work, okay?”

your hands are still on his cheeks as his eyes glimmer up at you, still wet and glistening. he nods in response, his mouth hanging open slightly as he stares at you in awe. so cute. you smile down at him before pressing your lips against his, your hands sliding into his hair.

kai softens into your touch, his hovering hands finally resting on your hips, holding you steady in his lap. you moan a bit as his teeth eagerly nip at your bottom lip, tongue swiping across shortly after to ease the sting. his hips move up against yours, trying to create any friction possible. he’s already hard, you notice, feeling his thick erection pressing against your core.

you pull away from the kiss to take a good look at his pretty face, his lips slick with your spit, a slight pink resting on his cheekbones. you can’t resist the urge to lean down to kiss up his jaw, pecking that spot under his ear that makes his body rack with shivers. he whines quietly as you suck marks onto his skin, still slightly sticky with sweat from his long day.

“do you wanna fuck me, angel?” you whisper low in his ear—and he quite literally moans at your words, nodding quickly as his hands grip your hips tighter, his hips bucking up into your clothed core.

“yes, yes, please,” he pants, already tugging at your clothes to get them off of your body. you giggle at his enthusiasm, letting him pull your shirt over your head. the movie running in the background does little to nothing to cancel out the heavy breathing as you wrap your arms around kai’s neck, arching your back a bit as he takes one of your sensitive buds into his mouth.

his tongue swirls around your nipple, his hands coming up to grope your boobs, loving how soft and bouncy there are. his hips move against you impatiently, but you know he won’t do anything without your word.

“my good boy,” you sigh out, the flashing lights from the t.v casting a sparkly reflection in his dark eyes. you smile dreamily at him, cupping the side of his face in your hand before you lean down to kiss him again.

his hands roam your body with such determination and your mind grows muddled with every kiss to your chest and brush of his fingertips against your heated skin. you can feel yourself leaking through your panties as you grind against him. you sit back a bit to grab the bottom of his shirt, tugging it up.

“i wanna see you too,” you speak as you help him take it off. you’ll never get used to how gorgeous he is—you know he’s been working out even more recently, and the fruits of his labor are definitely starting to show. his pecs are prominent as you lightly drag your nails over his feverish skin, hearing the strained moan he lets out at the touch. always so sensitive.

you trail your fingers down to his stomach and he lets his head fall back with a sigh. you lean in to press fluttery kisses to his bared neck and a low moan leaves his lips as you bite onto his skin. he smells like the cologne that you had gifted him for his birthday and the scent makes your stomach flip with anticipation.

“all mine,” you mumble and his hips buck up again, his head lulling to the side to give you more access to his neck.

“all yours, all yours,” he echoes out, his hands running up and down the sides of your body. you feel your core pulse when he brings a hand down to rub your clit through your panties, rolling your hips against his fingers.

your actions are feverish as your fingers trail lower to the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling his pants and underwear back in one swift motion. his crying dick slaps against his stomach at the action, already leaking glistening precum that leaves a trail across his lower stomach. his tip is an angry red and you have to resist the urge to get down on your knees and have a taste for yourself.

kai’s hands are obediently still on your hips as he waits for your next move, eyes flickering across your face. you give him a small smile before placing your cupped hand right below his mouth, cocking your head to the side.

“spit.”

and he does—a string of saliva leaving his mouth, dropping into the palm of your hand, dripping off of his lips. the broken moan that leaves his lips is music to your ears as you grab onto his erection with your slicked-up hand, spreading his own spit over the length.

“you listen so well, angel,” you breathe out, watching as he preens at your praise, a tiny smile finding its way onto his face. he looks so gorgeous—with his dark hair roused and in his eyes, cheeks flushed, his beauty marks sitting on his skin like stars in the sky.

you lean in to press a hot, open-mouthed kiss to his lips, his tongue immediately swiping over your bottom lip. he pants into your mouth, whining softly when you squeeze his dick a little too hard, his hips shaking as he tries not to thrust up into your hand.

you have mercy on him though—already feeling yourself leaking onto his pants. you pull your panties to the side, lining yourself up with his dick. his eyes never leave yours, staring at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes as you rub his tip in between your folds; a whimper leaves his lips as you slowly sink down on him, your eyes fluttering at how full you already feel.

his dick is thick and long, filling you up perfectly—as if your cunt was made for him. your legs slightly shake at the feeling, your free hand resting on his shoulder to hold yourself steady as you begin to bounce on his cock, soft moans leaving your lips as his tip hits your cervix every time.

“so good, angel. so big, fuck,” you whine and kai’s fingers tighten on your waist, subtly helping you move up and down on him. your moans mix together beautifully, loving the way he whimpers when your walls clench around him, his hands running up your back and down your thighs, touching every part of you in his reach.

you can’t even chastise him when he begins thrusting up into you, his head thrown back against the couch as he watches you through hooded eyes. your bouncing tits put him in a trance, his hand coming up to brush over your hard nipples. your pussy gushes and soaks his lap, eyes screwed shut from how addicting his cock is, twitching inside of your cunt.

every thrust into your heat makes your stomach flip with pleasure, getting lost in the way his hips snap against yours perfectly. you can tell he’s getting close too by the way his rhythm falters—his moans are high and breathy, his body shaking slightly as you rock your hips back and forth.

“can i—fuck, can i cum, please?” kai stutters out as he lifts his head to rest his forehead against yours.

“fill me up, angel. i’m all yours.”

his heavy pants fan your lips and you capture his again, moaning at the way he hastily licks into your mouth. you can already feel your high crashing upon you with one last stroke, your own whimpers falling deaf to your ears as his moans tip you over the edge. your body buzzes with electricity as your pussy pulsates around him, feeling him pump his thick ropes of cum into you at the action.

you swallow his moans as his hips thrust up into you a few more times before slowing to a stop, his tongue swirling with yours, swiping over your teeth, pulling away to kiss down your neck—as if he can’t get enough of you. you let your body fall forward onto his chest, your breath fanning against his neck.

you’re both quiet as you come down from your highs, the movie on the screen long forgotten. once your arms stop feeling like jelly, you sit up, finding kai’s eyes easily in the darkness of the living room.

he’s completely ruined—lips shiny and red, his neck and ears the same color. soft marks are already blooming on his skin from your ministrations and you find yourself lightly brushing over them, pressing into the bruises with the pads of your fingers. kai’s eyes don’t break away from your gaze as he bites his lip at the slight pain, his dick twitching inside of you. good to know.

“i love you, angel. you did so well,” you smile down at him and you swear his ears go even redder as your fingers stroke his hair. “please don’t ever think for a second that i would leave you, okay?”

kai nods quickly, leaning into your touch like a puppy.

“i love you,” he responds, arms wrapping around your waist to pull you into his chest. you let out a small noise of surprise at the quick movement, but melt into his embrace even quicker. his hold on you is strong as you rest your head against his shoulder.

“can we just stay like this for a bit?” kai mumbles, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear. you giggle a bit, nodding in response. his dick is warm and snug inside of you, trapping his cum inside of you. his body feels like home against yours as he pecks your skin, and you let your eyes flutter shut in the arms of the one you love most.

reblogs are highly cherished!

masterlist

©️BEOM-PYU

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hydrobunny · 1 year

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jump then fall (into me)

tags: fluff, established relationship, insecure reader, comfort, reo reo reo reo reo reo, lots of dialogue actually, they're drinking age, listen to jump then fall !! word count: 1.2k

“do you ever regret us?”

reo mikage jolts from his seat at his computer. the expression he fixes you with as he turns around is almost comical, all wide eyes and horror.

you can’t find it in yourself to laugh.

“what?”

you shift nervously. the satin sheets underneath you bunch awkwardly. “you know. getting together- staying together.”

he rises immediately, emails left for a later time. “what happened.” the words themselves should be a question, but his stiff tone doesn’t make it one.

you sigh, falling back on to the bed. although it’s only been two nights since the two of you checked in to this particular hotel, the bed already smells of reo’s expensive shampoo. “i dont know. sometimes i feel like i’m holding you back.”

his weight sinks into the mattress. “how the hell would you hold me back?”

you drag your hands over your face. “you’re just- you’re so you. heir to billions of yen, future ceo, hotshot football player, and you’re just barely in your twenties. shouldn’t you be out there in the wild getting into scandals every week? but you’re always just... here.”

“y/n.” even through tightly shut eyes, you can feel reo’s intense gaze on you. “is this really because you think i want to be out there making a fool of myself?” his hand gently brushes over your hair. “also, why would i get into scandals when i have you?”

you roll away with a groan. “it's not that. just- shouldn't you have had more relationships than just me? you know, all the first meetings and awkward flirting and shit. you were popular as all hell in high school, but somehow you’re still with me? isn’t it boring?”

his hand freezes, and you feel a small inkling of guilt bleed through your heart.

after a long moment, reo rises from the bed without another word. He grabs his jacket from the chair as he pads out of the room, away from you.

you shove a pillow over your face and fight the urge to scream, sigh in relief, suffocate yourself, anything.

twenty minutes later, when you’ve reached a point of contemplating if those roses in the hotel vase are fake- (they’re in water, but you swear they smell exactly like those essential oils in scented candles)- your phone vibrates from its place on the desk.

you reluctantly lift yourself up, sliding your feet into your waiting fluffy slippers. reo’s computer is still turned on from before he left, some fancy computer program steadily running. you spot a hint of a message thread with nagi before you tear your eyes away.

the notification is from your messages, from none other than reo 🦎💜 himself.

the message itself is pretty short, unlike the usually wordy messages reo sends you consistently throughout the day.

come down to hotel bar. look nice

it takes you some time to actually comprehend the message, more than a few seconds spent blinking at it blankly.

and then you’re immediately digging into your suitcase for anything considered “nice.” honestly, did reo expect you to be able to procure outfits without any hint of the dress code? was he expecting family dinner or clubbing?

and what the hell was even with this request anyway? you were pretty sure your boyfriend had a business meeting in barely forty minutes, and it’s not like you two had ended your conversation on good terms.

either way, you settle on something in between wholesome and provocative, a pretty flattering cocktail dress you hadn’t really even planned on bringing. after a moment of contemplation, you leave your hair down, sliding in a pair of glittering earrings.

honestly, you weren’t even sure why you were trying so hard.

but when you arrive at the bar some minutes later, reo isn’t there. in fact, there’s no one there except for a stiff bartender slowly wiping down a glass. you hesitate from your place by the doorway, shooting off a here. dont see you? message.

he leaves you on read.

it takes you another six minutes of disbelief before you finally walk into the bar, and then it’s a short two minutes of fuming before you call for your first drink.

throughout it all, you see no hint of anyone; no reo, no drunk couples, no rich guests, no one. it would actually be kind of creepy if you had it in yourself to look around or care, but you really don’t.

ten minutes later, it’s when you’re nursing your second drink of the night ( a daiquiri that honestly is not getting you drunk fast enough ) that you hear another human voice.

“haven’t seen you before, pretty. can i pay for that drink?”

your mood immediately plummets as you turn with a scowl, ready to tell whoever it is enough curses to- oh.

reo smirks at you, flashing his card towards the bartender. you stare at him in disbelief. he’s in a completely new outfit from when you saw him last, something that is definitely not appropriate for his upcoming meeting. he has a leather jacket on, for gods’ sake!

“what the fuck are you doing?” you manage to say, realizing that you’re supposed to be mad at him. “do you realize how long i’ve been waiting?”

he pointedly doesn’t respond. “another round please, for me and the lonely lady!” he says before turning back to you. “so. what brings a girl like you here?”

you literally have no idea what he’s doing. you open your mouth to respond - with what, you couldn’t say- but then reo winks at you, quick enough that you barely notice.

the words fall out of your mouth without you even realizing. “what’s it to you?”

he hums, looking you up and down. “is it wrong to want to comfort a clearly sad stranger? come on, spill out all your secrets.”

you fight the urge to smile. “well, if you say it like that…i guess i’m trying to heal my broken heart.”

he responds a beat too late. “really? what idiot broke your heart?”

“no, i was the idiot,” you sigh, looking back towards your glass. “i was a bitch for no reason. got too caught up in my head, you know?”

his hands fly to yours. “i do know. and i’m sure your idiot knows as well. in fact, if i was the guy in question, i would have told you that nothing you can do would hurt me. that any time spent with you is infinitely better than time spent with any other women.”

you meet his eyes and smile. “and if you happened to be that guy, i would probably kiss you right then and there.”

reo swallows, hard. “yeah?”

you lean toward him. “too bad you’re not him.” you stand from your seat, grinning at how your boyfriend sputters instantly, almost knocking over his cup.

your shoes click clack a rhythmic beat onto the hotel floor as you head back toward the elevator.

seconds later, reo’s familiar form bumps into you, arm linking around your waist.

“i think that was first date was awkward enough, yeah?” he says breathlessly.

you lean further into him. “it was perfect. but i think i prefer my boyfriend.”

“good thing you’re looking at him. which means..”

you laugh, stopping. “which means this.”

you tiptoe upward and finally kiss reo. he tastes like watermelon chapstick and expensive rum.

// bonus//

“hey, reo?”

“yes?”

“did you rent out that entire bar so we would be alone?”

his silence is response enough.

I loveee reblogs and comments !! <33

#reo x reader #reo mikage x reader #mikage reo x reader #blue lock #blue lock fluff #blue lock x reader #hydrobunny #ngl this was supposed to be sae again LOL

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mellifiedprincess · 4 months

Note

hi!! could you do a fluffy fic with matt where the reader is just having a rough week mentally and is overwhelmed and stops by matt’s unannounced and they cuddle and he offers to talk through things with her

hope you like it angel <3

You could see the lights on in the living room through the balcony window. Staring up at it, still sitting in your car. You’ve been staring at it for a good 10 minutes now, not really sure if you should get out or not.

You knew the boys wouldn’t care one bit that you showed up without sending a text. You knew there wouldn’t be anything but concern in the eyes of your boyfriend and his two brothers.

Yet, you still couldn’t bring yourself to get out of your car and knock on their door.

Another 5 minutes pass and you finally bring yourself to make the trek to the front door. The wood feels cool against the heat of your knuckles as you knock. You’re not really sure if anyone could even hear the soft taps from inside.

Chris does though. As he opens the door, you see a look of surprise on his face for a few seconds before he kindly smiles at you. He was always happy to see one of his best and closest friends. But then he sees the defeated look on your face. “Matt’s in his room. I’m here too if you need me to be.” The kind words of Chris almost breaks the dam that you’ve been trying so hard to keep patched up.

“Thanks Chrissy.” You simply say before giving him a hug and making your way up the stairs, needing the comforting embrace of Matt more than anything right now.

When you finally make it to Matt’s door, you can hear the soft clicks of his keyboard.

Closing your eyes to gather yourself, you open his door and see the soft curls of the boy you’ve been longing for, sat at his desk. His headphones sit on his ears as he continues to type away, probably answering emails for brand deals and whatnot. His eyes meet yours as he takes notice to his door being open, and once again you see a look of surprise.

He quickly removes the headphones, and checks his phone to see if he missed any calls or texts from you. When he sees no new notifications he places it back down.

“What’s wrong baby?” His voice is soft and calm, because he could already tell, just by the way you walked in, you were slowly breaking down. “Come here.” He reaches his hand out for yours and pulls you down into his lap as soon as you grab onto it.

You’re silent, not sure where to start, so you blankly stare into his eyes. Eyes that stare back at you with a look of worry and concern.

“I-um.” You clear your throat, trying to vacate the emotions bubbling in your chest. Tears threatening to spill over your waterline as you look at your boyfriend’s sweet face.

“Hey, take your time angel. I’m not going anywhere.” Matt’s thumb moves to swipe along your cheek, his worry only growing more at the stress his girlfriend is clearly under.

He knew she was overwhelmed by everything going on in her life right now. Her new job, in the middle of her last year of college, being away from her friends and family. “You wanna just sit here while I finish these few emails? Then we can lay in bed and talk.”

“That sounds nice.” You answer in a small voice, smiling gratefully at the sweetheart that is your boyfriend.

After the last email is answered, Matt stands with you still in his arms and carries to you his bed.

“I’ll be right back.” He quickly kisses your lips, and turns to exit his bedroom, leaving you to your racing thoughts.

And it felt like hours. It was only 10 minutes.

When he finally makes his return, he’s carrying a cup of something steaming and a bowl of ice cream, that looks like it could rival mount everest.

“One cup of hot chocolate for my sweetheart.” He states as he hands you a baby pink mug adorned with tiny white daisies. “Sorry it took so long. I had to fight Nick for the ice cream.”

“I can see who won. Did you even leave any for him?” You softly laugh and see a smile creep its way onto Matt’s face. An unexplainable amount of happiness fluttering in his chest at the sound of your giggles.

“Moving on.” He quickly places his bowl of ice cream down, before climbing into bed beside you. Wasting no time on wrapping an arm around you and pulling you to rest flush against his side. “Wanna watch Tangled?”

“Yes please!” You reply and take a sip of the hot chocolate, all of your worries starting to melt away.

Matt looks down as you let out a long sigh, not sure if you were okay or not. It was a sigh of contentment though, because it didn’t matter how horribly your day could have gone, Matt knew exactly what you needed. Always.

“Hey. I love you sweetheart.” He whispers quietly and places a kiss to your hairline, as he watches your eyes slightly squeeze shut.

“I love you too.”

Your body melts into his side as the sounds of Tangled begin to play, and soon your mind just shuts off completely. All thanks to the wonderful human that you get to call yours.

#matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic

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byelacey · 1 year

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some notes about new blaze courtesy of the nice people who keep setting my dog on fire

as someone who has blazed many of my own posts (i try to do 2 a month for self promo) and has now gotten some posts blazed by others, i can say pretty confidently it isn’t much different than a regular blaze! you get notified when a blaze is gonna happen & you can cancel it at any point. but if you’re new to blaze, here are some notes i hope are helpful! 🔥 you’ll get an email notification when somebody blazes your post & when the campaign finishes. mine go straight to a “social” tab on gmail & i don’t get push notifications for these so if your settings are like mine, keep an eye out! the email will let you know which post was blazed and how to cancel it if you’d rather not have it blazed.

🔥 if you’ve never used blaze before here’s a tip: you can check the progress of a blazed post and extinguish (end) the campaign before its scheduled end date (blazes in my experience run for 24hrs after approval). just click the fire emote in the lower left corner of the blazed post to bring up a window like so:

🔥 posts blazed by someone else credit the blaze-r! i just think this is neat :)

#tumblr #tumblr blaze #blaze #info

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taradactyls · 14 days

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Trying to Tread Water: Chapter Thirty

The Elizabeth/Darcy Marriage of Convenience fic no one asked for

Chapter Thirty: Elizabeth's first ball in town - and the first official dance she is attending as Mrs Darcy - has arrived. As have the Darcy family's collection of jewellery, which Mr Darcy sent for. Of course, despite that their marriage was made to secure her safety, his love for Elizabeth means he wants none but her to wear them. They stay close to each other during the ball, and he cannot keep his eyes off her. Especially when they dance.

Read on Ao3 here

First reviews of Chapter Thirty: "Honestly when I get the email this story has updated I get very excited and it’s a proper treat! I made a coffee and sat down to read it as soon as possible." "Loved this update! Oh man the vibes during that dance were just perfect." "I'm literally so unreasonably happy that they had a nice night out😭😭 grinning in public like a lunatic rn..." "I really loved the ball in its entirety, honestly. The descriptions of the room and atmosphere, and especially the last dance, all speaks to your writing prowess. 12/10, would recommend." "This story is my absolute favorite notification and I seriously enjoy reading it so much! The characters, the world building, just so incredibly well done!"

Story updates on Ao3 fortnightly, with Chapter Thirty-One coming out on the 17th May.

Story tags: Elizabeth/Darcy, Marriage of Convenience, Unrequited Love, Not Really Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Pining, Pining Despite Being Married, Mr Darcy thinks his worst enemy is Wickham but maybe it's himself.

#'oh but Tara' you might say #'why are you only posting this on tumblr the day before the next chapter comes out'#IT IS BECAUSE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEN #I'VE BEEN ABLE TO CONVINCE THE TODDLERS TO HAVE THEIR NAP AND I HAVEN'T HAD OTHER DUTIES TO DO #i queue most things on my blog but not this because i like to put in some comments #which i always feel so thankful for and also i'm someone who is swayed to read things because friends tell me good things about it #and taking a few quotes from the comments is the closest i can get to that #and so here we are #posting to tumblr late #at the whims of two two-year olds and my share of the housework #and the former have not been generous to my writing this week #ten days without being able to write a word #BUT HERE I AM #RISING FROM THE ASHES OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION #SO YOU STILL GET YOUR FORTNIGHTLY LIZZY AND DARCY PINING #THE TUMBLR POST MAY BE LATE BUT NEVER THE AO3 UPDATE #pride and prejudice #jane austen #elizabeth bennet #fitzwilliam darcy #elizabeth x darcy #darcy x elizabeth #mr darcy #writing #ao3 writer #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic writing #archive of our own #ao3

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readyforthegarden · 1 year

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Eternal - Part Five

A vampire!gvf multi-part dark romance AU (Josh Kiszka x reader, GVF x reader)

Warnings: 18+ Only Minors DNI. Mentions of blood, death, vampirism. Smut: fingering (f! receiving) sex, blood drinking, biting,

WC: 3601

A/N: Just want to say thank you guys so much for your patience between updates! I really apprecaite it and I'm so thankful for everyone who's asked to be on the taglist and have sent me sweet messages about the fic, it truly means the world to me that you guys are enjoying the story!!

Seven days. It’d been a full calendar week since you’d heard from Josh. At first you were sad. Near devastated, to put it bluntly. Then you decided that anger and pettiness was your ideal route. You were just the flavor of the week to him, literally. He got his fill and then took you to a nice dinner and ghosted you. Part of you wanted to start going to the club again, partly to drink and dance your feelings away, but deep down, it was mostly to find a stranger to hold your body and make Josh jealous if he was there.

Instead, you stayed in with Jameson, deciding that the idea of seeing the vampire with his arms wrapped around somebody else was too nauseating to bear. Your dreams were still strange, the swirling screaming black shadows seemed to have backed away, but were still circling, still watching.

Still, when your phone pinged from its spot on the couch on the seventh day, giving the cat who was laying on the device a startle, there was a small flutter in your stomach, only to be crushed as you fished your phone from under Jameson’s belly and seeing it was just a spam email notification. You tossed your forkful of pasta down into the bowl, letting the metal clatter and clang against the ceramic bowl, feeling pathetic that yet again, you were wallowing over some guy. You’d decided you’d had enough, getting up and stomping to your bedroom, darting to your closet and towards the back where you kept your more risqué clothing.

You slipped out of the oversized t-shirt you wore as pajamas, shimmying into the tight black mini skirt and pulling your lacy bustier top out of the closet too. You made sure to do a sultry, smokey look for your makeup, and spritzed your most femme fatale perfume on your neck, wrists and ankles. Once you fastened your strappy heels, you stood up, going to your vanity mirror and fluffing your hair. In your peripheral, you caught movement in the corner of your bedroom. An icy bolt of fear shot through your body as you tried to act normal, grabbing your bag off the vanity table and beginning to move quickly to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” you stopped, the ice in your veins turning to bubbling hot anger as Josh’s voice called out to you. “I asked you a question, love.” you spun on your heel, walking towards the man who emerged from the shadows.

“Don’t you fucking call me ‘love’, asshole.” you pointed a finger at him, jabbing him in the chest. “You don’t speak to me for a fucking week and break into my apartment the one night I decide to go out and get over you? How dare you?”

“As I’ve told you, you’re mine.” Josh grabbed the wrist of the hand that was poking his chest. “There is no getting over me, love.” his emphasis on your pet name made your blood boil even more, and tried to pry your arm away from him, but he only tugged you in further. Your chest was pressed against his, his other arm winding around your back, pressing you against him. “I was away on business. But if you were craving my attentions, I do believe even these modern cell phones work both ways, do they not?”

“Forgive me, but I thought you were more ‘old-fashioned’, and would give a girl a call after a few days.”

“After the way you left me high and dry in the back of the car?”

“Oh were you thirsty?” you gave him a fake pout. “Couldn’t find another blood bag for seven days?” Josh bemusedly rolled his eyes.

“If you’re jealous, then let me put your nerves to rest.” he murmured, looking into your eyes. “I have not seen, nor fed from another since you.” you stopped trying to pull away from him, gritting your teeth as he stared you down, an honest, unbothered look on his face. You hated the small feeling of joy in your heart at the admission, knowing he felt it in your pulse they way his thumb rubbed against your wrist. Your stubbornness reared at the small smirk on his face and you tried tugging away again.

“Well that’s lovely, but if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go out and have a good night.” you pushed yourself away from him, and turned, briskly walking out of the room. Josh followed, hot on your heels.

“Which spot are we going to, then?” you rolled your eyes as you tucked your phone and ID into your wristlet, making sure your debit card was in there as well. You ignored him, staring at your jacket on the hook by the door, wondering if you should bother with one. The weather was getting warm, but it was still mid-Spring, the nights were still near freezing. “I know you prefer Club Soleil, but it’s getting a bit stale, even if I do own it.”

“You own-? You know what, no I’m not letting you distract me. And I’m not telling you where I’m going, because you’re not coming with me.”

“My love, do you forget what I am?” Josh just folded his arms over his chest, giving you a smarmy smirk as he leaned against the door to the apartment, blocking your exit. “I can track you. I’ll find you wherever you go.”

“So you’re just going to stalk me?” you squinted at him as he shrugged nonchalantly. “Move.” Instead of moving out of your way, he unfolded his arms, straightening up and wrapping them around your waist, tugging you flush against his body. He looked down his nose at you, and the look in his eyes made you feel weak in the knees.

“We could stay in,” Josh murmured, splaying his hands across your back and pressing you impossibly closer. “I could show you all the ways you’ve missed me in the past week.” you scoffed, though an image of your and Josh’s bodies wrapped around one another in your sheets made your will weaken.

“What makes you think I missed you?” you tried to keep your voice even, knowing he could see right through you as his smirk grew.

“An interesting thing happens when a vampire feeds on someone.” he brought his index finger under your chin, using the pad of it to lift your eyes back up to his. “I may not be able to read your mind, but if a feeling is strong enough, I can sense it, feel a part of it myself. And my sweet girl, I felt everything you did to yourself.” your cheeks were burning as you recalled pleasuring yourself, whimpering and calling out Josh’s name as you peaked.

“Well if you’d called, you probably would’ve gotten to feel more than just a fraction.” you bit back, your annoyance still bubbling within you.

“You make me repeat myself once again, but phones work both ways,” he replied frankly. “Had you called me, I would’ve been here in an instant, taking care of your needs.” he leaned forward, cupping the right side of your face and pressing a kiss just below your ear on the left, making your eyes flutter close. He trailed a line of soft, wet kisses down your neck to your shoulder, letting his hand come up, fingers creeping under the strap of your bustier top and running underneath it teasingly. “Let me guess your fantasy, hmm? You come home from a long day of work, and I’m there. I’ve prepared a lovely dinner for you and have your favorite white wine ready. But before we eat, you want to take a hot, steamy shower, scrub the day away.”

“Let me guess, you follow me into the shower?” you half-heartedly taunt, swallowing the moan that kept rising up in your throat as he sucked a dark mark onto your collarbone.

“Oh no, you get to have time to unwind.” Josh promises. “But I find you in the bedroom after, before you get dressed, and I come up behind you,” he swiftly turns you around, pressing your back to his chest now. “Your flesh gets goosebumps when I touch you, running my fingers down your arms. I’d hold you to me, an arm wrapped around you for support as my other hand caresses your breasts.”

Josh was acting out his tale as he spoke, his hand running along your cleavage as he held you to him. You felt his hand begin to travel down your front, and over the front of your skirt. He rounded your thigh, and you felt your legs part to let him in. You felt him smile against your ear as he leaned down and continued whispering.

“You can’t wait for me to take you as my hand moves slowly towards your pussy, you’re already aching for me to touch you. I’d slide my finger along your wetness, in one slow, firm stroke, feeling you shake beneath me.” you sighed as Josh’s finger ran a firm line up your clothed pussy, the fabric of your panties already soaked. “You want me to touch you more, so badly, don’t you?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, reaching behind your and grabbing his shoulder, bucking your hips into his hand.

“My poor, pathetic sweet girl,” Josh cooed with a dark chuckle. “Do you need me to touch you?”

“Yes, please,” you were embarrassed you were already panting, the anticipation of his touch mixed with his words riling you up. He turned you around, capturing your lips in a searing kiss, his plush lips pressing against yours as his hands grabbed at the back of your thighs. You hopped up, wrapping your legs around his waist and letting him walk you back into your bedroom as your tongues tasted each others mouths once again.

He lowered you onto your bed, never breaking the kiss. Once his hands were free, he hastily ran them up your thighs and under your skirt, pulling down your panties and discarding them. You felt his finger on the seam of your pussy, running between your lips and collecting the wetness there. You whined, bucking your hips again and begging him with your urgent kiss for more of his touch.

“Josh, I need it,” you sighed, a hint of defeat in your voice as your resolve completely crumbled just as he began circling your clit with his slick finger. “Oh, shit.”

“I know, love, I know,” he mocked you gently. “You need it so badly. Need me so badly.” you were nodded as he applied more pressure to his circles, the tight, hot coil in your belly becoming hotter and more dense, the pleasure building up as he continued his movements. “But I need something from you too.” you looked up at him as he stared at your neck, feeling your blood pounding in your veins, knowing he could see its pulse.

“Just try not to get any on my sheets.” was all you said, and Josh was already at your neck, biting down where your neck and shoulder met. You moaned as the weight of his body on top of yours pressed his clothed, hard cock against your exposed pussy. You ground against his crotch, feeling him grind back as he drank from you. “Fuck me,” you groaned, the sensation of him drawing your blood still new and different and somehow pleasurable. You felt Josh pull away, smirking. He looked down at you, your blood tinging his lips dark ruby red.

“With pleasure,” in a flash his belt and pants were undone, pushed down and he was stroking himself as he gazed at you again. You realized he was waiting for you to fully say yes, and you nodded, reaching out and pulling his hand off his cock, instead wrapping your own around it and pumping it teasingly before you gently led him down, placing the head against your cunt. He thrust his hips, rubbing through your slick folds before pressing into you with a hiss. You sighed contentedly, feeling him stretch your walls deliciously.

Josh barely gave you a moment to adjust to his size, beginning to pound into you at a rough pace, grabbing your hips and arching your body off the bed himself. Your breathing was inconsistent, you alternated between cries of pleasure and gasps of breath. You could feel small streams of cooling blood trickling down your shoulder and dripping onto your bed. Sheets be damned, at this point. All you cared about was the incredible pleasure coursing through your veins.

“Fuck, I knew you were mine.” Josh ground out between grit teeth. He let go of your body, letting it flop back down onto the mattress, and bent down, grinding himself against you, making your bodies writhe together as he kissed you. “So perfect,” you whimpered underneath him as the coarse, trimmed hair at his pelvis scratched against your clit as his hips slid against yours. The push and pull of his dick feeling unbelievably amazing, you felt as if your entire body was vibrating. Your hands grabbed at his body, not being able to stay in one spot before you needed to feel another part of him. “Are you gonna cum for me? Cum all over my cock, love.” Your mouth fell open, brows furrowing together as your orgasm overtook you. His name fell from your lips in the form of a prayer as he worked your through it, his thrusts rougher, sharper than before as he sought his own climax. You felt his release, the feeling of him filling you making you hum against his lips as he kissed you one more time.

When he pulled away he pressed his lips to the bite mark, his tongue lapping at the punctures to clean and heal the wounds. Josh untangled himself from your limbs. You would’ve helped, but everything in your body felt boneless, you felt like you were made of jelly. He smirked at your limp body, pulling up his boxer briefs and pants before kneeling back on the bed. He reached forward, tugging down the front zipper of your bustier top and letting it fall open.

You half expected him to begin touching you again, but he merely pulled your arms through the straps and pulled it out from under you, tossing it to the floor and grabbing the oversized t-shirt you had been in before changing. He lifted your body up, pulling it over your head and down your body before shimmying your tight skirt down your legs. He sat at the end of the bed, deftly undoing the clasps of your shoes and tossing them away as well.

Josh left the room, and you felt a pang of despair. You cursed yourself for letting him back in, he was just going to leave again. Going through your self-deprecating thoughts, you missed the bathroom sink running, until he came in with a warm washcloth, wiping at your neck softly before folding the towel and cleaning up between your legs. He went back into the bathroom to put the towel away, and came back, shuffling you in the bed and getting you comfy before pressing a kiss to your forehead. When he straighten up, your arm shot out from under the covers, hand clasping his wrist. Josh looked at you, slightly shocked at your speed in your fucked out state.

“Stay?” you asked, not caring how pathetic you felt or sounded at this point. “At least for a little?” Josh pursed his lips, glancing at the clock and out the window before nodding. He kicked off his shoes, and climbed onto the bed next to you, fully clothed, and rested back against the headboard. You didn’t have the energy to say thank you, instead you curled your body up next to his, allowing yourself to fall asleep.

There’s nothing but darkness. You can hear the leaves of the mighty tree shaking in the wind, but cannot see them. Fear is the only feeling you recognize as the wind whips around you, feeling like it’s tugging on your hair, your clothes; pushing and pulling you in any direction it can. The piercing screams and screeching are so loud you think they’re in your head only, and you clap your hands over your ears, trying to lessen the blow. Tears ran down your face, helpless and cold. You crumpled to the ground, on your knees, sobs racking your body as you felt like you would never escape this dark hell.

“Awaken,”

You looked around fruitlessly in the dark, trying to spot where the voice came from. It was smooth as honey, even in tone and low, though it was undoubtedly a female’s voice calling over the screaming wind.

“Awaken, child.”

“Who are you?!” you cried over the wind. “What do you want?!”

“Awaken!”

Your eyes snapped open, staring at the wall in front of your bed. Your breathing was heavy and you realized you were already sitting up. Looking next to you, Josh was staring at you, a deep concern creasing his forehead, eyes worriedly darting around you. You heard a clatter in the room, and turned your head towards it, expecting to see Jameson having knocked something over. Instead, in the far corner, there was a dark shadow, lingering and swirling around like in your dream. You froze, and you slowly reached over, touching Josh’s leg with your hand in an attempt to ground yourself.

“Do you see that?” you whispered, swallowing thickly.

“I do.” Josh’s voice sounded uncertain. “Stay still, love.” Josh gently removed your hand from his leg before getting up, and going towards the shadow. You almost jolted forward to grab him, to stop him from getting any closer, but willed yourself to stay still. He began speaking low, lower than you’d heard his voice before, in a language you couldn’t place. The shadow swirled angrier, like in your dreams, and you could hear a faint high pitched wailing coming from it as Josh’s voice became louder, holding up a hand towards the shadow. Josh was near shouting, and finally the swirling mass shot through the room, out the closed window and into the night, leaving a gust of wind that blew things around your room and smelled like ash.

“What was that, Josh?” you asked, finally finding your voice again. Josh ignored you, going to your closet and drawing the doors open, rummaging as you watched him, until he found what he was looking for. He dragged your suitcase out of the closet and tossed it on the empty space on the bed, grabbing an armful of clothes from the closet and tossing them in.

“You can’t stay here anymore.” he shook his head. “I can’t let you stay here.”

“Let me? This is my apartment.” you scoffed. “What was that thing Josh? And why do I keep dreaming of it?” Josh paused, glancing at the crystal around your neck then to your eyes.

“I had hoped the selenite would work, but obviously crystals are just rocks.” Josh huffed, going to your dresser and opening a few drawer, taking handfuls of panties and sock, and tossing them in the suitcase, then grabbing a few pairs of pants. “That’s the last time I listen to Samuel about that shit.”

“Josh!” you grabbed his hands, forcing him to stop and look at you. “Will you tell me what’s happening? Please?”

“I’ll explain in the car, I promise. But we can’t risk it coming back and bringing friends, okay? We have to go. We’ll come back for the rest of your stuff later, but let’s go.” He zipped up your suitcase and tossed you a pair of jeans he’d grabbed from the drawer that didn’t fit, and you began putting them on.

“What about my cat?” Josh stopped, looking at you as if you had a third head. “Josh, I’m not leaving my cat behind if that thing is dangerous and may come back.”

“Fucking humans and their pets.” Josh rolled his eyes. “Go get the mongrel, but if it ruins the upholstery in my car, I’m throwing it out the window.” you rolled your eyes, going into the closet yourself and grabbing your cat carrier, going out to the living room and looking for Jameson. You finally found him under the couch, and pried him from the hiding spot, placing him in the carrier with a few treats and zipping it shut, grabbing a few cans of food from the cupboard for him and tossing them in a bag.

“Okay, you have your cat, let’s go.” Josh ushered you out of the apartment once you’d gotten your purse and wallet together. You secured Jameson’s carrier in the back seat of the Escalade, and were surprised that Danny wasn’t in the drivers seat waiting for Josh the whole time. But it was Josh who climbed into the drivers seat, clutching the wheel and shaking his head as you buckled in. The late night was giving way to early mornings indigo hues, and Josh peeled away from the curb once you were secured. It was deathly silent in the car until he got on the highway, heading towards his estate. He tapped on the screen in the Escalade, bringing up a contact list and pressing on a number.

“Hullo?” a groggy voice answered, “I was just about to fall asleep, Josh.”

“Stay up, Jacob, wake up Samuel and find Daniel.”

“For what?” Josh’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as he swallowed thickly.

“Edric is back."

Taglist:

@joshsindigostreak @lvnterninthenight @allieisacrybaby @xserenax-13 @sarakay-gvf @shutupdevvie @myownparadise96 @watchingovergvf2 @gretavanfleetposts @sacredthefran @josiee-gvf @highdefkiszka @ascendingtostardust @joshkiszkatoothgap @andeejoness @gardensgatedaisy @kkdarling @demonrat444 @teddiie @writingcold @dannyandthekiszkas @gretavanbestie @lightmylove-gvf @tearsofbri @paleshadow-ofadragon @gretavanslut @like-a-woman-in-a-dream @starshine-wagner @objectsinspvce @josh-iamyour-mama @mountain-in-springtime @cal-a-bungaa @capturethechaos @earthlysorrows @earthlysorrows-backup @sunfl0wer-power @jankandjonch @gvfpal @allybjt @hippievanfleet @weightofbrokenbells @joshkiszkasbadussy @malany-gvf @ruby0antlers @samofthedawn @sacredjake

#josh kiszka x reader #greta van fleet fan fiction #jake kiszka x reader #sam kiszka x reader #danny wagner x reader #greta van fleet x reader #greta van fleet fic #josh kiskza #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #greta van fleet #eternal fic #gvf fanfiction #gvf smut

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elvenbeard · 9 months

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I was at Phantom Liberty Tour Cologne and this is how it went!

Img: A screen showing Johnny Silverhand with tickets to the Phantom Liberty Tour Cologne and the title "Phantom Liberty Tour - 25. August 2023 Köln"

The following is 100% an expression of my personal views! I experienced the Phantom Liberty Tour event in Cologne as overall extremely positive, I had been very hyped about it in the weeks and days before, and CDPR did not disappoint me in any way shape or form with what they put together! For transparency, I didn’t have to pay for anything beyond my own travel costs and accommodation, everything else was included solely in my application for the event being accepted.

This post is intended as a way to give a glimpse into the experience to everyone who couldn’t go or whose application wasn’t accepted -and I just wanted to share my thoughts xD It was a very small and exclusive event with very limited tickets, and I still feel super priviliged to have been able to go there. I’m aiming to share my experience with everyone reading this now and give you at least a little peek behind the scenes of it all!

We didn’t have to sign any NDAs or such, we only weren’t allowed to take pics/videos or make audio recordings of the showcased gameplay!

If you’re also going to one of the upcoming events in your respective countries, maybe wait reading this until you’ve been there to not ruin any potential surprises! And also, if you don’t wanna be spoilered about anything Phantom Liberty as such, meaning, the actual game and story, but still wanna know about what the event was like: I will put a warning onto sections that contain spoilers for the gameplay, so you can skip those!

How me and my sibling even got invited in the first place

I only learned about this event more or less on accident when my sibling sent me a screenshot of an Instagram post about it XD So, big props to them for giving us both this chance! XD That was back in May, the post said “tell us why we should invite you to the PL tour in Cologne” in its sign-up form. I did, and then waited patiently to maybe hear back from them. Originally, after sending my submission, I received a reply saying that “if you’re invited, we (CDPR organizer team) will get back to you until August 4th “. In my submission I wrote something along the lines of that I’m relatively new to the game and fandom, but it quickly evolved into my new favourite video game and unlocked so much creativity for me, so that I’m making my own mods for it now, create art, and write. My sibling was a fan of the first hour, preordered the Collector’s Edition for PS4 back then, and now we can both simultaneously get hyped for Phantom Liberty. It would be an amazing opportunity if we could also attend this event together!

When I hadn’t heard back by then I accepted that I hadn’t been selected, was a bit sad, but it was alright. But then, a few days later while I was at work, I got an email with the headline “Hey Choomba” and I was like wtf? So, turns out, due to the insane amount of submissions they pushed back the notification day about a week. Around 1,500 people sent applications that the organizers all looked at individually, and only around 250 guests plus team members and special guests were actually present that night. I didn’t know about the delay in response, because I’m not active on social media beyond Tumblr… lemme tell you though, that was such a nice surprise, and I was super happy and would’ve been none the wiser had I not been picked xD

Due to the shorter timeframe though it was now a little harder to find a hotel still, as the PL Tour took place during Gamescom week. So, half of Gaming Europe was already in Cologne for that convention and hotels were scarce. On the one hand, it obviously made sense they put the date this weekend, so the devs already in Cologne anyway could swing by with ease. On the other hand, if you were, like me, definitely not from Cologne or the general area, a little more prep time ahead would’ve been nice.

Still though, my sibling and I still found a somewhat reasonable hotel and drove to Cologne in the early morning hours of August 25th!

Img: The door to the venue with a bright red "Phantom Liberty Tour" banner above the entrance

(cont. below the cut, long post with many pics, beware!)

The Venue, the Queue, the Delay, the Tickets

The sole information we had in advance was an address, to bring our ID cards as they’d make sure we are on the guest list and are 18+ years old. The event would start at 6pm and last until 12am. It said that "cosplays are very much appreciated" so I went in casual cosplay as Vince, because why the hell not XD But that was it in terms of what we knew about what was going to happen.

At around 5.20 p.m. we were at the location given to us via E-Mail. Parking was eh, but alright, we found a space close by, and as we drove past the venue, they were just in process of setting up their flag and banner. So yay, we’re in the right place! :D

Img: The black CDPR flag above the entrance :3

I was so fucking hyped, I couldn’t last in the car a second longer, so we just joined the queue and waited despite the occasional rain shower. We got talking a little bit with the people around us, there were some fellow modders, everyone was wearing some kind of merch, there were lots of fantastic cosplayers, too! Miles Tost, CDPR level design, was there and briefly talked to us all waiting patiently. Then we were informed that sadly there would be a little bit of a delay. I think at around 6.30 or so the queue finally started moving and at around 7 my sibling and I were inside the venue :D The reason of the delay is and was unclear, we learned later though that the guy responsible for the organization had set up something like this for the first time iirc, and therefore I’ll happily forgive the slight delay. Overall, the night was fantastic and I sure as hell couldn’t have done it better!

After checking our IDs, the lovely people by the entrance handed us our numbered tickets! One of the staff then asked us if we’d already played Phantom Liberty at Gamescom, which we hadn’t, so we also received one of those yellow plastic throwaway bracelets. Those who had already played it got a red one. The reasoning here was that they only had a small play area upstairs, so not everyone would be getting a chance to play the demo of the game, and people who hadn’t seen it yet would be preferred, to keep things fair. During the night some people with yellow bracelets would then be randomly approached by a member of the team and invited upstairs with a “mystery ticket”. I sadly didn’t get to play the game myself, neither my sibling, but we still got to see the gameplay anyway :3 We’ll get to that in a minute.

Img: Mine and my sibling's tickets, front and backside respectively; the bottom text on the backside says "be careful not to damage this section as you may still need it over the course of the night!", both tickets feature prominent circuit board and barcode designs

CDPR also invited us to free drinks with little tokens, and there was a broad selection of non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages at a small bar! I would’ve loved for there to be something like a Johnny Silverhand or Jackie Welles to order, but I guess it wasn’t the Afterlife after all. Still though, free drinks, even if generic, pretty cool :D

Activities within the Venue

While we were queuing outside still, we’d also heard about various activities that had been offered at the Warsaw station of the tour, and those were different from what we could do in Cologne!

After receiving our tickets and everything we were free to explore the location for a bit, as the actual show wouldn’t start until 8pm (originally 7 pm but well… delays :D).

There was the main floor with a big, convention center style setup with rows of chairs and some bar tables. There was the huge screen, the bar, and a really cool netrunner chair for taking pictures that the cosplayers rightfully loved :D On the left side were also a small Xbox play area where you could test out some Xbox game pass games XD The event had tons of sponsors contributing something cool.

Img: The main area of the venue right before the show begins, an industrial-style interior with bright red and white lights, and many people looking at a big screen at the wall featuring Johnny and a welcome text in German and English respectively

Next door was a little secluded area for a podcast to be recorded later during the night, as well as a booth where visitors could record video messages for the devs (I missed my chance here and that’s what I regret most about not doing during that night ;A; but I think/hope a lot of others present seized the opportunity to send some love to Poland for this amazing game and team <3).

Img: A small square room with four high-end gaming PC stations sponsored by NVIDIA; the screens are currently showing the main menu screen of Cyberpunk 2077 - can I just take one of these home with me please?

Then there was the upstairs area with the gaming corner, as well as another little recording studio set up by an independent German filmmaker team who were documenting the development of Phantom Liberty! We could’ve also contributed to that, if we had wished to, but I preferred to stay behind the camera this time around xD Looking forward to watching the documentary though once it’s out!

Img: a Netrunner chair replica surrounded by screens and gadgets

There was also an outdoors courtyard area serving as a chillout zone with food (vegetarian options available) and a really cool live medieval folk band playing songs from the Witcher OST :D The various walls on the inside were decorated with photos showcasing German cosplayers and works of fan artists, and those of them who were there that night were allowed to take their photos home as a little extra special keepsake!

Community Love

The community love was so, so real and despite being comparatively new to the game and fandom still I felt super at home and comfortable and welcome. Kind of like, “I’m in the right place”, if that makes sense XD

Speaking of community… while we were still outside in the queue my sibling pointed out to me that there was a Kerry cosplayer in the line behind us, and lemme tell you, I was fucking hyped and made it my mission to greet them over the course of the evening xD I’ve been to a few smaller, less gaming-focused cons this year and there were few Cyberpunk cosplayers, no Kerry so far, so this was my chance!

Turns out, the Kerry in question was none other than fantastic @ophani (you can follow her on Instagram as well and check out what she’s working on atm!) who had been one of the first Cyberpunk people I’d ever followed on tumblr after becoming more involved in the fandom xD So yeah, the fanboy moment was even more real once I’d realized that. Also, there with her, amongst others, was @korribancosplay (also on Instagram!! Go check out his fantastic work <3) who actually recognized me first for being there looking sorta like Vince. He recognized that specific V with that hair and tattoos from my art xD I was like whaaaah! Honestly, that was my highlight of the night hands down in regards to meeting fellow fans :D Again, big shoutout to you two for the lovely conversation and everything, we’ll definitely stay in touch, and I hope I can venture over to NRW again in the future to meet up! xD

Img: Left, ophani as Kerry Eurodyne in his 2023 appearance <3, right, korribancosplay as Goro Takemura - I wish I'd brought a proper camera, blurry phone pics that I tried to somehow save through editing ftw :D

There were a lot of other amazing cosplayers, accompanying the two mentioned, and others as well that I didn’t all get to talk to but yeah… it was amazing seeing them all regardless and the love everyone poured into their costumes! Really got me hyped about getting back into cosplaying as well!

Let the Show Begin

But then it was finally 8pm and everyone gathered in the main showcase area.

None other than male V’s German VA Björn Schalla opened the show with a little speech (“I guess I don’t have to say who’s speaking right now”). That already sealed the deal for me in terms of “okay yeah, CDPR not playing games (figuratively), this is gonna be an amazing night if literal fucking Voice-of-V is here as a special guest”.

Then the German community managers joined for a little introduction and walkthrough of the schedule, as well as all the devs and CDPR team members present for the night came on stage to kick off the event officially with a big selfie. Shame on me for not really knowing who exactly everyone was, I’m too new and not as well versed in the who-is-who yet, but there were some very big names that people got super excited about so o.o

Img: Left, Björn Schalla aka German voice of male V, giving a little introduction speech reading out loud some randomly picked names from the guest list; right, the CDPR team and devs at the venue on stage together

Pretty much immediately afterwards, Miles Tost came back on stage, and we got to experience about an hour of gameplay of Phantom Liberty! If you don’t want spoilers for the expansion, skip the next section until the “Spoilers end here” line! I will try not to take too much away, but I want to give an honest and thorough review of what I’ve seen!

SPOILERS START HERE

The Game Showcase – Public Demo

The way this worked was, Miles stood on the front stage and narrated through the gameplay shown on the big screen, while the German community manager (iirc) Ryan played the game following a predetermined route I assume. He very strictly showed specific features, locations, and took a few very specific dialogue choices, always omitting the blue optional ones and just going with one of the generic yellow ones. The V in the demo was a male corpo, and Ryan never chose any of the plentily available Corpo dialogue options (and I’m very thankful for that, so we as players get to explore those ourselves somewhere further down the line :3).

Miles mentioned that the build shown to us was around three months old, and the first half hour of the game we saw revolved around Songbird guiding V through Dogtown prior to Myers’ plane crashing. They showed some minor NPCs running shops, the new Ripperdoc interface, and so on and so forth. I liked the new Ripperdoc animation but would’ve loved it to be even more expansive than it was in that build XD It was more a “sits down, selects cyberware to buy, then sits back up again after a short black screen, wiggles briefly then ventures forth” moment. Not comparable to the first scene with Viktor, when V gets their optics installed in the main game, but it still adds a little immersion!

V was also wearing very funky purple tights (the same level of tightness as a netrunner suit, but textured sort of like crocodile leather? I have a mighty need for them), and very sporty white sneakers that I also didn’t recognize from the main game. Everyone in the room very much loved his extravagant fashion sense XDD

So far so good, V walks through Dogtown a bit more and has some fun banter with Songbird who is not there physically, but also not quite on the phone… Then the president crashes into Dogtown kind of how it was shown in one of the trailers, and V has to go and save her, obviously, fighting Kurt Hansens forces! Up until this point of getting to and saving Myers from the wreckage was part of the publicly available demo that could also be tested at Gamescom and that I think was also showcased in recent dev streams.

The Game Showcase – Extended Demo

BUT THEN we got to a screen that said “extended demo unlocked” and got to experience some more, so far unseen content!

There was a bit of a time skip, V now traveling with President Myers and trying to get her to safety. Then we quickly got to a scene I had been kind of anxious about: V having to take an oath to become a special agent working for the NUSA. Thankfully though: you didn’t actually have to take the oath as shown in the trailer, and I was relieved, because being forced to do that that would’ve ended the expansion for my V then and there XD You still get to work for Myers though, and then V actually ventured out to find Solomon Reed! :O

We got to see quite a bit more of Dogtown, which is much bigger than I had assumed o.o Like, big buildings, proper streets, etc. etc. - not massive, but also not small! It seemed to sort of seamlessly blend into Pacifica, maybe… But in the showcase we didn’t venture far enough to the limits of the area to really be able to tell how exactly it is integrated into the world. Also, no visuals on the new Badlands areas or anything beyond this little story mission, but I think for a showcase like this that would’ve been too much! Mr. Hands called about a gig though that he maybe shouldn’t have, interrupting Miles' speech a little XD I don’t recall the exact details, but it sounded like a "SOS: Merc needed" type gig. I’m super excited about that, too, there's tons to do in this area!

They also showed the new phone interface, as well as the completely reworked skill trees, which is something @darcidarlin asked me about!

For the phone interface I’m so so thankful! It was so much bigger and organized, much easier to handle and read.

About the skill trees I’m super torn in a way… they’re different and simpler now, but sometimes simpler isn’t necessarily better imo. I’m used to my current build and skills, I like the attributes, and I don’t really see yet how my old playstyle is gonna translate into this new version. Basically, what they did (or at least how it seemed to me) was replace the attributes with "Skills". There is a "Relic" skill, an "Edgerunner" skill, and so forth, at least I saw nothing labelled "Cool", "Strength", "Tech" in the way I'm used to, but the glimpse we got was too short and superficial to really get a good idea of the new menu layout and contents.

The combat they showcased looked very fun, but it was all very centered around hands-on fighting, guns, swords, heavy cyberware. They showed very little stealth and no hacking/tech, and me being a predominantly stealth/hacking/tech player I was a bit “meh” and beginning to wonder if I’ll still have fun with what’s to come in the same way I do now. They kinda quickly flicked through the skill trees and I almost had the impression they completely remodelled Tech into a Cyberware skillset now, with armor fully tied to cyberware as well… I really don’t know XD Right now I can do a tech-heavy build without getting chromed up to my teeth, and I’d like to keep it that way… But I’m not sure if it’ll still work out like this in 2.0. Not much info on Cyberpsychosis either, only that again, with Tech perks, you can increase your threshold in terms of how much chrome V can stuff into their body before suffering an "overload". My low-on-chrome but otherwise tech-loving V is crying a little bit about this change XD

But yeah, this build was 3 months old. And my impression of the skills way waaaay to brief, so it's likely I'm getting upset about nothing XD Specifically for getting a closer look at combat and skills I would’ve needed to test the game out myself, so take everything about this with a big grain of salt!

Next up Ryan made a savegame and they showed the reworked police system a bit. Calling his vehicle in the middle of Dogtown was hilariously difficult, as it kept glitching and crashing into some parked cars the AI just didn’t seem to recognize, always ending up lying on its roof xD Miles joked “Oh no, some glitches just persist no matter what we do… but I bet your car can’t do this!”

Once Ryan had finally managed to get into his car though he started shooting. When you commit crimes in Dogtown, the NCPD will actually not come after your ass, but instead Kurt Hansen’s Barghest, which is neat! They are similarly equipped and will put up a bit of a fight for sure. There is now basically a 5-star system like I know it from GTA, and as soon as you reach 5, MaxTac will show up and whoop your ass. And man, they did not mess around XD MaxTac is not unbeatable, V put up quite the fight and managed to take down a couple of them, but in the end he got overwhelmed and taken down xD It did take a considerable amount of effort and destruction and killing though to even get to five stars, so much so that both Miles and Ryan were getting a bit desperate about it taking so long. So yeah, you really kinda have to put some actual effort into even getting MaxTac’s attention was my impression, and I do like that a lot to keep it balanced!

After this little demonstration of the police system, V went on to find Solomon Reed and damn, the first encounter with him is so fucking cool… I will not spoiler it here, because yeah. Wait and see! I really loved it, Spy-Thriller vibes over 9000, they definitely hit the mark on that XD

There is also so so so so much lovely new banter with Johnny. He was very present throughout this second part of the demo and had a lot to say on his past as a soldier, which I was really hoping for!! So, I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how deep it’s gonna get and even more so how it’s gonna end o.o

So much though to the gameplay I saw and my impression on it! There are more details I can share on request, so hmu via DM or ask if you wanna know more! There definitely were a lot of little choices in dialogues, and there seem to be a lot of choices that you can mess up that then have consequences, too :o High risk, high reward vibes, fitting for the high stakes this story seems to have.

One other random sidenote: the music is insanely beautiful o.o There was a new sort of action-packed background track for finding President Myers in Dogtown. And at the end of the demo there was another new song playing that was sort of… “dreamy, but in a dreadful way” sounding? A female vocalist, no actual lyrics, electronic music with similar vibes to the “V” main menu song, but quieter and calmer and sadder. My sibling found it annoying after a while XD But I really enjoyed it, and I kind feel like it could’ve been Songbird’s theme!

I got a question by @cheapcheapfaker about updated character models and animations that kinda fit into this section of the post! So… sadly I cannot answer it for sure because we only got to see the expansion characters and never ventured out of Dogtown (and I didn’t get to play the game myself to test out if it would’ve been possible to go and meet somebody else). What I can say is, I personally didn’t notice much of an update of Johnny’s appearance or facial animations at all actually. I know others did in regard to the same build of the game I got to see. There was no opportunity to ask, and a lot of questions that went sort of deeper into the territory of technical or story stuff, Miles wasn’t allowed to answer at that point. I think they played the game on the highest graphics settings, too, with path tracing on, which was also was something I’m not used to seeing with my rig. Johnny looked somewhat different to me actually, but not in an improved or updated way, more in a higher/different settings way.

What was confirmed during the Q&A though that followed on a different topic later (I made a post about it here already), was that they did go back and fix some voice lines in the main game that turned out weird in the German dub. And I read somewhere else before that “no system was untouched” for making Update 2.0, so maybe the other characters also received some minor updates and final polish. But nothing concrete sadly that was said or came up during my experience of the evening!

SPOILERS END HERE

Meet and Greet with German V

After the showcase of the game was over and some people had received mystery tickets to test Phantom Liberty on their own time, the crowd dispersed across the venue for a variety of activities. I tried to get into the “leave a message to the devs” booth, but it was occupied quite permanently, so I went back and then sat and waited for the Q&A, because that was super-duper down my alley, and I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it. In the podcast room next door some devs had come together to talk a bit more about the expansion as such, too, including Miles.

I had to gather all the fucking courage in my body, and I think being sorta sleep deprived and pumped full of adrenaline helped, but before the Q&A started, I went up to Björn to ask for an autograph and we very briefly talked. I got to tell him that I loved the way he played V so so much, lol XD I wasn’t very coherent, but he was very kind and funny, super chill guy!

Img: My ticket now signed "Für Elven, von 'V'" and Björn Schalla's autograph - need to get a fancy frame for it asap xD

I’m so glad that after the Q&A, of which you can find the detailed content in this separate post I made already, I went up again to get a pic done with him and Localization Director Mikolaj! :D So yes, this was definitely my personal highlight of the evening’s program, maybe even more so than seeing the new exclusive gameplay!

Img: Left, the Q&A with Björn and Mikolaj, right, Mikolaj and me and Björn XD

Raffle and Goodies

Towards the end of the night the live band that had been playing outside joined us in the main room (because, of course, the neighbors had complained about the noise… the peak Germany experience, the organizers got threatened with “we’re gonna call the cops if you continue playing music outside after 10 pm” x’D). But like this those of us who had been mostly inside watching the show at this point also got to experience the music a bit, which was very nice!

We were getting close to the end of the night already, and then people with goodie bags started walking in from all corners :O So I ventured forth once more to score one, but I think there definitely was enough for all, and at the end of this post I’m gonna show you what was inside :3

Img: Me holding my roughly letter-format sized Cyberpunk 2077 Phantom Liberty paper goodie bag :3

The last item on the agenda was called “Quiz and Raffle”, due to the delayed start of the night though they decided to skip the quiz, or rather, do a quick run of some of the questions they had prepared. It was all something like “What was the name of the character that X called to take over his shift?” or “What was the sign above the location V had to go to during X section of the gig?”, so nothing super hard. You just had to pay a little bit of attention during the game showcase. But yeah, the quiz was skipped and instead the raffle prizes were handed out a bit more freely and damn… there was a lot o.o Displate had gifted a super limited edition illuminated poster, as well as several of their tarot card metal posters. There were gaming keyboards, custom Cyberpunk themed PC cases, some leftovers from the Gear store, figurines, and so on and so forth. Some of the bigger prices were given out via random number generator, where our individual ticket numbers were important again, others were just handed out a bit more freely.

Ryan: “Damn, I have so many gaming mice left, what am I gonna do now…” Random Audience member: “Can I have one?” Ryan: “Sure! :D” *hands them a mouse*

Img: Ryan and Carolin of the German Community Management team at the end of the event with some closing words on stage

This part of the night was honestly just very lighthearted and funny, and I really felt entertained from start to finish XD There were no boring moments or situations where I was like “urgh, I wish we could just continue now” because even during the breaks I talked to people or was still recovering from a previous encounter or experience XD

The End of the Event

The event then ended pretty much on time a short while after midnight, some people had left a bit early to catch their trains, some lingered a little while longer. Lemme tell you, I didn’t wanna leave, I just wanted to move in and live with all these people forever in an amazing little Cyberpunk bubble. But I was also running on like 3 hours of sleep at that point, was extremely overwhelmed with so many positive experiences and impressions, and so we then left after taking some final snaps here and there and walking through the venue once more.

Img: The exit of the venue late at night with the Phantom Liberty Tour Banner now glowing

10/10 would go again, it was a blast, and I wouldn’t have minded for it to go on another six hours xD Not that I managed to sleep much anyway that night, because my brain was still going BRRR from all the impressions and conversations and encounters (still is to a degree right now, but I’m slowly getting calmer again xDD)

The Goodie Bag

Finally back at the hotel I got a proper look at the goodie bag!! All of this was also included in us just *being* there, like, whaaat...

Img: an overview of a variety of items featured in the goodie bag!

The goodies everyone got: a t-shirt with the Barghest logo in front and the Phantom Liberty Tour locations on the back. It was available in a lot of different sizes that you could ask for quite easily, and I hope there was one available for everyone and every body!

Img: A bright red, VERY WRINKLED t-shirt with a graffiti-style Barghest logo on its front in orange, and a white and orange print with the Phantom Liberty Tour locations on the back

The shirt is 100% cotton and made in Poland, but it smelled really really bad, coming out of a plastic bag XDD Not gonna put that on before it goes through the wash. But the quality seems very decent, and the color and print are really nice ;A; Could wear this casually under a shirt or zipper hoodie without anyone even being able to tell it’s gaming merch, and I love me a versatile piece like that!!

Then there was a Phantom Liberty themed sticker sheet with a nice rainbow holo effect :3 Some factions, some people and places, some more generic stickers. It’s very pretty and I think I might actually just frame it together with my signed ticket XD

Img: A holographic Phantom Liberty themed sticker sheet including faction and Night City logos amongst others

What I really really really loved though were these two Cologne-unique pieces: another sticker and a patch :O These seem to be 100% exclusives to the Cologne event, and I figure you can get something similar at the other events as well! Will treasure these like hell <3

Img: A blue and orange fabric patch and a holographic black and white sticker showing the same design: Phantom Tour Cologne below a stylized moth

And finally, everyone got a little mystery bag within their mystery bag, containing one of 6 keyboard cap thingies (don’t even know wtf they’re called but they’re cute XD). They were modelled after the various ingame factions, even including Barghest I believe! :O You can swap them out with any key on a mechanical gaming keyboard. I got Maelstrom, my sibling had the Mox :D So you could’ve definitely swapped with someone else for your fave faction, but I was actually quite pleased with Maelstrom :3

Img: Two small keyboard key replacer thingies... I don't know what to call them. One is red, featuring the head of a maelstromer on top, the other is blue, featuring the pink skull-head with bob haircut and bow of the Mox

So yes… that was my Phantom Liberty Tour experience! I apologize for the insanely long post, but I do hope you enjoyed reading it!

I tried to keep it somewhat concise and coherent and could definitely go more into detail about the gameplay elements we saw, the venue, the people there, and so on and so forth. So, don’t hesitate to hit me up with your questions :D And obviously, thanks so much for reading to the very end <3

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk phantom liberty #phantom liberty #phantom liberty tour #phantom liberty spoilers #elven attends phantom liberty tour posting

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little-yandere-ish-blog · 1 year

Text

Yandere! AI! Germany x reader

You sat there staring at your ceiling, the swirl patterns on the ceiling were charming in their own way. Your earbuds played the same songs, everything felt unreal in its own way. It felt empty. This feeling of yours was just like the feeling of a husk in the desert.

There was no point looking at your phone. No one texted you anyways- Your DM’s and messages were dry as hell. The most exciting notification you got was an email from tumblr saying to check out these 5 new trends. Even that vibration alone got you excited but the disappointment realizing that it was no one was your email.

You laid back in your bed, another lonely day...you would have work tomorrow anyways. You sighed softly- you decided some online quizzes wouldn't kill you. You pulled out your laptop going around to take some stupid quizzes to kill time. You were going through the pages of google you went to the 56th page of google and a link caught your eye.

An odd quiz you never saw before “ ideal game quiz” you decided to do the quiz and finding out your ideal game type and even where to get these games. You hummed seeing your game you got from the quiz was called “World of Love” a game about finding love?

You said fuck it and decided to download the game, you grabbed a soda as you installed the application on your computer. It was downloaded in 10 minutes which was enough time to grab snacks and a drink. You hummed as the start screen loaded. It was a pink pastel aesthetic with cute little options and toggles. You smiled softly clicking on ‘<3New Game’

‘WELCOME TO WORLD OF LOVE!’

please choose your preferred story!

>Casual story

>Deep story

>Unknown story

You stared at the page not thinking much of it you clicked Unknown story.

time skip 20 hours of game play~

It was day 10 of your game (you had played 2 hours) everyday of the game interacting with characters such as; Alfred, Ludwig, Edward, Feliciano, and Mathias! You had chosen a particular character to go for and that was Ludwig- He was so strong and helpful!:)

If only you knew he was looking right back at you-

You always smiled at his dialogue and would always try to find fanart or even fanfics but...they don’t exist? You found it weird considering you got the link to this game from a quiz so...shouldn’t it be more popular? You brushed it off as the game having a small fandom that doesn’t do much of anything.

You drew your own fanart of him and kept it in your room. It was so nice having it:) Today in particular was special because today was the end of the game you had completed all the tasks and side quests for Ludwig’s route! this was very exciting!

the end scene was playing out, you didn’t notice that in the top right corner your computer glitched. It was small then the screen froze. You couldn’t move your mouse or turn off your monitor, you groaned ‘fuck- the game gave you some kind of virus!’ You sighed trying to turn it off but it was still on. The monitor started sparking. You panicked and tried to unplug it but no use....the screen went to a light blue....you sat there freaking out not knowing what to do! You went to grab your phone to call a computer tech but you heard a voice...it was Ludwig’s voice from the game?

“I wouldn’t do that if i were you-” he warned

you looked to the monitor seeing Ludwig coming out of the screen into your home...he was real?! HE WAS HUMAN?! Your jaw dropped

“ what the fuck?!” you exclaimed

“I guarantee you i am of no harm whatsoever” He showed both his hands showing he had no weapon to harm anyone with.

“ you’re...not supposed to be here..?” you stated...it was more of a question than anything

“ of course i can go where i please, I do have a purpose after all” He smiled softly

“and that purpose is...?” you raised a brow

“ to take you and get married” He stated as if it was an obvious thing he just said

“ Ludwig...you’re a computer- Im not marrying a computer” you said bluntly

“ don’t be silly (name) We’re bound to be together! You played my route and seeing your face light up seeing me speak really light my heart up” He confessed holding your hand...oddly enough it was warm?

Before you could get a word in he interrupted

“I don’t think we’d want an accident would we?” He threatened giving a tight smile....he fixated his eyes on the power cord and cup of water on your desk..

“how can you do all of this?..” your head spinning, everything seemed so unreal right now.

“that isn’t important but do know you are safe when you are with me” he reassured you. He held your hand tightly putting it to his muscular chest “ I will make sure we are together and you are not hurt, we could live in the virtual world (name), access to the internet and the whole game its so much larger than that small map they give you. No one will ever purchase the game again anyways” He said looking into your eyes his piercing blue eyes looking deep into your eyes.

“What are you talking about?” you pulled you hand away from him, confused at his question. the quiz and the game? Surely there may be others trapped in this game or A.I rather than you.

“ You manage to find the one quiz buried deep in the internet, our game had created that quiz of yours and deleted it after a person took it. You found a strange dating game and downloaded it without thinking about potential consequences. Think about it (name) we are bound together. This is our fate. You chose me. You wanted me.” Ludwig looked at you, his tone was serious. How the hell are you gonna get yourself out of this one?

Suppose its too late to call that computer tech now is it?

#yandere germany #yandere hetalia x reader #yandere hetalia #yandere hws germany #yandere aph germany #aph germany #yandere AI #yandere computer

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biconickyoshi · 2 months

Note

just wanted to say that everyday i open my email to see if i get the notification that u updated your zukaang fic, bc its my new hyperfixation

Aww omg thank you for sharing, I love to hear that you're so invested!! Working on this fic has been my biggest hyperfixation recently as well, so it's nice to know I'm not the only one obsessing over it haha

#asks #my fic #the avatar and the fire prince #taatfp #zukaang

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morganofthewildfire · 2 years

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But Who Could Stay?

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Rowaelin Month Day 1: Song Fic

based on The Archer by Taylor Swift

~ 27k words

an: I am immensely proud of this, and I have put so much work into this one, I really hope you all like it; it was born out of my obsession with the archer but has turned into something of its own; I'm a bit nervous sharing it, but I'm happy with how it turned out, so I hope you all enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it

CW: cursing, angst, depictions of an eating disorder, mentions of sexual assault, very brief depiction of attempted sexual assault, NSFW

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Who could ever leave me darling?

But who could stay?

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Aelin woke up that morning to the sound of classical piano blaring in her ears. It was the opening chords of the Stygian Suite, which meant she was just on time as she sat up, lifting up her eye mask and turning to switch off the alarm.

With a graceful yawn, she pulled back her silk sheets, standing out of bed to stretch as the first reaches of sunlight seeped in through the light blue curtains.

5:30 am, bright and early. It was the time she woke up every day, just to get a jump start before her schedule caught up with her.

Efficiently, she made her bed, tucking the fluffy white comforter nicely underneath her pillows before heading into the bathroom. In there, her face highlighted by the lights around the large mirror, she combed and clipped her hair up, with a towel headband to keep any stray pieces back. Turning on the faucet to let the water warm up, Aelin went and grabbed her silk robe, sliding it on over her silk pajamas, the luxurious fabric caressing her skin.

Then she went back to the sink, splashing her face with water and using her expensive face wash to start the day fresh. After the face wash, she applied her bottle of toner to her skin carefully, before layering it on with a few of her favorite serums, finishing the routine off with her moisturizer and of course, sunscreen, to keep her skin youthful and glowing.

Then she took off the headband, but left the clip in, traveling out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, turning on her fancy coffee machine. After hitting a few buttons, her coffee was brewing, espresso and steamed milk spilling out of it to make a delicious latte.

While that was brewing, Aelin padded over to the floor to ceiling windows, pulling open the curtains to reveal the city skyline below, already bustling at the early hour. Rifthold was a huge city, there was always something going on. She relished in the chaos of it all, it kept the chaos in her own mind at bay.

It was only when she was sitting down on her plush couch with her coffee and her small bowl of yogurt that she finally looked at her phone.

6 am. She’d made good time.

If she ate her breakfast and drank her coffee in the next fifteen minutes, then she’d have another fifteen to get changed before starting her morning workout. Not to be confused with her evening workout of course. Morning was cardio, while evening was all toning.

None of her friends were awake at this hour, so there weren’t any text notifications, but the fashion world was 24/7, so she had multiple emails in her inbox, essentially detailing her itinerary for the next month.

After transferring all of her shoots and runways, as well as her meetings, into her calendar, Aelin uncurled herself from the couch, abandoning her half eaten yogurt on the counter before going into her bedroom to change.

Within half an hour, she was sweating as she nearly sprinted on the treadmill. Her legs and her lungs were burning as she ran, crossing the mile mark at a record speed for her. It was one of her favorite parts of the day, to let loose all of her stress through pure sweat.

But as she was crossing the second mile, her phone rang and she was forced to slow her pace down to a gentle jog as she answered it and put it on speaker, hearing Lysandra’s tired voice yawn through the line.

“Good morning, bitch,” her best friend said affectionately, and Aelin chuckled, still breathing heavily as she exercised.

“Good morning,” she replied, “you’re up early.”

“And what?” Lysandra said, “you’ve been up for an hour already, haven’t you.” Aelin laughed again, wiping at some stray sweat.

“An hour and a half,” she admitted, hearing her friend snort through the phone.

“You’re crazy, girl,” Lys said, and Aelin could picture her shaking her head, curled up in her fluffy robe on her own couch. “Anyway, I was just calling to let you know we’re meeting at The Stag at eight tonight for drinks. Aedion is insisting you actually come this time.”

“I couldn’t come last time because of a shoot,” Aelin sighed, “he knows that. Tell him to get out of my business.”

“He knows,” the brunette girl complained. “But he’s going to be mad if you don’t make it tonight.”

Aelin thought through her schedule in her head, sighing through her nose as she hit the three mile mark on her treadmill.

“I’ll see what I can do,” she conceded, and Lysandra seemed satisfied with that answer as she hung up the call. Aelin finally slowed the treadmill down to a stop, ending at three miles. A little less than usual but she’d just compensate with her workout later.

She wasn’t lying when she said she was busy, but there was one other reason she was hesitant to go to their group gatherings. A certain man named Rowan Whitethorn.

He was best friends with Lorcan, who was dating Elide, who was good friends with her and Lysandra, so they all got grouped together whenever they went out. He was sure to be invited to drinks tonight.

It wasn’t like she never saw him outside of her friends, in fact he worked at her modeling agency as a headshot photographer. He’d been hired well after her start in the industry, so she’d never taken pictures with him, but his official duties were to take the pictures new girls would submit with their applications for shoots.

He was… fine. When he wasn’t being a raging pain in her ass. Stuck up, arrogant, holier than thou - Rowan Whitethorn was convinced that he was better than her, and while she knew her self worth was so diminished she would likely agree if it were anyone else, she just couldn’t with him.

And she just really wasn’t feeling up to an interaction with him today. But - she’d promised her cousin she’d try. So try she would.

——-

By the time Aelin sauntered through the doors of The Stag that evening, her high heels clicking on the dark oak floor, she was half an hour late. She hadn’t intended on being so late, but her shoot went over earlier that afternoon, and then she was late for her meeting with her agent Maeve, only to almost miss her hair and makeup consultation for her next shoot, forcing her to cut her workout short.

Aedion was lucky she didn’t skip entirely in favor of her abs. It took work to keep them this toned. Not that he’d understand, as a firefighter his entire job was essentially a workout.

Aelin had to put effort in.

“Aelin,” Aedion greeted a bit sarcastically, standing up from the table for an exaggerated hug. “I haven’t seen you in decades, look how you’ve grown.”

“Fuck off,” Aelin laughed as she hugged him back. “You know for a fact we saw each other last week.”

“Hm,” her cousin said, hugging her tightly. “It’s been a long week.”

She and her cousin had always been close, but especially so after her parents passed when she was fifteen. Aedion had already been eighteen and had fought tooth and nail for custody instead of sending her off to social services, so she’d lived with him for three years, just the two of them.

He’d supported her when she’d expressed interest in modeling, and was still her biggest supporter now, five years later, when her success was only continuing to rise.

“Here,” Lysandra interrupted, patting the seat next to her. “Come tell me everything you’ve been doing lately. I want the drama.”

Aelin laughed as she sat on the barstool at the high top table, joining the rest of the group. The whole crew was there: Lorcan and Elide, Aedion and Lysandra, Fenrys and Connall, even Vaughan had showed up, and - Rowan. They made eye contact, blue meeting green, and her smile dropped, though she attempted to nod politely. But when he just rolled his eyes, she stopped pretending to be nice.

“Do you want something to eat?” Elide asked, the petite brunette looking hot in a skin tight black dress, made modest only by the high cut of it. “We ordered some tater tots already, but we can get you something when the waiter comes back.”

Aelin waved her hand in dismissal, resting her purse on the hook under the table. “I ate earlier, I’m okay.” A wave of nerves fluttered through her, picturing the half eaten yogurt she’d abandoned that morning, but no one seemed to clock the lie, so she forced herself to relax. “I will get something to drink though.”

She waved down a waiter, reaching back into her purse to pull out her credit card. It was a platinum card, and it looked as fancy as it sounded. As it was.

“Another round,” she gestured to the table, smiling prettily at the waiter and winking. “On me. I’ll take a cosmopolitan please, with sugar free juice. I’m on a diet.”

The waiter didn’t say anything, just heading away to go get the next round of drinks, and she turned back to her group, satisfied.

“You’re trouble, Galathynius,” Fenrys said, shaking his head, and she just shrugged, laughing. The group quickly dissolved back into conversation, having to nearly shout over the hectic chaos of the bar. It was a nice place, but it was loud.

But Aelin felt eyes on her, and she turned to look at Rowan, smiling coldly.

“Enjoy your drink,” she said, refusing to be the one to look away. But he didn’t look away either, not backing down, and eventually she had to turn away. She hated him, but those green eyes threatened to strip her down to nothing and learn all of her secrets.

And she couldn’t risk that.

------

Several of his friends were riotously drunk when they finally left the bar, notably Fenrys and Aedion, but Rowan himself wasn’t even tipsy as he gathered his phone and his keys, slipping out the front door as everyone else was shuffled into various cars.

Aelin was the only one left, looking elegant in her loose pants and tight shirt, her legs going on for miles with those high heels of hers. Rowan hated her, had for a few years now, but he couldn’t deny how attractive she was. She was a model for gods sakes.

He’d be kidding himself if he tried to pretend she wasn’t beautiful.

But her personality on the other hand… completely irritating. Always laughing, flashing her money around, like she didn’t give a damn about anyone else.

Rowan already had his struggles being one of the least paid in the friend group, besides Aedion being a public employee, but Lysandra was a high end fashion designer, so it balanced out. He didn’t need the constant insult from Aelin, who essentially worked at the same place as him, but was infinitely richer.

She knew it. And she never failed to remind him.

He kept his face cold as she looked over at him, sliding her purse over her shoulder. She was surprisingly sober as well; he’d noticed she’d only sipped on her one drink the whole time.

“Loosen up a bit, Rowan,” she crooned, smiling sardonically. “You could use it.” And then she was sauntering away down the sidewalk, leaving him alone.

Rowan stared after her for a minute, letting her walk away, before turning and heading in the exact opposite direction. Yep, because he lived on the opposite side of the city. She was in a glamorous high rise uptown, and he was in a rundown five story apartment complex close to the center of downtown.

He began the long walk back home, kicking a rock idly onto the street, which was quickly run over by a passing car.

The city was loud. Always busy, always moving. He didn’t think he’d like it when he first moved here with Lorcan after high school, but now he couldn’t imagine being anywhere different.

Something caught his gaze and he paused, catching on a puddle that was reflecting streaky lights from a half lit bar sign a few yards away. He pulled out his phone, wishing he had his full camera with him as he snapped a picture, turning to get just the right angle.

He’d discovered he liked photography in high school, after taking a class as an elective credit and realizing he’d accidentally discovered his passion in life. He didn’t think that passion would lead him to taking pictures of wannabe models for their applications to have their pictures taken by “real” photographers, but - he had bills to pay.

It was fine for now, but he was hoping to get somewhere a little further than that.

Maybe in the next couple of years he’d finally be able to.

He tucked his phone back into his pocket as he continued to walk, only taking it and his keys back out when he reached his door. It creaked as he opened it and he sighed as he flicked the light on.

It was an older complex, and it was dated, but he was meticulous at cleaning and it was practically spotless. And nothing looked amiss, so he flicked the light back off and kept walking into his bedroom, nearly slamming the door behind him.

He’d thought the nice would be fun, and relaxed, where he’d get to hang out with his friends and just have a good time. But Aelin Galathynius never let it be that simple.

-----

Rowan woke up the next morning to an incessant beeping. Rolling over and burying his face into his pillow, he flung an arm out to turn it off. Silence settled over the room again, and he was tempted to fall back asleep, but he forced his eyes open instead.

It was still dark out, made only more so by the blackout curtains he kept in his bedroom. But his day was already starting.

He dragged himself out of bed, shuffling to the kitchen and hitting brew on his coffee pot. While that was going, he went back into the bathroom, splashing his face with water to wake himself up a bit more, sighing as he looked at himself in the mirror.

He looked exhausted.

Dark circles under his eyes, messy hair, a bit of stubble that he didn’t manage to shave the day before… A wreck, that’s what he was.

More beeping signaled the coffee being ready, and Rowan traversed his way back out to the kitchen, not even bothering to shrug on a t- shirt. There was no one here, it didn’t matter if he was only half dressed. He downed a mug of black coffee before pouring another one after it, choosing to sip on this one instead as he got his toast ready.

Once that was done, he slapped a slice of butter on it, taking the plate and his coffee to the couch, where he slumped down and turned on the TV to the local news.

Yes, he watched the local news. No, he was not sixty.

It was mostly mindless as he pulled out his phone, scrolling through his emails and his schedule for the day. He had only two photo shoots on his agenda, but Maeve wanted to meet with him, so his day was instantly longer.

It probably wasn’t anything important, but she was sure to drag it out just to make him uncomfortable. She was like that, he’d quickly discovered upon getting hired. As the boss of the whole modeling agency, she relished in the power she had over all of them.

And she was even worse if anyone was late.

So Rowan drained the rest of his coffee, and went to get moving with the rest of his day.

------

The modeling agency was in a high rise office building, not too far from where he knew Aelin’s apartment was. An easy walk for her, a half hour metro ride for him.

But it was so ingrained in him now he barely felt the distance, and soon enough he was walking into his “office”, which was really a desktop in the corner of the room where all of the other low level employees and interns were, in various clumps.

He’d bought noise canceling headphones just to be able to work there, editing his photos. The incessant chatting and loud music from the other employees drove him crazy, unlike the deafening noise of the city.

He slid down into his chair, shoving those headphones in as he wiggled the mouse to turn on the screen, before inputting his SD card into the monitor and pulling up the pictures he’d taken the day before.

In each portfolio, he’d learned a model needs a simple headshot, a bodyshot, a swimsuit shot, either an editorial or commercial shot depending on their specialization, a smiling shot, and then a strong closing shot. So six photographs in the end, but dozens more he had to photograph and edit before finalizing.

He pulled up the first folder, and got started.

An hour later, he closed out of his editing site, taking out his headphones and shutting off his computer. He tucked his chair back under the desk and grabbed his camera bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he headed to the back room, where the shoot was set up.

But on his way, he caught sight of Aelin, sitting in Maeve’s office like she owned it, waiting for the other woman herself to appear. The blonde was in high heels, of course, but with a dress on this time, one that highlighted her curves but weren’t glued to them. Her hair was swept up in a voluminous half up half down, revealing the sweep of her neck.

She looked good, like always, and he hated himself for the rush of heat that spiked through him. Though it cooled when she spotted him through the glass walls, giving him a certain gesture in return.

Rowan just frowned and dismissed her, continuing on his way. He had more important things to do than bother with her.

When he got to the studio in the back, the model was already there, her blonde hair pulled sleekly back into a bun with natural makeup on per the requirements of the headshot. Which is what they’d start with.

Remelle was her name, if he remembered his schedule correctly.

She was new, he supposed, and it made sense because he probably would’ve remembered seeing her before. It was a model agency, of course they’d all be stunning, but she was stunning in a particular way - gorgeous, but almost like she was missing something.

“Are you my photographer?” She asked, smiling at him in a way that had his guard going up.

“Yes,” Rowan answered, frowning slightly and ignoring her look as he went to set up the camera. He was used to being on the receiving end of some flirting here, he wasn’t modest he knew he was at least somewhat good looking. When he wasn’t working, he was at the gym, trying to get rid of everything in his head through mindless exercise.

But this girl was looking at him like he was a piece of meat, making him decidedly uncomfortable, so he tried not to accidentally pay her any mind, focusing entirely on being professional.

Even if Remelle was beautiful, he’d be stupid as hellas if he messed with her and risked losing one of the only opportunities he had.

------

Aelin swung her foot back and forth like a pendulum as she waited for Maeve to appear. She’d been sitting in her office for nearly fifteen minutes, just sitting by herself. It wasn’t surprising, Maeve was always like this, had to remind you of who really held the power.

Yes, Aelin was one of the highest paid models in the entire country, effectively the world too, but she wouldn’t be anywhere near she was without Maeve.

Aelin didn’t like to admit it, but it was true.

So she’d wait. She’d be patient.

She’d already flicked off Rowan as he passed, dressed in his stupid little jeans and polo shirt. He worked at a model agency, he couldn’t get better clothes? He looked good in them though, she couldn’t deny that.

The jeans hugged him nicely, and his arms in those shirts of his. They would’ve made her mouthwater if she didn’t have enough self control.

If he wasn’t such an asshole, he’d be exactly her type. But fortunately, she could control herself, and any desire she had for him was tempered by his entire personality.

The door clicked open, and Maeve soon entered her own office, her heels tapping against the floor as she made her way over to her desk, sliding into place gracefully.

“Aelin,” she greeted with a smile. But the smile was cold. “Lovely to see you today.”

“You too, Maeve,” Aelin replied, just as icily. But her boss was already flipping through Aelin’s file, pulling out whatever she wanted to talk about in this spontaneous meeting. Aelin wasn't even supposed to come into the office today; she was supposed to go straight to Lysandra’s fashion company actually, to do a consultation for their runway show.

It was great getting to work with her best friend, and Aelin had been excited for today. But this was getting in the way.

“What did you want to discuss with me?” She said, a bit exasperated. Maeve just flipped through the folder casually, betraying how little of a rush she was in.

“You’ve been contacted for an exciting opportunity,” the brunette woman said, and Aelin raised her brows. “You’ve worked with them before but it’s been a long time. I never thought they’d want you again considering that time span, so you’d do best to act nice for them.”

Aelin narrowed her eyes, fighting the urge to cross her arms. Instead, she reached for one of the vegan cookies Maeve kept in a dish on her desk. Cookies should be surprising in a model agency, but they were so absurdly healthy that Aelin was sure she’d lose more calories from digesting it than she’d even get from eating it.

But it was something to keep her occupied and not fidgety.

That was, until Maeve eyed her carefully, finally looking up from the papers. “You’d do well to watch your weight,” she chastised, and the cookie turned to ash in her mouth. “You’ve been looking a little thicker around the waist lately.”

“I lost ten pounds last month,” Aelin said, trying not to argue. And trying not to sound too weak.

“And we agreed on fifteen,” Maeve said, “you have to be looking your best if you don’t want to lose everything we’ve worked for.”

She nodded vaguely, not looking at her. The cookie settled uncomfortably in her stomach.

“Who am I working with?” Aelin changed the topic, forcing a polite smile onto her face.

But Maeve’s smile back was anything but polite.

“Rifthold Fashion,” she answered, naming one of the oldest and most iconic fashion magazines in the entire country of Adarlan, the entire world.

Aelin should be happy that she was getting another shot with them. She’d done a shoot with them when she was eighteen, a profile about being an up and comer in the industry. But she hadn’t been there since.

And now, she only felt sick.

She didn’t remember how she managed to finish the conversation, all she could feel was the growing nausea inside of her. And when Maeve dismissed her, she couldn’t wait any longer before heading straight to the bathroom, dropping to her knees, and vomiting into the toilet.

She shuddered as she let out all of the meager amount of things she’d eaten that day, the bile tasting bitter as she spit into the ceramic.

Another wave went through her and she retched again, panting before leaning her head against the tile wall.

Invisible hands trailed along her body and she curled up into a ball, trying to fight the feeling. Her heels slipped off her feet and a few tears slipped out of her eyes.

Gods. She shouldn’t be having such a visceral reaction to just the idea of going back there, to the idea of seeing that man.

She squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a rough sigh. She was better than this. She needed to get over it, otherwise she’d never be able to advance her career. She’d never be able to live.

So she uncurled herself, standing up weakly, smoothing her hair back and wiping her mouth as she headed to the door. But, when she opened it, she found someone standing on the other side.

-----

Rowan had finished up the shoot with Remelle, unable to stop her from giving him her number, and was on the way out of the studio when he heard something coming from the bathroom as he passed.

It sounded like someone was getting sick, and he frowned, stopping. He was about to knock on the door and ask if they were okay, whoever it was, but he hesitated, and soon enough the door was opening on its own.

And he blinked at the sight.

It was Aelin, her high heels in her hand, her hair messy and her eyes… they looked a little wild, and sad, tears staining her cheeks with streaks of her mascara.

He didn’t even know what to say.

“Oh,” she said, looking away and quickly wiping at her eyes with her free hand. His heart ached and he didn’t know why. He was just frozen as she bent down, sliding her shoes back onto her feet. And then she said, “if you’ll excuse me,” and she rushed past him, tucking her hair behind her ears as she hurried down the hallway and out of sight.

Leaving Rowan alone, and more confused than he’d ever been in his life.

-------

Aelin raced around her apartment, getting the finishing touches in the decor perfectly right before everyone arrived. It was just a simple get together, they weren’t celebrating anything, but she always liked to think along the lines of that every get together was worth celebrating, so she wanted to make it look as nice as possible.

She’d even swept and vacuumed, which she usually had to force herself to remember to do. And she’d straightened everything up, getting drinks and setting up a little bar area in the kitchen, as well as some sparkly decorations to give the room some pizazz.

Then she pranced over to her record player, putting on a nice jazzy album and dimming the lights just as the first person knocked.

She smiled, fixing her dress and heading over to the door. It was just the usual crew coming over, plus a few extras, but like she said, why not make every occasion a special one?

But when she opened the door, her smile dropped into an awkward frown. Rowan was there, and looking decidedly uncomfortable when he realized he was the first one.

Aelin hated that he’d seen her coming out of the bathroom earlier, looking like she’d just gone through hell. Because she had in a way, or at least revisited it in her mind. She kept trying to push the memory down, and most of the time she was successful, but that just meant whenever it did come up, it came up stronger. Especially now that she’d be seeing him again.

But Rowan didn’t need to know that.

“Come in,” she said politely, forcing a smile back on her face as she stepped to the side, holding the door open for him. Rowan looked just as awkward as her, but he was watching her in a way that made her fidget, like he was waiting for her to fall apart again just so he could inspect what had caused her to break.

They hadn’t seen each other at the agency today, so it hadn’t been since the bathroom incident that they’d had any interaction at all. Which just made this even worse.

“There’s drinks over there,” she gestured loosely to the kitchen, shutting the door and following him into the apartment. “You can set your food over on that table.”

Rowan had a plate of what looked like… green beans? She blinked at it, but didn’t question him as he went and set it down where she’d directed him to. Maybe she’d even give them a try.

As he did that, she went back to the record player, wanting something to fiddle with instead of talking to him, or even looking at him. She felt exposed, and vulnerable now that he’d seen her like that. She did so well at hiding all of her true emotions, not even her cousin knew when she was really hurting, and unintentionally she’d just revealed them all to a man she knew didn’t like her.

“That’s nice music,” that same man said, and she glanced over, a little surprised at the neutral statement. He was still looking at her oddly, and she blushed a little, insecurity racing through her.

“Thank you,” she said, clearing her throat and turning back around. “This album was a favorite of my dad’s, we used to listen to it together.” The words were like a dagger to her heart, a pain so intense she had to fight back tears. But she just sniffed and forced a mocking smile to her face as she looked at him again.

“I’m surprised you even know what good music is,” she teased, though it sounded more like an insult. “You seem like the type to sit around in utter silence.” Maybe she did mean it as an insult, just to regain some familiar territory. And she was successful, as his face turned cold, but she didn’t know if that made her feel better or not.

Luckily, she was saved by another knock at the door, and she turned her attention to the new guest, ignoring Rowan once again.

----

Soon enough, the party was in full swing, and Rowan didn’t speak to Aelin again for the next few hours. If it wasn’t for the fact that they usually never talked, he would say she was avoiding him, always flitting away to different people whenever their proximity threatened conversation.

She was wearing a gauzy silver dress, and it was almost like she was another one of her sparkly decorations, floating around the room, always there but never in one place for long.

Rowan, on the other hand, didn’t move from the chair he’d planted himself in, sipping on a beer and generally not participating in the revelry. He couldn’t help but watch her though, trying to tie this image of her, smiling and carefree, with the one from the day before, wide eyed and scared almost.

Which one was real? Which one was a mask?

He was intrigued in a way he hadn’t been in a long time, but it was clear she wasn’t open to him trying to pry, if the way she’d shut down the brief, awkward conversation earlier was any indication. Fair enough. Just because he’d accidentally seen her when she clearly wasn’t expecting any eyes didn’t mean he had any right to know more.

And yet…

His gaze was on hers as she perched on the edge of her fancy couch, right next to her friend Dorian, laughing as she worked on another plate of his green beans, to his satisfaction. It was her third one.

Despite the plentiful other options the other guests had brought, she’d stuck with those. It was an old recipe his mom had used to make, before she passed, and he’d perfected it over the past couple of years. And if Aelin, the self declared sugar purist, liked them, he knew he was doing something right.

He’d always thought it was strange how obsessed she was with sugar, for being a model. Though he knew she also exercised like crazy. But still, for how unhealthily she ate, she was essentially a twig. Maybe she had a fast metabolism? Some people were like that.

Still, she looked like she could snap in half with the smallest breeze.

The typical model body, he supposed.

“Gods, Aelin,” Aedion teased, good naturedly, from his spot in the kitchen talking to Lorcan. The jazz music was still on, though it was a different album this time. “I didn’t even know you knew what a green bean was.”

Rowan watched, like he was looking through a glass wall, as Aelin threw her cousin an unkind gesture.

“I’m surprised you do,” she teased, raising her brows. Though, maybe Rowan was imagining things, but he could’ve sworn her cheeks turned slightly pink. “I’m allowed to stray from sugar for one night.”

It was Elide’s turn to snort, the petite brunette nudging Aelin’s leg with her shoe. “I served broccoli at my apartment last week and you asked me what it was.”

“You know,” Aelin said, shaking her head, clearly fighting a smile. “I don’t like this conversation.” Her friends continued heckling her, all of them eventually breaking into laughter, but Rowan still didn’t join in, choosing to observe instead.

That’s how he didn’t miss when she set the plate down on the table. And didn’t pick it up again.

Nor did he miss when she excused herself quietly, slipping away from the party easily.

Rowan was tempted to follow her, to see if she was okay, to see if her mask was gone once again, he didn’t know. But he didn’t. He just sat there sipping his beer, wondering why he cared so much about a girl he was supposed to hate.

And he knew he was a fool when she came back out a few minutes later, looking as perky as ever. The bathroom, she’d just gone to the fucking bathroom.

She didn’t need his concern. And he certainly didn’t need to give it to her.

------

The party didn’t end until late into the night, and Aelin was exhausted and a little dizzy as she crashed back down on her couch, her cousin by her side. Lysandra couldn’t make it that night, having a pressing work thing occupying her time, so Aedion was staying over, taking the chance for some quality family time.

She yawned as she leaned her head against his shoulder, tucking her feet up under her as he turned on the TV, immediately going to the sports channel and watching a rerun of a football game from earlier that evening.

Her stomach was still roiling from those green beans, even if she’d tried to take care of the problem.

“Who’s playing?” Aelin asked, trying to avoid the topic in her mind. Aedion didn’t even turn to her as he answered, eyes glued on the game.

“The Rifthold Ravens and Terrasen Stags,” he said, “Stags are up by 3 but the Ravens are in field goal territory. So they could either tie it or go for a touchdown.”

“Shit,” she said, sitting up a little, “well we can’t let the Ravens win.” Her eyes went to the screen too, immediately clocking what was going on. Aelin had grown up with Aedion, even before her parents died. He’d moved in with them when she was very little after his mom had died, so she’d grown up watching football.

And even if they lived in Rifthold now, they were both from Terrasen, and therefore were both Stags fans for life.

Her dad had been too.

“If they tie we have to go into overtime,” Aelin frowned, watching as they lined up for the final play, the dark purple uniforms of the Ravens lined up against the green uniforms of the Stags. Her heart was beating way too fast as the Ravens hiked the ball, the quarterback running back to find someone to throw too.

“Go, go, go,” Aedion was calling, watching the Terrasen defense. Aelin joined him, nearly jumping out of her seat as the quarterback threw the ball and -

“YES!” Her cousin shouted as a Terrasen player intercepted the ball in the end zone. The whole team raced over to him, hitting each other and shoving each other in the way that only guys feel the need to do. But Aelin was up and dancing in celebration with Aedion as the final score rang out.

24 - 21 in favor of the Stags.

Aelin laughed as Aedion pumped his fist to the ceiling, celebrating as if he himself was the player who’d caught the ball.

“Fuck yeah!” He yelled, “that’s right you Rifthold fuckers! We’ll show you what real football looks like!”

“Gods,” Aelin laughed, shaking her head, “you’ve gotten worse. Which I didn’t think was possible.”

“This is real life, Aelin,” Aedion said, pointing at the TV, a wild smile on his face. “Not you and Lys’ fashion world, this is all that matters, right here.” Aelin didn’t even take offense, knowing he didn’t mean it like that. She just snorted, and shook her head, trying to shake away some of the dizziness that’d taken over.

Was it hot in here? Or was it just her? Her legs trembled, clearly weak, and she figured she needed to sit down.

“Are you going to start praying to the TV now?” She mocked, plopping back down on the couch. It wasn’t instant relief, but she was certainly in less danger of passing out.

“Hey,” he said, sitting back down too as the TV faded back to the sportscasters, ready to give commentary on what they’d just seen. “I’m not as bad as Rhoe was. Remember the championship about ten years ago?”

Two years before he died.

But Aelin chuckled slightly, remembering how enthusiastic her dad had been, how angry he’d been at the refs for bad calls, how happy he’d been when the Stags came out victorious.

They faded into silence, Aedion watching the TV and Aelin staring at nothing, falling deep into the trap of her own head once again.

It was a vicious place to be.

“Hey Aed?” She asked him, an uncountable amount of time later. “Do you ever think about them?”

She risked a glance over at him, seeing his face slip into sadness that she wished she could wipe away. But he looked back at her, too much knowing in his eyes for her. It made her want to hide.

“Of course,” he said, looping his arm over her shoulder, ruffling her hair a bit as he tucked her into his side. “All the time.”

Heat pricked at her eyes, and she blinked quickly before a tear could slip out. Their death had been so sudden, a simple car crash. Here one minute, gone the next, leaving her utterly alone.

“You know,” Aedion said, after another minute. “If you’re still struggling you can talk to me about it. I’m always here for you.” She looked up at him, seeing the honesty in his eyes.

Aelin had gone to therapy for a brief period of time after moving in with Aedion, when she was fifteen. It’d ended fairly quickly, but he’d always suggested that she could go back. Or at least recommended she keep an open mind.

Not that he even knew the depth of it now. Nor the heaps of things that’d been added onto her plate.

“I’m okay,” she lied, painting a small smile on her face. “But thank you for checking in.”

Aedion looked at her, and she tried to make her expression look more sincere. He sighed. “I love you, kid,” he said, and she made a noise of protest.

“Three years older, Aedion,” she said, “you’re only three years older.” He just laughed.

“And I will forever hold it against you,” he said, and it was her turn to sigh. But she rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly exhausted, and soon fell asleep to the dulcet sounds of football commentary, feeling both at home and like she was dropped in the middle of the ocean, drowning, with no way to swim to the surface.

———

A few days later, Rowan was mindlessly working on editing some photos in his apartment, when his email notification dinged.

He turned the screen away from Remelle’s face, pulling up the email tab instead and opening the email he’d just gotten. And groaned.

It was an invitation to an agency-wide formal party that Saturday, one he’d forgotten was happening. They’d all been alerted about it weeks ago, but Rowan had put it out of his mind, childishly hoping that if he just didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t happen.

Especially because his invitation was tagged with the words: Your presence is required. Take photos.

“Fuck,” he complained, dropping his head in a hand. He hated these things, hated how many there were. It seemed like every other week, there was some event he had to go to, doubling as a headshot photographer and an apparent publicist. Why shell out the money for two different workers when they could just overwork him?

His cousins used to make fun of him endlessly for how little he liked socialization, always refusing to go out with them after he'd moved in with them when his parents died. People were just either idiots, or prying assholes, or just obnoxious. He wasn’t a fan of going out and partying with a bunch of strangers; it’d either be with people he knew or not at all.

But now he’d be forced to socialize with a bunch of people like Remelle, who’d been texting him incessantly for the past week. Rowan tried to put her off, responding with one word or not at all, but she was persistent. And he didn’t want to block her completely, even if every text alert he got made him want to throw his phone off a roof.

Did he even have a suit? He’d have to check.

He had one from the last formal event he’d been forced to, but he wasn’t sure if it fit anymore. He’d upped the amount of times he went to the gym to lift recently, trying to get out all of his negative emotions through exercise.

Rowan was about to close out of his email and go check, when his eyes caught on another email he’d apparently missed earlier in the day. Right there in bold was the title:

The Rifthold Institute of Photography

His heart raced as he clicked it to open it, leaning back in his seat as he read the email.

He’d seen a post for a position there a few months ago, and had applied, but never heard anything back. The Institute was a museum of photography of sorts, with a magazine that they released monthly. The job he was trying to get would be an editor/contributor for the magazine, which would mean he would get to both help put the magazine together while also submitting his own pictures for consideration.

It was really his dream job. But when months passed and he hadn’t heard back, he’d given up.

But here they were.

“Dear Mr. Whitethorn,” he started to read, skimming through it. “...haven’t picked a candidate yet… narrowed down to three, we request you submit a portfolio for further consideration, keeping to the theme organic.”

It was mostly just details after that, about how to submit, how many pictures to submit, and he skimmed it all before leaning back in his chair as he read the due date.

Three weeks from now.

He released a heavy breath, nodding his head.

“You’ve got this, Rowan,” he whispered to himself, before standing up and grabbing his camera, abandoning the photos he was editing in favor of going outside to take his own.

He needed to get inspiration somehow, he needed to start planning.

Why not start now?

---------

Aelin was in the middle of a pilates workout when she got the email. It wasn’t anything she didn’t know about already, in fact she’d already had her gown specially designed and ordered, but it was nice to get confirmation that it was actually happening.

She paused the workout as she read the email, panting with sweat dripping down her forehead. The perky girl on the TV was mid crunch, but Aelin didn’t press play again, choosing instead to sit up fully on her yoga mat.

She grabbed her water bottle from next to her, guzzling at least half of it down before wiping the excess water off her chin. Uncurling her legs, she pushed herself to a stand, way too quickly apparently as her vision dimmed, her head spinning and her legs buckling from beneath her.

She crumpled back down onto the yoga mat, hands braced on the floor as she caught her breath, trying to inhale and exhale slowly until she regained control over her muscles.

Slowly but surely, the dizzy feeling went away, and she stood up, ignoring how her hands shook as she picked up her phone and headed into her closet. Well, the room that was her closet.

Maybe she should take a break from exercising, and go check out her dress instead. She pushed the hair that came out of her ponytail behind her ear as she walked into the room, sniffing as she reached the garment bag hanging up on the far wall.

Wiping her hands on her shorts, she got rid of the lingering sweat before unzipping the bag, fingering the dark green fabric inside.

It looked just as perfect as it had the day she’d first gotten it; she didn’t know what she was checking.

Everything would be perfectly fine, there was no need to worry.

If only that were always true.

---------

Maeve had sent a limo for her to get to the building for the gala. Which was useful, because Aelin didn’t have a car, nor did she have a license.

She lived in the city, she could walk everywhere she needed to go.

But she was grateful for the limo, because walking in these shoes would’ve been hell, which she knew as soon as she stepped out of the car, the five inch stilettos pinching painfully as she walked toward the door.

It was worth it though. She looked fucking good.

Her hair was swept up into a sleek updo, her golden locks shining with the bit of glitter her stylist had put in them. Her dark green dress was silky and wrapped around her curves modestly, but with a neckline that plunged all the way to her waist, leaving her sun tanned skin on display.

The skirt had a slit too, revealing her smooth legs with every step she took.

It got everyone’s attention when she got inside, drawing both male and female’s gazes alike, exactly the way she loved to. She was a model, she enjoyed knowing people found her attractive. They could look, but they certainly weren’t entitled to touch.

Though some people thought they were.

She pasted a small smile on her face as she made her way over to the drinks, grabbing a glass of champagne to sip. The lobby had been transformed into some Hollywood movie scene, with dimmed lights and golden decor and overflowing tables of drinks and food.

It was honestly excessive, but they had the money for it. Aelin knew just her percentage alone would be able to pay for all of this, let alone hers combined with all of the other models in the agency.

She took a sip of the champagne, meandering around the room.

There were a lot of people here, but none she wanted to talk to. And none of them wanted to talk to her. One of the negatives of success in this industry was the jealousy it bred among girls who thought they should be right where you are. It was only fed by the people higher up, pitting them against each other. Aelin was well aware, but it didn’t change the fact that she was generally left alone.

There was a string quartet playing music in the corner, and she unconsciously swayed to it a bit, bobbing her head in time with the violins as she wandered around to a different corner, looking for something to do.

And then she saw Rowan.

He was standing against another wall, fidgeting with that camera of his. Apart from that, and the dark expression on his face, he blended right in with the party in his suit and white button up shirt, and a dark green tie that unfortunately perfectly matched her dress.

He looked like a guest, not an employee, though she knew Maeve made him take photos during events like these.

Finally finding something to do, Aelin set her feet toward him, heading in his direction. Arguing with him would be perfect entertainment.

Or maybe she could ask him how he made those green beans. Even if she’d eaten way too many of them, if she could learn the recipe and make them herself, she could eat them sparingly throughout the week.

Aelin could tell the exact moment he saw her coming, because he stiffened slightly, his eyes narrowing at her approach.

She hated to admit it, but he looked good. His light hair was tousled perfectly, his tan skin and that tattoo of his peeking slightly out of the collar of his shirt. She wasn’t necessarily a tattoo person, but on him it was mouthwatering.

“Shall I pose for you?” She mocked, and he rolled his eyes, fidgeting with some buttons on his camera.

“Don’t you have enough photos of yourself?” Rowan asked, lifting up his camera to snap a picture of the crowd, the way the lens fluttered so familiar to her.

“Is that possible?” Aelin replied, lifting her brows. “Especially when I look as good as I do now.”

He turned his dark gaze back to her, and she swore she could physically feel it as his eyes traced up and down her entire body, her breath stuttering in her chest involuntarily.

“You always look like this,” he said, and she narrowed her eyes, her heels clicking as she took a step toward him.

“Do I, Rowan Whitethorn?” She asked, tilting her head, but he continued to ignore her, his jaw clenched tightly as he took another picture.

“I don’t pay enough attention to you to notice,” he said after a moment, “get your fulfillment from one of your millions of followers on instagram instead, because you won’t get anything from me.”

And then she was watching him walk away, his camera hooked around his neck as he went to find someone else to terrorize from behind the lens.

The rest of the party went by dreadfully slowly after that, and with each sip of champagne, she got angrier and angrier at him. At his sheer audacity. So what, they didn’t like each other, but did he have to be like that?

No, fuck him.

Soon enough, she knew her cheeks with flushed with alcohol and rage, and she was searching for him again, so she could show him a piece of her mind. But he wasn’t anywhere in the main lobby, so she had to go looking, heading down different hallways in her heels, desperately looking for him to rage at.

He was always an asshole, but this time for some reason, to her it was crossing a line.

Weaving her way back through the lower floor hallways, Aelin ignored the way her feet ached in her heels, desperately searching for this godsdamned man. And eventually she found him, wrapped around another blonde.

He was further down the hallway, his camera bag on the ground and his back against the wall, the blonde leaning up against him.

She narrowed her eyes but slowed down, not wanting to intrude on whatever this was.

“Come on,” she heard the blonde say, faintly from the far distance. “You know you want to.”

“I told you to leave me alone, Remelle,” came Rowan’s voice, and Aelin saw him try to carefully pry Remelle’s hands away from his chest. “I’m not interested.”

“Of course you are,” Remelle said, “just admit it.”

“Remelle-” Rowan said, but he was cut off by the blonde kissing him, which made Aelin see red so much she was stomping over there, lifting up her dress so she wouldn’t trip on the hem.

“Hey!” She shouted, and Remelle pulled back, both of them looking over at her in shock. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you not understand the meaning of the word no?”

Remelle just scoffed, showing a lot of nerve for someone who’d clearly just started out here. Aelin had never seen her fucking face in her life.

“And who are you?” Remelle said, raising her pale brows, and Aelin narrowed her eyes, sinking into a hip.

“I’m Aelin Galathynius,” she said, watching as the other girl’s face paled. Even if Remelle had somehow managed to never see her face, she would know her name. And how important she was. “And you better leave Rowan alone, and every other man you’ve tried to touch without their permission, otherwise I’ll have a little chat with Maeve and see if she’s still interested in taking you on.”

Remelle’s face tightened in challenge, but she didn’t dare to respond, clearly seeing that Aelin meant what she was saying.

“Now get the fuck out of here before I decide to go talk to her right now.” Aelin gestured out of the hallway, not saying another word until Remelle followed her instruction, with as much dignity as she could manage, which wasn’t a lot.

Eventually, her and Rowan were alone, and she looked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. No one should ever touch someone without their permission; she felt shaky at the thought.

But Rowan… looked angry.

“What’s your problem?” She decided to ask, set on edge by the way his jaw was clenched. And maybe her first thought shouldn’t have been how handsome he looked when he was mad. “I just saved your ass.”

“I don’t need your help,” he spat, and she recoiled, tensing at the challenge.

“You sure looked like you did,” Aelin argued, stepping closer, “or was that all part of your plan to woo her? Because that’s a little fucked up.”

“Gods,” he cursed, “you’re so godsdamned irritating.” He pushed off the wall, stepping toward her too. “Why do you have to always be so… important?” She let out an indignant noise. “My savior, my hero, when really, you’re just a pain in my ass.”

“Oh really?” She questioned, narrowing her eyes and taking one more step. “Well, you’re just the same to me,” she said, with equal vitriol, trying to ignore the way his breath felt against her face as he huffed.

It was only then she realized just how close they were, how there were only inches between them. How if she lifted her head just enough, and he lowered his just enough, their lips would be touching.

The hot anger in her stomach melded into something different, and the flush on her cheeks was no longer from the alcohol as he seemed to realize the same thing, his dark gaze dropping down to her lips.

She dared to lift her chin, her breaths coming out heavy as heat raced through her. Rowan dipped his chin in response, closing the distance until the edges of their lips just grazed past each other, their breaths mingling. One little inch and they’d be kissing, but neither of them made the move.

Heavy hands settled on her hips, and she had just enough time to clutch at his shoulders before he was taking a step forward, guiding her until she was against the wall. His head dropped down to press a hot kiss to the underside of her jaw, and she made a breathy noise, feeling hot all over.

Her eyes fell closed, and she clutched at his collar, warmth pooling in her core as he stepped closer, letting her feel every hard inch of him against her. One of his hands slid across her stomach and down her thigh, reaching for her exposed leg and holding it up to step in even closer.

His other hand moved until it was brushing the skin exposed by the neckline of her dress, sliding up her stomach until it reached the bare skin right under her breasts, his callouses rough against her.

Gods, she didn’t think she’d ever been this turned on in her life.

His attention returned to her neck, even as his fingers dug into her, undoubtedly leaving little marks. And her breath hitched as he placed hot, wet kisses down her throat, finally settling on the junction of her neck and shoulder, daring to nibble slightly.

An embarrassingly loud moan escaped her, but the groan he let out against her took all embarrassment away and she reached to loosen his tie, sliding her hands under the collar of his shirt to feel all of his deliciously hot skin.

The room felt damp with desire, sweat undeniably coating her body with all of the heat racing through her. Her core throbbed with need as he pressed against her, the friction between them both delectable and overwhelming.

She needed him, she needed him right now. She needed the clothes to be gone, she needed him holding her roughly against the wall as he slid into her, making her feel like she’d never felt before.

He dragged his tongue against the sweaty skin of her neck, and she couldn’t hold herself back anymore.

“Rowan,” she moaned, clutching him desperately, hoping he’d take the hint to do more. But instead, he pulled back roughly, shaking his head.

“Shit,” he cursed, his hands clenching into fists.

“What -”

“No, we can’t,” was all he said while shaking his head, before quickly fixing his tie and combing his hair. And before she could even blink, he scooped up his camera from the ground and nearly ran away, leaving her cold. And wanting.

And regretting every bit of that moment as much as him.

----------

Several days passed, and yet Rowan couldn’t get that damned moment out of his head. He couldn’t forget the way Aelin’s skin had felt under his finger tips, the way her throat had felt against his mouth, the way her body had melded to his.

He’d let himself go for those few minutes, and he regretted it, but he couldn’t help it with how she’d looked in that dress. She was always stunning, but that night she’d been ethereal, and mouthwatering, and way too damn much for his self control.

And the way she’d moaned his name… he wanted nothing more than that to rid both of them of all their clothes and see what other sounds he could make, but he also knew this was clearly a heat of the moment thing.

Yes, she was attractive, but that didn’t mean he should forget every single other thing about her.

He needed some actual self control.

Soon enough though, he found something else to occupy his mind other than the lingering scent of jasmine in his nose. The portfolio.

He still had over two weeks, but the clock was ticking and he still had nothing to show for the days he’d been brainstorming.

So much so that he was fighting the urge to stay home and work instead of going out to dinner with Lorcan and Elide like he was supposed to. But while he knew Lorcan would understand, he also knew Elide would have his head if he skipped again.

Lorcan was his oldest friend, and Elide was the first one of his current friend group he was introduced to, so he felt closer to them two than anyone else. Maybe he could talk out his situation with them, see what they’d say.

The portfolio situation though, not the Aelin situation. No, that was to be kept locked up tight, and blamed on the champagne and the stress, nothing more.

That’s how he found himself walking down 4th avenue a few hours later, hands tucked in his pockets until he reached the restaurant, ducking in and quickly finding the pair sitting down already.

“Hey,” Rowan said a bit lamely, plopping into the chair across from them.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Elide questioned, immediately gauging something was wrong. Lorcan just grunted a hello, sipping on his drink.

“Work stuff,” Rowan tried to dismiss, but Elide just raised a dark brow. He sighed. “I have a big job opportunity but I need a portfolio prepared and I have no inspiration for the theme they’re giving me.”

“Hmm,” she said, nodding her head. “What’s the theme?”

“Organic,” he said, raising his brows. “It’s really vague, which is useful sometimes but now it just leaves me with nothing.”

Elide leaned back in her chair, stirring her straw in her drink as she thought. They sat in silence as they all contemplated, letting the rock music of the dive bar take over. Rowan just ran through the same ideas he’d already thought of in his head over and over, finding the same faults yet again.

“What about a series of candids?” Elide finally piped in. “I’m no photographer, but that would be organic. You could keep it in the same day, or same event, to keep it consistent. But just to show an organic slice of humanity.”

Rowan considered the thought for a moment before nodding. “That could work,” he said, running through logistics in his head. Even if it didn’t, it was worth a shot. “Who would they be of though?” He asked, thinking it was a reasonable question, but Elide snorted.

“You act like we don’t know a professional model,” she said, and his stomach dropped.

“She won’t want to,” he said automatically, shaking his head. That would be unbearably awkward after what had happened. They’d only seen each other once at the office since then, and it was horrible, he couldn’t imagine spending a whole day with just her.

No, he couldn’t.

But Elide clearly thought differently.

“I’ll convince her,” she said, waving off his concern. “Don’t worry.”

Little did she know, that’s exactly what he was going to do.

---------

The universe seemed to be playing a trick on her, forcing her to stop exercising nearly every day in favor of some all important notification.

She was in the middle of her morning run, about to hit a new record of six miles, when she got the email. At first, she didn’t understand what it was, but after slowing the treadmill down to a walk so she could focus on it better, she figured it out.

Ms. Galathynius,

It’s a pleasure to be working with you again after so long. I’m personally very excited to get the opportunity to see your progress after all of these years, and am certainly glad to be able to say I contributed to catapulting your career.

After all, where would you be without me?

Attached is a document detailing more information about the shoot itself: what you’ll be expected to provide versus what we’ll give you, as well as the general schedule and the plan for the day.

Feel free to email my secretary with any questions you may have.

Arobynn Hamel

Aelin’s chest felt too tight as she finished reading, and she quickly shut her phone off and started the treadmill back up, putting the pace even faster than it had been before. Maybe she could run away from the feelings attempting to snatch her and drag her down into hell.

He was either pretending it’d never happened and acting like everything was fine, or attempting to subtly use his power over her yet again.

Either way, she felt sick.

She fought for air as she turned up the speed on the treadmill, her legs shaking and jolting with pain as she ran like her life depended on it.

“Fuck,” she cursed breathlessly, realizing only then that tears were soaking her face. Was this what it was going to be like? Her constantly feeling like shit but never being able to acknowledge it?

Was she supposed to walk into that building, stare him in the face, and pretend just like he was that nothing was wrong?

She let out a sob, wiping at her cheek roughly as she kept running. Maybe she’d run herself to death and never have to speak to him. Would that be better?

It would be easier.

She was reaching the verge of her legs falling off completely, when her phone buzzed. She hesitated for a second, but reached for the device, reading the text alert on the screen.

It was from Elide.

> Rowan needs a model for a job application

> I told him you’d do it

> and before you say no, you owe me for last week

Aelin groaned, sufficiently distracted as she shut off the treadmill. Elide was a kick ass lawyer, and had come to help her look over her new contract for the agency after her last one was due to expire.

She hadn’t accepted any payment, just innocuously called for a favor instead. Neither of them had expected her to cash it in, but here she was.

A photo shoot with Rowan. Fuck.

That would be hellish after what had happened between them.

But at least it was modeling. If she was good at anything it was that. And Rowan was professional enough when he needed to be.

And if this was really for a job application, he was sure to take it seriously, given how much she knew he hated the job he currently had.

He disguised it well enough at the agency, but everyone knew. Maybe that was why Maeve piled on the work, out of spite.

She sighed, stepping off of the treadmill. But her knees buckled and she fell to the ground. And instead of trying to get back up, she just sat there, thinking.

A photoshoot with Rowan. There’s no telling how it could go. She wouldn’t be surprised if it devolved into an argument, but she also wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up in his bedroom, picking up where they left off the other day.

She picked up her phone, flipping to a contact that she didn’t think she’d ever texted directly. But she typed in his number, typing in the word Hey and sending it to him.

Hate or lust, it could go either way. But she supposed they were about to find out.

-----------

Rowan was fidgeting with his camera when the knock on the door sounded. It was light, but direct, like the person making it was sure this was where they were supposed to be, but didn’t know if they wanted to be there.

He felt the same way.

Regardless, he loosed a sigh and stood up, getting ready to welcome Aelin into his home.

When he pulled open the door, there she was, standing there as regal as ever. She was dressed more casually than usual, in loose jeans and a tank top, though they fit her slim body well.

Her hair was pulled back in a clip, some strands falling out in the front. She had sparse makeup on, no concealer to cover up as she blushed slightly, glancing away from him.

He felt like blushing too, but cleared his throat instead, holding the door open for her to come on.

Aelin walked in carefully, her gaze traveling around the small apartment. Neither of them spoke as she observed the place, Rowan rubbing at the back of his neck as he waited for her judgment. She’d never been here before.

“Did you take all of these yourself?” She asked, wandering over toward one of the walls, where he had a display of yes, his own photographs. Maybe it was conceited of him, but he was proud of his talent.

“Yes,” he answered, dragging a hand through his hair as he shut the door and turned to lean against it awkwardly.

Aelin seemed fixated on one in particular, of a tree from an angle right by the trunk looking up, catching the way rain streamed through the leaves.

“Where was this one taken?” She asked, tilting her head to look at it.

“The park downtown,” Rowan answered, walking over to her slowly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been there,” she replied, and he was honestly a bit surprised. She’d lived here for almost a decade, he was pretty sure, and she’d never been there? But she shocked him even more when she said, “It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” he said, flushing a bit at the out of the blue compliment. She stared at it for another minute before seemingly coming to her senses, clearing her throat and looking at him, her hand tight on the bag hooked over her shoulder.

“So,” she said, not looking directly into his eyes. “I don’t know what you were thinking clothes wise, but I brought some different options.” She moved toward the couch, perching on the edge as she took out a folded stack of clothes from her bag. “But I also don’t really know what we’re doing.”

Rowan moved to sit in the chair next to the couch, trying to explain his vision.

“I don’t know how much Elide explained,” he said, leaning forward on his knees, “but this is for an application to the Rifthold Institute of Photography.” Her brows shot up. “I need to make a portfolio with the theme organic, and Elide had the idea of doing candids, so -” he sucked in a breath, “I was thinking we could just… hang out. And I could take pictures throughout the day.”

It was only late morning, so they had all day to just - be around each other.

Aelin’s face was unreadable, but eventually she nodded slowly.

“In that case,” she said, reaching toward her pile and pulling out what looked to be a long white sundress. “Does this work? It’s the most comfortable thing if I’m to be wearing it all day.” It was said with a bit of a teasing tone, and he knew that was her method of trying to offer a cease fire, which he reluctantly agreed to.

“That’s perfect,” he said, chuckling a bit, and she smiled, standing up off the couch.

“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked, and headed toward it when he pointed to the guest one in the hallway.

While she was changing, Rowan grabbed his camera bag, switching out the SD card and packing an extra just to make sure he had enough storage. He hadn’t planned out what places he wanted to go all day, but he had an idea of where he wanted to start.

----------

“So where are we going?” Aelin asked him, about twenty minutes later, as they walked down the sidewalk after having left his apartment. Rowan had one hand in his pocket, the other one on his camera bag, and just smiled lightly. He had another bag slung over his shoulder too, but he didn’t need that one yet.

“That’s a surprise,” he said, and she scoffed, lifting her sunglasses and resting them on her head, her lips twisted into a pout. Rowan chuckled under his breath, unclipping the bag to take out his camera.

After looking down to make sure the settings were right, he lifted it up, turning to the left slightly to snap a picture of her. But Aelin caught what he was doing, and turned to smile at the camera, giving her signature model face.

“Ah,” he said, moving the camera. “Candid, remember? Pretend I’m not even here.”

The dismal expression on her face made him want to laugh, and he lowered the camera completely, resolving to try again and catch her when she really wasn’t paying attention.

Eventually she clicked her tongue and didn’t press the issue, clutching her purse to her arm as she walked down the sidewalk by his side. They were getting closer and closer to their destination, and Rowan watched her out of the corner of his eyes, waiting for her reaction.

And a strange, uncomfortable feeling grew in his chest as he saw her face light up in a delighted smile, though she dimmed it quickly, as if afraid of what he’d say.

That was fair, they hated each other no more than a few days ago. He still hated her, right?

Nothing had changed, and yet everything had changed.

“It’s the park,” she said, glancing over at him cautiously, and he nodded, the corner of his lips lifting up slightly. And he patted the second bag he was carrying.

“We’re going to have a picnic,” he said, and her brows shot up. But she just followed him as he took her toward the very tree he’d photographed.

She seemed to recognize it, smirking a bit as he set out a blanket. “No rain this time?” She asked, and he let out a huff of a laugh.

“Luckily no,” he said, sitting down a bit uncomfortably on the hard ground, his legs out in front of him. Aelin curled up gracefully next to him, the skirt of her dress floating down softly around her.

He didn’t have much food to bring with him, but he unpacked a few cut up sandwiches, and a tupperware container of grapes. Like a grade school kid’s lunch.

“What a feast,” she said, and he frowned, prepared to defend himself, but she was smiling. He realized it was a joke and he relaxed, though a bit unfamiliar still with this comradery.

It wouldn’t last.

But for now, he just enjoyed the sunshine and the fresh air and the food, and after a few minutes he took out his camera again, finally snapping the very first picture of what would hopefully be his new life.

----------

Aelin absolutely adored Rowan Whitethorn’s apartment.

It was a strange thing to say, and completely random, but it was true.

She’d thought it when she’d entered only that morning. It was quaint, and fairly small, but decked out in a vintagey 70s style almost, with a record player of his own in the corner and a jewel toned comfortable couch. And his photographs… she could spend hours just staring at them. He was truly talented.

And now, late in the evening with the soft bar lighting on, a vinyl crackling on the record player, two glasses of whiskey and monopoly in front of her, she thought she would be fine if she stayed here forever.

She laughed as Rowan rolled the dice, his little statue moving until he landed on the go to jail square for the fourth time this game.

“Sucker!” She pointed, giggling a bit. Alright, maybe she was on her third glass of whiskey. But she wasn’t going to stop. She felt all warm and fuzzy inside, and Rowan even let her smile brightly at the camera this time as he snapped yet another picture.

And then it was her turn to roll, and she moved the little dog statue four squares to the right, clapping in delight when she realized it was free to buy. “I’ll take it!” She said, reaching for her giant stack of fake bills.

She cackled as Rowan rolled again, hoping to get doubles, but failed, leaving him stuck in jail for another turn.

“Just pay to get out,” she advised, waving at the meager stack of funds on his side of the board.

“I don’t have enough,” he said, and he sounded so miserable, she nearly wanted to cry.

“Aww,” she said instead, pouting at him and reaching for her money. “Here,” she added, pulling out a couple of hundreds and flinging them out at him. “You have to properly compete with me.”

He didn’t take the money, but he did grab his camera again, and she fluttered the paper bills in front of her face, looking at him demurely.

When they’d returned to his apartment after the picnic, a quick stint in a bookstore and coffee shop, and then a brief walk through downtown, she’d changed out of her dress into a comfortable sweater and leggings, fuzzy socks on her feet.

She’d never been this dressed down around him, but she didn’t feel uncomfortable.

He’d changed too, into a soft looking t-shirt and sweatpants, and was lounging on the rug with her, sipping on his whiskey just like she was. She didn’t think he was quite as tipsy as her though; he had a lot more mass to absorb the alcohol.

“Do you want some dessert?” He asked as he uncurled himself to a stand, breaking her thoughts. “I have some gluten free muffins I made the other day.”

She wrinkled her nose, for a multitude of reasons. “That’s a sorry excuse for dessert,” she said, all high and mighty. Besides, she’d already splurged too much today. She’d nibbled on the sandwiches earlier, and some grapes, and then had shared a pastry with him at the cafe, and even ate a few pieces of chicken for dinner an hour or so ago. She couldn’t afford any more.

Her mood sank to the gutter nearly immediately, and in an attempt to stave it off she hopped to her feet, heading toward the bottle of whiskey on the counter.

Twirling on her feet a bit, she poured herself another glass, relishing in the burn as she took a sip.

But a little dizzy at the same time, she decided it was best to sit down, plopping down on one of the barstools by the counter. Rowan grabbed his camera and came to join her, abandoning the “dessert”. What a health nut.

She didn’t eat it anymore, but at least she knew what actual dessert was.

Her chest clenched painfully, and she forced a smile onto her face, trying to keep the light mood of the evening going. Or night, really. The sun had long gone down, and yet, she was still here.

“Are you happy with your life?” She asked Rowan quietly, swirling the whiskey in her glass. He eyed her carefully.

“I would say so, generally,” he replied.

“What does that feel like?” She asked, her voice way too vulnerable, and she forced a laugh, avoiding his questioning eyes. “Just in case I decide to quit and move in to sleep on your absurdly comfortable couch, I have to figure out if it’d be worth it.”

Rowan chuckled, and she was both relieved and kicking herself at the deflection. Why would he care?

Aelin took another too large sip of her whiskey, hiccuping a bit as a notification pinged on her phone. She looked down, wiping her mouth as she glanced at the email, her stomach sinking when she saw it was another update on the schedule for the shoot at Rifthold Fashion.

“What’s that?” Rowan asked from his place next to her, clearly seeing her expression falter, and she laughed once, humorlessly as she tucked her socked feet up on the barstool with her. He snapped another picture of her, curled up and casual, before letting her answer.

“A shoot at Rifthold Fashion,” she said, “with Mr. Arobynn Hamel himself.” She shook her head, gulping down some more of the burning alcohol.

Rowan’s face twisted in distaste. “I’ve always heard that guy was a bit of an asshole.” It was a surprising statement. He was a powerful figure in the fashion world; either you’d never met him and assumed he was fine, or you had and were unable to speak against him for one reason or another. She’d never heard anyone admit what the rumors around him actually were, especially so casually, so maybe that’s why she said what she did.

“He assaulted me when I was eighteen,” she said, almost relishing in the shock on his face as she let out a burst of hysterical giggles. The alcohol was racing way too quickly through her weakened body. “I’ve never told anyone that.” She shook her head, covering her trembling mouth with an equally shaky hand.

“Aelin-“ he said, his face white as a sheet.

“Oh gods,” she sighed, before laughing again. “It’s not funny,” she tried to convince herself. She knew it wasn’t, but it was better to laugh than to break down completely. “It’s pretty horrible actually. It was one of my first big shoots, and he cornered me in the dressing room and I-“

She looked at Rowan, though his figure was slightly blurry, filled with the sudden need to convince him.

“I didn’t know what to do,” she explained, “I didn’t want to be blacklisted, I was a nobody. I came from nothing, I was nothing, and I am nothing now.”

A sob burst out of her, and she quickly wiped at her face, her hand coming away soaking wet. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. She shook her head.

“Gods, I’m sorry,” she said, in between sobs, setting her drink down and weakly rubbing her face to try and stop her tears. “I look like a lunatic right now.” She was sure her mascara was leaking down her cheeks, hooking down under her jaw. She couldn’t look like this, she couldn’t look anything less than perfect.

She scrubbed at her face, using her nails to try and pry off the stains. But a large, warm hand grabbed hers, stopping her in her tracks.

“Hey,” Rowan said, softer than Aelin thought she’d ever heard him. His face wasn’t quite gentle, he wasn’t exactly a gentle person, but it was open, not hard. She sniffed, and closed her eyes as his other hand came up to cup her cheek, more tears spilling out of her closed lashes.

She’d never felt his touch on her skin like this before, with just comfort instead of desire, and she liked the way his callouses felt against her soft cheek. So different from someone else’s hands, hands she could still feel all over her, no matter how many showers she took, no matter how much she tried to starve herself, both trying to wreck the body he’d touched and trying to create a perfect one so he’d never have that power over her again.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, though she didn’t know what for.

“Don’t apologize,” he said, mirroring her own thoughts, and she cracked open her eyes, barely seeing him through the haze of tears and alcohol. His dark green eyes were as mesmerizing as they’d always been, yet more sincere than they’d ever been.

Aelin couldn’t even say anything; all she did was lift her hand to cover his own, holding it against her face.

He’d abandoned the camera, while before he’d been taking pictures every few minutes. She wondered what it must be like to live your life behind a lens. Was it better keeping that distance? Or was it lonely?

Though she supposed she lived her life in front of a lens, and there was nothing more isolating than that.

Another rebellious tear slipped out of her eye, and she sniffed again.

“Let me get you some water, okay?” Rowan offered, pulling back, and she nodded, wiping at her face as he stood up and went into the kitchen, grabbing her a glass. “Do you want to stay here tonight? I don’t really feel comfortable sending you home this late, and in this state.” He waved at her, and she chuckled slightly.

“What state do you mean?” She challenged, laughing again weakly at his flustered expression. “I’m just joking,” she amended, “you’re probably right.”

She looked at him a bit shyly. “Do you have anything I can wear? I get hot when I sleep and I don’t have anything comfortable besides this sweater.” was

Rowan blinked but nodded quickly, heading toward the back hallway. He returned with an old t-shirt, not too unlike the one he was wearing now. It was a soft, dark green material, and she had the feeling she’d never want to take it off.

“Does this work?” He asked, and she nodded, standing up off the barstool. But the third whiskey was hitting her and she wobbled, forcing him to hurry over and steady her. His hand was warm and strong on her arm and she was tempted to lean into him, but she didn’t.

Aelin giggled a bit, making Rowan chuckle as well.

“Gods,” he teased, “I think you’re ready for bed.” She giggled again, nodding as she stumbled over her feet.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” she said, fighting a yawn. But he shook his head.

“No, you can take the bed, I’ll stay out here on the couch.” He didn’t give her a chance to argue, just heading toward a closet in the hallway and pulling out a blanket and pillow. Aelin shuffled into the bathroom, quickly changing out of her bulky sweater and leggings into the absurdly soft t-shirt he’d given her.

It fell nearly to her knees, and completely dwarfed her, and she decided she never wanted to wear anything else.

When she left the bathroom, Rowan was getting the couch ready for himself, laying out the blanket, so she headed toward his bedroom, cheeks flushing at the thought of sleeping in his bed. But she was dreadfully tired. So she just wandered into the room, collapsing on top of the comforter.

She was content to stay there, breathing in the warm scent of pine, but Rowan knocked on the open door a few minutes later, and upon seeing her sprawled out on top of the bed, chuckled and came over to help her get more comfortable.

“Here you go,” he said, after tucking her under the comforter. She mumbled and tugged the blanket up closer to her chin, burrowing herself in his scent. “Good night, Aelin,” Rowan said, heading back toward the door. But a bit of panic shot through her.

“Rowan?” She asked quietly, and he paused, looking back at her. “Will you stay? Just for a little bit?”

He hesitated, but eventually padded over to the other side of the bed, sitting down and leaning against the headboard. His hand came out to brush against her hair, and she leaned into the touch, yawning.

“I’m sorry about everything that’s happened to you,” he murmured a few minutes later, “about everything you’ve gone through.”

“S’okay,” she mumbled, “don’t apologize.”

“If there’s anything I can do I-” he said, before trailing off. Aelin shrugged, before a thought occurred to her.

“Will you come to the shoot with me?” She asked, her voice ringing through the darkened room. She’d feel better if he was there. Rowan didn’t respond for a few minutes, and she began to regret even asking. But then-

“Of course,” he said quietly, and she relaxed, her eyes fluttering closed as he caressed her hair. “Now, get some rest, Aelin. I’ll see you in the morning.”

And to the soothing sounds of his voice and the touch of his hand, she fell asleep.

------

Rowan didn’t know what exactly had happened, but that night caused him and Aelin to go from unwilling acquaintances to something close to friends. He didn’t know if it was quite friendship, but there’d been a change. A change that meant she smiled at him quietly at the office instead of flicking him off.

And yet, every time he saw her he couldn’t help but picture that unbearable sadness that had cracked through her facade. The way she’d laughed to try and hide the tears, but they’d streamed down her face anyway.

It seemed there was a lot he didn’t know about her. And he was realizing now that he was happy to get the privilege of learning more.

He’d also decided that should he ever meet Arobynn Hamel, the man would be lucky to walk away with just a black eye.

Though he supposed he would be meeting him, since he’d agreed to go to the shoot with her. He didn’t regret the decision, but he had the feeling that she would, and would eventually tell him to just leave her alone.

He wouldn’t blame her, after everything he’d said to her throughout the years.

But he’d worry about that when it came.

For now, though, it was time for drinks.

They were all meeting again at The Stag, and Rowan had headed over there directly after work, having to stay late to catch up on some editing that he’d missed out on doing because of the day spent with Aelin. He’d also begun editing some of the photos of her, and was feeling pretty confident about how the portfolio was coming together.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know this already, but she was incredibly photogenic.

Just then, she waltzed through the doors of the bar, ten minutes late like always, and plopped down gracefully on the barstool just opposite of him, winking when she caught him looking. He couldn’t help his faint blush.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” her best friend, Lysandra said, and Aelin laughed melodically, shrugging.

“Like I’ve said multiple times before, you’re lucky I showed up.” She shocked him by snatching his drink and taking a large sip from it. But it seemed they shocked the rest of the group by his lack of response.

Just a few days ago he would’ve snapped some hateful comment at her, but now he just raised his brows and leaned back in his chair.

“As long as you go get me another one when you finish it,” was all he said, and she smiled at him slyly.

“We’ll see,” Aelin said, and he could tell they were being stared at.

“What’s going on?” Fenrys finally said, and Rowan and Aelin both looked over at him. “Are we in an alternate universe?”

“I can’t be in a good mood?” Rowan joked, and the blonde man half scoffed half laughed.

“Good mood? Rowan?” He said, “those two do not go together.”

“Maybe just not around you,” Aelin pointed out, sipping on Rowan’s drink, and Fenrys looked very affronted, making Rowan chuckle.

“I’m so confused right now,” Aedion chimed in this time, looking back and forth between the pair. “Do you two have an inside joke?”

“Stranger things have happened,” Aelin said loftily, and her cousin narrowed his eyes at her. Rowan chuckled again, though his smile faded into a groan when his phone buzzed. He didn’t even bother checking it, knowing who it was.

Remelle.

Even after Aelin had so spectacularly demeaned her at the gala, the woman wouldn’t leave him alone. And he’d tried blocking her, but then she started contacting him through email, which his was publicly available for anyone in the agency, and he couldn't exactly block that since it was for work, so he’d unblocked her number so his inbox wouldn’t get spammed and make him miss an actually important email.

Rowan shut off his phone through his pocket, and found Aelin’s eyes on him when he looked back up, questioning what was wrong. He just waved her off, and she let it go. This was his annoying burden to bear, he wouldn’t try to stack his own emotional baggage on top of her already way too heavy load. If anything, he should be taking weight from her.

“Not in this friend group,” Aedion added, and Rowan couldn’t help but feel like their insistence against this happening meant that it was so ridiculous it would fall apart regardless. Fragile things were way too easily broken.

And he had the feeling like this tenuous friendship wouldn’t quite survive a fall.

------

Aelin didn’t know if she should be embarrassed or not by the revelation she’d placed on Rowan’s shoulders. But she couldn’t help but not be.

She’d never shared it with anyone else, still didn’t know whether she should or not, definitely didn’t know what to do about it, but he’d taken all of that chaos with ease, and comforted her while she fell apart.

She didn’t deserve it.

Maeve emphasized it when she walked into her office that morning, receiving a stern warning of You aren’t communicating your gratitude enough, to the Rifthold Fashion folks apparently. Aelin didn’t know what she was supposed to do about that.

She could lie and pretend to gush her heart out about being so “grateful” for the opportunity and run the risk of getting sick, or just stay silent. There really wasn’t much of a choice.

It was unfortunate too, because she knew most of the people at Rifthold Fashion couldn’t be like the boss was, and didn’t even know how toxic of an environment he created, but with him still there, all she could do was avoid the entire organization as much as possible.

But it was three days until she had to be heart in the heart of it.

She spun around in her chair, hooking her heel onto the desk in front of her to stop herself from spinning too far.

Her makeup was done sparsely, her hair smoothed back in a bun, ready to take a new headshot. She had to get a new one done every few years, especially at this stage of her life, as she did look quite a bit different than she did at eighteen.

But Rowan was currently in a shoot with someone else, so she had to wait her turn.

It was fine, she was scrolling through her social media on her phone, content to take a break from her constant go go go. Though she did need to workout when she got back home, her favorite pilates guru on youtube had a new video that was calling her name.

Aelin swung her foot like a pendulum, pulling herself back and forth slightly along the desk.

The walls were so shiny white they were basically mirrors, so she had a warning when she saw Remelle come up behind her.

“Remelle, darling,” Aelin said mockingly, turning the chair around to look at her. “What can I do for you?” She hadn’t seen the girl since the gala, nor did she really want to.

Remelle popped a hip, leaning into it slightly. “I just wanted to let you know that any day now, he’s going to get tired of you,” she said, and Aelin cocked a golden brow. “Just like the world is going to get tired of you, and realize there’s something better out there than a skanky bitch who slept her way to the top.”

Her blood ran cold.

“Report me to Maeve all you want,” Remelle continued, even though Aelin was sure her face was stoney, “at least I can fit in size zero jeans.”

And then she was walking away. Sauntering more like it, like she’d won something. Gods she was horrible, and Aelin barely even knew her, had only spoken to her twice.

But - she couldn’t deny that the girl had landed a few blows. The most pressing was the sleeping her way to the top rumor. Was that what people thought? Or was that just a random attack, hoping to hit the mark somewhere?

But the blow that ached to her core was the second remark. The one about her body. It shouldn’t bother her that much, but the worry was so ingrained in her that it did.

“Aelin?” Rowan’s voice called, the door to his little studio open, and she fixed her expression immediately, smiling at him as she headed in. “Everything okay?”

“Yep,” she said, but it was hollow. Just like her.

-------

Rowan shouldn’t be so happy to see Aelin back in his apartment, but the sight of her cozying up on the couch made his heart warm in a way that was disconcertingly unfamiliar.

She’d bounded in the front door as soon as he’d opened it, and crashed onto the couch, only sitting up when he’d come and joined her, his laptop in hand.

He’d spent all day finishing up the edits for the pictures, and had picked out the ones he thought melded in the most organic way. He was excited to show her. So he’d invited her over for the evening. He had dinner cooking in the oven, music on, his laptop up and ready to go… almost like a date night. The thought of that made his cheeks flush incomprehensibly. It was work, purely work.

In fact, it was probably what he was proudest of in his entire career. With the slight filters he’d put on the photographs, and the way he arranged them, it was like a thousand moments captured in one single frame. He’d have to thank Elide for the amazing idea.

“Are these the pictures?” Aelin asked, and he looked over at her, furrowing his brows when he saw she was looking away.

“Yes,” he said, “I think the portfolio is done, they’re ready to submit but I wanted to show you first.”

“It’s okay,” she said, shaking her head. “I trust you. I don’t need to see them.”

She stood up off the couch, meandering over to the record player. He watched her retreat, catching her back profile as she stared at the vinyl spinning around, an old jazz favorite of his. Something completely obscure that he’d never thought they’d have in common, but apparently they did.

“What do you mean?” Rowan dared to question, turning slightly on the couch. He heard her sigh crackle from all the way across the room.

“I don’t look at any of the pictures I take,” she said, before turning quickly to face him, an entirely fake smile on her pink painted lips. “Why bother, you know?” And then she was bounding away again, not giving him time to address that surprising statement.

“Do you have that t-shirt still?” She asked, heading into his room. “I’m going to steal it from you.”

He stared after her, dumbfounded, as she disappeared into his room, emerging a few minutes later wearing nothing but his t-shirt, like she’d said. Of course, it completely covered her, but still.

“What are you cooking?” She suddenly asked, changing direction and heading into the kitchen. Rowan could barely keep up with her manic energy. Something was clearly wrong.

She hadn’t been okay earlier either, despite her attempts to dissuade him. She’d smiled in her headshot like she was supposed to, but it hadn’t shined through her eyes.

“Aelin…” he said, trailing off, and she finally paused, glancing over at him, her face unreadable.

“Would it make you happy if I looked at them?” She asked, and he blinked.

“Would it make you happy?” He countered, and she pursed her lips and didn’t answer. But without another word, she slowly made her way back to the couch, sighing shakily and painting a small smile on her face.

“Let me see what kinda magic you made,” she teased, and he carefully pulled the pictures back up, while still watching her out of the corner of his eyes.

He slowly scrolled through the selection of them he’d made, gaze darting back between the screen and her reaction.

He’d put a specific filter on them, blurring them a bit to make them all look older, almost retro. Like they hadn’t been taken with an expensive ass camera, and instead with an old canon polaroid.

There were some of them out at the park, her smiling face glowing in the sunlight, some of them wandering through downtown, her hair flicked back over her shoulder as she laughed at him. There was one of his favorites, when they were in the cafe. She was holding a cup of coffee and looking out the window, her profile highlighted by the soft amber lighting.

Then of them back in his apartment, sitting across from him as they played monopoly, holding the cash in front of her face like a fan.

Her entire essence of being was radiating from each and every picture, and it was magnetizing. Not because of him, not because of his camera, but because of her.

But her brows were furrowed, her face scrunched in what looked like anxious confusion as she looked at them. His stomach dropped.

“Who is that?” She said, her voice so quiet he could barely hear it.

“What?” He asked, concern now filling his veins. Something wasn’t right.

Aelin just shook her head, pushing herself to a stand and retreating into the kitchen. “Your food is almost done,” she said, and Rowan set his laptop down carefully, following her over there.

Sure enough, the oven timer went off just as he got into the kitchen, and he grabbed the oven mit, taking out the pan of chicken and setting it on the stovetop.

“Smells good,” he said, looking over at her, but she just smiled weakly and went to sit down at the countertop. He took that as an offer to sit and eat, and he grabbed two plates, setting pieces of chicken on each and cutting them both, passing one to her.

Rowan grabbed a fork for her too, coming to sit in the seat next to her.

“Dig in,” he said, as she took the fork from him, and he speared a piece himself, nodding at the flavor. It turned out pretty good, not too dry, with the right amount of seasoning for the flavor palette he was going for.

In a few minutes he was already halfway through the plate, but when he glanced over, Aelin hadn’t eaten a single bite. She was just pushing pieces around with the fork, her mouth pinched.

“Come on,” he said, nudging her shoulder with his own. “Just try it.”

She glanced at him a little derisively, but picked up one tiny piece with her fork, considering for a moment before carefully putting it in her mouth. Rowan watched her expression as she chewed, satisfaction racing through him as her expression morphed into one of surprised delight.

“It’s good,” she nodded, grabbing another piece.

“Yeah?” He asked, and she nodded again, mouth full of chicken. He could only chuckle as she dug her way through the rest of the chicken, following suit on his own plate.

He watched her carefully as she ate, waiting until she was close to finishing before asking -

“Why don’t you look at any pictures of yourself?”

She paused, before swallowing the last piece of chicken and setting her fork down with a small clink.

“It doesn’t-” she sighed, looking up at nothing as she clearly fought with her words. “It just doesn’t - help.”

Rowan figured the words made sense to her, even if they didn’t to him, and he was waiting for her to say more, but her eyes dropped to her plate and her mouth stayed shut. A long moment passed, a million different expressions fluttering along her face, and the only noise was the faint jazz in the corner.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said quietly, standing up from the barstool quickly and heading toward the bathroom. She looked both in a rush, and looked like a ghost who’d walked this path a thousand times over a thousand centuries, and Rowan’s gaze followed her, frowning as the bathroom door closed with a quiet click.

He watched the closed door for a second before turning back to his chicken, chewing on another piece. But it turned to ash in his mouth, anxiety swirling in his gut the longer Aelin stayed in there.

He glanced back again, but nothing had changed.

A few minutes later, Rowan couldn’t fight the bad feeling inside of him anymore, and he stood up, heading toward the bathroom with the sound of his blood rushing through his ears. His heartbeat sped up, and with each step he debated if he wanted to keep going or if he wanted to retreat.

But something was telling him that something was wrong.

“Aelin?” He asked, rapping on the door with his knuckles. “Are you okay?”

No sound came through, and he waited one more minute, before slowly pushing on the handle, giving her time to protest before opening the door. But he stopped hesitating when he found her on her knees, sticking two fingers down her throat.

“Aelin!” He called out, kneeling down and reaching out for her. But it was too late as she retched into the toilet in front of her. The best he could do was hold her loose hair back, sighing heavily as she purged the chicken she’d just eaten.

All the pieces were coming together.

Why he never saw her eat; why if she did eat, she disappeared into the bathroom minutes later; why she exercised like her life depended on it; why she was so skinny. The fashion world was toxic, he knew that, but she’d always seemed so untouchable. So - so above it all.

Turns out, she was deep underwater, with no way to get to the surface.

Eventually she heaved for air, leaning over to rest her head against the wall. She looked back at him, her eyes watery as she wiped her mouth.

“I can’t do it, Rowan,” she breathed, shaking her head weakly. “I can’t.”

And his heart broke.

“Aelin,” he sighed, cupping her soft cheek with his hand. She just looked at him, as if afraid of what he’d say, but ready to defend her actions should he try to fight, so all he did was lean over and flush the toilet, before standing up and holding out a hand.

She eyed it warily, before grabbing it, letting him help her to a stand.

She stood there waiting as he grabbed a hand towel, turning on the faucet and getting the corner of it wet before turning to her. Slowly and carefully, he reached for her, holding her cheek with one hand as he used the other to dab at her mouth with the towel, cleaning up the last bit of throw up she’d missed.

Her eyes were on him, full of unreadable emotion as he set the towel back down. He reached under the counter for the bottle of mouthwash, setting it out for her to see.

“In case you want to get rid of the taste,” he teased gently, earning a breathy chuckle. He deemed that a success, and stepped aside as she stepped toward the sink, getting some mouthwash in the cup and gargling it before spitting it into the ceramic, washing it down with water from the faucet.

“Come on,” he said, nodding back toward the living room. “I’ll get you some water.”

Aelin nodded, following him as he left the bathroom. He let her curl up on the couch as he went into the kitchen, getting her a cup of water before heading back out to join her. She sipped on the water as he sat down next to her.

“Does anyone else know?” Rowan asked, and she shook her head.

“Maeve might,” she amended, before laughing sardonically, “though she encourages it. I was short of my weight loss goal for the month and got chewed out for it.”

Horror struck him.

“How much do you weigh?” He asked, having to know even if he didn’t want to. She tucked her face on her knees.

“110 pounds?” She said, almost like it was a question. His gut sank. “What?” She said, defensively. “It’s a perfectly normal weight.”

“If you’re about half a foot shorter than you are,” he insisted, massaging his temple with a hand. “When did it start?” He asked, and she laughed once, humorlessly again.

“Five years ago,” she said, “after my body stopped being mine alone. After it was ruined.”

Arobynn. In her mind, he’d ruined her. So why not ruin herself even more?

“And that’s why you won’t look at yourself?” He asked, and she shrugged.

“It sparks a lot of… behaviors I know aren’t good,” she admitted. “If I think I look bad in a picture I’ll spend another hour running on the treadmill, or I won’t eat for the rest of the day.” She sighed, burying her head in her knees. “I know it’s not healthy, but you have to understand, Rowan. The pressure. I screw up once, I don’t take care of my body for one day, and I end up losing everything that I’ve worked for for years.” Silence, before - “But everyone sees right through me anyway. And soon you will too.”

“This isn’t taking care of yourself,” he said, shaking his head. But she wasn’t looking at him. “Aelin.” She didn’t look at him. “Aelin.”

She finally looked over, her eyes nervous.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, putting enough insistence behind his voice to convince her. She blinked, a singular tear slipping down her raw cheeks. “I want you to know that. But most of all, I want you to be happy with who you are.”

“I don’t know how,” she said, her throat tight with unshed tears. “I look in the mirror and I hate what looks back.”

Rowan leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. He reached out and placed his hand on her cheek, and she closed her eyes.

They stayed there for a moment, sharing breaths and just sitting in the silence. He didn’t know how to help her, he didn’t know how to make her love herself. But maybe - just maybe - he could show her who she was through his eyes.

“Let me show you how stunning you are,” he breathed, his heart pounding as he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. A soft sigh escaped her and he took the encouragement, trailing down to kiss the underside of her jaw.

“Rowan,” she breathed, but remained still, inviting him to continue, yet self conscious at the same time. That wouldn’t do.

His hand slid from her cheek down to her arm, loosely guiding her to lay back against the couch. Slowly, he leaned down, pressing another kiss to her neck, relishing in the breathy gasp she let out. But he didn’t stay there for long, traveling down her throat and nipping at her collarbone. And then he shifted even farther, a hand settling on her waist, lifting up her shirt slightly to kiss her hip bone.

Her shirt had ridden up, revealing the smooth skin of her stomach, but instead of following the path it’d created, he moved to kneel off the couch. And then he reached for his camera, lying abandoned on the coffee table, holding it so Aelin could clearly see. Her head was turned to him, her golden hair spilling off the edge of the couch.

Kneeling in front of her, he lifted up the camera, seeing her face through the lens as he snapped a picture. The air between them was charged, his heart beating nearly out of his chest as he turned to catch a new angle, the edge of the t-shirt she was wearing, and the soft skin it revealed.

Then it was the lace edge of her underwear, and the curve of her hip to her thigh, then the smooth skin of her leg, propped up on the couch.

Slowly, keeping his eyes on her, he moved back over, and with one hand he slid her shirt up farther and caught a picture of just the shadow of her breasts revealed. She nodded, her heart visibly racing, and he pushed the shirt up farther, catching a picture of her bare chest.

“Gods, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered, helping her take off the shirt completely. She sniffed, and he looked up to meet her gaze, seeing her soulful blue eyes glistening with emotion. He couldn’t resist taking another picture, lacing his free hand with one of hers to press above her head on the couch.

“Kiss me,” she murmured, and how could he deny her?

He set aside the camera, before leaning down over her, finally capturing her lips in a heated, slow kiss. She tasted like heaven, and everything sweet he’d ever had the pleasure of enjoying, though he knew nothing could ever live up to the pleasure of this.

The kiss deepened, and Aelin hooked one of her legs over his back, pulling him in closer. He slid his free hand up her stomach, grabbing onto and massaging one of her breasts, earning a gaspy moan into his mouth.

He brushed his thumb over the peak, and her breath hitched again. He took the opportunity to nudge at one of her lips with his tongue, which she immediately accepted, opening her mouth for him to enter.

Her hand was squeezing his tightly, her heel digging into his lower back, and he broke their kiss only momentarily to take his shirt off, wanting to feel her bare skin against his. And when he leaned back down, he returned to her neck, pressing alternating slow and fast kisses, sucking and biting and probably leaving marks, but she didn’t seem to care if the way she was moaning was any indication.

Taking the hand from her breast, he dragged it down her stomach, toying with the edge of her underwear, teasing the sensitive skin there.

“Can I?” He asked, his voice gravelly, and she nodded, arching into his hand. Rowan slowly hooked his fingers under the hem, pulling her underwear down her legs.

He let go of her hand, and moved his to slide up her legs slowly, parting her thighs. He slid his left hand up farther, using his thumb to part her folds. After taking a breath, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her clit. Her intake of breath stoked the fire in him, and after a moment he leaned down farther, licking a line up her folds.

“Oh gods,” she moaned, and that was the breaking point. He devoured her like he was parched and she was the sweetest oasis in a barren desert, using his fingers to coax even more delicious sounds from her.

It didn’t take long before she hit that peak, her body squeezing him tightly as she came.

She was panting as she came down, and with her hands she pulled him up to her, pulling him down to a desperate kiss. Eventually they broke, both of them breathing heavily.

“Fuck me, please,” she pleaded, and he groaned, reaching to hurriedly take off his pants. When was naked, he reached over to the drawer in his coffee table, retrieving a condom and sliding it on quickly.

“Fuck people on your couch often?” Aelin teased breathlessly, and he chuckled, nipping at her ear.

“Blame Fenrys for this. He thought I needed an emergency stash,” he explained, rolling his hips against hers and drawing out another gasp.

“Stop teasing,” she ordered him, and he chuckled, even as he lined up and nudged at her entrance. Her face screwed tightly as he pushed in slightly, and he waited until she nodded to push in all the way.

And then he started moving. And his world ended.

He wasn’t completely inexperienced, but he’d certainly never had anyone that felt like her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he grabbed her hand, pressing it above her head like it’d been before.

His other hand tangled in the hair sprawled over the couch cushions, his eyes glued to her face as her brows furrowed deliciously, her eyes screwed tightly closed and her mouth open in a clear sign of pleasure.

“Oh gods,” she moaned, her free hand clutching his shoulder tightly.

It didn’t take long for him to near his climax, but Aelin was approaching hers to so he held his off, reaching for his camera. And right as she came he snapped a picture of her face, release hitting him right after.

Both of them were covered in sweat as they came down, and Rowan set the camera back down to the side, before pulling out of her carefully. She pressed a few fluttering kisses to his chin and he caught her lips for one soft kiss before pulling back, traveling to the bathroom quickly to get rid of the condom.

He came back out to the living room, to find Aelin still sprawled out on the couch. He leaned over her and kissed her deeply. They both smiled at each other when he broke it.

“Come on,” he said, sliding on his boxers, and helping her back into his t-shirt. “Let me get you some food.”

He watched her reaction carefully, but she just smiled shyly. “Can you make me some green beans?”

Rowan blinked, processing the words before breaking out into a grin. “Yeah,” he laughed, grabbing her hand and pressing a kiss to it. “I can.”

She was so… so beautiful. And not just her looks, everything about her. Every time he saw her, he felt like he was adrift in the ocean, and she was the life raft he needed to survive.

He hadn’t seen this coming, but he’d be damned to let it go now.

———

Finally, it was the day of the shoot. Aelin didn’t know which emotions were going to win out: nausea, because it was finally happening, or relief, because the sooner it happened the sooner she’d be done.

The building loomed before her, and she breathed shakily, clutching Rowan’s hand tightly.

They’d hardly separated in the few days since they’d been together that first time, even when Aelin had shoots and Rowan had work to do, they’d come back to his apartment as soon as possible. They never went to hers; his was just homier.

They hadn’t officially stated what they were to each other, and they certainly hadn’t told anyone else, but Aelin was immensely happy that he was there with her as she pushed open those doors that were seared into her mind.

Neither of them spoke as they walked across the lobby, entering the elevator to take it up to the fortieth floor. It was only when the elevator dinged, and the doors started to slide open, that Rowan looked at her and said -

“Don’t forget, I’m here with you,” he said, lifting their joint hands to kiss the back of hers. She just smiled tightly at him before stepping forward, and into hell.

Aelin breathed in shakily as she walked into the Rifthold Fashion headquarters, her heels clicking on the marble floor. She didn’t even bother speaking to the receptionist and asking where to go, having memorized the layout the last time it was here.

It essentially looked like the exact stereotypical image of a fashion magazine’s office, with caffeine crazed assistants bustling around carrying stacks of clothing, and everyone looking like they’re scared of getting yelled at every second of every day. It was fashionable, but everything was on the brink of implosion.

Beautiful chaos.

Her heart was racing, but she kept her chin up as she walked toward the photography studio, where she would be painted and dressed up like a little doll before being photographed for the cover of next month’s edition.

She wasn’t bitter, it was her job and she loved her job, but it was just a little difficult to be grateful about this opportunity after what happened last time.

“Ms. Galathynius,” a voice greeted, and her spine stiffened, every nerve in her body going silent. “How nice of you to join us today.”

And Arobynn Hamel slid into her gaze, smiling at her crookedly. Everything in her was telling her to run, but she steeled herself, lifting her chin and leveling a cold gaze at him.

“Mr. Hamel,” she acknowledged, hating the way her voice quivered slightly. He seemed to catch it, amusement sparking in his eyes. But he didn’t say anything, turning his attention to Rowan, and to their interlocked hands.

“And who is this?” He asked, cocking an auburn brow.

“Rowan Whitethorn,” Rowan answered, not giving any more information. Arobynn stuck out a hand to shake, but Rowan didn’t respond, keeping his free hand in his pocket instead. Aelin had to fight the urge to chuckle.

“If you’ll excuse us,” she said, pulling Rowan to start walking around the man. “I’m needed in the hair and makeup room.”

Once he was out of sight, Aelin let loose a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Are you okay?” Rowan asked quietly, and she nodded tightly, before looking up at him.

“He’s not involved in the details and actual process of the shoot,” she explained, “so if I’m lucky, I won’t have to see him again.” She smiled tightly, ignoring the concerned look in his green eyes. “Let’s go.”

Aelin headed back further into the office space, going toward where the shoot was to be set up. She hadn’t been lying, she was needed in the hair and makeup room. That was the first stop. She knew this whole process like the back of her hand, sure the details varied from place to place, but overall, she knew what was expected of her, and she knew how to do it efficiently.

Now, she just did it with Rowan by her side.

------

The shoot went smoothly for the most part. Arobynn hadn’t made another appearance, and Aelin was able to do what she did best: model. The theme for the cover was Old Glamour, so she’d been dressed in a gown of dripping diamonds, her hair curled up in a low bun with dramatic eyeliner and dark red lipstick.

It was one of her favorite looks she’d ever been in, and the irony was not lost on her.

“Everytime I think you can’t possibly get any more beautiful, you prove me wrong,” Rowan said as she exited the shoot room, an adorable starstruck look on his face. Aelin laughed, letting him grab her hand and kiss it dramatically.

“What can I say,” she teased, “I’m just full of surprises.” He chuckled, sliding his arm around her waist. She turned to press a kiss to his cheek, laughing at the red stain it left. Rowan didn’t even try to wipe it away.

“Come on,” he said, “let’s go get ready to go.”

The makeup artists had offered to help her strip the entire look too, but she’d turned them down, not needing their help. It was nice of them, but she didn’t need to take up more of their time. She’d be just fine doing it herself.

They headed back toward the dressing room, luckily a different one than the one she’d been in five years ago. It was just a room, but she really didn’t need the attached memories haunting her. She’d been lucky so far, she was hoping it would last.

“Can you grab me my bag?” Aelin asked Rowan as she sat down in the chair in front of the mirror, digging out her makeup remover wipes when he did. She took off the fake eyelashes first, before tackling the red lipstick, which proved to be a struggle.

The dress, while extravagant, was surprisingly comfortable, so she hadn’t bothered to take that off yet.

“Thank you for coming with me,” she said to Rowan, looking over at him. It still didn’t feel real, their whole - relationship. If that was even what it was. “I really do appreciate it. I feel a lot calmer, then I would’ve if I’d come by myself.”

“Hey,” he said, from the chair next to hers. “You trusted me with what happened. It’s the least I can do to try and make you feel more comfortable with it.” His expression was sincere, and she paused in her makeup removing to lean her head against his shoulder.

And then his phone rang.

She lifted her head up as he reached for the device, his face paling at the number.

“It’s the Rifthold Institute,” he said, and she smiled excitedly. He’d submitted the portfolio two days ago, though she’d had to help him push the button because he couldn’t do it by himself. They really were stunning photos, even if she still wasn’t happy with how she looked. But that was eternal, that didn’t have anything to do with him.

“Are you going to answer it?” She asked, and he looked down at it again.

“My phone only has one bar in here,” he explained, “I won’t be able to hear them very well.”

“Go outside then,” she shooed him, “I’ll be fine.” He hesitated, but she insisted again and he sighed, following suit.

The door clicked shut behind him, right as he answered the call, and Aelin smiled contently as she turned back to the mirror, returning to her process of removing her makeup. He would get the job, she was sure of it. And yes, she’d miss seeing him around the office, but she wanted him to be happy, and he was not happy there.

She’d just removed her eyeliner, using up three wipes for that alone, when the door opened again. But she froze as she looked in the mirror and saw not a flash of silvery hair, but of red.

“Aelin, Aelin, Aelin,” he said, a sick smile on his face. “That was such a cold greeting earlier. What on earth did I do to deserve that?”

She set the wipe down, keeping her face firm. “Do I really need to answer that question?” Gods. Her hands were trying to shake, but she clenched them into fists. If he tried anything, she wouldn’t be complacent this time. She’d fight back.

Where was Rowan?

“Your boy toy isn’t coming back anytime soon,” Arobynn added, walking closer to her. She tensed. “He’s deep in conversation, far away from this room. Gives us time to talk.”

“I’m not interested in talking with you,” she said, pushing herself to a stand and moving toward the door. But he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest. She needed to get out of here, now.

“Well too bad,” he said, a little more aggressively. “Because you’re going to.” He grabbed her arm, and panic raced through her veins. With his other hand he gripped her jaw, holding her face close to his. “It was fun last time, wasn’t it?” He asked with a contemptuous smile. “We can do it again.”

“Let. Me. Go.” She ordered, her voice shaking, gathering all the nerve left in her to make herself sound strong. She was strong. She wouldn’t let this happen again.

But he didn’t listen, instead he leaned in and forced his lips onto hers, even as she struggled to get away. Eventually she was able to get her legs to work and she kneed him straight in the groin, shoving him back when he bent over in pain.

“Get the fuck away from me,” she cursed, panting. Her hair had come loose from her bun, a strand hanging in front of her eyes.

Just then, the door opened again, and Rowan entered, his face angry as death.

“I think you better leave before I do something I won’t regret,” Rowan spit, his eyes dark. Arobynn stood up and straightened his jacket, his face tight with his own anger. But he didn’t dare say anything, just throwing her a contemptuous look and heading out of the dressing room. It was his company, he could try to pin the blame on Rowan, or shout that there was some disturbance, or try to get her in trouble, but luckily, he just left.

Aelin didn’t breathe until the door shut behind him, sagging against the wall.

“Are you okay?” Rowan asked quietly, coming up to her side quickly. She sniffed and straightened, nodding as she rubbed at her face.

“Yes, I think so.” But she sighed heavily, reaching for the makeup wipe again. “He just had such confidence. That he could walk in here and do this with the door not even locked. It makes me wonder how many other girls have gone through the same thing.” Her heart broke at the thought. It’d happened so quickly, that time and this time. How many other people were forced to experience their life changing completely in a few minutes?

She wiped at her lips again, even if the lipstick was all removed. And she took out the pins in her hair, brushing it through before clipping it up. It was only then she reached for her change of clothes. Rowan looked like he was about to ask if she’d like him to leave, but she just shook her head.

“Are you going to report him?” Rowan asked, after she changed into her jeans and t-shirt. Aelin huffed a breath, rubbing at her forehead. It wasn’t nearly as bad as last time, but maybe she shouldn’t be so blasé about being the victim of assault yet again. Even if it was only attempted.

“I don’t know, Rowan,” she said honestly, but she didn’t look at him, choosing to hang up the dress instead. “He clearly doesn’t expect me to. Probably because I haven’t reported the first time in the five years since it happened.” She shook her head. “No one would believe me anyway.”

“I would,” he said, “I would vouch for you.”

She laughed humorlessly. “And you’d be claimed as biased like that.” She snapped for emphasis. He didn’t answer, and she shook her head again, packing everything up in her bag before picking it up. “Let’s just get the hell out of here.”

He nodded, and that was that.

——-

They ended up in the same cafe they’d taken pictures in, and Rowan watched Aelin carefully as she sipped on her coffee, trying really fucking hard to pretend she wasn’t affected.

She was looking out the window, drinking from her disgustingly sugary hazelnut monstrosity, but the hand on the table was shaking slightly and he reached out to hold it gently. She smiled at him thinly.

He’d tried to buy her a pastry to go along with the coffee, but she’d turned it down. She should eat it, he didn’t think she’d really eaten anything substantial that day, but he couldn’t force her to. She needed to see a professional for tackling such a deep-seated issue as this one, as much as he wanted to help he really couldn’t.

He would just have to trust that she would try to help herself.

“Oh,” she said, blinking, “how was the phone call? Did you get the job?”

“It was just to let me know it’s been narrowed down to two,” Rowan answered, trying not to show the nerves inside of him. “And to ask me about some formalities and contract details and stuff.” Aelin nodded her head in contemplation.

“So you’re getting it,” she said, with total faith, and his heart warmed.

“We’ll see,” he answered, shrugging. “I’ll know by the end of the week.” The other candidate was older, with more experience, but the man he’d talked to at the Institute had said they were also considering looking for some new blood, someone young to bring a new perspective into the place.

He was hoping that would mean him. But he would just have to wait and see.

Just then his phone buzzed, and he cursed under his breath, pulling it out and seeing that annoyingly familiar number on the screen. He turned his notifications off and shoved his phone back in his pocket, but saw Aelin watching him curiously. He just waved her off.

“So…” Aelin said, a few minutes later. She smiled slyly. “Am I your girlfriend now?”

Rowan chuckled, trying to act casual even though the question sent his heart soaring. “Do you want to be?”

Aelin shrugged, acting blase. “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you in a day or two.” But she was grinning, and he rolled his eyes.

“Smart ass,” he said, and she laughed.

“You love it,” she accused, and he smiled gently.

“Yeah. I really do.”

------

A few days later, and they still hadn’t announced their relationship to the rest of the group. But Aelin was holding off, just because she wasn’t really sure how to explain how it happened. Oh, I came over to let him take pictures of me, and ended up spilling my trauma to him, to which he reacted surprisingly really well. And even went with me to confront my assaulter, and threatened to beat him up when he tried to assault me again. And the rest is history.

No, that wouldn’t go well at all.

And she knew the first person she would want to tell was Aedion. They’d barely talked in the last few weeks, as she was so wrapped up in everything else going on, and the guilt was so potent she could nearly taste it. But soon. They’d catch up soon.

She gathered her keys and slid her sunglasses as she headed out of her apartment, making sure to lock the door behind her. Then she was off, heading down the elevator and exiting the building out onto the street.

It was a Tuesday, late morning, so it wasn’t too busy. But she still had to fight through pedestrians as she made her way to the metro station. She normally hated taking the subway, but she wasn’t dolled up enough to make people recognize her, so she could float under the radar. And it was faster than a taxi in constant traffic like this.

She paid the toll and walked into the station, waiting for the next train like everyone else. She was going to get a massage at her favorite massage parlor, but it was a few miles away and she didn’t feel like walking that whole distance.

When the right train arrived, she stepped onto it like everyone else, enjoying getting to pretend to be normal for a little bit. She didn’t sit down, instead grabbing one of the handles from the ceiling, and pulled out her phone, scrolling through her notifications as the doors closed and the train started to move.

Her stomach dropped.

Request for Signature the subject line read, from an email she recognized too well.

She felt nauseous as she opened it, scrolling down to the attached file. There was no message anyway, no introduction to whatever this was. And pretty soon, she found out.

Non-Disclosure Agreement was at the top, and her heart thumped in her chest as she skimmed through the terms.

…not allowed to discuss or attempt to publicize any information regarding the untoward actions of Mr. Hamel on the dates of…

…will receive three million dollars as a result of returning this document with a completed signature…

…infringement of this document will result in a penalty of two times the prior amount listed…

And it ended with:

Please return signed within three business days.

Aelin was going to be sick. This was what he was trying to do? Tempt her into signing a document that she couldn’t ever reasonably break? Six million dollars would be the penalty; she was a well paid model, but that was a hefty amount to owe all at once.

And yet - if she signed it, it would be over.

“Fuck,” she cursed, rubbing her forehead. Why was everything in her life so screwy? Was it her? Or was it the gods trying to fuck with her?

The metro stopped at the next station, and she glanced up at the signs, quickly identifying where she was. And though she had four more stops to go before she was supposed to get off, she let go of the handle and walked to the doors.

Change of plans.

------

Rowan was going to throw his phone off a cliff. Or if not a cliff, he was going to find a bridge somewhere and throw it into the river below. Just enough to make sure that no one would ever be able to contact him on it again.

Or mainly - one person.

Remelle LaFleur was quickly becoming the utter bane of his existence, and he had no real idea of how to get her out of it. He opened their text thread, seeing the long list of her texts, with only a few dotting his side.

> come on, let’s just get dinner

> I promise I’ll make it worth your while

< Remelle, I have a girlfriend now

> that whore Aelin Galathynius?

> you can do so much better than her

To that, he hadn’t replied, completely at a loss for words of what to even say to that. No, he couldn’t do better than her. But this was just getting completely out of hand.

He collapsed back on his couch, his head in his hands as he tried to sort out what the hell to do about this. She wasn’t going to leave him alone if he replied, or if he didn’t reply either. Maybe he needed to try and reason with her, to convince her that this was an utter dead end.

But would she listen over text? From what he could tell, she would just ignore the message and keep harassing him.

Should he tell Aelin what was going on? Maybe she could help. She was starting to notice anyway; she’d given him odd looks whenever Remelle texted him, and he’d had to pull out and silence his phone. And yet - did he want to put this on her plate? She already had so much going on. This wouldn’t do anything but add more stress.

He contemplated it as he opened his laptop, pulling up some headshots he was meant to be editing. He’d taken the day as a work from home day; Maeve didn’t really care as long as he came in for the shoots he needed to do, and got his edits done on time.

Hopefully, he would be done with this pretty soon. He was supposed to find out about the job within three days. And hopefully that phone call would be the end of this mindless work.

Maybe he could use that as a way to convince Remelle too.

But it would be better in person. That way he could make sure the message was actually getting to her. Not going straight into her trash.

< I’ll meet with you in person one time

< We need to talk

This needed to stop.

He shut off his phone then, turning back to his laptop, but a rapid knocking on the door grabbed his attention. Rowan furrowed his brows, hurrying to go over there and open it. Aelin was on the other side, and at first he was concerned that something was wrong, but she wasn’t crying, she was mad.

“Look at what this fucker is trying to do,” she spit, shoving her phone at him as she stepped inside. Rowan idly shut the door behind her as his eyes focused on the screen, and on the words Non-Disclosure Agreement.

Well shit.

“He’s trying to bribe me into shutting up,” she huffed, walking over and sitting down on the couch. “And I thought he couldn’t get any worse.” She shook her head and he came over there. “Three million dollars. That’s what he thinks I’m worth.”

Rowan sat in silence for a moment, figuring out how to best approach the subject.

“What are you thinking of doing?” He asked, carefully, and she glanced at him.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I don’t want to take the deal, but if I do, then this is over. I can put it behind me, and he won’t bother me again.”

“But-” he said, knowing her too well.

“Then I’m stuck,” she added, chewing on her lip. “If I change my mind and ever want to speak out, I can’t.” She made a miserable noise and flopped over, her head in his lap. Rowan automatically started caressing her hair, combing through it gently.

“How much time do you have to decide?” He asked quietly, and she blinked up at him, her blue eyes full of emotion.

“Three days.”

“Same time for the job,” he said, huffing a humorless laugh. Rowan lifted up her phone again, reading through the contract with more detail. “Here,” he said after a moment, “text Elide on my phone. She should take a look at this.”

“Good idea,” Aelin said, reaching over to grab his phone off of the coffee table.

Rowan read over the exact terms of the agreement again, frowning when he saw just what she wouldn’t be allowed to talk about, and what she would be forced to pay if she did speak about it. Something about this was just wrong, he didn’t like the idea of her being trapped into it.

“Aelin, I-”

“What is this,” Aelin interrupted, her eyes glued to his phone. His heart stopped at her flat tone. Especially as she sat up, distancing herself from him. “Why did she say this? Why are you texting her?”

“Wha-”

“Perfect. You can come over to my place at eight,” she continued, “I’ll make you forget about that slut.” His face drained of all color as she realized what she was seeing. What she was reading.

“It’s not like that,” he tried to say, but he realized how that sounded. She finally looked up at him, her face filled with such pain his heart broke. “Aelin-”

She just shook her head, standing up quickly. “Don’t,” she said, her voice shuddering. “Don’t even bother.” she was still shaking her head, looking everywhere but at him. “I shouldn’t be surprised, doesn’t everyone end up leaving me anyway?” Her voice was getting tight with what sounded like unshed tears. “But I thought you would be the one to stay.”

“Aelin, I promise you-” he was getting desperate now. But that set her off.

“No,” she interrupted, spinning around to face him, nearly throwing his phone across the room. “I don’t want to hear it,” she spit, her face full of anger. “You… you fucker.” She gripped at her hair.

“Aelin,” he said, standing up. “I swear it’s not like that, just let me exp-”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” she said, interrupting him again, “I trusted you, with everything.” Her voice broke. “And this is what you give me in return?” A tear slipped down her face, and she quickly wiped it away. But he saw.

“I can’t,” she whispered, “I just can’t.” She wiped at her face again, grabbing her phone from the couch and heading toward the door. Rowan couldn’t do anything but watch as she opened it and turned back to face him. “I hope you get the job, I really do.” She smiled bitterly. “Because then I’ll never have to see your face again.”

And then she was gone.

-----

The dark cloud that had lifted slightly had descended again with a fury, and Aelin had trouble getting out of bed for the first time in years. Most of the time, she was able to motivate herself with work, and the knowledge of the self-hate that would hit her if she let herself slip for even a moment. But that morning, she wanted to ignore her alarm and just sink into the sheets so deeply she became a part of them, never having to see the daylight again.

She didn’t want to see the sun, not anymore.

She’d cried herself to sleep the night before, and once she did finally manage to drag herself out of bed and into the bathroom, it was swollen eyes and splotchy cheeks that she met in the mirror.

“Gods,” she whispered under her breath, hanging her head low as she leaned against the counter. “Get yourself together.” She hit the marble once with her hand before huffing and standing up straight, staring at herself in the eyes.

She’d been through worse than this, she’d been to hell and back, she wouldn’t let Rowan ruin what little self worth she had left.

With a slow inhale, she turned on the faucet, getting her face wash ready to start her morning routine. She had shit to do today, she couldn’t get off schedule already.

Aelin washed her face quickly, and applied her toner, serums, moisturizer, and sunscreen, before brushing her hair and braiding it back. And without coffee, and without any sort of breakfast at all, she changed into her workout clothes, heading straight for the treadmill.

She’d sweat all her problems away.

But before she could, her doorbell rang. Aelin paused mid motion, and stepped away from the treadmill, furrowing her brows as she walked toward the door. Hesitantly she opened it, but relaxed when she saw Aedion outside in the hallway.

“Hey,” she said, smoothing her hair back. “What are you doing here so early?”

It was only 6 am.

“It was the only time I knew you’d be here,” her cousin said, his voice flat. Her smile faded. “You haven’t responded to my texts or anything, I didn’t know if you were dead or alive, I didn’t know if you-”

She cut him off with a hug, stopping him in his tracks. But he hugged her back, wrapping her up in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes. A rebellious one slipped down her face as she squeezed her eyes shut, and she sniffed to try and hold the rest back.

“Hey,” Aedion said, pulling back a little bit. “What’s wrong?”

Another tear slipped down her face, and she wiped it away, letting out a shaky laugh. “Where do you want me to start?” Aedion stepped inside the apartment, shutting the door, and she went to go sit down on the couch, hugging her knees. He sat down next to her.

“I think I need to go back to therapy,” she admitted quietly, not looking at him. But like she knew he wouldn’t, he didn’t laugh at her or make fun of her or even question the statement. He just supported her.

“Okay,” he said, and she looked over, seeing him nod. “The same place as last time? Dr. Towers?”

Aelin considered it for a second before saying yes. Dr. Towers was young for a therapist, which she liked when first going to see her all those years ago. She’d be a little older now obviously, but Aelin herself was older too. She’d always felt comfortable with her, and Dr. Towers had never been the reason Aelin stopped going.

So, it’d be a good place to start.

“Do you want me to set up an appointment?” Aedion asked, and Aelin chuckled, looking at him through watery eyes.

“I’m an adult, Aedion,” she said, smiling, “I can make my own appointments.” He narrowed his eyes at her jokingly.

“I’m not so sure,” he said, and she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not fifteen anymore,” she said.

“No,” he said, leaning over to ruffle her hair, “but you’ll always be my baby cousin.” She pushed him away, but was laughing as she did it, her heart warm.

“I love you,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. His arm rested on her shoulders.

“Love you too, Ae,” he said, and after a minute, he said, “we’re getting drinks at The Stag again tonight, should we expect you?”

“No,” she said, nearly automatically, sitting up and shaking her head. “I can’t tonight, I’m busy.” But he must’ve seen something on her face because he didn’t buy the excuse this time.

“Is this about Rowan?” Aedion asked, and she looked at him, seeing understanding in his eyes. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but do I need to beat him up?”

She was tempted to say yes, but she only chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. “It’s not worth it,” she said. “Just another disappointment.”

“Well,” her cousin said, “I’m here to talk if you ever need to.”

“I know you are,” she said, smiling tightly, “and I appreciate it. I just need some time.”

Time, and maybe a miracle.

------

Rowan was the biggest idiot to ever walk the earth. He’d known that the minute she walked out the door, and it only sunk in more as the sun went down and came back up again.

He wished Aelin had let him explain, but he didn’t blame her for not. He should’ve spoken about it to her like a reasonable person instead of trying to decide which things she needed to know or not.

After Aelin had left, he’d finally done what he should’ve done originally and told off Remelle for continuing to harass him, before blocking her number and her email. It didn’t fucking matter anyway, he’d decided that even if he didn’t get the job, he was going to quit anyway.

He couldn’t stay there, not anymore.

And though part of him longed to reach out to Aelin, to try and appeal to her, he thought it best to give her space for a little bit, knowing how she was feeling. Hovering would do absolutely nothing.

But he couldn’t let her go forever. He couldn’t bear it.

So what could he do to earn her forgiveness?

He huffed a sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. This was too fucking much. Rowan took a sip of his coffee, hoping that the caffeine would spark his inspiration. The sun was barely up, but he’d never even made it to sleep the night before.

But as he was reaching to take another sip, his phone rang. He paused, his heart racing as he set the cup back down, reaching for the device.

It was the Institute.

He couldn’t breathe as he answered it, barely croaking out a “yes?”

“Mr. Whitethorn?” The voice on the other end spoke, and he said yes again. “Sorry for the early hour, but we’re thrilled to tell you that you’ve been selected for the position.”

And instead of racing, his heart stopped completely. The HR rep on the phone started telling him more information about the job, and when he’d have to come in to do entry paperwork and the likes, but all Rowan could think about was Aelin, and how he wished he could share this with her.

And in that moment, he realized something so important, and yet so devastating he could hardly function. He loved her. But she was gone.

But it was then, as the news about the job finally sunk in, that an idea struck him. An idea that just might work.

------

Dr. Towers’ office looked exactly the same as it had eight years ago. And Aelin felt strangely young as she sat on the couch across from the woman, waiting to start their session. She’d managed to get a next day appointment, which she was grateful for, there was a lot she needed to talk about.

“May I ask you what brought you in today, Aelin?” Dr. Towers asked, smiling at her warmly. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you last.”

There were more pressing issues, Aelin knew. There was Arobynn, and the NDA, and the eating issue, the exercise issue, the self esteem issue, so much wrong with her. But the first thing that came to her mind was Rowan.

“How does one move on from someone they think they’re in love with, when they broke your heart and you still don’t understand why?” She asked, all in a rush, shocking the doctor.

“Well,” Dr. Towers said, blinking, “it generally isn’t a very quick process, but closure tends to help.” She hummed a bit, and Aelin deflated. “You said you don’t understand why?” And Aelin shook her head.

“No,” she said, “but he kept trying to explain, or that’s what he said. I didn’t want to hear excuses.” Dr. Towers nodded slowly.

“Now,” she said, gesturing with a hand, “I don’t know the exact situation, so you can feel free to disregard my advice. But maybe you could hear him out?” Aelin frowned. “And if you don’t like what he has to say, you have my permission to fully cut him out of your life. But if you’re willing, it couldn’t hurt to try, right?”

“I guess,” Aelin muttered, considering the idea. Rowan did seem really desperate to get his words out. But the text; she didn’t think she’d be able to forget how crushed she’d been in that moment. And from Remelle of all people. She barely knew the girl, but every time they’d interacted, it’d been an attempt to tear Aelin down.

“Just think about it,” Dr. Towers said, before leaning back in her armchair. “Now, I know that’s not the only reason you’re here today, is it?”

A heavy weight settled in Aelin’s stomach and she shook her head slowly.

“There’s a lot going on,” she said quietly, fighting the urge to shut down and shut up. “A lot that I don’t know what to do about.”

“I understand,” Dr. Towers said, smiling gently. “It takes a lot of strength to even make it to this step, Aelin. I want you to understand that.” Aelin glanced up at her. “You’ve already done the hard part, asking for help.” She relaxed slightly. “Now I’m just here to give it to you.”

Aelin’s lips curled up slightly on the corners, a ghost of a smile on her face as a tiny sprig of hope grew in her heart.

Maybe, just maybe, she’d be okay. Even without Rowan.

But her heart still ached for him, and she knew the ache would last for a long time.

------

Aelin got the note a few hours after getting home from Dr. Towers’ office, finding it slipped under her door after returning from the bathroom.

Meet me at the park at 7. Please.

It wasn’t signed, but it was clear who it was from. She supposed Rowan had resorted to handwritten notes, given she’d blocked his number, and his work email address had conspicuously disappeared. A bit of joy went through her when she’d first discovered that, though she tried to temper it, but though he’d betrayed her, it wasn’t as easy as she’d hoped to get away from the feelings she had for him.

Which was why, taking Dr. Towers’ advice, she decided to go to the park.

It wasn’t an easy decision, and a large part of her brain told her to fuck him and stay at her apartment, but a smaller and infinitely more powerful part of her brain told her to go. To at least hear him out. She’d trusted him before, maybe she needed to trust him again.

Aelin threw on a light sundress, and tied her hair up with a clip, putting on a pair of sandals before she left her apartment, nerves racing through her. It wasn’t too long of a walk to get to the park, but every step felt like a mile as she both anticipated and feared this interaction.

It’d only been a few days since they’d last seen each other, but it felt like an eternity. She hated him, she missed him, she… loved him. She loved him.

She’d hinted at it to her therapist, but it was only now she was admitting it to herself. Aelin Galathynius loved Rowan Whitethorn, and there was nothing she could do to change it.

When the trees first came into her sight, she slowed down, inhaling shakily as she considered if she really wanted to do this. But the answer was yes, it would always be yes, so she exhaled and kept going, not giving herself another moment to doubt.

She came up on their tree pretty quickly, and stopped, looking around in amazement at what he’d done. He’d printed out every single photo he’d taken of her, both the ones from the photoshoot and others he’d taken various days after, when they were still blissfully happy. And he’d strung up lights too, setting the area aglow in the fading evening light.

“Rowan,” she whispered, turning over her shoulder to find him standing there, a bouquet of kingsflame in his hands.

“Aelin,” he said, just as gently, with so much emotion in his eyes.

“This is beautiful,” she had to admit, her voice tight.

“I know you don’t like pictures of yourself,” he said, stepping closer. “I know it still brings you pain, but I wanted to show you that all of these pictures show the happiest moments of my life.” He took another step toward her, and her eyes filled with tears. “Every single one of these pictures show a time when I was at peace, when I was filled with joy, when I was content, because I was with you.”

She sniffed, looking up to look at him in the eyes as he stepped closer.

“I would never jeopardize that for anything,” his voice shuddered, his head shaking. “You’re the best thing to happen to me, and I would never throw that away.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Here. You can read all of the texts between me and Remelle. She was harassing me, even after the gala, and I couldn’t stop her, no matter how much I tried.” She looked at him, seeing how sincere his face was. “I was going to meet with her in person to finally try and convince her that nothing would ever happen, but I made a mistake in not telling you. I admit that. I would never be involved with someone like her. And I would never betray you like that.” His eyes were full of pain. “Please believe me.”

She shook her head. “I don’t need your phone,” she said, her throat tight. He looked devastated for a second, so she added to her statement quickly, smiling gently. “Because I believe you.”

It took a second to process, but then pure elation filled his face.

“You do?” He asked, like he couldn’t believe it. And she nodded, lifting a hand to cup his cheek.

“I do,” she repeated, warmth filling her as he leaned in to kiss her deeply, whispering against her lips -

“I love you.”

She pulled back, shocked, but he didn’t look like he regretted saying it, so she laughed, tears running down her face as she said it back. “I love you too.”

He kissed her again, his hands sliding around her back. And then he was lifting her and spinning her, making her laugh. When he finally set her down, they rested their foreheads together, just breathing each other in.

“I’m starting therapy again,” she admitted, after a minute or two, and his handsome face curled into a soft smile.

“I’m proud of you,” he said, his thumb caressing her lower back where his hands rested on her waist. Warmth spread through her at the simple words. Did he know how much they meant to her?

“And I’m not going to sign the NDA,” she said as well, “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but I’m not going to give in like that. I’m not going to silence myself.” She glanced up into his green eyes, still so close to hers. “I’m guessing you got the job?” She asked, her lips curling into a grin. “Your email disappeared.”

“I did,” he admitted, his face lit up with joy, and she couldn’t help but kiss him again.

“I love you,” she said again, not able to stop herself. “And I’m so proud of you too.”

Rowan kissed her forehead, before spinning her around and wrapping her in a hug from behind, pressing quick kisses on her neck. She hummed in satisfaction, hugging his arms. She didn’t think she’d ever been happier than she was in this moment.

“We’re going to have to tell everyone,” she said, smiling at the thought. She craned her head to look up at him. “We’re going to be teased relentlessly.” Rowan just shrugged.

“I can deal with even Fenrys’ ridiculous comments,” he said, “as long as we’re together.”

“How long will that be?” She asked teasingly, and he grinned.

“I was hoping forever,” he said, and her smile turned shy.

“I think that can be arranged.”

“Yeah?” He asked, and she nodded. “Good. Because I have no plans on leaving anytime soon.”

She chuckled. “Leave me? Or leave the park? Because I’m getting a little cold.”

“Smart ass,” he said, flicking her nose. She laughed again, cuddling back into him.

“Can we go back to your apartment though?” She asked, spinning around to face him. “I’m in the mood for some green beans. And something else,” she added slyly, fluttering her lashes.

“You’re insatiable,” he teased, smiling, “but yes we can. We can go anywhere you’d like, as long as we’re together.” Together. It was such a simple word, but to her it meant everything. She was no longer alone, facing the shit storm of the world alone. She had him by her side, and that would always be enough.

<><><><><>

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voxofthevoid · 4 months

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fucking yikes im so sorry you get these kind of notifications, and of course theyre anonymous😒 coward cant even say it with their chest about a FICTIONAL character, in something completely optional to read. anyway, im a big fan and i reread your fics all the time! ppl complaining about gojo being ooc for being a bottom make me giggle everytime tho like no shit? fr?? gojo fucked canonically in the manga?? whens THAT getting animated and which chapter was it. can you link me 👀👉👈

and again, its not the source material. Its fanfic shared with you, not made for you. Its like walking into an ice cream parlor and demanding a steak, except even worse because the food is free!!! No one is holding you at gunpoint to sit down and read the whole thing huffing and puffing about how "its not what you ordered." and if you didnt read it, why are you here.🧍‍♂️

and imo the market is oversaturated with top gojo and bottom gojo satosugu. You're doing the lords work righting the scales one yuuji at a time🥰

"No one is holding you at gunpoint to sit down and read the whole thing": You'd think so, but some of these people do act like I'm at their house holding their entire family hostage while they read my fic with bloody tears streaming down their face.

Listen, if I had that kinda power, I'd manifest in my friends' houses to cuddle them to death. And hopefully cow-eye them into feeding me (looking at you specifically @eusuntgratie).

Delulu anon is the only one who's been a dick about it so far (and I think that one's just got several screws loose), but variations of this happen enough in my comments that I've constructed whole mental categories.

There are the nice ones, who basically say some variation of "I'm not usually into bottom!Gojou, but I'll read it from you." That's great! I generally take any version of "not my thing, but you're an exception" as a compliment, and the commenters generally mean it that way. There are also the neutral questions about who tops, usually before the fic gets explicit (yes, even in the fics where Gojou goes "fuck me, Yuuji ❤" well before the porn), and while opening my email to just that, without a peep about the fic so far, is about as appealing as eating burnt toast, I do answer and leave it be. It's fine.

And then you have the people with main character syndrome who cannot seem to conceive that any goyuu fic author would gleefully and exclusively write top!Yuuji. I've had people act like they're doing me a favor by reading my fic or assume it will be switching at the least. There was one...memorable occasion where someone liked the deaging fic overall but didn't like top!Yuuji, so they told me they'd be "stealing" the concept. Deaging is a bog-standard trope, so that's stupid as shit, but fucking Christ, the audacity. That was, IIRC, a fairly popular PWP author, so it's not even that they need any help to get eyeballs on their work.

There's just this persistent disbelief in the goyuu fandom about someone (me, I'm someone) writing top!Yuuji over and over. And it's clearly not that JJK fans just cannot conceive of Gojou taking it up the ass; like you said, there's plenty of it in satosugu, and I have it on good authority that nanago and sukugo are the same. It's just the combination of Yuuji and Gojou that gets this "one way only" attitude, and yeah, I know precisely why, but I've been in fandom for some 15 years now, a decade of it on Ao3, and JJK is the worst about it I've seen.

Sorry for the *gestures above* rant, but every goddamn month, this shit happens, and I am clinging to civility by the skin of my teeth.

But, far more importantly, please know that it put a bigass smile on my face to know that you like to reread my fics. Thank you, anon 😘

#anon #i love my anons #the civility doesn't apply to delusional anon and their ilk #i'm only polite until the other person isn't #but god those civil comments that basically insult my own tastes TEST me sometimes

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