#it's spirals all the way down

[chickenoptyrx]

*sittin up projecting onto the baby blorbo when I should be sleeping*

#just havin a super normal 1 #ok but i neddta tag rant #prepare for typos #but #like ok imagine you havin your first real melt down #you dont know whats happenin just that you feel like your goin insane #and instead of helpin ya #your dad- the only person ever been lookin out for ya #his solution is restrict your freedom/ cut off access to this part of you that he was praisin and encouraging before #cause yknow it scares him now #now bein strong and aggressive is bad and you needta be quiet and calm #but ay since you cant act up now problem solved right? #he can just ignore it all now #no way this sudden unexpected shift will trigger a downward spiral or anything #....anyway yes im sayin the big evil bad guy is just an uwu over stimulated smol bean #...but fr every time paragus says ' there was somethin far darker about him ' i get sad for the dumb man baby #cause man hes talkin about his kid #blah blah blah ok sleep. thats a thing i should do soon

[tardxsblues]

#i think about this all the time #and do i think he's letting his guard down because he thinks he's going to die? absolutely #but the complete contrast from the hug at the end of 8.12 to this does send me spiraling #it's just these moments of vulnerability where he's beginning to let clara in #and while that does end up catastrophic later as he comes to depend far too much on her in this needy/desperate way #i live for the development of this toxicity #it's just so interesting to watch it all unfold #to watch this codependency deepen and fester like a wound #doctor who #dwedit #dwgifs #dw companions #twelve #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #twelveclara #whouffaldi #dws9 #episode: the magician's apprentice #peter capaldi #jenna coleman #gif warning

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

YOU.

You made me obssesed with Laughingstock for the 2nd time allready. I used to be free now your dragging be back down the rabbit hole for the 2nd time, how fliping dare you.. >:(

...im escaping this loop hole one way or another

no you're not

you wanna see the finished version of this wip. You Want To See More Of Them

#IM KEEPING ALL OF YOU DOWN HERE WITH ME #THIS RABBIT HOLE IS A ONE WAY TRIP AND WONDERLAND IS ENDLESS #im holding up a pinwheel and pretending its a hypnotic spiral #you love laughingstock... you want to think about them forever... they are top tier you know it in your heart... give in to the sillies.... #rambles from the bog #you're never actually free from them. never

[wraenata]

Pillow attack courtesy of the @tapakah0 army

I missed the battle. I passed out under the pillow. Sorry :(

(Thank you for the pillow attack though!)

#wren askbox #i am still so sick #surprised i could make even a terrible doodle #i had an awful day at work today #i got verbally assaulted by a coworker for something that isnt even my deal #i cried #i spiraled #it sucked so bad #please handle with care i cannot handle the negative emotions #thankfully my other coworkers affirmed me that they were way out of line #but now i think said coworker hates me #this wasnt even my deal i was just the messenger! #thankfully some nice peeps and cas update and tapa and sara shenanigans and pillow war helped cheer me up #but with all this sickness weighing me down i passed out tonight #im just too weak for all this #sorry i rambled on your pillow attack i really appreciate it #i hope to have the energy to get to my other asks soon

[nyxofdemons]

this was going to be like a mile long essay but i just realized the most concise way to say it is that "it feels like a retcon that blitz has been so resentful and hostile towards fizz all this time since he was supposed to feel guilty" is simply not a good criticism when we have been shown, time and time again, that blitz's number one defense mechanism when he feels guilty or judged or attacked is to lash out, to deflect and ignore all his responsibility, and to shift the blame to someone else. that's like. his defining character flaw

#- and that's WHY it was such a major THING for his arc!! that he apologized to fizz and accepted responsibility for what he did!!! #like. the fact that he said; EXPLICITLY; the words 'you're right; it was all my fault; i should have done better; i am so sorry' IS #SO BIG!!!! LIKE THAT IS SUCH A HUGE THING FOR HIM!!!!! #mine #helluva boss #blitzo helluva boss #helluva boss blitzo #blitz #e: oops #analysis #also its entirely reasonable that blitz would have gone spiraling down the thought process that maybe fizz always hated him if he could #blame him so easily when fizz was probably the one blitz was MOST counting on to hear him out #and the fact that fizz went on and got SUPER famous and successful after he was no longer performing with blitz - who i'm SURE had #only been given more and more shit for not being as good as fizz as they got older (by his dad and by himself) - he probably assumed fizz #blamed him for that too - holding fizz back with his own poor performance #which is why his insults towards fizz had always been 'overrated sellout' and insisting he slept his way to the top with ozzie. #he'd tear down fizz's quality as a performer because BLITZ feels insecure about his OWN quality as a performer #these tags have gotten so fucking long but that's the gist of the essay i was gonna write about this fjfdjjfghf #MEDIA ANALYSIS IS MY PASSION

[roominthecastle]

audrey: i don't know how much notice period you need. one month seems too little. would three months suffice?

audrey: or if you need longer, of course i'll give you longer.

siegfried: how about 'till death do us part'?

audrey: what

siegfried: what

#acgas 2020 #all creatures great and small #acgas spoilers #holy sheet what was this episode even?????? #i AM YELLING #'you are leaving me' and the way he said it j e s us #and she basically wrote US: A NOVEL and he was like yeah i am not gonna read THAT thanks im already DYING INSIDE #even his number one principle of 'the animal comes first' broke down in THAT downward spiral deer god #[ nothing compares 2u starts playing ] #i am gonna watch this on repeat for 10 years

[aro-absol]

I hate how when I come out to other people as aromantic I'm so often met with a version of "don't you think you'll find the one?" and them telling me that I should be open minded and not rule out dating completely.

Like, why do they feel like they need to tell me that? Those words just revive all my doubts that I shouldn't call myself aro and that I'm not "valid" as aromantic. Do they not understand that it took a lot of courage to tell them this personal thing about myself and that them immediately questioning what I've said won't make me feel better?!

It took me over a year of soul-searching to gain the confidence to use this word to describe myself and my experiences, and their first reaction to me letting them in on this knowledge is that I have to be wrong and that it's not okay for me to call myself that.

I literally would have been fine if they just said, "okay, cool."

I hate that aromanticism is still seen as something so negative that people's first reaction to a coming out as aromantic is to console the person coming out (by invalidating them).

#inspired by my coming out to my mom #and by talking to a guy that has a crush on me #fortunately I'm secure enough in my identity now that it doesn't send me all the way down the questioning spiral again #a couple months ago I would have had a full-blown identity crisis after such a response #luckily my first coming out to my bestie went great and she has my back now #aromantic #aro #vent #coming out #arophobia #aphobia

[blujayonthewing]

WELL I still have two hours of daylight left but I'm cold and I should probably eat something, so, I'm gonna try to take a SHORT break and see how much more I can get done tonight while I can still see what I'm doing

#in theory it might be cool to be building a spider web at dusk but in practice even if I had a headlamp it's only gonna get colder :') #the good news is the spiral bits go way faster than the framework #AND if I DON'T get it all the way done tonight (I probably won't) then I most likely won't need to fuck around with the ladder anymore today #once the web starts getting big it's EXTREMELY ANNOYING cause you gotta keep going up and down and moving the ladder :') #'make a smaller web' no #about me #spider #spiders #spiderweb

[muninnhuginn]

I think one of the things I appreciate most about Skip and Loafer is how it manages to be lowkey about drama in a convincing way. These characters all have flaws and it could so easily spiral out into something huge, but when a character decides to muse to themselves rather than creating conflict with another it never comes off fake in any way? Ultimately most of the characters do just want to get along and not hurt anyone else. It still happens, of course, but there's no way to avoid that entirely in life.

#it can still spiral out into something big down the line but so far the way it's sidestepped all the obvious drama routes is so refreshing #so if/when it does become more heated it'll feel so much more earnt too. like slowburn but for chara drama. #skip to loafer #skip and loafer

[wizardnuke]

i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group

#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time. #i LOVE playing cleric turns out. #though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support #it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration' #doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible) #aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard #my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can' #the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here #functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me #i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in #a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and #try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl' #a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be' #anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is. #she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp #but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again #she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her. #i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to #0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again. #do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag! #she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down #aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and #reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration #badass

[jittyjames]

ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.

#i don’t want to feel this way #but i don’t know how to stop it #i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it #it wont leave me alone #i want it to leave me alone #i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think #but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else #i feel so empty and weird and vague #december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction #i’m always on the verge of crying and #i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work #and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting #you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down #ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing #how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head #part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics #idk #just haven’t felt this bad in a while #i just want to get out of my head so bad #i wish i could turn thinking off #sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own #but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that #i don’t mean to vent #i just feel really hopeless and shit rn #anyway #i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning #it wont be tho lol #nothing is ever better #bc the universe and god hate me

[leafuxxtea]

god the announcement of hnk (houseki no kuni/land of the lustrous) has got me in shambles,,, i haven't read the chapters after the 10 000 years hiatus so i gotta catch up (actually I'll probably re-read the whole thing)

‼️rambling incoming‼️

imo, hnk is one of the best series for deep psychological analysis,,, it had such a deep impact on me when i first read it (like 3 years ago) and still remains in my top best/favorites series 🥹🥹 i could ramble abt it for so long,,, the process of one losing bit by bit the parts of themselves and replacing it with something else (both physically and metaphorically) in an endless need to help others, but also as an own selfish wish to become better than who they used to be. Then looking back, and realizing things were so much simpler back then, and mourning that past self. (The fact that all of this revolves around their self-hatred and the belief that they're worthless is just. It's so heartbreaking to me. They've become so desperate for affirmation and yet still keeps getting hurt, by others and by themself too.)

i have too many feelings about the manga 😭😭 im losing myself to the brainrot, help-

#leaf yapping #hnk #any hnk fans here?? 🥺🥺 #I MEAN IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS THE SERIES WAS GOING TO END SOON ANYWAYS #god I still remember the infamous 2 years hiatus #all because ichikawa got a ps5 #i have so many thoughts on so many characters #rutile...ghost quartz...diamond...yellow diamond...antARCTICITE...CINNABAR??? CAIRNGORM???? 😭😭😭 #and last but not least. lets not forget our endlessly suffering protagonist. gods sacrifical lamb. #IM NEVER GOING TO SHUT UP ABOUT PHOS‼️‼️ #this series made me so mentally ill...like i was already mentally ill but it made me worse #i rewatched the anime recently actually and it made me super emotional 🥹🥹 #ichikawa. when i catch you ichikawa. #THE TRANSFORMATION PHOS WENT THROUGH IS SO INSANE ACTUALLY #ur telling me the silliest little guy is now...some imposing shapeless deity figure??? #lets not forget about when [spoiler incoming] #they lost their legs. then lost their arms. then lost their head. #then got destroyed and slowly reconstructed into a horrifying mix match of broken pieces #not the mention how they get shattered by the alloy when they have a mental breakdown #WHICH IS SUCH AN INSANE DETAIL BTW??? #the way they just. fully physically break down to pieces. from inside of themselves. when their mind is spiralling. #i think their portrayal of ones trauma is so interesting #ANYWAYS IM STOPPING MY RAMBLING FOR NOW

[mymarifae]

oughsjn.. project sekai.......

#my silly miku game means the world to me it makes me so happy i actually get overwhelmed sometimes #THE CHARACTERS... AND ALL THEIR RELATIONSHIPS... ARE SO FUCKING GOOD... AAUAGHHH #burn my soul was amazing because of the amount of father-child time we got with ken and akito. like #ken is so important to akito. because he's the father he never got to have...! #because shinei is a[The rest of this tag has been censored due to violently obscene material.] #and ken happily took him under his wing and has treated him with nothing but the utmost patience and love and kindness. #and like that's another reason why surpassing rad weekend is so important to akito #it's his way of expressing his gratitude for everything ken has done for him...! from simply putting on rw in the first place #to stopping and talking him down from his spiral after the crawl green incident #he wants to show ken that the time he's spent supporting him wasn't all in vain. #anyway. applejack and i are going to the mental hospital forever niw

[dizzybizz]

I hope you live until the end of the day :D

YAHNKF YOU. I LIKE- GENUINELY NEEDED THAT

#NEARLY FELL DOWN MY GENDER THOUGHTS SPIRAL AUHGHVFHHHHGH #its been a day for questioning my own identity and my relationship with my own gender and all that and im in the trenches anyways #guy for now. but in a casual way. i am just some guy fr

[shih-coulda-had-it]

FEBUWHUMP DAY 7 | MADE TO WATCH | wc: 479

a/n: tw for Yoichi’s canonical hunger strike, and also a tw for a panic attack. man, I really did wish that Izuku would get to run through his predecessors’ memories during the Villain Hunt arc...

//

The nightmares run on their own sense of time, and they refuse to be quieted in spite of Izuku and the vestiges’ best efforts to stifle the memories, both foreign and familiar. Izuku resigns himself to the unpleasant task of sitting through them after All Might caught him skipping sleep for the third night in a row--what is the memory of a body crushed beneath rubble compared to All Might’s helpless expression?

This one starts off quietly, at least. An unlit room, silent save for the presence of someone breathing, slow and steady. Izuku can hardly see himself. He knows he is sitting on a warmed floor, but little else.

“You need to get out of here,” says the First, suddenly.

“I haven’t managed that in other memories,” Izuku reminds him. “What happens here? Where is here, anyway?”

“It’s my--it’s my prison. You’ve seen it before. Just not without--without the light.”

“Oh. Where All for One gave you…”

“Yes.” Without warning, the First suddenly sits down next to Izuku, pressing their shoulders together. Izuku puts two and two together--the hiccup-y, gasping tone and the trembling frame--and swallows hard. He wishes the Second, or even the Third, was here to brace their willowy predecessor. “I get out. I get out. I--I know I get out, I get out--”

“Shodaime,” Izuku interjects, and he grasps for the man’s hand, trying to anchor him by interlocking their fingers.

“I can’t even tell when this is. Do you feel it? The hunger?”

He grimaces. “Now I do.” It is a gnawing thing, scratching for attention and still successfully ignored by the memory’s version of First, who only exhales a little louder. Izuku chews his own lip, wondering how to distract the First from dwelling on this hellish existence. “What was the first thing you ate, after?”

The First coughs out a laugh, even as his hand returns the desperate grip. “Oh, you’ll think terribly of them if I tell you. They were so guilty afterwards, even though I told them that it was the best thing I’d had in--in--” His rambling breaks off into a whimper. “Kyuudaime.”

“I’m here,” says Izuku uselessly. “It’s okay, I’m here.” 

“It was a protein bar,” the First manages. “It was quite possibly the worst flavor and texture of any protein bar I’d eaten, and trust me, Kenji and Sanjuro fed me lots after they decided I wasn’t a liability.” He shudders. “Kyuudaime, I don’t want you to watch this. Not if it’s the start. Not even if it’s close to the end.”

“Think of it this way,” Izuku returns, even though some animal part of him quails at bearing witness to a prolonged hunger strike staged in the dark. “When we get out of this, I am going to ask All Might for the largest bento possible. And I’ll be sure to enjoy every bite.”

“Please do.”

#bnha #shigaraki yoichi #midoriya izuku #deku #shih.txt #febuwhump 23 #tw eating issues #tw panic attack #ask to tag #if i thought about it longer i'm sure i could wax poetic about how 'eat this' #is that unintentional generational trait #first shared between 2nd and 3rd to yoichi #how feeding someone is a way of saying i love you #eat this eat this eat this #and decades down the line all might writes a meal plan #all might tells izuku to eat a hair #all might tells deku to eat from the bento #waugh don't you ever spiral over ofa holders

[catboysalmon]

The fucking DEMONS

#FHEY WINT LEAVE ME ALONE I #iM NOT SIXTEEN ANYMORE OKAY YOU CAN STOP PLEASE #you have to stop doing this shit its fucking embarassing its unbecoming youre an embarassment #crying over fucking nothing #jesus christ youre selfish arent you #and all youll do is get pissy and angry and frustrated with yoursekf and go NOWHERE BUT DOWN #you could. idunno. take an ounce of responsibility for your own stupidity #but nooo youre just going shame spiral and drink about it. like you FUCKING always do #THAT ISNT AN ANSWER STUPID AND YOU KNOW IT. ITS JUST A NEW WAY FOR YOU TO HURT YOURSELF ON PURPOSE #you never stopped self harming you just found new invisible ways to do it #thats why you smoke all day like a fucking loser hacking up black slime #youre an ugly stupid child and you always will be