#it's ok to be weird

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Editor’s note: This hypothetically open letter was originally posted by its anonymous author on Medium and was rapidly removed as “hate speech.” We found it to be a refreshing dose of honesty, a charming and relatable open letter from one parent to other parents (not to the child, obviously!) about dealing with a challenging and dangerous moment in raising children, especially “weird” adolescents who search for their identities harder than others and risk making life-damaging mistakes in a way never before possible. We are reposting it here on New Discourses with the permission of the author.

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By: Donna M.

Published: Mar 5, 2021

My dear, sweet, son,

I’ve got to break it to you: you’re not trans, you’re just weird.

This seems like a cruel thing to point out right now. Clearly, you are struggling and feeling pretty awful about things. I can see that you are in a rough patch, and one of the first rules of parenting is to not pile on. The world is pretty heavy on your shoulders. You’re fifteen. There’s a pandemic going on. But here I come anyway. I’m about to throw more on you.

When you were two ­– a happy, chubby, little tyke in pull-ups, you watched the world with wary eyes behind the thumb in your mouth. You leapt with joy in the rhythm of the toddle music classes. You chattered and shared stories about your stuffed animals. You loved your little sister. Enjoyed cookies and finger painting. That was all pretty normal.

But you also started to count to one thousand on our walks. And you started to call out the store names as we drove around. And you preferred reading books rather than playing with the other two-year-olds at preschool. And you hated sitting in the circle when instructed. And you hated the feel of blue jeans. And you threw big tantrums when you lost any kind of game. In other words, you started to show signs that you were… weird.

The grandparents were the first to notice. They said gentle things like “You oughta keep an eye on that one,” and sent us links to Wall Street Journal articles about child prodigies. And then the other parents in the play groups started to comment; “He’s pretty intense, huh?” And the teachers were on to it pretty quickly. They started to use fancy terms like “asynchronous development.”

By third grade, we realized you were different, but we still didn’t realize you were weird. Truthfully, we’re used to people like you. Our family is full of engineers, artists, musicians, computer programmers, and a lot of “free-thinkers.” Family gatherings always have chess, political debates, and quartets around the piano. That’s just us.

And besides, you had a small but solid group of friends. There was Pokémon, then Minecraft, then Magic, then Dungeons and Dragons, then Catan. You were never in the center of things, but you weren’t alone.

But then, in middle school, things started to change. By 7th grade, school finally started to require some effort, and it turned out you were pretty disorganized. People kept calling you smart, but the teachers were annoyed at your humor, and frustrated that you wouldn’t or couldn’t follow the guidelines for assignments. Classmates didn’t appreciate your frank (if accurate) descriptions of their efforts. I’ll admit, we got pretty frustrated with you, too.

And then puberty arrived, with its triple curse of acne, braces, and bizarre growth. The girls appeared to have it all together (I know they don’t, but they do appear that way). And the popular boys seemed to know exactly what to do. They can talk sports to each other, they brag about their romantic exploits. They never get in trouble for stupid reasons like forgetting an assignment three times in a row. Your anxiety started to kick in, and it seemed like you got smaller. And some of your guy friends moved on.

So you drifted over to the weird-o crowd. Well — I’m not sure what you call yourselves, but that’s what we would have called you back when I was in school. At different schools these are the geeks, or the theater kids, the math team kids, or the artsy-fartsy kids. This used to be where the gay kids ended up, but I think they’re more dispersed now. You get some kids whose parents are going through some rough times. Some girls with anorexia. A few boys who are edgy and angry. Kids with a great sense of humor and big hearts.

And some of these kids are really passionate. Just full of righteous anger about the injustices of the world. And some of them are dramatic. And truthfully, that looks pretty attractive to you. Because you share some of that confusion and anger about the world. And though you may not be sure what you think or what you feel, you are certain you don’t want to be on the bad side. You certainly aren’t like those popular boys with their suave charm and dominating manners. You’re not like them at all.

You’re actually more like those vibrant girls who can speak for hours about their ideas. Well, you would be if you could find the words to speak. And there is something so fascinating about those girls, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. You’d never think about talking to those girls anyway, because that’d be weird. Because you are weird. You’ve never been good at chit-chat, or eye contact. Or girls. And besides, you wouldn’t want them to get the wrong impression. You understand that your peers are starting to date, but you really don’t see the point. Sex is still gross and weird to you. It’s better to just call yourself “asexual” or “pansexual.” It’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card that helps you avoid the whole mess. And your group of friends tell you that you are super cool and brave for being able to say that about yourself.

But you’ve fallen into a funk. Anyone can see that. But computer games help. And there’s always trying to beat the speed record for that one game you’re kinda good at. And that one guy on reddit always has good tricks. And the people on that message board seem to get your humor.

So when one of them posts a meme about trans rights, it makes sense that you’d check it out. You’re curious! You’re a free thinker! You’re not like the normies. And the web quiz hits home. You do feel discomfort with your body. You don’t like sports. You do wonder what it would be like to be a girl. You’ve always felt like something was different about you.

You’re right. There is something different about you.

But you’re not trans, you’re just weird.

So we’re right here for you. We’ll always be here for you. But those online folks who urge you to “crack your trans egg” and rush to hormones and surgeries don’t know you at all. They don’t know that gifted kids and ADHD kids and Autism kids and Asperger’s kids are slower to develop emotionally and sexually. They don’t know that sexuality takes time and experience to figure out, and that the majority of trans teens seeking medical treatment haven’t even masturbated or kissed someone yet. They don’t know that 80% of trans children end up becoming comfortable with their birth sex if you just give them time. They don’t know that there are increasing numbers of desisting and de-transitioning people in their twenties. They don’t realize that hormones permanently stunt your growth, decrease your IQ, and can cause sterility. They don’t know that these hormones are prescribed off-label and there’s no research on the long-term outcomes. They don’t even know that the most recent research shows that short-term outcomes are clearly worse.

They don’t realize that you’re weird. But I do. You’re weird, kiddo. You’ll figure that out in a year or two. But that’s okay. We are all weird. And I love you anyway. You’re going to be just fine.

==

You always hear stories and justifications like, "she never liked wearing a dress," or "he always hated having his hair cut." This is post-hoc confirmation bias. Not only does this confirm everything critics say about this being a movement based on gross stereotypes, but they always leave out things like, "she refused to eat anything yellow," and "he was obsessed with elevator and crossing buttons and would cry if he wasn't the one to light it up."

It's okay to be weird.

#Donna M #gender identity #gender ideology #queer theory #genderwang #trans egg #it's okay to be weird #it's ok to be weird #normalize weird #religion is a mental illness

[cowswineandtea]

OFMD is for everyone - not just for queer people. I love it for its queer representation but I think the Revenge being a safe space ship where they talk it through as a crew is just so important.

I mean, doesn't everyone want to belong somewhere where no-one judges you because of your idiosyncrasies? Like you can be the straightest of straights (or at least think you are) and still have some "weird little hobby" you don't dare to tell your friends about because you're afraid they might judge you. Ofmd shows you're probably not alone and if you open up about your idiosyncrasies you might encourage others to share theirs with you.

Also talking about feelings should be encouraged anyway. Like all the time. So many problems could be resolved of people knew how to properly talk to each other.

So I guess if more (straight) people watched ofmd the world would probably be a slightly better place. Or at least some straight people would be happier and a lot of queer people would be happier because that would mean higher chances for a season 3. Go watch it if you haven't yet!

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #not just for gays #it's ok to be weird #safe space #safe space ship #talk it through as a crew #maybe everyone is a little bit queer but they just don't realise it #renew as a crew #our flag means death #and i also learned a new word #idiosyncrasies

[song-of-amethyst]

Normalize having unique traits, habits, views, passions and quirks without needing society to normalize them.

#normalize #society #mental health #ngl whenever i see a post my heart breaks a little #like you know you're allowed to be who you are and love what you do without a high committee declaring it permissible #it's ok to be weird #it's ok to enjoy things #even if literally no one else does it and it makes you unique #ppl are too afraid to be who they are it's sad

[lilacandladybugs]

my friend told me that her boyfriend got her a super cool rock while they were on vacation together and you would not BELIEVE my disappointment when i realized she was talking about her engagement ring

#this is a silly goofy mood post pls no being weird or taking it too seriously ok? ok :) #yes yes ur engaged congrats but also why would u get me excited about a rock #when no rock #eslyea #geology #rocks

[adriles]

they are Cancelling me for dealing with my grief as best i can . also for the vicious war Crimes

#book 24 #the conversation between the gods at the beginning there is just this #greatest hits #all i say is vicious war crimes in a vague way #and you all start frothing at the mouth like rabid dogs #a lot of yall get the memo with the blorbo tags but also. seeing quite a few strange pulls #not exactly war crimes but Ok #sometimes normal vicious crimes can just be normal vicious crimes ok guys #can yall stop tagging this as israel u guys r fucking weird…. #if u see this and think it is a joke about actual fucking horrific war crimes and ethnic cleansing. u may be fucked up in the head #please be normal #will people stop commenting on this please. none of yall r funny

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[tooquirkytolose]

Dark Magicks

#my art #comic #weird little girls would be the perfect candidates to apprentice under fucked up hag witches lol #she said oh youre an evil little freak huh..ok..alright..i can work with this #\i havent done a silly little doodley comic in a while :)

[floweypilled]

the many forms of Boy

#i dont really like this #its ok my hyperdeath azzy is cute hes the highlight here #the weird blobs everywhere was me trying to fix the values but Eh #undertale #asriel #flowey #my art

[spiderversegf]

i have started asking myself “how can i make this more fun?” in regards to the things i have to do and it is such a small difference but it brings me so much delight

#🍜 #sagittarius posting #but really like i just let myself stim however i want and i let myself do my weird silly harmless stuff #i used to be sooooo self conscious even when all alone! so this has been making me feel braver in a weird and unexpected way #i love joy i will never stop seeking it out!!! #ok to rb #🦠

[sprucewoodmpreg]

[alphacrone]

no one seems happier in life than those eccentric old ladies who wear all one color or collect frogs or have wacky hair colors and usually live alone with some funky pets and have weekly book club meetings with their equally amazing friends

#ok to rb #it's my life goal #i wanna be the weird dog lady with like pink hair and too many candles

[jung-koook]

jungkook showing and talking about some of his tattoos ♡

[11/547] — until we meet again, jungkook ♡

#jungkook #jeongguk #jeon jungkook #bangtan #bts #skygifs #ok guys i know that this colouring is really weird i'm so sorry😭 #missyou♡

[1eos]

'tumblr is full of 14 year olds' wrong tumblr is full of 24 year olds who just don't do anything. and that's okay

#its not weird to be a virgin or to not smoke weed #it IS weird to have an emotional reaction to someone else not having sex or doing drugs #like if fucking n smoking was sooooo cool u'd be doing that rn! #and ofc vice versa mx robotpussy is so real #bc of who i follow i see more of the shaming ppl who don't have sex but ive seen the weird terminally online ppl #who haven't killed the cop in their head trying to police ppl who are just doing things with their own bodies #and i can say from personal experience ppl who do drugs are so chill abt it if you don't wanna smoke they won't pressure you #like it's ok to have sex it's ok not to it's weird if you care like they're not not fucking you keep scrolling

[allysketches]

uh, I don't know if crowley and aziraphale know of this popular human custom... um, hugging, I believe – but I think they'd like it a lot actually 🥺

but honestly the fact we never saw them hugging, not even once (yet!!... I hope)... a crime, really 😔

#good omens #good omens fanart #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #crowley x aziraphale #aziracrow #anthony j crowley #neil gaiman #my art #my (already almost non existent) anatomy knowledge really said “lol I'm out” for this one #and I stared at it for waaay too long to the point where everything seems weird #so I hope it looks ok?

[bastardlybonkers]

thinking about how marcille thinks that her feelings for falin are parental while the audience can see the attraction that she either cant see or doesnt want to see

parental doting, nagging her to use the stuff she bought her

this fucking cover. every single relationship pictured here being parent/caretaker and the one being taken care of.

how when marcille starts this matching scene its like a mother bathing her child, right up until falin rises over her and grasps her hand, to which marcille is very suddenly confronted with a cocktail of complicated feelings, attraction, fear, shock, confusion. this isnt just a horny scene guys Look at marcilles face, her eyes, the black background on their clasped hands. how marcille doesnt blush until the interaction is over, then slips right back into the comfortable dynamic of calling falin cute and small and inviting her into her bed

this is how marcille sees their dynamic. parental, caretaking. safe.

is it that kui genuinely meant it like this and we as an audience found a different interpretation? is it that marcille is dense to her own feelings, misinterpreting protectiveness for parenting? is it that marcille doesnt Want to understand her own feelings? is it that shes an elf, and elves generally infantilize shorter lived races? is it a conscious or subconscious method of self protection, denying herself the fact that shes in love with someone who wont even make it past her own young adulthood?

(also im gonna need you guys to be so fucking serious here if you even Think about making the claim or god forbid saying that Im making the claim that farcille is ""problematic"" because marcille has complicated and nuanced feelings for falin im going to combust)

edit for clarification: i meant if the attraction was intentional not the parental feelings lol just making sure cause i think some ppl mightve thought i meant it the other way around

#dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #farcille #marcille donato #ok honestly. #it reminds me of that early ohshc plot. #where tamaki doesnt realize and doesnt really want to realize that he has a crush on haruhi #so he appoints himself a “”father“” figure to haruhi instead to deal with his protectiveness and jealousy #and everyone else is like oh god hes being soooo weird about his crush on them...

[theloveinc]

mating press is so objectively ugly ... embarrassing

#why was i looking this up on images and ninja mutant turtle inc*st was like the fourth image??? ummmmm ok #anyway it's still happening i just dont like thinking abt what it looks like from far away #i prefer it when its not so......... x shaped? i guess #i like it better when it's more... ankles by ears man is kneeling #IM JUST SAYING #ive gravitated back to my weird toji + kids au lmaooo #cuz i made a cake today and it got me thinking abt it #when will i write something of substance please #caitie blabs