#it's not like i want to die...i just want to be free of the pain and rest finally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luveline · 6 hours

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omg jade i heard you asking for hotch reqs and i RAN to your inbox

what about hotch taking care of r after they have a lil baby?? i think if i saw that man hold a new baby id die!!!! he could hole their whole head in the palm of his hand 😭😭😭

Every time you move, your hips and more intimate regions hurt like a hot poker. You probably won’t cry, but you require some tylenol and some sympathy to carry on. “Hotch?” you ask.

Silence. You tip your head back over the armrest to find him. Even upside down, he looks handsome, sitting in the two seater with your little bundle of agony in his arms. Or, arm. The baby rests neatly in the curve of his forearm, his free hand dedicated to the baby’s small back.

“Hotch?”

“Who is she talking to?” Hotch asks your baby gently. You know what he’s doing immediately.

“You get so hung up on the Hotch thing, if you didn’t want to be called Hotch, you shouldn’t have introduced yourself as Hotch.”

You’ve been calling him Hotch for years, you aren’t going to suddenly kick the habit now.

“She was my subordinate,” Hotch tells the baby. “She couldn’t have special treatment, even if she is the prettiest subordinate I ever had. It wouldn’t have been fair.”

“I wouldn’t mind some more tylenol.”

He raises his gaze. You twist into a painful but better suited position to watch him move the baby closer to his collar, his hand covering the entirety of the baby’s small head. Hotch said Jack was a little baby too, but you’d been terrified regardless, and no matter the size, it was too big for you to come out of the ordeal unscathed. Tylenol isn’t so much wanted as required.

“I’ll get it for you,” he promises.

“Thank you, Aaron.”

“Oh, you’re welcome, honey.”

He stands and shifts your tiny baby further into his chest, little snores pressed to his collar. “You okay to take him? I’ll make you some lunch at the same time.”

“I can’t eat.”

“Just chips and a sandwich, honey. You can manage that.”

You open your arms, letting Hotch lower your baby down into your arms and the surrounding nest of blankets. “You need to go see where Jack is,” you say.

“I know,” Hotch says, kissing your cheek quickly. “I’m gonna make his lunch too. I’ll be right back.”

You cuddle your baby to your chest and lean back. Your baby Hotchner is, as previously stated, so tiny, but he’s a nice weight against you, and he sleeps like a champ. You thought easy babies were a myth until now. So far he’s done nothing but sleep and stare at you whenever you talk. You think it’s love, or the surprise of seeing the voices that talked to him nonstop while he was in your belly now out in the open. He does the same to Hotch whenever he’s awake.

You haven’t named him yet. You asked Jack for help, but he’d recommended you name your new baby Mister Awesome, so you’re at a loss for now. It doesn’t matter, though. He’ll have a name eventually. Until then, he’s the baby. And he’s very well loved.

You wish he hadn’t hurt so badly to bring into the world, is all.

Somewhere deeper in the house, Jack tumbles down the stairs, to Hotch's audible horror. “Are you alright? What are you doing, buddy?”

“I’m being quick!”

“Please be careful!” There’s the sound of a kiss. “You sure you’re okay? Yeah? Gonna go and keep Y/N company?”

“Yeah, dad.”

“Okay, thank you. I’m gonna make your lunch now, any requests?”

“Peanut butter. And chips. And pretzels. And orange slices? And–”

“How about I bring you lots of everything, bud?”

“Yes. Please. Hug?”

They must hug, though you can’t see or hear it, as Jack walks into the living room with wildly tousled hair and a smile. He climbs over the back of the couch even though he shouldn’t, dropping onto your feet, a tangle of arms and legs. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi baby. You hungry?”

“Dad’s gonna make me a sandwich.”

You reach over to collect his hand in yours, squeezing his fingers gently. You’d thought for sure that having a baby in the house would upset him, if only because his usual routine was disrupted —he’d had to make room for you first, and now suddenly there’s a new baby taking all the attention? it’s not what only kids usually want— but Jack’s an easy kid too. He squeezes your hand back, shimmying up the couch to lean on your leg. It aches, every touch to your lower half a reminder of the pain further inward, but he’s not rough. He climbs further onto your leg and rests his cheek on your shoulder.

“Is this a cuddle?” you murmur.

“Pretty please.”

“No please required.” You frown to yourself, trying to juggle the baby into the opposite arm so you can wrap the one closest to Jack around his shoulders. You manage it poorly. “Dad makes this look so easy.”

“He has longer arms,” Jack says with a shrug. His nose jabs the skin just above your chest. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t. Thank you, babe.”

Jack touches the baby’s back. “He’s sleeping?”

“Yeah. Must be weird getting to sleep all the time and then suddenly being born. At least he’s not crying.”

You and Jack lay with each other for a while, watching the baby snore as you whisper about what Hotch is making for lunch. You wish he’d brought you the tylenol before he started, but he’s got a lot going on. You’re glad he’s the one making lunch (though you can’t be expected to right now, considering). The idea of having to stand there and butter a sub roll sounds like a low level of torture.

“Don’t let me fall asleep holding the baby,” you tell Jack, your eyes drifting closed as Jack snuggles closer to your face.

“I can go get dad.”

“I’m here,” Hotch says swiftly. You drag your face to the side to see him in the doorway, two dinner trays balanced with ease in his hands despite their obvious weight and full glasses on either side. “Don’t fall asleep, I’m coming. Sorry about the wait.”

Hotch puts your trays on the coffee table and scoops the baby from your chest, leaving behind an awfully warm patch of skin.

“Tylenols on the tray,” he says, smiling at you lovingly. “You okay?”

“Fine. Jack’s gonna feed me.”

To his credit, your lovely stepson offers to really feed you, but you’re not so tired now there’s food in front of you. Your stomach groans in want.

Hotch stands looking down at you, baby somehow even smaller looking in his arms. “Need anything else?”

You hold half of your sandwich up to him. “Eat that.”

“I’m fine. My hands are full.”

“I’m not asking, Aaron. Take it.” You force the sandwich on him. “We both know you only need one hand.”

He’s cautious not to rain crumbs down on the baby. You make no such fuss, bread and lettuce falling down into your lap as you eat. Jack can’t stop giggling, “You’re not s’posed to eat like that!”

“Sorry!” you say, “I’m just so hungry!”

“It’s okay,” he says. “Dad will vacuum you.”

Hotch’s mouth is full to bursting, but his nod is vehement. He swallows hard. “I’ll mop you, too.”

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner blurb #aaron hotchner drabble #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch x reader #hotch #hotch x you #hotch blurb #hotch drabble

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theyanderespecialist · 2 days

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(Remake) Base Yandere Husk Headcanons: Consent Is Key

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins I am back with a new chapter! This one is with Husk! Hope you enjoy this! So let's do this!]

(Disclaimer: Husk is not yandere in canon this is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life.)

-Base Yandere Headcanons With Husk From Hazbin Hotel-

.Husk is a grumpy old sinner in hell, he used to be an overlord but lost it all.

.Making a deal with Alastor to save his power, and now he is on that demon's leash.

.Husk is a hazbin, having been an overlord and once at the top. He fell and now is an old shell of himself.

.He drinks, he gambles, and he wallows.

.There is one thing that does make him feel all warm and fuzzy, but he would never tell anyone about it.

.And that is you, his sweet little kitten.

.You have not been in hell anywhere close as long as him, so he kind of takes you under his wing.

.He keeps you from making mistakes like making deals with overlords or getting so drunk that you get hurt.

.He also hates when you are not being genuine or honest with him. He hates it more than anything else almost.

.He wants to be someone you can come to when you need someone, be the person that you search for in a crowd, be your one and only.

.He hates that he is not that, he thought he lost the ability to love long ago.

.So at first he will try and drink his feelings for you away, though he knows that it is not doing anything for him.

.It does not even numb the pain of not being with you, probably actually makes it worse.

.He does not remember the last time he has been able to sleep without dreaming of you.

.He does remember the last time that he has felt this way, if ever.

.You become like his new bottle of booze, his new addiction and the more he is with you the more he NEEDS you, and CANNOT live without you.

.He genuinely cares about you and wants you safe, and if anyone tried to take advantage of you, without your consent, they would be dead.

.Husk does not, and will not play around with that shit.

.Consent is important to them, for you to have your consent taken from you would make him so angry.

.So he would never force you in any way, not even to make you love him.

.He wants you to love him of your own free will and for it to be real.

.He would die to keep you safe as a yandere he is protective of you, and very much a guiding yandere.

.Guiding you to keep you safe, and a little bit of guiding in the romance to try and romance you.

.He has not dated in a long time so of course he is out of practice.

.His dream date with you is just snuggled together on the couch by the fire, him reading to you.

.That is his perfect date.

.He is also a no-nonsense or bullshit kind of yandere.

.He is not going to let you lie to him, he will not let you try and pull the wool over his eyes.

.He can be firm, but he is also understanding, especially when you are honest with him.

.He would fight a war with Angels for you.

.He does not care how hard it may be. He will win you over.

.Cause eventually he cannot live without your love, and will not live without your love.

.He has to romance you first and if he fails he will try and try again.

.How does he deal with rivals?

.First, he warns them to stay away, if that does not work, he either makes a bet with them that he knows they will lose and force them to leave you, or he kills them.

.It depends on what they did to you.

.He knows it is selfish, he knows it is not fair to you, but he has not loved like this in any part of his life, and he is not letting you go.

.He would confess to you after he romanced you for at least months.

.If you say yes, his heart will swell and he might even shed a tear.

.If you say no, he will try and try again, he will never force you, but he is not giving up.

.Consent is key and he will get you to agree of your own free will to be his and his alone!

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]

#yandere #yandere husk #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere headcanons #headcanon #headcanons #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin husk #husk x reader #reader #gender neutral reader

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nabaath-areng · 6 months

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Fuck Sweden as a nation for turning the woobification of our history and culture into one of our greatest exports, pretending to be wholesome and peaceful while profiting from conflicts elsewhere. For never having the fucking spine to take any stance ever and acting high and mighty for being "neutral", all while frothing at the mouth to get a piece of that colonial cake from the cool kids table where the superpowers are seated. For recognizing Palestine's sovereignty only to then consider a withdrawal of said recognition in response to the current genocide. For allowing islamophobia to get to the point it is now and then pointing fingers at jews as a whole. For giving less of a flying fuck about swedish jews during WW2 and until now, yet patting ourselves on the back and taking credit for heroic deeds done primarily by individuals.

I wish nothing but absolute hell and misery for Ulf Kristersson, who is even more spineless about his inaction than I thought possible. Who had nothing to say about the burnings of the torah and quran, only to claim that he stands for fighting antisemitism. Who puffed up his chest and was acting so tough about the things he would do once he became prime minister, only to hold up on none of his lofty promises in true conservative fashion. Both he and his lackeys (as well as their fanclubs of raging screaming bigots) deserve nothing but hurt and hell for continuing to destroy the lives of all marginalized groups in Sweden, all while shamelessly increasing their own salaries blatantly in the open, to then have the sheer and utter gut to declare that actively supporting genocide is within our best interests.

This country's audacity is one that only became possible because we sacrificed our neighbours safety for the sake of maintaining our own, because when your most recent war was in 1809 it's apparently not possible to even try and comprehend the horrors of modern warfare. That is, besides producing the tools for it to happen elsewhere.

#the complete disdain for compassion and humanity is abhorrent #not to mention incomprehensable #im sorry im all over the place bedridden cause bad pain day which makes me even more angry #because i want to strangle everyone in riksdagen with my bare hands #and like im sorry not to be a state hater or anything (sike) but how #and i mean HOW. can one claim that we know democracy #when the people who supposedly represent the rest of us #can just go ahead and do these types of things willy nilly as they please #how can we claim to have free will when the burdens of having to earn the right to life #by working to death and being left to die if we cant adapt to the system #and being actively drained too dry to dare take risks standing up #how can that ever be freedom?#seeing everything coming out of gaza in video audio images all of it #and feeling hopeless? powerless to do anything?#how is that NOT suppression? to break people down to the point they cant find the spirit to fight?#to cast other regular people as villains so that all energy is spent falling into bigotry?#social media is hell but its also one of our greatest tools now #its like being able to zoom out and see the greater overview of the stranglehold capitalism and colonialism has on the world #im not coherent at all and my thumbs are dying now i just #but sooner or later somethings gotta give re: the way our society is built as a whole globally

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dullweapons · 1 month

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mother of all tag dumps inbound ..... i am not booping people cause theres like 30 tags lol

here is the page on my google site that lists them all ... i think ? may have missed someone but ill double check later

⸻ SHIP : ayrin / sahar ❤︎ you know you hypnotize me always ! ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray / grace ( hyliangrace ) ❤︎ you can be the match & i will be the fuse : boom ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray / lyric ( lunarscaled ) ❤︎ bleed into my mouth so i may taste you forever ; leviathan ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray / robin ( wolfvirago ) ❤︎ hold me in your arms & i die a little death so beautifully ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray / octavo ( bransles ) ❤︎ but he fell in love with the fever & i'm on my knees in a theater . ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray & ayrin / link ( uneasedregrets ) ❤︎ city of stars ; never shined so brightly ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray / volga ( volcania ) ❤︎ your blood like wine get me drunk & make me feel . ˎˊ˗

⸻ SHIP : ray / ghirahim ( flamboycnt ) ❤︎ let our love be a flame not an ember ! say it's me that you want to dismember ! ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & link ( legacyshero ) ✦ no voice to speak of your suffering but i hear you now ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & nabooru ( gerudospiriit ) ✦ so if you need to be mean be mean to me . i can take it & put it inside me . ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & bussaba ( topaz-adorned ) ✦ you with the dark curls you with the watercolor eyes ! ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & gallilea ( vairuler ) ✦ im made of sugar spice kanekalon & cinnamon : me & my bestie are the sam like a synonym ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & toba ( askganondorftobadragmire ) ✦ you take away this pain from me : the memories that haunted me ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & nabooru ( gerudosage ) ✦ oh she could have been a poet or she could have been a fool . ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & miri ( somnium-led ) ✦ dear prudence won't you open your eyes ? look around … look around … ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & eilian ( somnium-led ) ✦ im sick of apologies from people with priorities that their life matters so much more than ours . ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & ganondorf ( oocca ) ✦ want to save your men from the fire ? show me that you’re willing to burn . ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & link ( twilitae ) ✦ what? land of the free? whoever told you that is your enemy . ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & link ( obraveyouth ) ✦ who’s a heretic child ? can you make it stick now ? ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & zelda ( spiritmaiden ) ✦ why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & zelda ( telepathyia ) ✦ the moon will sing a song for me : i loved you like the sun ! bore the shadow that you made ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & zelda ( regnantlight ) ✦ can you tell me what's the point in building empty empires now? ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ray & calamity ( hylianremnants ) ✦ i know you i walked with you once upon a nightmare ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ayrin & sky ( hylianremnants ) ✦ stories of old great adventure : i want to be just like you . ˎˊ˗

⸻ RELATION : ayrin & sun ( hylianremnants ) ✦ bright & beautiful : sing me another lullaby ˎˊ˗

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khrysos-karnifex · 1 year

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When people read Y/N fanfics do they actually imagine it as themselves???? like genuinely immerse and picture themselves as being in this world with these characters and having to make decisions and be perceived?

Cause the absolute last fucking thing I want when engaging with fiction is to think of my cringe fail self. Like the one reason I love fiction is because my ass isn’t in anyway involved!! I simply do not exist in that universe thank fucking god bless I don’t have to do shit

#this is NOT hate towards people who enjoy reader stuff #it is hate towards myself if anything lol #i just simply do not understand #if someone wants to explain feel free tho #i’ve seen it a lot in #marvel #the avengers #my hero academia #stranger things #resident evil #genshin impact #wanda maximoff #natasha romonova #alcina dimitrescu #if any of you freaks (loving) wanna chime in #like the idea of thinking of myself in my head as a person is so painful to me i want to die #and adding characters i admire and think are cool into that?#my brain cringes into itself i can’t do it man i can’t

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vulpixelates · 4 months

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oijeaofi i am so tired of being sick 😩👎

#sorry i need to complain about how sick i feel and didn't want to bother anyone 😭 feel free to ignore this #turns out that blueberries are my NEMESIS and i only found this out after eating them for three breakfasts straight aofeijaoi #so my entire body is inflamed and my intestines are trying to kill me every time i eat even if it's the most low fodmap food ever #i hope things sort themselves out soon aeoifaj i've been trying to ween myself off of taking so much ibuprofen but like #i'm just in so much pain all of the time 😭😭#unless i eat like. the blandest food in the world and also lay flat on my back all day and stare at the ceiling which makes me want to die #i had been in kind of a good place where i wasn't getting tummy sick as much but lately it's been so bad #i've quit all caffeine now too hoping it will help so i'm exhausted from that aeofiaoijf it's just a disaster #and i've been having cold-like/allergy symptoms for like a month lmao awoiefajoi it's just never ending!!!#even my period gives me flu-like symptoms #i need to go to a doctor about it but there's not much they can do for half of the things that are wrong w me aoijefaoi #i feel like the most they'll do is give me muscle relaxers for the tmj and i don't want to be on heavy duty meds like that aiewojf #uuuggggghhhhhhhhhhh #*dykeposting

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kabutone · 5 months

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like not to sound like some edgy piece of shit but that is also why horror is like such a breath of fresh air to me lmao like in almost all the horror media i've seen

#like horror media is the most accurate representation of real life for me cause . life is suffering!!! life is pain!!!#everything fucking hurts !!!!#like i really liked that there were multiple suicidal characters in made in abyss #or at least a common theme was that death is sometimes the one and only way to relieve your suffering #bc thats true! the best day of my life will be the day i die bc i will not be in pain anymore !!! <3 SO TRUE MIA !!!#even the characters that werent horribly deformed like mitty and irumyuui. vueko wanted to kill herself bc of trauma #and saw my beloved i LOVE SAW !!!!! and i FIRMLY BELIEVE that saw is just like real life <3 #bc a lot of the victims arguably did not deserve to die. they did not deserve to be “tested”#a lot of good people suffer irl and a lot of bad people get away with what they've done #and sometimes you wake up in a situation that is not your fault but theres nothing you can do to get out of it #sometimes you are forced to endure something that will maim or kill you #and if ONE PERSON decided it was not worth it to hurt you you could have been spared.#and sometimes you panic bc the easier option may be letting yourself die but you wish it wasnt #you wish there was a key or that someone would come and free you painlessly but there isnt a third option #sometimes its immense pain and then death or just death. and you can only pick between those two #sometimes all the fucking tables are turned against you and you can do nothing to fight back! ultimately you just have to take it #and nobody is coming to save you either. someone picked YOU to be the one to suffer and die and now you just have to endure it

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the-furies · 7 months

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everything is fuck everybody suck [<= can't sleep. The wires.]

#pk;m Electrochemistry🔴#UHHHHH ON THE OTHER HAND THIUGH IT DOES FEEL LIKE A WEIGHT'S BEEN LIFTED OFF OUR SHOULDERS THAT'S COOL!!!#hitting our brajn with a stick. we r cringe but we r free etc. etc. repeat ad nauseam #it is funny how the paranoia just Stopped. in a few hours. outta sight outta mind!! I guess!!!#ANYWAYS THE NERVE PAIN UH OH! well. well‚#ImSure eveyrtuing will be Fines tjis month about it :) <= will probably draw every day this month Litcherally #DW WE R DOING THE STRETCHING & ALL AND TAKING BREAKS N SHIT AUGH auth just overdid it a bit fhsjakxjcjc #goig 2 take Some pain meds abt it though it's not Bad bad anymore but still Noticably There .#OH FUCK WE HAVE DRAWTOBER TOMORROW /TECHNICALLY TODAY!!! FUCK DAMN #wlel. we have ideas 4 how to go abt finishing the sketches I thuink logic just wants 2 clean his sketch ip #& do some paintingy shit 2 it #WHicj is Not Difficult. easier than fuckin *cell shading* GOD #'Ol cell shade mine :3' guys how abotu I Die instead.#4 my drawtober day when we get 2 sketching it Draw me in the family guy death pose [JOKEwait that'd be so funny #hodl on...... hhHDJDJFJCKXK #sorry im deranged on main Im losing the fucking plot for realsies. oops. um. you see <= fuit gumnie aftermath

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vamp-michael · 2 years

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I hate seeing doctors because in general it's just extremely depressing and at this point it's hard to hope for anything but the stupidest part has to be that the entire time I'm sitting there going "I know they think I'm weak" when they give 0 real indication of that and it makes me want to lash out cause like

I simultaneously feel like I should be able to Just Get Past This If I Could Push Myself Harder while also knowing that what I'm dealing with is shit that almost no one I know would be able to live with and even attempt to be half as functional. I know that sounds egotistical but when I hear most people talk I'm just like "you would not last a day dealing with the degree of chronic pain I have" and I both feel the need to be acknowledged for doing better than I should be for how hard it is and if anything feel worse when anyone actually does tell me that because it makes me think of myself as someone weak that they're trying to make feel better because they're obliged to and really it makes me more weak for needing to be made to feel better when I can't even pull my weight in the first place.

I know that it's not actually my fault whether they think I'm weak or not because if they do thats just them seeing all disabled people as weak and I Know this comes from the internalized ableism of seeing what the average person can do as the Absolute Bare Minimum that I should be doing in order to justify existing as a person and that's the real issue I need to address but honestly I don't know if I'm ever truly going to be able to believe I'm worth existing otherwise when I'm always going to be a burden on whoever has to help look after me and may never get to be a Real Adult because of that

#txt #i want to smash my head open with a rock #anytime i have to think about what it is im living with i feel like shit and want to die #and the doctors im seeing now think its likely ill never be headache free #and will just be able to get to a more livable degree of pain through meds and better sleeping habits #and ill take more livable its better than nothing but it still Sucks #the idea of having to fix my sleep schedule also sucks ass i hate that shit #looks like my issue is most likely Not csf leak after all but as usual nothing is clear and we just have better chances at it helping to #try migraine treatments again instead #ableism tw

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murobrown · 2 years

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#new ability unlocked....✨health anxiety✨#I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired of panicking all the time because I feel like I'm going to pass out ot throw up #or constantly googling health symptoms what makes me feel thousands times worse and definitely doesn't calm me down #one day I'm sure I'm getting a heart attack on next day I have a brain tumor then epilepsy then I go for aneurysm...#fucking funniest thing is that it's been going on for two months and absolutely nothing happened to me #i just have constant headache nausea and pain in my stomach but I haven't passed out or threw up or anything #fuck I just want back my normal life when I'm not in constant worry #i feel like im 24/7 in a high alert panic mode so I can't comprehend anything calmly...#i feel like an animal that's constantly just running away from something #I'm scared too see a doctor because I don't even know how to explain my problems...they will think I'm completely insane...#I can't remember last time I ate something without feeling anxious and being in pain afterwards #and the worst thing is that I developed even ubhealier relationship with food by counting calories :))))#so even though I eat nothing I need to push myself into an intense workout because my brain tells me I need to burn everything #i didn't know ai could be even more messed up than I was before #but hey I lost a ton of weight and I am in the best shape I've ever been... it's all I ever wanted and it cost me only my sanity :)))))#i don't even have clothes to fit in anymore because everything literally falls down from me...#currently I'm convinced I'm going to pass out and die any second but I know I'll be alright I can't just die out of nowhere...#I'm healthy and everything will be okay...I survived so much and it will get only better #if you read this rant I typed out while hyperventilating congratulations you get a free cookie and a warm tea I'll be making #guys but seriously...do you know how to tackle this? or the only logical way is to see a doctor?#because I don't know how long can I go on like this considering from September my job should get even more stressful...#now my stress level is high like never before... just thinking about September is giving me a panic attack #aaaaand those are the things I shouldn't think about because the only thing stressing me out the most is my fucking self :)#that's the damn problem like the thing that's making me most stressed is the stress 🙃#I feel nauseous because I'm stressed and I'm stressed because I'm nauseous...makes sense #i think I'm loosing my mind...and it fucking sucks that I do this to myself for no reason at all #i have a nice relaxing day and then in the evening I decide to think about all the bad stuff and kill it all #another scary thing is living on your own without any close friends in your life and with your family hours away...it won't let me sleep #if anything happens I'm alone...if I pass out right now I need to take care about myself #i often think how long would it take to find my dead body here...and then I shake and cry because I don't want to die

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flugame-mp3 · 10 days

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SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

#theo.txt #I DID NOT REALIZE DEMON DEAN WAS NOW #DESPITE KNOWING THAT YEAH HE LOOKS ABOUT THAT AGE OR WHATEVER IN THE SCREENCAPS IVE SEEN #WHEN I TELL YOU I CHEERED AT THE END WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!! i love crowley pulling some bullshit at the last minute. classi #king of hell shit #and in the end scene where it's just mark sheppard's stellar monologue and the EYELID NOISE... chefs kiss that got me so hyped for s10 #i do think this finale got me really interested to see what s10 brings generally #AND DOESNT ROWENA SHOW UP THIS SEASON?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT IM EXCITED #rip gadreel though he was an interesting character. sad he had to die just to prove a point and blow up a cell. but a fitting end ig?? :(#i also loved cas's plan at the end though with the angel radio thing. get his ass lol #but also god i felt so bad for him. can the narrative give him a fucking break. he is trying his god damn best #the curse of free will and the curse of loving. painful but you do it anyway. castiel when i get my hands on you #also if i am not mistaken... the shot parallels to sams first death with deans death... we cry #IS SAM JUST GONNA BE ALL ALONE NOW?? I ASSUME CROWLEY TAKES DEAN WITH HIM?#OH NO 😭😭😭 SAM BABY IM SO SORRY #not that he doesnt always have a rough time but he has a particularly excruciating season. someone give this man a hug #i feel for him very deeply #'i lied' 'ain't that a bitch?' got me. i hate them. SOOOO brothers.#anyway #AAAAAAAAUGH #also why was metatron the worlds number one destiel shipper at the end of the season here im DEAD. MULTIPLE pieces of dialogue hes like 'yo #did it all for HUMANITY... for your ONE HUMAN of CHOICE... the HUMAN who motivates you...' JUST CALL HIM A SLUR WHY DONT YOU #im dead #idk what the general community thoughts are on that episode but i did enjoy it. wild fucking ride from start to finish #s9 wasnt my favorite and definitely did not hook me in the second quarter for some reason. def was not as compelling as like s7 for me but #the points that i liked i really enjoyed #loved sam resorting to summoning crowley. he wants his ass dead SO bad. i think sam deserves the world after the shit he was put through #this season #anyway overall. i am gnawing on the walls and pacing around my room at incredible speeds. what is UP with this show.#man.

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piss-stained-jorts · 3 months

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"if you point a gun at a nihilist's head, they'll beg for their life, proving it has meaning." haha yeah man cool. so like while you go to the gun store to buy the bullets I'll stay here with them. nooooo haha i'm not gonna sneak out the door with them in toe and go feed the ducks. you can totally trust me to stay here so you can Own Them and Prove Your Point lol i won't take their hand gently and let them say the darkest thoughts kept away in their heart as we look at a sunset together and contemplate why it doesn't seem to make us as happy as it makes other people. yeah we'll be here waiting while you load the gun bro we aren't planning on spilling our hearts to each other on the soft green grass as the clouds roll by. yes the gun is what will prove life has meaning that's how we will go about it and not warm grilled cheese sandwiches over coffee at a coffee shop. dude you're so wicked smart man no no don't worry about the sound of laughter in the garden

#random thoughts #i've never liked the concept of using Tough Love as a means to FORCE someone to appreciate life #tough love is just how you avoid being vulnerable as you try to do the vulnerable act of loving someone #i realized i wanted to live when my brother gave me permission to die #he didnt hold the gun to my forehead he put it in my hands and told me he loved me in the words he wanted to hear when HE wanted to die #(but in non-metaphor speak the gun was actually somewhere in dad's room and we were in the kitchen)#(he gave me my freedom and held no power or sense of smugness over me. he was willing to let me go)#(no one has ever loved me in the exact same fashion as him. i owe him so much)#(he's the only one who has ever heard my lamenting life and being alive and told me i didn't have to do it anymore. that i had a choice)#(he didnt tell me how wrong my way of thinking was or how i needed to change. he took me as i was and just....let me be)#(even if it meant losing me. because he knew the pain i felt and was willing to bear it himself if it meant i could be free)#(my brother loves in a way that i hope to be worthy of eventually)#(it's kind of funny. my dad always tells me if he could take my pain and bear it himself he would)#(but calls suicide a selfish thing. my brother has never made me such a promise and yet he lived that promise out right in front of me)#(anyway that was back in like 2017 or 2016. i've slowly come to see life as worth living ever since)

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elvesofnoldor · 7 months

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like anne rice could be such good writer if she just wrote with compassion and empathy for her characters. There was this "baby Jenks" character from the beginning of the queen of the damned and her story was so afforded so much genuine love and compassion it was literally my favourite part of the first part of the book. Baby Jenks' story reminded me of some of the best Sandman one-off characters' story tbh, it was that good. Wish Anne Rice always write with so much love and compassion though. Anyways, It's no wonder, tbh, that Baby Jenks character is actually Claudia (lestat wept for that girl because he was weeping for Claudia from his life, pretty sure at this point Anne Rice consciously projects her own motherhood onto him). maybe at that point in anne rice's life, she has heard enough about things like re-incarnation and all the better places one can go to after death that all that stuff is allowing her to started to make peace with the tragic death of her late daughter?? but i wonder if she ever got to walk out of her grief? cause idk? she kept writing vampire books??? to the end of her life???

like it's honestly such a mess that she wrote IWTV in response to the very tragic death of her daughter. I have to be honest, i cannot begin to imagine just how painful it is to go through something that traumatic, but i also felt like writing a psychosexual gothic horror vampire story is not exactly therapeutic either. It's kind of funny that it takes getting into the vampire chronicles for me to truly understand what vampires really are. But i do, finally. Vampires are not weird fantastical creatures, they are not Death itself, and they are certainly not Life Everlasting. Vampires, like ghosts, are simply a spiritual embodiment of the very rejection of Death. They are very effective device to examine the human condition, because we as human beings all fundamentally reject the inevitability of death and obliteration of the self we currently possess. We inherently fear change, fear loss, the changefulness of life, and the annihilation of self. Vampires embody a certain state of mind that's frankly universal in humans. But I don't think Anne Rice always wrote her vampire chronicles knowing vampires are??? if she ever knew??? Definitely not at the beginning though, when Louis was definitely just her self-insert and he brought Claudia to live with a theatre of vampires and they live happily ever after. I mean, midnight mass really got the Point when it says "the only way to achieve True Immortality is to accept and embrace death, and because vampirism is inherently about rejecting death, it will NEVER be life everlasting". Honestly the only reason that motivated me to read more Vampire chronicles is....well...i wanna know if Lestat can just? idk, be happy? be free? But this dude kept trying to get together with his abuser and i honestly don't even know what to say. Really i do not understand why Anne Rice kept making it happen. I have seen zero evidence that Louis changed to become better person and someone actually deserving Lestat's love. And more importantly, idk man, im not a psychologist but can you stop being a p*dophile??? so um. humm. i don't fucking know about this, lol. Like, im gonna be fucking real here, fuck all that "lestat was a bad person" " lestat was manipulative" shit, please grow a brain!!! Lestat was a good and loving person!! Period! all his bullshit has to do with the fact that he died a horrific and traumatic death and was never able to free himself from the pain and despair that trapped him in his vampiric state. But to let go of his pain and truly be the good person that he always was again, it'd require him to...well, embrace true death. But since Lestat will never end im guessing he will just have to stop being a bonafide vampire and become some sort of dark fantasy faery creature lmao. I'm starting to suspect the reason people think prince lestat trilogy is cringey because her vampires just...aren't even vampires by the end of it lol. Im suspecting that Anne Rice literally had to come up with some fantastical mumbo jumbo to justify her vampire characters finding happiness because these bitches kept walking into the sun and they kept not dying from it. I mean, lestat croaking for reales is kind of depressing so MAYBE i will take this shit. maybe i will still read the prince lestat trilogy lol. I heard there is bloodborne lore in there.

#mae overshares #i dont wanna say it but i think i finally decided to get into vampire media cause i was just fucking depressed #ok my life sort of fell apart mid 20s couple of years ago and i hadn't talk about it and i never will #and it was why i went back to tolkien. i had to escape into tales of elves (immortals) to numb my own pain #but for the longest time i was crying all the time just thinking abt the possibility that my loved ones will die #i was so scared that i will never see my grandpa before he passes. im still mortified tbh #i can't face the changefulness of life. and i longed for everything to stay the same. for lack of loss #im afraid of aging. im afraid to turning old. you know. regular depression shit #and im raised buddhist!!! and a key buddhist teaching is that you have to let go of the self to be free #the only way to life Everlasting to stop being obessed with the current consciousness you possess #you have to accept that the person you are now WILL disappear. but you will never end #i know exactly what Life Everlasting is supposed to be and i still! wish for fairy tale immortality!#faith is nothing in comparison to pain. pain overwhelms everything. faith. reason. knowledge #i think maybe tumblrinas are just crying for help when they casually joke abt getting immortality from vampires #cause for the first time in my life i got the morbid humour? i was like 'haha yeah if a vampire came and kill me i will say thank you <3'#i was like 'the thought of becoming some sort of horrid creature is kind of cool as long as i stay young forever <3'#'esp if said horrid creature wants to fuck me <3'#honestly. it's really hard to let go of pain. and my pain was nothing compare to the shit a lot of people had to go through #it's so EASY to become trapped in your own pain and grief

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lusalemaart · 8 months

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Emo vent lad ForShittening study

#dont want to practice and do studies? well i have good news for u .its like that Simpson's meme #Art Studies can be converted into F*rd*K*l* pieces and works #In an excruciating amount of pain. Pain progressive. Head obsessive. Outlet Compressive. (i got bars)#I just dont have a will to live bruv #I come from a long line of lighthouse keepers. 🎵It's bright. But very lonely insiiiiide.🎶#After four straight days of wake. I BEGIN TO HALLUCINATE. I see you feeding me blueberry pieee~🎵#Actually. its not that i dont like doing studies. i do. its so much more enjoyable actually rather than free drawing for the most part.#for me anyways.(bc im a bad artist with no skill who overcompensates by overrendering anywho)#but im just. in a lot of pain. so. emo boy only. in so much pain. convinced im actually dying. pain. shoulder keeps seizing and its killing #me. cant take the pain anymore. everythings swollen. want to die. want to die cant take it. cant fucking take it anymore.#when im in extreme EXTREME pain i only want to draw u my Vent Heathen. bear the pain alongside me. i feel less alone.#simply by imagining this bastard. Have you seen this man? well now you have. and im sorry for your loss.#everything hurts everything hurts everything hurts everything hurts everything hurts everything hurts everything hurts #wah wah wah eah eah im a crying baby wah wah wahwhawhah goo goo gah gah gah gah goo goo hands are twitching shoulders seizing collar is #aching scapula is burning biceps are swelling #want to die flesh is deteriorating. im dying everything hurts. neck is tendering. its so bad its so bad rn its never gonna get better i #want to DIIIIEEEE #AHHHH #also. i see your 'my art looks like shit when i flip the canvas' and raise to you my version: 'my art looks BETTER when i flip the canvas #sometimes and thats unfortunate bc i very clearly drew this flipped as i dont part his hair on that side and his aquamarine earring is #usually reserved for his left ear ahhhh!!!!!! but. since both those things are subject to change. i let it slide bc it looked better flippe #ooga booga. oh well. doesnt matter. nothing does. dont care. i dont care i :(#botdbs #fk #me on my vent shit #oh and i could leave it flipped too bc he dont got his frrs scar. yet.#but trust me. one day. Diseased man.#'i only dwaw my emo wighthouwse boi when im in extreme pain and hopewess uwu' *Draws literally nothing else but my emo lighthouse boy*#perpetual cries for help. what can u do. if i draw emo and concerning shit thru green haired man itll look like im not serious about it lol #I'm not like other girls. I started graying in my late teens.

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satorena · 9 days

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❛ UNPROFESSIONALISM ! ❜

⟡ content warnings. explicit content. foul language. ceo!satoru. secretary!reader. mentioned past flings. fondlīng. fīngerīng. afab!reader. p in v. unprotected. brēēding. squīrtīng. gojo satoru is his own damn warning. 4.9k.

⟡ serena's note. oh if y’all knew the lengths i went thru just to post this damn fic. . .

“ugh, this is such a painnn!”

“the sooner you finish your paperwork, the sooner you’re off, sir.” you sigh, arms crossed over your chest. you’re used to your boss’ childish antics by now, having worked side by side with him for nearly a year. you check the time on your watch, “work ended about half an hour ago— you might want to hurry up.”

“but y/n!” he drags out your name, voice all whiny and pitched in a telltale manner. he pushes himself off away from his desk, chair rolling back from the impact as he lolls his head back. “this shit is sooo lame. didn’t i hire nanamin to take care of the boring stuff? how come he isn’t here handling this god forsaken load of terrorizing agony?!”

you click your tongue, clutching tighter at the clipboard in your hold. you wonder if he’d been dropped on the head as a child, his lack of self-awareness so painful it makes you reconsider if the check at the end of the week is ever worth it. “he’s scheduled the week off to keep his wife and newborn in check. he signed off about a month ago.”

he snaps his head up so quickly, you’re positive he’s gotten whiplash. gojo blinks at you through big blue eyes and snowy lashes, a dumbfounded look on his face. he lifts his index to scratch at the corner of his lips, and cocks his head to the side, “ahh. . . ‘s that right? wait— nanamin’s a dad?!”

you feel the vein in your head inevitably tick.

“sir,” you let out an exhausted sigh, completely baffled by his ineptitude. he must purposely choose to do this to you, there’s simply no other explanation. “we attended his wife’s baby shower a few months ago—the one you mistook for a bachelor party and had me escorting the escorts back home.” you lift your pointer finger, brows cinched as the memory burns into your mind. he tilts his head to the side, affirming the idea of his cluelessness even more.

you raised a second finger, “we showed up to the hospital to congratulate them on their baby— and you got them that ridiculous cutout board of yourself that sings when you press on the—”

“the button on my dick, yeah!” gojo cackles as if it’s the funniest story ever, as if you hadn’t need to dump a bucket of water on the cutout figure to get it to shut up before he could get his company sued for emotional distress.

you huff, the stressful reminder of that unfortunate day having you anxiously tugging at the hem of your skirt, “yep. that’s the one.” between the baby’s obnoxious cries and exaggerated mecha-gojo moans, you’d rather not think about that encounter.

“and this whole time i figured she was his sister,” gojo snorts, wiping a faux tear from the corner of his eye. he sighs when his laughter dies down, and pulls him chair back into his desk. “man, his wife’s a babe. guess that explains why she looked at me all crazy when i called her fine the other day.”

“you sure that’s the only reason?” you mutter under your breath, the insult flowing off your tongue so naturally that you couldn’t help stopping it, even if you wanted to. that man was all kinds of deranged, his ego and head much bigger than it needed to be.

“ouch, that’s mean, doll.” gojo pouts, clutching at the material of his blazer above his heart. the back of his free hand lands on his forehead as he dramatically leans back into his seat. his eyelids shut tightly, “you’re wounding me. ‘m too young to die. i can’t go on like this— tell my mother i loved her. sign off my will for me, wouldya? make sure to terrorize nanamin some more. oh, and empty out all my search histories. wouldn’t wanna ruin my reputation. and get rid of my porn magazines beneath my bed. ‘ve got some pretty nasty stuff there. and check up on my kid every now and then. and—”

“alright, alright. i apologize.” you cut his rambling off before it spiralled into something far worse. there’s a full headache throbbing at your temple, your feet ache from your heels, and your stomach rumbles in hunger. you’re ready to go home now, but that won’t be possible unless your big man baby of a boss finishes up his task. “i’m sure you’ve a very suitable man. many would be grateful to have you. my apologies, sir.”

he peeks through an eye, a smug smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. his beaten-puppy look is quickly replaced by one you know far too well now— the look he gets after beating his rival company in terms of stock. the look he gets after successfully shitting on his higher ups. the look he gets after getting you to cum on his fingers after a long day— you’ve stroked his ego. “i’ve trained you well, princess. always flattering me, ohh, however did i get so lucky?”

whatever have you done to get so unlucky? “time’s ticking, sir. you can’t afford to pick up megumi late from practice again.”

“nanamin’s wife might be a babe, but you’re a gem, y’know?” your boss entirely ignores you, leaning his elbow onto the pile of work he’s now completely erased from his existence. he leans his cheek into his palm, fingertips tapping at the side of his head. “one helluva girl. i mean it— i really lucked out with ya.”

you cross your leg over the other, shifting your hips over the suede material of his couch. you recognize the sultry undertone to his voice, and your clear your throat, “is that so?”

gojo chuckles, flashing you all thirty two teeth, “i mean it’s not everyday you find a woman with your patience. god, you must be in love with me or something.”

you roll your eyes, despite the small smile that creeps up on your lips, “that’s certainly not why i stayed,” which wasn’t entirely true, but it’s not as if you haven’t inflated his ego enough today. “you may be a handful but your pockets sure are generous.”

“wouldn’t kill you to make a guy feel good about himself from time to time, ya know?” he fiddled the black pen between his fingers, twirling the object from knuckle to knuckle. he pauses when you don’t answer, noticing you noticing his finger movements. and so he proceeds with a smirk, “you’re always so tense all the time. . . tell me, when’s the last time you’ve been properly fucked?”

you nearly lose the grip on your clipboard at his audacity, the question throwing you off guard. though, you quickly keep composure— a fierce facade that’s always labelled you as the calm and collected kind. though, you’re doubtful it worked against your own boss.

“that’s an unprofessional question, sir.” you grit through teeth, nails scratching at the wooden back of your board. highly hypocritical of yourself, as you’re absolutely no better than he is— having already opened a window of no return that fateful night you accepted his invite to come inside his home.

“pretty sure we’re past unprofessionalism.” he pushes himself off of his desk, rising to his feet. your eyes trail his movements, from the index finger that hooks at his tie to loosen the knot, to the cock of his head to the side that has his hair bouncing, to the sound of expensive shoes clicking with every stride closer to you.

his presence can be oddly intimidating at times— you’ve noticed while working with him for a while. there’re moments like whenever he steps up on a podium in front of thousands of people, or when the elevator doors slide open and presents him to the building. despite his childish antics, he exudes an aura so enchanting that serves as reminder of that at the end of the day, he’s the boss.

you swallow, eyes following his lean figure until he stops right before you. it’s hard to read him in moments like these, when he’s so unlike himself (or maybe finally truly himself). his hands sit in the pockets of his slacks, legs parted enough to entrap your own legs between his, as he tilts his head forward. his irises darken behind tinted shades, bangs curtaining the raise of an eyebrow.

“unprofessional?” he repeats, and your eyes narrow at him, subconsciously gripping at your board tighter. it’s the only thing that you seem to have control over, since it clearly wouldn’t be this conversation. “you mean like that time i had you creamin’ all over my fingers in the back of my car? or unprofessional like that time you bent over my desk and came all over my face? or was it that night when i had to tie your hands together to keep you from runnin’ away?”

your gaze flickers away from his, the heat of embarrassment creeping from your neck all the way to your face. he wasn’t wrong— your relationship with him had passed morally ethical the moment you pulled him in closer to kiss you instead of pushing him away.

“we’re still at work.” you quip, the last bit of resolve tattering away the longer you feel his eyes on you. your roll your ankle nervously, thighs tightening against another.

“work ended half an hour ago sweetheart, remember?” he reminds you, voice as taunting as ever, and you sure as hell don’t need to see him to know he’s smirking. right side of his lips pulled with a moon crescent dimple on the side— he’s making fun of you. “forgettin’ already? can’t have my adorable secretary so overwhelmed that it’s meltin’ her brain. that should be my dick’s doing only, of course.”

you click your tongue, eyes casting back up to stare him dead in the eye. naturally, he’s already meeting your own, with the same damn smirk you’d predicted, “you have paperwork to finish, sir. better get on that quickly.”

“oh?” he laughs at your command, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest at his hips. he runs his tongue against the top row of his teeth, and you hate the way your mind instantly travels back to days prior when you’d once had that same tongue working in and out of you.

he hums in faux thought, tapping his index against his chin. his lips fall into a pout before instantly stretching back to its default state, his infamous smile, “i suppose you’re right. come help me finish then, hmm? teamwork makes the dream work.”

you’re skeptical— you know him too well, but you’d rather divert the focus of attention from you to those papers. anything to prevent your mind from wandering off further into endless unprofessional possibilities. “lead the way, boss.”

he curtsies dramatically as you rise to your feet, stomping over to his desk. you notice he’s got shit done, and you’ll most likely be here for a minute. and so, you stand next to the chair he’d abandoned and pick up the pen, waiting for him to sit so you both could get started.

only you should’ve known you’d fallen right into his trap the minute you agreed to his ridiculous offer. you feel him pressed up behind you, lurking over your shoulder to study whatever you had going on. he’s unreasonably tall, frame so large it has you feeling frail in his presence, and his cologne so strong you feel it already clouding your judgement.

damn it all.

clicking your tongue, you tilt your head to the side to narrow your eyes, “well? are you not going to sit?”

gojo blinks at you, “how come? i enjoy the view here much better anyway.”

you roll your eyes, before turning back to his desk. he was a complete idiot if he thought you hadn’t already anticipated his next moves. the more your wrist flexes, mumbling the words you read on your sheets as you write them down, the more you felt him. you could feel the back of your thighs meeting the from of his, you could feel his bulge rubbing at your ass, you could feel his warm breath fanning at the slope of your neck.

damn it all.

“sales have risen to a—ahhn!” your pen falters in your grip, scribbling on the white sheet as it hits the desk. your eyelids shut close, teeth clamping down on your bottom lip as a warm mouth kisses at that sensitive spot behind your ear. your palm lays flat against the surface of the table, side by side with gojo’s, body tensing as his mouth trails down lower.

“oh you bastard,” you mutter, shaky hand attempting to grab the pen in an unsteady hold. his chuckle rumbles deep from his chest, and you feel the vibrations against your back. you’re determined to stand your ground, despite the urge to push your hips back into him. he may have soft lips and an annoyingly hot voice, but you would not falter— no matter the moisture of his breath sending shivers down your spine.

you think you have it set in stone, the pen in your hold— albeit unsteady— despite his large hand creeping up your thigh. every trail of his touch leaves an electrifying feeling, and you’re sure he’s noticed your trembling knees if the way he subtly slid his leg in between yours to keep you steady said anything.

it’s when you’re ready to scribble out your mistake to replace it that he decides to plunge his canines to your jugular. the moan that erupts from you is squeaky, your hand clutching tightly at the pen as your back arches into his chest from the painful pleasure.

gojo nibbles and sucks at your skin, running his tongue over the throbbing area to soothe the pain, fingers trailing closer to your now aching core. you’re positive your skirt has now hiked up with how much your hips are pushing back into his, head lolled forward.

“aweee, what’s the matter sweetheart? ‘s too much for you already?” gojo coos, sultry voice sending chills from the shell of your ear down to your core, finally slipping his hand inside of your skirt. his fingertips brush at your clothed clit, the material of your thong shamefully damp in arousal. you huff, nails scratching at his desktop when his index and middle finger rub painfully slow circles at your clit. “but we’ve barely done anything? tsk, can’t afford slowing the company down because you’re too distracted to focus.”

your thighs and arms threaten to give out, body heating with lust and desire. you want to say you hate this, that this is against your typical work ethics, to tell him to fuck off and do the work himself. but the focus on your pussy really has you melting puddle, bottom lip tugged on to suppress any louder sounds to escape.

“y-you’re the worst.” you complain, though it fades into another moan when he pushes his thigh up in between your legs. you’re internally thankful, because had this gone any further, you’re certain you would’ve sunken to the floor.

“love you too, pretty girl.” he presses a kiss at your jaw, fingers pushing past your panties. fuck any resolve you’d held onto— you chuck the pen far away, planting both palms down as you allowed him to take control. every rub of his fingers at your clit had you dripping down his thigh, to where your hips shifted and rolled down his leg, dragging out that blissful heat in your gut.

“givin’ up already? y’didn’t put much of a fight this time, can’t say i’m a disappointed.” his free hand grips at your thigh and trails up to your hips, resting at your flesh to guide you down his leg. he’s all too enthralled by your sensitivity, gaze zeroed in on your expressions— from the slackness at your jaw to the way your brows furrow.

“just h-hurry up already,” you grit, eyelashes fluttering as your eyelids lift. your gaze meets his instantly, and gulp at the hungry look in his eyes. his skin is already flushed pink, lips parted as he pants heavily. “you’re no—ngh, better than i am, dickhead.”

“well aren’t ya damn mouthy,” gojo acknowledged, though clearly unbothered, as his fingers pinch at that bundle of nerve. you gasp, cunt clenching as it leaks more of your essence down on him. your head drops back against his shoulder, the slope of your back curving as you grip onto the closest thing in your vicinity— the hem of his blazer. “hm, whatever happened to my obedient secretary? always so polite and respectful, don’t tell me i haven’t trained you enough?”

“m-maybe you haven’t,” you pant, chest heaving as you feel his fingertips teasing the entrance of your folds. they’re slow movements, applying just enough pressure to ignite the spark in your guts but not enough to leave you wanting more. “can’t even do your damn j-job right and you call yourself boss? hah, wonder if mister geto would have this issue— fuuuck!”

“low fuckin’ blow, sweets.” gojo chuckles darkly, now two fingers knuckle deep in your cunt. he wastes no time to plunge himself inside, knuckles rubbing at your velvety walls. you clamp down on his digits, desperate to keep him in for the sake of that orgasm you craved. “and here i was ready to put this pretty pussy in my mouth. you’re dickless for a few days and catch an attitude wimme? that’s cold, baby.”

“dickless?” you cock a brow, teeth gritting as you focus all your energy left on delivering your next line. he always got so cocky whenever he had a slight advantage. “a-according to who—ooh, god, shit!”

“ooh god, shit!” gojo mocks you, a third finger now joining the others. he scissors your cunt open, the slick of your arousal simplifying the slide in. you’re dripping down to his palm, so wet despite the front you’re putting up. he knows you love it whenever he angles his fingers at this angle, the one that has you knees weak and ready to fold. “face it sweets, i’m the only one who treats this pussy the way it deserves. see how well she responds to me?”

and you wish you could negate or deny him, but unfortunately, you both know he’s correct. he’s only got his fingers inside of you and you’re already at your limit. your hips eagerly chase his fingers whenever he pulls out just to thrust them back in, the pad of his thumb drawing infinity signs at your clit. your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, knot in your tummy tightening from the stimulation.

“nghhh, ‘m gonna cum,” your hand slides down the slope of his forearm till where his wrist begins. you claw at the bone, clutching and grabbing at him eagerly. damn him and his damned fingers— driving you to mush with all six inches. “more, hah, need more— gimme more!”

“manners, pretty baby.” gojo coos at your ear, despite upping his pace. his hands reach all the right spots, pussy desperate to hold out to his fingers as they fuck your cunt open, soaking the digits in your slick. “c’mon girl, what’s the magic word? i know you’ve got it in you.”

“p-please! pleasepleaseplease—” you’re cut off by your own gasp as the dam in your stomach finally breaks. you leak on his fingers, squirting your juices as your muscles convulse, walls entrapping him in. your back arches away from him and you grasp at anything in your reach, your mouth gaped. you’re cussing like a sailor, vision blacked out beneath your eye lids as your hips twitch and stutter against gojo’s ruthless pace.

your high washes down, as you lose feeling in your limbs, falling face down to the desk. your skin is moist with heat, mouth parted as drool coats the abandoned paperwork beneath you. your body twitches with oversensitivity, thighs quaking as your last few spurts spray all over gojo’s thigh.

“don’t tell me you’re all worn out from a little foreplay?” your boss teases, his free hand delivering a blow onto your ass cheek. it recoils as you jolt, snivelling like a baby. you hear the sound of his belt unbuckling, slacks falling next and pooling at his ankles. the next few moments happen in a blur, but sooner than you’d realized, you’d been turned onto your back with your legs propped over his shoulders and your folds were being played with again, the overstimulation having your toes curling in your heels.

“anddd there we go,” gojo strokes at his bricked cock, your essence serving as lube to coat his dick. he drags his fist from the base of his shaft to the tip, both your fluids and his pre cum mixture softening the jerk. “you fuckin’ water park. jeez, maybe i should plug this tiny cunt to prevent any further leakage, yeah?”

“fucking hurry already!” you don’t whine, or so you hope, though the grip of your legs at the back of his neck does tighten. with your skirt hiked up and your panties pushed to the side, gojo has a clear view of your twitching pussy, a hole designated intentionally just for him. he can already feel the cum in his balls ready to burst and fill your womb.

“and back to mouthy she goes,” he chuckles, using the leverage of his hand at his cock to slap his dick at your folds. the impact causes you to whimper, your hands clutching at the border of the desk. you wish you could wipe that smirk off his face, but fuck if the way he didn’t rub himself against you arouse you in ways that would surely haunt you after the orgasmic high faded away.

“take a deep breath for me baby, kay?” gojo instructs, thumb brushing over the skin above your hip bone, and before you’re able to retaliate, he slides in his dick.

his length is nothing to scoff at, and although you’ve already dealt with it in the past, all that prepping he’d done earlier seemed in vain. he bottoms out quickly, balls deep into you cunt. both your moans blend in harmony, overlapping one another as you settle with the aching stretch. your pussy clenches around his cock uncontrollably, both eager to push and pull him away.

“shittttt,” he whines throatily despite the huge grin on his lips. the flush pampering his skin has gotten significantly deeper, pale brows furrowed to the centre of his forehead. his hands grip at your plush thighs, fingers digging deep into your skin, surely enough to leave bruises. the bastard— he knew you’d be forced to wear your own slacks tomorrow to avoid suspicions.

“no fuckin’ way ‘m already set to bust— hah, fuck, what in the magical pussy is this?” gojo groans, snowy hair bouncing with his head thrown back. the tighter you grip at his cock, the tighter he grips at your thighs and the deeper his breaths are.

you push yourself up to your elbows, giggling at the irony of the situation. “already huh? so it wasn’t the liquor’s fault last time.” surely you were no better, entirely stimulated and body excreting all kinds of fluids from all over, but the ball was now in your court, and you planned on taking advantage. “s-should’ve known.”

naturally, he doesn’t rise to your bait, instead moving his hips away from yours, slowly dragging his cock out until the only part left in your cunt is his pink tip. “don’t make me make you eat your words, sweets.”

you raise your hand and rest it right above his pelvis, eyes set straight on his. you’re both clearly eager and ready to go, but you still had your dignity to uphold. you drag your palm upwards his torso, nails trailing up his button-up top teasingly before clutching at his tie. with the strength left in you, you yank him down and closer to you.

the shift in position stirs his dick in your cunt, knees now pressed closer to your chest. he hovers over you, a newfound look in his eyes you aren’t ready to divulge into—he was a very expressive man after all. both your lips ghosts one over another, breaths hot and mingling. you feel fuzzy, all senses fucked but collectively drawing at a same conclusion: wanting him to fuck your brains out on this desk.

“fuckin’ hell that was sexy.” it almost comes off a whisper, his tone breathless as his eyes bare deep into your. you feel the warmth of his hands fading away in favour to cup at your waist.

you tilt your head to the side, nose grazing against his. your fingers fiddle with the hem of his tie, despite never breaking the eye contact. “you gonna rock my world now?”

nothing more has to be said as he engulfs your mouth into his, knocking the wind out of you. his tongue explores the warm cave of your mouth, no inch left untouched. you moan and kiss him back just as eagerly, sliding the hand from his neck tie to his nape. your fingers thread through his soft locks, nails scratching his scalp and tugging at the roots.

he whimpers pathetically, the pain sending courses of arousal straight to his dick as his hips slam right back against yours. his thrust is rough and deep— leaving you gasping, as he takes the opportunity to kiss you even deeper while simultaneously working on his strokes.

the curve of his cock reaches even deeper than his fingers could manage, rubbing at your gummy walls and stretching them even wider. the sounds of your bodies connecting, your skins slapping, both your fluids mixing— everything felt so wanton, so filthy. he was everywhere, so far in your stomach you swear you could feel him in your throat.

the stretch of his cock at your pussy sent a fiery feeling spreading towards all of your limbs. the squelching of your pussy tightening and clenching at his dick filling the room. he soon picked up his pace, railing into you with every fibre in his body, loving the way your body bounced up in reaction to his thrusts.

“s-shit, oh fuck— don’t stop, ngh, right there!” you begged, throwing your head back against the hard surface. you’d given up on trying to keep your eyes open, the intensity of his dick ramming into your guts so fierce, you’d never felt anything like it.

he takes a sharp inhale of breath, followed by a whiny exhale. you were driving him insane, your sloppy cunt greedily clamping on his dick as if it were its lifeline. “suckin’ me in so tight, shitttt baby, ‘s like you want me to fill this perfect pussy full of my nut.” he dives his tongue deeper into your mouth for extra measure. you’re in a turmoil of multiple emotions at once but you kiss him back— until your lips feel tender and your mouth tastes of his breath.

he was annoyingly intoxicating, whether you wanted to admit it or not. your body spoke every word you were ashamed to say, responding with his own almost too perfectly.

when he slips his thumb to toy at your clit, your toes curl in your shoes and you’re accustomed to the oncoming feeling all too well, nails clawing at his skin. your words come out all fumbled mixed with tongue and drool, “s-satoru, i— ‘m gonna, don’t you stop— fuck ‘s too much— hnng!” you pull away just slightly, eyes all dazed as they roll to the back of your skull.

“shit, oh shit, me too,” he swipes at the drool dribbling past your mouth. from there, he plants more kisses at your skin, nibbling at every inch of you. he’s rutting like a madman, pace unforgiving as he focuses on that same spot that has you mindless. he finds you prettiest when you’re this way— all obedient for him. “my pretty girl— where do i— fuck, where—”

“inside.” as if you’d wanted to kill him, just as quick the word left your lips, he emptied his balls in your cunt. he sobs, his orgasm wracking over his entire body as he slams and fills your pussy full of him. the mixture of sounds is downright sinful, and whether it’d been the focus on your clit or his inhumane stamina, you soon met your similar end.

you cream on his dick once more, legs trembling as your second orgasm washes over you. your mind gone dumb, you do nothing but lay as you take the pounding inflicted on your worn out pussy. with each stroke you see stars, breasts juggling at the match of his pace. it’s damn near painful, but in the best enjoyable way. you feel yourself getting fuller by the second as you spray more of your arousal onto him.

the high eventually comes down for you both, the room reeking of sex. you’re both panting heavily, muscles twitching from overexertion. you couldn’t recall the last time you’d been fucked to the point of a momentary blackout— but you’d be damned if you’d ever let him know. he was too busy crying over your cunt anyways.

after a moment of silence, “. . .shit.”

“what?” you hum tiredly, rubbing the back of your hand to your tired hands. god, you could barely muster enough energy to do just that. what did this man eat?

he skips a few beats, before sheepishly chuckling, the hand that’d once been tracing patterns at the skin of your thighs now moving to your side. your gaze follows his movements, and it’s only when he retracts his hand does your heart sink to your chest.

“we definitely fucked these papers up.”

. . . shit.

io baby.. if you ever end up reading this i did it :c

#stargirl★rena.#jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #gojo satoru smut #gojo satoru x reader #gojo smut #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n

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