#it's not fucking pointless it's not like I'm living the exact reason why i hate this fucking world

[watermelonsenpai]

Let's see how many anxiety and sleep meds I can take before I black out because I can't deal with being conscious anymore. Everything is fake and nothing is real, the rules are fake, they're made up and they don't matter.

#already took enough that i feel buzzed like i drank #i just wanna not feel like this anymore #i would take any drug that was offered to me right now #might hit up the giant homeless group at the park and ask if anyone wants to fight me #would love to get punched in the face so i can feel anything else #would also love to beat the shit out of someone to feel my fists make contacts with a body #is cool tho nothing to worry about #just gonna be joining that homeless group tomorrow if we can't pay $3000 lmao #i love being alive in this fake world with fake money and fake lines and people that hate other people for just living their life and being #a certain color or having pigments on their skin that make them look different and oh man gotta kill about it #gotta kill em. they look different? kill em #it's the only rational and smart thing to do obviously #you know #it's cool #being alive is cool #it's not fucking pointless it's not like I'm living the exact reason why i hate this fucking world #I'm a product of my environment #and this environment has filled me with so much rage and hatred and violent thoughts and wanting to hurt things #it's cool though #no biggie gang gang bitch #🤙🤙🤙🤙🤙 #watermelon-sempai #personalmelon

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Shuichi? I'm glad to see you finally giving Shirogane what she deserves, but I don't think I feel good about it, I don't know why, I'm supposed to be smiling about it, I'm supposed to be excited, to be happy, but I'm not! No matter how hard I try, I can't force myself to be happy about it

*sigh*

Ok...You will sit, and you will LISTEN...!

I get that you guys don't approve of me sparing her life like this. I understand you may think it's stupid, and gives way to much more chaos and death. After all, leaving Tsumugi alive invites only more chaos, right? That's what you think?

But I demand that you all just sit and think about it for a second...What DOES killing Shirogane even achieve in the end?

She'll go. That doesn't mean Zetsubou will! Even if their head is cut off, that's not going to destroy the work they've put in so far. Someone else will rise to the cause and fill the gap that she left, just like Shirogane herself did for Junko Enoshima...!

These Despairs...they're like seagulls who keep coming back for more food after getting a tiny nibble of your sandwich...! And simply killing them isn't going to FIX any of this! The world already got destroyed! Enoshima's death didn't fix that! TWO more Killing Games happened post-Enoshima because of her followers, and FIFTY-FREAKING-THREE happened in ours!

If you think that this is all part of a plan to get Shirogane to give up on her pointless dreams and seek redemption for her crimes...Pah...We all know that's not how she does things. The only reason I spared her is because her empire is falling around her, and now she's stuck being a blank-slate of a person, with no original ideas or schemes left to throw at us, knowing that taking our lives like she swears to, it won't take it all back, like I just said! For her? That's a fate WORSE than death!

Woah, hey, Shuichi...! Y-You ok?

And another thing!? Look at Enoshima! Look at Otonokoji! These Despair types defy death as a concept anyway! Let's say I DO kill Shirogane! How long do you think it'll be before she comes RIGHT THE FUCK BACK AGAIN to make us all EVEN MORE MISERABLE!?

The only thing that gets achieves if I decide to bite the bullet and take Shirogane's life is that...I become a murderer. And what's stopping me from running with that idea and slaughtering every bad guy I come across, even for petty reasons!? From becoming KURIPA!?

I would become the exact person that my real world self desired to become. When he signed up for all of this...this BULLSHIT! A sadistic murderous detective with a plan to kill everybody around him in an ingenious way...!

Shuichi, hold on-!

And you want to know what the most screwed up part of all of this is!? You guys want me to kill Shirogane because that's what YOU want! You want ME! The CHARACTER that you are watching, to enact justice! To side with Hope and destroy Despair! Sounds familiar, right? You know, that very idea that kept Danganronpa going a crapton of years!?

I am NOT going to give ANY fan of Danganronpa the SATISFACTION of watching me become a killer! Not my old self, not Shirogane, and NOT YOU! So hate me all you want for defying the expectations you set for me as a character! I am NOT your ENTERTAINMENT, DAMMIT!

SHUICHI!

...!?

I...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I...I'm just so...sick...and tired of all of this...I stopped someone from dying...and yet inside, I feel like I murdered countless others...Do you know how hard it is to justify your own actions to a bunch of faceless, merciless members of an ask blog, who WANT your enemies to be slaughtered!?

...

Shuichi...I got a question for ya...Do you consider the real Ryoma Hoshi to be who I am now, or the person I was before all this happened?

...The Ryoma in front of me is the real one, of course.

Well, you should know this Ryoma killed a whole bunch of people out or rage and vengeance. And he lived every day of his life after regretting it, even when he got a second chance to live as a free man.

...You made the right choice. I guarantee you that.

If Shirogane DOES somehow come back to terrorize us again, all she'll be doing is coming back for another beating! Right?

...Yeah...Listen...I love you SO much...Don't EVER think of yourself as anything less than one of the greatest people that exists in this world...You don't deserve to go through this stress...

*Kaede gently presses her forehead against Shuichi's, embracing him warmly as tears stream down both their faces.

I love you too...I love all of you...I don't deserve any of your kindness...

*Everyone except Kokichi and Nico huddle around Shuichi for a hug.

#danganronpa survivor #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #gonta gokuhara #kaito momota #kokichi ouma #tenko chabashira #ryoma hoshi #ask #the day the world stood still arc

[iwasbored777]

Folks who salt about the love square make no sense to me cuz I'd rather not be gaslighted or mocked for shipping Adrien and Marinette for years like similar relationships to theirs in other media where the writer more less said "fuck you" to the fans and shoved them off on whomever had unrequited love for them, renounce everything that made them themselves and basically each other, and live the lives they never wanted for themselves. Then the same writer tries talking over themselves with "it was always going to be like that" when their work and words prior contradict them.

So, yes - I'd take the "they were always endgame" than leaving it ambiguous where we (and the characters) get fucked over in the end after years of being attached to the characters and their story.

I'd rather claw my eyes out before an ending of Marinette winds up becoming evil like Gabriel and winds up alone while Adrien married Chloe or Lila and had 1,000+ demon babies ever happen.

This is the exact problem I have with romantic tragedies. For example, whenever I watch La La Land or A Star Is Born I'm wondering why did it take them a full movie to slowly develop a relationship and characters, only for the couples to either go separate ways or one of them dies. Usually when a relationship is cursed from the start like Moulin Rouge! or Forest Gump, tragic ending is expected. But when you watch a relationship slowly climb from nothing to the top and the end of the film is near and you think they will stay together but they don't for x reason, it's not as sad as it's disappointing. I'm not calling La La Land and A Star Is Born bad movies cuz they are great but the endings caught me off guard because these couples were good for each other and they helped the other person grow, the relationships were [mostly] healthy. But in the end the entire film feels pointless.

Or forced soulmatism where they mess up the relationship so badly because they rushed to get them together early in the show and they ran out of material so best they can do is make the most popular couple toxic.

But when you know they will get together in the end is still a win situation. Every other ship that wants to stand between them is worthless and even though it gets annoying you know it will pay off in the end. I hate it when they make them a couple in the last episode but if it's somewhere in the latest seasons it can be satisfying if it's done right. If they both have the required development of their characters for the relationship. Just cuz they are meant to be doesn't mean that they are ready.

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #love square sugar #Ml ask #ask and ye shall receive #ml love square #ladybug #chat noir

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #149

Do you like getting flowers as a gift? I do, even though I can't quite explain why, like they're just gonna die now. I think it's pure tradition which makes me like it, despite the fact I generally don't give a microscopic shit about traditions.

Who is one person you never get tired of? My boyfriend.

How different would your life be if “that one thing” didn’t happen? I'd almost certainly be married to and have kids with someone who didn't ultimately believe in me and was by this point probably extremely frustrated with me being mentally ill that he'd likely hate me. We would not be a happy couple. Who knows, maybe I never even would've gotten the mental help I needed.

What is “that one thing”? A traumatic breakup.

What’s the most desperate thing you did? god I am NOOOOOOT going there

Where was the last place you took a train to? I've never been on a train, actually.

What are your living arrangements currently? Are you happy with them? I live with my mom and our pets. Yes, I enjoy my mom's company, but both me and Girt want our own place by now, it's just not reasonable with the housing market.

Have you met your soulmate? I don't believe in those.

If your best friend wanted to cheat on their partner, you would say what? Well my best friend is my boyfriend, so we wouldn't stay together. In the hypothetical where my best friend wasn't my own partner, I'd definitely tell them to do the same, not just straight-up cheat. Let them go first.

Who do you know that gives very sound advice? Specifically Mazzy, they are fantastic at balancing realism with acknowledgment of emotions.

At what age did you start to feel like a teen and not a kid anymore? It was the exact day I started my period, which was 12 or 13, according to my mom.

What is your parents’ idea of grounding you? Taking away computer privileges.

Do you think art museums are pointless? ?????????????????????? does ANYBODY ACTUALLY think this?????????????????????

Do you care about looks when you’re looking for a romantic partner? I don't think I do, or if I do, it must have to be a case of extreme unattractiveness for me to notice. Me being attracted to someone has to be no less than at LEAST 90% about personality.

How many times have you moved? Officially four, but I've "lived" in apartments with Jason and much later Colleen temporarily.

Is Christmas stressful? It's not for me, yet, I'm sure because I'm not expected to get my loved ones stuff because I have no income. I already have to ask my fucking mom to get at least ONE thing for my s/o, because that's one I feel WAY too bad about not getting anything for, even though he doesn't care whatsoever. It's such a garbage fucking feeling. Historically I've always made/gotten people gifts I put a shitload of thought into and often a great deal of effort, so me ACTUALLY having money to buy gifts for so many people for a holiday will likely be really stressful for me. I'd likely obsess over something not being "good enough" or overspend.

Your best friend has a good or bad taste in music? Good, we like mostly the same stuff, but there are some small surprises. His music on shuffle is insane though haha, going from death metal to some goofy parody song.

What would your friends be surprised to see in your music library? The number of Melanie Martinez songs on my iPod would definitely surprise people, I genuinely like a lot of her stuff.

Do you like to talk about the future when in a serious relationship? Yes, it's reassurance to me that you're actually interested in staying together.

Do you like public displays of affection? Only to a certain extent; I don't want to do overtly sexual things in public, but things like simple, quick kisses or calling me a petname in front of others, I do like because it shows me you're not ashamed of being with me.

Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? For me, that's what I'd prefer. I want to see how well we operate living under the same roof until we decide to do that forever.

Do you watch mukbangs? No, I've never quite gotten the appeal. Actually I have watched people who normally do vlog-like content do mukbangs as a random thing in the past, but that's primarily because I was invested in them as people and just liked watching whatever they did, but it's been years.

How do you lose weight? What’s your favourite diet food and exercise? Gonna be full honest, historically my biggest weight loss period was from extreme undereating, like I did nothing else to cause it, and because of that I'm still dealing with it as I try to re-lose weight I gained back, but I've been at a plateau for a very long time now... which I now know is likely from how extreme my hypothyroidism is. As a teenager I lost a good deal of weight from playing WiiFit daily; I got in the best shape of my entire life with it. I have gone done a bit with physical therapy too. I haven't found a reliable - and safe - weight loss method that works for me yet as an adult...

Do you have a lot of friends? Do you have a partner? Have you ever had one? I don't have many friends, but those I do have are pretty fucking great quality. I have a boyfriend and he's my best friend literally ever.

Do you currently have any hickeys? From who? No.

Who was the last person to come to your house? Girt.

Have you ever had sex with the same gender? Totally honest I'm not really sure what the consensus is on what cis female x cis female sex is, but either way I say no.

If you’ve experienced both, is sex better with men or women? I have a feeling that sexually I'll always prefer men, but I wouldn't really know.

Have you ever been the other woman? No, I will not be somebody's second choice.

Would you ever want to be with a virgin? If no, why not? I couldn't care less. Neither of the people I've been with sexually were/are, but it wouldn't bother me at all.

Do you constantly find yourself internet stalking your ex? No, last I knew he only had Facebook and I was (rightfully) blocked, but I haven't even tried to look in a very long time. I don't look at Sara's accounts anywhere because I've learned it never, ever serves me any sort of good whatsoever so I just don't.

Are you friends with any of your exes? Not really; I don't have any bad blood with Aaron, we just haven't talked since like, the start of high school, and he deactivated his Facebook many years ago. Juan and I have recently messaged some, but I'm keeping distant and have no interest in actually pursuing friendship with him.

Do you have an addiction? To what? Internet, for sure. I've been that way since I was a kid, and it's never been fixed. I am annoyingly useless without Internet connection, like I have no idea what to do and it's seriously pathetic.

Blunts, bowls or bongs? I don't smoke, so I wouldn't know.

When you have a fight with your partner what do you do? We talk it out. We haven't had many of these at all, so I don't have a big pool of reference, but we absolutely value remaining calm (something I'm learning to be better at) and being completely upfront and honest. We put a lot of emphasis on maintaining strong communication.

Who does the grocery shopping in your house? Mom.

Are your parents still together? Hell no, I have a hard time believing they ever were lol. Dad is so like, not the person I would picture my mom falling in love with.

Have any siblings you know of but don’t actually know personally? Yes, my dad's first daughter Tiffany. Never met her in my life and know almost nothing about her; I think I've only seen a single picture of her. I love my dad but he does not get any fatherly awards, given he has nothing to do with her and very barely Misty, the daughter from his first marriage. The one time Misty came here with her kids, it was literally her who reached out to him to go to dinner and just meet his grandkids. It bothers me that it's only me and my two full-blooded sisters who seem to always matter to him.

Greatest fear? Living alone on the streets with nowhere to go.

Something most people fear that you do not fear at all? Snakes are one, I'm always stoked to see a snake.

Don’t you hate getting nice & comfy & then having to pee? UGH YES, and it sucks because I absolutely HAVE to get up and do it or else I literally cannot fall asleep.

Ever faked being pregnant? No, and these people fucking disgust me. This isn't a topic you joke about.

Ever had a major surgery performed on you? I wouldn't call either that I've had "major," no, at least I don't think so.

Which of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of? I mean at some point I experience all of them, but sloth is the one I'm MOST guilty of.

Do you believe in divorce? Yes, it should absolutely always be legal to leave someone if they no longer enrich your life. I VERY much do believe you should put immense thought into marriage and NEVER rush into it, and look into various possible futures with that partner and see if you still feel the same. I do definitely believe that a large percentage of people certainly don't take marriage seriously enough and never should've gotten married in the first place, but yes, divorce should always be an available option for people.

Is intelligence a turn on for you? Yes, show me that big brain papi

Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My mom.

Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? Oh, way better. I just don't like myself enough and hold myself to absurd standards I don't have for others.

When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? Oh, it has ALWAYS been the other person, with literally everyone I've ever shared a bed with. I have always had major difficulty with falling asleep; I even struggled as a kid. My brain just cannot shut off, ever.

Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for their child to outlive them? Both are fucking awful, but I definitely think it's more difficult for a parent to outlive their child; like you have kids being so sure that you're going out first, that you'll never have to be in a world without them again, but for plenty of people, it happens.

What is one selfish thing you tend to do? I HATE talking when I'm listening to music, specifically if Mom and I are in the car; I've controlled the music forever, and I have to admit that I get annoyed when she talks over it sometimes; unless she's literally attempting conversation, I don't reply to most things she says aloud; if it doesn't require my input, I'm not saying anything. I'm fully aware how bitchy that is, it's just this shitty thing about me I've never managed to correct.

What kinds of people do you find intimidating? Pushy, loud people that are entirely blunt and not afraid of hurting your feelings at all and are go go go 200% of the time.

Who is the most overbearing person you know? Our fucking landlord/family "friend," which I don't really consider her anymore.

How old was the first person you kissed? At the time we kissed, he was early into 18.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? It'd be nice, but I'm not so sure it's gonna happen.

Have you ever slept nude? Only accidentally, just kinda Happened and I'm very grateful I stayed under the covers because this was with my teenage bf with his parents home lmfao

How many stories tall is your dream house? Honestly a dream house for me would still be one story; I don't want more rooms than we need (just more cleaning to do) and I'm not into stairs, lol.

Do you consider yourself to be promiscuous? Entirely the opposite.

Do you have any obscure pets? No, ball pythons are very common pet snakes, and the champagne morph is popular.

Do you consider yourself politically correct? I try to be, but I do sometimes worry about slipping up with a word I didn't know was even offensive.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

[tamiddyinyourcity]

I FINALLY CRACKED THE CODE

My intimacy issues stem from people going the extra mile to make it seem like they're romantically interested in me, when in reality, they just want to fuck and get an ego boost from whatever they do!

But if I do the same, it's considered selfish, or being whore-ish. (But who the hell cares what I do with my vulva, if i wanna fling my cat six ways to hell then itll be a blessing to do so.)

And so its ironically the non-committal cheating dudes that will be like "so what, youre gonna just date someone else even if we arent a thing?"

...

Only a weak man gets insecure over that.

Who blatantly can admit they would never become a thing with me, then turns around and gets mad that i go on a date with someone who actually shows affection for me?

Who can take me on nonstop dates then suddenly make huge promises they wont live up to, and drop me off like trash on the curb instead of just telling me its too serious.... when i wasnt looking for serious, in the first place?

Who can say they want nothing more than to be with me and only me, just to change their mind three hours later, telling me that they no longer like me, and are now in love with their best friend the second they hear you two just became an item?

Who else can i open up to about my fears due to previous exes and promise they wont do that, just to do the exact same?

Oh, right... like.....

All of my ex boyfriends.

-----------------------------------

There's a reason I told myself I wouldn't get tied down this summer, and its since deep down i know that i can be seen as beautiful and amazing to someone one second, then the next second, nothing but a place to dump their loads and swear at whenever they feel fucking upset.

Why hold myself back? Ive got a long history of men doing the whole "I wanna hook up, but i wanna feel something too!", and egging on more in the most pointless ways possible. It never leads to anything good. Just things like being ghosted on for plans on Christmas Eve and sitting in my bedroom wondering why things couldnt work out, laying next to men who stopped caring about me once they nutted, and overall hating every single thing about this shit.

And like...

Now I met this one dude. Hes a cool guy, we met at a few cool networking party events maybe a year ago: I thought they were cute, but I was like 17, and they lived extremely far away.

And either last month or earlier this month, I ran into them in public, heading to the same event. Guess what? Now I'm of age and they're now much closer, since theyve moved to my area.

Hell yes.

To make a long story short, theyre sweet, and its been maybe three days but my legs still feel sore. I.... Just feel nervous.

One second it's "I'm gonna play the field, lets be a hot girl for the summer!", to having breakfast with someone i spent the whole night kissing with.

Its a crossroads of what I really want.

Do I want sexual freedom on a path with like, no ending, or someone I'm relatively compatible with who i might fall off with some day or another?

.....

It REALLY doesn't help that my intuition for several of my previous exes worked, even the most surprising ones, so.... it's also a crossroads between "bitch are you really gonna ignore your intuition?", and "bitch is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never even gave it a shot?"

A cross between "give myself huge paranoia and spare a heartbreak" and "spare potential paranoia and walk into something where ill be afraid to walk out of again".

Lots of fears.....

Hell; even my last "somewhat official" boyfriend made me almost wish I had never freaking met him. Its overwhelming as fuck. Im emotionally withdrawn and my self esteem only had JUST risen..... im just sorta scared and this shit really isnt helping.

So i guess i possibly like this dude.

#sigh #my emotional maturity is gone and reappears every few paragraphs in this writing #romance #love #crushes #intimacy issues #exes #loveness