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#it's almost more effective this way. it really feels like something we were never meant to see
twinkle-art · 1 year
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thumbnails for a scrapped comic regarding the question of who shou would be willing to finally cry in front of. no matter how many times i drew it, i couldn’t get the last panel to feel right
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rebelliousstories · 3 months
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Jasmines and Vanilla
Relationship: Spencer Reid x Reader
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Request: No
Warnings: Fluff
Word Count: 2,869
Main Masterlist: Here
Criminal Minds Masterlist: Here
Summary: A certain smell catches Reid’s attention in the bullpen.
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American poet Diane Ackerman once said, “Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains.”
There was absolutely nothing remarkable about today. It was a paperwork day, which meant staying in the office. No flying on the jet to go stop an unsub in some other part of the country, or hopping in their government issued SUVs to find them on their home turf. The whole BAU team was stuck in the office and it was glorious. Having just come home from a case the day prior; everyone was excited about having a paperwork day to relax.
“Ugh, don’t get me wrong, I love these days where were not jet-setting across the country. But why do they always feel like they pass by slower than when we are going all over on the governments dime to stop bad guys?” The bored voice of Emily Prentiss called throughout the bullpen.
“An increased dopamine rush to your brain increases your internal perception of time. But dopamine and adrenaline cause such similar reactions inside your brain, it has the same effect leading to you feeling like time passes much faster when we’re in the field and-” Spencer was quickly cut off by the aforementioned agent.
“I really should know better than to ask after all these years.” Reid cast his eyes back down to his paperwork and felt embarrassment creep up his neck. In all honesty, he should be used to that after all these years but it still never got any easier to have someone shut him down. Turning back to his paperwork, he ignored the scoffed chuckle from JJ and tried to recenter himself.
There was no unusual sounds from the area heard for a while after that. Or maybe there was, but Spencer chose to bury himself in his work so that he would be less likely to go on an embarrassing factual rant. He did not know how long he kept his nose buried in the case files on his desk, but he knew what drew them out of it. A collective confused noise from the women around him, and perfume.
It was unlike anything he had smelled around the office, and it caused his head to perk up. In walked a woman around his age, yet much smaller than him, even with the heels she had worn. Her hair was curled up and out of her face, reminding him of the victory rolls worn during World War II by the working women of the era. In fact, her entire look reminded him of that era. She wore a type of secretary’s uniform from the era, had on red lipstick that complemented her features nicely and a winged eyeliner that drew attention to them.
A visitor’s pass dangled from on of the lapels. She was obviously here on purpose, but for what purpose, no one knew. But what drew him in, was that smell; the smell of her perfume. It was intoxicating to him. How he was this way about a woman he had never met before, let alone knew the name of? All he knew was that she had enraptured his senses in less than a minute, fifty-six seconds to be exact.
Heels clicked into the bullpen, and a tidal wave of color followed. It was almost comical seeing Penelope standing next to Derek, who had opted for all black for his relaxing day in his office. The clicking stopped shortly after the pair locked their eyes on to the new woman out in the middle of the floor.
“Who is that?” Garcia squeaked out, unable to pull her eyes from the mystery woman. Morgan’s eyes were glued to the same place, but he went to go introduce himself to her.
“Haven’t got a clue, baby girl. One sec.” He made his way down the stairs to where everyone was confused. But before he made it to her, Derek’s eyes caught on to something even more interesting than the visitor. It was the look on the resident genius’ face. With a smirk, he strutted to where the other man sat and placed his hand on his shoulder. Spencer jumped in his seat and looked to who had startled him out of his own thoughts.
“You should go introduce yourself, pretty boy. She looks a little lost.” The younger man pursed his lips and shook his head in defeat.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” While Spencer tried to turn back to the case files, his eyes kept flickering up to the young woman.
“Well, I think I’m gonna go introduce myself to her then.” And with that, Reid was forced to watch the spectacle of the enigma that was Derek Morgan in action.
“Hello, miss. Is there something I can help you with?” He stuck out his hand and waited for her to notice him. She looked down at his hand and offered a wave instead of reaching for it.
“Hi. I’m looking for Aaron Hotchner. Do you happen to know where he could be?” Her voice flowed like honey and Spencer was in heaven. He really needed to get a grip on his senses.
“Um, yes. I do. He’s up there, but you know Dr. Reid here could show where he is exactly. I’m running late for a meeting but I’ll be around if you need anything else.” Said Dr. Reid was starting to panic. Morgan was walking her towards his desk. Was his hair acceptable? Was his perpetually crooked tie still crooked? Was he slouching? She was getting closer and closer, and he could smell her perfume more heavily.
“This is Dr. Spencer Reid. Reid, this is… I didn’t actually get a name but I’m sure you’ll introduce yourself.” And with that, the suave agent left the two youngsters alone with each other. But they were not alone. Eyes stared at them from women all around the bullpen who were treating this like a mid day spa opera.
“Hi. I’m Reid, um Dr. Spencer Reid.” He raised his hand in a wave as he stood to greet the woman.
“Hi, I’m,” cut off from her introduction, was a deep voice sounding through the pen.
“Honey, is that you?” Mystery woman turned, and let out a bright smile at Aaron Hotchner who stood at the top of the stairs right outside his office.
“Hey. I was looking for you. I’ll be right there.” She turned back to the young doctor before her.
“It was nice meeting you Dr. Reid.” She turned to leave, but there was a moment that she hesitated. Spencer saw this, and without warning, or the ability to stop himself, he spoke.
“Did you know that in the Middle East Jasmine is typically called, ’Queen of the Night’ because the cooler temperatures and darkness allow the blossoms to emit a greater concentration of their scent? Also, the buds of the Jasmine plant are far more fragrant than the fully bloomed flowers?” As soon as he finished, Spencer cringed. He could not believe himself. Here he was trying not to make himself look like a fool in front of this mysteriously pretty woman, but that flew out with window with his big mouth and infinitely bigger brain.
“I did not know that. I’m quite shocked you picked up on that note. Everyone always smells vanilla.” With her body turned, Reid could not help but to profile her. Her shoulders were relaxed. One foot pointed towards Hotch and the other one him indicating that she wanted to keep her conversation going yet needed to turn and leave him. A soft smile let him know that she was genuinely interested in the conversation and her eyes sparkled at the knowledge that someone took the time with her.
“That’s because jasmine is not incredibly common in the perfume world, nor the botanical world. It’s a member of the olive family, although no one associates the two. Vanilla however is a far more common scent and is easier to use in bulk quantities to mask other fragrances.” He rambled. However unlike his colleagues, friends, family, and other women he had been interested in, she really seemed to appreciate his knowledge.
“Well, Dr. Reid, I always love learning new fun facts. Hopefully you’ll have some more for me when I come back out?” She looked towards him hopefully, and slowly turned to leave, keeping her eyes on him till the last second.
“Yeah. Definitely.” Spencer felt himself get giddy at the thought that she wanted to hear more fun facts when she came back. She wanted to come back. It almost felt to good to be true. He watched her ascend the stairs and get pulled into Hotch’s office before he returned to his paperwork. But the women of the bullpen and his team refused to let him forget that. Reid turned his face to where he felt the stares coming from and confusion twisted his features.
“What?” He was genuinely confused at their shocked faces. Emily’s jaw was on the floor, and JJ stared at him like he grew a second head. Penelope on the other hand just looked plain dumbfounded.
“What? What do you mean ‘what?’” Prentiss was the first to speak up.
“You talked with her.” Garcia spoke softly, trying to get over her shock.
“Well, she was nice and Morgan did kind of place her at my desk.” He tried to find himself lost within the papers on his desk, but it was in vain. Garcia marched her way over to his desk, and took the report out of Spencer’s hands to stare at him dead in the eye. He let out a noise of protest but that was overridden by the colorful woman’s own statement.
“Oh, you are smitten.” She stated so plainly.
“No! No, I’m not. Give me my report.” Spencer tried to take it from her hands but she stepped out of his way before he could take them back.
“His voice went up! 187 has got a crush on the mystery woman!” Her giddy tempo made the agent in front of her purse his lips in frustration. Reid stood up and tried once more to swipe the file, but was unsuccessful yet again.
“Garcia, give it back. I am not smitten nor do I have a crush.” He tried to protest, but even to him, his words sounded false.
“Oh, you are, my dear boy wonder. You’re blushing. I haven’t seen you blush in ages!” Penelope turned back to her female agents to gauge their reactions on her revelation. Spencer took this opportunity to take back his file with a snatch and go back to his desk.
“Spence, it’s fine to think she’s attractive. There’s nothing wrong with that.” JJ tried to reassure him in her motherly tone, but he still squirmed in his seat under the attention.
“I’m fine. There’s nothing going on. Sure, she’s pretty. But that’s it.” And with that, Spencer stuck his nose quite literally in the file that he was holding to get away from the scrutiny before him. However, he was unable to get away from it long, before he smelled jasmine’s again.
“I really appreciate you doing this dad. It means a lot to me.” Her voice carried through in the same way it had before. But now he was confused. Why was she calling Hotch dad? He only had one child, Jack.
“Anytime, honey. You need to come over for dinner at some point. Jack misses you, you know?” Now, everyone else’s attention was on the pair before them. Aaron’s hand helped her down the stairs and across the stair from her shoulders. He seemed to notice everyone’s eyes on them and turned before they made it out of the glass doors.
“Oh and this is, at least some of, my team that I was telling you about.” Everyone stood up to greet the woman standing near their unit chief.
“This is Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia, our tech analyst, and Dr. Spencer Reid.” Aaron introduced them one by one. And in that order, everyone shook her hands and greeted her with warm smiles and kind words.
“Doctor? What kind?” Her words held genuine intrigue, and Spencer could not help his smile from taking over his face.
“Um, the academic kind. I have three PhD’s.” A smile on her face overtook it in the same way it had his. Their eyes stayed locked onto each others, and neither felt the awkwardness of maintaining direct eye contact for that long.
“Everyone, this is my daughter.” He said her name, but everyone stopped for a moment and could not process this information. That hit everyone like a freight train.
“But, you don’t have any children other than Jack?” Garcia said so slowly that everyone could tell she was trying to wrap her head around the information before her.
“Well, when Haley and I were around seventeen, we got pregnant. But, realized that we were not in any capacity to take care of a child before we were out of high school or into adulthood. So we gave our daughter to a lovely couple that couldn’t conceive. We kept in contact and got regular updates throughout her life.” Aaron looked at his daughter with such adoration, everyone could see it.
“Now, she is about to finish up her second degree, and wants to go into law enforcement. Specifically, she’s thinking about joining the bureau and needed a letter of recommendation.” The words his boss said piqued Spencer’s interest.
“Second degree? What are the in?” He asked, trying to keep his voice level, but everyone could hear that tinge in it.
“My first was a PhD in criminal psychology, after getting a minor in psychology. Now I’m working on a BA in religious studies.” Reid was liking this girl more and more the more she talked.
“Oh, I could totally help with getting you into the bureau. I’ll give you my number and you just let me know when you put in your application. I can totally make sure you get into whatever department you want.” Garcia offered, her bubbly personality shining through her bright smile and fast hand movements.
“Garcia.” Hotch warned her with his tone.
“Totally legally, of course. I’m not doing anything that would jeopardize either one of our jobs. Nothing illegal, sir. Just want to help.” She stepped back just a little bit and held her hands in front of her to calm herself down.
“Well, I’ve gotta get going. I’ve still got work to do at home, but I’m hoping that I can see everyone here again.” She waved at everyone again, but stopped when she turned to the doctor in the room. Walking over, Spencer’s hands got all clams no matter how often he wiped them on his trousers. He could feel his heart beat out of his chest. Smelled her perfume getting closer. Jasmines and vanilla never seemed so enticing to him.
“I really want to continue our conversation from earlier. Maybe we can talk PhD’s or something similar. Here,” she handed a small card to him, “this is my number. Maybe we can meet for coffee sometime?” Hope laced her words, and Spencer felt giddy as he took the card from her hand. Their fingers brushed against each other and chose not to draw attention to the spark that flew.
“I’d really like that. Thank you.” He smiled at her, and ran his fingers over the ink on the business card in his hands. Aaron led her out of the glass doors afterwards, and everyone appeared to resume their work. Except, they did not. In fact, they watched Spencer return to his desk and set the card down within view.
“Pretty boy. My man!” Derek returned from where he watched the interaction with glee from the sidelines, and clapped the young agent on the back. This was now the second time today that he had done that.
“Spence got himself a date.” JJ sounded impressed and amused, and Morgan was eating it up. Beaming from ear to ear, he returned his attention to the man who just wanted to get some work done.
“Shut up.” Reid dismissed them quickly and it appeared to work. Although that may have also been because Hotch had just walked through the glass doors once more and no one wanted to be reprimanded today. All the agents dispersed, leaving the young doctor alone with his paperwork and thoughts.
However, his thoughts were overtaken when he could still smell that same perfume she had been wearing earlier. Spencer’s eyes drifted over to where that card laid perfectly against his desk. Bringing the card to his nose, he smelled perfume on it. It was still as intoxicating as when she was here. Setting it down, Reid turned back to his paperwork, and worked for the rest of the day in blissful silence. He knew that he would be smelling that perfume yet again, and soon.
“Scent is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived.” Helen Keller
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carlyraejepsans · 11 months
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Rate UT characters on likely they are to eat spoiled food
premise: as monster food does not spoil, this speculation is based on how i think they'd treat human food in the post pacifist ending
frisk. trash burger. enough said. (also i hc that they grew up on the streets, so... not a lot of chances to be picky with your food.)
sans. second most likely. there's milk in the fridge bought specifically for him to drink out of the carton whenever frisk's or papyrus' friends come to visit, like a stereotypical disney channel older brother (he loves being annoying on purpose). it's been there for a month. he's still not done with it. it's probably rancid. enjoyer of food and lover of even shittier food. mr worst burger on the menu. he is ESPECIALLY gross about food and he is gross about it on purpose, he will peel an apple for papyrus and then take a bite out of it before cutting him a slice. and then call him a wuss when he acts disgusted. ("stop being a baby bones, we have the same germs anyway" "NO WE DON'T. *YOU* HAVE GERMS! AND I DON'T WANT ANY OF THEM!!" "why? they're pedigreed" "OUGH!?!!"). he mostly uses it as a chance to make a gag (or a lack of gagging, lol) but his strong stomach did also come in handy in the early days of papyrus' interest in cooking
mettaton, of sequins-and-glue hamburgers fame. he's technically tied for 2nd place with sans, but i put him in third because i feel like sans does it on purpose, for mettaton it's more like... a side effect of starting life off as a ghost. few people question it since he's a robot now.
alphys. she doesn't go out of her way to do it, but she buys her snacks in industrial pallet-fuls to reduce social interactions to a minimum, so by the time she reaches the last 3 or 4 packets of blue takis, they're well past their expiration date. not that it stops her. now, this wouldn't happen on the surface because she gets better and has a solid support system, but if monster food could spoil back when she was going Through it with the amalgamates, i feel like she'd either be too depressed or tired to care and eat it, or she'd tumble into a "g-god. you can't even take care of your own f-food. is there anything you can't fuck up" self-deprecation spiral and lose her appetite altogether
flowey. did it to see what would happen. nothing did. never did it again. tbh I just don't think he eats much of anything, spoiled or not.
undyne. getting into the "wouldn't eat spoiled food" tier. she actually thinks it's really gross but papyrus tricks her into doing it by challenging her machismo. she gets SO sick from it. they do this aprox 3 times a month. rinse and repeat
asgore. he's a gardener, and i can see him working in a community garden on the surface, so he'd have access to a lot of fresh produce, for both himself and to give away. however, if some of it were to go bad, he'd probably cut off the affected bit and eat the rest so it doesn't go to waste.
toriel. she is SUPER careful about expiration dates and mold and checks to make sure all she owns is still safe to eat almost weekly. this level of care, however, is mostly meant for other people, not herself, but she would really rather not eat anything that's gone bad. same reasoning as alphys', IF monster food could spoil when she was still in the RUINs, i could technically see her biting the bullet, if only because 1) she was also heavily depressed and struggling to take care of herself, though i think she might sooner skip out on the meal altogether, rather than eat something spoiled, and 2) the awkward stares from the other monsters in the RUINs supermarket might not be something she's willing to deal with on any given day.
papyrus. he would NOT. no way. master of cleaning, germophobe extraordinaire papyrus (well, not really, but he plays the part). if toriel is meticulous, papyrus is obsessive. there better not be a SINGLE spot on his food. and no lines or plaid patterns either!! he WILL wash it untill it goes away. with soap probably. canonically a picky eater to begin with (his picks are just weird as balls). can should and WILL get on sans' ass about his unhealthy eating habits, and that includes eating food that's gone bad.
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sommerbueckers · 1 month
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My Brother's Best Friend pt5
(I was quite literally logged out of my tumblr account...and I wasn't gonna do smut this chapter but since I took so long to come out with this I decided to bless ur horny asses. enjoy😏)
I stood still in the shower, letting the hot water run through my hair and down my back. The steam fogged up the glass doors and filled the bathroom, reminding me how long I'd been in there. I could hear the faint ringing of my phone from under the water, it was the second time it had gone off and I was beginning to worry that I was missing something important.
With a quiet sigh, I shut off the shower and stepped out to grab my towel. Leaning over the counter, I tapped my phone, eyeing the two missed FaceTime calls I had from my best friend, Noelle. We were supposed to go to the mall together to get some Christmas shopping done, I called her back to make sure plans hadn't changed.
"Hello?" I said when she picked up.
"Hey, you almost ready?" she asked.
"Yeah, I gotta get dressed first."
"Okay, well, I'm on my way" she told me, getting into her car.
"Alright, text when you're outside" I responded.
She nodded and hung up, my home screen picture of the two of us reappearing. I clicked my phone off and walked into my room, pulling open my dresser. I decided on a sweatsuit, the Minnesota air was brutal in the winter. Letting my towel drop, I grabbed a pair of panties and began to slip them on.
"Shit, at least buy me dinner first" a voice laughed from behind me.
I jumped at the sound, instinctively covering myself as I turned around.
Paige stood there with the cockiest smirk on her face, her arms crossed as she leaned against my shut door. She had on a red hoodie with black sweatpants, her blonde hair tucked behind her ears. How long had she been standing there...And why hadn't she said anything?
Paige had never seen me fully naked, anytime we hooked up I'd keep my shirt on or she'd move my panties aside. Skin to skin contact just felt so much more intimate, and I wasn't sure if Paige and I were there yet. Actually, I wasn't sure we'd ever be there.
My mouth fell open at the sight of her. She wasn't supposed to come home for another two days, I had it marked on the calendar in all caps -- Micah's name was there too obviously...
"What're you doing here?" I asked with wide eyes.
Paige frowned playfully, "I thought you'd be happy to see me" she said, pushing herself off of the door and climbing into my bed. She laid there with her hands behind her head, eyes shamelessly looking over me. I covered myself even more, biting my lip. Paige laughed and shook her head, "Get dressed if you want to."
I got changed as quickly as I could, pulling on my sweatpants and my tank top. I wanted to wait until right before I left to put the hoodie on. I had planned to do my curl routine and a full face of makeup, just really taking the time to get myself ready, but all that went out the window the second I saw Paige.
The blonde had this ability to take complete control over me, whether she meant to or not. I couldn't think straight with her around, my mind becoming a chaotic mess as I tried to anticipate anything that would happen. She made me feel like I was everything, like nothing else mattered when we were together. The way she looked at me when she fucked me, like I was a prized possession, the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
I finished putting my earrings in and spun around in a cloud of perfume.
"You're so cute" Paige commented.
I set the bottle back on my vanity and walked over to her, "So are you."
"Yeah?" she raised her eyebrows, sitting up turning her body to face me. She pulled me in to stand between her legs, her hands holding the back of my thighs.
"Mhm" I nodded, a sudden shyness overcoming me.
Paige knew the effect she was having on me, her smile gave her away. She stared directly into my eyes, and then I watched them roam over the rest of my face. It reminded me of how I had burned the image of her face into my memory right before she left a few weeks ago. I had done it because I was so in love with her that I was scared I'd forget what she looked like, although the click of a button on Instagram could remind me in an instant.
But why was she scanning mine? I wasn't leaving and neither was she. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.
"Did you miss me?" she asked.
"Of course I missed you" I laughed.
She shrugged, "Just making sure." After a minute of silence, and her continuing to stare at me, she said, "I missed you too."
I bit back a smile, looking away from her, "Whatever."
"Come here" she said, pulling me into her lap. I straddled her, placing my hands on her stomach and tilting my head. She massaged her thumbs into my hips through the thick fabric of my sweats and smiled up at me. "I really did miss you, Summer" she said.
I nodded silently.
"Hey," she said quietly, "I mean that." She leaned in and placed a kiss on my cleavage, "I missed you here," she placed another kiss on my collarbone, "and here," another kiss - this one on my neck, "and here," and that's when I felt her hand go between my legs, "and especially here."
I felt myself getting warm, a feeling I had grown accustomed to when it came to being around Paige. Her lips met mine in a soft, slow kiss. It was different than a lot of our other kisses, than all of our kisses actually. It seemed like we were both trying to savor the taste of each other, like when it ended there wouldn't be another.
Paige was like a drug, I'd rank her up there with things like heroin and cocaine. You tell yourself that you're just going to try it, a one and done kind of thing. But then the opportunity to do it again presents itself, and you've done it before so what's the harm? After that you start to think about it more, putting yourself in situations where you know it'll be there to give yourself an excuse to use it, to be around it.
You don't even register the addiction until you're so deep in that there isn't a light on either side of the tunnel. You're just surrounded by utter darkness. It's at that moment, when instead of craving some kind of savior or miracle, you crave more of what's breaking you, that is when the realization hits you...
Paige's lips connecting with my jaw pulled me from my thoughts. I tilted my head slightly to the side, my eyes fluttering shut as I focused on the gentle feeling.
"You smell so good," Paige murmured against my skin, pulling me closer in her lap.
I moved her face in front of mine, attaching our lips for the second time. She didn't waist any time picking up the pace, her grip on my thighs becoming tighter as she pulled on me hungrily. I eagerly moved my lips against her, the desire to feel her burning like a fire within me. She bit my bottom lip, a soft whimper spilling from my mouth. Paige smiled into the kiss as she slipped her hand underneath the waistband of my sweats.
My phone pinged from the dresser across the room at the same time that Paige's hand came in contact with my clothed cunt. She teasingly ran her fingers up and down my core, my wetness dripping out of me and soaking the fabric of my panties. My phone pinged again. Paige moved my underwear to the side, beginning to rub circular motions on my clit.
"Paige..." I moaned breathlessly, hardly able to hear myself over the arousal that clouded the entirety of me. She hummed, trailing kisses down from my neck to my cleavage. Leaning back and arching further into her, I allowed her more access to me. She left marks wherever she sucked, following up with a lick to soothe the skin. We needed to stop, I needed to stop this.
I went to say something, to tell her that I had to go because Noelle was waiting outside for me. But my words came out as nothing more than a cry when I felt her plunge two fingers inside of me. The sting that occurred was masked by the pleasure that came with it. Her lengthy digits skillfully pumping in and out of me with ease, dancing around in the pool of juices that she had created.
She brought my face down to hers with her other hand, planting a sweet kiss on my lips. "Ride my fingers, c'mon, be a good girl."
I nodded my head, unconsciously pouting as I moved my hips with her fingers inside of me. Her fingers were deeper than they had ever been before, and she was looking at me with such admiration and pride, she was proud of the mess that I had become, the mess that she had made me. My eyes watered and my mouth fell open, I tightened around Paige's fingers. "Good, clench around me just like that," Paige whispered.
"I--I," I stuttered out. I clawed at her shoulders through her sweatshirt, firmly holding onto them. The sound of her moving in and out of me filled the room and she matched the rhythm of my hips. Her fingers turned so expertly inside of me, hitting my spot repeatedly.
"I want you to come all over my fingers," the blonde said into my ear, "I want them covered."
When Paige quickened her movements, I released all over her, just like she told me to. My body shook, and Paige used her other hand to hold me close to her, my head buried in her neck. She ran her hand up and down my back, placing short pecks on my shoulder and whispering sweet things to me. "So good for me," she praised with a smile, "so pretty when you come."
I reciprocated her smile when I finally pulled back from her, my glossy eyes staring into her own. My phone pinged for the third time, grasping both of our attention. Paige furrowed her eyebrows, "Who's blowing up your phone?"
I sighed, "It's Noelle, we're supposed to go Christmas shopping."
"Right now?" she asked, her face falling slightly when I moved to climb off of her.
A knock sounded on my door. Paige sat up straighter, adjusting her hoodie as the knob turned and Noelle face appeared in the crack. The sight of Paige on the bed, of me standing awkwardly next to her, of the bed itself as the covers were bunched up and wrinkled. She looked between the two of us, her surprised expression turning to one of suspicion.
"I've been texting you..." she started, her green eyes staring at me.
"Yeah sorry, Paige and I were just catching up" I breathed out, glancing at the blonde that was still seated on the bed.
"Catching up on what? She's been gone for two weeks."
Paige snorted, "Good to see you Noelle," she then turned to me, "I'll see you, yeah?"
I nodded, "Yeah."
Noelle and I watched as her lean figure exited my room. When she was sure that the taller blonde was out of earshot, she marched toward me and scanned my face. "Your cheeks are red and your lips are puffy..." her mouth fell open as she said, "You two had sex."
"No we didn't-"
"Don't you dare lie to me," she frowned in disbelief, "we tell each other everything right?"
I nodded silently.
"Good. So, we're going to go to the mall, we're going to shop, and you're going to tell me every. single. thing."
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lxstfathier · 11 months
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Hi could you please do sex pollen with bass or Alejandro Vargas or both with an inexperienced female reader please
Anon? anon who is bass?? i couldn’t figure out who you meant so, here it is, i did it with ale ;)
Flowers
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Alejandro Vargas x Reader
Warnings: unprotected sex, p in v, sex pollen, squirting, age-gap, another fic of Ale taking our virginity cuz we love that shit!
A/N: i actually loved writing this lol, it was fun. you know english is not my first language, so there might be some errors, but i hope y’all like it 💗
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You don’t remember exactly what happened. The mission went wrong, and you followed colonel Vargas into the woods, trying to scape from enemy fire, accidentally running into some bushes full of strange colorful flowers that you had never seen before. Then it all went blurry.
Now, two hours later, you’re on base again, feeling really weird. Your whole body is sensitive, as if it has been set on fire, heavy breaths escape your lips and a thin layer of sweat starts to appear on your skin. How are you supposed to deal with it? you don’t even know what is going on, but you try your best to stay quiet while a nurse examines all your vital signs.
“You’re fine” she says after making sure that you don’t have anything that could possibly affect your health. “But it seems that you’re under the influence of some… natural aphrodisiac. So i’d suggest you to, y’know, relieve all that sexual energy, it will make you feel way better.”
Natural aphrodisiac? oh, so now you finally understand why your poor pussy is so wet, clenching around nothing and practically begging to be fucked. It makes sense. However, you don’t have a problem with masturbating a few times until the effects wear off. So you thank her, and then make your way out of the medical bay, walking straight to your own room.
But you didn’t expected to run into you colonel again. Those flowers should have affected him the same way as you, that’s for sure, what is he doing in the hallway? he should be inside his room, doing god knows what to help himself with that issue.
“Sargento” Alejandro calls you, forcing you to stop dead on your tracks, even though both of you are not in the mood for talking. “What did the nurse told you?”
“She said i’m fine. It’s just the effects of a natural aphrodisiac what’s making me feel so weird.” you answer, smiling at him, trying to play it cool. “Why? do you have the same?.”
“Si” he nods, but you don’t hear the rest, all of your concentration is now looking at his pretty brown eyes, his lips, his stubbly jaw, his broad shoulders, his strong arms in that tight shirt, and that obvious bulge inside his cargo pants.
He’s always been a good looking man, you won’t deny it, but right now? he’s fucking sexy, radiating a strong masculine essence that makes your knees go weak and the heat in your belly grow more intense. Almost as if you were a bitch in heat.
All of your shyness is gone, and before you know it, you’re grabbing his hand to guide him into your room, not even caring that he’s way older than you, a colonel who is supposed to be your superior. The arousal clouds your mind, not being able to think about anything else than getting pounded by him all night until you can’t remember your own name.
And Alejandro knows he shouldn’t be so eager to fuck his sergeant, but how can he tell you no when you look so pretty and so damn needy?
Once you’re both inside, with the door locked and the lights on, he pins you to the wall, kissing you passionately as his big hands roam your clothed body. Something new to you, considering the fact that you had never been touched by a man before this.
Should you tell him that he’s about to be the your first sexual experience? maybe, but you don’t wanna ruin the mood, so you just let go, feeling your tongues dancing with each other, running your hands over his strong chest.
But, as much as you’d love to keep kissing, the heat caused by the aphrodisiac is now unbearable, forcing both of you to pull apart and take your clothes off. And it could be part of the effect of those annoying flowers, but when you finally see his muscles, his tan skin covered in sweat, and that big veiny cock springing free, your mouth waters and your pussy throbs, clearly enjoying the view.
“Like what you see, mi amor?” he asks teasingly, and you just nod. “Cause i really do, who would have known my sergeant had such a pretty body? huh?”.
Now that Alejandro sees you all exposed for him, admiring every detail of your being, he’s sure that you’re the most beautiful girl he has ever met. If he had known what was he missing on, he would have pushed you into those bushes way earlier.
You don’t really know what to do next, you’re flustered and too inexperienced, so when he notices your hesitance, he gently guides you to the bed, telling you to lay on your back and relax.
Alejandro kisses your neck, and then slowly goes down to your tits, playing with your nipples between his teeth. It’s almost like a torture, you want more than that, involuntarily bucking your hips to get at least a little friction, anything.
“Just fuck me already, please” you beg in a high pitched voice, desperate to feel him inside you.
“Such a needy little whore” Alejandro says, mocking your pathetic cries. But you don’t care, even less when he drops to his knees, prying your legs apart to have a good look at your perfect pussy before devouring it like a starving man.
He licks and bites at your slick folds, savoring the sweet taste, dives his tongue into your hole and goes up to your clit, sucking hard. It feels really nice, better than any of those times where you played with yourself at night, and it’s not long until you’re moaning, feeling that familiar knot in your lower belly while tugging at his dark hair.
You cum easily, arching your back off the bed, almost crushing his head between your trembling legs. But that doesn’t stop him, he keeps eating you sloppily until you ride out that first orgasm.
When you come down from the high, Alejandro is already on top of you, holding your legs on his shoulders, guiding his cock to your tiny wet hole. And, without a warning, he slides inside on a singular hard thrust, making you scream at the new sensation.
He’s big, so the sudden stretch is a bit painful, but once you get adjusted to his girth and he starts moving slowly, your pained cries turn into whimpers filled with pleasure.
“F-faster Ale, please, ah- god-“ you moan into his ear, going literally stupid on his cock that you can’t even say a simple sentence.
“Yeah? you want me to destroy this pretty little pussy?”
He starts thrusting harder, pounding your tight heat in the most delicious way, hitting that sweet spot inside you over and over. It’s good, way too good actually, and you can’t help but writhe under him, digging your nails on the nape of his neck.
Another orgasm is near, you know it, and he can feel it too by the way you’re clenching around his cock.
“That’s it, preciosa, you’re taking me so well” Alejandro growls, one of his large hands going down to find your clit, rubbing it fast in circular motions. “Cum for me again, come on.”
His words, mixed with the stimulation and the way he’s ramming into you, is just what you need to see stars. You come undone once more, feeling the intense pleasure in every inch of your body, moaning so loud that probably the whole base heard.
“Fuck, look at the mess you made” he says, looking at how your sweet juices are coating his abs and pubes. Did you just squirted? hell, that’s new, you didn’t knew you could do that.
Alejandro doesn’t take long to reach his own orgasm, thrusting a few more times until he’s cumming inside, filling that pretty pussy of yours with his thick seed as he bites your neck, letting out an animalistic grunt.
You both stay like that for a minute, too fucked out to move, catching your breath. And you’re feeling better, but the effects are still not gone at all.
“That was amazing” you say, stroking his beard, pulling him in for a quick kiss. “Can we do it again?.”
“As many times as you want, preciosa.”
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blahblahblees · 4 months
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hey!!! i was thinking about fem!reader x cole water, something like an enemies/rivals to lovers. they’re both very competitive in class and in sports. but, when cole gets injured, he stops caring about school. now, i don’t know how to continue, maybe reader goes to his house to ask him after he fails or smth and they have a fight that ends with him confessing? idk do your thing!! lots of love
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ヽ`、☁ヽ`─── swim ミ cole walter
✎ ·˚ ༘ ─── two headstrong rivals who’ve always been competitive in everything they do suddenly stop and when push comes to shove, maybe they’ll fall in love.
wc: 1,125
cole walter x fem!reader (use of she/her pronouns & use of y/l (your last name))
tw: kissing/making out (?)
a/n: shit description from me i’m sorry 🙏. but i wanna say before reading, this prompt leans more towards the book version of cole so that’s what was in my head when writing :)
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THERE WAS something about Cole Walter that irritated and intrigued her all at the same time. The way he had this “don’t care” attitude, but had been well off to have at least a “B” in all of his classes. He was Cole Walter and he had been the one people eyed in the hallways. The one guy people wanted to be with and couldn’t have unless he looked your way.
And before his injury, the two of you were always neck and neck. It didn’t matter what the topic or subject was, the two of you just had to be better than the other. If you wanted a “A” in math, he would do his best to make an “A+” just to irk you. If he wanted to run laps around the track, you’d join in and out run him by a mile.
But that was before the injury. Before he came an even bigger asshole, which you didn’t think was possible. Something had shifted after the incident and he’d simply changed. He stopped caring about the sports, the academics, the feelings, almost stopped caring about himself it seemed.
And he just pushed people away, he wanted nothing to do with some people, and maybe that’s why the “Cole Effect” had worked so well. You’d be considered lucky if Cole Walter wanted something to do with you, even if it meant for one night.
But things seemed to never go right for Cole. He started failing and if he continued on this path he would repeating his junior year.
And his teachers assigned him to a tutor for every class and she just so happened to be one of them.
She would tutor Cole for science, but none of it seemed to stick. No matter how often they met for the tutoring session, Cole would only come back to her with “D’s” and “F’s” which she didn’t understand. She was a star student herself, so she didn’t quite understand how or why Cole was failing. It looked bad on the both of them and it seemed as if Cole just didn’t care.
So, one night, she decide that she would take matters into her own hands and simply as him why.
She knocked on the door of the Walter’s and on the other side stood Jackie Howard, a small smile on her face as she looked over at the girl.
“Hey.” Jackie smiled.
“Hey.” She replied. “Is Cole home?”
Jackie nodded, opening the door to allow her inside. “He’s upstairs. His room his the first door you see when you’re up there.”
She thanked Jackie and made her way upstairs and gently knocked on the door.
There was shuffling on the other side, but the door opened and Cole stood on the other side, his shirt absent and his shorts hanging absolutely too low, but he was in his room alone, so she couldn’t quite complain.
“What are you doing here, Y/L?”
“Can we talk?”
Cole rested his hands on the doorknob, his body pressed against the frame of the door. “About?”
She sighed deeply. “You keep failing and your grades are reflecting on my tutoring. So I was just wondering-“
“I appreciate you tutoring me.” Cole said, cutting her off. “I really do, but it’s clearly not working. So maybe we should just-“
“It’s wasn’t like this before.” She said. “You’re smart, Cole. I know you. You’ve gotten better grades than I have out of spite. All I’m asking you to do is to try and… study, listen to me when I’m tutoring you-“
“And if I don’t?”
She looked up at him. She was growing angry. Why was he cutting her short? Why wasn’t he trying?
“What’s your problem?” She asked. “Have I done something to you?”
“Not at all, Y/L.” He said calmly. “But it’s getting late, so maybe you should head back home.”
With that, Cole shut his door and she stood on the other side of it, looking at the wooden piece with her brows furrowed.
It was 8:30.
So, she opened the door and slammed it shut behind her as she stood in Cole and Danny’s room. The other twin absent.
“Can I help you?” He asked.
“What’s wrong you?” She asked. “All semester you’ve been failing every class, haven’t joined any extra curriculars, and have done nothing to fix that. I’m trying my best to be nice and tutor you. I’ve been nothing but nice to you and you’ve been nothing but an asshole since-“
“Since what, Y/L?” He asked, his hands pressed against the desk, his muscles flexing as he did so. “Since the accident?” He chuckled. “I had a scholarship. I had football. I don’t have any of that now, so what’s the point?”
“The point is to keep trying.”
Cole shrugged. “I still don’t see the point.”
Her expression softened as she looked at him. "The point is, you're worth more than that. You have potential, Cole. You just need to find your purpose, something that drives you."
"I don't know anymore," Cole said, his tone defeated. "Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I wanted, it's all gone."
“You don’t need to figure all of that out right now.”
Cole looked down at her, his eyes searching hers. He heavily sighed as he began to think. Why was she the first person to actually talk some sense into him? Out of everyone, it’d been her to make him almost feel seen.
So, he stepped forward, cupping his hands onto her cheeks and gently pressed his lips against hers. It was a soft, tender kiss at first, as though he was testing the waters to see if she would respond.
Cole pulled back, his forehead resting against hers.
“I’m not going to be one of your girls, Cole.” She muttered.
“You’re not.” He said. “I’m sorry… I- I’ll try. I’ll start trying. I just one chance.”
She followed his eyes, trying to see if he’d been lying or that it was some sort of false hope.
But she couldn’t see it, no matter how hard she looked, nothing but a chance had been there.
So, she nodded and pressed forward, gently pressing her lips against his.
This time, the kiss was more passionate, their lips moving together with more urgency. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as his hands ran through her soft hair.
She let out a soft moan as the kiss deepened, her own hands running over his muscular chest as she pressed herself against him.
They pulled away for a moment, panting and grinning at each other.
“We’ll just take things slow for now, okay?” She said.
Cole nodded. “I can do that.”
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— lucy has something to say !!
the book and movie are simply not the same
but anyway, i feel like this is kind of all over the place especially towards the end but its down so that’s all that matters.
my request are opened!
you can check out my rules and such before requesting and checking masterlist to see who i write for, for more!
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wrathofrats · 1 month
Text
Mushy May Day 6- "you're blushing"- alpha and omega.
As usual thank u to @forlorn-crows for the prompts
And thanks to @ghuleh-recs for the divider!
No warnings apply, just 750 words of alpha and omega flirting (:
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“Papa would never say that omega” alpha snorted
Omega chuckled to himself as he wiped the rim of a golden chalice with a cloth, setting it neatly in its place on the table.
“He did! Best guitar player in the entire ministry. Said he wouldn’t have wanted to summon anyone else”
Alpha set down the matching plate in his hands, giving omega a side glance. It was barely effective through the thick mask that adorned his face but he hoped omega had gotten the point anyways. He pulled the tablecloth free of any wrinkles as he took a look over the communion table one more time.
“Papa has threatened to send us back to the pits for spilling a drop of wine on his precious tablecloth, there’s absolutely no way he gave me a genuine compliment.” Alpha turned to stare at omega through his own mask, seeing as his eyes crinkle in what he can only assume to be a wide smile. “Besides, if you wanted to tell me how talented I am then you’re more than welcome to. No need to hide behind the excuse that papa said it”
Cleaning the chapel after mass was always a lackluster duty. Mostly sniffling from the dust that never seemed to dissipate, and making sure everything was to the ministry’s high standards of organization. It was always alpha and omega who were forced to stay an extra hour or two to wipe everything down and put things back in their places. The roles of being the right hand men of papa would be nice with their high ranking, but more often than not it meant they were sent to do boring monotonous tasks together that papa had deemed important.
“Oh I never need an excuse to compliment you, just don’t know if you can handle it” omega teased. A goading tone to his voice.
“You don’t affect me as much as you think you do, you’re only fueling my ego. But if that’s your intention then please do go ahead”
Omega stood to lean against the podium, an almost challenging look in his eye, practically asking if alpha truly meant what he said. It was a stupid stand off admittedly, more for alpha to metaphorically flex his muscles and stroke his ego than it was to really prove omega words couldn’t get to him. Or if it was purely for alpha to hear omegas sweet thoughts about him, then that was his business.
“Have I really never told you how talented I think you are? That you continue to impress me with how fast you learn the songs?” Omega said, crossing his arms in front of him
“Yeah I’m sure you do” alpha rolled his eyes, “probably because if I didn’t papa would have my head, we can’t all be favorites around here”
“You’re my favorite if it’s worth anything”
Alpha tried to look like that didn’t immediately make his chest constrict. A stupid tight feeling that he got whenever omega acted like he did like him beyond their stupid jokes and banter.
“Well I’d hope so. We are together constantly, didn’t think it would be earth or something” alpha played off like he expected that kind of answer.
“I just think that under your massive ego you’re actually really kind, I know how gentle you actually are alpha” omegas voice softened in a genuine, comforting way. He stepped away from the podium, instead making his way slowly towards alpha, who seemed to fumble at watching omega step towards him.
“Just not a complete evil bastard, is that so hard to believe?”
“I mean it’s not hard for me to believe at all, you’ve always been a sweetheart, to me at least.”
Alpha fiddled with the cloth under his hands as he tried from some leverage on the table. His eyes darted around, a horrible attempt at looking inconspicuous while also not looking omega in the eye.
“And that’s not even all of it. You’re so handsome under that mask, it’s such a shame papa makes us wear them all the time, would love to actually look at you while we work”
“Shut up” alpha choked
“Why? Are you blushing? You seem really flustered” omega chuckled, continuing to move forwards while alpha tried to subtly move backwards.
“I’m not blushing you asshole”
“Oh really? How about you take off the mask then”
“You just want to see my face since you love it so much” alpha tried to play off. He turned his face towards the floor, even the idea of omega seeing his eyes was more than a bit overwhelming as his face heated.
“Maybe I just want to see you blush for me”
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randomgirlyoudontknow · 3 months
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No one will probably read this, but as a long-time fan of ATLA (as in, I literally watched the show as it aired in 2005-2008), I wanted to share my thoughts on the live action. Let it be known that I am far from an ATLA purist––the original certainly had its own flaws and aspects that didn't age well, in retrospect. Despite the generally negative reviews I've seen from the fandom, I was actually very satisfied with this adaptation! But I’ve seen people saying that the characters were butchered, that it’s a soulless and superficial reproduction, and those who liked the live action aren’t capable of thinking/watching critically, which I wanted to push back against (I mean, I’m working on a doctorate in literature…I am quite literally incapable of watching anything uncritically).
The shift in tone to a darker, more mature one was a positive change, imo. It is definitely a much angrier show than the original, even if some of the characters were not as fiery as they should have been (*cough* Katara *cough*). Overall, while there were certainly decisions made that I didn't agree with (mainly related to pacing and narrative), I thought the cast and crew really captured the spirit of the original, and even added depth and nuance to parts I felt were initially lacking.
In general, I really appreciated the added emphasis on the cost and suffering of war and imperialism, as well as the depiction of the physical effects of bending. Now, I realize this is largely a matter of personal preference––for example, I'm very interested in depictions of war in fiction (I mean, my dissertation partially covers the impact of WWI on avant-garde art & literature, so...). But I've seen several claims that the live action glorifies war and violence in a way that is meant to traumatize the viewer, and I simply don't think that's true? While the original handled war, genocide, trauma, etc. in a phenomenal way for a kid's show in the early 2000s, it was also still sanitized when it comes to death and injury, to an extent that I feel like we, the viewers, almost lose sight of the fact that bending KILLS. Sure, we were exposed to its after effects, like the death of Katara and Sokka's mother or Zuko's scar, but there's something to be said actually seeing and acknowledging the very palpable danger that something like firebending presents.
I've even seen someone say that the show's depiction of "gratuitous violence" constitutes a "profound misunderstanding" of the source text, which I think is frankly a bad faith take. The death and violence, though more realistic, is still not a major focus of the show, nor is it glorified in any way. A glorification of violence would look like indiscriminate killing and maiming for the sake of edginess (looking at you GOT). We would see graphic depictions of death and injuries, which simply does not happen in this show (they even joke about the fact that we never see anyone die in Ember Island Players). War and fighting are still treated with the same depth and gravity as the original, only this time, the severity of its consequences isn't obscured from the viewer.
I also thought the show's handling of trauma (especially Katara's) was excellent. The choice to have Katara's mom's death revealed in flashbacks (specifically when around firebending) was something that really stood out to me. And the new characterization of Bumi, which I realize was quite unpopular, was another change I quite appreciated. His bitterness and cynicism seemed more in-line with someone who had endured 100 years of war and the suffering of his people at the hands of a brutal imperial force. Lastly, I was pleased to see the narrative attempt to address the role Iroh played in the Siege of Ba Sing Se (something that was absolutely missing from the original). The Earth Kingdom soldier confronting him and calling him a butcher was a powerful moment, for me. I truly hope the show continues to dive into this aspect of his character in future seasons.
Speaking of characters, I loved that we got extra background and insight into several of the characters. Zhao, for example, was unexpectedly quite funny, and his actor really did a phenomenal job of fleshing him out and making him feel like a real person (as slimy and smarmy as he was) rather than a stock, cartoon villain. And I have to give kudos to the actors who played Sokka and Zuko––they both did an incredible job of embodying their respective characters, in a way that felt highly reminiscent of the original. In particular, I thought the handling of Zuko's backstory was truly outstanding––perhaps even better than the original.
All in all, I felt the live action did a really nice job of balancing the darker sides with the light. While I've seen fans complaining that the show doesn't have the same goofiness and lightheartedness, I actually thought the humor worked really well––it was one of the few times I felt the overly ironic, Joss Whedonesque one-liners actually fit. Sure, the humor was a lot drier and more toned down than the original, but I nonetheless thought it carried the show's spirit well (loved that they let Sokka say “ass” not once, but twice). There were moments when I genuinely laughed out loud! I also appreciated how, despite the more mature tone, hope, friendship, and harmony still remained the most important aspect at the end of each episode.
There's a lot of room for improvement, but I was overall very satisfied with the live action, and I'm very glad that the series has been renewed. I'm very excited to see what the cast and crew does with the rest of the show!
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justfangirlstuffs · 1 month
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For Your Thoughts
Weighty thoughts continue to plague you. While out on a walk, you get another visitor who has plenty on his mind to share. (Takes place after So Much More.)
You x Sea Slug Sun wordcount: 3030
Sea Slug AU belongs to @scarredlove
Hello, mortification, you're old friend. A friend you were currently shaking hands with as you sat on your bed, Moon hovering over you, with Sun standing there holding your spray bottle as he observed the pair of you with his gleaming, opalescent eyes. You normally kept it on hand to cool yourself off if need be, but Sun had decided to use it to squirt his brother like he were a misbehaving cat.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Moonie,” Sun said, setting the bottom back on your desk. “You just seemed so distracted I wasn't sure how else to get your attention."
Moon's sharp teeth were bared in annoyance. Whatever moment Moon had been trying to build was effectively ruined by his brother's appearance. His antennae twitched as he glowered at Sun with sour petulance. "Well, you've definitely got my attention now. Is that what you wanted?"
"Indeed... you didn't tell us you were going to visit our old friend." Sun's tone was sweet but the undercurrent of irritation was glaringly apparent. He subtly wiped his hands over his robes. "We were... worried."
Moon's gaze narrowed slightly. "Oh, you were worried? How sweet of you," he replied sarcastically, sounding anything but grateful. "I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you were worried I'd mess up something, right?"
Oh, gosh.... the tension was unbearable. You glanced between the pair of them and hurriedly spoke up. "Um... it's fine. Everything is fine.” You sat up, scooting away from Moon to put some distance between the two of you. “Moon, thank you for coming to visit. Though... it is getting late and I should probably sleep soon."
Moon glanced at you, his eyes softening as you thanked him, and you could tell he was trying his best not to act upset. "Aw, are you kicking me out?" he asked with a playful smirk, clearly hoping to lighten the mood before he left.
You gave a weak laugh, feeling the tension lighten some. "I don't wanna keep you from them," you said, giving Moon an excuse to leave so he could sort things out with Sun. You carefully pulled your hand away from his. "But... thanks again. It really meant a lot."
He stared at you as you slipped your hand away. For a second it seems that he had something to say, almost like he wanted to pull you back. But then he sighed, slowly leaning back.
"Yeah...you're welcome," he said softly, standing up from the bed.
"Sorry for the intrusion, pearl," Sun said, shooting a bright smile your way. It sounded like he was apologizing on both his and Moon's behalf. "I promise I'll find some way to make it up to you next we meet."
Before you could tell him that it wasn't as big of a bother as he made it out to be, Sun began shepherding Moon towards and out the window from whence they came. They were speaking to each other in their own language, and even though you couldn't understand the words, you could tell they were arguing. A frown was plastered on Moon's face - you could hear his voice, slightly raised but barely so. Once they were gone, you heard the window being closed and then silence. The only sound in the room was you, the sounds of you inhaling and exhaling.
You got up from your chair then walked over to the window. The window that was now closed and the window that separated you and them.
Dammit... you missed them already.
***
The next day passed both agonizingly slowly and swiftly. You spent a few hours applying for jobs, but when it came to your spare time... well, you had tried to do things. You'd already done most of the chores around the house earlier that week. You thought about all the things you wanted to do, yet you could never quite motivate yourself to get started. Like being stuck in quicksand or a tar pit.
It was getting late in the day and you had decided to take a walk on the beach, just to do something. Just so you could trick your mind into believing that you had done something, accomplished something. You bullied yourself into putting on clothes and leaving the house. Once you were outside, the idea of taking a walk came easier. Like, you were already outside so may as well follow through.
Roughly ten minutes later you were walking along the shoreline. It was close to the golden hour, and most people had gone home or back to their hotels due to the evening chill. Being outside, with the smell of the salt and sand, and the breeze on your face, you felt a little calmer.
Or at least you had, until a voice spoke up from right behind you. “Greetings, pearl!”
You hadn't expected sudden company. Although perhaps you probably should have. It still scared you though. Enough to where you jumped and cursed out loud, very loudly. Whirling around, you caught sight of Sun emerging from the frothy waves, glistening with droplets of sea water. He easily shook them off like a spray of tiny diamonds.
He laughed as you scolded and cursed in the evening, his wide smile bright and infectious. "I must say, it's always such a pleasure to witness your reactions. You always look so cute, the way you jump at the most trivial things." He stepped closer to you, completely undeterred by the glower you were leveling at him.
"It's not trivial when you sneak up out of the water like that," you griped. "Give me a dang heart attack why don't you?" Despite the initial irritation of being caught off guard and jump scared, you were actually.... relieved to see him? Was relief the right word? Content? Whelmed? …Happy? You pulled out your water bottle to take a drink.
Sun smirked and chuckled softly, looking at you with bright and sparkling white eyes. His aura was relaxing and calming. "Well, it's all for the charm, right? The element of surprise. It gets you all riled up, your... heart starts beating so fast..." His grin widened as he continued in a more teasing tone. "You could say I make your heart... skip a beat."
You nearly choke, coughing as a burst of guffaws erupted from your throat. "I cannot believe you actually just said that, oh my gosh..." You continued to giggle, covering your mouth to stifle the noises. Wow... this was the second time you'd laughed this month. Like full on laughing. It felt so wild. Like tasting your favorite treat for the first time in months.
Sun beamed as he watched you giggle. You didn't know it, but oh, how he loved it when you laughed. The sunset was just as beautiful as the sound of your giggles, and to experience both at the same time was truly a treat.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I say something funny?" he asked with a sly grin, leaning in a bit closer so your cheeks flushed from his nearness.
"No, no, not at all," you said, taking a deep breath to compose yourself. "So... were you and Moon able to clear the air?" The last time you had seen them, Sun had seemed really upset by the fact that Moon apparently had snuck out to see you without letting his brothers know.
Sun chuckled under breath but didn't respond immediately as he gazed out towards the sea, looking thoughtful. "It was a bit messy, but overall... yes." He finally looked back at you, his pupils disappearing as his bright eyes absorbed the fading sunlight. "Moon was forgiven. Not that I could stay mad at him... but let's not talk about that silly drama for now. I'd much rather hear about you," he said, adjusting his robes as he spoke.
While you were happy to hear that things weren't rocky between the two, when Sun suggested talking about you, well, you immediately shied away from the idea. "Oh, things are... you know.... fine."
Sun tilted his head slightly, his eyes studying your behavior as the frills surrounding his face twitched slightly. "Are they, really?" he whispered, leaning closer. "You seem quite... distant, as if something is bothering you."
"Nothing interesting has been going on with me," you insisted. "What about you? What have you and the others been up to all these years?"
"Nothing interesting?" Sun repeated, his gaze attentive, studying yours. "Don't lie, I know when you're lying. What's wrong?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.
You sighed heavily. The real answer was: a lot. Too much. But maybe you could just start small. "I haven't been sleeping very well," you confessed. "I'm exhausted, like all the time."
"You look it." Sun nodded, looking at your face, at your tired, sleepless expression, and the dark circles under your eyes. "What's been keeping you up? Bad dreams, perhaps?"
You shook your head. "Insomnia, it's a disorder that makes it hard to sleep. I've been dealing with it for a while now." It was a side effect of the medicine that you were on but he didn't need to know that for right now.
"Insomnia..." he murmured, nodding slowly. “That sounds difficult. You do seem to have a mind that constantly thinks things. Overthinks." His rays twitched and his next words sounded almost sad. "Can't sleep when your head is filled with thoughts."
You gave a weak laugh, dragging your nails through your hair. “Ain't that the truth? Most nights my head feels like... like a tide pool, where the sediment is getting constantly stirred up. The water is always cloudy, nothing was clear. Just a murky mess.”
"There, my friend. Exactly. You said it yourself. Your head is too crowded, too noisy. Mind's a mess, right? Can't sleep when your head's a messy mess." His hands smoothed over the ruffles of his robes. "What usually goes inside it? Do you think a lot about something or nothing at all?"
"Hey, how about we talk about you for a bit?" you suggested, fidgeting back and forth restlessly. You appreciated that Sun was trying to understand but you just weren't in a good head space to discuss it right now.
"Me? Really? You want to know about me?" He looked genuinely surprised at your question before his voice turned teasing again right away. "You really want to know what I think all day?"A tiny, coy smile played around his lips.
You managed a smile in return. "Sure, that'd be a great place to start. Penny for your thoughts. Or maybe a seashell since I don't have a penny right now. But I'm pretty sure I could find a seashell if you give me a few minutes."
Sun chuckled, his bright eyes shining with amusement. "I'll wait as long as necessary for the sea shell."
You smiled, finding some solace in the fact that you'd managed to make him smile. You dug your heels into the damp sand as you rocked back and forth. “I'll find you a really good one, promise.”
His body shifted towards you as he hummed thoughtfully. "Well then, what do you want to know? My thoughts? My fears?” As he spoke his hand slowly, almost cautiously came into contact with yours. It was such a delicate touch, just a light brushing of his knuckles against yours. Yet it sent a tremble through you. A weird, delightful tremble. He looked like he wanted to hold your hand, but something was stopping him. “My desires?"
"What are you thinking about right now?" you asked curiously.
Sun smirked, his eyes locking on yours again, watching you and your movements. "Right now?" he asked, pondering the question. His eyes were almost hypnotizing in the evening light. "I'm... thinking about you. Your company. The way you move, how your hair sways with the wind. How light the sand is around your feet, how the sun looks in your eyes." He sighed, a long and wistful sigh. "I'm just thinking about you, thinking about us, about right now."
You were admittedly taken off guard by that. Like... wow. Were those... were those butterflies in your stomach? You weren't even sure how to respond. You were too busy preoccupied with how hot your face felt against the cool evening air. "Ah.... that is quite a thought. Worth two sea shells at least." Oh my gaud, why am I like this? You thought.
Sun giggled, feeling positively delighted. He was unsure if his teasing was going a bit too far, but he couldn't resist seeing your reaction. Your cheeks were so pink now, like two fresh roses planted on your cheeks. Seeing such an adorable sight made him positively giddy. The way you played with the air, trying to look casual and relaxed, he had to suppress another laugh, his eyes sparkling brighter and brighter.
"I would have to buy a full beach to pay for the seashells I owe you for how precious you look right now."
You spluttered a few incoherent noises before turning fully away from him so he didn't have to see the red splotch that was your face right then. "You can't just say things like that unprovoked. Are you trying to end my life?"
"But you're adorable when you're blushing like this. Did you look in the mirror recently? Your beauty is enough to kill a man." His voice was soft, his gaze was warm and playful, his expression was amused, but he was genuine in his compliments. "Let me see your face again, pretty pearl. Please."
"Stop it," you said softly, covering your burning face with your hands. "If you're just fooling around, please stop." Because there was just no way he could truly feel that way. Not when you felt like such hot garbage.
Sun paused, he looked at you and realized that you were serious. Your blushing expression, your face that was heating up, and your attempt at hiding it; he could tell that you felt insecure and thought less of yourself, and he decided that he can't just let it be. Not when he genuinely saw you as an extraordinarily charming and beautiful person.
"I'm not fooling around," he spoke, his bright eyes locking on yours as he reached forward with trembling fingers. Carefully but firmly, he removed your hands from your face, keeping them trapped between his own as he stared at you seriously.
"Y... you're just saying all this because we were friends all those years ago. But I'm not that person anymore." Gods, how you wished you could be. Things felt so much easier than they did now. You had missed Sun and his brothers dearly and desperately. But that didn't change the fact that they didn't know you anymore and you certainly didn't know them as they were now.
Sun's expression softened for a second keeping a light but firm grip on your hands. "That's the thing. I can see that you've changed, I can see that you don't see yourself as beautifully as I do. But you're still the same person. Yes, time changes everyone, it's inevitable, but that doesn't mean that your core is different. So I know you might not see how lovely that core of yours is. But I can see it clearly, and you better bet that I'll keep reminding you."
Don't cry, don't cry, just.... just take the damn compliment. You take a very, very deep breath, until you thought your lungs might pop, and then exhaled slowly. "I missed you all, a lot. I thought about you so much..." You had never stopped blaming yourself for them getting lost and separated from you.
"I missed you too," Sun spoke softly, as your breathing slowed down, he finally felt like he was getting through your shell. Your fear. Now was the time to push a little, but not be too overbearing. He squeezed your hands with his, but he didn't move any closer. He wanted to make you comfortable with being this close, to feel safe by his side.
"Did you miss us all equally?" he asked suddenly, curiously, as he kept waiting for your answer, your breath. His eyes were sparkling with curiosity again.
You gave a snort and looked up at him. "Sun, really? I never played favorites with you back then, I'm not gonna start now."
"Oh, really?" he snickered, his grip tightening only slightly but enough for you to notice. "You never showed any extra fondness for any of us? Or maybe... extra fondness for one of us?"
You rolled your eyes, slipping your hands away from his, but you couldn't help but smile fondly as the memories started trickling in like a clear water spring. "Still the little attention whore I see. Except not so little anymore."
"Ohhh... You've noticed how tall and handsome I've gotten?" He straightened up to his fullest height, the red spots on his chest gleaming in the waning light, his grin widening. "Now I'm a big attention whore. Positively huge, even!”
You laughed so hard you were clutching your sides. At least he was self aware.
Sun chuckled along with you, enjoying the moment, the two of you laughing together. He was so happy to hear the sound of your mirth, that you seemed to become more relaxed than before, and the way your dimples flashed when you laughed. It all served to make this moment even more beautiful.
"Gods, I'm so glad I've found you again." His voice was soft, the look in his eyes warm and gentle, he paused before speaking again, looking away and scratching the back of his neck. "I hope you still feel the same way about me?"
Honestly, you felt so much lighter than when this conversation started. And it was true. You had missed them, and you were grateful you'd found them again. Just as you opened your mouth to answer, from out of nowhere, an octopus came flying and smacked Sun in the face, clinging to him.
After getting over your shock, a quick glance around and you spotted Moon's gleaming red eyes lurking in the shallows.
To be continued...
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Yawne pt 3
@Isazelhmann
I’m order to explain something’s without having a long explanation…. I made reader a little sheltered soooooooo yup going to be a part 4 now
Aonung kept looking over at me as we worked on fixing up the old nets. “Ma Aonung, you are staring at me… why do you stare?”
He smirked, “Because you glow my darling.”
I rolled my eyes, “You are full of it you know?”
He leaned in for a kiss and I gladly gave it, “You are and you know…it’s mating season… I will start my rut soon and surely I will fill you with child soon.”
“Mating season? Seriously?”
His eyebrows shot up, “Yes… how sheltered are you? Do you know what a rut is?”
“Well… if that’s real does it effect you physically? I never noticed anything different in the village back home.”
He smirked, “There are remedies just like there are remedies for your heat… and if you have time some of those remedies can be quite fun.”
Suddenly I my confusion turned into shyness, “have you ever participated in the fun ones?”
He buried his nose into my throat, peppering it with kisses, “I have… but don’t worry I never went all the way with any one… just hand jobs and blow jobs… temporary fixes really…”
I straightened up feeling a tinge of jealousy, “you’ve done sexual acts with other women?”
He reached out to run his hand through my hair, “I have. But to be fair… I was in rut. I have not only have had sex with you but done so outside of my rut. You have nothing to worry about. I only have eyes for you. Look at me Yawne.” I do and am met with a sympathetic smile, “Rut is a painfully strong urge to breed. I… I wasn’t always good about being prepared for it… I sometimes forget to take the medicine my mother gave me before it hit… it was just quick releases. I’m the next chief… it wasn’t hard to find someone who would help with the urges… it meant nothing to me, just a means of an end of an uncomfortable state that I was in.”
“Rut… is like being in heat?”
“Sorta but where you have a week twice a year, I have a month once a year…”
“What if my heat doesn’t start until after your rut?”
“You were really sheltered, weren’t you? It will more than likely start, our bodies are in sync. That being said we could still get pregnant outside our breeding cycles, it’s just not as easy. Seriously though have you never had this explained? You have brothers.”
I shrugged, “not really… we barely had the mating talk.”
He laughed, “my sweet innocent girl, you weren’t prepared for this… well if we choose to go through it, I will tell you that it will be a little rough. Have I gone through the full thing? No. Have I gone through someone’s heat? Also no… but I have had this talk when it first started.”
“Do you…. Want to go through it?” I questioned tentatively.
“It’s the best way to get pregnant. Almost sure fire.” He nodded fixing another knot in the line.
“So you have thought about this a lot?”
“Of course, ever since we talked about having babies.”
I paused to focus on him, “How will we manage your… urges? I haven’t ever forgotten my medication for my heat so I don’t know what to expect from either of us.”
He shifted, “Well we will need someone to help with the hunting. You suck at it, no offense, and I won’t be able to.”
“… what if we prepare with dry rations? My brothers and your sister can fill in when needed… though will you really want to eat? I am told when heat hits women we don’t want anything other than… hence why I never forgot to take my medicine.” I trailed off.
“No but we will need to eat, and while you aren’t in heat, you will need to make sure I do eat… whether or not I want to. Don’t let me touch you unless I have eaten at least once a day until you hit your heat. Then we will fuck each other’s brains out for a solid week and then depending on where I am on my rut, you might have to continue with the force feeding, until I come off it…”
“We can’t just give you the medicine?”
“No, I will be too far in for it to work unless we start at the same time or maybe three days apart tops and I doubt we will be so lucky. But drying our food is a good idea. Tomorrow I will get started on our perseves.”
…..
“Aonung… are you alright?” I questioned as my husband stumbled in with his skin glistening.
His stare was predatory, “Let me touch you baby.”
My eyebrows shot up, “Is this the rut?”
It was clear that he was fighting to collect himself, “Yes Baby, please touch me, let me touch you.”
“After dinner, okay?” I said hesitantly.
He stalked forward dropping his loincloth, “please just touch me, it’s been hard all day and I have had to finish getting our perseveres.”
I rolled my eyes, “sit your ass down, and eat, dinner is ready. I will give you a hand job as we eat, I suppose.”
He plopped down quickly taking the bowl I handed him, “thank you baby!”
He ate as he bucked his hips into my hand that stroked his length. I kept an eye on him as I ate my own food and stroked him with my free hand. He only seemed to be a little feral but I would learn that this is just the beginning.
As soon as I got up to clear the table his hands were roaming my body freely. I tried to get started on cleaning but his hands pulled back my hips, discarded my loincloth and quickly inserted himself into me. I yelped in surprise, “Aonung! What are you doing? I need to clean.”
“I need relief. You can clean while I am inside of your pretty pussy.”
“This is going to be a long month, isn’t it?” I grumble.
My heat hit and Aonung reacted to it like I was his air. His lips worshipped my skin as his teeth left bruises behind. His hands held onto my hips with bruising force as he slammed his thick length into me. We rarely disconnected while we were both in our states. The pleasure was intoxicating. I was enraptured with the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of me. The feeling of him engulfed me and still it wasn’t enough. He had filled me so many times that his essence was unable to be contained inside me.
When I finally came down, my body ached and I felt disconnected even with him still inside of me. I whined as I took a moment to come back to reality from the fog. I kept my legs slack and to the sides as I allowed my brain to focus. I let him finish before cooing, “Ma Aonung, please, I need you to pull out. I need to get cleaned up and rest.”
He paused for a moment but he complied. He only had a few more days on his rut and he was coming back down. I had to clean everything but it was worth it because I was pregnant.
Part 4
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pitifulbaby · 1 year
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desperate
summary: I’m starving, darling. Let me put my lips to something...
pairings: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader
warnings: smutish? foreplay ( i am not good at warnings, its smutty but nothing happens fully. )
a/n: alright so i didn’t think i’d be writing and posting once again but here we are. so for like the last few days this one line from hozier’s unreleased song has been looping through my brain nonstop, so, here we are! enjoy! 866 words.
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Eddie Munson didn’t think he was a desperate man, he was used to having little to nothing and being grateful for the things he had and making do with what he’s got. Sure he was deprived of many things, but there was only so much he could do about his past. 
He didn’t like to think he was desperate for things, it made him feel weirdly selfish to be desperate for things. He wasn’t judging others for being that way, he didn’t care if a person wanted something bad they felt desperate for it. He just didn’t want that for himself.
And he was doing good with that, living with that mindset.
But then he met you. You, with your pleated skirts and sweater vests- your beat up converse paired with frilly socks. The smudged ink that seemed to always be present on your skin no matter how often you cleaned it off, it would always make its way back. The way your nose seemed to scrunch as you laughed, the way your pinky seemed to always jut out even the smallest bit when you drank anything. 
You, You, You.
Eddie never thought he would feel this way over a girl, didn’t think he would be the one to fall head over heels for someone. He just never thought love would find him, sure he wanted it, but he wasn’t desperate for it. Eddie kinda just figured if love was meant for him that it would find him eventually, but as time went on that hope seemed to fade. Well, of course until you.
He felt like a man without water and his only cure would be you. It wasn’t until you walked into his life did he realize he really was deprived, he went so long without you in his life and how he managed? That was unknown to him. How with a glance, a touch, a smile, you seemed to change the entire trajectory of his life. 
He knew the moment he saw you that you were the missing piece of his life that he never knew was missing. You were this light at the end of the tunnel, this light that hit him head on out of nowhere- you consumed his entire being in all the best ways. You suffocated him in a way that he didn’t want it to stop.
You, made Eddie Munson desperate. He needed you in every single way. 
All he knew in this moment was you, he pressed kisses across your skin, only your skirt and bra adorning your body. You were laid out against his bed, the sheets ruffled against your back and head pressed against the pillow that he favored. Your hair was creating an almost halo like effect against said pillow, it was messy yet perfect to him.
He lets out an almost shaky breath against you, on his knees as he leans over your body. His hands were placed on your waist, soft and feather light touches as he trailed his hands down to your skirt. Eddie tugged the garment down your legs and threw it over his shoulder, which in turn caused you to laugh. 
You felt him smile against your skin, his hands moving to graze at the sides of your thighs before he tugged your legs open more, staring down at you through hooded eyes. His own hair was messy- messier than usual. His shirt had been the first article of clothing to leave, a usual make out session turned more as his desperation for you seemed to grow more and more- like usual. 
“M’ starving, darlin’,” His words were slurred as he spoke to you, whenever he got like this his voice seemed to drop a bit lower, resting more in his chest. If you listened close enough you could hear the faintest accent in the moments he seemed most relaxed. The smallest tracings of a southern accent swirling through his vocal cords from being raised by a heavily southern Wayne Munson.
He turned his head to press kisses against your knee, his hands sliding up from your thighs to your hips to pull off your underwear. His movements were slow, causing you to shift your hips and whine at him, which only made him laugh this time.
Once your underwear was with your skirt somewhere thrown in his room to find later, he hummed at the sight of you. Still sitting back on his knees he shuffled closer, his jean clad thighs brushing against the back of your thighs, the cold metal of his belt chain pressing against your ass. One hand pressed flat against your stomach and the other pressed into the pillow right by your head. He leaned down so his face was inches from yours. His messy, frizzy waves creating a curtain around you that locked him in.
“Let me put my lips to something.” His words that were once slurred, now more firm and sure, an almost sinister smile curling at the corners of his lips. The hand on your stomach trailing down to cup your heat.
Eddie Munson might be completely and utterly desperate for you, but you were all the same for him.
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ohmyeyesmyeyes · 10 months
Text
PLUS ONE - m.barzal
part one: sam & julia
warnings: alcohol, vomiting, hangovers, swearing, shit ex, wedding, breaking and entering, little bit of angst
plus one masterlist
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“Remember that time we had a sleepover in your basement and—”
You rolled your eyes, happily accepting the shot put under your nose as you knocked it back. 
God, you hated wedding speeches. Very rarely were they entertaining, and more often than not, you found yourself cringing at the thinly veiled jealousy exuded by the poor people subjected to give the speeches when they said one final goodbye to the friend they’d known since high school before they were inevitably swept up by the trials and tribulations of married life. 
That downright made you feel ill; sure, there were different types of wedding speeches, but, and hypocritically, the ones you hated the most were the awkward ones, where someone hadn’t come prepared at all, and stuttered and paused as they tried to think of something to say to satisfy the uncomfortable blanket of silence that inevitably would have draped itself across the entire room. Those kinds of speeches were drab, and they were somehow made even worse by the random questions thrown out there. Like this guy, for example. 
To say you’d known the bride since college you could safely say you’d never seen this person in your life, and probably for good reason, because his lack of organisational skills were astounding to the point that the only way you could distract yourself from it was to blindly accept the shots from your ever-so-gracious, and probably just as tipsy, plus one.
But this guy delivering the speech? His hands were shaking, and you could see sweat dripping down his temples and shining on his forehead, and whilst you did feel a tad of sympathy for him (because speeches are tough anyway), you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed in the way he kept flicking between two sheets of folded paper – hands shaking and looking nothing short of caught.
He’d been doing the question thing for longer than it really needed to be done for.
Sometimes people underestimated the power and effectiveness of the short-but-sweet speeches – ones that probably meant a lot more to the married couple than the disjointed rawlings that almost made it seem as though the person delivering said speech was trying to prove a point. What the point was, you had no idea, but there was definitely something to be said about the unreasonably long sequence of ‘do you remember…’, ‘one time we…’.
“I’m so fucking bored.” You could tell it was meant to be a whisper, one strictly reserved for your ears only, and you would have put a hand over your mouth to smother the laugh you felt bubbling up – if it weren’t for the fact that your entire table heard exactly what he’d just said.
Almost as soon as those words had left his mouth, you felt the weight of seven disapproving stares burn holes through the side of your face, and if it were possible, through the man himself. You could almost feel the heat radiating off his skin as though he’d been pierced by a hundred burning lasers.
Mat seemed oblivious – either that or he was promptly and purposefully ignoring the sudden attention, attention which he had vowed to stray from. In his words, ‘I want a hockey-free night, and ‘Tony’ sounds pretty gangster’. 
So, even though his place card said ‘Mat’, in his slightly tipsy state before the speeches began, he’d confided that he was to be called ‘Tony’ for the night. You’d simply patted him on the arm and obliged anyway, although you knew the only way to prevent yourself from actually calling him Mat was to just forgo calling him a name entirely.
So when you felt the table’s attention return back to the poor best man now wrapping up his speech, you hid a smile behind your hand. He was right, it was boring. And you were also dreading what would happen after the speeches, because you’d accidentally made direct eye contact with an ex of yours before you’d sat down, and the look in his eye had you predicting he’d want to talk to you before the night ended. 
There was a smattering of applause, and before you knew it, chairs were scraping along the floor and people were beginning to stand for the first dance. You attempted to stand – it was courteous considering you used to be somewhat friends with the bride – and it was polite, and honestly, you did want to see it. It was tradition, and you knew that it was really the first chance the couple had at actually realising they were married.
You loved watching their faces, even if they were a hint bashful at being under everyone’s watchful eye.
However, you couldn’t do that this time. People were lined up along gaps between the tables, and unfortunately that meant you couldn’t even push your chair out and stand up to get a glimpse over everyone’s heads, so you stayed with Mat, who’d gone back to sipping his Prosecco.
“Are you gonna be okay if I go and talk to some people for a bit?” You whispered, ears catching the soft melody of the music over the chatter of the crowd.
Mat blinked, turning to face you, a question written in his features, “I’ll be fine. Who’re you gonna talk to?”
His eyes were glazed, and his cheeks were flushed. He’d shrugged off his blazer a while ago, and you knew him well enough to know he was well on his way to being a little more than tipsy tonight. Unfortunately for you, that probably meant that he’d be an absolute nightmare to get to sleep.
“I’m gonna have to talk to Logan.” You admitted quietly, watching Mat carefully.
He rolled his eyes, handing you another shot – not successfully hiding his distaste for the situation. His gaze was stern and his mouth was pulled into a frown, “As in Logan that–”
“Yes.” Your tone was harsh, and Mat leant back in his chair, his jaw ticking as he turned back to the crowd. You handed him the shot he’d given you, and he downed it, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.
You leant back in your chair, mind racing. Mat had always had a certain displeasure for Logan – more specifically than any other ex he’d known – and he wasn’t exactly your favourite ex by any means, but there was something about Logan that got Mat ticking and his temper flaring. As far as you were aware, the two had never met; you’d been dating Logan around the same time you’d met Mat, but before you’d had the chance to introduce them both, Logan ended things. 
Never said why, never gave a reason, and if you were being honest, you were kind of curious as to how this little conversation with him was going to go. 
But to satisfy some of Mat’s not-so-subtle uncomfortability, you’d made the split-decision to negotiate with him. 
“If I make eye contact with you and blink twice, I’d like it if you could get me out of there.” Then, just as an afterthought, “Or if you’d prefer it, you can sit here and stew in your irrational hatred for the guy.”
“It’s rational–”
“So tell me.”
“Not yet, okay?” He paused, sighing, “But I’ll keep an eye on you.”
You lent an elbow on the table, resting your head against your fist as you looked at him. He was irritated, and it was almost immediately after he’d finished speaking that Logan stopped behind him and a shadow fell across his spot on the table that his concern turned almost instantaneously into a scowl. You sighed, frustrated with both Logan’s appearance and Mat’s refusal to give you any semblance of the truth, so you neglected to pat your friend on the shoulder when you walked back.
It was petty, but it wasn’t exactly your job to console him at that moment – least of all when it would be you talking to him.
Logan surprisingly led you to the dancefloor – though with the way his eyes kept flicking over your shoulder, you had an inkling that it was the lingering threat of Mat burning holes through him that prompted Logan to choose a place more in the public eye. 
You offered him a tight smile when you both awkwardly held each other, careful not to get too close. His hands were warm on your back, and you noticed that he made sure to touch you where your dress covered your skin. 
The tension between you both was odd, and it only seemed to break when an elderly couple – both wrapped up in their own foxtrot of sorts – accidentally knocked into you both. It had you both smiling at the couple, mutterings of ‘no problem’, and then the tension seemed to alleviate somewhat.
“How have you been?” You asked, unable to avoid catching a glimpse of Mat snatching a glass of Prosecco off a tray and down the entire thing in one go. Your expression dimmed slightly, and you had to cut your attention back to Logan, who was looking off to the side, how mouth slightly agape – almost sheepish.
“I’ve been good, yeah. I’m actually getting married next year, which is exciting.” His cheeks flushed, and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile at his clear adoration.
He might have been a pretty slack boyfriend, but you were still incredibly happy for him.
“Congratulations, who’s the lucky person?” Your grin widened as he looked to his feet bashfully, trying to mask the smile on his face.
Logan was never someone who openly admitted to wanting to settle down. Even when he was with you he’d flirt with the occasional girl; it was part of his personality, one that never dwindled even throughout the whole of college. After the breakup, he’d approach you in parties if you happened to see each other, and he’d still attempt to flirt with you – there was no end goal in sight with him – you always saw it more as a joke than anything. Truthfully, you assumed he was just a charming personality, although there were glimpses of something that always rested behind that flawless smile and those dazzling blue eyes.
You could imagine that falling in love with someone took him by surprise.
“Her name’s Rory, we were on and off in my last year of college, got back together two years ago and I proposed in December.” He nodded wistfully, as if recounting the moment, “What about you?” He nodded in Mat’s direction.
When you followed his eyes, you saw Mat had moved from his previous seat. He now held a new glass of Prosecco in his hand, and was sitting next to a little boy on the floor, just under the draping of the tablecloth. He was still watching you, and when he caught both your and Logan’s gaze, you shook your head in his direction, answering his implied question.
You saw his hazel gaze slide over to Logan momentarily, before he turned back to the kid, smiling at whatever they were handing him.
He was pretty – that was a fact you weren’t aware of, but Logan’s suggestion was…not correct.
“Oh, he’s just a friend. I met him around the time we broke up, actually.” You answered awkwardly.
But Logan wasn’t looking at you, in fact, his brows were furrowed and his eyes were fixed intently on Mat, a flicker of recognition flashing through his features.
“Is that Mat Barzal?” He asked, his eyes flicking down to you momentarily.
You stuttered, feigning confusion, “Who?”
“Mat Barzal? The hockey player for the Islanders?” Logan arched a brow, disbelieving of your naivety.
You nodded slowly, trying to figure out how you could spin the conversation without making you look ridiculous, “Oh, him…He actually gets that a lot.” You felt your cheeks flush, the slight haze of the alcohol beginning to kick in; you were surprised it took so long to take effect, and because of your sudden panic and hesitation, not wanting to out Mat when he’d previously stated he wanted to be called Tony for the night, you found yourself manoeuvring Logan, making sure his back was to Mat as you willed him to make eye contact with you.
He was still chatting to the little boy, gladly accepting a flower that must have been from a table somewhere, and you could tell from the slump in his shoulders and the way he’d had to half lean against the table leg that he was a little drunker than you’d initially guessed. So much so that, even through Logan talking, you watched as Mat brushed the tablecloth out of his face, before faltering, his hand going to stroke the material with incredible curiosity.
The delighted face he made as he searched for you in the crowd of dancers almost had you laughing out loud. If it weren’t for the slight fear you had with Logan’s insistent questioning.
“I never knew you were friends with Mat Barzal–” Logan carried on, oblivious to your rising sense of anxiety, one that only seemed to decline when Mat finally caught your eyes, and you blinked twice – purposefully.
It took a moment for him to realise what was happening, before the smile on his face faded a little and his hand untangled itself from the tablecloth as he wobbled to his feet, incredibly mindful of the little boy still playing with the flowers.
“Well…” you stalled, swallowing nervously and watching with careful eyes as Mat somehow managed to wind himself through the crowd to get to you, flashing people apologetic smiles if he bumped into them, “Actually…”
You saw him reach you a couple of feet away, and you didn’t let yourself relax until he was standing next to you, a comfortable – noticeably fake – smile plastered on his face. It was polite nonetheless, but he wasn’t looking at you.
“Hey, man,” Mat started talking, and you slowly pulled away from Logan, who’d frozen, his jaw dropped in sheer awe, “Is it okay if I just take Y/N off your hands for a bit? I need her to look at these tablecloths with me.”
You had to look away. Mat may have looked physically sober, but his speech was slurred and his cheeks were rosy and he couldn’t keep his eyes still when he looked at Logan. 
You snuck a peek at Logan, who’d seemingly regained a little consciousness and his cheeks were flushing with embarrassment.
You always admired Mat’s patience and tolerance for his fans, and even then it didn’t seem to dwindle when he was faced with the man he clearly had some sort of hatred for, and was also less in control of his own actions considering the fact he was drunk off his face. That tight smile was still plastered on his face, and he swayed a little on the spot, forcing you to reach a hand out to stabilise his arm. 
He didn’t even flinch. 
Even so, despite the fact that it took a while for Logan to compose himself, his eyes very obviously going from your hand on Mat’s arm, then all the way down his figure, Mat remained completely calm and patient. In your grip, however, you could feel some awkward tension in his arms; he remained rigid, as if expecting some sort of backlash to the interruption, though that may have just been his awareness of his lack of stability, and in combating that appearance, he’d purposefully tensed to remain on his own two feet.
Logan stuttered, a hand going to rest on his own chest as he glanced back at you, almost remembering you were standing there and Mat was, in fact, asking for you in that moment, “I mean, sure – I’m Logan, by the way.” He held a hand out for Mat to shake.
Tony or Mat? The ultimate question.
After a few seconds, you furrowed your brows, looking at Mat only to see his eyes were fixed on Logan’s wavering hand, a conflict evident in his eyes. You squeezed his arm, and he lifted his hand to shake Logan’s.
It was slow, and every movement was deliberate, and you couldn’t tell if you were expecting to find something or overthinking the entire thing, but you swore Logan’s hand turned white for a split second.
“I’m Tony,” Mat began, removing his arm from your grip to take your hand instead. He was still looking at Logan, and you could sense the challenge between the two men as Logan blinked, obviously confused. He looked back to you for a split second, and you shrugged, offering him no justification. It was clear to you and it was obviously clear to Mat that Logan knew who he was, and in that brief moment that Mat let Tony land in the silence between them, you could tell he was waiting for Logan to challenge him, “nice to meet you.”
Logan nodded, swallowing harshly, and you couldn’t help but feel a hint of sorrow for him – but at the end of the day, it was inevitable that Mat took precedence in your mind.
“You too.” Logan mumbled, before turning to you, a grimace of a smile etched on his face, “Well, it was nice to catch up; I’m glad you’re well and happy, but I can see you’ve got tablecloths to inspect with Tony.” He nodded, carefully avoiding Mat’s eyeline as his focus was kept entirely on you. 
You nodded, plastering a smile on your face for nostalgia’s sake, even if you were slightly uncomfortable with how the interaction had turned out, “You too, I hope you have a lovely wedding, and send Rory my congratulations.”
“I will, thank you.” At this, Logan’s grimace seemed to soften slightly.
“See you around.” 
“You too.”
And then Mat was dragging you back through the crowd, this time not as careful to prevent himself bumping into anyone as he was before, and you had to pull his hand back a little to get him to slow down. 
When you finally reached his prior spot, he dropped your hand and sat on the floor, this time almost entirely hidden underneath the table.The kid from before had disappeared, and there were significantly less people around – the crowd had dispersed and people were beginning to say their goodbyes.
It was pretty late.
You didn’t follow him, instead opting to stand with your arms crossed, attempting to at least be a little annoyed with his behaviour for Logan’s sake, but with the way he was acting – high out of his mind – you couldn’t help but break out a small smile. He’d gone back to playing with the tablecloth, and he was a few inches from falling onto the floor, his eyes so glazed over with no trace of his previous tension evident in his frame. It almost seemed like he’d forgotten the entire interaction altogether.
Neither of you said anything for a while, and it wasn’t until Mat straightened up under the table and gently patted your leg with a frown that almost mimicked a child’s that you realised he’d been waiting for you to sit down with him.
You sighed, hiding your smile at his antics, and joined him under the table.
“Are you mad at me?” He asked, lazily turning his head to look at you as he rested his head on his elbow. His eyes were comically sad, and it sent a pang of guilt resonating through you.
He’d been looking sad quite a bit lately – it was part of the reason you’d invited him to this wedding, to get his mind off the breakup, but a small part of you regretted asking him. Surely inviting him to a wedding after a breakup would only break his heart even more? Remind him of what he could have had?
You shook your head, “I could never be mad at you.”
He nodded, seemingly happy with the response, but there wasn’t a smile on his face to support that.
“I overheard him at a restaurant once,” he started, huffing a breath after pulling his eyes away from yours. You furrowed your brows, not entirely sure what he was talking about, but not wanting to interrupt his flow, “I didn’t know it was him until I saw you clearing out his stuff from your dorm–”
Oh. 
He was talking about Logan. Even the tone of his voice had you on edge – he was angry, and with that came a sense of foreboding. 
“–I was with some friends, and they were sitting behind us, and…you should have heard some of the things they were saying, even Logan.” He sighed, not daring to look at you, “They were talking about women like they were…objects, like their sole purpose was to be on this earth for their pleasure–” He stopped talking, and you saw his face crumple, visibly uncomfortable as he recalled whatever was plaguing his mind, “It was so vulgar. It was horrible, and I guess one of them must have said something about someone we knew, because Jamie snapped and yelled at them and the next thing I knew, Jamie was socking him in the face and all five of us were brawling with the others. I remember seeing Logan’s photo in your room afterwards and I was glad you guys broke up.” He laughed bitterly, “I know if you guys hadn't, I would have been scared for you – and guy is getting married?” He turned to you, complete disbelief dripping from his face.
You nodded.
“Fucking hell.”
There wasn’t really much to say. Your mind was undoubtedly reeling with the new onslaught of rather horrible information, and a part of you did wonder if he was only telling you this because he was drunk and he was still thinking about Logan after the short conversation. But when you thought about it, Logan having those views about women wasn’t all surprising. There were comments he’d made in your relationship that had you pausing and pulling faces at the time, but you brushed them off, half hoping he was joking in your youthful naivety. 
It put a lot of things into perspective for you.
“Thank you for defending us.” You whispered, tilting your head towards him.
“Shouldn’t have had to yefend dou.” He slurred, blinking upon realising what he’d just said.
You laughed softly, despite the subject, “I know. But there’s always going to be people like that, and not many would have stood up against what they were saying in the first place, so thank you.” 
“Shouldn’t have given him the time of day.” He shook his head, beginning to sulk, and though you knew he’d probably chastise himself over what he did and didn’t do, you let him for a while, simply rubbing a hand against his back.
“Considering what you knew, I thought you handled it very well.”
“I had to,” he threw a hand up in the air, shifting himself so his head was leaning against your shoulder, “If I’d have blown up, something would have happened with my career. I wanted to, but…”
“It’s okay.” You rested your head on top of his.
You sat like that for a while, you people watching from your hiding space.
Then Mat’s breathing changed and you felt him relax against you, and you knew it was time to get back to the hotel. You hesitated waking him, but knew he’d probably need to throw up at some point, and it would be more comfortable if he was sleeping in his bed.
You dragged a hand through his hair, gently scratching to wake him up. The trick for waking a drunk, sleepy Mat Barzal was slowly. If he woke up in a fright, he’d spend a while trying to fight his way out of a dizzy spell, and it had taken a few goes to really find the right way to wake him up; stroking his hair seemed to be the most effective, with the least amount of side-effects.
You felt him begin to stir, a sleepy sigh escaping his lips. 
“Careful.” You whispered, watching as his eyelashes fluttered and he tensed, slowly lifting his head from your shoulder, groaning as he blinked rapidly.
“How long was I out for?” He asked, and you saw his eyes wobble before he shut them entirely. He was still drunk, but the motion of moving into a vertical position after being somewhat horizontal sent his head spinning.
“Only about ten minutes or so.” You answered, moving to shuffle out from under the table, before turning around and holding a hand out for him to grab on to, “Come on, you need to sleep.”
He opened his eyes, somewhat blindly grasping for your hand and using it as leverage to pull himself out from under the table. There weren’t many people around anymore, so you had no trouble leaving the tent, one of Mat’s arms draped across your shoulders. You had to stop every so often, Mat breathing heavily through his nose to keep a bout of vomit down, but you managed to get him up the stairs and to his hotel room.
“You gonna be okay?” You asked, leading him to his bed. Your room was just next door, and you knew if he knocked you’d gladly run in and help if he needed it, but all his stuff was here, and you were both tired from the late night and the events that had come with it. A full day of socialising and answering personal questions asked by strangers was exhausting. 
“Should be.” He answered, face down on top of the duvet. 
You didn’t answer him, but moved to the mini fridge in the corner of the room to take out a bottle of water and some painkillers for the morning, placing them on his bedside table.
“Right, well, I’m next door. Knock if you need anything.” You reminded him, patting him gently on the back.
It felt almost inhumane leaving him to suffer by himself, but you knew he wouldn’t hesitate to ask if he needed help. That gave you some peace of mind at least, and you weren’t about to impose yourself in his room when he might not even need much assistance.
You went back to your room, and it was only after you’d finished in the bathroom and managed to get somewhat comfy in your own bed that you heard a sound that sent your heart into a frenzy of panic.
There was a click that sounded remarkably like the lock on your door, and before you could turn the light on and overthink it, your door was opening and Mat was walking through carrying a bottle of water and looking worse for wear.
“Jesus Christ.” You whispered harshly, refraining from throwing a pillow at him, “You scared me! How did you even get in here?” 
He blinked, coming over to sit on your side of the bed, looking a little unwell if you said so yourself. There was a tinge of green to the pallor of his skin, and a thin film of sweat across his forehead, “I stole one of your keys earlier.” He said, breathlessly.
You swallowed, a sense of dread prickling your stomach at his symptoms. You got out from under your covers, placing a hand to his forehead. You weren’t cold by any means, but when you placed your hand against his forehead, he leant into it, relishing in the relief you provided. His eyes shut and he sighed.
“Are you okay?” You asked, concerned.
He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly clamped it shut when his body jolted. You barely had three seconds to spin a single thought together, and the closest thing was the ice bucket, so you lunged for it, just shoving it in front of his face quick enough for him to empty the contents of his stomach into it. 
You winced, trying not to think too much about what was happening, and he hunched forwards, trying to jam his face into the bucket, “Hey, you don’t want to get covered in it, get your face out.” You scolded gently, and he lifted his head slightly, his hand going to clutch your forearm for support.
It was bound to happen, you’d decided. You lost track of how much he’d drunk, and you couldn't say you’d been with him the majority of the night, so you didn’t have any realistic guesses as to how much alcohol he’d consumed, but puking wasn’t exactly an unpredictable end to the night.
His breathing was ragged, and every so often you’d catch a groan of pain as his stomach twisted.
“You’re okay.” You whispered into his hair, rubbing a hand down his back. “Just let it all out.”
A couple of minutes later, the vomiting had stopped somewhat.
Mat lifted his head up, trying not to gip when he caught a glance of the contents of the bucket, and unscrewed the cap on the bottle of water he’d brought with him.
“Better?” You asked.
He nodded, greedily gulping it down.
“Can I clean and empty it now or do you feel like you’re gonna need it again?”
He shook his head.
You pushed yourself from the bed, turned the light on in the bathroom and poured the contents into the toilet, before flushing it and placing the bucket in the bath – immediately turning your attention away from it and blasting the shower on. 
When you made it back to your bed, Mat had curled up under the covers on your warm spot, his back turned to the middle of the bed. He was still awake, and when you placed the bucket on the bedside table next to his side, he attempted a smile.
“Feeling better?” You asked, trying not to smirk when he huffed and pulled the duvet closer up the bed.
“Just say it. I know you want to.”
You grinned, climbing into the other side of the bed, “Well if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.”
You snuggled down, turning off the light by the bed, slightly smug but also kind of feeling a little bit bad for how miserable he must be feeling.
Just as you were about to drift off, a voice cut through the darkness, jolting you awake.
“Can we cuddle?” 
You screwed up your face, half amused yet slightly taken aback by the question. Sure, you’d cuddled Mat occasionally before, mainly when he’d had a bad game or was feeling a bit sorry for himself, but it felt weird doing it in a bed with the lights off.
It felt like the territory that friends should not venture into.
“No.” You whispered.
Clearly that wasn’t the answer Mat was hoping for, because you felt the sheets move around you and a waft of air hit your face. When you opened your eyes you were almost nose to nose with the Canadian.
His hair was a mess, you could see that in the dark, and his eyes were shining.
“Why not?”
“Because we’re friends.”
“Friends cuddle all the time. We’ve done it before.”
“Yeah, in daylight and not in a bed. It’s weird.”
“What’s weird about it?”
“Everything. Also, you’re still drunk and you literally just threw up. You have vomit breath.”
“I’ll clean my teeth.”
“Please go to sleep.”
“But I want to cuddle.”
“Go clean your teeth.” 
He get out of bed, whisper-cackling at managing to wear you down so quickly, and you attempted to go back to sleep, knowing if he saw you were asleep he wouldn’t even go anywhere near you, but the two minutes seemed to go past incredibly quickly and before you knew it, he was climbing back into bed, looking at you expectantly.
He was facing you, a fact that had your brain stalling a little.
“What are you doing?” You asked.
“What are you doing?” He shot back, pulling a face.
“I’m wondering why you’re looking at me like that.”
“Because you’re not turning around?”
You let out a breath, almost scoffing at his insinuation, “I am not turning around.”
“Is it because you don’t want to deal with morning wood?”
“What the fuck, no.”
“Or maybe you’re scared there will be no morning wood? Because maybe if I don’t get morning wood then you’d think you weren’t attractive – which you are – but if I get morning wood, then you’d think I was attracted to you–”
“Stop saying morning wood. And that’s not the reason, okay? I couldn’t care less if you got a boner – and by the way, I am amazed at the way your mind works, really. But I am not letting you spoon me.” You narrowed your eyes.
“Why?” You could almost hear his offended tone slip through.
“You know what? Forget the whole cuddling thing, I’ve changed my mind.”
Mat threw his face into the pillow, groaning dramatically.
“You don’t like cuddling?” He asked, almost appalled at the idea.
“Not with you.”
He gasped, before trying to shuffle closer to you, seeking some heat since he’d left the bed and been exposed to cold air.
“Hey, hey. Don’t cross the boundary.” You pushed yourself up, drawing a line from where the two pillows met in the middle of the bed, preventing him from moving forward any further.
“Why, what would happen if I did?”
“You’d be entering a different season and if you stay too long your wings would break. You’d have a broken wing, Mathew. Nobody wants that.”
You practically heard him roll his eyes at your exaggerating, “Is that a Tinkerbell reference?” You nodded, “How old are you? And it’s just cuddling. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Oh, Jeez, I don’t know, maybe you could puke in my face and I could choke on your vomit?”
There was a beat of silence, and you could feel the weight of a sarcastic stare poking holes in your face, “Be fucking for real right now–”
A short burst of laughter escaped you, and you could hear Mat chuckling a little at your reaction. The silence was short lived – as it always seemed to be when you were talking to Mat at night.
“What about tickle-scratching?” He whispered, just as you turned your back on him.
You pulled a face, “What the fuck is that?” You turned your head slightly over your shoulder just in time to see a hand reach out towards you.
“It’s where we, like, scratch each other’s backs in a gentle way,” he demonstrated, his hand indeed going to scratch your shoulder very gently, as though he was afraid you’d shoot the idea down. You definitely were, but your curiosity as to where he was going with this was winning you over, “Not in a weird way, just like…” He trailed off, his hand still gently scratching your skin.
It was a little weird, but you couldn’t deny that the action sent shivers down your spine. It was a nice feeling, a little strange – it made you feel like a cat or something, but it felt weirdly relieving.
“What?” You exclaimed, beginning to tease him a little through his still-drunken haze.
Where the fuck had he gotten that from?
He groaned once more, this time ripping his hand off you and rolling over onto his side of the bed, his back turned to you with a flourish. You did briefly wonder how he hadn’t made himself dizzy with all that throwing around and sharp turns of direction, but you spent most of your energy trying to smother your giggles behind your hand.
You tried not to move the mattress, but when you felt him turn around, undoubtedly confused as to the shaking, you cleared your throat, and spun back around. You scooted over the line of demarcation, risking a broken wing, and wrapped an arm around his waist, making yourself comfortable as he grasped onto your hand and you settled your forehead against his back.
To say he’d been seeking some bodyheat barely minutes ago, Mat was boiling. In fact, you didn’t know how the thought of seeking human contact had even occurred, because that level of warmth would surely just make him uncomfortable? It was like snuggling a heater.
“Leg.” He whispered, and you rolled your eyes, complying anyway as you slotted your leg between his, further adding intricacy to your entanglement.
“Do you just want me to completely lay on you or are you good now?” You asked, barely bothering to hide your deadpan tone.
“Actually–”
“Shut up.”
It had barely been five minutes and you could feel yourself hanging precariously on the brink of sleep — brain switching off and yourself being consumed by the inevitability of morning — when Mat huffed, startling you as you briefly tightened your hold on him.
The action had your entire body jerking, heart pounding awfully in your chest and a short breath expelling from your mouth. Only for Mat to groan and fold in on himself.
The hand that had been enclosed around yours shot south and in the sudden movement you pushed yourself away from him and reached across to turn the light on, undoubtedly concerned. Your first thought was that he’d been sick again, but the light quickly illuminated a scene that, for a man, could only mean one thing.
His face was screwed up, half plastered into the pillow beneath his cheek, and both his hands were cupping the bulge in his boxers. His entire body had gone taught and when you touched his shoulder, attempting to roll him over somewhat, he let out a pained groan that bordered dangerously on the pornographic scale. 
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” You asked, slightly appalled, each ounce of sleep shot completely from your system.
You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, waiting impatiently for him to respond.
“Answer m—”
“You kneed me in the fucking balls, you bitch.” He fake cried, a hand slapping on his forehead as his other still clung to his dick.
You blinked, half expecting him to say he was joking. When that didn’t happen, you let out a loud laugh, hand going over your mouth as consideration for your neighbours managed to sneak through your brain.
“Don’t laugh at me.” He pleaded, fingers pinching his nose rather dramatically, which only seemed to make the entire situation even funnier in your mind, “It really hurts. I can feel my children withering inside me.”
That had your laugh breaking through the shield of your hand, and you had to bury your face in your pillow to muffle the sound. Mat was a funny guy, mostly unintentionally — like his actions; his unfiltered and unmanaged facial expressions when he sees someone pick something up off the floor and eat it (even immediately after they’d dropped it); his inability to listen to Waterloo by ABBA when driving because it ‘is very overwhelming’; or the things he says that you just know slip out of his mouth the very second he thinks it and then instantly regrets it. Your point is, Mat Barzal is hilarious in an endearing way, mostly because he doesn’t even realise just how amusing he is to watch out of the corner of your eye; he’s weird like that. 
So when he says that, you feel as though your entire reaction is completely justified because it’s just so wacky and damn honest that it startles you entirely.
When you calm yourself down, tears resting in your eyes, and turn your face on the pillow to look at him, your cheeks aching from smiling, he’s looking at you oddly.
Softly. With mild curiosity. As though he’s just smiling unconsciously and a little confused at why exactly you were reacting to him like that. 
His eyebrows were furrowed, but his eyes were soft and you knew if he’d have covered the rest of his face you would have been able to know he was smiling just from the little crinkles gathered at the corner of his eyes. But the rest of his face was visible, and he was smiling that smile where his mouth was turned down — an upside-down smile, where he was trying to smother the bright grin on his face as best as he could.
You lived for those Mat smiles because it meant he wasn’t aware of how his face was presenting itself. It was Raw Mat, not having to worry about what everyone would think of the way he looked or reacted.
And with the soft glow of your light, you caught yourself, not for the first time, wondering what it would be like to kiss him.
The first time you’d done that was when he’d dragged himself out of his dorm on your birthday, after playing a brutal match he’d lost, body worn out and so, so tired you were afraid he’d fall asleep standing up, and turned up for you. His hair had been slightly damp from the shower, and his eyes were bloodshot with dark bags, and he’d smiled at you sleepily, given you a homemade cake and it was immediately after he’d said ‘I’m always gonna show up for you’ that you’d wondered what it would be like to just kiss him then and there, in all his adorable fatigue.
Mat was just soft, and probably the cutest and hottest person you’d ever met and known. And you’d not loved him more than you had in that moment when he was looking at you in that way, completely accepting of who you were, and loving you just as you were.
You’d never really felt that comfortable around anyone.
“What?” You found yourself asking.
His expression flickered, and something seemed to sober him up a little. His tongue swiped out to wet his lips, and for a second it did cross your mind that maybe he might have been thinking about kissing you too, in a friend-way (because friends did that, right? Just to know that they were definitely meant to be friends and were soulmates in the platonic way, not the other way), but then he frowned and started trying to pick a piece of fluff off from the sheets.
You ducked your head slightly, trying to catch his eye. 
“If you tell me what you’re thinking, I’ll let you cuddle me this time.” He didn’t react, and you felt a sordid pang of regret, “But only if you want to.”
His mouth lifted slightly. You took it as a win.
You waited patiently for a while, fighting and losing against the exhaustion that was beginning to claim you, but then he lifted his head up.
“I just feel like everyone I know is getting married.”
Oh. It was one of those sleepovers.
You swallowed, your arm going under your pillow and poking back out the other end, playing with the ends of Mat’s bed head.
You knew he was still drunk, that maybe this vulnerability was spurred on only by the confidence of the alcohol in his system.
“Not everyone.” You reassured.
It felt limp, and you didn’t even believe yourself. Mostly because you also knew what he was talking about, because you’d spent a few sleepless nights agonising over that fact, that maybe it was too late for you.
It kind of felt like a party everyone you know had been invited to but not you.
It was everywhere, like the worst kind of sickness.
Love. Marriage.
Kids.
Perhaps it was the kids comment after you’d kneed him that had him all pensieve and reflective all of a sudden. In any other situation that assumption would have made you smile, but truthfully, it was difficult to distract yourself from the dread that had settled itself in your chest.
“Feels like everyone.” He mumbled.
His mouth did that thing that he tended to do when he was unsure about something. It wasn’t a pout as such, but it vaguely resembled the expression of a kicked puppy, and you felt your previous elation dim rapidly. Your jaw clenched.
“Yeah.”
At your whisper of agreement, his head snapped up, and for some reason, the heat and sheer level of understanding behind his eyes had you reaching behind you to turn the light off, because you couldn’t stand the intensity of his gaze. It felt like you were being picked apart and put through an x-ray machine, like the ones in airports, but instead of suitcases it felt as though he was x-raying your entire brain.
“Are you jealous?” You whispered, slightly ashamed of your question.
“Yeah.”
There was a prick of relief. 
“Of what?”
He didn’t hesitate when he answered plainly, “That I’ll never find someone I love as much as some of them love each other.”
You squeezed your eyes shut, knowing he wouldn’t see how that vulnerable admission would have pained you. You could have said that ‘of course you will’, but that kind of reassurance never sat well with Mat – he wanted honesty, definites. 
“You’re a very lovable person, and anyone who doesn’t realise how incredible you are off the ice is a complete fuckwit.” You mumbled, but upon hearing silence, continued, “Over half of marriages end in divorce, and a hundred percent of divorces are a result of marriages, so maybe it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” You were beginning to smile by the end of it, through no feat apart from the fact that what you were saying, whilst true, was a ridiculous notion of trying to encourage him to crack a smile whilst simultaneously easing his doubts.
You knew you were right, even if he didn’t, because Mat was the most lovable person you’d ever met. There was something endearing about him at first, his clever mumbles under his breath when he was surrounded by strangers, but from then on, he’d only continued to grow on you.
It was just a shame Shiv hadn’t figured that out before she broke up with him a couple of weeks ago.
Nevertheless, your comment seemed to have worked, because his eyes briefly closed as his mouth twitched upwards. It wasn’t his usual cheeky grin, but it would settle for now.
___
The breakfast buffet was packed full of stumbling, hungover adults, blinking wearily and not-so-subtly wincing at each chink of cutlery against porcelain plates. One of them was sitting opposite you, his head resting in his palm – which, every now and again, kept slipping either with a lack of real effort and energy or due to fatigue and slips in and out of consciousness. His plate was full of eggs and toast, his glass filled with orange juice, and apart from the unfair ‘I just got out of bed’ messy hairdo he’d got going on, Mat was wholly and unashamedly hungover. 
He’d woken up once in the night and you had to shove the wine bucket back under his face, but it seemed only one of you was able to recollect that event, and it was you that was paying for it. It wouldn’t have been that much of a disruption if he hadn’t have spent twenty minutes dry heaving, claiming “I’m gonna–” every three seconds and if it weren’t for the fact that you’d made yourself climb out of bed to wash out said bucket again just in case, you wouldn’t be paying for such…exhaustion. 
The only win out of the entire thing was that he was having to deal with a murderous headache, a swirling stomach, dizziness and travel sickness from walking – and you got to watch it all with some amount of amusement because you had warned him not to drink too much, and he was paying for his actions in real time. 
You’d finished your breakfast a while ago, and had resorted to scrolling on your phone, but the sight in front of you was slowly getting your attention. Despite the hilarity of the situation, you were able to sympathise to some extent, because Mat had taken care of you on multiple occasions, so with the next gentle put-down of cutlery and the droop of his head, eyelashes indicating he’d fallen asleep again, you put your phone down on the table.
“Mat?” You whispered, mindful of his aching head. There was no response. 
After snapping a quick picture, you reached a hand forwards, to clasp around the wrist clutching the fork tightly in his hand. He was warm, the t-shirt he was wearing clearly not doing enough to cool him down. 
“Mathew?” You tried again, a little louder, taking the fork out of his hand. He stirred at the movement, lifting his head and blinking blearily. His eyes were red, and his skin was a little paler, lacking the usual flush.
He first glanced at the plate of eggs, then clenched his jaw and breathed heavily through his nostrils, the simple reminder of a plate of food making him nauseous, “Yeah?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“You gotta eat the eggs.” You urged, picking up the knife and cutting the toast, making sure to scoop some eggs onto it, “They’re good for hangovers.”
His nostrils flared, and he crossed his arms, looking somewhere to the left of you as you raised the forkful up, “I think I’m going to be sick.” He muttered, resorting to sipping a mouthful of orange juice.
You stifled a smile at his blatant disgust, “You don’t have to eat it all.” Nothing. Fucking stubborn. “Look, I won’t let you leave this table until you’ve eaten at least half of it, and if you eat half of it, I’ll give you my eyemask, headphones and travel pillow on the drive back.”
His eyes slowly slid over to you, ensuring not to travel too fast out of fear he’d become dizzy, and you could tell he was considering your offer. He glanced between the fork, then to you, and after several repetitions of that action, you’d concluded that if you pushed the fork a little closer to his face, there wouldn’t be an issue in him accepting the food. So you did just that, and with few gags he managed to finish off at least three quarters of the plate.
It wasn’t until you were fifteen minutes into driving, Mat with his head against the window, eyes covered with your mask, wearing your headphones and his cap, that either one of you spoke. 
“Are you going to Lisa and Mike’s wedding?” He mumbled, breath momentarily fogging up the glass. His words cut through the stream of music you had going, and part of you startled at the sudden interruption, having been under the impression that he’d immediately gone to sleep.
It wasn’t until he lifted the eyemask off and slid the headphones off that you managed to gather yourself, answering him with a hurried, “Yes.”
Out of the corner of your eye you could see him nod his head fractionally, his mouth twisting into that all-too familiar expression, “What?” You demanded, that nervous tingle ricocheting through your hands. 
You could feel yourself tense briefly, knowing whenever he got that scheming, thoughtful flicker in his expression that he was about to do one of two things, both involving him asking a question that involved you: he was about to ask you to do something you weren’t going to necessarily agree with, or ask you a hard-hitting, deep question that would leave you both in an embarrassing silence for the rest of the trip back.
He took a deep breath, hesitating, and you switched off the music, unable to deal with the tense atmosphere he’d suddenly created with one fucking look, “Uh..” he breathed a laugh, “I was thinking–”
“Fuck me.” You muttered, pressing your lips together.
You really hoped he was exaggerating his own dramaticness.
“-That maybe we should go together to all these weddings?” He paused, and after a few seconds of your silence, burst out, “You don’t have to or anything, but I just thought it’d be a–”
“Fucking hell, I thought it was going to be something more serious than that.” You interrupted, flashing him an amused smile as he stopped talking, his jaw hanging open as he digested your words.
“Is that a yes?” He arched a brow, clearly confused at your reaction, or lack thereof.
You shrugged, turning the music back on but keeping the volume low, “Why…” You momentarily paused, “Why would we both want to subject ourselves to more weddings when they’re already the bane of our existence?”
“Because we’ll have each other for support.”
A sad smile tugged at the corner of your mouth, “Neither of us can really get through weddings without drinking. Times that by two, and it’s borderline unhealthy.” You were clutching at straws, and you knew you were, but there was something that just niggled the back of your mind when you thought about attending more weddings with Mat as your plus one. 
You’d both have the questions to answer, then the disbelieving glances when you told the truth, and the rest of the evening with people zooming in on something that didn’t exist. It wasn’t that Mat made you uncomfortable, but the attention he’d bring – only to be seen with you – would surely…change something? 
He straightened, taking a sip of water, “Please.” 
Oh, you absolutely were now. It was settled. Mat had a way of manipulating his voice to sound so wrecked and emotional that it physically killed something inside of you. You weren’t sure if he knew the particular effect it had, but as soon as he uttered ‘please’ with such conviction, you were gone for. 
He was still speaking, but the back of your mind was racking up the travel costs, hotel costs, drinks costs, and the amount of time you’d have to request off work – it was a good thing you didn’t have any other holidays planned, or that many days off sick so far; you could rack up the paid holidays unpaid holidays–
“I already told them I was going with Shiv, and now…” he trailed off, head almost swinging in your direction. You took a quick glance at him  out of the corner of your eye. Just as you were about to agree and put him out of his misery, he seemed to jump ahead, a twinge of panic in his tone, “My baby cousin is getting married before me. When he was born, I was eight. And when we were growing up it was all ‘oh, when are you and Shiv gonna tie the knot?’, and now it feels like they can’t talk to me without feeling like they’re pitying me. One mention of weddings and I get ten different people looking at me like it’s…an issue that I’m not married. Like they thought for sure that she was the one I was gonna end up with.” He took a deep breath and settled back into his seat, cheeks colouring as though he was embarrassed by the passionate outburst.
In all honesty, you were shocked it had taken him this long to say something. He dated Shiv for years. Even you thought they were going to end up marrying each other. When they broke up he ended up staying at your apartment with daily half-hour phone calls and FaceTime videos with Tito, who seemed so fucking torn about the whole situation, knowing the both of you could only work together to help him so much; he had to find a way to help himself eventually.
There was something about her not ‘being able to cope with his lifestyle’. You weren’t too sure of the specifics.
“Did you think that you were going to end up with her?” It was brave of you to ask. It shocked you that it was also the first time you even thought to ask him about it; you just assumed he did. 
Yet, judging from the way his eyes went straight to the road ahead, he was somewhat at odds with himself, “I don’t know what I thought.” He shrugged, surprising you, “At first, I thought ‘this is either going to end in marriage or be the worst breakup of my life’, but I think that wore off after a while. She was comfortable, and we were content. Not so much happy, but tolerating each other.” Then he sighed, reaching to fiddle with the eyemask, and you took that as a hint to leave the topic alone for the time being, “I did love her, but if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been putting off buying a ring for a while. I’m kind of glad I didn’t though, because things are starting to feel more right now than they have in a while. It hurts to admit that, but…”
You nodded, proud he’d spilled what had been playing at his mind, “So this wedding deal – are we going to be colour matching–”
“Thank fuck.” He whispered, “I’m gonna spend the rest of my life thanking you for this–”
“Just shut the fuck up and go back to sleep.”
He adhered to the former, but didn’t immediately act on the latter. He was smiling, probably more than you’d seen him smile in a while, and you knew you wouldn’t come to regret the decision one bit. Mat was one of your best friends, as childish as that sounds, and if it meant taking some of that weight off him at your expense, you’d probably do it whenever you could.
“I love you too.” 
You shot him a glance at the words he’d said, cheeks blazing. He knew you did.
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Text
Four Guys Walk Into A Bar pt 4
I let Eddie drive, this is what happened.
Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 A03 link
                                                               *
“You ever wonder if ants have feelings?” Eddie asked the ceiling, his voice floaty and aloof the way it usually got when he was toasted, “Like is it possible to compress the shit that makes feelings down that much?”
“Can’t say I have.” Billy passed Eddie the cigarette they’d been sharing, the reach made easier by Eddie’s positioning with his head on Billy’s stomach.
“You think about ants often, Munson?” The words were probably meant to be mocking, but the liquor had softened Tommy's tone. His freckled cheek was pressed against Steve’s shoulder, making the words all the more muffled and soft.
That was something that had started about an hour ago, all of them bleeding into one another. First Eddie had thrown his legs over Steve’s lap. Then Tommy, never one to be shown up, let himself lean into Steve’s side. Billy had laid down beside Eddie, and Eddie hadn’t hesitated to cuddle up to him. The blonde had looked like he was staring down a bear, but he hadn’t told Eddie to move. Which naturally meant Steve could sprawl his legs out over Billy’s. 
He hadn’t argued that either.
Now they were all more or less a puddle of limbs in the middle of the floor. 
It was comforting, though, in a way Steve hadn’t realized he desperately needed. It had been years since he’d felt anything approaching safe. Even before the Upside-Down craziness started, when he was afraid there was rarely anyone around to turn to about it. Whether it was because he was actually alone, or just for fear of being mocked. Steve kept to himself, and he hadn’t allowed himself to think about whether or not he wanted things to be that way.
Now, surrounded by warmth and pressure, and the sheer certainty that he wasn’t alone, he found he never wanted it any other way again.
Eddie yawned, catching Steve’s attention. Christ, even his yawns were loud and dramatic.
“Not usually. Not any more than I think about birds or dogs or whatever. Just sometimes, when shit gets really wild like this, it makes me wonder, ya know?”
“Almost getting killed by interdimensional monsters makes you wonder if ants have feelings?” Steve tugged at the loose fibers at the bottom of Eddie’s jeans.
He sighed, then groaned, then sighed again, “Not-- there was a process. I was thinking about everything going on, and then I started to wonder what we even look like to those things. Do they know what people are? Made me think about us just being formless blobs, but that didn’t feel right so I pictured ants instead. Cause nobody ever really thinks about ants when they kill them, which is kind of fucked up, when you’re imagining yourself as an ant, you know? Then I started thinking about if an ant would really think that? Like do they care? Do they have feelings? Is killing them worse if they do, or sadder if they don’t?”
“Oh my God,” Tommy whispered, and for a moment Steve was surprised to hear him sound concerned before, “Do you always think that much, holy shit dude.”
Eddie lifted one of his feet off of Steve to smack at Tommy lightly with it, “Do you always get so surprised by the human capacity for thought and introspection? I know you’ve probably never done it, but it’s pretty normal.”
“Nothing about that was normal.” Billy replied, snagging the ass end of their shared cigarette from the corner of Eddie’s mouth where it had burnt down during his little rant.
Eddie arched his back to look up at Billy, though it had the unfortunate side effect of digging his heel into Steve’s stomach. Steve groaned, lifting his foot before it could dig into his scarring, consequently not immediately noticing the stares aimed his way.
“What?” Steve glanced from Billy to Eddie to Tommy and back again.
“What do you mean what?” Billy glared, his cheeks dyed pink again.
“Ah, Steve Whorington makes his mighty return.” Tommy grinned maliciously.
“Not for nothing, but he’s right, that was about the sluttiest sound I’ve heard outside of an actual porno.” Eddie’s voice sounded the same as it usually did but his face was as flushed as Billy’s.
“That was a pain noise!” Steve objected, feeling his own face go hot, “Your foot was in my large intestine!” 
Eddie bit both of his lips and pulled them into his mouth, trying so hard not to say something that Steve could feel him vibrate with the urge.
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything!” Eddie chirped, a grin cutting across his face.
“Sounded like his dick was in your large intestine.” Tommy said instead, foolishly for how close he was sitting to Steve.
Steve smacked him, harder than he probably would have usually for the cavalcade of images that had now flooded his brain. 
“Ow!” Tommy whined, “What, hit too close to home, Stevie?”
Steve knew that if he looked over at Tommy, he’d be giving him that look. The one where he made his eyes look as big as possible since he knew how easily that got Steve, the one where he looked like he couldn’t possibly do a thing wrong. It was one of Steve’s favorite and least favorite expressions on him all at once. He was evil.
“You’re an asshole.” Steve glared. 
“That wasn’t a no.” Billy pointed out, helpfully, “You into Munson?”
Steve suddenly wished fervently for another earthquake to open up a crack directly beneath him.
Eddie for his part hadn’t said a word, he was just watching Steve the same way he’d watched Tommy earlier. Those big, dark eyes of his made Steve feel like he was falling upward into the night sky. Like he was weightless even while being crushed, like he could float there forever even if he didn’t survive the experience. 
“I’ve got eyes, don’t I?” Steve tossed an arm over his eyes, half to hide the blush burning across his cheeks and half to hide from Eddie’s stare. 
The softest gasp met his ears, making nausea crest in his stomach. Goddamn it, of all the ways to drop this…
“He is kind of cute, I guess, under all the layers of weirdo.” Tommy said appraisingly, snapping the room’s attention to him next, “Oh, were we just supposed to keep trying to act like everyone in this room hasn’t thought about screwing everyone else?”
“I--” Billy started.
“Oh no, don’t you even try to bullshit me, Hargrove. I might be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.” Tommy kept on, “I know you have a thing for Steve, and you’ve been acting the same way with Munson all day.” 
Billy scoffed, “Acting like what? I haven’t been acting like anything.”
Tommy only raised his eyebrows at him.
“I haven’t!”
“We could test it.” Eddie shrugged, “Tommy’s little hypothesis.”
“Test it?” Billy squinted, “How?”
Steve was sure he already knew where this was going, but he found the idea of stopping it for once was the least appealing option. Sometimes he was drawn to the fire just as much as the rest of them, sue him.
“I could kiss you.” Eddie’s voice was calm, soft, and filled to the brim with something fragile, like hope but thinner. 
Billy tensed up, “The hell makes you think I’d want that?”
Eddie’s expression changed on a dime, irritation rolling in like a storm cloud. 
“For fucks sake, Hargrove, ain’t nobody here for you to posture up to.” Eddie twanged the way he did when he was too annoyed to hold it in, “Not like we’re gonna tell anybody about all this. Right guys?”
Eddie fixed his intense stare on both Steve and Tommy.
“Why in the fuck would I tell anyone about this?” Tommy scoffed, “Hello, conservative parents and Christian college football scholarship?”
“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want anyone to know.” Steve shrugged, “I mean, we’re probably all gonna die tomorrow anyway.” 
“No we ain’t.”
“Fat fucking chance.”
“I’m not dying at twenty-one, I didn’t quit railing coke on the weekends just to die young anyway.”
“Okay, alright sure. We’re not gonna die tomorrow.” Steve conceded, “That means we’ll have that ‘fought and almost died together’ brotherhood thingy Grandpa talked about with his war buddies. That’s gotta mean we can kiss without making it weird or whatever.”
“He makes a sound case.” Eddie said, thoughtfully stroking his chin, “What say you, Sir Hargrove?”
“That’s worse than ‘Sunshine.” Billy muttered, his deep blue eyes finally falling on them, on Steve in particular much to his heart’s detriment, “I think they should do it first.”
“Who’s they, Sunshine? Me and one of those two or those two and…those two?”
“Those two.”
“Ah, want me all to yourself, do ya~?” Eddie grinned.
“I-- shut up, Munson.” Billy squeezed his eyes shut, almost as though praying for patience.
“Why don’tcha make me, baby boy~?”
Steve could see the exact moment Billy’s patience ran out. And in all honesty he didn’t blame him, if anything he was surprised he’d survived this long. Eddie could be annoying when he didn’t actively want something, but with an agenda? He could be just as relentless as Nancy if he felt like it.
The blonde moved much faster than a regular human could have, fast enough that Steve lost track of his arms for a moment. He hauled Eddie up his body-avoiding knocking his feet against Steve’s crotch by the grace of God-like he weighed exactly nothing, before crushing their lips together.
Steve watched for a moment before glancing away to give them at least the illusion of privacy. 
Unfortunately looking away meant meeting Tommy’s eyes, Tommy who was giving him that look.
“Want some of what they’re having?” And if Steve hadn’t been trapped in the gaps between his eyelashes, he might have laughed at the lame line, “Been a while.”
It had been. Years, in fact, since he’d kissed Tommy. Before either of them had gotten girlfriends they used to “practice” on one another, for hours. If Steve was honest, he had loved passing the time that way.
“What about Carol?” Steve asked, only just now remembering his former best friend’s long time girlfriend. 
His eyes tightened around the edges, mouth drawing into a thin line, “We broke up last June. She went off to France to study, and I went to Indiana State.” 
Steve winced in sympathy, “Know how that feels. Me and Nance… we didn’t make it long.”
Tommy nodded, “Yeah, saw the ass end of that. Looked rough.”
“Was.” Steve nodded, watching the way the words formed on Tommy’s lips, “Took a while but I got over it.”
“Have any help with that?” He glanced over at Eddie and Billy where the former was currently kissing the latter half way into the ground.
“A little.” Steve smiled, remembering how goddamn flabbergasted he was to find being around Billy Hargrove of all people made him feel… calmer. And then Eddie had strolled in and lit up his world like he’d been born with an instruction manual just for that.
“You’re not jealous?” Tommy tilted his head towards him, “I’m kinda jealous.”
“Not really?” Steve’s eyes traced up Eddie’s jaw and over to Billy’s, “I probably should be. But it’s-- this makes sense to me? The other way around never really did, I guess. Why have one person when you could all have more?”
Billy’s hand slid into Eddie’s hair and pulled, causing the other metalhead to pull away with a whine that made Steve’s stomach swoop with arousal.
“I like more.”
“More.” Tommy echoed, his tone catching Steve’s attention again, “I’ve always been a greedy bastard.”
The next thing he knew Tommy’s lips were finding his. 
Kissing Tommy was familiar, like coming back to a childhood home after years of having lived on his own. His hands went right where Steve knew they would, and his own followed suit. The rhythm they found was the same they’d decided on years ago, and the comfort of the routine soothed Steve bone deep. 
It had been months since he’d kissed someone, fuck he’d missed it.
More than that though, he’d needed the emotional bit, he thought. He’d been running at a dead sprint, ignoring every single thing that could hurt him or slow him down for years now. He hadn’t known where the hell to break down at, even if he’d wanted to. Who could he lean on who wasn’t already carrying the sky along with him? 
The familiarity and the softness broke him apart with such care he didn’t even realize he was crying until Tommy pulled back. 
“That bad?” He teased softly, an echo of what he’d said the first time they’d kissed.
Steve laughed, wet and a little hysterical, “Not you. Just. Fuck, I needed that.”
Tommy surprised him yet again by pulling him into a hug. 
“You haven’t freaked out this whole time, duh you needed something to wake your ass up.” Tommy murmured, “Experience or not, this is some crazy shit. You haven’t even batted a fuckin’ eye Steve. I’ve seen you get upset about cubed cheese.” 
“It’s just better that way.” Steve muttered, “Slices are harder to make even.”
“Fuckin’ weirdo.” The affection in his tone kept the insult light, stingless, “But seriously, when was the last time you let yourself lose it?”
“Uh…” There was no way to lie around this one that wouldn’t get him caught, Tommy knew all of his tells, god he was just as bad as Robin about calling him out on his bullshit, why had he missed him?
“That alone is a good enough answer.” Tommy’s hand rested against the back of Steve’s neck, beginning to kneed at the muscles there, “This shirt is a lost cause, don’t let its death be in vain, feel free to cry all over it.”
Maybe it was the absurdity of it all, maybe it was the still swelling emotions in his chest, or maybe it was the relief of having someone offer him a safe place to drop his worries and responsibilities for a moment. Hell, maybe it was all of them.
But Steve tucked himself up against Tommy’s neck and shoulder and let himself cry. 
He’d never been a loud crier, preferred people not to notice he was doing it at all if he couldn’t stop himself. The only sound he made were the occasional sniff or hitched breath. 
Once the tears had stopped coming and his mind was stuffed full of numb-tingly cotton, Steve had adjusted so he wasn’t laying so awkwardly with Tommy. He noticed Billy in a position not too different from his own, his cheeks similarly damp. 
Like Tommy, Eddie was rubbing his back, stroking through his hair almost absently. As if giving affection the way he did was just second nature and not a goddamn miracle to people like Steve, people like Billy.
“If we do die tomorrow,” Billy’s voice wound quietly between the four of them, “Glad this happened first.”
"Me too." Tommy agreed, turning his head Billy's way, "Oh and Hargrove?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't ever fucking lie to me again."
Tagging: @thelemonbandit @ihni @love-kurdt @thediktatortot @ghostlyjax
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itmightrain · 6 months
Text
"Hodgkin's Lymphoma was one of the first cancers that was shown to be really responsive to both chemotherapy and radiation, so even though chemotherapy sucks, I knew we were going to do that. [...] I was 100% on board with chemo, and it's definitely extended my life, it's probably saved my life and I'll die of some other thing.
And three of the four chemo drugs that I was on are natural. They're from nature. Vinblastine comes from the Madagascar Periwinkle. It's just in a cute little flower, it was known to the indigenous people of Madagascar, scientists checked it out and found that it had a bunch of anti-cancer properties. Another one, Adriamycin, also called Doxorubicin, was found in microbes in the soil at the base of an Italian castle. The third, Bleomycin, was also found in a soil microbe called Streptomyces Verticillus. [...] Streptomyces Verticillus was never used in traditional medicine as far as we know, but all three of these molecules are both natural compounds and very effective chemotherapies for Hodgkin's Lymphoma (and some of them for other things).
And they've been tested, not just to see if they're effective, but to see:
What doses are most effective
Which cancers they're most effective against
How dangerous they are
What side effects are most common
How they effect women vs men
How they effect people based on their age
Their efficacy at different stages of cancer
How long you can safely take them
Which side effects are most serious and how to minimize those complications, both in the short-term and the long-term [...]
Cancers are not chill! Treatments have to be high impact because these are high impact and sneaky diseases. And so it's kind of amazing that we're in this point in history where a lot of these medicines have been tested in a lot of different ways to see what their best dosing schedule is, to see how little you can take without increasing the chances that the cancer will come back, to know how to be prepared for potential side effects. This is the slow, careful, tedious work of medical research, and it made the cancer treatment that I have just been through way less awful than it would've been just ten years ago.
During the time when I was publicly living with cancer and talking about cancer treatment, I received almost universally good vibes. Like I just want to be clear about that, people were amazing. But I did get some folks who would come to me and say that I would have a better outcome and be healthier if I took a more natural route, by which they meant that I should not be doing chemotherapy. [...]
The question becomes: if most of my cancer treatments came from nature, what do they mean when they say that I should be doing more natural treatments?
I gotta be clear here too, when it comes to like Epsom salt baths and acupuncture during chemotherapy, yes I'm in favor of all of that. If you want to do it and your doctor is telling you it's not going to do any harm and you feel like it's going to do good? Do it. [...] And there are also supplements that we know don't hurt and we think might help. [...] As long as you're talking to your doctor about it and it doesn't look like there's negative consequences I say do it.
There are some things that look like they might have some positive effect, but nothing has a positive effect like actual cancer treatment. So skipping those actual cancer treatments in favor of natural treatment makes me wonder: what do you mean by "natural"?
And here it is. I'm not sugarcoating this. I don't know a nicer way to say it. When we say natural cancer treatment, what we mean is something that either we don't know it works, or we know that it doesn't work, or we know that it does more harm than good. That's the only things that we mean when we say "natural cancer treatment", because otherwise a "natural cancer treatment" would include the three compounds from nature that I put in my body to cure my cancer.
The majority of cancer cases on earth, and an even greater majority of cancer deaths on Earth, happen outside of high-income countries. Those people don't die of cancers because they don't have access to coffee enemas or cannabis oil or apricot pits. They die because they don't have access to chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and screening.
- Hank Green, Did "Natural" Cancer Treatments Save My Life?
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Note
I would like to share my perspective about Horde Prime’s dinner scene and showing colonization via food in SPOP’s final season. 
Horde Prime is further seen as evil for serving food from a planet that he colonized and destroyed, and it’s supposed to be a thoughtful and deep but subtle insight into Horde Prime as a villain who should be condemned. Catra has no problem eating this food, and I think the writers meant this to signify that she wouldn’t initially succumb to Horde Prime’s mind games like Glimmer, who starts hyperventilating in horror (You know, before Horde Prime told her that she’s not even a player in his game, but with the writers’ favoritism of character and shipping, as per usual, with Catra clawing the table and that talk about “elevated heart rate” and “dilated pupils” for Adora when she was shown on Horde Prime’s live robot feed).
It really reads to me that, like Horde Prime, Catra feels no weight of guilt from taking lives and what those lives once owned (unlike Glimmer, who actually cares about the colonization of her planet, as well as that planet that was destroyed by Horde Prime), as a fellow colonizer and destroyer. Like, it’s not because she has a better poker face than Glimmer, it’s because she literally does not care, and thus does not react to Horde Prime’s statement. 
This “sensitivity” to colonization via food is another double standard. This perspective of colonization and consequence is completely blind to Catra, despite it being highlighted via Horde Prime; I am specifically referring to when Catra joins the others in the spaceship to eat the food that Glimmer said she and Angella used to make together. Catra does not deserve to partake in anything positive pertaining to Angella’s memory: she attempted to destroy the Moonstone, colonize Bright Moon, and killed Angella. She does not deserve to eat the food that Angella used to make with Glimmer, and she does not deserve to live in Bright Moon (a disgusting implication shown in Adora’s supposed dream of the future).
That’s all for now 💞.
i never thought of this but yes, that describes catra's character perfectly. we only see her feeling mildly guilty about the way she treated adora, scorpia and entrapta. we never see her considering the weight of what she did in the horde, the lives she ruined. she never cared about the civilians and she certainly did not care about what horde prime did to them, because at their core, they were the same kind of person. controlling, apathetic and cruel.
again, we can take zuko for comparison here. zuko isn't just guilty about trying to capture aang. he is shown to be very clearly guilty about the way he harmed other innocent civilians and about what the fire nation did as a whole. even though he didn't take part in the war directly, he still takes responsibility for what the fire nation did. his confrontation with ozai says it all. he could have just been like "i'm leaving to join the avatar" but he stayed and pointed out the effects of the war and how the fire nation has brainwashed its citizens into thinking that they were doing something good.
and there's build up to this. throughout the series, zuko meets and interacts with various civilians, all with their own story of how the fire nation ruined their lives. song shows him a scar she got during an attack, jet confides in him about how his family was killed when he was little, lee (the little boy in zuko alone) is almost recruited into the army forcibly, just like his brother was. ATLA does a fantastic job of showing us how war affected everyone, not just the heroes and villains. and through this, zuko's conscience is unraveled more and more until he decides to take a stand.
meanwhile, spop has the theme of war as a pretty backdrop. they give no importance to it whatsoever and catra, who did way more damage than zuko ever did, isn't even shown to be guilty of partaking in the war. she doesn't have to answer to how she conquered salineas or how she invaded a village in s1, nothing. it really makes me wonder what the civilians in spop thought of her. is it just "oh she's she-ra's girlfriend now so i guess we can't say anything"?
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rach-amber · 3 months
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Me again!
Do you think that Rachel and Max had a spiritual connection with one another? They’re completely different as far as their personalities and outer appearances. Yet, they both have one thing in common:
Their love for Chloe.
Plus, the fact that Rachel appeared as Max’s spirit animal (the doe) somewhat shows me that they were connected to some degree. What do you think?
You always ask great questions! I must admit I'm not as well versed on Max's side of the story as Rachel's, so there definitely are people who can give a more comprehensive answer than me. But imma just try and write what comes to mind :)
For 2 people that have never met, their spiritual connection, chemistry, "fate entanglement" as I liked to call what they have are the strongest across the fandoms I've seen. When Max returned, we as players felt Rachel's presence all over Arcadia bay. In the original there was even a line to the effect of "I feel like everything in this town is connected to Rachel Amber somehow". Max was able to "see" Rachel through different people in Arcadia bay. Everyone had something to say about her, even a random trucker. It can be said that she really had an effect on the people of that town, if we put the fire aside. This town being Max's hometown adds another layer to it, it is so much different due to Rachel's existence.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
left pic from a fan made Rachel DLC | Yes, their love for Chloe is the key link that transcends through time & space, allowing them to see each other in some way.
Like the town, Max is also very different from her past self. While she didn't have such a strong presence back when she was growing up in Arcadia, Max eventually became the decider of the town's (including most of its people) fate. Whether Rachel is the root cause to Max's powers is very much a mystery and up to interpretation, just like many things in life is strange.
If we acknowledge that Rachel is the cause of the fire, there could be another parallel: this girl who tried to leave this town nearly destroyed the town; meanwhile another girl who came back actually have the power to do that, or stop it from getting destroyed. Even though both never meant to. (Not expanding on Rachel being the storm here cuz it's really not definitive & personally I think if Rachel's got powers she'd just use them on those who did her wrong, not the entire town)
Personality-wise, especially on the outside, they are almost opposites. But somehow I get the feeling that they'd really understand each other, because on the inside, they may not be that different. I've seen a Tumblr post saying Rachel using her people skills to get on people's good side is mirrored by Max using her rewind powers to fix her responses. (When you've got such an ability, of course you use them! Which is different from being manipulative, might I add.)
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Rachel with her sensitive, vulnerable side, which she guarded & masked with so much effort and painted with her smiles & godly social skills, is definitely able to understand & empathise with Max and not judge her. And Max being pretty perceptive herself, having quite an astute understanding of Rachel just from photos she found, is definitely able to see more than Rachel lets on. Both are powerful smartasses and fiercely protective of Chloe. (& both bi x)
Max sees, Rachel shows. The photographer & the muse. Built for an "electric combo", as Love is Strange says, even though they may not hit it off well at the start due to awkwardness or slight jealousy from both sides, eventually they're gonna realise that the other is beneficial for them. Max is able to ground Rachel and give her heartfelt & real advice that she needed; Rachel's able to help build Max's confidence, socialise better (back off V, she's with me), share insights about art & photography.
I'd even say Max & Rachel may complement each other more than Max and Chloe, OR Chloe and Rachel. (If there are more content on these 2, AmberPrice in my heart might be challenged. Yeah. It's scary.)
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Some say they share the same spirit animal, which is really possible (bts putting that "doe see doe" photo on Rachel's bed frame), or it could mean that as Max's spirit animal, Max sees all spirits in a doe form. Another possibility is that Rachel have the doe as her spirit animal, and everyone who can see her spirit sees the doe. Nonetheless it's incredible that Max seems to be the only person to be able to see the doe, or that Rachel chose to present herslef to only Max. Definitely a connection there. 🦌
Looking at their personalities through enneagram (Rach 4, Max likely 9) we see that they can be similar but in different ways (9 & 4 can be mistyped):
"The difference is that Nines are detached both from the external world and from their emotions (not keeping in touch w Chloe in Seattle & delay on reaching out to her?), whereas Fours withdraw from whatever has caused them pain (delaying telling Chloe about her messy relationships cuz it causes her pain? + her immediate reaction to finding James making out with another woman). Nines see the world through rose-colored glasses, and their view of it is comforting, whereas Fours see the world from a garret window as outsiders and are not comforted: everyone else seems to be living a happier, more normal life."
Thanks for the question! I've no idea I was gonna write this long. You guys can see a few of my blogs or reblogs that I've mentioned these 2 via the tag "Rachel and Max" or "Amberfield" if interested :) Feel free to reblog/ add on!
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