#it’s so embarassing like I hate it I feel so like …. socially weird when it happens

[davidjrpalos]

flinching at people when I am literally not in danger is so embarrassing like can my brain resolve that one already

#that and clenching my jaw really hard like I am not 7 anymore does my body know this bc…. #it’s so bad like no one is going to turn the corner and punch you anymore david #it’s so annoying bc tho unlearning negative thought patterns was hard it was still easier than trying to stop physically reacting like I’m #a kid again wtf!!!! #it’s so embarassing like I hate it I feel so like …. socially weird when it happens

[chibrary]

source: aarava on youtube series: f1, 2018

Aarava: What's your most embarrassing moment in your career? On-track, off-track, F1 or not.

Charles: Probably when I had to tell my mechanic at the end of my last Formula Renault race that I had peed in the seat. This was quite embarassing.

Aarava: I don't know how that conversation starts. “I've got something to tell you.” Right. So, we're in Italy so I have to ask a very important question. You know, a lot of people take a lot of solace in the answer to this question: pineapple on pizza. Yes or no?

Charles: No.

Aarava: No, okay. Marcus said yes, so I'm with you. 

Charles: Oh, no.

Aarava: He was going on about putting kebab stuff on the pizza. It was very weird, very weird. 

Charles: Probably some Swedish thing. 

Aarava: Yeah, I think it's Swedish tradition. So, social media these days in F1 is getting bigger and bigger and you're a really avid user of social media. How much does it kind of affect you on a week to week basis? Do you read much into what people say about you? Like, fans are saying about you on a race weekend or? 

Charles: I'm actually quite a bit on social media, I really like to interact with the people that are following me. Then, obviously, I think I am in quite a lucky position where people generally likes me. Hopefully it will last. Maybe some people will get angry now hearing this and start to hate me but yeah, no. I'm quite liked so I try to be as close as possible to the people that are following me.

Aarava: On that same kind of line: obviously, you're probably tired of hearing it, but on that same line, obviously, everyone keeps talking about what you gonna do in the future, you gonna, you know, have a stepping stone to Haas? When are you gonna go to Ferrari? How much does that wear you down? Like, do you get annoyed by the constant talk of it or do you kind of just blank it out? 

Charles: No, I mean, I understand that there are rumors, people want to know what's happening and obviously, when I was watching Formula One, I was also very impatient to know which drivers will move in which team. So I completely understand it. Yeah, I just hope that I will be able to let you know very soon.

Aarava: On another driver talk, you know, Ricciardo is going to Renault now, Alonso is retiring.. As a driver whose not like, I mean, you're a little bit involved, but do you read a lot into that? Like, do you take interest in what other people are doing?

Charles: Yeah, definitely. I mean, it's quite difficult to miss the news about Ricciardo going to Renault and Alonso stopping at the end of the year. But, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm checking these also.

Aarava: Any funny moment with Marcus or previous teammates in lower categories or anything like that? Like pranks or just really funny moments, stand up moments?

Charles: It's difficult. I'm normally getting on very well with my teammates. So there are a lot of funny moments, to pick one is something difficult. 

Aarava: Okay. And obviously last weekend you can't get away from it: you got in a really horrendous crash with Alonso and lucky that he came out of it, really. What was the feeling like right when it happened? Like, was it just a blur really? 

Charles: Well, I just remember trying to downshift and, and go again on track hoping that there will be no damages. But unfortunately, obviously, I expected some damages and it was not possible to continue. So, just frustration really to not continue the race. 

Aarava: Your birthday is coming up later in the year. So obviously, if it's not on a race weekend, what would you usually do to celebrate your birthday? Like any kind of activities or a favorite meal or a favorite drink even to have on a night out? 

Charles: I'm quite boring, to be honest with nights out and parties and things like this. But honestly, I am, yeah, probably a bit of time with the family and friends and that's it basically. 

Aarava: Ok. Fair enough. It's a nice quiet night in. Maybe that Netflix question was quite on point.

Charles: Yeah, exactly. That, what I was going to say, probably it's on Netflix also.

Aarava: All you drivers post some really nice holiday photos over summer break. So, is there any place in the world where you haven't been yet where you want to go on holiday? 

Charles: I really like traveling. I really like the sun and the sea. So, probably all the parts of the world where I haven't gone where there are nice beaches. I will, I will try to go. 

Aarava: So, obviously we talked about your social media interaction, stuff like that and we talk about your fans as well. I think a lot of people wanna wonder, like, do you generally, like, actually look through your phone and like, actually see these tweets all the time and like, are you generally the one that's always kind of, you know, liking or responding like that because I know a lot of drivers might use management?

Charles: Yeah, I mean, I've had some propositions of people wanting to help me out with it, but I've never, and I will never, never want someone else to manage it. I mean, maybe someone could do it better but I prefer it to be a bit worse with myself doing it than somebody else. So it stays true and that it reflects myself more than the person that is writing a tweet for me.

#series:f1 #format:interview #format:video #year:2018 #charles leclerc

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞older brother skz finding you with a guy

✰ pairings : older brother ot8!skz x sibling! fem reader

✰ warnings : mentions of sex ed ( pretty short although), indirect mentions of violence, implied angst as well, cursing, reader's bf is an asshole, mentions of break up, mentions of cheating as well

✰ synopsis : your older brother finds you with a guy and well there could be various outcomes

✰ word count : 1.4k+ words

౨₊ৎ chan

i feel like chan would be the chill bro

like he loves you, he does but he doesn't want to seem as those cliché annoying brothers so he'll act normal

BUT if the guy ever makes you cry, chan's on his way to the guy's house along with his members

chan would absolutely hate it when you cry because of a guy

he'll not give you space thinking you need a shoulder to cry on and would lay beside you and distract you by playing video games or simply talking to each other

he would find himself getting a bit sad when you're on the phone texting someone but would try to brush it off

everytime a guy even looks at you in a weird way he would glare at them

he even created a whole powerpoint with points and body language of guys. basically mentioning each and every single detail to keep you away from those toxic guys

being the eldest kid, he felt like he has responsibility to look after the younger ones

and he does that everytime. without failure.

౨₊ৎ minho

the moment he sees you with a guy outside the convenient store he would literally have to double take a look

his sister, HIS younger sister with a GUY ???

oh he is so going to tease the hell out of you

he would click a good amount of pictures and smirk like a devil

later on he would confront you about it and blackmail you saying he'll tell it to mom

would make you do every single work assigned to him

and the moment you hesitate he is almost about to fake call mom

would make kissing noises and hand gestures each time you're about to go on a date or facetiming the guy

but when he sees that you unhappy, he's going to have a little chat with the guy

let's say that it did not end well at all

would realize his mistake and mumble sorry everytime he sees you

would do anything to make you forgive him

though his ways were a bit more violent, he knew that the guy anyway didn't deserve you

and that minho is always right with his instincts

౨₊ৎ changbin

the type of brother to literally interrogate the guy

would ask the guy if he works out and if he says no, changbin would throw you a disappointed look telling you could do better

would scold you both and explain about sex education, embarassing the hell out of you

he loves it sm although !

but at the same time he can't help but think of how fast you grew up

would also help you with your outfits

he has the guy warned to drop you home safely and before 9 !!

if the guy ever hurts you, don't worry. changbin has your back

he's also the brother who would feel a bit awkward on how to approach you so he would just quietly sit by your side, watching your favorite movies with you

i swear the moment he sees you laugh it's like he can breathe normally now

he promised himself to never let you cry over a guy again !! must protect

౨₊ৎ hyunjin

the type of brother who would judge the guy and his choice of fashion

would fake gag loudly whenever he sees you blushing and would roll his eyes the moment he sees the guy's face

"please don’t tell me that frog is my future brother in-law"

would constantly spy on you both to figure out what you were both upto

the moment you two break up he would hit you with that "i told you" but when he realizes you don't even react, he would literally let you cry in his arms

would send you a sad playlist to help you let it all out

would sneakily take your phone, get the guy's number and would block him on all socials before sending an annonymous text to the guy

would make goofy faces while dancing just to make you laugh

would let you do his skincare for a month if it means he gets to see you move on from that asshole

౨₊ৎ han

the brother who's jealous that he's still single

would glare whenever you both show pda in front of him

so damn annoyed (x 100)

but at the same time he'll keep an eye on the two of you, especially the guy

the moment you two break up he's gonna be so relieved but ! the realization would hit him and he would walk up to your room and talk to you for hours, helping you get it all out

out of rage he would even write a few diss tracks for the guy and make you listen to it

the moment you start vibing or screaming out the lyrics he would feel like he won in life

the other members know about and would let him pull a taylor swift knowing very well that the guy deserves it

han would probably even post the song online and would anonymously troll the guy

what's a revenge without some fun?

౨₊ৎ felix

brother? no! he's your 4lifer

knows every single gossip of your college and your friends

so it's no surprise that he was the first person that go to know you were dating someone

will most likely start thirdwheeling on your dates

he would even invite the guy over to watch a match

and the moment you break out the news that you both broke up he's literally gonna be even sadder than you

would sigh out loud on purpose and hug you tightly mumbling that he was good company

but the moment you tell him it was the guy's fault, felix would switch up real quick

would throw insults and say speeches on how the guy was a dumbhead and all

jokes apart, he would actually feel guilty for mentioning the guy in front of you and would apologize to you and swears that he'll be careful from now

who needs guys when you have brothers like him?

౨₊ৎ seungmin

he IS the bully

would laugh mockingly at you both and make memes saying how he finds couples cringey

would literally yell out embarrassing things about you to the guy

would even show your baby pictures and snicker

there is no way in hell that he could get a better opportunity of revenge !!

but honestly he's gonna share the gossip that you're dating with the other members just so they can't keep flirting with you

he has grown kinda annoyed

he still can't digest the fact that people find his sister pretty

although, he thinks you are but he loves irritating the hell out of you

being seungmin's sister, he shouldn't expect any less from you

you would fake cry making him panic because if mom finds out it's over !!

and when you cry for a guy, that guy is over

seungmin is very protective when you get sad because of someone else

he would frown and his arms would find your sides, bringing you in his embrace since he knows how much you love his hugs

you're like his little star and he would absolutely feel his heart shatter seeing you sad

౨₊ৎ jeongin

the type of brother who would hate it when you started dating his best friend

would roll his eyes when you take his best friend/ your boyfriend away from him

it was irritating the heck out of him

how dare YOU date HIS friend?

but later on he kind of got used to it

and when the two of you break up it's like time stops for jeongin

not only did you lose your boyfriend, but jeongin lost his best friend in a way too

hurting jeongin's sister was a bad bad move

and poor jeongin felt helpless seeing you looks so miserable for a cheater like that guy

he would take you out to arcades or take you boxing because it's his way of taking his anger out and maybe it might help you as well?

little tmi, it actually did

you could feel yourself healing and getting over that guy and jeongin could feel his sister's crazy antics returnings

so suddenly he felt like he regretted it when you barge in his room wiggle your eyebrows for no reason

he's no less either. he would run behind you like a monkey and tackle you to the ground before tickling you hard

it's weird, how in many ways the annoying part of jeongin shows just how caring he is

hey anon hope you liked this >< i changed the ending to angst although because i love angst (guilty) 🙏🙏

#ॱଳ͘ #stray kids x reader #skz fluff #scenarios #skz scenarios #skz x reader #bang chan #minho #han #jeongin #hyunjin #changbin #seungmin #felix

[whence-the-woody]

Not willing to rewatch coz s1 I'm not a huge fan of and s2 is too much emotion for me rn but trying to remember Colin's character through the show. Coz in this season he's definitely all over the place.

Like in s1 I guess you could characterise him as a bit hopeless romantic, quick to fall in love, impulsive, kinda goofy. Definitely a younger brother. You could say easily embarrassed then but honestly the way he acted was hella fucking embarrassing, I'd hide too. Could be a sweet son. Not a bad friend but incredibly oblivious. Held grudges for sure.

Then s2 he was undebatably INSUFFERABLE after his travels. Pretentious and annoying. Not understanding of boundaries or able to let things go (the Maria visits). An experimental drug dude, which yknow good for him. Still v little bro energy, mocking his brothers all the time. Not alot of empathy. Very privileged - I mean they all are but compared to Anthony's level of responsibility he clearly had none. Showed some positive protective instincts, helping out the featheringtons. So in some ways shown to be a better friend but in others WAY worse - talking shit on Pen: unforgivable. So still easily embarrassed. Kind of a little shit but not particularly funny I wouldn't say? That's bendict. Not very opinionated, that's Eloise. Francesca has passion he didn't. Idk just kinda nothing in terms of ways to describe him.

Then s3. Oh boy. Suddenly after yet more travels hes a chronic flirt - no hate just a weird 180. Discovered the joys of group sex at some point - again no hate but tells me nothing about who he is. He doesnt seem to be looking for marriage? Doesnt mention any goals or interests? He says he doesnt care what others think of him but that majorly contradicts everything that came before. Then he says hes been trying to be what society wants - so contradiction again. He considers himself a flirting expert out of nowhere? Okay dude. In a desperate attempt to make them compatible hes suddenly also a gossip? Sure. Also suddenly has a study and is a writer?? Other than writing letter to Pen, where the hell did that come from? Just everyone getting completely sick of hearing his stories? y'all had 2 previous seasons to make them seem compatible, why throw this stuff in now? He's not a romantic, doesnt seem to understand why Pen wants marriage - even though was so quick to get engaged two years ago. He still doesnt have a lot of empathy really. Still easily embarassed. Not much showing him to be a good brother. Still a pretty sweet son and obviously idealised his parents relationship, that's something. Absolutely impulsive - interrupting that dance, good god sir. You could argue he was jealous in s1 so that checks out. The romantic dialogue really paled in comparison to previous seasons but maybe that is in character?

But still I try to think of his personality and Im kinda like ??

Smug. Jealous. Pretty unserious. Privledged. Sometimes protective. A newfound gossip and writer. Self conscious most of the time but other times completely oblivious to peoples social cues. Impulsive for sure. A sweet son. Meh brother. No friends, goals or talents.

I just feel like Daphne and Anthony, by this point in their seasons, were really fleshed out characters and personalities. You knew who they were, their motivations, their histories, their huberis. Its been 3 years and I still feel like we dont know Colin. Maybe because the focus is on Pen? But even then I dont know if they've hugely expanded on her character thus far.

I guess I wonder that for the people who are huge fans of Colin - why? Who do you think he is? What is his character? Do you think its consistent? Does the inconsistency make sense to you somehow? I cant be invested in this dude when I still dont know who he is (also when the actor is okay at best lbr)

#bridgerton #polin #unpopular opinion? #probably

[meatsex]

I’d like to hear the reasons why you don’t want to post art ever again. I’m just curious, and I respect your decision not to.

im still kinda asleep so im gonna try to make this legible and also not too personal although it is tied to my art so i guess by default it is

tl;dr im embarassed and i think everyone looks at me weird so i kinda want to disappear some times

i cant avoid feeling like everyone thinks of me as weird because i make so much art of this one guy and 50% of that is because i can make art really fast so i can do a lot of it but then i also probably look crazy because i really do so much art but i can only pull off the "well i have autism" card so many times before it loses all meaning and also its not something i actually want to talk about

i try not too think about this too much cuz if it were true then i probably wouldnt have the amount of numbers i have in social media and i wouldnt have people sending me requests/ideas or people making art for me and i feel like im ungrateful that despite all of these things i still feel like im an outsider or that everyone secretly hates me but i kinda cant avoid it because im someone that inherently feels like a weirdo half of the time and then ill just say it again my first weeks in the vs community kinda sucked ass n all of my close people have always reassured me that these people were overreacting but

and then when i make personal art its like this cringefest gore nudity shit and thats been my thing for like 6 years now but i feel like it doesnt make me look any better even though i dont mix the two things

i really do all of the art i do out of appreciation, i know my way of showing it isnt drawing in a cute style that makes everything look beautiful or super happy but thats just not how i work and it kinda makes me feel like i dont belong or that im just looked at weirdly and its kinda hard not to say "i dont want to post ever again" because its the only thing ive been drawing

like i made a zine of all my art and posted it and so many ppl liked it but i was this close to ultimately not posting it because looking at it from afar i kept thinking "oh wow i look insane and i think everyone is going to think so too" so yeah im just constantly feeling paranoid over something at the end of the day i guess i cant control or whatever

i try not to fall into whatever concept people currently have of parasocialism cuz like i said some days i dont care about my art being acknowledged by the guy and most of it i do as fanart of him as a singer which is why it ends up looking kinda edgy but again how do others perceive meeeee lol lmao

alternatively you might not even be a vs fan so this means nothing to you in that case sorry anon if you actually read through all of this

#long post #no one gaf i should have written how i felt last night because now everything feels cloudy #im gonna post this before i keep adding onto it and if i need to ill just make a whole new post sorry

[sunset-bridge]

Hey😎

What is Sergio’s opinion on all the phantom thieves and.. idk what is his favourite food!

hi snowball-maltese ur nooooot gonna believe me but i literally never fucking saw your asks??? LIKE.. theres other asks in my inbox and i remember those but i never saw yours??? WTFF. they spontaneously generated today in between the other old asks im keeping...

tumblr.................. why did you eat these then vomit them back out today : ( sad

HEHEH ANYWAYS hi.. oh my godddd. um. well now im ashamed of answering HJDFJND BUT OK under the cute cut

Sergio favourite food: potato tacos

Sergio opinions on the Phantom thieves:

Mona : He thinks hes cute because he looks like a cute cat and sergio likes cute things and cats. Thinks he is charming. Tries to treat him like any other person despite how adorabubble he is. He starts thinking of him as his big brother naturally later on, he really trusts him and tells him things he doesnt tell anyone else, asks him for advice on his problems and thoughts and yeah really values his opinions.

Ann: He figured she was a Loud girl at first without even talking to her, he doesnt have a neutral opinion on women in general tbh so bad start, but as soon as they became friends and he heard her talk about what happened and how angry and frustrated she was he was like.. woaghhhh. no way.

Sergio has historically never been good at talking/making friends with girls or has had much of an interest in doing so, he mostly avoided them, so idk it seems stupid but he was like... woag. At first Sergio in his mind is like. WELL ANN is cool because SHES NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS nope shes COOL AND REAL unlike the Other GIRLS (sergio turn around) BSDDVJBJFVJ. dont worry he figures it out later.

Anywho he thinks shes awesome and so nice to him and he admires how dedicated she is and how she tries to be upbeat but does worry about her and encourages her to break things if angry. Goes on her shopping trips even if he actually hates shopping because he loves Ann. Is encouraging about the things Ann wants to do but still tells her when theyre a bit silly (like in her social link where she sets impossible things to do hahah). Likes talking about more emotional things with her because he feels embarassed to talk about those things with the Boys (sergio turn around again)

Ryuji: Thought he was a bit strange, annoying at first. Just barging in and making him get involved in weird shit. But like with Ann he starts talking to him and they become buddies because they encourage their silly activities. He feels angry for ryuji and what happened to him; he thinks he should kill everyone in the track team actually/j .

Likes spending time with him, he appreciates that ryuji seems to understand him and likes to have fun with him running and excercising and playing videogames etcc. Bro bonding. They do mischievious activities together.

hes so fun to be around and sergio loves how hes such a kind person despite everything : ). They make stupid jokes together. Ryuji stops sergio from killing people sometimes. See, Sergio is like a Bro Character but hes the leader and also he has poor impulse control and is very angry.

Yusuke: He adores Yusuke he thinks hes so talented and everything he does is literally a masterpiece (hes right)

At first yusuke came off as a bit strange and aloof, but sergio was an instant fan as soon as he saw his work LOL. Yusuke appreciates the support. Sergio really admires and respects yusuke, even when he does “weird” things its like. Well its yusuke so. Yusuke = cool, then thing = cool as well right ??!!! normal

Lets Yusuke hug him even if he doesnt like hugs .

Makoto: Sergio thinks at first shes uptight, too serious, no fun, a snitch. I guess hes not wrong per se but ..

He was sooo mean to her at first when makoto hadnt joined the thieves and was spying them LOL. He did feel very sorry later and begrudgingly apologized along with ann and ryuj.

Nowadays he thinks mako is pretty cool, super smart and super strong. he still thinks she should let loose more, have more fun. He recognizes how hard she had it before joining. She appreciates how cunning she is. He had a playfight with her but sergio fights like a rabid animal and mako actually knows aikido . Im not sure if it continued but their fighting styles and what they look for in a fight are so different it didnt work out too well : ( sad. its ok.

Fuba: Fuba is like Sergios little sis : ). He wasnt sure if they should do something at first when the situation came up but he realized fuba was acting kinda like him before, isolating and being angry and sad etc... felt fucked up to not do something or try to help but he didnt want to be super pushy about it because he knew how he felt and how he didnt appreciate anyone who tried to drag him around even if they had good intentions. But yeah his friends made him realize how they ahd kinda pulled him out of a hole too at the beginning and he figured everyone could use a chance like that..

He really cares for her and tries to spend a lot of time with her, play anything she wants and watch her funny animes etc. He absolutely plays along with every game; he has a lot of fun too hes so silly as well. They bully eachother lovingly hehe. Hes willing to accompany her everywhere but i guess he realizes he wont be there for her forever so tries to gently push her a bit to be more independent.

Sees something about himself in her, although different. He tries to be someone that Younger Sergio would have appreciated in his life.

Haru: Sergio respects her a lot and thinks shes super kind perhaps too much.

He tries acting more serious or polite etc at first with her but haru ofc notices and is like. sergio its ok you can be yourself : ).

He still doesnt really act with her like he does with the others because idk theres this enormous barrier of respect that it seems unprope to act like that with her.. She IS sergios friend he just finds it super hard to be casual with her completely.

They like gardening together and showing eachother their plant children so thats something where they can be ever so slightly more relaxed in. I wonder if haru feels sad that sergio doesnt dare act casual or be himself in front of her like the others : ( He super appreciates whenever haru gifts him something unprompted etc.

Sumi: Sergio doesnt know sumi that well. He just thinks shes a cool , super kind girl whos very talented , polite. He always treated her really nicely. I think he enjoys the tyoe of respect he gets from Sumi even if its embarassing sometimes hahah since he feels she gets a different perspective of him ahah. He starts acting more casual in 3rd sem etc but theres also a barrier of respect here like with haru. Its more like.. welll sumi .. she thinks im cool and responsible i.. must fulfill that...

Goro: Well .. we already know LOL right sunset-bridgers?

He is someone so fucking cool in sergios eyes. He considers him his worthy rival and admires him a lot ; hes just so damn cool, talented, smart , strong.. it kinda feels like he always knows whats he doing and even if he makes a mistake sergio finds it charming.

He used to feel envious and jealous of him for having thigs he didnt and apparently being much more succesful in general. But ofc things happen.. he realizes things werent as simple as they seemed and how goro felt quite similar to him.

He really appreciates how they seem to see things similarly. have a similar world view so they can understand eachother easily and talk soo sososo much. Like.. wow hell yeah this guy gets what im saying yeah finally. guy who can keep up with me in snarky convos. Guy who likes to play the same silly challenges as me. Guy who fights with me and is strong as hell so we are matched. In goro he finds someone who likes him to his core; sees right thru his disguise and is interested in spending time with real Sergio. He takes him seriously. No one takes sergio so seriously or seems to give such weight to his words....

He feels very free with him.

#WAH #sergio lore #ask #snowball-maltese

[casasupernovas]

Hi

Say if Joan said yes to travelling with the doctor, but Martha didn’t like the idea and gave the doctor an ultimatum who do you think he would choose? Like I want to ship Ten/Martha, but the whole Joan thing is kinda stopping me. Sorry if this is a weird question - I just wanted to see someone else’s thought’s on the matter.

I think he would ultimately choose Martha. Because I'm sure Martha's ultimatum would entail more about her understanding that he's trying to get Joan out of guilt, but ulimately not wanting to be around someone who is racially prejudiced. Martha has already been in a backwards time for too long, we don't want to bring it with them, especially as it wouldn't just affect Martha but the Doctor too. Race is a problem from what we know but she'd definitely start othering the Doctor. I do really think he asks for Joan out of guilt.

Additionally the awareness that Joan could very well become socially aware is a thing but ultimately, that is not Martha's responsibility, and if the Doctor wishes it to be his, then Martha is within her right not to be a part of it. Also I truly believe that the Doctor would regret his decision to travel with her. Firstly, I do not believe Joan has the aptitude to be a companion. She'd probably die on their first adventure. Also Joan is incredibly bland, I think the Doctor would get bored easily.

I think the Doctor offered her a trip because he assumed she'd be more impressed with him instead of the fake. Joan never seemed too impressed with the Doctor from the story to begin with though. Interested but not that interested. And I think he'd get a kick out of showing a woman from 1913 the universe. I also think Joan was probably embarassed to fall in love with a story than a real person.

But ultimately I think he would choose Martha. I think when he talks to Joan, again I think it's out of guilt. When he speaks to Martha outside, she clearly knew what he was trying to do. Remember when John asked Martha why she didn't stop him and Joan falling for each other? Martha saying that wasn't on the list? The fault ultimately lies with the Doctor missing one of the most fundamental aspects of humanity. That is the alien making a massive error. So, he tries to placate it. I look at the scene both ways because as awful and manipulative as it seems, you can't help but feel sorry for the Doctor as you see how he is crashing and burning without realising. He just doesn't get it. But I think Martha does, and would tell him.

I think Martha would have laid it out in this ultimatum if he proposed to want to get Joan to accompany them out of guilt. The Doctor thinks a trip in the Tardis is an adequate thank you, it's partly how he got Martha in the first place. He's not self aware enough to understand why he'd be rejected (even at the end of the Runaway Bride, The Lazarus Experiment and ultimately the end of the series). But Martha. I think the core of Martha's ultimatum would also be that she is here for him.

The Doctor makes many mistakes this two parter, some out of ignorance, some under duress. In the show, when Martha offers to speak to Joan, I think she wantes to try and convince her not to travel with them exactly, but to not to think too harshly of the Doctor. As Joan and John came at her, all Martha did was defend the Doctor. Martha Jones understands him better than most companions in my opinion. I'd think she would want to come at the angle of two humans regarding the Doctor. I don't think she'd convince her, but I think she'd want to lower Joan's hate. And give her something to think abput regarding her society in general.

And I think this consideration, and understanding from Martha telling the Doctor that she would try to help ease his guilt, just not at the cost of her own sanity. And the Doctor would choose her.

#doctor who #martha jones #tenth doctor #10th doctor #joan redfern #human nature #the family of blood #tenmartha

[noelashe]

i hate taht technically i think everything about me leaks outg anyway even if i try nd keep it on the down low its just gomnna come out but some stuff is just so full of context that it doesnt and im thankful for that atleast but its especilly embarassing when its during a period where im convinced im something im not its hard to explain. but i hate when i can fele it become perceptible that there's something off about me and i csn feel people notice even if they dont. Ok this sounds largely insane but yea. im trying actively not to care as much abt my perception and it is working somewhat but ykw its still embarassing when i am slightly delusional abt something and then i say something weird and then its out pretty much and itslike ughhhh i KNOW im delusional but i cant like just stop thinking all that just for the period i socialize you know

[vxvidlandmine]

I have been having a weird couple of days.

I passed both of the exams of this semester, which leaves me with a whole month to catch up with stuff I already studied.

In the middle of December I decided to connect more with people I know. I have been going out with a friend of mine in the last few weeks. Every two or three days we went for walks since we live close to some wheat fields. We also went to the supermarket twice and it was the most fun I have had in a while. I knew she was a fun person to be around but after coming home I have found myself wanting to go out more and more every time. Now that the new semester hasn't started yet, I want to spend a lot of time with her, which is problem.

I have a weird love-hate relationship with this girl. We have known each other since we were children, but we got somewhat close at 13-14. I fell for her really hard. She was cute and gave me attention, and I was lonely. Every evening we would hop on Skype and just talk until one of us was too tired to stay awake. In high we were in the same class, and whenever I was too exhausted to listen to the teacher I'd just lie down and I'd gaze at her figure for wayy too long. A couple of times she caught me and the reaction she had made me realize that a) that might have been creepy b) she probably wasn't into me in a romantic way.

But I decided to ignore it, and study the situation just like a regular weirdo would do. I started noticing all these little cues that in retrospect are really easy to catch, but not so much when you desperately want your crush to like you back. I was just a friend to her, a close one, the one you go to when you want to share an embarassing story and laugh about it. If no one was around, we'd talk there was no problem. The moment someone else appeared, she'd just brush me off.

I noticed how she looked at other people, guys she'd have flings with in my class, and how she looked at me. With me, her eyes were serious and seemed darker than they actually were. One time I happened to glance at her right after someone told a joke. It was like her pupils were replaced by stars, and her smile was genuine. I was really sad that day, and slowly I started losing interest. Nothing much changed immediately in how I felt, but she noticed I was nervous around her and started being much less kind. It got to the point where if I looked at her for more than was socially acceptable, she'd get visibly angry and would start shouting "Stop looking at me!" and giggle like an evil witch. In my defense, I was really stupid.

We slowly stopped talking everyday, and we would go out together with our group of friends much and much less over time.

At 16 I was over her, she treated me badly and I didn't even got to confess my feelings for her. After seeing how shallow and insensitive she could get I lost every bit of "love" or infatuation left.

After high school, we went to study in the same city. With no one else from our hometown but us, we reconnected a bit. She changed, I changed, and now we get along better than we used to.

Or so I think. I'm not an idiot, I'd never make the same mistake twice. I don't have a crush on her. Yet despite all of this, I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with her. Last time we met she told me of a serious problem she's been dealing with. When I went home, in-between study sessions (and after I was done) I started coming up with way to help her. What she told me "hits close to home" as I dealt with something similar in the past, maybe that's why I'm so hung on it but again, why am i fixating on in? Why do I want to help her? She's my friend of course, and I like helping people.

Anyway. A few closing remarks.

We could hove gone out today but she said she didn't have enough time to get everything done. Another friend of mine hit me up and asked me something exams-related. Another friend of mine texted me out of the blue, although I planned on texting him after exam session ended. Yet after 5pm a void started materializing inside me and I got nothing else done. This is why I'm writing right now, I need to get this off my chest. Maybe it's because I'm turning 21 soon and whenever my birthday arrives I always realize how much I have missed on and how many more things I'll miss because im a lonely idiot.

I'll probably make another wall of texts with all the thoughts related to my birthday.

Bye bye surrogate of intimacy.

[avpdvoidspace]

Idk I feel like I have avpd but sometimes I just wonder if it’s just crippling self image issues from not being conventually attractive. Like I’m pretty good at making friends and enjoy them but then I get paranoid that they secretly hate me and think I’m annoying. I think I like being social or at least with my friends but at the same time this blog has a lot of things I heavily relate to. Ig my weird relationship with empathy where I physically cry and have visceral reactions to embarrassment where I can and will break down but I also feel so detached to it at the same time. Ig I’m just asking if it’s possible to be good at making friends and hate and love to be alone at the same time?

As for the question, I have a much easier time making friends than keeping them. The initial aquaintance stages is far easier than when you actually become friends and things start getting closer and more personal, if that makes sense. This is why I get frustrated when people think avpd=social anxiety because generally speaking, I feel okay around strangers aside from the general discomfort of being perceived/body dysmorphia. Also yeah, I have fairly low empathy but I definitely cry and have panic attacks in response to even mild embarassment. I think it's very possible for a person to have low empathy and intense emotions. I hope that helps. I know it can be tough to figure things out when you're neurodivergent but don't know exactly what's going on. Good luck, and thanks for the ask.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder

[kimtaegis]

"i jump when someone slightly touches my arm"

ME TOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭

There were so many times when I was in a crowded subway and I jumped when someone touched my back. It was so embarassing.

I hate being like this! I really wish I was more affectionate, I wish I wasn't ashamed and afraid of physical contact, but I'm so shy and weird about it. Every single time... I wonder if I'll ever be able to talk to people while looking into their eyes. If I'll ever be comfortable with hugging, touching, kissing etc. Seriously... my social phobia is the worst side of me

this is such a complex topic!! it’s okay if you don’t wanna be touchy-feely at all with anyone, but you said you wished it was different, right? that’s a lot more difficult then… you probably require a lot of trust and have to be very comfortable with the people which is super understandable and explains why you’re shy and awkward most of the time, you likely just haven’t found someone yet who makes it easy for you, and who you actually want to touch and be touched by! be patient in that regard and don’t push yourself, I feel like that could quickly turn into unpleasant experiences no matter the person or situation or kind of contact. also it’s definitely a matter of getting used to. I wish for you to have people around you who respect your space and don’t make you rush into things you don’t feel ready for 🤍

as for me, I think I’m just not used to it anymore, I’ve been touch-starved for the past 5 years and have come up with this very messed up thought that no one in the world would deliberately want to touch me lol, it’s my complete lack of (body) confidence. I’m super fine with hugs but everything else feels so foreign, it’s instant sensory overload

#anon #annie’s mail

[venusdeluxe]

Yearning for the past, uncertain about the future, but avoidant to fix any of it

It's a weird point to be at, feeling like my life is already kinda in the bin despite it not even being that long ago since I turned 21. I don't know what really led me here, just my general path in life or the pandemic fucking things up or a bit of both, but it feels like my connection with people outside of family has mostly eroded and I have no idea how to fix it.

Since finishing school I haven't really found anything to replace it as my "social arena". I have my job, but I don't talk to anyone there and there's very little opportunity to talk to people anyway. In my last few years of school I started drifting away from old friends. We didn't go to school together every day anymore and the pandemic kinda put up a wall everywhere else too. I was making some new friends initially, but after a year I couldn't even make that happen anymore. My ability to make new friends just faded away and so did my connections to old friends. I just drifted into isolation more and more. At this point I feel so deep into that pit that I can't find my way out again. I can't find it within myself to start talking to people again, old or new. I can't find it within myself why I'd even be worth anyone's time.

When I was still hanging out with people I got constant feedback, it felt good, I could pick up how they might enjoy my company and that they knew I enjoyed theirs. But now, after feeling alone for so long, I don't have that feedback anymore. I don't have anything up there except my own thoughts, my own projections and assumptions, my own feedback to myself. And all I can hear is the doubt, my own voice reminding me that I'm not worth anyone's time. If I try to reach back out, maybe attempt to reforge an old bond, all I'm gonna be met with is embarassment and shame and sadness. I'll end up right back here anyway.

Maybe I could try studying again, maybe try to study something that I'd actually enjoy working in and start meeting people again in the process. Seems like the only place left where I feel I could atleast potentially flourish a bit socially. But then I just think about how much I hated school, hated studying, how anxious and depressed it made me. Fear and anxiety holds me back, and I avoid returning to school at all costs.

Maybe I could just message an old friend, give them a date and just straight up ask them if/when they're free. Anytime I have those rare occasions where I do speak to old friend through text and such we end the conversation by saying "let's hang out sometime!", but then we just never do. So just give them a date, just ask them, be specific. But am I then putting pressure on them? Making them feel obligated to say yes and hang out with me? Give me some pity and just go along with it even if they don't want to? What would we even do? Just hang out? I'm just going to bore them to death aren't I? There's nothing I could do that would make it interesting or worthwhile to them. They'll never speak to me again. They never liked me anyway. Fear and anxiety holds me back, and I avoid reaching out to any and all of my past friends.

I feel stuck here, down in this rut of self-pity and anxiety and avoidance of anything scary or challenging. I know I have a whole life ahead of me, but when you're down there it's hard to imagine any future where you aren't. I know what I wanna do, I know exactly what it is that I want to do. I know exactly what I wanna say. But I don't feel strong enough. Everything just makes me anxious. Feels like that's all there is to me now, all that's left. I still have some people in my life, I know I'm not completely alone. But I just know there's something missing, a huge gap in my heart that I yearn so deeply to get back. I want to try, but I can't get out of my own way.

#personal #mental health #long post #avoidance

[monumentalslutt]

i feel so like embarrassed saying this like i feel so cringe i swear i don’t mean this in pick me cringe embarassing way but i feel like most ppl don’t get what i mean when i say i get really angry, brah my anger just as extreme as my weird hyper moods and weird emo moods like that’s the level it be on it’s just i never am that angry in public no one has pissed me off to that level (to my face at least these damn mfs be sassy as fuck over text tjough but lose they balls in person) anyways yeah i don’t like how nobody gets that i be getting that emotionally angry too i just am not gonna randomly start screaming in public i have social awareness mate i’m not a freak unless i get really upset but then i normally start crying bcs im like wtf everyone’s looking at me and i get super upset and angry cry 😢 i hate when i angry cry bcs it makes me feel like a pussy ass bitch and then it makes me more angry and i cry more but normally my dad or 💞 or ☕️ you know all the ppl i’ve been around when i’m angry crying gives me a hug and i feel better so maybe i angry cry when im only angry bcs like i need a hug and when i’m just like fuck u i hate u angry like tryna hurt their feelings angry then idk soz i’m stoned and i don’t even know why i’m talking abojt me being angry wtf thags so weird see why do i always have the urge to share unnecessary stupid shit abt mhself i needa learn to just keep ro myself a lil more just in general i don’t need to talk so much lately i’ve also really started hating how talkative i can get it geniunely makes me dislike myself like why do i do that that’s sp embarrassing, but i’ve actually been getting way better at doing it to people i just realised, OMG YIPPEE i literally share here where only teana could ever see it sometimes i wish i made my ex download tumblr but then i remind mhself he definitely doesn’t care enough to be checkin on my tumblr omg ok i feel sad 🤬 how am i gonna have no marijuana no vape NUTHIN for 3 weeks straight starting TOMORROW ima start shaking and sweating like a tweaker

[kidkintsugi]

up and about to cry because i realize that ive made myself too vulnerable.

multiple people in this city know im trans i shouldve hidden myself better. at least they have the respect to keep quiet about it. i hate it i hate it i hate it SO much.

my friend in this city knows too but i see the way he talks about other trans men. defaults to "she" when he hears them talking in a higher pitch. would he have talked to me in the same way if my pitch was a little higher? god that makes me self concious. what about my hips? fucker calls me breedable and in the beginning when he didnt know he said id make "a good femboy" as if i wouldnt rip out his throat if he said that again.

ive been trying to be more open about my interests but i realized AGAIN that it only makes me a target. a lot of people like to throw weird looks when i get passionate about something i like or get into the humor i learned for myself and like to say "oh you know we dont mean it!" but i know. ive always know. maybe they lied and find it annoying just like anybody else because fuck why would they not? i am annoying and embarassing to be around in public. i walk weird i talk weird i look weird, i literally look like a twelve year old which is also a joke often made about me but im starting to suspect that maybe its just an insult.

maybe JUST MAYBE theyre not laughing with me theyre laughing at me and i cannot tell the difference, which brings up tons of trauma from my past that i DO NOT like to explore.

another thing is the way they like to spend time with me. one of my current friends is desperately in need of a relationship (or dick, cannot tell) which means he gets flirty and too close with me as well. i said im going to a concert this november and the immediate reaction was "why not with me :(((" because im going with my mom and idk what you would try if you were alone with me at a concert. "were going on trips again together this summer arent we? but you HAVE to bring your hot friend 🥺🥺" you can also just invite him on your own you dont have to drag me along if you want him so bad. maybe i want to go on trips on my own without you.

what have i learned? keep to myself. push current friends away because are they really friends? I AM MEANT TO BE ALONE. its all only gonna hurt in the end. this is the most social i have ever been in years and i feel like, and this is gonna make me sound like a dick but idc, I ONLY HAVE DISADVANTAGES BECAUSE EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS ME FOR HELP BUT I CANT ASK THEM FOR HELP BECAUSE I CAN DO MOST THINGS NOT ONLY ON MY OWN BUT ALSO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE I KNOW.

theyre mostly only using me anyway. i have nothing to lose. paranoia won today

[farleygranger]

holy sHIT I'M SO FUCKING EMBARASSING-

#i hate social interactions aaaaaah #its literally painful for me to be in public istg #why am i so awkward and embarassing jesus christ #oh also this happened and like. wtf #me: oh the good thing about the virus is that now when you go out you can use it to avoid shaking hands with strangers #also me: tries to go for an handshake with the doctor #THE DOCTOR. WHAT. AM I DUMB #this feels like one of those things ill think about in the middle of the night in 5 years and cringe #anyway. if there are typos or some shit doesnt make sense its not my fault #i have some weird liquid in my eyes and cant see very well cause i went to the uh. eye doctor?? #is that what its called. wait lemme check #OPHTHALMOLOGIST??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? #ENGLISH WHAT THE FUCK- #dile.txt

[brlankinney]

✨a long awaited michael hate list✨

last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order: 

s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit 

s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do

s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate 

s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!! 

s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man 

s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!! 

s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them? 

s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!! 

s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad???? 

s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it 

s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!

bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS 

s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done 

THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you

both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY 

i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity 

“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL 

s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices

e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe? 

when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing? 

going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????

#queer as folk #i’m not putting it in the michael tag i’m not an idiot #qaf us #qaf