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lady-divine-writes · 3 years

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Kurtbastian fic “Always and Forever” Chapter 3

Summary: After the death of their daughter Grace, Kurt and Sebastian drift apart. Kurt wraps himself up in his grief so tightly he starts to push Sebastian away, and Sebastian, feeling himself shoved aside when he needs Kurt most, cheats. They make the decision to start over, to leave New York City and their pain behind, and start over again in a house Upstate. Sebastian buys Kurt a "fixer upper" and gives him free reign. While redecorating the room that will be his studio, Kurt comes across something interesting underneath the wallpaper. It starts to become an obsession for Kurt - an obsession that begins to replace Kurt's love for his husband, which Sebastian is holding on to by a thread. Can Kurt and Sebastian break through the pain and the hurt and find a way to fall in love again?

Read on AO3.

Chapter 3 (4753 words)

Kurt stares out his studio window at the neighborhood below. It’s 10:15 a.m. and a Tuesday, so it isn’t as if the place is teeming with activity. Everyone living on Colony Lane seems content to stick to their own spaces, abide by their own schedules, and go about their lives without much interference from the world outside.

Kurt hates to hand it to Sebastian, but that’s what he wants as well. Isolation in a quaint fixer-upper is precisely what he needs.

Another point for Sebastian.

Damn.

He seems to be racking them up lately, while Kurt…

Kurt can admit that he’s not trying as hard as he should be, but he’s giving himself permission to be selfish. There shouldn’t be a timetable for bouncing back from loss, and Kurt got the double-whammy.

Sebastian gave him betrayal to get over, too.

Kurt knows that he should deem repairing his marriage a priority, but he also needs to do what’s right for him.

He hasn’t figured out what that is yet, but it'll come to him.

Underlying childhood guilt has him believing that he should introduce himself to the neighbors. Etiquette and all that. It’s what his mother would do. Every time his family moved, and there had been a handful of times, Kurt’s mother would bake a batch of cookies for the neighbors. She'd put a baker's dozen into colorful cellophane bags, tie the tops with curled ribbon, and take them door to door to say hello. She wouldn’t wait for people to show up on their doorstep with a casserole and a smile. She believed in being proactive. She would tell him, “New neighborhood, new life. Go out and be a part of it.”

But Kurt doesn’t want to, and the neighbors seem fine with that.

It’s been three days, and Kurt and Sebastian have only gotten one visitor – the technician who came to fix the heating. Of course, the neighbors could be waiting for them to get settled. Then they’ll pounce over with perfectly iced Gingerbread Bundt cakes and Chicken Kievs, church invites, and Girl Scout cookie order forms, like a swarm of Stepford Wives.

Kurt doesn’t care about being proactive, and his mother isn’t around to scold him for behaving like a hermit.

That may sound harsh, but it's true.

The clouds pulling together in the sky overhead, threatening rain, give Kurt an excuse to shut himself away and work on the house - an excuse he can ply without the assistance of a tragic backstory. With his laptop open on the floor in front of him, he browses those websites that feed his design fetishes: Ethan Allen, Neiman Marcus, Anthropologie.

But he's not the least bit inspired.

He’d decided to start small, take things room by room instead of attacking everything at once. But he gets stumped, staring at the screen in front of him, unsure whether the chair he’s been mulling over for the past half hour is gorgeous or gaudy.

He should focus on bringing the living room together since it’s where they do the bulk of their entertaining, provided they ever start entertaining again. And he should do something about the master bedroom, which, for the moment, houses a bed, a TV, and a dresser within the confines of four ashy walls.

Opinions on the topic vary, but Kurt has always felt that the bedrooms are the heart of the home. They’re sanctuaries where dreaming, planning, and affirmation happen. He only has the one to worry about, so he should put extra effort into making it comforting, relaxing, sensual on the off chance he ever plans on touching his husband again.

The jury is still out on that one, unfortunately.

The kitchen, he’s not looking forward to decorating. Aside from his studio, he and Grace spent much of their time together in the kitchen. They baked daily: cakes, cookies, bread, and anything else they could slop onto a baking sheet and shove into the oven. They also made jam, pickled fruit, and taught themselves (using YouTube videos mainly) to prepare various types of cuisine. Some were a hit, others a miss, but it was always an adventure.

Kurt had done something similar with his mother and her collection of vintage cookbooks, congregating around the kitchen island in the afternoons to shed the angst of public school, and spread the wings of his stifled creativity. He and his mother discussed everything in the kitchen while sifting flour and creaming butter. It was a tradition he had so looked forward to continuing.

Now, he’d rather not be bothered going into the kitchen again.

He could pick a page out of the IKEA catalog and recreate it. That should offend him. It did when Sebastian suggested it the first time Kurt redecorated their penthouse. But Kurt hardly cares. It doesn’t matter as much as it did. He can’t remember the last time he stepped into the kitchen and prepared anything more elaborate than toast and coffee, maybe dry scrambled eggs. Sebastian took over cooking duties after Grace died, which, nine times out of ten, means ordering out, if for no other reason than he gets to leave the house to pick up the food.

He knows Kurt appreciates the time alone more than he does a home-cooked meal.

Then there’s Sebastian’s office, which Kurt is decorating for the first time. He has tried to start a shopping cart for it numerous times, but, unlike the windfall of ideas he had for his studio, he can’t get into a groove. He remembers a time when thinking about decorating Sebastian’s office put a hundred ideas into his head.

Currently, he has only one.

The cheap, vomit-worthy, knock-off furnishings of the no-tell hotel room he pictures whenever he thinks of Sebastian sleeping with another man.

Kurt shivers in disgust. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy.

The room or the infidelity.

But how would Sebastian react if Kurt decorated his office to look like the business suite at the Marriott?

Kurt snickers, envisioning the sitcom-worthy shock that would erupt on Sebastian's face if he presented that to him.

"As you can see," Kurt would say, strolling through the room with his head held high atop the straightest spine pettiness can deliver, "I have chosen the most flame-retardant carpet available in subtle hues of tan and beige, a color combination well suited for concealing cum stains. This ergonomic, curved leather loveseat, for when you want to get adventurous with your afternoon romps, which, at your age, requires plenty of lumbar support. Plus, it cleans up in a snap with just a Clorox wipe, so that's a useful feature. Faux fireplace, faux aquarium, faux chandelier... are we sensing a theme? And in the corner, I've provided you a foldout of your own, for when you bring... ahem... work home."

The grin on Kurt's lips slides when Sebastian, wearing a gutted expression, pops to mind. It's an expression that Kurt didn't believe possible for Sebastian till their daughter died. He's only seen it once. He doesn't want to bring it back.

He sighs.

Revenge-dreaming isn't helping.

It isn't as satisfying as he thought it would be.

He’s not breaking through his creative block anytime soon. He puts his plans for the other rooms on the back burner and decides to spend time picking out furniture for his studio. With the exception of his sewing machines, he didn’t bring anything from his penthouse studio here, so he’s starting over fresh. He switches tabs and starts filling his online shopping cart with the basics: a new drafting table, a cabinet, a chair he’ll have to custom-upholster, a bolt of drapery fabric he can repurpose to make a bedspread (if he goes through with his plans for a foldout), and a few other miscellaneous odds and ends, nothing worth wasting too much brain-power over.

The clunk-clunk of Sebastian stacking cans in the kitchen cabinets reaches Kurt upstairs, as does the water running in the sink while he washes dishes and the squeak of the sticky pantry door when he fixes it. Kurt plans on redoing the kitchen and giving the entire room a facelift. Sebastian knows that. But repairing the door gives Sebastian something to do.

Sebastian has been considerate enough to let Kurt do his thing undisturbed for the morning. Kurt’s reluctance to talk to anyone extends to Sebastian, which Sebastian understands. He’s keeping his distance. But it’s nice to hear him puttering around the house. It gives Kurt comfort, the same way listening to his father snore in the middle of the night helped Kurt feel less alone after his mother died.

He may want to be left alone, but it’s nice to know that he’s not alone.

Especially not today.

Today did not start out good for Kurt.

Kurt woke up later than he’d intended, and when he did, he couldn’t remember where he was. Sebastian had woken up and gotten out of bed hours earlier, leaving Kurt alone to sleep in. Kurt climbed out of bed and wandered around frightened, hands crawling along the walls, searching for something familiar. Footsteps passed somewhere underneath him, and he froze. He didn’t want to venture downstairs because he didn’t know who could be there. Maybe someone had broken in, or worse - this was somebody else’s house, and Kurt was the intruder.

His heart raced. He started hyperventilating. He went from room to room, trying to figure out where he was and why he was there. It wasn’t until the second time he went into his studio that he began to remember. He saw his bag on the floor and, beside it, his sketchbook. He remembered sitting in there the day before, making plans. He remembered the wood grain of the floor, the dusty glass, the tree outside, the wallpaper, and that ripped corner by the window, which Kurt refuses to acknowledge any more than he has to.

He feels it behind him, like the sun on his back, trying to get him to turn his face to it, but he refuses. Of all the things he needs to deal with, that ripped corner and the word beneath it don’t make the list. It isn't doing the palpitations in his chest any favors.

It confuses him.

It angers him.

It saddens him.

It makes him consider what could have been, forces him to face everything he's lost. He didn't succeed in running away from his problems. He ran headlong into brand new ones.

But this is his house. He has to get used to it.

These episodes aren’t uncommon. They crop up whenever Kurt needs to adapt to change. They’re unexpected, like mines in fields he discovers he’s been running through when a second ago he was picking flowers in the park or strolling down the street.

It's their unpredictability that is the true torture.

They show up even on his good days.

His life for the last ten years revolved around his daughter. When she was a baby, he adjusted his work schedule to match her sleep schedule. They had the money to afford the best nurses in New York, but Kurt didn’t want that. He didn’t want his daughter raised by a governess. He was as hands-on a parent as there ever was.

As Grace grew, her schedule changed, and Kurt adjusted: daycare, Gymboree, kindergarten, ballet, elementary school. He dropped her off in the mornings, then picked her up in the afternoons. They spent the rest of the day going over her homework until it was time to make dinner, which they did together.

That was the great thing about being a designer and freelance editor. Kurt could work from anywhere, and, aside from doing consultations at Vogue, he could work any time.

When Grace became sick, her doctor visits and her medication regimen dictated Kurt's schedule, then her chemo.

Towards the end, there was only one item written in Kurt’s schedule - lie beside his daughter in her bed, holding on to her for dear life.

And not just her life.

His, too.

In sickness and in health, Grace kept Kurt’s life regulated.

Things flipped drastically when she died.

He felt adrift. Detached from the life he had gotten used to, he didn’t know what to latch on to. His internal clock would wake him up at six to get Grace ready for the day, only to find himself walking into a vacant bedroom. At the supermarket, he would grab her favorite cereal out of habit and put it in his cart, even though it wasn’t on the list. He would jolt when he'd come across a song he thought she’d like or saw an advertisement for a movie he thought she’d enjoy.

He has yet to stop the automatic deposits from his bank account to hers, her weekly allowance piling up on top of birthday and Christmas money. She had earmarked it for college (her decision, not his). Now it waits to be donated to the children’s hospital that took such incredible care of her. He doesn’t have the heart to empty it. She was so proud of it.

He doesn’t know what it will do to him to see the balance at zero.

But the worst moment of all, the absolute worst, was when he tried to go back to work right after they lost her.

There are many moments after Grace’s death, during Kurt’s own struggle for acceptance, that blur together, but this one he remembers so vividly, it brings a lump to his throat and tears to his eyes.

He was in the middle of a brainstorming session with his team. His boss Isabelle was there. She had dropped by with a box of cronuts and a grande nonfat mocha. Kurt hadn’t been eating. Everyone could tell. But Kurt overlooked the signs – the sharper than normal angle to his cheekbones and chin, his collarbone that showed through his skin a little too much, his hands that never stopped shaking. He had waved the food away when she offered.

An hour later, he was on his third one.

The tension of his presence in the office so soon after his daughter’s death slowly dissipated, making way for the familiar, though attenuated, back and forth banter he had so missed. Without knowing it, he was paving the way for a potential comeback. He wouldn’t have a line up for a while, and he would need to keep an eye on fashion trends as they came and went in his absence. But this, this felt so natural, so normal, it almost seemed like it was. He got caught up in the rhythm of this impromptu jam session. He smiled, he laughed.

He felt alive again.

Somewhere in the middle of outlining a rough schedule, he glanced down at the time on his phone. Mid-sentence, he got up from his chair and walked over to get his coat off the hook by the door.

“Alright,” he said with a chuckle over Chase’s last clap back at a jab from his boyfriend Ian, “thanks for everything, you guys, but I’ve gotta run. We’ll talk about this more when I come in tomorrow.”

The room went pin-drop silent. Kurt didn’t notice.

“Where are you going?” Isabelle asked, getting up from her seat on the corner of his desk and approaching, knowing that he would need her in a second, the way she always knew. Kurt has referred to Isabelle as his Fairy Godmother ever since he first walked into Vogue fresh out of high school and trying to find a foothold in the hectic Gulf Stream that is New York City. She became his pillar of support, a sympathetic ear, and a clear head whenever he needed one. She had thrown his bachelor party. Hers was the condo he stayed in the night before his wedding. She’d hosted Grace’s baby shower.

Also, Grace’s wake.

She didn’t have children of her own and didn't plan on it, but she loved Grace as much as anyone.

And hers was the shoulder Kurt cried on when he found out Sebastian had cheated.

Kurt looked at her, confused, wondering why it was that everyone around him seemed to be holding their breath. “I just… have to go pick up Grace. From school. I’m going… I’m going to be late.”

Isabelle shook her head and put a hand on his. “Sweetie… ”

It took Kurt a second.

Even after one person gasped and another sniffled, with Isabelle’s sorrowful eyes staring at him, begging him to remember so she wouldn’t have to say it, he didn’t catch on.

When he did, it hit him like an electric shock straight through his body, rendering his muscles useless, and he crumbled to the floor. Isabelle held him for over an hour in that spot until Sebastian arrived. Kurt didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go to their empty penthouse and face the truth about his empty life. He wanted to stay at Vogue with Isabelle and live in that moment where everything was alright again for one shimmering second, even if it wasn’t real.

But he had to go. He had to leave with Sebastian, who had hurt him, back to his home, even if it killed him because even though he felt like his life was over, everything else continued on. People lived, and people died. The sun set in the evening, but in the morning, it would rise again.

He just didn’t want to be a part of it anymore.

Not without his Grace.

He was cried out by the time Sebastian got him home. Sebastian undressed him, helped him with his cleaning and moisturizing routine, and then put him to bed. It was Friday evening when Kurt shut his eyes and went to sleep. He lived that horrible moment at his office over again a hundred times before he opened his eyes. And when he did, it was Sunday morning.

Like this morning, but to a greater extent, when these attacks happen, locked in his own brain, sifting through the pieces to find one big enough and sturdy enough to hold on to, Kurt loses time.

In a blink, hours go by, sometimes a day. He’ll climb in the shower in the morning, turn the water on hot, and by the time he realizes it’s cold, it’s close to noon. He has sat at the dining room table for breakfast, staring at a bowl of oatmeal, and when he found the will to pick up the spoon, the oatmeal was old and stiff, and it was dinner time. He’s gone to bed on Monday and stared at the black behind his eyelids till Wednesday.

As far as Kurt knows, it’s only around lunchtime, but he glances at the clock in the corner of his screen to make sure.

12:45.

He breathes a sigh of relief. He double-checks the date to make sure he has a reason to and sighs again.

Still Tuesday.

Kurt switches back to the IKEA tab he’d been laboring long but not hard on earlier. He looks at the shopping cart he’s been steadily filling, scrolls through his selections of personality bereft, assembly line furniture, and groans. This isn’t him. This house, this blank slate, should be an endless fount of motivation.

But he's numb.

Maybe he's rushing into this. He should give this house and the neighborhood time to grow on him before he sentences it to the mundane.

He needs a break. (Kurt Hummel need a break from shopping? Since when?) He flips to a new page in his sketchbook. For shits and giggles, he tries drawing a sketch for his husband’s office. He starts with the easy part – Sebastian’s desk. Sebastian didn’t leave that in the penthouse, so Kurt will make it the linchpin and design around it.

Things flow surprisingly easily from there once he gets started, with a pencil in his hand writing on paper instead of working on a screen: an ornamental rug, a matching leather chair, burgundy velvet curtains, a chainmail style Tiffany desk lamp, 1930s art deco décor with a soupcon of Persian flair. But he doesn’t want the room to be too dark. No. Kurt wants nothing in their house to be dark. He adds a Salento chandelier over the open portion of the room and a sweep of color – one wall, opposite a window, a lighter shade than the rest. He doesn’t know what Sebastian’s office looks like, but there has to be a wall in there that will fit the bill.

An enamel and copper vase, a Khatam inlaid photo frame, a few Negar Gari…

Kurt stops.

Would Sebastian want that? The softer elements countering the strict lines of the art deco pieces, what could be described as feminine influences, are Kurt’s signature touch. But might Sebastian prefer the art deco without Kurt’s fingerprints all over it? Isn’t that what Sebastian meant by Kurt being heavy-handed with the pastels?

Back in high school, Kurt had decorated his bedroom so that he and his stepbrother could share it. He'd skipped school so he could complete it in one day. He’d worked hard on it, trying to fuse a masculine air with his theatrical influence. What he thought was an eclectic representation of the masculine and the feminine turned into a Moroccan-themed disaster.

The word his stepbrother chose to use at the time was faggy, but there were ulterior motives behind it.

Sebastian made jabs in high school about Kurt not wearing boy clothes, comments that adult Kurt recognizes as the teenage boy equivalent of pulling Kurt’s pigtails. But at the time, they stung. Sebastian wouldn’t have made those comments if there weren’t a grain of truth to them, would he?

Sebastian has never retracted those statements, so as far as Kurt is concerned, they stand.

Kurt flips his pencil over and starts erasing. He’ll pare down the extras – trade the Tiffany lamp for a banker’s lamp, replace the rug with something more Brooks Brothers than Pier 1.

Maybe he should just opt for another IKEA recreation, but that feels like copping out, going back on his word.

He could always ask Sebastian. He swears his husband has passed by a few times, his footsteps rising and falling outside his door, but Kurt didn’t think anything of it. He figures Sebastian is passing through on his way to get something from the bedroom that he needs downstairs. Kurt doesn’t imagine the man is pacing the hallway, even if he is, trying to find a way to tell Kurt that lunch is ready. Little things like lunch, innocuous things, have become huge divides over the past few months. With anyone else, Sebastian has a history of railroading over them, hurt feelings be damned.

But Sebastian has learned his lesson. He paid a hefty price learning it, too.

Contemplating between clearing his throat so that Kurt knows he’s there and letting another meal go cold, he sees Kurt’s head lift up. It seems like an opening. Whether or not it is, Sebastian takes it.

“Lunch is ready.”

“Mm-hmm,” Kurt mumbles, brushing eraser shavings aside.

“Are you… are you coming downstairs?”

Kurt erases again, then pencils something on a sheet of paper that Sebastian can’t see. “Hmm… mmm?”

It sounds like a question and an answer, but since Kurt doesn’t follow it up with anything, it most likely means that Kurt will be skipping lunch… again. Sebastian knocks idly on the door frame, giving Kurt a second longer to tell him for sure.

“Alright.” Disappointed, he turns to leave. “I guess I’ll come back up at dinner then.”

Kurt doesn’t know why the thought returns when he wasn’t even thinking about it, why it decided to nag at his brain when he had been able to ignore it for this long, but that’s the way his brain works now. His thoughts don’t always travel straight paths. They twist and turn, taking one thing and linking it to something unrelated. Erasing the ideas he’d sketched out, removing every inch of himself from Sebastian’s office, made him think about how eager he was to be rid of that word darling from above the window, and that ripped corner returns to his mind with a vengeance.

Well, as long as Sebastian is there, he might as well ask.

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian pauses in the doorway, not daring to move. “Yes?”

“When was the last time you were here?” Kurt raised an eyebrow at the idea when it originally came to him. When would Sebastian have come to this house that Kurt didn’t know? They traveled Upstate once a year, but they always did it together as a family. And while they were here, Sebastian rarely ventured out alone. Sebastian isn’t the kind of person who would buy a house sight unseen.

Unless he had found it during one of his outings with Grace. Which would mean that Grace had seen the inside.

Grace would have seen this room and thought it would be hers, thought that they would someday live here, and Sebastian hid that word darling by the window for her and not Kurt.

The thought is so painful, it makes Kurt want to tear his nails out with his teeth so he’ll stop thinking about it.

Sebastian keeps his eyes locked to Kurt’s profile so he won’t miss the moment Kurt decides to look at him instead of the floor, the wall, or the ceiling.

“I found this house online. It wasn’t even on the market when I stumbled on it. To be honest, I’d only driven by it once. I hadn’t been inside until we moved in.”

“But you saw the inside,” Kurt asks. “Otherwise, how would you know about this room?”

“I took a virtual tour,” Sebastian admits sheepishly, “but it was extremely thorough. I’ve seen the blueprints, gone over the permits and the zoning. I had Tristan from the office look over the place when he came up to visit his folks. He facetimed me while he was here.” Sebastian furrows his brow. “Why? Is something wrong?”

Kurt’s heart beats regular again. Grace hadn’t seen it.

Thank God.

His eyes find the torn section of wallpaper, but they don’t stay there. He doesn’t want to clue Sebastian in about it if Sebastian doesn’t already know. He wants to uncover this mystery on his own. If Sebastian gets to keep secrets, big ones at that, then Kurt wants this one for himself.

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I was just curious, you know. Wanted to understand your process. Why this house, why this neighborhood, that sort of thing.”

Kurt’s sentence comes out choppy. It’s odd how awkward talking has become for them. Sebastian used to think that the two things they had mastered were talking and fucking. They did both together with such ease. There were never any boundaries between them, emotionally or physically. Even when they were cutting each other down, which they did in the beginning, they did so with such finesse.

Not like now, when Sebastian is walking on eggshells and Kurt doesn’t want to hear half of what he has to say.

“If you come down for lunch, we can talk about my process. If you’re curious, that is.” Sebastian watches Kurt expectantly, waiting for an answer.

And while Sebastian does, Kurt looks at his sketch – Sebastian’s office, the same way Sebastian always has it decorated. This is Sebastian without him and Grace: bland and emotionless, no light, little color, and no joy. Nothing exciting, nothing nuanced, nothing to indicate that he and Sebastian are together.

Not even those snapshots he’s so proud of.

Kurt hasn’t decided whether that’s a bleak picture or not.

“Sure. I’ll be down in a sec,” Kurt decides because he does and doesn’t have an answer to that one. It changes as the day changes, and the days change too quickly.

“Alright. I’ll be waiting.” Sebastian walks away, or Kurt thinks he does. He checks the time on his clock. It’s closing in on 2.

Kurt glances up at the window, the dangling wallpaper bouncing with the breeze coming from a draft near the ceiling. It would be so easy to tear it down – grab an edge and rip, be done with it once and for all. It might even feel cathartic, exposing whatever is underneath it. But lunch is ready. He’s already left Sebastian waiting long enough.

He leaves that mystery for another day.

#kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #sebastian smythe #kurt hummel

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matchwolf9 · 3 years

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Major Feng Shui Secrets And Techniques

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#fengshui #bracelet #feng shui

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billyboymiki · 3 years

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5 Works Tag Game

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and post or link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I got tagged by @tippenfunkaport and @caramelaire for this tag game!!

I’m not one to compliment myself on anything honestly. Recently I remember thinking about how I barely drew anything this year. There was a part of my brain nagging at me to check how much I had drawn last year. So, I uh did. Turns out I drew basically nothing?! I triple checked this in fact. My DeviantART, Tumblr AND my camera roll. Nothing . . . I drew 5 very basic pinback button designs and that was it. I couldn’t believe it; but, it made be feel so much better about what I did this year. Basically my whole instagram is all artwork from this year, since I am actually really new to IG. I got super close to 40 works this year!

Now onto the works! They are in order of when I drew them 😊

Glimmer Inspired Patterns

I wanted to teach myself how to make patterns on Clip Studio so bad! I watched a couple of YT tutorials, and I can’t even remember why I decided to make She-ra ones specifically; I’m glad I did though! The Glimmer one means so much to me. Just looking at makes me so happy! The fact that so many people have now called it ‘aesthetically pleasing’ makes me feel as though I actually created a work that others could relate to. That was enough praise for me; to create something for myself that everyone else loved as well 💖

Glimbow Cuddle

This was my first real She-ra artwork. When I saw there was a Glimbow Week again I knew I had to join this one. I don’t know if anyone knows this; but, drawings take me forever to make. I used to be strictly a traditional artist and still prefer to draw rough drafts on paper. I couldn’t decide if I wanted them on Glimmer’s window seat or in Bow’s dads’ library. I was afraid of doing backgrounds; so, both sounded absolutely terrifying. I decided to go for the fireplace even if it meant fancy lighting on top of the background aspect. I think I actually spent more time on the lighting that’s hitting Bow than on anything else in this picture. It was worth it though. I studied how the show did backgrounds and lighting for a while. I tried so many different attempts at how I wanted it to look and ultimately went with this one! I love it so much 🥺

Bow’s list with doodles

Ah, yes the drawings I did for Tippen’s birthday!! I knew I wanted to draw a scene from ‘Tuna Cans’, but I was worried to try something like this. You see, I’m somebody that likes to stay in a comfort zone and only uploaded fully rendered perfect artworks. This year was the first time that I let the ‘fun’ aspect overrule my perfectionism. I’m so happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone for this, because I love Chibi styles so much. I can’t even explain the absolute joy I had drawing these. I didn’t tell anyone what I was up to, so it was just me laughing at myself for being an absolute goofball. The end result and everyone’s reactions were more than I could have ever expected. I’ve decided I’m going to revive this style soon as well so please look forwards to it!!

Space Suit Squad

Okay, so I cheated a little with this one! I couldn’t just pick ONE of the squad. Honestly though, I drew these with the thought of making them into prints in the back of my mind. I taught myself how to draw a space background and I’m really proud of it! So much in fact that the one in the final pictures is the first and last one I ended up doing! If I had to pick my favorites I think I’d have to pick Glimmer, Bow and then Catra. I LOVE the way I draw Catra I don’t know why? Maybe the eyebrows I’m not sure 🤔 It took me a while to decide on expressions and poses; although, I figured these were the ones because I could look at them and go ‘yep that’s them.’

Winter Glimbow

This one took me soooo long; I actually had to tell myself that I should put my pen down because it was done and I should stop touching it!!! I was sketching pictures in my sketchbook to make more patterns for my Redbubble account, and of course I’m like 100% Glimbow brainrot. My brain went, oooo you know what would be cute? If this skate was actually Bow’s and not just generic. So, I ended up sketching Glimmer’s as well. The heart that their skates make is like the cherry on the top for me, it had to be done! I’m not sure I did the background justice on this one? It doesn’t matter to me though because the concept was worth the effort. It was snowing here and I needed this picture like I needed air, even if it wasn’t even December at the time I posted it 🤣 I liked this one so much that I have similar ideas for the other seasons sketched out as well 👀

I’m sorry that I ramble so often. I’m like this quiet person; yet, it’s hard for me to get out everything I want to say? I’m horrible at it actually my brain runs at a hundred miles a minute and I’m not good with words most of the time. This turned out as more of a thought process than my actual feelings on each one I suppose. SO, in conclusion. I drew A LOT, I stepped out of my comfort zone, taught myself digital art and patterns. I let myself come to terms with the fact that not every piece of art has to be ‘perfect’. I drew at least 5 FULL backgrounds and I never used to draw them! I’ve also always been one for simple shading and lighting, and I do think there’s a time for that type of style, while other times sometimes a more difficult one might be appropriate. I’m glad that I did both because now I know I can do both, and they each give a characteristic that I adore 🥰 Thank you to everyone that has followed me through this journey, or just anyone who read my rambling! I have an honorable mention under the cut and some originals for anyone that made it this far! 💖

I’m not going to tag anyone; but, if you want to do this PLEASE do it. It was so great to reflect on what I did this year, it really surprised me and I think what you have done will surprise you as well! It’s been a rough year, and in the end we have been here supporting each other and that’s one of the most rewarding parts of being in a fandom! 💜

Glimmer screencap redraw

Another picture where I really tested myself on drawing a background! I love it even if it killed my hand!! The background definitely took the longest on this one too. My sister literally said ‘Wait, you did the background? I thought you just drew her?!’ And that was the only validation I needed!! I ended up thinning out Glimmer’s outline so she matched the background better. If you use the vectors on Clip please use this feature! You can do the opposite as well, it’s super useful!

Oh hi! Remember when I said I couldn’t decide between the two locations? Truth is, I also couldn’t decide if I was going to make it traditional or digital. I ended up getting really mad at the traditional version unfortunately. I haven’t gotten the hang of traditional backgrounds. In the end, I should have also done it in Copic and not cheap pencil crayons 😫

Just some space friends! There is something so rewarding about traditional art. Yes, I can see the mistakes and the proportions are most likely off; yet, it doesn’t bother me? I wanted to also show these bonus drawings because nobody is perfect and I thought some of you might like to see some of my process. Being able to hold it in my hands is something I will never tire of, in a way it’s super rewarding. I keep all my art actually and sometimes I like the rough drafts more than the finished work 👀 Outlining artwork can actually ruin the charm every so often 😔 I do really love the final versions of these though!

Annnnnd the last bonus!! As you can tell the final version stayed pretty true to my sketches! I almost went with a more realistic look and made the symbols ‘stitched’ onto the skates. In the end it felt like it didn’t fit the rest of the drawing unless I wanted to add extra details to the clothing as well. The wings on Glimmer’s skates turned into ‘Shwings’ PLEASE tell me other people know what that is? I had a pair a few years ago and misplaced them. I was doing the rough draft and it popped into brain and I treated it as a joke at first, until I gave it a proper chance XD In the end I fell in love with it!!!

#she-ra #spop #fanart #tag game #billyboymiki #Miki speaks #long post #sorry #my art #I actually cried a little writing all of this 😱#the only thing I wanted to do really bad this year was make an spop amv #I might juggle art and making one so I can get one out at some point

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regeek · 4 years

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Essay of the East: A Poisonous Song

Welcome to the first part of my essay series on Deltora Quest series 3. This was originally going to be just about the guardians of the Four Sisters, but I realized i couldn’t talk about them without talking about Lief, and the outline got longer and longer, so I’m splitting it into four parts. The first will be about the Sisters themselves, and common themes between the four guardians. The second will be about the guardians individually, and how they each relate to the core theme of their book. The third will be a look into Lief’s psychology, and why the Four Sisters is such a difficult challenge for him personally. Lastly I’ll compare Lief to the Four Guardians and draw conclusions about the themes of the series as a whole.

The Shadow Lord’s plot with the Four Sisters embodies the social and political themes of all of his schemes. The Sisters are beings of pollution and famine. Hidden in the four furthest corners of the land, they sing a “song” that poisons the land slowly. The core of his plan is to kill Deltora so slowly the citizens didn’t realize what was happening, and if they did, convince them not to try to stop it. The idea for it came from his own personal experience, where he killed four sisters on an island because he resented their beautiful singing, only to discover their song kept an enormous beast asleep. It awoke and destroyed the island, forcing him to flee. It was one of the last times the Shadow Lord felt weak and powerless.

The Shadow Lord projected this moment of weakness onto the people of Deltora, seeking to make them all feel as powerless as he did. The Sisters he created are twisted subversions of the girls on the island, and all aspects of this plot involve twisting and subverting the things Deltora values against its people. The Sisters are not quite “creatures” per se, even more artificial than most of the Shadow Lords creations. Like the girls on the island they cannot defend themselves, putting all of their energy into their song. To keep them safe long enough for them to work, the Shadow Lord took measure to protect them. He killed the Dragons, defenders of the Deltoran ecosystem, and enlisted agents to keep watch on them. But he also built up an emotional barrier around them. Everything about the Sisters, from their design, to their location, to the choice of their guardians was designed to make sure that destroying the Sisters would require destroying the things you love.

Let’s look at the individual Sisters themselves, as their designs all have symbolic meaning. The Sisters of the East and South are obviously meant to twist symbols of Deltora. The Sister of the East is a Dragon Egg and the Sister of the South was a mockery of the Gems. The Sister of the West was described as a “jellyfish-like” creature, creamy colored with grey and pink brains, and dwelled inside Doran’s body. I’ll admit I’m mostly inspired by @doomofthehills artistic interpretation, but I think this Sister is meant to represent a human heart- Doran’s heart. I’m not quite sure what to make of the Sister of the North. We know the Shadow Lord likes snakes, but they don’t really represent anything to Deltora in general. The Sister is described as pale, bloated, and lacking a mouth or eyes. Is it just me, or does that sound like a giant earthworm? All of the Sisters are uglier versions of something natural to Deltora, fitting the theme of making the land destroy itself.

The placement of the Sisters is also significant. Despite being restricted to the furthest reaches of the land, the Sisters were all hidden somewhere significant to Deltoran culture. The Sister of the East was hidden in Dragon’s Nest, mocking the graves of the only creatures that could destroy it. The Sister of the North was in the place closes to the Shadowlands, and had the most organized minions looking after it. By comparison, the Sister of the West was totally isolated, on an abandoned island covered in preserving slime, bordering the unknown sea. It was a last insult to its unwilling guardian, showing the explorer the mysteries of lands beyond. And of course the final Sister was hidden right under the royal family’s nose, in the room of their castle most associated with grief. The Shadow Lord also made sure the Sisters would be found in a certain order. First Lief had to go east and encounter the ferocity of the dragons he would need as his allies. Then he had to venture close to the Shadowlands, dogged by the Shadow Lord’s agents. Then he had to go to the edge of Deltora itself to learn a horrible secret, preserved for years. This was meant to push him to his emotional breaking point when he returned home to find that the capital of Deltora itself was rotting at the core.

Each of the Sisters have several common patterns between them. The first is their warning stones, telling a rhyme that gets more personal as each Sister is discovered. I find it significant that the stone at the Isle of the Dead was partially eroded by the surf, as that was the Sister with the least defense. And the one in Del was a personal challenge to the king, and blinded anyone who struck it in anger. It also foreshadows the true endgame, the Grey Tide. The map fragments have similar rhymes with a similar meaning, hinting that there is more to the Sisters than meets the eye, and making the reader question exactly how sure they are about their actions. The Sisters of the East and North warned about their power, while the West and South warned about something even worse. The “song” each Sister sings is the same, unnatural ringing sound, overwhelming any natural creature with fatigue and despair the closer they got. Curiously, Lief was immune to this at first with the Sister of the South, which he first saw as beautiful and tempting. I imagine this is how each of the guardians saw their Sister.

The guardians of the Sisters were unlike any other antagonists in the series, and each had common patterns too. They were each ordinary Deltorans, capable of great power but hiding in plain sight. Interestingly, all four guardians are initially misidentified by Lief. He thought the Sister of the East was guarded by Joyeu, the Sister of the North was guarded by Bede, the Sister of the West was guarded by Ava, and the Sister of the South by Paff’s Creature. In each case the true guardian was somebody already known to Lief, but someone he had dismissed. Each Guardian was also a victim, projecting their own grief and misery onto the whole country. However, Doran twists these patterns. He was dismissed by Lief, but only because he was presumed dead for years. (Note that every time Doran is mentioned it is said that he must have died years ago, foreshadowing the dark truth.) Doran is also the only true victim, put in this horrible position through no fault of his own. The Shadow Lord chose these people to make Deltora complicit in its own destruction, using products of the failures of history to bring its final failure about.

I’d like to talk for a moment about Laughing Jack, who can be thought of as a pseudo guardian. Like the others he is a citizen of Deltora and a product of its failings, and he’s more of an antagonist in Isle of the Dead than Doran. Lief even mentions him alongside Rolf and Kirsten in his moment of doubt. However, Laughing Jack breaks the patterns of the others. He is a willing and unrepentant servant of the Shadow Lord, seeking to increase his own power. He doesn’t blame anybody else for what he has become, and doesn’t feel sorry for himself. So I’ve omitted him for similar reasons to why I omitted Thaegan from my last essay: he’s not part of the tapestry being painted by the other guardians. It’s fitting that the Shadow Lord would enlist a nomad for a scheme requiring his other agents to stay in a specific place. As Lief travels to the furthest edges of Deltora, he is pursued by a man with no home, and no loyalty to his homeland. Laughing Jack travels the land to look for new victims and to escape his past. Unfortunately, following our heroes across the land gave it the opportunity to catch up with him.

Join me next time as we take a deeper dive into four of the most tragic characters in Deltora Quest....

#deltora #deltora quest

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peekychu · 5 years

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The history of my fursonas! 🐱

I’m in an especially infodump-y mood at the moment and I watched a video about fursonas that inspired me (Shoutout to Pocari Roo’s channel!) so here we go ^o^

Click under the cut to read the whole enchilada! (It’s a long post, make sure you have the appetite for it first xD)

I first learned about the furry fandom in about 2013-14 from some friends at school! Granted, the two teenage boys I talked to a lot were more obsessed with the... sexual side of that xD I won’t go into that though because that would involve me talking about more uncomfortable stuff >.> I also had another friend that was such a huge influence to me and they’re a big reason that I still draw fuzzy animals to this day! Their fursona at the time was named Icy and I thought that character was the freakin’ coolest. I remember going home after talking to them, filled with inspiration and making my very first fursona!

Her original name was Rogue Feather, but the name Scarlett came later and ultimately stuck way better! Her design was simple, a red fox with a purple bandana! Not much thought was put into her, I just put together what I thought a typical fursona would look like :P I didn’t draw her much since I was way more focused on MLP and my ponysona Starfruit, but I still enjoyed doodling her!

Shortly after Scarlett, I created Citrus the cat! To be honest, she didn’t really represent me other than being a cat xD Her design was actually based off of a girl that I had a crush on at that time, but that’s a whole other story >.>

Also, it was coincidental that Twinkie has elements from both of these beginning characters, I just noticed that making this post! I learned that I loved cats from creating citrus, and I loved drawing Scarlett’s wings and bandanas so I suppose it was natural that my current fursona would have all of these traits :P

Well, months pass after posting the first drawings of Citrus and Scarlett on my Instagram, and at this point I decided to try taking up digital art! I downloaded FireAlpaca for free (still my program of choice x3) and worked really hard at drawing with only my mouse!

My friend that inspired me to draw more furry characters had changed their fursona over from a bright sparkledog-ish color scheme to another character with muted browns and oranges. Inspired once again, I designed another cat character to represent myself!

Meet Macchiato (or Mac for short)! They were made when I switched my focus from My Little Pony to furry characters, and I moved from Instagram to DeviantArt as my main art site.

When I made Mac, I was close to beginning high school and I questioned a lot about my identity, mainly my gender and sexuality :P For a period of time, I pushed aside my adoration for ponies, Pokemon and colorful things in favor of things I thought were “cooler” and more boyish. A large part of this was my complicated relationship with my gender identity, but also because I thought I had to act more mature... so I expressed this by drawing myself as a cat? It was complicated xD

Anyways, while I have a soft spot for Mac, they’re sort of my own Rex Dangervest if that makes sense :P I mean, they were my first expression of feeling neutral to gender which was a big deal for me, but when I look at their drab colors it sort of makes me sad that I didn’t have much fun designing them. (I did have a blast drawing that pixel reference though, I remember that xD)

I also created a few more furry characters just for the fun of it! I won’t post pictures of all of them for the sake of length, but they were Chamomile the fennec fox, Minx the cat, Caira the alien dog, Pfeffer the bunny, Flicker the bat (who I should draw again sometime >.>) Mitzi the dog and... Whatever animal Skyler was supposed to be xD I made all these characters before I attempted to make a fursona that I felt more connected with...

Along came Clash the cat, an even more depressing character than Mac for me to look at xD I was considerably depressed at this point from the pressure of high school and my identity issues, the droopy eyelids and chaotic color scheme of him sort of reflect this.

It’s a good thing you can’t read his description in that screenshot, Believe me, but I think I should quote a part of it because it greatly represents how I felt about myself during the time period when I made him.

“If you were to dissect his brain, you’d see something much like somebody’s tangled collection of thread and yarn. Colorful, unkept, and full of pushed aside potential.”

Ouch!!

Well, after a period of depressing fursonas I played that one cat icon creator game that circulated on Tumblr for a while, and I made my favorite old fursona! I think that he had a lot in common with Twinkie and I used them more than everyone else beforepaw.

Here’s Cetrada, my little Nickelodeon slime cat xD I named them after the Italian citron-flavored soda that my friend Francesca (Love ya buddy!) sent to me in the mail! That soda is actually spelled Cedrata, the misspelling of the name was not a creative choice but an actual dumb mistake xP

I genuinely still love this character, I nicknamed them Limey since it’s simple and cutesy like them, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever use them again. Think of them as teenage Twinkie I guess xD I love ya Cetrada, you were a good kitty <3

Eventually Cetrada grew stale for me and I went through a couple of other fursonas. I don’t have much to say about them since they were pretty short lived, but I’ll post a single picture of each of them! I’m getting a bit tired of making mini collages of them anyways :P

While Reese’s design and colors are a bit awkward, I genuinely adore their mini companion Mallow the bat :P They look like pistachio pudding, what a cutie!

Ugh, this fursona stresses me out to look at too xD I mean arguably they’re the closest in design to Twinkie (yellow cat with angel wings and star knee markings) but they remind me of a rough time I suppose? I drew a couple pictures of them looking more sexualized and with a more slim body type when in reality I was overweight and scared of intimacy... they just remind me of an unhealthy period of my life @_@ I must have felt that too though, I dropped this fursona pretty quickly.

I do actually like Kit even though I used him very briefly, I was starting to have WAY more fun with bright colors in my drawings! Sure he’s a bit too pastel 2015 Tumblr, but I do still like that pink and yellow combo ^w^

Eventually I grew sick of my DeviantArt and mostly just posted art on my main Tumblr where I got super into the kidcore scene! I had rediscovered my love of fun colors and sparkly eyes, kidcore sparked a new me! I wasn’t doing fantastic in life, but I developed more optimism and a genuine love for simple things which grounded me a lot. This was such a wild part of my life, through reblogging pictures of rainbows and Pokemon and slime I gained over 2,000 followers O.O Two of my closest friends told me that they found me by my influence in the kidcore Tumblr community back around 2016 and were intimidated to talk which is just nuts to me x’D

Anyways I’ll try not to go on a tangent about that anymore, but 2016-17 was wild! I should give a shoutout to my very first sparklesona Cosi, but he was made only barely before my true fursona...

That’s right babey, the one... The only!!!

HE’S FINALLY HERE! Twinkie, the fursona I truly felt a personal connection with. I mean, he’s everything I love bundled into one! Pikachu has been my hugest comfort ever since I was four years old so naturally I would have to incorporate it into my fursona somehow! I also gave him a bandana, my favorite accessory to draw on furry characters, and wings! Of course I love rainbows too so I gave him rainbow wings..... But I tweaked his design since the colored wings made him more bird-like. Nothing against birds of course, but I thought plain white angel wings were simpler and more iconic for him! I did give him a touch of rainbow later with his tag design! I also scrapped his red dot eyebrows and his tail bandana, but overall I loved the character I made! I was thrilled to have a fun cartoon kitty that I could use to express myself :3

Before him my only true-feeling ‘sona was Starfruit the pegasus, it was fulfilling because I feel like when I made Twinkie, I started to find myself!

Twinkie did go through a couple redesigns including a semi-drastic color change sometime in early 2018, but I really do feel content with the way he looks right now! In Twinkie I see friendliness, optimism, and a caring heart which is what I strive for! He represents the journeys I took to be more comfortable with myself and he radiates the confidence that I hope to achieve one day as well >:3 I mean it is possible I could change him for a new fursona or even flat out drop him in the future, but after 3 strong years I think Twinkie will stay a part of me for a while ^w^

Anyways, if you’ve read all of this, THANK YOU!! This was a really personal post and I think it’s fascinating to look at my own self progression this way, I hope somebody gained something from this but if it was just for me that’s okay too xD

If anyone read all of this looong post and wants to make a similar post, PLEASE tag me! I’ve been so interested in fursonas and how people see/represent themselves through cartoon animals, isn’t it a wild phenomenon??

If you don’t feel like making a big post like I did though, you should reply with some cool facts about your fursona or count how many you’ve made in the past xD That would be rad <3

#speakachu #fursona #boy this was quite the project of a post! it was really nice for me to do though #i sort of relived my whole teenage life while making this.. glad the post ended on a good note ^w^#twinkie and i plan on moving forward and striving for an even better life!

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nadziejastar · 5 years

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I know u like Isa and Lea, but did you enjoy any other of the Nobodies? Their personalities?

Oh yeah. I pretty much liked all the Organization. They just never got developed that much. Heck, even Lea and Isa never got their whole backstory shown and are still underdeveloped as characters. Which is sad. I found the Organization politics so interesting, too. It’s why I became kind of obsessed with the weapons in 358/2 Days. They had such specific names, shapes and colors that I knew they HAD to have some secret deeper meaning. And since BBSV2 was cancelled, I knew that we were most likely NEVER going to learn about what those secrets were. But I wanted to figure it out to learn more about them…all of them.

For instance, Luxord is so cool, yet he’s a total mystery. I like his demeanor and how he was sad when he lost half the poker league in Days. He never truly seemed like a bad guy, either. It’s a shame that we may never get to learn more about him. I’m sure there was stuff to be revealed about him. He was one of Nomura’s favorites, after all. There’s no way I can see him joining the Seekers of Darkness willingly. I think he was always supposed to be in the New Organization, but for a different reason than KH3 gives. Well, KH3 didn’t actually give one, but whatever. I think he wasn’t there willingly, and that’s why he was so happy when Sora defeated him and freed his heart.

I would have loved to learn more about Lexaeus, too. He didn’t seem to be thatbad. He was tending to Even and Dilan after they woke up. And I think he genuinely wanted to help Lea when he was looking for Isa. He seemed like he might have felt guilty about everything that happened. And somewhat concerned when Lea said he was going to go look for them. Ienzo and Lexaeus were rather low-ranking members. Lea seemed tolerate them in a way I doubt he would have with Braig, for instance.

What on earth was happening within the hearts of my six beloved apprentices? While pursuing the mystery of the darkness of the heart, could they themselves have strayed into its depths?

Speaking of Braig…I love Xigbar. He’s such a smug and unapologetic asshole. But he’s so cool at the same time. He always seems like he’s having so much fun. I really hated how it was revealed that he was Luxu because I thought Braig was such an interesting villain. He was just an ordinary guard and apprentice. Probably not a very nice guy, but not actively harming anyone, either. Ansem the Wise cared about all of his apprentices and trusted them. Even Braig. Then Xehanort comes along and offers him power. The Keyblade. And that’s all it takes to turn him into such a monster.

Day 355: Mind

The gears of Xemnas’ plans have begun to spin wild since the loss of half our membership at Castle Oblivion. The results are there, but can this state of affairs fairly be called a success? If Kingdom Hearts can be said to possess a mind of its own, it is surely rejecting Xemnas—no, rejecting Xehanort. Roxas left the Organization today.

He knows full well that Xehanort wants to access Kingdom Hearts and pretty much end the world as we know it. And he doesn’t give a DAMN. This entry is entitled “Mind”. Xigbar talks about Kingdom Hearts having a mind of its own, and rejecting Xehanort. He is aware that what Xemnas is doing is wrong.

And this doesn’t seem to be the first time he has pondered something having a mind of its own, either. The mind of Kingdom Hearts rejects Xehanort. The whole concept is quite similar to the way they tried to get the mind to renounce its sense of self, so that the vessel couldn’t reject Xehanort’s heart. I definitely think this was a subtle reference to the mind control experiments.

Xigbar: Man, does that Xehanort scare me like nobody’s business, the way he can see into minds. And it doesn’t help that no one knows what it is that the old man wants. I wonder if even you know what’s going on inside your own head.

I believed him when he said that Xehanort scared him. He doesn’t know what Xehanort is really after by causing the Apocalypse (we never get to learn either). But he goes along with him for his own selfish reasons. I was very disappointed that Xigbar’s personality was revealed to be Luxu putting on an act the whole time. No, I simply refuse to accept that.

Then the seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared to sound them. The first angel sounded his trumpet, and there came hail and fire mixed with blood, and it was hurled down on the earth. A third of the earth was burned up, a third of the trees were burned up, and all the green grass was burned up.

—Revelation 8:6-7

I admit, I couldn’t help but laugh when I read the KHwiki descriptions for some of the characters’ Mystery Gear weapons, which are said to draw forth the wielder’s personality. These were clearly meant to tell you something important about each of them. The wiki description for Xigbar’s Trumpet said that it may be a reference to his tendency to “toot his own horn”.

I think the trumpet had FAR more significance than that. The trumpet is a symbol. It’s the harbinger of the Apocalypse, to be exact. Xigbar and Xemnas are the only ones with Biblical references in their weapons. Even the concept of 7 Lights and 13 Darknesses is mostly Biblical in origin.

Seven is the number of completeness and perfection, both physical and spiritual. It derives much of its meaning from being tied directly to God’s creation of all things. There are 7 days in a week and God’s Sabbath is on the 7th day. The Bible, as a whole, was originally divided into 7 major divisions. The number 13 is symbolic of rebellion and lawlessness. 13 represents all the governments created by men, and inspired by Satan, in outright rebellion against the Eternal.

Ruler of the skies, protector of the stars, the Ultima Weapon will appear and destroy any threat it perceives. It has shot down countless airships, man’s means to reach the heavens. The stars align against us…

Final Weapon is another apocalyptic reference. Its design is based on the Ultima Weapon from FFVII. And we know how fond Nomura is of that game. I am quite fond of it, too. The Ultimate Weapon of Final Fantasy VII is one of the five Weapons created by the planet as a defense mechanism. It was released from its slumber in the North Crater after Sephiroth summons a giant meteor in an attempt to bring about the Apocalypse.

Then there’s Cupid’s Arrow, which is green, possibly as a reference to the Heart chakra. We all know who Cupid is. He shoots people with arrows and they fall in love. However, Cupid also has a devious side. His gold-tipped arrows are what link people in love. However, he can fire lead-tipped arrows, which cause people to feel indifference or hatred. This side of Cupid is not very well-known. As for Xigbar’s weapon, the bullets produce dark sparks on contact with enemies and gold ones on contact with anything else. Hmm.

Recollections

Am I alive? I awoke in a cell, alone until the researchers came with their tests and their prodding to uncover my identity. I had no answer to offer them. Four friends, and a key…that is the sum total of my memory. I could not even recall my name. I was simply called “X” there. My only solace was the time I spent talking with the two boys who would visit from time to time. One day, a man came to take me from the prison. I could not see him for the darkness, save that he wore an eyepatch. Even now, years on, I feel no closer to understanding who or what I am.May my heart be my guiding key.

—Unknown

I make it no secret that I think Isa was originally Subject X. And who is the last person Subject X remembers before their memory cuts off? Braig. Wouldn’t surprise me if Xigbar gave Isa the X-shaped scar. Other than Xemnas, he was the only one in the Organization who was confirmed to know about Xemnas’ desire to turn people into vessels. I think Even probably knew as well, but I just can’t see him giving Isa the scar.

Xemnas disappeared nearly before he heard his order acknowledged.

“Don’t let us down now, kiddo. Shouldn’t be too much trouble without a heart,” Xigbar told Saïx.

Then he was gone, too. Alone in the Round Room, Saïx raised his eyes to the high domed ceiling.

Braig? Definitely. I think he was the main abuser of Isa. I think he used a “lead arrow,” so to speak, and turned Isa’s love into hatred and indifference.

Saïx: Something at Castle Oblivion changed you. Does the past mean nothing to you now?

Since Saïx had Isa’s memories, he no doubt would have told Axel who his main abuser was. Not to mention Braig probably abused Lea as well.

Given the right memories, the Replica could mimic the powers of the original. Which meant that if he were implanted with somebody else’s memories, he would, hypothetically, gain other powers. Somebody’s—or maybe even a Nobody’s. He had one particular Nobody in mind. All the members of the Organization were still influenced by the memories of their human lives.

Personally, I think Axel was talking about Xigbar here in the novel. I definitely think Axel wanted revenge on Xigbar. And I like that Cupid’s Arrow is Ultimate Gear. In that same weapon class is Saïx’s Horoscope, which has the symbols for Venus and Cancer. Venus in Cancer is basically the astrological correspondence of ultimate love and affection. If it shows up in your horoscope, your love life is looking good.

Another one of Xigbar’s weapons is called Crime and Punishment. It refers to an 1866 novel by the Russian author Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It is about the mental anguish of a destitute man plotting to murder an unscrupulous pawnbroker who ripped him off, and contemplating whether or not going through with the plan will be worth the risks involved.

He grows increasingly his nihilistic, and believes that killing would benefit society, therefore justifying that crime and others. After committing murders, his isolation grows because of his intense guilt and the half-delirium into which his guilt throws him. Over and over again, the man pushes away the people who are trying to help him, and then suffers the consequences. In the end, he finds the total alienation that he has brought upon himself intolerable.

Day 117: Him and Roxas

Roxas is maturing at an impressive rate. His face, the way he handles the Keyblade, it’s all exactly the same. The worlds seem so divided and alone, but there’s always that steady thread there to connect them. And we Nobodies can never escape the things we did as humans. So it goes.

Xigbar does seem to have some guilt about what he did to Roxas/Ventus deep down. He says that Nobodies can never escape what they did as humans. He knows that what he’s doing is wrong. Everything he did was so that he could gain Master Xehanort’s Keyblade.

Q: What happens to Lea hereafter now that he has become a Keyblade wielder?

A: Lea, having returned to his human form, chosen by the Keyblade. Does him getting a Keyblade have anything to do with his best friend Roxas? And is there a possibility that Lea’s become one of the protectors of Light?

Yet Lea was able to wield because of how strong his heart was, and due to his desire to save his friends, including Roxas/Ventus and Isa, two people whose lives he helped destroy. And although this idea is never followed up on, in the KH3D Ultimania, Nomura suggested that Roxas had something to do with Lea’s ability to wield the Keyblade.

I’m really not convinced that Xigbar’s suicide at the end was always supposed to just be a ruse. In the original version of the story, I think he actually did decide to end his life. And I would have preferred that outcome rather than “Well, he was never really Braig, and he was just pretending to be a power-hungry bastard the whole time, lololol!”

Axel: Try not to bungle everything while I’m gone.

Xion: Now, why would we do that?

Axel: Well, considering your track record…

Xion: Hey! Don’t make me come over there!

I also really liked Roxas and Xion when i played Days. For me, Xion was everything that Kairi should have been from the beginning. The way Kairi was written always felt unintentionally sexist to me. I think the female writer for Days, Tomoco Kanemaki, really helped in the writing of that game’s female protagonist. It was a very good idea to bring her on board. Plus she’s an excellent writer, based on the KH novels.

Axel: Well, even if things change, we’ll never be apart–

Xion: As long as we remember each other…right? Don’t worry, Axel–we got your hokey speech memorized.

Axel: Just checking.

Xion jokes and teases Roxas and Axel, but never in a mean-spirited way. She’s very pure-hearted, sweet, and feminine. Which can often come across as annoying for me, if the writers are not careful. Kairi was a Princess of Heart. She’s very pure and filled with light. But we were mainly TOLD this fact about her character, rather than being able to see it through her actions. Which came across as…kind of annoying.

But Xion’s character never felt sexist to me. Her interactions with her friends felt far more charming and personable than Kairi’s interactions with Sora and Riku ever did. She was written with such sincerity.

Roxas: Just feels strange, that’s all. Usually, I do all the worrying over you. I don’t think it’s ever been the other way around before.

Xion: Well, for your information… I worry about you all the time, Roxas.

I liked how she responded to Roxas. She worries about him all the time. Kairi also worried about Sora, but she always felt like a passive participant in the story, instead of an active one.

Kairi: Who are you? And that’s not my name. I’m Kairi.

Roxas: Kairi… I know you. You’re that girl he likes.

For the most part, Kairi existed in relation to Sora, and only Sora.

Kairi: What are you going to do with us?

Saïx: You’re the fire that feeds Sora’s anger.

Kairi didn’t get to actually DO things. Things happened TO Kairi. Xion had a lot more agency as a character. You’re invited to put yourself in her shoes, and understand how she’s feeling in a way you never are with Kairi. She’s a subject instead of an object.

Kairi: I can’t help?

Sora: You’d kind of be in my way.

Kairi: Hehe. Okay. You win.

I also liked that Xion being able to fight was just taken for granted by the story. It’s not treated like it’s a big deal, just because she’s a girl. It’s just normal, like how it was with Aqua. On the other hand, Kairi always got treated by everyone like she was made of glass.

Day 352: What I Must Do

Riku gave me this time. Axel told me to spend it thinking for myself. The Organization is determined to erase either me or Roxas. They’ll never allow us to coexist. I love Roxas and Axel. I’m sure Saïx would scoff at that. Call it a trick of my artificial memories. But the time I spent on that clock tower was real. I wish the three of us could stay together, just like this, forever. But I have to end this. I’ll never forget today’s sunset. Even if Roxas and Axel do, I won’t forget.

Xion said that she loved Roxas and Axel. I found that really touching. Kairi was introduced to the story in KH1 mainly as the girl that Sora and Riku were competing for. She was more of love interest than a protagonist.

Kairi: You know, Riku has changed.

Sora: What do you mean?

Kairi: Sora, let’s take the raft and go—just the two of us!

Sora: Huh?

Kairi: Just kidding.

She never had any chemistry with Riku as part of their trio, and her role in the story diminished as his grew. In KH1, Sora and Riku’s animosity towards each other is fueled largely by Riku’s possessiveness toward Kairi, which I didn’t like.

Riku: Deal? The winner gets to share a paopu with Kairi.

Sora: Wha… Wait a minute…

She was treated more like a prize for Sora and Riku to compete over than a valued friend. It just felt sexist to me. And I think it’s why Riku and Kairi barely interacted after KH1. I actually felt very sad when Xion disappeared. I felt an attachment to her, whereas I felt nothing but irritation (at the writers) when Kairi “died”. I connected with Xion in a way I that I was never able to with Kairi, because she was written like a real person instead of love interest.

After playing KH3, my feelings towards Roxas and Xion are…complicated. I know this is kind of an unpopular and controversial opinion in the fandom, but…I didn’t want either Roxas or Xion to come back. Even though I loved them both. Frankly, I don’t think they really “work” as stand-alone characters. Plus I was never fond of all of these identical characters running around simultaneously. Roxas and Sora look and act different enough. But Roxas and Ven? Many people seemed to like the scene where they meet and exchange an awkward glance. But for me it was just…stupid. Plus I think bringing them back ruined the poignancy of their story arcs.

Despite Xion being formed from Sora’s memories of Kairi, she felt very distinct from Kairi, due to the superior dialogue quality in 358/2 Days. This was both a good and bad thing.

Kairi: Who’s this new Riku and where’s the old one?

Riku: New me?

Kairi: Yeah. You’re more like Sora.

Riku: Should I be flattered? I try too hard to be the role model. It’s more fun to just listen to my heart. Which is Sora-esque.

Kairi: Well, we still like you. Master, I came here because I wanted to help somehow. What can I do?

Honestly, I was just hoping that Kairi would have been written more like Xion going forward. I didn’t actually want to see Xion come back. I think that was always the plan, since Kairi certainly was in need of better characterization. And after Days, Kairi’s personality actually was more like Xion. I found her far more charming in KH2.8 and KH3 than I ever found her to be in any of the other games. They tried to give her more chemistry with Riku, who is supposed to be one of her best friends. I know the damage had been done by this point, but I appreciated scenes like this nonetheless.

Lea: Now that we’re going back, I’m worried about everything.

Kairi: Well, you don’t have to worry alone anymore, Axel.

I found her relationship with Lea so enjoyable, too. She was like his little sister. Kairi’s relationship with Lea felt just like Xion’s relationship with him. Xion promised she’d never forget Axel, after all. Unfortunately, this had the effect of making Xion’s return feel even more unnecessary and redundant to me. I feel the same way about Roxas.

A common opinion I hear is that Roxas is so much “darker” than Ventus, and therefore they cannot possibly be the same person. I agree that Roxas showed a darker side to his personalty than Ventus did. After all, Ventus had his darkness artificially extracted from him. But my response is: that’s what character development is for. What, did everyone think that Ven was going to remain the same naive kid until the very end the story? Even if he regained his memories as Roxas? Even after learning that Xemnas was Terra?

What was the whole point of Vanitas then? He’s Ven’s shadow self. These games are heavily inspired by Jungian philosophy, very much like the Persona series actually. Probably why I love both series so much. They even have the yellow eyes thing in common. The boss fight in KH3 was against Aqua’s shadow self. She was the embodiment of all the repressed, subconscious dark thoughts Aqua would be too ashamed to admit consciously.

Part of her IS angry at Mickey for abandoning her back then. She IS filled with so much despair that she wants others to feel it, too. That’s what made her shadow so interesting. I wish we had gotten to fight Shadow Terra, Shadow Riku, Shadow Isa, etc. I’m sure they’d have plenty of interesting things to say.

Quasimodo: Master Frollo–he made me live inside the bell tower, but the real walls were the ones I built around my heart. You helped me see that, Riku.

Riku: I was…speaking from…personal experience.

Phoebus: I’d say you still keep a lot locked inside.

Esmeralda: We all do that sometimes. There are just some things we need to keep separate from the world at large, at least until we have time to figure them out.

Personally, I never felt like Riku was finished dealing with his pain. His character arc was far from over. I think he needed to confront his feelings of jealousy towards Sora and his shame over getting possessed by Xehanort’s Heartless. What Dark Riku was saying in KH3 had some truth to it. Riku was always so competitive towards Sora because he felt inferior to him. Learning his darkness was part-Terra would definitely help him forgive himself. Of course that never happened.

Xehanort: Master Eraqus, you see, is so afraid of darkness, that he too, hassuccumbed–not to darkness, but to light. It shines so bright, he forgets thatlight begets darkness. And Aqua and Ventus, their lights shine too bright. It is only natural that they cast shadows on your heart.

Part of Terra does believe that Aqua and Ven are too bright for him. He pushed them away because they made him feel ashamed of himself. I’m sure his shadow self would try to push Ventus away while he tried to use the power of waking on him.

That would have been the perfect time to introduce the idea of Saïx’s jealousy. Let’s assume they stuck with the idea that Isa sacrificed himself for Lea. I tweaked his dialogue a tiny bit:

Saïx: “I sacrificed everything for you. You’re the one who went off and made other friends. Left me in the dust. I lost…all sense of purpose.”

Personally, I don’t think Saïx himself was jealous of Lea’s friendships with Roxas and Xion. Shadow Isa would be another story entirely, though. His captured heart was influencing Saïx subconsciously. I think that was why Anti-Saïx was included as a boss in 358/2 Days, along with Anti-Riku.

Saïx:“Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.”

I absolutely think he’d feel abandoned and forgotten by Lea. Axel left the Organization to chase after Roxas, while his heart was still left in Xehanort’s clutches. I think his shadow self would have a lot to say on that matter.

Aqua: A pure heart filled with light… It’s strange, The Master taught medarkness needs to be destroyed. But how, if not with light?

Fairy Godmother: Oh, my dear, you’re too young to know. Experience more things, and you’ll find the answer. Just trust in your dreams.

BBS was trying to send the message that darkness isn’t necessarily bad. OBVIOUSLY Ven was going to have to face his dark side and accept it as part of himself, too. That’s what Jungian psychology is all about. Of course like so many other things, that never happened. Probably because Roxas’ return made it pointless, if he’s supposed to be the “dark” one.

Part of me is surprised (and relieved) they didn’t redeem Vanitas and give HIM his very own replica, too. But yeah. These games are BIG on Jungian philosophy. Well, Xion and Roxas were envisioned as personas of other characters—not unique characters unto themselves. And that’s all they ever felt like to me. I never understood the idea that they deserved to be their “own people”. They already were.

To me, what made Roxas and Xion valuable to the story, was that they were alter egos of two of the main characters: the Guardians of Light, Kairi and Ventus. Even though they disappeared, their character arcs would have continued on. They would have given those two characters SO much additional development if they had been accepted and reintegrated as personas of Ven and Kairi. What does having BOTH Kairi and Xion around offer to the story? What does having BOTH Roxas and Ventus offer?

Naminé: One day, Sora will have to call them to the surface. They’re important memories…but very dangerous ones.

Mickey: Dangerous how?

Naminé: These memories are too painful. Handled the wrong way, they could damage Sora’s heart–even break it. I needed you to find a way to face that kind of hurt. That’s why I left the message.

Sora was supposed to confront the memories in his heart. The people’s whose memories were inside of him needed relief. The memories needed to go back to their rightful place: Kairi and Ventus. And Ansem the Wise’s experiments were all about the heart and its connection to memory. Sora was robbed of meaningful character development because of this, too. He never confronted these painful memories nor did he have the opportunity to grow from it.

I agree with Nomura. I think there ARE “too many” characters. It prevented them from getting properly developed. KH3 had little in the way of meaningful character development. And I doubt Nomura can really give Ven or Kairi much in the way of interesting development now that their alter egos are back. Their relationships with Lea already got sidelined. Ventus’ was even worse than Kairi’s, though.

Ven: Already?

Lea: I’ll see ya when I see ya. After all, we’re friends now. Get it memorized.

Ven: Okay, Lea.

Lea’s comment made Ventus very happy. Immediately afterwards, Lea tells Isa that inside people’s memories, he can live forever. This exchange felt very meaningful. I do believe that Axel took such a liking to Roxas in Days because he recognized him as Ventus. Yet what was the impact of their fateful meeting?

Lea: You remember me?

Ventus: Yeah, ‘course! We’re friends. I can’t believe you became a Keyblade wielder just like me.

Lea: Yeah…

Sora: Axel, you know Ven?

Ventus: Axel? Who’s Axel?

Lea: See, see, see? Major brain-ache.

It was rendered so…pointless thematically. Lea was obviously fine with Ven being Roxas. He was clearly hoping that Ven would remember their time together in the Organization. But ‘twas not to be. It honestly felt to me like much of Axel’s dialogue in KH3 was just Nomura parodying how ridiculous the story has become. Nomura even said in an interview that he has a hard time remembering who’s met who. It’s like he just threw his hands up and didn’t even care anymore. So he’s turning everything into a big joke.

Axel’s whole character arc in KH2 was trying to bring back Roxas, then deciding he had no right to turn Sora back into a Nobody. He sacrificed himself to atone for his actions. Of course, it wouldn’t feel right to simply have Axel form a friendship with Sora to carry on his friendship with Roxas. They were too different. Ventus’ story arc was the perfect way to bring Roxas’ heart back, allowing Lea focus on a new goal this time: bringing back Isa. As I mentioned earlier, Nomura implied that it was Roxas who gave Lea the ability to use the Keyblade.

Roxas: Hey, Axel. You haven’t forgotten? You made us a promise.

Axel: I did?

Roxas: That you’d always be there…to bring us back.

Axel: “Oh yeah…”

Roxas: “Got it memorized?”

Axel: “The promise of two best friends.”

I think that’s why he had a dream of Roxas before he woke up. Roxas’ legacy as a Nobody was to pass on the ability to wield the Keyblade to his best friend Axel. Then Axel would be reborn as Lea and reunite with Roxas, who would be reborn as Ventus. Neither knew each other’s past in Days. Roxas had amnesia and Axel kept everything secret.

Axel: You really think the truth is going to make you feel better? It won’t.

Roxas: What makes you so sure? I have a right to know who I am! How did I get here? Why am I special? Where did I learn to use the Keyblade? I deserve those answers!

Axel: Roxas…

Roxas: Are you gonna tell me or not? Axel… Who am I?

Axel: You’ve just gotta trust me, Roxas.

Roxas: I don’t.

Axel: Hey, c'mon…

Roxas: If I can’t get answers here, I’ll get them somewhere else. Somebody knows where I came from. That’ll be the person I trust.

Axel said that learning about his past wouldn’t make Roxas feel any better. Maybe that’s true. Maybe not. But the real reason Axel didn’t want Roxas to know about his past because he was afraid that Roxas would leave him. Although his reasons were sympathetic, Axel was wrong to lie to Roxas. And he knew he was wrong. He felt guilty about lying. Roxas did have a right to know the truth. This creates a chasm between them and it is the ultimate cause of their relationship falling apart.

Roxas: I wonder what kind of guy I was before…

In KH3, it felt like the characters were being forced into stasis and not allowed to truly grow or mature. If anything, they were regressing. In Days, Roxas didn’t WANT to be his “own person”. He wanted to learn about his life and identity before becoming a Nobody. He was jealous that Axel had memories of his past before the Organization. So the idea of Roxas coming back and having no real past or life history outside of the one year he spent as an Organization member just didn’t sit right with me.

And Roxas and Axel will never have to overcome the issues that made their relationship fail in the first place. Axel needed to accept that it was okay for Roxas to remember his past before the Organization. And Roxas needed to trust Axel. If Axel was reborn as Lea and Roxas was reborn as Ventus, they’d finally learn each other’s past and find out that they have so much in common. A loved one from their past is being used as Xehanort’s vessel. Then they’d be able to develop a much more open and healthy relationship and grow a lot closer.

Ventus: You’re here…

Terra: I heard you too, Ven. You found me, just like you promised.

Ven made a promise to Terra that he’d be there when Terra really needed him. And Axel made a promise to Roxas that he’d always be there to bring them back. It was a promise of two best friends. Immediately afterwards, Lea goes and searches for Isa. He still didn’t know at that point that Isa was Xehanort’s vessel. But his friendship with Roxas inspired him to not give up on any of his best friends. In KH3, it could be shown that Axel’s loyalty inspired Ventus to keep his promise to Terra, too. Then their meeting in BBS would have actually been meaningful.

In KH3 we just get a rehash of KH2 where Axel is looking for Roxas. Only this time he makes no progress on that goal, nor does he develop as a person along the way like he did in KH2. He just felt so utterly useless to the story. Literally everyone in real life I know who played KH3 complained about how useless and unimportant Axel was. Even Axel acknowledges how useless he is in KH3. My intention is really not to bash Roxas and Xion. I liked them. But since Lea and Isa are my favorite characters, I admit I do have quite a bit of saltiness towards the preferential treatment Roxas and Xion received from the story in KH3.

Their return just felt so…contrived. I didn’t even find the trio’s reunion emotional due to how forced it was. Xion just randomly shows up out of nowhere and starts bawling, and Axel brings up ice cream. It felt like the writers were trying way too hard to make the scene emotional. But it had the opposite effect on me. That scene came across as cringe-worthy because it felt so pandering and fanservice-y. And now they need DLC just to properly explain why they are back.

—Was Lea insisting on being called Axel so that when Roxas came back he would recognize him?

Nomura: Yes, but also because when he saw Kairi as Xion, he remembered that there was someone he was supposed to remember, which made him feel that being called “Axel” was important.

I also have mixed feelings about Lea wanting to be called “Axel” and staying in his Organization cloak.

Mickey: But gosh, I didn’t expect you to save us…Axel.

Lea: Axel didn’t. My name is Lea.

In KH3D, he made a big deal about his name being “Lea”, not “Axel”.

Lea: Axel? Please. The name’s Lea. Got it memorized?

I don’t think it was really necessary, but I can see him maybe wanting Kairi to call him Axel if he subconsciously remembers her as Xion. But everyone else?

Riku: Why are you here, Axel?

Lea: No, I told you my name’s– Agh, whatever, Axel, fine. Now let’s get outta here!

It annoyed him when they still called him “Axel”. He only tolerated it begrudgingly. After all, it’s the name Xehanort gave him to symbolize the death of “Lea”. I don’t think he’d be too fond of going by that name at all, especially once he learned the full truth about the Recusant’s Sigil.

Originally, I think he wanted to stay in the black cloak because of Isa. That makes total sense to me. But since that idea was scrapped, it felt more like Square was afraid of having his character go by a different name or look too different from before, since people who haven’t played any of the games since KH2 might be put off by that.

Then, there was the final boss battle with Saïx. Roxas and Xion are back now. And honestly I had no idea how the game wanted me to feel about Isa at that point. It may have sounded like an afterthought, but Lea still said he wanted to bring him home, too. Am I supposed to care about him as a friend of Lea? Or am I supposed to take pleasure in seeing Roxas and Xion “clobber” him, the same way I’m supposed to when Sora defeats Xehanort?

Roxas and Xion are popular characters; I get that. I knew how much fan demand there was to bring them back. And it concerned me because I couldn’t imagine how they could return in a way that actually made any sense. And it was as I suspected. We got the stupid Replica nonsense in KH3 to make it happen. But it was way worse than I feared. They had to throw Isa’s entire character arc by the wayside to make room for Roxas and Xion.

Roxas, Axel, and Xion get a tearful reunion, but poor Isa was just left as a vessel… totally forgotten about. Lea said that he never forgot Isa, but he did. Sometime between KH3D and KH3, to be precise. Roxas and Xion even look at him with pity. I almost got the sense that the scene was meta-commentary. Like Roxas and Xion felt guilty about how badly his character had to be destroyed to allow them a place in the story. And Isa certainly did get left in the dust in order to focus on Lea’s other friends, who had more popularity in the fandom.

In canon Isa suffers from a bad reputation, because of how Saïx treated Roxas and Xion. But it was plain as day to me that Isa in BBS was NOTHING like Saïx! I always assumed that was the whole point of meeting Lea and Isa in BBS. To show how different they were as humans—especially Isa. The audience never knew that Saïx in KH2 was just a vessel for Xehanort, and neither did Axel. If the truth had been revealed, it would have been a pretty cool plot twist actually.

Despite it being both obvious and heavily implied, the story never even clearly stated that Isa was NOT Saïx. That he was possessed by Xehanort. That he was a victim. The Recusant’s Sigil on his face literally means “death”. And since that concept got thrown in the trash, so did Isa’s character arc. We are never even told how he got his scar. And his personality never goes back to the way it was in BBS, either. It’s funny to me that people thought Roxas was so different from Ventus that he deserved to be his own person. If there was any character who had nothing in common with their Nobody and deserved to be their own person, it was Isa, not Roxas. Axel and Saïx both admit how much he’s changed.

Even in that short scene, it was not hard to see what kind of person Isa was. He was introverted and had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. But when he smiled at Lea playing with Ventus, you could tell that he was kindhearted. He was just reserved, and reluctant to express his feelings openly. He’s shy, but with Lea around, he’s able to come out of his shell and share a laugh with Ventus while they tease him. So yeah, in my opinion Isa is dead. In KH3, we get left with a watered down Saïx taking on the role of “Isa”, even though they were nothing alike.

The moment where Xemnas is going to finish off Lea, is when Saïx should have saved him, proving that Isa’s heart was still in there, and that he never forgot Lea, just like he said all those years ago. That was Isa’s crowning moment. The very moment that would earn his place eating ice cream with everyone in the epilogue.

Roxas and Xion stole the thunder from not only Isa, but Kairi too. During what should have been her crowning moment: her first major battle. She was so useless and forgotten in her own fight. Her only real contribution is getting kidnapped. Then she was killed off! Apparently to justify Namine coming back? I guess? I was so looking forward to Kairi finally becoming a more well-rounded character. Man, was that a let down. My sisters despise Kairi. They were raging during the ending. They think she’s such an insult as a female protagonist, lol. I just think it’s sad. Kairi DID have potential. But unfortunately it was mostly all wasted…

I love most of the KH characters. But I have NEVER seen a character get shafted by a story as badly as Isa. Even Kairi was treated (marginally) better by the narrative. It was the main inspiration for this blog and why a disproportionate amount of my posts are about Isa and/or his relationship to Lea. In KH3, Skuld took his backstory, Roxas took his role as the friend who Lea would need to bring back, and Xion took his crowning moment of redemption. It was so insulting how the story treated him. I’m sure even the creator of Xion, Tomoco Kanemaki, would be disappointed in how Isa got treated. I could tell by the way she writes the novels that she liked Isa, as well as Xion.

#kh meta #kh saix #anti-kh3 #kh xigbar #kh xion #kh roxas #kh axel #kh lea #kh kairi #kh isa #kingdom hearts meta

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xharmonizer98x-blog · 5 years

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7 Secrets of Wedding Photographers

Wedding picture takers are close by about each snapshot of your big day. They're snapping without end at your most private minutes: your first look at the individual you intend to be with always, your grin as you're at long last marry, and your underlying advance onto that move floor. However, what amount do you truly think about how they work—and for what reason they're so costly?

1. THEY WISH YOU'D ASK FOR THEIR HELP.

Particularly with regards to the timetable for the huge day. "I'd include more opportunity for photographs," says Gina Cristine, proprietor and picture taker with Gina Cristine photography in the Chicago territory. Ordinarily, the lady of the hour and husband to be expect the picture takers simply need 15 minutes for family photographs, she says. Yet, those family photographs could without much of a stretch take 30 minutes, in light of the fact that a relative is continually absent. "We have to ensure we have enough time, and that we're not hurried and feverish," Cristine clarifies.

2. THEY ALSO WISH YOU ACTUALLY ASKED ABOUT EXPERIENCE …

This separates the beginners from the experts, Eva Ho, proprietor and picture taker for Eva Ho Photography in Chicago, says. Her ideal inquiry: "How would you manage XX circumstance?" Ho clarifies that since each wedding is one of a kind, you have to discover a picture taker that is ideal for you—and getting some information about experience will enable you to settle on that choice. It will likewise enable you to comprehend the reason you're enlisting an expert wedding picture taker, as opposed to somebody who just fiddles with photography, for your enormous day.

3. … AND ABOUT THEIR STYLE.

Jason Brown, proprietor and picture taker of J. Dark colored Photography in Chicago, says couples dependably get some information about his cost and his accessibility. Be that as it may, he adores it when the discussion swings to his general style and approach, and they become more acquainted with him as a craftsman. "At that point we can comprehend in case we're a decent match," Brown says. "Not a great deal of customers go there, and I wish more customers would get some information about my methodology."

4. Don't hesitate TO ASK WHY THEY CHARGE AS MUCH AS THEY DO.

Indeed, wedding picture takers may charge a couple of thousand dollars for what appears eight hours of work. Be that as it may, they additionally met with you on many occasions previously the wedding. What's more, do you understand how often you messaged? At that point there's the altering procedure. Those photographic artists put a lot a larger number of long stretches of work into those photos than you at any point envisioned. Additionally, that camera gear wasn't free (and it should be overhauled each couple of years). Stacy Able, an Indianapolis-based wedding picture taker with Stacy Able Photography, says she adores it when couples inquire as to why she charges so much, since it offers her the chance to truly clarify everything that goes into shooting a wedding.

5. THEY'RE WATCHING YOUR CHEMISTRY.

At the point when the couple first observes each other at their wedding and they unwind right away, it's an indication that they're going to last, Cristine says. "They truly appreciate the day together."

"I shoot 20 to 30 weddings per year, and I can tell when a few has extremely extraordinary science," Brown says. "It's the point at which they're in a state of harmony with one another and when they're carefree with one another." Once in a while, however, there's the lady of the hour and man of the hour who aren't generally into one another, and don't generally hang out at the wedding. That is a warning—just like the couple who are stressing unendingly over everything being impeccable amid their wedding rather than essentially unwinding and making the most of their enormous day, Cristine notes.

6. THEY LOVE THE PHOTO BOOTHS JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

Indeed, the nature of the photos in there may not be absolutely astounding, however those photograph stalls are so much fun. Furthermore, they even help the picture takers carry out their responsibilities. "Amid the gathering, we go around and take authentic shots, however it's difficult for us to get a gathering shot since individuals are moving,""We like to realize that the photograph corners are there."

7. Be that as it may, THEY DON'T LOVE THOSE TABLE SHOTS.

Going from table to table to intrude on your supper and make you present for a photograph is the most exceedingly terrible piece of shooting a wedding, Ho says.

8. WHEN IT'S TIME TO POSE, LOOK AT THEM, NOT AT ANYONE ELSE.

At weddings nowadays, everybody is taking pictures with their telephones, and it's inspiring increasingly hard to go after the consideration of the lady of the hour and man of the hour. In the event that wedding picture takers don't get those key shots, nonetheless, they've fizzled at their employments. So take a gander at them when they have the cameras up, not at the telephones.

9. When THE WEDDING IS OVER, THEY AREN'T DONE.

Being a wedding picture taker is an all day occupation, and photographic artists work about each day of the week, composes photographic artist Lauren Lim on a site committed to everything photography. At the point when not really shooting weddings, wedding picture takers are altering photographs, meeting with customers, making photographs, sending solicitations, and promoting their business. What's more, since it is a business, all things considered, they're additionally managing the bookkeeping end of things.

"You are currently the clerk, the bookkeeper, the advertising office, the visual creator, the client administration office, the secretary, and practically some other title you can consider, "There's a perilous fantasy that drifts around proposing that [wedding photographers] just need to work one day of the week and they make huge amounts of money."

In actuality, wedding picture takers work a typical five-day week, in addition to gatherings and commitment shoots in the nighttimes, and weddings on ends of the week. They are the absolute most diligent individuals you'll ever meet.

10. PHOTOSHOPPING ISN'T EASY.

Numerous individuals will request that picture takers make them skinnier, taller, more youthful—and to include individuals into photographs, Able says. However, she clarifies, "Individuals don't understand what that involves." Yes, she can do that. Only not for each photograph.

11. Disregard TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IT DOES ON PINTEREST.

Pinterest is inspiring truly irritating to wedding picture takers, and they're tired of attempting to re-make what you saw there. Spoiler alert: It never resembles the ideal shot you saw on there. Odds are, that was a rare shot or an anomaly of nature. That picture taker got fortunate on the grounds that their groomsman happened to be an Olympic athlete and could be flipped or something. Not going to occur at your wedding.

12. IT'S HARD TO PAY THE BILLS.

Since weddings are regular—a great many people get hitched among May and September—many wedding picture takers end up out of work from October to April, as indicated by "Nothing unexpected that that makes it hard to pay the bills," Lim composes. "You can either endeavor to make enough in the wedding season to get yourself through whatever is left of the year, or discover approaches to continue acquiring cash when the weddings stop." That may incorporate shooting photographs for occasion cards and taking pictures for birthday parties.

13. THEY USE A BLEND OF PHOTOGRAPHY STYLES.

Wedding photography is a mix of various sorts of photography—frequently utilized all at a similar occasion. "We're a mix of an item picture taker, a narrative picture taker, and design picture taker," Brown says. Capable concurs, saying she may utilize scene photography, candid wedding photography, and even full scale photography to catch a wedding.

14. Remaining FOCUSED IS KEY.

Wedding picture takers need to remain rationally and innovatively sharp for a truly lengthy time-frame, Brown says. Capable notes that they likewise manage a huge number of difficulties, including climate that can change in a moment and definitely influence lighting. "You must be gifted at altering rapidly on the fly," she notes. What's more, she includes, the weight is elevated since you have restricted time to catch incalculable minutes.

15. Now and then, THAT'S SCARY.

"Each wedding may have a totally unique dynamic, and you don't have the foggiest idea what you are strolling into," Able says. At times, you can venture into an extremely tense circumstance, and different occasions, the state of mind may be affable party. You never know. "There is a sure dimension of stage trepidation as you must be on your best diversion for 12 hours," she says. "Each work day for us is somebody's greatest day of their lives."

16. THEY DON'T LIKE COPYING OTHER PHOTOGRAPHERS.

picture taker with Photography in Chicago, despises hearing the feared inquiry: "Would you be able to make my photos look like … " That's since she has her very own style and her very own touch, she says. "They more often than not need pictures they like re-made precisely," clarifies. "[But] every picture taker has their very own style and voice and most, such as myself, will in general bashful far from late patterns and approach each wedding in a one of a kind way."

17. WHEN IT'S OVER, STOP BUGGING THEM FOR THE PICTURES.

Ask them once, and after that trust that the procedure will occur. Your picture taker ought to disclose the procedure to you, and most will take around 4 to about a month and a half, Brown says. "Trust the procedure," he says. Since he's hitched himself, Brown sees how passionate you are and that you are so eager to see those photographs. However, the picture taker needs time to alter them, and in the event that you continue irritating him, it gets irritating.

#wedding photographer in Delhi #candid wedding photography #wedding photography

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eddycurrents · 5 years

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Strange Places: The Island

Words & Art: Mike Mignola | Colours: Dave Stewart | Letters: Clem Robins

Originally published by Dark Horse in Hellboy: The Island #1 & 2 | June & July 2005

Epilogue - Originally published by Dark Horse in Hellboy - Volume 6: Strange Places | April 2006

Collected in Hellboy - Volume 6: Strange Places | Hellboy Library Edition - Volume 3 | Hellboy Omnibus Volume 2: Strange Places

Plot Summary:

Hellboy emerges from the depths of the ocean to a crag of wrecked ships and navigates an island of ghosts, ruminating on who he is, who he was, and who he’s meant to be.

Reading Notes:

(Note: Pagination does not represent anything within the issue or collections themselves, it is solely in reference to the chapter.)

pg. 1 - The bleakness in these panels from the white skies, white water, the faded colour to the gulls and the ships, this feels like purgatory. In his introduction to this story, Mike Mignola said that he was inspired by William Hope Hodgson’s Sargasso Sea stories, which explains the setting, but this feels so much further removed from the world. That Hellboy has landed himself in a no man’s land.

Also, I think a potential interpretation of “The Third Wish” and “The Island” is to see them as two parts of the death and resurrection of Hellboy. Maybe not literally, maybe so, since everything here seems to be an existential exercise. In the former, you could see Hellboy going to a “hell” in the underworld of the sea and the final panels are vague enough that he could have drowned. Then in “The Island”, his soul is traversing this kind of purgatory, facing his demons and angels, while searching for a way to exist again.

pg. 3 - Absolutely stunning work from Mignola and Dave Stewart. The fading, distant sunset just adding to the feeling that wherever Hellboy is, there’s soon to be no light or warmth.

pg. 4 - This is a nice summary of the last story. The appearance of others is certainly strange.

pg. 5-6 - The sea shanty, what’s actually looking more like flaming mugs than just sloshing ale, and weird orange colour definitely give it a feel that something’s wrong here.

pg. 7 - And there’s the rub. You do wonder, though, if Hellboy’s drinking with ghosts or if his loneliness and drink have him hallucinating happier surroundings.

Also, I just love the presentation here. The layout for the page and bottom tier’s grid is just interesting.

pg. 8 - Hecate’s looking a bit different from her last appearance, but it’s interesting to see her here to lay claim on Hellboy. The moon in the background is a nice little hint to her identity, if anyone was confused at the onset before she’s explicitly named.

Also, like the monkey with a gun panel, this is probably one of the funniest sequences in a Hellboy comic.

pg. 9-11 - Hecate’s reasoning for Hellboy to join her is kind of weird, reiterating a binary choice that Hellboy himself has rejected the notion of before.

That’s also probably one of the creepiest, most terrifying “I want you inside of me” propositions from a woman...or iron maiden. Somebody should probably do a study of the sexual innuendo in Hellboy and how awkward and strange much of it happens to be.

pg. 11 - Hellboy atop the cliff, tossing away the rum bottle, discovery of another skeleton, and then fade to black is probably one of the scenes in this story that most reminds me of The Seventh Seal.

pg. 12 - And then things possibly get stranger. Being unfixed in time and place give you a lack of orientation literally, so the appearance of a castle randomly on this island is even an odder prospect.

pg. 13 - When has Hellboy ever done the “sane” thing?

pg. 14-15 - Like the castle, the appearance of the priest, knights, and the man they’re judging as a heretic is hard to place, unexplained, making you wonder if it’s something currently happening, something that has happened previously and we’re just getting a flashback, or what.

pg. 18 - Sudden monster appearance is sudden.

pg. 19-21 - Impressive battle, though there’s an interesting level of futility that Mignola introduces through referencing Moby Dick. That Hellboy is losing himself in continuing this battle.

pg. 22 - Yeah...grievous impalement probably isn’t good.

pg. 24-25 - I definitely seems more now that the bit with the priest is in the past. With the heretic telling the priest that he’ll rise again some time in the future.

pg. 26-27 - The juxtaposition of the heretic’s words in the past over the events in the present with Hellboy are well done. The art as well is just phenomenal. The darkness, the spot colours of red, the designs for the sculptures and decorations, the resuscitation of the old heart, you kind of just have to stare at these pages a few times to take it all in.

pg. 28 - Aside from just looking cool, there are also possibly some hints as to some of the story elements in what otherwise may just seem like random images.

pg. 30 - Mohlomi’s reappearance is certainly interesting. Especially serving as a kind of psychopomp for Hellboy. It makes you wonder if his role even in “The Third Wish” was merely a passive guide, ferrying Hellboy from one place to another.

pg. 31 - I absolutely love that the heretic has taken Hellboy’s colour scheme, along with his blood. It helps reinforce the idea that this is an assumption of Hellboy’s life and destiny, that he’s basically stolen everything of Hellboy’s existence to spur his own resurrection. And in doing so, Hellboy’s colour has faded and left him grey.

There’s also a visual similarity to the wound pattern and silhouette of Rasputin. From a conceptual standpoint, it sets up Hellboy against not just someone who has taken on his essential life spark to serve as a kind of doppelganger, but also a representation of his opposite.

pg. 32 - The heretic basically explaining it to us, and Hellboy just not having any of it is typical. Absolutely gorgeous art still from Mignola and Stewart.

pg. 34 - The legend of those gold tablets (alternately copper in some tellings, I think, but mostly gold) is real. Again, it’s a testament to how Mignola tells a story, weaving in bits of pre-existing folklore, urban legends, mythology, occult, and magick with his own inventions to tell a bigger story.

pg. 37 - I find it very interesting that as soon as Mignola goes into the creation story for Hellboy, the constrained layouts and grids ends. Suddenly we get a full bleed page, something we’ve not seen often in the series. Visually, it signifies that something bigger is being told here, even if you don’t necessarily comprehend that on a first reading.

pg. 39-40 - And that full-page storytelling continues through with the creation of the Ogdru Jahad and their offspring.

pg. 41 - And just weird happenings regarding the creator race of Watchers and the one who basically constructed their “devil” in Ogdru Jahad, and how his bits and pieces ultimately come down to Hellboy’s conception.

pg. 42 - This conception of the creation of gods and monsters, of mice and men, is interesting. Even if predicated on a faulty understanding from Blavatsky.

pg. 44 - Just stunning use of colour from Stewart.

pg. 46 - And it gets woven back into the narrative that started in Seed of Destruction and is currently running through this narrative movement in BPRD.

pg. 47 - It’s interesting that it always cycles back to the crazy. Delusions of grandeur and an attempt to run the world, to have it accept him as a saviour, anyone who disagrees be damned. It’s an interesting counterpoint to Hellboy, who doesn’t want to be a hero but tends to do the right thing just because it’s “right”.

pg. 50 - I love it when Hellboy provides his own sound effects.

pg. 51 - It always sucks when hurting the villain hurts you yourself. This mirror nature between the heretic and Hellboy is fascinating. It’s also interesting to see what effect Mohlomi’s trinkets are having.

pg. 52 - The heretic’s assumption of Hellboy’s “true” form, even as this nascent Anung Um Rama demon--though looking a wee bit more like Astaroth--is interesting. It’s a sign of a path not taken.

pg. 53 - Creepy worm is back.

pg. 54 - The heretic suffering as the worm creature thing dies is an interesting touch. Gorgeous artwork.

pg. 56 - After all that...

pg. 57 - Ominous hint of things to come.

pg. 60 - Love the use of the fairies and night creatures and whatnot again as a kind of Greek chorus for the epilogue.

Also a hint for what comes next in the main narrative, “Even now he is bound for England.” which I think picks up in Darkness Calls.

pg. 61 - I find it interesting that Hecate has apparently fallen silent, likely living by Hellboy’s wish for her to leave him alone (at least for the time being).

pg. 62-63 - Nice reiteration and reinterpretation of who Hellboy is.

pg. 63 - It’s also interesting as to just how much of Hellboy’s eventual fate is shaped just because this little hobgoblin, Gruagach, couldn’t handle his smackdown from being a jerk back in “The Corpse”.

pg. 65 - Just let it go, pig dude.

Final Thoughts:

So...if “The Third Wish” was a fairy tale, Mike Mignola’s tragic take on Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid, this is something else entirely as a follow-up, somewhere between The Seventh Seal and Black Narcissus. It’s bleak, distant, esoteric, and absolutely lush when it comes to its use of colour to set mood and atmosphere.

While it is a resumption of the origin cycle for Hellboy that has played out before in the narrative a few times now since Seed of Destruction, it’s also a bit of transference and confrontation of Hellboy’s destiny that plays out here. Where previous iterations may have been an emotional response and rejection, here we get a more measured physical and intellectual rejection.

This also feels kind of like a dry run for the storytelling approach that we’re going to eventually be seeing in parts of Hellboy in Hell. This story definitely takes us to some strange places.

d. emerson eddy is just a broken machine, with all the layers of dust some things have started to fail. Some things. Some.

#Give 'em Hellboy #Hellboy #Strange Places #Mike Mignola #RaisingHellboy #47

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disneytva · 6 years

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Cricket Green and his sister, Tilly, grew up racing around on their tractor; embarking on wild adventures in the country; and spending time with their dad, Bill. But they’ve never experienced anything as exciting as life in a bustling metropolis, where they’ve just come to live with their Gramma Alice, a force to be reckoned with as well as the most affectionate grandmother you’re likely to meet. The siblings’ adjustment to their new surroundings is at the heart of the new animated comedy Big City Greens, from comic book creators and brothers Chris and Shane Houghton, which debuts on Disney Channel on Monday, June 18 (9:30 a.m. EDT/PDT), as well as on DisneyNOW and Disney Channel VOD

Disney Channel recently announced that a second season of the series is already in the works, a testament, no doubt, to the Houghtons’ determination to create a series with real characters, genuine emotion, and a premise that Disney fans of all ages will relate to. We spoke with Shane and his younger brother, Chris, about putting heart, soul, and even their own childhood into Big City Greens.

The Muppets are a major influence on Big City Greens. “We wanted the look of the show to really represent the fish-out-of-water aspect of the Greens moving to the big city,” Chris says. The Greens, with their signature bright yellow hue, stand out amongst the other city dwellers, who are a rainbow of greens, blues, purples, and more. “There’s something so charming about that Jim Henson design,” Shane emphasizes, and Chris notes that the Muppets’ impact goes beyond Big City Greens’ production design. “There are humor and clear, lovable characters and really unique relationships between them,” says Chris of the similarities between the Muppets and their new series.

The premise of Big City Greens was inspired by the “big city” Houghtons. Chris and Shane Houghton grew up in the rural community of St. Johns, Michigan, and didn’t venture very far from their small town until they left for college. “That was a big, eye-opening experience, and it was kind of a lonely and strange time, but also exciting and full of change,” older brother Shane recalls. Chris made the big move several years later, camping out on his brother’s living room floor for a few weeks while he got situated. “We wanted to explore what that felt like through the Green family. They at least have each other, but everything else is brand new.”

The series’ characters are based on true-life characters the Houghton brothers grew up with. There’s a lot of Chris Houghton in Cricket, the series’ protagonist. “There’s a third Houghton brother,” Chris explains, “and we were always getting into trouble—so a lot of that trouble-making, free-spirited childhood is embodied in Cricket. We try to bring a great, boisterous carefree energy to him. He’s a bit of a rapscallion.”

Cricket’s father, Bill, and sister, Tilly—a passionate advocate for animals—have their roots in the Houghtons’ real-life family members and neighbors from St. Johns. There is, indeed, a real Gramma Alice, who Chris describes as “a cantankerous, sweet-and-sour grandma who could whip back and forth between being the most terrifying grandmother you’ve ever met and a very, very sweet grandmother.”

Big names are in the Big City Greens guest voice cast. Though Big City Greens is a brand-new show, its guest voice cast is filled with huge stars. Emmy® Award-winner Jon Hamm (Mad Men) voices store manager Louis; Emmy Award-nominated Raven-Symoné (Raven’s Home) is set to play news reporter Maria Media; Grammy® Award-nominated Busta Rhymes lends his voice to a wise fish; Danny Trejo (Spy Kids) guests as bodyguard Vasquez; and Academy Award® winner Jim Rash (The Descendants, Community) is waiter Ted, to name just some of the talented voice actors. Chris stresses, “It was a huge vote of confidence for us and the show to have these really talented, funny folks that we all look up to respond to the material of the show.”

Shane and Chris want Big City Greens to be a series that anyone can jump into at any time. Shane tells D23, “Coming from comic books, we would walk into a comic shop and see, for example, Spider-Man No. 527, and we would ask ourselves, ‘Can I start here? Can I open this up and understand what’s going on? And a lot of times, the answer is no.’” Chris and Shane purposefully structured their hit comic book series, Reed Gunther, so that each issue could stand on its own as a complete story, and that’s what they want audiences to experience with Big City Greens. “We want the show to be two parts funny and one part heart,” says Shane, a lifelong Pixar fan who says that Toy Story changed his life. “Those movies are so funny and so sweet, and I don’t ever want to make anything that doesn’t resonate with somebody on an emotional level.”

#Big City Greens #BCG #Disney Channel #Shane Houghton #Chris Houghton #D23

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closedspeciesdrama · 6 years

Text

Super Big Post about Taiyakis or something

This will be a long post

Hey hey it's Nokkel here, to no one's surprise. I wasn't going to bother sending anything, but that last anon sounded genuinely interested on knowing what's going on without being so eagerly negative, so here's what I'm gonna share with you. Please bear in mind this is my own opinion and does not necessarily correspond to all of the paca mods and such.

When this happened, I had a feeling somebody was going to feel the urge to come here and say something, but I wanted to know what people would say if no one from the mod team came here to give an official statement of sorts.

Before we dwell into the problem at hand, I need to say some things! First of all, I am disgusted at how many of the people in this blog have no issue whatsoever with dragging someone through the mud for the sake of their own entertainment (and I'm not only talking about this, but a lot of other recent complaints in this blog), how you can go as far as complaining about a community because they try to keep their ambient wholesome and positive, because that's totally a bad thing? Secondly, I really don't think you have an idea of how TIRING it is to come here and explain everything to you every time something happens. I really don't have the energy to keep up with every single thing that is brought up here and in other places because every time we keep on being antagonized just because we are mods. Not because we are mods does it mean we are not people, that we can't have opinions, or that our personal space is free for you to step on, and I wish you would stop trying to excuse your shitty behavior by being all like "Well, I'm targeting mods from a popular species so that makes it alright".

So anyway, let's jump into this deep ocean surrounding Wivi and Gator...

Gator posted some adopts based on pictures of taiyaki ice cream, and Wivi's friend thought of the other taiyaki paca. Wivi told Gator that they could "ahve done it a lot differently" and that's a respectable opinion. Gator was concerned that they might look too similar for others (regardless of how they felt about it) so they did the right thing and approached the rest of the mod team to ask if we thought Gator's design needed to be changed.

Personally, I don't think the two designs were close enough. They were the same theme? Yes. They are both pink? Yes. They happen to have some traits in common? Yes. But that alone doesn't mean they are not different enough. They each have their own charm. I doodled them side by side to compare them, and I think you can tell they are completely different pacas with different design choices. Not to mention, Gator based their paca on a photo and it's likely wivi based their design on that same photo (an unfortunate coincidence), which led to some things being a bit similar.

The mods agreed it wasn't too similar, so Gator went ahead and told Wivi they had approached the mods about this.

From here, it all goes downhill. Wivi was clearly upset, but that seems to be because they thought Gator was trying to impose their authority and didn't really ask us? Or at least that's what their last passive-aggressive message makes me think. I wish I knew more about this, but Wivi never approached the mod team to voice their concerns or to tell us they disagreed with us. In fact, Wivi didn't even ask Gator to change anything, they just expressed their disappointment on Gator's design choices. And they even said that they wouldn't have had any problem with the adopt if it had been a myo.

Right after, a certain user made a comment attacking Gator. For example, they say "it gives a VERY BAD image of the whole pacapillar mod group if they point it out something but you ended up judging it by yourself", implying that Gator just pretended to ask us and was abusing their mod position, but Gator DID ask us and voiced their concerns to us. They also complained that Gator doesn't do anything else besides "handling group submissions and uploading adopts" which was an unnecessary jab? They edited their comment afterwards to remove the bit about Gator's role as a mod, and then hid their comment after some time.

Let's make it clear we did not hear from Wivi from this point on, and that this issue was brought up in public, right on Gator's auction.

So right after this happened, somebody felt the need to drag this into csdrama?? For whatever reason, and y'all had 0 problems jumping to conclusions and had a great time attacking Gator and bringing up things that happened 5 years ago and such. That's really the kind of thing that makes me doubt it's worth it trying to reason with you. Not because someone made a mistake years ago means you can use it as an excuse to bully them and constantly bring it up on their face. People change, learn, and move on. It's as if someone brings up something stupid you said when you were a teenager and they somehow think it still represents you.

AND before you even bring up the problem (a PERSONAL, not Pacapillar problem) with Seabunneh: I did not want to bring it up on this blog and, just as it happens often, ended up having to show everything because people simply can't avoid bringing it up here (even if they are not the person to who the situation happened to) and then everyone starts making assumption and spreading false information. I don't mind you going and forming your own opinion, but at least base it on real things that you can prove? And even then, you had 0 right to harass SB and drag her through the mud over and over until it was simply too much for her to handle. I even had to come and ask you to stop harassing her because you don't know when to stop. NOT TO MENTION that it was simply unfair to her. I apologized to her because she didn't deserve any of this, and even if I thought the design was similar, that doesn't mean she willfully copied it, and choosing not to change it would have been okay. That's something I have learned after some time. Unless someone maliciously and deliberately copies you, it's better to just leave it be (or if it bothers you that much, contact the person privately but have in mind you can get a no for an answer) because the world doesn't revolve around your designs and coincidences happen all the time? You shouldn't be punished or harassed for not "trying hard enough" to design something.

Also, I think it's super unreasonable to expect ANYONE to memorize 2000+ designs just to make sure they don't ever make a paca remotely similar to someone else's?? Sorry but that's just straight up impossible and unfair to expect from anybody, even a mod.

Now, another thing that bothers me is that you think that somehow Gator's case is special and that if someone had made a design similar to Tori's or any of our mod's/artist's, we would be making a huge deal out of it. Allow me to inform you this is FAR from the first time we have to decide if two designs are too similar or not, and it has happened with designs that users made that are similar to Tori's or a mod's, but it's not a huge deal because inspiration and coincidences happen. You can see some of those in the imgur picture that some anon sent?

I once heard a phrase that, in a nutshell, says that as an authority you need to use your powers sensibly, and I think that stands true here. We are not going to make a shaming fest to point fingers at someone that made a design similar to someone else's, ESPECIALLY when we know that the person probably didn't mean to make a similar design. A lot of factors come into play when making these choices, and it is difficult at times. Tell the wrong person to change their design and you are suddenly a villain. Don't tell the person to change their design and you are also a villain.

If Wivi had a problem with our decision, they could totally have come and asked for us to reconsider? The problem was with her and not with the rest of her friends, so if she has an issue she can 100% come to us and say "hey, i still feel this way", and I wish they had, because then everyone and their mother wouldn't feel the need to speak for her and try to solve her issues by assuming a lot of things and bringing up irrelevant arguments to say why Gator is Satan and they don't deserve anything good in their lives at all.

#closedspecies #submission

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howtohero · 6 years

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#101 Archers and Arrows

Arrows, arrows are a very useful part of society. Without them signs would just say “free pizza this way,” or “if you walk this way there is a 100% chance of you getting stabbed twenty-three times in the face,” with zero indication of which direction the thing the sign is describing is happening. Arrows are also useful if you are putting on a period piece about Medieval warfare or if you are an Olympic archer. What arrows are not generally useful for… is crime fighting. The trend of archer crime fighters began in 1456 CE with Frederyk (last name unknown let’s just say it’s) Arrowpants who used a bow and arrow to fight crime because guns had not yet come to his village (by the time the traveling firearms circus arrived he had already gotten really good with a bow and he didn’t want all that training to go to waste). Arrowpants made a (first) name for himself by fighting corrupt rich people and then, since he was always on the run, he’d leave the money he stole with poor families in the town for safekeeping. Arrowpants went on to inspire the myth of Robin Hood which is why we have all these nonsense costumed crime fighters running around with a bow and like eleven arrows max.

One of the major reasons why archers are generally ineffective in a super-battle is that they have very limited ammo. They have as much arrow ammo as they can fit in their quiver and their quiver can only be so big before it becomes unwieldy and cumbersome in a fight. To combat this I suggest keep caches of extra arrows hidden in secret places around your city. These caches should be stashed in out of the way places away from major thoroughfares and communal spaces. This way you can shift your super-fight to one of these locations without needlessly endangering civilian life. Also, you don’t want somebody to accidentally stumble upon your arrows and stab one of their eyes out. If you’re fighting somewhere where you don’t have arrows stashed, like in a different city or in space or on a floating country, then you better keep careful track of where you arrows are going so you can collect them later.

You’d also do well to have different kinds of specialized arrows. Having specialty arrows can set you apart from the rest of the archer pack quiver and go a long way towards making yourself desirable to superhero teams. Here are a few good examples of specialty arrows you should look into either purchasing or developing:

Electric-Zapping Arrows: You can give both your enemies and your teammates quite a shock when you pull these out and become an effective fighter.

Exploding Arrows: These pointy tipped arrows are literally the bomb. In the right hands they can be even more useful than conventional explosives because they can be launched far and can embed themselves in walls or vehicles or chests.

Flash-Bang Arrows: These arrows are useful for disorienting enemies, plus they give you an excuse to wear your cool sunglasses and designer headphones into battle. You’ll be the flyest guy in the fight (not counting the guys who can fly).

Sticky Arrows: Stop bad guys dead in their tracks with these bubble-gum/glue/cement filled arrows.

Hacking Arrows: For the tech-savvy archer, these arrows can embed themselves in different machines and provide you or someone else with remote access to the data stored within.

Grapple-Arrows: These arrows are attached to grapple lines that the archer can then use (in tandem with their bow) to zip across buildings or just off-screen for a hasty escape. These things are 100% more useful than grappling hooks because they don’t need to hook onto anything, they just need to be strong enough to pierce whatever you’re shooting.

Magic-Arrows: Arrows that you can control with magic through your mind, speech or whistling can be useful to take out several foes at once. If you have one of these you don’t really need anything else. You don’t even technically need a bow. This shouldn’t even really be a part of this list!

Boxing-Glove Arrows: Useful if you want to punch someone whose really far away.

Buzzsaw-Arrow: Useful if you want to frikkin murder someone. Or if you’re trapped in a hedge-labyrinth filled with villains and monsters and you want a quick escape.

Cryo-Arrows: Similar to Stick Arrows, these arrows contain capsules of cryo-gas that can freeze people or objects.

Fire-Arrows: These are just regular arrows that you set on fire before launching. Just make sure to fire launch them quickly. Can be used like a flare-gun.

Messenger Arrows: These arrows contain recorded messages (or have paper letters tied to them). Only useful if you can shoot insanely long distances with extreme accuracy. Or if you need to get a message to your buddy across a crowded battlefield.

Bug Arrows: These arrows are full of, you guessed it, bugs! It’s literally never not useful!

Bola-Arrows: These arrows produce tough ropes attached to metal balls that can tie your enemies to conveniently located support beams or telephone poles.

Helium Arrows: When these arrows are shot on a battle field they burst open unleashing high amounts of helium into the air. This will cause everybody in the fight’s voices to get all high and squeaky. Hilarious.

Blunted-Arrows: These arrows are good if you don’t want to murder anybody but still want to be able to aim for the chest and head.

Glow-in-the-Dark Arrows: Useful if you’re fighting in a rave or a cave.

Theme Song Arrow: Record your theme song onto this arrow and then launch it into battle ahead of you for a sick entrance.

Seed Pellet Arrows: These arrows are packed with seeds to make gardening way cooler. Lets you plant in hard to reach places.

Net-Arrow: These arrows produce large unbreakable nets to easily incapacitate your enemies. They also come in electric and barbed varieties, ask your local arrow supplier.

Oxygen Arrows: Useful if you’re fighting in space or underwater. Just fire one of these babies and oxygen will be dispersed all around. [Note: These are not useful please invest in actual space and/or scuba gear.]

Condiment Arrows: These arrows are very useful if you’re making a sandwich, hosting a superhero cookout which I’m sure has got to be a thing, or fighting PB&Slay the giant evil sandwich.

Ridable Arrows: These arrows are useful for team-ups with shrinkers. They have a tiny cockpit and a steering mechanism so the shrinker can ride in it and control its trajectory once launched.

Sonic Arrows: These arrows can emit a high pitched noise to give villains migraines or to accidentally give up your location while sneaking around somewhere you’re not supposed to be.

Boomerang Arrow: These arrows negate the whole “scrounging around a battlefield to retrieve your only arrows” problem since they come right back to you!

Fire-Retardant Foam Arrows: These arrows can unleash fire-retardant foam, a foam that retards fires! Use it to make all the firemen in your town jealous and all the arsonists angry.

Knockout-Arrows: These arrows can knock a fool out if you hit them in the head hard enough.

Knockout-Gas-Arrows: These arrows produce a gas that renders whoever inhales it unconscious. Make sure you’ve got a gas mask handy.

Magnetic Arrows: Use these arrows to climb up metal walls that can’t be pierced by your regular arrows.

Tracking Arrows: These arrows contain tracking devices so you can monitor their location or use them to track fleeing villains.

Suction Cup Arrows: These practice arrows can be used in training sessions or for young archers who can’t yet handle diamond tipped arrows or flesh-eating arrows.

Pronged Arrows: These arrows are forked so you can pin a person’s limbs to a wall without all that pesky blood getting everywhere. Or if you wanna stab two people at once!

Wooden Arrows: To fight vampires.

Silver Arrows: To fight werewolves.

Gold Arrows: Cuz You’re all about that bling.

Harpoon Arrows: To fight whales.

Tranq-Arrows: Yet another kind of arrow to knock out bad guys.

Smoke-Arrows: These arrows create a smokescreen for quick getaways.

Lightning Arrow: Harness the power of Zeus with this actual lightning bolt that you stole and then tried to shoot at someone with a bow!

Pen Arrows: The tips of these unique arrows are actually just fully functioning ball-point pens. They’re not much use in battle unless you’re fighting one of the evil Octomen and want to give them a taste of their own ink-shooting medicine.

Spare Change Arrows: This arrow can be shot at parking meters to trick them into thinking they’ve been paid. Plus they’re reusable! Never pay for parking again! Or pay other people’s meters, like a true hero.

Acid Arrows: Corrode your way out of any death trap or office meeting!

EMP Arrows: Villains using too much of that new-fangled technological stuff? Not anymore!

Multi-Arrows: This arrow separates into three different arrows when fired! So you gotta aim three times as well.

Nuke-Arrows: Honestly I’m not sure how useful these things are, chances are you’re not going to be able to fire it far enough for you to not be caught in the blastzone and also superheroes should not be nuking anyone. But I guess it’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

Oil Slick Arrows: Sometimes known as the Banana-Peel Arrow, these arrows can make villains fall on their butts in a frankly hilarious manner.

Magic-Piercing Arrows: These arrows can pierce magic. It’s all in the name. It’s right there.

Safe-Cracking Arrows: These are arrows eliminate the need for you to ever befriend any thieves. And they don’t even steal your wallets while talking to you!

Parachute Arrows: For when you’re falling from an extraordinary height (let’s say your arrow-jet is exploding or you tripped and fell out of a space station.)

Umbrella Arrows: For when you’re falling out of an exploding aircraft and you used up all your parachute arrows last week.

Recording Arrows: Shoot these into a villains lair and, if he somehow doesn’t notice an arrow embedded in his wall, you can learn lots of juicy bad guy gossip.

Skeleton Key Arrows: Use these to pick any lock or just shoot a bad guy’s face with one, I’m sure it’ll still hurt.

Glass Arrow: This one isn’t really so much of a weapon. It’s actually an award you got from the Archer’s Society of America but hey, if some bad guy breaks into your hideout and this is the closest arrow to you I’m sure it can still be used as an effective distraction if nothing else.

Recyclable Arrows: To fight climate change.

Converting-Arrow: This arrow is actually a small shape-changing robot named Flint Head and he is very eager to be launched at bad guy. He’s such an adorable little go-getter!

Time-Warp Arrows: These arrows can be shot back in time if you really wanna kill a dinosaur or shatter the time stream.

Valentines Arrows: These romantic projectiles have arrowheads shaped like hearts for when you have a kind of love/hate thing going on with your nemesis.

A Plunger: Just a regular plunger. Always keep one in your quiver just in case.

Infecto-Arrow: This arrow carries a deadly pathogen that you can use to infect enemies that you want to extract information from.

Antidote Arrow: This arrow holds the cure to the deadly pathogen you’ve weaponized. Use it to save your enemy after getting the information you need.

Now, I know we’ve given archers a bad rap in the past, and it’s because they’re just so silly. But I guess they’re really no more silly than the guy who can turn his upper body into that of a shark (gills and all) or the guy who talks to monkeys but doesn’t use that power to fight crime, just to chat, and both Amphin and Dr. Gibbon are members of superhero teams, so really who are we to judge. Also, they’re usually excellent marksmen and that’s always something that’s good to have around. Plus, if you follow all of our advice here (archers should always wear sleeves, all heroes should really have sleeves but for some reason a lot of archers go without them. Don’t do this, your arms are not bullet proof, also it’s cold) you can become a respected arching superhero striking fear into the hearts of all the snow monsters and Russian spies with guns for arms that you come across.

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theunofficialchurchofsatan · 7 years

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“A Clockwork Messiah” (Essay by High Preist Peter H Gilmore)

Mel Gibson’s film, “The Passion of The Christ” is a rather tedious exercise in graphic brutality and strained reaction shots, with a generous dollop of anti-Semitism and a soupçon of anti-paganism thrown in for good measure. In a clever fusion, Gibson melds the aesthetic sensibility of the plague-ridden late Middle Ages with the over-the-top mayhem of a contemporary shoot-’em-up video game to craft an ultra-violent “religious” film fit for today’s box office.

His Satan, an omnipresent, androgynous, deep-voiced figure wrapped in a cloak, is perhaps inspired by medieval depictions of “death triumphant”: a sexless, worm-riddled avatar of corruption. Satan at one point parodies images of the Madonna and Child by hefting a bloated demonic infant. It certainly suits the aesthetic choices made by the director, but is not congruent with our symbol of Satan as heroic individualist.

It seems pretentious to have the actors speak in Latin and Aramaic, but it’s all part of the director’s attempt to create a “you are there” sensibility in the viewer’s mind. In fact, the gospels which served as the source for this tale were crafted long after the time of the alleged events by people who could not have been present. Gibson is trying to sell the audience a myth by presenting it as if it were as authentic as a historically-accurate recreation of a Civil War battle. Additionally, the dialogue is often not even subtitled, particularly when Yeshua is being abused by the Romans, so those unfamiliar with Latin will miss the precise meaning of the epithets being showered upon the bruised Nazarene. Translating Latin curse words is a no-no; rubbing your nose in graphic violence is A-OK!

Gibson is trying to sell the audience a myth by presenting it as a historically-accurate recreation

of a Civil War battle.”

Like the Dark Age passion plays, the film focuses solely on the beating and crucifixion of Yeshua, and Gibson wastes no time in presenting the culprits. With a full-moonlit night to set a horror film context, Judas goes to the Sanhedrin and betrays his mentor for the traditional 30 pieces of silver. The Hebrew priests are depicted as heavyset, overdressed, and utterly dedicated to the murder of Yeshua, whom they consider a rival to their spiritual authority. They send their military lackeys, also Jews, to “begin the beguine” by putting a beating on Yeshua and his hippie-like followers in the garden of Gethsemane.

Contrast this image with the later depiction of the pragmatic figure of Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor of this far-flung cesspit of a province filled with religious maniacs. He does not see why Yeshua should be killed, and only orders the already-battered and obviously meshuggah fellow to be flogged in hopes of appeasing the bloodthirsty Jewish ruling class. Now do you wonder why some folks might contend that this film has a certain slant?

Of course, the fellows who administer the punishment are a bunch of rowdy pagan brutes, dull-witted frat-boy-turned-corrections-officer types, who go too far. Here follows the most brutal whipping ever filmed. Yeshua, rather buff for a desert-dwelling prophet, is first caned until he is beaten down, his back deeply marked in the closely-depicted process. But he stands again, which prompts the sadistic Romans to choose more damaging implements, to wit, leather-thonged flails woven with metal beads. These are used with utmost effort and we are treated to close-up views of gobbets of flesh being torn from Yeshua’s body. He is nearly beaten to death, finally lying on the cobblestones in a literal sea of blood, and Greg Cannom—who is known for having done make-up effects for horror films—has wrought a body suit that lovingly details the ribs showing through the flayed flesh. Splatter fans may find this of interest. It certainly goes way beyond anything that could remotely be considered erotic sado-masochism into the realm of disgusting atrocity.

You all know the rest of the tale, but Gibson has added some personal touches.

Perhaps [Judas] should be considered the patron saint

of thankless tasks?”

We are treated to a number of flashbacks, one of which depicts Yeshua the carpenter as having crafted a table which is too tall for local traditions. When his mother remarks upon it, he says he’ll make chairs to match. So, not only is he the Messiah, but he’s a brilliant innovator of furniture design! I wonder if that bit was in one of the non-canonical gospels?

When Yeshua stumbles the second time on the way to his place of execution, his mother recalls in flashback a scene wherein little toddler Yeshua falls and she rushes to comfort him. Not particularly subtle.

We need not deal in detail with the inherent contradictions in the tale. However, it is interesting to note that, as shown in this film, Yeshua knows at the “final nosh” that he is going to be executed (as his deity-father wills), and he knows that Judas will betray him to set the deal in motion. But then Yeshua seems angered at Judas who is only doing what his God has ordained him to do. You’d think Judas, who supposedly loved and revered his mentor and thus felt great pain at being the one who had to do this, might actually be considered a hero by Christians for having to be placed in such a painful situation that he is driven to suicide. Perhaps he should be considered the patron saint of thankless tasks? Such an odd cult is Christianity.

Also of interest is the scene wherein the two criminals crucified along with Yeshua express their take on the situation. One believes in him as a holy man, the other challenges this dying Messiah to exercise his powers to get them the hell out of there. The doubter is punished when a raven arrives and pecks his eye out. Seems a tad bitchy of God, wouldn’t you say? The Romans who savaged Yeshua are unscathed, while somebody under great personal duress who presents a verbal challenge gets mutilated. Anyone else think this is a strange hierarchy of values? And of course, the Almighty lets his son be abused and saves the vengeful earthquake as an after-death climactic scattershot retribution. Poor timing? Why wreak havoc upon those who are doing what you wanted them to do, Jew and pagan alike? Seeking sense in this myth system has been fruitless for millennia.

When Longinus’ spear pierces the side of Yeshua to make certain he is dead, it releases such a fountain of blood and body fluids, that one must recall “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” to find a similarly overdone gout. Several people ecstatically bathe under this torrent; the director celebrates this revolting behavior.

The penultimate pieta image of Mary embracing the shattered body of her dead son was one of defeat and resignation. Indeed, that is a human touch, and would be the natural reaction to witnessing such events. There was no triumph and resistance and looking ahead to resurrection—only pain, degradation, and intense suffering. And since the director clearly blames this death on the Jewish community leaders, it wouldn’t surprise me that Christians who hold this myth dear might find such imagery spawning vengeful feelings toward those depicted as being responsible—as they also forget that their own deity is supposedly the ultimate author of the scenario. We all know that throughout history, Christianity, when linked up with the state, did turn implements of torture, similar to those used on Yeshua in this film, against anyone who would not buy into their sick faith, as well as against those “heretics” prone to hair-splitting of doctrine and dogma. They’ve had plenty of “tit-for-tat” over the past two thousand years, so one might reasonably expect they should now be sated.

This film takes abuse, torture and execution to pornographic excess and it is not suitable for viewing by children. If a film depicted any other individual—fictional or otherwise—being put through such a harrowing experience, I would think it likely that it would have been rated X, or banned outright as being obscene, perhaps even if it had been Hitler cast as the victim. That such generally objectionable imagery can be made palatable to a broad audience by placing it in a religious context is food for thought.

With that in mind, I could speculate that innovative pornographers might find this to be the time to introduce a new Messiah. A “spiritual” young lady (“hot” by contemporary standards, with her legal age statement properly on file), a true daughter of God, receives a vision that Mankind is so sinful that the death of Yeshua just wasn’t enough. She claims that God has inspired her to subject herself to the ultimate degradation of the world’s biggest “gang-bang,” so that Mankind’s multitudinous sins will be expiated through her selfless act as a receptacle for the jism of thousands of “fallen” men. They too will be saved through contact with this prostitute-paraclete. If such were realized with enough piety, perhaps in time this myth could be the foundation for a new religion? Is it any less ridiculous or obscene than what Gibson has portrayed?

It seems that many are forgetting that the imagery of Gibson’s film has been previously approached with the same glee. Recall the sequence in Kubrick’s “A Clockwork Orange” wherein violent delinquent Alexander De Lodge finally reads the “Holy Scriptures” while incarcerated and imagines himself as a Roman, lustily flogging Yeshua on the way to Golgotha. Gibson has made little Alex’s wet-dream into a feature-length snore/gore fest. Perhaps one day, this director—much as another one who uses savior images but casts extraterrestrials in such roles—will feel the need to retouch his work. He might see that he gave torture too much of the center stage, and so he will create a revised “special edition.” In this, the brief image of resurrection will be extended into a view of Yeshua and the believer-thief entering into a brightly-lit heavenly kingdom, thronged with angels, much as Spielberg’s Paul Neary entered the mother ship in the revamped “CE3K.” Or perhaps the impulses that fueled “Braveheart” will come to fore and he’ll depict the risen Yeshua harrowing Hell in a flashy action sequence.

Your present humble narrator leaves you now with the proposal that this dull work is indeed an embodiment of the essence of Christianity. Witness the concentration on pain and suffering as the central value, joined with the idea of a father-deity torturing his child to death and this being celebrated as a positive image. We Satanists find it accurate to the spirit of Saul of Tarsus (aka “Saint Paul”), the true creator of Christianity, and we reject all of this as a vile creed, unfit for anyone who loves life and seeks joy in the world. I’ve always thought it a perversion to link the word “passion” to these mythical events of hideous torture, and this film has more than confirmed my opinion, as well as my wariness of those who do feel that this is a proper use for the word. Such twisted folk cannot be trusted.

#satanist #the church of satan #satanism #satan #lucifer #leviathan #belial #peggynadramia #peter h gilmore #antonlavey

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