#it’s just that we can see your insecurities from space Jiang Cheng

[lilnasxvevo]

Jiang Cheng is fashionable and rich and handsome and politically powerful and strong and skilled and smart and funny and he is still somehow a deeply cringefail sopping wet Pomeranian of a man. Now THAT’S talent.

#it’s just that we can see your insecurities from space Jiang Cheng #it’s just that when you think the thing you said was so stupid that you momentarily want to die you forget to control your face #and we can see you regretting your entire life and engaging in self-castigation right in the middle of a conversation

[vrishchikawrites]

Ok so like

This is by no means an insult, attack or anything of the aort to you personally, i enjoy your content and opinions and i fully mean this respectfully....

But i find it so interesting that some people can hate a particular character and not read fics about them?

Like, from my first interaction w fandom in general, i could read any relationship/ plot/ ooc as long as it is well written. Even if i hate canon characters, i can usually read them in a positive light. Hell, i can read any JC fix as long as i know if it's positive or negative so i know what to expect

And then i found tumblr discourse

Again, this isn't something I'm criticising, just an observation I'm curious abt, since detachment from the source material seems to be so scarce fandom wise

Ok, so - here's the thing. The problem isn't fans loving JC and writing him favorably. If that was an issue, many reasonable people in this fandom wouldn't be so miffed about it.

The problem is - we can't avoid them. You said it yourself, "as long as i know if it's positive or negative so i know what to expect"

We don't know what to expect.

Everyone wants to tailor their fandom experience. You mentioned you can read almost anything as long as it is well-written. That's a good thing because it opens up the entire fandom for you. But some people have specific tastes and triggers. They would want to look at the content they like and avoid what they don't like.

That isn't possible in this fandom.

I write canon characterization of JC. I am forced to tag is anti-jiang cheng. People write fanon characterization of JC. They don't tag it Jiang Cheng-friendly.

We get fics where JC is suicidal and people are gaslighting WWX - making him feel insecure - in the main Wangxian tag. And that is presented as ok for JC to do. They say it is suicidal JC, they don't mention that JC, Jiangs, and everyone is gaslighting the fuck out of WWX.

Then we have a perfectly good fic that we get invested in and find ourselves in a hole where WWX has crippling self-esteem issues, the Jiang family is abusive, but is brushed aside. There's no tag mentioning OOC WWX with self-esteem issues.

We have fics where Wangxian cheat on each other - with JC. And there's either one or more abusive partner involved. Partner abuse isn't tagged.

We have fics where all of WWX's morality is transferred onto JC. But JC isn't tagged as OOC.

THIS ISN'T TAGGED.

In fact, we have people using deceptive tags like angst with happy ending - Wangxian only for the happy ending to be for WWX to die at the hands of his abusive spouse. Again, no warning. The problem is so common and so many readers are blindsided by it that people have told me they clock out of the fandom because of it.

It isn't something as simple as an attachment to the source material. I am the last person to say fanon characterizations aren't allowed. I have been writing fanfiction for over two decades. Fanon characterization doesn't bother me at all.

There are fandom olds, good people, who will tag fics that are favorable to JC as JC-friendly and I don't think many of us have an issue with them. The problem starts when it becomes difficult to find a good fic where a canonical antagonist isn't allowed to walk all over the canonical protagonists. It is difficult to find a fic where everything that makes WWX so great in the canon is turned over until he only has surface characteristics of WWX but underneath that surface, he's someone we don't know.

Detaching yourself from the source material is one thing. But do you know many fics are out with WWX or LWJ having a bucketful of mischaracterizations? I have a near-crippling problem with depictions of severe self-esteem issues. I was drawn to WWX because, despite everything, he doesn't have severe self-esteem issues. So many fics include WWX with low self-esteem, severe self-deprecation without tagging? Because they consider it canon? I noticed that because I'm sensitive to it. But there are things I am not sensitive to, but other people want to avoid. Those things aren't tagged either.

It is frustrating for people who want to experience fandom, who want to be comfortable in fandom, but somehow have to deal with poor tagging, strange characterization, abuse justification, morality discussions, etc.

Fan content longer a favorable space for many fans. There are only so many fics you can clock out of before you start feeling completely disgusted by the situation.

So the response to all of that shit? Create a fandom vent space where people who do not like all of these things can come together, vent, and share their thoughts on. Venting in the story's comments section or in the author's space is bad form. A venting to people who have experienced similar things away from the creator's space? Fun and good form.

Also, added bonus, every time I see a meta, discussion, or answer an ask that forces me to think - my understanding of characters improves and I incorporate it into my fics.

to conclude - people can be detached from the original source material. But you bet people will rebel when someone tries to shove them in a particular direction. The more stans try to shove people in the direction of fanon characterization, the more people who like canon characterization will cling to it and defend it.

That's human nature.

All of this discourse? A response to being shoved and forced to bear fanon interpretations with complete disregard.

As people keep saying, the Chinese side of the fandom doesn't experience any of this shit.

Also, to clarify - I mean none spitefully or disrespectfully, despite my blunt language. This isn't a criticism of you or your ask, but of the state of this fandom.

#reader asks #long post #vent #re: jc #re: fanfic #re: fandom

[bloody-bee-tea]

Crave

Jiang Cheng is in a really bad mood, which he thinks is justified seeing as he hasn’t slept properly in at least a week and he’s been sporting a low-level headache for the same amount of time.

Being cranky should be understandable under these circumstances but it seems like the whole world is against Jiang Cheng these days, because no one—literally no one—seems to understand or even be willing to give Jiang Cheng some space.

First it was Nie Huaisang who came in to babble about the newest gossip he picked up gods even knows where.

Then Wei Wuxian barged in like this office belonged to him instead of Jiang Cheng only to start waxing poetics about Lan Wangji. Which is something that Jiang Cheng absolutely does not want to hear under any circumstances let alone under these less than perfect ones.

And then his father had the audacity to come in to berate Jiang Cheng over a job he finished days ago and he didn’t even have the decency to apologize when Jiang Cheng finally snapped at him and told him that it has all been finished already. As if Jiang Cheng would ever forget a deadline.

So all in all it’s a really fucking bad day, and Jiang Cheng is more than ready to go home and be done with it.

Jiang Cheng face-plants on the couch as soon as he arrives home, fully intending to only move if his stomach should complain or if it’s time for bed—whatever comes first, really—but it seems like the whole universe is against him today because someone rings at his door.

Jiang Cheng has a split second where he foolishly hopes that maybe Wei Wuxian did pick up on his bad mood and ordered take-out for Jiang Cheng to make it up to him, but he discards that thought as fast as he has it. It’s unlikely that Wei Wuxian picks up on anything that’s not Lan Wangji and it’s even more unlikely that he would spend some money on Jiang Cheng.

So even in the case it is a delivery, Jiang Cheng most likely has to pay for it himself.

When it rings again, Jiang Cheng groans and pushes himself up. It doesn’t seem like this problem will solve itself, so he trots over to the door, his headache coming back with a vengeance now that he laid down for a moment.

“What?” Jiang Cheng growls out as he yanks the door open, and he has to admit that he wasn’t at all prepared to come face to face with Nie Mingjue.

“What are you doing here?” Jiang Cheng asks and a bit of panic creeps in, because what if he forgot they have a date today?

He wrecks his mind, trying to remember if they agreed on meeting today, but nothing comes up.

“You didn’t forget anything,” Nie Mingjue reassures him, because it seems like Jiang Cheng is very easy to read and he sheepishly scratches his head. “I didn’t mean to make you panic.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jiang Cheng says as he steps aside to let Nie Mingjue in.

Being in Nie Mingjue’s presence still makes him nervous as hell, because while they have been on two dates already, neither of them have ever talked about being in a relationship, so Jiang Cheng is still not entirely sure where he stands with Nie Mingjue.

He definitely knows where he wants to stand with him, but he’s not sure if Nie Mingjue wants the same thing.

Jiang Cheng knows that he should simply ask—that he can simply ask—but he’s too afraid that Nie Mingjue’s answer won’t be what Jiang Cheng so desperately wishes for and so he never dares to ask that question.

“If I didn’t forget anything, then what are you doing here?” he asks once Nie Mingjue is firmly inside his apartment and Nie Mingjue retains the sheepish look.

Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes at him.

“What is going on?” he demands to know, because he really is not in the mood for whatever is going on and Nie Mingjue sighs.

“Huaisang said you seemed stressed out today. I just—I thought maybe I can help? But you don’t seem to be in the mood for company so maybe I’ll just leave again?” Nie Mingjue says and he sounds more nervous than Jiang Cheng thought he could be.

He crosses his arms in front of his chest and levels Nie Mingjue with a look.

“What would you do to help?” he demands to know and watches as Nie Mingjue goes slightly red in the face.

“I thought—a hug? But I can also really just leave,” Nie Mingjue rambles, pointing at the door and Jiang Cheng hates to admit it but it’s more than cute.

It’s adorable, really.

“I don’t know if I would like a hug,” Jiang Cheng admits after a long moment.

Just the thought of anyone touching him at work had been enough to make Jiang Cheng’s mood plummet even further, but now that it’s Nie Mingjue who offers—it doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

“We could try?” Nie Mingjue suggests. “And if you hate it, I’ll just leave? And order you some food instead? Or something?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jiang Cheng says with a shrug and he immediately steps closer to Nie Mingjue, mostly so that he can’t see how Jiang Cheng’s face grows warm as well.

This rambling side of Nie Mingjue really is too cute, and a little bit too much for Jiang Cheng to handle right now.

A hug will probably be safer.

Jiang Cheng realizes his fatal error when Nie Mingjue’s arms come up around him and he is being pulled into his chest.

This—this is so much worse than cute, adorable rambling Nie Mingjue, Jiang Cheng thinks, but he also doesn’t want to move, ever again.

“Okay? Or should I leave?” Nie Mingjue wants to know after a long moment and Jiang Cheng can’t help himself, he tightens his arms around Nie Mingjue’s middle as if he would push him away at any moment now.

“I see,” Nie Mingjue whispers and then he chuckles and Jiang Cheng can hear it in his chest.

It’s a lot cheesy but Jiang Cheng could swear that that sound is better than any painkiller he tried in the last week or so and he vows to never let go of Nie Mingjue again.

“Do you maybe want to move this to the couch?” Nie Mingjue asks after maybe ten minutes of simply standing around in the hallway like idiots.

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng agrees but he makes no move to let go of Nie Mingjue so it takes them at least another five minutes before they finally do get moving towards the couch.

It’s clear that Nie Mingjue wants to pull Jiang Cheng on top of him, but Jiang Cheng thinks he might enjoy the solid proof of Nie Mingjue’s weight on top of him more, so after a bit of wrangling they end up on their sides, with Nie Mingjue leaning a little bit more onto him.

It’s the perfect place to be in.

“Are you feeling better now?” Nie Mingjue wants to know eventually and Jiang Cheng sighs, before he snuggles into Nie Mingjue’s chest.

“Yeah,” he mumbles and goes boneless when Nie Mingjue starts to stroke a hand up and down his back.

“What’s going on with you lately?” he lowly asks and Jiang Cheng shrugs as best as he can in his position.

“Don’t know,” he admits. “I haven’t been sleeping well and there’s this persistent headache.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Nie Mingjue whispers and Jiang Cheng only hums.

He knows it’s not good but nothing he tried so far helped. At least until Nie Mingjue.

Jiang Cheng still gets nervous when he remembers that they did not talk about if they are in a relationship, or even exclusive or anything else besides going onto dates, and he thinks that while it’s probably not the main cause it’s likely that the unclear situation is adding to his stress level.

And maybe it’s time to put some clarity to it.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Jiang Cheng asks, glad that his face is hidden away in Nie Mingjue’s chest but he still feels how he tenses for a moment.

It’s almost enough to make Jiang Cheng move away from him, but then Nie Mingjue tightens his arms around Jiang Cheng and so he figures it might just be okay.

“You mean sleeping over?” Nie Mingjue clarifies and Jiang Cheng nods.

“Just sleeping,” he also adds, because he doubts he is up for anything else despite how his headache calmed down a bit.

“I only sleep over for people I call my boyfriend,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng is glad to hear the tiniest bit of insecurity in his voice.

At least he’s not alone in that.

“So let’s be that,” Jiang Cheng decides, and Nie Mingjue’s answer is clear when he immediately presses a kiss to the top of his head.

“I wasn’t sure,” Nie Mingjue admits and Jiang Cheng’s stomach drops out.

“If you want to be—that, with me?” he asks because they cannot go into this with any misunderstandings and if despite everything Nie Mingjue still doubted his feelings then Jiang Cheng might have to take a step back.

“If you wanted that, too. If we were on the same page already.”

“Of course I want that,” Jiang Cheng says, pulling away from Nie Mingjue to look him into the face. “Of course I want to be your boyfriend. And I want you to be mine, too.”

“Then everything is good.”

Nie Mingjue smiles before he leans in for a soft kiss and Jiang Cheng happily falls into it.

They do eventually move to the bed, even eating the take-out they ordered in there, and falling asleep in Nie Mingjue’s arms is probably going to be one of Jiang Cheng’s favourite thing to do and he can already feel himself starting to crave it.

He still sleeps like shit, but when he wakes up in the middle of the night, to Nie Mingjue cuddled close to him, it’s not as lonely as it used to be.

Like this, Jiang Cheng might just be okay.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

#bt writes #the untamed #MDZS #mingcheng #modern au #getting together #fluff #hurt/comfort #stress #headaches #snuggles #hugs

[yiling]

Character meme: Xue Yang

oh fuck YES TIME FOR BEST! WORST! BOY!!!!!

How I feel about this character: I LOVE XUE YANG HE IS SO FUN. see the funny thing about this is I...did not like him initially. when we met him in episode 3 in CQL i was like “ugh, an overacted bad boy villain, how typical, he’s going to be really annoying and have a ton of obnoxious stans”. and then episode 10 hit and i was like huh he’s actually pretty fun. and then. yi city. and reader? now I am the obnoxious Xue Yang stan. he is very evil and mean and having a fantastic time, until his own cruelty catches up with him and then he is having the worst time ever. he falls in love as deeply as he’s able and then destroys it. he is actually an incredibly smart and talented cultivator! and he has a very good Obligatory Tragic Backstory. everything about him is just really great, I adore him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: oh everyone, Xue Yang is the fandom bicycle and I love that for him. he’s so audacious and horny that you can throw him in with practically any character and get some fun out of it, and as a weird rarepair liker, that’s extremely good. of course, my main ships for him are Xuexiao and Songxuexiao, because tragedy and murder and sudden gutpunches of sweetness and tenderness and then way more murder. I used to not be able to see Songxue as much as the other two but recently i’ve been thinking about how they spent eight years together, and all of that time was spent in bitter mutual grief, and...yeah. Yeah, I want to explore that in my brain a little more. I’m also gratified at the popularity of Xueyao, because hooray murder fuckbuddies. I’m very mad at the relative unpopularity of Xuexian because come ON, Xue Yang has a crush on him that’s visible from space, Wei Wuxian gets where he’s coming from but also hates his guts, and then there’s the inherent eroticism of fucking your narrative parallel. There should be reams and reams written for this pairing! Off the top of my head I’ve also read and enjoyed fic where he was paired with: Lan Wangji, Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jiang Cheng, Wen Qing, and Lan Xichen. And then there’s that one Xue Yang/Jiang Yanli fic which may be one of the best things ever written in the fandom.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: ...Honestly, I feel like most of the dynamics I’m interested in with him involve sex, or at least attraction, partly because I feel like whenever he feels strongly about a person he feels everything for them at once (see: Xuexiao), and also I am a horny son of a bitch. I am, however, interested in his relationship with A-Qing and their uneasy peace that barely lasts until it doesn’t. I wrote a whole thing about that and I’m pretty satisfied with that exploration, but I feel like there’s definitely more to talk about with them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Haha oh man. This certainly is a character that lends himself to unpopular opinions huh. I have two that I think will be unpopular in very different segments of the fandom:

A lot of people who dislike him dismiss him with “he’s just a random murderer, he has no reason to be so evil!” and I think that’s a pretty big misreading. He has a clear explanation for why he is as he is: he grew up in a world of deprivation and violence. Moreover, his character is set up to parallel Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao, whose backstories are more elaborated on but who follow the same pattern. Xue Yang as a character is meant to drive home the theme that people who are seen as lesser or subhuman often end up doing terrible and desperate things as a result. He’s fully consistent with the rest of the story and he’s certainly not just a random murdertwink. There’s also the whole “it was only a finger” thing, but I’ve got a meta cooking about that. 

On the Xue Yang apologist side of things, I think there’s a tendency for people who like him to...flatten him a little bit, make him a bit softer and easier to grasp. Not that people make him “too sympathetic” or whatever, I think that he’s just difficult to write correctly, since his worldview is so inhumane, and people fall back on troubled-but-cute tropes for fic with him. Like, a lot of fic has him be weird about affection and praise, which I do think is in character, but I think people don’t get the reasons for it quite right.  Xue Yang is not insecure and does not see himself as undeserving. (Basically the complete opposite actually) If he struggles with affection, showing it and accepting it, it’s because it is so alien to him and he doesn’t expect it to last. It’s a subtle distinction, but it’s there, and I keep running into it in fic.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I keep saying this for the Yi City gang but i’m really satisfied with their canon! the arc basically ties up in a bow, for Xue Yang especially, since he meets the end he was always going to meet. If anything, I do wish we had more scenes from his cottagecore AU life with XXC and AQ, but there’s also all the fic in the world for that. Xue Yang as a character is just very satisfying to me. A good little monster.

#mdzs #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #xue yang #xue chengmei #mine #asks #xuesongxiao #xuanis

[satonthelotuspier]

Day 7 of Xichengclipse is here, and we’re almost done!

This turned a little away form the original concept into wanting to explore how societal pressures affect JC's notion of himself. He has this role he has to play in canon, especially young jc, the sect heir, the more sensible one to WWX's shenanigans, and I wonder if he ever found that stifling. I wanted to take a look at what that might mean in a different verse. 

Lotus Lakes In Spring

Lan Xichen has suddenly started working late every night, and Jiang Cheng, insecure at the best of times, is imagining the worst. Although he had thought they had developed feelings for each other theirs was still a match of convenience, tying to powerful families together, and perhaps he's has enough of Jiang Cheng.

How far away from the truth is he? His therapist suggests there's only one way to find out - communication in relationships is key.

Featuring a JC struggling with societal expectations and his own nature, and a misunderstood LXC who's taking some matters into his own hands.

“It’s fine,” Jiang Cheng assured, except it really wasn’t. It wasn’t fine. They hadn’t spent any time together for weeks because Lan Xichen had been working constantly, and this afternoon was just another call to excuse himself from dinner, because he’d be working at the office until into the evening again.

It was a herculean effort, but he killed the needy keen in his voice; an omega begging for attention from his mate might sound cute in theory, but Jiang Cheng hated that he was so weak to the natural reaction.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow evening then, I have to be up early for a conference across town, so I need to go to bed early tonight.” He didn’t sound terribly pathetic, but it was a close thing.

“Sleep well, Wanyin, I’ll be quiet when I get in, so that I don’t wake you.”

He could feel the wetness behind his eyes, but worked hard to keep it out of his voice.

“Thank you, Xichen.”

With a few more pleasantries they ended the call, and Jiang Cheng stared at the bright-screened mobile in his hand.

Was Lan Xichen growing bored of him? Their relationship was complicated, no doubt, it wasn’t any secret that their match had been a power move, two of the biggest families in Suzhou, united in an act of politically motivated showmanship.

But Jiang Cheng had thought they had come to care for each other, despite neither having been the other’s choice. Lan Xichen was a kind and caring man, and an attentive alpha mate, and Jiang Cheng tried his best to be a good omega. Despite his quick temper, neediness, and easily embarrassed nature, he did try to be as good to his alpha as Lan Xichen was to him.

Perhaps with mixed results.

And that must be why the other was pulling away, having had enough of having to pander to him, to address the flaws in his character, and yes, in his body.

Jiang Cheng whined low in his throat, as he acknowledged the white elephant in the room. It must be, in part, because their matings hadn’t taken yet. Despite numerous heats shared together, he had yet to become pregnant. He was failing in an omega’s most basic function, and powerful dynasties, like the families they both came from, required heirs, and he wasn’t providing.

What was the point in bringing an omega into the family if he couldn’t breed?

Lan Xichen said it didn’t matter, things would happen in their own time, but that was just Lan Xichen, being nice, paying lip service. If it wasn’t an issue why was it in every gossip magazine? Every tabloid newspaper?

Taunting headlines about separate bedrooms and a lack of intimacy between the Lan heir and the Jiang heir, married for convenience, to further two powerhouses of political and economic might, but cold and distant with each other.

Until a few weeks ago they couldn’t have been further from the truth, he had fallen asleep in his husband’s arms every night, and they shared a full and mutually satisfying sex life, even outside of his heat cycles.

He was assured by the specialists he had consulted that there was no physical reason for it, that everything was in perfect working order; Lan Xichen had even supported him, attended the appointments with him, even submitted himself to a physical examination and tests to ensure there was no problems on his side either.

Jiang Cheng had been pleased to find that out that the kidnapping he had suffered as a young adult had left him with no lingering effects other than a pervasive fear of the dark.

Which meant it was him. He wasn’t broken medically, he was just broken.

Had Lan Xichen gone back to the lover he had stopped seeing in readiness for their marriage? Had he finally had enough of a mate that didn’t provide the things he should?

Who could blame him? Maybe these were the first tentative steps towards divorce?

He unlocked his phone and dialled.

“Wen Qing, can I talk to you?”

“I’m not your therapist, A-Cheng.”

“Your monthly invoice says differently. You’re damned expensive for someone who isn’t,” he snapped, and she snorted.

“I have a client in half an hour, but I’ll give you a call before I go home. It will be around five, alright?”

He agreed and they hung up.

***

He tried to process her advice that night as he lay in the bath he had taken to try and relax a little. The gist of their conversation had said he could drive himself silly with the what ifs, the suppositions, and the only way he’d get any closure on the issue was to ask Lan Xichen directly.

And that he should also talk to the other about his needs, that he missed the other and wanted attention.

Out of the two, Jiang Cheng thought the latter was the least likely to pass his lips. How pathetic would it make him seem to be begging his own husband for attention?

He was that pathetic though, he really, really wanted to.

He bathed, changed for bed, and, ensuring the small lamp near his side of the bed was on, settled down to sleep in a bed that seemed all too empty, because Lan Xichen wasn’t in it beside him.

***

It must have been the sound of the thunder that awoke him, as he shot upright in bed, and began to panic. The room was pitch dark, and he felt his chest tightening and his breathing speeding to shallow pants in immediate reaction to the darkness. He mewled; a lost child. It was oppressive, and closing in on him ever faster.

“Wanyin?” Lan Xichen’s voice sounded, clear and soothing by his ear. “Damn.” There was some scrabbling around, then a flare of light in the darkness. “Here, take this, baby.” Lan Xichen’s phone, with the torch function on full, was pressed into his shaking hands, and he waved it wildly around the room, checking in the shadows while the other gave him space to ensure he was safe.

Eventually he calmed enough to accept Lan Xichen’s arms around him, as he was pulled into the other’s lap and hugged tightly.

“You’re safe, sweetness, you’re safe here with me.” Lan Xichen kept up the steady, soft, stream of reassurance, stroking his hair and kissing wherever his lips landed until Jiang Cheng regained some measure of control over himself.

He didn’t have quite enough to control his tongue, however, “Don’t leave me, Xichen, please don’t leave me. I’m trying so hard to be better for you. I am.”

The stroking hand paused, then slid to his shoulders and held him away from Lan Xichen’s chest so the other could look at him, “What do you mean, Wanyin? Of course I’m not going to leave you, I know you don’t like the dark, it’s not a surprise to me. I’ll hold you until dawn or the power comes back on. I don’t mind.”

“B-but you’re avoiding me. You’re staying at work all the time now, like you don’t want to be with me, or you’re seeing someone e-else.” It could only be described as a wail, and Jiang Cheng hated himself for it, but he couldn’t stop now the dam had burst. “I kn-know I haven’t given you heirs yet, but I’m trying my b-best.”

“Wanyin? Why…” Lan Xichen sucked in a breath, then moved his hands up to cup his face gently, “you silly thing, we’ve discussed this again and again. I don’t care. It will happen when it happens, or it won’t, and that’s fine too,” Lan Xichen’s thumbs rubbed over Jiang Cheng’s cheeks, wiping away the tears, “I’m working late because I’m trying to clear my schedule early, before your next heat cycle. I’ve been looking for places we can get away from the city and take it easy for a while, and you might relax enough to enjoy yourself a little more, instead of worrying incessantly about something that is so completely out of your control.”

Of course, Lan Xichen’s words only made him cry harder, and try to wrap himself around the other.

“And how could I consider seeing someone else? Who would ever match up to my beautiful omega? No one else smells of lotus and soft spring rain on a lake like you, no one else has that fiery, challenging gaze for me,” Lan Xichen feathered his lips against Jiang Cheng’s jawline, and he preened at the praise falling from the other’s lips, hmming his approval, “and no one else would look half as divine spread across our bed, tousled and well-loved and marked so completely as mine, as you do.”

Jiang Cheng growled, “Yes, I want that, show me, alpha, Xichen, show me I’m yours.”

Lan Xichen pulled the torch phone out of Jiang Cheng’s hands, and placed it besides them, so it still cast a glow, and pushed forward to pin the other beneath him. “As my omega wishes.”

***

Jiang Cheng lay back against the unfamiliar-smelling bed, while Lan Xichen rubbed gently at the arch of his right foot. He had never considered his feet erogenous zones but the way Lan Xichen touched him, anywhere, everywhere, so possessively, so soothingly, with such an intent to relax, to make love to. He made a soft, light sound of delight, surrender, and contentment in his throat, which was mirrored by a more aggressive sound in his alpha’s.

The bed would soon be flooded in the scent of their pheromones, overwhelming whatever neutral washing agent the hotel used, when his heat hit in earnest.

But at the moment he was riding it’s edge, extremely sensitive, a little excited, by the nearness of his alpha, but too relaxed to move. That would change soon enough, but he intended to enjoy this for as long as he could.

He was so lucky, to be this cared for, to be this precious to someone. He still felt so guilty that he had suspected Lan Xichen of having an affair, when the other had been working hard to provide an environment where the mate he knew was so tense and stressed about their inability to fall pregnant, could relax, let go, and forget about the newspapers, the pressure of his family, and just enjoy what should, after all, be a  pleasure-filled few days, worshipped by his alpha, like any beautiful omega should be.

“I love you.” The words were out before Jiang Cheng realised, and he would have slapped a hand over his mouth, but the deep, pleased, possessive sound that came from Lan Xichen’s throat made his toes curl.

He felt a flush of heat begin to run through every nerve ending in his body at the same moment Lan Xichen released his ankle, and moved between his lifted knees, almost more tuned in to Jiang Cheng’s heat than he was himself. He looked dangerous, and hungry as he lowered his head to mouth at the pulse pounding at Jiang Cheng’s throat as the room flooded with the smell of lotus lakes in spring.

“Love you too,” he raised his head briefly to reciprocate, before returning back to sucking a mark against Jiang Cheng’s throat.

***

It had been a wonderful idea, to take this away from the city, from all the factors pressing expectation down on Jiang Cheng, and they decided to stay for a day longer than Lan Xichen had originally planned, as they were both exhausted after a very pleasurable heat spent worshipping each other.

It became a regular thing, and it was no surprise to Lan Xichen, who had theorised privately, that it was probably the stress of expectation and regard on Jiang Cheng, that was causing the problems, that it wasn’t too many heats later that they were cuddled on their bed together awaiting the results of the chemist-bought pregnancy test Jiang Cheng had purchased on his way back from the office earlier that evening.

He had sat through so many hopeful tests himself, only to have them come back negative, Jiang Cheng was almost too terrified to look after the required time. He hadn’t wanted to expose Lan Xichen to this side of him, the failed omega, desperate to fulfil his purpose and obsessed with his inability to do so, but he felt that this time, even if it was negative he was in a better place to deal with that, with his alpha, his mate, his husband, by his side.

It was positive, however, and it was a long time before Jiang Cheng was coherent enough at the news to discuss it with Lan Xichen, who held him close as he went from elated to terrified and back again over and over again.

The feelings only abated a little that night in bed, where they lay together in the soft sheen of the lamp behind Jiang Cheng, talking about their future.

“You’ll have to cut back on those ridiculous coffees you drink, baby.” Lan Xichen teased him gently, and Jiang Cheng frowned unhappily.

“Ugh, but where are the gossip mags going to get their photos from if I don’t go to the coffee shop?” He grinned suddenly, “I can’t wait to maternity it up, they are going to get so many baby bump shots. Infertile, separate beds, hah,” he ground his teeth in irritation, then forgot it just as quickly as he went through another plateau of delight at the thought their child growing tenaciously in his belly.

#xichengclipse2020 #xicheng #alpha/beta/omega verse #mpreg #struggling to become pregnant #mdzs fanfic #Shay's stuff

[enbyleighlines]

This is prompt 3 of 3! Thank you again for so many amazing drabble requests! I’ve really enjoyed working on these

Here is Jiang Cheng / Nie Huaisang: Flowers

—

Jiang Cheng quickly realizes that there is one downside to taking Nie Huaisang to a zoo for their first date. Namely, that it sets a prescedent for more unconventional dates. It’s not like he can fall back on the traditional dinner and a movie. Nie Huaisang’s expectations are probably a lot higher than that.

So after some deliberation, and some internet research, Jiang Cheng decides to take Nie Huaisang to a botanical garden.

On the drive over, however, Jiang Cheng starts to doubt himself. Is a botanical garden too grandiose for a second date? Or perhaps it’s too archaic? Will Nie Huaisang think Jiang Cheng is trying too hard?

These thoughts plague Jiang Cheng until he arrives. Then he catches sight of Nie Huaisang, and his frontal cortex momentarily shuts off.

Nie Huaisang is wearing sunglasses and a wide-brimmed sunhat, with a vibrant yellow flower tucked into a green ribbon. They also have on a short-sleeve blouse with a high collar and pearl-like buttons, jean capris, and sandals with more flower-themed buckles. They look like a preppy socialite, but somehow they make it look good.

It’s eerie, how just one glance can make Jiang Cheng feel like he’s gone braindead. He shakes his head, forcing his mind to reboot. Then he strides over.

“Hey, Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng calls.

Nie Huaisang removes their sunglasses, and gives Jiang Cheng a smile that reaches all the way up to their eyes. “Cheng-xiong,” Nie Huaisang greets, “Hi! I hope you brought sunscreen.”

“Sunscreen?” Jiang Cheng repeats dumbly.

“Yes, sunscreen!” Nie Huaisang pulls forward a small bag they had on their back, and fishes out a tube of sunscreen. “We’re going to have clear skies all day. I brought some extra water, too, in case we get thirsty.”

Jiang Cheng marvels as Nie Huaisang cups his hand and squeezes some of the sunscreen into the palm. Their hands are so soft.

“You really thought of everything,” Jiang Cheng says. He can still feel the warmth of Nie Huaisang’s touch even after they pull away. The effect is only slightly lessened when he begins rubbing the cool sunscreen into his skin.

Nie Huaisang shrugs and looks away. “I like to be prepared.”

Jiang Cheng knows that Nie Huaisang can get a little dodgy about compliments. That’s only one of Huaisang’s many oddities and complexities. They can be so confident one minute, and so bashful the next. Even after being friends for years, Jiang Cheng is still figuring them out.

“Anyway,” Nie Huaisang swiftly shifts the subject, “Which path do you want to take first? I’ve never been here, so you can lead the way.”

“I’ve never been here before, either.”

Nie Huaisang blinks. “Really?” They ask, “How’d you know this place existed? I’ve never even heard of it!”

Jiang Cheng winces, but he stays honest. “I did an internet search.”

There’s a second of silence, and then Nie Huaisang bursts into a stream of delighted giggles. It’s the kind of full-body laugh that makes the skin around their eyes wrinkle.

Jiang Cheng flushes. “Hey—”

“That’s cute,” Nie Huaisang interrupts, before Jiang Cheng can get the wrong idea, “That’s so cute! Cheng-xiong, you’re too cute.”

Now Jiang Cheng flushes for a different reason. He glowers off into the distance, since he can’t muster the nerve to glare at Nie Huaisang directly. Jiang Cheng has never thought about himself as cute before. He wants to keep being cute, for Huaisang.

“Sorry, I’ll stop laughing.” Nie Huaisang reaches over to take Jiang Cheng’s wrist. Their thumb presses against his pulse. “Let’s head into the garden.”

—

The botanical garden is, Jiang Cheng learns, far more interesting than he had anticipated. He chose it only because he knows Nie Huaisang likes pretty scenery, and what could be prettier than a giant garden? But even Jiang Cheng finds himself mesmerized by the vast array of plants. He had no idea there were so many different kinds of trees.

It’s kind of like walking through an enchanted forest. The narrow pebble paths lead them in winding circles, over a babbling brook, through curtains of willow trees, and into a maze of flowers.

Nie Huaisang is insatiable. They keep stopping to take pictures with their small camera. They even take the time to read the carved stone plaques detailing each plant’s scientific name. Their eyes burn with a fire Jiang Cheng remembers from their first date, in the wolf enclosure. Jiang Cheng also learns that when Nie Huaisang is in laser focus mode, little can be done to win back their attention.

But there’s something about standing back and watching Nie Huaisang get all fired up over mundane things that makes Jiang Cheng supremely happy.

The flower maze is not only a feast for the eyes, but for the nose, as well. The fragrance in the open air is crisp and not overwhelming, like it might have been in an enclosed space. The flowers themselves almost look unreal. They are far more varied than Jiang Cheng thought possible. Many droop like bells, while others have intricate patterns on the petals.

Nie Huaisang all but swoons over them. They spend the most time by the orchids, admiring the unique shapes and textures of the petals.

Some of the orchids are so strange that they seem like they belong on a different planet. Jiang Cheng catches sight of one with feathered edges, like the wings of a bird. The scientific name reads: ‘Habenaria radiata’.

“Hey,” Jiang Cheng says, “Come check this one out.”

Nie Huaisang turns and loudly gasps. “A white egret orchid!” They coo, and squat down to get eye level with them.

“A white what?”

Nie Huaisang doesn’t dare tear their gaze away as they breathlessly explain, “A great white egret is a kind of bird. It’s also called a great white heron. They’re my favorite kind of shorebird. So elegant, just like these flowers.”

The flowers are indeed very pretty, but Jiang Cheng can’t help but stare at Nie Huaisang.

Their eyes are sparkling, their lips parted and soft, their faint smile hypnotizing... Jiang Cheng takes in all of these features, trying to imprint it in his memory. Nie Huaisang is so... cute. Not just on a surface level, but all the way down to their big, easily overexcited heart. How did it take Jiang Cheng this long to see it?

But that’s not quite right. Jiang Cheng has always seen how special Nie Huaisang is, it’s just he’s never allowed himself to focus on it before. If he did, he might have to investigate his attraction to them.

Such a thing would have been impossible, when Jiang Cheng was so insecure about his manhood. Now he’s free to admire Nie Huaisang’s beauty all he wants.

Nor is he limited to simply stand back and stare.

When Nie Huaisang straightens back up, Jiang Cheng tilts their head towards him with a finger.

Nie Huaisang’s breath catches, their lips still parted and soft.

Jiang Cheng leans forward, in a soundless request for permission. Huaisang meets him halfway, joining their mouths with a breathy sigh.

Conscious of their location, Jiang Cheng keeps their kiss short and sweet. Yet, when he pulls away, Nie Huaisang seems dazed, like they’re waking from a deep dream.

“What was that for?” They whisper.

But Jiang Cheng can’t give voice to his thoughts. He’s never been good at that, and besides, it would probably just come out wrong. So he kisses them again, on the lips, and then one peck for each cheek.

Nie Huaisang giggles under the barrage of affection. Their skin is warm with a blush that makes their face rosy pink.

“Jiang Cheng,” Nie Huaisang murmurs, speaking softly into the space where they’re sharing the same air, “Thank you for taking me out. I’m... I’m so happy.”

Jiang Cheng cups Huaisang’s flushed face in his hands and gives them another kiss on the mouth. This one lingers, with Jiang Cheng savoring the sweet, vaguely minty taste of Huaisang’s breath.

They part again. Nie Huaisang giggles. “Jiang Cheng,” he pleads, “Say something.”

“I appreciate your passion for this stuff,” Jiang Cheng tries, “You just... appreciate things so damn much.” He hopes Nie Huaisang understands what he’s trying to say, because he’s sure he’s messing this up. “It’s... cute.”

“You’re cute,” Nie Huaisang retorts.

“Thanks,” he returns, awkwardly.

“Mm.” Nie Huaisang presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s nose.

And then they continue on down the path of flowers. Jiang Cheng holds Nie Huaisang’s hand in his, fingers interlocked. It’s incredibly romantic, and Jiang Cheng immediately feels good about the location he’s picked for their date.

He’s just going to have to keep getting creative for their subsequent dates...

#sangcheng #asks #drabbles #leigh’s writing #mo dao zu shi #mdzs modern au

[poetatertot]

It’s Not So Bad (In LA): part three

The thing about living with the person you’re avoiding is that there’s no way to avoid them.

Jiang Cheng makes it exactly fifteen hours before Wei Wuxian is in his space again. He does his best to ignore him, but Wei Wuxian isn’t someone you can just ignore. He exists in a perpetual state of noise.

Like a goose, Jiang Cheng thinks, watching him squawk and drop the remote.

“Jiang Cheng, can you get that?”

He looks back at his computer. “No.”

“But it’s closer to you.”

“And you have arms. Use them.”

Wei Wuxian sighs loudly. Jiang Cheng watches him roll off the couch like an undignified slug and wriggle his way towards the remote. 

The bridge, a-Cheng. Mend the bridge.

“You know,” he says, testing the waters. God, is he going to regret this? “I might.. Um.”

Wei Wuxian peers up at him from the carpet.

“Lan Xichen,” he tries again. His voice is already sticking in his throat. “He’s very..” 

“Handsome?” Wei Wuxian supplies. “Dashing? Eye-meltingly gorgeous?”

Jiang Cheng’s face burns. “Shut up.”

Wei Wuxian sits up so fast he nearly collides with the coffee table. “Oh my God,” he breathes, crawling up onto Jiang Cheng’s chair. “Don’t tell me! You want my help after all? Is this real?”

“Get off of me!” Jiang Cheng smacks at him. “Your breath stinks like shrimp chips!”

“My baby brother is finally coming to me for love advice!” Wei Wuxian cackles gleefully. “Ling-er? Ling-er! Call the press, your uncle—”

Jiang Cheng slaps a hand over his mouth. “Would it kill you not to be annoying for five minutes?”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian mumbles behind his palm, and then licks him.

“Forget it!” Jiang Cheng tries shoving his brother off, but Wei Wuxian is an octopus coming in for the kill. He’s holding onto Jiang Cheng tight enough to cut off blood supply. “You’re obnoxious—I don’t even know why I bother!”

“Because you looove mee,” Wei Wuxian sings, grin splitting wide. “I’m your favoritest brother in the whole wide world!”

Jiang Cheng glares at him. “You’re my only brother.”

“I know!”

Wei Wuxian’s laughter rings out around them as Jiang Cheng settles back into the cushions. If he’s not going to move, they might as well get comfortable. Squirming only makes Wei Wuxian more insufferable.

Annoying. But then, wasn’t he always?

Silence settles between them. Jiang Cheng can feel Wei Wuxian’s eyes on him as he surfs the web for a second-hand car stereo, but he won’t break the peace. Cold as he might be, he doesn’t like the distance arguments bring—the awkwardness, the walking on eggshells. It doesn’t suit them.

 Wei Wuxian is all he has left, after all. 

“I didn’t mean to push,” Wei Wuxian murmurs after a while. They’re both examining a promising model on eBay. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Jiang Cheng replies. And he technically is. He has a roof over his head. He has a strong nephew with a promising future. He has a job, and a car that mostly works.

“But you could be happier,” Wei Wuxian says, reading his mind. “It shouldn’t always be about surviving paycheck to paycheck. I..” He bites his lip. “I want you to live.”

It hurts. It fucking hurts, needling down into Jiang Cheng’s insecurities and jabbing furiously. Because he isn’t living, is he? This life they share—working, eating, sleeping, Jin Ling’s schedule fit into the cracks—is something, but it isn’t what Jiang Cheng had hoped for. It isn’t what either of them had hoped for. 

It takes every ounce of strength to quell his pride. He can’t even look at Wei Wuxian. 

“I don’t know how,” he admits. How to move on. How to become the After  instead of the Before. How to mend the gaping, infected wound in his heart that’s persisted for so many years.

“Then let me help you,” Wei Wuxian says. 

And really, what else can Jiang Cheng do but say yes?

☁️

The plan is simple. 

“You didn’t need to come with me.” Jiang Cheng sets Zidian into park, ignoring her wheezing. “I could have done this alone.”

“And chicken out at the last second?” Wei Wuxian snorts and turns around. “Come on, Ling-er. It’s time to get your uncle a date.” Jin Ling salutes from the back seat.

The family meeting they’d had the night before was embarrassing, to say the least. Jin Ling pulled out his poster paper and markers. Wei Wuxian got them meeting snacks. Jiang Cheng had to sit in the armchair—or, as Wei Wuxian renamed it, The Hot Seat.

“So what do we know so far?” Wei Wuxian tapped his marker on his lip. “Any takers?”

Jin Ling raised his hand. “Coach smiles at him a lot.”

Jiang Cheng flushes. “He smiles at everyone! And—why are  you helping with this?”

The look Jin Ling gives him is a little too much like Wei Wuxian’s. They really need to stop hanging out alone together.

“Okay, okay.” Wei Wuxian writes down open to approach. “What else? Oh, I know! He seems like he’d be too polite to turn down a date. That has to count for something, right?”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng grits. “I don’t want to  corner him!”

“Nonsense. It doesn’t count as cornering if he wants to go!” Wei Wuxian writes down another point. “And.. let’s see. He asked about you when I picked Ling-er up—”

“He  did? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I didn’t think anything of it!” Wei Wuxian huffs. “Stop interrupting! You’re not even helping.”

Jiang Cheng sits back, thoughts swirling. “What.. what did he say?”

“I forgot.”

“Wei Wuxian!”

“When can we be done?” Jin Ling asks. “I want to go play with my Legos.”

After a bout of arguing, they move on to  approach. Whatever that means. 

“Wear that purple shirt I bought you last Christmas,” Wei Wuxian says. “When you ask him. It goes really well with your complexion.”

“And the doggy socks!” Jin Ling chips in. 

Purple shirt. Doggy socks. Wei Wuxian stands back looking satisfied—and frowns. “Oh, wait.” He adds another point: Wear extra deodorant.

“Are you saying I  smell?”

“I’m saying you’re a hormonal guy!” Wei Wuxian ducks under a thrown pillow. “You get sweaty! It’s a known fact—back me up, Ling-er!”

“It’s true,” Jiang Cheng’s nephew nods. The traitor. “He got all sweaty just looking at Coach.”

Jiang Cheng sinks into the cushions. “You guys are awful.”

But here they are anyway. Thursday morning, packed in Zidian like they’re on a family mission. Jiang Cheng even wore the doggy socks.

“Wait, no,” Wei Wuxian says. “Take a deep breath. You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Jiang Cheng feels like he’s going to pass out. “Is this even appropriate? I mean—he’s a-Ling’s coach!”

“And  you’re a handsome guy who’s going to miss his shot after tomorrow! Come on, a-Cheng. Don’t fail me now!” Wei Wuxian explodes out of the car before Jiang Cheng can strangle him. “Ling-er! Grab your backpack!”

They shuffle through the front doors in a pack: Jin Ling at the front, Jiang Cheng in the middle, Wei Wuxian at the back. Jiang Cheng suspects this is so he can’t escape into the bathroom. Not that he would do that. Would he?

Oh god, he thinks. I have to pee.

“Good morning!” Mianmian chirps. Her eyes flit over them. “Oh, the whole crew! How sweet.”

“Good morning Mianmian,” Wei Wuxian sings, because he has no shame. “Your nails are looking lovely today.”

“And so are you!” She winks. “8-12’s are out on the blacktop today. Do you have any questions?”

Wei Wuxian leans in. “Yes, actually. You said Lan Xichen’s been working here for years, correct? Just how long would that be?”

Mianmian taps her pen to one cheek. “Oh, let’s see. He started taking on summer camps while he was still in college, I think? It was three years before I was hired, so that makes it six years now? Yes! Six years.” She smiles. “You can really tell he’s a schoolteacher, watching him work. The kids just love him.”

A strangled noise rips out of Jiang Cheng’s throat. A schoolteacher? The image of Lan Xichen in a sweater vest and tie pops into his brain. What must he look like standing at the board? Grading tests at his desk with his hair falling around him? Rolling up his sleeves to—wait.

Wei Wuxian slides him a little smirk. Jiang Cheng doesn’t want to know what kind of expression he’s wearing right now. “I see. Thanks, Mianmian.”

They make the torturous walk down the hall. Jiang Cheng’s never been so damn sweaty staring at macaroni art in his life. Is this what hell is like?

Wei Wuxian practically kicks the doors open. “Lan Xichen! We’re here!”

I’ll kill him, Jiang Cheng decides. I’ll kill him and then drive Zidian into oncoming traffic.

Coach Lan Xichen has never looked so good. Or has he? Jiang Cheng doesn’t know. He’s the most gorgeous man on Earth as far as Jiang Cheng is concerned, especially in those skinny jeans and that soft blue polo that brings out his eyes, and—is that a headband?

Jiang Cheng really needs to pee.

“I can’t do this,” he hisses frantically in Wei Wuxian’s ear. Jin Ling is already bounding across the blacktop to hug Lan Xichen’s leg. “This is crazy.”

“No,  you’re crazy for throwing your chance away!” Wei Wuxian snipes back. “Here we go!”

“No, wait—”

“Lan Xichen!” Wei Wuxian calls. He walks right up, all white teeth and messy hair, and slings his arm around Lan Xichen’s shoulder. Jiang Cheng wants to bury himself alive. “Do you have any plans this evening?”

Lan Xichen, to his credit, doesn’t flinch away. He does give Wei Wuxian a bemused smile like he’s questioning his sanity. “I spend my evenings walking my dog and making dinner. So, yes, if that counts?”

“Wow, Jiang Cheng! Did you hear that? He has a dog!”

Jiang Cheng can’t take it anymore. He runs up, yanking on Wei Wuxian’s other arm. “I’m so sorry,” he manages, tugging furiously. “He’s adopted, I swear.”

Lan Xichen actually laughs. Jiang Cheng’s legs promptly turn to jelly. “It’s not a problem,” he says, smiling. “Do you like dogs too?”

Jiang Cheng nods dumbly. “I—yes. Little dogs. Big dogs. They’re amazing.” Oh god, somebody shut him up. 

“Can he come and see yours?” Wei Wuxian butts in. “You know. For dog purposes?”

“What?” Lan Xichen asks.

“What he  means—” Jiang Cheng pinches Wei Wuxian’s forearm until he squeaks and jerks away— “is that. Um. Can I..”

I can’t do this. 

“Can you..?” Lan Xichen echoes, nodding. He’s so undyingly patient. Jiang Cheng could kiss him.

Do not think about kissing him!

“What I mean is. Um. If you want. Would you..” Jiang Cheng sucks in a shallow breath. “Wouldyouliketogogetcoffeeafterthis.”

Lan Xichen blinks once. Twice. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t catch that. Could you..?”

Forget jelly, Jiang Cheng’s legs are going to disintegrate entirely. Why didn’t he just go to the bathroom?!

“Coffee!” he blurts. “I want to take you to get coffee!”

Silence.

Lan Xichen stares open mouthed. Wei Wuxian looks positively gleeful, all raised eyebrows and poorly-covered giggles. The kids already on the blacktop are all looking over. Jin Ling has his face in his hands.

This is it. Jiang Cheng is going to pack his bags and move to Canada, or maybe Newfoundland, some place where nobody can ever find him ever again, because if he has to take one more second of this he’s going to—

“Alright.”

Jiang Cheng’s internal screaming cuts off. “What?”

Lan Xichen smiles, then: soft, that dangerous dimple appearing, eyes crinkling into two crescent moons. His cheeks are pink and it’s such a nice contrast from the blue shirt that Jiang Cheng is almost distracted by what he’s saying.

“I’ll have coffee with you—although, is it alright that I order tea? I fear coffee and I don’t mix well.”

Lan Xichen could order a pint of vomit and Jiang Cheng would be over the moon. “Yes,” he squeaks. “That’s—um. That’s fine.”

“Excellent.” And then Lan Xichen smiles  again, wide and bright like that first day they’d met, and Jiang Cheng is so far gone he’s practically on Saturn. “I’m afraid I have to get back to the kids now, but perhaps we could discuss this over text..?”

Text. Text.    

Jiang Cheng pats his pants frantically before realizing it’s tucked into his shirt pocket. “Uh. Here.” He nearly drops it in his haste to pass it over. “You can put your number in as a new contact.”

There’s a moment of suspended reality where Jiang Cheng is watching Lan Xichen use his shitty purple keyboard phone and Wei Wuxian is watching Jiang Cheng have a mental breakdown. Then Lan Xichen is passing his phone back, smiling, and Jiang Cheng really needs to pee, but he’d rather piss himself than break this moment.

“There,” Lan Xichen says. “I’ll be expecting your call.” He nods at Jiang Cheng and then Wei Wuxian, dimple popping. “Have a good day Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian.”

“See you later!” Wei Wuxian chirps with a wink. It’s all Jiang Cheng can do to wave.

They make it through the hallway, out the door, and into Zidian before Jiang Cheng finally realizes he has lungs and needs to breathe. He exhales shakily. 

Wei Wuxian beams from the passenger seat. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He flicks on the radio. It’s still staticy and terrible—the new radio doesn’t come for another few days—but soft vocals warble out above the mess, determined to shine through. He begins singing along.

Jiang Cheng smiles into the rearview mirror as he backs out. There’s no need to worry, Jiejie, he decides. Maybe everything is going to be okay.

Wei Wuxian is melodic in a way that once made Jiang Cheng jealous. Now, he can’t help but join in. He has a reason to sing again: a real-life, honest-to-god date with Lan Xichen. 

The clouds are burning away to bare blue sky. The trees are all in permanent bloom, green leaves and bright buds in the lazy summer breeze. The world is  warm,  waiting for Jiang Cheng to join it, and  god  is he ready to.

It really isn’t so bad in LA, he thinks, and drives home to plan for his date.

Thank you so much for reading! I’ve combined and edited all three parts and added an extra scene (yes, the actual date) on AO3. You can find the linking post here.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jiang cheng #lan xichen #xicheng #mdzs fic #potato writes

[chapitre7]

Alexandria Chapter VII (End)

The Untamed [陈情令] | Mo Dao Zu Shi [魔道祖师] fanfiction

Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji/Wei Yīng | Wei Wuxian (Wangxian)

Time Travel/Sci-Fi AU

Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI

Read on AO3

“Make sure to tell uncle that the academics at the Observatory find my ideas ingenious and that they’re all glad to have me.”

 “Mn.”

 “Tell him that they’ve said I have a natural talent for engineering and that they’re including me in a project before my studies are even over!”

 “Mn.”

 “We’re going to build our own little envoy to travel across space, Lan Zhan! Can you believe that?”

 Lan Zhan looks up from his pad at that, lips kissing Wei Ying’s temple before his head lies on Lan Zhan’s shoulder, its natural place.

 “Congratulations, Wei Ying.”

 Wei Ying turns his attention from own pad to beam up at Lan Zhan, pecking him on the lips before kicking the blanket off his feet, jumping down from the couch to hop towards the window. He lets his eyes travel across the brilliant night sky of Qishan, losing himself in questions. What was out there, beyond what his eyes could see? He had already learned so much at the Observatory, but he wanted to know more, see more. What manners of life were out there? What sort of colors, what sort of surfaces, what mountains and rivers, what flowers and sounds? Would he be able to see the birth of a star? He had been such a fool. He thought the world had an end and that he had reached it, but he had just stopped asking questions.

Shifting his attention, Wei Ying focuses on the reflection on the glass. Lan Zhan sits on the couch, typing a letter to his uncle that is both formal and personal, speaking of his achievements and his contentment. His feet are propped up on a low table, a minimal step toward foregoing propriety. His hair is still damp, messy after he himself ran his fingers through it, in all the little ways Wei Ying thinks him rebellious, unrestrained, comfortable in his own skin. He’s nothing like Wei Ying, who can’t keep his whole body on the couch at all times, always dangling sideways, one way or another, clinging or draping across Lan Zhan, shamelessly. His own reflection shows a young man, hair slightly longer than the norm, clad in cotton red robes that are both appropriate and reminiscent of a different Wei Ying. He smiles at himself, finger touching the glass, and in the space that he and Lan Zhan created for themselves, seemingly such a long, long time ago, before everything, before the ice and Wei Ying’s travels, out of order in the order of the universe but right in all the chronology of his heart, in the trusted intimacy between cultivator and his own confidante, Wei Ying allows himself to reminisce.

 “Lan Zhan,” he asks, eyes going out of focus entirely. “Do you still marry in red?”

 He doesn’t see Lan Zhan stopping his administrations on the pad, doesn’t notice him looking up at him with wide eyes.

 “You know, the last event I took part in Yunmeng was my sister’s wedding. I wasn’t entirely happy because it meant she was leaving, and that was actually what made me think about leaving too, but... Anyway, it was beautiful, you know? There was never a more beautiful event in Yunmeng, and there was never a more beautiful bride than my sister, wearing red and gold and the happiest smile I ever saw on her.”

 He looks up again, at the once called Nightless City, still as stunning as it once was, with the Observatory sitting at the highest spot on the land, aiming up, always looking up, at the boundless infinity.

 “I have so many memories of sister. She practically raised me because uncle Jiang and the Madame were... they had a sect to run and a son to train, and she wasn’t there when I left, so my last memory of her is the wedding and her following departure. She talked about the future like it was this amazing thing, and how no matter how far we were, she, Jiang Cheng and I would always be the closest we could be. And it... slipped my mind after a while.”

 Lan Zhan wraps an arm around his middle, gently pulls him back, against him, but says nothing to break his train of thought.

 “Jiang Cheng was so angry that I wanted to leave Yunmeng, and everybody looked so disappointed that—... I traveled until I didn’t know what I was looking for anymore, and I didn’t think I had anywhere to return to. But once I jumped into the water, I knew I had made a mistake, and I wanted to go back, but it was too late. I remember now, that my last thought was that they’d be disappointed in me in they knew. Even sister.”

 Lan Zhan speaks his name with indescribable emotion, low enough only for Wei Ying to hear, right next to his ear, his hold tightening, grounding him once again in the present they shared. Wei Ying looks up again, not at anything in particular, not at the constellations or the strokes of colors in the clouds; hr just rests his head back against Lan Zhan’s shoulders, hand rising to the glass on the window, ready to draw a new pattern, away from those last moments in dark waters.

 “Lan Zhan, nowadays, I keep seeing things that would make sister happy. All the homes of the sects that we learned and knew have changed drastically with the times, but children are still curious of all the things we have yet to see. There’s as much white as there is black in the world, as there will always be, and there are so many beautiful things in the middle, where we walk.” He laughs, turning in Lan Zhan’s half-embrace, resting his hands on shoulders that carry so much on them. “Am I making any sense? I’m rambling again.”

 Wei Ying doesn’t see the sheet on Lan Zhan’s other hand until he’s thrown it over him, hooding over his head, trailing down his back, all the way to the floor. Lan Zhan’s skin glows with the dim lights of the living room, so reminiscent of their late nights at the facility that Wei Ying doesn’t question it, embraces it, like he sees him covered in the night, illuminated by campfire, like they’re the wandering cultivation partners of his silliest reveries. Lan Zhan adjusts the sheet over him, so it doesn’t fall off, and Wei Ying, blushing bright like it’s the first time Lan Zhan has doted on him, such clear affection in every gesture, can only stare back at him with wide eyes.

 “Wei Ying,” he begins, adjusting Wei Ying’s hair under the sheet. “I’ll go to Yunmeng with you.”

 Wei Ying gapes like a fish out of water, like the many holograms at the Gusu hall.

 “We can find someplace where you can send your respects to your family and you can say everything you want to tell them.”

 “We can do that?”

 Lan Zhan tilts his head in a way that tells him he’s being silly again, and Wei Ying follows with a breathless laughter.

 “I mean, of course we can, I just...”

 Lan Zhan fills his ellipses with a kiss on his forehead, and Wei Ying inhales deeply, exhaling his worries and insecurities.

 “There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. They’ll be proud of who you are. I am...” His ears are red, Wei Ying can see them, just like he notices the biting on his lower lip, and the slight trembling of his hands. “Honored that I had a chance to know you, honored to be with you now, like this.”

 “Lan Zhan!”

 Wei Ying lounges at him, and the sheet almost slips off, but Lan Zhan catches him, pats the sheet back over Wei Ying’s hair as he mumbles against his chest.

 “You can’t just say things like that! I’m an old man, Lan Zhan, think of my poor heart!”

 He hears and feels the vibrations of Lan Zhan’s chuckle and he’s warm, so warm on that autumn night with a makeshift veil over his frame.

 “Let’s go to Yunmeng, Wei Ying.”

 He nods, humming his response like Lan Zhan often does.

 “What will it look like at this time of the year?”

 Wei Ying hums again. “It’s prettier in the summer.”

 Lan Zhan leans down slightly, he’s not too much taller, but he leans down just to whisper against Wei Ying’s ear.

 “And in the summer, would you like to marry in red?”

 Wei Ying can hear nothing but the loud beating of his heart after that, as he pulls away to look at his companion, his patient teacher and friend, his partner and beloved. I never even told him how much I love him, Wei Ying thinks, and the thought is all it takes before he’s pulling him down and kissing his lips, savoring his taste and his breath when they part, guiding him back to the couch where he doesn’t have to worry about staying upright anymore, not when his legs are weak, too weak to carry the weight of all that he feels and all that he thinks about him, them, and their future. He tells him in-between kisses, in-between laughs and uncontrollable noises, he tells his betrothed, as he pulls down the red robe of their promise, he tells him that he loves him, that he loved him in Gusu, that he loves him in Qishan, and that he loved him worlds away, before everything. And after they’re undone in each other’s arms, he tells him he’ll love him still when they’re old, old together despite the gap in time, and if he can meet him in the yet distant future, nothing can keep him from loving him again, a thousand years from now.

 Lan Zhan, a man of science, a man of culture and written words, does not question him. He’s a romantic in heart and soul, so he can only promise the same in return.

 Outside, Qishan never sleeps, as it never slept, and never will.

 ***

 The troupe comes every year, during the summer, and the city is bright with every the color of every flower that exists, the streets alive with festivities and music.

 The celebrations peak at night, when the band marches through the city of Yunmeng, playing songs that have survived generations, and that have yet to suffer from the indifference of the population. The elderly clap along to the tunes side by side with the children, and the adults and the teenagers take videos and pictures and share the elaborated dances with all of the world, everybody joining in the cheer.

 This year, there’s a man playing the dizi leading the troupe along, following or introducing every new melody as if he doesn’t even breathe. His red veil waves back and forth with the movements of his feet, secured in place, never faltering, and when he swirls, mesmerizing, he looks like he’s underwater, the soft fabric of his wedding garment swaying with grace, the golden jewelry in his hair tingling, complementing the music. He’s a sight never before seen, and the crowd loves him, throws flowers at his feet, wave at him from everywhere.

 His sharp, trained eyes never strays from the man in red that accompanies the troupe by the sidelines, in front of the crowd of Yunmeng citizens, and he winks at him, plays for him, dances, celebrates, loves him with everything that he is and does. Every now and then, Wei Ying thinks he sees a familiar face in the crowd. Jiang Cheng, rolling his eyes at his parade. Jiang Yanli, eyes sparkling with a baby in her arms. Wen Qing and Wen Ning, one exasperated and the other fascinated, enjoying the evening before going back to Yiling; he can’t accompany them, not anymore. He sees them all, old companions, old friends and family, and thinks about how lost he had to be to think he was ever alone. He twirls the black dizi Lan Zhan gave him in skilled fingers and plays a different song, the band promptly joining him, a song to scare the shadows away, a song to cleanse the soul, a song for joy. And no one but he can see how there are real shadows shying away from the crowd, vanishing into the night, resentment failing before the brilliance of his core.

 Out the corner of his eyes, he sees a small child, not older than six, peering up at him while adults carelessly shove him around with their legs. Wei Ying stops playing, heads in his direction, while the band marches on.

 “Hey there,” Wei Ying speaks loudly, over the music. “Do you like the dizi?”

 The boy nods, eyes big and round, taking in Wei Ying’s whole outfit. He’s red like fire, like passion, like the most beautiful flowers and the scorching dusk in the summer. He’s like everything that burns, but his touch is gentle, petting the boy’s head.

 “Where are your parents?”

 The boy’s eyes grow even bigger as he shakes his head and says nothing. Wei Ying can see his reflection on them, can see a child, lost in time, before a man, gentle and vibrant like a lotus flower, offering him a hand.

 “What’s your name?”

 “A... A-Yuan.”

 Wei Ying grins, happy and wide, because it’s his wedding night, and he offers the child his hand. He learned from Lan Zhan that time often repeats itself, in both the good and the bad, and it depends only on us which of the two sides prevails in the end.

 “Do you want to learn how to play the dizi, A-Yuan? We can hunt ghosts together!”

 A-Yuan blinks his eyes at him in obvious wonder. Wei Ying bites down a laughter, because he doesn’t want the child to think he’s joking in anything he’s offering.

 “We can hunt ghosts with a dizi?”

 “We sure can! And my husband can use the guqin, but he’s still pretty bad at it, so if you’re a really good student, you can be better than him!”

 Someone clears their throat and Wei Ying laughs before he peers up at his husband.

 “Lan Zhan! I’m not even lying!”

 “My teacher says I’m a model student.”

 “I’m your teacher too and I refute that claim!”

 “Only one of you has actually taught how to properly play a song from start to finish without straying from the sheet music.”

 “It’s called playing with your heart, Lan Zhan, and it has to be felt and not taught.”

 A-Yuan looks between the two men with wonder. The one crouched before him is beautiful with his veil but the other standing is beautiful as well, the golden embroidery on his clothes shining in the night. The child is used to adults yelling at him for stealing food, wholly unaccustomed to the playful banter between the adults, and smiles they don’t spare to each other or even to him.

 “What do you say, A-Yuan? Do you want to come with us?”

 He focuses on the man before him again, on his out-stretched hand and the tassel of the dizi that swishes around as if the man never stopped moving.

 So he takes the hand of the flutist, who swiftly picks him up in his arms. He squeaks and the man can only laugh, but it’s not mean, it’s warm, warm like the red he wears and that brightens up the whole of Yunmeng. The other man asks A-Yuan if he’s hungry, and he nods enthusiastically, making him smile a golden smile that makes A-Yuan shy, hiding his face away on the veiled stranger’s shoulder.

 “See, Lan Zhan? I keep telling you your smiles are too much to handle. Don’t worry, A-Yuan, you’ll have time to get used to how wonderful Lan Zhan is. He’s gonna pamper you rotten.”

 Wei Ying has never had a disciple. He’s never had much of a legacy, since he quit the Yunmeng Jiang sect and got frozen in ice before the world discovered that he was the most talented cultivator of his generation. But now he has Lan Zhan, and his promise of eternal companionship. He has young alumni from Gusu Facility running and laughing behind the troupe, celebrating their senior’s wedding, who look up at both him and Lan Zhan with stars in their eyes. He has research partners, he has a dream, and looking up at the sky of Yunmeng, he tells his family about the new family he’s found himself.

 He feels Lan Zhan’s hand rest on the middle of his back, in lieu of taking his hands, now full of A-Yuan. His husband looks exasperated and tired and happy, all at once, his eyes small and shining. Wei Ying gives him a wink, flashes an apologetic smile, but laughs despite himself, causing A-Yuan to shift in his arms to look at him.

 “Mister, are you going to play more?”

 “My disciple wants more? Okay, one more song, then we’re going to rest for the night!”

 Wei Ying sets A-Yuan down, and Lan Zhan instantly takes the child’s hand. They both look at Wei Ying as the spins his song, a song of Gusu, a song of peace, that harmonizes with the spirits of the living and the dead, sending all souls into peace and tranquility.

 That night, A-Yuan sleeps in the room of an equally beautiful mister called Xichen, who seems to think all things are funny. Wei Ying apologizes to his husband for his impulsive decision but Lan Zhan doesn’t even sigh, as he usually does, when Wei Ying acts impossible. He just lifts the veil, steals the words right out of Wei Ying’s throat, and loves him, whispering in Wei Ying’s ancient tongue, always meeting him where he is, crashing on him with the weight of the winds of the Cloud Recesses, where now sits the place where Wei Ying was reborn from ice, and Lan Zhan from fire.

 They’re warriors, both of them. Their names and tales already engraved in history, in libraries all over the land.

***

I'd like to thank everyone who stayed with me this far, for reading and leaving me messages and filling my heart. I'm not as good at replying to comments as I once was; I'm still getting used to how things are when I'm inspired and writing and having people following me. It's been long. This isn't my first Untamed story, I still have lingering WIPs from September, but it's the first that made me stop everything that I was doing and share as quick as possible because I was feeling it so much. I was (and really, still am) struggling with characterization, so thank you for the patience, and thank you for understanding where I wanted to take this. Beneath all of the soft touches lies a delicate matter in this fic that I may not have portrayed as best as one should, but I hope the message that stays is this: you're never really alone and we must always allow others to reach us. We can heal. We can move. And we are worthy of love.

Thank you for everything, and may we see each other again.

Happy new year. ❤

- Lily M.

#The Untamed #Mo Dao Zu Shi #fanfiction #Wangxian #Lan Wangji #Wei Wuxian #Alternate Universe: Science-fiction #alternate universe: time travel

[bloody-bee-tea]

Tell me what you really think

Celebration time! This is my 600th published fic 🎉🎉 🎉🎉 And what better way to celebrate this than with some deeply insecure Jiang Cheng  🎉🎉 🎉🎉

Jiang Cheng is cursing up a storm as he makes his way through the incredibly thick underbrush of the forest he’s currently in.

Luckily, there is no one around to hear him so he gives his displeasure voice by cursing even more.

He thinks this stupid hunt deserves it.

They still don’t know what exactly they are hunting, but so far no people have come to harm; there just have been some reports of a person in the woods, ‘ruining lives’. No one wanted to elaborate on that, but since no bodies have shown up yet, Jiang Cheng thinks the danger this creature is posing is rather slim.

And this is why he’s alone in the woods right now. He took a bunch of disciples—and Lan Xichen—on this hunt, but decided they should split up, so they could cover more ground.

Jiang Cheng is happy about his decision now, because there were a few junior disciples amongst the group and they really don’t need to hear him curse like this.

“Fucking dammit,” Jiang Cheng mutters under his breath when he stumbles over a branch yet again, and he has half a mind drawing Sandu just so he can cut out a path for himself.

“I cannot fucking believe this,” he goes on, as he stumbles further down the half-walkable path he’s on. “This monster better be fucking worth it or I’m going to strangle it just on principle.”

Jiang Cheng is still grumbling under his breath when the thick underbrush finally clears a little into something like an open space. Jiang Cheng quickly walks into the middle of it, simply glad to be out of the forest, but before he can fully relax there’s a rustling to his side and he whirls around, Sandu already out of its sheath.

“It’s just me,” Lan Xichen tells him with a small smile and Jiang Cheng forces himself to relax again.

“What the hell are you doing? I thought we were going to meet back up in Lotus Pier?”

“We were,” Lan Xichen says but then he shakes his head. “I just wanted to talk to you and I wanted to do it away from prying eyes,” he tacks on and Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes at him.

He understands that the constant scrutiny in Lotus Pier must be a bit much for Lan Xichen, but his people aren’t hostile; they simply want to make sure Lan Xichen only has his best interest in heart and Jiang Cheng thought he was okay with that.

“A talk?” he repeats and dread settles in his stomach when Lan Xichen nods without the usual hint of a smile on his face. “About what?” Jiang Cheng forces himself to ask, even though deep in his heart he already knows what Lan Xichen is going to say.

Jiang Cheng has been afraid of this very moment since the very first time Lan Xichen expressed romantic interest in him.

“About us,” Lan Xichen answers him and Jiang Cheng forces himself to keep his chin high and his shoulders straight.

“So talk,” he bites out and wants to hide when Lan Xichen gives him a pitiful smile.

“You already know what’s coming, don’t you?” Lan Xichen asks him but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“I wouldn’t dare to presume to know your thoughts,” he forces out and Lan Xichen chuckles slightly.

“Good,” Lan Xichen says, but there’s almost something like a sneer in his voice. “Then let me tell you,” Lan Xichen goes on and Jiang Cheng can’t even close his eyes against what’s coming because he knows he deserves it.

“I resent you,” Lan Xichen starts and a pit forms at the bottom of Jiang Cheng’s stomach; a pit where Jiang Cheng’s heart will be swallowed whole, he already knows it.

“I thought I could learn to love you—learn to like you, if we’re being honest here—but all that time I spent with you did was show me how horrid you really are. You are angry and vicious; there is no love in you anywhere, despite what you wanted to make me believe.”

“I see,” Jiang Cheng whispers as he tries to keep the hurt out of his voice, but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“I’m not done yet,” he snaps and Jiang Cheng can do nothing but stand there and endure it as Lan Xichen keeps talking. “You are nothing, Wanyin, nothing at all. Your power comes from the name your father gave you, the spiritual tool your mother gave you and the core your brother gave you. And yet, despite their numerous sacrifices you barely amount to anything. You couldn’t even raise Jin Ling right, he’s a spoilt brat with anger issues, just like you.”

Jiang Cheng’s breath is coming quicker the more Lan Xichen talks, but there is nothing he can say against this.

It’s all true, after all.

“How could I ever love you,” Lan Xichen scoffs. “You are despicable and I resent you so much I’m not even sure simply leaving you is enough. And the fact that you think I could ever love you just shows how arrogant you are; how highly you think of yourself when all your life you never amounted to much.”

Jiang Cheng works his jaw against the sharp pain in his chest, but still, no words come to him. And how could he ever say anything against this? He has wondered from the very first moment just how Lan Xichen could bear to be in his presence and it’s not at all a surprise to hear now that Lan Xichen actually couldn’t.

There is nothing loveable about Jiang Cheng, and he’s very aware of that.

Having Lan Xichen by his side for as long as he did has always been a fluke, Jiang Cheng knows that, and it seems that Lan Xichen finally realized it as well.

“I understand,” Jiang Cheng says after a while, making sure that this time Lan Xichen really is done, and he forces a smile on his lips. “I wish you the best,” he presses out and then bows to Lan Xichen; one Sect Leader paying respects to another, because from this moment on, that is all they are.

Jiang Cheng turns his back on Lan Xichen, praying to all the gods he knows that Lan Xichen can’t see his trembling fingers.

It wouldn’t do to show any weakness now; Lan Xichen already thinks the worst—the truth, a small voice in Jiang Cheng’s head whispers—about him, and right now Jiang Cheng’s stubbornness is the only thing he has left to hide how hurt he really is by this.

He almost dared to hope; almost dared to hope that somehow he was worthy of Lan Xichen, but of course it was nothing more than an illusion.

Of course someone like Lan Xichen can’t even like him.

Still, Jiang Cheng’s heart is nothing more than crumbles in his chest and they grate against his ribcage with every breath he takes. He guesses it’s what he deserves after he made Lan Xichen stay with him for as long as he did.

By the time Jiang Cheng reunites with some of his disciples he mostly has himself back under control again. He might have taken a moment to viciously lash out with Zidian—yet another thing about himself that Lan Xichen must hate: his temper—and he might also have taken a moment to sink to the forest floor and curl up into a small ball, but no one has to know about that.

When his disciples greet him he’s already back to the ill-tempered Sect Leader they are used to.

Lan Xichen leaving was an inevitability that Jiang Cheng has prepared for from the very start and it really shouldn’t come as a surprise to him.

“What are we going to do now, Sect Leader?” one of the disciple asks and effectively startles Jiang Cheng out of his thoughts.

“We’re going back to Lotus Pier, according to plan. We might have to do more investigation before we can figure out what we’re dealing with,” Jiang Cheng gives back and is grateful when everyone nods and falls into place behind him.

They quickly fly back to Lotus Pier and when they arrive there, Jiang Cheng immediately leaves for his personal quarters. He hates himself a little bit for his need to be alone right now—he’s aware of just how weak it makes him—but he can’t deal with any Sect matters right now and he doesn’t want to snap at people who don’t deserve it. Which would be everyone since the fault likes solely with him.

So, hiding away it is.

Jiang Cheng just sat down with a bottle of alcohol, when the door to his room opens and Lan Xichen steps inside.

Jiang Cheng freezes when he sees him, cup halfway raised to his mouth, as he tracks Lan Xichen’s progress through the room; he puts Shuoyue down on the stand like he always does and then he comes over to Jiang Cheng to lean down and press a kiss to his brow.

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Jiang Cheng blurts out, as he jerks away from Lan Xichen, Zidian already sparking to life on his hand.

“Wanyin?” Lan Xichen asks, his hands carefully raised in front of his body. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Jiang Cheng hisses at him and with a flick of his wrist Zidian springs into his hand, the cup crashing to the ground. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“It’s me,” Lan Xichen says, clearly confused now. “It’s just me, Wanyin. I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I can tell you what’s going on. You don’t get to come here, after what you said to me in the forest, and pretend like nothing at all happened. I knew that this was inevitable but I never figured you’d be this cruel.”

“In the forest?” Lan Xichen repeats with a frown. “But we split up in the forest. I didn’t see you all afternoon.”

“How dare you. At least stand to what you said and don’t play around like this!”

“Wanyin, what happened in the forest?” Lan Xichen wants to know and Jiang Cheng scoffs.

“Nothing I didn’t anticipate,” he snaps back. “What I didn’t expect was you playing around like this!”

“I honestly have no idea what you are talking about,” Lan Xichen says again and Jiang Cheng can tell that he is honestly confused.

Still, it does nothing to calm his racing heart.

“What is going on? What happened in the forest?” Lan Xichen wants to know again and Jiang Cheng forces Zidian to be dormant again.

“You told me quite clearly what you think of me,” Jiang Cheng bites out and his heart throbs painfully at the reminder of it. “How little you really think of me.”

“Then it wasn’t me who said that, because I hold you in the highest regard,” Lan Xichen immediately gives back and Jiang Cheng scoffs.

“Yeah, right,” he mutters but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“Listen to me, Wanyin,” Lan Xichen says as he steps forward to take Jiang Cheng’s hands in his.

Jiang Cheng jerks at the contact, but he allows it for now.

“I know you fear that I will one day wake up and no longer love you,” Lan Xichen says and now Jiang Cheng jerks for an entirely different reason. “But that will never happen.”

Jiang Cheng can’t keep Lan Xichen’s gaze. He suspected that Lan Xichen knew about his insecurities—knows how worthless Jiang Cheng really is—but to hear it plainly like this still comes as a shock.

“You’re wrong,” Jiang Cheng whispers because what Lan Xichen—the Lan Xichen in the forest said to him—must be the truth.

“No, you are,” Lan Xichen gives back. “I love you. I love how courageous you are, how fierce and loyal, how protective. I love your stubbornness and your rudeness and your inability to mince the truth even a little bit because you figure it’s better to hear it all at once instead of being fed a lie. I love that you are always stronger than people expect of you, especially in the face of tragedy and that you never let it change who you are. I love your dry sense of humor and I am in constant awe over everything you have accomplished in your life. I love you.”

Jiang Cheng can feel his eyes prick with tears and he weakly shakes his head.

“You’ll realize how bad I am for you one day,” Jiang Cheng mumbles, because he knows it’s inevitable that Lan Xichen will see just what a bad influence Jiang Cheng is on him.

“Never,” Lan Xichen replies. “Because you are not. You are everything I want and so much more than I need.”

“You don’t deserve to be settled with me,” Jiang Cheng says because he knows he’s too much all the time and clearly so much more than what Lan Xichen can deal with.

“But I want to be settled with you,” Lan Xichen decisively says. “And I doubt I could find anyone better. Wanyin, I don’t know where I would be without you. I don’t think I would have made it out of seclusion by myself. I doubted my every word, my every instinct, because they have led me so horribly wrong with Jin Guangyao. But you forced me to see that maybe the fault doesn’t lie with me. You made me understand just how manipulating he was and without you, I would never have left seclusion. I didn’t have the strength for it.”

“That’s not true,” Jiang Cheng disagrees, “you are the strongest person I know.”

“Because I have your strength to fall on,” Lan Xichen smoothly gives back. “Without you, I wouldn’t even be half as strong.”

Lan Xichen lets his words sink in for a few moments, before he speaks again.

“I love you. You’re my heart,” he whispers as he leans forward and brushes his lips over Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “Will you believe me, Wanyin?”

Jiang Cheng swallows a few times, but in the end he nods. He will trust Lan Xichen with this.

“Now tell me what happened in the forest,” Lan Xichen says after a sweet kiss and Jiang Cheng sighs as he slumps slightly in on himself.

“I met you, or I thought I did,” he starts and Lan Xichen makes an encouraging noise. “And you told me what you really think of me. How you resent me,” Jiang Cheng finishes with a whisper, because even now that Lan Xichen said again and again that he loves him, it still pierces something in Jiang Cheng’s heart to remember those words.

“I don’t,” Lan Xichen immediately says and chases the bad thoughts away with kisses pressed to Jiang Cheng’s brow. “I would never.”

“I—okay,” Jiang Cheng says and nods. “I believe you.”

“I think you met what we were hunting,” Lan Xichen finally says and pulls Jiang Cheng down to sit at his side, never letting go of his hand.

“What?”

“Remember how the villagers said it was ruining lives? I don’t think they meant in a physical way. We asked around some more and we finally found someone who was willing to talk. He said his dead wife appeared in front of him, telling him how none of their kids were his. I think what this thing does, is telling you what you are most afraid of to hear. It would explain the lack of bodies.”

“Oh,” Jiang Cheng breathes out, because it does make some sense. “I see.”

“So none of what that other me said was real. None of those words were mine,” Lan Xichen reiterates again and leans over to kiss Jiang Cheng again. “Because you are wonderful and I love you very much.”

“Stop saying that,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, even as he flushes at hearing it again.

“I don’t think I will,” Lan Xichen gives back and nuzzles Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “Not until you believe it.”

“I do,” Jiang Cheng gives back, even though the doubt sits deep, deep inside of him, and Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“You don’t. But that’s okay, because I will tell you often,” he resolves and Jiang Cheng doesn’t even want to complain.

“Alright,” he whispers and then looks down at their still intertwined fingers. “I love you, too, you know.”

“I do,” Lan Xichen says and presses a kiss to the back of Jiang Cheng’s hand. “But I like hearing it, too.”

Jiang Cheng nods at that, because he can admit that he might not have said it enough in the past, but just like Lan Xichen he will change that now.

“Promise me it wasn’t you,” Jiang Cheng still can’t help to say and Lan Xichen only smiles at him.

“It wasn’t me, I promise on my brother’s life,” Lan Xichen gives back without hesitation and Jiang Cheng believes him.

“We’re going to find this thing,” Jiang Cheng says, unwilling to let it roam around his territory much longer when it deals devastating blows like this but Lan Xichen doesn’t move.

“We will, but not today. Today you’re going to stay right here, where I can tell you how loved you are, and where I can cuddle you,” he decisively says and it startles a laugh out of Jiang Cheng.

“I think I might be okay with that,” he whispers, the words a balm to his very soul and he leans against Lan Xichen’s side. “I’m very okay with that.”

He feels how Lan Xichen presses a kiss to his head and then rests his cheek there, and Jiang Cheng closes his eyes, content and happy.

He already thought this lost; he will cherish it all the more now.

{Buy me a kofi}  

#bt writes #the untamed #mdzs #xicheng #insecure jc #hurt/comfort #fluff #established relationship