#it would be easier if i just went with the oldest one but i didn't watch all these in order

[braisedhoney]

y'know i always say i tend to like villains (or at least antagonists??) more than the protagonist, but what i don't know is like. Why.

did i have one specific childhood villain that just formed my taste in characters for the rest of time??? if so wtf was it? i need to unravel my own lore it's driving me up the wall.

#ney's idle chatter (random textposts) #i know my fellow antagonist-fans are out there i see you guys #but where did it COME FROM #hhh... my guess is maybe cartoons?? but none come to mind right away #god. what did i watch as a kid #teen titans maybe?? or dragonball z?? #i'm sure there's more in there #gotta love characters that seem way scarier than the narrative should allow #a load of the danny phantom ones probably #... okay maybe this is less of a mystery than i thought #it would be easier if i just went with the oldest one but i didn't watch all these in order #... unrelated kind of but man i gotta rewatch these and see if they're as good as i remember #breaking news: cap'n likes nostalgia. everyone gasp in unison. #lmao #i do have some main characters i like now. but for a long time it was Bad Guys

[imaginaryf1shots]

His Sister | Lewis Hamilton

WC: 4.6K

Lewis Hamilton X Verstappen!Reader

Max Verstappen X reader!Sister

Summery: You have always been there for your brother, giving up everything for him, so when you decide to date his rival, what will he do.

Warnings: age gap(age not specified) mention of abuse, Jos Verstappen is an a-hole, Max is also an ass, bad childhood, bad father, cursing, alusion to smut but no actual smut

AN: this had me in tears at some parts, I was going, why did he do this 😭 as if I didn't write it, lol

Hope you all enjoy

Masterlist

Part 2

Growing up, Verstappen wasn’t easy. Growing up with Jos Verstappen as your guardian and the one that has custody is hard. Being the oldest, Verstappen is damn near impossible. Could you have chosen to live with your mother? Yes, but that would’ve left Max alone with Jos, something you weren’t about to do. Admittedly you were young yourself, but even at a young age you knew that if Max was left with Jos alone it wouldn’t turn out good for your brother, you’ve always been motherly and have so much love in you that you just shared it with those around you and your siblings got the most of it. It made perfect sense to you as a young girl to leave your life with your mother and sister and go with your brother and father.

At one point you were the one Karting, you loved cars and karting since you were young, with both parents into motorsport it was hard not to, and even Jos couldn’t deny how good you were, but alas you’re a female and there’s no way you’d make it all the way to F1, something that Jos loves to remind you of. That’s the reason he stopped you from going once Max started winning in karting, and he wanted to focus on his child, who would achieve all his personal dreams and make it into F1. Maybe it’s your love for the sport that made it easier but you enjoyed every time you went to a track and watched the karts race, you dreaded after the races though, to Jos anything but first is a failure. On days like that, you’d follow your father and stand in his way, he’d shout at you and push you around, and you’d take it all in all in the hope that by the time he reached Max he wouldn’t be angry, or at least you’d take the blunt end of his anger. That didn’t always happen and on those days you’d just stay with your brother holding his hand, walking with him home in the cold, in the rain and in the heat of the sun, never letting him go through a punishment alone and never letting him go through your punishments.

It was all in the hope that Max would reach F1 one day, and he did, he’s in Formula 1 now, he’s been there since he was 17, he skipped so many steps and jumped into Formula 1, he went from Toro Rosso to RedBull in a record time and he was racing with legends and world champions before you had time to comprehend it. All whilst you watched him from the garage, as a family member and a part of his team, never missing a race. Driving him around when he didn’t have his driver’s licence, hugging him after each win and DNF, picking up the pieces after a scolding from Jos and tearing up when he got his first win. Always smiling and happy for him no matter what.

You’d think now that you’re all older, the talk from your father wouldn’t affect you, that you’d get used to his words, and they won’t affect you. But he’s your dad. It never gets easy.

So here you are standing at the back of the garage you’re both watching the screen, when the camera cuts to you, you smile a bit before it cuts off back to the race, with one pull you’re away from prying eyes of people in the garage. Only the few people at the back could see you.

“What?” You ask your dad with a frown. His grip on your bicep is like iron. You hold in a wince and look him in the eye.

”What was that?” He whisper shouted, you looked at him confused. “Don’t give me that stupid look. How many times have I told you, I don’t like that look.”

”I’m just confused, I don’t know what you mean.” You explain yourself and try to act normal, all while knowing it’s about to get worse, he’s in a mood, Max’s race hasn’t been going like he’d like, he’s currently in second with Checo in first, something bad in your dad’s books.

”Don’t play stupid, I know what you’re playing at.” Jos squeezes more, and you’re bound to have a bruise by tomorrow morning.

“I’m literally doing nothing.” You move trying to pull your arm out of his grip, and he lets go of you but leans down in your face.

”I saw that look you gave the camera, don’t ruin your brother’s image.” You close your eyes and bite your lip, and it takes you a few seconds before you neutralise your expression into blankness. “Don’t look like a slut, it could affect the sponsors.”

”But I wasn’t.” You mutter, but he just scoffs.

”Don’t. Play. Games. With. Me.” With each word through his fretted teeth, he poked/pushed you with his finger at your shoulder, having you move back every time.

”I’m not.” You insist. Thankfully, before he can reply, someone clears their throat, making you both look to the side to see Hemlut standing there. He doesn’t look amused.

”Keep your family affairs out of the garage, please.” Was all he said before he turned to look at the screen. It takes everything in you not to roll your eyes, giving your dad one last look you turn and go watch the race from a different spot in the garage as far away from him as you could get.

Max ended up winning the race, with Lewis second and Charles third. So all was good in the end, your brother won the race, your dad was back in his happy mode, and your day was ruined. You rushed with the crowd to congratulate Max on his win. Your brother comes to you for a hug. You kiss his cheek as you always do and pat his back.

”Congratulations Maxie.”

”Thanks.” He gives you a big smile before he’s rushed to get weighed, you look at Ferrari as they congratulate Charles, the sea of red eye catching, looking around you don’t see any Mercedes dressed personal in the vicinity. Your eyes then fell to the 7 times world champion, he’s sitting on the floor looking tired, his eyes swept over the teams looking for his own. You feel bad for him. His family must not be here today, and his team didn’t bother to show up for him.

Later that day, you found yourself pulled to a club to celebrate another Max win, you’re usually up for the celebration, but after what happened at the garage, you weren’t feeling up to it. However, you can never say no to Max when he asks you to do something all nice and loving, so that’s how you ended up here. In a random club, with a lot of Formula 1 workers from all teams and FIA, they’re all having the times of their lives as if they’re not rivals and hate each other, every other day of the week. You’ve sat down the moment you walked in and haven’t moved, drinks coming to you, but you’ve only been sipping light ones, not wanting to get drunk and deal with a headache in the morning.

An hour in, you head to the bar to order water or a soda, not in the mood to drink more. With a sigh, you lean on the bar and wait for the bartender to make his way to you, looking bored out of your life.

”You don’t look like you’re having fun.” Someone says, coming up to stand beside you, the accent familiar, but you couldn't pinpoint why before you turn and your eyes fall on a pair of brown eyes.

”Not really.” You say and shrug, turning so you’re both facing each other. “I mean you’re the first person to come up to talk to me in the last hour or something.”

”I don’t believe that, a beautiful woman like you.” Lewis gives you a small smile, and you chuckle, playfully rolling your eyes.

“I know, right, and here I dressed up, only for it not to work.” You say a tone of amusement lanced into your words, liking this banter going back and forth.

”I wouldn’t say it’s not working.” Lewis says and looks you up and down, you blush under his gaze but the smile doesn’t drop from your lips, the bartender comes up to you right then and asks you for your order, you ask for a glass of water and a soda, before he turns to Lewis who doesn’t ask for a drink. “You’re not drinking?”

”I had a couple of drinks, but I don’t feel like getting drunk.” You tell him, and he hums, you lean closer as if you’re going to say a secret. “Between you and me, I didn’t want to be here anyways.”

”Me neither, why are you here?” Lewis asks, you look around the club, and your eyes fall onto your brother having the time of his life with his friends.

”Because my brother wanted me to come.” You say not looking away from Max, who was smiling and enjoying himself, it brings a smile to your face seeing him carefree. Your favourite type of Max.

”You’re Max’s sister.” At Lewis’ words, you realise he didn’t know who you were, your head snaps to look at him and give him the smallest of smiles, a defeated look hiding behind your eyes. As if you’re expecting the worst.

”Yeah, is that a problem?” You ask him already knowing what he’ll say. Your brother is his biggest rival. There’s history between them, and it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. Just because they have respect for each other doesn’t mean they love the other.

”No, you’re not Max.” This did surprise you, and it showed on your face, Lewis winked, and you shook your head. “Do you want to head out of here?”

”Sure.” With that, you and Lewis turn and head out. Everyone’s too drunk or too occupied to see your retreating figures.

Let’s just say that you enjoyed your night, Lewis isn’t just good at racing. He did convince you to stay the night after everything was said and done, with his eyes half lidded and you both breathing hard it was the easiest yes you’ve ever said.

You woke up alone with the shower going in the background, feeling lazy. You sat up in bed and looked out the window. The view from his room was beautiful. You’re so lost in thought you don’t realise when the water stopped running or when Lewis came in the room. He stood there looking at you, your back bare for him to see, your hair messy, the sun coming from the windows making you glow. Lewis, dressed in only his boxers, moves to the bed and slots himself behind you, his bare chest meeting your back as his arms sneak around your waist, pulling you back. You lean into his chest and take a deep breath, content with the moment. Lewis’ lips find their home where your neck meets your shoulder, placing soft feather-like kisses up and down the exposed skin, you move your head to the side giving him more room to do as he wants.

”Lewis.” You moan suddenly breathless, Lewis moves his hands up your arms lightly before you wince in pain, making him stop all movements and pull away from you. You freeze and close your eyes instantly, knowing why you were in pain.

”What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Lewis asks, feeling guilt for causing you pain. You shake your head no and sigh, still not looking at him.

”No, no, it’s not you.” Lewis looks at where his hands were and he sees the bruise on your bicep, his mind goes to last night and he thinks over his actions, did he hold your bicep, maybe squeezed a bit too hard. It definitely looks like hand marks. You stand up still naked and snatch Lewis’s shirt from the night before from the floor where you threw it and slip it on. The oversized shirt falls mid thigh, and the short sleeves come down to your elbows covering your bruise.

”Who the fuck did this to you?” Lewis follows you off the bed, you turn to look at him crossing your arms protectively, suddenly feeling self conscious, you refuse to meet his eyes and clear your throat but no words came out of your mouth. “y/n, just tell me what happened?”

”It’s nothing. He didn’t mean to.” You mutter and shake your head, your hair falling into your face.

“Who? Who did it?” Lewis pleaded with you and you closed your eyes and bit your lip to stop the tears, it wasn’t a secret how rough your father is especially in the RedBull garage but no one outside a few observant people(which don’t include Max) know how rough he is with you.

”My dad, but he was just angry. He’s not like that, not anymore.” You mumble the last part, but Lewis heard it loud and clear, and just like yesterday, he surprises you. Lewis pulls you in for a hug, his tattooed arms just pulling you close, and he holds you. He just holds you.

”Bloody hell, love, I’m sorry.” Lewis says in your hair, and you raise your head to look at him, but still staying in his hold.

”You have absolutely no reason to be sorry.” You tell him and your hands move up to his face, lightly touching his cheek, your eyes taking him in. “I don’t really care.”

“It still doesn’t make it right. You shouldn’t go through something like this.” Lewis says, and you shrug.

”Life isn’t really fair.” He felt that there’s more behind those words. You didn’t just mean what happened the day before. There’s more pain in your voice, in your past, and to him, it looked like no one took the time to talk to you about them to help you through those pains. Lewis finds himself wondering why, he’s known you for less than 24 hours and all he wants to do is get to know you, uncover all your secrets, help you where you need help, support you where you need support.

”Well, if you let me, I think I can make it a little more fair.” Lewis says, deciding that this isn’t the last time he’ll spend time with you. He pulls back and goes to his bedside table where his phone rests.

”What are you talking about?” You ask him confused.

”Give me your number, I’m taking you out next time we’re both free.” Lewis says and hands you his phone. You slowly take it and look up at him with wide eyes.

”You want to go out with me? like on a date?” You wanted to make sure you understood him correctly.

”I do.”

“Even though you know I come with baggage.” You want to make sure he understands it won’t be easy.

”I don’t think it’s baggage, but even if it was, I don’t care.” Lewis gives you one of his smiles that make you weak in your knees, and you don’t think twice and type in your number. Lewis instantly calls you, and your phone rings before he ends the call. “Now you also have my number, and if you ever need something, or someone or a place to just call me.”

”Thank you.”

”I haven’t done anything yet, love.”

”Oh you’ve already done a lot.” Most people would act as if nothing happened and they saw nothing, most wouldn’t want to go out with you knowing there’s a lot in your past that needs solving, most wouldn’t go out with their rival’s sister, but most aren’t Lewis Hamilton, and you’re glad he’s not like the most.

You and Lewis start texting, getting to know each other. You see a side to the Mercedes driver you’ve never seen before. He’s so easy to talk to. You feel like whatever you tell him is a secret he’ll take to the grave. In the couple weeks since you’ve started talking you’ve been more open with him than anyone else, not just about your past and growing up with Jos but about your feelings. He never judges and gives the best advice. He’s been supportive and understanding to a point you’ve asked yourself how he is real.

You asked him to keep your budding friendship (turing relationship) a secret and he agreed 100% with you, it’ll cause a lot of trouble when and if it comes out, and you’re not ready for that. And for the first time in forever you don’t spend your free time between races where Max is, you fly to wherever Lewis is, and so for a month you both find that time to get to know the other in a way that you’ve never done before, and you find yourself being Lewis’s girlfriend and it makes you the happiest thinking about it. He’s made you happier, and those closest to you have noticed you’re more smiley and happy those days.

Sneaking around like children, not two adults was part of the fun, but it also made it harder for you.

”What are you smiling at?” Kelly asks, leaning closer to you. You close your phone in an instant to the amusement of your brother’s girlfriend. Max was in a meeting or doing something for media, so you and Kelly were having lunch in the paddock.

“Nothing.” You say, and your face flushes red, making her laugh.

”Come on, I can tell you’re texting someone.” Kelly laughs and nudges you. You roll your eyes and take a sip from your drink. “Who is he?”

”Nonone.”

”So there’s someone.” Kelly raises her eyebrows, and you sigh and nod your head. Yes, Kelly squeals and looks like she’s ready for a gossip session.

“Kelly, you’re not getting more out of me.” You tell the female, and she pouts.

”Why? Even Max is wondering who you’re texting all the time.” Kelly is confused, and rightfully so, you’re very open with her and Max. Not the type to keep something like this a secret. Or so they thought, but how can they be 100% sure when you haven’t been with anyone for years or even shown interest in anyone.

”That’s why I can’t tell you.”

”What? you can trust me, I won’t tell him if you don't want to.” Kelly felt offended that you didn’t trust her to keep a secret. She’s close to you. Anyone close to Max is close to you. His friends are your friends.

”I wouldn't do that to you, if he found out you knew and didn’t tell him he’ll get mad.” You explain to her, wanting her to understand where you’re coming from.

”No he wouldn't.” Kelly replies, and you give her a look making her sigh, Max is protective, and no one is good enough for you in his eyes. “Okay maybe he will be, but who could you be dating for you to be so sure he’ll get mad, anyways.”

“I love you, Kells, but I can’t tell you.” You both sat in silence for a bit, Kelly was thinking of any possible men you might’ve come across the last month, she started crossing some out of the list she made in her mind that you wouldn’t like, before her eyes went wide.

”It’s a driver!” She shouts, and a few eyes snapped to look at you both. You choke on your drink and cough a few times. “Sorry.”

”What the fuck Kelly, you want to tell the whole world?” You whisper shout and she looks apologetically muttering sorry.

”It’s a driver then.” She whispered and you reluctantly nod, who knew this lunch would cause you so much. “I’m not going to push you for more… yet.”

”Well thank god for that.” You mutter, but know that she’ll look and analyse every single interaction you have with any driver. Kelly went over the 19 drivers, crossing out those in a relationship. Nico, Kevin, Valtteri, Daniel, Checo, Carlos, Pierre, Alex, Esteban, Charles, Oscar, and George are all in a relationship. That narrows it down, but it’s still a bit, but a few are still single. Fernando, Lewis, Lance, Zhou, Lando, Yuki and Logan that left her with 7 drivers that are single, and you’re at the age that dating someone older would raise a few eyebrows and so would dating some of the younger drivers, but it wouldn’t be totally out of the box. Lance is the one closest to you in age, but she doesn’t think he’s your type.

After the Austin Grand Prix, Lewis makes it to your room, and a few teams booked their rooms at the same hotel, something that you’ve come to appreciate. Your room isn’t as big as Lewis’s but it just happened that he made it to your room, the brit, and you decided to chill and have a lazy night. The TV was on, but you both weren’t focused on it, each having a glass of Almave in hand, the non alcoholic drink your new favourite and it looked like you’d never run out of it.

You just finished telling Lewis about something that happened when you were younger and still karting, telling him about all the drama that happened then and how silly it is. His arm was on the back of the sofa beides your head, your legs over his lap, and his other hand was on your thigh rubbing softly at the skin visible from your bunched up shorts.

”Why did you stop karting?” Lewis asked, your smile from laughing wasn’t all gone yet, but it did falter a bit. You suck in your lips and run your tongue over them.

”My dad said that there’s no place for women in motorsport and that Max will carry the family name in Formula 1.” You shrug, your head dropping a little. The hand besides your head moves to your face making you raise your head and look at him, Lewis felt bad for you but he tried not to be obvious about it, he knew you wouldn't want him to.

“I know for a fact then if you continued, you’d be kicking all out asses on track.” Lewis said softly, and you gave him a tight-lipped smile.

”You haven’t even seen me karting.” You tell him softly and find that your breath hits his face from how close you’ve gotten.

”Next time we meet up, we’ll do that.” Lewis said and gave your thigh a squeeze. You hum and lean closer, your lips meeting his. His lips were warm and soft, his hand moving from your cheek to the back of your head. And as always, his lips made a spark ignite inside you and left you warm and fuzzy. Soft sighs left your lips as your lips moved, Lewis’s hand moved up your thigh and over your butt, tugging you so you’d move with him until you’re standing him. You pull back just a little, your breath mingling with his, his eyes looking at you and making you fall in love with him.

”Lewis.” Just the way you said his name left him breathless and needy, he pulled you down for your lips to meet again.

You’re both disturbed when Lewis’s phone rings, you move from on top of him and he reaches over to get his phone, seeing the caller ID he gives you an apologetic look and answers the phone. You sigh sadly, feeling a bit irritated to be interrupted, but Lewis is a busy man, and she understands this.

“I’m sorry, love, but I have to go.” Lewis leans over to kiss your head before hastily gathering his things. “It’s an emergency meeting, I’ll text you when I’m done and come back.”

”Okay, I’ll wait for you.” You say and lay back on the sofa taking out your phone to scroll through the TV is still going. Around half an hour later, your door is opened, making you raise your head and frown when you see Max walking in.

”How did you get in?”

”I have a card.” Max shows you the door card that had your room number on it.

”Why?” You ask him confused. He also relieved that he hadn’t come in when Lewis was still here.

”You’ve been losing yours a lot lately, so I thought to just ask for one.” Max shrugged as if it’s normal, he sat down in the chair by your legs so you could look at him, you rolled your eyes at his words, not needing to ask how the front desk gave it to him. You haven’t been losing your cards. You’ve been asking for an extra one to give to Lewis.

“What’s that?” Max asks, and you don’t bother looking up from your phone.

”What’s what?”

“That.” You sigh and sit up, looking to where your brother is pointing, your heart drops. Lewis forgot his watch, and it’s laying there on the side table that had a lamp on it, and it’s so very obvious not yours. The IWC Big Pilot’s Watch Perpetual Calendar ‘Lewis Hamilton’ Edition IW503002 is a beauty, but no way can it be yours. You curse Lewis in your mind for taking it off when he first came in. You open your mouth and close it a couple of times, trying to find words to say but coming up empty. “I’ve seen this before.”

”I don’t think so.” You say nervously, chuckling. Max frowns in thought as he tries to remember where he had seen the watch before.

”No I’ve seen it, I remember the red.” Max mumbles, and the moment he remembers you can tell, his face says it all. “L-Lewis? That’s who you’ve been seeing behind my back.”

”Max-“

”No you had your chance to tell me, but you didn’t.” Max stands up, and you follow suit. His voice is angry and irritated, a bit of betrayal in there as well. “How could you date Lewis and not tell me how could you even date him, I can’t believe you’d do something like this!”

”I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d get angry, and I didn’t want you to be angry.” You try to explain to him your reason, but he’s having none of that.

”Because I’m calm now.” Max says sarcastically.

”Max, this is why I didn’t tell you.” Your hands move in frustration, one of your legs shake in anxiety, and you whisper. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

”What is there to understand? You’re sleeping with my rival.” Max shouts, it breaks you. Max may have this image as the villain in public but he’s not like that with you, he’s always been nice and loving, you’re the best thing about his childhood, the warm hug he had, the person he relayed on, the person that could always make him smile. Seeing the look in his eyes makes tears gather in yours. “y/n, I can’t believe you. After everything you’re just, what? Selling yourself to Lewis-“

”Max.”

”-Do you have any idea-“

”Max.”

”-how this can affect my image-“

”Max, please.”

”-I thought I could count on you not to do something like this-“

”I didn’t.”

”-Dad was right.”

”Wh-what?” This just breaks you in two, completely shatters you.

”He said that you’re an attention who-“

”Okay enough.” You say and raise your hands in the air to stop him, tears leaving your eyes freely. “Please leave, I can’t hear you anymore, I can’t.”

Max fights the need to say sorry and hug you. He’s too in his emotions, and he’s too stubborn and hardheaded to say anything.

”Just leave, please.” Max turns and leaves your room. The quality time he wanted to spend with you is ruined. The moment the door closes, he feels like his relationship with you is forever changed. It cracked, and he curses himself for being so careless with his words.

Part 2

#lewis x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 scenario #max verstappen one shot #max verstappen #max verstappen imagine #lewis hamilton one shot #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton #team lh44 #lh44 #lh #f1 fic #f1 #max verstappen x reader

[wongyuuu]

midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

yn 

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin, 

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt,  like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

yn

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control. 

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks. 

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple. 

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him. 

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him. 

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said. 

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire. 

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again. 

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before. 

He smiled over your skin. 

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor. 

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side. 

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck. 

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed. 

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn. 

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again. 

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful. 

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker. 

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time. 

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes. 

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then. 

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant. 

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically. 

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again. 

I love you,  the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once. 

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it. 

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him. 

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you. 

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you. 

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place. 

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room. 

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much. 

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side. 

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair. 

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him. 

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

yn

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home. 

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well,  again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

yn

taglist: @wonwooz1, @mirtaspace, @feat-sun, @belladaises, @mayashu, @immabecreepin, @miriamxsworld, @aaniag, @k-drama-adict, @maiamorrrrrrrrrrrr, @roguesthetic, @sofix-hc7, @scarlet789, @moonlightgrleric, @mixling-blog, @haowonbins, @slut4donghyuck, @shuabby1994, @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan, @plumings, @shuasdrafts, @aaasia111, @bouclesdefeu

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog or leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕

if you want to be tagged in my next fics, please fill out this form

#k-labels #svt smut #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #dokyeom x reader #lee dokyeom x reader #dokyeom x you #lee dokyeom x you #dokyeom #seventeen fluff #dokyeom imagines #lee seokmin imagines #lee dokyeom #dokyeom fluff #seokmin x reader #lee seokmin x reader #seokmin x you #lee seokmin x you #seokmin #seokmin imagines #lee seokmin #seokmin fluff #seokmin smut #dokyeom smut #svt angst #seokmin angst

[readychilledwine]

Hello!! I recently found your blog and I love your writing! I was looking at the writing prompts and I fell in love with the touch starved ones.

I was wondering if you could write a Eris or Tarquin x f reader for “the reaching out with their hand without saying anything, wanting the other one to grab it”? I love both males so which ever one is easier for you. But I love the idea of like a stoic reader but the male knows they like physical affection as long as the reader doesn’t look needy.

Thanks in advance and Happy Holidays :)

Take my Hand

Warning - I changed a little bit of the High Lords meeting because THEY ALL WERE TOO NICE. I love Rhysand, Feyre, and the Night Court, but Kal and Tarquin were way too nice for people who felt their courts were personally targeted by Rhys (Kal especially), self doubt, Beron

A/n - the man in that gift has delicious forearms. I just know it. Ps- I know the fandom as a whole wants to push this narrative that Beron is ugly, but you're calling my book one Lulu ugly when you do that. SJM specifically says Lucien's face in that book is similar to Beron's. I think we all need to face the reality that the man is attractive. He's just a dick and that ruins it.

You were drowning.

High Lord's meetings were not your cup of tea, and they never had been.

Maybe it was your young age, rivaled only by your mate's. Maybe it was the amount of loud males yelling and throwing insults that reminded you far too much of your power-hungry father. Maybe it was just that you were "a sleepy girl," as your mate always so lovingly suggested when you'd rest on his chest.

But this just wasn't your scene.

You rolled your eyes, keeping that bored mask in place as Rhysand went into yet another long dragged out monolog about how he wasn't the monster you all believed he was. It was his third one in less than an hour.

You felt Tarquin look at you from the corner of his eye.

Despite how much you hated being here, you loved him, Gods did you love him. And he needed you.

There were arguments from every delegation of who has the most handsome High Lord. You saw beauty in all of them, though.

Tamlin for his flowing golden hair and piercing green eyes.

Helion for that smirk, his skin that was so flawless you had begged him countless times for his skincare routine.

Kallias was the vision of untouched beauty. He looked like freshly fallen snow.

Thesan for his sharp casual wardrobe, his untouched skill and intelligence, his kind eyes.

Rhysand for being the beauty of night itself. Dark inky hair on golden sun kissed skin. Eyes that held the cosmos like he knew all their secrets.

Even Beron, the oldest of them, had looks that held wisdom as he aged like a fine wine before all of you.

But Tarquin, none of them could hold a candle to. His white hair contrasting against his skin, those ocean eyes, his voice.

You had won the mating lottery with him in looks alone.

But it was his kindness, the one trait so many mistook for weakness, that made you truly fall for him. His kindness and his observational skills.

Tarquin's brows knitted, mouthing a soft "Are you okay?"

You only responded with a smile and small eye roll as Rhys began claiming he had not slaughtered the children in Winter. That another unknown daemati had, and he had convinced Amarantha to do that instead of murdering Kal. All before trying to garner sympathy.

You set your wine glass down a little harder than intended at that. Annoyed that he had an excuse for everything. That he blame shifted everything he had been confronted with so far. Kal rose a brow at you, then smirked. "I believe even, y/n, thinks you are full of shit, Rhysand."

You looked down instantly, cheek heating as everyone's gaze fell toward you. "Would you like to say something?" Thesan spoke gently to you. "Perhaps you can shed some light on the situation in the Summer Court?"

You felt it then. The soft tug on the bond as Tarquin held his hand out to you.

He didn't mean to make you look or feel weak. He didn't mean to make it look like he was reigning you in. He meant it to comfort you. To bring you back to him. Back to this moment. This critical meeting that could decide the fate of your court. Your home. His fae. Fae you two had been spending so much time bring to break the social standards with. Fae you were just earning the trust of.

He offered you his hand as his love, as his support, and as a grounding tool. You took it silently, body easing at the softness and warmth of his fingers and palms.

"You came to our home, and we welcomed you as honored guests," you started slowly, refusing to look at him. "We told you our hopes, the steps we were taking for equality, far taxation, wages, you pretended to care and support us. Then you stole from us. You stole from us when we welcomed you as our friends."

Feyre looked down, guilt now hitting her. You two had grown close quickly. Instant friends who enjoyed each other's company. "We had no choice," Rhysand answered smoothly.

"You could have asked us," Tarquin replied. "You could have told us the truth and asked us. Now you ask us to blindly trust you when you've already done that, and your mate, your Court's High Lady, opened the gate for Hybern to enter my territory out of rage against Tamlin."

Rhys had no response. He was looking to you. "Your only saving grace with me, Rhysand," you felt Tarquin squeeze your hand to calm the wave of emotion going through you, "is the fact that your court is the only one who came when we were attacked. Why did you bother doing that after everything you had done?"

Tarquin hummed his approval softly, another gentle squeeze and tug on the bond.

Rhysand's offer was soft. His voice showing he understood the hurt he had done. The personal damage his actions had caused. "Because that's what friends do."

You sighed, allowing Tarquin to take over as the stoic mask of silence fell back in place. Three squeezed came to your hand. A message you and he had made when you were trapped under that mountain together.

It was a message.

One you felt as you squeezed his hand three times back.

"I love you," it said.

Five squeezes came next, conveying the message you needed, "You are safe. I'm here." You broke that mask. Hand moving up to his bicep and head falling into his shoulder. You didn't listen as Rhys addressed you, your court.

You knew you personally would not forgive them.

But if Tarquin did, you would support him, so long as he kept your hand in his.

#acotar #acotar x reader #tarquin x reader #tarquin acotar #tarquin x you #tarquin x y/n #high lord tarquin

[agent-cakeshroom]

Goodnight, Sleep Tight

The little ficlet I mentioned possibly writing! I decided to stop obsessing over it being perfect, like a certain Troll we love :D

As he finished packing away the last of the board games, John Dory let the tension slide off his shoulders to the sounds of his brothers. All four of them were scattered across the furniture, asleep, and each one sounded so distinctly them that it made JD's chest tighten. Floyd and Branch were crammed together in an armchair, limbs tangled. The two youngest had always been closest, and John shot them a soft smile at the sight. 

His other two brothers had each taken an end of the couch. With Clay scrunched up save for one arm flopped over his head, and Bruce comfortably sprawled across the other half. 

They'd all grown so much. JD stepped over to one of the small cubby holes Branch dug as storage closets, and dragged out a few blankets. It was silly, being so excited over something so simple, but John Dory couldn't stop grinning. He never thought he'd miss taking care of his brothers. Twenty odd years of isolation must've scrambled his brain.

The eldest moved to the armchair first, and gently rearranged his brothers’ arms and legs into something a bit more comfortable. Aside from a huff or snuffle here and there, both boys stayed blissfully asleep. JD's heart squeezed as he covered them up and tucked them in. He could vividly remember the two of them cuddling when they were still itty bitty, and it was just as cute then.

With Floyd and Branch taken care of, John Dory grabbed up the other two blankets for Clay and Bruce. The middle child was first, and JD carefully moved his arm off his face to tuck it against his chest with his other one. Waking up with pins and needles was the worst. The blanket was next, but he didn't tuck in the edges. Clay used to have a habit of wiggling in his sleep, and JD figured it was better safe than sorry. He didn't want Clay getting tangled and falling off the couch in his sleep.

A rumbling snort brought John's attention to the second oldest of the bunch, and he had to fight off a laugh at Bruce's face. His head was tilted back at an awkward angle, squishing a cheek against the arm he had thrown over the arm of the couch, and there was a bit of drool on his chin. It was a weird thing to be comforted by, but JD was. His brother's may have grown up a lot, but they were still very much them. 

Maybe if Bruce wasn't such a light sleeper, John Dory would try and shuffle him into a more comfortable position. But with having so many kids, Bruce now fell asleep much faster and woke up easier. Instead, he settled for simply covering his brother with a blanket like the others. 

And without thinking twice about it, he leaned down and laid a kiss on Bruce's forehead, right below his hairline. 

As he realized what he just did, JD's ears lowered with embarrassment, and he quietly smacked his hands over his face. “What the hell…” He mumbled to himself. But he didn't regret it. And when he saw all his brothers still asleep as he peeked through his fingers, he figured it wouldn't hurt to finish his old routine. 

So he quickly and quietly went to his other brothers, giving each a goodnight kiss just like when they were little. They used to beg him for a hug and kiss goodnight, and would even refuse to sleep without it. As young as he was, JD used to think it was annoying and embarrassing. But now? He missed the way they needed him. The way they wanted him around. 

With the last kiss to Floyd's head, John headed for the elevator. He didn't feel like being the only one to return to his room, and he figured Rhonda would appreciate some company. 

“Where’re ya goin’?” Bruce’s groggy voice reached him from the couch, making JD pause. He turned to see Bruce half flopped over the arm of the couch with one eye cracked open, and his face squished against his shoulder. It shouldn’t be adorable with his brother being in his mid-thirties, but it wasn’t just Branch that still looked like a kid in John’s eyes. 

“Just gonna go check on Rhonda, lil brother. Go back to sleep.” He spoke softly, and couldn’t fight off a small smile. The nostalgia dragged at his lungs, making it hard to breathe for a moment. 

“Nooo…” The second oldest grumbled, flailing his free arm at John Dory. “She’s pro’ly fine. Ge’ over here, butt dory.” The slurred, half-asleep speech screamed pouty little brother, and the goofy insult caught John off guard. He snorted, and slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle a laugh. Well, he couldn’t say no to that. 

“Alright, alright. Move your feet then, dork.” He stepped back over to the couch, and nudged at Bruce’s blanket covered feet. He could probably squish in by Clay even if his brother didn’t move, but John wanted to give the third brother some much needed space. They were still working some things out. 

Already drifting back to sleep, Bruce flopped over onto his back and curled his legs up just enough for JD to drop onto the middle cushion. Then immediately, unashamedly, threw his legs over his older brother’s lap. Not that John was going to complain, he was just happy to be so close to family again. So he tucked the end of the blanket over himself and Bruce’s legs, and sunk back against the couch to catch a quick nap at least. 

He hadn’t been this content and relaxed in ages, and it felt heavenly. He loved Rhonda with his whole soul, but his brother’s held a special place in his heart that only they could fill. And as he finally slipped into sleep to the sounds of all his brothers’ surrounding him, things felt so perfectly imperfect.

#brozone #trolls band together #john dory #bruce #clay #floyd #branch #trolls fic #ficlet technically lol #may or may not post on ao3 #GIVE FEEDBACK PRETTY PEASE

[shewrites444]

earned it part 2 [thomas shelby x mafia reader smut]

[ apologizes for not posting in what seems like ages. i've been working and in school so i haven't had much time, but here is a continuation of one of my old thomas shelby imagines i managed to finish up. i loved this trope so much i needed to write a part 2. check out part 1 here ]

word count - 2.3k

[ summary - following the events of part 1, the reader abruptly meets with the peaky blinders at the races to discuss their unfinished deal. thomas takes note of her unkind, frustrated nature, and intends to loosen her up. ]

[ warnings - dirty talk, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex ]

-

the front door was opened for me by one of my guards, the ballroom guests granting me several admirable stares and nods, but nonetheless, eyes still coated with fear, given everyone in the room knew who i was. if not, they were about to.

i sigh, reaching into my purse and pulling out a small revolver and holding it towards the crowd.

"i don't plan on shooting any of you, i don't even know you." i begin, hearing the doors shut behind me. "i'm just making a point. i need someone to direct me towards the peaky blinders."

a shorter, scruffy man, who seemed to be the ballroom assistant, walked towards me with his hands up, gesturing me to follow him to another room, down a long hallway, to a shut, windowless door on the right. he opened it for me as i flag off my men to stand outside.

the door opens to a view of thomas and his two brothers, smoking cigars with three glasses of whiskey on the table and a bottle closest to the one brother with the thicker mustache, who i assumed was the oldest, given his drunken look and far more aged face. the three of them look to me, thomas displaying a bit of confusion, while the others smirk, the oldest nudging the other.

"i didn't know they sent us up a whore, johnny boy!" the oldest chuckled, setting down his cigar. "she's a pretty looking one, too. i didn't know italians worked around this area."

thomas coughed to stop his brother from speaking any further. "this is [y/n] [y/l/n], arthur. leader of the sicilian mob. please, have a seat, [y/n]."

i grin, looking to his brothers as their faces redden with embarrassment, their laughter stopping in quite literally, half a second. i sit next to thomas, taking a cigarette and letting him light it. i sigh, looking to his brothers.

"nice to meet the two of you." i say, setting my purse on the table. "i am armed, so i don't mind shooting either of you if you call me a whore one more time."

thomas chuckles, glancing down to look at me, up and down, observing the silk red dress and the black coat that complemented it. he took a sip of his drink. "to what do we all owe the pleasure, miss [y/n]?"

"i think you're a bit late on our agreement, mr. shelby." i look up to him with a serious face. "i wanted you to talk to those men, get them to my state, and it all goes away, hm? that would make life so much easier for our families, wouldn't it? if you did your job. i can't do mine until you finish yours, you know."

he smirks, putting out his cigar. "i think we could discuss this later, don't you think? my brothers and i are sorting through completely different business at the moment."

"well, it seems to me that business was waiting for a woman to suck off each of you. at least, that was their business." i stand up, grabbing thomas's half full glass and sip it nearly full, setting it back down and grabbing my purse. "i would say it's been a pleasure, thomas and thomas's brothers, but it has not. have fun at the races."

i open the door and walk out, back towards the ballroom. arthur immediately looks to tommy, shaking his head and nudging john on the side, the two of them cracking up with drunken laughter.

"you fucked her, didn't you?" arthur leans back, watching tommy look down with a flushed grin. "i'm impressed. i didn't think mob bosses went for peaky fucking blinders. i've got to find myself one now, eh?"

thomas chuckled, glancing down at his empty glass and tapping his ring softly against it. “good luck with that, arthur. last thing she’d want is you.” he stood up, filling his glass before getting out of the booth. he held it up to his brothers. “i’ll be back, boys. business.”

arthur and john laugh, gesturing their glasses back towards thomas before he shut the door. thomas sipped down the whiskey as he walked down the hallways, his eyes darting around the room to search for myself, unknowingly aware that i was in the bathroom fixing the pins in my hair.

it seemed he must’ve talked to one of my guards because the door was soon knocked on and opened before i could even respond. i glance over to thomas, rolling my eyes as he leans against the frame with a smirk. i tuck my hair behind my ears, facing him with a blank expression.

“you are aware i came here for business and business only, mr. shelby. i didn’t mean to interrupt you and your brothers, or accidentally share more information than what was given to your family beforehand, but this needs to be taken care of soon.”

he smiled at me, never breaking eye contact during my words. he gestured his glass towards me before taking a sip. “i hear you loud and clear, miss [y/n], but you’re not the only person i have agreements with, eh? i’m a pretty busy man.”

“and i’m a pretty busy woman, mr. shelby. you’ve mentioned it yourself, in our previous encounter, that i was quite a powerful, driven woman, hm? i’ve got other deals to fulfill other than ours, but i can’t do much until you’ve done your part.”

he walked closer to me, his free hand locking the door behind him. he set the glass on the bathroom counter, stepping close enough to corner me into the countertop. i sigh through my nose, crossing my arms. “just do your job, mr. shel-”

“i will.” he interrupts, leaning down to cup both my cheeks, lifting my face up to lock our eyes. “why don’t you let me do something else for you in the meantime, eh?“

i take his hands and pull them off my face, shaking my head and step to the right towards the door. “i told you i came here for business.”

thomas snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me back towards the counter, his grip still soft enough for me to pull away if i wanted to, but i didn’t, feeling him press me against the counter. he leaned down to kiss me gently, which i returned, feeling his hands slide my coat off in the process of it all.

i reach down to unbuckle his belt, then unbutton his pants, sliding my hand down his boxers and onto his forming erection, lightly stroking his cock while he reached behind me to unzip my dress. he slides it off my shoulders and it falls to the floor. i step out of it and scoot it to the side, now left in nothing but my underwear.

he broke the kiss, looking down to my nearly nude figure as he wrapped his arms around me, picking me up and sitting me on the cold countertop. he slipped off his jacket, unbuttoned his white dress shirt, and removed his pants, until he too was left in his underwear.

to my surprise, he leaned down, onto his knees, beginning to kiss my lower thighs, trailing his lips towards my inner thighs, softly licking and kissing and biting my sensitive flesh, until he was inches away from my already wet pussy, which was already visibly coating my white underwear.

“you know, i can’t seem to get the taste of you out my mouth, miss [y/n].” he began, reaching his right hand up to push my underwear to the side. “spread your legs for me, won’t you, love?”

my cheeks redden my stomach tightens and i begin to do so, but hesitated after a moment. it seemed this would be more entertaining and worth while if i presented him with a challenge. “what makes you think i enjoyed it the last time?” i smirk, looking down at thomas. “or better yet, what makes you think you deserve it?”

he chuckles, leaning up to face me again, eye level, and kisses me again, his hands holding me by the shoulders. “oh, is that so? just imagine how i’m going to talk to you when you’re on your knees before me, miss [y/n]. you’re going to be begging me to touch you.”

thomas takes me off the counter and gestures for me to get on the floor, which i do after a few seconds, watching him pull his underwear down, exposing his large erection, my face going red as i look up to him nervously.

“no touching you until i cum, so go on ahead.”

i lean closer, opening my mouth wide and sliding him inside and i begin to suck him off, looking up to lock eyes while i pump his cock with my right hand, which quickly collected spit from my mouth. i feel his hand hold the back of my head, pushing me towards him as his cock shoves itself down my throat, making me gag unexpectedly, while he thrusted himself towards me.

he pushes himself deeper down my throat, and i blink, stimulated tears rolling down my wet cheeks as he throat fucks me, my own pathetic gargles and gags weakly muffled through his cock. he smirks as we lock eyes once again, his balls slapping against my chin as he continues, his free hand reaching down to wipe the tears.

“you want to act like you’re so deserving and so authoritative, miss [y/n], but you’ll let me shove my cock down your throat in a minute.” he chuckles, no break in his rhythm. “you’re gonna swallow every last bit of me, eh? well, you don’t really have a choice with my cock so deep inside your mouth anyway.”

he releases his orgasm down my throat, pumping himself through it as he swallow every last drop. upon pulling himself out of me, i gasp, regaining air and weakly standing up with his help. he leaves no time to waste, kissing me passionately and quickly turning me around, pressing me against the countertop and angling my body towards him, pushing his cock into my folds after coating it with my wetness.

i moan loudly, feeling him reenter my warmth, and it feels just as good, if not better, than the last time. he reaches his hand over to play with my clit, which only causes me to arch my body more towards him, sinking him deeper into my pussy. i glance over into the mirror, his face resting aside me own on my shoulder, locking our eyes through the glass.

he presses a kiss against my cheek and snakes his other arm around my waist, pushing himself deeper inside of me, earning a gasp from my wet lips. he grins at my response, leaning my body up a bit to where i could see below my waist. the mirror that sat on the countertop was tall and long, providing me with a view of thomas’s cock thrusting in and out of me, along with his fingers as they played with my already swollen and overstimulated clit. i stare, my whimpers coating the the room while thomas groaned, fucking me so hard that i could feel the tip of his cock in what felt like my lower stomach.

“i-i wanna watch you cum inside me, thomas. i wanna feel you inside of me.” i moan, my hands holding the edges of the counter. “please fill me up, fuck, please!”

he nodded more to himself, looking me in the eyes through the glass once more as he held me tighter, fucked me harder, and moved his index finger on my clit though a circular motion, the two of us reaching our orgasms soon in harmony, his filling up my insides within seconds of release. he slowly pulled out of me, my own wetness coating his cock and small remains of his cum dripping from my pussy, down my thighs.

i watch him grab a towel from the rack to the side of the toilet, wiping my cheeks and my mouth and then wiping off his cock. he handed it to me to wipe off my pussy, and i then tossed it into a basket of towels aside the rack.

“begging to finish inside of you now, eh? seems someone is losing up their high nature, miss [y/n].” thomas teases as he begins to get dressed.

i shake my head, biting my lower lip as i do the same, slipping on my dress and turning around for him to zip it up. “let’s pretend i didn’t ask you to do that, if you’re going to rub it in my face, mr. shelby.”

he leans down to hand me my coat, reaching into his pocket and grabbing a cigarette, gesturing it towards me and then lighting it for me. he begins to smoke as well, opening the door for me to leave first.

“perhaps the next time i’ll be the one on my knees, if i deserve it, hm?” he jokes, looking down at me with a smirk as i scoff, rolling my eyes.

“i wasn’t lying about that, mr. shelby. you want to taste me so bad, i’ll be the one fucking you like a whore, but that is an act i don’t think a man like you is quite ready for.”

he shakes his head, now upon reaching the room his brothers were still in. he takes my hand and kisses it lightly, his other hand on the doorknob. “i’ll finish my side of the deal this week, miss [y/n]. next meeting of ours, i’ll be ready to see what you have in store for me. i’ll see you then.”

“if you say so.” i grin, winking before i turn the other way and walk back towards the bathroom where my guards stood. i wipe my mouth and hold my head high as i walk down the stairs and towards the doors of the building.

i wasn't someone to give up authority so easily, but thomas shelby was something and someone else. i couldn't even imagine how our next meeting would be after our deal concluded, but whatever it entailed had to involve me having the upper hand.

#smut writing #x yn #x reader #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby smut #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby #thomas shelby peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic

[steveshairychest]

tw: mentions of death

Eddie will forever be grateful that he got a second chance but now he's starting to feel the consequences of his immortality.

Steve's old enough to be his dad now. His hair is almost completely grey at 45; he says the stress of babysitting 6 kids really sped up the process. Eddie still thinks he's the most beautiful person alive, he's aging like fine wine right before his eyes and he's so glad that he gets to spend every second of his immortal life with Steve.

He just wished they'd grow old together.

Dustin's kids think it's weird that their dad is friends with someone who's only just 'freshly 21' but Eddie thinks it's weird that they've never questioned why the man they've known since they were infants hasn't aged a day. He's starting to realise that children are very oblivious, especially if you bring gifts everytime you visit.

He still DMs for the party except now their children join in too. They like to remind Eddie that his rules are very outdated. He gets a disappointed frown from one of his friends when he kills their kid's character just because they annoyed him.

He thought explaining his eternal youth to his friend's kids was going to be the hardest part but he was wrong.

The hardest part was watching all his friends die.

It never got easier. He held their hands, whispered words of comfort as he listened to their hearts slowly stop. He cursed his abilities in these moments; wished he couldn't smell the illness in their blood and hear their hearts get weaker and weaker as they grew older.

Steve went sooner than he expected.

It came on so suddenly, he had no time to prepare himself, no time to figure out a way to go with him.

"See the world for me." Steve whispers to him. He's smiling, he's fucking dying and he has the audacity to smile at Eddie.

"I don't want to live in a world without you." Eddie's voice cracks and he scoots his chair closer so that he can gently rest his head on Steve's stomach. Steve weakly plays with his hair, that stupid smile still on his face.

"Always so dramatic." Steve traces Eddie's face, runs his fingers over his eyes, his nose, his lips, the scar on the side of his face from the bats; something that feels like a lifetime ago. "I love you, Eds, I won't be mad if you find someone else. Just make sure you visit and tell me about them." Eddie's sobbing now, his body shaking as he cries and grips Steve's hand tighter. He can hear it. He can fucking hear his heart slow. It's a sound he'll never be able to forget.

"My heart belongs to you... in this life.. and the next." And then he's gone.

Eddie's ears ring and he knows he's causing a scene, knows that screaming Steve's name won't magically drag him back from whatever place he's gone to, but he can't stop. He has to be forcefully dragged out of the room which is a struggle because Eddie is stronger than the average human.

He hates the silence, hates that he'll never hear the calming, steady beat of his lovers heart. He doesn't sleep for weeks, it feels wrong to sleep in their bed without Steve. He doesn't eat, can't even bring himself to open the fridge and drink the last bit of blood Steve had put aside for him.

It gets to a point where Dustin's oldest kid, Julie, comes to visit and finds him curled up on the floor, hunger so bad he's unable to move, to speak.

"Steve wouldn't want this." She chides and force feeds him the blood from the fridge. He doesn't know when Dustin told her about him, doesn't really care at that point. All he can do is sob weakly as Steve's blood fills his mouth and brings him back from the edge. "Come on. We're going to visit dad."

Dustin's in a retirement home now.

He'd gone downhill after his wife died and the kids had their own lives, they didn't have time to look after him 24/7. Eddie would have taken him in if he'd known, but he's been in a state of limbo for 2 months now. He'd collapsed on the kitchen floor a week ago and would have stayed there if Julie hadn't shown up, his body can withstand neglect a lot better than he thought.

He's missed Robin's 70th birthday.

He's missed the birth of Mike and El's 4th grand kid.

He's missed the release of Will's final book in his series.

He's missed so much life while mourning Steve. He didn't realise so much could happen in just 2 months.

"Hey, dad, I've brought a visitor." Julie says softly, making sure not to startle Dustin. He's sitting on the small lounge next to the window, an old fantasy book in his hands, and seeing him sit there brings back memories of when they were younger. When Dustin used to come by Steve's house just to be near Eddie, to remind himself that Eddie was okay. They'd sit in the bay window in Steve's lounge room and read together for hours. Steve would walk by and flick the lamp on for them because they wouldn't even notice that the sun had set.

He can still see that little kid in the old man in front of him, he's hidden under the wrinkles and grey hair, but when his eyes light up and his smile takes over his face, Eddie sees the kid that he risked his life for. "Eddie!"

Julie leaves them to talk, says that she'll grab them all a cup of coffee. Eddie declines. He hasn't been able to drink coffee since Steve died. It reminds him too much of waking up to quiet humming from the kitchen and coffee flavoured kisses.

Dustin scolds Eddie for neglecting himself, for not calling him or coming to see him so that they could mourn together. It feels strange to be scolded by someone that you used to babysit.

"He told me to move on." Eddie says quietly, bitterly. "But I don't think I'll ever be able to forget him."

"You don't have to forget him." Dustin scoots closer to Eddie on the cramped lounge and makes him look him in the eyes. "You're going to be around for a long time, Eds. You can't be that stereotypical vampire that mourns his long lost love for centuries."

"Maybe I want to."

"Steve would strangle me when I see him next if I let you do that."

When I see him next.

That makes Eddie ache. Will he ever get to see Steve again? Can he even die? He doesn't want Dustin to leave him too but he knows Steve is probably lonely wherever he is. He never liked being on his own for very long.

Eddie leans against his friend's shoulder and sighs shakily. He doesn't want to cry again. He's tired of crying. "I feel hollow, Dustin. I think Steve took a part of me with him."

"He was always quite greedy when it came to you."

Eddie smiles for the first time in 2 months. "He was, wasn't he. He always stole your time with me." He playfully jabbed Dustin in the side and it felt good to laugh with him, to smile and see the familiar twinkle of joy in his friend's eyes.

When they stop laughing and the room fills with a comfortable silence, Eddie asks quietly, "Do you really think you'll see him again?"

Dustin hums and leans back into the lounge, a knowing smile on his lips. "You'll see him again, Eddie. I know it."

Eddie scoffs with a smile. "Why? Because you're old and wise?"

"Precisely."

Eddie knows Dustin is just saying what he wants to hear, what he thinks he needs to move on with his life, but a small part of himself hopes it's true.

He hopes that after he's seen the world, he'll be able to tell Steve all about it.

#SORRY THIS IS LIKE REALLY LONG #I GOT CARRIED AWAY LMAO #steddie #kas eddie munson #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington #st4 vol2 #steveddie #dustin henderson #tw mentions of death

[the-offside-rule]

Sergio 'Checo' Perez (Red Bull Racing) - Feliz Navidad

Requested: no

Prompt: Feliz Navidad

Y/n lay asleep in the coziest bed ever and that was the bed of the spare bedroom in her older brother Sergio's house. She always came over for Christmas since she lived in England for university and usually, Checo would leave her asleep because of the jetlag but her university decided that they wouldn't finish the semester until the 23rd, so she'd only landed the evening before Christmas.

As we were saying, she lay asleep, enjoying how comfortable this he'd was in comparison to the one back IN England when the door shot open wide. She hopped up in a hazy state only to see her brother with his children, blasting Feliz Navidad from a Bluetooth speaker. He always did it when they were younger, ever since Checo found out she hated the song. He played it simply to annoy her but also to wake her up on Christmas. "Sergio, I understand you enjoy annoying me with this song but it won't be a Feliz Navidad if you keep playing this song." Checo laughed as he lifted his children up onto her bed. "Come on! It's time to wake up! It's Christmas!"

"Despierta te!" her nephew chanted over and over again, jumping up and down on the bed. "Junior, why do you do this to Tia Y/n?" she asked. "Can't you do it to Paola?" He shook his little head. "She doesn't stay here for Christmas anymore. It's just you! Now venga! We need to open presents!" Y/n was pulled and dragged out od bed by the enthusiastic little boy. She let out a gasp as her feet touched the freezing marble floors, earning a chuckle from her older brother.

Y/n sat on the sofa, laughing along with Carola, a cup of coffee in hand as they watched Checo and the kids excitedly open presents. They didn't see eachother that often and they were friends before Checo had met Carola, Y/n liked to think that they only got together because of her and that was partially correct. Carola and Y/n were midway through a conversation when she felt a tug at her dressing gown. She looked down to see thbe soft eyes of her nephew and stumbling neice beside him. "And this is for you!" Junior said, lifting a present with his little sister trying to help. "Aw, gracias." She said, taking the gift and carefully shaking it. "I wonder what it could be?" They jumped around excitedly until she had torn the wrapping paper and took a good look at it. Her wide and partially forced smile softened as she looked at the gift.

A beautiful frame, hand decorated with buttons, glitter, ribbons and other little bits and pieces. And inside, a family photo. Her parents sat on a chair in the middle of the photo and either side of them, their children from oldest to youngest and finally, the in laws and grandchildren. Y/n looked over to Carola, who had an arm around her and back to the frame. Then, underneath the photo she noticed a small note. Ll

Buena suerte en Londres y no nos olvides <3

She kept her smile on, trying not to show that she was sad but no matter how much she tried to hide it, her brother new better. "How about you go and get some breakfast, eh? Before everyone else comes to visit?" The children nodded and trailed out after Carola.

"Now, what is going on?" Checo asked his sister, who was hunched over crying into the coloured wrapping paper. "Nothing" Y/n replied, still weeping. "Don't lie. I'll get Paola and you know she won't stop until you tell her so it's easier to tell me instead." Y/n let out a shaky sigh. "I just miss being home." Checo arched a brow. "No, I'm being serious. I hate London. I don't know anybody! I miss hanging out with Carola every day. I miss being with my friends here. I just miss everything!" Checo pulled his little sister into a hug. "I know. Moving away is always hard. It's one of those things about growing up. I had to go to Germany all by myself, remember that?" She nodded. "Well I grew up then and I benefited from it greatly."

Y/n remembered how Checo went to Germany. She was so little and didn't understand why she could only talk to him through a phone or a letter. She didn't get it but if course, with age, she did. "You living in London will be good for you, I know it will." Checo said, rubbing her arm in an attempt to calm her down. "I know. I just miss you so much." She sniffled. "Well let's not make memories of you crying, let's go make some happy memories while you're here, eh?" She wiped her eyes and nodded. "I suppose me should. Can't leave the place staying sad again."

The pair stood up and went to the door to go out to the kitchen when Sergio stopped his young sister. "By the way, Y/n?" she looked back at him. "Feliz Navidad." Y/n laughed and hugged her brother. "Feliz Navidad, Checo."

#f1 blurb #f1 imagine #f1 oneshot #f1 oneshots #sergio perez #sergio perez imagine #sergio perez imagines #sergio perez x reader #sergio perez x y/n

[gemini-sensei]

You're Hired | Boss!Eli x Nanny!Reader

Chubby!Fem!Reader ○ Widowed!Dad!Hawk

Inspired by "The Nanny" because I love it. I had to do this as soon as it popped into my head. I may do multiple parts, but it just depends. @sensei-venus (update: edited)

Series Masterlist

With three young children and a job that kept him busy, Eli Moskowitz didn't know what to do with himself. There were no easy answers, not after his wife died. He stayed with the kids for a long time, helping them through the emotions they shouldn't of had to go through, but it was life. It hurt to see them like that, though he knew his youngest wouldn't remember her mom due to the fact that she was just a baby. It broke his heart to uncertain degrees.

When he returned to work, friends would help take care of the kids. It was easy when the older two were in school and the baby could go to Moon for a day. She loved helping and taking care of his precious baby girl, but it couldn't last. Before a full year passed, Moon became busier and couldn't care for the baby so much. He understood, of course, but he just wished it was easier.

So he started looking for a nanny, someone to stay in that extra room in his house who could help the kids get dressed in the morning, feed them breakfast, ensure they get to school on time. However, every interview went haywire. His kids didn't like them or the interviewees didn't like the kids. One woman was upset his 18 month old wasn't potty trained, another was picky about how many of the kids they'd be responsible for.

On the other hand, his kids were unhappy with all of them. His son, his oldest, purposefully sabotaged some interviews because he didn't like them. He blew his nose in one man's sleeve, then showed off his pet ferret to one woman who was squeamish around small animals. His oldest daughter got quiet and kicked her feet when she didn't like someone; she checked out with a coloring book while he kept talking. His youngest made it clear by crying or throwing up on an interviewee.

Eli was getting close to the end of the line. He'd interviewed a handful of people, but none of them even came close. It didn't matter to him what credentials they had or who they worked for before, they didn't meet his first standard. The most important thing he wanted to see was at least one person get along with his kids.

He thought one would make the cut, but evidently that was too much to ask for. The snobby and high class nannies wanted to work for the him, one of the biggest names in the high tech industry, but none of them were good enough.

He just wanted to find someone with class, who he could trust with his children and whom they liked.

He was in his home office late one morning when he heard the doorbell ring. He wasn't expecting any visitors, so he wasn't in a rush to answer it. He was reading a report, intent on answering the door but ultimately forgetting about it.

He need not worry, though, as his oldest daughter answered the door. She was only five, but had fairly good manners.

She smiled as she opened the door to a pretty woman, who's face lit up when she saw her. She was a little shy, but greeted the stranger politely. "Hello..."

"Well hello there," Reader said sweetly. She crouched down to the little girl's level with a soft smile. "My name is Reader. I'm opening a boutique downtown because I love to dress up. Is your mommy or daddy home?"

"Daddy's in his office," the little girl told her passively. She smiled wide. "I love playing dress up! Do you wanna play?"

Reader was a little apprehensive. She was only going around handing out fliers for her boutique, thinking that going old school would make her stand out. There was no plan on entering any of these big, lovely houses. However, as the little girl grabbed her hand, she let herself be pulled inside because she didn't want to hurt the girl's feelings.

Her bag got dropped onto a lush couch as she was shown a big box of dress up items. There were crowns and boas and vests and capes and hats and jackets and so much more. Reader was told to sit down on the floor so she could get a make over.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" Reader asked softly.

"Mia."

"That's a pretty name."

"Thank you."

Mia wrapped Reader with a boa and a sparkly belt. Everything reminded Reader of her little vintage, thrifted boutique. As the items kept coming out, there were pretty garmets and jewelry. By the end, the child had dressed her in lace gloves and a long necklace. She felt like a kid again.

In the middle of getting some glittery eyeshadow put on, a roar came echoing through the house from down the hall.

A little boy came bounding into the room with a bike helmet on his head and a long red cape. He shouted and yelled from his belly, howling with laughter each time. It all came to a halt as soon as he saw Reader sitting on the living room floor.

He held a foam sword that he quickly pointed at Reader. "Who are you?"

"This is Reader," Mia giggled. "She's my new best friend."

"No, I'm your best friend!" the boy shouted and stamped his foot on the floor. "I am! I am! Not her!"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Reader said softly, calling their attention gently. "Don't you know? You can always have more than one best friend. Friends are great, so why not have tons of them to be the best?"

The kids were quiet for a moment before the boy spoke. "I think I get it."

Reader giggled and smiled. "Right?"

"Are you the best?" he asked.

"I like to think so."

Soon, the room was full of laughter and merriment again. It carried down the hall and into Eli's office. It was loud and fun, something a note above what the norm had been recently. He was curious to see what made the twins so happy, so he stood up and walked down to the living room, though he was shocked to see a stranger dancing with the kids in silly little moves around the living room.

She was dressed in some of the items he knew were from his daughter's chest of clothes. She smiled like a woman who never let the seriousness of adult life get her down. Her body was curvaceous and plump, parts of her bouncing as she danced and swayed to the tune of his kids laughing and singing whatever little song they'd come up with.

Even though she was a stranger, a light bulb went off over Eli's head as he watched them. They didn't notice him, and it allowed him a moment to observe the way she was with them.

Especially as Phoenix was about to run into the table's edge.

She gently pulled him away from it by his arm before he could slam into it with all of the full force his tiny but mighty body had.

"Whoa there! Let's be careful," Reader said.

The pause allowed her to see more of the room and the tall, imposing figure near the doorway. She straightened up and smoothed out her shirt, a guilty look dawning her face.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I've invaded your home," she said, startled and embarrassed. "I don't usually do this. Your children invited me in and I know I should have made boundaries, told them it was inappropriate, but your daughter was so excited and I couldn't tell her no. I should have, I know, and I'm so so-"

"Daddy! Daddy!" Mia shouted, running over to him. She grabbed his hand similarly to the way she did with Reader and dragged him into the center of the room. "This is Reader!"

"She's our new best friend!" Phoenix shouted happily.

Eli was unable to take his eyes off of the woman the entire time he was brought across the room and even after. As he came to a stop, he stood straight and tall, watching her carefully. His mind was speeding as fast as a bullet train, surely aware that he had lost it altogether with the thoughts that ran through it.

"Again, I'm so sorry, sir," Reader said, feeling incredibly awkward and scared. This man had every right to call the police on her and have her arrested, so she wanted to make a quick exit. So she started taking off the dress up items and set them down. "I'll go."

"No, stay," he mumbled. Just speaking it made him feel crazy. This was crazy, wasn't it? "How would you like a job?"

"What?"

"A job."

"I-I already have one. I, um, I own a little boutique in town."

"You own it?"

"Yes..."

"Keep it and come work for me. Manage that from here."

"Here?"

"I want you to be a nanny to my children."

"You don't even know me."

"I know your name-"

"I don't know yours."

"Eli Moskowitz."

He put his hand out and she stared at it stupidly for a moment before shaking it. She told him her name, then asked softly:

"Why me?"

He answered plainly, "Because you're the only person they've liked."

"Oh..."

"How well are you with babies?"

Reader was yet again taken aback. "Babies?"

"I have an 18 month old. Junie."

"Babies aren't too terrible. I love them."

"Then you're hired."

And just like that, Eli had found himself someone amazing. He just didn't know exactly how amazing she was yet. All that mattered were the cheers the twins gave as they hopped around their feet with giddy giggles and wide smiles. If only he'd known then how truly special it all would be.

#nanny!reader #dad!hawk #single dad!hawk #eli moskowitz headcanons #eli moskowitz imagine #eli moskowitz x reader #eli moskowitz #eli moskowitz x chubby reader #hawk moskowitz x chubby reader #eli hawk moskowitz #hawk moskowitz x reader #hawk moskowitz #eli hawk moskowitz x reader #cobra kai #cobra kai headcanons #cobra kai x reader #cobra kai x chubby reader #cobra kai x plus size reader #chubby reader #plus size reader #nanny au #gemini sensei

[petarabbit2]

Realistic Trey Clover + Headcanons

Trey Clover + Realistic artwork done with Art Breeder and edited in Clip Art Studio:

This happens a lot with my headcanons but after analysing Trey he went from one of my least favourites to one of my favourites in no time – hope you like him as much as I do!

Sidenote: When headcanoning Trey and all my other characters I take both factual and some of my personal thoughts/beliefs of the character to construct my headcanons.

For my rendition of Trey Clover, I kept him relatively close to his in-game design and didn't give him any visible flaws (ance, moles, etc.) since Trey’s diet seems pretty balanced, he knows eating too many sweets can give you cavities. It would also help with his skin’s condition, it wouldn't be smooth or perfect but wouldn't have many visible red breakouts, but isn't immune to a few pimples here and there.

You may also notice I gave him stubble on his chin because Trey in game looks very mature, plus it is extremely common for his age period to start developing body hair (face, body, etc.) and Trey probably got this.

For his realistic rendition, I went with a rectangular face shape that is fairly chiselled (Trey is on that mewing streak 🤫🧏‍♀️), almond eyes with THICK eyebrows and the cherry on top being his very broad and straight nose. In conclusion, I made him a chad. (tee hee yummy)

For his body MY MAN IS BUILT, so a rectangular fairly muscular build (thick fucking arms bro is kneeding that bread) 

And yet another pom 😞 but it's all done for a reason! The rose kingdom is based on the UK so I just gave everyone from there an accent and depending on personal thoughts depends on how strong I make it and yes, Trey has a strong accent – he doesn't really use slang though, idk he's a bit too mature for that.

Without & With Makeup:

Personality and backstory headcanons + a bit of character analysis:

Ah yes, the “dad” of Heartslabyul and I don't disagree with this basic statement but sometimes he is dumbed down to just that, a “dad”. Yes, young adults such as himself can have a stronger connection to his morals, but he’s still only 18, and most importantly human. Not everything he will do will be correct, and even if they are good in theory, they may still have negative consequences.

For example, just before Riddles overblot, Ace even blatantly asked him why he hasn't corrected Riddle behaviour because he thought that just staying by his side, comforting him and being his friend was enough but quickly learnt it wasn't. Trey has always been the oldest, with his friends, with his siblings and he had always had that sense of responsibility over the younger generations (also seen with first and second years in-game), however, other than that, his character isn’t heavily touched on besides just being the “dad” or “big brother”.

Trey probably has moments where he questions himself, if he's the best person for others to rely on. What I'm trying to say is that neither his mind nor body is fully developed and even people like him who seem so strong have their weak moments.

Trey genuinely cares a lot for his loved ones, both friends and family, and usually takes on a mediator role to solve issues and help others. Though, he’s a little bit of a people pleaser and when something is out of his depth and he doesn’t immediately see the ‘right’ way to do something, he tends to try and avoid the root cause of the issue and instead finds an easier solution, which may not have the best turnout in the end. 

For example, Trey’s feelings around Riddle’s overblot and childhood trauma affecting his present-day behaviour. I believe that Trey felt horrible after Riddles overblot, seen when he said he's sorry to Riddle despite being Riddles own fault. When Trey can’t fulfil that “dad” role or sees he's been doing something wrong for a long time he doesn't know what to do.

He doesn’t do this out of a lack of care, but because of how much he cares instead. He is also often seen pandering to other’s wants just to please them and make sure they are happy. Also as mentioned before, he is still young, he still may not know the best thing to do, but these actions he takes he sees as a sort of in-the-moment solution.

Trey appreciates deep conversation and knows what to say in them, he's good at comforting and will observe all the people he cares about so he knows exactly how to comfort that specific person.

Trey is always looking out for his friends, whether that be making sure they are keeping up with the school's work and getting decent grades, or making sure they aren't getting into too much rough housing with others. If this does happen however, Trey would definitely go out of his way to tutor lower classmen to the best of his ability or have a ‘talk’ if he has to with people picking on his friends.

My editor/assistant cause I can’t grammar or spell to save my life: @cyb3rpnnk 

SIDENOTE: DO NOT REPOST MY REALISTIC RENDITION OF DEUCE OR ANY OTHER CHARACTER I DO AS YOUR OWN. EVEN THOUGH THE BASE WAS MADE WITH AI IT IS STILL MY CREATION!

However you are permitted to use my headcanoing as your own for art or stories or whatever, just not my realistic rendition.

I dont have much to say this time, but the next one with either be Riddle or Cater idk.

#twisted wonderland #trey clover #trey clover headcanons #twst headcanons #twst imagines #disney twst #twst wonderland #twst fanart #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twst art #twst trey clover #twisted wonderland imagines #twst trey #twisted wonderland trey clover

[ohbother2]

Hi!!

I just wanna say first off that I completely get if you don't respond to this cos it's quite a random question and I hope you're doing well :)

but I wanted to ask! Do you have an oc for Hazbin Hotel?? I'd personally love to know what you're mind's come up with because you write all the characters with so much detail! Ik this I random but a lot of other big creators in the Hazbin Hotel fandom have pitched their own oc's and I was just wondering if you had the same!!

Would love it if you shared, but completely get if not :)) hope you're doing well, can't wait for the alastor fic!!! <3

Hi!!

Can't lie when I saw this ask in my inbox I was really surprised, I didn't think people really cared for oc's tbh

But yes I do! They don't have a name yet though but a very thorough backstory 😅

I guess I could give you some of the brief details? I don't want to swamp my followers with things they're not interested in, so if you guys want to hear any more just lmk :)

Details under the cut to make this easier to scroll past if you're not interested!

Disclaimer - I've had this oc since way back in 2019 when the pilot dropped so she has some similarities to other characters in the series that I wasn't aware of at the time. Also, dark themes ahead watch out.

So, my oc is a woman who died in 1948 at 24 years old.

I head canon that exterminators are a class of people who did 'sinful' deeds but for the right reasons - they go to Heaven but on the condition that they perform this one 'sinful' killing act once a year.

My oc had to kill her brother in self-defence after he suffered from PTSD after WW2 and mistook her as an 'enemy' during a particularly bad flashback. That was the only 'real' sin she committed, so when she went to heaven she was recruited as an exterminator.

She was murdered by her father (strangulation), who could not forgive her for killing her brother. Because of this, she has horrendous trust issues.

She's the oldest of three siblings: two brothers and a sister. Only her youngest brother outlived her.

In heaven, she never sought out her mother or sister, too scared to admit to them what she did, or what happened to their family.

She is technically a 'fallen' angel, but never had her wings removed. She fought with another exterminator over having to kill a child (embarrassingly close to Vaggie's origin story, I was unaware at the time, and may change this to be more original), managed to kill them, but was wounded and unable to make it back to the portal and was left stranded in Hell. She still retains some of her 'angelic' power and attributes because of this. After the portal closed, she was severed from Heaven and took on a 'demon' form. Her wings are tattoos along her back and arms, which can transform into wings if she wants - she rarely does.

She originally tried to persuade exterminators that she was one of them to go back. They just thought she was a sinner trying to lie to them. She's long since given up her hopes of returning to Heaven, and has slowly grown to hate Heaven and the exterminators over her many decades of seeing the effects of the exterminations in Hell.

As a final 'fuck you' to Heaven, she joined the Hazbin Hotel in hopes of screwing up Heaven's preconceptions. She may have the wrong motives, but she's trying her best.

Her love interest is Alastor, but they begin as enemies. It takes a long time for both of them to come around to one another. They bond over their similar time periods, and an odd relationship forms. She has an equally morbid sense of humour after growing up during a particularly bad part of history. Alastor is determined not to let some random sinner be his biggest weakness, she is appalled that such a heinous man could worm his way into her heart. A reluctant love story for both parties.

She's never sought out her father or oldest brother, who are in Hell. She doesn't know what she'd do if she found them - what do you say to the man you killed, and the man who killed you in revenge for that act? She won't admit it, but she's absolutely terrified they'll find her.

She has a lot of demons, and drinks heavily to distract herself from them. She was a 'good soul' on earth, and now that she has free rein she indulges herself as often as she can. She'll never get back to Heaven (she believes) so what does it matter? Men, booze, drugs, does what she wants with it all.

She has a good relationship with Angel Dust, Husk and Sir Pentious. She often hangs out at the bar with them. Despite him being 'The Bartender', even Husk doesn't know her full backstory or how she died, he does notice she hates being touched on the neck, and grows defensive when Alastor constantly pushes this boundary in the first months of knowing her.

She once punched Alastor square in the face in the middle of the hotel lobby for pushing this boundary on the anniversary of her death. He would've killed her on the spot if it weren't for Charlie running in between them. It's this moment that I head canon as the day Alastor realises he actually cares for her more than he thought - he is genuinely upset (and furious for other reasons) that she would push him away so forcefully. He can't allow that.

She gets along well with Niffty, but her childlike antics remind her too much of her younger siblings and she can struggle to be around her for too long. She tries to keep her distance, for her own peace of mind.

Charlie also reminds her of her younger sister, but in a far more 'manageable' way. She does her best to support her with her hopes with the hotel. Vaggie makes sure to keep Charlie 'away' from my oc, she doesn't trust her at all. Vaggie can sense something is off with the hotel's newest resident, but can't quite figure out what. Lucifer is the same.

#Hazbin Hotel oc #can't believe some of you guys are actually interested in this #I've contemplated writing an actual fanfic about this #but that would over the summer after the academic year has ended #hazbin hotel #Hazbin Hotel oc x alastor #alstor

[crabbytrolls]

Branches Backstory in order????

I don't even have this account fully set up, but I'm truly trying to figure out the timeline of the trolls movies, for myself as well as somewhat rant, about mostly branches backstory and his brothers. This might come out as late night mad scrawling on a wall in a dark cave.

Is this important? To me at 2:34 am with only a few hours before I need to be up? right now? it is.

I will be assuming a lot, but whoops. a Lot of rambling under here. Spoilers ahoy for those who haven't watched Trolls Band Together.

So From what we know, Branch and his brothers were raised by Their Grandmother, we can assume that their parents got eaten by Bergens.

Now seeing as how their Grandmothers house was still in the old tree the Bergens had imprisoned them all in before they became buddy buddy, we can assume then that the Brozone stuff happens when they are all still stuck in the tree.

How did they get out?? Did they all wait until The day that everyone escaped? If so. shitty of them all Did they each manage to sneak away from the tree and go their own ways? For this I'm going to assume that most of them snuck away in single pairings, which would probably make sneaking away from the Bergens easier.

However I'm going to assume Clay stuck around for a bit seeing as he knew the whole situation with Viva, and her backstory. Probably stuck around for his sad book club.

(Which if that is what happened that makes me angry as can be, because that would mean not once did he check up on Branch or Their Grandmother, seeing as how he didn't even know she had been EATEN. unless she got snacked on the day right before trollstice. Even then that's shitty. Now, could he have thought Floyd was with them still? yes. But still You would think that he would try to find his siblings and Grandmother if they were going to be escaping.)

Now more assuming on my part, seeing as in the first Trolls movie Branch isn't in diapers, and in the beginning of Band Together, he is, I'm going to assume that the difference between the break up and the grandmother being eaten thing is maybe at the most 2 if not 3 years. (which also damn troll minds must be as strong as can be if Branch can actually remember all of his siblings after 20 years of not seeing them.) Anyways I'm setting Branch to be at the most 5 if not 6 around the time Grandma Rosiepuff gets eaten. Which leads to Branch loosing his colors.

Now we don't know how far from Grandma Rosiepuff the Escape on Trollstice, but for this We'll say it was rather close, if not the day before because Chef wanted to taste just one troll before the king to continue to feel like they were important.

Then King Peppy manages to take the trolls, and loose Viva and some other trolls, and Branch goes through those tunnels without any family (which probably didn't help his Paranoia at all.) Then John Dory Went to the tree, and found it empty. (does this make me forgive him any? no.) But seeing as he he might have seen the tree gone and thought the entire kingdom and all of his siblings, maybe, if he hadn't watched them leave, had been eaten and traumatized by that so he gets a pass small pass. For Now.

That means for almost all his life so far, Branch has not seen hide nor hair, of his sibling, and only has been able to hear their music to hear their voices.

it's late but I think that's everything that happens before the movies pretty much right? Anyways. Branch makes me sad and I will fight his brothers. Including Floyd thought not as much seeing as he's probably one solid punch away from turning back to a crystalized state.

I think John Dory was probably the only one that came back to the tree because he was the oldest, and he had 4 siblings he was taking care of, and did care for them in some form. Clay was busy being stuck with Viva, Floyd was doing whatever Floyd was doing before getting trapped, Maybe he came back but can't be certain, and Bruce was busy getting his life going. Anyways rant done.

#Big thoughts about little guys #trolls band together #trolls #trolls fandom #branch #Late night rambles #I will fight all of them I stg

[angelbroad]

This Scarab Is Blue

Inspired by an age swap au by @runeiio , but with a colder Khaji-Da

Milagro waited outside the middle school, scrolling through her phone as she waited for her little brother to come out. She had finished school earlier, and mom had asked her to pick up Jaime since she would be working later than expected. The pop of her bubblegum was simultaneous with the ringing of the bell, and Milagro waited and looked at the horde of children leaving the doors to find her own. She finally spotted a poof of brown hair and a blue backpack, and making her way through the children horde, Milagro got a hold of Jaime.

"Ey, Jaime!"

"Hola Mili.", the boy greeted back.

The two were soon on the street, Milagro meeting Brenda and Paco along the way and catching a conversation. Milagro unconsciously toyed with her ring, itching for a flight. Her attention was turned to an empty plot by Paco.

"Didn't this place used to have a building?", he asked.

"Kord.", Brenda confirmed, "And now it's like nothing was ever there."

Milagro looked at the empty plot with a flat mouth. It had been just over a month when her and the other Lanterns had this serious of a mission. Guy was especially cautious about this one, as it involved one of the Corps' oldest enemies. The Reach. Somehow Kord had gotten their hands on an Infiltrator, and Jarvis Kord wished to replicate that technology. Thankfully, they had help from the Blue Beetle, who was sadly lost in the crossfire as well as the Infiltrator. Guy considered it a somewhat win. The scarab was out of sight, and hopefully it would stay inactive and out of mind as well.

The girl noticed that Jaime had gone inside the plot, because he was coming back from it by the time Milagro turned her attention back to him.

"You off exploring little man?", she asked as the group started walking again, Jaime skipping to catch up to the teens.

"H-Hey! Wait up! Yeah, I just went and looked a little bit."

"Bien.", Paco said, "Found anything good, little man?"

Jaime shrugged, "Maybe."

"Oh sweet. Show me when we get home.", Milagro said.

"Mmmm, what if I don't?", Jaime teased.

"Oh you will you little twerp.", Milagro answered with a smile, "'sides, if you don't show me I'll just take it from ya when you're asleep."

"Would you stop stealing my stuff??"

"Naaah."

The two seperated with Brenda and Paco a little further down, the duos going their seperate ways. Jaime and Milagro decided to wait until their parents got home to start eating lunch, Milagro already preparing the food and forgetting about Jaime's supposed discovery. She made it easier on herself by using the ring to multi-task. Yes, mom said no suits in the house, but she wasn't here right now.

"Milagro Reyes."

Ah fuck-

"Sorry mamá.", Milagro said as she made everything disappear and rubbed the back of her head in guilt.

Bianca shook her head with a sigh as Milagro helped her with the bags, "Mili, I just don't want another accident in the house. Do you remember that time when your energy construct made a cabinet fall down?"

"Lo sé, lo sé. Lo siento, mamá."

"Está bien cariño.", Bianca responded, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Just try and keep that in mind, m'kay?"

"Yes ma'am.", Milagro responded, also going to greet her dad.

During the meal, Milagro couldn't help but feel...wrong. Her ring was ringing in her head like crazy, like the alarms blaring at the red flags on your tinder date. The constant rubbing of her temple had her dad ask if she had a headache, which she declined despite herself. It was her turn to wash dishes today, so she had her back turned as Jaime was telling their parents about his day.

"-and I also found something weird in that Kord space."

"Kord space?"

"Where that building was."

"Jaime, hijo, I told you not to go there. It's under construction, it could be dangerous."

"I know, I'm sorry.", Jaime said, "But I'm not hurt."

"What did you find, Jaime?", Alberto asked.

"Oh, I have it in my bag. Let me go get it.", Jaime said before getting up and skipping off.

Bianca looked at Milagro, "What did he find, Mili?"

Milagro shrugged, "I dunno, he didn't tell me." Her back was still turned to the three as Jaime returned, emptying the bag on the table much to his mother's dismay.

"Huh. Now that's something new.", Alberto said.

Jaime nodded, "I picked it up with my backpack, cause I didn't know if it was cool to touch it."

Milagro raised an eyebrow as she looked out the window. What a weird comment to make.

"It looks...weird.", Bianca commented, seemingly picking it up to study the object herself, "A little dirty, but I think it's alright to hold."

The object was handed back to Jaime as Milagro turned around.

"What did you find any...way..."

The thing Jaime was holding. It was the Infiltrator. Its legs started moving, Jaime looking at it with innocent wonder.

"No no no! Jaime put that down!", Milagro moved, but was not fast enough as a shocked Jaime backed away as the scarab climbed up his arm, finding its way to his back where it dug its feet in, making the boy scream in pain.

Their parents were terrified, and Milagro started cursing to herself and then out loud as she transformed. She knelt down to hold Jaime before looking at her parents with a panicked expression.

"Call Gardner. Now!"

Alberto moved to get a phone as Bianca stood there with the most shocked expression Milagro had ever seen from her.

"Milagro. What is this??"

"It's an Infiltrator. It-"

Jaime begun to shake as something started to sprout from the scarab, encasing her brother in a black and blue armor as the scarab hid itself in an enlarged beetle on his back like a crude backpack. No no no no no-why?? Out of anyone on Earth, why Jaime?!

"S-Sis...? W-What-t's hap-ppening?"

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay hermano. W-We'll get it out it's just..."

Oh god, she couldn't even recognise her brother's face. Jaime jumped, looking around.

"H-Hello?"

"Jaime?"

"I heard a voice..."

The scarab...Milagro grabbed his arms and made him look at her, "Jaime. Whatever you do, don't listen to it, okay?"

Host: aquired

"H-Host?"

Hello, Jaime

"W-Why?"

"Because it's evil!", Milagro blurted out. Bianca looked like she was about to pass out.

"It went to the answering machine.", Alberto said as he entered the room.

Jaime noticed the backpack was opening up as Milagro turned her head away.

"Well fuck-"

"What are thrusters?", Jaime asked.

Milagro looked at him, "Who-?"

Suddenly, Jaime was flung through the roof, leaving a hole in the ceiling.

"...Oh no you don't.", Milagro said through gritted teeth as she followed the Infiltrator through the hole in the roof.

"W-Where are we going??", Jaime asked as he was practically dragged out of his own house.

Testing flight systems., the voice replied.

"I can see that!"

Don't worry, no harm will come to you

"I find that hard to believe-"

"Jaime!", Milagro called out as she was gaining on them. The Reach could take a lot of things, but her familia was off-limits!

Threat detected: Green Lantern

"N-No, that's just Mili."

A canon manifested on his right arm, his arm moved up by the scarab and towards Milagro.

"Mili! Look out!", Jaime warned, Milagro working to avoid the blasts coming her way and making a shield as she moved behind Jaime to grab him.

"Let him go you damn space bug!", she barked at the scarab. The mandables tried to poke her in the face and neck, but through quick thinking, Milagro made armor for those parts. But as she focused on holding her brother, she failed to pay attention to her surroundings, resulting in her back hitting a building and her grip loosening, which resulted in Jaime escaping. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Where was Guy Gardner when you needed him??

The flight became more stable the further it went on.

"Why did you do that??"

Elaborate

"You tried to hurt my sister!"

All Green Lanterns are to be eliminated on sight

"Stop using those big words! And my sister is not a threat!"

She is now., it said, Now that you are of the Reach, you are an enemy of the Green Lantern Corps

"But...I'm not...", bad. Jaime wanted to say he was not bad. But the words wouldn't come out for some reason, even when they finally landed in a deserted area. Jaime held himself, shaking. "C-Can we go home...please?"

Negative. Green Lantern will know of our position

Jaime frowned, "For the last time, Mili is my sister! She'd never hurt me!"

Host puts too much trust in family unit

"Says you! Why should I trust you, huh? You took me from my house!"

Green Lanterns are dangerous. Retreat: best option

Jaime's face softened as he realised something, "Are you...scared of Lanterns?"

Nonsense., the voice sounded quite rushed to respond, further confirming Jaime's suspicions.

"You are.", he said, hands on his hips.

I am a warrior of the Reach. Fear is not within my programming

"Liar."

Host: testing patience

"Look, if you take me back home, I'll tell sis to not kick your butt. Okay?"

That didn't seem to convince the scarab, much to Jaime's frustration. He started to walk, the armor feeling weird on him.

"Guess I'll walk then."

It would take at least one Earth day to return 'home'. Insufficient strategy

"Well, if you won't fly me back, I'm walking there."

Meanwhile, Milagro was panicking, having called Gardner at least eleven times as she searched for the Infiltrator. She was sent to the answering machine every time, but on the twelfth time he finally picked up.

"Hey kid, what's the-"

"The Infiltrator has been activated!"

"The what??"

"The Reach Infiltrator! What the fuck were you doing that you couldn't pick up the phone???"

She could hear Guy cursing as he moved his phone away from him before he returned, "You know the host?"

"Yes. Do not lay a finger on him when you find him, or I'm kicking your ass all the way to Antarctica!"

"This is an Infiltrator! It's supposed to be-"

"The Infiltrator took my brother!", Milagro screamed at the phone, "If I see even a scratch on him when I find him and you were involved, you're fucking dead!!"

Guy gulped, eyes widening as he remembered the alarmingly young age of the boy. He should have expected the Reach to stoop this low.

"...You have my word.", he said, flying off to find Jaime Reyes.

#ao3 writer #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #dc #dc fanfic #milagro reyes #jaime reyes #au #dc au #guy gardner #khaji da

[dandylovesturtles]

What would happen if any of the other got turn invisible instead of leo in “I May Be Invisible, But I Still Look Good”?

This is such a fun question... I actually got asked this awhile back in the comments on the fic itself and I gave a quick answer there but I kinda want to answer it more in dept this time. A lot of it depends both on which boy is invisible and which boys are left. Let's game it out.

I TALKED A LOT SO HERE'S A CUT LOL

If Mikey gets cursed, I think that's when you see the biggest implosion of the remaining brothers - think the fight in chapter 2 but so, so much worse. I mean, that's their little brother - nothing is supposed to happen to the little brother! Everyone's self blame would be at an all-time high; Raph because he's the oldest and he's supposed to protect everyone, Leo because he's the leader and he's supposed to protect everyone, and Donnie because I think based on their movie dynamic, when Raph and Leo's relationship started to tank Donnie really took it on himself to care for Mikey even more than he already did, and even though this is post-movie and Raph and Leo are doing better, I think he really internalized that. So everyone is like "I was supposed to protect Mikey and I didn't" and then they would turn that anger external and things would get hot really quick. And Splinter would likely be even less help because he'd be devastated if something happened to any of them but when it's the baby it hits different. Not to mention, Mikey is the main moderating emotional force of the family, and he obviously wouldn't be able to do anything (at first).

Meanwhile Mikey himself would be pretty upset watching all this go down and not being able to do anything about it, and would be desperately trying to reach them. I think Mikey would actually have an easier time of this than Leo though because he's both better at mystic stuff and better at emotions, so assuming the curse is the same one I made for IMBI then he'd probably start breaking it much more quickly, hopefully in time to save his brothers from saying anything they can't take back haha... Not saying that Mikey wouldn't have a bad time of course, he still would, but he might be able to get out of it a bit more quickly.

If I had to pick in the Mikey scenario, I think I would have him break through to Donnie first with sight, then Leo with touch, and Raph with sound, and probably focus a bit on the conflict where Raph and Mikey grew apart as they got older because Raph was too overprotective... I keep giving Raph sound to force him into Conversations lol.

If Raph got cursed, I feel like he would handle it even less well than Leo does, because Raph would not be able to handle the isolation for long. He'd maybe manage to not go entirely Savage Raph just because he's still around his family, but it would definitely take a heavy mental toll on him. Meanwhile, the younger bro trio is still obviously devastated but I feel like of all the available options they're the most stable... since I went the medic Leo route he definitely wouldn't let Donnie get away with hiding the EEG results from him for long (and would probably suspect Raph is braindead pretty quickly anyway), and while they might fight over what to do about it I think they would manage not to come to blows over it, or at least if they did Mikey would help manage it like he does in IMBI.

I do think this scenario is probably the most interesting of the alternate ones because you could focus on Raph's deteriorating mental state and how he has to reach out to his brothers for help with his ninpo as his isolation gets worse, thus putting him in a vulnerable state he's never really had to be in before. And on the flip side you have the three younger brothers having to take charge to save their big brother, which, as soon as they realized what was going on, they would of course do. Big bro really needs them and they're determined to be there for him!

I'm kind of going back and forth on who I think should get what. I think Mikey breaking the curse first still makes the most sense so maybe Mikey with sight, Donnie with sound, Leo with touch would be good. But I also feel like whoever gets touch would be a double edged sword, because Raph really needs that grounding but as his mental state deteriorates he could also become unintentionally aggressive, and be scared that he may accidentally hurt whoever has touch, and then deny himself, thus making things worse. So I'm kind of divided on whether it would be more fun to give that to Leo or Mikey... heh heh.

Cursed Donnie is an interesting remix because without Donnie we don't get the "he's braindead" drama; no one else knows he made the EEG, and even though Leo would have his suspicions I think he wouldn't be as quick to actually call it as Donnie, especially because he can't run any real tests. At best he can just say "yeah his glasgow coma score is real bad" lol. I do think without that tension though we don't get the explosive fights that happen in other scenarios, just everyone trying to do whatever they can for Donnie and begging him to wake up.

Meanwhile ghost Donnie though? He's doing the absolute worst at breaking the curse. He's determined to fix this himself because there has to be a way to fix it, right? Right? RIGHT??? And I think he would spend really just too much time trying to leave the lair to find a solution and trying to fight the force keeping him tied to his body because there's a lot of emotions happening in the lair and he doesn't want to process any of them and trying to leave and find a solution is better than staying here so HE'S GOING LOOK AT HIM GO no wait stop fading shoot shoot shoot-

He'd break through eventually but I think it would take longer than the ~10 days Leo took lol so maybe give him a bit more time to break the curse before he's like this permanently...

I think it would be really funny if he broke touch first because he would hate that so so much but it would also probably make things difficult narratively so let's say he breaks it like Leo with sound, Raph with sight, Mikey with touch. I don't have great reasons this time it just Feels Right.

Thanks for the ask, sorry for all the rambling!

#fic: i may be invisible but i still look good #the version of this story with Donnie is more of a black comedy I think #he'd be so mad about every single part of this lol #just full on ranting the whole time #with mikey and raph it's just full on angst tho #literally the saddest and wettest #though I don't think putting Mikey in this scenario gets you much in terms of character growth #it'd be more interesting for raph

[sarilolla]

So ghost anon got me thinking…

What would happen if Floyd was the only one who couldn’t get to branch in time? I mean he was the only brother to say goodbye and promise to return, but ironically he is also the only one to not meet branch before he passes. I have a feeling that the guilt of never being able to fulfil his promise would tear him apart :3

Hopefully I won’t regret giving u a weapon to rip my heart out (who am I kidding, do as u please with this)

OW? OUCH? I got this ask while I was writing the fight and just oof, it hurt- Thank you for giving me this weapon >:)

Going to turn this into a ficlet, haven't done one of those in a while

***

Branch knew it was unlikely that all four of his brothers would get there on time. The world was big and who knew where four small Trolls could have ended up after twenty years. Laying in bed, he blinked in and out of consciousness, his chest heavy and barely any air managed to get to his lungs. Poppy was by his side, holding his paw tightly, not wanting to let go.

To his surprise, John Dory was the first to arrive. The oldest almost looked grey as he looked at his baby brother, who was resting on death's doorstep. With a push from Delta, he walked into the room, sitting down on a chair on his side. He opened his mouth, but no words came out, not until Barb had pulled Poppy out of the room. The two brothers needed a moment.

"I'm so sorry, Bittie, I… I'm sorry. I should have been there for you, but I wasn't, and…"

Branch took his paw, the younger being so weak, but he needed JD to listen.

"Love you."

His voice was broken and small, but to his surprise, JD started tearing up.

"I love you too. So much. You're my baby brother, and I'm sorry…"

This went on for a while, as Branch's lungs cleared just a bit, and he asked if JD could tell him about the Neverglades, which he did, drying his tears. He hadn't felt this vulnerable in a long time, but for Branch? He would probably beg the Muses themselves for his life to be spared.

Then came Clay. He came inside on his own, Synth and Dante pointing him to the right room. He was shocked, to say the least, that JD was there, and for a moment, all he felt was anger and grief. After a small spat, he calmed down as Branch's tail brushed his own. Right, Branch. They were there for Branch. Their little brother, who was dying.

After a few exchanged words filled with love, both the Iris and Dahlia were cleared from his system, and he breathed just a tiny bit easier, enough that if he had just a bit more energy, he would have been able to hold a conversation. But he didn't, so the two older held it for him, despite their awkwardness and grievances, they were there and they were talking.

Finally, Spruce came. Except it was now Bruce, and he had changed a lot, but he was their brother nevertheless, and while Branch could tell the tension swung a bit in the room, happiness, anger, and grief hanging heavy in the air, he was happy to see another of his loved ones. Just a few hours ago he had almost accepted death, not believing they would come on time, but here three of them were.

JD gave up his spot for Bruce, letting him take Branch's paw, the purple-haired Troll speaking so softly with the youngest, who hummed an "I love you too" in reply. The Zinnia lost its grip, and now… they only had the Queen Anne's Lace left.

But would Floyd get there on time?

---

Floyd had already left Mount Rageous days before, having heard the news on his small traveling radio, and narrowly avoiding being kidnapped, he set out to find his baby brother.

He had made a promise. It was maybe twenty years too late, but Floyd was not one to break a promise. Not now, not ever.

Then he learned that the promise had been put on a timer. Friends of Branch, bounty hunters, had found him, telling him what was going on.

Branch was dying. Branch could be dead already.

They didn't need to tell him twice that he was needed. He just sat silently in the back of their critter bus, eyes distant as memories played on a loop.

Seeing that little bluebell egg hatching. Holding that little baby boy that had been filled with so much joy, love, and music.

Branch was singing before he was talking, he danced before he could walk. He was the sunshine breaking through the grey clouds of grief and horror in that period of their lives.

And he had left him behind. He had given the toddler his vest. The vest had belonged to all their brothers once, and if there was someone who deserved the comfort that the vest provided, it was Branch.

When he came to Pop Village, the place was… sad. Too sad to be filled with Pop Trolls. He saw a grey Troll with a crown on her head sit amongst a group of other dully colored Trolls, her grief so strong it nearly drowned everyone seeing her.

No one noticed him as he walked through the village, and when he asked someone where Branch was, they just shook their head, a sad look in their eyes. Another Troll pointed him to the outskirts of the village.

Floyd had heard from the youngest friends that he had built a bunker, and with a small spark of hope, he looked in the direction they pointed, hoping to see that large rock, but no… There was a field of flowers there.

A Pop Troll graveyard.

And by the freshest mound, holding onto each other, sat three Trolls who were painfully familiar. His brothers. Just not all four of them. Only the three oldest.

A pained scream filled the air.

Floyd's scream.

He had broken his promise.

***

Yeah, ow, this hurt- Hope everyone enjoys the misery as always :,D

#dreamworks trolls #dreamworks trolls fic #hanahaki branch #answered asks #sarilolla's writing

[888bambi]

MY LIVER WILL HANDLE WHAT MY HEART CAN'T - LEE HEESEUNG

✰ a/n: alcohol might give you a headache but it also gives you the best time of your life hehe- anyways be careful when drinking. also, friendly advice, if you go clubbing, GLUE yourself to your friends.

TW for sexual assault/mentions of sexual assault!!!

!heeseung x reader; university au, mentions of hee being a basketball player, reader goes through a lot (mentions of other enha members + le sserafim's chaewon, yunjin and kazuha, aespa's giselle)

genre: fluff, angst/ it's kinda suggestive

warnings: alcohol consumption, and i mean a lot of alcohol, substance abuse, sexual assault kinda? reader gets vary of men after that one encounter, ptsd i guess? let me know if i left anything (lowercase intended) & not proofread (i'll look for any errors when i have time, i am really sorry if there are a lot)

word count: 6424

✰13.03.2023

-

‘’c’mon chaewon, come with us!’’ four young women together was definitely a lot. when you got into college with your cousin kazuha, you somehow ended sharing an apartment with yunjin, her classmate, and later chaewon joined too, even though she went to a different college. it was like you all were sisters: gossiping again and again, sharing clothes and skin care products, helping each other with work- but the best part came every time your group would go clubbing, on friday.

‘’last time we went clubbing together, kazuha almost stole the bartender’s job, yunjin started screaming and crying, making it seem like i was trying to kidnap her or something, and you vanished. literally. i went to get kazuha and you were nowhere to be seen. worst part, i wasn't even sober myself.’’ chaewon stated, pointing at the three of you, and if eyes could kill, you, yunjin and zuha would all be dead right now.

‘’but that's what makes a night out fun.’’ kazuha said, almost begging her older friend to agree.

‘’kazuha, do i need to remind you about that time when you started talking about politics with a decorative plant?’’ she added, both you and yunjin laughing heavily as kazuha desperately tried to defend herself.

‘’don’t act like you’re the saint.’’ you quickly added, a mischievous grin spreading on your lips, ‘’you make out with everyone in sight when there's even a small drop of alcohol in your system.’’

silence fell over the room as chaewon couldn't seem to find a worthy comeback; somehow, the three of you convinced the oldest girl, and now you were all getting ready.

the dorm was a mess, clothes and makeup products everywhere, music playing from yunjin’s laptop to put you all in the right mood.

two hours and three identity crises later, your group finally left the dorm, headed to the parking lot, where you decided you'd just order a cab to get to the club, since you were all planning to drink later tonight.

as soon as you arrived, you already split up; chaewon met some ‘old friend’ and it was clear she had other plans for the rest of the night, kazuha saw her ballet girls, which was definitely an unexpected crossover, leaving you with yunjin, both you and her heading straight to the bar.

''tequila for the hot girlies.’’ the bartender said, sending you both a wink as he carefully poured you two shots, handing you salt and a slice of lemon, making it easier for you to drink.

one shot turned into two, then three, and now, somehow, you were taking your eighth shot, still going strong; yunjin was now chatting with some guy, and by the way he talked you could tell he was american as well, leaving you all alone at the bar, drinking more and more on your own.

you didn't specifically have any plans for tonight, you just wanted to get wasted. not too long ago, you broke up with your boyfriend of two years, simply because the two of you couldn't handle the distance: going to different colleges in different countries, staying together would have been ‘a waste of time’, according to him. if you had to be honest, his words cut you deep like a knife. did he see the whole thing as a waste of time? nevertheless, you decided that your liver will handle what your heart couldn't, so you were stuck in a club, on your own, taking shot after shot until you’ll eventually go numb.

it wasn't even midnight and you were desperately trying to leave this place; making your way through the dance floor, bodies were moving around you like you were stuck in a freak show; perhaps it was the alcohol that made your anxiety skyrocket, or the fact that you realized you were completely separated from your group, and every face was either blurry or unfamiliar. having this eerie feeling overcoming you, you had to get some fresh air quickly. barely walking straight, it took you all your strength to balance yourself between the dancing people, and get out of the crowd in one piece.

looking around for your friends for one last time, you decided that it was time to go back home, even if the night was still young. you weren't like this, and definitely this feeling wasn't what you wanted. for some reason, the alcohol tonight made you feel confused, stressed and anxious. normally it would make you talkative, energetic and horny. but tonight it didn't happen.

being self conscious of the fact that you’re in such a miserable state, and worse, on your own, you quickly made your way towards the empty hallway, which led to the exit of the club.

the blue lights in the hallway gave you a headache, desperately making you try to adapt your vision to the new lighting and get out of here faster. with every second spent there, your heart rate was only getting faster, making you feel nauseous.

this was a completely new feeling, and it made you wonder if the bartender slipped something in your drinks. given the deplorable state you were in, of course you would never notice if someone messed with your drink. you swear you felt your body rotting with every step you took, feeling the veins in your body, each and every single one of them, the sensation making you want to rip out all your flesh.

‘this never happened before’; you kept telling yourself to stay strong until you made it out; but no matter how many steps you took, it felt like time froze and you were walking in the same spot, again and again.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ your stomach flipped upside down when you heard a voice echoing from behind you, making you stop in your tracks as you tried your best to appear as intimidating and as sober as you could.

the person quickly walked in front of you, leaning down to take a better look at your face in the faint lightning. ‘’what a pretty doll.’’ he happily said, a wide grin spreading on his lips. the man was much older than you, and by the way he looked, he was definitely the highest in the room at the moment.

roughly pinning you to the wall, his action caught you off guard, a gasp leaving your lips as you clenched your teeth during the impact. ‘’i’ve never seen a prettier thing in my entire life.’’ leaning in closer, you felt his hot breath on your face, doing your best to contain yourself. ‘’seems like my prayers were heard. i’m having fun tonight.’’ and with no warning, his dry lips were smashed on yours, pinning you on the wall with his large hands, pushing down on your hips, his knee in between your legs, making sure you couldn't escape.

a tear rolled down your cheek, and that didn't go unnoticed, as he was quick to pull away and lick your salty tears, your body getting overfilled with disgust and fear right away.

you needed an escape, and you needed it now. or else, who knows what might happen, even worse than his disgusting touches. when he kissed you again, a dumb idea crossed your mind; without giving it a second thought, you bit down on his tongue as hard as you could, causing him to yank away suddenly, his eyes widening in shock as he looked back at you.

turning on your heels, you started heading towards the exit in a rush, only to be pulled back by the man, roughly gripping your hair; you forgot you couldn't walk that fast, huh?

‘’fucking bitch!’’ lifting his hand, you shut your eyes in fear, ready to take his hit. you were never hit in your entire life, not even by your parents. right now, you have no idea whether he’ll be satisfied with only a slap, or beat you until you're lying unconscious on the cold floor.

waiting and waiting, you realized his hit never came. no, he was actually silent as well. as you slowly opened your eyes, you saw a tall figure towering over the man, squeezing his wrist tight enough to cause him more pain than you already did. ‘’what the fuck?! who are you?!’’ he yelled, massaging his wrist as he managed to pull away from the tall figure.

‘'doesn't matter.’’ the guy nonchalantly said, putting his hands in his pockets, his back facing you. ‘’you should get lost while i’m still a chill man.’’ he spoke, his voice filled with nothing but nonchalance, speaking in a robotic kind of way.

‘’and who are you to send me away? her man?’’ he snapped back, still keeping his distance.

‘’that doesn't concern you.’’ again, another calm reply, making you wonder if he would still be this collected if he saw what happened earlier in the hallway.

‘’i see, i see.’’ the drunk man laughed, a mischievous grin spreading on his lips as he checked you out once again, ‘’does the bitch bite when she gives head too-’’ he stopped talking when the mystery man dashed towards him, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him up against the wall. oh, how the tables have turned.

‘’what didn't you understand from ‘get lost’, huh?’’ if he was calm earlier, he was definitely terrifying now, and the whole vibe he had changed in a split second. without saying anything anymore, the drunk man quickly apologized, making his way back into the crowd without looking back again.

while his back was still facing you, you quickly wiped away your tears; you didn't even realize you were crying this whole time.

your heart dropped to your knees when you saw who was the one that saved you; lee heeseung. he went to the same college and you saw him in the hallways, but you knew him because of how popular he was as the captain of the basketball team. he had a reputation for his bad temper, so his calm demeanor earlier surely shocked you. ‘’thank you.’’ you whispered, avoiding his eyes.

''don't mention it.’’ he shortly replied, leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, ‘’was he bothering you for a long time?’’

‘’no-’’ you lied, trying to seem as convincing as you could, ‘’he just came. asked me to leave with him, said no… the typical stuff.’’ you tried to laugh it off, hoping that it was convincing enough for the doe-eyed man, but taking a second look at his face, it was clear he wasn't listening to your bullshit. ‘’anyways, thanks again, have a great night!’’

turning on your feet, this time, you were determined to get away. using all your strength, you managed to run towards the exit without stumbling; you heard heeseung calling after you, but you decided to ignore it for the moment; it was time you went home and calmed yourself down a bit.

the ride back home was silent. luckily enough, the cab driver was an old man, and he was sweet to give you water once he realized you were sick- perhaps he did that so that you won't throw up in his car. anyway, you got back to the dorm on your own, safe and sound.

yunjin, kazuha and chaewon weren't home yet; looking at the clock, it was only two in the morning, so being the party monsters they are, there’s no chance they’ll be home before the sunrise. once you found yourself in the comfort of your house, you quickly took off your clothes, and headed for the shower.

once the cold water hit you, your skin was burning in all the places where that creep touched you. the sad part, this wasn't the first time someone did this to you. no, you had it worse than this, and you were only ten when it first happened.

someone said that trauma never really goes away. that person was right. you might think it goes away, but then something triggers it and bang- memories come back again. memories? was it right to call it a ‘memory’? aren't memories supposed to be pleasant?

that cold shower made you sober real quick, but you knew you'd have a monstrous headache in the morning. hiding yourself under your cozy blankets, all you saw was that grin, every time you close your eyes.

his disgusting scent remained in your nostrils, no matter how hard you washed your face; his devilish grin was imprinted on your retina, and you wanted to wash yourself again, this time with bleach, to make sure you took off his print from your skin.

you didn't sleep that night, and you knew this was simply the beginning of something much worse.

by the time the girls got back, you were awake, watching TV in the living room. you heard them laugh and talk about their night in the club; you couldn't call them ‘bad friends’ since they tried to find you- no, they called you a few times last night. at least they tried to find you.

‘’and what do we have here?’’ yunjin jokingly said as she entered the living room, her way of wording her sentence sending a shiver down your spine.

was your mind fucking with your right now? was it simply a coincidence?

‘’are you okay sweetie?’’ yunjin asked, gently brushing your hair, ‘’you’re quite pale. do you want some water?’’ her worry was evident in her voice, the other two girls turning their attention to you as well.

‘’no, i’m fine! i just couldn't sleep really well since i didn't know where you guys were.’’ a faint smile appeared on your lips, and apparently, that was enough to ease yunjin.

‘’we tried to find you everywhere,’’ chaewon added, jumping on the couch, a loud sigh leaving her lips, ‘’it was like you fell into a rabbit hole or something. you were nowhere to be found.’’

once all four of you were gathered in the living room, they started talking about their night. chaewon hooked up with that old friend of hers, and he apparently asked her out for dinner today, which was cute. kazuha had fun with her ballerina friends, going to three different clubs before coming back home, and yunjin had some fun with jake, another guy from your college, but surprisingly, nothing too wild, which was new for her.

‘’how was your night? of course, other than that you basically vanished again.’’ chaewon asked, their attention turning to you.

you debated for a split second if telling them was worth it; sure, they were your friends, but was it okay to burden them with something so… trivial? what would they say? all he did was kiss you. was it that big of a deal or were you being dramatic.

would they think you are a whore for kissing that man?

they wouldn't, they are your friends- but wouldn't them?

‘’i drank too much and i threw up a bit. i panicked because i couldn't find you so i went home earlier to calm myself down.’’ you felt bad for lying to them, and you felt even worse when you saw how easy they believed you.

maybe it would've been easier if you simply told them.

it’s been a week after that night and you barely slept. not to mention, you barely attended your classes. everything seemed to go downhill. you were falling behind in class, missing a lot of assignments, and simply isolating yourself slowly from everyone and everything.

you told the girls that you weren't feeling that well, saying that ‘you got a cold or something’. but you can't have a cold forever, and you needed to get your life together.

putting on the first hoodie you found in your room, you dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and left for the starbucks near the corner; you had many problems at the moment, and a vanilla latte wouldn't solve them; but you were still going to get it.

if you saw yourself in the mirror, you would probably cry; were you weak for letting something like this tear you apart? should you tell someone? was it bad that you didn't tell anyone?

pushing the door open to the starbucks, you were happy to see it wasn't as crowded as it usually was; ordering your drink, you patiently waited for it, trying to plan what to do once you get back to the dorm.

''can't believe i run into you here.’’ turning your head in the direction of the voice, your eyes widened when you saw heeseung, now beside you, figuring out that he must be waiting for his drink as well, ''haven't seen you in class all week.’’

‘’we share the same class?’’ you wanted to slap yourself for how dumb you sounded right now; this wasn't like you. for some reason, you couldn't help but wonder if he saw that man touching you before he stepped in. did he actually see? no- if he did he would've stepped in earlier. right?

looking straight into your eyes, he looked slightly amused as he answered your question, ‘’finance?’’

if you were honest, after this week, you even forgot finance was one of your classes, and also forgot he was in that class too. truth be told, you had no idea why the two of you were talking. you never talked before. was he checking up on you after what happened? was he pitying you?

‘’yeah, finance. i remember.’’ you responded, trying to sound as confident as you could.

‘’wow.’’ heeseung added, making you turn your head in his direction again, ‘’never knew you could be so fake.’’ a little smile appeared on your lips, feeling comfortable talking with him. he had quite a reputation for being the best basketball player on campus- and a player in general, although he was rarely seen with girls. actually, he was rejecting girls quite a lot, and he managed to do so even when he was extremely drunk; he was also known for that.

‘’my bad. if you think that’s fake, you should see yunjin.’’ you replied, grabbing your drink, getting ready to leave after you thanked the barista.

‘’i’d rather see you than yunjin.’’ heeseung was quick to reply, not even trying to hide what he just said.

‘’excuse me?’’ you asked visibly confused, stopping in your tracks.

‘’see you on monday, hopefully.’’

somehow, you pulled yourself to got to school on monday, even if you slept seven hours in total during the past days. you kept telling yourself you weren't going there because of heeseung, but the fact that he wanted to see you in class made you feel better after all those days.

perhaps he saw through your little facade- but was he really able to see right through you when even your friends couldn't?

it didn't matter now, you were already seated in class, laptop on the table, ready for the lecture.

you looked around a few times, hoping you would see heeseung, but he was nowhere in sight. turning your attention back on the lecture, you barely paid attention, getting sleepy all of a sudden. at least now you knew that if you wanted to sleep, coming to professor han’s lecture was the answer.

going to your last class for the day, you spotted heeseung walking on the other side of the campus, headphones on as he was wearing his basketball jersey. although he seemed to be in a rush, you really wanted to talk with him, even for a moment.

making your way towards him, you tapped him on his broad shoulders, his expression when he turned around sending a shiver down your spine. as he removed his headphones, his face softened, surprised at the fact that you approached him. ‘’i didn't see you in class.’’

‘’i had practice. finance wasn't that important to me anyways.’’ he replied, switching his backpack from arm to his shoulder, ‘’what a pleasant surprise you finally decided to show up though.’’

rolling your eyes, he laughed at your little action, ‘’putting basketball over finance when finance is mandatory and basketball isn't. not a smart move.’’

laughing at your sentence, he shifted his gaze from your face to your bag. ‘’how many books you got in there?’’ he asked, pointing towards your bag.

‘’none actually. just a notebook and my laptop.’’ you replied, quite confused by his question.

‘’how cool, me too.’’ and so, he took the bag from your hand without any warning, placing it on his other shoulder, ‘’i had to balance my shoulders somehow. now i carry equal weight on both. anyways, where were you headed?’’

‘’i have a seminary. the last one for the day actually.’’

‘’wanna go to starbucks instead? you look like you could really have some coffee right now.’’ he stated, making you self conscious of your dark circles, reminding you of your troubled sleeping schedule.

going with him to the starbucks was definitely better than going to that boring seminary. although you and heeseung barely knew each other, you learnt a lot about him today: he plays a lot of video games, and he likes toy story, as funny as it might sound. he plays basketball at home with his father and older brother, he loves ramen and sleeps a lot. actually, you found out the two of you had a lot in common, even if the two of you led two very different lifestyles: while you were focused on your grades, or at least, this is how you were until that thing shattered you apart, he was more laid back, going with the flow rather than trying to break it.

‘’i know it might be kind of sudden but there’s a party at jake’s frat,’’ heeseung said, instantly making your heart drop when you heard the word party. ‘’i was wondering if you'd like to come around? you can get your friends as well- i mean, jake definitely told yunjin about it. but it’d be nice if you came too.’’

trying to regain your composure, you forced your confidence as much as you could, ‘’why is that?’’ you asked, playing with the straw of your drink.

‘’i genuinely enjoyed your presence. it’s been quite long since i felt so nice around someone who isn't from my friend group. plus, i am not that smart but i can tell you're not feeling your best right now.’’ heeseung was nice, contrary to what others might say. he was, actually, too nice. it was a party held by a frat. you knew some members of this frat. there’s no way there would be freaks like that one in the club, right? even so, how could you deny heeseung when he was giving you those beautiful doe eyes?

‘’i don't really know…’’ you said, tilting your head to the side. if you were going you might as well make him stay with you, in order to avoid another incident like that happening, ‘’when me and my friends drink, we don't really stick together…everyone goes off on their own as if we are doing side quests or something.’’

‘’i’ll stay with you.’’ he quickly said, a chuckle escaping your lips, ‘’i’ll do side quests as well, if that’s what you want. i promise.’’

you don't understand how it was so easy for him to get you to come here; the girls were overly excited once they heard you decided to come as well, and once you told them heeseung was the one who got you to come, they went mad. while chaewon kept asking you about how the two of you started talking, kazuha and yunjin were helping you pick an outfit. were you trying too hard?

the outfit you picked was simple; a long black tube top with a low waisted pair of flare denim jeans, hugging your hips perfectly; everything else was natural, minimal makeup and neat hair. as soon as you stepped inside, you already saw drunk people making out in front of everyone, some even passed out on the floor, broken glasses and so on.

this frat was known for their wild parties, straight out of project x. but they were always fun, and for some reason, no matter how wild they got, the police never got involved.

‘’i’ll go find jake, will you be fine on your own?’’ yunjin asked you, gently brushing your arm. for some reason, which you didn't understand, kazuha and chaewon were coming later, so for the moment, it was just you and her.

‘’yeah, no worries. i’ll go find heeseung.’’ you assured her, feeling her happiness flying through the roof when she heard your response.

being left all alone in the heart of the party, you had a strong feeling of deja vu; how ironic. making your way to the kitchen, you found sunghoon, who was more than pleased to pour you a shot. sunghoon was extremely awkward when he was sober, but after he drank a little, he became friendlier. after letting you know that you can drink as much as you want, he quickly made his way towards his friends, who were playing beer pong at the moment. looking around, you couldn't spot heeseung anywhere. how foolish of you to actually think he would stay with you, someone he barely knew, at a party where he could even get laid if he wanted, considering the amount of hot girls you saw around.

at least the alcohol won't leave you alone when you need it most. drowning all your problems in alcohol was definitively a dumb idea. drinking alone in a place with so many people was even dumber, especially after what happened at the club. did you care? not really. every single problem left your system when you were drunk, and you were willing to let go of everything tonight, even if it meant throwing up everything afterwards.

this time, you didn't stick to only one alcohol, helping you get drunk faster, but also making you dizzier than ever. luckily enough, this time you weren't feeling anxious, nor confused or scared. you genuinely wanted to enjoy yourself tonight, wanting to move on from that incident completely. everything happens for a reason- at least that's what you always told yourself. you should be thankful he didn't do more. it was too much, but it could've been far worse. you’ll never fully move on from it, but you might as well lie to yourself and have a nice time.

after all, you can't go back in time and do things differently. tonight, it was all about feeling good; your heart might not be good with feelings, but your liver surely was a pro at alcohol. drinking away your pain was a hobby at this point.

taking shots with random strangers, drinking different cocktails and drinking raw vodka were the reasons you were now dancing in the middle of everyone with a girl you've never met, drunker than you were, and possibly, high as well. all eyes were on the two of you, and in all that madness you heard that her name was giselle. making friends with random strangers at parties like this one was always wholesome.

swaying your hips to the music, your leg was between hers as the two of you moved in sync, running your hands up and down her waist, spinning her around and so on. you felt the music running through your veins, and you knew there was no way you were going home tonight, not when you were feeling this good.

rolling your eyes back, both you and giselle got even closer to each other, backs touching as you felt the rhythm down to your core. it felt magical, too good to be real. everything was spinning around, and the lights weren't helping either; pitbull’s old songs were, and will always be, a vibe.

everything went smoothly until you felt someone in your close proximity; an unknown guy, with a bottle of soju in his left hand, was now dancing with the two of you, and while giselle was seemingly happy with his arrival, you quickly excused yourself and desperately tried to get away from them. pushing people out of your way, you started getting anxious again. that guy came up to you just because he wanted to do so- which made you realize that what happened at the club two weeks ago, could always happen again. especially when you are alone and vulnerable like this.

where was heeseung, really? why did he ask you to come here, and on top of that, promise you that he’ll stay with you? you were a fool for believing him, and a clown for trying to trick yourself into believing that drinking would make you forget an incident that occurred while you were drunk.

trying to stop your eyes from rolling back, you supported yourself on the wall as you slowly made your way back into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water. you heard a familiar laugh in the distance, not too far from you, making you snap your head in that direction. there he was: lee heeseung. he was wearing baggy jeans and a plain white t-shirt, an oversized leather jacket hanging off his broad shoulders. he looked more attractive than he usually does, his black hair neatly parted in the middle.

he was very attractive indeed. his mannerisms made him even hotter than he already was. you felt something strange in your stomach, and you knew this wasn't because of all that damn alcohol. he suddenly turned his gaze on you, catching you staring at him, making you turn your head away suddenly, feeling the heat going up to your cheeks. ‘’pass me the bottle, would you?’’ you nearly froze when you heard his milky voice behind you, mentally slapping yourself in desperate attempts to get your shit together.

‘’which one,’’ you asked without turning around to face him, ‘’there’s soju, tequila, vodka, some wine, whiskey and lots of beer. what would you like?’’

‘’the one you’re holding,’’ heeseung nonchalantly stated, taking the water bottle from your hands and pouring himself a glass, ‘’i’m driving.’’

you wanted to slap yourself when you realised you were staring at him again, quickly shifting your attention to the tequila bottle in front of you, pouring yourself a shot and taking it down without a second thought.

‘’you surely like drinking a lot, don't you?’’ heeseung asked, leaning back on the counter, scanning your facial features, your heart skipping a beat when you saw his eyes landing on your lips for a brief moment. were you actually going crazy?

‘’my liver will handle what my heart can't.’’ you suddenly confessed, catching him completely off guard, ‘’it’s the best way. no one has to suffer.’’

you could tell he was about to say something, but you weren't in the mood for talking right now. something about the way he looked made him dreamier than he normally was, doing something in your brain. ‘’wanna dance?’’ you confidently asked, taking a few steps towards him, so that your face was inches away from him.

you might as well risk everything. worst case, he rejects you. but you could feel the rising tension between the two of you, and he could surely feel it too. shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, he pushed himself up from against the counter, towering over you, ‘’lead the way.’’ not only there was a change in his whole behavior, but also in the way he spoke.

without hesitating, you grabbed his hand and dragged him behind you, on the dance floor, pressing your back against his body 'accidentally’, before turning around and putting some distance between the two of you. a smirk appeared on his lips as he looked down at you, fixating his eyes on your lips before slowly scanning you from head to toe. his hands quickly made their way to your waist, pushing you closer, literally pressing your body on his as he gently massaged your waist, dragging his hand lower, daringly putting it inside the back pocket of your jeans.

perhaps you should be ashamed since you were clearly drunk and he was sober, or he should be the one ashamed since he knew you were drunk. it seemed like he read your mind, leaving you for a moment, before returning with two fresh tequila shots, ‘’i thought you were driving?’’ you asked, raising your eyebrow.

‘’i can get a cab and take the car tomorrow, you know?’’ taking the shot together, that wasn't the last one that night.

after taking more shots together, mixing a ‘mystery’ cocktail for him, you found yourself in front of his car as he was desperately searching his pockets for his car keys. once he found them and unlocked the car, you were quick to sit in the backseat, climbing on top of his lap, cupping his face with your fragile hands. his hands were softly caressing your waist, his doe eyes nowhere in sight as he seemed way more confident than he was earlier. you could see his eyes in the dim light, and their whole vibe was changed, making him look like a completely different person.

without holding back, you leaned in and connected your lips to his, moving your lips slowly in sync, his hands squeezing your waist a little bit. breaking the kiss, you saw him pouting at the lack of closure.

this time, before you kissed his lips, you kissed his whole face, leaving lipstick stains everywhere. you couldn't understand what about him was so comfortable and calming, but at the same time mesmerizing yet intimidating. connecting your lips once again, the kiss wasn't soft anymore. biting onto your lower lip, he pushed his tongue into your mouth, a small moan leaving your lips as you slowly moved your hips against him, his hands abruptly going down from your waist to your hips, squeezing them tightly, trying to stop you from moving.

after more kissing and touching, he gently pushed you away, earning a confused look from you. ‘’did i do something?’’ you asked, tilting your head to the side, as you felt your eyelids getting heavy.

‘’i think there’s something we need to talk about first.’’ he seriously said, although his voice was sweet.

‘’hm?’’ you asked, resting your hands on his shoulders, trying to stabilize yourself.

‘’about the night we first met.’’ your eyes widened in shock as soon as his words left his lips, quickly pushing yourself off his lap, trying to open the car’s door, only to be stopped by him. ‘’don’t. calm down a little.’’ your breath was going crazy, and you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest.

‘’you saw… that guy-’’ as much as you tried to sound coherent, it didn't work out the way you wanted, trying to read heeseung’s expression while also trying to understand your emotions.

‘’what i saw?’’ he asked, earning a small nod from you, ‘’his tongue bleeding. i didn't need anything else to realise what he did.’’ your eyes started watering at his words.

was he going to see you differently now? was he going to say it was your fault? would he tell anyone else?

heeseung wasn't this type of person.

‘’don’t cry.’’ he gently said, pulling you back on his lap, wrapping his arms around you, ‘’it’s not your fault.’’ his reassuring words were enough to make you break down, wrapping your arms around his neck as you hid your face on his left shoulder. running his hands up and down your back, the two of you stayed in silence for a while; heeseung didn't say anything anymore, letting you cry while he hummed a melody in your ear, trying to calm you down.

‘’i can't thank you enough for saving me that night.’’ you said between sobs, his gaze softening once you pushed yourself away from his shoulder and he saw your reddish eyes in the dim lights, and your mascara running down your cheeks. a faint smile appeared on his lips as he kissed your mascara stained cheeks before he wiped your tears away with his thumb.

‘’you don't have to thank me. any good person would've stepped in.’’ he said, another smile appearing in your face.

‘’still, i’m grateful it was you,’’ the sentence left your lips without you realizing it, making you slap yourself mentally at how bold you were tonight, ‘’i-i mean, we wouldn't be here if you didn't save me that night?’’

‘’actually…’’ heeseung said, shifting his gaze from you to the window, looking at the frat house in the distance, biting his lip before turning his attention back on you, ‘’i wanted to get to know you for a long time. i just didn't have the courage.’’

his confession left you speechless; you never saw yourself worthy of someone like heeseung, someone who was good at everything he did, someone who seemed perfect in all aspects. ‘’you looked kind of untouchable,’’ another shocking confession for the night, ‘’you came to college, went to class and left, no interest in cliches or frats or the typical campus drama. i saw you at a few parties and you were completely different from how you were in school. i found you quite intriguing and i might have developed a small crush on you…so i tried to find the courage to come up to you.’’

you couldn't help but smile like a dumb bimbo at his confession, pressing a soft kiss on his jawline before playing with his necklace, pulling him closer to you, ‘’what a good thing you found the courage to come up to me.’’ you chuckled, leaning in for a kiss, only to be denied by him, which got you more confused.

‘’hold up, hold up,’’ the black haired boy said, removing your hands from his body, ‘’sorry to ruin it to you, but if you keep kissing me i won't be able to hold back anymore.’’

again, he made you confused. was he rejecting you or subtly telling you you're pushing yourself onto him? upon seeing your perplexed expression, the silence was replaced by his loud laugh, squeezing his eyes shut while he laughed in your face. calming down, he barely held back his laughter when he saw the confusion written all over your face.

‘’we can have fun later, sweetheart,’’ heeseung spoke, playing with a strand of your hair, ‘’let me take you out on a date first.’’

(small note: if you ever find yourself in a similar situation and you're afraid to ask for help because you think people will blame your for it, just remember that there's always going to be someone there for you. since i went through something similar and i needed a whole year to tell anyone about it, constantly blaming myself for what happened, i felt much better when i told someone about what happened and got it off my chest. even if it's hard, don't hesitate to seek help <3)

#enhypen #enhypen x y/n #enhypen scenarios #enhypen au #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen heeseung #lee heeseung #kpop imagines #kpop idol #heeseung #enhypen text messages